#like i can't work w them but they refuse to die. war is hell

[baodurs]

there is a schism within my ocs like something about my interests + critical thought + approach to making characters shifted circa 2018. so the ocs i’ve made after that point are much more clearly and strongly characterized while the old ones feel so much thinner and i’m constantly remaking them but never really satisfied

[mangomingki-archive]

I'm literally the one person that shouldn't do this bc you know me but screw it, I'm Anne, stans ateez skz bts, your W I F E.

I'm extremely ear-inclined (lmao is that a thing? I made up a word? Probably), I rely a lot on my ears and learn best with my ears (auditory learner). Something you probably don't me is that I have perfect pitch, which means I can hear a note (a random note sung, a random clatter of something, a bell, anything that makes noise) and know exactly the note that it made. I also play the viola, violin, (a very, very, VERY LIMITED amount of) piano, and I think I'm a pretty decent singer. My range is closer to a tenor or alto, the lowest I can sing is the D below middle C. If I scream I can hit high notes. But I'm an engineering major fjdjsksk because I'm good at math and enjoy science. My dad calls me well rounded or a Renaissance (wo)man bc I'm good at a lot of things :) I also write! Haha you knew that already.

I'm extremely interested in human psychology and /why/ people act the way that they do. Maybe that's why I like darker things? There's just a lot more angst and choices involved for the wrongdoer and it's so interesting to see why people have evil in them. Something that came to my mind that I feel like describes my character is this one time in high school, my history teacher was talking about war, and she asked, "is war ever justified?" And I was the only one in my class to say no. And she was really interested in that, and I said that it was because war has never accomplished anything, only innocent people die, it's overall an extremely traumatic event, and it's a result of human faults (lack of communication, lack of understanding, greed, etc). And she told me that the term for how I thought was "absolute war" (I think that's what it was? I look it up every now and then and I can't find it), which means that in order for a war to be justified, there has to be a specific and serious amount of reasons for it to happen. And I just, idk, found it touching and interesting. I just really don't like violence or pain,,,, in real life. Theoretically, like in stories or psychology, it's really cool and provoking. Ahahahahaha I'm just dumping about my life, have fun with this

I'm stressed rn about school, mainly about physics. I just don't get the subject but I rly wanna pass 😶 gonna be hitting physics hard over the next few days bc I have an exam on Monday that I'm praying I do decently ok on. Like, I've attended every lecture and taken notes and it just refuses to make sense in my brain. It's weird as hell would not recommend, bio is much sexier. I'm afraid if I fail it or have to retake it, that'll affect my chances at grad school but like, idek if I want to go to grad school and I'm only a freshman in college so what the hell, idk. I just worry about everything and want to try my best. My ambition has ambition

And of course, the most important bit about me, I love Jongho thank you and goodnight, enjoy the Anne word vomit

hello hello wife!!!! you are always welcome in my inbox :DD that is seriously so cool that you have perfect pitch!! i have only ever met one other person who had perfect pitch. i personally think something is wrong with my pitch, as i can’t ever tell if i am in tune, or what note someone is playing, like, at all lol. i can see why darker things are more interesting. like you said, there is more ‘why’ to explore when people do bad stuff. also, i have never really thought about war and whether i think its justified. i do believe though, after a short period of reflection, that i agree with you. also, forgive me if this sounds weird, but i like hearing about what you think about things. its interesting :DD i am afraid my dear that having never taken physics, i am of little help. but!!!! i know, because of how hard you work, that you will pass. eventually, it will click for you!!! and if it doesn’t you can always cheat. just kidding :D or am i?  also, you’re right, you’re only a freshman! so its all good if u don’t have everything figured out yet :DD i understand about worrying about everything. i really really do. <33333 ahhh yes yes, anne is a jongho stan first, and a human second :DD thank you for sending something in darling!!!! 

its sleepover time!!!

