#like more disappointed than ive ever been over any show

[lexysstorm]

after bingeing wednesday i learn warrior nun is cancelled. i will actually never recover from this im

[wheeboo]

to love and be loved | jeon wonwoo

SYNOPSIS. in which wonwoo tells you about his first (and only) love. PAIRING. jeon wonwoo x gn!reader GENRE. fluff, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers WARNINGS. self-doubt talk on reader's end, self-indulgent wooweee, this was painfully hard to write lmao n have no idea if any of this makes sense WORD COUNT. 1.6k

requested from anon: Hiiiiiiii first of all congratssss for you 2k. For the event, ive been thinking the same exact story with wonwoo and #6 from list 3 - #6: “You’re not hard to love, nor are you unlovable. You just… Need to let me in, and let me show you you’re just as worthy of love as anyone else is.”

notes: i'd quite literally do anything to have these kinds of talks with wonwoo ☹️☹️. anyway i hope u all enjoy this <3 hits close to home >< tysm anon hehe <3

join the 2k celebration!

"Hey, uh, Wonwoo?"

"Mhm?"

"...have you ever been in love?"

A cricket chirps into the evening air right after you ask, and you suddenly feeling like you're holding in a long-winded breath. Then you hear a loud crunch by Wonwoo from the crackers he was snacking on, and you blink up to him wiping away the corner of his mouth. There's the slightest glimpse of a curve to his lips that you manage to catch.

He silently offers you a cracker in your direction, the anticipating silence between the two of you growing thickly. You take the cracker from his hand, muttering a quiet thanks, before nibbling on it absentmindedly.

The night is absolutely beautiful right now, swearing that you could spot and make out the constellations above if you squinted hard enough. The distant chirping of crickets is the only sound that breaks the silence as the coolness of the night rolls in, carrying with it slight breeze that whispers through the leaves overhead the balcony of your apartment.

"I have."

You swiftly turn your head to him, eyes widening intriguingly. "You have?"

The chuckle that leaves him is somewhat awkward, a tad bit hesitant. He crumples up the bag of crackers and sets it aside, chugging down the last sips of his drink and setting down the empty can as well.

"Did you... ever confess to them?" You ask, suddenly feeling curious, though there's a bit of disappointment at the tip of your tongue.

You swear you could see the thoughts swirling around his head. Wonwoo keeps his eyes fixed up to the night sky. There's a distant look in his eyes, as though he's peering into some past moment that only he can see, before he shakes his head, a faint smile crossing over his lips.

"No, I didn't," he answers calmly. "They were too far away, so... I just chose to admire them at a distance."

You lean back against the wall behind, your shoulder momentarily brushing against his. "Did they know you?"

Wonwoo purses his lips together. "Mhm."

"Well, you missed your chance!" You exclaim, prodding him playfully with your elbow. "I can't believe you let them get away, dude. Like right through the little cracks of your fingers. You could've been in a relationship by now."

This earns you a low, playful scoff from Wonwoo. "Are you assuming that they loved me back?"

Immediately, you feel the heat crawl up your neck and to the tips your ears.

"Well, um... Yeah, I am," You admit sheepishly, letting out a small sigh. "I mean, who wouldn't fall for a guy like you? You're nice and... charming. I think anyone would be lucky to be loved by you."

There's a silence that falls between the two of you, one simply more than just comfortable yet denser than ever, because the thought of being loved by Wonwoo seems to linger longer than you notice. You steal a glance at him, seeing his face still turned upwards towards the night sky and the moonlight reflecting on his glasses. Strands of his dark hair blow across his forehead in the breeze. You can't quite decipher his expression, but a flicker of something𑁋perhaps surprise, maybe even amusement𑁋dances on his features for a brief moment.

He finally turns back to you, a small, hesitant smile playing on his lips. "You think so?"

"Yeah," You confirm, nodding lightly. "Absolutely."

Wonwoo still keeps his eyes on you as you glance away, seeing the way you fidget with your hands in your lap and smoothing out the creases in your pants nervously. He glances down at his own hand and back at yours, lips pursing together in contemplation, but only folds his fingers back together the second you reach over him to grab the crumpled-up bag of crackers. He feels a little bit too warm in his sweater right now.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

A crunch echoes through the air. Then another. And another.

"I've just been kinda... thinking a lot lately, I guess," You reply slowly, quietly. "And it sort of makes me sound desperate in a way, but there are times I just wonder if, um... if anyone has ever felt the same way about me."

Wonwoo tilts his head slightly. "Love?"

"Not just love, but... seeing me, you know?" Being able to talk about this out loud makes your chest feel heavy. "Since it's hard these days to find someone who sees you for who you are, not for who you can be. I... I just feel like I'm hard to love sometimes. Hell, maybe even unlovable. It’s hard to break out of that mindset when things get hard again.”

A thoughtful quietness seeps through the nighttime breeze, which sends goosebumps up and down your skin, but you don't mind it because you know that Wonwoo is listening either way. And the more you think about it𑁋the thought of knowing that he's here, with his presence is right next to you𑁋it seems to comfort you more than you notice.

There's a small hum of acknowledgement that you hear from his end, unsure if it's just your imagination or if he's actually responding as your mind feels a little jumbled up right now. But then Wonwoo shifts beside you, his arm lightly pressing against yours.

"But I... I think I've reached a point in time where I can say I love myself a little more than a few years ago, or last year, or even just yesterday," You continue to ramble a bit aimlessly, chuckling dryly to yourself. "It’d be nice to share that with someone too, you know? To finally get over this loneliness. But it's not entirely a sad loneliness or a happy one. It's, like, uh... both put together, I guess."

A few moments of silence pass. You feel Wonwoo gently nudge your leg with his.

"I'm proud of you."

You peer up to look at him, mind nearly going blank from the way he's gazing at you. Or maybe it's just the moonlight that's making him appear so... picturesque. "What for?"

"For loving yourself, silly," Wonwoo muses almost cheekily, and the delighted tone that you catch makes your stomach leap. "Even if it's just by a small percentage than yesterday, it's still okay. You're doing good. I want you to know that."

You're doing good. It's just those three singular words that has heat forming in your eyes that you somehow manage to blink back before anything could spill, and hearing it come from Wonwoo feels different. There's a vulnerable sweetness to them, a sincerity that catches you off-guard. You force a smile𑁋a grateful one, nonetheless𑁋before it shifts into a frown.

And Wonwoo catches it right away. "What's wrong?"

Your lips form a thin line, pressing together in thought. You refuse to acknowledge why you think your heart feels slightly... jealous.

"I hope whoever you loved before knows how lucky they are one day," You say to him. "if you're still in love with them, that is..."

Wonwoo stills for a minute, pensively. "I am."

"You are?"

"I never stopped."

You stare at him for a few moments, an eyebrow lifted in disbelief at him, before crossing your arms together and letting out a small, incredulous laugh. "Then you should've said that you're in love with them, idiot."

Wonwoo sucks in a breath.

"I'm in love with you."

You blink instinctively, once, twice, three times, momentarily thinking that Wonwoo's presence might somehow disappear into thin air. But he's still there𑁋a certain softness in the way he's looking at you, a gentleness that seems to wrap around you like a warm embrace𑁋waiting for you. His words suspend heavily in the air, and maybe the world is also holding its breath just as you are too.

"And... You're not hard to love, nor are you unlovable. You're far from that," Wonwoo continues, voice tender, fond, and soft as a lullaby. "You just... need to let me in, and let me show you you're just as worthy of love as anyone else is."

You could only sit merely frozen at this point, throat tightened and jaw dropped in shock among many other weird, fuzzy feelings happening throughout your body. Something between relief and disbelief. Hope and hesitancy. Comfort and uncertainty. You have the capacity to run yet you choose not to𑁋you're letting him in, letting the warmth of his words seep into the cracks of your doubt.

Your mind reels dizzily, almost like the world has been tilting away off-balance.

"You... You're in love with me?" You repeat, almost dumbly, because you cannot seem to fathom anything that's been said in the past few moments. "All that talk about earlier... about who you..."

Wonwoo hangs his head down low, rubbing at his neck in a bashful manner. "It was about you."

"And you never... you never told me?"

"Honestly, I'd like to think a part of it was you being a tad bit oblivious." And then he just simply grins, his nose crinkling along with it. "But that's okay. Watching you slowly figure yourself out made me realise that maybe I needed to find myself a little more too."

You open your mouth to say something, but nothing comes out, and you could feel the heat of embarrassment spreading painfully throughout your face. At first, you have the urge to brush it all away as a silly misunderstanding. Maybe laugh it off, retreat back inside, and go to sleep pretending all of this didn't happen. But the sincerity in his eyes stops you.

You lick your dry lips, the cool night air beginning to feel a lot less suffocating.

"Did you?" You ask vaguely, before shaking your head repeating, "Did you... find yourself?"

Wonwoo lets his eyes roam over you, taking you in, before leaning back on the wall and bringing his gaze back up toward the night sky. Your eyes refuse to leave him, and perhaps this is what it's like to admire someone from afar and close up all at once.

The two of you take a deep, deliberate exhale together.

"Yeah," he answers, smiling softly. "I think I found myself right where I want to be."

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[angelicyoongie]

Abundance (XIX)

— summary: You never expected that you would end up adopting a hybrid, and if someone had told you that you would end up with seven? Well, you would have thought they were crazy. But here you are, with three different packs of hybrids that don't get along – but all want to stay with you. Yeah, it turns out crazy is an understatement.

— pairing: hybrid bts x human f!reader — genre: fluff, angst, smut — warnings/content: explicit sexual content! handjob (lol), mild sub!tae vibes — word count: 8.3k Part: I / II / III / IV / V / VI / VII / VIII / IX / X / XI / Find more chapters here!

Early access to chapter 20 and 21 can be found in the author’s note at the end!

You squirm, grumbling in your sleep, as a hot puff of air hits your throat. Twisting your head to the side does little to deter the ticklish sensation, something soft brushing along the slope of your neck.

The comfortable weight resting over your hips won’t allow you to flip over on your side to escape, but you’re too warm and cosy to bother opening your eyes to find out who’s keeping you trapped.

You’re being scented gently, almost timidly, and it slowly begins to lull you back to sleep.

The tender motion of someone nosing at your throat and nuzzling against your skin in the morning has become familiar to you by now, as it’s a certain bunny hybrid’s favourite way of waking you up.

The weight on your middle shifts, and you reach blindly for long soft ears as you mutter out a slurred, "-Jeongguk?" 

You get a short, petulant whine in response, a set of sharp canines nipping at your throat. 

"I’m not a bunny." 

The bite isn’t hard enough to break skin but it startles you all the same, any chance of falling back asleep washed away as you blearily open your eyes. You blink once, twice, as the halo of deep orange blocking your vision begins to shift into focus.

Taehyung’s messy hair is falling into his face from where he’s perched over your hips, his hands resting besides your shoulders, caging you in. He peers down at you with dark, unreadable eyes, fox ears flattened to his head. 

"Tae?" You murmur, drowsy and confused.

You stifle a yawn behind your hand, tiredly rubbing your eyes. It feels like you’ve awoken from a long coma, your body heavy with exhaustion.

The last week has been intense to say the least, all the work you missed by helping Seokjin and Jeongguk with their ruts practically being shoved down your throat the moment you stepped back inside your office. 

You’ve been pulling sixteen hour days for a week to catch up, only coming home to sleep and wash up before hurrying back to the firm. It’s been miserable and you’ve missed the boys terribly, but the hard work has thankfully paid off. All of your less important cases have been dealt with and now you have the entire weekend off to spend time with them. 

Taehyung's face twists at the sound of his name. His voice is meek, little more than a whimper, as he asks, "Are you disappointed that it’s me? If you’d rather have Jeongguk here, I can go get him."

The look Taehyung gives you makes your heart ache something fierce, the little distance between the two of you suddenly feeling much too far. 

"What? No, Taehyung, of course not!" You scramble to push yourself up on your elbows, shocked that he would ever think so.

You reach up to gently cup his face in your hand, smoothing your thumb across his cheek as you try to catch his gaze. Taehyung leans into your touch, a sad pout pulling on his lips as he noses against your wrist, breathing in your scent.

His eyes flicker up to meet yours before he looks away, his shoulders hunching with hesitation as he quietly asks, "Show me?"

It hits you then, just how inattentive you’ve been to the other boys after Seokjin and Jeongguk’s rut passed. You were intimate with one pack and then practically disappeared for a week. It’s no wonder Taehyung feels insecure, you haven’t been able to reassure him or his instincts that you want him just as much as the rest.

The realization feels like a punch to the gut.

You should’ve seeked him out sooner to make sure he was okay, to make sure he felt wanted, especially when the incident with Jeongguk and the weasel hybrids is still such a fresh wound.

"Oh, Tae," You let out a quiet breath, covering the guilt simmering under your skin with a tender smile. "I’ll show you as many times as you need me to."

You slowly guide his face towards your own, your fingers following the curve of his jaw until you have your thumb pressed against the mole on his lower lip.

Taehyung's ears do a curious twitch as you gently pull on the flesh, parting his mouth to make room for your own. His breath hitches as you lean in, a sweet little eager sound leaving his lips as you press a chaste peck against them. 

Taehyung’s eyes flutter closed as you kiss him again, his cheeks flushing pink as you murmur a soft handsome into his skin. The fox hybrid’s tail swishes happily back and forth behind his back as you pepper light kisses everywhere you can reach, from his jaw to the tip of his nose.

Taehyung chases after your mouth when you draw back, capturing it in another kiss. He immediately tries to deepen it, tongue brushing against your lips in hopes that you’ll let him in. You willingly part them, licking into his mouth as the fox hybrid melts against your body, his stomach vibrating with low content purrs. 

You curl one hand around Taehyung’s neck, cupping the back of his head as the other settles on his shoulder, pulling him closer.

Taehyung lets out a soft moan as you kiss him with a little more intent, more passion, too distracted by your lips to notice how your eyes flutter open. He doesn’t seem to mind that you awkwardly throw a leg over his back, the duvet impeding your full range of motion.

The wet smack of your lips disconnecting as you pull back makes the simmering heat in your belly flare up. Taehyung’s eyebrows furrow as he loses your touch, his rosy lips puckering subconsciously as he blindly seeks you out.

