#like i used to think the idea of self care and love yourself was so cliche but there is honestly some truth in them...đ
tomboy reader x 141 - shopping
(Light warning for reader being self-conscious and insecure about her femininity.)
For the longest time, the boys of 141 don't see their tomboy teammate as a "girl." Not maliciously, of course, but it simply doesn't cross their mind.
It's not that you aren't pretty, but they're so conditioned to see you as "another one of the guys" that they don't spare a passing glance. You don't exactly dress up, either, and they haven't seen you in a skirt or dress. Nor do you have the most feminine interests--at least not that they know of--because their time with you is spent shooting at enemies, covered in blood, and kicking up dust. In short, the usual masculine tendency to see women as precious or dainty doesn't kick in. Because you're anything but.
Because you're a soldier.
In a way, you've grown to love it and hate it. The feminist side of you craves that respect and treatment as an equal. The other side of you, however, whatever the label may be, craves the idea of being wanted. You want to dress up nice and be small and cute. You want to wear heels and fluttery skirts and bows. You want to feel so sweet and sugary, that you could curl up in the palm of someone's hand--not afraid to be vulnerable and adoring and soft. Because you'd trust that person to still love and care for you, no matter how weak you allow yourself to be.
You never bring it up, though. At least not until Price asks if you have anything to wear to some fancy event, where you're stuck with a good old dress code.
"Yeaah... about that," you say with a sheepish smile. "Might have to get time off base to find something, sir. Don't think the pantsuit from my friend's wedding is gonna cut it."
"You don't got a dress? Not even one?"
"Was never the most comfortable in 'em, sir. Besides, I'm saving up for a house," you shrug. "I'm not out to buy some thousand dollar getup or jewelry." (And therein, beneath, lay the denial that if you didn't try to look feminine, you wouldn't look ridiculous doing so--imitating something you could never be.)
"Ooh, we should go shopping," Soap suggests with grin, leaning forward from his seat on the couch. "Think ol' Ghost here needs a bigger suit, anyway. Put on a few pounds--"
"Soap--"
"--of muscle! What--you think I was shaming ya?"
You roll your eyes, an anxious heat burning in your cheeks. "I can handle shopping myself, guys." And you didn't want them to be judging you for anything you put on.
"Oh, please, Gaz an' I are used to tagging along with our sisters," Soap continues, wrapping an arm around his fellow sergeant. Surprisingly, Gaz agrees with a nod.
"Not saying that you have to take us with you," Gaz starts, "but waiting outside a dressing room a couple hours is nothing."
"Long as we get food, of course," Soap adds.
"Well," Price notes, clearing his throat, "I'm in need of a new tie, too, so seems like it's settled. Ghost--and you?"
The masked man lets out a grunt, arms crossed on his recliner.
"... New suit."
Cue a little, "Ha! I knew it," from Soap. As well as Price filing for a one day vacation from the base.
** * **
You can practically feel the eyes trailing after you and the boys while you walk through the mall. Soap is loud enough as is, and combined with Gaz, both make for a pretty face. Then there's Ghost who just towers over everyone and looks like a cryptid with his mask, and Price who follows with the charm of an older gentleman. A posse of bachelors, that is.
You pick at the hem of your sleeve as you walk ahead--the default leader for today, seen as despite the boys' side quests, the main quest was you. Dressing you up in an elegant dress. Finding you matching heels and accessories. Making you look pretty and presentable.
So now you're here, standing in the dressing room of a fancy first-class boutique you could otherwise never afford--if it weren't for Price's insistence that, as your captain, it was his responsibility to make sure you looked "dapper." You smooth out the off-white creme of the skirt, staring in the mirror; you think you look pretty enough, and the pearl earrings add a certain charm to your otherwise plain features. (Though really, you're stressed that you'll seem more like a child playing dress-up--riddled with the self-consciousness of a girl trying imitate her mother, looking back at the gaudy mascara and smudged lipstick across her cheek.)
But there's no stalling. No more taking forever. The clock is ticking, and you either be judged for how you look, or judged for wasting time, or breaking down in refusal. (You know they'd never judge you--they're good men, you know--but still. You'd pick at your sleeve again if it was there--)
"Ready," you call from behind the curtain, taking a deep breath before stepping out into the light.
And all your fears melt away when they stop their banter to look at you, and their eyes widen--then soften--at the sight.
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hello :D i'm so in love with your writing i actually came up with a request for the first ever time *ever* since i joined like 5 years ago lmao
-reader gets into trouble with the chain for self endangering, reckless behavior, reprimanding/arguing ensues, maybe with reader not valuing themselves all that highly in comparison to the others? preferably with some rather rough lovin' as an escalation, just to get it through reader's thick skull that they're wanted and important
-i'd love to see Time, Warriors or Sky with this, but if you think someone else fits better that's perfectly reasonable too
-feel free to switch up any details you can't really work around (but no degradation please)
Absolutely!! I love this idea so much, so thank you for gracing me with it! I was also really inspired by this ask so it's going to be about 3-4 chapters long <3
The Bluest Eyes
Pairing: Warriors x Reader
Warning(s): A whole lot of smut and a few scenes of Reader suffering from PTSD. Reader is requested to be female.
Notes: Set in the same AU as Burning Love, where Reader is a retired war medic from Warriors' Hyrule. Also, a "night rail" is a type of nightgown :)
Main Masterlist | Fic Masterlist | Next Chapter
"Get down right now!" Hyrule's shout rang through the clearing, unusually annoyed for the typically patient traveler. Warriors lifted his head, blanching when he caught sight of you sitting atop the thick branches of one of the nearby trees, feet swinging down as you yelled back.Â
"No! Go heal Wind!"
"Wind has a scrape on his arm," the traveler stressed, gesturing to the snoozing hero as the others began to gather under the tree, expressions ranging from concerned to downright shocked. "You've been stabbed, (Y/n)."
"I'm fucking fine," you hissed back as blood dripped onto the ground from the wound in your shoulder, and Warriors was caught between terror at your condition to complete bafflement at how you managed to climb the tree in such a state. "Leave me alone!"
"Not until you let me heal you," Hyrule ground out with a stormy expression, hands twitching as if he intended to make you come down with sheer force of will alone.Â
"(Y/n)," Time tried in a soft tone, ever the voice of reason. "Denying yourself care will only hurt you further."
"Then I'll be hurting and Wind will be alive," you snarled, snapping your legs up when Wild took a running jump for them. More blood splattered from your shoulder, staining the sleeve of your tunic beyond repair, and Warriors finally noticed the unaltered fear in your expression.Â
You were afraid, and he had an idea why. Being a medic during the War of Eras, there was no doubt in Warriors' mind that you had seen terrible thingsâdeath, disease, perhaps even betrayal--and the way your eyes nervously shifted to study each of them only confirmed his theory. You were trying to sacrifice yourself for them, though he couldn't fathom why; they had more than enough health potions to go around, and Hyrule had hardly even used his magic when tending to Wind.Â
There was no reason for you to be acting this way, yet he knew exactly what you were. There was a faraway gleam in your eyes, like you were looking at something that didn't exist anymore.Â
Warrior's stomach churned as he couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since you felt truly safe.Â
"(Y/n), please..." Legend's voice was uncharacteristically soft, eyes wide with worry, an expression they all shared. "It was only a lizalfos attack, no one else got hurt."
"He did," you spat, pointing to Wind, and Warriors couldn't take it anymore.Â
"That's it, we're coming up."
You gasped as the captain took a running start, leaping up and just barely latching on to the branch below your feet. "Get down right now, you're going to hurt yourself!"
"We're just trying to help you," Sky took a less physical approach, moving to stand beneath the branch with a look of barely disguised regret.Â
"I'm fine," you repeated in a weak voice, and Warriors knew he had to act fast.Â
"You're bleeding out," he grunted as he heaved himself over the branch, ignoring the blood dripping down onto his scarf; it wasn't like he couldn't wash it later.Â
"It's just blood," you said, and he could have laughed at how disappointed you looked in yourself when the words sunk in.Â
"Just blood?" Warriors pulled himself onto the branch, settling next to you, hand reaching around your waist to stabilize your swaying form. Your hands valiantly tried to bat him away, but you were far too weak to do any real damage.Â
"Please," his heart ached at the beginning of tears forming in the corner of your eyes. "Get down."
"Not without you," he countered quietly.Â
"You're hurt," you whimpered, and it was as if all the air had been sucked from the space. Your gaze was worryingly unfocused as you turned your head to look at him, and Warriors could only imagine what you were seeing. "I can't heal you."
"I'm not hurt," he replied gently, not wanting to scare you even more than you already were. "It's all yours."
"Oh," you blinked slowly, as if you were struggling to comprehend his very words. "I'm sorry."
There was a knot in Warriors' throat. He tried to gulp it down, but it bounced back with more force than he expected. "Don't be sorry, just let Hyrule heal you."
Your gaze flicked slowly to the heroes waiting below, a protective glint in your slowly-focusing eyes. "...What about them?"
"They'll be okay," Warriors promised, and you nodded weakly, head lolling to the right to rest against his shoulder, pressing your wound to his chest with nary a hiss.Â
"Okay," you whispered in the most broken tone he had heard from you.Â
Warriors was sure he hadn't moved quicker in his life, carefully gathering your limp form in his arms and dropping back to solid ground. He remained silent as Hyrule dashed over, hands already glowing with green magic.Â
"Lay her down," the traveler said in a wavering voice, and Warriors did as instructed, placing you on the ground as if one wrong move would shatter you, and it was then that he truly noticed the ashy pallor your face had taken on, eyes squeezed shut as Hyrule worked his magic above you.Â
Slowly but surely, the exposed wound on your shoulder closed, your skin knitting together under the traveler's hands, leaving behind a wide rip in the blood-soaked sleeve of your tunic. The fitful expression on your face softened some, but he could still see the slight frown tugging at the corners of your mouth.Â
Warriors' hand found your uninjured shoulder, shaking it softly as Wild plopped down beside you, face twisted with worry. "How are you feeling?"
There was no response, and his heart could have damn near stopped when he registered the tell-tale softness your breathing had taken on. Nearly shoving Hyrule aside, he pressed two fingers to the side of your neck, fearing the worst.Â
"Is she dead?!" Four exclaimed in absolute, unadulterated horror, and the others began to murmur in fear. Warriors' pressed harder, motions unusually desperate as he fought to find a pulse. No, his mind whispered, a cacophony of dread as his fearful thoughts soared, cursing himself for not acting sooner. He shouldn't have waited, and now you were paying the price for his stupidity--
The very notion of time seemed to skid to a standstill when you wheezed suddenly, throat bobbing harshly against his prodding fingers.Â
"She's alive!" Hyrule exclaimed in palpable relief, and the tension in the air began to dissipate. Warriors took several breaths to calm his racing heartbeat, removing his hand from your neck as you coughed, turning your head to the side, groaning softly. "Fuck," you said, and the captain was torn between crying and laughing.Â
"Are you alright?" Sky was quick to help you into a sitting position. You winced, rubbing at your healed shoulder with your free hand.Â
"Yeah," you mumbled, looking around with mounting apprehension. "...Where's Wind?"
"Here!" called the sailor, having just woken up from his nap, and you gave him an exhausted half-grin.Â
"Good," you tried to stand, only to be pushed down by Hyrule.Â
"Not a chance, (Y/n)," the traveler chided, obviously still shaken from your initial refusal of help. "You're staying right there."
"I'm okay--"
"No," Hyrule said in a tone that brokered no argument. "You areâ you are going to sit there and get better, or Hylia help me I will tie you down until you do."
You opened your mouth to respond, but Warriors noted how quickly you reconsidered the idea when Hyrule fixed you with a dark glare, crossing his arms over his chest in a manner that screamed 'try me and die'.Â
"...Fine," you relented, slumping backward, and the captain had a distinct urge to ruffle your hair. Your cheeks pinked and you all but hissed: "Stop that."
"Nope," said Warriors, laughing softly when you fixed him with one of your practiced stares, though even a fool could see that there was no heat whatsoever in your gaze. He rose to his feet, deftly dusting the tops of his pants. "Time, do youâ"
"Um, guys?" Wind's voice interrupted, filled with apprehension. Warriors turned to face the sailor... only to blanch.Â
A portal had opened in the center of the clearing--pure white mixed with swirling hints of gold. The air around it crackled softly, charged with an explicably dangerous energy that had the hair on the back of his neck standing on end.Â
"Is that...?" You trailed off, letting the situation speak for itself.Â
"Time," Warriors drew his sword, stalking over to put himself between you and the portal. "Do we have anotherâ"
"No," the oldest hero cut him off, tone unusually icy. "This isn't anything I recognize."
"We'll have to go through it, then," said Wild, already advancing forward. Warriors gazed back at Twilight and Legend, who both nodded, unsheathing their swords while the captain re-sheathed his, bending over to gather you in his arms.Â
"I can walk," you half snapped, though you made no real move to prove that point.Â
"No, you can't," Warriors responded, turning to face the portal as Time and Twilight entered it, disappearing in a flash of light. The others followed swiftly, and he could only hope they'd be able to survive what awaited them on the other side.
You recognized the castle gates as soon as you saw them.Â
You had long since wrapped your arms around Warriors' neck, holding on for dear life despite the fact that you knew he wouldn't drop you, deftly studying the bustling streets as the group stepped into Castle Town.Â
It was undoubtedly your Hyrule, and there was a certain comfort in being home again. You remained silent as the others chatted, half because you were nearly asleep and half because you couldn't fathom what to say to any of them at this point. Embarrassment coursed through you as you recalled their terrified expressions when you scaled the tree, too lost in your thoughts to realize what was going on.Â
You liked to think you kept decent control of your emotions, but now...
"Hey," you felt the words rumbling from Warriors' chest before you heard them. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing," you said quickly. Perhaps too quickly, from the way he cocked an eyebrow down at you in response. "I'm fine."
"You keep saying that," the hero paused, then continued in a far quieter tone. "But I don't think I believe you anymore."
"Maybe because it's none of your business," you hissed... and immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry, I justâ"
"I understand," said Warriors. The hand on your ribcage tightened as he hefted you tighter against him. "I really do."
You didn't doubt that, you really didn't, but a thick ball formed in your throat and you didn't trust yourself not to start bawling in the middle of the street. With a shaky huff, you tucked your head against the broad expanse of Warriors' chest, letting familiar darkness consume you.Â
You couldn't sleep.Â
The bedroom Queen Zelda had so graciously gifted you was too cold, yet your pillow felt hot enough to burn a hole through metal. You flipped onto your stomach, gripping the pillow as you buried your face into it. Every time you closed your eyes, memories of the War would pop into your mind's eye like flies, only dropping when you awoke, panting like you had run a lap around the castle itself.Â
"Fuck..." you whispered to the empty room. Warriors had passed you off to Twilight and Hyrule as soon as his boots crossed the foyer, declaring that he had a meeting with Zelda, only returning with a grim expression and ten keys. The Queen had heard reports of a black lizalfos roaming the land, but they were largely unreliable, leaving everyone with no choice but to stay in the castle for the night.Â
While you were grateful for the unexpected privacy, there was something to be said about sleeping in the open with what you now considered to be some of your closest friends. The room, decked out in purple tapestries, was terribly lonely, as four-poster beds typically weren't the chattiest of company.Â
The bed creaked as you shifted onto your back, staring up at the stone ceiling, hands fisted in the soft fabric of the creme night rail you wore. You tried not to think of how Wind had almost been slashed, or how close Time had gotten to being bisected by a moblin, but they kept popping up the harder you willed them away.Â
It was hopeless, you realized. Completely, utterly hopeless.Â
You swung your legs off the side of the bed, kicking your slippers on and shuffling to the nightstand, where a lone candle sat. With trembling hands, you lit it. A fierce orange glow illuminated the room, and you used it to guide you to the door, peering outside at the empty hallway.Â
You were no stranger to the castle, which is why you stepped out for a short walk, shoes scuffing gently on the polished floor.Â
Aimlessly, you wandered, uncaring of where you ended up. Dark shadows stretched and spun before you, quickly vanquished by the light of the candle. You walked beneath one of the many arches, entering a hallway you didn't recognize. A large portrait hung on the very back wall, a stunning caricature of Queen Zelda and... Warriors.Â
You approached the portrait, holding up your candle for a better view. Their faces were relaxedânot too relaxed, of courseâand could be vaguely described as peaceful. Warriors himself looked younger, like the burden of being a hero had not yet hit, with a small grin that made the corners of your lips quirk up.Â
"...(Y/n)?"
You nearly dropped the candle as you spun around, heart nearly leaping from your chest.Â
"Wars?!"
And there he was, in all his blonde-haired, bleary-eyed glory, dressed in nothing but a pair of pants. You tried not to look at his chest, mostly because it was highly inappropriate and partially because you were supposed to be upset, and looking at that glorious abdomen made you feel anything but sad.Â
"You're not asleep," he observed in a matter-of-fact tone. "Why was I expecting this?"
You crossed your arms over your chest. "I could say the same about you."
"I know," his gaze flicked to the portrait, then back to you. "Do you want to talk?"
"Not really."
"Liar."
You bristled. "Excuse me?"
"You're unexcused," Warriors shot back, and you became distinctly aware of just how close a two-foot distance was when you were alone. "Tell me the truth."
"And that is?"
The captain fixed you with a half-hearted, largely exhausted glare. "Gee, (Y/n), maybe when you climbed a tree to avoid medical attention?"
"That's diffâ"
"Or perhaps when you refused to let Hyrule heal you until we climbed the tree?"
"That's notâ"
"Or should I mention that time you attempted to give Wild a healing potion after he stubbed his toe?"
"Youâ"
"I'm not done," Warriors cut you off, running a hand down his face. "Do you have any idea how worried we were? How worried I was?"
There was silence, because you didn't trust yourself to speak without breaking down.Â
"Well?" the captain prompted. "Don't you have anything to say for yourself?"
You stared at him. This was pointless; you didn't want to talk, you wanted...
