#like technically speaking he’s an alien he is not of a human gender but

[happy10thousandyears]

I feel like spending so much time thinking about 🪞 kinda made me immune to any disturbing media content (if it’s not visual). Like no matter the trauma depicted I’ve already spent enough time thinking about the marks it leaves on characters it’s like . Okay it can’t be worse than 🪞

[awkward-tension-art]

Heart-share

Captain Rex x Reader

Warnings; Reader insert, reader technically isn’t human but human enough, mind-sharing, literally sharing emotions, brief mentions of destruction in the beginning to set up backstory, smut, emotions, brief mentions of biting, technically more build up to sex rather than sex but I’m tagging it as smut anyway, Rex is a sweety, Rex gets a little emotional, he cries slightly, can be read any time before order 66, brief mention of Anakin and Padme

Reader is technically not female because they’re an alien species, but has female-ish biology (I kept that part vague), pronouns are gender neutral though!

Minors get the fuck out of here, you aren’t welcome!

You were a rare species in the Republic. One deeply tied to emotion, expression and the moon. Your skin was littered with sparkling light that resembled the stars in the sky. Your eyes had a soft glow to them.

Your home had been destroyed, and in the chaos, loss and grief, The Force had awoken inside of you like a storm. It was a desperate attempt to save your village.

It failed. Because without training, what could you have done?

Your kind had scattered after the destruction of your planet. Population was low, there was no home for your people.

That was years ago. In that time you had been taken in by the Jedi Order. Recognized as a padawan then a Jedi knight.

In those years you had found a new family with the Order. You found happiness. A home.

And love.

Captain Rex. Serious. Stern. Yet so kind, hardworking and determined.

Handsome too. All the clones were handsome, but something about Rex…

Love was forbidden. No attachment. It made no sense to you. Love was sacred. To disregard your emotions and feelings was to disregard your culture.

However, you were given a good lashing by the council for your questioning of such a rule. And Rex wouldn’t risk his position. He’d be decommissioned if it was known he had romantic feelings for you.

So you didn’t act on your feelings. Neither did the clone captain for the longest time. You had settled for lingering touches and sidelong glances.

But when you stumbled in on Padme and Anakin….

Well, you’d keep their secret if they kept yours.

Rex’s lips were on yours. He had just returned from a long battle in the outer ridges of the Republic. In a not so subtle way, he had immediately gone to your private quarters, leaving before any of his other clone brothers had stepped off the ship. His helmet was placed on your desk, and his hands were on you.

“Rex,” you giggled as he peppered kisses all over your face, “Rex, I missed you too,” your arms were draped over his shoulders.

“Hm.” His rough voice was soft, “Need this. Need you, mesh’la.”

You let him do as he pleased with no argument, the captain was often affectionate whenever he returned. He had your heart in the palm of your hand. You had his.

Your thoughts drifted, thinking of home. Thinking of the many shows of adoration in your culture. Would he enjoy learning and experiencing such a thing?

There was something you wanted to do with the clone captain. But it was permanent. A deeply intimate process that the most devoted of couples would perform.

It couldn’t be forced. All parties had to be willing, and whoever you chose for it would be the only one to share it with you.

It was a sharing of emotions. A connection of the minds. A binding of the nervous system, so one’s internal feelings became physical. And the result afterward, no matter where either of you were, you could sense each other’s emotional state.

“Rex.”

He paused at your words and pulled back, “Oh! Did I do something wrong?” His warm eyes had concern in them.

“No, I just…” your hands held his, “I want to do something, but…” what could you say? How could you fully explain this to him?

“Mesh’la,” his hand cupped your cheek, “What is it?”

You swallowed, he was picking up on your nervousness, “it’s called reeshi,” it felt strange speaking your language, it’s been so long since you’ve spoken your mother tongue, “The closest way I can translate it is heart-sharing.”

Rex remained silent, looking at you in interest as you explained the process. It only took skin to skin contact, and it would allow for him to feel what you feel. And you him. The effect would be a link to each other's emotions. So even at a distance, you would know how the other was feeling.

There was a single downside, if Rex would die, your mind would shatter, and you couldn’t heart-share with anyone else. He would be your literal one and only.

You’ve seen the result of such a thing years ago. They were a husk. Unable to feel anything anymore. They barely had any functionality. It was like speaking to a hollow shell of a being. As if a crucial part of their mind was missing and broken.

“You’re telling me, if I fell in battle,” he furrowed his brow, grip tightening on your hips, “You…would just break?”

“I suppose that’s one way to say it…Yes.” Your hand trailed down his chest, “but…I…I want to….” You murmured, looking deep into his beautiful eyes. Your lips were so close to him, “With you…”

Rex kissed you sweetly before he pulled back, “I…I can’t risk it. Not for you.” Tangled in his concern and worry was fear. You recognized it easily.

He feared harming you. Feared dying and leaving you with a permanent scar.

Oh…he’s so sweet…

Outside this room, he was captain Rex. Leader to hundreds of clones. A battle hardened warrior. But with you? He was your love. Your kar’ta.

“Rex…”

“I’m a clone. Someone who was made to fight and die in battle. For the republic.” He damn near growled, “If you and I…did this…”

“I want it to be with you.” Your fingers interlocked with his, “It’s worth it.” You murmured, “you’re worth it. clone or not. Republic or not…you’re worth everything to me.”

He kissed you again. One strong arm held the small of your back. The other was holding your face still. By the time you two separated, your breath had been taken.

“You…” Rex whispered, “are incredible.” He pulled you closer to kiss you again and again, “hell, I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You responded softly, kissing him again. Your lips only left his when your back was on your bed and he caged you between his arms.

He swallowed, looking down at you. You must seem so small when he’s over you like this.

“You said heart-sharing requires skin to skin contact?” The captain asked, keeping his eyes on you.

You nodded and he removed his left glove with his teeth.

Oh stars, this man is attractive. He knew how to get you hot and bothered. Between the kisses and touches, his armor and your clothes were stripped, leaving you both bare.

His fingers interlocked with yours. Your gaze met his and you spoke, “I want to make sure you want this too.”

Rex nodded, “yea…yea I do. But…are you sure? I’m just-“

“You’re more than just a clone.” Your words were honest. Resolute. Your tone indicated that you weren’t going to argue.

The captain let out a short, breathy laugh, “Alright mesh’la…as long as you’re ok…keep going.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Your focus was on the man over you. You thought of him and only him, opening up a bridge between you two.

Your minds connected, tying together like a soft ribbon. In a way, you formed your souls together, becoming a single entity melded together by love.

All at once, it felt like cold water splashed over you before giving way to warmth. Rex’s mind was receptive to yours. Connecting together like a puzzle. His breath hitched, and he fell onto his forearm, keeping you under him.

Your eyes opened. You could feel his thoughts. His emotions. Physically, you could feel his skin. His scars. His heartbeat. He was all you knew at the moment. Your free hand was at the back of his neck, holding him close.

Only him.

He trembled, nervous system feeling you.

You. You. You.

Rex’s entire purpose was you.

Even when he buried his face in your shoulder, you could feel him. Rex was overwhelmed. Overcome with everything. He was open and bare for your mind. You were peering into his existence, seeing every dark corner inside of him.

This was a vulnerability he didn't think was possible.

Tied to it all was pleasure. Deep, piercing pleasure.

“M-mesh’la…” the captain’s throat was tight, struggling to process just what he was feeling. His words slurred ever so slightly, “Kar'taylir darasuum. Aalar bid jate…riduur…” Rex’s brain fizzled out, forgetting Galactic Basic.

This deep…affection. This never ending love. It flooded his system, drowned him. His lungs were filled with your existence. His heart was racing with your passion.

“Rex…” you whispered his name so sweetly, “Are you ok?” You were aware that this process could be overwhelming for anyone outside of your race. Truthfully, you didn’t expect this to be so…intense for him. You felt his heightened emotional state. Everything was so sensitive for him, and it gave way to physical pleasure. He was struggling to fully understand it.

His grip on your hand tightened and he nodded, “Gedet'ye…elek…” Rex swallowed, shaking himself out of his daze. The reeshi clearly took him off guard. A rare moment where he was unsteady.

Along with his emotional state, you were connected to his physical reactions. You could feel his desire. His need. You could feel his want for your body. You bent your knee and used your calf to push him closer. He could feel exactly the same in you. A desperate attraction.

Rex shuddered, coming back to himself, “You’re going to kill me, mesh’la…” His voice was husky, “Can I…” He squeezed your hand again.

You raised your head and kissed him, sparks shot through the both of you, “I am yours, Rex.”

He lined up his cock and pushed into you.

Stars, this was intense. Your head was spinning, your heart was racing. His kisses on your neck felt like fire. Every touch was amplified because of reeshi.

Rex was trembling again. His nerves were alight with pleasure, both yours and his. He silenced himself by burying his face into your neck.

Your ankles crossed, pulling him even closer to you.

You were lost within each other as he rolled his hips over and over again. Your body was moving with the push and pull of rising pleasure. Like a wave, moving from your curled toes to your head.

The connection between you two remained steadfast. Your fingers remained interlocked with his, allowing the pleasure to be exponential.

Rex wasn’t his usual quiet self. He was more vocal, letting out soft heavenly moans. He kept his face on your shoulder, using your skin to muffle the sounds he made.

He was feeling good, you knew it. Your free hand trailed down his back, causing both him and you to shiver. The pads of your fingers traced over scars. The ones you’ve felt many times before. The same scars you kissed, letting the captain know how you loved each one.

The same feeling ghosted over your back. Every peck, every move, every emotion and feeling was a mirror between you both.

The pleasure was building. Your center became tight like a coil.

Rex was no better off. He was primed to break and fall to complete bliss. The pace of his thrusts was fast and sloppy. His coordination failed, entirely overwhelmed with the pleasure and ecstasy he was feeling, “Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum,” he breathed into your ear, “...Ni aalar bid jate…gar cuyir kandosii'la…elek…elek….”

His words caused you to go over the edge. Your head tilted back and you moaned his name. Bliss went through your system, doubling your lover's own pleasure. He was thrown into an orgasm, sending powerful shockwaves through you.

There was a burning on your shoulder as you felt Rex cum. He held you tightly, muffling his moans and keens into your skin. He held you tightly, muscles flexing, mind and body exploding with pure, unfiltered, hot euphoria.

Your breathing was heavy as the both of you came down from your compounded highs. Eyes closed, heart racing, you let yourself feel the warmth in the afterglow. It felt…sweeter…more heavenly.

Now, you two could feel each and every feeling after such intimacy.

“...Gar cuyir ner oyay…Gar cuyir ner narser…” Rex mumbled lowly, placing soft and tender kisses to your skin, “Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, Mesh’la…Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum…” The clone captain was in a daze. His mind had broken under the pleasure and he needed a moment to recharge. But…seeing the man you loved so incoherent with bliss…

Well, you’d remember this scene for a long time.

He pulled back, moving to look over you. He was about to kiss you, before his warm brown eyes flicked to your shoulder, “o-oh…”

“Hm..?” One eye cracked open in curiosity. He was embarrassed, you could feel it in your chest. With a glance, you recognized a rather deep bite mark.

Oh.

Oh!

“Sorry, mesh’la.” Rex mumbled, not meeting your eye, “I...I guess everything got too intense.”

“S’ok…” Your smile was small, genuine and tired, “Just means you felt good.” You squeezed his hand and leaned up to kiss his lips tenderly. You wanted to stay like this with him forever. You wanted to forget the war outside. You wanted to forget the jedi code.

But stars, you were suddenly so exhausted.

Reeshi was tiring for you. It was a steady drain of your energy, and you had to stop.

But you really didn’t want to.

The captain felt your exhaustion, “Mesh’la?” With his free hand, he cupped your cheek, “Are you ok?”

You nodded, “Yea…” your head turned to look at your clasped hands, “Reeshi is…tiring…” It made sense, the two of you were connected mentally, emotionally and physically, and you were acting as the bridge.

“Oh…” he whispered. You felt his sadness. He seemed to enjoy being tied to you in such an intimate way, “Then…stop, if you need. I don’t want you hurting yourself.”

With another nod, you closed your eyes. Severing the connection was easier than establishing it. However, neither you nor Rex’s mind wanted to disconnect. You untangled the silken ribbon that tied the both of you together.

In the end you were left with an empty feeling in your heart.

A tear fell onto your chest and your riduur buried his face back into your neck. You could still feel his sadness at the back of your mind, but it wasn’t as strong. He could feel your own, even if you couldn’t cry tears of water at the loss of heart-sharing.

Instead of being tangled together in a web of affection and love, your emotions were connected by a thread. Small, seemingly fragile, but still connected.

That thought alone gave you comfort. The two of you were still connected in a way that others wouldn’t understand.

“Sorry…” he mumbled, “I didn’t think this would hit me so hard…it feels like I’ve lost a part of myself.”

Your smile was soft, “me too,” you admitted, “But…instead, you have a part of me. And I have a part of you.”