You can hear the telltale signs of a whine building in his throat but before he can get too upset, you tighten your hold around his body, using the leg you have over his hip as leverage to flip him over.

Taehyung stares up at you with big eyes as he finds himself pressed against the bed. His orange hair is splayed around him on your pillow, looking messy and wild after your wandering hands.

The pure surprise on his face makes you giggle.

You peck his cheek, pulling back just in time as your hands settle on his waist, fingertips lightly tickling his sides. Taehyung jerks forward, a burst of laughter leaving his mouth as his brain catches up with what your unrelenting hands are doing.

"Y/n, ah–!" He wheezes, squirming on the bed as he tries to escape from the light touches fluttering all over his torso. A mischievous grin settles on your mouth as you realize the leg around Taehyung’s waist is keeping him trapped, the fox hybrid having no other option but to endure your tickling.

Taehyung’s bright laughter fills your bedroom, the infectious sound making you join in as you watch him attempt to shimmy away from your wiggling fingers.

He squeaks as you find a particularly sensitive spot on his stomach, his tail whipping wildly against the bed. The array of snorts and cackles that Taehyung lets out is like music to your ears, the insecure and vulnerable look in his eye nowhere to be found as they scrunch up with laughter. 

There’s a new glow to the fox hybrid’s golden skin when he manages to capture one of your hands, trapping it against his chest. He flashes you a bright grin as you futilely try to yank it back, using the moment to catch his breath after your intense onslaught.

You pout, zeroing in on his exposed neck. As you shift your weight, ready to lean forward in hopes that tickling his neck will free your trapped fingers – Taehyung seems to read your mind. Something wild flickers in his gaze before he surges up, the sudden burst of energy throwing you off balance. In a flash, you find yourself back where you started, Taehyung once again hovering over you. 

Your attempts to wrestle him back down are useless, his limbs rooted in place even as you try with all of your might to flip him back over. Your struggling does little but get rid of the duvet, the thick blanket kicked aside as you squirm and huff under Taehyung’s body. His bare legs are flush against yours, warm, as the heat from his skin seeps into yours. 

"Tae," You whine, finally flopping down with an exhausted sigh as you realize you have no chance of overpowering him. 

"What?" Taehyung tilts his head, blinking down at you with faux innocence. His ears are standing straight with attention, twitching with every little sound you release. 

You give him an unimpressed look, eyeing how his tail lazily swishes behind his back in victory. 

Taehyung snickers, his expression melting into something a bit more smug – pleased, as he takes in your ruffled appearance. "You’re the one that wanted to play. It’s not my fault you’re a sore loser." 

You roll your eyes, suppressing the smile tugging at your lips.

"Well … You’re too strong! Frankly, it’s a little–" You raise your hips up in an attempt to flip him again, your brain stuttering as the movement causes you to bump against something hard, "–unfair?"  

Taehyung lets out a soft moan at the contact, eyelashes fluttering as he ducks his head. 

"Are you…?" You trail off. Your cheeks grow warm at Taehyung’s weak nod. 

"It’s my instincts," He admits in a low whine, arms flexing as he digs his fingers into the mattress. "I can’t help it. You were acting like prey, uh, squirming around like that. " 

You hum under your breath, taking a moment to collect your thoughts as you rub your hands up Taehyung’s arms, feeling his muscles strain under your touch.

You have to admit that Taehyung getting turned on by your little wrestling match is, well, hot. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with him being affected by his instincts but the fox hybrid seems to think otherwise, his ears pulled back in shame. 

You simply refuse to allow him to think so lowly of himself.

"Can I touch you?" You ask. You slowly drag your hands up from Taehyung's arms to his chest, resting your palm above the harsh thud of his heart.

"Do you really want to?" Taehyung’s dark eyes shine with uncertainty as they meet yours. 

"Yes."

You keep your gaze locked on his, making sure your intent is clear as you raise your hips just enough to brush against his hard cock.

Taehyung’s arms wobble at the contact. A low keen leaves his mouth as his hips jerk automatically, chasing your body for more friction. 

Your circle one arm around his back, pushing between his shoulder blades to bring him closer. Taehyung scrambles to comply, making room for himself between your legs as you pull him into another kiss. He moans as your hand trails from his chest to his stomach, the light scrape of your nails making him shiver. 

The short second you pause as you reach the waistband of Taehyung’s shorts has him breaking away from the kiss, panting against your mouth as he whines out a desperate please. 

You steal a peek at his face, just to make sure he’s still okay as your hand slides under the elastic and the sight that greets you almost knocks the breath out of your chest.

Taehyung looks wrecked. His skin is flushed, burning hot, eyes glossy with want as he rasps out another plea for you to do more. 

His mouth falls open as you lightly rub the head of his leaking cock, hips buckling as you reach down to grasp him properly. The cramped angle is a little awkward but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind it, whines and moans filling the air between you as you pump his length.

The slide of your hand is loud, lewd, in the otherwise quiet room. You thumb at his leaking tip with every upstroke, collecting the steady dribbles of precome in your hand to make the glide easier.

Taehyung moves against your fist, whimpering, as your slick palm forms a hot and wet hole for him to thrust into. 

"S-so good, fuck," Taehyung growls as you tighten your hand, squeezing around his throbbing cock. He dives down to recapture your mouth, the kiss sloppy and hungry as he nibbles at your lips. 

You’re hot and flustered, dizzy almost, from having Taehyung so close. You can’t see his cock but you can feel it – how sensitive it is, how well it responds to every little thing you do. You swallow thickly at the steady stream of whimpers leaving Taehyung’s mouth, the fox hybrid following your lead so well it drives you a little crazy.  

When you stroke faster, Taehyung snaps his hips quicker. When you tighten your hold to massage the base of his cock, he slows down, whimpering but complying. He’s just so eager to please.

It makes your mind stray places it shouldn’t, heat pooling in your belly as you wonder just how obedient he can be for you. Lost in thought, your grip grows a little slack, and the steady pressure around Taehyung’s frantic thrusts disappears with it. 

The fox hybrid’s body stutters, a distressed chirp leaving his lips as he mouths over your cheek.

"Y-n, please, please–" 

"Sorry, Tae, I got you," You whisper.

You slide the hand on his shoulder to the nape of his neck, burying your fingers into the soft orange locks there. You tug lightly at his hair, increasing the speed and pressure around his cock.

Taehyung’s stomach tenses with every brush of your knuckles against his skin, his release so so close. 

Taehyung nudges your head back, biting into the delicate skin on your throat with more force than normal. He soothes it immediately with his tongue, the wet drag leaving a delicious sting behind. 

"You’re doing so well for me, Tae," You breathe, choking on a moan as he repeats the action with even more fervour. You can see his tail swishing madly behind his back, high keens filling the back of his throat with every stroke of your slicked fist.

Taehyung is trembling, his whole body taut as he strains to keep up with your hand.

You suck your bottom lip between your teeth, confused, as another flurry of choked pleads suddenly falls from his mouth. There’s nothing stopping him from coming, and yet he’s holding back – waiting – for something. 

Taking a leap of faith, you use the grip on his hair to angle his head up, bringing his ear close to your mouth. You press a sweet kiss to his earlobe, tightening your fist around his cock before you murmur out a quiet, "Good boy." 

Taehyung’s head snaps back with a gravelly, desperate moan as his body tips over the edge. His hips stutter as he grinds into your palm, shuddering as ropes of come spill from his cock. 

You relax your grip, gently stroking him through his release as another spurt drips past your fist, pooling on your stomach. The sensation makes your core throb.

You tamp down the urge to grind against the leg Taehyung has pressed against you, forcing your gaze to wander from his blissed out expression to the dull colour of your wall instead. This was about making Taehyung feel good, wanted – your own needs can wait. 

Taehyung’s head lolls back down as you release his cock, lightly trailing your fingertips along his shaft one last time before you let your hand fall away. His breaths are heavy, chest heaving as he tries to recover from his intense orgasm. 

You tuck Taehyung's face back into your neck, smoothing your fingers through his hair and scratching at the base of his ears as you wait for his breathing to slow down. He nuzzles into your skin, happy rumbles trickling from his chest as he noses against the marks he left there. 

"How do you feel?" You hum. 

"‘m feeling good," Taehyung mumbles against your throat, his bushy tail giving a few lazy flicks against your leg. 

Your smile quickly morphs into a grimace as you shift a little to your side, noticing how the wetness on your stomach has started to cool. You gently nudge at Taehyung’s waist, pressing a peck to the side of his head as you say, "Let me clean us up a little." 

Taehyung lets out a small whine in protest, but another nudge has him tipping sideways, rolling on to his side. You reach out for the tissues on your bedside table while Taehyung curls an arm over your chest, pulling himself flush against your body. 

Making quick work of the sticky substance on your skin, you turn to Taehyung, gently cleaning him up as best you can while he happily scents your shoulder. 

You bunch the tissues up, throwing them in what you hope was the thud of your trash bin.

Turning back to the fox hybrid plastered against your side, you bring a hand up to frame his face, kissing him softly. Taehyung melts pliantly into it, letting you keep the rhythm unhurried and tender as you both wind down. 

A few minutes pass of Taehyung being putty under your lips before he suddenly jerks back, eyes big as his ear twitches in the direction of your door. 

He listens to the footsteps coming up the stairs, a sheepish smile blooming on his red-bitten lips as he confesses, "I was supposed to come and wake you up for breakfast." 

You snort, shaking your head as Taehyung grabs your hands to haul you up. 

"You can blame it on me," You grin, smoothing out Taehyung’s sleepwear to the best of your abilities. You both really need to get cleaned up and changed before you see the rest of the boys for breakfast. 

Taehyung leans closer, his dark eyes sparkling with sincerity as he murmurs, "Thank you, Y/n." 

"Always," You smile.

Taehyung surges forward to plant a wet smack against your cheek, giggling at the startled sound you make as he scoots off the bed. He hurries to the door, throwing a bright grin your way and a rushed "hurry downstairs!" before the door clicks shut behind him. 

You throw a fond look at the closed door as you get out of bed, happy that you accomplished your goal. You know it'll take more to make sure Taehyung feels confident in your relationship, but you hope it’s a start on the path to make him feel secure and loved. 

Letting out a small sigh, you grab a change of clothes from your dresser. You have a lot to make up for, with both him and the rest of the guys.

You shuffle across the room, twisting the door open as you bend your neck, satisfying little pops cracking in your ears as you try to loosen up the tightness there. Your head is nearly touching your shoulder when you find yourself face to face with Yoongi, the cat hybrid tilting his own accordingly until he meets your eyes.

"What are you doing?" Yoongi raises his eyebrows, amused. 

You straighten your neck, rolling your shoulder back as you ignore the heat creeping up your cheeks.

"Stretching," You pout. 

"Why? Are you tense?" Yoongi steps closer, curling a slender hand behind your neck. He frowns as he gently digs his fingertips into your muscles, eyeing your expression as he skillfully massages the sore area.

You feel your eyes flutter as he reaches a particularly sore spot.

Maybe you strained your neck a little too much with Taehyung, but how could you not devour those pretty pink lips when they were right in front of you? 

"Ah," Yoongi muses, tilting your head, "I guess this is why." 

You suck in a breath as he presses his thumb against one of the fresh marks on your throat.

Yoongi lets out a displeased rumble as he studies the faint bruising blooming on your skin, tail flicking with annoyance behind his back. The grip around your neck tightens just a smidge, just enough to lock you in place as he leans in.

Yoongi regards you with narrowed eyes, pupils pulled into thin slits as he takes in your dishevelled appearance. It almost makes you feel like a scruffed kitten, like he caught you doing something naughty.

"I wanted to see what was taking the fox so long, but–" Yoongi’s nostrils flare as he sniffs around your neck, a low hiss sounding under his breath as he moves lower, a particularly potent smell lingering near your stomach.

"Mystery solved, I suppose." 

Yoongi’s lip curls as he draws back, ears falling flat against his head. He looks miffed at the discovery of what you and Taehyung were up to, but you can tell that’s not all there is to it. There’s a layer of hurt there too, a hint of sadness in the heavy breath he lets out. 

You twist a hand into the soft knit Yoongi’s wearing, tugging at it.

Yoongi’s tail swishes at the contact, his mouth forming a soft pout. The fingers on the back of your neck twitch, like he isn’t sure he should keep holding on to you or not.

"Talk to me?" You ask softly, dragging him a step closer.

Yoongi grumbles something under his breath, his posture slumping as he instinctively leans towards your warmth. 

"What?" You whisper.

Yoongi looks away, words a little jumbled as he mumbles, "I missed you." 

"Yoongi..." You breathe, reaching out to cradle his face.

You really didn’t expect to have your heart crushed twice in one morning.

You pull him into a gentle kiss, smiling against Yoongi’s lips as he holds you still, the steady grip on your neck not letting you move an inch. It’s slow and sweet, the way he parts your lips, slotting them perfectly against his own. 

You let your hand explore the strong curve of his jaw, the softness of his pale cheeks, everything you didn’t have time to map out the first time you kissed.

When you eventually have to lean back to breathe, you ghost your lips over Yoongi’s, hoping he can feel the sincerity in your words as you say, "I missed you too, I really did."

"I’m sorry I haven’t been around much this week. Work has been rough, but I shouldn’t have let that come in the way of us spending time together. I can’t promise I’ll be perfect right away, but I am going to try my best to balance everything a little better." 

"Y/n," Yoongi shakes his head with a small sigh, "You’re doing good." 

He presses a quick peck to your lips, levelling you with a look as your mouth purses in silent protest. 

"You’re working hard to house and feed us, and yeah, sure, it sucks that you can’t be at home as much as we’d like, but we understand. No one else has ever put as much effort as you are into making sure we’re happy and comfortable, so don’t worry too much about us, okay? Just, focus on yourself first. That’s all we ask." 

You melt into Yoongi’s embrace as he wraps his arms around you, muttering out a wobbly okay.

He holds you securely against his chest, tucking his nose into your hair to breathe in your calming scent. Yoongi never thought he would experience a scent that soothes him as much as Jimin’s, that smells like home – but yours do. The thought alone is enough to calm down the jittery edge that’s been clinging to his instincts for the past week, low purrs rumbling in his chest.

You rub your face into Yoongi’s sweater, discreetly trying to wipe away the tears prickling in your eyes. You will do better, you’re going to stand by your promise – but still, it’s comforting to hear that they don’t hate you for spending so much time away from home recently.

