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#just feeling so weak and tired
larentslovechaos · 1 year
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woke up basically in a panic attack lovely 🥲
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fisheito · 6 months
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collab #2 with @xenole i was given a chibi yakumo and i.. i...... turned it into thiS
#I AM SO SORRY I DREW YAKUMO AGAIN ADFSJEIADKS LOOK OK so xenole gives me the tiny crying yakumo.#says DO WHATEVER YOU WANT and THUS i get to thinking#my immediate thought was#i'm going to make oli breast boobily while comforting him#bc i was determined to draw xenole's fave this time. i swore it to myself. i WILL stop being so self indulgent#but the chibi on chibi comforting scene didn't sit right with me. it was too straightforward. not something i would draw normally#it was hhhh as u say.... not on brand.? it did not inspire me. idea benched....#so days pass and i'm still pondering ideas on what to do to the sad spaghetti.#configurations of clan members danced in my head. some defending yaku. some comforting. some bullying#the ideas usually involved at least oli or kuya bc once again. xenole bias#then while i'm in the shower i got frustrated with my lack of ideas and thought#i'll jujst eat.him. just. chew on him. i'm tired of him#AND THE IMAGE OF KUYA EATING YAKUMO FOR BREAKFAST POPPED INTO MY MIND#originally it was going to be kuya eating yakuflakes and oli giving him serious side eye but then the brain went#WHAT IF IT'S YAKUMO WATCHING KUYA EAT YAKUMO. THAT IS FUNNY. IT MUMST HAPPEEN#BUT I REFUSED at first. i was angry at myself. this is not a competition to see how you can STILL sHOVE YAKUMO into a drawing.#plus the composition would shrink xenole's chibi down! i would take over so much space by comparison! THE DISRESPECT! TO THE COLLAB PROCESS#but once i get fixated on smth...well. i ended up doing the idea and just praying xenole wouldnt eviscerate me for it#i'm sorry my liege. my grip on the reins was weak. the goofy clown horses went stampeding#so idk now it's the two of em having a peaceful breakfast in kuya's cabin but only kuya is at peace and yakumo's this close to a breakdown#i feel like there should be something in the space between them. a speech bubble or something . something mean is being said#yakuya#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya
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sunnibits · 2 years
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god. something about samfro is so…
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pocketgalaxies · 2 years
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C3E37: marisha + nonverbals
#critical role#criticalroleedit#laudna cr#marisha ray#gifs#*#*cr#cr3#angst tag#cr meta#*meta#marisha ray supremacy#scheduled#2h45m c3e37#i almost went blind staring at her face to pick scenes for this. worth it :)#sorry matt for making you look so red in the last one. it's bc your wife is pale and i wanted her to look good 😌#OK FIRST. THE NODDING. listening to imogen...burning those words into her mind and playing them on loop.......#bc they are the only things that have brought any semblance of hope for what feels like an eternity of being trapped in this space#even if she doesn't believe them she can pretend to. a bandaid at best but something to ease the fear#and then 'can you get out of the tree' just the sliiightest hints of a head shake. a gulp. a 'god have i tried. god i wish i could.'#'god god god i would do anything to get out of this tree. how do i tell her that i can't.'#and then blatant doubt when it comes to fighting delilah#LIKE...after sharing this space with her for so long...of COURSE it chips away at her confidence like this...makes her feel weak#even if she thought she could fight her off in life everything is distorted now. has she ever even gotten close to fighting her?#it feels like an impossibility now. of course not. never not for 30 years has she been able to fight her.#and then as the cage closes...the flinch...the hyperventilation...#it's the hopelessness /everything/ here feels weak and scared and tired. like she was about to give up. like she still might give up.#i think marisha ray wants me to die <3
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ccherrybloom · 2 months
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Ashtrays & Antihistamines Pt. 1
oc, m, hayfever, wc: 2.8k
Part 2
CW: foul language and allusions to gay sex lol
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a.n. + summary: i don't think i've ever posted a snzfic on this blog, but there's a first for everything, right? featuring my lovely little ocs and their stupid dumb little band. i don't normally write them in snzcerions, but...every now and again i can’t help myself and one slips through the cracks lol. This particular one centers around my absolute shithead of an Irishman, Peter, as he deals with a hayfever flare up for the first time in like…twenty years, lol. of course, ever the lucky one, this begins to happen during the band’s first mini-tour. Cue shenanigans. I hope you all enjoy!
