#just being asocial save for his girlfriend

[fanfic-scribbles]

Dinner Date Chapter 35

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Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers has a girlfriend. A prickly, generally asocial girlfriend, but they make it work. They have more in common than some people might think.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 35: The Mission Part 2

Chapter Summary: In the wake of the Winter Soldier's attack and reveal, an important conversation is had, and Steve and his partner decide what they want going forward.

Chapter Word Count: 7214

A/N: Two chapters in one month! It barely counts, I think, because these are basically two halves of a whole, but I’m probably going to be mad at myself next month when I’m struggling to get out the next part. For now though: no regerts <3 Enjoy.

~

I managed to drag myself through work. Not especially well, if I was going to judge by the way everyone else gave me a wide berth that grew even wider as the day went on. But I did my job and I didn’t bite anyone’s head off, so I didn’t really care. Walking towards the subway after work, I was flipping through my messages; I had texted Steve a few times through the day, just checking in, but there was still nothing from him, so I sent another one.

Me: Text me when you’re out of medical

I didn’t want him to go home and be alone, and I doubted he would go be with anyone else right now. It wasn’t really about ego, just about practicality– Sam would want to talk about things, Natasha was super awkward, I could only imagine how awkward Clint might be, there was no way he had the patience for Tony…and so on. By process of elimination, I was the only one who might let him get away with pretending like he was fine. I didn’t actually intend to– but he didn’t have to know that.

There was still no response when I walked the last leg home, nor was there anything a half hour after that. I kept pacing around, checking my phone every few minutes, until my unease was too much to bear.

Me: Hey Me: You can tell me you don’t want to talk to me Me: But at least tell me you’re all right Me: Or else I’m going to get Natasha

A few knocks came just seconds later and I tripped over myself, accidentally running into the wall next to the door on my way to check the peephole. I breathed a giant sigh of relief at the hulking mass of blond man hunched outside, and I practically ripped open the door.

He was distracted by something down the hall so he didn’t look at me right away, but when he did, he blinked. “Are you all right?” he asked.

“I’m fine.” I rubbed my sore shoulder a bit and tried for a smile. “Nice of you to call.”

The way his face fell when he didn’t even look that happy to start with was heartbreakingly impressive. “I’m sorry, it’s just– I’m off duty right now and I don’t want to be alone,” he said and hunched in on himself– and winced as he did so.

“Hey, hey, it’s all good and I’m glad you’re here.” I pulled him inside (gently) and as soon as the door was shut, I kissed him. “But if you rip open a stitch or otherwise hurt yourself, I’m going to be pissed.”

His smile was wry, like a punch of sarcasm all on its own. “Pissed enough to rip out all of my stitches?”

“If you’re going back to the hospital we might as well make it worth the trip, and quell some of my rage while we’re at it.” But it didn’t feel very funny, considering how Steve was right now, and how he got that way. “I– I didn’t mean– I wouldn’t–”

“I know you wouldn’t,” he said gently.

I sighed. “Can you handle me being super neurotic?” I asked, only partly joking.

“Can you?” he asked, even less joking. He pushed his hair back with one hand. “I’m pretty sure I’m worse company right now.”

“You’re not bad company. I’m glad you’re here.” I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my head to his chest. “Saves me a trip to your apartment. And you know how cranky I get after the subway.”

“Well, I’m pretty cranky right now too.” But he wrapped one arm around me and breathed deeply. “I really should have called, huh?”

“It was mostly a joke. You’ll get it when you check your phone messages.” I stayed there for a few more moments, and when I pulled back, I took one of his hands. The other had a backpack in it, but I didn’t comment on it. “Have you eaten?”

“I’m not hungry,” he said and let me lead him over to the couch.

“Something light?” I asked hopefully. “You need to eat to heal up.”

He looked askance, but I continued to stare at him, so when he finally did look at me, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t see me. He hesitated, so I took a chance and tried to look as sincere as possible. Surprisingly, that got him. “Something light and small,” he said firmly.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said and squeezed his hand before leaving him to get comfy while I tried to figure out something we could both stomach.

Dinner was…fine. Awkward, with both of us trying to find something to talk about that wasn’t…well, unappetizing. Afterwards we did cuddle for a bit, carefully, and he started to relax a little. I could feel it, with how he let his head drift into my shoulder, the way his body started to curl into mine…

And I, trying to get more comfortable, lifted my foot to set it on the table only to shove it into our half-empty dinner containers, knocking them down to the other side of the table where they cracked open, making an immediate mess and ruining everything.

