#just sent me for more bloodwork

[nintendc64]

who else tired of it all

[supercantaloupe]

doctors offices make it their life's work to be nearly impossible to actually contact them i swear to gd.

[bestofmultiverse]

Between the pages || 4

Aubrey plaza x fem!reader

"It’s hard to save people from themselves. But if they’re willing to try, it’s worth the risk.”

- Paperweight by Meg Haston

A/N : this part talks about mental health, i don't know if its on triggering level but it was important for me to let yall know.

Got inspired by my trip to the ER today because of anxiety attack that left me feeling like i was literally dying. Im okay, conveniently had a therapy session as well afterwards so had a pretty rough day- but pushing trough it 🤍

I love you guys hope you will like this one x

1 • 2 • 3 • 5

When Aubrey stormed into the ER, she wasn’t sure what she was more furious about: the fact that her girlfriend hadn’t told her she was there or the casually infuriating way she explained it when she finally did.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” her girlfriend had said with a weak shrug, as if chest pain and difficulty breathing were minor inconveniences she could brush off.

“Didn’t want to bother me?” Aubrey had echoed, disbelief flaring in her voice.

The younger woman, seated in one of those awful plastic chairs, simply nodded, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. “It’s not the first time,” she added lightly.

That had nearly sent Aubrey over the edge, but then her anger had crumbled the moment she took in her girlfriend’s slumped posture, the way her hands trembled slightly in her lap. The fight in her drained away, replaced by a deep, aching worry.

Without a word, Aubrey knelt in front of her and wrapped her arms around her tightly. Her girlfriend stiffened for a moment before her shoulders sagged, and tears, born of frustration and weariness, spilled from her tired brown eyes.

“You scared the hell out of me,” Aubrey murmured against her temple, her voice breaking.

“I’m sorry,” came the hoarse reply.

“What did the doctor say?” Aubrey asked after a beat.

“Nothing yet. It’s been two hours since they checked me, so I guess that’s a good sign,” her girlfriend said, trying for humor, but the weak smile didn’t reach her eyes.

Aubrey frowned and brushed a stray strand of hair from her girlfriend’s face. “What made you come in today?”

Her girlfriend hesitated, looking down at her hands. “A coworker noticed I was struggling and told my supervisor. They basically forced me to come.”

Aubrey’s heart clenched at the thought of her being too stubborn—or scared—to seek help on her own. “I’m sorry that happened, baby.”

“It’s not your fault,” her girlfriend said softly, shaking her head.

Aubrey pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Still. I wish you’d told me sooner.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Aubrey sighed, her thumb tracing comforting circles over her girlfriend’s hand. “I’m going to talk to the nurse and see what’s going on.”

Her girlfriend grabbed her wrist, her grip surprisingly firm. “Please don’t make a scene. They’re doing their best.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Aubrey said with a small smile. “But I’m not just going to sit here while you suffer.”

She stood and approached the front desk, her patience already worn thin. “Excuse me,” she said, keeping her tone calm but firm. “My girlfriend’s been waiting for two hours with chest pain and trouble breathing. Is there any way to get an update?”

The nurse didn’t even glance up. “It takes time,” she said dismissively.

“I understand that,” Aubrey replied, clenching her jaw. “But is there any way to know how much time?”

Before the nurse could respond, a doctor appeared in the doorway, clipboard in hand. “Y/N?” she called out.

Relief washed over Aubrey as she hurried back to her girlfriend. “Come on,” she said gently, helping her to her feet.

They followed the doctor into an exam room, and Aubrey stayed close, her hand never leaving her girlfriend’s.

“After running several tests, we didn’t find anything concerning,” the doctor began, offering a reassuring smile. “Your heart and lungs are healthy, and your bloodwork came back normal.”

Aubrey’s girlfriend nodded slowly, her expression conflicted.

“So what’s causing this?” Aubrey asked, her tone carefully measured.

The doctor hesitated before answering. “It seems to be psychological—likely a panic attack.”

Aubrey’s girlfriend let out a bitter laugh. “Figures.”

“It’s more common than you think,” the doctor said gently. “There’s nothing physically wrong with you, which is good news. But I’d recommend following up with a therapist to explore potential triggers and coping strategies.”

“Right,” her girlfriend muttered as she stood, grabbing her bag. “So, I’m crazy. Got it.”

“You’re not crazy,” Aubrey said firmly, standing as well and pulling her into a hug. She held her close, one hand cradling the back of her head as her girlfriend let out a shaky breath against her shoulder.

“Thank you, doctor,” Aubrey said softly before leading her girlfriend out of the hospital.

The drive home was quiet, the radio turned off at her girlfriend’s request. When they reached Aubrey’s apartment—a place that had gradually become their shared home—they settled on the couch, the silence stretching between them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aubrey asked after a while. “No pressure, but… I’m here.”

Her girlfriend pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. “It’s just… stuff. Work’s been rough, and… other things too.”

“Other things?” Aubrey prompted gently.

Her girlfriend hesitated. “It started about five months ago.”

Aubrey froze. Five months ago—the same time the media had started dissecting their relationship, plastering their faces across magazines and social media.

Her girlfriend must have noticed the look on her face because she quickly added, “This isn’t your fault, Aubrey. Please don’t think that.”

Aubrey shook her head. “I should’ve protected you from all of that.”

“You couldn’t have. I chose this. I chose you,” her girlfriend said, her voice trembling. “And I’d choose you again. Every time.”

Aubrey pulled her into her arms, kissing her temple. “I’d choose you too. Always.” She paused, stroking her girlfriend’s hair. “But I think we need help—someone who can help us make sense of this.”

Her girlfriend looked up at her, confused.

“I’m talking about therapy,” Aubrey said gently. “For you, if you want it. And maybe for us. Together.”

Her girlfriend frowned. “You think we need couples therapy?”

“I think it’s worth trying,” Aubrey said honestly. “You were scared to tell me what you’ve been going through, and I can’t stop blaming myself for what you’ve been feeling. I don’t want either of us to carry that alone.”

Her girlfriend sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I’ll think about it,” she said quietly.

“That’s all I’m asking,” Aubrey said, kissing her hand.

After a moment, her girlfriend stood. “I need a bath. I feel gross.”

“Want company?” Aubrey offered with a small smile.

Her girlfriend nodded. “Yeah. I don’t want to be alone.”

Aubrey followed her into the bathroom, and they sank into the warm, bubble-filled tub together, with a book of y/n's choice as their worries temporarily melting away in the comfort of each other’s arms.

[russellsppttemplates]

Not anymore (Lando Norris)

Lando's determined to make you see where you belong

Note: english is not my first language. I hope this is still enjoyable to read as I really challenged myself with these pieces! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me)! This is part 2 of We don't fit together ! Edit: I used a line from dumplingsjinson (they're the best 🫶✨️)

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions reader's insecurities about herself and about her relationship with Lando, curse words, bloodwork

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

Part 1

The past couple of days were strange. Lando still sent you his usual good morning and good night texts he would send whenever you didn't spend the night together, and you replied. Still, because of your schedule and his schedule, the text for the dreaded conversation came through only this morning

From Lan

Needed to get my bloods done and then Jon also needed a physical assessment so this morning was a rush, but I'm free for the rest of the day if you want to talk, lovie

To Lan

I'll be home for the whole day, you can come here whenever it's best for you!

