#kelli watches psycho pass

[kelzen]

I JUST FINISHED PROVIDENCE....... HOLY FUCK

[constant-mason24]

Security

David Mason x Reader (COD: Black Ops 2)

Fem reader, she/her pronouns.

(Y/n) is a nurse caring for Frank Woods. The sudden arrival of an old enemy throws her life upside down.

PART 2

“Nurse Batshit! Where’s my fuckin-”

(Y/n) rolled her eyes, moving down the hallway towards the voice. The man yelling was Frank Woods, an ex-marine who has been causing hell here for over a decade. He had a reputation amongst the staff and residents for being difficult and unfriendly to most people. He did have his favorites, and thankfully (Y/n) was one of them.

“Frank, would you stop calling Kelly that? We’ve talked about this.” (Y/n) holds the door to his room open with her hip, crossing her arms over her chest as she looks at him like a stern mother scolding her son. 

“I’ll stop calling her that when she stops acting like a damn psycho.” The man grumbles, rolling his wheelchair over to the window. “I wanted my damn drink.”

“I’ve got it here.” The woman sighs, handing a glass over to him. “You know, Kelly would be a lot nicer to you if you were nicer to her.”

“What’ll it take to get you to be nicer to me?” 

“I’m the most pleasant motherfucker here.” (Y/n) smiles as Frank snorts at that. She takes an orange medicine bottle out of her bag, carefully checking over the label to ensure it’s the correct one. Satisfied, she set it down on the low-standing dresser, next to another near-empty bottle. “Refills came in.”

“Thanks, kiddo.” The man nods. “You gonna stick around here today?”

“As much I love spending time with my favorite asshole, I have other residents to see today.”

“You know, one of these days you won’t run off before my nephew gets here.” He turns his chair to face her fully. “I’ll introduce you two all charming-like, and then you can tell the story at your wedding.”

“I look forward to that day.” (Y/n) plays along sarcastically. “But for now, I have a job to do.”

“Yeah, get the fuck out of here, miss independent.” Woods waved her off, turning back to the window. “Go clean up the piss and shit of a million other old farts.”

“You’re so gross,” (Y/n) whines, leaving his room. “Keep it up and I’m not dropping in to say goodbye when I leave tonight.”

“You’d miss me.” The old man laughs as she waves and closes the door behind her. She chuckles to herself as she moves down the long hallway to her next stop. The Vault is never a bustling place, usually quite empty and lonesome. Occasionally a nurse will pass by, sometimes with a resident alongside them. Even rarer are visitors coming to see loved ones who resided here. As (Y/n) turned a corner away from Woods’ room, she wasn’t expecting to see anyone there, much less run face-first into them. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She backs up, catching her balance, and holding out a hand to support the man she just bumped into. 

“No, don’t be sorry. I should’ve watched where I was going.” The man also reached out to steady her. He smiled kindly, though something about him left a chill trailing down her spine. He spoke in a thick accent, and his right eye was milky white and scarred.

Suddenly lost for words, she smiled awkwardly and nodded at him, sidestepping out of the way. The man returned the nod, continuing down the hallway where (Y/n) had just come from. The woman brushed off her blue scrubs, picking up the pace to drop off the next bottle of meds she was tasked with delivering this morning. 

She knocked on the next resident's door, smiling her hellos and leaving the bottle of medicine in its place. After a bit of small talk, she moved to leave the room, and her hand grazed what felt like another bottle in her bag. She pulled it out as she stepped back into the hall, glancing at the label and reading the name. 

Frank Woods.

Oh, did he have two bottles of medication? Shit. Shaking her head at her obliviousness, (Y/n) started trekking back to Woods’ room. At least she hadn’t gone too far when she realized her mistake. And it was an excuse to say hello to Frank again. (Y/n) smiled softly. She was rather fond of that old man. 

As she turned the corner of the hallway, the same one where she had just bumped into that man, she ran face-first into yet another person. This time the body she collided with was harder. She bounced off of this person, landing on her ass with a grunt. It was the eerie sound of a gun clicking in front of her that brought her to focus.

“Hands where I can see them!” The man yelled, covered head to toe in tac gear. He was holding a very intimidating-looking rifle, pointed straight at her.

(Y/n) threw her hands up with a yelp, wincing as another man behind the first came and roughly grabbed her arm. He lifted her to her feet, and she cried out. 

“What the hell is going on?!” She asked, and before the men could answer, a familiar voice called out down the hall. 

“You better not be fuckin with the only competent nurse we have in this hellhole.” Franks Woods wheeled himself out of his room, looking down the hall at the men with a glare of fury. “Let the girl go, she ain’t a threat to you dipshits.”

“At ease.” Another voice spoke up, moving to stand behind Frank. The two soldiers let go immediately, and (Y/n) moved to rub at the bruise already growing on her arm. 

“Why don’t you come here?” Frank beckoned, moving back into his room. A third voice spoke up from inside.

“This isn’t a matter for civilians to be involved in-”

“Will you just quiet down, already? Jesus fucking christ.” Frank groaned. The man standing in the doorway nodded to (Y/n) as she got closer.

“Sorry about that,” he mumbled, letting her enter the room. She stood there, looking at the suddenly crowded space they were occupying. The third man, who was also dressed head to toe in tac gear, was scowling behind Frank, who looked absolutely unbothered. The other man behind her was dressed casually. He stepped in front of the door, blocking (Y/n)’s way of leaving if she wanted to escape.

“I uh,” She reached into her bag, grabbing Frank’s second bottle of medicine with shaking hands. She was trembling so hard that the bottle audibly rattled as she removed it from the bag. “I forgot these earlier, Frank. Came by to drop them off.”

“Thanks, sweetheart.” Frank nodded, taking the bottle from her. “Don’t let these fuckers scare you, they look meaner than they are.”

“Listen, old man-” The guy in the gear started before Frank interrupted him.

“I told you someday I would make you meet my nephew?” Frank wheeled himself closer to her, gesturing to the man standing behind her. “This is David. I was hoping to introduce you two a little nicer, but..”

(Y/n) awkwardly turned back to look at David. She raised a still-shaking hand and whispered out the most pathetic-sounding ‘hi,” she’d ever heard.

David nodded. “Sorry again for startling you, miss.” 

“It’s alright. May I ask what happened? Is everything ok?” Her eyes moved to Frank as she said this. 

“Yeah, they’re looking for some asshole who just stopped by. Could’ve done it without disturbing the goddamn peace around here.”

(Y/n) wanted to joke about how there was no peace with Frank around, but she wasn’t feeling up to the joke with the given company. 

“Someone was here?” Her thoughts floated back to the man she had run into the first time. “The uh, guy with the eye?”

“You saw Menendez?” David asked, moving to stand in front of (Y/n). She flinched back just slightly. 

“Is that who he was?”

“What did he say to you?” The man in the gear spoke up, and she shook her head.

“Nothing, really. We bumped into each other earlier, I mean I ran right into him. All we did was apologize for that.” The two men shared a glance, but Frank looked pissed. 

“Is that all that happened, (Y/n)?” he rolled his chair right up to her, looking at her with a grave seriousness she hadn't seen before. “That fucker is a dangerous man. He didn’t do or say anything to you-”

“No! I bumped into him, we both apologized, and that was that. I went back to doing my job.”

Frank visibly relaxed, but the other two men seemed more on edge. David stepped closer, lifting a hand towards her.

“I need to search you real quick, miss.” 

“Search me?” 

“Menendez may have planted something on you when you bumped into him. Just a precaution.” The other man spoke.

“I’ll try to be respectful.” David tried to look comforting, but instead, he just looked uncomfortable. Breathing deeply and bracing herself, (Y/n) dropped her bag with a nod.

It felt incredibly weird, having a strange man put his hands all over her. She felt tense under his moving touch, but she tried to remind herself it was for an actual reason and not just some dude feeling her up. Frank let out a low whistle.

“I knew I liked the idea of you two together, but Jesus Christ, you only just met!”

“Frank.” (Y/n) hissed, sending him a glare.

“Alright, sorry!” He laughed, clearly not apologetic in the slightest.

Sure enough, David reached his hand into her pocket and pulled a small black… thing out of it. Her discomfort was quickly replaced with shock.

“How did he put that there? I didn’t even feel it.” She mumbled.

“He’s a tricky bastard.” David squeezed it, popping the thing like it was a bug. (Y/n) supposed it was. “Unfortunately, that means Menendez has his eyes on you, now.”

“Why me?”

“He knows who you are, kid.” Frank looked down at the ground with a huff. “He knows I like you, and he wants to use that to get to me.”

“Wait, what do you mean-” (Y/n) can’t finish her sentence before David looks to the third man in the room. 

“Harper, tell Briggs we’re bringing a plus one back.” The third man, Harper, nods, and David looks back at her. “I’m sorry, I know this isn't how you planned your day to go. Come on, we’ll get you settled for the ride.”

“But what about-”

“Don’t worry about any of that, kid.” Frank waved his hands. “You go with David, and do as he says. He’ll take care of ya.”

Before she can argue any further, Harper leads her out of the room and into the hallway. David and Frank start up one last conversation behind them, one that's drowned out by the rustling of many soldiers filing through the hall. (Y/n) wonders where her quiet little job went to.

“We’ll get you settled in somewhere safe, Miss (L/n),” Harper speaks, guiding her onto a small aircraft parked outside the vault. “Someplace as comfy as we can manage, alright?”

“You, uhm,” (Y/n) tries to let her mind catch up to what's happening around her. More soldiers are moving back and forth. “You know who I am.”

“Yeah. Frank Woods has mentioned you to Section in the past.”

“Section?”

“David Mason.” he clarifies.

“Oh.” She says lamely.

“And I’m Mike Harper.” He holds out a hand to shake hers, which she accepts. “I hear you’ve made quite the impression on the old man.”

“Frank?” She practically has to yell to be heard over the aircraft's engines. “I seem to be the only person he can tolerate. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fond of him.”

“That’s sweet.” Harper smiles. “I’m sure Section would be glad to hear it.”

Then David Mason exits the vault, making his way up and onto the aircraft as well. He settled in next to her, glancing to make sure she’d properly fastened in with a nod. The ramp closes up, and it becomes much quieter aboard the craft. (Y/n) grips onto the edge of her seat as she feels it lifting into the air. 

“You ever flown on anything like this before?” David asks. She shakes her head. “It’s a smooth ride. You’ll be just fine.”

For some reason, (Y/n) felt anything but fine.

[bill-millions-movies]

REAR WINDOW

"Nothing has caused the human race so much trouble as intelligence."

MURDER MYSTERIES ARC movie 1

REAR WINDOW (1954)

FEBRUARY 4, 2024

We'll pick up Movie Club again with the most celebrated film in the vote-winning theme of Murder Mysteries. The last movie we watched before I put Movie Club on hiatus in 2018 was Hitchcock's Notorious, so I like starting up again with Hitchcock now, bookending neatly my five years lost in the jungle, or, whatever was happening. The #38 film in the 2022 Sight and Sound poll of greatest movies of all time, and the third Hitchcock film on that list (after Vertigo at #2 and Psycho at #32), Rear Window features an all-star cast led by James Stewart and Grace Kelly. Stewart plays a recuperating newspaper photographer, trapped at home and passing time in questionable fashion (spying on his neighbors with his zoom lens), who believes he witnesses a murder, and decides to solve it himself.

Roger Ebert spoke about Hitchcock's casting of Stewart in so many of his post-war films: before World War II, Stewart nearly always played the likable everyman in lighter films, and Hitchcock loved subverting that cultivated image and putting him in darker, more complex roles (he suggests imagining a modern-day parallel, Tom Hanks, playing characters with much more moral fallibility, to understand the impact on contemporary audiences).

Rear Window is a masterpiece of suspense from the master of suspense, and earns its sense of danger brilliantly, without resorting to cheap thrills or shock value.

"Hitchcock's greatest film is a perfect thriller that interrogates our obsession with observing the lives of others... [Jimmy] Stewart and Grace Kelly deliver endlessly charismatic performances, the cinematography is beautiful and precise, and the immense sets are staggeringly detailed." -Entertainment Weekly [#1 on their list "Every Hitchcock Movie, ranked"]

7:25 trailers 7:30 short film 7:40 - 9:32 Rear Window

[Want to watch at home instead of joining us? Stream on the Criterion Channel or rent online at Amazon or iTunes for $3.99. ]

[yesdarlingido]

Okay, almost done with Love Is Blind on Netflix and phewwwww. The couples therapist in me is dying. 

If I had to sum up the origin of nearly all conflict, it is largely tied into 1) personal insecurities and unresolved past experiences of shame that get triggered, 2) misunderstanding, and/or 3) unmet expectations (often, but not always, due to lack of effective communication). I would be wiling to bet that every issue that pops up for these couple’s falls into one or more of those categories. 

Ginannina and Damian are so mean to each other. She confuses intensity for passion, so when the “butterflies” go away, she starts arguments for the sake of feeling intensity and hoping it will convert into passion. They both fall into destructive patterns--criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. 

Amber and Barnett are chaotic, but I don’t think they’re doomed. One huge barrier to them having a mutual relationship of respect is their imbalance of responsibility. Amber projects a tough and confident exterior, but you can see right passed it. She’s insecure about her background, and you find out how irresponsible she is... $20k in debt, not paying it off (in collections), not going to work, says she wants to be a stay-at-home mom ***but isn’t even married yet*** wtf. Barnett is currently blind to the red flags bc all he wants is someone to have fun with and who will love him for him. She does that for him but those two things are not strong enough pillars to handle the weight (and the natural consequences) of her irresponsibility. 

Lauren and Cameron forever. I stan. He is a little clingy, but he seems so sincere and deeply in love with her. The rap was cringe, but he has no ego--I love that he was willing to do it. The meeting with her dad was intense, but Cam held his own and I don’t blame her father for being concerned. It’s a weird show and he has no idea whether this guy has any clue about the black experience. I really hope they make it. Lauren seems to have more reservations than Cameron so I hope she opens up more so he can give her the clarity and assurance she likely needs to feel confident in their relationship. 

Jessica is a fucking psycho. Mark needs to run for his life. Side note: did y’all see her share her wine with her dog............... umm. Honestly, I am embarrassed for her. She is making an absolute fool of herself. She is a perfect example of someone who falls into thinking that “the grass is always greener on the other side” and the only reason she wants Barnett is to resolve her own complex of feeling unwanted, meanwhile totally missing the value of Mark wanting her--to a fault, might I add. There’s nothing noble at this point about continuing to pour into her when she is so clearly disappointed in him. It’s so sad to watch. 

Kelly and Kenny are perfect for each other. Period. 

[aion-rsa]

Best Romantic Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now

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Some movies brave enough to tread where only pop songs and poems go, and try to capture all the drama, contradictions and happy, bubbly feelings that come along with romance and love. It’s high-time that we honor them and defend them against their unearned sappy reputations with the best romantic movies on Amazon Prime.

We’ve scoured Amazon Prime to find the best romantic movies available for your viewing pleasure. Here are the best romantic movies on Amazon Prime. Ok, some of them are perfectly sappy.

The Big Sick

Kumail Nanjiani and his wife Emily Gordon’s theatrical debut made big waves when it came out for the singularity of its vision and just how plain funny it is. Now Amazon gets to reap the benefits of producing a bonafide romantic indie hit by getting its exclusive streaming rights. The Big Sick is the real life story of comedian Kumail Nanjiani meeting and falling in love with his wife, Emily (who is played by Zoe Kazan in the film).

Kumail and Emily’s courtship process is difficult enough to begin with due to Kumail’s family pressuring him to find a nice Pakistani girl to settle down with. But soon things get even more difficult as Emily suffers a health scare and Kumail must suddenly contend with that situation and Emily’s eccentric parents who have just come to town. The Big Sick is a clear vision from talented people and tells a beautifully convincing love story while making plenty of room for laughter. Not only that but it’s a big win for our list of best romance movies on Amazon Prime.

Watch The Big Sick

What If

Canadian drama What If (originally known as The F Word before the MPAA got its greasy fingers all over it) is a fun romantic movie and a tremendous showcase for its two young stars Daniel Radcliffe (you know what he’s from) and Zoe Kazan (The Big Sick). Radcliffe stars as Wallace – a directionless young man living in Toronto who decides to become more social after his girlfriend cheats on him.

Enter Kylo Ren (Adam Driver playing a character who is unfortunately not named Kylo Ren) who takes Wallace to a party where he meets the alluring Chantry (Kazan). Wallace and Chantry immediately fall for each other. Unfortunately there’s the small matter of Chantry’s boyfriend. What If? is a sweet little Canadian flick that knows how to push its audiences romantic buttons.

Watch What If

Still Mine

Still Mine isn’t necessarily about romance. It’s about love – a deep prevailing love built up over decades. Craig Morrison (James Cromwell) is a farmer in rural New Brunswick, Canada. He intends to build a new house for his ailing wife Irene (Geneviève Bujold) but runs into trouble with the local municipality’s bureaucracy prevents him from doing so.

Still Mine is as romantic a movie about bureacratic development regulations as has ever existed. Cromwell and Bujold have wonderful chemistry and paint a portrait of profound, abiding love.

Watch Still Mine

Some Kind of Wonderful

Some Kind of Wonderful doesn’t have the same pop culture standing as other John Huges films like Sixteen Candles or Pretty in Pink. Still this remains a worthwhile entry into the Hughes canon on teenage love. 

Read more

Movies

Celebrating John Hughes’ Sixteen Candles

By Carley Tauchert

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The Bee: The $50 Million John Hughes Movie That Fell Apart

By Simon Brew

Keith Nelson (Eric Stoltz) is a high school outcast who has his eyes set on popular girl Amanda Jones (Lea Thompson). Thankfully he has his tomboyish Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson) to help court her. Based on that meager plot description, you may think you know where Some Kind of Wonderful is going to end up, and…you’re probably right. That doesn’t make the journey any less satisfying. 

Watch Some Kind of Wonderful

To Catch a Thief

You know who would make a great romance film? The guy who did Psycho. Yes To Catch a Thief is a classic romance film from none other than Alfred Hitchcock. Of course, there’s a lot more going on in this heist thriller.

Cary Grant stars as retired cat burglar John Robie. When another burglar starts copying his act, Robie has to undergo One Last Job (TM) to catch…a thief. In the process John comes across the wealthy Frances (Grace Kelly) and the two strike up an unlikely romance for the ages.

Watch To Catch a Thief

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Hello, My Name is Doris

Between TBS’ Search Party and Hello, My Name is Doris, director Michael Showalter had a stellar 2016. Hello, My Name is Doris is a wonderfully sweet, equally tragic and completely hilarious romantic comedy. Sally Field stars as the titular Doris, a lively woman in her 60s who after the death of her mother becomes infatuated with a younger man. 

Read more

Movies

Best Romantic Movies on Netflix

By Alec Bojalad

Movies

Best Romantic Movies on Hulu Right Now

By Alec Bojalad

With the help of cliched self-help materials she does whatever she can to get his attention. Hello, My Name is Doris is an empathetic romantic comedy that will change how you view age. 

Watch Hello, My Name is Doris

Sabrina (1995)

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now. Sabrina‘s theatrical poster is dope. When I was a kid and I would pass the VHS cover in Blockbuster, I couldn’t help but think “Wow, that is a real adult movie.” At a young age, the mere sight of a woman’s lascivious red lipstick (lascivious in my head at least) was enough to fry my brain. Poster aside, however, Sabrina is an excellent romance with some real star power. It’s a remake of the 1954 film of the same name starring Billy Wilder and Audrey Hepburn. 

This version was directed by the great Sydney Pollack and stars Harrison Ford, Greg Kinnear, and Julia Ormond. Weirdly enough Greg Kinnear plays the ultimate rich playboy while Harrison Ford plays his studious older brother. Weird casting choices but it works out alright thanks to each actor’s chemistry with Ormond.

Watch Sabrina

Ghost

Ghost is much more than just the reason you can no longer attend a pottery class without giggling. It’s a legitimately great sci-fi romance yarn. Patrick Swayze stars as Sam a banker who is killed by a mugger. Immediately post-death he discovers that he has become a ghost and can no longer directly interact with his girlfriend Molly (Demi Moore).

Sam sets out to solve his own murder and somehow reconnect with the woman he loves. Ghostcomes along with all the corniness of an early ’90s blockbuster but its central theme of love trying to achieve the impossible plays in any decade.

Watch Ghost

Brokeback Mountain

Longing is a crucial part of the formula in any romance movie and Brokeback Mountain has it in spades. Ang Lee’s 2005 film played a crucial role in bringing queer cinema to the mainstream and it did so by presenting mostly straight audiences with a universal depiction of love and passion – the kind of love that supersedes the norms and expectations of everything in your life to that point.

Heath Ledger and Jake Gylllenhaal star as 1960s Wyoming cowboys Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist. While herding sheep on the Brokeback mountains, Jack makes a sexual pass at Ennis and the two begin a summer-long physical affair. The movie then follows the pair through the subsequent decades as they try to return to their “normal” lives, all the while unable to forget their time on Brokeback.

Watch Brokeback Mountain

Letter to Juliet

Somewhere along the way, Hollywood decided to let Amanda Seyfried become the queen of romantic comedies set in exotic locales…and that’s perfectly fine with us.

In Letters to Juliet, Seyfried stars as a New York fact checker Sophie on “pre-honeymoon” with her fiancé in Verona. There she learns of the phenomenon of “letters to Juliet” where women women bring love letters to Juliet Montague’s Verona courtyard. When Sophie answers a letter from 1957, she embarks on a decades-spanning journey of love and self-discover.y

Watch Letters to Juliet

What Men Want

Back in 2000, only one film had the distinction…nay, the courage of trying to figure out What Women Want. The answer, apparently, was Mel Gibson. We don’t talk about this movie that much.

Read more

Books

Which YA Romance Should Netflix Adapt Next?

By Kayti Burt

Books

Yesterday Is History: Meet the Latest Addition to the Time Travel Romance Genre

By Alana Joli Abbott

2019’s What Men Want is a loose remake of the earlier film. And it has something that the original never did: Taraji P. Henson! Henson stars as Ali Davis, a sports agent who gains the ability to read men’s minds after meeting a shaman. The movie puts Ali’s male-dominated profession to good use and in the process tells a nifty little romance story.

Watch What Men Want

There’s Something About Mary

More than two decades later, it’s still wild to see that above screenshot. Like, that ran in newspapers. It was on a poster! And if you don’t know why a photo of Cameron Diaz with a unique hairstyle is a big deal then you’ve likely not seen the Farrelly Brothers 1998 gross out classic There’s Something About Mary.

This is not so much a romance movie as it is an exploration of the pitfalls of attraction. Diaz stars as Mary Jensen…and there’s just something about her. Ben Stiller, Matt Dillon, Lee Evans, and Chris Elliott all play men who are helplessly in love with Mary and trying to win her affection. In the process, many injuries as sustained.

Watch There’s Something About Mary

Moulin Rouge!

If you like your romance with more than a dash of Baz Luhrmann saturated colors and big, sexy musical numbers then Moulin Rouge! is almost certainly the movie for you.

This 2001 film is set in 1900s Paris amid the Bohemian movement. When Christian (Ewan McGregor) falls in love with Moulin Rouge cabaret actress and courtesan Satine (Nicole Kidman), he must contend with her impending betrothal (or really sale) to the Duke of Montrose. As one might imagine, this is resolved with quite a bit of singing and dancing.

Watch Moulin Rouge!

Sylvie’s Love

Amazon Prime’s 2020 film Sylvie’s Love positively oozes jazz era atmosphere and tells a compelling, decades-spanning love story in the process.