“Fuck,” I said as Steve sat up and away. I almost told him to ignore it and come back, but he was already bracing himself to get up, so instead I tried damage control. “I’m sorry; stay here and I’ll take care of it.”

“It’s fine, I can help,” he said and, stubborn jerk he was, went to the kitchen. That was better than the alternative, though, so I went to pick up the trash and waited on my knees for him to get back with the paper towels. He wouldn’t be doing any bending or crouching if I could help it; he was still moving stiff and careful, and I really didn’t want him to have to go back to the hospital. I wanted him here; safe and warm and not bleeding.

“Thanks,” I said as he put the trash containers in the bag they came in and tied it firmly shut. I did one last wipe around the floors to make sure I got all the splatter. Once I was certain I wouldn’t have any weird smells in the aftermath, I went to add them to the trash can.

Only to see Steve, with the lid propped open and the food bag still in his hand, staring at it like he was trying to solve an equation. Admittedly, the trash was very full. He even looked at me, at it, and back at me again. He gestured at the used paper towels in my hand. “I don’t think even those are going to fit.”

“Very funny,” I said, but it was nice to hear him joke. Even if it was stupid.

I dumped the paper towels, and then, since he was pinning the can already, took the trash bag out and helped him shove the smaller bag down in there before tying the whole thing off. “See? No problem.”

“Your ability to put chores off to the last possible second continues to inspire,” he said dryly.

“Yeah, I’m amazing,” I said and flexed. He motioned his hand for the bag. I shook my head. “I’ve got it. Go sit down; I’ll be right back.”

Something changed in his expression. It was more like a flash, like there was something in his eyes, or the way his lips moved, but I wasn’t fast enough to really take note, let alone name it.

However, he then shook his head, swallowed, and tried for lightness that was very obviously fake when he said, “Why don’t you let me take it?” He even moved to do just that, but he stopped just before I could poke him right in the stomach.

“Get back on the couch, Stitches,” I said. “I’d have thought you’d be glad not to have to deal with the trash.”

“Better me than you, considering the amount you manage to accumulate,” he said, eyeing the bag.

“Watch it, mister, or I will beat you with it.” I slipped on my flip-flops. “Hang tight; I promise I’ll be right back.”

“Let me come with,” he said quickly. “I won't touch the bag. Promise.”

“Steve,” I said, trying to be gentle because he had every right to be as paranoid as he wanted to be, but it wasn’t good for him. “I’ll be fine. Two minutes.”

He stepped close and gave me…the puppy eyes. Damn him. “Humor me?” he asked and there was nothing light or joking in his tone. So I caved, and let him do what he needed to do. Admittedly, it was nice to have someone open the door for me, but when he winced at lifting the chute cover, I glared him down until he backed off and stood watch. Once the garbage was done with, I opened my arm to him, and he forced a brief smile, linked his arm with mine, and we walked back home together and flopped onto the couch.

“See?” he said with a little too much ‘told you so’ for a man who basically supervised one of the easiest (if most annoying) household chores.

“I saw quite a bit,” I said and poked at his bicep. However I then started rubbing it, and when he actually let out a sigh that sounded like relief I started in earnest. “Are you sore?”

“In some places more than others,” he admitted. “I’m…mostly just tired, I think.”

“Okay. A little rub-down, and then we’ll hit the hay,” I said.

He actually took the bait. “What kind of rub-down?” he asked, but while his voice was light, it wasn’t as enthusiastic as he might have been normally, even if all he was going to do was make a stupid follow-up to my already stupid joke.

Still, I gave it some thought. “Would you like that kind of ‘rub-down?’” I asked, because sometimes an orgasm was a nice way to relax yourself for sleep, and if anybody needed to let out a little tension, Steve was it.

He actually took my suggestion for careful consideration. And I had my answer when his face fell. “Maybe I am worse off than I thought,” he said, almost mournfully.

I stood up, and held out my hands to him. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”

He let me take one hand but used the other one to push himself off the couch. He-of-little-faith wasn’t wrong in assuming I couldn’t do much right now, given I was tired too, but it was still vaguely insulting. “I can’t even surprise you by picking you up,” he complained as we made the short trek.

“Oh noooo,” I said, mocking sadness. “Whatever will I d-o!”

