#like I was tricking myself into thinking that that was the ideal life for me so obviously I should be happy right?

[loganthrives]

I guess I was head over heels for freaking Diavolo and Belphegor from Obey me and Zen and Saeran from Mystic Messenger for a while, but each of them lasted maybe, 2-3 years at most?

Diavolo because he was charming, kind, and fucking beautiful to look at. He also gets up to a playful chaos that I can appreciate, but also seems to need a presence that can help him temper it before things get too out of hand.

Belphegor because I wanted to give him the redemption I felt he deserved. His actions were his fault, but the not knowing that led to them was not his fault. I wanted to save him as soon as I met him, even though I knew it would hurt me to do so. I wanted to take him out of there and protect him (I go yandere for the yanderes the most I think lol).

Zen was handsome, flirty, and charming right from the start, and also kind of a mess as a person? lol. But he was so happy to have company when I visited and wanted to be a house husband just for me, and I was like 'okay yeah shit I'm down', lmao. He would probably not be my type otherwise.

Saeran, like Belphegor, I met and knew that I wanted to save him right away. I was heartbroken when they released Another Story initially and I couldn't, and very grateful when they added his route later. Even when he 'hurts' you, its like he's acting out to compensate for his own internal struggles.

I guess I could add Sans and Gaster from Undertale to this list, but I had to invent my own versions of them to suit my needs at that time. I don't know if that qualifies as love exactly.

I think I still have feelings for all of them, but I wouldn't call it love. They've faded to the background as I've moved on to other things. The toughest part about being demisexual is that I need my emotions to be returned to me, and its pretty fucking hard to get that from fictional boys on a screen. Unless I'm actively writing fanfic about them to sort of extend those feelings by proxy, they're just small doses of romantic gratification, I guess? In absence of getting it anywhere else (fucking why am I still single I would like to kiss soft boys pls).

I'm currently writing an FFXIV fic with my WoL (basically a self-insert but an extension of me or part of me that is further removed from the real me than most of my self-insert 'reader' characters), but the two boys I'm having my softboy pursue in it are less love love and more like mad crushing. Like, they are both just very squishable, snuggleable boys, that I would like to hold and dote on and take care of and sit in a quiet place with reading together and share meals with, and to maybe kiss and tease and flirt with a lil bit, but that's about where it ends? I would like to house these boys and look after them and protect them, and I would only ask for their time attention and affection in return. That's all I really want out of any romantic relationship these days ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

a special shout-out for selfshippers who have been loving their f/o(s) for years !! 🤍

you guys are truly one of the best kinds of people out there! your dedication and your overwhelming love for them are very admirable and inspiring.

loving someone so deeply that you stayed with them for years and still madly in love with each other through thick and thin. ♡

how long have you been in love with your f/o? tell us your story! (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

rbs encouraged!! ♡♡

[seventh-district]

CW: mention of death and health issues (but it’s in a relatively positive light, for once!)

[cumikering]

F1 John Price x reader 4

2.8k | fluff, mentions of cheating John Price and the 50 billion other Johns of the UK (part 1) (part 5)

The bed shifted. A rustle, a thud. Distant whispers.

“… Yeah, sorry, John’s here now… Yeah? Okay, see you, love.”

John looked up with a soft groan when the door cracked open. “Sweetheart?” he croaked.

He squinted in the late morning sun, but he didn’t miss how wonderful you looked in his shirt, all soft skin and a radiant face as you climbed back into the comfort of his arms.

 “Sorry for waking you.” You kissed his cheek. “Harley wants to meet for lunch instead. That fine? We’ve got nothing planned, have we?”

“Of course, but I thought it was supposed to be dinner. Is she alright?”

“Yeah, her tattoo appointment got pushed back so she figured we should meet before.”

He remembered the photos you showed him, of your good friend from school with the pink hair and an array of colourful tattoos. You said she made the best cupcakes.

“And she just told me- I guess it’s a little silly.” You pulled a face. “But we were huge fans of this singer back in the day, and he just got exposed for cheating on his wife. I know it’s none of our business, but it’s just really sad to see. People are saying if a supermodel gets cheated on, us regular women stand no chance.”

He hummed. “You believe that?”

“No, it just depends if you’re faithful or not, but all cheaters are liars. And it doesn’t help that powerful people always have options lined up, but that’s just something you avoid, right?”

His body tensed. “W- what do you mean?”

“Just don’t be with someone who’s famous or away a lot. I mean… This is probably my insecurities talking, but it’s not for me.”

“There are plenty who are just as happy despite the distance.”

“That’s true.” You paused. “I didn’t tell you, but there was this bloke a while ago, had always been upfront about how difficult it could get with his job. I thought I could handle it. He didn’t hurt me or anything, but I don’t think I want to put myself in that situation again,” you said wistfully. “Dating celebrities must be even worse. On top of that, losing your privacy, being compared and criticised endlessly…”

“No, but do you really think it won’t work out?” He sat up, gripping your shoulders. “They’re just normal people behind all the drama, probably don’t even want any of it. Don’t you think they deserve a fair chance?”

“Why are you so riled up, John? Are you famous?” you teased. “You surely are handsome enough to be a model.”

He lay back down, avoiding your gaze as heat crept up his neck.

What the bloody fuck just happened? He was supposed to tell you everything, arrange a meet with his mates and maybe have you stay the night at his, but the very first conversation you had for the day turned out to be an atomic bomb.

“Well, you’re up now. I know it’s closer to lunch, but I’m still making you pancakes. I need you to try the blueberry jam I got you.” You kissed his forehead before making your way out the door.

A lump formed in his throat. Fuck, he was being a hypocrite. He hated that life and there he was trying to drag you into it too.

What had started as him trying to be cautious, innocently laying low had escalated into something else. This was going to look horrible, like he tricked you, especially after last night - it had meant the world to him. But it was never his intention to fool you.

The tide had turned in the blink of an eye. This had been his life for many years, but why the fuck didn’t it occur to him that being with him wasn’t ideal for most people? That no one dreamt of being with someone who was barely home, that this could very well be deal-breaker? If he had been waiting to trust you and let you in, now he was in danger of being left entirely.

“John, you okay?” you asked at the table.

He looked up from his plate and forced a smile. He wanted to throw up. Your pancakes were wonderful as always, but he could barely stomach them with these thoughts running through his head.

“I’m sorry, did you want to do something today?” You placed your fork down. “I should have asked you before saying yes to Harley.”

“No, no. It’s not that. I’m just… Thinking, is all.” He reached across the table for your hand. “I can drop you off if you want?”

But all was not lost. Telling you now would only make the situation appear more disheartening than it was. He just had to prove to you that a relationship with him - no, he would be different. When he eased back into the season in a few weeks time, you wouldn’t even feel anything had changed – he’d make sure to show you the distance was nothing to worry about. He’d tell you then, and you’d be far less apprehensive.

Yeah, he could do that. If three weeks apart for Christmas was not a problem, being apart 4-5 days, twice a month would be a child’s play.

You agreed to him driving you to Harley’s, but even then he white-knuckled the steering wheel and barely spoke a word.

“John, did I do something?” You turned to him when he pulled up.

“No- sorry I’ve been distracted.” He chuckled sheepishly.

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me, yeah?”

“Yes, I promise.” He pressed your hand to his lips.

You have him a small smile before you exited his car, hesitation in your eyes.

The little voice in his head knew he was stretching his façade. It was selfish, perhaps devious - he didn’t want to admit, that he still kept you in the dark even after you expressed your aversion. He had no excuse, but he wasn’t about to let this end, not before he tried his absolute best.

You wouldn’t be mad, would you? His heart was in the right place - he just wanted to save you the heartache. How he was going to make this work was his burden to carry. He just needed you to sit back and be patient with him while he figured things out.

Let me know if you want me to pick you up. Enjoy lunch x

The cold of winter mellowed as February inched closer to March. John had been counting down the days to the start of the season. He’d missed the ecstasy of speed and the itch to get behind the wheel only seemed to worsen.

He started ordering cookies for his team again weekly. He would take any excuse to see you one extra time, especially when you’d send him off with an off-menu drink and a kiss in front of his car.

What he severely underestimated though, was how cramped his schedule was going to be in preparation for the season with never-ending meetings, tests and interviews. He still made time to see you of course, but more often than not he’d be late to pick you up with impromptu events getting in his way.

That night was one of those times again.

“John, you know you can tell me if you can’t make it, yeah?” you said as you locked up your shop. “I really don’t mind going home on my own.”

“No, I want to, really.” He gave your hand a squeeze. “It’s just work has been ultra busy.”

You smiled. “Should I just come to yours this Friday? Let me return the favour.”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, love. Like I said, I don’t mind the drive.”

You’d been asking more often, and John was only a few more questions away from breaking entirely. He couldn’t keep doing this to you. The lump in this throat was palpable each time your smile flickered when he gave you yet another excuse to not visit.

Despite the delay, John took you out for dinner at the place you’d wanted to try. You enjoyed yourself regardless, even that it was too late to catch a film after like he’d promised. Instead, you shared an ice cream and strolled along the streets among the thinning crowd.

At the end of the night, as he held the door open as you slipped into his GTI, someone yelled out his name. He turned to the source of the voice, and it was then the consecutive camera flashes stunned him. He quickly shut your door, jumped to his seat and drove away.

“Did someone call out for you?”

