#like logan is first and then you have logan and remus being the weirdest dynamic duo ever

[coconut-cluster]

me: write a story. you haven’t written a story, an actual, prose story in a month. write an actual goddang story for the love of god

also me, thinking of a new plot without writing a single word of it down: ohoho but what if, hear me out, WHAT IF, i did not 

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing?  (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue. 

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue. 

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton. 

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k. 

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too. 

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020. 

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst. 

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly. 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action  slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another  caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa. 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!  slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

[hydra-collector]

Whole: Chapter Two

AO3

Fic Page (all chapters listed here)

Second Fic in the Series

Chapters Finished: 6/6

Ship: Intrulogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders

TW: yelling? panic attacks

Words: 1,392

Summary: Logan still has some bad associations.

They had, indeed, ended up as friends. Things were different than they originally were, for a while (for example, the flirting had seemed to be confined to their first meeting), but they’d somehow settled into the closet dynamic, more or less. It was odd, Logan realized, having such a nearly romantic relationship be… platonic.

He wasn’t mad about it, though. It was comfortable, talking to him. Nothing was weird when they were hanging out. They talked freely about intestines, the deep sea, the weirdest things you could find on the internet, art, sometimes, the best forms of explosions, the most efficient ways of murder… anything. Yet it was all still mixed in with something neither of them could quite understand.

Neither of them were quite sure what their relationship was.

But Remus had been able to pull Logan out of his shell. He still restrained himself from talking above a medium volume, but no one he knew really expected any different.

And one of the things that they discovered they loved was arguing.

Not in an aggressive way, but rather in a debate fashion, but less structured. They loved arguing about all the things you could do with science, even the ethics of it, sometimes. And a few times they’d started arguing about more trivial topics, such as ‘is slime completely gross or can it be helpful sometimes?’ They’d eventually decided, with Remus’s obsession with it, that despite it being a weird trend at one point, it can be used for… interesting pranks. He felt more alive when he was around Remus, more complete.

“Excuse me, Logan, but that ‘weird internet slang’ is incredibly useful for saying stuff in different ways, especially when normal words would be too serious for a situation.”

Remus sat cross-legged on the floor of Logan’s bedroom as his friend collected his phone and joined him.

“I have to disagree. Is alienating thousands of people ‘useful?’ I can get acronyms, but once they become something completely unrelated to what the acronym says it should be I don’t know what to think. With any of these slang terms, we have to acquire meanings from their most-used contexts, and that simply isn’t efficient when you’re trying to learn new words.”

“What do you do when you look stuff up in a dictionary? It gives you sample sentences.”

“But phrases such as ‘wig,’ and ‘slap,’ they don’t follow the normal rules of what I assume they should be. I still don’t fully understand what they mean, and as you’ve seen with my attempts at using flash cards, the definition and example alone doesn’t always help. You need repeated context, and again, it’s not efficient.”

“You learn it, that’s the point! And I know you’re good at learning, you just need to immerse yourself more.”

“That’s my point, though! Language was created to be understandable by a large group of people, and when you restrict that group to a generation, not everyone has access to information about the language! Not to mention many of the phrases don’t make any sense, especially the... what are they called? VSCO girl ones? They’re just- dumb sometimes! Sure use whatever words you like, but how are you supposed to nearly guess what ‘and I oop’ even means?!”

“‘And I oop’ is an ingenious term!”

“FALSEHOOD!”

He clapped a hand over his mouth, horrified with what he’d just done. He scrunched himself up against the wall, hugging his stomach. He couldn’t breathe anymore. He’d fucked up. He’d managed so long and now he was going to start hurting people again, and Remus of all people. Remus, who cared, who tried to help, he couldn’t lose his best friend. Tears filled his eyes, and he pressed in on them, hoping that would make it go away. But he couldn’t talk, he shouldn’t be able to talk.

And it hurt. 

Like it used to.

He wanted to scream so badly, but it was so awful, he’d gotten a taste of letting those feelings free, for a moment, but it wasn’t-

It wasn’t anger. It was joy. He’d spent a moment simply reveling in joy. They were arguing, but grinning at each other, happy just to talk, whether it was debate-like or not.

But it was loud. And it was mean, and it was scary. He’d scared so many people in his life, and now he was scaring Remus, the one person he’d felt comfortable in all those feelings with. The one person he was desperate to love him, and he needed him, someone like him, and he’d driven him away and he was alone again, alone forever, he would never, ever get a boyfriend, or keep his friends, or have anyo-

“Please, Logan, it’s okay, please, you didn’t do anything wrong, just look at me, you’ll be okay.”

Remus’s hand brushed his arm and he flinched away, curling into a little ball on the floor. He wanted to lean back into his arms, to hear that it’s going to be okay in a quiet whisper. But it wasn’t.

“If you don’t want me to touch you, that’s fine. Do you want to do the breathing technique? Logan, please say something.”

He couldn’t manage anything but a whimper, trying to follow along with Remus’s numbers, but he held for too long, he couldn’t breathe-

“Logan, exhale, please, exhale,” he said, probably with concern in his eyes, but Logan’s were shut tight, and he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t know how it was so easy most of the time, it seemed like the most goddamn difficult thing.

“Exhale, I need you to...”

The voice faded out, all that was left was Logan and his mind. His throat, it hurt, it had been so loud, Remus was so loud, he needed it to stop hurting, he needed to be silent, he needed something, he needed someone, he needed Remu-

“LOGAN, BREATHE!”

He could see now, he was crying. His hands were pressed up against his chest, and his breath was still caught. It didn’t help that Remus’s presence made his heart skip a beat, even in the midst of all this. His friend was crying, a miserable expression on his face. He knew he’d hurt him, he tried to breathe but the air refused to go anywhere but in. He felt like he was going to pass out-

“Don’t make me- don’t make me do fucking CPR or something just so you’ll fucking exhale. You need, you need to say something if you won’t- won’t fucking breathe. I need you t- please, you have to breathe.”

“Re-”

“Remus-”

“Remus, Re-”

He said it over and over, again and again until he needed to inhale again. Remus’s eyes filled with bigger tears, and he collapsed into Logan’s chest. Sobs echoed against his body, and he could barely move, beginning to cry himself.

“Lo- what just happened? Did I do something? God, that, you scared me-”

He drew in another sharp breath, pulling away from Remus, trying to escape his grasp. His legs began to fidget again, he needed to hurt himself to stop this. He was awful, scary, miserable, and he hurt people and Remus would never stay, no one wanted to stay-

But Remus held on tight.

He didn’t leave, instead he just held tighter. Logan steadied his breaths for him, just for him, shaking in his arms but grateful, so grateful for the comfort.

“What happened?”

“I- I yelled at you.”

“...Your falsehood?”

He nodded into Remus’s shoulder, the other boy leaning back to look at him.

“You… you weren’t even angry.”

“I can’t- I shouldn’t yell.”

“Why? It’s not like anyone cares how loud we are. And I yell, you don’t mind that.”

“It’s… it’s because…”

“It’s because every time I’ve yelled, someone gets hurt. It happened this time, you said you were scared, but I can’t let anyone be scared of me, especially not you because I-”

“You help me. I… don’t know if I would’ve been able to calm down if you weren’t here.”

“...You don’t hurt me, Logan. You’re hurting.”

Remus leaned forward, nestling his chin on Logan’s shoulder. His face grew warm as he realized it was being squished up against his friend’s. His arms were still shaky as he gripped Remus’s torso back.

“And I don’t want you to ever have to feel like that again.”