#kudos to her for like. actually guiding me through them even when it was probably well above what my actual level was

[misskamelie]

May be getting into the groove for this accompaniment course I'm taking 👍 Lots of stuff to learn + had a funny moment of the teacher going "how can you sightread Yiruma's pieces better than classical music" and me going "because it's easier???"

[urgonnaneedabiggership]

Could you make a fic where Miguel gets the female reader pregnant and they're happy but he's worried about her safety? Maybe have a villain find out? Cause some angst?

Risk Something (You're Losing Me)

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spiderman: Across The Spiderverse) x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language. Spoilers (Miguel's backstory is mentioned). Angst! Alert!, Unplanned pregnancy!Alert.

Word count: 4.3K

A/N: Since I had already established some background and emotional intimacy, I thought I could write this as a sort-of-sequel to my previous one-shot Host of a Ghost. I was so excited to write this, especially because I don't usually write angst but I like to push my boundaries and leave my confort zone. Hope that it pays off and, of course dear anon, that you like it <3

Part III

You’d never really believed in long-distance relationships. After being witness to so many unsuccessful ones, you’d cataloged the entire concept into a box labeled “certain failure” and tucked it away in the back of your head. And yet, with an inconsistency worthy of your friend Hobie, you’d gone and gotten yourself involved in no less than an interdimensional relationship.

How? Well, that was a good question.

All it took was five simple steps:

Step one: Live a regular life. Go to school, graduate, and try to go for a Ph.D. that gets you working near genetically modified insects for just the right amount of time for you to become careless enough to let one crawl onto your backpack, take it to your apartment, and let it sting you. Throw in some negligence, forfeit going to the hospital, and go on about your afternoon. Warning, some side effects like loss of consciousness or intense headaches can be expected.

Step two: Congratulations! You’ve now become a super-powered person with abilities that range from climbing walls and performing gravity-challenging parkour to creating a sticky web-like element that helped you swing from one building to another. Toy around with your new talents, and grow comfortable with them before realizing that you can actually use them to be the much-needed help your city needs.

Step three: Turns out you’re not the only one with this kind of ability out there. There’s a whole Spider-Society full of similarly enhanced people who try and do their best to keep their own dimensions safe, and you’ve not only caught their eye but have actually been invited to join them. Let your new guide Jess Drews show you around, and explain all the benefits that come from joining a team such as theirs. If you decline, you can go back home and that’ll be all.

If you’re interested, it’ll be necessary to convince the leader but they could use some extra help so it shouldn’t be particularly hard. It sounds like an amazing chance. Information you wouldn’t have access to otherwise, mind-blowing facilities where you can polish your newly acquired abilities, possible new friends that actually know what you’re going through…Say you’ll think about it. Right as you’re about to leave, the most fucking gorgeous man you’ve ever seen in your entire life walks past without paying either of you any mind, busy while speaking to another Spider-Person. You ask who that is, turns out he’s the aforementioned leader, “will I ever have to work with him?”, you ask. “Probably, eventually” Replies Jess. Ask when you can start.

Step four: Do your best to earn your place in this elite group. Successfully improve your fighting skills, read everything available on interdimensional traveling and the multiverse. Understand it almost instantly because that’s how smart you are, kudos to you. Realize that for some reason, despite never actually interacting with you, Spider-Society leader Miguel O’Hara tends to stare. A lot. Is it because you’re progressing as fast as Jessica says or because she’s a complete liar and you’re actually doing it all wrong? No idea. All you know is that even during mundane scenarios like laughing in the hall with all the newest additions to the team or in line at the cafeteria, you feel a certain tingle in the back of your head that makes you turn around. Of course, the moment your eyes meet, he turns around and leaves. An odd one, yes. But you’ve also heard things. Rumors, here and there about his life before creating the Society. Whispers about a lost family and some video archives being the only evidence that they even existed in the first place. And, of course, the fault he had in the destruction of their dimension. You sympathize with him, despite his apathetic attitude towards you. You’ve seen him interact with those he’s closer to, and you know there’s more to him than he lets on. You’d be elated if he ever let you take just one look at the smidge of his old self that sometimes peeked out from behind the iron curtain. Well, not really. One look wouldn’t be enough. If anything, it would only cement your feelings for the man.

Step five: Curiosity killed the cat. We all know that. You know that. And yet, you decided to go snooping around Miguel O’Hara’s computer and personal files until you accidentally switch his computer on for long enough to let the videos he’s always watching start playing. He…his daughter…an entire lost life gone before his eyes. Then, before you could do the right thing and turn the computer off, an eerily familiar voice called at him from behind the camera. So, of course, you had to keep watching. Long story short? All those oddly constant stares, that coldness towards you, unwillingness to look you in the eye, was because of two reasons: first, you were a nearly identical interdimensional variant of the wife he’d lost in the dimension he unwittingly erased from existence. Two, as he’d confessed after realizing you’d found out about the truth, Miguel had come to terms with the fact that he was in love with you, not as a replacement for somebody from his past but as a new presence in his life that he’d been struggling to watch from afar, unwilling to let all his repressed feelings spill out like water from a broken dam. Until that night, of course.

Now, eight months later, you’d come to realize there was actually a sixth step you’d never actually considered until now that you were in this…situationship.

Step six: Uncomfortably avoid every and all circumstances in which interdimensional disparities and canon consistency regarding your relationship could come up. Don’t say anything like “Well, it’s been nice but I’ve got to go back to my own dimension” because that would remind him that his dimension was not yours too. That you were after all still a stranger in a strange land. Which of course also meant never inviting him to stay in your dimension.

Deep inside, you knew that all those details would eventually cause problems, especially regarding the inner conflict Miguel was always dealing with knowing what he was doing…what you were both doing, went against his strongest principle. But by God he was happy. Happier than he’d thought he could ever feel again. More than he deserved. So he just ignored those intrusive thoughts and focused on whatever task was at hand. And you were too. Even after just eight months, life without him already seemed unimaginable. He was your first thought in the morning and your last before you went to sleep, and more than once his presence beside you had been not just a figment of your imagination, but a part of your reality as you felt his strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you closer whenever you strayed too far from him in bed as he groggily whispered, “¿Y a dónde crees que vas, preciosa?”, Or when he buried his nose in the crook of your neck, lining it up with soft kisses that sometimes ended up in both of you being late for your assigned tasks. With so much on the line, you were more than happy to avoid those spiky subjects. It seemed like such a small price to pay with all you were getting in return.  

You weren’t sure of where all this was going, but none of that mattered. Right now, you were together. Inside the Spider-Society you were a great team and each one was a valuable asset. Outside, every second spent in your arms was enough to make him forget Spider-Man. To you, he was Miguel and nothing more. And that was all you needed.

Life was good. You were happy with the way things were. Until, as it usually happens, a necessary disruption came quite literally crashing into your life in the shape of a fifteen-year-old that carelessly swung around a corner and crashed into you after you’d been chasing him like the rest of the Spider-People after receiving Miguel’s message.

“Miles?” You asked, recalling his name, which you’d actually been hearing for quite some time since the circumstances of his existence started being a problem for your boyfriend. The boy didn’t answer. He just looked at you, his eyes filled with confusion and fear until you hesitantly took a step aside to leave the escape route open for him. If anything he looked even more baffled, but when the noise of his pursuers reached your ears he rushed down the hall and you lost him after he took a sharp turn.

Before you could be spotted, you ran in the opposite direction and hid around a corner as you tried to call Miguel on your watch. Of course, it was in vain. Well, Plan B. Fortunately, this time you did get a reply.

“(Y/N)?”

“Peter! Yes, it’s me! Where are you?”

“Where do you think? I’m going after him like everybody else. I need to get to him before…sweetie, please just get back in there, Daddy’s on the phone right now…I need to get to him before- “

“He’s already left the headquarters,” You informed him.

“Wait, you saw him?”

“About a minute ago. He was on his way to the North exit.”

“(Y/N), are you sure you should be a part of this chase right now?”

“Why not? Jessica is there, isn’t she?” You replied, smiling to yourself. Good old Peter B., looking out for you like some sort of self-appointed brother figure.

“Well yeah, but she’s not running, kid. Although I don’t think she should be on one of those death machines either, I don’t what she’s…”

While he kept on rambling for a bit, you looked around and wondered if you’d ever seen the building this empty.

Empty.

Your eyes slowly ran along the pearly white walls until they landed on the hallway that led to the room where the Go Home Machine was kept. Practically unchecked, if Spider-Byte had joined the pursuit.

“P.B., I’ll talk to you later,” You absent-mindedly replied, hanging up on him without waiting for an answer as you dashed down the hallway.

You kept thinking about that poor kid’s eyes. After having all that information unloaded onto him, instead being given enough time to somewhat process everything he now had to escape from the very people he was supposed to feel safe amongst. When he sat on the floor right in front of you right after the crash, he was sure you would immediately hand him over. Maybe a few months ago you would’ve done it without hesitation but now…things had changed.

There it was. The Go-Home Machine. You thought you saw a purple blast inside that let you know Byte was still there. However, if your theory was correct, Miles would have to go through that hall and therefore, you. A few minutes later, a sudden voice booming from your watch startled you.

“(Y/N)!”

“Miguel? Where are you? I’ve been trying to…”

“(Y/N), listen to me! Miles lured everybody out on purpose, he’s trying to get to the machine. I can see your location back at the headquarters and he should be coming your way in less than a minute!”

“Alright. I’ll handle it.” You replied, ending the call before he could ask you to elaborate on that.

Sure enough, light footsteps came in your direction shortly after. Right as Miles entered your field of view, an alert issued by your watch made your stomach drop and a dreadful feeling fill your chest. However, you’d made up your mind. There was no going back now.

Mile spotted you at the end of the hall and stopped in his tracks. His eyes were determined, not as afraid as a few moments earlier. If he was there that meant he’d somehow gotten past Miguel. You fought back a smile when you wondered how pissed he’d be about it. Having his ass kicked by a teenager was something that, maybe under different circumstances, you could tease him about.

“He’s a delight, isn’t he?” You finally spoke, trying to somewhat lighten the mood while taking a step toward the kid. However, he got in a defensive stance, furrowing his eyebrows in distrust.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you, I just want to talk.” You assured, showing him both your hands, “Miles, listen very carefully. This is exactly what Miguel was talking about a while ago. At this very moment. Right now, I’m supposed to stop you from getting to that machine and handing you over,”

Of course, he took another step back.

“Miles I’m not going to do that,” You assured him.

“Why not?” He immediately asked, constantly looking behind him, wondering if this was just you trying to stall him like, unbeknownst to you, he thought Peter had tried to do a while ago.

“Because I’m sure there’s a better way to go about all this. I love him so much, I do, but he’s so afraid that I don’t think he’s willing to see other possibilities and by the time he does, it might be too late for you. Now go before anybody else gets here.”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. Miles darted past you as soon as you finished talking, taking a second to look back before reaching the dimly lit room where his ticket home was. His eyes scanned your face and darted down for one second before he looked up at you, a new worry in his eyes that had you wondering whether his spider-sense was strong enough to perceive something you’d just found out yourself.  

“Are you going to be okay?” Miles asked, his eyes looking down for a moment once again. Did he know? Did he mean “you” as in just you or as in…?

“Yes, don’t worry. Now get out of here.” You insisted. With one last hasty “thanks”, he ran into the room as your left in the opposite direction. You weren’t worried about Spider-Byte. She was a good kid, and she’d do the right thing.

The right thing. What did that even mean anymore?

You’d deal with the moral implications later. For now, as you found yourself on the other side of the headquarters, your mind was set on finding Miguel. Maybe you could try and talk some sense into him, make him reconsider whether this was…

“What the hell was that?”

By now you’d gotten used to Miguel’s habit of sneaking up on you. Usually, hearing his voice coming out of nowhere brought a smile to your face. This time, you closed your eyes and winced as you felt his presence behind you.

“Don’t even try lying. I know that voice you used in the call. The one for when you’re about to ignore whatever order I’m about to give you, so I checked the cameras.”

“Miguel, I…” You began to explain yourself just to be harshly cut off.

“(Y/N), what were you thinking? Do you realize what you just did? Do you have the slightest idea of the consequences…?”

“I do realize that you just asked a fifteen-year-old child to stand by and let his father get killed right before calling his existence a mistake, Miguel. What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking of our safety, and that includes Miles’. You’re right, he’s a kid and that means he’s selfish and immature enough to endanger everything we’ve all been risking our lives to protect for years.”

“Miguel, listen to me,” You insisted, “You’re scared. I know. I am, too, but have you ever considered that maybe there’s another solution? Do we even know for sure that allowing the kid to go and try to save his father is going to cause any real damage?”

“What if it does? Are you just going to tell me “Sorry, Miguel, you were right” and that’s all? (Y/N), Dios mío, piensa. Gwen said the same thing but we couldn’t trust her with being objective because he’s her friend,”

“Wait, what do you mean couldn’t?” You asked. Miguel clenched his jaw and turned away, unable or unwilling to look at you.

“Miguel, please tell me you didn’t send her back. Not with how she left things back there,”

His absolute silence told you everything. Shaken, you took a step back.

“What is wrong with you?” You hissed the disappointed look in your eyes hurting like a sharp dagger to his chest.

“(Y/N), mi amor, I’m just trying to…”

“You’re such a hypocrite,” You angrily spat out, “You go around preaching about how important sticking to your stupid canon is and the delicate balance of the multiverse when you know damn well that what we’re doing goes against every single one of those things,”

“No, no, that’s very different,” Miguel disputed,

“How is it different?” You argued back, boldly moving closer to him wishing you were taller so you could face him, “I’m from another dimension, there is no way that we were supposed to meet from the beginning. You had your world, this world, and when you tried to live another life in a different one, an entire dimension was destroyed. I had my world, and for all I know maybe there was somebody there that I was supposed to meet but thankfully I ended up here first so I could meet you. But you know what? My universe is fine, yours is too and I swear I had never been happier in my entire life.”

“You’re right.” He muttered in deep thought.

“Yes, I am. And maybe…” You started to say, a relieved smile tugging at the edges of your mouth until he looked up and the expression in his eyes made your throat dry up.

“We’ve been messing with fire all this time. There is probably somebody you can be with without endangering your entire dimension. And this…this is the hand I was dealt and I should just accept it and live with it. You’re right. Maybe this was all a mistake from the beginning.”

“No. No, come on, you don’t mean that.” You shook your head in denial, lifting both your hands to cup his face in your hands, to bring him close like he had done the night you finally could let all the love you felt for him escape its confinement in your chest.

Miguel grabbed your hands before you could touch him and moved away from you before releasing them as he finally built up the courage to look you in the eye.

“Are you serious?” You asked, your voice quivering with anger as you felt tears begin to dwell in your eyes, “So that’s it? You’d rather sacrifice us than find a different way to solve this?”

“Well, what did you think was going to happen, (Y/N)? That this would go on forever and we’d keep pretending everything is fine and that you don’t have to wear a fucking machine on your wrist every time you come to see me because even the cells in your body know you were never supposed to be here?”  

“Oh, right, so you expect me to believe that you always knew this was going to be temporary? Then what was this? Something to take the edge off after a rough day until you decided it was time to stop fooling around and just be done with it?”

Deep inside, you knew what his response was going to be, but every inch of your heart silently pleaded for you to be wrong. To pull you into his arms and apologize for trying to send you away and promise that you’d get through this because you loved each other and that was all that mattered.

“I don’t know why you thought it was anything else,”

For a minute, you wondered if this was all actually happening. Maybe this was all a nightmare fueled by all the training simulations you’d gone over lately, and you’d wake up crying just to find Miguel asleep next to you, his wide back slowly rising and sinking with every calm breath he took. Your crying would wake him up and he’d furrow his eyebrows and ask what had happened.

“I had a nightmare, that’s all,” You’d say, wiping your tears off and trying to downplay it. But he knew better. He always knew better. He would pull you close and bury your head in his chest, placing a kiss on top of your head while warning you that he was the only one allowed to have nightmares because otherwise he’d have to start comforting you too and neither would get a full night of rest. And you would laugh softly as you drifted off, lulled by the warmth of his chest and his smell of sage lotion and cheap fabric softener.

But no. You were very much awake, and instead of comforting you with promises and reassurances, he was walking away from you after delivering the final blow to your heart.

Since he had his back turned to you, you felt free to let the repressed tears freely fall down your face as you helplessly watch him go until he disappeared around a corner. All of a sudden, you felt as if the walls of the headquarters had begun to close around you to asphyxiate you, and the sound of the returning Spider-People made you realize you didn’t want to be there for one more second.

Thanks to your watch, you were back “home” in a few seconds.

“Home”. Your empty apartment where you’d lived alone for years. Where he’d never set foot, and at least in that way it was free of his memory. Or so you thought until you looked over your shoulder at the ajar bathroom door. Inside, atop the porcelain sink, still rested the positive pregnancy test you’d left there before having to rush over to the headquarters to help with the latest anomaly.

That memory felt so distant now. As if it had happened years ago, in a different life. You suppose in a way, it did belong to another life. A life that was over now.

Numbly, you made your way toward the ragged sofa, collapsing on top of it as soon as you were close enough. It was only then that the full weight of the last day and a half sank in and, as you gently wrapped your arms around your stomach, you let the tears fall until your throat burned, the dusty cushions muffling your broken sobs.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard correctly, you did what?”

The seriousness of the situation was enough for Peter to fasten a small strap in Mayday’s baby carrier to make sure she won’t go anywhere for a few minutes as he waited for his friend’s platform to reach ground level. He couldn’t be chasing his toddler around and ripping Miguel a new one at the same time.

“I did what I had to do. It’s for her own good,”

“Right, because you’re such an arrogant…” He paused to carefully place his hands over Mayday’s tiny ears, “…such an arrogant dick that you think you know what’s best for everyone, including a fully grown, intelligent, woman like (Y/N)”

“Shit, Parker, do you think it was easy for me?” Miguel uttered, pinching the bridge of his nose before resting his face against the palm of his hand, “What I said about this being the hand I was dealt…I don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with that. Hell, I don’t even know how I’m going to keep myself from showing up at her dimension to try and get her back here the first chance I get.”

“And why would you have to keep yourself from doing that?” Peter asked patiently. It sounded like a better alternative to “Miguel, I love you man but I swear you’ve got the emotional availability of a tree stump. Beats me how (Y/N) was able to get you to admit your feelings without prying your chest open with a jigsaw to see your pounding heart for herself.”

“She was right. We were never supposed to meet in the first place. Not like this. It’s not…”

“Miguel, I swear if I hear the word ‘canon’ even once in this conversation I’m going to drive my head through a wall,”

“Just because you don’t take anything seriously doesn’t mean everybody’s the same,” Miguel hissed back.

“That’s where you’re wrong. Last time I didn’t take something seriously, I ended up just like you will unless you get your priorities sorted out. Alone, and regretting not focusing on what was important,”

“This is important,” Miguel stubbornly argued.

“More important than what you had? Look at yourself. Just forty-eight hours ago you were as happy with (Y/N) as you’d been for the past eight months. And as happy as I’ve been with Mayday and my wife who, by the way, wouldn’t even be with me if it wasn’t for that kid you just called a mistake. And do you see my dimension going up in flames? Or yours? Or hers?”

Unable to find an argument against that, Miguel remained silent, his eyes fixed on an empty spot on the wall in front of him.

“Listen, I know you’re afraid. You don’t want her to get hurt, but if you love her as much as you claim to, then you’re taking the choice of a coward right now. And you can’t afford to be one, especially now.”

“Especially now?” Miguel inquired, turning to look at his friend who, much to his surprise, pressed his lips together as if he’d made a mistake and instead focused on getting Mayday’s hair out of her face.

“My point is; I know you well enough to know you worship that woman. And she thinks you’re pretty decent too. And I can tell you from experience that you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life if you let this come between you.”

Not knowing what else to add, Peter gently patted Miguel’s shoulder before leaving the room, hoping he’d given him enough to think about. Hopefully, enough to make him change his mind.

Meanwhile, Miguel hadn’t moved since Peter left the room, mulling his words over.

Two, particularly, had stuck with him for some reason.

Especially now.

[optiwashere]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Yay, thanks for the tag @askweisswolf! 💜

I'm gonna tag a few folks to do this if they want, but anyone that sees this and wants to join in can consider me tagging them! @bottombatch @jasminethetransvampire @centaursniper @underworldobsessed @quitefair @siyurikspakvariisis @riteontime

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

89, but that's not quite telling the whole story. I've written a number of one-shot collections, and those have upwards of 200+ short fics in them.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

As of right now, my stats page says 829, 334 words, but that's not correct really. I've abandoned/deleted/orphaned some works. The real number is probably over 1M.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I only write for Baldur's Gate 3 at the moment and that's gonna color the rest of the questions. Once I find a fandom that I like writing for then I tend to stick to that fandom for years. I'm interested in dipping my toes into the Pathfinder WOTR ficdom eventually, but probably only a little because my Golarion knowledge is real slim. If Dreadwolf is good, I'll probably wind up writing something for that as well. I wasn't very interested in video game fandoms for a long time, which is odd because it's only become more compelling as I've gotten older when I'm also playing fewer games.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Currently? I'm actually not at all surprised by this order, except for the one OC fic that managed to find its way there. That is pleasantly surprising, and I'm glad it's one that I also like a fair bit. 1. Take Me Under Your Wing (E-rated Aylin/Shadowheart/Isobel) 2. Black and Red and Smoking All Over (E-rated Shadowheart/Karlach) 3. Her Private Shore (E-rated Shadowheart/Asheera) 4. Arcane Mishaps (E-rated Shadowheart/Karlach -- yay, some t4t made it!) 5. Tasting Moonlight (E-rated Aylin/Isobel) Now, this tells a certain story on its face, but you have to remember that 4/5 of these were posted in Kinktober only two months after the full release of the game. That was the height of its popularity on AO3, and I highly doubt if these fics were released today they would have hit the same numbers. That also includes the Shadowheart/Asheera fic, by the way. I could see that one barely breaking 40-50 kudos these days. P.S. Stats are silly

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, all of them. I get quite a few, and with so many fics across a fresh fandom it means that I occasionally get newcomers to various niche fics. Sometimes people stumble into a pile of fics that they like in one of the ships, and it's so delightful when I see it. Same with people that I see reading Light Casts a Shadow in order :') Most of the fun in fandom is interacting with like-minded people, anyways. Kudos and such are also people saying they like the thing, but people actually coming out to talk to me are my #1 priority. I like to hear y'all's thoughts and even wind up chatting a little in some cases :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

When Everything is Dark and Guided Through Gardens Gray both have fairly angsty endings, but I think Melpomene might be one of the darker endings of my smutty fics. Fragrant is My Many Flower'd Crown is absolutely my angstiest non-smut ending though.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Almost certainly it's the final ficlet of my headcanuary collection, The Missing Piece. It's open-ended, but it's overwhelmingly saying that things will be all right.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, occasionally. The open stuff is a lot less common now, but there are a couple fics that have gotten pretty ugly comments. I moderate those away without locking down because my skin is plenty thick. I get a fair few anons, again thankfully reduced these days, that absolutely despise me. They make me laugh more than anything now because I've blocked so many. I've also seen some passive aggressive vague posting about me here and elsewhere, which is always hilarious.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh yes. Kinky, vanilla, descriptive and action heavy, flowery and emotive. All kinds, really. Usually trends towards loving and hopeful and sweetly emotional.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven't for BG3. Yet. There's a BG3/WOTR crossover that I really want to write, but I need to find the time for it between everything else.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yep, twice. And it was way more than one fic both times!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so? At least, not that anyone has ever told me. I'd love for someone to feel the urge to do that, though.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I don't think so? Technically, at least? I've certainly had writing brainstorm sessions that could count for this, but never anything where either of us wanted to call it co-writing.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

Ouch. I don't really have an answer for this tbh. I like to compartmentalize ships to fandoms. BTW, it's Shadowheart/Original Female Character for BG3. Yeah, all of your Tavs and Durges. Asheera's my favorite, of course, but I've never been so invested in a Canon/OC ship.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There's a fantasy AU I wrote for Parks and Rec with April Ludgate as a witch/vampire that I know I'll never get back to.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Emotional forwardness, probably. Maybe solid grammar? Writing speed? Anyways, I like to explore emotions explicitly with characters where they really feel everything to extreme degrees. It's hyperreal, but I think it's also compelling to both write and read.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting, weak metaphors, and consistent characterization.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I do it fairly often in fantasy fandoms without qualms. Also, I tend to use the italicized text in fiction to indicate that it's a different language, not that it's "wrong" or anything like that. Doing that in nonfiction, however, feels pretty gross. Real world languages? I don't do it unless I'm familiar with the language or know someone that can beta it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically wrote for? That's really hard to remember for me, but it was probably something like R.A. Salvatore Drizzt fanfic tbh. Could have been any number of fantasy series at that age though. The Dragonlance books, Black Company, or Discworld, maybe? Hard for me to really think back that far because I know for a fact that I used to write stories as a kid, but it's all very foggy and I lost all that stuff in a flood years ago. Posted for? A fandom I don't really want to associate with anymore.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Bend to Break to Mend is my favorite thing I've written for BG3, followed closely by It Is the Wound She Gave Me and Like I Am Safe Again.

