#like lady at least check it’s not all the other shit before saying Maybe It’s Just Psychological

[wordstome]

COD Men as Dream Daddy DILFs

Call of Duty single dads x gn!single parent reader

⤐Characters: 141 + König + Horangi + Keegan

⤐Premise: You just moved into a neighborhood with a high population of retired military personnel.

*glances at my 3-4 wips* let's talk about some dilfs, shall we? ...Don't look at me. I had a vision. (No relation to the actual characters from Dream Daddy, just a similar premise) Also a disclaimer: I'm writing these dads mostly in their late 30s to 40s, but don't think about their ages and the ages of their kids too much. This is all vibes. And sorry ahead of time if I gave one of the kids the same name as you 💀 Feel free to imagine the kid has a different name because the names really don't matter

p.s. I wanted to write more characters but I had to reel myself in. I could be persuaded to write a part 2 with Vaqueros, Nikolai, Valeria, Nikto, and other Ghosts tbh

Warning: this shit is LENGTHY. Strap yourself in.

Price: A post about DILFs and you expect me not to start with Captain John Price? Price is the lynchpin of this cul de sac. He's the one inviting everyone over to the barbecue, tries to get the dads to get along, and gives everyone advice. He has the quintessential dad energy. He 100% slaps his knees and says "well!" when he gets up. Price also has major girl dad energy. He's got three adorable little ladies, aged 3 (Clara), 9 (Brianna), and 11 (Alice). Yes, he did name his daughters in ABC order, I can see him doing that. Oh, he dotes on his girls, and they love their dad endlessly. He's the model father: recitals, sports, parent teacher conferences, you name it, he's there.

That's how the two of you meet: he comes up to you at one of the aforementioned events and gives you a firm handshake and apologizes profusely for not coming around to introduce himself earlier. It's not like him not to at least swing by, and he hopes you can forgive him the discourtesy. He hands you his number and says anything you need, just give him a call, or maybe swing by for a beer sometime. He gives you a wink that makes your knees weak, a wink that says he definitely noticed you checking out his muscled arms and broad shoulders. Maybe you will swing by for that beer sometime—and maybe get a little more than just a drink.

Ghost: I could see Simon having a one night stand kid. He certainly never saw himself starting a family after he lost his last one, but he was stressed and probably piss drunk as well. Years and years later, he's back from deployment and finds a social worker with a boy on his doorstep, and the rest is history. I love the idea of Simon with a moody 16 year old, but I actually see Simon and his son having the same dynamic as Mike and Abby Schmidt from the FNAF movie. Since Simon wasn't around for Caden's early childhood, they have a relationship that's undeniably father and son, but leaning towards casual and sibling-like. Simon's figuring his shit out, dealing with his PTSD and the various lasting health issues his time in special forces has left him with, and Caden's a quiet, sensitive 10 year old boy who thinks the world of his dad.

You meet Simon at the local bar. His Ghost days are long behind him, but the balaclava's a hard habit to kick. Besides, he doesn't need people staring at his scars. He's usually there with the 141, but today he's alone, and looks like he could use some company. You sit up at the bar close to him and order a drink, but you don't disturb him, and he visibly relaxes when he realizes you're not going to try to make small talk. It becomes a routine, the two of you: always sharing a quiet drink together at the bar, and then both of you wordlessly go home to your kids. You have a sort of silent conversation every time: Good to see you again. Yeah, you too. Neither of you actually speak a word to the other until Price introduces you to him at a gathering, and you finally hear his voice. "We've met before," he says, with a glint in his eye that suggests perhaps he'd like to be more than just a silent drinking buddy. That's fine with you: you're dying to see what's under the mask and dark hoodie.

Soap: JOCK ALERT. Johnny's basically Craig from Dream Daddy: total dreamboat who goes on runs around the neighborhood and gets all the appreciative looks from the local moms. He thrives on the attention in a way that definitely makes the 141 roll their eyes. He's got an older little girl named Elodie, and a lil baby boy Thomas that he takes everywhere with him. Obviously he's just being a responsible parent taking care of an infant, but secretly, Thomas is a great conversation starter with aforementioned local moms.

Conversely however, it's Johnny who makes the move on you first. Maybe in the grocery store, maybe at one of Price's get-togethers. Sidles up to you and introduces himself with a look in his eye that means trouble. Only the good kind of trouble, of course. If you reciprocate and he finds out you're single, you're not getting rid of him. But why would you want to, anyway? He's endlessly charming, attentive, and good with his hands. When he's fixing a leaky tap for you, of course—what did you think I meant?

Gaz: Kyle "Gaz" Garrick is a fucking heartthrob. I'm saying it right here, right now. He's a walks in with flowers, makes you dinner kind of partner. Also househusband vibes, because, surprise: Kyle is still married. This isn't a Joseph (Dream Daddy) situation, though: he and his wife, Emily, have known each other for a long time, a very high school sweethearts situation. Over the years, though, they drifted apart with Kyle in the military, and Emily eventually realized she's not actually into men. They're still married for coparenting purposes: they've got an older teenage girl named Violet, and a younger boy named Elliott. (Yes, I'm naming him after Elliot Knight, sue me.)

Honestly, I think it would be HILARIOUS if you met Kyle on a dating app and realized he's your next-door neighbor. But however you guys meet, Kyle is an old-school courter kind of guy. He is taking you on dinner dates, listening to you rant about your day, and is on your doorstep in a heartbeat when you call him in a panic because your kid's running a 105 fever (41 in Celsius) and you need a ride to the emergency room. (Not that the other dads wouldn't do the same, but I'm trying to convey "most reliable man in the world" vibes here.)

König: Y'all...you don't know how much fucken time I've spent thinking about this man as a dad. He's in the same boat as Ghost where he never saw himself living long enough to start a family, but here he is with the most precious little girl you've ever laid eyes on. Ava's got her father's curly hair and big green eyes, and she has her dad wrapped around her pinky finger. For König, Ava is living proof that he's capable of being more than just a tool for violence.

You meet König through Ava, of course. Your kids are the closest of friends, and the two of them are constantly going over to each other's houses. You're obviously delighted that your kid is making new friends and fitting in so well, but you'd be lying if your heart didn't skip a beat whenever you open your door to see Ava's six foot ten dad standing there with soft eyes and a sheepish smile. I have to stop here, because I've already written an extra paragraph for this man that I've cut out and pasted for safekeeping in my notes app, and if encouraged I will write more. (Please encourage me.)

Horangi: I know we already had a sort of Robert (Dream Daddy) figure with Ghost, but I think Horangi is a dad whose kid is an adult, much like Robert and Val. I also think that out of all the dads, Horangi is likely the one who's still doing some level of military work. Either that, or he has a very demanding job that takes up a lot of his time. He's ashamed of the way he let his gambling affect his family in the past, and is making up for it by being responsible and keeping his finances in order.

You don't meet him until you've lived in the neighborhood for quite a while, but he pops up at a gathering, talking quietly with König in a corner. You'd thought you had met every neighbor in the cul de sac, so you're intrigued by the newcomer. Someone, probably Price, tells you what Hong-jin's deal is, and ever since that you just can't keep your eyes off of him. You can't quite work up the nerve to talk to him, so you occupy yourself talking with the other parents. Some time later, you're at the food table grazing on the snacks when you look up and make eye contact with him. There's something intense in his gaze that makes you freeze, like a deer in headlights. He's definitely checking you out, you think. Your chest erupts into nervous butterflies when he starts walking towards you.

Keegan: Keegan is an adoptive father! I love his dynamic with the Walker boys, so I can see him being the kind of guy who adopts an older teenager so they have a home and a family instead of aging out of the system. Jason and Cecelia are high school age siblings who would have been separated otherwise, and consider Keegan their dad in every way that's important.

I think you and Keegan are definitely rivals in some way. Maybe it's a PTO thing, maybe he gets a little too boisterous at your kids' sports game. Whatever it is, you can't stand the man, but your annoyance whenever he's around only seems to amuse him. You have no problem saying to his face exactly what you think about him, but unfortunately, Keegan can see right through you. And hey, Cecelia could use some experience as a babysitter, so you won't have to worry about spending the night over at his place, will you?

As always, I wanna hear peoples' thoughts and feedback! If you want to hear more about these dads, drop me an ask <3

[oddballwriter]

Triplets?!

Summary: A dumb thought I had and decided to write. 

Warnings: There isn't anything that I can think of other than just a misunderstanding that leads to something funny 

Author’s Snip: This was just a silly little post that I had come to mind when I heard the one MBMbam clip where its a person talking about how they call their male friends their "boys" and a drive thru worker thinks that the person is a parent, also a little bit of Reba McEntire's I'm a Survivor "A single mom who works two jobs who loves her kids and never stops" meme. This whole thing is kind of just a writing shit post.

Notes: This isn't proof read 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

It was an inside joke. With yourself.

As a joke you would call your Marc, Steven, and Jake your triplets even though they were your boyfriends. It was kind of like when a mom says "I have two children, three if you want to include my husband.". It wasn't meant to be mean. It was just a light hearted joke since they can sometimes be everywhere and your sense of domestically can be hectic.

Speaking of domestic things, you were currently grocery shopping but line was painfully long and slow for whatever reason. It wasn't all bad though. There was this nice lady named Cathy behind you, and you two had started having a full conversation after she made small talk about how long the line was. She was an older woman, maybe in her mid to late forties. You had offered to switch spots in line since she had more in her cart than you but she said she didn't mind and that you should be quicker either way. You could tell she was a mom just by the looks of her and how she was acting. She wasn't exactly mothering you but she was talking like how most moms talk to younger people compared to her.

Your conversations topic had just changed to something else when your phone rang. It was Steven.

"Oh, one of my triplets." you mumble under your voice before answering. The call wasn't much. He just called to ask if everything's alright since you've been out for longer than you said you would and some other things before you ended the call with an "I love you, bye.".

"Wow. Three of them? Huh?" Cathy smiled. You looked at her confused for a moment before realizing that she might have heard your mumble.

"That must be chaos." she said. "I have issues wrangling my kids and they're all different ages!" she adds with a laugh. You just nod along, but she still goes on with the new subject.

"How old are they?" Cathy asked, to which you respond with "Thirteen." since that seemed like a reasonable age for a 'kid' to have a phone. "Oh my gosh! Three of them and they're teenagers?" she pitied. "At such a young age like you too. Sweetheart, you deserve a metal." Cathy praised. "It's not that bad." you say as you try and go along with this accidental act you placed on yourself, "Only one of them is a troublemaker. The other two... well they stay inside at least." you joke, mostly for yourself.

Cathy had actually become very chatty and mostly took up the subject. She talked about how her eldest, Kimberly, was sixteen and that she was starting to talk to boys and stay out. Her second eldest, Noah, was starting to have an attitude with her. The middle, Jackie, was having issues in getting along in the classroom and during recess. And her toddler, Marie, was leaning manners and "That's going as good as you think it is." as Cathy put it.

You wanted to stop her so that you could leave but she was just so nice, and sounded like she needed to vent out some stress, so you let her go on while the casher checked out both you and her carts. Cathy did give you the note that her husband was also involved in the kids too but since she's a stay at home she was the frontline.

You felt a bit sad when you had to leave and head home. You didn't know if you'd meet Cathy ever again but you already missed her and said your goodbyes to her, with her of course saying "And best of luck with your triplets.".

When you got home Steven was there to help take in the bags but at a certain point when you locked eyes and laughed he asked what was up.

"There's a forty-something year old woman named Cathy somewhere in town and she thinks I'm a parent with teenage triplets." you confess.

[judysxnd]

“It’s not because you can that you have to”

I know it’s not one of the requests I got, but this is my mood today. I’m feeling awful, and all the requests I have don’t correspond to those feelings. I’m on it, don’t worry, but for today, this is it. This is really how I feel.

——————————————————————————————

Today wasn’t a good day. You woke up around 9:15am, feeling pretty bad. You didn’t feel getting up, so you stayed in bed, eventually falling asleep again. When you woke up again, it was 10:40am. You felt the same. You kind of hoped sleeping more would make you feel better, but it didn’t. You managed to get of off bed, heading to kitchen to drink something.

You hated those days. They were inevitable, and as much as they happened, you never knew what to do in those moments. Your period was probably coming in a few days, which meant your hormones were on the roof. You felt sad, panicking about the tiniest little thing, felt alone, disappointed about yourself. So many bad feelings happening at the same time. It was overwhelming, and there was nothing you could do about it.

After drinking a glass of fruit juice, you took your phone and settled on the couch. You went straight to TikTok, sometimes going on Instagram. You did that for a few hours, not noticing it was now 2pm. You already felt exhausted and out of energy, and apparently you weren’t hungry. You still decided to eat something, maybe it will give you some energy.

You got up, went to the fridge. Staying in front of the fridge wide opened, you stared at every piece of food that you seeing. Nothing was appealing. You didn’t want to eat anything salty, but sugar was envious either. Your eyes fell on a cake, that you and Pedro got two days ago, craving some. It felt good enough, so you took a small piece. At the same moment, your phone rang. You saw on the screen that it was Pedro.

“Hi” you said, closing the fridge, holding your plate on the other hand

“Hey mama. How are you doing?” The nickname put a little smile on your face. You didn’t get to see him this morning. He left for work around 8am, and you woke up way later. He probably did kiss you before leaving, but you didn’t remember it.

“I’m alright, how about you? Are you having fun on set?”

“Yeah yeah, we’re pretty busy, but I had a break and I wanted to check up on my pretty lady” you smiled again

“Aww” you said, putting a hand to your chest

“Also, I got asked to go to a dinner tonight with all the cast and crew, and I wanted to ask if you wanted to join us?” You felt a sudden knot in your chest. You weren’t feeling good today. Socializing was definitely off the table, it would only make you stress more. But how to say no to Pedro? He sounds very excited.