Tidying the place up a bit, the thoughts on your head kept the same train of ideas. You didn't fit his lifestyle, and the constant doubts you felt were certainly not the way you wanted to go about your life.

There was a knock on the door when you were fluffing the pillows and you walked up to open it, see Lando with somewhat dark circles under his eyes and a bunch of your favourite flowers, "Come in", you said softly as you both headed to the living room, sitting down since you didn't know what else to do.

"Thank you for texting, there was this part of me that didn't believe you would", you admitted. This was the time to be honest, still remaining polite and aware of the words leaving your mouth.

"Of course I did, Y/N, I want us to talk this out, I want us out of this rough patch", Lando pleaded softly, "I'm so sorry for not noticing you were feeling like this", he offered, cutting through the silence when you seemed to not know what to say to kick-start the conversation.

"It's not your fault, Lando", you spoke the truth, "you have been on my mind every conscious second, every thought is about this and I- I really don't know how we will do this, how we will do that", you pointed to him in allusion to the goal he had, "I'm sorry".

Lando gulped, rubbing his hands on his thighs before speakingup, "I did too, and I want you to know I just want you to be happy, fuck, there's nothing I want more in life than to see you happy, and right now it pains me that I am the one that's making you hurt", he let his heart out.

"It's not only your fault", you whispered again, this time looking at him. Your insecurities were just that - your own - and you were responsible from how certain triggers made you feel and react, "I have to be the one to know how to deal with these".

"And I want to help you, lovie, you don't have to do this all alone all the time", Lando offered, "I want us to work and this is a conjoined effort - you shouldn't be doing that alone".

Silence filled the room as the gears turned in your head before you looked up again, seeing the broken look on Lando's face, "Do you think we should take a break? Spend some time away from eachother?", you voiced.

Lando didn't expect the option you suggested. Spending time further apart didn't seem like the right thing to do when you were obviously feeling like you didn't fit in and belong in his life, "are you sure that's the way to go? We'll do what you feel the most comfortable and happy with, but I don't want you to feel like I want you away or that you have to keep away from me - I want you with me for as much time as you can give me".

"It's silly, I know - I've never done this before, I don't know what to do", you shrugged your shoulders. Usually, by the time any insecurities shone through, your past partners had already left.

Lando sighed, "If that is what you think is going to help I'm all in, Y/N. I'll do anything to prove to you that I'm serious about this, but I'm giving up on us, I'm going to fight for you", Lando stated as tears started forming in his eyes, keeping them at bay because this wasn't the end. It couldn't be.

"I'm going to show you just how much you belong with me and how well we fit together, okay?", he checked with you, seeing a small nod, the uncertainty behind it only fueling him to put all his efforts into it.

.

"I wanted to do something we haven't done in a while", Lando said over the phone as he packed the tupperwares into the basket.

"Yes? And what would that be?", you asked. Lando kept a respectful distance but he made sure that everyday that you didn't spend together, you knew he was thinking about you and doing all these little things to remind you of how much he loved you and how you were meant to be together.

"I'm not going to tell you because it's a surprise, but I need to warn you to bring comfortable shoes, and as much as I love your little dresses, anything without a skirt would be better", you heard him smile.

"Okay, anywhere I should go to?", you wondered, "I'll pick you up in about thirty minutes if that's okay?", he quesioned, getting a positive answer from you, "see you soon, beautiful girl, I love you!".

Lando finished packing the picnic basket, getting the napkins and the drinks from the fridge so he could go to his bedroom and get ready.

He planned a fun afternoon, starting with a cycle around the city before finishing with a picnic in the park as he knew it was one of your favourite things. He had come up with many of your favourite plans to do together lately and he was feeling good about it. There was nothing he wanted more than to show you that you fit together and that both of your lives could compliment eachother if you both made adjustments. He was going out less than he used to and favouring to spend that time with you, he made sure you knew he was there and that he wasn't planning on leaving.

Finding a t-shirt and some jeans, he got two buckets hats from the new Quadrant Spring collection they would be launching soon and got ready to leave the apartment.

The drive to your wasn't long, but he never knew with the after lunch traffic, finding a good spot for his car and seeing you already at the entrance of the building, checking the street before crossing it, "hey, Lan", you smiled as you got inside the vehicle, kissing his cheek softly as he drove out of the spot once you had your seatbelt on, "hey, baby, how has your day been?".

"It's good, better now that I'm getting out of the house with some very nice company", you smiled.

The park wasn't too far, and when Lando parked near the rental city bikes with a smirk on his face, you knew what he wanted to do for the afternoon, "we're cycling?", you beamed.

"Yes! I also have some snacks here for a picnic later", Lando got the basket from the cartrunk, carrying it to the bike and making sure it was safely attached to it, scanning the code for his bike and then yours.

"Wait", he said as you were making sure the seat was at the right height, cycling around the area. Fishing out the bucket hat from the basket, he shook it a little so it would have a nice shape before putting it on your head, kissing your lips softly as he looked at you, "these are new and I needed my prettiest model to try them on first", he charmed as you blushed, "plus, I don't want the sun to blind you or burn you".

You cycled around your favourite spots in town, Lando occasionally taking pictures of the city and you with his camera and waving at the odd person who noticed and recognised it was him and you on the bikes, before you returned to the park, deciding to cycle to your favourite spot by the old big trees, blossoming from the spring sun.

"Thank you for this", you mumbled as you wiped your lips free of crumbs from the cake you had.

"Y/N, I won't stop fighting for us when we have something worth fighting for", he smiled, pulling you to lay on the blanket with him and holding your hands between your bodies, "I also got this really cool invite for the new exhibition at the museum - that one you wanted to see - and you want to know why it is so cool? Because we get the exhibition all to ourselves, no one else is going to be there which means you can take as long as you want and I can admire you all to myself and all I want too", he kissed your cheek.

"Sounds like a nice plan, thank you", you kissed his jaw.

.

You scanned your paddock pass as walked in the directions you were giving, not wanting to mess up the schedule and the lined up events everyone had.

They had been experimenting with new events to promote motorsport, adding parties and sunset events to the race weekend on order to gather all of the sponsors, famous people and fans who were interested in seeing the behind the scenes of a luxurious and extravagant race weekend.

"Everyone who still doesn't have a bracelet can come through here, please", one of the women in black suits called as you stood in that line, waiting for you turn.

"Here you go, enjoy the party!", she smiled, letting you go through and carrying on with her tasks.

The section involving the paddock, pitlane and the starting grid decorated with lights over bars serving drinks while staff went around with trays with small canapés.

You supposed this did work or they wouldn't try it out, after all it was an expensive sport and the more investors and sponsors they got, the better, so every little interaction and publicity was welcomed. You recognised a lot for the faces from Instagram and other social media platforms, along with some of the sponsors you had spent races sitting next to in the garage.

