#like both his 'sins' were post dean's death
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More adventures into reading Supernatural spoilers, wait, so, you're telling me Sam gave up the hunter life post s7? And what? Am I supposed to blame him for that?
#sam winchester#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#I knew dean got stuck in purgatory#and sam retired#but I didn't know it was right after s7#i am really harping on that one scene I saw where Dean says sam needs to ask forgiveness for certain things#like... I don't know the context - so Im waiting to learn#but like damn man - thats a shitty thing to say and it's not even true#if anyone needed a chance to live a life it was sam after the cage and everything#like both his 'sins' were post dean's death#and we all know dean sure as hell couldn't handle sam dying#he does the same bullshit he was mad at his dad for#The Hardy Boys But With Ghosts
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Sins of the Father - Chapter 1
Cold are the Hands of the Saints
The fluorescent lights of the small-town diner buzzed faintly overhead, casting a harsh glow on the worn vinyl booths and chipped Formica tables. The air was thick with the smell of greasy burgers and stale coffee, a scent that seemed to cling to every surface in these roadside pit stops.
In a corner booth, Sam and Dean Winchester sat across from each other, their broad shoulders hunched over the table as they spoke in low voices. Dean's green eyes darted occasionally towards the counter where their father, John, stood placing their order. The elder Winchester brother's fingers drummed an impatient rhythm on the sticky tabletop.
"I'm telling you, Sammy," Dean muttered, leaning in closer to his brother, "something's not right about this case. The vic's injuries... they don't match up with any monster we've ever seen before."
Sam ran a hand through his shaggy hair, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Maybe it's something new? Or a hybrid we haven't encountered yet?"
Dean snorted, shaking his head. "Great. Just what we need. Some franken-freak tearing up civilians."
Across the diner, you sat alone in a booth, your green cat-like eyes fixed on the Winchester family. Your fingers absently traced the rim of your coffee cup, the liquid long since gone cold. You barely noticed the waitress who refilled it, giving her only the barest nod of acknowledgment.
Your gaze never left the hunters, drinking in every detail. The way Dean's jaw clenched as he spoke, the nervous energy radiating off of Sam, the commanding presence of John even as he simply stood at the counter. These were the men responsible for your mother's death. These were the men you had sworn to destroy.
You shifted slightly in your seat, feeling the familiar weight of the blade concealed at your hip. It would be so easy to end it now, to leap across the diner and plunge the knife into John Winchester's back before he even knew what hit him. But no... that wasn't the plan. You needed to be patient, to make them suffer as you had suffered.
Your eyes narrowed as you watched John return to the table, sliding into the booth next to Dean. The family resemblance was unmistakable, from the set of their shoulders to the wary alertness in their eyes. Hunters, through and through.
"Alright, boys," John's gruff voice carried across the diner. "Fill me in on what you've found so far."
You leaned back in your booth, straining to catch every word. Intel was crucial, and any information about their current case could prove useful in your quest for vengeance.
Sam cleared his throat, pulling out a small notebook from his jacket pocket. "Vic number one, Michael Reeves, 32. Found in the woods outside of town, throat torn out. Coroner's report said it looked like an animal attack, but..."
"But what?" John pressed, his dark eyes fixed on his younger son.
"But there were other injuries," Sam continued, his voice lowering. "Bruising patterns that didn't match any animal we know of. And... symbols carved into the skin. Post-mortem."
Dean leaned forward, his elbows on the table. "That's not all. Two nights ago, another body turned up. Sarah Miller, 28. Same MO - throat ripped out, weird bruising, freaky symbols. But get this - the symbols were different from the first vic."
John's brow furrowed, his weathered face etched with concern. "Any connection between the victims?"
Sam shook his head. "None that we could find. Different social circles, different parts of town. Only thing they had in common was they both grew up here."
You watched as John rubbed a hand over his face, the lines around his eyes deepening. For a moment, you allowed yourself to imagine those eyes widening in fear and pain as you exacted your revenge. The thought sent a shiver of anticipation down your spine.
The waitress returned, laden with plates of greasy diner fare. The conversation at the Winchester table died down as they tucked into their meals, but their postures remained tense, alert. They knew they were dealing with something dangerous, something unknown.
If only they knew the real danger was sitting just across the room, watching their every move.
You sipped your coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. Your human half craved sustenance, even as your demon blood sang for violence and chaos. It was a constant struggle, balancing the two sides of your nature. But that struggle had made you stronger, more determined. You wouldn't rest until John Winchester and his precious sons lay dead at your feet.
As you watched, Dean suddenly stiffened, his hand moving subtly towards the weapon you knew he kept concealed beneath his jacket. His eyes scanned the diner, a predator searching for a threat. For a heart-stopping moment, his gaze swept over your booth.
You kept your expression neutral, your posture relaxed. Just another patron enjoying a late-night coffee. Nothing to see here.
Dean's eyes moved on, finding nothing out of the ordinary. You allowed yourself a small, satisfied smirk. These vaunted hunters, so sure of their skills, and yet they couldn't sense the half-demon sitting mere feet away.
The Winchesters finished their meal quickly, their conversation muted and tense. As they rose to leave, you caught snatches of their plans - research at the local library, interviews with the victims' families. Standard hunter procedure.
You waited until they had exited the diner before standing, tossing a few crumpled bills on the table. As you pushed open the door, the cool night air hit your face, carrying with it the scent of impending rain and... something else. Something darker, more primal.
You melted into the shadows of the parking lot, your eyes fixed on the taillights of the Impala as it roared out onto the highway. Let the Winchesters chase their monster. Let them wear themselves out hunting shadows.
You had all the time in the world to plan your revenge. And when the moment finally came, when you stood over John Winchester's broken body and watched the light fade from his eyes... it would all be worth it.
The hunt was on, but the Winchesters didn't even know they were the prey.
The night air was thick with the promise of rain as you stalked through the quiet streets of the small town. Your footsteps were silent, your movements fluid and predatory. The thrill of the hunt coursed through your veins, a heady mixture of anticipation and bloodlust.
Your target was a middle-aged man stumbling home from the local bar, reeking of cheap whiskey and desperation. He never saw you coming. One moment he was fumbling with his keys, and the next, your hand was clamped over his mouth, dragging him into the shadows of a nearby alley.
The kill was quick, efficient. You'd had plenty of practice over the years. As the light faded from his eyes, you felt a familiar rush of power, your demon half reveling in the violence. But there was no time to savor the moment. You had work to do.
With practiced ease, you carved the symbols into the cooling flesh. Meaningless lines and swirls, designed to look occult and sinister to the untrained eye. You knew the Winchesters would pour over these marks, searching for meaning where there was none. The thought brought a cruel smile to your lips.
You arranged the body carefully, making sure it would be found come morning. Then, with one last glance at your handiwork, you melted back into the shadows, leaving no trace of your presence behind.
The walk back to your motel was uneventful, the streets deserted at this late hour. As you approached your room, you paused, scanning the parking lot for any sign of the distinctive black Impala. Nothing. Good. The Winchesters were still oblivious to your presence.
Inside your dingy motel room, you stripped off your blood-stained clothes, stuffing them into a plastic bag to be burned later. The shower was lukewarm at best, but it felt good to wash away the night's activities. As you toweled off, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the foggy mirror.
Your green eyes stared back at you, cat-like pupils dilated in the dim light. You ran a hand through your damp curls, pushing them back from your face. Your gaze traveled down, taking in the soft curves of your body. You weren't exactly the picture of a ruthless half-demon assassin, but that had worked to your advantage more times than you could count.
Dressed in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants, you settled onto the sagging mattress, reaching for the pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. The familiar ritual of lighting up calmed your nerves, the nicotine a poor substitute for the rush of the kill, but it would do for now.
As you exhaled a plume of smoke towards the water-stained ceiling, your eyes fell on the faded photograph propped against the lamp. Your mother's face smiled back at you, frozen in time. You reached out, tracing her features with a gentle finger.
"Soon, Mom," you murmured, your voice rough with emotion. "I'll make them pay for what they did to you."
Memories flooded back, unbidden and unwelcome. Your childhood, such as it was - always on the move, never staying in one place long enough to make friends. Your mother, teaching you to control your demonic abilities, showing you how to blend in with the humans around you. She had been your whole world.
And then there was your father, a vague, shadowy figure in your memories. He had died when you were young, leaving you and your mother alone against a world that would never understand or accept you. You wondered, not for the first time, if things might have been different if he had lived.
Your thoughts drifted to Jake, your ex-fiancé. Another human who had promised to love you, demon blood and all. What a joke that had turned out to be. The image of him wrapped around that barely legal waitress still made your blood boil. You took a long drag on your cigarette, willing the anger away. Jake didn't matter anymore. None of them did.
All that mattered now was revenge.
You crushed out your cigarette and reached for the laptop, pulling up the local news sites. Nothing yet about the body you'd left behind, but it was only a matter of time. You allowed yourself a grim smile, imagining the Winchesters' reactions when they discovered another victim.
As you scrolled through the articles, a notification popped up - an email from one of your less savory contacts. You opened it, scanning the contents quickly. A slow, predatory grin spread across your face. It seemed the Winchesters had been busy tonight as well.
According to your source, Sam and Dean had spent hours at the local library, poring over old books and newspapers. They'd left looking frustrated and empty-handed. No surprise there - they were chasing ghosts, following breadcrumbs that led nowhere.
You closed the laptop, leaning back against the headboard. Everything was falling into place. The Winchesters were dancing to your tune, and they didn't even know it. Soon, very soon, you'd have your chance at John Winchester. And when that moment came, you'd make him suffer for every second of pain he'd caused you.
Sleep was elusive that night, your mind too wired with plans and possibilities. As the first light of dawn crept through the threadbare curtains, you rose, dressing quickly in nondescript jeans and a hoodie. Time to see how your little show had played out.
The streets were just beginning to come to life as you made your way towards the alley where you'd left your victim. As you rounded the corner, you saw exactly what you'd been hoping for - police tape cordoning off the area, a small crowd of onlookers already gathering.
You joined the throng, adopting the wide-eyed, shocked expression of a concerned citizen. It wasn't long before you overheard the whispered conversations around you - another body found, just like the others. The town was in a panic, and the police were out of their depth.
Perfect.
As you watched, a familiar black car pulled up to the scene. Your heart rate quickened as Sam and Dean Winchester stepped out, their expressions grim. They flashed fake badges at the officers, ducking under the police tape to examine the body.
You studied them intently, drinking in every detail. The way Dean's jaw clenched as he knelt beside the corpse, the furrow in Sam's brow as he questioned the officers. They were good, you had to admit. Professional. Thorough.
But not good enough.
You allowed yourself one last, lingering look at the brothers before slipping away from the crowd. Your work here was done, for now. It was time to prepare for the next phase of your plan.
Back at the motel, you packed your meager belongings with practiced efficiency. You never stayed in one place for long - a habit ingrained from childhood. As you zipped up your duffel bag, your eyes fell once again on the photograph of your mother.
You picked it up, running your thumb over her smiling face. "I miss you, Mom," you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. "I wish you were here. You'd know exactly what to do."
But she wasn't here. She was gone, ripped away from you by John Winchester and his crusade against all things supernatural. He hadn't cared that your mother had never hurt anyone, that she had turned her back on her demonic nature to raise you. All he'd seen was a monster to be eliminated.
You tucked the photograph carefully into your jacket pocket, close to your heart. Then, with one last glance around the room to ensure you'd left no trace, you shouldered your bag and stepped out into the morning sun.
The day stretched ahead of you, full of possibilities. You had errands to run, preparations to make. The Winchesters would be busy with their investigation, chasing leads that went nowhere. That gave you time to set the stage for your next move.
As you walked down the street, your mind raced with plans and contingencies. You'd need supplies - weapons, of course, but also the tools for your more... specialized abilities. The thought brought a smirk to your lips. John Winchester might be a legendary hunter, but he'd never faced anything quite like you before.
Your first stop was a small occult shop tucked away in a side street. The bell above the door jingled as you entered, the smell of incense and old books filling your nostrils. The proprietor, a wizened old woman with knowing eyes, watched you warily as you browsed the shelves.
You selected your items carefully - candles, herbs, a few arcane symbols etched into stone. Nothing too obvious, nothing that would raise suspicion if found. As you paid, the old woman's gnarled hand brushed against yours.
"Be careful, child," she murmured, her eyes searching yours. "The path you're on... it's dangerous."
You met her gaze steadily, letting a hint of your true nature show in your eyes. "I'm counting on it," you replied, your voice low and filled with promise.
The woman recoiled slightly, a flicker of fear crossing her face. You left the shop without another word, the weight of your purchases a comforting presence in your bag.
Your next stop was less mystical, but no less important - a hardware store on the edge of town. Here, you loaded up on more mundane supplies. Rope, duct tape, a new set of sharp knives. The clerk raised an eyebrow at your purchases, but you flashed him a charming smile. Just a girl preparing for a camping trip, nothing to see here.
As you exited the store, a familiar rumble caught your attention. The Impala cruised past, Sam and Dean inside, deep in conversation. Your hand instinctively went to the knife concealed at your hip, your body tensing for a fight.
But no - not yet. The time wasn't right. You forced yourself to relax, to blend into the background as the car passed. Soon, you promised yourself. Soon.
The rest of the day passed in a blur of preparations. You scouted locations, looking for the perfect spot to spring your trap. You made contact with a few local demons, calling in favors and gathering information. By the time the sun began to set, you felt ready. Or as ready as you could be, given the circumstances.
Back in your new motel room - a different one, on the other side of town - you spread out your supplies on the bed. Weapons, both mundane and mystical. Charms and wards to conceal your presence from the Winchesters' prying eyes. Everything you'd need to bring down a family of hunters.
As you worked, methodically checking and rechecking your gear, your thoughts drifted once again to your mother. What would she think of you now, plotting revenge against the man who killed her? Would she be proud of your determination, your skill? Or would she be horrified at the darkness that had taken root in your soul?
You pushed the thoughts away, focusing on the task at hand. It didn't matter what she would think. She was gone, and nothing would bring her back. All that was left was vengeance, cold and bitter and necessary.
As night fell, you stood at the window, looking out over the quiet town. Somewhere out there, the Winchesters were planning their next move, oblivious to the danger that lurked in the shadows. Let them have their night of peace, you thought. It would be their last.
Tomorrow, the real hunt would begin. And this time, you would be the predator, not the prey.
#Supernatural x reader#spn x reader#x reader#reader insert#dean winchester#sam winchester#john winchester#fanfic#dean winchester x reader#sam winchester x reader#cw: gore
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Your mind is fucking awesome. You've completely convinced me of Sam-Dean Maemags. What's the end point, in your opinion? Do they ever come together (in Arda, after the twins leave, post reimbodiment, etc) Hell, even Maedhros dying and leaving Maglor to live life alone like Sam had to live after Dean's death is a near match in theme. I am a romantic at heart and I like to imagine that somewhere thousands of years down the line they share their own little reimbodied corner of the universe just like Sam and Dean share a heaven. Maybe it's a fortress, or a cabin in the woods, or maybe just a little camp in a plentiful forest where they won't be bothered (or noticed, if they sleep in the same bed roll...)
The boring answer is that they never actually commit that final sin/devotion with each other before Maedhros dies, and once Reborn they're no longer trapped together alone. They almost never speak of "how things were in the end", and do their best to ignore how much they need each other. They try to build separate lives as separate people.
But like I said, that's boring.
I think they fuck at least once in the late first age, with a flimsy excuse, probably due to one of their injured pride.
Maglor does a bad job hiding in the woods one time and Maedhros hears someone moving nearby. Maedhros tells him to come out and face me, would you really sneak attack someone who's jerking it? Maglor walks into the clearing so that Maedhros will no it's just him, not an orc or a bandit, and will stop yelling and giving their position away to actual threats. Maedhros says "Maglor!" in surprise, and comes.
After that, the boundary is broken. The other of them might as well stay and keep watch while his brother masturbates. (At minimum Maedhros should get to see Maglor's O-face once, so the intimacy between them stays even with neither having an imbalance over the other (that's a huge lie.) But also it's maybe practical.) The one who's keeping watch has to keep his stare moving, alert for any danger. And when Maglor is masturbating he gazes at Maedhros, so he'll know in an instant if Maedhros goes on alert. Not because he likes looking at his brother while stroking his cock, of course. But they both notice - and say nothing about - that they come faster than when their brother was off in the woods giving them "privacy".
I like the idea of them reembodied in a little cabin together. Somewhere far up in the mountains where no one else goes. Maedhros goes into Tirion for Fingon's centennial birthday parties, and Maglor goes to the every twenty years greatest concert in Aman, and the both visit Nerdanel once a decade. Other than that they keep to themselves. Their family knows that each of them is off living alone in the wilderness, but not that they're doing it together.
They don't get many visitors, but even when they do it's not hard to hide that they're living together. Maedhros will claim to be just visiting, or perhaps Maglor will spot the visitor before they spot him and vanish into the trees for the entire visit. The house has one bed, a few clothes that are short on Maedhros and long on Maglor, a rocking chair and an armchair that perhaps are just fir the inhabitant's different moods. There isn't anything as obvious as only two bowls or plates, they packed up a full set or ceramic dishes and half of it broke when hiking in. So there are three mugs and five plates and two bowls, and you gave no idea how many people live there. The weapons in the closet might reveal that someone is here who favors the longsword, or the bassoon in the corner reveals a musician. But even Curufin, when he visits, just believes that Maedhros visits Maglor more often than he does. After all, the cabin is so tiny, two people could never get away from each other there for even a moment, no one could possibly share that space without going insane.
Fic rec: Strange Currencies by jouissant is about Maedhros being reborn in Valinor, after he and Maglor married each other mostly by accident when wandering dying Beleriand. And elves can see in each other's eyes when someone is married, so Maedhros is trying to avoid anyone else putting two and two together that the brothers were both unmarried when last people saw them, and then wandered off together. It's very good and very similar vibes to this.
