#just kind of makes me upset seeing people fall in a pit of 'well I can't lose weight anyway bc it's biologically impossible (lie!!!)

[6mayhem]

it's like online leftist communities overcorrected too hard when it comes to dieting and now there's people convinced you can sustain yourself on eating 100% ultraprocessed snack foods and also anyone who tries to change their habits whether it's for health or aesthetic reasons is a fascist

[lust4lore]

(finnick + cockwarming pretty please i’ll give you my firstborn child)

anon, i’m in love with you. take all of the forehead kisses. all of them. (btw, call me when that child is born!)

A/N: originally, this was gonna be something where reader and finnick are at a party and it’s kind of public, he’s a little meaner, but i think voyeurism as well as denying his girl anything she wants is a little ooc for him so i chose this instead. i still have the outline of the og, though, so if you’d be interested in reading that and are willing to excuse it lmk!

CW: cockwarming— mind you, fluffy cockwarming, because it’s finn!

MDNI, not proofread i cba 😔🫶

finnick odair would do anything for you. shit, he’s braved hell and back twice just for the chance to catch a glimpse of you again. you’re his world, the love of his life, and the last thing he wants is to see you upset.

which is why, when you entered your shared bedroom with a quivering bottom lip and glistening eyes, he dropped everything immediately.

“hey, hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” he had asked gently, brows pinching together as concern started seeping in. he beckoned you over to where he sat with open arms, and you gladly went. he pulled you onto his lap, warm hands cupping your face as he searched your eyes for any indication of what the problem could be. “talk to me,” he murmured, anxiety forming a pit in his stomach when you didn’t give him an immediate response.

it had been a long day. all the noise, all the people, all the feelings had gotten to you, and you just needed finnick. needed to turn off your brain in the way only he could. “jus’ had a busy day, too much going on and-” you sniffed, looking up into those sea green eyes and feeling a distant pang of guilt at the panic that was rising in them. “i need you, finn,”

realization flickered across his features and his lips parted before he pressed them together again, his gaze shifting from worried to conflicted. finnick never found it easy to deny you anything— and this wasn’t even something he wanted to say no to— but he had deadlines to fulfill, things that he couldn’t put off any longer. you knew that, you did, but you really were aching for whatever piece of him you could get.

and so, you end up here, still sat in his lap as he slowly presses into you, a quiet whine falling from your lips at the stretch. your face buries itself into his neck, hands bracing his shoulders. “finn,” your voice comes out strained and desperate, just above a whisper as you sink down onto him. “m’right here, sugar, i got you,” his hands rest on your hips, lightly squeezing them in encouragement. you continue to whimper as you take the rest of him, adjusting to the size. “i know, honey, i know,” he soothes, one of his hands coming up from your hips to rub your back.

a few minutes in, you’re a bit more mollified. your thoughts come to a slow, sticky pace, and suddenly, nothing seems so loud anymore. all that’s left in your head is finnick finnick finnick and the comfortable weight of him inside of you. “this what you needed, pretty girl? feel better?” his voice is low against your ear and you give a small nod, because yes, it’s exactly what you needed, but your words are kind of failing you at the moment.

you stay like that for god knows how long, his arm wrapped around your waist as he continues to work, your forehead resting on his shoulder. eventually, though, you shift a little, and it’s just enough to cause his cock to graze that sweet spot inside of you. his muscles tense underneath you as you tighten around him and he makes a sound in between a sigh and a groan, picking you up as though you weigh nothing. “what’re you doing?” you ask, your voice soft and dazed as he sets you down on the bed, hands slipping underneath your shirt and roaming further up as he starts trailing kisses down your neck. “taking care of my girl,” he tells you, and, well,

you’ll have to start having bad days more often.

[gayraeofsun]

i just really want to scream about this movie into the void because it was so well done, and i doubt anyone will really see this but i don't really have anyone i could have a deep discussion about this with.

trigger warning and spoiler warning ahead for the movie blink twice. content ahead discusses themes around sa, including r*pe, drugging, manipulation, and general physical/verbal abuse.

i don't keep up with any previews or recent movie releases much anymore, so i was going into this movie almost completely blind like i do with most new movies anymore. i had seen one preview, but it was apparently plain and simple enough for me to mostly forget about it. the irony in that will be made known a bit later on.

the movie automatically opens with a screen that displays a trigger warning, which is something that i had been seeing for the first time in any kind of visual media. normally these things are already listed by the ratings, but as a sa survivor who had no idea what this movie was going to be, it was a good thing to see so i could brace myself for what was to come. do i think this is necessary for any and every movie of this kind? no, it feels a little redundant (again, these things are typically included in the ratings). and, well, asking me to not watch if it would upset me is kind of a no deal, since i paid for a ticket and popcorn to see this on the big screen.

we're immediately introduced to our two main characters, two best friends, and it's hard to not immediately fall for their relationship with each other. so playful and silly and ridiculous, you can immediately tell they adore each other's company in their shitty job living in their shitty apartment, and you can tell that they're written by a woman who loves these characters and wants to portray them as relatable people. the interactions between the whole cast of girls, i think, was just outstandingly done. they felt realistic, not constantly shitting on each other and fighting for the attention of the men (though some jealousy of that fashion is still portrayed). they were all there enjoying the island and they ended up bonding together wonderfully. they were funny without being over-the-top rude or nasty or promiscuous, as is portrayed commonly in female characters in popular media. i can't and won't stop gushing over how much these characters felt just like real life girls that i was hanging out with.

this movie was really great at putting a pit in your stomach and slowly making it grow. of course, the trigger warning at the beginning spoils what's to come, so for me the pit was there from the start. any sensible person who's been socialized to be a woman will know, you don't ever just run away with some random ass group of men you don't know to the middle of nowhere with no cell service. but the little things that make the main character, frida, stop and question are so subtle, and so easily dismissed to start with. the used lip gloss in the drawer, the available clothes despite being an "unexpected" guest, the weird cleaning staff. but they increasingly get more odd. the island is full of venomous snakes and they all have to be killed on sight. something about these flirty interactions isn't quite right anymore, and he's talking about repressed memories. what day even is it? why am i always waking up with dirt under my nails?

who even knows or cares though, since we're all high and/or drunk 24/7. welcome to paradise!

it builds and builds until it begins to unravel, slowly and then all at once as the girls come to the realization of what happens to them every night when they get unbelievably high after dinner. the bond between the first two to piece it together was outstanding, and i love that there wasn't a cheap "find the phones and call authorities" plan. they worked out why that wouldn't work at all, because who would they believe? the "hysterical bitches" making claims without any kind of solid evidence, or the rich white man who's now a reformed soul and probably good friends with some of the cops?

the ending is not a happy one, in my eyes, though i believe it was probably supposed to be portrayed as one? two girls live and three girls die by the end. the ringmaster (ceo) of the whole thing ends up accidentally taking his own forgetfulness juice and suddenly doesn't understand what's going on and why all his friends are dead or have been otherwise brutalized. he knocks over lit candles and then trips and knocks himself out in his stupor, and the island burns down, the photographic evidence (that was later discovered) and all. i thought it was just going to end there and we would be left with the ambiguous ending, and that's never satisfying and feels very overdone anymore.

but instead, we're given a scene where our main character is now the ceo of the company, and legally married to the man who lured her away and horrifically abused her. twice. i interpreted this as her getting her own form of justice/revenge. i doubt she gives him half the treatment he gave her, but now she controls him and everything he owns and knew, and gets every bit of respect she wants. he killed her best friend and two other girls after overpowering the lot of them every single night. in a perfect world, he'd get tried and punished for his crimes legally. but all the evidence of it ever happening burned to the ground. so this is what she does to cope. in the final scene, she seems very satisfied, more than pleased to make her new husband's old crew squirm. she becomes the thing that destroyed her and so many others (but yk, most likely without the rapist cult).

one character i very suddenly grew interested in was the scrawniest boy in the group. he flies perfectly under the radar and doesn't appear in many of scenes that portray the gruesome sa. the one where he's in clear view, he appears to be another victim, trying to flee from one of the bigger men and receiving a black eye, which he would have no memory of getting the next morning. he's told by one of the girls that he smells nice, most likely referencing the perfume that was making them forget everything. it seemed very clear that he was in a victim role here as well, likely also being sa-ed. but he's never seen bound and gagged with the girls.

his final scene gets interesting when the ceo berates him for doing nothing to help the girls the entire time (yeah, the same ceo millionaire who's been basically orchestrating this whole sick fucking show in his perfect little getaway island). how he thinks there's a special place in hell for people who sit and do nothing in the face of evil. there are two very different ways to interpret this. 1) he wasn't actually getting drugged and abused with the girls, and was there as someone who didn't actively participate in abusing the girls, but also didn't do anything to try to stop it either. this could be blatant commentary on the two types of evil; while "not all men" r*pe and abuse people, not enough men will speak out against it or try to run to the victim's defense. or 2) the ceo was casting blame onto someone who was genuinely confused as to what was happening (which seems to ring true in both scenarios), and someone who was also a victim and stuck in a completely helpless situation. both could hold some level of truth, but ultimately i read him as the latter, thinking he was meant to represent the less common male victim. he gets killed by one of the girls, who wasn't specifically targeting him but also wasn't taking any chances, and that's the last we see of him. in my eyes he could either be read as the kind of evil that merely observes and therefore was rightfully murdered, or he could represent his male victims often get forgotten about or less acknowledged, which could speak as to why he was killed off so quickly never to be discussed again.

and i've gotta say, one thing i really appreciate about the scenes depicting r*pe is that it put a lot of the focus on the r*pists and not their victims. they were careful to not show any nudity or any shots of the women getting r*ped, but still showed them getting forced down when they tried to flee. i have not personally seen any other graphic scenes of this nature in other movies, but from what i hear a lot of it can get rather pornographic, and i feel like that's incredibly distasteful when you're trying to depict something that's absolutely vile. this movie does a great job of getting the absolute terror of the moment across without compromising any of the actresses by posing them seductively or showing off their bodies, and same goes for the men (if you don't count a couple of them being shirtless).

the writing is so wonderful, and the little clues as to what's happening beneath the surface are so good and plentiful. this is a movie that i don't think i'd ever be able to sit through again, but the sense of dread that continued to grow and grow will surely stick with me. it was very darkly funny in many places, which did great to break up some of the tension. for anyone who was able to stomach it, i would highly recommend watching through it once you're able. i think it was outstandingly well done and handled certain things as well as it could without watering any of it down.

[dfortrafalgar]

Looooooved ILY! Kudos! It was chair-gripping, tear drenching, rot your teeth fluffy and a bunch of other things in between! Brava! 🥰

If you're still accepting requests (I don't know if you have already been flooded by messages or not) I would like a story about being part of the Kid Pirates but reader is in a really sour mood because it's the anniversary of readers's parents death (you can make up a story if you'd like) and reader disobeys a direct order from him and, to top it off, reader talks back at him in front of the crew, earning the reader a severe punishment (up to you). Eventually Kid finds out why reader's mood is so sour and tries to talk it out except Kid can't be soft and that just makes things more awkward. Could be SFW, could be NSFW, I'm leaving all this up to you. And the ending as well because I only got that far. I hope you like the idea and get excited.

I love your work! ❤️🥰 Thank you for sharing your talent.

HI ANON!!! thank you so much for your request and your super kind words over IMLY, that means so much to me!!!! i know i keep saying this but yall make me smile every single day when i log onto tumblr and see your messages <3

I also really loved writing this request! i really love Kid, but i also wanna kick his ass on the playground if that makes sense, and i think that sentiment came through in my writing ;w; I hope you like it!!! and thank you again!!! (Also, i kept the reason for your parents' death ambiguous, because i know some people (myself included) read fics with their ocs in mind, so you're free to fill in the vagueness with your own personal ideas if you want!)

Feeling Overhaul

Eustass Kid x Fem Reader

The anniversary of your parents' death always leaves you feeling shallow, but your boyfriend's lack of social and situational awareness crops up to make your day even worse.

Warnings: SFW, hurt/comfort, reader being understandably upset, descriptions of an argument with some veeeeery slight verbal abuse, once again hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort. communication is key loves

Your sour mood had been steadily building over the last few days, but your sorrow reached its peak on the last day of the week, according to the barely legible crew calendar that was based off of when the messenger coos arrived with the weekly paper.  It was a day you despised thinking about, the memories associated with the day leaving your throat tight, an uncomfortable malaise in the pit of your stomach.

All things considered, you thought you were doing a decent job at keeping your emotions in check while performing your usual duties on the Victoria Punk.  The bow of the deck needed a thorough scrubbing, a few spots in the walls of the crow’s nest needed repairs from a recent run in with a smaller, weaker pirate crew, and a few secondary sails needed their holes patched up.  It was a perfect day to distract yourself from your woes.  Drowning your discontent in your work had become quite a valuable skill.

Until you slipped on the soap that lathered the hard wood of the bow and fell flat on your ass.  When trying to stand, your hands gave out under you and you hit the deck once more, one of your crew mates tossing you anxious glances as you struggled to regain your bearings.  Climbing up to the crow’s nest, you were plagued with a sudden wash of grief over the day, so much so that you lost your grip and slipped down the Jacobs ladder, your foot catching on one of the wooden rungs beneath you.  Wire was directly under you, climbing as well to assist with the crow’s nest repairs, and his method of helping you after your slip involved gripping your arm so hard it left a bruise.  You bit back your tears at the pain of your crewmate’s hand around your limb and the humiliation of almost falling 12 feet onto the hard wooden hull, but you once again bit back your shame and finished your arduous climb up.

By the afternoon, word had gotten around the Victoria Punk that your work was lacking, that you were clearly struggling with something, that perhaps you weren’t feeling well.  When it finally got around to Captain Eustass Kid, who doubled as your beloved partner, he was less than pleased.

The last thing he wanted to do was deal with your emotions, and the last thing you wanted to do was deal with his abrasive, apathetic attitude.

“Care to explain why the hell the entire crew has caught you slacking off today?” he demanded, thundering toward you in one of the upper corridors of the ship’s hull.  You were still returning some of the tools you had used to patch up the ship’s sails when he accosted you in the hallway.  It was almost dinner hour, and many of the crew were bustling through the same corridors finishing their afternoon tasks before meal time.

“What?” you snapped back, caught off guard by his threatening question.

“Don’t ‘What’ me.  Why have you been tripping and falling everywhere?  What kind of joke are you trying to play?”  His face was angry, livid even, not granting you even one second to explain your plight.

Your eyebrows furrowed.  “I’m not trying to bumble around the boat like an idiot.  I’m just not feeling well and haven’t been able to focus.”

Kid scoffed.  “Then get over it.”

Perhaps you were being irrational, but at the same time, you had officially had enough of the entire day.  You dropped your supplies on the floor around your feet, heat radiating off of your body in waves.  “What did you just say to me?”

Your captain bent down to be at your level, which was insulting to your current state.  “Get.  Over.  It.”

Anger boiled in your lungs, lighting your heart on fire, blinding the corners of your vision with a fuzzy white light.  You tried to turn your back to him and escape down the corridor, but yelped when Kid grabbed your wrist and pulled you back toward him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong with you?” he asked.  He really couldn’t control the sound of his voice, regardless of his current emotion, and the volume of his shouts filling the space made your body tense up in fear.  Eyes watching the scene unfold around you widened.

Around the corner behind Kid’s back, Killer darted forward, alerted to the sounds emanating from the narrow passage.  “Kid, chill out!”

“Are you going to care about me any more if I tell you?” you demanded back, trying to pull your wrist away from his grip.  His flesh hand held firm, however, almost burning your skin.  He shrugged Killer’s own hand off of his shoulder forcefully, completely ignoring his friend’s plea to calm himself somewhat.

Kid rolled his eyes.  “It better be damn important if it’s got you almost falling off of the Jacobs ladder.”

You steeled yourself, sucking in an uneasy breath and facing your stubborn partner head on.  “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death.  I’ve never been able to feel alright when I think about them.”

There was a brief, uncomfortable silence that floated between the two of you, the air in the hallway thrumming with a suffocating tension.  Kid’s grip finally relaxed on your wrist, allowing you to yank it away and rub your sore skin.  His red-painted lips finally parted, and all he graced your ear drums with was, “That’s it?”

Your heart dropped.  “What do you mean ‘that’s it’?”

“Parents die all the time.  What makes today so different?”  His narrow eyes were back to their scathing glare.

At this point, however, you had had enough.  You were practically shaking with a barely contained rage of your own as you stepped closer to your captain and spat in his face, causing him to stagger backward, giving you enough space to let your emotions bubble outward.  “I don’t have to tell you shit if you’re going to talk to me like that!  In front of the entire crew?!  Just because you’re my captain doesn’t mean you get the excuse to accost me in the hallway and berate me for slipping a few times.”  You frantically dug through your brain for words to add to your outburst, perhaps asking how he had the sheer gall to have such an attitude toward you despite dropping his walls and being so kind toward you on an average day, but all you could muster in response was, “Fuck you, Kid.”

You stepped away from him, narrowly missing another one of his lunges to get you to stay.  His voice was low and intimidating.  “Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Then don’t tell me that my day of grieving is stupid!  Fuck!  You!” you spat back, finally turning on your heels and sprinting out of his reach, down the hallway and into the ladder well into the lower deck, desperate to get as far away from your captain as possible.  You knew he was prone to struggling with empathy, and kindness had never been one of his strong suits, but to be talked to in such a way, have your feelings belittled after you had almost severely injured yourself as a consequence of your lacking mental health, hurt more than a stab to the liver.

Kid’s burning gaze followed you as you fled, harshly turning on his own heels to slink to the galley and drown his frustrations in whatever liquor the crew had acquired from the last island.  He bumped Killer’s shoulder, forcing the blonde to the side.  The crew watched as their captain rounded the corner out of sight.