Tessa Thompson stars as Sylvie Parker, a young woman who one day meets an aspiring saxophonist (played by Kerry Washington’s husband and former NFLer Nnamdi Asomugha) and in her father’s record shop in 1950s Harlem. This leads to sweeping romance that guides the pair through the era’s jazz music scene.

Watch Sylvie’s Love

The post Best Romantic Movies on Amazon Prime Right Now appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[thecosmicjackalope]

It’s probably not gonna happen but you know what would be amazing for next episode?

Kiteman leaves without saying anything to Harley or Ivy, who are then left comforting each other about the situation. Both feel like pieces of shit and both are confused about how to move on. Days pass. Weeks pass. As the city rebuilds itself, Kiteman is nowhere to be found and there’s a wall between Harley and Ivy. Everything between them is awkward now because Harley still wants to pursue Ivy but Ivy is riddled with guilt and is still confused about her feelings for Harley and for Kiteman. The crew suffers through the tension, moving between helping them get through their shit and trying to find Kiteman. Ivy wants to find him and so does Harley, but there is still an undercurrent of jealousy from Harley because Ivy’s focused on finding Kiteman and won’t even talk to her about the future and “what happens now.”

During all this, Gotham’s abuzz with gossip about what they have seen and everyone’s taking sides (like how we all are in the comments sections). There’s a good portion of the population that are hounding Harley and Ivy about their “new relationship”, some people are spitting on Harley and calling her a home wrecker (especially Kiteman’s parents, which would kind of be a nice little way to nod at the fact that despite being assholes they do still stand by him), Ivy has people who are talking about how glad they are that she’s dumped “that loser” which fills her with even more guilt, and everyone is laughing about Kiteman, with some wondering about where he is.

The scene shifts and we find Kiteman out of his costume, grounded, without his kite, blending in with everyone around him and succeeding because no one sans Ivy has seen him without his get up. He wanders from place to place, never really going anywhere, sometimes dropping by old spots where he and Ivy had some moments together. He’s not eating, he’s sleeping too much, living like he’s already dead. He walks by a wedding venue and sees the happy couple kiss and look into each other’s eyes lovingly.

He forces himself to look away.

Eventually he wanders into THE PIT or somewhere nearby, feeling low as dirt, lost, confused. He still hasn’t said a line since the episode started. He’s hanging out in the wreckage and the waste, he sees a kite, or perhaps a little harlequin doll, or something that reminds him of what he’s lost. And he snaps, and starts stomping on it and having a breakdown when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see that it’s Bane. Expecting Bane to attack him or do worse, Kiteman - or, “just Chuck” at this point - welcomes death. Bane refuses. In fact, he sits down with Kiteman and the camera and the audio pans and fades away respectively as they begin to have a long honest talk.

Back in the city of Gotham, Harley and Ivy have one big argument with a lot of their ugliest feelings bubbling up to the surface and bursting out. Very harsh words are exchanged. They separate, leaving behind the crew, lost, confused and hurt that three people they care about are suffering so much. Ivy goes to be alone in a place she loves, maybe an old greenhouse. Harley goes to a carnival or maybe some batting cages to practice her swing. Each of them respectively are confronted by different people who have something to say - Ivy is approached by Catwoman who “had a feeing she’d be at her usual spot” and Harley is confronted by Batgirl and Batman. They all talk.

Batman talks to Harley about relationships and responsibility and knowing what you want and listening to other people, going off of his own failed romances with Talia and Catwoman respectively, possibly even acknowledging a budding relationship with Wonder Woman or Superman (or both, as, in a hilarious twist, their incident with Ivy’s pheromones lead to them questioning their relationships with each other and trying to be a poly throuple). Batman closes the convo off with saying that Harley has to face the music for the people she’s hurt, but also says that he’ll be happy to see her with someone who treats her right and encourages her to listen to her heart. Harley admits that she feel like she doesn’t deserve love and Batgirl argues that yes she does. She thanks Harley for some of her good deeds, and especially for inspiring her to stand up for the person she loves (her dad) and be his hero, the hero that Gotham needed, while Batman was out. And she closes her end of the conversation by telling Harley that no matter what she chooses, she will stand by her decision. Harley smiles and hugs her, and humorously, Batman gets dragged into the hug and hates the whole experience.

In their own space, Catwoman and Ivy talk. Ivy vents to Catwoman about everything that’s gone down and all of her feelings and guilt and confusion about it, and for once, Catwoman listens, without fuss, without sarcasm, without a word at all. When Ivy admits that she thinks it’s over between them and that maybe it was doomed from the start, Catwoman talks about her romance with Batman, how she always expected it to be doomed, caused it to self destruct and how very deeply she regrets that she let him get away and didn’t try to actually fix the problems in their relationship. She admits that she’s lonely and that she lives her life alone and that she enjoys it, but that it doesn’t come without problems. It comes with regrets. It comes with emptiness. It comes with too heavy a price sometimes. And she encourages Ivy, in her own aloof, standoffish way, that if Ivy really feels like she has something special with Kiteman and Harley, she should pursue it. She should be honest with her feelings about both.

So Ivy and Harley run into each other, and they apologize and tell each other what they want. Harley wants Ivy, and also to take responsibility for how she did Kiteman dirty and wants to mend her friendship with him. Ivy admits she loves Harley and Kiteman both and wants to talk to them both to see if they can all pursue something together, namely, if Ivy is romantically with both, and if Kiteman and Harley are okay with that.

But first they have to apologize and take responsibility for what they’ve done.

At that moment, Kiteman enters the doorway. He’s wearing his uniform, he’s got his things. Ivy and Harley are relieved to see him, but somethings wrong. They can tell something is wrong. He walks past Harley like she’s not even there and he talks to Ivy and tells her that he’s leaving Gotham for another city, somewhere where he can start over, somewhere with lots of wind to soar majestically or something or other. Ivy asks him why and he finally finally lets out all his hurt feelings. Without yelling or raising his voice, he calls her out on all her bullshit, stating that if she had just respected and loved him enough to be honest, they could have worked through it. But she didn’t. And to him, that was unforgivable. He says something along the lines of “ive been a joke to everyone around me since the day I was born. But I thought, for once, I found someone who saw me for who and what I really was. A person. When I met you, I finally thought I found my match, my partner in crime who I could spend the rest of my life with, who would be with me no matter what. But I was wrong. In the end.... I was just a joke to you too.”

Ivy is hurt by this and tries to apologize but Kiteman says he’s made up his mind and he just came by for closure and to give her a proper goodbye. Harley tries to apologize, Kiteman ignores her but does tell the others he’s out of the crew and flies off.

He takes one last look behind him, but he doesn’t look at Ivy. He looks at Harley, not with hate, or anger, but bitter disappointment and betrayal. And it’s at this point that Harley truly realizes what she’s done.

Since You’ve Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson, aka Harley and Ivy’s trademark wedding song request, starts playing in the background as a sequence starts to play. Ivy and Harley drift apart. The rest of the crew - Frank, KS, Clayface and Sy - all struggle with the loss of Kiteman. If Harley was the brains of the group, Kiteman was the heart, and without him everything feels colder. Life in Gotham goes on. Villains fight heroes. People rebuild. College kids graduate, and Joker and his new girlfriend witness the kids perform at a school play, with all of his goons in the audience cheering them on. Bane continues helping others. Nora, Jennifer and Catwoman pay their respects to Dr Frieze and leave flowers on his grave before going out to dinner together as friends (and yes, they all have Cobb Squad tattoos on their arms). Riddler still does his riddles but has started teaching a class for cardio at a local gym and is deeply enjoying it. The only job Dr Psycho can get is running and operating a Ferris wheel ride at the local carnival, which, ironically, he’s good at and he actually kind of enjoys, if only because it’s easy money. He watches as a short little girl JUST misses the height test...and uses his powers to alter the sign so she can ride, just so she doesn’t know the crushing disappointment he felt when he was a kid. (Humorously, When she inevitably falls off the Ferris wheel later, he casually catches her with his powers and sets her back down on the ground without even looking up from the porn mag he’s browsing.) Batgirl and Gordon play videogames together until something comes onto the police radio, after which they race to the roof to meet Damien and Batman waiting for them in a jet. Damien shows a flicker of jealousy towards Barbara, but there’s clear implication that the two will form a strong sibling like bond. Batman smiles at Gordon and Gordon smiles at Batman.

Gotham rebuilds. Life goes on.

But in the very last scene, as the song comes to a close, the crew disbands, and Harley and Ivy separate, with heavy hearts and too much baggage between them for anything, even their friendship. King Shark goes back to the ocean, ready to throw himself into his loveless marriage. Clayface leaves for Hollywood, ever hopeful that maybe someday he can become a true thespian. Ivy takes Frank and Harley takes Sy. As Ivy and Frank look on with teary eyes, Harley gets into her car and drives off into the sunset, and leaves Gotham city limits while crying her heart out.

And that’s how the season ends.

[abrigailcinema]

Final: Alfred Hitchcock

Alfred Hitchcock was an English film director, producer, and screenwriter. He was considered the “Master of Suspense” and some of his most well known films include Rear Window (1954), Vertigo (1958), North by Northwest (1959), and Psycho (1960). I will be mainly focusing on Hitchcock’s 1954 film, Rear Window. Although Hitchcock moved to Hollywood at the beginning of his career, many mannerisms in his films come from his roots in London, England.

His career began in London, when Paramount Pictures was just opening a studio there. He worked as a co-writer, art director, and production manager for over a dozen silent films. Hitchcock then moved to Gainsborough Pictures in Germany after Paramount had pulled from London. He worked on minor films there, until he moved to Hollywood in 1939, where he completed several films throughout and after the time of World War Two. The most successful years of his career ranged from 1954 to 1964. His films following this period were known, but not entirely successful. In his late life, he was knighted in 1980, and due to his health declining, passed away a few months later. Hitchcock distributed his films in Hollywood through various production companies such as Warner Brothers, and in the instance of Rear Window, Paramount Pictures. His filming techniques were unique, to compel the audience to experience the film as if they were immersed in the story. In the case of Rear Window, many of the shots in the film involved the camera panning across the screen, through the eyes of the main character.

Rear Window was nominated for multiple Oscars in 1954, including best cinematography, best writing (screenplay), best sound, and Alfred Hitchcok was nominated for best director for the film. But, to the surprise of everyone, did not receive any of those awards, only the nominations. Alfred Hitchcock did not write the film from scratch; he had an inspiration - a short story, The short story was titled “It Had To Be Murder” and was written by Cornell Woolrich as part of Dime Detective, in February of 1942. It runs an hour and fifty two minutes, and takes up twelve reels of film. Despite being filmed in the early 1950’s, the film was shot completely in color. Alfred Hitchcock was actually enthralled in the writing process, sometimes more than filming itself, because that’s when all of the great “lightbulb” ideas happen. In an interview with Hitchcock himself, he describes why he loves the writing process so much. He states:

“The most enjoyable part of making a picture is in that little office, with the writer, when we are discussing the story-lines and what we’re going to put on the screen. The big difference is that I do not let the writer go off on his own and just write a script that I will interpret. I stay involved with him and get him involved in the direction of the picture. So he becomes more than a writer; he becomes part maker of the picture.”

The film itself revolves around L.B. “Jeff” Jeffries, a New York magazine photographer stuck in his home during the summer due to a broken leg. To pass the time, he sits in his wheelchair and stares out of his apartment window at his neighbors. He is visited by his nurse, Stella, who disapproves of his spying, and his girlfriend, Lisa, who is a model. His neighbors all have personas created by Jeff, such as Miss Lonely Hearts, who often entertains an imaginary dinner date. Miss Torso was a dancer, juggling between three men. There was a traveling salesman, living with his bed-ridden wife, and a struggling composer that plays the piano. Jeff does more observing, and after a few suspicious events happen in his neighborhood, he believes that the salesman, Lars Thorwald, murdered his wife. After numerous attempts to find clues leading to Thorwald being guilty, tension builds as the audience wonders what will happen next (and no… I will not be spoiling the end of the film).

One of the most intriguing parts about Rear Window is the fact that Jeff has the ability to observe much more clearly in his apartment than he would if he were out and about. Observation was one of the main themes of the film, because without slowing down, nobody picked up on anything that Jeff did. Alfred Hitchcock’s repertoire of mystery thrillers is vast, but in my opinion, the scariest part of this film is the fact that sometimes it doesn’t take deep investigation, but observation. Imagine how much people would be able to learn just from stopping and looking around themselves.

In terms of technique, Alfred Hitchcock wanted to capture the film through the eyes of the main character. Typically, he would use the camera to show what the main character was looking at, as if it were through their own perspective. Another popular technique that Hitchcock used was creating montages during his films, including a series of close up shots that were right in the actors and actresses faces. He would use cameras to almost pan around a character to capture every detail about them. For example, the opening scene of Rear Window includes shots of each person’s apartment, panning from one neighbor to the next. It would cross through each apartment, as if someone were looking around (using his own technique of creating a character's perspective) and then swing around to reveal Jeff. The camera followed Jeff’s leg starting from the foot and led all the way up past his wheelchair right up to his face.

Another interesting part about Alfred HItchcock’s films were his decisions when casting. A lot of times, he would work with one or two actors and use them in multiple of his films. He would initially grow a personal relationship with the people he was filming and directing, and then after growing fond of them, he would want to use them in another work of his. However, as much as he might have favored them and used them in his films, he didn’t necessarily think highly of them. There was one instance where he actually referred to his actors and actresses as cattle, because they needed a lot of direction. He tried to hire people that were easily manipulable, and could be as much of a blank slate as possible when working with him. That way, he could turn them into the characters as closely as possible, rather than interpreting the characters a certain way and acting in a way that Hitchcock didn’t like. Something interesting about his casting was that he almost always cast blonde females in his work. Even though it’s a completely ridiculous thing to think, he believed that blondes appeared less suspicious than brunettes did. For that same reason, when a blonde does something deceitful or unexpected, he thought it was a greater shock than when someone with dark-colored hair did the same exact thing. Although this is completely untrue, he believed this and it heavily impacted his casting for all of his films, just to increase the amount of suspense or shock that he wanted to capture for the audience.

In this particular film, L.B. Jeffries was played by James Stewart, better known as Jimmy Stewart. He was in multiple Hitchcock films, including Vertigo, The Man Who Knew Too Much, and Rope. But, one of his most famous films that he was in is still regularly watched during the Christmas season - It’s a Wonderful Life. Lisa is played by Grace Kelly, who was also in To Catch a Thief, Dial M for Murder, and Terror in the Aisles, all creted by Hitchcock. Stella, the nurse, is played by Thelma Ritter. Despite being a famous actor during the time, this was the only film that she was cast in directed by Alfred Hitchcock. As you can see, there is a pattern as to whom Alfred Hitchcock wanted to work with. Rear Window is only a small inside look to how often Alfred HItchcock actually used the same actors and actresses in numerous films of his.

Alfred Hitchcock focused some of his films on the idea of voyeurism, which is the desire or behavior to observe people. Typically this would be used in the context of spying on people undressing or being naked, but this wasn’t the particular case in Rear Window, as Jeff was just spying on all of his neighbors in general. Voyeurism is a global issue, often seen in criminals who are either stalkers or pedophiles. Although Jeff’s instance is not nearly at this level, in the modern world we live in, it is a problem that unsuspecting people have endured. Voyeurism can be seen in a handful of Hitchcock’s films, but is the most apparent in this film. Jeff’s ability to “spy” on people provides him with entertainment while being held up in his home until his broken leg heals. Through this, he finds some satisfaction in finding out information about his neighbors that other people normally wouldn’t pick up on. However, there is some controversy as to whether Jeff is doing something illegal by spying on his neighbors or if he is simply observing his neighbors in the sense that he is a photographer looking for inspiration. The central idea of voyeurism in this instance isn’t to give Jeff pleasure, it’s to satisfy himself in being able to create his own entertainment.

Overall, I highly recommend this classic mystery-thriller to anyone that enjoys watching films. It takes you through a journey of emotions, between the collection of drama and suspense during the film. Alfred Hitchcock created an incredible, spine-tingling repertoire of work, but I believe that Rear Window was a breakthrough, beginning the peak of his career and exemplifying the themes of some of his most popular work.

VIDEOS:

https://youtu.be/m01YktiEZCw

https://youtu.be/j9lZRDAoecs

SOURCES:

Teachout, Terry. “The Trouble With Alfred Hitchcock.” Commentary, vol. 127, no. 2, Feb. 2009, pp. 43–46. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lfh&AN=37360095&site=eds-live.

Lawrence Howe. “Through the Looking Glass: Reflexivity, Reciprocality, and Defenestration in Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window.’” College Literature, vol. 35, no. 1, Jan. 2008, pp. 16–37. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=edsjsr&AN=edsjsr.25115476&site=eds-live.

DeRosa, Steven. “Writing with Hitchcock: John Michael Hayes and the Making of Rear Window.” Worcester Review, vol. 38, no. 1/2, Jan. 2017, pp. 110–120. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com.libserv-prd.bridgew.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lfh&AN=134934180&site=eds-live.

“Rear Window.” (1954) - Turner Classic Movies, Turner Classic Movies, 1 Jan. 1970, www.tcm.com/tcmdb/title/87777/rear-window/#overview.

Mikulec, Sven. “'Rear Window': Hitchcock's Cinematic Exploration of Voyeurism Disguised as a Top-Notch Thriller • Cinephilia & Beyond.” Cinephilia & Beyond, 12 Nov. 2020, cinephiliabeyond.org/rear-window-hitchcocks-cinematic-exploration-voyeurism-disguised-top-notch-thriller/.

North, David. “Voyeurism and Subjective Understanding in ‘Rear Window.’” University of Chicago Philosophy Review, 17 Apr. 2019, ucpr.blog/2018/12/13/voyeurism-and-subjective-understanding-in-rear-window/comment-page-1/. 

[aprilynclino-blog]

How to be happy?

Happiness looks various for every person. For you, maybe it's being at tranquility with who you are. Or having a protected network of close friends that accept you unconditionally. Or the flexibility to seek your inmost dreams.

No matter your version of true joy, living a happier, a lot more satisfied life is accessible. A couple of tweaks to your routine routines can assist you arrive.

Routines issue. If you've ever before attempted breaking a negative behavior, you recognize all too well exactly how engrained they are.

Well, great behaviors are deeply engrained, also. Why not work with making favorable habits part of your routine?

Below's a look at some everyday, monthly, as well as yearly routines to assist start your quest. Just keep in mind that every person's variation of joy is a bit different, therefore is their course to achieving it.

If some of these behaviors create added stress or simply don't fit your lifestyle, ditch them. With a little time as well as method, you'll identify what does and doesn't work for you.

1. Smile

When you're pleased, you tend to smile. However it's in fact a two-way street.

We smile because we're pleased, as well as smiling causes the brain to launch dopamine, which makes us happier.

That does not mean you need to go around with a fake smile smudged on your face at all times. The next time you locate on your own really feeling low, see as well as fracture a smile what takes place. Or try starting each morning by smiling at yourself in the mirror.

2. Exercise

Workout isn't simply for your body. Regular exercise can aid to lower stress and anxiety, sensations of stress and anxiety, and also signs and symptoms of depression while enhancing self-confidence as well as happiness.

Even a little quantity of physical task can make a distinction. You don't have to train for a triathlon or range a cliff-- unless that's what makes you satisfied, naturally.

The trick is not to overexert. If you suddenly throw yourself right into a laborious routine, you'll possibly just end up frustrated (as well as sore).

Take into consideration these exercise starters:

Stroll around the block every evening after dinner.

Register for a newbie's course in yoga or tai chi.

Beginning your day with 5 mins of stretching. Right here's a collection of stretches to get you started.

Advise yourself of any kind of enjoyable tasks you when appreciated, but that have actually fallen by the wayside. Or tasks you constantly wanted to try, such as bowling, golf, or dance.

3. Obtain a lot of sleep

Regardless of exactly how much contemporary society guides us toward less sleep, we understand that ample sleep is vitalTrusted Source to health, brain function, as well as psychological wellness.

Most adults need regarding 7 or 8 hours of sleep every night. If you discover yourself dealing with the desire to snooze throughout the day or simply normally feel like you're in a haze, your body may be telling you it requires much more remainder.

Right here are a couple of pointers to aid you develop a far better sleep routine:

Document the number of hours of rest you get each night and exactly how rested you really feel. After a week, you need to have a better idea exactly how you're doing.

Go to bed and wake up at the very same time daily, consisting of weekends.

Reserve the hour prior to bed as silent time. Take a bathroom, review, or do something relaxing. Prevent hefty eating and also alcohol consumption.

Keep your bedroom dark, cool, and also silent.

Spend in some excellent bedding.

If you need to rest, attempt to limit it to 20 minutes.

Speak to your doctor if you consistently have issues sleeping. You might have a sleep disorder needing therapy.

4. Eat with mood in mind

You currently know that food choices have an influence on your general physical wellness. However some foods can additionally affect your mindset.

:

Carbohydrates release serotonin, a "feel good" hormone. Simply maintain basic carbs-- foods high in sugar as well as starch-- to a minimum, since that power surge is brief and also you'll crash. Complex carbs, such as vegetables, beans, and entire grains, are better.

Lean meat, chicken, vegetables, and also milk are high in healthy protein. These foods launch dopamine as well as norepinephrine, which improve power as well as concentration.

Extremely processed or deep-fried foods have a tendency to leave you really feeling down. Will skipping dishes.

Start by making one better food option every day.

For example, switch a big, wonderful morning meal bread for some Greek yogurt with fruit. You'll still please your craving for sweets, and the healthy protein will certainly assist you avoid a mid-morning power accident. Attempt adding in a new food swap every week.

5. Be thankful

Just being grateful can offer your mood a large increase, to name a few advantages. A recent two-part study located that exercising gratitude can have a considerable effect on sensations of hope and also happiness.

Begin each day by acknowledging something you're grateful for. You can do this while you're brushing your teeth or simply waiting for that snoozed alarm system to go off.

As you set about your day, attempt to watch out for enjoyable points in your life. They can be huge points, such as recognizing that a person enjoys you or getting a well-deserved promotion.

They can likewise be little things, such as a colleague who provided you a mug of coffee or the next-door neighbor that waved to you. Perhaps even just the heat of the sunlight on your skin.

With a little practice, you might even come to be more knowledgeable about all the favorable points around you.

6. Provide a compliment

Research study reveals that doing acts of kindness can aid you really feel much more satisfied.

Giving a genuine praise is a quick, simple way to lighten up a person's day while providing your very own joy an increase.

Capture the person's eye and claim it with a smile so they know you imply it. You could be amazed by just how excellent it makes you really feel.

If you want to offer someone a praise on their physical appearance, make certain to do it in a considerate method. Below are some tips to obtain you began.

7. Breathe deeply

You're stressful, your shoulders are tight, as well as you feel as though you simply might "lose it." We all know that feeling.

Instinct may tell you to take a long, deep breath to relax on your own down.

Turns out, that reaction is an excellent

one. According to Harvard Health, deep breathing exercises can assist

reduce stress and anxiety.

The next time you feel worried or at your wit's end, work through these actions:

Close your eyes. Try to visualize a satisfied memory or lovely place.

Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose.

Gradually breathe out via your mouth or nose.

Repeat this process several times, up until you start to feel yourself relax.

If you're having a difficult time taking sluggish, deliberate breaths, attempt counting to 5 in your head with each inhale and breathe out.

8. Acknowledge the unhappy moments

A positive attitude is typically a great point, yet poor points occur to everybody. It's simply part of life.

If you obtain some negative news, slip up, or just feel like you're in a funk, do not try to claim you're pleased.