The face you wanted to see the most was nowhere in sight as you saw Oscar and Zak in the distance, talking to someone you recognised being one of their sponsors.

When you stepped closer to the area where most drivers seemed to be hanging out, you spotted Lando and he spotted you.

It had been nearly a year since you called it quits. It wasn't working for you and no matter how much Lando tried and fought for your relationship, you still didn't feel comfortable and thought you'd be better without eachother. It wasn't easy and to this day it would probably be one of your biggest regrets.

Maybe today you'd get to ease that heavy feeling in your chest.

Lando knew a lot of people would be there tonight, but your face wasn't one he expected. Last thing he heard about you was that you had made a small career switch and started working with another company, so he figured you were probably invited through one of the people with deep pockets wanting to invest in motorsport, knowing how it always looks nice on the company to invite employees to these fixtures.

As he saw his father and Max walk up to where you were, he walked in your direction, hoping to divert them so they wouldn't see you, another person pulled him with him to the side for a photo and it became impossible for him to not notice you and the other way around.

“It’s been… It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?”, you spoke up when you locked eyes and stood close enough to eachother.

"Yes, it has", Lando stated, "how have you been?", he wondered.

"I've been okay, and I see you have been doing well too - the car looks great this year", you congratulated, "I've been meaning to text you because I wanted to talk", you tried.

It took you some time to work on your insecurities, to learn to feel uncomfortable in some situations and get yourself out of them, and now you felt ready to begin again, feeling comfortable in your own skin.

"What did you want to tell me? You can tell me here", he stated coldly.

To say you broke his heart would be an understatement.

Despite all of his efforts, stopping DJ'ing, being conscious of who he hung out with, making sure he spent as much time with you as he could, you still raised concerns about how you were like oil and water.

Not made to be together.

"This really isn't the best place", you looked around as he pulled you inside the McLaren garage that was just on the side, exchanging a look with the security guard that was making sure no one broke in without permission.

"Is it good here now?", he offered.

"It will have to do", you smiled, "I'm sorry things didn't work out before - I wasn't in a good place and things weren't working out the way I'd like", you offered, "and I feel better now".

"Let me stop you right there before this gets out of hand and I hurt you, because I have never wanted that and I don't want it now", Lando said sternly, catching you off guard, "making peace with the fact that we weren't going to work out together was one of the hardest things I've done - I was miserable, didn't enjoy racing or anything that I was doing because I didn't have you by my side - you left me when I needed you", he poured his heart out.

He didn't shout and he didn't yell, but every word stung. Both from how true they were and how he had hurt because of you.

"I'm sorry, Lando, I wasn't trying to diminish how you felt then", you clarified.

"I know you didn't, but this isn't how it works, fuck", he rubbed his temple, "You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and think that I’d be okay with it - I waited so long for you, and I wanted to wait longer if you had let me, but now I can't do that, not anymore", he stated firmly.

"Are you saying we don't have another chance?", you asked as your bottom lip wobbled, "I promise I'll be more open about how I feel, and second guessing wo-".

“You were it at one point, you know?”, Lando shook his head as he looked at his feet before looking up back at you, "my parents, Max, Carlos - everyone agreed with me when I said you were my endgame", he offered.

There had been a time where he wished for this. For you to come to him and tell him you wanted him back and how it had all been a mistake. Now that he was hearing it, he realised he didn't want it, not anymore.

[steepwysdom]

THIS IS MYSTICDRAGONI

COMMISSIONS OPEN. $5 A SKETCH, ANYTHING HELPS!! THIS IS TO HELP PAY MEDICAL BILLS!

Ko-fi - PayPal

August 9th I had my wisdom teeth removed $2,000

August 19th I moved 10 hours from home to a college program

August 25th my jaw hurt.

August 26th I’m in the ER for an infection, I was sick, my left cheek was swollen, cold chest and shaking violently. $30 in prescribed medication + $166.63 visit

August 27th I’m at an oral clinic who won’t help me but charged me $255 for a X-ray. Sent me back to ER for a CT scan.

August 28th my mom surprises me after work, she drove 10 hours down here without telling me, met up with me as I got off the bus and I just broke down crying. She took me to the ER this time and I got the CT scan they wanted, more antibiotics.. $2,500 charge.

August 29th we find a surgeon. My paycheck from last week’s work was $125.

August 30th I have a $1,200 surgery to have the infection removed.

So my total amount of money spent in less than a month is: $7,951 … not even including my moving fees/apartment but I paid that myself.

the reason I am telling you this is because my parents are tight on money and I have been spending a lot of it due to my medical bills, and unfortunately surgery today made me loose 14hrs worth of work.

I NEED YOUR HELP! I AM WILLING TO DRAW WHAT EVER YOU WOULD LIKE! NO RULES EXCEPT YOUR RESULTS LOOK LIKE THIS!

SHARING HELPS TOO! THANK YOU FOR ANYTHING & EVERYTHING!

SHADED OR UNSHADED, PRICE DOES NOT CHANGE. $5

Here’s proof of my medical emergency:

Before vs after

Bloodwork x2 + anesthesia & antibiotics

[pedrospatch]

hello again 💕 first off, thank you anyone and eveyone who sent me and my baby girl cleo love and well wishes. we’ve been at the animal hospital for about 4 hours now.

she has acute kidney disease, but her prognosis isn’t poor. however, they need to keep her for 2 days, do more bloodwork and have her on iv fluids. at the beginning of the consultation i paid $970USD out of pocket, and by the time her bloodwork was done and she was was diagnosed, the bill ended up at $1639.87USD

i pretty much spent my entire paycheck tonight and then some.

like most others, i hate to have to do this, but i’m in a bit of a tight place. i know many of us are, so there’s no pressure but i made a kofi seeking a bit of help if anyone is able to. i’m looking to raise some money for the rest of this month’s bills which total to about $150.00

when i get home i will reblog with proof of what i spent at the vet as the bill is being emailed to me.

again, i know it’s hard times for a lot of us, but even just a boost would be so helpful.

💕 vee

update 07/20/2024

[sickly-qt]

I'm Okay

Sorry I've been gone, I got hit with a case of The Big Sad.