---

You didn’t arrive for the dinner call, your usual seat left unfilled and the plate uneaten.  A few crew mates who hadn’t witnessed the explosive scene from an hour ago asked around for your whereabouts, but the only one who bothered to stand up and search for you was Quincy who quickly ate her meal and abandoned the table.

Kid was pounding back alcohol like no one’s business, leading to many a concerned glance.

“Kid,” Killer muttered.  He rested his masked head in his hand, desperate for context at what he had previously run in on.  “What happened?”

“Nothing,” the red-head grumbled, throwing back another mug of golden beer, some of it dribbling down the side of his mouth.

The few straggling crew members who remained around the large dining table shared worried looks.

“It’s clearly not nothing,” Killer countered.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” snapped Kid.  Even at the age of 23, he was still no better than a bratty little child when things didn’t go his way.

Killer dropped the subject with a sigh, the sound escaping the holes in his mask with a subdued hiss.

Quincy, on the other hand, carefully opened the door to the women’s bunk room where she found you, curled on your side on the mattress that used to belong to you when you first joined the Kid Pirates, your face buried in a pillow and your shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

“Darling,” she cooed, silently tapping across the floor to sit on the side of the bed, her gentle hand ghosting over your arm.  “What happened?  Why didn’t you come to dinner?”

The sound of her voice unraveled you from your coil, your tear-stained face and puffy red eyes meeting her concerned stare.  “Kid and I had a fight,” was all you said.

“About?”

You rolled onto your back, clutching the pillow that was thoroughly drenched in your salty tears to your abdomen.  “Today’s the anniversary of my parents’ death, and when Kid asked me what was wrong, he told me, ‘What makes today so different, parents die all the time.’  Like…?” your voice wavered, “Who says that?  And to his girlfriend nonetheless!”

Quincy made a disappointed tsk sound with her tongue, sympathetically rubbing your arm through the sleeve of your shirt.  “Honey, he’s stupid.  But still, he was wrong to speak to you like that.”

You sniffled, wiping some snot from your face with the arm that wasn’t being caressed by your close friend.  “I know… but it still hurts.  I wish he could just… I don’t know… be nicer to me?”

For what it was worth, both of you knew that Kid wasn’t truly ‘stupid.’  He was strong, strategic, and resilient, but when it came to matters of the heart, his brain dwarfed to the size of a peanut.  It was only a matter of getting the headstrong captain to realize how he had truly hurt you.

“Honey, sleep in here for a few nights to get a proper rest, away from him,” Quincy offered, standing up from her seat on your mattress to approach one of the wardrobes, pulling out a comfortable shirt and baggy pants to relax in.  “Let this blow over for a little while, and then you can try to talk it out with him.  We can help if you need it.”

You sat up yourself, gratefully taking the clothing from her arms, a small smile on your lips.  “Thanks, Quin.”

The curly-haired woman left the bunkhouse to let you change, passing by Killer trudging through the hallway, a towel draped over his scarred arm.  “Hey, have you talked to Kid?”

“He’s drunk off his ass right now,” Killer grumbled, dragging his free hand down his mask in a display of exasperation.  “I couldn’t get him to tell me what happened, but he’s gonna be out of it for the rest of the evening.”

Quincy bit the inside of her cheek as she assessed the first mate’s message.  “I’ll tell you.”

---

It had been about three days since the argument Kid had blasted you with in front of your crew mates, your humiliation and anger toward your captain burning a hole into your lungs.  You couldn’t contain your tears for at least six hours after your initial outburst, the grief of losing your parents in the way you had all those years ago now partnered with the anguish of screaming at Kid… and spitting on his face.  The act was so beneath you, and yet.  Dive and Hip, who had seen the argument first-hand, had helped to assure you that you weren’t in the wrong for what you had said, reassuring your stance that Kid was far too intimidating when all he wanted was a simple answer for your strange behavior.

Heat had come to you with a covered plate containing the dinner you had missed, informing you that Kid still had a very poor system of managing his emotions.  While you understood this first hand, being his partner for the better part of a year, you still didn’t believe that was a proper excuse to diminish your emotions in the way he had.

After those three days of your absence, strategically avoiding him at all hours of the day, Kid was fed up.  He needed to talk.  His bed was too empty without you.

Killer told him it would be a bad idea to call you to his quarters, but he did it anyway.  And when your anxious knocking reverberated through the thick wooden door of his cabin, he was quick to call your name and grant you entry.

You stepped in, shutting the door softly behind you, keeping your head low.  Kid stood from his mattress, clearing the floor in broad steps and trying his best to lay on the charm, wrapping his large arm around you and cooing his best, casual greeting, “Hey, babe, I’ve missed you.”

You shrugged yourself away from him, your eyes downcast.  You looked… hollow.  “Did you want something from me, captain?”

Kid felt a foreign pang deep in his chest.  You hadn’t been referring to him as your boyfriend or partner.  Right now, he was strictly ‘captain,’ and that notion left him feeling far too empty and vulnerable for his liking.

Fuck, he wasn’t good at this in any way.

Your gaze bore scorching holes into his own eyes, silently demanding the apology that you knew you deserved to hear from him.  With a deep sigh, Kid turned around and stomped back to his mattress, dropping his head into his hands.

“I didn’t know your parents died,” he blurted.

You stayed quiet.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”  His voice was a low grumble.

You suppressed a scoff.  “How about, ‘Sorry for yelling at you in front of the crew?’  Or, ‘I’m sorry for saying that your feelings don’t matter.’  Something like that, maybe.”  Your voice, in comparison, was eerily level, your time to be physically upset with the situation having expired two days ago.  Now all you were left with was an uncomfortable feeling of unease, a hole in your heart where Kid usually sat now being emptied and replaced with a barren cavern that desperately wished to be occupied by the man you loved once more.

Because you really did love him.  You knew his lifestyle, his behaviors, his tendencies toward cruelty.  And yet, he remained kind toward you.  He allowed you to open up to him and did the same in turn, and he nestled himself perfectly, albeit clumsily, into your life.  You didn’t want to lose that.

Watching as Kid clearly struggled forming those two little words on his tongue was like watching someone perform self-surgery.  His pride had impeded his sense of empathy for so long that the simple notion of apologizing was such an estranged concept for him.

How stunted.

But you held firm, remaining in front of his closed door as he kept his head in his hand, his thick fingers teasing through his slightly greasy red hair.  After what felt like an eternity, he finally picked his head up.  “I’m sorry.”

There it was.

He continued, sucking in a shaky breath.  “I really didn’t know it was the anniversary of your family’s death.  I wish I asked you about it sooner instead of… that.”

You stayed quiet.

“... Instead of yelling at you like that.  And attacking you for something that was out of your control.”  He kept his voice low, as if he was carefully picking out his words from a small bucket inside his thick skull.

After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, you released the tension in your shoulders with a sigh.  “And I’m sorry for spitting on you.  And for cursing you out.”

“No, you shouldn’t apologize,” Kid stated, finally picking up his head and gazing at you, his eyebrows furrowed.  “I deserved it, really.”  His fingers anxiously rubbed the rough fabric of his pants.  “Killer sat me down and gave me a bit of a beat down.  Physically and verbally.  Because I know I’m not good at this.  I’m not a good person.  And I really fucked up with you.”

You remained firm with your feelings, but you finally approached his bed and sat next to him, leaving a comfortable gap between your bodies that your captain, your partner, didn’t try to close.  He kept his distance from you, silently ensuring that you were allowed, and encouraged, to open up to him when you were the most comfortable.

“I just want to make sure that you actually mean it,” you whispered.  “And that you’re not just saying that without believing it.”

“I mean it,” Kid confirmed, his voice unwavering.  “I really do.”

You gazed at him apprehensively.  “... Promise?”

Silently, Kid held out his pinky toward you.

You looked at his finger, confusion glossing your features.  “What are you doing?”

“Have you never made a pinky promise before?” he asked.

Your mouth threatened to curl into a small smile.  “Can’t say that I have.”

Kid released his hand only so he could take yours, folding your fingers down so only your own pinky stuck out from your fist.  He repeated the motion with his own hand, curling his smallest digit around your own.  “It’s a promise that I mean what I said.  Killer and I used to do this all the time as kids.”

Your composure finally broke as you snorted, your own finger curling around his.  “That’s sweet…”

“The point is that, if I break the promise, you get to break my finger,” he explained.

“Suddenly everything makes sense,” you uttered, your lips finally curling into a grin.  “Don’t give me an excuse to break your finger.”

In response to your lighthearted plea, Kid raised his hand with yours still attached and pulled back down in a handshake gesture.  “Never.”

Your finger stayed curled around his as you gazed at your hand.  “I’m still kind of upset with you.”

Kid’s shoulders stiffened.  “I get why.”  After you stayed silent for a few extra moments, he finally asked, “What can I do to make it up to you?”

Your eyes bore into his once more, his gaze remaining steady as well.  “You can start by not jumping to conclusions… or being accusatory without any context.”  You sighed.  “I���m not telling you to change your entire personality, Kid, because I know who you are.  And I fell in love with the normal, regular You.  But I just ask for a little bit of kindness.”

Kid released your pinky in order to lace his entire hand with yours.  “I’ll give you more than a little.”

“Or I can break your pinky?” you asked once more, another small smile breaking out on your face.

Your partner grinned.  “I’ll throw myself overboard if you ask.”

You finally closed the gap between your bodies, tentatively laying your head on his shoulder.  “No… I wouldn’t want to lose you like that.”

[blurbfics]

There'd Better Be a Mirrorball | Azriel x OFC [part thirteen]

Summary: Azriel attends dinner. The skies provide a bit of comfort, if perhaps not clarity.

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: angst, yearning, betrayal, lying, slight deceit, Elain attempting to court Azriel, miscommunication, intentional miscommunication, conflicting emotions, Eowyn in a bad place and Azriel doesn't know what to do

a/n: its been a long minute and I sincerely apologize for that! i got busy around halloween and then with the election results I was just... too upset and disappointed to do anything. but fear not, i haven't completely lost my mojo! sorry for the delay and the slight heartbreak, i promise its gonna get better, it just needs to get a little worse (oops!), also a special shoutout to those that reached out to me to make sure I'm still alive and doing well, thank you guys so much it really means a lot to me <3

Minors, do not interact.

part twelve

masterlist

"She's been loop-the-looping around my mind

Her motorcycle boots give me this kind of

Acrobatic blood, concertina

Cheating heartbeat, rapid fire"

- Arctic Monkeys, She's Thunderstorms

He notes, if perhaps a bit absentmindedly— as he tries his very best to focus on anything but the growing nervousness in the pit of his stomach— that he’s never quite looked at himself in a mirror for this long.

His clothes weren’t too much to cry about, a simple buttoned up black shirt tailor made to accommodate not only his size but his wings as well, and his black pants were casual if perhaps a little more formal than his usual clothes. He couldn’t well go to dinner with Eowyn in his leathers.

He huffed as he adjusted the simple silver cufflinks on his sleeve, reminding himself once again that it was a casual dinner with friends in a group setting, it wasn’t a date, but the thought of sitting with her, sharing a meal with her— he wouldn’t allow himself to linger on the thought of fixing her plate for her unless he wanted his pants to tighten uncomfortably for the rest of the evening (considering he had no time to take care of the issue before dinner)— and what’s more, to possibly have the opportunity to see what she hides behind her veil made the tingles of nervousness to bite at him once again.

Fixing his hair, although he only pushed it from one side to the other and then pushed it back in frustration when it didn’t fall the way he wanted it, he pulled himself away from his reflection, figuring there was nothing more he could do and finally slipped out into the hall towards the dining area.

Before he could hear the people in the room, his shadows rushed back to him, reporting on Cassian, Nesta, and Gwyn’s attendance but not yet Eowyn’s. Figuring it was best if he came in before she did, lest she think he was late, he calmly strode in and nodded in greeting at his friends who cheered upon seeing him, already seeming a few glasses into the wine.

“Am I late?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, finding himself in a rather pleasant mood, if not to say excited.

“Just in time,” Cassian assured him good-naturedly but Azriel needed to only spare him a glance to notice there was something only slightly off about his brother. Unlike Nesta and Gwyn who seemed in rather bright spirits as they both went into the kitchen to bring more wine, Cassian didn’t seem to be drinking at all, his face a little more serene than usual.

“Surprised you agreed to this,” Cassian admitted to him when the girls were out of earshot.

“Why?” Azriel shook his head, as he took a seat, directly in front of his brother to leave them both room for their wings.

“I just.. didn’t think you were interested in her,” Cassian admitted, much to Azriel’s confusion. Hadn’t Cassian been the one pushing Eowyn and Azriel to train together, hadn’t he been the one to gossip to Rhys about his feelings, feelings he could barely even admit to himself, having been so hurt so often by his choices— and he was surprised?

But before Azriel could answer him, Gwyn and Nesta came back in, not yet tipsy but seeming just a little lighter than usual. Their light idle chatter filled the space as they set the items down, followed by the feast the house thoughtfully spawned out for them.

Nesta immediately took her seat at the head of the table to Cassian’s right, leaving her between Cassian and himself, while Gwyn sat on the one directly next to Azriel. He tried to not be bothered by it and the fact that it would leave Eowyn in the seat diagonal to him.

Gwyn grinned widely, if perhaps a bit abashedly at him as she placed the bottle down on the table.

With that action came the realization that the table only had four sets of silverware.

“Here, try this,” he looked up to find a blushing Gwyn gently stacking a small cracker with a creamy spread and thin cold cut of meat for him to try. He felt himself go pale at the forward act.

Food sharing was sacred among fae. No female shared food, especially directly feeding anyone that wasn’t already part of their families. This was solely an act of courtship, something he truly didn’t want to entertain, despite the way he’d seen Gwyn’s eyes following him wherever he went.

Azriel felt at a loss, not knowing how to proceed. What if in an attempt to spare Gwyn’s feelings, he accepted the food and gave her the wrong idea? What if Eowyn walked in and thought the same thing? But what if he disrespected Gwyn’s kind act by rejecting her and ruining the entire dinner?

Since when did he overthink things so much?

“I— thank you,” he tried to smile graciously, but both the words and his facial expression gave away his awkwardness.

His shadows flurried around him in offense at her forwardness.

He took the offered food from her, careful not to touch her as he did and took a small bite.

She watched him with wide expectant eyes. “What do you think?”

“It’s… good,” he cleared his throat to fill the silence.

“Thank you,” she blushed harder, either from his response or out of embarrassment, he wasn’t sure.

“You ladies cook all of this yourselves?” Cassian saved him, the mood lifting with his playful incredulity as he raised a suspicious eyebrow at his mate.

“We had help,” Nesta rolled her eyes.

“We?” He continued to tease, causing Gwyn to laugh lightly, eyes sparkling in glee despite the lingering awkwardness from her interaction with Azriel.

“Nesta made a beautiful layout,” Gwyn defended, waving a hand over the board containing a variety of cheeses, cold meats, and spreads. “Wynnie helped us with a few side dishes and I roasted the chicken and vegetables,” she grinned proudly.

Azriel felt his heart leap at the sound of her name. It offered him the perfect segue to ask about her.

“When is she coming? Is she alright?”

They all turned to look at him and several things happened all at once.

Azriel wondered for a brief second how anyone thought he could make a living out of noticing those kinds of things. He was supposed to be a Spymaster, for Cauldron’s sake! He was supposed to be aware of everything in every room all at once, and yet he hadn’t noticed— or perhaps, he’d  willingly chosen to ignore— that which was so glaringly obvious the second he stepped into the dining room: Eowyn wasn’t here.

Still, all he could do was gather all at once every intake of breath, the barely noticeable gasp leaving Nesta’s lips, the twitch to Gwyn’s jaw and the way her gaze dropped— every minuscule movement everyone in the room made at any given point to give away something they were hiding. Seeking what they knew.

All at once he noticed the way Cassian’s head snapped up to look at his mate, his eyebrows furrowed in a way that spoke of both accusation and betrayal. Gwyn, who was filling a plate either for him or herself froze in place and focused on the plate for a second before looking up at him with something akin to betrayal in her gaze, while Nesta merely stopped chewing on her own bite of cheese and cracker for a second before continuing her slow mastication, gray eyes set firmly on the food she was piling on her plate.

“Eowyn isn’t joining us tonight,” she said simply, all wine playfulness gone.

“Why not?” he couldn’t help but snarl under his breath and this felt much too familiar, much like when he’d snapped at Gwyn the night before as she told him Eowyn’s decision to stop training with him.

“Well, she… said she didn’t want to intrude,” this time Gwyn spoke up, seeming recovered enough to speak although her tone was more questioning than telling. He turned to her and noticed the pink tinge to her cheeks and the glow in her eye was gone, replaced by a paleness to her skin and a distant countenance. “She helped with dinner, but said she didn’t want to be a fifth wheel on our double date.”

He remained silent at that, head blank despite his boiling blood.

“I see,” he spoke stiltedly after a minute of silence.

The tension in the room could be cut with even the dullest of blades and yet there was nothing anyone could do to bring back the lightness. Gwyn, seeming recovered enough, straightened her back and jutted out her chin.  “You came because you thought she would be here?” She confirmed, although they all knew at that point it wasn’t necessary.

Azriel had made it clear to all at this point without needing to say a single word that he cared about Eowyn. Everyone knew. It wasn’t a secret he was trying to keep, he cared about her, that much they all knew. Just how much he cared, he was only starting to figure out himself.

“Yes,” he replied simply yet honestly, wanting nothing more than to get up and leave the room and possibly hunt Eowyn down and demand an explanation.

He thought back to the conversation they’d had that day, attempting to recall her wording.

She’d told him the girls were making dinner and asked if he wanted to join. He wanted to both kick himself for not confirming her presence and scold her for not correcting him when he said he’d see her at dinner. Wanted to rip his own heart out to justify the unrelenting pressure on his chest.