Recognize the feeling of unhappiness, letting on your own experience it for a minute. Change your emphasis toward what made you feel this method as well as what it might take to recoup.

Would a deep breathing workout assistance? A long walk outside? Speaking it over with a person?

Let the minute pass and deal with on your own. Remember, nobody's satisfied at all times.

9. Keep a journal

A journal is an excellent way to organize your ideas, evaluate your sensations, and make strategies. And you do not need to be a literary genius or compose volumes to benefit.

It can be as straightforward as taking down a couple of ideas prior to you go to bed. If placing certain things in composing makes you nervous, you can constantly shred it when you've finished. It's the procedure that counts.

Not exactly sure what to do with all the feelings that end up on the page? Our overview to organizing your feelings can aid.

10. Face anxiety head-on

Life has lots of stressors, and also it's difficult to stay clear of all of them.

There's no need to. Stanford psycho therapist Kelly McGonigal states that anxiety isn't always unsafe, and also we can even alter our mindsets concerning tension. Find out more regarding the benefit of tension.

For those stressors you can't stay clear of, advise on your own that everyone has tension-- there's no reason to think it's all on you. And possibilities are, you're stronger than you assume you are.

Instead of allowing on your own get bewildered, try to deal with the stress factor head-on. This might indicate launching an awkward conversation or placing in some extra job, however the quicker you tackle it, the earlier the pit in your belly will begin to reduce.

The next time you locate yourself feeling reduced, split a smile and also see what takes place. Or try starting each early morning by smiling at yourself in the mirror.

Carbohydrates release serotonin, a "feel excellent" hormonal agent. Just keep easy carbohydrates-- foods high in sugar and starch-- to a minimum, because that energy rise is short and you'll collapse. If placing certain points in composing makes you worried, you can constantly shred it when you've completed.

Travel to other countries.

[hornsbeforehalos]

Waste Love: Part Five

Pairing: Colson Baker|Machine Gun Kelly x OFC Warnings: Alcohol and Drug Use, Language, Violence, Future Smut, Slow Burn, ANGST OUT THE ASS.

“Colson! I swear to fucking God you get on my fuckin’ nerves!” Tiffany screeched from the kitchen. The sound of her footsteps stomping down the hall brought a guilty smile to Colson’s face until suddenly the back of his head was stinging and a loud crack was heard through the room.

“Ah! What the fuck, bitch!?” He barked back with a hiss, jumping up and rubbing the spot of impact to sooth the sting, “The fuck is your problem?”

“Did you eat my last avocado?!” She questioned, gesturing to him with a rather large kitchen knife, “I swear to god I’m going to fucking stab you.” 

Slim snickered from his spot on the loveseat, his hand covering his mouth, “You done fucked up, boyyy.”

“Man I don’t even like avocado!” Colson argued as he backed away, his hands up in surrender, “It was fucking Rook, babe, I swear!” 

Seething, Tiffany spun around on her heels and headed back down the hallway to her brother’s room. “I’m going to fucking kill you, John!” 

Colson couldn’t help the snorting giggle that shot out of him as he busted out laughing. He and Slim followed behind her as she burst through JP’s bedroom door, the knife still clutched tightly in her hand.

“I can’t have anything in this fuckin’ house my own!” She bitched as she jerked the covers off of Rook’s sleeping form and lunged at him, the man instantly jumping up and defending himself.

“The fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch!?” Her brother shouted, holding Tiffany off of him with the knife dangerously close to his chest.

“You ate my avocado!” She repeated, grunting as the hand not holding the knife tangled in his hair with a sharp tug, “Piece of shit!” 

“Kels fucking ate it, bitch, get the fuck off me!” He yelled as he finally got his feet up to her stomach, kicking her off of him with so much force the she stumbled back into the wall. 

Colson had about a three second head start while she got her bearings to run for his life. 

“I’m going to fucking gut you!” She shrieked, picking up the fallen weapon and exiting the room. Slim attempted to stand in her way, but with just one look from the pissed off woman, he held his hands up in surrender and stepped away. He’d seen her fight the guys before, and it never worked out to their advantage. 

She flung the knife towards Colson’s head just as he’d ducked down on the other side of the sofa, the pointed tip of the blade whizzing past his shoulder and landing in the drywall behind him.

“You almost fucking stabbed me, you psycho!” Colson yelled, shocked but still laughing as he raised his head up, only to be tackled by the woman. He fell back onto the floor as she straddled him, her tiny hands wrapping around his neck and squeezing.

“That was my last avocado, you prick,” She snarled as she cut off his oxygen level. Colson obviously wasn’t going to let himself get choked out, especially by her, and he quickly wrapped his own hand around her throat, a smirk playing on his face as he licked his lips.

“You wanna play like that, huh?” He asked sadistically, effortlessly pushing her off of him before choke-slamming her into the tile beneath them. Her fingers released his throat immediately, but only to ball up into fists and fall onto the back of his head. She moved to knee him in the stomach, but her leg slipped as her vision started darkening. 

“Say your sorry.” Colson demanded, bright smile flashing at her as he watched her face turn red.

“Fuck you.” She hissed back, her nails still attempting to dig into his shoulders and push him off of her. 

“Later, princess. Now tell Daddy you’re sorry.” 

The smugness in his voice was enough to give her the strength to pull her knee up just so, the quick contact with his groin making Colson recoil away from her instantly with a pain filled groan.

“Awh, bitch, what the fuck,” Colson choked, rolling on to his side as he curled into the fetal position. She kicked him again in the back, huffing as she stood up. 

“That’s what you get when you eat my fuckin’ food!” 

“Gahhhhd damn, Tuff Ass Tiff strikes again, huh?” Andre asked as he entered the house through the garage, grocery bags loaded up his arms. He chuckled at the sight of Colson curled up on the ground, “What he do this time?”

“He ate my fuckin’ avacado! Please tell me you got more!” She begged, her breathing labored.

Andre’s laugh intensified as he entered the kitchen, setting the bags down on the counter before wiping his face with his hands, “Ohh, girl. You’re gonna kill that man one day.” 

She sat down on one of the bar stools near the counter and began going through the bags of assorted snacks, digging through everything until she found what she was looking for. She spun around to go looking for another knife, only to be met with the one she’d thrown at Colson being pointed at her by the man himself. 

Tiffany snatched it from his hand and turned back around to begin cutting up the fruit. Colson draped his arms around her shoulders lazily, bending down to kiss her cheek, “Feel better now, bitch?”

“Fuck you.” She retorted before popping a piece in her mouth, happiness and contentment spreading across her face. 

“Like I said, later.” Colson teased, stealing a large piece from the plate while leaning against the counter next to her with a wink. Tiffany jabbed the knife towards him again, her eyes narrowing at him with the threat as she continued to chew.

“Is the coast clear?” Rook questioned cautiously as he ducked his head into the kitchen, eyes scanning the room to make sure there were no flying objects, “I’m not gonna get stabbed for something I didn’t do, am I?”

“Can’t believe you fucking ratted on me, bro. She almost fucking killed me,” Colson exclaimed, eyes wide as he pointed towards the living room, “She put a fucking hole in the wall.” 

“You know better than to eat that girl’s food, Kels,” Andre replied, shaking his head in amusement, “I seen her put Slim in a chokehold over a Klondike bar.” 

“Facts,” Slim confirmed, shooting finger guns at Dre as he found his way in the room and sat on the other side of Colson, “I still say she fucked something up in my throat.”

“Yeah, well, I’mma be fuckin’ up her throat later if she don’t say she’s sorry.” Colson snarked, cocking an eyebrow at Tiffany, who flipped him off with a snort.

“Dude.” Rook barked, throwing his arms up in disgust, “Really?”

“Sorry, dog.” Colson chuckled as he looked back down to Tiff, scrunching his nose at her playfully as she rolled her eyes at him. 

“So who all supposed to be there tonight?” Rook asked, wanting to change the subject to avoid hearing anything perverted about his sister, “Is it gonna be lit?”

“Litty like a titty,” Colson replied, turning to look at him as he drummed his fingers against the counter, “I was about to go on the run for all the party favors, y'all wanna ride or just meet me there?”

“I’ll ride,” Slim and Rook said in unison. 

“I’ll meet you there later, babe. I still gotta take a shower and get ready.” Tiffany answered when Colson's questioning eyes met hers. He nodded his head and pushed himself from the counter, bending down to slip his fingers into her hair and kiss her. His tongue snaked into her mouth as the guys left the room, swirling with hers for a minute before he pulled away. 

“Wear something sexy for Daddy.” He winked before kissing her forehead, skipping away from her hand that popped out to smack his ass as he exited the room. 

Tiffany giggled before finishing her precious avocado and getting up to start getting ready. 

She took a shower and curled her hair, making sure every piece was in the perfect spot after applying her makeup. She made sure to do it up a little, her honey colored eyes shining bright with the smokey eyeshadow and long false lashes. She painted her favorite matte black lipstick across her lips, smiling at herself in the mirror. 

“God damn, Tiff,” Andre barked when she finally appeared from her room when she was finished, eyeing her outfit “You tryna make the nigga marry you or somethin’?”

“Shut the fuck up,” She snorted, taking the blunt he was holding out to her as she adjusted the high waisted leather skirt so she could sit down on the couch to slip her heels on. She hit the Dutch and let the smoke fill her lungs before standing back up, passing it back to him before pulling on the sleeve of the off the shoulder cropped Metallica shirt she was wearing. “I’m ready if you’re ready.” 

Colson’s house was already filled with people when they arrived, loud music pounding as they walked through the door. They found Colson in the living room with Rook and some others that she’d recognized, two girls sitting on either side of him with their arms wrapped around him. 

His eyes were only on her though as she approached him, giant beaming smile plastered on his face as he stood up, pulling himself out of the groupies’ embrace, “Fuckin’ finally. Holy shit, look how fuckin’ fine my bitch is.” 

Colson snatched her hand and pulled her to the other side of the coffee table, squeezing her ass tightly before dragging her into his lap as he sat back down. The girls who had been occupying the space with him scooted over barely, and Colson couldn’t stop himself from snapping at them, “Move, hoe, damn. The fuck?”

Huffing, they both got up and left, mumbling under their breath about how they didn’t see how She was so special. She cocked an eyebrow at Colson who just shrugged in response before attaching his lips to hers. They made out for a moment, ignoring the catcalls and wolf whistles from everyone around them. Tiffany pulled away first, smirking at him while wiping around her mouth, making sure her lipstick was still intact. 

“I'm thirsty.” She pouted, watching Colson lift a plastic cup to his lips for a drink. 

He chuckled at her baby voice, scrunching his nose before shifting her so he could reach between his legs, pulling out a bottle of Crown and another of Ciroc, “What would you like, my love?”

“Whiskey, please,” She smiled, clapping her hands before reaching for it. She cracked the bottle and brought it to her mouth, the amber liquid flowing down her throat with a comforting burn. 

“Mmm, that’s hot,” He mumbled, slipping the shoulder of her shirt down to graze his lips against her skin, “Do it again.” 

She snorted at him before raising the bottle, taking another drink from it before putting it down. 

“So fuckin’ sexy.” He praised, his fingers kneading into the flesh of her thighs while bucking up into her, “Can’t wait to fuck the shit out of you later.” 

“Dude! I’m right here,” Rook piped in, throwing an empty cup at the side of Colson’s head. The group all laughed, Tiffany and Colson both sticking their tongues out at the drummer. 

“You want summa that?” Colson asked, nodding his head to the coffee table, where a plate filled with white powder rested, “We got tabs and shit too somewhere.” 

“I’ll take a bump, but I don’t wanna go full scarface just yet. How many tabs have you taken?” She replied, reaching for the plate as Slim handed it to her.

“I took two about an hour ago.” Colson smiled, licking his lips as he watched her cut herself a small amount of cocaine from the pile. 

“That explains a lot,” She chuckled, handing him the plate so he could hold it for her while she brought the rolled hundred to one nostril. Closing the other with her finger, she took a deep inhale, the drug instantly shooting to the back of her throat. 

“Gah, that shits so fucking nasty.” She hissed, shaking her head as she exhaled. Rubbing the residue from the bottom of her nose, she took the plate from Colson so he could do a line, his way bigger than hers. 

He passed the plate back to Slim as JP tossed a joint to Tiffany, the woman humming in satisfaction as she brought it to her lips to light. Colson flicked the lighter for her and brought it to the tip, the cherry burning bright as she took a deep toke.

“Who got them X-O’s, Dubb?” Colson hollered, leaning back and cocking his head to see where his friend was. 

“They right here,” the man replied, handing the baggie filled with candy shaped pills to Colson as he walked up behind the couch. Tiff handed Dubb the blunt as she held her hand out for the bag, examining the contents to pick out which ones she wanted. 

“How many you gonna take?” Colson asked, wrapping his arms around her stomach to give her a squeeze, “I’m tryna get you fucked up.” 

Rolling her eyes, she pulled two pink pills out and popped them into her mouth, her face displaying disgust as she let them sizzle on her tongue, “Let’s see what these do and go from there, yeah?”

At some point in the night, once their highs had taken hold and had them feeling euphoric, the two ended up separated. Tiffany had changed into her bathing suit and was lounging by the pool, enjoying the fresh air and the feeling of the cool water dancing over her toes. She was smoking a blunt with her brother when a group of girls walked outside, their voices instantly hushing when they saw her. 

“Uh, hey, Kels is looking for you,” One of them said, an impish grin tugging on her lips, “He looks pretty fucked up.” 

“Yeah, well, so am I,” Tiffany returned, giggling as she passed the blunt back to Rook. 

“He’s a big boy, ladies. He can handle himself” Rook snickered, bringing the blunt to his lips. 

“I dunno, Rook,” another girl said, her lips twisting in uncertainty, “Someone should probably check on him.”

Sighing with annoyance, Rook rolled his head towards Tiffany as he stubbed out the roache. “You gonna go or you want me to?” 

“He was asking for her specifically.” The first girl interrupted, her eyes bouncing between faces before she looked back to Tiffany, “wanted to show you something or somethin’.”

“God damn it.” Tiffany complained, hanging her head back towards the sky as she grimaced, “Why does he do this shit to me.”

“I think it’s sweet.” The other girl squeaked out, covering her grin with her hand. 

Tiffany shrugged but stood up, adjusting her swimsuit bottoms before slipping on her flip flops and heading inside. 

She followed the sound of hollering and cheers into the kitchen, where she found Colson leaned over the island counter, snorting a giant line off the very naked girl who was currently laying on it. Another girl was behind him, her arms wrapped around him and her hand half way down his pants. 

When the line was successfully in his brain cavity, he twisted around with a goofy smile on his face as everyone yelled for him. His face brightened even more when he saw Tiffany standing there, eyebrow cocked and she laughed at him. “Havin’ fun there, Kels?”

The woman behind him with her hand below Colson’s belt threw a devious smirk in Tiffany’s direction, not even attempting to conceal what she was doing. Colson’s gaze trailed to where Tiffany’s eyes were locked into, the man finally registering what was happening. He shoved her away from him, hard, snarling at the little bitch, “The fuck is wrong with you?”

Tiffany chuckled as the girl took off after shooting daggers in her direction. Colson’s smile returned as his eyes raked over Tiffany’s frame. The tight little black bikini was a favorite of his and left very little to the imagination. He bit his lip as he approached her, his huge hands immediately finding purchase on her ass and giving it a squeeze. He pulled her into his bare chest, shoving his tongue into her mouth while one hand wrapped around her throat. She laughed into the kiss and wrapped her arms around him, stepping up onto her tiptoes to get closer. Another round of cat calls was heard behind them, and they broke apart to flip everybody off. 

“So is that one mine?” Tiffany asked innocently, gesturing with her hand to a line still resting on the naked woman in front of them, “I like cocaine and titties too.”

“God damn I love this bitch” Colson laughed, rutting his face into her hair as he handed her the straw. He watched in amazement as she snorted the four inch rail by herself.

She rolled her eyes at him as she sniffled the remnants up her nose, her fingernail poking him in the gut playfully. He winked at her before someone handed them both shots, the two downing them with their arms wrapped around each other. Colsons hands snaked down to her ass again as he lead her out of the kitchen, hoisting her up his body as they walked. She wrapped her thighs around his narrow waist as he carried her through the backyard. 

“Where are we going?” Tiffany asked, curious expression on her face as she met his eyes.

“I’m ‘bout to piss everyone off and fuck you in this hot tub.” Colson explained, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously at her before dropping her in the water.

Masterlist

Tags: @coffee-obsessed-writer @through-thesilver-lining@daryldixonandfrogs @buckyscrystalqueen @mgkobsessed@iamdorka @creatureofthen1ght-v3 @xxencagedxx@xxkellsvixen19xx @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk

[kelzen]

I'm seeing psycho pass providence today AHH

[therandombanjo]

Songs From 2019 (one per artist)

Another mixed bag of stuff i either enjoyed a lot, thought was excellent or interesting (regardless of taste… sort of), emerging artists to maybe look out for, and generally music that for whatever reason connected with me in some way, including the odd earworm i just couldn’t shake. Some artists are left off just to vary a little more from some other popular lists. Hope you enjoy some of this too and find something new to be taken by. Please do buy their music if you can and hopefully from a local independent record store if possible to support their work. There’s a spotify playlist (below) for easier listening but I’ve also posted a few links to extra things on some of them if you want to check them out.  Spotify:

(As ever…. as i don’t tumblr or blog or anything (besides this list), this won’t be seen by many (if any?) people so if you like it or think it’s of any worth in any way, please do share this along)

In Alphabetical order:

A.A. Bondy - Killers 3 Abdallah Oumbadougou - Thingalene Alasdair Roberts - Common Clay Alex Rex - Latest Regret Andy Shauf - Try Again Angel Bat Dawid - We Are Starzz Angel Olsen - All Mirrors        bonus. her collab with Mark Ronson “True Blue” Anne Müller - Solo? Repeat! Antoinette Konan - Kokoloko Tani Arthur Russell - Words Of Love Asmâa Hamzaoui and Bnat Timbouktou - Sandia Baby Rose - All To Myself BCI - Grateful Bedouine - When You’re Gone Benny The Butcher - Crowns For Kings      ft. Black Thought Ben Walker - Afon Better Oblivion Community Center - Chesapeake Beverly Glenn-Copeland - A Little Talk     (from a reissue of her 2004 record Primal Prayer) Bibio - Curls The Big Moon - It’s Easy Then Big Thief - a. Not    b. Cattails    (from 2 excellent albums released in the same year: “U.F.O.F” and “Two Hands”) Bill Callahan - a. What Comes After Certainty    b. The Ballad Of The Hulk Bill Fay - Filled With Wonder Once Again Bill Orcutt - Odds Against Tomorrow billy woods - a. Spongebob w/ Kenny Segal     b. Western Education Is Forbidden    ft. Fielded        (From 2 excellent records this year: “Hiding Places” with Kenny Segal, and “Terror Management”) Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Blu & Oh No - The Lost Angels Anthem    ft. Kezia Bon Iver - Hey, Ma Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Beast For Thee Bonny Light Horseman - Bonny Light Horseman      (”supergroup” of the great Anaïs Mitchell, Eric D Johnson & Josh Kaufman) Brent Cobb & Jade Bird - Feet Off The Ground Brighde Chaimbeul -  O Chiadain an Lo Brigyn - Oer Brittany Howard - Stay High    (the video for this, with Terry Crews, is a delight) Bruce Hornsby - Voyager One    ft. yMusic Burd Ellen - Sweet Lemany Caoimhín Ó Raghallaigh and Thomas Bartlett - Kestrel Caribou - You and I Caroline Polachek - Door Cate Le Bon - Daylight Matters Caterina Barbieri - Arrows Of Time Clairo - Bags Cochemea - Mitote comfort - Not Passing The Cool Greenhouse - Cardboard Man    (a pretty hilarious song about David Cameron) CRAC - You Can’t Turn Your Back On Me    (Unreleased old track from ‘76) Cross Record - PYSOL My Castle CZ Wang and Neo Image - Just Off Wave Damon Locks / Black Monument Ensemble - a. Rebuild a Nation   b. Power Daniel Norgren - The Flow Danny Brown - Dirty Laundry Daphni - Sizzling    ft. Paradise Daughter Of Swords - Fellows      (Mountain Man member Alexandra Sauser-Monnig’s 1st solo record) Dave - Psycho David Kilgour - Smoke You Right Out Of Here David Thomas Broughton - Ambiguity     (from the 15th anniversary reissue of his remarkable debut album, The Complete Guide To Insufficiency) Denzel Curry - RICKY Destroyer - Crimson Tide Dry Cleaning - Dog Proposal Dubi Dolczek - Do The Gloop Durand Jones & The Indications - Long Way Home Ela Orleans - The Season      (From 2012 but on a career retrospective, Movies For Ears, put out this year) Elkhorn - Song Of The Son Emile Mosseri - a. The Last Black Man In San Francisco b. San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)    ft. Mike Marshall         (both from the wonderful score for the wonderful film The Last Black Man In San Francisco, the latter a cover of an old song sung here by the guy who sang “I Got 5 On It”!!) Erland Cooper - Haar Ernest Hood - Saturday Morning Doze        (from a re-issue of his “self-released proto-ambient masterpiece” in ‘75) Fat White Family - Feet Faye Webster - Room Temperature Fennesz - In My Room Fernando Falcão -  As 7 Filhas Da Rainha Sumaia     (reissue from ‘87) FKA twigs - cellophane Florist - Shadow Bloom Flowdan - Welcome To London Fontaines D.C. - Roy’s Tune Four Tet / KH - Only Human French Vanilla - All The Time Gang Starr - Family and Loyalty   ft. J. Cole Georgia - About Work The Dancefloor Girl Band - Shoulderblades The Good Ones - Will You Be My Protector?   (of Rwanda) Grand Veymont - Les Rapides Bleus       (of France) Gyedu-Blay Ambolley - Sunkwa     (of Ghana) Hailaker - Not Much HAIM - Summer GIrl Hana Vu - Actress Hand Habits - placeholder Hannah Cohen - Get In Line The Harlem Gospel Travellers - If You Can’t Make It Through A Storm Hayden Thorpe - Diviner     (Former Wild Beasts frontman’s debut solo record) Helado Negro - Running The Highwomen - Redesigning Women Hiss Golden Messenger - I Need A Teacher Holly Herndon - Frontier Homeboy Sandman - Far Out Hoops - They Say Hotel Neon & Blurstem - Language Of Loss House and Land - Rainbow ‘Mid Life’s Willows Ibibio Sound Machine - Wanna Come Down IDER - Saddest Generation The Innocence Mission - On Your Side International Teachers Of Pop - I Stole Yer Plimsoles    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) Jacken Elswyth - The Banks Of Green Williow Jaimie Branch - nuevo roquero estéreo Jake Xerxes Fussell - The River St. Johns Jamila Woods - ZORA Jayda G - Leave Room 2 Breathe Jenny Hval - Ashes To Ashes       Jenny Lewis - Red Bull and Hennessy Jesca Hoop - Outside of Eden     ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) and Jesca’s 12 year-old nephew Justis. This live performance is so sweet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPmE_hU7Ss Jessica Pratt - As The World Turns Joanna Sternberg - This Is Not Who I Want To Be Joan Shelley - Cycle John Blek - North Star Lady Jordan Rakei - Say Something        bonus. under his DJ pseudonym: Dan Kye - Focus Jo Schornikow - Incomplete Joseph Shabason - West of Heaven Julianna Barwick - evening Junius Paul - Baker’s Dozen Kali Malone - Spectacle Of Ritual Kate Teague - Sweetheart Kate Tempest - a. Firesmoke    b. People’s Faces Kelly Moran - Halogen (Una Corda)       (from a record full of all the bare piano parts she played for her prior record before all the editing and processing) Kim Gordon - Air BnB Kindness - Hard To Believe     ft. Jazmine Sullivan KOKOKO! - Buka Dansa     (Congolese collective upcycling discarded materials to make their instruments) Konradsen - Baby Hallelujah     (of Norway) Lambchop - Everything For You Laura Cannell - a. Sing As The Crow Flies     b. Flaxen Fields Laura Stevenson - Lay Back, Arms Out Le Groupe Obscur -  Planète Ténèbres Leonard Cohen - Happens To The Heart Leo Svirsky - River Without Banks Little Simz - 101 FM Lizzo - Tempo   ft. Missy Elliot Loren Conors & Daniel Carter - Departing Lou Roy - Bite Low Chord - Walkk Lower Dens - Galapagos Mahalia - What You Did    ft. Ella Mai Majja - Black James Dean Maria Somerville - This Way Maria Usbeck - Amor Anciano Mary Halvorson & John Dieterich - Vega’s Array      (Mary the recipient of the MacArthur “Genius” Grant this year, because she is) Mary Lattimore & Mac McCaughan - IV Matana Roberts - As Far As The Eye Can See Meitei - Ike Melanie Charles - Trill Suite, No. 1 (Daydreaming/Skylark) The Menzingers - Anna Messiahs Of Glory - No Other Love      (from a collection of rare black gospel from the Midwest between ‘65-’78 put out on Tompkins Square) Mica Levi - a. Hosting     b. Lobo y Lady (from the excellent Colombian film Monos) Michael Abels - a. I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix)    b. Pas De Deux (both from the terrific score to the excellent Jordan Peele film, Us) Michael Kiwanuka - Living In Denial Michael Nau - Poor Condition Mike Adams At His Honest Weight - Wonderful To Love Minor Pieces - Rothko      (duo of Ian William Craig & newcomer Missy Donaldson) Modern Nature - Footsteps Molly Sarlé - Twisted      (Mountain Man member’s 1st solo record) Moodymann - I’ll Provide Moon Duo - Stars Are The Light Moor Mother - After Images Moses Boyd - Stranger Than Fiction Moses Sumney - Polly Mount Eerie & Julie Doiron - Love Without Possession MSYLMA - Inqirad (Rihab-U Dhakir)     (Saudi Arabia) The Murder Capital - Don’t Cling To Life Nardeydey - Freefalling The National - Rylan   ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) The New Pornographers - Falling Down The Stairs Of Your Smile Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - a. Waiting For You   b. Bright Horses   c. Night Raid Nivhek - After Its Own Death: Side A    (Liz Harris of Grouper) Noname - Song 32 Octo Octa - Move Your Body ODD OKODDO - Auma      (Kenyan/German duo) Øyvind Torvund - Starry Night      (Norwegian composer) Pet Shop Boys - Burning The Heather Petter Eldh - Fanfarum for Komarum II Porridge Radio - Give/Take PREGOBLIN - Combustion Purple Mountains - a. Snow Is Falling In Manhattan    b. All My Happiness Is Gone   c. That’s Just The Way That I Feel Quelle Chris - Obamacare Quinie - Whas At The Windy Rapsody - Ibtihaj   ft. D’Angelo & GZA Reb Fountain - Faster Rian Treanor - ATAXIA_A1 Richard Dawson - Two Halves Robert Stillman - All Are Welcome Róisín Murphy - Incapable Rosalía - Milionària Rosenau & Sanborn - Saturday Rozi Plain - Symmetrical Ruth Garbus - Strash Sam Lee - The Moon Shines Bright   ft. Elizabeth Fraser (of Cocteau Twins) Sam Wilkes - Run Sandro Perri - Soft Landing SAULT - Smile and Go Seabuckthorn - To Which The Rest Were Dreamt serpentwithfeet - Receipts    ft. Ty Dolla $ign Sessa - Flor do Real         (of Brazil) Sheer Mag - Hardly To Blame Shit and Shine - No No No No Sinead O Brien - A Thing You Call Joy Siobhan Wilson - Plastic Grave Six Organs Of Admittance - Two Forms Moving Sleaford Mods - Kebab Spider Slow Meadow - Artificial Algorithm Snowy - EFFED    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) SOAK - Knock Me Off My Feet Solange - Binz Sophie Crawford - A Miner’s Life Squid - Houseplants         bonus. Their cover of Robert Wyatt’s  “PIgs..... In There at End of the Road Festival) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DktZtQbo-YU Stella Donnelly - Old Man SUSS - Ursa Major Swamp Dogg - Sleeping Without You Is A Dragg   ft. Justin Vernon & Jenny Lewis Tami T - Birthday  Tenesha The Wordsmith - Why White Folks Can’t Call Me Nigga Theon Cross - Activate     ft. Moses Boyd & Nubya Garcia Thom Yorke - Dawn Chorus Tierra Whack - Wasteland Tim Hecker - That World Tiny Leaves - Respair Toya Delazy - Funani         (of South Africa) Twain - Death (Or S.F.?) Twin Peaks - Dance Through It Tyler Childers - All Your’n Vagabon - Water Me Down Vampire Weekend - This Life Vanishing Twin - Magicians Success Velvet Negroni - Confetti Vendredi Sur Mer - Chewing-Gum      (of France) Victoria Monét - Ass Like That Vieo Abiungo - Cobble Together Visible Cloaks - Stratum      ft. Yoshio Ojima & Satsuki Shibano Warmduscher - Midnight Dipper Weyes Blood - Andromeda Wilco - Love Is Everywhere (Beware) William Tyler - Our Lady Of The Desert Willie Scott & The Birmingham Spirituals - Keep Your Faith To The Sky     (from a collection of obscure 70′s era gospel on Luaka Bop, “The Time For Peace Is Now - Gospel Music About Us”) Xylouris White - Tree Song Ye Vagabonds - The Foggy Dew Zsela - Noise

