#like if it was someone else i could assume they know nothing
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Could you maybe do a reversal or Arevik's request? As someone who struggles with their body image the other way around.
A/n: I was actually planning on this. Now I write this for you :) I hope you like it!
You struggle with your body image
Vi, Jinx, Caitlyn, Ekko, Jayce, Viktor, Mel
Masterlist
Vi
Vi notices your discomfort with your reflection long before you voice it. She’s observant, her sharp eyes catching how you pull at your clothes or avoid mirrors.
"Hey, you don’t have to look like anyone else to kick butt, alright? Trust me—I’ve seen you in action." She’ll say it with conviction, her tone brooking no argument.
When she realizes how deep your struggles run, she doesn’t push, but she’s always there. She’ll drag you to a boxing gym one day, not to force you to fight but to show you how strong you are.
"You’ve got nothing to prove to anyone," she tells you after watching you land a perfect punch.
Jinx
Jinx is chaotic but fiercely protective. She notices your hesitation to eat or how you tug at your sleeves and immediately declares, "Whoever made you feel like this? I’m blowing ‘em up."
She tries to cheer you up in her own unpredictable ways—drawing exaggerated portraits of you that make you laugh and reminding you she doesn’t care about appearances.
"You’re my favorite person, you know that? And I’m the smartest person in Zaun, so... my opinion’s the only one that matters."
On bad days, she’ll cuddle up next to you, her arms tight around your waist, mumbling, "I’ve got you. You don’t need to change a thing."
Caitlyn
Caitlyn notices the subtle changes in your mood when the topic of appearances comes up. She approaches it delicately, waiting for you to feel safe enough to open up.
When you finally do, she listens carefully, her eyes soft with understanding. "You’re beautiful as you are, but I understand how hard it is to feel that way sometimes."
She makes small changes to help you feel more comfortable—like buying clothes in cuts and fabrics you’d like or planning outings to places where you won’t feel judged.
Caitlyn constantly reinforces how much she values you, not just with words but through her actions. "It’s okay to struggle. Just don’t forget that you’re never alone in this."
Ekko
Ekko’s no stranger to insecurity, so he picks up on your struggle almost immediately. He doesn’t push you to talk about it but offers little reassurances whenever he can.
"You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. And no one else gets to define what’s worth loving about you. That’s all you, alright?"
On hard days, he’ll distract you with his projects or take you for a ride through the Lanes, showing you the world through his eyes. "This city doesn’t define us—neither do the things we don’t like about ourselves."
He’s endlessly patient, always reminding you of your worth without overwhelming you.
Jayce
Jayce struggles to grasp the depth of your feelings at first. He’s used to being confident and assumes a pep talk will fix it. "You’re amazing, okay? Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise."
When he realizes it’s more complicated than that, he shifts his approach, becoming more attentive. He starts noticing when you’re withdrawn and subtly adjusts his behavior to meet you where you’re at.
He’ll pull you into a tight hug, his voice warm as he says, "Whatever you see when you look in the mirror... I wish you could see what I see."
Jayce is big on small gestures, like leaving notes or little gifts to remind you of how much he cares.
Viktor
Viktor is deeply empathetic and picks up on your struggles quickly, though he doesn’t address it outright at first. Instead, he starts spending more time with you, letting his quiet presence offer comfort.
One day, as you stare at yourself in the mirror with a defeated look, he speaks softly but firmly. "I’ve spent my life defying limitations—don’t let your mind be one of them."
Viktor gently encourages you to focus on what your body allows you to do rather than how it looks. He’ll share stories of his own insecurities, hoping it helps you feel less alone.
On particularly bad days, he simply takes your hand and reminds you, "You are enough. You always have been."
Mel
Mel’s approach is thoughtful and calculated, but her warmth shines through in every interaction. She notices your discomfort almost immediately but gives you the space to come to her.
When you do, she listens without judgment, her hand resting gently on yours. "There’s nothing wrong with you," she says, her tone firm yet kind. "But I’ll help you see that when you’re ready."
She introduces you to self-care routines that help her feel confident, but she’s careful never to make you feel pressured. "You don’t have to change a thing to deserve love—not from me, not from anyone."
Mel is fiercely protective, shutting down anyone who dares make you feel lesser. Her love is constant, unwavering, and she ensures you feel it in every word and touch.
Requests may be sent through the ask box. Only SFW.
#arcane#arcane x reader#jinx x reader#jinx arcane#vi x reader#vi arcane#vi x you#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn x reader#caitlyn arcane#ekko x reader#ekko arcane#ekko x you#jayce x reader#jayce arcane#jayce league of legends#league of legends#viktor x reader#viktor x you#viktor arcane#mel medarda#mel x reader#mel x you#mel arcane
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live on tour (interlinked) | h.s | 1
pt 1, pt 2 (complete)
summary: we don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do—cause once you go without it, nothing else will do.
cw: smut18+ in pt 2, weed, alcohol, angst, sort of a slowburn idk, fem!reader, hs1rry
word count: approx 21.5k gulp
| idk how to feel ab this!!! stay with me now. + tumblr forced me to put this into two parts. [wink, nudge: the lyrics always mean something] i'm posting pt 2 right after this. smut is in 2nd part if that's only ur cup of tea
masterlist
June, 2017
It was Mitch who vouched for her.
Harry had trusted him implicitly since the first meeting. His effortless cool, his way of speaking only when necessary, and the way his guitar sounded like it could split the sky—all of it made him essential to Harry’s debut. If Mitch said someone was good, Harry would believe it.
But good wasn’t the issue.
“S’not about talent,” Harry had said one night in rehearsals, after the original second guitarist dropped out. “I just need t’feel like we fit, you know?”
Mitch had nodded, taking that as permission to make the call.
Her name was YN.
He’d heard the name before. Her reputation in the industry wasn’t loud but sharp—a razor’s edge that hinted at precision and professionalism. A prodigy of sorts, she’d landed her big break with Pink Floyd’s operatic revival of The Wall, the youngest lead guitarist in the show’s history. Since then, she’d moved from project to project, touring, sitting in on sessions, lending her guitar to artists who wanted her distinct, cutting sound.
Harry had always assumed she was someone you called when you needed the best, but not someone you kept around.
He wasn’t sure why that thought stuck in his head when Mitch mentioned her name.
He fumbled with the hem of his white t-shirt and stood at the back of the dim rehearsal space, watching Mitch set up. The low hum of amps warming up filled the room. Mitch’s quiet focus steadied Harry’s nerves—until the door opened.
She walked in with her guitar strapped across her back. She wasn’t early, but she wasn’t late either. The kind of timing that said she knew she was good but wasn’t going to make a show of it.
“Hey.” Mitch greeted her with a slight nod. He’d already taken his place behind the mixing board, leaving Harry to do the introductions.
YN turned her head toward Harry. Her eyes flickered over him briefly, as if appraising him, and then landed back on Mitch. “This the audition?”
Harry frowned. “Not an audition. A rehearsal.”
She raised an eyebrow, but her expression didn’t waver. “Right. Rehearsal.”
There was no handshake, no nervousness, no wide-eyed awe that he was used to when people first met him. She treated him like someone she was there to work with, not someone she wanted to impress.
Mitch gestured to a stand near the tall brunette. “You can set up there.”
She walked past them both without another word, unzipping her guitar case and pulling out a battered Stratocaster, crème and pine green. Harry noticed her hands immediately—nimble fingers with calluses thick enough to catch the light.
“Let’s get on with it then,” she grinned, plugging in.
He leaned toward Mitch, speaking low enough that she couldn’t hear. “Bit cocky, isn’t she?”
Mitch smirked but didn’t reply.
The first run-through was solid. She played with precision, hitting every note cleanly, and her technical skills were undeniable. But something about it felt cold, distant. Harry tried to catch her eye while they were playing, but she was hyper-focused on her guitar, her face blank.
When they finished the first song, he put his hands on his hips. “Alright,” he paused, louder than necessary. “That’s…fine. Let’s take it from the top.”
YN looked at Mitch. “Fine?”
Harry cut in before he could respond. “Yeah, fine. It’s technically good, but there’s no feeling in it. This isn’t session work. We’re putting on a live show. People need t’feel something when you play.”
She stared at him for a moment, then set her guitar down on its stand. “And what exactly do you want me to feel? We’re playing your songs.”
The tension in the room spiked. Mitch glanced between the two of them, looking ready to intervene.
He crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” she started, brushing her hair back from her face, “that if you want something specific, maybe tell me what you’re looking for instead of just saying it’s not good enough.”
Her words hung in the air.
Mitch cleared his throat. “Why don’t we try the next track?”
She picked up her guitar without waiting for Harry’s input. Her fingers brushed the strings in a quick, angry strum as she tested the tuning. Harry stared at her, his jaw tight.
She didn’t flinch under his gaze.
It went on like that for the next hour.
Every time YN played, he found something to critique. Her tone, her phrasing, her timing—it didn’t matter that Mitch disagreed and kept insisting she was perfect for the role. Harry refused to back down, nitpicking every detail.
By the time they reached the final song, the air in the room was thick with unspoken animosity. YN played the opening riff of kiwi with more aggression than necessary, her fingers sliding over the frets like she wanted to punish the guitar.
When they finished, she shifted her weight and unplugged her amp. “Are we done?” she asked, slinging her guitar back over her shoulder.
Harry opened his mouth, ready with another critique, but Mitch cut him off. “Yeah. We’re done f'today.”
She nodded, her expression unreadable. She didn’t look at Harry again as she walked toward the door.
When it closed behind her, Harry let out a frustrated sigh. “She’s not right for this.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”
“I’m positive,” He snapped. “She’s not a team player. She doesn’t fit.”
He leaned back against the mixing board, crossing his arms, hair falling behind his shoulders. “You ever think that maybe you’re the one who doesn’t fit?”
Harry glared at him. “What’s that supposed t’mean?”
“It means,” he said slowly, “that she’s a better guitarist than you’re giving her credit for. And maybe you don’t like her because she’s not trying to kiss your ass.”
He scoffed. “That’s ridiculous.”
Mitch shrugged. “If you want to replace her, go ahead. But good luck finding someone else who can keep up with me…or you.”
Outside the rehearsal space, YN stood by her car, lighting a cigarette. She didn’t smoke often, only with a drink or if she was tense.
She exhaled a plume of smoke into the warm evening air, her jaw clenched. She wasn’t angry exactly, but there was something about Harry Styles that got under her skin.
It wasn’t his fame or his music—that was fine. She’d worked with big names before. It was the way he carried himself, like he expected the world to bend around him.
He wasn’t used to people pushing back, and YN had no intention of making it easy for him.
If he wanted her to feel something when she played, she’d give him exactly that.
Even if it meant setting the whole stage on fire.
The rehearsal space smelled faintly of stale coffee and amps that had been running too long. The walls were lined with soundproofing panels, their faded gray color doing little to brighten the room. YN arrived early this time—not out of eagerness, but because she didn’t want to give Harry anything else to criticize.
Her guitar case thumped onto the ground before she adjusted the ring on her pinky—not dainty, but not loud. Her mother’s birth flower ingrained along the gold surface, a piece of her she could carry since her death in 2014. She could hear Mitch in the back, tuning his Gibson, and the faint shuffle of Harry’s sneakers as he moved across the space, adjusting mic stands and scribbling notes.
She was effortlessly pretty, the kind of beauty that crept up on you when you weren’t paying attention. Her lips held a natural pout, and her hair framed her face in a way that looked casual but impossibly deliberate, like it had conspired with the universe to fall just right. Her outfit was understated, perfect for rehearsal—straight-leg blue denim that sat just right on her hips, an off-white baby tee with cherry bomb splashed in bold red across the center, and a pair of scuffed white club c reeboks that had seen more than their fair share of years since 2015.
Around her wrist was a faded friendship bracelet, its once-bright threads dulled by time but no less significant. Jude, her best friend since high school, had tied it there the night they graduated, their laughter mingling with the hum of summer cicadas. She’d never taken it off, not once, even as life swept them into different journeys.
When YN told Jude over vodka cranberries that she’d landed a gig playing guitar for Harry Styles—yes, that Harry Styles—Jude nearly fell off her barstool. She’d been the kind of One Direction fan who made custom shirts for concerts and cried during little things. YN still remembered the way her voice shook with disbelief as she grabbed her by the shoulders and said, “You’re telling me you’re gonna play for Harry fucking Styles?” It had taken two rounds of shots to calm her down, though her enthusiasm had lingered for weeks. It was the kind of reaction that reminded YN how surreal this opportunity really was.
She promised she’d get her a front row ticket the first night in New York.
She took her time setting up, deliberately slow. If Harry wanted to play mind games, she could too.
“Morning,” Mitch greeted, glancing up from his guitar.
“Hey,” she replied, flashing a quick smile. Mitch was the only person in the room she felt remotely comfortable around.
Harry’s voice cut through the room, sharper than it needed to be. “You’re early today.”
YN didn’t bother looking at him. “Thought I’d save you the trouble of complaining.”
The sound of Mitch’s guitar string snapping filled the silence that followed. He muttered something under his breath and bent to grab a spare string from his bag.
He walked over, his footsteps deliberate. “It’s not complaining. It’s feedback.”
“Uh-huh,” YN’s lips twitched, focusing on adjusting her amp. She crouched to test the levels, purposely ignoring him.
Harry crouched too, just enough to catch her eye. He smelt like cedar and pine. “You have something t’say?”
Her hands paused on the dials. “Nope.”
“Good.”
She stood abruptly, the motion forcing Harry to lean back. Her expression didn’t change, but her grip on her guitar tightened.
The rehearsal started the same way the last one ended: tense.
YN matched Harry’s intensity with her playing, her fingers precise but hard, striking each note with the kind of force that could shatter glass. She didn’t look at him once, even when he stopped the song halfway through to give her another round of vague critiques.
“Can you make it less…clinical?” he asked, his hands gesturing vaguely in the air.
“Clinical?” she repeated, her voice flat.
“Yeah, like…put some soul into it. Like it means something to you.”
Her lips twitched into the faintest smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. “I wasn’t aware Sign of the Times was a soul song.”
She didn’t mean that, not really. It was a song of his that she enjoyed, she liked the 70’s elements he took, the way his voice sounded with the instruments in the back—but he was getting under her skin, he deserved the same.
Mitch coughed to hide his laugh.
Harry’s jaw clenched. “You know what I mean.”
“Do I?”
The tension in the room was palpable now, a live wire crackling between them. Mitch stood off to the side, quietly restringing his guitar, pretending not to notice.
Harry took a deep breath, his tone softening. “Look, I just need it t’feel real. Like you’re part of it, not just playing over it.”
She stared at him for a moment, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Alright.”
She picked up her guitar again and launched into the song before anyone could say another word. This time, her playing wasn’t just technically perfect—it was angry. The notes tore through the air, raw and sharp, as if she were trying to prove a point with every riff.
He watched her, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He couldn’t deny it sounded good—better than good—but there was something about her attitude that made him want to push back harder.
By the time they reached the last song of the set, the air in the room was thick with frustration.
Mitch played the opening riff, his fingers gliding effortlessly over the strings, and YN followed with her part. Her playing was looser now, more natural, but the tension in her shoulders hadn’t eased.
When they finished, Harry didn’t say anything right away. He stood there, staring at her, his lips pressed into a thin line.
“Well?” she asked, her voice clipped.
“S’fine,” he said, his tone careful.
“Fine?”
“You’re improving,” he clarified, though the words felt begrudging.
She laughed under her breath, shaking her head. “Good to know I’m living up to your impossible standards.”
Harry bristled. “It’s not impossible to ask for some effort.”
“Effort?” Her voice rose slightly. “I’ve been putting in effort since I walked through that door, but all you’ve done is nitpick every single thing I do.”
“Because I know what this show needs!”
“No, you know what you need,” she shot back. “This isn’t about the music—it’s about your ego.”
The words hit like a slap. Mitch’s guitar strap slipped from his shoulder as he froze, watching the scene unfold.
Harry’s expression darkened. “If my ego were the problem, you wouldn’t be here.”
The room went silent.
YN’s gaze didn’t waver. “Right. Well, maybe you should’ve thought about that before you dragged me into this.”
She slung her guitar over her shoulder and walked toward the door, her sneakers squeaking against the floor.
“Where are you going?” Harry called after her.
She paused, her hand on the doorknob. “Taking a break. Unless you have a problem with that too.”
Before he could respond, the door swung shut behind her.
Mitch set his guitar down and looked at Harry, his expression unreadable. “You’re really bad at this, you know that?” he said finally.
Harry glared at him. “At what?”
“Not making her hate you.”
Harry sighed, running a hand through his hair. “She doesn’t hate me.”
Mitch raised an eyebrow. “And the sky isn’t blue.”
He didn’t reply. He sat down on the edge of the stage, his shoulders slumping slightly. He wasn’t used to being challenged like this, and it was throwing him off balance.
Mitch leaned against the amp, watching him. “You know, you don’t have to like her. You just have to work with her.”
“I know.”
“Then stop pushing her so hard. She’s already good enough for this tour—you’re the one who needs to let go a bit.”
He didn’t say anything, but the knot in his chest tightened. He wasn’t sure if it was frustration or something else entirely.
Outside, YN leaned against the wall, her cigarette glowing faintly in the dim light. She exhaled slowly, her breath visible in the cool evening air.
She wasn’t sure what was worse—working with Harry or wanting to prove him wrong so badly it made her chest ache.
She took another drag and let the thought dissolve in the smoke.
September third
The studio was quiet now, the hum of amps and chatter of the band long gone. The others had left half an hour ago, leaving YN to pack up her gear in peace. She moved deliberately, her hands steady despite the exhaustion settling deep in her bones.
The rehearsal had been grueling. Harry had pushed harder than ever, his sharp critiques grating on her nerves until every strum of her guitar felt like a defiance. She wasn’t sure if he noticed—or cared—but by the end of the session, she’d felt like she was one wrong note away from throwing her guitar through a wall.
Now, alone with the quiet, she could finally breathe.
Until she wasn’t alone.
The sound of footsteps echoed behind her, and YN stiffened, glancing over her shoulder to see Harry stepping back into the room. He had swapped his stage shoes for sneakers, the cuffs of his trousers rolled slightly at the ankles. His sweater was slung over one shoulder, and the faint sheen of sweat on his neck suggested he hadn’t been gone long.
“Forgot m’notebook,” he said, his voice casual as his eyes scanned the room.
“Lucky me,” she muttered, turning back to her guitar.
He didn’t reply, but she could feel his presence as he crossed the space, moving toward the table where his things were scattered.
YN focused on wrapping her cable, each loop tight and precise. She wasn’t in the mood for small talk, not after the day they’d had.
But Harry didn’t leave.
The silence stretched, heavy and charged, as he lingered near the table. YN’s movements slowed, her frustration bubbling to the surface.
“Something you need?” she asked, not bothering to mask the edge in her voice.
When he didn’t answer right away, she turned to face him, her hands still clutching the coiled cable.
Harry was watching her, his notebook forgotten on the table. His eyes were sharp, unreadable, and the weight of his gaze made her stomach twist uncomfortably.
“You were pushing today,” he said finally, his tone measured.
She blinked, caught off guard. “Excuse me?”
“During rehearsal,” he clarified, crossing his arms. “You weren’t playing like y’normally do.”
“Maybe I was just tired.” She countered, though the words felt like a lie even as she said them.
“You weren’t tired,” he said softly.
Her jaw tightened. “What do you want, Harry? If you’re here to critique me again, save it. I’ve heard enough for one day.”
His brow furrowed, but he didn’t rise to the bait. Instead, he stepped closer, his movements deliberate but unthreatening. “I wasn’t trying t’pick on you,” he breathed, his voice quieter now. “If that’s how it felt, I’m sorry.”
YN stared at him, her mind struggling to reconcile the words with the man who’d spent months nitpicking every note she played.
“Why do you care?” she asked, the question slipping out before she could stop it.
He hesitated, his lips pressing into a thin line as he looked at her. “Because I need this to work.”
His words landed heavily between them, and for a moment, the room felt too small.
“You act like it’s just me,” she said finally, her voice quieter but still tinged with frustration. “Like I’m the only thing keeping it from working.”
“I don’t think that,” he said quickly, his eyes locking onto hers. “You’re good—better than good. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?”
He exhaled slowly, dragging a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s me.”
YN froze, her breath catching at the raw honesty in his voice. She hadn’t expected that—not from him.
The silence between them grew heavier, the tension coiling tighter with every passing second.
Harry’s gaze dropped briefly, like he was searching for the right words. When he looked back up, there was something different in his expression, something softer but no less intense.
“You frustrate me,” he said finally, the words low but certain.
YN’s throat went dry. “Right back at you.”
He took another step closer, and this time, she didn’t move away. Her heart pounded as she looked up at him, her chest tightening under the weight of his stare.
Neither of them spoke, the silence crackling with unspoken words.
She didn’t know who leaned in first—maybe it was him, or maybe it was her—but suddenly the space between them was almost nonexistent. She could feel the warmth of his breath, see the faint flicker of hesitation in his eyes as he lingered just close enough to touch.
Her pulse thundered in her ears, and her fingers curled into the coiled cable in her hand, desperate for something to hold onto.
“Harry,” she whispered, though she wasn’t sure if it was a warning or an invitation.
The sound of his name seemed to pull him back, his eyes searching hers for a fleeting moment before he stepped away.
“I should go.”
He grabbed his notebook and left without another word, the door clicking shut behind him.
YN stood there, her heart still racing, the ghost of his presence lingering in the air.
Whatever had just happened—whatever had almost happened—she wasn’t sure what to do with it.
September nineteenth
San Francisco was humming.
The Masonic sat perched atop Nob Hill like a jewel overlooking the city, its art deco façade catching the early morning light. By dawn, the line of fans already snaked around the block, blankets and camp chairs scattered across the sidewalk. A faint fog clung to the streets, giving the historic building an ethereal quality as the first rays of sunlight broke through.
It was opening night of Harry’s solo tour, and the air outside the venue was electric.
Groups of fans huddled close, wrapped in scarves and oversized sweatshirts, their conversations a steady hum of anticipation. Some clutched homemade signs or albums, while others leaned against the building, scrolling through their phones to pass the hours.
Inside the venue, it was chaos.
The crew had been there since 6 am, unloading crates of equipment, running cables like veins along the stage. Monitors were stacked, adjusted, then adjusted again. Lights were tested until they bathed the empty floor in saturated pinks and golds. A countdown clock blinked red backstage, a digital reminder that time was slipping through the cracks, too fast and too slow all at once.
