#kakashi Imagine

[cake-writes]

Just This Once

Pairing: Kakashi x Female!Reader

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, he gets lost in the sauce frfr, situationship… ish?, this man wants to RUN, disorganised attachment style (primarily avoidant), penis in vagina sex, teasing, edging (accidental), unprotected sex, creampie

Word Count: 5.3k

Summary: Kakashi discovers that he has a breeding kink. It's kind of a spiritual experience.

Inspired by @rookie98writes's fic Leave It On

—

Kakashi isn’t used to the strange sort of domesticity that comes with being in a... whatever this is. It’s not quite a relationship. A situationship, maybe. He’d say it’s something more than friends-with-benefits, but the two of you aren’t really friends, either.  

You come together every now and then. That’s all. Like two passing ships in the night. 

So why is he standing in front of your stove, cooking dinner while you sort through the pile of unopened mail on your kitchen table? Why did he offer to water your plants while you were gone? Why does he want to do anything for you? 

Kakashi knows what it’s like trying to play catch-up after some time away from home—two months, in your case. He’d knocked on your door a few minutes ago with the intention of returning your key, and he must have caught you right after you got back from the store if the two bags of groceries on your kitchen counter were any indication. 

You looked so dead on your feet that Kakashi took over from there, unprompted. But now, as he stirs the pot of flavourful soup simmering away on the stove, his mind sees fit to wander.  

What the hell is he doing?  

He’s getting too attached. That’s what he’s doing.  

It’s that time again—time to cut and run, just as he always does when things start to become complicated. Kakashi makes a habit of ending any potential connection before it can even start, because he can’t afford to lose anyone else. He can’t get hurt if he never lets anyone in. It’s easier that way. 

“I need to schedule my injection,” you mutter to yourself as you read through one particular letter. Then you sigh and toss it back down onto the table, before you lean back in your chair and rub your tired eyes. “We should probably get used to using condoms again until I can book an appointment.” 

Your birth control must be overdue, then.  

“Sure,” Kakashi answers, feigning unbothered. The two of you used condoms in the beginning, but after a particularly gruesome mission that nearly saw him home in a box, Kakashi stopped reaching for the bedside drawer, and you stopped asking him to.  

He should have known then that he was getting too attached. 

Still, it’s your body. Whatever you want. He’ll end things in the morning either way. 

As Kakashi samples a bit of the soup he’s minding on the stove, pausing for a moment to add a bit more salt, it suddenly sinks in – really sinks in – what could happen if the two of you aren’t careful.  

He could get you pregnant. 

A jolt of arousal shoots through him.

Kakashi doesn’t want children, not now, not ever, which is why it doesn’t make a lick of sense that such a thing would turn him on. He likes the idea of his seed taking root inside of you. He might even enjoy it, the imagery his mind conjures—you bent over for him, begging him to give you a baby, your pretty yukata hiked up around your waist…  

His clan crest embroidered on the back of it.  

Kakashi swears.

You startle, looking over at him in alarm. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he lies. Then he proceeds to play it off like he burned himself, but he isn’t fine. No, that single thought, that single fantasy, scares the complete and utter shit out of him—but it turns him on even more, and that’s so much worse.  

He’s already too attached. 

—

Kakashi doesn’t do feelings. He has them, of course, much like any other person, but he doesn’t let them show very often, and he certainly doesn’t talk about them. He won’t say in so many words that he cares; instead, he shows you through his actions alone. 

His knees brush the underside of your thighs as he settles between your legs, bracing himself with one hand beside your head.  

What a vision you make, spread out for him like this.  

Your lamp had blown when you went to turn it on, leaving the streetlights to illuminate your features in a sickly hue of yellow-green. It isn’t romantic in the least, but he can’t help thinking that you’ve never looked more beautiful than in this moment—maybe because it’s the last time he’ll ever get to see you like this.  

The sight of you, so needy and wanting, fills his chest with something bittersweet.  

The tomoe of his sharingan spins lazily as he memorises the curves of your body, the muss of your hair, the rise and fall of your chest as you work to recover from your first orgasm of the night. His fingers are still tacky with your essence, and he smears the residual wetness over the head of his cock.

“You should wear a condom,” comes your breathy whisper, but you make no move to stop him. Your eyes almost seem to glow as you peer up at him in the dark, worrying your lower lip between your teeth. 

“Mm. Do you want me to?” 

His question hangs heavy in the air. The only things Kakashi can hear are your soft breaths and the sound of his own steady heartbeat, which quickens with every silent second that passes.  

You want to say no, he realises.  

He wants you to say no. 

“I like it better without,” you answer quietly, and the implication isn’t lost on him. Not when you look up at him with those big doe eyes, like you don’t know the risk. 

Because there is a risk, and he knows it. Kakashi hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it all night—wicked thoughts, terrible thoughts—thoughts of filling your fertile womb with his seed, thoughts of watching your belly grow round with his child, thoughts of seeing his clan sigil stamped between your shoulder blades like a mark of ownership. 

His.  

Against his better judgement, Kakashi does exactly what he shouldn’t do. He agrees.

“Just this once.”  

Just like he says every other time—except every other time, there's never been a risk.

Your coy little smile prompts him to lower down onto an arm and settle more of his weight on you. Kakashi dips his head to kiss you indulgently, savouring the taste of you, the feel of you beneath him. He kisses you like he hopes to convey just how much he missed you while you were gone, like you might be able to taste the unspoken words that linger in his mouth. 

He kisses you like he means it—and he does. That’s why he needs to go. 

As his tongue twines with yours, Kakashi fills you in a slow, beautiful glide that wrenches a whimper from your throat. He knows he should go easy on you, but he relishes in the rapid flutter of your walls as you struggle to adjust to him after so much time apart. A surge of masculine pride washes over him, tinged with a hint of guilt for stretching you open like this. He isn’t exactly small, after all, but you take him so well. 

To ease any potential discomfort, he smooths his hand up the silky skin of your thigh in a soothing caress, before he trails gentle, placating kisses along your jawline. “Is this okay?” Kakashi asks, voice low, only to be rewarded with a particularly strong contraction that makes his toes curl. 

“More than okay,” you sigh. 

As a test, he shifts his hips. When Kakashi hears your breath hitch, he knows that you can handle more.  

He starts slow, rocking into you sensually, but he already knows that he isn’t going to last. It’s been just as long for him, and you’re tighter than you’ve ever been.  

“God, Kakashi, you feel so good.”  

So do you. Kakashi sucks a bruise on your neck in response, if only to muffle the sound of his own pleasure when your perfect cunt clenches around him again.  

He needs to pace himself, or he’ll finish too soon—but then you ask him for more, and what else can he do but oblige you?

He speeds up, not overly so, just enough that both of you can hear the slick, sloppy sounds of your lovemaking. The smell of your arousal permeates the air, and he’s tempted to have another taste. 

Later. 

“You’re so wet,” he murmurs into your ear. “Did you miss me that much?” 

Maybe he’s reassurance-seeking – just a little – but your answering whine tells him what he already knows. 

He’ll miss this. He’ll miss you. That’s why he needs to go. 

Kakashi doesn't want to think about that. He just wants to enjoy what little time with you he has left.

“Stay with me,” you rasp. You’ve always been good at noticing when he’s stuck in his head, but right now, Kakashi can’t help but wonder if you’ve just read his thoughts. You see through him so easily. It’s one of the things he likes about you. 

“Sorry,” he says with genuine apology, leaning in to capture your lips again. You let out a pleased hum into his mouth and lift your thighs up a little higher—an offering, one he’s more than happy to accept, even if he doesn’t plan to reciprocate your vulnerability.

It’s selfish, he knows. 

The new angle does something to him, or maybe it’s because he's well aware that it would be even easier to fill you up this way. He reaches deeper like this, and the tilt of your hips would perfectly hold his cum in place, increasing the chances that it’ll take. 

He wants it to take. 

Kakashi exhales a long, shaky breath. He shouldn’t want that as much as he does. He shouldn’t want it at all.  

“Close?”  

Yes, but he’s not going to tell you that. Kakashi pulls back to look at you, only to find you gazing up at him like he’s hung the moon. It makes his heart ache.  

He stamps it down. “I could be,” he teases lightly—a non-answer. “Are you?” 

When you open your mouth to respond, however, he snaps his hips forward suddenly to make you trip over your words. “I—shit,” you swear, and his eyes shine with silent laughter. Your own narrow playfully as you add, “I could be too, if you keep that up.”  

“Really?” 

To pick on you a little, Kakashi withdraws from your tight heat more slowly than he has all night, agonisingly slowly, until only the head of him remains inside; and then he lingers there, purposely, until the stirrings of impatience start to take you over.  

It’s cute, the frown you give him, the pout he sees beginning to form. “Don’t be mean,” you tell him sulkily. 

His lips tug up at the corners, revealing a hint of prominent canine. “Maa, I didn’t realise you were in a rush,” Kakashi drawls. “And here I wanted to take my time with you.”  

Before you can read too much into what he’s just said, he slams home. Hard.

Your startled gasp brings on a flicker of self-satisfaction deep within. Kakashi relishes in the knowledge that only he can make you feel like this—especially when he starts to fuck you in earnest, prompting you to fling your arms around his shoulders.  

“F-Fuck, Kakashi, oh my god—” 

“That’s it,” he encourages gently. “Hold onto me.”

He likes the closeness of it, the intimacy.

You cling to him like your life depends on it, which brings about a funny feeling in his chest that he can’t quite shake—something warm and gooey and affectionate.  

Kakashi stamps that down, too, and traces the line of your neck with his tongue, kissing and sucking at your sensitive skin until you shiver. Seeing your throat so littered with love bites unearths something within him, something primal that he’s always refused to name. He likes seeing the marks he’s left on you. He wants them to mean something.

He wants them to mean that you’re his. 

He’s too attached. 

To distract himself from what he intends to do in the morning, Kakashi picks up the pace, flesh smacking against flesh as he drives his hips into yours, fast and rough, exactly how you want it.  

It won't last long. He’s too worked up. 

Kakashi knows he’ll come before you do if he continues like this, but when he tries to slow down, you dig your heels insistently into his ass. 

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop, please—” 

“I’ll have to pull out soon,” he says raggedly, even though the thought of finishing in you already has him ready to blow.

When Kakashi feels you lock your ankles behind him, he nearly does.  

“I want it inside,” you whine, your breath fanning hot over the shell of his ear.  

His thoughts screech to a halt. You want him to come inside you, knock you up— 

“Fuck,” he curses, stopping abruptly, buried all the way to the hilt. His cock throbs wildly, desperate for release, forcing him to tightly grip the the sheets above your head in order to stave it off. 

If he moves right now, he’s done for.  

When you make a quiet, frustrated sound deep in your throat and wiggle your hips, Kakashi barely manages to hang on. He can feel that tell-tale flutter inside of you, the one that indicates exactly how close you are, but he’s closer. His breaths come out in short, sharp pants as he tries to hold himself together.  

You finish first. Always. 

“Don’t be mean,” you say again, but you sound a little more petulant this time.  

Kakashi lets out an exhausted sort of laugh and presses a wet smack of a kiss against your cheek, making you giggle. “You like it when I’m mean.”  

“I like it when you’re nice,” you clap back, voice breathy. 

Kakashi hums knowingly. “All right. I can be nice.”  

Then he pulls back just enough to pepper your face with kisses, and you squeal in delight, though it soon tapers off into a moan when he starts to trail them down your throat, each one more sensual than the last. He palms one of your breasts, gently squeezing, tweaking a nipple— 

“Come on,” you whine, digging your heels into his ass a second time. 

No more teasing. You want him to be nice.

You inhale sharply when Kakashi picks back up where he left off, this time with quick, shallow thrusts that target your g-spot. He smooths his hand down your side, savouring the softness of your skin, then he slides it in between your bodies to rub your clit in just the way you like—the way he remembers you like, because he’s too fucking attached. And sure enough, when your hips buck from the added sensation, he knows that it’s working for you. 

“If you—If you edge me again, I swear to god—” 

Upon hearing the indignation in your voice, Kakashi laughs softly. “I won’t.” 

Then he remembers that he won’t have a chance to edge you again. Not after tonight. 

His jaw tenses at the reminder. 

“Fuck, I’m so close,” you gasp, holding onto him, needing him, which pulls him right back into the present. “Come with me. Please?” 

Kakashi bites back a groan and slides in deeper, readying to do what his body craves. 

No. He can’t come with you. He’d have to finish inside in order for that to happen. 

And just like that, he’s back to teetering on the edge. The filth his mind conjures nearly proves to be his undoing—a vivid image of your tight, wet cunt wringing out every drop of his cum until it takes, tying you to him, making you need him. Making you his. The threat of it simmers under his skin, but it’s starting to feel more like a guarantee. 

Get her there, then pull out. 

Kakashi repeats those words in his head like a mantra, over and over, like it’ll ensure that he lasts, and it works—at least until you start to move your hips in time with his thrusts. You meet him at the perfect angle, sucking him deep on every stroke, allowing him to slide just beyond your cervix and into that spot that sends your voice into a fever pitch. 

A choked sob escapes you as you rake your nails down his back, leaving red lines in your wake. The sting of it only sends him higher, and he sinks his teeth into the junction of your neck and shoulder to prevent himself from blowing too soon. 

“Right there, Kakashi, right fucking there—” 

Right there, so deep within you that if he came right now— 

He groans when he imagines what would happen, and it all ends with his baby in your belly and his family crest on your back. It shouldn’t turn him on as much as it does, yet he fucks into you with purpose, now—hard, deep, powerful thrusts that knock your headboard into the wall. 

Kakashi knows exactly what that purpose is. The primal part of his brain won’t let him forget it. 

“Yes, just like that, fuck me, make me fucking yours—” 

He kisses you to shut you up, because if he hears another syllable, he’s sure to fill you to the brim. It’s not a gentle kiss, not now. He holds your head in place with a firm grip on your jaw, shoves his tongue into your mouth, and still, he recites his mantra. 

Get her there, then pull out.  

Get her there, then pull out.  

Get her there, then—  

You jerk your head away to gulp in a breath of fresh air, chest heaving from exertion, and Kakashi’s eyes sweep over your face for any sign of discomfort. What he finds is the opposite, and he drinks in the pleasured scrunch of your brows, the hazy flutter of your eyelids, the kiss-swollen state of your lips. 

Watching your muscles tense and strain as you struggle to keep your eyes on his is one of the most intimate things he’s ever experienced. “Come inside me,” you beg, and he can hear the desperation there, see it written all over your pretty face. “I need it, I fucking need it, Kakashi, give me your cum—” 

“I’ll give it to you,” he chokes out. Anything for you. Anything you want. 

The way your fingers wrench into his hair belies a hunger that matches his own as you drag him down for another kiss, messy and insistent, demanding that he make good on his promise to pump you full. He can feel the ripple of your inner walls as you come undone, feel the painfully tight squeeze of your legs around his waist, holding him there, ensuring that he stays; and never in his life has he felt so overwhelmed.  

He can’t pull out. Not now. Not when you’re so willing to milk him dry. 

Kakashi kisses you with everything that he is as he shoves himself impossibly deep inside of you, acting solely on instinct to drown your cervix in hot, sticky spend. He lets out a sound of pure male satisfaction that you eagerly swallow down, your tongue massaging his in tune with every erratic jerk of his hips as he empties himself inside of you, painting your insides white.

It feels good. It feels right. 

He’s too attached. 

He doesn’t care. 

As he comes down from his high, all Kakashi can think about is how fucking risky it is, what he’s just done, which only ruins him more when the post-orgasm clarity finally hits. 

Why the hell did he do that?  

What the hell did he do?

Your thighs tremble and shake, a sign that he’s done his job well, though he feels no pride in it—just a growing sense of panic.  

He needs to go. He needs to go right now. Not tomorrow. Now. He needs to get the hell out of here and never look back, right fucking now.  

Then he hears your quiet sob, and his heart leaps into his throat. Kakashi jerks his head down to look at you, and when he sees the tears rolling down your cheeks, he actually does panic.  

“Did I—Shit,” he quickly pulls out to check on you, more attentive than he’s ever been, “Did I hurt you?” 

It wouldn’t be the first time he’s accidentally hurt a woman during sex, but he really should have taken it easier on you. He probably went too deep, hit your cervix too hard. 

“No,” you sniffle. “I’m fine. I just... I really missed you.” 

Fuck. Don’t say that. You’ll make him want to stay.  

His eyes soften as they trail over your features – the colour of your irises, the slope of your nose, the curve of your lips – and he gently smooths your tears away with the backs of his fingers. “I didn’t hurt you?” 

You shake your head and offer him a watery smile. “I also came really, really hard,” you add matter-of-factly, and he huffs out a relieved laugh. It’s hormonal, then. “They’re happy tears, Kakashi. Calm down.” 

Teasing or not, someone telling him of all people to calm down is an otherworldly experience. The phrase lands strangely, and for the first time since he came to see you tonight, his thoughts quiet down to a dull background murmur. 

They’re happy tears, you said. 

You’re happy with him. 

He’s happy with you, too. He doesn’t want to go. 

You frown, then, and lean up onto your elbows to look at him more closely. “What’s wrong?”  

Kakashi can’t be sure what you see in his expression to warrant that sort of question, but the fight finally leaves him. He sits back on his heels and drags a hand down his face, feeling defeated for a reason he can’t explain.  

“I was just...” Happy, for a moment. Happy to be with you. “Worried,” he finishes lamely. He can’t look at you, not when he feels the heat of a blush creeping up his neck. 

You laugh and gently cup the side of his face, turning him back towards you. “Okay. Well, I’m fine,” you pat his cheek in playful reprimand, “but I am leaking all over my clean sheets, and it’s your fault, so...”  

That draws his attention. When Kakashi sees the creamy mess spilling out of you, his flaccid cock twitches with interest even after he remembers why his stomach is in knots.  

“Sorry,” he says hoarsely, transfixed by the sight. 

He wants to do it again.

He shouldn’t want to do it again. He feels fucking crazy for having done it once already, when the two of you aren’t even in a relationship, let alone in any way prepared for a child. But again? A second time? He’d have to be certifiably insane. 

“It’s fine,” you reassure him, and Kakashi wonders how the hell you can possibly be taking it so in stride. He came a lot. There’s so much of it dripping out onto the sheets that it’s starting to create a small puddle under your ass, and there’s even more inside of you—a lot more, judging by how hard he came. 

It might take. It might seriously take, and you think it’s fine? 

“You’re doing it again,” you tell him, and his eyes snap back up to yours. He’s in his head again, you mean. Then you chew your lip for a moment, hesitation evident, before you ask carefully, “You’ve been acting a little… off tonight. Is everything okay?”  

Every single one of his instincts is telling him to run. That’s where this conversation always leads, but he’s not ready for it. Not yet. Maybe not ever. 

He swallows the lump in his throat. “I’m fine.” 

When you frown at him, skeptical, Kakashi shifts uncomfortably under your gaze.  

“Okay. I won’t pry. But, um, I’m here. You know. If you ever need to talk.” You say it a little awkwardly, like you aren’t sure if he’d be offended by the suggestion, and the worried crease between your brows only grows at whatever you see in his expression. “Or... Or not.” 

You laugh nervously, then, and shift away from him, only to wrinkle your nose when more of his cum oozes out of you.  

It’s cute. You’re cute. 

“You said it’s fine. Why?” The question leaves him before he even thinks it through, but it’s too late, now.  

“What?” 

This wasn’t the first time he’s come inside of you, not by a long shot, but it’s certainly the riskiest. “I finished inside. Aren’t you upset?” 

“What do you mean? You finish inside me all the—” Then you stop, and your brows shoot straight up onto your forehead. “Wait, is this about my birth control?”  

“Well, it’s overdue, isn’t it?”  

You stare at him for a prolonged moment, and he can almost see the gears turning in your head. Then your nostrils flare. “Are you kidding me? You thought my birth control was overdue, and you still—” Scandalised, you slap him on the arm. “Kakashi!” 

Oh. Well. It must not be overdue yet, then. 

Of course you wouldn’t let him come inside if there was a chance that you might conceive. He’s a fucking idiot. 

“That’s so bad! What if you got me pregnant?” 

A lick of heat shoots up his spine upon hearing you give voice to what’s been on his mind all night. Kakashi stares at you, wide eyed, and blushes all the way to the tips of his ears.  

You study his face for a moment, before you purse your lips, looking a little troubled. Or pissed off. He can’t really tell. “I mean... Did you want to get me pregnant?” 

“No,” he rushes to say, his cheeks burning hot because yes, he did, but not for real.  “No. Not at all. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, and...”  

And how the hell is he supposed to explain himself? Neither of you are exactly vanilla, you’ve explored a number of kinks together, but this is something else entirely. Then again, a breeding kink would make the most sense out of any, considering it stems from a biological urge to procreate. 

But would you even believe him if he said he only gets off to the fantasy of it, and not the reality? Because if a woman ever said that to him, he’d get the hell out of dodge as fast as he could. 

A sly smile tugs at your lips, then, a knowing smile, and Kakashi quickly averts his eyes to the window, embarrassed. 

“You like it, don’t you?” you hum, seductively walking your fingers along his bare shoulders. “You like the idea of knocking me up.” 

Refusing to look at you, Kakashi clears his throat, trying to ignore the arousal that comes on from your suggestive tone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“No?” The sheets rustle as you reposition yourself, and then, when your fingers delicately wrap around his cock, he inhales sharply and bites the inside of his cheek. “Then why are you so hard?”  

And he is, too. He’s already fully erect and ready for another round, and he knows that there’s no way to lie his way out of it anymore. As you start to work your hand over him in slow, sensual strokes, up and down, coaxing the answer out of him, his head drops back. “Because,” he rasps.  

The sheets shift again, and then you crawl into his lap. He welcomes you gladly, splaying his hand over your lower back to steady you, though he still can’t meet your gaze. He’s too embarrassed. 

“Because why?” you hum. Kakashi lets out a pleasured sigh as you kiss and suck your way up the side of his neck, stroking him steadily, before you purr into his ear, “Because you want to give me a baby?” 

A soft sound of approval rips out of his throat, and his cock twitches into your palm. “Don’t—Don’t say that,” he pleads. 

“Hm? Why not?” 

To hell with it. No sense in hiding it anymore. “Because I might actually do it.” 

“Yeah?” Your teeth tug playfully at his earlobe before you pull back to look at him, and Kakashi finally wills himself to meet your sultry gaze, humiliated though he is. “You know,” you muse, “I don’t like condoms for a reason. I wonder why?” 

The breath leaves his lungs with a whoosh.

Oh, he should have known. You’re just as filthy as he is. Of course you’d have a breeding kink, too, though he’s exceedingly grateful that you’d kept it to yourself until now. You’ve never been shy about sharing the things you enjoy, which means you probably figured out how he’d react. That’s the only explanation. 

He likes that you understand him as well as you do. 

He likes you.

“I think I might be able to guess,” Kakashi says knowingly, a smile playing at his lips. When he leans in to kiss you again, all he can think is: maybe it’s not a bad thing to be too attached. 

-

Snippet #1:

“You said it was overdue,” Kakashi tells you pointedly.

“No, I said I needed to make an appointment,” you correct, and he can see that you’re struggling not to laugh. “I still have, like, a week left on it. Ish. It doesn’t hurt to be careful.” 

While you cook breakfast for the two of you, Kakashi wraps his arms around your waist from behind and traces the shell of your ear with his tongue.  “What if I don’t want to be careful?”  

He feels the shiver wrack your body, but then you do laugh at him. “Down, boy. Three rounds wasn’t enough for you?” 

“Oh, I don’t know...” Kakashi pulls you back against him, allowing you to feel the answer for yourself, hard and insistent against your ass. “You tell me.” 

-

Snippet #2:

Kakashi hides his face in your pillow, feeling distinctly vulnerable without his mask. “Don’t tease me,” he groans, muffled. “I have a delicate constitution.” 

You cackle at his discomfort, like the cruel woman you are. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I’m really, really curious.” Then you hum thoughtfully. “Do you want to know one of mine?” 

He lifts his head just enough to reveal one curious eye. 

You squirm a little, then, like you’re finally starting to realise exactly how embarrassing it is to talk about. “I, um...” A pause. “So, you know how...” Another pause, and you take a deep breath. “Okay. I like to imagine that I'm being used to—to repopulate a clan, I guess. Just, over and over. Lots of kids. But not for real.” 

He feels another jolt of arousal at your admission. 

Looks like you’re on the same page, then. 

Then Kakashi leans up onto his elbow to regard you properly, and then he lifts an eyebrow, as if to point out how closely that particular fantasy hits to home. 

That’s when you seem to realise who you’re talking to – the sole remaining member of a clan that could probably stand to be repopulated – and your eyes go wide, before you nearly trip over yourself to add, “It—It has nothing to do with your clan, specifically, Kakashi, it’s just—” 

“A fantasy,” he finishes for you, amused. 

 You worry your lip between your teeth and nod. 

“Well,” Kakashi says, considering his answer for a moment, “I might have imagined that, too. Specifically.” Then he gives you a roguish grin, intending to pay you back in kind for your teasing. “How many children do you think would be enough for my clan to be sufficiently repopulated, hm? I’m thinking eight.” 

Mortified, you bury your face in your hands. “Oh my god! Eight?” 

Payback’s a bitch. “Well, I was originally going to say ten, but—” 

When you squeal in embarrassment and yank the blankets over your head, Kakashi barely manages to stifle a laugh.  

—

A/N: This is the first thing I've posted in a hot minute, so your feedback would mean a lot - please let me know what you think :)

[marvelmymarvel]

Stupid Plushy

Kakashi x NarutoMotherFigure!Reader

Synopsis: When Kakashi comes back from a tough mission, all he wants to do is snuggle into you and fall asleep, but a certain training dummy is in his spot, and he is not happy about it.

Kakashi sighed as he pushed open the door to the bedroom, happy to see that you were fast asleep in the king-sized bed. The mission was more complicated than they anticipated and all he wanted to do was come back home to you and pass out in your embrace, but his eyes narrowed when he got closer to you. In your arms, you were hugging a plushy close to your body. The plushy looked just like Kakashi and he wondered where you had gotten it from and, more importantly, how long you had it. 

The sleepiness started to fill his veins and all of his questions left his mind as he reached down to pull the plush from your arms, but you moaned in distress and tightened your grip on it. Kakashi groaned quietly as he once again tried to wrestle the comforting item from you, hoping that if he could replace it with himself, you would calm down again. 

“Y/n, baby come on-”

Your eyes flicked open as he managed to get the toy from you, “No” you huffed as you ripped the toy back. His eyes widened at your grumpy face and tired eyes, maybe you were still half asleep and didn't realize it was him. “I want to hold you” Kakashi whined as he reached for the plush item that looked like him, but you shook your head no once more. “You’ll have to spoon me, I’m comfy…” 

Kakashi’s jaw dropped as you rolled over onto your other side, leaving him standing there in both disbelief and slight jealousy that you chose a look-alike of him over the real thing. The fight though wasn't worth it, he decided, as he slid off his clothes and climbed in behind you. His arm wrapped around your middle before he hauled you back into his chest, “Where did you even get that thing???” Kakashi breathed out as he nuzzled his nose into your neck. You leaned back into his embrace, “It’s Narutos” 

Kakashi’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but realization dawned on him. This was Naruto’s training dummy. When he first saw it in Naruto’s room some years ago, he was concerned as to why out of all of the people, Naruto chose him to be his training dummy, but it made sense now as to why you suddenly had a look-alike in your grasps. “How long ago did you steal it from him?” Kakashi mused as he pressed a kiss against your skin.

“When I found it under his bed while cleaning his room… Maybe 2 years ago?” 

Kakashi chuckled before squeezing your side, “Despite him not being your real kid, I see where he gets his weirdness from- OW”

Your hand slapped his before grumbling out threats, making him squeeze harder in response. “Don't be a jerk… I don't cuddle with it often…”

Kakashi paused at that, racking his brain to find a proper way to ask how often you did cuddle it, considering most nights he stayed with you. He opened his mouth to blurt out the question but your soft snores cut him off, leaving him with more questions than he had answers for. His eyes lowered to the plush in your hands, its face was pressed firmly in your chest, the best place to lay for a good night's rest. The jealousy once more filled him as he pulled you closer to him. 

“Stupid plushy.”

[kazuha-pista-badam]

kakashi the type of person to blush when you guys accidentally touch hands bcs he's so fucking touch starved

[pupkashi]

do u guys think kakashi would flirt with you when he’s drunk, cheeks flushed and words slurred as he tries terrible pick up lines on you

“you believe in love at first sight?” he asks, “or should i walk by again?” the incessant giggles that leave his lips having you smiling and shaking your head.

“kashi we’ve been dating for two years,” you smile, watching as he pouts at your statement.

“cant you go along just once!” he whines, strong arms wrapping around your waist as his head nuzzles into your neck, sighing a bit before his eyes flutter shut.