[sydney-the-anarchist]

“Kelli, no!”

Kelli’s plan had worked like a dream. They’d stopped the two armored trucks by pretending to be construction workers, then shot out their tires before they could try to flee. The doors had been blown open with C4, and the trucks’ contents were laid bare. 

Several Dingoes were bagging the loot, two were keeping watch, and Kelli was keeping an eye on the six guards that had been pulled from the trucks.

She was pacing back and forth in front of them, enjoying their terror. Eventually, however, even that began to bore her. And then she realized she’d never seen what the bootleg rifle could do up close like this. Wouldn’t that be a sight to see?

She aimed the rifle at one of the guards’ foreheads, grinning beneath her bandana.

The already crying guard began bawling, begging for his life.

Kelli flicked the safety off. Look at him squirm. God, it would be so beautiful...

She was snapped out of it by the voice of one of her fellow Dingos. “Kelli! No!” 

Time seemed to slow down as Kelli looked up towards its source. Noah. He should have fucking known better. 

Without breaking eye contact with Noah, Kelli pulled the trigger. The guard’s body fell to the ground. She fired again. Then she turned her gun on the other guards, spraying them with a burst of full auto. Some of the guards had time to scream, but Kelli finished them all off swiftly.

The Dingos stared in horror as the now blood-splattered Kelli stormed up to Noah, thrusting an accusing finger at his chest. “This is Your. Fault.” 

“How is this my fault?? You mur-”

She cuts him off. “You said my fucking name while we’re on a fucking job, you dumb fucking cunt! Christ, how stupid are you?!”

He has no retort, stunned into silence.

“Now shut the fuck up and grab a bag, or you’ll be next.” She stalked off, leaving Noah standing there stunned.

----------------------

Later, at the hideout. She was counting up their haul. Or attempting to.

Noah was still freaking out. “How are you so calm?! You just killed six people, Kelli! In cold blood!”

“Yeah. And your point is...?” She neatened a stack, then grabbed another handful of cash and started flicking through it.

“Are you serious right now?” he asked incredulously.

“Don’t know what you’re on about, mate. It’s not like we haven’t killed before.” Kelli was smooth and detached, sounding almost bored.

“Yeah, but they had weapons! They were coming after us! These guys had surrendered!”

She rolled her eyes. “God, you’re being such a chickenshit right now. Did you leave your balls in the escape car?”

“Call me a chickenshit all you like, but you’re a fucking psycho. You need help.”

Kelli slammed her fists on the table, jumping to her feet. Everyone else in the room flinched.

“You’re damn right, I need help! I need help counting this fucking money because I can’t keep track of the numbers when fuckwits like you keep interrupting me!”

That shut him up. For a while, at least.

He was silent the entire drive to their shared apartment, only speaking up when she tried pulling him into the bedroom.

Noah said gruffly, “Not in the mood.”

Kelli made an exaggerated pout. “Oh, come on. It’s always the best after jobs; aren’t you happy to be alive?”

He shook his head, looking away. “I... can’t. I close my eyes, and I keep seeing those guards…”

“I know, isn’t it great? One of them almost didn’t have a head anymore! It was fuckin sick!” She clapped her hands once, brimming with gleeful, malevolent sadism. 

She tried to pull him in for a kiss, but Noah staggered back, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. “Stop it. This...this isn’t fun anymore, Kelli. This isn’t what the Dingoes are about.”

“It should be. What a fucking ripper of a day!” She closed her eyes for a moment, still riding that high.

Noah fell silent, horrified.

At his lack of response, frustration entered Kelli’s voice. “What the fuck is your problem? This shit was awesome!”

After a long moment of consideration, Noah spoke again. “We’re done, Kelli. Pack your shit and get out.” His voice is weary, and quiet, but she knows this tone.  He’s actually serious.

Kelli’s jaw dropped. “Wait. Are you kicking me out of the gang, or breaking up with me?” She could handle the latter easily; it was only ever about the physical for her, but the former?

“Both. I never want to see you again.” He interrupted Kelli’s incoming protest. “I’ll give you half my share if you go quietly.”

Kelli huffed angrily, but her greed won out. She nodded. “Fine. But you are gonna see me again. I’ll be in the fucking news.”

He retorted, “Yeah. I’ll be reading your obituary.”

Kelli grabbed a stack of his money in each hand, holding it up to her ears. “What’s that? I can’t hear you over the sound of all this money!” She cackled in his face.

At that childish display, Noah gave up. He retreated into the bathroom, unwilling to face her as she packed up her things.

After some time, he heard footsteps outside the door.

Finally coming down from the rush, Kelli’s voice was emotionless as she mused absently, “You know, there’s nothing stopping me from killing you, taking your entire share, and taking over the gang meself.”

Noah sighed. “You’re crazy, Kelli, but you’re not that far gone.” At least, that’s what he hopes. That’s what he prays.

A minute passes.

And then Kelli walked away.

[holydanced]

     *      —     so this did NOT take long at all  ,  wow  ….. but anyways  ,  hello m’loves im alex  &  i’m on my current bullshit of prolonged - everything and wack intros  !!  i’m 21  ,  my pronouns r she / her  ,  from the incredible tz that is gmt and but have zero  (  0  ) concept of time clearly   &  i like watching tasty vids knowing damn well i’m never making a single dish and other stuff it’s 2 late for me 2 rmbr and list but welcome to my step daughter  ,  shmoke itch queue !! under the read more is 1 / 2 of the intro posts i plan on posting this week with a good batch of my shunts  .  can’t wait 2 get back to ya’ll on plots and connections and hmu if a muse peeks ur unfortunate interest !!

*   SOUTHERN HELL   /   AMANDA WHEELER  :   queen of irony. rich faux post-country gal. a loud homosexual who writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. madly in love with her girlfriend and WILL remind you just in case you forgot. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

*   VEGAN OVERLORD   /   IMOGEN YATES  :   the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the local vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be the devil herself and traumatized everyone she once knew. disgustingly active and accomplishing. 

*   WALMART AVRIL LAVIGNE   /   PRUDENCE ZIMA  :   parents died in a fire when she was a youngin and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cries over dick biweekly. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. loves her pet python to death. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a crashing plane, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor. mild gone girl type cool girl syndrome. 

*   SATAN  ,  BUT IN FRENCH   /   ABEL GAUTIER  :   french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive lifestyle. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. well-suppressed murderous tendencies. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

*   ROSES IN THE TRASH DOT PNG   /   SIMINI GALE  :   [ britney vc ] its me…. against dissociation. token white actress & character in rosie’s show. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. overly dependent and is distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand ups half drunk as a hobby. stable ? don’t know her. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. crying probably.

*   HAPPY MACHINE BROKE   /   CALVIN O’SHEA  :   it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy  &  cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named FREDDIE MERCURY JOHN LENNON BAUMANN ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will NOT hesitate to put his dick back in again ) . wishes he could die.

*   DIVORCED DADS ARE HOT   /   KELLY SCOTT  :   a father who tries™. runs a chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a condition he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his mechanic shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ) .stares into the distance. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is.

*   SLAVGOTH    /   SEBASTIAN MILLER  :   kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’ and being a twilight saga aficionado & a certified dick. runs his lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic & shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks”. you thought it’s one fake bitch in this house but it’s quite literally two.

*   UNCLE SAL WITH THE FACTS    /   SALVATORE PRESLEY  :   a hitman who doesn’t know how to retire. talks. a great father and boyfriend in a long, long, long term relationship. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. don’t call him salvatore, don’t call him anything. knows how to mix drinks and other things. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely and it shows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. family-oriented; has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly.

*   UH HUH ,  THIS MY SHIT ! ALL THE GOTHS STOMP YOUR FEET LIKE THIS !  /   FRED MARLON  :   not-so-local - perky goth -  skater boi. bisexuals wear multiple rings. was a cheerleader and won’t stop spelling shit & chanting since then. advocates for getting your guts stirred safe sex. lucid dreams. criminology major but associates with film majors for some reason. was the employee of the month everywhere he worked. remembers his time in bed, bath and beyond fondly. went to psycho camp when he was twelve. a motherfucking sweedie. actual foot fetish apologist.

*   [ POINTS AT EMPTY CORNER ] AND HERE’S MY GREAT GRANDFATHER, ARMITAGE   /   MARSHA HUNT  :   obsessing over the victorian (gothic) era & death. obsessive, period. interesting family lineage. believes the manor she inherited is haunted (mainly because deaths happened there and up until a certain period in its history, they had their own graveyard within the estate). believes a lot of things that don’t make sense but bear with her. crackhead tendencies. talking is a full body experience. demands your full attention or none of it. allergic to but likes flowers. witchcraft? she’s listening. romantic in the worst way. will teach you how to dance. not entirely here at all. writer_in_the_dark.mp3. heightened senses. rich and doesn’t know what to do with the money. doesn’t trust first impressions. the drunk aunt and the weird cousin. 

*   ( PRETTY ) DAFT BOY  /   JACK LOWELL  :  jackary. handsome_the_vaccines.mp3. vaguely ‘poetic’ instagram captions & private social media accounts made for his mental breakdowns. currently on a “break” from college. lashes out over air. a current equipment bitch to the band he got kicked out of. manipulative and morally on the fence of neutral and his father’s son. isn’t sure if he enabled his sister’s murderous nature on purpose or not. will crash at your place and finish your cereal but still make you breakfast and a cool tune in the morning like the soft, self-absorbed cunt he is. self destructs over one ( 1 ) girl and hangs out with many.

*   THE REASON WHY YOUR CAR RIDES GO THE FUCK OFF  /   NAZARETH NIEVES  :  pouty lesbian. music producer tormenting her record label by being a brat. chronically bored and disgusted. pulls a rihanna and makes close friends off the industry. will bite heads off. selectively decent. is unable to enjoy music from the same genre she produces for. power bottom. brutally killed her dead best friend’s father, hid his body and picked up his youngest daughter from school and took her in her family home; the line of murders in their unsuspecting city ceased conveniently. likes the smell of nail polish.

[xornwaswrong-blog]

Bootlegs!

I would love to trade, but I can gift if you’re new to the bootleg world. I did not film any of these. Please don’t try to “trade” YouTube videos with me. Also, respect NFT dates. If I forgot to include one, please message me nicely and I’ll put it up. Feel free to ask whatever questions you need to ask. If you’re only interested in VOBs, please ask if I have VOBs of what you want, because I have them for a lot of the shows I have, but it’s easier for me to access my mp4s and I may forget.

Abbreviations I use: OBC = Original Broadway Cast OOBC = Original Off Broadway Cast OBRC = Original Broadway Revival Cast NFT = Not For Trade

3 Musketeers with Aaron Tveit

9 to 5 OBC

13 OBC

1776 (1997 Cast)

21 Chump Street

25th Annual Puntnam County Spelling Bee OBC

A Bronx Tale

A Christmas Story OBC

A Gentleman’s Guide to Love and Murder OBC

Aida with Idina Menzel

A New Brain Original Cast

A New Brain Jonathan Groff

Annie Get Your Gun Bernadette Peters

Annie Get Your Gun Megan Hilty

Aladdin OBC

Altar Boyz

Annie OBRC

Anyone Can Whistle Patti Lupone, Michael Cerveris and Audra McDonald (Ravina production)

Anyone Can Whistle Donna Murphy, Raul Esparza and Sutton Foster (Encores Production)

Anything Goes with Stephanie J. Block

American Idiot Broadway

American Psycho OBC

Anastasia Hartford

Anastasia OBC (NFT until Nov. 1)

Avenue Q OBC

Bandstand OBC

Bare the Musical Off Broadway

Bat Boy Kerry Butler

Beauty and the Beast OBC

Blood Brothers 1989 Proshot

Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson Broadway

Book of Mormon OBC

Book of Mormon Nic Rouleau Ben Platt

Book of Mormon London Gavin Creel

Book of Mormon Workshop

Bridges of Madison County OBC

Bright Star Closing Night

Bring It On OBC

Cabaret 1987 (Joel Grey)

Cabaret (Raul Esparza)

Cabaret (Emma Stone)

Cabaret 2014 OBRC

Camelot Richard Burton and Christine Ebersole

Carousel 1994 (Audra McDonald)

Carousel Live from Lincoln Center (Kelli O’Hara, Jessie Mueller)

Carousel (Steven Pasquale Laura Osnes)

Carrie (Off-Broadway)

Catch Me If You Can OBC

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Broadway

Chess in Concert

Chicago OBRC (Ann Reinking, Bebe Newirth)

The Color Purple OBC

The Color Purple OBRC

The Color Purple with Heather Headley

Come From Away OBC

Company in Washington DC (John Barrowman, Alice Ripley)

Company Raul Esparza Proshot

Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime OBC

Dear Evan Hansen OBC

Debbie Does Dallas Sherie Rene Scott

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels OBC

Dog Sees God OOBC

Dogfight OOBC

The Drowsy Chaperone with Bob Saget

Evita OBC (Patti Lupone)

Evita Tour (Raul Esparza)

End of the Rainbow with Tracie Bennet

Equus with Daniel Radcliffe

Falsettos OBC

Falsettos Mandy Patinkin

Falsettos OBRC (2 angles and the proshot rip)

The Frogs Nathan Lane

Fun Home OBC

Fun Home Tour Kate Schindle and Carly Gold

Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum (Nathan Lane revival)

Grey Gardens OBC

Groundhog Day OBC

Guys and Dolls 2009 Revival

Gypsy with Tyne Daly

Gypsy Bette Midler movie

Gypsy with Patti Lupone

Gypsy London proshot

Hair (Encores with Idina Menzel and Jesse Tyler Ferguson)

Hair Actors Benefit Concert (This cast is crazy awesome, PM me for details)

Hairspray OBC

Hairspray OBC conductor cam

Hairspray Aaron Tveit

Hairspray Andrew Rannells

Hairspray OLC

Hamilton OBC

Hamilton OCC

Hamilton Javier Munoz u/s

Hamilton Javier Munoz & Lexi Lawson u/s

Hamilton Act 1 Andrew Rannells

Hand to God (Jim Parsons and Sean Hayes)

Hands on a Hardbody

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

Heathers (understudy Heather Chandler and JD)

Heathers Full OC (bad angle, bad filming, only Act 1)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Off Broadway proshot, JCM

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Andrew Rannells

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Darren Criss

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Jason Cameron Mitchel (Crate Show)

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Taye Diggs

Hedwig and the Angry Inch Lena Hall as Hedwig

Hello Dolly Bette Midler OBRC

Hello Dolly Donna Murphy (NFT until October)

Honeymoon In Vegas

How To Succeed… Daniel Radcliffe

If/Then Jackie Burns

In The Heights OBC

In The Heights Krysta Rodriguez

In The Heights London (a LOT of understudies, though. PM me for details)

Into The Woods 2002 OBC Off-Broadway

Into The Woods Regent’s Park

Into The Woods (Amy Adams, Donna Murphy)

Into the Woods (Heather Headley, Rob McClure)

InTransit Broadway

Jersey Boys with Andrew Rannells

Jesus Christ Superstar Arena Tour proshot

The King and I Donna Murphy

The King and I Kelli O’Hara

The King and I Marin Mazzie

Kinky Boots OBC

Kinky Boots Brendon Urie (starts at Sex is in the Heel)

Kiss Me Kate Rachel York proshot

La Cage aux Folles (both revivals)

Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill

The Last Five Years Norbert Leo Butz and Lauren Kennedy

The Last Five Years OOBC

The Last Five Years Betsy Wolfe Adam Kantor

The Last Five Years Katie Rose Clarke Adam Halpin

Legally Blonde OBC (proshot)

Les Miserables (Sutton Foster as Eponine)

Les Miserables (Drew Sarich as Valjean)

Les Miserables (Lea Salonga as Fantine)

Les Miserables (Kerry Ellis as Fantine)

Les Miserables 2011

Les Miserables Dallas

Les Miserables 2014 OBRC

Les Miserables 10th Anniversary Concert (proshot)

Lightning Thief Concert

Little Foxes (Laura Linney as Regina)

A Little Night Music Bernadette Peters

The Little Mermaid (Broadway, not out of town tryouts)

Little Shop of Horrors Florida Tryouts (Alice Ripley, Hunter Foster, Billy Porter)

Little Shop of Horrors OBC

Little Shop of Horrors Jake Gyllenhaal

Love Never Dies

Man of LaMancha (2002)

Matilda w/Lesli Margarita

Memphis OBC (proshot)

Merrily We Roll Along Raul Esparza

Merrily We Roll Along 2013

Miss Saigon Lea Salonga Will Chase

Miss Saigon London Revival (Proshot)

Miss Saigon London Revival (bootleg)

Miss Saigon Broadway Revival

The Music Man (Robert Sean Leonard and Rebecca Luker)

The Mystery of Edwin Drood (Revival Cast)

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 OBC (two of them, one from December)

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 Scott Sangland

Newsies OBC

Newsies Jeremy Jordan Kara Lindsay (proshot)

Next To Normal OOBC

Next To Normal OBC

Next To Normal OBC (Matinee, VOBs)

Next To Normal 2nd Broadway Preview

Next To Normal Alice Ripley, Jennifer Damiano, & Brian D'Arcy James’ Final Performance

Next To Normal Jessica Phillips & Kyle Dean Massey

On Your Feet OBC 10/17/15

Once OBC

Once with Arthur Darville

Once Upon A Mattress OBRC (Sarah Jessica Parker)

Pacific Overtures OBC (proshot)

Pajama Game Kelli O'Hara Harry Connick Jr.

