#like in general. has a tendency to stress me out way more than is worth risking by looking in ship tags on ao3

[bassiter2]

the level of emotional attachment that i have to whatever characters i'm most invested in at any given moment is that even simply seeing the preview of a fic for them tagged with "post-break up" is 90% likely to make me severely nauseous and want to cry. if not give me a literal panic attack

[blurreynights]

I think the biggest culture shock I experienced in Finland so far is around friendships, as well as the area where I learned a lot of valuable things about myself. I might not be entirely right about this as I've only been here for a short time, but those are my main take-aways:

(under the cut to not block ur tags w my english rambling)

Trying to build real friendships takes time, much longer than in my home country. It is relatively easy to get in contact with Germans in my experience, especially if you live in a bigger city and speak the language, ESPECIALLY if you are a student and just starting out in a new phase of your life. You will naturally hang out frequently if you match well and spend a lot of time together. It might take a few meetings before people will invite u to their home, but generally there's not much distance as soon as the ice is broken.

Here I feel like people are much slower and more reluctant to open up. But that doesn't equal rejection, it's simply a slower process and you will still be able to tell the difference between being rejected and being on the path of friendship. In Germany, it's usually a lot more fast paced and there is a small window you have to catch to get into tight friendgroups. If you miss it, no chance of ever going back, vibe gone chance gone. Also people who might have found you interesting could lose interest if you wait for too long (meaning usually a month or so) to get back to them.

I actually realized that this way of socializing stresses me tf out. I much prefer a more laid back approach where you can get to know each other without time limitations (of course prerequisite is that you have the time). It is a much more sustainable, thoughtful and respectful approach to someone elses time. You're not treated as disposable, but rather as a person someone actively chooses to get to know.

Likewise, if people feel like they either do not vibe with you or if they already have a very busy social life or life in general, they will let you know and don't pretend to have time or like you. This was quite a new thing to me and felt a bit cold, but I actually really appreciate it now, as it's saving you from stressful, draining interpersonal connections. It also made me respect some people immensely, because they know their own self worth and boundaries quite well.

It made me reflect upon my tendency to be a people pleaser, and the strong yearning I have to treat my own relationships the same way as I've experienced it here. I've grown so tired of superficial connections that are placeholders for true, fulfilling friendships. I used to think being lonely was the worst thing in the world. It kind of is still awful, but what's worse is being surrounded by a bunch of people you don't really click with or can rely on, which leaves you lonely as well. I do think letting go of this is something that will slowly seep over into my own life, as it is so freeing.

I also intend on staying, or rather coming back when I've finished up all my business back in Germany (I am not really rooted to the city I live in). People who I've told about this recent development were very worried if I would be able to be happy in a country that is (generally) much more reserved when it comes to social interaction, as I need social interaction regularly. I don't really think it's that big of an issue, as I think I can balance out people's passive approach with my more active one in the beginning. I have a high social battery, so I'm fine with interacting with a few more people, before people get truly comfortable to hang out on the regular. Yet I also prefer quality interactions over a bunch of small talk meetups I don't care about. I also still have my core friends who I talk to regularly on the phone, and this has been a tradition for years already before I came here.

What I am immensely struggling with right now is trying to make sense of all the connections I made in the past 10 years. This is the 6th city I lived in the last decade, and the 8th move. All my relationships feel so spread out and scattered. I am holding on to some solely because those people were there when I moved somewhere new and I didn't have anyone else. Like back in school, when I was friends with people because they were the only ones there. It's all a bit confusing and painful right now, as my values and perspectives are changing. I think there are a lot of people moving from the friends to acquaintance category right now. I'm completely redefining friendships for me at the moment.

[alltimefail-sims]

2 /16/32/38 for hubby [Erwin]

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Erwin loves his mom. I wish I had a more interesting answer, but yeah... he loves both his parents. They did their best, he saw them struggle and they didn't always handle things as well as they could have, but he understands that they're people with their own stress, flaws, and grief. He doesn't hate anything about her, and he admires her patience. He wishes he had her reflexive ability to breathe, to forgive, and ultimately move on. She was a good influence on him, perhaps the best thing that she gave him was acceptance. When he is hard on himself, he knows he can turn to her for reassurance that doesn't come with pity or judgment.

16. What does your character do for a living? How do they see their profession? What do they like about it? Dislike?

Right now Erwin has two jobs - the first being the conspiracy roadside attraction stand, which is really silly but has served its purpose of making the locals underestimate him as the "harmless weird kid" and "curious out-of-towner." The second job is his podcast, which is more of a labor of love than something that pays the bills. He has a very niche audience lmao but it's fun and takes some stress away. He hates his uniform at the conspiracy stand but likes how it is a good place to get information on the town. He likes the freedom his podcast provides and the material, but hates all the bullshit marketing he would need to do to gain a bigger audience... he doesn't want to "hustle," or "influence," he wants to vibe and talk about true crime, scientific anomalies, and unsolved mysteries on the internet... but that doesn't make money.

32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?

HAHAHAHAHAHA not well 👍!! I want to note that Erwin has crippling anxiety among other issues yet to be diagnosed and he's not medicated or in therapy but probably should be. That being said, his response really depends on who or what is causing the stress in the first place, but in general he usually responds evasively with a "fuck it" attitude under stress. He tends to seclude himself and this has hurt friendships AND relationships. He also can have a tendency to be outright self-destructive under stress. But if he really, deeply cares about something... he will soften quite a bit. He is capable of doing the work to be better but doesn't think he is worth it.

38. Are they basically negative when facing new things? Suspicious? Hostile? Scared? Enthusiastic?

Yeah, "basically negative" is a good way to put his outlook on most things unfortunately, and he's definitely paranoid/suspicious by nature. He just assumes most people have bad intentions and that with every opened curiosity door comes a hidden ugly; that's the price of truth.

Prompt here - ask me about my OCs!

[geneticallymodifiedidiot]

funny stupid sad angry post

uh so the poll said yes

so here goes? i've got no idea how to do this

tw: vent, self-sabotage, sh/cutting, eating disorder(?)/calorie counting, suicide ideation

please for the love of god if any of these trigger you in any way don't read this through. i'm not worth making your triggers worse. don't do that to yourself.

this is a really long fucking post. we'll see if i end up deleting it. if people just tell me that my problems aren't that bad (which is totally possible) then i'll delete it. no harm done.

let the brain dump begin

why am i doing this? it's not like i'd let myself accept help if anyone decided to try

uh idk it feels like i'm not doing enough

i'm not good enough for my friends, my school performance isn't good enough, i'm not doing enough to help other in general, i'm not doing enough to maintain relationships with my family and other people close to me, my "skills" aren't good enough, my problem aren't good enough to be considered problems, a lot of stuff like that

like the friend thing is like i feel like my friends are way better at being supportive and helping each other than i am, i'm trying my best but i can't seem to do enough because we're all just sad and i feel like i can't help

i constantly want to tell my friends "hey, you guys know that if i'm not a good enough friend, you can leave/stop being my friend and i won't get mad, right?" but i don't because i'm worried they actually might.

i went on a really long trip overseas this past summer and spent some time with family and i feel like i was a terrible person the whole time because my egg had cracked like a solid two weeks beforehand and i hated the idea of having to exist as two people at once bc my family has not exactly presented themselves as the most trans-friendly people but they also haven't made it so it's obviously a bad idea to come out to them. just a collection of offhand comments and unclear/lack of messaging around trans people has made it so i feel like it would be a bad idea, but if i'm wrong, then these people deserve better from me and not for me to hide myself from them.

the most unclear part of this for me is my mom, because like she's not the best but it's not obvious to me if she's actually bad. like i've seen a lot of things especially on this site about how trauma and abuse are overused terms but i don't know what qualifies. whenever i see examples i seem to fall in a middle ground between them. like it's mostly mental. she doesn't hit me (although idk i feel like i might remember some stuff from very long ago and there's one major event that i'm not going to get into) but there's just some things. like when i tried to come out as aroace, she never explicitly rejected that, but she also didn't... say anything. both times. and also when i first told her that i thought i might have adhd, she said something along the lines of "oh yeah, when you were young the doctor said you had some adhd tendencies, but we're not going to get you diagnosed because i don't want you to use it as an excuse." which, i guess, but something doesn't seem right about that.

but she's not explicitly terrible either, like i have stuff. she lets me leave the house pretty often. she's not super uptight about grades as long as i don't miss assignments. idk, it's super confusing. it's not entirely her fault either, she's an immigrant and english is her second language. there's a big age gap between us (40 years) its probably hard for her to raise a child, especially one as horrifically difficult to deal with as me. one time she said she hated me, but she apologized later and said she misspoke. which is fair i guess, she was under stress at the time. if i was her, id probably hate me too. idk i feel bad for saying i miss my dad (he died 5 years ago) my mom's trying her best and she got the bad luck of getting a child that is much more difficult than she bargained for. god im a terrible child lol.

oh, on the adhd thing- i feel like i exhibit symptoms for adhd pretty recognizably (although im not diagnosed, so its technically possible that i don't and i just need to try a little bit harder) but also i feel like i exhibit some signs of autism. but again. what. the heck. qualifies. i don't like drums (especially snare drums, which are RIGHT BEHIND ME IN BAND WHY-) and im bad with convoluted noise in general. but also like, i don't exhibit this all the time. sometimes i won't even notice drums all that much. sometimes i realize lights are way too bright like five minutes after being around them. i get hyperfixations, but im pretty sure that could just be the adhd thing. im bad at talking to people but again, i could just be bad. i scored 150 on the RAADS-R test, but that's not a diagnosis. idk. hah.

i'm outright just a negative person to be around, i can't think of a single person that is better off because i'm in their life. they either have to deal with all of my problems or i just end up not talking to them as much as a good friend should.

also i feel like my "skills" are really bad to the point that i can barely call them skills. in band, on my first instrument (euphonium) i'm first chair in the symphonic/advanced/audition band (somehow) but there's this one interval in a solo that i cannot nail down. and its annoying. in marching band its even worse, im on sousaphone which some would say is the most important instrument, but the director tells us to play louder all the freaking time (there's only 7 sousaphones and the band is like 200 people). my rank tells me im playing well but like. aaa. i could be playing better. last years rank leader was so ridiculously loud and i don't think i can match him.

other "skill" is cooking. some people might have seen the attempt at bread that i made. and the interior is just a mass of gluten. like. come on, i can do better than that. and then i also made like a chili dish to go with the bread, and the recipe called for too many beans. i should've recognized it, but no. there are too many beans. im annoyed. my mom doesn't like to eat beans that much so i feel like i failed her too. which, lovely.

ehhhh yeah i can talk about dysphoria here too. why not. idk one thing that made me spiral a bit was one of the people im not out to in marching band said "deadname you should get a buzz cut again it looked good" (i had a buzz cut for much of my childhood because long hair felt too hot) and fucking- i look better with a buzz cut than with long hair?! fucking murder me! oh my god! should i even transition as an adult at this point, i'd probably look even worse than i do now! am i just goddamn destined to be unhappy with my appearance?! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

ok tw for sh for this next part

so all this manifested in a cutting habit (yippee) which is. mildly terrifying. but also i feel like this problem is also inferior because they aren't all that deep. like i see things about sh support that are like "here's how you know you hit an artery" and im like well. that's not been a problem insofar. maybe im being dramatic about this.

i don't even know why i do it. i don't feel particularly better when i do it. i guess i could be like adrenaline doping but that's not that big of a thing. it doesn't make me like special or worse than other people, cutting isn't that uncommon from what i've seen. 52% of trans girls reported self-injury over the past year (per the trevor project)

the annoying this is even when i see a way out i don't take it. when i first started i was using a partially rusted razor which i completely recognized as dangerous but like. i have my shots (thanks mom.) so that happened for a while until the rust got to the point where the blade was dull. yeah, that's the reason i stopped using a rusty knife: not because of the rust and the tetanus risk, but because the blade was getting dull. that's fucking pathetic.

so instead of stopping like a normal fucking person i (still cannot believe i did this) went on amazon and bought a $10 pocketknife. and now that's just on my person. i could've stopped, i had an out, but i spent money on a different knife. s t u p i d.