“You love her,” again, she stated rather than asked. 

Azriel remained silent however, and that was all anyone needed to know.

—

He considered going straight to the library and storming into her office to demand an apology, but most importantly, an explanation for her clear deception. 

After the disastrous dinner he’d been blindsided into joining (a rather brief encounter) he found himself taking to the skies instead, needing to clear his head.

He considered everything that had happened in the last few days, or rather, the last few months of his life.

He flew for hours, relishing in the exertion on his back, the soreness of his cold wings, but all he could think about, every possible thought he had, always led back to her and how she’d crept her way into his life

He’d found her…interesting at first, that he couldn’t deny. 

He’d always noticed a quiet spark under those captivating black eyes, a certain knowing look that was both thrilling and challenging in a way few dared to look at him with. She was a breath of fresh air and she was a mystery to him, and the more time they spent together and the more he uncovered the layers that made her her, the more he grew immeasurable fond of her.

He’d sworn, after his brief disappointing fling with Elain, that he would not allow himself to fall in yet another pit of unrequited love.

He’d sworn off females for the sake of his growing desperation for belonging, for a mate, and he’d given up on seeking it and trying to force it to happen with females that were either uninterested in him entirely but were too kind to tell him straight off, or were barely interested in something short while and empty.

That had not been the same with Eowyn. Mostly because his interest in her wasn’t based off of his attraction to her (at least at first) but derived from a curiosity that might’ve remained friendly if not slightly distant had they not spent almost every day together, training in the morning and as of more recently, spending a few hours together in the few and far between occasions he wasn’t needed elsewhere. 

He had subconsciously sought her out every instance he could, and while the itch to see her hadn’t come to him all at once, it was undeniable and ever present now.

While he was self-aware enough to admit that his attraction to her hadn’t spawned in a day, but through the small intimacies shared, the trust and friendship they’d built, as there wasn’t anything licentious rooted in their relationship. He hadn’t salivated after her like some kind of beast, hadn’t even considered crossing any lines with her that went beyond their respective roles as trainer and trainee, for despite the fact that priestesses in Prythian weren’t generally considered pious and virginal maidens, these priestesses were special.

This group of females resided there to stay away from males lusting after them.

Eowyn was never outwardly flirtatious and outspoken, but she was also not meek and docile. 

She was like an impending storm, she was the anticipation between a bolt of lighting and its following thunder. And like a raging rainstorm that had begun in the furthest distance, raging closer with a speed that bade it impossible to escape yet took it’s righteous time to flank him entirely, the tempest was upon him now and despite his careful precautions, he was now caught amidst its chaos and found he never wanted to leave after witnessing its splendor.

He cared not about mates, not anymore. 

He didn’t even care if she didn’t want him the way he wanted her, he simply found he couldn’t be without her. It was beyond the fact that no one truly understood him like she did, no, it wasn’t about him. It was about the privilege of knowing someone like her. 

He’d had a taste of divinity every time he was near her, and he didn’t know how he would go on if he could no longer be by her side, in whatever way she wanted him.

He couldn’t be selfish, not when it came to her. He didn’t know what had been done to her, didn’t know if she was interested in males, interested in him, but he would never expect anything of her. Not when it came to that.

In his roiling thoughts, he wondered if he’d come off too intensely in their last few meetings. He wondered if he’d scared her off by hovering over as close as he could to hear about her well-being. He wondered if… wondered if his pathetic attempt to kiss her had made her think he was an animal of a male who sought nothing more than sex.

He wondered if she cared about him even half as much as he cared about her.

With his jumbled hurt and angry thoughts that merely circled and intertwined in his mind, he found no answers to his growing list of questions and doubts. He was, however, exhausted after flying for five hours straight, and found he couldn’t feel properly surprised when the shadows he’d left behind to guard the library entrance rushed to tell him Eowyn was waiting in the greenhouse.

She sat with her legs crossed on top of a sturdy windowsill at the furthest wall, looking outside with her back to the entrance.

He bit his tongue to hold back from scolding her for it, for her lack of precaution and safety.

“You’re angry,” she stated, rather than asked. 

Not wanting to risk snapping at her and driving her further away, he remained silent.

She sighed at his lack of response and twisted around to face him, although it accomplished nothing as he noted that despite her loose hair, her face was still covered entirely so that he couldn’t even see her eyes.

“I would be too,” she continued.

“Would you,” he snarled through his teeth.

“Yes,” she replied immediately, latching onto his response, “I would. Because what I did was idiotic and insensitive—“ 

“Don’t do that,” he cut her off, “don’t try to empathize with me by putting yourself down.”

She stilled and her back straightened, suddenly looking away and he noticed for the first time that she sat next to Thelxie, and that the once bright and proud flora now dropped sadly at her side, wilting.

She turned to him fully then, legs hanging over the side, back straight and if he could see her eyes, he knew he would see them looking straight at him.

She only gave him a brief nod before speaking. “Ask your questions then.”

Again, he was faced with the closed off and cold Eowyn. He narrowed his eyes at her in disbelief, a pang of guilt and self-deprecation eating at him as he watched her put her true mask on and push him away. For a second, she’d acted like herself, if perhaps layering it on rather thick to get on his good side, but could he not even express justified anger at her clear betrayal without her slinking back into a shell of who she was?

The anger that had been directed at her suddenly turned inward and he chastised himself for it, for he knew better than to allow a blinding and useless emotion such as anger get in the way. He breathed deeply and tried to let the rise of emotions ease into a steady stream.

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t,” she replied, her voice cool and tempered and he realized that in the few seconds it had taken him to calm himself down, she had used that time to do the same and strengthen the walls she erected around herself. Dammit. “Everything I told you about my father— about myself, is true-“

“Not that,” the wave of anger tacked him yet he relented against it, for he’d had much time to think and he now came to realize that although she’d clearly made rather important omissions to her story, she had been truthful in everything she’d shared. Intimacy like that could not be fabricated. “You think you’re so clever, inviting me to dinner with Nesta and Gwyn and not correcting me when I said I’d see you there?”

She remained silent for a beat and he knew, without seeing her face, that she was gaping at him. “I- technically, that’s not a lie—“

“Eowyn,” he snapped.

She sighed, “I’ve no excuse for that,” she spoke quickly and sharply, “that was just me being a coward and not wanting to explain everything after training, and, well-“ she turned her head to look at her plant, gathered herself and spoke with the same speed, if perhaps a bit stiltedly, “Gwyn likes you. That’s all I would hear, every time I came back to myself from those horrible visions. She was by my side and she would tell me you were waiting outside the library walls, always so attentive and caring, and always so kind to her and anyone that would share a bit of news of your dear friend, and she asked me if I— if it would bother me if she asked you to dinner, and why would it? She’s the kindest fae I’ve ever met, she’s brilliant, she’s funny and sweet and beautiful and you deserve nothing less—“

“Eowyn—”

“-and I know I should’ve asked you first,” she nodded quickly, hands fidgeting in her lap, “I know I should’ve, but I was so weary… so tired, and I didn’t want to talk about what the herbalist said, and I just wanted you to give you both… an opportunity.”

If he thought his emotions were jumbled before, they were nothing but a mere puddle in the raging ocean within him now. “Eowyn, that wasn’t your decision to make,” he stated simply, unable to hold his words back, even as she nodded again and hung her head, “do you think I don’t know how she looks at me? You think my shadows don’t keep me aware of her reactions— of anyone’s reactions to me? I’ve been the target of people’s lust just as often as I’ve been the object of their hatred, their fear and disgust. I don’t mean to sound arrogant,” he frowned, feeling uncomfortable speaking in such a haughty way, “but if I wanted Gwyn, I would be with her. She is not the one I want.”

Eowyn gripped the windowsill tightly, her back ramrod straight. “You’re right,” she spoke after a moment of silence, “I’m sorry for deceiving you and for just— going about this all wrong. I should’ve asked you. She should’ve asked you without me being in the middle, but she thought she could trust me and I went and fucked it all up.”

“She should have asked me herself,” he found himself agreeing, listening to her breath as it halted for a beat longer, her only tell in an otherwise unmoved reaction. “That way, I would’ve been clear that I have no interest in her.”

“Right,” she murmured, sufficiently agreeably if perhaps dismissively, “are we not going to talk about the pegasus in the room?”

And while he wanted to push and prod at her to understand why she was actively trying to push him onto her friend after their own day together in the obsidian cave, he knew the subject could not be ignored for much longer. 

“Are you a witch?”

She sighed. “It’s complicated,” she pushed herself off her seat and paced in front of him, one hand resting on her hip while they other pinched the bridge of her nose, “everything I told you about myself is true, I haven’t lied about that, but—“

“Are you a witch?” He repeated.

“Yes,” she snapped, and stopped pacing for a second before she continued, “or I was. I don’t have access to my power anymore.”

His eyebrows furrowed at that, “why not?” And while he was at it, “and why didn’t you tell me?”

“Out of safety,” she turned to him and he couldn’t see her face but he knew that if he could she would be looking at him with incredulity. “You’re telling me you wouldn’t have told your High Lord I’m a witch the second you knew? As a matter of fact, why haven’t I received a visit from the High Lord?” She crossed her arms and looked around as if Rhys would spawn out of thin air.

He frowned at her. “I haven’t told him, and I find it quite offensive you’d suggest otherwise.”

“Is it?” She tilted her head, “don’t you ‘live to serve’?”

His frown deepened, not liking her tone, “don’t use my own words against me.”

“Oh that’s right,” she continued, “you needed to confirm with me first, right? Well go ahead and tell him what you want, it’s not like I’d be of any use to him anyway. I have no way to access my powers even if I wanted to.”

“Stop that,” he scolded, “stop trying to antagonize me.”

“I’m not,” she snapped, suddenly standing before him with her arms crossed over her chest, chin tilted up and he knew that her obsidian eyes were looking straight at him, “I’m simply stating the truth, and if I’m being entirely honest, I don’t blame you: having a witch at your disposal would’ve been helpful during the fight with Hybern but unfortunately for you, there was nothing I could’ve done to help you.”

“I haven’t told Rhys,” he repeated, needing her to understand that. “I wouldn’t.”

“But you thought about it,” it wasn’t a reproach, it was a statement of fact. She knew him well enough to know his duty always came first to him. He was a soldier, he was a warrior and not only was he loyal to his High Lord based on his unfaltering belief in him, but he also held an innate sense of pride in his Court that was as deep-rooted as it was repressed, having been an outcast to his own homeland. Eowyn knew him well enough to know he would have at least briefly considered going to Rhysand.

“It’s fine,” she repeated, almost to herself as if it were a mantra, “Not many… know about that. Only Clotho and now you, but I’m-” she sighed and shook her head, “I’m not who you think I am.”

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” He took a step forward but stopped when she took a step back.

“I just told you,” she snapped again, but it no longer sounded as firm and decisive as before. “No one knows. No one is supposed to know, and if you knew even half of what I used to be… of what they all expect me to be, you wouldn’t be having this pleasant little conversation with me.”

“Then tell me,” and although his tone was firm, it was out of desperation and need more than anger and frustration. “Nothing you can tell me will change what I know-”

“You-”

“—because I know you and don’t you dare say I don’t. I know you, Eowyn-”

“No, you-“

“I do,” he insisted, refusing to let her cut him off, “I may not know all the details of what you’ve done or what you’ve been through,” and when he stepped towards her that time she didn’t pull away, so he gently took one of her hands and held it between them, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles in a soothing caress, “but I know who you are.”

She remained silent and said nothing more for a long moment before pulling her hand away from his.

“I’m sorry… for what happened today,” she began and the way she collected herself and shifted slightly, looking over his shoulder and towards the door told him she had not and would not budge on the subject, “it was a mistake.”

taglist: @lilah-asteria , @a-courtof-azriel , @honk4emoboyz , @feyretopia , @mrsjna , @buttermilktea11 , @bravo-delta-eccho , @kylieinwonderland , @adventure-awaits13 ,

[takenbypeter]

Hi! I was wondering if you’d be able to do a Willy Wonka who falls in love at first sight with the shy daughter of the chief of police? With Willy being so eccentric I’d love to see how their relationship would work out! Maybe she saves them from the chocolate cartel? Or in the vat of chocolate at the church? It’s up to you

I hope your having a wonderful day 🫶🏻

Being More Courageous

Willy Wonka x reader

Words: 3520

First off i do apologize cause this turned into less shy reader and more, self-conscious reader idk, this fic kind of drove me crazy cause long fics ALWAYS drive me crazy

The chief of police.

Your dad.

While some might find that job to be respectable, in your eyes it was just like any other job. Except recently your father has been coming home with more and more chocolate which is slightly concerning considering how addicted the man was to it. Nonetheless, he was your father and no matter how embarrassing he was those were the facts.

Now because your father was the chief of police, of course that meant sometimes he was needed on duty unexpectedly. And this was one of those times.

He was driving along with you after picking you up from a late evening out, (in his uniform as always), when he got an unexpected call. You didn’t catch much of the conversation, but all you knew was that it sounded important.

“We have to make a pit stop,” he said once, ending the phone call. Putting on his sirens and driving to a nearby location he stops, parking the car a short distance from a pop up cart.

Although the cart seemed small there was quite a crowd growing around it.

Of course however, once your father strolls up, the crowd disperses and your father begins to discuss with whom you can only presume to be the owner.

You watch the two exchange words, before another familiar officer, Officer Affable, pulls up as well.

Sitting there in that car, with nothing else to do, you can’t help but observe the boy.

The owner looked young. Possibly your age.

He was dressed in a shabby mulberry jacket, and a strange patterned scarf. On his head was placed a worn hat, but underneath that lay bouncy dark curls.

Despite his flavorful fashion, he still appeared well kept and the more you continued to keep your eyes on him, the more you began to recognize how attractive the boy was.

It seemed like he could sense your gaze that was stuck on him because in the next moment, his eyes shifted past your father while they landed on you.

At the sudden contact your flight, fright, or freeze kicked in, and you did the last unable to look away.

In that moment everything else disappeared.

No sounds could be heard, nothing else could be spotted, all your focus was on him.

Still warped in, you watch as the boy slowly raises a hand and his fingers move in a daze like wave, and feeling compelled to do so, you waved back.

It was an odd feeling for you. Most people didn’t pay you much mind. But this? This felt different.

You father, readjusting his attention from Affable to the owner, noticing how disconnected he seemed. Once following his gaze and noticing that it was on you, your father snapped his fingers in front of the boy’s face causing the connection to ultimately break.

You watched your father’s hands thrash about, clearly upset, as he made gestures that looked threatening. You observed from your seat as your father aggressively pointed a finger at the man, then at you, before saying one final thing and making his return back to the vehicle.

Curious, you question, “what was that about?”

“Just some chocolatier wannabe causing trouble.”

Your father turns on the car and begins the journey back home.

“Chocolatier?”

“Yeah, calls himself Willy Wonka.”

“…Willy Wonka,” you repeat, taking a quick glance through the side view mirror. Your father continues on about who knows what, because honestly it all just sounds like background noise to you at this point. All you can think about right now is the chocolatier called Willy Wonka.

After that you genuinely didn’t believe you were going to see the man again. Of course you wanted to, but after the warning your dad had given him, you figured he scared him off, that was until two days later when you were in town.

You were taking a stroll, when you spotted a crowd much like the other day. Suddenly growing nervous at even the possibility of spotting the boy you couldn’t help but gnaw on your bottom lip. Would he recognize you? No, tht’d be ridiculous. But, overcoming the nerves and doubt you mustered the courage to at least watch from the back.

Making your way over and taking your place as just another face in the sea of peoplem you watched as he spoke with customers exchanging his goods for their sovereigns. His eyes glanced around to take the next customer but his eyes stopped on you and once again there was an odd connection between you two just as before.

He quickly looked down, grabbing something you couldn’t exactly see. “Listen one and listen all,” he recited, gaining more attention, “for a new chocolate has gained my all.” He scanned the crowd. “It’s candy made to make your wildest dreams come true. So say, you’ll do?” He stopped, his hand open towards you.

You glance around making sure you’re not being misled as it takes you a moment to realize you’ve been chosen. “Me?”

“Yes. You with the lovely eyes and the beautiful smile.”

Oh god, you did not like this.

Being the center of attention, having everyone’s eyes on you. But pushing forward you move to reach out for the candy…when a loud whistle interrupts your actions. And of course that was your dad along with other officers.

Willy Wonka gives you a short wink, “till next time,” he says before hurriedly closing his shop.

With one final wave he runs off down an alleyway with his pursuers on his tail. The crowd separates returning to their own lives and you notice something interesting.

Someone wheeling Willy Wonka’s shop away. Not in a stealing sort of way, not in a hurried manner, but in a calm sort of setting. And curiosity gaining the best of you, you go after them.

Keeping a safe distance you follow all the way to an unfamiliar location. With a close eye on the presumably worker, you watch as they bend down and lift up a sewer lid.

Legs now moving before your brain you take slow and quiet steps, no longer hidden as you near the whole situation.

After a moment you hear a grunting noise and the same Willy Wonka pops out from underneath. Your jaw drops beginning to put the pieces together. Feet still moving forward, you watch in shock as he places his arms on both sides of the ground. Just as he pushes himself out…crackle. The snow you’ve stepped on suddenly cracked under your foot, revealing your location. Curse Mother Nature who betrayed you at this moment.

You let out a tiny, “eep!” Your shoulders are hiking, now frozen once again while the two pairs of eyes turn to you.

You don’t know what to say, you don’t know what to do, you’re just still, hopin your invisibility skills kick in. But, of course it doesn’t and Willy Wonka’s shocked face eases into one of recognition.

He turns to his partner in crime and says something you’re unable to hear but she nods, packing up the cart and leaving. Willy Wonka makes his way towards you, “I know you.”