[erseac]

Fic authors self-rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics you've written, then pass on to other writers if you want!

Oh, thank you! Well, let's see here:

Fancy Jewelry

Adrien couldn’t believe his ears when he heard that Marinette had gotten nipple piercings. Really? …could he see them? Oh shit, had he just said that last part out loud?

The most kudos by far, and probably my best work. Certainly the one where the tension and teasing works out the best.

For Science!

Marinette has combined her passion for clothing and her passion for science by creating her ultimate masterpiece: Underwear that uses advanced scientific methods to make people way more sexually attractive. Kagami and Adrien have volunteered as test subjects. Of course the test won’t go too far. It’ll all be strictly scientific and platonic. Most importantly, Marinette does not get involved in any way. That should be easy, right?

One of many where I originally planned to post this as an ML Kink Meme prompt, but then I decided to write it myself. I love writing absurd stories, and it was so much fun to pack this one full of jokes.

The Ménage à Trois

Who’s jumping so late through night and wind? It’s Chat Noir in his black tint. His Lady and Rena are waiting alone, For this poor cat boy has lost his phone. They’re waiting long and then they wonder, Is that his baton glistening yonder? As without him there is this fatal flaw: They cannot yet start their ménage à trois.

Let me be real, this is objectively not very good. The rhymes are questionable, the meter inconsistent, the content comparatively uninspired. Imagery, metaphor, actual poetry, forget about it. The nine kudos it has at the moment is probably five more than it deserves.

But I had such a blast writing this! It was a really, really fun challenge, and it's just really fun to try and do something that nobody else has done before in this fandom (even if that is for good reason). I'll definitely try something along these lines again some time in the future.

Ladybug’s Guide to Getting Out Of Thorny Situations

When an Akuma has caught Ladybug and Chat Noir in its cage of hatred, then there is really only one solution: They kiss. As friends, obviously. But what if one kiss isn’t enough?

One of the very first I planned and started writing, combining two tropes that should be absolutely standard fare in the explicit section of this fandom but somehow aren't:

Kissing to defeat an Akuma, but more

The Lucky Charm is a condom, leading to conclusions

It was a lot of fun trying to figure out the voices of the characters and the jokes they'd made. I really need to write some more Ladynoir.

A Thief’s Punishment

Now in university, Marinette’s flat is filled with traps to protect against intruders who want her valuables or, even worse, her secrets. Chloé learns this the hard way. But surely there’s something she can do so Marinette will let her out?

Something from the newer ones as well. I do like my newer works, too, I posted a lot of them by my standards, but the older ones have had more time to sit with me so that's why they're higher and more in this list. Honestly making a short list like that is difficult, I also really like e.g. Final Practice or Make-Up and Hair Cuts as well as Dance Floors and Dragons (though not many people seem to agree on that one)…

Anyway, this one again shows my love for high concept smut: Nothing better than a silly premise. I picked it in particular because Chloé is one of the most fun characters to write in the whole show, bratty, materialistic, capable of the wildest logical leaps if you just let her, and always a bit antagonistic placing her in positions that e.g. Alya and Kagami, no matter how much I love them, never would. Like getting caught in one of Marinette's traps that she uses to protect her diary.

Anyway, this was fun, thank you so much for thinking of me!

[amandayetagain]

Ok so I typed half this out and tumblr deleted it so I’m gonna try to summarize. I’m new to a school, I get adopted by an extrovert who already has some introvert friends. One of those introvert friends we’re gonna call Cat. Cat and I aren’t super close (I mix her up with another girl for almost 3 weeks) but we have mutual friends so we sit together when there aren’t any other options. I’m in home room, reading on my school device through my library account and my book of choice is red white and Royal blue. She’s next to me, glances over my shoulder and asks what I’m reading. I blue screen because I have no clue how chill anyone is and pull up my library account and say the first book I have checked out, one of the lunar chronicles. She’s like huh and then leaves it. Internally I’m like thank god but the next time we’re hanging out with our extrovert cat is like “hey I saw the names Alex and Henry, were you reading red white and royal blue?” I’m like eughhhgh yes? And she’s like hm.

So she knows that we’re still friends ish and Just going around. I, because my school had not great restrictions, was able to get to ao3 and tumblr in a private tab. I was never stupid enough to get caught in class but it was a pretty regular thing of mine, I was publishing an idiots guide to getting a girlfriend at the time. Cat reads red white and Royal blue as well as of fire and stars att my recommendation and likes both of them (we watched the movie when it came out together as a throwback) we’re a bit closer now but she has the habit of looking over my shoulder. Which means when I accidentally have my private windows open it pretty much airs my laundry on display.

She extrapolates, figures out I have a tumblr, and because we’re dramatic little shits it’s very cloak and dagger, her tugging me aside to tell me that she likes my shoelaces. I nearly keel over and She finds my ao3. She jokes about blackmail I lightly go along but at this point I trust her enough for it not to be like actual blackmail. Even still the joke sticks and she’s one of the first people I’m comfortably out with at my new school, and is probably one of my closest friends now. I force books upon her (I say not read them she does out of spite) and I got her into crochet! I still call her my best and most blackmaily friend bc blackmail did give us conversation material lol

I love that! ‘I mix her up with another girl for three weeks’ made me laugh. Rwrb my beloved (I had a FedEx au in a notebook for a while lol). I don’t remember an idiots guide era but I remember glitz and glamour era! I was looking through your works and did a double take at the summary, checked the kudos, and yep! I was there. Blackmail as an inside joke >> lmao. My irl is trying to get me into crochet but I keep going at it like knitting and it’s not working at all. That’s so fun!

[crawlspacefics]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you @iwrestledavongonce for nominating me :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Lucky 13

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

460,677

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Almost exclusively Sailor Moon.  I have a few other stories for Gargoyles and Legend of Korra that will probably never see the light of the internet.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Cruelty and Fairness of Fate (surprising no one)

Much Ado About Dragons

Tangled Web

Dreams/Upon Waking (combo posting of both stories)

How the Dragon Queen Stole the Winter Festival

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!  It took me a minute to realize that feature was available, but I love that I can answer questions, geek out about these characters I love, or just say thank you 🥹 because I really appreciate when people leave comments.  

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Dreams - nobody was happy and Makoto was spirling.  

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Much Ado About Dragons - Rei’s fairytale had a classic happily ever after

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really.  There were a few people back in the day on FF.net who took exception to teenagers having sex (have they actually read/watched the series?) or Makoto getting pregnant and being allowed to be happy in the end.  But other than that, most interaction has been really good.  

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I did once, sort of.  They got interrupted. 😅 But my writing filter is set to “fade to black” after foreplay.  That said, if I can ever get up the nerve to put the words on paper, I’m game.  

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have never written a crossover, but I’m not opposed to them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have!  Or at least I’ve had a few people ask, don’t know if they ever completed the project.  I believe it was for Spanish and Chinese.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!  My wife is also an SM fanfic writer, so we had to collaborate at least once.  The result was Definitions of Longing and Desire.  A fun little romp through post-baby hormones.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ami/Makoto.  I don’t know what got me onto these two, but this ship means the world to me for so many reasons.  

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Every WIP I’ve got going will be finished.  It may just take a really long time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Characterization.  I think I’m good at catching the character’s voices most of the time, though I find some a lot harder than others.  And fleshing out their backgrounds/families/the world they live in.  I like to think my OC’s (main characters’ families mostly) have just enough personality but don’t take over the story.*

*The one exception is Ami’s mother in the most recent series of stories.  She became a main character because I wanted to pair her up with Setsuna.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I love exposition.  Sometimes a little too much.  I need to get a little more action in and do a better job with economy of words in dialogue heavy scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’m not opposed to it.  Like any other element, as long as it fits.  It’s probably not something I’d do, but never say never.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably Guiding Light.  I’ve been putting stories on paper since middle school, and the soap operas I watched with my Grandmother were the first ones I wrote for.  Sailor Moon was the first fandom I shared the writing with.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

This is hard and will change every time I’m asked.  Dreams is the one that first comes to mind.  I just really like the premise.  Christmas Cheer is another that just makes me smile.  I had a ton of fun with Christmas Elf Rei, and the Setsuna/Serenity segment makes me cry every time even though I wrote it.  LOL

[karla-the-elemental-dreamer]

2024 NYE Q and A: Dream Guides - Jak

I don't know where to begin as 2023 has been a strange year. I remember looking so forward to it at the start, and it's just spiralled into something unbelievable. Like there have been no shortage of good moments and growth opportunities, but has been overshadowed by chaos, tiring and exhausting days, and the world constantly throwing hands at each other with a continuing amount of immaturity and animosity towards our brothers and sisters.

I have marked the end of each year as a time to reflect and let my honesty be shared regardless of what anyone else thinks, so that for the following year, my bucket is emptied and I can start again. Please excuse me as I write from a very emotionally exhausted state. Each of the boys will be sharing some thoughts on the year 2023, and on this page, it's Jak's turn.

Please give each boy a chance as each of them provide a different flavour and may have some discrete messages for those who are still on the path of unity and love, and the hopeful outlook for a better and brighter world. Including some personal stories from the boys if they have anything major to share.

------------------------------------

QUESTIONS:

How do you feel 2023 has been overall

What positive experiences have you had in 2023?

What challenges have you faced in 2023?

What challenges do you believe your dreamer has faced in 2023?

What is one memory that stands out to you in your dream guide duties?

Is there another person you’d like to recognise for their contribution to 2023?

Do you have any final thoughts in the lead up to 2024?

------------------------------------

ANSWERS:

(1) Jak: "I want to erase 2023 off the charts… It has been THAT painful, for both me and her. Do you see these bags under my eyes? And you thought Riku had big ones. These aren’t from being punched in the face by a person or a Krimzon guard, it’s all the collateral damage I’ve received from the year itself. Can you wake me up when we’re finally at the New Earth?”.

---

(2) Jak: "Look when it comes to positive things about the year, it’s Karla all the way. All the trouble she’s gone to, to keep me here and hanging on when she’s just about to fall down that cliff herself; bless her soul. I’ve been a Grinch for most of this year, but then I heard there was a Christmas movie about that guy, and I didn’t want to have the lead role. So I’ve gotten into a bit of craft with her this month and it’s actually alright. There were also a few times where I had some chats with her brother, so I’ve got to give a kudos to that as well”.

---

(3) Jak: "As much of the cocky person that I am, I’m actually a bit embarrassed to be writing this one. Riku and Terra have been talking a lot about Karla being hurt by all the people out there on the internet, but I’ve actually probably multiplied that load by at least double. Being an ISTP, I obviously have a certain protocol with how I act and how I do things… But I’ve actually taken that too far and in reaching a climax, I see myself acting like a wild animal. Like I’ve just been this horrible person towards Karla, which is something she never deserved.

How’s this you might ask? While there have been weeks or even months where I’ve said to myself that I can’t do this anymore, or that she’s being too annoying or demanding, so I just slink back to Haven City and don’t want to have anything to do with anyone. I remember this time where Terra went with Karla’s parents on their little, I guess, honeymoon, so Riku and I were staying home with Karla and her brother. I… I don’t know how to outline this next bit. She just wanted us to all have fun at the beach on one of those days, and I sorta wrecked that by not being there.

There have been a lot of things that I’ve misconstrued in 2023, like in Karla saying that my friends won’t make it through the timeline split, and instead of analysing the situation and seeing it for what it is, I just lose it and get all angry. And now when I look back, she never meant that they couldn’t come; just that she noticed I didn’t gel with them at a soul level, so that they needed to do a lot of work to be able to get to maybe more of a level where most of Kingdom Hearts is at.

In summary, I just got very tired… And oh! There was a point at which Karla’s brother lost his job, and that was a very hard time for me also. Like I was responsible for seeing him through his last days, and so when everything was over, I just lost faith, and things got worse with me from there. 2023 has been a year of me being caught up in the past and I guess coming to the realisation that I had to come to terms with it and work out where I should actually be. And in the whole process, I hurt others and ended up hurting myself too. Like you might know of Dark Jak from the games, that was sort of my year, but in a bit of a different sense”.

---

(4) Jak: "Oh she’s just been constantly pounded this year from everything. Like I said in Question 2, this year, more than anything, has just proven to be a shining example of what an amazing person she actually is, after everything she’s had to put up with and witness, including my shit antics. In-fact I wish I stuck around more to intervene when people would upset her or just be plain mean and spiteful towards her or about her. But then there’s a reason as to why I haven’t shown myself aside from my own problems. You guys think she’s putting out hateful content from the fifty measly words that Riku and Terra say in her defence as to how she feels in life? As a rowdy and no bullshit ISTP, you’d be seeing the gates of hell at your front door. Question 3 sorta outlines the rest of what she’s been through, and then also the etheric attacks and interferences which Riku and Terra have outlined more of”.