tw suicide ideation

oh, something else horrifying? the thoughts i had regarding sh like... two months prior to starting are. shockingly similar to the thoughts i have regarding suicide. (i don't think i'm going to commit suicide, that's a bit more commitment that a few scars on my forearm and thighs). but i mean like, i like to sleep. maybe this wouldn't be too different. people wouldn't have to worry about me anymore.

and don't tell me i "matter," i'm perfectly aware of the 143.8lbs of matter i take up in this universe i take up and how much of a waste it is. possible eating disorder tw for the next part.

okay like. im weird with food. what the hell counts as an eating disorder. im not underweight, (i know this is not an end-all be-all by any stretch of a hyperflexible imagination, but my bmi's 19.0. that's technically in the healthy range). i'm skinnier than i was 18 months ago. but like. i'm not wasting away. i just have a calorie-counting habit that is. annoying. along with a general fear of gaining weight. sometimes i'll eat what i feel is too much and i have an urge to make myself vomit (i've never done that before, but i have a general idea) but the thing that stops me is the vivid image of my esophagus dissolving. which i guess is good.

why? i don't know. that's a theme here, isn't it. i don't know why im the stupid ridiculous way that i am, which probably means im bullshitting everything. but i don't know. it's like all my issues are on the borderline of "okay you need actual help" and "eh, you'll probably be fine. just push through it." which again probably suggests that im actually fine and being ridiculous about everything. i'm not the only person in this world who has dysphoria. im not the only person whos unsure about coming out to their family. im not the only person who engages in self-injury. im not the only person who has suicidative thoughts from time to time. i have what most people would call a good life. im physically able-bodied, lean, fit into the school system, have a parent, i live near a school, and im not under threat of dying by someone else's hand. these are all advantages that tons of people probably wish they had. why do i complain so much. im so ready for this post to get a response of "this is nothing, just deal with it. good god." and that's fair.

idk, i guess im tired. im tired of avoiding the mirror constantly, tired of keeping a running track of the amount of energy ive consumed in the past 24 hours, tired of doing the same thing each day with no real end in sight, tired of feeling like i need to push myself harder, tired of seeing an arm covered in scars when i reach over myself to turn off the light each night when i go to sleep, tired of going to sleep and sometimes wishing i wouldn't wake up.

do i even deserve anything. do i deserve friends. do i deserve to be happy. do i deserve to get the things i want. do i deserve a good life. do i deserve to transition if i want to. do i deserve help. do i deserve to take up societies resources, whether that be food, water, medical care, or therapy.

do i deserve to live?

if you read this far, uh. im sorry. this probably took a long time that could be better dedicated to something more important than a random teenager on the internet. but here we are.

if you want to say something 1. probably don't. my brain has found a way to basically not let me accept help but if you want to try, that's your prerogative. 2. if you want to say something but don't know what to say, that's fine. i know the feeling and what the hell do you say to whatever this post is anyway.

[steamishot]

last work week

it's the last working week of the year aka no one is working. i just had my last meeting of the year (academic affairs meeting with dr. martin). i always feel a little awkward when i'm in LA but have to pretend like i'm in NY. they don't ask about when i'm coming home because they know it's personal. but they sometimes ask about the weather and i have to recall from memory lol (the most surface level and acceptable).

emotional health: this past half year has looked like a hump in terms of emotional health. the Y axis is my emotional distress, and X is time. i reached the most emotional distress in october/november. i felt funky, anxious, worried, my appetite was low, didn't feel like seeing people because my mood sucked, i felt like crying all the time (and actually cried a lot). now i'm riding down on the wave. i'm more emotionally stable, i'm more social, my appetite is sorta normal. i'm currently back at 116 from 110 when i was feeling depressed.

job search updates: matt had a 5 hour interview with UCI (chatted with 7 different people individually) last wednesday. he had just come off from a week of night shifts that ended on tues morning. his life is roughhh. he thought the interview didn't go well and they asked very tough questions/had very high expectations for their candidates. on thursday, he had two 30 min phone calls with city of hope and UCLA. the UCLA guy was actually more down to earth and friendly. these are the four jobs that he actually likes and they have pretty good work conditions. i really, really hope one of them comes through. i think my first choice is LA general (previously USC) though their pay is the lowest because it offers the best work-life balance. city of hope may come in second. then UCLA and lastly, UCI. overall, i've been feeling better about this because he now has opportunities that are superior to the redlands one. staying hopeful but grounded.

coffee setup: i've become the barista for my family. my parents' kitchen is now equipped with a coffee grinder and espresso machine. i made 5 lattes today. in NYC, i always make iced lattes because my apartment is consistently warm. but it's cold in LA during the winter so i've made all hot drinks.

therapy: i had my first intake call today with monica. yay for kaiser covering my insurance. off the bat, the intake call seemed a lot more professional than any betterhelp sessions i've been to. i also don't have to stress about if the therapy session are "worth" paying out of pocket. she asked a lot of questions for the assessment and wrote everything down. it seems that betterhelp doesn't have a consistent method in providing therapy. i'll be able to do two therapy sessions while i'm in LA, but she won't see me when i'm in NYC due to licensure.

interests: to be less tunnel-visioned in this job search, i've been consistent in playing chess and learning japanese on duolingo. B added me on chess so it's been nice playing with a friend as a way to keep connected. recently watched salt, fat, acid, heat (and purchased the book to read) on netflix, and checked out dr. death.

goal setting: my work mom B has consistently gifted us planners as christmas gifts the last 5 or so years. i admittedly am not great at using planners and i lose the consistency after a week or so. however, i do see the benefit of writing down a general to-do or goals list. i have a tendency to dream small, or not too big, but i need to put on my big girl "i can" pants so that i can level up. i learned from the rock solid relationship podcast that it's not a bad idea to have goals that you may think are insane (i.e. make 30 million dollars in my business). my long-term goals are what's dictating my day to day habits and short-term goals. so, of course i'll feel purposeless if i don't even identify what my long-term goals are. and of course i'll be bored if i'm dreaming too small so here:

have a 7 figure net-worth by 35

become a CPA

run a 10K in less than an hour

run a 5k in less than 27 min

run a <8 min mile

be a homeowner by age 35

be an expert at chess

be an expert at cooking

be an expert at drawing

be able to speak/read chinese and japanese

be able to do a crow pose and headstand in yoga

move to LA by summer 2024

have a six figure salary by age 34

reach 120lbs (healthy weight)

run my own successful business

make a (good) tulip in latte art

[cj-the-random-artist]

I finally hit one! Now I am very curious about Jesse and Lukas, do you have any tidbits for them?

Yes I do! I'll start with Lukas, just cuz... why not

So it's probably first worth noting that Lukas is a twin, Skylar is his older twin sibling (Skylar's on the left here and Lukas is on the right). Skylar may be older but Lukas is definitely more protective even though he has absolutely no business doing so (which is a manner of saying that Skylar is. Very. Very powerful magically and Lukas. Let's just say he's not), so when the story starts and everything begins going downhill and insane Lukas is out here trying to look out for Skylar's safety and Skylar's like yeah no that's absolutely not happening.

Some more Lukas notes, he generally gets along fairly well with people, the only people he's ever really fought with have been Zander (for the unknown reasons mentioned in the last ask) and Skylar (because they're siblings. They're gonna fight each other it's in the job description). Lukas is definitely a people person, and he's quite charming, people tend to like him. He really enjoys baking and is hoping to open some kind of bakery as an adult. He probably would've started one as a teen but that's like actively during the story when there's. Chaos and magic and plot. And he doesn't really have time to run a bakery during all that. Also side note, Lukas and Skylar are British but they moved to the US.

Okay next is Jesse!

Jesse, much like Lukas, Skylar and Zander are all OGs / Act 1 characters. This is actually half of the Act 1 "cast", at least the specifically Act 1 protagonist cast. The rest of that cast is Lydia, Marcus, Katherine and Tabitha who I can also say words about later if anyone's curious.

Anyways!! Jesse!! As mentioned in the last ask, Jesse and Zander are childhood best friends. Between the pair of them, Jesse has always been more reserved / shy. That said, as stressed out as he generally is, he comes off as surprisingly chill. He doesn't have the world's greatest spatial awareness, so he has an unfortunate tendency to walk into things / trip over things / etc. He's a swimmer and is notably far more graceful in water (though he does still sometimes miss the wall when doing turns). Also, not a major part of the story necessarily, but he is canonically trans, and like I don't talk about that kind of thing very much if at all but like honestly. Love that for him. And it's not really talked about much in the story given that he transitioned socially before the story's events and it's not super plot relevant so I don't really talk about that kind of thing but like I just kind of wanted to mention it here because he's my guy. I love that for him. And honestly Jesse is one of my favorite characters to write because I find him very relatable and the way his brain works is based a lot on how my brain works so. Maybe he's like bordering on being a self-insert that's way cooler than me in basically every way but whatever lmao

Anyways!! That's more words and I think that's probably more than enough words about my guys for the time being. But if there's any more questions about my OCs in this or any other story I'm still very much down to talk about them, the askbox is always open lovelies

That said, have good day and I hope you enjoyed reading about a few more of my lovely OCs

[shinra-makonoid]

"Treatment providers are not the ones "giving up", they are perfectly willing to keep trying endlessly. It's the patient that wants to stop. This is a matter of personal choice of the patient."

Stopping (curative) treatment is different than giving a substance that kill a patient. As I said to Iliian in this post, (curative) treatment stubborness is an issue, but it's not settled by euthanasia at all. Proof is, in France we have a law against euthanasia and against treatment stubborness.

"No, it isn't a cure. It's an end, once "curing" has failed and suffering is inevitable (in the eyes of the patient). That's all it can offer."

Suffering being inevitable to the eye of the patient is not an argument for euthanasia either. Suffering is part of life. In the case of terminal patients who are near death, palliative care's role is to make sure that the person suffer as little as possible through various quality of life's treatments. There are ways to make sure someone suffers less in general that aren't dying. The end of a life is still life, there are still joy in some days, jokes to laugh to, things to be angry about, things to be sad about. Someone who is going to die is not dead yet.

"I can't speak for other countries either, but I would say this is not the case here in the Netherlands. There is plenty of room for progress, there always is, but there is financial aid here, there is local aid that helps people re-integrate into society, come out of social isolation or find meaningful day activities attuned to their needs and abilities."

I do not know the Netherlands very well. Do you have any substantial evidence that show that disabled people have a better quality of life compared to other countries in Europe? Because most of Western countries in Europe do have helps for disabled (both physically and mentally) people, doesn't mean they don't suffer from loneliness, financial issues and all.

"What I'm saying is that there will be people for whom no amount of help will be enough; they just don't want to go on any longer. Who are we to decide that they should, to force them to?"

There is no statistic that I know of that agrees with you. In fact, most people who attempt suicide once don't try it again during their lives. Suicide is usually a crisis, that can come again, but people who want to suicide, usually also don't try it again. How do you want to differenciate the people who are "really" wanting to suicide from the people who are in a crisis? And honestly, ethically, it questions me in regards to euthanasia. I really question the possibility that euthanasia being allowed for (specifically) mentally ill people might make people in suicide crisis focus on that idea, instead of getting out of it. It probably wouldn't be unthinkable that euthanasia in regards to mentally ill people has tendency to make them suicide more. That people who wouldn't have any access to euthanasia would actually live. I have absolutely no study to back that up, but there are indications that it probably doesn't help. We know that suicide is contagious, that is why there are guidelines in regards to not give any method for it for example.

Edit: After some googling I also found that review stating:

In light of our findings, we believe that the current legislation and practice of EAS for people with personality disorders is based on an inadequate understanding of underlying psychopathology and a lack of awareness about the contemporary treatment literature. Moreover, we assert that this practice neglects the individual’s potential for having a life worth living.

And this one that heavily criticize Belgium and Netherlands' practices.