“okay okay,” you sigh, a smile still on your face as you continue, “I’ll go along with it this time, promise.”

his silver bangs cover his eyes slightly, hair messy from whatever competition he had been doing with guy earlier in the night. his eyes light up at your words, walking away from you, only to turn on his heel and walk right back up to you.

“do you have a band-aid? ‘cause i think i just fell for you,” he smiles, giddy as you flush slightly, a grin tugging at your lips as he stares back at you, eyes lingering on your lips a bit longer than usual.

“we’ll i wouldn’t want that scrape to get infected, maybe i should clean it up for you,” you purr, your hand finding it’s way to his t shirt collar as you tug him closer to you, “what do you say we go take care of that, hm?”

kakashi sputters out a half ‘yes’ and a half ‘please,’ cheeks burning and heart jumping out his chest as he watches you get on your tippy toes and place a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“how was that for playing along,” you tease, laughing as he stumbles back and clears his throat a bit.

“we should get home it’s late and i need to get home,” he stutters out, “home with you,” he mumbles, walking backwards and saying a chaste goodbye to his friends, before rushing back over to you and tugging you out of the bar.

“we’ll aren’t you in a rush to get home” you laugh, his arm is slung over your shoulders under the guise of ‘keeping you warm and close to him,’ but you know better.

you can tell from the stumble in his steps and the way he’s swaying with cold wind he’s much drunker than he was letting on in the bar. giggling at your every word, you’re not sure if the flush of his cheeks is the alcohol, the chilly breeze hitting them, or your shower of compliments.

kakashi doesn’t care how silly he looks, admiring how utterly beautiful you look as you help him up the stairs, how funny you are when you’re re-teaching him how to brush his teeth and helping him into bed after untangling him from his clothes.

the world is spinning when his head finally hits his pillow, sighing happily when he feels the bed dip under your weight, already scooting closer to you.

“can we cuddle?” he whispers, eyes closed as he whispers. he doesn’t see the softest smile on your lips or the shining look of love in your eyes as you stare at the silver haired jonin.

“‘course we can kashi,” you whisper back, pulling him close to you and holding him tightly, kissing his forehead before closing your eyes.

kakashi woke up extremely hungover the next day, head throbbing and sunshine way too bright for his liking.

“good morning lover boy,” you giggle, aspirin in hand alongside a cup of water, “made us some breakfast, hopefully it’ll help with the headache I’m sure you’ve got.”

kakashi doesn’t say much of anything, eyes still half closed as he takes the medicine from you, mumbling what you can only assume is a ‘thank you,’ before he’s laying back down, blanket over his head.

a/n: GODDDD I HAVENT WRITTEN FOR MY LOVER IN SO LONG I MISSED HIM !!! I YEARNED FOR HIM !!!!! he’s so my everything i love him i love him i love him <333

masterlist

[dreadsuitsamus]

Jitters | Kakashi Hatake x Reader |

author's note: i'm back with more papashi, babes! this is set in the same au verse as the others, though can be read standalone! if you'd like to read the others and get caught up on some certain background info, you can find the other works in my masterlist!

pairing: kakashi hatake x fem!reader

warnings: naruto and sasuke are the adopted sons of reader and kakashi, modern au, fluff

The dreaded day has come, though it's you that's calm and collected about it. The boys are old enough to ride the bus to school, they want to ride the bus to school, and after one last summer vacation of your boys being your little babies, they've grown up just a little bit.

"We're gonna be firs' graders, Mama!" Naruto argued with you and his father, Sasuke nodding beside him with a determined frown.

"It's time to let them be men already?" Kakashi mutters into the pillow as you shut off the noisy alarm clock.

An ungraceful snort leaves you. "Men that require Mommy's kisses for their boo-boos are hardly men."

"To be fair to them," Kakashi flips over onto his back, gazing at you with a little curve of his lips and a mischievous glint in his eye. "Your kisses have healing properties."

Laughing gently at your husband's silliness, your palm finds his chest just as your lips press to the scar over his left eye. Humming in disappointment, you don't pull away far. "Strange, it didn't heal that."

"It's an old scar; that'll take a lot more kisses." Those big hands find your body, one attaching to your hip while the other cups your face and guides you down for a kiss.

It's warm under these covers, your legs tangled during your soft kiss. Mornings like these have only just started coming back now that Naruto doesn't wake up so early and Sasuke doesn't sneak into your bed in the middle of the night nearly as often as he used to. Kakashi's lengthy fingers dig into the fabric of your nightgown, twisting it tightly as he wills the kiss to last.

As soon as you part, you'll be off to wake the boys up for their first day of first grade. And he's just not quite ready for that step.

Your lips vibrate with a soft laugh, privy to his intentions but unable to humor him long. "Darling…"

Kakashi flips your positions, slotting himself above you and pinning your hands over your head delicately, his forefingers and thumbs massaging at your wrists. "Hmm?"

"You don't want the boys to be late on their first day, do you?"

"That's certainly fine by me." Your husband murmurs, his nose finding a lovely spot on your shoulder to rub against. "My boys are safe here, home with Momma and Papa…"

"My love, they need to go to school." You coo up at Kakashi, watching as he pouts at just how reasonable you are.

"I don't want them to." He mumbles, the pitiful thing. Letting those boys grow up is killing him! They tie their own shoes, wipe their own faces, they're better than him at video games now! Before he knows it, they'll start asking for advice on girls! As if he knows how the hell he landed such a perfect wife??

"Relax." You wiggle your wrists from his weak hold, cupping his face gently. "They're not leaving for college. You're still going to have to wrestle Naruto into the bathtub tonight, and Sasuke is definitely going to want to snuggle after school to calm his nerves after such an extensive amount of time around people. Our boys aren't babies anymore, but they're still our babies. They're not going anywhere."

"I hate when you talk sense into me." Kakashi sighs and rolls off of you, laying forlornly as you take the opportunity to get out of bed and head down the hall.

Peeking inside the boys' bedroom, you smile at the sleepy kids. Naruto's comforter hangs off his bed, mimicking the boy himself as more than half of himself hangs precariously off the side. And the boy wonders why you and Kakashi would never let them have a bunk bed! Sasuke's curled into a tight ball, blankets secured around him in a cocoon of warmth, his old baby blankie featuring a baby Bugs Bunny and friends no doubt held tightly to his chest underneath the pile.

"Boys…" Your voice is gentle, neither boy moving just yet. It's been a long summer vacation, and kindergarten was hardly the true school experience. This is the first year of twelve and they've got a long way to go and many early days ahead of them— and if Kakashi were to have his way, they'd get to sleep in for a whole extra hour.

But if there were certainly any time for you to put your foot down, it's now.

"Time for school!" Your cheerful smile is genuine as you saunter in, watching Naruto wake with a dramatic startle and finish falling off of his bed. There's not even a chance for concern to blossom in your chest, though, as the little blond ball of sunshine is up and jumping around.

"Firs' day o' school!"

Your raven-haired sweetheart, however, isn't quite as excitable as his brother.

"Shut up!" He grumbles, throwing his favorite Squishmallow at Naruto. It lands perfectly in Naruto's face, and before you've even opened your mouth to defuse things, Naruto jumps right onto Sasuke with a hearty yell and a swing of the stuffed animal right back where it came from.

"Hey!" Sasuke growls and just like that, the boys are wrestling around, Sasuke's blankets getting twisted as his legs fight for an opening to better kick his brother with.

You sigh to yourself and begin the process of intervention, the task not undoable but your hips are certainly getting too old for this. "Stop it, boys! This is not how we get ready for school!"

"HE STARTED IT!" They yell back, defending themselves whilst simultaneously pushing at one another.

"Naruto! Sasuke!"

The boys freeze while a satisfied shiver follows the curve of your spine. Oh, how you love Kakashi's Dad Voice™! Your husband stands at the doorway, hands in the pockets of his sweats as his sharp eyes narrow. "Start getting ready for school, boys. Do you want to miss the bus?"

Your precious boys gasp, as if they'd forgotten what they've been so excited for! Feeling safe in the decision to start cooking breakfast, your husband walks hand in hand with you down the stairs. Finding one specific spot on his bicep to be too kissless, you can't help planting a soft smooch just before you enter the kitchen. "You've sure turned that frown upside down."

"You know I don't like it when they give you trouble."

"Tch, they hardly know any other way to act." You smile to yourself though, knowing that it's not their intention to be little pains in the butt.

Kakashi pulls out a carton of eggs, quickly getting to work on scrambling them as you slice up fresh fruits. You work around one another beautifully, occasionally sharing a small kiss as you pass on by, and before you know it the boys are down and sitting at the dining room table, bellies hungry and bouncing with nervousness. Your husband plates the table while you give the boys a glass of their preferred juices, orange for Naruto and apple for Sasuke, and he pressed quick kisses onto each boy's head.

"Eat up, boys. You've got a big day ahead of you." You hum softly, sitting across from your husband at the small, squared mahogany table. It's always been enough to accommodate your small family, but as you watch the boys mow down their omelets and trade between their pineapples and cantaloupe, your heart cracks at the idea that the table isn't as big as it used to be. Certainly by the end of the school year, you'll have to get a bigger one.

And watching as your husband plucks a strawberry from each boy's plate, you smile warmly at the potential of maybe even having an extra place setting at the table by the beginning of the next school year.

"Alright," Kakashi claps his hands once breakfast is mere crumbs on Naruto's shirt. "Go brush your teeth and get your backpacks."

The boys scurry off, making a contest out of everything they do and racing to be the first to the sink. You keep still, listening with a little smile as Kakashi comes to stand behind you and work those large, magical hands on your shoulders. "What's on your mind?" He hums at the shell of your ear, squeezing at a particularly sore spot that you weren't even aware was aching.

"They're really growing up so fast."

"They are." He murmurs, his warm palms sliding along your shoulders. "It's not too late to keep 'em home."

Snorting rather ungracefully, you shake your head and listen to the sound of the footsteps upstairs. "Wouldn't you rather… Never mind." You shake your head at the thought— two boys are already hard enough to raise.

Your husband almost knows your mind better than you do, though. And he certainly picks up what you've left off, humming thoughtfully as he ponders the idea. "I'm not against it. It could be fun."

"I need a little more than 'fun' to go for it." You laugh and accept your husband's kiss to your cheek, officially tabling the discussion as the race back downstairs continues.

"I win!" Naruto's breathless, toothpaste staining his shirt and you pinch the bridge of your nose at the sight. His teacher is going to think the absolute worst of you and your husband.

"Good job." Kakashi spares a hand to high five the boy, softly pinching Sasuke's pouty cheek after. "Get your shoes on and then we'll go to the bus stop."

Masters at the art of shoe-tying, their laces are quickly knotted and Naruto slips his little hand into yours once you've walked out of the house. The bus stop is just at the corner, not even three houses down from home, but you can't help the relief that relaxes your bones at the way both of the boys reach for a parent's hand. They're getting bigger, but definitely still far from grown.

The neighborhood kids are gathered at the bus stop and the boys join their friends, leaving you and the other parents to socialize while waiting for the bus. Kakashi, not much of a social butterfly but not wanting to be rude, slips his arm around your waist and keeps a watchful eye out for the bus with an occasional witty comment that makes the other parents laugh. Perhaps it's his paranoia from his time in the military, but he just won't be able to truly relax until the very moment the boys are safely back home.

The long-awaited, certainly dreaded day has come. The bus rolls up, some kids hardly even offering their parents a goodbye before sprinting to the bus, and in fairness, this isn't the first rodeo for some of them. But your boys both come up for quick hugs, their eyes bright as they pull away and run to the doors together, hopping on and quickly finding themselves a seat before the bus pulls away.

"Yeah." Kakashi murmurs into your ear as you both wave at the kids, the bus pulling off and heading towards the school. "Let's have another one."

[kashi-prompts]

a little moment with protective Kakashi and his friend who is more than a friend but no one has the balls to admit it with the prompt being “don’t look now but my ex just walked in”

Title: Deserve Better

Prompt: Above

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader

Rating: T

TW: Emotional manipulation/emotional abuse, overall emotionally abusive relationship.

A/N: My brain decided to visit today. 4.5 hours later, I finally have a finished wip. Sorry it's long? I got carried away. Thanks for reading <3

***

Crickets sang their mid-summer song like a melody in your ear, chirping through the hazy aura that hung in the evening sky. Beside you, your boyfriend's sandaled feet stepped out of unison with yours, his gait a millisecond behind you, enough for you to notice.

"Everything okay, Rayuu?" You asked, feeling his clammy hand sweating beneath your lazy grip on his fingers. You glanced over at him, feeling suddenly uneasy as the two of you traveled the path back to your shared apartment. A warm breeze picked up and spun a strand of your hair from its bun. You used the moment as an excuse to let go of his hand, pushing your hair away from your eyes. 

"Fine," he murmured, his gaze settled on the ground beneath him. He didn't reach back out for your hand. Instead, he scratched the back of his neck, pushing down the brown locks at its nape. He had been quiet all day, but you had just assumed it to be exhaustion from his last mission. Now his expression seemed to go beyond a fatigued demeanor. Something was bothering him. Perhaps you had said something over dinner this evening? Or maybe you had forgotten to do something he had asked? You frowned, tipping your head quizzically at him. 

"You seem distant today," you pointed out calmly, "something on your mind?"

Rayuu looked over at you, his blue eyes soft under the golden light of the setting sun. You met his gaze, feeling your chest tighten as his eyebrows lifted slightly. Was that pity in his eyes?

"Can we sit?" he motioned to the bench close by, and you suddenly became apprehensive. Had you done something wrong? 

"What's this all about?" you sat beside him, your voice quiet as he stared out into the distance. He avoided your eyes, choosing to watch a pair of children play in a nearby field instead. He pursed his lips, pressing them together as he drew in a deep breath. 

"I don't know how to say this - so I guess I'll just come out and say it. I've met someone," Rayuu said all at once, his elbows balanced at his knees as he continued to avoid your gaze. Your stomach twisted, a strange icy chill spinning down the center of your spine at his words. Your world careened to a stop. 

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he sighed, his head sagging, "it all happened so suddenly. I didn't mean for it to be like this."

His shoulders tensed under what he knew was an icy gaze staring back at him. If he had chosen to break up with you because of something you had done, that would be one thing. But choosing another woman? After two years together?  

"How could you - .... ? You're leaving me? Have you? Have you already slept with her?" you asked him coldly, your voice steady despite your hands shaking in your lap. Your fingers twitched in your legs, vanquishing the urge to not shove a kunai directly into his eye. He didn't answer. Instead, he lifted his gaze away from you. Coward.

"How long?"

His shoulders lifted as he drew another deep breath in, his eyelashes settling on his cheekbones as he closed his eyes. How could someone you love turn into a complete stranger in mere moments? 

"How long, Rayuu?" 

"4 months." 

Another punch to the stomach. Your mind went blank. 

"How could you do this?" you asked quietly after a few incredulous moments passed where you searched for the words in your mind. Your thoughts rode on a carousel of abuses you wished to hurl at him, your tongue sharp with acid and malice. You wanted to hurt him just as he had to you. Yet, you knew it would do you no good. He had made up his mind.

"I'm sorry," was all he could manage again. 

"Who is she?" you prodded, standing up. Your fists clenched, nails digging into your palms so tight it very well may have drawn blood. 

"I can't say." 

"Tell me." 

A beat passed as you hovered over him, his eyes staring at the cobbled street below his sandals. You wanted to shove his head back, to make him look at you. 

"[y/n], it doesn't matter. I told you what's going on - isn't that enough?"

"Tell me who she is," your voice was shrill, but you couldn't help it. Years of your life squandered on a man who didn't even have the decency to look at you as he broke your heart in favor of another woman. Shock. Anger. Disgust. It all whirled in your mind and made you delirious. Like a bad dream that you couldn't wake yourself up from. 

"Mai," Rayuu whispered, shame on his lips. You unintentionally took a step back from him, your face contorting in a way you didn't think was possible as your hand covered your mouth. You felt shattered. Your old teammate? The one you had spent so many years training with, the one you had lived with before you had moved in with Rayuu, the one you had trusted your life with. Not only had your boyfriend betrayed you, but your friend? 

You spun around on your heel, unable to say anything more. You wanted to kill him- to kill her. It takes two to tango, does it not? You started to walk away when he called out to you. Tears brimmed at your waterline, quickly spilling down your cheekbones. 

"[y/n], wait," Rayuu called, his expression mournful despite it being his fault, "I'm sorry." 

Your gaze was pointed, features allowing nothing barring malice for someone you once trusted so profoundly. You shook your head, incredulous that he would even believe for a moment an apology would make anything better. Your heart was shattered, torn from its cavity, and burned at the stake. 

"I want your stuff out of the apartment by the end of the week. I don't ever want to see you again."

***

"One more, please," you asked the bartender as politely as possible despite knowing you were becoming sloppy. He looked over at you from the end of the bar, sympathy in his gaze as he carefully shook and poured you another fruity drink.  

"I'm closing your tab, miss," he replied, sliding the drink across the bar to you, two fingers at the stem of the glass. You looked up at him, knowing how bad you must look at this moment. Yet you didn't protest, sliding money out of your pocket and counting it quietly. How pathetic you were. 

The bar behind you was surprisingly quiet for a Friday evening, you thought. You wondered if most of the shinobi were out on missions. Clearly, you weren't a good enough ninja to be on a mission right now like the rest of them. You weren't a good girlfriend, you weren't a good ninja - what else were you bad at? You took another sip of your drink. Even the alcohol didn't numb your thoughts. 

The end of the week had come and gone. When you returned to your apartment earlier that evening, it felt like you were walking into someone else's living room rather than your own. Rayuu had taken all of his belongings, leaving very little for you. Sure, he made more money than you, and most of the furniture belonged to him, but he could have at least left you the chair you loved so dearly. The one you curled up in late at night to read your books. 

Had he moved in with Mai, you wondered, your finger tracing the rim of your glass. Had they made plans to live together before you had even known? Was their pillow talk just laughing at how stupid you were for not noticing the signs you now realized were blatantly obvious? The late nights out, the whispering phone calls, his distant disposition towards your relationship? He was a higher-ranking shinobi than you were, and you had simply assumed his career was taking a more considerable toll on him recently than before. 

Still, nothing lessened the betrayal you felt. You hunched over the bar more, feeling your eyesight begin to shift if you turned your head too quickly. 

"[y/n]?" You heard beside you. "How are you?" looking up, a turf of silver hair stood before you, a single dark exposed eye crinkling in a smile as your old teammate tilted his head at you. You felt his hand gently slap your shoulder, squeezing your trapezius muscle as he smiled at you.

"Kakashi?" you felt a smile creep on your lips for the first time in a week. 

"It's been a long time," he told you. You looked over his shoulder, noticing your old friends wandering in the bar behind them. Something tugged at you at the sight of them. 

"I don't want you hanging out with guys, is all," Rayuu had told you late one night. "You just can't trust them, you know? It would make me feel better if you stopped hanging out with them." 

It hadn't been easy letting go of your friends. But Rayuu had convinced you it was for your own benefit. As the years went on, you slowly loosened your grip on your friendships, heartache in your soul but warmth in your heart as you knew it made Rayuu happy. Now, you saw through the manipulative tactic he had placed on you to control you, as well as the irony of it all. Bitterness rose in your throat. 

"You okay?" Kakashi's thin eyebrows knitted together, seeing the glazed-over look in your eyes as he settled beside you on a barstool. 

You shrugged your shoulders, feeling your chest tighten at the sight of all your old friends calling out to you as they wandered toward the bartender. You smiled softly at them, wondering how many memories you had missed out on just like this because of how naive you had been. 

Kakashi had been the hardest one to let go of. He was your friend, your true friend. Someone you knew you could rely on regardless of the circumstances. Your friendship went back as long as you had a genin headband wrapped around your forehead. Maybe a crush as well, but you would never admit it. Despite the longevity of your relationship with him, you had obeyed your boyfriend's wishes.

Kakashi was the one Ryuu was most jealous of. Rightfully so, you supposed. He would eye him cautiously at every event where their paths would cross, holding you closer to his hip as you wanted desperately to fall back into old habits of cracking jokes with him and Gai, but you had remained casual. 

Still, Kakashi was your friend. And maybe something more, if you had pursued it. You were too shy to tell him how you felt, so instead, your feelings fell to the wayside, and your relationship with Rayuu filled the void. 

"Where's Rayuu?" Kakashi dipped his head, trying to catch your wandering gaze as he let go of your shoulder. Your eyes met his, and suddenly you felt like a levy had been opened. How you missed everyone, you realized. How you missed Kakashi. Tears threatened your waterline once more, and Kakashi's gaze softened immediately. 

"Hey," he called softly, touching your shoulder again. There was no pity in his eyes like everyone else who knew gave you. Only genuine concern for you. "Let's get some fresh air." 

You agreed, downing the rest of your drink in one swift gulp. He turned to ensure you could walk on your own, although barely. The world shifted slightly, and he steadied you as you reached a bench outside. It was similar to the one further down the cobble path where the beginning of this mess had all begun. You wiped the tears from your cheek as you sat down, trying to grasp your slipping emotions. 

"What's going on?" the silver-haired Jonin asked. His body turned to you, starkly contrasting how Rayuu had shielded himself from you earlier in the week. You shook your head, your chin quivering as you looked up, trying desperately to keep the tears from escaping. They slipped beneath your lids and down your cheeks despite your best efforts. 

"Rayuu cheated on me. With Mai," you told him, your voice barely above a whisper. It felt wrong to say it out loud. As though it weren't real if you just kept it in your head. But it was real, and your apartment was empty now. 

Kakashi's expression darkened, "he what?" 

"Don't make me repeat it," you breathed, exasperated. You knew he didn't want you to repeat yourself, but the effort it took to say it to begin with was enough to break your heart again. He looked away, his jaw set as his finger tapped against his leg. 

"He took his things today," you continued, a hiccup threatening at the back of your throat. Your tears cooled the warmth on your cheeks from the alcohol. Kakashi closed his eye, shaking his head as he looked back over at you. 

"[y/n]," he began, "I'm sorry you're going through all this. You don't deserve to be treated like this. He doesn't deserve you." 

You looked over at him, the street light above illuminating his features despite most of them hiding behind a blue piece of fabric. He seemed genuinely troubled by your news; how he looked at you caused you to fold. 

You couldn't help it. You leaned forward, resting your head on his shoulder as you were wracked with quiet sobs. You held a hand over your mouth to muffle your cry. 

"[y/n]," he murmured to you wistfully, his breath warm against your neck. Although preoccupied with your cries, you couldn't help but notice how he hesitatingly wrapped his arms around you. No one would have ever suspected "Friend-Killer Kakashi" to be so gentle in such a tumultuous moment in your life. But the warmth of his body was the first you had felt all week. You melted into him, clinging to his shoulder as more tears fell onto his shirt.

"I'm sorry, I'm getting your shirt all wet," you pulled back sometime later, your breath shuddering from crying. He chuckled softly, shaking his head. 

"That is so like you to care about my shirt when you're the one that is crying," he smiled softly at you. You laughed lightly, pushing your palm against your eyes to rid yourself of any more tears. 

"I'm sorry, though," you said again, looking away in embarrassment, "for crying." 

"[y/n]," Kakashi said to you quietly, shaking his head slightly, "I've known you longer than I've known most people in this village. You can cry on my shoulder any time you want." 

You smiled at him through another hiccup, a blush creeping across your cheeks at his comment. Had he always been so caring? Yes - of course he had. You had just been blind. 

"But I haven't even spoken to you in so long," you told him sadly, remembering how you avoided him whenever you were with Rayuu. 

"It's fine," he told you, "I know the reason." 

"The reason?" You stiffened, wondering if he had known about your crush all those years ago.

"His jealousy, and all," he waved a dismissive hand, intentionally not saying his name.

You frowned, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it's as so obvious. Rayuu's jealousy was always targeted at you in particular." 

"Well, understandable, I suppose." 

Your eyes shot up to him, and he quickly back peddled, "I- uh - it was just some rumor Gai had accidentally started a few years back. There is no truth to it." 

"A rumor?" You narrowed your eyebrows, confused. Had someone found out about how she felt?

Kakashi waved a dismissive hand. Was he blushing? 

"It's nothing." 

You pursed your lips, leaning forward, "tell me, Kakashi. What are you talking about?" 

"[y/n], why would you care about some stupid rumor? You're too bright to care about what other people think." 

You cocked an eyebrow, seeing him dance around the subject. 

"It's about me being with someone? Me and who?" 

Kakashi looked away, feigning inattentiveness by watching a group of younger shinobi exit the bar, sloshed. Blush prickled at the tips of his ears. Realization hit you.

"About you and me?" You asked. His eye swiveled back to you, searching your face. The two of you blushed furiously. 

"It was years ago, [y/n]," he shook his head, leaning back in his seat in an attempt to appear uncaring, "we were just kids." 

You nodded, looking down. Kids, yes. You sighed, watching him look away still. He was a master at hiding his emotions, unlike you. 

"Right, kids," you repeated, looking down. The pair sat silently for a few beats as you digested this new information. Was it new? Not really. You looked over at him, the way he leaned back against the bench so nonchalantly a deep contrast to Rayuu's perpetual uptight demeanor. You welcomed Kakashi's calm presence. Something familiar. Something you had forgotten you loved. 

"I should get going," you stood, wobbling slightly on the spot as you pushed your hair from your eyes. Kakashi looked up at you, turning his head back at the group of men that had just left the bar. 

"Let me walk you home," he offered, standing up. He towered over you, his build wider than you remembered. How long had it been since you last saw him? 

"I can take care of myself," you lifted a defensive hand, remembering how Rayuu would always demean your skills as a kunoichi. 

"I know you can," he replied sincerely, "I've seen what you are capable of. I'd just like to make sure you get home in one piece before you fall in the river or something." 

You laughed, pushing your hair away from your eyes once more. You had forgotten how much he made you laugh. Or the way he made you feel capable. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be defensive," you said quietly. 

"It's okay," he shoved his hands deep in his pockets, "I understand the place you're coming from." 

He hesitated, looking at you, "I don't mean to share my opinions, and I hope you don't find this offensive, but you deserve better than him, [y/n]." 

You looked up at him, unsure of how to respond. Over the last week, it had become more apparent just how ignorant you were to the circumstances Rayuu subjected you to. His controlling nature had dominated your life, leaving you vulnerable and weak to his rules, so you didn't end up alone. And yet, here you were anyway. Alone. 

But were you? Kakashi's eye crinkled in a delicate smile, the kind you used to receive when you would tell him a bad joke, and he felt bad for you. This time, something different was behind it, something you hadn't seen before. Your chest tightened. 

When neither of you said a word, you both began walking, your stride in unison with his, falling into an old rhythm just as your relationship with him had. Your limbs felt heavy from the drinks, but your heart felt lighter. 

"We should spar soon," you offered suddenly, looking over at him, "like the old days."

Kakashi nodded, his eyebrow lifted as he contemplated your offer. 

"We should," he glanced down at you, "your wind technique is always a hassle against my lightning. It always served as a catalyst to improve my skills." 

You smiled, "tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow." 

***

The cool seasonal air of fall nipped at your cheeks as you entered the bar, tired from your week-long mission. Since your break up, your mission rating had gone up significantly. Maybe it was the amount you were training now, or perhaps it was the quality of your training that had improved, ergo, enhancing your skills and confidence as a kunoichi. Regardless, you felt like a different person. 

"Give the lady a drink, will you?" Asuma called to the bartender, slapping a palm between your shoulder blades as Kurenai smiled proudly beside him. "She just got back from her first S-Rank mission." 

"How did it go?" Kurenai asked, her chin balanced in her palm. Her ruby lips smiled at you, and you couldn't help but feel prideful for a moment. 

"Smoothly," you nodded, taking the drink from the bartender's hand, "the Hokage was pleased with our report." 

"And where is your teammate now?" Asuma asked without looking, his fist wrapped around the handle of a large beer. 

"I'm here," Kakashi appeared behind you, sitting beside you on the barstool.

"Always late, this one," you shoved a thumb over your shoulder at him, and he shook his head, lifting two fingers at the bartender. A glass of sake appeared before you moments later, its clear contents sloshing around in a shot glass. You looked over at Kakashi, your eyebrows lifted in surprise as he held the glass up between you both.

"Cheers," he said, handing you the shot, "to your first successful s-rank mission. You earned it." 

You licked your lip as you tried to hide your grin. 

"Couldn't have done it without you," you told him earnestly.

The glasses clinked, and you quickly took the shot, your glasses slamming in unison against the oak bar. You giggled, looking back up at him as he chuckled alongside you. You pushed your hair from your face, your cheeks flushed already as you looked over his shoulder. 

Suddenly, your body froze, and you quickly averted your eyes. Rayuu had walked in alone, his eyes scanning the bar as you looked away. Heart pounding, you leaned against the bar and shielded your face. You heard a quizzical noise come from Kakashi's throat as he leaned closer to you. 

"Was top shelf too strong?" He jested, not realizing the heat radiating off your ears. 