By 10 am, the band was in full rehearsal mode, locked in a cycle of repetition and frustration. YN perched on a stool near the edge of the stage, her guitar resting against her thighs, the strap digging into her shoulder. Mitch was on her left, his head bent over his guitar, fingers moving like smoke over the frets. The two of them had been working together for months now, tight and efficient, a partnership forged in long hours and shared cigarettes.
Harry stood center stage, mic in hand, dressed like he hadn’t quite decided if he wanted to be a rock star or a poet today. He wore a loose black blouse unbuttoned to his sternum, tucked into tailored trousers that hung just right. His boots clacked against the floor as he paced, his movements restless, his voice sharp as glass when he spoke.
“Stop, stop,” he sighed, waving his free hand. “It’s off. That transition’s not right.”
She bit down on her tongue. It wasn’t off. She knew it wasn’t off. But Harry had a way of finding faults where there weren’t any, like he needed to pick at something just to prove he could.
Mitch glanced at her, a subtle flick of his eyes that said, Don’t.
She ignored him.
“It’s not the transition,” she jutted her chin, her voice cutting through the murmur of techs and assistants scurrying around the stage. “The timing’s fine. It’s your entrance that’s late.”
He turned to her slowly, the mic dangling from his fingers like a threat. “Oh, is it?” he asked, his tone light, almost amused, but his jaw was tight. “You sure about that?”
YN met his gaze, unflinching. “Positive.”
For a moment, the only sound was the faint hum of an amp in the background. Harry didn’t say anything, just tipped his head slightly, his lips curving into something that wasn’t quite a smile. Then he turned back to the band. “Alright,” he paused, his voice smooth again, commanding. “Run it from the top.”
Mitch exhaled, a quiet sound that YN barely caught. She didn’t look at him. Instead, she adjusted the strap on her guitar and settled her fingers on the fretboard, ready for another round of the same song they’d played fifteen times already.
By noon, the tension was palpable.
Lunch was a quick affair, eaten standing in the dim backstage area while techs rushed past with tangled cords and boxes of equipment. She leaned against a speaker case, picking at a dry sandwich, her guitar propped up against her leg. Across the room, Harry was surrounded by his usual orbit of stylists and assistants, his laugh ringing out every now and then, low and easy. He looked completely unbothered, like he wasn’t the reason half the band was on edge.
Mitch sat down next to her, his plate balanced precariously on his knee.
“You’ve got to let it go,” he said quietly, not looking up from his food.
“Let what go?” She asked, feigning innocence.
He gave her a flat look. “You and Harry. The little pissing contest you’ve got going on.”
“There’s no contest,” she shrugged, taking a bite of her sandwich. “I already won.”
Mitch snorted, but he didn’t argue.
By 5 pm, the soundcheck was over, and the venue was nearly ready. The stage lights cast long, dramatic shadows across the room, making everything feel larger than life. Outside, the crowd had grown to hundreds, their voices rising in bursts of cheers every time someone peeked out from behind the curtains.
Backstage, the dressing rooms were a flurry of last-minute preparations. Harry was in his dressing room, a blur of motion as his stylist fussed over his outfit. A floral suit hung on a rack nearby, catching the light like a disco ball.
In her own space, YN was tightening a loose screw on her guitar, her fingers moving with practiced ease. Her nerves were starting to hum, a low undercurrent she couldn’t quite shake. This was her first tour—her first real tour in a set band, a member, belonging—and it felt like walking a tightrope with no safety net.
A knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts.
“Come in,” she called, not looking up.
The door creaked open, and Harry stepped inside, his presence filling the small room like a gust of wind.
YN froze for half a second before returning to her task.“What do you want?” she asked, not bothering to hide the edge in her voice.
Harry leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms. “Just checking in,” he said, his tone deceptively casual. “You ready for tonight?”
She glanced at him, her expression unreadable. “Are you?”
His lips twitched, like he was fighting a smile. “Always.”
For a moment, they just stared at each other, the air between them crackling with unspoken tension. Then Harry pushed off the doorframe and straightened, his eyes lingering on her for a beat longer than necessary.
“See you out there,” he mumbled, and then he was gone, leaving the room feeling smaller and heavier than before.
By eight, the doors had opened, and the crowd was pouring in, filling the venue with a rush of energy that seemed to seep into the walls. Backstage, the band was gathered in a tight circle, their instruments tuned, their game faces on.
Harry stood at the center, his suit catching the light, his presence commanding as he gave a short pep talk. YN stood slightly to the side, her fingers tapping an uneven rhythm against her thigh. She barely listened to his words, too focused on the sound of the crowd beyond the curtains, their cheers swelling like a tidal wave.
When the house lights dimmed, the noise was deafening.
As the band took their places on stage, the roar of the audience hit her like a physical force. The spotlight burned bright, blinding her for a moment as she adjusted to the sheer magnitude of it all.
Harry stepped forward, his silhouette outlined in pinks and gold as he grabbed the mic stand. The crowd went feral, their screams rising to a fever pitch as he flashed that grin, the one that could disarm even the sharpest tongue.
He didn’t speak, he didn’t need to—the crowd did that for him.
YN’s fingers hovered over the strings of her guitar, her pulse thrumming in time with the cheers.
And then the music began.
It was loud and raw and electric, the kind of sound that sank its teeth into you and didn’t let go. The stage pulsed with life, the crowd moving like a single, writhing entity, their hands reaching for something intangible.
Harry owned the stage, his presence magnetic, his voice weaving through the room like a spell. YN played like she had something to prove, her fingers dancing over the strings with precision and fire. For all their clashes, for all the sharp words and narrowed eyes, when they played together, it was seamless.
Perfect, even.
And maybe that was the problem.
The stage felt alive. No, not alive. Hungry. Like it had been waiting for this moment, this crowd, and it wouldn’t be satisfied until every single body in the Masonic was consumed by the music.
YN’s sneakers scuffed against the stage floor as she adjusted her stance, fingers flying over the strings of her guitar. The heat of the lights was a constant pressure on her skin, beads of sweat forming at her temples and sliding down the back of her neck. But she didn’t care. Not about the lights, or the heat, or the way her thighs ached from standing so long.
She was falling in love—with the music, with the electricity in the air, with the way the crowd moved like a living organism, surging and crashing like waves in sync with every beat of the drums.
The screams had been deafening from the start, a tsunami of sound that swelled every time Harry leaned into the mic, his voice wrapping around the room and pulling it taut. He worked the crowd like a master, every glance, every laugh, every sway of his hips sending the audience into hysterics.
She wasn’t immune.
She hated to admit it, but she felt it too—that gravitational pull, that magnetic charisma that seemed to pour out of him effortlessly. She caught herself watching him when she shouldn’t, her eyes flicking to the way his shoulders moved under the sharp lines of his pretty suit, the easy way he gripped the mic stand like it was an extension of his body.
And every so often, he’d glance at her.
Not a passing look. A moment.
It would last half a beat longer than it should, his eyes catching hers under the wash of the stage lights. She couldn’t tell if he was teasing her, challenging her, or something else entirely. But it was enough to make her fingers stumble once, the wrong note ringing out for a split second before she recovered.
If Harry noticed, he didn’t show it.
The setlist was relentless. The kind of music that made you feel like your heart was going to explode, like you couldn’t keep up and didn’t want to. The kind of music that made YN forget she was supposed to hate the guy running the show.
“Alright,” Harry said into the mic, his voice lower now, intimate, like he was sharing a secret with each and every person in the crowd. “I want to slow it down for a bit. Let’s make this next one special, yeah?”
The audience erupted, their cheers shaking the walls.
She let herself glance up, just once, and there he was.
Harry stood center stage, his eyes sweeping over the crowd like he could memorize every face. And then his gaze found hers. It pinned her, held her still even as her hands moved over the strings with practiced ease. He didn’t smile this time, didn’t smirk or tease. His expression was soft, unreadable, like he was trying to figure her out and didn’t quite know how.
YN looked away first, focusing on her guitar, on the warmth of the strings under her fingers. But she felt his eyes linger, even as he turned back to the crowd, his voice slipping into the melody.
The audience swayed, their voices blending with his, turning the room into one collective heartbeat. She could feel it under her skin, in her chest, this pulsing connection between the stage and the people who filled the seats. She couldn’t explain it, but it made her chest ache, a hollow kind of ache that was somehow beautiful.
She wasn’t just falling in love with the crowd—she was falling in love with the way they loved him. The way their energy fed into his, creating this endless loop of give and take. It was magnetic, intoxicating, and she hated how much she wanted to be part of it.
As the show reached its climax, the band hit the frenetic rhythm of kiwi. The crowd lost their minds, screaming and jumping in unison as the pounding bassline and frantic guitars drove the song forward like a freight train.
Harry was in his element now, prowling the stage like a lion in a cage, his energy sharp and electric. He threw himself into the song with reckless abandon, his voice raw, his body moving like it was possessed by the music.
She felt it too, her fingers sliding over the strings with an intensity she didn’t know she was capable of. She played like she wanted to leave a mark, like she wanted the crowd to feel every note down to their bones.
Harry spun toward her at one point, his eyes catching hers as he sang.
All over me it’s like I paid for it, like I paid for it—I’m gonna pay for this
The line wasn’t even hers, maybe thrown toward her, sure, but the way he locked eyes with her as he belted it made her throat tighten. There was something feral about the way he looked at her, something that sent a jolt of adrenaline straight to her chest.
She didn’t look away this time.
By the time the last note of the encore faded into the ether, the crowd was still screaming, still begging for more. Harry stood at the edge of the stage, his hands pressed together in a gesture of thanks, his smile wide and genuine.
YN hung back, her guitar still slung over her shoulder, her chest heaving from the exertion of the last few songs. She watched him bask in the adoration of the crowd, the way they screamed his name like a prayer.
And for the first time, she felt it too.
That pull. That strange, inexplicable magnetism that made it impossible to look away.
The final notes of the encore still buzzed in her ears as she followed the band offstage, the roar of the crowd trailing behind them like an echo that refused to fade. Her body ached in places she didn’t know could ache—her fingers stiff from hours of playing, her calves burning from the constant movement—but the adrenaline still surged, making her feel weightless and untouchable.
She had done it. They had done it.
The opening night had gone off like a firework, every moment exploding brighter and louder than the last. From the first chord to the final bow, it had been electric. And for once, she didn’t feel like just another cog in the machine. On that stage, with the lights scorching her skin and the crowd’s energy feeding her soul, she felt like a part of something massive. Something alive.
And Harry—despite everything—had been a part of that.
They’d had moments up there, brief but undeniable, where their music seemed to sync in ways their personalities couldn’t. He’d looked at her like she was the only other person in the room, and she’d felt it, that spark. That rare kind of connection that made everything else fade into static.
She thought maybe he’d felt it too.
Backstage was a flurry of chaos, but it was the kind of chaos that came with relief. Crew members slapped high-fives, a few whooped into the cavernous space, and Mitch grinned at her as they stowed their gear.
“That was something, huh?” he said, leaning back against the wall, his guitar case resting at his feet.
“Yeah,” she said, breathless. “It really was.”
Her eyes darted toward Harry, who was standing in the middle of it all, his floral suit catching the dim light of the hallway. He was talking to a few crew members, his laugh echoing down the corridor, easy and loud.
YN lingered on the edge of the group, still cradling her guitar, waiting for him to glance her way. Say something. Anything.
But he didn’t.
Instead, he clapped Mitch on the shoulder as he passed by, murmured something low and warm to the bassist, then disappeared down the hallway, flanked by his manager and stylist.
Her stomach sank.
Seriously?
The after-party was just as loud as the show, a whirlwind of congratulatory cheers and glasses clinking in a private room at some sleek hotel downtown. The crew was there, the band, a few industry types YN didn’t recognize but figured she should. She was used to this kind of thing—small, exclusive, the kind of celebration that was more about appearances than fun—but tonight it felt different.
She stuck close to Mitch for most of it, nursing a vodka sour and letting the buzz of conversation wash over her.
“Relax,” Mitch said at one point, leaning against the bar beside her. “You look like you’re still waiting for the second set to start.”
“I’m good.” She mumbled a little too quickly.
His brow arched, but he didn’t press.
Across the room, Harry was the center of attention, as always. He moved through the crowd like he belonged there, laughing and chatting like he hadn’t just poured himself out on stage for hours. She couldn’t help but watch him, the way people gravitated toward him, how he seemed to light up every corner of the room he stepped into.
But he didn’t look at her. Not once.
She tried not to let it bother her, but it did.
After everything on stage, after every glance, every unspoken connection, it felt like he was intentionally keeping his distance. Like he’d flipped some invisible switch, cutting her off before she could even figure out what had changed.
By the time the party wound down, YN had had enough. She slipped out quietly, her guitar case slung over her shoulder, and headed for the lobby. The cool night air hit her like a slap when she stepped outside, the noise of the party muffled behind the heavy glass doors.
She stood there for a moment, letting the city’s chaos replace the strange hollowness that had settled in her chest.
She didn’t know why she’d expected something different from him. He was Harry Styles, after all—the man who could command a room with a smirk, who probably had a million other things on his mind besides her.
But still, she couldn’t shake the feeling that something had shifted tonight.
Maybe it was the crowd, or the way the music had felt like it was tying them together in ways they didn’t quite understand. Maybe it was the way he’d looked at her, like she was part of it, part of him.
Or maybe she was imagining it all.
She sighed, adjusting her grip on the guitar case as she started down the empty street toward her hotel.
Behind her, the sound of the door opening and closing made her stop.
But when she turned, it wasn’t him.
It was just some random guest stepping out for a smoke, their lighter flaring briefly in the dark.
She shook her head and kept walking.
The morning after opening night started with a headache.
The alarm went off at five, its shrill tone slicing through the still-dark San Francisco hotel room. YN groaned as she rolled over and slapped it off, her limbs heavy with the weight of too little sleep and too much tension. Her body ached from the show—her fingers stiff, her shoulders sore—but the adrenaline still hadn’t completely worn off.
She dressed in silence, pulling on denim shorts and an oversized hoodie, her hair shoved under a worn baseball cap. By the time she dragged her case and bookbag downstairs, the lobby was already filled with half-awake crew members milling around with to-go coffees and luggage carts. The band gathered near the hotel entrance, everyone moving slow, bleary-eyed.
Everyone but Harry.
He stood near the glass doors, sunglasses perched on his nose even though it was still too early for sunlight. His outfit—effortlessly tailored black slacks and black tee, paired with boots that clacked against the marble floor—looked like it belonged in a photoshoot, not a cramped tour bus ride down the coast. His hair was artfully disheveled, like it had been tousled by the same wind that carried his confidence.
YN hated that he didn’t look tired. He looked perfect, unbothered, untouchable.
And, true to form, he didn’t acknowledge her.
Not directly, anyway.
“Morning, Mitch,” Harry nodded, his voice smooth and low as he greeted the guitarist with a clap on the shoulder. He grinned at Sarah and made some easy joke that had her laughing quietly, her coffee held close to her chest.
She stood off to the side, shifting her weight between her feet, watching the scene unfold like an outsider looking through a frosted window.
She thought about last night. About how he’d looked at her on stage like the world had narrowed to just the two of them. About how he hadn’t spoken a single word to her after.
She didn’t understand it. She didn’t understand him.
“Let’s get moving,” their tour manager barked, clapping his hands. “Bus leaves in five.”
YN grabbed her things and followed the group outside, the cool morning air biting at her cheeks as they made their way toward the waiting bus.
The ride to Los Angeles was tense in the worst kind of way.
She had claimed a window seat near the middle of the bus, her headphones cranked up to drown out the low hum of conversation around her. She stared out at the Pacific Coast Highway, the ocean stretching endlessly to the right, the cliffs jagged and wild to the left. It should’ve been peaceful, beautiful even, but she couldn’t focus on anything but the gnawing irritation in her chest.
Harry was sitting three rows ahead, leaned back in his seat with one arm slung lazily over the headrest. He was talking to Sarah again, his voice low enough that YN couldn’t hear the words, but the sound of it still grated on her nerves.
She wasn’t sure why she cared so much. She didn’t want to care.
If he wanted to ignore her, fine. She could ignore him right back.
By the time they reached LA, the tension had evolved into a quiet kind of war.
At the Greek Theater, the crew unloaded equipment, their movements brisk and practiced as they prepared for soundcheck. The sun blazed down on the open-air amphitheater, turning the white seats into a blinding sea of light.
YN was on edge, her patience wearing thinner with every passing hour. He still hadn’t spoken to her, not even in passing. He was polite, distant, the way he’d been before opening night. Like nothing had changed. Like he hadn’t spent the night before throwing glances her way that felt like they could peel her apart.
When he handed out notes during rehearsal, she barely looked at him, keeping her responses clipped and indifferent.
“Got it,” she muttered after one of his suggestions, her tone flat as she adjusted her guitar strap.
Harry blinked at her, his lips twitching into something that might have been surprise. “Good,” he said after a beat, turning his attention to Mitch without another word.
By the time the soundcheck wrapped, She was biting the inside of her cheek so hard it felt raw.
Later, while the rest of the band lingered backstage before the show, YN found herself leaning against the rail of the amphitheater, staring out at the empty seats. The sun had started to dip below the horizon, painting the sky in deep purples and oranges.
She didn’t hear him approach.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
The voice startled her, and she turned to find Harry standing a few feet away, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his trousers.
“Yeah.” She breathed, her voice guarded. She didn’t move closer.
He didn’t say anything else, just stood there, his gaze fixed on the horizon. The silence between them stretched, heavy and awkward.
“Something you need?” she asked finally, her tone sharper than she intended.
Harry’s head tilted slightly, his sunglasses reflecting the fading light.
“Just checking in.”
It felt like a lie.
“I’m good, Harry” She mumbled, turning back toward the stage.
He didn’t respond, and when she glanced over her shoulder a few moments later, he was already walking away.
Her fingers tightened around the rail, her chest heavy with frustration she couldn’t quite name.
She hated this.
Hated the way he could make her feel so small, so seen, then turn around and act like she didn’t exist.
It was like trying to hold onto water. The harder she gripped, the faster it slipped through her fingers.
-
Harry stood at the edge of the stage, soaking it all in. He bowed low, his sequined shirt catching the light, a grin breaking across his face. To the crowd, he was untouchable—a god in Gucci.
She followed Mitch and Sarah offstage, her steps quick and mechanical. She could feel Harry trailing behind them, his presence heavy even when she couldn’t see him.
Backstage was chaos, as it always was after a show, but it didn’t faze YN. She moved through the crowd of crew members and assistants like a ghost, ignoring the chatter, the congratulatory smiles.
Her heart was still racing, the adrenaline from the performance twisting into something darker, something restless.
“You good?”
Mitch’s voice cut through the haze. He was leaning against the wall, his guitar case already packed, his expression calm but curious.
“Yeah.”
Lie.
Harry entered the dressing room a few minutes later, his presence shifting the energy in the space instantly.
He was laughing at something Sarah had said, his voice loud and warm, but the sound grated against YN’s nerves. She kept her back to him, pretending to be busy adjusting a loose string on her guitar.
She felt him glance her way—she could feel it—but she didn’t turn around.
Two could play this game.
And so, the bus ride back to the hotel was unbearable.
YN had claimed a seat near the back, her headphones on, her gaze fixed on the passing city lights outside the window. She could see Harry a few rows ahead, his arm draped casually over the back of his seat as he chatted with the others.
He hadn’t spoken to her all night, and now, sitting there in his own bubble of easy conversation and laughter, it was like she didn’t exist.
Her frustration simmered, bubbling just below the surface.
She replayed the show in her head, each pointed glance, each lyric he’d aimed at her like an arrow. It felt like he was trying to send a message, but she couldn’t decipher it.
Was he angry with her? Was this some kind of punishment? Or was he just playing a game she didn’t know the rules to?
She clenched her jaw and turned up the volume on her music, drowning out the sound of his voice.
By the time they reached the hotel, her nerves were shot.
She practically stormed off the bus, her guitar case banging against her thigh as she made her way to the elevators.
The band and crew trailed behind her, their voices a low hum of exhaustion and contentment. Harry was in the middle of the group, laughing softly at something Mitch had said.
YN pressed the elevator button harder than she needed to, willing it to come faster. She didn’t know if she was more angry or confused. Maybe both.
The elevator doors slid open, and she stepped inside, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes as the others piled in.
She felt him before she saw him.
Harry stepped in last, taking a spot in the corner opposite her. He didn’t look at her, didn’t say a word, but his presence filled the small space like smoke, curling around her, suffocating.
The silence stretched as the elevator ascended, the soft ding of each passing floor the only sound.
When the doors opened on her floor, YN didn’t wait for anyone to move. She pushed past them, her guitar case bumping against Harry’s shin as she stepped out.
“Careful.” He muttered under his breath, the word low but deliberate.
YN froze, her grip tightening on the case. She turned back, her jaw tight, her voice barely above a whisper “You were in the way.”
Harry’s eyes flicked up to meet hers, and for a moment, the tension between them was almost unbearable.
But then he smiled. That infuriating, lopsided grin that always seemed to carry a thousand meanings “Goodnight, YN.” he breathed, his tone maddeningly calm.
And just like that, the elevator doors closed, taking him with it.
She stood there in the empty hallway, her chest heaving, her hands trembling against the strap of her guitar case.
She hated him.
And she hated that she didn’t.
Nashville hit like a fever dream.
The kind of heat that stuck to your skin and turned the air thick, every breath tasting like concrete and sweat. YN stepped off the plane and into the chaos of arrivals, her carry-on slung over one shoulder and her nerves buzzing like a live wire. The overhead announcements droned on, blending with the chatter of passengers and the whir of suitcase wheels.
Behind her, the band followed, each of them bleary-eyed but quiet, the exhaustion of constant travel settling into their bones. They’d left Los Angeles behind with barely enough time to breathe, and now they were here. Another city. Another show.
Harry was in the middle of it all, of course.
He strode through the airport like he owned it, dressed in a casual white t-shirt and plaid trousers, his sunglasses pushed up into his messy hair. His carry-on was slung lazily over his shoulder, the strap resting on a ringed hand, and he moved with the kind of effortless ease that YN had learned to despise.
She hated how calm he looked. How composed. Like he hadn’t spent the last two days pulling the same infuriating routine—ignoring her during rehearsals, barely acknowledging her existence outside of the necessary, and throwing her those strange, pointed glances on stage.
She adjusted the strap of her own bag and turned away from him, focusing on the bustling terminal as they followed the signs toward baggage claim.