"You feeling okay?" Yoongi slowly releases his hold, stepping back to look you in the eye. 

"I’m fine," You murmur, clearing your throat of the thickness lingering there.

Yoongi hums, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. 

"Go get ready then, I’m sure the others are dying to see you." 

"Y/n, where should I put this?"

You glance up, squinting against the sun to make out Namjoon’s outline through the rays of light.

"Anywhere will do, Joon. Thanks for grabbing it for me," You nod in the direction of the other garden tools, brushing the dirt off your hands as you flash him a grateful smile. 

"My pleasure," Namjoon grins, tail swinging happily behind his back. 

You watch as he turns, blocking the light momentarily as he hefts the bag of soil more securely over his shoulder, biceps straining under the black t-shirt he’s wearing. Judging by how buff Namjoon looks, it seems that the workouts they’ve been trying to rope you into doing with them have been paying off, the sight of a particularly prominent vein in his arm causing your mouth to run dry. 

You swallow thickly as the wolf hybrid places the bag on the ground with a soft grunt, the flowers in front of you long forgotten.

"Be careful, Y/n-ie, otherwise you’ll catch flies." 

Blinking, you quickly avert your gaze from Namjoon’s bulging muscles, whipping around to stare at Hoseok. 

"W-what?" 

The dog hybrid gives you a knowing look from where he’s kneeling on the ground next to you. There’s a teasing smirk adorning his lips, his golden tail wagging with newfound interest.

"Shut up," You murmur, nudging his shoulder with your own. You fumble for the handheld shovel on the ground as Namjoon walks over, flustered that Hoseok caught you ogling his pack alpha. 

The wolf hybrid plops down on your other side, ears perked as Hoseok lets out a low snort.

"What’s up?" 

You pointedly do not look at the sculpted, tanned arm that reaches out for the hand rake in front of you, throwing Hoseok a narrowed gaze as he cheerfully says, "Nothing much. Y/n was just really enjoying the view." 

Namjoon makes a confused sound, the empty flower bed you’re sitting in front of not offering much besides the large bay windows looking into the living room. He tilts his head back, watching the sparse fluffy clouds drift by, the sun on his back wrapping around him like a warm hug.

"The sky does look pretty today," Namjoon agrees, oblivious to the death glare you’re giving his packmate.

"Sure does!" Hoseok chirps. 

His tail hits the grass with quick thuds, clearly enjoying the flustered state he’s put you in. Hoseok’s eyes sparkle with mischief as he continues, "Y/n, I’m sure Joonie would love to hear what–" 

"Wow, look at these pretty flowers!" You interrupt him, face growing warm under the smug smile you get in return. You busy yourself with dragging the cluster of nursery plants closer, avoiding Hoseok’s gaze as you push the small shovel to his chest.

"We should get them settled into their new home while the sun is still out, don’t you think?" 

The reminder seems to snap Namjoon out of his cloud watching, the wolf hybrid letting out a startled, "Oh, right!" as he turns back to the plants. He’s too busy trying to figure out how to use the garden rake to notice the fond looks you and Hoseok send his way.

You bite your lip, stifling a giggle, as you wonder how you ever could’ve thought of Namjoon as intimidating. It’s hard to picture the calculating gaze and imposing presence you felt at the shelter when the hybrid in front of you is just so – cute.

Namjoon is hunched over the bed, making himself small in front of the delicate flowers as he attempts to crumble the soil for them. A wrinkle appears between his brows as the tool only grazes over the surface, his grey ears twisting back in confusion when it doesn’t work.

Gently, you reach out to take Namjoon’s hand in yours, turning the rake over in his grip. The wolf hybrid perks up when he once again tries to drag it over the hard soil, the tines actually digging into the ground this time. Namjoon’s tail begins to wag as he rakes the soil, a soft look of wonder on his face as old, buried roots come to the surface. 

You know the boys haven’t had it easy in the past, but you really hope that the new experiences they make with you can lessen that hurt over time. You really haven’t met anyone – human or hybrid – who are as good as they are, and you’ll be damned if you don’t try your best to make them happy. And if gardening can do that for Namjoon, then you’re willing to convert your bedroom into a greenhouse if that’s what it takes. 

Your heart skips a beat as you take in the pure joy shining on Namjoon’s face as he fluffs up the soil, his fingertips stained with dirt. You can’t help but lean in, chest tight with love as you plant a kiss on his cheek. 

"Thank you for helping me," You smile, heart fluttering as he sends you a bright grin in return, dimples on full display. 

"Of course," Namjoon preens, chest puffing out as he digs into the soil with even more energy than before. 

A low whine has you glancing to your left, Hoseok giving you his best pout as he tilts his head, angling his cheek in your direction.

The intense scenting and kissing session you received before breakfast honestly left you in a bit of a drunken daze, your mind scrambled after trying to keep up with five needy hybrids. You know that’s why Hoseok refused to let up on his teasing before, it isn’t often he can do so without you returning the favour, but that doesn’t mean you’ll let him get away with it now that the spring air has started to clear your head. 

You send him a puzzled look, feigning ignorance as you mouth a confused 'what?'

Hoseok stares at you, dumbfounded by the sudden turn of events, as you turn back to the flowerbed with a small shrug.

You have to tamper down a smug smile of your own when Hoseok seems to catch up to what you’re doing, whiney grumbles being muttered under his breath as he realizes you’re ignoring him in retaliation for earlier. You’re not cruel, it’s not like you can deny them kisses for very long, you’re just, hm, saving it, as reward for when he finishes digging up his part of the bed.

You watch him begin to shovel out of the corner of your eye, tuning out his weak complaints as you focus on your own patch. Namjoon’s excitement is infectious and you honestly can’t wait to see how the garden is going to look once you’re done with it. The old owners didn’t care for it much, letting most of the plants rot and wilt away, but you don’t mind that too much. The new garden is going to be something you’ve created together with the boys, and it’s going to be so much more satisfying seeing the space blossom and thrive the more love you collectively pour into it. 

"This is such a mess," Hoseok sighs. He eyes the flowerbed distastefully as he flips over another spot of old dirt. 

"Hmm," You lean back, tapping your shovel against the soil as you pretend to think, "I wonder what made it so messy? Surely it couldn’t have been because of two grown hybrids stomping around in it, trying to spy–" 

"Tae!" Namjoon suddenly calls out, neck splotched pink with embarrassment. 

A few slow seconds pass with no reply, Taehyung nowhere to be seen. Just as you’re about to nudge Namjoon to tease him for trying to divert your attention, you hear the sound of pattering feet rushing over the grass, a series of high pitched barks calling out from the other side of the garden.

You watch, stunned, as a copper fox runs straight into Namjoon’s arms, squirming around in his lap until the wolf hybrid gently hugs it to his chest. It yips as if asking him to play, giving his jaw a few quick licks while it rubs his snout all over Namjoon’s neck.

"Not right now," The wolf hybrid shakes his head, amused, as he lovingly pets the thick, orange fur. 

The fox – Taehyung, your mind unhelpfully supplies a little late – gives a low snort, clearly unhappy that his alpha won’t indulge him right away.

His fox form is just as pretty as you remember. Taehyung has a long rich orange fur that fades into white near his stomach, his bushy tail sprinkled with black hairs that make the copper look even more vibrant. His pointed ears and small legs are dipped in black, his body agile and nimble as he somehow manages to slip out of Namjoon’s strong hold like it’s nothing. 

You hold your breath Taehyung as immediately scurries over to you, tail swishing as he flops down on the available patch of grass between your knees and the flower bed. He rolls to his back, looking more like a dog than a fox as he gives you a little wiggle, waiting to be pet. 

"Like this?" You ask, carefully burying your hand in the soft fur on his belly. Taehyung seems pleased as you begin to run your fingers through the silky hairs, low purrs vibrating in his stomach as you marvel at his pretty fur. 

"Look at our handsome boy," Hoseok coos. He reaches out to rub the narrow space between Taehyung’s fox ears, laughing as one of his hind-legs twitches in response. 

Taehyung looks blissed out from the attention, panting happily as you rub his stomach. You haven’t seen this side of the fox hybrid since the first time at the shelter, and it warms your heart that he finally feels comfortable enough to shift and let go even with the other packs around. 

You scratch Taehyung’s chin, grinning as you playfully say, "Do you know your hyungs are trying to use your cute little face as a distraction for ruining our flowerbed?"

Namjoon smiles sheepishly as the fox gives you a high, confirming yip in return. 

"It’s working, so I guess I can’t be too mad about it," You sigh, shaking your head in amused exasperation. 

You keep petting Taehyung for another minute until he seems to grow bored of it, his attention span a bit more fleeting in his shifted form. He rolls back over on his stomach, clambering up on his legs before he shakes his fur out. You’re not even sure if that’s something foxes do, or if he’s just picked it up from Hoseok and Namjoon over time. 

The fox walks a few laps back and forth, following the paved border along the bed as he sniffs at the freshly turned dirt. Hoseok notices the longing glances his packmate sends the disturbed soil, aware of his own instincts begging him to shift to dig around in it. 

He pats the ground to make Taehyung rush over to him, running a soothing hand over his spine as he gestures to the spot he abandoned his shovel. "There’s this root I can’t get up, it’s buried pretty deep, do you think you can get it for me?" 

You can practically see Taehyung’s entire body immediately honing in on the patch Hoseok pointed to, his tail swishing behind him in unbridled excitement. His ears are perked, focused, as he crouches low, belly to the ground.

His body tenses before he suddenly rushes forward, pouncing on the spot of dirt. He starts eagerly digging at the ground, scraping away the layers of soil surrounding the root in a few seconds. Taehyung has the entire thing uncovered in no time, his pointed snout shooting down to gnaw at what must’ve been roots from an old tree. His sharp teeth glint in the sun as he excitedly attacks the wood. A cracking sound fills the air as he chomps down on it, Taehyung's body going taut as he leans back, using his weight to pull it up. 

For a second the fox hybrid looks frozen, the root giving him more resistance than anticipated, but then it just gives – and Taehyung stumbles back, pulling out a root as thick as your arm from the dirt. 

"Well done, Tae," Namjoon beams, his chest rumbling with pride.

You cheer alongside his packmates, amazed that Taehyung managed to get rid of it that quickly. You shudder to think how many hours you would’ve been hacking away at it if you had to remove it yourself. 

Taehyung drops the root, yipping excitedly as he jumps around in the soil. He lets you all get in a few pets and a smooch between his furry ears as thanks before he shoots off, impatient to explore the rest of the garden. 

Smiling, you watch him scurry off, a streak of orange disappearing across the garden and into the thicker foliage near the back fence. Taehyung saved you all a lot of work, so now that the flowerbed is tended to and clear of anything that might impede the growth of the new plants, you can finally add in the fresh soil.

"Hobi?" The dog hybrid’s head whips around as you call his name, eyes hopeful.

"Can you help me with that bag of soil? I can’t lift it on my own."

You dust your hands, ready to rise up on your feet when Hoseok jumps up, gently pressing on your shoulder to make you stay seated on the ground.

"I’ll get it!" 

"Wait, it’s heavy–"  You turn around, warning tapering off as you watch the dog hybrid effortlessly heft the bag up in his arms.

Stunned, you watch as Hoseok carries it over without problem, no trace of a struggle visible on his face. He doesn’t make a sound as he picks up Namjoon’s rake, slashing the bag open before he spreads the soil as evenly as possible over the bed. 

Not even Namjoon, with his prominent muscles, looked this unbothered when he carried the bag for you earlier. You could tell he at least felt the weight of it on his shoulder, but it doesn’t seem like Hoseok registers it at all. You know that hybrids, regardless of their species, are genetically modified to be stronger than humans – but even so, the sight of Hoseok lifting a fifty litre bag of soil like it’s as light as a feather leaves you dumbstruck. There’s clearly a lot you still don’t know about the boys, and you have no clue how Hoseok has managed to hide that amount of strength away in his lithe build. 

"That’s, um, thank you," You stare up at Hoseok, a little lost, as he crumples up the empty plastic. 

"No problem!" He grins, ears perked as he resumes his spot. "Can I have a kiss now, too?" 

"Hmm, well, you did help, so …" You kiss the cheek that Hoseok keenly presents to you with a soft giggle, making sure to add another peck to the corner of his mouth in apology for teasing him earlier. 

Hoseok’s small dimples are carved into his cheeks when you pull back, the heart shaped smile turning your insides to mush.

He reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, subtly brushing his wrist against your neck as he pulls back, making sure his happy scent lingers on your skin. Hoseok knows all too well that you can’t smell it or find comfort in it like the others, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stop trying. 

"Y/n, where does this go?" Namjoon holds up a budding flower, the faintest hints of purple showing through the closed petals. 

"Anywhere you think it’ll look nice," You smile. "I picked out plants and flowers that all thrive in the shade, so the placement shouldn't matter too much." 

Namjoon lights up at that, his grey tail beating up a storm behind his back as he launches into describing where he thinks each plant would look best. He must’ve been thinking deeply about it while he was turning over the old soil. Seeing how enthused he looks as he places them all out, you wonder if he would enjoy learning more about it - maybe it would be possible to sign him up for a flower arranging course in town? Or a few lessons online? You’re definitely going to mention a few options to him later. 

"That looks pretty, Joonie," Hoseok compliments as his pack alpha finishes his positioning, small clusters of colourful flowers divided up between a variety of green plants. 

You echo his sentiment, already picturing just how lush and beautiful the flowerbed is going to look once everything sprouts and grows. 

"Thank you," Namjoon’s shy gratitude is filled to the brim with pride, the wolf hybrid beaming as he begins to dig the spot where the first flower will go. 

You hunker down in front of your own designated area, digging up the patches Namjoon marked for each new plant. There’s something tranquil about the fresh soil slipping through your fingers as you carefully pat down the dirt around the new flowers, a gentle calm settling over you as you listen to the welcoming tune of a faint birdsong in the distance.

You joke around with Namjoon and Hoseok as you plant the new flowers, happily listening to the boys retell what they’ve been up to for the past week. Namjoon in particular has taken to exploring the neighbourhood and the surrounding areas more, though you can’t quite figure out why he seems so bashful to admit it.

Before you can even think to ask, you’re interrupted by Taehyung running back over for more pets, the fox hybrid looking like he’s been rolling around in any available patches of dirt he’s come across. You can only watch, amused, as he’s gently scolded by Hoseok for getting so dirty, his whines only growing when Namjoon joins in too. 

