#lately Rav has become this way too for me

[femmesandhoney]

music is good when you like really vibe w a singers voice and how they sing like it makes a difference than just casually thinking a song is catchy like their voice itself scratches an itch. best artists to discover

[finalgirlkateausten]

📚📚📚 (that’s right, three rounds s’il vous plait ;)

haha thank you for the triple ask! I'll give you the other two in separate posts. this is sort of a prequel to a s4 canon divergence fic I'm working on, and... I did not intend for it to get this long 😅 (this is for the pinterest ask game 👀)

PUT ME BACK TOGETHER AGAIN

Succession s4 canon divergence ~ kenrava ~ 1,213 words ~ rated M

He calls her once, twice, three times, after the funeral. Way after the funeral. It's late, so late that she could be asleep, could be legitimately missing his calls, but he doubts she would answer if she was awake.

And maybe this isn't the most logical next step, after that polite but implicit denial, but earlier that day he'd threatened to lay down in front of her car so he's not feeling fucking logical on the day of his dad's funeral and Roman is AWOL and Shiv is-- fucking pregnant? Maybe staying with Tom? Not a shoulder to lean on, at any rate, so Kendall dodges business partners and politicians and everyone else who wants to probe him about the GoJo deal or tell him how deeply fucking sorry they are and finally collapses into the backseat of his car.

He checks his watch.

Half past two in the morning.

He calls his driver anyway, Fikret is used to keeping up with his weirdass schedule, and asks him to take him upstate. In the time it takes him to arrive, he double checks with the security team he still has following Rava and the kids. Which, okay, he can see how that maybe could've been a little intimidating. But it tells him to head up the coast to Connecticut, and he feels a painful weight in his chest when he gives Fikret the address to the beach house he and Rava had picked out together sometime between their engagement and honeymoon. He really... he can't remember the last time he was there.

The drive takes less than two hours, and when Kendall looks at his watch and sees that it reads 4:30, he winces a little. Rava probably won't be thrilled that he's waking her up at this hour.

He has Fikret pull into the garage, because the code is the date they got engaged and it's the same for really every password they'd both needed to know. Never their wedding anniversary, interestingly enough. Rava had said, way back when, that that was too easy to find and guess. But it feels a little metaphorical now.

Kendall is leaning against the hood of the car, frowning at the door leading into the house and wondering if he can open the deadbolt with his mind, when it opens on its own. He only wonders if he's suddenly become a Jedi for about half a second before Rava appears, wearing an old R.E.M concert tee with just her underwear, her go-to pajamas for as long as he'd known her.

"Ken!?" Her voice is hoarse with sleep and he's making damn sure that his eyes are glued to hers and she runs a hand through her bedhead as she descends the stairs, stopping a good six feet away from him. "Why the fuck are you here?"

He swallows hard, unable to think of an all-encompassing answer. "...to apologize," he offers quietly. "I... Rav, I've been saying some fucked-up shit. And I don't know-- I barely know what's going on in my head half the time, let alone coming out my mouth. But I don't want to lose you."

She raises both eyebrows, hands on her hips. "It's a little late for that."

"No, I mean..." he really doesn't need a reminder that he's divorced. He's well aware of that on any given day. "What I was saying about making a play for custody. That-- that was stupid. You're a good mother, Rava, way fucking better than I am as a dad. I just needed to say that. I need you to know that I'm sorry, and that I-- I love you." He winces at the surprise and wariness that flash over her face. "In a-- you know. Divorced co-parents kind of way." He stares at her, swallowing hard, trying not to blink. He's never gotten over her, ever, doesn't she fucking know that?

"Even though I'm hysterical?" She smiles, a little viciously, and he can tell the more she wakes up the angrier he's getting, but he takes a step forward anyway, trying to get invited in instead of kicked out.

"I didn't want you to be freaking out," he tries. "I-- I wanted the kids at their grandfather's funeral, but in hindsight, I understand why you didn't, and it was probably good that they weren't there. You were right."

She lifts her chin, regarding him icily. "About...?"

Kendall bites back a huff. "I don't know, fucking-- everything? You were right that I needed to clean up my act for the kids and you were right that I didn't have the willpower to do it and you were right that one time you yelled at me that my dad didn't love me enough to fulfill any of his promises, because he didn't and now my whole life is a gaping hole and I'm fighting the Swedes for my birthright, and you were right to resist me trying to be for the kids what he was for me because he was a good business leader and a fucking shitty dad, but I was a shitty dad anyway, you were right about that too, and you were right when you said that if I drove you away I would regret it eventually." He nods jerkily. "I do. I do regret it. You're my fuckin' lighthouse, Rava. You always have been. I think I need you now worse than I ever have before."

She folds her arms over her chest. "That's too fucking bad."

He winces. "Yeah. I deserve that."

The silence stretches out before them, and everything feels fragile and breakable, and he tries to reach out without actually reaching for her, like that will lessen the sting of rejection. "Rava. What can I do to make it up to you?"

She sighs slowly. "Drive back to New York?"

He swallows hard. "Look, say the word and I will, but I really think we should talk."

"That's the problem, Kendall," Rava says through gritted teeth, stepping closer to him. "I don't-- I am sick and tired of listening to you talk. You're all bark and no bite, and you change your mind with the weather. I stopped believing most of what comes out of your mouth a year ago."

He reaches out, since she's getting closer, gently resting his hand on her arm. He doesn't want her to think he's trying to restrain her. "Then I could... crash in the guest room? Spend time with the kids tomorrow? Give you space, but still try to fix what I've fucked up this week?"

Rava closes her eyes, leans into him. "I-- I don't know, Kendall."

Gently, carefully, he reaches out to cup her cheek, his fingers brushing through her hair. "Please," he whispers. "Let me try."

She looks up at him. "Sophie's going to be worse than I am."

"I'm prepared for that," he murmurs. "What do you need, right now? While the kids are asleep?"

She steps back from him, looks him up and down. He thinks he recognizes the look in her eye, but surely--

And then Rava is kissing him, her hands around his neck, her body warm against his. She's shaking. Or he is.

Kendall closes his eyes and kisses her back.

[genesisrose74]

hi! do NOT get me thinking about late night drives with Daichi,,, I don't have the right mental capacity for that

NO BUT I AM GONNA DO JUST THAT RIGHT FUCKING NOW SHHH

The way Daichi isn’t usually one for impulse but he absolutely adores driving around at night and just going to random places with you, so it’s become more of a soothing habit that anything out of the blue. Literally anywhere you want to go, put it in the damn GPS.

Seven-Eleven snack haul. Going to a corner store that’s open at ungodly hours and ordering that one thing that no other place compares to. Traversing through the local grocery store and buying those small serving size ice creams to eat from the carton once you get home. Simply driving around the parts of town that look pretty all lit up at night with light music filtering through speakers and into the car. Just ask him if he wants to do anything in particular and the offer makes him happy enough - although you insist on going somewhere he wants because he always inquires as to what you’re interested in rather than himself.

If you go to a fast food spot and he’s driving y’all back to his place (his parents are usually out for the weekends on business and they adore you anyways so it’s become common for you to keep Dai company), he’ll give That Glance TM at a stoplight that basically means “feed me a french fry while they’re still warm pls”. You then laugh when he struggles to keep a long ass fry from falling out of his mouth when you concede dksjfks—

He has blankets. In his fucking car. All the time. Not anything old or kinda worn out either. Deadass Hallmark-level softness and quality, and you’re quick to wrap one around yourself in the passenger seat in the chillier portions of the evening. Did I mention that his car is clean? Really clean, super spacious, seat warmers and all that good shit. Giving off a dark gray Toyota Rav 4 vibes, but maybe that’s just me.

When he’s backing out of spaces he’ll do the thing where his arm rests around the back of the passenger seat!!! And he’ll put a hand over yours when he’s cruising down an emptier street or highway too.

Please have conversation with each other!! About school, extracurriculars, family and friends, etc. It could be any random topic and it easily becomes the beginnings of a solid conversation. It’s one of the best aspects about your relationship ngl, just being able to talk and talk about nothing forever. We love to see that good relationship shit 😌✨ way to go fam

In conclusion: late drives are Daichi’s thing and any time spent with him in the early hours of dusk are absolutely fucking immaculate. So comfortable and lovely, and the cute fluffy moments are only extended when y’all get home and unpack everything you’ve got left to work with. Falling asleep on his bed with a sitcom playing on TV and a half-melted pint of ice cream in hand, to later wake up and find the shenanigans of the night all organized as Daichi lay fast asleep, wrapped up in a blanket beside you as birdsong outside notifies you of daylight. Literally perfection.

[cheezritsu]

Atsumu Miya || Unravelling

[Uhn•rav•uhl] verb, informal. to take apart; undo; destroy

Warnings: implied sex, mentions of sex, quick depiction of self harming behaviors (not explicit.) Inspired by SZA’s Supermodel

It must be considered deviant and demonic how the constant the thud thud THUD! Rings out with an even pace in the hallway of Tokyo’s finest apartment complexes. If it weren’t for the fact that calling the police would no doubt result in a press field day none of the residents of Park Mansion Akasaka wanted, someone would have filed a noise complaint. It’s a shame they did not—perhaps there might be a certain clout that comes with exposing MSBY setter Miya Atsumu’s intimate life, but it would also have saved time, money, and tears in the long run.

But, the residents of the 9th floor could not see into the future. They were instead, attempting to mind their business and not be bothered by Miya trying to make back beats by fucking someone into a mattress.

That little comparison was Osamu’s first scathing critique, until he froze completely. The disgust melted into horror as he turned his head to his companion.

“Hey-,” he starts, but as he catches the expression, the words dry up.

Yes, it would have been nicer—no, merciful—if the residents of the 9th floor had called the police when this happened, if only to spare you from witnessing it yourself.

Your hands get so clammy, the plastic bag in your hand nearly slips out. You catch yourself before the beer bottles can shatter on the marble floor that costs more than your entire block. It’s an easy clean up, but it would probably be very sticky, and disastrous, you think. Almost as disastrous as—

It starts up again, rhythmic and constant like an orchestrated performance. You and Osamu are mere steps outside the apartment, and you can hear the manic, frayed screams coming from the walls. It sounds like they’re in pain; just the way Atsumu likes it.

“Y/N,” Osamu tries once again to get your attention. The pity in his voice is unmistakable, and you hate that of all the emotions the usually stoic twin shows you, this is the one he’s chosen. Pity. Sympathy.

“Guess that’s why he didn’t pick up the phone,” you remark casually, refusing to look Osamu in the eye. “I’ll just leave it by his door with a note.”

Osamu says your name, this time with a firm edge that demands attention. You don’t give it to him. You’re too busy trying not to actively throw the takeout and beer you bought out of your measly paycheck to help your friend (attachment, entanglement, dick appointment, are all better words than friend) feel better after a crushing defeat at the hands of the Saitama Spears. (Crushing, like his hands must be around her neck for the moans to sound so strangled.) No matter, you say to yourself, hands shaking as you send him a text. Something cute and sweet with a properly sickening amount of heart emojis, like any good (not quite) girlfriend would do. Whatever it takes.

Ignoring how the click of your heels mesh with the steady thrum of Atsumu’s two thousand yen headboard against his 100 million yen walls, you march back the exact way you came; down the white, sterile hallway and passed the doors that housed the rest of the 9th floor, who would, unknowingly, pay for the mistake of not asking the shameless Atsumu Miya to please, please keep his fucking at a tolerable volume. Fame and infamy come with perks, one supposes, but they also come with karma.

You’re not thinking of revenge, though. You’re wondering how you’ll make it to the elevator without completely coming apart at the seams. Something in you unravels, much like it might if Atsumu were playing you like the fool you were; perfectly manicured setter hands curling, scratching, plucking at all the right places. No, this unravelling is much slower, much more painful, as if the single thread that creates your existence is being snipped in half. When you push the call button for the elevator, you think the thread is severed completely, because you have to lean your head on the cold steel to steady yourself.

Osamu’s approaching footsteps really only register in the very depths of your mind. The heavy breathing doesn’t really sound like yours—how could it be anyways, when you were miles away from your body, floating in the ether like a ghost; forgotten, discarded, alone. Untethered.

You lift your head up only to bang it against the wall. The soft thud is reminiscent of the moment that just transpired, and you—subconsciously, like you were possessed—start bashing your forehead to the same piledriver waltz Atsumu had played.

“Y/N!” Pity. Bang! Worry. Bang! Sympathy. Bang! Could you crush your skull this way? The mystery woman’s screams tangle in your brain like an earworm, the salacious sounds on repeat. Bang!

When Osamu’s hand lands on your shoulders, it feels like he’s tethered your soul back into your body. You wrench yourself out of his grip.

“Don’t!-” you begin to scream, but you catch the look he gives you. His grey-brown eyes are wet with concern, darting between the growing red spot on your forehead to the watery snarl on your lips. You take a shuddering breath to keep the hysteria from bubbling into your tone. “Don’t touch me. I’m fine.”

Osamu doesn’t even raise an eyebrow in pretence. His mask of neutrality and sarcasm is completely gone, replaced with anger. “You were banging your head into the wall like a patient in a psych ward.”

“That’s unnecessarily stereotypical, Osamu. I thought you were better than that.”

Crossed arms. He’s seconds away from blowing his lid. “Yer not funny.”

You wonder what would happen if Osamu blanked on you in here. Would these good-for-nothing neighbors actually call the police then? What a headline: Miya twins apprehended in two separate noise complaints. Kita would probably stop sending Osamu rice out of embarrassment.

You don’t want to fight Osamu anyways. It’s not his fault that the bearer of his face is fucking another girl as you speak.

The elevator dings, and you step inside. It’s fortunately empty. Osamu stands right next to you, hovering like an overprotective parent. The chrome doors of the elevator slide shut and you’re face to face with your own reflection: hollow, sunken eyes the most expensive concealer can’t fix; posture hunched from years of slaving over work and school; nails short and busted from part time jobs that barely pay the bills. Nails that have been raked down the chiseled, marble back of a man who didn’t belong to you, and never did.

Her nails were probably nicer. Probably manicured. Maybe he paid for it. You can’t even see your nails anymore, because your head is in your hands, shielding your ugly cries from Osamu, who bears the face of the man who doesn’t love you.

“I should have just taken the fucking hint,” you sniffle, wiping the running eyeliner from the corner of your eye. “Shoulda left him alone.”

Osamu just hums. You wished it was anyone else but him. Osamu isn’t bad at a lot of things, but comfort was one of them. He just stares vacantly at the doors, a grimace replacing his usual thin lipped look, but other than that he appears unbothered.

And then, like he’s reading condolences off a list, he says: “I’m sorry.”

The words in their sincerity sound foreign on his tongue. With one big sniff you pull the thread keeping you together tightly, gathering yourself. “What’re you apologising for? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Sorry my brother is a complete piece of shit.”

“Well, we both knew that, didn’t we.”

Osamu can’t place what he dislikes about that phrase, but the elevator interrupts his thought process. The doors open to reveal one of the security guards eying you two up and down. His eyes narrow for a moment on Osamu’s face, and then dip down to yours.

“There a problem here, Miya-san?”

On any other day he might have pulled a fast one on this guard, but you promptly walk out of the elevator, leaving Osamu to follow your lead wordlessly. The world outside the Park Mansion Akasaka is still turning, still bustling with people catching trains home from work, their patent leather shoes from office jobs clicking on the sidewalk to a rhythm you can’t match. The thud of the salarymen’s briefcases hitting their legs echo like the headboard off Atsumu’s walls. It’s everywhere, everywhere, and your insides churn sickeningly.

You stop, one hand leaning against the glass. Osamu catches up, hands halting just before they reach your back. “Stop running away from me, name,” he says softly, exasperated. “I’m trying to help.”

“How long.”

Osamu blinks. “What?”

You’re nearly doubled over with nausea, your free hand pressed flat against your chest to keep your lungs compressing. “How long has he been with her?”

“I don’t know.”

“I swear to god, if you’re lying to me-“

“(Name) I would never do that to you.”

The promise doesn’t reassure you. Osamu runs a hand through his hair. “Look, I know this is a lot to take in right now. And I’m not going to say anything—“

“Like what?” You look at him over your shoulder, eyes squinted in malice. “Like I told you so?”

Your insolence is wearing out Osamu’s sliver of empathy. You’re unbearable like this, you know that, and Osamu is less tolerable than most. “Your words, not mine.”

“Your brother is cheating on me.”

“You’re not together.”

“There it is!” You let your head fall back in rumbling, humorless laughter. “I was waiting for that.”

“I don’t want to be a dick right now.”

“Too late, ‘Samu.” You haul yourself up, buttoning the front of your coat. “Go home, work on your winter menu. I’ll be fine.”

The statement is met with rightful skepticism, but when you start to walk away, Osamu doesn’t follow. You can’t decide whether or not this hurts, because the all encompassing pain finally registers to the rest of your body. You try to numb yourself, dissociating as every step towards home becomes a blur. Akasaka’s beautiful lights and towers fade into lesser Tokyo’s decrepit neighborhoods, with sketchy alleys and dimly lit streets. Your apartment complex is a shoebox to Atsumu’s tower residence, and it feels just as claustrophobic when you step into your crowded, tiny apartment.

It’s nicer than what your friends can afford, but that doesn’t make it any better. Your couch is also your bed, and your desk faces the window even though you can’t properly study this way. The kitchen is perpetually clean because you can’t cook anything in it. You’re sure the fridge is empty, but it’s fine, because you simply peel off your clothing and curl into a ball on your bed.

It’s not even late. You have work and assignments to do, but as you check the time on your phone, you’re immediately taken to your camera roll, where a picture from several days ago stares back at you mockingly.

It’s from his bathroom, the one that has a television screen by the bathtub, the one with hotel lighting that makes you look glowy and ethereal no matter what. You’re half dressed, in the middle of putting on your morning skincare when Atsumu comes up behind you, arms around your waist. Your face is obscured, but you remember how happy and loved you felt to have his lips pressed against your temple, the heat of his body in your side. How surrounded and safe and warm you felt.

But moments are as fleeting and fragile as glass. The illusion has been shattered, and you’re left in a cocoon of blankets nowhere near as satisfactory as his body heat, in a dark and dingy apartment you will probably stay in for the rest of your life.

Just as you’re about to set your alarm for the morning, a notification pops up. The sparkles around his name indicate that Atsumu has finally, finally texted you back.

✨T’sumu✨: sorry I missed you babe I was not in a good place

✨T’sumu✨: you got work tmrrw? You always know how to cheer me up

It’s as if your heart has been snatched out of your rib cage; your chest hollows and collapses as a sob hiccups in your throat. Something wet slides across your temple. It’s not Atsumu’s lips, not even close. You wipe the tears with the back of your hand, and throw your phone across the room.

It shatters.

[darklightsworld]

Another insta-read m/m novel recently: the fifth novel in the Mad Creek (How to Howl at the Moon) series by Eli Easton, How to Run with the Wolves. Devoured it yesterday - on the day of publication XD It was great with a tiny(?) but. You know the drill, long post, J key... Maybe I should make a Goodreads account and post there...

I love this series, the dog shifters are adorable and you can really feel the dogs in them. The series was supposed to end with volume 4, so it was a pleasant surprise to see a new book announced. Easton felt rightly that there were no more stories within Mad Creek, and this time she expanded the world of dog shifters with the discovery of an isolated and dying shifter pack in Alaska.

The plot is set a few years after the previous book, the distribution center is already established and going well. One of our protagonists is Zeus, a born quickened with Saint Bernard heritage, a shy giant who dislikes crowds and prefers to spend his time in the nature. He’s a childhood friend of Lance, and becomes a member of the Search and Rescue team (Sammy’s dream) lead by Matt, and they go to Alaska after a huge earthquake to help. While Zeus looks for survivors with Sammy he notices a gorgeous unknown quickened and he becomes intrigued by him. The gorgeous quickened is Timo, member of a tiny, isolated husky pack originating from sled dogs of the Inuit. Timo becomes fascinated with Zeus too, and goes as far as to lure him to his pack partially to help to save his pack - which eventually leads to a journey in search for a solution for the pack’s problem.

This books is quite different from the previous ones. Aside from the first one there was always a new quickened who had to learn about the way of human life and they were naturally lost and unsure. This time, however, Timo is a born quickened living in a pack with its own rules and he is also relatively used to human life, and although there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand, he is confident, prideful, borderline arrogant and even looks down upon humans. To be honest it was hard for me to get to like him, although I do see where Zeus’s fascination came from, and I also understand why Timo behaves the way his does, since he has lived in a pack with a strict peck order. Still, his demanding behavior, huge ego and obsession with alphas and submission and what not is tiring, especially because the change in him is slow - too slow, just not enough. I always had to remind myself that he’s a husky, and his behavior is probably related to that too. Zeus, on the other hand, is adorable, endearing, instant love, a very nice gentle giant and you can only root for him to find happiness <3333

The story is fascinating with creating the myth of the Alaskan quickened pack and Alaskan nature (they really run with wolves!!!), then the way Timo’s horizon broadens in Mad Creek, the problem and solution for the pack issues. A big plus is that we catch up on all the pairings. I liked Lance’s and Matt’s friendships with Zeus. It was also nice to see that Matt does not shy away from doggy skinship ^^ We got the most of Jason and Milo, Jason for the genetics and Milo as a helper on every level, but unfortunately we got the least from my fave pairing, Sammy and Rav - Sammy appeared in the beginning in the S&R team, and Rav shortly later, but not enough catching up with them :(

The book has one problem: the romance suffers big time due to the plot... Yes, they are fascinated with each other, the signs are there, and Zeus notices relatively early that he’s in love, but he doesn’t act on it, he rather removes himself, and Timo doesn’t notice anything, he doesn’t even consider the option. Homosexuality does not exist in his pack, would be a problem too, because his pack needs puppies, and even after he observes it in Mad Creek he does not consider it for himself until Zeus flips, then after some drama he does a 180° - around the 80% mark of the story. This is just... not enough, Zeus deserved a more satisfying romance. Too many things happen, the discovery of Mad Creek takes too many pages, Hitty’s issue was unnecessary at that length too (though I’m glad Simon was finally mated) - these could have been made more compact in favor of the romance. If there was something more obvious in Timo, like that type of attraction, longing or whatever, it would have been better, but like this it was too sudden and not enough. And since they get together too late in the story (I repeat, after 80%!) Zeus and Timo cannot really grow as a couple, so the part with their relationship ended with a huge not enough in me. Same for the sex, they were both new to that, so it would have needed a few more times with more discovery of their bodies, intimacy, giving pleasure and growing emotionally - I can’t help but compare this to the slow build-up emotionally and sexually between Rav and Sammy in the previous book and yeah, something like that would have been necessary here too.

The novel is a great read, it just needed a better balance of the plot. I’m happy that this was not the last of this series, and this book was actually the starting point of a spinoff series with the Alaskan pack! I can see the next pairing already with the pack alpha Yuki and Bruno from Mad Creek, fufufufufu, it will be great, there are already sparks flying, though not _those_ sparks yet, mind you XD I also hope that the pack can bond with the Inuit again, especially with that _handsome_ (you don’t call a nameless character handsome unless he will be important later XD) older guy who was pained that his dog was stolen by the pack. Btw that last scene with him was beautiful, and makes me hopeful that he will also be paired with a quickened. It was never made clear whether his stolen dog was a quickened or not, but if yes, it would be nice if he bonded with his lost dog who got the spark because of him, that would be lovely! So yeah, I can imagine at least two books. Easton also wrote in the afterword that she feels there might be one more book in Mad Creek - no idea between whom, but it would be nice :)

Anyway, looking forward to the next episode in 2020~

[builder051]

It just snowed again here lol so I feel the cold. Could you do a fic where Jason gets locked out of the apartment/apartment building (my apartment building has doors outside that you go through and if you don’t have the key you’re fucked) and Colby finds him? Maybe hypothermia for Jason?

The first day of the new semester is dedicated to working out kinks.  Jason knows that.  He doesn’t expect to receive any homework as he waltzes around campus, every class releasing early after a casual overview of the syllabus.  

One benefit of being a halfway through his junior year is the lighter schedule.  He’s only on campus twice a week now, but, as he’s quickly learning, the aforementioned lightness is subjective.  Tuesdays and Thursdays have him running from seminar to lecture to lab from 8 in the morning to 5 at night.  And those are start times.  It’s well past 7 when he finally trudges back to his car to drive home.  

“Flop day, my ass,” Jason mutters, turning on the radio and scanning until he finds something that isn’t a commercial.  He’d been irrationally proud of himself this morning, learning before the school day even commenced.  When I’m a teacher, he’d written across the top of the first page of a fresh spiral notebook, don’t start coursework on first day.  Set expectations.  Expect schedule changes.  Then he’d missed the professor’s introduction because he was too busy beating himself up over the two iterations of the word “expect” so close together.  

Jason can’t believe how tired he is.  Some of it is misinformation, his brain attempting to process his surroundings and doing it badly.  It’s barely past the dinner hour, but dark enough to be midnight.  He may not have any reading to do when he gets home, but he’s still been gone for more than 8 hours.  Exhaustion is a natural response, even if it isn’t helpful or expected.  

A flutter of panic runs through his stomach as he thinks of what’s in store for him tomorrow.  He’s starting his first run of student teaching, meeting his mentor and the principal of the local high school bright and early tomorrow morning.  Will he be able to get enough sleep?  It’s so late…

No, he reminds himself.  It’s not.  The car clock says it’s 7:26.  Twelve hours before he has to be somewhere again.  Twelve hours, what a relief.  Or should he be thinking only 12 hours?  Is that really enough time?  Does he have a shirt to wear that isn’t horribly wrinkled?  There’s enough time to iron, isn’t there?  Do they even have an iron?

And so it goes.  For almost half an hour.  Traffic is stop-and-go, a mix of late commuters and folks on their way to and from the smattering of restaurants ringing the campus.  Jason thinks about stopping to pick up something to eat, but he lacks the motivation to even pull into a drive-thru.  He’ll have to watch that.  make sure it doesn’t become a habit.

Eventually Jason reaches the parking lot of the apartment complex.  He pulls his Corolla besides Mike’s frosty Rav-4, proof that she’s been home for hours already.  If only he could count on her to cook dinner.  He laughs to himself, wishing Colby was the one who got off mid-afternoon.  But alas, his partner is stuck in the awkward phase of proving himself and working long shifts in between the holiday and regular retail seasons, while his stubborn sister is inside, probably reading with headphones on and oblivious to Jason’s imminent arrival.  Jason shakes his head.  At least Mike doesn’t take up much space.