A knot formed in your stomach. What did you want? It had been so long since you considered something so... well, you felt it was rather mundane, but that didn't excuse that you had no idea what you wanted.Â
You didn't realize you had begun to cry until Warriors' hand swiped gently at your face with a gentleness you didn't know he possessed. For you, at least.Â
"It's going to be alright," he said, and, before you knew it, you were bawling, thick sobs shaking your shoulders. Wars wordlessly pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your trembling form.Â
"I can't do it," you whispered against his clavicle, arms encircling his bare back. "If I can't help him, how am I to help the rest of you?"
"You don't have to," the captain responded softly, hugging you a bit tighter. "You've helped enough-- no, more than enough."
"I know, b-but," you hated how your voice wavered noticeably when you spoke the last word. "I can't lose you."
"You won't."
"How can you promise that?" you hiccuped, pressing yourself closer, heavy tears blurring your vision. "Wars..."
"We're strong, (Y/n), we'll always be here," he responded slowly. Carefully. "Always."
âPromise me,â you whispered, unable to force any other words out. You needed to hear him say it, and the anticipation was tearing you from the inside out.Â
âI promise,â said Warriors. He sounded genuine, but, then again, he always did.Â
âGood,â you sniffed, feeling slightly sheepish for crying on him in the middle of the night. âIâm sorry, I justâŠâ
You froze when Warriors put a finger over your lips, shushing you softly. âYou have nothing to be sorry for,â he said, holding you like he would never let go. âDonât apologize for things that arenât your fault, okay?â
That⊠that was new. You had always liked Warriors; he was kind and reliable, not to mention an excellent strategist. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, but you willed them away, hoping the night was dark enough to conceal the burning flush on your cheeks.Â
â...Okay,â you agreed, distinctly aware of the flexing muscles lying just beneath your fingertips. Warriors was strongâthey all wereâand you felt as much anxiety over it as you did comfort. âWhy⊠Why were you up?â
âCouldnât sleep,â he responded quickly, and you couldnât help but chuckle half-heartedly. âWhat is it?â
The words slipped from you like a knife through butter, like the softest silk and the quietest breeze. âWeâre both hopeless.â
Warriors hummed and turned his sparkling cerulean gaze to you. âMaybe,â he whispered to the night. âHelplessness can be helped.â
âYou think?â You were almost afraid to ask, but you could have done anything to hear his voice again.Â
âI think itâs time for bed.â
You laughed before you could stop yourself. Warriors released you when you pushed lightly on his chest, arms hanging loosely by his bare sides. âIsnât that Skyâs line?â
â...I wonât tell if you donât.â
âDeal.â
With slightly-lifted spirits, you peered outside, studying the star-spangled sky with mild interest. The moon was bright, bathing the hallway in a milky sheen that made it all the more eternal, and you wondered why you hadnât taken the time to study it before. âItâs soâ⊠I never noticedâŠâ
âBeauty comes in many forms,â Warriors intoned softly with a glance in your direction. âThere are people who go their whole lives without appreciating the little things.â
âAnd you are?â
The captain hesitated, shoulders slumping slightly, making you wonder if he would appreciate a hug. âIâm still working on it,â he admitted softly, and made the executive decision not to pry.
âSo am I,â you shot an exhausted grin his way. â...How mad do you think Hyrule will be if I donât sleep?â
Warriors ran a hand down his face, and only a fool would miss the very obvious, very large smile he was attempting to conceal. Until it shifted to a grin, then a smirk.Â
âIf I have to sleep, you do too.â
âActuallyââ
âHush,â you blinked dumbly when his hand extended, palm up, toward you. A few seconds passed, and Warriors let out a small huff. â(Y/n)ââ
âPresent.â
â...Just take my hand.â
You did.
First chapter done! This is the second ask that has activated me like this, and I'm excitedly-terrified of the other wonderful ideas y'all might send me in the future!
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Here is the smut side story that goes with this short story from the picture game.
Itâs been a looonnngggg time since Iâve written smut and Iâm sure it shows. I hope itâs not too bad though.
Warnings: Unprotected sex, body insecurities, general sex stuff nothing too crazy, crying after sex, everything is consensual
Dinner had been simple and light, not wanting to weigh yourself down. The conversation was fun with lots of smiles and laughter. It felt like old times which you and Yoongi were slowly getting back to. You were moving back into your once shared home bit by bit. Mae was taking all the changes surprisingly well but you really think it helps that she gets to see her daddy almost every day again so she didnât really care about much else.
Youâd gone to a couple therapy sessions with Yoongi and it was very beneficial to you both. You wished youâd gone sooner. His therapist loved the idea of slowly trying to introduce intimacy back into your lives. Which is what you did.
It started with Yoongi using his mouth and fingers to pleasure you on a couple occasions. You always felt terrible that he would never let you return the favor but he assured you he was okay doing without and you understood why so you never pushed him more than just offering.
But a couple weeks ago his doctor switched up his medicine to something new which was supposed to have fewer or lighter side effects. You didnât want to rush him so you waited until he was ready and last night he asked if your parents would mind taking Mae for a night. He also asked you to bring over that one lingerie set. You played it cool but internally you were screaming with excitement.
And now here you were staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror. Instead of wearing the old piece you decided to start fresh and buy something new. You chuckled, not because of the way you looked or anything since Yoongi had been working double time to make sure you got your confidence back, but because you couldnât believe the amount of money you paid for something with such little fabric.
It was weird feeling so nervous to have sex with your husband who you also had a child with so this wasnt anything new. You two used to rip each others clothes off and get right to it but now it felt so foreign and different.
You tied your robe shut and turned off the bathroom light.
Yoongi was sitting on the edge of the bed staring off into space. You knew he was already in his head, probably criticizing himself for things that didnât even happen yet.
When he heard the door click shut he looked over and smiled.
He grabbed your hand and pulled you in-front of him to stand between his legs, âCome here baby.â You did as he said, starting to run your fingers through his hair to comfort him.
âIâm so nervous.â, he chuckled as he toyed with the string of your robe.
âItâs okay. I am too. But remember that itâs just me Yoongi and weâre gonna take it slow and weâll work through it together.â
He leaned into your touch loving the way your hands felt on him.
His fingers had a slight shake to them as he pulled a little harder on the string.
âC-Can I?â, he asked.
You nodded, âPlease.â
In one movement he pulled on the string releasing the hold it had on your robe. You shimmied your shoulders allowing the silk to slide down to the floor revealing the light blue lace and sheer fabric that adorned your body underneath it.
You felt self conscious and started to worry but any doubts you had were banished when Yoongiâs hands grabbed onto your hips giving them a light squeeze. He licked his lips as he looked you over once again. âY/N youâre gorgeous and mine, all mine, all for me.â, you heard him mumbling as he placed sloppy kisses over the fabric, surprising you when his teeth lightly grazed your right nipple.
Slowly he helped you out of what you were wearing, his eyes not leaving you once.
âUmm something seems off about this situation right now.â, you giggled while pulling on the sleeve of his t-shirt since he was still fully clothed.
He helped you pull off the fabric tossing it aside before he lifted up so you could pull off the sweats he had been wearing leaving him in just his boxers.
Feverishly you leaned back in searching for his lips. Yoongi pulled you on top of him as he laid back on the bed. You straddled him trying to remember every touch and every spot that would get him going. Things started falling into place.
Your lips started on his neck sucking little bits before slowly trailing down his chest to his stomach and then just below his belly button.
You ran your tongue against the fabric of his boxers feeling him half hard but it got a reaction from him so you did it again this time with a little more pressure.
He moaned your name giving you confidence. You hooked a finger around the waistband of his shorts pulling them down and freeing his large cock that you hadnât seen in ages. You had forgotten just how beautiful your husband was, every inch of him.
He wasnât quite there yet but you were determined to bring him to full erection. You placed kisses on his thighs knowing that he liked to be teased. Your kisses turned into little licks that got closer and closer until you surprised him by taking him fully in your mouth. He groaned as his hips bucked up to meet your mouth. Slowly but steadily you bobbed your head up and down on his cock making sure to pay extra attention to the head just like he always liked.
You made sure to even reach up and give his balls a light squeeze knowing that usually increased his pleasure. After several minutes of this he was no harder than when you started.
Trying your best to mask your disappointment you leaned back to catch your breath while still stroking him with your hand.
You tried to go back in with your mouth but he stopped you, âJust forget it Y/N. Itâs not going to happen.â
âYoongs itâs okay. Donât get upset. Letâs just take a break and we can try again. We have all night.â, you said trying to salvage the situation.
But he pulled on his shorts and walked out of the room leaving you there naked and alone.
Giving him a few minutes you slowly slid on his shirt that he had been wearing and walked out to find him. He was sat on the couch staring at the blank television.
When you got closer he finally looked up at you, âIâm sorry Y/N, Iâm sorry I canât be there for you in the ways you need me to be.â
You sighed feeling frustrated. Frustrated with yourself, frustrated with him for feeling like that, frustrated at the situation.
Gently you leaned him back against the couch and you straddled his lap. You were going to take charge and try things your way.
âYoongi youâre thinking too much about it. You need to just relax and let your body feel.â, you mumbled into his lips while simultaneously grinding down on his soft cock. You could feel your arousal soaking through his shorts, âAnd even if we donât get there tonight Iâm perfectly happy just being close to you like this.â
Your words seemed to calm him and his body started to relax back into the couch.
With more force you pushed your wet cunt down on him harder this time while using the friction to get yourself off.
Yoongiâs hands were roaming your body until they settled on your hips helping to hold you down. He always had a thing for letting you use him as you pleased.
âMmm baby, I donât even need you inside me. I can cum just like this.â, you moaned in his ear.
He took the hem of the shirt you were wearing and pulled it over you throwing it across the room with force. You laughed until his mouth connected harshly with your left nipple while his large hands squeezed your breast together making a moan escape you.
His hips bucked up encouraging you to continue chasing your high when you felt his bulge growing. He was the hardest heâd been all night. Not wanting to draw attention to it you continued to grind down on him just like you had been. His shorts now soaked with a mix of your arousal and his pre cum.
âDo you trust me?â, you whispered in his ear before nibbling on the lobe.
âMmhm with my life.â
You continued your movements until he was a mess under you and rock hard.
You lifted your hips up far enough that you could quickly move his shorts down freeing his red swollen cock allowing it to stand straight up. Before he could react you sunk down on him talking all of him in one shot.
The pain was immediately replaced by pleasure as you willingly accepted the familiar girth.
âOh fuckâ, he hissed feeling your warmth and wetness for the first time in over a year.
You gave it another moment for you both to adjust before you began to bounce up and down on his length.
Yoongi was a moaning cursing mess. His head rolling back with his mouth agape. His eyes squeezed shut as he soaked in the sensations and sounds around him. You took the moment to plant kisses along his jaw when he lunged forwarded capturing your lips with his instead.
You were trying your hardest to make sure he enjoyed this moment to the fullest. Using his shoulders for leverage you started bouncing up and down more aggressively letting his cock fully slip out of you before sheathing yourself again. The position giving Yoongi the one of the best views heâs ever seen between your body sliding up and down on his painfully hard erection and your boobs bouncing inches from his face. That combined with the sounds you were making were blissful and he found himself nearly finishing by surprise.
He gasped grabbing a hold of his cock to prevent you from slamming back down on it.
âFuck sorry Y/N, I nearly came.â, he said out of breath.
You giggled giving him a few kisses before he removed his hand allowing you slip his cock back inside. Once again you began your movements but this time his hands clung to your waist, âY/N go slow, please. I-I canât last much longer. Itâll be even less if you keep this up.â, he panted.
âItâs okay Yoongs. Let go whenever youâre ready. Iâve got you.â, you said giving his shoulder a squeeze.
You obliged for a little though. Wanting to keep the feeling of him finally being inside you. You moved slowly, both of you watching as he slid in an out of you.
You started to pick up the pace again though. Your own high was close and you knew he was even closer. You could feel the way he twitched inside, his grip on your waist getting tighter, the concentration on this face as he tried to fight it. Skin on skin and ragged breathing the only sounds in the room.
âY/N. IâŠI canât. You have to stop. Iâm gonna cum if you donât stop.â, he cried into your chest.
âThen cum for me. I want to make you feel good. Fill me up baby. I know you want to.â
And that was the final push he needed.
He came inside you with a loud pornographic moan, his body shaking as you continued to ride him through his high wanting him to feel euphoric.
Somehow he still managed to bring his hand to your clit rubbing figure eights and willing himself through the over stimulation as you continued to ride him through your own high as well.
He leaned his forehead against your chest and you placed a kiss on the top of his head.
âWas that okay?.â you asked.
âY/N, that was more than okay.â, he chuckled.
Both of you stayed like that for a minute because you were exhausted but also just genuinely enjoyed the intimacy that had been missing for so long.
âThank youâŠthank you for not giving up on me.â, he sniffled and you realized he was crying.
âDonât thank me. Weâre in this together. No matter what. Everything will be okay.â, you said wiping away his tears with your thumbs.
He kissed you, âI love you Y/N, I love you so much.â
You kissed him again and again making sure he knew you loved him too.
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My second therapy session is in 5 days and though I'm looking forward to it, my insurance sadly doesnt cover the entire expense đŹđ
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eeeuuuuggghhh i'm gonna bitch in the tags a bit bcus this isn't like. serious enough to put more effort into it than that but i also don't want it to sit in my brain.
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MW2 Reaction To You Being Their Controversially Young Girlfriend
Warnings: Implied Smut, Legal Age Gap, Age Gap Relationships, Daddy Kink, Older Man/Younger Woman, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Possessive MW2, Degradation, Mention of Corruption, Mentions of Innocence, Mentions of Naivety, Praise Kink (M Giving), Implied Choking Kink, Angry Sex, Groping, Brat Taming, Man Handling/Woman Handling, Dumbification Kink, Gentle MW2, Rough MW2, Self-Consciousness, Mentions of Blood/Injury, Insecurity, Profanity, Pet Names, Fem Pronouns Used For Reader.
Ghost
Pretends he doesnât care about the age gap, but he secretly does.
Youâd never know it, but he worries that heâs roping you into a relationship â a long-term one at that â when you should be out, meeting guys, gaining life experience.
He also fears that, in some way, heâs corrupting you, that his selfish desire to keep you close to him will lead to you being targeted or you eventually resenting him.
It doesnât matter how many times you tell him otherwise, heâs still going to worry about you.
There are a few ways you can put his mind at ease, though. Namely of the bedroom variety.
More on this later đ.
He spoils you silly, absolutely rotten. Anything that catches that pretty little eye of yours and heâs already got it gift wrapped. He feels itâs the least he can do after youâve shown him that life isnât just an endless cycle of suffering â an infinitum of anguish â that he does deserve happiness and a chance at love.
Very gentle during sex. Unless you ask him not to be.
Expect a lot of praise in bed.
Many a night have you found yourself pinned under Simon, his mouth to your ear as he pants, moaning, telling you how youâre âSuch a good girl, taking me so well,â while he fills you with long, languid strokes.
Other times, heâs not so gentle.
Oftentimes, usually as a result of purposefully making Ghost jealous, have you been pinned against a hard surface â one of convenience rather than comfort â with Simon at your back, the tent in his pants catching you.
His voice is deep, husking and carnal as he reminds you who you belong to.
âLike having your pretty little cunt ravaged by an older man, donât you, Love.â
Heâs very protective of you.
He sometimes construes your young age as innocence, naivete. Hence, he never lets you out of his sight when youâre out together.
Scary dog privileges.
Absolutely feral, down bad for you: you only have to do or say the most minimal of things to make him melt, to become a slave to his adoration for you.
That being said, heâs paranoid that one day youâll see him as he views himself and leave him for someone better â someone you deserve. Someone younger.
Heâs damaged goods, you still have your whole life to live. And yet you stay with him, promise him that heâs the only man youâll ever love.
As stated earlier, Simon can be persuaded of your dedication to him via special, particular means.
However, if you play into his insecurities, even to get a rise out of him, heâll pounce on you, grab your wrists and pin you to a wall, gripping your jaw and forcing you to look at him.
And, beneath dark lashes and darker eyes, he makes a promise to you.
âOh, you think a younger lover can pleasure you like I can?â he says, his head tilting. âDonât you worry, Darling. Iâll fuck that idea outta that pretty little head of yours until the only thing rattling around in there is me.â
König
Somewhat insecure in your relationship. Especially when he gets disapproving glances and glares from passers-by when they note the very obvious age difference between the two of you.
But, his love for you can overcome any measure of anguish, social or otherwise.
Heâs the gentlest giant you could ever hope to meet, both in and out of bed.
When he feels like it.
He treats you like youâre innocent and pure, shielding your eyes from graphic scenes on TV and gruesome stories in the newspaper.
Sometimes he has to remind himself that youâre a fully-grown woman, even if you are younger than him.
You send him absolutely feral whenever you wear his clothes btw.
Seeing as any one of his shirts could be your nightdress, he calls you his âMinnie Mausâ, and treats you as such.
Pls sit on his lap, heâll only be able to die happy once you do.
He fears judgement from others whenever you enact PDA, so to make up for his lack of willing to be physical with you in public, there isnât a moment where youâre without him at home.
Extended periods of time in your presence tend to send him a bitâŠfunny.
A little bit silly.
And by silly, I mean thereâs a single thread of humanity keeping him from tearing your clothes off at any given second.
Especially if heâs seen a younger guy looking at you earlier in the day.
One of the few times heâll get physical with you in public is whenever he catches someone looking at you with a glaze over their eyes he knows all too well.
He approaches you from behind, slipping a pythonic arm about your waist and pulling you into him.
Only now does your admirer look away, leave the premises entirely, once they catch sight of Königâs gargantuan proportions and the rabid look in his eye.
Once you get home, heâs on you before you can even shut the door.
Itâs times like these that König doesnât feel insecure about the age gap between you.
Because he knows, no matter how little youâre willing to admit it, that nobody will ever be able to make you scream and cry and tremble like he can.