I'm better now, kinda. But Drew and Finn creeped into my little brain today and wouldn't leave so here you go! The aftermath of this fic. There's no emeto in this one, just fluff.

~~~

Drew was sitting with her knees to her chest, picking at the pilling of Finn’s sweater that was draped over her legs. She was no longer nauseous and some color had returned to her face thanks to some intravenous fluids and antiemetics, but she was exhausted.

She had sent Finn to get her something small to eat now that she felt that she could keep something down, but she also wanted him to be doing something other than sitting and anxiously tapping his foot on the linoleum while they both waited for the doctor. 

“Alright, I have chicken tenders, fries and a mint chocolate chip milkshake.” Finn said, fumbling through the privacy curtain with his hands full of food.

“Thanks,” Drew mumbled, pushing herself up to take the food from Finn. “Did you get anything for yourself?” 

“Uh, no.” He sat down in the plastic chair next to the bed and leaned back, running his hands through his hair, leg right back to bouncing, his heel tapping on the floor. “I’m alright, did the doctor come in at all while I was gone?” 

She opened up the containers the food was in and nudged it toward him then leaned back sipping on her milkshake, “No, a nurse came in and stole some of my blood, but that’s it. I’m not going to eat all of this, you should have some.”

Finn sighed and shook his head, “I’m not hungry, eating would probably just make me sick if I’m being completely honest with you.” He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, fidgeting with his cuticles, one knee still bouncing.

Drew moved everything to the weird bed table and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, grabbing his hands, noticing the irritation his picking was causing. 

“Stop that,” she kept one hand on his and moved the other to his face, making him look at her, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just- You scared me. I’ll feel a lot better once we know you’re okay and we’re home.”

“I’m okay, Finn. Look at me, I’m okay. I drank like half of that milkshake and I’m not even nauseous.”

Before Finn had a chance to respond, a tiny Asian woman in scrubs threw the curtain open with a huge smile on her face “Hi, I’m Dr. Lee. I’m going to be talking to you about your baby today, and giving you a quick ultrasound just to make sure everything is in tiptop shape before we get you out of here.” She said, reading through Drew’s charts, “How are we feeling? Are the meds helping?”

“Uh, yeah. I feel a lot better actually.” Drew responded, settling back into the hospital bed. 

“Awesome, great. So obviously morning sickness is very normal, but being sick to the point of passing out due to dehydration is not. It says here on your intake that you’ve been experiencing pretty severe symptoms but this is the first time that it’s gotten this bad?”

Drew nodded, “Yeah, this has never happened before”

“Okay, well judging from your bloodwork you’re at least 9 weeks along which is typically where morning sickness peaks. We’re going to get a look at the baby in a couple to get a better idea of where exactly you’re at but most likely the worst is behind you. I will warn you though that sometimes women experience some kind of morning sickness the entirety of their pregnancy, I unfortunately can’t guarantee that won’t be you… But! we will be getting you set up with some anti-nausea meds and antiemetics to hopefully stop something like this from happening again.” Dr. Lee craned her head around Drew to look at Finn, “You okay over there, Dad?”

He had resumed his position, elbows on knees, picking at his hands, “Huh? Yeah, I’m okay just- listening.”

Drew knew that something more was up but that was something to be unpacked not in the emergency room while she was hooked up to a million machines.

“Okay.” She clapped, “If we’re ready, we’ll get the ultrasound out of the way and then get you out of here.”

Drew wasn’t expecting to feel as odd as she did, when she had to lift her shirt for the doctor to smear a weird jelly on her stomach. She looked over at Finn who must’ve felt her eyes and looked up at her before standing and sitting halfway on the bed next to her, grabbing her hand.

She wasn’t expecting to be scared. She didn’t actually think there was a weird alien inside of her but until now she didn’t have any confirmation that there wasn’t. She was really hoping everything was okay.

Dr. Lee was silent as she moved the wand around Drew’s stomach which only fed Drew’s anxiety. Then just as quickly as the thought entered her mind a smile broke on the doctor’s face.

“There we go.” She turned the screen to face Drew and Finn. “A perfect little baby.” She went on to point out all the little parts of a little person but both Finn and Drew were frozen. Their situation suddenly very real.

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” Dr. Lee asked.

Drew opened her mouth to answer but her voice got stuck in her throat.

“Yes. Yeah, we would, please.” Finn said from her side. 

Drew gasped when the doctor turned a small knob in the monitor and a steady beat filled the tiny little alcove that in that moment was just theirs.

“We’re having a baby.” Drew whispered.

“We’re having a baby.” Finn repeated, pressing a kiss into her temple. 

[boxerbeans]

TW: pet death

Hey guys. I know I don’t post very often. I don’t even know how to start this other than that Joe died unexpectedly this morning and it’s devastating.

My sister took him to the ER last night because he had a seizure then was acting lethargic/in pain/had pale gums. They had just thought it was a sprain but the vet did bloodwork and his RBCs were critically low. The vet told them it was either cancer or that he ingested something toxic, and knowing that Joe has pancreatitis and my sister and BIL watch his access to food like a hawk I had a feeling it was the former. They took him 2 internal med specialists before the vet said it was likely a tumor on his spleen that ruptured and my sister/BIL opted to not do a splenectomy. My sister was calling me the entire time and asking for advice and it just…sucked? To know what the answer likely would be but to know that they would want to truly know the cause (as would I, even knowing what the likely outcome would be regardless). Especially because my sister is 6 months along with their first and they were super excited to introduce Joe to the baby since he adores kids. And now he’s gone.

She’s been MIA for most of the day aside from announcing it to the family but I know she’s processing it - she sent a picture to us of shortly before/after he passed. I’m also in this weird spot where I’m grieving him too, I lived with him until he was like four and then I practically lived at my sister’s apartment with him for another year or two, plus of course I see him constantly because my sister is my best friend and he’s Taylor’s dad. I love him. I was his third favorite person, behind my sister and BIL of course. I literally just saw him on Saturday when we had a family day painting the nursery and he was acting completely normal including playing with Taylor and begging for human food. But also I’m the one having to explain to everyone about what exactly happened medically and helping them process that there was nothing to be done. The only one I’ve been able to grieve to is Ian which is…not fun. I’ve been barely holding it together at work.

I’m just so so worried about my sister. She’d have a hard time with this normally, much less with her being so excited for her baby boys to meet. And I want to make her feel better but it seems like she just wants space. I’m going to give them a few days then see if I can drop off eggs this weekend and go see them. I also know the next time she sees Taylor isn’t gonna be easy cause now she’s all that Liz has left of her two favorite dogs. We had even just been discussing how Joe was her heart dog.

And I’m also worried about Taylor. She’s officially the same age as her mom was when Sandy passed from kidney disease and she has about a year and a half to be Joe’s age. Luckily she hasn’t had any seizures, which both Joe and Sandy started having by this age. All her bloodwork values are good aside from a consistently elevated ALP that our normal vet thinks is just “her normal.” This has definitely cemented my desire to get Taylor’s liver checked by ultrasound before accepting that though. I really hope we don’t find anything and that the specialist isn’t worried. Even if we do find something “early” or if we do annual ultrasounds, if it’s the same cancer as Joe’s then it’s just a ticking time bomb that we can’t really do anything about. But of course she’s still a little hellion that doesn’t act like any nine-year-old dog I know.

At least Joe got to see everyone (minus Chief and Bandit) this last weekend. And he got to see Chief and Bandit the weekend before on Memorial Day. I just wish we’d known.