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“hH’RRSHhiue!” Peter fell into himself with a harsh sneeze, the band’s rundown van jerking sporadically with its driver’s sudden movement. “Goddamnit!”
“Bless.” Geoff offered lazily from the passenger seat as he turned a page of his book, unbothered by the vehicle’s erratic veer. “That’s like the tenth one since we’ve left Dublin.” The bassist pointed out, shooting the guitarist a pointed look from the corner of his eye. “You alright?”
“Fuckin’ hayfever,” Peter answered as he scrubbed his palm aggressively against the underside of his nose, careful not to put too much pressure against his nose rings. He followed it up with a drawn-out sniffle. “I’m fine. Christ.”
“I don’t remember ya being like this before,” Maurice quipped from the back of the van, leaning forward to join in on the conversation. “I mean hell, ya lived in Dublin fer how many years…?”
“Longer than you, Frenchie.” Peter retorted as he thrust a tattooed hand backwards to try and shove the singer away. Maurice easily dodged with a laugh, swatting at Peter’s hand as Geoff instinctively reached out to steady the van as it began to swerve again. “You can piss right off.”
“Look, I’m just sayin’, yer born and bred Irish — who knew all it took was a few months in London for yer own country to turn on ya.”
“I said piss off.”
“Who gives a shit!” Chris suddenly interjected as he pulled his headphones from his ears, a curly lock of the drummer’s dark hair falling between his eyes. “Just keep your bloody eyes on the road! I dunno ‘bout you lot, but I’d like to get there in one piece.”
Maurice backed off with a snicker, hands up in surrender as Peter quickly flipped Chris off in the rear view mirror before returning his full attention to the road.
After Peter and Maurice had both left Dublin for London a few months shy of one another, the four men began to pour almost all of their free time into their passion project, The Undergrounds. Much to their genuine surprise, people seemed to really enjoy their band’s sound and performances, so much so in fact that they’d hit a point where pubs across the UK were beginning to reach out to them, asking the group to come play for their open mic nights, with some even offering payment. With the requests getting further and further away from their homebase in London, the band finally decided to bite the bullet and buy themselves some transportation, namely their shithole of a van lovingly referred to as Van Halen. Despite its old clunkiness, it really did do the trick, and allowed the men to head across the border on their first ever ‘Let’s-Not-Call-It-A-Tour’ Tour. Realistically, with two of the four members being from (or as close to ‘from’ as one could be, in Maurice’s case) Ireland, the band had picked up quite a bit of traction across the small country with the men getting many open mic night requests which they normally had to turn down, much to Peter’s dismay.
At least until now, that is.
Peter had noticed something was off after their show in Dublin the night prior. At first he just assumed he strained his voice singing backup vocals — a product of over-excitement from getting to play in his old stomping grounds. But by morning the scratchiness in his throat lingered and was now accompanied by faint itchiness in his nose that forewarned him of worse yet to come. 