“Hum, I’m not really in the mood to go out today, I’m sorry. But don’t mind me, go to dinner, I’ll see you after, I’m not going anywhere” there was a brief moment of silence

“Are you sure? You okay? You have a small voice”

“Yeah yeah, told you I’m not really in the mood, I’m just tired” before Pedro could answer, you heard a woman calling for him that they were filming in 5.

“Shit, I have to go”

“It’s okay P, go to this dinner, I’ll see you after okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure” you said, playing with you plate that was on the counter. “Okay now go back to work, I love you”

“I love you too” and you hang up. You felt guilty and relieved at the same time. Those feelings were really stopping you from having.. just a life. Pedro was helping you a lot. He understood what you were feeling, but sometimes it was better not telling him. You were already struggling with it, it didn’t have to be the same for him, not always at least.

You decided to go back on bed, taking your computer and putting a movie, one of your favorite ones. Watching one of your favorite movies or tv show always helped you, it was like an anchor. And it also helped you ignore your feelings, keeping your mind busy, distracting you. But it didn’t seem to work this time. Some tears were falling down in your face. No particular reason, just feeling bad.

It was 4:14pm when your phone rang again. You picked your phone up, seeing Pedro’s name again, but this time it was a FaceTime call. You quickly sat up in bed, wiping the tears away, answering.

“Hey again” you smiled. Pedro also smiled, just looking at you. “What’s going on? Is something wrong?”

“No I just wanted to talk to you” you looked at him confused. “You sounded weird on the phone, I wasn’t sure, but now I am” you sighed. “Bad day?”

“Yeah” you also nodded

“Did something happen?”

“No, I wished.. I just woke up feeling like that. Just one of those days”

“And what do you feel exactly?” You looked at him

“Too many things. Panic, sadness, I am also extremely exhausted. I don’t have the energy to do anything, I’m just spending my day either in bed or on the couch” you could see that Pedro was sitting outside, against a wall, headphones in, extremely focused on what you were saying.

“Oh cariño.. do you know why you’re panicking? Like is it a general feeling or is there a reason?”

“General feeling of course, it would be too easy if there was a reason” you joked, which made Pedro chuckle

“Hey, you’re joking about it it’s not all bad”

“I wish, I’m just tired of those days, they happen too frequently”

“Yeah I know, but don’t try to fight it”

“What?”

“It will only make you feel worse. Just let it happen, you want to cry? Just cry, don’t be disappointed of yourself because you feel that way” you were about to say something but he cut you off “did you really think I would not notice that you were crying?”

“Guilty”

“I’ve seen you try to fight those feelings too many times, maybe if you just let them happen it will make you feel better?”

“I don’t know, I already did it before and it didn’t change anything. I don’t really know what I need”

“Well, why don’t you watch a movie or a tv show? It will pass the time and it will keep your mind busy”

“That’s what I’m doing already” you chuckled

“Well good. I’ll finish in a hour or so, then I’ll be home”

“What about that dinner?”

“There are more important things cariño”

“I don’t want you to miss stuff like that because of me”

“There will be other occasions for a dinner, but I don’t want to leave you alone, you don’t have to go through this alone”

“I already did before”

“It’s not because you can that you have to. I’m here for the good and the bad parts. You’ve helped me through some of mine, it’s the least I can do for you” you smiled

“I love you so much”

“I love you more” you saw Pedro’s eyes moving up, like there was a person coming closer to him. “Look, someone wants to say hi” he turned the phone, and that’s when you saw Bella. You waved at them, and they waved back.

“They can’t hear me but I said hi” you laughed

“She said hi” Pedro said to Bella.

“Hi y/n !” You heard in the background. “We have to go back on filming, we have to do the last scene again” you heard Bella talk

“Again? Okay” Pedro answered. “I’ll be right there” he watched Bella leave before looking at you again “I’m sorry baby I have to go back, but I’ll be done soon”

“Okay”

“Are you going to be okay?”

“I already feel better, thank you”

“Anything for you princesa” you smiled. “Just acknowledging the feelings can help”

“Thank you doctor” you both laughed

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few hours. And save a movie for us to watch okay? Don’t watch everything without me”

“I’ll try” you laughed again. He got up and blew kisses at you

“I love you mi amor”

“And I love you too” you also blew kisses, and hang up.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

hi!! could you do a tangerine fic where you have known each other a long time and you are working together on a mission and you bicker and fight the whole time and then when you get back to the hotel or house you’re laying next to him in bed (one bed ofc ofc) and you end up cuddling :) maybe it’s a regular unspoken thing when you’re on missions together, maybe not! i’ll let you decide :))

I love this request thank you!!

Is this a thing friends do?

No warnings, very fluffy 🙈

This is before the bullet train

You and the twins usually got partnered together, you guys fit perfectly. And you would admit, you had feelings for Tangerine. But you didn’t tell him, because you were scared he wouldn’t feel the same.

“Look, all I’m saying is that you don’t have to be an asshole about everything.” You shrugged your shoulder, as Tangerine rolled his eyes.

“Thank you! Someone had to say it.”

“Whatever. I just wanna leave this damn place.” Tangerine sighed, looking for a hotel.

“Well, we’re just gonna have to suck it up for one more night and we’re out of here. Everyone says that New York is fun, but all I’m seeing is rats and homeless people.” You stated, as you looked at your phone for directions to the hotel.

“What hotel did they give us this time?”

“They didn’t give us any. Budget cuts. But there’s one hotel we could stay at, I’ll pay, but it’s just Some small shitty one, all the others are taken up. Some convention opens tomorrow so everyone’s there.”

“Great. Just what I needed after a long hard week of work.” Tangerine groaned.

“Oh shut up. It’s only for one night, we’ll live.” Lemon said.

You snickered as you finally made it to the hotel. It was small, but it would work.

“Hello. May I h….” The older man started, but stopped as he saw the three bloodied and bruised individuals with snow on their heads.

“We need a room. Any room with at least two bedrooms is fine.” You stated quickly.

“Right.. Uh sorry, but we only have some one bedrooms. The convention is really popular.”

“Well, I suppose it’s fine… we don’t have anywhere else.”

“It’s fine with me.”

“Fine by me. I just wanna sleep.” Tangerine yawned.

“Here.” You said, sliding your card to the man, he still was confused but he didn’t wanna say anything. He opened a drawer and handed them a key.

“Thanks… you’re room 102. Anything else?” He asked nervously.

“Nope, that’s it. Thank you.” You said, as you all left.

“What the fuck was wrong with that guy?” Tangerine scoffed.

“What do you mean? I’d be scared if I randomly saw three people in suits walked in with blood and bruises and dragged in a bunch of snow.”

“I don’t like the way he was looking at you.” Tangerine narrowed his eyes.

“Im sensing a lovers quarrel.” Lemon sung, and laughing when tangerine hit him in the arm.

“Please, he looked like he was gonna shit his pants.” You said, unlocking and opening the door.

“Wow. You were not kidding when you said small.” Lemon snorted.

“Theres only one couch, and only one bed. Well what the fuck do we do now?!” You sighed.

“Well, the lady can take the bed, and I will sleep on the couch. I don’t know what tangerine wants to do.”

“Well, how big is the bed?” He asked. You felt excited at the idea of sharing a bed with him.

You went in the room to check. It was a queen.

“It’s a queen. So.. I mean I could share- if- if that’s fine with you.”

“Yeah, sure, I just wanna go to bed already.”

“Well, Goodnight guys. And if I hear any banging and I mean any-“

“Lemon!” You both groaned.

“Sorry.” He said and jumped onto the couch.

You and tangerine made your way to the room. It was awkward but you guys were friends, you’ve known each other since you were kids, so it shouldn’t be too awkward… right?

You got under the covers, and so did tangerine. You both just stared up at the ceiling. It was freezing, and it was snowing outside too.

“I’m freezing my bollocks off.”

You laughed quietly. It was uncomfortable to sleep in your work clothes, and the snow on your heads and clothes. had melted so it was just water now.

“I can’t go to sleep.” You muttered, turning to look at him.

“Me neither.”

You guys sat in silence for a little before making a decision to be brave.

“I have an idea.”

“Hm?” He looked at you again.

You moved closer to him, he looked confused but he wasn’t going to complain.

You looked at him.

“Is this.. okay?” You asked quietly.

He stared at you and blinked. ‘Fuck it.’ He thought, and went in to kiss you. You were shocked, but you kissed back. It was passionate and loving.

Your lips disconnected after a little bit, and you smiled.

“It’s more than okay.” He said, as he put and arm over you.

You wouldn’t be upset if this happened all the time, you thought.

“Hey, T?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Everything.”

[heavyhitterheaux]

Cold Water

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: best friends should always be honest with each other

Synopsis: You and your best friend are at odds when you learn that he kept his new girlfriend a secret from you on purpose

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: @fallon-carrington123 (I incorporated the first part of your request. Part 2 is where I’ll add the rest!)

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Read My Superstar first 

It had been maybe a week or so since you learned the news of Urban having a girlfriend for two months over an instagram post. Safe to say that you were hurt because he didn’t tell you and it didn’t seem as if he was going to mention it until he got caught.

You and Urban have been close since the time the two of you were 14 when you both met and you simply shared everything with him. Even if it had to do with your beloved husband.

You know had a three week break from tour and you were back at home with Jack and Urban. However, the tension in the house was at an all time high because you had been giving Urban the silent treatment. The rest of PG were also there and you were all sitting around having a movie marathon and eating some homemade pizza that you had made for them.

PG didn’t want to say anything regarding you and Urban and figured that the two of you would work it out yourselves.

You two literally couldn’t live without the other so they knew you would make up soon.

You got up to go into the kitchen to refill your lemonade when Urban walked in to confront you.

He was over you ignoring him and wanted to fix this or at least attempt to.

“This shit stops right now. We need to talk about this.” You heard him say from behind you as you were finishing pouring the lemonade in your cup. You rolled your eyes before turning around to look at him.

“You lied to me! We have been friends for ten years! I have never lied to you about anything or kept something from you because guess what? You’re my best friend and best friends don’t do that!”

“You want to know why I didn’t tell you? Honestly?”

“I’m all ears, Wyatt. The fact that you told the rest of them before me and they met her? You even told Neelam before me! Like what the actual fuck?”

“BECAUSE YOU HAVE LITERALLY RUINED EVERY SINGLE RELATIONSHIP THAT I’VE BEEN IN!”

“What?!? No, I haven't Urban! That is complete bullshit!”

“You sure about that? Let me pull the receipts.”

“Is it my fault that no one that you’ve dated has been good enough for you!? My best friend deserves the best!”

“How can I find that if you keep running them off?!”

“Urban, Jessica was rude as hell every time we went out and didn’t give two shits about her attitude. The way she would speak to people was insane.”

“Damn, sounds like you’re talking about yourself. I’m going to need for you to stop being a hypocrite.”

“Urb! I am not rude! I never have been!”

“But your attitude could use some work! You never see the fault in what you do! EVER!”

“THAT IS NOT TRUE! What about Reina?! She dated you only to become closer to Jack and I don’t know why that was her goal simply because he’s married to me! She wasn’t thinking about you! She did not have your best interest!”

“But you didn’t have to fight her either! Let’s not forget the girls you ran off because of how you act and the fact that they didn’t get your approval! It’s like they see how you are and run for the hills!”

“You’re my best friend and I am always going to protect you!”

“You can do that without constantly being on my ass all the time, Y/N! Like damn let me breathe! Last time I checked I was a grown ass man who could take care of himself!”

“But….”

And that’s when the tears started to fall.

Meanwhile PG was standing to the side of the doorway out of both of your line of vision  listening to the heated exchange happening between you and Urban.

“Uhh, Jack? Maybe you should intervene.” 2fo said while looking over at him.

“Absolutely not. They need to work this out themselves. I can’t always run and save the day every time she has a disagreement with someone. She’s an adult. Now if anything disrespectful was said that’s a different story.”

“But, Urb is kinda making some valid points. She is very protective of all of us but especially him.” Shloob confessed with car keys in hand just in case he had to make a quick exit.

“True, like sometimes I don’t say certain things around her because I don’t know how she’s going to react.”

“We all know that she doesn’t tolerate bullshit and only wants the best for us.”

“Yeah, but like Urb said she has to let us breathe and not be on our backs all the time.”

“Urban! Why can’t you see how much I care about you?!”

“I do and I’m going to need for you to stop crying because you are always playing the victim and I’m tired of it. Any time someone says something you don’t like or they’re telling you about yourself you get upset and cry. Grow the fuck up. Don’t you think I eventually want what you and Jack have? How am I supposed to do that if you literally run off every girl that I show interest in?”

All you did was simply look at him speechless with tears rolling down your face.

Your intentions were always pure when it came to Urban or anybody in PG who had gotten a girlfriend. You wanted for them to be on the same level as them and not settle for less.

Your feelings were hurt to think that Urban believed that you would intentionally do that to him.

All you wanted was to see your best friend happy. 

“Then I’m sorry for caring and loving my best friend and wanting for him to have what he deserves. You won’t have to worry about me doing that anymore.”

“Wait, Y/N….”

Urban tried to catch your hand as you walked past him but you quickly snatched away from him. PG scrambled to go back to their places on the couches in the living room but you knew that they had been listening.

Jack saw your face full of tears and was now kind of annoyed with Urban for making you cry even if he had been right.

“Baby…”

“I.. just need a minute.”

You went upstairs and simply laid down and cried at what just happened.

The two of you had never argued or gotten into disagreements the entire ten years that you had been friends.