Steve wrapped his arms around me from behind and yanked me back into him so he could bite the back of my neck. I let out a laugh and smacked at his hand. “Fucking vampire.”

“Mm hm,” he said and nuzzled that part of my skin. Getting ready for bed was extra challenging, because Steve was so reluctant to let go. And reluctant to acknowledge that in any way. I tried to give him a hint with a hip bump or two, but he came right back next to me, touching or holding whatever he could, and I did my best to work around it. No wonder he was still exhausted, if he was still this on edge and hypervigilant, but we got into bed without tripping over each other, and while Steve didn’t let me lay on top of him, he did pull me right up close to his body, and draped an arm and leg over me. Despite all that, though, he barely relaxed.

“SHIELD’s wasting time on a security detail for me,” I said softly, running my hand up and down his arm.

“I know,” he said. He swallowed. “And it’s not a waste of time.”

“So sleep,” I said, forestalling the argument that was going to come out of that last part. “If anything happens, you’ll know about it.”

He sighed. “I wish it was that easy.”

“I know,” I said. “But…try.”

He blinked a few times, but nodded a bit and shut his eyes, at least. I shut my eyes, and tried to stay awake with him, but exhaustion was too strong, and I could only hope it was the same for him.

~

I woke to the sound of my alarm and had an immediate reaction of ‘fuck no’ so strong that I flopped around for my phone and took it in hand. Steve was stirring, which made me a little mad, since he actually had fallen asleep at some point. I checked the time, but I knew my boss was up, since he was definitely an early riser, and when I called him to call out of work for the day, my voice was so naturally rough he let it go without a comment other than a generic wish to get well soon.

At the end I croaked out a “Thanks,” hung up, and snuggled back next to Steve.

He pulled me even closer and chuckled. “Liar, liar, pants on fire…”

I grabbed Moo Cow Milk Tea and thwapped Steve in the head with him. “Go back to sleep, or I will literally set your pants on fire.”

“But you’ll buy me a new pair,” he said and nuzzled me.

“Nope; I’ll let you do the walk of shame.”

“Or maybe you just want to keep me here. Pantsless.”

I smiled and tried to hold back my laughter. “Ah, you have discovered my nefarious plan to keep you all to myself forever,” I said as flatly as I could. “You may never leave now that you know my villainous secret, Captain America.”

“A villain has me in her bed and only wants to take my pants?” He kissed my neck. “You might be the worst wanna-be evil-doer I’ve ever faced.”

“Watch it, buddy; I think that Porcupine asshole is way less efficient than me. I mean, how are you going to fight other bad guys without pants? They’d never take you seriously.”

“But then they’d be too busy laughing and I’d beat them handily.”

“Because you’re shameless.”

He chuckled against my head. “Because I’m shameless.”

We went back to sleep together, but I woke up alone to the late morning sun. Moo Cow Milk Tea was on Steve’s pillow, positioned on his back with his arms (mostly) behind his head, like he was relaxing. I snorted at the sight.

“I tried to get his legs to cross, but they wouldn’t stay,” Steve said as he walked in with two cups of coffee.

“It’s so nice to see the two of you finally getting along,” I said, and made grabby hands for one of the mugs.

“It’s a stuffed animal,” Steve scoffed as he sat in his spot, but he gave me what I was nonverbally asking for. However as soon as that hand was free, he grabbed Moo Cow Milk Tea and tossed him flippantly behind himself, where the poor inanimate object hit the wall and fell to the floor.

I stifled laughter and focused on swallowing the drink I was trying to take in. Once it was safely down my gullet, I said, “A stuffed animal you gave me.”

“So I can take it back,” he said faux-snobbishly.

I gave him a serious look. “One: no,” I said flatly, even though I knew he didn’t mean it. “Two: it’s a stuffed animal you gave me and that’s why I like it, you doofus.” I blew on the hot liquid. “It’s nice to have around when you aren’t here.”

“Well…I guess that’s all right then,” he said, slightly mollified and dropping the act. He leaned in for a kiss, and I rolled my eyes but met him halfway.

“Morning,” I said as I sat back.

He bobbed his head, and smiled a little bitterly. “Yeah. It– it sure is a morning,” he said, looking down at his cup.

“Did you eat?”

He grimaced. “I’m not hungry,” he said. He barely had the words out before his stomach rumbled, and he ducked into his shoulders more as a light flush graced his face.