I’m not ready yet, I just want at least 3 more years with her.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Trying not to be frustrated that it's been 5 hours since I was admitted and 2 hours since I was explicitly told I would be getting a surgical consult and nobody's here to talk to me yet so I still have no idea when this (again!! Emergency!!) surgery is happening.

I would probably have more patience about this if it weren't for the fact that I'm back in literally the exact same hospital that sent me home two days ago saying they were pretty sure the organ that is infected and needs to be removed was perfectly fine and I just had a really bad case of heartburn. If I hadn't followed up with the specialist (first words out of his mouth were "I can see your scan results, why didn't they order xxx follow up test to clarify the results? I've scheduled one for tomorrow and I'm also redoing your bloodwork.") I might have just gone on thinking it was "heartburn" and wondering why the fucking prilosec script wasn't doing fuck all.

I genuinely don't understand what the holdup is. My doctor ordered surgery. The ER doctor confirmed that they were doing surgery. Why the fuck is no one telling me when I'm going into surgery? Is my losing streak with the surgeon's knife just meant to be a *fun and jazzy surprise*???

[riftdancing]

So... It's my Birthday.

I would usually post about this on my personal blog, but I'm going to touch basis here instead since it does have some relation to my XIV blog at the end. First of all, if you've sent me a well wish for my birthday, you're amazing. Thank you. Each one of them so far has been incredibly heartwarming and while I ask nothing of anyone today... heartwarming is extra welcome because I am going through it right now.

Yesterday we took my 4 month old kitten, Ozzie, to the vet for his last set of vaccinations until next year. It went great! Little man is an absolute king. I've never seen such a brave and curious little cat. The car ride was zero stress for him. Not a single peep, just curiously watching the country side go by mid tongue bath. I've never seen a cat so blaise about a car ride. He was the same way at the vet office. Once out of his carrier and in the exam room he'd bound up to meet the staff and greet them with tail high and perked ears. In hindsight, after the experience, my partner and I have realized he'd probably make a great adventure cat, so we will likely be looking into harness and leash training very soon.

What I wasn't expecting, was returning home to find my cat (and emotional support animal) not acting like herself and showing me all the signs she'd fallen ill with something. She is my baby. My comfort, my emotional rock. The amount of emotional understanding and empathy she's shown me in the first four years of her life still astounds me more and more everyday. ...But Sootie and I are extremely co-dependent on eachother. Seeing her ill, even though we'd just returned home from the vet with Oz, we gently got her into her carrier and rushed her to the vet as well. You can imagine how shocked they were to see us again (lol).

Vet was glad I brought her in preemptively. Seems I had it exactly right. She is sick. She was running a fever of 105 when we got there. We did bloodwork (which came back squeaky clean!!) and they tried to get a urine sample, but to no avail. So they gave her a shot for her current nausea, and she's been put on liquid antibiotics. ...Antibiotics which require food and she's still not eating.

But... I don't care if its my birthday or not. I've put everything a side because she is my world. So her and I are quarentined to the bedroom together. Luckily that's her safe/comfort space, and I'm just in here to keep her company and provide additional comfort as she craves it. Currently as I write this from my mini mechanical bluetooth keyboard on my tablet... she's snuggled up in one of her favorite blankets next to me, tucked in for additional warmth.

But until she's doing a little better... I will be resigned to this set up...

So I will likely spend my Birthday cleaning out my tumblr inbox while I take care of my lil sick baby.

But after all the times she's looked after me in my worst states (like when I was sick with covid and despite trying to distance myself from her she would NOT leave me for the entire week. Like velcro. My lil nurse.) both mental and physical health... its the least I can do to make sure she's comfortable and has someone here for her the same way she's always been there for me.

When I say I would do anything for this cat. I mean it. She is the world to me.

[steampoweredace]

I find it... kind of strange that I've seen lots of women complain that they have trouble getting doctors who are guys to take them seriously when like...

Okay, I'm not out as nb to anyone really, so in theory everyone should think I'm a woman (I'm not)

And my first psychiatrist assumed I was being lazy and lying about being constantly exhausted and in pain and, a few months before I was able to see rheumatology for the first time, she told me to find a new psychiatrist (I did, saw him for like... man, I don't think it was even a full year? before I could stop the anti-depressants)

The rheumatologist, when I first saw him, spent like... five minutes seeing how my joints move and basically went "I'd be more surprised if you didn't hurt", ordered another round of bloodwork, and tried me on lyrica (which helped, and weirdly enough, being at a 2 on the pain scale instead of an 8 did a lot to help my depression)

When I started getting horrible stabbing side pains in December 2019, after we confirmed it wasn't my appendix, I got sent to an OB/GYN and she did an ultrasound that just confirmed that yeah, I have PCOS, then sent me to go see some other specialist because surely the PCOS couldn't be causing me any troubles

Well, the next year I saw a different doc at the same practice and he came up with a way to check whether or not the horrible stabbing side pains had anything to do with my reproductive system, and then when it turned out yes, they did, he was willing to remove the right ovary instead of waffling about it 'cause "we can't be sure which one is causing the pain" (it was. it was the ovary near where the stabbing side pains were. why would it be the other one.). He also removed my tubes at the same time, which had nothing to do with the problem but was appreciated nonetheless.

Why do I have the guy docs take me more seriously than the women?

[fiddleheadfinn]

Spoonie studio blog

Good morning! I'm still sipping my first cup of tea, planning for the day. Do you ever watch those "cozy" Youtube Vlogs where artists start with a massive to-do list and somehow accomplish it all in an afternoon? My life is not really like that.

Yesterday: got overdue bloodwork, sent some emails, napped, finished a self portrait, napped again, woke up disoriented, watched a 20 minute cartoon, bed. I expect today will be worse. At least vestibular migraines don't really hurt, they just turn me into a dizzy sleeping beauty for a few days.

In between the migraines and infections and chronic fatigue flares, I've been organizing my studio. I think my shop supplies are downright pretty, and the contents of my closet no longer fall on my head. 🌈 The overbed table is amazing as a workspace extension. I even experimented with using my mirror as a sketching easel... and then remembered how tiring upright artwork is on my arms!

I have 4 new patch designs in my carving queue - the three trans-themed ones I posted this week, and a linocut version of COVID SILENCE = DEATH. My goal is to get those in the shop before Thanksgiving. In between, I went back to my watercolor & ink comfort zone, and I've been sketching and painting from my Ireland photos. (You'll see the first one later today!)

I plan to launch my Patreon and Ko-Fi clubs in earnest in early 2024. For now you can follow for free and see more blog posts and behind-the-scenes photos.

[weezly14]

so i used to use this more as a blog where i talked about my life and my feelings and there's been both a lot and nothing happening in my life lately but i sure do have feelings! so i'm gonna write it down and send vibes into the universe because why not. what else do i have to do today?

i've been a little MIA in terms of working on my fics. i've barely written. first it was a rough fucking winter; then summer kicked my ass just as bad. i hate summer.

"but why has it been rough?"

well, because i'm not fucking pregnant yet.

we've been trying for a baby (i hate this phrase) for ten months? ish? and nothing has happened. in school they made it sound like you skip protection once and you'll get knocked up; my mom got accidentally pregnant twice. and here i am, charting dates and peeing on ovulation predictor sticks and tracking symptoms and the whole nine yards, timing sex and taking fucking prenatals and vitamins and not eating sushi or steak during the two week wait and not drinking at all, and all i've gotten to show for it is my fucking period, every month like clockwork.

the studies say, it can take up to a year. yes, most couples get pregnant within six months, but sometimes it takes longer. sure, fine, whatever.