He slings his bag over his shoulder and runs toward the building, skidding slightly on the ice around the edges of the lot.  He swipes the RFID fob on his keyring across the sensor situated on the other side of the glass door.  Jason doesn’t hear the requisite beep, but he assumes his chattering teeth have just drowned out the soft sound.  He hadn’t thought he’d need gloves and a hat when the only time he’d be spending outside would be spent walking briskly, but he wishes he had them now.  He reaches for the door handle and yanks, but it stays resolutely shut.

“The hell?” Jason mutters.  He swipes his keyring again, listening closely.  Again he hears only silence.  “Hm.”  He cups his hands around his eyes like binoculars and looks through the glass, trying to find the source of the problem.  It’s hard to see in the dark, but the kiosk with the sensor seems to be glowing with its usual pinprick of orange light.  

Jason swipes a third time, looking and listening this time.  Still nothing.  He gives the door a good smack with the pinky side of his fist.  The warm brightness shakes, and the jagged edges of something papery tremble into existence.  A leaf or a gum wrapper or something, trapped between the glass and the sensor, perfectly positioned to interrupt whatever invisible means the key fob uses to communicate with the kiosk.  

“Ugh.  Fuck.”  Jason smacks the door again, then stupidly pulls on the handle.  Hitting it won’t unlock it, he knows.  But the situation is frustrating.  Jason looses a few more choice words, then slowly pulls in a deep breath.  He blows out a cloud of steam.

There is a simple solution, though it’s mortifying.  Jason digs in his pocket for his phone to call Mike and ask to be let in.  He feels like a dog scratching at the door.  He taps his phone’s dark screen, but nothing happens.  At first he wonders if his mind is playing tricks again, since the door just pulled the same one, but then the realization hits him and his stomach turns to a bucket of ice.  He ran out of battery before stepping into his last class.  

It’s his own fault for leaving his headphones plugged in with Pandora streaming for an entire class period.  Jason tells himself he’ll carry a charger with him at all times from now on, but it does nothing to fix the current problem.  “God fucking dammit, Mike!” he yells, pacing back and forth in front of the door.  “Decide to go check the mail or something!”  

But she won’t.  Jason knows she won’t.  Mike is… lazy is the wrong word, but Jason’s shivering seems to be interrupting his thoughts with sharp spikes like those produced by a seismograph.  Sparing.  That’s more accurate.  If something isn’t her problem, she’ won’t volunteer to make it her problem.  Once she’s safely in the apartment for the night, there’s little chance Mike will step out of her bedroom, let alone the front door.  

They originally chose this complex for its safety features, but now Jason hates them.  The 10-foot brick wall surrounding the grid of row houses is too steep to scale, and if he tries, he’ll only mangle his fingers.  He imagines drops of blood running down his palms and freezing before they hit the ground.  Jason feels faintly nauseated.  If he pukes, that will probably freeze, too.  At least his stomach is empty.  

He wonders vaguely how long it takes to starve to death.  Then how long it takes to die of exposure.  If he gets back in his car, he might be warmer, but he’ll have to run the engine to run the heater.  Jason’s gas tank is rarely over half full, and today topping up was another activity on the list to do later.  Plus, people are more likely to see him up here by the door.  Someone will come in or out soon.  

It’s still early.  Right?  Jason checks his watch.  It’s almost 8.  Time for… what do they watch on Tuesdays?  He’s too cold.  He can’t think.  He bounces on the balls of his feet, vocalizing indistinctly and listening to his pitch change as it bounces off the glass and echoes back at him.

“What the hell are you doing?” a muffled voice asks.

Jason spins around to see a tall, slender figure, almost unrecognizable under a hat, scarf, and shabby parka.

“Ohmygod.” Jason feels faint with relief.  He trips toward Colby, unintentionally tackling him and sending him ass-first onto the pavement.  

“Whoa, ok.”  Colby says, his voice halfway between amused and concerned.  “Good to see you too.”  He clasps Jason’s hands between his mittens.  “What’cha doing out here?  Besides trying to give me a concussion”

“Freezing to death,” Jason breathes, burying his nose in Colby’s shoulder.

“You lose your keys or something?  Did you walk here?”  Colby looks around wildly.

“No,” Jason says, trying to determine if it’s worth it to explain.  His brain gets hung up halfway through.  “Did you walk here?”

“Nah, Gil dropped me off halfway down the block,” Colby says.  He uses his thumb to stroke Jason’s red nose.  “Who are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?  Since when are you worried about me before you’re worried about you?  Not that, like, that’s a bad thing.  It’s just a ‘you’ thing.”

“Sheesh.”  Jason tries to roll his eyes, but he feels faint again.  

“Here, let’s go inside.”  Colby starts to pull him up.

“No, you gotta, um, you gotta…”  Jason can’t stop stuttering.  “You gotta call Mike.”

“Why?”  Colby looks at him like he’s gone nuts.

“Don’t ask.  Long story.”  It’s not actually that long, but Jason shakes his head anyway.  “Just do it.”

“Ok?”  Colby takes off one mitten and pulls his phone out of his coat pocket.  “But I get the full explanation later, right?”

“Yeah,” Jason agrees without thinking.  “But call her fast.  I’m fucking cold.”

“You know, I would have never guessed,” Colby laughs as he dials and holds the device to his ear.

[waywardfacegarden]

Broken Souls

I’m trying to post this on Ao3 but I have tried to do it like 50 times and it doesn’t get posted, so. Okay. I’m gonna post it here.

This is the first chapter of a multi-fic to my friend @lesbiankankuro!!! I love you girl!! Happy Birthday!! You’re awesome!!

Summary: Who says soulmates stories have to be perfect? Who says everything will work out since the beginning? Who says it won't be hard and tough all the way until you finally meet them and after you meet them? Who says it will be easy?

Sasuke and Naruto. The not so conventional soulmates. The pretty boy, misterious, full of secrets, hide under couples of shadows; the favorite between the girls, prodigy and survivor of the prestigious Uchiha family and The 2007 Tragedy. And the fool, clumsy, clown of the classroom, dead-last. The newbie that came to town too late and that no one knows why. Full of secrets too, full of demons too.Sounds like a pretty unmatched pair, doesn't it?Their story is not perfect, not even near. But they're perfect for each other.

In a world where, in some way, the cosmic dust (the space matter, the one that composes you, the one that mixes with each fiber of your being), is impregnated like ink on your skin when another person cries because, inexplicably, the chemicals in your brain are connected to that other person, meet Sasuke. Meet Naruto.

The story of two broken souls who need each other to heal.

The story of two broken boys who find each other and fall in love.

Notes: Hey! First of all, this fanfic is dedicated to my friend Rav! She is totally amazing and today is her birthday! So if I can’t go and see her to give her a hug or something, at least I tried to write something! I love you, dipshit, you know! Thanks for everything you've done for me and I really hope you enjoy this! It's a long journey and I really don’t know if I'm doing this right, but I really tried! You know you are super special to me!

This originally started as a one-shot but, lucky me, it became too long and tedious to write in a single chapter, so I decided to expand it and write a multi-chapter! My first, in fact! I have everything planned and some scenes from other chapters written already, especially the last one, so I hope to finish it and update very soon! I don’t think it will be longer than 5 chapters. I hope so. However, the updates may not be as fast as I hope they are, because the school starts in a week and totally consumes me and I usually need a lot of time to write a single chapter. I worked hard in a week of holidays to be able to finish this alone. So, if I'm late, I apologize in advance and I hope you have patience! Thank you very much for understanding!

Like I said, it's my first fanfic of several chapters so I'm not sure what I'm doing with this. It is a soulmate au, like it says in the tags, a very unconventional one since the center of the story is that, but at the same time it’s not. If that makes any sense, hah. The fic will be more focused on how their relationship grows until they both realize that, in fact, they are soulmates in this crazy world. It's in my style (though I feel like is very different from my usual stuff) and probably very lazy and boring at first (and along until the end) but well! Here it is! And I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you for reading! Let me know your opinion in the comments!

(Sidenote: I have not written for a long time, so I am very rusty, sorry for the rustic and coarse writing style, I hope to improve as I continue.)

Clarifications: I have no idea how the Japanese educational system works, neither a school in Japan, and, although I know I could certainly have researched, I was more comfortable handling the system in America, since it is more familiar to me. I hope it doesn’t bother you.

The school cycles managed here are semi-annual, as in my school, and they cover from August to December and from February to the beginning of June (based on my school located in Mexico, I apologize if there are confusions).

The name of the Annual Konoha Tournament is "will of fire" in Japanese, but because my Japanese is terrible and I have no knowledge of it I used a translator. Correct me if there is an error, thank you.

Obviously Konoha doesn’t exist in real life, but I have decided that in this world Konoha exists and is a semi-Asian county located in some state of America after the agreement made in the "Civil War of Japan" and vs USA in the Second War World in 1945. (Obviously all this is a mixture of real story and fiction /more fiction/ but I hope it's not confusing for any of you!)

Madara’s death (who dies before Hashirama) according to wiki is still unknown and there are no official dates, but I needed it to be by that date, so it was the one I used (this can be confusing but you will all know what I’m talking about when you start reading!)

Excuse my vague knowledge of sports and martial arts too. I did what I could.

The huge amount of parallels with the canon is because I love doing that, heh. I hope it doesn’t bother you and I hope there is not much ooc around here! I really tried to make it as close as possible to their characterization in canon!

Any question about something that is not understandable is received! I'll gladly answer unless I know it's a spoiler! Thanks again for reading!Oh! And! Also! English is not my first language and this not beta-it, so. Sorry for any grammar mistakes guys! I tried my best!

Prologue.

Around the world, along with the time, there have been said and discussed endless things about the soulmates. It is talked about in science, mathematics, astronomy and its respective branches. Spiritually or even religiously. Is talked about energy, the universe, the cosmos. About atoms, chemicals, magnetism. How it is mathematically and scientifically impossible, even stupid. Is talked about angels and souls and reincarnations. About other worlds and parallel universes and particles. About other lives, past lives, cosmic or spiritual or astral connections. Is talked about the creation of the world. About God.

It is explained or refuted by crazy and gimmicky and outlandish and incoherent theories and ramblings. They shout and murmur arguments and essays and thousands of letters and facts and words and ideas.

The truth is, though, the concept of soulmates is controversial. Credible, not credible. Coherent, logical, inexplicable. Crazy, stupid, meaningless, wonderful.

It's all those things.

A soulmate is a crazy concept. Wild. Brilliant. Wonderful. Unbelievable.

But it exists.

In a world.

In this world.

In a world where, in some way, the cosmic dust (the space matter, the one that composes you, the one that mixes with each fiber of your being), is impregnated like ink on your skin when another person cries because, inexplicably, the chemicals in your brain are connected to that other person, the concept of soulmates is not impossible.

Unpredictable. Crazy. Inexplicable. Probably even ridiculous.

But possible.

.

Not everyone has one.

A soulmate.

Others have it but it died a long time ago. Years ago.

Others have it and it still is not born when they come into the world.

Others have two.

Sometimes, soulmates don’t like each other like that; but they work, they connect, in another way. They have a role in each other’s lives. They are attracted to each other and they turn and dance around for their whole life until they meet because they work like a magnetic field and powdered iron.

It's complicated.

It's not as easy as they paint it in the movies.

Comments fly and they become dust and travel and the world hears them.

“You don’t understand your soulmate all the time and it doesn’t work as you always think.” They say. “Sometimes it is not what you expect. Sometimes it is much more complicated than it seems. Sometimes they just don’t connect the way you would want them to. Sometimes life revolves and they die and you never get to see each other.” They whisper. They scream.

Sometimes you two never meet.

It's strange.

It's hard.

It's new and it turns your stomach in a knot and you feel your head spinning and you feel on the peak of a cliff about to fall.

It is much deeper than a simple word or concept or explanation allows you to see.

.

A soulmate is not exactly what you want. It is what you need.

It is the gift of the universe to you.

.

Naruto longs for a soulmate.

With all the problems.

With all the smiles and laughter.

With everything.

.

Ero Sennin tells him stories about soulmates all the time. He tells him how it feels to have one and how it feels the ink that bathes your skin. He shows him the flowers that fill his wrists and dance between his fingers. He tells him how his parents were kindred spirits and shows him pictures of them smiling side by side.

Naruto asks questions. Naruto observes.

Naruto looks at how he looks at Baa-chan with dreamy, dazzling and dancing eyes and doesn’t understand it at all. He looks at him as he smiles at her with soft edges and looks perhaps too long at the way she picks up her hair or the way she sits or the way she laughs. He looks at him while he keeps looking at her while she is not looking back.

He silently watches him as he pursues her and tries to make her laugh. He watches him try so hard.

He watches him smile brightly as he looks at his flowers.

And he looks while Baa-chan only looks sad when looking at hers.

Distant. Taciturn.

He looks and doesn’t understand it.

Until he does.

Years later.

.

The first time his soulmate cries, the sky does too.

The first time his skin fills with swirls of colors and the ink marks his right wrist with delicate strokes, the sky is screaming.

It rains outside. It rains like it hasn’t rained in months. The sky is dark and the clouds dance in the sky like giant cottons bathed in a pale gray. It's raining and Naruto is only five years old and the world revolves a little around him.

He can feel it burn on his skin. The way the ink burns and itches on the back of his wrist. It hurts a little. Not too much, but enough to notice. It leaves a stinging after the flower is outlined on his skin. The petals touching part of his hand, the center at the point where it connects with his arm.

It is bright blue.

It is pretty.

His soulmate should be very pretty too.

.

His first flower is a rose.

A blue rose.

.

His knees sting a little when he falls into the ground. There are tears that threaten to fall on the edge of his eyes, and everything looks very blurry, but Naruto rubs his small fist hard on his eyelids and forces himself not to let them fall. He pushes himself to his feet and two seconds later there is a foot that is pushing him back towards the ground.

There is laughter around him and the children say cruel things as they kick the dirt out of the yard in his face, in his eyes.

Everything is very blurry. And it hurts. On his chest, on the trail of blood that falls on his knees. But more than anything, he is angry.

Naruto screams back, Naruto screams back as they laugh at him, but the others don’t listen to it. He screams, the anger bubbling in the back of his throat, because it bothers him, because it's unfair, and because he's going to kick everybody's ass, they're going to see, he's going to—

They laugh at him.

They laugh and laugh and laugh and the laughter echoes inside the walls of his mind and it hurts.

It hurts, and it bothers him that it hurts.

He keeps screaming even when the kids have left, with their mocking smiles and their faces of disgust and their eyes that reject him, that judge him, that consume him.

And it hurts, but it is more anger (that burns, that ravages everything inside of him) than pain.

He clenches his fists, he stands up. The kids are no longer there but his face still has dirt and the warm blood continues to slide slowly below his knees.

Adults who walk around send him harsh, disgusted looks over their shoulders, as if he were something unpleasant in the middle of their path.

They don’t help him.

They never do.

And he comes home with a new scratch and a new bruise and more pain and anger that makes a hole in his chest and rumbles throughout his body. And there is the angry look on Baa-chan’s face, not with him, but with others, dying in concern as she carefully cleans his wounds. There is Ero-sennin again, trying to smile without the smile reaching his eyes.

And it happens again.

And again and again and again and again.

.

For a long time, Naruto doesn’t understand why everyone looks at him that way. With disdain, with mockery, with disgust.

He doesn’t understand why they hate him.

He didn’t do anything, did he?

For a long time, Naruto feels angry. Feels pain.

.

The world is hard. It makes you fall and it drags you on your feet a couple of times.

Naruto knows it since an early age. He savors it in his mouth.

But if there is something that Baa-chan and Ero-sennin have taught him, if there is something that his own spirit has taught him, it is to keep his head held high. It is to resist breaking, even when the world is breaking you with everything it has to push you down.

So he does it. He gets up again and fights back and doesn’t cry in front of others, even if it hurts.

Over time, he also stops crying in solitude.

Over time, he learns to not feel so alone. He learns to never give up.

.

The second flower appears in his skin when he’s six years old. It is painted on his left arm this time, just right in the inner elbow.

It is also blue.

It is also beautiful.

.

There is a shower, a spate of flowers a few months after he’s seven years old.

On his back, on his stomach, on his shoulders, on one of his collarbones.

They are all blue. Of different sizes, different petals, different pain.

They are all beautiful and pretty too.

.

The shower of flowers stops when he turns eight.

No flower even shows up again.

Not in weeks, not in months, not in years.

Until it does again.

When he’s fifteen.

.

.

.

.

1.

Looking back, Sasuke always had something that attracted Naruto in an almost inexplicable way. Whether it was in a negative or positive way, there was always something about him that caught Naruto's attention as the magnet attracted the metal. Since the beginning. And looking back again, Naruto seemed to attract Sasuke somehow as well. Both circulating and dancing around each other even without the other knowing, consciously and unconsciously.

So maybe it's not that weird. Maybe a part of him always knew and the other was denying it.

.

.

"Baka, that's my seat!" When Naruto looks up, with his chin still resting on his crossed arms in the desk, he meets some familiar, pretty, big green eyes and soft pink hair falling in waves behind thin shoulders.

"Sakura!" He can hear the tinge of hope, happy and sparkling, tinting his own voice as he raises his head to where she is crouching. Her green eyes move with annoyance towards him and her crossed arms tighten on her chest as she begins to rattle the ground with one of her feet. It's an habit she has when she's irritated, Naruto knows it.

"I said, you're in my seat, baka, move."

Naruto is about to answer about how beautiful she looks with that new ribbon when a shrill voice echoes behind them.

"Excuse me, did I hear well? Did you say that this is your seat? It seems that your big forehead is finally affecting you, Sakura, because I think that's my seat."

Sakura raises her eyes to where the blonde girl looks at her with a mocking smile behind him. Naruto can see the murderous aura that begins to emerge in wisps of steam out of her; one of her strands of pink hair falling carelessly over her face. His long fingers twitch in fists at the sides of her body and Naruto hears her growl "Ino" in a tone that reminds him of long nails making contact when sweeping over a chalk board and (as much as he did not want to compare the girl of his dreams with an animal) probably to the low growl that a wolf or lion makes when it has located its prey (or in other words: strident, dangerous, a little alarming) before leaning over Naruto's head and clash her forehead with the other girl’s, who continues smiling, without flinching in the least.

"This is my seat, Ino-pig."

"I don’t see your name written on it."

It's amazing how one's voice can sound so annoying and the other so sparkling. Ino seems to enjoy every time she makes Sakura angry. She even seems happier now that she has a smoking Sakura a centimeter from her face. Her blue eyes shine amused.

"Ugh," Sakura groans. "You only want it because I want it! What is your problem?"

Ino does not take her eyes off of her. Her smile does not waver, not even a little, but it takes a more crooked turn when she says:

"You only want it because Sasuke is next to it."

At the mention of the bastard, Naruto collapses a little on his seat. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. Why does everything have to do with him? Why would someone want to sit next to him? Why does Sakura want to sit next to him? What does everyone see in him?

"Hey! If they are fighting for the place next to Sasuke, then I got here first, so technically..." begins to say a girl whom Naruto does not remember her name.

"I arrived before you! The place next to Sasuke is mine then!"

Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke.

What the hell do the girls see in him?

Naruto keeps thinking, annoyed, and doesn’t realize that he has stood up and is grunting inconsistencies between his teeth until Sasuke's dark eyes look straight at him.

Huh? Why is him so close? When did he get there? Why is he in front of Sasuke's seat so suddenly? When did he stand up?

Stupid Sasuke. It makes his brain stop working well.

"Any problem, dobe?"

The way he says the nickname is almost condescending, and that's another problem (another, besides his stupid hair with the shape of a duck tail and his stupid pretty-boy-face and his stupid eyes that are always looking at you like he’s better than you and his countless list of stupid things in which, in fact, he was better than him, the bastard), Sasuke likes to provoke him. He likes to make him angry. For some reason. What is, if not, the explanation that he is always calling him silly nicknames and showing off that he is better than him in everything? (Because yes, he does show off that he is better than him. Someone can’t be that perfect at everything and not expect that the worst in class to notice and humiliate himself in front of everyone. Sasuke had to be winning in everything in order to make him feel bad, is obvious.)

"Teme..." he growls, hands hard on his desk as he leans towards him. He challenges him with his eyes. He does not even know what he's exactly challenging him to, but he must be challenging something, right? That's what rivals do. And Sasuke is Naruto's rival self-proclaimed by Naruto himself, so yes, he must be challenging him to something, whatever it is.

But of course, Sasuke doesn’t even back up a bit. Not an inch, not a millimeter, and his eyes are implacable, inflexible, untamable. They don’t give in or falter or hesitate; fixed on him as if they want to engrave something there where they look.

"Naruto! Stop looking at Sasuke like that!"

"Baka! Get away from him!"

"Teach him a lesson, Sasuke!"

Naruto barely registers the voices that scream and begin to explode around him when they realize the fight of looks in which they are. For some reason, the only thing he can focus on is Sasuke and the feeling that begins to flow through his veins, through his skin. It happens every time he has to compete with the bastard. It's strange. In addition to the irritation and annoyance and anger that he makes him feel... Sasuke also lights that other thing inside of him. The adrenaline. Raw and hot that begins to bubble inside of him. That makes him want to fight and compete with him all the time.

But then. Then it happens.

The detonator.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I hit you?"

Pulling the trigger.

Everything stops. Because Sasuke is right in front of him and Naruto moves so fast until he closes the small distance between them and collides with him.

And they kiss.

It lasts a very short time (although little more than acceptable, but he was surprised, okay? Give him a break) and is clumsy and without technique and Sasuke's lips are cracked against his own (points for getting something in which he is not perfect, points less for the way he got it). You can see his eyes expand a fraction before returning to his normal size, and his lashes flap, long, of the color of ink, above his pale eyelids. His skin is very pale.

The room is silent. Cloudy silence.

The kind of silence that is there before a storm breaks out.

The kind of calm is there before a hurricane.

And there is a hurricane.

The moment they manage to react, the moment Naruto manages to make his brain work again and break back (too fast, too abrupt. No lying, his neck actually cracks a bit), everything is still, as if any sudden movement can break the fragile ice on which they hang.

Sasuke looks at him.

He does not seem angry or annoyed or irritated or happy or... nothing.

He just looks at him. Stares at him.

And Naruto swears he seems a bit surprised, even confused, but before he can discern what might be going through his head, the murderous aura that he felt emanate from Sakura's pores a few moments ago comes back in waves much stronger and falls straight on him. His skin bristles.

Looking to the side, a group of girls are looking at him as if they want to tear off every limb of his body and eat it later.

Sakura is in the center.

The warning of danger that begins to ring loudly in his brain is enough to break— anything strange that was there before.

"Naruto! I should have been Sasuke's first kiss!"

Oh no.

And for some reason, that is just the moment when things start to change.

.

Don’t misunderstand. Sasuke was already an annoying, smug bastard with a stupid hairstyle before the kiss, but now Naruto feels that weird thing in his stomach every time he is too close to him.

Is annoying.

It makes him more angry.

He supposes that it is disgust in some way, because that kiss was Sakura's. Sasuke had no right to take it.

But whatever it is, whatever it was, Sasuke is his first kiss, and that irritates him (maybe much more than it should) a lot.

Sasuke Uchiha is his first kiss.

Just thinking about it stirs his stomach strangely.

God damn.

Sasuke is already better than him in everything (in the classes, in P.E., in the art club, the martial arts club, the literature club… even his eyesight is better, his stupid eyes that can see the letters of the poster on the other side of the soccer field), even if it costs him and it bothers him to admit it.

Did he also have to take this from him?

That bastard.

.

.

Iruka sensei hates him.

It's a fact, and it hurts, because Naruto believed that Iruka was one of the few teachers who really treated him well and even appreciated him. (He even took him to lunch at Ichiraku the first time he got a B on one exam. No one teacher had ever done that except him.)

Naruto trusted him.

He was wrong.

It's not like that. Iruka sensei hates him, and the day Naruto realizes it is the day when Iruka sensei commits the greatest possible betrayal.

The day he assigns the teams for the final science project of that year. The project that is worth 90% of his final grade and the project that, if he doesn’t pass with at least a C, he will have to repeat the school year.

Yes, the tragic day when Iruka sensei betrays his trust.

"... Team Six is​​..." He is saying, with his soothing voice echoing in the room, while Naruto thinks, still without knowing about the utter betrayal, "Awesome! He hasn’t named Sakura-chan yet, so he can still put me on the same team as her. I hope I’m with her. Really! With her and... well, it doesn’t really matter, as long as is not Sasuke."

"… Team seven is Uzumaki Naruto," he continues, breaking Naruto's thoughts for a moment. Hope bubbles within him and then, "... Haruno Sakura ..." Yes! Believe it! Naruto raises his hands in his seat while Sakura's head falls. Naruto doesn’t pay attention to it even if she is in front of him because he is busy celebrating in his head. Iruka sensei is the best! Iruka sensei loves me! Iruka sensei is...! (wait for it) "... And Uchiha Sasuke." (There it is, betrayal.) Iruka sensei hates me! He thinks, as he deflates in his seat, while Sakura jumps in front of him.

"Yes! In your face Ino!" She shouts, pointing a finger at the girl who just looks at her with crossed arms and rolls her eyes.

Iruka sensei gestures for Sakura to sit down. She obeys, and he is about to continue naming the teams, but Naruto gets up from his seat and points an accusing finger at the boy who seems as imperturbable as ever, with his hands joined in front of his mouth in an annoying habit that he has.

The dark eyes look at him out of the corner of his eye and his eyebrow raises a little, and that makes Naruto even more irritate.

"Naruto..."

"Iruka sensei!" He interrupts. "Why do I have to be on the same team with a liver like him?!"

Immediately, before the professor can silence them, the comments begin to float around him.

"Liver?"

"He doesn’t even know how to insult properly."

"I would like to eat liver. The one my mom prepares is..."

"How troublesome."

"What a fool he is."

"Sasuke doesn’t deserve to be on the same team as him."

"Tch."

Iruka seems about to collapse when he rubs the temples of his head with one hand and asks for silence.

"Naruto," he says, in a tone of sermon-activated, (as if he was not the one to blame for Naruto fair complains), "Sasuke had the best grade the last partial, and you had the worst..." there are giggles around him when he says, but Iruka continues anyway, "... I did it like that so it would be balanced."

Naruto stays there, gaping before dropping into his seat again, resigned. Growling low in his throat, complaining about stupid pretty boys with better grades than him.

