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maximumkillshot · 10 months

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I Won't Lose You- ICLY 7.5

Warnings: Cheater POV, a lot of not nice things are said. Definitely something to think about if you are sensitive to that type of subject matter, cursing, some air of grand diosity,

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Characters: Chris, Seungmin

A/N: So a lot of people have been wondering what Chan has been thinking... Welp... You get what you wish for... even though it ain't pretty. I wanted to punch him writing it. This is after Chris gets banned from the hospital room. Since it is following him and not the reader, I decided to give it a different name, with the annotation being 7.5. Happy anger management people!

ALL THE SKZ IRL ARE CINNAMON ROLLS THIS IS A FICTION- IT'S FAKE.

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Stray Kids Masterlist-CLICK HERE

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BEFORE:

Han looked up at Bin, trying to will himself not to cry. The both of you are so sweet, so kind. He could see the weight on Bin’s shoulders, crushing him. He could see it in his head, Bin keeping everything bad from crashing on top of you, his arms outstretched, using his whole body as a shield. Han knew that if it meant keeping you safe, Bin would carry the world. That’s what separated Bin from Chris.

Both may be fond of you. Only one has ever put your safety over everything. Only one ever made you feel heard and seen. Only one ever made you laugh until you cried. Only one would take off work to take care of you when you’re sick. Only one made you understand that there is no priority above you. Only one would calm you with just a touch. Only one truly loves you with their heart and soul. That “only one” was in the bed with you right now.

Han watched, eventually just letting the tears fall as Bin held you saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you, I’m sorry. I love you… I’m so sorry. Don’t leave me.”

That was the first time Changbin had ever let himself say it out loud, “I love you so much it hurts…I Can’t Lose You.”

NOW:

Chan’s POV:

I have never seen Y/N like that. A part of me wants to say that it was something that was a freak accident, that Soo and I were a freak accident. We weren’t. Y/N deserves to know that, to have it acknowledged. I want to scream that I regret it, that I want to take it all back, that I wanted to erase it all. That would be a lie.

You can’t regret something that you actually initiated. I don’t regret what I did. I wanted a release, I got a release. I wanted to feel exhilaration, I got it. What I am sorry for is getting caught. Of course I’d never say this out loud but, the truth is my marriage was a means to an end. She loves me, of course… and I love her… to an extent. I loved it when she would perk up when I came home, or be passed out on the couch, waiting for me to come home. In a lot of ways, Y/N is like a puppy. She would do all the tricks in the book to make me happy. If she was lucky, she’d get rewarded.

There is an even more fucked up part of me that is relieved that she knows. Sneaking around wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was making it look like I was with the boys when I wasn’t. Y/N is so close to the boys it was a pain in the ass, all it would’ve taken was one text and right there my cover would be blown. I know that I can come back from this, though. Soo never held a candle to my wife. I just told Soo whatever she wanted to hear. I made it worth it for her to do what she wanted… what we wanted, who am I kidding, I wanted it.

Everything is still so raw, she’s not really going to leave. I know she told me when we started dating, but I know that I can prove myself to her. She is the type to really believe that everyone is good inherently. It was something that I used to every advantage, if I’m honest. I’m obviously better than Changbin. I make more, I am more level headed… obviously… I am willing to do whatever I need to make sure I get what I want. How could she want anyone else? That’s like trading in a top of the line Ferrari for a beat up 1999 Taurus. Plus, she always gives people second chances. This is all one giant hiccup.

While the rest of the boys and I filed into the elevator, I heard her voice. She was so scared, I couldn’t hear exactly what she was saying, it was so meek, fragile… weak. That’s really the only downside to her. She is weak. Her emotions get the better of her always. Given, what happened would make anyone go crazy, but at the end of the day, she can’t keep control over her emotions. She is the type of person to read a room and follow the tone of the room. She isn’t a trendsetter, a leader. The only reason why the boys are the way that they are is because she is hurt. Something about their “white knight” complexes. Honestly I could puke just thinking about it. While they were playing games, painting, or just practicing on vocal technique, I was ensuring their continued employment. That will never change about her though. She folds under pressure. Like a skeleton with no spine. Sometimes it was exhausting, others amusing; that’s the biggest tell as to her coming back. She has no spine without me. She needs me… just like everyone else.