Rex shifted, laying on his side to hold you close, “i rather like that thought.” His warm lips pecked your forehead, “I love you, mesh’la.”

“I love you too, kar’ta.” you whispered back.

[arguablyartworks]

That Ben 10 AU I Made (that I never talked about)

So back in 2022, not long before I went to art school and was in the process of preparing to go, I was particularly hyperfixated on Ben 10, and generally speaking, stress often causes me to specifically dream as or beside the main character of my hyperfixation at the time. I won't go into what was stressing me out so badly then, but I had a dream of a specific few nonexistent episodes of Ben 10 and minor tweaks and changes to the show that I later drew and expanded upon.

Specifically, there was some (not real) episode in the original series where Ben had to take off clothing to jump into a lake, revealing not only a training bra or bikini top (not sure which), but also that the brown hair was a wig covering ash blonde hair. And it had been no secret that Ben was a girl the whole time, she'd just clearly gotten tired of correcting people. Continuity-wise, it was mentioned again in Omniverse, where pronouns were corrected to "she" as a constant gag through some early episode, and then visibly given up out of laziness. It was also stated in the dream that at some point, Ben gained actual wings in base form in Omniverse and definitely had them, was able to hide them entirely, and never bothered to figure out how to use them or pull them out for almost anything. So in whatever reality where those episodes (and continuity details) actually existed, Ben would canonically be a winged butch lesbian.

After some discussion with a friend (@zilathehusky)

-Benjamin Kirby Tennyson is still her birth name, despite being cis female. Sandra and Carl are just like that. -Ben was constantly mistaken as male throughout OS, and eventually genuinely didn't care, as it didn't matter as much to her as a kid, so didn't tend to correct people almost at all except in the event of bathroom usage or similar scenarios. -Ben genuinely enjoys stereotypically masculine passtimes and clothing styles. -Ben actually genuinely hid her sex/gender throughout the entirety of UAF, as she was on the boys' soccer team and wanted to stay there. -in dating Julie, Ben had to explain to her that she was female. Julie tells her that all the girls at school already knew and were keeping it from the boys collectively. -Ben's wig remains a constant until Omniverse, where the wig is suddenly switched out for red-brown hairdye, explaining the sudden messiness of Ben's Omniverse hair in contrast to Ben's super neatened UAF hair, as her hair is actually quite spiky. -as of Omnierse, Ben is no longer on the soccer team, and thus no longer hides her sex/gender. Regardless, people continue to assume she's male and she's too tired of correcting people at this point.

I also discussed it with another friend and we decided that the wings likely occurred as a result of some torture Servantis decided to put Ben under after losing, giving Ben the same treatment he gave to the other Rooter kids. He made sure it was the most painful transformation he could give, as forcing a body to suddenly grow wings it's not built to have has got to hurt. The wings are on her base form, meaning that with or without the omnitrix, the wings are a feature Ben's body just has. She does not like them or enjoy having them, and got none of the instincts associated with their use. That said, she does manage to figure out how to more or less "put them away" such that they technically aren't even present until she wills them back. She specifically does not know how to fly with them, forgets she has them constantly, and eventually gets forced to learn how to at least glide horribly with them by family and friends. Inevitably this leads to many hilarious gags about having huge awkward limbs Ben doesn't know how to control, including but not limited to smacking Rook in the face with them, as well as Ben at some point being in free fall, then slapping the omnitrix to get a flying alien, only for Rook to be like, "You have wings in human form. Why do you not use those?" and Ben just facepalming and responding with, "I forget they're there!"

Also, Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Strong were still her voice actors with zero changes.

Here are some screenshot mockups that I made shortly after having the dream back in 2022:

It was also later decided (heavily based on the color of her hair and wings, which were both an ash/light tan color) that her wings and hair color came from genetic infusion with peafowl specifically, thus also explaining Ben's fear of peacocks.

[rect-bibi]

Hi it's me again 👀 after reading the universes synopsis I'm interested in their respective mcs, how are they named? How do they react to the situations around them? ((How would they interact to each other in a crossover?))

THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION THAT I AM VERY HAPPY TO GET and one that will have one hella long answer so uuuh enjoy the read below about my and my gf's OCs LMAO

"YET TO BE RENAMED UNIVERSE" (we will update it soon i promise)

AKARI - He, along with his younger sister - Nora - is a student at the Academy where they train people to either directly fight the monsters called "Alters" (majority of the cases) or help those at the front lines in different ways. He is also the son of a former teacher from the Academy, who was forced to retire due to extreme injuries. Much like practically everyone at the Academy, he has powers. His power is plasma creation and control. (appears in the form of those squiggles you see in plasma lamps) He is extremely hot headed, not patient at all. He naturally had anger issues and given he is the eldest, his parents sadly didn't figure out the discipline until it was a tad too late (the were young parents, give em a break theyre all good otherwise ToT). Either way he is quick to jump into action, more often than not for the worse rather than better. Very overconfident, but he gets CONSTANTLY humbled by his peers.

"BETROTHED"

LYRA & ORION - They are both the main characters, a "do not separate" deal. They are leaders of the Valley Kingdom and the Forest Kingdom respectively, who arranged a political marriage to form a stronger alliance for the sake of their regions Lyra was the King of the Valley, a non-gendered term for the highest ruler of the Valley Kingdom she gave away to Orion upon marriage. Given she inherited the throne at an extremely young age and had to be guided by her personal advisor as well as the Noble Council, she isn't as versed in politics as she would like to be, mostly in regards to being an assertive ruler. She is simply too polite for her own good most of the time. Orion is the opposite - born to a culture that values straight-forwardness and equality above all. He actively listens to people when he thinks them to be reliable, but quick to completely put down anyone who acts out of line. they may be a stereotypical shoujo-esque medieval fantasy couple but they are MY stereotypical shoujo-esque medieval fantasy couple thank you very much

"SALEM'S DISSONANCE"

NER & JODY - Technically two main characters, but they both share the same body. Jody was a normal human child, living his life as well as he could with humanity threatened by the Ilrah - aliens who both overtake human bodies and eat them. However, one day he was coerced by other children to go outside the Safe Zone, which resulted in him being attached by an Ilrah Hatchling. Normally that would result in the Ilrah killing his conscience, thus replacing him within his body, but instead it ended with him sharing the body with the Ilrah that tried to overtake him. Jody himself is a rather cowardly guy, shy and awkward and too afraid to speak up much. He is also more of a pacifist, straying away from violence if he can help it. Ner on the other hand is the exact opposite - brash and loud, not caring about anyone's opinion and more than happy to get involved in any form of brawl.

"ETHTERIA"

MAX - An Ethterian, a descendant of magic alien refugees from an utterly destroyed planet "Ethteria" (hence the title), as well as a soldier for special forces dealing with monsters called "Fiends" - the same ones behind the demise of their home planet who are now spreading disstress on Earth. Originally a member of a team of soldiers, forced to fully disband due to a tragic accident that had majority of the surviving members retire, Max being the only one to stay within the forces, fighting mostly solo. Or at the very least until 15 years later when she is forced to lead a group of newbies and teach them the basics. She is overall logical and stern, but also stubborn. While she values discipline a lot, she isn't above disobeying orders from her superiors if she sees it fit for the current situation.

As for crossover,,, i decided to make these silly things :3

[orangeispice]

if you care to, would you mind elaborating anyways? :3c

YES i will absolutely elaborate (i lied when i said i would not LMAO)

So prior to meeting Venom, Eddie only used he/him pronouns, as a result of his dad stifling anything "out-of-the-ordinary" (don't think I have to explain this part of his backstory).

After Eddie and Venom bonded and they got over the whole "We-hate-Spider-Man" thing, I like to think that Eddie refers to Venom using masculine pronouns, and Venom points out that technically speaking, their home planet didn't have the same kinds of female/male binaries that exist here (I mean, come on, symbiotes are an alien species).

However, Venom is technically capable of having children, through asexual reproduction, so I also headcanon symbiotes to be what 616 human scientists would equate with being biologically female.

So Eddie starts using they/them and she/her pronouns to refer to Venom (V is still learning about gender identities and does not know that female may not always mean she/her, but it feels right to her and that's what matters :D).

And then in a misguided attempt to conform to what she thinks defines an Earth human, Venom gives herself Eddie a more "womanly figure."

So basically, Eddie is going through their hero arc. Tiny children and old grandmas are saying "Thank you, Miss Venom" and "Bless you, dear girl," and Eddie feels strange. In a good way.

And by now, Venom has figured out that she doesn't actually have to have a human female physique, but she can see that it makes Eddie happy even if he tries to hide it.

Also I am an Anne/Venom/Eddie shipper and I like to think that Anne (who is a power bi) jokes that Eddie being on the genderqueer spectrum means that he is both straight and lesbian.

And then when Peter meets them both again he is visibly confused because whoa since when was Venom a chick??? but he's cool with it so long as she isn't eating anyone.

Hope that answers your question!! :D

[grimm-tales-gamer]

Fallen Hero: Sidestep 8

I missed a day, but I’m back baby!

Name: Jesse Schmidt

Gender: non-binary they/them

Villain name: Heartbreak

Villainous role: hero trainer

Motivation: justice

Scar: puppet master

Reason for gala: fight the rangers

Where are they now?: broken legs at Ortega’s apartment

   Jesse was molded by their experience as a hero. They mattered, they could save people, they were thanked, looked up to. They see it as the best time of their life, it formed them into a person rather than a regene who spent their entire life in a lab. Then it didn’t matter, Jesse was recaptured, and everyone moved on. The camaraderie that Jesse still felt after heartbreak burned away. Did they matter to those “heroes”?

   Speaking of Heartbreak, Jesse’s scar effect the way they saw their abandonment. The way they see it, it’s okay to use people as long as it’s for the greater good. They are just humans after all. Same as Jesse is just a regene. They don’t kill, Jesse will even save people if they can. But, the whole sanctity of “free choice” and “free will” matters little to them. They will prepare the heroes for what’s to come, even if it hurts them. They have gotten far too complacent.

   In terms of relationships, Jesse has relit old ones and formed new ones. Jesse having a face in and out of the armor is important to them and their plans. Easier to see different angles when the heroes trust you or even care about you. Easier to push them in the direction you want them to head in. Try to nudge Argent from what Jesse sees as borderline villainy and train Herald. What they didn’t plan for were Chen and Ricardo. They didn’t plan to still have a crush on Ricardo and develop feelings for Chen. That being said Jesse and Chen are on thin ice, knowing about the autopsy pictures. And you never truly plan for Ortega’s reactions, not anymore. Another fight might be necessary, after all he did not perform at the gala.

How about some fun facts?:

Jesse started a betting pool where you could bet on anything with the rangers back in the sidestep days.

Jesse’s nose was broken so many times that there was a betting pool to see how long before it got broken again.

Ricardo used to joke that he and Jesse should date. “After all, we get along really well and laugh at the same bad jokes…” meanwhile Anathema who knows about the crush is rubbing their temples in the background.

Despite being short, Jesse was probably the best technical fighter in the rangers at the time of the sidestep days.

Jesse has a problem with alcohol. They’ll admit it in their head but never out loud.

Now to end with stats, armor, and appearance:

Jesse has a slight preference for arrogance than anonymity, sitting at around 55%. That’s more the villain persona than anything else. Then they prefer empathy to ruthless at around 65% and daring at 91%!

Armor appearance and type: scary. Looking like something out of alien, Heartbreak’s armor is black, orange, and white. Resembling a skeletal monster with claws and the cape being flesh that hangs off the body.

Add ons: speed and telepathy

Extras: definitely the retractable claws in the armor, I can’t imagine Heartbreak without them.

Jesse’s appearance:

Race: mixed

Height: short, about 5ft 3in (1.6m)

Hair: curly dark brown hair that sort of goes everywhere, they have little control over it. It reaches the shoulders.

Eyes: hazel

Style: fashionable street wear. They are rather androgynous in their style and regularly mix masculine and feminine styles. They always were fashionable in their sidestep days, now that their confidence is returning they are reclaiming that.

[hxdrostorms]

》》BOLD all that applies to your muse!

REPOST! DON’T REBLOG!

• EYES: blue | green | brown| hazel  | grey | grey-blue | other (Lavender)

• HAIR: blond | sandy | brown | black | auburn | ginger | grey/white | multi-color | other

• BODY TYPE: skinny | slender | slim | built | curvy | athletic | muscular | chubby | overweight

• SKIN: light| medium | dark | freckled | discolored | tanned | olive | ruddy

• GENDER: male | female | trans | cis | agender | demigender | genderfluid | other | doesn’t like labels

• SEXUALITY: heterosexual | homosexual | bisexual | pansexual | asexual | demisexual | other | doesn’t like labels

• ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homoromantic | heteroromantic | biromantic | panromantic |aromantic | demiromantic | unsure | doesn’t like labels

• SPECIES: human | undead | shapeshifter | demon | angel | witch | ghost | incubus/succubus | werewolf | alien | mutant | vampire | other (muvian - an ancient humanoid species, which have long running ties to serving Athena and her army. Very little is actually known about them. Muvians are mainly known for being responsible for the creation of the cloths, they are their artisans and the only ones who can repair them. They also have psychic abilities [ranging from telekinesis, teleportation, reading people's minds, to communicating through telepathy]. Muvians also have a much longer lifespan than humans.)