“Your stomach disagrees,” I said as sympathetically as I could. Needing to eat but not wanting to– been there; who hadn’t.

“I don’t know what it’s talking about,” he said sourly and took another drink.

“Hmm.” I sipped mine. “What about just trying some toast? It’s relatively easy to get down, but if you decide you really don’t want any, I can finish it up for you.”

He was quiet, and kept his mouth close to the lip of his mug. I didn’t think the coffee was helping much with whatever nausea he might have been feeling, but he didn’t need me nagging at him. He was a grown man; he could decide if and when he wanted to eat. For the moment I simply enjoyed his company, and the start of a day relatively sheltered from the ambient noise of the city in motion outside. After a few minutes, he capitulated. “Maybe just a couple of slices,” he said quietly.

When he got some food in him, though, his appetite opened up, though he was hesitant to indulge it. I tried to make suggestions, but when he started being more resistant, I backed off. Much of the day passed like that, in a weird, quiet haze, with me trying to take care of Steve with intermittent suggestions of food and shower and rest, and he allowed it at certain increments, and to certain points that didn’t make much sense to me. He relented to a shower, but refused the nice warm clothes I tried to give him; he ate a bowl of cereal, but shook his head on my offer to order a good lunch, even though he was obviously still hungry.

I didn’t know if he was in his head and doing this for reasons known only to him, or if this was a weird act of self-recrimination– take only the bare minimum I could give, or asked him to do, and allow himself no other comfort from it. I didn’t like the implications, but talking was also not something he was willing to do much of. Being at home on a random work weekday was surreal enough, and Steve being quiet and moody only added to it.

I was still happier to have him with me, though. The thought of him having to suffer alone at home was a miserable one. Maybe the day kind of sucked. But the whole situation sucked, and was going to suck no matter what. I leaned against him in relief, and after only a moment of tensing, he relaxed, and wrapped his arm around me.

In the evening, after coaxing him into finally having his first real, full meal of the day, he was sitting on the couch, fiddling with something while I cleaned up and got some drinks together. When I got back to the couch, Steve was flipping through a thin, battered-looking folder.

“What’s that?” I asked as I sat down next to him.

“The new file we found on the Wi- on Bucky,” Steve said and let it flop shut. He was quiet and I let him be as he sank back into the couch cushion, looking lost in thought.

I nudged his arm. “I got that fancy juice you like,” I said and held it to him.

“Thanks sweetheart,” he said, words without thought, but he did take the drink and sip at it. He held it down on his thigh and sighed. “I’m sorry I’m so…”

I made sure he wasn’t going to finish that sentence before I responded. “You get to be any which way you want right now,” I said. “There’s no right or wrong way to deal with this.”

“Sam’s got suggestions,” he said wryly.

“Because he’s your friend,” I said. “He knows therapist shit because it’s his wheelhouse and his interest. But you know anything he tells you now is because he cares about you.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I just…don’t know that I deserve it.”

I leaned against him and chewed on that. “Is it better to think that?” I asked quietly. “Does it make you feel better to think that–”

“There’s no feeling better right now,” he said, flat, fast. He shook a little and I sat up to see tears barely brimming at his eyes. He actually let them fall. Or maybe he just had so little control right now. I could wish for the former, but I feared it was the latter. He swallowed a couple of times, and confirmed said fear when the tears stopped and he abruptly rubbed his face dry. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Okay,” I said. “No judgement, but is touch okay, or not okay?”

He gave it some thought. “Small touch,” he said, in a small voice. I was slow as I slid my hands over one of his, but when he didn’t flinch away, I held it, and pushed back the desire to grip it for dear life.

“I have to find him,” he said. He wrapped his fingers around mine and looked at me. “I have to help him.”

I nodded. Of course he was going to; this was Bucky, he was Steve’s everythi-

Oh.

A lump lodged in my throat. Logically I knew this might happen, and still I couldn’t help but be stupid and selfish about it. “Of course,” I said, shoving back all the ugly feelings I didn’t want to know the details of. I hated what had been done to him too, and while I didn’t know Bucky, I knew enough via Steve to want him safe and happy. By proxy if nothing else. “Are you…are you going to–…do you want to–…is this–…”

“Oh, God.” Steve inhaled sharply and gripped my hand tighter. “Sweetheart, no, I– I have no idea where his head’s at. I know he’s been back in the city at least twice. That he did everything in his power to make sure I didn’t notice him once.” He swallowed again. “I love him. I knew I always would. Like I love Peggy, and always will.” He turned and leaned his forehead in to touch mine, and I could hear– and feel– how ragged his breathing was. “And I love you. Right now. And nothing can change that. I’m not leaving you; this isn’t– unless you want–”

“I don’t, I don’t,” I said quickly. I swallowed back some of that emotion, now that imminent doom wasn’t hanging over my head. “I just know how much he means to you.”