"It's not that," you moved your hand to your mouth, wondering how you could get out of here without him noticing. You cursed under your breath. You hadn't seen him since that day on the bench. It was a relatively small bar, frequented mainly by shinobi after missions. How you had avoided him this long was unknown to you, but it stung extra for him to walk in while you were celebrating. 

"What is it?" Kakashi asked, his tone changing. 

"Don't look," you told him through gritted teeth, "my ex just walked in." 

Kakashi quickly sat back up in his seat, his spine straight as you continued to hunch over the bar. You shook your head. Were your hands shaking? You glanced over, realizing he was trying to shield you from view with his body. 

"Hey," Kurenai appeared beside you, whispering in your ear, "do you want me to see if the bartender will ask him to leave? He already looks drunk. I doubt they'll serve him." 

"No," you waved dismissively, "He'll know I'm here." 

"Mhm," Kurenai nodded, looking over your shoulder, "he's alone. I wonder if the rumor is true."

"The rumor?"

"Kuranai-" Kakashi warned, looking past you. 

"She should know, Kakashi," the black-haired woman gestured to you as you looked between them.

"I don't think now is the time-" 

"Mai and Rayuu broke up," Kurenai stated shortly, "there. See? That's all." 

Kakashi sighed heavily, looking down at you. Kuranai squeezed your shoulder before Asuma pulled her away. 

"I hope he doesn't try-"

"[y/n]?" 

Your blood ran cold in your veins, your hand jolting as you knocked over the empty shot glass. Behind you, Kurenai and Asuma looked over, their eyes on you. You took a moment, collecting yourself before you lifted your gaze. He was disheveled, hair brown hair greasy and unkempt. 

"What are you doing here, Rayuu?" Was all you could manage. You should have just ignored him. You should have just pretended you didn't hear him over the noise of the chatter in the bar. Still, you folded. Weak.

"I was jus' looking for a drink," Kurenai had been right; he was already drunk. You held your head in your hand, looking away. The chair beside you swiveled, and Kakashi's eye connected with two blue ones. 

"Ohh," Rayuu cooed mockingly, "the rumor has finally come to fruition." 

Asuma stepped in, his hands held up in front of Rayuu, "Rayuu, maybe you should leave." 

Rayuu's arm pushed Asuma aside, taking a step closer to you. You shook your head, pleading with him not to do this. He was about to make a scene, you could tell. You looked at the back of Kakashi's head, his calm demeanor like a lighthouse to you. 

"No, really," Rayuu continued, "I knew it all along. I knew it would happen. You both always had eyes for each other." 

"Nothing is going on, Rayuu," you told him, "it's not what you think."

"She doesn't owe you anything," Kurenai gestured to you, shaking her head. 

"[y/n]," Rayuu's voice softened suddenly at your acknowledgment of him, "let's go talk outside. Please?"

Your eyes widened, unable to respond suddenly. Embarrassment enveloped you. Was this really happening? Right in front of everyone? 

"I'm sorry, baby," he said to you, taking another step, "I made a mistake. Mai and I are through. I shouldn't have done what I did." 

You shook your head, disgusted. His blue eyes remained locked on you, pleading with you. He took another step, and his chest was met with a sturdy extended hand. 

"That's enough," Kakashi advised him. Rayuu turned his attention to the silver-haired Jonin, his expression melting into contempt. 

"You don't speak for her," Rayuu pointed at you, and your cheeks flushed. 

"That's right," Kakashi stood from his chair, "I don't speak for her. Something you weren't real good at." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rayuu's eyes narrowed, his lip curling. 

"Rayuu, just leave, please," you stood beside Kakashi, "It's over between us."

"No, really," he continued, looking up at Kakashi as he remained passive, staring down at him, "what do you mean by that, cold-blooded Kakashi?"

The bar had gone quiet, a lingering chatter in the corner to the few that hadn't turned their gazes to the commotion in the front of the room. The bartender gave a warning, knowing well that he would not be able to stop two shinobi from duking it out in front of him. 

"Just means she deserves better than a dirtbag like you." 

"Kakashi - I don't need y-"

Rayuu threw a left hook at Kakashi, his arm bracing in front of his mask. Before Rayuu's arm even made contact, a fist landed squarely on his jaw, throwing him into a cluster of chairs behind him. 

"Kakashi!" A hand flew to your mouth, your eyes wide as other patrons gathered around Rayuu, pulling him up to his feet. He wiped a drip of blood from his lip, trying in vain to get back to Kakashi as Asuma and the other patrons ushered him out of the bar. Your eyebrows narrowed as embarrassment bubbled within you. You grabbed Kakashi's wrist, pulling him past a shocked Kurenai and toward the bar's back hallway. 

"Why did you do that?" You asked him pointedly. Clearly, he was flustered by the interaction as well. The usual calm collected Kakashi had disappeared at that moment. "You don't need to fight for me, Kakashi. I can do it myself." 

"I know you can," he replied quietly, pushing his hair back. He avoided your eyes. 

"Then why did you do that?" You took a step closer. 

"I don't know. I-" 

You had never seen the copy-ninja lost for words in all the years of knowing him. The way he looked around the room, pushing his hair from his eyes habitually, a nervous tick he did when he felt embarrassed. Still, you pushed him.

"If you think you need to step in for me, you're just like him-"

"It's not like that," he said, his eyes meeting yours. 

"Then what is?" 

It all happened so quickly that your mind barely registered the reality that had suddenly unfolded. There was a hazy sense of his large hand grabbing your waist, pulling you against his hips as he stared down at you. Your hands landed on his chest, staring at his expression, a tender, affectionate gaze hiding behind a mask of apprehension. 

You blinked at him, taken aback, as his eyes flickered to your lips. Your face flushed, and your lips parted, a vague set of words hanging on your tongue that you couldn't find the brain power to speak. 

Whispering his name was all you could manage as the modest distance between you both began to shrink. Your ears rang loudly, heat sweeping up your spine as you felt his palm slide up your back. You couldn't breathe, you thought. You couldn't think. What was happening? Was this real?

The question hung in the air between you both, your noses brushing as his eyes clung to yours, searching for your consent. You lifted a shaking hand to his jaw, barely nodding before his mouth pressed boldly against your lips. You exhaled against him, arching your spine to conform to his body while you slid your arms around his neck. 

His body pressed against yours, feeling your back hit the wall behind you. You felt his bare lips against yours a moment later, the taste of sake on his tongue and you must have gasped. Quickly, he began pulling away, but your hands were at his cheeks, pressing his mouth back to yours desperately. 

A clatter of a glass beyond the hallway pulled you both away. You still held each other close, turning back to look at one another under the dim light of the bar hallway. What a strange place for a first kiss, you thought. It wasn't your first time seeing his face, but it was certainly your first time seeing it at this distance. Still, your heart beat wildly in your chest, a smile surfacing on your lips as you looked up at him. He smiled too. 

A hand lifted to your cheek, the side of his thumb ghosting over your skin as his tender gaze stared down at you. Rayuu had never looked at you like this. Such warmth didn't come out of nowhere, you thought. He had to have been harboring these emotions for you for some time. 

"How long have you been waiting to do that?" You whispered to him through the darkness. A smile crept on his lips. 

"Longer than you'll ever know." 

[wing-ed-thing]

Kakashi x Jinchuriki!Reader Relationship Headcanons

No Reader Pronouns, Rin's Suicide, Canon-Typical Violence

𓆃 It would certainly be a trial in emotional vulnerability, wouldn't it?

𓆃 Jinchuriki aren't known to live for long, and on top of being hunted and shunned by societies of people, Kakashi still thinks about how Rin died.

𓆃 Rin killed herself to escape being a Jinchuriki. Shackled with the guilt and burden of having killed her himself, Kakashi finds himself keeping you at arm's length.

𓆃 He's had too much loss in his life, and to Kakashi, getting close to a Jinchuriki is a surefire way to lose another loved one and soon.

𓆃 While Naruto is also a Jinchuriki who is close to Kakashi, they have known each other since Naruto was a child. A child who was put directly in Kakashi's care (and whom Kakashi didn't expect to grow as attached to as he did).

𓆃 Losing Naruto would be a huge blow to Kakashi, but the difference lies in the community Naruto amassed who have the resources and drive to protect him— a child.

𓆃 Perhaps you managed to collect found family who will protect you too, but things are different when you're an adult. Different when you're a lover.

𓆃 Kakashi knows he can't always protect you. He knows that you are more than formidable, but the weight of it all— at least until the war and conflict is over— is too much to carry.

𓆃 At least until the war is over and things have returned to normal, in the middle of everything going on and at stake, Kakashi couldn't bare to get close to someone he'll just lose.

𓆃 Not again.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

[anyon-else]

Bite the Hand That Feeds Me (Bite the Hand That Needs Me) (The Red Room pt.15) | You and Kakashi are confronted with familiar demons. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naturo Uzumaki, Ino Yamanaka, Danzo Shimura, Asuma Sarutobi, Kurenai Yūhi, Genma Shiranui, Orochimaru, and one (1) mysterious man

Warnings | ANGST, hurt/comfort, this one's pretty heavy ngl, gun violence, blood, torture (kind of? like a little but not really), dissociation, suicidal ideation (I PROMISE IT'S NOT AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS)

Word count | 10k (yeesh)

(previous chapter) | (next chapter - coming soon) | (series masterlist)

"I am a dead woman, and I don't care."

Katherine Mansfield, from Journal of Katherine Mansfield

Kakashi came to in a room that he had only been in once before.

It had been decades since he'd last seen these concrete walls. The two-way mirror in front of him was an unwelcome sight that left him with nothing to do but watch his reflection watch him back. He wondered who was doing the same on the other side.

Handcuffs kept him locked to the table, though he took note of the lack of restraints on his ankles. Standard procedure aside, most of the suspects who ended up in this room were violent enough that extra precautions were oftentimes necessary.

Not that he planned to follow their example.

They could have left him anywhere else. Any other room would've been better than this—hell, he would've taken a doghouse if it had been an option.

The last time he was here, he was being questioned for murder.

He looked up at the creak of the metal door—the decades-old hinges still sounded the same as they had when he was twelve, and it was as unwelcome as it was familiar.

His hope for any semblance of understanding from his interrogator was lost when Danzo Shimura stepped through the door. With his lips turned down in an irritated frown, Danzo looked like his usual, unenthused self. He and Kakashi watched one another for a very long moment, trapped in a silent stalemate that felt uncomfortably familiar.

What wasn't familiar was the air of dangerous satisfaction Kakashi could sense from the older man.

Danzo took a seat in the chair opposite to Kakashi's, blocking his view of his reflection. With little decorum and far more force than was necessary, he tossed something noisily onto the table between them. It slid across the hard metal and came to a stop in front of Kakashi.

Kakashi instinctively reached towards it the moment it came within arms reach. His handcuffs jerked noisily, and he scowled at them, then at the satisfied look on Danzo's face.

"I take it you know who this is," Danzo said, pointing towards where you stood in the framed picture. It was the one of you and Sakura that he kept in his room, and its only purpose had been to bring him some semblance of comfort in your absence. Kakashi closed his eyes, trying not to linger on his stupidity for having something so damning out in the open.

Still, he never thought that SHIELD would go so far as to kidnap him and his...

"Where," he began darkly, noting the slight downward twitch of Danzo's smirk when he heard the dangerous note in Kakashi's tone, "are my students?"

"Things will go a lot smoother if you just answer my questions."

Sasuke was angry. No, he was livid.

He had never really put much faith in SHIELD as an organization. After HYDRA had been exposed from within their ranks, the small seed of trust that he'd tried to cultivate in his early days as a trainee was ripped from the ground. He only trusted Kakashi-Sensei because he could tell that his mentor wasn't just another one of SHIELD's loyal dogs. He was his own man with his own sense of purpose and justice.

He had always held that same respect for Asuma, but now he was beginning to rethink his initial assessment

"Sasuke," Asuma sighed above him, "I know you're confused, but–"

"Confused?" Sasuke spit back incredulously, finally looking up and meeting Asuma's eyes. The man was thin-lipped, waiting expectantly for Sasuke's words.

If Sasuke had any say in the matter, Asuma would never get the answers he wanted.

"I'm not talking to anyone except Kakashi-Sensei," he finally grumbled, turning his head from Asuma with a finality that made the agent sigh.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised," Asuma shook his head, slumping into a chair near the door and running a hand over his face, "look, I'm not your enemy, Sasuke. I just want to understand what's going on."

More silence.

"You asked Shikamaru for help with something," he pushed, pulling a small grimace from Sasuke, "and if it had something to do with the HYDRA agent–"

"Don't call her that," Sasuke snapped.

"What should I call her, then?"

Sasuke sneered in lieu of an answer. Asuma sighed again.

The conversation was interrupted by a groan on Sasuke's left. Both glanced towards where Naruto was lying on his side, the last of the three to regain consciousness. He shifted away from the lights, lifting an arm to shield his eyes from the harsh fluorescents.

"Sasuke?" he grumbled, peeking over his arm at his friend. Sasuke glared at him, an unspoken order of silence. "Where are we?"

"SHIELD headquarters," a third voice snapped from the corner of the room. Asuma glanced at Sakura warily, "we were kidnapped by our own people."

Sasuke couldn't help but be unsettled by the rage in Sakura's voice. It reminded him how cruel HYDRA had been to her. It had shaped her into a person that, at times, felt completely foreign to him. When she was consumed by this kind of anger, she felt unreachable. Untouchable. Like anything she came into contact with would burn to ash.

It was as if the room itself held its breath when she spoke. Sasuke saw the way Asuma halted at her biting words, and he wondered fleetingly if his suspicion of HYDRA extended to Sakura. After all, she was no longer the girl he had helped train in her adolescence. Now she had the training of HYDRA's most lethal weapons.

"Sakura–"

"How did you find out?"

Sakura turned, looking at Asuma over her shoulder with a gaze that almost made Sasuke shiver. He swallowed against his drying throat.

"I can't tell you that," Asuma sighed, looking genuinely apologetic for the situation he was putting the three in. Naruto narrowed his eyes, putting the pieces of the situation together and giving Sakura a hopeless glance. Sasuke saw his desire to go to her and offer some form of comfort, but stopped him with a firm shake of his head. Sakura had turned back towards the wall, completely closed off from even Sasuke and Naruto. They couldn't see her expression, but they saw the slight tremble in her shoulders.

"Is Shikamaru alright?" Naruto asked after a pause.

"He's fine."

"What about Kakashi-Sensei?"

"He's being questioned," Asuma said, trying to keep any emotions from bleeding into the words.

Sasuke knew that this couldn't have been easy for Asuma—despite the orders he'd been given, and despite Sasuke's own anger, it was clear that Asuma believed in Kakashi's loyalty.

But he did not have the power to decide what happened to you or Kakashi. That was up to the Director.

Although, in the Director's temporary absence, he supposed those decisions would fall to Danzo. The thought concerned him as much as it infuriated him.

"Can we at least talk to him?"

"Not yet," Asuma sighed, "we need to get a grasp on the situation. And things would go a lot smoother if the parties involved were a bit more cooperative."

He looked at Sasuke pointedly, knowing that any glances in Sakura's directional would go unobserved. The boy scoffed, arms crossed almost petulantly over his chest as he turned his head away from Asuma's gaze. Naruto looked between his two friends, then at Asuma.

"Naruto," Asuma softened his tone, kneeling in front of the boy with only a hint of guilt in his expression for exploiting Naruto's mixed emotions. Clearly the weakest emotional link of the trio, he was the most likely source of any useful information, "this is a complicated situation, but the last thing I want is for anyone to get hurt. Things would go a lot smoother if you tell me what's going on. Maybe then I can help Kakashi."

Naruto looked skeptical. He glanced at Sakura, who still had her head turned away from them, then at Sasuke, who glared at him. Their determined silence sent a clear message, but Sasuke knew that Asuma saw how uneasy Naruto felt at the idea of leaving Kakashi to his own defenses.

"You have to try to save her, too," Naruto said after a long silence.

"Naruto," Sakura hissed, turning towards him incredulously at the same time that Sasuke slapped a hand over Naruto's mouth. He shook it away and glared at Sasuke, who met his gaze with the same determined ferocity.

"This might be our best option," Naruto hissed, "Kakashi-Sensei trusts him. We've known him our whole lives–"

"It doesn't matter," Sakura snapped from her place in the corner of the room, "once you've been stained by HYDRA's name, there's no undoing it. That's all you are, and nothing can change the way they look at you. It doesn't matter how you got in or why you stayed—it just matters that you did their dirty work."

"Sakura, that's not fair..." Asuma started, but the furious glare she shot in his direction silenced him.

"Fair?" she laughed. Suddenly, it was like Sasuke got a glimpse into the person who had spent four years in HYDRA's clutches, surviving off of nothing but rage and a fierce determination to survive. "No, you're right. There's nothing fair about this. She and I were in that hell together. We both killed for them. We escaped together. You're so worried about her, but there's another person just like her standing right in front of you!"

Silence followed the outburst. Asuma held Sakura's gaze, unwilling—or maybe unable—to look away.

"She was born there," Asuma said slowly, looking guilty even before the words began leaving his lips. Sasuke tensed in anticipation of his next words, glancing cautiously in Sakura's direction. Her calm expression was masking the rage that was clear in her tense form. Her fingers twitched as if they itched to wrap around Asuma's throat. Despite his own anger, he leaned forward in the event that he'd have to put himself in between the two. Asuma was strong, but Sakura was an unstoppable force now that she had the training to give weight to her rage.

"I'm not blaming her for what she's gone through," he continued cautiously. Sasuke knew he noticed the way Sakura's calm facade was beginning to split into a boundless anger he had only seen a handful of times. He wanted to beg Asuma to shut his mouth, but a part of him wanted to let Sakura do as she pleased.

Maybe she could get them out of this room. Maybe they'd find you before you were taken somewhere they could not follow.

They needed to get you back.

"But she has been a HYDRA agent her whole life," Asuma continued, pulling Sasuke from his thoughts, "she is unpredictable. And if she hurts someone, then she becomes a liability."

Sasuke glanced at Naruto, thinking back to your return. Had anyone at SHIELD known how close you'd been to shooting Naruto, no explanation of mind-control or Orochimaru's cruelty would have convinced them that you were not the enemy.

"You know nothing," Sasuke finally muttered, both to tell Asuma what they were all thinking and to stop Sakura from saying something that would only make their situation worse. "And locking her away like she's a common prisoner is nothing short of cruel–"

The door clicked open, cutting Sasuke off before he himself could lose control of his spiraling emotions. Asuma stood from where he was blocking the entrance and pulled his chair from the door's path.

"Director," Asuma gaped, "we didn't expect you back until tomorrow."

"I heard that Kakashi and his students had been brought in as suspects."

Her voice floated into the room like a clear, refreshing spring. Then she entered, looking like an angel descending to save them. Surely she would have enough common sense to fix this without letting anyone—namely you and Ino—get hurt.

"Yes ma'am. Agent Hatake is being questioned."

The Director sighed as Asuma stepped away from the entrance.

Director Tsunade Senju was Sakura's hero. Alongside Kakashi, she'd helped shape Sakura into the person she was today. Before she was taken, Tsunade regularly coached her in field medicine, requesting her help on small missions to give her as much experience as possible.

She was kind. Sasuke knew that, despite her cold exterior, she'd understand that you were a victim of Orochimaru's cruelty as much as Sakura had been.

She fixed them with a long look, both to ease their worries and warn them to stay put.

I'll fix this, it seemed to say, just be patient.

Patience was not in abundance between the three of them, but after one last longing look in Tsunade's direction, Sakura sat in between Sasuke and Naruto, and they waited.

"If you don't talk, you won't get to see your students."

Kakashi thought his jaw was going to break. He'd been clenching his teeth together for the entirety of this interrogation, and he could feel his cheeks starting to ache from the tension. Having a conversation like this would've been infuriating with anyone, but he was quickly losing patience with Danzo's condescension.

Perhaps to the detriment of any argument he could hope to make to the Director once she returned, he stayed silent.

"Hatake," Danzo sighed, tapping his fingers against the glass picture frame between them. Kakashi glared at the smudges he was leaving in lieu of looking at the infuriating expression on his face, "this isn't going to just go away like Rin did."

Danzo went quiet as the words sunk under Kakashi's skin. He felt cold—like he'd been dunked into a pool of ice water. The room suddenly felt suffocating. Danzo knew what this room meant to him. He had probably demanded that it be used for this interrogation.

"Don't talk about Rin," he said lowly, feeling the full weight of Danzo's words as the man sneered.

"You have no right to speak disrespectfully to me. You're lucky you're here and not a cell. If it were up to me, I would've–"

The grating creak of the door interrupted Danzo's threat, and both he and Kakashi paused as Genma stepped into the room. He looked bored—like this was just another interrogation—but when he met Kakashi's eyes, Kakashi saw the suspicion that he was trying to mask.

"Agent Shimura," Genma droned, "you're needed outside."

Jaw tense, Danzo hesitated for a split second before rising to his feet.

Kakashi tried to be subtle as he tested the reach of his cuffs, but they caught just shy of the edge of the frame. He sat in dejected silence as the door creaked shut.

While being in this room with Danzo was more than unpleasant, being in it alone was somehow worse. It reminded him too much of a time he thought he'd put behind him, but being back here made him feel like a child again. When he looked back at his reflection in front of him again, it was as if his face had become younger. Those youthful features were twisted with grief and anxiety. He had just been a child back then, unable to face the reality of his actions.

But he refused to let Danzo use his failure to save Rin against him. Not when all he wanted was to keep you away from HYDRA. Despite his initially selfish intention to just save Sakura and let you go, he knew that he had done the right thing in offering you a place with him and his students.

Convincing SHIELD of that was going to be more difficult.

The door didn't move again until what must've been at least an hour, and the creak of the hinges was sounding more and more like nails on a chalkboard each time it opened. He glanced towards the silhouetted figure standing in the entryway and felt relief for the first time since he regained consciousness.

Tsunade was standing in the doorway like an angel come to save him. Even the light that surrounded her shone like a glowing halo. Kakashi felt his unease begin to melt away, replaced by utter exhaustion.

Tsunade stepped further into the room, and the door shut firmly behind her. He could almost feel Danzo's eyes on him on the other side of the glass.

"I'm taking over your interrogation," she began, sliding into Danzo's chair and pushing the frame to the edge of the table with barely a glance in its direction, "Danzo has an uncharacteristically colorful vocabulary when it comes to you."

Kakashi stayed silent, treading these waters very carefully. When he was a child, he'd been volatile and reactive. It had been easy to rile him up and get him to let information slip in his anger.

It was a pattern of behavior that he had long since grown out of and had no plans of repeating.

"Well, I'm sure you've been given very little information, so I'll make this easier for you," Tsunade began, folding her hands over a stack of papers that Kakashi assumed contained Danzo's case against him. It was thicker than he would've liked, "Danzo received a tip that you were harboring two HYDRA agents and decided to release a toxin in the compound rather than risk a confrontation with potentially hostile targets."

Kakashi blinked. He wondered if Tsunade also saw the absurdity in Danzo's tactics, but her expression told him nothing. She was as stone-faced as ever, and Kakashi began to fear that he'd lost her trust in all of this too.

"The HYDRA agents," he began, "are from the Red Room."

Tsunade froze. The words were as familiar to her as they had become to Kakashi—everyone in SHIELD knew who had taken Sakura. The problem with finding her hadn't been their identity, but their location. Orochimaru's strength was in his ability to hide the Red Room from SHIELD's watchful eye. It's main base changed locations frequently enough that finding Sakura had taken years.

"They're not with HYDRA anymore," he told her carefully, lowering his voice and leaning in close enough that his words wouldn't be overheard by anyone on the other side of the glass, "they both knew Sakura while she was there. They protected her from Orochimaru. I...I don't know if she'd even be alive if it hadn't been for them."

Tsunade considered this, albeit briefly. Kakashi knew how complex the situation was—realistically, Tsunade couldn't let any personal feelings interfere in her decisions. Despite Danzo's less-than-ideal method of bringing you in, he was technically within the bounds of SHIELD's protocol.

Kakashi was the one who had complicated things. He could see that Tsunade was not just angry with him, but hurt by his lack of trust in her.

"I would've told you when I brought her in," Kakashi said lowly, "but she was an important part of making sure Sakura was safe. I couldn't risk her being taken. She was too valuable to let go."

"Sakura has been cleared for nearly a year now," Tsunade snapped, though she kept her voice at his volume. Her eyes were knowing, and he wondered just how desperate he looked to her, "you should've told me."

You would've taken her, Kakashi wanted to say, and I couldn't risk that.

"Have you seen her?" Kakashi asked instead. He knew where his priorities should've been—Tsunade was expecting answers, but he had to know where you were. Once he knew you were safe, he would give her everything she needed to know. Everything that would convince her that you weren't a threat.

Tsunade blinked at him. His stomach knotted.

"She's not here, Kakashi."

Your instincts as were sharp as knives.

They'd had no choice but to become so. Anyone who got too close didn't walk away unnoticed or unscathed. It was one of the fundamental teachings from the Red Room: surveillance of one's surroundings is crucial for survival. If you cannot identify a threat that is out of sight, your skill level will not make a difference.

So, even half-conscious and unable to open your eyes, the first thought that came clearly through your muddy thoughts was that you were not alone.

There were two other people in the room—one to your left, and one in front of you. They were veiled by shadows and obscured from your vision, but you felt their stares like guns pointed at your head. You choked on the breath that you greedily sucked into your lungs, then exhaled with a strangled sound that seemed far louder in the thick silence. Neither of the figures moved as your breathing evened, but each eye that was on you seemed to glow in the suffocating darkness. They were like predators poised to kill, and with the handcuffs keeping your arms behind the back of your chair and the rope holding your ankles still, it wasn't hard to guess who their prey was.

Familiarity was a quiet buzz in your ear, but you ignored it in favor of evaluating your chances of escape. As the fog cleared from your mind, however, you became less hopeful of your odds.

The figure to your right stood and approached you, his face slowly becoming visible as he walked towards the single light illuminating the middle of the room. He moved out of the shadows with careful, calculated steps, and you recoiled as soon as he came into view. While you barely recognized his face, you understood what the clothes he wore meant.

A black robe cloaked him almost as much as the darkness had, but it was the small red insignia on his sleeve that sent a cold chill down your spine. The bright red eyes of the skull seemed to glow in the darkness, almost matching those of the wearer.

"HYDRA," you whispered before you could keep your mouth from moving. You shut it immediately, unsure of where the word had come from, but realizing with uncomfortable clarity why it felt so significant.

HYDRA owned you. The thought was so clear that you wondered how you had ever forgotten. Suddenly, the urge to kneel at this man's feet and beg for any form of mercy made your position in the chair uncomfortable in an entirely new way. You shifted, nearly bowing your head to him when he caught your chin between long, nimble fingers.

His eyes held an intensity that sent a shock of fear through you. His fingers were cold where the met your skin, and you fought not to flinch when his hold tightened. He was looking at you like he could see into your mind and read your every thought.

"For someone under Kakashi Hatake's protection," he finally said, though his words held more curiosity than threat, "you are a laughably easy person to find."

You swallowed, but your throat had dried up the moment he'd stepped into view.

"I suppose I should apologize. Orochimaru was give far too much leeway. He should have been taken care of a long time ago."

Your breath halted at the name. Though it was still mostly a mystery to you, fear was a familiar feeling that wrapped itself around you and squeezed until you couldn't breath. The man watched you carefully, studying your reaction with clear interest.

His eyes drifted to the second figure sitting silently in front of you. His face had become more clear as your eyes adjusted to the darkness; long, dark hair framed his face, and his eyes were venomous, narrowing when they locked with yours. Though his head was downcast—partly, you assumed, because of the blood dripping down multiple cuts on his face—his expression was full of familiar malice.

For the past eight months, you'd felt as if a crushing weight was hovering just above you, held up by one thin thread. You knew what that weight contained—it was everything you'd lost. Even without it bearing down on your shoulders, you were certain that it would crush you, but you wanted to feel its weight all the same. You wanted to feel whole again—not like the ghost of someone you couldn't reach.

You laid eyes on Orochimaru, slumped in his chair and gagged by a white cloth, and the weight fell.

Memories of the experiments you'd undergone suddenly came into sharp focus, and the blurry face that had always resembled Kakashi finally became clear. Instead of grey hair, black locks came into view. They surrounded your vision as Orochimaru leaned over you in half-remembered memories, studying your eyes like they would hold the key to your submission.

His voice rang in your mind clear as day: I gave you everything. It is only right that you return my kindness. You owe me everything. This is your purpose.

It was his voice. His hands holding you down as you thrashed against bolts of lightning in your veins. His control masked as reassurances of an end to the pain. His face behind the mask that he wore to convince you that Kakashi was your enemy.

It was his rage that followed you when you escaped. His ghost that you were so desperate to protect Sakura from.

"Hm," the man hummed after observing you for a moment, "Kabuto was right. It is you that brings her memories back. That must've caused you quite the headache."

