#just the worst part of Ross in everyone

[electricboogaloosstuff]

Insane how most people on the Big Bang Theory are unlikable

[imtryingbuck]

Remembering

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Summary: The team lose their friend (I’m bad at summaries sorry)

Word count: 2,821

Warnings: Angst. Mentions of children dying. Our poor reader gets attacked. Small mentions of suicide, being spat on

Translation: unde este femeia?-where is the woman?/oms-who/da, ea este prietena noastră- yes, she is our friend/ea este cu noi, acum ești în siguranță-she is with us, you’re now safe. If any of the translations are wrong please let me know

Masterlist   Series Masterlist

It has been two weeks since the attack on the Capital. Two weeks since the Avengers got their friend back.

Y/n was taken straight to the Raft, for her own protection incase Hydra came for her. None of the team was happy about it especially Bucky who fought against the medical staff, trying to stop the SHIELD agents from taking her.

“It’s for her own safety” Fury explained, he still couldn’t believe she was alive, he didn’t believe the agent who had informed him that she was was on the street and was now working for Hydra.

“Okay well why all the guns being pointed at her?” Tony said with his arms crossed.

“For everyone’s safety”

“You’ve got a collar around her neck, two handcuffs on her wrist and cuffs on her ankles. I don’t think she’s going to get very far, do you?”

“It’s okay Tony-it’s fine I promise” Y/n spoke, Fury had to admit he hated doing this to her but he had no other option.

In them two weeks, they fought tirelessly to get her back to the tower, fought to get her pardoned - it should of been easy as they couldn’t connect her to any crimes committed by Hydra, but the government wanted her locked up as a traitor.

Ross allowed the team including Fury to go and question her at the Raft, on one condition - there be armed guards in the room.

They were led into a huge room with tiny windows, a small table and three chairs. There was armed guards lining against the wall. They had been there for 10 minutes before three locks sounded from the metal door, just as the door came open the guards stance changed, ready to shoot kind of stance.

They saw the man in charge walking in front of someone who they assumed was Y/n, who was then being flanked by three guards on either side. When they got closer the man moved aside, they all sucked in a breath at the sight of their friend handcuffed, a collar around her neck, but the worst part was the bruises littering her face and a busted lip that they could tell were fresh.

Fury reached out to her before a voice stopped him “No touching the traitor”

“She’s not a traitor” Fury snapped back.

“That’s not what her file says” Turning his head to Y/n “Sit and don’t move”

“Don’t talk to her like that” Bucky’s anger started to get the better of him.

“Oh I’m sorry, do you want to have this visit or not?”

“It’s fine. You can leave now” Fury replied.

“Remember no touching her and don’t try and pass her anything or she’ll be shot, enjoy” the man walked off chuckling to himself.

“Are you alright?” Questioned Bucky.

“I’m so sorry for what I did to yo-“

“Hey it’s fine, I’m okay, look. Now answer my question”

“I’m fine”

“What happened? Because they’re fresh bruises Birdie”

“It’s nothing”

“It’s not nothing Y/n! Who did it?” Tony says from next to Steve.

“Nothing I don’t deserve” Shifting more comfortably she sighs “Ask the questions you want to ask and you can leave”.

“You don’t deserve this Y/n!”

“Ask or I’ll get them to take me back”

Fury finally speaks after a few minutes of silence. “Okay, do you remember what happened the day we lost you?”

“I remember we was on a mission in Russia and I remember being shot and then falling and hearing voices, thinking it was you lot I-I saw faces and felt something pinching me and then waking up at Hydra’s base.”

“T-that can’t happen, Y/n we found your body and you was dead. We took you back home…”

“It wasn’t me. Hydra used a woman who could shape shift, they showed me”

“What else do you remember?” Tony asks.

“They tortured me, questioned me about my genes, t-they showed me my funeral. Then they gave me the serum and after a few months they started training me”

“Do-do you remember any missions you went on?”

“No. They always wiped my memory after I came back”

“Has any memories come back?”

“Yes”. Her head bowed and her eyes closed “I was the one that killed all those SHIELD agents”

All of them sighed in defeat. At her confession, she could be tried as a traitor, it didn’t matter if she was brainwashed or not. She had just admitted that she killed over 60 agents.

“I don’t remember any other missions. I’m sorry. I hear that you’re trying to get me freed, don’t. I belong in here”

“No you don’t! None of this is your fault!” Bucky’s voice broke.

Not listening to him, she looked directly at Fury “Lloyd was a member of Hydra, there’s many agents at the FBI that work for them and The Reapers didn’t exist because it was Hydra - the whole thing was a set up to get me. Rumlow told me that there was a deal in place between Hydra and The Facility, but when Logan got me out it pissed them off because they didn’t have me and the deal was off” Sighing, she moves the handcuffs to more of a comfortable position.

“Theres something else you need to know, the base they kept me at is in Romania. There’s children there, they’ve been injecting them with my blood. Innocent children are being killed because of me. I’m so sorry.” Looking at the guards “I’m ready to go now”.

“No no Y/n we’re not done yet” Fury stands and tries to stop her from standing.

“I’m done. Take me back”

“She’s not safe in there Fury!” Tony exclaimed as he paced back and forth in the briefing room.

“We don’t know who did it yet” Fury replied.

“Well it’s obviously the guards, we need to get her out of there” Tony’s voice rose with each word.

Shaking his head at the billionaire, “It’s safer for her in there Tony”

“No it isn’t and you know it!”

“We need to find this base and see if there are any children like Y/n said, couldn’t that help with getting her out?” Wanda ever the voice of reason.

“About that, the main reason I came here is because there is a base in Romania just like she said, you guys need to go there and check it out, I’ve already sent the coordinates to the pilot”

“When?” Steve asks.

“Pilots are ready whenever you are”.

Five hours later they were inside the base, the whole building had paperwork littering the floors, blood smeared on the walls, the horrible stench of death lingered in the air.

They searched the whole building from top to bottom for any signs of life, coming up empty until Bucky and Sam opened a door on the far end of the corridor, inside the darken room they saw seven small children huddled together in the left corner.

“It’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you” Sam says as he put his gun down. The children’s faces all contorted in confusion making Bucky repeat what Sam had said but in Romanian.

“unde este femeia?” A young boy spoke from the front.

“Oms?”

“Y/n”

“Y/n?”

“Da, ea este prietena noastră“

“ea este cu noi, acum ești în siguranță” Bucky and Sam watched as the children took careful steps towards them, Sam spoke through his comms to let the team know that they were coming out with kids.

After getting the kids on the quinjet they both made their way back into the base.

“I found a file called Little Bird, all the crimes Y/n’s ever committed for them is on here” Nat says as she opens up another link, surveillance footage after footage showing Y/n, committing crime and crime, more worse than the previous.

“Download everything to do with Y/n and we’ll show Fury, Buck Sam said something about the kids knowing Y/-Buck?” Sam laughs at Steve’s facial expression when he realises that Bucky’s not in the room with them.

“Left corridor, right at the end”

“She carved her name into the wall just so she wouldn’t forget” Bucky says without looking to see who was behind him. “She also wrote how many days she was here, she probably lost count after day 327” Turning to face his oldest friend with tears rolling down his face. “Steve, day 327 I lit a candle in her room to keep it smelling the way it always did. For 327 days we cried and mourned her whe-when she was here all along, alone and terrified. I should of done more Stevie, I shou-should of known she was still alive”

“Buck it’s not your fault! It’s not our fault either, we all watched her die. We couldn’t of known Buck so stop trying to blame yourself”

“I need to tell you something”

“Anything pal, you know this”

“17 years ago when I was still under Hydra’s control…I was sent on a mission to kill this girl, I get to her location bu-but I couldn’t go through with it. I remember her smile as clear as day, she was with an older man - laughing about who knows what but her smile Stevie” For the first time in over two weeks Steve watches his friend smile at a memory he wishes he could see. “I left and was punished for not completing the mission. It was Y/n, she was the girl. The exact same smile when I first met her-“

“Buck…”

“I never told her. I just couldn’t you know? And the worst part is Steve, if I could go back in time and do it over again, I wouldn’t. For my own selfish needs I wouldn’t stop the pain she would have to go through for six years. I would let her go through all the pain and suffering because I’m selfish!”

“You’re not selfish Bucky! You love her, you always have and you always will. I’m glad you didn’t do it 17 years ago either because I wouldn’t have met her, I wouldn’t have had a great friend, she’s the only person who ever treat me as Steve and not America’s puppet. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes Buck”

“We agree, with Steve I mean” Both men turn to face the team who were standing in the doorway.

“It’s not your fault tin-Bucky, none of this is” Tony corrects himself.

“I’m pretty sure she’d do it all ove-“.

Wanda gets cut off by Fury’s voice through their comms “You need to get back to the Tower now”

“What’s goin-“

“Now!”

They are looked equally confused by Fury’s tone and demand, but complied nonetheless.

After the children were taken away by the medical staff, FRIDAY let them know to go straight into the briefing room - where Fury, Maria, Ross sat waiting.

“What’s going on?” Steve asks, looking at all three people.

“Y/n’s been attacked in the Raft” Fury speaks solemnly.

“W-what? Who by? When?”

“Late last night”

“And you’re only telling us this now?”

“We only found out an hour before I told you to get back!”

“Where is she?” Tony questioned.

“Still there…” Ross speaks up from the end of the table.

“You’ve got to be joking right? She gets attacked and she’s still there?”

“We have to wait for the President to sign the paperwork agreeing to have her moved to a hospital, a lot of armed guards are going to be needed”

“Who attacked her?” Bucky asks.

“We don’t know”

“How bad is it?”

“We don’t know, but bad enough for the prick in charge to let us know about it happening”

Just as Bucky was about to open his mouth an agent came running in “Sir, this is straight from the President” Handing over a piece of paper to Ross, who then squeezes his eyes shut.

“What does it say Ross?”

“He’s not allowing her to be moved”.

Chaos. Chaos is the best way to describe what happened next. Everyone shouting, Tony even picked up a chair and threw it through one of the windows.

“He can’t do this!” Fury shouted.

“He’s the President of the United States Fury! He also believes she’s a traitor. He’s also not allowing her to have any more visitors”

“She’s going to die in there Ross!”

“I know, I know. Now if everyone calmly collects themselves and follow me I have a plan.”

She had managed to find a more comfortable position to finally fall asleep, which wasn’t easy to do on cold concrete flooring. Now matter which way she turned the collar dug in her neck causing her to wince at the pain. The handcuffs weren’t helping either.

Hearing the now familiar locks clicking on her door, she sat up and scooted into the corner.

“You’ve got special visitors” One of the guards said “Get up traitor”

Standing up on shaky legs, she waited for her next instructions, which didn’t come as the guard gripped the cuff link and pulled her roughly. Bare feet digging slightly into the metal grates of the walkway as she tried to keep up with the guards.

“Get in there” His rough voice echoed through the empty corridor, her heart pounded in her chest as this wasn’t the same place she was taken to when Fury and the team had been to see her.

“Whe-“ She gets cut off as she gets pushed into the room.

In the windowless room there was no chairs or table, there was nothing other than 8 men standing there.