“To be fair, half of the men in the UK are called John.” He shrugged, making you chuckle.

With the thick beard, cap and face mask, the chances of paparazzi recognising him were slim to none, but there he was. The man had been a few metres behind the car - he must have only caught John’s side and your back. Regardless, he prayed the photos were shit enough to not make it online, let alone to anyone who might recognise you, and therefore him.

He swallowed and peered at you. “Love, I’m, uh… Heading to Bahrain for work next Wednesday.”

“Oh, how long?”

“I’ll be back Monday.”

“Okay.” You patted his thigh with a smile. “If you need anything for the trip, let me know if I can help.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. At least that went fine.

John held off shaving until the very last night before he left London for pre-season testing on the last weekend of February. It was always bittersweet to erase the months of effort, but this time it symbolised more than the beginning of the season.

Things weren’t going to be as easy with his schedule back in full swing, but he was confident. Everything would be alright and he’d be able to come clean in no time at all.

John called you at the end of each night, to make up for barely responding during the day. You’d tell him about your day, send him pictures of your meals and the new cookie flavours you tried baking at the shop.

On Sunday, you had JP with you at breakfast. ‘He asked for pancakes,’ you said. You served him a stack of tiny pancakes topped with a singular blueberry on an upside down teacup with a shot of milk on the side. He’d grinned at the photo, but most of all, he wanted to cry at how precious you were.

See, distance was not a problem for you and him – everything was fine. So on Monday night at your dining table, what you said caught him off guard.

“John- I just,” you began, moving your food mindlessly with your fork. “I don’t want to be clingy or demanding, but it’s been over three months. I don’t know where you live, I’ve never met any of your friends.” Your eyes met his. “Tell me I’m not unreasonable for wanting to know.”

“You’re not unreasonable at all.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, love. It’s not that I don’t want to, but for now I’m uncomfortable showing you where I live.”

“You know I don’t care whatever it looks like, yeah?”

“Could you give me some more time? I promise to take you when I’m ready. Please give me a few more weeks.”

You smiled, but it didn’t reach your eyes, and rightfully so. He had turned down each and every attempt to ‘know’ more of him.

Guilt continued to singe him. It was true that the coward dies a thousand deaths but the valiant one. He’d only hurt once for telling the truth, but now that the truth could drive you away from him, he couldn’t risk it.

“Also,” he winced. “I’m flying to Bahrain again on Wednesday.”

You frowned. “You literally were just there today.”

He couldn’t have picked a better time to tell you, could he? Did he have to keep breaking the news to you every week and watch the smile fall off the face of his favourite woman?

“Well, the team stayed there, but I thought I wanted to see you for a bit. I mean- two nights, that’s better than nothing.”

You laid your fork down and gave him a sympathetic look. You sighed before getting out of your seat. For a second he thought you were going to leave, but you went over and wrapped your arms around him as he was still seated.

“You don’t have to do that, John.” You held him against your chest. “I know it’s your job, and I’m not trying to make a fuss about it.”

“I want to,” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

It was silly to admit it, but he’d grown terribly used to seeing you almost every day, sharing meals with you, waking up with his arms around you. He didn’t have the strength to be apart for so long.

Slumber inched closer and the rise and fall of his bare chest slowed under your cheek. He kissed the top of your head, pulling the comforter closer over your exposed shoulders.

“I enjoy seeing more of your handsome face, but I miss your beard already,” you muttered sleepily.

He let out a soft chuckle. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“First race of the season, eh!” Gaz slapped John on the back before plopping down onto the couch next to him. “Will we finally meet her?”

In the hospitality suite, it was the first time they had some quiet since he arrived in Bahrain.

He sighed. “Not yet.”

“Aw, thought it’s official now with your public appearance.”

“What?” He whipped to his teammate. “What are you talking about?”

“The photos. Have you not seen?” He pulled up an article.

Incognito John Price spotted with an unknown woman

The McLaren driver was recently seen strolling hand-in-hand with a mystery woman, sparking speculation among fans on social media. Though nothing is confirmed yet, John has been spotted multiple times with the same woman around the city, adding to the intrigue surrounding their relationship. For the outing, the Scouse opted for a casual ensemble as he’s often seen in, donning a black baseball cap and a matching face mask…

“Who the bloody fuck cares what I’m wearing?” he muttered under his breath.

He scrolled further down, finding photos of the both of you taken in bursts. A set were of you holding hands while walking down the street, the bloom of your laugh at something he said perfectly captured in the photographs. Some where he pulled his mask down to kiss you with an arm wrapped around your waist as you clung onto his bicep. And the last few were of him looking absolutely aghast in the flash as he held the car door for you before driving away.

“You look like shit in the last one though.” Kyle winced. “Like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Yeah,” he answered dryly, tossing the phone back to Gaz. “You’d probably look the same way if someone howled out your name and took your photos in the same second.”

John didn’t bother going through the sea of comments, not wanting to know what unsavoury remarks he was only going to find. He didn’t even realise the man the other day took so many photos. His heart melted at how lovely you looked in the candid pictures with your radiant smile - his favourite state of you, but his stomach churned at the same time.

How long hid he follow you? Spotted multiple times - did that mean there were other photos of the both of you floating around online? At least half of your face was obscured in the shots, but someone who knew you could very much recognise you regardless.

John Sloane was running out of time. There was only one way this was going. The truth had to come out, and it was his choice if he wanted it to explode and destroy what he had with you, or come from him, wrapped as best he could.

But he had time. He only needed a few more weeks to step up his game and get you used to the schedule, to make the transition as seamless as he could for you.

As always, he texted and called when he could, but he had to admit, he felt it. It wasn’t the same if he didn’t get to hold your hand or wrap his arms around you, because two days were not enough at all to let the craving for you melt away.

His confidence flickered, but it didn’t matter. It was his forte after all – his whole life had revolved around relentlessly pushing forward despite how painful it was.

And so he wasn’t giving up. Not on you, not this soon.

Masterlist

@tiredmetalenthusiast @le16erc @kyletogaz @asbestos-n-asbesties @two-autumns

@juicyjujuuu @the-darling-fishy @dahlia-reads @nocturnalreader106 @princessdaniiiii

@freshlemontea @sadcowboyhours @hungrycrazy @hope69world @shinymriver

@buckyboeducky @eve-lie @cumhero0 @ducks118 @readreblogfics

[sabahs-stuff]

Manifest appearance change. (Weight loss/gain)

(Success story)

❏First and foremost, Yeah, I know you shouldn't let go of your manifestation. Like detaching from your manifestation bla bla..

However, I have noticed that actively affirming appearance change is difficult for me because I love looking at my reflection in the mirror all the time. And I've to constantly remind myself to affirm. Every time I affirm, one of my inner voices started stating the opposite.

I weighed 47kg (I'm 5'3; I know it's the ideal weight, but I wanted to gain a little more). It was difficult for me to eat more. I believe it was about April 14 or 15. I decided to quit trying to eat more. I started to joke that I was gaining weight without eating,"are u kidding me? I'm eating nothing and also skipping dinner these days, so how tf am I gaining weight?" Some of my friends even laughed at me.🙂

Then, out of nowhere, my sister began complaining that I had gained weight, then few days ago I went to the doctor for a checkup, and they also measured my weight, it's 51KG now. Mind you, I skipped a lot of meals and wasn't eating at all. It was during the Mercury retrograde. I was quite depressed and saddened also someone so close to me died. But it took me like 10 days to gain 4kg. If that's not shocking idk what is.

So, this is what I did (•_•)

Reminder : "If you could make yourself believe that you have the exact appearance you desire, it would change"

Every time I ate, I told myself, "I should be dieting." And look at what I'M doing. I should start working out before it's too late. And that is all. Then I didn't even affirm anything during the day, ( I believe that if you make your brain believe that you're prettiest little creature on the planet and your existence is a service to the humanity then that's how it would be. And my toxic trait is that I believe my presence is a blessing to the humanity.😂

every time I looked in the mirror, I said, "Wtf? I'm gaining weight . "Shit, I need to diet." And trust me when I tell you at that exact moment your brain is going send you a thought "Stop lying; you're still skinny bitch"

But don't forget that you get to select what happens in your reality. If your mind wants to offer you lemons, make lemonade.😂

I said, "Yes, that's correct. If I want to lose my weight I need to affirm I'm still skinny" and I kept on saying "I need to lose weight or I'll gain more weight" just tricked my brain into thinking that I'm chubby and attempting to manifest becoming skinny. And I didn't focused on the end goal; I wasn't obsessed with it; I didn't give a damn about it, but whenever I noticed a little change, I freaked out as if something terrible had happened. And believe me when I say I freaked out it was Oscar worthy😂

I Remember, the first thing I noticed was that my arm was looking a bit chubby. I was screaming and even fake crying, 😭 "Damn this is embarrassing, I need to work out, I'm gaining weight." I then searched and downloaded weight loss workouts online.

Trust me I was living the moment 😂. literally living in the end. It was easy at the time because my brain was literally blank. I had no feelings or emotions, so I fed my brain whatever I wanted, and it ate every thought I gave it. I'm happy with my weight now.

I'm now 51kg this is just a photo I saved from Pinterest but this is my Desired type-

Here are some tips:

Your appearance is constantly changing with your affirmations and beliefs. So don't doubt whether this is going to work or not. 

Your manifestation will take time, depending on you and your beliefs.