He was looking at Orochimaru now, who snarled at the man in front of him. You recognized the look—how had you ever forgotten such a terrifying face?—and the rage it contained did not seem to phase its receiver, but the force of it left you paralyzed.

Or maybe it was the memories that were still flooding your overloaded mind, each begging to be seen even when you had no more room left to look.

You didn't realize that the man had moved towards Orochimaru until you heard his voice. It was that same light, hissing cadence that made you beg for mercy each time you failed his experiments. It was the voice that raised you to submit to his will.

It was still just as terrifying as it had been when he abandoned you.

"I'm impressed," he said with a snarl, looking at you rather than the man now standing at his side. "I thought you were weak enough to be forced into submission. But look at you now: gaining the attention of the Akatsuki."

Your eyes widened, and your gaze snapped to the man who was watching the conversation with interest. He met your eyes, waiting in silence as you processed Orochimaru's words.

The Akatsuki were ghosts. You had never been told their identities, nor had you ever seen a member in the flesh.

All you knew was that they ruled HYDRA from the shadows, pulling the strings of the organization with terrifying ease.

"I've come to understand that the Red Room is in need of new leadership," the man sighed, a disappointed frown falling over his lips, "now I see that the problem is worse than I anticipated."

Orochimaru's rage filled the room like smoke. You felt as if you could choke on it—it filled your chest and left you breathless and gasping for air.

"Would you like to kill him?"

It took you far too long to realize that the question had been directed towards you. The words were as genuine as the man's gaze. He didn't say them like this was a taunt or a test of loyalty. It was an offer.

You swallowed against the panic blocking your throat. You couldn't breath. This man...you could feel his power. It filled the room, thick enough to drown you. You wanted more than anything to refuse—to make him understand that you couldn't kill Orochimaru—but you couldn't force a response from your lips.

"She won't kill me," Orochimaru sneered, saving you from the man's suffocating gaze. His eyes slid from you to Orochimaru, "she can't."

"We'll see," the man responded cooly. "Let's hope that fear was a strong enough tool to save you from your own creation."

The man reached behind you and unlocked the handcuffs around your wrists, then cut the rope from your ankles. Before you could regain feeling in your fingers, the cold, familiar steel of a gun was pressed into your hands. You looked down at it, expecting to see the HDYRA insignia etched into it. Instead, the hourglass-shape that symbolized the Red Room was cut into the grip.

This was Orochimaru's weapon. You'd watched him use it countless times. You had faced its barrel more than once.

Holding it felt wrong. The idea of using it made you nauseous.

"Well?" Orochimaru said, a cold grin on his face. "Prove me wrong, little spider."

You hated him. You hated how useless he rendered you—as if you were nothing more than a machine waiting for commands. You begged your useless limbs to lift the gun in your hands. Killing Orochimaru was something you'd dreamed of for a long time. It was an urge you'd felt more strongly than any other when he'd tried to kill you using Sakura's body.

The Akatsuki approached Orochimaru, producing a knife from within the robes that cloaked his figure. In one swift movement, he cut the ropes from his wrists and tucked the weapon away.

Orochimaru brought his hands in front of him, flexing his stiff fingers with a heavy sigh.

"You gain nothing if you kill me," he said, wasting no time before standing from his chair and pushing it to the side. He seemed utterly unconcerned by the weapon in your hand, "I'm not the one holding you hostage."

His eyes were on the Akatsuki now, as if he had forgotten all about your presence and the gun in your hand.

"You want your freedom so badly? Kill him," Orochimaru said, sliding his gaze towards you once again. He watched you with an intensity that made your stomach drop—his eyes were swimming with an emotion that you couldn't place. You could see that his desperation was turning into something closer to insanity.

"Kill him!"

You flinched against your chair, grip tight on the gun. The Akatsuki watched with thinly veiled interest, unconcerned with Orochimaru's attempts to get him killed.

"You understand, don't you?" Orochimaru said with a laugh, stepping towards you with little hesitation. You stood, pointing the gun towards him. Undeterred, he walked forward until the barrel touched his chest, "if you kill me, you'll never be free. Do you truly think the Akatsuki will let you go after everything you've done?"

You stilled.

Your life was beginning to feel like a cycle. The moment you escaped Orochimaru's suffocating clutches, he sank his fangs into you once again and dragged you back into his web. You had been trapped for a long time.

"Is that what I was with you?" you whispered. "Free?"

Orochimaru tilted his head, lips twitching with a poorly concealed smirk.

"If not for me, you'd have no home. Am I not your family?"

"No," you choked, "that's not what I asked. I asked if you gave me freedom."

Freedom was what you were taught to hate. Freedom went against everything you'd been told since birth. You were raised with a set of shackles and ordered to give the rest of the world the same treatment.

"Freedom is a lie," he hissed, amusement gone from his tone. He leaned over you, forcing you to lift your eyes to see his malicious snarl, "you've been gone for far too long. Freedom is unattainable, and therefore should not be striven for. You've wasted your time trying to escape the allegiance you owe to me."

Before you could respond, Orochimaru was reaching towards you with speed that you hadn't realized he possessed. He gripped your wrist and reached for the gun in your hand with a maddened look in his eyes and a fierce determination to bring you to your knees once again.

But you were faster. You shifted so your back was to him, but his grip on your wrist remained tight. To keep hold of you, he was forced forward, closing the distance between your back and his chest with a frustrated snarl. At the same moment that he tried to trap you with his other arm, caging you against his chest, you threw your head back against his. He released you with a groan, clutching his forehead and stumbling backwards. His eyes were alight with fury. Your hands trembled around the gun, adrenaline and fear mixing together to create a messy, confusing swirl of emotions in your gut.

Part of you wanted to beg for his mercy. Another part wanted to kill him where he stood.

He began approaching you again, seemingly too furious to speak, but you steadied yourself and lifted the gun. He stopped, disbelief making a split-second appearance on his face before it was masked with a smirk.

That twisted, sickening smirk seemed to follow you everywhere. Even now, after he'd tried so hard to erase himself from your memory and replace his cruelty with a false version of Kakashi, seeing that expression on his face felt like welcoming an old friend.

Every Widow was familiar with that smile. For many, it was the last thing they saw.

You were not righteous. You had never felt the desire to seek revenge or justice for the things Orochimaru had done. For most of your life, Orochimaru's word had been law. The Widows were unquestioning against his demands and unflinching in the face of his cruelty. Detached from the reality of your comrades dying, you had never considered their deaths as sacrifices or tragedies. You couldn't. You would've fallen apart the moment you let yourself grieve them.

"There will always be failures among you," he'd said once, "and it is my job to see that the weak are purged. You should all be honored that you are among the strong. I've chosen each of you because you have the potential for greatness. Do not disappoint me."

Perhaps it was the sudden onslaught of memories that made the voices of those he'd killed echo within your tortured thoughts. Perhaps their pleas for mercy were directed at you, transforming into demands for vengeance as each overlapped with the other.

They begged for his death. His suffering would calm them into silence. You were a vessel for their desires, and they wanted him to bleed.

"Beg me for your lives," he would order, watching with that same smirk as they got on their knees and asked for his mercy.

He never gave it to them.

"Believing that you are special," Orochimaru said lowly, "will only bring you misery. You're still the same, scared little girl that you've always been. You're barely keeping yourself upright."

He wasn't wrong. You could feel the tremors wracking your body, and you knew they were clearly visible to both him and the silent Akatsuki watching from the corner.

"Do you remember them?" you finally asked, voice hoarse and trembling, though you were beginning to have trouble distinguishing your fear from your fury. "The girls you've killed?"

He let out a sharp, cruel laugh.

"Do you?" he asked, eyes narrowed. "You're no more innocent than I am. That's why I chose you. And what do you do with my favor? You throw it away like some petulant, ungrateful child!"

"I never wanted to kill anyone."

"A sorry excuse," he spit, "that does not mean anything. I didn't give you a place as a Widow because you were skilled. Every girl I trained, alive or not, was a skilled spy and assassin. You were chosen because you were obedient. I told you to kill, and you did so without hesitation or mercy."

Hinata's face flashed in your mind, eyes wide and desperate as you sank a knife into her chest.

"Yet you still chose to follow my orders," he continued, "I was not controlling you. It was your hands that ended their lives. You may believe you're being righteous, but if your intentions were as pure as you seem to think them, you would end us both. Your hypocrisy disgusts me."

"You forced us to kill one another," you shook your head, fighting against the voice in your head insisting that he was right. "That wasn't a test of strength?"

"Strength of will," he grinned, teeth bared and shining in the dim light. "You proved your loyalty was to me rather than any so-called bonds you may have formed with the others. It's a pity I didn't see your uselessness sooner. Your work for me was certainly not worth the headache you've become."

His bravery was commendable. Or perhaps it was confidence in your inability to pull the trigger.

"Haruno was a step towards a better future," he told you, smile falling from his face, "I was close to perfecting her, and after that, I would've been able to implement the same technology for all of you. The Black Widow Program would have seen a new era of growth."

You bit your tongue, trying to contain your anger at such a casual mention of Sakura and her suffering. You felt the iron bite of blood stain your teeth and tongue and let it ground you.

A long time ago, you would've allowed yourself to become what he wanted. You would've tied yourself down at a single command from him and allowed him to control your each and every thought. All he had to do was say the word.

But you had never cared for him. Never loved him in the way that he imagined his Widows should. Even in your desperation to go back to him in those first months with Kakashi and Sakura, you hated yourself for your dependence on him. You hated him for turning you into an extension of his own will, leaving you with no room for your own thoughts or desires. You had always been angry. You had always hated him.

But your anger was a quiet thing.

It festered beneath layers of fear and unquestioning obedience. Orochimaru beat his girls down until devotion to him became second nature.

And although fear remained, your devotion had cracked beneath the weight of his cruelty a long time ago. And now you knew what kindness was. What it looked and felt like. Affirming words and gentle touches that had once been foreign broke through the haze created by Orochimaru's control. Each layer that he had built so meticulously had seemed to shatter with a single touch.

It had all broken down so easily. His fragility had never been more clear than in this moment.

"Beg."

Stillness followed the word. As the sound faded, it felt as if it took all of the air around you with it. You thought the room itself had gone still, paralyzed by the force of your command.

An invisible, suffocating weight fell onto your neck like hands, as if attempting to force the word back down your throat.

Orochimaru was silent. His face was a tempest of disbelief and rage, and his hands itched at his sides as if it was painful for him to keep them still.

"You think I won't kill you for what you've done to Sakura? To the other girls?"

You took a step towards him, gun now steady in your hand despite the slight tremble in your voice.

"To me?"

You might have lost your mind. He was certainly looking at you as if you had.

"Beg me for your life."

On your knees, he'd always ordered.

He needed to feel as powerless as the girls he'd killed.

Why does your life have value to me? he'd ask, not caring to hear the answer.

He needed to hurt like they did. Like Sakura did.

Beg me for your life, he'd said each and every time he held a Widow at his fingertips and made her grovel, and I'll consider letting you live.

"You're a fool," Orochimaru chuckled, voice low and quiet despite the fury behind his words. He looked like he'd gone mad with rage, just barely holding himself back from violence. "just like all the others."

He took another, careless step forward. Before he could take a second, you lowered the gun and fired off a single shot. It hit his leg with a muted crack, then he was on the floor, breathing through grit teeth. He fell to the opposite knee and let out a frustrated shout.

It felt like something had taken over your body. Like it wasn't your words, but the words of those who deserved justice slipping from your lips. Pure, unhindered anger surged through you like a sudden, destructive wave. You'd never felt anything like it before.

Perhaps it was Orochimaru's conviction that you were too weak to kill him that triggered it. Perhaps it was the sight of him on his knees in front of you and the sick satisfaction you felt at the sight.

Before he had a chance to react, you shoved him back with your heel. He landed on his back with another groan, and you pressed the toe of your shoe into his neck.

"Well?" you asked quietly. "Why do you think you deserve to live?"

"They're just going to kill you," he hissed lieu of an answer, meeting your eyes and choking on the final words when you pressed harder against his throat, "you...you think Hatake will be able to protect you and Haruno from them?"

The laugh he let out as he motioned vaguely in the Akatsuki's direction was nothing more than a wheeze, but it still sounded gleefully arrogant.

"I don't care anymore," you said, closing your eyes and raising your head to the ceiling, "he'll protect Sakura, and they can do whatever they want to me. It doesn't matter."

You lifted your foot from his throat and he gasped, laboriously pushing himself off of his back.

"As long as you're gone," you said, lifting the gun once again, "I can die in peace."

"Wait," he wheezed, holding up a hand as if it would do anything to block a bullet, "I can help you. I can help you gain your freedom from HYDRA."

He's getting desperate.

A smile slowly spread across your lips.

"I told you," you knelt down, pressing a thumb into the wound on his leg. He groaned, too weak from pain to move out of your reach, "to beg."

He was panting now, chasing after desperate gasps for air. Pathetic, the Widow whispered in your ear. You smiled again, lips splitting from ear to ear.

Hello, old friend.

"Please," he finally snarled, his glare deadly as he wrapped his fingers weakly around your wrist, attempting to pull your hand from his wound.

Ah, you thought, eyes lighting up as the word tumbled from his lips, so this is what power feels like?

"Again."

No longer was the room engulfed in silence. Filling it now were Orochimaru wheezing breaths, each one more labored than the last.

Then, he began to laugh.

"You..." he muttered as he pushed himself forward, settling into a crouch before meeting your eyes, "you really are a hypocrite."

Then, in a burst of strength, he leapt forward, hands grasping at your shirt and lips pulled back in a wild, furious snarl.

You fired a second time.

Finally, everything went still.

He stumbled, eyes locked onto yours and a foreign expression on his face: pure, unconcealed shock. Then he fell forward, hands still gripping your shirt. Even in death, he managed to pull you to your knees, though it didn't take much effort. The strings of ghosts holding you up and guiding you until this point were suddenly cut, and you collapsed in a heap of dread and debilitating relief.

Orochimaru landed unceremoniously next to you, arm hanging limply over your lap and his fingers loosened on shirt.

He had stopped breathing before he hit the ground.

Disgust suddenly sent a wave of nausea through you, and you shoved his arm off of your legs. He rolled onto his back, empty eyes staring at the ceiling and arm landing on the floor with a smack.

The sound sent a shudder through you. Any rational thought had left you in the wake of the chaos—you just felt empty.

You took a deep breath, choking on the inhale and sinking onto your back as you pushed it from your lungs.

"That was quite the performance."

You didn't have the energy to be startled. Your head rolled on the floor until you were looking into the Akatsuki's eyes. He had the audacity to look pleased.

"To think that one pesky little spy was enough to bring Orochimaru to his knees," he let out something akin to a chuckle, "The Red Room must've been more fragile than he was letting on. Though it's rather poetic, no?"

He knelt down next to Orochimaru's body and gingerly pulled his eyelids over his open, shocked eyes.

"Well, I suppose we can discuss it some other time," he said finally, standing and taking a step closer to you. You turned your head, forced to look straight up to keep your eyes on him, "under different circumstances."

"Where are the others?" you choked.

"They're safe," he responded cooly, "they're at SHIELD's headquarters. Well, almost all of them."

You narrowed your eyes at him, thinking back to the haze that the night before had become.

"Ino," you whispered, breath catching in your throat.

The man looked amused by your concern

"There's no need to worry about her," he shook his head, waving a hand as if waving the mere idea of her away.

"Where is she?" you asked weakly—a far cry from the demand that you meant it to be.

"As I said, she is no longer your concern, nor are you hers."

His voice had become firmer, and you were reminded who it was standing above you.

You closed your mouth.

Seemingly satisfied with the way things had gone, the Akatsuki gave one final glance at Orochimaru's body before turning in the direction of the door.

"Wait."

The man paused and glanced back at you, emotions wiped from his face. You looked at him again—studied his face and his black hair and the ring of red around his pupils.

"Sasuke..." you choked, "he has a brother."

He stared at you, expression the picture of composure, then slipped through the door.

You remained motionless on the floor for a long time, splayed out next to Orochimaru's motionless body. His blood stained the ceiling, and you flinched when a drop of it fell onto your face.

You couldn't—wouldn't—think about what you had done. If you acknowledged the blood splatter above you or the body next to you, you'd have to admit that...

That Orochimaru was dead.

What am I supposed to do now?

The thought was passing, but you felt wholly unequipped to try and answer it. You felt far away from the person who laid motionless on the ground next to the lifeless body of her creator.

And even though Orochimaru was gone, this was still a cage. HYDRA had still found you, and you were insignificant compared to the larger powers at play around you.

The Akatsuki had said it himself. You weren't important to HYDRA.

So why had you been given the power to kill Orochimaru?

Through a haze of muddled emotions, you heard boots pounding against the concrete floor outside. You tried to give your body the appropriate commands to prepare for an unexpected entry—get up, move behind the door, keep quiet and catch any intruders off guard.

But you remained motionless, completely drained of any fight you had left.

If you were going to be trapped by HYDRA again, then maybe letting them find you was the best option.

You could hear doors being opened from the end of the hall. It wouldn't take long for them to reach you, and it was clear from the gun in your hand and the body next to you what had taken place. They'd see what you had done, and they would finish the job that the Akatsuki had left incomplete.

You pushed yourself against the wall on the opposite side of the door, cloaking yourself in shadows. Orochimaru's body was illuminated by the single bulb hanging from the ceiling, and blood was pooling on the floor around his head, reflecting the light and looking impossibly bright against the concrete beneath him.

You closed your eyes, but his face remained burned into your memory like a brand of guilt.

It only took a few moments for the pounding feet to reach the door of the room you occupied. It was shoved open and hit the wall behind it with a crack. You swallowed against rising bile.

"Y/N."

Your eyes slipped open automatically at the sound of his voice.

He couldn't be real. The Akatsuki would be back for you. Catching the attention of such powerful members of HYDRA couldn't be anything less than a life-sentence spent serving them.

But...

"Kakashi?"

He was here. This wasn't some trick or a poor imitation—he was here and he was real.

You were reaching towards him before you could stop yourself, risking falling forward in your haste to feel something solid and real and alive beneath your palms. He rushed forward, kneeling in front of you and taking your face between unsteady hands. He studied you for a moment, searching your expression. His touch was warm, masking the lingering chill of the Akatsuki's fingers gripping your chin. You felt yourself relaxing, head sinking into his hold.

"You remember."

It wasn't a question, but you nodded anyways. You were still piecing together your memories, trying to sort out what was real and what had been a mere fabrication under the threat of torture, but your feelings—your real feelings—they were all there. They'd been dug up from the trenches of your mind and demanded recognition.

You felt the weight of Orochimaru's death and your tempestuous memories lift when Kakashi pulled you against his chest.

His arms were anchors. They kept you from slipping away or looking just past his shoulder at Orochimaru's body. You buried your face in his shirt, closing your eyes and breathing in the smell of the forest that lingered in the fabric.

"I found you," he whispered. You nodded, too drained to speak. He held you like you would slip through his fingers if he loosened his grip. Still, you wanted to be closer—to make sure you wouldn't fall away from him again.

"He's dead," you whispered. You looked up and watched the door with wide, burning eyes, terrified that the Akatsuki would come back through the door at any moment. You could still see the blood surrounding Orochimaru in your periphery. "I killed him."

You choked on the words, denial flooding you before you could stop it. You couldn't have...you wouldn't have killed Orochimaru. He was everything. Your master. Your father. The reason you were still alive. Without him, you–

"Stop," Kakashi whispered.

The river of doubt came to a halt, and all you saw in the clear blue was a reflection of you in Kakashi's arms.

"He's gone," Kakashi whispered. At the same moment he spoke the words into existence, he brought a hand up and cupped the side of your face, blocking his body from your line of sight. "He can't hurt anyone anymore."

The other girls. He can't hurt the other girls anymore.

He can't hurt Sakura anymore.

Your eyes drifted to Kakashi's wrist. Though it had been weeks since you'd attacked him, the ringed bruises where your hands had been hadn't fully faded yet.

You touched the marked skin as gently as possible, running the tips of your fingers over yellow and purple skin, then dipped a hand under his shirt and pressed it against his stomach. You remembered, albeit vaguely, the way you'd kicked him to the ground, heel mercilessly sinking into his stomach in your blind panic and rage. He hissed at your touch, barely loud enough for you to hear, but you froze at the sound, retracting your hand as if it had been burned.

"I'm so sorry," you croaked. You had done this to him. No explanation of brainwashing or torture could excuse that, "I hurt you-"

"Stop," he said firmly, "you thought I was going to hurt you, and you were defending yourself. Nothing that happened was your fault."

"I could've fought harder."

You'd known, even while in the deepest recesses of Orochimaru's tricks, that what you were being told wasn't true. You knew that some part of you had always been skeptical, even if it had been buried somewhere you couldn't see.

"You did what you did to save Sakura. If anyone should've fought harder, it's me. I was the one who thought she was safe, and I was wrong. I should've fought harder for you."

You shook your head, but stilled when Kakashi's head fell against your shoulder. He deflated, sinking into your arms as if all of the energy had drained from him in a single moment. His hands fell from your face and wrapped around your waist, pulling you in so close that your legs had no where to go but on either side of him. You blinked, one hand lifting to tangle in his hair and the other falling to his waist like it was the most natural thing in the world.

The hands around your waist were trembling just slightly. Kakashi's head was pressed against your neck, and you could feel his eyelashes brushing again your skin.

"Kakashi..."

"Don't leave again," he whispered, breath heating your skin. You felt his lips brush against your neck as he spoke, and your grip tightened on his waist, "please."

Your breath halted at the word, and you could feel your heart racing as you thought back to what you'd done just moments before.

Beg, you'd said. You hadn't even hesitated.

You were just like Orochimaru. Kakashi hadn't seen your cruelty towards him. Hadn't seen how bloodthirsty you were in his final moments. Would he still be saying this if he knew what you'd done?

"Breath."

Kakashi was running a hand up and down your spine, as if coaxing the air from your lungs. You did your best to do as he asked, taking in a trembling breath and closing your eyes so that you couldn't see the gruesome scene surrounding you.

"They're going to kill me, Kakashi," you whispered, panic finally finding its home back in your chest. There was no world in which the Akatsuki let you live after everything that had happened.

Kakashi sat up at your words, his hands leaving behind a captivating warmth on your back.

"Who–"

The creaking of the door cut him off, and you looked over Kakashi's shoulder and met the eyes of a woman standing in the entrance. Kakashi lifted his head at the noise, tense and preparing to jump from where he sat to confront the intruder, but to your surprise, he relaxed at the sight her. Her eyes shifted from you and Kakashi to the body on the ground, then back again.

"Tsunade," Kakashi said, voice hoarse. "Buy us a few minutes. Please."

You watched, wide eyed, as Kakashi addressed the director of SHIELD like they were old friends. The woman standing in front of you was someone you'd been taught to despise your whole life, and Kakashi was still holding onto you like she was simply a passing stranger whose opinion held no weight.

Tsunade was silent. She watched you with a calculation that almost reminded you of Orochimaru. You shivered, still doing everything in your power to block his body from your view. Finally, Tsunade sighed and stepped out of the room.

"Ten minutes," she instructed coolly. "All clear! Start searching the next corridor!"

When the door slammed shut behind her, you looked back at Kakashi with wide, panicked eyes.

"Why is SHIELD here?"

The better question was: why isn't HYDRA?

"I'll explain everything," he swallowed, "I promise. I just...I need to hear you say that you'll stay."

That was not a simple request for him to make.

"Kakashi...it's not that easy. HYDRA will still–"

"I don't care."

You looked up, shocked by the intensity of his gaze. He looked angry and determined and desperate. He looked so, so sad.

"I'll fight for you," he said lowly, framing your face between his palms once again, "you've done nothing but think of others since the moment we met. Let me return the favor."

You felt warm. Warmer than you had in so long. Like the chill in the air left by the Akatsuki had been washed away by Kakashi's presence. You wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Could you really go back after everything you'd done?

"I..."

You wanted too much. It felt selfish, but you were suddenly filled with desires that you hadn't dared to fully consider with Orochimaru's threats looming over you. With his mere existence making you fear any form of attachment.

You wanted to be with Sakura. You wanted to help Kakashi train and protect his students. You wanted to be able to feel this intoxicating warmth everyday.

"Please," he said again, and this time is felt less like a curse and more like a promise, "I need you to stay."

What about SHIELD? you wanted to ask, What about HYDRA? The Akatsuki? The kids?

But instead:

"Ok."

Just this once, in this moment, you would be selfish.

But as Kakashi deflated, sinking back into your arms and letting out a shaking breath, it didn't feel like selfishness at all.

It felt like freedom.

MEMORANDUM FOR

FROM: Agent Danzo Shimura

TO: Director Tsunade Senju

SUBJECT: Operation MASQUE

MISSION REPORT

On September 22, Agent DANZO SHIMURA received a tip from [REDACTED] regarding Agent KAKASHI HATAKE's contact with active HYDRA personnel. On September 23, Agent Shimura deployed a reconnaissance team to SHIELD COMPOUND 18 for confirmation. The reconnaissance team consisted of Agent GENMA SHIRANUI, Agent ASUMA SARUTOBI, and Agent KURENAI YŪHI. Agent Shiranui reports TARGET A (Y/N Y/L/N, Alias: BLACK WIDOW) being restrained in the medical wing, likely due to hostile behavior.

On September 27, Agent Shimura organization OPERATION MASQUE to infiltrate and detain the targets and escort Agent Hatake as well as trainees SAKURA HARUNO, NATURO UZUMAKI, and SASUKE UCHIHA for questioning. At 18:00, the Recon Team began the operation. Anticipating hostile behavior, Agent Sarutobi released an incapacitating toxin into the outpost's ventilation system and waited until all suspects had been effected. Agent Sarutobi entered the building at 18:15 and observed TARGET A and TARGET B (INO YAMANAKA, Alias: BLACK WIDOW) speaking in the left wing of the compound. Both targets then began carrying all of the buildings occupants (including trainee SHIKAMARU NARA, who has been cleared of suspicion) into Agent Hatake's bedroom. Agents Sarutobi, Shiranui, and Yūhi converged on the targets' location and forced entry into the room. All occupants had been incapacitated and were prepared for transport back to SHIELD Headquarters.

At 20:00, SHIELD's transport vehicle was forcefully stopped and raided by Red Room operatives. The unidentified individuals removed Targets A and B from SHIELD's vehicle and transferred them into an unregistered black van. Agents Yūhi and Shiranui continued to SHIELD headquarters to bring Agent Hatake and his trainees to safety, while Agent Sarutobi pursued the suspects to an inactive HYDRA base.

Following Agent Sarutobi's report on the targets' location, Director TSUNADE SENJU took over the operation and successfully detained Target A in the HYDRA base (see separate report for details). No suspicious HYDRA affiliates were found within the base. As of September 28, Target B is missing.

CONCLUSION

I, Agent Danzo Shimura, recommend an indefinite suspension of Agent Kakashi Hatake from duty and the immediate detention of Y/N Y/L/N, as well as the reassignment of Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Sasuke Uchiha.

END MEMORANDUM

(previous chapter) | (next chapter - coming soon) | (series masterlist)

Author's note | thank you for reading! i promise y'all when i started this series i did not intend for the burn to be this slow. i PROMISE we're getting somewhere in that regard, and even though we're nearing the end of this series, i have so many ideas that i'm so excited about for more fics involving these characters so it will continue to burn (or just like,,,be on fire ig). i'll be taking a short break before i start writing again, but the sequel series will not take long to get going after i finish this one, so stay tuned!

i hope the amount of unanswered questions left from this part is exciting and makes you want to read more to see what's going on. if you find it takes away from the reading experience (or makes it better), please leave some thoughts! also, as always, any thoughts and feedback are more than welcome

i'd once again like to say thank you to everyone who has left me such wonderful comments and feedback. you guys are truly the reason i have continued writing this series (fun fact about me: this is the first series i've ever actually finished and have been excited about for this long). alongside the sequel series i have planned, i'd also like the write some one-shots that are more fluffy and light-hearted, so please send any requests for scenarios you want to see these characters in to my tumblr (linked below).

thank you to everyone who is still following this series. your patience astounds me. i feel like the time between each chapter has been getting longer, but i really want to be putting out quality storytelling and writing for you, and i don't have a beta so i get a bit perfectionistic about editing and stuff (even though i know it's not perfect).

anyways, that's all from me! i'll see you guys in the final chapter (although i know myself and the next chap might end up being so long-winded that i just split it into two, so we'll see). if you've read this far into the a/n you are my hero and i love you. please leave me some love if you enjoyed!

title is from "Bite the Hand" from boygenius

[cake-writes]

Whoops

Pairing: Kakashi x Female!Reader

Warnings: smut, sex pollen, consensual somnophilia, substances, oral sex + rimming (female receiving), vaginal fingering, anal fingering + anal sex (female receiving), rough sex, playful sex, unprotected sex, edging, spanking, creampie, soft!dom!kakashi, this fic had no right being so fucking filthy, 'honey' used one (1) time as a pet name, safe word mention, so! much! banter!!!