“Do you know how much you mean to me?” he asked and gave me a small, slow kiss.

“I try,” I admitted, because thinking too much about that felt…egotistical in a way I still couldn’t quite grasp. Sometimes, maybe. Not now, though; not with Bucky back throwing everything for a loop. Well, for a definition of ‘back.’

“But…”

I looked up. His eyes were still down. “I will have to leave at some point. Physically, at least.” He looked right at me, forcing eye contact and squeezing my hand hard when I tried to look away. “I don’t know how long it will be, how long it will take, but I have to find him. I have to help him.”

I opened my mouth on instinct. “I–”

“Just– listen for a moment,” he said, and at that point he looked away again. I did as he said and waited, until he gathered himself together again. “I don’t want to break up. But I know this situation is…it’s fucked. It’s all fucked up and you don’t have to deal with it– no, I know you care, I know everyone cares, but this is so much more than anyone should have to deal with. I’m choosing it. Actively. Even if it means going against SHIELD.” He gave me a wry smile. “They don’t trust the Winter Soldier, and I understand why. But I trust Bucky. I know he’s been getting on all right, but after this last time…it’s obvious his luck won’t hold forever, and now that I know he’s alive, whether he wants anything to do with me or not, I still have to do this. No matter what, I have to help him, and to do that, I have to find him. I might be gone more frequently, and for longer. And asking you to wait for me while I chase after him is…”

He shook his head and sat up, backing away from me just slightly. “It’s a lot. I know it is, and while I’m ninety-nine percent sure I know what you’ll say right now, I am asking you, sincerely, to take time and really, really think about it. I would not think one bit less of you if you decide it’s too much, but I can’t stand the thought of you committing to me, committing to all of this mess, without really, truly, thinking it through.” He looked at me again. “And when I say that, I mean I want you to think about what you want too. Not just what you think is the right answer, or what you think I want. So please, can you take some time, and really think it over?”

I knew what I wanted to say, but he gave me a stern look. I stuck out my tongue, and he actually moved as if to nip at it. “Hey!” I said in mock-offense, but some of the tenson broke, and Steve came back to me, smiling, and nipped at my lips until I opened up and let him in.

I tried to hold back, but part of me wanted to devour him; take all this comfort for all it was worth, but I drank him in steady doses, until he slowed, and we rested our heads together in silence.

The rest of the night was pretty quiet. The TV felt too loud, and none of my music sounded right, so I let it be, and so did Steve. After a while he picked up the slim folder again and started flipping through it, on the side opposite me, and I tried to respect his wishes and keep my eyes away. I could have gone to get a book. Or pulled out my phone. Instead, I sat there, and stayed in the comforting knowledge that, right now, Steve was here, and Steve was safe.

He wouldn’t always be. I tried to do as he asked, but my answer was much the same– if Steve didn’t want to end things with me, I didn’t want to end things with him. I saw no point in dragging that out. I loved Steve, but he was already complicated as all hell. He was an active-duty hero, who didn’t know when to quit, who had a lot of PTSD and issues and…love. He and Peggy weren’t together anymore, but he still loved her. Bucky was– had been– gone, but Steve’s love for him was sometimes strong enough I could almost picture him on Steve’s other side when he was sitting beside me, the few times he felt good enough to indulge in those stories.

So I had to wonder– was I okay with that maybe being a reality? True, we didn’t know where Bucky’s head was at, and the guy had a hell of a lot going on these days; but given Steve had, apparently, broken intense and painful brainwashing not once but twice, it felt stupid to think there were no shared feelings there. Maybe Bucky wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with him again, for whatever reason. But they both still loved each other. Was I okay enough to deal with that?