• EDUCATION: high school | GED | college/university | master’s degree | PhD | other (he was subjected to the gold saint training, he was taught the skills to fix the cloths as well)

• I’VE BEEN: in love | hurt | ill | mentally abused | bullied | physically abused | tortured | brainwashed | shot

• POSITIVE TRAITS: affectionate | adventurous | athletic | brave | careful | charming | confident | creative | cunning | determined | forgiving | generous | honest | humorous | intelligent | loyal | modest | patient | selfless | polite | down-to-earth | diligent | romantic | moral | fun-loving | attractive | charismatic | calm

• NEGATIVE TRAITS: aggressive | bossy | cynical | envious | shy | fearful | greedy | gullible | jealous | impatient | impulsive | cocky | reckless | insecure| irresponsible | mistrustful | paranoid | possessive | sarcastic| self-conscious | selfish | swears | unstable | clumsy | rebellious | emotional | vengeful | anxious | self-sabotaging | moody | peevish | angry | pessimistic | slacker | thin-skinned | overly-dramatic | argumentative

• LIVING SITUATION: lives alone | lives with parent(s)/guardian (appendix/classic series setting) | lives with significant other| lives with a friend | drifter | homeless | lives with children (aries saint/Omega) | other| depends on verse

• FAMILY (EXTANT/KNOWN): mom | dad (s) [Aldebaran & Mu] | grandmother | grandfather | sibling(s)| foster | adoptive [& daughter as well - Raki] | other | none

• RELATIONSHIP: single| crushing |dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated | depends on verse

• I HAVE A(N): learning disorder | personality disorder | mental disorder | anxiety disorder | sleep disorder (insomniac) | eating disorder | behavioral disorder | substance related disorder | PTSD | mental disability | physical disability

• THINGS I’VE DONE BEFORE: had alcohol | smoked | stolen | done drugs | self harmed (Technically speaking, the old way of repairing the cloths required him to give his blood to revive them. He would use his own blood as an offering to it) | starved | had sex | had a threesome | had a one night stand | gotten into a fist-fight | gone to the hospital | gone to jail | used a fake ID | played hooky | gone to a rave | killed someone | had someone try to kill them

[dimonds456]

some hlvrai headcanons because i need to get these out

Dr Coomer is a cyborg, right? That's because of how many clones he has. Even just a tiny bit will make a whole person, but he has 300 clones. Anyone would be more man than machine after that.

Benry's Sweet Voice means different things. I'm making a full interpreted list here.

Benry is from Xen. That doesn't mean he likes it there.

Benry had to learn how to speak English. Being an alien, that's his second language. This is why he sometimes can't understand people and needs a moment to process.

He's also autistic.

Benry cannot lie with Sweet Voice, but he can lie verbally.

Bubby has acquired neurodivergence

Gordon has ADHD

Gordon is still married, but probably not for long. Just the fact that he never once mentions a partner ever gives me the impression that he doesn't care for them, even if they'd had a child together.

I don't think he's divorced since he didn't bond with Coomer over that shared experience

Dr Coomer knew Bubby from before he was released from his tube, but quite by accident. After Black Meda found out, they were like "screw it" and let Coomer help with Bubby's growth.

That happened decades ago.

Gordon derealizes a lot. This is partly due to his trauma, and partly to his ADHD.

Bubby is roughly the same age as Dr Coomer. They've been bonding since they were in their 30s

Tommy is half alien, half human. His mother's whereabouts are unknown, and his father very rarely interacts with him due to the nature of his species. When explaining this, he's found it easier to say "I'm an orphan."

Sunkist was built from the ground up. Took one strand of DNA from a golden retriever, then used some Alien Shit™ and science to create her. She was also technically born in a tube.

Sunkist's puppy years lasted for 7 years.

Sunkist's pronouns are she/her (Lauren plays her), but Tommy's concept of gender isn't 100%. So Tommy calls her he/him. If she could understand, she wouldn't mind.

Tommy has always had Sunkist, and she has always had him. So when Tommy didn't come home one day, she went looking for him. This lead to Forzen kidnapping her.

Tommy and Benry don't have clear concepts of gender. They just use whatever pronouns work and don't care about the true meaning of them.

Benry is one of the last of his species. Black Mesa hunted them down, but managed to grab a small child before it could grow into its predatory instincts. That child was Benry.

Benry got stockholm syndrom from being in Black Mesa for so long. This was on purpose, and is also why he's allowed to be a guard.

Being with the Science Team helped undo that, but not all the way.

Xen also just genuinely sucks, so.

Benry is not dead (as shown in the cast commentary). The passports really had nothing to do with that, he just likes them :)

To tap into the weird logic of HLVRAI, he needed a passport to be a guard since he's an "alien." If that sounds fucked up, that's because it is.

Benry has no true concept of love and what it is, in any sense of the word, because of how he was raised in Black Mesa. This is why he has no filter.

Benry and Gordon do become friends after a while. This takes place after robbing the bank.

[jazzyblusnowflake]

FUCK THE OTHER ANNON PLEASE GIVE US THE NSFW HEADCANONS

LMAO yall make up your minds-

okay but fair warning, there's not many nsfw headcanons since this AU was just something quick i thought up of so the NSFW aspect of it was just as a test to see how creative i could get with the concept of alien anatomy, so its mostly just about how their reproduction organs work in general. so yeah, lets get into this ahem //cracks knuckles, oh and also this is for yall-

Now then- the headcanons will be under this cut for the peeps who aren't into these stuff-

First the siren anatomy cuz.... we all already know how humans work lmao-

Both male and female sirens have 2 orifices. one is a little lower down the tail that does the work of the digestive system, and one higher up and bellow the stomach that has the reproductive tract, yes even males have this. the orifices are covered with large scales as a sheath, and through the reproductive tract both genders can grow penis like organs that are initially folded to the roof of the orifice that are tapered, long and flexible, and the muscle retraction and movement of them is voluntary and controllable by the siren, so technically speaking.... they don't get boners lmao.

The reason both males and females have both of these sections is because even though males impregnate females, females can still transfer the eggs while they are small to the males that have "pouches" similar to a females womb. more often than not the males don't agree much to this though unless its a last resort of some kind, like the females life is in danger or anything. either way they both have both. also when i say "eggs" i don't mean a litter of 20 something eggs like actual fish. i mean 1-3 in number. they give live birth, they don't actually LAY the eggs like most "fish".

all this being said, everything else, regarding sexuality, is similar to a humans, they can masturbate, they can like the same gender, same gender sex does NOT make a baby and etc etc... so how do they tell if a baby is a girl or boy? fins and scales. female babies are born with bigger fins [they need to be alluring and pretty so they have bigger and prettier fins] and have scales along their chest too which work as sheaths for their mammaries while males have smaller fins and they don't even have nips lmao-

OKAY all of this being s a i d- just because Tord didn't have anyone growing up doesn't mean he's unfamiliar with his own bodies functions, but he is unfamiliar with human customs and appropriateness- and on top of that... he never really bothered to explore his own bodily functions either if you catch my drift.

he sometimes nags at Edd when the poor man is trying to work on an art piece about whether or not wearing clothes is annoying for him and that he doesn't understand it. eventually Edd does have to explain the fact that no they do not have the ability to hide their dicks INSIDE themselves or something and its not comfortable for him to strip naked- eventually though after a few weeks of Tord giving Edd "clothed" swimming lessons, they got close enough that he does manage to convince Edd to come in the water for a skinny dip or something and Edd agrees to let him see him naked but only if he could see his junk too- [he tells himself its for anatomy purposes and not cuz hes curious or anything, yeah sure honey] and Tord agrees and even sits on the ledge eagerly to show first- he's a bit dense and doesn't really consider any of this inappropriate- he just sees it as an opportunity to learn more stuff-

anyway, Edd was......actually pretty amazed, the organ was flexible and even twisted around his hand, was slick and was easy to slide his hand over it, the action made Tord shiver and fins stand on end and the fins on his neck flutter with a slight squealing purring noise. needless to say he did not know he could do that.

a n y w a y- when it was Edds turn he did end up having to explain that he couldn't really "control" it the way Tord does and he actually needs to be sexually aroused for it to become erect and good ol- experimentally curious Tord decides the first thing he gon do is use his 11 inch tongue to twist it around Edds dick under water ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

lmao okay between that and the purring from his throat while he has the entire length of Edd in his mouth definitely sprung up Edds member. long story short- he actually thought Edds semen was sweet in flavor compared to the saltwater he LIVED in. go fig.

as for the rest of the headcanons, Edd finds that he likes it when Tords member twists around his and Tord is rather loud with his alluring "siren" voice and purring when hes the one being stroked and Edd really likes hearing it. as for who is the top or bottom...... theres no answer for that one folks they both did eachother at some point.

One time during when Matt had still not known about Tord he came in the cave to get Edd for food and Tord having to hide under water wanted to see how far he could break Edd and well... after Matt left Edd decided to fish this cocky ass fish out of the water and do him on land ground. As a payback Tord later on did him in the water too- experience wise it was 50/50. Edd didnt know how to feel about something writhing inside him and Tord thought Edds dick was rather stiff for his tract. but meh, whenever they got bored they tried to be creative... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

either way Edd didnt know how to explain the claw marks on his back when he went back to his and Matts shared room...

i think that's as much as i could squeeze out of my brain for now. have all this its 3am i gotta sleep-

[elareine]

JayTim + 42 from the Dialogue Prompts + SPACE AU, pretty please?

I… hope this counts? Technically, it’s not IN space. Though Tim would like to be. 

“You’re mad, Tim,” they said. “Stop trying to speak to aliens,” they said. “You’re wasting your life.” 

Hah. 

Tim has a… set-up. 

What’s the point, he figures, in sending waves out to space where they might be heard in a hundred years, when you could just try to contact the aliens already on Earth? After all, if intelligent life is out there and capable of interstellar travel, and if humans haven’t noticed them yet, then said life must be hiding itself. 

It stands to reason that these aliens must then be communicating among themselves in a form that’s inaccessible to humans. So Tim sat down and build every stupid crazy thing he could think off—unusual wave frequencies, smell transmitters (bad idea), hormone secretors… anything. There are forty devices stashed in his room, and he’s not crazy. 

Because one day, space talks back. 

“Koriand’r, what’s the name again for the thing—the strip around our waists that helps people not be naked? And why do I need it?” 

Tim whirls around. It’s one of his Hail Mary machine—a radio frequency so fucking impractical, no one would ever use it. 

Apart from an alien, apparently. Cause that question cannot have come from a human. Right? 

“I’m not Kori-whatstheirname,” Tim says, trying to sound chill. “But it’s called a belt. We need it because our clothing is factory-made and not tailored to fit; and also because it’s not acceptable to be naked anywhere but some beaches in Germany.”

A long pause, then the voice replies: “You’re human.” 

“Yes. Please don’t hang up. My name’s Tim Drake. Are you an alien?” 

“Uh.” There’s another pause. “I… guess? I’m not from Earth.” 

“Oh, awesome!” Tim is out of his seat and leaning forward, he’s that excited. “Wait, you speak English?” 

“I have a—a device that can mimic your languages.” 

Tim nods. “So like what Google Translate wants to be in another five years.” 

“…I suppose.” A pause. “Actually… can you tell me—who or what is a ‘google,’ exactly? I figured out it’s one of your gods, but what do they do, exactly?” 

“Oh boy, you just opened a whole new avenue of philosophy. I guess it could count as a god? Not in the religious sense, though.” 

“I’m not a boy,” he’s immediately corrected. “I’m a Hzewf.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Tim bounces back on his heels. “How about this? I explain Google to you—I’ll even throw in social media, if you want, but please don’t ask about Reddit, nothing can explain Reddit—and you tell me about the Hsev.” 

“Hzewf. Okay.” 

They talk. When the alien has to leave, Tim’s reluctant to agree—but the next day, the line crackles to life again. 

“You’re a good source,” the alien says. “We… can keep talking. If you don’t mind.” 

The alien’s name is something like j—more guttural sounding than Tim is used to, and with a long pause after—ay—or rather a pause i/j. Tim looks up various phonetic alphabets and dubs him J-a’i. 

The Hzewf have a different variety of gender expression, so the two debate pronouns, and J-a’i decides that ‘he’ will do just fine. He’s addressed as that on a daily basis, anyway, and has never minded. He draws the line at being called a man, though. 

What he is, though, is a total anthropology nerd. He wants to know everything about humans—that’s why he’s here, after all. Koriand’r, it turns out, is another alien from another planet he just met by accident. Apparently, she’s settled down and found love, so J-a’i tries not to bother her too much. The belt thing was a total emergency question. 