By the time the men packed up their gear and filed into the van late that afternoon, the unwelcoming prickle that had been festering in his nose demanded more attention, and his eyes began to itch in a maddening way that he hadn’t experienced since he was a kid back in Belfast. Initially he tried to ignore it, chalking it up as a residual reaction to dust from the old pub, or that it had been awhile since Van Halen had gotten a good clean. But as time slowly passed on their nearly three hour drive to Cork, and the itchiness in his sinuses progressed into full-blown sneezing, the reality of the situation began to dawn on him. He was immediately thrust back to Belfast, memories of summers spent constantly sneezing thanks to the fields near his old home, his eyes watering, his nose running, each summer spent absolutely miserable. He hadn’t had a hayfever flare-up in years, thinking it was something he had thankfully outgrown once his mum had moved them to Dublin, but yet here it was, back to rear its ugly head once more all these years later. The familiar lush scents of the countryside that used to conjure such vivid memories of home were now turning every intake of breath the guitarist took into a gamble. 
The itchiness in Peter’s nose only seemed to increase in urgency as Van Halen bumped its way through the Irish countryside. The landscape blurred past the windows, a mix of greens and greys under a sky that threatened rain.
“Nearly there.” Geoff hummed, taking a peek at the map app on his phone. “About another twenty or so.”
“Thank fuck.” Peter grumbled with a sniffle, his eyes squinting past the relentless itchiness. He adjusted his grip on the steering wheel and pulled his glasses up slightly before slamming his wrist into one eye and scrubbing hard.
“I think we could all do with a pint,” Maurice chimed in, trying to lighten the mood. “Especially you, Peter.” He added, gently poking the man’s shoulder.
Peter managed a weak chuckle in response, his wrist still pressed hard into the corner of his eye. 
“Just keep it steady Pete, yeah?” Chris leaned himself forward and rested his elbows onto his knees, eyes scanning the road ahead. “Not much longer and you can go ahead and drown yourself in whatever local brew you fancy.”
Peter opened his mouth to reply, but the van hit a particularly bumpy patch of road, jolting everyone inside. Instead he just swore under his breath, turning his full focus back towards the road as Cork began to appear on the horizon.
“There she is.” Geoff whistled, pointing ahead. “Welcome to Cork, lads.”
Peter managed to manoeuvre Van Halen expertly through the narrow streets of Cork despite battling his allergic reaction, the van’s tires crunching over cobblestone as he pulled them into the parking lot of their dingy motel.
“Home sweet home.” Maurice hummed as he clapped a hand onto Peter’s shoulder, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as the other two members filed out. “At least fer the next few days.”
Peter leaned back into the driver’s seat and let his eyes drift closed as he exhaled deeply, shutting off the engine. He only cracked an eye back open when he felt Maurice give his shoulder a gentle squeeze.
“You alright?” The singer asked, his voice low and expression soft.
“I’m grand, Mur.” Peter grumbled, his voice heavy with sarcasm. The real truth of the matter was that he was miserable, itchy, and absolutely dying for a cigarette — not that he cared to say any of that out loud. 
The guitarist pulled off his glasses to give his watery eyes another scrub before continuing. “Just got a fierce bad dose of this nonsense…This shite best be all said and done before our show or I’ll–hh! hH’ITSHHhiue!”
“See, but that’s what we don’t wantcha doin’, actually.” The blonde teased as he patted the guitarist’s shoulder before the other quickly slapped it away as if he were swatting a mosquito.
“You fuck right off, Murry.” Peter sniffled hard, dragging the backside of his hand beneath his nose. “Just get yer shit and get goin’.”
Maurice did as he was told and hopped out of the van with Peter not far behind as the pair hurriedly began to help the others unload. With the sky steadily darkening the four moved quickly, eager to avoid the potential rain. Luckily the unloading and reloading of Van Halen had become more and more familiar with each passing gig, and it didn’t take them long to have all the necessities laid out beside the van, ready to go.
The motel itself was a shabby vintage looking two-story building, its neon sign flickering with an almost uncertain intermittence as if it were clinging onto its last shred of life.
Maurice and Geoff took the lead, carrying the group’s heavier equipment while Chris and Peter followed suit with their four bags. They bustled their way to the reception desk where they were met with a disinterested looking clerk who simply handed them a single worn key with a faded plastic tag attached.
“Yer in room 107.” He mumbled, barely looking up from his magazine.