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: When you and Kakashi both forget to bring along something important on a mission, the two of you have to fight the effects of an aphrodisiac without.

—

You and Kakashi sit side-by-side on the sofa, staring down at the single white pill atop the coffee table of your inn room. His thigh presses against yours, allowing you to feel the heat radiating off of him—which is certainly, well, something, because your own body also feels way too hot. Stupidly hot.

“How could you forget to pack more detox pills?” Kakashi asks, looking over at you in mild disbelief. His cheeks appear rosy where they peek out above his mask, but you know it’s not so much from embarrassment as it is from the poison you’d both been hit by some hours ago.  

You shoot him a half-hearted glare. “How could you forget to pack condoms?”

Your first aid kit really should have had more pills in it than just the one, but you can’t remember the last time you did an inventory. And Kakashi, by regulation, should have had condoms in his bag in the event of a situation like this. Maybe he’d forgotten to double check his reserves, same as you. Whoops. 

The two of you would have been dosed just before dinner. That’s the only time an enemy trap had sprung, but there hadn’t been much of an effect until the middle of the night, long after the shops had closed and you’d settled in for sleep. At the time, you'd both assumed that it was just a bit of dust from the trap's explosion. Whoops, again.

With a weary sigh, your mission partner leans back against the couch, loosely crossing his arms over his chest in a deceivingly relaxed manner. “You take it,” Kakashi says, his uncovered eye drifting down your body before it flicks back up to yours. “You seem to have been hit harder than I was. I should be able to manage on my own.”

You swallow thickly at the mental imagery his words bring on. He’ll have to rub one out. More than one, most likely. “We should cut it in half. You’re still—”

“No. You’re smaller than I am, and you’re dealing with a stronger dose.”

He’s right. You can feel the sweat beading on your forehead, feel the warmth of a flush slowly creeping up your neck and onto your face, feel your skin burning for attention. Kakashi really is quite attractive—you’ve always thought so—and with the aphrodisiac coursing through your veins, your attraction to him has been cranked up to eleven. 

Fuck, your pussy aches, and only he can fill it the way that you need.

“Now take the pill before it gets any worse,” he tells you flatly. “That’s an order.”

“Ugh, fine.” Annoyed that Kakashi would seriously pull rank on you in this situation, you grab the pill and pop it into your mouth, before you chase it with a glass of water. Then you frown at him. “If you can’t manage, let me know. I’ll help.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“I mean it, Kakashi. Without a condom, we may not be able to, you know,” you jokingly make a rude gesture indicating sex, “but I know how shitty it can be to try and get through this on your own. If you need my help, let me know. Okay?”

If he’d brought condoms, he’d probably already be inside you right now. God, you feel so fucking empty.

“Okay,” Kakashi agrees, unfazed by the suggestion. The two of you are shinobi first, and people second. Your bodies are tools to be used in service of your village. You know that he knows that, same as you do. It’s definitely not the first time either of you have encountered an aphrodisiac; you’re both too experienced in the field to have that sort of plausible deniability.

The biggest issue, however, is that if it gets worse during the night, then his life could actually be at risk. Aphrodisiacs are still poison, albeit more pleasant than the usual suspects.

Kakashi gets a pensive look about him, then. “The pill will probably knock you out, you know. What then?”

You grimace. Right. So much time has passed since you last needed to take one that you’d forgotten. Forcing rest helps the body to heal more quickly, or some such. It’s terribly inconvenient.

“Well…” There really isn’t another option. If his hand isn’t enough, your unconscious body will have to be, because you sure as hell aren’t waking up to a dead teammate tomorrow. “You can use me,” you say finally, cursing your horny brain for actually enjoying the idea of it, of him using you for his pleasure while you’re asleep. “Take what you need, even if I’m knocked out. You have my permission. Just don’t hurt me, and don’t knock me up.”

A lick of heat comes into that dark grey eye of his, before he clears his throat and nods. “All right.” When he pulls himself to his feet, it’s impossible to miss the tent in his tac pants, though you make sure to keep your eyes above his waist out of respect for him. “Get some rest. I’ll try not to disturb you unless I have to.”

“Have fun,” you say sweetly, waggling your fingers in a wave as he heads back to his room.

—

Blearily, you wake to the sensation of fingers slicking through your folds.

The plush of your futon cushions your body, just as you remember upon going to sleep, though your yukata has since been pulled open at the front. The slight chill in the air brings goosebumps to the surface of your naked skin, bared to the night, and pebbles your nipples.

The poison seems to have worn off—of you, at least. You aren’t so stupidly hot anymore, but your tits and stomach do feel a bit sticky, a smattering of wetness cooling on your skin.

It’s cum, you vaguely realise. A lot of it.

Heat pools in your abdomen at the realisation that Kakashi used you—your nudity—for masturbation fodder. And now, he has your thighs splayed wide, allowing you to feel the heat of his breath against your soaked core while he spreads you open with his thumbs.

You should tell him that it’s okay. You should tell him that you don’t mind, that he can do whatever he needs to with you, but there’s something unbelievably sexy about him using you for his own enjoyment without you ever knowing. Then again, you’re still pretty out of it from the meds.

When his hot tongue slides up through your slit, a pleasured sound bubbles up from your throat before you can help it. He’s good with his mouth.

Kakashi chuckles against you, swirling his tongue over your clit until your hips jerk. “Finally awake?”

“M’sleepy,” you slur drowsily, rubbing at your eyes.

He hums in response, sluicing his fingers through your slick heat. You expect him to slide them into your aching core, but instead he moves a little lower, circling the rim of your ass with a fingertip. A glob of saliva joins it, before he coos, “I’m sorry for waking you. Is this okay?”

It’s been some time since you had anal, and the thought of it with him only makes you want it more. Maybe there is still some poison coursing through your veins. You’re too out of it for the pill to have fully done its job.

“Yeah,” you sigh, relaxing into his touch.

He flattens his tongue over your clit as he slowly eases his finger inside your tight hole. It’s a bit of a stretch, but you take it easily, moaning at the sensation.

“I know this isn’t ideal,” Kakashi murmurs against your heated flesh, sounding apologetic. “I would have loved to fuck you here,” he delves his tongue into your cunt for a moment, pulling a quiet gasp from you, before he drags it up to your clit again, “if I hadn’t already gotten off a few times. You’re so wet.”

It’s too risky for him to fuck your pussy with whatever semen might be lingering behind. He’s respecting your boundaries, but you’re sure he doesn’t want to take the chance, either.

“S’fine,” you answer sleepily. “Feels good.”

“If it hurts, tell me and I’ll stop, okay?”

“Mm. Okay.”

Time passes like a fever dream. You still feel foggy from the pill, and the pleasurable sensations that Kakashi bestows upon you only muddle your brain even further.

Soon your thighs are squeezing around his head, your fingers buried in soft, silvery hair as he edges you with his mouth for what must be the third time—or more, but you’re too out of it to really keep track. With each near-orgasm, he eases another finger inside, slowly but surely stretching out your tiny hole to take him.

When your body starts to quiver from pent-up release, he carefully withdraws his fingers from your ass and folds your thighs to your chest. Then, his tongue presses into your tight rim, tasting you directly.

The choked moan that rips out of you is nothing short of ungraceful. “K-Kashi,” you slur, cracking your eyes open to blearily meet his. “You don’t have to—mm!”

Kakashi gives you another long, savoury lick, holding eye contact the entire time to make his point, before he sits back up onto his knees and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re offering me your body,” he rasps, smoothing his hand along your calf where it rests on his shoulder. “The least I can do is make sure you enjoy it.”

Then he spits into his palm, messy and wet, and slicks up his cock with saliva. The action is so vulgar that your pussy clenches around nothing.

“Are you ready? I’m happy to prepare you more if you need it.”

“I’ll let you know if I’m not,” you answer breathily. It’s hard to see him in the darkness of your inn room, even if your body falls within the cascade of moonlight coming in through the window. You can still make out the shine of his eyes and the sharp, hard lines of his muscular form, but his face remains in shadow.

Damn it. You really want to see what he looks like under his mask.

“I’ll go slow,” he promises, and he does. Even though you can feel the heat coming off of his skin, and even though you can almost guarantee he’s just as horny as you’d been earlier, he takes it slow.

Kakashi has always had more self-restraint than you, even now.

His cock really is big, too—not bigger than you expected, but it’s definitely a stretch. He presses in carefully, not even an inch at a time, taking in every single one of your reactions to ensure that he doesn’t hurt you.

Your face screws up when the head pops in, locked inside by the tight squeeze of your body. “Fuck,” you choke out. “It’s big.”

He licks his thumb, before he brings it to your clit, rubbing soft circles over it to help ease you into the stretch. “Better?”

You make a soft, pleased noise in the back of your throat. It is better. It helps quite a bit, actually, by offering a distraction for when he slides in a bit further and you encounter a small amount of pain. Nothing severe; it just comes with the territory.

Even still, your hand flies down to jam against his thigh, keep him from going any deeper.

“It’s okay,” he says gently. “I’ll wait.”

And he does.

By the time he’s all the way inside, you’re practically panting like a dog because he feels so fucking good. Your empty cunt still aches to be filled, but the slow, beautiful glide as he pulls nearly all the way out of your other hole is a welcome alternative.

Kakashi adjusts your leg on his shoulder for a better grip. “Ready?”

You nod your head, peering up at him in the darkness.

Then he pushes back inside, all at once, and you both groan.

“I’m not gonna last long,” you gasp, and he lets out a laugh that sounds almost as winded as you feel.

“Neither am I.”

Kakashi treats you like glass in the way that he handles you, ensuring that it’s good for you, but there’s an undercurrent of need in his every movement, his every touch. You can feel it when his fingers dig firmly into the meat of your thigh; feel it in that slight loss of control every so often, when he thrusts hard, once, then reins it back in.

He’s prioritising your comfort, but he needs more.

“More,” you beg, because you need it, too.

He lowers your leg down and leans forward onto his hands, caging your body in between. The moonlight finally, finally reveals his face, and fuck, he just might be the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Strong, angular features paired with soft lips and a beauty mark on his chin—he’s gorgeous.

“More?” Kakashi asks amusedly. “Are you sure you can handle it?”

He snaps his hips forward once, testing your resolve.

“Yes, I can fucking handle—”

But you don’t finish, because when Kakashi shifts back slightly to allow another glob of saliva to fall from his mouth and onto the place where the two of you are connected, something in your brain breaks at the sight. It’s filthy, messy, wet—absolutely nothing like what you’ve come to expect from your mission partner, reserved as he is.

Or not. He’s just as much of a freak as you are. He just hides it better. Kakashi ate your ass without a shred of hesitation, and the memory is such a turn-on that you wiggle your hips impatiently.

Another soft laugh leaves him at that. “Needy,” he teases so affectionately that your cheeks burn, but you barely notice because he’s already fucking into you again, slow but so unyieldingly firm in his thrusts that you can almost feel the impact in your throat.

Cursing something unintelligible, you grab at the futon above your head to brace yourself. It feels so mind-numbingly good that you swear you might be going insane—or maybe that’s because the haze from the meds still hasn’t fully cleared.

The sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room as Kakashi well and truly gives you more, just like you asked for. Every time he hits as deep as he can go, you feel another shred of his self-control slip until he shoves your thighs up next to your ears and leans forward to trap your knees in the crooks of his elbows.

Then he fucks you faster.

You can see the aphrodisiac plain as day on his face, in the beautiful flush that colours his cheeks and chest and the sweat that dots his brow. Some of his hair sticks to his forehead, and when his near-manic eyes lock onto yours, you’re held captive under his hungry gaze.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asks raggedly. The muscles in his arms tense and strain as he holds himself above you, pounding into you, and then his lips curl up to reveal the slight point of a canine. “Maa, I just might break you at this rate, you know?”

It’s almost impossible to think, let alone string a sentence together, but you do it somehow. Each word punches out of your lungs with another forceful thrust. “Break me, then,” you demand, sounding breathless.

A dark note of desire comes into his features, sharingan swirling just a tiny bit faster when you reach your hand between your legs to play with your clit. As if the sensation wasn’t enough already, the sight of him looking so debauched could easily do you in.

And it would, too, if Kakashi didn’t bat your hand away. He drops down onto an elbow to change the angle, and although his cum smears wet between your bodies, neither of you notice because he plunges two fingers knuckle-deep into your cunt.

“You want me to break you, honey?” he asks, voice low, and a choked sort of wheeze rips out of you as he roughly crooks his fingers up into your g-spot. “All right. I’ll break you. Would you like that?”

Scratch that, he might be even more of a freak than you are, and you fucking love it. “Yes!”

Kakashi doesn’t pump his fingers in and out; instead, he uses them to bully your g-spot exclusively, dragging his thumb over your clit with every brutal snap of his hips. Your eyes roll back at the combined sensation, the overwhelm of it all, and you can’t even manage to get another word out—just an embarrassing mix of gasps and whines.

“Oh, look at you,” he sighs appreciatively. “Are you close?”

Your cunt flutters around his fingers as if to answer the question, and he lets out a knowing hum. Then, right before you crest, Kakashi pulls out of your ass and drops down to devour your pussy with an urgency that makes your toes curl.

“Shit,” you squeal, your body writhing under his sudden onslaught.

He rapidly pumps his fingers in and out, hooking them into your g-spot again and again, the wet, sloppy sound of you echoing throughout the room as he finger-fucks you into oblivion, all the while sucking on your clit until you can’t handle it anymore.

“M’gonna—fuck,” you swear, pulling at his hair. Your eyebrows scrunch together as you look down at him, admiring the sight of him, the way he’s focused so intently on your pleasure even as you grind your pussy into his mouth. “Yes, yes—”

The intensity in his eyes when they snap up to meet yours is what finally sends you over.

You shatter apart with distinctly wet gush that soaks your futon straight through to the tatami, but before you’re even finished convulsing, he’s already on top of you again, sliding right back into your poor, abused asshole until he bottoms out.

You choke. The size of him is even more noticeable after your orgasm, especially with the aftershocks still rippling through your body, but it feels good. Mostly.

He pauses, a flicker of softness in his expression. “Too much?”

“Never,” you say, offering what you intend to be a cocky smirk, even though you can barely keep your eyes open.  

His brows raise in surprise, just for a split-second, before he laughs softly and starts to ease in and out of you in slow, patient strokes, giving you a chance to adjust in spite of your bravado. “It’s a shame we didn’t do this sooner,” he comments, tone teasing. “We could have had a lot more fun on all those courier missions last year.”

You snort. “Don’t forget those awful recon missions in the snow.”

“Would have been a great way to keep warm,” he jokes, before his gaze trails over your face for a prolonged moment. “Better?”

You offer him a grateful smile, before you lick your lips, relishing in how his focus drops to your mouth for the briefest of moments. “Yeah. Now fuck me like you mean it, Hatake.”

“Oh?” Kakashi tilts his head in his familiar way—just like when he’s about to knock you on your ass in a sparring match. “You don’t think I meant it before?”

“No,” you answer snootily, because you’re a glutton for punishment.

“I see, I see,” he hums. “My mistake.”

In one fell swoop, you’re flat on your stomach, your face buried in the plush futon; and then he’s spreading your cheeks, spitting crudely onto your hole, and hiking your ass up higher with his grip on your hips.

“Oh, fuck,” you gasp, your cheek mashing into the sheets as he shoves his cock deep inside your stretched-out channel, deeper than he’d been previously.

All sense of softness is gone, now, replaced by a brutality that makes your eyes cross. Kakashi fucks into you hard, relentless in his pursuit to break you just like you wanted, and you love every second of it.

“What do you think, hm? Do I mean it now?” Kakashi asks lightly, after which one hand claps down on your ass when you struggle to piece together an answer. “I asked you a question.”

“Yes,” you croak out, drooling onto the sheets.

“Hm?” Another spank, harder this time, and you hiss in pain. “I don’t think I heard you.”

“Yes!” Your voice cracks on the word, and when he slows down to check on you, you rush to add, desperation in your tone, “Green, fuck, don’t—”

His hand embeds itself in your hair, before he yanks you up, making your back arch almost to the point of discomfort. His other arm snakes around your front and between your breasts, his fingers wrapping loosely around your throat as he pulls your body flush against his chest.

“You even have safe words,” Kakashi murmurs into your ear, grinding his hips into yours. “Why the hell didn’t we do this sooner?”

God, he’s so fucking deep.

“Probably—hah—because we work together,” you say breathlessly, leaning your head back onto his shoulder, “and because Lady Fifth would kill us for fraternizing.”

His laughter puffs hot against the shell of your ear. “What a way to die.”

He releases your hair, and slides his hand between your legs in order to messily work your clit. Your thighs tremble and shake from the added stimulation, your moans only increasing in volume the longer it goes on.

Five seconds, maybe? Ten? You can’t be sure.

“God, I feel like I’m drunk,” you groan, your words still slurring just a little. Time doesn’t feel like a real construct right now; all you know is that Kakashi is the only thing grounding you, keeping you from drifting away with the midnight breeze.

“I’m sorry. I waited as long as I could for the pill to wear off.” Then he presses an apologetic kiss to your temple, and a warm, happy shiver ricochets through you thanks to the affection behind it. “Do you want to stop? I should be able to manage from here.”

“No,” you breathe. “S’fun, just a little out of it.”

“Still want me to break you?”

You shake your head. “I’m getting sore.”

“All right.” He releases you, then, and carefully withdraws. “Lay on your back again. I’ll try to be quick.”

You do as he instructs, shifting onto your back with your legs spread. As you watch Kakashi smear a bit more spit onto his cock, you make a mental note to pack condoms and lube in your bag for future missions—you know, just in case.

He settles back between your thighs, his expression now reminiscent of what you’re used to: calm, serious, measured as he searches your face for any sign of discomfort. “Are you sure? We don’t have to keep going if you’re sore.”

“Mm, yeah. I think I can come again.”

“Yeah? Then I’ll make it happen.”

Kakashi holds himself at your entrance, still watching your face as he starts to ease back inside, and he does it so gently, so tenderly, that you might actually be tempted to fall for him. You’ve never seen this side of him until tonight, even though you’ve been working together off and on for years.

“You’re sweet,” you say without thinking.

His eyebrows shoot straight up onto his forehead, before he coughs to cover a laugh. “My cock is in your ass, and you think I’m sweet?”

Well, when he puts it like that, he has a point. “No, never mind, I take that back,” you respond haughtily, but there’s no heat behind it. “You’re a dick. My bad.”

This time, he does laugh. Kakashi smooths his palm along your thigh as he hooks it over his hip. “Yes, yes. Now, how do you want it? Like this? Or…” He drops back down onto his forearms, pressing your bodies together, and studies your reaction. “Like this? What’s more comfortable?”

You wrap your arms around his neck and lean up to brush his nose with yours, teasing and affectionate. “Like this.”

His eyes shine warmly. “Can I kiss you?”

The question throws you, because he hasn’t kissed you yet. How the hell hasn’t he kissed you yet? “Yeah. Yes. Please.”

He smiles just a little before his lips slot over yours, and your body thrums electric as he begins to rock into you with sensual, fluid movements that alleviate that incessant ache in your abdomen.

“Touch yourself,” Kakashi breathes into your mouth, following the words with his tongue like he intends to explore every inch, maybe steal your breath while he’s at it. You’d let him, too. He’s that good of a kisser.

When you shove your hand between your bodies and find your clit, you throw your head back to bite out a swear. “S-Shit, that’s good—”

He kisses a blazing trail up the line of your neck, his teeth scraping pleasantly against your skin every so often. “You like it when I’m sweet to you?” he hums.

Of course he’d still be making fun of you for that. You can hear it in his tone, but you don’t pay it any mind because he feels so fucking good that you want to scream. It’s all you can do to make a soft little sound in the affirmative, your nails digging into his back.

“Good,” he murmurs, “because I like being sweet to you.”

You whine as he lovingly sucks a bruise on your neck, laving his tongue over the mark to soothe it after.

Then he pulls back just slightly to meet your heavy-lidded gaze. “Where do you want it? I’m not going to last much longer.” 

Your breath comes out in short, sharp pants as he brings you higher—and himself, too, judging by his bitten-back moan of approval when you lock your ankles behind his back. “Inside,” you breathe. “Need it inside.”  

“Fuck, I know you do. Are you—?”

You nod your head frantically as you hold the eye contact, though it becomes increasingly harder to do so the closer you get to the edge. Your eyelids flutter when he hits a particularly good spot inside of you, which he makes a point to target from then on.

“Oh, fuck. Oh my god,” you babble mindlessly, clutching at his shoulders with one hand, rubbing at your clit with the other. “Yes, right there, just like that!”

Kakashi holds you gently under your chin, his fingertips lightly pressing into your cheeks to ensure that you can’t look away, and there’s a fondness to his expression as he watches you fall apart. “Yeah? Like that?”

“Yes,” you sob. “Yes, yes, yes—”

When Kakashi kisses you again, there’s no decorum to it, no finesse, and his teeth click against yours from the sheer need behind it. His tongue pushes deeply into your mouth, stifling your moans as you finally come undone, your muscles bearing down around him so tightly that he has no choice but to shove in as far as he can go and coat your insides with his cum.

He lets out a sound of male satisfaction against your lips, and the sudden burst of heat deep inside your body brings on a sense of warm, fuzzy contentment—the satisfaction of a job well done.

As the aftershocks fade, your heart pounds a frenzied tattoo within the confines of your chest as you work to regain your breath. Kakashi slumps against you, boneless and fatigued and heavy as hell, and you grunt when he all but crushes you under his weight.

“I don’t think I can move,” he says tiredly, muffled with his face buried in your neck. “I think I pulled something.”

“Oh, poor baby.”

At that, he only lays more heavily on you, purposely, which knocks more of the breath out of your lungs; but he does lift up after a moment, and the way he rolls off of you and onto the futon, splaying out spread eagle, would be funny if you weren’t aware of how exhausting the comedown can be from an aphrodisiac.

He’s probably thoroughly tapped out. It’s impossible to say how many times he got off, not to mention all the physical exertion he’d gone through to get there.

“Did you die?” you ask.

“Probably. Your ass did feel like heaven.”

When you groan at his terrible joke and give his side a playful shove, Kakashi chuckles, and god, he sounds beyond tapped out. You’re actually a little concerned, so you lean up onto an elbow to give him a once-over, make sure he’s all right.

That pretty red flush is thankfully beginning to recede from his skin, though you find a number of scratch marks from your fingernails around his shoulders and upper arms. A surge of feminine pride flows through you upon seeing them, and you absently trace one with your fingertip before you finally glance up at his face, only to find him watching you in amusement.

“Pervert,” he says.

You choke on a laugh. “Excuse me?”

Kakashi tucks one of his arms behind his head as a makeshift pillow, looking entirely too self-satisfied for your liking. “You’re just as bad as I am. I could have sworn you’d be more vanilla.”

You turn your nose up at him. “Well, I already knew you were a pervert. You read porn in public.”  

“Erotic literature,” he corrects pointedly.

“Sorry, you read erotic literature in public. Because that’s so much better.”

The two of you look at each other for a moment, trying not to smile at the banter, before you roll your eyes in mock annoyance and lay back down, resting your head on his chest. Kakashi wraps his free arm comfortably around you, trailing delicate patterns along your shoulder with his fingertips.

“Are you feeling better?” you ask quietly.

“A bit. Thank you. I hope you aren’t too sore.”

“Oh, I’m definitely gonna feel it tomorrow. I haven’t done anal in months.” Then you lift your head to give him a cheeky grin, resting your chin on his chest. “Worth it, though. I mean, I finally got to see your face after all these years, so I’m not complaining.”

His lips twitch, like he’s trying not to laugh. “You could have just asked.”

You scoff. “Pass.”

Then you go to lay your head back down, but he stops you.

“Wait. Look at me.” When you do as he says, Kakashi brushes his thumb along the corner of your mouth. “You’ve got something right here.”

“What?” Frowning, you lift your chin a little so he can have a better look. “Well, get it, then.”

Before you can react, he leans in to give you a quick, unexpected kiss.

You blink at him, your heartbeat stuttering inside of your chest.

“Got it,” he hums, licking his lips.

Your cheeks flush all over again. “You—That’s—”

“What, am I only allowed to kiss you if I’m inside you?”

“No! Just…” Your face feels on fire, and you look away, embarrassed. There’s a difference between sex and intimacy, and you’ve just discovered the fine line between them. “Just warn me next time.”

“All right.” You can hear the amusement in his voice, but he doesn’t poke fun at you any longer. Instead, Kakashi leans up to grab the blankets with his free hand, after which he pulls them over you both and wraps that same arm around you, holding you closer than before. “Get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow.”  

Nestled comfortably in his arms, you finally allow your eyelids to flutter shut. “Night, Kakashi.”

His lips brush tenderly over your forehead, before he whispers, “Goodnight.”

—

A/N: yes they need a shower. no we do not acknowledge this. lmao

thank you for reading! if you could please please please keysmash in the comments or reblog to show your appreciation, it would give me sooo much dopamine :)) thank you!!!

[marvelmymarvel]

Not Special

Kakashi Hatake x NarutoMotherFigure!Reader

Synopsis: Before Naruto, you were a feared kunoichi who killed thousands before the age of 14. Naruto didn't know any of this, which is why you weren't anything special to him. But that all changes after the Hokage asks you to pick the sword up again to protect the village against an impending threat.

Naruto Masterlist: Here

“My mom isn't anyone special. She's just normal!”

Kakashi’s eyebrow shot up at that, eyes landing on the blonde as he talked adamantly to Sakura about how cool the other kid's parents were - and how uncool you were. He pursed his lips, fighting back the urge to spill the truth about you and your past, but he knew you wanted to keep it a secret. You weren't proud of it; it was much bloodier than his was. You gave it up for Naruto when he came along. Your time in the ninja world was short, yet many feared you.

All things Naruto didn't know.

But Kakashi couldn't stop his questions from coming out, wondering why Naruto saw you as a ‘weakling’ in the first place. “You say Y/n isn't special? How come?” Naruto stopped in his tracks, eyes narrowing at Kakashi. “Well, she’s not a shinobi, first off. Secondly, all she does nowadays is help out at the daycare-”

“So that makes her not special?”

“Come on Kakashi-Sensei. You know what I mean! She's just not as strong as we are… Ya know?” 

The silence that hung in the air made Naruto shift on his feet, unnerved by his Sensei's sudden change in attitude. It was almost like he was challenging him to say another word. But Naruto knew better. “You don't know anything about who she was before you came along, Naruto….” 

“Wasn’t she 14? Kakashi-Sensei, I’m not sure she could have done much damage by the time she had turned 14-”

“That's enough” Kakashi’s sharp tone had Naruto shutting his mouth from fear; he didn't know how or why, but his statement cut deep. Kakashi wished you would have told Naruto about your past, why you stopped fighting, and why you kept it hidden. He wouldn't have to continuously hear about how ‘weak’ you were if you had just told Naruto everything.

“Now, let's begin our mission, shall we?”

Days had passed since Naruto left for his mission with the rest of team 7. You made Kakashi promise to keep him safe, which allowed you to focus on other ways to help the community. You had just handed off the last toddler to their parent and headed into the daycare to clean up your room. A figure in the middle of the mess caused you to jump in your spot - “Lord third! You scared me.”

He hummed at that before leaning against a bookshelf, pipe in between his teeth as he took in the chaotic room. The Third Hokage was against the path you chose; he’d have you as his personal guard if it were his way. He respected your wishes and respected them for 12 years, but now, as the threat of an enemy loomed over the village, he was coming back to you with a new offer.

One you simply cannot refuse.

“It is quite a shame that you gave up the Jonnin life at 14. You were a fine student, almost, if not better than Kakashi was,” He started as he moved through the room, his old eyes scanning over the arts and crafts drying on the tables. 

Your lips pursed at the sound of the Third Hokage’s words. You’ve heard this rant before; it was his specialty. He’d build you up with praise and acknowledgment, making you feel like you were the only person who could save the village before throwing an offer for you to return to the ninja life. You couldn't deny you missed it but didn't miss the blood. Didn't miss the death. Raising Naruto was more rewarding than killing hundreds of people for the village's sake.

Yet, you listened. Soaking up every word he told you as if you needed to hear them. He continued, recounting all of your successes before stopping to look at a particular picture on the wall. It was of you and your classroom, all in the picture, smiling. Did he want to do this? You sighed before bending down to pick up the toys on the floor.

“You don't just give praise without a request. Get on with it, Lord Third. I have a classroom to clean up.”

His eyes flicked to your figure. Your tone alone told him that your walls were up, and you wouldn't let him easily throw his suggestion over them. You would put up a fight, but maybe if he added Naruto into the mix, then you’d listen.

“You care about Naruto’s well-being, yes?”

Your body froze as your fingers hovered over a toy, your heart lurching in your throat as you braced yourself for this new approach. This was a sick, twisted way of getting what he wanted. He’s done this to you many times before, and while you know it's a trap, you always walk into it. You don't answer him, but your silence does.

