#just venting here don't mind me

[mxanigel]

the timing of the AO3 site-wide slowdown relative to me actually updating fics is, uh, not great for my mental health

[deoidesign]

I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.

[suddencolds]

.~

[solei-eclipse]

okay. hello guys. my bad for not responding to stuff or being as active recently, had a lot of work to be done and other stuff to focus on that took a lot of my time. I wanted to make more art, but I unfortunately had to put that energy into other things (which got to the point where I could not put them off any longer and had to stay working on it). I know I missed a lot of stuff and I'm sorry for it

[windsweptinred]

....

[fayeandknight]

Pity party, table for one

This feels so stupid to admit, but today really hurt my feelings.

All the trainers piled in the van and went on a training out. Without me. I was not invited. I watched them call another trainer on the walkie to be like "impromptu outing, grab a dog and let's go". I was standing outside setting up training for a dog around car manners but hadn't started. I was literally right there.

One of them even called out the window that they'd pick up ice cream on the way back and asked me to have the others text what they wanted. So it's not like they didn't see me.

But I dutifully did so and when they came back, oops the shop must have forgotten my order. Everyone else got ice cream but me.

And it's so stupid to let my feelings be hurt by this. I know it is. And I honestly don't think anything intentionally mean spirited happened. But between usually being the one left out, hello autistic experience, and old high school trauma, it's just feels overwhelmingly lonely.

And that old trauma is particularly hard to combat, because it lends truth to the common fear that everyone secretly, or not so secretly, hates me and wishes I would die. Short version is that I had a falling out with my best friend and she led a school wide campaign, including teachers, to bully me with the admitted to goal of having me become so depressed and isolated that I'd kill myself.

I know this is not that. I do.

But it felt like it. The memory of how it started with people being nice enough to my face but never including me holding hands with how I never seem to make it into the inner circle anywhere because there's something slightly off about me. (It's the autism.)

And it just fucking sucked.

So I cried in the bathroom, invoking my superpower of being able to bawl my eyes out without making a sound. But it felt overlaid with the past where I used to eat lunch in the bathroom to avoid the bullying once it got really bad.

I barely slept last night so being very tired on top of everything else definitely did not help.

I wish I knew the secret to being included. To have people actively choose my company outside of needing something from me. I wish I wasn't such a baby over not getting ice cream. I wish I could pry the past's sticky fingers off of the present.

[it-is-i-zim]

Fellas? We ain't okay over here.

[fuckyeah-bears]

you know 99% of the time i get nice, totally reasonable, polite, and frequently kind asks on bearotonin. but every now and then i get some asks that just make me wanna reply snarkily so badly lmao

[sysig]

He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)

[lisxdumbr]

The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah

[moe-broey]

Textpost redraw that only works in a modern setting, so. I gave them silly outfits (and a little bit of lore!)

Some zoom ins on the illusts!

And Lore

Moe is like. A SHUT-IN shut-in. So in any modern setting that isn't "Hey wanna visit my hometown for a sec (events so far have followed canon at least loosely)", it would have to meet Alfonse under Extremely Specific Circumstances.

And finally! Textpost under cut!

[yuichiroswife]

{ Just got back into the swing of writing again on another blog only to find out my grandma is in the hospital for heart issues. First it was my grandpa and now it's my grandma. I'm honestly starting to believe that things really can just keep getting worse instead of better cause nothing ever seems to get better over here. }

[yani-senpai]

...

[x-adoringvoid-x]

Apparently that's called the 'irresistible force paradox'

[vincent-sinclair-deserved-better]

hm

thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol