#kevin day is that meme of the car and the salesperson: “You can fit so much guilt into this bad boy”

[afurtivecake]

Day xxx of turning Kevin Day over and over in my head like one of those light up wands that makes a noise when you flip them over:

The question that has been niggling at me is how much of Riko's violence was Kevin complicit in? I don't mean like, "How much is Kevin to blame?" I mean, how much did he have to be complicit in and how easy was that to bear? Jean was there to hold Neil down for torture and pick him back up after and he says he was "destroyed by how easy it was to fall into Kevin's bystander role" (See below).

So do you think it destroyed Kevin too? How relieved and guilty do you think Kevin feels having played his "safe" little bystander role for years while Jean gets cut to bits and drowned? How guilty does he feel when he gets to play the role of gentle friend afterwards while he patches Jean up? Has he ever noticed Jean looks at him like he's the only bright thing in Evermore and has he ever felt guilty about receiving that sort of regard? How often would Bee or Wymack or Abby have to remind him it wasn't fault and how often do you think he believes them?

Kevin isn't exactly a naturally good, empathetic person and he probably knows this about himself. --He's got about the same emotional range and capability as Neil (which is to say, very basic at best - maybe just slightly better than that of a turnip). The closest he can get to asking if someone is ok is to check if they can still hold a racquet and play. His reaction to most horrific events is muted, if not non-existent. He also ghosts his girlfriend for a year while apparently still expecting her to remain his girlfriend after he figures shit out. He is demanding and arrogant when it comes to exy and he absolutely does use Jean's affection for him to get him to distract Riko while he escapes. --So how guilty do you think he feels for having stood by while Riko enacted violence, knowing himself not to be a good person?

I think it's heartbreaking to think about Kevin Day, the scared victim, but even more devastating to consider Kevin Day, the victim who looks down at his hands and sees as much blood on them for looking away as he would have had if he had wielded the knife.