In Belgium and the Netherlands, medical assistance in dying has been provided to people with chronic schizophrenia, posttraumatic stress disorder, severe eating disorders, autism, personality disorders and even prolonged grief.5,6 Women are more than twice as likely as men to request4 and receive5 assisted dying for psychiatric disorders, but we do not know why. Most people who request it for such reasons have characteristics that compromise their ability to cope with adversity, including personality disorders and social disconnection. 6 Discussions, much less evidence-based guidance, of how to evaluate people who request assisted dying because of prolonged grief, autism, schizophrenia or personality disorders are lacking. Furthermore, the key eligibility criterion of “irremediable” condition is inherently vague and unreliable, even when applied to the types of severe cases usually mentioned by those who advocate for including psychiatric disorders in the legislation for assisted dying. Consider a patient who has been suffering from chronic depression for 20 years, has tried more than a dozen different medications as well as electroconvulsive therapy and is currently in a depressive episode that has lasted several years. Based on published cases in Belgium5 and the Netherlands,6 such a patient would likely be deemed to meet the “irremediable” criterion. However, evidence suggests that most such patients can achieve remission if given high-quality treatment.7

Their key points:

There is a gap between the idealized basis upon which medical assistance in dying is advocated for patients with psychiatric conditions and the reality of its practice. Specifically, the assumption that only patients with true irremediable depressive disorders would have access to assisted dying — after careful assessment of their decision-making capacity based on rigorous thresholds — is not supported by evidence. Because of the necessarily broad criteria used to regulate assisted dying, legalizing the practice for psychiatric conditions will likely place already vulnerable patients at risk of premature death.

The only rebuttal of that paper was that errors in euthanazing the wrong person happens and that it's unevitable. We're talking about death, not a grave side effect from a medication that allows the person to live with a better quality of life or cured, so I don't think it's acceptable. We may disagree on that.

"You want to improve quality of life, but you also have to face the fact that it cannot be perfected, that that is idealistic and worth pursuing as much as possible but not literally reachable, and there will always be that person who'll say their life simply isn't worth living anymore. Euthanasia isn't telling that person to just die, help is still available if they should want to keep trying; but opposing it is telling them they're not allowed to die (or to choose a potentially painful method). And I don't support controlling other people's lives in that fashion."

And you have to understand that people can change their mind according to environmental cues but also by their own ideas. For example, in palliative care dealing with people with terminal illnesses, it is known that the state and spirit of the person that you talk to today, won't be the same three days later. Someone can desire to die one day, and be at peace with their condition the next day. This fluctuation makes it impossible to have any kind of actual consent (to die), and allowing euthanasia will push the person to go one direction rather than dealing with what they have day by day. And that will happen no matter how much time you leave to the person to decide, or how many doctors they need to see before having an OK for it. There is a known bias in people's mind: when you start a procedure, you will have difficulties to backtrack it, even if you changed your mind, especially if people showed positive reinforcement. That is especially the case when you are a vulnerable patient and that you see you're making your family suffer because of your condition, and that the state allows you to go through it. Ethically, it is really questionable, there is no doubt about that.

Also I'm talking about the best case scenario in regards to euthanasia, we know for a fact, for example, that Belgium seldom respects its own time procedures and don't even declare a large part of the euthanasia they do. That is an issue, and that's not about controlling someone's life. I think that allowing euthanasia is not giving a choice because of that, to the contrary. And that's not even talking about the very fact that in countries where euthanasia is allowed, it's not even a pluridisciplinary group of doctors deciding case by case if the person should be euthanasied or not, it's a couple of doctors at best who focus on euthanasia, who may have their own motivation and their own biases regarding their practice of euthanasia (angels of death for ex) and no safeguarding to protect vulnerable patients. The argument for "freedom to choose" argument is really weak in my opinion, and it's impossible to know and to study because we can't interview the dead. To me that makes it's unethical by default.

"Then that is a bet you just lost, because this is another baseless assumption that simply isn't true. This is my problem with this line of thinking. You say "I wouldn't be able to debate about whether the person you're talking about should or shouldn't be euthanasied" but then you go ahead and draw your conclusions anyway. It's arrogant."

You're right, I'm very arrogant to think that every disabled people on the planet have more sociological, financial, physical, psychological and spiritual issues than your everyday people. Again I am waiting your evidence in regards to the fact that in the netherlands, disabled people have none of those issues. I'm open to get my mind change, but I need proof. The general consensus is not what you're telling me.

"But these things can and should exist next to each other; euthanasia as an option for those people who truly want to seek it out. The moment you chime in with "I don't believe they really want that" you are speaking over them and taking control away from them. I believe in listening to people's own voices and letting them decide for themselves. That's my stance in all of these "controversial" topics, really."

No. The human nature is complex and psychologically can change a lot. You and I aren't the same people we were ten years ago. People who suffer from cancer don't think they're the same people from before they knew they had cancer. People change, their desires, hopes and dreams, also change. Their mind change. Alone, they cannot make rational decisions about their own health (and that includes doctors themselves), not without the support of a professional. It should be a partnership, because people alone don't always know what's best for them either (because they're in shock, or because they're clouded by their state of mind, neurological issues, etc). That partnership should always be making everything that is possible to make their life easier/more comfortable, that is the purpose of a doctor.

If someone has the firm intention to suicide, it is their right to try it, suicide shouldn't be illegal by any matter, but the state shouldn't have anything to do with it, nor should any medical professionnal, it's none of their business.

The more I dig into the question of euthanasia, the more I'm against.

Did you know that in Belgium, during 2020-2021, 92 people got euthanasied because they suffered from psychiatric illnesses or cognitive issues?

18 for depression/bipolarity, 49 for dementia, 10 for personality disorder, 6 for what is called "nevrotic", 3 for schizophrenia, 4 for neurological disorders like autism (I doubt it's only autism but it could be ADHD and all that stuff, it's not said), 2 for illnesses like anorexia. None of those had a short lifespan left btw.

This looks very much like hating disabled and mentally ill people. :)

[decompose1]

Hiii this is the paper ramble ask

I wanna hear literally everything u think abt him do NOT hold bamk

GOSH WHERE DO I BEGIN. Paper is such an interesting character, it's a huge shame that we hardly see him after s1 :o(.

Paper is definitely one of those characters who has this super common mischaracterization problem, creating a less interesting fanon version of him, and that's Also a huge shame to me. I think people often water him down to ONLY being this meek sweetheart baby character.

He definitely struggles a lot with anxiety, that's provably true as Justin has mentioned this several times. He's generally a kind, gentle, friendly person. BUT. There's more to him than that!

He's nice, but he can be a little bit self centered. He's sort of a doormat (literally at one point, if you consider that scene where OJ is standing on him), but he's also... Not super aware of other people sometimes? He tends to worry about himself, and often forgets the needs of others. He's DEFINITELY petty- Paper has a tendency to cling to grudges, which is honestly a pretty funny consistent part of his character i've noticed. This guy talks like he's going to have a heart attack if one more stressful thing happens, but lord can he be SALTY.

(I also feel it worth pointing out he's... Not a baby, he's a lawyer. This guy got a law degree. Paper has been to college.)

Anyways. I think a lot of my focus on the guy tends to center on him as a system, since that was interesting to me even if it wasn't done very well (... not that i really expected some kids in the early 2000s to accurately write DID). I think about the way it turned him into a generally more understanding person, where he places more focus on self care and therapy than he did before, because he KNOWS how important it is now. I think he probably tries to help out the other contestants here and there with some stuff he's learned. I think he'd be good to talk to if you needed to have a real serious mental health jam. I DEFINITELY want YinYang to talk to him at some point- i feel like them being sort of face to face would be interesting. Paper sort of pushes down and hides his alter (which he canonically still has). He masks. YinYang is incapable of doing that- they're both extremely active, almost always sharing the front.

I think Paper meeting Yang in S2 would've been a very unpleasant reminder of EP, but i... wonder how him meeting S3 Yang would go. Yin and Yang used to be a lot more like him, hating and attempting to control each other - and i think it's an interesting parallel they have, because Yin and Paper are very similar. They both viewed this angrier, more aggressive alter as something to hate/fear/control. Yin had constantly tried to repress and control Yang, and Paper, well. LITERALLY fought EP to try to repress him, too. ...So i sort of wonder how Paper would feel about the two now that they've started to calm down and understand each other better. Yang isn't nearly as violent as he used to be now that Yin has somewhat let go of that short leash he kept him on. Maybe Paper could learn something from them.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Ml Meta analysis: Adriens current absents, season 4 structure and theory on whats to come

Here I am back again with my endless rambling.

I'm just as worried for our cat son as everyone else (maybe even more) which is why I tried figuring out for my own sanity why he is so absent currently.

Upfront I wanna warn yall that I wrote this post in one rush this night and therefore had no time to do alot of editing. So things can probably get a bit more messy than usual but I tried to write it clearly, while writing 2 other ml essays as well. This is the one drawback of having so many episodes in such a short time, I have no time to write my posts x3 I had another theory planned for before Optigami airs but I don't think I can manage before tomorrow.

But let's not waste any more time. Grab a snack and here we go:

It's 2am right now but I think I just realized why Adrien/Chat Noir is being sidelined so much recently.

Sure, yes, it'll come into play in the very obviously set up Ladynoir drama later on but what I wanna talk about now is more the structure of how s4 is most likely written in terms of both Marinettes and Adriens side of the story. And then deep dive a little on why I think so.

You see season 4 is now reaping what has been built up from s1-s3, but this also includes that you have to take the time now to properly recreate the new possibilities out of the loose pieces of the broken status quo.

Seriously, season 4 has to handle and reinvent ALOT. The show got now officially announced to have 7 seasons, which is exactly the amount of seasons Astruc said they have story for. I couldnt find the official tweet from Thomas himself but I one from another source:

And now look take a look at the possible shows structure:

- s1-s3 was the first status quo and built up everything so now they can pay off after pay off while...

-... S4 is now the transitional season where the old status quo gets left behind as we work towards the new one.

-I have nothing to proof this of course, but in the same sense it would now make sense that s5-s7 where/are planned to play out under the final status quo. If I'm not wrong at first the show was under contract for 5 seasons, which would mean that after the transitional season 4 there was only 1 season of the final status quo for sure. Still, done right it could have been worth the wait. But this isn't where Miraculous will end. The show actually got the 7 seasons the creator wanted and THIS is how I think the long term plan makes the most sense. Nothing all too complicated but still hella effective in its execution.

But now back to our two main characters, because Marinettes and Adriens development are the two aspects that will raise the show to the intense heights of the s5-s7 status quo.

From s1-s3 Marinette was the active player but she was hardly involved with the actual PLOT of the show, since most of the plot and backstory of the show lies directly with the Agreste family. She only started to get her own plot when she literally created a new one by getting involved with the miraculous lore, because the closest Marinette got to the Agreste plot was "The collector".

Adrien in the other hand was always literally right in the middle of the plot but he wasn't enough of an active player to bring us further either.

Season 4 is now going to add the missing parts for both of them and as the very beginning of the season showed us: there are going to do it SEPERATLY.

This is why "Truth" and "Lies" have been structured the way they are (One Marinette-centric the other Adrien-centric). Yes, Marinette and Adrien are meant to end their story victoriously together, but they are simply not the people they have to be to become such a powerful team. Certain aspects of their journey they have to do... basically disconnected from the other one. The "Miracle Queen" endcard shows it quite nicely as well where they are heading now: away from each other.

Obviously the season started with Marinette growing into her new guardian status including everything miraculous related, since she is the main lead and because the new ways the episodes can now utilize everything Miraculous need to be established first before we deep dive into the messed up Agreste mystery.

So while I totally agree that it is annoying to get so little Adrien/Chat Noir content currently I also understand the practicality behind it. As I said, before s4 Marinette was the active main character who mostly didn't really have her own plot. So now adding her plot aspect and have her ACTIVELY figure everything needed out means that right now Marinette/Ladybug is the active focus main character who is solving a huge part of her s4 character arc. That simply drowns out Adrien as the currently still mostly-inactive secondary main character who, yes, may be right in the middle of the shows emotional + villain plot/lore/backstory, but that side of the story simply isn't in focus at the moment.

And I gotta say, I'm kinda glad they're doing it this way. Because I'm gonna be honest, when the season starts giving us Adrien/family Agreste episodes like "Lies" and "The collector" (in this case "Gabriel Agreste" for example) again, I don't want the narrative to be forced to spend time with something guardian lore based just because they didn't took their time to do it earlier.