#not archived yet#supernatural maemags#cabin layout is studio apartment but more so#the outhouse is separate and that's it#the bed is against one wall next to the fireplace which has cozy chairs in front and hooks for hanging a stew pot or roasting something#the bathtub is immediately to one side when you enter the front door and the dining table is to the other#there's a wardrobe for clothes and a giant sea chest full of weapons and everything else hangs from the rafters
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13x15
It is weird, having seen so many takes on the later seasons, to watch this ep and see Dabb & Singer lay out their underlying themes and “thesis” of the show in a very obvious & explicit way. Obvs there’s the benefit of hindsight here, being able to put this ep in the context of Dabb/Singer’s ending, but you really can see a ton of the rest of the story here, up to the series finale.
SAM So, this is what we’ve come to? Thieves? DEAN Hey, you want the blood, right? Well… besides, the thing’s already stolen. SAM Really? That’s your rationale? DEAN Hey, I’m not perfect. And by the way, neither are you, okay? Oh, so, what? Now you’re above a little, uh, chicanery? Look, this isn’t a perfect world we’re trying to save, okay. And if I’m not perfect trying to save it, then so be it. Come on. You with me or not? … DEAN Yeah, well, the world’s a screwed place, padre. What are you gonna do about it? FATHER LUCCA Change it. DEAN Yeah, good luck with that. FATHER LUCCA It’s not about luck, son. It’s about effort. All the time, I hear people saying the world’s not perfect. And they’re right. It’s not. But do you use that as an excuse? Do you use it to excuse your own sins? Your failings and your laziness? Do you use it to give a bad man power, because the world’s not perfect? Or do you work? Do you try and improve things in whatever way you can? Guys, the world will never be perfect, but if good men do good things, it can be better. Every day can get better. [SAM smiles as he listens.]
In Dabb and Singer’s framing, Dean and Sam represent opposing ideas: Dean = the world’s screwed up and that won’t change, Sam = the world’s screwed up and it can get better. The show validates and believes Sam’s view, both in this ep (Sam convinces Dean to help Father Lucca and he ends up being a “most holy man,” meaning they can take his blood to use in their spell) and ultimately in the show as a whole (Jack becomes God and changes the world for the better: making it so Heaven is a place where everyone can be together instead of trapped in their memories, or that everyone gets what they “deserve” instead of being dragged around by Chuck). The whole, “bring characters back so they can redeem themselves” also fits into this schema, in terms of the ‘everyone can do better’ idea.
13x16
The show’s exaggeration of Dean’s characterization - funny horny hungry guy! - does better in cartoon form than live-action, at least.
13x17
DEAN Jinkies! [Sam looks disgusted at the Scooby Doo reference, but Dean raises his eyebrows, clearly pleased with himself.] SAM You’re going to stop saying that eventually, right? DEAN I don’t know. Probably not. Look, (he claps his hand in enthusiasm) Let’s go!
Why doesn’t Sam like Dean’s jokes more? Or why don’t the writers write Sam liking Dean’s jokes more, I suppose. I get Sam being annoyed by Dean’s post-it notes, but why not have him being amused by Dean’s Scooby Doo joke? It makes Sam feel like he has a stick up his ass in a way I don’t think is intended. Let the brothers goof with each other :(
ASMODEUS Do you? Because you say you have this code, this Men of Letters code, handed down for centuries. But wait. Wait a minute. You work for me. You act like you’re this cold-blooded killer. [Asmodeus crouches down in front of Ketch.] But you know what I see when I look in your eyes. Fear. And regret. And pain. I see your chewy middle, boy. You want redemption, but you ain’t never gonna get it. Your kind -- our kind -- we can’t be redeemed. All we can do is spread out pain around. So no, you don’t know who you are. But I do. Which is why no matter where you go, no matter what you do, you’re mine.
Thinking about how Dean & Ketch were foils in S12... this dialogue here is revealing, I think, for how the writers saw Dean in later seasons. From what I know, there’s a very “redemption = death” take in later seasons (w/ Gabriel in S13, and then Rowena & Ketch in S15, and what a coincidence, Dean dies too at the end of S15, too, doesn’t he) and there’s the set up for that here w/ Ketch. I’ve seen a lot of talk of the writers “hating” Dean, but I just don’t think the writers ‘hating’ Dean really gets at why they characterized him the way they did. It’s been frustrating to sort thru, because I do have issues w/ the characterization/framing for both Dean and Sam (since they’re so interconnected as characters) but I’ve also never seen an analysis of later seasons that seems to fully get at what’s going on w/ the characters, themes, etc. I guess. Hmm. It’s like fandom either totally denies what the text is saying -- Dean is OOC in later seasons, he’d never do that!! -- or they make it 100x worse -- Dean is a sadistic abusive person, he loves killing/revenge!! -- and neither of those are right to me.
Gabriel with his mouth sewn shut, I see that reference to Loki/Norse mythology. Creepy & effective.
13x18
The show “bringing back” characters as Apocalypse World characters is a pretty cheap trick, huh.
SAM Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations. I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I-I thought I got out. But then... then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. [pleading] Gabriel, I need you. So, please, help us.
Mmh. Speaking of how later seasons characterizes Sam, well. Like earlier from S12, the way Sam is framed here makes sense when looked at from S8 onward, and not as much going earlier than that.
Also I am cackling at how the Sam - Gabriel dialogue mirrors the Dean - Cas crypt scene from 8x17. The talk about family, the “We need you. I need you.” Were the writers aware of the Sabriel shippers/how popular it was in fandom at a time?
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I’m done keeping my composure.
Sorry, this will be a LOADED post! (And I’ll be repeating the points others have made)
for real, to everyone being nasty and telling heartbroken fans that “Dean was always supposed to die get a grip you’re just butthurt etcetera etcetera—” F you royally.
How dare you police the brutal feelings that’s been embroiling us since the Finale That Must Not Be Named aired.
The show you think you all watched, the show you all believe was the same SPN from Season 1-4, changed at some point. Kripke wrote his original vision, put it to screen, saw it through in S5 as he intended, and closed the door on that era.
In 2008, Supernatural was adopted and inherited. As you know, there was a supreme paradigm shift post-Kripke era. The show FLOURISHED (we won’t talk about Gamble thanks). It evolved, transformed, grew beyond trauma-induced self-worthlessness and toxic masculinity and endless death and hegemonic social ideals and conservatism and repressive anti-revolutionary ideas. Castiel, the iconic favourite and beloved staple of the series portrayed by Misha Collins, was introduced in Season 4 as the core lead character, and he ushered in a brand new era of Christian mythos that SPN took advantage of. Longevity SKYROCKETED. Audiences were INTERESTED. SPN amassed an incredibly groundbreaking fanbase infused by non-nuclear principles. A massive subversive wave began, fighting the Status Quo of the times since 2008. It’s precisely why such an abysmal ending to a show of extensive Freud-Jungian metanarratively meta META complex stature and social POWER will render us totally and unbearably broken for years to come.
Point is, DEAN WINCHESTER NO LONGER WANTED TO DIE. HE WANTED TO LIVE. HE WANTED TO SIT ON THE BEACH, PLUNGE HIS TOES IN THE SAND, AND SIP UMBRELLA DRINKS WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIS BEST FRIEND. He said this in Season 13. And then, a season later, he told the ghost of his long-deceased father — the source of his deep-running trauma and the figure of self-reductive authoritarianism permeating his arc since Season 1 — after being questioned why he didn’t pursue the Nuclear Fam, that he already has his own: his brother Sam, his adopted child Jack, and Cas.
Dean’s best friend Cas. Oh god, Cas, who made his inevitably permanent mark on Dean’s soul beyond allyship. Castiel, renamed to Cas, God’s -iel removed by Dean. Dean, the human spark that lit the fire of pre-existing autonomy in the inherently rebellious angel who was, this entire time, the catalyst for free will in God The Writer’s puppet show. Their friendship set on goddamn fire. I can also write paragraph upon paragraph about my love for Cas while devastated tears stream down my face, but I digress—
Cas’ romantic love for Dean pushed our main Heart of SPN to love himself. Love is free will. Free will is also love. Of note, Cas’ love confession in 15x18 was supposed to offset something so vastly important and fundamental...to maybe (read: most likely) pull the trigger on SELF-TRUTHS in conjunction with free will. And The Great Anticipated Follow-Up to the episode penned by the passionate Berens should have included (read: seemed like it was going to be) Dean, closeted trauma survivor in love with his best friend, being given the opportunity to do it right: to SPEAK HIS TRUTH, and then that very singular opportunity was STOLEN so grossly. After poring over it for days, I refuse to believe we made their years-long story up out of thin air, spun it out of fantastical-delusional dream cotton candy, because we DIDN’T. IT WAS REAL.
As I said in another post: “I’ve just been feeling physically ill for the past >40 something hours with the terrible knowledge that 19/20 undid years of vital progression towards healthy interdependence, autonomy, and a positive endgame, where Sam, Dean and Cas close the ring of found family in final empowering self-fulfillment...where Dean, no longer repressed and set free, is able to use his words and speak his truth as a queercoded trauma survivor, henceforth confirming and self-affirming his own bisexuality since S1 by reciprocating — by telling Cas that he always loved him, too, loved him endlessly, which would have altogether divested Supernatural of its cult status and catapulted it into global worldwide significance as the longest running sci-fi genre show in American broadcasting history that actually dared to defy and, by proxy, empower LGBTQ2IA+ everywhere who found profound personal meaning in Destiel through VALIDATION,” — found themselves mirrored in Dean and Cas’ respective character journeys individually and as each other’s queer love interests.
THIS IS WHY DEAN WASN’T MEANT TO DIE.
THEY WERE SO ESSENTIAL, NOT JUST TO THE OVERARCHING STORY AND HEALTHY INTERPERSONAL THEMATICS OF MODERN SPN, BUT ALSO TO THE SOULS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD WHO FOLLOWED THEIR JOURNEYS, HOPED FOR THEM, ASPIRED TO BE LIKE THEM, TREASURED THEM, WEEPED FOR THEM, AND FOUGHT FOR THEM, LIKE YOU AND ME.
Heck, how could anyone think Sam Winchester had a well-deserved characteristic ending? He didn’t. Dean’s brother was shafted so badly. He stopped hunting when seasons ago, he had canonically accepted that he no longer wanted an apple pie life. He simply...turned the lights off in a resoundingly empty bunker and left — abandoning his dead brother’s room — never to return (he did return later to get the Impala, family photos etc, I mean this symbolically)...as if — dare I say it — Supernatural itself eerily told us, in the negative-spaced pitch blackness, that the organic show and the wonderfully complex, matured characters we’ve grown to love weren’t going to survive or be revisited...that it was all going to perish, and that they no longer gave a single shit about their own show, which, to me, is the worst cardinal sin, because how dare they throw Team Free Will, an immovable and indomitable and passionate found family they built from the ground up, a found family CHOCK FULL TO THE BRIM OF LOVE AND LIFE RAGING AGAINST THE AUTHORITARIAN MACHINE IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE FREE WILL, under the bus no matter who is to blame. Growth was stomped on.
Then Sam married a faceless wife who wasn’t his textually established (and deaf) love interest Eileen, named his son Dean Jr., and grew old miserably, still mourning the passing of his older brother, shaken and sombre. Back to square one. IT WAS ALL ANTITHETICAL, even OUTSIDE a shipping context, and I ripped my hair out at this point in sheer disbelief.
This 15x20 ending would have fit somewhere between S4-7. Now? IT DOESN’T FIT. IT’S A JAGGED PUZZLE PIECE THAT DOESN’T BELONG ANYWHERE. IT’S THE FOREBODING UNKNOWN STRANGER IN ITS OWN LAND, BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY. This kind of ending was basically an illogical, unsound cluster of metastasized cells that, to me, ruined the viability of previous seasons to sustain bold praise and respect and dignity and rewatches and classic nostalgia in such insidious ways.
Dean Humanity Winchester and Cas, after everything they’ve been through, were silenced and lost in death, ripped apart from each other, unable to love each other the way they deserved, because of disappointing, vile incompetency and homophobia. The greatest love story ever told, again obliterated in less than 60 hollow minutes.
You know what this tells your audience, CW SPN? Death without self-growth is the way to go, and no one is allowed to forge their own path to freedom.
HOW INSULTINGLY HARMFUL IS THAT?
I don’t think I’ll ever stop grieving.
We all deserve answers.
#fuck#my stuff#spn s15#15x20#sorry this was so long winded but i’m so#I think I finally wrote out all my frustration in this???#i’m still broken but I do hope it gets better#ily all#my meta#fuck cw#fuck spn#deancas#destiel#excuse me for any sloppy grammar and weirdness and shit#I’m still emotionally wilding lol#the greatest love story ever told#narrative#character development#narrative cyclism#supernatural#destiel deserved better#jensen and misha deserved better#at the same time this all seems cathartic anyway :P#I sorta snapped because wtf WE AREN’T WATCHING THE SAME SHOW IF YOU BELIEVE DEATH IS THE ANSWER 😭#I respect your opinion only if you’re respectful towards ours#but I’ve literally seen so many nasties out there#I’d rather have queue#long post for ts#I’M TEARING UP AGAIN#I’m ill
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Title: Let Me Come Home
Author: prosopopeya
Artist: Whichstiel
Rating: Explicit
Pairings: minor Claire/Kaia; background Sam/Eileen; past Dean/Crowley; past Cas/Crowley; past Dean/Benny; past Dean/Lisa
Length: 140000
Warnings: Discussion of homophobia and a parent rejecting a child for being gay; anti-fundamentalist religious sentiment; mention of stroke, recovery from stroke, and fatal car accident; mention of alcoholism; implied suicide; canon character deaths that happen before the story begins
Tags: POV Alternating; Slow Burn; Found Family; Queer Themes; Adoption; Family Bonding; Bobby Singer's (actual) A+ Parenting; Past Homelessness; Soft Castiel/Dean Winchester; Castiel based on Steve
Posting Date: November 11, 2021
Summary: Years after being kicked out of his childhood home for being gay, Castiel gets word that his niece is in the foster care system. He drops everything to return and make a home for her, but his life has been a mess, and becoming her guardian is harder than he imagined. Claire is placed with resource parents Dean and Sam, along with fellow foster Kevin Tran, and struggles with the fact that her estranged uncle is wearing her dad's face. Dean is out as bi, but isn't sure how to incorporate that into his daily life. And since Sam has one foot out the door these days, Dean finds himself clinging even more to the status quo. Dean helps Cas get his life back together, enlisting some community help along the way in the form of Ellen and Jo, Charlie, Jody, and even their mutual ex Crowley.
Excerpt: "I'm sorry about your father," Castiel says, watching Dean's face in profile as he carefully makes no facial expression at all. Castiel recognizes the effort. "Both of them. Is that why you...?" He trails off, and Dean nods, carefully picking at something in his hands. "Yeah, that's part of it. Learned early on that the system's pretty broken. Plenty of kids out there that just need someone to look out for them." Castiel has a full moment to consider the truth of that and to wonder how different his life might've been if only he'd had someone like Dean, like this Bobby, who might've had the inclination to look out for him when he was Claire's age. He has a moment to think of Claire back by the car, Dean at her side, and to wonder if Dean would be a better option than Castiel. After all, when has Castiel ever gotten the chance to learn how to do this, how to be anyone's parent? "Let me show you a trick," Dean is saying beside him, and Castiel needs to reel himself back in. "So you gotta replace this rubber gasket, right." He slides the new one into place, then reaches into a jar of something and slicks his fingers up; he starts rubbing his fingers gently around the ring of rubber. "It's better on the gasket if you lube it up first." The whiplash from a peculiar kind of heartbreak to the frankly sinful way Dean's fingers nimbly slide around, glistening in the light of the garage, is too much to handle, and Castiel thinks that if he were a different person, he might laugh from the incongruity of it all. Dean's hands are worn, his nails stubbed short, grease and oil stained around the edges, in the grooves of his fingers, and Castiel watches, not hearing a single word, as Dean screws the filter into its plastic cap. "Here." He picks up a bolt and a small piece of rubber from the table and hands them to Castiel, then holds up the oil he'd used for his fingers. "You do that one." Dean's eyes are startling green just now, and Castiel can't tell if it's because of some trick of the light in here or if it's just wishful thinking on his part. They're standing close together at the small bench, and he thinks that underneath all the oil and grease, he might be able to catch some kind of faint, vaguely manly scent, surely Dean's body wash; he can't be a cologne type. "Unless you don't want to," Dean says, and Castiel realizes he's been still for too long. He takes the parts from Dean, slides the rubber into place, and slicks up his fingers. He wills his hands not to shake as he slides the rubber under his fingers, turning the bolt in his hand, running his fingertips along the rim. "Is that good?"
DCBB 2021 Posting Schedule
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some stuff that would be different in my version of hbo supernatural (season 3)
season 1 season 2
THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN
sam searches about the faustian pact both in goethe’s and thomas mann’s faust
“who the hell are you?” “i’m the girl who just saved your ass” “well, me too”
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT
“why are you following me?” “i’m interested in you” “why?” “because youre tall and tall women are sexy as fuck” sam’s brain was short circuited for a sec because her height usually makes her dysphoric
ben is dean’s son idc!!! i’ll elaborate on that more on the s5 post
BAD DAY IN BLACK ROCK
“thats my division championship soccer trophy, can’t believe dad kept this” “yeah probably the closest you ever came to being a boy… shit, was it too much?” “yep” “oh fuck sammy i’m so sorry you know i didn’t mean it, it really wasn’t my intention to-” “dean i know i’m just fucking with you lol”
SIN CITY
richie's meeting the winchesters would yield the terrible dialogue “this is my sister uhn… cheryl. well, you know, stepsister” “sure, this is my sister sam” “oh sure she is!”
also samruby weirdass flirting (“if you don’t want my help, fine! give me the gun and i’ll pass it on to someone who will use it” “maybe i’ll just use it on you” “oooh that would be so fucking hot.”)