[solarcelest]

Of Christmas Past and Present

or read on Ao3

It was always freezing on Christmas Eve. It was Gotham, so naturally the temperatures were lower no matter the time of year but Christmas always seemed to come with a sort of bone numbing cold that couldn't be shaken with layers of blankets and expensive heating systems. Dick Grayson knows this, many winters in the city have taught him so, but this was Damian’s first Gotham winter and the boy seemed to be learning the city’s harsh ways as he shivered on the couch.

The power had gone out nearly an hour before and there seemed to be an issue with the generator, which Dick had just tried -and failed- to fix, they would have to call a specialist in the morning (Dick never was very good with handy-man work and knew next to nothing about the electrical heating the tower used to conserve energy). For the time being, he and Damian were both in their warmest pair of pajamas, the air in the penthouse quickly going cold without the heater.

Dick was sifting through the closet once again looking for more blankets, anything that could stop the kids incessant shivering. At first he had thought Damian was exaggerating, trying to be annoying about the outage and insisting that “ -you really should have been more prepared Grayson- “ but Damian hadn’t said a word. Just sat in the dark in his little cocoon, teeth chattering.

Then Dick thought, yeah, ‘course the brat would complain about the outage but Damian would never complain about being cold. He practically had to drag the kid from patrol kicking and screaming when he had come down with that fever last month. No wait- he had needed to do that.

Pfft, like hell Damian would say a peep about being cold.

Dick sighed, he was trying to convince himself that they were making some sort of progress, even if it was one step back and two steps forward it was progress. Alfred reminded him of that.

( He found himself guilty of wishing the man’s vacation away. The butler deserved to spend the holiday in England with his family, no matter how out of his depths Dick was. )

“I found another blanket.” Dick said, shaking it out as he walked back to the living room. It was dark in there, and he should probably look for some candles or flashlights in addition to the fire so that they could actually see. Maybe in a minute, after he gave Damian the blanket…

In line with the boys usual behavior, Dick received no “thank you” for his hard work. Just a pair of shiny eyes following his movements as he draped the bl-

Wait.

Shiny eyes?

Dick backtracked, stooping down to get a better look at the boy. It was hard to see in the dimly lit room (lit by nothing other than the gas fireplace beside them) but, yup, there was definitely a sheen to those wide green eyes.

“Dames?” Dick asked, voice soft and as gentle as he could make it. “Are you okay?” He hoped the boy was okay, he hadn’t ever seen this side of Damian before. He had no idea how to handle a crying Damian, a crying ten year old, yes, but not Damian.

The boy's shoulders tensed with the question and he seemed to sit up that much straighter, blanket falling off his shoulders slightly with the movement. He sniffed, so quietly it was nearly imperceptible, before clearing his throat and responding.

“Tt. Of course, Grayson,” he said. The hardness of his tone was fake though, a facade to cover his true feelings. Or an attempt at a facade since even after the mere few months they had been together since Bruce’s death, Dick had a surprisingly easy time reading the boy. It honestly wasn’t that hard to spot the inaccuracies if you paid attention to Damian’s usual mannerisms.

For example; there hadn’t been a comment about “that inane nickname, Grayson”.

“Nuh-uh. What did we say about trust, huh? It works both ways. Tell me what’s been bugging you.” Dick said, settling on one knee in front of the boy.

Damian remained silent, no sound other than the cracking of the fire, tiny fingers fumbling with the blanket on his lap. Dick wondered how they didn’t break, those nimble fingers, when the boy punched the lights out of criminals three times his own size.

“Well,” Dick tried again, “there’s something bothering me .” Damian looked up, big eyes silently questioning the older man. “I’m upset that you’re upset and I can't fix that until you tell me what’s the matter.”

It was probably a low blow, blaming the boy line that but, if it worked…

“It’s Christmas Eve…” The boy started, eyes downcast and shoulders hunched in.

Dick furrowed his brows, “and?”

