#like it��s hella parasocial to even care

[cazzle-dazzle]

Another reason I’ve been inactive is cuz I’m going through a weird patch of losing interest in a fandom I was once REALLY passionate about and in to. This happened before when I lost touch with Sanders Sides ages ago, but it still kinda hurts and makes me feel sad cuz here’s this thing that I was once SUPER happy about and looking at content for it would always brighten my day just a little and helped me so much through bad days and poor mental health patches. But now it doesn’t feel the same, it doesn’t make me feel all happy anymore and I just feel all disconnected from the it.

I’m just,,,,, I’m a HELLA sentimental person and I hate the process of becoming uninterested in an interest (to my knowledge, im not nd so im not gonna call them hyperfixations or special interests). It’s what I imagine falling out of love feels like.

The fandom I’m talking about now is specifically the Dream SMP but also kinda MCYT in general. I got into both in early December of 2020, like RIGHT when the exile arc started. And I had a BLAST diving headfirst into it. I watched the season 2 finale live and was just so happy with this content. But I never really got into season 3 and lately it’s just been a snowball of dying passion, I just couldn’t get interested in Wilbur’s revival, or Las Nevadas, or the prison, or the nuke and egg plot. I think the final nail in the coffin was Ranboo’s third canon death, I just didn’t care about what they could possibly do with the series after. Dsmp had me in an absolute chokehold for the first couple months of 2021, but I didn’t really care for the main storyline so for the better half of a year, my interest was solely in fan content (art and fics and stuff like that) of broad interpretations of the characters and au’s. This was also the time I was becoming aware of how much I enjoyed the idea of self-insert content but I was also hesitant to indulge in it since dsmp (and au’s)/mcyt content in general is HEAVILY linked with the creators and their lives and I just felt really uncomfortable with having a s/i there because it would never feel like interacting with fictional characters, it felt like also interacting with the people behind them and I felt way too uncomfortable pretending to be friends with ACTUAL. PEOPLE.

So yeah I ended up having a really complicated on/off interest with dsmp/mcyt for a while but the past couple weeks I’m just kinda done with it all. I miss all the really good stuff at the start of it but it hasn’t been able to make me feel anything close to that since.

Lmao guess I just needed to rant about that. I’ve always been pretty insecure about having interests so i just. Don’t talk about them. Anywhere. Me making fan content at all is already a lot for me even tho literally no one cares cuz the stuff I make and the media I indulge in are nothing bad but I always feel so embarrassed about it anyways.

To end this all off on a more positive note- I’m starting to pick up a new interest: DC. Ngl, I’m kinda terrified of it. There’s YEARS worth of comics, so many shows, so many movies, so much EVERYTHING to start looking into but I started a couple weeks ago and I’ve liked what I’ve dabbled in so far. I’m watching the og Teen Titans series from 2003 which is SICK AS HELL!! Can’t believe I never watched it when I was younger. As overwhelming as the extent of content there is, it’s also a kinda comforting, im going back to more familiar territory with completely fictional characters where I will have no guilt or fear of creating parasocial relationships. I’m also considering actually fully indulging in self-insert content with DC, make art of my s/i of them doing their thing and having superhero friends and just let me project!! Another thing I’m considering is dabbling in some writing so like headcanon bullet lists or little ficlets

But yeah I suppose a tldr of this post: I’m pretty much leaving the dsmp/mcyt fandom and I’m gonna start reblogging DC stuff to my page and making self-under content.