This hurt and it was never your intention to keep Urban from finding someone to be with.

But if he felt that you weren't doing any good by hovering over him, consider it done.

You just wanted to make sure that it was someone who wanted Urban for him and not anything else. 

Why couldn’t he understand that?

It had been about another week or so since the huge blow up between you and Urban and it was safe to say that the silent treatment was continuing. 

Well you couldn’t exactly call it that seeing as if he asked you something, you did answer him but simply left it at that.

To avoid all of this Urban had been spending more time with Yasmin who you still had yet to meet.

You figured it would happen eventually, but you weren't in any rush since he told you that you had ruined every relationship that he had been in previously so you continued to keep your distance.

It was around 11 am when PG decided that they wanted to go play laser tag and wanted for you to join them.

“Y/N, I need you on my team because you're little and you can hide and do sneak attacks.” Ace said but you kept a neutral face.

“No, I’m already doing something.”

“Wait, what? You’ve been dodging us all week! Come with us!”

"If I wasn't already doing something, I would."

"Well if we get dinner later are you coming?"

You simply shrugged.

"If I get finished maybe but I don't know." You honestly answered before going back upstairs and getting ready to meet Megan in the studio.

You had written a song for her to put on her new album and wanted to record it today in the hopes of getting your mind off everything else.

Once you were out of earshot everyone turned towards Urban.

"Will you two make up already!? And you can tell she's upset!"

"I tried to explain why I did it but of course she doesn't see anything wrong in what she did."

"Urb, you know how she is. You more so than anyone else besides Jack."

"Just because I know how she is doesn't make it right. She's upset because I told her the truth and I also kind of told her to back off a little bit and stop hovering."

"Well damn. That's why she hasn't wanted to go out with us."

"I meant to stop hovering around me when it came to relationships, not hanging out with us in general."

You knew it would be awkward with both you and Urban there and you didn't want to add more fuel to the fire.

"Jack, fix this! I miss her cooking for all of us. Now she's all sad and shit and making us eat take out. I swear that I can’t eat another egg roll."

"It's not my problem to fix. It's between them. Urb does the same thing when me and her have disagreements. He remains neutral and that’s what I’m doing."

"Now you know how stubborn your wife is, she is not going to apologize first."

"I think that the both of you need to apologize. You for keeping Yasmin from her and she does too for running the girlfriends off in the past even if her intentions behind it were good.." Jack said being completely honest.

"But why am I apologizing if I'm not sorry? I guarantee that if I would have told her about Yasmin that we wouldn’t still be together because of how she is."

"Urb, just do it so we can get fed! We're about to turn to skin and bones around here!"

"Shloob, you're just scared that she'll pop off."

"Well she has been quiet all week. Maybe she's plotting something. First Lady is never quiet. Jack, just make sure you give the eulogy at Urb's funeral."

Jack took the steps two at a time to go and check on you. It definitely made him feel some type of way seeing his wife so sad, so he was trying to do his best to take your mind off of it. But, he knew the two of you couldn’t live without each other even if both of you were acting like dumbasses and not trying to fix the issue.

He found you sitting on the bed and scrolling through your phone with your shoes near you assuming that you were getting ready to leave.

"Babe?"

"Yes?"

"Now you know I'm staying neutral because the last thing I want to do is come between you two and pick sides but the two of you really need to fix this."

"I'm doing what he asked me to do. So I'm keeping my distance."

"That's not what he meant and you know it." Jack replied while coming to sit down next to you and pull you onto his lap.

"Well that's what it sounded like to me. Because apparently I ruin everything and run people off."

"Baby girl. I get that you're in your feelings because he kept it from you. However, he has a point as to why."

"Not you too." You muttered while rolling your eyes and crossing your arms.

"I wouldn't be a good husband if I wasn't honest with my wife."

"I just… from what I saw from my perspective, none of them had his best interest and obviously in my mind I don't think anyone is good enough for my best friend. What's wrong with wanting to protect him from getting his heart broken?"

"Nothing at all but sometimes people need to learn on their own. You have to allow him to make mistakes. I feel like we're talking about our kid in a way." Jack said before laughing and it made you form a small smile on your face.

“That’s why I’m keeping my distance.”

“No, you need to find a good balance. This is such a thing as caring too much and you kind of take it overboard when it comes to Urban.”

“I just…. It really hurt what he said.”

“But there wasn’t any ill intent behind it, baby girl. Urban is hurt too. Don’t you think he wanted you to be the first person he told about Yasmin?”

“I thought he would do that regardless but, I… I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

“Baby, just think about it from his point of view, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Now where are you off to? You need to stop avoiding us.”

“I’m not avoiding anybody. I’m about to go spend time with Meg in the studio. I wrote something for her and we want to record it.”

“Fine, but this weekend you’re spending time with us too. I invited Yasmin over to formally meet you.”

“No thanks, I’m busy.”

“Baby! Stop doing that. Will you at least try for Urban?”

“Nope.”

“Okay, fine. Try for me.”

“Maybe.”

“You didn’t say no so I’ll take it.”

You and Megan had just finished recording Budget and the two of you were just sitting around talking when the topic of Urban and Yasmin was brought up.

“Have you met her yet?”

“Nope and apparently I am this weekend because that husband of mine invited her over. I just can’t believe he literally lied to my face.”

“Well…. You kind of take it to the extreme when it comes to PG.”

“How so?”

“You are extremely protective and territorial over them. I know that they say no one gets to the first lady except through them but no one gets to the members of PG without going through the first lady. It goes both ways.”

“They’re my friends! I obviously want to protect them as much as I can!”

“Okay, you can do that without being a helicopter mom. Because that is definitely you.”

“I am not!”

“Listen to me for a second. I have heard a few of them say that certain things they don’t say in front of you because they don’t know how you’re going to react and they do keep things from you to not cause tension.”

“That makes me feel like I’m a horrible person. I want them to always be able to come to me about things and not have to hide.”

“You aren’t. You just have to allow yourself to have an open mind when it comes to things. I’m sure that they want to share a lot of things with you but they don’t because of your uhh… track record.”

“The only time I fight is if I have a good reason.”

“And I wholeheartedly believe you! However, there’s a time and place for everything so come whenever you meet her, go in there with an open mind and talk to Urban. Because even though you’re hurting, he probably is too.”

“Jack said the same thing.”

“It’ll all work out in the end, I promise. It’ll be like this entire thing never even happened.”

The weekend was now finally here and as promised for Jack and for Jack only you were playing host to Yasmin.

Everyone was sitting around the firepit in the backyard holding simple conversations and getting to know her while you had simply remained quiet.

You had a feeling that anything you said was going to piss Urban off so instead of causing tension, you decided that remaining quiet was the best option. 

There you were sitting on Jack’s lap and sipping on your red wine when you suddenly heard Yasmin call out to you.

“Hmm?”

“That pasta you made was really good. How’d you learn to cook so well? Did your mom or someone else teach you?”

“My mom did.” You kept your answer simple and noticed how Urban had rolled his eyes at your response, but you ignored it.

“Is there any dish that’s your favorite to make? Or only make on special occasions?”

“I don’t really have one. Anything they ask for, I make it.”

“Yasmin, wait until you try her mini strawberry cheesecakes or her sweet potato pies. We all have a running joke that she puts crack in it to keep us wanting more.” Shloob said while everyone laughed.

“I’m definitely looking forward to it.”

“I have a question for you, too.”

“Oh shit, it’s happening.” Quiiso whispered under his breath and everyone kind of looked on with wide eyes.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“What exactly is your job? No one has mentioned it seeing as I didn’t even know you existed until three weeks ago.”

“Oh, I’m a makeup artist. Still fairly new to the industry but I think the favorite person I’ve done work on is Dua Lipa. I know that the two of you are pretty close.”

“A little too close in my opinion.” Jack whispered in your ear, making you laugh.

“Hmm, how’d you meet Urban?”

“We actually ran into each other backstage at the VMA’s and then it just went from there.”

“What are your intentions? Is he your first boyfriend or no?”

“Y/N….” Urban said in a warning tone and you simply looked at him.

“Urb, you wanted me to get to know her right? And wanted for me to not ruin this seeing as you told me that I ruin every single relationship that you’ve been in so I’m doing my best.”

“Wait, what?” Yasmin curiously asked while looking between all of you and you heard Jack sigh from behind you.

“You can do your best without interrogating her, just like you did all the other ones before.” Urban replied while raising his voice.

“I’ve barely said anything to her all night! How am I supposed to get to know her if I don’t ask questions?”

“I really don’t mind answering them…” Yasmin said attempting to try and keep the peace since you and Urban were shooting daggers at each other.

“Should have known your ass was going to do this.”

“I didn’t even do anything!”

“Yet!”

“Fine, Urban, if you are so bothered by me wanting the best for you then I don’t know why we’re still friends.”

“Now wait one got damn minute. Yall are not throwing away ten years of friendship over this. It is not that serious. Can the two of you just apologize and move on?” 2fo piped up and suddenly looked nervous.

“I’m not apologizing for something that I’m not sorry for.”

Damn that stung. 

“Well he told me I ruin everything concerning his relationships and that I’m a hypocrite because I mentioned one of those girlfriends having an attitude and he said mine could use some work.”

“Uhhh… well…”

“SHLOOB!”

“I mean…. That wasn’t totally a lie.”

“Are we seriously doing this right now? So everyone can list my faults but yall are perfect?”

“No one even said that and that’s what your problem is! You never listen when someone is trying to explain something to you and act like the victim!” Urban fired back at you and you could now tell that Yasmin was extremely uncomfortable.

“Will you two calm down?!” Jack exclaimed as his two best friends were going at it. As much as he didn’t want to intervene, this was getting out of hand. 

“I’m not acting like a victim!

“Umm right now you kind of are.” Ace confessed and you just stared at all of them in disbelief. 

“We’re your friends and we are supposed to be honest with you, no matter if it hurts. It’s better we tell you than to lie.”

“Oh, but you all did lie. In ten years, I have kept nothing from any of you and this was really a slap in my face but since I always act like the victim, I won’t say anymore about it. Yasmin, you seem really nice and I wish you and Urban the best. I have a headache so good night.”

Jack tried to pull you back as you attempted to stand up, but he wasn’t quick enough.

You made your way back into the house as it was now silent in the backyard.

“Well consider that our last meal from her probably until 2025. If she wasn’t acting distant before, she damn sure will be distant now.” Nemo said, breaking the silence.

“Jack, is this how it feels when she’s mad at you? Because I don’t really like this.” 2fo confessed.

“Somehow this feels worse.”

Just then Jack eyed Urban who was simply running a hand through his curls while Yasmin was sitting there awkwardly.

“All this shit could have been avoided if you would have told her.”

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[next-autopsy]

A/N: Well, hi there! WTH TWENTY CHAPTERS! I can’t believe it!

Just want to thank everyone who has liked, rebloged, commented or just reads! I love and appreciate each and everyone of y'all x

Based on the actors portrayal/hbo show and written with no disrespect to the real life veterans. Also all images found on Pinterest.

TW: i dont think there are any... maybe swearing?

Tags: @malarkgirlypop, @panzershrike-pretz

Made of Glass

Chapter twenty: Call Her Bluff

The entire event of the previous night played in her mind on a loop. She hadn’t slept much, instead choosing to lie awake in her bed reminiscing about the time spent stargazing with Joe. 

They had laid there on the scratchy blanket until after lights out, then the pair were forced to sneak back to Bernadette’s barracks without being caught. Plus Joe had to repeat the whole sneaking around schtick to get to his own barracks. 

Now that the idea of crushing on the Californian man had been brought to the forefront of her mind, it was all Birdie could think of.

At first she disagreed, Joe was mean to her: why would she like someone who calls her names? But then she remembered how fast her heart was beating when he told her she belonged. His comment had sat with her for weeks, echoing in her head constantly. Her own flesh and blood hadn’t believed in her and yet Joe did. Maybe a crush wasn’t that far fetched. 

“Well someone’s happy this morning!” Charlotte commented, watching Birdie as she skipped from one side of her cot to the other, tucking in the crisp white sheet as she went. 

“Yeah, considering you came back so late.” Lucy smirked, all the girls had an inkling as to why the Mississippi born lady was so chipper. They had bets on which guy had captured her attention, little did they know it was not the obvious choice: Joe Toye.

“Sorry, Mother. I’ll make sure to be home ‘fore curfew.” Bernadette played along, teasingly rolling her eyes towards the Fox company woman. 

“So…?” Blythe bounced on her bed, waiting to hear what tales the previous night held.

“So what?” She played dumb, continuing to flatten out her bedsheets and fluff her pillows. Even Connie, who didn’t typically approve of gossip had scooted closer, intrigued and curious. 

“Who’s the guy?” Charlotte burst, she couldn’t take much more of the coy bullshit, she just wanted to be privy to the latest discussion.

“Please tell us!” Blythe added, begging the southern woman to just rip the band aid off.  

“There’s no guy. Not like that by any means, fraternising is against the rules, ya know?” She wasn’t really sure how to explain a schoolgirl crush, especially one she wasn’t even sure was requited. 

“But if it wasn’t, you would’ve?” Lucy waggled her eyebrows at her suggestively. She understood the implication and of course her cheeks tinted pink, the thought got her bashful. Birdie had to reign in her thoughts before they ran wild. She didn’t know if Joe even thought of her like that, so there was no point in fantasizing about something that had no chance to come to fruition.

“…no…” Birdie mumbled the word, fidgeting with the hem of her ODs and biting her bottom lip to try to hide a smile. Despite her attempt at checking herself, the imagery of how soft Joe’s lips might feel on her own would not vacate her mind. 