A VERY SUPERNATURAL CHRISTMAS
the trans panic moment! (“barbie sapphire?" “dad probably thinks you’re a girl” “whywouldhethinkthat???” “dude relax, i’m just kidding” “oh… right…”)
also their christmas on present day!!! (“woo-hoo, a very huge bottle of ranch dressing and a concealer that’s about three shades lighter than my skin” “like it? “love it”)
DREAM A LITTLE DREAM OF ME
jeremy had full access of sam’s head while she was asleep (which explains his curious choice of all the ways to immobilize sam he chose precisely crucify her)
that being said, he starts to throw all of sam’s paranoia on her face (“you’re calling me a psycho? c’mon samantha, even though your visions have stopped, both you and i know how unclean you are. headaches after praying, nose bleeding when talking in latin, what’s your next step? burn in holy ground? it’s only a matter of time for your brother find out the freak you are”)
MYSTERY SPOT
don’t get me wrong, i love asia - heat of the moment but considering that this is a sam’s episode, would make much more sense if the song playing in the radio in the morning were a song that sam liked, which, of course, after the thousands of tuesdays, she started to hate
and the song in question is scissor sisters - i can’t decide because yes, my hbo sam loves scissor sisters
*the first notes of the song playing* “oh fuck off sammy, did you change the radio station last night?" "no i didn't" "so why the hell is it playing your gay music?"
gabriel did it but anyway
*in unison* “sam winchester makes up like a toddler, sam winchester drools while she sleeps, sam winchester doesn’t know how to do a proper braid, sam winchester cries during the sexOKAY ENOUGH”
*nirvana - dumb starts playing on wednesday* “sammy did you change the radio station again?” “OH GOD IT’S NOT PLAYING SCISSOR SISTERS” “at least that, nirvana can be emo but scissors scissors looks like a cat swallowed a banjo”
IN MY TIME OF DYING
some sibling hostility!! (“silk used to be the suture of choice back in early 19th century but it was problematic, patients would get massive infections, death rate was insane” “uhum” “doctors had to do whatever they could to keep infections from spreading, one way was maggots” “sam, i’m eating” “it actually worked because maggots eat bad tissue and leave good tissue” “again, i’m still eating” “get this, when they found our guy, his body cavity was stuffed full of maggots” “SAMANTHA, I’M SERIOUS!”)
And more!! (“alright, where’s he doing the deed?” “benton likes dense forest with access to a river or some kind of fresh water” “why?” “because that’s where he likes to dump the bile and intestines, and the fecal matter” “stop smiling” “what? lost your appetite yet?” “nope and i gonna piss your backpack later”
NO REST FOR THE WICKED
when sam summons ruby, her nose doesn't bleed, unlike practically every time she does an exorcism
“i can’t save your brother but you can” “what?” “sam, you’ve got some god-given talent. well, not god-given but you understand” “the psychic crap? its gone since the yellow eyes died” “not gone, dormant. and not just the visions either” “what do you mean?” “c’mon, you know you’re different and you always thought you were wrong because of it but you’re not, you just have to embrace it.”
#supernatural#trans sam winchester#hbo supernatural#samruby#spn season 3#lesbian sam winchester#transfem sam#kripke era#mine
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sam and victim blaming
inspired by this post, because sam getting victim blamed for one reason or another has been a consistent pattern since s1 and I wanted to make a comprehensive list of all the examples I can think of. if you can think of other examples, please let me know
dean blaming him for john's abuse "maybe he had to raise his voice a few times, but you were out of line" (1x08)
john making excuses for the way he treats him and blaming it on him "walking away" (1x20)
john trying to split the blame for their failed relationship between both of them (2x01)
dean putting the blame for sam and john's failed relationship on sam (2x02)
dean telling sam that he has something evil inside him because he was force-fed demon blood as a six months old infant (4x04)
s5 is literally the Victim Blame Extravaganza with everyone and their mom blaming him for being taken advantage of and tricked into breaking the last seal and for ruby's manipulation
war being like "addiction makes you evil" and sam agreeing with him and saying that the problem isn't the demon blood or ruby, it's him (5x02)
one of the hunters who tried to force-feed him demon blood saying "come on, you know you want to it" and "there, was that really so bad?" (this scene is already plain awful and has extremely rapey vibes, so those lines just makes it even more disturbing) (5x03)
the wraith-nurse telling him that he's far too angry to be out there in the real world (5x11)
sam saying that he doesn't understand why he's angry at john, lilith and lucifer, even tho he has more than enough reasons to be angry at all three of them (5x11)
dean victim blaming and shaming him for wanting to escape an abusive environment and because his heaven didn't include memories of his horrible home life (5x16)
brady blaming him for being manipulated by azazel's minions and ruby (5x20)
dean getting mad at him because of his hallucinations (7x02)
dean blaming sam's mental illness for him lying about amy's murder and for almost getting them killed (7x07)
sam apologizing for being mad about amy's murder (7x07)
hallucifer saying that he can't get rid of him because he let him in / wanted him (7x15)
dean saying that he wouldn't have manipulated him with the amelia text if sam just trusted him (8x10)
dean's list of sam's sins "ruby, killing lilith, letting lucifer out, losing your soul" (8x23)
sam getting blamed for the apocalypse for the 816482th time (9x02)
the aftermath of the gadreel possession aka the Victim Blame Extravaganza 2.0. I'm not even gonna list all the examples because there are literally too many to count, but mainly every single character telling him to get over it, dean demanding that he get over it without even offering an apology or acknowledging that what he did was wrong, dean getting mad at him for saying he wouldn't do the same thing to him, etc...
demon!dean's grossly victim blamey speech about how everything wrong in his life is sam's fault (10x03)
dean's whole speech while trying to convince him that he deserved to die to fix dean's own mess (10x23)
toni asking him if it was good for him after mind raping him via spell (12x02)
dean blaming sam for him lying about jack's death and saying that it's because he knew sam couldn't handle it (15x16)
I wanted to keep this list pertinent to instances that happened in the show without including fandom stuff, because otherwise the list would've been endless, but I have to include this one: people getting mad at sam for his speech in 8x23 and turning it into him emotionally manipulating dean and not wanting dean to have any friends, when he's literally suicidal as a result of dean spending a season guilt tripping him, putting him down and verbally and emotionally abusing him
#sam winchester#bitter sam girl#bitter sam fan#spn#supernatural#rape mention tw#victim blaming tw#abuse mention tw#suicide mention tw#note: some of those examples are more loosely applies but I still included them because yes
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I am still just sitting and glaring at Mystery Spot.
Die and be resurrected. Die again. Come back again. Keep coming back because the game isn’t over, the lesson hasn’t been learned, whatever the trickster wants from you hasn’t been achieved.
Win your way free by figuring out there’s a supernatural entity screwing with you and threatening to kill him. But the game isn’t over, and Dean dies, and Sam is supposed to keep going.
(I got wordy oops - negative comparison to the finale, rambling about the pattern of making deals, and glaring at the author because I don’t have a knife sharp enough rn)
Back in s3 he can’t do that because he’s carrying the weight of Dean’s hell deal - giving up on Dean, letting go of this, means accepting that Dean is in hell and being tortured because Sam is alive and who could live with that? But Gabriel was only getting involved because a) it’s fun and b) Sam being unable to let go of Dean is what was going to push him towards Ruby and eventually starting the apocalypse. (It is of course debatable whether Gabriel intended to stop Sam or to push Sam into making that choice, but we don’t have enough of Gabriel to actually make a solid argument, alas)
There’s cosmic level consequences to these two not being able to let go, because they won’t abide by the rules and *everyone else can use that against them*. It’s just not that “Death takes, a Winchester takes back and that disrupts the natural order” (though it does *waves hand at 2.01 and how that carries into the s2 narrative for Dean and pushing him into his choice in 2.22*) it’s “Death shows up for nachos, Death gets stabbed because Winchesters don’t like letting go and now we have to deal with God’s sister”.
*That’s* the issue on a narrative level back in Kripke’s era - there are *consequences* to the fact that these two can’t let go. Domino number one, John dying in a parking lot in the 70s, eventually sets off the apocalypse because these characters look at the possibility of a life alone and they can’t handle it when there’s another option right there. And every single supernatural entity on the board knows that, and takes advantage. The dynamic shifts in Carver era to personal consequences, “I can’t let go” vs “you should have let me go” (s9 post Gadreel Sam contrasts nicely with demon!Dean) and how it’s causing the characters harm, but the plot expands in 11/12 because the *family* expands. Cas starts making dumbass choices and sacrifices because Winchesters, and Jack learns it too. Dean and Sam both work on *letting* each other and their other family (Cas, Mary, Jack eventually) make choices that do not sit well.
Bad decisions still happen, but the characters are no longer dying as part of it. They’re being forced to live with it. Can you live with the choices you’ve made? Can you live with the consequences?
Which is the second half of mystery spot. We’ve done resurrection ad nauseum, time to live with the consequences of reality. Tv show is over, welcome to the end. Deal with it.
Except that six months of Sam not being able to let go happened because the game was rigged. What Sam was pushing for and fighting for was a chance to do things without interference. To beat the person who was writing that little darkfic.
And their entire *lives* were that. The game was always rigged, from well before Mary made her deal to save John. And those Original Sins of sacrificing themselves for a loved one were absolutely rigged. John selling his soul for Dean in 2x01 and Dean in 2x22, Sam trying in between 3/4... those didn’t happen in a void. Having the final breath of the narrative be Sam letting go of Dean... on top of all the other reasons why it doesn’t work for me, it’s punishing them for Chuck’s railroading. They didn’t react correctly by *not* reacting to terrible circumstances, and finally they get to undo that by dying.
“They should never have let an abusive authority figure manipulate their lives from before they were born and push them into making those decisions, how dare.” Like... what the fuck kind of message is this??? Yes, a lot of their decisions were things they shouldn’t have decided to do, but we have literally seen how many ways Chuck has tried to force them into his story. Their lives are one big pile of gaslighting now, by canon in explicit detail, so this is not and cannot be what is required to resolve the emotional threads of the story.
Dean wanted to get out and have the apple pie life, and the narrative told him everyone would die if he made that “selfish” decision (go look at 2.20). Even last season, it was “toes in the sand” if he knew people wouldn’t be hurt by that choice. Sam wanted to get out and the narrative told him everyone he loved would die no matter what he did (*gestures at the entire show*).
I keep waiting for the alarm clock to go off one more time. Put me back on Wednesday, because yeah maybe they weren’t going to necessarily have a happy ending and fluff because their lives are not a tv show - except oh wait, that conclusion that the characters themselves came to? That their lives were a horror and there wasn’t really any hope because happy endings don’t happen? Good things don’t happen? Was because the game was rigged.
For fuck’s sake give them a chance to try.
“I just had a really weird dream.”
“Clowns or midgets?”
#bit of a rant oops#negativity for ts#triss vs the narrative#this is basically what my next hyperfixation is - going through and documenting narrative threads and yelling about them into the void#and a few more tags in here so i'm not in the tracked ones#spn finale#spn 15x20#spn 3x11#pyromaniac's guide to burning your narrative structure
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15x20: Oh fuck it’s actually really good. Dammit Dabb.
So I slept. And waking up the first thought in my head was... but there is this open ending with them all in Heaven and Cas not a stated angel even, just a helper to Jack...
And then I felt the need to watch the episode again. Because of how I’ve said, perhaps not for always, but often enough, that this show of ours was never about Destiel, was never about Dean and Cas’ love story, and beginning to hope that the ending would be focused on them... it wasn’t fair. Not really. And I remembered reading somewhere that a big chunk of the internet accepted Cas’ death as final, and seeing posts to that effect and thinking LUDICROUS and NO WAY and knowing all along that it could all be denial on my part.
And oh boy was it.
I know there were plenty of us who kept that hope alive, and I’m thankful for you, but I made myself believe that he’d be back because I couldn’t imagine he’d die like that, or that the love story would end unreciprocated like that. And I guess, in a way, it still did, BUT... in another way, it really didn’t.
It’s not enough. Subtext is not the representation I’ve always hoped for, but it wasn’t just erased either. And we got as much as we could get, because obviously Dean being textually bi and us getting an I Love You out of him was just never going to get green lit by the studio.
I’ve always believed the writers would’ve gone there if allowed. I think Cas’ love declaration underlines that they would’ve. But they weren’t given the opportunity, and I’ll lament it until the end of time, but it is what is.
What we did get, though, is quite beautiful. No, listen, IT IS.
There’s the emotional substitute Miracle Dog, getting so much LOVE from Dean, which I know most of us all went the big awwww at, no matter what we thought of the rest of the ep.
There’s the healthy way Dean is dealing with the loss of Cas, and of Jack, knowing that pain will never go away, and accepting it. Accepting it because he’s feeling worthy of moving on without them. He’s no longer attaching his self-image to the perceived failure of protecting others. He’s letting them go, believing that they may meet somewhere further down the road.
But looking at the finale for what it is, rather than for what I wanted it to be (cardinal sin omfg my emotions really ran away with me and I wish I could’ve been more level headed and come on here with this positivity and calm) (but) (no dice) (anyway) it’s just beautiful how Cas is in the background, not waiting, not really, because he’s busy preparing Heaven and fixing his home in ways that will actually mean peace AND freedom when the brothers are done.
Something Cas would not have been able to do if he’d not fallen in love with Dean. If he’d not gone through his journey. I mean. Those implications are highly satisfying.
Last night all I could think, ALL I could think, was that it’s not ENOUGH.
But it has to be. Because it’s not dismissive. It’s not erasing anything. It’s the same subtextual thread we’ve always been pulling on, and it’s there for us to continue to pull on, and that’s a goddamn gift.
I wish that 15x18 hadn’t been quite so in our face “kill your gays” buuuuuuuut that’s if you’re surface watching, yeah? Cas isn’t dead, for starters, and everyone was, obviously, brought back when Jack took Chuck’s power, so even if it wasn’t visually established that Stevie and Charlie are back and thriving, it’s narrative fact that they must be. What it is, more than anything else, is what I read it as to begin with: a love letter to the love story, where we get the subtext of couples loosing each other so strongly stated that there’s no way we’re not meant to understand that Dean losing Cas is within that exact same context.
We didn’t get textual Destiel, but we did get the love story textually confirmed through Cas’ declaration, and we did get it subtextually confirmed, not hinted, subtextually confirmed through all those other couples losing each other, that the love story EXISTS there, on that level, for us.
Oh guys I feel so sad that I was so SAD yesterday. Why didn’t I just take a breath?? Guys, guys, guys, there’s such BEAUTY.
And Jensen.
Jensen in how he played that death scene. Jensen who kept it so even, so gentle, so... brotherly. These brothers have been through hell. Dean ending this way... it’s a travesty, but it also means he meant to go to the place where he doesn’t have to hope to see Cas again--because he will see Cas again.
And why didn’t Cas come right back to Dean once he was out of the Empty, why did he go off with Jack to fix Heaven?
I would say that it’s another underlining of Cas’ independence, and this his entire focus isn’t Dean, but, of course, I would assume the thought of Dean is ever present, and the rearranging of Heaven is as much about making sure Dean gets that freedom, as well as that peace, once he’s done as it is about Cas simply not being able to stand for souls being trapped in their memories anymore. Cas knows how to fix Heaven. I mean... that’s a fucking gorgeous and highly satisfying ending to his individual arc. And he’s with Jack!
Like. I mean. That implication that Cas is fixing Heaven with Dean at the back of his mind is quite head-exploding to me. And yeah, sure, that’s how I’m interpreting it, but all the ingredients for that delicious pie is left right there for us in this ending.
What about the legacy issue? What about found family? What about Dean finding happiness in death? What about Dean opening himself up to love?
Yeah, it’s not without issues, depending on how we interpret these things. Do I believe Dabb set out to write an offensive, horrifying, deeply problematic ending to this show and pretty much hand it over to the side of this fandom that has always been the... well, shall we say, less stabile?
No. I kept saying yesterday that I just didn’t understand what happened, I didn’t understand why our writers room would choose THIS ending, I couldn’t fit the pieces together. That was on me, not on them. Get me?
Interpretation is deeply subjective. It’s personal. And it’s tainted. Always tainted, guys, and there’s no way around that. It’s not perfect and it’s not absolute and all the writers can hope for is that their core message will get across strongly enough to avoid misunderstanding.
I misunderstood the intention yesterday because my interpretation was tainted by what I wanted and felt I needed from this narrative.
For years I’ve refused to put expectation on the story because I know what that does to one’s perspective. It’s futile to engage with hopes and wishes on a deeper level because the show will never deliver exactly what you want. It’s delivered stuff in the ballpark enough times for me to dance alongside it, but to place so much expectation on this finale was just... oh man. Bad.
I take full responsibility. :)
What about the legacy issue?
The legacy is that you live the best life you can and you end up in happiness, with the people you care about. You LIVE. Nothing about Dean’s death is prescribing dying to get what you want. We have it established that Dean is not suicidal in any way, that he’s mentally stabile and that he’s carrying on without Cas, even though he thinks about him. Not living would make the sacrifice pointless.
What about found family?
Found family was meant to be a part of this ending, but due to COVID (I’m assuming along with everyone) we didn’t get a collection of oldies and goodies at the Roadhouse. We got a father figure to signal the father/son thread that this finale was pulling on, a thread always tied so tightly around Dean and Sam and underlined for us in this episode. The codependency finally broken because they were ready to let each other go. Not forever, because that would’ve been tragic, but for now.
What about Dean finding happiness in death?
The implications of Dean having to die to be happy are quite dark, I know that, but he was never going to hang it up. Not entirely, right? He would never be able to rest on Earth. And he’s always afraid. So instead of spending a lifetime alone, growing into a crusty Bobby (who lost the love of his life too early too), Dean got to go to the place where his happiness actually is. He got to go where Cas is.
I mean, that’s my interpretation here, but rather than set both brothers up with a love life and families and all that, we got a Dean who’s lost the love of his life and is dealing with that loss as best as he can, but who is also ready to go when it’s his time. He wasn’t expecting it to be right then, that day, and he says as much, but he’s ready. As long as Sam is ready to let him go. And Sam isn’t, but he does, and Sam deals with that loss, and finds his way into life and living and loving and happiness in a way that Dean simply wouldn’t have been able to. Because he lost the love of his life.
And Dean waited for Sam to show because of course he would. Sam was the only thing missing: Cas, and Jack, and everyone else Dean has ever loved and cared about, were already in Heaven. For the show to go on, Sam had to return too.
Hope.
That hopeful ending that I, and so many, many of us, have always wanted. Sure, everyone’s DEAD, which, you know, bummer, but they are at peace, they are together, and they are done sacrificing, bleeding and dying. Isn’t that remarkable? Isn’t that the greatest reward? Love and happiness and togetherness. Forever!
And for this fandom, we got what we hoped we’d get, right? An ending open enough for us to keep returning to this narrative over and over and over.