Parade in Concert (Jeremy Jordan and Laura Benanti)

Parade 2009 LA Production

Passion Patti Lupone 2005 (Lincoln Center)

Pippin Toronto (proshot)

Pippin 2013 OBRC

Pippin with Kyle Dean Massey and Ciara Rene

Phantom of the Opera 25th Anniversary (proshot)

Phantom of the Opera Norm Lewis and Sierra Bogress

The Pirate Queen OBC

The Prom World Premiere

The Producers OBC

Priscilla Queen of the Desert

Ragtime OBC

Reefer Madness OOBC (Kristen Bell)

Rent OBC Opening Night

Rent 10th Anniversary Reunion Concert

Rent Closing Cast with Renee Elise Goldsberry (proshot)

Rent Hollywood Bowl

The Robber Bridegroom (Steven Pasquale)

Rocky OBC (Andy Karl)

Rocky Horror Show OBC (Daphne Rubin-Vega and Joan Jett) [yes, that Joan Jett]

Saved! (Aaron Tveit)

Scarlet Pimpernel

School of Rock OBC

Scotsboro Boys OBC

Secret Garden Concert

Seussical (Rosie O’Donnel)

Side Show OBC

Sister Act OBC

Shuffle Along OBC

Something Rotten OBC

Something Rotten Rob McClure

South Pacific Kelli O’Hara (bootleg)

SpongeBob Musical Chicago Tryout

Spring Awakening Krysta Rodriguez (PM me for details on the understudies)

Spring Awakening Deaf West

Streetcar Named Desire John C. Reilly and Natasha Richardson

Sunday in the Park with George OBRC (Jake Gyllenhaal & Annaleigh Ashford)

Sunset Boulevard 2017 (February 24th)

Sweeney Todd OBC

Sweeney Todd Angela Lansbury proshot

Sweeney Todd 2012 (Imelda Staunton Michael Ball)

Sweeney Todd Concert (Emma Thompson, Christian Borle)

Sweet Charity with Sutton Foster

tick… tick… BOOM OOBC

[title of show]

Thoroughly Modern Millie OBC

Twelfth Night (1998)

Urinetown OBC

Vanya and Sonia and Masha and Spike OBC

Violet OBRC (Sutton Foster)

Waitress OBC

Waitress Sara Barellies

War Paint OCC

War Paint Broadway previews

We Will Rock You (Kerry Ellis)

The Wedding Singer OBC

West Side Story with Karen Olivo OBRC

Wicked OBC previews

Wicked OBC but Taye Diggs is Fiyero

Wicked Kristin Chenoweth’s Last

Wicked Shoshana Bean, Jennifer Laura Thompson, and Joey McIntyre

Wicked Idina’s “Last performance” Joey McIntyre’s last performance (Shoshana Bean, Jennifer Laura Thompson, and Joey McIntyre)

Wicked Julia Murney Broadway

Wicked Victoria Matlock

Wicked Megan Hilty’s Last Broadway Show with Eden

Wicked Eden Espinosa’s Last Broadway Show

Wicked Eden Espinosa and Megan Hilty LA

Wicked Stephanie J. Block and Analeigh Ashford

Wicked Dee Roscoli

Wicked Willemijn Verkaik and Katie Rose Clarke

Wicked Mandy Gonzalez and Andy Karl

Wicked Lili Cooper and Kara Lindsay

Wicked Laurel Harris and Kara Lindsay

Wicked Kerry Ellis

Wicked Jackie Burns (no fly)

Wicked Jackie Burns 2010

Wicked Donna Vivino tour

Wicked Donna Vivino and Ali Mauzey

Wicked Rachel Tucker and Jonah Platt

Wicked Kara Lindsay and Jennifer DiNoia

The Wild Party Encores!

Wonderful Town Donna Murphy

Xanadu OBC

You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown Revival

I haven’t watched all of these yet, so I may have some cast details slightly wrong (understudies and the like). Please PM me for trading. Be sure to follow me.

Wants:

Avenue Q with Rob McClure

Any Carousel I don’t have

Evita with Eden Espinosa (ready to kill to get this)

Last Five Years with Samantha Barks (one of the only audio trades I will accept)

Any Last Five Years I don’t have

Les Mis in general

Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 w/ Oak and/or Ingrid Michaelson once the NFT date passes

Any Natasha Pierre…. I don’t have

Next to Normal Marin Mazzie

Any Rent that I don’t have (especially if it’s with Sherie Rene Scott)

She Loves Me in general (not the 2016 livestream)

Sunset Boulevard in general

Wicked with Susie Mathers

Wicked in general

And generally anything I don’t have

[nealcassatiel]

Whole Lotta Lore and Love (Part 1)

Destiel/SPN Case Fic

Words: 18,400

Set 1 week after the end of the S12 finale

Summary: Jack ran away from the bunker leaving Sam, Dean, and Cas to scour the internet for signs and omens of where he might be. With no luck in finding Jack, Sam finds a case in Pine Creek where victims have turned up tortured or with their brains missing

Content Warning: Mature, sexually explicit, TWs; Graphic violence, torture, death, graphic details of injury.

Themes: Destiel, SPN Case, fluff, smut, horror, SPN lore

If you’ll find it easier to read, I have uploaded the fic onto its own page on my blog which is here

Harrison Baker walked back home from his last day of work with a bouquet of flowers held in one hand, on his way to a living nightmare. The night air in Pine Creek shuddered through the swaying trees, making their boughs claw through the blackness like aged hands grasping for life. The cold burrowed through his thick black coat and suit through to his skin making him shiver as he ascended the steps up to the porch of his house. As he took his keys from his pocket Harrison realised that the front door was already agar. His breath hitched as he quickly glanced around him and slowly pushed the door open.

‘Kelly?’ He shouted into the dark.

Harrison slowly walked over the threshold, dropped the flowers on the table near the door, and turned on the lights. When the hallway was fully lit, he could see a smashed table lamp shattered into pieces of glass and cheap metal on the wooden floor.

‘Kelly!?’ He shouted again, now with a greater sense of panic in his voice. He moved slowly into the living room and noted a picture frame from their wedding smashed on the floor. Harrison could hardly breathe, he moved quickly through the living room and into the open plan kitchen, seeing plates broken on the counter. That’s when he heard the noise from behind him.

 ***

 ‘The brat can’t have gone far, I mean, he knows nothing about this planet. He can’t be more than a few miles from here?’ Dean said in exasperation in between sips from his lukewarm beer.

‘I dunno, Dean.  We still don’t know how powerful he is,’ Sam replied, still checking through local town reports on his laptop.

‘Great,’ Dean replied in monosyllabic sarcasm.

‘Sam’s right. The child holds great power. It would be unwise to underestimate his abilities,’ Cas said with a frown.

They had been looking for Jack for two days now, ever since he escaped the bunker. They all knew he was powerful but he had hardly spoken since he was born at the lake house. After resurrecting Cas, albeit only to a human form, Jack had kept quiet about what he knew as well as his intentions. Cas had continued to have faith in him, as had Sam, although Dean remained wary of him.

‘Well,’ Dean continued in an exasperated tone, ‘Maybe we shouldn’t be searching for omens and looking through crime reports. He’s a teenager after all. Why don’t you check if any golden eyed weirdos have been spotted in the local bowling alleys or malls?’

Sam sighed and ignored his brother, then continued to check through police reports in the surrounding states. ‘Hey, there’s this?’

‘What?’ Dean said, quickly rising from his seat, walking over to Sam and looking over his shoulder at the laptop screen.

‘It’s probably not Jack, but this may be a case?’

The police report was for two missing couples taken from the town of Pine Creek.

‘“Kelly Baker’s body was found with wounds consistent with torture in a car park on Elm and 3rd. Melissa Reed’s body was found two weeks earlier in this same spot with similar injuries. Melissa’s partner’s body, Lucian Krukow had been placed with Kelly’s body. Mr Krukow’s injuries are consistent with being bound at the wrists and ankles. Autopsy report lists severe brain injury as the fatal wound,”’ Dean read out loud. ‘So what? This just sounds like they’ve got some wackos in town. Not our problem.’

‘Yeh, but get this, the autopsy report details that the brain was almost completely gone and that what was left was practically liquid,’ Sam said as he continued to skim read the rest of the report.

Dean sighed, ‘Yeh, OK. But we don’t have time to be taking on cases right now. Our priority is finding Jack.’

‘But Dean,’ Sam said insistently. ‘This town could be in danger?’

‘It’s fine,’ Cas interjected. ‘I’ll go look for Jack. You two can check out this case.’

‘No, Cas,’ Dean said in an exasperated tone, rolling his shoulders and stepping away from Sam. ‘You’re not practised enough to go out on your own.’

‘I assure you that I am perfectly well, Dean.’

‘That’s not what I mean. You’re human now. If anything happens to you, that’s it. Lights out. No fixing yourself with any angel mojo.’

‘I know,’ Cas said, narrowing his eyes and turning to look at Dean. ‘I am aware of my fragile mortality, but last time I checked, that didn’t stop you from putting yourself in danger.’

Dean and Cas stared each other down. Cas knew what Dean meant, but he wasn’t going to sit trapped in this bunker doing nothing just because he was no longer an angel.

Dean continued to glare at him, taking in the fiery emotion behind Cas’s eyes, before huffing out a quick breath and saying. ‘Fine. You go. We’ll check out this case. But if you find Jack, call us.’

‘Of course,’ Cas replied assuredly, before going to his room to pack things for the trip.

 When Cas had left, Sam turned to look at Dean who was staring at the doorway through which Cas had just left.

‘He’ll be fine,’ Sam stated.

Dean sighed and took another swig of beer before dragging his eyes back towards Sam. ‘He shouldn’t be going off alone, he’s not ready.’

Sam shut his laptop and got up, moved passed Dean towards the hallway and said as he left, ‘He’ll be fine. If anything goes wrong, he’ll call us.’

Dean was left alone. He didn’t like the idea of Cas going off by himself, especially to go look for an incredibly powerful Nephilim. Whilst Cas and Sam may be under Jack’s spell, Dean certainly wasn’t. Jack had resurrected Cas, but apart from that the child just seemed plain creepy. His practically silent demeanour and watchful gaze was unsettling, as if he were thinking through nefarious plans whilst sat in silent observance. Dean took one final swig of beer before heading off to his room, trying to shrug off the unease fully weighing down on his shoulders.

 ***

 ‘I’m Agent Watts, this is my partner Agent Star, we’re here to see the bodies of Melissa Reed, Kelly Baker, and Lucian Krukow,’ Dean said as he and Sam held up their fake FBI badges for the local police sheriff to view.

Sheriff Mark Handler glanced briefly at the badges before turning and waving to the agents to follow him.

‘Nasty business, this. Never seen anything like it, poor souls,’ Sheriff Handler said with a sigh as he walked towards the autopsy room. ‘I knew Kelly and Harrison, lovely couple,’ he continued sadly, lost in thoughts of summer barbeques spent with the couple and beers in the local bar with Harrison.

‘Harrison Baker is still missing, right?’ Sam said as they were shown into the autopsy room, the heavy metal doors swinging shut behind them.

‘Yeh. Gone about 6 days now. After what happened to Lucian Krukow, I ain’t holding out much hope for Harrison.’

‘Sheriff,’ Dean said, abruptly cutting off the Sheriff’s thoughts of his dear friends and this recent tragedy, ‘Is there anyone who would want to harm them? Or a common enemy they might have with Ms Reed and Mr Krukow?’

‘Enemy?’ the Sheriff replied in shock. ‘No, no, there ain’t no one in this town who would have a bad word to say about the Bakers, or the other couple for that matter. No… They were good people, you know.’

‘And there’s no chance that Mr Baker is a suspect in Mrs Baker’s murder?’ Sam asked.

The Sheriff turned to glare at Sam, before schooling his gaze into stern professionalism.

‘No chance. Never seen a man more in love in my life. There ain’t no way he had anything to do with this. I reckon we got a town psycho amongst us.’

‘OK. Thanks Sheriff,’ Sam said, giving the man a sympathetic look.

The Sheriff glanced briefly around the coldly lit room, sniffed, stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed out, letting the agents know that he would be upstairs if they had any more questions.

 Sam and Dean walked over to the wall of cold metal boxes, pulled out the shelf on which Kelly Baker was laid, and threw back the thin, light-blue cotton sheet rested on top of her body.

‘Yikes,’ Dean said, grimacing at the deep cuts carved over her entire body. One of her eyes had been gauged out, most of her teeth had been pulled, and her skin was covered in so many gashes that it was barely recognisable as a human body. Both the wrists and ankles had deep rope burns, now turned a dark hue of purple that juxtaposed the cold white skin of the corpse.

‘What are you thinking?’ Sam said as he moved slowly around the body, ‘torture?’

Sam handed Dean a pair of blue latex gloves, and took a pair for himself to put on. Dean bent down to further examine the body, being reminded of his years in hell and the things he’d done over his time as a hunter. ‘Yeh. Looks like it.’

Sam glanced over at his brother, noting Deans uncomfortable demeanour and remembering why he might feel particularly uncomfortable seeing such wounds. Sam covered the corpse, rolled the shelf back into the wall and slammed the metal door shut.

Next he rolled out Melissa Reed’s body which bore almost exactly the same injuries as Kelly Baker’s. After briefly examining the cadaver, Sam brought out Lucian Krukow’s body. Mr Krukow had identical marks on his wrists and ankles from rope burn, but apart from that, his skin looked clear of all other injuries. Sam walked over to the desk in the room and found the autopsy report for all three victims, opening to the page of Mr Krukow’s report.

‘So, here it says that he has wounds consistent with being bound at the hands and feet, he has a non-fatal head wound consistent with being hit by a blunt object, and get this, ninety-five per cent of his brain is missing, and the five per cent that’s left is liquefied. The only other injury is a small puncture wound through his skull,’ Sam said, outlining the report and then handing the folder over to Dean.

Dean skim-read the report, then bent down towards the body to examine the head. The hair had been shaved and his skull had been sawed around the circumference of his head. Dean looked closely at the small hole that burrowed through to the brain and sighed, then gently removed the upper part of his skull to show empty stern-white bone with a purple gloop at the base of the head.

Dean retched and turned his head away from the opened head, lifting one gloved hand towards his grimacing face. ‘You ever seen anything like this?’ he asked Sam.

Sam shook his head and said in confusion, ‘No… Any idea what we’re dealing with?’

Dean stood up, shook his head, and quickly removed the latex gloves. ‘No. I got nada.’

Sam frowned, crossed his arms and stared down at the body. ‘I don’t get it? The others died from blood loss. Why kill them one way and him another?’

‘Maybe it needed information from them?’ Dean replied.

Sam pondered over the case for a moment before saying, ‘I dunno, Dean. It just doesn’t make much sense.’

 ***

 The air was thick with dreary clouds in the suburban outskirts of Pine Creek. There was a light drizzle which pattered on Sam and Dean’s black suits as they walked up the few steps to the Baker’s house. They flashed their FBI badges at the officer stationed outside the house and entered the crime scene. They surveyed the smashed lamp, the flowers scattered on the floor by the door, then moved through the living room and into the kitchen.

‘You guys find anything?’ Sam said to a cop who was jotting down notes in the kitchen.

‘Nope, nothing much. Looks like a classic case of a B n’ E. Intruder kicks in the door, there’s a clear sign of struggle. Our guess is they took Mrs Baker, husband returns from work, then they grab him,’ the cop told them whilst continuing to write various notes on the small notepad.

‘Any witnesses?’ Dean asked as he glanced around the room trying to find clues as to what took the couple.

‘None. And none for the similar case last week. Neighbours didn’t see a thing.’

‘Super,’ Dean responded sarcastically under his breath.

Sam and Dean continued to walk round the house, then headed upstairs to check for any EMF.

When the EMF reader showed no signs of any readings, Sam turned to Dean, ‘So, what do you think? No EMF reading. No smell of sulphur. We can rule out demons or ghosts.’

‘Yeh… I got nothing’ Dean sighed, ‘We should hit the lore when we get back to-’

‘Agents,’ the Sheriff said as he rounded the corner of the upstairs hallway. ‘Heard y’all were here. I just got a call in saying Harrison’s body’s been found in a park to the east of town on Parker and 15th. Meet you guys there?’

‘Sure thing,’ Sam replied as he watched the Sheriff hurry back down the hallway.

 ***

 Sam and Dean checked out the newly found body of Harrison Baker, sprawled out on the mud in the park. It had the same injuries as Lucian Krukow; rope burns on the wrists and ankles and a puncture mark at the top of his head.

‘How much do you bet his brain’s gone walk about?’ Dean said as he towered over the limp body that lay in the dirt below him.

‘OK, so we’ve got two couples dead. One has been tortured, and the other’s brain has been liquefied and sucked out through their skull… Hey, what about a wraith, like the one in Oklahoma? The puncture marks are similar?’ Sam said.

‘Yeh, but why would a wraith be torturing the other two? And as far as we know the vics didn’t have a case of the crazies?’

Sam furrowed his brown and glanced around the desolate park with houses on one side, and a forest on the other. ‘They must have known something the monster needed to torture them for. It just doesn’t make sense that it didn’t liquefy all of the brains,’ Sam wondered out loud.

The Sheriff slowly walked up beside them and stared down forlornly at his friend’s lifeless body. ‘He was a good man,’ he said quietly.

‘And you’re sure they didn’t have any enemies? Or they weren’t mixed up in some stuff?’ Sam asked.

‘Like I said, they were good folks. Ain’t no one who’d want to do them any harm.’

Sam patted the Sheriff’s arm and gave his condolences before he and Dean returned to the impala, deep in thought.

 ***

 Sam and Dean checked into the nearest motel, a dirty and dishevelled place with a broken buzzing vacancy light and sparse cars in the driveway. They specifically asked for the ground floor room nearest the fire escape, collected their keys, and went through the old hat routine of chucking their bags of clothes and weapons onto the king sized beds in the room. Dean sat down on the edge of a bed and started a weapons check whilst Sam sat at the small table at the side of the room, opened his laptop and started searching for lore on whatever they were hunting.

As Dean removed and reassembled the barrels, slides, and magazines of the guns, Sam searched for monsters that kill victims differently, monsters that suck out brains, and monsters with a flair for torture.

‘Find anything?’ Dean asked Sam as he got out an old, dirty cloth to clean out the gun barrels.

‘No. Nothing yet,’ Sam replied as he continued to scroll through pages of lore.

‘Maybe it’s not just one thing? Like those Jefferson Starships?’

Sam rolled his eyes at the sound of that god awful monster name. ‘Not likely. There were no other… weird injuries apart from the brain stuff. And I doubt those….’

‘-Jefferson Starships,’ Dean interjected with a grin.

Sam sighed and continued disgruntledly, ‘those… Jefferson Starships even exist anymore.’

Dean huffed out a quick breath and nodded slightly in agreement. ‘OK, so we’re back to square one.’ Dean sighed yet again as he placed the guns he’d cleaned back in his dark green duffle bag. ‘Why can’t cases be goddamn simple anymore,’ he said under his breath. ‘You know, the longer we’re working this case the longer Cas is out there searching for the devil child… alone.’

‘He’ll be fine, Dean. Chances are that he won’t even find the kid. And anyway, even if he does, I doubt Jack would’ve resurrected him only to kill him a week later.’

‘I dunno, man. I don’t trust him,’ Dean said as images flashed through his mind of Jack killing Cas in varying horrific ways.

After a pause Sam asked, ‘Have you heard from him?’ briefly glancing over at Dean who was now staring at his phone.

‘Who?’

‘Cas.’

‘No,’ Dean said as he opened his phone and checked for the billionth time that day to see if there were any messages or missed calls.

Sam stared at his brother. It was obvious that Dean was worried despite his attempts to pretend he wasn’t. Cas had only been dead for less than a day before Jack brought him back, but practically that entire time Dean had watched over his body. Sam swore he had seen Dean praying most of that time, and when Sam suggested that they burn the body Dean had angrily told him no, and that they would find a way to bring him back. With their mum trapped in the parallel world and Cas dead, Dean hadn’t coped. But rather than hit the whisky, Dean had just sat in the dirt in complete silence, the vision of an utterly broken man. Now that Cas was back, Sam could see that those long hours of watching over Cas’s dead body still haunted Dean. Sam understood why Dean was so worried, but trying to break through Dean’s façade to actually try and talk to him about his emotions wasn’t going to happen.

‘Maybe you should just call him?’ Sam asked.

‘No. You’re right, he’s probably fine,’ Dean said as he continued to glare at his phone as if he could make it ring just by staring at it.

Sam heavily sighed in annoyance at his brother’s complete inability to navigate his emotions in a healthy manner. ‘Dean, just call him. Anyway, it’d be good to know if he’s made any progress.’

Dean could hardly argue with that. And if he was calling to check up on Cas’s progress finding Jack, that was a good excuse to call him just to check up on the newly human idiot.

‘Fine. You continue finding whatever the hell we’re looking for, and I’ll call Cas,’ Dean said as he got up and headed out the motel room door.

 It was dark outside. The sidewalk was dimly lit by faint lights behind the cheap curtains of the motel rooms. The sound of sporadic passing cars on the nearby road and the wind through the rain soaked trees were the only sounds Dean could hear. He paced up and down the concrete path, spinning his phone between his fingers whilst building up the courage to call Cas. Why was he even calling? Cas said that if he ran into any trouble he’d call. So what was the point in this phone call? Sure, Cas was human now, but he used to be a very capable angel. And despite losing his powers Dean was certain he could hold his ground in a fight… but could he win if he was up against Jack? Probably not was Dean’s best guess. And the damn idiot was way too trusting of the kid. What if Jack changed his mind about wanting Cas around and beat the utter crap out of him, or worse, nuked his ass into the afterlife… and Dean was the one who OKed Cas’s solo mission to find the kid… it would be on him if anything happened to the son of a bitch…

Dean hurriedly dialled Cas’s number and lifted the phone to his ear. He only heard it ring out twice before there was a noise from behind him and everything faded to black.

 ***

 Dean woke up in a dishevelled room, almost cave-like. It had the cold damp feeling of a basement and the walls were made from wooden slats. As he regained consciousness he realised that he was sat on a metal chair, his hands were tied tightly with thick rope behind his back, and his ankles were tied to the front chair legs. Dean struggled but to no avail. When he couldn’t free himself, he looked around the room, trying to search for whatever had caught him. He could feel a dull pain at the back of his head and assumed he’d been knocked out and dragged to wherever the hell he was now.

‘You’re awake. Perfect!’ said a menacing female voice from behind him. He heard footsteps walk up to him, and then a slight woman with long blonde hair came into view. She looked completely human, except her eyes had the wild evil stare Dean had only ever seen in monsters.

‘You’re gonna regret this,’ Dean hissed at her, narrowing his eyes and staring her down.

‘Am I?’ she said with a smile, ‘You’re the one tied up, honey. You better start talking to me with respect.’

‘Trust me, lady. You’ve picked the wrong guy to pick on this time,’ Dean snarled at her as he surreptitiously tried to untie his hands - unsuccessfully.

‘Oh,’ she replied in feigned surprise, ‘I know you’re a hunter. I’ve seen you and your brother sticking your nose in around here, so this is going to be particularly fun.’

Dean needed more time to try to untie his hands, he needed to keep the bitch talking. He didn’t know how long he’d been out cold, so the longer he managed to stall her, the longer Sammy had to get his ass over here and free him.

‘So what are you then? Some sick bastard who likes dinner with a side of torture?’

‘You didn’t work out what I am?’ she replied, that evil smile still plastered over her smug face. ‘Hmmmm, well, let me give you a clue. You bastards killed my cousin a few years ago in Oklahoma.’

‘You’re a wraith?’

‘Bingo!’ she replied, cackling.

‘So what’s with the Guantanamo Bay act? Those people know something you don’t or did you get bored of just sucking out people’s brains?’