“Never play poker, Bernadette Coldwell. You can’t bluff for shit.” Lucy laughed, shaking her head. 

—-----------------

Yet another failed practice manoeuvre led by Captain Sobel had Easy company in despair. The afternoon mood had plummeted meaning not much chit-chat at the lunch table. 

It was a Friday and Birdie still hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her friends about her upcoming birthday, it wasn’t really a good time, especially with this morning's loss.

Plus she and most of the company had their weekend passes taken away because Sobel was having a tough week. It was dejecting to say the least, so when several letters and a parcel arrived for her mid meal, she perked up. 

The package was from her family, as were most of the letters. Some came from highschool friends and neighbours, mentioning some video on TV that she had apparently appeared in, enticing young women to sign up and do their part for the country. 

“What is it? Your birthday?” George had joked, but as he thought about the statement he began to realise he had known Birdie for close to a year and was yet to celebrate her birthday. His face went serious, smile dropped, “Is it?” 

“Almost.” The southerner winked at her brown eyed friend while tucking away a letter she had finished reading. 

“What? Why didn’t you say anything? When is it? What day?” George spat out all at once, hardly leaving space to inhale. 

“Breathe Luz!” Birdie laughed.

“Not until you tell me when!” He puffed up his cheeks and scrunched his eyes closed, holding in his breath. His face coloured a light shade of pink that slowly got darker. 

“Don’t you dare say anything, Little Bird.” Guarnere grinned, holding a hand out to stop her girl from intervening. George held on for as long as he could but ended up bursting and spluttering within thirty seconds. 

“I almost died! You have to tell me now?” The radioman was leaning so far over the table he may as well have been on top of it. 

Liebgott had emptied his tray and was walking past Birdie’s table toward the dining hall door when he overheard George yelling at the girl and couldn’t help himself. 

“Tell you what?” He chimed in, curious to hear the girl speak. She smiled at him but before she could say anything, Luz butted in, “Birdie’s birthday is soon but she won't say when.”

“Well if you gave me a second…” She paused, giving her overactive buddy a look, “You’d know it's on Sunday.”

“What?! That's so soon! Give us some warning, lady! I don't even have a gift or-”

“Luz! Calm down.” Birdie couldn't help but giggle at his antics, “Your presence is gift enough.” It was cheesy but she meant it. She didn’t want gifts from anyone or special treatment. She missed home and her family and she knew any gifts she received would be tainted with the homesick feeling that grew in her chest day by day. 

“I’d get a refund if I were you.” Toye jested, he smirked at George, then flicked him a quick wink so the man knew he was kidding. 

“Hey!” George exclaimed, slightly offended by the comment. He began explaining to Toye and Guarnere how amazing he was and how truly blessed they were to know him. 

“Sunday, huh?” Lieb leaned closer to the almost birthday girl, lowering his voice so only the two could participate in this conversation.

“Hmm? Oh… yeah. Sunday.” She had been watching Luz go off on her two closest friends but her attention was pulled to him and now she couldn't tear it away. She noticed the deeper tone he used with her and how he wanted her undivided focus, Birdie had to force herself not to blush. 

“Ask me when my birthday is.” His voice was barely a whisper. Was he doing that on purpose? 

“When’s your birthday, Joe?” Birdie whispered back, looking up at him as he leaned on the table. She blinked her eyes waiting for his answer.

“Monday.” He shrugged like it was no big deal. They basically shared a birthday! A grin broke out on her face and she squealed, “No way! Really?!” This gained the awareness of the three men next to her.

“Uh… hey, what the hell is going on?” Toye said, astonished at the behaviour change between the two who typically only fought and called out names at each other.

“What?” Birdie tilted her head at him, pretending not to know why Toye had questioned them. She knew exactly why he was confused but she couldn’t say anything, lest she embarrass herself.

“You two are… talking?” Bill spoke, just as astounded as the man next to him. Bill and Toye were arguably Birdie’s closest friends and they had no idea her and Lieb were suddenly on good terms; it shook both men to their core. They thought Birdie hated that man but here they were chatting like old mates. 

“Yeah?” Lieb tilted his head too, feigning confusion. Toye noted the mimicked mannerism, he would surely be interrogating Birdie later. 

“Not yelling…” Bill was still in the dark, genuinely befuddled, “Or trying to kill each other?” 

George smiled and kept quiet for once, he knew exactly what was going on here, and he had good money on the pair hooking up before the end of the year. It looked like he would be winning said bet the way things were going.

“Didn’t you hate him last week?” Bill went on, trying to figure out what had transpired, “Yeah, the words you used were: Hate him with the fire of a thousand suns.”

“Poetic.” Liebgott nodded at the woman, his signature smirk plastered on his features. She was getting flustered and he loved it, watching her squirm. 

“Oh yeah, I remember that.” Penkala chimed in, overhearing the discussion from down the table, “Didn’t you ask Johnny to smother him in his sleep?” 

Liebgott’s eyebrows raised, he looked at the woman and awaited her answer. He knew it was all in good fun but he couldn’t give up the chance to tease her, in good nature this time.

“I decline to comment.” 

—-----------

Since Easy didn’t have weekend passes, that Sunday was spent doing extra PT Sobel had assigned them. He didn’t hold back, really tiring them out with laps of the field and multiple combat sessions. They even had a designated hour of digging foxholes with their entrenching tool. 

What a birthday.

The women didn't have to have escorts every second of every day anymore, the rules had eased up, but Birdie felt better when someone stood guard while she showered and Johnny wouldn't let her anywhere near the showers by herself. So after the day of taxing physical activity, Johnny found Birdie and walked her to the women's bathroom.

On the way out, Birdie slumped over, exhausted and ready to pass out. She was yet to have dinner but honestly she could do without for tonight, she just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Besides, the mess hall was closing in five minutes, so it looked like she’d run out of time anyway. 

Johnny walked next to her in perfect step as the two made their way to Bernadette's sleeping quarters. When they would typically go left, Johnny stepped right. It confused Birdie, she had to stop walking and take stock of where they were. Was she so tired that she forgot her way to her own barracks? 

“One quick stop first.” Johnny explained, detecting her hesitance. She didn’t argue, just groaned and nodded, following the man without question.

“Here.” Martin gestured to the three wooden steps leading up to a building identical to her own barracks. If her mind wasn’t foggy she would have recognised it but her brain was declining to function properly so she just hopped up the steps silently.

Birdie watched Johnny reach out for the door handle and hold it open for her like a gentleman. From inside Birdie heard ‘shushes’ and then nothing. How very suspicious. Had she been at full thinking capacity she might have understood the situation more clearly. 

“Surprise!” A chorus of baritone voices called out to her. Birdie jumped, unexpecting the loud announcement. 

The faces of just about every Easy company man stuffed into the small barracks building registered and Bernadette broke out into a grin. She looked back at Johnny who was amused, standing with his arms crossed and mouthed to him “For me?” He nodded at the young girl and she all but threw herself in his direction. He flung his arms out just in time to catch her in a bone crushing hug. 

“Thank you.” The southerner whispered to him while wrapped in his arms. Someone cleared their throat from behind her and she turned to face them.

“Um… where’s my hug? I planned this whole thing.” George stated, matter of factly.

“You did?” She spoke with a high pitched voice, wobbling with emotion. George nodded, “Thank you!” The woman embraced him with little hesitation, sniffling into his shoulder. She was tired and missing home and this act of kindness had broken her, joyful tears welled up in her eyes. 

“Hey, are you crying?” Luz tried to pull away from her to see if she was sobbing but she refused to let go of him, holding on more tightly.

“Shut up and hug me, Luz.” He chuckled and put his arms back around her, squeezing slightly. 

A few of the men had wished her a happy birthday and left for their own barracks, leaving her closer friends to host a little soiree. A deck of cards was dealt out and Toye was determined to show Birdie how to play poker. She decided not to tell him she had learnt the gambling game from her older brothers and allowed him to ‘teach’ her the rules. 

Birdie purposefully lost the first few games, then begged Toye to let her play on her own. He was reluctant and when she suggested putting money on the game he outright refused. But she puppy dog eyed him and used the excuse of it being her birthday and he caved.  

Bernadette played against Toye, Guarnere, Bull, Liebgott and Perconte while Chuck Grant was designated dealer. Stakes were getting high, they were betting smokes and Hershey's bars and the pool was an enormous mountain of tobacco and chocolate. Toye, Bill and Perco were confident Birdie had bad cards or didn’t understand them so they kept upping the bet, Bull was just along for the ride, calling cause he had nothing better to do. 

When it came to Lieb’s turn to place a bet, he looked at his cards secretly, then to the cards in the middle. He took a second to watch the faces of the men and the one woman playing along with him, he was good at reading body language and something about the look Birdie gave him told him he should sit this one out. He raised his brow at her, a silent question. She tilted her head ever so slightly, her muted answer. He folded. 

Cards were shown and Bernadette had swindled nearly sixty cigarettes and eight bars of chocolate out of her friends. She laughed as she pulled her winnings towards her, “Thank you boys! I won't have to buy smokes for a week!” She gloated, enjoying the looks on the men's faces. Toye showed devastation, had that really just happened?

“You minx! Why didn’t you tell me you could play poker?” Toye gaped at her, seriously what the hell had happened just now? She only laughed, eyes twinkling. She unwrapped a Hershey's before answering him, “First rule of poker: Play your opponent, not the game.” Birdie winked, biting into her hard earned bar of cocoa.

A/N: I think it's funny how the women have a bet on Birdie crushing on someone and its even funnier that Easy does too

~ next-autopsy ~

Chapter twenty and a half

[raml-s-headcanons]

Spideypool "The phone number" 1/1 (or 1/2 idk yet)

Ever since Spider-Man gave Deadpool his number "for emergency calls only, okay?" three days passed.

Wade was SO patient. So so so! Patient, therefore someone should reward him. And Wade decided to be this man, because who'll else?

Everyone who knows Wade for at least one or two days could quickly note, that he has a little nice feral crush over Spider-Man. Everyone except maybe for Spider-Man himself. Of course Wade determined to make "texting Spider-Man immediately" his reward.

That's not actually that emergency, but to be honest Wade didn't say Spidey "okay" back then. So that doesn't count, right? And ALSO he has a little crafty plan.

Wade took his phone and copied the number from the phone book. That was the step number one. Now he's gonna check every possible messenger in the world and find the one where Spidey sign in. That way it wouldn't be a call. Or even a strict boring SMS. Completely another way of communication, even completely un-forbidden for unserious texting!

Well, turns out Spider-Man doesn't like popular apps that's for sure. And Wade on his twelfth try? Maybe he wasn't exaggerating about every possible messenger before. Or Spidey is that creep who avoids everything except SMSs. Or he just have two numbers.

Anyway Wade's a bit down but still downloads every other app on the list in the market. He's almost asleep when he sees a little funny profile picture in the results. Could it be THE Spider-Man? Is it real or Wade's already sleeping or daydreaming?

{nightdreaming?}

[That would be just sleeping.]

"Oh shit. Guys, what should I text him?"

[Should you text him at all? We're not at risk.]

{I can set up us some risking!!!}

"No, thank you. I'll just go the usual way"

{I pity you}

[Don't. I assume he likes the result by the amount of times he does this.]

"Hey!! This is your friendly neighborhood Deadpool Wade Wilson! Don't ask me how i found this app." Send message. "How and why the fuck he chose this messenger? It's a piece of shit. Every button works only if you press it in the corner what."

[Don't ask us big guy, i still don't convinced it's not our wet dream.]

{I can make this our wet dream!!!}

[Please no.]

"A-and he already is.... Why you even can somehow by your will making us horny?"

{Im natural ladies}

"Not the kinks, fucker!"

[Don't start with the "babygirls", we're waiting a message from Spidey.]

"Oh shit. Right."

Wade's trying not to think about tightening feeling in their belly and looking at the phone.

"OH SHIT. Spidey actually responded!"

"Wade?........." 02:14

"How THE FUCK you found this app?" 02:14

"........." 02:16

"It isn't an emergency right?" 02:17

"Is 'i just wanted to hear your voice' counts as an emergency?" Send message.

[Jesus, he didn't think even a second.]

"And i asked you not to ask about the app 👉👈" Send message.

"Also this's just so shitty why are you here?" Send message.

"I needed to copy emojis from the other app just to put it here" Send message.

"Umm, guys is he ignoring us?"

{yes!}

[It's only been two minutes.]

"That's exactly what I'm saying! He's a young man! Young people writes as fast as shit"

{Guys shush!! Hes texTING!!}

"🖕" 02:24

[That's fair.]

"That's not..."

Wade waits sometime, not exactly sure what should he answers to that. It's not quite double-meaning message. Only if he's of course not trying to offer sexual activity.

[He's not.]

"He's not..." {Lads, you do you but ima going to jerk off real quick and go to sleep. Are you with me?}

[Sure.]

"Eeeh, fuck it. Let's go"

"Nighty, Spidey <3" Send message.

{Aww, look at this pathetic little girl}

Wade puts his hand down his pants.

[harrisonbrainrot]

Scarlet Begonias - M!Han x Reader

Chapter 2

MDNI - 18+

A/N: Back at it again because yall liked the first part. POV is different. Also, the reader is unnamed, I don't really know how I'll navigate that in the future but oh well. All I have so far has avoided it but idk. Anyways, have more of my ridiculous shit.

I blinked at Han, matching his previously confused expression. 'Excuse me, what did you say?' I unintentionally challenged him. Which really just encouraged him, as he stepped closer.