Let me formally apologise for the despair of yesterday. For all of you still feeling it, I send you so much love. Know I understand, I honestly do, but I hope, perhaps, some of these words will offer a sliver of comfort.
So, this is first impression based on second watch of 15x20 positivity. Let me know if anything hits right or hits wrong and let’s talk. <3
#spn meta#spn 15x20#dammit dabb#positivity#spn finale positivity#spn finale#destiel#dean#sam#cas#jack
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Jeff Hardy, Christian, Raven, Al Snow x Fem Reader- "Real Hardcore Shit"
Yeah, the title is supposed to be a pun of "hot girl shit".
I would like to apologize why I didn't post on Thursday.
I was typing this fanfic on Thursday and gonna post it on that day, but I didn't finish it as well as didn't finish it on Friday and Saturday.
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There's many different types of professional wrestling, as well as many different types of wrestlers.
There's technical wrestling done by the likes of Bret and Owen Hart, Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle, Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, Daniel Bryan, AJ Styles and more, luchador wrestling done by the likes of Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara, and high flyer wrestlers like Jeff Hardy that jump off of the top of the ropes or on top of ladders.
There's also the hardcore, death match wrestlers like Mick Foley and Terry Funk; these are wrestlers really willing to sacrifice and hurt their bodies by being beaten by anything from chairs to baseball bats (sometimes even wrapped in barb wire) or fall through tables set on fire.
There's different types of wrestling matches as well as different kinds of wrestling companies, from luchador wrestling companies to companies that feature all female wrestlers.
The World Wrestling Federation, which today is known as the WWE, features many different kinds of wrestlers and wrestling styles and matches, and during the late 90's, the WWF became much more violent and edgier than before.
One of the things they added during the late 90's and early 2000's were hardcore matches and championship belts, and these hardcore matches would have wrestlers brawling each other not just in the ring, but outside of the ring as well.
Throwing each other into walls or doors, getting beaten with steel chairs or trash cans, getting their faces rubbed in cakes or having their heads dunked in a toilet bowl or dirty water.
Most hardcore wrestlers aren't exactly Shawn Michaels/Jeff Hardy/Tyler Breeze-esque pretty boys that will have women swooning, but some hardcore wrestlers are pretty hot, and there have been some hot men who have done hardcore wrestling.
Al Snow was in a few of these matches during the late 90's and early 2000's, and at the end of the year 2000, he shaved that handlebar moustache he had at the height of his popularity.
Despite not looking much like a lunatic anymore, he was so cute and looked so good without that tacky moustache.
Raven, a former alumni of ECW, a wrestling company that will mostly always be remembered for being a violent, hardcore wrestling company despite featuring other types of wrestling, has joined the World Wrestling Federation at the end of the year 2000.
He did some hardcore wrestling matches during his time in ECW as well as the WWF, including some of those matches involving him getting his head dunked in a toilet bowl.
Around Thanksgiving 2000, Raven shaved off the tacky handlebar moustache he adorned when he joined the WWF.
Again, while Raven might play a disheveled grunge rocker, he has such a handsome face, just look at him in ECW and WCW, and he looked horrible with that handlebar moustache he had.
Thank God it was shaved off.
Jeff Hardy and his brother really blew up in popularity in the year 2000 and Jeff was the hot one in the Hardy Boyz duo.
Plus, Jeff did a few hardcore matches, not the kind involving him getting slammed and thrown into a wall or getting thrown in garbage cans, but he did do one.
Hardcore wrestling does involve wrestlers getting hit with chairs and crashing and breaking tables in half.
Jeff Hardy became known for jumping off of the tops of ladders in the year 2000, sometimes he'd jump off of the tops of ladders and break a table in half.
Does that count as hardcore wrestling?
Edge and Christian are a wrestling duo that have also blown up in popularity in the year 2000, and Christian is the hot one in the duo.
Plus, Edge and Christian became known for hitting people with chairs as well as doing a few wrestling matches with ladders, and again, hardcore wrestling involves hitting people with objects, usually violent ones, which includes chairs and ladders.
Would that count as hardcore wrestling?
There are also different kinds of pornography; softcore porn is porn that isn't so sexually explicit, whereas hardcore porn is pornography that's severely sexually explicit and graphic.
Keyword: hardcore.
No, hardcore porn doesn't involve people getting hit with chairs, but it's porn that's very sexually explicit and graphic.
You're so happy Raven is now a part of the WWF roster, and you've fucked Christian, Jeff Hardy and even Al Snow before (though you've fucked Raven before as well).
You know what hardcore porn is, you've even watched it a few times, and since some of these aforementioned wrestlers have done hardcore matches...
Near the end of the year 2000, before Raven started growing facial hair again and after Al Snow and Raven shaved their handlebar moustaches, you were sitting naked on all fours on top of the bench in your locker room, while Raven was pounding and penetrating his cock in your twat behind you.
Christian and Jeff were standing in front of you with their cocks pointing at your face, whereas Al Snow was standing in between them while his penis was inside your mouth.
Your fingers were wrapped around Christian and Jeff's shafts, pumping up and down their dicks, masturbating them.
Their cocks were rock hard under your fingers, their penises kept stretching and growing longer while you masturbated them.
Their dicks nearly were rising up taller more and more, but you were holding them down and pointing them at your face.
You can also feel how hard Al's cock is in your mouth, the tip of his penis may as well touch your uvula and be down your throat.
As you're sucking on Al's dick, your mouth is automatically going up his shaft while sucking it.
Al has one of his hands on top of your head, his fingers laced through your hair.
Raven's hard erection is stretching your pussy walls out, thrusting, pounding and shoving back and forth inside of you.
Raven's hands are also placed on your breasts, where he's gently squeezing and fondling them.
You can feel his fingers over your nipples, and you want to shout at him to tweak your nips, but you've got a dick in your mouth.
Blood has been filling your clitoris up as Raven pounds his cock in you.
Raven's thrusts have been rather rough and hard, he's basically shoving you into Al's crotch.
Even though Raven was hot at the end of the year 2000 after he shaved that handlebar moustache, you were imagining Raven during his time in ECW and WCW fucking you, that was when he was at his hottest and sexiest, by far.
Christian had his long blond hair hanging down, not tied back in a ponytail, because you love the way he looks with his long hair hanging down.
Al, Raven, and Jeff as well had their hair hanging down, because they all look so hot and cute with their hair hanging down, though Raven, Al and Jeff usually do let their hair hang down.
Raven's hair has been dry during this little gangbang, not wet and clinging onto his skin.
You couldn't decide who you wanted to fuck you, they're all so hot, Christian and Jeff are easily the hottest.
Though, there are some really hot men you want to suck their dicks as well as get their cum all over you, so you decided with Raven.
To be honest, Raven is probably the least attractive out of all of these men, which is why he's banging you from behind and not in the front.
Of course you had to give Al Snow a blowjob, he will always be remembered for his sexual innuendo catchphrase ("What does everybody want?" he'd ask, to which the audience would shout back "HEAD!").
Christian and Jeff wrapped their fingers around their shafts, not each other's shafts, mind you (like Jeff wrapping his fingers around Christian's dick), but on an empty space under your fingers before your hand slid down or up a spot.
They wanted to help cum on you too.
They tried to masturbate their cocks and aimed their penises at your face, pumping up and down their shafts under your fingers.
Al, meanwhile, was looking at you blowing him off, your lips perfectly wrapped around his cock, your mouth going up and down his shaft and erection.
He was grinning at you sucking onto him, and he has the cutest damn smile ever.
Christian and Jeff, too, were looking at you giving Al a blowjob, they were both smiling and even laughing a bit as well.
Your hands were cranking Christian and Jeff's cocks, sometimes your fingers rotated around their shafts while they went up and down their erections.
Precum started spilling out of their slits and down their shafts, some of their precum got on your face.
The tips of their penises were nudging and touching your face, that way you'll get precum on your face.
Their shafts became a lot more slippery thanks to precum trickling down them, easier for you to pump their erections.
Precum is also leaking out of Al's slit and seeping into your tongue, some of his precum is even running down your throat.
Your moans were muffled thanks to having Al's cock in your mouth, you're moaning not just because of Raven fucking you, but how good Al's cock tastes.
Al's biting his bottom lip while you suck his cock, Jeff's eyes are rolling to the top of his head in ecstasy.
While holding his cock in his hand, Christian directed his dick to your lips, where he pressed his penis head on your lips and slid it across your top lip, rubbing the tip of his penis like a lipstick.
Strange, but whatever.
Since Al has that iconic catchphrase, he may as well say it...
"What does everybody want?" he asked loudly.
"HEAD!" Christian and Jeff exclaimed, laughing after they said that.
Even Al couldn't keep a straight face asking that.
"What does everybody need?" Al asked.
"HEAD!" Christian and Jeff retorted.
It was always one of your goals in life to suck on Al Snow's cock while he shouted his catchphrase, and your dreams have come true.
You're swallowing any precum leaking out of Al's dick, sometimes your tongue is trying to roll and wrap around Al's shaft.
Your tongue is also trying to lick up his cock like it's a Popsicle, licking up his shaft vertically and licking up any salty precum that trickled down his dick.
Your hand directed Christian's penis to the middle of your face, and you wanted him to jack off on your face.
Al is tempted into crotch chopping a la D Generation X and shouting the catchphrase that goes along with it, but shouting "suck it!" and crotch chopping is sooooooooo 1999.
When your mouth and face elevated up to the tip of his cock, instead of going back down his shaft, your tongue vertically licked his slit from bottom to top.
Your tongue caressed around on his penis head despite that you're not holding his penis, your tongue roaming and zigzagging all over his penis head.
This took Al by surprise, his eyes growing wide in shock, but hey, he's still getting head.
Your tongue lolled out of your mouth and pressed onto Al's shaft, where it licked and caressed up his erection, licking up any precum trickling down it.
Your tongue swirled and twirled around his cock like it was someone swinging around a stripper pole, your tongue elevated up to the tip of his penis as it twirled around his shaft.
As you're getting plowed from behind, you're orgasmically moaning and breathing onto Al's penis, your warm breath staining onto his shaft.
When your tongue reached the top of Al's cock, your hand moved the tips of Christian and Jeff's penises to your mouth, where your tongue shifted over to Christian's penis.
Your tongue vertically licked up Christian's erection from his shaft to his penis head, licking up any precum.
Once your tongue reached the top of Christian's dick, your tongue horizontally slid across from Christian's head to across Al's penishead and Jeff's tip.
This took Christian, Al and Jeff by surprise over what a cock addicted slut you are, licking their penis heads across.
Your tongue slid down Jeff's shaft, only to slide and elevate back up his erection up to his penishead again.
You'd love it if you could fit 3 cocks into your mouth, maybe you even can.
Hardcore sex is sex that's very detailed and sexually explicit, much more sexually explicit than softcore porn, that's why you have all of these wrestlers who've done hardcore matches jizzing on your face and sucking their cocks.
Al is murmuring and thinking what a dirty, cock addicted slut you while he grins at you, and Christian and Jeff can hear what Al's saying, they both agree with him.
You want Christian and Jeff (and Al and even Raven's) precum as well as jizz in general all over your face, so while still grasping onto Christian and Jeff's cocks, you moved their penises to point at your forehead, your hands still cranked up and down their shafts.
Some of their precum was dripping onto your face and sliding down your cheeks, and that's what you want.
Al sees Christian and Jeff masturbating on your face as well as your hands pumping up and down their shafts, so Al wrapped his fingers around his shaft and pointed his dick at your face, where he jacked off on your face.
His penis head was nudging the middle of your face, making sure his precum spills out of his slit and on your face.
Some of his precum is landing on your face, where some of his other precum is spilling down his erection.
Your eyes have been closed luckily thanks to being in ecstasy and turned on over Raven fucking you with his hard, massive cock.
You haven't been faking your orgasm, Raven is making you feel like this.
You don't just want Al's cock, but Christian and Jeff's as well, they're way sexier men, so you pulled their cocks down to your mouth again and shifted your mouth over to Christian's cock, now paying attention to his dick this time.
Though, damn, you'd love to lick and suck on all of these cocks in front of you, maybe you will do that.
Your tongue licked Christian's cock at first, only to pull his dick into your mouth and suck on it.
You also unwrapped your fingers off of Christian's shaft and wrapped them around Al's dick this time, proceeding to try to masturbate him.
Christian saw you now sucking his penis, which made him unwrap his fingers off of his shaft, his fingers now sticky in precum.
You didn't just suck on Christian's cock, but also licked it as well, licking up any precum spilling down his shaft and swallowing his precum.
Your tongue is caressing Christian's cock like how it caresses any penis.
It's a little difficult for you suck on Christian's dick while masturbating Al's cock in front of your face, so you let go of Al's penis, which shocked him and made his eyes widen.
However, Al saw Christian and Jeff jerking themselves off on your face, so he aimed and pointed his cock at your face this time, he continued to masturbate his dick.
His precum was landing on your face, thank God your eyes were closed.
Since you have 2 wrestlers on the same side of your face, Al walked around Christian and stopped walking until Christian was in the middle instead of Al.
Al pointed his penis at your face, still jerking his cock off.
Your nipples were in between Raven's fingers, meanwhile, whilst he squeezed and pressed them.
Your pussy has been getting even more moist than before from having so much sexual arousal.
Christian is tempted into crotch chopping and shouting "suck it!" a la D Generation X, but again, that's becoming outdated.
Though, it would make this gangbang sexier.
D Generation X had already broken up by the end of the year 2000.
As you suck on Christian's dick, you're moaning and mumbling "mmmmmmmm" over and over quite a bit with his cock in between your mouth and lips.
Raven's fingers have bunched up until your nipples are under his fingers, where he tweaked and turned your nipples.
You've been sucking on Christian's cock for quite a bit, and you want them to not just cum on your face (and in your mouth), but your breasts as well.
When you reached the top of Christian's penis, you slid your face over to Jeff's cock, letting his penis inside your mouth.
Saving the best for last.
Jeff lit up deep down inside when it was his turn now, he smiled from ear to ear.
Jeff unwrapped his fingers off of his shaft when it was his turn to get blown, letting your mouth engulf his cock.
Your lips and head bobbed up and down his shaft, swallowing his precum leaking out of his slit.
Your tongue and mouth could taste his salty precum on his erection, your mouth was sucking the precum off of his dick.
Christian, meanwhile, has wrapped his fingers around his shaft again, and since he's a bit far away from you this time, he walked around Al and Jeff until Jeff was now standing in the middle, where once he was standing next to Jeff, he proceeded to wrap his fingers around his shaft and start pumping his cock again, masturbating and jerking off on your face until some precum is leaking out of his dick and on your face.
Now, again, Christian isn't jacking off Jeff or Al, he's masturbating himself.
You're moaning while sucking on Jeff's cock, moaning "mmmmmmmmmm" sometimes while sucking it.
You don't just wanna get precum on your face, but your breasts as well, so when you reached the top of Jeff's cock, you turned your head and told Raven to sit down and you'll ride his lap.
Raven listened to you, where he removed his hands off of your breasts and wrapped his arms around your waist, his fingers grabbing onto one of his arms, where he sat down on the bench and pulled you onto his lap, where now you were sitting up straight in front of him, riding and bouncing up and down his cock.
Al and Christian (and Jeff, too) remembered how you wanted them to jack off and jizz on your breasts as well, so they directed their penises to your tits, the tips of their cocks now pointing and nudging at your breasts.
They still continued jacking and jerking off on your breasts, precum spilling out of their slits and sometimes on your breasts.
They didn't just do that, but held the tips of their penises to your areolas, pressing them there, where they made their penises run circles on your areolas while still jerking off.
Sometimes, they stopped doing that, just holding and pressing the tips of their cocks on your areolas so they can jizz on them.
Some of their precum is dripping down your tits, which is what you want, but you don't just want their precum on your breasts.
You've sucked on Jeff's cock for long enough, so when you reached the tip of his penis, you took it out of your mouth, where you directed his cock to your chest this time.
He saw Al and Christian jerking off on your breasts, so Jeff started to masturbate his cock over one of your breasts, aiming the tip of his penis to your tit.
Precum did fall out of his slit and onto your breast, some of his precum spilling down his shaft.
Raven, meanwhile, while you're riding him, his face is buried in the back of your neck, where he's biting a small part of your neck and sucking it.
You wailed and whimpered while he sunk his teeth into your neck, though he isn't biting you too hard.
One of his hands has moved to your clitoris, where his fingers are vertically furiously rubbing up and down your clit, trying to make you cum.
Though, men cum before women do.
Your high pitched moans have been filling up the locker room, thank God the door is closed and no one's in this locker room besides 4 other wrestlers.
However, you wouldn't mind if people saw this moment.
You're moaning Raven's name whilst you ride him and he's fucking you.
Speaking of cum, since they've been having their dicks pleasured for a long time, Al Snow was the first one to cum, groaning and moaning while he jizzed.
His cum gushed and spurted out of his slit, trickling down his shaft and dripping onto your tit.
Your eyes opened and quickly looked at Al's crotch, only to find his cock leaking his cum.
Your eyes quickly darted to your breast that Al had jizzed on, you saw his white, milk-like cum drenching your tit, and you don't just mean clear precum.
Your hand grabbed onto Al's penis and directed it to your other breast while his dick was still leaking his jizz out.
You wanted his cum all over you.
While you held his penis above your other breast, his semen kept dripping onto your breast, his jizz trickling down your tit.
You directed his penis to your face, where you leaned your head back and let his cum drip on your face.
Your hand motioned his cock around your face, getting his jizz all over your face, your eyes luckily were closed.
Your mouth was also agape and wide open, wanting his cum in your mouth, and some of his hot milky cum was getting inside your mouth.
Speaking of jizz, Raven was the next one to cum (that rhymed), where he throatily groaned while he ejaculated into your twat.
His teeth bit down hard into your flesh while he came, and hearing him make that groan meant one thing.
You lifted and pulled yourself off of his lap, where his penis exited your pussy, and he knew the drill now that he's came.
He lifted one of his legs over the bench and lifted himself off of the bench, where he held his penis to one of your breasts, his slit still leaking his jizz out of his cock.
His cum was dripping onto your breast, and when his sperm landed on your tit, it ran down it like a raindrop on a window.