You stand, still shocked about the whole situation as your eyes follow his movements that appear curious. He tilts his head at the lack of response, “cat got your tongue?” He asks in a genuine voice.

Snapping yourself out of it you speak, “no I’m just…surprised you remember me.”

He smiles, causing your eyes to avoid his, “of course I remember you, lovely eyes, beautiful smile…it would be hard to forget.”

Your breath hitches for a moment before you relay a nervous smile with a wave of your hand brushing off his words. Motioning to move past but he doesn’t.

“Don’t be so modest, it’s true.”

And at the continuation of his words you laugh, truly unable to hold eye contact with the boy.

“So you followed us here—although I’m delighted you did so, I’m curious what for?” He asks and you look up to see him waiting for an explanation, “are you here to rat us out? Give away our location?”

He walks up with each interrogating question while your face contours upset that he would think that way of you. To be fair though, he didn't know anything about you so the thought was valid. Wanting to say something, anything to deny the accusations you blurt, “no, of course not! I just—I didn’t get to try your chocolate.”

He makes a small ‘oh’ noise before returning to his cart, which wasn’t too far away, and once finding it he returns with the said item. Taking a bite of the chocolate, it’s easily noticeable that the rich flavoring is unlike anything you’ve ever tasted. Still with the chocolate spreading along your taste buds you ask him, “is it true you have a dessert that really helps with being bold?”

“Of course!” He confirms enthusiastically before taking a thought on it, “but what would you need that for?”

What don’t I need it for? You think to yourself recalling the many accounts you wished you had boldness. You didn’t mind being shy and too yourself, but there were always some moments you wished you did things differently.

Instead of dropping that whole bomb on the poor man, you give him a smaller, less important reason. “I don’t know…I hear you go on loads of adventures for your chocolate, that requires boldness and confidence. I wish I could do that. My days are fairly routine.”

“Let’s change that,” he leans close a little closer than you expected, “what is something you’ve always wanted to try?”

Now, you’ve thought of things you’ve wanted to try before but of course, now that someone was asking, nothing came to mind. Well, that plus the fact you couldn’t think all too straight with the short distance that was between you two.

“I don’t know.”

He leans back and you breathe out some air you unconsciously were holding in.

“There has to be something!” He encourages, waiting for an answer. At his ushering and one more, “come on,” from him you finally come up with an answer.

“Okay, okay,. I guess I’ve always wanted to sneak into a place after closing.”

“A place?”

“Yeah, a place. Anywhere, as long as it’s after hours.”

He grins at you mischievously, “easy, peasy.” Willy Wonka reaches down taking your hand and tugging you behind him as he begins to guide you through the streets.

“Wha—Right now?”

He doesn’t reply.

“Willy!”

“Adventure is spontaneous!”

He had a point there. Curious to where he would take you, you caved choosing to follow the boy.

He led you to the town library, a place you were very familiar with.

“Willy how are we going to get in?”

He turns around shaking his head, “that’s for me to worry about. You wait here,” he instructs running to the side of the building disappearing around the corner.

With him gone, it gave you a moment to think for yourself, breaking and entering. Was this really what you wanted to do? It did seem fun but what of the consequences? Was it worth it?

The door handle shifted bringing your attention back to the present before it opened revealing Willy on the other side, “come in.”

You do as told and once inside the nostalgia hits. Now, as mentioned before you’ve visited this library many times, back when you were a child, but it has been awhile.

Your hands brushed some books as you glanced around taking the air in. You didn’t realize how much you missed it. “Hey!” Shouted Willy calling you over. You spent the next hours stacking books, reading them, and acting them out, eventually building a small fort with the few blankets in the lounge area as you read out loud from a child’s book you used to read often.

Once finished you notice him on his back staring up at the ceiling and you lay down mirroring his position.

“You amaze me Willy.” You say comfortably.

“Oh?”

“There’s nothing you can’t do, frankly it both amazes me and annoys me,” you joke.

He lets out a single laugh of his own, “well, that’s not true.”

“Sure seems that way, you’re not afraid of anything or anyone.”

You both stare up in silence, at the blank canvas of the white ceiling.

“I can’t read.”

It takes you a moment to process this new information, and when you do, you sit up, body shifted towards him. “You can’t read?”

He shakes his head with a thin smile.

Instead of prodding which is what your initial response is, you lay back, “that’s alright. Makes me like you more knowing you have a flaw.”

He laughs, the light-hearted sound echoing in the room.

“Well then maybe I should list off some more of my flaws.”

You can feel your cheeks warm a little by his phrasing before you remind yourself to relax, as he’s just teasing. Luckily you don’t have to think of it too much because he brings up another statement, “you did this without the help of my Giraffe Milk Macaroon, and you claim to have no boldness in you.”

“Well yeah this is different.”

“How so? What’s holding you back?”

“Fear,” you answer having thought about this question multiple times.

“Fear? What are you afraid of?”

“People. Saying the wrong thing, being in someone’s way.”

“Hmm,” You hear from beside you, “I don’t think my macarons will help you there. Their effect helps in certain situations, not for a lifetime.”

You let out a little sigh, knowing no magical delicacy is going to fix your feelings.

“But, maybe with the right people, you can gain that desired courage.”

“…Maybe.”

You both spend your time well into the night before Willy has to return and together you return the books back to their rightful places and leave.

Willy walks you close to your residence before saying your goodbyes.

And that night you returned home feeling well, feeling both confident and happy about your decisions.

You were happy.

The next time you end up meeting Willy it’s a casual run in at the fountain. Honesty you were surprised in running into the boy not expecting to see him out and about so late. However, here he was.

You two chatted about simple things really.

“You always mention how you don’t know how to converse but you always do it easily with me,” he mentions after a few minutes of you discussing.

“Well yeah with you it feels simple.”

It was easy talking with him. You didn’t feel like you had to be cautious or hold your breath, everything was natural and he easily matched your energy.

“Well,” he takes a sovereign and tosses it into the well and your jaw drops because times are rough out here, “I’m making a wish here and now that you overcome your fears. And when you’re feeling nervous or anxious take deep breathes and think of this feeling now.”

In that moment you, with the support of his words that lifted you, you felt brave. You felt confident. With no fear stopping you, you stepped forward, pressing your lips against Willy’s.

There’s a slow reaction on his part no doubt due to being caught off guard but soon you separate from the man. And as you do, you realize how much more surprised he seemed than you initially thought.

“I’m sorry, I hope that was okay.”

He opens his mouth to respond when a familiar car pulls up. And once close enough you recognize your father as he gets out.

He looks absolutely furious.

“Dad.”

He plants himself in front of Willy, “go wait in the car, I have to talk to Mr.Wonka privately.”

Although you don't want to, you do, deciding it to be the best for the situation, but not before sharing a look with the chocolatier first.

Once in the car you watch the two talk just as before. At least that’s how it began. It all took a turn once your father grabbed Willy’s head and shoved it into the cold water of the fountain. It was all so sudden, you never expected him to do anything like that.

Thankfully he didn’t keep him under long but it was all such an odd thing to witness. You saw them talk more, or more accurately your father chat more before making his way back to the car.

You couldn’t believe he did that.

Once back in the car your father wastes no time in addressing the elephant in the room. “Really? Him? I thought I raised you better.”

You rolled your eyes at the spiel you expected yet hope you wouldn’t have to hear. “You’re running around with that scoundrel? I really don’t know what happened, but you’ve changed. Don’t go near him, he’s a troublemaker.”

You don’t know if it was the constant noise from your father or the fact he was talking ill about someone you cared about. But you couldn’t take it anymore, “he’s not a troublemaker,” you say with gritted teeth.

“What?”

“He’s not a troublemaker. He’s an honest hearted man, doing honest hearted work in the world and trying to bring people peace of mind. You always said that’s what the world needed more of, but now here it is and it's like you’ve flipped. You don’t know what happened to me, well I don’t know what happened to you?” You finished sinking in your seat and crossing your arms angrily.

You knew you pushed it, no matter your age, no matter how angry you are, you never talk to your father like that, but you couldn’t help it he was so wrong.

Your father drives in silence and you can be sure you get some sort of discipline once you’re home, but you stand by your words.

After that experience you don’t see Willy and you don’t hear of him. You grow upset, because either your father has scared him off, or if not that, you’ve scared him off with that unexpected kiss you practically threw on him.

You cringed at the memory of his expression now regretting being bold in that moment.

Eventually you hear about a mess at the town church. And with you already being in the area you go to investigate the odd story and sure enough there’s a great crowd of no doubt a funeral, (as they’re dressed all in black), standing outside as the doors remain shut.

You watch it all happen as familiar faces come and get the giraffe and it's at that point that you realize something peculiar is happening you just don't know what.

You watch the other towns chocolatiers enter, and then around the side you notice a strange orange looking fellow enter. Deciding you wanted to be apart of whatever was happening you follow him through the side entrance.

Inside you spot the orange man, going into the confessional and you watch through the small holes as he pushes something before the whole confessional descends.

Although a little fearful you follow the man and once the elevator reaches the bottom you jump as the smaller man stands directly across, staring right at you.

“If you wanted to help you could’ve just asked,” he said and you blinked a couple times.

“I’m sorry do we know each other?”

“Do you know me? No. Do I know you? Yes, I am always aware of Willy Wonka’s associates. We could stand here getting to know each other but I’m afraid your associate may need our assistance, and frankly I don’t really want to know you.”

Although initially offended, you listen as the orange man gives instructions and fills you in. Moving to the side, you hide in the long hallway while you wait as the so-called chocolate cartel come out only to walk right by you.

When that happens you put the orange man's plan into action. You do as told following his instructions, turning wheels and pulling levers.

Poking your head in you watch the chocolate drain while the orange man goes towards the exit telling you to follow him.

You do as told and follow him to the center of the floor noticing the chocolate drain as Wily and Noodle initially express surprise then thankfulness as they wave.

Eventually they come out and everything is revealed: the cartel, the chocolate payments, your father, it all comes to light.

It’s a sad sight seeing your father change and get taken away but maybe it’s what had to happen. You glance around noticing the joy in everyone’s faces as they share part in the chocolate fountain.

Wonka steps beside, causing you to say, “guess that's it then, that’s everyone’s happy ending.”

He tilts his head slightly, “not entirely.”

You go to ask him what he means by that, but he cuts you off with a kiss. It was much like yours, short, and unexpected. But unlike before, you reciprocated.

Once he distances himself from you, he recalls, “I hope that was okay.”

“More than okay.”

[omniscient-wanderer-of-worlds]

Strength | Banda Sunato

Pairing: Banda Sunato x Fem!Reader

Author's note: Hi, my exams are not over yet haha, but I'll just drop this here for those interested.

I try to make it readable as a standalone fic but there is a part 1 and (part 2).

Word count: 2.1k

Warnings: Weird relationship (it's Banda, a serial killer), Violence? (Still aib), potential spelling/grammar mistakes? And soft Banda idk, suggestive themes but no mature content

Summary: Banda Sunato takes his girl to the Jack of Hearts game and is impressed by her strength.

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You were falling. A pit formed in your stomach from the suddden height difference you were experiencing and it left you wondering if this is what one of those attractions at the amusement park felt like. You only knew that people descibed it as moving down in the elevator and felt that this was indeed an accurate analogy.

You hadn’t willingly dropped youself off the edge of the building, but were trying to escape the other player who had tried to steal your key and you fiercly hoped Banda knew that as well. Well, you weren’t really in any danger anyway, you thought to yourself. Luck is always on your side, right?

And sure enough, your dress got caught by a street light hanging from the side of the building, which slowed down your fall. You threw a glance beneath you and sighed at the moment of impact. A convenient a trash container filled with soft trash bags allowed you to survive without a scratch again.

“Thanks”, you said out loud to no one in particular.

You looked around. Now the real issue is going to be trying to get out of the container and back into the building without touching the floor. Though you had faith in your unrealistic luck, you knew the rules of the game and were not going to test your luck either.

The main problem was that someone did take away the key that you had to find, meaning you had to find another one if you wanted to leave the premise alive again.

And just as you thought about it, a key fell into your lap. You couldn't help but laugh. Someone up there was really overdoing it huh. It's kind getting unfair at this point, you thought amusedly right before a rope dropped into your lap.

You looked up in surprise. “Sunato!” You happily exclaimed when you saw his head hanging out the window.

“There’s four minutes left, hurry up and tie it around your waist.”

“I knew I’d be fine,” was the first this that left your mouth when Banda pulled you inside through the window. His hands stayed in a firm grip around your wrist but he shrugged.

“I know. You wouldn’t leave me.” He stated in a whisper in your ear when he leaned in to undo the knot in the rope around your waist.

“Where did you get this new key from? Did you find it or steal it?” You couldn’t help but ask. He smiled. “Whichever makes you sleep better tonight.” He answered humorously, looking down on you. You swatted his chest with a frown.

“Not the old lady though, right?”

“No, that would upset you.” He reassured you.

You huffed and grabbed his hand. “You better know it.”

He lead you out the room the same way he got in. Across several chairs, a table, a matrass laying on the floor, a dead body that you recognised as the guy who stole your key, and then onto the handrail of the stairs to slide to the floor below.

You held your breath and pulled up your feet, careful to not let the strange synthetic material of the game-specific shoes go within an inch of the floor where you could see a sheen of red light of lasers.

You didn’t really know what this relationship was between you and Banda, you realised while walking away from the game venue in silence, still hand in hand with him. You were partners, as he called it. He’d made it pretty clear two months ago that you were to stay by his side because you were his. In return he kept his promise and introduced a variety of things to you. Lots of things happened in the past two months and despite everything, you stayed.

Even after getting the opportinity to leave when you were both taken to some warehouse by the brother of one of Banda’s victims in the real world. The unknown man had let you go after beating you up and ‘confirming’ that you were just Banda’s next victim. You’d played along, walking out with a relieved face and then came back with a gun. You weren’t planning on killing anyone, just wanted to scare them.

When Banda was released however, he had ripped the gun from your hands, turned you to face him to pull you into a kiss, and pulled the trigger. You’d been upset with him for a while and he'd sworn to you that he had only killed the guy for your sake.

Everything was for you. Killing the innocent lady because she was slowing everyone down, including you. Killing the two creepy men because he sensed that they made you uncomfortable. Killing the person that tried to stab him, not for attempted murder on him, because that person tried to take him away from you.

In a sick way, it made you feel safe and cared for. So of course you stayed. And though you weren’t sure of what your relationship with Banda was exactly, you were happy, you decided.

You were slumped half on top of him, your face in the crook of his neck. He had one arm wrapped around you while the other was drawing circles on your bare back. “Why is it so noisy outside?” you grumbled.

Gunshots? No, it's more... sparkly. After taking a moment to let your brain wake up as well, you sat up straight. “Is that firework?” You asked Banda, and glanced down at him to see that he was enjoying looking at your chest. You covered yourself with your arms and opened your mouth to repeat the question when he answered.

“Someone cleared the 10 of hearts game. They announced that the next stage of face cards will start at 12 noon tomorrow.” His eyes flickered across your face and he was pleased to note your excitement which matched his own.

You jumped up from the bed and ran to the window to admire the fireworks lighting up the sky. The view from this hightower apartment was perfect. “Sunato, do I get to pick the first game?” You asked and pleadingly looked at him.

He’d gotten up as well and was standing behind you, chest pressed to your back. “Which one interests you?” He asked before he dipped his head down to your neck to start a trail of kisses. His lips curled up in a smile when you responded.

“We could start with a jack of hearts.”

You slept until you heard loud bangs. This time it was gunshots for sure. Banda looked alert and you quickly slipped on a new unripped dress while Banda went to grab a knife from the kitchen. When you looked to your left, you saw a card move by. The king of spades?

You made the mistake of walking towards the window and looked out it. Before you could even register the enormous blimp moving past the building, you were met with a barrage of bullets.

Despite having closed your eyes, moved your arms in front of your face and having ducked, your eyes were stinging with pain.

Banda, who heard the gunshots, followed by your screams, ran in while avoiding bullets and grabbed you under your arms. He proceeded to practically drag you across the floor to another room.

Banda grabbed your face despite your whimpering. There was glass in your hair and you had gashes all over your face. Some were quite deep like the one across your eyelids with more pieces of glass stuck inside them. Blood was dripping from your wounds into your eyes.

He quickly scanned you up and down to check for bullet wounds andd when he found none, he shook his head in relief. He then chuckled. Despite everything, your dress was still spotless.

"My eyes feel like they're getting stabbed", you choked out.

Banda nodded, not that you'd be able to see it, and went to wipe your face clean as best as he could. The king of spades had stopped firing at the apartment. He probably moved on to find new targets.

Banda opened your eyes forcibly and saw that they were bloodshot. You jerked your head out of his grasp and clamped your eyes shut again.

The gash on your eyelid had reopened when you opened your eyes and blood started seeping into your eyes again.

"I'm going to wrap bandages around your head. Keep your eyes close." He instructed and you did as he told you. "It's going to be alright though, isn't it Sunato?" You asked, trying to get some reassurance.

"I'm not a doctor." He said. Well there goes faith.

Unbothered Banda continued. "We need to make way towards the jack of hearts venue. We'll be safe from the king of spades there."

You shook your head. "I can't see though, I'm going to be a bother." You felt him grasp your hand and he pulled you up.

"I promised you that you're safe with me. Trust me." He said. "This just makes things more interesting, alright?"

You thought about it for a moment. "Well if you put it like that," you laughed. "I guess you're right. It's a new experience for sure."

Banda sqeezed your hand in agreement and as if to say he was impressed by your ability to stay strong. Your hold onto his hand tightened as he lead you to the streets in the direction of the blimp wiith the jack of hearts card.

Even though you'd seen death before and weren't nearly as bothered by it as you should be, he found comfort in the fact that you couldn't see the scattered bodies across the street.