So, as we see on the s4 episode raster "Gabriel Agreste" is episode 9. Honestly, I expect most of it (especially the ones near the beginning, so ep. 5 included) til that episode to be Marinette based the way everything else til now did (besides Lies obviously and Guilt trip didn't hardcore focus on Marinette/Ladybug either and that's because it's after "Gabriel Agreste") in the spirit of "Truth". It's just the needed set up from Marinettes side of the story and I can live with that.

Because we actually saw the change after "Gabriel Agreste" already in "Guilt trip".

I don't know why some people pretend like Chat almost cataclysming himself after hearing how guilt-eaten Nino is for Adriens sake isn't a huge indicator that the episodes afterwards will not only acknowledge but also DEAL with Adriens/Chats situation and problems. Remember, we are talking about CHAT NOIR here not Adrien Agreste. The show has always portrayed and acknowledged ADRIENS issues very straight forward and with the proper seriousness (especially when it comes to his family), whereas Chat Noir was often mostly used for comedic purposes with some exceptions of his problems being properly delt with (since Marinette/Ladybug was mostly oblivious to them, since Adrien keeps them hidden so well). But now in "Guilt trip" LADYBUG was confronted head-on with just how much negativity Chat has inside and how quickly and extremely he drowns in it.

Sure, correct, the episode also has his negativity "washed away" rather quickly by Ladybug opening up to him on how important he is to her

But this is in character for both of them as "Lies" very clearly showed us that the way BOTH OF THEM behave here is where the problem lies. There Ladybug was freaked out after Chat threw his life away once again but quickly accepted Chats very direct avoidance of the confrontation, since he seemed to be alright to her.

Something I also find noteworthy here is that Ladybugs dialog is "Seriously, you need to stop doing this to me!", which is.... a VERY Marinette-centric way of acknowledging the problem.

It completely shifts the issue away from Adriens extremely alarming self-harmful/suicidal tendencies and instead only calls out how it affects Marinette (whose feelings here are definitely valid, don't get me wrong!). It showcases perfectly how unaware Marinette still is of her partners inner tumult at that point and also parallels how Marinette called Adriens life "perfect" at the beginning of the episode (This is no shade towards Marinette, in general the entirety of "Lies" is about showing us just how harmful Adriens Chat Noir persona actually IS to him so these two moments of her being oblivious to Adriens and Chats immense problems very much fits into that episodes narrative and sets up what's about to come. I still have an entire essay in the making for "Lies" but, guys, it's just getting longer and longer. I suck xD).

So the fact that an episode after "Gabriel Agreste" brings this scenario back, just a little different but ALOT more revealing of Adriens immense problems to his partner, is VERY telling. Besides other things it tells us that this happens at the beginning of the arc that deals with (at least) Chats issues since Ladybug is still way too quickly too ready to accept her partner as "completely fine" again just because Chat makes it seem that way (while some negativity increasing guilt bubbles still to stick to him.).

And yet, others have already pointed it out that Ladybug IS noticing what Chat wanted to do and reacted accordingly...

she just didn't speak of it the way it is because it overwhelmed her, which calls back to Ladybugs "You have to stop doing this to me!" dialog.( For a great breakdown of her dialog HERE is a link to @flightfoot​ post)

In "Lies" Marinette was way too stressed by her new guardian role to even consider Chats side of it and therefore only spoke of her own, but in "Guilt trip" she's already past that stressful arc. So here she is immediately able to recognize Chats suicidal action for what it is, come to his (much needed) aid and lift her partners spirit the best she can by emotionally opening up to him (which is something we KNOW is incredibly hart for Marinette).

The difference between her reaction in "Lies" and in "Guilt trip" shows that Marinette has her guardian role already mostly handled and is now mentally able to be there for others again, so the extremely Marinette-centric "Truth"-like episodes are mostly passed. Now the episodes can bring Adrien/Chat Noir more into the game again and even shift to "Lies" - like episodes because MARINETTE can pay more attention to him again and isn't faced with something new, important and overwhelming Miraculous related every step she takes.

And THAT is extremely fair from a narrative standpoint.

---

I really need to stop elaborating so much on these posts because I'm only NOW actually getting to the point of where Adriens journey will disconnect for a while from Ladybugs. Sorry guys.

Okay, to understand where I'm going with this I will have to quickly explain how I always saw Chat Noirs place in the Ladybug+Chat Noir vs Hawkmoth war ever since s1.

Because here is the thing: Adrien wasn't able to truly leave the battle field ONCE since the origins. Marinette was completely out of Hawkmoths and Gabriels reach once she detransformed, which balances out her basically being the personification of the good sides force. And Gabriel literally decided whenever or not the battle is even ACTIVE right now! Besides that he is in complete control of his own actions and environment, which gives him all the necessary time, safety and downtime he needs to act as the personification of the evil sides force.

Marinette and Gabriel always knew when they were safe and off the battle field, but ADRIEN never had that and it left him LITERALLY right in the middle of both Ladybugs and Hawkmoths sides.

You see, because before Adrien became Chat Noir he basically was part of Hawkmoths side just by default. He was born into this family, that's his father and lost mother and everything he knows. Adrien didn't/doesn't even have to KNOW that he is part of Hawkmoths side, he's his son at some level he just IS! And I'm not saying this as anything negative, Adrien coming from Hawkmoths side is literally the reason why he became Chat Noir!

Because whereas Gabriel is having the time of his damn life as evil terrorist, created out of tragic and sinister circumstances, ADRIEN on the other hand couldn't handle his families environment and very same circumstances anymore and accepted the role as Paris' hero to escape his heritage for a while.

Keywords being: a WHILE.

Something unique about Adrien I always loved is the fact that he is the villains abused, isolated and overworked SON, who becomes a hero to escape his depressing life and YET it was never Adriens intention to LEAVE IT. Adrien merely wanted to use his time as Chat Noir to let of some steam and breath freely while doing some hero work so he can go back into his civilian life and try to one day successfully ment his broken family. He couldn't handle the current situation anymore but he still always saw worth in his family/father. I have SO MUCH respect for that!

But him not intending to leave his family and instead regaining strength as Chat Noir to continue to hold onto it came with the downside of him not being able to fully become part of the good sides people/force either. Hence why Adriens/Chats place always felt so lost in comparison to Ladybugs and Hawkmoths clear positions. He's caught in between their extremes trying to balance out BOTH at the same time. What an impossible task!

So he couldn't put in the same focus as Ladybug into being the good sides force because he is literally burned out from his civilian life on Hawkmoths evil side. But he also couldn't be involved as an ACTIVE member of his fathers evil force, because he chose to find refuge in his friends and as a hero on Ladybugs side.

Adrien unknowingly is part of BOTH the shows two extreme moral sides of good and evil and this season we will see Adrien/Chat Noir grow into his own within BOTH sides as well.

Because he simply couldn't have done so right away in s1. Now after 3 seasons Chat Noir is more than solidly established as one of Paris Heros and his time with Ladybug, the other heros and his normal friends helped him greatly to find his place on the good side. "Lies" set this up as Chat Noirs arcs starting point that now he has to stop connecting "being heroic" strictly with following Ladybug (as Marinette is the STAND IN personification for the good side, she's still a flawed human being like everyone else and not the ultimate force of perfect and good. Big difference.) just as he has to start looking past his fathers sympathetic moments/qualities to see that Hawkmoth isn't a 100%, inhumane monster just because he is the stand-in personification of evil in their fight, but the man he calls Father and still needs to be taken down. (I talked about this in more detail on THIS post)

Adrien has to seperat himself from Ladybugs path and focus on his family and I believe it'll start with the much dreaded (but expected) Ladynoir fight.

Funnily enough, what I'm talking about was actually already set up in "Frozer" I just didn't remember that for a bit. In "Frozer" we saw Ladynoir having a fight which caused Chat Noir to go his own way in the episodes battle.

I always found it interesting that the episode didn't had Chats decision, to not follow Ladybugs lead here, turn out to be a huge mistake. Almost every other show would have done so but now I think I understand. This episode and s2 in general SET UP the s4 conflict, s3 LEAD UP to it and now s4 DELIVERS it.

So what happened in "Frozer" is a direct parallel to what about to go down:

Ladynoirs fight will cause Chat Noir to not simply  follow Ladybugs side anymore the way he used to, but note, he DOESN'T leave the good side AND they make up again in the end after Chat saves Ladybug from the akuma. He just does things on his own because he isn't on great terms with her for a while. "Frozer" showed Chats decision to not only NOT be a mistake but also a necessary part of defeating the akuma, just the way it'll be in s4. Damn, Adrien breaking away from Ladybugs side, the way she (unintentionally tho) did at the beginning of the season, to focus more on himself and his family will be the game changing factor, when Adrien will have his completing arc where he goes from "not active character within the villain/backstory plot" to "ACTIVE character within the villain/backstory plot".

And we already saw with Marinette how many fast breakthroughs we get through these completing arcs. Which is also a reason for why Adriens/ Chats arc comes later in the season, because BUDDY. Once Adrien starts to actively uncover his families mystery and fathers secrets Gabriel is SCREWED! Adrien will gain the needed inside knowledge that complements Marinettes Miraculous power; and reunited they can take on whatever the hell kind of scale the Agrestes plan actually is.

So how to end this post? My biggest intention was to raise hope for everybody (myself included lol) who is right now very concerned and upset about how side-lined our boy is at the moment. But I prefer doing so in a way that actually works with canons context instead of sugarcoating what I don't like. And Adriens/Chats current position I definitely do NOT like but accepting it as realistic outcome from s1-s3 and set up for the escalation for both Ladynoir and his home situation gives it the proper purpose and pay off (narrative and character wise) that it SHOULD have.

Basically, the endcards of "Truth" and "Lies" show it perfectly.

It looks like ShadowMoth is turning a blind eye towards Adrien/Chat Noir because of Ladybugs new guardian status and "greater importance". But Gabriels tunnel vision on Ladybug will leave him vulnerable to his own sons secret actions against him and Gabriel won't see it coming until its already too late.

[cobraghost]

CHARACTER STUDY; BJC’S INFLUENCE.

i know it’s really easy to say that BJC’s a himbo, that he’s got no brain or is/can be stupid. but the fact of the matter is? this man is a scary genius. he is   not   a force to be taken lightly -- he’s not just some idiot with an ego too big for his own good, despite coming off as absentminded at times. And today? I’m gonna talk about just what this entails. :)

When it comes to general public opinion, most people can agree on one thing -- the world loves Billy Joe Cobra. Some people would disagree, though -- they think he’s just an overhyped pretty boy, that he isn’t worth any of his hype. 

But I’ll be the first to assure you -- there’s a reason he’s so widely beloved. There’s a reason why his music is as loved as it is, why all eyes were on him til the day he died. There’s a reason why his existence, short and tragic as it may have been, is so wildly loved, why people went absolutely apeshit for him when he was alive. You don’t just get to the top of the food chain without working your ass off for it, and BJC worked his to the bone. He did a lot of things he wasn’t proud of to get to the top and stay there -- not caring what he had to do to be famous, only caring about keeping himself at the top. And up until the day he died, he managed to do just that. He thrived, he produced music all he liked, and he was king of the world. 

But the thing is, both the show and fans tend to forget just how crazy influential he truly was. At least, within his canon, that king of the world statement? That’s NOT  a fucking exaggeration. I feel like most ppl who interact with me may not understand the true scope of just how well known and powerful BJC’s status was. And that’s not any shade -- I just haven’t stressed how important he actually was. So allow me to elaborate, and clarify, just how famous he was.

This. Man. Had. BILLIONS. of fans. 

no. not just a couple hundred thousand, not half a million, not millions. BILLIONS. At least 2 - 3 billion. 

His influence was absolutely INSANE -- no matter where you went in the world, it’s highly likely you’d have known at least one of his works. Nearly EVERYONE knew his name -- they loved him, and he loved his fans.  And you don’t just get to this position without knowing how to mastermind your way into staying at the top.

You see, Billy Joe has been in the Hollywood spotlight since he was only 6 years old. He was practically raised by Hollywood -- there’s never been a second he WASN’T out of the spotlight. Though ... that’s another ramble for another time. 