"Hey!" Namjoon sputters as Taehyung sneezes him in the face, showing off his displeasure before he scampers off in the direction of the backdoor. 

Hoseok barks out a laugh at Taehyung’s cheeky retort and you have to cover your face as your snort, muffling the sound to the best of your abilities. You pretend you don’t see the narrowed look Namjoon gives you as he wipes his face, humming as you let your attention drift to the other boys hanging around the garden. 

Seokjin and Jeongguk are huddled near some bushes by the fence at the back, arguing loudly about what the correct type is. You just wanted to know if it would flower, but based on how long they’ve been slapping each other’s necks, you don’t think you’ll get a definite answer to that today.

You roll your eyes as Jeongguk wrestles Seokjin into a headlock, the bunny hybrid grinning victoriously as Seokjin lightly punches his stomach in retaliation.

Jeongguk’s smile falters as he glances up, meeting Jimin’s gaze from beneath the big tree in the middle of the garden. You watch as the hand Jimin was carding through his tail jerks, a small hiss carrying over the grass as he accidentally tugs on the delicate hairs.

Blushing, Jeongguk averts his eyes, loosening his hold on Seokjin in order to make the alpha jump back up, blocking Jimin from view as he squeaks about his packmate being a brat. 

This new thing between Jeongguk and Jimin is certainly interesting, to say the least. It doesn’t seem like the others have caught on to the strange tension that’s been growing between them ever since that night you found them huddled up on the couch together, limbs and tails intertwined. It has clearly left things between them awkward though, even if you’re not sure why. They seemed cosy enough when you stumbled across them and the friendships between the packs have been improving, but perhaps they need a bit more time to accept the sudden shift between them. 

Your gaze falls to Yoongi as he yawns, his dark eyes squinting disapprovingly up at the shade that has fallen over his resting spot. You were surprised when you first came outside to find the cat hybrid in his shifted form, a purring Yoongi wrapping himself between your legs for some pets before he eventually went off to take a nap somewhere hidden from view. He’s been steadily moving his way around the yard as you’ve been working, finding new spots to rest undisturbed.

Now though, you hold back a coo as the fluffy black cat slowly gets to his feet, stretching out his long body before he moves a little further into the garden, plopping down in the first patch of sunlight he finds. He curls into a little ball, delicately tucking his tail under his chin to bask in the pleasant spring warmth. 

You watch as one of Yoongi’s ears twitches, twisting towards the house, before you even manage to notice Taehyung yourself; the fox hybrid back in his human form as he quietly moves across the garden.

Taehyung approaches Yoongi’s resting figure carefully, eyes wide with wonder as he takes in his shifted form for the first time. He stops in front of Yoongi, orange tail swishing with interest behind his back as he slowly sinks to his knees.

You can barely make out one of Yoongi’s eyes cracking open to watch him, tail flicking with what you can only assume is annoyance at having his fifth nap interrupted.

Taehyung’s hands are folded in his lap, voice soft as he reverently says, "Hyung, your fur is so pretty." 

Yoongi watches Taehyung silently, pinning the younger hybrid under his gaze. He looks at him without blinking and you find yourself holding your breath, mirroring Taehyung subconsciously as the cat hybrid thinks - considers something. 

You’re not sure what you were expecting – for Yoongi to hiss maybe, definitely for him to just get up and leave – but he does, well, neither.

After a few tense seconds that feel horribly long, Yoongi simply just slides his eye shut, his tail stilling under his chin as he lets a gentle mrrp fill the silence between them.

"Are you sure?" Taehyung gasps, eyes lighting up as he reaches out, hand hovering over Yoongi’s back for a final confirmation. 

"Oh," You whisper, just as Hoseok sucks in a low breath behind your back. The scene in front of you has captured the attention of everyone in the garden, five pairs of curious eyes watching the unusual interaction unfold. 

Yoongi lets out another soft sound, something you can only describe as akin to a stuttered purr, to let Taehyung know it’s okay to touch him. To pet him. 

Taehyung looks enthralled as he lightly strokes Yoongi’s silky fur, fingertips barely even grazing the cat hybrid at the first few touches. He grows bolder when Yoongi repositions his head to get more comfortable, petting the alpha with a little more intent as he drags his fingers from the top of Yoongi’s head down to his lower back.

He just looks so happy, so content, as he continues to pet Yoongi to his heart’s desire. 

The sight truly makes you a little emotional. With how the boys acted when they got to the house, there was a point where something like this seemed more like a distant, unattainable dream than a possible future. Even though they eventually agreed to get along, there was never a promise of friendship, or closeness. There was never anything that alluded to this. 

You can hear Hoseok’s tail wagging at the sight, matching the grey blur of his pack alpha's in front of you. Seokjin and Jeongguk have calmed down too, the bunny hybrid resting his chin over Seokjin’s shoulder as he watches Taehyung and Yoongi with wide eyes.

They all seem pleased, at ease, to watch Taehyung take another step towards befriending Yoongi. Like it was just a matter of time before someone took the leap to start bonding between packs. 

Well, almost everyone. 

Jimin is silently seething beneath the tree, his dark eyes glued to Taehyung’s hand as it touches Yoongi over and over, and over again.

It's his expression that trips you up the most, the intensity there all too reminiscent of the look you saw him sporting earlier. You noticed it as they all rushed to greet you after you came down for breakfast – the way Jimin's face soured as he picked up traces of both Yoongi and Taehyung's scent on your body. He kept throwing odd looks their way, a permanent scowl on his face as he bit into his toast.

His displeasure was clear as day when Taehyung had reached for something across Yoongi's plate, their arms brushing together. The thing was though, Jimin wasn't watching Yoongi. During breakfast, he kept staring Taehyung down, lip curling whenever the fox hybrid touched someone.

You didn't recognize it then, but you do now. You can see it in the way Jimin’s tabby ears are pulled flat against his hair, strained hands clutching on to his fluffed up tail in what looks to be a painful manner. His eyes keep tracking Taehyung as he touches Yoongi, never wavering anywhere else.

It's jealousy, and it's practically rolling off him in waves.

The thing that confuses you the most however, is that while Jimin looks green with envy, you can't quite tell what's actually upsetting him more – the fact that Yoongi is allowing Taehyung to pet him, or that perhaps a tiny part of him wishes that he was the one getting touched by Taehyung.

a/n: Chapters 20 & 21 of "Abundance" are available on ko-fi! You can find them here: https://ko-fi.com/s/e95005a91d

so uhm ... hiii? i know it’s been a very long time since the last abundance update (18 months to be exact *cough*) but better late than never, right? it felt really weird returning to abundance after this long. even though i tried my best to recapture the old ‘feel’ of abundance, i still think i have some ways to go before i get fully used to writing this story again! i hope you guys can excuse any scenes that may feel a bit stilted or off while i get to know my characters again. but all of that aside – i’m so happy to be back. i really missed this story and my hybrid boys, and i missed you guys as well. 

how have you all been? did you enjoy the new chapter? please come talk to me in the comments (& remember to reblog, that helps me out a lot)!!

the next chapter will be posted in around three weeks time, but if you can’t wait then you can always read it early on my ko-fi! i would really appreciate the support!! 💖

see you all soon, stay safe! <3

[beyondthesefourwalls]

Remember You Even When I Don't (1)

Summary: A training accident, the doctor had told him. A nasty one that led him here, laying in a hospital bed with a splitting headache and an inability to remember the woman sitting beside him. What he did know, though, was that you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and you felt important to him. That, as it turns out, would become an understatement.

Words: 2.7K

Pairing: Bradley Bradshaw/Reader (no use of y/n, so can be read as unnamed oc)

Warnings: angst, hospitals, memory loss, language.

Notes: I'm so excited and so nervous to be posting this. It was originally going to be a one shot, but it got a little out of control and so I've decided to try and split it up into multiple parts.

This was inspired by a one shot by the lovely @roosterforme and would not exist without her assistance. If you haven't read any of her stuff, please check out her masterlist - you won't be disappointed!

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He woke up feeling like his mouth had been stuffed with cotton balls and an ice pick had been taken to his head over and over and over again. The pain was blinding. The grimace on his face must show, because suddenly there was a squeeze to his hand and a soft voice by his ear. 

“Bradley?”

That’s him, he recognized, maybe taking a little bit longer than he should have to realize that fact.  

“Oh, Bradley. Can you open your eyes for me, honey?” 

His movements felt slow to him, delayed and lethargic and like he’s fighting against more g-forces than he ever has. It takes him a moment to pry his eyes open, but when he does, he immediately flinches and squeezes them shut again. 

“Shit, oh my god I’m sorry,” that voice speaks again. The pressure on his hand is released and he hears what must be the squeak of a chair being pushed back. A soft click sounds through the room, but it felt like another clink of the ice pick on his skull. It’s a little less bright beyond his eyelids now, though. In another moment, his hand is warm as it’s encased in another again. “Lights are off now.”  

It felt like a tremendous effort to open his eyes again, and the process is slow. As he came into consciousness a little more fully, he registered the pain in more than just his head. And oh, there was a lot of it. He tried to shift just the slightest bit and immediately regretted it. It felt like every centimeter of him hurt. God, even blinking hurts.

The room comes in and out of focus, and even when it mostly clears, there was a slight blur around the edges of his vision. He recognized enough to know he was in a hospital. The white walls, the iv running through the crook of his elbow, the continuous beep beep beep of the monitor on one side of the bed are a giveaway to that. 

“Baby, baby, hey, don’t try and move, okay?”

The voice on the other side of the bed must belong to whoever is holding his hand. Despite the request, he couldn’t help but slowly, slowly turn his head in that direction. The voice was captivating, melodic, almost, and he wanted to see who it belonged to. It takes a moment for his eyes to focus on you, but when they do, he’s blown away. 

“Wow,” he breathed out in awe, his voice scratchy and sore, “you’re beautiful.” 

The breathtaking woman holding his hand laughs, and the sound is beautiful, but then tears well in your eyes. He doesn’t like that, he decided. He’s confused as to why he cares as much as he does about that fact. “Please don’t cry.” 

“I’m sorry,” you responded as you wiped under your eyes, “it’s just so good to hear your voice and see those eyes, baby.” 

There’s something he’s missing. The nagging feeling in the back of his head tells him that it’s something important, vital, imperative to his very survival. He racked his brain to try and find what it was, but the pain was so severe and his vision was starting to go in and out again the more he tried to figure it out. God, what happened to him? 

“Let me call your doctor,” you insist, and you’re standing to press the button on his bed when he tries to speak through the pain again. 

“Are you…not my doctor?” 

His voice was low, but he knew you heard him by how your entire body froze and your watery eyes snapped to him. Tears were welling again, he noticed in his blurred vision, but the look you have in your eyes was different this time. 

He felt like he did something wrong. 

You pressed the call button over and over again, more times than is probably necessary, before sinking back into the chair that he was starting to think you’ve been in for a long time. It felt like your hand was holding onto his a little bit harder now. 

“Bradley…do you know who I am? Do you know my name?” 

The pain in his body was ricocheting through him so viciously that he felt he may throw up, but he tried to push through it and think anyway. It felt important. You felt important, but he couldn’t figure out why. And he couldn’t think of your name, either. It’s that feeling of being right there on the tip of his tongue, but it just wouldn’t come out. 

“I can’t remember. I’m sorry. Should I?” 

You gasped lightly and he doesn’t like that sound, either. Before he could try and apologize, for something he wasn’t completely clear on, the door to his room opened and suddenly there were way more than the two of you in the room. He’s surrounded by white coats and navy blue scrubs and your hand wasn’t in his anymore and he missed the feel of it. He flailed slightly, trying to find it once more, but you were being ushered to the back of the small hospital room and that doesn’t feel right, either. 

“No,” he muttered, not listening to any of the medical personnel asking him questions and poking and prodding at him. He just knew that he wanted you back beside him, looking like you did when he first woke up, not sad like you did now. 

Everything hurt. 

Someone was shining a light in his eyes and he was so overcome with it that he at first didn’t notice how everyone in the room stopped moving when he had been asked what year it is and he had said 2018. He answered again when they asked who the current President was and his date of birth. 

By the collective intake of breath throughout the room, it seemed the last one was the only one he got right. 

“Lieutenant Commander -”

“It’s just Lieutenant.” 

The doctor clicked his flashlight off and took a small step back, clearing his throat and contemplating his words before he spoke. “According to your official Navy file, you were promoted to Lieutenant Commander two years ago. And unfortunately, Lieutenant Commander, it’s no longer 2018. It’s 2022, sir.”

The beeping of his heart monitor was starting to quicken, and his own breathing was loud in his ears. 

The doctor started speaking again, but Bradley couldn’t hear him. There was a consistent buzzing in his head. He was starting to get unbelievably dizzy. He felt like he was going to be sick. Throughout it, his eyes were still on you. The tears were streaming freely now, no longer being pushed away in defiance, with your hands covering your mouth as you stared back at him like you were having a hard time seeing him. 

A shimmering caught his attention and for the first time, he noticed the ring on your left finger. The edges on his vision started to go dark, and as the possibility of what that meant hit him, he no longer felt or saw anything at all. 

_________

He had been unconscious for three days. 

A training accident, the doctor had told him, and a nasty ejection that involved not only slamming into the canopy, but into the plane itself. He was unconscious before he ever hit the ground, but his parachute had done its job on at least getting him there. More broken ribs than intact ones, a collapsed lung, more cuts and bruises to add to the regular collection, and a skull fracture and swelling on his brain that explained his massive headache and his apparent lack of memory. 

Four years of his life. 

Four. Years. 

Somehow, though, that wasn’t the most shocking thing he had heard since regaining consciousness. 

The woman in the room was his wife. You were his wife and he didn’t remember you. But he knew you. He knew that he knew you. He could feel it in his aching bones when he looked at you. 

It took a long time for the two of you to be alone again. A nurse had been in the room when he next woke up and the doctors quickly followed to explain all that had happened to him. He had almost immediately been rolled away for a variety of testing, poking and prodding. He wasn’t sure how long it took, but by the time he made it back to his room, there was no natural light filtering in through the windows anymore, and the ward itself was a little bit quieter. It must have been late.

You gave him the smallest of smiles from the chair next to his bed as the nurse who brought him back made sure all of his monitors were hooked up properly. She explained a few things to the both of you, seemingly unfazed to be sharing his medical information with someone he didn’t know. He supposed it didn’t matter, though. Because you’re his wife, and it’s your legal right to have this information. 

When Nurse Anne finally left, the two of you simply stared at one another. The air felt awkward, taught with unfamiliar tension. It settled over the room for a moment before you cleared your throat. He tried not to focus on how you were playing with the ring on your finger, twisting it around with your thumb.

“How are you -“

“I don’t know your name.” 

He didn’t mean to blurt out the words, especially when it cut off whatever you were about to ask him. But the thought has been going through his mind since you had asked him when he first woke up what must be hours ago now.

He had hoped for a revelation when you told him. Your name bounced around in his head, searching for something. But the only thing he found was disappointment when nothing hit him. 

He was tired and wanted to go to sleep. Even with the pain medication continuously dripping through the IV, his whole body hurt, but he couldn’t, now. He was desperate to speak to you. He wanted to make some sort of sense of this mess, but part of him, some part he was no longer familiar with, also just wanted to hear your voice again. 

“How…how long have we been married?”

“Three years,” you sighed, rubbing your eyes. It seemed that all he’d made you do since he woke up was cry. Bradley could tell that you were holding yourself together with all the strength you could muster. He admired you for that. You must have realized quickly that he was distracted or that the math was hurting his still aching head, so you followed up by explaining you had only been dating for four months before he proposed, and had been married by month six. 

Despite all the confusion and both the physical and mental hurt, he couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips. “You were crazy enough to say yes after four months?” 

You laughed, and oh, he thought, that’s a beautiful sound. 

“You definitely aren’t the first person to accuse me of that,” you revealed, though it didn’t come as much of a surprise because it made sense. Meeting and marrying in half a year was intimidating, and a bit insane in his eyes. He had always been slow to trust and even slower to love. He wondered about those first four months and what they must have been like to inspire him to propose, but instead of asking, he took the quiet that came over the room as an opportunity to just…look at you. There was an ache in his chest that he couldn’t quite explain as he does. 

Your hair was pulled back loosely at the base of your neck, more than a few pieces falling out of the hold the band had on it. You were in plain black leggings and an oversized Eagles sweatshirt that threatened to swallow you. In the back of his muddled mind, he questions if it was his, or if you maybe shared his enjoyment for the sport and team. Your skin was blotchy and your eyes were puffy from all the tears. 

You looked as exhausted as he felt, but you were still so, so beautiful. He doesn’t know if he’d ever seen anyone so beautiful, in fact. It was the first thing he had thought when he woke up the first time, and his opinion hadn’t changed. 

“This must be really overwhelming for you,” you said after a few minutes of silence. He could sense your nervousness rising and noticed how you were rubbing your rings again - he wondered if it was a tell of yours all the time. “I don’t - I don’t want to make that worse, so I - I can go, if you’d like me to.” 

“Go?” he questioned. Something that felt like panic flickered inside of him. He doesn’t think he likes that idea. 

“Yes. If you wanted to be alone. Or I could - I guess I could have someone else come stay with you?” You looked like you dreaded the idea of it, but he knew you would do it if it was what he wanted, and wasn’t that something? He had never had someone who would willingly put themselves through hurt if it made him feel better. Your last question raised one of his own, though, and he couldn’t help but ask. 

“Have you…been here the whole time?” 

“Of course,” you whispered with a nod. You leant forward in your chair like you were going to grab his hand but stopped yourself at the last second. You were still rubbing the rings on your left hand as you considered the words you were going to say. 

“I had to have my gallbladder removed last year,” you spoke again after a moment. His eyebrows furrowed, searching for a memory and coming up short. He didn’t know where you were going with this. “I was at home when I started getting these really bad pains. I would have thought it was my appendix, but I had that removed when I was a kid. After the pain didn’t go away I decided I should probably go to the hospital. I knew you were in the air that day so I left you a voicemail and sent you a text about what was happening. They had just put me in a room after running a few tests to figure out what was wrong when you came crashing in, demanding to talk to a doctor about what was wrong with me and then demanding to know why I wasn’t already in surgery if my gallbladder was so inflamed and infected that it was causing me as much pain as it was. I was in the hospital for less than 24 hours but you were there the whole time, holding my hand. Then you took time off work so that you could stay at home with me. For the first few days, if I did anything more than lift the tv remote or turn the page in my book, you were stopping me so that you could do it yourself. You were so worried about me.” 

He could feel it then. It was a strange sensation, really. He didn’t know you. His mind couldn’t produce any memories of you, but the thought of something happening to you, of something having happened to you, made him worry. He felt protective of you and you weren’t more than a stranger to him right now. 

“I say all this to say, Bradley, that if the roles were reversed, if I were the one in that hospital bed, I know exactly where you’d be, too. Because you have been. It doesn’t matter how big or small. I know you don’t remember but…that’s…that’s who we are, okay? There’s nowhere else I’d have been but right here by your side.” 

Your words hit him harder than he expected them to. He didn’t really know how to respond. He couldn’t make sense of all of this.  

“I think I want you to stay,” he whispered, almost afraid of the words. 

This time, you didn’t stop yourself from reaching out to him. You settled your hand over his and squeezed gently. And though you didn’t let your touch remain for more than a moment, the brief interaction spread warmth through the area. 

“Get some rest, sweetheart. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” 

-------------

Part Two :: Series Masterlist :: Main Masterlist

Notes: Thank you for reading! Your feedback is so important to me. Please let me know your thoughts and if you're interested in more of this being posted :)

[maldaptivedreamer]

Treats and Reassurances

Part 2

Navarro needs help on the ship and you talk about the argument with Bjorn.

content: Not proofread, not entirely accurate to alien universe, maybe ooc characters, drugs/smoking, use of gwanja (ik it’s wrong), no bjorn just friends comforting reader after argument w/ bjorn, honestly almost a "filler"

wc: ~ 1.9k

a/n:  This isn't my favorite thing ever. For some reason, when I was writing this I was in a weird headspace and the dialogue feels a bit stiff. Since I've been dragging my feet posting this, the next part is almost done. Expect it soontm. Also the next part will have a reader who makes out/flirts with a woman. Sorry not sorry to all the straights lol

Main Masterlist      Next Part

The Corbelan IV looms over you. Patches of rust and scratches cover its surface. The Weyland-Yutani logo is big and obtrusive on the side of the dull gray ship. 

The lower payload area's entry ramp is extended open, its muted orange color standing out against the monotone colors of the surrounding metal.

Slightly paranoid, you scrutinize your surroundings. Looking for any sign of Bjorn. You hope he's not around, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of being right.

Maintaining the ship with Navarro and Bjorn had become routine for you, a monthly chore. It's something you didn't plan on, but now you find yourself enjoying it, using it as an excuse to hang out together. It’s the one time where he’s actually civil, but you doubt that he’ll be capable of any of that after having his ego bruised.

With a deep breath to steady your nerves, you cautiously step onto the ramp. The shifting dirt beneath your feet feels like quicksand, threatening to pull you down with each heavy step. Your heart beats in your ears as you approach the ladder, reaching out with anxious fingers to grip each rung.

With a grunt of effort, you hoist yourself up into the ship. The aged metal creaks and groans under your weight. The familiar scent of rust and engine oil fills your nostrils as you make your way inside.

Swallowing, you call out. “Navarro?” The silence that follows only adds to the tension building inside you.

Making your way up to the control room, your footsteps echo in the empty corridor. The ship feels different - almost eerie. You try to shake off the feeling, wiping your clammy hands on your jeans.

As you climb into the cockpit, you knock on the frame of the entrance. Navarro is sitting on a bench, hunched over a datapad. Glancing around, her brown eyes catch yours. “Hey. I’m glad you came.” Lowering the tablet, she continues. “Bjorn was a dick yesterday, more so than usual, so wasn’t sure if you’d show.”

Climbing into the room, you release a breathy snort of amusement through your nose at her blunt words and you can feel the stiffness in your body begin to recede. It’s okay, everything’s okay. She’s not upset.

She offers you the datapad, before moving to a pile of scrap. You look over the maintenance checklist, scanning each item with a critical eye.

Turning to face you, her face brightens with remembrance. "Oh, uhh, I forgot to mention...Bjorn won't be here. Told him that he'd just get in the way." You can sense a hint of annoyance in her voice as she mentions him.

You half absorb the checklist as you examine her in the corner of your eye. “Oh and how’d he take that?”

Smiling sarcastically, she sighs and runs a hand across the back of her head. “Very well.”

Sending her a grateful smile, you hand her the datapad. "Thank you. Fixing this piece of shit takes all of my brain power and I don't want to waste any dealing with him."

As she stands up, Navarro's eyes narrow in amusement and she runs a hand along the rough metal wall of the ship. Her tone carries a tinge of playful annoyance. "Hey now, this is my ship and I don't appreciate you calling it a piece of shit."

A playful chuckle escapes your lips as you scoff, "Oh please, you know it's true." Sucking your teeth in mock disappointment, you give Navarro a frown. "You know there’s one downside to not having Bjorn here. He always had the gwanja."

Navarro responds with a light tsk before breaking into a mischievous grin. “That’s very irresponsible and dangerous of you. Operating dangerous machinery under the influence. How dare you.”

As she finishes her sentence, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a sleek case. Sliding it open, she presents four neatly rolled joints.

With a mischievous smirk and shrug, she gestures for you to take one, “He owes you. He offered every joint he had on him. So… take your pick.”

Lifting a brow, you grin at her. Reaching into the case, your voice is sarcastic, “Mhmm. Is that right? He just… offered?” Placing a joint between your lips, you give her a knowing smirk, “Bet he said he was real sorry too.”

She nods sarcastically before lighting her own joint. As you both blow out smoke, her expression shifts, “What he said wasn’t true. You know that right?”

You gulp, shifting your weight and shrugging. Taking a drag, you avoid her gaze.

Navarro calls your name in a stern tone, drawing your eyes to hers, "Sometimes you’re in your head, but we understand. Whether it's mentally or physically, you need time alone. We all get it. We love you. What he said about you being selfish was wrong and we ripped him a new one for it. We should’ve said something sooner."

You take a long drag, letting the smoke fill your lungs before exhaling slowly. The familiar buzz starts to settle in, easing some of the tension in your shoulders.

"I know," you say softly, leaning against the wall. Biting your lip, you dig a toe into the metal floor, "It's just... sometimes I worry that I'm not there enough. That I'm not expressing how much you all mean to me.” 

Shrugging, you shake your head emphatically. “And I don’t want you guys to feel guilty for not getting in the middle. You shouldn’t have to and us fighting was bound to happen eventually."

Navarro moves closer, her expression softening. "Hey, look at me," she says, waiting until you meet her gaze. "You're family and we wouldn't be the same without you. Bjorn was just talking out of his ass, like usual."

You can't help but chuckle at that. "Yeah, he does have a talent for it."

"Exactly," Navarro grins.

Clearing your throat, your fingers twist the silver band around your thumb. Scrunching your face, a hollow feeling expands in your chest. Bjorn gave you this ring. Told you it was some old one he didn’t wear anymore. You didn’t even realize, you’d still been wearing it... or that you still put it on every morning.

Dropping your hands, you glance at Navarro with a lump in your throat. “I said some really mean stuff too. Stuff that he… might… probably… didn’t deserve, no matter how big of an asshole he was.”

Slowly rocking her head side to side, she shrugs. “Maybe. But he started it. Said some awful things to you and you reacted. If you’re sorry about what you said, you can apologize later. Or don’t.”

Taking another hit, she gestures to the ship. "Now, are you gonna help me fix this thing or what?"

You laugh, feeling the tension dissipate. "Yes ma’am."

The familiar routine of maintenance settles over you. As you tinker with the ship's systems, conversation flows easily between you two, punctuated by the occasional curse when something doesn't cooperate.

The quiet hum of machinery and occasional clink of tools is interrupted as light footsteps reverberate through the ship.

Groaning, you flex your aching fingers and glance at Navarro. She ignores your questioning eyes and hunches over, wiping her hands with a grease covered rag.

Watching the ladder, you see Kay's head peeking over the edge, her curled hair spilling around her face.

Releasing a breath of relief, you give her a smile. Your voice holds a pleasant surprise, “Hey, what yah doin’ here?”

A grin spreads on her face and she joins you in the pilot room, giving you both a hug. “I came to hang out. Missed you and wanted to check in on you after yesterday.” You don't miss the silent look they share and you feel your chest warm at their concern.

With a thankful smile, you nudge her and wipe your hands on your pants. “Thank you. I’m fine. I had time to calm down and I talked a bit with Navarro.” You send Navarro an appreciative glance.

Kay nods, her eyes softening. "I'm glad. We were all worried about you… Just in case you were feeling weird or anything about what he said, I want you to know that I love you. We all do."

She pauses, looking around the room. "So, what are you two up to in here?"

"Just the usual maintenance stuff," you reply, gesturing to the various tools and parts scattered around. "Trying to keep this shitbox from falling apart mid-flight."

Navarro snorts, "I thought we agreed to stop insulting my ship."

"Sorry," you grin, not looking sorry at all. 

Kay laughs, settling into one of the pilot chairs. "Well, don't let me interrupt. I'll just sit here and provide moral support."

"Ah, I see. You came here to slow us down then," Navarro says, tossing a rag at Kay.

Kay laughs, catching the rag effortlessly. "Hey now, I'll have you know my moral support is top-notch. I even brought treats." She reaches into her bag and pulls out a small cube shape wrapped in tinfoil. Slowly unwrapping it, she presents squares of chocolate to you. Smiling, she carefully waves it around, “Ta-da. Your favorite.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. Your chest tightens at the care of your friends.  “Thank you. Really. I love you guys.” Your serious tone indicates that your thankful for more than just the chocolate and weed.

Navarro rolls her eyes with a smirk, “Yeah, yeah, we love you too. Don’t cry, if you cry, Kay’ll cry."

Huffing out a laugh, you blink away the wetness in your eyes.

As you all silently eat your respective chocoates, Kay suddenly stops and sniffs the air. Raising her head with a confused expression, she scrunches her nose. “It smells… Were you guys smoking?”

You and Navarro quickly glance at each other. She covers a laugh by coughing into her hand and you shake your head with an exaggerated frown. You look down at the half eaten square in your hands. “No, no of course not. That would be dangerous and irresponsible. Both of which, we are not.”