By the time they made it outside, the air was heavy with humidity, the sun dipping low on the horizon and casting long shadows across the tarmac. Their bus waited near the curb, sleek and black, the driver already loading their checked equipment and luggage into the belly of the vehicle.
YN stepped aside to let Mitch and Sarah board first, leaning against the side of the bus and tugging her baseball cap lower over her eyes. She was tired. Bone-tired. And the thought of spending another night in close quarters with Harry’s infuriating silence made her chest feel tight.
“YN.”
His voice came from behind her, low and steady, and it made her stomach flip in a way she refused to acknowledge.
She turned to find Harry standing a few feet away, his bag slung carelessly over his shoulder. He wasn’t wearing his sunglasses now, and his green eyes caught the soft light of evening, sharp and clear.
“Yeah?” she sighed, her tone flat.
Harry blinked at her, like he hadn’t expected her to answer. “I, uh…” He hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “You left this.”
He held out a small notebook, the worn leather cover instantly recognizable. YN’s stomach twisted. She didn’t even realize she’d forgotten it.
“Thanks.” She mumbled, reaching for it. Their fingers brushed, and the contact sent a shiver down her spine. She snatched the notebook quickly, shoving it into her bag.
For a moment, neither of them said anything. Harry shifted his weight, his gaze flicking past her to the bus, like he was trying to find an escape route.
“Long flight,” he said finally, the words almost awkward.
She raised an eyebrow. “You’re making small talk now?”
His mouth twitched—something between a smirk and a grimace. “Just trying t’be polite.” His voice was low, almost teasing.
She didn’t know why that annoyed her so much. “Well, don’t strain yourself,” she shot back, her words sharper than she intended.
Harry’s expression shifted, the teasing edge dropping away. For a moment, he looked at her like he wanted to say something, something important, but then he just shook his head.
“Right.” he said softly. “Good t’know where we stand.”
Before she could respond, he turned and climbed onto the bus, leaving her standing there in the heavy Nashville air, her pulse thundering in her ears.
She clenched her jaw, gripping the strap of her bag so tight it hurt.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
With a frustrated sigh, she followed him onto the bus, determined to avoid him for the rest of the night.
The hotel lobby was as tired as YN felt—dimly lit, decorated in muted earth tones that looked like they hadn’t been updated since the 90s. A long line of leather couches stretched across one side, mostly empty now that the band and crew had already checked in and trudged upstairs to collapse into their rooms.
She stood at the reception desk, trying to ignore the looming presence of Harry a few feet behind her as she slid her ID across the polished counter.
She croaked out her first and last name, her voice tight with exhaustion. “Should be a reservation under that.”
The receptionist, a young woman with tired eyes and a forced smile, tapped at her keyboard. For a moment, YN let herself hope this would go smoothly.
“Ah…” the woman began, her smile faltering as she looked up at her apologetically. “It seems there’s been an error in the system.”
Her stomach sank. “What kind of error?”
“It looks like…” The receptionist squinted at her screen, then back at YN. “Your booking and Mr. Styles’ booking were combined. There’s only one room reserved for both of you.”
She blinked, certain she must have misheard. “What?”
“One room,” the woman repeated, her voice overly kind, like she was delivering bad news to a child.
A low sound from behind her drew YN’s attention, and she turned to see Harry standing there, his lips twitching into the faintest hint of a smirk.
“Of course,” he muttered, more to himself than to her.
YN turned back to the receptionist, her pulse spiking with frustration. “Okay, well, can you fix it? Book me another room?”
The woman winced. “I’m so sorry, but we’re completely booked out. Between your show and a large business conference in town, there’s nothing available.”
“Nothing?”
The receptionist shook her head. “Nothing.”
YN stared at her for a long moment, hoping that if she stood there long enough, a solution would magically present itself. When it didn’t, she let out a slow breath, trying to keep her voice calm. “Okay, then I’ll sleep on the tour bus,” she said finally, her tone clipped.
“I wouldn’t recommend that,” the receptionist replied, her voice filled with polite concern. “It’s not very safe overnight, and the temperatures are supposed to drop quite a bit.”
YN’s jaw clenched. She didn’t care about the temperature. She cared about not being stuck in a hotel room with Harry Styles for an entire night.
“You can take the bed,” Harry said suddenly, his voice low and casual.
She whipped around to look at him, her exhaustion briefly replaced by irritation. “Excuse me?”
“You can take the bed,” he repeated, his hands shoved into the pockets of his trousers. He didn’t look tired like she did; if anything, he looked almost amused. “I’ll take the couch. Problem solved.”
His eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t continue the way she half-expected him to. He acknowledged her silence with a shrug. “Suit yourself.”
YN turned back to the receptionist, her last shred of hope dying as the woman gave her a small, helpless smile.
“I really am sorry,” the receptionist said.
“Yeah,” She muttered, grabbing her room key off the counter. “Me too.”
The elevator ride to their shared room was suffocating.
She stood with her arms crossed, leaning against the back wall, her eyes fixed on the digital floor numbers ticking upward. He stood on the opposite side, his hands still in his pockets, his gaze fixed somewhere over her shoulder.
She could feel the tension between them, thick and heavy, like it had been building all day.
When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open, she practically bolted into the hallway, her shoes squeaking slightly against the polished floor as she found their room and slid the keycard into the lock.
The room was small but clean, decorated in the same neutral tones as the lobby. There was one queen-sized bed, a narrow couch by the window, and a small desk tucked into the corner.
YN set her bag down near the door, letting out a long breath. This was going to be a long night.
Harry stepped in behind her, the door clicking shut softly as he took in the room. “Well,” he said after a beat, his voice laced with dry humor. “Cozy.”
YN shot him a glare over her shoulder. “Don’t start.”
“I didn’t do anything,” he replied, raising his hands in mock innocence.
She rolled her eyes, grabbing her carry-on and unzipping it with more force than necessary. She pulled out her pajamas and stalked toward the bathroom, muttering under her breath.
“You’re welcome to take the bed!” Harry called after her.
She didn’t reply, only slamming the bathroom door behind her.
Inside, she leaned against the sink, gripping the edge tightly as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was a mess under her hat, her face flushed with irritation and exhaustion.
This was the last thing she needed.
She splashed cold water on her face, changed into her pajamas, and forced herself to take a deep breath before stepping back out into the room.
Harry was already sprawled out on the couch, his long legs dangling off one end, one arm draped lazily over his eyes. He looked too comfortable, like he wasn’t even remotely fazed by the situation.
“Goodnight, YN.” he smiled, his voice soft and teasing, muffled by his arm.
She didn’t bother replying, instead climbing into the bed and yanked the blanket up to her chin. She rolled onto her side, facing the wall, her back to him.
But even as she lay there in the dark, her body exhausted and her mind racing, she couldn’t ignore the steady sound of his breathing filling the room.
And somehow, that made sleep feel even further away.
The night dragged on like a bad song on repeat.
YN tossed and turned, the sheets tangling around her legs no matter how many times she tried to straighten them. The bed itself wasn’t the problem—it was soft enough, even if the pillows were too firm. The issue was the room. Or rather, the person in the room.
Harry’s breathing was steady and slow, almost annoyingly calm, like he had drifted off with zero trouble. The faint rustle of the blanket he’d pulled off the back of the couch only made it worse. She hated knowing he was just a few feet away, as oblivious and infuriating in sleep as he was awake.
Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel the weight of him in the room, like his presence was something tangible pressing against her skin. She could picture him sprawled out on the narrow couch, too long for it, his hair a wild mess against the pillow. He had to be uncomfortable, but of course, he made even that look effortless.
She clenched her teeth and turned over again, dragging the blanket over her head.
She must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing she knew, pale sunlight was streaming through the thin hotel curtains, casting faint patterns on the wall. The sound of movement drew her attention, and she rolled onto her back, blinking against the light.
Harry was already up.
He stood near the desk, pulling a fresh shirt over his head, the muscles in his back shifting under smooth skin. His hair stuck up in every direction, and there was a faint red line on his cheek, probably from the couch pillow.
YN groaned softly, her voice gravelly from sleep, and sat up.
He turned at the sound, his eyes catching hers for a split second before he gave her a lopsided smile. “Morning,” he rasped, voice low and rough.
She ignored the strange flutter in her chest and instead rubbed at her face, her palms digging into her eyes. “What time is it?”
“Just past seven,” Harry replied, glancing at his watch.
“Why are you up so early?” she asked, her voice still heavy with sleep.
“Couldn’t stay on that couch any longer,” he said with a shrug, running a hand through his hair. “Figured I’d let you sleep.”
She raised an eyebrow, more suspicious than grateful. “How thoughtful of you.”
Harry smirked, leaning against the desk. “I’m full of surprises.”
YN swung her legs over the side of the bed, the cool floor against her bare feet waking her up a little more. She glanced at the couch, the blanket crumpled in a heap at one end, and felt the tiniest pang of guilt. He might be irritating, but even she had to admit that couch looked like hell.
“Did you even sleep?” she asked, her voice softer now.
“Enough,” he said, brushing it off with a shrug. “You?”
She hesitated. She wanted to lie, to tell him she’d slept like a rock just to avoid giving him the satisfaction. But she was too tired to keep up the pretense. “Barely,” she muttered, running a hand through her hair.
Harry didn’t say anything, but his smirk softened into something else, something almost understanding. “We’ve got a couple hours before soundcheck,” he said after a beat, pushing off the desk. “I’ll grab coffee if y’want.”
She blinked at him, caught off guard by the offer.
“You’re being weirdly nice this morning,” she drawled, narrowing her eyes.
Harry grinned, all teeth. “Don’t get used to it.”
Before she could respond, he slipped out the door, leaving her sitting there in the quiet room, her heart beating just a little faster than it should have been.
When Harry returned twenty minutes later, carrying two steaming cups of coffee and a bag of pastries from the shop across the street, YN couldn’t bring herself to be annoyed.
But she didn’t thank him either.
She wasn’t sure why, but the tension between them felt different in the light of day. Lighter. Less suffocating. Still there, sure, but not as sharp.
She sipped her coffee in silence, watching as Harry lounged on the edge of the bed, scrolling lazily through his phone.
By ten that morning, they were at the Ryman.
The iconic auditorium was a cathedral of music, its wooden pews and high ceilings steeped in history. YN had played a lot of venues over the years, but this one felt different. Sacred, almost.
The crew was already bustling around the stage, running cables and testing equipment as the band took their places for a quick run-through. She strapped on her guitar and adjusted the amp settings, the familiarity of the process grounding her.
“Alright,” the stage manager called, his voice echoing in the empty hall. “Let’s run it from Carolina. Just a quick one, then you’re free for the day.”
Harry stepped up to the mic, giving a thumbs-up to the techs at the soundboard. His voice rang out clear and confident, slipping into the song like it was second nature.
YN played her part without thinking, her fingers moving easily over the strings. But she couldn’t help noticing the way Harry was watching her again.
It wasn’t as obvious as before—just the occasional glance, fleeting but deliberate, like he was checking her reaction to something she couldn’t quite place.
Her stomach twisted. She didn’t know if it was frustration or something else entirely.
They wrapped up soundcheck in record time, the stage manager dismissing them with a wave of his clipboard.
“Alright, folks. Enjoy your free day. Don’t get into too much trouble.”
The band dispersed quickly, everyone eager to make the most of the rare downtime. Sarah and Mitch mentioned something about finding a good barbecue spot, and within minutes, YN found herself standing outside the Ryman, squinting in the bright Tennessee sun.
She was about to head back toward the hotel when Harry’s voice stopped her.
“Hey, Hendrix.”
She turned to see him leaning against the tour bus, his sunglasses perched on his nose. She hummed in response, holding her hand above her eyes to shield the sun.
He grinned, his voice light and teasing. “You’re not gonna spend the whole day in the room, are you?”
“What’s it to you?”
“Nothing,” he said with a shrug, pushing off the bus. “Just thought you might want to come along.”
“Come along where?”
He slipped his hands into his pockets, tilting his head in that infuriatingly casual way he had. “I was thinking about exploring. But if you’d rather sulk in the hotel…”
She glared at him, her irritation mixing with reluctant curiosity. “I’m not sulking,” she muttered.
“Prove it.” His grin widened.
She sighed, weighing her options. She could spend the rest of the day alone, aimlessly wandering the city, or… she could let Harry drag her into whatever chaos he had planned.
Against her better judgment, she took a step closer.
“Fine.” she grumbled. “But if you annoy me, I’m leaving.”
Harry laughed, a warm sound that somehow made her chest feel lighter. “Deal.”
As they made their way through the streets of Nashville, YN couldn’t help but notice how easy it was to fall into step with him.
They wandered through the heart of downtown, the air thick with the sound of live music spilling out of honky-tonk bars and the faint smell of fried food. He seemed relaxed, his usual sharp edges dulled by the easy rhythm of the day.
They ducked into a record store, where Harry spent an obscene amount of time flipping through vinyls, offering commentary on the cover art of each one.
“Look at this,” he said, holding up a copy of Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours. He grinned at her, and for once, it felt less like a challenge and more like… something else.
YN raised an eyebrow as she glanced at the album he held up, the iconic cover staring back at her. “What about it?” she asked, folding her arms and leaning against the edge of the nearest display.
Harry’s grin shifted, softer now, almost boyish. “It’s a masterpiece. Don’t tell me you’ve never given it a proper listen.”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a small smirk. “Of course I’ve listened to it. Who hasn’t? Don’t go acting like you’ve discovered fire.”
“Ah, but have you really listened to it?” He stepped closer, tilting his head as he studied her expression like it might hold the answer. “Like, lying on the floor, headphones on, letting it ruin your entire mood?”
“That sounds unnecessarily dramatic.”
“Dramatic? YN, this album is a rite of passage. The Chain? That bassline alone deserves its own religion.”
She couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her, a quick, genuine sound that caught her off guard as much as it did him. “You’re ridiculous,” she muttered, shaking her head.
He looked pleased with himself, his grin stretching wider. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.”
“Take it however you want,” she shot back, moving past him to inspect a crate of blues records. Her fingers skimmed over the edges of the albums, her pulse oddly steady in the low hum of his company.
Harry hovered near, occasionally picking up a record and commenting on it. “You’re quiet,” he noted after a few minutes, his tone lighter than she’d expected.
“Just... looking,” she replied, hoping the words sounded casual enough.
“Looking for anything in particular?”
“No.” The lie came easily.
He didn’t press, and for once, she appreciated his silence. It gave her room to breathe, to figure out why the usual tension between them felt... different today. Lighter, maybe. Or maybe she was just imagining things.
After a moment, he spoke again, his voice quieter this time. “I like this, you know.”
She glanced up, caught off guard by the uncharacteristic sincerity in his tone. “Like what?”
“This.” He gestured between them, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. “Hanging out. You’re tolerable when y’not glaring at me.”
She blinked, unsure whether to laugh or scowl. “That’s your idea of a compliment?”
“Take it or leave it,” he said, his smirk returning but not fully masking the warmth behind it.
She rolled her eyes again but didn’t look away, and for a brief moment, the air between them shifted. The faint tension that always seemed to linger was still there, but it wasn’t sharp or heavy. It was something else entirely.
As the afternoon wore on, the tension that had been brewing between them seemed to fade, replaced by something quieter.
They grabbed lunch at a hole-in-the-wall diner Harry insisted on, where they shared a plate of fries and argued over whether ketchup or mayo was the superior dipping sauce.
“Ketchup,” YN said, dipping another fry.
Harry shook his head, mock disappointment written all over his face. “I expected better from you.”
She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of her.
By the time they made their way back to the hotel, the sun was sinking low, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. She felt lighter, like the weight of the past few days had lifted, if only for a little while.
As they reached the elevator, Harry glanced at her, his expression softer than she’d ever seen it.
“Thanks for coming along,” his voice was quiet but sincere.
She hesitated, surprised by the sudden vulnerability in his tone. “Yeah, well… it was better than sulking.”
He smiled.
The hotel room was quiet, the kind of stillness that settled into your bones and made you feel the weight of the day. After their spontaneous exploration of Nashville, she had parted ways with Harry in the hallway. He mentioned something about meeting up with Mitch, tossing her a casual, “See you later,” before disappearing down the corridor.
YN had nodded but hadn’t said much else. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or annoyed that he was leaving for the night.
After a long shower, she tugged on an oversized band tee—some faded thing she’d thrifted years ago—and a pair of soft cotton shorts. Her damp hair clung to her shoulders as she padded barefoot around the room, her phone in one hand as she scrolled through texts from her family.
Dad: Don’t forget to drink water. You sound so busy. Call us when you have time.
Younger sibling: lol saw a vid of harry styles crowd at your show. how’s that going???
She smiled faintly at the last one, shaking her head as she typed a quick response.
It wasn’t until she’d tossed her phone onto the bedside table that she remembered the little stash she’d hidden away.
She opened her suitcase, digging past neatly folded shirts and random cables until her fingers brushed against an emptied bag-balm tin, where she hid a pre-roll. She grinned to herself, pulling it out along with the battered cherry red lighter she always kept with it.
YN grabbed her guitar and wandered to the deep window sill, settling into it like a cat in the sun. She pushed the window all the way up, the night air warm against her skin as it rushed into the room. Nashville stretched out before her, the faint glow of the city lights mixing with the distant hum of passing cars.
She tucked the joint between her lips, the flame of the lighter flickering as she lit the tip. She took a slow drag, letting the smoke curl through her lungs and settle into her chest before she exhaled out into the open air.
The buzz hit quickly, a soft warmth unfurling in her limbs. She leaned back against the window frame, her guitar resting comfortably on her lap as she started to strum.
The notes came easily, her fingers gliding over the strings as she played whatever came to mind. A soft, haunting melody took shape. She kept her voice low, just above a whisper, the lyrics spilling from her lips like they were meant for the quiet night.
Spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine
The joint hung from her lips as she sang, her voice airy and unpolished, but easy.
Made up my mind to make a new start, going to California with an aching in my heart
She was so lost in the song, the feel of the strings beneath her fingers, that she didn’t hear the door open.
Harry stepped inside, the door clicking shut softly behind him. He paused, his eyes catching on the scene in front of him—the open window, YN perched on the sill with her guitar, the smoke from the joint curling lazily in the dim light.
She didn’t notice him at first, too wrapped up in the song. Her voice was soft and raw, carrying just enough emotion to make the lyrics hit harder than they should have.
Seems that the wrath of the gods got a punch in the nose and it’s starting to flow—think i might be sinking.
Harry stayed where he was, leaning against the wall near the door, arms crossed as he listened. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t announce himself right away. Maybe it was the way she seemed so unguarded, so lost in her own little world. It felt wrong to interrupt.
Her fingers lingered on the last note of the song, letting it fade softly into the warm night air. She leaned her head back against the window frame, the faint hum of the guitar strings still vibrating against her skin.
The room was quiet now, the only sound the distant buzz of traffic outside. She thought she was alone—until a flicker of movement caught her eye.
Her head snapped up to see Harry stepping closer, his strides slow and deliberate. He didn’t say anything, didn’t smirk or crack one of his usual jokes. He just moved, quiet and assured, until he stopped by the desk next to the window.
He sank into the chair with a soft creak, still close enough that YN could feel the heat of his presence.
Her heart stuttered, but she didn’t acknowledge him outright. Not yet.
Instead, she glanced at him briefly, her eyes meeting his for a fraction of a second before returning to the guitar in her lap. Her fingers idly plucked at the strings, pulling out a soft, wandering melody—not another song, just sound to fill the silence.
Harry stayed quiet, leaning back in the chair as his gaze followed the slow, practiced movements of her hands.
When she paused, fingers hovering over the frets, the faint smell of smoke still curling in the air, Harry’s attention shifted.
Without a word, he reached for the joint resting between her fingers near the neck of the guitar. His movements were smooth, casual, like he’d done it a hundred times before.
YN didn’t stop him, but her lips parted slightly in surprise, her pulse quickening as his hand brushed against hers.
He brought it to his lips, the faint ember at the tip flaring as he inhaled. The smoke curled lazily between them, filling the small space with a warmth that felt heavier than the fading summer air outside.
She watched him, her fingers still resting lightly on the strings, the unfinished melody hanging between them.
He exhaled slowly, his gaze flicking back to hers as the smoke dissipated into the room. For a moment, neither of them said anything.
The quiet wasn’t uncomfortable—it was something else. Something charged, like the tension from the last few days had found a new way to manifest itself.
YN finally broke the silence, her voice low and rough. “Didn’t realize you smoked.”
Harry’s lips curved into a faint smile, the kind that didn’t give anything away. “Didn’t realize you played Zeppelin.”
Her eyes narrowed slightly, her lips twitching as she fought the urge to smile back.
“Don’t stop playing,” he murmured, leaning back in the chair and tipping his head toward the window.
YN hesitated for a moment, her gaze lingering on him before she shifted the guitar back into place.
She didn’t play for him. Not really. But as the quiet notes filled the room again, she couldn’t help but notice how close he was, how the faint smell of smoke and something distinctly Harry seemed to blur the edges of everything else.
The melody was unmistakable, a classic she knew by heart. Slow, deliberate, and wordless, the tune drifted into the still night air. She tilted slightly, fingers brushing over the strings with a lightness that made it feel effortless.
Harry stayed in the chair by the desk, close enough that she could feel the weight of his presence but far enough that he seemed content to linger in the space between them.
He didn’t say anything. Didn’t interrupt.
His eyes flickered between her and the view outside, where the skyline blinked faintly in the distance. He seemed lost in thought, the faint haze of smoke from the joint twisting lazily around him.
The rhythm of her playing was slow, hypnotic, like it had seeped straight from her fingertips into the quiet air. She didn’t look at him directly, but she could feel his attention, even when it wasn’t on her.
When the joint burned low between his fingers, Harry leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he turned toward her. He lifted it to her lips, careful not to disrupt her playing, his movements casual but precise.
YN paused for just a fraction of a second, caught off guard by the gesture, but she let it happen. Her lips closed around it, inhaling deeply as her fingers continued their soft rhythm across the strings.
He stayed there for a moment, watching her before leaning back in the chair and taking the joint back between his own lips.
The smoke lingered between them, faint and warm, curling like an unspoken connection.
The song continued—soft, wistful, and unhurried. Her focus shifted to the melody, letting it guide her as Harry flicked his gaze between her hands, her face, and the view beyond the window.
Every so often, he’d lean forward again, passing the joint to her silently, his movements slow and patient. It felt strangely intimate, the quiet exchange, the way their hands brushed in the dim light.