The monster stepped quickly towards Dean and placed her hands on the armrests of the chair, leaning her head towards him and sniffing the beads of sweat that dripped down his face. ‘My dearly departed cousin liked the crazy brains,’ she snarled in a whisper at him. ‘Me, well, my kind prefer love and grief.’

The wraith then stepped back and moved over to a table at the side of the room that Dean hadn’t noticed till now. On top of the table was an assortment of knives, wrenches, and hammers. She picked up a small, sharp knife and moved back to stand in front of him.

‘You see,’ she continued, spinning the knife in one hand so that the glint of a single light above her shined on the blade, ‘love-soaked brains are simply delicious… but what’s even more tasty is love and grief. Mmmmmm, that mix is simply scrumptious. Can’t get anything tastier!’

‘So what, you steal couples and feed off one? Why not both?’ Dean asked, still failing at loosening the ropes behind his back. Goddammit this evil bitch had tied him up tight.

‘Well, you see, you gotta ramp up the love and grief before you eat them. You gotta let the suckers cook a bit before their ready,’ she replied then stopped to laugh before continuing, ‘See, I take them both, then torture one in front of the other. Floods the watcher’s brain with all kinds of delicious chemicals. Mmm mmm mmmmmm. They scream and cry as their lover’s cut into tiny little pieces. They beg me to kill them and let their darling sweetheart go. And when they’ve seen their true love killed slowly and oh so painfully, I let them stew in their grief until they’re ripe! And the dead one… well, let’s just say that a tortured brain has a bit of a sour taste.’ The wraith scrunched up her face as she looked off into the distance, presumably remembering a past meal that didn’t taste up to her standards. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, ‘I’m looking forward to you. Revenge for my family and a hunter whose brain is soaked in love… you’re a rare meal. You know, most hunters I’ve found haven’t even got a whiff of love about them. No good to me. I normally just kill them and be done with it… but you… oooohhhh, I can smell the love and lust in your sweat. I’m really really going to enjoy this!’

‘If you’ve done anything to Sam I’ll kill you,’ Dean snarled at her.

‘Sam?’ she said with faint shock, ‘That’s your brother, right? No, no, no. Familial love is... how do I put it… not my cup of tea… the brains taste a bit… flavourless.’

‘Well then,’ Dean said, slightly confused, ‘you aren’t going to like me. Might as well just let me go,’ he said with forced humour.

The monster lifted one of her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes at him before an evil smirk played across her face. ‘Ooohhhhhh, this really is going to be incredibly fun.’

 ***

 Dean was gone. When he hadn’t returned from calling Cas, Sam had called him, only to hear the classic rock ringtone coming from outside the motel room door. Sam went out to find Dean’s phone abandoned and ringing on the concrete slabs. Sam shouted for his brother, but already knew that it was too late.

He rushed back to his laptop and cursed, still not being able to work out what had killed those other people, and had now taken his brother. There must be something he was missing? Disheartened he grabbed his laptop and stuffed it in a bag with some guns and knives, then ran out to the impala.

 Sam reached the house of Lucian Krukow and Melissa Reed in a few minutes. He ran up the steps into the house and quickly unpicked the door. Switching on the lights he saw that the house was in a similar state to the Baker’s house he’d visited yesterday. A lamp was smashed on the floor, a coffee table was upturned, and there was a bouquet of flowers forlornly dropped on the floor. Sam quickly glanced around, trying to see if there was something he missed… wait… weren’t there flowers on the floor of the Baker’s house? Sam spun back around, bent down and looked at them. They were yellow primrose flowers. Weren’t the other flowers primroses too, he was sure that they were dainty yellow flowers that seemed to small and wild to be given to someone in a bouquet? Sam ran over to the dining room table and grabbed his laptop out of his bag, opened it and quickly typing the passcode in. ‘Primrose. Brains. Liquefied brains’ he typed into the search bar. What else? The monster was only taking couples. Maybe it had nothing to do with information but something to do with the fact that they were couples. Sam then typed ‘love’ onto the end of his search and pressed ‘enter.’ He skim-read the searches until he saw a link and clicked on it. It was a page about ancient Nordic lore, and detailed information about an Elsker Spøkelse. They were types of wraith who would lure couples into woodlands by covering the land in flowers, usually primrose, known as ‘kusymre’ in Norwegian. The couples would go on walks into the woods and the wraith would kill one lover, leaving the other in deep grief before eating their brain. Sam then searched for where these wraiths would take their victims and found that they lived in caves in the woodlands, normally by the waterfalls found in Norway. Caves… water, where would there be caves in small-town America? Sam remembered the woodland by the park where Mr Baker’s body had been found. He then searched for maps of the woodland and... bingo.

 ***

 Dean continued to struggle with the ropes that tied his hands behind him as the wraith inspected the various torture implements on the table. Sam still hadn’t arrived to beat the crap out of this thing, and if he was being honest with himself, Dean was getting worried.

‘You know, I normally just go for requited love. Want to know my secret? Want to know how clever little me finds the best steak in town?’

‘No. Not really,’ Dean replied with a smile that barely hid the ferocious anger underneath.

‘It’s the flowers,’ the wraith continued. ‘See, back in the old days all I had to do was litter the forest floors with beautiful little flowers and the lovers would walk right into my arms on their romantic walks. Now, all I get is the rare annoying solo hiker,’ she said sourly. ‘And then, I set up a flower shop! See, flowers are good for two things, for confessing your love or your guilt. It takes me about a second to work out which one, and then there are the weekly visits from the truly devoted. Mmmmm, they walk into my shop every week and hand over their addresses and names and they’re dead after the second visit.’ She paused to giggle in congratulations at her own evil plans. ‘Good, isn’t it? But, you know,’ the wraith said as she picked up a knife and tested its sharp edge on her palm, ‘I still remember one of my tastiest meals. A few years ago I found this college kid. I could smell the love and lust from a mile off. Turns out he was deeply in love with this girl, so I took them both. So he wakes up here and I bring in his girl and he starts crying, begging me to let them go. She wakes up and asks who he is!’ The wraith started laughing at this point, before the evil cackles died down and she continued with her morbid story. ‘It turns out, she was just some girl from a class he was in, she didn’t even know his name! Now, I thought all this effort I’d put in to carving her up was for nothing, but then when I sucked out his brain it was one of the sweetest I’ve ever had! Mmmmmm, the unrequited love, the unresolved lust, the pining and ohhhh, turns out, the flavour of that love, of that pain was one of the most wonderful meals I’ve ever had!’

‘As I said, lady, I’m dead inside. So unless you want a brain like stale bread, you’re gonna want to let me go,’ Dean responded.

‘Oh,’ the wraith said, still twirling a sharp knife in one hand then looking right at him with a smirk, ‘We both know that’s not exactly true.’ She then walked up to him, pressed her face close to his and licked one of the beads of sweat that was dripping down his cheek, causing Dean to pull his head as far away as he could with a grimace.

‘Mmmmm. I can taste the longing, you know. The deep seated passion pushed way way down. I could smell it a mile off. It’s so strong it took me less than a minute to track down your weakness,’ she said as she walked out of the room and out of view.

Now that she was out of sight, Dean struggled harder with the ropes. Goddammit they were tight. Sammy still hadn’t arrived and Dean was panicking. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to stall. And another question that had been troubling Dean was, who was this mystery woman he’s apparently been lusting over? Was it Lisa? He hadn’t thought of Lisa in years? Maybe she was lying about Sam and she wasn’t too fussed about brotherly love? That would explain why the idiot hadn’t come to save his ass yet… There was someone else… but Dean pushed that thought all the way to the back of his mind. Anyway, it was probably Lisa, who else could it be? God, when he got free he was going to enjoy killing this son of a bitch.

Dean’s train of thought was broken as he heard a clanking sound from outside, and then the wraith entered the cold, dark room with another metal chair, its steel stained with old blood. She placed it a couple of metres in front of him, smiled at him, then left the room again, allowing Dean to continue with all his might to free himself.

He then heard the all too familiar sound of a door opening and a heavy, dead weight being dragged into the room. She appeared again, holding onto and sliding a body in her wake. Dean inhaled sharply as a dull pain hit him in his stomach. If he was being honest with himself, he’d seen this coming. Still, it was hard to be confronted with any of this. He started struggling with the ropes more as panic seared through his body. His heartbeat was going at a million miles an hour and his chest was tight with agony.

The wraith lifted the body easily onto the chair, as though it were the weight of a feather. She then grabbed some rope from nearby and tied the ankles to the chair, and the hands behind the chair. When she had finished tying the tight knots, she turned to look at Dean with a maniacal grin. She took in his fright, his emotional pain, the look of fear and helplessness smeared over his pretty face and laughed, ‘Oh, this really is going to be so very fun!’

 ***

 Sam drove the impala at breakneck speed through the town, zooming through the red glares of traffic lights on the dark suburban streets. The impala hissed and screeched round corners until it skidded to a stop by the park where the last body was found. Sam shut off the car and ran to the trunk to grab everything silver he could get his hands on; silver knives which he stuffed in his pants, a gun and all the silver bullets available. He slammed the trunk shut and jammed the bullets into the gun as he ran off into the ominous woods.

 ***

 ‘There’s no point struggling, sweetie. I’ve done those knots especially tight for you,’ the wraith sneered at Dean.

Continuously trying to free himself had zapped Dean of most of his energy. He slumped over in the chair for a moment to catch his breath, then felt the clammy hand of the monster jam his chin up.

‘You’re going to want to watch this,’ she sniggered at him, then turned around, knife in hand, ready to start her sick torture routine.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted at the collapsed body in front of him.

Cas was still knocked out, wilting over his own limbs that were tied to the chair. He looked so fragile, which further reminded Dean that Cas was no longer an angel. He could really die this time. Dean continued to struggle as he felt tears prickle at his eyes. He wasn’t going to let Cas die, again. Not on his watch, and not because of him.

The wraith bent down to stare at Cas’s slumped head, ran the knife along his jaw, and sniffed at his face.

‘Hmmm, smells different this one… not quite human,’ she murmured to herself. She licked his cheek and said, ‘Oooohhhhh, there is a touch of the… angelic about him. But…’ she licked his face again and swished her tongue around her mouth trying to work out the exact taste, ‘Oh… he’s mortal… he’s… human!’ She spun round to look at Dean with a smile, ‘Fall for an angel, did we? How… adorable!’ The wraith almost skipped towards Dean and said, ‘Does he know? Does he know all about the wanting, the lust… the… how do I put it… utter devotion?’

Dean spat in her face and said, quietly yet menacingly, ‘I think all that brain guzzling has turned you crazy.’

‘Well then, I’m just going to have to test out my theory then,’ she said, then rushed towards Cas, lifted the knife into the air and jammed it down through his foot. It sunk deep through his black shoe and spat out blood through the leather. Cas awoke screaming in pain. The agony was so strong that he could hardly catch his breath and once his cries had subsided he gulped for oxygen in the cold, damp air.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted at him, his whole body struggling against the rope, yet to no avail. ‘Cas!’

The wraith grabbed another knife from the table, moved closer to Dean, and stared into his eyes.

‘See,’ she said, taking in the torment behind his eyes, ‘Told you I wasn’t wrong.’

‘Dean,’ Cas painfully gasped. His head rolled like a heavy weight on his neck, his drooping eyes trying to focus on the man in front of him. Cas tried with lacklustre to free himself, but the scorching pain from his foot and the deep, dull pain in his head had sapped him of all energy. He let out a few grunts in pain before his head sunk down once again.

‘Cas! Hang in there, buddy!’ Dean shouted. ‘I swear to God,’ he spat at the wraith, ‘I will kill you even if it’s the last thing I do.’

The wraith moved even closer towards him and whispered, ‘I’d like to see you try.’ The monster then paced towards Cas, grabbed the front of his shirt and sliced down the middle, sending white buttons shooting off across the room. ‘Now… where shall we starts,’ she teased as she moved the knife up Cas’s bare chest. She then quickly sliced a gash across his left ribs, causing Cas to wake and scream again at the pain.

‘Dean,’ Cas whimpered, his eyes glazed over and his body limp.

The monster then cut another gash over his collar bone and punched him with a powerful hook across his face, leaving him drooling blood. The monster laughed and then returned to face Dean. Standing close enough to him that Cas couldn’t hear her words.

‘You know,’ she snarled at Dean, ‘I could tell you now whether he loves you back,’ she said with a smile.

‘Go to hell,’ Dean hissed at her.

‘I admire your commitment to your self-hated,’ she laughed at him. ‘Anyway,’ she sighed, ‘I wouldn’t tell you anyway. It’s more… fun letting you both die never finding out.’

Dean felt helpless, hopeless, and broken. His arms seared with pain after trying to untie the knots behind him. His wrists burned from the tight ropes. He watched as the wraith returned towards Cas and started caressing his skin with the sharp knife, leaving trails of bright red blood behind each careful swoop of the blade. Cas screamed and whimpered, writhing in agony in the chair. Dean could feel tears cascading in silence down his cheeks as he realised that all he could do was watch. The monster started humming to herself, then returned to the table at the side to select a new implement, her thin fingers caressing each horrific instrument as she mused over what to use next. With the monster out of the way, Dean could now fully see Cas. Could see the blood and the agony in his eyes. Cas looked up, and looked right into Dean’s eyes. The expression they shared at that moment, when both of them realised that they may not be making it out of this alive, broke them.

 Suddenly there was a sound at the door. The wraith span around quickly, picked up a large knife from the table, and walked slowly towards the door.

 Sam stood pressed up against the wall by the door. He had kicked it and could now hear something slowly moving towards it on the other side. He held a gun in his right hand, and in his left a silver knife. The sound of footsteps stopped just before the door, then he heard click of the handle turning, then the door was pushed open slowly with a creak. Sam stayed where he was, pushing his whole body as far back against the wooden wall as he possibly could. He saw the profile of a woman peer out through the door, then he spun round and shot at her. She moved back quickly, dodging the bullet as Sam followed her into the dark, damp room.

‘Sammy!’ He heard Dean shout, but he didn’t look. He kept his eyes firmly on the wraith. She ran at him, he shot a few more times, but this spryly bitch ducked and dodged every goddam bullet. She grabbed at the gun and flung it from his hand, but he circled his left hand around and managed to catch her with the knife, causing her to scream and stumble backwards. He switched the knife into his right hand, and moved towards her as she held her side which was giving off steam as though her skin was burning beneath the slashed fabric. She shrieked and rushed at him again with the knife, but he caught her arm with his left hand, her catching his knife-holding arm with her left, they stood locked in the position until she spun Sam around and threw him to the other side of the room. As she ran at him, Sam quickly took out a spare gun from his pants and shot at her 5 times in the chest. He body convulsed with each shot, her face stuck in an expression of shock as she slowly continued to try to step forwards, before her entire torso started burning. She screamed in utter pain as she fell face first onto the cold ground, the bullet exit wounds on her back spitting out bubbling blood.

Sam realised he was breathing intensely, his arms still held onto the gun and locked in front of him. His breathing calmed and he slowly put the gun down, then looked around the room to see Cas and Dean tied to chairs. He got up and stowed the gun back in his pants, grabbed his silver knife from the floor, then cut the ropes behind Dean’s back and on his legs. Sam then ran over to Cas, knelt behind him and cut all of his ropes. Cas was still slumped forwards, seemingly unresponsive.

‘Cas! Cas!’ Dean said, as he knelt in front of him, then patted his cheek to try and wake him.

Cas grunted, and slowly opened his eyes, carefully lifting his head to see Dean in front of him.

‘Dean,’ Cas choked out.

‘It’s OK Cas, we got you,’ Dean said, standing up and pulling Cas up off the chair, and draping his arm over his own shoulder.

‘You guys OK?’ Sam asked, taking Cas’s other arm and helping Dean to carry him out.

‘We’re fine. Let’s just get out of here,’ Dean said as he and Sam pulled Cas’s stumbling body out.

 ***

 Sam and Dean helped to carry Cas out of the woods and to the impala. They lay him down on the back seats then chucked their weapons into the trunk, got in the car, and drove off.

They sat in silence for a few miles. Sam was driving whilst Dean sat in the passenger’s seat, stretching out his fingers and rolling his wrists to try and dissipate the pain from being tied up.

‘How’s he doing?’ Sam asked.

Dean turned round to glance at Cas who was still passed out on the back seat. ‘We should get him to the nearest hospital,’ Dean said. He noticed that Cas had started shivering, his arms cradled up against his body, his chest still bare from when the wraith had cut his shirt. Dean could see small trails of blood dripping down his body and onto the interior leather of the car.

‘Cas! Hey, Cas!’ Dean shouted at him, then turned around as far as he could to try and shake him. Despite his attempt, Cas didn’t wake. ‘Stop the car, Sam!’

Sam quickly swerved off the road, and slammed on the brakes. Dean got out, ran to the back and got in next to Cas, shutting the door behind him. ‘Sam! Hospital! Drive!’ he shouted, then pulled Cas up into a sitting position so that his back was resting on the opposite passenger door. Dean lifted Cas’s injured foot up into his lap, and saw that a heck of a lot of blood was continuing to drip down from below the sole. Dean hurriedly took off his jacket, and then shirt, then tentatively removed Cas’s shoe, causing him to wake and scream in pain.

‘It’s OK, Cas. We’re getting you to a hospital!’

Cas murmured something unintelligible before he passed out of consciousness. Dean peeled off Cas’s sock, revealing a deep knife wound that bore all the way through his foot. Dean tore off a section of his shirt and tightly wrapped it around the injury, holding the bandage down with his hands. Sam was driving at the speed of lightening, he’d got out his phone and was following GPS to the nearest ER, spinning the car round corners and cutting red lights.

‘Dean,’ Cas said quietly. Dean looked up at the bruised and dishevelled man in front of him, in a torn black suit and muddy trench coat, his white shirt open and stained with thick blood. Cas tried to move but winced in pain and collapsed back again.

‘It’s OK, buddy. We got you, you just hold on till we get to the ER,’ Dean said, then scooted further forwards towards Cas, still holding his bandaged foot in one hand, and then reaching over to check his chest wounds with the other. They all looked not too deep. The one across his ribs would probably need stiches, but he was undoubtedly going to be fine. Cas grabbed onto Dean’s hand that was holding onto his open shirt. Cas wrapped his fingers tightly around Dean’s palm, gripping onto his hand as though this was his only anchor to the conscious world. Cas’s head was thrown back, his face grimacing in pain.

Dean stared down at their hands clasped together.

‘It’s OK,’ Dean said quietly in a husky voice. ‘I got you,’ he continued, squeezing Cas’s hand.

 ***

 Sam and Dean helped Cas into the ER and waited with him for various doctors to examine his injuries and bandage his wounds. They told all the doctors their fictitious story of how Cas was injured with complete conviction. Cas’s foot was tightly bandaged and put in a cast that reached halfway up his thigh. Five hours after entering the hospital, Cas was free to go and left on crutches, high on codeine, and with more pain killers in his coat pocket.

Cas fell asleep almost immediately when they started their drive back to the bunker, leaving Sam and Dean to sit in silence.

‘How you holding up?’ Sam asked.

‘Erm… fine, I guess.’

Sam paused before continuing, wondering how to phrase what he needed to say. ‘It’s not your fault, Dean.’

‘Who said it was?’ Dean replied accusatorily.

Sam sighed in frustration. ‘Look, I can tell that you’re blaming yourself for this.’

‘And why should I not?’ Dean shot back angrily, still staring at the open road in front of him. ‘I let Cas go off on his own. I got complacent and got kidnapped by a freakin’ wraith. And because of that, Cas almost got killed, AGAIN. This… all of this is on me.’

‘No, Dean. It’s not,’ Sam said sympathetically. ‘I was fine with Cas going off by himself. And I was meant to have your back… If you’re blaming yourself, you’re gonna have to blame me too.’

Dean turned towards the passenger seat window and stared out at the dark fields flying by them. He needed to change the conversation so said, ‘So, did you find out what that thing was?’

‘A wraith.’

‘Yeh, but we ganked a wraith back in Oklahoma. This one… seemed different,’ Dean said. Dean had got enough info on the wraith that he knew that with a bit of searching he could find out what exact type of wraith it was. The question was, did Sam know?

‘Erm…’ Sam said. He did know the exact type of wraith it was, but if he told Dean would he be opening a can of worms that his brother couldn’t deal with yet? But if he didn’t let Dean know, then how would he explain being able to find them? And if he didn’t say now, Dean would just try and find out what it was back at the bunker… Maybe this was a good chance to have those discussions they had never had… ‘It was an Elsker wraith.’

‘Ek.. Elsk what?’

‘Elsker. It… It feeds off the brains of people… in love,’ Sam said hesitantly.

Dean shuffled in his seat. OK. So Sam did know, great. ‘Makes sense,’ Dean said.

Sam blinked in shock. Well… that went down better than he’d thought it would.

Dean continued, ‘The wraith said it took people that the vic… well… cares about, you know. And you and Cas are like family to me, and why take you, right? Would’ve been pretty stupid to try and kill two hunters in one go,’ Dean said, then briefly glanced at Sam to see whether he was buying any of this.

Sam sighed. OK, so maybe this wasn’t the time for that conversation. ‘Yeh, ‘course,’ he replied.

‘So how’d you find us?’ Dean asked.

‘Well, Elsker wraiths would normally take their victims to caves, usually by waterfalls. So I checked the maps of that woodland by the park where one vic was found and saw that there were some abandoned mines there. There were already caves formed by underground streams so I was assuming you’d be there. Took me a while to find the right mine shaft, but managed to track some blood till I found you guys.’

‘I didn’t even realise there were other wraiths.’

‘Yeh. Right… Well, you both got out of it alive. That’s all that matters.’

 ***

 Once they were back at the bunker, all three of them went to their respective rooms and slept. Sam was the first to wake up, so went to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. He’d heard Dean watching tv or a film in his room until late, and so assumed that he was continuing to put off sleep until he could no longer keep his eyes open. He’d been like this ever since the lakehouse. He’d go to his room at a reasonable hour, but Sam knew that he wasn’t sleeping. Every morning he’d wake up as tired as he’d been before ‘sleeping’. Sam knew that after the events of the past couple of days Dean’s sleep schedule wasn’t going to get any better.

‘Hello, Sam,’ Cas said, appearing at the door, leaning on crutches. He was dressed in one of Dean’s old t-shirts and a pair of Sam’s spare tracksuit pants. His hair was a mess and he looked awful and tired.

‘Cas. How are you feeling?

‘Terrible,’ Cas replied, then navigated his way to the table.

‘Coffee?’ Sam asked.

‘Yes, please.’

Sam poured two coffees and brought them over to the table, setting one in front of Cas then sitting opposite him.

‘So, what do you remember of the past few days?’ Sam asked.

‘Not much… I… I stopped at a gas station and then… I woke up… Dean was there… and this woman, she… she was hurting me,’ Cas said as he stared into his steaming coffee. ‘Is Dean alright?’

‘Yeh. Yeh, Dean’s fine.’

‘What was that thing?’

‘A wraith.’

Cas scrunched his eyebrows in confusion. ‘What did it want from me? I don’t remember being interrogated?’

‘It… It didn’t want to interrogate you. It wanted to torture you,’ Sam said.

‘Why?’ Cas said, his brow still furrowed. He stared at Sam, as if he was looking deep into his eyes for answers.

Sam shuffled in his chair uncomfortably. ‘Well, see, we were hunting it… And so it took Dean. It was an Elsker wraith… so, it takes people that… that care about each other.’

Cas looked away and said softly, ‘I see.’