so it's been hard enough trying to get pregnant and then failing (because it does feel like failing, every time), but then two things happened in quick succession:

my best friend got pregnant, sort of accidentally;

i got sent for bloodwork and the results caused my doctor to refer me straight to a fertility clinic.

when i saw the results i cried, but i thought i was just spiraling and being over dramatic. sure, my AMH is really low, but it's technically still in range, and that's not everything, right? my other tests were mostly fine, not totally out of the normal range. then i called my doctor's office, only to be told "we're referring you to a clinic, your ob/gyn doesn't think you'll get pregnant without treatment."

it's a hell of a thing to be told while standing in the pasta aisle of a grocery store.

in the midst of being referred to the clinic, i of course googled. read articles and papers. cried to my husband, my mom, my friends. of course the clinic was booking weeks out; in three weeks i'll go for my first appointment. my mom said, well maybe now you'll get pregnant. it happens, you know - people struggle and then as soon as they get booked to see a specialist, or start IVF, they get pregnant.

my period started over the weekend. it was not a good time.

the thing about trying for a baby is that every month is the same fucking rollercoaster, only you can't get off, and despite knowing exactly how it'll go, it's still somehow traumatic every time. every cycle there's the devastation when your period starts, followed by the hopeful/planning mode of "let me now track ovulation, let's chart out when we need to have sex." then there's the actual sex - trying to still have fun with it as opposed to the clinical "literally all we need is for you to finish," though sometimes it is just the quickie before work or after dinner because it's Fertile Week and we need to optimize our chances so it doesn't matter if it's not very romantic, we can have romantic sex later. after that it's the waiting game, the two weeks of overanalyzing every ache, every twinge, of looking up expected due dates and thinking about how to announce to family and friends, of hoping and thinking that maybe you are actually pregnant - all followed by the two, three days leading up to your period where every trip to the bathroom has the potential to devastate. where every pms symptom is enough to set off a fresh round of tears until your period actually starts. i've stopped taking pregnancy tests early. the stark white negatives (or rude NO - on the digital tests) was too much for me to handle in my already hormonal, pms state.

it hasn't been a year, which makes me feel like i shouldn't be so upset already. on the other hand, my egg reserve is apparently incredibly low - that is, i'm rapidly running out of eggs, and who knows if the ones i've got are even any good. in three weeks we'll see a fertility specialist, and based on my extensive research and trolling on reddit and listening to podcasts, i'm fairly confident they're going to tell us it's IVF or bust.

because i'm running out of eggs, for reasons that might not exist, or might just be "sometimes things just suck for certain people." some people get a diagnosis of "unexplained infertility," which basically means the doctors have run every test and there's no reason you can't get pregnant. we aren't in that camp, we're likely in the "diminished ovarian reserve" camp. for reasons that are unexplained.

meanwhile, my best friend is pregnant, and i can't talk to her without crying.

we moved into a bigger house a year ago in preparation for kids. we got our finances in order, we made sure our marriage was solid, we planned - and now? we've always wanted two, maybe three. at this point i think we'll be lucky to get one. maybe i'm being pessimistic. i'm trying to be confident but also realistic. IVF doesn't work for everyone. even my clinic, which has the best numbers in the state, has a 63% success rate. sounds great, and it is - but that's 37% of couples who don't go home with a baby. nationally, the outcomes are something like 50ish% of IVF cycles will result in a live birth (they measure by both pregnancy and live birth, because even if you've managed to get pregnant, there's no guarantee you'll stay pregnant.)

today is a good day, by the way. today i can talk to my mom, i can call up our insurance, i can write this and be factual and calm and not crying. today i feel like we have a good chance, like we will end up with a take home baby. today i'm cleaning my house and looking up meal plans to increase my fertility. exercise regimens to help me get in shape to increase my fertility. tomorrow might be a bad day. bad days are when i can barely get off the couch, where i cry at the thought or mention of my fertility. where a tiktok of a dad and baby sends me spiraling. when it all feels fucking useless and unfair.

today is a good day. i don't know what tomorrow's going to be yet.

i've been isolating all summer, which isn't hard to do when most of my friends aren't local. but i find i don't want to be around anyone, really. i don't want to talk to people. i don't want to be asked how i'm doing, i don't want to be asked what's new or what i've been up to.

"i've been cleaning my house and trying to get pregnant and failing. last week i made a new recipe, and today i cried."

it's not an exciting life i'm leading these days. and anyway, no one wants to hear about fertility struggles.

it's not that i'm too stressed. i don't need to go on vacation, or get drunk and have sex, or relax and then i'll get pregnant. sure, i could use a vacation, but that's not the magic ticket. the problem isn't lack of sex. i have depression; the stress is always there, but that's why i see my therapist and my psychiatrist. that's why i take my meds and do my self-soothing shit.

i'm not pregnant because i'm just not. and hopefully the specialist will have a plan and hopefully that plan has a more than 30% chance of succeeding, and hopefully we get to bring a baby home - but today? today i'm not pregnant, and it's not a guarantee that i ever will be.

so even though today is a good day, i'm still really fucking sad.

but, you know. i'm trying to have hope.

that, too, is a cycle.

[cpunkwitch]

answering my own questions

[pt: answering my own questions]

dont really get sent anything and not many people sent in the questions when the games were posted and reblogged, and i wanted to talk about stuff, so here we are.

this might end up being a multiple part post series?

ask game one (link)

(if comfortable) tell us about your condition? as much info as youre comfy with sharing.

i have a defect in the base of my spine, since i was born its caused me chronic pain all throughout my development and in recent years its only gotten worse, twisting my spine, headaches, jaw issues etc. i've also got highly suspected rheumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia and ive been diagnosed with a pretty bad case of anemia so bad that everytime a doctor looks at my results after bloodwork they give me a pained look and say "heyy...did you know your iron is low? like...really really low?". that and a hand full of other things, vitamin deficiencies, etc. i dont mind talking more about this

2. do you know about the spoon theory? if yes, what do you think of it?

i'll be honest, the majority of my knowledge of spoon theory off the top of my head is that "drawer with limited supply of spoons" is the disabled way of saying i only have so much motivation and energy (phys, as "battery" usually refers to social and emotional) in me. i've read up on it ages ago but would not be able to put into better words what i still remember about spoon theory (esp since we had a different host back then), i like that its just so much quicker and easier to convey my amount of ability to do things for the day by saying whether or not i have the spoons for it.

i do like to joke that my drawer is always stocked with knives and forks for the ablests, but sometimes that requires spoons to handle too. /silly

3. do you have mobility aids? if yes, which ones? if no, do you want any in the future?

i've mention how i really wish i could have a wheelchair if i were in a different situation, i dont know if i'll ever get one and i almost cried when my brother responded to my joke of "would you make on for me?" with an "i would if i could", i really would like a wheelchair of some kind in the future if the world were more accessible and i were in a safer place. right now though, i've just got my cane that still needs repainting. i guess my moms back brace counts too, i take it with me to work sometimes.

4. how did you find out about cripplepunk? what drew you to the community and movement?