“I’m not going anywhere,” I blurted out. Steve’s hand slowly stopped its absent sliding up and down the page, and he flipped the manila folder shut. I stared at my lap. Was it foolish? Maybe. Was it easy? It probably wouldn’t be. Did I still know the answer with a certainty I’d never had for anything else in my life? Unequivocally yes. Which just made me second-guess myself more, honestly. “I don’t know what else you want me to do to prove it, but…I know what I want. And I want to stay with you.” I swallowed any potential lingering fear and doubt, and shut my hands to tight fists. “I’m not going to overthink it– I’m just going to take you at your word, and trust that you want me. So…trust me too.”

I kept my head down, but he slid his hands over mine, curled his fingers to hold my fists, and squeezed. “Okay,” he said softly. “So…we’re in this together.”

I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were a little misty, and he didn’t move to ‘fix’ them. “Yeah,” I said. I uncurled my fists and turned my hands so I could squeeze his in return. “We’re in it together. All of it.” I paused. “Except for any punchy bits. You can keep those.”

He let out a watery little laugh. “Really?”

“Yeah. Trust me, you don’t want me. I can’t even take out a fly at work that’s been making my life hell for like a fucking week now.”

He started laughing, though he also tried not to. “That sounds real tough, Sweetheart.”

I widened my eyes and gave him the saddest pout I could manage. “My life is the hardest, ever.”

He broke. Mostly into laughter, but the tear dam fell a bit too– not a lot, but some. He swallowed and blinked them back, or out, and I brushed my fingers over the escapees to dry his cheeks. He took my hand and almost smiled, but his expression straightened into something serious. “On a sort of related note, I want to ask you for just one more thing,” he said. He looked right at me. “Don’t refuse the SHIELD detail.”

I let out a tiny little sigh that I wanted to make a much, much bigger sigh, but also didn’t want to antagonize him into an actual fight. “Steve–”

“I mean it,” he said firmly. “I know– maybe it’s overbearing, but Bucky– he is the Winter Soldier. He almost killed Fury. He almost killed me. The mention of his code name terrified Natasha to the point where she couldn’t hide it. He is coming off brainwashing and drugs and training and while I know the man I love is still in there, I also know what can still happen if the wrong people get at him.” He put my hand over his bandaged shoulder. “And I won’t risk you for anything. Not even him.”

It still seemed silly– if Bucky was some big-time assassin, what could a couple of SHIELD agents do other than maybe get killed. If everyone really was as worried for me as they kept saying they were, then I doubted I would be allowed the free rein I (apparently) still had over my life and where I went and what I did.

But…I kept circling around that last part, and the implication it held. That if Steve had to, he’d go to the mat for me. For me. And while it was probably some (more than a little) for Bucky too, since the man Steve knew and loved wouldn’t have wanted to be a killer of random civilians, the sentiment still punched all the hot air right out of me. “Will it really make you feel better?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said without one iota of hesitation.

I sighed for real. “Fine.” It made me uneasy– because if Bucky did come around, I didn’t think SHIELD was going to be as lenient in their use of force as maybe Steve would, given Fury’s entire demeanor at that meeting and how even Phil had looked so tense, but even if Bucky knew about me, I truly believed he didn’t care one way or the other, and that was about the only thing that made this tolerable.

“Thank you.” Steve kissed me. “You won’t even notice them.”

“So everyone keeps telling me, but I don’t think that’s as reassuring as you all think it is,” I said dryly. It got a little chuckle out of him, and an understanding (perhaps commiserating) nod. I sighed. Well, that was that. However…

“I, uh…I do have one other thing about all this to bring up,” I said. I probably would have felt worse about it, but I was entirely drained. “Sharon drove me home after…after I visited you in the SHIELD medical…thing. She mentioned she was waiting to see Peggy in person to tell her, but I…I asked if she would let you give her the news instead.”

He didn’t look angry. He didn’t look anything but exhausted, and stared down at his lap. “I don’t…I don’t know how to even say it.”

“I know.” I took both his hands in both of mine and squeezed. “It’s going to suck, and it’s going to hurt, and you don’t have to, but…I think you should. I think she should hear it from you. I think you should be there for each other.” I swallowed hard. “I’m gonna be here for you for every bit of this, day or night, whatever, whenever you need, but…no one’s going to feel this the way the two of you are. And I think you should. Together.”

He squeezed back, and we just sat like that, for several minutes. Over that time, he slowly folded in on himself, and I leaned on him, and I let his tears flow over my hands like water draining from a cracked cup, until eventually they stopped, and he lifted himself up. Just slightly. “You’re right,” he said. “I want…I need to be the one to tell her.”

