#just give up on all of my dreams and aspirations bc i couldnt make my mind up in high school

[lemongogo]

can my brain just . Stop overthinking for once like dang

[spinosworks]

american dragon mha crossover

its a bit messy since i had to transfer it from discord but i hope its legible

ok so in this au hisashi was the japanese dragon and had married non magical inko  hisashi was related to jake but i cant remember how exactly, he was either his uncle or his mothers cousin. but this means that izuku grew up close to the magical community of the world and has the very heavy legacies of 3 family members to live up to  except he cant, not in the way expected of him  izuku's dragon form skipped his generation  he cant shift or do most anything magical but no one in the family really realizes this until much later in his life  while quirks manifest at age 4, dragon powers tend to show up from ages 8-11 (if i remember properly) so when izuku doesnt get a quirk everyone in his family takes it as a sign to start training him to take his fathers place as the japanese dragon  izuku is pretty much devastated when his dragon form never comes to him its a let down in two major ways  1) he will never be able to fly with his family and be truly apart of the magical community 2) japan will be without a magical protector for much longer than it should have been  u see, hisashi died a long time ago when izuku was maybe,,,, 5-6  hisashi was looking into a threat against reptilian quirk users (this tends to be code for dragons in the quirk society) but due to the secrecy behind the magical community, he wasn’t given some important details regarding the case from the non magical heroes  they didn’t give him some information that seemed pointless to them, but utterly crucial to a person who knew what to look for  because of this, hisashi was taken by surprise and was killed by the huntsclan back on the tangent regarding izuku’s powers from a familial stand point he’s pretty heartbroken, almost all of his family has the capability to shift and his cousins (while kind of sympathetic) don’t really understand him anymore they had taken him flying when he was a kid to give him a taste of what they believed he would be able to do every day  as he got older, they were a bit more wary with him izuku was treated as a more breakable and a bit inferior  not on purpose, but all of his cousins are older than him. they had already babied him before, but this was on a different level  (izuku hated the way they treated him he was capable! he was trained to be the next magical protector of japan for christ’s sake! just because they gave up hope on his powers manifesting didn’t mean that he had! (he couldnt give up that wasn’t an option. he needed to be a hero HeNeededToBeAHeroNoMatterWhat) so as izuku grew he kept his eyes up towards the sky and dreamed. no matter how concerned his family grew about his aspiration to be a hero)   

when middle school comes around, izuku hasn't stopped wanting to be a hero but hes almost completely given up on his powers manifesting  (which hurts in so many ways because izuku never stopped feeling trapped in his Too Small body and stuck on the ground to never greet the Sky)  so izuku plans to be the first quirkless hero  which everyone hes ever met and their mother disagrees with (humans are oh so fragile to magical beings)  but nonetheless izuku is going to get into ua if it kills him  cue the sludge villain and izuku’s Question to all might  ofc all might says no bc why change this angsty moment  (though all might does note that izuku looks very familiar) as izuku makes his way on home he ponders over his place in a world where he’s an outcast in every way that means anything to him what is he supposed to do now? every draconic instinct that he has is invalidated by others simply due to the body he possesses. his dreams of heroics tossed out despite his training.  izuku shakes his head, what in the world is he going to do now that-  he looks up and meets katsuki's eyes.  izuku feels something snap (even if he doesnt have the ability to shift, izuku is still a dragon, and dragons are protective of what’s theirs) despite what that last bit teases, izuku doesn’t shift completely then  he gets a small boost from his dragon side its from a shift in his eyes. he was only able to notice the world grow sharper around him, which he writes off as adrenaline no one else really notices his eyes. except katsuki who doesn’t even really talk to him so obviously wouldn’t tell izuku it just makes him less surprised to see that izuku manifested a quirk  but still, izuku is offered ofa and canon proceeds as usual, if a bit skewed since u know,,,, hes from a family of dragon heroes  i didnt want to deal with the dark dragon in this that much bc i didnt really care abt him all that much as a kid (i did like certain plot points but its been a bit since ive rewatched the show so i dont think im the best person to talk to abt this guy)  i loved the nonmagical world and magical beings interacting so there would’ve been a lot of that in this the dark dragon was defeated a long time ago in izuku’s perspective (oh my god i forgot to talk abt the longs didn’t i)  jake in this au is in his early 20s, and an accomplished american hero (who may or may not have had plans to visit ua after izuku partially shifts at the sports festival) haley is around the same age as izuku, if a bit older than him  they got along well as kids but haley had been a bit of a brat regarding her prodigious use of her powers and her manifesting b4 him was kind of a sore point  jake is a nice (if a bit obnoxious) cousin to izuku  they get along well due to the expectations they both carry and the powers that they didn’t have any mastery over (at the time)  but izuku was a bit bitter abt him bc jake had everything right there why didn’t he just take it  (izukus dragon insticts make him a bit,,, unhinged ngl)  he still loves his family tho  thats all i have at the moment,,,