So yes, Iruka sensei hates him. Because there's no way he can appreciate Naruto and put him on the same team as him. It's like putting Sakura and Ino together. It’s just wrong in every single possible way.

.

.

Sasuke, Sakura and he meet for the first time in the school library at five in the afternoon, two days after Iruka announced the teams, to start working on their science project.

Sakura is already sitting there when Naruto comes in (he recognizes her shiny hair in an instant), in a chair on the table next to the shelf with the letter F and the huge window on one side of the wall. She has her hair pulled back in a cherry-colored ribbon and a pink dress that matches her hair. His bright green eyes look up from the thick book she is reading when she hears the footsteps approaching.

There is no trace of Sasuke.

Naruto waves at her. She frowns.

"Saku..."

"You're late," she says, squeezing her fingers into the book she holds while Naruto drops into the chair next to her.

He wrinkles his nose.

"Sasuke is not here either!" Naruto says, indignant, because it's true. "I arrived…!"

"Silence!" The librarian shouts at him from the space she peeks out in counter. The voice is strong and authoritative. Naruto shrugs back in his seat.

"... earlier." He completes, in a quieter voice, though he still has a frown on his face.

Sakura rolls her eyes. "Sasuke is not late, he's just..."

"Did you find what I asked for, Sakura?" Interrupts a familiar voice behind him. Naruto turns around to stick out his tongue, but Sasuke ignores him anyway with not more than a little frown.

Sakura stutters a little.

"I— uh— I was looking for it but..."

"It's okay." Sasuke sits in the other chair and opens the book he's carrying in his hands. He pushes it a little towards the center so that his two classmates can see it.

The title “How to make an electromagnet?” is read with cursive letters in the cover. Naruto grimaces. Too complicated. How does Sasuke expect him to pass if he doesn’t even understand what they're supposed to do?

"I was explaining to Sakura that as we are seeing atmospheric or natural phenomena the teacher asked for an experiment on that. I thought maybe..."

"Magnets are not natural things! I'm not that stupid!"

"Dobe..."

"Don’t interrupt Sasuke, Naruto!"

"But…!"

"Silence!" Is heard on the other side of the room.

Sakura and Naruto shrink, Sasuke grimaces.

"As I was saying, I was thinking that we could make a tornado of fog or sand in a container. It is not as complicated as it seems, but for that we need to make an electromagnet first. Sakura thought it was okay, but..."

"You're not even asking for my opinion!"

"Lower your voice, baka, and stop arguing with Sasuke." Sakura hisses.

Sasuke pulls his lips to the side. Frowns.  He looks irritated. "Hn. It's fine, dobe, what..."

"Don’t call me that! I'm not a loser! You think I’m one but I’m not!"

"Naruto! Lower your voice!"

"But Sakura, he..."

"Just say your idea, baka, he just said he’s going to listen to it. Even if it's stupid," she says, sounding irritated.

Sasuke glances at her.

Naruto grimaces.

"Well, wouldn’t it be easier to make just a volcano or something?"

"That idea is stupid, Naruto. Stop being so useless."

Naruto collapses a little on the table. His voice comes out as a hurt mutter when he speaks. "That hurts, Sakura-chan..."

"Well, it's the truth!" She says, with the same tinge of irritation bathing the edge of her voice.

Sasuke frowns. He looks at Sakura as if he wanted to say something to her, but he squeezes his lips and looks at Naruto instead.

"That idea is very basic, dobe. Is probably most in the classroom would do it."

"So what? What really matters is that we do the best one, not how many there are! You'll see, Uzumaki Naruto will make the best volcano that...!"

"Ugh, Naruto, you're so loud," Sakura complains. "Why do you never listen to Sasuke-kun? He…"

Naruto collapses back in the seat. Sasuke actually seems a little annoyed at the way Sakura starts talking too sweet and squeaky and leans towards him.

"Sakura, that's enough, you're also as annoying as he is. Probably more." He says, in an irritated tone.

She recoils from where she is clinging into his arm, her lips twisted down, her cheeks turning red. If it was not because her eyes are shining as if she were about to cry and her expression was so hurt, Naruto would be or laughing at how the Great Awesome Sasuke Uchiha lost his control and reacted like an common irritated teenager or complaining because he just said he was annoying (not as if it's something new for Naruto, he knows that Sasuke thinks he's annoying anyway, they have a lot of clubs together and every time Naruto calls him a bastard or an idiot, Sasuke responds with dobe or clumsy or irritating or, worst of all, one which he doesn’t even know what it means, usuratonkachi, what kind of people say such long insults?), but he will not do either of them because Sakura is about to cry.

"Bastard..." he growls, as he watches Sakura starting to cry. Sasuke raises an eyebrow at him, "what kind of...!"

Before he can throw himself at him, there is something holding him from behind. He starts throwing fists in the air trying to break free. Sasuke keeps looking at him as if he expected him to suddenly get free and start attacking him. Sakura wipes her eyes, she looks embarrassed, and immediately says:

"Sorry, Naruto is..." She starts, but something in the lady's face must stop her, because she closes her lips and bends her head in apology.

"I want you three out of the library."

"But...!" Naruto starts to protest.

"Out."

Sasuke and Sakura collect their things while the librarian takes Naruto's backpack with one hand and drags him with the other.

"Look what you did, Naruto!" Sakura shouts, when they are already outside.

"He started it!"

"Hn."

"Bastard!"

"Stop being so vulgar, Naruto!"

.

Their first time as a team does not start very well.

.

That same afternoon, while the shower water runs through his skin and Naruto can carefully inspect every corner of his body, he realizes something.

Sakura cried that same day.

Sakura cried that same day and Naruto doesn’t have any new flowers painted on her skin.

Sakura is not her soulmate.

It hurts a little more than it should.

.

.

The next day, Ino doesn’t stop looking at Sakura throughout the class. It's strange. In a way, it's like she knows what happened. Naruto wonders if Sakura talked to her about it.

He watches her carefully all day anyway, because he doesn’t know his intentions and Sakura has cried just yesterday, she doesn’t need someone else being rude to her.

Sakura may not be her soulmate, but Naruto still likes her, a lot, and he will do anything to keep her away from feeling bad. He knows that, from the bottom of his heart.

.

That same afternoon, they meet again in the library.

They argue again.

Sakura doesn’t cry this time, but Sasuke and Naruto argue so loudly that the people at other tables begin to shut them up. (More like Naruto screaming and Sasuke saying "hn" every time, which irritates him even more).

They are taken out of the library again.

.

.

The third time, they decide to start doing the work outside the library this time, instead of inside.

It makes things improves a little. At least this time they are already outside.

.

.

March arrives and with it comes the beautiful and fresh spring and, with it, the famous annual event of Konoha: The Martial Arts Demonstration Tournament "火 の ��志". Name inspired by the spirit and soul with which the co-founders of Konoha (and also founders of the event) worked, Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha.

The Academy, where he studies, is well known for its high scores and for the biggest number of first places won of all the schools that participate in the event at a state level.

Each year, the event is recorded and televised by ESPN and other channels and sports chains on April 16, in honor of the day one of the founders died. It is seen and known throughout the country, broadcast even on several foreign channels. It is an important event where students of second and third and last grade usually participate in order to obtain scholarships or be more recognized in the industry of this type of sports.

Naruto knows that his godfather Jiraiya participated in Japan's famous Civil War when he was younger, before starting with his trivial and stereotypical saga of adult novels (no, Tsunade, it's not cheap and denigrating pornography, it's high class literature with scenes that explore sexuality openly) just like his parents in their last years before moving to America. He was a trained ninja who fought against and beside wise samurai who trained him hard. It's something that Naruto always aspired to be when he was a child and Ero-Sennin told him stories of his adventures and his amazing, big deeds and feats with Baa-chan and the old man who likes snakes. The three of them were (and are) literally legends who fought on the fronts and saw the best and worst things in the war. Known as classic war heroes: a talented young man with deadly skills, knowledge of someone who you would think has lived a hundred years, strategic, a little cruel, sinister and mysterious; a diplomat, beautiful, incredibly strong and intelligent kunoichi with the most impressive medical knowledge and skills; and finally a kind and charismatic young man, famous among women, strong and clever and cunning. Peace symbols known among all clans. The three born leaders. The three forts. The Big Three. Veterans. Survivors. Now a successful businessman, the head running behind the Department of Hospitals all around the state and a famous writer. His own father was a student of Ero-Sennin and was known as The Yellow Flash since his very early beginnings for his speed, and fast strategic plans that guided his side to victory in the last years of war. His mother, Kushina, was known as well as the "Red Hot-Blooded Habanero". She was a general of troops; she was intense, passionate, impulsive, strong and temperamental, along with a lot of other things. She had a record of battles won as well.

In other words, Naruto carries it in his blood. The action. The passion for Martial Arts. He always enjoyed watching the tournament on television, even from a very young age, and since he moved to Konoha last year he has been training hard at the martial arts club for it.

Being born from the coolest people doesn’t mean that he was born with the skills, though, even if he had the blood and the potential. Naruto is clumsy and absent-minded and lose focus very fast. But he is more determined than everyone in his class. He’s stubborn and strong and smarter than he is given credit for. Since the beginning, he has trained harder than anyone to improve. To prove himself. To prove that he can be better than everyone, even Sasuke. And from being absolutely lousy, he feels he has an opportunity to be selected in the tournament this time.

Usually, first-year students are considered novices, and because of that, they are not allowed to participate, but this year is the 100th anniversary, and (as in the previous year) they will make an exception if they are good enough to be qualified in the internal preliminaries.

Naruto seriously wants to take the opportunity.

Last year he was a novice, he was new, and his technique was fatal, but now he has improved a lot.

He feels ready for it.

So when his eccentric professor in a too-flashy green leotard passes them a list at the club that afternoon to sign up those who want to be in the preliminaries, Naruto does not hesitate a second to write down his name. His careless calligraphy is just below the neat, clean handwriting that paints the name "Sasuke Uchiha." Hah.

After the class is over, the teacher reads the names that are written on the list and makes them stay a moment later to give them a motivational speech. He gives them a thumb up and speaks too loudly while there are tears in his eyes and gives a speech about the "passionate and flourishing youth of Konoha". Naruto doesn’t understand most of what he says, but he appreciates it.

He feels motivated, in fact.

However, things go awry.

As he is leaving the gym, he can hear the annoying, noisy and scandalous voice of the dirty, careless, dog-loving Kiba Inuzuka barking (yes, barking) derisively:

"So the loser decided to sign up? You're stupider than I thought, Uzumaki."

Naruto clenches his fists as he turns to face him.

"I'm going to kick your ass, dog's breath!"

Kiba smiles with his sharp teeth and mocks him. "If you go against me, you're going to wish that you never wrote your name on that thing." He says, and laughs. He turns around before Naruto can even answer, and Naruto clenches his fists and feels his anger boil inside of him.

"I’ll show you how wrong you are!" He shouts.

Kiba laughs again, without turning around, and makes a sign in the air with his hand, as if he is belittling Naruto's threat, as if he didn’t give a damn. It makes Naruto boil even more. "You’ll see!" He roars. He turns around and looks at some of his teammates, including Sasuke Uchiha watching. "All of you!" He shouts. "And you too, bastard! Even more than everyone here! I will kick your ass!" He threats, pointing his finger and pressing the tip into his chest. Sasuke doesn’t back down at all, (no surprise), even if Naruto's face is very close to his. His eyes look down at Naruto's finger, and then they go up to look at him straight in the eyes. He raises an eyebrow. His mouth curves a bit.

"Tch. All right, moron." He says, as if Naruto’s words were nothing.

Naruto frowns. Why do they all act as if his threats were empty? Like they didn’t care at all? Like he couldn’t...?

"All right." Naruto says.

The half-smile of the bastard only twists a little. "Hn."

If Naruto didn’t know him well, if Naruto didn’t know how much of an idiot he is... The way he looks at him... Sasuke almost seems to be paying attention to him. He almost seems to accept Naruto's threat. He almost seems... Like he’s defying him too. Huh.

"I’ll show you all!"

And with that, Naruto walks away down the hall.

Conversations explode even before he takes two steps.

"You cannot be in the same place without fighting for two minutes?"

"Tch. How troublesome."

"Shikamaru, can we go to the barbecue on the way out? Mom gave me money to ..."

Naruto boils.

I'll teach you. I’ll show you. You all will see.

.

.

The next time they meet after the announcement of the tournament, Sakura can’t attend. "An event from her mother," she says, looking a little embarrassed as she clutches her hands shyly and says it more to Sasuke than Naruto.

Since they have a late martial arts club that afternoon, they decide to stay two hours in the gym after school.

Their work is still a disaster, but at least they have agreed on the project. It will be the tornado of fog. Naruto has reluctantly agreed with many of the points that Sasuke mentioned. And Sakura agreed with him since the beginning.

As bad as the bastard is, and as much as he pisses him off, he's actually good at organizing. For some reason, he knows Naruto better than he thought and gives him tasks that are complex but simple to perform for him. Or simpler than other tasks would be at least.

Sakura, on the other hand, is an innate and good researcher to get materials from different sources, and Sasuke has assigned her many tasks that she has successfully accomplished.

It isn’t finished, nor even close to completion, but they still have time. So things at least have a beginning.

They don’t talk a lot. Sasuke is sitting cross-legged on the first step of the bleachers, buried in a thick-volume book called Science for Beginners and taking notes from time to time in a notebook that he has by his side. He bites the tip of the pencil between his teeth, rotates it between his fingers. His hair falls on his forehead. He is silent. And Naruto is too busy doing... his part, to be talking. It’s not like he’s too distracted seeing him, of course not. Why would he do that? Because Sasuke Uchiha actually does something human and bites his pencil? Pfft. No.

They are alone in the huge gym, with the murmur of the voices of the corridors around them and the echo of the sole of Naruto's shoes striking the floor while he is in charge of reading the chapter that Sasuke told him. They are alone; probably less than one meter away from the other when there is too much space in the gym.

They are alone and it is... much less... chaotic than Naruto thought it would be. Of what probably his whole class thought it would be. And it's not exactly nice, but not unpleasant either. It's at a neutral point, he guesses. Somehow, Naruto thinks, he must have gotten used to Sasuke's company after all those afternoons outside the library, because Naruto doesn’t feel like fighting so much with him this time. Because the silence that surrounds them is almost soothing.

"Hey, teme." He says as he turns and rests his feet on the second step, his head hanging upside down to the floor.

Sasuke looks up from where he has his head stuck in the pages of the book, and the black, long fringes at the sides of his face fall delicately on his cheekbones.

Naruto drops the book he's reading on his stomach and nibbles at the nourishing bar with chocolate chips that, in fact, doesn’t taste as bad as he thought it would (in fact, it's very sweet), and that Sasuke gave him at the beginning of the session because, yes, dobe, you need to eat something so you can work better and don’t fall behind; and, I’m sure you didn’t even have breakfast, did you?

Let Sasuke Uchiha be the mother hen type of friend. Huh. Who would have guessed. Not that they are friends or anything. He just tolerates him more. Just that. That’s all.

Bastard, do you think you can tell Naruto Uzumaki what to do? If the bar didn’t taste so good, I would not even have touched it to begin with.

"Dobe. Are you going to tell me something or...?"

Right.

"Do you think we will have to fight each other on the preliminaries?" He doesn’t know why, but the question has been spinning around in his head. The sole idea makes him excited.

Sasuke's mouth twists a little. He raises his eyebrow. "I don’t know." Then he adds, in a tone that sounds a lot like a mockery. "Why? Are you scared of me?"

Naruto snorts, throws his arms in the air. "Of course not. If anything happens and we actually fight, I'll sweep the floor with your stupid mop hair, you cocky bastard."

Sasuke raises his other eyebrow. "I thought it was a duck's tail."

"It can be both."

"Hn."

"Anyway, if we face it, it's obvious that I'm going to win. And afterwards, you'll have to admit that I'm better than you in every possible way. Because I am. And then, the whole school will have to do it, because Uzumaki Naruto has just got left the famous Uchiha Sasuke out of competition. And…"

Sasuke snorts. "Famous? I didn’t know you held me in such high esteem."

Naruto frowns as he bites the bar. He mumbles between his teeth, "Cocky bastard."

And then Sasuke Uchiha smiles (rather, smirks, but still) and says something that, somehow, goes inside Naruto's brain and breaks it.

"Good." He says, ignoring Naruto's insult, and as if he's not just going to say the thing that's going to put Naruto’s stomach up to jump a lot, later. "Whatever it is, I just want to know if I’m strong enough or not. To know the answer, I really want to fight the strongest ones. I've seen you train lately. The truth is, I want to fight you too."

Holy.

Ramen.

Naruto blinks as his eyes focus on the ceiling. His mouth hangs a little open even before he realizes it.

Does that mean that Sasuke recognizes him as a rival, that Sasuke Uchiha believes he is strong enough and worthy of fighting with him?

For some reason, that fills him with happiness from the tip of his feet to the tip of his head.

He doesn’t stop smiling after that for a long time.

.

.

"Kiba Inuzuka vs. Naruto Uzumaki" is written on the printed sheet stuck on the door of the gym, a week before the preliminaries, just below "Shino Aburame vs. Sasuke Uchiha".

That explains the disdainful smile that Kiba gave him this morning.

Kiba is strong, he is very strong, and Naruto knows it.

"I'm going to kick your ass, dog's breath!"

But Naruto Uzumaki never goes back on his word. He’ll show him.

He’ll show everyone.

It is a promise.

.

.

He trains. Hard. For a long time. In the evenings. Every day. In the mornings on weekends. He strives. More than anyone.

"I want to fight you too." Sasuke's voice echoes in his head, over and over and over and over again.

For some reason, it gives him more energy and strength to continue.

.

.

Three days before the preliminaries, when Naruto is arriving at their usual table outside the library, Sasuke and Sakura are already there. Which is not very strange or unusual, but this time, Sasuke and Sakura are talking, and it seems to be about something important.

Sasuke looks serious, and Sakura looks embarrassed. At least, she is blushing.

Are they talking about something romantic?

Naruto's heart rolls over in his chest. In a bad way.

On the other hand, Sakura always blushes when she's with Sasuke, so... It can't be... She... They can't... That is...

Naruto's heart rumbles in his chest. Hard. And it hurts more with each step he takes.

However, the pain doesn't last that long, because now that he remembers it, Sakura had that exactly same expression when she was about to cry the previous time that Sasuke told her she was annoying.

Holy... Naruto swears over all the delicious ramen in the world that if Sasuke makes her cry again he will...

"Oh, Naruto, hi!" Sakura says, her green eyes focusing on his.

Sasuke goes silent immediately.

Naruto looks at him. Then at Sakura. And back. And back.

"Is everything okay?" He asks, and Sakura smiles at her, almost shy, almost embarrassed.

"Oh, yes, of course, I... Sasuke and I were just talking about the advantages of using a new material in the fan holder that the device will have. You know, because the other material can get wet with the fog and ruin the project."

Naruto frowns. "Okay," he says, as if it isn't.

She smiles wider. "Seriously, thanks for worrying Naruto, but everything is fine."

Everything is fine.

Okay.

Okay, everything is fine. He will believe her. For this time.

.

.

Two days before the preliminaries, a miracle happens, because when it is five o'clock in the afternoon and Naruto starts putting his things back in his backpack to finally leave to his home, Sakura turns to him, him, Uzumaki Naruto, not Sasuke, and says:

"Hey, Naruto, do you think we can go home together? It's okay if you can't, but I've seen that you take the same path as me, so until we deviate, it would be fine if we go together, don't you think?"

Naruto stops, his science notebook half way into his backpack, and turns to see her. He blinks.

"Really?" He says, grinning. He is sure that his eyes are shining too.

Sakura smiles, her eyes soft. "Yes, really," she says, while nodding.

When they start walking, she seems like she wants to say something to him, but she stops and lets Naruto speak instead. She is friendly and listens to the conversation and asks questions from time to time, although she doesn't talk that much. She smiles, many times, but she seems a little distant, nervous.

Naruto wonders if something happened. Maybe.

Maybe not.

Sakura does not mention anything, and even if he wants to ask about it, he doesn't. He gives her space. If she really has something she needs to say, she will do it. When she feels good or comfortable enough to.

.

The next day, at the end of their work session, Sakura wishes both of them good luck for tomorrow.

The preliminaries are exclusively for members of the school, of all grades, and only those who are in the club can participate in them, but those who want to go and watch can do it if the date doesn't interrupt with their class schedule. Sakura tells them that she is going to go and support them both. She mentions that they should all go to the gym together, to give each other mutual support, or whatever. It's a bit strange, and Naruto thinks that maybe she's just trying to be nice when she smiles and points out how they're starting to work better together and how they are more united and bonded with one another, and how going the three of them would help both of them to give themselves a sense of tranquility and familiarity before the start of the fight.

He thinks she's decorating things to makes them look better than they are, but she's partially right. They have fallen into a routine, they know each other better. None of the three discuss as much as before. Even before Sakura began to behave more kindly around him, she didn't shouted at him as much as before anymore, she was calmer around him. Maybe she's right. Maybe is better if all the three of them go together. Maybe his nerves would calm down a bit.

Naruto and Sasuke look at each other for a second, and then nod.

Yes, it should be a good idea.

She smiles brighter at their answer.

.

They meet in the hallway at eight in the morning, half an hour before the preliminaries start. Sasuke is already there, dressed and leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. His eyes are closed. Naruto thinks he may be trying to focus himself. Maybe he's nervous.

He knows he is. But more than nervous, he is anxious. He's going to totally kick Kiba's ass, he made a promise. Believe it!

He's about to greet Sasuke when he hears Sakura coming. She arrives almost at the same time as him and runs to catch up with him. She has the red ribbon in her hair again and pretty pink-chewing-gum shoes. Naruto smiles at her and waves a hand when he sees her running towards him.

"Hey!" She greets them when she gets where they are. "How are you, nervous?"

Sasuke doesn't open his eyes from his position on the wall.

Naruto laughs at the question.

"Hn."

"Pfft. Of course not. I am anxious! I'm going to so kick dog's breath's ass!"

Sakura beams. "All right! It looks like you two prepared yourselves a lot! I'm sure you both will win!"

Naruto smiles, nods, raises his fist in the air and is about to say something really cool when...

"Sakura!"

That happens.

A boy with thick eyebrows, a bowl cut and a leotard very similar to the one that always carries his martial arts teacher is running towards them, waving a hand to say hello.

"Sakura Haruno!" He shouts, his voice too loud. There is a girl with brown hair gathered in two buns running behind to reach him and, further back, a boy with long hair with a stern expression and crossed arms is following her, walking. When the leotard boy comes to where they are, he gives a thumbs up and smiles. He practically shines. He doesn't even seem affected though he just run through the whole corridor as if there were a bull chasing him. "Be my girlfriend, I promise that I will dedicate my life to take care of you!"

Sakura blinks quickly, her arms limp at her sides. Naruto is so surprised that he almost falls over. He looks to one side, and even Sasuke seems to have found something of interest in the conversation. He has not moved from where he is and has not uncrossed his arms from their position, but he has opened his eyes to see the owner of the voice.

Sakura tilts her head to one side, the wave of pink hair falling on her side. "Uh, oh... I..." She stumbles over the words. "Sorry, who are you?"

Naruto laughs at his response.

The boy does not seem depressed even a little because the girl has not said _yes_ to his not-too-normal proposition, he just smiles wider; but, again, we are talking about the kind of guy who runs in the middle of a corridor and knows the name of a girl just to ask her to be his girlfriend. Everything is possible. "I'm Rock Lee! I…!"

The girl who was running after him finally comes to where they are and hugs the boy, Lee, from behind (though it looks more like an octopus trying to crash its dinner with its tentacles) and covers his mouth with one hand. She gasps a little, "Are you serious? You know you're too fast, that was cheating! And I told you to not scare her!" She scolds him, frowning. She points to where Sakura and Naruto look at the scene with big, wide eyes. Naruto seems more like he's about to fall into the ground and start laughing his head off, but Sakura seems more curious than anything. "Is that the face of a girl who hasn't just got scared because a random boy has just run to her to ask her to be his girlfriend? I don't think so!" She waves her free arm in the air as she says it, looking like a mother scolding her son because he just took a lollipop at the super when she told him not to and is now eating it. She does not wait for the boy to answer, and turns to look at them. Her expression changes to an embarrassed one, and she laughs awkwardly as she stills cover the other boy's mouth. "I'm sorry about that, he's usually like that all the time."

"Weird?" Naruto offers.

"Baka!" Sakura says, punching his arm.

"Ow, Sakura-chan, that hurts!" He moans, rubbing the spot where Sakura's knuckles have just bruised.

"Don't be rude!"

"It's the truth!"

Sakura gives him a death glare that makes him shut up. She looks embarrassed towards the others, and says, "I'm sorry, it is. Um. He meant that he's... too eccentric." It sounds more like a question than an affirmation, but the other girl laughs.

"No problem. We know that Lee is weird. We don't love him any less because of that. I'm Tenten by the way. He is Rock Lee, as he said, and our silent friend from right there," she points to the boy who is a meter behind her, with his arms crossed and dressed in an elegant combat suit. More elegant than Sasuke's, which is saying a lot, "it's Hyuuga Neji. All three of us will compete today! We are of second year!"

"This year's rookies have guts." The boy says, ironically, superbly. "Tch. Rather, I would say that they are presumptuous or very stupid. We prepare ourselves a whole year and they think they can beat us so easy? It is an insult."

"Uh, Neji..."

"Hey, Girl Hair! If you have a problem with me, let me tell you that I can kick your ass right here and right now, so...!"

There is a sigh at his side. "Dobe..."

Sakura goes forward when Naruto walks towards The Idiot with his fist raised and takes him by the arm to stop him. She laughs nervously. "Naruto, be nice." She says, with a tone everyone can hear. She pulls him towards her and her face contorts a little. "Are you crazy, baka? They are sophomores, think before you act! Besides, he's the genius of the Hyuuga family, have you ever heard of him? He has won more fights than anyone in this school, in just one year. He has medals of international events. He's going to massacre you if you fight him." She whispers vehemently.

Naruto is about to say, "I don’t give a shit if he's the prince of Europe or whatever, I want to kick his ass!" but something catches his attention at his side.

Sasuke moves from his place against the wall. His expression is tired, although Naruto can say that Neji's comment also irritated him. He can know that by the way he moves. Too rigid, though he’s trying to seem like he doesn’t care. "Tch.” He says. “Let's just go to the gym, dobe. It's getting late anyway."