And about mental health, I would post about it later, but it's important.

The more you visualize, the faster it will become a reality.Visualise everything; literally, everything you want, VISUALIZE 🙌 stay in your head

The amount of things I changed and manifested in my life is crazy; it's different for each person. But it took me a year to fully understand manifestation. So give yourself time. Spend time with yourself; the better you know yourself, the better you'll get in manifestation. Best advice: talk to yourself (in your head, of course, or others would think you're crazy, lol 😹.)  gossip with yourself; if you want to be tall tell yourself that you're tall and stick to it refuse to let go. ✊🏻

Hope you like it. It's my first ever post but clearly not the last 😉 feel free to ask any questions. 🩷

[elderwisp]

hi! Im so sorry if this is the wrong place to ask, I've looked for answers for this before so I'm just not sure,,

i absolutely adore your sims and your story! Its completely inspired me to create a story w/ my sims as well! the only thing is I'm quite overwhelmed with it all and I don't know where to start :(

do you have any tips? Whats your process? there's so many things to use and I'm just curious what you use! Thanks in advance and no pressure to answer if this is the wrong place :))<33

HAI :D OMG EXCITING <3 no worries! my inbox is always open for assistance and i'd love to help! here's a bunch of tips ranging from writing to technical to artsy stuff:

the start:

⟡ i should preface this story did not begin as one typically would which is say following the example of how to write a novel in a year. my writing style for this project started out with my interest in the characters created. my desire to wanting to know why certain oc's acted the way they did and that's where it all began. what started out as short stories of certain individuals reworked into something much more authentic. this was the hook for me so you gotta find that one sliver of interest and run with it. you can most certainly utilize tools like character sheets, pinboards, storyboards to assist you but i find that if i'm not connected to the story, it's difficult to use them

⟡ with that being said LOL invest the time in fleshing out your character because when you understand how they work, when you believe in them, the easier it'll be in creating scenes and writing dialogue. for me, it's almost intuitive writing for characters to the point where i will easily check myself and rewrite a scene because it didn't align with a certain character

⟡ while the influence of your own ideals/experiences eventually bleed into an oc, it's important to identify that, otherwise a cast of diverse characters eventually feel the same. this was something i struggled with for years which is why i could never really begin until now!

⟡ it's good to ask yourself what sort of story do you want to create. the best question is is it plot driven or character driven? what sort of tone do you want to set? do you want to blend them? i think there's a huge stress on just doing things for fun and not taking things seriously but i do want to challenge others to consider what that might look like for others. sometimes people like to create grand posts or fun slice of life posts and neither is more valid than the other. it's truly up to the author

technical stuff:

⟡ i'm gonna be honest with you, i'm not as organized as i once was in how i go about plotting things however! in the beginning, i would utilize sticky notes with ideas written on them and then shuffle around how i wanted things to play out. now i use a dingy little notebook LMAO but i've heard good things about milanote! as for dialogue, i do use google docs but i do think they're under fire for using your things for ai training or somethin O_O

⟡ i do use photoshop to edit my photos and that usually looks like cropping, color/contrast enhancing and sharpening. i do add dialogue last because when i sharpen it all together, the font looks cwispy! there's this mini tut by @/stinkrascal on how to format the text so it's all even if that's the style you're going for! anyways it changed my LIFE lmao! right here are some free alternatives. also this is an older post in which i shared my process and it includes some tips and tricks with photoshop (you can also see how i used to format text lmaooo)

⟡ knowledge is power. if i find myself really struggling with certain aspects, like maybe the logistics of a character, i'll set aside some time to learn from certain authors, commentators or directors. even if it's a short clip of seeing how they approach something as simple as their thought process behind how a scene supported a character to something as small as the significance of Isha's hat from Arcane

misc writing tips:

⟡ ooh! because tessellate is such a large group of characters, it can be challenging to structuring a plot. so i started off by slowly introducing characters rather than all at once. i also break up character plots into arcs but with that comes filler episodes to help space out big moments. i like to utilize filler episodes as bite sized pieces that introduces the readers to newer characters while also allowing there to be breaks in between. those filler posts highlight certain events, ways of living, etc that might influence how things play out in the future. a good example is kai, we're nearing the end of his arc but all of those little moments in between really helped shaped how things played out!

⟡ when i think of conflict, i think of it a lot like a boiling pot. it starts out at a neutral temperature (your foundation), before bubbles begin to form (minor annoyances between characters), steam hissing (the lead up) to an eventual lid popping off (the conflict). the build up is the most important part to the pay off!

⟡ my best piece of advice for darker themes is really understand the topic and stray away from stereotypes as it diminishes a lot of depth in certain subjects as well as does more harm than good. recognize that at the end of the day a weakness does not define a person as they are a person through and through. approach it with compassion rather than judgement.

⟡ i know i know everyone says to read your dialogue out loud and that is incredibly important however while doing that, think about the flow too. as a writer, because we are goal oriented, sometimes dialogue can be turned into what will progress the plot which makes things feel a bit unnatural and sometimes lacking the proper flow. remember to consider the personality of a character. how is a line delivered through a character who is brash versus one who is a bit more reclusive? also! here's a great video about the stiff dialogue in veilguard that shows what unnatural dialogue can sound like.

⟡ remember, comparison is the thief of joy. it's easy to get caught up in recognition and likes. there was a time where i consistently got 3-5 readers and that was it. there are moments now where certain posts are incredibly inconsistent in engagement and sure, it can be disheartening but then i think about the handful of individuals that consistently comment, the specific asks about how a certain post made them feel seen and interact and i remember why it's i chose to write. it isn't the recognition i seek, it's the connection. it's important to have that one thing that gives you the strength to continue because truthfully, things can be inconsistent and that's okay.

the artsy stuff:

⟡ i am a huge fan of cinema, animation and photography. i think consuming a lot of media and art has helped train my eye especially if i feel as if my screenshots are becoming repetitive. it's good to see how different directors go about framing dialogue. comic panels are amazing as well since artists find new unique ways of captivating an audience through levels like coloring, framing, posing and such! it's honestly why i introduced some vertical shots to black out bars in story posts because of that unique angle! remember, media is meant to inspire you! after watching the latest season of Arcane (haven't finished it yet tho) it genuinely relit a fire under my ass LMAO

⟡ different angles, lighting and positioning can help elevate a story. the aesthetics of a story can really add another layer of depth however it's important to remember that it is a supporting role, not the entire role

⟡ i do use my own reshade and i've formatted it to have similarities of a film camera as well as my preference of color correcting. i lean heavier towards contrast, colors and shadows however i always encourage for people to look into what supports their vision the best! the lightroom shader by quint and pd80's contrast/brightness/saturation shader help with color grading in game as they do have sliders that tweak certain colors. the sepia shader is great for adding a cinematic tint but it can conflict with relight and the way the lights are presented. relight of course can add those shadows in lighting. i'll sometimes have two presets, one for up close shots to further shots because sometimes zooming out can create inconsistencies in your preset as things might look to muggy or like a disco ball LOL (ps what helps with that is adjusting bloom if used and messing around with shadows/midtones/highlights/saturation with that lightroom shader)

last but not least, a story is a labor of love, it's a tool in which authors can utilize the pen to their own manner whether it's to communicate ideas or to simply tell a tale. don't be afraid to dive deep into the layers of your story and remember each piece can be important factor but it's entirely up to you as to where you want that focus to be. it does take a lot of courage to start but i truly believe if it's something you cherish, it'll always be worth it!

i do wish you the best of luck! thank you for trusting me enough to give you some tips and tricks! i tried to lean more into the more finite details as i felt like this is what truly helped me throughout the years! <3 also here is a complimentary meme i made:

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

Desire you? Fantasize about you? Interesting. Ive always wondered what it’s like to have high self esteem and think of yourself that way. :/ Do you consider yourself conventionally attractive?

My opinion of myself is irrelevant, because even if you directed this question at me, that's not what this ask is really about. So, instead, let me ask you in return: What do you gain from constructing your worth from the fragile, fluctuating social norms that deliberately prey on dissatisfaction? What standards do you want to live by, someone else's or your own? If you know what you want, then, what if you live like that?

The definition of conventionally attractive has changed in the last ten years. In the last twenty. In the last hundred, thousand, so on. The definition changes across continents, countries, groups of people within cities, socioeconomic classes, trends. It is an idea that is moreso used as a weapon for comparison and rarely for anything good. Comparison is the thief of happiness. The idea of "conventionally attractive" is decided by companies to make them money. Nothing sells product like making you feel shitty about yourself and feeling like you need to change something to be worthy to the general public.

I don't need to think people desire me or fantasize about me. They've told me themselves, solicited and unsolicited. People have insulted me to me as well. If I believed what they say or didn't, does that change what is? The truth is that I cannot control how other people think about me. I am the enemy in someone's story. I am meaningless to some. I am one of the reasons for few to keep going. I hold myself in high regard in relation to me, not to others, because an opinion of me can change in an instant, usually with very little relation to myself and mostly due to projection of another's own internalized ideals that they feel they don't live up to. The standards others impose on you are born from their own discomfort within themselves. I have learned that can't sustain my existence based on someone else's blueprint. I don't have to. I don't want to. Some people like that about me. Some people don't. I chose that, and I'll live with that.