Neither of them spoke, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was heavy, yes, but not with tension. It felt… deliberate.
When YN finally let the last note of the song fade into the air, her hands stilled on the guitar.
He didn’t say anything right away. He leaned back in the chair, the joint burning low between his fingers as his gaze lingered on her for just a moment too long.
“You should do that more often,” he said softly, his voice rough around the edges.
She raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into the faintest smirk. “Play Floyd?”
“Play anything,” he replied, taking one last drag before stubbing the joint out on the edge of the ashtray she’d left by the window. “Or keep me guessing.”
YN shifted the guitar off her lap, leaning it gently against the window sill. She crossed her arms, the soft night air brushing against her bare legs as she glanced at Harry. “It’s my job to play for you, Harry.”
His head tipped slightly, his green eyes narrowing as he considered her. “That why y’were playing now?”
She scoffed, leaning her shoulder against the window frame. “No. But it’s why I’m here, isn’t it? To play what you want to hear. To make your shows sound good.”
Harry didn’t react immediately. He stayed leaned back in the chair, the now-extinguished joint resting in the ashtray beside him. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm, almost lazy.
“You think that’s all you’re here for?”
“That’s what it feels like sometimes,” she muttered, her words laced with the kind of honesty she didn’t usually let herself share. “You’ve got everything planned, Harry. The look, the sound, the crowd. You don’t need me.”
His lips curved into a faint, humorless smile. “If I didn’t need you, you wouldn’t be here.”
YN frowned, tilting her head. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Like I’m just another piece of the machine?”
Harry leaned forward then, his elbows resting on his knees as he met her gaze. The air between them felt heavier now, his next words slow and pointed. “You’re not just a piece. And you know it.”
For a moment, she didn’t know how to respond. She hated the way her pulse quickened under his stare, the way his voice—low and rough—seemed to wrap around her like smoke.
She turned her head slightly, looking out at the view instead of him. “You don’t act like it,” she mumbled.
He let out a low laugh, though there was no humor in it. “And how do I act, YN? Enlighten me.”
She hesitated, then turned back to face him, her arms still crossed over her chest. “You act like I’m just… there. Like you can turn me on and off when it suits you. Like I don’t matter unless I’m standing on stage next to you.”
His jaw tightened, his gaze never wavering from hers. “That’s not true.”
It was.
“Could’ve fooled me.”
The silence that followed felt like it stretched forever. The only sound was the faint hum of traffic outside and the soft creak of the chair as Harry shifted his weight.
“You think I don’t notice you?” he said finally, his voice quieter now but no less intense.
She blinked, caught off guard by the question. “What?”
Harry stood then, closing the distance between them in just a stride. He stopped just shy of the window, leaning one hand against the frame as he looked at her.
“You think I don’t notice you,” he repeated, his voice steady, almost accusing. “Every time you play, every time you step on that stage. Every time you look at me like you’re trying to figure out if I’m about to push you away again.”
YN swallowed hard, her throat suddenly dry. “You don’t notice anything,” she said, though the words came out weaker than she intended.
His gaze dropped to her lips for the briefest moment before snapping back to her eyes. “I notice everything,” he countered softly.
Her breath hitched, and she hated the way it made her feel like she was on uneven ground. “Then why do you act like this? Why do you make it so hard?”
“Because y’make it hard,” he shot back, his voice low but sharp. “You shut me out before I even get the chance to try.”
YN laughed then, a hollow, bitter sound. “You’ve never tried, Harry.”
“And you’ve never let me.” he said, the words falling between them like a challenge.
The weight of his stare was suffocating, and for a moment, YN didn’t know what to say. She could feel the tension crackling between them, thicker now, more volatile.
“Bullshit.” She turned back to the window, her voice softer when she spoke again. “This is pointless.”
Harry didn’t move, his hand still resting on the window frame as his eyes lingered on her.
“Maybe,” he said quietly. “But it doesn’t mean it’s not real.”
YN closed her eyes, letting his words hang in the air as the night wrapped around them. Neither of them said anything else, but the silence spoke louder than anything they could’ve said.
The morning came earlier than YN wanted it to. She’d barely slept, the weight of the night before hanging over her like a low fog.
The room was quiet when she woke, the faint hum of the air conditioning filling the stillness. Harry’s side of the room was empty, the crumpled blanket on the sofa the only sign he’d stayed at all.
YN sat up slowly, rubbing the heel of her hand against her eyes as the memory of their conversation came rushing back. She didn’t know if she regretted it—what they’d said, what they hadn’t said—but she knew it had left her chest feeling heavier than it had in weeks.
She glanced at the clock. They had a longer rehearsal today, prepping for the Ryman show tomorrow. If she didn’t hurry, she’d risk being late.
With a groan, she threw off the covers and got ready, pulling on a worn pair of jeans and a t-shirt before stuffing her guitar into its case and heading out the door.
The venue was already buzzing with activity when she arrived. The crew was setting up the stage, the hum of amps and feedback filling the auditorium as the band trickled in one by one. Mitch and Sarah were already there, chatting quietly by the drum kit, while Harry stood near the mic stand, flipping through a setlist with their tour manager.
YN felt his presence before she saw him, the memory of his words from the night before still fresh in her mind.
Maybe. But it doesn’t mean it’s not real.
She swallowed hard, forcing herself to push the thought aside as she made her way to her usual spot on the stage.
“Morning,” Mitch gave her a small smile.
“Morning,” she replied, setting her guitar case down and pulling out the instrument.
Harry didn’t say anything as she arrived, but she could feel his gaze flicker toward her for a brief moment before he turned his attention back to the stage manager.
Rehearsal started slow.
The band worked their way through the setlist, adjusting transitions, tightening harmonies, and fine-tuning every detail until the songs sounded like they could fill the Ryman’s historic walls without effort.
YN tried to focus, but it was harder than usual. Harry’s voice was everywhere—smooth and commanding, sharp and playful, depending on the song. His presence filled the room, making it impossible to ignore him no matter how much she tried.
But he didn’t speak to her directly. Not once.
It was infuriating, the way he could act like nothing had happened. Like they hadn’t spent the night before saying things that neither of them had the courage to finish.
The longer the rehearsal went, the more it started to gnaw at her. By the time they reached Ever Since New York, her patience was wearing thin.
“Hold on,” Harry said, waving a hand as the band finished the first chorus. He turned to Mitch. “That transition’s still too rushed. Can we stretch it out a little more?”
Mitch nodded, already adjusting his guitar.
She sighed quietly, her fingers hovering over the frets as she tried not to let her irritation show.
“Something wrong?” He asked suddenly, his voice cutting through the space like a blade.
Her head snapped up, her eyes narrowing at him. “No.”
“Sure about that?” he asked, his tone light but his gaze sharp.
She stared at him for a moment, her chest tightening with frustration. “Just play the song, Harry.”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Alright. Again.”
By the time rehearsal wrapped, YN was drained. Her fingers ached from hours of playing, and her chest felt heavy with the weight of unspoken words.
As the crew began packing up, she slung her guitar over her shoulder and made her way toward the back of the stage, desperate for a moment alone.
But before she could disappear, Harry’s voice stopped her.
“Hey! YN.”
Her grip on her guitar strap tightened as she turned to face him, the tension between them sharp enough to cut. He was standing near the edge of the stage, his expression carefully unreadable, though his shoulders were tense. “What?” she asked, her voice curt, already bracing herself.
He hesitated, just for a moment, then tilted his head slightly, his gaze flicking over her like he was trying to figure out how to start. “About last night.”
Her jaw tightened. She hadn’t wanted to think about last night—how raw it had felt, how vulnerable she’d let herself be for even a second. She’d been trying to shove it to the back of her mind all day. “What about it?” she said flatly, her tone leaving no room for softness.
Harry’s lips pressed into a thin line, and when he spoke again, his voice was lower, quieter, but it still held an edge. “You meant what y’said, didn’t you?”
She blinked at him, caught off guard. “What are you talking about?”
“You think I don’t notice you,” he mumbled, his words more a statement than a question.
Her stomach churned, but she forced herself to keep her expression steady. “I don’t know why you care.”
“Because I do,” he shot back, his voice sharpening, though he still kept it low enough that no one else could hear. “And don’t act like you don’t, either.”
Her chest tightened at the accusation, but she refused to let it show. “You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” she said coldly, crossing her arms.
His jaw ticked, and he took a small step closer. “You think this is easy? Working with you? Being around you?”
She scoffed, the sound bitter in her throat. “Right. Because you’re so perfect to deal with, Harry.”
His eyes narrowed, the frustration clear now. “You act like I don’t care, but you’re the one who’s been pushing me out since the start.”
Her breath caught, and for a second, she wasn’t sure if it was anger or something else flaring in her chest. “Because you make it impossible,” she snapped, a whisper. “You walk around like the world revolves around you, and you expect everyone to just fall in line.”
“I don’t expect anything from you, YN,” he said, his voice sharp, almost defensive. “Except maybe to stop pretending like none of this matters t’you.”
Her heart thudded against her ribs, the words cutting deeper than she wanted to admit. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means,” Harry paused, his voice quieter now but no less intense, “you’ve made it pretty damn clear you’d rather be anywhere else than here—with me, with this band. So don’t act like I’m the one who doesn’t give a shit.”
YN stared at him, her chest heaving, her hands trembling at her sides. She wanted to throw something at him, wanted to shout, but the anger in her throat felt too tangled with something else—something raw and uncertain.
Before she could think of a response, Harry shook his head, his lips curling into a bitter half-smile. “Forget it,” he muttered, turning on his heel.
He stalked off the stage without looking back, his steps echoing in the empty auditorium.
YN stayed frozen where she was, her pulse pounding in her ears as his words replayed over and over again in her mind.
She hated that he was wrong.
And she hated even more that he wasn’t entirely right.
The 25th came fast, bringing with it the weight of a sold-out show at the Ryman Auditorium. YN felt it the moment she woke up—the low hum of tension in her chest, the kind that came from knowing she was about to step onto one of the most iconic stages in music history.
She moved through the day on autopilot, her interactions with the crew and band kept short and polite. She didn’t have it in her to do more, not after yesterday’s rehearsal, not after the argument with Harry that still lingered like a bruise.
By the time the sun dipped low over Nashville, casting long shadows across the city, the energy backstage was crackling with anticipation.
The band gathered in the wings as the crew finished final checks. She adjusted the strap of her guitar, her fingers tightening and loosening around the neck in a rhythm she didn’t realize she was keeping.
Harry stood a few feet away, his presence as inescapable as ever. He was wearing a dark, tailored suit with just enough sparkle to catch the light, his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest. His hair was tousled in that perfectly imperfect way that she hated to admit suited him.
He hadn’t spoken to her since yesterday. Not directly. And she hadn’t gone out of her way to fix that.
“Alright, everyone ready?” the stage manager called, clipboard in hand.
The band nodded, one by one. Harry turned to them, his usual grin firmly in place, but there was a flicker of something else in his eyes when his gaze landed on YN.
“All good?” he asked, his tone light but pointed, like he was challenging her.
She held his stare, refusing to let him see the nerves twisting in her chest. “Good.”
Harry’s smirk softened, but he didn’t push it. “Let’s do this, then,” he said, turning back toward the stage as the house lights dimmed.
The roar of the crowd was deafening, a wall of sound that hit YN square in the chest as they stepped onto the stage.
The show opened strong, the band locking into the rhythm like clockwork. The crowd was electric, their cheers and screams filling every corner of the Ryman as Harry worked the stage, his voice weaving effortlessly through the music.
She focused on her playing, her fingers moving over the strings with practiced precision. She kept her eyes on the crowd, on Mitch, on the neck of her guitar—anywhere but Harry.
But it didn’t matter. She could feel him, his presence pulling at her like a tide no matter how hard she tried to resist.
It was during Woman that the tension finally cracked.
The song had always been a crowd favorite, its sultry rhythm and teasing lyrics sending the audience into a frenzy. Tonight was no different.
Harry prowled the stage, the mic in one hand, his free hand gesturing to the crowd as they screamed the words back to him.
And then, without warning, his gaze found hers.
—I told you but I know you’d never listen.
YN’s fingers faltered for the briefest moment, the wrong note slipping out before she corrected herself.
He smirked, slow and all-knowing, because he did. He knew what he was doing.
He sang the chorus, his voice low and taunting as he turned to her fully, his body angled toward her now.
The crowd screamed, but they didn’t notice the way his eyes stayed locked on hers, sharp and unrelenting.
Her chest tightened, but she refused to look away. Instead, she matched his intensity with her playing, her fingers flying over the strings like she could drown him out with sheer force.
The song ended in a crescendo, the applause erupting like thunder. Harry grinned at the crowd, blowing kisses into the sea of adoring faces, but when he turned back to the band, his smirk softened into something more subtle.
YN ignored him, focusing instead on retuning her guitar for the next song. But her hands were trembling slightly, and she hated herself for it.
The rest of the show passed in a blur of music and adrenaline.
By the time they reached the encore, she felt both exhausted and wired, her body caught in that strange limbo that came after hours on stage.
She risked a glance at Harry, and for a moment, she thought she saw something in his expression that mirrored her own—a kind of quiet exhaustion, tinged with something unspoken.
But then he turned back to the crowd, his charm cranked up to full volume as he thanked them, his voice ringing out like a promise. “Goodnight, Nashville,” he said, his grin wide and infectious. “You’ve been incredible.”
The applause was deafening, the crowd chanting his name as the band took their final bow.
Backstage crew members moved in every direction, packing up equipment and shouting over the noise. The band had scattered, Mitch and Sarah disappearing into their dressing rooms while Harry lingered by the door, chatting with a few industry types who’d come to the show.
YN slipped past the commotion, her guitar case slung over her shoulder as she made her way to the dressing room she was sharing with Mitch.
But before she could reach the door, Harry’s voice stopped her.
She froze, her grip tightening on the strap of her guitar. She turned slowly, her expression carefully neutral.
Harry was leaning against the wall, his shirt damp with sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead. He looked tired but satisfied, his usual post-show glow dimmed by something quieter.
“Good show tonight,” he said, his tone casual but his eyes sharper than his words.
YN raised an eyebrow, her lips curving into a faint smirk. “You don’t have to tell me that.”
He huffed a quiet laugh, his smirk returning. “You’re impossible, you know that?”
“Yeah,” she said, turning back toward her dressing room. “Look in the mirror, Harry.” She didn’t wait for his response, didn’t look back as she pushed open the door and let it close behind her.
September 26th, Chicago Theatre
Chicago was cold, a brisk wind biting at the edges of everything, but the theater itself felt electric. The second show on this leg of the tour, and the crowd roared louder than even the Nashville audience had. YN had expected it—Chicago fans had a reputation—but it still sent a jolt through her chest every time the applause hit.
She’d kept her head down all day, avoiding Harry as much as possible after the tension-filled Ryman show. He hadn’t gone out of his way to talk to her either, which suited her just fine. The dynamic between them was still strained, but now it felt heavier, sharper, like a spring wound too tight.
On stage that night, they were professional, seamless even. The music flowed like second nature, and the crowd ate up every word Harry sang, every note the band played.
But Harry’s energy was different.
He stalked the stage like he had something to prove, his voice sharper, his movements purposeful. Every so often, his gaze would flicker toward her, his eyes dark under the stage lights, and her fingers would stumble, just for a second.
She hated that he could still affect her like that. Hated that her pulse quickened every time he looked at her like he was daring her to break.
When the show ended, she slipped out of the backstage chaos as quickly as she could, retreating to her dressing room before Harry could find her.
But she couldn’t escape the feeling that their fight wasn’t just simmering—it was boiling over, and it was only a matter of time before it all spilled out.
September 27th, New York City Music Hall
New York felt different, brighter somehow. The Music Hall was massive, its gold interiors glinting under the lights, the kind of place that made you feel like you were a part of something monumental just by standing inside it.
YN was buzzing, but not because of the show. Tonight, she’d finally made good on her promise to get her best friend in with VIP tickets.
Jude had shown up grinning from ear to ear, dragging along another friend, Sage, a boy she knew from a few mutual connections but hadn’t spent much time with. She didn’t mind—Sage was friendly, good-looking in that casual, effortless way, and Jude seemed thrilled to be there.
The show was flawless, a whirlwind of sound and energy that left the crowd screaming for more by the end of the encore. YN felt good, better than she had in days. Maybe it was Jude’s energy, or the thrill of being home in New York, or the fact that she’d managed to avoid Harry’s smirking glances on stage.
The energy backstage was lighter than usual, the post-show adrenaline mingling with the warmth of a half-empty box of beers someone had dragged in from a gas station. YN sat on a crate near the corner of the room, Jude and Sage perched close by, the three of them surrounded by the casual hum of conversation. Mitch was strumming idly on an unplugged guitar, Sarah was laughing with one of the techs, and the crew milled around, taking turns grabbing beers and tossing them to each other.
Harry sprawled in the cheap folding chair like it was a throne. His legs stretched out, boots crossed, beer bottle swaying loose between his fingers. He wore the smug indifference of someone who knew exactly how good he looked, from the sweat-mussed hair to the open collar of his shirt. A rock god slumming it in a room full of mortals.
Jude, of course, was eating it up, no matter how hard she tried not to. Her eyes kept drifting back, quick flickers like a moth circling a flame. YN could see the effort it took for her friend to focus on Sage, laughing a little too hard at his jokes, leaning just a bit too close. But the second Harry glanced their way, Jude’s attention snapped to him like a compass needle finding north.
“This is VIP treatment?” Sage asked, flashing one of his trademark grins. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, his bottle raised like a toast.
Jude latched onto the question, grateful for the distraction. “Welcome to the glamorous life of rock and roll,” she quipped, sweeping a hand around the dingy green room. Half-eaten takeout boxes, a broken amp shoved in the corner, and a stack of mismatched chairs that looked like they’d collapse if you breathed wrong.
“I’m not complaining,” Sage said, his smile lingering, his tone dipping lower. “Not if it means I get to see you.”
The words hung in the air just a second too long.
YN felt the heat crawl up her neck before she even realized it. She took a long sip of her beer, keeping her face neutral, trying to ignore the heavy stare boring into the side of her head. She didn’t have to look to know Harry was watching. She could feel it.
“Careful,” Harry drawled, finally breaking the silence. His voice was low, lazy, but there was an edge to it. “Say something like that, and you might get her hopes up.”
Sage blinked, caught off guard, then let out a short laugh, brushing it off. “I think she can handle it.”
“Oh, sure,” Harry said, leaning back further in his chair. He swirled the beer bottle idly, staring into the amber liquid like it held secrets. “Just don’t trip over yourself trying too hard. You’d hate to embarrass yourself in front of the talent.”
Jude stiffened beside YN. Sage’s easy smile faltered, but he recovered fast, glancing at YN with a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Speaking of talent, you were incredible out there,” he said, his voice softer, directed at her now. “That solo in Woman? Gave me chills.”
YN opened her mouth to respond, but Harry beat her to it.
“Yeah, chills,” he echoed, not looking up from his bottle. “Or was it the AC in the venue finally kicking in? Hard t’tell.”
Sage chuckled, but it was tight. Forced. “I meant it,” he said, still talking to YN. “You’ve got something special. You know that, right?”
Harry made a sound low in his throat, almost a laugh. Not quite. “Special,” he repeated, like he was tasting the word and finding it bitter. “Special enough t’get you a free beer and a backstage pass. Quite the honor.”
Sage turned to him now, his posture shifting, more squared. “That’s not what I meant.”
Harry’s eyes finally lifted, locking onto Sage with a lazy sort of intensity. “No?”
The word hung there, sharp and cold, daring Sage to keep going.
YN set her bottle down harder than she meant to, the dull thunk slicing through the thick air. “Harry.”
“What?” he said, the picture of innocence, except for the smirk curling at the edge of his mouth.
Her jaw tightened. “Can I talk to you outside?”
Harry raised his eyebrows, playing dumb. “Outside?”
“Mm-hm.” She hummed sharply, pushing herself to her feet. “Now.”
He took his time standing, unfolding himself from the chair with the kind of slow, deliberate movements that made every second stretch out like taffy. His boots scraped against the floor as he stood, towering over her but pretending not to notice. “You sure y’don’t want to hash this out here? We’ve got an audience and everything. Could be fun.”
“Outside,” she repeated through gritted teeth.
Harry chuckled, low and infuriating. “Alright,” he breathed, gesturing toward the door like he was humoring her. “Lead the way.”
As she brushed past him, she caught a glimpse of Jude, wide-eyed and silent, clutching her bottle like it was the only thing keeping her grounded. Sage sat back, his jaw tight, his smile long gone.
Behind her, Harry followed, his footsteps slow and heavy, like he wanted her to know he wasn’t in any hurry. And as they stepped out into the cold, stale air of the hallway, she could still hear his laugh echoing softly, more to himself than anyone else.
That laugh made her want to scream.
The alley behind the Music Hall was quiet, the distant hum of city traffic echoing off the brick walls. The air was cool, a sharp contrast to the stuffy warmth of the backstage room. “What the hell was that?” she asked, spinning around to face him.
He took a slow sip of his beer, his eyes steady on hers. “What was what?”
“Don’t play dumb,” she snapped, her arms crossing over her chest. “All the comments. The interruptions. What’s your problem?”
Harry leaned against the wall, his head tilting slightly as he studied her. “No problem,” he said lightly. “Just thought I’d keep the conversation interesting.”
“Interesting?” she repeated, her voice rising. “You were being a dick, Harry.”
His smile faded slightly, his gaze narrowing. “Maybe I don’t like watching some guy who barely knows you act like he’s been waiting his whole life to kiss your ass.”
YN blinked, caught off guard by the bluntness of his words. “Are you serious?”
“You heard me,” he murmured, his voice quieter now, but no less intense.
She stared at him, her chest tightening with a mix of frustration and something she didn’t want to name. “Why do you even care?”
He pushed off the wall, stepping closer until there was barely a foot of space between them. His eyes locked on hers, unflinching. “I dunno.”
Her breath hitched, her pulse hammering against her ribs. “That’s not an answer.”
“S’the only one you’re getting.”
For a long moment, neither of them moved, the tension between them thick and crackling like static electricity.
She finally broke the silence, her voice quieter now but no less sharp. “You don’t get to pull this shit, Harry. Not after everything.”
He looked at her for a moment longer, something unreadable flashing in his eyes. Then he took a step back, his smile returning, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Got it,” he said simply, turning toward the door.
She watched him go, her fists clenched at her sides, her heart pounding with anger—and something else she didn’t want to name.