Knowing the woman Y/N is I knew that for her to be this way, she had to hurt so badly. It ripped my heart out, seeing her finding comfort in another person, almost as much as knowing that I was the one to do all of it to her. It made me look so bad, to everyone. Hearing Changbin call out to Han that she was slipping, I’ve never heard a voice like that before. I’ve never heard screams like hers. I should’ve never tested her, calling our child “it”. She has been trying so hard, comforting me non-stop, that it’ll happen when it’s meant to happen, that she’ll be on top of it. To let me know in the cutest way. Nothing’s more cute than finding out on your third anniversary that your family is going to get bigger.

It hurt me saying that, calling them “it”, that was exactly why I knew it would get the job done. I needed to peel her away from Changbin without touching her, but it worked a little too well. Why was I punsihing her, punishing them? I think the answer to that is simple. I don’t want the attention on me. Which is counterintuitive, given my natural tendencies. Right now, in this moment, I don’t want to be acknowledged. The way that they see me right now threatens everything I worked for, and it looks like everyone chose their side to stand on. Me giving them more of a chance to hate me is only going to make my job down the road harder.

I think some of the boys could tell. I am royally pissed. I got caught, which for one is annoying, but for all of them to take her side? That was infuriating. I spent so long honing them, training them. I always protected them, supported them. It is infuriating to have people that you did everything for to just dismiss you. Why were’nt they comforting me? That child was mine too. Why am I not getting any condolences? Hell, when we had no money to eat, I wouldn’t eat just so the 8 could have something… anything. The days I went to bed starving, the nights I worked around the clock to give them the opportunities that they now take advantage of.

This is how they repay me? Screaming at me left and right, Changbin threatening to kill me, even Felix turned his back. I just fucked a side piece… I mean I know what that caused is on me. That I was responsible for what happened to our child. If I could feel like I was attached I am sure I would’ve been a wreck. Something that was mine being taken away does that to a person like me. One thing is for sure, I truly never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to look bad, hurting her would do that, and so I made sure to tread lightly, my go to’s being, “I know Baby, I’m sorry,” and “What time is it? Shit Baby I’m so sorry.”

That didn’t stop me to wanting to have my own little thing. My own little secret. It was a different type of high that I didn’t know I craved… needed. It’s no doubt that Soo did feel better in bed. I could tell she knew what she was doing. Y/N had no experience before me and that did a wonder for my corruption kink, but after that… It was like pulling teeth. I had to teach her everything, so every time we we’d sleep together I had to act like I liked the fact that she’s so innocent. Which I do, but I also don’t want to have to have a health class every time I wanted to have sex. Soo wasn’t like that. She knew what she was doing. Hmmm… maybe I’ll clean up the house and finish what we started.

In the elevator, no one wanted to say anything. I didn’t want to say anything either, I didn’t want to make anything worse than it is. It’s a unique empty feeling. Y/N would look at me like I hung the moon itself. The feelings that she gave me, I was seen, heard, and loved. Constantly reassured. I can’t live without that validation. The minute I walked out of the elevator I didn’t even look back, all I said was “Take care of her. Do what I didn’t, she needs you. Call me if you need anything.” That made me feel a little better, giving them an order, felt like the last say in a way.

It was Seungmin’s voice that cut through, I heard him stop the elevator with is arm, “That was never a question, we’ve always taken care of her, don’t wait up. We all know you’re not used to being the one waiting for someone. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.” My lip upticked at his comment. Mostly because I didn’t imagine Seungmin to have balls like that and another was that I didn’t have a rebuttal. I always have a rebuttal. He’s right though, I always kept her waiting, not the other way around. It always made me feel important, that she needed me to go to bed well, that she craved to feel me.Yet now I find myself willing to wait an eternity if it meant being able to hold her one more time, to have her cook for me, then to cuddle up and pass out together, all of that shit I see as a waste of time. To think I hate needing someone yet here I am, needing her.

I kept walking after I heard the elevator close. By the time I made it to the car I was trying my hardest not to collapse. My wife was in that hospital, fighting for her life, after I caused her to miscarry, a baby we have been wanting since our first anniversary. I am enraged. I’ve never felt so out of control and it’s driving me crazy. I am always in control. That is the only way that I function. It is something that I pride myself on. Now everything is out of place everyone stepped out of line. All I have to do is get them back in their rightful place… Then we can move on.

I’ve never imagined anyone else as the mother of my children, she is giving enough to focus on them while I work on my career. It’s always been Y/N. That thought was the one that made me slam my door a little too hard. She’s going to come back, she’ll be back. She will have my child, we will be happy… When everyone is in their place.