“You’ve got two hours boys. Make sure you don’t kill her or the warden will be pissed plus she’s got more special visitors tomorrow” The guard chuckled before he closed the door.

“The most respected agent of SHIELD you was, hell I even looked up to you. And now you’re a murderer and a traitor!” A tall man with dark hair, whose eyes burned with hatred.

“So here’s what we’re going to do, each one of us is going to take a turn beating the shit out of you and your gonna be a good little girl and take it, understand?” The only blonde man spoke.

“Understand?” The first one spoke again.

Nodding her head, she watched them move around each other and waited for the first blow to come.

The punches and kicks just wouldn’t stop, she couldn’t even fight back due to the collar and handcuffs. Despite her whole entire body screaming and throbbing in pain she refused to let one sound slip from her now busted and swollen lips. All she repeated in her head like a mantra was that ‘she deserved this and more’, everyone was right, she was a traitor and no not because she wanted to but because she didn’t end her life before Hydra had a chance to turn her into a monster. She betrayed every single thing she stood for, everything she believed in, she betrayed herself and SHIELD. But most importantly she betrayed The Avengers, her family.

Knowing that they watched her ‘die’ broke her heart, when she watched her funeral, - Rumlow using it to break her - she put a shaky hand to theirs faces on the small grainy tv screen, trying to send them comfort despite where she was and what she was going through. She didn’t mean to hurt them, of course she didn’t want to but it wasn’t something that she had no control over. 

If laying on the cold, dingy floor taking punch after punch, kick after kick was to make up for the pain she caused her family to go through, she’ll happily do it until her last breath.

“Times up fellas” The guard came into the room “I gave you an extra 15 minu- you did a right number on her, didn’t you lads” He chuckled at the sight of her.

“Just give me one more minute with her, I just need to say one last thing”

“Sure thing just make it quick”

As the men walked out they spat on her one by one, and when the door closed the last man picked her up by her hair. “That was for all the agents you killed, my brother was one of them! I had to tell our parents that he wasn’t coming home anymore. I promised my ma I would get the person who did this, best 300 bucks I’ve ever spent - oh sweetheart, didn’t you know that the wardens charging people to have their way with you, you’re not big and scary now are you?” He chuckled just before he spat right in her face and dropping her.

The guard comes back in and takes her back to her cell. “Sweet dreams Little Bird” is what he says to her before locking the door.

After the third day, her face was unrecognisable. Her prayers for death weren’t being answered.

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Tags: @unaxv @sapphirebarnes @bethexo07 @doublebassallie @vicmc624 @cyberficlya @elijahssuit @learisa @wasffginc

~ banner credit goes to @sweetpeapod ~

[externalacousticmeatus]

overanalyzing the destruction from carrie the musical (including the rlly rlly obvious parts) because i can:

okay so the beginning starts off with her saying the beginning of the lord’s prayer. we also see her saying the lord’s prayer during the opening number, after gym class. Carrie is very religious, and it makes sense why she would be thinking of god during her most traumatic moments. 

then she says “oh my god oh my god oh my god”, using the lords name in vain, something she doesn’t do very often during the show. 

after this she sings “i will not cry, i’m okay, i tried so hard to play their way” which is a callback to the song Carrie, which she sings these exact lyrics. obviously this time she’s far more angry, instead of desperate and calm like in the first use of this. 

things really get interesting when she cries out “mama, you should have told me!” in the original run of the show, there was a song called “her mother should have told her” which takes place during the locker room scene after carrie has gotten her first period. That song is about how carrie’s mother never taught her about menstration, but in this context the line is specifically carrie resenting her mother for not warning her about the cruelty of her peers. The thing is though, she did. She warns carrie several times throughout the show, and so i think this line is about carrie regretting the fact that she ignored her warnings. 

then “and god made eve to bear the curse the curse of blood”, which is a line from ‘and eve was weak’. This line has a lot of complexities, because it’s carrie’s first period that technically triggers her telekinesis, and her denial and acceptance of her own womanhood is what she grapples with throughout the show. And i think the fact that she’s singing this while literally covered in blood is really powerful. 

after this she says “his name is tommy ross mama, he’ll have me home by midnight”, which is her recounting the events that led to this moment at the prom. she’s still processing the event, and desperately going through memories, trying to piece together why this possibly could have happened. 

next, she sings “an eagles just another bird until he can spread his wings”, which is a lyric from tommy’s song ‘dreamer in disguise’ earlier in the show. this part has so many layers oh my god. That song is about feeling different, and it’s what ultimately brings Tommy and Carrie together. I think this specific choice out of all the lyrics in the song is really interesting, because it’s a really powerful metaphor for Carrie and her powers, and it foreshadows what’s about to happen in about 30 seconds. “an eagles just another bird” is about how carrie is very ordinary. she’s definitely an outsider, but she is ultimately just like everyone else. she’s mostly ignored, and when she is bullied it’s often excused because “it’s just carrie”. then, “until he can spread his wings” is about carrie using her powers later on in the scene to finally get revenge on everyone who mocked her, making them finally see her. Specifically, the use of tommy’s song in this moment is powerful because carrie thinks that tommy has betrayed her. she doesn’t understand that he had nothing to do with it, she thought he was in on the trick and THATS why he asked her to the prom. and she never finds out the truth, because she kills him before she gets the chance. and she dies assuming that she has been betrayed.

Then, the ensemble sings “open your hearts, let jesus sing”, which is from the song ‘open your heart’ which is a song on the evangelical christian radio station that her mother is listening to earlier in the show. This time, the lyric is far more dark and sinister. Religion has had such a big impact on carrie’s life and worldview (mostly for the worst) and at this point in the show (id argue it’s a little more obvious in the book), her powers are inherently biblical. wether they’re sent from heaven or hell is unknown, but they’re definitely not something human. 

After this are lyrics from ‘i remember how those boys could dance’, but this time they’re sung by Carrie instead of her mother. “they’ll make fun of you, they will break your heart, then they’ll laugh at you watching you fall apart.” and her peers do all of those things. Even though Margaret is an absolutely terrible person and mother, the sad thing is, she was right in the end. And carrie realizes that. Just like earlier in The Destruction, Carrie is trying to grapple the fact that she was told these things and chose to ignore the warnings. 

During this line, the ensemble sings “carrieeee carrieee” in almost a sinister mocking tone, the same tone they’ve used on her so many times. This time, though, they’re chanting her real name. compared to the title song, when Carrie is frustrated because no one knows her name. They finally know who she is, but at what cost?

Then, she sings more lyrics from the title song. “doesn’t anybody ever get it right? doesn’t anybody think that i hear?” i get chills every time i get to this part of the song. there’s something so powerful about her belting out these same two lines again, but so much different this time. in the title song, she’s tired of being mocked  and is desperate to fit in. this time around, she’s desperate to get her revenge. 

The rest do the song is instrumental, but there’s still so much to analyze. it depends on the production, but at least in the cast recording we first hear the sounds of various electronics short circuiting, and the fire alarm going off. in the book, one of the main way that carrie kills people is by setting off the sprinkler system in the school gym, and electrocuting everyone inside. We can also hear a heart beating, probably Carrie’s. later on in the show, Carrie kills her mother by slowing down her heart rate.

Next, we hear an electric guitar rendition of ‘i remember how those boys could dance’. As we hear the screams of carrie’s dying classmates, it transitions into the title song, then back to ‘i remember how those boys could dance’, but this time as a haunting piano melody. 

[momentokori]

Storm in a field of flowers. Pt. 12 previous part---next part

Tagging: @mayisgoingnuts

Rai slowly sat up, rubbing her head. She looked around in a daze, everything around her was blurry. She squinted, wondering if maybe she should start wearing her glasses. She slowly stood up, tripping over her own feet and falling onto the swing set again. Why did she feel so weak? She didn’t understand, she wasn’t supposed to be weak. She was supposed to be tough, a leader. When she looked down she couldn’t find anyone. She tried calling out their names but no sound came out, it felt like someone was choking her. Something grabbed her from behind, she recognized the person just by the hand. She froze, it couldn’t really be him could it? It couldn’t be! He was in jail! Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by a voice, she grew even more terrified. She turned around so quickly she almost fell over, when she saw who it was her heart dropped. She was right about it being him, but all other senses left her. She just stood there, feeling useless, just looking at him was enough to bring back a plethora of memories. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move, yet he brought back so much for her. She just began to cry, falling to her knees while sobbing into her hands. Every slap, every yell, every insult, everything was coming back, it hurt her so much.

In reality, she hadn’t woken up. None of them had, they were having nightmares. Roy was hugging himself, almost trying to hide. Ross was just shaking, holding his hands to his chest. Robert had tried hiding in his coat. Elaine was laying on her back, breathing so fast it was like she was hyperventilating. Rai looked like she was trying to hide as well, just in a different way than Roy. They had no outside help, they were trapped. They didn’t know how to get out, they all thought they were awake. Too afraid to realize what was actually happening to them. They all felt like they were reliving their trauma, experiencing their worst fears. They were helpless, trapped in their own heads. They continued to mumble, twitch, or whatever connected to what was happening in their heads. Their glowing eyes the only source of light for what looked like miles. Well, the stars shone above them. Twinkling with no pattern, like they didn’t need to be connected to be beautiful. Like they didn’t need to be perfectly in line to be beautiful.

Ross was the first to wake up, his fears weren’t the worst. They may have been terrifying to him but even he managed to get over it. He had actually woken up, not like he thought he had been before. He saw everyone, he didn’t even try to comprehend what was happening. He instantly went to try and wake the rest up. He went to Elaine first, knowing she’d be the most sensible and most likely to help him. He tried shaking her awake but that didn’t seem to do anything. After a minute of thinking it through he thought of something, he began to listen closely to her mumbling. When he realzied what she was mumbling about he became worried, but he pushed it back that he could fix this. He began to talk to her, coaxing her out of her nightmare. When she managed to overcome her fear she woke up, sitting up quickly. After the shock of everything wore off Ross explained what he thought was happening. Something about the creature punishing then for not getting along. Elaine had to sit and think about how stupid that was for a minute. When she noticed Rai crying she stopped though, running to her without second thought. She held her and was trying to talk to her, but Rai wasn’t mumbling. Elaine had no clue how to help. Ross went to help Robert, he knew Robert could help with both Rai and Roy. Luckily for them Robert ended up waking up on his own. He panicked when he was bombarded by Ross and Elaine trying to explain everything. He didn’t know who to help. His sister, or his best friend. He decided to go help Roy, he knew Rai well. He knew how strong she was.

He ran over to Roy and listened for any way he could help. He quickly realized what it was about when he saw how Roy was holding onto his sweater. He began to try to talk to him to calm him down, trying to help him realize it was a nightmare. It took a little longer than expected to get him awake again. He wouldn’t let go of Ross or Robert, either holding their hand or hugging their arm. When one walked away he went to the other, he just needed support. They knew this and they were willing to help him with it. Elaine was still trying to wake up Rai, but she had no idea what was wrong. Her brain to scattered to try and figure out what it was. Robert had an idea, but he knew how upset she was, she wouldn’t listen to him. She began to shake Rai to try and wake her up, it didn’t work. Neither did yelling, if anything that made it worse. Elaine just began to cry, she didn’t know what to do and it hurt her so much. The boys weren’t the best with emotional things, so they stood to the side. Roy would walk up and try slapping her to wake her up, but Elaine just started yelling at him. He ran to hide behind Ross and Robert after that. Elaine didn’t know what to do, she couldn’t handle it, so she just cried.