---

(5) Jak: "To be honest, I don’t think this should even exist as Question 5 because I don’t have anything, and neither does Riku apparently. I’ve been away that much or just been trying to avoid responsibilities, which in truth has actually been a loving home and a break away from my tyrannical past and origins. Maybe I’ll have something to report back next year if I’m lucky”.

---

(6) Jak: "Well there’s this guy from neither of our worlds called 18-Volt. How do I know about him? Well I’ve never met him until about a few weeks ago when I got this strange letter at Freedom HQ telling me how much of a fraud and a bullshit artist I was. As much as I wanted to find the guy in his sleep, something just hit me and it’s like I would have said the same thing if my dreamer was being abandoned by someone she cares about or who should be there for her; like he was using righteous anger. By the end of the letter, I was at the table, with my friends surrounding me, shitting myself to discover that a past dream guide had taken an interest in what was obviously a very big cesspit that I had created, spanning all the way to Diamond City in Warioware. And so I’m like ‘Jak, you done goofed’.

He said he wanted to meet me, so in the next day or two, we met up at the port. The guy who looked like a big frog, wearing some crazy glasses, started running his mouth at me about the terrible things I did, but he slowed down after a while, and his demeanour was rather passionate and friendly. He’s an ESFP like Tess. So as we spoke, as much as I don’t like sharing my own stories, he got to the heart of the matter, and like he was putting me through an X-ray machine of some sort. I had to admit by then that I had been awful towards Karla for most of the year, and there was no denying that. Especially due to the fact that 18-Volt said he actually wanted to support me if he could and be a buddy to get me back on the right path. That’s when I noticed that 18-Volt had actually come back after a long period of absence, which is where Riku took over.

I was amazed to find out that 18-Volt was watching Karla and her developing timeline this whole time. And that he actually had the strength to learn from his mistakes and come back years later, even if just to a helping role. And it’s like if he could bounce back after such a failure, then I could too. Like sometimes we get so caught up in ourselves and our own wants that we forget the bigger picture that we push away everything else. So 18-Volt returned a few more times and we continued to get to know each other. Eventually, I worked out that the mess was way too big for just a guy like him to help clean up, and also at the time, Karla’s teddy staff had also now showed up in Haven City to quote on quote, clean out the evil filth in it. It’s like in fear of losing me for good, she deployed over half the team to keep my world anchored to the ascending timeline fork.

Then I decided to go and knock on Karla’s door to check on her and see the state she was in. There’s this cute name she’d always called me; Jaky. But she couldn’t even utter my name when I came back. Everything was all over the place, so I went back to Haven, and I asked one of the guards [teddies] there to allow me to have therapy, which is something an ISTP apparently never does, so for the love of everyone, I broke the wall and decided enough was enough, and that it was time to open up and expel the demons from my life. I now see the new or substitute admin of the group, Josephine, twice a week for two hours each session, and it’s been pretty good. Once again I’m giving the recognition to 18-Volt here because if it wasn’t for that oh so scary letter, I wouldn’t be where I am now, and looking back at how much I’ve taken for granted and how much love Karla truly deserves”.

---

(7) Jak: " It’s been a bit bittersweet doing this Q and A, because I’m not sure if some of you remember Karla being so excited for 2023, and that it was going to be her year. Like we’ve said in the past, you can’t just shut yourself down and not be honest to anyone about how you went, whether it’s good or bad. So it’s like Karla has survived this year, but as it comes to a close, she’s giving what’s only a true reflection of what happened, with us sort of speaking it out though. The common theme being that we all expect better things from 2024, and that it isn’t just another slather of muck.

Like Terra said, it’s hard to keep a balance between those who hurt you and wish to see you dead or just non-existent, compared to those who just don’t know you or are the friendly faces amongst the army of metalheads. So again, please forgive her for the experiences that she’s had and the way in which she’s had to deal with them. It’s like how can you light others’ candles if yours never gets lit? Which is the same for me I guess. Well… Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. She might just post some art to finish the days off, but yeah, who knows what’s in store for 2024”.

------------------------------------

SUMMARY:

The internet and it’s networks may be a dead avenue, and the exhaustion of rising global tension has hit hard. But Karla’s immediate life has seen generous health, love and abundance. Any achievements of Karla’s have been acknowledged in private, because in the greater scheme of things, they have been only very small in the year of 2023.

[plaid-shirtsandvibranium-arms]

Nemesis: Retribution (2)

Summary: 10 years after the Avengers had left you for dead during a mission gone wrong, you unexpectedly re-enter their lives. Wholly unrecognizable from the person they used to know and now with a new team behind you, they ask for your help to stop a chain of syndicates who were manufacturing and peddling the super soldier serum. You were determined to say no until the chance at the vengeance you had been chasing for years was added to the offer.

Fandoms: Avengers, Marvel, MCU, The Punisher, Daredevil

Pairings: Female Reader x (Frank Castle, Billy Russo, Matt Murdock, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff)

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SMUT FOR THIS CHAPTER. SHAMELESS SEXUAL BEHAVIOURS. (18+ ONLY), polyamorous relationships, reverse harem, blatant disregard for canon timelines and events, mentions of illnesses, momentary fluff, bit of angst care of Bucky, Punisher canon level of violence and gore, rejection, bullying, heartbreak, character death

A/N: I couldn’t resist not posting this early. Here you go. Next ones will probably take a while coz I have to be an actual adult for a bit. 

No permission is granted to repost, steal, or translate my work. Not even a credit makes it okay. Tumblr is the only place I post my writing. If you see it anywhere else please report it.

Series Masterlist | Full Masterlist

1:2 Dark Chocolate

A few days of rest was required to recover from a super soldier's punch. The doctors had said that you were lucky Steve hadn't punched you with full strength or else you would probably have a whole cracked rib cage. You were anxious to jump back in to training, not used to being idle for very long.

You were given some painkillers at the clinic and ordered to stay there for the rest of the afternoon for monitoring. When you woke up, it was early evening and a blonde super soldier was napping on a steel chair next to your bed. He jumped when you moved to sit up, his heightened senses alarmed and disoriented for a second before he quickly switched to repeatedly apologizing to you. You laughed out loud. It was just a little ridiculous to you to see such a commanding presence in the field so charmingly boyish and adorably embarrassed.

Steve was a comforting presence but to be honest you were hoping to see Bucky. You didn't get a chance to thank him since he left immediately after the doctors had ushered you into the examination room. Once you were cleared to return to training, you caught sight of his long brunette hair and the bright smile on your face couldn't be stopped. It was the glare he pinned you with that made you halt your approach.

He was back to his disapproval of your very existence.

You had to admit that it stung. You thought that you were getting somewhere with him after he helped you. At least somewhere outside of the realm of outward disdain. And maybe you were hoping just a little bit that it could lead down the road to him feeling the same about you.

The timing was perfect when you were assigned to your first official mission with the Avengers. It was a chance to prove your worth to the team and to Bucky in particular. A chance to maybe make him see you as more than just a troublesome recruit.

You came back from the mission with your head held high and absolutely glowing with confidence at the kudos from Sam and Natasha. The great Natasha Romanoff had complimented your sniping skills, picking off enemies in her area even before she could aim her own gun at them.

The first thing you wanted to do after getting back to the Compound was to tell Bucky. You wanted to brag a little bit and maybe even thank him for the mentoring. If he hadn’t been so hard on you then you wouldn’t have pushed yourself to be at this level. You were skipping down the halls of the Compound in search for him, clutching the bullet casing from your first official Avenger kill.

FRIDAY had informed you that he was in the training area and you were bouncing on your feet with excitement. As you entered though the place was empty, the rest of the agents having retired to the mess halls. You ventured further in, trusting FRIDAY’s intel until you heard some noises coming from the adjacent armory. You smiled, he must be cleaning his guns again.

As you got closer, the noise began to get louder until you could make out what was undeniably pleasured moaning, one low and gravelly while the other more high pitched. You should have turned away, if only for the privacy of the couple who was wrapped up in their passion, but your curiosity pushed you to come closer and peak through the small crack in the door.

The brief image that you saw made you instantly draw back, a shaking hand pressed to your mouth to silence the shocked gasp. You backed away slowly, your mind struggling to process what you had just seen, then your flight response kicked in and you ran like hell out of there. The scene was burning a hole in your brain and caused your skin to grow cold. Sergeant Barnes rutting hard against a woman wrapped around his waist, his glinting eyes locked with yours, and a cocky sneer on his face.

You didn’t go to dinner that night or to the team celebration for a successful first mission. You chose instead to lay in your bunk with tears burning in your eyes and trying to erase the memory of your discovery. Of course he was already dating someone. A man of his caliber was sure to have a line-up of gorgeous eager women at his disposal. He probably had no interest in boring recruits like yourself. The woman he was throwing into bliss must be some supermodel or high ranking spy. How did you even end up deluding yourself that you could possibly catch his eye?

The rest of your roommates filtered in after a few hours, chatting away noisily about the party. Anna had come to sit on the edge of your bed and ran a comforting hand along your arm, concern clearly etched on her face.

“I’m fine. Just tired. The mission really wore me out,” you muttered with a small smile. You weren't ready to talk about it yet.

“Personally I think I had better success today than all of you,” Kim’s shrill voice cut through the good natured conversations in the room.

She wasn’t part of the group taken on the mission, claiming beforehand that she was ill. A chorus of curious why’s rang out through the group and she preened at once again being the center of attention.

“Well I just had the fuck of a lifetime from none other than Sergeant James Barnes.”

The room of women burst into chaos; squeals of disbelief, rapid fire questions on how big he was and how good of a lay was he, were they dating now or was this a fuck buddy situation. Of course Kim was more than happy to entertain each question.

You tuned all of it out, the noise turning into an annoying ringing in your ear. You turned around to face the wall as the silent tears that refused to be contained any longer fell to wet your pillow. You barely registered Anna squeezing your shoulder or the words that Kim threw your way.

“Sorry, Y/N. I guess I was just more Bucky’s type.”

You curled yourself into a tighter ball as the pain in your chest radiated across your whole body. You had assumed wrong about Bucky. It seemed that he wasn’t opposed to dating new recruits.

He was just opposed to you.

The taunting from Kim continued on and you just couldn't take it any longer. You brushed the tears away, grabbed your sweater, and marched yourself to the door. You needed to get some air. You needed to get away. Anywhere but there. You wrenched open the door and almost came crashing straight toward a solid chest. Your eyes travelled up to lock with the kind blue gaze of Captain America. You wondered why Steve was standing at the doors of your bunkers holding a pack of beer in his hand.

"Good evening, ladies," he said to the room of now suddenly speechless females. "I'm just going to borrow Y/N for a bit."

The crowd remained in shocked silence while you stared at him in confusion as he smiled sweetly down at you. He had gone looking for you when he didn't see you at the celebration after Natasha and Sam had sang your praises to him at your performance. He wanted to congratulate you and bring you a drink for a job well done.

"Come on. I know a good spot," he said, placing a hand on your back and guiding you out.

Steve brought you to the top of an observatory in the Compound. It was quiet, peaceful, and offered a great view. He cracked open a bottle for you and the conversation just flowed naturally. He kept making you laugh until your sides hurt with stories about his time as a performer in the military and all the unfortunate videos that came with it. You were crying with pure joy when he relented and re-enacted his buy military bonds act, your earlier darkened mood forgotten for the moment.

Steve felt like he did something right when your glassy eyes and defeated expression was replaced with clear amusement. Even if it was at his expense. He wouldn't ask what the reason was, but he felt happy he made you feel better.

"Thank you, Steve," you muttered before you parted ways. Somehow both of you understood that it was more than just for the drink.

You promised yourself then that you would give yourself tonight to weep over your unfortunate romantic feelings. Only for tonight. Come morning you would focus all your energy on what you actually came here to do; become an Avenger. You slept fitfully that night, the shell casing from your first mission still gripped in your hand.

You made a conscious effort after that day to limit your interactions with Bucky and Kim to polite clipped conversations. At first Bucky had been surprised at your change in attitude, your blank expression and sparse words causing a momentary guilt to flash in his eyes. You had chosen instead to spend more time with Steve and the twins, your mood obviously brighter around them.

You were sitting now in a large conference room for a briefing on the next mission with a handful of other recruits when Sam Wilson sent you out to fetch the rest of the Avengers who were running late and not responding.