She stayed in the alley long after Harry disappeared back inside. Her chest felt tight, her breathing uneven as she tried to process the exchange.
The words echoed in her mind, a sharp contrast to the smirk he’d worn when he walked away. She hated how he could get under her skin so easily, how his presence seemed to shift the air around her, how her anger at him never felt simple.
She leaned back against the cool brick wall, tilting her head up toward the night sky. The distant hum of traffic was a low comfort, a reminder of how big the world was outside of the theater, outside of him.
You don’t get to pull this shit, Harry.
But he had, and he would again. That much she was sure of.
Harry didn’t stay backstage for long. When he stepped back into the room, the energy was lighter without her there. Jude and Sage had moved on to laughing about something Mitch was saying, their voices rising over the clinking of bottles. Harry slipped past them with a nod, setting his empty beer bottle on the edge of a table.
“I’m heading out,” he said, his voice easy, casual, as if the last few minutes hadn’t happened.
Mitch looked up, raising an eyebrow. “You good?”
“Yeah,” Harry grumbled, running a hand through his hair. “Just tired. Think I’ll head back to the hotel.”
No one questioned him further. Harry had a way of ending conversations before they started, and tonight was no different.
YN finally pushed herself off the wall, shaking off the lingering tension as best she could. The night air had cooled her temper slightly, though the weight of her frustration still hung in her chest.
When she stepped back inside, the room felt just as loud as before, though the dynamic had shifted.
Jude waved her over immediately, her grin as bright as ever. “Hey! You okay?”
“Fine.”YN said, her voice clipped. She didn’t want to talk about what happened. Not now, not ever. “Where’s Harry?”
“Left a few minutes ago,” Mitch shrugged, strumming a lazy chord on the guitar he’d picked back up. “Said he was tired.”
YN’s stomach twisted, though she couldn’t pinpoint why.
“Good,” she muttered, grabbing a fresh beer from the nearly empty box. She twisted off the cap and took a long sip, letting the bitter taste settle her nerves.
Sage caught her eye, his grin still intact. “You alright?” he asked, leaning closer.
“I’m fine,” she said sharply, the edge in her voice enough to make him hold up his hands in surrender.
Jude gave her a look—something between concern and curiosity—but didn’t press further.
She leaned against the table, tuning out the chatter as the night dragged on. But no matter how hard she tried to focus on anything else, the memory of Harry’s words—and the look in his eyes when he said them—refused to leave her alone.
The night dissolved into a blur of laughter, music, and the bitter taste of cheap beer. YN had let herself go too far, her usual restraint eroded by the buzz in her veins and the way Sage kept leaning closer, his voice soft and insistent in her ear. She didn’t even remember how the drinks had piled up so quickly, only that by the time Mitch and Sarah coaxed her into leaving, the room was spinning, and her legs felt unsteady beneath her.
Her friends had already left, a whirlwind of hugs and goodbyes as they promised to text when they made it back to campus. She barely remembered waving them off. Her focus had narrowed to just putting one foot in front of the other, the alcohol turning everything fuzzy around the edges.
Mitch had one of her arms draped over his shoulder, Sarah steadying her other side as they guided her into the hotel.
“You’ve got to start drinking water at some point,” Mitch said, his tone amused but laced with concern.
“Water’s overrated,” YN mumbled, her voice slurred but determined.
Sarah snorted. “Tell that to your liver.”
They maneuvered her into the elevator, Sarah punching the button for their floor. The quiet hum of the ride did little to settle the nausea building in YN’s stomach.
“Alright, this is us,” Mitch said when the doors opened on their floor. He adjusted his grip on her arm, but she shook her head, pulling away clumsily.
“No, no, I’ve got it,” she insisted, stumbling forward and catching herself on the elevator wall.
“You sure?”
“Totally,” YN smiled, swaying slightly as she gave them a thumbs-up.
Mitch exchanged a look with Sarah, then sighed. “Okay, but if you fall over in the hallway, we’re not coming back down.”
“Love you guys,” She gave lopsided grin, blowing a haphazard kiss in their direction.
The walk to her room felt impossibly long. Her footsteps were uneven, and she clutched the wall for balance, the plush carpet doing little to steady her spinning head.
When she finally reached her door, she fumbled with the keycard, her hands clumsy and uncooperative. After several failed attempts, she groaned, leaning her forehead against the door in frustration.
But then her gaze shifted, and she realized something.
This wasn’t her room.
The gold numbers on the door were too low—she was on the wrong floor.
Harry’s room.
Her thoughts moved sluggishly, like she was trying to wade through molasses, but one thing became clear—she didn’t want to go back and figure it out. Not tonight.
Her fist hovered over the door for a moment, hesitation flickering in the back of her mind. She could just go back to the elevator, figure out her room, and collapse in her own bed.
But the alcohol dulled her better judgment, and she knocked before she could stop herself.
The door opened after a beat, and there he was.
Harry stood in the doorway, barefoot, loose sweatpants that hung low on his hips. His hair was messy, like he’d been lying down, and his eyes flicked over her with a mix of confusion and concern.
“YN?” His voice was low and rough with sleep.
“Hi.” She smiled, the word slurred and uneven.
He glanced down the hallway, then back at her. “You’re drunk.”
She hummed, nodding her head and leaning heavily against the doorframe.
Harry’s lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. “What are you doing here?”
“Dunno,” she pouted, blinking up at him. “I was trying to find my room, but…” She trailed off, waving a hand vaguely.
He sighed, stepping back and holding the door open wider. “Come in before someone calls security.”
The room was dim, lit only by a single lamp near the bed. She stumbled inside, kicking off her shoes and collapsing onto the armchair by the window.
Harry shut the door, leaning against it for a moment as he watched her.
“You alright?” he asked.
“Fantastic,” she mumbled, closing her eyes as the room spun around her.
“You do this often?” he asked dryly. “Stumbling drunk into the wrong room?”
“Not wrong,” she muttered, wagging a finger at him as she half-heartedly reached for the bottle of water on the table next to her. “I knew where I was going.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Sure you did.”
She squinted at him, her lips twitching like she was trying to suppress a laugh. “You’re awfully judgy for a guy wearing sweatpants with wine stains on them.”
Harry glanced down, frowning faintly at the faint red blotch near his knee. It could have been wine, those were old—not that’d he’d remember. But for arguments sake, “s’not wine.”
“Oh, I see,” She smirking as she leaned back in the chair. “Fancy rock star can’t even handle his grape juice.”
“That’s rich,” he shot back, his tone calm but pointed. “Coming from someone who can’t even find her own room.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but her expression softened into something quieter as the room fell silent. The edges of her bravado dulled under the weight of the alcohol and exhaustion, and she ran a hand through her hair as her voice dropped.
“Why were you so mean to me?”
Harry stilled, the teasing edge slipping from his face.
“When?” he asked, though his tone made it clear he knew exactly what she was talking about.
“From the start,” she frowned, her words slurred but steady enough to cut. “You act like you don’t give a shit about me one minute, and then you—” She broke off, gesturing vaguely. “And then you pull this I notice everything bullshit.”
He didn’t respond right away. Instead, he uncrossed his arms and moved toward her slowly, his footsteps soft against the carpet.
“You should drink that,” he breathed, gesturing to the water bottle still sitting untouched on the table.
YN blinked at him, her frustration flaring again. “Don’t change the subject, Harry.”
“I’m not,” he said evenly, crouching down in front of her. His eyes met hers, steady but guarded, and he grabbed the water bottle, holding it out. “Drink.”
She stared at him for a long moment, her chest tight. “You’re annoying,” she muttered, taking the bottle from his hand.
“You’re welcome,” he replied, his tone soft but laced with the faintest hint of amusement.
She took a few sips, grimacing as the cool liquid hit her empty stomach. Her head swam, the alcohol making her limbs heavy and uncooperative.
Harry stood, watching her carefully. “Come on.” He whispered after a moment, holding out his hand.
She frowned, looking at it suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
“Helping you into bed,” he said simply, his voice calm as he wriggled his fingers.
“I’m fine here.”
“You’re not sleeping in a chair, YN.” He sighed, his tone firmer now. “Come on.”
With a groan, she let him pull her to her feet, though her legs buckled almost immediately.
He caught her around the waist, shaking his head. “I’m fine.” He mocked breathily, a faint smile tugging on his lips, but he stifled it.
He guided her to the bed, steadying her as she sat down heavily on the edge. She looked up at him, her expression softer now, the alcohol dulling the sharpness of her frustration.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
Harry leaned down ever so slightly, brushing her hair behind her shoulders, thumbing away some of the mascara that smudged her cheeks. “Get some sleep, YN.”
“You’re deflecting,” she pouted, though her voice was fading, her head already sinking toward the pillow.
Harry shifted, pulling the blanket over her as she curled onto her side.
“Goodnight.” His voice was low and unreadable.
Silence.
He frowned, taking a step back. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, although he knew she didn’t hear him.
-
The tour bus hummed steadily as it sped toward Boston, the headlights slicing through the dark. It was well past midnight, and the world outside the window was nothing but a blur of shadows and the occasional glimmer of a passing car.
Everyone else was tucked away in their bunks, lulled to sleep by the gentle sway of the bus. The only sounds were the low murmur of the engine and the soft, absentminded strumming of an acoustic guitar.
YN sat curled up in the corner by the window, Mitch’s guitar resting on her lap. Her fingers moved lightly over the strings, coaxing out a quiet, meandering tune—nothing specific, just something to keep her hands busy. She stared out at the dark highway, the faint glow of her reflection in the glass blending with the streaks of passing lights.
Across the room, Harry sat at the small table, his laptop open in front of him. His shorts were bright pink, shirt faded and worn, hair messy and falling into his eyes. His fingers tapped softly on the keys, the blue glow of the screen reflecting off his rings.
For a while, neither of them said anything. The silence wasn’t tense exactly, but it wasn’t comfortable either. It felt like it had been stretched thin, like something fragile that might break if either of them pressed too hard.
She plucked a few more strings, then let the sound fade, her gaze flicking briefly toward Harry. “You don’t sleep, do you?” she asked, her voice soft but not without its usual bite.
He didn’t look up, his fingers still moving across the keyboard. “Not much.” he replied evenly.
“What are you even working on?” she murmured, shifting slightly in her seat to get a better view.
“Emails,” he breathed, glancing at her briefly before turning back to the screen. “Tour stuff.”
YN smiled faintly, her fingers returning to the guitar. “Rock star by day, admin assistant by night?”
Harry’s lips twitched, but he didn’t smile. “Someone’s gotta do it.”
She let out a low hum, her fingers drifting into a soft riff, the notes barely audible over the hum of the bus.
“Is that Mitch’s?” Harry asked after a moment, nodding toward the guitar.
“Yeah.” She brushed her thumb lightly over the strings. “He left it out earlier. Figured he wouldn’t mind.”
He leaned back in his chair, pushing the laptop back slightly. “He doesn’t. Just doesn’t usually let anyone play it.”
YN raised an eyebrow, glancing at him. “You saying I’m special?”
He huffed a quiet laugh, finally meeting her gaze. “Hardly.”
She rolled her eyes, her lips curving into a small, reluctant smile. “You’re such an ass.”
“Look in a mirror.” He smiled, echoing her words from days before, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table.
For a while, the silence returned, but it felt slightly less brittle this time. YN continued strumming, the quiet notes blending with the steady rhythm of the bus.
“You’re good.” Harry said eventually, his voice softer now.
YN looked at him, surprised by the unexpected compliment. “Don’t sound so shocked.”
He let out a breathy laugh through his nose, leaning back again. “Just noticing, petal.”
Her chest tightened at the word, but she quickly shoved the feeling aside, focusing on the guitar.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” She shrugged, her tone casual but laced with a challenge.
Harry tilted his head slightly, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. “That a compliment?”
“Don’t let it go to your head. It’s big enough.”
He chuckled, the sound low and warm, and for a brief moment, the tension between them eased.
But then her fingers stilled on the strings, her gaze drifting back to the window. The reflection of the two of them in the glass felt surreal, like something out of a dream she wasn’t sure she wanted to wake from.
“Why were you up last night?” she asked suddenly, her voice quieter now, almost hesitant.
Harry’s smirk faded, his expression shifting into something more guarded. “Didn’t feel like sleeping,”
“That’s not what I meant,” she countered, turning to face him fully. “You didn’t have to let me in. Could’ve just shut the door and gone back to bed.”
Harry didn’t respond right away. His gaze flickered to her hands, still resting lightly on the guitar, before meeting her eyes again. “Didn’t seem like you wanted to be alone.”
YN’s throat tightened, and she looked away, her fingers brushing over the strings again. “I didn’t ask for your help.”
“I know.” he said simply.
The quiet between them stretched, heavy and filled with things neither of them seemed willing to say.
YN strummed a few more notes, her movements slower now, more deliberate. She didn’t look at him, but she could feel his eyes on her, steady and unrelenting.
“Go to bed, Harry,” she sighed eventually, her voice soft but firm.
“Not tired, YN.” There was no edge to the words.
She sighed, leaning her head back against the window as her fingers stilled on the guitar. “You will be tomorrow.”
“Guess I’ll take my chances.”
She glanced at him, her chest tightening at the faint smile playing on his lips. She wanted to say something, wanted to break the strange tension hanging between them, but the words caught in her throat.
So she said nothing, letting the silence settle again as the bus rumbled on through the night.
September 30th, Boston
The air backstage at the Wang Theatre was thick with anticipation. YN sat in the corner of the green room, tuning her guitar for the third time in as many minutes. The hum of the crew preparing for the night buzzed through the walls, but her focus was pinned to the task in her hands. She needed something to do, anything to keep her from replaying the last few nights over and over in her head.
She tightened a string a little too hard, the sharp twang making her wince.
“You alright over there?” Mitch asked, glancing up from where he was adjusting his pedalboard.
“Fine,” she muttered, not looking up.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Harry glance her way, his expression unreadable. She forced herself to keep her focus on the guitar.
By the time the lights dimmed and the crowd erupted into cheers, YN was itching to get the show over with. The theatre was packed, the historic venue alive with energy, but it did nothing to ease the knot in her stomach.
The first few songs went smoothly enough, the band locking into their usual rhythm. Harry prowled the stage like he owned it—because he did—and the crowd hung on his every move.
But by the time they hit woman, things began to unravel.
It started small. A glance. A smirk.
Harry turned toward her as he sang, his voice dipping into the lyric like he was saying it directly to her.
The crowd screamed, oblivious to the sharp edge in his gaze. YN’s fingers faltered on the strings for a fraction of a second before she caught herself.
Her eyes snapped to his, narrowing, but he didn’t look away. Instead, his smirk deepened, daring her to react.
She refused to give him the satisfaction, pouring her frustration into her playing as the song built to its climax.
After the final note, the applause was deafening, the crowd on their feet as Harry grinned and wiped the sweat from his forehead. He turned to the audience, shouting his thanks into the mic, but YN didn’t hear a word.
She slipped offstage the second the lights dimmed, her guitar slung over her shoulder as she headed toward the green room. Her chest was tight, her pulse racing, and she needed a minute to cool down before she said something she’d regret.
But she didn’t get far.
“YN!”
Harry’s voice cut through the noise backstage, and she stopped dead in her tracks, her hands tightening on her guitar strap.
She turned slowly, her jaw clenched as she met his gaze.
Harry jogged the last few steps to catch up with her, his sequined jacket glittering under the faint overhead lights. “What the hell was that?”
She blinked at him, caught off guard. “What are you talking about?”
“On stage,” he said, gesturing vaguely behind him. “You were off.”
“I wasn’t off,” she shot back, her frustration bubbling to the surface.
“You missed a note in woman,” his voice was low and firm. “I heard it.”
YN’s jaw tightened, and she took a step closer, her voice dropping to match his. “Maybe if you stopped staring me down like a lunatic during every damn song, I wouldn’t miss anything.”
Harry’s lips twitched, but there was no humor in his expression. “You think that’s why?”
“Don’t start with me, Harry,” she warned, her hands gripping the strap of her guitar so tightly her knuckles turned white.
He stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “You’re the one starting something, YN. You’ve been looking for a fight all night.”
“Oh, I’m looking for a fight?” she snapped, her voice rising slightly. “That’s rich coming from the guy who can’t seem to decide whether he wants to piss me off or…”
She stopped herself just in time, the words catching in her throat.
Harry tilted his head, his gaze flicking over her face as a faint smirk curled at the corner of his mouth. “Or what?”
YN glared at him, her chest heaving as she struggled to keep her composure. “Forget it.” She spat, turning on her heel and heading for the green room.
Harry didn’t follow, but she could feel his eyes on her back, heavy and unrelenting, as she disappeared down the hallway.
Back in the green room, she slumped into a chair, her guitar resting against the wall beside her. She closed her eyes, letting out a slow breath as the adrenaline from the stage finally began to fade.
She didn’t know what pissed her off more—Harry’s constant needling, or the fact that he was right.
She’d been off tonight.
But only because of him.
-
The tour bus rumbled down the highway, the lights of Boston fading far behind them as the road stretched dark and endless ahead. The show at the Wang was barely two hours in the past, but it already felt like a weight YN couldn’t shake.
She sat in her bunk with the curtain pulled tightly shut, her knees tucked up to her chest and her notebook balanced precariously against them. Her pen hovered over the blank page, unmoving. She had opened it in an attempt to write something—anything—to push the tension out of her head, but her mind refused to cooperate.
Instead, it replayed the night in an endless loop: Harry’s sharp words backstage, the way his smirk twisted into something darker, the challenge in his eyes daring her to finish what she hadn’t meant to say.
Her chest tightened at the memory. She’d spent the rest of the night avoiding him—on stage, backstage, and now on the bus.
The thin curtain separating her from the rest of the bus didn’t do much to block out the low hum of conversation from the main area. Harry’s voice rose and fell in rhythm with Sarah’s and Mitch’s, casual and unbothered. He laughed at something Mitch said, the sound low and easy, and it made YN’s stomach twist.
How is he so unaffected?
Hours later, the bus quieted as everyone began retreating to their bunks. The lights dimmed, and the gentle sway of the vehicle as it sped down the highway turned the space into a cradle of silence.
Everyone except YN and Harry seemed to have no trouble falling asleep.
She could feel his presence even though they weren’t in the same part of the bus. He was out there, probably stretched out in one of the seats, scrolling on his phone or reading something. She hated that she knew his habits, hated that she’d memorized the way he fidgeted when he was restless, or the sound of his quiet sigh when he gave up on trying to distract himself.
She hated, most of all, that she cared.
She finally slid out of her bunk, her bare feet silent against the soft carpet as she padded toward the kitchenette. The small fridge buzzed faintly as she pulled it open, grabbing a bottle of water and leaning against the counter.
She tried to focus on the cold press of the bottle against her palm, the faint vibration of the road beneath her feet—anything but the sound of movement behind her.
Harry stepped into the kitchenette without looking at her. He opened one of the cabinets, pulling out a box of tea bags and tossing one onto the counter before reaching for the electric kettle.
YN didn’t say a word. She twisted the cap off her water and took a long sip, staring at the far wall as if it held the answer to whatever storm was brewing in her chest.
Harry didn’t seem to mind the silence. He filled the kettle, set it on the counter, and leaned back against the opposite side of the small space, his arms crossing over his chest.
The room felt smaller now, the air heavier.
YN turned to leave, but his voice stopped her.
“You’re quiet tonight.”
She froze, her back still to him.
“Not a bad thing,” he added casually. “Just different.”
Her grip on the water bottle tightened, her jaw clenching as she turned her head slightly. “Maybe I just don’t feel like talking.”
Harry let out a soft hum, not quite a laugh. “How long will that last?”
Her chest tightened as she walked away, slipping back into her bunk and yanking the curtain shut behind her. She sat in the dark, the sound of the kettle clicking off faint in the distance.
She hadn’t seen his face, but she knew he’d been smirking. She could feel it in the way his words lingered, curling around her thoughts like smoke.
And despite herself, she hated that it still mattered.
October 1st, Washington, D.C.
DAR Hall was completely sold out, shoulder to shoulder, elbow into ribs.
Clips from the show in Boston, among other shows, started to surface online with whispers and reposts. It was only a matter of time, the crowd wasn’t stupid—the tension between the two was obvious, it was just a matter of deciphering if it was real or not.
The consensus seemed to be split down the middle—they hated each other’s guts, or they were fucking behind closed doors.
YN wasn’t sure if Harry saw it, but she sure did. Her younger brother had texted her about it first, a series of spam texts at three in the morning asking for every detail.
She left him on read.
And now, here they stood in DC, before a sea of fans that seemed like they saw right through them, when YN herself didn’t even know what there was to see.
Luckily, and unfortunately, there were only a few signs that seemed to be about YN and Harry, no one on stage acknowledged them.
It was a sort of silent agreement that YN would stick to her one guitar during the entirety of the tour. But, when Mitch went to switch out for the acoustic, Harry had stopped him.
He pulled his ear piece out slightly, whispering something to the guitarist before stalking towards YN on the wings of the stage. With the ear piece out, he could hear how insanely loud the crowd was—he couldn’t help but send shocked smiles in their direction.
YN furrowed her eyebrows, her palm lying flat over the strings of the guitar as she pulled on her own ear piece. “What’s going on?”
He stood near her, his breath peppermint and flat sprite. “Switch out, you’re doing track seven.”
She narrowed her eyes, leaning her head in further.
Track seven on the setlist, meet me in the hallway. “What do you mean? You or Mitch play that.”
He smiled, bunny teeth and dimples. “Now you are.” He nodded toward her, shoving the ear piece back in and ambling back toward the mic that stood center stage.
She wasn’t nervous, more caught off guard. She knew how to play it, it was just being asked to play it. She pulled the strap from over her shoulders, walking back toward the rest of the band and setting the instrument in its place.
Mitch would approach with an easy smile, settling the acoustic strap over her frame while Harry continued to talk to the crowd. He adjusted it to her body, looking over the frets to make sure they were tuned for the song—they were. “You know it?”
She rested her fingers on the neck, nodding with a distant smile. “Back of my hand.” She breathed, earning a small nod from the other guitarist.
Her eyes squinted in the bright lights as she moved toward Harry, his smile still bright—as if nothing had been happening between them at all. He said something into the mic, his voice a buzz in the background to YN—all that made sense was the second glance he sent her, the look to start.
The fans simmered down, but not silent. She let out a breath, eyes scanning over the crowd then back to Harry. Her pick moved over the chords seamlessly, as if she played it this way for years.
His hands gripped the mic stand as he echoed out the first lines, his rings glinting in the golden light. His eyebrows would furrow, his lips would part—he was just music.