“And… and I’m not sure what that means?” Damian added, not very confident in his own words. Dick was even more confused, the boy didn’t know what Christmas was? He had thought that Talia would have at least informed the boy of the holiday, even if he was sure Santa hadn’t been visiting the leagues compound.

“What?” Dick asked.

“Everyone’s always speaking of how ‘magical’ Christmas is and- and I’m not even sure what they mean. I-“

Dick must have been doing a bad job of hiding his surprise at the boys admission because Damain stopped himself there. He was looking at Dick apprehensively, muscles tense like he was preparing to up and run. His eyes still twinkled in the dark.

“Did I say something I shouldn’t have?” He asked.

“W-what? No?” Dick said. “You don’t know what Christmas is?”

“Well… I know the basics.” Damian hurried to add. Dick nodded, narrowing his eyes, that couldn’t be all, definitely wasn’t the reason the kid was almost crying. Damian’s emotional barriers were too thick to be torn down by a small moment of ignorance .

“Is that the only thing on your mind?” Dick asked. He almost wished that he hadn’t, for in the next moment the boy’s walls really did crumble, his face pinching up in that way any child’s does before a meltdown. Dicks heart hurt for the kid as he tried to think of what to do, he had never seen Damian cry before.

“ Why?” The boy cried, voice thick with his tears.

“Why what, Dames?” Dick asked. He noticed the dark circles under the kids eyes then, how the boys reaction was most definitely a result of emotional build up and lack of sleep.

Damian shook his head, refusing to say more and, really, Dick should be surprised that he even got as much as he did.

He could fill in the rest himself anyway. Why was Damian born the way he was, to who he was? Why was Talia so cruel? Why did Bruce not know? Why did Bruce have to die?

Why was life so unfair?

Dick thought about an alternate universe almost everyday. The ‘what-ifs’. What Damian would be like if Bruce had known and the boy had grown up in Gotham, if Bruce would have gotten his shit together and actually raised the boy the appropriate way. Really though, Dick assumed anything was better than Talia. Bruce had had his moments but he had been pretty great to Dick.

Life was unfair. It wasn’t right that Damian had these demons to live with, how the ten year old had more scars than some war vets and enough ptsd to last him a lifetime.

It was unfair that Bruce had died, that Dick had no idea what he was doing, that Damian didn’t know what Christmas was.

Suddenly, the power outage didn’t seem so bothersome.

“Hey, hey,” Dick said. He moved quickly, wedging himself next to the boy on the couch and tugging Damian’s small weight onto his lap. Instead of lashing out at him, Damian melted into the touch, tensing first at its unfamiliarity before sighing with relief. Dick felt bad , the boy had probably been starved of comfort.

“I’m so sorry Dami, for everything.”

At Dicks words, Damian stiffened again, seemingly realizing what he was doing.

He sniffed, “I- I- I shouldn’t-.” But Dick didn’t let him finish, instead, he cupped the back of the kids neck and pulled him close again.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay to cry, Dami, I promise .” Dick rocked the boy gently, rubbing his back. Since when had Dick been good with kids?

Five minutes of rocking more and the boys sobs has tapered off to occasional sniffs. Too embarrassed to make eye contact, Damain kept his face firmly buried into the older man’s shoulder.

“Did you charge your tablet?” Dick suddenly asked into the dark. Damian nodded into his neck. Dick smiled, getting up with the boy still against him and snagged said tablet off of the kitchen counter.

“There’s this really funny movie I always watch around Christmas, I think you might like it,” Dick said.

“Is it fictional?” Damian mumbled.

“Some parts of it,” Dick said. He brought the two to back to the couch, settling underneath the blankets for more warmth, the fire gave off some heat but it was still cold without the heater. “It’s called Elf , it’s one of my favorites.”

Damian unburied himself once they were settled, his face was red and snotty and Dicks shirt was damp but neither mentioned it.