Life is a gamble, true. But it is random, not rigged. People around you will try to rig the game in their own way, believing winning is a contest among each other. It's not. Yes, others will do their best to distract you, either through validation or violation, but the game of life is not about them. It is about you and the dealer. There are actually endless possibilities available as long as the game progresses. You are dealt circumstances. You can choose how to feel about them, you can find ways to turn them into opportunities, and you can beat the odds. You know that's possible because you witness it in others. But those are their circumstances and the answers they found for themselves. Just like how there is a vast variety in fulfillment, there are many winning hands. The answer for you must be determined and chased for on your own.

You can think of yourself however you want. You might not think that because you have been tricked to believe that you're incapable.

When you believe a lie, it will become truth for you.

I won't change your mind because I cannot. Only you can do that. It's very likely that you'll dismiss all this. That's understandable given what you know at this moment. So, think. How many of your thoughts are seeds other people planted? Are those flowers truly for you or are they the parasitic weeds you need to pluck out? There are many ways a garden can be beautiful but the garden needs to be tended to by the owner, you.

눈물이 터져 나오면, 그대 울어도 돼 당신은 사랑받기에도 이미 충분한데 if you can't hold it back, it's okay to cry you are already more than enough to be loved people pt.2 by agust d ft. iu

[lqtraintracks]

Is there a difference between what you find the hottest in smut and what you find the hottest in reality? Are there parallels?

You sure came in here with a banger, didn't you?

I let this marinate for a few days (a week?) something like that. The trick is probably going to be in giving a genuine answer that also doesn’t bare all of me and my secret fantasies to the internet. The answer would be a little more detailed in a circle of friends rather than shared on the tumbles. 

Be that as it may (under a cut because of sexual topics):

Is there are difference? Yes. Are there parallels? Yes, and even hell yes.

I write things I would never want to try myself. Watersports. Great on the page. SUPER hot. It can be hot to me when other people engage in it; under certain circumstances I could watch it. Have less than zero interest in doing it.

There are plenty of things I find hot both on the page and in my own mind that would be hard nos in reality. Deep-throating? Hot in fic. Sometimes in porn, though it has to be ~just right~. In reality, it’s a hell no for me. No shame to people for whom it is a hell yes! That’s why I love writing it! It’s hot. In theory. And when I’m in control of how it happens and to whom, and I can zoom in on their inner thoughts and desires while it happens. That’s what makes it hot for me more than even the thing itself. 

That said, yes, there are plenty of parallels. There are plenty of things that I write that I also love to do, have done, etc. I will leave that to your imagination! But I’ve realized pretty recently that I’m sort of gray ace and demi as well as queer. I would rather read about most things, write most things, than do them. Doesn’t mean I haven’t done and enjoyed a lot of them or won’t again. I’ve lived what I can safely say is likely more than half the life I’m going to get. I’ve done a lot. I’ve tried a lot that I loved, that I hated, that I’m neutral about, that was bad with one person but then great with another. I’ve been top, bottom, Dom, sub, tried lots of positions and role plays and places and kinks and sorts of people. I’ve had traumatic experiences and ecstatic ones. I’ve had boring sex and off-putting sex and one night stands and years-long relationships, good and bad. I have an extremely prolific sexual imagination, and I enjoy my own company. If you know what I mean.

But there’s a reason I write so much smut. I absolutely love it. When I’m writing sex, I’m both in complete control and absolutely uninhibited. I bare my soul with all my clothes still on. I write characters having near-religious experiences with each other and can simultaneously give them orgasms and soul-shattering love. It’s messy but only in the ways that I decree. If I want to do something realistic and have someone stop in the middle of anal sex because they feel like they’re about to shit themselves (and their partner) I can—but I don’t have to! It’s idealized, which makes it both less and more than real sex. I can experience hate sex without hating anyone! I can explore pain play more than I could probably stand in real life (giving or receiving). It’s a different kind of creative act, sometimes fueled by actual sexual fantasies but just as much by my writer’s drive to try something new with my art and to explore characters without limitations.

I hope this yes-and-no answer isn’t too unsatisfying. If so, just go read some smut instead! I’ve found that tends to do the trick. :D

Thanks for the balls-out ask! I had fun thinking about it! <3

[milawritesstuff]

Girl At Home (Pedri’s Version)

A/N:

This is part 3 to:

Babe (Pedri’s Version)

I Almost Do (Pedri’s Version)

Ideally I wanted to have part 3 and 4 ready at the same time. But I was busy this weekend so I am going to try and finish part 4 by tonight so you guys can have an ending to this. I hope you guys like it, I love your feedback so please don’t be shy to talk to me and tell me what you think!!

Enjoy :)

•••

Pedri’s POV

Something told me to look up and when I did I could have sworn I saw her, the strands of wavy brown hair as she turned the corner.

I was walking back home from picking up my dinner, the night falling over the Barcelona sky. A mundane routine now. Nobody at home to share dinner with. I picked up my food, walked back home, and wondered who she was having dinner with.

I knew it was her. My heart sank. For weeks dreaming of seeing her again without actually thinking about what I would say to her once I did. The bag with my dinner falling to the ground as I rushed to her. I turned the corner and manage to grab her arm to stop her.

-Y/N.- I said as a surprised look and a half smile met me.

But it wasn’t her.

-Joder, disculpe.- I apologized as I turned around and walked back home. Wondering where she had gone, I was sure it was her but at this point it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. My eyes fixated on the ground mentally kicking myself for allowing something so small bring all hope back to me.

Her scent had already left the home we shared except for the pillows, which I had sprayed with the bottle of perfume she left behind. The rest of her things still hanging in the closet. She had left every gift I had given to her behind, just like me. I hated being home because everything reminded me of her and of that faithful night when I let the worst take over me.

-Are you sure you don’t want to come?- I asked as I got ready to shower.

She looked up at me from her book and scrunched her nose. -You need some time with your friends, go out and have a boy’s night.-

I walked over to her and placed a kiss on her forehead as she went back to her book. I stepped back and smiled, knowing how lucky I was to have her by my side. Thinking about the first time that I met her and how somehow I knew she was going to be special in my life. The way she giggled when I introduced myself to her stealing my heart from that second.

The first time we kissed. Y/N and I had snuck out of our homes that night. We sat on the sand as the waves crashed in front of us. The light of the moon shinning down on both of us.

-Do you ever wonder what it would be like to live somewhere else?- She asked.

-Sometimes, but canarias is beautiful.- I said which caused her to laugh.

-Yeah but it would be exciting to live somewhere else, like Barcelona or Madrid.- Her eyes filled with wonder.

-We can live there.- I said with a sudden rush of confidence.

-You and me?- She turned over to look at me with raised eyebrows.

-Y porque no?- And why not? I said with a smile.

The thirteen year old girl smiled back at me with hope and turned back to look at the waves. I slowly moved my hand over hers. The warmth of our bodies meeting.

She looked down at our hands and smiled. I loved that smile since the first day I saw it. Slowly she moved her gaze from our hands to my face. I swallowed hard trying to stop myself from saying something stupid or not saying anything at all. Because in that moment I had to.

-Te quiero.- I said as I leaned down and she moved herself closer to me. Our lips touched. It was perfect. Our eyes opened as we pulled away from each other. A smile on our faces.

-Yo también te quiero, Pedri.- She said shyly.

A few hours later Ansu, Ferran, Eric, Gavi, and I were walking into a club in the city. We started with one round of drinks and eventually lost count of how many we had. I saw her through the corner of my eye as she approached me. -Elena.- She said as she extended her arm out standing in front of me in a red dress. I should have turned around but I didn’t. I grabbed her arm and pulled her in placing a kiss on either cheek greeting her.

I felt a hand grab my shoulder and when I turned around it was Gavi. He stared at me and whispered into my ear. “Be careful, you have a girl at home.” And that was the last reasonable words I heard that night.

“I know you have a girl at home.” She said as her body was pushed against mine, her warm breath near my ear. “But she’s not here, you are.” I said.

I’m not sure when or how it happened but while Elena and I sat down she ended up on my lap, facing me. I knew damn well I was crossing the line. I closed my eyes and felt her touch but in my mind it was Y/N. I didn’t see her friends next to us taking pictures. I felt her lips on my neck and as I opened my eyes I saw Gavi’s eyes of disappointment. But even then my mind was impaired and I took it all for granted. I took her to the restroom and did the one thing Y/N and I had only ever done. When I came out of the restroom my friends were gone. I couldn’t drive, not in the state that I was in.

As I waited outside of the club for the taxi I already knew I was about to lose Y/N. I turned my phone back on and saw the texts she had sent telling me she was going to sleep and she loved me.

I stumbled into our apartment and saw her laying in the bed. As I got into the bed I placed a kiss on her forehead with regret.

The next morning when I picked up Gavi for training he was silent. Before I could say anything he started to yell at me.

-Te la follaste?- Did you fuck her?

I looked down at the steering wheel as I drove not answering his question.

-Joder tio, pero eres un estupido.-

-Stop, fuck Gavi. You don’t think I know? I don’t know what I’m going to do.-

He looked at me, I had tears in my eyes. I couldn’t sleep all night thinking about it. I left while she showered not being able to look at her in the eyes.

We were both quiet for a few minutes until I felt his hand on my shoulder. "You’re my brother, I love you. But you really fucked this up. The best you can hope is that she doesn’t find out."

But she found out. And I had nobody else to blame but myself.