Naruto frowns and growls low in his throat, because that’s not the answer he was expecting, but a look at Sasuke calms him down a bit. Sasuke’s eyes are fierce beneath irritation. They say to him, we are only going to be able to teach him what we are capable of in combat, dobe. Shut up.

They tell him he's dying to hit something right now, and to be honest, Naruto wants that so badly too.

So they move and they walk pass the group in front of them, both Sasuke and Naruto determined. Sasuke is calmer than Naruto, who walks around smoking, but his movements are definitely more intense.

Maybe it was a good thing to run into that asshole. It motivated them more.

"Hey, what's your name?" The Girl's Hair Jerk asks when they go two steps in front of them.

Sasuke turns and kind of smiles, condescending, challenging. Naruto likes the intensity and ferocity in his eyes. They have this fire that he always has when he’s challenging Naruto, but they’re even more intense. It gives him the good kind of goosebumps for some reason.

"I don’t need to tell you that. You will know it when they name me for having won."

Ohhhhhh. Okay. Wow. So Sasuke can be Sassuke. Wow. All right. Okay. Excellent.

Naruto laughs, and if it weren’t because he knows Sasuke will ignore him, he would have said something like "high five, dude! That was brilliant!"

So yes, Sasuke has just crushed the ego of a guy with an elegant last name and another boy has just proposed to Sakura as a knight in armor in a green leotard.

It was a good way to start his day.

.

.

The preliminaries begin at exactly 8:30 a.m.

Sasuke and he are sitting in the stands, on the last step stuck to the ground, next to the other competitors. The second year group is next to them. Sakura is right above. She squeezes their shoulders as the coach beings the lot to see the order in which they will participate.

Naruto gets the number 10. The last one.

Sasuke gets the number three.

Naruto doesn’t know which option is better. He doesn’t think so much about it, though.

Sakura wishes them good luck when they start the tournament.

Bushy Brow (as Naruto decided to nickname him since this morning, because Guy with Green Leotard is too-long), is the first one to fight. He goes against another senior student whose name Naruto can’t remember.

Actually, Bushy Brow is awesome. Naruto realizes this two seconds after he starts the fight.

He is fast. Very fast. He is incredibly agile and flexible and lethal too.

Naruto and Sakura make identical expressions of "Wow!", "Cool!", "Awesome!", "He's fast!" At the same time. Both waving their arms or jumping in their seats.

The girl sitting next to Naruto, Bushy Brow's friend, laughs when she sees them.

"He's amazing, isn’t him?" She says, as she watches her partner totally smash his opponent in less than two minutes. "He tried so hard to get where he is right now. He wanted to show everyone that a "simple injury" was not going to stop him, although what happened to him was more than just an injury. The boy with whom he fought the last tournament almost left him paralyzed. Or at least unable to participate in this kind of fights."

The coach announces that Lee is the winner right at that moment, when Bushy Brow gives a last combined kick that leaves his opponent knocked out on the ground. Wow. That movement is magnificent. Naruto has to ask him how to do it.

But returning to the topic that Bushy Brow almost dies...

"What?" Naruto says.

"Really?" Sakura asks, also returning to the conversation. Her eyes are wide open. She seems really surprised and horrified at the same time. Her voice is also tinged with concern. "He must have been very strong then! His opponent! Because Lee is really impressive!"

Tenten turns to see them while still applauding and smiles sadly. Her eyes look somewhat dark, as if she were remembering a bad memory. "His opponent was strong, yes, but more than anything, he was crazy. It is very sad. For a moment I thought— We all thought that— But Lee has always been impressive. Very strong too. He has always known how to get out of difficult situations and improve. I should have imagined that he would recover without any problem. But still, I was so worried. And Lee became very depressed at first, even if he was trying to hide it. I get it. That all his dedication could have gone to trash just for one fight— And the thing is… he always had to try so hard because of his condition, so..."

"What condition?"

She frowns. "Oh. How strange, I thought everyone knew. Lee has chronic osteoporosis. Weak, small bones. That means it's very easy to break them. A sport like martial arts should have leave him on a stretcher weekly. But like I said, Lee has always worked hard, especially thanks to Gai Sensei. He gave him the power to dream and to think that his dreams could come true. But then the accident happened last year and Lee almost gave up everything he had worked for, but Gai Sensei helped him a lot and we..."

"I don't think it's pertinent to be talking about our partner's condition with them, Tenten." Jerk with Girl Hair murmurs next to her. "Also, Gai sensei was wrong that time, filling his head with dreams like that, Lee could have died in that operation."

Tenten turns to him and gives him a wry smile. "Oh come on, the whole school, or at least most of it know it already, they will find out one way or another, I don't see the problem, and besides, about the other thing, you were also worried about him that time, don't pretend that only Gai Sensei supported him in his decision, we were part of it."

The boy has an annoyed expression on his face, crosses his arms over his chest. So the Jerk has a soft spot for Bushy Brow. Huh. Everyone has one, he supposes. But that doesn't take away how presumptuous he is and the expression of superiority in his face that makes Naruto want to knock out his teeth.

"Tch, do whatever you want."

Tenten rolls her eyes. "I swear, you two, honestly. But anyway," she continues, turning to Naruto and Sakura again. "A miraculous woman came after Gai Sensei went in search of her and operated him. It was a difficult decision, Lee could have died, and the healing possibility was 20% at best, but she was really impressive and patient and the operation cured him as much as possible. Lee had to do movement therapies afterwards, but just look at how he is. He did all of them in two weeks when he should have work at least months with them, and he kept training to get through. It was a complicated, very hard year. Gai sensei, Neji and I support him all the time, but he obviously was very sad to think that something could go wrong and he could never stand up again, or use his legs, or move easily. His whole life has been twice harder than anyone else, so I'm not surprised that he now tries the triple, but still."

"Wow." Sakura and Naruto say in unison, just when she ends with a somewhat sad smile.

"I know." She grimaces. "And the guy he fought with last year? A psycho, for sure. He went crazy. Lost all control. He almost kills him. I'm sure he knew about his condition because he made some... movements that put pressure on the bones. It's just that, as far as I know, nobody had ever been able to even hit him..."

"Amazing."

"He must be very talented!"

"He was. But when Lee hit him one time... and then another... and another... I mean Lee is too fast. He didn’t even see it coming. He went crazy. The host had to stop the fight and penalize him. It is very likely that this year he won’t appear again, which is good for you guys! I would never want to run into him again."

"Wow! Bushy Brow is really awesome! Get out of something like that! He is really strong!"

Tenten smiles and nods. "Mhm. He's incredibly annoying but I've always admired him a lot. And…" Before she can finish, a voice interrupts her from below.

"Tenten!" When she looks down, Lee is crying and smiling brightly at her. "Neji! I passed! I passed!"

Tenten gives him a thumbs up. Smiles. "Well done Lee!"

Neji nods besides her. "Good job."

That only seems to increase Lee’s cry. And it only gets worse when Gai Sensei appears behind him.

Tenten grimaces and stands up. "I'm sorry, but I have to go and... try to get those two to not drown or something."

Naruto and Sakura laugh. "Sure."

Naruto looks down at the scene unfolding on the field.

To be honest, and fair, if Naruto had the same story as him, he would probably be crying too. So it's not that weird.

And he sure is strong. Awesome too.

He would like to fight with him.

Looking to his side, he sees Sasuke as he looks down at Bushy Brow as well. Naruto wonders if he heard the story. He wonders if Sasuke wants to fight him too.

That would be interesting. Bushy Brow and Cocky Bastard. Hm.

"Hey, Sakura," he says, with shit-eating grin, looking up. She stops looking at Lee to look at him.

"Hm?"

"Your boyfriend is really cool, don’t you think?" His smile grows like the Cheshire cat.

"Baka." Sakura growls, as she punches him again, this time on the shoulder.

Naruto's smile hesitates a little. "Okay, okay, I was kidding, I was kidding!" Naruto begins to cover himself while Sakura throws him more punches. He laughs anyways.

.

.

The bastard is pretty impressive too. He wins almost immediately. Naruto almost feels bad for Shino. That last movement sure was going to hurt for a week.

.

By the end, almost his entire class has arrived. They gather next to where Sakura is and observe and make comments from time to time. Shikamaru's comments are the most analytical of all. Naruto likes to listen to them. He’s always right when he says who will be the winner.

When it's time for his fight, Naruto is anxious. Sakura smiles at him to give him good luck and even Sasuke looks at him a little more than he should and crashes his fist with his when Naruto puts his own in front of him.

Oh yeah. Naruto is going to sweep the floor with Dog’s Breath.

.

"So, who do you think will win?" Tenten asks them.

"Kiba." Ino, Chouji and Shino say. Hinata and Shikamaru remain silent.

"Naruto." Sakura and Sasuke answer, at the same time.

Tenten blinks, then laughs. "Okay?"

Shikamaru turns and frowns at Sasuke. He doesn’t seem annoyed or angry, but a little surprised. And curious. The others have astonished expressions while also looking at him. Everyone knows the animosity that exists between them. The tension. The usual bickering, the mutual desire to be in each other's throats all the time. But they also know they've been getting along a little better lately, maybe...

"Why do you think Naruto will win, Sasuke-kun?" Ino asks, clearly surprised. Shikamaru by his side seems genuinely curious. It is normal, Shikamaru’s strong point are the facts, the strategies. He wants to hear the arguments of how someone like Naruto, someone who started so bad at the beginning and was still very clumsy when he signed up, could beat one of the best students in the course.

"Naruto is strong." Sakura says, and it seems like she means it.

"Sakura is right." Sasuke agrees. "Naruto can be clumsy and distracted, but he's strong. He's really stubborn too, he wants to participate in the tournament more than anything, and he's determined in his goals, he trained very hard. Kiba is one of the strongest in the course, yes. He is brutal and strong, but also coarse and impulsive. Especially impulsive; he doesn’t think that much about his technique precisely because his strong point is brute force. He most likely would go with all he has and would try to finish off Naruto from the beginning of the fight. Naruto knows it, he has analyzed his fights, his style; he can be distracted and everything, but he is smarter than people give him credit for, I saw him train a lot in his blockade, he probably thinks about avoiding fighting at first until he gets Kiba tired. Kiba is tough, and he has a lot of energy, but being as reckless as he is makes him wear down everything from the beginning, which is a weak point. And knowing the dobe, if Kiba provokes him enough, he may start fighting as well instead of dodging, but even then, even if Kiba is smart or fast or strong enough to make Naruto fight instead of blocking, the fight will be reduced to see who gets tired faster. In other words, a fight of resistance; and Kiba can be tough and resistant, but Naruto definitely has a lot more stamina than Kiba. He will endure it more than enough."

Sasuke finishes just as the coach announces the start of the fight. His classmates look at him surprised, shocked.

"That's a good point." Shikamaru points out. "Very good points."

Sasuke leans forward, his eyes focused on the field. "Hn."

He doesn’t pay much more attention later to the looks that Sakura or others "surreptitiously" throw at him out of the corner of their eyes. He is too focused on something else.

.

In the end, Sasuke is right. Naruto tries to dodge a lot at first. It costs him a bit, Kiba has improved a lot and is faster than before, but in the end, Sasuke's analysis is correct. Kiba goes with everything since the start, he doesn’t contain himself, not even a bit. Naruto doesn’t do it either when he starts to counterattack. And although it takes a little longer than Sasuke had in mind, Naruto seriously kicks his ass.

.

Both pass the preliminaries. And that’s amazing.

.

Ero-Sennin buys him a bowl of his favorite ramen that night. Baa-chan rents his favorite movie to see it with him.

Sakura makes both of them homemade bentos as a gift.

His classmates don’t exactly congratulate him, but they look really surprised. Naruto doesn’t care that much, Kiba's bitter face as he growls all day long is enough to make him happy.

Girl Hair passes, just like Bushy Brow.

Part of Naruto seriously hopes that, if he doesn’t have to fight Sasuke on the tournament, he'll fight him. He wants to kick his fancy ass too.

.

.

Two days after the results of the preliminaries, Sakura is walking besides him again, both heading home.

"You know," she is saying, "it was really smart to change the temperature of the container, Naruto, I don’t know why I didn’t think about it sooner."

Naruto blinks. "Huh?"

Sakura looks up at him, her eyebrows raised slightly. "The temperature? On the thermometer?"

Naruto tilts his head and blinks, searching in his brain if... "Ah!" He says, while one of Sakura's eyes trembles a little, like a twitch. "That!" Sakura looks at him and the fingers at her sides twist, as if she wants to hit something. "That was just an accident when I was—" Sakura takes a deep breath, one, two, one, two. She says to herself to calm down, to breathe, to not despair. "I mean," Naruto says, laughing a little nervously. He scratches the back of his head, smiles like when he wants to apologize for something, "yes, that! That was totally on purpose! Yes, I— I just thought it was obvious, you know," he continues, as he puts his arms behind his head and grins openly. "Uzumaki Naruto is a genius, you know! Believe it! He's the best at... Uh, are you okay, Sakura? You look a little… altered."

Sakura raises an eyebrow, clenches her fists at her sides. She smiles at him, though it seems more like she wants to scare him than to reassure him. Her voice is somewhat tight when she speaks, forcibly sweet, as if she was trying very hard not to scream. "What? No! I'm fine! I'm perfect!"

Naruto frowns. "Um, but your eye..."

Sakura raises both eyebrows. "Mm? No, it's okay!"

"But it's shaking."

"Oh, it's just a nervous tic, I'm fine, don’t..."

Naruto lowers his hands from behind his head. He’s going to touch her shoulder, "Are you su—?"

"I said I was fine!" She screams, her eyes a bit mad. Naruto flinches back.

"Sorry!"

She looks immediately sorry. "Oh! No, no! I'm the one who’s sorry! I shouldn't have screamed at you! I'm. I'm just nervous that’s all."

Naruto stops in his tracks. He blinks. "Uh? Nervous? Why? We've been doing this for many days."

Sakura stops and turns to face him. "Um, yes, but... There's something..." She doesn’t look at him, she looks down instead, and rubs her arm shyly. "Well, uh... It's just that, the reason why I called you to go together the other time, and these times, it's not exactly because we take the same path."

Naruto blinks. His heart begins to bounce madly in his chest. He wants to smile, although he is very nervous all of a sudden. Excited? Scared?

"I... Well, it's... I wanted to apologize."

Naruto's heart slows again until it returns to its normal rhythm. Oh. So it wasn’t— Sakura wasn’t going to— Good. Good. Part of him already knew it anyway. He is not sure if he is happy or not because it is an apology instead of a confession though.

However, Naruto is a bit confused. "Apologize? Why?"

Sakura rubs her arm timidly again. She looks to the left, to the right, to the ground. "Well. For everything. For calling you useless and dumb, and yelling at you. We're a team now, I shouldn’t have..."

"Oh!" Naruto says, interrupting her. "It's okay, Sakura! Don’t worry about it!"

She stops looking at the ground to look at him. She tops herself with bright, cerulean eyes and a bright smile. She blinks. "Seriously? You forgive me… Just like that?" She seems genuinely surprised at his reaction, as if she didn’t expect it to be so easy.

"Yes, why wouldn’t I?" Naruto grins. He puts his hands behind his head again. "It's all good! No problem! Now we're walking together, aren’t we? We've done it several times! It's nice! I like it!"

Sakura blinks a couple of times before smiling. Her eyes become soft. The softest they’ve ever seen with him before. She seems genuinely calm and sincere when she says, "I also like to be with you, Naruto, maybe we should walk together more often. Maybe even on the mornings before we get to class, we have the same schedule, right?" She says and turns to continue walking.

Naruto does not realize that he is standing there blinking and gaping like an idiot until Sakura looks over her shoulder to nod at him. "You're not coming or what?" She says, almost laughs, at his dumb expression.

He nods, because he's physically incapable of talking in the moment.

Sakura just... Sakura just said it was nice being with him? That they should walk together more often? What? Is he dreaming? If so, please don't wake him up.

He knows her words can be empty, full of false promises, but he chooses to believe in her.

He feels like he can believe in her.

.

They walk together after their work the next day again.

And the next day.

And the next.

And the next, and next, and next.

And the next week.

They even start walking together in the mornings too.

She doesn't talk a lot the first times. More like listens and nods and smiles. Sometimes, Naruto makes her laugh.

The next week, though, she starts to talk too.

She is so pretty and smart, Naruto thinks. And he’s happy. He really is.

.

Everything is fine. Everything is more than fine.

Until it isn’t.

.

.

To be honest, Naruto must have suspected something was wrong. It's not normal for Sasuke to be so quiet all the time. Well, it is. But the silence that was there in the last afternoons was... different. More tense.

Sasuke acted differently. His movements were very rigid. His answers sharp. He didn’t even try to fight back when Naruto made an offensive comment about his hair at one time. He just decided to look angry and irritated and sit there. Besides, Naruto had seen him look at Sakura and him when they start to chat more animatedly in their sessions. He had seen him look at them in the classes. He had seen him look at them when they arrived in the morning and, when his eyes casually met Naruto's, he pretended he wasn’t looking.

Something was very weird in there.

Naruto wanted to ask what was happening, why he was acting like that. It wasn’t very normal on him.

And maybe he should have asked.

Maybe.

.

The next Friday, Sakura arrives a little late. Before she does, Sasuke and Naruto are alone in the table. Is quiet and there's not many others around.

Naruto greets him when he arrives and he is taking notes in his notebook. Sasuke greets him back, without taking his eyes off the book for more than three seconds to look at him.

Naruto laughs. "You're really more nerdy than I thought, you know, teme?"

Sasuke frowns. He actually seems a little irritated.

"Do you know where Sakura is now? She has the container, so I can’t try the modification without her." He says, raw and plane, as if he had no emotions.

Naruto frowns. "No, why would I know?"

Sasuke lets out something very much like a snort. "Well, you and she have been hanging a lot these days, haven’t you? I assumed she would tell you, since you two are suddenly very close friends." He mumbles something else between his teeth that Naruto cannot hear because Sasuke's face is covered with the book.

Naruto begins to feel the familiar discomfort that starts to burst in the back of his throat when he speaks with him. "What are you talking about, bastard? She and I just walk together home. Besides, why do you care about that? We’re not supposed to be irritating and annoying to you?"

Sasuke stops writing, but he doesn’t look at him yet. "I don’t care, dobe." He says, as if he cared.

"Then why do you mention it?"

"It was just an observation of what I had seen these days."

Naruto snorts, rolls his eyes. "I knew you've been seeing us weird these days. What's the matter? Why does it bother you that Sakura and I are together? I thought you weren’t interested in her that way."

Sasuke is now looking at him, and his eyes are fire. There is a wrinkle between his eyebrows. He looks angry.

"And I’m not." He states. "Not like that."

"So?" Naruto shouts, leaning over the table to look closer at his eyes. To show him that, whatever it is for, he won’t give in on this fight.

Sasuke's face contorts. As if he wanted to say something but at the same time he was trying very hard to swallow the words that scream to get out.

"Hn."

Naruto raises his eyebrows, "That's it? Hn? The Great Sasuke Uchiha gives up?"

Sasuke seems about to punch him in the face. Naruto smiles. That's it. He thinks. Get angry. Fight.

"I don’t understand what you’re talking about." He says, as if he was clenching his teeth. "I'm not giving in. I'm just not going to fight you over something that doesn’t make sense."

"You're not going to fight me because you know you're jealous and it's ridiculous."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Yes, you are! Admit it! You like her and you're jealous because I'm with her! And I’m not even with her like that, by the way! I just walk her home!"

Sasuke's eye has a twitch. He squeezes his hands hard on the table, Naruto can see his knuckles go white. His gaze is intense, penetrating in Naruto's eyes, as if they wanted to make a hole in his head.

"I didn’t think you were so stupid, dobe," he says, and he seems sincere, angry, finished; tired, "but apparently you are."

"What do you mean, bastard? I'm not stupid! You're just stubborn!"

Sasuke rolls his eyes, the way he does before finishing a fight. Before leaving Naruto screaming threats alone in the hallway because he is not interested in discussing with him anymore. He takes the book again and turns the page to read, although his movements are visibly stiffer than before.

"And you are dense like a brick."

"Hey!" He shouts, putting his hand on the pages of the book so that he cannot continue reading. Sasuke ignores him, drops the book and takes his notebook instead to keep writing down notes. "Don’t ignore me! That— What the hell do you mean? Bastard! Listen to me!"

Ten minutes later, when Sakura arrives, she finds them on the ground, wrestling like 5 years old. Both entangled with each other. Sasuke has Naruto’s legs immobilized, but Naruto is punching him in the side. Everything is a tangle of arms and legs.

"Guys?" She asks, sounding like she wants to strangle them both and like she's genuinely curious about what the hell is going on.

They stop a little to look at her from their position on the ground, their breaths fluttering.

"He started!" They both scream at the same time.

"It's not true! You threw yourself at me first, dobe! What the hell did you expect me to do?"

"You were ignoring me, what the hell did you expect me to do?" He says, imitating his voice with a fake fancy voice.

Sasuke rolls his eyes. "That's why! You can’t stop being immature even for a minute!"

"I'm immature? Really? Well, Sasuke, I don’t think mature people ignore their classmates when they talk to them as if they were five years old!"

"And there you go again with that! Who is the one that looks like a five years old right now?"

Sakura just facepalms herself. God, these guys.

.

Naruto thinks that maybe, maybe, he should be upset. He should be angry with Sasuke for fighting with him and for being ridiculously jealous of something that was not even happening! And that he didn’t even have the right to, considering the number of times he had an opportunity with Sakura and he wasted!

Naruto thinks maybe he's being very stupid, but the truth is, he is not angry.

Sasuke stops acting weird after that fight. He doesn’t mention anything about the fact that Sakura and Naruto are spending more time together. He’s very quiet again, but in the usual way. And he fights Naruto again, the way he always does. It's as if, in a way, the fight would have helped him to vent whatever it was... eating him inside.

Everything returns to normal again.

The most normal that can be with them, at least.

Sasuke and Naruto argue, yes, but Naruto would dare to say that it is almost... friendly.

It's strange. The way their relationship moves and changes and distorts like a flame of fire in different weathers. With water, wind, heat, cold.

Naruto wouldn’t have it in any other way, though.

.

Their teamwork is much better with each passing day. Naruto is sure that they will get an excellent note at the end.

.

Naruto is still training. A lot. All the time. Sometimes, Sasuke stays with him in the gym in the afternoons. Other times, Naruto finds him leaving when he is going inside, or the other way around, when he is the one leaving.

Is like they even kinda have a routine.

.

.

Two days before the tournament, the fights and the order of them is announced.

Naruto’s fight is the penultimate one. And next to his name is written the elegant name Hyuuga Neji.

Oh yeah.

Naruto is anxious.

.

Sasuke is up against a guy named Sabaku no Gaara. Very famous in the eastern school, (the big one, somewhat rustic, but outstanding in qualifications and competitions in the dry regions of the county), apparently.

Hm. Anyway, Naruto is sure that the bastard won’t be so bad. He most likely wins. But Naruto is going to destroy him in the scores, oh yes, believe it!

.

The big day arrives and it's— well, Naruto is more nervous than he thought.

Jiraiya wishes him good luck in the morning before leaving him at the door of the stadium. He apologizes for not being able to be there, he says he will see him on television.

Naruto smiles at him and tells him that it's okay, that there's no problem. He says goodbye to him while he sees him getting away in the car.

There are many people when he goes inside and many cameras too. Many more people than he thought... oh holy ramen...

For a moment, he thinks he's going to throw up. He feels dizzy. Maybe— maybe he was wrong, maybe he wasn’t ready and...

"Hey, Naruto!" Sakura greets him when Naruto is about to turn around and go back to the exit. "You finally came! You look good! Come on, I saved a place for you and Sasuke-kun! We are up with the others in the class. Let's wait for him there, okay? He hasn’t arrived yet."

Sakura's smile makes him calm down again.

Pfft. What was he thinking. He's Uzumaki Naruto, he obviously won’t have any problem. He came here ready to show everyone who he is, and now it's the time.

Naruto Uzumaki doesn’t back down at his words.

Sure.

He pushes his nerves to the bottom of his stomach to them be replaced with a load of adrenaline.

Besides, he hasn’t shown Sasuke what he is capable of yet.

The bastard will see it too. Naruto will boast him with how much better than he is.

So Naruto smiles and follows Sakura into the crowd and listens as she talks about how anxious she is to see them fight and who she believes will win in other fights and what she has heard from the other schools.

All right.

Naruto is ready.

Naruto is more than ready.

.

.

The tournament starts.

.

And… Sasuke hasn’t showed up. Sasuke has not showed up and the first fight is him, the prodigy of good genes, against the lethal redhead beast of the eastern school.

Not that Naruto cares, of course, but why the hell does not he show up.

The fight is postponed on the orders of the jury until the next fight.

Dammit. The bastard better show up already.

.

The first fight is between two seniors.

A blond girl of the Eastern school fights against an exotic-pink hair girl with weird tattoos of the North Music School. The fight is interesting. Both of them are very powerful and intense in their fighting style. In the end, the girl from the east wins. Temari, that's her name.

Naruto watches the fight with enthusiasm, occasionally glancing at the empty seat beside of him. He knows Sakura does it too, he knows she's worried. What the hell is wrong with that bastard?

.

Sasuke doesn’t show up. The fight is postponed. Again.

Two more fights.

Another.

He still doesn’t show up.

.

Naruto doesn’t know why it gives him an ugly feeling in his stomach.

It’s not like something bad happened to him, right?

.

Another fight.

.

"Hell, what's wrong with that bastard? Is he cowardly enough to not even show up at the fight? What is he thinking?"

Shikamaru on his other side lets out a sigh. "Naruto, stop being so restless. I'm sure he will come, he is just delayed for something."

"But he doesn’t show up! Ugh! It's making me nervous!"

Shikamaru gives him an ironic smile. "You're worried about him, huh? You two are really starting to get along, apparently."

Naruto stutters. "I— wha— no— we— I mean— I just want him to come so he can see how much I have improved and how much better than him I am! He said he wanted to fight with me! I'm sure if he sees me tonight I'll scare him to death and he'll have to admit that I'm better than him! Uh… Um. Yes! That! I—"

Shikamaru scoffs. "How troublesome. Tch. It's okay, calm down, I was joking. I know how much you two still like to be in each other’s throats."

Naruto sinks into his seat, crosses his arms and murmurs incoherently in a low voice. He is beginning to feel warm in the face. Stupid Shikamaru.