They both sat in silence for a minute. Cas was deep in thought and seemed completely oblivious to the awkwardness. Sam, on the other hand became fidgety and uncomfortable.

Sam couldn’t take the silence any longer, and when it didn’t seem as though Cas was going to talk, he asked, ‘So… how’s the foot?’

‘It hurts,’ Cas replied monosyllabically.

‘You’ve got pain meds right?’

‘Yes. But, they make my brain feel like thick tar.’

‘Yeh, that can happen. You should take them though, they’ll help,’ Sam replied with a gentle smile.

‘‘Morning,’ Dean said as he appeared at the kitchen door, rubbing his eyes.

‘Hey,’ Sam replied light-heartedly.

Cas didn’t turn around, he didn’t even move.

Dean went over to the counter where the coffee pot stood, grabbed himself a mug, and poured himself a coffee.

‘You sleep OK?’ Sam asked, trying to ignore the fact that Cas hadn’t acknowledged Dean’s presence.

‘Like a baby,’ Dean said in between sips of coffee.

There was silence for a brief moment. Sam noticed Dean glance briefly at Cas from where he was standing, then return to drinking his coffee in silence. Cas continued to stare with an expressionless look into his own coffee mug placed on the table in front of him.

‘So…’ Sam said, trying to fill the silence with words. ‘I was thinking of heading out to find Jack?’

‘Sure, when d’ya wanna head off?’ Dean replied.

‘Erm, I was actually thinking of doing this solo,’ Sam said tentatively, looking at Dean and then nodding his head in Cas’s direction.

Dean got what Sam was silently trying to say and huffed out a breath in annoyance. ‘Babysitting!?’ he said.

Cas woke up from whatever thoughts he had been trapped in and caught onto what was being said. ‘It’s fine. You both go. I will be fine alone.’

Sam rolled his eyes, took Cas’s mug of coffee and placed it on the floor next to the table. ‘Fine,’ he said, ‘Pick that up for me, then.’

Cas glared at Sam in annoyance, then bent to reach for the mug but shouted out in pain as soon as his torso contorted even the slightest amount.

Dean sighed, walked over to the mug and set it back down on the table. ‘Fine. You go,’ he said to Sam. ‘I’ll look after Tiny Tim here.’

‘Great. I’ll leave in an hour. You both rest up, watch Netflix and… whatever. And Cas, take the meds,’ Sam said as he got up and left to go pack.

Dean was still stood next to Cas who had returned to staring into his coffee. Dean sighed and sat down at the table.

‘You good, Cas?’ he asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

Cas didn’t look up and simply said, ‘Apart from the pain, I’m fine. How are you, Dean?’

‘I’m fine,’ Dean said then waited to see if Cas would say any more. Something was off about his demeanour, but perhaps this was an effect of the pain or the strong medication he was on. Dean continued to sip at his coffee, warily watching Cas. When Cas continued to neither speak nor look at him Dean said sarcastically, ‘Great. Good talk,’ before heading out of the kitchen.

 ***

 Sam had left soon after breakfast, leaving Dean and Cas alone in their respective bedrooms. It was now afternoon, and Dean sat on his bed, listening to Led Zeppelin loudly in his headphones. He’d kept to himself and hadn’t seen Cas since that morning. He should probably be checking on him, perhaps he needed a bandage changing, or needed help with something… but the brief conversation from this morning had made him want to stay the hell away from Cas for as long as possible. Either one of two things had happened, Cas had found out about why the wraith took him and now felt awkward about the situation, or Cas didn’t know exactly why he was taken but was just pissed at Dean for it being his fault. Perhaps Cas was felt both awkward and angry. As much as Dean wished that he could stay locked in his room until Sam got back, he knew he should go and check on Cas. Goddammit.

Dean ripped his headphones off, got up and turned off the record player. Sighing to himself he walked down the corridor to Cas’s room, paused at the door, then knocked three times.

‘Come in,’ Dean heard from inside.

Dean carefully opened the door to see Cas lying on the bed, his upper torso resting on two pillows behind him. Cas was staring up at the ceiling, and gave no indication that he was planning on looking at Dean.

Dean glanced around the room, trying to see if there was a tv or laptop in here that Cas had been watching, or maybe a book on the side tables or bed. When he saw nothing he asked, ‘You just been staring at the ceiling all day?’

Cas finally broke his staring competition with the ceiling above and looked at Dean briefly, then returned his eyes to the plaster overhead.

‘Yes,’ he replied.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. Damn angel. ‘You need your bandages changed or something?’ Dean asked with a tone of impatience.

Cas glanced down at the same old t-shirt he’d been wearing all day, and tentatively touched at his torso, wincing.

Dean moved over to the bed and crouched down next to Cas, then lifted his shirt to expose the bandages which had now turned the colour of murky brown and red-hued black.

‘That would be a yes,’ Dean sighed. ‘OK, you stay here and I’ll go get the first aid kit.’

Dean returned a moment later to find Cas sat on the side of the bed, breathing deeply, his face contorted with pain. Dean rushed over, set the first aid stuff on the bed and put a hand on Cas’s shoulder. ‘OK, easy, man.’

‘I… I can’t lift my arms,’ Cas said, embarrassed and dejected.

‘Alright,’ Dean said soothingly. ‘You lie back and we’ll just push your top up.’

Cas lay back down on the bed, breathing in sharply when he lifted his foot in its heavy cast back up onto the bed. Dean pushed the t-shirt up as far as it could go, carefully lifting the material over the bandages. He slowly tore each bandage from Cas’s skin, trying not to pay attention to Cas wincing every time one was removed.

‘You need some whisky for the next part?’ Dean asked.

‘No. I’ll manage.’

Dean gave Cas a worried look before dousing some cotton wool with anti-septic fluid, then carefully wiped it across Cas’s chest and stomach. Dean couldn’t help but notice the tanned skin and muscles which jumped at his every touch. He needed to quickly end this chick flick moment asap before he puked. It didn’t help when Cas started giving out small whines in pain, and his breathing became louder as Dean continued to wipe the stinging liquid over the cuts. Dean breathed in steadily and tried to focus again. He got out some clean bandages and medical tape from the box and placed them over the cuts.

Cas had begun this whole painful endeavour watching Dean’s hands push his shirt up, then start wiping that awfully painful liquid over his cuts. He noted Dean’s fingers move the cotton wool in delicate circles over his cuts. It was indeed painful, but with his friend sitting so close to him and tending to his wounds, he just couldn’t watch. He returned his eyes to that familiar ceiling above him and focused on the pain which helped him to ignore anything else that was going on.

When Dean had finished applying the bandages he got up and coughed uncomfortably, then threw the old bandages in a bin at the side of the room, gathered up the medical supplies, threw them in the box and walked towards the door.

‘You hungry?’ he asked.

‘Erm. Yes. I suppose,’ Cas replied.

Dean didn’t look at him as he left the room, saying, ‘I’ll get some food ready, then.’

 ***

 Dean set down the homemade burgers with a side of chips, and two beers on the main table. Cas had hobbled over with his crutches and was now sat at the table.

‘Thank you,’ he said quietly.

‘Don’t mention it,’ Dean replied, taking the burger in his hands and biting down on it, humming at how good it was.

They both ate in silence. Normally Dean could deal with silence, after all, Cas wasn’t the chattiest of people, but Cas still felt off and Dean couldn’t help but worry about what thoughts were running through his mind.

When they’d finished eating, Cas said, ‘Dean… I’m sorry.’

Dean looked up at him in surprise, saying, ‘Sorry for what?’

Cas stared down at his lap, ‘I should not have gone searching for the Nephilim alone.’

Dean picked up his beer from the table and took a sip, watching Cas in confusion.

‘It’s fine, man.’

‘But it’s not, Dean. You were right. Evidently I am not ready to be going off alone. I put you all in danger because of that wraith.’

Dean sighed. ‘That wasn’t your fault, Cas.’

‘Yes, Dean. Yes it was.’

‘No. It wasn’t. Look, I was taken by that wraith and I’ve been doing this shit for years. And I was with Sam.’

‘So…’ Cas continued, a confused expression playing at his face, ‘So… you’re not angry with me?’

‘What? No? Is this what this silent act has been about?’

Cas mumbled, trying to find the right words, ‘I… I thought you were angry with me?’

Dean gave out a few relieved laughs and smiled at Cas, who glanced up at him. ‘Nah, man. We’re all good, yeh?’ he said, lifting his beer bottle towards Cas.

Cas picked up the full beer bottle in front of him and clinked the glass on Dean’s. He smiled timidly and said with a nod, ‘All good.’

 ***

 They spent the next few days in the same routine. They would wake up, have breakfast. Dean would remove Cas’s bandages, let Cas have a shower, then reapply some clean ones. They would spend the day looking for any signs which might tell them where Jack was, however everything on that front was silent. In the evening they would watch tv and films sat on Cas’s bed, before Dean would return to his room and listen to more music until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.

By the third day Cas’s stomach had almost healed, he was able to bend without much pain and managed to change his bandages by himself. After breakfast he sat at a laptop in the main room trying to find any omens or weird storms which might give them any clue as to the whereabouts of the Nephilim.

One thing had been bugging him over the past few days, but with all the medication he’d been on, he could hardly think straight. He’d skipped the medication this morning which had brought back the pain in his foot, but at least his mind felt clearer. Dean was off somewhere else in the bunker, and so Cas was alone. What he couldn’t work out is why the wraith had taken him? Sam had helpfully explained that it would take people that cared about each other, which warmed Cas to know that his and Dean’s bond remained strong despite the upsets of the past years. But what didn’t make sense is why the wraith hadn’t taken Sam? Sam had been in her vicinity, and yet she had tracked him down and carried him miles back to her lair.

Cas sighed and then brought up a new tab thing on the laptop device. He typed in ‘Elsker wraith’ and hit the first listed page. Cas frowned at the information, then returned back to the search and clicked on the next site. He read through the information and felt his heart beating faster. He was not used to such mortal things, and it frustrated him that he was feeling all of these effects which he hadn’t as an angel. ‘Love’; that is what the pages had said. And not familial love; true love. Cas knew it made sense, why else would the wraith have taken him instead of Sam? Memories of the days when he was an angel flashed through his mind. He recalled the times when he’d been miles away from the boys, or in heaven and something akin to energy had rushed through his body as his mind told him that Dean was praying to him. Sometimes Dean would have been praying, but other times Cas had tuned into the thoughts and heard thoughts, not prayers. Mostly it was Dean worrying about where he was, or if he was OK, a few times Dean had just been thinking of him in a general sense. A couple of times the thoughts had seemed scrambled and nonsensical, and when Cas tuned in to check if they were prayers but couldn’t make sense of it, he had flown to where Dean was and seen that he was sleeping. On those occasions Cas had watched over his peaceful body for a moment or so, before heading back to whatever mission he had been on. He had been aware of the rumours in heaven; the rumours that his connection with Dean was crossing a line, but Cas had always ignored it. Him and Dean were family is what he would tell himself. But this past week or so, since he’d been mortal, there were thoughts and feelings that it was becoming harder to deny. He couldn’t lie to himself that thoughts hadn’t crossed his mind… thoughts and specifically cravings which he hadn’t felt so strongly as an angel. But Dean had always called him family, and so that’s what he was. He had always thought that Dean thought of him and Sam in the same way… but now, was that not the case? And now that he himself was mortal and practically human… did that mean that he was released from the vows older than the earth which detailed strict laws about how angels should interact with mankind?

But… wait. His thoughts were running away with him… this didn’t necessarily mean that Dean loved him… it could mean that the wraith knew that he was in love with Dean… maybe this was all his fault after all? If he hadn’t had feelings for Dean, then the wraith wouldn’t have taken them both…

‘You find anything?’ Dean said as he entered the room with two plates of pasta and two beers.

Cas was shocked from his reverie and shut the screen down quickly. ‘No,’ he said, shiftily.

Dean narrowed his eyes at him, ‘You watching porn?’

‘What? No,’ Cas replied with embarrassment.

Dean looked at him warily for a moment longer, then sat down to start eating. Cas looked at the beer set in front of him. He hadn’t drunk much because he had been told that medication and alcohol was a bad combo. But he felt like both beer and medication wasn’t such a bad idea right now, so popped out a pill from the package in front of him, and washed it down with a huge glug of beer.

They both made small talk over the food. Cas tried to remain as calm as possible. The beer was certainly helping that. After they’d finished eating, Dean suggested that they call it a day on the research, and went to grab some more beers from the kitchen. Dean was glad Cas had finally decided to join him drinking. He himself hadn’t drunk much over the past few days because Cas hadn’t, so he was pleased that if Cas was drinking, then he must be feeling better.

After a few more beers Cas was beginning to feel fairly tipsy. He’d been trying to block out the thoughts from earlier, in particular the ones where he’d discovered that it was his fault that Dean had been taken by the wraith, but now those thoughts had started to creep back.

‘We should watch a film,’ Cas announced with a slight slur.

Dean noticed a change in Cas’s demeanour and was slightly taken aback by the quick change of topic from the conversation they’d been discussing before.

‘Yeh, sure. You got one in mind?’ Dean asked.

‘What is that one about the spy man?’

‘It’s spy. Not spy man. Just spy,’ Dean said with feigned frustration. ‘And you mean James Bond?’

‘No, I am aware of that one. The more recent one… the Birth of the Supreme?’

‘Bourne Supremacy?’ Dean asked.

‘Yes. Yes, that one.’

Dean smiled to himself. ‘Sure, you head to your room and I’ll put the plates away and bring in more beers,’ he said with a smile.

 ***

 Cas sat on one side of his bed, the beers and codeine had mixed so that his brain felt like the fluffy fur of a puppy dog. Despite this feeling of relaxation, he couldn’t shake the feeling now rested in the pit of his stomach that he really was to blame for the wraith thing. And Dean knew what sort of wraith it was, so had probably worked out why she had taken Cas, and so was Dean now aware of Cas’s feelings for him?

At that moment Dean came into the bedroom, handed him a beer and flopped down beside him on the bed. He grabbed the laptop that was beside him on the floor and started searching for the film. Cas silently drank his beer, his mind still spinning in circles with guilt.

‘Dean,’ Cas said suddenly, ‘I have something I mussst confessss sto you.’

Dean raised an eyebrow at his slurred speech, but continued to browse the internet for a copy of the film. ‘Go ahead.’

‘I believe it wass my faultyou were taken by the wraith,’ Cas said, first looking at Dean and then staring down at the beer bottle.

Dean looked over at Cas in confusion, then set the laptop to one side and moved so that he was sitting on his side of the bed, but facing Cas.

‘Cas,’ he said with a sigh. ‘We’ve gone over this. It wasn’t your fault. I’m not upset with you, man. We’re good.’

‘No, Dean. You don’t understand. It was an Elsssshker wraith. It took me because… well, probably because of my feelings for you,’ Cas said almost comically, still unable to look at Dean.

Dean didn’t respond which worried Cas. He took a brief look at Dean who was staring at him in shock. Cas quickly averted his eyes and tried to find anything in this room to look at.

‘I…’ Cas continued, ‘I ssshouldn’t have mentioned that. It is not of import. I have consumed much beer and I hear wildly inaccurate statements occur in humans after alcohol consumption,’ he continued hurriedly. ‘I’m… going to go… now,’ Cas said then lifted himself up surprisingly easily from the bed, before his head started spinning, his cast pulled him off balance and he fell down onto the floor.

Dean rushed off the bed and ran round to find Cas sprawled on the floor.

‘Goddammit, Cas,’ he said softly then hooked his arms around Cas to lift him up, back onto the bed. Dean sat down beside him with a sigh. He patted his hand reassuringly on Cas’s thigh, then left it there for a moment, before sliding it down back into his own lap.

‘Cas, it wasn’t your fault the wraith took me,’ Dean said in a quiet tone.

‘Dean, it wasss. And I take full responsibility for that.’

‘No, Cas… Goddammit,’ Dean said, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh to try and collect his thoughts. He couldn’t remember how many beers he’d had, and he certainly wasn’t as drunk as Cas, but he’d had enough that his thoughts were kind of blurry. ‘Cas, the wraith took you to hurt me. It tortured you in front of me. If this had been about you, I would be the one getting knives shoved into me… do you understand what I’m saying?’

Cas looked down, deep in thought, trying to piece together the bits of information.

‘So… if it wanted to hurt me, it would have tortured you… but it tortured me… so it wanted to hurt you…’ Cas paused to think about what this meant before saying quietly, ‘Oh…’

Dean breathed in deeply then ran his hands over his face.

‘Yep,’ Dean muttered, almost to himself. Dean couldn’t tell whether he was cringing, happy, or so embarrassed he wanted to leave and never return. Had Cas just said that he had feelings for him? Had he really said that? And had he himself just told Cas… well, the same thing? God, this silence was unbearable.

Dean was about to say something, say anything to break the silence before he felt Cas’s lips press against his. Dean breathed in sharply through his nose, his eyebrows rising in shock, before he gently pushed Cas away. Cas opened his eyes, and then looked away. Goddammit, now he’d upset the damn drunk angel.

‘Woah there, Cas,’ Dean said, still holding his hands up in front of him.

‘I… I thought that’s what one is meant to do… in this situation…’ Cas said, his words trailing off until they were barely audible.

Dean was dumbfounded. Cas placed his hands in his lap and looked down at them. Dean took in his profile, his drooping yet rather adorable eyes, his lips which a second ago had been pressed against his own… God… was he thinking of Cas in this way and not catching himself a second later? Was he finally going there?

Dean placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder, causing him to turn towards Dean who then moved his head towards him and pressed a soft kiss against Cas’s lips. Cas’s lips opened slightly, and gently closed over his own. They were soft and he smelled of beer and the same shower gel Dean used. A rush of heat flushed through Dean’s body as he kissed Cas and breathed in the heady smells of the fallen angel. Dean had kinda stopped thinking, stopped wondering, stopped every thought in his mind because this feeling was now everything. He broke the kiss and opened his eyes. Cas was staring at him, mouth slightly open, with such softness and intensity. Dean stood up, lifted Cas’s legs onto the bed, and pushed him back so that he was lying down. Dean then kneeled over him, bent down, and kissed him with an intensity he didn’t realise he could still conjure in situations like this. He felt Cas’s hands at his neck, and then his fingers bury themselves in his hair. Cas lifted his head to meet every kiss, and kissed back with a passion that surprised Dean. He felt strong and supple beneath him, his lips caressed, sucked, and swirled over his own. Dean lowered his body further down so that their chests were brushing against each other, he then found Cas’s tongue with his own and lapped at it, causing Cas to let out a small whimper. Dean’s breath hitched at that sound as a heat flooded through his body. Fucking hell. Dean quickly broke the kiss and sat up over Cas. Cas’s head followed Dean upwards, still searching for the next touch when Dean broke away. His lips were full and flushed and his eyes slowly opened, blinking up at Dean.

Dean got off Cas, being careful not to knock his cast, then got off the bed and took a few paces away.  

Cas pushed himself up to sitting, and looked sheepishly around the room. Dean felt lost for words. Suddenly a panic spread through his body as he realised what had just happened. He pressed his fingers to his closed eyes and rubbed at them, trying to work out what to do next. Goddammit, what had just happened? Without looking at Cas he stormed out the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

Cas stared after the closed door in drunken shock. Was Dean upset with him? If he hadn’t been before, then it looked like he was now. Dean was probably upset with him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have kissed him. But Dean had kissed him back? Wasn’t that meant to be a good sign? He wasn’t all too familiar with these human feelings and social cues so maybe that wasn’t a good sign? Cas breathed in shakily, and breathed out slowly, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. He had probably upset Dean. Perhaps he could say that this was the drink… but before the kiss he had told Dean about his feelings towards him. He shouldn’t have mentioned it. He was new at this whole human thing but even he knew that Dean walking out without saying one word was a bad sign.

Cas shuffled on the bed, and leaned back against the bedrest. He needed something to take his mind off what had just happened, and saw that the laptop was still on the other side of the bed. He brought it onto his lap, noticed that the film was loaded and paused on the screen, pressed enter, and tried to forget everything that had just happened.

 ***

 The film was entertaining enough that Cas could almost fully pay attention to it without drifting off into thoughts of what had just occurred. He focused on staring at the screen and following the plot, but on occasion his mind would flash with images of Dean’s body over his, their lips pressed together. Cas’s body would react to the memories; his breathing would hitch, his stomach would tumble, and his body would warm.

About twenty minutes into the film he heard a knock at his door. It could only be Dean. Cas froze and stared at the closed bedroom door.

‘Yes?’ he said.

Dean opened the door slowly, and walked over to the bed without looking at him. He sat down next to Cas, swung his legs onto the bed, crossed his arms, and leant back.

Cas didn’t know what to do or say. His mind still felt woozy from the beer which obviously hadn’t been helping his judgement calls. Did Dean want to talk about it? He was assuming not seeing as he hadn’t said a word, nor even looked at him since he came into the room… but the fact that he had joined him at all must be a good sign.

‘Shall… I restart the film? Cas asked hesitantly.

‘No. You’re good,’ Dean replied.

The film continued playing, them both watching it side by side. More than ever before Cas was extremely aware of Dean’s body next to his. He could feel its heat, could sense the smallest movement… this was… distracting. Cas half-wished he was still an angel and could zap out of there in an instant.

Dean didn’t know what to think. After what had happened he had returned to his room and paced around whilst trying to calm his breathing. When a couple of minutes had passed he turned his record player on and collapsed onto the bed. He put on his headphones and listened to the blasting rock music, trying not to think. Goddammit, Cas. This had opened a whole can of worms that Dean didn’t want to deal with right now. Dean shut his eyes and tried to focus on the music, blocking out the emotions. Was he happy about this? What was he so scared about? Cas had told him how he felt and then made a fucking move on him. If Dean was being honest with himself he didn’t see this as a bad thing, it was pretty relieving to be honest. But Dean had returned the kiss and then went back for more… Could he pretend that hadn’t happened? Cas seemed pretty drunk, and maybe he could convince him that it was a drunken mistake? But did he even want to pretend like it was nothing? Dean turned the thoughts over again and again in his mind, searching for how he really felt. He’d kept burying this stuff for so long that it didn’t feel right trying to face it. He’d quietly admitted to himself in the past that yeh, sure, some guys were pretty fucking hot. He’d gotten completely smashed before and gone home with a few. But Cas… anything he’d felt towards Cas was repressed so deeply that he’d been unable to truly admit to himself these feelings. Since Cas had gone and died on him, it had become harder to pretend that his feelings towards the guy were completely platonic. These thoughts went round and round in circles in Dean’s mind. He started to wonder about what Cas was doing now. Was he now watching the damn movie? Was Cas upset with him? Fuck, he was probably drunk and majorly pissed at him. Dean sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. Before he could think about this anymore he got up, walked out the room to Cas’s bedroom, and knocked on the door.

 To Cas, the movie was mildly entertaining. In the past he’d watched in confusion at such films, trying to disseminate the varying reasons why humans interacted in such ways, but since Metatron had downloaded cultural references into his brain, and since he turned human that first time, he was enjoying films more. The on screen romances and social relationships were less confusing, and he’d learnt to just enjoy the plots.

Dean had still said nothing to him, but at least he was here. As much as film plots were making more sense to him, Dean’s social cues were still way beyond his ability to fully understand. The drink from earlier, and the pain medication were making his eyes feel heavy and his body feel lethargic. As the film continued, Cas slowly drifted into sleep.

 Dean’s attention to the film was broken when he felt Cas slowly slump to the side, until his head was resting on Dean’s shoulder. Dean looked down to see Cas’s chest rise and fall slowly. His eyes were shut and looked deep in sleep. Dean tried to be annoyed at the damn, drunken idiot falling asleep on him, but without anyone there to note his social discomfort, Dean smiled slightly, and continued watching the movie.

