#left the wedding around 9:30 because the bride and groom did a 'fake goodbye' and I honestly wanted to be with my people

[coolasakuhncumber]

2022 in review

This year was hard. It feels like there have been a couple of hard years in a row hey.

Nick died. And it was really really hard. I guess technically he died in 2021, but I got the call on Friday 7 January and I've spent a lot of the year grieving and struggling with it. I met his mum and she's fantastic. I feel sad about this a lot.

I spent a solid amount of the year thinking I had cancer. It started with a bad back that led to a heart check that led to a lung tumour, then potential thyroid cancer, and likely coeliac disease. There's still a bunch of unknowns and lots of waiting. I don't feel good in this body, I don't trust it and the future it holds for me.

My heart is failing and it's scary to think that I'm going to need a fairly serious open heart surgery in the not too distant future. I think my parents will outlive me.

For the first time since 2016 I can say that I've only had the one job this year. But I've reported to 6 different managers during that time - at one point it was 3 at the same time and that's just not a good working model. I got found suitable for a promotion in January, but I had a few disappointments along the way and the promotion was only made official in September. I've officially entered low middle-management and I'm responsible for staff and their workload. It's an opportunity I've long desired but wow is it taking some learning to be ok trusting them to do their work and resisting the urge to micro manage everything ever. I know I want to be a leader who is approachable and considered and gets stuff done and I think I know where the gaps are between who I am now and who I want to be in the future state and I'm working towards achieving that.

I also had a stint acting as the team leader and it was HARD but a great opportunity and the experience is making me better at my substantive role. I've worked hard this year and the pay off has been good. I've finally got a manager who is the type of manager I've been seeking for YEARS. We've had the best two months together but I'm starting a new job on 3 January. I have a fear this is a stupid decision but I made it months ago and the new role will give me more experience in managing people, professional relationships, and I'll be expected to be in the same city as my family for a week every month or two. I'm excited! And I figure I need to trust myself and the opportunity and if it all turns out terribly, I'll come back to the job and manager I know and love.

I've learnt a lot about patience. Of trusting in God and his perfect timing. But I get frustrated in it. It's not an easy lesson to learn.

I've put effort into making my space more my own - I reupholstered my grandmother's chairs in my own taste. I battled decision fatigue. I have visions of what this apartment might look like in the future if I don't have my housemate. At this point in time, she wants to stay with me for another 2 years or so and right now that sounds good.

I've bought more dresses, and I'm wearing them. Finally both realising and accepting I've moved up a dress size has released me into new forms of fashion. Bodies change and being proud of still being able to fit into my year 12 formal dress for a decade after buying it was vain and silly. It's ok that I don't anymore.

I love my friends. One of the harder things this year was seeing two of them (the Pemily) fall out of love and break up. Emily moved to the exact other side of the country, but Georgia moved back. Laura has returned from London. Proximity is good. More people are having children. It's both a joy and a stab in the gut every time you hear the news, see the social media announcement. My housemate remains great. Paul and Ryan make me happy.

Duc had a rough year. There were job struggles and deaths and mental health challenges. Sometimes I think I just might marry this man. Sometimes I joke about rings. We're not on the same page about a few really key things but I think we're getting there. Or we will maybe get there. Sometimes he frustrates me. We spent a 9 day holiday to Cairns and Port Stephens together and it went well. He joined my family for Christmas for the first time and met some more of my hometown friends and I'm really glad we did that. I started the year with him and intend to finish it with him too.

Jay. I love Jay. I love Jay a lot. He loves me a lot too. On the odd ocassion we have some angst but generally it is simple and it is good.

One really good thing I did this year was keep my laptop out of my bed, and mostly out of my bedroom. Strongly recommend!

I'm not sure what I want 2023 to bring me that's particularly unique. Better health? Definitely. More adventures (a trip from Perth to Broome is in the early works)? Yeah. More time with people that I love. Let's say yes to that too.

I started the year standing on the grassy area outside my house, watching the fireworks announce the new year and I'm going to end it at a wedding hopefully watching those same Lake Burley Griffin fireworks. What a fantastic way to finish the year of 2023, by celebrating love!

edit: I ended up finishing the year dancing and waving sparklers around that grassy area outside my house while we recited Julia Gillard's Misogyny speech then sang along to the Jimmy Barnes version of Auld Lang Syne and watched fireworks crest above the trees.