"Are we there?" you asked. The two of you had stopped walking. "What does it look like."

"It's a prison. This will make for an interesting game." He said and you could hear him smirk. Banda pulled you along. "Let's go."

The voice registered you two entering and started giving out instructions. Despite the bandages that covered your eyes, the phone was still able to go through with facial recognition.

With the collars in place, you and Banda moved up to the central area.

"Guess the suit on the back of your collar after each round." The voice explained and you whipped your head into Banda's direction. "I will try to open my eyes and tell you your suit." You immediately said to him.

"No". He immediately interjected. "It's going to be fine. You're a human lucky charm after all."

You nodded your head and listened to the rest of the explainations of the game. When it ended, people immediately started to group up and you were starting to get anxious again. How was Banda going to guess his suit correctly?

Just as you were stressing about it, a voice behind you interrupted your thought process.

"She can't tell you your suit so I'll tell you yours if you tell me mine."

You frowned and were about to ask him who he thinks he is for adressing Banda so directly and impolitely, but Banda spoke up before you could.

He let go of your hand and stepped forwards to what you guessed was the new guy. Though you disliked the guy's tone, you hoped Banda would accept his help as he needed someone to tell him his suit. You released your breath when he did.

Banda introduced you as his partner and the guy introduced himself as Matsushita. They told you your suit and started to tell eachother their suits.

"I'm going to get something to eat" you announced and put a few steps into a random direction when you realised you had no idea where you were walking to. It had been a while since you've been this helpless, you thought to yourself bitterly. So when Banda put his hand on your lower back to guide you, you snapped at him. Annoyed because it reminded you of your life before the borderlands. Always men in suits guiding you back inside the building, watching your every move.

"I'm sorry Sunato" you immediately apologized afterwards. "I wanna go on my own." You explained and he seeemed to understand. "Follow the wall to your left. Keep going straight." He simply replied. You nodded and walked off.

"These cookies are really good." You heard coming from beside you. You hadn't realised you sat down at a table next to someone else. You felt the stranger push a package of cookies in your hand.

"Thanks." You said, gratefully.

Thinking about it, you hadn't actually conversed with anyone in the past month except for Banda.

You nodded his way as a thank you and got up. Before you could leave the room, he called after you. "You should disinfect those wounds. Wash out your eyes and get rid of the glass. It's also better not to cover your eyes with a bandage, let it breathe." Chishiya didn't know why he said that. Maybe because you seemed familiar. He'd ponder about that one for a while.

You followed his advise and had Banda help you. It benefited you to walk around without bandages because you were able to discern light and dark.

When the hour passed, Banda walked you to a cell. "Sunato" you called to him. "See you in a moment." You felt a pat on your head in response.

"Well then, please state your suit."

You sighed relaxedly. You trusted Banda so this was easy for you. "Diamond."

For a second nothing happened and then the door behind you buzzed. You stepped back, stumbled over your own feet and fell the the floor. "Fuck" you whispered as you got up and hopped on your right leg while you clutched your left ankle.

The door behind you was ripped open. Before you could turn around and ask who it was, you felt Banda hold you. His heart was beating fast and you realised you must've worried him by not exiting immediately.

"I knew I'd be fine." You said and turned around to him. "You wouldn't leave me."

Banda grabbed you by your neck, pressed his lips against yours aggressively and pushed you against the wall, his other hand on the back of your head to brace the impact.

You reciprocated the kiss and wrapped your arms around him, while his moved and lifted your dress up. His hands roamed your body and finally settled on your sides, pressing himself against you.

Matsushita had seen Banda rush in your cell and was now patiently waiting outside for the both of you. He jumped at the sounds that came from inside, and when he looked through the small gap in the door which confirmed his suspicions, his eyes widened before immediately averting them and hurrying away.

'So they're partner-partners', he thought to himself, and he shook his head, trying to shake the image away.

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 13 - No More Like That

prev - chapter 1

Seventy nine hand written notes. That was around four per day being delivered to Hosah's home address.

Every single one showed a new side to the killer, some detailing their warped view of the world around them, how angry they were, how upset and hopeless it all made them, others listing minute facts about Hosah's daily life that he himself barely took notice of, the things he did unconsciously and without realising. It was cases like these that the shifter found the most difficult, because he was able to empathise with the sick and depraved.

People like this didn't deserve sympathy, a phrase Hosah had heard time and time again, but there was something so uniquely wrong with the stalker that he just couldn't help but see the situation from all kinds of different angles. These kinds of monsters aren't just born sick, surely.

One note stuck out in particular, the rest were quite lengthy, taking up both sides of the pages they were written on, but this one was just a few words in a Get Well Soon card, 'Stop hurting yourself, and I'll stop hurting others'. A sentiment Hosah had found himself extremely familiar with, stop this self destructive behaviour, for me?

These statements meant little, if anything, to the shifter. He didn't get himself into shitty cycles of abuse for the people around him, it was all completely selfish, therefore only a selfish motivation could convince him to quit it, surely. The truth was, Hosah hated himself more than he loved others. He saw all the beauty in everyone around him, blinded by the rays of light that excreted from every stranger he passed on the street, it was his innate ability to find the ugliest parts of himself that made him able to see the desirable parts in others with such ease.

Hosah was only about half way through the pile of letters that had been left on his doorstep over the past few weeks, and he wasn't sure if he could continue to sit and read for much longer.

"These are fucking delusional.." Teddy wheeled around on his chair as he flicked through the few shorter notes in his hands, "I still can't believe you haven't been told to stay home, you know, for your safety."

If there was one thing Jules wasn't going to do, it was care about her employees livelihoods,

"Well, I'm their golden ticket to luring this guy in. Human bait, if you could even consider me that." The words scattered throughout the writings had started to seep their way into the shifter's psyche, his humanity becoming more and more debatable by the second.

Hosah laughed as he spoke, but looking back up at his assistants face, he could tell the giant was being deadly serious with his previous statement.

Teddy leant in, keeping his voice down, "We should chase Boss up on that. It's not right, keeping you coming back here, I mean they know where you work, where you used to live, it's only a matter of time before they follow us back to my place."

"There's no point. I can't lose this job, I.. Where else would I go?"

"She wouldn't fire you. She can't do that."

"But she would, she will, you don't understand," Hosah felt his throat tighten with every word he said, his big brown eyes now glossed over with tears.

"What don't I understand? Please, I want to know why you're so scared to stand up for yourself here." Although the words on paper seemed cocky, the tone in Teddy's voice was about as pure and genuine as it could get.

"There's nothing for me here. Jules did me a huge favour even considering giving me a job here, it's a miracle I like doing it and I like the people here. What other place in the city do you know that'd take on someone who can't do shit half the time?"

The pit of hopelessness in terms of making a living in this world was one Hosah had long found himself falling down, an endless rabbit hole of despair that the shifter would most certainly never have the ability to escape from. Sure, this job sucked, he had seven day work weeks for most of the year, he became the target of the depraved and disturbed, he was financially and probably psychologically abused by his boss in some way, but this was his only choice in society. You help the people in the same situation as you, or you sit around in suffering, waiting for someone else to come and save you. And if there was one thing in the world Hosah valued over anything, it was feeling like a hero.

Teddy sat in the quiet of the room for a moment, the cogs in his brain turning, leaving his face visibly deep in thought about whatever in the world Teddy thinks about.

".. Do you think people would pay a lot for your paintings?"

The question was a ridiculous one, one with an obvious answer, so obvious in fact that Hosah almost laughed out loud upon hearing it.

"God, no. I'd be lucky if anyone took any of them during a burglary." If that was the case, the shifter had struck gold with his stalker.

"I'm being serious, Hosah, your paintings are really amazing. I bet you could make a living just from selling those alone."

"I'm not giving up my likelihood to pursue some.. fantastical dream career path." In all honestly, it was the consistency and the routine that Hosah was more bothered about having to give up.

Despite all of the negatives in the field, being a detective gave Hosah purpose. It gave him a reason to get up and to take the subway every morning, because if he didn't, who would be there when one of his brothers or sisters in this world needed him?

"I didn't say you had to, over the weekend, let's go to.. I don't know, where do you even sell paintings, an art gallery? Let's go to a gallery and sell them one of your pieces."

The idea truly did sound lovely, and the thought of being praised by a professional in the field was one the shifter was particularly keen on, but simultaneously, the fear of judgement and criticism was overwhelming. The fear of not knowing what the people at the gallery would say was truly terrifying, and Hosah knew terrifying to its core.

The shifter sat silently, eyebrows furrowed as he weighed up his options. All of the pros and cons, which paintings would he even want to sell at all, what he'd do if things were to either go incredibly good or devastatingly bad.

The quiet of the near empty office space left Teddy with a feeling of unease, an urge to fill the void with whatever words came to his mind first,

"If you still like the idea of going back to Colorado and getting a quiet place together, it'd be best to start the saving process sooner rather than later."

Of course he still liked the idea, it was one he went back on a thousand times in a day, obsessing over the tiny details, making sure everything in his brain's personal palace was just as he'd left it.

Returning to the islet when things were too much in the real world was something Hosah did far more often than he'd like to admit. The term maladaptive daydreaming had been thrown around a couple times when he was a teenager, but he preferred to not really think in medical terms when it came to his brain's activity.

Being zoned out in his own little world was the shifter's safe haven. In that little boat on his way back from fishing all day, laying out for a moment, feeling the sun bask down onto his bare skin, even the summer's bugs couldn't bother him in this universe. Instead of paying attention to his reality, he would listen to the soft breeze against the lake, the bubbling of the fishes below the surface, tracing his fingertips across the cool water under the wooden structure he lay afloat in.

That was the hardest part of this decision, if he were to make his escapist fantasy a reality, would it be all he'd made it up to be in his head? Would it live up to his expectations? How could he be expected to share his dream with someone else, would Teddy even appreciate it like he did? It would probably ruin his entire existence if his only coping mechanism was to be ruined, he needed his cabin on the lake to survive even a day in this world.

"... We can think on it more later." was Hosah's answer. He couldn't help it, suggesting grandiose ideas far too soon just to weasel out of them when the prospect of them becoming reality brought back up again.

Sometimes Hosah wished for him to become comatose, or maybe a hollow, lifeless shell of himself only kept alive by breathing machines, just so he could retreat back into his own mind, living in that little cabin on the lake, without having to actually commit his physical form to the life. Locked-in syndrome didn't sound too bad at all.

The following Friday night was unusually quiet, the shifter was expecting a big bang after the fiasco that was the previous day, but it was all so eerily mundane. There was nobody waiting in the dark corners of the tunnels Teddy walked through on his way back to the, now shared, apartment. There was nobody tailing behind them as they approached the building itself. It was as if the stalker wasn't real at all, the entire situation being a massive, long lasting nightmare that Hosah had mistaken for reality.

As he sat on the same pillow he lay on previously, the shifter wondered why he should even be worrying in the first place. Sure, maybe he heard his name being said in large crowds or in the queue at a cafe, maybe he felt eyes on him constantly, even when completely in isolation, but when he really payed attention, it was evident that he truly was just alone. Who even had the time, or, as a matter of fact, who even had the patience to sit and watch his boring old life anyway.

Each note they had left gave such precise detail, facts only Hosah himself could know, things he hadn't even realised he did, the more they added up, the more unsure the shifter felt. It was stupid, there was cold hard evidence that there was someone following his every move, but Hosah couldn't help but doubt himself and the whole situation. Imposter syndrome was something just about everyone experienced, but this was to a whole new level. Being so separated from your own achievements that it even spreads out into the acts that are working against you, inadequate of deserving even the harshest abuse.

All of these questions, but the most prominent one being, why him? Not in a self pitying way, not in a way that would imply he was too good to be treat in such a manner, but why did he of all people on this planet attract such intense fixation. There was nothing truly amazing or special about Hosah, any of his coworkers would've probably been much more interesting to observe under a microscope, so why him?

Hosah was so lost in his confused daze, he spoke without even realising it, "I'm scared it's something I've made up in my head."

"Sorry?" Teddy, who was half way across the room, asked for clarification on what the, barely legible, words his roommate had just said exactly were.

"I'm scared none of it is real."

"..What isn't real?" The giant sat beside the throw pillow, his voice much softer now,

"The person stalking me. Why won't they do anything. I don't... I just need them to do something to my face, to know I'm not crazy." Hosah's arms covered his face as he went on, hiding his mixture of fatigue and fear that littered his pathetic expression.

"I can vouch for you, that whoever it is that's out to get you, is definitely real... Not- Not to scare you of course, but, I mean, there's no denying it really."

"I just need to run away and forget any of this ever happened. I need to forget New York, forget everything that came before it too, I just- I need to get out, you know?" The shifter rambled, rolling his body closer to the pale, coarse hand beside him.

"Can I come with you, or does 'any of this' include me?" Teddy joked, but the twinge of sadness in his voice gave away how he was truly feeling.

Hosah thought for a second, wondering if his genuine thoughts would be a little too intense to unload onto his assistant,

"I don't want to be too much but," The shifter sat up, a much more serious look about him than before, "I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I left without you."

Despite their last topic of conversation being quite dark and terrifying, this comment couldn't help but turn Teddy's concerned look into an uncontrollable smile.

The lack of verbal response from his roommate made Hosah feel as if he had to fill the air with clarification on his last statement,

"I mean, I think..." How to word exactly how he felt was the main issue,

"I think I'd spend the rest of my life wondering 'What if'. What if I said this, what if I did this differently, what would've happened if I stayed. That would really mess with my head. We have.. something. And I don't want to run away from it, for once."

The shifter's face progressively reddened as he spoke, unable to control what he said as he suddenly found exactly how to address how he felt toward the giant.

An air of stillness and anticipation filled the cluttered room, with Teddy's face being hard to read at best, whatever the giant was thinking, it was a mystery to Hosah. It was as if he was transported back into the elevator where they first met, as the shifter longed for him to just say whatever thoughts he was having in that moment.

After what felt like an eternity, Teddy just laughed, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

Damn. How low is the bar?

Hosah was stuck between a 'You're welcome' and a 'Thank you', instead deciding to just not say anything at all.

-~-

The art gallery was weirdly quiet, to say it was the weekend and New York was in fact the world's first mega city, at least. Most people were probably tending to the consequences of their Friday night, managing some of the most indescribably unpleasant hangovers you could think of. Hosah was glad to be in an art gallery at twelve o'clock on a Saturday afternoon, knowing if he were to go back a year or two in time to this exact date, he'd probably be in the other boat.

He'd never actually been to this particular establishment, or really any galleries at all during his stay in the city. In order to calm his nerves for when it came down to actually trying to sell one of his paintings, Teddy had agreed to do a quick look around at all the other pieces first.

Hosah sat in the scarf as he had been doing much more recently, his top half poking out so he could still actually see as they toured around. One exhibit in particular caught the giant's attention it seemed, as he turned down the corridor labelled 'Shifter History Exhibit' with a big arrow pointing in the direction they were headed.

The shifter had never really been all that interested in history, especially when regarding how he would've been treated fifty or a hundred years ago, but seeing himself reflected in the renaissance era was a cool thought.

It wasn't like being a shifter was a new concept, given that the gene had existed long before humans had the resource to log any medical records or research, but it was a foreign idea to treat those with the condition with the same respect you would just any person on the street. Hosah didn't get it. If they saw him on his commute to work every morning, they wouldn't think twice to consider whether he truly had the status to consider himself human, but when he was shrunken, that was an entirely different story.

He could've sat and gotten himself annoyed at the absurdity of how people treat their peers for their differences, but it would've been a waste of time. Instead, Hosah lifted himself back out from under the scarf to take a look around.

The piece Teddy had been looking at was one of those weird little macabre medieval tapestries, where, despite the gory imagery, everyone seemed to have the same neutral dead-pan expression. This one in particular wasn't bloody at all, though. A lady and her tiny child, it seemed. Unlike all the other pieces from this dark age period in the gallery, this particular painting was very sweet. It made Hosah think there was a time in the past where not everyone like him felt as if they were aliens or unusually sentient creatures that just so happened to share a lot of features with their human counterparts.

Looking at all the tidbits of history that surrounded him, the shifter was reminded of his middle school education. Everyone in his class turning and looking at him as the topic of shifters came up in their history classes, learning that, if he were to be born in a different era, he would've been nothing more but a piece of entertainment to the people around him.

The killer wasn't doing anything unheard of when he'd used the anti-growth drug for shifters that go giant rather than shrinking on the sort of shifters on the opposite end of the spectrum, in fact, its a common practice even in todays age, where human trafficking amongst shifters was almost to be expected if you let too many people know what you are.

"I always really liked this era of art." Teddy sighed, the few people also in the exhibition probably thinking he's crazy as he was seemingly speaking to himself, "Makes me happy to think that humans have always made silly art in silly cartoon-ish styles."

"I think they just were all kind of shit at drawing. Too busy, I don't know, slaying dragons or whatever." The shifter observed, ready to move on from the specific painting.

The giant laughed, still fixated on the piece as he spoke, "Who do you think was the one who painted it, the mother or the child?"

"Read the context under it, I don't know."

"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today?" Although Teddy was joking, it was very true, the shifter couldn't sleep at all the night before, it was having its effects on his attitude.

Instead of apologising for his rudeness, Hosah decided to stay silent as his assistant to read out the little plaque that sat under the painting,

"Painting by Misery Carpenter in collaboration with her son Connie. Gothic illumination art estimated to have been created from as early as the year twelve hundred up to twelve fifty."

Hosah stopped to really look at all of the minute details, realising that, yes, this was indeed a collaboration piece it seemed.

“Looks like her son painted himself, whilst she painted herself. To scale probably, it’d be hard to get all of those details with giant hands.” The shifter observed, lifting himself further out from under the fabric to look closer.

“Seems that way,” Although Hosah couldn’t see Teddy’s face from where he sat, he could tell the giant was smiling as he said that.