i hope whoever sees this enjoys this mess lol

[the-jade-goblin]

i hate the holidays

the girls at work know me as the Christmas girl because I wore a Christmas-themed scrunchie to work a few times. like honey you have no idea how much I hate this stupid holiday. 

i hate this stupid holiday bc it brings back one of the worst times of my life.  was visiting extended family down south with my dad for the holidays, and on christmas day we rang my mum to say happy christmas, and she told my dad not to come home. she left him on christmas day, over the phone, like a total bitch. it honestly still makes me cry today, this was like five years ago. i’m tearing up now just thinking about that day and how it made me felt, how it still makes my dad feel.

i live with my dad now and we havent celebrated christmas since that day. its the worst time of the year, its when my family broke apart and when i decided to leave my mum behind and live with my dad, not that i actually could leave until like last year so i was stuck with her all that time knowing she’d ruined my dad’s life. 

i hate the holidays bc every year im forced to sit at the table with family i loathe who invalidate my sexuality, my interests, my aspirations and dreams, and anything i remotely care for to the point where i dont even talk, i just smile and nod and avoid eye contact. every year i try and belt up and make christmas special again, but every year something has ruined the day and my efforts. maybe im just not meant to have nice christmas days anymore. ive stopped trying, and now its literally just another shitty day in my life that i couldnt give two fucks about, and that pisses me off and makes me sad bc my mum did that to me, and she didnt have to. 

no matter how much better she gets since i moved out i dont think i’ll ever forgive her for that. i can never enjoy my once favourite holiday again bc of her, and neither can my dad

[i-amusemyself]

All Emoji Asks.