âDid you like that boyâs attention earlier, Maus?â he says, his eyes cattish and voice serpentine. He bears down on you, his hand about your throat as the other travels under your skirt.
âIs my love not enough? Are my affections wasted on you?â
His eyes glint in the dim light of the bedroom. His teeth look sharper â primal â in the low glow of the bedside lamp.
âNo matter. Iâll make you remember how much you need me,â he presses into you. The bulge between his legs feels far too big for you to take.
âInch by bloody inch.â
Valeria
Youâre her little Angel, her Goddess, the light of her life and her reason for living.
That does not exempt you from her teasing, however.
Sexual or otherwise.
Sheâs particularly fond of randomly grabbing your backside when sheâs walking past, or smacking it so hard that you yelp and sheâs grinning from ear to ear.
Even if you use your puppy-dog eyes on her, disobedience is not accepted under her roof.
In fact, trying to wriggle out of any punishment she has planned is enough to make her grab you and pin you to a wall, her grip unrelenting as she sucks and bites your neck, leaving harsh red marks and a sense of helplessness as she does what she pleases with you.
âDonât go fucking around behind my back again, Chiquita,â she tells you, her nose touching yours and her eyes black. She brings her knee between your legs, pressing into you.
âOr next time I wonât just stop at your throat.â
She loves dressing you up in the finest clothing money (and a ghastly reputation) can buy.
She thrives on having you hanging off her arm like a dog on a leash; she gets to show you off to her subordinates and business partners who know theyâll never even have the thought of having a chance with you entertained.
Valeriaâs mood can fluctuate in bed.
Sometimes, she treats you like a common whore she found on the street, fucking every ounce of rage, hate and venom into you until some part of youâs left bleeding as Valeriaâs panting on top of you, her lips to your cheeks as she kisses your tears away with a whiplash-inducing gentleness she seemed incapable of minutes ago.
Most of the time, sheâs loving and kind, putting your needs above her own.
Sure, she still teases you, makes you work for her love and dedication, but you know sheâd do anything for you.
You can tell in her tone as she tells you of how she would âScorch the earth if only to find a fragment of you in the wreckage.â
You disappearing or being taken from her is her biggest fear, and at night she holds you tightly against her chest, your buffer against the world she would sooner see in flames than relinquish you to.
Price
Heâs so father-coded fr.
He calls you his little girl, his Princess, Love, Darling, Dollie â anything that highlights your fragile nature.
Shows you off to his friends just so he can show them what theyâre missing. He adores the feeling of you curling further into him under the eyes of his task force, the look in their eyes relating something savage, primal, as they look at your bare thighs â the pinnacle of which shadowed by Johnâs shirt â and watch something they can never have, never touch.
John hides his insecurity well, but he does secretly worry about the age gap.
Especially when he watches younger men looking at you in ways he does.
The difference being that, while they offered you the world and would give you nothing, you are Johnâs world.
When you can tell Johnâs feeling worried, comforting him is a surprisingly easy task.
A kiss to the temple and the promise that heâs the only man for you is usually enough to put his mind at ease and make his face break out into a smile.
On the rare occasion it isnât, however, alternative methods are at your disposal.
E.g. screaming Johnâs name into the night as your nails drag down the expanse of his back, bodies scorching as he brings you to tears with his touch and his unrelenting pace.
He will absolutely hold his rank/age over you when heâs like this, no longer a point of contention or shame for him as he tells you heâs the âOnly one who can make you whimper like a fuckinâ dog,â
âSuch a good girl for me, my good little cocksleeve,â he rasps in your ear as he bounces you on top of him, his hands about your waist, preventing you from fleeing or falling off.
âGod, youâre so beautiful â soâ fuckâ gorgeous.â Heâs panting, gasping, growling.
âAnd all mine.â
Horangi
Youâre the only thing that matters to him.
At this point, he only remains as a military contractor to ensure that he can keep you in the style to which you are accustomed.
Calls you ìêž°ìŒ (Jagiya â Honey, Darling).
His favourite thing to do is sit you between his legs and wrap around you like armour.
In case you couldnât tell, heâs highly protective of you.
You can make him do absolutely anything â heâs at your beck and call.
You can get him to buy you anything if you give him what he likes to call âkitten eyesâ eyes.
Even if youâre being a brat, he remains calm and treats you like his little angel, his sweetpea.
Unless you push him too far.
At which point, he wonât hesitate to tame you if you try your luck.
Heâll have you bent over his lap, holding you down with his forearm as he turns your thighs and backside red-raw with the slap of his belt.
âDonât start crying now, ìêž° â you brought this on yourself.â
He never fails in the aftercare department, though.
Always filling your head with words of affirmation as he bathes you, carrying you to bed and tending to your skin with soothing creams and soft touches.
Hong-jin goes super feral crazy when you call him ì€ëč .
A common honorific used towards any man older than the person using it.
Even if you donât understand the implications of it, Hong-jin does. And yes, it does tend to make him a bit silly.
Silly enough to know that heâs not going to last long and needs to get home ASAP to deal withâŠsomething.
Which he also makes your problem, pressing messy, desperate kisses to your lips as he tries to get his shirt off, your hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat skyrocketing.
âI need you, (Y/N),â he says, breathless, almost growling. Yet, his eyes are wide, pleading. A doe-eyed prince with the aura of a wolf king. âAnd Iâll have every inch of you.â
Alejandro
Pre-established passionate lover.
One who is fiercely protective over you.
If anyone â and I mean anyone â catcalls you, makes passes at you, or even looks at you in the wrong way, Alejandro makes sure to enact righteous fury upon them.
Heâll do whatever it takes to make sure youâre 110% satisfied, regardless of context.
You want a new wardrobe ? Itâs done. A new car ? All yours. You need Alejandro now and it canât wait ? Why, how can he say no when you whine like that, when you tug at his sleeve and tuck your head against his shoulder.
He calls you âmi Princesaâ and makes sure everybody knows youâre his and heâs yours.
A thorough lover is how you might describe him.
Especially after heâs so willing to bend you against the nearest surface to get you off, no matter the time of day.
You can bring him to his knees with just a look. Turn him from the most respected soldier in his department into a feral wolf.
Which, if you play your cards right, can end very well for both of you.
Alejandro likes to play a game whenever youâre riding him.
He grabs you by your hips and anchors you on top of him.
âLetâs see how long you can hold on for, mi CorazĂłn,â he says, flashing you a sultry smile before heâs bucking into you at the pace of a mechanical rodeo horse at full speed.
âHolding onâ can mean anything from not being pounded off Aleâs hips to staving off your orgasm for as long as you can.
Failure to do either is when you see Alejandro at his most wicked. When heâs all teeth, a sharkâs grin, his eyes dark and his voice low as he tells you that he needs to âTrain your endurance. How else are you going to take me again, hm?â
Needless to say, youâll be lucky to be able to get out of bed the next day.
Rodolfo
His heart beats only for you. And as a result, he treats you like royalty.
As he should.
You want it ? You got it.Â
In abundance.
You have the best of everything and Rudy loves nothing more than seeing your face light up when you receive one of his many gifts.
That, and having you sat on his lap, raking your fingers through his hair as he tells you about his day.
He omits the more gruesome details, fearing heâll taint you with the blood on his hands if he doesnât.
Speaking of lap-sitting, itâs your one-way ticket to an eventful afternoon with Rudy.
Cockwarming is his go-to, your legs wrapped about his waist as he fills out reams of paperwork, pressing kisses to your shoulder and telling you âWhat a good girl youâre being, mi amor,â
Be prepared for a tidal wave of praise for doing the bare minimum.
It doesnât matter if Rudyâs topping or bottoming, heâs going to let you know how youâre making him feel, how nobody will ever ensnare him like you do.
âI love you,â he rasps, eyes half-lidded and skin glistening with sweat as you take him.
âI love you, I love you so muchââ He growls, back arching into you as you catch a sensitive area. His chest is heaving and his eyes are dark.
âIâll never let anyone else have you.â
Graves
This guy was made to have a controversially young girlfriend.
Calls you âBabydollâ, âBabygirlâ, âLittle Ladyâ, etc.
He unironically refers to himself as âDaddyâ.
E.g. âYou were eyeinân up that necklace for a while, DarlinââŠâ His hand slips to the crotch of his jeans, rocking his bulge into his palm.
âMaybe if you ask Daddy real nicely, heâll get it for you.â
Heâs actually very caring. Heâd buy you the world if it meant seeing you smile.
He never expects anything from you in return.
He just canât pass up the opportunity to have you in his arms, to touch you.
Graves can tend to go overboard with the gifts, though.
Calls you âyoung thingâ when heâs feeling humourous.
On the flip-side, he can (and will) use your age gap against you. Like Price, but more Southern.
Heâll be very condescending when heâs mad, tending to use terms that undermine how intelligent and capable you really are.
âIf youâd just listened to me and gotten it through your tiny head that Iâm doing whatâs best for you, we wouldnât be in this situation!â
On the flip-flip-side, he uses your age gap as a jumping-off point intoâŠdubious activities.
#1 dumbification kink enjoyer.
Heâs a switch with top lean, what can I say.
âCanât do anything without me, can you, Sweetheart.â Itâs not a question. His eyes are too serious, too stern, for it to be. Heâs pounding into you, hands either side of your head, caging you beneath him.
Between his panting, he presses a wet, uncoordinated kiss to your lips.
âIâll make sure you canât even think without me by the time Iâm done with you.â
Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)
Masterlist
Masterlist [Continued]
Masterpost
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If youâre someone who needs reassurance from loved ones that they love you, thatâs really valid. But the way you ask for it matters. Hinting at it with comments like ânobody loves meâ can actually be hurtful to your loved ones. Itâs also a good idea to try and reassure yourself first!
The truth is that for a lot of people, giving reassurance constantly is exhausting. It can lead to issues in a relationship over time, and negative feelings on both sides because they may end up avoiding the other person. This is especially true if someone doesn't ask for reassurance directly but hints at it with things like "No one cares about me."
My advice is if you are finding yourself struggling is to first try and self soothe either with skills or things that have helped in the past. Here is my post on self-soothing ideas! And if that doesnât work, then ask for it in a healthy way.
Some other examples.
Keep screenshots, letters, cards etc that affirm you are cared about by your loved ones. You can even ask someone to give you a recording of them saying it that you can listen to. Bonus: Keep these things in a self-care box that you can use in times of crisis and pull out that has other things in like affirmation cards, favourite treats, self care items, etc.
Examine the evidence. By this I mean try and keep a list of things they've done to show they care about you. For example, I have a list of things my partner has done for me besides saying "I love you" of both big things and little things that I can read when my brain decides to be rude to me and make me doubt he cares.
If the other person has done something specifically to make you feel they don't care, it's important to step back and look at the situation and check the facts. There's a difference between someone lying to you or doing something intentional and someone not replying to you because they got busy. Hereâs my post on checking the facts!
Hereâs a post on Challenging Irrational Thoughts!
ACCEPTS is a really good skill for distractions! Here's a post on it.
TIPP is a good skill if you are needing to calm down in immediate crisis. Here's a post on it.
If you're having urges to accuse your loved one of not caring, consider Urge Surfing (here's a post on it) and then using a skill or plan that helps you.
If you aren't able to self-soothe that's so valid! It really is. I recommend trying it because sometimes you will be able to. But then sometimes you won't be able to and that's okay. In this case, if you need to get it from someone, ask directly for it instead of doing it in a guilting/passive aggressive/hinting way. You might say "Hey. I know you care about me, but my brain is being rude. Can you please give me some reassurance?" instead of "Sorry I'm such a bad friend/person/burden/etc".
It might also be worth having a conversation when calm with the other person to establish some boundaries and ideas for communication.
For example, if your friend regularly feels drained by you asking for reassurance, they could set boundaries on how often they're okay for you to ask for it.
You both might decide that they will try and message you randomly to offer reassurance because it can mean a lot when that happens.
This might be where they send you messages/recordings/etc that you can read in times of need.
If the friend is doing something specifically, even unintentionally, that makes you question things then it's really valid to have a discussion about it! I recommend using some I-Statements or other communicative skills to talk about it. Even if they aren't doing something wrong, it's still valid to talk about your feelings and see if you can come up with a solution. For example, maybe it's really hard on you that they disappear randomly for a couple days when their energy levels plummet. And this causes you to spiral and think they're ghosting you or etc. In this situation, maybe you and your friend come up with a solution where you establish a single emoji (specific for this purpose) that the friend can send with low energy that says "Hey. It's not you but I'm feeling drained and need to not reply for a bit."
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I need a fic where pregnant reader feels so gross and unattractive but she doesnât realize Soobin is so down bad for pregnant her. Like he goes out of his way to show her just how turned on he is but nothing works, until one day he presses himself against her and it finally clicks for her and she gets the nastiest wetted sex of her life like heâs trying to get her pregnant again like ugh
⧌ đŒ ⧜ ââ GROWING PAINS ă
soobin needs you to know just how much he loves your new bodyă
â⥠pairing ăăchoi soobin x fem!reader !
genre ăăpure smut , fluff !
warning ăăminors do not interact! pregnant!reader , husband!soobin , pregnancy kink , lactation kink , breeding kink , dirty talk , praise kink , sub top!soobin , handjob (m.rec) , oral (f. rec) , mentions of unprotected sex
a/n ăănot proofread ! my first time writing pregnant!reader, so let me know if it sucks! also take a shot every time i use the word ânippleâ lol
⥠âžâž ê° 1.7k ê± â§ ê° m.list ê± â§ ê° reblogs and feedback appreciated! ê±
you had found a lot of solace in baking as of recentâ it was one of the few things you could still do this far along in your pregnancy, big belly and aching joints always getting in the way of everything else. you just couldnât stand the thought of laying around all day, wasting all of your maternity leave doing nothing except waiting for your husband to come home from work. you had to make yourself useful somehow.
you hear the front door open just as you slide your pie into the oven, the soft jingling of keys reaching your ears as your husband drops them in the trinket dish you keep in the hallway. before you can turn to greet him strong arms wrap themselves around your protruding belly, soobinâs tall frame hunched over to bury his face in your neck, plant sweet kisses to your skin.
âiâm home, bunny,â he mumbles against your collarbone, his trail of kisses slowly leading down your shoulder. âhow are my perfect girls doing?â
âhi honey, youâre home early,â you giggle, turning your head to give him a kiss; he hums against your lips, big hands rubbing your belly through the loose dress you wore. he was always extra touchy after getting home from work, but this was odd even for him. he must have had a bad day, you thought. ââm all sore ân tired; the twins woke me up from my nap and i couldnât go back to sleep so i decided to make dessert early so itâll be cooled down by tonight.â
âmm, youâre so good to me. iâm sorry the babies are bothering you, honey,â soobin replied, pressing his body flush against yours. âthe boss let me go early; i finished up that project he wanted done before the deadline, he said i needed to go home and help out my wife. go rest and iâll take care of you, iâve been thinking about you all day, babyâŠ.â
âoh, sweetie⊠well, i wouldnât mind a hand in cleaning up the kitchenââ you start, but stop dead in your tracksâ you can feel soobinâs cock against the swell of your ass, thick and heavy through his slacks. he rocks his hips up against you gently, an almost inaudible whimper falling from the bunny lips he buried in your hair.
âbinnie,â you whimper, arousal pooling in your belly despite your shock, âyouâre hard.â
ââm sorry, bunny,â he groans into your ear, deep and dripping with desire. it knocks the wind out of your lungs, makes you gasp against his lips when he leans in for another, filthier kiss. âyouâre just so sexy, iâve been needing you so bad⊠thinking about your beautiful body all day while trying to get my work done..â
you frown at the words âbeautiful bodyâ, squirming in your husbandâs grip. he notices in an instant, your sweet husband always so perceptive to how you were feeling; whining and pouting those plump bunny lips you adored. âi donât understand why youâre so self conscious⊠god, youâre so perfectâ this is the best youâve ever looked, you look so beautiful carrying my children, baby. it makes me so fucking crazy, you have no ideaâŠâ
âreally..?â you turn to look at him, and his eyes lock with yoursâ the raw hunger you find in his gaze is unlike anything you had ever seen before from your sweet, shy husband.
his hands caressed your tummy and hips, slid up your sides to cup your swollen, sensitive tits, bare underneath your dress. the gentlest squeeze was enough to get you to gasp and moan, your puffy nipples threatening to leak, soobin drinking up your reactions like he wishes to drink your milk. âlet me show you how much i love your body, pleaseâŠâ
âžâž
âbinnie, oh my god, slow down! youâre gonna make me cum again!â you wail, your hands shaking as they tug at the hem of your little dress. you couldnât see your husband over the swell of your belly, but you could feel his lips and tongue hot and heavy against your pussy, sliding up between your pussy lips to swirl around your clit. you were still recovering from the last orgasm he slurped out of you, your pussy drunk husband refusing to let up his onslaught of pleasure even as you cried, begged, and tugged at his hairâ far too soon was that dizzying pleasure building back up in your tummy, your thighs shaking in soobinâs grip as he pushed you further and further to the edge.
âfuck yes, do it, cum for me!â soobin moans with his mouth full, tongue dipping deep into your hole, big hands tightening their grip and tugging you impossibly closer. âcum on my face, baby, please! make a messâ!â
his desperation does you in; you cum again with a sharp cry, your overstimulated little pussy pulsating uncontrollably as soobin eagerly laps up every drop of your release. you soak your thighs, your dress, and the bed underneath youâ and, as soobin presses a kiss to your clit and pulls away from your slippery pussy to shoot you a silly, satisfied smile, you can see that youâve soaked the bottom half of his face as well. it drips from his chin as he crawls up over you, his eyes slowly trailing from your flushed face down to your quivering tits.
and just as he takes in the sight of your heaving chest, his eyes widen and his mouth drops agape. confused, you follow his gaze⊠and take in the sight of two identical wet patches seeping through your white dress, your puffy nipples visible and budding noticeably through the fabric.
you had leaked milk in the midst of your climax.