He doesn’t care about that bastard. He doesn’t.

Of course not.

.

Sasuke still doesn’t show up by the middle of the event. Naruto thinks he's going to have a heart attack by the end of the night. He doesn’t stop bouncing his knee against the seat in front of him. He doesn’t even pay so much attention to the fights because he's looking sideways at the door.

Stupid Sasuke.

.

.

It's almost the end of the event and it's time for Naruto's fight. It is the penultimate fight of the night.

He doesn’t know why the fact that Sasuke is not there to see him gives him a bad taste in his mouth, but still, he needs to make Sasuke aside for a moment and focus.

Naruto came to show everyone what he is capable of.

And so he does.

.

Naruto gives everything he has in that fight to show that he's worthy to be there. That he deserves in every single way to be there. He has hoped to prove it all his life after all.

So he tries to push Sasuke aside for a second, and he fights. Fights for himself.

Fights to prove to superb idiots like the Hyuuga genius that he, Uzumaki Naruto, can kick his and anybody’s ass. Especially the ass of a talented genius who is older than him. In particular someone’s ass who Naruto has to prove wrong when they say he’s a loser.

"It's your destiny to lose. Accept it.” He spits at him in the middle of the fight, with his pretentious long hair and his strange tattoo on his forehead. With cold eyes the color of ice in light. Violets. Hard, recriminating, broken.

Naruto shows him.

He shows him that he can win.

He shows him that he can "change" destiny. That he can choose.

He shows him that all his words about destiny and so on, are nothing more than trash and bullshit.

Naruto teaches him more than one lesson that night.

Naruto frees Neji that night. From whatever it is that is chaining him.

Something happens. Naruto breaks him, surprises him. In more ways than one.

Neji is not the same boy later that night. Or ever again.

Neji changes. For the best.

Neji learns something deeper that night.

His eyes are no longer so harsh. They don’t look so broken by the end of that fight. And maybe he didn’t win the fight, but he won something more.

Naruto not only wins the fight that night and demonstrate that he can. Naruto wins respect.

Another trigger in his life. Another detonator.

Neji Hyuuga. The boy of destiny that Naruto manages to win.

The genius of the rich and powerful family Naruto manages to break.

The genius that respects Naruto by the end of that night.

Neji Hyuuga, the guy who shoots something that day and makes Naruto's life a lot easier later.

Sakura runs and hugs him when he gets off the field. She smiles and congratulates him and Naruto feels good, feels better than he has in a long time.

Neji walks towards him as Sakura fills him with hugs and warm smiles and words of encouragement, with Lee crying inconsolably and clinging into his arm and Tenten smiling kindly at his side (his eyes are a bit weird, they have a strange mixture of worry and relief in them), and shakes his hand.

And everything is fine.

Everything is incredible.

Everything is great.

Except, that when they go up the stairs to the position in the fifth tier where Sakura is sitting with him, she tells him that Sasuke hasn’t arrived yet, and the horrible taste on his mouth returns again.

All his classmates congratulate him when he sits down, including Kiba, who seems genuinely impressed. Everyone looks like it.

And it's great, it's amazing, except that Sasuke is not there.

Naruto doesn’t know why it disappoints him so much.

.

Lee's fight is the one that follows. For someone who has just cried, Lee doesn’t seem vulnerable at all when he goes up to the combat area.

His eyes are determined and his posture explodes energy everywhere, it tells them how ready he is to fight.

Lee is brutal in that fight. He’s fast. Faster than anyone Naruto has ever seen. Naruto can hardly see the movements he makes because of how fast he is. He is agile, strong, lethal.

In the end, he wins the fight in less than a minute.

A record, apparently.

.

.

Sasuke shows up at the last moment, because apparently, he is a fucking show off and wants Naruto's heart to explode, the fucking bastard. He shows up right after they announce the winner of Lee's fight against a senior, in a sleek new suit and with his always-in-place hair. His gaze is tough, his posture is somewhat rigid.

Naruto doesn’t care about his new suit or whatever, Sasuke is there. Finally. Super late, but there.

"You always do what you want to do, don’t you? Arriving at the last minute when your fight is the first, damn presumptuous bastard.” Naruto tells him (when and how did he get down the stairs so fast, it's a mystery), Sakura running after him to catch up with him, but he's smiling, and Sasuke smiles too.

"Hn. That smile. I assume that you won?"

Naruto is inflated with pride. "Yup. So I'm better than you."

Sasuke scoffs, but his smile returns to its place. "That remains to be seen, dobe."

"Whatever. Good luck, bastard, and don’t lose."

Sasuke's smile twists, like he’s saying, who understands you? You’re giving me mixed signs. "I don’t intend to."

Naruto smiles. "Okay, then."

And then he turns to go back to the stands.

Sakura gives a shy wave with her hand and smiles bright when she finally gets there. "Good luck, Sasuke!"

Sasuke gives her a nod. "Thank you."

She smiles wider before following Naruto to their seats.

Naruto almost falls over as he runs back to sit down. It's a little embarrassing, because he loves to watch that tournament every year, and he always gets too excited, but he can’t remember the last time he felt so eager to see a fight before.

God. Sasuke sure is going to kick that guy's ass with the weird name of the Eastern school. He can be a prodigy, or a "beast", or whatever. Sasuke can be an idiot, and a bastard, and apparently a show off but Naruto recognizes that he is very talented.

He will kick his ass for sure.

.

The plans change and his eagerness becomes panic when Sasuke's opponent shows up and the host starts announcing the fight and the reasons for the delay.

Naruto does not listen to the host and his apologies, instead, he hears Tenten's gasp in front of them and watches Lee's shoulders tighten a bit.

Sakura also notices it.

"What's going on?" She asks.

Tenten turns in her seat, her eyes looking dark. "It's him, the one who injured Lee last year."

"The one that left him almost unable to fight again?" Sakura screeches, horrified.

A visceral terror begins to eat him inside.

The only thing he can think about is one thing: I can’t allow Sasuke to fight with someone like him. He is a monster. Sasuke can get hurt. Really, seriously hurt.

He doesn’t know that he is standing and ready to go to stop them until Lee is dragging him to his place again. Naruto appreciates Bushy Brow, but if he doesn’t move...

"What's wrong, Naruto?" Shikamaru questions, standing two places from him.

"That stupid guy without eyebrows almost killed Bushy Brow last year! I can’t let him fight with Sasuke! I have to prevent—!"

He is desperate. Sasuke— Sasuke can get hurt. He can’t— he won’t let that happen. He… He has to…

"Naruto-kun! Calm down! I'm sorry I made you worry, but everything will be fine!" Lee leans at an exact 90 degree angle and goes back up again in front of him. He gives a thumb up and a bright smile, very similar to the ones Gai sensei gives in his motivational speeches. "I'm sure! I was not ready to fight him that time, he was a worthy opponent, but I'm sure Sasuke-kun is too! I've seen him fight, he's amazing! Much better than me at that time! Sasuke-kun burns with the passion flame of youth, I'm sure he will do very well! Have faith in him! Trust him and the intensity of his spirit like the fire of a sunset!"

Half of those around them look at Lee as if he’s a weirdo. Others seem either on the verge of crying or laughing. Sakura still seems worried, but his classmates look at him to make him sit down.

The host announces the start of the fight.

With a dark feeling of guilt, he sits down.

He doesn’t want to let the fight happen, he really doesn’t.

But maybe Lee is right. Maybe he should trust Sasuke. Maybe it would be too selfish of him to go and stop the fight.

"Okay." He murmurs.

"Excellent!" Lee shouts, sitting back down again.

The fight begins.

.

Apparently, the reason why Sasuke hadn’t show up before and why it took a while to start the fight even when he arrived, Naruto would realize later, was because he suffered an injury two days before the tournament. Not very serious, but enough to damage his shoulder. His tutor didn’t want to let him participate in the event. The judges didn’t want to let him either.

But he's Sasuke Uchiha. The prodigy of one of the founding clans of Konoha. Of course he was going to fight.

.

Even with the injury, Sasuke makes an incredible presentation. Sasuke is precise, fast, impeccable. Even elegant. He is mortal. Lethal. And yes, maybe by the end of the round, his movements are a little more erratic or careless, but that doesn’t stop him from winning. Gaara shreds him a little. Gaara is almost a real monster. He's too talented, his skills are deadly. He is ruthless, cruel. Some strokes and movements make Sasuke actually grimace, even if his speed prevents Gaara from touching him many times. Gaara is almost as fast as Sasuke is, and his block is fantastic. However, after the time pass and Sasuke is still so resistant, Gaara begins to... despair. He presses, pushes him to his limits. Hard. He overstrains himself, it can be noticed. His movements are too abrupt, disorganized, desperate. He is losing control.

Sasuke's prowess is inflexible, he almost never hesitates. Naruto knows him, that's one of his many advantages; Sasuke doesn’t give up, ever. He has proven to be a worthy rival to Naruto many times precisely because he doesn’t give up. But things get complicated. Naruto knows him way too good to know that. He's not doing so well. Gaara is not having mercy.

Naruto feels something ugly burn his throat. Panic.

"Sasuke! Stop being such an idiot and stop playing and fooling around, you bastard! Show him what you can really do, dammit!" Naruto screams from the bleachers. Naruto roars, with his annoying, loud voice, using all the strength his lungs have.

Somehow, Sasuke becomes more... lethal and intense, from that moment. Is like sharping a sword that already has edge.

In the end, he wins.

Naruto is filled with relief inside of him. For some reason.

"What a lame way to win, Sasuke bastard, you're all beaten up!" Naruto laughs (if it's from relief or because he's making fun of him or both, Naruto doesn’t know for sure) from the stands. He smiles, delight. And Sasuke looks at him from his position in the field. He is breathing hard, Naruto can see the way his chest rises and downs irregularly, heavier, but he smiles at him anyways. More like smirks at him than genuine smiles, but that's fine. Sasuke is fine. Beaten up, sure, but fine.

Sasuke rolls his eyes like he knows what Naruto’s thinking. His eyes are mocking, teasing, and he says something with his lips before going down the side of the field. Naruto can read it clearly.

“Usuratonkachi."

Tch.

Bastard.

.

.

There are loud applauses and shouts and smiles and flashes of huge cameras that don’t stop taking pictures of them after they gather all the competitors to announce the first places and they have to go up on the big field to get their medals.

Men in suits move from one place to another with friendly and strict faces among seniors, in search of their next stars or to give offers. The competitors begin to surround themselves with people who congratulate them on all sides, even if they didn’t get any of the first three places.

There are laughter and tears and bright smiles and many people and Naruto feels a little dizzy.

He has just won second place. In the famous Konoha Tournament televised internationally. Wow. He really wish Ero-Sennin and the old woman were there.

Lee doesn’t give him much time to get depressed about that, though. He is crying next to him. He seems more proud of himself than is possible, although Naruto feels the same way he does. He congratulates Naruto, or at least Naruto thinks he does, because he doesn’t understand what he’s saying completely between all the tears that are coming down his face. He and Gai sensei hug him and cry on his two shoulders before hugging each other and crying even more. It is such a show to watch. Naruto watches it a little disturbed before Tenten arrives, with Neji behind her, running with a smile towards Lee. Her smile vanishes when a Lee full of tears turns to her with all her energy and stamps himself against her in a bear hug. She sighs, resigned with a face of "oh well, if I don’t have another option…" as she pats him on the back and congratulates him and says soothing words above his head. And anyone who would look at her face would say that she is irritated, but her eyes are soft, and there is a curve in her face, in her mouth, when Gai sensei appears to one side of her and cries and screams about how proud he is and about youth and sunsets and fire and sunrises. She is happy. Almost amused. Exasperated, yes, but soft. Like saying, "God, I really love this pair of dumbasses."

Neji approaches Naruto while he focuses too much on looking at them. He greets him and shakes his hand. He looks much calmer than Naruto has ever seen him. In peace. Almost... Happy. Much better than a praised genius who just lost a very important fight.

"Congratulations, it was a good fight." He says, in a calm voice, and Naruto smiles.

"Thank you!"

Neji nods. "It would be good if it ever happened again."

"Of course, Hyuuga, it would be amazing to kick your ass again!" Naruto says.

The boy actually smiles. More like the corner of his mouth pulls a little up, but it seems genuine.

"You are very different from how I thought you would be. You taught me many things today, Naruto."

"Oh yes, Naruto Uzumaki is awesome, believe it!"

Neji's eyes seem a little amused, and he seems about to say something else when Tenten calls him out.

"Neji, I need help here!" She screams, as she is crushed by two bodies with green leotards that cry.

Neji looks over his shoulder and sighs, a little tired, as if he's used to dealing with that kind of things. When he turns to say goodbye, he smiles a little, although it seems more of a challenge than a sincere smile, and there is a bit of that arrogant tenacity and determination in his eyes when he looks at him.

"I hope we have the chance to fight against each other again, Naruto."

Naruto nods, smiling brightly, and Neji smiles a little wider before turning and going to save Tenten.

Two seconds later, Lee is clinging into him and Neji has a look of horror as Lee cries over him and squeezes him in his arms, as if physical contact makes him more uncomfortable than ever. He doesn’t do anything to get rid of him and push him away, though, he only complains, with his arms limp at his sides.

Naruto laughs. He stops when something at his side catches his attention. A few meters away, on his left, there is a group of girls who shout and scream and push each other to see... something. Or more like someone.

In the center of the huge circle is Sasuke Uchiha, with his first place medal hanging around his neck and an irritated expression on his face.

Bastard.

When he starts to walk towards him, Sasuke catches his gaze a meter away and manages to get out of there in one piece.

He seems really relieved when the girls see where he is going and don’t follow him.

It's almost funny. In an ironic way. The way Sasuke gets so much attention when he doesn’t like it a bit.

"Smug bastard." Naruto says, when they're close enough without people around them. "Getting all the girls’ attention like always."

"Usuratonkachi." He says, like he's trying to be all smug about it and make him jealous, though he actually looks relieved to be finally alone with him and away from the hungry horde.

Naruto almost laughs. He smiles, almost cocky, and points at the medal hanging in Sasuke's neck.

"This doesn't mean you're better than me, huh, bastard? I was way cooler than you there. And I didn't win that lame."

"Tch. From what I saw..."

"You didn't even see my fight, you liar!"

"I saw the last part. They have a big screen outside and I was arriving when you were fi—"

"You saw it? Really?"

"That's what I'm trying to say, moron."

Naruto grins. He doesn't know why, but Sasuke actually looking at his fight makes him really happy. Maybe is because he's definitely getting stronger, and that way he can show off to him.

Sasuke looks like he's going to say something more, but Sakura's voice interrupts him before he can say anything.

"I finally find you two! Congratulations, guys! You deserve it! You two fought amazing, I'm proud of you both!” She is saying, smiling brightly as she gets closer. “Naruto, you were so cool back there, the training is making you so strong!" She smiles, but then her eyes toughened and she punches him in the arm. Hard. Naruto's smile goes off and dies in a grimace instead. He rubs his arm. "But you are still so reckless, baka! I was worried for a moment there!"

Naruto makes a pout while still rubbing his arm. Hell, Sakura is strong.

"Hey! I was perfectly fine! I had everything under control! If you're going to worry about someone, it should be Sasuke! He was the one who went against the devil without eyebrows!"

Sasuke frowns when Naruto points his finger at him. Sakura's face fills with more concern.

"That's right. They told me what you did, Sasuke-kun! That was very imprudent! More like, I don’t know, something Naruto would do."

"Yes, exactly!" Naruto shouts. Then he grimaces as he turns to look at Sakura. "Hey!"

Sakura ignores him as she reaches out and touches Sasuke's shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, but his face indicates that he is trying very hard to keep himself quiet and not scream at her to get away.

"Fight with an injury like that! Sasuke-kun! You could have get more hurt, I..."

"Wait, the bastard did what?" Naruto blinks.

Sakura turns to face Naruto. "He fought with a shoulder injury that should have disabled him! That's why he was late! His tutor was not going to let him participate in this!" She explains.

Naruto opens his eyes wide. There is something of the cold feeling he felt in the stands when they said that Sasuke was going to fight against someone who could kill him tumbling in his stomach again. "What? That's very stupid, teme! And you say I'm the stupid! You're very stupid! I told you you were stupid! I've told everyone that you are!"

"You had us worried!" Sakura says, accentuating what she says with the expression on her face.

Naruto stops. "Yes, we—! Wait, no! I was not worried!"

Sakura decides to ignore him, Naruto thinks, because after she says, to make it sound even worse, "Naruto almost stopped the fight! And he didn’t even know about the injury! If he had known..."

"Hey! No! No, no, no, that's not true, I wasn’t worried about him!” Sakura looks at him, an eyebrow raised. “Well, yes, I was, but only because. Uh. Because, um, I— is, because he's my rival! Yes. Okay? That’s all! And he promised to fight with me sometime! He said he want to fight me! And I want to kick his ass! If he killed him, I wouldn’t be able to! It was just that! That’s— That’s all!”

Sakura blinks at him while Naruto babbles and screams and waves his arms in the air. Sasuke actually seems a bit surprised, his eyes open a fraction more. Naruto starts feeling warm on his face.

"I swear!"

Sasuke blinks. Then he looks at Sakura, who still looks at Naruto with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "I didn’t try to worry..." he says, and he glances at Naruto, who looks away, "… in whatever way," he points out, as a clear hint to the babble that Naruto has just released, "I was fine, that's why I fought, I..."

There is a pause.

"Sasuke-kun?"

When Naruto turns to look at him again, he gets surprised. Sasuke's eyes are dark, looking at something behind him with an emotion Naruto can almost call hate. Naruto almost recoils back, Sasuke's gaze is too intense. Penetrating. And his whole face is shrouded in something somber, dismal. Dark. It gives Naruto a bad taste in his mouth. He had seen Sasuke irritated, annoyed, but as far as he can remember, he hasn’t seen Sasuke really, actually angry at all. Not even once. He didn’t even know that Sasuke could hate something. Less with that intensity.

Naruto frowns and puts a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. The tension in Sasuke's body disappears, though not entirely.

"Hey bastard, are you okay? What's wrong?" Naruto's voice is enough for Sasuke's eyes to soften a little, but they don’t stop to look at the point behind Naruto. Naruto looks back and follows Sasuke's eyes to find a tall boy with glasses that, by the light, cover his eyes, and a... Man? Woman? Man. A man with long hair, marked makeup and a macabre smile. His spooky eyes resemble those of a snake, fixed on his prey, fixed on Sasuke.

"Do you know them, Sasuke-kun? Who are they?" Sakura asks out loud, echoing some of the questions that begin to fill Naruto's mind.

Sasuke doesn’t answer. Instead, he says, "I have to go. See you later."

Sakura stretches her arm and takes him from his wrist. Sasuke doesn’t turn to look at her.

"But you need to go to the nursing first, Sasuke-kun!"

"You guys go first, the dobe needs to get checked his wrist." He says, and without looking at them, he lets go and keeps walking.

When he goes halfway, the snake-eyed man’s smile widens in a way that gives Naruto chills. The other boy puts his glasses on the bridge of his nose and opens his arms. He leans a little towards him and says "Sasuke-kun! We were just going to say hello!"

Naruto frowns. Something about that... feels off. It just... doesn’t seem okay. It gives him a bad taste in his mouth. A strange feeling in the stomach.

Sakura sighs at his side. "That was weird, but well, Sasuke-kun is right, Naruto, you need to take care of that hand."

Naruto frowns deeper when Sasuke gets to where the duo is.

"I know you care about him, and I do too, but Sasuke-kun will be fine. He knows how to take care of himself, and no matter how strange they may seem, you don’t have to judge them by their looks, okay? Sasuke-kun seems to know them. Besides, there’s a lot of people here, I don’t think anything bad will happen; he will be just fine. Come on. Let’s go get you checked.” Sakura's voice is soft, but her grip is a bit harder than it should be as she grabs him by the arm and pulls him, and when Naruto glances at her face, Naruto sees it. It can be noticed the way she tries to hide it, looking away, hiding part of her face with her hair. Her eyes are full with worry.

And although he feels bad and hesitant to do so, although he feels as if a weight were squeezing his stomach and something visceral and ugly was burning his throat with every step he takes, although there is a voice in his head that screams at him from the back to get Sasuke away from there, away from them, although all of that, he keeps walking.

He leaves Sasuke behind.

At that time, he doesn’t know that he will regret doing it years later.

.

Naruto is corned and asked for autographs before arriving at the nursing. There are smiles and they give him polite hugs and he receives attention from all sides.

It's fantastic. Almost unreal. Surreal. It almost seems like a dream. It's what he's always dreamed of.

It would be better if Sasuke was there, though.

.

.

Ero-Sennin takes him to dinner at Ichiraku with Baa-chan that night. He lets him order all the bowls he wants.

He tells him that he saw him on TV and that he is very proud and that they even recorded his fight on a CD. He tells him that he is more famous than he is between the ladies in the neighborhood now while he laughs and ruffles Naruto’s hair. He orders one of those double ice-cream palettes that split in half and shares it with him while he smiles and tells him how proud his parents would be of him.

Tsunade gives him a necklace with a shiny pendant and kisses his forehead when she hangs it on his neck. She smiles at him and tells him kind words and congratulates him with warm, soft eyes.

Ero-Sennin accuses him of having more luck than him with pretty girls.

Naruto laughs.

It is one of the best nights of his life.

.

His classmates congratulate him a lot (not as much as Sasuke, but yes) the next day.

Even Kiba does.

Things improve a lot from there.

Over time, Naruto learns to hide and push that bad feeling he had at the tip of his mouth when he saw Sasuke with that man in a corner of his mind and not to worry about it.

.

The three end their science project two weeks before the delivery date. They get an A+ and congratulations from Iruka sensei.

.

Things are better than they have been for a long time.

In case someone was wondering the places of the tournament:

First place: Uchiha Sasuke.

Second place: Draw, Uzumaki Naruto and Rock Lee.

Third place: Sabaku no Temari.

Thanks everyone for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments! Thank you!! This chapter was more than anything an introduction to how the dynamics of everyone starts here. I hope you liked it!! Thanks again!! And I'm sorry for so many notes, lol.

[kootenaygoon]

So,

Niles was on crutches, watering his garden.

It was late Tuesday afternoon, and we’d just put the Wednesday edition of the Star to bed. Despite the fact it was mid-October, the weather was still summery, with a light wind rustling its way up the valley. The Slocan River had a magical sheen in the distance as my RAV broke out of the trees. Brutus was running laps of the yard with a dog I didn’t recognize, too busy to bark at my arrival, so I followed the driveway around to the barn unmolested and parked beside a mud-spattered, half-deconstructed Jeep. Niles had invited me over to discuss his latest manuscript submission, which was over 100,000 words long. It sat hefty and dog-eared on my passenger seat, riddled with highlighter and scribbled notes, alongside a six-pack of Blue Buck. I wasn’t looking forward to this feedback session, because I wasn’t sure if he was mature enough to hear what I had to say.

“We’ve got the house to ourselves tonight, Goon. I’ve got the second season of Fargo queued up, plus I’ve acquired some fabulous Afghani Kush that will blow your hair back,” Niles said, his crutches squelching in the mud as he clopped over to my side door.

I lifted up his manuscript, which was called The Fox and the Fawn. “Did you forget about this?”

Since my arrival in Nelson I’d been keeping a small roster of three to five students, helping them develop everything from a fictional account of the Rwandan genocide to a fantasy novel about an autistic teen adventuring through an alternate dimension. The trouble was, I was starting to feel like an imposter. My repeated attempts at finishing Whatever you’re on, I want some hadn’t resulted in the fame and glory I was imagining, and now I was wondering if I’d been kidding myself this whole time. Yeah, I had my Master’s, but so what? Could I really be a writer? And if not, was I really worthy of being a teacher? Who was I kidding?

“I figured you would’ve burned that thing the moment you realized what a gargantuan turd it is,” Niles said, his blond hair hanging limply around his dishevelled face. He wasn’t looking healthy.

I climbed out and shut the door. “I read some of it to my new roommate Mika, actually. We had a little reading in my living room.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yeah, she wanted to hear the sex scene.”

Niles roared with delight. That’s what he was always looking for, an audience to the lewd reality of his existence. As far as he was concerned, he was the best kind of criminal — the kind that never gets caught. The Fox and the Fawn was a fangirl tribute to himself, to his gangster exploits as a Slocan Valley weed king. With legalization finally here, he felt it was time to tell his story. The manuscript was Bukowski mixed with Kerouac, demented and perverse and shockingly violent. At one point he even casually admits to date rape, including a scene where his girlfriend rages at him for taking advantage of her while he was drunk.

“I didn’t know you had a new roommate,” he said. “What happened to Brendan?”

“Nothing. I just found a new place, levelled up. Teamed up with this girl Mika who works at my pot dispensary. She’s got a pet rabbit.”

“You’re still getting your shit from there? Why aren’t you coming to me?”

Niles was wearing a brown bathrobe. He opened his front door, told me not to worry about my shoes, then handed me the crutches while he hopped on one foot up the carpeted staircase. He grunted and sighed with each step, muttering swear words under his breath. I’d never seen him like this. When we reached the top I gave him his crutches and the beer, and he motioned for me to take a seat in the living room. As I passed by the familiar John Cooper paintings, I noticed that he’d hung the self-portrait I’d given him as a present a month earlier. I’d painted it with Natalya.

“You hung my painting upside down?”

He laughed, opening the fridge. “Yeah, I dunno why I did that. Just seemed to me like it looks better that way. I get a kick out of it.”

I shook my head. For the past month I’d been painting furiously, and it felt like a swirling green portal had opened up inside my brain. My writing may have stalled, but this was a way to channel my creativity into something other than journalism. I was getting sick of the Star, getting sick of taking the same pictures of the same fundraiser events, getting sick of the constraints. My relationship with Ed and Kai was strained too, as they were tired of my entitled laziness. Maybe they knew I was stoned every day, slumping into the office uninspired and half-assing my stories. I felt like the universe was wasting me, but painting had become a soothing therapy, something I did exclusively for myself. I was giving myself permission to be sloppy and flamboyant and outrageous, slathering my canvases with dribbling glitter and chaotic streaks of inspiration. This painting I’d given Niles was my first.