"Can you get them for me, sweetheart?" he chuckled, knowing that you blushed uncontrollably each time he used a nickname on you.

FRIDAY had directed you to the private common room exclusive for their use. You were about to knock on the door when you heard your name in the middle of what sounded like a heated argument. Against your better judgement, you leaned in closer.

"I don't think Y/N's cut out to be part of this team."

Your heart dropped. The conviction in Bucky's voice was clear. It was one thing for your infatuation with him to be forcefully thrown back at your face, but for him to explicitly state to a set of people that you held at such high esteem that you were not good enough was a whole other vicious heartbreak.

Lily was wrong. This time you should have known when to quit.

You forced yourself to crack the door wider and step inside, clearing your throat to announce your presence. You didn't see the startled look on their faces or the guilty one that followed when they realized that you had heard. One look at your sad glistening eyes that refused to look up confirmed it. Natasha and Steve both threw Bucky a deadly glare.

"Sam wants you all at a briefing. I was sent to come get you."

Your voice was so small and unsteady, none of the easy happiness and optimistic determination that it usually carried. Bucky felt the shame burn through him, the guilt drowning him in an instant. You weren't supposed to hear that. He took a step towards you, instinct driving him to do anything to wipe that defeated look off your face, but a threatening look from the twins pinned him in place.

"We'll walk back with you, little star," Pietro said softly, appearing beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder. Wanda came on the other side, looping your arm with hers.

For the rest of the briefing, you strained with the effort of focusing on Sam while blatantly ignoring Bucky. You knew he was staring a hole at the back of your head, but you couldn't allow yourself to give him any satisfaction by looking back. You were soon assigned your tasks, you being placed on sniper duty again having performed well the last time.

It was supposed to be a run of the mill mission for intel and taking out a criminal base, but with the expectation of more hostiles so a slightly bigger team was necessary. You practically flew out of the room when you were dismissed, not giving anyone a chance to talk to you. A decision was solid in your mind now for when you got back.

This would be your last mission.

The ride on the jet to the location was spent with you cleaning your gear and checking your weapons. You were sliding a few knives in place when Bucky came in front of you holding out another set of knives for you to take.

"You know if you tilt the hilt to the left you can fit more in one holster," he said.

It was odd hearing him with almost warmth in his tone toward you. If it had happened yesterday, you probably would be celebrating this fact. You nodded at him, but didn't say a word.

"Remember to keep your head low and stay on your post. Okay, doll?"

You nodded wordlessly again. Because you made a point not to look at his face, you missed the way he was struggling to say more to you and the disheartened look when you obviously weren't going to answer him. You ignored him for the rest of the ride, choosing to focus on reviewing the intel.

As far as bad intel could go, this had to be the worst. You were perched up on a densely covered hill a good distance away from the base that the rest of the team were storming. You were picking off as many hostiles coming out of the base as quick as your hands would allow. Your fingers were starting to ache from the constant reloading, your eyes stung from the gunpowder, and your lip was already bleeding from biting down on it.

The noise in the comms was pure mayhem. Each team member trying to ask for help, for backup, for a plan. You had all come expecting a fight but not an army prepared to defend. You were certainly not expecting HYDRA.

"They have Bucky."

Three words spoken that sent a cold dread to wash over all of you. HYDRA couldn't be allowed to take Bucky. You abandoned your post without a second thought and sprinted down toward the base, pistols at the ready for anyone coming your way.

"Last location," you asked urgently as you slipped into the building shooting down two agents immediately.

"West wing. Near the last corridor," Steve grunted, clearly having a hard time on his end. "Y/N, do not engage!"

"I'm the closest one, Cap."

"I'm close too. Just a little busy," Natasha huffed. "I'll follow, Y/N. Steve, we need to get the hell out of here."

Steve had reluctantly agreed, seeing that there was no other choice. He quickly barked orders and commanded you to keep safe. You nodded although he couldn't see it as you wove through the corridors at full speed in search of your teammate. The moment you barged into that last room, your eyes found an unconscious Bucky immediately.

Seeing him in that chair horrified you; shirt ripped, bleeding in several areas, skin pale and cold with sweat, chest rising and falling far too rapidly, and eyes that were unresponsive. You were so distracted by the jarring image that you failed to notice the operatives across the room until the bullets were burning through your soft flesh.

You screamed from the pain, but raised your gun and fired back until you heard their bodies thud heavily on the floor. You clutched at your side, the amount of wet blood pouring out was alarming. You pushed your own welfare aside and hurriedly undid Bucky's restraints. It was a struggle to sit up a semi-conscious super soldier and when you took his weight on your shoulders, you collapsed to the floor at the intense pain in your arm. You hadn't realized that you had multiple shots there too.

You gritted your teeth and groaned at the effort of lifting you both up, your blood soaking through your gear as well as Bucky's. You huffed painfully with each step but you just had to get him out of there. You could have kissed Natasha square in the mouth when you saw her come barreling towards you.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N!" she winced at your state before taking Bucky's other side. Apparently you looked as bad as you felt. "We gotta move fast. I hear more of them coming up this way. This path is clear."

Having Natasha's help in carrying Bucky alleviated some of the burden from you and made you all move faster, but the blood loss was already starting to make your vision blurry and the adrenaline was wearing off. Through the haze, you could also hear the rapidly approaching footsteps. Soon you would be basically useless and you knew there was no way Natasha could carry you both out while fighting off a hoard of enemies.

"Natasha," you said quietly, your steps faltering.

"No. Keep going goddamn it!" Natasha cried.

She knew what you were thinking. She had assessed the situation too and come to the same miserable conclusion. You smiled sadly at her angry eyes and shaking head as you let go of your hold on Bucky. Her eyes widened further as you limped toward the doors behind you and locked them tight before raising your guns to aim right at anyone who would come through them.

She didn't miss how your hands were shaking and your shot arm could barely hold up, the way you scowled deeper in pain with each movement, or how your uniform was soaked in your own blood and slowly forming a pool at your feet. Ghastly as you looked, you turned your head and tossed her another gentle smile. You were basically going to use yourself as a human shield for them and yet you were comforting her. You were reassuring her.

"Check on my sister for me, yeah?"

Natasha wanted to insist on another plan. Anything other than leave you behind to hold off the nearing enemy units. Shouting and gunfire from the other side of the door forced her to make a decision. She cursed sharply under her breath and dragged Bucky away with her, the regret heavy on her heart for having to leave you behind.

You stepped further back and supported your weak body against the wall after Natasha had thankfully left. The enemy was trying their hardest to barge through the door, ramming into it and shooting their guns at the locks. It wouldn't be long now before they manage to breach it.

You took a moment to spare a thought for your sister. A part of you was saddened to think of her grief after she finds out that you had done the most heroic thing anyone could ever do.

Sacrifice.

Another part of you was relieved knowing that she had Jill and she wouldn't be alone in that grief. When you decided this morning that this would be your last mission, you didn't necessarily expect it to be in this way.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

Natasha managed to get Bucky back to the jet where the rest of the team were all converging, still fighting off operatives chasing after them. There just didn't seem to be any end to them.

"I'm going back for Y/N!" she yelled to the team as she dropped Bucky on the floor of the jet. There was no time to be gentle, she had to hurry back to help you out.

"What do you mean? Where the hell is Y/N, Nat?" Steve shouted as he grabbed her arm.

"She stayed behind to hold off the ones chasing us so we could get out. I have to go back!"

"I will go. I can get her out," Pietro volunteered at once but he doubled over immediately from the extensive wounds on his torso.

Natasha was already sprinting back into the compound, not willing to waste another minute. She made it only a few feet before the entire facility exploded into a fiery inferno that quickly ravaged it and threw her farther back.

The entire team watched in horror as the explosions continued on several parts of the structure. The area was quickly getting engulfed by the flames and smoke. Steve had to force everyone onto the jet and bodily carry a shell shocked Natasha.

No one could have possibly survived that.

------------------------------

Natasha steadied her breath as she quietly landed on a perch high above in the rafters of a seedy warehouse. Wanda joined her seconds later, weaving her magic to better cloak them. The other twin was running a lap around the perimeter and would join them later.

She was assigned weird missions all the time. Missions that had very little to doubtful intel was common. This mission though was by far the strangest she's ever gotten. There was a very small list of vague things that were told to them; the time and location, not to intervene, to remain unseen until the target was ready, bring the target to the Compound.

She was slightly annoyed, but she complied anyway. She was curious too as the mission was given in secret to only the three of them. A million questions was speeding through her mind as she observed the activity below. It looked like a regular run of the mill drug den filled with busy workers and roving guards.

"How many, Wanda?" Natasha whispered.

"I sense more than 25 of them. All armed, but with much fear."

A gust of wind signaled the return of the other twin. He had a frown on his face and a concerned look in his eyes. "There is another one, but this one does not seem to be with them."

Natasha was starting to sincerely doubt this mission when a fast movement from the shadows caught her eye. By the way the twins perked up too, they surely had seen it. They followed the figure as it slipped through the darkness, almost losing track if they hadn't noticed that the guards were quickly dwindling in number. Natasha was growing worried, this was surely a highly skilled group of assassins. Pietro must have been mistaken. They were clean and efficient too.

All of a sudden a gunfight broke out below them. A figure completely clad in black, strolled casually out from the shadows with a pistol in each hand firing precisely at their targets. They confidently charged closer, unfazed as they greeted the gunfire. They continued to tear viciously through the crowd with a deadly mix of combat, bullets, and blades. 

The workers had drawn their weapons by now as well, but they were quickly killed off with barbaric aggression. It did not take long for the floor below to become a sea of blood and lifeless bodies. One person remained barely alive, hanging on to his middle to keep his internal organs from spilling out from the wide gash. The attacker came to him, nonchalantly stepping over decimated bodies. They couldn't hear what was exchanged from this distance, only the choked scream that followed as he was stabbed straight through the throat. His blood spurting out like a broken faucet.

Natasha had been in this profession for a while, but she has never seen this level of unrestrained violence.

One person.

One single person had cleared out a base of approximately 30 people. Natasha was growing more and more worried. Clearly this person was at the very least an enhanced and even with the twins with her, they were not prepared to face someone powered.

What kind of bloodthirsty lunatic does this?

"You can come down now."

All three of them froze in place. Looking down, the attacker was staring right at them with cloaked eyes. Reluctantly and very slowly, Wanda used her powers to float them down carefully keeping a good distance from this murderer.

From this close they could now see that they were in full military tactical gear in what was originally all matte black, but now had an explosion of dripping red. Combat boots, fitted cargo pants, a long sleeved shirt underneath a tight bulletproof vest, gloves, a loose hood over their head, and a cloth mask around the lower half of their face.

"Should have known something was up when my team mentioned seeing a really fast man."

The shivers that travelled through every expanse of skin on Natasha, was a reaction to that voice. It sounded strangely familiar yet unknown, but something in her mind was denying her from piecing it together. The moment the hood was dropped to reveal their eyes was when she spiraled into a complete icy shock. They were eyes that had haunted her for the past ten years. Haunted all of them. The only difference was that the eyes in her memories were smiling warmly.

The bloodied face mask was lowered to reveal a face they mourned, unmistakable and yet completely different. White raised scars branched out like weaving vines from the right side of the neck to just above the jaw and the ears. They were obviously old and healed but still raised and prominent, adding an even more dangerous edge to the menacing look on their face.

Your face.

"Hello, Natasha. Pietro. Wanda."

10 years after they had watched you tragically perish in a burning HYDRA facility, you stood before three of a group of people you had unknowingly tormented all these years.

The earpiece you wore crackled to life. "Blackbird to Hedwig. I have a visual. Should I shoot them?"

You smirked. There was no need for that. At least not right now.

"Hey, Blackbird. Tell Raven I'll be late for dinner. I have a reunion to get to."

------------------------------

A/N: Tell me which pairing or combination in this harem you’re most looking forward to. Smut or otherwise. I’m still rearranging scenes and working out smut. There is a long list of kinks. I need help.

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[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

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Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

“I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[johaerys-writes]

Writing Tag Game

I was tagged by @noire-pandora @midnightprelude @mogwaei @serial-chillr @faerieavalon @pinkfadespirit @inquisitoracorn and @in-arlathan thank you so much! :)

How many works do you have on Ao3?

On my main Ao3 blog: 23! I also have a second blog where I post works set in the Dragon Age-inspired Modern AU I've been writing with @oftachancer , featuring my OC Tristan Trevelyan and her OC Aran Trevelyan, as well as a few others of our OCs. There are 5 works there at the moment. You can check them out here: jo_writes

What's your total Ao3 wordcount?

On my main blog, 516,722 words. On my second blog, 193,953 words, but the majority of it is co-written with @oftachancer .