I was silent while Steve pulled himself back together. I did try to help dry some of the tears, and he leaned into my hand. “‘Whatever, whenever,’ huh?” He gave me an attempt at a smile. “What if I need company for a run at four a.m.?”

“You know I can’t run,” I said. But since his tone was only barely a joke, I added, “…But, we can walk. And I’ll limit myself to only three complaints.”

He actually perked up. “What if I get you a coffee?”

I tried not to show that I was biting down an internal scream. He was actually going to do this to me, I could already tell. But there was still seriousness even in his teasing, and it wasn’t like he slept great before all this bullshit happened, so, in the interest of making sure I would still be a safe place for my boyfriend to come to while the rest of his life fell down around him, I fucking sucked it up. “Coffee will bring me down to…two complaints.”

His smile grew a little more and he turned his head to give my hand a kiss before he sat back. “I won’t abuse that privilege,” he said, a little too seriously.

“You might have to come shake me awake,” I warned him. “But. You know where I sleep.”

“Mm.” He smiled weakly. “That actually sounds nice right now.”

“Yeah?” It really did, and if Steve thought he could sleep, then that was better than nothing. I stood, held out my hand, and this time he took it easily. “Let’s go to bed.”

~

I actually woke before my alarm. Given the fact we had gone to bed a lot earlier than I would have normally, that wasn’t surprising. That Steve was still asleep, though, was. I kept my victory fist-pump to myself, made sure to turn my alarm off for the day, then carefully considered my escape. Steve’s hand was on my side, and his face was right behind me, but I did some incremental sliding towards the edge of the bed and he didn’t seem to appear bothered, so I kept up my snail’s pace, until I was too far to take his hand any further, very carefully lifted it, and then set it on the bed. Again, he didn’t stir; just let out a little huff of air and snuggled into the pillow. I resisted the urge to give him a kiss, and went to the bathroom to start getting ready.

It was a slower process than usual, but there was only so much I could do to keep quiet. I kept the door shut for my shower, but had to come back out for my clothes. I kept the door halfway shut to block most of the light, and the way it opened kept direct light away from him, so for most of my morning routine I let it be, and just tried to keep it down while I got ready. I was almost done when I banged my hand against the counter hard enough to make me start a, “Fucking–!” before I remembered I was trying to be quiet. I looked over, and sure enough, he was watching me.

“Hey,” I said quietly, mindful that only one eye was open, and shook out my aching limb. “Sorry; I didn’t mean to wake you.” I was going to shut the door, but I stopped and leaned on it instead. “Do you want me to call out of work again?”

He shook his head. “I have some things to take care of today,” he mumbled sleepily, and he smiled. “I like watching you get ready.”

I snorted. “I can spit toothpaste like no other.”

“I was really impressed when you tripped into your pants,” he said. I almost wanted to call out just because he looked so stupid-cute, half-snuggled into the pillow, but if he was going out later anyways, then I might as well go to work.

I flicked off the bathroom light and went over to briefly sit on the bed, leaning down to give him a kiss. “Take your time,” I said.

“Mm hm,” he said, and pulled me in for one more kiss, before letting go. I pulled the blanket up to his shoulder, leaving his arm out the way he preferred, and watched him start to snooze again, before I grabbed my things, turned off the lights, and left him to a peaceful rest.

~

Later that morning, the fly landed on my cubicle wall, just off to the side, within arm’s reach, and stared at me. Or maybe it wasn’t staring at me. But it felt like it was. I scowled just in case and considered another attempt to swat the thing, but I was already testing my neighbor’s patience with how hard I had smacked the wall twice already today, and I knew from experience that all I was going to get for my trouble was a stinging hand and pointed glare from over the other side. So instead, I picked up my phone, took a picture, and sent it to Steve with a simple message.

Me: THIS MOTHERFUCKER

I put my phone down and tried to get back to work, only swatting at the thing when it got too close to my head. (That buzzing right near my ears made me want to chew through my own jaw.)

But then there was a different kind of buzzing. From a different person.

Sam: Hey, so, I try real hard not to snoop… Sam: But I walked in and saw Steve doubled over and I was worried he was crying so I peeked at his phone. Sam: And while now I’m pretty sure he’s laughing– Sam: Still. Continuously. Endlessly. Etc.– Sam: I wanted to ask: Sam: Are YOUokay?