Ask if you wanna be tagged or anything like that!! :)

[chirpsythismorning]

I dont even think the tag is dead at all tbh. We were really spoiled last summer with 2k post per day, and something crazy happening everyday like Mikhailgate, scriptgate, sock anon or people impersonating Ross duffer, but if you check most tags on this app, that's rarely the case. The thing is, it's been a year since season 4 came out and we're still getting around 300 posts per day and I need people to realise how crazy that is. Before season 4 the tag had like 5 k followers and there could be days without a single post. The fact that it's been a year and we still surpass 200 posts, AND we've already made it through the most content drought phase of the hiatus (since filming is about to begin and we'll increase the daily posts again) is crazy. This tag is still very much active, even for a show that hasn't released any new content for a year. And also AO3 is still active. The fact that for a whole year, there's been writers who still update fics or create new ones everyday is something I'm not used to coming from other smaller fandoms.

I get it's a bit more boring right now and we are looking back to the may-august craze, but we've already made it through the worst and we only need to hold on for one more month

This is definitely the best way to look at it!

I think I’m also maybe sad bc a lot of familiar faces aren’t as active, like some folks I remember seeing daily are gone. Which is fine!

And even despite that you’ll see posts in the tag get like hundreds of likes, so there are definitely a lot of people still lurking just not posting. Which is also fine!

It’s so true though that we are a lot more active than we realize.

Tumblr in general I used to think of as like a no man’s land pre-s4 bc it tends to really only be active in specific fandoms where like the unity is on point bc the content is just rolling in.

So many fandoms reside here at a point, but dwindle over time, and I feel like we are very fortunate to have made a big space here bc it is a cool platform when you have a lot of people that like a certain thing and want to talk about it.

And we’re fortunate enough to be so massive and not only that but this is sort of just the beginning. Imagine how many followers we’ll gain leading up to s5, during and after…? Or the aftermath of people coming here to look at theories and be like YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT! All the queer fans who kind of talked down on us (understandably) for potentially falling for queerbait, joining in and being like wow this is surreal, it finally happened. It’s going to be magical.

For now I guess it just makes me wonder if I should take a break too?? Like seeing yourself over and over in the tag is almost a wake up call that I should step back like everyone else is for the time being? Bc like idk if it’s maybe annoying to see the same person over and over? Or if it’s just the reminder of how inactive things are and that’s what makes people step back too?

Not even a bad thing necessarily like you said, bc this is still an unprecedented case of a fandom being quite active despite the circumstances.

Honestly though, even if there isn’t much news going into May and in the couple months after it, beyond like the bare minimum of what we’re expecting, I’ll try to embrace it and maybe step back or even focus on more detailed posts instead of the day to day fodder.

I also hate myself for this, but I rarely go in the top posts tag??? I’m always like living in the recent posts part of it and that’s probably also the problem 😭

So reminder to anyone that’s like me who does the same, we gotta support more of us that have top posts too bc I will literally remember the top posts exists, go there, find absolute gems (obviously it’s top posts???) and then be like why the fuck don’t I come here more often??? That’s another way I could probably curb my disappointment about us not being as active as I’m used to. And it’s super simple.

There’s a lot of stuff like that I could do better at to contribute to the solution of this being a better experience for myself and other still active on here!

Thanks for the pep talk anón 😇🙏

[starryknight09]

Unforeseen dangers ch 14

Summary:  As Peter recovers from his capture by Ross, a photo of him with Tony and the Avengers leaks and is splashed all across the media. Luckily, no one can figure out who he is and everyone thinks the buzz will die down. However, the public’s interest has been ignited. While Tony worries it’s only a matter of time before Peter’s identity is exposed, Peter isn’t as concerned. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?

Read on AO3.

________________________________________________________

“No.  Absolutely not.” Peter said as he stormed out.

“Kid.  Peter.  Wait.  Come back here.” Tony called out from behind him.

Peter just kept walking.  He’d had enough.  He’d sat in meetings all day with people telling him what he could and couldn’t do from now on, and now Tony expected him to give up what little privacy he had left.  Well, he wasn’t going to do it.

He made it to the elevator before Tony caught up to him.

“Home FRIDAY.” He ordered and crossed his arms, watching as Tony made it in just before the elevator doors closed.

“Ok I understand you’re upset.” His dad held both his palms up in a placating manner.

“Good work.  I am.” Peter stared straight ahead, refusing to look at him.  How could he think this was a good idea?

“Ok but be honest here.  Don’t you think you might be overreacting just a teensy tiny little bit?”

“No!” He definitely wasn’t.  “You and I both know I don’t need a bodyguard, Tony!  I’m Spiderman!”  It felt good to finally say it after sitting through a meeting with the head of SI security for the past hour where the man had looked at him like he was a meek little victim waiting to happen.

“Yes, I know that.  And you know that.  But no one else does and if you want to keep it that way this is what we have to do.”

Peter huffed.

“I’m doing what I’d do if you were a normal kid and—”

“So I’m not normal now?” Peter sniped, not even sure why he was picking a fight.

“You know what I mean.” Tony didn’t rise to the bait.  “And if you were a normal kid you’d need a fulltime body guard.  So everyone is going to expect that.”

Peter rolled his eyes and stepped out of the elevator as soon as the doors had widened enough in front of him.  Tony followed a step behind him, still talking.  “You’re my son and now everyone knows.  And I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for that.  You know I’d take that part back if I could, but I can’t.  And now that everyone knows, there are going to be people gunning for you to get to me.  That’s just reality now.  And I know you can take care of yourself, but the rest of the world doesn’t know that and if I leave you visibly unprotected it’s going to be asking for trouble.”

Peter fell forward onto the couch and shoved his head into one of the pillows.  “But I don’t want a bodyguard.” He complained but the initial anger he’d felt had started to dissipate.  He could sort of see where Tony was coming from.  Even though it still sucked.

“I know.  I get it.  You’ve only said it about twenty times now.  Any more and you’re going to hurt Happy’s feelings.” Tony said.

Peter frowned before turning to look up at his dad.  “Happy?  What are you talking about?”

“Happy’s going to be your bodyguard.  What?  You think I’d trust anyone else?” Tony quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Happy?” Peter repeated, more to himself this time as he turned back into the pillow and rolled the idea over in his head.  That wasn’t as bad as what he’d been imaging.  He and Happy almost sort of kind of got along now.  Although he still didn’t want the man in all his business, but if it was between him and a complete stranger, he supposed this was the better option.

“So,” Tony interrupted his musings as he picked up Peter’s feet so he could slide under them to sit at the end of the couch.  “Does it being Happy make it better or worse?”

“Better.” Peter admitted.  “But I’m still not happy about it.”

“I know.” 

 “I guess I can accept it on one condition.”

“Yeah?  What’s that?” Tony asked.

“I get to see the look on Happy’s face when you tell him has to be my bodyguard now.”

Tony let out a surprised laugh.  “Deal.”

********************************************************************

Peter settled back in bed and opened his laptop.  It’d been a long day and the last thing he wanted to do was read what was being said about him, but he couldn’t stop himself.  He was like the moon and the information nestled under his fingertips was the Earth.  He was helplessly stuck in its gravity.  After a few minutes of browsing the plethora of article headlines, he decided there was nothing new out there, just numerous reiterations of the same thing.  Information about his background and speculation on his and Tony’s relationship littered the internet now.

He exited out of the google search window and closed his computer with a sigh, setting it to the side and pulling his phone out of his pocket.  He wasn’t big into social media.  He had an Instagram account and a Twitter account, but he’d only posted once or twice on Twitter before losing interest in it, and he rarely posted pictures on Instagram, which was apparently a good thing according to Alex, SI’s media guy, because it meant they didn’t have to go through and purge anything.

He clicked on the Instagram icon on his phone.  He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d checked it.  He’d gotten it when everyone else was into it, but he hadn’t seen the point.  He already knew what was going on in the lives of the people he cared about and they knew the same about him.  Worrying about posting idyllic pictures of his life just seemed like extra work and an unnecessary added stressor on top of all the other things he already had to worry about.

The home screen popped up and when he clicked on his profile icon his jaw dropped.

459,432 followers.

“Holy shit!” Peter gripped his hair.  He really should’ve made his account private, but he’d never anticipated anything like this happening.

“Oh god oh god oh god.” He clicked through the photos he had up to make sure there wasn’t anything too embarrassing.  Luckily they were all fairly benign.  And boring, if he was being honest.  Alex had told him they were all fine, but pictures that risked embarrassing his dad and his company were different than pictures that made him look like a loser.

His inbox was overflowing with DM’s.  He didn’t even know what to do about it besides ignore them, but he really wanted to make them go away.  Maybe Alex could help him.

If his Instagram account looked like this, he could only guess his Twitter account would be exactly the same.

He rubbed a hand down his face and let out a groan.

His phone buzzed next to his leg.  Ned’s name flashed across the screen.

“Hey man what’s up?” Peter answered.

“Listen, I don’t want to freak you out, but have you been on Instagram lately?”

Peter’s eyebrows pulled together.  “I was just looking at it.  Do you have ESP or something?”

“No I wish.” Ned sounded so sad about it that Peter let out a short laugh.  “Anyway, isn’t it crazy?”

“Everything’s kind of crazy right now.” Peter sighed.

“Yeah, but like dude you have almost half a million followers!”

“I know.” Peter groaned.  “It’s terrible!”

“Are you crazy?!  Why is it terrible?”

“Why?  Um because I don’t want absolute strangers knowing everything about my life.”

“You have like twenty pictures on there.” Ned scoffed.  “I wouldn’t exactly call that knowing everything.”

“Yeah.” He sighed, trying to figure out how to put how he was feeling into words.  “I guess I just I don’t like the idea of people only being interested in me because I know Tony.”

“I mean you don’t just know him.  He’s kind of your dad now.” Ned reminded.

“Yeah but I’m nobody.  I’m just me, Peter Parker.  Or, I guess Peter Stark.” Peter gave his head a shake at the slip up.  “If they’re interested in Tony then they should follow him.”

“I’m sure they do.” Ned said.  “But you’re not nobody.  You’re you know who.”

“But they don’t know that.” Peter argued.  “To them I’m just this kid with a famous dad.”

“Tony Stark.” Ned said slowly as if Peter didn’t understand.  “Tony Stark’s your dad.  That’s kind of a big deal.”

“It shouldn’t be.” He frowned.  “I just think it’s weird that a bunch of complete strangers want to follow pictures of some random kid.”

“Dude, you’re not some random kid.  You’re Ironman’s kid!”

“So?” Peter complained even though as the word came out of his mouth he knew how ridiculous it sounded.

“So?  So?” Ned’s voice kept increasing in pitch.  Peter winced.  “You’re dad’s a legit superhero.  And he’s the coolest, richest, most famous guy in the world.  Even if you were biologically his, people would be curious about you.  But you’re not.  He chose you which makes you even more interesting.  Everyone wants to know about you.”