🐰 what is one secret youve never told anyone?I don't really have that many secrets. I guess theres a side of my personality that I spend a lot of energy supressing like hell that I hate with a passion.💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?Right now? My best friend right next to me or my friend back home.🐹 what are some of your favourite pokemons and why?I mean, I only ever played pokemon go, but from that I loved the squirtles and the evees just bc theyre cute af🌠 if you were in charge of the world what would it be like?A lot more chilled out. Chill pills would be mandatory.👀 what was the most recent vivid dream you had?Okay I had two freaking weird ones the other night?In one I was a 10 y/o muslim girl going to a new primary school and while I was there I started raising money for a cancer charity.In the other I was taking a really hard A level maths exam and getting stressed and mad bc everyone kept talking and I couldnt finish it in time.☀ what do you like most about your best friend?EVERYTHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Idk, I guess how forgiving and layed back she is. She always tries to understand and see things from your point of view.😘 talk about your crush or partnerLmao I'm alone 😂 I do have a crush but its a million miles from mutual so like, shes amazing but boi it hurts 😂💁 if someone was rude to you would you be rude back?Depends on how well I know them and what they're like tbh. I'll banter, but I avoid confrontation.🌟 what do you like about yourself? (3 things)😂😂😂 wow erm...1. I always try and put in all the energy I have if someone/something needs it2. I make loads of terrible puns its gr93. I really dont have any other qualities idk🐾 what are you scared of most? How will you overcome it?👏 I'm terrified of abandonment 👏 aaaand as of yet I have no idea how to deal with it ngl🎁 what never fails to make you happy?Really good stand up commedy or my favourite music💙 what annoys you about some people?Their complete lack of self-awareness. Idk, maybe I'm low key jealous too but srsly some people????😤 do you get angry easily?Yeah. I keep pretty good tabs on it so you probs wouldnt know it, but if something upsets me, chances are I'm hella pissed too.🐇 what do you always daydream about?Dramatic and upsetting situations or drunk situations 😂🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change?1. Sort out equality and all that jazz2. Divide up the land more equally, bc it pisses me off that some people are living in tiny cramped shacks and others have 100 mile square farms.3. End capitalism and with that make all necessary services free.🍓 send me 4 names: kiss, befriend, kill or marry?Anon?✈ what is your dream city and why?I mean Ive always wanted to go to copenhagen but theres no guarantee its gonna be my fave. My fave so far is Amsterdam bc its so peaceful and the architecture is to die for.☕ talk about your ideal day?Spend it with my best friend/crush. Lay in bed late and be lazy and watch good TV/movies. Maybe go out in the afternoon to not go stir crazy and entertain ourselves. Stay up kinda late talking about deep shit, lying underneath the stars.🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?Ambivert!💧 when was the last time you cried?Yesterday lmao 😂 i havent gone more than 2 days without crying in the past week 😧 I just got myself into a nice Depression Episode.🎵 name 5 songs you like atm?Argh I havent listened to music in so long (7 days...) umm so things i wanna listen to- youth by daughter- voices by Motionless in white- living dead girl by rob zombie- corpse roads by keaton hensen- lost boy by troye sivan⚡ if you had any superpower what would it be and why?Mind reading bc my anxiety would be halved.💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?I'd tell myself to stop trying to fit in and be like everybody else because the people I know are just a tiny portion of the population and really aren't much to aspire to. I'd tell myself to drop all my shitty friends because it would stop me from dealing with a lot of crap later on. I'd point myself in the right direction of the better people 😂I'd teach myself how to stand up for myself and how to not take any crap.And I'd give myself a hug and tell myself it's okay not to be cishet, because maybe if I could turn back time and start to deal with it earlier I'd be okay with it now.💚 who are you jealous of and why?A lot of people really, with qualities I don't have.I suppose one kid in particular is like, everything i want to be. Kind, hillarious, confident, close to people I love. 💎 what would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? Why?Bravery or kindness?? Its hard to have one without the other. Also beauty ngl bc im fugly.🙊 what are you ashamed of?My gender and sexuality 👏🌺 which languages do you know? Which do you want to learn?I know english and spanish and I'm learning Danish. Hopefully once I'm okay at danish I can learn arabic. Ill be satisfied after that 😂☘ if you could be any fictional characters friend/lover who would it be and why?I mean, theres plenty of fictional lesbians where im like 😏👀 but honestly if I had to pick only one person I'd choose Kieren Walker from in the flesh bc he needs a friend and I relate to him so strongly.☁ talk about your dream universe.Mental and physical illness doesnt exist. People arent dicks. Everything is free. No one feels unloveable.💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today?Idk I'm p much done for the day 😂 I've been helping out around the house all day tho🐬 if you could transform into any animal what would it be and why?I mean i might be biased but either a dog or a sloth bc they get to sleep all the time 😂🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike.Someone I was best friends with for 4 years suddenly turned around and stabbed me in the back, made up shit about me, arranged that all my friends not talk to me for a fortnight, sent group emails stuffed with emotional manipulation and blamed me for her suicidal thoughts. I nearly ended it. Now I get to watch my friends still loving her like she isn't the world's most heartless person. It makes my blood boil.😣 talk about something that has been making you depressed/angry/anxious.I'm staying with my best friend rn and I can't stand the thought of going home.🍪 what did you want to be as a kid and what do you want to be now?I wanted to be a nurse and now I wanna be a doctor 👏 variety 👏🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?I cant really eat sugar 😂 so fuck knows? Chocolate?🍑 what are you obsessed with?Brains, thought processes, psychopaths, graveyards and more 😂💘 what happens to you when youre stressed?I just get really emotional and start agressively making lists everywhere in an attempt to sort my life out.😪 what are you sick of?Humanity.🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?Yeah its terrible 😂 i hate anxiety but I also kinda love it when my heart races.💥 what are some unpopular opinions you have?I....dont? I cba with discourse lifes too short.☔ would you consider yourself a good person?I think anyone with good intentions is usually a good person so yeah😊 what do you do as hobbies?Sleep, binge watch netflix and blog 😂🎤 whats the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?👏👏👏 Mr Brightside 👏👏👏 what a jam 👏👏👏🐝 whats your worst trait?Being waaayyy too clingy.🌷 whats your mbti personality type and why do you think it suits you?ISFJ and yeah defo, its the defender and I feel that tbh🐶 send me 3 fictional people and ill choose my favourite.Anon?👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why?Kaitlyn Alexander is my bae.Besides that I dont really....obsess over any celebrities? Eliza taylor is doing p good 😂 ummm also some youtubers? Do they count?🐴 opinion on __?Its a great bit of punctuation.🍋 do you consider yourself to be an emotional person?Lmfaoooooo YES📚 share 3 books you love and your favourite quotes from them.M8. Thats not gonna happen 😂 I love any book that makes me cry but I cannot quote a single word.😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? Does it work?Find a quiet corner, shut my eyes and listen to my Depression Playlist. It doesn't always make me feel better but it helps me ride it out.🙂 what thoughts keep you going when you're sad?The thoughts of uni and that I'll hopefully meet some great new people. Also my best friend. Just in general 😂🌎 which country do you live in?England.🐧 describe yourself in 3 words?Awkward, tall and shy.🙉 what quotes changed you?"Pick your fights" bc as much as its a meme it helps me chill outAlso "everything is temporary" and "the sun will rise and we will try again".💭 do you keep a diary?I have a personal blog which acts as a diary yeah💫 who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander!! (Listen theyre like the first nb representation I ever knew and I relate so much to everything they say and theyre so cute and talented)👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?I mean, my initial response is no. Because we're just bags of flesh made up of cells and when we die those cells die so theres nothing to live on.But tbh we know so little about the universe I'm open to the possibility of anything at this point.🎀 whats your fashion sense like?Dior. I know what clothes I like and think look good but I never like them on me.🎬 what are some of your favourite films?Deadpool, My sisters keeper, pitch perfect 2 ermm🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?UmmmmmmmmmmmmWhen I first got my bunny, that was an amazing day!!🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?Um my soulmate? Where are they at?