“There's a threat looming over the village… I’ve gathered my best men, but I’m still missing the greatest one of all….” You sighed at that, eyebrows crinkling in pain as you felt the guilt creeping up your neck, practically strangling you with its cold bony fingers. “Naruto won't be safe if you can't help protect the village.”

There it was. 

Your e/c eyes flicked to his as you stood up straight. He was right in a sick, twisted kind of way. If you were involved, the threat would be easily avoidable. But how would you tell Naruto? You never once told him how many you’ve saved and never how many you’ve butchered in the name of the leaf village. He didn't know of the nightmares you shared with Kakashi or the vomiting due to the stress your young body was under.

He didn't know any of it. 

To him, you were just a daycare teacher. But to the village, to your Hokage, you were more. 

“I would like you to join the ANBU. When the threat passes, I will let you decide if you want to stay in the ANBU or return to this lifestyle.”

Your eyes brimmed with tears, and you fought the panic in your chest. You’ve been on a couple of missions with the ANBU; they were more ruthless than you were. Your teary eyes drifted to the picture beside the Hokage, lip pursing as you took in the smiling faces of the children you cared for daily. It wasn't just about you or Naruto; it never was.

“What do you say?”

You looked back at him before nodding slowly, “I will join the ANBU, but once this is over. I will never be picking up a Kunai again.”

Naruto bounded back into the village as their mission got cut short. The news spread like wildfire that a threat was coming down on the village, and all ninjas had been requested to return for backup. He raced to the daycare despite Kakashi’s yells. He had to get you to safety. You were the only person he cared for the most in this entire world. If anything happened to you, he would lose himself.

Naruto screamed your name as he ran up to the daycare, flinging open the doors as he flew down the hall. The lights were off, and a cold breeze flew past him as his eyes landed on the sight of your daycare room. Bodies lay everywhere, causing his eyes to widen at the sight of the enemy ninja strewn along the floor with jagged stabs in their chests. He backed out of the room; breath growing labored as he thought through where you may be. Naruto wasn't thinking clearly as he flew out of the daycare building. He would have known that the trap was set just for him if he were thinking clearly.

And he walked right into it.

A bag was shoved over his face as he was tackled. He called out for help, kicking and screaming for the men to get off him. The sound of slicing filled the air, and warm liquid splattered all over him; bodies were shoved off him one by one. Before long, he had freed himself from the group and ripped off the face covering. The sight before him made him stare in awe - A female ANBU officer was slaughtering the ninja one by one without breaking a sweat. It was as if they were nothing to her, almost as if she could take a hundred of them all at once and never falter in her movements. Finally, her sword drove through the chest of the last remaining ninja.

Naruto’s mouth hung open as she ripped the sword from the man's chest, sighing as she looked down at herself. She was drenched with blood. It was on her uniform, on her mask, in her hair, on her hands. The only thing she could wipe off was her sword. 

“Wow! That was, uh… Thank you” 

Her head snapped to the side to look at him before she once more let out a sigh. She slid the blade against her pant leg, trying to wipe off the blood she had accumulated in the past couple of hours. She put the sword back in the sheath on her back before storming towards him; reaching down, she hauled him back onto his feet.

“Why are you here?! Where is Kakashi?!” 

Naruto’s eyebrows furrowed at her words, the voice sounded familiar, but his brain refused to connect the dots. “You know Kakashi-Sensei? You’re starting to freak me out, lady.” The woman froze before him, realizing she had made a deadly error and there was no going back. She sighed before lifting her hand to her mask, “You can't tell anyone, Naruto.”

Naruto’s jaw dropped at the sight before him, “Hey… What the hell?!”

You shot a warning glare, silently scolding him for his language, but he didn't care. You were the ANBU lady??? The one he just saw brutally murder the 20 men lying around you. His eyes wandered around your face, brows crinkling in confusion as his brain caught up to the fact that you were in front of him, wearing an ANBU uniform and covered in blood. Lots and lots of blood.

“But, you’re not a shino-”

You sighed at his statement before he even finished, “A shinobi, yes I haven't been one for years” Naruto grew more confused at your confession. “For years? You were a shinobi before?” A small laugh flew from your lips as you face-palmed yourself. The blood on your hand smeared onto your face, making you cringe at the feeling and smell. Your heart started to race as you brought your hand from your face, eyes wide as you took in the crimson staining your skin. It made you feel sick; you didn't miss this at all. 

“Didn't I tell you to stay by my side Naruto?” Naruto jumped at Kakashi’s words as he landed beside you, slowly approaching you as if not wanting to spook you. “God, I hate this, Kakashi,” you whined out as you tried to look away from the blood on your hands. Kakashi quickly wiped it away with a small rag, reassuring you that you were doing something good, even if it meant killing people. There had been many nights where he’d have to reassure you in such a manner. The guilt you felt drove you mad; in a way, you were thankful for Naruto, who gave you a way out.

“How many did you kill, Y/n?” Kakashi whispered as he looked around the daycare. He was trying to gauge how many angry men would come after you. “About 70” 

Naruto gasped at the number, eyes widening as you turned into Kakashi. “So we should prepare for 100 more coming your way?” 

You nodded as your lip quivered - “I don't want to kill them. I can't do it anymore. I’m so tired.”

Kakashi nodded before starting to take off your vest. If he could get you out of the recognizable outfit and away from the fighting, he could quickly finish off the 100 angry men for you. “I can handle them; it's fine-”

“70?!” 

Your eyes shot to Naruto’s, and you froze at his awe-struck face. You didn't know if he was amazed or disgusted, but both reactions would have made your stomach churn all the same. Kakashi felt your sickness by the way you swayed in his arms, “Naruto, now is not the time-”

“I mean, how badass are you!? And you didn't even tell me?!?!”

Your eyes grew wide as you scanned the tree line for incoming intruders; suddenly, your fear-stricken face turned hard. Snatching up the mask from the ground, you shoved it on before drawing your sword. Kakashi held his breath. Your hearing was much sharper than his ever was. Before you knew it, 100 ninjas surrounded you three. You’ve fought more in one go; it was a simple task compared to other things you’ve had to do.

But doing it in front of Naruto made you falter. 

Did you want him to see the beast inside of you? The beast you hid from him as best you could. You let him believe you were boring to conceal that you were a kunoichi feared by many nations. You killed many men without mercy because you were instructed to, just as a good soldier does.

One of the ninjas looked toward Naruto, causing you to jump into action. You screamed for Naruto to run before slicing your sword to kill them quickly before they could get their hands on him. Naruto, for once, listened and ran to hide behind the building wall, far enough from the fighting to stay safe but close enough to watch you fight through the group. Kakashi did help a little, but you did most of the work. He was amazed and felt slightly guilty at his previous assumptions about you being weak. The display before him was anything but weak.

Within minutes, you had thinned down the group until the last one remained. Naruto expected you to kill him, but you did something else entirely. Your fingers gripped the bleeding man's collar, ripping him up so he was face-to-face with your ANBU mask. “Who do you take directions from? Who was the leader of this attack??” Your words were icy and full of hatred, not full of the warmth and love Naruto was used to. A shiver ripped down his spine as he watched you cock your head at the spluttering man. “Who. Is. In. Charge.” your snarl made the man break as he screamed out the name of the person in charge of the entire thing. You scoffed at him before driving your sword slowly into his chest. It was deliberately pushed in at a location that would  ensure a slow and painful death. It was then that Naruto realized this was the same ninja that looked his way at the beginning of the fight.

You ripped out your sword, letting the man fall to the ground as you watched him gasp for breath. Blood bubbled up from his throat before spewing from his mouth, he wouldn't die from internal bleeding, but he would die from drowning in the blood pooling in his lungs. Your head turned to the side, and while Naruto couldn't see your eyes, he knew your gaze was locked on him. You scared him and amazed him at the same time. He was amazed that you had taken down so many men without a worry in the world, but he was also scared at how fast you turned off your emotions when you went into killing mode.

You weren't the same. He didn't like this side of you.

A sigh flew from your lips as you read him like an open book. He was always so easy to see right through. You saw the fear radiating off him, causing you to drop your sword and rip off your mask as if trying to show him it was still you. That you were still the mom he loved so much. 

That you were nothing special.

But that wasn't true anymore; at least the last part wasn't.

You stepped towards him, head cocking as he cowered behind the wall. “Naruto, honey, I won't hurt you.” He didn't budge, didn't dare to, as you walked closer to him. “You aren’t my mom. I don't know who you are, but-”

“You’re right. I’m not your mom,” you stated firmly as you dropped into a crouch feet away from him. He jumped in his spot, flying back as you startled him. You smiled at his jumpiness but knew that this reaction was warranted. His lips trembled at your statement, and you realized your mistake. “No, no, that's not what I meant. The mom you know is not the mom in front of you. The person standing in front of you is someone that hasn't existed for 12 years. Naruto, I hate this person more than you would ever know. I let this person go so I could raise you, and after tonight, she will never come back.” You moved to sit cross-legged before him, hoping the childlike position would reassure him that the one he was talking to was his mom. 

The old you was far gone.

Naruto’s blue eyes flicked from you to Kakashi, who stood quietly behind you, hands in his pockets as if all this was old news. Because it was. Kakashi was the one that got you out of this mindset, and it silently terrified him just how easy it was for you to slip back into it. He knew he needed to bring it up later but now was not the time.

Seeing that his Sensei was calm and collected, Naruto nodded at your words before crawling towards you. Your eyebrows furrowed as he approached you, but they soon relaxed once you realized what he was doing. Naruto climbed into your lap, forcing your arms to wrap around him and cradle him in your embrace. You bit back a chuckle and pulled him in more, the blood smeared all over his clothes, but he didn't mind. He just needed to be reminded that you were his loving, carefree, warm-hearted mom. He didn't want a mom that was special. He didn't want a mom that was a renowned shinobi. He just wanted you. As you held him close, you decided then and there that you would never pick up a sword again, because caring for Naruto was more rewarding than wearing a mask and protecting the village. 

And nothing would change that.

[pupkashi]

boyfriend!kakashi headcanons

wordcount: 1,052

a/n: hello !! first time writing for kakashi so feedback is very appreciated !! may have rambled a bit,, this is all over the place sorry >.< i hope u all enjoy

I think it may take a bit for both of you to actually warm up to each other

he’s not exactly walking up to people with open arms like his best friend and you aren’t exactly confident enough to throw yourself out there to the most attractive ninja in the village

after a while you do end up within the same group of friends, sneaking glances at the silver haired sensei when you thought he wasn’t looking

kakashi knew, but he wasn’t gonna call you out anytime soon, always grateful his mask could hide the growing blush on his cheeks when you’d say hello to everyone and giving him a small smile

it wasnt long before the two of you started talking occasionally, naturally gravitating towards each other during parties or at bars

kakashi found himself always keeping an eye out for you no matter where he was, and when he did find you he’d be overjoyed, waving subtly at you before feeling giddy as you smiled widely and bounded towards him

always walked you home if you were alone, making sure to keep you close to him, hands brushing occasionally

it took him a month to work up the courage to ask you out in a date, you happily said yes and it was only up from there

he’d set up a small picnic, food he cooked himself along with your favorite drink and snacks you’d mentioned in passing, the details causing your heart to burst in fondness

kakashi asked you out a week after that, a large bouquet of flowers in hand and a shy smile on his face

dating kakashi is an absolute dream

y’all know the sidewalk rule ?? yeah he does that subconsciously

anytime he holds your hand he rubs sooting little circles or patterns on your knuckles air the back of your hand or palm

when you’re in large crowds he makes sure to hold your hand so he doesn’t lose you, always keeping you infront of him and placing one hand on the small of your back to guide you through the crowd

very little pda, the most he’ll do is holding hands or an occasional kiss on the cheek

behind closed doors however this man is like gum stuck to your side, if gum could talk and subtly ask for kisses and cuddles in bed

“wouldn’t be nice to just lay on the couch and cuddle for the rest of the day?”

“you know what sounds great right now?” “what” “a lot of kisses from you”

his ears would always be a tinge pink after asking and his heart would beat a little harder as you waited to reply, but the butterflies in his stomach erupted as you smiled and peppered kisses all over his face

loves cuddling you so much !!!

especially when he gets to lay on your chest and listen to your heartbeat as you play with his hair

absolutely adores hearing about your day and anything and everything you have to say

definitely keeps up with any drama you tell him about, even comes back with new information he ‘stumbled upon’ during the day

would absolutely love cooking for / with you

you two constantly bake together, making enough to give each of his little genin if they were good the previous day (you always made sure to slip naruto a bit more than the others)

furiously protective of you !!! always makes sure you feel safe on nights out, subtly doting on you enough to where you have your space but everyone knows you’re with him

if anyone has the balls to hit on you kakashi is standing behind you with his arms snaking around your waist, giving the other person the most intimidating look possible

definitely uses his build in his favor, standing with his arms crossed and muscles flexing under his shirt, his broad shoulders on full display before saying “can we help you?” to the man eyeing you up and down

you’d always find it very attractive how much he loved and cared for you, soon enough after that you’d drag him back out to make out with him and letting the night lead wherever it might (y’all fuck.)

buys you flowers constantly !!!! if you don’t live together he takes one of the flowers out of the bouquet and keeps it so that he knows when to buy you new ones

lots of ‘this made me think of you’ gifts from all over the place <3

when you can sleep he loves reading to you until you pass out on his chest, a smile on his face as he kisses your forehead and falls asleep next to you

his ninken love you

asking about you whenever they get the chance and bothering kakashi until they get to see you

you always make them treats and let them sleep on your bed, kakashi would scold you for it, telling you they’d get too used to it but when he sees that all of them had fallen asleep with you right in the middle his heart grows in his chest and he knows that he’s in love

takes you out on dates whenever he can so you two can get out of the apartment and catch up if he’s been gone for a while or if life’s just gotten in the way

you guys wouldn’t argue very often but when you did kakashi would be very mature about it, only sometimes shutting you out and leaving for the rest of the day or night to process his emotions alone

even if he’s mad well into the next day he’s make sure you’d eaten and gotten to work safe

the one time he had to leave for a mission the morning of an argument he’d left a ninken with you to walk you to and from work, leaving you a note to eat and stay safe with a small smiley face and heart

by the time he’d gotten back the argument seemed so stupid, and you were just grateful to have your boyfriend back in your arms, gently bringing up the topic and working things out with a smile and hot chocolate in hands

kakashi is just the dream boyfriend and he would love you to the ends of earth :(

[mushies-stories]

 Just let me take you home

Kakashi x reader

Warnings: none, suggestive kind of at the end?

Drunk reader and boyfriends Kakashi, Kakashi's gotta bring her home and she acts a bit like a brat when she gets to drunk.

Word count: 1533

maybe a part 2 morning after?

Your relationship with Kakashi wasn't so new that he hadn't even seen you drink or anything. He had a few times and for all those times were a little gushy and bubbly and even a bit of a brat, but he was able to bring you to your own home and let you sleep it off. Now that you're newly living together, going on two months he doesn't have that luxury and tonight Tsunade took you out drinking to celebrate the ‘big step’ in your relationship.

Kakashi showed up a little later than he intended to pick you up, wanting to make sure you got home safe and he knew immediately after walking into the room that it was a mistake. You and Tsunade were almost forcing sakura to take another shot even though she’s clearly had enough. 

“C’mon Y/N it's time to go home.” Kakashi attempted to get your attention away from another shot with Tsunade but failed when you completely ignored him and took the shot anyway, no longer concerned with getting Sakura to join either. Letting out an already defeated sigh. “Hey, Y/N.” he attempted again but was once again ignored. Even Stunade was ignoring him. 

Rolling his eyes he crouched down so he was a little more level with you. “Y/N.” he said your name sternly and louder.

Your head whipped around and a goofy smile spread across your flushed face. “Kakashi! Have a drink!” you offered up an almost empty bottle of sake. 

“Yeah! Come on drink!” Tsunade cheered beside you. Kakashi gave her a look that told her to stay out of it. Surprisingly she did and focused on bothering Sakura again who still wanted nothing to do with any of them.

“None of that. Now come on, I'm bringing you home.” Kakashi motioned for you to stand.

You frowned up at your boyfriend. “But I don't want to, Tsunade’s still drinking!” you frowned and tried to argue. 

Shaking his head Kakashi held his hand out for you to grab. “Well she's another beast entirely Y/N and you can hardly keep your eyes open.” He started and waited for you to take his hand so he could get you out of here. But you didn't, you just looked at him and attempted the cutest pout you could muster, and Kakashi will admit it was a good attempt but he wanted to go home, with you, safely. 

“Now, Y/N” he said firmly once again. “Just let me take you home.” He knew you were doing this because you enjoyed it when he had to use the stern tones and dominance tactics with you. Since he was normally calm and nice and sweet this was something you normally did only when you drank too much. But it got your attention and you took his hand. “Good girl.” he said as he helped you to your feet. You were wobbly and didn't think you could actually walk. 

“Kakashi, i dont think I'm walking home.” you giggled as you tried to keep from falling over, mostly due to Kakashi's hands holding yours.

Nodding he let go of you and turned to crouch down again. “Get on.” He instructed. You giggled and wobbly got on his back. Once you were situated he stood with your legs loosely dangling at his sides. “Good?” he asked. You hummed in response and swung your legs back and forth. If he knew all it took was a piggy back ride home he would have suggested that right away he thought.

With a final over dramatic goodbye from everyone you two were on your way home. Kakashi didn't speak much due to your lack of not talking. You told him all about the night and even teased him with a few embarrassing stories the girls had told you. 

Once you had made it home Kakashi brought you into the bathroom and had you brush your teeth and wash your face. He filled a cup with water and handed it to you. “Drink that, I’m going to change and get you some clothes.” He said and left you to sip at the water. It only took a moment for him to come back in just a pair of gray sweats. The shirt and shorts were set next to you on the counter. “You barely even drank the water.” Kakashi stated.

You looked at the glass then to Kakashi with a crooked smile. “I'm not thirsty.” 

“That's not the point.” He said, a bored expression on his face.

You set the glass down and distracted yourself with what Kakashi picked out for you to sleep in before he tried to tell you to drink anymore. The black tank top was good for the summer night but you frowned when you saw the gray shorts. “huh?” you hear Kakashi ask, confused.

“These are ugly, I want the cute ones.” you stated, holding the gray ones out to your boyfriend who was now staring at you like you didn't make any sense. He took the shorts from you without a word and walked back into the bedroom. “Those ones! Thank you!” you cheered when he came back a moment later holding an even skimpier pair of purple shorts. He honestly just took a guess at a color he thought you might like better. 

Kakashi caught you as you leaped off the counter top giggling and he held you still as you changed shorts. “Well I guess you were right, they are cuter.” He admitted. “Bedtime, c’mon” He said, directing you to the bedroom. He pulled the blankets back and you dived right under the covers. “It's so hot how can you want to be under the covers?” he asked, getting into bed next to you, and leaving the covers loosely draped over his lap as he sat against the headboard of the bed.

You turned on your side to look at him with a smile as you curled into the plush pillows and blankets that soon surrounded everything but your face. “It's comfortable.” You shrugged your shoulders. Kakashi hummed in response and turned the side table lamp. “You aren't going to read are you? You said it was bedtime.” You said matter-of-fact. 

He leaned over and kissed you on the side of the head, or what he could manage with the blanket over most of you. “You need to sleep, I need to read this chapter then I can sleep.” He pulled the book from its spot in the table drawer and turned to a page about halfway through. He gave you a side eye when you noticed your eyes on him. You had a pout on your face as you looked at him. “What's the face for?” he asked, flipping the book and holding the page with his thumb.

You sat up and let the covers fall off of you. “If you're awake then you can give me attention, duh.” You tried to sound demanding but really it just sounded like whining. 

Kakashi let out a soft sigh and set his book down the night stand. “And what is it you want me to do?” His entire focus, now on you. Kakashi still wasn't used to this side of you though. You were more outspoken and brattier, he was still getting a feel on how to deal with this attitude of yours and he didn't want to push anything while you were drunk and already not thinking totally clearly.

A small smile crept on your face. “Well there's a few things I could think of.” You moved to sit on his lap, giving Kakashi a full view of your chest, the tanktop not just as much as the shorts to keep you concealed. 

Stopping you from going farther, Kakashi gripped your hips in a firm hold. He shook his head as you stuck your bottom lip out at him. “All these demands tonight, I don't think so.” Kakashi decided you won't get your way with this tonight but he might as well tease you for being a brat tonight. 

 “But Kakashi.” You whined. 

Moving his hands to the back of your thighs, the room around you was flipped in an instant and you were laying on your back. Kakashi hovered over you and held you still as he leaned down to the crook of your back. “Whining and acting like a brat all night.” He said and nipped at your neck and chuckled when he felt you tense under him. He pulled back and mooted some hair down around your face. “Go to bed, be a good girl and we will see if you're still a good girl tomorrow.” He told you and moved entirely from hovering over you back to his spot against the headboard. 

You let out a huff but did as he says and pulled the cover back over you, curling into Kakashi's side as he picked his book back up and began reading. “You better mean that mister.” You said and closed your eyes, soon falling into a deep sleep curled against your boyfriend. An amused smile sat on Kakashi's lips as he continued to read more than just a chapter. 

[dira333]

Heartbreak Trees - Kakashi x Reader

warnings: cursing, people die, people only wear underwear at some point + hinting at my Might Guy fic at some point

requested by @revasserium

Right behind his house, always visible from the corner of his eyes wherever he’s looking, are the heartbreak trees.

At some point in the history of the Hatake Clan they must have had a different meaning, those five proud willows overlooking the the estate.

But he’s the last living Hatake and most of his blood is buried beneath them.

His father used to tell him about it. How his grand-grand-grand-father’s first wife used to love sitting in their shadow, how he saw it only fit that she’d be able to spend all of her days beneath them.

His own mother is buried there, because death through childbirth does not make you a hero and everyone knows that only heroes are buried around the memorial stone.

He made sure to bury his father right next to her.

-

“What’cha doing?” You’re hanging upside down from a branch, trusting only your toes to support your weight. Your grin is upside down but he’d still recognise it everywhere.

“Reading.” He flips a page he’s not bothered to look at, pretending to be focused on something else while he stays aware of your every movement.

“Mhm.” You flip yourself off and land with the ease of a practiced Shinobi. “You wanna take that to Ichiraku’s?”

“I’m not hungry.” 

“Mhm.” You humm again. “No one said you have to eat. Maybe I just like the sight of you.”

He doesn’t blush but his hand freezes, halfway between flipping to another page.

Your grin tells him that you did not miss it, like you never seem to miss anything he does.

-

“Well, that sucks.” You say to no one at particular and stare at the puddle of blood forming under your leg.

“How’d that happen?” He asks, already pulling bandages from his bag. “You’re normally the one with the least amount of injuries.”

“Oh, I got distracted.” You say and smile up at him as he cradles your leg in his hands, applying pressure to the wound to stop the bleeding.

“You’re a former Anbu. What could have distracted you?”

“Your hair looked like spiderwebs in the sunshine.” He freezes before your words have fully left your lips and he can feel the heat of your eyes on his hair, appreciating not for the first time that you might be pushy with your words, but your actions speak of your patience. You will not touch him unless he allows it.

“You’re impossible.”

“Mhm. You’re impossible attractive.”

-

“You know, you do have enough money to buy yourself a better bed.” 

He flinches so hard he throws himself out of said bed, glaring up at you from the floor.

“What are you doing in my house?” 

You blink, trying to look innocent and failing spectacularly.

“Darling, I was the one who got you home last night. Remember? You were so drunk you tried to take Might Guy’s head with you and called it your favorite bowling ball.”

He rubs his eyes and pinches his nose.

“And you stayed?”

There’s a somber tone in your voice, one he can’t remember having heard before.

“You asked me to stay. I couldn’t say no.”

He wonders, shame flooding his veins, how he asked.

Did he beg, like he once did with Might Guy? Did he cry, like he’d done multiple times with Pakkun as his only witness?

“I think you should stop trying to drink Might Guy’s girlfriend under the table. It will never happen.”

“I was challenged by Anko.”

You harrumph. “Even worse. But you know, getting back to the topic at hand, you definitely need a new mattres. Do you want me to help you shop for it?”

-

“Well fuck that, who are you?” He hears your voice in the kitchen. 

He knows that you’re more than capable defending yourself, he recognizes that your voice sound more intrigued than fearful, but his mind is still drunk on sleep and insecurity, flinging him out of bed like a jack in the box.

Naruto’s in the kitchen. 

Naruto, in all his freshly-made-Genin arrogance and his tendency to wreak havoc where peace had been before, is standing in his kitchen, facing you, in your underwear, coffee in one hand, breakfast sandwich in the other, your hair a mess that spelt late nights under his covers.

“Who are you?” Naruto asks back, brows furrowed in a way that would have been adorable in almost any other circumstance.

“A ghost.” You clip back and put the sandwich down only to turn to Kakashi with raised eyebrows.

“You’re not wearing pants.”

Right. At least he’d put on his mask.

-

Naruto, incapable of keeping a secret, turns out to be highly susceptible to bribery.

“You’re costing me a lot, pretty boy.” You tell him later that day when he returns from training the gremlins only to find you perched on his bed like you’re a dragon and this is your stash of gold.

“No one would have believed him.” He argues with what he’s been telling himself the whole day.

“Mhm. But you would have cared about it.” 

It’s not the first time you’ve been able to look right through him, as if his eyes are windows to you when they are locked doors to everyone else.

“Come on.” You pat the spot next to you as if this is your bed and not his, your home and not his. “I gotta tell you about my day. You won’t believe what happened.”

He slips into his spot like he’s done hundreds of times before and wonders if this is really still his home, and his alone, and not maybe yours, as in the both of you.

You knock your head against his when you realize he’s zoning out and he grunts as if he’s annoyed.

Both of you ignore the way he takes your hands in his.

-

“I bet he has a scar.” Kotetsu nods to himself as he speaks, almost throwing his glass off the table as he tries to reach for it.

“Nah.” Izumo is just as drunk as he is, but he’s got better controlf of his extremities, Sake still sloshing out of his cup as he drinks. “I’m telling you, he’s got a mole.”

Genma’s a heavy weight on your shoulder, not yet as drunk as your friends, but grinning like the fool he is. “Well, you know, don’t you?”

He asks and even in your inebriated state you can tell that that body at the end of the bar is stiffening at his words. 

“Why would I know?” You say. “‘sides, it’s not any of our businesses.” You stumble over the last word a little, with it’s too many s.

“Yeah, but you’re in love with him.” Genma’s cooing now, trying to sound like a lovesick fool but the endresult sounds more like Might Guy’s drunken singing. He tries to poke your cheek and you grab his hand and twist it until it’s flat on the table and he’s cursing.

“I’m going home.” You say. “Next you’re going to talk about Anko’s booty and I don’t need to be around for that.”

“But it’s so nice.” Genma whines, cradling his arm and you roll your eyes at him.

“Tell her that yourself.” You stumble away from your table, wondering yet again how the Sake only ever kicks in when you need to walk but never when you’re sitting comfortably, debating another bottle.

The man from the bar exits behind you. You eye him suspiciously, the purple streaks under his eyes not distracting enough for you.

“Since when are you getting jealous of Genma?” You ask and he snorts, offering you his arm to hold on to as you make your way through town.

“I’m not jealous.”

“Good.” You pat his arm. “No reason to be jealous of. You know he’s into Anko.”

“And you’re in love with me.” He copies Genma’s singing and you kick the back of his knee, cackling when he looses his balance, barely catching himself before he topples over with you in tow.

-

“We can make it official.” He tells you once he’s upright again, your cackling turned into a content giggle.

“Hmm?” You ask, the topic already wiped from your brain.

“Our relationship. We could make it official.”

You smile and it’s soft and understanding, not the teasing one he’s grown to love or the wide one he’s learned to trust.

“Darling,” you say, “You don’t have to force yourself to anything. I don’t mind walking the streets with you in disguise as long as you’re honest with me.”

He falls quiet, lets you drag him the rest of the way, singing a song under your breath as you sway.

But he leads you away from the house, into the darkness surrounding it, up to the heartbreak trees.

You fall quiet beside him, always able to recognize what he needs.

He touches the bark of the first willow, his heart beating in his throat. 

“This is me.” He says. He doesn’t mean the tree and yet he does.

“Yeah.” You say, looking down at the gravestones wedged between the roots. “You are. A living being growing strong despite the devastation beneath your feet.”

He only realizes that he’s started shivering when you take his hands in yours, fold your fingers around his. 

“I’ve always loved the thought of this burial ground. To love someone so much you want them close in all your lifes.”

He chokes and his heart slips from his throat and into his chest, beating twice as strong now that it’s back at its right place, a warm and foreign presence.

You lift one hand from his and reach up to brush his hair from his face.

“You okay?” You ask and he nods.

He’s okay. He’s okay when he’s with you.

-

All he wants to do is sleep.

All you want to do is stay up.

He’s buried himself in blankets, has curled himself around you, but you’re still sitting in bed, flipping through one of his books. Your eyes never stay long enough on a page to read the words and he wonders if he’s finally reached your breaking point.