But the point is, with all this influence, it reaaaally bugs me when people act like he’s just a himbo, or undermine his work and status. When they act as if he wouldn’t know how to function as a human being, or is really stupid, it’s like .. no. This man was raised to be the perfect Hollywood soldier. When people come onto him, expecting him to bend to their will, he WILL snap back. This man isn’t a pushover -- a bit too trusting at times, maybe, and sometimes even lightly gullible. But he’s carefully learned the ins and outs of hollywood all his life, he’s learned how to climb the social ladder and put himself first to get where he has. He knows how society works, he can be pretty cunning, cut throat, and even MANIPULATIVE to get his way. And that’s show biz, baby! He knows how to play each and every one of the people who interact with him like a fiddle. People tend to forget that, just because he is absentminded. So let me make this clear.

ABSENTMINDEDNESS DOES NOT EQUAL STUPIDITY. ESPECIALLY IF IT’S NOT SOMETHING BJC CAN REALLY HELP!

Just because he has a tendency to be easily distracted or not think before he acts sometimes doesn’t mean he’s stupid. If anything, it seems more like he’s just ADHD. And, he also doesn’t know much ‘normal every day’ stuff either -- which the fandom loves to stupify him for. And y’know, that’s another thing. Billy can be a diva. He can be a menace, he can seem unreasonable at times -- yes, he has the ego bigger than the Milky Way. But you know what? He’s NOT as stupid as everyone insists he is, especially in fanon. 

Fanon tends to DUMB him down so much, it gives me all the wrong vibes. And why did they do this? It’s... because he didn’t know typical every day stuff. It’s because he never got to go to school , because his hollywood life prevented him from doing so. But, even so --  he didn’t NEED to know every day stuff when you’re as famous as he is. All he cared about in the moment, when he was still alive, was the present -- didn’t give a shit about the future, nor the past. If you were as famous as BJC, I doubt you’d want to or have the time to learn anything else. Billy Joe was a workaholic in life -- he barely ever had time for himself, always working to pump out his next killer tune. But we see that, whenever he applies himself or tries to learn something new, he has a scary knack for learning the material fast and flawlessly. He can control any situation as he pleases, he learns information at amazing speeds -- this guy genuinely is a GENIUS, and is not exaggerating when he refers to himself as such. 

Before the age of 13, he’d produced 15 number one hits. He constantly can be seen playing instruments idly, busting out completely new tunes and making it up as he goes along -- singing, beatboxing, you name it. He can make up entire songs on the fly, which is also showcased in canon, and that’s .. fucking amazing!!! He was a man who was-- and IS -- still very passionate about his work, which we see time and time again throughout the show. Diss anything you want about him, but talk trash about his hard work, or imply he didn’t even try when making that music? Ohohoo, you’ve made a HUUUGE mistake.

And speaking of his music, a lot of people also tend to forget he canonically has what I like to call ‘siren’ music. Meaning, his music -- whatever emotions he’s feeling or trying to get across in the song -- causes physical reactions to those who listen to them. It doesn’t matter if you hate his music or not -- he can sing pitch perfect notes at an inhuman level, and you WILL react accordingly to his music. He’s insanely talented, he knows how to manipulate emotions through songs to get his fame. He’s made many love songs that genuinely cause whoever hears it and sings it pitch perfect to fall in love with him in the first few notes. His music is NOT something to be underestimated. You may hate it, but it has unfathomnable amounts of power. And that power? 

Billy Joe Cobra isn’t afraid to use that to TEAR. YOU. APART. 

All it would take is one diss track. One diss track, and your whole life is over. EVEN after he’s died, you’re gonna be fucked for life. You’re pretty much guarenteed to be miserable for the rest of your days. Your career, if you were famous, is over -- nobody has ever survived a diss track, barring Miss BlahBlah. Think about it -- with his BILLIONS of fans, with the insane amount of influence he holds over the world ina  vice grip, and with how rabid and fiercely his Cobrahead fanbase adores him? You do the math. They’re going to help make your life a living hell, and billy KNOWS it. He doesn’t ever regret it either -- if you have a disstrack made on you, then you absolutely deserved it. And BJC is going to laugh and enjoy your misery, watching you fall while he grows even bigger, as karmic justice. 

The thing about Miss BlahBlah’s career getting tanked is she made the mistake of trying to start a fued with Billy that she ultimately lost. She was in WAAAAY over her head, and should have known better than to try and copy him, or kill his chicken. She was haughty and in over her head, and thought she could knock down BJC a peg. She should have known that nobody can knock him down a peg.

But look where that got her! It left her in a fucking gutter, her career taking such massive damage she’s barely ever relevant anymore. Her name is barely spoken, people barely ever acknowledge her existence -- sure, she’s on the red carpet sometimes, but even then, nobody ever pays her any mind. This is just one prime example of his power being put into use -- and why you should never, ever make BJC angry. 

While it’s easy to annoy Billy, it’s actually VERY hard to genuinely piss him off. And when he’s genuinely angry, he doesn’t throw a diva tantrum -- he doesn’t get loud, or make a scene of it. He gets bitter, icy, and physically imposing -- an angry billy is a VERY SCARY BILLY. If you’ve everpushed him to this point, to the raw  emotion past the theatrics he keeps up just to entertain himself, you have fucked up BIG TIME. You will never, ever be able to recover. Don’t fuck him over -- don’t hurt him, and think you can get away with it. Don’t try to smear his carefully, precisely crafted public image that he works to maintain, or he’ll make you wish you were dead. 

Don’t put him down; he knows his worth. And he knows his place is at the top of the foodchain -- he’ll put anyone who doesn’t comply in their fucking place if he has to, and he has no problem doing that. He’s above just about everyone and he knows it. Those who don’t heed his warning are doomed to fail, and he’ll gleefully put you in your place. He looks down upon just about everyone who tries to knock him off his metaphorical throne -- try that, and you’re dead meat.

So, it is in your best interest to always remember his mantra when interacting with him.

“You mess with the Cobra, you’re GONNA get the fangs.”

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3

[festeringneondistraction]

Im trying to break out of the looping

Anyone else with obsessive tendencies, intrusive thoughts, or really just any severe anxiety disorder get super stuck in loops? Like one thought or one idea will just STAY in my brain. Sometimes its a series of thoughts. More like a small train of thought. Sometimes its really important life stuff you gotta deal with other times its super stupid shit, shit that isn't worth stressing over.

I'm constantly in an obsessive loop over the course of my life. Am I on the right path?Are the people in my life right for me? JOB?? COLLAGE??? a place to live. rent all the details allllllll the pros and cons.

Its frustrating when I go to present an idea to some one which i have meticulously thought out every.goddamn.detail. and they dont believe that i have it covered.

I dont need anyone i guess... but i do thats the thing. I want people to care about me. I want someone else to do the work sometimes. IT feels like being alive and just living with a brain takes 10 time for energy and work than it does for others. Im so exhausted and burntout. I have Covid right now... second time ever. I was careful but I got it at a funeral like a week before starting a new job. Which is like my DREAM job by the way. Im terrified of failing. im terrified im going to crack under the pressure and self sabotage. Im so so so sick of the pressure that's just naturally on me. Im also putting a lot of that pressure on my self. I hate the idea of pushing my partner because he also doesnt respond well to that

I don't know... I just need therapy and sleep i guess. BUt if the words are out they cant hurt me. I'm also on my period and i have PMDD so there's that. I think im sad... I'm not amazing at letting myself feel feelings. I can analyse them and intellectualize them alllllllll day though :)

I might be moving to colorado springs in like 6 months,,, Its definitely the best course of action and im used to having at very least one major life change per year at this rate. This isn't a new process. This isn't even my first or second move crossing state lines. I live in Albuquerque and I love New Mexico but abq kinda sucks. Super isolationing terrible economy zero social mobility. The social mobility thing is very real. It has literally plagued my family for generations. I love New Mexico I just wish that I could live here without living in poverty.

It seems like things are looking up and from an objective point of view they are looking up however im still drowning. This very well could just be the PMDD and Covid talking. IM really tired. Its 2;18 pm bf is still asleep.. that not a problem i'm just bored. My writing while a healthy coping skill can turn obsessive very quickly so i should probably stop for now.

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Fluff alphabet with Porco

{ Porco x reader | tw:none | fluff | modern }

{ "Charlotte Wolter als Messalina" 1875 by Hans Makart 1840 - 1884 }

P is for PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Very upfront and vocal about his relationship, bringing you up in random conversations, sharing small details whenever something reminds him of you and showing you off like you're made of gold whenever the topic is brought up.

He does it unconsciously too, yet gets protective whenever someone seems too interested in you.

It's just common sense for him to be like this since he loves you so much, so why wouldn't he brag about you like you invented the sun, both in front of his friends and strangers at work. 

Doesn't allow any slander to your name, if anyone has a problem with you then they need to get through him first because he will defend you like his life depends on it, it's his own form of love to stand up for you and fight your fights.

Has a hard time understanding sometimes you need to fight alone and deal with your problems on your own, he's just really worried and would rather do it himself instead

Will try to convince you otherwise but if you insist he will reluctantly agree since in the end he respects your boundaries, although will be a bit sarcastic and passive aggressive afterwards.

It's just that secretly he's afraid of you not needing him, so he wants to prove his worth to you, even if his overprotective tendencies can get overbearing at times.

He's also on board with any form of public affection but tries to play it cool because otherwise he will get flustered in front of people. But when you're alone he's the most affectionate love struck puppy ever, constantly touching you in some way, urging you to play with his hair and kissing you in every now and then.

Will deny this each and every time you bring it up and say you're the one who's clinging to him, despite him currently cuddling you from behind, face resting on your shoulder while you scroll through your phone.

He's also the little spoon but shhh.

Yet outside the furthest he'll go is having an arm around you, doesn't try anything else on his end. 

O is for on Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He's generally more calmer and at peace when smitten, more considerate of other people and not as easily riled up. His face doesn't really show anything but the drumming of his fingers against the desk says otherwise.

Only noticeable for the people close to him, strangers can't really tell and work friends would just think he's in a slightly better mood, even if he's swimming through the clouds inside.

To you, if he's feeling more in love than usual, he wouldn't say it outright, god forbid he shows vulnerability at any time except before falling asleep.

Instead he'll stare at you more, tace his fingers over your hand more and whisper in your ear more.

Nonchalantly giving you random compliments in a passive way, for example:

"You should wear this outfit more."

"Smiling really suits your eyes"

"Your voice helps me sleep, it's soothing."

Shows his love in way like: 

"You could've told me to do it instead, you know? You should rest."

"You made this for me? Alright then I'm cooking your favourite tomorrow, no this isn't negotiable."

"Hey I'm going to the store, what snacks do you want? Yeah it's for the movie you mentioned since I'm free today."

R is for romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Doesn't know much about romance but if he ever is, it's mostly by accident since he can be smooth without trying or realising it.

He truly brought these flowers because Pieck took him with her to the store and he just happened to see them, doesn't even think much of it except that they look pretty, and you look pretty so it makes sense.

Of course he brought you food in bed, it's just to save time. You weren't getting up and he hates eating alone, why are you smiling? 

The only reason he took you to this really nice spot near the lake was because he thought your eyes looked pretty when reflecting sunlight, what's a picnic? 

Other than that he doesn't know much about romance, romantic movies never were interesting to him and lovey dovey stuff never crossed his mind. He just acts on what he feels is right and what seems to make you happy

Especially when it comes to words, his actions speak much more than his mouth ever can. He just doesn't know what to say and gets frustrated that he can't just show you how much he adores you instead of saying it.

Although to other people, and by Porco's usual skepticism and general manners, he doesn't talk to anyone else like he talks to you. Hell he even brags about you which shocked all of his friends, since the only person he spoke about this way before was Marcel.

In conclusion, pure romance isn't in his vocabulary but if you ask him he'll attempt his best, though keep your expectations low, since he's doing something out of his comfort zone, otherwise it will end up with both of you getting frustrated. 

C is for comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He'd instantly wrap you in his arms and attempt to ask what's wrong or if someone did something, till he realises you're not in a good shape to reply that he changes his approach and attempts to soothe you.

Won't let you go or leave your side, will listen to everything you say without hesitation and reminds you that he's here, you're not alone and he wouldn't let anything harm you in any way, you're safe and he will make sure it stays this way.