Dick clicked the tablet to life, queuing up the movie. Dick waited and, just as he had hoped, as soon as Papa Elf came on screen Damian snickered. Then, by some amazing Christmas miracle, and because the cruel world did have its little mercies, the generator clicked on. The Christmas lights Dick had coaxed Alfred and Damian into hanging relit and and the tree flared to life. The fire roared beyond their feet and and the heat flicked on above them. Damian was snuggled against him, overtired but warm and safe and there.

Dick smiled, pulling the small boy that much closer. “This,” he said,” this is Christmas, Dami.”

And Dames looked back up to him with every intent of insulting whatever asinine movie Elf was and said: “Merry Christmas, Grayson.”

It may always be freezing on Christmas Eve, but Damian’s found that his brother’s body heat was an acceptable fix.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: Now on the coach Ali: How's Ro been? Ali: Tried to give her as much space as poss Tommy: I'll give it a minute before I let ma know, yeah? Give you some space too like Tommy: Proper shut down. Standard Tommy: She ain't said a word to none of us Ali: Cheers Ali: Been a fucking event, don't think even Ma can top the drama but not dying to find out Ali: I thought as much 😟 Ali: I don't think there's much to be done but be there when she's ready though, right? Ali: idk, plenty of friends cried on these shoulders but never Ro over this, its new ground Tommy: You're alright Tommy: I reckoned as much when she flew home Tommy: Like I've been in with tea but I'm blatantly juggling cups and nothing else Tommy: She ain't about my efforts Tommy: Offered to dance battle him and she didn't even laugh Ali: Tah for being tea boy though, more necessary and appreciated than it might seem when she's catatonic Ali: to be fair, that isn't funny, babe 😜 Tommy: Giving it a go Tommy: x 2 like Tommy: oi I'm well funny Ali: 💚 Ali: hmm Ali: i hope that's not your aim w this theatre school lark Ali: standup you ain't Tommy: Laugh it up or you ain't getting your welcome home cupcakes honey Tommy: 🌟 baker I am Ali: tears of a clown baby bro Ali: 'cos bet mary berry herself didn't whip up anything for your arrival only days previous Ali: that's da Ali: mum is OBVS paul Ali: the accent, the blue steel, the unnecessary harsh judgment Tommy: 😂 Tommy: The cupboards were bare before yours truly showed up to help with the big shop Tommy: Working my ballet body without rest here Ali: wanna have a fab summer not a flab one darling Ali: only thinking of all the money they ain't had to put into your training #datscholarshiptho Tommy: Put your claws away if you ain't aiming them at a diff blonde lad Tommy: That'll be why I'm shameless fave not cause none of yous are about Ali: seriously don't Ali: he better square up when we're in that car park Ali: if the teachers don't get him first...you won't believe the fucking scandal blatantly occurring rn Ali: obvs 😘 'til Bea and Fraze become the big ballers they wanna be and start paying it back Ali: all 'bout that dolla Tommy: if you heard that lad, gotta post up 🥊 Tommy: someone better smack that cunt Tommy: Spill it sister, how is he on worse behavior? Nearly a proper skill at this point Ali: I plan to Ali: just followed Carly into the fucking cupboard bog, like Ali: in what world are you not getting caught Ali: we're in a fucking tin can Tommy: ERRR Tommy: Your Carly? Tommy: she can do better Ali: I been telling her Ali: best believe Ali: can't drag her out like time out bitch Ali: he's a disease s2g Ali: every fucking girl I know Tommy: 💔 not about that for her Tommy: Every girl except you? 