As we walked back to the locker room my phone began to ring. Gavi looked over at me with his eyebrows furrowed.

-Y/N really misses you.- He said with a smile. I opened the door to my locker and took out my phone. It wasn't her.

I knew it was over the moment I saw the pictures. Gavi looked over at me, I was staring off into the wall, my face pale as a ghost.

-Pedri, que pasa?- What happen?

-It's over.- I said as I handed him my phone.

I rushed home. Hearing her break down over the phone broke me even more. And the thing is that I knew it, I knew the moment my hands touched Elena, that I was fucked. I was destined to lose Y/N.

The morning after she left our home I showed up to practice with puffy and red eyes. Gavi knew what had happened without me having to tell him anything.

-She’s gone.- I whispered as I sat in the locker room after practice.

He was silent. Not knowing what to tell me. In that moment probably silence being better than an ‘I told you so’ from him.

-I fucking love her Gavi. I lost her.- I said as I felt tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Never imagining I would be sitting here in front of my best friend as vulnerable as I was in that moment.

-Then show her.- He said back.

I rubbed my eyes and looked up at him. -I’m a fucking asshole. I think the best way to show her I love her is by letting her go. She deserves better.-

He looked down at me and nodded his head agreeing with me without saying a word.

The following weeks were the most difficult. Y/N and I had planned on visiting our families in Tenerife for a few days during the holidays. But I couldn’t go by myself. I couldn’t tell my mom what had happened, I couldn’t tell her that her son had fucked up the one good thing in his life.

-What happened, why did she move out?- My mom asked me over the phone. I stayed quiet. It was a surprise she hadn’t seen the pictures of me with Elena.

-Life happens, mom.- I said. She took the hint and stopped asking me. I didn’t want to go back home and have to face seeing her family, them probably knowing exactly what I had done. And the thing is that I never thought about all of this that night. How I would face the world without her.

Instead I spent the days in my apartment alone. I looked over and over at her message thread. All of the messages I had sent without a response. Knowing I had already lost her. She didn't even care enough to fight with me about anything. She didn't care enough to take her anger out on me, blame me for messing our future up. She didn't care anymore and I couldn't blame her.

At the end of the day it had all been my fault, because I took the girl I had at home for granted.

TAG LIST:

@cinderellawithashoe @httpswiftie @simpingmyassoff @bubblebeep69 @fictional-l0v3r @httpspedri26 @0alanasworld0 @l0verl4ne @gaviypedrisbride @footballerficsposts @fashphotolife @beaschampagneproblems @jvsgnjrtpdar5stkd-tv-m @ikkehehe @jjishotasf @quemirasboboandapaya @maricciardo @gaviswh0re @pedriwifefrfr @dustell @elijahslover @formula1mount

[badsalmonella]

SGATGK getting 'er done.👍

TLDR: some neato historical/fantasy drawing references, I like character design would be neat if someone paid me to do that someday, I have to trick myself into being motivated to finish anything like one tricks a dog into taking their meds by putting it in the wet food, tales passed down for centuries are cool.

Why did I do this? : Because I'm obsessed with art books and design bibles and it's what made me want to study animation in the first place. Portfolio pieces like this, this and this were always something I wanted to do, I think they are so inspiring.

Unfortunately you like have to put in a lot of effort to get something like this done, and as I have learned from a semi-failed attempt to do this with Hadestown it is very easy to get too precious about the art and restart 80 times and essentially never get anything done. I'm out here chanting "finished not perfect" to myself in the mirror like a mantra maybe one day it will seep into my bones and I will fully embrace it. Full disclosure, one of the circumstances that led to me actually finishing this is that I have way too much free time on my hands atm, like I don't think I would have gotten this done (or gotten it done in a timely manner) if I was also balancing full time work, but I was tryinggg to squeeze some lemons out of a less than ideal situation. Second thing, on top of trying to do this for 4 years with Hadestown, I alsooo initially tried to do this with the musical Camelot/ the Arthur/Lancelot/Guinevere love triangle part of the Arthurian legends but found I was once again too obsessed with the thing, and getting too precious about the art to get anything substantial done. I did get these Guinevere runaway bride drawings done though. Phillipa Soo high cheekbones Guinevere will always be important to me!!

So I switched gears and chose an Arthurian legend I liked well enough, but not so much I would sike myself out of getting it done and went with Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. It's also a story that adheres to a pretty traditional fable structure. A young guy goes on a quest, he experiences trials in threes, he comes back a little changed having learned a life lesson, etc. Also designing The Green Knight comes with a fun 'cool' factor that I like. The Arthurian discord server run by queer-ragnelle on tumblr is full of really nice, and wayyyy more knowledgeable people who pointed me in the direction of Simon Armitage's translations of the poem so that's what I read to get started. Another great resource I liked was Queer as Fact's podcast episode on the story. Something that I found really interesting was that they discussed Gawain's kissing game with the Bertilak's being something that brought on both queer positive and queerness as a sort of cautionary tale that was encouraged to be turned away from interpretations*. Interesting that you could take away two opposite readings from the same text, but also really framed the experience of staying with the Bertilaks as something that is otherworldly and treading into unknown territory for Gawain.

*I wanna add that 1. just because I acknowledge the two conflicting interpretations doesn't mean that I think one cancels out the other's validity 2. Just because I acknowledge it doesn't mean that it's one that I like or agree with. Obviously these stories are so old we can't ask the author what intent they were writing with so we'll never get 'the right answer', all we really have is interpretation. So like why not interpret something positive out of it, especially if you can back it up with the text.

I got pretty tired of using Google images for research, and actually went to the library for most of my drawing reference. This was also good because it got me out of the house yay! It made me feel like those movie behind the scenes featurettes I love, where people go on their little research trips, like OoooO I'm making the fake movie in my brain!! I unfortunately never wrote down the titles of these books I was using but there were some great illustrated book of clothing worn throughout history. I wanted to keep Gawain, and the design of Camelot fairly close to something historical.

I loved this book especially because all the art was so colourful. I think a lot of people have this idea that medieval costuming should be dull/dark colours but I definitely didn't want to go in that direction. I love bright colours!

I really took inspiration from this illustration I found for Gawain, even though people typically associate medieval knights with full plate armour, in the story Gawain is going on a lengthy journey to find the green chapel, then accept his beheading so I actually felt something lighter like this chainmail outfit with robe on top was the way to go to make him feel mobile. Also Gawain really lays on the self deprecating sauce thick when he volunteers himself up to participate in the Green Knight's game, claiming he is of no great importance, he's just a little guy, it's not a big risk if he gets hurt. (that's not a direct quote. That just the vibe) So I also snuck in the small detail that his clothing is a little oversized, not quite arranged straight, but he grows into it by the end of the tale :3

I also used designing Gawain as the chance to lock down what artstyle I wanted to move forward with. My brain told me 'oohhh storybook!' but go into a bookstore and give it a peruse and you will quickly find there is a wide array of storybook artstyles. So that was not specific enough. I tried simplifying my art style, I liked Cartoon Saloon's stuff (good catch everyone who commented on it's influence in the post's tags) but felt it was a little too simplified and stylized for what I wanted to do. The big lightbulb moment for me was when I found this art by an-old-lady on tumblr. I really like how this artist's work is pretty stylized but sticks close to recognizable human proportions. So I put this one my inspiration board, while still trying to keep it distinctly mine. not really my call to say if I succeeded at this or not lol

But yes Cartoon Saloon's influence is still there, especially with backgrounds,

and I also really loved looking towards the art of Sleeping Beauty. Really amazing use of colour in this art, also the way they simplify nature into easy to read shapes, then pack in all the detail there is something I loved.

me doing my best to harness that Disney concept art power

(Side note one books I can name from all this research is this one because I would like to own it some day. Fantastic resource for not only showing the classic art and architecture they are taking reference from, but how you can apply that to something a lot more cartoony and simplified. Seriously the side by side comparisons of medieval book artwork next to their Sleeping Beauty storybook scenes are masterclass mwah)

From there something I really wanted to drive home was this contrast between Gawain's world and Lord Bertilak/Green Knight's world. The Green Knight comes with lengthy descriptions about his odd (but hot *wink*) appearance, and there is definitely an aura that something unknown has entered King Arthur's court. While I tried to find inspiration for Gawain's armour from old artwork, Green Knight's outfit I was looking more to fantasy influences like Lord of the Rings, House of the Dragon, Renaissance Faire costumes, etc.

When you look up medieval fashion you get a lot of reference for these crazy cool headpieces

Lots of head coverings too for women (lots of it done for modesty reasons. Also a little bit for hygiene reasons) so I kept that consistent with the women of Camelot

Also even though a lot of medieval media associates the revealed shoulders and the sleeves with interesting cutouts with woman's fashion at the time, a lot of actual historical imagery I was finding has a full coverage layer underneath known as the kirtle (mostly for hygiene purposes......though I'm sure modesty is also a factor)

( Alicent where is your underlayer?? Cringe.)

But for Lady Bertilak I went full medieval fantasy and whipped out those sleeves that I always associate with princesses and gave her long flowing hair. Also interestingly I remember the story once emphasising her ~flirtatiously~ revealed shoulders. I wonder if that was a fashion choice still made back then, or if this is fantasy detailing, sort of like how the trash doctor drama TV show Doctor Odyssey will have doctors doing work on patients in full cocktail party attire a decision that is not based on any sort of reality but maybe hundreds of years from now if the media is preserved humans might assume that was how the doctors of our day dressed. HM!