As he banged around in the kitchen, I walked over to the living room window and looked out at the Slocan Valley. The trees were the colour of flames, red and orange and electric yellow, and they matched the darkening sky. Lately I’d been feeling a subtle dread, like the magic was slowly draining from my surroundings. Winter is coming. I hated being single, hated being a chronic stoner, and hated how much of my life I spent stressing out about money. In university I’d become so convinced that I had life sorted out, that I was on a consistently upwards trajectory, that it was only a matter of time before I would be rewarded with creative success and lifelong fulfillment. Now I wasn’t so sure. It was easy to blame Paisley and all the drama she’d brought to my life, but she’d been gone for over a year now. At some point I would have to address my own shit without using her as a scapegoat.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, man.”

Niles scuffed back into the living room holding our beers. “This?”

“The Kootenays. The Star. I got into a bit of a scrap with Kai and Ed today, in the newsroom,” I said. “Over our coverage of Me Too.”

He laughed, sinking into his recliner. “You’re too radical for them?”

I shook my head, crossed to the couch. “I’ve just been seeing all these posts, right? Women sharing their trauma, men self-flagellating, but the discourse isn’t actually going anywhere. It’s not actually accomplishing anything. But I wanted to do something tangible, so I interviewed the superintendent and a bunch of principals about how they’re responding to it. Just to get it official, on the record, how they plan to change things.”

He snorted. “I’m sure they loved that.”

“So I hand in this 1200-word behemoth of a story, with all these different angles and perspectives, and they told me it didn’t have any teeth. They said it’s just a bunch of talking heads. I tried to argue, you know, that it’s important to be holding these people accountable and that their words are powerful, but they weren’t hearing it. They said if I’m going to write a story about sexual assault then I need a real sexual assault.”

He frowned, shrugged. “So what’re you going to do?”

I felt myself getting worked up. For the past few days I’d been endlessly scrolling through Twitter and Facebook, feeding on the outrage and vitriol. It was bringing everything up, Trent and Galloway and my strange obsession with crucifixion. The topic of sexual violence was like an intricate bomb I was trying to defuse with nothing but a screwdriver. As far as I was concerned, the conversation had to move beyond the rage to solutions. Men had to own their complicity, with more than just empty words, and propose tangible solutions. I was determined to prove Kai and Ed wrong, to show that my journalism had real teeth.

“Well, I’ve already started writing a column about it. About my personal feelings on the subject. And I’m going to illustrate it with a picture of my face with the words ‘Part of the Problem’ scrawled across my forehead.”

Niles laughed. “That should piss off the right people.”

“Not only that, I’ve found two girls who are willing to go on record about their assaults. One who was a student at Elephant Mountain Secondary, and the other from Selkirk College. If I do this right, this could be the most powerful story I’ve written since coming to the Star. Like, I think it could be a really big deal.” 

“Well, Goon,” he said. “I think your saviour complex is alive and kicking.”

Eventually we pivoted to discussing his manuscript, and I flipped through it on the coffee table as I took him through my notes. All of his female characters came off as interchangeable, he had a tendency to summarize scenes rather than depict them, and by the end of the narrative he came off as completely unlikeable. Being self-deprecating is one thing, but it was like he was going out of his way to shock the reader with his shitty behaviour. It felt like he was daring his audience to hate him. At times it reminded me of the memoir A Crowbar in the Buddhist Garden, by Stephen Reid, so I recommended he check it out for inspiration. I felt Reid struck a fine balance between owning his mistakes and aspiring to be a better human being.

“That’s the bank robber?”

“Yeah, they made a movie about him. Point Break.”

“That surfer movie with Keanu Reeves?”

“I think they fictionalized it a bit. The point is, there’s a guy who has actually grappled with his own soul. That takes balls.”

He nodded. “A Crowbar in the Buddhist Garden. I like that.”

Once we were finished with notes, Niles padded off into his bedroom and returned with an elaborate dragon-themed bong. As we smoked together I thought of the caterpillar from the animated version of Alice in Wonderland, asking in his condescending tone “Who are you?” That was the sort of question that was getting harder to answer all the time. Thinking about rape culture all day had me hating myself to the point where I felt physically sick, but at other times I was convinced of my own prophethood, my special destiny to save the world somehow. If I could tackle this Me Too story from exactly the right angle I knew it could have a legit impact. Everyone was encouraging women to speak while men listen, but I had been listening. And now I had something to say. I leaned back in the couch and examined the light fixture in the ceiling, composing my column in my head.

“Here,” Niles said. “You want another hit?”

The Kootenay Goon

[nancronomicon-blog]

Information - Sokoya

I was given a prompt by my Pathfinder DM to write about one of my characters doing surveillance work and gathering information in order to advance her goals. She’s got a while to go before she can accept the role that fate wrote for her, but everyone has to start somewhere.

-------

Sitting on a flat building's rooftop, Sokoya carefully counted out the amount of coin in the small bag she kept on hand. It wasn't everything she had of course, and she doubted that Wrathcatcher would stab her if it was incorrect at first. So long as the total wound up correct, the elf was likely to be satisfied. Still, there was something to be said for not making missteps in her investigation. It had taken months of denial and desperation for Sokoya and Rav to come to the conclusion that there was little hope of the amalgam that they currently are to make it back just yet. Once they were stronger, that might change, but they were stuck for now. So, the two had quickly decided that if this was their life now, they would accept it and react accordingly. If the world required them to save it, they had best get started. The first step would be to find out any notable events in the area, and to find out all they could about the history of the world that didn't match what Sokoya was told.

It was slow going at first. After all, Mourning Ridge aside, not a lot of the common folk were inherently willing to trust a drow on the surface. Sokoya didn't blame them, but it did result in a few tricky situations. The first time she had ventured into a major city, she had been nearly arrested on the spot. The local guard had immediately tried to knock her out, and it was only because of Rav warning her in her head that Sokoya had managed to dodge the strike. Her mind--or rather, their shared minds--kicked into overdrive with the sudden stress, and for once she felt connected to her former time based abilities once again, as things seemed to slow to a crawl. The two of them agreed in their hyper-conscious state to flee rather than making it worse by fighting back, so they quickly darted down a few alleyways, getting lost soon enough.

A small smile formed on Sokoya's features as she recalled the memory. It had started off poorly, but the next moment had introduced her to an ally that she would come to count on quite a bit in the coming weeks. Sokoya had nearly collapsed against a wall, struggling to maintain her body's synthesized state for a moment with herself so winded from running through the city. She could still hear the guard out there, looking for the drow that had dared to intrude into the city. Her keen ears had already heard rumors spreading, and she was quickly beginning to give up hope of escaping that day. The quiet sound of footsteps approached, and she gritted her teeth, ears low as she forced herself to stand back up as she reached for her knife.

The footsteps stopped a few steps away and Sokoya acted quickly. She couldn't keep running, and getting caught now was unacceptable. Tuning Rav out for a moment so she could focus, Sokoya had pivoted on one foot, practiced movements carrying her dagger from her waist into a thrusting motion at the person behind her. Her target had been surprised at first, but reacted nearly as fast, and Sokoya's vision blurred for a moment before she found her face shoved roughly against the wall of the alley, held firmly by a hand and the cold feeling of her own dagger's blade pressed against her neck. She hadn't even fully seen the person's movements, and in her dazed state she could barely think of more than the fact that she should have been faster than most guards.

"Not too shabby, really, but kind of predictable," came the quiet voice behind her. "Now I'm going to let go, and let's see if you can avoid trying that again, yeah? I'm not here to arrest you." The person pulled away from her, and Sokoya carefully turned around, staring down the other. At first she paused, thinking the other was another drow, before she caught on soon enough. There were traces of drow heritage to be sure--a red tint to the eyes, skin a bit more grey than most elves, hair a bit lighter--but the person in front of her was clearly a surface elf. That didn't help her nerves at all, really. Especially not now that she was disarmed.

"Not from around here, are you?" The elf asked with a small smile, half mocking and half genuine. The smile soon faded however, as a small commotion outside signalled the guard was getting closer to searching this area. The elf gave a small jerk of their head towards further in the alley before quickly heading off in that direction, and Sokoya saw little reason to not follow. The alternative was waiting for the guard to catch her, after all. The elf soon led her to a concealed hatch in the alley wall, completely hidden if you weren't looking for it. They slipped inside and Sokoya followed after just a brief hesitation, the elf closing the hatch after the two of them. The inside was a dark passage, lined with stone and with very little light.

"I think you might've set the record for the quickest someone set off the guard, friend. You definitely made our job harder today, too. The guard's looking everywhere for you. From what we heard though, you didn't do much, huh? Bunch of racist pricks, really. Name's Wrathcatcher, by the way," the elf said, idly looking over Sokoya's dagger before back up at the drow. In the dim light of the passage, the elf's eyes were glowing, and Sokoya knew hers were as well. "...Sokoya, Sokoya Yulijalil Ra'riithel," she replied after a short time, and awkwardly extended her hand. Wrathcatcher had saved her, and especially after she attacked them, being polite seemed the least she could do. The elf didn't shake her hand, just passing her the dagger back after a few short moments. Sokoya paused, before putting it away, a silence falling over the two as Wrathcatcher looked her over.

"So, Soko, tell me. What's a drow doing on the surface, anyway? I mean I get enough shit for being partial drow, so I can only imagine it's worse for you. The way I see it, though, you're causing us a bit of trouble either way, since you're stirring up the guard and now you know about this passage here. So I'm thinking.....you join us, or at least become a client of ours, and maybe we don't tell the guard where you are, and help you out. What do you say? Street rats like us gotta stick together, hm?" Wrathcatcher said as Sokoya stared for a few moments, the drow and dragonborn in her head quickly debating on if this was a good idea. Eventually, she nodded.

She had told Wrathcatcher the gist of her situation--or at least, the parts about information gathering--and the two had worked out a partnership from there. Wrathcatcher and their friends, who Sokoya very quickly learned made up a successful thieves guild, would keep ears out and find out information for her, as long as Sokoya could keep coin heading their way. They also set Sokoya up with some documents about nearby cities and the like and the sort of people to avoid both because of her race or because they were corrupt enough to warrant a warning. It wasn't a relationship of boss and employees of course, so much as mutual respect because of the need to survive. It was almost like being back home with Misery and her grandmother, really. A bunch of people on the more unfortunate side of things banding together to make it through the world.

"Hey Soko, something on your mind? You look pretty pleased," came a voice from behind her, making Sokoya jump in surprise at first as she looked behind her. It seemed every time they met, Wrathcatcher was getting better at sneaking up on her, and she still didn't have a chance at catching their reflexes without her time powers, either. They still wore a small grin, though Sokoya had come to learn that behind that mask was a sharp mind analyzing every interaction, always on the lookout for danger. It was how her friend had come to survive so long, after all. 

"Just remembering a fool with a knife," Sokoya replied calmly, turning to face Wrathcatcher fully. She held the bag of coins up, shaking it a bit to let them clink against each other. "The usual amount. Anything new to report? How're your friends doing?" She asked, before tossing the bag over. Wrathcatcher snatched the bag out of mid-air and tossed it back and forth between their hands as they weighed it and thought things over. After a short time, they pocketed it and shrugged. 

"Things have been a bit quiet lately, Joleyne's been crying that her newspaper's going to die out if things keep up like this," Wrathcatcher said. Sokoya opened her mouth to protest the lack of news, but the elf cut her off. "Hey now, have I ever disappointed you? Don't answer that. Penwriggle's been teasing that he's got another book that's being published, but more to the point he's been getting a bit more cozy with the captain of the guard. It'll be nice to have one of our people on the inside, and for now I can tell you the guard's being criticized for how it's handling the races around. There's some town a few days out that I guess has a bunch of adventurers joining it and most are tieflings, apparently. It's making things more awkward for the guard, so it might just be safe for you to explore the city on your own after a while."

Wrathcatcher paused, looking a bit uncertain before continuing. "There's also a new person of interest out west. Calls themselves 'Avast 88th Sea'. I think they're a bit of an ass, but they're a sailor's apprentice. The guildmaster's brought them in as one of us, and they're a pretty nice connection to the sea and beyond. On that note, apparently there's been a lot more raider activity across the sea. Not sure if it's headed in this direction yet, but it's at least getting closer to their ports. Rumor is that it's just as much humans and the like as it is goblins and orcs. Kind of weird to hear about them being organized like that. Oh, and there's apparently supposed to be some nobility coming through town in a few weeks. Said something about visiting that town--Mourning Ridge?--while visiting too. Might be a good idea to pay attention to that, as long as, you know, you don't mention knowing anything if anything of theirs goes missing," Wrathcatcher said with a wink. Sokoya frowned, none of this was really anything she could act on. It would be nice to visit the city properly, though. Still, it was better than nothing. If she really could visit the city before too much longer, she could expand her information network, at the very least.

"Well, keep some ears out for me, would you? I'll see you again next week, yes?" Sokoya asked, gathering her things as she got ready to head off. Wrathcatcher put a hand out though to stop her, taking a bag from their shoulder and holding out a small package bound in parchment. Sokoya looked at it, then up at Wrathcatcher questioningly. 

"The boss said to give you this, said 'consider it an offer'. It's a bunch of coin and information that I didn't have," Wrathcatcher said, and Sokoya stared for a moment longer. She had been asked multiple times to join the Guild, and each time turned them down, but never had they given her anything beyond information. "Soko, babe, we're not dumb. We know you're not staying in town--guard's too full of racist pricks for that, and you're too healthy to be hiding out in the woods. Mourning Ridge's the closest town to us, so we know that's where you're probably from," Wrathcatcher said, their smile replaced with a more serious look now. "That's fine and all, but remember that we've got your back if you ever need it, yeah? As far as we're concerned, you're one of us street rats. That being said....If you wanted to do us a favor and do for us in Mourning Ridge what we do for you here, we could probably just drop the whole payment thing entirely. You don't have to join the Thieves' Guild entirely, and we're not really asking you to steal anything, just....give us another branch to our network, yeah? Just some information. Think on it at least, will you?" They said, before heading towards the nearby ladder to the alley.

"And....Soko, you don't have to say yes, we can keep things the way they are now, but if you ever want to be part of the family properly, just let us know. If nothing else, we work for clients, but we protect our family," they said, before slipping out of sight down the ladder as Sokoya clutched the package tighter.

[thebeautyoftorah]

NITZAVIM

bs'd

Shalom. l'm very happy to announce that my newest book 'Healing Anger' just came out. A practical guide completely based on Torah sources to overcome anger and acquire real peace of mind. This the link in Feldheim publishers http://www.feldheim.com/healing-anger.html If you want to buy it from me in Israel let me know. This article is based on the teachings of R’ Yonatan Gefen Feel free to forward these words of Torah to any other fellow Jew. Enjoy and Shabat Shalom. NITZAVIM - THE RESPONSIBILITY IS ONLY MINE  

The Torah tells us [1]: “This mitzva that I command you today - it is not hidden from you and it is not distant. It is not in heaven, [for you] to say, ‘who can ascend to the heaven for us and take it for us, so that we can listen to it and perform it?’” What is the mitzva that the Torah refers to in this passuk? The Ramban writes that it is the mitzva of teshuva (to repent); the Torah is telling us that teshuva is not distant or something that is out of our grasp,  rather it is easily attainable only if we make the effort[2]. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz zt"l asks, if the mitzva of teshuva is so easy to fulfill why are there so few people who can do teshuva properly, everyone knows that they make mistakes so why do they not admit their error and repent?! [3]                       The following Midrash about the story of Kayin and Hevel can help us answer this question: After Kayin killed Hevel, Hashem did not punish him instantly, rather He asked him “where is Hevel your brother?” Kayin famously answered, “am I my brother’s keeper?”[4] The Midrash gives more details of Kayin’s reply: “You are the protector of all life, and You are asking me?!.. I killed him but You gave me the evil inclination, You are supposed to protect everyone and You let me kill him, You are the one that killed him… had You accepted my offering like his, I would not have been jealous of him[5].” Why didn’t Kayin do teshuva for his horrible act? Because he refused to accept culpability for his role in the murder. He even blamed it on G-d! We can now answer our initial question as to why so few people do teshuva properly. We are generally aware that we commit transgressions but there is one factor that prevents us from repenting properly, the ability to accept that the ultimate responsibility for our actions lies with us and us alone. There are many factors to which we can easily attribute our flaws; whether it be our natural inclinations, upbringing, or our society, we find it extremely hard to accept ultimate responsibility for our failings. The prerequisite for teshuva is recognition that 'I could have done better; I could have overcome my yetser hara (evil inclination) and not sinned.’ Without the ability to make this difficult admission we cannot begin to repent properly but with it teshuva is attainable. This inability to admit our guilt lies at the core of the first and most decisive sin in human history which plagues us to this very day - that of Adam HaRishon. We traditionally attribute Adam’s sin to his disobeying Hashem’s instructions not to eat from the fruit, and it was this that caused Adam and Chava to be expelled from Gan Eden with all the accompanying negative consequences. They were not punished immediately after the sin. Rather, Hashem engaged Adam in conversation, giving him the opportunity to admit his mistake. However, Adam did not accept this reprieve, instead he said, “the woman whom You gave me to be with, gave me of the tree and I ate[6].” Adam denied responsibility for his sin, shifting it onto Chava and even Hashem himself for giving her to him initially. Then G-d turned to Chava, also giving her an opportunity to repent and she also declined the offer, saying, “the serpent deceived me and I ate[7].” Only then  Hashem punished them for the sin. It is clear that had they taken responsibility for their actions when G-d confronted them, then surely the punishment would have been far lighter. Who knows how different the course of history could have been! We see from the stories of Adam and Kayin that the ability to admit one’s mistakes is perhaps even more important than not sinning! Indeed we all err at some point, it is whether we can stand up and admit the truth for our actions that is the true judge of our spiritual level. It was only several hundred years after the sad beginning of history that a man arose who would shoulder the responsibility for his actions and fix the mistake of Adam HaRishon. The Tosefta[8] says “why did Yehuda merit the Kingship? Because he admitted his actions in the incident of Tamar.” Tamar was about to be burned at the stake for her alleged act of adultery, when she gave Yehuda the chance to admit to his part in the events. He could have easily remained quiet, thereby sentencing three souls to death - Tamar and the twins inside her. However, in a defining moment in history, he bravely accepted accountability, saying, “she is right, it is from me[9].” It is no co-incidence that this was the key moment in producing the seed of Mashiach. We know that Mashiach is the person who will bring mankind back to its pristine state of before the sin, rectifying the mistake of Adam and Chava. The way in which to repair the damage done by a sin is by correcting the negative character trait displayed in that sin. As we have seen, the main flaw present in Adam’s sin was an inability to accept responsibility for mistakes, therefore Yehuda’s success in taking responsibility for his actions was an ideal rectification. The intrinsic connection between Mashiach and taking responsibility continued strongly among Yehuda’s most distinguished descendant, David Hamelech. The Gemara[10] tells us that Shaul sinned once and subsequently lost his kingdom, whereas David sinned twice and remained king. Why was Shaul treated so much more harshly than David? Shmuel confronted Shaul after he had not destroyed all of Amalek as he was commanded. But instead of admitting his mistake, Shaul justified his actions, denying he even sinned. Then he blamed it on the people for pressuring him to leave over some of Amalek’s animals to be offerings. After a lengthy back and forth, Shaul finally did repent but it was too late and Shmuel informed him that he had lost his right to the kingship. In contrast, after David’s sin in the incident of Batsheva, The prophet Natan sternly rebuked him for his actions, and David immediately replied[11], “I have sinned to Hashem.” David showed his willingness to take responsibility for his mistakes by immediately admitting his guilt unlike Shaul. Therefore he was forgiven and given another chance to continue as King. Moreover, the kabbalistic sources write that David Hamelech is a gilgul (reincarnation) of Adam HaRishon and that his purpose was to rectify Adam’s sin. It seems very apparent that one of the main ways in which David HaMelech rectified the sin was by taking responsibility for his error immediately. We live in a society that shuns the concept of responsibility - many educated people claim that no-one can be held liable for his behavior. They argue that essentially we do not have any free will, the person that we become is predestined based on our background, upbringing, genetics and society. Consequently, criminals can be excused of their crimes on the basis that they really had no choice in the matter, and people can tolerate the failings in their relationships and character traits as being unavoidable. The Torah outlook strongly rejects this view. If a person is brave enough to admit that he can do better only then Hashem will surely help him do so. We see this from the Gemara[12] about Elazar ben Durdaya. He was a man who was steeped in immorality, however, he suddenly came to a realization of the error of his ways. The Gemara then proceeds to tell us how he tried to gain forgiveness for his sins. He sat between a mountain and a hill and asked them to request rachamim (mercy) for him but they refused. He then asked the heavens and earth to request rachamim for him but they also refused. He finally turned to the sun and the moon but they also refused to help him. Rav Yissochor Frand Shlita brings an explanation of this Gemara. The different things that he asked to pray for him represent different influences on his life; he was trying to shift responsibility for his behavior onto them. The mountain and hill represent his parents. He argued that his upbringing was responsible for his dire situation, but they refused to acknowledge their guilt. He then turned to the heavens and earth, that represent his environment and tried to blame that for his actions, but they also would not accept responsibility for his sins. He finally turned to the sun and the moon who represent his mazal, his natural inclinations, and claimed that it was impossible to avoid sinning because of his nature. But again, they would not accept culpability for his behavior. Then the Gemara states that he said “this thing is only dependent on myself.” He finally acknowledged that there was only one source responsible for his sins - himself. He could not blame his parents, society or his nature, he realized that he had the power to change his ways and he did so. He then did teshuva shelema and his soul returned to heaven and a Bat Kol(heavenly voice) came out, proclaiming that Rebbi Elazar ben Durdaya has a place in Olam Haba. The commentaries note that the Bat Kol called him 'Rebbi’ because he is our Rebbi in teshuva - he teaches us that the only way to do proper teshuva is to admit that the ultimate responsibility for our behavior lies only with ourselves. If we can do this, then we can hope to do teshuva shelema and it will help us to have a more favorable judgment in Rosh Hashana. ________________________________ [1] Nitzavim 30:11-12. [2] Ramban, ibid. [3] Sichot Mussar Maamar 97, p.410. [4] Bereshit 4:9. [5] Midrash Tanchuma. [6] Bereshit 3:12. [7] Ibid 3:13. [8] Tosefta Berachot, ch.4, hal 16. [9] Bereshit 38:36. [10] Yomah 22b. See Rashi, ad loc. [11] II Shmuel  12:13. [12] Avoda Zara 17ª. Le Iluy nishmat Eliahu ben Simcha, Mordechai ben Shlomo, Perla bat Simcha, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Moshe ben Gila,Yaakov ben Gila, Sara bat Gila, Yitzchak ben Perla, Leah bat Chavah, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Itamar Ben Reb Yehuda, Yehuda Ben Shmuel Tzvi, Tova Chaya bat Dovid. Refua Shelema of Yaacov ben Miriam, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Gila bat Tzipora, Tzipora bat Gila, Dvir ben Leah, Elimelech Dovid ben Chaya Baila, Noa bat Batsheva Devorah and Dovid Yehoshua ben Leba Malka. Atzlacha to Shmuel ben Mazal tov and Zivug agun to Marielle Gabriela bat Gila, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Yehudit bat Malka, Elisheva bat Malka.

[izzyovercoffee]

Do you have any ships in the clone wars/repcom fandom?

DO I

TBH I have a really… really long list of ships. I’m one of those people that could potentially ship anyone/everyone given enough time to come up with at least vaguely acceptable reasoning. 

I mean … I’m the one behind the ship of Mereel and The Stars so I don’t … uh, have a whole lot of requirements for shipping.

My lines are: Everyone is an Adult at time of ship; and any potentially coercive relationships are written with a very clear, honest presentation and understanding of that coercive nature (zero tolerance policy for romanticizing abuse).

Fair warning, though: I do have clone/clone ships, too, and I know that makes people uncomfortable — hence the warning. And for the record, any of the below ships? I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. B’)

I also … have Mereel listed kind of a lot in here. He just has so much love to give, okay. B’)

and under a cut bc damn this got long

Republic Commando: 

Mereel and the Stars

Stars. Ka’ra. Ruling Council of Fallen Leaders. 

When Mand’alore die, it’s said they ascend to the stars. Is that where it ends, really, or do they become something more, something greater than they were in life? And if they do — do they interact with the people?

Do they keep favorites? Do they adore and adulate their champions?

And how difficult, exactly, is that relationship for the mortal who can’t quite reach out and touch the one he loves most?

Ordo and Besany

like honestly my OTP for the longest time lmao 

I never finished my ‘Are These For Me?’ 30 drabbles for them … but maybe one day. One day.

Fi and Ordo

Boy meets Boy. Boy compliments Boy’s skirt. Boy hugs other Boy so hard they hit the floor.

#true love

Besany, Fi, Ordo

Besany is the type of person who is so kind, and so considerate, and so understanding. And Fi … he needs that. He needs it just as much as Ordo needs it, and as they need each other, and Besany. 

Some might not find a closed polytriad “normal,” but if it works for them, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business. 

Darman and Etain 

My heart constantly breaks for them. They deserved so much better than what they got, and it kills me.

And their relationship was so … so good. So good, in the beginning. Tragic, what Kal did to them.

Atin and Laseema

They were lucky in that they weren’t Kal’s favorites, and so were able to fly mostly under the radar and out of his attention. Kal still held a lot of … really unhealthy financial control over them, but … I genuinely feel that Atin and Laseema could relate deeply on several levels.

They have… compatible demons, for lack of a better term. They balance each other. And Laseema was always an interesting character I wish we could learn more of — and her friendships with the rest of the clan. After all, she seemed to be the one in active communication with everyone. 

Niner and Boss

Listen … I love this ship. I feel like there’s a lot of UST going on whenever they’re onscreen, and it’s an interesting sort of dichotomy that goes on between them — two sergeants of two squads whose trainers viciously hated each other during training days. 

There’s a competitiveness there that can’t really be quashed, but there’s also an understanding that exists between them that’s unique to their experiences.

Jaing and Kom’rk

This is one of those incredibly obscure, controversial ships. 

Full disclosure: this is a pretty fucked up ship, and it’s mostly from the perspective of “wow, that’s kinda fucked up.” I don’t expect anyone else to ship it, and I don’t generally expect people to be down w/ it or write it, either. If they do, the fucked-up part needs to be recognized and recognizable, however obliquely, or it just doesn’t work. 

They’re two very damaged people, there’s no use shying away from that. 

I fell into this ship by total accident, going through all the nulls’ tags on ao3 years ago and stumbled on one fic, and like … since then, I haven’t really been able to climb out this hole.  

Corr, Ruusan, and Jilka

I am not a fan of Corr and Jilka, alone.