I tried to distract myself as I went home. It felt like an out of body experience, seeing myself in the rearview mirror, hating the person I saw, just for the sole fact of getting caught. It was such a rookie move. I should’ve known that there was something going on when everyone said they were out for the night. No matter how loud I made the radio, I heard noting but her screams. I wanted to blame someone, get the pain as far away from me as possible, trying to make me out to be the good one. I’m not. The only things I’m good at are music and acting. I could still see the little glances she’d give me, convincing herself that I am just busy. She is so trusting, it honestly baffles me. Just another sign that she’s weak.

I wanted to make it her fault. She shouldn’t be so naive. Seeing Soo disappearing at the same time I am? The way that I couldn’t really look her in the eye for most of last month? She should’ve told me sooner. Maybe if she did that our child would still be here. That’s not even including how I’ve had to keep Soo on a shorter leash than anyone, her face gives so much away. The first time she hung out with us I had to take her to another room and tell her to get it together because she almost started crying in front of Y/N. I know that people will say that’s not fair, What part about anything that I’ve done screamed ‘oh this is reasonable’? None. It’s been so long I’ve been doing this that I don’t even remember how all of this started. Ah I remember now.

I guess a year ago it started off with me venting to Soo. I didn’t know why we weren’t conceiving. We timed out the cycles, we did everything correctly, but still it wasn’t happening. If I told the boys I know I would look weaker for it and I didn’t want Y/N to be even more stressed about getting pregnant. Soo validated my feelings and told me that she was always there for me. That was the first mistake. I should’ve gone to Y/N. After a while it went from talking when I was aggravated to talking daily.

I looked forward to those calls so badly. It felt like a little interaction that was all mine. Making her laugh made me feel like when I used to get Y/N to laugh. The butterflies came soon after that, seeing that I got a form of attention I didn’t realize I was missing. About two months ago she told me that she was seeing me as “not just my friends husband”. That made my heart leap in my chest. I should’ve avoided her like the plague after that, I should’ve gone to my wife, but not only would that make her mad, it’d also make sneaking around harder. I did something worse.

“Good to know it’s not one sided.” I felt the words drip out of my mouth, even recounting it makes me a little excited. I turn onto my street and I heard Soo’s voice in my head, “Chris...” I knew it was wrong, I fucking knew it was, “I know. I know it’s wrong.” Then hearing her say, “What if she finds out?” with a giggle. “We’ll be discreet.”

We met up that night. I wanted to scrub myself head to toe, till my skin bled, making sure her scent was gone completely. It was so thrilling, so different, and I hated that I liked it. I liked it so much I knew I had to do it again, and soon too. Every time I came home Y/N was either passed out on the couch or in our bed. Notes left on the counter full of how much she loves me. I still remember the first one from that same night, “I know how forgetful you get in the studio, made extra of your favorite, it’s in the fridge, missed you-XOXO Y/N/N.” I looked at her form on the couch, clearly trying to stay up to see me. I ran to the bathroom to vomit, it made me anxious. I knew that I was playing with a downgraded version of my wife. If anything went wrong, I’d be left with the dollar store version of Y/N. For some reason that anxiety turned to exhiliration. The longer it went on for, the more comfortable I got of having my cake and eating it too.

She never did anything wrong. I asked for space, she gave me space. I asked for anything and she would do it in a heartbeat. She always wanted me happy and stress free. After a while I made it okay in my head by saying that she wants me to be happy and having both make me happy so it’s okay. I know better, I always knew better.

I always got up too early, that way I didn’t afford myself time to see the person that I love in one of my favorite ways to see her, happy and sleeping. The last few days I gave myself that. Feeling the guilt eat me alive, rightfully so. I felt guilty for putting all of this on the line, putting her on the line, not for her, but what losing her means to me. I’d practice my apology while she slept, “I’m so sorry, I love you.”

If it wasn’t for the boys being there, I could’ve had a better handle on her. I could’ve reiterated that practiced apology over and over. I could’ve kept the control I spent years making, which is really the most fucked up thing about all of this. I was in training for almost 10 fucking years, I finally get the perfect group of people who followed perfectly without question. Then Changbin goes ahead and goes soft for Y/N. She’s gorgeous, I know, she’s funny, and kind, but she was also making Bin step out of line a bit. Every time she was around, he would try to take point, try to be the center of attention. At first I thought that it was Bin trying to be cute. When he asked me how he could ask her out a few months after this started, I felt my stomach drop. She threatened everything I worked for. So I spewed some bullshit to make him question himself a bit more while I figured out what to do.