i dont exactly remember but i've known about it for years. i (prev host) might have come across it looking up different punk aesthetics, though im not completely sure why it showed up in a punk aesthetic list, possibly because its punk and people misinterpreted it? my first glimpse was seeing patches on jackets, spiked customized aids, cripples/phys disabled people in your classic punk attire (piercings, dyed spiked mohawks, ripped jeans and fingerless gloves) and i loved it. im a sucker for self expression through appearance and customizing things and then when i found out it was a whole community for support and centered around being physically disabled in general and slowly came to terms with my own disabled body and started accepting myself, i kinda fell in love with cripplepunk in the "this feels like home" sense.

i could probably ramble way more but i'll stop there.

5. if you deal with any kind of pain, what's your method of pain management?

i use hot packs, ice packs, voltaren cream, sometimes i take a cbd gummy, i do little stretches when i remember them, i take walks and hot baths/showers, im trying to go back to the chiropractor and my favourite instructors in rehab (theyre trans friendly and complimented my cane when i first came in with it i love them so much), and i take whatever meds i can, normally anti-inflammatory like ibuprofen but because i cant swallow pills i either take liquid (yeah, childs liquid meds works, the couple hours of mild relief is still worth it) or powdered tylenol or something. the hot/cold stuff depends on the pain and where on my body the pain is.

6. do you stand or sit in the shower or do you prefer baths/find bathing easier rather than showers?

i take baths for my muscles and during the damn monthly ouch in order to relax my body. i take showers just for my shoulders and when im feeling icky and wanna rinse off or something, i take showers on a "regular" basis and i normally stand because the only way i sit is if im crouched in the tub and if i do that i get extra dizzy standing up to get out when i turn the water off. thankfully im no longer near passing out when i take a shower but i still have to sit on the floor matt after because my legs demand rest. i gotta be careful with hot water cuz not only will it make me overheat quickly (i will not realize if in standing in blood-boiling hot water and turning myself into a cooked lobster until after im out) but it can also cause me to literally fall asleep in the bath which can go wrong.

7. do you have a sort of comfort item or safety blanket that helps you feel better, especially on the worst days?

a couple things. a few of them are stuffies/plushies, or music, games or books to help me keep my mind off it i suppose.

8. name 3 things you hate about hospitals/doctors/nurses/the medical system

a) a lot of them refuse to take people seriously or actually listen. sure maybe theyre tired or heard the same shtick before and wanna make sure this person isnt just a drug user trying to pity their way into getting more, but even then all matters a patient presents them with should still be taken seriously and never brushed off or mocked.

b) the fact that the er, the place you take a ticket and wait, is called the Emergency Room, when its normally scheduled appointments and people taken in by the ambulance that are top priority. sure its called the er because most visits through the er are rushed "emergency" last minute visits, people going there because they couldnt schedule an appointment and needed to see someone on that day, but still it feels wrong to call it the emergency room when its really just a waiting room and regardless of the visit they arent actually treated as emergencies. the whole system of just going to see a doctor feels messed up and most of the time you end up just going to see a nurse, get a check up and leave when they tell you what they got after a talk and examination or they schedule to see you again when a doctor is available. because of this i tend to prefer walk in clinics.

c) the fact that they charge to damn much, no matter if youre insured, it still charges so much. no matter what they do. and yeah, healthcare in canada is free to an extent if youre insured but a lot of times they charge more than your insurance can cover and not everyone can get/has insurance. not to mention the medical debt so many people have in america. i get that staff and hospitals need pay and funding but the government should have that covered and not have the patients charged so much for getting help. i almost got charged over 3k just for my short visit to the ward because there was an issue with my insurance and thats a whole angry story for another time.

9. whats an accessibility tool you wish was more accessible/that you had access to?

one of them is aac, the one i have on my phone i have to disconnect my phone to and has a limited amount of phrases i can pick from. id like it better if the app or just aac programs in general when directly to your device speaker by default, had more options for more ease conversing and none of them were behind a damn pay wall, in-app purchase or otherwise. i rarely use it for several reasons but i'd love if i could use it more with less limitations.

also wheelchair ramps. i dont have a wheelchair ramp but i wish people stopped walking on them when theyre clearly able-bodied, i wished my parents taught me and my siblings what the ramps were for and not to run up and down them as well as other parents to their kids because those things are supposed to be clear for a wheelchair user. i also think the corners should be rounded for ease of turning and that wheelchair accessible paths in general should be firm to the ground (not a wimpy matt on the sand that flips over and gets buried on the beach unmaintained), maintained and cleaned regularly, not have any gaps (ive seen so many of the small ones installed in doorways that have a height gap above the ground which causes trouble getting the wheelchair on the ramp let alone through the damn door) and not have railings made of metal if theyre outside (they can often reflect light into peoples eyes and get too hot to touch in the sun both of which are not good issues to have no matter how small they seem.)

those are at least the first to come to mind.

10. whats the worst accessability cockblock you've seen ableds do/make?

theres quite a few i've seen but atm nothing significant comes to mind other than overpricing mobility aids or placing paywalls in front of aids in general.

however there was the few times in more than one school i went to you had to go to the office, provide a 'valid' reason and ask them for a key to the elevator, otherwise they make you take the stairs. i know they do it because they dont want able-bodied kids messing with it n shit but its stupid, it should be accessible to everyone regardless. thank fuck both collages ive been to so far give free elevator use to any staff or student but in the schools i went to i was only allowed have the access key because i couldnt walk up the steps on my sprained/twisted ankle and i had to give it back at the end of every day. the last school even limited my use to just the morning or 1-2 periods that i had on the second floor. nevermind if my locker was up there.

11. whats an accessibility tool youre very thankful for?

screen readers. my little brother uses/used em more than me and i dont use them too often but im glad they exist in general i used them when i was younger and my english teachers gave us work on the computer, i used it like an audiobook and it helped me majorly. i hate that people dont always provide translations to things and make things harder on screen readers by using coloured, tiny, non-serif font-ed or 'quirked' text but ever since i was a kid i was just as happy they existed as i was about braille.

12. name 3 things you like about hospitals/docs/nurses/the medical system

a) that there are some people there who are actually hoping, willing and ready to listen and help others.

b) that they provide things for kids like toys in the waiting room, people who specialize in caring for kids in the hospital, some doctors even have their office decorated. one doctor i went to had her entire office winnie the pooh themed and it helped me out a lot when i got blood work done n stuff, it was really comforting to stare at pooh bear instead of the sharp pokey in my arm.

c) that things are usually kept quiet with low voices, as it reduces risk of overstimulation as well as avoids hurting anyones head and protects privacy of those talking about whats going on. voices are usually only raised to a normal talking level when in the privacy of a nurse or doctor office and its something i dont see really acknowledged anywhere.

13. do you have any favourite disability rep? (media or character)

not picking from my own sources, when it comes to physical disability rep, its hard for me to pick something that involves a realistic character because most of them arent very well portrayed or i cant personally relate to. i can list Freddy freeman as one, hes a crutch user and how the shazam movie portrayed him does well in expressing what ableism can be like for some visibly disabled kids in school. i could probably list some shows that handle disability well through other means if i thought of them, i know theres a few that handle it through super heros being disabled (the one spider-person who's got both a wheelchair and a cane from the recent spiderverse movie for example) or non-human characters having differences that are implied to be disabilities, and i adore that creativity, especially with showing disabled super heros as it tells disabled kids theyre still strong, not broken, they can still be cool and do great things just like able-bodied people. hard for me to name specific things off the top of my head though, guess i like specific tropes around disability rep more than anything. it helps normalize disability and thats what really makes me happy with it. (thats a big reason why i made @/your-fave-is-crippled)