'I said that you have an attitude. Am I wrong?' I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head. How was that supposed to be a compliment? How was that supposed to make me feel good? He stepped closer still, all the while I idly pet Chewie. He stopped right in front of me, and I couldn't help but wonder if this guy was a serial killer or something and I was dumb enough to go to his house. Maybe he was gunna chop me up and feed me to Chewie-

'Look, I don't normally like girls like this. It's a simple fuck and they're gone. It's easier that way. For some reason, I want you to look at my vinyl collection. So, if you're inclined to follow me..' I just gaped at him, he was unbelievable. Why did I like that? It was like he matched me, toe to toe, and it was a matter of who would submit to the other's sass first. Bastard man... Either way, I followed him to the other room. God, this house was way bigger than it looked on the outside.

'Alright, fine. If you check your tone, I'll consider looking at your vinyl collection.' Han stopped dead in his tracks as I said that, whipping around to point at himself.

'Me? I need to check my tone? Look, little lady, I don't take too kindly to demands and orders in my own home... but I guess if I gotta, I'll tone it down.' I smiled softly at him, his face lit by dim lamps he left on before he went out. Either he was forgetful, or he left lights on for Chewie. If it was the latter, I'd be inclined to say that was endearing and sweet.

'Thank you.' I said it sweetly, looking up at him with best sweet face I could make, which really just caused him to roll his eyes. Han couldn't help but move out of my way, apparently. Because I let myself into the den, and he followed behind. I was so acutely aware of his presence behind me, it was unfair that he existed with such an energy that it made the hairs stand up on my neck.

'What do you like?' His voice was soft. Like he didn't let many people here and he was unsure of how to proceed. I shrugged, turning to look at him. He was much closer than I anticipated. He was close enough to appreciate how much bigger than me he was. I found myself forgetting what he even said, like the only thoughts I had was how his hair looked brushed back in a carefree way and how his beard looked scratchy enough to drive me crazy. With a deep inhale, I shook my head.

'Anything. I'm not being facetious, I genuinely like at least one song from any genre. Show me your favorite.' Whatever it was about that statement made him chuckle and tilt his head. I wished I could read his mind, desperately. He was such an enigma. Who was he? I found myself wanting to know everything from the time he wakes up to his favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor.. who would he vote for in the upcoming election? What was his go to drink on a hot summer's day? I swallowed back any questions as I watched him bend at the hips to scan his collection, I could see his back clearly through his shirt. The muscles along his spine, the curve of his body.. I mean, I still would thank Levi's for those jeans, they were made for him and his ass and thighs. I shook myself out of it as he stood, turning to face me. I read the sleeve he held up.

'The Mamas and the Papas? Really?' I laughed softly, shaking my head in disbelief. No one ever listened to them. I was so "different" for liking any of their music.

'Absolutely, California Dreamin' is one of the greatest songs ever.' He stepped to the record player, dropping the twelve inch vinyl on the turntable. I smiled, if hearts appeared in my eyes, I wouldn't be surprised. He fiddled with the tonearm until he got it to California Dreamin'. I was surprised to see him move subtly but gracefully to the music. I couldn't help but sway with him. It got to the verse I knew he loved the song for, who didn't love this verse. He came closer, dropping to his knees. I had the feeling he'd never be on his knees for anyone but himself.. but damn it, if he didn't look pretty on them.

Stopped into a church

I passed along the way

Well I got down on my knees-

'And I began to pray.'  He finished the line with this rasp that I couldn't begin to describe but if I wasn't slightly turned on before, I was now. God, what a showboat.

You know the preacher likes the cold

He knows I'm gunna stay

Han stood, giving me this entirely tempting smile. 'Yeah, you like them, but do you like them like that?' I could hear the instruments in the background as he stepped closer. He leaned down, holy shit he was going to kiss me?, but he pulled away. 'Wanna smoke?' God damn it. I nodded, trying to keep my cool.

'Yeah.. yeah I'll smoke.' He nodded, beelining for the couch. He dropped down, his long legs bent at the knees, they stood off the couch. He was too lanky for this couch. I hesitantly sat next to him, completely interested in how he rolled a joint. It seemed practiced, methodical. Rolling tray, grinder, grind some flower, grab a paper.. two mountains and a valley, twist, twist, twist, smooth.. but when it came to sealing the paper, he knew what he was doing. Oh, lord. His tongue left his lips, delicately but deliberately licking the adhesive before rolling one last time to seal it. He behaved like he had no idea, like he was so clueless to what he just did. There was a slight glint in his eye, as he passed me the joint, that was absolutely gorgeous and devious. He knew, in some compacity, what he was doing and the effect. How unfair, he was so simply enticing. No effort. He rolled a fucking joint, that shouldn't be as erotic as it was.

'You get the first toke.' God, he even spoke like a man out of time.. I grabbed it, taking the lighter he offered. The joint nearly slipped from my lips as his fingers brushed mine ever so subtly. I quickly lit the joint, inhaling deeply. Was this going to benefit him or me? Either way, I was eager to find out. My hand held out the joint to him, it was rolled perfectly, if I was honest. It was like a surgeon at work; no scars, no long lasting damage, just perfectly executed. He took it, French inhaling as he did. He told me 'gets you higher, promise.' I already knew that, but I'd humor him. He passed it back to me, and I french inhaled, feeling the smoke leave my mouth and burn my nostrils. I tried not to cough or let my eyes water, but he saw. I felt his hand on my back and I swear, it burned. I could feel how warm he was, it sent tingles down my spine. I shook my head slowly.

'Don't push yourself on my behalf, sweetheart.' He said it so soft, like he actually cared. I was too busy coughing then trying not to cough to really pay attention. I pressed myself against the back of the couch, I closed my eyes, seeing stars. I leaned my head against the back of it, because, fuck.. the world was spinning.

'You okay?' I tried to nod but I was so fucking high I couldn't feel anything. There was a disconnect from my brain to my body, all I knew was that I was coughing and my lungs burned. I felt him grab my wrists pulling them above my head.

'Keep your arms up, baby. Helps your lungs expand. Remember, you're breathing. You can breathe.. in and out. Breathe with me.' I struggled to follow his instructions, but even the bare minimum made me feel better. I managed a soft nod, breathing in with him then exhaled as he did. Rinse and repeat. Fuck, I was high. Too high. 'I'm sorry. I should've warned you. You probably think I did this on purpose. I didn't. Tell me when you want to leave and I'll get you home. Safe and sound.' I shook my head, breathing deeply and normally. He let my wrists go and I fought against myself to seek out that same warmth. I looked at him with half lidded eyes, shaking my head again.

'I'm okay, I'm good.' He smiled in response. He flicked the ashes onto the rolling tray, hitting it again. His drags off of things were heavenly. Like he was made to smoke. He was made to inhale and exhale delightful whisps of carbon dioxide. He was probably no good for me... but he had done nothing but be considerate and kind, regardless of his sarcasm and wit. Inevitably, I knew I had to check the time. I had class in the morning and I didn't want to start slacking now that it was my last semester of my senior year. He saw me check and looked away for a brief moment.

'You wanna go?' No. I don't. Not really.

'I have class in the morning..' I said the words softer than I expected, I really didn't want to leave. Han was cool, he smoked me out no questions asked.

'Ah, shit. I forgot. You a senior?' I nodded quickly, meeting his gaze. Was he always this close or am I just high? 'So, you're twenty..two?' I heard him ask, of course he should ask. It's the right thing to do.

'Twenty-two. Turning twenty-three. You?' He smiled softly, looking away.

'Too old for you, sweetheart.'

'That's not an answer.'

'Alright. I'm thirty-three.' I watched him with a sickenly interested gaze. He wasn't too old, eleven years was completely normal.. right? 'You shouldn't be thinking any of those thoughts, sweetheart. There's plenty of nice college boys out there for you.' I scoffed at the idea of it.

'I've had plenty of boyfriends and flings in my four years at college. They all suck. They're stupid and think they know everything.' That gets a real laugh out of him and all of a sudden, I want to make him laugh every day. It was such a nice laugh, not obnoxious.. just nice.

'What, I'm not stupid and think I know everything?' I wasn't sure if I was being tested by him or if he wanted a real answer.

'You don't seem stupid. You've only given the impression you know everything, not that you actually know everything. That's much better.'

'Is it? How's that?'

'Well, it's better to give the impression that you know things, rather than saying that you do. You don't say, you just do. I like that.' He nods with a thoughtful expression.

'What are you doing tomorrow?' That was sudden. I tried to think of something clever but all I could say was the obvious.

'Class.' I shrugged at my lame response. My eyes felt dry and itchy.

'Well.. what about after class?' I looked away, staring at my feet. Did he want to do something with me? I wasn't prepared for that.

'I.. nothing, really. Just... nothing.'

'You wanna get lunch?' Oh. He did want to do something. Shit. I could feel my heart race. I nodded, still looking at my feet. His carpet was so ugly, I could only describe it as brorange. Brown and orange. 'Okay, when is your class over?'

'I'm completely free around three.'

'Okay, I'll pick you up. Do you want me to take you home?'

'I don't wanna go, but I should.' He nodded, standing. Han held his hand out to help me off the couch. His hand dwarfed mine and he pulled me nearly into his chest. I had to place my hand on it and he smiled, I steadied myself with a blush. Fuck, he had a strong chest. I felt his hand grab my waist to help me keep my balance. This was.. dangerous territory, I should've moved away. I really should've, but I was glued to the spot.

'Thank you.' I blushed even more seeing him look down at me like that. There was just something about the way he looked at me. Like I was all that he wanted. He looked hungry.

'Oh, ain't nothin'. Don't worry.' He reluctantly let go, stepping back. He looked over at Chewie, who had been sleeping on the otherside of the room on a slightly too small bed. He whistled at him and Chewie stood, stretching for a long moment. 'Wanna come with, boy? Do you mind?' He asked me, I was slightly taken aback by the consideration. I shook my head, smiling at him.

'Go ahead, he's cute, he can tag along.'

'Am I cute?' He asked back, how do I say 'You're the hottest man I've ever met in my entire life and I would fuck you right now' without sounding crazy?

'You're alright.' I gave him a teasing smile, he grinned back.

'You're cute when you blush. I like that.' Huh? I'm fairly certain my brain shut down. No, I think I just heard the windows error noise over and over in my head.

'That's sweet of you, Han.' I looked anywhere but him as he hooked Chewie's leash to his collar. He gave me that look again.

'I like the way you say my name..' a shiver ran down my spine. I felt hot, like I was going to spontaneously combust on the spot. I didn't say anything as we went to the door. That didn't have to mean anything, people can say that, sometimes a voice sounds nice saying certain words. I kept telling myself that, because there's certainly no way he thinks I'm attractive in the same magnitude I think he's attractive.. Han opened the door for me, I caught his gaze for a brief moment, it was always intense. His brows pulled together slightly in a way that made him look confused, like he didn't know why I stopped and stared at him. Like he didn't know what he was doing to me, I refused to believe that for a fraction of a second. I just stepped out the doorway and across the porch as he shut the door behind himself. 'Y'allright?' That was the second time tonight he had asked and this time I had to lie.

'Yeah, sorry.. just stoned out of my gourd.' I was high, but how do you tell someone you just met that you're completely enamored with him? You don't or else you look insane. I just open his gate and we step out to the sidewalk. It's dark now, darker than before, if that was even possible. The walk was mostly silent, both of us high enough to enjoy the silence. His boots sounded louder on the pavement than when we walked together earlier, I watched his steps. He walked with this purposeful swagger. The way he carried himself was carefree, loose.. but he had such intention behind his movements. He didn't even stop walking when he took out a cigarette and lit it. He flicked the zippo shut with a clink before pocketing it again. I could see my apartment in the distance, I already worried about saying goodbye. Our shoulders bumped for half a second, I fought the urge to flinch, he was strong and broad.. that made it incredibly hard to ignore bumping into him. The simplest of actions brought out the most violent reactions. Teases, hints, whispers of what his body was capable of. What he was capable of. I tried to not think about his arms pulling me close, what it would be like to grip them for dear life.. I was a goner.

'Right here, yeah?' He pointed with his fingers again, I stared at the cigarette perched between them. I hadn't wanted a cigarette in a long time, but looking at his cigarette made me want to smoke with a new found fervor. My tongue swiped across my lips as I looked where he pointed.

'Y-yeah.. Can I get a drag before you go?' He gave me that crooked grin, his eyes flashed with amusement.

'Sure, little lady.' He passed me the cigarette and I put it to my lips. Immediately I tasted him on the filter, my eyes fluttered at the thought of tasting him for real. Made my knees weak and my heart flutter in that way when you're anxiously excited for something. It felt like right before the big drop on some absurd coaster at a theme park. It felt dangerous, but it couldn't really be all that bad. My fingers trembled as the warm smoke scorched my lungs in that familiar way. It reminded me of summer nights with my friends, before we all split for college. I don't even know what half of them are up to now. I handed it back to him, exhaling deeply. His hands were so so enticing as his fingers plucked the cigarette from mine. His fingertips were rough, I tried to imagine them on my thighs or mine stomach, all the soft, sensitive parts of me.

'I'll call you tomorrow.' The way he said it made me believe him. He'd call and we'd get lunch tomorrow afternoon. I smiled up at him and he took a step closer. He was magnetic, I matched the step closer.

'Sounds like a date- a plan. Sounds like a plan.' I blushed again, looking away. He moved his hand to my chin, tilting my face back to him. It felt electric, amazing, he had this way of controlling the situation. His fingers lit my skin desperately, my nerve endings had gone haywire. He shook his head, his smile fading softly as he leaned closer.

'It can be a date.' His voice was low, it was only us on this dark street. No reason to not whisper. I couldn't breathe, I died and went to some sick and twisted version of heaven. He leaned in slowly, inching painfully closer, painfully slow.