He could see Al Snow's jizz on your other breast, so with his fingers still wrapped around his cock, he directed his penis to your other breast, sometimes even cranking his fingers up and down his shaft to cum even more.
His jizz is still leaking out of his slit and dropping onto your breast, his cum mixing with other men's precum.
Your fingers grasped onto Raven's cock and shoved it to your face, letting his jizz drench and drip all over your face.
His seed was dripping out of his slit like water dripping out of a faucet.
With your mouth still open, you moved Raven's dick to your mouth and let his cum drip into your mouth.
His cum landed behind your bottom row of teeth as well as onto your tongue.
Since you want Christian and Jeff to cum on you as well, you told them you want them to move their dicks to your face, maybe they'll cum on your face.
They obeyed you, directing their penises to your face this time, still jacking off on your face.
Eventually, Christian had jizzed, exclaiming he's gonna cum before he did it, his eyes rolling to the top of his head and his mouth agape whilst he ejaculated.
His slit released his seed out, his cum dripping down his shaft, some of his cum also landing on your face.
He held his cock over your face, making sure his jizz gets on your face, and it did, his white cum leaking down your face.
Your mouth was still open and you stuck your tongue out, hoping to catch his jizz on your tongue like it's a snowflake.
His cum did land on your tongue, his cum salty and seeping into your tongue, where you rolled your tongue back in your mouth.
You ordered him to move his penis to your chest quickly while his slit is still gushing, and he directed and moved his cock to one of your breasts, pushing his fingers up his shaft until his jizz is landing on your breast.
Some of his cum did land on your breast and is dripping down it, your eyes have been looking at his dick drip his semen.
When you felt like you had enough of his cum on one of your breasts, you moved his cock to the other breast and let his dick drip his seed onto your tit.
Jeff was the last one to cum, where he jizzed on your face, shutting his eyes while he came, some of his cum getting on your face and dripping on your breast and thigh.
You wrapped your fingers around his shaft and pulled his dick to the middle of your face, letting his cum drip onto your face.
Your eyes were closed, hoping that you don't get his jizz in your eyes since that hurts so much, and your mouth was open hoping you get his cum into your mouth.
His cum did get inside of your mouth, hopefully you won't choke on it.
You moved his cock still dripping his cum to one of your breasts, letting his jizz drip on one of your breasts, then moved it to the other breast and getting your tit soaked in his cum.
You've got cum and precum dripping down your face and your breasts, your face and tits look like they have candlewax and lotion dripping down your skin.
Now that you're all drenched in cum, it's time to clean up, but not yourself.
You want to be drenched in so many wrestlers cum and you have, but that cum eventually washes off...
You ordered for these wrestlers to insert the tips of their cocks halfway into your mouth, so their seed could drip in your mouth.
They listened to you, wrapping their fingers around their shafts and holding their penises to your mouth, their penis heads half way into your mouth.
The sides of your mouth stretched out so their cocks will get into your mouth.
Cum was still dripping out of their slits, and your mouth was holding and gathering their jizz.
Some of their cum did seep into your tongue, where you were also there to swallow their semen, other times their cum landed behind your bottom teeth, where the tip of your tongue licked across only to swallow it.
You want cum to drip out of these men's dicks for a long time, and you want their seeds to drench your face and tits in jizz some more.
"Can you guys jack off some more on my face?" you asked. "I want more cum on my face and my tits!"
Al's eyes grew wide hearing that, so did Jeff and Christian's, but they can give it a go.
While these 4 wrestlers stood in front of you circling around you, they started jacking their cocks off and pointing the tips of their penises at your face, their slits still leaking their jizz onto your face.
Their cum did spill onto your face like honey slowly dripping.
They then moved their penises to your breasts, letting their seed drip onto your tits and watching their cum drip down your breasts.
You wish these men could cum and burst like a fire hydrant, that way their cum would get all over your face and breasts.
Now that you're all drenched in cum, it's time to clean up, but not yourself.
You'd love to suck on all of their penises at the same time, even if it's difficult.
Your fingers wrapped around Christian and Jeff's penises and held them close to your face, while you leaned into Al's crotch and let his penis into your mouth one last time.
Your mouth sucked on Al's cock, your mouth going up Al's cock while you sucked it.
Your mouth swallowed both his cum and his precum, while your tongue licked vertically up his shaft.
Even though you love sucking on one cock, you wouldn't mind sucking other cocks as well in your mouth...
The sides of your mouth stretched out, as well as your mouth in general widened.
"Raven!" you said. "Could you try to put your cock in my mouth?"
Is she gonna try to put my dick in her mouth? he thought, looking puzzled. While having other cocks in her mouth?
He remembers what a dirty girl you were back in the day, and you still haven't changed.
He shrugged his shoulders, only to lift his penis and trying to insert it into your mouth, sliding his dick next to the side of your mouth.
It was a bit of a tight fit, but whatever.
Their penises are becoming more flaccid after jizzing.
Your hands pulled and tried to fit Christian and Jeff's dicks into your mouth as well, their eyes growing wide over you actually trying to do this, inserting their penises into an empty space in your mouth.
If it doesn't work out, you can always do something else.
Their penises were halfway in your mouth, though this is gonna be difficult trying to put so many cocks in your mouth as well as suck on them.
You tried sucking on all of these cocks in your mouth despite it being difficult, as well as tried to raise your tongue and lick up their shafts.
Did it work?
No, not really.
So, you pulled Christian's penis out of your mouth as well as Jeff's, since this wasn't working all too well.
Raven and Al saw you pulling Christian and Jeff's dicks out of your mouth, which surprised them, and even Jeff and Christian looked a bit puzzled.
It really didn't work out all too well putting 4 dicks in your mouth.
Nice idea, bad execution.
Besides, you want to swallow their cum as well as rub their jizz on your lips like it's lipstick.
Raven pulled his penis out of your mouth, with Al's cock in your mouth this time.
You pulled your head away from Al's penis, much to his dismay, which upset him at first, but you have some 'spainin' to do.
"Sorry Al" you confessed. "You'll have your turn soon"
While still holding onto Christian's penis, you moved the tip of his cock to your lips, where you slid his penis head across your upper lip like it's a lipstick, rubbing his jizz across your top lip.
Despite that his slit was barely leaking any cum, some of his cum was spreading across your top lip, and when his penis head reached the corner of your mouth, you made his penis rub across your top lip back and forth, horizontally, left and right across your top lip.
Christian as well as these other 3 wrestlers were viewing this, this was so unusual and strange, but Christian doesn't mind this.
In fact, he's grinning whilst you rub the tip of his penis across your top lip.
Though, you wish his slit could gush more cum out.
When you felt like you had enough of rubbing his dick back and forth across your top lip, you shifted his penis to your bottom lip, where you slid his penis head across your bottom lip, spreading his jizz across your lip.
You rubbed his penis head back and forth across your bottom lip like before, and after that was over, you pulled his penis into your open mouth and started sucking on his cock, your tongue licking up any semen that ran down his shaft.
Your tongue caressed vertically up his cock, licking up the jizz that had sunk into your tongue, your tongue reaching to the top of his penis.
Your mouth and throat muscles were swallowing his cum and precum while your tongue caressed up his seed.
He barely had any cum on his shaft since his dick was previously in your mouth while you tried putting other penises in your mouth.
Al, Jeff, Christian and even Raven are all tempted into shouting "suck it!" and crotch chopping their hands over their genitals, but...that's quite outdated.
When you were done sucking Christian's penis, you let go of his shaft and moved onto Al's penis next, where you rubbed his penis head back and forth across both of your lips and gave him a blowjob afterwards, swallowing his cum and licking his jizz off of his shaft.
After that, you rubbed Raven and Jeff's penis heads across your lips and gave them blowjobs, swallowing their cum and licking their shafts you saved Jeff for last because he's probably the hottest out of all of these men.
You wish Rob Van Dam could've been a part of this gangbang, he did a few hardcore matches over in ECW, though sadly, he was in ECW at the end of the year 2000.
When you had some time in ECW as well as the WWF, you were pictured naked wearing wrestling belts for the hardcore championship title across your "bathing suit areas", across your tits and vagina, wearing those belts like they're a tube top and miniskirt.
That picture was turned into a poster and T-shirt that read "I like it...hardcore".
You even pitched an idea to the WWF creative staff in December 2000, before Raven and Al Snow grew facial hair again, where, since they've done some hardcore matches (once to each other!) you try seducing them into doing it hardcore with them, hardcore as in sex.
Hardcore porn is very heavily sexually explicit porn, porn that's very graphic and NSFW, that's why you had the most sexually graphic gangbang with 2 wrestlers that have done hardcore matches as well as 2 pseudo-hardcore wrestlers.
_____________________________________________________________
Raven (yes, the Raven I typed about in this fanfic, the same Raven from WCW and ECW and yes, the WWF/E, TNA and Ring of Honor who played Scotty Flamingo and Johnny Polo before becoming Raven) has a podcast, and in 2017, he discussed on his podcast with Billy Corgan (yes, from Smashing Pumpkins) about erotic wrestling fanfiction and what a massive treasure trove there is of it.
Just imagine if Raven discovered some of my erotic wrestling fanfics, especially some of the ones I've typed about him!
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A List of All of Dean Winchester’s Injuries
Yes. I did. I did go through every single episode of Supernatural and recorded every time Dean got injured. Do not question me, I know what I did, I had no one tell me ‘no’ so I did it, and now I’m done.
Now, this list might not be the most accurate. I did not sit down and watch every single episode in full, eyes glued to the screen for every time Dean got injured. I only skimmed. Here’s a gif I made to show how I did it:
(sorry it’s bad quality it’s the first gif I’ve ever made) I skimmed through the episode and used the little preview screen to look for any time there was fast movement, blood or a spell that might require someone cutting their palm. I also kept an eye out for angel-banishing sigils. Since I only skimmed, there’s a chance I missed some injuries or even times that Dean was magically healed. So again, might not be an accurate list but I did my best. Feel free to tell me anything I missed.
Here’s a key to help you through the list: - most of this lists the actual injury, e.g. “cut on left temple” but other times it’ll list an action that may cause injruy, e.g. “thrown into wall” - “thrown into/against” means that he impacted the object, but the object did not break / he did not go through it - “thrown through” means that the object broke on impact and he ended up on the other side - “internal pain” means that someone used magic to do something to him, but I have no idea what, all I know is that he looked in pain and was mostly gripping his stomach - “handcuffed” means actual handcuffs were used, “tied around wrists” means either rope or zip-ties were used - “punched” means just punched in the face, any other area on the body will be specified - any episodes that aren’t on the list means he wasn’t injured in them
Some misc notes: - I do not include any injuries that don’t actually happen, e.g. future visions, nightmares, hallucinations or a fake reality - I might be inconsistent with the amount of times I specify what was used to knock Dean out, and not listing what was used. Sorry about that. It’s because I either just couldn’t see the object, or I was lazy that day - I don’t usually specify the size of the injury either, I usually just say “cut”, sorry. I only realised like 6 seasons in that I probably should be specifying the size, and also taking screenshots, but I couldn’t be bothered going back and fixing it, nor could I be bothered specifying the size from then on. I’m sorry, it was just going to feel weird if 6 seasons in I only then start specifying - I don’t include possessions, but I do specify when injuries happen while possessed - I include some commentary of what kind of injuries I thought should’ve happened based on the action - There will also be a list for Sam’s injuries posted later, but there will not be one for Cas. Going into this, I only wanted to know Dean and Sam’s injuries for some redesigns I want to do, I didn’t feel it was necessary for me to know Cas’ because he won’t have scars in my redesign (at least his vessel won’t). Please don’t expect me to go back and make a list for Cas, this already took up so much of my time and I don’t want to do it again.
Let’s begin, shall we?
Season 1
1x1: Pilot - jumps off a bridge 1x2: W*ndigo - wrists tied above his head - cut on left side of forehead - cut on right cheek - cut on right side of neck 1x5: Bloody Mary - infected by Bloody Mary 1x6: Skin - tied to a chair around his chest, hips, wrists and ankles 1x10: Asylum - shot in the chest with rock salt - mind almost influenced by Ellicot, manages to burn the corpse before he can, but it did cause him pain 1x11: Scarecrow - knocked out with the butt of a gun - wrists tied up above his head 1x12: Faith - electrocuted, passes out - heart attack - heart is damaged (their words not mine) - healed by a reaper - life drained from him, process is stopped before completed 1x15: The Benders - cut above right eye - knocked unconscious with a pan - punched - burn on upper left pec 1x16: Shadow - cut on edge of right eyebrow - wrists tied - four claw marks down the left side of his forehead 1x18: Something Wicked - cut on left side of hairline 1x22: Devil’s Trap - thrown into a windshield - diagonal cut across his chest
Hey! Under the cut this post is really long!! Please be sure you want to read the rest before clicking because you’ll be scrolling for a while!