He was an asshole to her, he knew it. He hated it, and she hated how he was completely under her skin, threaded into her veins.
As they approached the chorus, they looked toward each other, a fleeting sideways glance. He nodded his head down, shifting slightly to the side to make room for her.
His voice boomed over hers, deeper and more emotional, but they mixed in harmony. Her voice was soft underneath his, lighter, only a backing vocal for the chorus.
The crowd erupted, and some sense settled over YN’s shoulders, the lyrics eerily familiar to them, to their situation.
Her tummy twisted, yet she played the cords harder, falling into the melody, his words, the reverberation of the crowd.
—Cause once you go without it, nothing else will do.
Nothing else will do.
#harry styles#harry styles blurb#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles imagine#harry styles one shot#harry styles writing#harry styles x reader#harry edward styles#harry styles concept#harry styles au#harry styles angst#harry styles smut#hs1
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How sweet, yes I indirectly do, so what? IF your best was ever a Snafender and became after reading the original hp books properly a Snater, then your best friend shall prove it. Otherwise I don't believe your friend.
Cause both blocked me now:
Your answer (the indented text) has shown me that you have never dealt intensively with "snafending", if at all.
Yknow-you can hate someone and still find them interesting at the same time
I do not hate. Hate is very strong, childish emotion. I dislike, f.e. Dumbledore to leave Harry blind for a whole year and forced Sev to kill him.
I am aware of what they bring to the story, they're very interesting and I'm glad they add what they do to the story-and I still hate em.
If ya hate them, you should hate Lupin, Black, Voldemort etc even more.
Snape bullied children.
You didn't read the link, sad.
He bullied Neville so much he became the kid's Boggart. Boggarts show a persons worst fear.
Then Hermione fears McGonagall.. you don't hate her, no? The boggart argument is no argument to allow yourself to hate Sev. If you use it, you should hate ALL the things/livings that became boggarts to the children in HP/that scene.
At the time a infamous killer was supposedly on the lose, and his worst fear was his teacher.
And Hermione's was McGonagall and Ron's was a spider and ...
He didn't care about anything else except for Lily-He called her a slur though. And people wonder why she ditched him.
I do not wonder about it. I dislike her, cause she was no true friend. She wanted to get rid of Sev after she no longer had any use for him.
He told Voldemort to kill James and Harry but not Lily. He told Voldemort to kill a newborn.
What? He didn't told Voldy this. Voldy told him, he will kill them all! You switch POVs here. How could Sev in his position beg for the child that is THE enemy of his Master? Voldy would have Avadad him immediately, the Potters after that and what story would we have had then? You never were a Snafender - otherwise you would not have come to such unlogical conclusion.
You're saying this like I don't acknowledge the good things he's done. Again since they were influential to the series I kinda have to. But to overlook all the bad? Yeah not happening. I've dealt with my fair share of emotionally abusive teachers for that to happen. I've dealt with my share of emotional abuse.
And to copy your own experience on Sev is correct? He is not your teacher and he never will! If he reminds you of your teacher, he helped you to see their abusive behavior and that helped you - I bet - to think it over. Their abusive behavior was their fault, never yours and I bet, they had their personal reasons too and those had nothing to do with you personally ... like Sev had - no trauma help, no education how to teach, no supportive love of his parents (as far as we know) and the wrong peer group (DE) - he had to fit in to stay a spy.
Harry did think it over and named his kid after Sev, and you think his parents wouldn't have allowed that? Why do you think Harry named his kid after Sev?
Cause all his "emotional abuse" was only Harry's POV. Seeing Sev's memories opened his eyes, seeing Sevs POV made it clear to Harry that Sev only had to be this way and could not become differently - he had to be the spy, to fulfill his promise, to keep Harry protected. If Sev would had been kind to Harry (THE enemy of DEs) - not emotional abusive - would he had been an accepted DE? No.
You're assuming quite a bit about me. I've read the Harry Potter books a dozen times over. There what got me into reading in the first place.
Read them again in 5 years and the link completely, please.
I am not a senseless hater. I am not senseless. I need reasons for my hate. I need proof. And I have it.
That's why I changed my outlook on him. You have proof to 'love', I have to 'hate'.
Your proof is no proof to me, cause it his based on Snaters POV not on neutral human POV.
Let's go on our separate ways. Where either you block me or I block you. Or you just get off my blog. Love with the people who love with you. Leave me be.
Ok. Sadly you decided over my head. I use an old trick now ... I am sorry, but I feel the need to do so.
I will use the anti snape tag. I'll still get interaction. I already have by fellow 'Snaters' I mean have you seen the likes and reblogs?
Oh really? No, didn't see it. I am sorry. Yeah some of us Snovers can be very ... rude.
I still don't believe you were once a Snafender and became a Snater after reading the books properly ... properly reading btw means that you read sth from a neutral -meta- POV. You have to accept ALL in the text at first without judging it (morally) and find out why it's written this way and not the other way. Most readers read a text from their personal POV. That's why we have many -mostly young- Snaters and still some Snafenders.
I hope you are alright and are old enough to not take this and the internet in common too personal.
I wish you all you need.
RIP James and Lily Potter you would've never let Harry name his kid 'Albus Severus' Potter
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So assuming that the reader is AMAB what if…Gawtin got prego with his pup 0^0
-🥤
A Family
Character: Gawtin (Female Yautja) X AMAB!Reader
Warnings: SMUT, breeding, dirty thoughts and words, praise, dom!reader, sub!Gawtin (For the most part), creampie, size difference, fluff.
Word Count: 4221
Summary: Qui'oky has grown up and passed his chiva with flying colors. This means, the once young child has become a full fledged hunter and goes off on his own. The house is now empty. Qui'oky was never your blood but you raised him like your child. Now... you are having thoughts of another child in the house.
Author Note: Okay, I might have gone off a little in a different direction. I guess my brain at the time really wanted smut. I might have to write a part two with the Gawtin actually pregnant and reader taking care of her. Oooooo, yesss!
Masterlist
Ao3
Gawtin’s youngest child, Qui’oky has finally left the nest to face the world. The dwelling for once has become quiet and calm all over again. A cycle that continued to happen over and over with each child born and brought into this world. Unlike this time, Gawtin has waited a lot long this time to even toy with the idea of having another child. It’s all because of her mate. Someone who wasn’t Yautja. A hybrid would be created.
In her clan, hybrids were severely frowned upon. Same with oomans. But, here were you. A little ooman surviving their way through a species that hunts for a living. And oomans weren’t off of the menu. You have made it this far though. Surpassing many that have speculated death would come to you quickly.
An artist? You wield pencils? Not even a knife to protect yourself? Many thought you as crazy. But when an outside male came to visit someone within and saw you. He had come up to you and tried to simply speak with you, a towering, lumbering female was behind him in an instant. Nothing shall harm her ooman, her mate. He may have meant no harm but Gawtin wasn’t going to take a single chance. She understood the fragility of oomans. Seen how easy they break under her hands from past experiences.
No one will ever harm you.
From that day on, everyone understood how you’ve survived so far. With a Yautja who’s protective of what’s hers. Everyone kept a wide berth from you, knowing if the offended you or the female, they could end up as a wall decorative. Not that you didn’t have your friends within the small clan of about fifty. But Gawtin kept you safe.
The quietness in the home was… haunting. No sharpening of blades, the constant chittering coming from Oky as he prepares for his chiva. He was nervous and excited at the same time. He would go on and on about all the scars he hopes to get. Or the trophies he wants to earn after he becomes an adult.
Now, with him gone off into the world, paving his own path… the house was still of life. You lounged in Gawtin’s lap on the couch. Besides her, there was no one else here. You were honestly sad about it. Heartbroken to see him leave. You were beyond proud for his win. He made it pass a challenging point in his life. Not the last one but still, he made it.
Gawtin rested with her eyes closed, softly napping away the daylight. The pencil and paper in your hand are forgotten about temporarily. She has one of her hands on your thigh. Said hand was nearly taking up the entirety of your skin. You tilted your head back to look at her resting form. She looked so peaceful like this.
Maybe after so long with a child in the house, she was enjoying the peace and quiet for once. The constant mothering can wear someone down. Gawtin deserves this rest.
But… what if there was another child running around?
Something ran down the length of your spine after the thought. Another little one to take care of. You missed helping and teaching Qui’oky. Now, with your ability to live longer thanks to Gawtin, you needed something else to fill the void in your heart.
What would Gawtin think? Her mother is strongly against you and your existence in her clan. How would that fare if a hybrid between a human and Yautja lived near her. You feared the repercussions and the unknowns of what Ma’tan-aih would do to the child. It’s not like you could even match her strength or intelligence if a fight occurred. But, you made Gawtin happy. That’s all that matters to you in the end. Not her mother’s approval or acknowledgment.
The pencil in your hand was slipped behind your ear. You pursed your lips and looked up at Gawtin’s lightly napping form. Those dirty thoughts wouldn’t leave your mind. To see her round with your child. Fuck, that did something to you that you didn’t even know was possible. You wanted to be there every moment to help her. You wanted to help her, soothe her aches, feed her, learn to hunt her favorite foods.
When you finally slipped out of your drowning thoughts, you notices a purple gaze on you. You gasped and darted your gaze to your forgotten sketch. Your hand empty of a pencil. As if you had taken a moment break and got caught.
Gawtin’s green hand reached up and tugged the pencil behind your ear free. The pencil was offered to your empty hand. “Forgetting something?” she rumbled with a slight, alien smirk to her features. You pressed your lips together. Caught red handed.
A nervous giggle fell from your lips. You bowed your head and shyly plucked the tool from her pinched fingers. “Oh… yeah, thanks.” Out of all the time you’ve been with her, you should’ve been able to even sense what she was about to do before she did it. Yet, you’ve grown accustomed to her movements and didn’t feel a need to be on high alert.
That same green hand pinched at your chin and turned your head to face her fully. “Care to explain what thoughts distract you, little one?” she questioned with a soft, gentle tone. Her voice slightly airy from her sleep addled brain. A well-deserved nap that is.
Heat brushed against your cheeks. You cleared your throat and tried to turn away. But, the hunk of muscle didn’t allow for that to happen. She made you face her and the embarrassment of airing your thoughts out.
Even when you tried to cast your gaze down to your lap, she jerk your head and grabbed your attention fully.
“Well… I had been just thinking. Just some wild thoughts. Like-like the ones that come out of nowhere. Just couldn’t help myself think of them, you know?” you blabbered to hopefully please the Yautja and move on. A shaky smile flashed your teeth at her.
She tilted her head towards you and gave you a look. A groan passed your lips. You threw your head back with a huff. “God, you know me too well, love. Fine, fine. You got me. I was just thinking…” you trailed off for a moment to collect your thoughts. “It’s been lonely, empty without Qui’oky in the house now. And, I don’t know about you, but I kind of wanna make it not so empty.” You pushed your shoulders up towards your ears while looking at her.
“You want to have a child with me?” Gawtin asked for clarification from you. Coming out like that made it seem dirty or wrong. Like that was just the sole purpose of being with her.
At first, you sputtered and stumbled over yourself. “What?! No, I just thought it would be nice. To have another little one running around.” She kept staring at you with those beautiful purple eyes that made you melt even after all the years with her. You sighed. “Yeah, I do. I can’t help it. I don’t know if being on this planet has final affected or whatnot. But I feel strong about seeing you pregnant. I-I’m sorry.” You felt wrong for these emotions. A dirty thought that should’ve stayed hidden in the depths of your mind till the day you died.
Her fingers tightened on your chin and tugged you a little closer to your face. “Why are you sorry for such a feeling? It is natural. Yautja or ooman,” she explained in a firm voice. Your cheeks heated more. Of course she would agree. This is normal in her culture, her society. Maybe that’ll explain these feelings.
The whole… breeding thing was one thing that separated the two societies completely. It’s part of their lifestyle. You go up to a woman you know somewhat and say that to her. Don’t be surprised if you get punched and pepper sprayed. For good reason.
And, yeah. You’ve been with Gawtin for many years now. You felt wrong for demeaning her in such a way. To only see her as a breeding machine. Gawtin was way more that. That thought never crossed your mind in all the time you’ve been with her. Maybe the simple idea of having a child with her but never such a need about… breeding her. You gnawed on your bottom lip and forced yourself to look away. Gawtin grunted and jerked your chin to force you to find her gaze all over again.
“Answer my question, little one,” she demanded and leaned in an inch closer. Her lumbering frame easily towered over your lax form. You felt yourself tense up a little with a minute whimper. But it’s not that you feared her. Far from it. She could never truly scare her. Your heart was held in her hands and you completely trusted her every step of the way.
A sigh escaped you. “I know it’s natural. At least for you guys. But for us, we don’t think that way outwardly. Yes, I would get questions from my parents when I would have children. This…” you trailed off and closed your eyes for only a moment. “These thoughts about -em, breeding you, isn’t normal for me. Not these strong thoughts about-“ you cut yourself off before anything fell from your lose lips.
Gawtin leaned even closer in, upper mandibles twitching. A gem-studded brow was raised. “Go on,” Gawtin urged and pinched your chin slightly tighter. You pushed your own brows together and looked at her. “Say it.”
Shit. She really wants you to admit your darkest secrets to her. Yet, you saw the dark flash in her eyes. That gave a small boost of confidence.
“I have strong thoughts about, about breeding you, love. I know you’re much bigger than me. I know I’m not as big as male Yautjas but fuck. I just want to be between those gorgeous legs of yours and leave every ounce of my cum inside of you.” The images were flashing between your eyelids with each blink. “I wanna see when it takes. I wanna see your belly grow, breasts fill with milk. All because of me.”
Once the first word fell from your lips, it came out like a waterfall. All you could do was imagine the way she looked underneath you. One of her legs hoisted on your shoulder, using it like an anchor point with each thrust into her. You bite hard at your lip and squirmed your hips when you felt your cock twitch. The thoughts turning your blood hot with fire and need.
A need for your mate to be heavy with your child.
Is this how male Yautjas feel? Has being on this planet for so long turned your brain into mush? You thought more like a Yautja rather than a human that you are.
It was impossible to deny the growing bulge of your loin cloth. Your blood flowing south.
The purple of Gawtin’s eyes darkened completely. Her hand swiftly switched to your throat and gripped it tightly, fingers touching at your spine. “Is that so?” she rasped out, mandibles twitching wildly. She could feel the way your throat bobbed with a swallow. Her grasp tightened a fraction, but you felt it.
“Yes.”
That came from the heart she holds in her hands. Your heartbeat started to increase. Your jaw slackened to take quicker breaths. She made you react like this. Years together and nothing has changed. You still will ravage her stunning, drop-dead gorgeous body like the first time you saw it. Actually, you probably are harder, rougher on her than the first time. Because, you know what she can take; you know what she likes, what she craves.
Growls from deep within her broad chest vibrated along your skin. Your breath stuttered. The bulge only growing more noticeable. Shit, the things she does to you.
But you wanted to be in control. Let her bask in the pleasure you give her as you breed her.
So, you grasp her wrist and pressed a pressure point on the inside of her wrist. A spot she taught you for protection. Her fingers slip off of your throat. You keep the pressure and use it to pin her arm to the back of the couch.
“And I’m going to do while you take what I give. I’ll do all the hard work. I’ll take care of you.” You were only getting harder, painfully behind the loin cloth that did nothing to hide your arousal. “Rub your ankles, your feet. Draw baths at anytime. I’ll learn to hunt. I’ll learn to be the best mate you could ever ask for. I want to take care of you. You just sit or lie there. I’ll do the rest.” Yet, you didn’t want to do it on the couch. You wanted to worship her body for the temple she is. “Will you let me?”
That there is the final question. If your mate will give up the control she loves so much. The reins she doesn’t mind holding onto, that she really enjoys having.
Now, you looked directly at her, eye level, while straddling her lap. The wrist you held onto twitched but otherwise, she let you have the limb. Even if you weren’t pressing down on the certain spot anymore.
Gawtin continued to look you in the eyes.
Then, she nodded.
Relief flooded you. Alongside lust. “Good.” The hold on her wrist was released onto the grasp her tress and tug on the sensitive organ. “Come. I want to make this moment memorable. I want to know our child was created in the comfort of our bed.”
She had all the power to take control, to push you off, to rip your hand off of her tress. Yet, Gawtin allowed for you to pull her along and follow your eager form into the bedroom. You led her to the bed and gave a small tug on the tress. Gawtin got onto the bed and laid down, legs spread.
Before you climbed on after her, you stopped to admired the sight you cherished every time. She may not be naked, but she was beautiful, nevertheless. You loved her more than she would ever know. That it hurts your heart that much.
You gingerly followed her and knelt between her open, inviting legs. “Look at you, my dear.” Both of your hands went to the inside of her knees and ran down the softer scales on the inside. “I fucking love you so much, love.” Until you reached close to the apex of her thighs. Where she needed you most. Where you needed to be the most. “I can’t wait to see you pregnant with our child. I’ll take such good care of you.”
“There won’t be a thing you’ll want. You’ll have everything.” You skipped over her groin and ran your palms up her stomach until you reached about her midriff. The farthest you could reach without tipping over. One arm was planted at her side while the other continued the path up towards her chest coverings. “I promise with everything I’m made up of.”
The tie on the front was easily undone. Her breasts spilled out from the confines. For Yautjas, their breasts weren’t large unless they were breastfeeding. But fuck, she filled your hands more than enough.
With two fingers, you tweak a nipple. The rise of her chest sputtered. The Yautja’s eyes fluttered lightly and looked at you from under hooded eyes. You leaned down all while making eye contact the whole way and sucked the other nipple into your awaiting mouth.
Soft pressure and licks over the bud had it grow to a peak. Her mandibles tightened over her features. You realized it with a pop and dragged your bottom teeth over the ridge. A gasp tore from her throat that turned into a low whine. Your face scrunched together as you fought off your baser instincts to just ravage her.
That is the one thing that splits you from her species. You will always do foreplay, no matter how horny or pent up either of you are. Her comfort is at the peak of your concerns.
“And the noises you make, my dear.” You switched to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment. Never did your eyes leave hers. “They drive me absolutely crazy. That I know I do those things to you. I drive you wild with my touches. Now with the knowledge of what my intent is.” Your bottom teeth crazed over the bud as well.
Both tips were wettened. You puckered your lips and lightly blew cool air over each one. Gawtin’s claws dug into the sheets. Her thighs clenched around your waist and trapped you to her. You had sat up on your knees and used all of your strength to open up her legs.
“Nuh-uh. You don’t get to hide away from me.” The tips of your nails ran down from the underside of her breast until her hips. The loose piece of fabric that hangs on the front was brushed away. You leaned down, unfortunately breaking eye contact.
Only one piece of clothing blocked you from seeing her fully. The fabric was damp. Her arousal was thick in the air, being this close to her. It made you dizzy with need. You were swift to pull the clothing off of her and tossing it somewhere in the room. Then, you slowed back down when you finally reach the prize.
Moss green blending into pink folds slickened with arousal. You couldn’t help you reaching down and adjusting yourself in your pants. The ache was growing to a point of pain. You had to distract yourself before the line made you different from Yautjas blurred.
One of her hands slipped down to rest at the edge of her belly. Her fingers twitched towards you, desperate for control. You lifted up your head and gave a stern look at her. The Yautja whined with a huff and let her hand slip back down onto the bed. “Good girl,” you praised then lowered yourself back down to the prize at hand.
You forced yourself to got at a slow approach and tentatively lick a stripe along her three clitorises’. They formed triangle at the apex of her sex. All of them could grow nearly four inches long. Once you reached the top one, you wrapped your mouth around it and sucked.
Gawtin’s back rises off of the bed with a keen that pierced the air. Your arms hooked around her thighs and pulled yourself as close as possible to her. The smell, the taste of her had you dazed, feeling only a need for her. She was going to be the mother of your child. The two of you. You couldn’t help you grinding your hips down on a fur blanket. The friction could be felt along your leaking, clothed shaft.
“I know, baby. I know. I’m gonna make you feel so good,” you cooed to her after pulling off. The nub hardening and growing longer. You licked a stripe between her ribbed folds, trying to hit all the small lumps. Bumps that all gave her pleasure. “Fuck, you taste so good.” You pressed your face hard into her sex and dug your tongue as deep as possible.
The taste of her exploded on your tongue with each lick. You whined when no more greeted your tastebuds. You were forced to peel off of her and sit up.
A heat of passion throbbed in your groin. Your hands scrambled to take off the cloth, nearly ripping the fabric off. “I-I can’t take it. I need you, love. Fuck, I’m only human. I can’t fucking take it!” You had broken. It was impossible to resist her. You could never say no to her. Not when she tastes so good, feels like heaven, and sounds like a siren’s call.
When your pants were removed, you cock slapped against your stomach. The tip flushed with blood and dribbling pre-cum. You shuffled on your knees as close as possible to her and lined it up. One look into her eyes was all you needs. The entire length was thrusted into her. Your hips slapping against her hips with an obscene noise.
Pants quickened your breath. Your hands instantly went to her hips and gripped the flesh tightly. “Fuck me. Goddamnit. You… god, you feel so good.” A second was barely given to the green Yautja as you pulled your hips back and thrusted forward again. “I’m going to breed you, love. I’m gonna fill you up with my seed over and over again. I don’t care how long it takes. I want you fucking pregnant!”
Thoughts you’ve been holding onto for so long exploded to the surface. These ideas long buried and hidden. But today, today was the day they were exposed for her ears to hear.
Your hips jackhammered into her, angling them just at the right point for your tip strike a spot deep in her. “You’re mine, Gawtin. Mine only. I-I’ll show everyone. I’ll show your asshole mom you’re my mate!” Everything about her you wanted to have. You had her heart the same way she has yours. You would kill anyone for trying to take her away from you. She’s yours.
The way she squeezed you, the tightness of her muscles made you see stars. Both of your hands stayed on her hips, needing purchase for how forceful your thrusts were. Your eyes were clenched shut, deep in focus. All the thoughts were running wild, claws to the surface. Each one pouring from your lips as if you were drunken.
Maybe you were. Drunken on the feel of how tight she throbbed around you. Drunken on the juices that coated your tastebuds. Drunken on the noises she makes for you when you are pounding away at her. A feeling you’ve never have nor will get used to.
Underneath you, Gawtin keened but never took her eyes off of you. They were heavily hooded over, the purple of them made them look black. You gritted your teeth. One of your hands leaves her hip to find the three clits at the apex of her sex. Your thumb finds the biggest of them and starts to rub over him. She responded by arching her back off of the bed and gripped the sheets.
“Good, good girl. I love my good girl,” you growled and made your thrusts even harder, trying to get as deep as possible in her. Dull nails dug into her hip, using it as an anchor point for yourself. “Shit, baby. You… I’m going to fill you. Okay? You want that?”
The warmth in the pit of your stomach was growing more and more. It drove you wild. Any cognitive thought was thrown out of the window. You leaned down further, curling your spine.
Gawtin rapidly nodded her head, eyes finding yours in the heat of the moment. “Good.” Your thumb pressed down hard and alit a sharp cry from the beautiful woman. Her walls clamped down hard around your throbbing length moving in and out of her. You gasped sharply, eyes flying open. Both hands were on her hips now as you shoved yourself as deep as possible.
The band in you snapped. Spurt after spurt of thick cum painting her insides. You growled, hips jerking after each new pulse of her muscles. “Mine. My woman. My mate.” You filled her as humanly possible, marking her all over again, hoping for the seed to take this time. Just the thought of her pregnant again had you shuddering in.
You unstick your nails from her hips and placed them on either side of her. Gawtin’s eyes gazed at you softly from underneath her hooded eyelids. You couldn’t help the smile that followed afterwards. “I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again: I love you, Gawtin. So much.”
She growled deep from her chest. In a flash, the two of switch positions, faster than you could’ve realized. You yelped and stared wide-eyed up at her, jaw slightly slackened. When you attempted to squirm from underneath her, she placed a massive palm on your chest. Only a fraction of her weight was needed to keep you in place. Your cock had slipped out of her, coated in both of your combined essences.
Then, the giant leaned down and nuzzled into the crook of your neck. That same place where she marked you all those years ago.
“And I will always give you my heart, bare my soul, and protect you with everything I have, little one.” Despite your softening cock, blood swarmed south in your body all over again. There was something about her that drove you absolutely wild.
You grinned up at her. “Then, let’s make sure my seed takes, love.” Her gaze darkened all over again. She grasped your hardening cock and lined it up. Without breaking eye contact, the moss green Yautja sunk all the way down to the hilt.
Human or not, you gave it your all to fulfill both of your wishes.
#yautja#predator#yautja x reader#yautja x you#alien vs predator#predator x reader#yautja x human#predator x you#predator x human#x reader
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Stuck Together (TF Prime Knock Out)
pairing - Knock Out x F!Reader
summary - just a few short scenarios between you and the mad doctor if the Autobots got stuck on the Nemesis with the Decepticons
warnings - none
a/n - just some thoughts i had, not enough works for this bot, who happens to be my favourite after Bumblebee
The situation between Autobots and Decepticons had never been more awkward or uncomfortable. Stuck in the same location, forced to get along to avoid complete destruction of the Decepticon ship. Tensions were at an all-time high with both sides being in such close proximity but unable to do anything.
You couldn't bring yourself to care much, not when you were occupying the same space as a certain Decepticon doctor.
"Again, Starscream? What is it this time?" The mad doctor spoke without looking up or turning around, too engrossed in buffing his own arm to notice it was actually you.
"I always wondered if his footsteps sounded the same as a femme's, with those heels he calls peds," you mused.
This made Knock Out turn, "Oh, it's you." He sounded rather excited, his disinterest from just now being replaced. "Don't tell me you got into another fight."
"Okay, I won't," you shrugged and sat on his operating table.
The red mech sighed, "May I ask why is it that you came to me? Your medic is also on board."
"Ratchet doesn't like to be bothered while he's working," you told him. "And he's already on edge just being here. But I suppose you wouldn't want to attend to an Autobot, right? I'll just leave."
"No, wait!" He quickly stopped you, "I mean, usually no. But I can make an exception for you."
"Oh?" You raised an eyebrow. "That's flattering."
"So what was it this time?" He asked you as he tended to your very small (he noticed) dent.
You groaned, "I swear, your fellow cons act like they've never seen a femme before. I know you guys have only Airachnid, but that's no excuse to try and get touchy with me."
"I see."
The doctor hid it well, but he was burning with both anger and jealousy. How dare the vehicons attempt to put their servos on you in any way, even if you were an Autobot?
"It wouldn't be such a problem if it was you, however."
The Deception froze at those words, then looked at you, "You want me to harass you?"
"Don't say it like that!" Your faceplates burned. "I just meant...I wouldn't mind if you were the one taking an interest in me." You looked away. "I should go."
"Do I get to say what I think about that?" He drawled, his usual smirk plastered to his face.
"Uh-"
He suddenly came in very close, his face mere inches from yours. His blood-red optics flickered from your bright blue ones to your lips, and the desire in them was unmistakeable.
"I think you underestimate just how interested I am in you."
And then he was kissing you.
Because Cybertronians don't need to breathe, this continued for a while. You ended up kissing for what felt like hours, until someone else walked into the cons' medbay needing assistance.
"Knock Out, I-"
You both jumped apart, turning to see an astonished Starscream standing there staring at you with wide optics.
Before any of you could say anything, you tripped Knock Out, shoved Starscream aside and ran off. That seemed like the most logical thing to do at the time, to eliminate suspicion.
"What was that?"
"What is it you want now, Starscream?" The doctor asked, returning to being disinterested.
"Did you just-"
"I'm quite busy you know, get on with it."
"I-"
And the red Decepticon continued to gaslight the second-in-command into believing that nothing had happened.
-
"What is this?"
Knock Out looked up as you examined one of his tools, a small smirk forming on his lips as he watched you. Though he would never admit it out loud, he found your intrigue...adorable.
"That would be an isoprobe."
"I...don't know what that is," you laughed and set it back down, with surprising gentleness. "I assume it's important."
"Mhm," his optics continued to watch as you navigated his lab, pride swelling in his chassis as he observed your fascination with everything in it.
He initially thought he could overcome his little crush on you. Never had he been so wrong, because despite being an Autobot he was starting to feel like you were the other half of his spark. His sparkmate.
You noticed his gaze, and quickly stopped touching things, "I'm sorry, just curious. Ratchet doesn't allow us near any of his things."
"No, by all means continue," the mad doctor encouraged you, "I quite like seeing an inquisitive mind wandering around my lab. Especially one so pretty. Makes working here easier."
Your faceplates burned, "Oh...Well in that case..." You walked over to him, "Mind telling me what you're doing, doctor?"
He shivered. Having you this close to him with you calling him that was really not helping his attraction to you. It was, in fact, inspiring him to think other, less appropriate thoughts, as well as imagine you pressed against him, holding him as he worked.
"I...seem to have forgotten."
You laughed a little bit, "May I suggest something else then?"
He nodded, and you closed the distance. Once again, you were kissing the Decepticon medic, hands on his shoulders while his found your waist.
You were starting to like this forced closeness.
-
"Why, you-!"
"What's going on here?"
You walked into the Decepticon med bay slash lab to see Knock Out and Smokescreen right up in each other's faces, each yelling insults or mocking the other.
"How dare you?!"
They did, however, stop and turn their helms when you walked into the room, Knock Out's optics going wide.
Then, like sparklings, they pointed at each other.
"He started it!"
You groaned and face-palmed, "I don't care who started it, just stop it. We don't need any unnecessary fights you two. Now step away from each other."
To your satisfaction, they obeyed.
"Smokescreen, I think Optimus wanted to speak to you anyway," you told the Autobot mech, who was gone in a flash after that.
"He scratched my paint!" Knock Out protested.
"I don't want to hear it," you sighed and grabbed his buffer, moving over to helo him with his grievance. This wasn't anything new with him, so you got used to doing it for him in the short time that you had been here. "What did you say to him?"
"I didn't say anything," the con medic lied.
You rolled your optics, "Knock Out."
"Fine! I told him his vehicular form is uglier than mine."
"...Mechs," you sighed.
Knock Out calmed down a little after that, watching you tend to his scratch. He had no idea, but the adoration held in them was so obvious it made you flustered.
"Stop staring at me with those creepy optics."
"Hey! You said they were pretty!"
"You're right. They ARE pretty. Your face is the problem."
He knew you were teasing him, and he quite liked the fact that you were making an effort to make him smile or laugh. No one else had ever done that for him, much less be nice to him. He didn't ever receive a thank you or a compliment, but while you'd been here you'd given him all of that and more.
"You like my face, admit it."
"I do, I really do."
-
"(Name)? What are you doing still awake?"
Knock Out couldn't keep the concern out of his voice, his optics scanning your clearly exhausted form. It looked like you hadn't powered down in days.
"I couldn't sleep," you admitted. "Too jumpy."
"Even with Optimus Prime by your side?" He asked, surprised.
"Yeah. They put us in another room to power down. Still, I can't help but worry about them. I have to stay awake."
Knock Out frowned deeply. It troubled you to be on this ship so much that you couldn't even power down peacefully? Megatron himself had ensured no conflict, due to the threat of the Nemesis being destroyed, but you still worried.
"Why don't you power down with me, then?" He suggested. "I was just about to finish for the night. And your friends will be okay."
"Are you sure?" You mumbled, tired beyond measure. "I don't want to bother you."
"Come here, sweetspark," he cooed, pulling you against him. "I've told you before, you're never a bother to me. So stop worrying and power down with me."
"Okay," you smiled tiredly. "I love you."
The Decepticon medic froze in his movements, his arms around you tightening. He couldn't believe the words that had left your mouth, and tried to convince himself you were too tired to know what you were saying. It wasn't real. You didn't mean it.
"Knock Out?* You frowned. "You don't feel the same way?"
"N-no! I mean yes!" He panicked. "Yes I do, sweetspark. I always have. But you're exhausted, let's get you some rest and we can talk in the morning okay?"
"Okay."
The two of you lay down on his berth and you cuddled up to him, burying your face in his neck cables. You powered down before he did, finally at ease and comfortable in his arms, while he stayed awake to ponder your words.
Did you really mean it?
#transformers prime#tf prime#tfp#tfp x reader#tfp x you#knock out x reader#knock out x you#knock out#transformers prime knock out
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Ghostfuckers watch party aftercare was spent philosophizing lore theories on my couch like ancient greek philosophers, and produced one of my favorite plot theories yet.
The Theory:
The Barbie and Blitz falling out was because Barbie and the Sin of Sloth, Belphegor, were in a toxic relationship with a hefty power imbalance, wherein Belphegor had gotten Barbie hooked on drugs and was (or at least Blitz perceived her to be) toying with Barbie for entertainment. Blitz stepped in to defend/protect Barbie, and Belphegor broke off the relationship, because it wasn't worth the drama. Barbie, who wasn't ready to acknowledge how bad the relationship was, blames Blitz for ruining her life.
The way Blitz saw his own relationship with Stolas was warped by having witnessed Barbie's deeply unhealthy relationship with a Sin who saw her as less than. In an attempt to not fall prey to the same situation he witnessed, Blitz assumed that Stolas saw him how Belphegor saw Barbie.
---
NOTE: this post was made in 11/2024, after Ghostfuckers and before Mastermind
(Evidence below the cut so this post isn't bonkers long like all my other meta posts:)
The Evidence:
Royals:
In their fight during Full Moon, Blitz yells "You royal fucks think you can do this every time!" ("Like you can just play with our feelings because we're smaller and not as important!") at Stolas, but we have no context for what other "royal" he's referencing. The only other Goetia we know Blitz has interacted with (more than tossing out a one-liner at Stella and bolting) was Stolas' father (extremely briefly, over 20 years ago), and Octavia, and it seems like a stretch to believe this could be referencing either of them. Conclusion: Blitz is referencing an experience that we, the audience, don't know about yet. This experience involved someone he considers "a royal", and we most likely haven't encountered them yet on screen.
In Oops Blitz refers to Ozzie as Fizz's "big royal chicken," and in Mammon's Special Blitz refers to him as "royal big man." Conclusion: Sins count as "royal" to Blitz, so the royal referenced in Full Moon could be one of the Sins.
In Oops, Blitz's lines about relationships between a royal and a member of "the lower class" ("I'm sure your big royal chicken ain't gonna let anything happen to his peppy lil fuck doll," and "Stolas only cares about having a rugged peasant raw-dog him into his mattress. […] It's nothing else. […] Stolas […] loves feeling the thrill of getting dicked by the lower class. It's a novelty to him") are startling, given what the audience has seen of Blitz and Stolas' relationship. There are clear ELEMENTS of class difference, but Blitz's vehemence seems excessive. That is, unless he's projecting a past experience onto this situation.
If Blitz were referencing a Goetia, it seems odd that we haven't heard anything about his experience with Goetia from his past. He refers to Stolas as "THE bird." It's possible, but seems unlikely to me.
If Blitz is referencing a Sin, there's only 7 options. Ozzie, Bee, Mammon, and Lucifer all seem off the table for different reasons (the first three because we've seen his interactions with them, and they didn't seem loaded in this way; Lucifer because, well, Amazon owns the rights to Lucifer and I think it would be tough to explore this in the way I think this show wants to without the relevant character making an appearance). Satan seems unlikely, given that Blitz uses his name very casually as a swear, and has never reacted to it being said in any noticeable way. This leaves Leviathan and Belphegor as the top suspects for who Blitz could have been referencing/has a history with.
However, IF Blitz has a personal history with another royal, such as has an ex or an ex boss, who has had such a dramatic impact on his expectations and worldview, why has that person not shown up in either of his hallucination sequences (depicting first "truth bombs" Blitz had been avoiding facing, in Truth Seekers, then his insecurities in Ghostfuckers)? I think the most likely explanation is that this royal who he witnessed playing with an imp's feelings was not actually playing with BLITZ. He was deeply affected by witnessing someone ELSE experience a dynamic that he has now projected onto his relationship with Stolas.
Barbie and Blitz:
It would be redundant to rehash the fire with Barbie after doing so with Fizz. It seems like tired storytelling to have her issues with Blitz be the same as Fizz's were, even with a side of "You killed our mom!" baked in.
If Blitz's self loathing and sense that he ruins the lives of everyone around him were only/mostly sourced to the fire, they wouldn't be so compounded. In order to feel the way he does, he has been blamed for "ruining the lives" of his loved ones repeatedly, not just by multiple people at one time for one event.
In Unhappy Campers Barbie defaults to calling Blitz "Blitz" without the O, and only uses the O later when she's trying to be mean. This implies that she had a relationship with Blitz AFTER he decided to change his name (after the fire), and knows him AS Blitz, and therefore that their falling out was about something that happened later.
In Unhappy Campers, she says "Haven't you fucked up my life enough already?" which feels more pointed than just being about the loss of their mother.
The forehead marks that most members of the Circus had seem to be difficult to get rid of (Fizz's was unaffected by the burn, and he covers his to this day rather than getting rid of it somehow). This could simply be a tattoo, or it could be because they're magical in some way. If they are, for example, a symbol of the Circus having been owned/run by one of the Sins, it would be notable that Barbie appears to be the only person who has successfully affected hers, and that she's done so by having it crossed out with little hearts above and below it. Possibly only a sin has the power to overwrite whatever those marks are, and if so, the little hearts might be a sign of the type of relationship she had with that Sin. (This point is a little dubious, since the poster of them working together appears to be BEFORE the fire, as Blitz doesn't have his scars yes, but AFTER she's crossed out her mark already. This could just be an inconsistency from an early episode, could mean this detail is unrelated, could be a point against my theory, or it COULD imply that the relationship with Belphegor started quite early.)
Drugs:
Almost all references to drugs in the show are sourced through Belphegor. Bee references "Belphegor's party drugs," The hospitals are in the Sloth ring, and Stolas' happy pills are from Belphegor (her name's right on the label). On Blitz's phone, there's 7 apps themed after the 7 Sins, and the Sloth one (Belphegor) is called "Sleepy Pillz".
"H8", the drug Blitz was afraid that Barbie was back on, and therefore probably what she went to rehab to get off of, is an irl opioid that is multiple times stronger than morphine. This would make a lot of sense as being a drug one could acquire from the Sin of Sloth, who is in charge of the ring of Hell where all the hospitals are.
Barbie being in rehab means either BLITZ is paying for her rehab, or that someone else is paying (seems unlikely as we aren't given the impression she has a support network at this point), or that Belphegor herself simply approved the expense.
Other details:
Belphegor is a woman and Barbie was depicted in pride month merch with the pan flag colors, so Barbie being in a romantic/sexual relationship with a woman is viable.
In the 11/12/24 holiday merch drop, in the main set of matching art pieces (used for clothes and mugs), Barbie was the ONLY one with candles in her theming. The baphomets (the demon species from Belphegor's domain) have candles on their foreheads, and the dubiously canon placeholder official art we've seen of Belphegor also has a candle on her forehead. Merch art doesn't necessarily mean anything, and should not be considered canon (nor should the placeholder art), but it COULD be a subtle nod to plot events to come. This is not actually evidence. Unless?
We are getting, so far, two Sins introduced per season-- Ozzie and Bee in s1, Mammon and Satan in s2, which leaves Leviathan and Belphegor for s3. Vivzie has said that we ARE getting more Barbie Wire in the show, but not until later in season 3, which COULD align Barbie's reintroduction into the story with Belphegor's introduction.
---
This isn't a headcanon, but rather a possible direction I think the show could go, which would have been subtly foreshadowed if it does go in this direction.
#helluva boss meta#helluva boss#helluva boss theory#helluva boss analysis#barbie wire#helluva boss belphegor#blitzø#blitzø buckzo#vivzieverse#vivziepop#stolitz#hp#spoilers
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MHA epilogue spoilers 3 2 1
Mandatory internet Disclaimer I love most of the izuocha shippers and every ship has good and bad shippers etc
Second mandatory disclaimer I honestly believe the leaks could potentially be fake! but for the sake of assuming they’re not fake cause we don’t rly know…
I’ve already seen izuocha shippers claiming that the ending isn’t demeaning to any characters and doesn’t unravel their development at all and to this I say: I beg you to learn media literacy. You’re allowed to be happy your ship became canon! But to deny it became canon at the expense of all four of their characters is rich.
Reducing the main female character to just be the love interest in the very final moments of the series (when none of the rest of the series explicitly focused on much romantic love) can only take away from her character, not add to it. Whatever happened to her main arc? Learning to see the good in others and wanting to learn what makes himiko tick whilst letting go of the desires that were holding her back and confining her (aka her crush on deku), only to turn around in the last moments we see her to come crawling back to Deku with toga on the forefront of her mind.
Himiko dying for this woman, learning what it means to be understood and to be loved for who she truly is, only to be reduced to the motivating factor in Ochako’s relationship. Her memory is used to further Ochakos ambition to…go out with a man? We could have spent the final moments of the manga seeing how himiko inspired Ochako to help young kids be understood and gain control of their quirks!! Wasn’t that what she was doing in her honor and memory in the last chapter? Why not focus on that?
Once again, we see strong and competent women reduced to nothing but play pieces for the male characters in their final moments. You can say all you want how Ochako deserves to have a happy romantic relationship, regardless of gender, and she does, but no matter what this will take away from her character. This will be the first thing on peoples mind after finishing the series. The aftertaste left in their mouth. In their final moments, these women are used as romantic options for men. Himiko is not remembered as the martyr of a story about privilege and humanity, but instead as the mournful embodiment of the survivors guilt holding Ochako back.
As for the boys, this 100% reduced their characters as well. Izuku’s hero is Ochako? What did she do for him directly? Of course she’s heroic, but what did she do for him? Her most heroic moment was not when deku was even there to witness, it was a private moment between her and himiko so *why* is she his hero? What happened to all the reasons katsuki is his hero? Is he just chopped liver now? The beautiful parallels and hundreds of chapters set up to revolve around these two and instead in the end we focus on…something else? It’s kinda like how monoma is so prominent during the final battle as well as number ten on the rankings? He’s cool and all but why? Why him out of everyone? The focus is not where it should be.
And Katsuki’s whole motif with the hands and reaching out to Deku, finally being the one to reach out first in the final chapter, only for Deku to take someone else’s hand in the epilogue. Like. Come on. Now we don’t have the full epilogue yet, and rukasu & Ever (via twitter) said that there will be a scene where Baku and deku talk with each other, but going based on the full page leaks we have, is it not wild to u guys that the stories own deuteragonist gets less time in the epilogue than MULTIPLE side characters?? As much as I adore shoto, [he’s one of my top five mha characters (as is uraraka!)], Katsuki comes before both of them in terms of narrative importance. He is our deuteragonist, yet I see less of him in the leaks than monoma 😭
I could go on but like. I’m glad izuocha shippers can be happy, I truly am. But before any of you go around claiming it was a good way to make them canon, take some time to really understand the characters and what this kind of ending is saying about them.
Cause this isn’t the ending they deserve
#bakudeku#bkdk#reluctantly tags this izuocha#I haven’t looked at the izuocha tags am I gonna get flamed guys LMAO#this is called an opinion btw!! everyone please I’m just a guy!! at the end of the day it’s just a show!#okay I’m gonna go hide in my bunker away from the war#izuocha#mha#bnha#my hero academia spoilers#my hero academia#mha leaks
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a list of songs from arcane, in mostly chronological order, that are - to some degree - icarus coded or like. in that ballpark.
- Playground is . s1 ominous Bane. something about their base being underground something about the taunting something about leading people there something something
- Goodbye . I dunno . Something about prison duo during the cathedral something about broters after the cathedral and when they were kids something something
- Guns for Hire. Midas coded midas coded midas coded. Something about the loss of control Something about walls falling (like the Worldport) Something about being out of time and all of that and not being able to turn back and Something about icarus becoming midas' unintentional plaything and-
- Snakes is s1!prison duo. thank you for coming to my tedtalk
- What could have been. I've been saying this since the beginning that this song is icarus coded. Something about becoming something because of someone else, parts getting replaced and leaving other parts that don't quite fit together something about icarus' anger at midas something about how they coulve been good and alright is midas has more control and they didn't (however unintentionally) do what they did. "Why don't you love who I am?" Is both about midas and fable because like . yeah. "I am your ghost" because they're versions of each other and-
- Heavy is the Crown. Something about being a prince and having all this weight thrust on you and something about having this weight of needed to be what Fable wants. Also icarus would scream sing this and in this essay I will- (also something about everyone else assuming the worst once they sided with Fable. Something about how "if they want me to be the villain ill be the villain")
- To ashes and blood is . oh icarus morningstar . something about burning every bridge and killing everyone they can because they need to be good and make it through to the end of this (even when they won't)
- Remember me. Something about becoming quixis and everyone forgetting and something about icarus not wanting that to happen. (But also something about Icarus losing themself when they sided with Fable and something about how they couldn't even remember themself and something about how they needed other people there (who weren't) to remind them of who they were and-)
- What have they done to us is . s3!prison duo. heart . <3 ("you're not real and I can't pretend" it's like that thing they did in tearing it down its like that thing guys it's like that thing-)
- Spin the wheel has violet vibes to me, honestly. Violet feels very comforting and calm to me and I cannot accurately articulate why specifically this song is coded to him but. Also! Ember said it was wheel not fake when I threw it at him and I have to agree here. Something about a break between it all. And for the gut punch (/hj) dare I say the drinking stream-
- Ma Meilleure Ennemie is . prison duo. that's it. they were enemies but also they're gay and also they're sad and tragic and-
- The Line !! Something about the finale something about how the portal is slowly killing them and something about how it kills them worse after Fable dies and something about how this is where they die and end and how they don't want anyone to know and. "Keep the memories of who I was before" like before Fable came and they became so desperate for his love and- mmmm. "Did I disappoint you?" Something about icarus' fear of failure and how it's just. constantly there. "Will they still let me over if I cross the line?" Something about how they didn't know how people would react after they killed Fable, something about how everything they'd done to that point had been crossing the line (something about how they only ever wanted Centross back) "sure there's nothing left to try" you know . the wack. and how they tried everything with momboo. and how it never worked. and how it's not gonna work for them.