'What are you doing?' I rushed the words out, they were soft and shaky. 'I think you're making a mistake.'

He shook his head slightly, briefly flashing that smile as he chuckled. 'Trust me, I'm a nice man.' I blinked at him, completely pliable to his advances.

'Yeah, but-' He cut me off, his plush lips pressed to mine. It was slow, gentle, not what I expected him to kiss like. His scruff was just the right amount of scratchy against my face, I instinctively held his face. I couldn't think, there were no thoughts, no coherent ones. My brain went silent the second I felt his hands grip my waist. I exhaled into the kiss and he got hungier. His kisses grew in passion, like he was starving and I'd keep him fed and alive for another day. He tugged me closer, our hips pressed into each other which gave me enough for my imagination to run wild with. He pulled away, unfortunately. I wanted to die the second he did. He wasn't far away from my lips and I could close the gap, did he want me to? I would, oh, I would for him. I hesitantly brushed my lips against his, which he returned softly.

'I.. uh.. that was.. I- wow.' I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get the wrinkles in my brain to work, form words to make sentences but shit. Nothing happened.

'Did I kiss you stupid?' He teases softly, that made me roll my eyes so hard I swear I saw the brain that wasn't working right.

'Shut up. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe.' I pulled away, petting Chewie, who had just been sitting patiently. 'Bye, Chewie.'

'Maybe? Darlin', I'll be seein' ya.' I look back for a moment and I see him grinning wide, he's the cat that caught the mouse.

'You better not leave me hanging. Goodnight, Han.'

'Goodnight, sweetheart.'

-

The apartment wasn't dark when I opened the door. In fact, my whole friend group sat around the living room as I walked in. They were all looking at me, God, I was too high for this shit. They all looked worried. Great.

'Where have you been?' Sofia, who was the overbearing mom friend of the group asked. She even looked like a mom, legs crossed, arms crossed, sat in a chair wearing a robe. God damn. I shook my head, waving her off.

'Out. I left the party, went on a walk.' They were not buying it. In fact, they looked even more angry.

Aubrey followed me with her eyes, they were narrowed and suspicious. 'This didn't have anything to do with that older guy at the party? You both left at almost the same time, if I recall correctly.' Aubrey was always unnecessarily wary and cautious. She was under the impression I was up to no good. We definitely had a more strained friendship than everyone else. I clenched my jaw, shaking my head.

'Are we playing twenty fuckin' questions here?' I didn't want to snap, but these people dragged me to a party I didn't want to be at, then got mad I left and made my own fun. 'Look, I don't get on your asses about frat hopping, so don't get on my case if I don't want to do that.' That really set them off. Really the dynamic here barely worked, we had to be friends because we were roommates in this college campus apartment. We had no choice but to be friends or else it'll be mutually assured destruction. No roommates, no college, no degree, all because some girls couldn't get along? Pretty common occurrence, apparently, you'd be surprised.

'We're not playing twenty questions, we were worried!' Jaime was always the mediator, she always smoothed shit out one way or another. Quite the pacifist. She was the easiest one to get along with and arguably the only one I'd confidently call my friend.

'If you were so worried, how come no one called?' I held my phone up, checking to confirm that there were no calls.

'Please, you reek of weed. Where were you, with that drug dealer? God, he's fucking weird and so are you for even talking to him.' That hurt. Thanks, Aubrey. I couldn't help it, I pointed at her, nearly seething.

'I don't judge you for fucking frat row, don't judge me for the company I keep.' This was going so well, it was amazing. Honestly, it couldn't be better. I had already considered moving out, asking my parents for help, anything. This year had been really hard because of the messy roommate-frenemies situation, it was literally September. I graduate in winter, this was my last semester. 'I'm going to bed.' I left them all in the living room looking like fish, bulging eyes and open mouths. I refrained from slamming my door, but I muttered the whole time I got ready for bed.

Who did they think they were? They give attention to smarmy dudes who literally only want one thing. Shit, Helena got dumped by one guy because his friend group all dumped their girlfriends. Come to think of it, Helena didn't say anything during that whole tiff. Not surprising, she was the least involved in the drama that was five young women trapped in an apartment together. I'm fairly certain they all were the mean girl at their high school, which was the exact person who gave me hell in high school. What's mind boggling is that shit doesn't end in high school, apparently.

I laid in bed, staring at my phone. It was late. I could call my mom tomorrow and just cry to her but then I would be infantilized and that would make me feel worse. I was just about to close my phone and just go to bed when I got a notification. A text, no one texts me. Well, not a lot. It wasn't any of my roommates, trying to lick my wounds and suck up.

'You up?'

I assumed it was Han, but numbers get passed around in college like a digital STD. I waited, not responding.

'It's Han.' ThankGod.

'Yeah.'

'Thinking of me?;)'

'No.'

'Ouch.'

'My roommates gave me shit. Not in the mood.'

'Want me to beat them up?'

'🙄No, Han, they're stupid college girls. And I hate them. But no acts of violence.'

'Yeah, I don't beat up girls.'

'Good to know.'

'What if I cheered you up?'

'How?'

'Idk you tell me. You're the one bummed out.'

'A kiss would be nice.'

'💋'

'Duuuuuumb goodNIGHT Han.'

'Dream of me, will ya?'

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help it when I blushed. God, he was infuriating but so charming and dare I say cute? I closed my phone, turning the light out and preparing to fall into a dreamland my weed soaked brain conjured up.

-

I wasn't prepared when I woke up. Not for the day, not for school.. not for life, at this point. The apartment was empty because all the girls had morning classes that started at eight. Dummies, nine o'clocks were where it was at. I stretched, grabbing my phone, checking my notifications. Han texted me. Wow.

'Good morning, cutie. Still on for 3? I hope so. Also Chewie says hi.' He had attached a photo of Chewie spread out on his bed, looking ridiculously comfortable. I couldn't blame him, sleeping next to Han was probably delightful. I didn't respond immediately because I was a bit shocked that he had texted me so early and so soon. That wasn't like a guy would normally do. Well, not college guys... Han was grown. Mature.. okay well, not mature. Just.. older. He knew what he wanted, clearly he didn't want to play games. I just got ready for school, trying to push him from my brain until after class. My first class was three hours of dull. The professor lectured on and on, it was sleep inducing. It should be called melatonin 102 and not advanced calculus. I suffered through it, then I had class at one, it was much shorter and more interesting. By the end of class I forgot that I had to text Han back. I muttered a quick 'fuck' under my breath and texted him. Nice thing about college, they didn't really care if you had to send a text in class.

'Yeah, sorry, was busy with class.'

'Aren't you still in class?'

'Maybe.'

'Naughty.'

I hid my face for a few seconds, recovering before I faced my classmates, like they knew what Han just texted me. The class finished twenty minutes later and I scurried out of it. I wanted to go drop my stuff off and change. When I got back to the apartment, it was still empty. thank you, Jesus. I was still bitter about last night. I didn't feel like facing them again. I changed quickly, pulling on a hoodie but keeping my jeans and chucks on. Han texted me again.

'Where am I snagging you, sweet thing?'

'Are you always going to call me stuff like that?'

'Until you ask me to stop. Want me to stop?'

'... no.'

'Okay then where am I getting you?'

'Same place you dropped me off, I'll be outside.'

'You got it.'

I literally ran out there, Han was a two minute drive down the street. I waited on the sidewalk, contemplating what I was even doing? This man had me totally interested, but I couldn't read his vibe. Was he interested? Was this a sick game he played? I hadn't heard any rumors about him, which inevitably the girls would've tacked on last night. They knew everything about everyone every time. I wasn't sure they weren't psyops. All I knew about Han was that he was hot, made me feel alive, and that he was really, really cool. He pulled up in a Chevy Bel Air, which promptly dropped my jaw. I knew enough about cars from my dad and grandfather to know that this was a cool car. I immediately opened the door and dropped into the car.

'You drive a Bel Air?'

'You know cars?'

'I know enough, enough to know that this is a bitchin' car. Damn.' The look he gave me was best described as cartoon heart eyes. He had this dumb smile on his face, he shook himself out of it after a second.

'Lord, you're gunna kill me, girl.'

[pragnificent]

Anyway when I was 17 (so like I said, literally 23 years ago) I bottle raised a Rottweiler puppy, and I knew I couldn't keep him bc I was moving out soon and I already had a big dog.

My aunt asked for him, and even tho she was (and is) a shitty person* I thought it would be good to keep him in the family so I could check-in.

Aunt told us to "come take this dog" like four hours later.

So then Ken, my father, said that he wanted to give the puppy to one of his co-workers (they were nurses) who had a kid, but for some reason that I cannot explain in retrospect, that idea upset me and I dug my heels in about it, and insisted on giving him to the humane society because they knew best how to find a good home.

And like, I basically said that to the humane society worker when I surrendered him, and they looked at me weird but didn't say anything to me against that idea.

And like, Ken was so fucking mad at me for that. Like hurt-angry. And he's been dead since 2019 but the last few months I just like fucking get fixated on this particular situation with the puppy and the possibility that maybe I gave him REASONS to hate me and the issue wasn't that he he was an abuser but rather that I was a mean crazy bitch that was impossible to live with.

Which, objectively, I know that I would IMMEDIATELY dismiss as BS if someone else said it to me, even if that person had only gone through a 10th of the shit he did, but guess what??? My brain hates me and my emotions are never ever Valid even if everyone else's are!

And ALSO, like, I know at least some of the reasons why I was resistant to give the puppy to his friend were like... Not based on nothing. I was at the hospital they worked at when I had my spinal surgeries and just... Terrible traumatic experience. I got an infection in my incision bc the nurse spilled a bed pan on it (and the wound care for that was probably the most painful thing I've ever experienced) and I remember listening to a baby down the hallway SCREAMING for what seemed like FOREVER bc the nurse couldn't get a vein.

And like if you have never heard a little baby SCREAMING in pain just be happy that you haven't.

And like ALSO Ken shockingly was not a good judge of character, and I can only remember meeting a couple friends of his that weren't Awful... Like the first time I heard the n-slur out loud was from one of his friends and also a couple years before Ken died one of his friends tried to murder -suicide him by grabbing the steering wheel while Ken was driving. Crashed the car so hard that it was totaled.

But yeah. Just gotten fixated lately (actually, I am self aware, whenever I'm PMSing) that

1.) I was a Bad Kid actually (I am Aware that even a Bad Kid did not deserve all of that) and that I gave him Valid Reasons to hate me.

2.) That I Hurt and Upset what MIGHT have been a Nice Lady with a Nice Kid by refusing to give him the puppy, and in the process cheated him out of a Nice Home.

3.) That the puppy might have, for some reason, been euthanized rather than adopted out. I know this is unlikely, he was a healthy ten week old puppy that at least seemed to be purebred and very adoptable... But like shelters struggle so much to have room.

Anyway, that was my entirely too long vent post... I'm going to go play Ark now.

* She's full-on Qanon now and abandoned her children, one of which was still a minor and the other had multiple kids and a drug problem, to go live in a desert compound out west.

[stampy-offical]

More of hells little darling!

Alyx is of course the one who first comes to come to grips with their feelings.

She finds this out through a talk with rosie.

It went like 'hey..Rosie?' "Yes sugar?" 'I was talking to friends about what kind of men or women we like...' "yes?" 'Well I was thinking a tall string caraing man..maybe even one who's good with kids and is a big softie..like he's a large teddy bear." 'Stampy.' "W-what?" 'You just told me you fell in love with stampy.' "...oh my lucifer." 'Don't worry honey. Girls get time to understand who they like before they become women. I wish you the best of luck!'

Stampy meanwhile Was oblivious and both him and husk were just laughing.

Husk:so...Alyx?

Stampy:huh?

Husk:come on you get a doopy smile chuckle a lot and you even get all stary eyed watching her fight.

Stampy:aye! She's just a very good and elegant dame. I like her cause she's smart hard working and a gentler soul. Simple. You however like angel.

Husk:huh? No I don't. I pity him.

Stampy:you make him special drinks save him from loan sharks shoot at any Vee employee who looks at him funny and baby his pet pig.

Husk:...he's good company and I like Nuggets..

Stampy:sure....

*five hours of drinks later.*

Stampy:*drubk as shit*..she doseny like me like that....I'm an old sun of a bitch...I'm a geezerr...she's a young strong lady...

Husk:*also drubk* im just...*hic* just sayikg..vall..Val dosent deserve angel I..I do I treat him roght.. I make him happy and all kinds of glad...I make him feel lovesd...

*both then pass out after another hour of drinks and pretentious finds them and while talking to them.*

Pretentious:I felt that way with Cherry bomb. Just be honest and hope for the best..

Husk:*Strugling to stand* i-ii I can do that..

Stampy:*grumbling about Later with his face on the counter.*

It took MONTHS of alastor and Dawn trying to get them together before they asked Nifty for help.

Nifty cracked her neck and grabbed Al's mic and yelled into it. "JUST KISS" "AND YOU GAYS NEED TO CONFESS! GET GOING!"

Charile then found out and started doing everything in her power to help while Vaggie and Rosie set up date ideas.

Rosie got stampy and alyx on a romantic walk in the most flowery part of cannibal town.

Vaggie meanwhile shoved Husk and angel into a restaurant the hotel denizens frequent.

After the dates they got congratulations and gifts from friends.

Lucifer of course got them ducks.

Alastor gave Stampy the talk. Alo stampy did was laugh and say if anyone's killing him it'd be Alyx or Dove. Not Him.

Husk meanwhile sent a pic of a sleeping angel dust with a note 'He's mine forever. FUCK YOU! The casino master PS your staff are banned from my business'

The Vees still keep hearing the bitch fests Valentino has about it.