Season 2
2x1: In My Time of Dying - in a carcrash - vertical cut on right side of forehead - cut on right ear - cut on left cheek - bruised and cut knuckles - head truama - cut on left forearm 2x2: Everybody Love a Clown - punched 2x3: Bloodlust - punched - thrown into a table 2x7: The Usual Suspects - handcuffed 2x10: Hunted - knocked unconscious by the butt of a sniper rifle - tied around his wrists and ankles 2x12: Nightshifter - choked - punched 2x14: Born Under a Bad Sign - knocked unconscious with a gun - shot in the left shoulder - thrown against a wall - punched - cut above left eye 2x15: Tall Tales - thrown around - punched 2x16: Roadkill - cut along the right side of his jaw / cheek - thrown against a wall 2x19: Folsom Prison Blues - handcuffed on wrists and ankles - punched - cut on left cheek - hit in the gut 2x20: What is and What Should Never Be - strangled - put to sleep by a Djinn - wrists tied above his head - drained of his blood 2x22: All Hell Breaks Loose, Part 2 - thrown into a gravestone - diagonal cut on the right side of his forehead
Season 3
3x1: The Magnificent Seven - hit in the face and stomach 3x2: The Kids are Alright - thrown around - punched - kneed - elbowed 3x3: Bad Day at Black Rock - stumbles and falls into a table - hit in the chin with gun 3x4: Sin City - thrown around - strangled 3x5: Bedtime Stories - strangled - thrown into a cabinet (probably has cuts since the cabinet had glass) - punched - cut on left side of his hairline 3x6: Red Sky At Morning - thrown into a gravestone 3x7: Fresh Blood - slash on inner left forearm - thrown into a wall - bit on the right side of his neck 3x8: A Very Supernatural Christmas - head banged against a wall and knocked unconscious - tied to a chair by his wrists and ankles - slash on inner left forearm - slash on inner right forearm - cut on right side of hairline - punched 3x9: Malleus Maleficarum - either hexed, sick by voodoo or a spell, they never really specify, but he vomits blood (healed by a potion) - thrown into a picture frame (likely bleeding at back of head) 3x12: Jus in Bello - handcuffed - shot in the left shoulder - punched - thrown against wall 3x13: Ghostfacers! - thrown around 3x14: Long-Distance Call - punched - cut on right eyebrow 3x15: Time is On My Side - thrown into a cabinet 3x16: No Rest for the Wicked - kneed - punched - cut above right eye - thrown onto a table - torn to shreds by a hellhound - (3 long slashes on left thigh) - (4 long slashes down chest) - (1 long slash from right shoulder to hip, back and front) - DEAD
Season 4
4x1: Lazarus Rising -(resurrected by Castiel, clean slate, no scars) - handprint burnt into his left shoulder - cut on inner left bicep - bruised and cut knuckles - bleeds out of his ears from Castiel trying to talk to him 4x2: Are You There, God? It’s Me, Dean Winchester - punched - kicked in the face - kicked in the gut - Victor’s ghost hand in his chest 4x3: In the Beginning - thrown into a wall - punched - kicked - thrown into a bookshelf 4x4: Metamorphosis - thrown against a wall - strangled - slammed into a table and knocked unconscious - cut above right eyebrow 4x5: Monster Movie - shoved into a wall - drugged - tied down in a metal contraption - punched 4x6: Yellow Fever - crashed into a shopping cart - infected by “ghost sickness” - three scratch marks on inner left forearm - punched - both inner forearms scratched up (disappears once the ghost is killed) 4x7: It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester - internal pain - thrown into a wall 4x8: Wishful Thinking - super punched into some trash cans - possible broken knuckles - strangled 4x9: I Know What You Did Last Summer - shoved into a wall - punched - jumped out a window - dislocated shoulder - cut on outer right forearm - possibly some cuts along his torso - slash on outer left forearm 4x10: Heaven and Hell - punched - choked 4x11: Family Remains okay so I literally could not see a thing this episode, it was a very dark episode, but I think Dean got punched 4x12: Criss Angel is a Douche Bag - hung by his neck 4x14: Sex and Violence - infected by a siren - punched - thrown around - stabbed in the back of his right shoulder 4x15: Death Takes a Holiday - thrown into a gravestone and knocked out 4x16: On the Head of a Pin - punched - cut across nose - cut above left eye - strangled 4x17: It’s a Terrible Life - thrown into a shelf - thrown against a wall - cut on left side of hairline 4x18: The Monster at the End of This Book - hit by a car (he’s fine) 4x19: Jump The Shark - thrown through a glass door - punched 4x20: The Rupture - cut above left eyebrow - punched 4x21: When the Levee Breaks - punched - kneed - thrown face first into a mirror - thrown into a glass table - strangled 4x22: Lucifer Rising - punched Cas, hurt his knuckles
Season 5
5x1: Sympathy for the Devil - punched through wooden railing - kicked through a door - kneed - drew an angel banishing symbol so there is a cut either on his left forearm or left palm - stage 4 stomach cancer (healed) 5x2: Good God, Ya’ll! - kneed in the groin - punched 5x4: The End - knocked unconscious - handcuffed - punched 5x5: Fallen Idols - punched - knocked unconscious - tied around wrists 5x6: I Believe The Children Are Our Future - thrown into a wall - strangled 5x7: The Curious Case of Dean Winchester - aged rapidly into an old man 5x8: Changing Channels - grabbed on right bicep with super strangth - shot in the back (possibly healed by Gabriel? they don’t specify what happened) - shoved into a door 5x9: The Real Ghostbusters - thrown against a wall - strangled 5x10: Abandon All Hope - punched into a tree - cut on edge of right eyebrow 5x11: Sam, Interrupted - thrown against a wall - punched 5x12: Swap Meat - thrown into a wall - thrown into a mirror 5x13: The Song Remains The Same - strangled - thrown through a window - knocked unconscious - thrown around 5x14: My Bloody Valentine - punches Cupid - thrown into a door - cut above left eyebrow 5x15: Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid - handcuffed 5x16: Dark Side of the Moon - shot in the chest - DEAD (resurrected by Joshua) 5x17: 99 Problems - bruised and cut knuckles - strangled 5x18: Point of No Return - drew an angel-banishing sigil so he must have cut himself somewhere but it isn’t visible - shoved against wall - punched - kicked into chain-link fence - cut on left cheek - handcuffed - split lip - cut on his chin 5x19: Hammer of the Gods - thrown into a shelf 5x20: The Devil You Know - cut on left side of hairline - kicked 5x21: Two Minutes to Midnight - affected by pestilence (stopped later on) - faints - fingers stepped on, possibly broken - left palm burnt 5x22: Swan Song - thrown into windshield - punched - cut on right cheek - broken nose - cut above left eyebrow - (all healed by Cas)
Season 6
6x1: Exile on Main St - stabbed in the chest with a syringe - poisoned by Djinn 6x2: Two and a Half Men - thrown around - strangled and passes out 6x3: The Third Man - there’s an angel banishing sigil that I’m assuming he drew, so there might be a cut on one of his forearms or palms 6x5: Live Free or Twihard - thrown into a dumpster - punched - forced to drink blood of vampire - passes out - cured of vampirism 6x6: You Can’t Handle The Truth - knocked unconscious - tied by his wrists 6x9: Clap Your Hands If You Believe - abducted by fairies (don’t know if he was knocked out or if something else happened) - punched - handcuffed - thrown into iron bars - cut by right eye 6x10: Caged Heart - knocked unconscious 6x11: Appointment in Samarra - DEAD (brought back by Dr. Robert and Eva) 6x13: Unforgiven - tied up with webs - strangled 6x15: The French Mistake - thrown through a window - punched - internal pain 6x16: ... And Then There Were None - infected with the khan worm - electrocuted on his left outer forearm, leaves a horizontal burn mark 6x18: Frontierland - jumps through a window 6x19: Mommy Dearest - bit on the lower left side of his neck, near the nape (healed by Cas) 6x20: The Man Who Would Be King - punched 6x21: Let It Bleed - thrown into a car - strangled - punched 6x22: The Man Who Knew Too Much - in the impala when it’s flipped over - thrown over stairs and impacts onto a metal table (that honestly should have straight up broken his back)
Season 7
7x1: Meet the New Boss - horizontal cut on right forearm - thrown into a metal table and glass jars 7x2: Hello, Cruel World - left palm cut, maybe back of hand - broken right leg 7x3: The Girl Next Door - cut on left eyebrow - cut on left ear 7x4: Defending Your Life - possibly knocked unconscious - chained to a chair 7x5: Shut Up, Dr. Phil - thrown through a glass door - punched 7x6: Slash Fiction - handcuffed - thrown into a trophy cabinet 7x7: The Mentalists - window exploded next to him (he should earn some cuts from that) - punched 7x8: Season 7, Time for a Wedding! - thrown into a column - strangled 7x9: How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters - poisoned by goo (nothing serious, he’s just unconcerned with everything for a bit) 7x11: Adventures In Babysitting - horizontal cut on his left outer forearm - strangled 7x12: Time After Time - handcuffed - punched - strangled 7x15: Repo Man - stabbed with a syringe on the right side of his neck - tied around his wrists - vertical cut on his left outer forearm 7x16: Out With the Old - kicked in the face - thrown into a glass cabinet - thrown into a table with glass on it - thrown through a glass door 7x17: The Born-Again Identity - head banged against glass - thrown into a shelf 7x20: The Girl With the Dungeons and Dragon Tattoo - somersaulted through glass 7x21: Reading is Fundamental - drew an angel-banishing sigil, so there is a cut on one of his forearms or palms 7x22: There Will Be Blood - cut on left palm - thrown around
Season 8
8x1: We Need to Talk About Kevin - horizontal cut on his left outer forearm - horizontal cut on his left inner forearm - honestly cannot tell what’s meant to be his injury and what’s meant to be someone else’s blood. He might have cuts on his ears, head and neck, right cheek, and nose. Maybe along his chin and jaw too - bruised and cut knuckles - strangled 8x2: What’s Up, Tiger Mommy? - cuts around his right eye - cut on his upper lip - thrown into a wall 8x3: Heartache - punched - slammed onto his back - five holes in chest from fingers 8x4: Bitten - thrown into a wall 8x5: Blood Brother - cut on his left cheek, though I’m not sure if it’s new or from the last Purgatory flashback 8x6: Southern Comfort - punched - strangled - thrown into a table - infected by a coin? I’m not completely 100% sure what happened there - thrown into glass 8x7: A Little Slice of Kevin - horizontal cut on left inner forearm - rolled down a hill - thrown into some chains 8x8: Hunteri Heroici - hard impact on floor - hit in the face with a pan 8x9: Citizen Fang - punched - handcuffed - cut above right eyebrow - thrown into some wood planks - slice on the left side of his neck 8x10: Torn and Frayed - threw himself against a door multiple times - thrown against a window - strangled 8x12: As Time Goes By - handcuffed 8x13: Everybody Hates Hitler - thrown into a car - punched 8x14: Trial and Error - possible claw marks on left side, he puts his hand there but injury isn’t visible and not treated after 8x15: Man’s Best Friend With Benefits - thrown into a bedside table and knocked unconscious - thrown into a painting and tables 8x16: Remember the Titans - tripped and tossed onto the ground - flung back against ground - thrown against column 8x17: Goodbye Stranger - thrown into a wall - either broken or twisted right arm - punched - cut on left eyebrow - cut on bottom lip - cut on left cheek - cut near centre of forehead - cut on left temple - cut on nose, nose also probably broken - (all healed by Cas) 8x19: Taxi Driver - thrown into a tree 8x23: Sacrifice - handcuffed
Season 9
9x1: I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here - head banged against boot of impala - windows exploded around him, might earn him a few cuts - strangled - cut on left side of hairline - cut on left eyebrow - cut below left eye - possible cut below lip, can’t tell if it’s meant to be a cut or if it’s just a lot of blood - either a cut on his left ear or his ears bled from the sound of angels - possibly went unconscious for a second - two cuts on right cheek - cut near his left temple 9x2: Devil May Care - punched - arm twisted - thrown through a window 9x3: I’m No Angel - thrown into a counter and hits a trashcan when he falls off 9x4: Slumber Party - punched across room - kicked in groin while possessed by a witch 9x5: Dog Dean Afternoon - punched - kneed - elbowed - tied around wrists 9x6: Heaven Can’t Wait - thrown against a wall 9x7: Bad Boys - thrown against a wall - choked - thrown into a table - handcuffed 9x8: Rock and a Hard Place - enveloped by blue flame - thrown through table and knocked unconscious 9x9: Road Trip - punched unconscious - thrown against column 9x10: Road Trip - thrown into a bookshelf 9x11: First Born - thrown onto a table x2 - kneed - punched in the chest - shoved into a shelf, counter and wall - Mark of Cain transferred over to him 9x13: The Purge - passes out 9x14: Captives - knocked unconscious - cut on left eyebrow - tied around his wrists - cut on right side of neck, under jaw 9x15: #THINMAN - tasered unconscious - handcuffed 9x18: Meta Fiction - cut up knuckles 9x19: Alex Annie Alexis Ann - knocked unconscious with a piece of wood - punched through a chair 9x21: King of the Damned - thrown into a glass frame painting 9x22: Stairway to Heaven - handcuffed - punched 9x23: Do You Believe in Miracles - vomiting / coughing up blood - thrown into a concrete wall x2 - kicked in the face - crushed wrist - cuts along hairline - cut on right eyebrow - cut on left cheek - stabbed in the centre of chest with angel blade - cuts on chin - possible split lip - cut above left eyebrow - DEAD (wakes up as a demon)
Season 10
10x2: Reichenbach - cut on left palm (heals itself) - cut on left cheek (heals itself) - handcuffed 10x3: Soul Survivor - tied around ankles (still handcuffed) - needle in right inner forearm x 4 - needle in back of neck 10x4: Paper Moon - hit on the back of head with gun - punched 10x5: Fan Fiction - thrown into a wooden set piece - backhanded a few feet 10x6: Ask Jeeves - thrown into a bedside table and lamp - hit shoulders against doors multiple times 10x7: Girls, Girls, Girls - punched - hit in the face with a gun - hit in the gut - cut on left cheek - cut on left eyebrow - cut on right side of cheek 10x8: Hibbing 911 - knocked unconscious - tied around wrists - punched 10x9: The Things We Left Behind - bottle smashed over his head - cut on left side of head - kicked in the face 10x10: The Hunter Games - bruised and cut knuckles 10x11: There’s No Place Like Home - strangled - punched - kicked - kneed - thrown - cut across nose - cut on right eyebrow - bruised and cut knuckles 10x12: About a Boy - strangled - elbowed - hit repeatedly against tiled floor and fridge 10x13: Half & Catch Fire - thrown into a brick column - thrown through a door and into a shelf - strangled 10x14: The Executioner’s Song - hit in the right side - thrown around - punched - thrown through a window - lots of small cuts around right eye - strangled - split lip 10x15: The Things They Carried - thrown onto a table and into the edge of a fireplace - tackled into a table 10x16: Paint it Black - backhanded across a room - strangled 10x17: Inside Man - hit in the back - tackled into a wood column - tackled onto a pool table - strangled - punched 10x18: Book of the Damned - tackled by someone who just jumped through a window - punched 10x19: The Werther Project - cut on right side of hairline - possibly a cut or two on or behind right ear - cut on left side of hairline - bruised and cut knuckles - tied to a chair by wrists, middle and ankles - horizontal cut on right forearm 10x20: Angel Heart - kicked - punched 10x21: Dark Dynasty - kicked in the back - strangled - thrown into a dumpster 10x22: The Prisoner - handcuffed - plastic bag over head, suffocated - tied down to a table by wrists and ankles - maybe some cuts on his head, arms and knuckles but honestly I think all the blood on him belongs to others, I don’t think he was injured at all while killing the Stynes 10x23: Brother’s Keeper - punches a mirror - cut on left palm - punched - struck by lightning that removes the Mark of Cain
Season 11
11x1: Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire - pushed to the ground 11x2: Form and Void - headbutted - thrown through a door and into a wall 11x3: The Bad Seed - thrown into a concrete wall - thrown through wood pallets - thrown into a chain-link fence - punched - cut above and below left eyebrow - split lip 11x4: Baby - punched - strangled - cut above left eye - two cuts below left eye - handcuffed - three cuts on right cheek, close to jaw - cuts worsened from the impala crashing - cut on or behind right ear - shoved against impala - bit on left side of neck - cut on right temple - cut on nose - cut below lip - (all is hinted to be healed by Cas later on) 11x5: Thin Lizzie - knocked unconscious - cut on left side of hairline - tied around wrists - hit in head by gun 11x6: Our Little World - thrown through a mirror - thrown against stone pillar - thrown against wall 11x7: Push - face smashed against bars - thrown against desk - thrown through glass door - strangled 11x8: My Imagination - tied around his wrists - cut on left cheek - cut on left ear 11x10: The Devil in the Details - vomited - kicked - strangled - cut above and below left eye 11x11: Into the Mystic - eyes and ears bleeding from Banshee’s screech - head bashed into wooden column multiple times - cut on right side of hairline 11x13: Love Hurts - target of the “Kiss of Death” curse - wrist either broken or twisted 11x14: The Vessel - head banged on table - thrown onto table and lands on floor - shoved against stone column 11x15: Beyond the Mat - thrown against a metal beam - thrown through a door and into a wall - thrown down onto concrete ground - punched - tied around wrists 11x16: Safe House - hit by something and impacts the ground - knocked unconscious - cut on left palm - punched (while possessed by Soul Eater) - elbowed (while possessed) - thrown into table (while possessed) - chair smashed over him and knocked unconscious (while possessed) 11x17: Red Meat - punched - tasered unconscious - skid marks around left eye - broken ribs - overdoses on barbiturates (resuscitated) - handcuffed - strangled 11x18: Hell’s Angel - either internal pain or choked 11x19: The Chitters - punched 11x22: We Happy Few - thrown against a metal... cage, thing (I don’t know what it’s called) 11x23: Alpha and Omega - absorbs a couple hundred thousand souls that are later extracted by God
Season 12
12x1: Keep Calm and Carry On - arm pulled - foot pressed against throat - arm twisted - punched - knuckles punched with brass knuckles - thrown into car 12x2: Mamma Mia - handcuffed - hung by his wrists - punched with brass knuckles - cuts behind left ear - punched - (possibly healed by Cas seeing as he’s completely fine in the next shot) 12x3: The Foundry - throws himself against a door multiple times - elbowed in the face - choked - almost frozen - thrown against wall 12x5: The One You’ve Been Waiting For - tackled into a metal cabinet - punched - headbutted - thrown through a window 12x6: Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox - thrown into a table - thrown through a glass door 12x7: Rock Never Dies - thrown off a stage 12x8: LOTUS - handcuffed around wrists and ankles 12x9: First Blood - DEAD (ressurected by Billie) - cut on left palm 12x10: Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets - momentarily blinded - thrown into a wall x2 - right palm cut 12x11: Regarding Dean - blasted with a spell and knocked out - gradually loses his memory (restored by Rowena) 12x12: Stuck in the Middle (With You) - elbowed in the face - flung backwards - hit in gut with base of spear - headbutted - hit in the face with base of spear 12x16: Ladies Drink Free - shoved into a shelf 12x17: The British Invasion - flung back and hard impact on ground - thrown into big wheel 12x18: The Memory Remains - fell off railing and onto floor, knocked unconscious - cut behind right ear - wrists tied - head hit onto tiled wall 12x19: The Future - broken arm (healed by Cas) - elbowed in face 12x20: Twigs & Twine & Tasha Banes - internal pain 12x21: There’s Something About Mary - kneed in the groin 12x22: Who We Are - stone dust in eyes - really bad gash in left knee - sedated (needle in left side of neck) - thrown into bookshelf - punched - injured leg kicked - elbowed in face - cut on right cheek - cut on left earlobe - injured leg hit with a piece of wood - hit with piece of wood - strangled with a piece of wood 12x23: All Along the Watchtower - previous injuries healed by Cas - hit in the face with gun - punched - kicked
Season 13
13x1: Lost and Found - thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious - cut on lower lip - cut knuckles from punching wood sign - handcuffed - punched - hit in the face with base of angel blade - punched in side - kicked into desk - headbutted 13x2: The Rising Sun - punched in the back and face - shoved into table - tackled through wood room divider - choked 13x4: The Big Empty - knocked unconscious x2 - handcuffed - hit in the face with gun - cut on left cheek 13x5: Advanced Thanatology - thrown into chain-link fence - kills himself (resurrected by Billie) 13x6: Tombstone - thrown back into trolley 13x7: War of the Worlds - punched - strangled 13x8: The Scorpion and the Frog - middle finger pricked 13x9: The Bad Place - headbutted 13x10: Wayward Sisters - hit in the face with base of spear and knocked unconscious - tied around wrists 13x12: Various & Sundry Villains - hexed with love spell - hexed to stay in one spot - thrown into wall - thrown into glass frame picture - strangled - hammer to the back of left knee 13x13: Devil’s Bargain - thrown through door and into wall - internal pain 13x14: Good Intentions - kicked by big strong man - choked 13x15: A Most Holy Man - handcuffed 13x17: The Thing - shoved into wall - strangled - knocked unconscious - tied down to a table by wrists and ankles 13x18: Bring ‘em Back Alive - shot in the right shoulder - poisoned by bullet (antidote applied by Ketch) 13x19: Funeralia - hit in neck / face not sure which one - punched - cut on left cheek - strangled - elbowed in face - punched in gut - thrown into table - headbutted - thrown around - kneed - cut on left side of forehead - right side as well - cut on nose - bruised and cut knuckles 13x20: Unfinished Business - whipped - super slapped by Loki - punched in gut - punched 13x23: Let the Good Times Roll - windows exploded near him - arm twisted and punched - strangled - cut on bottom lip - elbowed in the face - hard impact onto ground - punched in the gut and face (while Michael possessed him)
Season 14
14x3: The Scar - hit in the face with hilt and base of spear - tackled into wood column - headbutted - kicked in the face - punched - strangled 14x4: Mint Condition - headbutted - thrown into morgue drawers - strangled 14x5: Nightmare Logic - thrown across room - strangled 14x6: Optimism - tackled into bookshelf 14x9: The Spear - elbowed in face - punched in gut - kicked - strangled 14x11: Damaged Goods - hard impact against floor 14x13: Lebanon - either jumped back and hit the wall or he was thrown back by the force of the fire - elbowed in the face x2 - kicked - headbutted - thrown onto counter and hits ground - super backhanded - punched - thrown into shelf with glass cups - strangled - cut on bottom lip 14x14: Ouroboros - backhanded - face slammed into wood pillar two times and knocked unconscious - cut on right temple - not able to breathe - temporarily blind - internal pain 14x20: Moriah - thrown into bookshelf - thrown through gravestone
Season 15
15x1: Back To The Future - thrown against dumpster 15x2: Raising Hell - thrown through shelf 15x5: Proverbs 17:3 - shoved against wall - strangled - thrown back - cut on left cheek - cut on right cheek - cut on left side of torso - cut on either right side of torso or front of right thigh 15x6: Golden Time - thrown across hallway and into wall - internal pain 15x7: Last Call - knocked unconscious - tied to a chair by wrists and ankles - blood being drained from left arm - punched in side - punched - bottle smashed over head - cut on left eyebrow - hit with pool stick 15x8: Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven - cut on left palm (healed by Cas) - punched - kneed - thrown - strangled 15x9: The Trap - knocked unconscious - super backhanded by God 15x10: The Heroes’ Journey - kneed in the groin - headbutted - strangled 15x12: Galaxy Brain - hit on wrists and face with stick - strangled 15x14: Last Holiday - thrown back - hard impact on ground - thrown back into wall 15x16: Drag Me Away (From You) - slammed onto ground and strangled 15x18: Despair - thrown into wall x3 - elbowed in the face - thrown back - pain in heart 15x19: Inherit the Earth - headbutted - thrown into wall - thrown back across beach - internal pain - punched - kicked - broken right arm - broken right leg - two cuts beside left eye - cut on nose - cut on bottom lip - cut above left eye - (all healed by Jack) 15x20: Carry On - slammed to ground - impaled on a piece of broken rebar - DEAD (permanently)
#I'll upload Sam's list tomorrow I'm going to SLEEP#spn#supernatural#spn ref#supernatural ref#Dean Winchester#Dean Winchester ref#blood tw#blood mention#Jensen Ackles#long post
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paint it black Thots
first off, paint it black is a reference to the rolling stones song of the same name which is about death, grief, and sex. the song is about grief suffered by someone who was stunned by the unexpected loss of their partner. wiki says people claim that jagger got inspo from ulysses: "i have to turn my head until my darkness goes." i am pointing direct at the theme of a worldview of desperation and desolation - jagger himself said about it that the character is, “so entrenched in his depression and rage that he has lost all hope.” this is exactly where dean is headed in the last three episodes of the season, and depression & rage is, of course, central to what the mark of cain represents.