The pair took in the painting in all of its newfound glory, Teddy realising that he had more to say on it that he’d initially thought,

"Isn't it weird how we just sort of stopped giving our kids names like that? When I was younger, I used to walk around graveyards a lot, just looking at all the headstones, there were so many names like that, one I always remembered was a woman called Morning Star, from the eighteen hundreds."

His rambling sort of put the shifter at ease, little things that would've gotten on his nerves a few minutes ago were now able to be overlooked, filling him with a weird urge to actually apologise for his sour mood, which was something he'd never felt the need to do before.

"..That is weird. Sorry I've been out of it all day, I'm just nervous." It was true, Hosah was very, very nervous to find out whether his art was truly worth what his assistant had exaggerated his skills to be.

Finally, the giant moved on from the creepy painting, heading toward a glass casing filled with the tiniest pottery one could imagine,

"It's okay. We can always try a smaller scale place if that'd make you feel better. Maybe go to a marketplace first, where people aren't gonna instantly think critically, you know?"

Uninterested in seeing any more, Hosah retreated back into the security of the scarf, "Yeah, that sounds good."

It could’ve been out of doubt for the shifter’s talents, or it could’ve been out of genuine care for his nerves, either way, Hosah appreciated the sentiment and would much rather prefer his pieces hang on the wall for someone to wake up to every morning rather than have hundreds of people observe it briefly every day.

Still, in supposedly peaceful and safe moments like this one, Hosah couldn’t help but get his mind stuck on the person who had been following him. A sudden and unprompted wave of guilt washed over his entire form as he came to the terrible conclusion that, this could all be some kind of trick. Something to throw the detectives off the killer’s trail, something to get them so worked up and paranoid about that they run away from the investigation.

“It’s a red herring,” The shifter muttered, frantically trying to get his assistant’s attention.

Rightfully, Teddy was confused, “They just look like ceramics to me.”

“Not- not that, the notes, the package, the gun, the breaking and entering. They’re not after me to kill me, necessarily, they’re trying to throw us off of the case. Get us too worried about my safety to work on it.”

“You think?” The uncertainty in the giant’s voice was nothing but agitating to the stressed shifter, “Seems like a lot of effort to go to, lots of research, lots of time writing the letters,”

“I’m serious. I’m- It all adds up. It’s all- It’s not- I don’t know. They’re never really here, no real true physical threat, it’s always leaving trails and shit behind my back. I don’t know, I’m probably not-“ Hosah rambled, before an interjection,

“No, I trust you. I think we should look into the idea more, before we make any rash decisions.” Although Teddy’s logic was appreciated, an input from the shrunken detective’s higher up, Jeanne, would’ve probably been more useful to him in that moment.

That was the thing with Jeanne, he could tell you the sky is purple and you’d stop to consider his point. He was blunt, his words often having no tone at all as he said them, but that’s what made him come off as such a credible source. That, and his years of expertise.

“.. You’re right. You’re always right. Can you just tell me what to do, step by step, for the rest of my life?” Hosah sighed, a twinge of restlessness in his voice as he spoke, curling himself back up in the crook of the neck, beneath all the layers of the deep red fabric that complimented the giant’s cool toned skin and auburn hair.

Teddy laughed at him, as he usually did when the shifter said stupid shit, like his previous statement, “I don’t know, I think I’d prefer if you made your own choices.”

“I don’t want to anymore. Just direct me, I’d live better that way.” The thought of never having to think for himself again was quite the peaceful one, in Hosah’s opinion.

Maybe the theory was one the shifter had come up with exclusively to put his mind at ease, but in the brief moments where he believed maybe, just maybe, every piece of real and raw evidence stacking against his idea was all just to distract him from the truth, he could finally breathe.

[edosianorchids901]

We're In This Together

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - "found family"

“And don’t forget,” Satan said, flat black eyes pinning Crawley and the other demons in place. “We found each other even in the Pit, cast out from the light of Heaven. We’re all in this together.”

Crawley’s legs buckled as the gaze focused, the weight of Satan’s anger at the whole universe pressing down. Pain shot through Crawley, and he gritted his teeth.

Satan loomed closer to their group. “And anyone strays from our new path, we will find them again. We’re all a family now, and disloyalty will not be tolerated.”

Another wave of pain, a vicious threat. Bitterness rising, Crawley struggled to keep his expression neutral as they all chorused agreement. In Heaven, Satan had encouraged questions, challenging authority, stepping out of line. Now…

“And you, my darling little Crawley.” Satan approached him, and Crawley fell to his knees with a gasp of pain. “You’ve excelled at your duties, so you’ll be returning to Earth. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that you’re any less a part of this family.”

Crawley didn’t want to be part of any “family”. The Archangels had said similar shit, shortly before they kicked him into free fall for asking questions. Hell was no better. He just wanted to be on his own.

But he bowed his head, shivering. “Of course, my Lord. I’ll… keep excelling, yeah?”

“Of course you will. You know better than to disappoint me.” A fresh wave of anger, and Crawley whimpered. “Don’t you, darling?”

“Yeah, I… definitely don’t wanna disappoint you, or anyone else. I’ll just pop back to Earth, then. Get to work. Got loads of work to do, ideas of tempting things to… tempt people with.” Crawley tried to cut off the panicked babbling and failed. “You know how it is, all those ideas. Gotta try ‘em out, see what works. But the humans are being really fruitful, multiplying, all that jazz. Got plenty of people to test temptations on.”

Satan gave an indulgent laugh and patted Crawley on the head, eerily reminiscent of a human parent. Then, reminiscent of the worst human parents, he struck Crawley hard across the face.

Crawley slammed into cold stone, wheezing, tears welling. Blood trickled from his throbbing nose. He just laid there, waiting for Satan to move off and torment someone else.

No. He definitely did not want to be part of a family.

Crawley went back to Earth. He chose a spot under the shade of date palms, far enough away from any humans. Then he sank down to the sand, wrapped his arms around himself and pulled his knees up to his chest, and surrendered to the violent trembling that so often hit after visits to Hell.

His breaths turned quick and shivery, not drawing enough air. Tears stung his eyes again, and he huddled tighter. The trembling grew worse and worse, so convulsive that his teeth clacked together.

The rapid beat of his heart surged faster, racing. He rocked, desperate, gasping. “Nonono, please, please…”

There was never any help. There could never be any help. The price of keeping everyone at a distance, of staying safe, was that no one would ever help him.

He shook more and more violently, until he couldn’t even stay upright. Pain crushed his chest, and he crumpled onto his side. He curled tighter, tears pouring down his cheeks now, frantic sobs tearing loose.

“Crawley?”

Crawley tried to scramble away from the voice, but he only succeeded in sprawling more haphazardly in the sand. “Stay away from me! Get the fuck back!”

“Oh!” The voice sounded upset—and familiar. Aziraphale. “Oh, dear fellow, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“I don’t… I can’t… breathe.” The tears fell harder, and Crawley curled up again. His whole soul ached with longing to call out for help, but how could he? How could he trust anyone to help, even an angel who had always been kind to him? He wasn’t in it together, not with anyone.

But Aziraphale moved closer, sandals crunching across the sand. He sank to his knees in front of Crawley, kind face rumpled with concern. “May I help?”

Crawley opened his mouth to tell him to fuck off, and sobbed instead. “I don’t know. No one… ever helps…”

He bit off the words, bracing for a blow. Every time he’d been around anyone, seeming kindness quickly turned to unexplained cruelty. Especially when he was stupid enough to be vulnerable.

“Oh, you poor dear! Hush now. It’s okay.” Slowly, Aziraphale sat beside him. Crawley flinched. “I won’t harm you, shh. Here, why don’t you put your head in my lap? Or you can curl up here, and I could hold you?”

Crawley gave him a suspicious look. “Why?”

“It’s what humans do, when someone is scared. I-I like watching the families.” Aziraphale ducked his head a little, as if the admission made him embarrassed. “They always seem to like physical contact.”

Crawley’s only recent experience with physical contact was being struck or beaten for no damn reason. But something tugged at his heart as he listened to Aziraphale. “Sounds nice, but m’ kinda… frozen.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. It is an awfully chilly wind, isn’t it?” Aziraphale laid down beside him. Crawley flinched, but the violence never came. Instead, Aziraphale curled around him, holding him close. “There, how’s that? Warmer?”

Oh gosh, he was sweet. Crawley didn’t have the air to correct him, so he just nodded. Shuddering still wrenched through him, the terror of Hell too much to chase off even with help. He’d have to wait for it to subside on its own, like always.

But being held did feel better. Family might not be so bad, if it was made up of just the two of them.

[fandommissingmoments]

Physics Lessons (Dylan Lenivy)

Back home, Dylan had always found it easy to fall into the role of nerd. Sure, there had been times at school when he’d rather have figured out that he was good at anything else. Times when he hated that it was the frequency of radio transmission that stuck in his head, and not things that had larger followings to talk about. But summer camp changed all that. At Hackett’s Quarry he could be anyone he wanted to be. Nobody knew him, so if he decided he was going to be the funny man, he could take that plunge. If it failed, who cared? He’d never see those people again, and those that might have stayed in contact would be the good ones who wouldn’t care that he was a fulltime nerd as well as a funny man.

A week into camp, and Dylan thought he was doing well. Not once had somebody called him a nerd - at the very least, not in a malicious way. He laughed with Jacob even though back home he was the sort of jock he’d have avoided. He’d learnt to take the brashness of Kaitlyn on the chin because she was like that with everybody and not singling him out specifically. He’d even managed to speak to Ryan about a love of radio without coming on too strongly about the science behind it all, and the history that had been his obsession since childhood.

A young girl sat on the log near the fire pit. None of them were meant to be out, but he’d been tasked with the job of tracking down any wayward kids to make sure they were back in time for dinner. Emma had jumped at the chance to check the island with the treehouse, and that left him with the coast.

‘Hey,’ he said softly, hoping not to make the girl jump. She gave a start, but forced a small smile onto her face. The kind of smile he recognised as somebody trying to hide that they’d been upset. He tried desperately to remember her name. ‘You OK, Georgie?’

The girl nodded, the gesture slightly too much to be sincere, as she stood up.

Dylan shook his head and dropped to sit on the log beside her.

For a moment, he wondered if she might dash off back to the canteen herself. But, with a sigh far deeper than should have been possible for her, she dropped back to sit.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Prince was teasing me,’ she said, her attention on the toes of her shoes as she scuffed them in the dirt. ‘Said only nerds like physics.’

‘And there’s a problem with nerds?’ Dylan asked softly.

‘The way he said it there is,’ she grumbled, but he could see the tears glistening in her eyes. ‘I thought it’d be different here. But no. There’s…’ She looked at him quickly, a kid trying to find a word mean enough without swearing because she worried she’d get scolded for it.

‘Jerks?’ Dylan offered, before mentally berating himself. Mr. H had told them to be role models, that probably wasn’t the best way of doing that.

A small smile curled onto her face, and it made the comment worth it.

‘You know, cool people like physics too,’ he assured her.

‘Like who?’

Dylan took a breath, tried to school his features into something sincere enough that she’d understand he wasn’t just saying things to make her feel better. ‘I do.’

Georgie’s eyes widened dramatically. ‘You do?’

Dylan nodded, shifting on the log so that he was looking at her face on; she shifted to match him. ‘It’s how I got into the radio,’ he admitted. ‘But I wanted to be an astronaut when I was kid. So I tried to learn everything.’ He absently rubbed his jaw. ‘Radio kind of distracted me, though.’

‘Woah,’ she breathed, before her brow furrowed ever so slightly.

‘The only reason,’ he said, sensing where her thoughts had strayed to, ‘I’ve not done anything about it here, is because I thought people’d hate to think about school.’ He pulled a face, if only to gain a giggle from her.

‘But you would?’ Her eyes were bright, and Dylan wondered how anybody could have thought teasing her was a good thing to do. He made a note to tell Nick about it, to suggest that maybe Prince did some more sprints or something if his team lost. That was assuming Prince even liked the sports practice and wasn’t doing something else with his time.

‘If people want to learn, yeah. Now,’ he said, resting his hands on his knees and making a show of how difficult it was for him to stand, ‘I’m starving. Dinner?’

Georgie jumped up, the sadness of earlier seemed to have completely disappeared from her. Pride swelled in Dylan’s chest; perhaps if she could be brave enough to be herself at camp, he might find the courage to do the same eventually. But for now, having helped her with that was enough for him.

[stuiie]

Hi sweet girl! I hope you are feeling better now and that you're taking care of yourself. Remember that there are enough people that care about you!

It took me an embarrassingly amount of time to read the new chapter and try to formulate my thoughts on it. For some reason, my brain does not want to cooperate with me, so I apologize for this not being like my usual "reviews". Despite that, I still want to let you know how much I enjoyed the chapter. Just like Ducky, I kinda forgot that she's still a college student and officially living in the dorms 😭 To me, she's already such and integral part of Nat and Wanda that it feels totally normal for her to live with them.

First off, I completely understand Duckys frustration regarding Yelena. She had a successful conversation with her and then suddenly Yelena is still "ignoring" her, in Duckys mind. I can see why she is frustrated and upset about it.

Second, her going to Peppers place again makes sense after her sadness and frustration boiled over. She just wants her best friend back, so I can't blame her. She also just wants to prove to everyone that she can handle things herself.

Third, as much as it pains me, Wand and Natasha had every right to be upset with Ducky and question their trust in her. Sadly, she really messed up, even though it is understandable why she did it. She's human, after all, everyone makes mistakes at some point and ends up hurting their partners whether they want to or not. Healthy relationships can and will work through this!

I think you handled this incredibly well! The emotions of Ducky, Nat and Wanda's hurt, the fight. It all felt so natural and honest. I can't wait to see where you are going with this!

Oh my God honey you are so incredibly sweet 😭 Thank you so much for your kind words on my last ask! That really means so much to me. You have no idea.

Hi my darling!

I’m slowly getting better—my mental state improves a little more each day, though I’m still struggling with sleep. I just hope this upward trend continues and that I can avoid falling back into that dark pit again. Thank you so much for reaching out and caring—it means the world to me 🥹💕

And don’t worry at all, my friend. That chapter was incredibly hard to write, so I can only imagine how difficult it was to read, let alone write a review on. I completely understand the struggle, but I’m so grateful you sent one anyway because I truly love the chance to get a glimpse into your experience of the chapter. It’s such a joy to have these discussions with you, and I always look forward to seeing how you react to each update.

It means so much to me that you were able to put yourself in each of their shoes and see the weight of what this might do to all of them. So much was happening, and the emotions were running so high. The purpose of the chapter was to show just how messy things can get when communication breaks down and how easily emotions can escalate beyond what the situation might warrant.

Thank you so much for your kind words—they really do mean the world to me. I’m beyond grateful that you continue to enjoy the story.

And please know I’m still so incredibly proud of you and so happy to see things finally falling into place for you. I truly want nothing but the best for you and wish you all the happiness in the world 💗

[tojamesandwilliam]

Morning both😊 🌄

Another long post 📫 😴. I'm at work with currently nothing to do , it's 9⁰c and so cold. 🙃 I was thinking about telling you a little bit about our early days together and what kind of bonds we had.

James I'll start with you because you are my first born. From the day you where born you never left my side , you where the best friend I never had , you weren't just my son you where and still are my whole world. We did everything together and you went everywhere I did. We met some friends on the way but they got lost when you went into the system with your brother William. But that's OK. We did messy play every friday morning at 10am we loved it , we played in the sand pit , had fun in the ball pit and made so much mess with paints and glitter it was beautiful!. After it finished we either went to the shop to get lunch and a Thomas the tank engine magazine or we went on a bus ride and went to see your nan juzzzy and your great grandma , they didn't live far. Then we'd have visits to the big park and watched the tennis players. You played in the grass and it was so warm. We got ice cream in the cafe and went home to play. You had two guinea pigs lacey and bumble we used to clean them out together and make them fresh bedding , you got the hay everywhere!. The most memorable thing was when I fell pregnant with your brother William , you didn't really understand it well until I gave birth to him and bought him home , you where amazing to him , I included you where ever I could , you helped hold the bottle to feed him. Gave him lots of kisses , came over when he was upset , you are the best big brother anyone could have james and I'm proud to call you my son .

William gorgeous this is for you and yes that is your nickname too!.

Our time together was cut really short baby. Because of everything that happened we don't have many memories at all , but the few we have are just as precious. You where also my best friend aswell as my son , you came and did everything with me & your big brother James. We went through alot , when you where born you had jaundice that required phototherapy , it was so upsetting for me , but it was just me and you and I always loved to talk to you about how much I loved you both and how lucky iam to have had the opportunity to carry such beautiful children. I did a mini photo shoot of you in the hospital and you had a sweet little egg sleepsuit on I loved it. Your first Christmas with us was lovely, it was just me , you and James we gathered around the tree together and placed the ornaments on the tree , you loved seeing the lights go on. James enjoyed himself too!.

You had such a sweet little laugh and it made so many people smile. All 3 of us ended up in a safe house just before I handed you over , it was far away and the nearest supermarket was 10 minutes away , we had a massive snow fall on our way home from the shops and I really struggled to push the Pushchair through it all , it was such a laugh. James was throwing his blanket everywhere, it was crazy , we did easter shopping there you got new outfits and tons of eggs!. The rest was all a bad memory for us all.

I tried I really did , but in the end I was kidding myself to think I could be enough for you . You both deserved a big family , stability and most importantly someone who wasn't so broken they couldn't even look after themselves , although the memories are lovely , it was bittersweet , being your mummy to you both was the best time I've ever had in my life , bringing you into this world, carrying you for 9 months worth every single second. I'd do it again in another life time , I just wished I waited for you further on in life found the peace and happiness I have now. High insight is a beautiful thing.