“You mean they want to know what makes me so special that Tony Stark would want to adopt me?” Peter scoffed.

"Well kind of.  Even though it sounds bad when you say it like that.”

Peter sighed.

“I just want everything to go back to normal.” He said and didn’t realize how true that actually was until the words had left his mouth.

“I wouldn’t say your life was ever exactly normal.”

“I know.  I mean I wish things could just go back to the way they were before.” His tone came out more wistful than he’d meant it to.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“I know.” He sighed.

“Unless you can somehow invent time travel and go back and keep all of this from happening.”

Peter scoffed.

“But if Tony Stark hasn’t figured out time travel yet, I don’t think you have much hope.  No offense man.”

At least that got a small chuckle out of him.  “Right.”

“If it helps, I really am sorry.”

“I know.” Peter rubbed at eyes that were oddly burning.  No.  He wouldn’t cry.  He wouldn’t.

A few long seconds passed in silence.

“You know what else sucks?”

“What?”

“Tony’s making me have a bodyguard.”

“No way.”

“Yeah and guess who it is.”

“Who?”

“Happy.”

“Seriously?”

“Mmhm.”

Ned tried to hold back a chuckle.  “I guess it could be worse?”

“Shut up.”

Ned burst out laughing and Peter finally cracked a smile.

“He’s going to hate that.” Ned added when he’d finally calmed down enough to talk again.

“Believe me, I know.”

“So you’re going to have a middle aged shadow the entire time you’re at school.” Ned actually sounded a little put out now.  “Kind of puts a cramp on your social life.”

“What social life?” Peter joked.  He got along with everyone but Ned and MJ were the only two classmates he’d consider his real friends.  “And I think you’re being generous calling him middle aged.”

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Ned warned.

“Please.  I’m not scared of Happy.”

“Yeah but you probably want to stay on his good side.  He’s going to be with you.  At school.  All the time.  Like he’s going to figure stuff out.  Stuff that you probably don’t want him to tell Tony about.”

Peter’s brow furrowed.  “Like what?”

“MJ.” Ned said simply.

“You only know about that because I told you.”

“Please Peter.  Give me some credit.  It’s obvious how much you like her.”

“It is?” His heart swooped.  “Do you think she knows?”

“Probably.  Doesn’t she know like everything?”

“Yes.”  Peter ran a hand down his face.

“You should just ask her to prom.  If she says yes then she probably likes you back.”

“I know.  I’m thinking about it.  I’ve got some time.”

Ned hummed to let him know how much he believed that.

“Anyway, Happy finding out about MJ wouldn’t be the end of the world.  Tony teases me for it already.”

“Ok then what about Flash?”

Peter shrugged.  “He doesn’t bother me as much anymore.”

“True but he doesn’t exactly leave you alone either.”

That was fair.  He didn’t.  But Peter could ignore the little snippy comments compared to what the bullying had been like before.

“If anything, Happy might help.  He’s the one that scared him into being nicer to me at the beginning of the year.”

“I guess.  Maybe it won’t be so bad then.”

“Maybe.” But somehow he doubted it.

[pazodetrasalba]

Vae Victis

Dear Caroline:

Just finished reading yesterday this recommendation of yours. It wasn't bad, but if I am to be sincere, it is up to now the least interesting of your 5 star choices. I imagine this comes as a result of my absence from the world it depicts: what might have been personally relevant for an (ex)finance bro like you is mostly irrelevant for me.

Yes, the book is a bit slow and rambling, and yes, it does accelerate and get more thriller-like once the bids are out (title gives away the resolution, though, if for some reason you had never heard of the RJR Nabisco leveraged buyout in the first place). The cast is too big - I actually benefited from watching the movie adaptation before finishing the book so that I could at least make a clear mental picture of the, say, 10 or so main characters.

One way of reading this book (and the popular narrative at the time of the events) is as a story of greed, with stereotyped and villainous figures (the film is much less nuanced than the book, and really goes full-hog in this direction: Ross Johnson is a a snake charmer wallowing in luxury who'd sell his mother for the right price, and Henry Kravis is literally Count Dracula - nobody does 'slightly creepy old dude' better than Jonathan Pryce), the worst of which are Wall Street bankers and lawyers who are out to make a catch with complete disregard for the well-being of businesses, shareholders, workers and public. This is how I would have read it many years ago, in my Marxist years. Now that I have become attuned to the fact that capitalism and markets are (mostly) good and the financial sector is necessary for keeping our social machine well oiled and running, I'd be inclined to make other readings as well.

On a side note -actually, it's not that much in the sidelines-, schools do a very poor job at pushing forward what is an extremely anti-intuitive but truthful view, first espoused by Adam Smith in The Wealth of Nations, and expressed in your own review as "You think about market participants each trying to maximize their profits, and everyone acting in their own interest ends up maximizing total welfare, and that makes sense in a zoomed-out way, and as far as I can tell is not a crazy model of the behavior of companies". But this really beggars belief until you actually see it: it feels no less stupid and false to a smart teenager than religious dogma. On the contrary, the same teenager who reads The Communist Manifesto will find a very believable narrative of the moral and economic progress of History through class conflict, and if he further pursues some basic readings (and remains, as we mostly do, economically illiterate), will also find the theory of surplus value scientific-sounding and a good basis for accusing all capitalists of being exploiters and thieves.

It is, indeed, nothing short of miraculous that individual egoisms actually end up creating a quasi-optimal arrangement for the most part, but I feel Barbarians at the Gate is mostly showing you the scenario when this doesn't actually happen. That is to say, for RJR Nabisco under Johnson's leadership, and through the LBO, it does indeed appear that (quoting you again):

- there is a CEO, who is a guy - there is a board, consisting of a bunch of guys who are friends with the CEO - they all have fiduciary duties and if they fail to meet them they will get yelled at by a judge in Delaware - ??? - shareholder value gets maximized

Love the ???. Actually, if one goes back to those dull, first chapters at the beginning of the book, we do get a glimpse of how companies manage to turn individual egoisms into positive enterprises. The book dwells a lot on the first years of Nabisco and Reynolds tobacco, on how founders made all the right choices of wise investment and expansion, use of local knowledge, ethics, hard work and know-how, treating workers and shareholders well, taking advantage of rising opportunities... It really reads like a guide on what to do, as contrasted with the relative vacuity of what Ross Johnson actually ends up doing. Does he actually create any positive value? Perhaps his best contribution is his rejection of stability and routine, a chaotic undermining of conformity which might help against the inevitable stagnation of consolidated companies, but that appears to be all he does. Yes, he charms board members and presidents, parties hard and lavishes wealth on executives and board members (including himself). on the face of it, all this doesn't seem at all better than its opposite.

I am not economically savvy enough, but moving to LBOs, I imagine one could make the case for them in that they judge company value more efficiently than markets (as seemed to be the case with the stagnantly low value of RJR Nabisco shares), and in that the debt and diet they impose on their companies trim out the fat, the redundant, the inefficient and (once the debt is paid), end with a more economically efficient company that can survive and thrive in the market better. Like all tools, though, they can be misused, making some people very rich (CEOs, their cronies and the lenders) and a lot of people quite miserable (workers and shareholders) through financial trickery and assaults orchestrated through 'phoney money'. It is all a matter of trade-offs, I guess. Still, I like some of the anti-LBO voices: even though the book has no heroes (Johnson might be an anti-hero of sorts), Ted Forstmann comes pretty close (and btw, he become a signatory of the Giving Pledge in 2011). It's a pity the way he's massacred in the movie. And crypto doesn't feel that far away from junk bonds...

The book did have some lovely snippets of humor (loved the private jet piloting Mr. G. Shepherd to safety). As for your belief that "it is reassuring that the whole system seems to kinda work anyway", I fear it seems to be the wrong lesson to learn from all of this; in fact, the book seems peppered with quotes that are the absolutely worst possible lessons one could take, most of them from the lips of Ross Johnson, about disregarding protocols, logic, reason and checks and balances. Your final quote about rows of figures with millions of dollars that no one knows the proper meaning of is actually quite an ominous note to end the review with, a precursor to the apparently very lax and chaotic management of vastly superior sums of money in FTX and Alameda.

Quote:

"It all started with a small lemonade stand in Manitoba,” read one Johnson parody. “The next thing I knew I had sold my mother. The rest was easy.”

P.S.: Among the things you mention that motivate you, "making guys think I am attractive" seems particularly ill-phrased. You are incredibly attractive, Caroline (both as a person and as a woman), so there should be little need of persuasion, except we usually find that these truths and feelings are seldom commutative.

[the1975attheirverybest]

road-trip with matty? (+maybe the other guys)

OMG YESSS. It’d be a fuckin dream. I mean, it would also be absolute CHAOS. like, you’re in the car with 4 professional musicians. And not just any musicians. The 1975. So, there’s absolutely no chance in HELL that you’re getting control of the music. Not that you mind. Between demos of their original works, and completely unhinged, super specific playlists, you’re getting a thoroughly well-rounded road trip music experience. they take turns driving so as not to completely tire out one person. But they all agree Matty is the worst driver so, when it’s his turn, they keep roasting him. And he’s just frowning, looking in the rear view mirror like “oh piss off, you lot. When it’s your turn, you get control. For now, shut the fuck up.” George has called shotgun. So he’s in the front seat the whole time. Making conversation with whoever is driving, his window is down, he’s wearing sunglasses. Adam is the dad of course. Checking that everyone’s wearing their seatbelts, everyone has water. If you get nauseous, he makes everyone stop the car so you can have a little break. At the rest stop, Matty wants to fill up on junk food and absolutely horrendous sugary snacks. “It’s all part of the road trip experience, babe.”

you feel like you’re supervising a bunch of minors on their first school trip cuz they take too long going to the bathroom, and selecting foods to buy, and fighting over which snacks are “car snacks” for everyone to enjoy, and which should be individual purchases. Ross acts as your megaphone. Whenever you say something, he’s like “LISTEN UP BOYS. SHE SAID WE SHOULD ALL DO THIS!” It takes twice as long to get to your destination cuz they take their time doing stuff. And your tiny bladder keeps asking for pee breaks. And Matty keeps straying off route to show you niche things that only he cares about along the road, but you wouldn’t ride in any other car.

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Now that I’ve seen the move...

I’m reading so many hot takes on Twitter regarding Talokan fighting with Wakanda. The worst are people saying Shuri isn’t good enough to be BP because she doesn’t have the skills... completely forgetting she made all the suits/tech, fought alongside the soldiers and her brother, and guided a shitty CIA op to help them in the middle of fighting during the last move. Fuck outta here. Shuri held her own. That mantle belonged to her.

Spoilers ahead...

The other take I found funny (and ignorant to the reality of the WF worldbuilding) was folks mad that Wakandans were getting their ass beat by Namor’s people. #1 Namor told them people he had more Talokanil than Wakanda had blades of grass, and #2, imagine an entire nation filled with the properties of the heart-shaped herb in their DNA. Every Talokanil has the strength and healing powers of the BP, and only the BP is blessed with that compared to regular Wakandans. So unless Shuri is going to mass produce 3D printed herb for everyone in her nation, the Wakandans were going to get washed fighting Namor and ‘nem.