This might be the moment where you realize. 

Kakashi Hatake is a mess no one can fix. A pot so broken you cannot Kintsugi your way out of this. 

He should speak up, give you the courtesy of addressing it, but he cannot bring himself to break his own heart.

So he watches, drained and tired, wanting nothing more than to sleep but unwilling to miss any second he has left with you.

Eventually you reach the last page and stare down at it, your hands shaking a little as if you’re holding back tears.

Wordlessly you put the book away and reach around you to pry his arms of you.

He lets it happen, mouth pulled into a thin line as he pretends to be asleep.

But you don’t move away from him. You pull him into your lap instead, fold his body until his head is pressed into your stomach and his hands are wrapped around your legs instead. 

Your hands move into his hair, braiding sections and tugging on strands that are too short to be braided.

“I thought I did not have to talk about it.” You tell him, your voice hoarse. “But I can’t live, laugh, love my way out of this.”

He wonders if he should fake snore to get out of this conversation. You pinch his side as if you heard his thoughts.

“When I was sixteen, I drowned on a mission.” His body stiffens as his mind supplies the pictures. He doesn’t want to think of you that way. He cannot picture you that way.

“We had a medic nin with us who knew her shit, so I got back and I pretended everything was fine but, like… I was so scared.” You whisper the last words, your hands stopping in his hair. 

“Got a mission right after that, two days recovery max. Getting back into action kept me going after that, you probably know how it is.”

He doesn’t answer but you don’t need him to. Instead you fold into yourself until he can feel your lips press against his temple.

“So many people died today, Kakashi. You died today. I need to talk about it.”

“What do you want to talk about?” He wants to sound light hearted but fails miserably.

“I want to tell you that you have to die after me.” You take a half breath. “And that you have to bury me with your family because if you think death can get you out of this relationship, you’ve got another thing coming.” 

He blinks up at you and you crack that smile he would know everywhere, even if it’s upside down.

“But I wouldn’t do that to you.” You brush your hand over his eyebrows and he kisses the skin of your hands with his eyelashes, can feel your caress on his cheeks and your fingertips on his lips.

“We die together.” He voices your thoughts and you grimace.

“I know we can’t plan that shit.”

“We can. If anyone can, it’s us.” He catches your hand this time, pulling his mask down with the other.

You blink down at him and cock your head.

“No mole.” You tell him and he shakes his head with a grin, pulling the fabric back up..

“No mole.”

“Mhm.” You tug at his mask with your free hand. “Let me check again. Just to be sure.”

-

One day he might be able to tell you of the dream he had when he was dead.

Tell you what he told his father about you. 

One day he might be able to tell you about the heartbreak trees.

They weren’t always named that way.

Once upon a time, they were simply called… home.

[kashi-prompts]

Prompt: You're Safe

Subject: You wake up in the middle of the night riddled with anxiety. Only one man's touch can settle your nerves.

Pairing: Kakashi x Reader

Word Count: 882

Rating: T

There's a noise outside your window. 

A distant sound that jostles you awake beneath the covers. You shift your legs uncomfortably, feeling the summer heat slicken your skin with sweat. You will yourself to fall back asleep, teetering between the expansive solace of your dreams and the uneasy sense of reality that is just beyond the threshold of your hazy mind.

Your senses decide on the latter, your eyes sliding open despite your best intentions to remain nestled in the comfort of your dreams. You stare at the ceiling, the tiles barely illuminated by the soft glow of the moon casting itself through the window behind you. You hear your husband beside you, his breath soft in your ear as he peacefully sleeps. 

Don't do it, you think to yourself, closing your eyes again. Go back to sleep.

You shut your eyes, grasping desperately to sleep. Yet, that familiar sense of anxiety begins to creep up your spine, your chest tightening as you take in a deep breath through your nose. There was nothing wrong, no threat, no danger - yet your body sensed something was off. Something you couldn't quite put your finger on. You could feel yourself teetering on the edge of panic despite your mind not comprehending the origin.

You were alone here, isolated with your thoughts and unease. The clock next to you read 3:38AM. A time nearly no one was awake, and there were no prospects of the sun rising to relieve the moon of its duties any time soon. If only it were later. 

You rub your chest, taking another deep breath. And another. The sides of your palms begin to tingle uncomfortably, and you can feel yourself beginning to sweat from your body's rising temperature. You swallow hard, begging yourself to remain calm. There was nothing wrong - and yet?

You sat up in bed, feeling your stomach begin to church. You hold it, pushing away nausea as you try to catch your breath from running an obscure race in your mind. There's a groan beside you, and you swear softly to yourself for waking him. 

"[y/n]?" you hear a thick voice call softly to you, a palm spread at the base of your spine. 

"Go back to sleep," you manage quietly, looking down to see one unsettled, sleepy black eye staring back at you. Your voice cracked slightly, its pitch higher than usual, despite your best efforts. Your stomach stirred again, nausea pivoting into your chest as you heaved another breath, flexing your hands in your lap.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asks, sitting up on his elbow. You look back again, his grey hair falling over his forehead as he stares at you through the dark, concern written on his features. 

"I'm fine," you tell him, although you can feel yourself begin to shiver under his touch that slides up your back. 

"Do you feel okay?" his voice clears, shifting to sit up in bed as he looks over at you, watching you stare blankly ahead. You can't stop it now. It's as though a levy had broken, flooding you with panic at some unspecified origin.

"[y/n]," he breathes, realizing the situation as he pushes away sleep. Your breath hitches, your body shaking as you try to control it. Embarrassment casting a shadow as you realize you can't stop it. This anonymous demon that creeps into your mind when you least expect it, wreaking devastation and destruction to your mind and body. 

"Hey, it's okay," you feel his hand slide up your neck, pulling you into his chest. His fingers weave into your hairline, dancing circles on your scalp as you take deep breaths. 

His lips press against your crown, cradling you against him as you let out a soft cry against his nightshirt. Why were you like this? As if knowing what you were thinking, he tightens his grip on your shoulder, rocking your body slightly as you snake your arms around his torso. 

"You're okay," he whispers against your hair, "You're safe. There's no danger. Just you and me." 

You whimper against his chest, letting out a trembling breath. He grips your shoulders, his nose buried in your hair as you continue to breathe deeply. The nausea in your stomach slowly settles, your racing thoughts following suit as he continued to whisper assurances in your ears. 

You don't know how long you sat there, cradled in his arms, a palm drawing circles on your spine. But all you knew was that there was something in his touch, in his presence, that settled your nerves like no other. Your sharp, deep breaths were replaced with soft inhales of the lingering scent that stuck to his skin. Your numb hands slowly returned with a soothing warmth of gratitude, enveloping you just as his arms surrounded your body. 

After some time, Kakashi carefully pulls you both back into the sheets, conscious not to let go of you. He kissed the top of your head again, your hand sliding to the center of his chest. You feel yourself settle, the adrenaline rush that had pumped through your body slowly scattering away from your bloodstream. 

"I love you," he murmurs, intertwining his fingers with yours. You let out an unsteady breath, kissing his collar in gratitude. 

"I love you too." 

[adrunkskeletonsduck]

Could you possibly write a Kakashi x Reader where Kakashi goes on a mission and when he comes back the reader has been hurt in an attack?

“Wᴏᴇ“

➜ Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x reader

➜ Synopsis: Anxiety beat loudly in his chest, the chriscendo of blood roaring loudly in his ears. Fear was not an emotion he associated with himself. Confidence, stoicism, and even smugness were all traits that, to the outside world, made him up, but every single one of them was failing him as he laid witness to the horrors that fell upon you.

➜ Warnings: Gn!reader, fluff, blood, unconscious reader, not properly proofread

➜ Word Count: 1.1k

➜ Notes: THANK YOU FOR 100 FOLLOWERS????

Nᴀʀᴜᴛᴏ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

The minute He stepped through the gates of the hidden leaf village he was rushing off to find you, not even sparing the rest of his team a glance as he went. He went straight to your apartment, not bothering to stop at his, he had everything he needed and more at your place. Rummaging through the many pockets of his uniform for the spare key you’d given him and opening the door only to find that it was already unlocked.  

His brows furrowed, strange. You always remembered to lock your door. Maybe you’d just been extra tired or had a lot going on, he reasoned with himself. It probably just slipped your mind. Even so a little knot of worry formed in his stomach, but he didn’t want to waste the last of his energy on his paranoia so he ignored it, pushing the door open and stepping inside.  

His brows furrowed, strange. You always remembered to lock your door. Maybe you’d just been extra tired or had a lot going on, he reasoned with himself. It probably just slipped your mind. Even so a little knot of worry formed in his stomach, but he didn’t want to waste the last of his energy on his paranoia so he ignored it, pushing the door open and stepping inside.  

When he entered, he’d been expecting to see you on the couch watching a tv show, in the shower, taking a nap or maybe find you in the kitchen baking something to pass the time but not this. Anything but this.  

Objects were strewn about, broken glass that sat in a puddle of water was scattered around your floor, drawers were left open ��� something that you’d never do because it bothered to you to no end – and the once organized interior of them messy. Instantly he knew something was very wrong here.  

“Y/n?” Kakashi called, stepping into the apartment cautiously and beginning to search for you. His panic growing with each room he checked; it was obvious someone had broken in, what if someone had taken you? He wasn’t sure he could handle losing you.  

Just as he pushed away that awful thought he found you, but it did nothing to quell his worry's. You were laying on your back infront of your bed, a small pool of blood surrounding your head, hand printed bruises on your neck and littering your arms.  

His heart dropped and he rushed to you, kneeling down and cradling your head in his hands as he checked your pulse. It was a small relief when he felt a heartbeat thrumming beneath his fingers. Swooping your unconscious figure into his arms he ran to the hospital, faster than he had ever run before, his exhaustion long forgotten and leaving him fueled by nothing but the shear fear of losing you.  

___  

Warm sunlight streamed into the room through the thin curtains, a small breeze ruffling them as it flowed through the slight ajar window and distorting the consistency of the light. The breeze brought in the sound of chirping birds and bustling people with it. It would have been quiet a nice way to wake up, with your lovers' head laying in your lap as he slept soundly in the chair next to your bed and the sounds of life floating in. That was if you didn’t have a pounding headache from the moment you opened your eyes, and the last thing you remembered hadn't been someone’s hands around your neck throwing you against a wall and then onto the floor. 

And at it was at first, when your eyes had just begun to flutter open and your mind was still a clean slate of blissful unawareness. But that could only last for a second before your barley conscious mind began to remember and then you were shooting your eyes open and pushing yourself up with a panicked gasp, looking around frantically as you tried to figure out where the hell you were.  

Your rather violent awakening had Kakashi sitting up sharply, blinking the sleep out of his eyes and grabbing hold of you to try and calm you.  

“Hey, hey,” his voice called to you, trying to get your attention. Your head snapped towards him, body tensing and flinching away from his voice. Hurt flashed through his eyes, but it was gone in seconds, replaced with understanding, even so he felt his heart break a bit in his chest. If only he had been there to protect you, then none of this would be happening.  

He felt guilty for it, felt as if it was his fault because if he had just been there a few hours earlier you wouldn’t have been in a hospital bed at the moment, you wouldn’t have been hurt by those lowly assholes, and you wouldn’t have been out for just over twenty-four hours. No matter how many times he was told it wasn’t on him or how many people told him, he still couldn’t shake the guilt and it weighed him down like an anchor would a ship.  

It took a moment but slowly, you began to relax once you’d recognized the sound of his voice, slipping your eyes shut tightly and leaning into him. You hissed in pain at the pounding in your head and Kakashi reached over to the bed side table picking up the bottle of pain killers and a glass of water,  

“Here,” he whispered, handing them to you as he’d been instructed to do upon your awakening. You took them gratefully, setting the cup back on the side table once you were done, sighing heavily and tucking your face into the crook of Kakashi’s neck.  

“I don’t feel you good,” you mumbled, sounding like a child as you spoke. A small chuckle rumbled through the ninja,  

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” he said, and his response cracked a small, quick smile from you. His arms found their way around your waist, pulling you into him. You hummed contently, sitting in silence until the quiet of your mind was disturbed with a question. 

“What happened to the robbers,” you asked, pulling back to look him in the eye. His gaze darkened at your question, his voice becoming sharp edged and hard,  

“They were taken care off,” he ground out through a clenched jaw. You swallowed heavily at his answer. You felt small under his eyes, and it made you shrink back into yourself, hiding your face in his neck. You weren't sure what his answer meant, but judging by the sheer intensity of his eyes and the simple sentence, you weren't sure you wanted to know. It, once again, reminded you of who exactly the man you were dating was. You may have known him as sweet, gentle, caring and loving but to others that wasn’t the always the case. You hopped you would never have to be the later.  

[anyon-else]

Yes, These New Walls Are Pretty Hard to Crack (The Red Room pt.13) | Despite Ino's reassurances, believing that Kakashi is good is easier said than done. However, he's making it very hard for you to be afraid of him. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Asuma Sarutobi, Orochimaru, Kabuto Yakushi

Warnings | female!reader, angst, hurt/comfort, paranoia, nightmare, violence, degrading language (non-sexual), weapons, dissociation

Word count | 9.9k

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

"The enormity of my desire disgusts me."

Richard Siken, War of the Foxes, 'Birds Hover the Trampled Field'

"Don't run."

Your eyes were wide as you backed a safe distance away from Kakashi. He sat up, paying no mind to his already bruising neck and kicking your knife to the opposite side of the room.

You hadn't meant to drop it. You were so stupid to slip up like that, but your mind was racing. Your heart was pounding, and your body hadn't responded correctly to your fear. You'd relaxed almost on instinct at the familiar touch on your cheek. A turmoil of emotions and what had to be false memories were clashing with the rage festering in your mind, and Kakashi was the cause of it. You needed to get away from him

You needed to get out.

"Wait," Kakashi said when he saw the sudden resolve overtake your clouded gaze. He got back on his feet slowly, though his eyes were wide as he watched your movements carefully. He looked frantic. Scared, even. "Wait here, and I'll go get Ino–"

"Shut up," you spit, considering the exits on either side of you and wondering if it was worth it to try and fight past him to the door at his back.

That's the side closest to the main exit.

Your head was splitting. You pictured the man who had tortured you and tried to reconcile the image of his sadistic grin and cold eyes with the one standing in front of you. They were supposed to be the same person. They were the same person.

You couldn't breath. You needed to get out of this room. You needed to run until you couldn't move.

He must've seen it on your face the moment you decided to turn on your heel and bolt towards the door behind you. The moment you turned away from him, you heard him turn in the opposite direction to intercept you at the exit.

The windows on this floor open from the inside.

Your body was moving before your mind had time to catch up with it. Your feet carried you down halls and past rooms that you didn't recognize despite how easily you seemed to be navigating them. Your mind easily supplied you with directions as you ran through corriders and dimly lit hallways towards an unknown destination.

When you finally stopped in front of a closed door, something like awareness tugged at your mind. It shouted and screamed and made the ache in your skull grow worse until you finally shut it out with a shake of your head.

You pushed the door open and strode through the room, ignoring the unmade bed and full bookshelf and picture frames on your way to the door of the balcony on the far wall. It was cracked open, letting in a cool breeze that pushed the curtains into the room and made the fresh air mix with the distinct, pleasant scent of the room.

The air was choking you. Familiarity pushed past the barriers you'd surrounded your mind with and began shouting at you once again. It begged and pleaded with you to stop for just a moment. It told you to think about why the smell of this room was so naturally comforting, or how you'd so easily navigated the building and found yourself here.

You paused with a hand on the handle of the balcony door, staring at the field below it blankly.

Instead of pushing the door open, you turned and looked around the room again. In spite of your best efforts to remain unaffected, anger surge through you as tears formed in your eyes again. You felt lost—like this room was an endless, infinite space that you'd never escape from. It made you feel helpless.

It made you feel weak.

Next to the bed was a small table that held a few books, a lamp, and two framed pictures. The first was of three kids all huddled together with Kakashi towering over them. The man's eyes were closed and his smile was obvious behind his mask, a hand resting on the heads of two boys on either end of the girl in the middle.

You covered your mouth with a trembling hand, crouching to the floor and hugging your knees close to your chest.

The other picture was of the same pink haired girl who stood in the middle of the first picture. She was laughing, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open in what had probably been a delighted laugh. Next to her was a woman with a fond smile on her face and so much warmth in her gaze that it made your chest ache.

It took you a moment to realize that the woman in that picture was you.

You picked the framed photo up carefully, studying the familiar faces of two strangers.

You imagined the rest of the scene playing out after the photo had been taken. The girl reaching a hand to your shoulder as her laughter died down, then seeing that Kakashi had taken a picture and demanding that he show her. She wanted to make sure that she still looked cute mid-laugh. Watching as she tried to snatch his phone from him, hanging off of his arm and demanding that the photo be deleted as Kakashi grinned and held it above his head.

He showed you the photo later. You thought laughter suited Sakura far more than the tears you were accustomed to seeing in the Red Room

"What is this?" you whispered to yourself, choked and strained. You remembered her name. It disappeared from your mind just as fast as it had appeared, slipping away before you had a chance to hold onto it, but it had been there. You knew this girl. You knew this room and this building. You'd been here before.

You'd smiled here. You'd been happy.

It was a trick. This was all just another way for Kakashi to manipulate you—soon enough things would go back to the way they were. Kakashi would reveal his true nature to you, and you'd be right back where you started.

You rocked forward and let your knees hit the hard floor beneath you. The picture hung loosely in your hand, and you leaned wide eyed and reeling against the bed as memories passed through your mind faster than you could catch sight of them. They swirled in a raging tempest that you couldn't possibly breach. They were in dangerous territory that you didn't feel equipped to search through.

The blankets on the bed had the same, distinct scent as the room. They smelled like a forest.

It reminded you of safety. You wanted to bury yourself in it.

It was making you dizzy.

You flinched when you heard the quiet creak of a floorboard on the other side of the room, pushing away from the bed and backing into a wall.

Kakashi froze when your eyes landed on him. You watched him glance around the room and spot the missing picture on his bedside table, then scan your surroundings until he saw it clutched in your shaking hand.

Tears were slipping down your cheeks despite your best efforts to keep them at bay, but you found yourself unable to move your arms to wipe them away. Your body wouldn't respond to you, just like your mind was moving at an uncontrollable pace. You were completely helpless.

It should've been terrifying, but when you searched for the familiar fear that always appeared with when you were in Kakashi's presence, you found that you couldn't feel a thing.

Kakashi took a small step into the room, then another when you only watched him. You kept the picture clutched tightly in your hand like it was a weapon, but you didn't move until he was kneeling in front of you.

"Who are you?" you whispered when he was at your level.

He paused, then he lifted his hand slowly, letting you follow the movement until his fingers stopped at the edge of his mask. He hooked one over the cloth and slid it from his face until you could see his features clearly. The moonlight was shining into the room from the windows, illuminating his lips and his cheeks and his nose—all parts of him that you had never seen before.

"Are you real?"

This was not Kakashi Hatake. Perhaps you were dreaming. Hallucinating, even.

You felt him pulling the frame gently from your tight grip and relented with little fight despite a desperate part of you begging your body to move. It screamed danger as Kakashi's fingers brushed yours when he took the picture, but you just watched him numbly.

He reached towards your empty hand slowly. You watched him very carefully, scrutinizing every movement and waiting for some kind of attack. When he finally brushed his fingers against your palm, you noted that his skin was much softer than before. The hands that you remembered had been rough and unforgiving, always causing pain and inducing fear.

But you felt more relaxed now than you had in a long time. You looked at the features on his face that had been missing when he tortured you and saw a completely different person.

He guided your hand to his chest, then pressed it to his heart and held it there so you could feel the steady beat.

"I'm real," he whispered, threading his fingers through yours and keeping your locked hands pressed to his heart.

He felt real. He looked more real than he ever had.

Kakashi's eyes held yours until they flickered down to your chest. When they widened in alarm, you followed his gaze and studied the red patch steadily growing as it dampened your shirt. You hadn't felt any pain before, but now as you searched for it, you felt the low, dull throb where your stitches had likely ripped.

Your vision was beginning to darken. Staying awake felt safer with Kakashi so close, but the throbbing was spreading to your limbs and your vision was fading at an alarming rate. You'd let your guard down, and now you were paying the price for it.

Kakashi cursed as you slumped forward, but he caught you against his chest and shifted so that you were leaning back against him. Your chest was wet, and you understood how vulnerable this made you, but as you searched for the familiar fear that always seemed to appear when Kakashi was touching you, you found nothing but emptiness.

"I don't understand," you muttered, staring at his shirt when you couldn't bear to look at his face any longer. He was looking down at you as you spoke, but you knew that meeting his eyes would only make the pain in your chest worse, "I don't know what's happening to me."

"I know," he whispered, supporting your head when it began to fall to the side. He adjusted so that you could lean it back on his shoulder, bending his knees so that you were caged in and supported on all sides. You let yourself sink into him like like it was a natural response to his shift in position.

His arms were around you, holding you steady as your body went limp. You'd exhausted yourself completely, and now you were paying the price for being so careless with your injuries. You'd just wanted to get out—to go back to where they'd found you and stay in that room until you slowly faded from existence.

Instead, you were in the arms of the person you feared most in the world, and as darkness dominated your vision, you found that some part of you didn't want him to let you go.

"Asuma," Kakashi blinked, stopping in his yard and watching his friend stroke Bull's back and take a long drag of his cigarette, "I didn't think you'd still be here."

"Well," the man shrugged, tapping his cigarette into an empty cup, "you've got a nice place here, Kakashi."

"It's not a hotel, you know."

"Your mutts are lonely," Asuma said with a grin, petting Bull on the head and watching amusedly as the rest of the dogs ran through the open front door and began competing for Kakashi's divided attention, "and I'm still recovering."

Asuma clapped his casted leg heavily, giving a chuckle when Bull nudged the injury with his nose.

"You're a lucky bastard," Kakashi muttered as he studied the newly-replaced cast. The side that was in his view had a giant signature taking up most of the space that vaguely resembled Guy's name, "if anyone else had taken a hit like that, they'd be six-feet under."

"And you're oh-so kind to help a poor cripple like me by giving me unpaid labor."

"You offered," Kakashi grumbled, sliding past Asuma to get into the house, "and you told me that letting you stay here was payment enough."

"Yeah, but when people say that, they don't actually mean it."

There was a silence as Kakashi looked the living room. The rest of the pack were settling back into their respective beds since the excitement of Kakashi's return had died down. He let out a sigh and strode further into the house.

"So...I know you don't like when people pry into your business," Asuma began from the porch. Kakashi heard him grunt pushed himself up on his good leg and turned to hand him his crutches, "and I know the question about why you got a new place is off-limits–"

"Correct."

"But why the extra room? You really need five beds for just you and the kiddos?"

Kakashi paused, glancing down the hall at the open door at the end. The bed inside was made and untouched, and it lacked any substantial decor aside from a spare painting that Kakashi hadn't really known what to do with. He looked away.

"I didn't pick the place," Kakashi shrugged, "I told Guy to find me something. He must've wanted a bedroom for himself."

"Hm. Sounds like something Guy would do," Asuma chuckled, "but I know when you're lying. I also know Guy's taste in real estate, and this ain't it. But I'll let you off the hook this time."

Kakashi ignored Asuma and rummaged through his kitchen cabinets for one of the instant-ramen cups that Naruto liked. The boy had come back to the compound that morning distraught because the grocery store was sold out, and Kakashi would rather not have another sulking child to look after tomorrow morning when there was no instant-ramen to have for lunch.

"That really all you came for?" Asuma questioned behind him.

"And the dogs. They're coming back to the compound with me."

Pakkun perked up at this, trotting over to Kakashi and pawing at his leg as if he'd understood the statement. Kakashi bent down and stroked a hand over his head.

Asuma was scrutinizing him, looking close to breaking and asking more question about the house. Kakashi ignored him and went back to rummaging through the cabinets for any more instant ramen cups he had buried behind cereal and loose spices.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Kakashi sighed, heavy and deep so that Asuma would hear. He knew he looked like shit—he'd been up all night while Ino stitched you up, then couldn't bring himself to leave your room no matter how many times he told himself that he needed to go before you woke up. He found that convincing himself to leave you was much harder after he'd spent so long wondering if you were even still alive.

So he wasn't at his best this morning. But he also hadn't expected to still have company.

"I'm fine," he said, though he could still feel Asuma's scrutinizing gaze, "just tired."

Asuma was silent for a long moment, and Kakashi did his best to look focused on the task at hand to keep himself from turning and seeing Asuma's concerned glances.

"If you say so."

"Usually the pawn moves first. You can use the knight if you want to, but I'd stick with pawns until you get the hang of it–"

"I'll move the knight first!"

Shikamaru sighed, nodding at Naruto to go ahead and watching his friend move the knight forward triumphantly.

"Ok, what next?"

"I can't walk you through it step by step. Each game is different, so you have to learn what the pieces do and then decide the strategies yourself–"

"Pakkun!"

Sakura snickered at Shikamaru's unimpressed expression as Pakkun came bursting through the door, knocking the pieces off of the Shogi board and leaping into Naruto's arms.

Naruto let out a laugh, pushing Pakkun away as the pug licked his face and sat on Naruto's chest, tail wagging despite the perpetual frown on his face.

"Shikamaru?"

Naruto looked up at Kakashi standing in the doorway, but he was quickly distracted by the rest of the pack following Pakkun's lead and piling on top of the boy—who accepted them joyfully. Sakura sighed as laughter filled the room, then pulled Bull away as he began wandering towards where you were laying in your hospital bed.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Kakashi asked quietly, looking around at the scattered Shogi pieces, then looking at where you were still unconscious from your injury the night before. You hadn't moved since he left that morning, but part of him kept expecting you to just shoot up from bed and run at the first opportunity.

"Well, you said that you and Y/N had a...conversation," Sakura said sheepishly, avoiding Kakashi's eyes in favor of looking at Urushi as she scratched behind his ear, "and we wanted to be here when she woke up. We thought maybe she'd remember things faster that way."

"I didn't say 'conversation,' I said fight. She attacked me, then she ripped her stitches and passed out on me."

"But something happened in between! You told me!"

"Which I regret now," Kakashi grumbled. He let out a long, frustrated sigh, then sat in an empty chair at your bedside.

"Hey Kakashi."

"Hello Shikamaru," Kakashi deadpanned, then looked at his suspiciously quiet student on the opposite side of the bed, "Sasuke, I thought we talked about the whole 'discretion' issue."

"Yeah, but..." Sasuke looked at Kakashi, then winced and shrugged, "it's Shikamaru. Plus, we didn't tell him anything important. In fact, we brought him here to help."

Kakashi sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose and thinking through this new development. He knew they had good intentions. They wanted you to heal as much as he did, but including more people in the mess that things had become was reckless.

He couldn't risk losing you. Not again. And if SHIELD found out about you now, when things were still so delicate, he knew what would happen.

Looking at the situation objectively, it wasn't safe to have you in the compound. You'd clearly gotten out of your restraints the first time you'd woken up, and he still had no idea how you'd done it. Telling SHIELD was probably the best way to go about this as a way of ensuring the safety of everyone involved.

But his students would never forgive him if he did that. And he knew that he wouldn't see you again if SHIELD got their hands on you.

He was being selfish, but he couldn't let that happen.

"Shikamaru," he said carefully, looking down at the boy sitting next to the Shogi board, "I know this isn't the most...conventional situation, but please don't say anything about her."

"Don't worry," Shikamaru said, "I have no interest in who she is or where she came from. I'm just here to play Shogi."

"To play...what?"

"We were doing some research," Sakura interjected before Naruto or Sasuke could, "and it turns out that strategy games can help improve memory. We thought that it might help."

"I don't think there have been any studies about this particular issue."

"Yeah, but we might as well try, right?" Sakura asked hopefully. "I mean, we can't just sit back and watch her suffer."

Kakashi opened his mouth with no real response formulated, but the door clicked open before he could speak. Kakashi sighed when Ino froze in the doorway and took in the scene before her.

"Guys, there are way too many people in here. If she wakes up, she's going to be too overwhelmed, and—who is that?"

Ino narrowed her eyes at Shikamaru. Her gaze shifted to Sakura, then to you, and then back to Shikamara still sorting through his Shogi pieces.

"I'm Shikamaru," he said dully, "I'm just here to play Shogi."

"Well, can you do it outside of the hospital room? There are seven people and—jesus—eight dogs in this room."

"Aw," Naruto groaned, hugging Bull as he strode to the boy's side and gaze him a slobbery kiss on the cheek. Ino cringed, "but we want to make sure Y/N's okay when she wakes up!"

"You do realize that she was holding a gun to your head not even a week ago."

"Ino," Sakura hissed, eyes wide with worry as she glanced down at Naruto, but the boy just shook his head and smiled.

"It's okay," he said softly, "I forgive her. Actually, no, there's nothing to forgive in the first place."

Ino stopped, staring at Naruto like he was speaking another language. It took a moment, and it looked like it had been years to Ino, but she finally shook her head and turned towards you.