And now, he has Tim. 

It’s fun. Tim likes having a secret, a good one, for once. Every night, they talk. No matter how shitty his day is—and most of them are—at the end of it, he can speak with J-a’i and feel like somewhere out there, someone understands. 

And then, one day, there’s a knock on the door. Tim briefly entertains fantasies about the men in black before checking the surveillance camera and seeing an alien instead. 

Oh well. Alright then. 

He opens the door and ushers the visitor in. “J-a’i, I presume?” 

The other being looks relieved when he hears his voice. “Tim.” 

“The very one.” 

Okay. Tim kinda thought J-a’i would be smaller. Tim’s used to short jokes, but having to crane his head back like this feels ridiculous. 

“I need to hide,” J-a’i says, looking very serious. Tim would like to return the expression in kind—this is probably a very stressful and dangerous situation for an alien in hiding, and he should give it the proper gravitas—but he’s so happy. 

“So you came here?” 

“My masking device broke,” J-a’i explains. Ah. That’s why he’s so… uh… colorful. Tim’s really digging the red stripes, though. “I… I had nowhere else to go.” 

“Come with me.” Tim leads them to a cupboard, and then opens the secret door leading down. “You never know when you need a bunker.” 

“You—“ 

“Well, do you need to use it or or don’t you?” 

“I have finally found a being whose paranoia matches my own,” J-a’i says. He does get into the bunker, though. 

“So what now?” Tim asks when they’ve settled down. 

J-a’i shrugs. “I’ll probably have to leave.” 

“Go to another country?” Tim asks, already mentally mapping out his visa applications. 

“Another planet. Home, I think, at least for a while.” 

Oh. Right. What do Hzewf visa applications look like? “So we need to get to your ship.” 

“Yes.” 

“Okay. You left it in Lake Michigan, right? That’s about twelve hours by car. Oh, but,” Tim looks at J-a’i and his very much not human appearance, “should probably only travel in the dark. Luckily, there’s a lot of that in winter. We’ll give your pursuers a few hours, and then I’ll go pack. If the coast is clear, we can leave tomorrow night. What’s the weather like on your planet? Should I bring shorts?”  

Instead of an answer, though, he gets a surprised stare. “You’ll come with me?” 

“Well, duh.” Tim snorts. 

…wait. Uh. Maybe this is too much? J-a’i is self-admittedly desperate to show up here. Just because he didn’t have an alternative, doesn’t mean he wants Tim to invite himself along. None of this stuff is as exciting for him as it is for Tim, and with the bad experience the other creature has recently made with humans—

There’s an expression happening on J-a’i’s face that stops his panic attack in its tracks. Hope. Hope that’s painful because you’re sure that whatever it is you’re being offered will get snatched away from you. 

Tim recognizes the emotion for what it is, because he knows it so well. 

“Are you sure?” J-a’i asks. “We’d be going to space—“

“J-a’i,” Tim interrupts, “I’ve been waiting to hear these words all my life. Literally. All that’s missing is a kiss and we’d be in the final scene of the Hollywood movie of my dreams.” 

“Kissing is that thing you humans do, right? To express affection and/or lust?” 

“Yes.” And because Tim’s a fucking sap who has spent too many hours listening to the voice on the other end of a radio: “When we love each other, too.” 

J’a-i considers that. “Well. I… wouldn’t be opposed, either. Though I don’t understand how it relates to space travel.” 

Tim nudges his shoulder and grins. “Hey, we can work up to that. Tell me some more about your spaceship?” 

J’a-i’s whole face lights up when he talks about his ship. Tim’s heard it in his voice before, but it’s pretty awesome to see it in person. Also? He’s sitting next to an alien, talking about spaceships.

Hell yeah. Space, here Tim comes. 

(I’m taking prompts until the end of the year.) 

[prurientpuddlejumper]

Hopelessness of Wanting [Part 2]

<- Part 1 | Part 3 ->

Frederick Chilton x Reader

Continuation of an angsty dark fic request. 

Warnings: suicidal thoughts/attempt (I made myself real sad with this one so be warned if you’re vulnerable to negative thinking), NSFW, smut (gender-neutral), unhealthy relationship, depression, neurodivergent reader. Melancholy rambling. 

3,200 words

“Don’t worry about what Dr. Chilton thinks,” Nurse Clerval advised as soon as he was out of earshot. “He’s an asshole.”

“Yeah, but”—you tugged the hem of your scrubs—“He’s right. I keep messing up. I think he hates me.” You stopped there, too ashamed to admit you were the biggest fuck-up on the entire staff, new or not, or that you could tell Dr. Chilton regretted his decision to hire you.

“And the rest of us hate him. Just keep doing your job, learn the ropes—he’ll back off.”

You nodded silently and continued your rounds, delivering meds and checking in on patients. Amy had to be restrained again when she wouldn’t stop biting. Julianne seemed more confused lately, though you hadn’t known any of them long enough to tell what was normal.

Clerval’s words hung over you. It didn’t seem right that everyone hated Dr. Chilton. He was a little brusque, yes, but intelligent. Wickedly sarcastic. Posturing and puffing himself up whenever people he admired came to visit the hospital, and he wanted badly to impress them. Lonely.

Your cheeks heated at the thought of those intense bursts of green under his brow—the first thing you noticed when he conducted your interview. His eyes almost matched the light green scrubs you wore at the hospital you trained in, though the uniform here was white (as if leaning into the One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest vibe.)

But what drew you in wasn’t that his eyes were beautiful—though they were—it was the way they made contact with yours. Staring you down with fake confidence, as if he were forcing it. That stare must have been off-putting to most people, but it made your spirit leap with that particular spark of connection one only feels when finding a kindred spirit.

“Hey! Still sulking? Hurry it up,” Clerval called, jolting you to attention. You trotted after.

It was nice having a mentor on the staff, but at the same time, it just felt like having another person to eventually disappoint.

“Here! What’s next?” you beamed.

***

Dr. Chilton didn’t back off over the next few weeks as Nurse Clerval suggested. The more you thought you were getting the hang of routines at the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane, the more mistakes you seemed to make, and the harder its administrator came down on you. And the more the handsome, scarred Dr. Chilton hated you, the more nervous mistakes you made.

In nursing school, you aced everything technical. Every written test. Every memorized statistic, sterilization procedure, medication instruction, and anatomy diagram. But when it came to interacting with patients and families—being compassionate yet professional—nothing came naturally. As a child, you learned how to fake eye contact by staring at the bridge of someone’s nose. How to smile bright and encourage others so they don’t reject you. So they don’t see you as cold or weird. But sometimes, you felt like an alien just parroting human behavior.

The guy you had been dating when you started working at the BSHCI said something similar to you when he broke it off. That you were “unavailable” and never understood what he needed.

There was a reason your first choice job was at a hospital where the only patients were mentally ill murderers.

Dr. Frederick Chilton was the same way. Just better at hiding it, or braver about not caring when his mannerisms rubbed people the wrong way. He didn’t fall apart like you did. He was… incredible. As soon as you met him, you knew you wanted the job. His smile was forced but friendly that first day, and you went home dreaming about getting to know him better.

But as soon as you were hired, the friendliness went out of his eyes. On your very first day, you passed him in the hall and smiled. He frowned and informed you that you were five minutes late clocking in. Everything—every forgotten ID card and typo on a patient file—was proof to Dr. Chilton that you were incompetent.

Worthless.

He even pointed it out when you couldn’t stand up for yourself and let Nurse Clerval defend you.

Pathetic.

Why did you ever think someone like him might like you?

He wasn’t an asshole. The constant reprimanding and disciplinary write-ups were no more than you deserved. It just hurt coming from someone you admired and wished things could be different with.

God, you wished just once he would smile at you again. Tell you that you did a good job.

Your fist hovered over the dark mahogany of the carved doors to Dr. Chilton’s office, poised to knock. To tender your resignation. You hadn’t seen the extravagant interior of his office since your interview, but you could imagine him in there: laying back on the leather couch sipping a Scotch, surrounded by tall shelves of medical books and sculpted wall molding. The air filled with the library smell of old paper.

In your imagination, his cold green eyes would soften, and he would ask why you were leaving. Apologize for being so hard on you. The Chilton in your mind clasped your hand, and you both blushed, wondering if the gesture was merely a show of professional support, or if it held a deeper meaning. He clasped tighter instead of dropping your hand, knowing— understanding—the heat behind your gaze.

A dull thud came from inside the office, followed by footsteps and a muttering voice, muffled through the door. The footsteps started heading your way, and you walked briskly down the hall toward the exit, not looking back when a moment later, the mahogany doors creaked open.

Coward.

There was no point quitting, anyway. You would never find another hospital job as slow-paced, where you rarely had to speak with outsiders—only the regular long-term patient-inmates, and a small staff of orderlies, guards, nurses, and psychiatrists.

Sometimes you thought you should quit nursing altogether, but then what would you do? Flip burgers? You’d be bad at that, too. There was nothing you wouldn’t be a failure at.

A fog hovered over you, creeping its tendrils into every thought, turning every tiny setback into the end of the world, and making every success unimportant. Leaving BSHCI wouldn’t make it better. Nothing would make it better. You were the fuck-up. Anywhere you went, the problem would always be you.

Every smile you gave was forced, but you kept smiling as if everything was normal. So long as nobody could see you drowning, it wasn’t real. There was still hope that you could get your shit together, and no one would be the wiser that you were actually a disgusting piece of human trash. So long as you could smile like you were fine, you weren’t a complete failure.

But the more you pretended to be upbeat—pretended to be someone likable—the more you were certain your coworkers didn’t like you. They must have been sick of covering for you by now.

A week later, the nurse you were replacing grunted, “Finally,” as you sprinted through the door three minutes after your shift started. That one unremarkable interaction was the final proof of a theory you had been nursing for a long time:

Everyone’s lives would be easier without you.

That was the final conclusion, the final, creeping thought the suffocating fog wormed into your head. The crescendo of a distorted symphony that had been subtly building to this from the beginning.

You couldn’t force yourself to smile anymore.

***

You didn’t have authorized access to the medication supply room, but you swiped a key from Dr. Tenley’s office. For a secure facility, the doctors of the Baltimore State Hospital for the Criminally Insane were lax about locking their own offices. She would notice it was missing by Monday morning, and there would be serious repercussions for stealing it, but you weren’t concerned. You wouldn’t be around to face them.

With the high-potency drugs available in a hospital and a working knowledge of pharmacology, ending a life could be quick and relatively painless.

The key clicked in the door. You glanced up and down the hallway to make sure no one was coming. But the coast was clear.

A halfhearted breath puffed from your nose. Part of you wanted to find it funny how easy this was, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to laugh.

You stealthily opened the windowless metal door, stepped inside, and shut and locked it behind you without making a sound. Once inside the small room, you let out a silent sigh of relief (or despair). Only a handful of people had a key, so you were unlikely to be interrupted, especially at night with only a skeleton staff on duty.

There were three rows of tall storage shelves crammed into the walk-in closet with clean tile in the few places wall was exposed. The whir of a climate-control system drowned out the pulse in your ears as you scanned for the drugs you were looking for.

You found them faster than expected. They could have at least been hidden. The universe could have put a few more obstacles in your path, but instead, the universe was giving you a big fat sign it wanted you dead.

You picked up the packaging. Turned it over in your hand.

Just a handful of these, and all the problems you cause would be over. No more reprimands. No more disappointing everyone you meet. No more wrenching in your gut every time Dr. Chilton looks at you with contempt when you long to see a smile. No more trying so hard every minute of every day.

It wasn’t like too many people would be sad you were gone anyway. Most of them will be relieved.

Your eyes stung.

Wasn’t someone going to walk in and stop you?

Your lip trembled. Why would anyone want to stop you?

Tears rolled down your face as the reality of your plan set in. Survival instinct kicked and clawed at the cloying fog of twisted logic that promised you would be helping everyone if you stopped existing, but it was losing the battle.

And then you heard someone call your name.

You sniffed and looked up. No… not someone calling your name. Moaning it. You crept to the last row of shelves at the back and gasped—Dr. Chilton had his laptop tucked onto a shelf and was watching a clip of security feed on loop. His red, glistening erection thick in his hand as he masturbated, whimpering your name over and over.

You watched silently—he was so engrossed he didn’t notice your shadow falling over the aisle. It was only when the package of drugs slipped from your hand and clattered on the floor that he jumped with a shriek, covering himself, though his massive erection was still conspicuous in his pants. His eyes bugged out at you, face red with embarrassment—but then they quickly narrowed to anger.

“What are you doing in here? You are not authorized to be in this room,” he barked.

All you could think about was what you heard—the name gasping from his lips. It overpowered every other thought. “Were you… imagining me?”

His nostrils flared. He hastily shut the laptop which was looping security footage of you outside his office door.

Then he laughed—forced and cruel. “What I imagine is not your concern. Do not read into it. I have never shown you special treatment, have I? Do you think that I could have feelings for an incompetent nurse?”