âoh god,â you whine shamefully, raising your hands to attempt to hide the mess. âiâm so sorry, donât lookââ
soobin grabs your wrists in a rush before you could cover yourself, big brown eyes still glued to your tits. âfuck, bunny..â he marvels, licking his lips, âdid i make you do that? thatâs so sexy, holy shitââ
âs-sexy?â you stammer, shocked at his reaction. soobin nods.
âcan i touch?â he asks in almost a whisper, eyes finally leaving your chest to blink up at you wantonly âplease let me touch you, please..â
a hesitant âokayâŠâ was all that he needed, instantly letting go of your wrists to tug down the top of your dress and take large handfuls of your breasts. more milk leaks out onto his fingers from the rough handling, making him groan deep in his chest as he marvels at the sight of the pearly white droplets cascading down the swell of your tits. your spent, sensitive pussy throbs at the sound, your husband sounding so unbelievably ruined and needy.
âso prettyâŠâ soobin mumbles, wet fingertips beginning to pinch and tweak at your embarrassingly hard nipples. âmy wifeâs so pretty with my babies in her belly. gonna be such a good mommy⊠god bunny, i want to keep you pregnant forever, all full of me, claimed by me, so everyone knows youâre mineâ!â
his fingers tighten harshly around your nipples, the pressure causing your milk to squirt out obscenely; soobin watches in awe, his eyes hazy and unfocused as he pants like a dog, kneads your sensitive swollen tits rougher and rougher. you fist the bedsheets and writhe under his touch, your high-pitched, broken gasps and moans reverberating off the walls of your shared bedroomâ briefly you have half the mind to pray that your neighbors arenât home.
soobin dips his head to nose along the contours of your breast, his hot breath tickling your skin; those spit-slick bunny lips just barely ghost your bud, a jolt of electricity shooting down your spine as his tongue sneaks out to lap the lingering milk off of your skin.
he looks up at you with watery eyes, smirk plastered on his lips at your pathetic whimper. âcan i.. can i have a taste?â he asks quietly, deep voice octaves lower than youâve ever heard it. âlet me taste youâŠplease, baby, i canât take it anymoreâŠâ
you nod desperately, throwing your head back against the pillows, and soobin shoots you a deadly smirk before sealing his lips around your nipple.
he lets out a deep moan as his mouth fills with milk, sucking with a voracious hunger; you cry out in pleasure, letting go of the sheets to grab desperately at his dark hair. you tug mindlessly at the strands as his suction deepens, soobin letting out the prettiest choked whimper that goes straight to your quickly wetting pussy.
he sucks until your tit runs dry, pulling off of your irritated bud with an obscene string of salivaâ wordlessly he moves on to your other neglected nipple, his fingers coming back up to play with the one he released. the combined sensations are almost too much for you, your shaking legs wrapping tight around soobinâs trim waist; you can feel the curve of his rock hard cock grind against your dripping cunt, drenching the thin fabric of his boxers and aiding in the delicious slide of his hot fat shaft against your slit. your pussy suddenly feels so painfully empty, your hips bucking in desperation as soobin empties your other breast of milk. âyou feel what you do to me?â he mumbles against your flesh, hips picking up speed, âfeel how hard you make me?â
the hand you had in soobinâs hair trails down his chest to his straining cock, rubbing his twitching shaft through his boxers; soobin cries out around your nipple, his hips stuttering, and you canât help but giggle as you dip your hand below his waistband.
the tip of his cock throbs an angry red, thick fat shaft slapping wetly against his taut belly. âall this for me?â you purr, gathering the precum dripping from his cockhead to slick up your hand; it only takes a few slow pumps of his cock to get soobin begging, your poor husband wound up and aching for release.
âplease, please baby, let me fuck youâ i gotta fuck you, iâm so hard it hurts,â he whimpers, releasing your tit with a wet pop, âgotta fill you up, put more babies in you⊠gonna be such a happy family..â
what kind of wife would you be to say no?
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tw - mentions of kidnapping/imprisonment, implied alcohol consumption, and reader referred to as 'mother'/'mom' but otherwise gender-neutral.
You let yourself into Arlecchinoâs study exactly four strokes after midnight. Even from the doorway, she could see the crimson stain of wine on your lips, the tell-tale lilt to your posture. Clearly, your chosen habitat that night had been the House of the Hearthâs wine cellar â a not completely unusual pastime of yours, on its own. The fact that you were coming to her after drinking your fill was more notable.
She allowed you to stumble from the doorway to her desk before ever glancing up from the correspondence she was attempting to will herself to finish. Whichever one of her vintages youâd favored, it mustâve given you the strength to withstand the weight of the gaze you were always so quick to shy away from, the courage to all-but lay yourself across the crowded tabletop. Despite your new dauntlessness, your expression was sullen, your eyes glassy with tears yet to flow over. It was a face she was used to seeing in the confines of her chambers, or better yet, on the edge of her knee as she kept you perched in her lap through an otherwise dull meeting. Familiarity alone mightâve been enough to soften her, had she had any idea as to the source of your apparent distress.
 You didnât speak until you were settled. Arlecchino remained patient, limiting herself to a slight smile and the melodic drumming of pointed nails against polished mahogany. âPeruere,â you drawled, her given name a honey-sweet slur on your tongue. âI donât think I can do this.â
âI see.â It took every ounce of her impressive self-restraint not to laugh aloud. âWhat a shame. Remind me exactly what it is we canât do, love?â
âI canât do this.â You gave a sweeping gesture, nearly violent enough to knock yourself off-balance. âItâs not youâI mean, it is you, with the kidnapping and imprisonment and all, but aside from that, I justââ A deep, shuddering breath, followed shortly by a pitchy, almost keening noise. âIâm just not ready to be a mother.â
This time, Arlecchino couldnât stop herself â a single, breathy chuckle slipping past her lips. Your frowned deepened, and she did her best to sober quickly. âIâm sorry, Iââ She steepled her fingers in front of her, leaning forward to rest her chin on the point of intersection. âI suppose I wasnât aware you were going to be.â
If you heard, you clearly werenât listening. Rather unceremoniously, the glass splintered; your thin veneer of composure falling away as the first tear broke free, shortly followed by a second, then a third. She lost count somewhere around the dozenth. âItâs not that I donât love your children,â you started, your voice cracking as you struggled to wipe at your eyes between words. âI mean, I love them all in spite of them being yours, which is actually really impressive because I find you so unbearably off-putting to be around, butâ Iâm sorry, Iâm just not ready for this level of responsibility. Thereâs⊠how many? Fifty of them? Two hundred?â
âMy love.â She pushed herself to her feet, dulling her voice into the softest, smoothest possible coo. âIsnât it about time for you to retire for the night?â
âHow could you possibly want to go to sleep at a time like this?â You were sobbing now, rather unabashedly. All attempts to maintain your dignity had been laid aside in favor of burying your face in your palms and hanging your head almost pitifully low. âI have five hundred kids to take care of!â
Whether you were too distracted to notice her arms wrapping around you or simply too panicked to care, it wouldâve been impossible to say. You failed to protest as she pulled you against her chest, only sniffling miserably and burying your face in her coat. âYou seem to have forgotten that âFatherâ is only a title,â she murmured as gently as she could, letting her lips brush against the top of your head, then your tear-stained cheek. âMost of my children have already grown out of the need for a true mother and father, and I doubt those who havenât view either of us in a very paternal light. Do you understand?â
There was a delay, but she felt you nod against her chest. Arlecchino could only sigh, already moving to exit her study. âLetâs get you to bed, dear.â
~
You were still unconscious by the time she rose the next morning, no doubt putting off the inevitable hangover. She left you where you lied and, after making sure a pitcher of water would be waiting for you when you woke up, went about her obligations.
It was only a few hours later that, during a conversation with Lyney, he seemed to pause, to glance to either side. Whatever heâd planned to say was quickly forgotten in favor of a new tangent. âI donât think Iâve seen mom yet, today.â
At that, Arlecchino perked up. âMom?â
He caught himself quickly, straightening. âMother, I mean. (Y/n). My apologies, Lynette's disregard must be rubbing off on me.â
She took a moment to purse her lips, to do what she often did best and consider the information thatâd been laid at her feet. âLyney,â she said, eventually, when sheâd made up her mind.
âNext time you use that name, make sure your mother is within earshot.â
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Not A Lot, Just Forever
Dean Winchester x Pregnant!Reader
After throwing up morning after morning, the reader discovers her illness isn't what she initially thought.
Word Count: 4.1k
Tags: Pregnancy, unexpected pregnancy, brief description of motel bathrooms, vomiting (repeated), self-blame, mention of reader's mother dying in childbirth, mention of childbirth related deaths, anxiety, brief loss of consciousness, Dean is a sweetheart and will make a great father.
Characters: Dean Winchester, Pregnant!Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel
@ghostlyaccurate requested: "Hii! I'm not sure if I already sent you this request, or if I sent it to someone else (oopsđ€) but could I request a Sam Winchester and/or Dean Winchester x reader (your choice which one of them, if not both sepperately) where he helps reader deal with morning sickness, though he only finds out she's pregnant on the third day in a row that he's with her while she throws up. Ty!!"
Read it on AO3!
A/N: Adrianne Lenker title. I really really loved this request! I feel like writing the pregnancy trope is a sort of hard task to do, so I hope I brought it justice. I love love loved writing this, and I hope you enjoy reading it! Thank you for the request @ghostlyaccurate, and I promise I'm trying my damnedest to work through my inbox <3. Every mistake here is completely and 100% my own and of my own doing. (P.S. can you guess how hard it was to find "aesthetic" pictures of a bathroom and pregnancy tests for the pictures for this fic?? I think the ones I found actually work pretty well! Another thing, what happened to the yellow text color? I use it to tag fluff fics, and it's gone :( ).
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Your head hung over the foul toilet bowl of whatever motel you, Dean, and Sam were holed up in, and a rancid smell invaded your nose. In earnest, you didnât have the slightest idea where you were. The past couple of hours had been filled with a slight fever and the constant need to use Dean as a pillow. Halfway through the drive between towns, you convinced him to switch out driving with Sam so he could join you in the back seat.
The worn tile of the bathroom floor offered you minimal comfort, and the fact youâre supposed to be up for a case in two hours made your stomach churn over again. Ditching your normal avoidance of motel bathrooms, you gripped the edge of the toilet and emptied your stomach again.
âY/N?â Deanâs groggy voice called out from behind the door, âAre you okay in there sweetheart?â
You squeezed your eyes together, cursing yourself for being loud enough to wake him up. Sneaking out from his arms was a feat enough already, trying to suppress the sound of you losing your guts at four in the morning wasnât going to happen; even in a perfect world.
âNo,â you groaned as he softly opened the door, âI feel like shit De, and you know how much I hate throwing up. And how much I hate motel bathrooms.â You whined. Your hair was falling to the front of your face and you were cursing whoever decided a bathroom didnât need a working air vent.
Dean hummed softly, pulling the hair back from your face and holding it with one hand as he sat behind you on the floor. He pressed his lips to the back of your head softly, and gently traced shapes on your collarbone as you laid back on him.
âJust breathe, Iâve got you if you need to go at it again.â He said softly, cradling you in his lap as you tried to breathe. He ran his hand through your hair as your breathing started to hiccup less, and eventually, he sat you on the closed toilet lid to get you water.
You felt ashamed to be keeping him up at this hour. Your phone clock read 5:13 AM, almost an hour past when youâd originally gotten up. He already doesnât get enough sleep as is, and here you are sitting, waiting for him to get back like you arenât able to take care of yourself.
âHere you go, drink slowly. Did you use the mouthwash I gave you?â He asked as he handed you his water bottle. He stood across from you, tucking his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. You nodded softly, gratefully gulping down the contents of the bottle.
The bags under his eyes were already enough to make you feel guilty. Hunters were used to running on minimal sleep, but with you around, heâd just gotten into the six-hour range. He rubbed his face, inhaling like he normally did when he was trying to make a decision. You didnât want to go out for the case. You barely wanted to move your body to get back in bed and salvage what little sleep you could before life kicked you back into gear.
âDo you want to stay here while Sam and I talk to the family?â Dean asked as if he could read your mind.
I love you so damn much. You thought, bowing your head with a sigh of relief. You didnât want to be the one to bring up staying in; neither of you ever wanted to admit you needed breaks, but if the other one was to bring it up, it made the process easier.
You nodded, pushing yourself to your feet as he opened the door for the two of you, âyeah, I think thatâs best for all of us. Donât need me puking in the victimâs bathroom as you guys ask your questions.â You tried to joke as you and Dean crawled back into bed, tucking yourself into his arms, and splaying your legs haphazardly on top of his.
The next morning wasnât any better.
Sam and Dean had come home late from questioning the family, and you were barely aware of them unloading the Chinese food they brought for you. Dean sat with you against his chest, still half-dressed as an FBI agent, as you wolfed down the egg rolls he got. You found yourself starving when they offered you food, but now you regretted eating anything at all.
You found yourself hung over the toilet again, but thankfully only had to put up with one round of saying goodbye to your lunch. You were able to get yourself up and over to the sink, where you repeated Deanâs routine from the morning before.
You leaned against the counter in the small kitchen, Deanâs water bottle filled with tap water in your hand. You turned to dump the rest in the sink when the creak of a floorboard behind you had you spinning on your heel in record time.
âJesus Christ, Dean. Why are you up?â You asked in a hushed tone, placing your hand over your racing chest.
âI could ask you the same thing,â He crossed the small room and came over to embrace you in his arms, âdid you get sick again?â He asked innocently, but the combination of those words, and the pitiful shift of his eyes was enough to make you feel like a child. You were a grown woman, you knew damn well how to take care of yourself much before the Winchesters were in your life.
You huffed in annoyance, pulling back from Deanâs chest. You felt your face begin to heat up, and it felt like anything Dean could say had the chance to send you over the edge.
âYes, I did. Right now, I feel like my body is too hot and too tight for my bones, and I also feel like anything you say is going to make me hit the roof. Even if itâs nice, I just donât think my brain can take in any more words without wanting to jump ship.â You said you rubbed your temples. Things like this had happened occasionally in the past, and before Dean, you figured it was just because you were a rigid person. One night a particularly bad migraine had led to you yelling at him because he offered to get you some medicine. Instead of just leaving you to stew, like every other partner did, he simply asked you to explain what you were feeling. No judgment, no interruptions, and heâd do whatever you said would make you feel better in that moment.
Now, whenever you felt overwhelmed, he did the same. Heâd swallow any sarcastic comment or solution to your problem and listen to you. No matter what was bothering you, at whatever hour of the day, he was at your side, doing what you asked of him without hesitation.
He just nodded, pressing his lips to your forehead before he led you back to the bed you two were sharing for the case. His body threw off heat like a bonfire, and your normally freezing hands were appreciative of that. In this moment, however, it felt like you were burning from the inside out.
You adjusted yourself between the sheet and the comforter, so the two of you could still touch without pressing your skin together. Dean waited for you to still before he made himself comfy, and he gently ran his fingers through the ends of your hair.
âIs this okay right now? Do you want me to leave you be?â He asked, in as soft of a voice as he could. You hummed, smiling at the tingling sensation running through you. Comfort, and a warmth that wasnât burning to the touch, crawled up your back, and into your head. You tried to focus your eyes for a couple of seconds more, but without your control, they forcefully fluttered shut.
âY/N.â
Sheet tangled between your limbs, and you could see the light through your closed eyes. Opening them, you find an unexpected sight. Instead of Dean, or Sam, standing at your bedside, the trench coat-clad angel youâd met five years ago stood awkwardly, waiting for you to fully wake up.
âCas,â you rubbed your eyes as you sat up, âwhat are you doing here? Whereâs Sam and Dean?â You asked.
Cas sighed and sat at the end of your bed. He shot you a quick look, before focusing his eyes on the blank wall in front of him. He tapped his fingers on his legs, a habit he picked up from Sam.
âDean called me and told me you were sick. I came in, and told him Iâd try and cure whatever⊠ailment is afflicting you.â
You smiled at the way he spoke, and the fact Dean went out of his way to try and help you out, but there was something off about Castielâs demeanor. You sat up and touched his arm to get his attention.
âCas, whatâs wrong? Did something happen that I should know about?â You asked softly.
âI think youâre pregnant, Y/N.â He looked at you, and there was a rift of guilt lingering in his eyes.
A course of confusion and shock coursed through your body before you felt a rotting pit settle at the bottom of your stomach.
âWhy would you⊠think that, Cas?â You felt a tightness taking over your throat, rubbing your hand across your neck to try and loosen it.
âI can sense life forms. Human ones, at least. It was hard to tell with Sam and Dean here, but once they left I was able to confirm my suspicions.â
Your hand traveled to your lower abdomen before your mouth spat out a request without thinking.
âPregnancy tests. Can you get me some, please? I just,â you ran your hand across your forehead quickly, âI want to confirm, using non-magical means.â
Cas nodded, âof course. Iâm going to assume you donât want me to let Dean know?â
You nodded your head before swinging your legs over the side of the bed. Deep down, you knew Cas was right. You were late by a few days, but youâd chalked it up to the illness thatâs kept you on the bench for this case. You didnât usually react as poorly as youâve been to an illness, even when youâd gotten a terrible case of Pneumonia.
Getting up from the bed, you walked into the bathroom as Castiel vanished to get you a couple tests. Looking to the mirror, youâre met with a form of you that was a little scary; purple, slightly-puffy eyes, smeared makeup that hadnât been washed off from days before, and your skin was breaking out in places it hadnât before.
Dean hadnât said a word about it, but even someone as blissfully ignorant as him had to have noticed the way your face wasnât looking like your own.
Dean.
Youâd have to tell Dean you were pregnant, with his child. That youâre going to be parents.
What if he didnât want to be a father at thirty-six?
Children werenât one hundred percent out of the question, but they were longer down the line in huntersâ lives. If you were lucky enough to get out of the life unscathed and find someone who would want to settle down with, youâd likely be creeping into your mid-forties, at best. Mary had gotten lucky with John, but now theyâd both been taken away by the thing theyâd spent half of their marriage avoiding.