so the episode starts in a confession booth with a man being absolved of his sins. keeping in mind cain's whole original sin thing that he believes runs in his bloodline and cannot be forgiven, this loops back in with the comment made later by the spirit that the priest made it his business to forgive when what these men did was unforgivable. there’s something about how dean genuinely thinks that to be forgiven is to give up, to betray the people that he's hurt (he has to stand unchanging as a pillar of salt dedicated to memorializing the past, both in grief and regret). he does think he's unforgivable.
the man who just gave confession takes something from the church, goes outside, and guts himself with it once his sins have been forgiven. the symbol of suicide using an object from the church with the context of dean’s confession later, combined with the way that dean wanted to burn the spirit’s journal that contained all the thoughts that she felt she could tell no one and that no one wanted to here - it does hurt me.
we get more 10.22 foreshadowing with the husband and wife duo in this ep - the wife gets taken over by a malevolent spirit and she kills her husband. she’s horrified afterward and can’t believe what she’s done - cue the mirror scene in 10.23.
and here’s where we get our dean and cas nun parallels. see this post and this post for the cas nun. the dean nun is, of course, the malevolent spirit. every monster of the week can be read as a dean mirror this season. significantly, there are two important scenes that are back to back that link the nun’s journal and dean’s confession. first, the dean nun talking about her journal and saying that she wrote, "things i could say to no one. things no one wanted to hear." we cut directly to the confession scene. it's just, "what if i said i didn't wanna die — yet" he adds on yet like it is a moral failing that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't want to die for the greater good, that just admitting that he doesn't want to die makes him a bad person - makes him unforgivable.
the spirit describes her sorrow turning to rage and because of that she murders her lover - here we get the second batch of 10.22 foreshadowing. no biggie just continuing to use lovers as parallels i’m feeling normal. i am normal.
anyway they decide that what’s keeping her here is her journal, and dean wants them to burn it. she possesses the cas nun and tries to slash dean’s stomach open - “i had to kill the priest for what he did - he made it his business to forgive you - forgive you when what you do is so unforgivable.” number one, once again dean is getting the shit beat out of him by his own parallel. number two, dean opens up about how he wants to experience things differently or maybe even new things and his own parallel is trying to kill him for it, because he thinks it's unforgivable. three, just an observation, that's the same wound mary died with, slashed stomach.
so finally we come to sam. sam is the one who decides not to burn the journal - and dean thanks him for it later. following that sam says, "you know...you were in that confessional a long time. i'm just saying, if you ever need to talk about anything, with anybody, you got somebody right here next to you." contrasted with the spirit’s claim (or fear) of writing, “things no one wants to hear.” people do want to hear it, and you can be forgiven - you can even move forward. and we end on sam driving instead of dean - a little bit of i can’t carry it for you, but i can carry you.
#there's a quote from the spirit in this episode that i'm going to make an insane edit with#and for that reason did not include it in this post#i think this is messy but i truly think about this episode all the time#so now it's all in one place#and yeah i abstracted away a little from who the nun is targeting what can i say s10 is about the shadows on the wall#spn s10#spn 10.16#spn meta#i guess#spn
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it’s mirrors all the way down
My musings on Chuck & Amara / Michael & Lucifer / Cain & Abel / Dean & Sam parallels, made relatively coherent and posted for @boykingsofhell. Cain & Abel isn’t a perfect parallel, because Sam is also Collette, but free will <3
The scene: there are two things in the universe, and they are equal and opposite.
Only one of them can be right.
So, Chuck is the embodiment of creation and light while Amara is the embodiment of destruction and darkness. They are all the other has and they both have very different ideas of how the universe Should be. But only one of them can be right, and Chuck decides that it is him. This makes Amara the transgressor, not because she has actively done wrong, but because she disagrees with him. This is the only criteria required. Amara is also stubborn. He can’t create anything with her in the way. He can create a way for her to not be in the way.
In a universe where death is nothing more than being trapped in a place that is separate from the world, Chuck has technically invented murder.
So, Chuck creates in his image. He creates the archangels, and there are two that are somewhat More Important than the rest. Here’s the first set of mirrors. Michael is Chuck. Lucifer is Amara. Because while Lucifer may be the brightest of them, Michael is obedient and he has been made in his father’s image. This means that he is like his father. Lucifer is rebellious and radiant and stubborn and loves his father and he is Chuck’s favourite, not because he is like Chuck but because he is like Amara.
So Chuck gives Lucifer the lock, and the lock brings out the darkness that was already in him, and Lucifer has a very different idea of how the universe Should be.
So, Adam and Eve leave the garden. They have children, and there are two that are somewhat More Important than the other (sorry, Seth). Here’s the second set of mirrors. Cain is Michael is Chuck. Abel is Lucifer is Amara. While Abel may be Chuck’s favourite, Cain is the firstborn son. He loves his younger brother. He’ll do anything to keep him safe. (He’ll do anything to keep him holy.) Lucifer tricks Abel and Cain makes a deal to save him. There is a potential for sin that is inherent in Abel that is not found in Cain, even when Cain picks up the stone (yes, I know it’s a jawbone in the show).
Making a deal for someone else makes you Righteous. This makes you holy, even in hell. The person you have saved does not feel saved.
So, Chuck orders Michael to fight Lucifer and send him into the cage, and Michael is the obedient son. Michael is an extension of his father’s righteousness, both Michael and the sword, and he will cast his brother out, because he’s been ordered to. Because Lucifer is his father’s favourite, and so he gets Michael to do the dirty work for him. So we have another brother killing their younger sibling, because they must.
That’s three for three.
So, Dean and Sam are the product of hundreds of years of selective breeding. They are not made for themselves. They’re made for someone else. Here’s the third set of mirrors. Dean is Cain is Michael is Chuck. Sam is Abel is Lucifer is Amara. While Sam may be the favourite (this is contested), Dean is the firstborn son. Dean is the reflection of creation and obedience and Sam is the reflection of destruction and rebelliousness. One of them is loyal to the authority. The other is damned.
The Winchesters are Chuck, Michael, and Lucifer. The father cannot kill the youngest son. The youngest son is the father’s favourite. The eldest child must pick up the stone.
Dean and Sam are Cain and Abel. The older brother will do anything to save his younger brother. What is it about sacrifice for someone who never wanted it that makes one righteous? Why does being touched by darkness mean that you must be saved? Who are you being saved from?
Dean and Sam are Michael and Lucifer. The big brother, loyal to an absent father. The little brother, rebellious of daddy’s plan. It was never what you did, it was what you are. It was what you were created to reflect; the Plan and whoever dared oppose it.
Dean and Sam are Chuck and Amara. That's why Dean is the one that Amara prefers - not because he's like her, but because he's like Chuck. Rather than mirrors, they are substitutes.
Only one of them can be right.
Chuck and Michael and Cain and Dean are Righteous, not because they are, but because we are told they are. They are the authority, or the extension of the authority, and they deserve control, because they know how things Should be. The narrative bends itself to prove that their choices are correct. Who they are is inherently righteous. This is what makes them right.
Amara and Lucifer and Abel and Sam are transgressors, not because they do evil things, but because they are in the way. They have different ideas of how things Should be and are stubborn enough to hold onto them. The narrative contradicts itself to make their choices incorrect. Who they are is inherently unholy. This is what makes them wrong.
Despite himself, Dean puts down the stone.
#supernatural#sam Winchester#dean winchester#spn meta#boykingsofhell#spn sam#spn dean#spn#re: that last sentence. literally despite himself!!#sam and dean#samdean#john winchester#supernatural meta#cain#abel#chuck shurley#amara#Michael#lucifer#kael.txt
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Fic: The whirlwind is in the thorn tree
wincest | about 3000 words | R for language and adult themes | characters: sam winchester, dean winchester
synopsis: My first and probably last stab at Wincest. No actual sex, just post-coital angst.
Flowers in the Attic is a cheesy gothic novel featuring four children who are locked in an attic by their scheming mother who hopes to hide their existence; the oldest son and daughter eventually begin an incestuous relationship.
The title is from "The Man Comes Around" by Johnny Cash, which I never heard until recently but am now obsessed with.
. . .
Part 1: Dean
It doesn't start with romance or lust. It doesn't start with that little flash of bare skin visible above his jeans when he raises his arms (it makes you crazy and you don't know why; you see him shirtless all the time but for some reason that little strip of skin that isn't meant to be showing just brings you to your knees). It doesn't start with you staring at that perfectly sculpted spot at the base of his throat and finally setting your mouth to it and marking him up the way you've dreamt about for years (you've bruised him when you were sparring, and you've battered him in anger, but you've never left a mark for the purpose of saying hands off, he's mine and oh, what you would do just for the chance). It doesn't start with you too drunk to keep holding it all in and Sam too drunk to say no (you would never, you would never).
It starts with terror. Pure balls-to-the-wall terror that you're about to lose him. A horribly fucked-up hunt where you almost die, but more importantly, you almost watch Sam die, and you stumble into your motel room, both still out of breath, still not quite sure what happened out there, and you're checking him for injuries and every breath is a silent mantra, I almost lost you, I almost lost you, and nothing is enough, you want to crawl under his skin, you want to open him up and cradle his heart in your hands to make sure it's still beating, you're holding him tighter and tighter and he's clutching you just as tight, looking into your soul with those big wet eyes and saying “Dean, Dean," like your name itself is a prayer, a request. A plea. Whatever he is pleading for, you will give it to him. And it turns out the only thing he wants is all of you.
Which is convenient. Because the only thing you want is all of him.
. . .
But then comes After, and you have to face what you've done.
When you wake up (his arm is still flung over you, it's so wrong, it's so wrong), you quietly crawl out of bed and hurry into the shower. There is no water hot enough to scrub you clean, no soap strong enough to wash away your sins (watch out for your brother, it's your most important job). When you give up and turn off the water, you realize you didn't bring any clothes to change into, and you sure as hell weren't wearing any when you fled into the bathroom. There's nothing you can do but wrap a towel around your waist and hope he's still asleep.
He's not. He's sitting up in the bed you shared. His hair is a tousled mess, a silky brown cloud, and your fingers twitch with the craving to be tangled in it again. He doesn't look disgusted, or repulsed. He looks… hopeful. Like he hasn't caught on yet that you are a monster.
(He will be the death of you.)
(He is your reason for living.)
You sit on the other bed and try not to stare at that hickey that you finally managed to put at the base of his throat. (There are other marks. Don't look at them either.)
He speaks first. "Look, I know this is some crazy Flowers in the Attic kind of shit—"
"Oh, this is so much worse than Flowers in the Attic."
"Why?" His brow furrows. "Because it's gay?"
Which stops you in your tracks, because of course that's not the problem. But also because you haven't even thought of this as gay. It's not that you're interested in guys. You're not thinking about random guys when you jack off in the shower, or when you can't fall asleep, or when your life sucks and your heart hurts and you need an escape. It's not guys. It's not anyone else. You've chased a lot of tail over the years, trying to convince yourself otherwise, but it's just Sam. Only, always and forever, Sam.
But now he's looking at you like you're some kind of monster, like being a homophobe is somehow worse than being a sick bastard who wants to fuck his little brother. So you quickly say "No, dammit, you know that's not it."
"Then what? Why is it worse?"
And it's not fair that Sam is both your victim and the priest who will hear your confession; it's not fair that you're going to have to say the thing that will make him hate you, make him walk away from you again, but, well. Life stopped being fair when you were four years old. He would have figured it out anyway. He's too damn smart not to eventually realize whose fault it all is.
"It's worse because I raised you, Sam. I did this to you. I made you want this."
"What?" Sam's voice goes up an octave, incredulous. "You're saying you groomed me?"
"Not on purpose! But yeah, subconsciously, I must have done something! I must have screwed you up somehow. Otherwise, you wouldn't… there's no way you would have…"
"Slept with my brother? So there's no way I would have wanted to have sex with my brother unless someone snuck into my brain and planted the idea there? Someone must have made me want it? Is that what happened?"
Oh, Jesus, Sam just needs to stop talking, because he's making it worse. Yes, obviously you planted that idea in his sweet, trusting little head. Who knows when or where or how, but obviously you did that. Obviously you took him, the brother you were supposed to watch out for, you took his innocent love for you and twisted it into something awful and self-serving.
But he's not looking at you like he just realized what a monster you are, like he finally saw the darkness you've managed to hide all this time. He's smiling.
"You're an idiot," he says. "But okay, let's say you're right. Let's say the only reason I would want to have sex with my brother is because someone raised me wrong. Someone screwed with my head when I was little and made me want this. Then who did it to you?"
No, wait. That's not. You stare at him, mute.
"If you raised me to want this," he continues, "who did it to you? Dad? Is that what was going on, all those times you guys went off on a hunt and left me at a hotel? Dad spent the whole time convincing you that at some point you were going to have to throw me on the bed and have your way with me?"
"Dammit, Sam, that's not funny."
"I'm not trying to be funny, Dean. I'm just trying to show you how ridiculous it is to blame yourself. No one made you want it, and no one made me want it. It's just a product of our fucked-up lives. There are no victims here."
Is that possible? You want (so much, so much) to believe it. But even if he's not your victim, he still has to see how wrong it is. You've ripped your heart wide open and he's staring right at its dark, festering core. Surely he sees that.
"It may be a victimless kind of fucked up," you say cautiously, afraid to break whatever spell has been cast. "But it's still pretty fucked up."
"I'm not saying it's normal," he says. "You and me, this is definitely not normal. But we left normal behind a long time ago. We were never gonna have that. And this is something we do get to have."
Oh, okay. Sam can't have normal, so he's settling for Dean Winchester, the world's shittiest consolation prize. Well, that's the only part of this that makes sense. And you're not too proud to accept that role. You look at the carpet (you can't look at him) and nod. He will leave you again someday, when he does find normal, but for now? This is enough. This is still more than you ever thought you'd have. More than you deserve.
Sam throws back the covers. He is still very, very naked. Bruised from the hunt, and bruised from what happened after the hunt. (And so goddamn beautiful. He doesn't even know.) He gets out of bed and sits next to you. Not touching, but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiating off him. When you do finally force yourself to look at him, he smiles at you again, that fond smile that stabs you right through the heart. You would give anything to have him sitting next to you, smiling that smile at you, for the rest of your life.
"You know," he says, "all those years I spent chasing normal, it was because I didn't think I could have what I really wanted. This, Dean. You and me. This is what I want. I wouldn't trade it for normal. I wouldn't trade it for anything."
If that's true. Oh God, if that's true.
"So," he continues, "maybe we just appreciate it. Maybe we hold onto it. I mean. Only if you want to."
Only if you want to. Like there's anything you want more. Sam is offering you all you've ever wanted, and all you have to do is reach out and take it.
You've lost the ability to speak, but whatever words you came up with would surely fuck it all up anyway. You take his hand and entwine his fingers in your own. He squeezes. You squeeze back. It's just one more in an endless history of wordless conversations, but it's the most important one you've ever had. You both sit there quietly for a minute, and you are very aware that you are wrapped in a towel and he is naked and you're holding hands and… it's not weird. It's okay. It's better than okay.
"You know," he says, "the most disturbing thing about all of this is that you just admitted you read Flowers in the Attic."
You have to clear your throat before you can answer. "It was a book? I saw the movie on TV once, when I couldn't sleep."
It's a lie. He knows it's a lie. He was there with you, that awful winter in Nebraska, when Dad dumped you at that weird old house for a couple of weeks and the only thing to do was pick through the pile of ragged paperbacks some teenage girl left behind. He knows you read it. He doesn't know you got to the incest scene and tossed the book away, no, no, I would never do that to him. I would never. He doesn't know you picked it up again, later, hoping it had a happy ending.
He knows you're a liar. He knows you're twisted and wrong. He loves you anyway. And maybe you don't deserve it, but you'll take it anyway, and hold onto it for as long as you can.
Part 2: Sam
Something about almost losing Dean puts everything into perspective. And yes, you almost died too, but it's hard to see your own death as comparable. Dean's near-death is what matters, the thing that paints everything in stark black and white.
There's no time to talk, no time to wonder, no time to check each other for injuries and try to figure out how you escaped this time. He shoves you into the Impala and speeds away from the scene, and you stare at his (beautiful) profile and think I can't do this any more, I can't die and not tell you how I feel, I can't let you die without knowing what you mean to me, I can't do it, I won't.
But it's not the first time you've told yourself that, or the second or third. And you know you'll fail, in the end, as you always have. Except. Except that when you finally make it into the room you're both still a little panicky, still having a hard time catching your breath, hearts pounding, and he says are you hurt, are you hurt as he paws at you, and then holds you tight and won't let go (you don't want him to, oh God you don't want him to) and you grab him, hold him just as tight and this is it, this is the moment, use your words, dammit, but all you can do is keep repeating his name like an idiot and you finally just kiss him and it turns out neither of you needs words after all.
. . .