Vellette tried to harass Stampy about his engagement in a overlord meeting only for stampy to snap back.

Vel:come on you geezer isn't she a little young for you?

Stampy:isn't this position of power too much responsibility for you?

Vel:listen here you old fossil!

Stampy:and last I checked your love life wasn't better. Why are you here again? Oh right! Murdering your Ex! Which one was he? 1st? 2nd?

Vel:*ashamed* 4th...

Stampy:1st ex left her for her mother. 2nd left you for the neighbor. 3rd ran away with your dad. And then there's the men who used you to get to your cousins. Or your friends.

Vel:*turning red* SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Stampy:what was that old phrase? Always a bridesmaid never a bride? Well yours is worse. Always the matchmaker never the partner. I might have never dated in my living life. But at least I'm doing better then you.

Alastor:*who saw everything with the other overlords* This is a productive meeting!

Zesteail:*Laughing at Vellette*

That little dig resulted in 5 non stop weeks of vee attacks. All the while husk and stampy have the time of their lives mocking them.

Alastor meanwhile is with dove just enjoying the good married life and spending time watching their daughter enjoy her afterlife.

[papacopia-crucified]

After Dark pt5

(hey lovelies. Here's the new part of After Dark. I know it's been a while since I uploaded, forgive me sorellas.)

All day and all night, you tried to figure out who wrote you the threat letter. It must be someone from the past… as you read in there, he or she suffered so much, but it’s not your fault. That dream you had about Copia was still lingered in your mind, it was so real but unrealistic too.

“So they did have a concert, and Copia saved me, but I think what happened after that was only a dream, at least I feel like it. What I have to do Penelope? It’s so confusing.”

*squeal*

“Huhh?” You felt something on your lap and it was him. Or so you thought.

“Copia? Copia!” You grabbed the bat and hugged him to your chest. And after you moved it to eye level. “Are you my Papa or not? What am I saying? You’re just a bat. But I love you so.” You kissed its head and it crawled onto you shoulder and rubbed its head to your cheek.

“You’re really are a cute little bat, aren’t you?” That’s when someone knocked on the door. And when you opened it the little bat made a confusing little sound. And your mouth were hanging open.

“Hello (Y/n).” The ghoulette stood there all in her glory, she was smiling at you and Copia.

“Wait…. Are you…. Cirrus?!”

“Heya. I knew you’d recognise me.”

“Oh… how rude I am come on in.” You opened the door wider and she nodded before she get into and closed the door behind you two.

“Thank you. You have a nice home here. Anyway. I am here because I have to tell you that we wanna know you better, you know.” You motioned to her to sit down to the kitchen table and she sat down.

“Ahh… I see. Well…. I though that it was all a dream, but I see it is not.”

“Yes. All that happened it’s true. You really saw Papa in his true form.”

“So that means…. I’m really his Prime Mover?” You placed two cups, sugar and tea on the table and sat down in front of her. “May I?”

“Yes thank you. And yes. You’re his Prime Mover. And the ritual has to be done.” You poured the two of you tea and put sugar on the two cups and she kept stirring it.

“Ritual?”

“It’s not what it sounds like. You know we call the concerts rituals too, but this is a different kind. Technically you and Papa become one and you’ll bare his heir.”

“So it’s impregnating.”

“No not just that. Yes it’s a part of it, but the most important thing is that you and Papa will be wed and after it comes the mature part of it.” You felt that your cheeks heat up at the though of having sex with your Papa. And even wed him. That sounds like a dream.

“I see.”

“We have a place near here, there’ll be a party. Just the ghouls and ghoulettes, and even all the Papa’s will be there. I’m sure Copia won’t mind if you’d be there. And as I said we want to know you better too.” She smiled and drank from the mug. Don’t worry, the other ghoulettes’ll be helping you to dress up for the party.”

“Thank you so much! I really appreciate it and to be honest…. I cannot wait to meet Copia again. And the other Papa’s too. Oh shit. You mean Primo, Secundo and Terzo? I thought they’re dead.”

“Oh of course not. It’s just a distraction. For the show of course. They’re living their life. Primo is mainly attend to his garden in the clergy, Secundo is basically doing paperwork and Terzo… we’ll be careful cause he’s a real womanizer.”

“Oh I saw some video from the previous rituals, I know he’s a ladies guy.”

“If there’s an opportunity to make Copia jealous, you know how you have to ask.” She drank the the from the cup.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” You winked and laughed with her. You two had the longest conversation about her and the whole Clergy the tours and what happened on them.

“Oh my. It’s already 7.”

“Yeah time flies so fast.” Cirrus was checking her watch, you did not even knew that she has a watch on her wrist.

“I have to work today.”

“That’s sucks.”

“Hey, you can maybe tell the ghouls and ghoulettes that I’ll gladly see them in the disco tonight. You know to party and drink.” You offered

“That would be great. I guess I see you soon.” You escorted her to the door and you two bid goodbyes and closed the door right after Cirrus left your property. You squeaked just like how Copia would and jumped onto your bed. Copia before your body could hit the ground flew away onto the surface of the aquarium where Penelope was fast asleep.

“Copia.. I’m sorry I’m just so excited. I cannot believe the Ghouls/Ghoulettes wanna know me better. Maybe Papa’ll be there too. What am I thinking. But he’s so handsome. Maybe I can get a kiss from him. Ahhh…. but I’m too shy. I’d be like a babbling mess.” You pressed your head down onto the pillow and sighed. After you decided to take a relaxing bath.

“I’ll go shower, maybe take a bath. In the meantime be good.” You closed the bedroom door and get into the bathroom. Quickly tossed the clothes that were on you aside and when you looked into the mirror you saw that where your scar were there appeared the number IV.

“What???!” You touched the symbol and it was still scar like but it was more brown-ish but not that dark shade. “Maybe it’s a Prime Mover thing.” You shrugged your shoulders and started the shower. That’s when Copia decided that he waits no more and transforms into his real form. He knew it was bad, but he needed to see you. In your glory, he quickly approached the bathroom and opened it a little. His breath was taken away by your beautiful body which was wet from the shower, slowly applied pressure to your shoulders as you washed yourself.

“Ohh.. Cara Mia.” He felt his cock harden sand palmed it, causing him to hiss as quietly as possible. He knew it was shameful, but he felt that temptation to touch you, make love to you. As you rubbed shower gel into the inside of your thighs your other hand found your hole and rubbed your clit with on finger. A little moan left your mouth.

“Papa….” Left your mouth as you inserted one finger and pumped it in and out. “Ahh… please.” Added another. Your back slammed onto the cold tile to support yourself.

“(Y/n). I can’t, no longer stay away from you my wife.” He cannot resist and pulled down his pants and boxers a little, enough to pull his cock free, which was painfully hard. He moved his hand on it just as you fingered yourself, mimicking your fingers, oh how he wished it was his cock in your pussy. His breathing became more heavy, pumping his hand on his cock, watching you pleasure yourself.

“Please Papa….. ahh yes Copia.” When he heard his name from your lips, he lost it. Pumping his hand faster he knew he was gonna release soon. He just wanted to rail you in that shower, making you his already, soaking your insides with his cum. Fill your core, fuck a baby in you. But, as he knew everything goes according to plan.

“I’m… coming. Copia I’m coming.”

“Come for me mio topolino.” He was more louder that he wanted and you did as he told, came hard just as he spent himself the same time as you. Your raggedy breath slowly calmed down as you came down from your heigh and showered a little bit more. On the other hand Copia was tried to get something to clean up his own cum. It would be suspicious if you found it right in the doorway. He was fast and when he cleaned up after himself he transformed back into a bat and flew into your room, right next to Penelope, who was eating her food. It took you a while to get into your bedroom cause you figured out that Copia must be hungry. So you defrosted some blood and poured it into his bowl. Opened the bedroom door you saw that Copia was playing with your rat.

“I hope you two behaved, Copia I got you some blood. Please slurp it up. You’ll need to eat.” As you placed it down his mouth latched on it and started to eat. “Good boy Copia.” And you started to get some clothes for the night shift, and impatiently waited for the party to begin.

Heya ghesties! Thank you for reading. I know it’s short so bare with me.❤️

I love you all. 🖤🖤🖤

[antvnger]

Soooooooo since I was only around in the movie for like 30 minutes or so, I missed loads of like actual important information that would’ve been nice to know beforehand.

The short answer rant is this: What. A. Shit show.

Like…like hell, I don’t even know where to start with all of this. It gave me a headache.

Brace yourselves, gang, I’m not holding back.

First of all, apparently sitting down and having an actual conversation about the Accords was a little too much to do for them? Like they started to but nothing came out of it. A stand still. I would think something that big would make them sort through it all until they came to some kind of collective agreement, but I guess not? 🤷🏻‍♂️

Secondly, both sides made mistakes. Big time. Both thought they were doing right, and I definitely get that, but both sides could’ve done better at what they were doing. I guess retrospect’s 20/20 but yeah.

Also, I really can’t stand Ross. Not the clean shaven Ross but the one with the mustache and the high and mighty, sourpuss attitude. Like what a creep.

The real bad guys here? The government.

How the hell did the Avengers just learn about the Accords 3 days before they’re supposed to be ratified? Shouldn’t that have been like breaking news from the moment somebody breathed about it?

And Ross being like “you’ll retire” if the Avengers decide to go against the Accords? As if he could actually do anything about it. I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is? Thanos?

Also what is it with baseball caps and sunglasses as disguises? I know I pulled the same stunt but it wasn’t my idea. I said no and got outvoted.

And look, I think Wanda’s great, but she wasn’t a kid at the time this all went down. I appreciate Cap wanting to protect her since she was like the newbie, but she messed up. That was really bad. I don’t know what she could’ve done to fix it, but maybe at the very least the Avengers could have issued a public apology.

I think Steve has serious Bucky issues and I genuinely don’t understand.

And Vision saying the whole world started having more enhanced since/because Tony said he’s Iron Man is bullshit. Last I checked, and Ant Mun backed me up here, all the big bads that have shown up in our world happened because of things NOT related to Tony! What, just because they called the move Captain America Civil War, they’re gonna make Tony the bad guy or something? Bullshit.

ALSO! When T’Challa was fighting Bucky and the UN chopper just started shooting at them both, thank goodness T’Challa was wearing Vibranium or that would have caused a plethora of other problems. Funny how the Avengers get fingers pointed at them over collateral damage for the sake of the mission when that chopper was literally doing THE SAME THING.

WHY DIDNT STEVE JUST EXPLAIN TO TONY TEN MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE THAT BUCKY WASNT BUCKY AND HAD NO CONTROL WHEN THE WINTER SOLDIER SHIT HAPPENED?!

Oh don’t worry. I’m getting to Siberia, hold your horses.

I’m not really sure on the timeframe here, but I’m think the Accords weren’t actually ratified yet when the whole airport fight happened soooooooo I don’t think Creepy Ross had any real power yet to tell Tony what to do.

I’m not going to touch on the lady who lost her son because I can’t even fathom that kind of grief. And I don’t want to. Ever. And I know grief makes you do things so I don’t know. My heart just hurts for her. I hate Tony got the brunt of that but still.

Speaking of grief making you do things? Zemo. I know who he is now, and I really can’t stand the guy. I hate he lost loved ones, and I hurt for him in that department. But when he decided to go all batshit psycho over it, some sympathy’s lost. Like he went through some hella trouble to make the Avengers unravel.

Siberia…*sigh* Siberia was really hard to watch. Like it was painful. It was…frightening. I almost wish I didn’t watch it. I had an idea what was going to happen because of what Tony shared but to see it for myself…

*sigh* This whole movie is a testament to honesty, trust, and open communication. Or rather what could happen with a lack there of. Ya know, me hearing about the Avengers before I joined them and seeing them on tv for interviews and stuff, I thought they were tight. An actual, close knit team. Maybe a found-family. But sooooooo much could’ve been avoided if they had just acted like that.

If they’d just sat down and talked it over. They could have an arguing match over it all if necessary, hell friends and families do that. If they had really trusted each other and let each other in on things instead of keeping each other out and building up secrets and agendas. Too many bosses and not enough coworkers.

It hurt, Iron Mun. It hurt to watch. Those are my friends and…there were times it felt like I didn’t even recognize them.

And then watching me show up felt so surreal. They got that whole interaction with the rest of “Team Cap” down to a T. I remember being so excited to be called up by one of the OG Avengers, one of my heroes, feeling honored and ready to do more and help people and do what’s right. Make a bigger difference than I already was. But God, I had no idea. I had no fricking clue.

In the end, Civil War was just like any other war. A mess. Both sides made mistakes, everything could’ve been done better, and nobody came out unscathed. In fact, everything ended up worse because of it.

@stxrksarc

[lemonhemlock]

Heeeyy, it’s the anon who sent in an ask a while ago about shipping Alicent with others out of spite. Feel free to ignore this ask if you’re tired of ship asks (I see you’ve already received more than enough lol) or if it’ll start any unnecessary discourse you’d rather avoid.

Just wanted to pop in and say that most people on Twitter are not okay. I had no followers nor was I following anyone and I had people screenshot a very innocuous Alicole tweet (it was literally a picture of a lady and her knight, basic) and talk badly of me - apparently I am lesbophobic and Cole is misogynist with anger issues 🤷‍♀️. Newsflash: Rhaenicent is not a healthy ship either, none of ASOIAF ships are.

I then came out as a Larycent shipper. I got ratioed (as much as, again, someone with no followers can).

Anyways, I got bored and deactivated but before I did, things got messy. There was group chat drama, people were saying pro-shippers deserve to be bullied etc.