Lots of love ❤️

[truublood]

✧ she understands his hesitation at first , which is why she doesn’t make any sudden movements. the vampire tries to mentally and emotionally prepare herself for the worst ── whether he attempt to take her life , exile her from their camp , or have something otherwise cruel to say , she expected any of those things. does she feel she deserves it ? not in this moment. in general ? perhaps.

what jessica didn’t expect was for him to approach even closer , kind words offered , and even less expected him to call her a friend. she was lying to him , to all of them , this entire time. was he not angry ? she is always so used to people being upset with her about something , and usually it’s about something she has no control over whatsoever. she didn’t ask to be this way. her own expression softens , until she releases a short breath of a laugh at the idea of something scarier than her being out in these woods right now. her mascara is running with the blood contrasting against pale , white flesh , but the tears aren’t necessarily sad anymore. the word friend has offered hope , and a small smile is quick to be brought to her blood - stained expression , ❛ so you’re not gonna try to kill me then ? ❜

with just that short revelation , jessica is immensely alleviated ( at least she has one person she can trust , at least she really hopes , and she tends to see the good in most people ). maybe it’s foolish , but the vampire swiftly closes the distance between them. she has to hug him , she has to. he has no idea how much weight just being kind to her has lifted from her shoulders. her embrace comes abruptly , resting the side of her face against his chest and wrapping her arms around the middle of his torso tight. she pours all of her appreciation into that hug , ❛ thank you , i would’a really hated if i had to kill you , ❜ she mutters against his chest , sniffling as a few more tears fall free , and then she remembers.

❛ oh , shit , ❜ she pulls back , and sure enough she’s left blood on his clothes. granted , there’s other blood that isn’t hers on him as well , but still , gross. immediately , she pulls herself away , apologizing , ❛ i’m so sorry , gods , you’d think i’d be used to this by now , but i am so ── not. ❜ she tries again to rid her face of the thick tears , but again they only smear. at least this time , they’ve officially stopped coming. ❛ did the others take it this well or are you just a crazy person ? ❜ she tries to joke , but she’s also very hopeful they took it just as well. the anxiety of them coming back with pitchforks gives her an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

▰▰▰▰▰▰▰ @sunderdust ﹕ 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐚 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠.

✧ it had been too long since jessica had fed before her fatal attack , what choice did she really have ? it was either her , or her attacker. it was impulse , as that blade pierced straight through her abdomen and out of her back , and the blood pooled , with nowhere to escape but from her throat , choking and gagging. it was a dying , animalistic thought that made bright blue eyes darken with feral instincts as large fangs clicked into place , quickly sinking into her attacker’s throat. an artery opened , and flooded her with revival. the body fell limp , and the sword was removed with a scream of pain , followed by the wound quickly closing on its own.

jessica didn’t stick around long enough for the confrontation , her senses flooded with adrenaline and anxiety and euphoria from the blood all at once ── immediately , she was overwhelmed. she was gone in the blink of an eye , shifting into mist and making her way back to camp. the terrified looks on her companion’s faces were enough for jessica to begin to seriously worry about her safety around them. could she take them ? possibly. does she want to kill them ? fuck no. she likes them all so much. the thought of them being afraid of her and not trusting her hurts her in ways she can’t describe. she has worked so hard to be a good person , to fight against her nature.

the vampire is overwhelmed by her fears and her worries when she senses someone finally arriving back at camp. her quick pace by the water comes to a sudden halt , as she reluctantly turns to face her companion. she’s wiping the blood red tears from her cheeks, but they leave thick stains , and more keep coming to replace them. she is at least a little glad it’s solomon , and not an angry lae’zel. solomon has always been nice to her , ❛ listen , i know i should’a told you guys , but … i was just scared that y’all would try to stake me in my sleep or somethin’. you’re not── gonna do that , are ya ? ❜ she asks as if she’s really not sure of the answer , fear and apprehension in her gaze as she hugs her arms around herself , her clothes still stained with her own blood from earlier. she swipes at her face again , groaning as she wipes her bloodied hand on her skirt , as if annoyed with her own tears , ❛ i’m sorry , i must look like fuckin’ hell , i really didn’t wanna scare you guys. that’s like the last thing i wanted to do. ❜

[rere-the-writer]

Title- Mikaelsons and a baby

A part two to this ask

Part three

Part four - coming soon

Pairings: Poly!Mikaelson x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Soft!Mikaelsons, Just a little bit of angst, Klaus and Kol threating people

You sat with Rebekah trying to distract yourself from not worrying about Davina as lately the young witch hadn't been feeling well lately. You looked up seeing Hayley leaving with Sophie and thought nothing of it.

"Hey Beka?"

"Yes, beautiful?" Rebekah questioned looking over at you seeing that you were knitting you fourth scarf.

"Is Davina okay? Marcel was asking about her earlier." You asked Rebekah watching drop her book worry came across her face.

"Also it is probably nothing but I over heard Sophie talking to Nik about completing the Harvest." You answered Rebekah startled when she suddenly stood up.

"I need to find Elijah." Rebekah said leaving making you worry as it was never good if Elijah needed to know and decided to find Kol since you were still mad at Klaus when learned what he did to Davina.

"Kol? What are you doing?" You asked him finding him in your bedroom trying do something.

"Putting the crib together." Kol said smiling up at you as you giggled seeing that it was looking more like a hot mess than a crib.

"Babe, that doesn't look like a crib." You giggle sitting next to Kol as he placed his hand on your baby bump.

"Well right now it doesn't but it will be."

"Need any hel......" You were cut off when the room shook and Kol quickly grabbed you protecting you as things fell from the wall.

"What was that?"

"Davina. She can't control all that magic she has." Kol says walking out of the room with you following worried as you mothered the girl as Kol would tease. You followed Kol but paused seeing Hayley with Elijah and as much as you knew to follow Kol. You were curious what they were talking about.

"Elijah, I have something to tell you." You heard Hayley say as you peeked around the corner knowing Elijah most likely knew that you were there.

"What is it Hayley?"

"Sophie called asking for a favor and at first I thought it was about the baby as Sophie promised me that she would help break the curse," Hayley says as she walked ahead of Elijah as he narrowed his eyes, "that Marcel put on my people for information. I didn't think nothing of it but Davina started doing those pictures of Celeste."

"Hayley, what did you do? It have better not put Y/N and the baby in danger." Elijah said walking up to the werewolf as you swallowed a bad feeling settled in the pit of your stomach.

"Sophie wanted to find Celeste's remains so I asked Y/N and went though your journals to find out where you buried her the told Sophie," Hayley tells Elijah sounding hurt as you felt sick and guilty as Elijah told you in confidence, "I know it was snoopy and I should have just asked you."

"Celeste wanted to be left in peace. When a witch's remains are consecrated, that power fuels the rest of their community." Elijah tells Hayley hurt lacing his voice while guilt ate away at you. Hayley looked down feeling terrible as Elijah walked up to her.

"She did not want to be found, she made me promise to make sure she couldn't. Not only did you violated my privacy but you have broken my promise to her."

"I thought they were just bones Elijah."

"If you truly believed that, why didn't you ask me where to find her instead of using Y/N and looked though my journals." Elijah said walking pass Hayley going to chase after you hearing you walking off.

"Baby, Y/N. Wait a minute." Elijah says gently grabbing your arm and cupped your cheek wiping away your tears.

"Why are you upset?"

"Because I helped Hayley break your promise. I know how much they mean to you." You tell Elijah as he smiled softly pulling you into a hug.

"You are too sweet baby. I am not mad at you for you couldn't have known her little plan."

"But still Elijah." You mumble against his chest as Elijah kissed your head when you hugged him. It wasn't hard to see Elijah was angry at Hayley as Kol and Rebekah could tell but Klaus wasn't surprised as you finally forgave him and told him everything.

"Elijah can we talk?"

"Just on my out." Elijah said holding your hand taking you with him for the day as Klaus followed teasing Elijah.

"You don't have to be here. You also didn't need to bring Y/N, it'll take Sophie some time to prepare the consecration."

"I have nothing but time and Y/N needs time out of the Abattoir. I owe Celeste this much." Elijah says watching you stand at the grave flowers in hand as you told Elijah you wanted to pay respects to the dead witch.

"Care to elaborate?" Sabine asked walking up to Elijah as he looked at her then back at you with a soft look in his eyes.

"Ever experience something so profoundly wonderful that when it was taken from you. Your life felt unbearable?"

"Yeah I've felt that. I have scars to prove it." Sabine says noticing how Elijah watched you as if you were the only woman in the world.

"I believe when you love someone like I had Celeste, they leave you uniquely vulnerable. Y/N has the power to hurt me like no other."

"You really love that woman don't you?" Sabine asked looking at you also as Elijah took out a handkerchief.

"I do." Elijah says walking up to noticing a tear rolling down your cheek wiping it away. Learning that Marcel took Davina to protect her from the Harvest left a hollowed feeling in your chest.

"You okay there?" You heard Sabine ask as you left at the Abattoir as the family went looking for Davina and Marcel.

"Yeah.....I....just...it's nothing."

"You can tell me." Sabine says sitting next to you as you sighed rubbing your bump.

"I feel bad for Elijah. I understand Hayley wants to help her people but it made Elijah break his promise to Celeste."

"You knew were she was buried."

"Yeah....I asked wanting to pay respects to the woman that got to love Elijah before me."

"You are adorably dumb."

"So Nik and Kol tells me." You tell her with a bright smile as Sabine could see what the Mikaelsons saw in you. You had a softness to you that drew people in, that made them comfortable.

"Where is Hayley?"

"Hanging out with her wolves." You answered Sabine watching her pull out a pendant of some kind.

"Wanna know the sex of the baby?" Sabine asked you watching you light up nodding.

"We found Davina." Kol says sitting next to you seeing you playing a card game with Sabine. You paused looking at Kol as that hollow feeling returned.

"Oh." You said in a quiet voice which Kol picked up something was wrong with you and made a note to ask you later about it. Rain poured as you stood next to Kol with Elijah holding an umbrella over you as you all watch Sophie complete the Harvest.

"It didn't work." Hayley whispered as the witches didn't wake up as the rain stopped. You bit your lip tears falling seeing Sophie cry over her dead niece.

"Shhh darling. It's okay." Kol muttered softly hugging you as you cried Elijah felt his heart break hearing your sons.

"Rebekah, you and Kol take Y/N home while Niklaus and I take care of this."

"Come babe. We'll get you and get some tea." Rebekah says as you nodded walking with her and Kol.

Bad juju is what your grandmother would say when ever you would get a hollow feeling. For the last few days witch bad juju was running a muck as Klaus and Rebekah was missing while Kol had to save Hayley and a wolf you learned named Jackson.

"Baby?" Elijah questioned finding you sitting in Klaus's art studio dress in one of Klaus's shirts as non of Rebekah's clothes couldn't fit you anymore.

"I miss them 'Lijah." You tell him as he sits next to you kissing your head.

"We'll find them baby." Elijah tells you as you nodded. It was weird to you hanging around Hayley as you had been noticing how she would look at Elijah. You hadn't noticed until Celeste pointed it out after you learned she was controlling your new witch friend.

"You're a lot cuter than what Hayley told me about you." You heard Jackson say making your cheeks warm up looking up at the werewolf.

"Well I could say something nice about you but Hayley barely said a word about you."

"So why are you out here with Hayley?" Jackson asked sitting next to you.

"Hayley's idea. She told Elijah that it would be safer for me until they find Nik and Beka."

"I see. What are you having?"

"A girl." You tell him with a smile as you two talked.

"You let Hayley take my unborn child and Queen out in a swamp."

"Firstly it's a bayou Niklaus and second it was to keep her safe from Celeste." Elijah tells Klaus helping Rebekah over a log while Kol was ahead with Klaus. After a long night in a graveyard airing out centuries of problems, the Originals were inching to have you near them again.

"She is going to upset that Sabine is dead." Rebekah said knowing that you grew close to the witch

"Yes, we should tell her later." Elijah says as Hayley met up with them to which Klaus and Kol noticed right away that Hayley moved next to Elijah.

"Hayley have you and the wolves been taking care of Y/N?" Klaus questioned there was a dangerous under tone to Klaus's voice. Hayley looped her arm around Elijah's nodding as Elijah raised an eyebrow but pushed it aside.

When they reached the wolf pack, they heard your sweet laugh and saw you standing in front of what looked like a work bench. Jackson stood behind you gently holding your hands showing you how to drill.

"Hayley who is that touching my wife." Rebekah asked lowly as Hayley looked at her seeing the blonde vampire glaring. Hayley looked at the other three jumping when she heard them growling also glaring.

"That's Jackson. Y/N and him has been getting close."

"You have told him who she belongs to yes?"

"I though her being pregnant was a clear enough sign." Hayley told Klaus not caring for his glare. Rebekah got your attention easily something her and the boys was always proud of.

"Beka!" You cried moving from Jackson throwing yourself into her arms as she held you. Hayley walked up with boys seeing you peppered Rebekah with kisses.

"Nik! You're okay!" You squealed happily giving the hybrid the same treatment as Jackson watched happy for you.

"Oh guys meet Jackson, Hayley's fiancee." You said smiling making the Originals blink confused while Hayley stared at you. While they weren't looking you gave Hayley a mischievous smirk knowing just what you were doing surprising the wolf.

"Fiancee?"

"Yeah. Some old wolf thing." Hayley answered Elijah waving her dismissively while you put on the most innocent look getting Elijah's attention. Both Klaus and Kol knew what you were doing while Elijah had no clue.

"Eli don't you think that maybe we can help Jackson move closer to Hayley or maybe help set up a cabin. So that Jackson isn't away from fiancee?"

Klaus and Kol was smirking as Rebekah stood next to quietly laughing behind her hand. They knew when you were jealous as you would get mischievous and since Hayley seemly liked Elijah, you were going to nip it in the bud.

"You're right baby. Hayley you should be getting to know Jackson and getting the pack together if you want them at faction meetings."

"Right.....Elijah or everything is fine just the way it is."

"But Hayley, 'Lijah right. If you want wolves in on the meetings it best you and Jackson unite the wolves." You tell her pressing closer to Elijah who smiled at you unaware of what you did.

"I'll even help little wolf." Klaus said throwing gas on the fire while Jackson smiled also unaware of what little plan you did.

"Okay." Hayley said sighing as you grinned feeling Elijah kissing your head telling Jackson that they needed to get you home.

"You little minx." Klaus teased sitting on the couch pulling you into his lap.

"I don't know what you are talking about." You tell him faking innocence as Kol joined you both laying his head on your belly listening to the baby.

"Don't worry darling it's our little secret." Kol tells you smiling kissing your belly as you just hummed relaxing enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasted.

[aquamarinescarlet]

Great, my girlfriend is a toddler

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Word count: ~4.5k

Warnings: one curse word (I think), mentions of past trauma (nothing graphic), and a lot of fluff

Summary: Reader is caught in a trap during a mission and ends up trapping herself in her five year old mind and body.

Author’s note: I know I basically just post incorrect quotes, but this idea came to me and I just had to write it. I won’t stop with the incorrects btw, and if you guys prefer I create a different blog to post these little stories just let me know. Without further ado, enjoy, and let me know what you think (this is my first time writing something like this too, so tips/remarks are always welcome).

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the marvel characters.

(Picture is not mine, got it on pinterest)

“West wing clear”

“Basement clear”

“Guys I need some help here.” 

You heard through comms as your teammates infiltrated the Hydra base.

It was a fairly simple mission, small base, so not that many enemies to fight off.

As you made your way down an empty corridor to the control room you could listen to Bucky's grunts, and punches, on your earpiece as Sam and Steve made their way to him. 

The silence and emptiness was rather suspicious, but you made nothing off of it, thankful you would get in easily. 

“I’m in the control room.” You spoke when you found yourself surrounded by computers and all sorts of technology. It seemed quite ancient for an organization that has been a pain in your asses for the past months.

Hacking wasn’t your specialty, but you sure were better at it then the other three, hence you getting the task. Your eyes scanned the room, trained on identifying threats. Surprised by the emptiness of it all, you focused on finding the main system.

You plugged the pen drive Stark had prepared and started typing, your eyes occasionally leaving the screen to take a quick glance around the room, an uneasy feeling growing at the pit of your stomach.

“Y/L/N, we’re all clear here,” Steve’s voice rang on your ear, “how are you doing there.”

“I’m nearly done,” you stared at the computer as the information was downloaded to the little gadget, “I don’t know guys, something here feels wrong, it’s too empty, too quiet.” 

No response.

“Guys? Can you hear me?” Your heart rate picked up, something was definitely wrong.

In a second the download was complete, and you hastily snatched the pen drive, going for the door. Your desperation grew when you stated it was locked.

“Can anyone listen? I’m locked.” You spoke to the earpiece. “The doors locked automatically. I need help getting out.”

The door was sealed shut, not even a small slit in between it and the floor, your powers wouldn’t help you on this one. You tried to bring your heart rate down as your eyes scoured the room once again for a way out. No air vents, no windows, there was another door on the other end of the room, and you promptly made your way to it, only to confirm it was also locked shut.

Your attention was brought back to the first door, loud banging and a faint voice coming from the other side. Thankfully the boys noticed there was a problem and came to your aid. As you ran across the room, your head started to get fuzzy, your vision was not as clear as it had been seconds ago, and breathing was starting to get harder.

Before you even reached the still shut door, your body collapsed on the floor, everything going black.

You stirred in bed, shifting to a more comfortable position. Some light seeped through your eyelids, but you were tired, dragging the sleep as long as possible. 

Your peace was broken by a door suddenly opening.

“What the hell happened?” A woman’s voice filled the room. She sounded angry, and upset, the hostility in her tone made you clutch the blanket harder.