[artistsodyssey]

la la land analysis (SPOILERS)

DISCLAIMER: so this post has been made because, i texted an analysis of la la land to a friend right after we saw it (as she had requested, also because i love doing them) and then more and more people have since wanted to read it and understand it better, and tbh i was getting tired of texting 14 screenshots to people, this is copy and pasted directly from my messages, so here we have this post :) (aka its not a critically appropriately toned/written piece)

so the running theme throughout the whole thing was kind of “life doesnt happen like it does in the movies”, right from the beginning when we first see mia shes on her phone in the car, talking about auditions etc, very modern day. then when it jumps back to seb in his car, hes very “vintage” lets say, so i think her character embodied the modern day film industry and his the whole old hollywood thing.

they paid attention to literally every single tiny detail, like even down to the focusing, sometimes it was standard present day film focus/camera work and other times it was very very much like the blur/noise quality of the old films.

both the lighting and the prop lights were really outstanding too. i noticed the prop lights in so many of the scenes, they were so prominent, especially in the fades. i think this relates into what i was saying in the cinema of it being set in LA (the city of angels) (also i JUST fully got the title, wow ok) that the lights were kind of reminders or something that theyre eachothers angels. the lighting as well was so so beautiful, it was so creative, and definitely was more of a stage technique style than a film one, which i think really helped amalgamate stage and film.

the use of colours in the lighting really set the mood and created the undeniably magical atmosphere. the costumes and colour scheme of just everything really did that too, everyone was wearing a solid colour most of the time and i think that also helped link the whole stage and film thing, as well as give the old hollywood atmosphere.

something that i really noticed as well were the transitions, not between scenes but in the scene, like the camera would pan mid scene, possibly to create the comparison of current vs old hollywood, as well as maybe showing a transition within the character/relationship etc, but it was really interesting to notice.

ok no the opening scene i cANNOT. it was all done in one take, dO YOU KNOW WHAT A FREAKIN CHALLENGE THAT IS, NOT JUST BC OF THE ACTORS AND THE DANCERS ROUTINES AND TIMING ETC, BUT BC OF ALL THE EQUIPMENT. so that was another very stage like kinda thing, the opening scenes job too is to set up the entire story, so the fact that that was all one flowing scene and that it was very much a stage technique is just beautiful. i love it. it establishes the film as not just a film but a theatre piece too.