For my own two cents, I ain’t mad at Namor for doing what he said he was going to do to protect his people. This man saw first hand how colonizers act. Witnessed the brutal changes in real time for 500 years. He is not going to fuck around with Wakandans who have lived secure in a bubble all their lives. The climate, oceans, and marine life are already suffering due to colonizers neglectful/selfish behavior, so of course he’s going to come hard to keep his people hidden and keep white folks from getting his vibranium deposit. He held out an olive branch with centuries of experience backing him as a ruler of his people. Ramonda messed up by not heeding his warning. She of all people already knew how these white folks were acting with her (that whole UN scene showed the treachery of the French and their American ally--The CIA). For her to not recognize a powerful ally to keep her own people safe too was a political and tactical error on her part. You got through a technologically advanced nation’s security system? Bay-bee, we about to sit down and talk in a diplomatic way first.

Namor had every right to clap back even if that meant taking out Wakanda first, (Ramonda included). Sucks for Wakanda and Shuri, but again, this is a man who has lived through the worst of white nonsense (unlike Wakanda whose only bad thing ever experienced was T’Chaka being killed). He knows where it will lead if they are discovered again because history backs him up. An old head is not about to have a repeat of these bitches coming for their people and resources once more. Shuri recognized that when she asked to go to Talokan (she wasn’t kidnapped, RiRi was.) Namor heard her talking to her mother before, that’s why he was willing to allow her into Talokan... the only surface dweller to ever go there.  

Now I’m not a fan of fridging characters to motivate other characters to act on something or grow their arc (especially if the character is male and the fridged is female--an old tired trope), but I decided to let Ryan Coogler tell the story he wanted to tell because of all the stuff he went through with the cast to get this film made. I hope people don’t lose track that White supremacy/White Imperialism/Capitalist bullshit is the root cause of everything in that movie. Ross and his people being the main villains. (Ross will stay on the hook because he knows what the CIA is all about and he perpetuates their violence with a milqtueoast appearance making people think he is a cute/nice ally. He isn’t. He represents the White Supremacist machine fully. Any dude once married to Val is just like her. Some of the most racist people (co-workers) I have ever met were nice, helpful, and pleasant-looking, but did horrendous non-violent things to perpetuate white supremacy when no one was looking.

People can go back and forth all they want about whether Ramonda sacrificed herself, or Namor killed her. I mean, both things can be true. He caused the water sinkhole she jumped into to save RiRi where she drowned. We can also argue that Nakia didn’t have to kill those two women in Talokan even though she was there to save two other women, but she did what she needed to do in that moment to protect a loved one. Again, white supremacy and the white military industrial complex started all this shit. They used a Black girl genius’s invention in the hopes of extracting a resource they would use to exploit Black and Brown folks globally. Namor came back to tap that ass. I can’t be mad at him too much. War sucks for everyone. He said what he said. Ramonda dismissed it.

Of course, my thoughts are based on a one time viewing of the film. I saw the first one 7 times (might’ve been 8, lol!), so I may have to do more viewings later as things I missed the first time will come to my attention. Heck, I may change my mind on some things later. For now, whew...the takes are all over the place regarding Shuri.

[felixcloud6288]

Fullmetal Alchemist Chapter 36

The aftermath left everyone in a downer mood.

Ed demanded to know why Roy kept Hughes's death a secret. Roy's eyes were obscured until after he punched Ed. His eyes only did that thing when he apologized for lying. Maybe Roy was upset Ed and Al saw what he did and was upset his lie came back to him in the worst possible way.

Maybe Roy wanted Ed to hit him for what he'd done. His eyes say he's not happy settling for apologizing.

Alex wasn't there. He knew Roy burned Maria Ross to death, but not the extent. The autopsist calling her a pile of ash is the first time he finds out just what Roy did.

Alex had been suspicious of the arrest. He'd been certain Maria Ross was being set up. In his mind, he knows Roy killed an innocent woman. But he can't do anything except bow his head and apologize.

For one moment, he let his mask slip. If he could, he would have killed Roy right then.

Roy suggests Alex take a vacation to the East. When he made the suggestion, Roy bent down so he would have to look up at Alex.

Roy's eyes are hidden as he gets up and walks away.

It's the next day when we see Barry and Falman and Lin. This is the only lighthearted scene all chapter. A short breather before we see Winry's side of things.

Ed and Al knew Hughes the soldier while Winry knew Hughes the family-man. These different sides of Hughes have different social networks. Ed, Al, and Winry want to grieve and process Hughes's death, and it's human nature to reach out to others to share in your grief. However, Hughes the soldier's social network kept Ed and Al in the dark and processed it's grief by seeking revenge and ultimately murdering someone within that social group. Hughes the family-man's social group was upfront and spent their time talking about who Hughes was.

Ed and Al really are gifted children. They're perfectionists and are their own worst critics. When they screw up, they feel the world hates them, and can't fathom someone being kind to them. They blame themselves for Hughes's death and they blame themselves for Winry finding out. They can't think to do anything except sit in their hotel room and wait for someone to come in and yell at them.

And they still haven't forgiven themselves for what they did years ago. They think they should suffer and be the only ones who suffer while they try to atone and regain their old bodies. Their original plan was to find the Philosopher's Stone and they abandoned that when they learned it is made from human souls. Now they're trying to find the Truth within the Truth that Marcoh mentioned and it got Hughes killed.

Setback after setback and the only thing they feel they've accomplished is creating a widow. With the wrong kind of push, they were ready to give up and abandon their journey and just settle for living out the rest of their lives in the bodies they have as punishment.

But Gracia was not angry with them. She did not blame them. She told them to keep moving forward. Otherwise, Hughes died for nothing. But Ed still saw how hurt she is over his death.

Ed doesn't know what to do. He's been thinking and scratching his cheek to the point it's starting to bleed. He has no leads and no idea how to go forward.

If Gracia had chewed them out, Ed and Al could justify giving up. But now they have to keep moving forward.

And then Ed and Winry share an apple pie. Ed will not go to Hughes's friend because he murdered Maria Ross for revenge and Ed can do nothing about it. He doesn't know how to do what Hughes's wife told him to do. But he can at least do a simple act of enjoying this pie and letting Winry know it was good.

And then Envy laughs at us, the characters, and the whole situation by calling it a happy ending.

back

Spoiler Discussion

Barry said what happened wasn't part of the plan. At first, you'd think he's talking about Roy killing Maria Ross, but then we find out he was talking about Ed showing up.

Roy really is a softie at heart. His eyes say he was fine with Ed taking all his anger out on him at that moment. His eyes only did that thing because now he has to find some way to show Ed the truth of what he did. Roy made a mistake, and he's stressing over how he needs to set things right.

I wonder if Roy kneeling to speak to Alex was to clue Alex in on something. This was not the Colonel ordering the Major to take time off. This was not Mustang suggesting that Armstrong take time to grieve and get away for a bit. This was Roy telling Alex that he needs to go somewhere important.

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

I posted 1,952 times in 2022

That's 1,231 more posts than 2021!

262 posts created (13%)

1,690 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stomachachesdean

@thekidsfromyestergay

@the1312daysofchristmas

@awsugar

@sicklysweetholiday

I tagged 1,863 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#mcr - 873 posts

#my chemical romance - 868 posts

#my chem - 852 posts

#will queue welcome your extinction in the morning rays? - 542 posts

#gerard way - 456 posts

#mcromance - 364 posts

#fall out boy - 354 posts

#fob - 342 posts

#my chem romance - 340 posts

#patd - 335 posts

Longest Tag: 113 characters

#everyone is calling for ryan ross to become a white knight and slay this monster he's created but in all honesty?

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

3,386 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#4

Allison: Fuck you, Vanya. You are irredeemable trash and I wish I never had you for a sister.

Viktor: Umm, it’s actually Viktor. Allison: What?

Viktor: I’m trans. My name is Viktor now...

Allison: Oh, thank you for telling me, Viktor, I didn’t mean to misgender you.

Allison: As I was saying, I hope you fucking die. Painfully. I hope you never know peace or happiness. You are the worst brother ever. Fuck you.

5,142 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#3

7,180 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#2

mcr stans will be like "look at him he's beautiful" and it'll be a lowest quality pic of the most greasy, rat-looking man alive

7,437 notes - Posted June 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

anyone else part of the faggot america or is it just me and those guys from green day?

33,543 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[eyedrateanatomy]

wait i wanna explain all the seat numbers because me n my partner made this together and we had So many ideas during. like. a Lot

ignacio is easy to sit with at first but it is Tense. he doesnt tell you to move out of the way when he needs to get up to use the restroom so god forbid you have a tray down lest he just knocks everything on your lap. roy bugs him a bit with his incessant talking so he leans over doing that whisper yelling thing going "if you dont shut your mouth right now i Will shoot you. im not fucking around. i have a gun." and roy almost pesters him again until he sees a bump in his pocket and decides to shut up for the rest of the trip. ignacios already picky with the treatment he gets on the plane but everyone just assumes flights make him cranky. about two hours later though when everyones getting their food ignacios order is wrong, so naturally he crawls over your lap to make a scene in front of god and everyone about how inconsiderate and rude the flight attendants are and pulls out his gun. ignacio has to be strapped to a safety seat for the rest of the flight.

ross is chill and easy to sit with. the two guys in the back, not so much, neither are the guys in the front. roy keeps trying to annoy susie. hes bored, hes tired, he doesnt know how long the trip will take, he wants to know what shes listening to, etc. after like an hour and a threat from an old man does she finally decide to give him a part of her earbud. they listen to dark edgy vocaloid music on her ipod for the rest of the trip and roy wont admit that he likes it. susies in her own little world imagining her ocs in animated music videos to the songs shes listening to. jaune and radford in the front? god awful and annoying. just the worst. they have energy for days and they Can and Will talk for 8 hours straight. ignacio got up at one point to yell at them about it. like "you know the whole plane can hear you right? THE WHOLE DAMN PLANE?" and skiddad, whos Piloting The Plane, pulls out the radio to go "yep i heard the whole thing +:)" so jaune and rad decide to shut up out of fear... but they only last five minutes. jaunes always reaching behind her to ask if ross needs anything, and checks on the other kids and lila every so often. its only when the plane lands do jaune and rad finally ask for each others names.

patty is actually chill. if youre able to ignore the yappers behind you, you wont die around her. she does smell funny and watches weird opera movies on her screen, but at least shes not radford who decided to pull out his massive computer to watch the most shocking, fear inducing, gorey horror film on the planet. good luck trying to talk to patty though shes really got nothing to say.

lila is fast asleep for the whole 8 hour trip. she was awake for the first 30 minutes giving skid and pump some food and candy and setting up a cartoon for them to watch before putting on the noise canceling headphones + neck pillow and conking the fuck OUT. skid and pump are Naturally little hooligans, theyre rummaging through lilas purse trying to find more candy (that woman has a Lot in her purse. its like its bigger on the inside) and they accidentally get their wrappers everywhere. pump is reaching over to the seat in front of him to get it and it interrupts dexter n gregors little argument for a second before pump goes back to his seat. he then runs over to susie to give her some candy, and of Course he prepared for roy to ask as well so he got him some too before blowing a raspberry at him and walking away. at some point skiddad walks over to wrap lila in a blanket. bundling her like a spiders prey in its web... and pump keeps trying to get skid to turn around going "isnt that your dad??? skid turn around isnt that your dad. SKID. THATS YOUR DAD. SKID HES THE PILOT" and skids like "nahh my dad wouldnt wear the pilot hat, he always said hats mess up his hair" and this keeps going until skiddad leaves and skid only then turns around and goes See.