“Cheers, mate.” Geoff scoffed as he shot the others an exasperated look and snatched the key. He led the group down the dimly lit hallway, their feet dragging against a carpet that had clearly seen better days. When they reached their room Geoff wasted no time unlocking the door and shoving it open, revealing a tightly packed space with two queen beds, a small television, and a bathroom that looked like it hadn’t been updated in at least two decades.
“Alright, how we doin’ this?” Chris asked as he tossed the bags he had onto the closest bed.
“By drawing straws, of course.” Geoff instructed as he pulled a set of straws he had prepared earlier out of his pocket. “Shortest straw shares with the other shortest straw.”
The others agreed on this being fair enough and drew their straws, quickly comparing them.
“Well, it’s you and me, innit?” Chris said as he held up his short straw next to Peter’s. He gave the other a playful nudge and smirked. “Just don’t go tryin’ nuffin, yeah?”
Peter sniffled thickly and shoved Chris away before pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger, careful to avoid the rings, and itched it aggressively. “I got enough of ya the first time.” He moved from rubbing his nose to scrubbing his eyes, trying to ignore the way Maurice bristled at the mention of their one-off fling. “Won’t be doin’ that again.” Chris flipped him off and called him a wanker, but he went ahead and ignored that too.
“Hey, Pete,” Geoff called out as he tossed his bag onto the other bed. “Why don’t you take a shower? Might help clear up a bit of that hayfever.”
Peter, who’s eyes had started to glaze over, did his best to nod in the ginger’s general direction. “That’s the best ideee-hha I’ve heard all d—hh! hhUH’DITSHhhiuew! ‘IGKSHhhiueww!” He doubled over hard into cupped hands, his entire body tensing violently with each sneeze before he groaned thickly against his palms. “—all damn day.” He finished on an exhale, voice cracking. “-snf- Jaysus…”
“Bless you.” Geoff offered, a twinge of sympathy in his voice. “You know you really ought to—”
“G’way outta that.” Peter interjected with a dismissive wave of his hand as he trudged his way to the bathroom, eyes half-lidded. “Last thing I need is yer bloody mother hennin’, Geoffrey.” He added before pulling the door closed behind him. 
Flicking the light switch, Peter had to wait a full second before the dull fluorescents sputtered to life, illuminating the unsightly bathroom as he dragged his feet towards the shower. The tiles were cracked and the floor was splotchy, but he didn’t care, he just wanted some relief. 
The pipes whined in protest as he turned on the taps before water began to sputter out from the shower head. The water pressure seemed abysmal at best, and Peter cursed to himself as he leaned his weight against the sink, waiting for the water to warm. As steam steadily started filling the small space, he could feel the tightness in his sinuses ease up slightly, making his nose run. The liquid caught on his septum ring and trailed rapidly down towards his upper lip. Blowing out an annoyed breath, the guitarist took a second to wipe his nose haphazardly against his sleeve before stripping and stepping into the tub, letting the warm water cascade over him with an appreciative sigh.
Outside of the bathroom Geoff and Maurice were seated on each side of their shared bed as they sorted through their bags.
“Think he’ll live?” Maurice asked as he pulled out his plastic toiletry bag, setting it to the side.
Geoff gave a small shrug in return, glancing towards the bathroom door. “I reckon it could go either way with that dumb git.”
Maurice snorted at this, but his knit brow betrayed his feigned air of nonchalance. “Just hope the shower helps, I s’ppose. Don’t think we can really afford to have him down fer the count.”
Chris, already sprawled out on the other bed, headphones back on, piped up. “Eh, he’ll be alright. Just needs to wash off whatever’s settin’ ‘im off. It’s no big, yeah? You French people are wound too tight.”
Maurice rolled his eyes at this but chose to ignore the drummer’s comment. “I just don’t want anythin’ to screw this up for us.” He murmured as his eyes fell onto the bathroom door. “That’s all.”