That said … I am a fan of Corr and Ruusan, of Jilka and Ruusan, and … of the potential dynamics of this poly combination, with the given that Jilka and Corr remain platonic as opposed to romantic. 

It just feels more … balanced? Also Rev @thesummerstorms and Gena @cassiansfuzzyjacket explain it way better than I do.

RepComm crack!ships:

these are very, very clearly not-canon and not to ever be taken as canon (by me, at least?) but damn. they’re nice to think about, and try to come up with ways in which it might work.

Etain and Mereel

“WHAT THE FUCK IZZY?” I KNOW! I KNOWWWWWW

But more seriously … Mereel was there every day for Etain during a very, very difficult time (the months after her almost-miscarriage). Of all the characters in the series during the course of the series, after Etain and Darman, Etain and Mereel spend the most unobstructed alone time together (about three months?) — and we would never know because, lol, the pacing and timeline of the series is not really presented in a way that makes that noticeable.

Mereel also does something with Etain he doesn’t do with anyone else, ever, that we see in the series: admit vulnerability. He’s genuinely vulnerable with her, in a way that he is not with anyone else. That means something — especially given the context that he doesn’t open up with anyone else, not his brothers, and never Kal. 

Someone that Mereel can be genuinely vulnerable with? That he must trust, implicitly, to share that vulnerability? 

And then you have Etain, who is isolated after the mess of pregnancy news blows up. She’s someone who doesn’t have anyone she can trust, or depend on, who isn’t looking to use her in some way — or someone that she can be equally open and honest with — in those months … right up until Mereel (and Rav), when she’s evac’d to Kyrimorut.

And when she is, she’s treated like a whole person. Not someone who’s just a vessel for a potential, not someone to be used or leveraged for misogynistic reasons. A genuine, whole, person who is highly intelligent, highly capable — and treated as an actual equal. She was not given that respect since the conclusion of Hard Contact (except, briefly, when hunting with Vau).

The whole situation, as terrible as it all is, allows for the foundation of genuine, real, trust to form between them.

There’s a lot of … well, there’s a lot of potential there. A lot of room for complications and conflicted feelings and angst — UST and one-sided pining and mixed signals and confusion and just raw feeling — and it’s all things that don’t necessarily need to be resolved negatively (or right away, or at all), that don’t have to end in heartbreak, that can be just as it is: complicated feelings that begin during a difficult time and, given room to grow, become something else or something more many, many years down the line.

Mereel and Boss

Don’t even look at me.

So this ship came as a result of SW RP (bc of course it did) and, tbh, they have a lot of … difficult commonalities and clashes of personality. Boss is a difficult man with a lot on his shoulders — a lot of responsibility, a lot of stress, just … a lot. And Mereel? Mereel is someone good at managing stress — out of necessity, and practice, and effort.

And the thing with Mereel is he’s fun, he’s easy, and he demands nothing. Boss doesn’t need to take care of him, because Mereel can take care of himself — and sometimes Mereel can take care of Boss, whether he likes it, or not (or likes to say he doesn’t when he does).

Boss certainly needs someone like that, especially after long days and hard nights with other people always needing him, depending on him. It’s good, it’s necessary, to have someone for whom he can truly relax and let his guard down around — that he can trust implicitly, and be allowed to be vulnerable, to have his ugly parts exposed, and still be loved unconditionally, because that’s just what Mereel’s best at doing.

Parja and Mereel

“SERIOUSLY?” LISTEN

This also came as a result of SW RP, and mostly takes place in an AU where … Parja and Fi’s relationship inevitably crumbles, and they split — but they split amicably, and remain friends. Parja remains a mechanic and never is forced to give up her shop because of (poor misogynistic writing and) Kal. 

Mereel and Parja and Bardan are all particularly good friends and get up to all kinds of nonsense and pranks, and prank wars.

And … sometimes, late nights spent tinkering on separate projects in the same space, late nights working on the same projects, late nights spent together — and sometimes Mereel can’t quite come clean that he needs someone, that well after the conclusion of the war he needs physical contact in order to sleep.

And after the end of what Parja put too much stock and energy into what she hoped would be a sure future, a sure thing — maybe it hurts too much to sleep alone, but it’s too much of a risk to fill that empty space with romance when she’s not ready. Why not someone she trusts, that she knows would never, not ever, not in a million years, ever cross that boundary — someone who would never violate that trust, never take the invitation to share her bed as anything more than just that: a mutually beneficial way to get some rest.

Sometimes feelings happen. Gradually, and slow, and sneaks up on even the most vigilant. After a while, it becomes expected. After a while, it becomes wanted. After a while, they become needed.

other ships I’ve fallen into that I don’t have time/want to explain:

FI AND SEV

Atin/Sev

Sev/Boss

Scorch/Sev

MAZE/ZEY

Jaing/Sev

Fixer/peace of mind

Uthan/Mij (but way more hostile on Uthan’s part)

Walon/his star-crossed princess (literally, a real thing. I can’t get over how this is an actual thing)

Clone Wars:

admittedly, it’s been a while since I watched the series all the way through, but … repeating the warning for clone/clone bc that’s a thing in here, and the explanations are shorter bc, again, it’s been a while.

Marshal Commander Cody and Captain Rex

Their personalities mesh so well together, and honestly they’re just … so compatible ??? They also work so well together, went through training together … if there’s anyone Rex can really trust implicitly, it’s Cody.

Their friendship grows over the series and expanded (Legends) materials, and just … it works, in the way they need it to work.

Echo and Fives

Just punch me right in the chest.

really any combination from Domino Squad

because we all need tragedy in our hearts

General Aayla Secura and Commander Bly

You know … for the most part, I’m a little leery on ships like this where there’s a clear and obvious potential for really serious coercion. Most Clone/Jedi-who-are-their-direct-superiors tend to fall into this category.

but I’m just a sucker for Bly-post-war angst, for the conflict of fraternizing with a superior, with trying to navigate that Aayla really did have his life in her hands, and then the conflict of navigating those feelings surrounding killing her at the end of the war.

I’m a terrible person.

Duchess Satine Kryze and Obi-wan Kenobi

let me just like … repeat the above. My one thing about this is that I hate how Satine was killed off for Kenobi-man-pain, and generally only want to know stories that you know … fix-it, lmao, or give her a more respectable death that was written with better care to her character and her arc

Ventress and Obi-wan Kenobi

All of that flirting went fuck and nowhere. What a hugely missed opportunity — especially when Ventress was trying to work towards being better, or making a life for herself, turn over a new leaf or whatever.

I mean, we all know she hangs out in the kind of tapcafs Kenobi loves to get drunk in, let’s be honest with ourselves.

clone wars crack!ships :

I’m sorry in advance lmao

Captain Rex and Lieutenant Mereel

“What the hell.” Listen.

“Did this come out of SW RP?” HOW DID YOU GUESS.

Much like the other ships with Mereel, it’s all contingent on … Mereel operating as a free agent — a solo operator. Mereel pulling strings and favors across the GAR to make things just a little bit easier for Rex, for clearing up or speeding up administrative bull shit so that Rex can focus on getting what he needs for his men in a reasonable amount of time — or free up some time for himself.

And with the way Mereel’s … operations tend to go, paths sometimes cross that didn’t before. 

Anyway, who doesn’t like camping?

Quinlan Voss and Obi-wan Kenobi

Listen … they have a kind of fun playfully antagonistic thing going on. I don’t know if I could ever seriously ship it, mostly bc everyone who falls in love with either of them straight up die, so we come to a “unstoppable force vs immovable object” impasse if this ship ever actually came to fruition.

that and fandom can be kinda … gross w/ this ship sometimes so I’ve been avoiding it lately for that reason.

Senator Padme Amidala and Duchess Satine Kryze

how can anyone watch the episodes where they’re together and not see how good they are together. and like, the men in their lives, cause their deaths. so why not just … leave their men for each other?

Everyone wins.

not exactly clone wars honorable mention:

Ahsoka Tano and Kaeden Larte

I ship it so hard. if only !!! if only they didn’t meet when they did, when Ahsoka wasn’t as wounded, still, from the fallout of the end of The Clone Wars. and all of that tragedy. i just.

I just !!! ugh. they’re so good together.

aaand I think that’s all of them, or at least all that I can remember off the top of my head for now.

[rabbiandrewrosenblatt]

The Power of Resilience

Co-written with Terry S. Neiman

One of the most important social issues today is the politics of power. We see this in the so-called “me too” moment with its revelations of systemic sexism, and in the struggles of Black Lives Matter. However, we should also consider the unintended effects of reversals of power in response to those movements. In The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting Up a Generation for Failure civil liberties activist Greg Lukianoff and moral psychologist Jonathan Haidt take aim at how the way people communicate about power has become as much of a problem as the abuse of power itself.

Their work began as an article in The Atlantic and is the result of Haidt’s professional observations. His job is to protect students from abuses of power by professors, to safeguard their academic freedom. He found that students were complaining about the oppressive effects of their professors’ use of language. The main buzzwords of concern in this discourse are microaggression and trigger warnings.  

Microaggression refers to the use of everyday words and phrases that might seem harmless, but that communicate prejudice and hostility toward someone’s identity or orientation. The term was coined by Chester M. Pierce - an African American psychiatrist at Harvard in the 1970s. When a male professor directs his female teaching assistant to bring him a cup of coffee, it can be experienced as a microaggression, because it reinforces old stereotypes about women being subservient to men in the workplace. Because it is a small, everyday thing, the incident goes unchallenged. By going unchallenged, it becomes reinforced, and normalized.

Lately, microaggression has become closely linked to the notion of intersectionality. This term, coined by UCLA and Columbia law professor Kimberlé Crenshaw, refers to how systems of power intersect to reinforce and multiply biases against marginalized groups. When a light-skinned, male professor directs his dark-skinned, female teaching assistant to get him a cup of coffee, it can be experienced as a mutual reinforcement of racism and sexism.

Trigger warnings are alerts that something is about to be said or shown that might traumatize some listeners/viewers/readers. In theory, if a male bible professor were to teach the story of the rape of Dinah, it might cause some students to experience a microaggression. In this case, the mention of the word rape is held to be a trigger that could cause victims of sexual violence to become re-traumatized. Also, in theory, others could become traumatized on their behalf – a kind of victimization by proxy. The dogma of trigger warnings states that the professor should issue a disclaimer or trigger warning that today’s lesson will contain material traumatic for some readers/listeners/viewers.

Microaggression, trigger warnings, and intersectionality have become integrated in the dogma of the social justice activism in post-secondary education. This is how our future leaders are being trained. It is a dogmatic, unforgiving culture of ideological correctness. Lukianoff and Haidt cite an example at Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis (IUPUI).

[IUPUI] found a white student guilty of racial harassment for reading a book titled Notre Dame vs. the Klan. The book honored student opposition to the Ku Klux Klan when it marched on Notre Dame in 1924. Nonetheless, the picture of a Klan rally on the book’s cover offended at least one of the student’s co-workers (he was a janitor as well as a student), and that was enough for a guilty finding by the university’s Affirmative Action Office.

Lukianoff and Haidt widen their focus to show that the culture of protection and coddling is happening in tandem with a sea-change in how children are being raised and how it affects their mental health.  

They cite 1995 as the watershed year. People born before 1995 show greater resilience and profoundly fewer mood disorders such as anxiety and depression than those born after 1995.  There are differences both in behaviors and in outcomes. For example, those born before 1995 tended to get their driver’s licence on their 16th birthday; those born after 1995 - dubbed Generation Z - tended to wait until they had more supervision as learners. The members of Gen Z don’t go out as much, they don’t seek jobs as much, and they tend to be socially risk-averse.

Mental health outcomes related to trigger issues for Generation Z are getting worse. They suffer from exponentially higher rates of mood disorders such as anxiety and depression, even as other mental health diagnoses – e.g., bipolar disorder and schizophrenia - remain the same. This is especially prevalent for young women, where hospitalizations for self-harm have been found to be profoundly more common since 2011.  

Haidt - who himself suffered from depression - found that the most effective therapy for mood disorders and anxiety is to not avoid risks, but to develop resilience by taking risks. Thus, removing the representation of aggressions found in nursery rhymes, or the bible, or on the cover art of Notre Dame vs. the Klan is entirely wrongheaded. It is the exact opposite of what today’s university students need.

On the whole, the intent of trigger warnings and the appeal to fight microaggression and intersectional oppression are important, and just causes. However - and this is a big however - in practice they fall short of their purported goals. One problem is that it is impossible to warn an audience that rape will be discussed, without somehow imparting to them enough specifics about what will be discussed to actually warn them.

Another problem is that the backlash by social justice empowered students against teachers is a bad kind of quid-pro-quo. It in effect causes the students to exercise the same abuses of power that they have been taught have been perpetrated against them by broad forces of patriarchy, colonialism, white privilege, and even Zionism.

A colleague who teaches on issues of gender reports being criticized by students for committing microaggressions. For example, asserting that not only those who identify as “women” can be pregnant, students critiqued her use of the phrase “pregnant women,” which she should replace with their preferred language of “pregnant people.” This is a power issue for her, in part, because those evaluations figure into her performance reviews, and the students know it.

Our colleague, a scholar and researcher, concludes that the language of social justice activism “works analytically to a degree, but it is merely a tool, not a valid theory.” In other words, the language and discourse of social justice activism – intersectionality, trigger warnings, and microaggression – has changed from insightfully descriptive tools to dangerously prescriptive dogmas. This is so prevalent and oppressive that our colleague asked not to named, fearing backlash from students, other faculty, or people who have other political axes to grind.

We think this lesson follows very closely with how Torah scholarship understands the language and politics of power. Consider how Rav Yaakov Medan reads the Joseph story. He notes that Joseph and his brothers begin to overtake patriarch Jacob’s leadership of the family. From the story’s outset, Jacob’s leadership - or at least perceived leadership - is waning.

For some time, Jacob's household had been pervaded with a sense that Jacob - the patriarch and head of the household - was gradually losing his leadership ability. It is unclear where this feeling began. Perhaps it was his numerous - perhaps too numerous - bowings before Esav; Jacob may have lost his authority in the eyes of his own household at that time. Faced with the atrocity of Shekhem, he remained silent until his sons returned; they spoke in his place and Shimon and Levi then went out and acted without asking his permission. Reuven, too - in his act concerning Bilha - rebelled against his father's authority, ... In the story of the sale of Joseph and the taking of Binyamin to Egypt, Yehuda leads the family while Jacob is dragged along, almost unwillingly.

Joseph, already wearing the coat of many coloured leadership, and inspired by a set of dreams that places him at the helm of the family, may be making himself ready for the executive suite of his own family. However, he is still a pup, still a נער [a lad] in the words of the Torah.  He needs to grow up, needs to be challenged by life experience. He gets those in good measure, in a series of aggressions that no one would ever wish upon their child.

There is a strong lesson in resilience and growth to be found here. There are no shortcuts to growth. One cannot bubble-wrap the hard lessons. Much of who we become and what makes us wise and robust comes through our actual encounters with risk, adversity, conflict, and challenge. This lesson takes broader significance in the promise made to Abraham that his children will merit the legacy of the Torah and the land of Israel because they will suffer in Egypt. Our suffering has proven to be essential to our growth. Gd’s way of lecturing us – tough loving, respectful – through the stories of the bible is a model for how we should teach and learn life’s lessons.

The good news is that we do not have to inflict hardships on anyone on purpose. Life brings each of us enough growth-inducing hardships naturally. The Torah teaches us two key points in this regard. First, we must be kind in all our dealings. That means that there can be no hierarchies of power or quid-pro-quos of oppression when it comes to human rights, the dignity of the individual, or social justice. Second, we must understand that a Torah approach to learning is transcendent. Today’s narrative of oppression is narrow and myopic by comparison. It is too easily co-opted from a useful analytical tool to a dogma that seeks to redistribute abusive power from one group to another. The Torah’s stories might seem dated and simple, but they are complex and timeless.

[captainalwayslazycollectort-blog]

Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

"Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

Ok so this is my first car and these are all the cars I like and can get. So could someone plz tell me which is cheaper insurance for a 17 yr old girl and which is cheaper on petrol? Thank you xox

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Its silver and just a standard model (not sport or anything extra etc..) And is from 2002 (51 reg) any help appriecated thanks :)

Where to find affordable complete health insurance?

i am looking fior affordable health insurance, like as in family. i am looking online, but so far have come up with nothing. they are dropping my insurance at work, so i need to find something. if i have to go online to find it, that is ok.""

What is the insurance on a Yamaha R1?

I am thinking about buying a 2001 Yamaha R1. I am 18 years old. I have a clean driving record and have never been pulled over. (Knock on wood) I have a car already, if that matters. I would like to get it insured if possible. How much do you think the insurance will be a month/year? Also, what would be a good company? *Before you answer please I don't want your opinion on if it's a good idea to get the bike because I've seen a lot of answered on opinion of bikes and not what the insurance will be.""

Online Quote hase gone up 20 after modifying it and running another through. Why?

I got a online insurance quote, modified the quote,mileage, excess. Tried a new quote price is 20 more now, why is that? Will it go back to the original price?""

Male/female insurance question?

Is there a statistic that says how much or by what percentage female drivers is cheaper than male drivers? Are there any websites that show statistics similar to this about gender related insurance/driving? Thanks.

Which insurance company in Ireland provides the cheapest car insurance and best service?

Which insurance company in Ireland provides the cheapest car insurance and best service?

Buying a motorcycle and driving without insurance in ontario?

I was considering to buy a motorcycle in ontario a cbr125r, and if i do make the purchase and drive without insurance, how much could i be fined? and im 18 and i would be considered to be a new driver, how much does motorcycle insurance typical cost for a year?""

""No vehicle, Need SR22 Or Non Owners Bond? Ohio.?""

Situation- September 2009 I got my license suspended due to an OVI. I live with my parents whom own vehicles but I do not have one in my name. I am in the military, and my mother is ill. Both need me to get my license so your information is much appreciated. I want to get my license reinstated so I can drive my mothers vehicle when required. I am not sure where to get a non owners bond, or the correct SR22. I have called insurance companies and they say they cannot help me. I know I need to pay the reinstatement fee and provide proof of FR. Does the Non owners bond count as FR. Can I drive legally with it or do I need an insurance policy on top of that. Thank you for your help.""

How does paying higher health insurance premiums and having to help pay the trillion dollar cost of Obamacare?

Make health care more affordable ? Is affordable now code for higher priced?

Classic car insurance for 18 year olds?

I was wondering whether it is possible to be put on a classic car insurance policy at 18. I've looked around and nearly all say you have to be over 25. I would like to somehow be insured on an Escort XR3i or RS turbo. I understand that because of may age this isn't going to be very easy. would it be cheaper to be a named driver if my dad owned the car ?

How much does Adderall cost?

Per pill? per prescription bottle ?

Need affordable dog insurance?

Hi I am a college student and getting a puppy soon, i need an affordable , and good dog insurance, please if you have one...give me the details and which insurance you have, i would really appreciate it. Thanks!""

What kind of insurance do you have and do you 'like' it/is it good?

I want to switch insurance companies, but I don't know how to decide what to switch to. Insurance is such a confusing thing to start with that I need to find a company that is helpful as well as affordable. I'm looking for a company to cover automobile and homeowner's insurance, and if possible life insurance too. Thanks for the help.""

Whats a good way to lower car insurance if your about to turn 16 and live in Las Vegas?

Hi! I'm about to get my license come July and I just found out I'm gonna have to pay for it by myself. Is there anything I can do to lower my insurance and what would be the best insurance brand to buy that good, not so pricey, etc. Thank you!""

Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

Ok so this is my first car and these are all the cars I like and can get. So could someone plz tell me which is cheaper insurance for a 17 yr old girl and which is cheaper on petrol? Thank you xox

Sue other persons car insurance company!

I was hit from the back while sitting in traffic and the insurance company did not pay to fix my car. how would i go about suing that insurance company and what do i need?

How much is car insurance on two vehicles in hawaii?

We need full coverage due to still paying off cars. Plus about how much to send 2 vehicles over?

Will my insurance go up if we get another car?

Ok, so im 16 and I want to know if my mom buys herself a new car and gives me her old one, will my insurance go from a part time driver to a full-time driver, EVEN if BOTH cars are in HER name. So in total, there will be 3 cars, 1 my dad's(his name) and 2 my mom's(her name) I've heard many different answers, some of which say no, and some yes. If it helps, I live near Philadelphia PA. Thanks!""

""If I got a speeding ticket in my parents car, their insurance rates with state farm will increase?""

I got a speeding ticket, driving my dad's car, their insurance rates will be affected in any way?""

""Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

Does anyone know where to get cheap UK car insurance for a 17 year old male, preferable uder 1000.?""

Need help with car insurance?

Hi. Im getting my first car insurance in Ireland, but I was disqualified of driving for 1 year in Poland. Can anybody tell me how much will this inflate my premium?""

Uninsured Motorcycle Driver Question?

Recently a friend of mine wanted to purchase a motorcycle that he found a super great deal on. Because his credit is very average he asked me to purchase the cycle and he would make me payments plus interest. I agreed and took out a loan for the bike. However a few weeks later he decided it would be ok to take the bike out for a spin UNINSURED. He had a run in with several trick or treaters and their parents. Since it was an unlit road, they were in the middle, and he was going under the speed limit. The cops ruled it not his fault. However now two insurance companies are coming after me to subrogate the liabilities. Since he was the driver but I am the owner. What are my rights? Can they still blame him? Am I liable?""

How much will insurance be for a 16 year old ?!?!?!?

Hello, please answer my question without sarcasm. ok so im 16 and 7 month, just got my license live in New york city, i will be getting a nissan maxima 97-98 a 100% when i can , can someone please tell me the estimate price that it will cost me to get it at 16, or if i wait till 17 even cause my parents say that no way in hell they can add me or let me use a car with their names =[ i have a job and am very dependent on myself , I also have a very high average if that will make insurance cheaper. Please tell me what you think and price ranges per year, and dont show me those websites that i have to fill info in to get a report of price range as i tried a lot and they support me with info at all. thanks!!!""

Why did my health insurance raise 85%?

I work for a school and our healthcare company, Cigna, raised the rates from $20 a month last year, to $130 a month this year! And a family plan through Cigna (which I had hoped to use one day) will cost more than $700 a month!! What?? The best part is, the insurance covers less than last year and has higher copays for everything ($150 for an urgent care visit as opposed to $50 previously). Can anybody explain why this is happening? I'm all for healthcare reform... Companies shouldn't be able to take advantage of hard working citizens, those less fortunate should have access to affordable healthcare, etc. But why this EXTREME hike in price for me? Please keep you anti-Affordable Health Care comments to yourself. I'm looking for a real reason why I'm seeing this huge hike. It seems like it will be cheaper if I sign up for healthcare on Healthcare.gov at this point...Pretty absurd.""

Can insurance change your vehicle designation?

repairs on my motorcycle which included frame change were authorized by my insurance. However the new frame came w/o a vin # which I had to get stamped for a new title. Now I have a specialty constructed vehicle , which is not for resale in California. is this legal?""

Is my pregnancy covered under my mother's insurance?

I just got married this past year and just found out that I am pregnant. My husband and I are freaking out because I am still under my mother's insurance. I am only 24 and supposed to be covered until I am 26. I am also a student. So question is: Is my pregnancy covered under my mother's insurance? If I am covered then for how long? till the baby gets here? Is the baby covered? If I am not covered then how can I get covered?

Denied for life insurance thru employer?

Met life denied me for life insurance. Met Life sends a denial letter to my employer....Can I get fired for that...The life insurance company stated they cannot disclose any info, however, can Human Resources call me in and ask me why? It is a company life insurance...... I would think this is a privacy or Hippa Issue......Need some help..""

Why would a African America have to pay more for car insurance?

Me and my friend writes for the school news paper. We did our own investigation like the local news will do sometimes.We both at two different times went to see a local and same agent for a car insurance quote . We are both the same age, No record of bad driving, No criminal record, also wanted insurance on the same car and same gender. The only different variable was race. I don't think time would of played part since it was only 1 hour apart. This offends me how the car companies can do this. I wondered why? Any information or missing links that can help us write this story?""

How much does insurance cost for a 2002 mitsubishi eclipse gt for a 16 year old who went through drivers ed?

How much does insurance cost for a 2002 mitsubishi eclipse gt for a 16 year old who went through drivers ed?

Lying about age to get car insurance?

Hello i was just wondering what would happen if i lied about my age only to get car insurance because my mom is having a hard time splitting an account with me and her on it but different payments. I only wanna pay mine, and she wants to pay hers.""

State Farm car insurance refund?

I had State Farm insurance. They raised my rate...I cancelled. After I cancelled they drafted my account for the amount due the following month. So I paid the new insurance and State Farm. I requested a refund for the amount drafted. They sent me a check for a little less than half of what they charged me. Wen I asked why, I was told that they had to charge me for insurance I had on my cars from the first to the sixteenth of October. The draft occurred on October 20th. I am confused. When I began my payment plan I paid a month in advance. How did my payments become a partial month in arrears? Does anyone know how these payment plans work and how to get my money back? Thanks.""

What's the difference between disability insurance and disability benefits?

What's the difference between disability insurance and disability benefits?

Vehicles with lowest insurance rates?

I live in Ontario Canada. I'm needing a car for work now. I have three tickets about two years ago; two running red light tickets and one for driving ten over the limit. I'm looking for a car that is good on gas and easier on the wallet for insurance. Thanks

What are your rights if a person's car hits you and they don't have auto insurance?

This was a non-reportable vehicle accident. The person's car who hit mine was a manual and somehow came down the hill and hit my car. No one was in that person's car. But it rolled down and hit my car. I went to a dealer to get an estimate and it was about $955. I have car insurance, but the other guy doesn't. I have full coverage, but my deductible is $1000. What are my options? The owner of that car who hit me said that he is a mechanic and can fix my car. What should I do? Should I allow him or should I ask for his certification/license? I don't know if I can trust them either. I would rather have someone else fix it. Or should I just ask him to pay for the accident since he doesn't have car insurance? Is there a way where I don't have to pay anything? Any information what so ever will help out so much. Please give as much feed back as possible. I'm really looking for some possible answers.""

Speeding ticket question on car insurance and notifications.?

Alright, so recently I recieved a speeding ticket out of my state while driving my friends car. I was wondering if this makes either his or my car insurance rates go up. Also, is there any way that our parents would be notified of this ticket? I heard a notification gets sent in the mail. Also, in the event that it does affect car insurance or a notification is sent in the mail, is there any way our parents would find out where the ticket took place? Thanks""

How much would a 2005 Honda Civic Coupe be worth?