🤔 suspect Ali: nah Ali: don't need to tell you he treats her like shit, duh Ali: ☕ Tommy: let me at her inbox tbh Tommy: not having this Tommy: she's a cutie Ali: do it Ali: meddlin' gay who smugly knows best defs a better stereotype than jealous ex Ali: 😣 no tah Tommy: Valid Tommy: Your eyes ain't gone green though, have they? Tommy: If this is a triangle, or love square tell me now bitch Ali: Bitch Ali: how dare you do me down like that Ali: Nah, I just want her to be happy Ali: and ain't happening with that cunt Tommy: Don't you reckon she knows that Tommy: She was happy with you but that went how it went maybe she's not looking for it to be like that again Ali: Oh, so I just let her fuck her life up Ali: polite smiles from the sideline like SOOOOO happy for you babes, what a man! Ali: Pfffft 😒 Ali: be a better gay Tommy: Nah but putting yourself out there for the real shit is such a THING Tommy: I get it Ali: So dramatic the lot of you Ali: not gotta get a pug and a mortgage Ali: if you ain't going out there tryna be happy every day every way Ali: what's the point Ali: a madness Tommy: Maybe she's all out of trying after putting up with your high maintenance arse for so long ☕ Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Nobody's bringing their best for that basic fuckboy Ali: 🖕 piss off hair product Tommy: Like you take any less time putting together your 'effortless' lewks you faux hippie Tommy: Don't be coming for my crowning glory Ali: Bleurgh Ali: forgot how much of a bitch you were Ali: when you going back again? 😘 Tommy: We've all seen you #bringitforberlin Tommy: Not that I'm jealous nah Tommy: But how was it? Drama aside Ali: 👼 Don't push me down the stairs, watching my back now like 👀 Ali: It overshadowed everything lowkey but yeah Ali: still ace Tommy: You'll bring it back around when you flatten Drew Ali: 🍑👏 him Tommy: 👑 Tommy: what are we gonna do about Ro and Carly though? 🤔 Must focus Ali: soz, my booty has that affect Ali: but seriously Ali: I am fresh out of ideas... Ali: maybe he's like Samson and we need to give him a buzzcut Ali: break the spell Tommy: or shove a bowl on his head and ✂ Ali: ain't far off Ali: ☕ it ain't that cute a cut Ali: its just shiny and blonde, snap out of it ladies! Tommy: Honestly Tommy: Meena got all the looks and that's the tea Ali: Oooooooooh! 😉 Ali: No argument tho even if you're 😍 Tommy: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ALISON Tommy: She's just better than him very HIGHKEY Tommy: Take it up with our man JC Ali: 😂 Ali: Bless Ali: so sweet Ali: and finally Ali: a matrimony we can all get behind Tommy: excuse me he made me and her both queens Tommy: too fabulous for your hetero baiting of the audience Ali: sure jan Ali: can't fake that chemistry Ali: told you, you're a shit actor Tommy: Take a step back Marsha if you don't want me coming for your weave Tommy: You reckoned on your ex a few back? Marlene would blatantly kill Drew no questions Ali: 💅💄 jealousy's a disease, get well soon bitch 😷 Ali: now you gay baiting! Tommy: 😂 Ali: Let karma sort him out Ali: Ro's well out of it Ali: Carly, I hope, knows what she's doing, even if I don't fuck with it Ali: he ain't gonna 💔 Tommy: Yeah Tommy: Still, drink and debrief when you get home? Tommy: I wanna hear how the teachers throw down Ali: fosho Ali: dog or you SO 100% G.A.Y. now you refuse to go anywhere that ain't flying at least 2 rainbow flags at all times? 😉 Tommy: 🌈 or bust Tommy: not gonna be Ro's scene but if you wanna bring Carly that cunt isn't gonna set foot in such hallowed ground Ali: A different concept for scared straight but I'm with it Ali: I'll ask her Ali: got a party dress I didn't get to debut, gotta save something for the home crowd, like Tommy: I'd watch THAT show Ali: wouldn't we all Ali: so much teen mum to catch up on, you best not have watched it without me! Tommy: Not trying to get struck down ta Tommy: That fury's all for Drew Ali: unless you've deleted all the recording like ur burning after reading, you're alright kid Tommy: Honey I know what's holy Ali: thank God someone does Ali: Drew getting kicked straight to hell and off this bus if he don't chill Tommy: They still going? Tommy: Ugh Ali: Nah Ali: Laoise and her crew