"Okay, fine, just...go wait outside. This won't take long."

Ino glanced at Kakashi with a look that told him to stay where he was. They waited as the other four filed out, ushering the dogs along with them, then shut the door. Silence filled the room, and Kakashi took a deep breath in an attempt to regain some form of composure.

"The Shikamaru guy won't be a problem, right?"

"No, he'll be fine."

"I hope you're right," Ino said gravely, "because if he is—"

"He'll be fine," Kakashi repeated, glaring at Ino until she shrugged and looked away from him.

Sometimes he forgot that Ino was a Widow. It was moments like this that gave him a harsh reminder.

"Everything seems fine," Ino muttered as she lifted your hospital gown and poked at your wound, restitched but still irritated and swollen from the previous night. "It'll take longer for it to heal, obviously, so we have to figure out some way to keep her from exerting herself again."

Kakashi sighed, head dropping into his hands as he thought through their options. It seemed wrong to put you into a medically-induced coma without at least asking you first, but in your current state, you would never let that happen, even if it was Ino who was overseeing your medical care.

But the alternative was to let you wake up again, and there was no telling what kind of damage you'd cause to your body if that happened.

"So," Ino sighed, sitting in the chair on the other side of your bed and resting her elbows on her knees. Her eyes were narrowed—scrutinizing. Kakashi prepared for the incoming interrogation, "are you going to tell me what happened after you fought her last night?"

He'd been dodging Ino's questions all morning. He had no idea how to explain what last night had been like, and Ino was not the person he wanted to share it with.

But he supposed that she wasn't going to let him leave unless he gave some answers, and he really didn't have the energy to argue with her.

"She went to my room and found the photos I keep displayed. I guess they must've brought something back."

"What were the photos of?"

Kakashi grimaced, cheeks reddening as he tried to come up with a believable lie. It was one thing to have the picture. He never really invited people to his room anyways, so he hadn't thought it mattered.

Well, he usually never invited people to his room.

"One was of me and the kids," he said, leaning back in his chair and looking at the wall above Ino. He tried to steady his voice as much as possible and feigned a casualness that he knew sounded fake, "the other was of Y/N and Sakura."

Silence filled the room, and Kakashi let himself bask in it for a few moments before he glanced back down at Ino. Her eyebrows were raised to her hairline, mouth pursed in a tight line and hands clenched tightly together like she was trying not to jump out of her seat and hit something.

"Okay," she said cooly, "and then what happened?"

"She asked me if I was real, and I showed her...I showed her my face. And then she passed out."

"And you brought her here."

"Yes," Kakashi grumbled, "I brought her here. Then I woke you up."

Ino watched him for another moment. Then she glanced at you, and something in her face shifted.

"During the last month that we were with Orochimaru, I kept asking myself, 'why is it Kakashi Hatake, of all people, who's getting to her? Why is the idea of his betrayal so painful?'"

Kakashi could feel his heart pounding in his chest, just like it did every time he heard that name. He tried not to let it show in his face, but he knew that Ino saw. Saw the twitch of his eye and the clenching of his fists and the tension in his shoulders.

"I don't know what love feels like," Ino continued. "Honestly, I don't really know what a lot of things feel like, but the way that she tried to hold onto your memory..."

"Please stop," he muttered, looking out the window to try and find something to focus on other than the pounding of his heart. Each beat felt like a stab in the chest. He thought it would shatter if he even tried to look at you.

"Why?" Ino asked, and he wondered if there was a point to this or if she just felt like being cruel, "do you not feel the same? Or are you just afraid to face it?"

"I don't want to talk about this with you," Kakashi snapped, finally glancing down from the window and glaring at Ino, "and that's very far from my main concern right now."

Ino sighed. Kakashi took a deep breath to keep himself from saying something out of frustration. When he felt calm enough to look at you again, he felt his racing heart begin to slow.

"We also need to talk about Orochimaru."

Kakashi felt the moment his anger was set ablaze once again. It was a storm inside of him, twisting his insides until all he could feel was that terrible anger that had been building against that monster for six years.

"I don't know what he's planning, but I've known him my whole life. He's not just going to give up," Ino said, observing Kakashi carefully. He tried to calm himself down again, but this time looking at you just made him angrier.

That man had done this to you. He was the one to blame for everything.

"I don't care what he tries. He's not getting anywhere near us again," Kakashi muttered darkly, eyes still on you despite how angry he was on your behalf. He would grab his anger by the throat, and he'd channel it into keeping you and his students safe.

He had already failed to do it once. That wouldn't happen a second time.

"That's a nice thought," Ino hummed. Kakashi glared at her, but she wasn't facing him anymore. Instead she was staring through the window, eyes clouded and very, very far away, "but it's wishful thinking. If he wants to get to you, he'll find a way. He always does."

"Before, he had the Widows."

"It doesn't matter," Ino said, the ghost of a smile still on her lips. Kakashi narrowed his eyes, watching her carefully. She seemed so...resigned. Like she had already accepted whatever fate Orochimaru had in store for her, "he always finds a way."

"How do we find him?"

"We don't," Ino shrugged, "but HYDRA might. In that case, we won't have anything to worry about."

"You don't think HYDRA will come after you too?"

"After me?" Ino laughed, "no, I don't think so. I'm a small fish. They have much bigger issues than a few rogue Widows. Especially ones that are still trainees."

"Trainees?" Kakashi asked, brows furrowed. He finally looked back up at Ino, and he could see her trying to hold back laughter, "what do you mean?"

"I mean me," she said with a cackle, "and Sakura, obviously, but that's because she came in late."

"But you're...is Y/N–"

"Oh, no. She graduated a long time ago," Ino waved the thought away, "but Widows are trainees for a long time. We only rank up once we turn eighteen."

Kakashi blinked at her, and she laughed again.

"I'm younger than Sakura, you know."

"You're...what?"

"Yep," she sighed, "really annoyed me when I found out. I still don't get how she's older than me. It's only by a few months, but man did she seem young when we first met."

Kakashi begged to differ. Sakura had always tried to act older than she was, if only to one-up Naruto and Sasuke. She appointed herself the level-headed one of the group, parading around as the self-appointed leader who could take on any task. She continued to be the brains of their little trio as they got older, and that would likely never change.

But Ino was so young. All four of them were.

"Don't do that."

"Huh?"

"Make that face," Ino grimaced, "like you feel bad for me or something. I know it seems like it to an old man, but we're really not all that young."

Kakashi glanced at her dully, and she laughed again.

"If you keep worrying so much, you actually are going to turn into an old man."

There wasn't really much to do but worry. It had been hard enough knowing that you were with Orochimaru and that he couldn't do anything about it. It was an entirely different type of worry now that you were back, but still trapped in Orochimaru's lies.

"Listen," Ino sighed, "even before you found us, we were making progress. She wasn't as scared, and she was remembering bits and pieces of her past. You just have to give her time to heal."

Kakashi glanced at you, counting each breath as it rose with your chest and finding a relieving calmness in the task.

Your monitor had been a steady, reassuring beat in the background of the room since Kakashi had entered, but both he and Ino perked up when it began to quicken. Kakashi stood, waiting with bated breath for any type of movement. The speed of the monitor wasn't concerning, but it was becoming clear that you were beginning to wake up.

Would you remember him? Would you still hate him?

Would you be afraid of him?

Your wrists were secured to the sides of the hospital bed with leather straps—a precaution that seemed necessary considering what had happened the night before—but it still seemed wrong. He didn't like seeing you strapped down. He didn't like that he was the one who had restrained you.

"Calm down."

Kakashi looked up and saw Ino staring at him, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized his face.

"I am calm."

"You're freaking out," Ino said matter-of-factly as she looked back down at you and checked your IV and heart monitor. Really, it looked like she was doing unnecessary tasks to distract herself from your slow rise from unconsciousness, "you look ready to bolt."

"I don't want to be here if she's afraid of me."

"She's not afraid of you," Ino murmured, "you're not the one who tortured her."

"It doesn't matter," Kakashi shot back, "I was the one she saw."

"It does matter." Ino snapped, "She can already tell that there's a difference, right? That's what you told me. Like I said, you just have to give her time."

Kakashi knew she was right. As painful as this felt, it wouldn't be for

"Help her believe that you're not Orochimaru," Ino said, watching with Kakashi as your hand twitched and your eyes squeezed shut, "Show her that you're different."

"Y/N?"

You were floating. There was nothing beneath you but empty space and nothing above you but darkness. Your arms were spread at your sides, fingers splayed to feel what was holding you up, but all you could do was ball your hands into empty fists in a fruitless attempt to hold onto the nothingness keeping you afloat.

You closed your eyes.

"Please wake up."

Someone was crying. You felt their tears falling onto your face, and your eyes flickered open when a drop of salty water landed on your eyelid. The harsh light above you felt like a stone weighing down your skull. Your head was pounding, but there was solid ground beneath you now. That, at least, brought you some relief.

"Thank God," someone said to your left, and before you could look at them properly, arms were around your waist, squeezing it like you would slip from their grasp the moment they let you go. You stiffened, body tensing the longer they held onto you. When you glanced down, you saw a mess of pink hair on the head of whoever was holding you.

"Let go of her," a new voice snarled, low and dangerous. You reached out instinctively, covering the girl as best as you could and looking up at the man who had spoken.

He didn't look very strong. You gave him a once over and decided with a fairly high level of certainty that you could take him if it came down to a fight. His long, black hair cascaded down his back, and when he turned to face you, you couldn't help but be reminded of a snake. His irises were practically slits, and they narrowed on you when he met your eyes.

You were sure that you could overpower this man, but you still looked at the ground the moment he turned towards you, fear filling your lungs like it was the very air you were breathing.

"I don't understand," the girl said, still holding your waist. Her voice was shaky, and you instinctively gripped her tighter, "we didn't do anything wrong. We did what you said–"

You hadn't registered that there was someone standing behind you until he grabbed the girl by the arm and dragged her towards the opposite side of the room. You opened your mouth, but a sharp glare from the silver-haired man who had just appeared silenced you immediately. Fear rocketed through you, but you didn't understand why you were so afraid. All you knew was that you felt a deep desperation to make sure this girl didn't get hurt.

The silver-haired man pulled the sobbing girl forward until she was at the other's feet, kneeling before him. He threw her down with a sneer, then turned back towards you. He looked disgusted.

"Y/N," the taller man said sharply. You lifted your chin, but your eyes stayed fixed on the wall behind him, "I know you lied to me about this mission."

Your body went taut, tension nearly bursting from you as you searched for some answer to the unspoken question he was asking, but nothing was clear. None of your memories were surfacing no matter how desperately you searched for them.

Yet, despite the information that you were missing, your mouth opened and you began speaking before you even knew what you were going to say.

"Sir," you heard yourself say, the slightest tremor in your voice, "I apologize. There was some information that I didn't believe was relevant."

Silence spread over the room like a thick blanket of fog. You couldn't remember where this was. You had no idea who these people were, but you were speaking like all of this was a memory.

"Sakura," the man said, and you jolted. You knew that name. You knew this girl—it was right there in front of you, if you could only open your eyes and see it.

"Y/N had a different mission than you. She was supposed to tell me whether or not you are a valuable asset to the Red Room."

Sakura's eyes widened, but she didn't take the risk of looking at you. You could see how hard she was shaking at the feet of the black-haired man, and your fingers tightened into fists. You were fighting a battle against your instinct to protect her, but it was losing to the fear that kept crashing into you in waves. There was nothing you could do. Not against them.

You knew, deep down, that anything even resembling rebellion or defiance would end in pain. Pain for both you and Sakura.

"And she left some key information out of her report. One detail being your failure to kill your target. She had to do it for you, correct?"

You scowled at the ground, wracking your brain to try and figure out how he'd known that the mission had gone so wrong so quickly.

The memories were coming back. You could picture the second you pulled the trigger when Sakura hesitated. It was a crucial moment in the mission, and she would've missed it had you not taken the shot for her. At the time, she'd been grateful.

The events were all coming back. But why...why did you risk that for her?

But despite your confusion, overpowering it was fear. Fear for the girl kneeling on the other side of the room.

You knew what was going to happen next.

And that man...you knew his name. And you knew you had good reason to be afraid of him.

"Why did you lie?"

You tensed, wide eyes fixed on the ground as you tried to come up with some excuse that wouldn't end with Sakura getting hurt.

"Sir," you began, the word escaping you in a hushed breath, "I made the decision to kill him. Sakura wold have had the opportunity to do so had I not stepped in. The fault lies with me."

"Y/N–"

Your head shot up at the sound of skin hitting skin, but you only saw the aftermath of Sakura's body hitting the ground with a thud. Your throat dried as you glared at Kabuto's raised hand, and the anger that had been growing in your chest flared.

You were forced to look away when the black-haired man approached you, footsteps echoing off of the sleek, black tile in the silence of the room. His movement made even the other man pause.

You saw his shoes stop in front of you, but you didn't dare lift your head now that he was so close. It was only when he leaned down and gripped the back of your neck in a tight fist that you were forced to look up and finally meet his eyes.

"What do you think you deserve for lying to me?" he asked calmly, though his tightened grip was a stark contrast to his tone. Any tighter, and you wouldn't have been able to speak. You winced when he gave pulled you up from where you were sitting—a warning not to take any longer to answer.

"I will accept any punishment you deem acceptable to give me, sir," you told him, the words automatic and practiced. You allowed yourself a moment to glance behind him and meet Sakura's eyes. She shook her head, eyes wide and frantic, and you gave her the smallest smile you could manage, unsure if she would even see it. "And I will take any further punishment in Sakura's stead."

"I can't allow that."

"May I speak freely?"

There was a pause. That was a risky question to ask. Especially when you were on thin ice already.

"Speak."

"Sakura responds well to my instruction. You've seen the improvement yourself since we've been partnered together. Let me take on her punishment, and I will continue to train her until she is ready to graduate. I promise that I will make your expectations of us very clear to her."

He considered your words, staring at you as he did so. He was scrutinizing every little movement of your body—every shift in your expression, and you practically felt his gaze reaching the depths and recesses of your soul. He knew everything about you. He knew how terrified you were of him.

He also knew that you would do anything to protect Sakura.

"Fine," he relented. You sagged in relief.

Sakura looked devastated. She looked furious.

"Sakura," you whispered, voice hoarse and strained. The girl looked up at you, teeth clenched and eyes full of fire.

"Sakura," you repeated when the man turned towards her, "it's alright. Just let it go."

"How could I—ah!"

"Neither of you were given permission to speak," the silver-haired man hissed, hand raised to strike Sakura once again. You nearly lunged for him, but the other man's fingers tightened on the back of your neck again and you stilled.

"Don't," he said, watching Sakura on the ground blankly, "you're in no position to protect her."

Then he turned towards you again, and you felt the fear that he been a dull ache in your chest up rise into your throat. You pulled back, attempting to get his hand off of your neck, but it only tightened further.

Instead of the black-haired man, it was Kakashi staring you down, silver hair reflecting in the light. Those snake-like eyes were the only things that remained.

"No," you murmured. Kakashi grinned. "This isn't what happened. You weren't here."

"No?" Kakashi mocked. "How would you know? You don't even know who that girl is."

"I do," you croaked, "I do know her."

"You knew her. But you don't know anything anymore, do you?"

You grit your teeth and tried once again to find any relevant memories. The ones that would answer the endless questions that you had about this place. About Sakura and the black-haired man.

About Kakashi.

"You tried to protect her, and you failed," Kakashi said, voice mocking and humored, "and now look at you. You can't even protect yourself. You're useless."

"You're not supposed to be here," you whispered, refusing to look into his eyes, "I know you're not."

"Think, Y/N!"

You looked up at Sakura's voice. Kabuto was gone, and behind her was nothing but that emptiness you'd woken up to.

"You can find your way back! I know you can!"

She looked twice as desperate as she'd been in your memory, but it looked like she was trapped behind a glass wall. She pressed her hands against it, and her shouts began to fade into silence.

When you looked above you again, Kakashi had vanished. You were floating where he had held you, and once Sakura's voice had faded completely, you shifted your gaze back to where she had been standing.

You were alone.

You closed your eyes, curling in on yourself and hugging your knees to your chest in a desperate attempt to keep the emptiness from swallowing you whole. Maybe if you made yourself smaller, it would forget that you were there. Maybe it would leave you alone.

"Let me out," you choked, feeling the silence of the space pressing you in on all sides, making you smaller and smaller until you were just a speck of dust in its infinite vastness.

"No," you choked, "no, I don't want to be here."

No one responded. The silence was suffocating.

"Let me out!" you screamed, voice drifting off into the emptiness that surrounded you. The sound died the moment it left your lips. No one heard you. You wondered if you'd even spoken at all.

"Wake me up," you whispered, voice cracked and so close to shattering. "Please...please let me leave."

The empty space gave an answering shudder that shook you to the bones. Then, in a merciful acceptance of your pleas, it shattered, leaving you with nothing to do but open your eyes.

Regaining consciousness felt similar to clawing at empty air. Like you were trying to grasp at anything to keep you grounded. It quickly became exhausting.

It was unpleasant, and your head was pounding, but relief still overpowered everything else that you were feeling.

Ino was hovering over you, scanning your expression and giving you a forced smile when she met your eyes. You blinked, watching blankly as she felt your forehead, then your pulse, then the probes on your chest attached to your heart monitor.

"How are you feeling?" she asked after a moment, finally sitting in a chair at your side.

"Tired," you muttered. Ino chuckled.

"That's because you're still doped up on pain killers," she shook her head, "I can't believe you. I thought I told you that we were safe here."

You grumbled something that was intended to be an apology, but probably sounded more like inaudible frustration.

When she got no other response, Ino glanced at something above you, and you saw the nervousness that passed over her face before you turned to find out what was causing it.

You cycled through several emotions at once when you met Kakashi's eyes. The image of that familiar man's face was the first thing to appear, and you swallowed against the bile rising in your throat. You'd just barely held onto the image of his face from your dream, but it felt important. Far too important to forget before you understood what was going on.

Kakashi seemed to sense the internal battle that you were fighting and looked at Ino, freeing you from his scrutinizing gaze.

"Y/N," Ino said, voice frustratingly calm. It was like she was talking to a wild animal, afraid that it would bolt at the first sign of a threat.

Though you supposed that you'd done nothing but prove yourself a danger to the people around you. And the straps over your wrists and ankles were a harsh reminder of how recklessly you'd acted the night before.

"Is it alright if I step out for a minute?"

You looked up at Ino indignantly, eyes wide and a very strong "no" involuntarily forming on your lips. For the past seven months, being alone with Kakashi meant pain. It meant that you were doing something wrong.

"Ino, maybe that's not the best–"

"I'm not asking you," Ino interrupted Kakashi firmly, gaze holding yours even as she spoke to the man on your other side. "Y/N?"

Why would she even ask? She knew what he had done to you. She knew how much you feared him.

You risked another glance at Kakashi, and he quickly averted his eyes when you caught him looking at you.

"Actually, I should probably go check on the others–"

"It's fine," you stopped him as he began to stand from his seat. You turned back to Ino and gave her a wobbly smile. She didn't look impressed by your attempt to look calm, "you can go."

Ino gave a nod, then looked up at Kakashi and narrowed her eyes. You couldn't tell what message she was trying to convey, but Kakashi seemed to understand. Then, after glancing at the straps holding you down by your wrists and ankles, she opened the door and left.

Silence swallowed the room, and you kept your head turned towards the door. Then, when your heartbeat had slowed enough that you felt you could move, you turned your head and gazed at the ceiling.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

This wasn't the Kakashi you knew. It wasn't the man who tortured you. There were missing pieces, and you were likely in no danger with someone that Ino trusted to be alone with you.

But you still couldn't help the fear that flooded you at the sight of him. Everything else was obscured by his mask, but his eyes...they often haunted you in your nightmares.

And even though they looked different, they were the same eyes you remembered. They were kinder, but looking at them still reminded you of that machine.

You could feel yourself beginning to float again. You didn't want to shut down now—not after you'd just woken up and especially not while you were alone with Kakashi, but that seemed to be where you were heading.

Useless, you heard a voice say in your head. I'm disappointed. I thought you were stronger than this.

It didn't sound like Kakashi. If your very unreliable memory was serving you well, it almost sounded like the black-haired man from your dream.

You risked a glance at Kakashi. He was remaining silent as well, elbows resting on the arms of his chair and hands clasped together. As far as you could tell from his eyes, his expression was tense, but not impatient. Nothing like the expression you remembered from the past seven months.

"Can you," you began shakily, swallowing against your dry throat when the words came out hoarse. You felt pathetic, and you were certain you didn't look any better than you sounded, "can you take off your mask?"

Kakashi looked fairly unsurprised by the request, and he was quick to relent. Just like the night before, he hooked a finger over the black cloth and pulled it down so that it pooled around his neck. And, just like the night before, it triggered something inside you that you'd buried very deep. Something that was too far away for you to identify.

But it was a far cry from the fear that you were accustomed to associating with him.

Now, without the blinding effects of adrenaline and fear, you took the chance to observe him properly. For the longest time, you'd pictured there being something monstrous beneath his mask. Like he was just pretending to be human as a trick, and what lied beneath the black fabric was too horrifying to imagine.

But he was...perfectly normal.

You almost wished he was a monster. That would make all of this less confusing. And it might make you feel less guilty for being afraid of him.

"I had a dream last night," you told Kakashi. "about a man with long, black hair and eyes that reminded me of a snake's. I was...terrified of him."

Kakashi's breath stilled, and you turned your head towards him. He was evidently very good at hiding his emotions, because his expression gave nothing away.

"Do you know who he is?"

Kakashi opened his mouth, then closed it, breaking away from your intense gaze.

"Yes," he finally said, "his name is Orochimaru."

Orochimaru.

The name was like a slap to the face. Hearing it now, you wondered how you'd ever forgotten it. There was so much fear associated with him that feeling it now was like knowing true terror for the first time.

You thought you'd been afraid of Kakashi, but as the image of Orochimaru and his serpentine gaze formed in your mind, you realized that the fear you'd felt then was just a small island compared to the world of hate and pain that was opening up before you.

"Breathe," Kakashi said next to you, hands kept very deliberately at his sides, "he can't get to you here."

Your heart was pounding, and you had no idea why. You didn't know where this fear came from. You just knew that it existed it.

It was consuming you.

All of the images of Kakashi torturing you with that machine became hazy—as if they had sunk to the bottom of a the ocean, only the ghost of them visible through the water. They shifted so quickly and so violently that you thought it would make you sick.

And then, when the waves calmed and you could see the images clearly, Orochimaru had taken Kakashi's place at the center of each memory.

Maybe it had never been Kakashi. Maybe the person you'd been afraid of for as long as you could remember wasn't real. He was just a twisted version of the man sitting here now, seemingly taking care of you despite how violently you'd attacked him.

What if he's lying? a small, almost silent voice whispered in your ear. How would you possibly be able to tell the difference?

You swallowed, fighting the wave of nausea that made bile rise in your throat. How were you supposed to know what the truth was? How could he prove it? How could you trust him if he did?

Nothing felt real. Every bit of kindness seemed like a trick.

You couldn't even trust yourself anymore.

"Why did I end up like this?" you whispered, trying desperately to keep tears at bay. Letting Kakashi see you cry not once, but two times in the span of twelve hours was humiliating. You felt far too vulnerable as a layer of salty tears blocked your vision despite your best efforts to contain it.

"It's not your fault," Kakashi whispered, though he sounded just as lost as you felt.

It's not yours either.

You couldn't say that to him. You weren't sure you even believed it, but it came to mind as an automatic response to the sadness in his voice and the guilt plaguing his expression. Something in your chest tightened at the look on his face. You turned back to the ceiling.

"You probably know more about me than I do."

In the silence that followed your words, you could hear the faint sound of whispering coming from the other side of the door. After a few moments, a bark made all of the whispering voices pause, then they all began shushing the perpetrator of the noise simultaneously. You glanced towards the door cautiously, counting the different voices and determining that four people sat outside of your room.

That many people could quickly overtake you with your injury hindering you—not to mention the restraints holding you down. Your door wasn't locked, so they could easily come in and ambush you. And you certainly didn't trust Kakashi to come to your aid in the event of an attack—one civil exchange wasn't enough to erase your fear. Not by a long shot.

You tested the restraints again, feeling more desperate to free yourself of them by the second. You were caged in on both sides by people whose intentions were a mystery to you. Kakashi—this version of him at least—hadn't proven himself a threat yet, but the voices outside were unfamiliar. Ino's wasn't among them, meaning she had either left, been attacked, or...

Perhaps she had never been here to begin with. What a sick twist of fate that you were alone in enemy territory after all, and you'd just conjured a hallucination of her as a means of coping.

And there was a dog—not a small one, if that bark was anything to go by.

It didn't matter that, at an instinctual level, you trusted Kakashi. It didn't matter that he seemed to be telling the truth when he said that he was on your side. Trusting him now was a bad idea. You didn't have nearly enough information to believe that all he had were good intentions.

"I'm taking your restraints off."

You looked over at Kakashi, now standing and focused on the leather straps around your wrists. He glanced at you with a raised brow, a silent question in his eyes. You narrowed your own at his seemingly well-intentioned gesture. It was a bit too well intentioned—what reason did he have to believe you wouldn't wring his neck the first chance you got?

He was either very kind, very stupid, or an unhealthy mix of the two.

"Why?" you asked, making Kakashi pause. He shrugged as he reached forward, waiting for your nod of assent before he loosened the strap on your left wrist enough that you could pull your hand through.

"They were mostly a precaution for when you first woke up. We didn't want you to panic and hurt yourself, or..."

He grimaced, neatly avoiding your eyes as he moved to the other side of the bed and undid the right strap. You circled your newly-freed wrists in relief and made a very weak attempt at sitting up. You didn't get very far when pain flared in your chest, and you fell back with a frustrated huff.

"Don't do that," Kakashi shook his head as he took the straps off of your ankles, "you have to give your body a break if you want to heal."

"I got around just fine last night," you muttered. Kakashi huffed

"Well, you're still just as reckless as before."

You furrowed your brow. Before.

The gaping holes in your memory were torturous. Knowing that there was so much missing kept you up at night as you tried desperately to find your way through the haze blocking you from your memories. But everything felt so far away, and you were tired of having to look for things that should have belonged to you.

Your mind should've been your own to control.

"Is there a girl named Sakura here?"

Kakashi's eyes widened, and hope bled into his expression. His lips parted just slightly, then lifted in a happy—albeit small—smile.

"There is," he said with a laugh, "she misses you."

"She was in my dream," you furrowed your brow, "but I don't remember anything about her."

"That's okay," Kakashi shook his head, "anything you remember is progress. Even if it's just a name."

Progress. You almost wanted to laugh. You couldn't even remember what the end goal of that progress was. How were you supposed to find your way back into a mind that seemed lost to you?

"How can I know that you actually mean that?"

"Trust isn't earned over night," Kakashi said, eyes not leaving yours, "it took us both a while to trust one another the first time we met."

The image of a man separated from you by a cell door flashed across your mind, and you stowed it away carefully.

"What changed?"

That gave Kakashi paused. You watched him as he looked down at his clasped hands and pondered on it.

"I can't say what changed for you," he finally answered, "but I knew that I could trust someone who cared as much about my student as I did. You protected Sakura for a long time. That's why..."

The pause that followed was heavy. You shifted in the bed, suddenly unsure whether you wanted him to continue.

"That's why you left. To protect her."

You chose to leave. If what Kakashi was saying was true, it was all because of how much you cared about the girl from your dream.

It was your choice. So why did Kakashi look so guilty?

You replayed your dream again, thinking about the sacrifice you'd made in that one memory to keep Sakura safe. The pain that you were willing to endure to make sure she didn't have to feel it too.

"Will you tell me more?" you asked hesitantly, wondering if it was acceptable to make such a request of someone you still didn't know if you could trust.

"Of course," he said immediately, "anything you want to know."

You weren't sure what you could possibly ask.

"Start from the beginning."

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

Author's note | YEESH another long one, hopefully it makes up for the nearly two month long wait. i'm hoping you guys like the direction the story is going. we're (kinda) nearing the end of this particular story, but i have more plans so no worries there.

i'm hoping that the storyline isn't getting too repetitive, and i know that not much is happening in the way of romance, but i PROMISE we're getting there. i tend to say a lot and take a while to get where i'm going but i hope that's something you guys enjoy.

also, if you haven't yet, please check out the playlist for this fic (linked above)! it is very specific to my taste in music but i think it fits the story really well. i tried to order it to fit the order of events in the fic, so maybe listen while you read if that's something you enjoy. i do want to point out one song that i've been listening to non-stop and that has inspired me a lot recently. it's called "take me to war" by the crane wives, and my favorite lyrics are "there are no stones at my disposal / there's no god to award me a crown / but i am always swinging at / somebody i can't knock down." i feel like it fits so well.

anyways, thank you for reading this far and don't forget to leave me some love if you enjoyed!! see y'all in the next chapter!

title is from "Arms Unfolding" by Dodie