What if you werenât ready to be a mother at thirty-five?
For you, it wasnât the question of wanting to have kids, but you never saw you or your boyfriend backing out from hunting anytime soon. To add on, youâd heard of many nasty births that ended in fatality for the infant or the mother, including your own. Every time you and the boys were on a case involving a child, youâd be extra reckless. Dean picked this up within the first couple of times youâd almost gotten yourself killed to save a kid, and you explained your fear to him. The fear of a mother not being able to welcome her child home in her arms, or the child not seeing his mother again, and their fate lying in your hands. Youâd already ripped apart your family, and you tried your damnedest to keep as many together as possible.
A ruffle of feathers and a sharp knock on the bathroom door snapped you out of your thoughts.
âYou can come in, Cas.â
Wordlessly, the angel stepped into the small motel bathroom holding a plastic bag. He pulled out three different pregnancy tests and set them on the counter.
âThe woman working there said I should get a couple just in case one doesnât work like it should.â He said as you picked up the first test. âIâm telling the truth, but I understand you wanting to confirm this to yourself.â
I know Cas, you thought, but you didnât say a word. Instead, you stared at him, waiting for him to leave the bathroom, but he had a blank look on his face and didnât move a muscle.
âCas, Iâm going to need you to leave the bathroom for me to do this.â
âOh, sorry. Of course. I forgot how âhands-onâ human tests can be. I apologize.â He said blatantly before stepping out of the bathroom and shutting the door behind him.
Fuck me.
Thatâs what got you into this in the first place, dumb ass.
After twenty disgustingly long minutes in the decrepit motel bathroom, you walked out holding four positive tests. Cas was sitting on Samâs bed, staring out the window, but immediately stood up and crossed the room to you. You handed him the tests, and he placed them on the table between the two beds.
âHow do you feel?â He asked. Another thing he picked up from his years on earth was the ability to know when to ask what questions.
You felt blank. Void of answers and solutions to the situation at hand. Whether or not to turn left, or right.
âI⊠donât know what to do, Cas.â Your voice broke along with the tears you were holding back, and a sinking feeling of hopelessness began to dig its way through your head.
Neither you nor Dean are ready to be parents. What if Deanâs angry? He would never kick you out of the bunker. The bunker is the only real home any of you have had in a long time, but is it safe? Is the world safe enough to bring a baby into? A Winchester baby, who would no doubt be a target from birth. What if the baby doesnât make it to full term? What if this baby kills you like you killed your own mother?
âY/N,â Cas placed his hand on your shoulder, âIâm going to ask you to take a breath.â He drew his hand up and waited for you to inhale. Taking in a shuddered breath, you followed the flow of his hand, stopping your heart from running up your throat.
âThank you.â You said, sitting down on your bed and grabbing the pregnancy tests off the nightstand. Two pluses, two double lines. You and Dean were careful and used a condom whenever you found extra time together, but somehow God decided that rubber wasnât going to work as intended.
âI think Iâm going to just lay here,â you tuck yourself under the bed sheets once more, the tests shoved into your pajama pants, âand wait for Dean and Sam to get home. Iâll get him out of this stuffy ass room and tell him in private. Sam shouldnât have to witness if we- if we argue. I know it makes him feel awful.â
âThatâs a smart plan. You need to take this one step at a time and do it carefully. I know Dean cares for you deeply, but if you need someone to support you, all you have to do is call for me.â Cas squeezed your shoulder reassuringly.
âThank you, Cas.â You yawned, pulling your body further under the covers of the bed. Castiel smiled slightly, before turning away and disappearing with a familiar rush of wings flapping.
Your body was covered head to toe in sweat, and the bed sheet you wrapped around yourself was thrown onto the floor. No light entered the room, and the time on the alarm clock read 1:43. Your stomach churned in a familiar way, and as you got to your feet you finally noticed neither of the boys were in the room.
You clambered to the bathroom, phone in hand, trying to call Dean. One hand braced on the toilet, and the other tried to thumb down to his contact. There wasnât any time to think about the fact you were carrying a baby inside of you, the baby whose father is missing in the middle of the night with no calls or messages.
They always call. You thought before you set your ringing phone on the floor to throw up for the first time that morning. The phone rang, the sound slowly driving you insane each time you redialed Deanâs number between dry heaving into the bowl.
Your hair was sticking to your forehead, poorly swept away and held back by a rubber band you found on the sink. The heat, the pain, and the fear of losing contact with the Winchester brothers combined with the reality of you being pregnant was finally built up enough to break the swarm of emotions you barely choked down when Cas was in the room earlier.
Eyes burning, you slumped against the sink cabinet and brought your phone to your ear as you called Dean once again. You let out a sob, tears rushing down your face and neck, leaving behind a slightly burning trail. Your breathing became uneven, the sound of your own heart drumming through your ears drowning out the ring of your phone. Letting your phone slip to the floor, you brought your knees to your chest and folded your arms as a nest for your forehead.
Neither of the boys called within the twenty minutes you were in the bathroom, your phone was now close to being dead, and no muscle in your body wanted to obey your brain telling them to move and do something. You werenât a weak woman, you took the cards you were dealt and tried your best to win, but sometimes all you could do was fold.
âY/N? Y/N?â
A hand pulled your face from your knees, and you could barely see with the light of the bathroom now on and blinding you. A warm hand rested against your cheek while another briefly touched your forehead.
âHelp me get her up, Sammy,â your eyes fluttered closed and you felt two arms hook under both your arms, laying them over shoulders as your feet lightly dragged across the floor.
âIâve never seen her this bad, Dean.â The voice you now recognized as Sam said. Your legs were swept up from under you and you were laid on the bed youâd crawled out of.
You felt the tests still pressing in your pockets, and you thanked whatever greater being was willing to listen. There was no way you wanted to Dean to discover that information on accident.
Dean.
The other voice was Dean.
You moron, who else would it be?
The bed next to you dipped down, and you felt a gentle hand tuck a few stray hairs behind one of your ears. The sweat covering you was sucking every inch of clothing to your skin, and all you wanted to do was peel either of the pair off.
âI thought Cas was going to come here and help her out,â you heard his voice straining as he spoke, and you felt your heart snap in two.
You moved your hand, as heavy as it felt, and squeezed the first part of him you touched.
âSweetheart,â you could feel Deanâs breath as he hovered over you, âyouâre scaring me here.â
âCasâŠâ you gave out a heavy cough, âhe came. He helped me figure out whatâs been happening.â
A glass of water was brought to your mouth, and you took every drop of it. After swallowing the cup, your eyes finally were able to open. You were greeted by a worried Dean hovering very close to you, and a worried Sam crossing back from the kitchen holding Deanâs water bottle.
Sam set the bottle on the bedside table and sat on his bed, facing you and Dean. Deanâs attention was solely on you. His hands grabbed both sides of your face and brought his lips to your forehead, before resting against it.
âHey,â you said, chuckling slightly, âI didnât mean to scare you, De. You, or Sam.â You sat yourself up in bed.
âDid Cas tell you whatâs wrong?â Sam asked, looking at you expectantly.
âHe did, but⊠is it okay if I talk to Dean? Alone?â You asked softly.
Sam shot Dean a look, which Dean promptly returned with one that had Sam standing up, and walking into the hall.
Orange rays of light shone from the window of the room, and you could just barely see the sun climbing on the horizon. Dean moved to hold you in bed while you gained the composure to tell him you were both parents.
âDeanâŠâ you breathed steadily, trying to even your heartbeat that was ramping up once more, âI have to tell you something-â
âI kinda gathered as much sweetheart,â he said lightly, lines forming around his forest-lorn eyes beautifully.
â- itâs important. I mean, itâs going to change our lives, for the rest of our lives.â
Deanâs face became more serious, pulling you to face him as he crossed his legs.
âYou know you can tell me anything, Y/N.â
Do it, now. Just say-
âIâm pregnant.â
The air hung heavy around the pair of you as you handed him the tests in your pocket, and you could see the clocks turn in Deanâs mind as he stared down at them.
âBut we used a rubber?â He said, and you could guess where his thoughts were wandering.
âWe did, but youâre the only person Iâve been with for years, Dean, I need you to believe me when I say that.â You said reassuringly as you could without sounding like you were lying.
His face broke into a small smile, and he brought his thumb to trace over your lower cheek, âI know, sweetheart. I trust you with my heart, I just know not to use that brand anymore, seems like their effectiveness is questionable.â
You laughed, tears drying in your eyes as you pushed at him playfully, âDean! You gave me a heart attack, you son of a bitch!â
âIâm sorry, Iâm sorry okay!â He laughed, capturing you in a giant bear hug and rolling you on top of him. You looked down at him and brought your lips down to his.
âYouâre going to be a father,â you said, beaming at him while smiling the hardest youâd ever in the longest time
âYouâre going to be a mother,â he replied, smiling just as hard. Your face fell slightly, and the word mother finally kicked into your head. âHey,â Dean said as he saw your face shift, somehow remembering the story you told him all those years ago, âRemember, weâve got an angel on speed dial, and you know how hard it is to take out a Winchester.â
Your heart warmed at the statement, the baby inside of you was just as much L/N as it was Winchester. You loved Dean with your heart, as did he love you, and now the two of you were going to brace the dangerous world youâd spent years protecting with the amalgamation of that love.
You brought Deanâs hand to your stomach as he brought his other hand to your face. His calloused fingers were gentle on your skin, and small crinkles formed around his eyes as he smiled, holding his hand at your stomach as you gazed back at him.
A knock sounded at the door, making you turn your head around before you and Dean burst into laughter, and told Sam he could come back in the room to tell him the news.
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FINALLY CLOSING THE GAP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR HIGHEST SELF IN 2024.
You are going to STOP scrolling endlessly for self-help and advice content and you are going to STOP and apply the knowledge you have endlessly gained. Obtaining help and advice knowledge is useless if it goes through one ear and comes straight out the other. STOP becoming addicted to the idea of scrolling and scrolling for your problems yet you already have the resources to fix them. A fool is a person who cannot decide to take action despite having access to the information needed to do so.
BREAKING FREE FROM THE SCROLLING CYCLE
Learning and Applying is one thing, but Learning and Staying Stationary is literally brain rot. You're addicted to the idea of change and the end result, but you never take the steps towards discipline with a personal structure to get that result. You keep looking for quick fixes and easy hacks, but life is not a quick fix and no hack can elevate your life from 0% to 100% without visiting the rest of the numbers first.
TAKE A BREAK FROM SCROLLING
Take time away from your usual scrolling and learn to be on your own. Learn your own ways of self-care, learn what works for you and understand what you need, because nobody is the same. Following a millionaire's morning routine will not make you a millionaire. This routine has worked for someone to feel and be productive in the morning and was probably curated over the years to suit their current lifestyle. So, seeing other people's successes and comparing their working ways to your life is unrealistic if you are not in a position to implement them. Going straight from 0% (Being unproductive and procrastinating) to 100% (Being incredibly Productive and in tune with self) will not be sustainable for someone who has not built the discipline and the inner foundations required for it. STOP seeing information online and taking it without ALTERING anything to your personal situation.
STOP ASKING HOW TO AND JUST DO
"How to lose weight, How to become more social, How to do this and that"
Most of these things you ALREADY know the answer to. Everybody knows that to lose weight, you need to burn more than you consume. There is literally no other way, no magic and no secret hack, just that simple fact.
I guarantee you know that to become more social you just have to be social. Learn to be comfortable in social situations which will require inner work, but it's not a difficult concept. Most of us know what we need to do, yet we still try to find quick fixes or another way that same message is presented to us differently. We act as if we are improving and developing on our "improvement" journey yet we are just finding coping ways to feel like we are moving, yet we are still in the exact same place as before.
I know you know what to do, I know you have researched what you should do and ways you can do it. So why are you not doing it? Why are you still not where you want to be? If you are not where you want to be, then what you're currently doing needs to change. You cannot do the exact same thing you've been doing for years and expect a different outcome. You need to curate a routine suited to your needs that is realistic and achievable to adopt.
LEARNING TO MOVE ON YOUR OWN, STOP DEPENDING ON OTHERS TO FUEL YOUR SUCCESS JOURNEY
LISTEN TO: NOBODY IS COMING TO SAVE YOU BY JULIENHIMSELF
Make yourself your safe space, your foundation. When you see yourself in the mirror you should be able to tell yourself "I love you", you should be so sure in what you do that nobody else can contradict what you believe in yourself, this is the end goal of self-improvement. Many of us have put aside our goals because we "are not ready", "people may judge us" or "I need to be/achieve ___ to.."
Now don't get me wrong, I'm on this journey with you. I write on this blog to teach my brain how to think in the higher mindset that I'm creating for myself. I too have thoughts like this which is why in 2024 we are going to break out of our old selves to make room for our new selves together. We have to lose ourselves to find ourselves. If you're mood and self-worth are controlled by other people's opinions, then you will never advance further with yourself and will remain stationary. You have to stop allowing other people to determine whether you are allowed to pursue your desires or if you shouldn't because of fear of rejection. Don't take life too seriously, we are only here for so much time. So what if people make fun of you? In a few years will you look back and be proud and fulfilled of your past or feel regret and disappointment?
LISTEN TO: WHY YOU CARE SO MUCH BY JULIANHIMSELF
+
LISTEN TO: HOW TO DETACH BY VICKITA TRIVEDI
The only way to get to 0%-100% is by doing.
Embody your potential
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Midnight's Embrace
summary: you canât recall the last time you had a real, good night of sleep. your fight with the netherbrain is approaching fast and your anxiety is only increasing. halsin proposes to try a special brand of herbs to alleviate your mind. turns out this herb also awoke something else in you.
rating: E
word count: 3k
pairing: astarion x you x halsin (fem!reader)
cw: 18+. smut, porn with no plot, late act 3 business, reader is tav, massage turning into something more, polyamory, reader is sandwiched between her two bfs, recreational drug use, stoned sex, mildly dubious consent due to drug intake (reader & astarion), praise kink, threesome, dry humping, blood/vampire bites, unprotected sex, anal fingering and penetration, double penetration, creampie, aftercare, overall sane safe and as consensual as one can be under the influence.
a/n: taking a smol break from my angsty writing to deliver some smut goodness. hope you enjoy! (i sure did)
a/nÂČ: this is absolutely self-indulgent stuff and i will not be sorry about it. i wish i had two loving boyfriends fucking me while i was high, is that so much to ask
read on ao3
or keep reading down below ~
You canât recall the last time you had a real, good night of sleep.
Since your arrival in Baldurâs Gate, your nights have been restless, and your anxiety related to your upcoming fight with the Netherbrain has only increased. Itâs not uncommon for you to wake up sweating in the middle of the night, panting, and checking your surroundings. You feel as if youâre only one inconvenience away from crumbling and your lovers are worried about you. You keep trying to reassure them that youâll be fine once the Netherbrain is dealt with, but they wonât hear you out; youâve only ever taken care of your companions since the start. Everyone has found their peace but you.Â
Halsin and Astarion urged you to start to focus on yourself, and you wanted to, but the truth is you had no idea where to start; you were used to taking care of everyone else, your own wellbeing never crossed your mind. One night, after Astarion feeds on you, he mentions how tense you are, and that he would gladly massage your neck to help with the tension you've accumulated. This makes you think about asking your other companions about their own techniques to decompress. Throughout the day, you ask around: âwhat do you do when youâre stressed out?â Shadowheart mentions that she meditates and stretches, and while itâs not a bad idea, with your mind constantly racing, you doubt youâd be able to easily meditate. Laeâzel mentions practice dueling, which she usually partakes with Wyll, and although it seems to be working for them, you wanna try to avoid more fighting before your upcoming fight.Â
Thatâs when Halsin tells you about the medicinal benefits of some herbs, and how they could help you relax. Although youâve never tried, youâre open to the idea; youâll try anything that could potentially ease your night terrors. You spend the next day marching the streets to reach an herb shop. As you enter, a lady greets you cheerfully, offering her help to find you exactly what you need. They offered a great variety of consumables infused with their many strands available : pastries, desserts, drinks and potions, candies; if you could imagine it, they had it. The lady explains the effect each of their products have and their specialities. After looking around, you settle on a cookie with Midnightâs Embrace, a sleep inducing herb. You thank her and head back to the Elfsong for the night.
You finish your meal with the special cookie and soon after, you bid your companions goodnight before fetching your partners to accompany you through the night. After all, you still intend on holding Astarion to his word about that massage he mentioned the other night, and Halsin promised to be by your side as this was your first time consuming something like this.
You had reserved the room with the biggest bed they had, just for this occasion. You reach for the bed first, lying comfortably on your chest, ready for your long-awaited massage. Halsin is next to join you, removing his shirt to get comfortable before sitting next to you with his back against the headboard, and Astarion joins soon after, kneeling behind you. The pale elf straightens up before laying his hands on your back, wasting no time to work through the knots in your tired muscles. The relief you feel is almost instant.
Halsin combs through your hair, pushing it aside to reveal your blissful face. âHow are you feeling?â
âSooooo good. A massage was the best idea.â
As it turns out, the massage combined with the herb-induced dessert enhanced each other, as the effect of the cookie you ingested earlier had already started settling in. When the lady mentioned they were âfast-actingâ, you didnât expect almost spontaneous-acting. Your skin feels more sensitive â in a good way â but you know that itâs the effect of the drugs, as if every touch was the softest caress youâve received, and you found yourself leaning in the vampire's strong and graceful grip, only wanting more. As he makes his way to your lower back, a few unconscious moans escape your mouth before you can stop them.Â
âI take it that youâre enjoying yourself, then?â Astarion asks, smiling, in response to your moaning.
âItâs just⊠your handsâŠâ you sigh content, leaning into his touch. âThey feel amazing.â
âI'm happy to provide, my love.â
His dexterous hands turn you to putty and you wish you could feel more, every inch of your body yearning for attention. He keeps working on your back while you reach out to Halsin, his much bigger hand holding yours tightly. You slightly turn your head to be able to look at him.