“I know that!” Your lip trembled again now that the briefest spark of hope you had was shattered. Of course he didn’t like you. He was just a pervert who jacked off to all the nurses. “Don’t you think I know that I’m worthless? You’ve made it abundantly clear.”

Fresh tears rolled down your cheeks, and Chilton’s eyes softened, as if for the first time realizing that all his attempts to hurt you had succeeded. You were hurt. And he did not enjoy it as much as he thought.

“You are not worthless,” he said quietly. Then his eyes flicked down to the floor, at the medication you dropped. He picked it up, read what it was. His expression fell. “What were you doing in here, nurse?” he swallowed.

“Nothing. I just… needed something for a patient.”

“Lie,” he said.

You looked away. Everything was numb. It barely even occurred to you that someone stopped you after all. A handsome, awkward, cruel doctor you admired was in the same room with you and had said his first kind words since the day you met.

He took a slow step toward you. Then another. His hand—slender and surprisingly large—pressed your arm in an attempt at a comforting gesture. An alien parroting human behavior.

“You are not worthless. I assure you, none of your mistakes have been grievous. You are certainly not the least competent of my staff. Far from it. So don’t…” He swallowed. “…Do not do anything rash.”

“Sure,” you scoffed. “Then why am I the one you’re always reprimanding? The one always being called to your office?” You knew what he thought of you; he was just trying to talk you down.

“That…” he began in a broken voice, “That must be painfully obvious now.”

Your eyes peeled away from the floor and found his face, and the storm of emotions flashing over it. Shame. Trepidation. A faint light of hope.

“You like me?” Your voice sounded far away. The analytical part of your brain was whirring away above the swamp of depression bogging you down with lies that nobody could like you. But it made sense. As the words spilled from your mouth, it was like a veil lifted.

Pulling pigtails. He was pulling your pigtails because he liked you. A middle-aged psychiatrist ought to have more emotional maturity handling a crush than a third-grader, but there was a reason he worked at a hospital where the only patients were mentally ill murderers. There was a reason his staff hated him. Why he was lonely, and why you desperately wanted to be the one to fill the empty space by his side.

Frederick Chilton was a lot like you.

You could understand each other and be less alone in this world, together.

***

His eyes were closed and he was muttering something self-flagellating and vaguely apologetic when the kinetic sense of you moving closer caused Frederick Chilton to look up.

No longer out at arm’s distance, you were within each other’s breathing space. And now, he was genuinely terrified—terrified you were going to return his feelings. Of the joy it might bring crashing down on him like an airplane. He read something he never expected to see in your body language, and it shook him deeper than being walked in on with his cock in his hands.

You should have reported him for ethics violations.

If you made the case to the hospital board that he created a hostile work environment because he wanted you sexually, he would lose his job and do everybody a favor.

But this—the intention in your body—this was the farthest thing from what he deserved. You confirmed his fear when your soft, perfect lips melded against his. Yet, as always when he knew a thing was wrong, he did not push you away. Did nothing to stop you. He let you deepen the kiss slowly, and you were warm, the taste of you sweeter than he imagined in all his lonely nights of fantasizing.

His cock twitched, your closeness awakening his urges again. He moaned as your lips parted, his lips parting with them, and your tongue gently probed inside. You were tentative at first, investigating only the nearest reaches of his inner lips, and then his hand spasmed on your arm, and with a low growl, he pulled your closer—then you became ravenous. All the turbulent emotions churning within you broke free in that kiss. You sobbed into his mouth, your tongue, hot and fervent, explored and assaulted the depths of him, your hands weaving into the hair behind his neck, and he could taste your salt. It was all his tongue could do to keep up—to let himself be consumed.

Dear god, if only that passion would have ended him then and there. The moment your lips met his in an unexpected act of reciprocation was the fulfillment of every want, every tattered and twisted hope—the highest delight a man such as him could achieve. And he knew—rightly so—that all that could follow was suffering of his own design.

Dear god, let me die before I see this in ruins. Let me die with my happiness.

***

The sex wasn’t all that good. But then again, you had gone into that supply closet intending to never come out, so overall, being fucked by the man you had been pining for was a positive turn of events.

It wasn’t how you’d imagined your first time with Dr. Chilton, pressed against a cold tile wall. A hungry kiss led to his clothed erection pushing against your thigh, led to you unbuckling his belt.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he whispered hoarsely, nervous eyes darkened with lust—and you nodded, sliding down your scrub pants, which stuck on your sneakers, hobbling your ankles. He was in too much of a rush to let you take them off—he only opened up his slacks and pulled his cock out of the fly of his briefs. And then he was thrusting into you from behind—frantic, desperate. Your ankles being bound only added to the thrill of him being in control. Dr. Chilton wanted you after all—fantasized about you—and now he was taking you, and all you had to do was surrender to his desire.

His breathy moans rose with each snap of his hips, his hands traveling up your chest under your shirt, fingers curling around your neck, possessing you. Touching every inch of skin he could get his hands on. And that noise that saved your life, your name on his lips, he chanted in your ear.

He was fast—hips racing as if this were his only chance, and if he waited, you would disappear—and he finished fast. You didn’t spend long with your face pressed to the cold tile when his moans broke into a shattered scream, and his head slumped, sweaty, against your back.

Then he turned you around to face him and got on his knees. Heedless of his own mess that he’d left sticky and bitter inside you, he pumped his fingers into you and sucked like he was fulfilling a duty. Clinical about the task, and efficient. It didn’t take him long to bring your arousal to a climax in his mouth.

After, he was quiet. When you had cleaned up, he looked at you like you were a mistake… only you weren’t certain what kind of mistake. If you reached out to reassure him, would he jerk away and tell you to never speak of this again?

“Was it… all you expected?” you asked robotically. Your arm crossed your body, hugging yourself.

And then he kissed you again, softly. He ran his fingers over your hair and pulled back just far enough to study your face. His eyes were wet, clouded with a million thoughts and regrets you would only learn about later.

“You are perfect,” he whispered.

• ● • ━━━━━─ ••●•• ─━━━━━ • ● •

Since I went some places this chapter... Please don’t bottle up your feelings if they’re telling you horrible things about yourself. They aren’t true, I promise. You matter. ❤️

Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Online chat: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/

Help via Text: https://www.crisistextline.org/ (Text HOME to 741741)

List of additional resources: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/suicide-resource-guide 

Tags:

@beccabarba​ / @itsjustmyfantasyroom / @thatesqcrush / @dianilaws / @permanentlydizzy / @mrsrafaelbarba / @madamsnape921 / @astrangegirlsmind / @neely1177 / @onerestein / @dreamlover31 / @stormtrooperofficerbrowneyes / @barbasimp / @storiesofsvu / @welcometothemxdhouse / @feedthemadness-sweetie / @law-nerd105 / @amelia-song-pond / @michael-rooker / @xecq 

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH. 10

Even with the fatigue you felt after your laughing tic, you couldn't go to sleep at all last night. Which isn't a big deal, after all you are a chronic insomniac who has had an on off sleep schedule this week.

After twelve fifty-two hit and you still weren't tired or even close to doing your tired tics you did the only thing you could think to do on this technical Saturday morning. You started on your weekly tidy of the house. Bless whatever powers at be that you ended up in this cottage outside of town rather than an apartment unit surrounded by neighbors. The amount of complaints you would've gotten would have surely gotten you evicted.

It's not like you could stop this behavior, well you could but if you start doing nothing when you have spurts of insomnia you'll get lazier when you need to be productive. Banking on the fact that you'll just do it when you have insomnia. It happened all the time when you were in school, and while that worked for a while it wasn't a healthy way to cope with your sleep disorder.

You've found doing productive things or anything you would do when the sun was up typically helps you regulate you circadian rhythm faster than it ever did when you just laid in bed praying for sleep to take you.

It isn't at all surprising when you finish your chores around two forty that morning. With nothing better to do and not being at all in the mood to do any attempt at art or reading. You decide to settle in to watch a movie. It starts with scrolling through Netflix and seeing Coraline, then that turns into Paranorman, which turned into Corpse Bride, several episodes of the old Twilight Zone.

By the time you were finished with the fourth episode it was already one in the afternoon. You really needed to start baking if you wanted fresh cookies for the movie tonight. Setting up your monster movie hard drive to play a movie for background noise you set out on baking.

It's a super simple recipe you started using back in high school but it's always a hit at parties. Maybe it's because you fold candies, chocolates, nuts, or whatever topping into each cookie individually. You can't say for sure but everyone loves them, and you think that's nice.

Creaming butter while the sounds of a woman screaming in agony as a zombie eats her lower intestine seems very much on point for you. However, you soon find yourself drowning out the movie as you hyper focus on the mixing of ingredients. You tripled the recipe, hoping to make a mixture of mini sugar cookies, mini chocolate chip cookies, and mini mini M&M cookies. If you had thought about it more you might have grabbed a jar of maraschino cherries to add them to the mix. Although you think three batches of mini cookies might be a little excessive so four may have been overkill.

'Oh well, no turning back now.' you think preheating the oven for four hundred degrees and roll tiny half inch dough balls while you wait.

After about fifteen minutes you assume the oven is hot enough to start baking. You line the first tray up all with sugar cookies. You only get two thirds of the bowl down on that tray. It was your biggest one too. Setting a timer for ten minutes so you could turn the cookies to let them bake for another three after that, you turn your attention to folding a handful of chocolate chips into the next bowl's dough balls. Placing the new chocolate chip dough into the bowl holding the rest of the sugar cookie dough as you go. You nearly finish that when the timer goes off to spin the tray. Honestly at this rate all your dough will be ready before you even have one bowl down. You hope you can finish baking in time for the movie.

It's five o' two by the time you put the last batch in the oven. You've been cleaning as the cookies baked and now your kitchen is nearly clean once more. Just a few more dishes to do after that batch comes out and you pack up the cookies.

Letting the most recent batch have a chance to cool you start placing all the cookies in your three largest containers. You'll need to grab a fourth container for the last of the cookies, but all the cool cookies are now ready for transport.

And with how early in the evening it is you should eat something now so you can have some room for snacks later. Time to finish off that pizza. Taking a slice out to the bins and placing it neatly on the ground for Chonk, whenever it is he decides to come and claim it, you turn back around to finish baking and get your dinner. After pulling the cookies out and setting them to cool you reheat your dinner for tonight.

Sitting down, plate in hand, you're just able to catch the shift into the next movie. Teen Wolf 1985 starring Micheal J. Foxx. Not a scary movie by any means but you keep it in the storage drive for rainy days. And even though today isn't raining you think it'll be a good watch.

You can not believe how utterly painful that was to have just watched. It was so average that it might as well not had the werewolf aspect at all! The acting was average, makeup was ok for the time, but the writing was just the worst. And the ending basket ball scene? It felt like a cheesy early 2000s Disney Channel original movie. You're pretty sure if you combined several Disney movies you'd have that exact plot. Hell Don't Look Under the Bed was scarier than that, and it was a better story too.

Checking the time you see you have about the average length of a Disney Channel movie before you have to leave. Good because you really want to watch Don't Look Under the Bed now. Switching over to your Disney+ account you find said movie and rush to put everything up as it runs through the beginning credits. With cookies packed away and the containers stacked and ready you plop back on your couch to immerse yourself in the early 2000s “horror”.

Just as the hand comes from under the bench to caress Fran a knock rings through your home, effectively startling you. Your eyes shift over to your front door, it's nearly eight thirty on a Saturday who or what is all this far out? Getting up from the couch you make your way over to your door, unlike every horror movie you have your phone and contacts pulled up and ready to dial. Phone behind your back and thumb hovering over Hollis' contact you open the door. Where three figures greet you.

Tim stands in front of the other two, dressed in dark jeans a gray tank top and red flannel with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. Brian stands behind him and to his right, he's wearing regular jeans and an olive v-neck. Jesus fucking Christ is it 2012 and no one told you? Toby off to Tim's left is in black jeans a black t-shirt with a green short sleeve button up that has a little alien head pattern. Well, they don't look like they're here to murder you with an ax, so you move the hand from behind your back and let it rest by your side.

Missing the two tense gazes as you move the appendage.

“...Um, hi?” what would normal people do in this situation? Was this even a normal situation to find yourself in, what with three men you've just met at your front door.

Tim seems to be looking for his words, he must be out of his element as well. On the other hand Brian seems content to let Tim flounder around for a bit, all the while Toby wrings his hands together. You can't tell if it's from nerves or his tics.

“Hey..uh, so you mentioned Saturday Dead. But we're new so..and we..” Tim is even worse with human interaction than you are.

“We were wondering if 'stop it' if you wanted to ride with us and give us directions.”

Oh that makes sense.

“Yea sure thing, c'mon in. I'll go get ready.”  You give the men some space to enter your home. Then lead them to your living room,

“Make yourselves comfy.” you say as you leave them to change.