Isn't good with words but his actions show how much he cares, he actually panics himself when you do but is good at hiding it. Will watch over you when you fall asleep and be there when you wake up, bringing you water or something to drink.

Reminds you that you can tell him anything, he loves you and won't judge, he's on your side no matter what.

Gets emotional himself, even feels a bit of guilt at not noticing what you're going through sooner, will apologise assuming it's something he did without asking.

He'd keep this up for the rest of the week, till he's sure you're better. Paying close attention and being much nicer than usual even when you insist it's okay.

O is for on Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Porco isn't good at expressing his feelings, mostly keeping them buried inside and never letting anyone too close, even rivaling Annie in this trait.

Reading him is pretty hard too since he tends to always wear the tough stoic mask that it's hard to tell when it slips away, he's pretty good at faking his emotions for the sake of other people too and not to make them worried.

If he ever does share a moment of vulnerability with you, it's after dating for a long while that he feels safe enough around you.

He also tends to put your feelings before his, which isn't a good thing since he will underplay his frustration with something and keeps it inside till it bubbles and pops out later in a big way, arguments with him are a matter of when, they will happen eventually.

In which he pours his heart out for you, everything that upset him, his anger is just suppressed sadness who doesn't know itself anymore.

If you can see through that and comfort him instead of feeding into his argument, he will calm down and apologise.

Then have a heart to heart moment with you when he vents about the stress he's been under, how sorry he is for taking it out on you and how much you being by his side means to him.

With you he starts learning how to share vulnerability in healthy ways and how to depend on you too, that he can let his guard down and you won't hurt him.

[foreverlogical]

Donald Trump’s descent into madness continues.

The latest manifestation of this is a report in The New York Times that the president is weighing appointing the conspiracy theorist Sidney Powell, who for a time worked on his legal team, to be special counsel to investigate imaginary claims of voter fraud.

As if that were not enough, we also learned that former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn, who was pardoned by the president after pleading guilty to lying to the FBI, attended the Friday meeting. Earlier in the week, Flynn, a retired lieutenant general, floated the idea (which he had promoted before) that the president impose martial law and deploy the military to “rerun” the election in several closely contested states that voted against Trump. It appears that Flynn wants to turn them into literal battleground states.\

None of this should come as a surprise. Some of us said, even before he became president, that Donald Trump’s Rosetta Stone, the key to deciphering him, was his psychology—his disordered personality, his emotional and mental instability, and his sociopathic tendencies. It was the main reason, though hardly the only reason, I refused to vote for him in 2016 or in 2020, despite having worked in the three previous Republican administrations. Nothing that Trump has done over the past four years has caused me to rethink my assessment, and a great deal has happened to confirm it.

Given Trump’s psychological profile, it was inevitable that when he felt the walls of reality close in on him—in 2020, it was the pandemic, the cratering economy, and his election defeat—he would detach himself even further from reality. It was predictable that the president would assert even more bizarre conspiracy theories. That he would become more enraged and embittered, more desperate and despondent, more consumed by his grievances. That he would go against past supplicants, like Attorney General Bill Barr and Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, and become more aggressive toward his perceived enemies. That his wits would begin to turn, in the words of King Lear. That he would begin to lose his mind.

So he has. And, as a result, President Trump has become even more destabilizing and dangerous.

“I’ve been covering Donald Trump for a while,” Jonathan Swan of Axios tweeted. “I can’t recall hearing more intense concern from senior officials who are actually Trump people. The Sidney Powell/Michael Flynn ideas are finding an enthusiastic audience at the top.”

Even amid the chaos, it’s worth taking a step back to think about where we are: An American president, unwilling to concede his defeat by 7 million popular votes and 74 Electoral College votes, is still trying to steal the election. It has become his obsession.

In the process, Trump has in too many cases turned his party into an instrument of illiberalism and nihilism. Here are just a couple of data points to underscore that claim: 18 attorneys generals and more than half the Republicans in the House supported a seditious abuse of the judicial process.

And it’s not only, or even mainly, elected officials. The Republican Party’s base has often followed Trump into the twilight zone, with a sizable majority of them affirming that Joe Biden won the election based on fraud and many of them turning against medical science in the face of a surging pandemic.

COVID-19 is now killing Americans at the rate of about one per minute, but the president is “just done with COVID,” a source identified as one of Trump’s closest advisers told The Washington Post. “I think he put it on a timetable and he’s done with COVID ... It just exceeded the amount of time he gave it.”

This is where Trump’s crippling psychological condition—his complete inability to face unpleasant facts, his toxic narcissism, and his utter lack of empathy—became lethal. Trump’s negligence turned what would have been a difficult winter into a dark one. If any of his predecessors—Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George H. W. Bush, and Ronald Reagan, to go back just 40 years—had been president during this pandemic, tens of thousands of American lives would almost surely have been saved.

“My concern was, in the worst part of the battle, the general was missing in action,” said Maryland Governor Larry Hogan, one of the very few Republicans to speak truth in the Trump era.

In 30 days, Donald Trump will leave the presidency, with his efforts to mount a coup having failed. The encouraging news is that it never really had a chance of succeeding. Our institutions, especially the courts, will have passed a stress test, not the most difficult ever but difficult enough, and unlike any in our history. Some local officials exhibited profiles in courage, doing the right thing in the face of threats and pressure from their party. And a preponderance of the American public, having lived through the past four years, deserve credit for canceling this presidential freak show rather than renewing it. The “exhausted majority” wasn’t too exhausted to get out and vote, even in a pandemic.

But the Trump presidency will leave gaping wounds nearly everywhere, and ruination in some places. Truth as a concept has been battered from the highest office in the land on an almost hourly basis. The Republican Party has been radicalized, with countless Republican lawmakers and other prominent figures within the party having revealed themselves to be moral cowards, even, and in some ways especially, after Trump was defeated. During the Trump presidency, they were so afraid of getting crosswise with him and his supporters that they failed the Solzhenitsyn test: “The simple act of an ordinary brave man is not to participate in lies, not to support false actions! His rule: Let that come into the world, let it even reign supreme—only not through me.

”During the past four years, the right-wing ecosystem became more and more rabid. Many prominent evangelical supporters of the president are either obsequious, like Franklin Graham, or delusional, like Eric Metaxas, and they now peddle their delusions as being written by God. QAnon and the Proud Boys, Newsmax and One America News, Alex Jones and Tucker Carlson—all have been emboldened.

These worrisome trends began before Trump ran for office, and they won’t disappear after he leaves the presidency. Those who hope for a quick snapback will be disappointed. Still, having Trump out of office has to help. He’s going to find out that there’s no comparable bully pulpit. And the media, if they are wise, will cut off his oxygen, which is attention. They had no choice but to cover Trump’s provocations when he was president; when he’s an ex-president, that will change.

For the foreseeable future, journalists will rightly focus on the pandemic. But once that is contained and defeated, it will be time to go back to focusing more attention on things like the Paris Accords and the carbon tax; the earned-income tax credit and infrastructure; entitlement reform and monetary policy; charter schools and campus speech codes; legal immigration, asylum, assimilation, and social mobility. There is also an opportunity, with Trump a former president, for the Republican Party to once again become the home of sane conservatism. Whether that happens or not is an open question. But it’s something many of us are willing to work for, and that even progressives should hope for.Beyond that, and more fundamental than that, we have to remind ourselves that we are not powerless to shape the future; that much of what has been broken can be repaired; that though we are many, we can be one; and that fatalism and cynicism are unwarranted and corrosive.

There’s a lovely line in William Wordsworth’s poem “The Prelude”: “What we have loved, Others will love, and we will teach them how.

”There are still things worthy of our love. Honor, decency, courage, beauty, and truth. Tenderness, human empathy, and a sense of duty. A good society. And a commitment to human dignity. We need to teach others—in our individual relationships, in our classrooms and communities, in our book clubs and Bible studies, and in innumerable other settings—why those things are worthy of their attention, their loyalty, their love. One person doing it won’t make much of a difference; a lot of people doing it will create a culture.

Maybe we understand better than we did five years ago why these things are essential to our lives, and why when we neglect them or elect leaders who ridicule and subvert them, life becomes nasty, brutish, and generally unpleasant.

Just after noon on January 20, a new and necessary chapter will begin in the American story. Joe Biden will certainly play a role in shaping how that story turns out—but so will you and I. Ours is a good and estimable republic, if we can keep it.

PETER WEHNER is a contributing writer at The Atlantic and a senior fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He writes widely on political, cultural, religious, and national-security issues, and he is the author of The Death of Politics: How to Heal Our Frayed Republic After Trump.

[shoichee]

Hello! Can I perhaps ask for no. 28. “Make me” from your prompt list for my beloved Imayoshi? It's so nice seeing him here on your theme and avatar and that pERFECT url, it feels like I finally found my people.

HELLO HELLO, and YES I WAS SO SURPRISED THAT NO ONE TOOK THIS URL... considering that it was just an alternative spelling of shoichi and its a rlly short handle too mwehe // im sort of a particular person when it comes to how something looks, whether itd be outfits, drawings, coloring, and the UI of a blog, u name it.... i may have spent hours trying to have the perfect colors for this theme PLEASEEEE, but without further ado here is our man, our little shit, Imayoshi

@knb-kreations howdy! another new work posted here!

Imayoshi x Reader

28. “Make me”

Word Count: 2331

prompt list here

»»—————　☼　—————««

Imayoshi doesn’t exactly know how he feels about you.

Scratch that, he does know. He’s quite amused at the shenanigans you pull on others around you, and a lot of times, you actually elicit a few dry laughs out of the guy. Other times though, he’d wish that you would just shut the fuck up, especially when all he hears amidst his studying was your loud “whispering” and “hushed” jokes. How you were always nearby no matter where he is was still a mystery that he casually ponders about from time to time. Perhaps your natural tendency to project your voice creates the illusion that you were near when you really weren’t?

No matter, such trivial thoughts can’t occupy his mind when college entrance exams loom closer. Then again, they weren’t particularly difficult; they were simply a hassle to secure near-perfect scores, especially when his chances of admittance rely critically on how well he does.

“That’s an awful drawing of a samurai,” Susa comments, snapping Imayoshi out of idle thought.

“Ho? Is it really terrible if you were able to tell what it is?” Imayoshi chuckles. “The point of a drawing is to convey the right idea or emotion. It seems that my drawing skills hit a bulls-eye with this sketch, no?” He playfully spins his pencil around, patiently waiting for his reply to goad him.

All Susa does in response is to roll his eyes before he turns his full attention back to his notes. He knows better than to try a comeback against Imayoshi, who can easily make it backfire against the person with a pleasant close-eyed smile. Imayoshi, seeing Susa’s nonverbal resign from engaging further banter, also looks down back to his book of scribbled notes and chicken-scratch drawings before he exhales an inaudible sigh.

School just doesn’t cut out to be mentally stimulating for him. It’s a little too repetitive and mundane for his taste.

“Argh!! Oh no!” your voice rang out, despite your poor attempt to be reasonably quiet. “I forgot applications for the Coca-Cola scholarship are due today!”

Coca-Cola… what?

Everyone looks up to warily eye you, and your few friends, who are currently rushing to pull you down and slap their hands over your mouth to mute you, were panicking at the new attention you managed to garner. Even still, your mind seems more fixated on whatever was on the laptop’s screen, rather than what they were doing to you.

Imayoshi can’t help but stifle his audible mirth from how you manage to change the mood of the entire library within seconds.

“How do you even forget something as important as a huge scholarship like that?” Susa says in dismay. “Makes me kind of wonder how (l/n) would handle life after graduation, to be honest.”

“Well,” Imayoshi begins. “I wouldn’t worry too much. It’s best not to underestimate (l/n)-san. Surely we’ve learned our lesson with Seirin?” He toys with the pencil grip before he sporadically draws some lines loosely resembling another sketch.

“Drawing again?” Susa raises a brow. “Have you even been studying?”

“Well,” he replies. “There’s still plenty of time before exams—months to be exact. Could you even study with the current distractions in here?” At his own words, he nudges his chin in your direction.

“It’s not just any exams though, it’s—”

“Whether they have more importance or not doesn’t really concern me. After all, standardized testing isn’t worth stressing out for when we’ve taken essentially the same thing all our lives.”