dexter and gregor are having the worst argument of their life, and its not Yelling (at first), but its really easy to eavesdrop on their bickering. dexter cannot stop going "i bet you like my mom. everyones waiting for you to admit it." every five minutes, and gregor has to keep putting down the bible hes reading (for fun) going "Listen. we just see each other every sunday and thats it. theres nothing more to it" and theres probably more to it but he is a Righteous Priest and hes literally in the clouds right now like. what if god hears. so dexters just really pissy the whole flight until he gets distracted by the chips given to him by the flight attendant. good luck being between all this. gregor and dexter also Constantly yell at skid and pump for being rowdy and loud. the whole plane is yelling at them, ESPECIALLY roy and ignacio. lila sleeps through all of it.

kevin is in his own personal hell right now. hes scooted all the way to the window trying desperately to avoid frank and it is Not Working. frank is too big. he laughs too loud, hes always moving in his seat and bumping into everyone elses, he eats like a pig, and when kevin Finally thinks he gets a break once franks tired, he finds out frank snores so loud it shakes the plane. kevin cant even leave hes literally trapped. if you wanna sit near kevin, you gotta get past the giant immovable object first. frank isnt the chattiest though so youll have some peace.

roberts stupid ass brother accidentally got him a seat away from his friends, and even though radford got them all wifi to text each other, rob still has to put up with Child Murderer Bob right next to him who keeps trying to ask Questions that robert keeps trying to Ignore and its not Working. at some point robert tried sneaking over to where ross is until skiddad showed up out of nowhere to go "nonono, you cant do that +:)" the plane started tilting a bit cause skiddad forgot he was piloting it so he had to speed up the process by picking rob up by the back of his shirt and placing him back to the proper seat. youre his only hope. please entertain him. at some point, robert asks streber to let him sit at the front with him, so strebers trying to ask the uncle if its fine if rob sits with them. the uncle isnt responding. streber just turns back and is like "uh sorry thats all i can do. haha" which is probably for the best.

this is the worst seat at first and its Not because of the uncle, but because streber is such a godawful annoying little shit. if you sit next to him, you Need to be prepared to put up with him rambling incessantly for hours on end about his inventions and books he read and friends and accomplishments and his entire life story. he doesnt listen when you tell him to stop Multiple Times, because everytime he tries to be quiet its like theres an itch inside him begging him to just keep telling you Everything. you cant ask the uncle for help if you tried, hed just chuckle and keep watching his telenovelas. even if he did tell streb to stop, it wouldnt work for long. but there is One thing that stops him, and that is the hungry motherfucker right behind him. bob just drools on him at first which definitely snaps him out of it. so its like... ok he'll be less distracting. he'll just doodle on his napkins. Now hes just hearing bob breathing heavily. so hes up going "i gotta take a whiz" and he hears footsteps behind him AND ITS BOB. hes not walking. streb turns back around after walking a bit more and bobs still standing there, but just a Little bit closer this time. and this keeps going till theyre up to the door, strebers like "ehm. can i help you." bob just says he needs to use the bathroom next and doesnt wanna wait for someone else to take it first. bob basically shuts streber up for the rest of the trip, and hes way too fixated on him to prey on you. the other guy? busy watching tv. congratulations! you now have the best seat on the flight.

Rick- hes the flight attendant. just before this he worked as a security guard in the airport and was fired for letting ignacio bring a gun on the plane because he didnt care. he was then hired as a flight attendant twelve minutes later.

Skiddad- hes the only pilot and only god knows why hes doing this or where hes taking everyone.

Evermore + Garcia + John + Jack- theyre on a private jet, evermore and garcia are lounging it up while john and jack are trying to ignore captain and shotgun man bothering them and keeping them from working. this was deliberate on evermores part.

choose wisely

[dolphs-world]

Too much faith in above

Friends is a generic but decent show. And it is probably the best generic show. I have only watched a handful of episodes from the first 2 seasons but if I remember correctly there are only a handful of plotlines, we were on a break, Joey and Rachel, Ross and Emily, basically just how drawn out Ross and Rachel's stuff was, that are bad. Hell, I caught some season 10 episodes on reruns and I was actually belly laughing! And I've seen this show like 20 times thanks to my sister. It's consistent and that's the draw. So I've heard people criticise Jerry Seinfeld's acting in Seinfeld but it's never bothered me. Everyone is much better, I can admit, but he gets the job done. In Friends, everyone feels like they are just playing themselves. Which brings up a thought my mother and I had, what makes a good actor? Tom Cruise is very good at playing one type of character, he feels authentic and genuine. But contrast this with Edward Norton, a guy who every role of his feels different. Even if Tom Cruise is better at one role than Norton is at all, Norton is still the better actor. Even with this in mind, the actors in Friends suck. Anytime a guest is on the show I am floored by how much better at acting and more convincing they are as character's with significantly less screen time. You wanna know what the best scene is in all of Friends? When Robin Williams and Billy Crystal appear for a cold opening! They're semi-competent but it just surprises me that Jennifer Aniston famous from that. She's the worst one! And honestly I'm surprised, I know Lisa Kudrow is a good actor. She's definitely a league above the rest but she too defaults to the same mannerisms. Except for David Schwimmer, he is a great actor. I know Ross gets worse in his beliefs as the show goes on and turns into a bit of a butt monkey but he is the best actor. Maybe he should have been Jerry in Seinfeld? Now watching a show from 30 years ago, where $1 then = $2 now, about a bunch of people who seldom work, it's dated to say the least. Again, honestly Ross, at this point, is probably the best when it comes to this. He's proud that Joey is able to take financial gambles when he cannot and gives away his ex-wife to her new one. But there's no consequences. Like anytime they lose a job there's always a back up. And when the back-up sucks it doesn't make sense that they don't help each other out. There's an episode where half of them are mad that the other half don't realise that they make less money and when the richer ones help out they deem it charity. You're not Walter White, swallow your pride! Do you know how lucky you are? (sidenote: Susan, the woman who "stole" Carol from Ross is the one who offers money to Walter White in Breaking Bad). I think an ultra left class critical analysis of these old shows is a bit of a waste but it's really hard not too. I think this aspect of the show is worse than any of transphobia. They're always talking about sex but money? No no no, that might be to real. No, let's focus on how women like commitment and men don't. Yay! That's another thing the show does, it really props up the whole women are from venus and men are from mars. Again, it's hard not to be critical when analysing how this may have shaped norms at the time. But I think the gay jokes are still funny, mainly due to the ignorance of the characters. And again, they had a Lesbian couple as supporting characters. Joey is very comfortable in his sexuality and it may be because he is Italian but it is still great to see! Also Rachel to the man who she thinks is Chandler's dad, a drag queen. "What's your name?" "Amanda" "Oh! I Get it! A-man-duh!" But the worst part of the show is how repetitive it is. I always thought Chandler was the funny one but it's really Joey, Phoebe, and Ross. He's on Family Guy levels of one-liners. If there's any take away from this post is do not binge watch TV! Appreciate it before it's gone forever!!!

[starryknight09]

Unforeseen dangers ch 13

Summary:  As Peter recovers from his capture by Ross, a photo of him with Tony and the Avengers leaks and is splashed all across the media. Luckily, no one can figure out who he is and everyone thinks the buzz will die down. However, the public’s interest has been ignited. While Tony worries it’s only a matter of time before Peter’s identity is exposed, Peter isn’t as concerned. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen anyway?

Read on AO3.

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“Peter, Boss is requesting your presence in his room.” FRIDAY announced as Peter finished placing his empty cereal bowl in the dishwasher.

“Ok.  I’ll be right there.”  He hoped Tony was feeling better today.  Bruce had said he was, but Peter needed to see it with his own eyes before that small thrum of anxiety inside his chest would truly dissipate.  He’d witnessed his dad’s headaches before, but they’d never been as severe as the one last night. 

Also, a small, terribly selfish part of him wanted Tony to be back to normal so they could finally talk about yesterday.  He was still locked out of everything, so he had no clue what was going on or what was being said.  He hated the idea of the entire world knowing more about what was happening with the press coverage about him than he did. 

When he got to Tony’s door, he didn’t bother knocking, knowing he was already expected.  As he opened it and walked in, a weight lifted off his shoulders at the sight of his dad sitting up in bed, finishing breakfast.

“Hey!  Just who I wanted to see.” Tony smiled and patted the mattress next to him.  “Come take a load off.”

“How are you feeling?” Peter asked as he made his way over.  Tony looked better than last night but still a little tired.

“Almost back to normal.” Tony said before adding with uncharacteristic sheepishness, “I’m sorry about last night.  That you had to see that.  And that we didn’t get a chance to talk like I promised.”

“It’s ok.” Peter shrugged as he took a seat on the bed.  “It’s not like it was your fault.”

“Still…”

“And to be honest, watching you get carried to bed by Captain America more than made up for it.” Peter teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.  He didn’t want his dad to feel back about getting sick.

“Yeah, well, we’re never going to mention that again, and actually, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.  Got it?” Tony said.

“That might be hard.”

“And why is that?” Tony’s eyes narrowed.

“I took pictures.” Peter grinned.

“No you didn’t.”

“I did.” And he had.  After his dad’s mandate, his phone had been useless for calling, texting, or the internet, but the camera had still worked.

“If you send those to anyone you’re grounded for life.” Tony threatened.

“You sure you don’t want me to send you one?” Peter joked, taking out his phone and pulling up one of the photos.  “It’s kind of adorable.”  He held it out so his dad could see the picture of Steve walking down the Quinjet’s ramp, holding Tony who was out cold in his arms and almost nuzzling into his chest.

“Oh god.” Tony made a face like he’d smelled something terrible as he pushed the phone away.  “My eyes.  I never want to see that again.  Delete it.”

“No.” Peter pocketed his phone.  “Your ego can handle it.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at him.  “I’m serious.  If I see those anywhere, especially as Clint’s new screensaver, you’re grounded for—”

“For life.  Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Peter interrupted with an eye roll.

“Besides, you don’t want to get in an embarrassing picture war with me kid.  I’m sure I’ve got some doozies of you.”

“No you don’t.” Peter doubted it.  “You never take pictures.”

“I don’t need to.  FRIDAY does.”

Oh yeah.  Sometimes Peter forgot about that.  Maybe he could believe it then.  And Tony didn’t look like he was lying.  “Fine.  The pictures stay in the vault.”

“Good.” Tony nodded and set aside his empty breakfast tray.  “Now that that’s settled, I think we need to talk about everything that’s going on.”

“Ok.” Peter licked his lips nervously.  He wanted to know what was going on, but at the same time, he was afraid of knowing.  In a few seconds he knew the little ‘everything was going to be ok’ denial bubble he’d been living in would burst. 

“Let’s see.  Where to start…” Tony rolled a couple fingers against his temple in a circular motion.  The pinch of his brow looked a little pained and Peter worried the stress of telling him might trigger another migraine.