âI⊠want you to touch me too.â
âTell me where you need me, my heart.â
âCan you hold me? I want to be held by you two.â
The two men look at each other in understanding before repositioning themselves on each side of you ; Astarion hugging your waist from behind, nuzzling himself in the crook of your neck, and Halsin sheltering you in his arms, his head resting on top of yours.
The effects of the cookie kept getting stronger : you felt lighter, more peaceful and happier, your mind was clear from any lingering anxiety, only taking in the love surrounding you. In the comfort of their arms, you let your hands roam over the archdruid's chest, exploring each crevasse. The drugs made you more sensitive, especially down there, and it doesnât take you long to feel a familiar warmth pool down to your stomach. You gently rub your thighs together, chasing the feeling growing between your legs, when you feel the man behind you slightly pull away.Â
âHold on, are youââ He raises his head to look down your waist, âOh, you little devil. You are touching yourself!â
It seems that you had lost all awareness, not realizing your movements were brushing against Astarionâs groin. Your blood rushes to your face and you suddenly feel warm, âIâ Gods, I didn't realizeââ
He clicks his tongue, âNone of that. We're here for you to feel better, remember? Now, tell us, what does your heart desire?â
âIâŠâ You feel bashful for all the thoughts swirling around your mind, unable to speak them aloud: you wish to be taken at once by both of your lovers, having them make you feel whole as they fill you with their love, touch, kiss, bite, every part of your body. Surely, you're influenced by the herbs, but you can't deny that even sober, the thoughts have crossed your mind. The drugs simply allowed them to wander freely and amplify them slightly.Â
You finally manage to get a few words out, barely expressing the full extent of your carnal desires, âI want you⊠Both⊠to⊠massage me⊠everywhere.â
Halsin cups your face softly, kissing your forehead before getting up. âLet's get you comfortable, shall we?â
You nod hazily, and he helps you remove your camp clothing, before removing the rest of his own, leaving you both naked on the bed. While Halsin was helping you dress down, Astarion allowed himself to remove his own shirt, providing you the skin-on-skin you desired from both of them, all the while respecting his own boundaries. Now comfortably nestled between your lovers, you let your hands explore the man facing you. His warmth is overwhelming and you can't stop touching him, languidly going over his chest and shoulders, your concentration faltering.
âI believe our beloved is rather hungry tonight,â Astarion says, smiling.
The archdruid makes eye contact with you, lovingly holding your cheek, âIs this what you want, my love?â
âYes, please, I've never wanted anything more,â you plead, now with a breathy voice.
Halsin gives you a soft smile and his lips meet yours in a passionate kiss. Your hips buck on their own, brushing over Halsinâs cock already awakening to your touch
Astarion keeps massaging your tits, never letting you go from his embrace and starts kissing your neck.
âDo you like that, my sweet?â He said between two kisses.
âY- yes⊠please⊠more.â
He drags his hand alongside your body, his nails lightly grazing your skin, tracing every curve, every scar and mark on your body, leaving goosebumps in its trail, before landing over your ass.
âLike this?â He asks with a husky voice.
âYesâŠâ you breathe out.
Halsin follows Astarion's lead, his own hand caressing your side before landing on your thigh, lifting it up to hook your leg around his waist.
âHow about this?â
His hand finds its way to your cunt, softly stroking along your entrance.
You sigh content, your hips bucking into him more, trying to make his fingers enter you.
âMoreâŠI need moreâŠâ
The archdruid slides his finger inside you, giving you exactly what you want and you moan, letting your nails dig in the muscles of his arm. He steadies his rhythm and your hand finds its way in Astarion's hair, pulling him closer to you. His lips reach your ear, guided by your hand.
âBy the gods, you're so beautiful,â he says, nibbling on your ear, getting a whimper out of you, as he leaves a trail of kisses down the nape of your neck.
The attention from your lovers makes you squirm under them as every inch of you is yearning for more contact. Halsin rewards your movements by entering you with a second finger and you cry out of pleasure.
âKeep singing for me my love,â Halsin says.
His fingers working your cunt and his thumb rubbing over your clit only awaken something stronger in you.
âPlease Halsin, I need you.â
âYou will have me, my heart.â
Your other hand reaches for his cheek, forcing him to look into your eyes, âAll of you.â
He reads the urgency in your gaze and he removes his finger from you, giving them a taste and humming at your essence.
âBy the Oak Father, you taste like the sweetest of honeys, my love.â His voice is deep, but soft; you can hear the admiration he holds for you, your body, your soul, and it only makes you want him even more.
He places his cock at your entrance before slowly pushing in fully, and you hold onto his face, taking in deep breaths as he gives you time to adjust to his size.Â
âLook at youâŠâ Astarion whispers close to your ear. âYou're taking him so well, my love,â he rewards you by groping your nipples, lightly pinching them in the process.
You arch your back at the sensation, giving him easier access to not only your breast, but your neck as well, and his mouth instinctively finds its way to the familiar spot of his feeding. His cold tongue traces over your pulsating vein, seemingly asking for permission, and yet, you were the one reduced to a pleading mess.
âPlease...â
He hums in the crook of your neck and you feel his smile against your skin, âPlease what?â
Your chest rises higher with each breath you take âBite me.â
He holds your head back by lightly pulling your hair and sinks his teeth into your neck. You cry out at the initial sting and quickly get lost in the feeling. The flow of your blood leaving your body is even more ecstatic than usual; as if you could feel the blood in every vein in your body being pulled away as Astarion drank from you ravishingly. Knowing your limits and accounting for the condition you're in, he pulls back earlier than usual, and you whine at the loss of his mouth only to moan more as Halsin finally starts moving inside you. What the vampire hadnât thought of was the effect your blood was going to have on him, now that it was mixed with the drugs you took earlier. It wasn't rare for him to get hard drinking from you, but he usually dismissed the feeling since you've discussed taking things slow. This time however, his cock felt rock hard and the drugs now flowing through him made him chase the feeling that the fabric rubbing over him was providing.
He grabs your waist, grinding into your back, while Halsin pumps in and out of you with slow strokes. With any restraint gone, Astarion pushes his hips into you, rubbing himself down through his trousers. By now, his need is clearly showcased by the pre-come stain on his pants, and the head of his cock poking out of his waistband, flushed pink by your blood running through it.
Halsin notices Astarion's mood change and he reaches out to hold his face, bringing him back to him, before he can act on impulse.
âDo you want this?â
His eyes are sincere and caring; granted the reasons they're in this situation is for you, but that doesn't undermine their own needs as well. Astarion nods, affirming his consent, before freeing his erection to show his intentions. Now certain that his lover wanted this as much as himself, Halsin made sure you were ready for them.
He cups your face and gently strokes your cheek. As if he had read your mind earlier, he asks, âDo you think you can take us both, my heart?âÂ
âYes,â your voice is merely a whisper, but the lust you express is clear nonetheless.Â
He removes himself from inside of you to wet his fingers with your juices, only to take them back out to move them down to your tight hole. His finger coated by your slick gently enters your ass and you gasp at the sensation, surprised at first, but welcoming it as you push down against him. He slides a second finger and you moan in pleasure.
âThat's my good girl.â
He prepares your hole, making sure you're accustomed to the feeling, then removes his fingers to spit in his hand, now to prepare Astarion for you. He grasps the vampire's length and slowly strokes him. Astarion hisses at the initial contact, but quickly melts into his touch, bucking his hips into Halsin's wet hand. The archdruid aligns his partner's cock at your tight entrance while he positions himself back against your pussy, ready to enter you again. He asks for one final permission.
âAre you ready, my love?âÂ
With partly lidded eyes, you nod and whisper a faint yes, and he grabs the back of your neck, pulling you in for a kiss, while his hips and Astarion's thrust into you at once.Â
You cry into his mouth, both overwhelmed by their sizes and the friction having both of them at the same time provided, and behind you, the vampire growls, steadying himself inside your ass. Having both him and Halsin inside you like this was a sensation you couldnât begin to describe. Itâs everything you ever wanted, you feel whole, but also vulnerable; you were entirely at their mercy, and you wouldnât be able to get out from their strong hold on you, especially not in the state youâre in. You're completely helpless, caged between their imposing arms and legs, and yet, youâve never felt more safe than you do right at this moment. For once, you could let go, let yourself be guided, your life between their hands.
Youâre brought back to the moment when they start moving, picking up a slow and steady pace, and you let yourself be used by them; while one pulls out, the other enters you fully. Youâre rendered speechless, reduced to moans and soft cries, but your lovers make sure to fill in for your silence.
âYou feel so good.â The voice behind you groans close to your ear. His grip on your hips tightens, with his sharp nails lightly digging into your soft skin.
âSo deliciously wet, just for us.â A honeyed voice praises you more and you start to lose your hold.
âGods, youâre so fucking tight.â
âYou're doing so well.â
Their words of praise worked like a charm on you, and they knew the effect it had on you. They noticed how you reacted to encouragement on the battlefield, and it applied just as much in bed.Â
âMy love.â
âMy good girl.â
The shock to your mind hits you like lightning. You convulse between them, crying out as electricity runs through you, your walls tightening against their cocks, milking them dry.Â
âUgnnh I'mâ ah fuck- I'm close.âÂ
âMnh- my heart, Iâm gonna comeâ.â
You're still going through your first orgasm when you feel a second one hitting you brutally as they shoot ropes of come inside both of your holes, leaving you overflowing from them.
The sensation numbs you out entirely, still spasming around their members, but completely spent and breathless. Your mind is blank, with nothing but pure bliss swirling around. As if you were between two worlds, switching from dream to reality, you barely feel your lovers pull out of you and move around, cleaning themselves and you. You think you hear a distant voice saying âletâs get you cleaned upâ as youâre lifted up from the bed. You donât notice Astarion removing the ruined sheet, but too tired of his own to care about replacing it with another, and snuggling back in bed. Youâre laid down next to him and you instinctively reach out for him; your hand reaching out for his, laying close to his undead heart, and your forehead leaning over his shoulder. Finally, the archdruid slides behind you, covering you three with a warm blanket, his arm circling over your waist. At long last, you let yourself drift to sleep in his loving embrace.
For the first time in weeks, you get a real, good night of sleep.
~
Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3
tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat
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how to be rich and luxuriousâ.àłàż*:đș
we must first understand that being rich is a state of mind. you could be broke and not poor. never poor. poor is a state of mind. and that choice that u make to be rich or poor is ultimately yours cuz u control ur thoughts.
so how do we radiate luxury and become luxurious? through having luxurious thoughts. we know that what we think manifests so lets think things that make us richer in every aspect of our lives.Â
LUXURY IS AN ENERGY ;Â
when you exude the energy of luxury, YOUâLL ALWAYS BE LUXURIOUS. the luxury that u exude will manifest. thoughts manifest. have luxurious thoughts -> a luxurious reality WILL manifest. its rly that simple âš
CULTIVATING LUXURY ENERGY ;Â
u cultivate luxury energy, like i mentioned before, through luxury thoughts. but if ur not used to thinking luxury thoughts/have a lack or poverty mindset, here are some affirmations to start and guide thinking.Â
im grateful that im so abundant and rich in the things that i love
im like barbie cuz i have more then enough of everything
i have SO much, that i can bless others with my riches
i live my life lavishly
you can cultivate luxury by doing things that make u feel rich and luxurious. some things that help me to feel that way are.Â
drinking drinks from a designated cup or wine-glassÂ
silky robes are EVERYTHING. or wearing lingerie and matching bra and panty sets
consistently practicing self care every single dayÂ
wearing jewelryÂ
ofc everyone has different things that make them feel rich and different classifications for what luxury is and isnât and thatâs your choice to make ultimately.Â
i recommend making a list of what makes u feel luxurious and doing that often. literally when i go to costco or a whole-sale store and have free samples i feel luxurious đ bcuz im INDULGING.Â
that goes to show that u dont need to do the most to feel luxurious right at this moment. and that leads me to my next point.Â
INDULGE YOURSELF ;Â
donât deny yourself the things that u desire and the things that you want. if u want ur fun little drink, have ur fun little drink. get ur nails done, take urself shopping every now and then. if u canât afford to get these done, do it yourself.Â
you have the ability to make yourself feel special and luxurious. the idea to this is to cultivate the feeling of being rich or the feeling of abundance and luxury.Â
start a collection that you can have a lot of, change the perspective in which u see the things that u already own. kind of like seeing a cup have full then a cup half empty?Â
THINGS TO BE RICH IN ;Â
be rich in knowledge, be rich in culture, be rich in relationships, be rich in beauty. be rich in whatever interests that u might have.Â
to be rich in knowledge -> seek higher education, study, read lots of books, start writing and seeking knowledge in whatever interests youÂ
to be rich in culture -> learn more about ur own culture and the culture of other people. explore and educate yourself on religion and customs that interest you. be well versed in another language or in something thatâs important in todays media and pop culture
to be rich in relationships -> donât close yourself up to meaningful relationships that you have. donât take everything seriously and practice being social.Â
to be rich in beauty -> take impeccable care of yourself and your body. pamper yourself every single day and pick up habits that serve the highest good for your appearance.Â
to be rich in ur interests -> become well versed as i said before in whatever it is that interests you. there are countless resources online that can help give you information and direction on going about ur interests.Â
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Ryomen Sukuna NSFW A-Z
Part of my 20k follower celebration (past due)
Warnings: if it isnât abundantly clear, this is smut :)
A/N: in honor of hitting 20k followers a while back, Iâm going to be posting 10 NSFW alphabets for JJK men â scheduled post 11 :) - I've developed an unhealthy obsession with true form Sukuna... he is all I think about now. Forgive me because this one is for sure a bit OOC since he like... loves you
A = Aftercare (what theyâre like after sex)
If you managed to break the hollow icy shell that is Sukunaâs heart and make yourself someone important to him⊠Sukuna is pretty damn good with aftercare. Heâll clean you up, even ordering someone to get numbing salves because he tore you the fuck up and he knowâs youâll be sore and aching within a few hours if you arenât already. Heâll use two arms to cradle you gently while his other set works on cleaning you up and making sure youâre okay. Heâll wait until youâre sleeping to whisper praises to you, telling you that you did so well for him and that he adores you. Heâll never really say these things to you when youâre awake though.Â
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partnerâs)
Sukuna loves your legs and thighs, he loves your hips and your stomach too. He loves having things to hold and your body provides so much softness for him. He loves to kneel before you â thatâs right the king of curses kneeling before you â to lick all the way from the top of your foot up to your inner thigh. Heâll cover your legs in bruises and bites, making sure everyone is well aware that you are his property and nobody else can have you. He adores your stomach, often resting his head against it and letting you pet his hair lovingly. Sukuna will only show this level of vulnerability to you, letting down some â not all â of his walls.Â
Sukuna loves his entire body, four arms, two mouths, two dicks, and all. He considers it his masterpiece and it deserves to be worshiped. He has no shame in proclaiming this either.Â
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
If heâs not dumping several loads into your cunt/ass then whatâs the point? Sukuna treats his cum just as he treats the rest of his body⊠It's sacred and a privilege to have it. He toys with the idea of painting your face or chest in it but ultimately doesnât see the point in letting something so valuable go to waste. So creampies are the only way in Sukunaâs eyes. And trust me when I say this man cums a fucking boat-load. I donât care if itâs realistic or not, heâs making you look bloated by the time heâs done with you.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
Sukuna would let you do anything you wanted to him⊠he just hasnât found the strength to give you that knowledge yet. He hates the idea of someone holding power over him, which is why heâs ever so mildly terrified of you. You may not realize it, but you have Sukuna wrapped around your finger⊠that man would kill the entire planet for you if it meant seeing you smile.Â
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what theyâre doing?)