- Wasteland . oh its so finale icarus coded. Something about how they've tried so hard for the past 5 months of their life to just survive (and how the fact they had to do that is all their fault) and how they did and they're okay with death now because at least centross is alive and at least everyone else will be okay eventually and they'll all get to survive and icarus won't be there as a stain and how they're going to die anyway and how they might as well do it themself (and how they don't want to face it because they want Centross back and they just . Can't have that) and "if it weren't for you I'd be here all alone" something about how centross kept them from being alone for so much of their time in the resets and . "I know in my heart this is where we belong" like literally ic talking to Rae before they jumped in the hole- "Don't let me go" something about how even if death woule be better for them they don't want to go and they just want more time with centross and as quixis they don't want anyone to forget them and-
yeah anyway . music thoughts go brrr
#real insight into how i analyze songs on a whim-#icarus morningstar#sherbertquake56#fable smp#fsmp#a tag to help find my own posts
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hug and soul string tugs .3
dc masterlist
Dick Grayson x reader romantic Jason Todd x reader romantic
Dick Grayson x Jason platonic Tim Drake x reader platonic
Summary: Damian gets in on the soulmate circle, he's not a fan
warnings: blood, conon typ' violence, rejection, soul sickness (soulmates au ) angst, unedited,
A/N: I do not own dc
Tim had been sharing a bed with Y/n and Dick without issue but Jason insisted on sleeping on the couch they'd added to the room. He was still close enough the bond didn't ache but it still wasn't helping either. Tim having never been bonded was a wreck. Bouts of panic from having people close to him all the time, fully dissociating when he simply couldn't process all the emotions. He seemed to feel things almost as deeply as y/d did, getting the brunt of all the others emotions on top of his own. They couldn't figure out why, assuming it had to do with three bonds being formed instantaneously and his soul was just struggling to make sense of it all. He spent some nights in between the others a content smile on his face, laughing and talking like it was nothing. Other nights he would cling to the edge of the bed closest to where Jason slept, silently crying himself to sleep. It was annoying, feeling so deeply for his would be murderer, but no matter how much he fought it his soul called out to Jay's, begging for his brother's affection.
Jay for his part outwardly appeared fine. No bags under his eyes, and never a hitch in his step, to anyone else he appeared content. But Tim and y/n could feel it, maybe more than Jason even realized. He was struggling with the constant change. Sharing his soul mate and the guilt from causing her pain.
Dick was ok, he was sad and upset that Jason seemed to be keeping his distance but he understood. And the sheer joy he felt from being connected to several people he loved far outweighed any sadness. When he woke up from a nightmare about not being able to save someone or hands on him he didn't want there was always two people with unconditional and easily shown love and one with still unconditional but less easy to show love to sooth him.
The problem came a few weeks after Tim joined their little group. Y/n's soul sickness had gone away when the new bond formed, and Jason was extra careful to spend time with her and tug 'i love you's' into the bond. But something was wrong, she could feel it. Parts of her were hurting where there were no injuries, and the other's were free of even a bruise when she checked. She swore her wrist was broken when she woke up on Monday but Alfred assured her there wasn't a thing out of place. On Tuesday her ribs ached like she'd been kicked. Wednesday blood started pouring from her nose at the dinner table. Finally someone was listing to her and she was moved to the med bay in the cave. They ran every test under the sun, even had Leslie come out to check but found nothing, not a hair out of place, not even a cavity. On Thursday she was making a cup of coffee for Tim when she dropped to the floor and started seizing the shattered mug making shallow cuts all over as she thrashed.
"Shit, Bruce," Jason yelled as he cradled her head in his lap. Dick was sweeping away the broken mug and Tim was holding down her arms and legs so she didn't hurt herself.
"How long," Bruce demanded sending Leslie an sos message.
"I don't know, she was like this when I walked in." Blood was dripping from her nose and foam was starting to work it's way out of her mouth so he turned her on her side. just as quickly as it started it was over, her eyes unfocused and breathing too shallow.
__
"If I didn't know any better I'd say she has a collapsed lunge and head trauma."
"But she hasn't sustained any injuries," Bruce confirmed. They were all back in the cave, watching the too shallow too slow rise and fall of her chest. Tubes and wires all over even though there weren't any injuries to heal.
"It's possible..." Leslie started but trailed off in thought.
"What, anything, any ideas-" Dick cut himself off with a shudder, tears making a steady stream. Jason and Tim were both huddled up next to him, their bonds aching in response to y/n's pain.
"She seems to form bonds... easily, it's completely unheard of to have two let alone three. Has she come into contact with anyone else in the life? It's possible she's formed another bond without realizing it, and that person is sustaining these injuries?"
"You think someone in the league or Titans is doing this?"
"Not on purpose, they're most likely just going about their day doing their job and can't stop from being injured. Has she met anyone new recently?"
"No," Jason answered. She hadn't left the Manor and nobody had come to visit.
On Friday she woke up screaming clutching at a wound in her stomach that wasn't there and eyes glowing green. Jason dropped to his knees in shock, hands going over his ears trying to block out the sound. She screamed her voice raw, clawing at her abdomen and begging them to make the pain stop, her eyes staying green until they closed and the beeping machines turned to blaring and the sound of a flatline. People moved around Jason working to save but he could feel the bond slipping, green eyes haunting him.
"This is my fault," he whispered, when she was stable and everyone was sitting in tense silence.
"No," Bruce said firmly.
"Me coming back-the pit must'v, the bond must'v absorbed some of the pit 'r somethin'."
"Jason we don't know that," Dick tried, but he was too tired to fight him on it. Every tug on his bond going unanswered by the woman he loved.
"Maybe it would help to put her in the pit," Tim said softly, easing away from Jason in preparation.
"NO!"
"It might help, I don't know even it out? She doesn't hold anger, it might not..."
"Turn her into a crazed lunatic," Jason snapped but made no move to strangle him so he carried on.
"With all of us to help, she might have an easier time," Dick agreed, warming up to the idea.
"And how would the misses feel about this?"
"She'd hate it, but she's been outvoted," Tim said pulling out his phone to track down Ra's.
"I'll call Thalia," Bruce said interrupting his search.
Two days later they were all standing around a bubbling green pit and Jason was doing his best to keep his food in his stomach. Thalia had agreed to carry her in and was doing just that when the girl gasped awake and started thrashing. A young boy stepped out from the circle of guards around them and grabbed y/n's hand causing her to freeze.
(did I just make another bond with dami, are we collecting the batboys like pets, yes)
"So father, why hasn't she attached herself to you," Damian asked with a sniff, wondering around the manor living area and periodically checking for dust. Everyone else was piled on the couch, Y/n spread out on three laps, awake but not fully aware.
"I don't know, I don't spend much time with her."
"Tt, I've spent no time and yet she has latched onto me like a viper-"
"Watch it demon brat." Damian gasped in response bending to put his hands on his knees.
"What was that!"
"She's probably trying to speak to you though the bond," Dick said calmly, fingers running through her hair.
"Why does it feel like that?"
"Like a string around your heart," Tim supplied.
"Yes...how do I respond," he said when he felt it again. She was insistent, tugging in a way he couldn't decipher.
"Is she tugging three times in order, or is it more sparatic?"
"Three times."
"She's saying ' I love you'," Tim clarified.
"Tt, she doesn't even know me."
"Doesn't matter, she loves you. She loved me the second the bond was formed."
"How do I stop her?"
"Damian," Bruce suddenly chastised.
"Dami, not even death can stop it. When Jason died she felt everything."
"Then she is weak," he accused then dropped to his knees at the overwhelming emotions she was sending through the bond. Love fully surrounding him until he was choking on it.
"Stop that," he demanded aloud, trying to convey hatred through the bond but he had no practice. He felt the three tugs again and again, even though she was a few feet away seemingly unaware of her surroundings.
"How is she doing that!"
"She can do it in her sleep, whatever you feel she feels stronger, her bonds to us are...I don't know, just stronger I guess, only small amounts of what she'd feeling gets though to us," Dick explained poorly.
"Small amount! She's burning me alive!"
"With love," Jason said on a laugh and Damian lunged for him. Before anyone could move to stop him he was tackled to the ground by y/n, her arms firmly around him as he thrashed, rolling him under her while maintaining the bear hug. He hissed like an angry kitten and she laughed at him while peppering his face with kisses.
"Mine, mine mine," she said with every peck. Still sending love through the bond.
Eventually he stilled, still glaring and sending hate through the bond but he hadn't released it so she took it as permission to roll them to a seated position, him in her lap with her fingers running through his hair.
"Mine," she cooed at him with a soft smile.
"Does she know any other words," Damian scowled but again didn't wiggle away from the affection.
"She's never been so....," Dick trailed off looking to the others.
"Out of it," Tim tried with a shrug.
"She's lucid, I've never seen her like this, even when I came back from the dead. Maybe two bonds forming so close together-"
"Two," Damian interrupted narrowing his eyes at them.
"Well yeah, she only bonded with me about a month ago. She was a mother hen, keeping me close and fawning over me, but she still spoke and seemed present?"
"Tt, are you saying it's my fault."
"We're saying her emotion might be a little...off right now, and this is how she's coping. Give her a few more hours, she was near death just yesterday," Bruce said standing with a heavy sigh. "I haven't slept in days and neither have any of you, Damian, I expect you can be trusted not to kill anyone for a few hours?" The boy nodded. "Good, the rest of you, bed, now or I get Alfred to tie you down."
"I'm not leaving her with a killer," Jason protested.
to be continued ( I don't know where I'm going with this so hope ya'll stay for the ride)
@stormz369
#dc comics#jason todd#batfam#batman#dick grayson#bruce wayne#dc universe#dcu#angst#jason todd x oc#soulmate au
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This is a little rambly, but: Do you have any tips for people who are trying to re-learn media literacy skills? It’s kind of disheartening to see the number of people I’ve seen in the arcane fandom on high horses doing the point and laugh at someone else for missing the deeper meaning/metaphors/symbolism. It’s alienating to be humiliated like that you know? (Maybe I’m just still fresh jn my post-election grief but it just reminds me of how, when someone becomes open to new viewpoints and new perspectives, we should meet them halfway and encourage these new questions and developing skills, instead of antagonizing them back in the other direction. Does that make sense?)
Hi nonny!!!!
First of all, I wanna say that these are some great questions and I'm truly flattered to have been asked! I can't say I'm a total expert here, so if anyone reading has other tips, please leave them in the reblogs or comments.
Second, you're also so right that nobody should be pointing or laughing at someone who doesn't "get it," if the person who didn't "get it" is giving their genuine analysis and is open for discussion and other viewpoints. It's when folks on either side of whatever the divide is slinging start insults that conversations become unproductive--which in and of itself is not conducive to media literacy. I am so sorry you've felt alienated by any of the back and forth happening; that doesn't feel good for anyone.
There are four pieces of advice I'll give. (and this is NOT assuming you're not doing these already, nonny!)
First, consume a lot of media. Read/watch/play with abandon. Consume things that are easy, consume things that challenge you. Reflect on them. Nothing fancy needed there. Ask questions--what is this trying to show me, and did it work? How could it have been seen differently, and why do I disagree with that view? Having a bigger reservoir of experience helps you evaulate everything you consume thereafter!
Second is pretty simple--pay attention. If you're planning on actively engaging with a piece of media, of course you've gotta actually immerse yourself in it! I'm guilty of being a phone-scroller while watching some things, but it's a detriment to getting the full picture of what you're watching or playing or reading. To be able to ask the questions, you have to do the work.
The third tip I'll give is to familiarize yourself with craft, whether that's writing, cinematography, etc. It helps you recognize the hows and whys of technicality, and allows you to evaluate what was attempted and what succeeded, or did not succeed. This also helps you take genre expectations into account as you assess the story's/creator's intention versus execution.
Finally--and this ties in with your concerns--allow yourself to think about other viewpoints, even if your own evalutations don't change.
One thing I'll say about Arcane in particular is that the long (and necessary!!!) development cycle led to folks having a close-held ideal of what the next season would look like--and when reality falls short of what they built up, that hurts. Such an impactful show means a LOT to people and it's unsurprising that it's bringing out a lot of strong convictions.
#please don't tear me apart i tried my best!!!#please offer more or offer counterpoints i'm listening too!
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He laughed softly at the tease as he sat up and leaned back against the headboard, giving Devan the space they seemed to need. A low hum in agreement and raise of his brow was the only response when he mentioned his leaving. Which they had in fact done. Devestatingly so. Without notice. They'd just ripped themselves from John-Paul's life with seeming ease. Not even so much as a goodbye or a note ala Roman Drake. The time period following immediately after wasn't one JP cared to reminisce about too often. If at all - Mal being the only other sould who knew how hard Devan leaving had been for him. And it certainly wasn't something he'd expected to be talking about so soon after their unexpected reunion.
Yet here they were.
He dropped his gaze momentarily as Devan spoke, the difficulty of their words filling the space between them. His fingers fidgeted with each other anxiously, his mind already preparing itself for another round of rejection. This time however, where would Devan go? JP would be forced to see what he'd lost every single day and he had no idea how he could possibly handle that.
But when his eyes found Devan again, John-Paul caught the apprenhension in their face. He shifted to face him fully, watching in silence as they seeming searched for the right words. His hand instinctively found its way to theirs and squeezed it gently in assurance. A soft huff escaped him with a shake of his head and a slight purse of his lips, dismissing his confession JP hadn't been the reason he was there.
The thought that Devan had come to the Wexley for him never crossed his mind. It wasn't even remotely a possibility. Not unless Devan developed some sort of psychic powers since they'd last seen each other. JP hadn't so much as mentioned where he lived before, let alone shown him. Although surprising, he'd assumed they'd been looking for the same as any of the others when they stumbled upon the Wexely - shelter and safety.
As Devan started to backtrack, JP scooted closer, unable to fight the tug of a smile or the soft huff of a chuckle when he admited being fucked up over him. That was a first, but so was how fucked up he was over Dev. Of course he's never spent more than a few nights, maybe a week tops, with someone. John-Paul was never looking for anyone to become a permanent fixture in his life - no matter how lonely he felt at times. He wasn't ever keen on letting anyone in far enough to really know him, firmly believing that once they did, they would leave just like his mother. So he never gave anyone the chance to feel anything other than lust for him. That was until Devan. And they still ended up leaving which made him realize it hadn't mattered if people saw him or not, and that he'd wasted a lot of opportunities being so afraid.
"Guess I should cancel the caterer then huh?" he joked if for nothing else then to break the growing tension. He held onto Devan, his fingers dancing through his hair as they came to rest at the nape of his neck. His eyes locked onto theirs affectionately.
"Dev, I hate to break it to you but that means we are something," he told him honestly. "And what that might mean scares the shit out of me, so I'm in no rush to find out," he admitted openly with a soft, nervous laugh. "But whatever we're meant to be, I'm here for it. I'm not going anywhere," he continued in promise with a small shrug, his grip gently tightening in added confirmation before pressing a kiss to their lips.
His focus broke when Devan finally broke the silence, shaking his head gently. John-Paul's embarrassment over this still being such a big deal flared up. He shouldn't have said anything. He shouldn't have said anything. He fucked up. Already. He knew it. How could he have thought someone as open as Devan would be okay hiding? He continued to silently chastise himself for the assumed failure, slowly blocking out everything around him.
But then Dev was making his presence known and John-Paul's worry began to slowly dissipate. His hands easily found themselves resting at their hip and sliding along their arm to hold onto their wrist. "Don't. It's not the same with them," he said of his siblings, shaking off their perceived ignorance of his 'love' life. "I know they wouldn't care. It's just never come up, so I never said anything," he explained it away. "It's everyone else that worries me. Not to mention there's alot of baggage behind why I've kept it to myself."
John-Paul's brow furrowed in worry when they admitted it was going to be a problem, he really didn't want that, but his expression turned to one of confusion as he went on. The knit in his brow softened as they continued, realizing they weren't leaving. That they were choosing to stay. Each kiss sent a chill up his spine. Each compliment stole his breath away. Self doubt clenched at his chest. He feared he wouldn't be able to live up to the image Devan had of him - his talent to screw up even the surest of shots undeniable.
It was Devan's value of him that nearly sent him over the edge. He had to squeeze his eyes shut to avoid the tears now threatening to dampen his eyes. He didn't know how to handle all the praise. All of Devan's wanting of him. That they were on his side. Other than his siblings, who he still sometimes believed felt more obligation by blood to be there, no one willingly made his protection a priority. And not his physical protection, he could handle himself without a doubt, it was his emotional insecurities that need the helping hand. But it was overwhelming to actually find it (in the apocalypse no less) and his words refused to form. He leaned them up just enough to press a kiss to their lips after the promise to defend his honor.
"I don't think you'll need to do that. At least not yet," he finally managed to choke out, swallowing back the lump forming in his throat with a small, nervous, short chuckle - joking in the face of seriousness his usual coping mechanism to break the weight of his anxiety. "Just give me a little more time, okay?" he asked genuinely, a thumb caressing their cheek. "That's all I need. And I promise it won't be long. It's hard to hide how much I like you," he admitted with gentle teasing in his voice before pressing another kiss to his lips.
#have a fucking novel 😅#tl:dr lmao#sorry bout that#thedevilworksharder#[survival is the only way: john paul]#March 22nd#Apt 412
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i never know what to sayyy when somebody texts me to ask how I'm doing 😐😐😐
#esp this time bc it was in response to my whatsapp story where i posted a link to the me/cfs Visite thing#AND bc it's my aunt.#like if it was someone else i could assume they know nothing#but my aunt idk how much my parents have told her already?? like where do i start. what do i say. ugh.#doddie redet#'How are you?' 'Physically bad emotionally good [lie]. Bye.'
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been meaning to mention this but i kept forgetting: i think it's interesting how most of the characters have some signature catchphrase when they tera
for friede and lizardon it's "surpass your potential"
for amethio and ceruledge it's "follow your own path"
#i know there are others for like the game characters too but i dont know them off the top of my head#i know arven and mabosstiff is always something relating to glowing/shining#i have nothing interesting to add or like speculate on i just thought it could be worth mentioning#i have like. all these loose ends swirling around in my head and no idea how to articulate them#me when i try to be smart/theorize but i have adhd#the only thing is i think friede's line is symbolic of his journey as a professor#from being bored and assuming he's seen it all vs post meeting cap and realizing he had so much left to learn and experience#and i think amethio's line esp will be relevant in terms of his own personal growth and development#to 'follow his own path' no matter what form that takes#he's certainly already made the baby steps towards that#uhhhh yeah#shark speaks#pokemon horizons#my bad if someone else has pointed it out by the way#ive been playing too much stardew havent been online lolololol
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why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up
#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director#and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production#and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out#but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again#i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately#so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me#i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me#i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added#and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad#anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much.#but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great#but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else#but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing#and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us#and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing#and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more#especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this.#and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not.#and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING#and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine.#but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad.#because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented#if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that.#but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent.#and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt#i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried.#and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over.#i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help#and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh#brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.
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.
#so my supervisor told me that my boss told him that i was supposed to meet with hr today for some reason#(he was asking out of curiosity)#only i know absolutely nothing about this#and the only thing i can think of is that it might be for the position i applied for#it was a few weeks ago and i hadnt heard anything so i assumed i didnt get it#but now i dont know#and I'm trying not to be too positive because id already resigned myself to not getting the job and disappointment sucks#but i genuinely can't think of any other reason they would want to talk#and if it was just so say i didnt get it it probably wouldn't be with hr#it would just be the head of that department#but it still could be something else#or my boss could've been confused (this happens often)#because i still haven't heard anything on my end so i have no idea#but im just like can someone just tell me please I'm going insane#edit: several hours later:#didnt get it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#which i was mostly expecting#but annoying that she asked to meet in person because it was more personal or whatever#email would've been fine#I'm really fucking tired
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I just woke up from.. such a dream that. Was completely unnecessary.
#my posts#my dreams#im. so tired#and bad.#like i was in this place with someone specific and it was close to being a penitentiary? but the people inside#kinda could do whatever they wanted. inside it kinda looked like a multi level/floored garage (hadnt dreamt of those in a while)#and some people were slightly better than others but everyone seemed... bad borderline dead#they had aubstances and guns and whatever they wanted#but also at multiple times we found either the officers that 'took care' of the place who just stood there and smiled and filed in 'changes'#in the place if anything happened. or people like us who were trying to find someone else. lr who had found them and the 'change' happened#also smiling. bc 'it was for the best'#we were doing bad emotionally but we find who we were looking for doing bad physically. slightly made me think of a rabid animal#he did his usual bullshit. the kind that makes you want to keep him away. was it better or worse than irl i don't know#so we. left. slowly. worried. and we hear a gunshot from where he was. we don't go check if that was right. we assume we know what happened#and we keep going from the garage to the proper building. we find an officer do they can in fact or the 'changes' down#someone reminds us it's for the best. nothing else could be a good thing#we are doing between better and worse#and i woke up feeling like shit lmao#also it's only 6 am are you kidding me#.... idk if i can go back to sleep#genuinely what the fuck was that#like yeah it's related to something that's been making me feel very bad lately but come on#also the person here kinda had started appearing in my stress dreams but this is. worse#i.. should try to sleep more but i feel like shit lmao
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