All this to say that I am frustrated with the performative activism this fandom participates in, though I’m sure the same can be said for other fandoms. What’s the point of defending a celebrity by insulting another celebrity, or worse, another user? (Sorry but I’ll sympathize with a “regular” person over a celebrity any day. Imo, they don’t really care about bullying, they just project onto their favorite character or celebrity.) What makes one inherently morally better by being an “anti” but turn around and shit-talk people’s appearances or character? Real people with real lives and issues. Characters are fictional they do not exist, it comes off as disingenuous and self-righteous. I need people to do better.

Thanks for entertaining this ask, hope you’re doing well!

welcome back, anon. i hope you're doing well, too; don't allow this pointless drama more headspace beyond it being a funny anecdote. also, by this point, you guys should check-in using stage names. :)) or serial killer names. or maybe racing horse names ?? (those are always funny)

I had no followers nor was I following anyone and I had people screenshot a very innocuous Alicole tweet (it was literally a picture of a lady and her knight, basic) and talk badly of me - apparently I am lesbophobic and Cole is misogynist with anger issues

wow, how did they even manage to find you out in a sea of accounts with no followers or following anybody? i can understand the logic of dogpilling on a popular account, because they're visible in the fandom, but this? don't these people have, idk, jobs? do they not have to go to the grocery store or smth? what kind of lame-ass surveillance state? 😂

Newsflash: Rhaenicent is not a healthy ship either, none of ASOIAF ships are.

this is why shipping wars are even stupider in asoiaf-verse. what exactly moral high ground do you think you're defending here? i keep hearing "at least it's not an inc3st ship" well ok congratulations they're fucked up & unhealthy in a different way then?

I then came out as a Larycent shipper. I got ratioed (as much as, again, someone with no followers can).

ohhhhh anon you're a brave one with larycent there! i gotta say i was into it at the beginning bc he was super fucking yandere about it to the point of it being hilarious and, also, who can resist murderous puppy dog eyes ??? but the latter part of the season, esp. ep 9, put me off and i fed myself on the green family dynamics crumbs

Anyways, I got bored and deactivated but before I did, things got messy. There was group chat drama, people were saying pro-shippers deserve to be bullied etc.

group chat drama? is that a discord thing? i feel like it's a discord thing. this is so funny to me bc the only way "group chat drama" leaks is if you have traitors in your midst who screencap and then spread it around. so who are these conspirators? these subversive agents? these freedom fighters? who watches the watchers? 😅

What makes one inherently morally better by being an “anti” but turn around and shit-talk people’s appearances or character? Real people with real lives and issues.

they end up appearance-shaming and have zero self-awareness about it? oh me oh my 💅

performative activism is a very good word for what the moral panic that has taken hold of this fandom, at least on tumblr/twitter. another thing that makes me laugh is when people write page-long essays saying "ofc you can ship whatever you want, BUT..." followed by an entire diatribe on why shipping said thing (even if it's within the confines of fiction and decidedly not irl) puts a stain on your moral character and you should basically be ashamed of yourself 😂 so which is it? can people ship in peace or do you just want a pat on the head for being a good trooper?

[xoxoemynn]

Was tagged by @wistfulcynic to share my writing process, fun! Tagging @abigailpents, @red-sky-in-mourning, @montygreen, @gayhoediaz, aaaaand....I think I've already seen all my writer mutals active on Tumblr tagged in this BUT if you have not been, please consider yourself tagged.

Do you write in order? I do. I have to. I will happily tell other people that if they're stuck, they should skip the scene and come back later, but when I try to do it, I fail. My brain just won't let me proceed with the next until I know exactly what happens in the moments leading up to it, because WHAT IF SCENE A INFLUENCES SCENE B? I do wish I could jump around, but I can't.

How fully formed does your writing come out the first try? Pretty damn finished. I may go back in and add some flourishes, but overall, I'd say it's about 95% there.

How many drafts do you go through? Depends if it's a one shot or something like WTDB. One shots usually it's first draft, possibly pass it off to a beta reader, revised draft, and then I do another round of editing once I upload to AO3 because I swear I always find new things to fix once I see it in a totally new format, bringing us to a total of three. WTBD? Depending on the chapter, but usually looking at five or six.

Tell me about your process. I've realized I have two non-negotiables. The first is music. Sometimes I don't have music on because I feel like I need to Focus and it turns out I just don't write anything. I created a writing playlist for WTDB that basically just became my writing playlist, period, because my brain now associates it with writing. Other non-negotiable is an outline. I need one. Even if it's just bullet points. Every time I try to pants it I just end up spinning my wheels until I give in and jot at least a few notes down.

Again, I'd say one shots are different than a longer piece like WTDB. One shot I come up with an idea, write down the gist of the idea and maybe key lines/details I want to include because my memory is shit and I WILL forget. Then I just open up the ole Google doc and get going. I'm a simple lady.

WTDB was a totally different ballgame. I used Scrivener for that, and I can't imagine writing something of that length without it. I had a tab for each character, as well as pages for key settings, descriptions, references, etc. before I officially started writing. Especially with the intro character background stories, I was often shimmying sections around, and Scrivener made it really easy to do that. Then I'd write a chapter, immediately send it off to @margotandthefox for a pulse check off "does this make sense, does this work, does anything stand out to you as off?" Get it back, make edits. Once I had a nice chonk together, I'd send off to @monksofthescrew to beta that entire section of chapters. I'd then do some initial revisions, then another round when it's actually time for the chapter to go up, and a final one on AO3. (Although with ch. 5 I skipped AO3 because I had already been looking at it so much and it was weirdly liberating.)

Also I'd be remiss if I didn't mention I'd be lost without @margotandthefox, who frequently lets me just throw half-baked ideas at her, sometimes via rambling text, sometimes rambling audio message, and work through areas when I'm stuck. Highly, highly recommend you get a friend like that. 💕

Only other note I thought I'd share is I read my writing out loud as I edit, which was a trick I learned from my days as a writing tutor. And when I read along in my head, the voice narrating WTDB, especially the intro scenes, is the voice of God/the narrator from Good Omens. Now you know.

[killian-whump]

what kind of tv show (or steaming series/movie)Colin character coven would they be apart of?

Well, I would think for almost all of them the best fit would be... umm... the one they came from?

But just to test this theory, we here at Killian-Whump Enterprises decided to employ a guinea pig brave soul to try it out.

Peter Sheerin: Oi, I'm Peter. I'm here to try it out. KWEnterprises: Thanks, Peter. We really appreciate your sacrifice. Peter: Ah, nobody said anything about a sacrifice. You said this was safe, yeah? And you said you'd pay me cover charges for a month. KWE: Yes. Yes, of course. Now, if you could be in any TV show ever, aside from your own of course, what would it be? Peter: One with some top tail, yeah, and a kickin' night scene. KWE: How about Game of Thrones? Peter: That's nothing like what I said, actually. KWE: Great! So it's settled.

And just like that, we sent young Peter off to explore Westeros. And he bravely went, despite his repeated insistence that this wasn't what he wanted at all, and only largely because we forced him to go.

Now let's check in on the brave lad...

Peter: I don't think I like it here. All my shit's in the other place, right, and nobody knows me here. Not to mention, there's no nightclubs, no proper sauce or smokes, and get this - my mickey's not even hairy here. KWE: Your WHAT? How is that even possible? Peter: Well, me mickey might still be hairy, but they won't let me say so. Say it's gotta be all clean and proper for the ladies or summat. Gotta shave all me bits and pieces before they'll put it on the screen. KWE: Oh. Well- Peter: Before they'll put it on the screen, did you hear me?! KWE: Yes, we heard you. Peter: They're puttin' willies on the screen left and right out here. You just turn around and BAM! somebody's willie's in your fuckin' face. It's not right cop, I tell you. And this one bloke... THIS ONE BLOKE... He says he ain't got one no more. KWE: Oh, yes. Well, that did happen... Peter: Where's it gone to if he ain't got it no more? KWE: They sent it to his family as a message. Peter: Did they now! They just steal a mate's mickey and send it off home like a fuckin' postcard? KWE: Something like that... Peter: Well, this place is no good. They don't even know what a nightclub is, and they got these flying lighters, yeah, but not even any piss-poor scrub to light with 'em, so what's the bleedin' point? Bring me home, would ya? Yeah?

And so we brought Peter home, and he fucked off to the pub and got himself roaring drunk and went home to sleep it off.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "Well, Peter seems pretty happy where he is, so maybe someone else should try?" But, well, they ALL seemed pretty happy where they are - or, at least, had to begrudgingly admit that things would definitely be no better off for them were they somewhere else.

I suppose there's a moral to be had there. Something about appreciating your lot in life and seeing how it could be so much worse without your family, your friends, your hometown and the luxuries and familiarities of home...

Peter: And your fuckin' mickey!!

We have to admit, Peter's experience does seem to have made the others very leery about trying any such experiments any time soon. Even Mark had to admit that he'd rather have his penis than a face.

Perhaps this would've gone differently if we'd sent him somewhere a little more... sedate. Like, say, perhaps Will & Grace.

Peter: Whassat? KWE: A sitcom, where a gay man lives with a feisty redhead- Peter: A what now? KWE: A feisty redhead. Peter: No, before that. KWE: A gay man? Peter: They let him do that there? KWE: Do what? Peter: Be gay? Like, they just say it right out like that? He doesn't have to rely on other blokes implying it and vague innuendoes? KWE: Yeah. He's just... gay. They both are. Peter: THERE'S MORE THAN ONE THERE?!

Oh dear. Well, we'll leave this post here now, as we send Peter off on an all-expense-paid trip through Gay TVLand. We reckon he's earned it, and good lord, he clearly needs it.

But rest assured, he'll come home after all is said and done. Because home is, after all, where the heart is.

Peter: But it ain't where the hard ons is!

Well, he'll eventually come home. We're sure.

Peter: Gay pirates, here I come!!!

...he's gotta get tired eventually.

[foxingpeculiar]

Disco Elysium liveblogging, round 3 (spoilers):

Okay, so I’m talking to the Union dudes on morning two. There’s a LOT going on here. 1) I did not expect them to confess, just like that. Like I thought they were gonna draw that out longer, at least. So what does that mean, where is this going? Is that there is an eighth person (a woman) unaccounted for? Is it that Whirling hired mercenary strikebreakers on the sly? Who are they protecting and why? How are those things going to tie into each other? I need to talk to that lady on the boat again—she’s up to her neck in this. 2) The way these guys are describing the behavior of the man they killed… sure sounds like something Harry would do, based on some of the prompts I was getting at the start of the game. Y’know, the whole “I’m Oranjenese (or w/e) Special Forces and I’m gonna fuck you all!” while singing karaoke bit. And the worse stuff—the harassment and rape… I dunno, there’s a sexual self-loathing flavor to some of Harry’s subconscious that I could see that fitting into pretty neatly. They’re really hammering home the connection between Harry and the corpse, like HARD. That has to have some major significance (and I still think it’s an ontological one at this point, at least in some way).

The cargo container is fucking with me. Like IS there some significance to it, and that’s why it keeps prompting me to think about that? Or is this the game playing “what’s in the box” to make some psychological point about me as a player? Like, I am *I* getting played by being as drawn to that as Harry potentially is? This feels like the kind of game that would pull that shit, and hard.

The highest mountain in the world is a volcano called “Corpus Mundi?” Okay. What is a volcano—it’s where new Earth spills out from underneath the surface. It’s also specifically a shield volcano. Which, scientifically, I think refers to the shape, but c’mon… shield, like defense, like from something horrible? And Corpus Mundi? That’s almost too easy. A direct acknowledgement of a layered existence, I suppose you could say. Like the hits just keep coming that all is not as it seems here.

And that ^ is why I knew before I even clicked on it that whatever was behind the “Slipstream SCA” button was gonna be weird. I was not disappointed. And like whatever she was talking about, it fits with the whole “left and leaving” theme that’s been cropping up. And it said she sounded “submerged,” which reminded me of the whole car-saying-it-was-underwater thing. I dunno. Why’d she call me Michel, though? Something to tick away.

Okay, I knew there was going to be something with the racist mug. So Evrart talked me into doing his thing (that conversation generally did not go that well) and, cat-killing curiosity be damned, I went in and now here we are. Kim is like “I don’t think this will lead to anything” but I do.

I sweet-tongued Plaisance (“yeah, I’m totally a paranormal detective!”) and now I’m back examining the diagram on the wall in, I think the window shop? The network of radio frequencies. And the one at the center is called “The Game Master Frequency,” and a thing about “Developers of the most advanced RPG in the universe.” I just… I dunno. Is there some meta-level happening here? Something else to kind of watch for. Like on the “Project Dread Board” nearby, the “Heat Death scenario” wherein “Wirral becomes untethered from its sun, drifting through the Universe.” That sounds like a very flowery way of describing a breakup, and maybe, by extension, the game I’m currently playing?

So I got the body into the bear fridge (which is awesome, btw) and then, against the odds (28%) passed the perception check and found the bullet. So what do I know? Dude was killed with a bullet. Meaning the Union dudes are protecting someone by faking a lynching. That someone is probably a woman, the so-called “eighth Hardie” and she has an odd gait. There’s also supposedly a woman hiding back in here somewhere (the “entity” that Plaisance was talking about). And there’s the mysterious nightclub lady at the Whirling-in-Rags. But I dunno. I guess we’ll see.

Okay, hold up. I’m talking to the dice lady, who says that none of the doorbells on the building work. But I talked to Plaisance through one, and heard the weird Slipstream message through another. So either she’s an unreliable source of information or I’m hallucinating. Either way, that seems worth registering. Wait no, Tricentennial Electric was there 100 years ago? Okay, so… I dunno. I don’t know what to make of that. This lady seems genuine, I guess, but there’s something creepy about her, lurking back here.