“Um, we don’t have to talk about it now.  If you’re not feeling up to it yet.  I can wait.” Peter said, trying to remain outwardly nonchalant even though inside he was dying to know.

“No.” Tony immediately dismissed the offer with a shake of his head and he dropped his hand from his face.  “I’m fine.  We can talk about it now.  We should talk about it now.”

“Ok.”

Tony let out a heavy sigh before he started, “Ok, first off, let’s start with how this all started.  Sound good?”

Peter nodded. 

“Right.  So, your identity was leaked because someone somehow found the paperwork documenting your name change from Peter Parker to Peter Stark, and from there, they connected the dots.”

Peter’s eyes widened in shock.  He never would’ve guessed that was how they’d found out.  “So…this is my fault.”

“No.  No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Tony shook his head, but Peter continued without listening, “I’m so stupid.  I should’ve thought of that.  I never should’ve done it.  I’m so sorry Tony.”

“Peter, stop.” Tony held up a hand.  “It’s not your fault.  It’s not.  Trust me.  If it hadn’t been that, it would’ve been something else eventually.”

Peter ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.  “I guess.”

“Anyway, after they found the name change paperwork, it was only a hop, skip, and a jump into digging up the adoption paperwork.  So, I’m sorry, but there was really no way for me to deny it.  We had to officially confirm that you’re my son.”

Peter nodded.  He’d already figured. 

“Ok,” he mumbled, “so everyone knows.”

“Yeah, I think it’s safe to say everyone in the world who’s not living under a rock, knows.”

Peter winced.  Even though he knew it was coming, it was still a lot to process.  “Ok, so…what do we do now?”

Tony sniffed and rubbed at his nose for a moment before answering, “Well, there’s not a lot we can do besides move forward, and learn to live with it as a new normal.”

Peter swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry.  The image of all those people waiting for him outside of his school flashed through his mind.  A new normal.

Tony must’ve sensed his train of thought because he snaked an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close against his side.  “I’m sorry kiddo.  You have to believe me when I say I never wanted this for you.  Being your dad?   Yes, of course.  But this?  You having to live with the reality of everyone knowing?  And what that means?  Being treated like a Stark?  I never wanted that.”

“I know,” he whispered, and it came out slightly watery even though he refused to let the tears come.  Tony squeezed him tighter.

“And I promise I’m going to do everything in my power to help get you through this.  You’re not alone, ok?”

“I know.” He did.  He knew that.  If there was one thing he could trust, it was that Tony would have his back.

They sat there for a few seconds before Peter broke the silence to ask the next logical question on his mind, “So what are our next steps from here?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, obviously we can’t stay here, hiding out forever.  So…what next?”

“Well,” Tony cleared his throat, “I thought we’d stay here for awhile.”

Peter narrowed his eyes at him.  “How long is awhile?”

He watched as Tony tried not to fidget.  “Honestly?  I hadn’t made up my mind on that part yet.”

“Not more than a week.”

“What?”

“I can’t miss school for more than a week.  I’ll never catch up.” He protested because suddenly he could see the possibility of Tony wanting to stay there.  Maybe even forever if it meant keeping him safe.

“You and I both know that’s not true.” Tony raised an eyebrow at him, but Peter could tell he was just trying to deflect.

“Tony.” He pulled away so he could turn and face his dad straight on.  “I can’t just stay here forever.  I need my friends.”

Tony waved a hand in dismissal.  “Don’t worry.  Ted and the scary girl can come visit whenever they want.”

Peter just stared at him.

“Ok fine.  We’ll make sure you get back to school in a reasonable time frame.”

“Define reasonable.”

Tony tapped his fingers over his chest as he considered it, a quirk Peter had noticed he did sometimes when he was thinking particularly hard about something.

“A week,” Peter repeated sternly, anticipating that Tony might try to argue that the rest of the school year was a ‘reasonable time frame’.

Tony sighed.  “Buddy, you saw what it looked like outside your school yesterday.  We have to let things cool off at least for a little bit before you go back.���

“And we will.  For a week.” Peter insisted, but even as he did, he wasn’t quite sure why, except a part of him just craved to return to some semblance of normality as soon as possible.

This time it was Tony’s turn to stare.

“Come on.  You know it’s just going to make it harder the longer we wait anyway. “ Peter added.

Tony pursed his lips and appeared to be really considering it this time.

“Come on dad.  Please.” Peter gave him the puppy eyes, and he knew that with that, coupled with the use of ‘dad’, he should have him.

Tony shook his head as he let out a long breath.  “Fine.  One week.” He held a finger up.  “But I don’t think you really understand what you’re asking for.”

“I know.  It’s going to suck.” He did know.  At least in the abstract sense.  He knew everyone would be staring at him and talking about him.  He wouldn’t be able to fly under the radar anymore like he had the entirety of his high school existence so far.  But he still had Ned.  And MJ.  He wouldn’t be completely alone.  They’d stick by him.

Tony huffed out a laugh.  “That’s one way to put it.”

Peter gave him a small smile.  “Ok, so can I have my TV and phone privileges and everything else back now?”

“Yes, but before I forget, my team wants you to hold off on posting anything on social media for the time being until they get a chance to talk with you.”

“Your team?”

“Yeah I-” Tony paused with a frown as if that very question was odd. “I have a team for this kind of stuff.  You know that, right?”

“No, but I guess I do now.” Peter shrugged.

“You—” Tony blinked at him.  “Who did you think does all this stuff?  Me?”

“No.” Peter made a face.  Of course not.  “Pepper.”

Tony laughed.  “No.  Definitely not.  I don’t think either of us would’ve survived that.”

Peter grinned.

“Anyway, no posting.” Tony repeated.

“That’s fine.  I never really post that much anyway.”  He didn’t.  But he also didn’t love the idea of some strangers dictating what he could and couldn’t do.

Tony nodded and a second later his brow furrowed.  “Actually, now that we’re on that topic, I just remembered they wanted me to pick out some pictures of you to release to the media.  That might’ve been something I was supposed to do yesterday…  Or was it?  God, I can’t even remember.  I hate how fuzzy migraines make me.” He touched his head as if that would help.  “I guess I’ll just have to do it today.  Do you want to help?”

“Sure,” he agreed easily.  “Right now?”  At least being involved in this one thing meant he had some control over something.

“In a minute.  Before we do that, I think we should watch the press conference I gave yesterday.  It’ll help give you some framework as to what’s going on.  Then I promise you can have all your access to everything back.”

“Ok.” Peter agreed.  Even though he was crazy curious about what everyone was saying about him online, he also wanted to know what his dad had said at the press conference.

“But I have one condition.” Tony held up a finger.

“What?”

“You promise to come to me if you come across anything that bothers you.”

Peter opened his mouth to protest, to argue that he wouldn’t let whatever the idiots were saying online bother him.  He was stronger than that.

But Tony continued before he had a chance to speak, “I know.  I know.  You’re going to say it doesn’t matter what they say because you don’t care about what other people think.”

Peter blinked.  Sometimes Tony’s ability to read his mind scared him.

“I don’t care what people think.” Peter echoed but it didn’t come out quite as strong as he wanted it to.

“I know, but this is a whole different ballgame.  It’s not just some classmates.  It’s going to be the entire world.  Commenting on everything you do.  Criticizing you.  Judging you.  Watching you all the time.  And not as Spiderman.  As Peter Parker.”

“Peter Stark,” he corrected with a shy smile.

Tony’s eyes warmed and he smiled back.  “Right.  As Peter Stark.”  Tony laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  “Trust me.  It’s going to be hard.  Even the strongest people can get worn down when it’s relentless.  And it’s going to be.”

Peter chewed on his bottom lip.  It did sound kind of bad when Tony explained it like that.

“I know you’re good at the whole water off your back thing, but if you’re struggling with it, or you just need to talk, I want you to come to me.  That’s all I ask, ok?  Even if I can’t do anything to fix it, if you’re having a tough time with it, with any of it, I want to know.  Does that sound fair?”

It did.

“Yeah, ok.  I will.” Peter agreed, somewhat scared now as he tried to envision the picture Tony had painted for his life moving forward.

“Alright then.” Tony lifted the hand off his shoulder to give his hair a playful ruffle.  “FRI, play the press conference I gave yesterday.”

“Yes Boss.”

The TV blinked on to the image of Tony walking out to a podium.  It was always a little disconcerting to watch Tony on TV especially when the man himself was sitting right beside him. 

As Peter settled in to watch, Tony slung an arm around him and tugged him closer to his side.  The Tony on the screen opened his mouth to speak, “I have a statement.”

Peter sat on his bed and flipped open his laptop, glancing over at his closed bedroom door.  Even though Tony had given him permission to look, had restored his access to everything, he still felt like he was doing something illicit.  Like Tony was going to burst in and snatch his computer away, which was ridiculous because when Peter had left him a few minutes ago he’d been snoring away, which Peter had chosen to take as evidence that he wasn’t feeling back to normal yet instead of a testament to any lack in the quality of the newest Star Trek movie they’d been watching.

The computer booted up and he clicked on his internet browser icon.  Then he did something he’d never done.  He googled himself.  Peter Stark.  It was weird using his real name.  Sure, he’d googled Spiderman countless times before, but never his civilian name.  Nothing interesting would’ve come of it.  That definitely wasn’t true anymore.

The split second before the results came up, Peter thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.  But he was wrong.  It was bad.  So so bad.  Every single news site had his story right at the top.

Tony Stark adopts orphaned teenager from Queens.

Meet the new heir to Stark Industries: Peter Stark.

From rags to riches, a modern day fairytale for Peter Stark.

Everything you need to know about Tony Stark’s new son.

Teenage whiz kid adopted by Tony Stark.

Ironman’s in a family way.

Peter Parker becomes Peter Stark.

Queens orphan luckiest kid alive?

Plagued by tragedy, orphaned teen rises from the ashes.

“Jeez,” Peter muttered to himself as he scrolled through all of them.  He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t this.  Tony had been right to warn him.  Even if he wanted to, there was no way he could read all these articles.  He clicked on the one at the end and skimmed it.  By the end of it, his stomach was churning.  The journalist had bared his entire life story for the world to read. 

Now everyone would know about how his parents had died, and then his uncle and his aunt.  It felt wrong that it read like a fascinating human interest piece instead of the worst events of his life.  He clicked on another article.  And then another.  And another. 

Most of them were reiterations of the same limited information.  His basic life story, what was available to the public anyway, and how Tony had given him an internship and then adopted him when his last living family member had died.  Some articles were pure conjecture on possible reasons why Tony had adopted him.  Others guessed at what their relationship was like and what kind of dad Tony Stark would make.  Quite a few were actually nice and painted Tony in a good light, while several others claimed Tony had no business adopting anyone, that because he was narcissist or a superhero or a Stark, that he would completely ruin Peter.  Those were his least favorite articles.  Or so he thought.  Until he read one about how lucky he was that his entire family had died which had the cleared the way so he could be adopted by a billionaire.  That article made him want to be sick and his blood boil simultaneously, a completely new sensation for him.  And not a pleasant one.