“hh-Hh! hH’dDZTShiueww!” Peter sneezed loudly and openly, his head snapping downwards as the shower’s stream continued to steadily pelt against his tattooed back. He blinked hard, eyes bleary as the need to sneeze lingered in his nose like an unwelcome houseguest. Instinctively he brought up a hand to hover over the lower half of his face as his breathing began to come out in shuddering, shallow gasps. “hah…Ha’TdSHhhiuew!” This one bent him double and he swore immediately afterwards, more than a little frustrated as he blew his nose harshly into his hand. Had his hayfever always been this maddening? He couldn’t remember. It had been a long time since he’d had a flare-up, probably pushing two decades at least. The thought that it had come back now during the band’s first tour just pissed him off further.
Sighing, Peter turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, reaching out for one of the worn threadbare towels from the hotel rack. He dried himself off quickly before wrapping the towel dangerously loose around his waist – the only member who had yet to see his dick was Geoffrey, and the guitarist couldn’t give less of a shit if today was the day that changed.
Wiping a hand across the fogged bathroom mirror, Peter allowed himself a moment to peer at his reflection as he dragged a hand through his damp, dark hair and threw on his glasses. His green eyes were still red-rimmed and watery, his nose and cheeks were decorated with a soft dusting of pink…he looked pathetic, but at least the shower was helping him breathe a little easier.
Residual steam billowed out into the cooler room as Peter made his way out of the bathroom, catching the eye of Maurice.
“Peter,” The singer looked up from his bag and offered the dark-haired man a small smile, taking in the other’s lean frame. “How ye fairin’?” 
“Bit better, I’d say.” Peter hummed, though a small sniffle still escaped him as he wandered over to his bag, making Maurice frown.
“Reckon you’re up for a drink?” Geoff asked, not looking up from his phone. “We were thinking of checking out this pub nearby. Interested?”
Peter mulled it over for a moment, turning his back on the others before dropping his towel and pulling on a pair of boxer-briefs. “Yeah, g’wan then.” He finally affirmed, clearing his throat against a fist as he fished an old t-shirt from his bag. “Pint’ll do me some good.”
“Are ya sure?” The singer asked, chewing on his lip nervously as Peter wiggled into a pair of jeans. “If yer not feelin’ up for it–”
“Sod off, Maurice, will you?” Chris suddenly retaliated as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Actin’ like you’re his bloody mum or somefin’ just cos you’re shaggin’. Prat.”
Peter couldn’t help but snort as Maurice glared daggers at Chris, his face turning a delightful shade of crimson. The fact that he and Maurice slept together on occasion wasn’t exactly a secret – their initial one-night stand was how the two had met in the first place, after all – but it wasn’t something that was often discussed amongst the group. Peter personally didn’t care, but Maurice clearly did.
“You don’t see me actin’ like a bloody bellend even though I’ve also sucked his–”
“Ça commence à bien faire!” Maurice shot up suddenly from the bed, cutting Chris off as his native tongue spilled rapidly from his mouth. “Fer the love of God, no more, thank you!” 
The singer hurriedly made a beeline for the hotel room door, grabbing his coat as he rushed past the others, his face absolutely aghast as the others snickered. “Just…hurry up, then! Christ, I need a feckin’ drink…”
“I think we all do.” Geoff huffed as Maurice stepped into the hall. “C’mon, lads. Let’s go.”
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transmechanicus · 4 months
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Kind of hard to ask as anon
But you doing ok?
Need to vent?