Lord Bertilak actually gave me a hard time with his look. I went in really only knowing I wanted to give him that Hozier inspired bun hairstyle. My reasoning being that like Lord Bertilak loves going hunting he's a kind of man of the woods.....but he's also supposed to be this hot Lord who is making Gawain question if he wants to join a very unchristian open marriage and when I think of man of the woods but make it glam I think of this dude

but other than that I had no ideas on how to approach this 'same shape as the Green Knight but make him more warm and approachable' look I was trying to achieve, so I just made lots of sketches that got trashed pretty quickly. Also at the time I didn't know what colour scheme I wanted for these two yet, only that I wanted green as an accent colour to hint at his true identity (also because plot relevant green girdle) but not the MAIN COLOUR of their colour scheme. So anyways that's how you get this funny drawing of Lord Bertilak looking very Curious George's Yellow Guy vibes.

Then it hit me in the most unexpected of places....

You're probably wondering "hey there is literally a fantasy historical King Arthur musical you are OBSESSED WITH why are you not turning to that for inspiration?" or maybe "why would you reference House of the Dragon earlier but not the much more famous Game of Thrones?" and the answer there is as cool as those costumes are they are taking a LOT of inspiration from modern runway fashion and that just wasn't the vibe I was looking for. But then one day as I played the Camelot bootleg as comfort background noise (normal behaviour) I found inspiration from THE UNDERRATED FASHION ICON SIR PELLINORE!

I just really loved the long sleeveless drapery situation he had going on. I added the fur along the neckline for Lord Bertie though to make him more top heavy (like his Green Knight counterpart) and as a nod to hunting. but yes big props to Pellinore. ty king!

The contrasting shape language I used in the character design then informed all the extra prop details surrounding these characters.

But to keep things consistent I tried to keep some similar design principles for costumes. They like drapery. They like big sleeve moments. Bold colours. Girdles to break up dress forms. Tunics that generally fall close to knees in length.

I think the coolest bit of research I did was I visited a church in my city and got some good pictures as reference for the green chapel. In the poem the green chapel really ends up being a grass mound but that's not really an impressive drawing to put in your portfolio so I got the idea to have a chapel so old that nature has overtaken it and there's a structure in this hill. The church is open to just look through for free without attending a mass, it's a bit of a tourist destination for good reason it's really well kept, I'd been telling myself to go check it out for years of living here now but this project was what got me to finally do it.

I sketched some random object in there (this can be helpful even if you don't draw these things in your actual project just because it fills up your design bank in your brain) I also wish I took this picture but they had what looked like one of those office water coolers but it was labelled 'Holy Water' and I just thought that was funny. Sorry just wanted to share.

and I am HORRIBLE at drawing backgrounds, I really hate doing it, I find placing the horizon line/ vanishing points incredibly hard to do, so if you are like me but you wanna push yourself TAKE YOUR OWN PICTURES OF PLACES. AND TRACE OVER THEM. THEN ADD WHATEVER CHANGES NEEDED. IT'S NOT CHEATING I PROMISE. YOU CAN LITERALLY DO ANYTHING YOU WANT EVER IT IS NOT THE SAME AS PLAGIARIZING OR TRACING ANOTHER PERSON'S ART AND IT WILL SAVE YOU HEARTACHE. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

Anyways this has been my incredibly long advertisement for your local library, your local tourist spots, cool art books, cool cartoons, The Green Knight poem, the kirtle, to try your best to make the art you wanna make because it will fill your heart with joy. Don't be precious about your art in a design project, just sketch like your life is ending in the next couple of hours, it's cool if you draw something like this

There's definitely stuff I wish I had drawn, more props, something more to indicate Lord Bertilak's hunts (I also suck at drawing animals oop) and maybe those things will be drawn in the future, but I am happy to call this done for the time being :)

Did you get this far? Well thanks. ilu 🫶🏼

[mx-pokirby]

Episode 1 review of Sakura Trick

I'm conflicted in a way that makes me curious to watch more

The explicit "selling point" of this anime is that there are girls, and they kiss. Genuine, unapologetic, not-a-joke, canon, on screen, love-fueled girl-on-girl kissing. "These bitches gay. Good for them, good for them."

When the two leads kiss in episode 1, and even when they're just yearning for each other from afar, it's really sweet and wholesome and makes my gay little heart go :)

Now here's the middle part of the compliment sandwich where the not compliments come in.

Less than 15 seconds into Ep 1, the very first time we see of one of the leads is a cliche, albeit not explicit, slow pan-up shot of her bare legs, then the rest of her doing a cute post for the camera. No, it's no "grave offense", it's just a nice single example of a pattern we quickly noticed throughout the episode.

Despite essentially being about lesbians, the show (ep 1) also absolutely has "cute girls doing cute girls things/moe appeal/male gaze" written all over it. The way the girls are generally framed by the animators says everything. Even the OP shows them all off in bathing suits and 'family-friendly' naked. Except for the actual kissing scenes, which feel like they were intended to evoke feelings in a specifically lesbian audience.

We're thus led to the conclusion that this anime's ideal target demographic is not myself; it's myself (or more specifically Isabelle) like 10-15 years ago. An anime for growing "boys" who want to gawk at cute girls, and get a funny feeling in her chest when she sees these girls kiss, even though she's totally not gay like the characters are because she likes girls, and she's "totally" a straight boy, which then makes her sad cuz it means the characters could never be interested in her for being a boy.

... What was I talking about? Oh, right. Anyways I think this already shows the potential of once being able to be one of my favorite Slice of Life's as a teen.

But anyways we highly doubt a work like it would've ever been made with the intent of specifically appealing to pre-out trans lesbians, so I've no clue what the actual goal was to tell if they succeeded or not.

[agirlunfilteredsblog]

A GUIDE ON HOW TO STUDY EFFICIENTLY

Hey girls!! I know a lot of us are on break, whether that be in high school, college or university, so I figured I could maybe show you guys some tips and tricks that have helped me throughout my studies…

A little bit about my educational background:

-In high school, I was part of an IB school (the girls that know the struggle, know the struggle). If you don’t know what that is, it’s essentially a program designed to help students get a better understanding of the world and how it works. We basically do the regular high school program + the IB one, so it’s extra workload, but we do get an additional diploma at the end of our studies!

-I am now in college, studying psychology and I was recently invited to join the honors roll for my next semester (super excited about that!!). I absolutely love it and i’ve also gotten the opportunity to study other subjects such as anthropology, world history, art history, etc.

1. LEARNING WHAT TO PRIORITIZE

My biggest weakness throughout my first semester of college was balancing my workload and my social activities. Often times, I would either only do school work for weeks and not go out or simply go out until very late on school nights and get nothing done. Both scenarios are just as negative. I would be drained on the inside, and simply become exhausted by minimal activities. What helped me personally was establishing a clear schedule, which I know isn’t ideal for everyone as we all have differing schedules, but trust me, having that base helps A LOT.

2. SETTING REMINDERS TO STUDY

I dont know if this was just me, but in high school, I would constantly fall asleep and take naps after school. This would result in me totally forgetting I had to study when I woke up… Setting up reminders on my phone helped me remember what I had to do. I also included little motivational messages to keep me inspired to work.

3. KNOWING WHEN TO PUT THE BOOK DOWN

Girls, I know how hard it is sometimes to give yourself grace and put your study books down, especially when there’s a big test coming up. However, it has been proven that over reading or over studying actually has negative effects on your learning/memory. Stressing yourself out will do nothing but put you in a negative state, which is not what you want going into that exam. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, put the book down for 15 minutes and go do something that puts you at peace. Me personally, I make myself a cup of peppermint tea and put on my favorite show.

4. HAVING A STUDY METHOD THAT WORKS FOR YOU

There are many different types of study methods, so I’m not gonna tell you which one you should do as we are all different, but finding the one that works for you does ALL the difference. The way I study is very simple, I establish a game plan (I list everything I want to complete) and I give myself a time frame to complete it. The time frames are always very realistic for me, so I never have to stress about not having enough time. For each “task” I complete, I allow myself a 15-20 minute break and I study for no more than 3 hours at a time.

5. NEVER PUT STUDYING BEHIND

I am such a procrastinator, but I had to learn very quickly, especially in college, that this was not possible. The work load is so much more charged and I simply cannot get away with studying last minute. If you’re in high school, start implementing healthy study habits now, so that once you reach college, you’re already used to studying the right way (learn from me hahaha)!