Some wouldn’t see this as a problem. I am not some. I only let my members have center because I permitted it. If I threw myself in the spotlight always, it would look off. So I made myself into the best, most supportive leader, the leader of the 4th generation, how can you get bigger than that? The perfect wife… Y/N. It was perfect, if I had her, not only would I have more control over Bin, but I’d also have the perfect little family one day. That was when I decided to ask her out after getting her separated enough from Bin. Which wasn’t too hard. There were some unseen snags but overall it was easy. Keeping her is going to be just as easy. When she’s healed. Then everyone will fall back in line.

I pull in to my driveway and go to the door. Once I opened up the door, Bins clothes covered in blood were there, taunting me. I walked further into the house, I looked on the mantle, the picture from our wedding hung there. I remember that day, that gorgeous day. I threw it away. That woman with the most infectious smiles, the woman who’d hold me so close during horror movies. I found myself grabbing that picture, I dragged my finger over her face. I heard her voice, “I love you”, and I collapsed on the floor, right next to the clothes, sobbing, clutching the photo. She was so perfect.

I got so mad at that point. I shouldn’t be crying, SHE ISN’T LEAVING ME. I can fix her just like I fixed everything else around me. My perfect wife, My perfect group, MINE.

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skzoologist · 10 months

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ʜᴇʟʟᴏ(●’◡’●)ﾉ I have a request kinda, Okay hear me out I just my signed album the other day and I got chans signature 🤯 ( I'm still in disbelief... Like is this real life 🥲) anyway its got me thinking how the boys would act. With how much they like bae how would they act to receive his autograph. I feel like since their all in the same group no one would really think about it until their signing autographs for the albums, and person A says that some Stays are gonna be lucky to receive bae's autograph and then person B is like actually I have it and starts to brag about it. Then the chaos would ensues 😈 and or something completely different 😅 but after they have it how would they act??

word count: ~1.3

warnings: none

genre: crack

a/n: Hey-ho dear, good to see you again! I was worried something happened with how you disappeared. But oh my god, congratulations on your album! I'm astounded, just, wow. 🤯 Can't imagine ever holding one in my hands, you're so lucky! I would probably freak out like a certain weasel in this request, haha. Either way, I hope you'll enjoy reading it! 😊

Please let me know if I left a warning or anything out, I will add it in! Reblogs, likes and feedback are greatly appreciated!

!I don't condone anyone stealing my work and posting it anywhere without my permission, or feeding it to AI!

!This is just fiction, my interpretation of Stray Kids. By no means is this how they are and how they behave in real life!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

With every release of a new album came the time for the idols to sign some of them, letting a few lucky fans get their hands on one. It had always been a fun activity for the band, having some leisure time that they could calmly spend in each others’ presence and simply chat or joke around. They would usually film it as well, or at least a part of it, eager to provide even more content to their beloved fans, showing them every single side of themselves, not just the one they showed up on the brightly lit stages.

Bae liked whenever it came to signing the albums, because with how focused most of the members became, the air around them quieted, letting the male soak in their silent presence. Don’t get him wrong, he loved them in all their loud glory, but sometimes his ears and mind needed a bit of an escape, if he wanted to retain the remains of his sanity at the very least.

The cover of one of their NOEASY albums greeted him, the black paper smooth under his slender fingers. With practised ease and carefulness, he lifted the first few pages, finding the perfect place for his signature. The black marker in his right hand rose, its mission now crystal clear. The lines formed on the hot pressed paper, touching each other at the correct places and curving into that familiar symbol he always placed into his signatures. He started implementing the little crystal star into it years ago, the fans absolutely loving it along with the other members.

Speaking of which, they had all been relatively silent as they sat in their seats, as expected. Only light chatter left their lips, a few of the answers even taking up to a minute or two to arrive. Bae merely hummed when he was dragged into the conversations, not wishing to disturb this rare moment. He even sneaked in a few glances at the others while taking a quick break, warmth dancing in his eyes as he watched them, adoration filling his entire being.

Felix once caught his gaze, breaking out in a wide smile in response and lighting up the whole room with his bright presence alone. Bae swore the room actually became brighter and it wasn’t just his eyes playing tricks on him. The quiet idol watched his little sunshine finish signing the album he’d started on and close it, the marker now left alone on the table as the male walked towards him. Not knowing what the boy’s plan was, Bae silently observed, only a small head tilt indicating his slight confusion.