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

High-Flying Birds: 589 kudos (TSOA)

Where Blood Roses Bloom: 467 kudos (Castlevania)

Winter's Fruit: 424 kudos (TSOA)

Like Friends Do: 410 kudos (TSOA)

Memories and Echoes: 327 kudos (TSOA)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always!! I don't think there's a single comment I've ever received that I've left unanswered. I just love talking with my readers and screeching in my replies. I often wonder whether I come across as a tiny bit insane or overly enthusiastic, but you know what? I am both, so who cares 😂 I just appreciate every single person that has taken the time to read and comment on my works, and I want to make sure they know JUST HOW MUCH 

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I honestly don't think that many of my stories have an angsty ending? Most of them end on a hopeful or at least bittersweet note, I think. I'm pretty sure the only ones I've written that have sad endings were those in my Hector/Carmilla series, You Always Hurt The Ones You Love (CV) which were kind of dark and depressing anyway. 

Playground Love, the fic I've written with @oftachancer featuring our OCs Tristan and Aran ends on an angsty note, but things do get better in the next installment, Never Let Me Go, so I suppose I am a little allergic to angsty endings XD

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

The Stars Will Guide Us Home (TSOA, Modern AU) has a super soft and fluffy ending, and Fall Into Your Tide (TSOA, Merman AU) will have a happy ending too.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written? 

I've written a Witcher/Dragon Age crossover, Viper In Tall Grass, where Tristan is a witcher and Dorian a Nilfgardian mage which I thoroughly enjoyed! Also, one of the first long fics I ever finished was a Witcher/Wheel of Time crossover, which I think is genuinely the most... imaginative thing I've written 😂 I never posted it and don't think I will, but I still love it to bits and I'm super proud of myself for writing it. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic? 

Kind of? It wasn't directed at me personally (I don't think) but at one of the main characters of the fic. Perhaps it was referring to the way I'd written the particular character, I truly can't say, it was a little vague. It takes a lot to offend me, but this really rubbed me the wrong way. I honestly think I would have been less offended if the person had criticised my writing rather than the character lol. I just don't take any shit when it comes to the characters I love. They're PERFECT, okay? How dare you come into my house and badmouth them 😂 RUDE

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell YEAH! I love writing smut, it's great. As to what kind, I think that porn with feelings describes it really well. The smut I write tends to get emotional real quick, even when I intended for it to be straight up porn, so I guess there's no hope for me, hah. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. 

Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Yes, High-Flying Birds has been translated into Vietnamese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! With oftachancer, two novel-length fics (Playground Love and Never Let Me Go), as well as a few other WIPs that haven't been posted yet, and I'm currently working on a multi-chap fic with my friendo @in-arlathan , featuring Dorian/Tristan and Solas with her Elenara Lavellan, which I'm so excited about! I've also brainstormed and goblined-out over a couple projects with @mogwaei !!  I love co-writing, it's so fun :)

What's your all time favourite ship?

Oooh, that's a tough one. I'm super biased in that the ships I love are those I write (both canon and OC pairings) but if you held a gun to my head and asked me to choose I would probably have to say... Dorian/Tristan and Achilles/Patroclus? AAH this is too hard ;w;

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I do plan on finishing all of the WIPs I am currently working on. I have a lot of writing ideas that I don't think I'll ever get around to, but when I actually start writing something I tend to commit till the end.

What are your writing strengths?

Descriptions, introspection and angsty/emotional scenes I think are my favourite things to write. I also enjoy writing fight scenes a little too much (and judging by the feedback I receive on them people seem to enjoy them too, heh). Lastly, I've been told that the characters I write are complex and fleshed out and that my pacing is good, and that's honestly the best praise for me.

What are you writing weaknesses?

I struggle quite a lot with self doubt and perfectionism. I worry a lot about how my work will be perceived and whether it's good enough. I often agonise over small details or paragraphs/sentences, to the point where I sometimes post just so I stop myself from going back and editing indefinitely. I have thousands upon thousands of words in deleted scenes because "they weren't quite right" or I changed a tiny bit and the rest didn't fit. So. You get the idea 😅 (Now, how I manage to read through everything multiple times before posting yet still get typos... welp)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Hmm, I have to say that I do like it when there are foreign words interspersed through the narrative if the story isn't set in an English speaking world or if the characters speak a different language, but I'm not a huuuge fan of seeing a big chunk of dialogue in a foreign language without immediate translation or a hovering text. It kind of breaks the immersion for me and I tend to avoid it generally in my own writing.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Dragon Age, and specifically DAI! That game never gets old for me.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

It's impossible for me to pick just one so I'm going to cheat and choose a few. I absolutely love my current WIPs: High-Flying Birds, Where Blood Roses Bloom and A World With You, and the freaking epic-length fics I've written with @oftachancer . They haven't always been easy to write (especially AWWY, which has the most intricate plot & character development) but I'm so proud of them and I've learned so much while writing them. Of my finished stories, The Stars Will Guide Us Home is hands down one of my all time faves. It had been on my mind for several months before I actually wrote it, and I poured so much of my heart into it. I still get emotional when I go back to reread it, not gonna lie! Lastly, At The Water's Edge (TSOA) is very dear to me and I often go back for rereads. 

I'm tagging forth to (no pressure!): @fancytrinkets @elveny @glimmerofgold @asiriushoe @juliafied @boshtet-juggler @schattengerissen @dafan7711 @tessa1972 @fandomn00blr @pikapeppa and anyone else who would like to join!

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: T

Words: 1.3K~

Summary: His family’s not present, the third time he runs away. They never see the creature he becomes.

Early corruption AU.

I’m back! Future updates are likely to be slower as I am starting a new job soon, but at very least I have now settled into my new home. I share some writer’s meta on the AO3 version.

If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3 as well. Thank you! <3

____

“So, I’ve been doin’ a lot of thinking,” Amethyst begins one day, propping her chin against the raised lip of the lava pool as she lounges on the floor at the center of the temple’s burning room, which they’ve started to use as their meeting space again.

Pearl— standing beside one of the lower branches of crystal pipes— tiredly glances her direction, nodding for her to speak. Even Garnet’s head tilts in interest, which is quite an accomplishment given her recent uncharacteristic silence. She suspects that she’s been busying herself scouring through whole galaxies of possibilities, although she’s not sure what good that will do without any reasonable intel to guide that vision. It’s been well over a week and a half since Steven’s gone missing, and beyond the existence of what they suspect is a corrupted Gem and footprints leading towards the water, they have no further clues. No inklings as to where Steven might have disappeared to, no hits from Greg’s posters, not even any leading tips from Homeworld or any of the outlying Gem-inhabited planets. And as for this particular creature... they’ve only met a single eyewitness. A human, who briefly caught its silhouette against the backdrop of sunrise. Perhaps if it ran further inland it would’ve tripped one of their old corrupted Gem surveillance sensors, but they never placed any in the oceans. They barely have any means to survey the oceans.

“I’ve been talkin�� to all sorts of people the past few days, right?” Amethyst says, widely gesturing as she rolls onto her back. “All Steven’s friends. People in town who knew him pretty well. And pretty much everyone agrees that he was actin’ pretty weird these past few months. Sadie described him as overly-tense. I called up Lars on his ship, and he kept saying that he was genuinely worried about his mental health, or whatever. Greg told me the same thing. And Connie. And basically everyone else.”

Pearl rhythmically flexes her fingers in and out of a fist against her side, her features rapidly curling into a scowl. “And what does that have to do with his disappearance?”

“Uh, potentially everything?” she snips back, throwing her hands in the air above her. “Y’guys, you’ve been making so many assumptions, but we barely know anything! You can’t just blindly throw out the idea that the whole corrupted Gem thing and Steven are linked without at least considering it.”

She grimaces, not even bothering to filter out the full intensity of her bitterness in the audience of such a ridiculous, illogical notion. “Amethyst, we’ve talked about your little ‘theory’ already. And everyone agreed that it’s impossible.”

“And yet it’s true that Steven has defied the impossible before,” Garnet comments suddenly, adjusting her visor.

“Are you defending her?” Pearl gasps, turning towards her old friend with her mouth agape with shock.

She crosses her arms, evidently unbothered by the weight of her subtle betrayal as she lounges back against the entryway. “I’m not defending nor rejecting, merely acknowledging a possibility.”

“Yeah, see?” the younger Gem chimes right back in, quickly pushing herself to her feet to rise to her full height. (Which blessedly— if she’s aiming for intimidation— isn’t much.) “Garnet gets it! Steven’s different than us. Always has been. His powers just do what whatever the hell he’s feeling, right? He feels happy, he floats. He feels spooked, bam! Bubble. He feels like an old man, he literally turns into one. And recently, it seems like he’s been feeling pretty crappy, which probably wasn’t helped by us getting all up in his business after he crashed the van.”

She squints. “Is this going anywhere?”

“Yes,” Amethyst stresses, peering right up at her, her eyes flaring with an urgency and passion Pearl admittedly hasn’t seen her wielding in quite some time. “Because I also talked to Jasper the other day. And she gave me the last piece of the puzzle I needed.”

The quartz steps back to address them both, hands nervously fidgeting with the frayed stitching of her missing sibling’s wool jacket.

“I gotta admit, this isn’t easy news, but it has to be shared.” She inhales tightly, briefly closing her eyes as she does so. “I’m pretty sure the reason Steven had her in the bathroom is that he was trying to heal her with the diamond essences he keeps there. Because he shattered her, in a duel.”

Pearl freezes. The kinder reality she’s stubbornly nurtured within her mind ignites and burns to cinders in an instant, hard light thrumming through the thin circuitry of her extremities at such an unimaginable pace that her form barely manages to keep up with the strain. She nearly crumples to her knees upon the sheer anguish of the revelation, only narrowly catching her fall to remain upright. Across the room, Garnet appears to be on the brink of splitting apart. She... shards, her primary instinct screams for her to violently discard every last bitter tasting word Amethyst has spoken into the furthest recesses of her mind, to rot and decay there for the rest of this cursed eternity, and yet still her picture perfect memory chooses to taunt her with details of the recent past... with the hauntingly damning fact that— when she checked the bathroom after watching Steven warp away, the last moment any of them laid eyes on him— the bottles of diamond essence had indeed been sloppily spilled into the bathtub.

“Her words, mind you, not mine,” Amethyst continues, no amount of stabilizing calm in her tone able to mask the slight tremor under the surface. “You can ask her yourself, if you want.”

“No,” she whispers, hot tears budding in her eyes as she presses her hands to her mouth. “That’s not what happened, it can’t be...”

“So, returning to my theory, you have a kid who’s already feeling terrible, someone whose powers do whatever he’s feeling. A diamond. And then he makes the worst possible mistake: he shatters someone. Accident or not, it don’t matter. Because maybe then... he starts feeling like a monster. Becomes a monster.”

“No,” she shakes her head vehemently. “No, no. Corruption doesn’t work that way, you—“

“Like, think about it!” Amethyst interrupts, striding towards her again. “Really think about it! All we know for sure is—“

“Amethyst, you have to STOP, this—“

“—corruption was caused by the Diamonds, but besides tha—“

“—you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking abo—“

“—how it actually works is like a total mystery!”

“NO!” she explodes, plunging the room around her into a dreadful silence. “You weren’t there, but I WAS!!” The burdens of her personal history grow heavier still as she jabs a decisive finger square at the center of her chest, continuing her impassioned tirade with water trailing down her cheeks in thin rivulets all the while. “I watched as that horrid corrupting light slammed against the surface, nearly obliterating any living Gem in its path, I watched as my friends and allies lost all control over their forms and became a twisted shadow of their former selves, I watched all of that!! So you don’t get to tell me what I do or don’t know about corruption!”

Amethyst’s expression sobers considerably in the audience of her outrage. Pointedly, as if expecting rescue, she turns her gaze to Garnet, who has her arms hugged around her middle as if holding herself in one piece. Quite honestly, after the horrid news they’ve just become privy to, she probably is.

“We should move on to a new subject,” the fusion states frankly, once again avoiding any clear stance on the topic. “This is clearly making Pearl very upset.”

The quartz’s eyes alight in clear indignation. “Y’know what? Fine,” she spits, shoving her hands in her pockets and storming towards the doorway. “If both of you are gonna be that sensitive, I’ll take my ideas somewhere else. But just for the record?” she says, whirling back to face them mere inches before passing through the temple’s threshold. “The reason Steven keeps running away is staring back at us in the mirror. You just refuse to see it. And that’s not my problem.”