I am 100% sure that there are more I’m forgetting, but these are the main ones I implement in order to keep a high average and a healthy school/social life :) I know these are very basic and you’ve probably heard of them before but I still think it’s important we talk about them to remind ourselves on what to do! If you would like more of this type of content please let me know!! My next posts will be much more light though dont worry, we are still on winter break after all ;))

so much love,

a girl unfiltered 💋

[wild-at-mind]

I don't want to be shitty to younger people on tumblr and in social justice spaces (teens and early 20s) and their absolutism and black and white thinking because I totally was like that too. I absolutely loved that thing where someone said something bad about a tumblr user and then you could act like everything they said was suspect forever. It was so convenient, to put things neatly into boxes. Social justice on here was very different back then, this would have been the early 2010s and a lot of it was about cultural appropriation vs appreciation. I think that is a very important conversation but this too was very black and white. I noticed that the only person injecting any nuance was an activist in her 40s I used to follow. Through her I learned also that some topics are really loaded for certain people but others might not feel the same because of different life experiences, even if they were the same ethnic group encountering the same type of potential appropriation. She got me primed for nuance I would later need, when my brain flat out stopped letting me deal with black and white thinking after my breakdown in 2015 and the fallout going up till 2017 and beyond. It's only now that I am really getting better. With occassional lapses. (Like when people on here were lauding protest suicide, that messed with my brain so much. Activists like the one I used to follow who don't like that kind of thinking, or the bloodthirstiness of a lot of the 'activism' shit on here, leave tumblr. They do, because it is shit here. You can get attacked for opposing the violence and self flaggelation in the rhetoric on here. By people you broadly agree with!!)

I think the reason youth tends to come with this kind of thinking is because they haven't seen it happen many times before and not lead to revolution. I can only assume that there really are people using social media to make young people interested in activism think that accelerationism is the only pure policy- by not doing things that might make things slightly better, society will be forced to fall and revolutionise into something much better. That means you don't become impure in the eyes of some internet strangers who don't give a fuck about you as a person, which is important to most people especially younger ones who haven't found their 'people' yet- everyone wants to be accepted. So you wait, years and years, the revolution doesn't happen. Things get worse in many ways, but it's never worse enough for society to fall. Because it won't. Or I guess probability means statistically, it could. But the older you get, the less likely it seems. What will you do?

I think the only thing that helped me out of this headspace was meeting people in real life who believed the same things as me, but who I disagreed with slightly. I found out oh wait, I do not have to do as the internet says and cast these people out. I can slightly disagree on how ideally an issue should be handled and that is ok. Now, many years later, I'm reclaiming my right to think the way I do, and to not trick myself into thinking I am a way I am not. The way my brain works may not be how my friend's brain works, but I can trust she won't reject me because I find JK Rowling's opinions offensive but don't find content dunking on her interesting in any way. Because she's my friend, and at the end of the day we share the same values.

To someone not online I don't think this stuff would make sense at all. Sadly I'm too weak to not be online, and I have this long background of being in that space which influences all the pushback with myself I've had to do. Its hard to get rid of that history, and hard to ignore the posting on here that seems to validate things that people living with OCD cannot put stock in (e.g. your feelings and thoughts are objectively real and also show what kind of person you really are- absolutely not something we can accept and still live with ourselves.) But I have to do it. I have to keep living. I have to believe that would be a net good. If I can't stay offline, maybe by writing this stuff it will help me and others who think like me.

My top tips for when you realise society isn't falling and won't just reset and come back better:

Join IRL activists, support their actions, plan actions with them. Get used to the variety of shapes activism takes. Talk with them about the things you disagree with. Your ability to ally with people you slightly disagree with but agree on most issues is the number 1 way you become set apart from internet-based activism.

Be suspicious of anyone promoting inaction as activism. (Yes that's about the not voting people.) You don't become impure if you vote for the candidate who is the least shit, or has the most chance of getting in and making things less shit. That's OCD thinking that for some reason has become mainstream on tumblr among non-sufferers and sufferers alike.

Posting on tumblr doesn't matter. I have seen people who convinced themselves it did go down conspiracy rabbit holes very easily. (You know- 'they are trying to silence us because of the importance of our posting!' and then it spirals from there)

People trying to guilt and shame you into doing certain things, such as rejecting your long-term mental health, or tell you that if you feel like shit all the time it's a good thing somehow- stay away from that thinking like its infectious. The most effective activism comes from people who are in an ok place mentally so they can plan and work together, not people who feel like them feeling ok is bad or offensive somehow and are making snap decisions based on this. You feeling bad doesn't help anyone.

[tigreblvnc]

BLUE LOCK MATCHUP — @cardamom-thyme

Your match is...

— Gagamaru Gin

✦ So many passions.

✦ SO MUCH TALENT!

✦ Honestly, I think that’s really cool.

✦ "I’m a huge thrill-seeker and adrenaline junkie, but also kind of a lone wolf and I tend to isolate myself inadvertently." To me, it was essential to pair you with someone who can keep up with your adventures but also respect your need for solitude.

✦ I didn’t think about it for long, to be honest!

✦ All you need is a best friend to mess around with.

✦ I usually like to pair Gagamaru with people who have pretty unique descriptions.

✦ (He’s such an underrated character, by the way.)

✦ In his own way, he’s very unique too—super independent, with a dry sense of humor, and the nickname "wild child" fits him perfectly. For me, this was the ideal match for you.

✦ I think your initially distant attitude doesn’t unsettle him at all since he shares a similar behavior. Even though he never really opens up to the point of being outgoing.

✦ Actually, Gagamaru is always chill.

✦ And he’s not clumsy at all! On the contrary, he’s incredibly skilled, and you sometimes wonder how his body can be so flexible when he jumps to stop the ball from going into the goal.

✦ I find this contrast between you two really amusing.

✦ He’ll teach you to stretch to become as flexible as he is. In the sports you practice, it could come in handy.

✦ Overall, I think Gagamaru is good at pretty much all sports. While he’s not especially good at giving advice, he naturally demonstrates how to do things well so you can observe, take notes, and try to replicate.

✦ And unlike Gagamaru, you have a lot of emotional sharpness, which Gagamaru lacks. He doesn’t really get other people’s mentality. He’s not very interested in it, and that distance is also what tends to separate him from others. Not that he complains—he’s very happy this way. But I think he’d be a bit intrigued by your ability to connect with others easily, something he doesn’t have. It’s like you watch him do crazy tricks as if they were nothing.

✦ "I looooove life sciences, marine biology in particular (it’s my major). I love weird little creatures as well, like bugs and reptiles." "I like tidepooling on rocky shores and hiking." "If I have a way to be in nature away from human civilization, you bet your ass I’m gonna be there." All of this is very Gagamaru-coded. Honestly, I don’t see any other Blue Lock character loving unusual creatures on earth as much as he does. He lives in the mountains when he’s not at Blue Lock! He knows tons of high spots, places to chill, and get the best naps of his life. If you can keep up, he’ll show you.

✦ He’s not into theory or what you find in books; he’s not book smart but very street smart. He knows how to handle himself and survive in nature—it’s second nature to him.

✦ Camping trips in bursts.

✦ He probably forgets basics like bringing blankets so you don’t get cold (he never gets cold himself). Or he might not think to bring utensils since he eats with his hands.

✦ He actually prefers raw meat.

✦ It might throw you off at first, this total lack of planning, but you quickly get caught up in the adventure and the fact that with Gagamaru, you never know what’s going to happen. If you need everything planned out at the start of a project, this will change you, and something in you enjoys stepping out of your comfort zone.

✦ Amazing snowy mountain vistas.

✦ "I love to spend time with friends, even if it’s just hanging doing nothing." "I like cozy spaces, but not too cozy or I get claustrophobic." Naps in a hammock strung between two pines. By the way, there’s a fun anecdote about Gagamaru: "If it were his last day on Earth, he would chill on a mountain." I think it says a lot about his humility despite his place at Blue Lock.

✦ Other anecdotes: "He believes that the best way to spend a holiday would be to meditate in a bamboo grove and speak to mountain animals." "Animal cruelty makes him sad (he said he would fight perpetrators)." "His favorite seasons are all of them since mountains and forests have all kinds of different looks during them." All of this reminds me so much of you.

✦ Outdoor barbecues, of course.

✦ "I love unconventional activities. Rock climbing, scuba diving, rope courses, badminton, and ice skating are my favorite sports/outdoor activities." Well, I think Gagamaru is the perfect match for anything in the wild! Camping!!! Climbing mountain slopes!

✦ "Funny enough, I used to play soccer and do martial arts when I was younger, but had to stop because of health issues." I think this helped solidify your relationship—knowing soccer and having practiced martial arts.

✦ Occasionally, you play small matches together, with you as the striker and Gagamaru as a goalkeeper.

✦ "Sometimes I bite." LMAO that’s totally something Gagamaru would let you do even if he complained! In fact, your slightly wild attitude reminds him of the forest and animals; he likes it. It’s like he has a bit of the forest with him in the city.

✦ (Fun fact: you both have the same MBTI.)

✦ "I have two dogs and a bearded dragon IRL." Group walks with all the neighborhood dogs. I can easily imagine Gagamaru with a bunch of leashes around his waist, walking fifteen dogs at once without batting an eye. I love seeing things like that on the street.

✦ He loves to watch your bearded dragon for hours, completely still, saying nothing, doing nothing else, like some people in the aquariums at the museum in Animal Crossing. I think your lizard kind of reminds him of himself.

✦ I’d laugh if, in the morning, you wake up to find Gagamaru still in the same spot, observing your bearded dragon.

✦ "In addition to the eyebrow piercing on my right and the snake bites." That made me laugh because you both have little remnants of your time in nature—his being scars on his ear from a bear.

✦ And maybe you were there when the bear attacked him?

✦ Since then, the bear has become his favorite animal. Maybe not a coincidence if you ask me.

A word about your match: My two favorite wild children :) Take each other’s hands and go soaring between the pines!

© TIGREBLVNC 2024 | AUGUST '24 MATCHUPS EDITION.

[inventors-fair]

And Another Thing: Mistake Contest Runners-up!