Sukuna is very experienced, having tens if not hundreds of harlots laying around for his use. But that was before you. You changed his view on that sort of thing and he got rid of every single one of them⊠you are all he needs to remain satisfied and that is a feeling Sukuna never thought he'd experience in his existence. Sukuna knows what heâs doing and he knows what heâs doing well.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Sukunaâs favorite position is holding you up so your back is pressed to his chest. He has a hand hooked under each of your knees and heâs holding you up that way, spreading you apart further than your legs really allow. Sukuna is either sitting or standing and honestly he prefers when a mirror is present so he can watch your face contort in a mix of pain and pleasure. He has you impaled on his cock, easily able to trust in and out of you as you fall apart.Â
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
Not even a hint of goofiness in this man when he fucks you. He is all about business⊠I mean for real it was actually kind of terrifying at first but now youâre used to it.Â
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Sukuna doesnât really give a shit about his hair down there⊠and yes itâs pink like the rest of his hair. It may sound fucking bizarre but if you want to trim and clean him up down there? Heâll let you do it. You bathe him often so itâs not necessarily out of your comfort zone to sit there and groom his nether region. He doesnât really care what you do down there either. You can simply trim him to your liking or shave him bald. Whatever youâre into, he truly doesnât care.Â
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Sukuna is⊠romantic in his own way. Heâs not detached from the situation at hand and heâs not focused entirely on himself. Sukuna shows his âromanticâ side by letting you cum, maybe sparing you a few kisses, rubbing his thumb across the nail marks he left on your legs⊠heâs not one to say âI love youâ or really express how much you mean to him. But itâs the small, subtle little things that hint towards his affection for you.Â
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Heâs got four hands, youâd think heâd use one of them to get himself off but he simply doesnât see a need for that when he can have a random whore come do it for him. When it comes to you though? You never leave him, like Uraume, youâve earned your spot by his side. He has you to assist him with those kinds of needs when they arise (heh). Though, heâs amused you once or twice by jerking himself off for your own enjoyment. Making a show of using two hands to jerk off his two cocks but stopping just before he comes because â as iâve said â he doesnât like to waste any of it, not a single drop can be spared.Â
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Slave/Master kink for one⊠he just likes the feeling of being superior even though he doesn't need to âroleplayâ to get that feeling. BDSM⊠or whatever equivalent there is for the Heian period. He likes it rough, messy, even a little bloody. Sukuna has a massive breeding kink but doesnât want kids, he just likes the idea of filling you over and over again (regardless if you have the ability to get pregnant or not). Dacryphilia for sure, your tears turn him on. Orgasm control (both denying and overstimulation) are just another aspect that plays into his love of power. Sukuna loves restraints in any form, not him, though. He will for sure try and fist you.Â
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Anywhere. Sukuna will fuck you where ever the fuck he wants too with no shame. Heâll fuck you on his bed, ruin the luxurious sheets and break the bedframe over and over. Itâs gotten to the point where he actually got rid of it all together because he was sick of the wood splintering and nearly hurting you. Sukuna can and will fuck you on a raised platform in front of his petrified subjects. He wants everyone to know who you belong too â even if you donât need to be fucked stupid in front of hundreds of people for them to know. Itâs quite obvious. To be totally honest, Sukuna loves the mess and mayhem of fucking you in the tub. Watching the water slosh everywhere then ordering a maid to come clean up the damage, it makes him laugh.Â
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
There is an innocence to you that really gets Sukuna going. Youâve done the most downright filthy things with him, youâve stood beside him as he makes a bloody mess of someone⊠but somehow you still retain this sort of innocence to you that he loves to try and taint. Itâs not to say youâre oblivious⊠youâre very smart in Sukunaâs eyes and he knows you have a mean streak. But when youâre with him⊠there is something about you that he wants to break so badly and he has such fun trying to do so⊠youâre resilient which would usually piss him off to no end⊠but with you itâs endearing and he canât figure out why he canât get enough (youâre in love dumb ass)Â
N = No (something they wouldnât do, turn offs)
Shit. Yeah no thatâs the one thing he can not and will not deal with. Heâs had his fair share of bodily fluids â to say the least without going into detail. But he draws the line at anything to do with vomit or scat. It disturbs him⊠which is saying a lot. Heâs had women offered to him as sacrifice that have done several things in fear and he can say he truthfully cannot handle it. Also, no threesomes ever. Heâs not sharing you.Â
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Heâs a healthy combination of both (shocking). Sukuna loves watching you struggle to even take one of his cocks in your mouth nevermind both. But your mouth feels so damn good even though you struggle to get more than the tip past your lips. Sukuna loves to go down on you though, keeping your thighs spread apart so he can eat you as he pleases. Your arousal just tastes so good to him, he canât get enough and he will not stop until heâs satisfied.Â
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Rough and cruel for the most part. But he can be even meaner when he goes unbearably slow, splitting you open agonizingly with two cocks opposed to one just to see those pretty tears slip down your cheeks as you beg and plead for mercy (mercy he never gives). Sukuna will fuck you stupid with one cock most of the time, thatâs his little bit of kindness towards you, but youâll get fucked twice at least⊠ya know⊠gotta get the second cock off too. Heâll give you a choice, get fucked twice with one cock each time or get fucked once with two⊠mind you itâs never just once even if itâs two cocks at the same time or one each. Youâre smart enough to take one cock multiple times unless you want to be bedridden because you canât walk. Both options have happened to you many times though⊠so you really canât tell why he offers you a choice.Â
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Sex can take up a whole day when it comes to Sukuna. So, no, he despises quickies. He doesnât like to be rushed, he doesnât care if he gets caught, heâll make people watch. What is there that would really appeal to him??? It seems more annoying than anything really.Â
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
He will experiment but only on his own accord. He wonât say it outright but Sukuna is at least a bit mindful of the experiments he does⊠he doesnât want to really hurt you or scare you away. So he picks and chooses what he wants to try on you. If there is something very intriguing to him that he worries will make you uncomfortable? Heâll force two other people to play it out while he watches and decides from there⊠heâs oddly considerate of you in that sense.Â
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
As you saw above⊠sex can be an all-day process for Sukuna. He can last as long as he wants to⊠and I mean that seriously. His stamina is infinite, nothing will stop him but himself. He can go multiple rounds until youâre so fucked out youâve lost count. He can last anywhere from 15-25 minutes per round, he could last much longer but his goal is inevitably to cum so why bother⊠praying for you honestly.Â
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Toys like we know today donât exist within his era (the Heian period) and honestly?? Sukuna is a fucking jungle gym in his own right so you really donât need toys⊠and even if they did exist and were at his disposal? Sukuna isnât using them. Why the hell would he rely on a stupid little toy to get you off when heâs more than capable?? Heâs not intimidated by them, he just would think theyâre absolutely useless⊠modern day though⊠if you begged him for a vibrator he would probably cave and get you one. He may even find amusement in it.Â
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Sukuna and fair do not belong in the same sentence so it should shock nobody that this man will tease you until you are nearly dry heaving with how hard youâre crying. He will tease you for hours, to the point it feels like genuine torture, before he feels like getting you off. Then, the unfair attitude continues because he will not stop even when you start begging him to. He likes how quickly he can make you regret your words, seeing those pretty fat globs of tears leaking down your cheeks only makes the experience better for him.Â
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Sukuna will curse and groan but thatâs about it. He wonât try and hide his noises, either, but he will try and make sure heâs not too loud. Itâs rare to get a moan, whine, or whimper out of him. Especially since he has such good control over himself. But he will not hesitate to groan about how good his cock is feeling because of you⊠he has to give you a little something to get you to stick around, ya know? Not that you have a choice⊠and not that youâd really want to leave him anyways⊠giving up your luxurious lifestyle and being on the king of cursesâ good side isnât something just anyone can obtain, you know.Â
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
Sukuna hates your family, ever since you were dropped off to him to be a sacrifice. He doesnât care about his donors and their sacrifices since all of them are mediocre pieces of shit at best. Though he knows a scumbag like him is not one to talk. But you? You arrived to him nearly beaten to death, half naked, with little to no emotion left in you. What the hell was he supposed to do with that? Where was the fun in playing with something that was already half dead. Though, as he was about to kill you, something in your expression moved his icy heart. That truly petrified him but heâd never let anyone know it. He kept you instead of killing you, ordering for the immediate execution of your rotten family instead. He likes to joke that he had the perfect specimen nursed back to health, in his eyes you really were perfect.Â
X = X-ray (letâs see whatâs going on under those clothes)
Sukuna is a tall man⊠while we donât know his exact height in true form⊠heâs been guesstimated to be anywhere from 7.5 feet to 9.8 feet. A tall man is going to have a monstrous cock⊠or cocks in his case. When heâs soft heâs about 8.5 inches in length, and when heâs hard heâs just over 11 inches. Heâs monstrous, girthy and sticks straight out⊠both of them do. He will hurt⊠he will make you feel like youâre getting ripped in half and he will often try and fist you to prepare you for him. He cannot fit all the way inside of you, as much as heâd love to, he's not trying to kill you by rupturing your organs. Heâs a tan color, one dick is circumcised, the other is not⊠he was feeling quirky, and has a deep rosy pink tip⊠or tips⊠you know what I mean.Â
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Sukuna has to fuck you at least twice a day, if he doesnât, heâs extremely irritable. He has at least 5 hours of his day set aside just for you. But really he makes his own schedule so he can do whatever the fuck he wants when he wants to. His sex drive is pretty damn high and he does absolutely nothing to deal with it or hold off. He will get off the moment he wants too.Â
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Sukuna prefers falling asleep after you do, which can be pretty instant considering how long he may have been fucking you. So the answer is anywhere between 30 seconds and 10 minutes.Â
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Hello lovely,
I saw your post that your requests are open, so I will give it a try =)
Imagine Bucky and reader are best friends but they have a huge argument and now they don't talk to each other for days. She's feeling really bad, missing him. He is her most important person and now without interacting with him for days, she's feeling lost and lonely and heartbroken. Maybe she has not a super power and is only a normal human, helping the Avengers with IT or something. Due to the argument with her best friend and not talking to Bucky (Bucky ignores her completely) she begins to feel it not only mental but also physically. She can't eat probably and at the end falls deathly sick.... With a fluffy happy ending and a worried and protective Bucky
Please. That would be nice.
Take care honey
oh my goodnessâ my heart đâ€ïž the angst is gonna hurt, but iâm such a sucker for it. i had so much fun writing this one, thank you for requesting and i hope you like itđ„°
Love Hurts
⥠Pairing: Beefy!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
⥠Summary: You and Bucky get into a heated argument, things are said and done and now he wonât speak to you. You donât think you can handle him ignoring your existence.
⥠Warnings: language, mentions of buckyâs trauma, heavy angst, malnourishment, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, minor injuries, hospitalization, suicidal ideation, self hate, literally hurt just writing this
main masterlist
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | MATURE CONTENT 18+
Your nails bit into your palm, denting the fleshâ threatening to pierce the delicate skin. It was all to hold yourself back, distract you from the words that wanted to burst out.
It was becoming a sickening routine, Bucky was reckless and had yet another near death experience on his recent mission. The anxiety and the nerves stopping your body from functioningâ the dreaded wait for his jet to arrive back at the compound. You shouldnât have to be used of receiving the call that he had yet again made a reckless moveâ but you were starting to discover a pattern.
It did nothing to ease the panic that swirled in your chest every time he left for missions. Youâd sob, throwing up everything you had eaten that dayâ unable to stomach anything with the idea that Bucky was on a mission. You never found your anxiety to be so severeâ but when Bucky was even mentioned about going on a mission⊠it spiked.
Thatâs where you found yourself in his room, watching him pace the spaceâ avoiding your frustrated stare. You werenât angry at him per sayâ you were angry that he didnât value his life.
âSeriously (Y/n)â you get so worked up over nothing. Iâm here and aliveâ isnât that enough?â He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.
You pressed your nails tighter to your palm, yet the pain couldnât stop your thundering thoughts.
âYouâre here and alive now, until you do some stupid shit like this again and are dead!â You hissed, trying to keep your voice low but you didnât know how much longer you could control yourself.
He glared at you, squinting his eyes in anger and then rolling his eyes.
âOh for fucks sakeâ can you stop fucking babying me? I can handle myself!â He raised his voice, his metal arm whirring.
âIâm not babying youâ Iâm just scared youâre gonna get yourself killed. Do you care about your life at all?â You asked him aggressively, your voice raising just a tad.
He took a long pause, staring at you with his face void of emotionâ only annoyance.
âNot really.â He admitted.
You were taken back, although you had these conversations with him a time or twenty. It was an ongoing process to get him to slowly love himselfâ his past as The Winter Soldier torturing his soul. He was so convinced he wasnât deserving of anything, not even a roof over his head. It was a struggle to help him, but you werenât going to give up on him.
âYou realize if anything ever happened to you Iââ Your voice broke, needing a breath, âBuck I wouldnât know what to do with myself.â
You thought you saw his eyes flash with guilt, but before you could linger on the look for too longâ his face was hardening again.
âThat doesnât sound like my problem.â He mumbled out, making your eyes widen.
You were extremely taken back from those words, your chest aching painfullyâ him not knowing what effect those words had on you.
âAre you fucking serious?â You asked him, your face morphing into a hurt expression, mixed with anger. âCan you just do your job without trying to kill yourself?â
His face grew red with rage and he was stomping up towards youâ his face inches from yours.
âI am doing my jobâ very well in fact. Unlike you who just fucking sits here doing nothing!â He defended himself, his breath hitting your face in warm pants.
âDoing nothing? Buckâ why are you like this?â You puffed your chest, not backing down from his towering form.
But your words seemed to have hit a nerve, as he shrunk back slightly, narrowing his gaze at you.
âLike what?â
You furrowed your brows, slowing your racing heart from the shoutingâ you werenât sure you had said anything bad. Did you?
âWhat?â You squeaked out, nervous now.
âYou said, why am I like this⊠like what?â He pushed, stepping closer to you now, his face still red with anger but you could see the hurt in his eyes.
You swallowed and wondered how to convince him you didnât mean anything bad by what you said. But you were almost positive it would be an impossible task to get Bucky to listen.
âBuck, I didnât mean anythinââ
âWhatâ you think Iâm not capable of doing my job? You think Iâm still the monster hydra made me?â He spat, his chest rising and falling quicker.
âNo, no Buck listenââ
That was definitely not what you meant, you could tell he was spiraling and you were still confused as to why. You would never make him think that.
âAfter 70 fucking years I finally have a job that I likeâ that I enjoy doingâ I fucking help people! Iâm finally doing some good and now youâre telling me Iâm not capable of doing it?â He boomed, his chest puffing into yours and your stumbled back slightly. âYou think Iâm only capable of being a monster? Huh? Is that what you fucking think?â
You were growing scared now, the look in his eyes wild with something and you didnât like how close he was to youâ you knew heâd never hurt you but your fear overwhelmed your senses.
âFridayâ call Steve and Sam in here now!â You shouted into the room, and Buckyâs eyes squinted painfullyâ his metal arm whirring again.
Bucky only saw one thingâ you didnât reassure him that he was thinking irrationally. You didnât correct him that he wasnât the monster. Instead you called for help, that you were clearly scaredâ because you thought he was a monster.
He was at a loss for words and just stared at you, almost through youâ as his breathing was only getting heavier at the sight of your fearful eyes.
Not even minutes later, Steve and Sam were busting through the door, taking in the scene and separated you and Bucky.
âHeyâ whatâs going on?â Steve asked in between the two of you. âBuck, whatâs wrong man?â
You couldnât seem to find the words and just stood speechless as wellâ the fight startling you. This was one of the worst ones, and it was also one that still left you confused. You cursed yourself for not being careful enough with your wordsâ but it was almost impossible to get through to him when he was on the brink of having an episode.
Sam walked closer to you, his facing morphing into concern as he took in your shocked expression.
â(Y/n)? You okay? Did he hurt you?â Sam whispered, keeping his words only between you two.
You slowly shook your head but still didnât respond verbally.
âOkay, okay thatâs good. You wanna go get a drink from downstairs? Why donât we take a breather okay?â Sam suggested softly, big brother mode kicking in at the sight of your frazzled state.
Without another word, you left the room with Samâ missing the devastated look from Bucky.
Steve waited until the door shut, then his attention was back on Bucky.
âBuck, you gotta talk to me manâ what happened?â He asked softly, watching his friend slowly relax, but it wasnât from being in a relaxing moodâ his body and mind were just exhausted from the argument.
âI fucked everything up. Thatâs what happened.â He mumbled, turning away from Steve to sit on the edge of his bed.
Steve followed behind but stood in front of him, shaking his headâ ready to argue.
âYou didnât mess anything up, arguments happen. You guys will work it out. I know how much you mean to each other.â Steve pointed out, watching Buckyâs face unchanging.
âYou didnât see the way she looked at meâ sheâs scared of me Iââ He shuttered, his breath shaky as he remembered your look, âI fucking scared her.â
Steveâs chest ached, the state of his friend breaking his heart. He knew Bucky meant no harm, and he almost for a fact knew that you knew that too. But Bucky for sure didnât believe that himself.
âI didnât see what you saw, but I can guarantee you that sheâs not afraid of you. This is (Y/n) we are talking about. You are her world Buck.â Steve tried to convince him.
Bucky shook his head, running his flesh hand through his hair.
âI think I just need to stay away from her for awhile.â Bucky came up with instead.
Steve immediately started shaking his head, knowing that was the last thing he needed.
âBucky Iââ
âPlease Steve⊠I just need some space.â Bucky pleaded, his body sagging in exhaustion.
Steve couldnât find it in himself to argue with him anymore about this. Maybe he did need some time to himself, to cool down and gather his thoughts. Also Steve wasnât going to force him to anything ever. After the years his pal went throughâ he would never make him do anything. He had enough things decided for him, and Steve wasnât about to stoop to hydraâs level.
Meanwhile down in the kitchen, Sam was getting you a glass of waterâ standing across from your seated form at the island. He slid the cup across, sending a worried glance at you.
â(Y/n)?â Sam snapped his fingers getting your attention.
You were shaken from your state of staring, but even snapped out of the tranceâ the anxieties still swirled within you.
âYeah sorry⊠Iâm here.â You whispered, grabbing the glass and taking a tiny sip.
Sam gave you a quizzical expression, watching you start to slip back into a mindless stareâ so he spoke up.
âYou wanna tell me what happened?â He asked, genuinely curious what had went down.
He knewâ hell everyone knew you and Bucky were extremely close. Best of friends, always there for one anotherâ dancing on the line of strictly friends to lovers. Truthfully, Sam found it completely obnoxious and just wanted you two together already.
âI donât really know⊠I think I said the wrong thingâ I didnât mean to make him upset.â You confessed, keeping your eyes on the countertop, not risking a glance to Sam.
âHey, donât beat yourself upâ mistakes happen. Iâm sure heâll forgive you.â Sam told you.
You shook your head, gripping the cup tighter.
âGod I hope so⊠I donât know what Iâd do without him.â You whispered pathetically, tears welling in your eyes.
Sam reached out to rub your arm comfortingly, trying to relax you so you didnât start crying. He hated to see you cryâ made his heart hurt.
âItâs been a long day for everyone, why donât you go head upstairs and get some sleep. Iâm sure things will have blown over by tomorrow.â He suggested and you finally met his gaze, smiling weakly and nodding.
Without saying goodbye, you stood up and headed to your room. Taking Samâs words and playing them on repeat in your head.
Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow would be better.
God had you hoped that was the caseâ it only was the beginning on the torment.
You had slept in longer than usual, but overall felt refreshed. The first thing that came to mind when fully waking up was Bucky. Immediately you headed downstairs to find himâ needing to talk with himâ apologize.
Making it down to the kitchen, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in at the sight of him sitting at the islandâ sipping at his coffee. You furrowed your brows, thinking he'd be done with his coffee by now, since you had slept in. Your chest ached with guilt with the possibility that he didn't sleep well.
You took a deep breath before making yourself known, although you were sure be could sense you in the roomâ considering he was a super soldier.
"Morning Buck." You announced, walking around the island so you could face him.
He kept his gaze down at his coffee, finding the cup more interesting than you.