i think the whole message of the film was in the “city of angels” thing, the old hollywood references and in the ending. i think they were eachothers angels, only meant to be together for the time that they were so they could push eachother to follow their dreams. there were so many references to fate and angels etc, the way they kept showing up places, the song in the restaurant etc, which is why that would make sense.

the way the ending was a montage of an alternative life they could have had (also very stage like too, much appreciated, much difficult to do, anyways) really emphasised the point i think theyre trying to make in that “it only happens in the movies” and life isnt really like that, which is why the ending worked out the way it did. i loved as well how they didnt need to say anything, their eyes said it all like “look at you. you did it.” and that was the finishing note that we didnt hear him play on the piano, (i think the crowd cheered over it??) he couldnt have played it because that wasnt the ending, their stories hadnt had their final perfect cadence yet, the look they gave eachother was that final note, and it had to be bc theyre eachothers angels for that reason^^ and they accomplished what they set out to do.

so then i was thinking, ok the old hollywood thing is great and all but whats the relevance??? WELL i think its that theyre trying to say, like the way they were both struggling artists, how old hollywood made it look so easy and glamorous, and today it seems so hard. i think it was kind of to show that theyre not all that different, old and current hollywood. (side note: i just realised the whole “bring back jazz thing” is the same as them bringing back old hollywood) that it may seem like its entirely different now, but in a lot of ways its actually not??? so i think that relates into the whole city of angels and fate thing again, that fate and angels have always been around and that wont change. i think as well the montage at the end is suggesting, in addition to that last sentence^^, that although fate is always going to be there, life could still take any direction and you have control over that, yet still showing just how powerful fate is. i think thats a message as well to aspiring artists, that although auditions are all about chances and probability etc, you have at least some power to make your own path.

there was a lot in it too regarding that last part^^, like for other artists, in that you shouldnt be making your art to be pleasing other people, it should be for you firstly and everyone else is a bonus, between him in that band and her having nobody at her play. and then they both tried to give up and “grow up” but they knew they werent happy and followed their dreams in the end.

then there were loads of small bits of symbolism too that helped out the main story, i cant remember everything but when the rialto closed, it was at the same time their relationship started ending. when the fire alarm went off during their fight, it was the alarm in her head telling her to leave, it was also at the same time whatever had burned in the oven was revealed, just as their relationship had “burned” or run its course, there was a thermostat on the wall at some point and the wall was like a warm colour and you could see her shadow as she entered and that was kind of the warm homey happy feel she had there.

the little bits of comedy in it too were just right, like it spiced it up just perfectly. but omg overall literally everything was a perfect balance. it deserves all 14 oscars its nominated for tbh.

also, during the montage at the end when she was playing with the children, it helps when you dont think about it as “heres a montage of emma stone playing with multiple random children.”

(analytical messages from the second time seeing it, that were mussed the first)

so in the first audition when shes on the phone, shes all happy and talking at first then suddenly it gets sad and shes crying and then she gets interrupted. it was aLL FORESHADOWING OF THE ENTIRE STORY. FIRST THEYRE ALL HAPPY TOGETHER AND EVERYTHINGS GOING GREAT, THEN THEY BREAK UP AND ITS ALL OVER, AND THEN IT CUTS TO 5 YEARS LATER.

there were a lot of old hollywood references i missed the first time too, there was one actually that i noticed the first time but forgot to mention, was at the end when she walks into the coffee shop, shes dressed exactly like audrey hepburn, referencing all those movies. BUT OMG you know the scene when they go to the observatory?? i noticed his acting was very very old hollywood, i got that the first time but didnt think much of it, but then tonight i was like hmm reminds me of the short film “la voyage dans la lune” by george melies, it was made in like 1919 or something and was one of the first few films. BUT THEN it showed the ceiling of the observatory of people like dancing or something idk fEATURING A MOON, IT ACTUALLY WAS REFERENCING THAT FILM (bc in the film they all get on this lil rocket and crash into the moon but the moon is made of cheese etc)

so thats it, these are literally copy and pasted from texts, which is why its all typed like that. i hope you can understand and appreciate the film better now :))