[rainofaugustsith]

Thank you so much @tishinada for the tag! Tagging, um, @verbose-vespertine @a-muirehen

I think I can count this one for 100 Days of Writing today. @the-wip-project

My AO3 list of works is here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainofAugust

How many works do you have on AO3?

51. 

What’s your total AO3 word count?

460200. 

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

SWTOR on AO3. 

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

An Open Affinity - 294 

The Eternal Wrath - 247

Sithy Snippets - 138

Five Times - 118 

Two Days - 85 

Do you respond to comments; why or why not?

I always do my best to respond. Every now and then there's been a comment that has gotten lost in my emails but when I see it I do respond even if it's later on. I really appreciate it when people comment. 

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably one I actually pulled down that was an AU called "Total Eclipse." It was an AU, worst-case-scenario story that Lana was in on things during the traitor arc (again, complete AU) and when Viri found out she had a complete meltdown and tried to kill herself. Because if she couldn't trust Lana she couldn't trust anyone and after everything in the traitor arc and Zildrog, it completely broke her. I pulled it down because it was really dark, and in my headcanon it does not work anyway - Viri and Lana cannot lie to each other. 

I am of the opinion that my characters need and deserve happy endings so that is what I write. They may go through all sorts of angst but nobody dies, nobody loses their wife or girlfriend, nobody ends the story with a sad conclusion. I try to end on happy notes, or hopeful ones. 

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not on AO3, knock on wood, but I've had nasty comments sent to me on Tumblr. There was someone who was throwing very open hate at asexuality (Viri is demisexual and that's integral to her story of falling in love with Lana) and someone else who was pissy with how Viri treated Theron after Nathema (he's still in the Alliance, but she doesn't trust him and he's not inner circle now - and not someone she considers a friend). 

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. Always sapphic, and I'm really big on enthusiastic, clear consent and emotional connection. I try to show Lana and Viri as being a couple that truly enjoys each other, has a lot of fun in bed (and out of it, given all the places they've had sex, LOL), and pays attention to what they each need. 

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not...per se. But I've found one that had a very, very similar word for word scene. I did not say anything publicly, I just cried a lot and talked to a friend about it. It honestly upset me enough that I stopped writing fanfic for a while and then wrote an angry fic where I had my characters say all the angry things I wanted to say about it. 

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not as far as I know.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Lana/Viri of course. 

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I'm struggling a lot with "The Two." It's meant to be Suvia and Viri during their Dark Council and Wrath days when they formed an alliance and became friends. I'm really stalling on it because getting my head into post-class story, pre-SOR space isn't the easiest task for me. 

What are your writing strengths?

I much do my best to consider backstory and detail. To use the blue curtains metaphor, sometimes the curtains in my fics are just blue - there's nothing behind them. But at the same time I do consciously often try to bake in a lot of my characters' backstories and make them multi-dimensional. 

What are your writing weaknesses?

Right now, finishing stuff. Also I tend to have very little confidence and assume everything I write is awful. 

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Every now and then I've thrown a word in Sith into a fic. Writing non-fic, every now and then I've used terms in Latin, French, Yiddish, Spanish or Italian that are commonly seen in English or are known. Like I've caught myself writing "it's a schlep" in Rain Plays SWTOR guides because that's what I'd say IRL. 

In general, though, when it comes to more than a word here or there, I write in English and then indicate that the person is speaking in another language. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I don't even know. Probably Star Wars. I wrote my own Star Wars stories as a kid. Nobody read them, but I wrote them. 

 What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

My favorite smut fic is "Been a Long Day." I think it's just really hot and well put together. Second is "Ten Ways To Please Your Lover." 

Favorite overall is "The Eternal Wrath" even though it's not done. Because I'm really proud of how I wrote the Machine Gods, Viri's confrontation with Zildrog and Viri's Force Walking illness. 

[acearohippo]

So I just finished watching Japan Sinks 2020 and major spoiler warning ahead!!

So, in episode 4 or 5 the crew end up in that happy village (which high key, glad to know I'm not the only one who immediately thought it was a cannibalistic cult. What a reversal.) And in that village, Ayumu takes on a job to take care of a man who's fully paralysed. He can twitch his fingers pretty good and he can blink, but yeah that's about it, can't talk or make sounds or anything. Well, he's Onodera-san and even before that revral I saw him and was like "he's my favourite character. Iono how long he's been in this condition, but hell yeah dude, you survivin!" I mean, I figured he was definitely going to die when this mini Arc finished finished because it was clear that he was gonna be the sage character who gives the main character some much needed information and then once he did, there'd be no more use for him story wise.

BUT BOI was I wrong and FUCK YEAH I'M SO HAPPY I WAS. Tell me how this dude SURVIVED the ENTIRE PLOT -after being introduced- and his ONE LINE of "dialogue" (is, the only time the show gave us subtitles for what he was communicating rather than have the other crew figure it out through the note app and whatnot) was "I want to punch everyone in the face who said I was wrong" like DUDE. I'LL HELP YA.

Like, man, does anyone realise that by just existing, he single handedly stared a proverbial Charles Darwin in the eye and said "yeah, who's the fittest here?? Me bitch." And !!!!! An absolute legend. I am SO HAPPY that he lived, cause I'm honestly over this mentality of "leave the weak to perish" meanwhile it was the MOST "FIT" PEOPLE WHO DIED FIRST except my girl nanami from the beginning, that was so cruel to have her beat up a would be r*pist and then kill her off in the next episode but you know what?? Water under the bridge, because they ��🏽kept👏🏽that👏🏽energy👏🏽 later on when ayumu bodied that pervert as well!

But for real, I'm so happy that Onodera-san made it to the end! You KNOW he was having some attitude in his head, judging the crew for all their dumbass decisions. like really, they decided they was just gonna ignore the big old barge of uber nationalistic Japanese people chanting "purify japan! We are the pure! We are real Japanese!" And STILL decided to drag their non pure asses to the boat guide?? I swear, Onodera-san was like "um... I know these fools ain't about to drag my dark ass, his foreign ass, and THEY dark asses onto that boat, mufuh's crazy and stupid.". Gods, I love this show.

Could've done without that random sex scene. It was consensual which, kudos to making the only graphic sex scene consensual and playing the noncons as disgusting before bodying them, but yeah it threw me off guard and came out of nowhere. And I guess it added something in hindsight? That the lady and her body guard were actually married with a kid who probably has some sort of intellectual disability and OK, another tangent, HELL YEAH MOMMA AND POPS making an entire ass community where everyone is accepting of others without expecting anything from anyone, JUST so you could raise your son in a community that won't shun him for his disability. Excellent spotlight on Japan's poor treatment of those with mental disorders.

Gosh this SHOW.

[rsadelle]

Your writing is really good, do you have any tips? I started something but after reading yours and some by others I feel rubbish about it 😂x

Awww, thanks anon! I appreciate the compliment. ♥

I'm not sure I'm the best person to give tips to new writers; I've been writing for a long time and it's hard to look back and see what was helpful earlier. There are some ideas below, and maybe other people will chime in with additional tips or resources.

Write a lot. Writing is a skill, and like any skill, part of how you learn to do it is just by doing it again and again. I will also encourage you here to learn to write for yourself. This means write what you want to write without thinking too much about your potential audience. I know that this is much easier said than done. I have an advantage in that I've been posting fic for over 20 years, which means I come from a time before centralized fan fiction archives, before kudos and likes, and even before websites with comments. Look at the general comments to hits ratio on fic on AO3, and then imagine what it was like when people had to first find your story and then actually send you an email if they wanted to tell you they liked your fic. I learned to post fic knowing that maybe no one would ever tell me that they liked it, and that's a big part of why it doesn't bother me if other people don't like my fic the way I do. The thing I'm probably happiest about having written last year only has six kudos, and that doesn't make me any less happy about having written it. I've also written things that I never even posted, and yet that doesn't make having written them a waste. I don't know how to learn this in a world so focused on kudos and likes, but I do know it's possible to look at your writing that way.

The lesser talked about part of writing for yourself is to figure out a writing process that works for you. There are so many suggestions out there about what a writing process can or should look like, but it only works if it works for you. Try out a bunch of those ideas, certainly, but don't think that any one of them is the one and only way. Writing is also about the experience of writing. There are a lot of writing advice books out there, and I tried reading several of them before I realized that the reason they didn't work for me was that most of them started with the premise that writing is some difficult, torturous thing you have to force yourself to sit down and do, and that isn't how I feel about writing at all. There's effort in writing, certainly, but it isn't a horrible experience. If the way you're going about it is making you miserable, then it's not the right way for you. I don't want to discourage you from writing; I do want to discourage you from doing things that make you unhappy. This is especially true when it's a hobby, because hobbies are activities that we get to choose to do and enjoy.

Remember that you're a beginner. There's a great post I couldn't find with a quick google about thinking about how someone who's been writing for three years could be called a level 3 writer, and one way to combat the idea that you're not good enough is to think about a three-year-old as a level 3 human and remember that just as a level 3 human has a lot of learning and growing to go, so does a level 3 writer. You're not bad at it; you're just new. Again, writing is a skill, and that means you can learn and develop it. I also want to share with you the most important secret about life I've learned as an adult, which I wouldn't have believed as a teenager: it's okay to fail. It's okay if your writing doesn't go the way you want it to or if it's not loved the way you wish it were. That doesn't make you less valuable as a person, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Read a lot. Reading is an important part of writing. You can absorb things about writing, or get inspired, or just remind yourself that you love written stories. It can also be helpful to consciously notice how authors do things you do and don't like so you can better understand how writing works. If you read a story or a book and you think, "I really liked that," can you see what the author did that you liked? If you read something you didn't like, can you see what made it not work for you? It can also be helpful to read outside your usual genres. I read a romance novel trilogy of a sort I don't usually read recently, and I found that the part of my brain that analyzes writing snapped itself on and I noticed all kinds of things about the style and structure that I don't necessarily think about in more familiar genres. If this sounds like the kind of thing you learn about in English classes in school, that's because it is. I obviously don't know anything about your age or life situation, anon, but if you're in school, pay attention in your English classes or sign up for one and get some guided practice in this. In my earlier fic writing days, I remember thinking that having done poetry analysis in high school was especially helpful for writing because poetry, more than longer prose works, really forces you to pay attention to word choices. I have also long thought that fan fiction is essentially literary analysis in a fictional form. Understanding the basics of how to pull apart and interpret a text can help you do the same thing when you go to write fic about it.

Learn the rules of grammar and punctuation. This is not an exciting piece of advice. However, I do think it's an important one. These are fundamentals when it comes to the written language. I think a lot about a scene in a book I read years ago where the character is very resistant to learning deportment until someone tells her something like, "You can flout the rules of society, but you have to understand them first." Writing is the same way. Once you understand rules of grammar and punctuation, you can decide how you're going to use, or play around with them, in a purposeful way to get across what you want to get across.

Ask for help. Anon, you already know how to do this because you asked me for tips! This is a hard thing, so kudos to you for starting in on it. There are a lot of ways to go about this: ask other writers you like for their writing tips, ask people for their favorite writing resources, ask people what they like about their favorite books, make friends with other writers you can talk to about writing. A note about asking people to help you in a beta reading way: be clear about your limits and the kind of feedback you want to get. For example, I don't worry much about how people will react to fic after I post it, but I am a delicate flower when it comes to feedback on things I'm still working on. I am a person who has wip amnestied fic because I got discouraged by how hard it would be to fix the things early readers pointed out needed fixing, and who once didn't deal with beta comments for a full two years because I didn't know how to make the story work. Now when I ask friends to read through my fic, I generally have specific questions I ask them, either in the initial email or in notes in the doc itself, which helps me get only the kind of feedback I can really deal with for that story.

Anon, I hope one or more of these things is helpful to you. You're very brave to start writing and to ask for help with it. Good luck in finding a way to an enjoyable and fulfilling writing experience. ♥

[thevagueambition]

Tagged by @everyonewasabird - thanks!

1) how many works do you have on AO3?

48

2) what’s your total AO3 word count?

207,828

3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Let me go count 😂 I tend to write oneshots for random things then never write more for that fandom (when it even has what can be called a fandom lol)

Hmm, something like 24?

Les Mis and Harry Potter are definitely what I’ve written for the most. I’ve written a fair bit of Star Wars stuff as well, but most of that is unpublished wips.

4) what are your top five fics by kudos?

Oh god, I don’t like the first two anymore

1. Mr. Harry Potter, a trans guy!Harry ficlet (this was originally just a headcanon post)

2. Practice, a B99 bi trans guy!Jake ficlet

3. Aching for You, MDZS Wangxian porn with plot (that novel blue balled me lmao)

4. Just Like That, Disco Elysium Harry/Kim (I still really like this one, it was one of the first in that tag too)

5. Handsome as ever, Doctor Who fic where Thirteen and her companions meet Jack Harkness (written before his canon reappearance)

5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Usually, yeah. Not if it’s just a heart of a single word comment, though. Not that I don’t appreciate those comments, there’s just not really anything to respond to. If someone does it on every chapter of a longer fic, I might go like “thanks for taking the time to comment!” on one of them to show that I appreciate it.