 When it ended and the title credits started rolling, he gently moved his arm to pause the film. He wouldn’t be able to get up without waking Cas, and to be honest, he’d rather just go to sleep without having to deal with another conversation. He tried to move slowly, pushing Cas away from him gently.

‘Was I asleep?’ Cas said, his voice deep and husky. Cas sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

Dean got up off the bed and headed to the door. He turned around to see Cas staring at him sleepily.

‘Night, Cas,’ he said quietly.

‘Goodnight, Dean,’ he heard Cas say as he shut the door.

 ***

  Cas woke up feeling terrible. His hair was a mess, his stomach felt weird, his foot hurt, and his head was pounding. He slowly opened his eyes and stretched out his arms. He glanced at the bedside table and saw a couple of empty beer bottles… well, that would explain things. God, how did Dean deal with drinking so much so often? He was probably used to it… wait… Dean. Cas furrowed his brown trying to remember why the thought of Dean was of some importance right now… and then he remembered. First the memories of Dean’s body pressed on top of his and the heat he’d felt in that moment. Secondly came the memories of Dean’s look of shock and his silence when he left the room and for the rest of the evening. Cas took a pillow from beside him and slammed it over his face, pressing the cotton to his eyes as if he could block out whatever he was feeling with the soft material barrier between himself and the world. He was not used to all of these human emotions, he didn’t really know what emotion he was feeling right now. Was it embarrassment… yes, it was that. How does mankind cope with being so laden with such things? Perhaps it was best if he tried to avoid Dean today, his body felt worn down, sick, and tired and the last thing he needed was to be involved in some confrontation with Dean.

 Cas spent the day watching Netflix in bed, leaving the room on the rare occasion to grab water and meds to help his continuous headache. He binge-watched a series about vampires which appeared wildly inaccurate. Moreover, they all seemed far too pretty and clean to be at all accurate. Oh the misleadings of American popular television. By the time it was six o’clock, his stomach started to hurt with pain rather than the morning’s nausea. He would have to go to the kitchen to make food… which ran the risk of bumping into Dean. Furthermore, his cooking skills were mainly confined to sandwiches, and his body craved something more substantial. But sandwiches would have to do seeing as Dean would be unlikely to cook for him this evening. A pity, as Dean’s culinary skills were surprisingly good and he always enjoyed their evening meals together. This whole day alone had made him miss Dean in general. What were they to do? Cas went over the events of last night for the millionth time that day; he had confessed his love to Dean, Dean had seemingly reciprocated those feelings, Cas had kissed him, Dean had reciprocated that before walking out the door and not speaking to him for the rest of the evening. Were all humans this indecipherable, or was Dean particularly puzzling? Cas’s own understanding of his emotions seemed equally incomprehensible at this current time. Perhaps they always had been difficult to comprehend? For years he had known of his love for the man, but it had always been mixed with his duty as a kind of angelic guardian. He loved Sam as well, but his feelings towards Dean had always felt more… potent. On occasion he could have sworn he felt something akin to lust. Since becoming human this time, it was becoming difficult to deny that there was a sense of lust towards Dean, and the feeling of love that he had harboured in his heart for so long was becoming stronger every day. When he had been an angel, it had been programmed into his mind that one of the greatest sins one could commit was to lay with mankind and perhaps that knowledge had been the barrier stopping him from truly exploring those emotions before. Now that he was mortal and essentially human, those rules didn’t apply and any guilt he had felt regarding his emotions was dissipating quickly. The only guilt he now felt was that he may have ruined his friendship with Dean. He had seen that in movies, when someone professes their love to a friend, only to be declined leading to the relationship breaking down… was that happening now? Cas groaned in frustration at his woes, then took in a deep breath, grabbed his crutches from beside the bed, and made his way to the kitchen.

 Cas was relieved to see that there was no one in the kitchen. He went about trying to find bread, cheese, and ham to make a sandwich. The whole process was incredibly difficult seeing as both his hands were needed to hold onto the crutches. He crossed the kitchen to find a plate, then hopped back to the counter with it, but somehow slipped causing the plate to crash onto the floor and smatter into pieces. As he himself hit the tiled floor he hit his foot and cried out with pain as he lay on his back on the cold tiles.

‘Cas!’ Dean shouted as he ran into the room, holding his gun out in front of him. The shocked and focused look in his eyes melted into pity and relief as he saw Cas lying on the floor surrounded by smashed porcelain and his crutches.

‘Sorry,’ Cas said quietly as he tried to push himself up into sitting. ‘I was trying to make a sandwich and slipped.’

Dean stowed his gun in his pants, sighed and went over to help Cas up. ‘You OK?’ he asked.

‘Yes. I’m fine. Thank you.’

Dean picked up and handed the crutches back to Cas and surveyed the smashed plate on the floor. Sighing he said, ‘Look man, you go rest up. I’ll make you some food.’

‘Thank you, but I’m sure I can continue cooking.’

Dean glanced quickly at Cas. Cas had noticed that he still hadn’t properly looked him in the eye yet, which continued to be worrying.

‘No, Cas,’ Dean said in an exasperated tone. ‘You can barely stand. I gotta make some grub anyway, so you just… I dunno… just let me help you, man.’

Cas saw that there was no arguing with Dean, so nodded slightly before hobbling out of the room and into the main space to perhaps start on some more research.

 Dean entered the main room of the bunker with two plates of steak and fries. He placed one in front of Cas who thanked him quietly. They both started eating in silence. Cas normally never noticed silences and they rarely made him feel awkward or uncomfortable, but this silence felt excruciating. He felt something that he’s never experienced before, a feeling of anxiety within his chest which made him want to say just about anything to break the quiet. This truly was an odd sensation.

‘Dean, I…’ he blurted out, ‘I believe I owe you an apology.’

‘You don’t owe me anything, Cas,’ Dean replied between mouthfuls of food.

‘Well… then I owe you an explanation.’

Dean sighed and dropped his cutlery onto the plate, and wiped his mouth with his chequered shirt sleeve. ‘Look, man. I don’t wanna talk about it, OK,’ he said with frustration.

Cas narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side. ‘I feel as if it’s pertinent to discuss what happened nevertheless.’

‘No. It’s not, Cas. I’m drawing a line. Nothing happened. We’ll just carry on like we were before.’

‘But Dean,’ Cas said, his voice softer and more pained now, ‘You can barely look me in the eye.’

Dean shut his eyes and sighed, then pointedly looked at Cas. He could only bare to hold eye contact for a couple of seconds before he looked away again. Cas was doing that thing where he was staring at him with that sad puppy dog expression. Goddammit.

‘Truth is, Cas,’ Dean said quietly with an earnest tone, ‘We’ve been through a heck of a lot together – purgatory, the damn apocalypse… God, there isn’t another person on earth apart from Sam whose been through as much crap with me as you… And bullshit like last night, that changes things, man-’

‘Dean,’ Cas interjected sadly.

‘No, let me finish… Now… there are things about me that I’ve buried so deep that I’ve forgotten what in the hell they even were. And there’s a tonne of other crap that I haven’t buried deep enough. And so whoever you think I am, I’m not that guy,’ Dean finished, his voice husky, loud, and angry.

‘You think my judgments are based on a misunderstanding of your character?’ Cas said, anger boiling in his chest. ‘Do not mistake me for a fool, Dean. I have watched over earth for thousands of years. I have watched the trials and failings of mankind for eras and have held no one in as high esteem as you.’ Cas’s voice rose in passion and volume with each word. He lifted himself off the chair, grabbed his crutches and limped towards Dean until he towered over him. Dean was sat at the table, staring down at his food, his chest rising and falling. ‘I have seen you fail and fight. I have seen you in your worst moments and your best. I have saved you more times than I can remember and would die for you! So do not think that anything I said to you was born out of misjudgement or misunderstanding!’

Dean stood up forcefully, pushing the chair back with enough power that it toppled over behind him. He stood closely in front of Cas, staring down at him with an expression of anger and sadness. ‘So what, Cas?!’ he shouted in his face. ‘You think you can say shit like last night and then we’ll live happily ever after? Ain’t gonna happen because life, life is just gonna hand you a load of crap and take everything you care about away from you. So whatever you think you feel, forget about it. Because that’s how people end up dead!’

‘See, this is your problem, Dean! You push everyone away because you think you don’t deserve to be happy!’

‘No, it’s because everyone I’ve ever cared about has either run away or ended up dead!’ Dean shouted.

‘Well I’m happy to take that chance!’ Cas shouted back at him.

They both stared at each other with the utmost intensity, chests rising and falling quickly as their heartbeats raced. Dean grabbed Cas’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together forcefully. He sucked and bit at Cas’s lips as if he needed to taste all of him. Cas let go of the crutches which crashed to the ground then grabbed at Dean’s shirt and pulled him closer, holding onto him fiercely for support. Dean spun them around and pushed Cas onto the table and stood between his legs, leaning down towards him to continue the passionate kiss. Cas moved his hands and grabbed onto the back of Dean’s neck, both pulling Dean down towards him and pulling himself up. Their lips crashed into each other’s as they sucked and lapped. Dean pushed his tongue into Cas’s mouth and sought out Cas’s tongue, sucking and licking at it. Dean felt Cas take in a sharp breath and heard him groan into his own mouth, the vibrations humming at his lips. Dean broke the kiss and pushed Cas down onto the table. He then kicked off his shoes and nimbly knelt on the table over Cas. Dean pulled Cas further forwards so that his whole body lay over the polished wood. Dean moved so that he was sitting over Cas’s crotch, then bent down to kiss him again with fervour. He felt Cas’s fingers tightly entwine themselves in his hair. He could feel Cas’s full lips pressing, opening, and closing over his own. Dean pressed his body further down so that his crotch brushed over Cas’s. Cas gave out another moan into Dean’s lips. Dean started to move his mouth in motion with his body, rolling his hips down into Cas. Dean bit down gently on Cas’s bottom lip and groaned. Their breathing became laboured. Cas bent his good leg up and settled it behind Dean. Cas grabbed at Dean’s back so that he could push his body up to meet Dean’s rolling hips. Cas gave out another pained groan causing Dean’s body to flush with even more heat. He quickly sat up in Cas’s lap, pulled him up and grabbed at his t-shirt, pulling it off him quickly to expose tanned skin and rippling muscles. He pushed Cas back down on the table and saw that Cas was staring at him with an intensity Dean had rarely seen in his eyes which looked practically black. Dean pulled off his own shirt, and then his t-shirt, all the while staring down at Cas’s chest which continued to quickly rise and fall. He unbuckled his belt, then pulled it from the loops in one smooth motion then chucked it across the room. He then pushed himself off the table and kicked off his jeans, before jumped back over Cas. Dean pulled Cas’s sweatpants down to his knees, and resumed kissing him and rolling down into his body. Now with only the thin material of their boxers between them, their breathing became even more laboured and Cas’s moans became louder. Dean was hard and could feel Cas’s erection beneath him. He moved slightly so that their cocks would rub against each other which made Cas gasp into Dean’s mouth. Fuck. Cas rolled his hips up to meet his own and Cas gasped and moaned into each kiss giving out the fucking hottest sounds Dean had ever heard. Dean’s breath hitched at each groan Cas gave out. The tension building in his body was almost unbearable, so he continued to prop himself over Cas with one arm, then firmly moved his other hand down Cas’s chest, feeling each scar as he moved down towards Cas’s crotch. He pushed his hand below Cas’s boxers and grabbed him in his hand, which made Cas basically scream out a breathy cry. As Dean kissed him, he slowly moved his hand up and down Cas’s dick. Cas took one hand out of Dean’s hair and moved it between them, grabbing Dean’s hard erection and copying the movements Dean’s hand was making. They kissed and sucked at each other’s mouths whilst moving their hands over each other, their hand movements moving in sync with each kiss. Their breaths became more and more laboured as they started to drive each other to the edge.

‘Dean,’ Cas groaned into his lips.

Dean almost came just from hearing his name uttered with such intense passion. He started moving his hand quicker, feeling Cas become tenser with each stroke. He himself was close, the heat and movements of Cas’s hand on him causing his entire body to flood with intensity and pleasure. Dean’s head became light as the pressure built to breaking point. He cried out into Cas’s mouth, then broke their kiss, moaning as he came. His hand slowed on Cas, but he could still feel the tension in Cas beneath him. Dean’s breathing slowed as he opened his eyes to see Cas staring up at him, wide-eyed. Dean grabbed Cas’s hand that was between them, and lifted it up over his head. He then kissed him again and started to move his hand slowly up and down Cas’s hard dick. Dean reached for Cas’s hand with his free hand, entwining their fingers and holding his arm down above Cas’s head. Cas’s breathing started to rise again, his moans became louder with every touch. Dean could feel the tension in his body rise with each movement, and felt Cas’s fingers grip tightly over his own. Cas came with a deep and breathy cry, groaning into Dean’s lips as his came onto his and Dean’s bare torsos. Dean stroked him through the orgasm as Cas stopped kissing back and just moaned into Dean’s open lips. When Cas’s breathing started to slow, Dean let go of him and rolled over to lie on his back next to him. They both lay with laboured gasps next to each other.

Holy fuck, Dean thought. His head felt light, his body felt satiated and exhausted, and he still could barely catch his breath. He lifted his head up to glance down at his body, glistening with sweat and cum. Crap, he was gonna have to get up and have a shower. He collapsed back on the table, then turned his head to look over at Cas. Cas’s eyes were shut as he breathed in and out through his mouth. His stomach was also shining with sweat and cum under the bunker lights. Dean stared at Cas’s shoulder and arms, really noticing quite how fit he was. Dean rolled his head and stared up at the ceiling. Fuck. What had just happened? There was really no going back now. In the past Dean had wondered what it’d be like to fuck Cas, but he had always quickly shut down those thoughts before they got out of control. Now that it had happened, it had been pretty damn hot. Dean remembered Cas’s moans and how his eyes had looked dark and intense…

‘I should take a shower,’ Dean announced before the memories of what had just happened would make him want to go back for round two.

‘Yes. That would be a good idea,’ Cas replied through laboured breaths.

Dean pushed himself up and slid off the table, then headed out the door without looking back.

 Cas lay on his back, still trying to regulate his heartbeat by taking in deep breaths. He could barely believe what had just happened. It had all seemed so quick… yet also so… right. The feeling of wanting, of pining over Dean had gone. Yet only now that it was gone could Cas discern that it had been hanging over him for so many years. Cas had had sex before, albeit only a couple of times. But this, this had felt so completely different. The sensation had oddly reminded him of when he had battled and fought his way into the pits of hell to rescue Dean, and when he had touched his skin, held him tight in his arms and crashed up through the levels of the pit his body had been flooded with this heat. At that first moment when he gripped Dean’s body to his own, this burning fire had flooded through his angelic form making him feel wild with a heady and intense feeling which he had never felt before. Cas pushed himself up into sitting and looked around the empty room. He glanced down at his chest and noted that he imminently needed a shower. The feeling of complete relaxation that had flooded through his body and the memories of what had just happened made him smile to himself. He then pushed himself off the table, grabbed the crutches that lay on the floor, and made his way to his bedroom. When he heard Dean leave the shower and return to his room, Cas grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom.

 Cas got out of the shower, and by that he pulled himself up out of the shower seeing as with his leg still in a cast he had to take the shower head off, sit on the floor with his bad leg hanging out, and wash himself whilst trying to avoid any water splashing out and onto his cast. It was certainly not the most relaxing way to complete this task. Cas limped over to his towel and dried himself, then tied it around his waist, grabbed his crutches and hobbled back to his room. Now that some time had passed, the worries started to creep into his mind. What was Dean thinking right now? Did he regret what had happened? Should Cas go and see him? A feeling of need swept through his body as he sat on the side of his bed. Having experienced what it was like to have Dean so very close, now that he wasn’t here Cas felt bereft of his presence.  He couldn’t deal with wondering through the night how Dean felt, and after having not spoken to him for the entire day after the kiss they shared last night, Cas didn’t want to go through that again. So he put on an old t-shirt and the pyjama pants Sam had given to him and went to Dean’s room.

 Cas knocked on the door.

‘Yep,’ he heard Dean say.

Cas opened the door sheepishly to see Dean lying on his bed wearing loose cotton pants and a black t-shirt.

‘I… I…’ Cas started to say, but realised that he didn’t really know what to say to Dean.

Dean was staring up at him, his arms crossed and his face stern. When Cas didn’t continue talking Dean sighed and a faint smile played across his lips.

‘You have something you want to say, Cas?’ Dean asked with a tone of playful humour.

Cas relaxed seeing Dean’s smile and hearing the light-hearted tone in his voice.

‘I may need clarification as to your thoughts right now,’ Cas said tentatively.

‘Well, understanding people’s thoughts has never really been your strong suit,’ Dean said with a grin.

‘No. It has not,’ Cas said quietly with a smile.

Dean exhaled, uncrossed his arms and beckoned Cas over to him.

‘Sit down, man.’

Cas went over to the bed, and sat on the opposite side of Dean, placing his crutches on the ground next to him. He then lifted his legs onto the bed, placed his hands in his lap, and stared down at his fingers as if they were the most interesting things in the world. ‘I may be concerned that you feel regret over… what happened,’ Cas said.

‘I don’t,’ Dean replied. ‘Do you, Cas?’ Dean said, rolling his head in Cas’s direction to look at him.

‘I do not,’ Cas said.

‘OK. Good… Well, do you wanna watch another episode of that god-awful vampire show you’ve been watching this past week?’

Cas glanced over at Dean and smiled. ‘That would be good.’

‘OK, then,’ Dean replied with a smile, then grabbed his laptop from beside the bed, brought up Netlix, resting the laptop on his lap, and pressed play.

Cas felt reassured by Dean’s seemingly comfortable demeanour, but he couldn’t stop this feeling of awkwardness at just being sat next to him after what had happened. Almost as if Dean had read his thoughts he lifted up his arm that was closest to Cas.

When Cas didn’t move and just stared at the raised arm, Dean sighed.

‘This is the point where you move closer to me, idiot,’ Dean said with deadpan comedy.

Cas shuffled closer to Dean who returned his arm back down behind Cas and over his shoulders. Cas relaxed into Dean’s body and instinctively pushed himself lower and leant into Dean.

‘What the fuck even is this,’ Dean said in exasperation as he stared in amusement at the tv show. ‘None of the lore makes any sense, damn Hollywood idiots.’

‘I believe it’s supposed to be entertaining.’

‘You know what would be entertaining – having a hunter come in and kill all these lame blood-sucking idiots.’

‘Well, that would rather confuse the plot seeing as one of the vampires hasn’t killed a human and is in love with the lady with the red hair,’ Cas said, calmed and amused by the conversation.

‘Those two are getting it on?’

‘Yes, I believe so.’

‘Well good on him… But that guy with all the tats doesn’t seem too happy about it.’

‘From what I gather he is also in love with the red haired lady.’

Dean muttered something about unrealistic vamp lore and cheesy tv shows, although from what Cas could discern, Dean seemed to be somewhat invested already in the show.

 They continued to watch a few episodes, Dean making snarky comments throughout and correcting various points of lore. Cas started to drift off, letting the warmth of Dean’s body and the soft noise of the TV programme lull him into slumber.

Dean could tell that Cas had fallen asleep on him. When the current episode finished he shut the laptop and placed it on the bedside table. He then moved his arm which woke Cas who stared at him sleepily. Dean got up and pulled the covers from under Cas, and lifted them over him. Cas was obviously not properly awake, and so instinctively pushed himself down to lie on the bed. Dean covered him with the bedsheet and stared at him for a moment. Cas looked peaceful, and Dean hated to admit it but he looked kind of adorable. It had been strange sitting in bed with his arm over Cas, but not specifically because it was Cas. More that Dean hadn’t been like that with someone since Lisa. Having Cas so close to him felt weirdly natural, but it was still hard to shake off the feeling of someone being close to him at all. Dean wondered if he should go sleep in Cas’s room tonight, but they’d already crossed so many lines over the past few days that sleeping in the same bed wouldn’t make much of a difference. Dean sighed, turned off the light and got into bed with Cas. He pulled the covers over him, and started to regret his decision. What was he doing? Was this a good idea? He tried to get comfortable, resting his arm behind him below the pillow and shuffling his head around. He felt Cas roll towards him, still fast asleep, and basically bury his head in Dean’s side. He looked down at Cas with annoyance, but softened his expression and just tried to let himself be OK about this. Dean stared up at the dark ceiling, preparing himself for a good few more hours of trying to sleep. After about ten minutes he felt himself drifting off… perhaps lying with the damn ex-angel had some uses.

[littletoska]

Get to Know Me Meme

Get to Know Me Meme

Tagged by the wonderful @ohthatbunnygirl   

Answer these 40 questions about yourself and tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know

name: Noel (it’s pronounced like “noelle” not “noal”) a lot of people mispronounce my name. 

nickname: Noie (by friends and family)

gender: Female

height: 5′6

ethnicity: Native American, Irish, and Scottish 

favorite fictional character:  Kylo Ren, Rin Okumura, Shinya Kougami and Aleksander Morozova

favorite fruits: I love all fruits except pomegranates. 

favorite season: Fall/Winter

favorite book series: Throne of Glass series, The Grishaverse series, An Ember in the Ashes series, Shatter Me series, Percy Jackson series, and The Diviners series. 

favorite flower: Red Posies

favorite scent: Sandalwood, pumpkin, and rain. 

favorite animal: Horses

coffee/tea/cocoa: Tea

cat or dog person: Both. I love both and can’t imagine life without either. 

star sign: Aries

birthday: April 12th

favorite bands: Florence + The Machine, flora cash, Vaults, X Ambassadors, Daughter, You Me At Six, Bleachers, Hurts, Fleetwood Mac, Muse, and The Civil Wars.

favorite solo artists: Halsey, Ingrid Michaelson, IAMX, Ryn Weaver, Ludovico Einaudi, Matthew Mayfield, Ellie Goulding, Woodkid, Sleeping At Last, Kelli Schaefer, Dermot Kennedy, Lorde, Lykke Li, Bjork, Bat For Lashes, and Agnes Obel. 

The song stuck in my head: Magnetic Field and Savage by Lights

last movie I watched: The Big Sick

what do I post: Star Wars/Reylo, fic reccs, mythology, anime, movies, funny memes, and cute animals. 

last thing i googled: Will there be a season 3 of Blue Exorcist?

do you have any other blog: Nope

do you get asks: No, not really. 

why did you choose your url: Bc I love SW and I wanted a url that played off “Knights of the Old Republic” 

following: 290

followers: 263

average hours of sleep: Usually 5 to 6 

lucky number: 13 (I don’t know why but I’ve always loved this number)

instruments: Can’t really play one, but I tend to lean towards string instruments. 

what am i wearing: Sweat pants, a baggy shirt, and socks. 

favorite  foods: Anything pumpkin, Indian, sweet potatoes, bagels, and butternut squash.

nationality: American

favorite song: Ughhhhh… this is impossible. I guess Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac or Cosmic Love by Florence + The Machine.

favorite color: Blue

number of blankets: As many as I can stand until I get hot

dream trip: Umm…either to Ireland or Italy

last show i watched: Psycho-Pass (Season 2)

when did i create my blog: I think 4 years ago?

dream job: A therapist for troubled teens

I tag @theconsultingkingslayer @villainouswebsandshadows @kmomof4 @waterlilyrose @renskywalker @showmethewaysoftheforce @vinventure12 @renlovesrey @hersisterskeeper