It didn’t surprise him when Felix stopped behind him, tiny fingers carding through long, black strands that were dusted with a tinge of strawberry blonde at their ends. The digits were careful in their fluid movements, twisting the locks in different directions, never tangling them up or ripping even one out accidentally. The notion was so soothing that Bae couldn’t help but let out a silent sigh, eyes closed in temporary bliss.

“Aw man, the fans who get your signed albums are gonna be so lucky.” - Jisung whined out, successfully breaking Bae out of his cosy headspace and stealing his attention. “Don’t even say it, I’m jealous just by the thought itself.” - Hyunjin replied, huffing in annoyance as he glimpsed at their pouting quokka. “Yah, don’t say that, STAY will think you don’t like them!” - Chan laughed out, amused eyes now watching the scene unfold after a quick glance at the still recording camera. “We DO, but still, it’s unfair they can have Bae’s signed albums and not us!” - even Changbin hopped into this circus, making everyone roll their eyes at the ridiculousness of it all.

Felix’s giggles broke everyone’s bickering and sulking voices, garnering everyone’s attention as he just calmly continued now braiding Bae’s long hair, the strands weaving into each other and creating beautiful waves of midnight and sunset.

“You can just ask him to sign yours later, chill.” - he said, the atmosphere turning silent, as if a pane of ice had been dropped onto the ground, shattering, leaving everyone speechless in its place.

It took them a solid minute to boot back up, their system having done a quick reset. Seungmin and Jeongin just snorted meanwhile, amused by the stupidity of their hyungs. Minho wasn’t far behind, opting to silently watch it with a knowing grin.

“What do you mean?” - Jisung asked, disbelief heavily dripping from each syllable. “I mean exactly what I said? What, none of you asked Bae hyung for his signature before…?” - Felix replied, confusion clearly displayed as he tilted his head, hands stilling in the otter’s hair. “You mean, we could have asked him for it? Just like that?” - it was Changbin this time, hands firmly planted on the table, already halfway to fully standing up from his poor, knocked back chair. “...Yes? What? Don’t tell me you guys haven’t been asking him to sign all his photocards and albums?” “Felix, I am so honest when I say I love you, but I’m stealing all of them.” “What, Bin hyung NO-” “I agree. I’ll help steal them and we split them evenly.” “Sungie, you too?!?”

Bae watched the two chase Felix around, all the while Hyunjin was left freaking out in his chair, acting as if his entire soul had just left his body. Chan was shaking his head tiredly, but you could see he enjoyed it as well from the light smile dancing on his lips and the slight crease in his eyes. Minho grabbed a snack and happily munched on it, loving the show maybe a bit too much. Bae swore the man thrived on chaos, something that was both impressive and fear-inducing. The two youngest reveled in the situation the most maybe, openly laughing as Felix had been caught and held down, the quokka and dwaekki not granting him any mercy.

Not wanting to suddenly become a group of 8, the tallest member stood up with a silent sigh and a fond smile, ruffling a still dramatically unmoving weasel’s hair on his way as he walked towards the roughhousing trio.

“I’ll sign your guys’ stuff too, just let Lix go.”

The speed at which Jisung and Changbin turned towards his direction was worrying, a miracle none of them got whiplash in the first place. There was a dangerous glint in their eyes, telling of a hunger and determination that had Bae take a step back, right into someone’s chest.

“You’ll sign all my stuff first, right?” - Hyunjin’s voice brushed against his ear, toned arms circling around his waist and cutting off his only escape route.

“Hey, no fair, I want him to sign my stuff first!” “NO, MINE, I’M OLDER SO I SHOULD COME FIRST!” “DUDE, who cares, I love him more, so I come first!”

The bickering and shouting merely strengthened with each passing second, the trio at the centre of it all. Somehow amongst it all Felix and Chan joined in as well, the remaining three just watching in amusement and making sure the camera recorded every single moment from the best angle.

Amidst all that was Bae, caged in Hyunjin’s arms, forced to hear everything and be passed around like a child’s toy, everyone arguing about who loved him more. His arms hurt as they were grabbed and dragged into opposite directions, his skin flushed in embarrassment, the hue only darkening with each shouted declaration of love.

Maybe signing albums wasn’t as peaceful as he had thought before.

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