Hi very kind and thoughtful of you to ask, i am doing mmmmm suboptimal but i do not need to vent to a person per se, so much as i need to say absolutely insane shit in my tags and have everyone pretend not to see <3
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i swear i have the body of a 50 yr old. i did something mildly active for less than an hour today and my back Aches. who authorized this
#my back: oughhhh im so weak you need to lay down and be still for ten hours#honey i do not have the patience nor the time for that#i am chugging this soup and then im Really Fuckin Crunching The Packing & Cleaning#my mother gets here at like 2 am and i want to get shit done before she arrives#so that i can be told i did a good job for once in my damn life#sorry that was pathetic!#i actually am just a spiteful creature that wants to prove that Hey. maybe i can be relied upon this one time#bet she expects to get here to see an absolute mess w/ not nearly enough packed#JOKES ON YOU FUCKER IM DOIN IT ALL ON MY OWN#i got shit done Without you. ha!#also i want to go whale watching tomorrow#i need to be on the water... i need it.... big aminal please...#rambles from the bog#i feel so. Independent. and tired#took the cats to the vet all on my own. got them a prescription. rode in two ubers and made casual conversation both times#completely fumbled a brief interaction with a really cute girl who was definitely outta my league#me: wants to talk to cute girl. if she offers to get the door for you say Yes#brain: look at the floor. ignore her. say 'no ive got it' when she offers to get the door for you#sobbing and wailing. totally won otherwise lmao#my cats were so good!!! they were so sweet and they Listened!#they stayed on the weighing plate & let their claws be clipped#they were so friendly and nice and WELL BEHAVED WHAT WAS THAT#when i try to clip their claws i get squirmy mc wormie and little miss war crimes#i walk away with new scars and nothin to show for it#but noooo. vets do it and not a peep. not a single wriggle. no hisses or meows. just hangin out#man. at least my cats are comfy enough with me to be up front w their desires#fuckin fakers... beautiful sweet well behaved fakers....#the vets absolutely loved them btw. all three people that were in the room loved how sweet my little critters were <3#i am Proud tbh
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ardenrabbit · 4 months
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miodiodavinci · 8 months
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collapses to the ground like a deflated balloon
#my god#stage one is finally complete . . . . . . . .#if you can recall that poll i reblogged about passing out#that important contact i received was mr. seto of the vocaloid team#who messaged me asking about a collaboration and quite literally nearly caused me to pass out#i read the message preview on my phone#stood up#saw stars#and collapsed onto my bed and had to lay down for like. 10 minutes before my body would stop feeling distant and weak w#i similarly felt ready to pass out today when i sent a message to ask when the announcement tweet would be#and they tweeted it. immediately after w#no joke rice and i were scrambling behind the scenes to get our act together and figure out what we wanted to say KHGJGSJKFHGKJ#all the while screaming because yamaha said they'd be posting it on valentine's day and we thought they meant our timezone w#because the whole point of this collab was to get the zolas more well known in the english-speaking sphere w#EITHER WAY#i am. so so tired and now i need to pass out so i can get enough sleep before more internship tomorrow w#which is heating up because my seminar professor wants a detailed plan of my final project goals This Friday#but my mentor won't know anything about where to fit that in until Thursday at the earliest#and my supervisor just hounded me over email to coordinate with the two other people at my station and choose an activity to lead#but that requires. planning. that our mentors won't have until thursday........#perishing . . . . . .
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crazy how any mlm gojo ship is perfect actually
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rapidhighway · 2 months
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also picking raspberries turned out to be.. really fucking hard
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floral-hex · 7 months
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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clowninthecoffeehouse · 2 months
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yeah it’s just a bad pain day haha (<- guy who has felt the same pain level for over a month)
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heybaetae · 2 months
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🌙☁️🌌
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 😑✌️
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exhaustedwriterartist · 6 months
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To anyone who needs this:
It's ok to take a break. It is a need. Do not feel guilty for getting up to stretch, eat, shower, sleep, even play, read, listen, or watch something for a few minutes to ease stress and tension. Even if you feel like you've done insufficient work. Turn to God and he will help you.
(I keep repeating Psalm 23:4)
I'm trying to tell myself this too. I keep breaking down this week and I feel like the work I do will never be enough or be finished. But it will be, eventually. With God's help.
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