Narrowing her eyes at you, Kay teases. “Uh-huh. Look at me.”

You reluctantly lift your gaze to meet Kay's, trying your best to keep a straight face. But as soon as your red eyes lock with hers, you can't help but burst into laughter.

"Oh my god, you fucking were!" Kay exclaims, a mix of amusement and mock outrage in her voice. "I thought you were fixing the ship. Crying and upset. I wanted to be a good friend, you know, come cheer you up."

Navarro snorts, giving up the pretense. “In our defense, Bjorn gave us his stash as apology.”

Kay scoffs, rolling her eyes with a grin. “Right and I won a one-way ticket to Yvaga.” Kay shakes her head, but there's a hint of amusement in her eyes. "You two are impossible."

Navarro shrugs, taking another bite of chocolate. "Hey, can you blame us?"

You lean back against the wall, feeling more relaxed than you have in days.

As you all eat your respective treats, the conversation flows easily. Kay fills you in on the latest colony gossip, her animated storytelling bringing laughter to the stuffy room. You find yourself relaxing more with each passing minute. The tension from yesterday's argument with Bjorn feels distant.

Next Part

[thychesters]

Re, your post about sanji v absalom, i hope you dont mind a little rant, because I have a lot of feelings about this. Basically, post-timeskip sanji has become a huge frustration for me because it felt like his perviness has been dialed up by 1000 at the expense of not only the rest of his personality for the most part, but also in instances like this where someone he allegedly cares about has been violated and yet instead of really helping, he just makes the situation more unpalatable???? The fight with absalom became all about sanji and how pissed he was about absalom trying to marry Nami and that he has the invisible devil fruit, not about Nami and everything the asshole has been putting nami through. When we first met Sanji, he was still a perv, but it wasnt his like whole personality the way its become these days. It's just really disappointing, because I loved him when we first meet him and the perv stuff was annoying but i could at least roll my eyes and move on because its a stupid trope but at least it wasnt as bad as some manga Ive read, but now it's so much WORSE than most of the manga I've read and I dont like him much at all because of all this shit. He gets a little better in later arcs post-thriller bark, but it's unlikely I'll ever like him like I did before, and that makes me so sad.

one of my friends said he gets worse and and i'm just. beyond so disappointed about that. him being a little pervy was a quick gag in the beginning that was easy to roll your eyes at, if you addressed it all, because you knew there was never any intent behind it. he might faun over nami and robin, but again, they know there's no ill intent behind it. but hearing the perviness becomes his personaility is so disheartening. i want a sanji who cares about his friends and crew, not one who's overtly lecherous.

the fight with absalom really turned into being about him and his feelings when it never should have been that at all. his only feelings should have been anger -- anger over nami and what had been to her and what she'd been through.

frankly i'm really surprised and disappointed no one actually expressed any anger over that? after hearing usopp tell them nami had been spied on and attacked in the bath. (i get it's an action story with a few emotional beats, but you can talk about and show murder but not have someone go "that wasn't okay" about what absalom did?) that also gets me about usopp -- i mean yeah, i might be thrown for a second if i open the door and my friend is completely nude, but that's immediately going to be overshadowed by the fact that she's yelling for help and clearly being restrained. usopp, you can ignore the fact her boobs are out. do something to help her. (having her bathe before they were supposed to leave is also weird writing because they 100% could have been separated some other way.)

the same thing is played off for laughs later on -- sanji bursts in flame and oh man, he's so silly! gonna go save nami!

and when he first showed up in the church and was pissed i was like yes!! yes!! be angry for her and what she was made to endure. be pissed that your friend was spied on, assaulted, drugged, and stripped and forced into this situation. and instead of being pissed on her behalf it feels mostly like it's on his own. when he said absalom stole his dream my heart dropped into my stomach because was it something like dumb to marry nami (which absalom was forcing her into against her will?) or something creepier like he saw her naked when he didn't?

(not to ignore the scene in alabasta where she flashed them, but she was more in control in that situation and was able to make a choice. she was in control of her body! [sidebar, but cobra peeking over the wall was also fuckin weird because his daughter was there. she was also clearly less comfortable with what was happening too.])

nami is his crew mate and more so than anything his friend. she's his friend.

i hope nami's angry after all of this. i hope she stays angry. i hope the crew, her friends, are angry too over her treatment, over what happened to her. at least i will be.

[cross-crye]

𝔴𝔯𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔠𝔦𝔯𝔠𝔲𝔪𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢𝔰

malleus draconia (twst) x gn!reader angst

lilia makes an appearance

w.c. 0.5k

~ !reader is NOT yuu; not proofread this fic is inspired by a conversation i had w @marsgod a while back. its been living rent free in my head ever since so ive finally written it down.

summary: What if yuu wasn’t the first magicless student to come to NRC? Crowley sent the reader back to their home world a while ago despite their protests. Now they’ve finally managed to return, only to find out that things changed and they’d been replaced.

~also posted on ao3

The surface of the mirror was bubbling, almost like boiling water in a pot. It looked as if there was something under the surface of the mirror struggling to get out, making ripples appear all over, almost as if the glass had turned into the sea itself. The floor length mirror took the appearance of an abyss, as the magic affecting the mirror was making it absorb light instead of reflecting it like a regular mirror should. Yet despite all this all was quiet, not even their breath being heard as they stepped through the mirror.

Initially, joy coursed through their veins upon recognising the famed mirror chamber. Even the slight disappointment upon seeing the lack of people in the room hadn’t managed to lower their spirits, if only they knew what was expecting them. They slowly made their way out of the room, traversing the dark hallways of the school, hoping to encounter anybody they might be at the very least acquainted with. Yet nobody appeared as they continued to venture deeper into the school. After a while of wandering around unsuccessfully they decided to go to the mirror chamber, hoping that searching the dorms would leave them with a satisfying result.

The walk back to the chamber was unpleasant due to the less-than-optimal circumstances. Despite not wishing to accept it negative thoughts were clouding their judgment, almost like whispers in their head, reminding them of the worst. Their footsteps resounded along the long and winding corridors, the quiet unbearable, as foul thoughts filled the silence. Perhaps they’d been gone too long, or maybe failed to reach the proper world. Whatever the truth was, they were currently blinded to it as insecurities took over their rationality.

Eventually the mirror chamber was within sight, making the pathways to the dorms visible. Even if it weren’t for their wish to venture to Diasomnia it was as if a force beyond their comprehension was calling them towards the dorm’s entrance. Due to its sheer size, they had to continue to walk before even nearing the actual castle inside of the dorm’s realm, the walkway was long which allowed for more negative thoughts to brew inside their mind. But the distant sound of chatter brought back some hope into their heart.

And so they quickly but quietly made their way into the Diasomnia dorm lounge, only to remain frozen upon lying eyes onto the sight in front of them. Confusion was evident on their features, yet they foolishly remained hopeful for perhaps they’d misunderstood. Maybe a chat with a friend would shed some light into the situation, Lilia always did know everything about any conceivable situation. They reluctantly made their way forward, joining the smaller fae’s side. There was no time to clarify the nature of the situation, as Malleus kissed “his child of man’s” hand while gazing into that person's eyes, the same way he had once done for them. He acted with this person, the same way he was with them, the one who'd been his beloved, now forgotten as he exchanged meaningful glances with the one known as Yuu.

All they could do was turn to Lilia and finally let the sadness in their heart show on their face and ask “How long was I gone?” The only response he uttered was much too heartbreaking for its literal meaning. “Too long.”

cross-crye © 2022.

no reposting, stealing, copying or translating my works.

reblogs, comments and likes are all highly appreciated

[iraprince]

any advice for starting sketches? once i have a coherent foundation it's easier for me to work on the drawing but i struggle SO BAD with actually making my initial sketch something that makes sense. when i try to start the sketch it feels like im just trying to get lucky with something i can actually work on. it's like i cant transfer what i want to see in my head to the actual work and it's insanely frustrating. it's like i can only know what i want to do when it's already there, not when nothing is there. ive been drawing for over 10 years and this is something I've never been able to change no matter how many different ways I've tried to go about this and it's why ive gone everywhere from drawing multiple times a week to not doing it at all for months/years at a time. i never want to try because the process of attempting a new sketch is so frustrating a majority of the time and i wish i could enjoy it or know why i cant get my sketches started. it's fine when i do get lucky, it's just the blank page that torments me

hmmm this is a really good question. it's something i have an easier time with digitally than traditionally, somehow -- like, i can't tell you how many stacks of paper i have sitting around that are full of, like, 20% of a floating head because i keep getting that far on starting something and then deciding i hate it, vs with digital sketches i do still often scrap/give up on sketches very early but somehow there's less friction irt just making a new layer and trying again, over and over pretty quickly. maybe it's that digital feels faster + more ephemeral, vs w traditional i'm faced more confrontationally with the paper i'm "wasting," etc

also i think just like. "what's in my head will not show up on the paper" is just the universal problem forever, it's the tide we're always swimming against and we'll go through waves where it feels more or less true depending on the current development of our technical skill vs our critical eye, but i don't think it ever fully goes away

this is just what's true for me but if it always feels like you're just trying to get lucky, the fastest brute force solution for that is leaning into quantity, imo. draw a LOT, draw FAST, and -- easier said than done, but -- try your best not to CARE if they look bad. even in the shittiest drawing there is often something you can salvage for later. i can't remember where i saw it but i once saw it said that drawing is like a clogged pipe -- there's a bunch of shitty drawings stuck in there and you have to get those all OUT before you can expect the real stuff behind it to start flowing

lower the stakes, in whatever way you can. in my experience, it's not that drawing itself is really that hard or taxing -- it's that the emotional toll of doing drawings and then not being happy with them is hard, it's disappointment and being down on yourself that's hard. if we do our best to strip away all the emotional baggage, that's that part that can actually make art so grueling and difficult to keep up with imo. so try the best u can to just make it, like... not that serious. remind yourself over and over again that there's nothing actually wrong with making drawings you're not satisfied with. it's not doing anything bad to anyone. i literally mumble it to myself sometimes -- when a drawing is coming out shitty or i just can't get where i want to be on an illustration i say to myself "it's okay, that's fine" and try to pump the brakes on the negative thoughts before "ugh, that's not what i wanted" somehow internally transforms into "you SUCK and you're a HACK and there's no point to ANY OF THIS!!!!" lol

in terms of more concrete stuff to try -- one of my fav exercises to loosen up is song sketches. i put a huge playlist (usually like literally all my music, i have it all in a folder on spotify) on shuffle and then draw a bunch of quick sketches only for the duration of each song, and usually trying to match the drawing to whatever the song makes me think of -- so if it's a 2 minute song, i literally only have 2 minutes. if i hit some 7 minute club edit, then great, i have 7 minutes to bang out something slightly more polished. depending on how fast you're used to working, you may find that at first you struggle to get ANYTHING coherent down in 2-3 minutes -- that's OKAY!!! another point of this exercise is to acclimate yourself to making unfinished, incoherent, dogshit drawings without it being a big deal. the point is that if you're limiting yourself this much (in terms of actual drawing time AND in terms of not being able to overthink/plan, you have to hear the start of the song and decide what ur gonna draw IMMEDIATELY), you will end up churning out a lot more drawings without individually agonizing over each one as much, and there WILL be something salvageable in the pile.

i hope some part of this is helpful!!!! good luck!!!

[salad-006]

btw salad what's ur opinion on eddsworld legacy?

For the most part, i think legacy is Okay. It's not the Best, but its nice to see so many people come together to finish off the show. I can respect all the work these guys did, especially tomska.

If you came for my option on the season and thats it you can leave, because the rest of this is me going crazy mode

My only real problems lie with only 2-3 episodes, and it drives me Crazy because they're By Far the most popular, so they've caused the most problems. This one question ended up becoming a giantic essay SORRY im just passionate about ebbworld

Keep in mind these are Just my options, I'm not going to look down on you if you're the number one The End Fan. If you like it then Cool, you can continue to enjoy it. And i can continue to hate it over in my corner

I'm keeping this section on Fun Dead short, mostly because it's not really the worst offender

The "Obliviously stupid to progress the plot" trope is so bad here. They've seen zombies before how do they not recognize them now. I get them being oblivious to super obvious things is the joke ,but its just not funny

For a Zombie centric episode, there's barely any Fighting. I feel like big fight scenes are what people like most with these. But no we get a 30 second montage, one that's not even animated

They are such wusses in this episode id bully them if i was there i think

The End. Don't even get me started on The End. Legitimately i have never seen such a botched finale in my life. Fair warning this is about to get long and angry im sorry

Let me ask one question: how come in the Finale To Eddsworld Legacy, the season Dedicated to Edd Gould and his work, Edd Himself does not play a prominent role? I'm not even kidding, you could write Edd out completely and Nothing would change. Ive heard people say this was Tomska going out with a bang before leaving the show, but from what i know he also wanted eddsworld to be completely over at The End. If that's true he could have atleast let Edd shoot the harpoon or some shit, come on

This is such a disappointing finale overall. They don't do anything exciting. We just get to watch a little "do you remember this episode?" Montage, all the sudden everything gets crazy then oh! Episodes over goodbye forever.

An end fight might have been more exciting had it been set up properly. They gave us the bare minimum, which was having tords stupid little gang tag appear a few times then having two of his coworkers/soldiers appear a few times. That doesn't hint at a Tord being an evil meglomaniac who's got a giant fucking robot hidden under the house

FUTURE EDD CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AS WELL, AND HE WORKS GREAT BECAUSE HE SETS UP THE LORE IMMEDIATELY. Tords return gave us Nothing beyond "he is manipulating them!!" Instead we get the book dropped on us halfway through the LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON without ever being given any sort of explanation. That's just it.

ALSO FUCK BRINGING TORD BACK AT ALL. the dude asked to be removed from the show and what did they do? Hinted at his return like 15 times then had him come back as this manipulative mastermind, whos got a bunch of science stuff and a russian accent. At the bare minimum you could have writtten him to atleast resemble something close to Tord. There's literally more evidence that points to him being a clone than there is him being the real Tord, and it WASN'T EVEN INTENTIONAL.