Dean's hasty exit wakes you, and your heart leaps panicky into your throat for a minute. You fucked it up, he's running; all those years you held your feelings in check and now you've fucked it up and he's running. But he simply rushes into the bathroom and turns on the shower. He showers for a long time, which gives you time to think about what to say. Because you know he's going to be freaked out. You know he's going to say this is wrong, this is bad, we can't do this again. But there is no going back now; you can only go forward. You salted and burned just brothers last night. The only option now is brothers plus whatever this is. You'll have to make your way through whatever objections he has.
When he finally comes back into the room, every speck of his normal bravado is gone. He looks frightened and guilty (and beautiful, so damn beautiful, with the morning sun peeping through the flimsy curtains highlighting him in gold, picking out each eyelash as if God himself were directing it) and your heart melts like it always does. You are so fucked.
He clutches the towel wrapped around his hips tightly, and you're pretty sure the only reason he hasn't already put three layers of clothing between you and him is because in his hurry to get into the the shower he didn't take time to grab his armor. So, yeah. He's freaked out. It's okay. You'll talk him down (there is no choice, there is no other option) and it will be okay.
But it turns out you are not at all prepared for what his real objection is. Not at all.
You could tell him the truth. Yes, you made me want you. Just by being you. By being beautiful and brave and smart and funny and strong and exasperating. You made me love you in a way you are not supposed to love a brother, just by being you.
Or another truth is this. You think you were grooming me? When I was thirteen? When I was a gangly, clumsy, morose little barely-a-teenager? Because that's when it started, Dean. It wasn't anything you did. You weren't grooming me, you were busy chasing anything in a skirt. I had just turned thirteen years old and all I wanted was you.
But there is another very important truth, which is that you're both kind of irreparably fucked up. And this is possibly a silver lining to that. The fact that you're fucked up the same way, together.
"I'm not saying it's normal," you tell him. “You and me, this is definitely not normal. But we left normal behind a long time ago. We were never gonna have that. And this is something we do get to have." He has to see that, right? He has to understand that you two cannot measure yourselves by other peoples' yardsticks.
His reaction is to withdraw a little bit. Does he not believe you? Can he not tell, even now, that you love him so much it burns? You have no choice. There is no going back. You get out of bed and sit next to him. "You know, all those years I spent chasing normal, it was because I didn't think I could have what I really wanted. This, Dean. You and me. This is what I want. I wouldn't trade it for normal. I wouldn't trade it for anything. So, maybe we just appreciate it. Maybe we hold onto it. I mean. Only if you want to."
You gave him an out. You pray he doesn't take it. He doesn't. Thank God (or no, probably not God), he doesn't. You sit next to him, naked as the day you were born, and he doesn't flinch, doesn't lean away, doesn't say no, Sam, this is weird, this is bad, this is wrong. He just looks up at you like he's dumbfounded, but in a good way. And then he takes your hand. He's clasped your hand thousands of times, shepherding you across busy streets as a child, hauling you out of freshly dug graves as an adult. But this is the first time he's actually held your hand, and it feels like something greater; like a vow.
You need to change the subject pretty quickly, before you make a goddamn fool of yourself.
"You know, the most disturbing thing about all of this is that you just admitted you read Flowers in the Attic."
Dean's voice is hoarse. "It was a book? I saw the movie on TV once, when I couldn't sleep."
It's a lie. You know it's a lie. You made sure he saw you reading it, and you watched him pick it up after you were done. You had a thousand imaginary conversations where he said what did you think about that book and you said siblings locked in an attic for years, all they had was each other, it makes sense that their relationship would transform into something else, it wasn't hurting anybody, and after all, incest is only taboo because of the risk of birth defects, and many civilizations actually encouraged marriage between siblings, it's not really a big deal, and he said exactly, especially in a situation like that where they're literally in their own little world, and I've been thinking, and then and then and then.
None of that happened. What happened was he turned 18 and then 19 and then 20 and grew more and more maddeningly insane and reckless and beautiful and you realized that either he was going to die, or he was going to keep breathing but remain forever out of your reach, and either way you couldn't live like this any more.
But now he's sitting on the bed next to you, almost as naked as you are, holding your hand.
"You want to get some breakfast?" he says.
"I would love some breakfast. Let me shower first."
He gently swats you on the back of the head. "Go on then, Princess. Wash your pretty pretty hair."
The knot of fear that's been squirming in your stomach since you woke up quietly unclenches. And for the first time in a very long time, you think everything might be okay after all.
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no tenderness director's commentary, requested by @girlkingsam. under a cut for all the warnings that were on the fic itself (violence and discussion of rape mostly). go wild y'all
It starts with a couple beers in the bunker. Dean and Cas have already gone to bed, Rowena is almost certainly lurking somewhere among the artifacts, and Jack has been put down for the night.
Gabriel and Sam are left in the library, halfheartedly thumbing through research that isn’t going anywhere. Certainly it can wait until the morning.
*waves hand* There’s a Plot going on somewhere in the background. Don’t think too hard about it.
Gabriel looks up and catches her eye.
“Look, Sam, in the Cage—”
She stops him with a wince and a shake of her head.
“Just, don’t.”
He nods.
A few more minutes pass before Sam slowly closes the book and leans back, meeting his eyes.
“So.” She feels her heart racing. Even after everything, it still feels like such a sin, like this is what will bring the divine fire. “You got any plans for the rest of the evening?”
This is integrated into teen mom AU so like this version of Sam very much did not have sex until marriage. And then all of the events of Supernatural happened and turns out maybe that one wasn’t such a big deal after all but the gut feeling is totally still there.
Gabriel looks confused for a second but then smiles slowly, leaning forward. “I can think of a couple options.”
I had in my outline notes: Gabriel tries to bring up Lucifer and Sam distracts him with sex. That is very much the dynamic that is going on here.
She swallows the instinctive rush of fear and takes another swig of beer. Keeps her voice steady, calm and husky.
“Why don’t we take this to my room, then.”
The fear is one of the little phrases I’m quite happy with in terms of the context above. First of all, I think Sam is still afraid of sex full stop. But also Gabriel is an archangel and Lucifer’s brother. This should actually be a scary situation for her even if she’s initiating it.
She stands up and Gabriel follows the motion. Leads her down the hall with a hand on her back.
When they reach her room, Gabriel spins her lightly and backs her into the bedroom, kicks the door shut behind him. She pushes him back against the door, kissing him for the first time. She has to crane her neck down to reach him, but it’s remarkably human. No spark of grace in her mouth, just flesh and spit. She runs her tongue against his bottom lip, thinking of the stitches that were there not too long ago.
She might be a woman but she’s still taller than Gabriel. Nonnegotiable. Also whenever she makes an observation about Gabriel there’s an unspoken comparison, of course.
Gabriel grabs her thigh and uses the leverage to pin her against the door instead, dipping his head to bite at her neck. She hisses, lets her head fall back. With hands on her hips and waist, he turns her around to face the door, mouthing at her shoulder as his hands dig in almost painfully at her hips. She braces herself against the door and leans into his touch, seeking the sensation. An idea forms. A way to make sure they’re truly alone.
It was also important to me that she’s not the only one bringing any violence whatsoever into the bedroom, even if she takes his love bite and immediately raises him murder.
“Kill me.”
“I—what?” His hands still.
“Not permanently. I just want to make sure that I’m out, you know. That he won’t bring me back, that he’s not watching.”
This of course is a moment from one of the posts that inspired this all. “oh sam asks gabe to kill him and then bring him back. just to test it out and see if lucifer will let him die or is secretly out there waiting to drag him back to life”
“And you want me to bring you back instead.”
“Well, yeah, that’s the point.” She turns her head, looking back at him. “Five minutes. You can do whatever you want in the meantime.” She presses herself back against him to communicate the point.
Gabe laughs. “I’m not a necrophiliac.”
“You sound so certain. So you’ve tried it, then?”
“You’ve been alive as long as I have, you’ve tried a lot of things.” He looks at her. “I saw the first death, you know.”
“And you’ll see mine, too.” Gabriel’s hands have loosened, so she turns around in his grip to face him. She guides Gabriel’s hand to her neck, leans into it. “Do it.”
He doesn’t look convinced, but he wraps both hands around her neck anyway.
There was a choice between regular smiting and an uncomfortably sexual death, but the latter seemed necessary given that this is all literally happening in the middle of a hookup.
It’s relatively quick and easy, as easy as death can be. Sam’s been choked out before—he’s definitely taking away some of the pain, the fear and panic. There’s only so much that he can do, though. She tells herself not to fight it, but that’s easier said than done, and she’s gouging at his arms before she goes limp.
When she comes to, she’s laid out on the bed. She gasps involuntarily, clawing her way upright. Where is—right. Okay. Here she is.
Gabe is watching her with tight eyes. She composes herself and smiles wolfishly.
There was the question of how into any of this Gabe would actually be, versus like weirded out and confused. I was expecting more of the former going into this, but it wasn’t happening that way. Because he’s pathetic and cowardly but he’s not actually sadistic per se. So he’s not going to stop this especially if he thinks this is what Sam needs but like, it’s not where he would have gone with it.
“So it worked. We’re really alone then, no hidden cameras. You gonna join me?” She pats the bed next to her.
He walks over and sits on the bed between her legs, tearing off his shirt. She runs her hand up his torso, feeling the heat of the skin. He leans over her, pushing her back down onto the bed. She goes easily, sighing.
He slides a hand up her shirt and she presses into it, raising her leg alongside his torso.
“Come on, I know you got more than that.”
He snaps his fingers and silk ties appear in his hands. She reaches out to touch them.
“No, rope instead.”
The silk changes to heavy fraying rope. He looks at her uncertainly.
Because like, Gabe actively avoids pain and discomfort, that’s his whole thing. But because of the whole situation, Sam has to be the one stepping on the gas.
“Isn’t this going to hurt?”
She stares at him like he’s an idiot. “Well, yes, that’s sort of the point.”
He looks at her for a second. She unbuttons her shirt, slides it off her shoulders, and he shrugs. The ropes appear at her wrists, binding them tightly above her head.
LOL I definitely forgot a sentence here. I’ll fix that late but the context I’m missing is that he tied her hands before taking off her bra.
“You’re an angel, just fucking cut it off. We’ll deal with it later.”
A snap and a knife appears in his hands. He cuts the bra loose, nicking her in the process. Blood wells up in the center of her chest. He dips his head and licks it up, then moves to lick at her nipple.
Sam laughs, wriggling under the movement.
“Not sexy, man, I just stopped breastfeeding like 3 months ago. Nipples are a no go right now.”
Gabe laughs, sits back.
“The tradeoffs of getting a hot MILF in your bed, I guess.”
Oh I do not like the word MILF actually like it’s so porny. Like older ladies are hot we don’t need to be weird about it. But Gabe is a creepy porn man so I had to have him say it. Also I was not planning on making this have like, a postpartum moment. But he was licking her nipples and it just didn’t seem right to let that go without saying something.
He moves down her stomach instead, flicking open her jeans.
This is the exact moment where I almost gave up. Keep your jeans on!!! And that is why we get our first timeskip over the action.
After he eats her out he releases the restraints. The ligature marks are red along her wrists, and he runs his fingers along them.
She kisses him again, tasting the salt and acid of herself in his mouth. He palms at her breast and she moans into his mouth. He returns in kind. She climbs entirely out of her jeans and underwear, and he unbuttons his own.
Oh this is super unclear huh. The implication is that her jeans/underwear were pushed down for easy access and then she removes them entirely afterwards. I’ll go back and edit that later.
She pushes him down, holding him down by the throat, and straddles his waist. He removes his pants eagerly.
“We don’t need a condom, right? You’ve got that under control?”
“I’ve had a vasectomy, both literal and metaphysical. And angels can’t get syphilis. We’re good.”
I just thought that was funny. Also condoms aren’t sexy but she’s not reckless enough to just not mention it at all.
She nods, and takes him into her hand. He bucks up into the touch, and she grins. She eases him inside of her, gasping at the sensation before she starts moving.
A few thrusts later and Gabe takes control again, wrapping hands around her waist and knocking her back on the bed.
He flips her over, twisting her arm behind her back. It pops loose from the socket with a sickening noise and she screams, more from the shock than anything.
Another part from the posts! It was a little bit of a challenge to integrate this one in, but it had to happen during the act itself. I’m not entirely sure that the escalation is earned, but Gabe was having a harder time really getting into the violence than I had anticipated so this was a necessary way of forcing his hand. Plus you know the Winchesters have had every joint dislocated in their time so it’s not too much of a stretch that this could accidentally happen.
Gabriel is immediately off of her, putting his hand on her shoulder, ready to heal. She shrugs him off. The motion sends sharp pains all down her arm and collarbone.
“Not yet,” she pants. “Not until we’re finished.”
“As in…”
“Happy ending and all.”
She shoves back with the captive shoulder, shakes him easily. Pushes him back onto the bed, climbs back on top to straddle him.
“You soundproofed this room, right? We can be as loud as we want without Dean barging in?”
He strokes her hips, looking up at her.
“I mean, yeah, but that wasn’t exactly the type of noises I had in mind.”
She shrugs. There’s something like concern in his eyes. It pisses her off. He doesn’t have the right to pity her.
Another one of my favorite little moments. This sentiment is why this encounter is even happening at all!
“You can’t tell me you’ve never experimented.”
There’s a pause, then--
“What did he do to you?”
One thing I really enjoyed about writing this is that Lucifer’s name is never mentioned but any time any of them say “he” they both know exactly who they’re talking about, no context needed.
She rolls her hips. Gabriel moans at the movement.
“What do you think? I’m sure you were imagining it, after you faked your death again. What do you think he did to me? Tell me.”
Gabriel’s voice is thin.
“He tortured you, didn’t he. I saw what he did with the woman, the demon. The first one, Lilith. How he made her.”
“And what did he do to her?” Sam’s breath is coming harder now.
I’m so sorry for making this conversation happen literally between like pants and moans, like genuinely sorry, but it’s what the scene demanded.
“He turned her inside out.” Gabriel pants. “That was his favorite. He would cut into her skin and pull it off.”
A classy amount of flaying!!!
Sam taps her sternum, where a speck of blood still remains. “This is where it would start, the vivisection. He would peel my skin off, or crack my ribs and then have me eat my own heart. He would put his hands inside of me, inside of my ribcage, trace the sigils that Castiel put there. Scrape them off with his teeth.”
I’m happy with that little detail, too. I’ve never seen the sigils referenced in any cage fics but it just came to me while I was writing the sentence and yeah he would totally do that. You thought you could hide from me? Etc.
Sam breaks off, breathing heavily. She leans forward onto Gabe’s chest. He strokes a hand across her back softly, looking horrified but hanging onto every word.
He both like really wants to hear this and really doesn’t you know which like. Again is the dynamic that is the reason any of this is happening.
“The torture wasn’t all. He’d fuck me, too. Get inside of me a different way, like you are now. Make me ask for it, beg for it.”
She punctuates each word with a roll of her hips, increasing the pace. Gabriel tenses underneath her, and she can feel him come inside of her. There are tears in his eyes.
Sorry!! This is another one of my posts although I cannot find it to cite it. But Sam tells Gabe about the Cage during sex and he cries. So.
She relaxes, pats his stomach in some sort of halfhearted apology.
He deserved to hear it.
Just like, his coming back makes the previous seasons a betrayal in retrospect. Like where the hell were you, you know? She deserves to be super angry at him about that.
He flips her over, and she hisses in pain and pleasure both.
“Asmodeus preferred beating. It only took me a year to crack under the torture. I wasn’t used to pain. Hadn’t experienced any in millennia. I was soft.”
I had to go onto the wiki page for Asmodeus and look at the pictures of Gabriel and just kind of feel out what vibes I got of what Asmodeus would do to him and the vibe I got was a lot of punching and kicking. If I’m off don’t tell me.
Sam looks up at him through her lashes.
“Do you want to learn? How to take it?”
Fucked up little moment. Seductively asking if someone wants you to torture them.
Gabriel nods.
“Okay, then.” She strokes the side of his face, down to his chest.
“I’m going to open up your chest, okay? You’re gonna be fine. I’ve got you, I’ll walk you through it.”
He nods again. “Okay.”
This is like. I thought the violence would happen more during the sex and some of it did but Gabe wasn’t really getting into it so I had to improvise. I like this better though, it feels more in character.
She takes the knife back from him and starts. Teaches him how to breath, when it’s helpful to scream and when it’s best to just stay silent. To learn what your own limit is. You don’t have to be scared as long as the person with the knife isn’t going past that. You can relax.
And the fact that like they both are thinking of this as a favor that she’s doing for him.
When they’re done, Gabriel is clammy and sweating. He dry heaves over the side of the bed, but there’s no actual food in his stomach so nothing comes up. Sam strokes his back.
He sits back up.
“Thank you. And I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have the right to apologize to me,” she says tightly. He nods.
He nods a LOT in this fic but sometimes you’re just nervous about putting your foot in your mouth you know. Because so much has to be left unsaid.
She breathes.
“There you go. You feel alive now, don’t you.”
She slides off bed, kneels between his legs.
“May I?”
This BJ was thematically important to include because I needed the torture to be in the middle of sex, not after. And I needed some element of like, aftercare without it actually being personal, comforting, or helpful.
When she’s done, Gabriel heals her shoulder. He knits the skin back together, cleans up the blood, removes the bruising from her neck. She asks him to leave the bruises that would be covered by her shirt anyway.
Also she does all of this with an actively dislocated shoulder. Do not forget.
When they’re lying in bed, afterwards, he snaps and a pack of cigarettes appears in his hand. Unfiltered, the old kind. He hands one to her.
“Cigarette after sex?”
She laughs, takes the cigarette from him.
“You’ll remove it from my body, right? It won’t affect Jack, no secondhand smoke or anything?”
“It would take a lot more than a single cigarette to do shit to Jack, you know. But yes. I’ll take care of it.”
I just think that after all that Sam worrying about the effect of secondhand smoke from one single cigarette on her magical devil baby is very in character. This came to me on a walk one night and was actually the moment where I was like oh. I gotta write this.
They smoke in silence, staring at the wall, unwilling to meet each other’s eye.
It’s gotta end badly. It’s gotta. They never sleep together again and they have wrecked any possible chance at friendship, and both made themselves feel worse. That’s what it’s about, baby.
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