Once in your room you lock the door, although you believe you have a good reading on Toby to not be the type you can't be too safe around new men.  You opt to change into the first shirt you grab from your closet, black t-shirt with several flatwoods monsters on it along with the phrase 'squad goals' and a pair a black joggers. Perfectly comfy for a chill movie night at the crypt.

“That was fast.” is the first thing you hear when you reenter the living room.

Toby had no problems making himself comfortable in your home, since he is sitting on the couch, seemingly watching the movie with your fidget cube in hand. Brian and Tim, on the other hand, were leaning on the wall separating the living room and kitchen.

“What d'you mean?” you asked Tim confused, tilting your head to the side.

“Well, uh” he seems embarrassed by this for some reason, “women normally take a long time changing is all.” Ooooooh now you get it he's a misogynist.

The room goes quiet with Tim's stupid opinion. Toby ceases all fidgeting, Brian however looks as though he's a cat that caught a canary. He must enjoy the pain and embarrassment of others, the dick.

“Mmmh I don't think that's true,” you'll let this one slide but Tim's on thin ice, “Anyway I'm not a woman. I'm trans agender.” Tim has the decency to look embarrassed for stuffing his foot into his mouth. But it isn't really his fault you never mentioned your pronouns or lack of gender to him, and you mix and match your masculine and feminine days. Understandably you won't blame him for not knowing your pronouns but that misogynistic comment will still be marked as a red flag.

“I am so sorry.” and he truly does sound sorry for the slip up.

You shake your head and shoo away his apology, “It's good, you didn't know.”

“We ready to go?” you ask looking around the room. Tim and Toby nod, the younger man moving off the couch to stand with you all when Brian speaks up.

“Actually, Toby don't you have to use the restroom?” Said man pauses on his way over to your little group, “No.” voice laced with confusion and irritation.

Tim jumps in with a stern, “I really think you should.” Toby cuts his eyes at Tim and Brian.

As weird as it is for one grown man to tell another to go to the bathroom, let alone two grown men, you quickly remember Toby's CIPA.

“Dude the drive itself is gonna be nearly an hour plus the two hour movie. The Cryptonomica only has one bathroom and like thirty people will be there tonight.” You assumed you'd also get a glare for insisting on the matter. But you only get Toby's furrowed brow in response and he looks uncomfortable right now, not intimidating. He's probably embarrassed that his new acquaintance...friend? Is also present for the topic of his bathroom habits.

With another glare to Tim and Brian, Toby pushes past you and down the hallway. Normally this would leave you in an awkward situation but thankfully you have escape tasks!

Marching over to the entertainment center you turn off the TV. Spotting your fidget cube on the table where Toby left it, you decide to pocket it just in case he'd want to use it for the movie.

A loud thud startles you and you look up to see Tim picking up a few books that fell from the bookshelf.

'Weird...' you think as you watch him place them back onto the shelf they fell from.

“A...sorry.” as he places them back you notice one side of the shelf is tilted downwards. It must've just lost that little nub that holds the shelf up in that corner. You probably have a few spares floating around in one of your trinket holders.

You give Tim a small 'it's fine' as you pass him on your way to the kitchen. Cookies all set on the counter you go over to your fridge and grab the popcorn bag off the top. Opening the fridge and retrieving the Surge for Kirby you are all set on your snacks for tonight.

Placing the Surge and popcorn on top of your cookie containers you go back to the living room to join the boys in waiting for Toby. Who is already coming out of the bathroom, drying his hands on his jeans....He knows you had a towel for that right?

“We should be good to leave now.” Brian says turning from Toby to you.

“Ok yea, after you guys.” you side stepped  back into the kitchen doorway to let the men pass you.

“Want some help?” Toby asked as he walked closer. And as much as you wanted to say no you had it, you really didn't want to drop the Surge and have a big mess everywhere.

Nodding to him, thinking he was just going to take the things at the top or even the top container with them. Toby reaches out and barely brushes your hands at the bottom before taking the entire load into his own arms.

It felt like someone rubbed sandpaper across your knuckles and fingers where his hands touched. The burning sensation persisted even long after his hands had moved away.

It's the first time you've gotten bad vibes from Toby's touch. He's probably in a bad mood, his touch hasn't held much intention before but this hurts. Or you could totally be reading too much into this with too little sleep and you just aren't having a tactile day. You never have tactile days really just small windows where if someone is lucky they can squeeze a pat on the shoulder or a high five out of you.

“Hey, that's not helping.” you call out following the men out of your home.

“It's not?” he asks, “Then what is it?” why's he have to sound so smug about this.

“Condescending.” Toby blinks in surprise at the no nonsense tone of your voice.

You weren't harsh with your words...at least you don't think so. You were just stern in how you said them, wanting to get your point across.

Turning from the men you lock your door and check twice to make sure. When you turn back to face them you grab the top two containers of cookies, and subsequently the popcorn and Surge laying atop it, from Toby.

“This is helping. I could do this much at least.” Toby nods dumbly as you pass them and make your way to the cars.

“We can take ours, we'll drive you back.” Tim says unlocking their little sedan.

That seems fine, after all if you ended up wanting to stay later Kirby would totally let you crash on the couch in the basement and take you home in the morning. Or whenever he woke up tomorrow. And that way you wouldn't be keeping the boys too late. It is their first Saturday Night Dead and first time meeting most of the young adults in town. The night was bound to get draining.

You agree and hop into the back seat on the driver's side, Toby sliding in from the opposite side, leaving Brian to take the passenger seat and Tim to drive. You and Toby place the cookies in the middle seat and you thank him for his help. He quickly nods and looks out the window, knee starting to bounce slightly.

“Where am I going?” Tim asked as you all got buckled in.

“Ok, so we can either drive all the way through town or drive through the forest and across the river.”

“Which is faster?” Brian chimes in as Tim bristles.

“Forest.” You do catch Tim's reflection rolling his eyes at your reply.

To be fair with this group you wouldn't chance getting stuck in the forest on your way to a horror movie night. Like that's kind of a horror movie cliché right there. You and Toby are young enough that you're sure someone would mistake you two for late teens, in fact you know it's happened to you several times in the past week alone. While you're fine going into the forest at night by yourself it's only because horror movies don't center around one person dying in a forest by some ancient entity.

'But they do start that way.' that thought almost makes you want to cut back on your nightly hikes, unfortunately you have no other coping mechanisms for your insomnia other than hiking or driving. So you'll ignore that thought for now.

The car is quiet as everyone waits for someone to respond. Toby's knee bouncing is more obvious as it begins to jostle the car. He's also staring down at his hands, still red from his picking yesterday, wringing them together. Clearly the stationary car is getting to him, he breaks the silence.

“Will someone fucking say something?”

“Sorry,” you say gently to him, “Yea we can just go through town. Tim do you know where Whistle's Auto is?”

“Uh yea,” you catch his quick glance towards Toby in the rear view mirror.

“Cool just head in that direction and keep on Highland Street.”

That's all you had to say before Tim was shifting gears and driving off. You notice quickly that he's a faster driver than Toby was. It's yet to be seen if that should make you uneasy, you'll have to see how well he breaks.

When you guys had made it through town and Tim came to a stop in front of a sign proudly stating 'Welcome to the Cryptonomica' they were understandably concerned by the lack of a building or any other cars. You get out of the car and grab two of the cookie containers, when you made a grab for the other two and the snacks on top Toby kept them out of your reach and exited the car as well.

“So where is...everything?”

“Oh we have to hike. The shop's further in the forest.” you say as you walk on past Tim.

“You said people were gonna be here.” Brian chimes in.

Right this now looks like you have dragged them to a parking lot in the middle of no where in a small town that they don't really know people in. Great going YN. Way to look like the bait for a weird cult looking for sacrifices.

“Yea the Hornets. They're the local “biker” gang.” the stunt group probably had the dirt bikes out today, it was nice enough for it.

Understandably the men hesitated before following you. Toby was the one who quickly caught up with you, perks of longer legs, and matched your speed to the shop. It didn't even take five minutes before you saw the shop and a few Hornets out front smoking or just plain loitering.

A chorus of “YN!” “Hey we missed you last week.” “Yo, did you hear..” rang through as you greeted the group. Upon seeing the containers of cookies the chorus was replaced with cheers and you were given excited praise as they made way for the four of you to be let in. So embarrassing, you flush under the praise getting a little energy boost from it as well. Your mood however changes when you lock eyes with the person running the booth tonight. Keith Warren, second in command and assistant manager of the Hornets. Despite having no beef and all the same friends you two have never clicked. It's almost your thing to be completely rude to each other when you do interact.

“Warren.”

“LN” his disdain is clear too, “Ten dollars bucket.” he hadn't even looked at you the jerk!

“Forty tonight, brought friends.” you placed the containers you had on the table as you dug the money from your wallet to pay for you all.

Keith does look up at that, literally the only time more locals come in is during Halloween when they want to get into the spooky season. So he's surprised to see three new faces attending Saturday Night Dead.

“Hey there, name's Keith.” you roll your eyes as he introduces himself to the group, you'll just slip away now since you already paid.

“Rude!” Kieth calls out, “Small talk!” you respond. You vaguely hear the rest of the introductions and Keith waving off the guys when they try to pay again. Oh maybe you should have actually told them you'd pay for their tickets, you thought it was obvious you invited them and they even drove you here. It's just polite that you cover their tickets this week.

Soon Toby is back by your side, you have a feeling you won't be able to loose him tonight if you tried, as you walk through the shop and towards the trap door in the back. The trap door that leads to the panic room converted into movie theater on Saturdays. Once you get down you bee line for the table in the back that is already half filled with snacks and some sodas. With Toby still following you he copies your moves of opening the containers and placing them on the table. You take the Surge and popcorn away from Toby, throwing the popcorn over in the direction of your corner seat and bring the Surge over to the man working on the white screen set up.

“Present.” Kirby pays no mind to you as he struggles with the screen. So you wait silently for him to just kick the thing and move on. Like clockwork Kirby kicks the bottom cover and the rest unravels perfectly.

“I need to replace this.” he says, just like he does every week.

“Oooh thank you.” he grabs the battery acid marketed as a beverage and spirits off. Weird guy.

“That's Kirby, he runs this place. Normally very chill but between the Picnic and movie night he ….just needs a break.” it's the nicest way you can put it. Toby just nods and scans the room wringing his hands together uncomfortably. You've noticed he hasn't ticced once since leaving the car, maybe he's suppressing them despite how anxious he clearly is.

Doing your own scan of the room you see that Tim and Brian haven't made their way in yet, Keith probably talking their ears off. Better them than you, you suppose. You're about to ask Toby if he wants to find them when the local power couple walks in.

“Party starting soon my dudes sit tight!” Jake announces as he and Hollis walk in to take their usual seats.

“Op spoke too soon babe, YN's here.” Hollis let out a chuckle when you rolled your eyes.

“Came without a soap box, hope cookies are suitable.”

And both are already grabbing a few of your mini cookies before they've even sat down. You really are glad you made them. Remembering Toby's with you, you introduce him to your friends.

“Tobais these are my friends Jake,” the blonde smiles warmly, “and Hollis.” They cover their mouth and toss a peace sign up as their mouth is still full. “And this is my friend Tobais.” he raises a hand to greet them.

“Hey, you're the new guy over at Auto right? You fixed Katrina's bike up quicker than Lewis ever does.” When Toby nods Hollis continues, “Man she's been saying how much smoother it rides now. Think I can stop by this week and get you to take a look at mine?”

“Yea, that should be fine.” and with that the two began to talk shop, literally. They just started talking about Hollis' bike. Normally all the Hornets do their own maintenance on their bikes but their motorcycles still need inspections and what not. This is really working out for you, your friends all getting along.

Thankfully it seems the topic calms Toby down a little, and you can see a head twitch or two make it's appearance as the two speak. Hollis being the chill person they are, and being used to your own brand of tics, makes no comment or acknowledgment of his tics.

Jake pulls you into a conversation about plans for a hang out at H2Woah that was fun, later after all the picnicing was done. Said he wanted to try surfing in the wave pool, you aren't sure about it but you agreed you'd teach him at least the basics of surfing if he taught you how to snow board. Didn't take much for the deal to be sealed.

Tim and Brian finally made their way down to the basement and you raised a hand so they could find you and Toby. Really it wouldn't have been too difficult but with everyone starting to pack in you didn't want anyone to be out of the group. Introductions had been made and everyone took to their seats.

You were already in the corner opening your popcorn when Toby sat down on your left blocking you from the rest of the room. Thinking on it if Toby wanted to eat he'd probably be too self conscious of his scar to take his mask off.

“Hey...actually would you mind if we switched?” he just gave you a lazy look before standing up and letting you scoot into his previous spot before sitting down in your spot. This way you could in theory block the view of his scar later.

You notice how his eyes dart in the room, despite Brian and Tim being just behind you two Toby still seemed on edge in the space. He has looked a bit uncomfortable all night, maybe that's why he was sticking to your side. You're way less outgoing than Brian is and Tim seems content to let him do his own thing. You feel bad, like you pressured him into coming and now he's paying for it. Toby looks a few minutes away from ripping the skin around his nails off again and you don't want a repeat of that.