Took a character who had left with all his loose ends tied up, brought him back with completely new unexplained info, then ended the show with both the original and the new loose ends untied. I've read this was Tomska trying to write Tord out of the show for good, but he somehow managed to do the complete opposite by leaving him at a LITERAL cliffhanger. Now all the 12 year olds are @ ing eddsworld begging he comes back for a redemption episode.

I could scream forever about the end but ive already said too much SORRY. This is why im just rewritting it myself to make it good

One last thing: its somewhat heartbreaking to me how Legacy has totally overgrown the classic episodes. Of the top Ten most popular videos on the channel, Seven of them are legacy episodes, with Edds three episodes being at the very bottom of the list

I just don't like it. I dont like how legacy has become like the Face of what eddsworld is. Maybe it's just because Edds work has been one of the biggest inspirations in my life (if that wasn't obvious already) IDK it seems unfair

Tldr: i dont like what legacy has done to the series and the fandom, but it's okay for the most part. Fuck The End though

[brainrotallthewaydown1312]

my friend just got me into Ted lasso earlier this month. slightly before 3×10 came out. it's already one of my favorite shows, which took me by surprise. the only sports shows I've ever liked before have been anime. technically i am half way through season 2 but I'm online so ive seen a lot of spoilers. including how they just handled the ot3 in the finale. and i have a couple thoughts.

before we started the first episode, one of my friends selling points was "there is an ot3 that might actually have a shot at going canon by the end and the end is soon" and before seeing any of it my answer was "you already sold me but don't get your hopes up. it's still made by two massive studios and studios are pussies. and then i watched the first episode and she showed me some clips of Roy and Jamie later in the series and some actor interview clips to explain the ot3 better and i said "I'll tell you exactly what is going to happen. they are going to pull a korrasami. it looks like the writers are writing towards it and the actors and everyone wants it to go that way, but they are at best going to get an episode close to the end where their 'friendship' develops with a few hints and then at the very end of the last episode they will throw an ambiguous bone that could go either way. because that is as far as those studios will allow" and i was exactly right. exactly fucking right.

and I'm happy we got as much as we did with them. it feels like the type of representation you get from a Hollywood movie in the 50s. subtextual but easily readable with a trained eye. and it feels natural for their development. even with the backslide of the fistfight. because real growth isn't linear and theirs has never been either. this feels like a very natural place for them to end and it feels like they are at the start of something that they as characters don't quite understand yet.

but there is a part of me that is still disappointed. the same way part of me was disappointed when i finished leverage and got korrasami'd by that ot3. it's always left ambiguous with polyamory. it's either an ambiguous ending that will go under the studios radar or it's basically a porn from the start (not that there is anything wrong with that side of it either, i just want more variety) Dani got to have 2 girlfriends. and they looked happy. and they were there for a few seconds and they were gone. and we don't know them. Roy and Jamie and Keeley have been at the center of the show since the start and they have been growing towards it the whole time. they deserve something more than being happy together at a celebration. something concrete. something that acknowledges where they are with each other properly.

I'm elated that we weren't told no. I'm elated that Keeley didn't let them make her choose. I'm elated that they looked happy in the end. that they were close. that something that would have been several episodes of drama in season 1 was solved with "fuck we're stupid".

but I'm devastated that it's happened again. that the comfort of the cishet target audience was valued over the narrative value of their growth together. that it's entirely my decision what the ending means yet again. that even in a show that has been bold with it's queer representation, polyamory with actual narrative strength and value is a step too far. that i fell into the same trap I've been falling into since i was a little kid watching avatar. that i saw it coming and was still hit with the full force of it. and I'm so tired.

but i can't wait to get properly caught up. i know it will be a gut punch, but i still love every second with these three. and with everyone else. this show has taken me by surprise in so many ways

[trealamh]

I'm sorry if you've got these question before but I have to ask: what made Alisdair speak to Arthur in Glasgow Scale? Did Arthur and Dai have any other family? What life did Arthur leave behind in Kent, and was Alisdsir's life much changed afterwards?

I love how your short stories pack so much life into them, they can be unfolded ten times over and I still would want to know more

always ask anything you'd like! i love your questions. And aaaa thankyouthanyouthankyou for your kind words <3

hehe I have been wondering whether it would be too indulgent to write TGS from Alasdair's point of view, actually. It would be a longer piece and much more dialogue heavy, covering from the night they met to Arthur moving in.

(Here is where I confess that TGS was going to be a multi-chapter fic/ one of those 15k single-chapter fics until i got worried I would disappoint people by taking too long to update or missing scoteng week entirely orz sorry everyone)

But to answer your questions!

Alasdair, as i mentioned here had just been released from custody and made his way straight to the hospital (no time to rush home and hop in the shower when you're naw even sure your brother is still alive). He is still running high on adrenaline a when he goes to find a seat in the waiting room, having been dismissed by the nurses that won't let him into Sean's room. It may not show much on him, but emotionally he is all over the place; angry, furious, even, and worried. Exhausted and fed up with the proceedings of loss; the bureaucracy of pain. Having someone in hospital is one of the hardest things to go through; a lot of the time it is worse to be the one waiting outside than it is to be the one hooked onto an IV. Alasdair is burning for a smoke and out of filters but the truth is that the reason why he sits next to Arthur is that something in him recognises him as a younger brother-- Dai was older. Call it instinct. I don't believe he would rationalise it and I do think that at some point Arthur would ask him outright "Why did you choose to sit next to me that night? Why me?" Alasdair probably would not have the words o explain it beyond some vague sense that Arthur was the only person in that room that made sense to him in that moment.

Arthur and Dai only had each other, really. Maybe a distant relative here and there but no one close. I won't go into detail to spare anyone who might come across this without a cw but it is partly why Dai is almost meticulous with the instructions he leaves behind; he knows that Arthur won't have any support going forward so as much as he can he tries to make it easy.

(It is patently not. It could never be. Nothing about loss could ever be but losing someone under those circumstances especially is unmanageable.)

When Arthur calls Dai's workplace to try and let them know he is not coming in to work they seem a little baffled and tell him that Dai had put in his two weeks already. It makes Arthur nauseous; it almost brings him to his knees. It makes him realise how long Dai had been planning this for and that as much as the loss of him itself is worse than any nightmare.

Moving onto lighter things, what Arthur leaves behind in Kent is a slightly bemused flatmate and a few odd pieces of furniture. He only moves in with Alasdair after he finishes his degree! Dai and him grew up nestled deep in the Welsh borders (I needed them both to have a piece of their namesake countries with them! so the borders it was) lost their mother in their late teens, shortly after Arthur gets approved for his student loan. Some more deep lore for TGS: that the reason why Dai is studying in Edinburgh are the student fees. He is older than Arthur, as I mentioned, so went off to uni a year before he did with his mother's support. She was already sick when Arthur was finishing up school and gone before he got his A-levels back. That summer, Dai comes down from Scotland to help him back and move into his first-year accommodation in Kent and that is the last time they spend more than a couple of weeks together at a time. Everything they own between them and whatever their mum left is split even; they get a few boxes each and a couple of furnishings, and that's all they really need. Eventually, Arthur might start feeling that loss as well and he might feel nostalgic about his home town, the flat they shared with their mother, and he might return to seek out familiar sights. Dai never grows old enough for her loss to lose its sting. They have different fathers (both still living) but neither keep in touch; their wee family of three (and then two) was plenty enough for them.

(Alasdair, contrastingly, comes from a Big Family. They fold Arthur right in, don't ye worry.)

And last of all, Alasdair's life does change pretty significantly after the events in The Glasgow Scale. He stops smoking, for one, but he also starts drinking less. By the time we meet him in this AU he has already done a lot of the work to get a hold on his temper and it's partly why he is not one of the brawlers in the fight that puts Sean in a coma. But he still has a ways to go and Arthur helps with that, more than he knows. He learns to think about someone else's needs in a deeper way than he ever has before and starts to see his own actions through someone else's eyes. Alasdair post-TGS is guilt-ridden to a fault and being good to Arthur helps him get a grip of himself.

This is a bit of a spoiler but a few months after Dai's death, Arthur gets a call from one of his classmates. Dai left behind a few things (he was an artist, Dai was you see) and he offers to hold onto them until Arthur can travel back up to pick them up. Arthur mentions this to Alasdair, who he's kept in touch with (a little awkwardly at first ksks do not be fooled they are deeply emotionally constipated in this AU despite the way they latch onto each other in the midst of their respective trauma) and Alasdair offers to bring them down for him instead. He kinda just blurts it out actually haha and is afraid that it was too forward of him when Arthur takes too long to answer that aye, that would be good actually, if Alasdair is sure (he cannae afford a ticket up to Scotland is the truth).

This is a whole wee story in its own right but essentially they get to meet each other again, under better circumstances, and that lays a stronger foundation for their eventual relationship. It is also an incredibly awkward visit at first adgfjdhgj which oddly enough helps them get over a lot of personal hang-ups.

One thing about this fic though is that for as much as their lives are changed irrevocably by what they lose and earn that night, they are still very ordinary people hhh and that's what I love about them both.

[anthraxplus]

the cultural phenomenon of barbenheimer has taken over my mind

i did barbenheimer with a friend yesterday and it really got me thinking.

first off - it was so weird having my local theatre be so busy. it's usually the theatre you can bet on being able to sneak anything into, and while we still definitely did sneak in a buttload of snacks, they had people actively waiting in the wings as ticket checkers. so it kinda sucked that we couldn't just do the whole thing for free. but that's a bit beside the point. the theatre was the busiest ive seen it in nearly 10 years. and i'm not gonna lie, seeing a "cultural event" happen in front of me was more jarring for that reason. and as the day went on, that image in my head stuck with me. the image that all these people showed up to watch barbie and oppenheimer.

we saw oppenheimer first, in a nearly empty theatre. we sorta did this by design - we started at 10am and picked oppenheimer first because less people would choose to be that insane. i was high and trying to get myself into an impartial mindset (even though i didn't think i would end up liking it). and i think all i should really say about oppenheimer is that it's 3 nearly endless hours that doesnt give anyone any time to breathe and ends up saying a bunch of confusing, disappointing, and outright false things. seriously, the amount of times the movie brushes off the fucking truth of the situation is absolutely disgusting. obligatory linking of shaun's video on hiroshima and nagasaki. i think everyone in the movie should be forced to answer why theyre proud of making 3 hour bland ass shit boring nuclear bomb apologia. this isn't even getting into how the famous oppenheimer quote is introduced by a manic pixie dream girl (who in reality was a stanford graduate and psychiatrist, neither of which i believe are ever touched on or expanded in the film) who hops off his dick mid-fuck, walks over to a bookshelf, picks the bhagavad gita off the shelf, opens it to the exact page and verse of the famous quote, asks him to read, and slides back on his dick between "now i am become death" and "destroyer of worlds." this movie released to critical acclaim. some are calling it a masterpiece.

after some burritos for lunch, my friend and i went to barbie. this was a packed theatre and mostly everyone was wearing pink. the red in my hair has faded to a pink, so i felt like i was part of something. kinda. anyway. some little kids were loud in the front but it wasnt much of an issue. i kept thinking of them whenever the movie would say something about the struggle to find identity in a world that hates you no matter what you do. did those little children listen to margot robbie say that she doesnt have a vagina? did they parse that? it was a great movie, if a bit scattershot. it shouldve been longer, if only to fully flesh out a couple ideas and help the movie feel a little less cramped. but they would never make a 2.5 (let alone 3) hour barbie movie that talks about not just what it means to be a woman, but what it means to be human in a world that is so often contradictory hostile and praising of you. what happens when the Other we defined ourselves by isn't static? do we become different as well in relation to them? do we stay the same? do we do both? what are women supposed to do in the world when everything they do is wrong but they're never allowed to stop doing anything? how do men develop their own identity when they are so often raised into mindsets where their individuality is replaced by similarly contradictory standards and a definition that only exists in relation to women? what did ken mean when he said he had "all the genitals?" barbie is far from perfect, but it manages to ask more honest and thought provoking questions (and offers its own interesting answers) about the nature of reality than oppenheimer does.

i'm struck by the dichotomy on display here. barbie may be the more financially successful of the two films, but it is not treated the same critically. for all barbie says, it seems to get overlooked for its (still impressive) design and acting. its metacommentary is mentioned but never discussed. its "witty meta humor" is listed as a huge selling point. oppenheimer, in contrast, is a vain and shallow film that says nothing and looks somewhat cool doing it. i wonder if there are any parallels here.

i worry for what this means for movies. a nearly empty theatre for a self-important movie that lists itself as its reason for existing is treated as if it says anything at all, and a packed theatre for a movie with a script similarly packed with commentary on our very state of being gets boiled down to "cute sets and witty banter." what did the audience members take from their barbenheimer experience? my area is not very progressive, and in my experience not very invested in growth of any kind. when america ferrera delivers one of the many theses of barbie in a tear-inducing frustrated monologue on how she's never seen as good enough no matter what she does, did the audience members feel seen? did they feel understood? or did they want her to stop talking so they could go back to looking at the cool barbie dream houses? when oppenheimer breezes through the discussion of which innocent cities to burn in an unholy fire with all the tact and deliberation a group of friends has when deciding where to have lunch, did the audience feel slighted? disgusted? or did they just want to see einstein on screen again like he's an iron man cameo?

i dont know where we go from here. it feels like a tipping point for what we want from movies, and i'm not sure audiences learned anything from the past 10 to 15 years of set-ups, tie-ins, and spin-offs. i want to believe something will come of the fact that so many people are seeing barbie. maybe, hopefully, something in it sticks with people and inspires some sort of change. just the smallest amount of evolution. right now i too feel like barbie when she sits in a park and looks around at everything the human experience has to offer, and starts crying from both joy and sorrow. a woman who is so often seen as disposable and empty understands the human condition in a way she cant express, and is overwhelmed by the crushing beauty and fragility it all rests upon. she is a human before she knows she is. she doesnt know who she is, but she knows she still Is. existence is confusing and no one knows what to do about it, and the least we could do is support each other as we figure out who we've always been. i hope this is what sticks with people instead of some half-audible dialogue about how hiroshima and nagasaki were justified. time will tell, though.

[evangelifloss]

one piece

(Send me an anime and I'll tell you why it sucks)

You really went there huh, asking me about One Piece when the fans are completely fuckin rabid... thank you for the opportunity.