I probably totalled my car. What is the estimated value of the car? How much do you think my insurance company will give me for a new one? Is there a site I can go to?

Which would be cheaper to insure for a 16 yr old male?

a hyundai tiburon (not gt, just the regualar one, probably a 2004 or 05 because of the added anti theft put on the car after 2003, which lowered the insurance rate) and the tiburon is NOT considered a sports car, so dont try to convince me that it is,lol. or a scion tc 2005(regualr, not gt or whatever scion calls its sport verson) i really like the scion tc but this will be my first car and i cant be picky, id have to go wtih which ever is cheaper to insure. any advice (dont tell me to buy a cheap clunker, my dad doesnt want me to get one, he wants me to find a nice, afordable car) thanks!""

What's the easiest way to get health insurance?

What's the easiest way to get health insurance?

""Pregnant, parents health insurance?""

I just found out that I am pregnant, and i am currently under my parents health insurance, I am 20 and a full time college student, will my parents insurance drop me because I am pregnant? If I quit school they will also drop me right?""

Any car insurance agents out there?

I really need someones honest opinion. My vehicle was stolen right out of my driveway a few nights ago. I am hoping that it is recovered, but in the event that it is not. How does my insurance co determine how much they will give me for the vehicle? Please explain in dumby terms because I am not in this line of work. I appreciate all the help you have to offer.""

Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

Ok so this is my first car and these are all the cars I like and can get. So could someone plz tell me which is cheaper insurance for a 17 yr old girl and which is cheaper on petrol? Thank you xox

How to get good discounts for insurance?

i am 17 years old and i am getting my license in 2 weeks so im underage and i wanna know how to get good discounts my parents have all-state i will be driving my moms car a 2004 nissan altima (4 doors) can anyone help with some tips !!!!! thank you very much

Cheap car insurance for 17 year old?

Where can I get car insurance for under 1000? Thanks x

Does this sound like a Fair price for Obamacare insurance in California?

Monthly Premium $321 Deductible $2000 Co-pay $45 Specialty care Copay $65 Generic Med $25 Max out of Pocket $6400 FYI my brother has his own general practice, he said on average he charges people without insurance abot $60-70 for an office visit (cash,check,credit card or invoice)""

How much would auto insurance cost me?

Im 16. The car im going to get is a chevy comaro 40k.? Dont tell me to go to my local car dealer thing to ask.

Young drivers car insurance?

Okay i know this has probably been asked alot but here here it is, im 19 and passed my test last month, ive been searching round on some sites but cant find anything for under 5000. Does anybody know what car is cheapest and through which insurer?""

Auto Insurance Is trying to screw me?

My insurance company totaled my 2002 audi a4 after I hit a puddle and hydro locked my engine After investigating and taking over 3 weeks to finally give me a figure they offerd me 12500 including the taxes the Kelly Blue book rates it at 14000 and the Nada Value is 15,700 I dont know what the process is but i dont understand how they can do this and its very frusterating as well as hard being without a car for over a month now the car was in great condition and had low miles for the year any advice???""

Auto Insurance Question?

Hi all, I live in California and I got in a car accident yesterday. I found out today that the insurance company suspended our insurance due to a late payment so we most likely had no coverage at the time of the accident. What are my options at this point?? The accident was not my fault and the other driver was arrested for felony DUI and they had insurance. What are my options?? Thanks in advance!""

What are some really good auto insurance companies?

I just turned 18 and my parents are basically kicking me off the insurance. i need some good but affordable car insurance (full coverage) What insurance company are you with and about how much is it a month for 1 driver?

""I am buying a used innova car, will the car insurance be in my name?

The car is having a loan of Rs 350000/- & i am planing to take over the loan. But if any thing happens to the car in the loan period will the insurance company pay to me or the owner who has made the insurance.

How do I save on auto insurance?

I want to save on auto insurance.....what factors can lower your rate? I need to know things such as an alarm, and kept in the garage, but what other factors can help me getting a low rate? Thanks everyone""

Insurance for a (2001/Y) Peugeot 206 first time buyer (17+)?

Im soon to buy a new car, and the most recent car i have been looking at has been (2001/Y) Peugeot 206, im just interested on how much the insurance will be - noting that i am a first time car buyer aged at 17, im guerssing this will dramatically raise the price ( i am nearly 18 if that changes things) any ideas on the cost of the insurance ? :)""

Car insurance and speeding points?

Hey, when I was 18 I got 3 points for speeding. It is coming up to 5 years since I got them and when doing insurance quotes it always says 'any speeding convictions within 5 years' I was just wondering, dees that mean once it has been 5 years, that I won't have to declare them anymore? and will they completely disappear from my driving record/license? Also, please no replies saying 'grow up, dont speed etc. I know, which is why I grew up and haven't for 5 years. Thanks.""

""20 years old, considering seeking psychological help but have no health insurance and low income?""

I'm a 20 year old college student who works part-time at Best Buy. I consider myself intelligent and talented but I've had difficulty focusing for as long as I can remember and have struggled to self-motivate, or maybe just to see a point to anything, for at least the last 4 years. I'm tired of feeling this way and I want to do something about it, in the form of seeking professional psychological help, but I have no health insurance and very little income. I guess what I'm looking for is any government program that might throw me a bone, any kind of budget therapy, somewhere that might give me a free consultation or diagnosis so I'd at least know what I was dealing with, or just general empathy from people my age in a similar boat.""

Can i use my financial aid money for my car insurance?

I heard that the money can be used for transportation expenses. thats what they told me during my orientation at school. is this true cause i really need to pay my car insurance

Should i get insurance or not?

Im a 17 year old girl and i recently passed my driving test in the middle of October. I've bought myself a Corsa and found that the cheapest insurance is 1500. My mum is going to pay half of this aslong as i pay the other half, tax, mot and petrol which i think is completely reasonable. I can afford all this with money I get through college, but it leaves me with pretty much zero to spare. I've applied for about 30 jobs and have got either turned down or simply no answer back. Im someone that likes to have money but i also want the freedom of being able to jump in my car and go wherever I want. Do you think I should go for it? Or wait until i find a job which will enable me to have more income?""

Insurance for my mom & me?

so say if my mom goes to get her permit could she get a insurance policy then list me as the main driver on it ? i have my licenses but i am only 17 and i can take out my own policy so could this happen ? i live in ny and since i am not 18 could this work for my mom to get her permit & get car insurance policy since she is old ?

Why is health-care so expensive?

Just last year in CA Medi-Cal (state medicaid) stop covering for dentistry and optometry for people over 21. The total cost of my dental braces is $4550. I need them so I can fix some teeth that are misaligned. I pay $100 and it seems like its a never ending balance. I been doing this for 2 years now. I have Medi-Cal because of my SSI but that doesnt cover anymore because I am 21. My mother had heart surgery in 2007 and we still haven't payed a bill. My parents don't have any insurance. They used to have Medi-Cal but when Schwarzenegger became the governor in 2003 he made some changes to the policies and they stop having Medi-Cal. She tried applying for SSI but she keeps getting denied. The republicans should stop attacking Obama and work together to pass the health-care reform.

Can I get Car Insurance in Texas without a D-License?

Can I get car insurance without a license. I'm located in Texas. Is there ways around to do it?

Can I take off car insurance if my car has been repoed?

My car has been repoed due to lack of payments and thus they repoed the car. They are even already putting it back on sale. Can I take off the car insurance, then?""

About getting a motorcycle license in CA..?

Hi,i have few questions about motorcycle: 1.If i already have a C license,do i still need to take the written test at DMV again? 2.Where can i go for the training lesson?? ( at San Francisco or bay area) 3.Which transmission i should learn first? 4.What are the brands of motorcycle other than harley davidson are popular in the US? 5. What is the approximate cost of the insurance?""

Does anyone know why a vehicle registration number doesn't show any vehicle info in an insurance quote search?

I witnessed my neighbour's son damage my car (which was parked outside my house) due to snow but by the time I got out he had already gone. So I didn't get the chance to get his registration number. I've been trying desperately to get his parents give me his registration number and insurance details or ask him to get in touch with me and they are not willing to cooperate. They are not disputing the fact but they are not giving me the information. This morning he parked his car on his parents' drive. Obviously I took the registration number and informed the policy and my insurance company. However, I tried to do a search requestin and insurance quote (just to get more info on his vehicle, such as size engine, make, type etc) but his registration number doesn't yield any information on the vehicle, as it normally happens when you look for a car insurance quote. Does anyone know why this might be the case? Many thanks Helena""

""Car accident, no insurance?""

Hi, i got into an accident Friday. I was cut off on the highway and when I went on my breaks my car started to skid out of control due to ice. A car in the left lane struck mine. I am on my fathers insurance and found out when I called my insurance company to report the accident that my policy was cancelled last July. My car and registration and insurance is all in my dads name, i am just a registered driver. If the state of RI decides to fine me for not having insurance, or the other driver decides to sue me for it, will that go against my father or myself? Thanks.""

""I moved to long island, port Jefferson area. Anyone know a really cheap auto insurance around here?

I really need one before it starts snowing..Walking and taking the bus here is a nightmare. Please help.

Im a 17 yr old lad what nice car can i get with cheep insurance?

i am 17 and realy into cars, have been for ages. i have a motor bike since i was 16 but now i want a car. and all my freinds no how much i lyk cars, and it wud be so embarasing turning up to collage in a little ford fiesta or old corsa. i can afford a nice car but insurance for even for quite crap cars have been bout 4000 quid. i started off lookin at honda crx del sol cos i realy lyk thm but insurance way too much, so thn i tried looking at old cool looking cars lyk the last mg midget but insurance still to dear, then i heard kit cars have realy cheep insurance so i looked at a gtm rossa which was realy nice but insurance still around 4000. so what car can i get what looks the part but affordable? please help""

Can You get Insured for a car thats not yours?

My girlfriends car is un insurenced and she got her L's suspended can i get insurence if im driving her car now?

Out of a mini one, mini cooper, fiat 500 and Rav-4 ?

Ok so this is my first car and these are all the cars I like and can get. So could someone plz tell me which is cheaper insurance for a 17 yr old girl and which is cheaper on petrol? Thank you xox

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/does-car-insurance-cover-vandalism-micah-beaudoin"

[abiteofnat]

BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE CALCULATED FEASTING AT TASTE OF CHICAGO... 

Because when your goal is to eat as much as possible, it becomes a game of food Sudoko. You have to manage salty with sweet, not tire yourself out with only fried foods, make sure there’s some kind of green in there, and the most important part- finding never-been-tasted tastes! After going 2-3 times a year for the past four years, it’s become difficult to find booths with new options that are both vegetarian and something I actually want to spend my golden tickets on. 

In that case, you would think going to the Taste that much would get old! But it has remained so the opposite. I see it as my Six Flags, my Lollapalooza part 1, my... DARE I SAY... Hunger Games. (HA). It’s the one weekend every year that entirely dedicates itself to food with music on the side, instead of the other way around, and brings in thousands upon thousands of people. It’s kind of cool to see people of every part of Chicago together at this f r e e festival along Columbus, with restaurants from all over offering new cuisines and experiences for every attendee. People are gnawing into turkey legs, sticking forks into three different types of cheese fries at once, and just enjoying a day out with the fam in the middle of this amazing city. Pretty cool! Even when I’m sweating like a cold beer on a hot day and little children who are not mine and covered in ~sticky~ are stuck to my legs, it’s the best thing ever. I LOVE THE TASTE.  

As per usual I ate a large amount of things and could have easily eaten soooo much more, however it was pretty clear they boosted the # of tickets per item at each booth. Usually it’s about 3-5 tickets for a “taste” of something versus the full item, but this year it was 4-6 tickets. I call BS. But, that’s why it becomes a fun game of arcade-prize selecting with the tickets! Before we dig into the meat of this photo essay style post, I want to give a giant shoutout to my new DSLR camera that has revolutionized the way I take photos for this blog. While iPhones do a great job taking people photos, the iPhone 6 that I own has taken quite a beating in my possession and has become a grainy disaster when focusing on anything detailed. Taking photos for the-hungry-sloth has now become my absolute favorite thing in the world, and photographing food is seriously tooooooooooo much of a passion for me because I get a HIGH from the crumb details you’re about to witness. Like, seriously, get ready to lose your shit because of how high-def this food looks. (I am so late to the professional game, y’all). 

I didn’t post everything I ate, but these are the highlights! 

Stop #1: PUNKY’S Pizza & Pasta 

You know when you’re a kid and if you behave super well at the doctor’s office you get to choose a treat after? Like ice cream from your favorite place or McNuggets from McDonald’s? Fried ravioli at the Taste is my post-doctor treat. I wait for it, crave it, dream of it for 364 days and then the first morning of the Taste I wake up like it’s Christmas because I know it’s RAV DAY. I AM READY TO ZOOM ON THE BACK OF A PASSING PLANE DOWNTOWN BECAUSE HOT DAMN, THERE ARE TOASTY RAVIOLIS WAITING FOR ME. 

My dear friends were rearing to go see local band Twin Peaks at the bandshell area where you can bring a blanket and get real cozy under the sun and Chicago’s skyline, however I needed a carbo boost or else they would get “hangry” Nat and not “calmly enjoying the free music” Nat. Usually I get the toasted ravioli from Tuscany’s tent, however this year we past by a new, checkerboard-clad tent that caught my eye and the smell of marinara sauce overwhelmed me and before I could stop myself my hands were throwing tickets like confetti at the nice young man behind the counter and THEY WERE M I N E. 

These ravioli were breaded to perfection, fried evenly and not dried out at all, allowed the pasta to stay moist and not tough, and had the IDEAL cheese-pull once bitten into. The sauce was sweet, robust, but not too chunky and therefore got rid of the fear of dripping on my very ~girly~ skirt. I was in a cheese-y, saucy, fried-crumbs-errywhere blackout for a solid two minutes and then came back to earth a better person. Fried ravioli are always worth the ticket. 

All smiles on the lawn, patiently waiting for Twin Peaks to start and enjoying the shade this fence attempted to give us. That twinkle in my eye? The afterglow of fried cheese. 

Sorry, Tuscany tent, I’ll catch you next year. 

Stop #2: La Mexicana

These paletas are the ROCKSTAR of the Taste! It’s hard to pass by anyone not holding a brightly-colored fruity refreshment, flavors ranging from watermelon (my pick) to strawberry to lemon-lime. They offer a much needed pick me up amidst all the “real food” options, or are the best sweet treat to use your final 3 tickets on at the end! Made with real fruit and a lot of love, these tastes or full size paletas are not something to miss. And super fun to slurp, which will become necessary after they begin to melt. 

Stop #3: I’M THE WORST I DON’T REMEMBER?! If anyone knows where these tots were from, let me know! My friend got them had I h a d to photograph them, because if this isn’t #foodporn nothing is. Ugh. Tater heaven. 

Stop #4: Brightwok Kitchen 

I’m going to be honest, this did not initially catch my eye. As someone who uses the Taste to try a bunch of unhealthy food I would never order for a meal in real life, I avoid most healthy looking items. However, I am also so very anemic, and nothing there is protein/iron packed unless you eat copious amounts of meat... so I saw tofu and vegetarian friendly symbols and headed over. I was proved WRONG for being skeptical because this little bowl of goodness was sooo yummy! I got the taste of salad topped with tofu, edamame, carrots, sesame seeds, and a miso-ginger dressing that was surprisingly refreshing on a hot summer day. This place is located downtown by DePaul’s Loop campus, and I will for sure make a point to stop by there on my way to evening classes come the fall.

Stop #5: ONE OF THE SO MANY ITALIAN ICE BOOTHS. Can’t go wrong with a palate cleanser, and check out Ivana’s fantastic nails. She doesn’t even need a spoon to scoop some up! 

Stop #6: Star of Siam

My foodie partner Erin RAN to this booth the minute we got to the Taste, as these potstickers are her version of my fried ravioli. They are very full of meat so I did not eat them, however I was enamored by their smell and enjoyed the pad thai as per usual. Not pretty to photograph though, it literally just looks like noodles. 

Stop #6: Oak Street Beach Cafe 

THESE SHRIMP BLOW BY MIND EVERY TIME. The garlic potatoes? Unreal. They are literally halves of whole potatoes cooked so perfectly and saturated with garlic, butter, and toasted on the outside to a delicious french fry consistency. OH my LORD. Me and Erin shared this full ticket price plate of wonderful, and I am still thinking about it. 

Stop #7: O’Briens Restaurant and Pub 

OK so this corn was the surprise of my life. As someone with a messed up jaw and a terrible fear of biting into an earn of corn due to past trauma, I was weary of Ivana’s desperate search for the corn. It was late in the afternoon, we were all sweaty, and I was already dreaming up the double scoop of Elephant Tracks ice cream I would force my dad to drive me to once I got back to Linden. HOWEVER. I counted my tickets, 6 left exactly, and we found the corn at a busy intersection filled with buttery people eating bright yellow, shining corn that just called to me. I just knew it would be so juicy, so salty, so *scrumptious* that I ordered one as well and said “to heck with my jaw!” 

They pulled fresh ears, still in husks, out of the basket of corn carcass and then shucked them right there, revealing the most DANK ear of corn I’ve ever seen. Then, they were dunked in a vat of steaming butter, twisted with a napkin ‘round the bottom, and then handed over like a newborn baby. Y’all. We doused these things in salt like an arsonist and a very old wooden house, and they were FIRE. The corn was soft but ripe, sweet, so juicy, and literally- I’m so sorry for using this word- squirted when you bit into it. It was straight up porn. Right there in the streets of Chicago. 

I am still in awe.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, CHECK OUT THIS FUNNEL CAKE. IT’S FROM THE FUNNEL CAKE PLACE, AND IT SMELLS LIKE ALL YOUR BEST MEMORIES PUT ON A PLATE. 

I am already counting down the days until the next Taste of Chicago (360 days) and hopefully will have more time, $100 dollars to spend, and couple new vegetarian options in the lineup! FOOD IS THE BEST. So are friends. This was a great marriage of the both. 

Until next time, Happy Eating!

-Natalie 

[thebeautyoftorah]

MATTOT

bs'd Shalom. The thought of this week of my book 'Healing Anger'

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MATTOT-The Joy of Accepting Rebuke

The Sefat Emet’s father died when the he was very young. His grandfather, the Chiddushe haRim, raised the young orphan, who was a child prodigy. At a very young age, he once stayed up almost the whole night learning Torah with a study partner until he fell asleep in the early morning. He awoke after a short time to find himself a few minutes late for the morning prayers of Shacharit. The Chiddushei haRim approached his grandson afterwards and told him, “If the Rebbe’s grandson comes late to davening, what type of impression does that make on the people?” He strongly rebuked him, presuming that his tardiness was the result of an element of laziness, and he even told him that his actions were a Desecration of G-d’s Name.

Instead of defending himself, the Sfat Emet listened quietly to the scolding he received. His chavruta, who was up with him and knew what had happened, approached his young study partner and asked, “Why didn’t you just tell your grandfather you were up all night learning Torah?”[1]. The Sfat Emet answered, “would I waste the opportunity of being rebuked by my grandfather. To hear mussar from a great person is a wonderful experience!”

We can’t relate so easily to this idea. When we are right and someone accuses us falsely, we are the first to jump and correct him. The Sfat Emet wanted to hear the chastisement. He based this line of thinking on an incident in this Parsha [2].

When the tribes of Reuben and Gad approached Moshe Rabbenu, asking that he allow them to remain on Ever HaYarden where there was sufficient land for them to farm their animals, Moshe jumped at them. His main point of criticism was that by not entering Eretz Israel they would be abandoning their brethren in the upcoming conquest. Moshe reminds them of the incident of the spies and its terrible consequences. Then, they clarified their original position. However, in the meantime, they sat there and listened to Moshe’s criticism. They patiently took in all the mussar that he was giving them, and said that they would join the rest of the nation in conquering the land.   Bene Gad and Reuven in truth had intended to join the conquest right from the beginning but Moshe Rabbenu did not understand this from their request and consequently rebuked them harshly for being unwilling to join their brethren in conquering the land.  If so, why did they not interrupt him right at the beginning of his condemnation instead of having to endure such a strong rebuke?  The Sfat Emet explained that they wanted to hear the word of rebuke from a great man. They were happy to listen to his criticism even though they could easily refute it.  So too, although he could have stemmed the rebuke of his grandfather but he preferred to hear the rebuke of a tzaddik[3].

What was the great quality of being rebuked by a great man that caused the Bene Gad and Reuven to bear such stinging rebuke?  The Gemara tells us that the curses of the Prophet Achiya HaShiloni to the Jewish people were greater than the blessings with which Bilaam blessed them[4]. This idea is based on a passuk in Mishle: “The blows of a beloved one are trustworthy, and the kisses of an enemy are damaging[5].”  The ‘blows’ delivered by one’s beloved refers to words of rebuke.  The rebuke of someone who genuinely cares about his friend is of great benefit and is a great kindness because it is aimed at helping him improve himself and his spiritual standing.  When the Bene Gad and Reuven heard Moshe rebuke them, they knew that he was doing so from the purest of motives and only had their best interests in mind.  Thus, even though they could defend themselves, it was worthwhile to hear his words and try to somehow grow from them.   We have seen how the rebuke of a tzaddik is of great value, however it seems that even the tochacha of a less righteous person can be of considerable benefit.  Moreover, even rebuke that is given in the wrong way, can still help someone tremendously.  The Sefer HaChinuch writes that the prohibition to take revenge is based on the concept that whatever happens to a person is directed by G-d.  Even if someone acted towards a person in a negative fashion, it is nevertheless fruitless to bear a grudge or take revenge because the pain caused would not have occurred had Hashem so desired[6].  Thus, when we hear criticism, that we perceived as given in a hurtful way, our response should be to pay attention to the truth in what is being said, and not to the failings of the rebuker who is saying it. Since achieving moral and ethical perfection is the ultimate goal that we all should strive to accomplish, we can view this rebuke was sent from G-d as a means of communicating that we should strive to change our ways.   Shlomo HaMelech makes a similar point in Mishle [7]: “Hear advice and accept rebuke so that you will become wise in your latter days.”  It is interesting to note that with regard to advice, we are told to ’hear’, whereas in relation to rebuke we should ’accept it’.  Hearing implies an element of thought and contemplation[8]. When a person is given advice he should think about it before he acts upon it.  In contrast when one is rebuked he should accept it without analyzing the validity of the rebuke; rather, he should view it as a message from Hashem to improve himself and act accordingly.   Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l excelled in his reaction towards incorrect rebuke.  On one occasion, he answered the phone only to be met with a barrage of criticism from someone who was incensed at one of his halachic rulings.  He patiently listened to the tirade until it ended and did not even try to defend himself.  A shocked student asked him why he did not respond to such an inappropriate rebuke.  He answered that he so rarely receives any rebuke that he was grateful for the opportunity to hear such strong words, and even though in this specific area the rebuke was unfounded, there must be some other area where he could improve himself and he should use the rebuke to improve in that area![9]   On another occasion Rav Moshe was rebuked for a perceived transgression.  He answered the rebuke in a teshuva that is found in Igrot Moshe[10].  He begins the teshuva saying: I was very happy that maalat kevodo was so zealous in fulfilling the mitzva of rebuke according to his understanding, and chas veshalom that I should be upset at this… bli neder I will no longer travel in a car during the time of candle lighting [11] even though there is absolutely no prohibition in it, and there is not even maarit ayiin.”[12] After completely refuting the arguments of the rebuker he ends, saying, “from his beloved who blesses him with the merit of the mitzva of rebuke that he did for the honor of Hashem Yitbarach and for the honor of Shabbat Kodesh..”   It is understandable that most people are not on the level of Rav Feinstein and the Sfat Emet and do not enjoy being rebuked; it is unpleasant be told that one has a character flaw or acted in an improper fashion.  However, if a person can move past the feelings of pain he experiences and tries to learn from the rebuke then he can transform it into a tremendous tool for growth and can use it to be a better Eved Hashem.

_________________________________________    [1] We may ask how the Chiddushe Harim could rebuke his grandson in front of other people. The Rambam answers that there are occasions when it is permissible to rebuke others in public, his proof being that the Neviim consistently rebuked individuals in public.

  [2] Mattot Ch.32.

  [3] Marbitse Torah MeOlam Hachassidut, quoted in Tallele Orot, Bamibar, 2nd Chelek, p.281.

  [4] Taanit 20a.

  [5] Mishle 27:6

  [6] Sefer HaChinuch Mitzva 241.

  [7] Mishle 19:20.

  [8] See the commentaries at the beginning of Parshat Yitro who explain Yitro’s hearing in this vein.

  [9] Heard from a talmid chacham in the name of a witness to the incident.

  [10] Orach Chaim 1st Chelek, Siman 96.

  [11] See the teshuva for details of the exact rebuke and how Rav Moshe replied.

  [12] Maarit ayin is a category of prohibition whereby a person is performing a permissible act but that an onlooker could easily construe it as forbidden with damaging consequences.

Le Iluy nishmat Eliahu ben Simcha, Mordechai ben Shlomo, Perla bat Simcha, Abraham Meir ben Leah, Moshe ben Gila,Yaakov ben Gila, Sara bat Gila, Yitzchak ben Perla, Leah bat Chavah, Abraham Meir ben Leah,Itamar Ben Reb Yehuda, Yehuda Ben Shmuel Tzvi, Tova Chaya bat Dovid.

Refua Shelema of Mazal Tov bat Gila, Zahav Reuben ben Keyla, Yitzchak ben Mazal Tov, Mattitiahu Yered ben Miriam, Yaacov ben Miriam, Yehuda ben Simcha, Menachem Chaim ben Malka, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Nechemia Efraim ben Beyla Mina, Mazal Tov Rifka bat Yitzchak, Rachel Simcha bat Yitzchak, Dvir ben Leah, Sender ben Sara, Eliezer Chaim ben Chaya Batya, Shlomo Yoel ben Chaya Leah and Dovid Yehoshua ben Leba Malka. Atzlacha and parnasa tova to Daniel ben Mazal Tov, Debora Leah Bat Henshe Rachel, Shmuel ben Mazal tov, Yitzchak ben Mazal Tov, Yehuda ben Mazal Sara and Zivug agun to Gila bat Mazal Tov, Naftali Dovid ben Naomi Tzipora, Yehudit bat Malka, Elisheva bat Malka. For pidyon hanefesh & yeshua of Yosef Itai ben Eliana Shufra.