14. least favourite/worst disability rep?

not phys disabled but sia's fucked up movie right off the bat still angers me. i cant name any specifics once again, normally if theres some rep that i dont like i purposely forget they exist to begin with, they arent worth remembering if they arent gonna do it right, y'know? id rather forget and move on than linger and rage about it if i can help it.

15. list some creators (youtubers/bloggers etc) that are disabled and/or cater to a disabled audience that you enjoy? (if any)

@crippled-pvp, @cripple-culture-is are a couple blogs i follow that i enjoy seeing on my dash (sorry if you dont want to be tagged!)

there was a deaf/hoh girl i used to frequent the content of as she talks a lot about signing and i really enjoyed her videos, shes such a sweet person but i never remembered her name nor any of the other creators i watched/followed. no one else comes to mind atm

16. favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

i like that there are people with advice at the ready, whatever question you have or info you need etc, theres always going to be someone with the words you need. i just like how helpful people can be in general in this community and how easily support is accessed through the community.

17. least favourite aspect about the general disabled community?

the fact that theres in-fighting, fake claiming, judgment, quick assumptions, and general internalized ableism still going on when we're supposed to be a community helping each other out not tearing each other down. im not just talking about the fight over "inclusion vs exclusion" on cripplepunk and other sub/separate communities in the disability community.

18. favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

i think my answer to "what drew you to cripplepunk" also answers this.

19. least favourite aspect about cripplepunk?

honestly? none. i hate the people forcing themselves into a space not meant to include them nor benefits them in the first place. i cant actually think of an issue i have with the cpunk community, only issues with people outside being upset over how "exclusive" it is because they want in.

20. free space:

feel free to ask me about any of my answers! i'll make a second post for the second ask game some other time. its currently 11pm and i have to get up early for morning classes yuck

[ID: banner reading "dni if... proship, transx/id, syscourse/discourse blog, anti-mspec lesbians/gays, anti-lesboy/turigirl more in pinned rentry. this blog is protected by the addams family, the de rolo family and co." in all black lowercase text. It has a grey cloud background. On the left is the De Rolo coat of arms with a cobweb in the top corner and symmetrically flipped on the right is the symbol of Vox Machina with the same cobweb in the bottom corner :End ID]

[tapuhauko]

another lil update! I'll put the more in depth talk below the cut in case of triggers. Short of the story: I've been incredibly tired physically along with some back and knee pain & we just don't know what's going on with me right now health wise. It's starting to wear me down mentally now too because my brain doesn't deal well with uncertainties. I wanna be here / in servers and write, but it's just hard to focus / stay awake a lot when I do have down time rn The work at the zoo is helping me stay distracted, and I love being there, so that's good at least! More in depth (CW for hospital talk / medical talk / bloodwork talk):

sooo after I left off last time I went back that tuesday, they tested my blood and the CRP had lowered a teensy bit. They put me on a broader antibiotics for 3x a day for a week. 2 days after I had to come back for another bloodtest. CRP rose again. I had to continue the antibiotics ofc, so I did. Doc told me to get more broader bloodwork done, so I did. Then the week after I call for results. Nothing can be seen from the blood besides that the CRP and another infection rate had risen even more. So now I'm being sent to the hospital for a specialist to see if they can find the source of w/e is going on (my appointment is february 5th) I really miss writing and talking to y'all about hcs and plots and stuff, so I hope to be back on my feet soon ;a; thank you all for sticking around and waiting for me!! <3

[dollsandmasks]

If you, just like me, grew up labelled as a "good kid", it can be hard to finally go against what is forced upon you by someone's authority.

Especially when it comes to doctors and medication.

I've always been a good kid. I did everything doctors told me. I dieted, I kept taking more and more medication, I never spoke over them or against them, because they know best. Doctors are respectable, they are trying to help. My mom is a doctor. I got back some very shady-looking bloodwork as an adult and never questioned it, just assuming that I had somehow missed having been sick with hepatitis C at some point. The bloodwork turned out to be botched, and I had to go to another town to get it re-taken, showing that I have never, in fact, had hepatitis C. It is likely still a part of my medical records somewhere, though.

I am currently seeing a lot of doctors, as I finally have insurance and can get help for the smaller issues I've been having throughout the years. And yeah, it's kind of a mess. I keep being sent to different doctors from the same field, and they don't communicate with each other. They misread my papers, have trouble accessing my test results and scheduling follow-up sessions, they can be rude and dismissive sometimes, but overall, I'm doing fine, and I'm following their recommendations to a T. And they help, even if actually being listened to might have helped a bit more.

But sometimes, they'll send you to a psychiatrist to rule out some of your symptoms maybe being psychosomatic (because, you see, the only results of yours they could access were your most recent, good results, not the abysmally bad results you had at the beginning of the month, so now your abysmally bad results didn't sound real enough to them to still be causing any lasting issues), and the psychiatrist will be one of those types. The "autism is a terrible disease, but you can be cured!" type. The "you are sick in the head and must be immediately hospitalized, even though mental institution patients in Russia permanently lose some of their human rights" type, the "going into remission for your autism can cure everything, including your actual infections, and don't you dare not want to get rid of your terrible mental disease!" type. And, after pushing you, intimidating you, constantly switching the narrative and lying about what type of medication you are being prescribed, after refusing to elaborate about the side effects and essentially shooing you out while insisting you come back next time fully medicated (despite the next time not being covered by the insurance, and even the first time getting the psychiatrist up in arms about whether or not your insurance really covers it), the psychiatrist leaves you with a list of medications, after you have already extensively told them all about the horrible, life-threatening side effects you've had with similar types of medications before. You look these up online, and the side effects sounds like exactly the type of thing you want to avoid. Your mental health is not as bad right now as it used to be, your main problems are physiological, and it's not the right time to go and risk experiencing such a vast array of side effects that you were never able to escape with these types of meds.

But you want to be a good kid. A medical professional prescribed you medication and insisted that you take them. They also insisted on you coming back and checking in with them, about raising the "baby dosages" that had been prescribed. You are a good kid, good kids do what authorities tell them to! They take the medication and suffer the consequences, because the doctor knows best.

This is where you stop being a good kid and become a reasonable adult who doesn't want to risk fucking dying because they are dealing with some of the most incompetent medical professionals known to man.

I am still as pro-therapy and pro-medication as I was before, but I will keep on looking for a professional who doesn't make me want to write an official complaint about them three minutes in. They must truly believe that mentally ill and developmentally disabled people are incapable of defending themselves and exercising their rights.

Welp, gotta prove them wrong.