Okay, thatâs fair. You thought, you most probably deserved that reaction.
âYou sleep okay?â You asked again, picking at the skin on your nails nervously.
Againâ he didnât even lift his head. In fact, he wasnât even acknowledging you. You waited several minutes for a response, the silence becoming thick with tension and you couldnât stand it.
âBucky?â You tried, and this time he lifted his head.
Your heart twinged in your chest at his bloodshot eyes, clear evidence that he hadnât gotten good sleep. You hated yourself for causing him the stress, especially knowing he was just starting to actually get hours of sleep. It was huge progress compared to his nights either screaming awake or just staring at the walls. But now you had to go and ruin all that progress. You felt sick to your stomachâ disgusted with yourself.
âIâm really sorry about last night⊠I didnât like how ugly it got and Iâm sorry if I said something to upset youâ you know Iâd never intentionally hurt you.â You told him, picking more aggressively at your nails, causing to nail beds to bleed.
You swallowed nervously when he didnât answer right away, instead staring at you with⊠what was that? Disgust? You didnât know, but you hated the look altogether.
âBucky, please say something.â You pleaded.
Bucky lowered his gaze to his coffee again, taking a minute before he stood up and looked your way.
âI just need some space.â He told you quietly.
You were relived to have him finally talk to you, but to hear him suggest space between you twoâ you could almost feel the knife digging into your chest. You tried to keep a neutral expression but otherwise felt your bottom lip quiver.
Without giving you time to respond, Bucky was walking out of the roomâ leaving you standing there speechless, lungs begging for air. You didnât want your mind to go immediately to that thought, but you couldnât ignore it eitherâ he hated you.
âHey babe, I need you to help me out in the lab todââ Tony came busting into the room, but immediately shut up once he saw your broken expression. âHoney, whatâs wrong? You alright?â
You nodded your head, lying to him and yourself and started waving him off with the fakest smile.
âYeahâ yeah Iâm good. Just need to uhâ need to get some things done.â You told him, your eyes darting all around the room, the familiar feeling of panic seeping into your being.
Tony gave you a âreally?â look and stepped closer to you.
â(Y/n) Iâm not blindâ I can see youâre upset. Talk to mââ
âSeriously Tonyâ Iâm fine! Just leave it alone!â You told him a little too aggressively.
His face was taken back and you felt guilty immediately, cursing yourself for hurting everyone.
Why are you such a fucking issue? Your mind screamed at you.
You didnât waste another second and sped walked out of the room, needing to calm yourself down before you ran into any one else. You were spiraling and you needed to just relaxâ take a deep breath. Maybe you just needed one more day and things would be back to normal.
Yeah⊠just one more day.
You had hoped that was the case as well⊠but as alwaysâ things only got worse.
Bucky refused to talk to you or even look at you. Heâd given you the cold shoulder for almost two weeks now. He would get up and leave the second you entered the room. He couldnât stand you it seemed.
You couldnât keep hiding your hurt. At first, you had done a good job at hiding how you were really feeling. Saving the sobbing and attacks for when you were alone in your room. As the days lingered on, you found yourself weak and drainedâ you didnât have enough energy to put up a charade anymore.
The whole team were sending you worried looks, and attempted to talk with you. But the second theyâd tryâ youâd bolt. The subject was too sensitive, too raw. You didnât want to talk to anyone but Buckyâ and he hated you.
You had missed so many meals, forgetting to eat with your mental struggles throughout the days. You had been getting no more than two hours of sleep. You were so stressed, so stuck in your own mind that you couldnât function. Even when you had managed to remember to eat, your stomach would knot up to the point that you were throwing everything up. You were gaunt, basically a real life zombie. You needed helpâ but you needed Bucky more.
You were laying in bed staring unknowingly into space, it had been hard to focus with no food or sleep in your systemâ so you had only managed to lay here. Even that was exhausting, no matter how much you laid aroundâ your mind wouldnât stop the assault. Your anxiety had never been this bad, you were a prisoner to it.
Knocking at your door had you jumping, your heart racingâ and for a moment you forgot where you were.
Youâre in the compound⊠yeah thatâs right.
You slowed your breathing and swung your legs sluggishly over the edge of the bed to answer it. You werenât prepared for the sudden dizzy spell, your vision spotting with black and white specks. You tried to blink it off, but suddenly you were toppling to the ground.
You fell to the floor with a loud thump, luckily landing on your front, your hands somehow catching most of your fallâ you could already feel the throbbing in your palms.
You didnât hear the persistent knocking, or the door open. You didnât even hear the voice speaking from the doorway. It was when a hand landed on your shoulder that you were gasping, forgetting your surroundings once again.
Your eyes met Steveâs and you swore your heart was about to beat out of your chest.
â(Y/n) are you alright?â He asked you, hovering his hands over youâ not sure what you had hurt.
You furrowed your brows, looking him over.
âSteve what are⊠what are you doing here?â You asked genuinely confused.
You watched Steveâs eyes widen and he swallowed nervouslyâ his expression growing more concerned.
â(Y/n) itâs okay⊠Iâve got you.â Steve hushed, and he was pulling you into his chest, hugging you protectively.
You were still confused but then you tasted one of your stray tears, and you immediately came to your senses. You were crying in Steveâs arms⊠but why? You were having gaps of time missing from you, this wasnât the first time this had happenedâ you just didnât seem to care.
âSteve⊠my head hurts.â You slurred into his chest, sagging against him.
You were grateful that he was here, you desperately needed someone around. You were just hoping that someone wouldâve been Bucky.
âOkay, letâs get you to Helen. Sheâs gonna take care of you, okay?â Steve asked you, and you could only give a weak nod.
He knew there was no way you were walking there, so he hoisted you up into his arms, and cradled your head as he started to the med bay.
You just stared blankly at his chest, not really caring if Steve were to throw you off the roof of the building. You just didnât care.
Steve had gotten you down to her, and she checked you out. Alerting Steve that you were extremely malnourished, dehydratedâ an insomniac. She kept listing off all the things Steve was afraid to hear. The whole time he was sure you didnât hear a thing, although you were in the roomâ you were just checked out.
Helen eventually left, and Steve took his opportunity to speak with you. He pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed and grabbed your hand.
â(Y/n), whatâs going on? You can talk to meâ you canât keep doing this to yourself. Please⊠just talk to me.â Steve whispered, pleading with you that you would stop torturing yourself.
âHe hates me.â You mumbled.
Steveâs eyes widened and he frowned, knowing what you meant. He knew he let this go on for too long.
â(Y/n) he doesnât hate you. He just needed time to himself, so he coââ
âI didnât mean to hurt his feelings, I donât even know what I said to hurt him but Iââ You rushed out, the heart monitor beeping frantically, âIâm a horrible person, I didnât mean toâ I didnât mean to!â
You wheezed out, clutching your chest as you couldnât catch your breath. Your cheeks glistened with a steady stream of tears, your wheezing only growing by the second.
âOkay, okay (Y/n)â I need you to slow your breathing. Youâre okay, he doesnât hate you. Just take deep breaths okayâ even if you canât just try. Iâm here.â He tried to coach you, but this wasnât his thing.
Now he was starting to get mad at his friend, Bucky shouldnât of let this go on for this long.
You followed his chest rising and falling, staring at him as he tried to calm you down. Your breaths were heavy and painful sounding. Steve was about to say something but stopped himself when he saw your eyes look behind him.
He turned and saw Bucky standing in the doorwayâ his face paled. Truthfully, he looked like he was going to be sick.
â(Y/n)?â He whispered, his heart breaking at your state.
He had ran into Helen in the kitchen and was informed of your conditionâ he didnât believe it and had to see for himself. He was shocked to find you like this.
Your tears only edged on from his appearance and you shook your head in shame.
âIâm sorry Bucky! Whatever I did, Iâm sorry!â You sobbed and Bucky ran to the bed, kneeling down and taking your hands into his.
âDoll itâs okay, youâre okay. Iâm hereâ Iâm here. Iâm not gonna leave you⊠Iâm sorry.â He rushed out, shushing your cries, watching you slow your breathing at his words. âThere we go, just keep breathing with me. Iâm here, youâre okay.â
He kept repeating himself, making sure you knew he wasnât going anywhere.
Steve knew you were in good hands and slowly snuck out of the roomâ knowing you two needed to talk.
Bucky tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers trail down your cheek to your jaw. You couldnât help the way your face leaned into his touch, it felt like it had been forever since the last one.
Your breathing had slowed down, and now you just stared up at himâ eyes glossy with more tears. You felt so many emotions. You felt relived, but also angry and hurt. Above allâ you needed to know what you did to upset him. The guilt still ate away at your heart, and even just the memory of the argument had your chest aching.
âWhat did I do?â You whispered, making his eyes shoot up to yours, concern painting his face.
âYou didnât do anything.â He told you, and you furrowed your brows.
You were still anxiousâ he hadnât answered your question. Even more soâ if you didnât do anything then why did he ignore you?
âThen why?â
âWhy what (Y/n)?â He dared to ask, and you scoffedâ ripping your hands out of his.
The anger was approaching.
âWhy did you shut me out?â You wondered, and he only let his eyes cast down to the bedâ making you angrier. âYou ignored me for two weeks! Two fucking weeks you just acted as if I didnât exist! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?â
You were breathing heavy again, but this time it wasnât from panicâ it was the full force of all your anger bursting out.
He lifted his eyes to you, and you saw how broken he looked. How your state had affected him.
âI could never do that to you Buckâ I would never do that to you! Youâre my everything! I donât trust anyone as much as I trust you!â You raised your voice, while he stayed silent. âIf I didnât do anything then why would youâ whyââ
You broke out into a sob, covering your face with your hands. You felt good getting all the built up anger outâ but now you felt extremely guilty. The pitiful face of Bucky staring at you, causing your heart to hurt all over again. It didnât matter what happened, you always ended up hurting others.
â(Y/n) Iâm so sorry Iâ god I fucked up. I didnât ever mean to hurt you, please know that. Youâre my other half, and no one has ever been there for me like you have.â He spoke through a tight throat, swelling with emotion.
You uncovered your face and just stared at him a little longer, still incredibly hurt from his actionsâ but you knew you couldnât stay mad at him. You so badly wanted to forgive and forgetâ and just wrap him in your arms like you both needed.
âItâs hard to explain whatâs wrong with me to someone when I donât even understand whatâs wrong with meâ I just know Iâm fucked up. Iâm broken beyond repair.â His voice broke, his own eyes welling with tears.
You didnât have it in you to keep up an angry facade, and so you reached out and took his hand in yours. His face almost immediately lit up, his breathing slowing at your touch.
âTry me.â You whispered, watching Bucky take a deep breath before he spoke again.
âThe night of our fightâŠâ He started, and you swallowed in having to remember that night. âI had never seen you look at me like that.â
You stayed silent, afraid to open your mouth and have a sob escape. You could feel it bubbling upâ the memory playing back through your mind.
âYou looked at me like you were scared. You looked at me like I was a monster.â He confessed and it all made sense to you now.
It wasnât about what you said, it was your reaction that disturbed him to no ends. Even if you couldnât control your reaction in the momentâ you still felt guilty for causing him pain of remembering the hydra days.
âOh BuckâŠâ You whimpered, trying to pull him closeâ but he pulled away before he could reach your embrace.
âNoâ you donât get to be nice to me after what I did. I promised I would never hurt you and I didâ youâre in here because of me! I donât deserve your forgiveness!â He raised his voice, and you werenât scared of himâ just concerned.
âI wasnât scared of you Bucky, you just caught me off guard. Things were heatedâ Iâm not afraid of you and I most definitely donât think youâre a monster.â You tried to convince him.
âI really hope youâre not lying because if you were afraid of me⊠god I donât know what Iâd do. If you never wanted to see me againâ thatâs fine. Whatever you want, but I canât live knowing youâre afraid of me.â He whimpered out.
âI wouldnât lie to you.â
He nodded his head, knowing damn well youâd never lie. That was one thing he loved about youâ you were so honest. Keeping it real with him, even if he didnât wanna hear it. He could count on you for the truth.
âI still donât deserve your forgiveness.â He argued.
âWell too bad, Iâm forgiving you anyway.â You finally told him and he felt his chest expand.
Like he could finally breath.
âWhy?â He wondered.
You knew it was the line you two had been dancing on foreverâ but you knew if there was ever a time to say it. It was now.
âBecause I love you.â You admitted quietly.
His eyes widened just slightly, and his breath stuttered. He had always had a feeling what you two had was more than friends, he just never spoke up about it. Of course he loves you tooâ god he loves you so much. Thatâs why the thought of you being scared of him was enough to pull him away. He couldnât bear being around you if you were frightened by him. He couldnât live with himself. More importantly he now discovered, he really couldnât live without you.
âI love you so much.â He confessed back as your tears leaked down your cheeks.
You pulled his arm, and he let you pull him to the bedâ close enough where you could cup both his cheeks.
âDonât ever do that to me again, please. I need you Buckyâ life is not livable without you.â You cried, kissing his forehead to which he leaned into your lips.
âNever againâ I promise.â
This time, he wouldnât break it.
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What is coming into your life?
+ some messages that you need to hear
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How to choose a pile?
Close your eyes and take a deep breath and ask the angels to show you the right pile for you and open your eyes. The first pile that catches your attention is the right pile for you.
This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest.
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Thank you so much for your love and support đđ«¶đ»
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Pile 1
The first thing Iâm getting is that many of you have been focusing on personal growth, and itâs paying off. I see a lot of you realizing that youâre truly capable of achieving anything you set your mind to. Youâre stepping into a powerful energy of self-confidence and self-love, and this shift is going to attract a lot of good things into your life.
Keep your eyes open for new ideas, projects, or invitations that come your way. Whether itâs a sudden thought or an offer to attend an event, these opportunities could be really beneficial for you. Trust your instincts.
Some of you might be considering doing something that no one in your family has done before. This could be a bold move or a unique choice. I want to encourage you to take that leap. By doing so, you will break a cycle of family patterns, especially around standing up for yourself and your dreams. Itâs a brave step, but itâs one that will bring healing and growth.
Iâm also picking up that some of you will soon spend quality time with an important male figure in your life. This could be your father, grandfather, or someone you look up to with strong masculine energy. This time together will feel meaningful and may even strengthen your relationship. Some of you are thinking about having an important conversation with your parents. This could be about expressing gratitude for everything theyâve done for you, or it could be about something else on your mind. Either way, I see this discussion changing perspectives in a positive way, bringing deeper understanding.
I also sense that many of you will receive a new opportunity related to making more money. This might come through a job offer, a project, or a chance to use your talents in a way that allows you to earn from them. This is a great time to explore how your skills can be turned into something valuable.
However, I do feel that some of you are worried or stressed about something, particularly when it comes to the outcome of an exam, test, or project. Let me reassure youâyou donât need to worry. The results will be positive, and youâll feel satisfied with how things turn out.
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Pile 2
You need to stop giving your time and energy to people who donât appreciate or value you. If you are in a position where you can protect and care for the people you love, then do so without overthinking the outcome. However, if youâre not in a place to make decisions for them, itâs important not to try and control everything. Remember, before you can protect or help others, you need to protect yourself first. Secure your own place, take care of your own well-being, and then you can support those around you.
Itâs also important to understand that you donât always have to be strong. Itâs okay to just be yourself. You donât need to carry the weight of everyone elseâs problems. Be honest about how you feel, and donât be afraid to show vulnerability.
I see that many of you are incredibly talented, with unique skills and gifts. But whatâs holding you back is your own self-doubt. You might feel like your talents wonât be appreciated or recognized, so you keep them hidden. But how will you ever find people who truly appreciate you if you donât share what makes you special? Take this as a sign to put yourself out there. Show your talents to the world so you can connect with those who truly see your worth and value your skills.
For some of you, thereâs a big change coming. You may be pushed in a new direction or forced to change the path youâre currently on because itâs no longer good for you. Donât see this as a bad thing; instead, view it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. This change could lead you to a better version of yourself.
I also sense that some of you are stuck in a confusing or unstable relationship. The person youâre talking to or have feelings for might be giving you mixed signals , one moment they seem totally in love with you, and the next, they act like you donât matter to them. If this is the case, itâs important to recognize that this is not a healthy situation. When someoneâs actions make you doubt yourself, itâs a clear sign that something isnât right. Itâs better to walk away now, before it hurts you more in the long run.
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Pile 3
I see that in the coming weeks, youâre going to need to work very hard on something important. This could be related to a project, job, or personal goal youâve been focused on. However, all this hard work might take a toll on your health, so itâs important to be extra careful and take good care of yourself. Donât push yourself too hard. If you feel stressed or overwhelmed, make sure to take small breaks when needed. Remember, itâs okay to slow down sometimes.
The good news is that what youâre working on ; whether itâs something youâre involved with now or something youâll start soon , is something youâve been wanting for a long time. Youâve probably dreamed about this moment, so stay positive and trust the process.
I feel the need to remind you that you are deeply loved by the higher power, whether you believe in God, the universe, or Mother Nature. No matter how many mistakes you make or how unworthy you may feel at times, you are always loved and supported. You are part of something greater, and that love is unconditional.
Now, take a moment to think of a yes-or-no question thatâs been on your mind. The answer to that question is âno.â This might be the guidance you need to help you move forward.
Back to the main message, something significant is going to happen within the next few weeks. I would say by the end of this month or the first week of October, youâll experience an event that will bring up strong emotions. It could be overwhelming happiness or sadness, but either way, the feelings will be intense. Be prepared, and try not to let the situation control how you react. Stay calm and centered, no matter what comes your way.
Also, a little advice: some of you need to wear more yellow or add yellow to your wardrobe. This color might bring positive energy into your life. If youâve been feeling unwell, like having a fever or headache, I see that it will likely pass within 48 hours. But if youâve been having constant headaches, donât ignore them ,it might be time to see a doctor just to be safe.
Lastly, angel wings and a purple or pink dress will be meaningful symbols for you, so keep an eye out for them. They might show up in your life in some special way.
I also feel like adding this
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