“What most are worried about is the content inside the exams, Imayoshi,” he said, carefully treading into dangerous waters with Imayoshi’s tendency to take all replies as mind-game challenges for his own amusement.

“‘If you have been paying attention consistently throughout the year, you wouldn’t be having much trouble…’ that’s what you once oh-so-wisely said to Wakamatsu yesterday, hmm?” His mimicking tone drips a hint of arrogance. “Unless you mean to tell me my ears do not work? But by all means, please feel free to correct me.”

“That’s different,” he sighed, his face clearly evident that he was done with Imayoshi’s shit. “That exam only tested content for the past year, not your entire academic repertoire over the courses of middle and high school.”

“I’d like to think that the logic still applies the same way.”

“Well,” Susa heaves with a languid stretch. “You generally score better on the exams than me, so you’re probably right. Still, don’t neglect your studying.”

“Right, right, Susa-senpai~”

“... Please don’t call me that again.”

“... If you say so,” he said, but his smile blatantly showed his real intentions of never stopping his irritable quips. Susa gets ready to pack up his book bag before he heads out the door with a friendly wave. Imayoshi half-heartedly returns the gesture with a casual wave of his own. He immediately notices you also packed up and about to leave with a worried frown, and of course, while audibly mumbling your concerns and makeshift schedules to accommodate time for last-minute essay writing. By now, all of your friends have left for home.

“Ah, biology lab due next week, kanji worksheets due tomorrow, hmm, um, how would I finish this on time… ah, calculus test is tomorrow too, ah shit… should I ask someone to tutor?—ah, but it’s super last minute, and there’s still that scholarship… argh, fuck!” Your voice peaked in volume at the end, and the librarian immediately shot daggers at you.

“Shhhhh!”

“A-Ah! S-Sorry, sorry!”

Imayoshi was watching you with his chin on his arm propped up on the desk, unable to control the smile that escaped his lips. You really were entertaining to watch, and you never cease to bore him.

He turns away to crack his neck and roll it around before methodically packing up his writing utensils and notebooks. Soft shuffling filled the air as he rearranged the items inside his bag. As he turns to pack the last thing on the table, which happened to be the notebook filled with his idle doodling, his face slightly softens at the drawing he did after the samurai. Yes, the one Susa chastised him for when he could’ve been studying. Yes, perhaps he was right when he was terrible at drawing after all; your panicked face and wild hand gestures didn’t really translate well into paper, and it looked a little too much like a horror comic and less than a sketch of you. Still, he’s oddly proud of it.

Imayoshi promptly pushes the chair in and leaves the library, but when he rounds the corner of the adjacent hallway, he bumps into you.

“Er—hi! I mean, please, uhhh… if it isn’t too much to ask—canyoupleasetutormeforthecalculustesttomorrowbecausemyfinalgradedependsonthat?”

Imayoshi winces at the sheer volume of your voice and plugs his ears in out of habit to block out some of the decibels. Wakamatsu was eerily similar to you in that regard. Only difference between the two of you was that you were deceptively intelligent. Extremely so.

“My, my, if it isn’t (l/n)-senpai!” He fakes a surprised look, earning him an eye roll on your end. “You need someone like me to teach you the works?”

“I—what? We’re literally in the same calc class, Imayoshi,” you retort. “Besides, drop the ‘senpai’ honorific. It feels so slimy when you say it so disingenuously… Aren’t we both 3rd years too?”

“I’m so hurt,” he mocks. “What if I was really genuine with you?”

“Look, right now, no remarks from you, Evil Glasses,” you say. “It’s really, really urgent and I don’t know how to grasp the material for the class lately, plus my essay, ugh…” You rub your fingers against your temples in an attempt to make the stressful headaches disappear while Imayoshi simply watches with his eyes slightly open.

“... You usually do well on all your exams, no? Unless my eyes and memory fail me.” It was true; even though you were as loud-mouthed as Wakamatsu, you would often shock a lot of people when your name always appeared in the higher percentiles of exam results. Apparently most students and teachers associate your rowdy personality with an expected subpar academic performance. He has you to thank for when your score reports always cause reactions of utter disbelief from the teachers. You really do liven up the school and make it a lot more unorthodox.

“I guess…” you mumble. “But I really wanna do especially well for this one because math is my weakest subject, and you always score the highest for these types of exams, so…”

“It may be my best subject,” he says, leaning slightly closer to your face. “But I’m not the one with the highest scores in any math subjects throughout these years, and we both know that quite well, don’t we, (l/n)? Why don’t you come clean about the real reason why you’re here?”

“Oh my literal fuck—Imayoshi, you’re one of the best students in calc right now regardless of exam results,” you petulantly huffed, not backing down from his intimidation. Imayoshi notes your cheeks reddening, and he figured it was either because of the close proximity between your faces or the fact you were frustrated… perhaps both. “And you’re the only one around here on campus who I could ask!”

“Really now,” he chimes, moving closer to whisper in your ear. “Are you sure?” With incoherent stammers, you backed away from him, slapping your hands against both of your ears to protect them.

“W-W-What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Looks like I won this one, (l/n)-san,” he purrs, relishing the fact that only he could render you this quiet. “Ho? What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

“I—Shut up!” you lamely shoot back. “You can just say no if you really don’t wanna do this—urgh, I’m leaving, I’m not gonna waste any more time—”

“How hurtful,” he dryly remarks, standing up straight again after leaning for a quite a while. “It’s almost as if you’re rejecting me~” He knew you would always take his bait and quip back (unlike Susa), regardless of whether or not you tell him that you weren’t going to engage further.

“As if,” you snorted, making another exaggerated eye roll. “You’re the last person who would ever be hurt from this.”

“Dear me!” he exclaims. “Have you ever considered that perhaps I don’t help out people for free? Did you think I would be a gracious, selfless person who would help you like a saint?”

“Okay, fine! Perhaps I didn’t think that far ahead, okay? You just were the first person that came to mind, and I thought asking you wouldn’t hurt.” His smirk widens almost maliciously at your words, lips already opening to deliver another irritating quip before you immediately spoke again to stop him. “Okay, Imayoshi, you little shit, just shut up—I don’t wanna hear anything from your mouth right now.”

“I don’t see any reason why I should listen to you at all,” he muses. “Why don’t you make me?” He has a shit-eating grin plastered across his face, eagerly eyeing your next move, and as he expected, you let out a frustrated noise that prompted passerby students to shoot pointed looks towards the both of you.

What he didn’t expect was for you to take a huge step towards him, unceremoniously pull him down to your level, and press a reverberating smack on his lips. His eyes are immediately blown wide open to look at your embarrassed, but determined face. His fingers unconsciously move to touch his warmed lips.

“... That was quite romantic, wasn’t it, (l/n)?” he dryly says, recovering almost immediately from the shock. All the other students fled from the blatantly bold scene to save face. Not that Imayoshi really cared.

“Okay, you know what? Bye, I’m not gonna play anymore mind games with you,” you grumble. “Essays and studying aren’t gonna be done by themselves—wah!”

Imayoshi gently tugs you back to reciprocate back a kiss, meticulously slipping his hands behind your head and on your waist to accommodate you. Your eyes are completely open from the shock that the Imayoshi Shoichi was actually kissing you. You don’t close your eyes from the sensation, completely entranced when you make eye contact with his half-lidded eyes watching your every reaction closely. The kiss ended all too soon, and Imayoshi separates himself from you, secretly admiring your dazed look.

“That was quite a strong reaction to just a simple kiss.”

“I—that was not just a ‘simple kiss!’”

“Now would you like to tell me the true reason why you approached me?”

“You’re… insinuating that you know something.”

“Well we wouldn’t know unless you come clean,” Imayoshi purrs. “I can sometimes be wrong too.”

“Ugh, what the hell—fine, I am quite enamored by you, and uh, I… find it infuriating to be with you, but it also gives me butterflies… so I thought I could be with you more… if I asked you—don’t get it twisted, though! I still need your help to study!...” He covers his mouth to suppress a laugh at your honesty.

“Was it really so hard to say that in the beginning, (l/n)-san?”

“Okay, that’s it! I’m really, really leaving! Fuck off, Imayoshi, I swear to—”

“Ho? Just a minute, darling~” he tuts, reaching to hold your hand. “Perhaps if you offer more kisses as an incentive, I’d be more inclined to offer my expertise.”

“How quaint,” you dryly reply. “It’s almost as if we’re in a relationship.”

Imayoshi can’t help but bark out a genuine laugh. You even managed to pick up some of his mannerisms so quickly.

“That’s an interesting proposal, (l/n),” he murmurs. “Should we try that?” You tut at him irritatedly as you tug your interlocked hands while speed-walking ahead.

“Hurry up, or I’ll consider breaking up with you right now.”

“Ah ha!~” he chuckles at your attitude. “How mean, (l/n)-san! Too bad that we both know that’s not going to happen anytime soon.”

[inkmyname]

The Ember Island Players: performing toxic masculinity and narrative complicity in propagating misogyny

Initially I wasn’t going to respond to concerns about Katara’s racist/misogynistic portrayal in the Ember Island Players with anything more than snarky tags, but apparently I can’t keep my mouth shut, so I’m posting my response as a standalone meta about how the writers’ insistence on creating drama for drama’s sake leads them to--in lieu of actual character development--fall back on lazy narrative shortcuts whereby a performance of toxic masculinity against a gendered heternormative background is used to create tension in a romantic relationship, presumably with the goal of keeping the audience invested.

The Ember Island Players is problematic for a lot of reasons, not least of which is the pervasive tone-deaf misogyny, including racialized misogyny, directed at Katara. There’s a lot of meta on this, so I’d like to focus on something different: Aang’s relationship with gender and romantic attachments.

Aang seems so uncharacteristically chagrined the whole episode: “I’m not a woman!” Based on his previous characterization up to this point:

The Fortuneteller. This is the same Aang who makes a necklace for Katara when she loses her mother’s. Observe how he responds to Sokka’s jibe about jewelry-making, which can be seen as a feminine pursuit: Sokka: Great, Aang. Maybe instead of saving the world, you can go into the jewelry-making business. Aang: I don’t see why I can’t do both. Femininity isn’t presented as being mutually exclusive with narrative pursuits like saving the world which have traditionally centered male protagonists (especially if we take the entire canon of anything every written in any genre that’s not specifically, say, something like shoujo or jounen which are directed and young girls and women, the narrative focus on male personalities is overwhelming).

The Warriors of Kyoshi. Oh, and this is the same Aang that dressed up in full Kyoshi gear, kabuki makeup and all, without complaint. Why would he? After all, she was him in a past life. (There’s a whole meta here about gender-critical analysis of kabuki productions where male actors typically assumed female roles and how Avatar both takes inspiration from this real-life kernel and subverts it in Rise of Kyoshi where Kyoshi’s signature look is not only an homage to her parental heritage but also a reimagining of who can inhabit what roles. Her legacy, though imperfect, is also notably feminist, taking face paint worn typically by men IRL and expanding it into war paint for women warriors.) (There’s also great headcanon-adjacent meta here about gender non-conformity and non-binary identities in Avatar. Avatar was not overtly explicit about its feminist or gender-progressive mindset outside of episodes like The Warriors of Kyoshi or The Waterbending Master, but it was still way ahead of its time. If anyone was to be presented or headcanoned in such a way, it would be the Avatar who’s lived a thousand lives, inhabiting a thousand skins and a thousand identities, including gender identities. There’s also cool crossover meta here about the Legend of Korra depicting a female Avatar in Korra with masculine tendencies and visible muscle vs Aang as a male Avatar with a gentler pacifistic spirit and gender nonconforming tendencies.)