Our runners-up this week are @corporalotherbear, @nine-effing-hells, and @stupidstupidratcreatures!

@corporalotherbear — Counterstrike

I was quite torn on this card, actually. It's incredibly complicated when it needs to be and extremely simple—and powerful—in every other circumstance. Honestly, I'd play this card for sure; at its worst, it's "deal 3 damage to target attacking or blocking creature, or a creature that's being declared an attacker at the beginning of combat before it can do its thing." At its best, it destroys combat tricks and smashes face. Versatile is the name of the game.

Is it just me, though, or is this quite ambitious for an uncommon? I think that the complexity stands out to me because of all the possible restrictions and inter-rules complications. I can imagine players being quite annoyed if their choice of target becomes illegal, and so the spell they were trying to counter still resolves. And at the same time, that's a corner-case that's easily explained in more complex gameplay in general, so like, I get it, and I love it. I especially love, if your opponent's at 3 life and about to swing for lethal, you can get them before damage with this and blow them away. I'm weird like that, though—and for the record, the mechanics stood out first and foremost but the flavor text is also sending me. Great job on the humor there.

@nine-effing-hells — Oeuvre Bonfire

Looks like this wizard's work is now...oeuvre-done. Heyo! Anyway, this card's probably fine as a ramp spell in limited if you really need it. I can't imagine that it would get more than 3-4 mana depending, but what do I know? I think that a set like Shadows over Innistrad showed the power of Delirium, but even then, the question is: at what point in the game are you hoping to fill your graveyard to the point where this card is worth it? If you max out on non-planeswalker card types in a normal limited environment, then getting artifact + instant + sorcery + enchantment + creature + land for 2→6 mana is... I don't know, I don't think it'd be worth it.

All the same, some combo players are gonna try to make it work through channeling and discarding and all that nonsense, so what do I know. The flavor of it makes it worth it. What kind of madness are we seeing here? Is this the freedom from the mistake that grants the speaker a new lease on life? Or, are we seeing the beginning of a madness only emergent from one's realization that time has been wasted so? The ambiguity here is really doing it for me—including the question of whether this was by force from an outside perspective, internally a mistake, or a choice upon a mistake realized. I love what you've done with this, honestly.

@stupidstupidratcreatures — Bright Idea

This flavor text saved you from the fact that you submitted this card literally three minutes before I had queued the list of entries. If you're gonna try to cut it that close again, you better believe you'll be scrubbing yourself out of the tiles! Regardless, I can't say that this card is especially inspired considering the 2BB instant that destroyed a creature or planeswalker, but for one, the tapped requirement is fair enough, and the W ideal cost is a little more aggressive and combat focused, and it exiles, so whateva. And the world as well! I can imagine this being less of the Kamigawa variety and more... Hm, that's a good question, actually.

Where would a wizard try to put a star in a bottle? I'll be honest, the first person I imagined was an old-school wizard in star robes with a fancy hat, and I'm stopping myself now before I try to go down the Wikipedia rabbit hole about historical depictions of wizards in fantasy. Maybe this is Dominaria, maybe this is even Capenna because of the janitorial angle. All the same! I think that the dark humor in a wizard's alchemical mistake is enough of a mildly-gross moment that I'll admit to cracking a smile here. Hey, what more can you want?

Commentary comin' as it comes. @abelzumi

[notesfrompanihida]

What's your ideal lover? Do you seek certain qualities in someone? Do you have any preferences for personalities or appearances?

ill add a few images below in terms of my physical preferences

body type has to be fit and lean. long hair for anyone who identifies as a man is mandatory, the longer the better. tattoos!!!!! loads of them!! i have a lot of other things i enjoy in terms of fashion, but the images would be the baseline for daily wear (corpse paint every day would be cool but not even i can pull that off due to sensory issues). they must enjoy wearing suits and being in one for me. if theyre not getting off to me drooling over them i dont want it

im bisexual so i dont care for gender, however i do have a slight preference for cis men solely for the fact that their dick is attached to them and they can use it on me wherever and whenever. THIS IS A PREFERENCE, NOT A MUST

ideally, my partner must have the same disorders i do, doesnt need to be all of them. sounds horrible but im not new to dating and it seems like people who are not mentally ill in the same way as cluster bs will never truly understand someone with bpd or npd due to the drastic differences in how our brains work. think back to your math classes, if you put two mentally ill people together the mental illness should cancel out. me and my cluster b partner could still have fights and arguments, but at least both of us will know exactly why the other is reacting the way they are. there wont be the same kind of judgement from the other person as there would be from someone who doesnt suffer with personality disorders

on the topic of disordered, my partner must have the same or very similiar kinks/fetishes that i do, for obvious reasons. im not vanilla and will never be. if someone cant handle that aspect of me, were not for each other

everything else is pretty standard, i.e they must have the same moral/political standing as me, etc. i want us to have similiar enough interests (music, hobbies, love languages, ideal way to spend the day, etc) but i do not want them to be a carbon copy of me. this person also has to be able to drive. i want my partner to be very obsessed with me. i suppress these tendencies in myself because i do not yet have a person who will be fully comfortable with them, but if i choose you to be my partner i fully expect you to be okay with my obsessive love and even encourage it. ill obviously want the same back. there will be some basic boundaries in terms of that but nothing crazy ;¬)

i come from a culture where courting is the norm, so regardless of gender, i would expect my partner to do that for me before we become official. unfortunately, ive never experienced such things towards myself and always ended up on the giving end of it. i wouldnt have an issue with that as i enjoy spoiling my subjects of interests for a variety of reasons, but eventually you start to wish you got similiar treatment back. im someone who will try and learn everything about you in one go so i can use that information when i enter that courting stage. i love buying gifts, food, and flowers for my interests, which is the same stuff i expect back. everything i do i expect back, from planning lavish dates and paying for everything to spontaneous bouquets here and there. treat me like i mean everything to you and you will receive the same, if not more, back

in terms of personality, its all fairly standard. loyal, caring, attentive, patient, kind, loving, etc. the mental disorders will give them the rest of the traits i want (worships me)

some minor things that id enjoy but arent mandatory: brunette (highly preferred im sick of blondes ruining my life), plays an instrument, does ballet, has a motorcycle, is bilingual, rides horses, ice skates better than me so that they can teach me how to skate backwards and do tricks, has either a cat or a wolf like dog that i can pet, plays in a band so i can get backstage privileges (and after the show they can enter my backstage hahahaha sorry)

sending this off with the prayer that my ideal person will see this and instantly know im the one

[alwayscryingoverdannyb]

for the tea questions! 1, 4, 11, 15 and 21 - i'm nosy :)

1 How did you come to choose your current profession or lifestyle? profession was an accident. I was a receptionist, then I did backoffice and then I got offered a junior consultant position and seeing as I was overall pretty much fucked I didn't give a damn and said "why not." and then I had a good boss and it made it feel worthwhile to try to get better at it. somewhere along the way the job started to be fun and gave me sense of accomplishment and here I am, a senior consultant :)) as for lifestyle - bruh a ton of therapy. I stopped trying to "fix" things about me I didn't like and leaned into adjusting my life to suit who I actually am. (I'm a 20-80 sunshine-grump mix with extremely low social batteries and fierce need for personal space and time.)

4 Do you have any habits or quirks that others find unique or strange? I actually asked my best friend bc I needed someone else's perspective :D bc how would I know it's strange to other people when it's normal to me? And she said the following: - when I'm really happy about something, I do a small but whole-body wiggle of joy, apparently - I have very specific requirements for temperature regulation (I'm too hot quite often and feel warmer than everybody else 100% of the time. I also takes way longer to feel cold than most people) - I have thick, heavy hair and I put it up in a bun in a very specific way and apparently to other people it's so fast it looks like a ninja trick

11 Do you have any coping mechanisms for dealing with anxiety or fear? yes, I've developed some over the years. when I can't do anything about the situation, I try to distract myself and shift my focus to something else (book/podcast... ideally nothing to do with our reality), I also isolate myself (I rarely want consoling or a pep talk) and go to sleep. and then my brain resets overnight and it's always better in the morning. lots of it has to do simply with life experience - I often say to myself "shut up nerd you always think this and it's literally never that bad." so again. therapy helped.

15 What kind of music do you listen to, if any? there's a reasonably wide range of genres I listen to but I tend to hyper focus on a small selection of artists/songs for long periods of time. like, abt every 2-3 years I have an "eminem month" and then I don't listen to him for a couple years, you know what I mean? but if I go the other way around, I'd say I //don't// listen to anything harder than linkin park, no house, edm, dnb, ska.. and I don't really know the contemporary pop either - no ed sheeran, no taylor, no sabrina carpenter for me. no shade, it just doesn't speak to me. and yes, sometimes it makes me feel like I live under a rock. but that rock is called oasis and I like it.

21 Is there someone who has significantly influenced your life? I'm gonna leave my mom out of this bc that's an obvious answer (and would be like 15k words) but first people to come to mind are two of the bosses that I've had at this job. Possibly first positive/healthy male authority figures I've ever had - them showing trust in me and my professional competence has truly been life changing and confidence building. Also being told "I like you so much as a friend!" by someome who (in my dumb head) only tolerated me, has been a paradigm shift. I think about that moment every time my brain is telling me people must, obviously, hate me.

thank you for asking! I had a lot of fun thinking about these ^_^