6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I’m more of a hurt/comfort than outright angst sort of guy... particularly in terms of endings, I really like things to be really angsty but then end on that note of “things are going to be okay”?

That said, it’s probably In Other Circumstances, a fic based on the movie Joyeux Noël, which is already fairly angsty, given the subject matter (that time during WW1 opposing armies celebrated Christmas together). That, or the Dumbledore fic To Be At Peace.

7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. I do have a little bit of a Les Mis/Order of the Phoenix mash-up where Dumbledore’s Army do a student activism after Dumbledore is sacked (Lamarque is dead!) lying around somewhere, but I think that’s about it. God, that was a good idea though. I should get back on that some day.

8) have you ever received hate on a fic?

I think I once got one from a terf on that trans!Harry one but it was pretty vague lol

9) do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yeah, occasionally. I have a lot of kinks in the bdsm area of things, so that’s always pretty apparent in the smut I write. I just think power dynamics are sexy lmao

A lot of the smut I’ve written is original work stuff though, so that’s not up in the same place as my fanfic.

10) have you ever had a fic stolen?

Doubt it

11) have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, Just Like That was translated into Chinese.

I’ve also personally translated a Odin/Loki fic I wrote in Danish into English. Fun fact, it’s way harder to translate than if I’d written it in English in the first place. I like to write fic in Danish where it makes sense to, though.

12) have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. I’ve partcipated in events where I’ve drawn and the other person written, but never co-written. Frankly I’m not even sure how that works.

13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Gah, idk. All-time, huh? I shift between fandoms too much for that.

Obviously I ship Enjolras/Grantaire a lot and have for a long time, but then I’m also super particular about what I want that to look like lol.

I still really love Sirius/Remus even after all these years. Disco Elysium’s Harry/Kim deserves mention here as well, although that’s a lot newer, so it’s difficult to talk about in an “all-time” sense.

Despite not really caring about any aspect of Marvel anymore, I also still really love Matt/Foggy from the Netflix version of Daredevil.

14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

A lot of unposted stuff 😂 Maybe once I finish Elysium I’ll pick one of those up again... If it’s a wip I care about, I won’t start posting it till I have a good sense that I’ll continue being able to update.

15) what are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I think I’m good at inserting myself into the mindset of the protagonist. This is also why I practically never write alternating pov, I’m filtering everything through that protagonist so shifting around would be harder. Dialogue tends to come easily to me as well.

16) what are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, moving characters around in space in particular. On a more meta level, plotting things out to the right degree where I still actually want to write it but I’m also going in a particular direction. Just... plot, in general, really.

17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Generally speaking, if my character speaks the language in question, the dialogue will be rendered in the same language as the rest of the text with a dialogue tag like “he said in German” or w/e. If they do not, the dialogue will be rendered in the actual language being spoken.

Of course this is also hugely guided but what languages I personally speak. I will never use google translate for something like that because I personally find it infuriating when people do that lmao. It’s like saying “Hey, you, who actually speak this language? This isn’t for you. Fuck you. This is just here for flavor. Surely no-one who actually speaks this language will ever come across this.” I’m sure that’s not what most people who do that are thinking, but that’s what it feels like to read. So I won’t do that.

I can’t recall if I’ve done this in anything that’s up anywhere, but if I wanted to include a foreign phrase I would either use Danish, use triple checked German or ask someone I know who speak a given language about the phrase in that language. Or, you know, just use an established quote.

An exception is Latin, particularly for Les Mis fic, where I follow the brick’s habit of rendering Latin untranslated, despite the pov character understanding it (but again, these are always established phrases).

If I wrote something in Danish taking place in the modern day, I would render English untranslated as well, since that is just how young Danes talk and I can assume that 99.99% of potential readers will be able to understand it either way (this, I think we can assume, is also what was going on with Latin at the time Hugo was writing).

18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Probably Harry Potter. That, or Avatar: The Last Airbender. I don’t really remember. The first thin I put on FFnet was certainly Harry Potter, though.

19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Predictably it’s On the Path to Elysium. As I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t really able to write long things before Elysium. Most of my fics are oneshots and while I really like oneshots, I had long been frustrated that I never managed to get any of my longer ideas off the ground. Elysium represents a lot of growth for me as a writer.

Apart from that, like I said, I’m still very fond of Just Like That, if nothing else then because I wrote it in an emulation of how the game itself is written.

I tag @thebearmuse @teddy-stonehill @antirococoreaction (no pressure ofc, just if any of you think it looks fun)

[astoldbygingersnaps]

Harper’s 2020 Fic Wrap-Up

my very good friend and incredibly talented felow writer @sagemoderocklee came up with the idea of doing an end of the year fic wrapup in an attempt to polish the turd known as 2020, and since i actually managed to get some writing done this year i figured, why not jump on the bandwagon? 

a lot of super duper fucking shitty things happened in 2020, but i will always be proud that in this incredibly chaotic, stressful, and challenging year i managed to produce almost 180k of content (and that’s not even counting the writing i started in 2020 but haven’t published yet). so, to celebrate what’s been a pretty big achievement for me, i wanted to go through the various projects i’ve spent the last twelve months working on and give a preview of my plans for 2021.

let’s jump in!

projects i worked on/completed in 2020:

first off, let’s start with the beast to end all beasts, my personal baby, and honestly probably the reason most people follow me -- star trek au:

something bigger than the sky (shiita; 44,163 words; completed): 

i’ve said this before, but the whole idea for star trek au was literally just a joke between me and my-then girlfriend, now-fiancee, and eternal shiita enabler alexa aka @durintrash (by the way, if you follow me for my fics and you DON’T follow alexa for her corresponding art WHAT, exactly, are you doing with your life????) where i sat in a space-themed diner and said ‘haha imagine itachi as a vulcan.’ but then i blinked and suddenly somehow i’d written the prologue and the first chapter of SBTTS in the span of a week. it’s like i was possessed by a fanfic demon.

it sounds super cheesy but i honestly can’t say enough how important this fic has been to me and how much it’s pushed me to be a more productive and more dedicated writer. previously i spent a lot of time Thinking about writing and occasionally i’d put a few words on the page and then i’d go... do... something... else. but star trek au was the first idea i loved enough that it actually pushed me to write and keep writing and not give up even when i was confronted with things like writer’s block and worry over the quality of my writing. so thank you, star trek au, for being the light in a very dark year for me. 

by the end of SBTTS, i felt like i accomplished everything i wanted to do with the story’s beginning installment: i introduced all the characters and set the groundwork for their development; i showed what life on the corvus was like and how starfleet, the federation, and the universe functioned; and, more than anything, i was able to sketch out both the main protagonists -- itachi and shisui -- with all their strengths and flaws, show their relationship to one another, and hint at how that relationship would progress. 

all the stars are closer (shiita; 75,195 words; completed)

considering how slow i used to be at writing, i thought it would be, like, twelve years before i managed to get to the second part in the series. BUT then covid happened and i half-lost, half-quit my job, and like a lot of people this year i ended up with a lot of free time on my hands. and so, like a fucking demon, i finished this part in two and a half months. 

when i originally planned this part out, i really thought it would be a lot shorter and a lot lighter atmosphere-wise than it turned out. instead, this second section of the story ended up being pretty meaty in terms of length and in subject.

that said, overall, i’m really happy with how ATSAC turned out. i loved the way the characters progressed, how the relationships deepened, and how we were able to see this universe grow bigger and more complicated. and i’m very satisifed with how it set the stage for part three, which takes us to...

lovers alone wear sunlight (shiita; 41,518 words; in progress)

there’s... a lot about this part that i just can’t talk about yet, a) because it isn’t finished and b) because it contains some of the biggest plot points in the entire series thus far. if you’ve been keeping up with the stardates thus far (which i encourage you to do!) you know what part three is leading up to: itachi leaving the corvus and the dissolution of shisui and itachi’s growing relationship. 

with that in mind, i’m... more than a little terrified about writing part three, which is why the third chapter has been languishing in my google drive for months now. (and also why i started not one, but TWO new fics to cope with my writer’s block. whoops.) chapter three is where all the parts come together and shit hits the fan, and i can only hope that everyone will be as excited to read it as i am to publish it. 

next up, the two other projects i began this year:

salvation comes only in our dreams (shiita; canon divergence; 16,835 words; in progress)

for a long time, i’ve wanted to write something that’s actually set in the naruto universe and works to correct a lot of the flaws that i see in the series. there are a lot of things that bother me about naruto, but i think one of the things that frustrates me the most is the really messy and in some ways offensive resolution to the uchiha coup plot thread, and i wanted to write a story that dealt with the complicated themes of the series--imperialism, oppression, genocide, child soldiers--but, like, didn’t suck and completely drop the ball. thus, the massacre au was born. 

my main goal was to tell a story that showed a lot of these characters in ways we’ve never seen them before, specifically itachi. i didn’t want to write itachi as just an idealist who suffers and Suffers AND SUFFERS for konoha yet still remains loyal to the village for some unfathomable reason like he is in the series. i wanted to write an itachi that was sharper, more jaded, and more suspicious of the world around him, but overall was still a good person with a kind heart. and for shisui, well... obviously there’s a lot going on there, too. 

this is easily the darkest story i’ve ever written, and as the plot thickens it will certainly get darker with relationship dynamics that are complicated and unhealthy At Best. i hope that as the story goes on it’s a ride people continue to enjoy, as i was super pleasantly surprised at how popular this fic became (compared to my usual stats, at least) 

oceans between us (shiita; alternate universe; 15,039 words; in progress)

it’s good to know that i continue to be the most ridiculously niche version of myself as yes, i wrote a fucking shiita atonement au. 

with each fic i write i try to have a very specific voice that suits the particular piece and distinguishes it from other stories that include the same characters. for example, star trek au chapters tend to be more fun and light-hearted (especially shisui POV chapters) and lean more into the action movie and sci-fi adventure feel of the star trek universe, while the massacre au is written in a way that’s much heavier and guided by itachi’s emotions and experiences. my main goal with this story was to give it the same romantic, operatic, almost hazy quality that the movie has, which reflects the period setting and also the nature of this grand tragic love story. 

i knew from the beginning that there were going to be a lot of things that i cut from the film in my retelling, like the lola subplot and obviously the setting of pre-wwii england. i also knew i wanted to explore some of the aspects of the film that were implied more than outright stated, like the themes of classism and upper-class privileges. and more than anything i wanted to structure this piece around this idea of tension building and building until it finally snaps and there’s just a world of mess and hurt and loss that affects these two characters in two very different ways. 

also, the sex scene. i haven’t written a sex scene for anything in, like, a decade, so that was a lot of pressure. but i’m happy with how it came out and i think it ended up being an aspect of the story that felt like both a natural progression and necessary to show the affection these two people have for one another.

originally i was just going to end the story with shisui going to jail, but when i told alexa this i genuinely thought she was going to kill me. so, that didn’t happen lmao. but the more i tried to imagine what a second chapter would look like, the more i realized she was right, and it would have been a terrible idea to end the fic there. as for whether or not the final chapter will keep That Ending... who can say?

goals i have for 2021:

finishing lovers alone wear sunlight and, if i’m very lucky, beginning the fourth and second to last part of star trek au (yes, as it currently stands this 160k+ word series is only halfway finished. sorry not sorry)

publishing the next chapter of salvation comes only in our dreams (i don’t know when it will drop. i don’t know anything about this fic. please do not @ me) 

completing oceans between us (the second and final chapter is currently sitting at about 4k words and will probably end up at about 15k in total)

completing and publishing a new fic i’ve started at the very end of 2020, which is the shiita jurassic world au nobody but me and alexa knew they wanted. it’s essentially a 90s romcom with dinosaurs and i cannot Wait to share it. (it’s at about 9k right now and will probably end up being around 20k to 23k in total... maybe...)

FINALLY starting my dream project: the shiita olympics au i’ve been planning for years, where itachi is a figure skater and shisui is a hockey player (i’d like to keep this under 150k but at this point trying to keep my stories at a managable word count is a losing battle)

anyway, that’s it! if you managed to get this far in this very self-indulgent and shameless bit of self promotion, congrats! also, a very big thank you to everyone who’s read my fics, left me kudos and comments, and spent their time on my work, because it really does mean the world to me. 

here’s hoping 2021 is a much healthier and happier year for us all!