“Here.” you whisper as the lights go off, handing Toby the cube from your pocket.

It's a quiet moment between you two as the trailers of the DVD play out and Toby focuses in on the cube. You note how he gravitates to the marble and joystick sides the most, always moving his thumb across each in a counterclockwise motion before reversing for a beat. Counter counter switch counter counter switch counter counter counter switch.

Once he found his rhythm with the toy you see tension leave his shoulders a little. Is he even able to feel the tension in his muscles?

You shift focus to the screen as the opening credits play out. And if you weren't sitting so close to Toby you'd missed the clucking sound coming from him. Knowing he'd get more anxious about his tics in this “quiet” setting you opt to ignore them and focus on the movie. After all the more relaxed he is the less likely he is to tic meaning the less anxious he is and more he can enjoy himself tonight.

About a third of the way through the movie you catch Toby sliding his mask off one ear, letting it shield his scarred cheek, and grabbing a handful of popcorn. You can't hide the giddy grin on your face from the action. To say you were worried about Toby not enjoying tonight was an understatement. But he had to have felt some comfort to slide his mask off in public, right? Your reassurance comes in the form of another handful of popcorn, as Toby pays no mind to you and only to the demon currently dancing on the screen.

With a terrible movie playing and a less anxious friend at your side you settle down a bit more yourself. Barely noticing when your head falls on Toby's shoulder as you slip into unconsciousness.

You wake up to the roaring of Kirby's snores and popcorn in your hair. A typical Sunday morning for you since arriving in Kepler.

[adamarcymag]

Responce to the @writingwithcolor about my question about black scientists in the 50s/60s

Thank you for your response! I researched and even more than George Washington Carver I found amazingly close plot points in the life of Percy Lavon Julian, that I used to write those characters. I have many black characters in this AU but only 3 of them have higher degree - going with Super/M*d Scientist archetype. They are based on white comic characters, who were scrapped to the basic idea and rewritten - because of that I don't think that specifics on who those characters are would be relevant. One of them is a hero, one is a villain, and one was invented as a villain but in my take is more True Neutral.

The Hero is mixed, half black half south-asian, but having mostly black features. His mother moved to the US from Britain. He is a calm, kind-hearted man working under the big medical company as a research chemist. He wanted to be a scholar in the university he was attending, but was denied a professorship for racial reasons.This company looks all around the world looking for fictional substances that might heal people from many illnesses. He was hired mostly due to the fact that he knew Indian dialects thanks to his mom, and they were looking for this substance in India. He was obligated mostly to work as translator between indian workers and their english-speaking supervisors, but later he could get himself to work on this “science juice”. He synthesised it to the single enzyme that was technically able to safely mutate people - change their size, giving them wings, gills, tails, increase the strength and durability without damaging the body and risking life. He was afraid that the company might use it to do evil. Keeping the discovery of substance in a secret, Hero decided that human trials would be limited to the only subject he could trust: himself. Feeling that the mutating abilities induced by this drug should be used for good purposes, he decided to use the abilities to help those in need; in other words, he would become a superhero. He crippled the company’s outpost in India and later he moved back to the US, joining a local superhero group. He later has a problem with staying with the rest though- his colleagues are creeped out by his mutating body, also he gets a bit of an addiction problem, that makes his (mostly white) partners put him on the side to not worsen their already bad PR, so he might go solo. I am not sure yet.

The Villain is the son of freed slaves, whose parents really fought for him to get him a chance of proper education. He got himself into a local university who allowed some black people to become a medic. During his education he was noticed for his surgeon skills by a doctor from France guesting in the US and he got himself sent to finish his graduation to Lausanne University. He shares his room with white guy who is gay and fells in love with him, but never speaks about his feelings, because homosexuality was perceived as mental illness, and he really wants to be a psychiatrist. After graduating he decides to stay in France and work under this doctor - sadly it turns out that he acts like the Villain owes him a favor for this, and therefore he has to work for him for lesser payment and his private research is regularly stolen. His main reason to stay is that “maybe it's bad but under Jim Crow it would be worse” and this situation remains to the start of WW2. During the war he joins the resistance, and later he becomes medic for the US troops. War throws him into hell, when the final point is learning about liberation of Auschwitz camp by soviets. He is broken by the amount of death around him, as he comes to the conclusion that human life, as it is, is worthless, as well as his medic job. So he decides to commit his life to find the way to achieve immortality for the human kind. Over the years he grows more ruthless and obsessed over his research, as he comes back to the US in the 50s, supposedly for a science symposium, but really to get himself a body of an ancient vampire that was discovered in the city where his past roommate lives, with some extra stealing funds for research and kidnaping people for experiments. At the finale he injects himself with the immortality serum, who turns him into a scary monster, and later immobilises him, as a fate worse than death. (he comes back tho)

The Neutral one is Jamaican man. He was raised during the birth of the rasta religion, but was always interested in wealthy whites going onto the island on summer vacation. He decides to move to the US after a girl he once met. After didnt finding her he is still too stubborn to come back and decides to get himself a high degree in zoology and/or pharmacy. After getting a degree he becomes an assistant in a local drug store. It turns out that the owner of this shop is selling drugs to the mafia. When the owner once decides to stop trade with them they kill him, and The Neutral One is immediately blamed. With a half-assed trial he is sentenced to prison, but his prison bus has an accident. Neutral One is nastly scarred as he is able to flee. Later he lives a hermit lifestyle in the abandoned parts of the city, accompanied only by animals and the local community of homeless people, who are treating him as their medic and protector (even sometimes they microinsult him, by calling him “Wizard” what he really hates, as he was working too hard for his knowledge to be dismissed as magic). He himself is sad, distant and emotionally closed, being completely disappointed by the “Babylon'' around him. Later natural catastrophe forces him to move from his comfort zone and find a new place for himself. Are there any things that make you go “yikes”? Is there something to change, develop, explain better? PS1. All those 3 characters have body-horror elements in them. I can explain it as almost ALL characters I redesigned for this AU have those mutation elements, of all genders and ethnicities. I just adore body horror.

PS2 Those characters in the current form of the story don't really interact with each other. While the Hero has other black people to interact with, both Villain and Neutral are alienated by design… and that makes them a bit “token”.

[thecrazyworldbuilder]

Raclis

(Rah-ck-lee-s): a list of intelligent species that are made up by me, both alien and fantasy. This is Episode One, where we gonna see some of the races from the A litera.

(PS: I have a list of 203 fantasy/alien races and most of them are my own creation, while the others are the classical elves, centaurs, orcs and et cetera. The list is arranged in alphabetical order and for now has only the shortest descriptions: these posts will be something like a description paper for every single race. I would love questions asked and will answer them with pleasure.)

Abyss Elves

Once technically normal elves, a large group of them was sent into the Abyss (also called Aumenel) for crimes they didn’t commit. Locked here for eternity, they slowly forgot most of the information about their past. They praise the myths about the sun, the sky, a world where there is no pain and darkness. They started calling each other Foariar (Those who are without sunlight). And slowly evolved into their modern looks. Dark skin, tints of green and purple, turquoise glowing eyes, whitish pink hair. Their blood is dark purple and has an odd scent of mashed tulips.

Fast facts:

- Super good climbers and parkourists due to the terrain of the Abyss.

- Are mostly always ripped athletes. 

- When cut off, their hair will glow a pretty bright light for nearly five hours.

- In sunlight they go into an euphoric state which they hardly resist.

- Are incredible hunters and gatherers: farming in the Abyss is almost impossible.

- Abyss Elves have migrated to many other realms, especially the Spring World.

- They name their realm, Aumenel, means “without sky” in quenya.

Onomasticon: 

(for Spring World Abyss Elves)

Gender-reversed modern european and ancient greek names. (Aurorus, Eugenia, Xenis, Anastasius, Agath)

Anagrams from spanish. (Roucos, Roeherr, Cadoraz, Jerichoter, Viona)

(for Abyss inhabitants)

Quenya and latin hybridisation (Hravai, Ilmarinorum, Incatrix, Terrandil, Indos)

Ada’klo

One of the species from the realm of Emiare, which is bound to the very fabric of time. Ada’klo - as all the other races from the klo family - have something called a cycle: a period of time when they exist. Their cycle is ten years long. Thus, they live for ten years, and afterwards disappear only to appear again after the same ten years without aging anyhow. 

Fast facts: 

- Due to their cycle length they gather at the great Adakloan Temples, where their place of disappearance is kept safe.

- Ada’klo look pretty much like humans, but are slightly different on the inside, anatomically and chemically.

Onomasticon:

Use old english and european names. (Alcott, Demelza, Borden, Terrel, Sacrifice)

Ain’klo

One of the species from the Emiare realm, these members of the klo species family have a one thousand years long cycle. 

Fast facts:

- Have an incredible ancient culture which has many customs, like forced marriage (from both sides), child labour, extreme xenophobia.

- Are dangerous and non educated, will fight to death only to keep their traditions.

Onomasticon:

Use ancient babylonian names and their imitations. (Akki, Marnabu, Nazarat, Buvalu, Irigibel)

Aliquenar

A race which somehow combined all of the main features of elves, dwarves, orcs, humans and halflings. Slightly greenish skin, pointed ears, not-so-long beards, big hairy feet, no need in sleep and the ability to see over the horizon. Like jack of all trades, they have a wide set of talents and opportunities, but are masters of none. Hated among all of the species they combined in themselves, they try to live peacefully in their cities, not willing to make any conflict.

Fast facts:

- Due to the discrimination directed at them from the other races, they have a trait of being shy, polite and quiet.

- Are able to learn magic on the same level as humans.

- A legend has it that they came from a city trapped in the mountains, where all the five races met and after a long long time merged into one by breeding.

- Some may have more standing out traits of a specific compound race: as, orc tusks, elven lack of facial hair and eyelids, dwarvish height or beards, strange sexual dimorphism and others.

Onomasticon:

Use the languages and names of the humans, elves, dwarves and hobbits (orcish names are way more rare), and then, if wanted, merge them together, imitate them. (Legoli, Aiwenson, Thurwise, Kurumiel, Indis)

Alfers

Species of semiquadruped lizards with telepathic minds, which are able to evolve fast, adapting to the stressful situations. Tall two and half meters in the withers (8’2 feet) and long nearly five (16’4 feet), they are agile, omnivore and strong.

Fast facts:

- Alfers evolve fastly not only biologically, but linguistically. Their language changes so fast no one will never understand what they are saying, except some separate words, taken from other languages.

- Alfers are able to speak telepathically, but only talk: not reading thought but hearing the inner monologue of someone, thus communicating.

- They have a high regeneration factor, and are hard to kill.

Onomasticon:

Any possible names, words, abbreviations and anagrams. (Villaissa, Gerdan, Menttor, Seba, Lmne)

Anciento

Race of stickman-like, three eyed beings with high power and unreachable wisdom and intelligence. Can reproduce by giving any other living thing something they call “open intellect”, and then teach them how to turn into an anciento. Well, traditional reproducing is possible too.

Fast facts:

- While reproducing they, ironically, do not know how to turn back into their original state.

- Know a wide spectrum of using life energy for different purposes.

- Are able to fall into an anabiosis state for a long time.

- Are almost instinct.

Onomasticon:

Names are mostly two syllables, unisex, and have no meaning, because of their proverb “You mean nothing at birth: give your name a meaning by yourself”. (Koni, Jaro, Neho, Mibta, Vere)

Androids of Binarica

Robots made by the techno-magic goddess-planet Binarica. Are unique from other robots by their design: solid parts are slowly merging into soft ones, and they look humane but have slightly object-like heads.

Fast facts:

- Were being enslaved for many centuries by other races of Binarica.

- All of them by custom have light-blue photosensors (eyes).

- Follow directives, which can be changed by hacking.

- Feel emotions and have souls.

Onomasticons:

Leet, deites on abbreviations, scientifical termins, or even all at once. (M45 T4R, G3x2x2, S5Z2, Tetratom, Cleleven Zero)

Anmanibes/Ri’be’li

Species from a far realm of jungles and plains, anmanibes have some unique features. First of all, they have no arms. At all. Down to the shoulderblades - no arms. But thye have a compensation for this flaw: the ability for telekinesis, and many other paranormal abilities. Anmanibes (which means “armless”) call themselves Ri’be’li - “the second born children of the gods”. They are digitigrade and have a pretty long lizard-like tail they use for balance. 

Fast facts:

- Ri’be’li are one of my favourite races.

- The paranormal abilities they are known to posess are: channeling (speaking with spirits and other paranormal deities), levitation, telekinesis, telepathy, biolocation, materialisation, atmokinesis, aeromancy, pyromancy, thermokinesis, teleportation, television, precognition, and other.

- Have two pairs of eyelids: one for blinking and one for “television”, or also called telescopic vision.

- Have ears which are suspiciously pointed, like those of elves.