“Wanda calm-” A man spoke, but was cut off by the woman.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN? Don’t you tell me to calm down, Stark, when I got back from a mission fifteen minutes ago only to learn that my girlfriend turned herself into a five year old toddler.” She was loud and it just made you even more scared of being in trouble.

A small whimper escaped your throat getting both people's attention. You opened your eyes only to be met by several stares, there were easily five or six people in that room, but you didn’t have time to count as you pulled the blanket over your head, bringing your knees closer to your chest.

Your body was trembling with fear from what you knew would come next. You hadn’t done anything, you had been a good girl, done your chores, never speaking unless spoken to, but for some reason the people from the orphanage took a particular liking in punishing you even when you hadn’t done anything bad.

You waited for it to come, but instead of the ill-disposed voice and harsh hands, you were met with a soft “hey” and a delicate hand. Nonetheless it was still frightened, making your whole body tense.

“I’m sowy, I didn’t do anyfing, pwease don’t huwt me, I’ve been good.” You cried out, tears threatening to fall.

The hand started to caress your arm soothingly.

“Hey Y/N, you’re okay, we’re not going to hurt you, okay? You’re safe here.” Your muscles relaxed slightly at the words, thick with an accent, and touch. Your mind was still on alert but for some reason your body responded to this woman in a way your mind didn’t understand.

“Seems like she lost her memories too, she still thinks she is in that horrible place.” A new voice spoke up.

“Hey Y/N,” the woman spoke close to you, low as not to frighten you further, “you’re not in the orphanage anymore okay? You are somewhere safe. Those people can’t get to you here.”

You peeked over the blanket and was met with mesmerizing green eyes, they seemed so kind and comforting putting you at ease.

“Pwomise?”

“I promise. No one’s going to hurt you. We will protect you.” She offered you a smile that made your lips want to curl into one too, despite your wariness of the woman still being a stranger.

You pulled the blanket back above your head, muttering a quiet “okay”. Your heart rate then picked up it’s pace once you noticed you would be punished for forgetting your manners, your mind still not fully understanding you were no longer in a dangerous place.

You yanked the blanket just below your chin, uncovering your whole face so you were facing the woman.

“Fank you, miss.” You spoke quickly and hid again.

She chuckled slightly and you couldn’t help but feel fuzzy.

“How about you stop hiding that pretty face of yours huh?” The words caused a smile to unconsciously tug at your lips, as you pulled the blanket down and started to sit up. “See, much better, right?” 

You stared at the figure in front of you with what could only be described as adoration. She was just so kind and beautiful you couldn’t seem to stop smiling. A slight movement behind her brought you out of your daze and you landed your gaze on the several people watching the interaction, people you had seemingly forgotten were still in the room.

Your eyes went wide and a gasp left your lips before you laid back down, covering your curled up body with the blanket again. The woman noticed what had frightened you and brought her hand back to caress your back.

“Hey, it’s okay, they’re only here to protect you too. They are just worried about you.” You didn’t move, this was too many new people and having all their eyes on you was making you nervous. “Do you want me to ask them to leave?” She whispered closer to your ear and you nodded excessively.

Sounds of chairs moving, footsteps and a door closing were heard before the room fell back to silence.

“We’re alone now.”

You peeked carefully outside the blanket to be sure you were alone. When you found the rest of the room empty, you moved to sit back up. Suddenly the idea of being alone with this woman made you very shy, your eyes watching as you wiggled your toes. 

“Fank you, miss.”

“Wanda”

“Wanda” You whispered, not taking your eyes off of your feet.

After a few moments of silence a question popped into your head.

“Why did you save me?” You tried to speak but the sound wasn’t higher than a whisper.

“What?”

“”Why did you save me.” You said louder. “The Sisters said that I was- I was a bad giwl, and that is why my pawents didn’t want me, and no one would want because I was bad and-”

“Okay, stop,” she cut off your rambling and you finally met her gaze, “all those things they said about you are not true, okay? Don’t believe any of that.”

“How do you know it is not twue.” Sadness seeping on your voice. “You don’t even know me.”

“Quite on the contrary, I happen to know you very well. I know you get grumpy when you wake up. I know you don’t like to wear dresses. I know you like to laugh and make lots of funny jokes. I know your favourite colour, favorite food, favourite animal, favourite movie… but most importantly,” she brought her hands to rest on your sides, “I know you are very ticklish.”  

At that she started to tickle you mercilessly causing you to fall back on the bed, a string of laughs and giggles escaping your mouth. She stopped after a few seconds and you took the opportunity to catch your breath.

“See. I know many things about you.” 

“Yeah.” You said amidst giggles. 

“And I know that none of those things the Sisters said about you are true.” 

“Fank you, miss Wanda.” She let out a laugh.

“You are too cute,” she pinched your cheeks causing you to feel shy all of a sudden, “just call me Wanda.”

Your gaze fell down to the mattress again.

“Okay, fank you, Wanda.” Your voice barely above a whisper.

“You’re welcome.” She brought her hand up to smooth your hair. “Do you want anything sweetie?” That little nickname just made you even more flustered, even though you couldn’t hide the smile that formed at your lips.

You pondered her question for a second, you were hungry, but you knew better than to ask for food outside of mealtimes, the memories of the punishments still fresh. After a few moments you shook your head.

“Are you sure?” She pushed. “Don’t you want to eat something?” It was almost as if she could read your mind. “You can tell me, it’s okay, no one will hurt you for being hungry. And we can fix up something for us to eat.” She must have noticed your hesitation. “Y’know, I’m a little bit hungry too.” She whispered close to your ear, her breath tickling your ear causing you to chuckle. 

Your mind knew this was a bad idea, that you would get punished after, but Wanda was just so convincing you ended up nodding weakly.

“There you go.” She cheered.

She picked you up from the bed, but before she could lower you to the floor your arms circled her neck and your legs, her waist. You couldn’t help it, you just wanted to be close to her. She giggled at your actions, but didn’t fight it, carrying you out of the room and into a big corridor.

When the sound of muffled voices started to grow louder, your posture became tense. Wanda took notice, rubbing circles on your back.

“Hey, it’s alright, they are nice, you’ll see.” She tried to calm you down. 

Your posture relaxed, but you weren’t sure if it was because of her words or just her general presence.

“Whewe awe we going?”

“To the kitchen.”

“And the people in the kitchen? Will they huwt me?”

“No honey, of course not, they care so much about you, they are here to protect you too.” 

As she made her way into the kitchen, you hid your face in the crook of her neck, trying to ignore how the room went quiet with your presence.

“How is she?” A male voice asked, you recognized it from moments earlier.

“She’s okay, a little scared, seems like she did also lose all her memories, everything she knows is from when she was five.”

Wanda moved around and kept up with the conversation, to which you stopped paying attention when your eyes fell onto a thing a man was eating. You had tried one of those before, once, when an old woman donated a basket of those to the orphanage and you managed to steal a small piece, it was delicious, tasted like heaven compared to all the tasteless food they gave you in that place.

Wanda settled on a chair and you kept your head hidden, but your eyes were locked on the man.

You thought you heard Wanda calling you, but your attention was entirely on that piece of food. The man seemed to take notice when he met your gaze and gave you a smirk. The eye contact would’ve made you shy away, but Wanda’s presence made you feel safe, so you held it.

“I think I know what she wants.” He spoke to Wanda. “Would you like a muffin Y/N?” He directed at you. You lifted your head from Wanda’s shoulder and, after a moment of hesitation, you nodded slowly.

He opened a cabinet and picked one up, handing it to you, offering a beaming smile. You stared at it for a second, not expecting him to give you a whole one. Your eyes darted from him to Wanda, looking for some sort of confirmation. 

“It’s okay, take it.” She smiled at you encouragingly.

You slowly stretched your hand and grabbed the item.

“Fank you, siw.” You practically whispered.

“You can call me Sam.”

“Fank you, Mw. Sam.” 

“Huh, Mr Sam, I can get used to that.” He joked. Or at least you thought he did, since now you were just blankly staring at the muffin, not really sure if you should really eat it, despite your stomach screaming for you to do so.

“Just call him Sam,” Wanda spoke to you, “and we can’t let her keep calling us that, Sam, she does it out of fear for disrespecting us.”

“Is that why she also hesitated from taking the muffin?” A new voice questioned.

“I don’t know Stark, maybe…” Wanda trailed off and you decided to help, since they were talking about you anyways.

“Fhey did not let us- let us eat out of meal time and-,” you took a breath trying to calm your nerves, “and thewe wewe too many kids so- so thewe was nevew enough food and- and,” your eyes went wide when you noticed everyone was staring at you intently and a whimper left your lips unconsciously before you shoved your face back into Wanda’s neck.

She rubbed your back in an attempt to calm you down and, surprisingly enough, it did. Something about her just made you so calm.

“You don’t have to worry about this here,” a man with glasses said, “we have plenty of food and no rules, you can have whatever you want whenever you want, just tell any of us and we’ll get it for you, deal?” You smiled at how nice they were being with you.

“Deal, siw.” You nodded.

“And call me Tony, please.” You nodded again.

“See, it’s fine, you're safe here.” Wanda reassured, giving you a kiss on your temple. The action caused a silly smile to grow on your lips and your cheeks to heat up, as you leaned into her chest.

 “Oh, come on, seriously?” A man with the same accent as Wanda blurted. “She has known you for, what? 20 minutes? And she already has a crush on you.” His comment made laughter erupt around the kitchen, and, even though you didn’t understand what was so funny, you enjoyed the moment. Laughter was not common in the orphanage.

Throughout the rest of the day you started to feel more comfortable around everyone. 

Wanda never left your side, or, you were the one who never left her side. Spending the rest of the evening watching movies on the most amazing TV room you had ever stepped foot on. 

Other people would join you from time to time. Pietro, who you learned was Wanda’s brother; Natasha, or Nat as she preferred; Bucky; Sam; and Steve. 

You couldn’t quite pinpoint when it was that you fell asleep. You just knew you were now in a room you had never seen before, it was pretty, but unfamiliar. You saw a stuffed animal left on the edge of the bed and clutched onto it, trying to get the images from the nightmare you just had out of your mind.

Several minutes passed and you were just too scared to even close your eyes. Sleeping alone was something you never did, the rooms in the orphanage were filled to the brim with precarious beds or improvised mattresses due to the excessive amount of kids there.

Deciding that you wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore, you climbed out of bed and made your way out of that room. Your feet automatically took you to another door down a big hall. You knocked softly, but got no response. 

After three more tries, you turned the door knob and it opened. You put your head inside the room and detected a figure laying in a bed. 

“Wanda,” you whisper shouted, trying to catch the woman’s attention, “Wandaaa.”

She stirred and lifted her head to look at you, her eyes were sleepy, but she managed to give you a tired smile.

“Hey Y/N, is something wrong? Do you need anything?” 

“Can I- can I sleep with you?” Your gaze fell to the floor.

“Sure.” You smiled widely and ran towards her, climbing into the bed messily, since it was so ridiculously tall.

She laid on her back, opening her arms, and you took that as your chance to cuddle into her, wrapping your tiny limbs around her torso. She caressed your hair until you drifted to sleep.

The next morning you woke up still cuddled to Wanda. She was still fast asleep, and looked so peaceful you didn’t have the heart to move and risk waking her. Plus, you liked the proximity, the warmth from her body, her arm hugging you close.

A few minutes passed before she opened her eyes, only to be met by yours.

“Good mowning.”

“Good morning princess,” you giggled at the nickname, “wanna go down and get some breakfast?”

You nodded eagerly, already used this new environment, without the rigid rules and punishments. She climbed out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, you just sat up and watched as she washed her face or something. She then went through another door, which you assumed was where she kept her clothes since moments later she came back in different clothes.

She picked you up from the bed and took you into the kitchen. When she walked past the room, a confused expression grew on you.

“Whewe awe we going?”

“To the dining room, we usually have our breakfast there.”

“Oh, okay.”

And that was one breakfast table alright. All kinds of fruit, bread, cereal, cake, cheese and ham, and butter. 

“Look who found our little runaway.” Tony commented, but you didn’t give him any attention, mesmerized by the amount of food.

“Yeah, she found her way into my room in the middle of the night.”

“Really? How?” Steve asked.

“Good question, hey, sweetie,” Wanda caught your attention and you turned to look at her, “how did you know which one was my room last night?” You shrugged.

“I just knew whewe to go.”

“Seems like some part of her memory is still intact.” Stark remarked with interest.

Wanda sat down, with you in her lap and started serving food on her plate. The rest of the room fell into light conversation as you all enjoyed breakfast.

Soon you were interrupted by Bruce.

“Guys, I’ve got results from the tests.”

“Do you know what happened?” Steve asked eagerly.

“Kind of, the smoke she inhaled during the mission was poisonous, it was supposed to kill her, but it seems like her cells reacted to it differently.” He explained. “Her shapeshifting abilities reacted with the poison causing her body to, well, change, in order to avoid dying.”

“My powews wewe able to bweak down the poisonous gas into hawmless pawticles.” You responded automatically.

Everyone was shocked at your statement, but you just kept on eating like nothing had happened, not understanding what they were so surprised about.

“Yes… precisely,” Bruce added, slowly, “and that took a toll on her own cells, turning off her powers momentarily, why she got stuck as her five year old self with no memories whatsoever of the rest of her life is unclear.”

“Can you turn her back?” Nat asked.

“I can try and find some serum that reverts her situation, but, by the looks of it, her body is doing it on its own.”

“She did remember her way to my room last night, and now this. It means her memory is coming back.”

“Can you predict how long it’ll take for her to come back to her own self?” Bucky urged.

“Not really, this is all new to me. Although if I had to take a hint, I’d say a couple of weeks at least.” The scientist answered.

“But she will come back, right?” Wanda sounded preoccupied, and it caught your attention.

“Relax sister, she’ll come back. And even if she doesn’t, she’s already in love with you again anyways.” Pietro teased.

“That’s not helping.” She teased back and tightened her hold on you.

A few days passed and, as expected, you were still stuck as a five year old. You would slip out little snippets of things from time to time, memories of things you’ve learned only when you were much older, but you still weren’t coming back.

After a while you fell into a routine. You would sleep with Wanda every night, watch movies with her and some of the other people in that place, Bucky and Sam would come up with the funnest games for you to play, Pietro would take you around the compound to help set pranks to play on the others. 

You grew accustomed to the place and the people. The lack of excessive rules was relaxing. How nice everyone was to you. When Wanda would call you cute nicknames and get you all shy and flustered.

You were now watching Frozen for the fifth time that week, with Wanda by your side and Nat, Peter and Sam scattered around the TV room.

They found it adorable how you sang along to every song even though you didn’t know any of the lyrics. Peter and Sam had now countless videos on their phones of you doing all sorts of things just to mock you when you came back to your older self.

The movie was nearing the end, now on the scene where they were rushing Anna to the trolls to see if they could help keep her alive. You sang along to the song up until the moment where Anna collapsed from the spell Elsa threw on her.

At that moment you mindlessly turned to Wanda, the words seeping out of your mouth without your control.

“You bettew not die on ouw wedding.” Her eyes went wide with shock from the statement, which you didn’t notice. 

“What?” She whispered, more to herself than to you.

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna mawwy you one day.” You gave her a smile and turned your attention back to the TV, unaware of what you had just said as a blush creeped around Wanda’s face.

When the movie ended, you chanted for you guys to watch it again, earning a groan from everyone. When a yawn escaped your lips, Wanda took that as her cue.

“C’mon, honey, you are tired, we can watch it again tomorrow.” She picked you up.

“Pwomise?” You gave her your puppy eyes.

“I promised.” She pecked your nose, earning a giggle from you.

You settled in her bed as you waited for her to shower and join you. You cuddled into her and drifted off to sleep.

You woke up feeling extremely weird, your muscles ached and your head was spinning a little. You kept your eyes closed as memories from the past days came back to you. The mission going wrong, you waking up in the med bay. 

And then you remembered.

“Holy shit.” You whispered to yourself, careful not to wake Wanda.

You had spent the past week as a five year old. Every moment started to come back. You playing hide and seek with Sam and Bucky. That time you and Pietro showered Nat with glitter,  and how she almost killed the boy later. Tony being a dad all the time, checking up if you needed anything and making funny faces to make you laugh. Steve carrying you around inside his shield. 

And Wanda, always being there with you. Taking care of you. Watching the same movies all the time. Cuddling every night. 

Your attention was caught by the woman stirring in bed next to you, still fast asleep. She had been so patient throughout the whole situation that you couldn’t help but smile.

You propped yourself up on one elbow, facing your girlfriend. You watched for a few minutes while she was fast asleep. Just appreciating how beautiful she was and how peaceful she looked. You were falling even more in love with her, if that was possible.

Not being able to hold yourself back any longer, you gave her a lingering kiss to her forehead, moving then to her cheek, leaving small pecks all the way. You then moved to her jaw and neck, inhaling her scent, as your free hand started to draw circles on her stomach.

You felt her breath changing, indicating she was no longer asleep and directed your lips to her ear.

“Good morning, my love,” you whispered softly, pecking her earlobe gently. 

Her hands grabbed your cheeks and moved you up to face her, her expression one of full happiness.

“You’re back.” She whispered moments after, trying to convince herself that it was true.

“I’m back.” You leaned down to capture her lips in a long and passionate kiss, resting your forehead against hers’, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she moved so she could stare into your eyes, “I missed you.”

“Why? I was here the whole time.” You teased.

“You know what I mean.” Your smile grew as you leaned in again, your lips meeting in another gentle kiss.

“At least we learned two things from this experience,” she eyed you with curiosity, “first, is that no matter what I’ll always be in love with you,” you referred to the crush five year old you had on her, and enjoyed as her cheeks turned bright red, “and second, is that you are great with kids.”

“I am, aren’t I.”

You spent hours in bed, cuddling, kissing and laughing at your childish antics from the past week.

That’s when you knew, you would marry that girl.

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"