dobbed, which fair enough literally no one needs it, doubt they got started before the teachs' were yanking them out Ali: if they had handcuffs Drew would be chained to his seat rn no lie Ali: citizen's arrests and full-scale riot behaviour going down rn from everyone slating Carly Tommy: omhg Tommy: I hope someone's streaming Tommy: Gonna send my girl 💚🍀 Ali: no doubt Ali: reckon we might have to make an emergency stop Ali: couldn't even make the trip home Ali: really lads REALLY Tommy: And I thought my school was full of drama queens and kings Tommy: Christ alive Ali: honestly Ali: got nothing on the common people Ali: i'm so over it Ali: gonna knock myself over the head in a minute so i don't have to deal Tommy: I'd suggest a sing song but don't reckon that'll cut it Tommy: Call me a bad gay again but Tommy: Never hear you over the war cries like Ali: 😂 if there was ever a moment for kumbaya Tommy: If they'd let you keep your 🎸 you'd be thriving Tommy: Yeah I heard about that casual confiscation Tommy: Weapon in more ways than one though, lads Ali: THANK YOU Ali: how we gon' play for peace now Ali: gonna have to get real happy clappy Tommy: 👏stop👏 slutshaming👏 carly👏 Tommy: End with a mexican wave that knocks that cunt out Tommy: She alright? Tommy: I just saw a flash of Ro, safe to say she ain't Ali: I mean, as much as they're all just using this as an excuse to do that Ali: lowkey have a point on this one Ali: why here and why now Ali: its disrespectful Tommy: Talk to her Tommy: Someone's clearly keeping Ro in the loop somehow, is that likely to be her? Ali: Idk Ali: I don't think its her style Ali: she isn't doing it to be malicious to Ro but yeah, idk why she is Tommy: Is she proper 💘 on Drew Tommy: 'Cause lord Ali: How could anyone be Tommy: I have literally no clue Tommy: But Ro's not 💔 about her German accent or whatever Tommy: It's all about him so there's gotta be something we're missing Ali: Oh, that ain't about him Ali: about a lot of things but him being a vessel for her intimacy issues and insecurities is just one of 'em Tommy: So he could've been anyone? Score - 1 for Romeo Ali: Any dickhead who's not gonna make it real on his end and ruin the fairytale, yeah Ali: dime a dozen Tommy: ☕ Ali: safe to say he's fucked the narrative still tho Ali: although, has he? 'cos secretly feeds into the 'i'm wrong and strange' deal we all know is there Tommy: Savage Tommy: But accurate Ali: I know Ali: Die before I said it to her face, like but Ali: makes me worried if she needs to prove that theory right again he could make a reappearance Ali: everyone loves a bit of self-destruction Ali: can't judge but I am Tommy: Samsies Tommy: Fuck's sake Tommy: This family Ali: Rocky the only one with a healthy functioning relationship tbh Tommy: The realest Tommy: Even ma's met her match in ro rn though Tommy: She's lowkey freaking me out and I'm used to you weirdos Ali: Explain Ali: I've seen her at her freakiest, remember, so are we talking worse? Tommy: True maybe I'm just out of practice Tommy: Ghost like vibes catching me off guard Ali: We'll have to keep an eye on the food Ali: she doesn't eat much, and never in front of any of us now Ali: but I can tell when she's had something Ali: make sure we're not hungerstrike vibes again Tommy: I reckon she'll be alright-ish when you get home Tommy: Much as she ever is, you know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: She's not gonna want to go to hospital or any of that shit Ali: Yeah, you're right Ali: I'm being dramatic, it's catching Tommy: 👑 Tommy: Bea will be if she sees her Tommy: Jesus take the wheel and spare me that Ali: 😬 Ali: can hear the 'I told you so' from here Ali: we're all thinking it but shh Tommy: Inside voices like we do at least Ali: Never know Ali: might be the motivation she needs Ali: Bea disappointment Tommy: Oh snap Ali: You know it works Ali: on Fraze too 😂 Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Yeah