A buzzing interrupted his thoughts and he looked up from his computer, dazed, as if surfacing for air.  Almost two hours had passed since he’d opened his laptop.  Wow.  And he still didn’t think he’d even put a dent in the information out there.  The buzzing came again and Peter remembered he still hadn’t taken his cellphone off silent from yesterday.  He hadn’t seen the point when Tony had turned it into a brick anyway as soon as he’d gotten home, but it was obviously working again because someone was calling him. 

Peter hopped off his bed and grabbed his phone off the charging port on his desk.  Ned’s named flashed on the screen and he swiped his thumb to answer it.

“Hey.”

“Peter!  Holy shit dude.  I’ve been calling and texting you all day.” Ned said as a greeting.

“Sorry.  Tony took away all my technology privileges yesterday and I just got them back a little while ago.”  

“Why?  Are you in trouble?”

“No.” Peter walked back over to his bed and flopped down on it, staring at the ceiling.  “Nothing like that.  He was just really busy yesterday and didn’t want me on the internet and watching all the news by myself until we’d had a chance to talk.”

“Oh.  I guess that makes sense.”

“Yeah.”

“But still, this is crazy dude.  You’re famous!  You’re like an overnight celebrity!”

“That seems to be about the gist of it.” Peter winced.  He could tell Ned was excited, but he couldn’t muster any similar kind of emotion.  Mainly he just felt anxiety and a looming sense of dread.

“Do you know how many phone calls I’ve gotten today?” Ned asked.

“No.  How many?”

“Like fifty!  Somehow people found out we’re best friends and they all want to interview me!”

“Oh.” Peter frowned.  He should’ve thought of that.  “I’m sorry they’re bothering you.  Are you, uh, are you going to do it?”

“What?  Are you insane?  Of course not!  I’d never betray you like that.  No matter how much money they’re offering me.  I’m your guy in the chair.” Ned said with utmost sincerity.

Peter blew out a breath in relief.  Ned really was the best friend a guy could ask for.  “I know.  Wait.  Did you say something about money?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry about it dude.” Ned tried to blow it off.

“They want to give you money?  Just to talk about me?  How much?”

There was uncomfortable silence over the phone and Peter knew his friend was squirming as he tried to decide what to say.

“Just tell me.” He insisted.

“Not that much.” Ned said, but it wasn’t an answer.  “Seriously, don’t worry about it.  They could offer me a million dollars and I wouldn’t even blink.”

Peter smiled.  “I know.  You’re the best Ned.”

“Just promise me you’re still going to Comic-Con with me this summer.”

“Oh man.” Peter groaned.  He’d almost forgotten about their earlier conversation about that.  “I’m going to ruin Comic-Con for us.  It’s going to be so crazy if I go now.”

“Don’t worry.  We’ll figure it out.  We can dress you up as someone with a helmet.  Or I can be your bodyguard if you need me to be.  I’ll practice my imposing faces.  Or just try to channel the look Happy always gives you.  That’d probably work well enough.” Ned joked.

Peter laughed, feeling lighter for the first time since he’d walked out his school doors yesterday.  “You’re probably right.  Thanks man.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Peter kept staring at the ceiling tile cracks as the conversation hit a comfortable lull.

“Hey, uh, do you want me to come over?  I could bring some video games?  Or a Lego set?” Ned offered.

“That’d be awesome, but I’m not in the city.” Peter sighed.  “Tony took me up to the compound yesterday.  I think he thinks it’s safer or something.”

“Oh.  That sucks man.” Ned said and Peter could tell he meant it.

“Yeah.”

“So when are you coming back?”

“I don’t know.  Hopefully in a week.  We just talked about it this morning.  Tony wants to give everything some time to die down before I go back.”

“Ok.” Ned let out his own.  “I guess a week’s not so bad.”

Peter hummed.

“Um, and uh, how are you doing with all this?” Ned asked.

“I’ve been better.” Peter answered honestly.

“I’m sorry.”

“I mean it almost doesn’t seem real, but at the same time it’s like my life is imploding?” Peter said with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah…I know things might seem kind of not so great right now, but it’s going to be ok.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah man.” Ned said, turning more solemn.  “I mean sure it sucks that everyone knows you’re Peter Stark now, but at least they didn’t find out you’re ‘you know who’, right?  And now you don’t need to hide your relationship with Tony anymore so that’s kind of nice in a way.  And compared to everything else you’ve already been through, this probably doesn’t even rank in the top five bad things to ever happen to you in your life.  So, if you think of it that way, maybe it’s not so bad?”

Peter let out an amused huff as he ran a hand through his hair.  “Yeah or maybe it just says something about how shitty my life has been,” he joked, but before Ned could respond, he added, “No, you’re right.  Things could be way worse.  Things have been way worse.”

“See?  That’s the spirit.”

“Thanks man.” Peter said.

“Hey, whatever I can do to help.  I’m here for you.”

“I know you are.  And it means a lot.  Really.”

Someone knocked on his door.  “Dinner time pipsqueak.” Clint announced before walking away back toward the kitchen.

“Oh, hey, I got to go.  Can I call you back later?” He asked, feeling bad that he couldn’t give his best friend more time when he was being so great.

“Sure.  I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok.  And seriously, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Bye.”

He hung up the phone with a sigh, more relieved than aggrieved now that he’d talked to Ned.  His friend was right.  It was all about perspective.  He’d dealt with the death of his parents, his uncle, and most recently his aunt.  He’d gotten bit by a radioactive spider and almost died, only to survive with new superpowers.  He’d had a building dropped on him and survived a plane crash.  He’d been kidnapped by the Secretary of State, gotten shot and almost died.  Compared to all of that, this should be a walk in the park, but for some reason, he couldn’t make himself completely believe it.

[tallmantall]

James Donaldson on Mental Health - How employers can help prevent suicide

Mike McCarthy Mike McCarthy brought his campaign for suicide awareness, support and prevention to number 10, Downing Street - My charity has collaborated with HR directors, academics and others to create the Workplace Pledge for suicide prevention in the workplace. I have the best and the worst of reasons to support improvements in mental health provision. My son asked me to do just this, in a letter he wrote minutes before he took his own life. Ross was just 31 when he left the farewell letter saying goodbye to his family and friends.   I’m interested in doing, rather than endless talking and empty promises about suicide prevention. Talking about suicide prevention has done nothing to stop the rot in UK mental health services and the stagnation in suicide figures for more than 15 years.  Expert clinicians see suicide as preventable. But everyone has a part to play – employers as much as anyone. That’s why the charity I helped to form following my son’s death, Baton Of Hope, will, in just a few weeks’ time, publicly launch the Workplace Pledge.    For more than a year, health professionals, HR directors, business leaders and academics have been working on the pledge, which we believe can become a kitemark of best practice in suicide prevention in the workplace.    Why do we need such a pledge? Well, first, ask yourself: how many of your colleagues would ask for a mental health day? Evidence points to a huge swathe of people who feel that they cannot be open with their employer about the true cause of their absence.   A YouGov poll shows that 63% of workers who have taken time off for mental health reasons have not been honest about their reasons for taking time off work. Bosses are in a unique position to create a sea change by signing up to the measures outlined in our pledge.   If people are scared of being negatively judged about their mental wellbeing, chances are that they won’t and don’t speak about it. Maybe this is one of the reasons why suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50, and women under 35, in the UK. It is the biggest killer, despite the fact that most clinical experts agree that it is almost always preventable.    So how do we prevent it? Maybe the first step is to openly acknowledge it for the crisis that it is, and do something about it. We’ve all heard of Stand Up to Cancer. Maybe we should also stand up to suicide.   At Baton of Hope, we believe our pledge is the most comprehensive programme to date that helps employers play their part in the universal responsibility to save lives through suicide prevention. Our pledge has six principles for suicide support and prevention in the workplace:  - Make suicide awareness, support and prevention a workplace priority.  - Use clear and consistent messaging about suicide for internal communication and induction training.  - Implement suicide prevention, early detection and supportive services.  - Embrace those with ‘lived experience’ of mental ill health or suicide.  - Promote crisis services and other resources providing suicide prevention advice, counselling, training and support.  - Promote the pledge to increase suicide awareness, support and prevention.  #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleFind out more about the work I do on my 501c3 non-profit foundationwebsite www.yourgiftoflife.org Order your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife: From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Link for 40 Habits Signupbit.ly/40HabitsofMentalHealth If you'd like to follow and receive my daily blog in to your inbox, just click on it with Follow It. Here's the link https://follow.it/james-donaldson-s-standing-above-the-crowd-s-blog-a-view-from-above-on-things-that-make-the-world-go-round?action=followPub No one is immune from suicide. It can affect any individual, any family, any friend or colleague. The important bit is what to do… and Baton of Hope can help with that. As the name suggests, we believe there are many reasons to be hopeful.  I’ll be introducing the Workplace Pledge at the Baton of Hope conference on 16 May, along with a host of speakers including the commentator Alastair Campbell and the president of the International Association for Suicide Prevention, Rory O’Connor. Tickets are on sale here.  Ross was the best son a dad could have wished for. I wish, when I lost my son, I knew what I know now.   Baton of Hope is working on behalf of the countless thousands who will never see their loved ones again. Together, we can do so much to make sure that others don’t go through the same nightmare.  Read the full article

[ticondenegro]

the worst part about being an artist, or aspiring at least is knowing that heartbreak and trauma and fucked up shit can always be painted, collaged, photographed, and poem’d.

always. in my fucked up trauma brain i’m thinking of ways to get over and through. i’m thinking of ripping up pictures and modge podge-ing. i’m writing poems. i’m art-ing my way through this.

not entirely though. to create art i think you have to have some sort of fuel. something to keep you going. my sophomore biology teacher, who i’m pretty sure is now fired or quit for shady and predatory ass business, quoting his mother quite often. in between learning of mitosis and punnett squares he used to say “eat pasta, swim fasta”. i think he was a swim coach or something? i’m not sure. but he definitely swam when he was younger. he looked, and probably still looks like, Ross from Friends. and he was just as arrogant. sometimes at least.

anyway, not to quote Daniel, or his mother rather, but i have no fuel. no pasta. no pasta=no fuel. no fuel=no art. vincent van gogh was said to have cut off his ear and mail it to his lover. this was during a mental breakdown of sorts. now am i excusing this behavior? no of course not. who would want a bloody ear in their fucking mail? but what should be said is, had van gogh eaten a bit of pasta, *googles pasta dishes of the 1800s*, maybe he would have had some energy to create art and not cut off his ear. of course this theory is maybe a bit problematic. after all, one doesn’t need much energy to do this, just, i don’t know, a lack of care for one’s ear. that doesn’t take much i would say.

but at least for me, how the fuck does one create art when there is nothing left in the till? i do suppose some of the best art is created with nothing. love lost. money lost. last bit of paint remaining, resulting in the usage of crushed up berries stolen from your neighbors garden. but see! these are examples for other people. everyone else can create! everyone else can rise with the sun and i fail every time. i cry not because i have everything, but because i have nothing. or at least very little. poems i will say are easy for me. it requires very little. just diseased thoughts in my brain and then regurgitated on an iphone screen, onto my notes app, or this lovely site. but other art, created WITH my hands….that doesn’t really exist.