- One myth from their culture says that the ri’be’li were born from the us’ib’tor’tor: a firstborn race in their world. The first ri’be’li was called A’ud’ca, and he was born without arms. His parents abandoned him, but A’ud’ca had the power to bend wills of other people, and slowly he made it so other us’ib’tor’tor could give birth to ri’be’li, and then he somehow, after a long time, made the us’ib’tor’tor race vanish into the sands of history, giving place for ri’be’li to rise.

- Most of them are disgusted by arms and hands in general, calling any creature with arms an a’us’cla (limited).

Onomasticon:

Use latin, then take every syllable and put them in reverse order, placing apostrophy between each syllable. Most names are gender neutral. (Pha’al, Ta’del, Ta’be, O’di’gla, Ra’tet)

[hxdrostorms]

》》BOLD all that applies to your muse!

PLEASE REPOST! DON’T REBLOG!

• EYES: blue | green | brown| hazel  | grey | grey-blue | other

• HAIR: blond | sandy | brown | black | auburn | ginger | grey/white | multi-color | other

• BODY TYPE: skinny | slender | slim | built | curvy | athletic | muscular | chubby | overweight

• SKIN: light| medium | dark | freckled | discolored | tanned | olive | ruddy

• GENDER: male | female | trans | cis | agender | demigender | genderfluid | other | doesn’t like labels

• SEXUALITY: heterosexual | homosexual | bisexual | pansexual | asexual | demisexual | other | doesn’t like labels

• ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: homoromantic | heteroromantic | biromantic | panromantic |aromantic | demiromantic | unsure | doesn’t like labels

• SPECIES: human | undead | shapeshifter | demon | angel | witch | ghost | incubus/succubus | werewolf | alien | mutant | vampire

• EDUCATION: high school | GED | college/university | master’s degree | PhD | other (concluded his studies in order to hold his gold saint title, he has advanced studies in world mythologies and religions)

• I’VE BEEN: in love | hurt | ill | mentally abused (as part of his training) | bullied | physically abused | tortured | brainwashed | shot

• POSITIVE TRAITS:affectionate | adventurous | athletic | brave | careful | charming | confident | creative | cunning | determined | forgiving | generous | honest | humorous | intelligent | loyal | modest | patient | selfless | polite | down-to-earth | diligent | romantic | moral | fun-loving | attractive | charismatic | calm

• NEGATIVE TRAITS: aggressive | bossy | cynical | envious |shy | fearful | greedy | gullible | jealous | impatient | impulsive | cocky | reckless | insecure| irresponsible | mistrustful | paranoid | possessive | sarcastic| self-conscious | selfish | swears | unstable | clumsy | rebellious | emotional | vengeful | anxious | self-sabotaging | moody | peevish | angry | pessimistic | slacker | thin-skinned | overly-dramatic | argumentative

• LIVING SITUATION: lives alone | lives with parent(s)/guardian | lives with significant other| lives with a friend | drifter (says he is one whenever he is in the common world as part of his disguise)| homeless | lives with children | other (Technically speaking he isn't exactly living alone, bc not all the other zodiac houses are empty) | depends on verse

• FAMILY (EXTANT/KNOWN): mom | dad | grandmother | grandfather | sibling(s)| foster | adoptive | other | none (he was removed from his family since very early in his life. Virgo Shijima sorta of filled the gap as his guardian to raise him, but his main purpose was to train him and not much else)

• RELATIONSHIP: single (Shaka is a singleship muse) | crushing |dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated | depends on verse

• I HAVE A(N): learning disorder | personality disorder | mental disorder | anxiety disorder | sleep disorder | eating disorder (it is not a full on disorder. But, Shaka goes through long periods where he doesn't consume any source of food, in order to abide by his religious practices) | behavioral disorder | substance related disorder | PTSD | mental disability | physical disability

• THINGS I’VE DONE BEFORE: had alcohol | smoked | stolen | done drugs | self harmed | starved | had sex | had a threesome | had a one night stand | gotten into a fist-fight | gone to the hospital | gone to jail | used a fake ID | played hooky | gone to a rave | killed someone | had someone try to kill them

[fangirlinglikeabus]

every target novelisation....2!

planet of giants by terrance dicks ok so i think that the reason that this is...good, and an unearthly child was...not good, is because this was written 9 years later when like. other, non-terrance dicks people were also novelising stories and he wasn’t just grinding them out on an industrial level. planet of giants isn’t one of the greats of doctor who but this is a competent adaptation - it doesn’t add much but it does flesh out what’s already there, giving us some backstory elements and making the appearance of giant insects and bodies seem a bit more dramatic than they could manage in 1964. unfortunately it also alters my favourite line from the story (‘i don't know how you know, you're supposed to know!’) and the doctor is weirdly hostile at the beginning (he’s looking forward to ditching ian and barbara, he responds to barbara’s observation ‘drily’ like he’s being a bit sarcastic over her, um, *checks notes* noticing important details). also, dicks describes this in the opening as ‘the doctor’s most grotesque and terrifying adventure’ and i’m like...planet of giants? really??

doctor who and the dalek invasion of earth by terrance dicks ok this one legitimately doesn’t change much at all. it cuts down on some things (including the doctor’s end speech being shorter - i’m assuming that’s a space thing), fleshes out on pov bits as you can in prose, gets rid of the smacked bottom line. bizarrely there are a few times that susan calls her grandfather the doctor which...i’m pretty sure wasn’t there originally. aside from all those small details, yeah it’s basically the same, but it’s well adapted for prose (i genuinely think it stands as a novel in its own right), and depending on your reading speed it might actually be a nice, shorter alternative to the television version - it was around 45 minutes less time for me. some general things i wanted to comment on: the resistance is explicitly shown as kinda gender segregated (exclusively women are preparing food when we first see it) which irritated me; the description of parliament as a symbol of ‘human progress and tradition’ reminded me of blood harvest having the lords/commons system as the Ideal Form Of Government, in terms of how terrance dicks thinks (this may only interest me? idk i very probably spend too much time thinking about the political views of this particular dead dr who script editor); there’s a use of holocaust here that’s technically accurate to what the word literally means but it felt weird to me to use it.

the rescue by ian marter oh man i’ve been busy and this took me aages to read. it kinda...diverges increasingly from the original story as it goes on. we’ve got some scenes with the seeker crew (incidentally one of them says ‘ass’ and i was like???hello???you’re allowed to do that in a dr who book from 1987???), and then most of the expanded stuff is in the climax. dr who and bennett have a full on brawl! ian, barbara and vicki visit a destroyed didoi city on their way back to the tardis! mysterious silver figures! a giant worm encounter! incidentally, this does have way more of a downer ending than the original because it’s strongly implied that the last two of the didoi were killed by seeker crewmembers who fired in a panic, after which the report that forms the epilogue ends with “goodwill to all persons” to give us a taste of bitter irony. so that’s kinda grim. um...there’s actually a lot of little changes and minor expansions to this one as well so off the top of my head: we learn more about why vicki left earth (global warming :/), sandy is a lot more threatening-looking than on screen, the crashed ship gets its name changed to astra-nine, ian and barbara hold hands briefly, barbara’s fall really leaves her beaten up. i like the seeker crew comparing the tardis briefly passing them to various non-police box objects from the future (although the link to china is a bit eastern world=alien association for my tastes), dr who telling vicki ‘give that pretty face a wipe’ is clearly him attempting to cheer her up and it’s not meant to be weird but i found it weird. finally, i’ve gotta say i appreciate ian marter’s commitment to ‘mildly unsettling’ in his descriptions of tardis materialisations. this was the last novelisation he wrote before his death (the book’s dedicated to him) and mild criticisms aside, i do think he’s a good writer and he brings an interestingly different angle to the series. 

the romans by donald cotton oh my god. how do i even start this. i’m not even going to try cataloguing all the changes because this isn’t even close to a straight adaptation. it’s told in the form of various documents collected by tacitus - the doctor’s diary, ian’s journal that he keeps to prove to the headmaster at coal hill that he and barbara haven’t just eloped (i’m not joking, this is the textual reason for it), an assassin’s letters home to his mum, nero’s scribblings, and various other little details. vicki and barbara get less attention than on screen because we don’t see much from their perspective (vicki unfortunately doesn’t even get to chase the assassin out, she just screams in this), and the nero assassination plot is exclusively confined to being mentioned in the epilogue. it’s also a lot broader, or at least consistently broader, which means that ian’s side of things is treated a lot more lightly (which i was personally fine with) but also that we still get nero’s predatory behaviour being played for laughs. there’s also a few comments about women early on that i was unhappy with, and use of fat as an insult. generally, though, i thought this was great! there were a lot of things that i don’t have space or time to include here but i really liked. i guess i’d consider this as a companion piece to the tv version rather than a replacement, which some of these do basically serve as. they tell the same basic story, but they’re so different in a lot of ways that i think it’s worth looking at both. i just checked my notes and remembered this so content warning: poppea sabina’s first section references suicide.

doctor who and the zarbi by bill strutton ok so i think the web planet is boring. i don’t know completely why, i don’t think it’s any one thing, it has some interesting ideas, but it is! it’s fucking boring! anyway, we have a bit more casual sexism in the novel, we’re missing that fun convo about aspirin between vicki and barbara, but really i don’t think it adds or changes much - like even the chapters correspond pretty much exactly to the tv cliffhangers. i guess it’s competently written prose-wise, but i genuinely can’t get over my conviction that this story is boring. am i being unfair? maybe! i like some of the early atmosphere, though, and i appreciate a book which refers to ‘the ship tardis’ (lowercase) and ‘doctor who’ throughout the entire thing. oh yeah, and i encourage you all to look up the illustrations for this. i don’t know who that woman is but she’s definitely not vicki.

doctor who and the crusaders by david whitaker ah yes, the infamous ‘susan married david cameron’ novelisation. tbh i don’t like the crusades and this has the same problems - i don’t care about the english, el akir is every orientalist stereotype whitaker could possibly cram into one man, and That’s Not How A Harem Works. do i think it’s the most egregiously racist doctor who story of all time? probably not! it certainly has sympathetic arabic characters too. but i prefer most other historicals, at least. however, if that isn’t you, i’m sure you’ll get something out of this. there aren’t any particularly extreme changes to the plot structure, although it’s missing some later scenes at the english court, but it’s well written and probably if you like the original you’ll enjoy it more than i did. there’s some dated language surrounding black characters, though, i’m not a fan of the whole ‘we aren’t so different’ speech ian has (because it rests on ‘we all believe in a higher power’ which uh. i don’t. guess that means i’m not ‘civilised’. also generally i don’t like the argument that we should respect each other because of what we have in common - you should respect other people whatever!), and the prologue at the beginning where they muse on history and destiny assumes that the english invaders and the arabs are both equally right in their own ways (the doctor outright says this!)

the space museum by glyn jones so, i really like the space museum. mainly for vicki’s revolutionary fervour, but there are other reasons too. however, i don’t think that this really adds enough to be of interest - although we do get some information about the two alien species’ biology, and a bonus explanation of why everyone speaks english (the moroks briefly considered invading earth so programmed some earth languages into their translation system). there’s a bit more wandering around the museum, some minor tweaks and expansions in other areas, an underground tunnel scene where we learn a bit of the planet’s backstory...ian and the doctor are very snippy to each other in this, which i find funny. oh yeah, and there’s a bizarrely meta bit where ian comments on poor dialogue? basically, this is a book i enjoyed, but really it just makes me want to watch the space museum instead of reading it. just a heads up, there’s a character who briefly considers suicide to get out of his bosses being angry with him. 

the chase by john peel ok before i get started i need to establish that the cover for this one slaps. anyway, i don’t respect john peel at all but this was...alright? doesn’t expand much plotwise (although i suspect both the sand monsters at the beginning and the plants at the end have slightly more to do) but we get a fair bit of pov stuff. unfortunately lacking ian’s dad dancing and hi-fi the panda, the marie celeste bit is no longer played for comedy (barbara angsts over it) and even though the two paragraphs dragging morton dill are kinda funny i’m not sure how i feel about him being committed for claiming he saw daleks. ian and barbara’s departure plays out a little differently. steven is blond for some reason. we learn as well that daleks are charged by solar panels (at least they’re pro-green energy??)

the time meddler by nigel robinson pretty competent, straight down the middle novelisation, although that is tempered by inserting some weird sexist bits for steven and also lowkey being nostalgic for 11th century england at a few points? it’s also a bit more violent than we see on tv, and if anything the rape is more loudly implied, so heads up. other than that, there are a few minor embellishments (we’re explicitly told the dr and monk recognise each other, vicki tells steven that the tardis is important to her because it’s her home, a few differences between the monk’s tardis and the doctor’s are described, vicki views steven following her as a triumphant victory in their power struggle which i personally find funny), and there’s a prologue (recapping steven’s arrival in the tardis) and an epilogue (which delays the monk’s discovery of the broken tardis because he walks to hastings first to try and get involved there). i had fun, but it’s not a must read.