The Cave of Two Lovers. Aang wears a freaking flower crown and is generally wholesome and adorable, even leading up to the “let’s kiss lest we die” scene with Katara. He’s not pushy or overly concerned with appearing masculine and it is in fact Katara who suggests the kiss and Aang makes a fool of himself. From the transcript: Katara [Shyly, blushing.] Well, what if we … kissed? Aang [Very surprised.] Us … kissing‌? Katara See? It was a crazy idea. Aang [Dreamily.] Us … kissing … Katara [Fake-jokingly.] Us kissing. What was I thinking? Can you imagine that‌? Aang [Fake-jokingly.] Yeah. [Awkwardly laughs.] I definitely wouldn’t want to kiss you! [Beat.] Katara [Insulted.] Oh, well! I didn’t realize it was such a horrible option. [Angrily.] Sorry I suggested it! Aang [Realizing his mistake.] No, no, I mean … if there was a choice between kissing you and dying … Katara [Disgusted.] Ugh! Aang [Desperately.] What? I’m saying is I would rather kiss you than die - that’s a compliment. Katara [Enraged.] Well, I’m not sure which I’d rather do! [Slams the torch into his hand and storms away.] Aang [Miserably.] What is wrong with me … Aang, sweetie, this is not what you say to a girl you want to kiss, but generally, this is Wholesome™ and narratively, this is Good™. Eventually, they do kiss and that’s perfectly acceptable because there’s a whole conversation beforehand with humorous romantic framing. There’s consent and communication and initiative by the female protagonist. So solid A on the sensitive writing.

General Air Nomad culture. We don’t get a lot of Air Nomad culture in the show (and what little we do get what presented in such a misguided way, especially the whole commitment to forgiveness/pacifism which was handled in such an amateur black-and-white way from a writing perspective in season 3). But I digress. I really, really don’t think that Air Nomads who were so concerned with the spiritual side of bending and general existence had stringent notions of gender and romantic relationships–at the very least, they had very different notions of these issues compared to, say, the Northern Water Tribe. Canonically, even though AN philosophy emphasized detachment, Air Nomads practiced free love. Same-gender romance was freely accepted unlike in the homophobic Earth Kingdom (which even Kyoshi, a bisexual woman, wasn’t able to change) and the militant Fire Nation (Sozin outlawed homosexuality after declaring world war, essentially). And though the temples were gender-segregated, it seems that the burden of raising children fell to the entire community instead of just the women. Both male and female Air Nomads are revered. In the case of the former, Guru Laghima who unlocked the power of flight through achieving complete detachment from the material world. And in the case of the latter, Avatar Yangchen, who has statues everywhere because she came to be revered as a deity not just among Air Nomads but in the physical world in general. Nowhere in Air Nomad philosophy is the concept of gender, romance, love, sexuality, relationships etc. etc. tainted with jealousy and possessiveness (especially towards women) or rigid binary heternormativity.

So this was Aang for the better part of the first half of the series. Not overly concerned with gender roles. Pretty much fumbling his way through his first crush like a lovesick puppy and it’s all very wholesome. Supposedly a classic product of Air Nomad upbringing.

Meanwhile, Aang in EIP:

Checks out Katara’s butt as she’s sitting down.

Gets mad at being portrayed by a woman.

Accuses Katara of being the racialized misogynistic version of herself depicted on stage ([sarcastically]“Yeah, that’s not you at all.”).

Nods in agreement when the misogynistic stage production of Katara presents her as the “Avatar’s girl.”

Unable to differentiate between fiction and reality and puts the onus on Katara to do the emotional labor to justify something she never said (”Katara, did you really mean what you said in there? On stage, when you said I was just like a … brother to you, and you didn’t have feelings for me.”)

Assumes they would just… fall into a relationship… just because he forcibly kissed her at the invasion and again pressures Katara to do the emotional labor to justify why their relationship is not how he wants it (“But it’s true, isn’t it? We kissed at the Invasion, and I thought we were gonna be together. But we’re not.” / “Aang, I don’t know.” / “Why don’t you know?”)

Forces a non-consensual kiss on her even though “I just said I was confused!”

So, there’s so many things wrong with this, most of which are a laundry list of behaviors typical of toxic masculinity:

Ogling

Outdated misogynistic humor (what’s wrong with being a woman?)

Verbal abuse

Offloading emotional labor

Gaslighting

Pressuring a potential romantic partner

Lack of direct communication about romantic desires

Lack of sensitivity

Lack of active listening

Lack of emotional intelligence and empathy

Lack of consent and sexual assault

I could go on and on.

My question is Where and when did he learn these toxic behaviors? What happened to the wholesome boy making necklaces, wearing flower crowns, and generally being adorable in a kid with a first crush kind of way when it comes to romance?

Now, you can argue that EIP players Aang has been through a lot, including being shot by lightning and actually dying, and after the failed invasion, he’s stressed out with the weight of the world on his shoulders and maybe not expressing himself or his desires in the best way and taking out all of his frustrations on Katara.

Except… that is all just conjecture because the actual writing of the show doesn’t put in the hard work and make those connections. Instead, they fall back on misogynistic tropes and toxic heternormative romance tropes and a forced love triangle subtext and they just, to put it politely, fuck it up, two and a half seasons’ worth of work, gone, in the space of one episode. And even if it weren’t conjecture, it would still be wrong of Aang to act the way he did.

Let’s list Aang and Katara’s interaction in relation to each other in season 3:

The Headband. “Don’t worry about them. It’s just you and me right now,” Aang says as he pulls Katara into a dance. I have qualms about the writing of this episode: the creators wasted a golden opportunity to flesh out the Air Nomad genocide because they were too busy playing footloose in a cave, they wrote Katara–the same Katara would said fuck you to Pakku, freed enslaved earthbenders from a Fire Navy prison, and became a spirit goddess ecoterrorist to help a village in an enemy nation–as uncharacteristically shy just so Aang could sweep in and pull her into a dance. But like fine, whatever. It’s cute and really well-chreographed and there’s actually appropriate romantic framing here for once and at the end of the dance, look at Katara’s face–she’s happy! Positive Kataang interaction, and I don’t actually mind it. 7/10.

The Day of Black Sun Pt.1. He forces a kiss on her on the mouth, taking her completely by surprise. A chaste kiss on the cheek and a wistful pining last look and “Be safe” might have been acceptable, but given Katara’s shocked and uncomfortable body language, the kiss on the mouth was not. Worse yet, the show just… forgets… to follow up on it for several episodes and when it’s brought up again, it’s used as a sledgehammer to punish Katara for not magically being with Aang. 0/10.

The Painted Lady. Let’s look at the transcript: Katara [Using a disguised voice.] Well, hello Avatar. I wish I could talk, but I am very busy. Aang Yeah, me too. I hate that. [Looks at Katara’s face from behind the veil.] You know, you’re really pretty, for a spirit. I don’t meet too many spirits, but the ones I do meet, not very attractive. [Looks at Katara suspiciously. Tries to look under the hat.] Katara [Giggles nervously.] Thank you, but- Aang You seem familiar too. Katara A lot of people say that. Aang [Suspicious.] No, you really seem familiar. Katara Look, I really should get going. [Covers her face and runs, but Aang uses his airbending and blasts her hat up into the air, exposing her.] Aang Katara? Katara [Guiltily.] Hi, Aang. Aang [Shocked.] You’re the Painted Lady? [Pointing at Katara.] But how?Katara I wasn’t her at first, I was just trying to help the village. [Takes her hat off.] But since everyone thought that’s who I was anyway, I guess I just kinda became her. [Drops her hat on the ground.] Aang So you’ve been sneaking out at night? Wait, is Appa even sick?Katara He might be sick of the purple berries I’ve been feeding him, but other than that he’s fine! Aang I can’t believe you lied to everyone, so you could help these people. Katara I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have … Aang [Happily.] No, I think it’s great! You’re like a secret hero! Katara Well, if you wanna help, there’s one more thing I have to do. Aang gives her a curious look. Cut to the Fire Nation factory. Aang and Katara run along the river’s edge toward it. Aang looks at the polluted water. Aang You wanna destroy this factory? Katara Yes. Sokka was just kidding, but he was right. Getting rid of this factory is the only way to help these people permanently. He helps her blow up the Fire Nation smelting plant! Yes, he does call her pretty, but more importantly, this is one of the few times he acknowledges her faults (lying, deception, putting the mission at risk to help the enemy nation etc.) and still thinks she’s so fucking cool. He calls her a secret hero! There’s a lot of admiration and support here from Aang. He’s raising up Katara (instead of putting her down as in EIP) not because he sees her as a potential love interest but because he admires her and her compassion! This is great. Solid wholesome Kataang interaction. 10/10. But all good things must come to an end…

The Southern Raiders. I’m not going to spend too much time on this because there’s a million pieces of meta on this episode. He’s completely out of line asking Katara to be forgive her mother’s killer, the source of her greatest trauma as a victim of targeted ethnic cleansing. Given that he’s a victim of ethnic genocide himself, although he personally wasn’t there for it/didn’t actually witness it unlike Katara, he should have understood. He does say “You need to face this man,” which is good and supportive and he should have stopped there, because he continues on to say, “But when you do, please don’t choose revenge. Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.” Stop. Stop stop stop. No one should tell a traumatized victim of ethnic cleansing how to deal with their trauma. By the end of the episode, Katara doesn’t kill him–but she crafts a third path as the conclusion to her hero’s journey and it is not the path of forgiveness that Aang preaches. Ironically, it is Zuko, who also confronts Ozai, the source of his greatest trauma, who never tells Katara what to do but follows her lead instead: even though he redirects lightning at Ozai and could have killed him, he doesn’t go through with it. He understands Katara and he understands that she needs to this. Kataang interaction rating: 0/10.

So that’s where we are with Aang and Katara in Ember Island Players. Some positive interactions that are appropriately romantically framed and some that are just wholesome and good… but all ruined by forced kissing and moralizing about Katara’s trauma instead of offering understanding. So that still doesn’t answer when Aang would have learned all of the toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors he displayed in The Ember Islands Players.

The only answer, I’m forced to conclude, is bad fucking writing, where the creators were not only tone-deaf in portraying Katara in a racist/misogynistic way or, you know, in writing solely for the male gaze because fuck half the audience, I guess, but they just wanted to create drama for drama’s sake. They completely disrespected their female lead and I would argue they disrespected Aang’s character too in making him a stereotypical self-insert Gary Stu who displays toxic masculine behavior without consequences because that’s what’s expected of a toxic heternormative romantic plot device.

And worse yet, they never follow up on this, just like with the kiss at the Invasion. In the last five minutes of the finale, Katara looks up at him with admiration for saving the world and then kisses him. This is not only a missed opportunity for character development for Aang, but also a big fuck you to the female audience because the message is clear: the guy gets the girl as a trophy for saving the world, and fuck input from the female half of the partnership because that’s just not important and is not worthy of screentime. But I guess screentime dedicated to displaying toxic masculine/heternormative behaviors without ever condemning such behavior as a follow-up is just fine! :)))

If the EIP was supposed to make an argument for Kataang, then it failed. but more important:

By the show’s own high standards, The Ember Island Players is a failed episode, full of bad writing and worse characterization. For a show that was so ahead of its time, this episode is a narrative black mark, a failure of progressive representation and a disservice to its main characters.

There’s some wholesome Sukka and Zuko/Toph interaction, but even that doesn’t manage to save this episode, especially given there’s no resolution to the central conflict: the relationship between Aang and Katara. The entire unnecessarily OOC and forced Kataang drama drags it down.

We know Aang is capable of lifting up Katara and being supportive of her, as he was in episodes prior. We could have had honest, supportive, and open dialogue between Aang and Katara that actually followed up on the Invasion kiss, with Aang clearly expressing what he wants, Katara expressing that maybe she didn’t want that right now, and Aang completely respecting that and them hugging at the end because their friendship/connection is much more profound than pre-teen romance. This is an instance where Aang could have chosen to center Katara’s feelings, for once, instead of his own out of selfless love. If this happened, I would have been okay with a Kataang ending. But that isn’t what we got, obviously.

Part of what appealed to me about Aang as a male protagonist in media aimed at young audiences is that he–at least initially–did not start out as a toxic self-insert Gary Stu lifted from every problematic heternormative romance film ever. In fact, given his playful trickster archetype, general kindness/gentleness, and his stance against violence (a typically masculine trait), he both subverted expectations of and expanded the boundaries of what a male protagonist in children’s media can look like. Unfortunately, the creators don’t go all the way with Aang. In fact, they took a step back with his portrayal in The Ember Island Players, where the creators not only rely on misogynistic tropes to create drama but also make him complicit in propagating said misogyny. And that’s just a damn shame because we could have had a wholesome Kataang storyline and a sensitive male protagonist who cares not about your outdated gender roles and respects his partner’s autonomy!