Ironically, I am a HUGE fan of media pirates. I LOVE pirate centred franchises/shows/movies, and you can bet that I have huge brainrot over the first 3 pirates of the carribean movies (anything after that is terrible and I don't consider canon). I even have a period accurate, hand made pirate get up I use to go to festivals... so why don't I like One Piece? By all accounts it should be my no.1 anime but well, let's get into it.

One Piece sucks for a multitude of reasons and while yes, the main known problem is the art regarding the women characters and I am on this team, I also have other opinions on why I won't ever continue the anime. To sum this first gripe up: WHY THE FUCK DO MALE CHARACTERS GET KICKASS CRAZY DESIGNS OF ALL SHAPES WHEN EVERY WOMAN CONSISTS OF : Pretty face, massive honkers, zero stomach, big hips, and long legs.

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE BIG MAMA'S FOR FUCKS SAKE. Also why did the only uniquely designed female villain involve her making babies... like c'mon. Do we always have to add reproducing as a major plot/character defining trait for a woman?

With that said, onto the other issues.

For starters, it's completely inaccessible for the new fan. Unless you started watching when it was only 200 episodes long, which generally speaking, is already a commitment to some, as of right now you cannot expect someone to want to watch a series that has over 900 episodes that is still ONGOING. For a newbie, this is not only daunting, but it isolates them from engagement with the community. EVERYTHING is spoiler-town, and blacklisting one piece spoiler tags won't work because what is a spoiler for the newcomer, is old news to the fans. It is incredibly lonely to be unable to engage with the community because of how far behind one is. A huge character death related to Luffy regarding someone whose name starts with A is so well known now that I found a t-shirt with the panels of said death smack bang on display. For me, that was a MASSIVE spoiler... and i couldnt be angry because it happened a long time ago.

Now, I don't mind long animes, and a pirate anime with an obscene amount of eps should be a dream come true, but with the age of the series and length, ive been indirectly spoiled so much that i pretty much know all the important bits anyway, and with that onto my next gripe.

Anime isn't accessible any more because streaming has become incredibly regulated. I live in Australia, so my choices are already limited and I can't pirate the old animes due to every site being nuked. Do I support pirating anime? Not really, it's not my go-to but I don't have access to even trying out a "classic" any more. Luckily with one-piece, it's popular so it is available on a legal, paid subscription service. With that said, I'm not the wealthiest so for me, I can't afford to have a subscription. Ergo, I can't even watch one piece if I wanted to.

Which leads to the alternative: read the manga. Now this is possible, I can in fact do this and I have! I read pretty far and enjoyed myself but... I got bored. Nami's fish people story, Sky arc, alabasta, now those were bangers. Everything else was meh enough where I legitimately don't remember anything other than those three arcs. I don't expect every manga to have phenomenal arcs the entire time, but since one piece drags the hell on (anime more guilty of this) none of the other story arcs spoke to me. There was a formula to the story and it got repetitive. Frankly, I quit because I was bored.

With a 900+ ep anime following an even longer manga, whose entire narrative is based on finding the One Piece, no matter what the One Piece is, it will be massively disappointing. All this build up, mystery and hype regarding on what the treasure actually is cannot be resolved in a manner that fans will find satisfying. I can guarantee you that if the One Piece is the "friendship we made along the way" type deal, the fans will probably lynch Oda. If the One Piece is an actual treasure, which, compared to the intensity of the series as a whole, the fans will also probably riot. Basically since the whole story is so long and the mystery of the One Piece is over 20 years old, no matter what the treasure actually is, it cannot live up to the expectations anymore.

Also as far as I'm aware, there's no queer rep. I can forgive alot of it due to the fact One Piece started in 1997, but it's 2023 now and with the sheer volume of characters, world, countries, lore, I find it strange that everyone featured is GENERALLY ambiguous with an obvious leaning towards hetero. Do I want zoro and luffy to become gay? No! That's not what I'm saying. Do I want romance to be in this series? No. Not as a focal point. Do I think that there should be some diversity in the world the straw hats explore? Yes, absolutely. It's incredibly weird to me that with the massive universe of one piece, there isn't a single canon presence of queerness.

And don't get me started on early one piece racist caricatures. Again, started in 1997, not exactly a progressive time especially not in Japan. It is however, still a problem to me.

Also I miss Nami and Zoro's melanin.

[caitlinincolour]

mmm time to infodump/rant my feeling about shadow and bone season two because ive just finished it!!!

why THE FUCK are Crooked Kingdom plot points happening this early in the show?? it makes no sense and it feels like they're not expecting to be renewed so they're rushing all the big character development and plot point things early

im just so upset and confused about the timeline it hurts my head ;-;

Alina's hair didn't turn white and also she's got shadow powers? tf?? i don't remember the ending of the shadow and bone series very well but doesn't she and Mal go live on a farm together quietly? when did Alina get so power hungry??

dont get me wrong I do love the mashup of the sab characters and the soc characters but they easily could have done that better without screwing up the soc and ck plots so badly

THEY KILLED OFF DAVID??? WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM BEING IN THE TRIUMVIRATE!?? poor genya doesn't get a break istg

I love Tolya and Tamar 1000/10 but if they start the Toyla x Inej bullshit I'm canceling my netflix subscription

I saw someone else make a meme about how Inej and Jesper's trauma gets 0 attention compared to Kaz's and it makes me sad because it doesn't give them the same amount of depth Kaz has been given

I LOVED getting to see more of the world with Shu Han and Novyi Zem this season!!

WE GOT ALL THE WESPER THAT WE COULD HAVE EVER WANTED THAT THE BOOKS LACKED (probably the only thing I'd want to change about the books)

also because they rushed all the crooked kingdom plot things AND the crows got paid so so much by Nikolai (who's country is supposed to be broke right?) that means the stakes for the ice court heist are not going to be as high or as meaningful- you're telling me Kaz is going to risk his life and crew to better the world and get rid of jurda parem? this man is only motivated by money and he got so much of it from Nikolai why would he risk so much for more?

I wish we got more of Zoya being badass but she felt more like a side character this season :/ they better give her the spotlight in season three

I want to be clear im not pro or anti Darkling bc he's a complex character with a lot of faults but also many good points especially with saving Grisha for years- which everyone seems to look over and just paint him as a bad guys when there are worse powers: jurda parem and the druskelle

INEJ WAS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE AND FLAWLESS NO NOTES (other than what was the purpose of the weird taxidermy guy fight?)

I was never a big fan of Mal x Alina when reading the books but the ending they got in season two even made me disappointed like? they spend the whole damn show obsessed with finding each other and doing everything for each other just to walk away???

also in the books Nina is Ravkan and loves her country and the grisha so i thought there would be more of a big deal made when Nina finally gets to return to her home country in s2 but its not even addressed??

I know this sounds like a lot of complaining but overall I absolutely LOVE the show!! Especially the casting! everyone is perfect and bring the characters to life excellently! I think they've overall done a wonderful job (especially with my beloved crows)

if I think of any more I'll add them! tell me your thoughts too!

[herhours]

im fine but sometimes i look at my wrist and how big the vertical vein underneath it is. i guess this is my paradox, being fine but also looking at that vein a lot. i will take looking over any related action in that realm, though.

my ability to tolerate negative affect is not the same, because there is more of it and because ive had to cope with there being more of it- without truly having any ways that diminish it. nothing is going to change until something changes with that. i am really working the same or really harder than i ever have before, only now i don't have any of the things that used to bring my life pleasure anymore. in the past i worked hard, sure, but i had a lot of other things that balanced it out. now i am just putting in all that same effort with no relief.

i took myself out to dinner last night and think it cost like over 50 bucks. i literally just had an entree and one drink. (and it wasnt even a fancy entree. these are just the prices these days. it was blackened trout with a little side salad on top. it was pretty good though and i couldnt finish the whole thing, lol.) i figured out a few months ago i have to just start spending money so that there is at least something in my life to do or that changes. i am going to have to start going out a lot, even though it costs too much money. i cant fathom or stomach trying to meet new people anymore because trying to foster relationships at this point in my life has been so profoundly fucking disappointing.

it feels very odd. i used to love meeting new people for no other reason than it was interesting to learn anything about a completely new person. now my perception just feels like this person is not going to help me or bring anything positive in my life and is going to do something to damage me. i dont think that of humanity. but it feels like the personal risk of engaging with someone is not going to bring any benefit because people suck so fucking much, or they cant grasp that i dont suck. overall i cannot put myself in a position to prove to anyone anymore that i do not deserve to be treated like shit, that i need to be valued for the fucking person that i am. i cannot make anyone understand that it shouldnt be so hard to just like or appreciate me. im tired of the idea that i cant have any flaws or i am so intolerable that unless i am somehow providing only constant positive emotions i'm too much to deal with. there are people that i've genuinely showed my ass with. whenever i meet anyone now it feels like they aren't willing to deal with me just being a normal person. and i don't care what it says or means, given the average person i am not willing to consider that i am so flawed that i deserve so much dismissiveness - particularly when i am patient with others' flaws. i understand this is bordering on negative other even though i dont think people are bad - which is why it feels so odd. if i dont think people are bad, why wouldnt i have an optimistic view of meeting new people?

oh well, at least the depression has me thinner than ive been in years. i'm going to start shopping again, i guess. wearing clothes is fun again.

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 4:19 pm "baby im getting on a plane in a minute i wanted to say bye and i love you..." its funny the way being young exaggerates everything. when we fall in love or fall apart its all magnified. ive been waiting on a change. ive been waiting for you to not give up on me. i should have bet against myself and thrown the game. its always the same. the same people that are not me with the strange coastal breeze and the strange coastal boys. the truth is even funnier. its slippery. it looks different at 1am than it does at 10am. it looks different two weeks later. you know what the fuck i am talking about. its always new names and numbers. but its the same. and i am dirty, forgetful, lonely, arrogant, stubborn, secretive, and many other things i hear in whispers. but my heart is fucking in it. you could set your watch by it. and that has been thrown out and trashed. lied to. ignored. run away from. i have the opposite of midas' touch.

no matter how you spin it- it hurts. words cannot explain- congratulations! you did it again.

but being in the bitter boys club just keeps the cycle spinning. so this is me walking away. this is the closure i needed. or close to it.

i want to be in love again. she is the start of it- she reminds me of sweet child o'mine and staying up all night talking and the truth and winks that are just for me.

there are no futures here. there are no more second chances or arkansas- or wrong text messages. 'the girl i loved never really existed at all'...

this journal doesn't really make sense anymore. the purpose i started it for is out the window and out of my mind. this will be the last entry in here. its gonna be okay.

"its not that id die for you, its that i already have."

next time try telling the truth.

Current Music: "wish you were here" pink floyd Saturday, March 4th, 2006 3:15 pm i know its true because i read it on the internet and everything on the internet is true i am sick in new york city. watching top model. i loved the secret show at knitting factory. its like someone hit the rewind button on my life. perfect. i am in love with my band at times like this. they get me, i get them. words fail me right now. my head gets to me sometimes. congratulations. you hurt my feelings. yep. thats right. ive got feelings (barely hehe). threw up right before we went on and fell asleep right when we got off. down with a sickness. natalie portman thinks we are geeks. i think she is right. time to eat grilled cheese and tomato.

santino > pete wentz.

for realz. Thursday, February 23rd, 2006 1:50 am "just like in the 1 9 9 9- before model chicks were bending over..." its late. i cant sleep. when i have noone to turn to, i usually turn to the words. right now the words disappoint me. just like everything else. i always said that when this stopped being fun and cathartic that i would walk away. it seems as though this time is quickly approaching. i tired of the endless explanations as you tire of the excuses. nothing is ever good enough on either end. i have not changed the way i think or feel any more than anyone has. i am ordinary- i am just some boy. be careful what you wish for pete.

i will write more here only tommorrow. hopefully the sunlight will change how i look at things. its funny i think that our video contains some predictions of the spirit of where we are now. if this doesn't get better then...

im sorry. i am not equipped for this.

goodnight moon. Sunday, February 19th, 2006 11:34 pm we put the f.u. back in fun so ive been reading many peoples diatribes lately. about what punk rock is and how bullshit this whole scene is. about how we all need to fuck off and die. well the truth is youre so fucking brave and i am so fucking cliche. i am okay with that. but i believe in these songs and these eyes and these sweated out rooms. the words your write hurt my eyes and my back is sore from being hunched over the screen all night. you cheapen what i do by casually throwing barbed statements at my friends and fans. leave. we don't fucking need you. we dont care what you think about us. we dont need to sit in clubs and watch you excuse yourself to the bathroom every 20 minutes, just cause we know how it goes. we dont need to watch you onstage. the best songs sing themselves. ive said it since day one. this is my rushmore. this saved me. fuck you for trying to ruin it.

new songs are my middle finger back to you. im sorry youre gonna have to wait awhile to hear yourself called out through the speakers.

i love the way they always ask to see my room key when i walk into my hotel at night. like i do not belong. because i do not belong. i love opposition. i love the haters. i love mondays. i love accidents. i love "no more chances". i love walking through this city at night where i do not know anyone. because i do not know anyone. i love secret shows. i love coded messages. i love the way you have me figured out so much better than i have myself figured out.

xo

peterabbit Wednesday, February 8th, 2006 5:04 am so you want the truth been living just outside of okay for awhile now. but its changing. whatever story you heard about me is not true. im pretty sure im not gonna bring home a grammy tommorrow. but i will have lots of good pictures. how i am feeling about someone is always changing. except i am allowed to be happy inside my head right now. ive been scared of everything for far too long. i haven't let myself be alright. but ive done alot of thinking on the 12 hour flight here. i just like being around certain people. new friends make my heart flutter. old ones make me feel homesick. been going to grammy parties all week. yeah im that guy in the corner lurking hard. its kinda creepy. ive been training the last month for our video- however i think i may have sprained or fractured my foot in the last day. if this thing turns out the way it is supposed to- it will be the most epic thing fall out boy has ever done. i dont miss you but i do miss the idea of you. i went and looked at houses out in california again today- i want to get a dog and a backyard. maybe not just yet. but maybe. my clock is ticking on your pretty face. my dad got drunk tonight and talked shit to all of my friends. pretty amazing. i wish i had it on video. total release the bats two material. i want to do a tv show like the wonder years starring fall out boy. i don't think any networks would be too interested. dont call it a comeback.

put pennies on my eyes when i die.

you are new moons and fresh sheets and the end of that one dream.

love the fancy kid.