I smiled and chewed on the question while I responded to an urgent email from my boss. And came to a conclusion.

Me: You know Me: I think I will be Me: We both will.

~

When I arrived home, there was no Steve, but the living area had been picked up, the kitchen counters were cleaned off, and there was a bundle of flowers by the sink with a note sticking out of them. And Moo Cow Milk Tea hugging the base of the colorful cellophane-wrapped pot. I picked up the note and read through it.

“Sweetheart–

I’ll be away for a couple of days. I have that thing to take care of. In D.C. I told Sam, and he’s going to stay close by in case I need him. So don’t worry– I’ll be okay. In my absence, I have instructed Moo Cow Milk Tea to take care of the house while I’m gone. He’ll take good care of you ;)

I love you and I’ll be back as soon as I can.

Love, Your boyfriend. AKA Not-a-stupid-stuffed-animal. AKA Steve.”

I laughed even as I rolled my eyes. I almost regretted bringing the damn thing up, but then I picked up Moo Cow Milk Tea and…smelled him. He smelled like Steve. Like Steve’s cologne, when he got stuck going to some stupid-ass fancy party.

I blinked away tears, and hugged the stupid stuffed animal before I grabbed my phone.

Me: Don’t worry Me: You are still number one Me: Moo Cow can’t order takeout when I don’t want to deal with the phone Steve: Ah yes, fingers: why I am the best Steve: Wait Steve: I didn’t mean it like that

I grinned.

Me: No, you’re right. On both counts.

I sent the kissy face. He sent a lot of blushing faces back. I stood there for a moment, mind blanking, until I realized I still didn’t really know what to say.

Me: Say hi to Peggy for me Steve: I will Steve: Take care sweetheart. I’ll be in some SHIELD meetings when I get back, but I meant it: I promise I’ll be back soon

‘Not leaving yet,’ I took that to mean.

Me: Well, call if you need anything Me: ‘In this together’ and all that

Together– in boyfriends-turned-assassins back from the dead, and potential four AM wake-up calls. One of those was decidedly less pleasant than the other, and, in my humble opinion, it wasn’t the one full of knives. Ugh.

For now, I heaved out a giant sigh, then picked up the stuffed animal and flowers all together and took them to the living room. I set the flowers in the middle of the coffee table, where they could look pretty for a few days, and held Moo Cow Milk Tea as I set up a favorite movie guaranteed to make me cry. I was still on edge, and I needed a release to get me back to semi-normal. Nothing about this was going to be easy, even if Bucky showed up randomly tomorrow, so I had to be strong and steady for whatever was coming next. Because I was here, with Steve, for all of it, and knew I would be, no matter what.

~

<<Previous Chapter Next Chapter>> (in progress)

[dulciedeleche]

30 Day OTP Challenge - Day 15 - In A Different Clothing Style

More modern AU! And Octavo being a grump

[lunarmoonanons]

Hi, can you do yandere izuku x bully reader headcanons, please. Also can you make it where izuku and reader are in the same class at u.a together

I’ll do my best. But I’m not really great at writing bully protagonists. 

A lot of people in Class 1A like Izuku. Who wouldn’t? He’s sweet and kind. Loves to motivate and uplift his friends. An all around good kid by all accounts. 

Everyone loves Izuku. 

Everyone but YN. 

YN is not a social person. Using her quirk to try to be a hero. But an underground hero. Out of sight and paparazzi. A constant thought for her being: If you have to show off how great and “good” of a person you are then you just want attention. 

A social sweet boy and an angry asocial girl. Polar opposites. 

At least that’s how YN saw it. 

She did not like Midoriya. Thinking that he was just another nosy attention seeker who used his emotions to his benefit to manipulate those to like him. Whereas she pushed people away, he pulled people to him. 

YN didn’t hesitate to take the opportunity to berate, criticize, or ignore Midoriya. Mostly nowadays she would shove him away and glare at him. His large green eyes creeped the fuck out of her. 

Sometimes she thought he was toxic without even knowing it. 

Being the type to say “Am I not enough for you?” in some whiny voice. 

YN hated attention. Never missing the chance to hate those that called for it. 

“Wow do you reaaalllly need people to see how much of a hero you are Midoriya? Are you that desperate for affection? Some fucking hero you are.” 

Polar opposites. 

Izuku didn’t see it that way.

He saw it as healthy competition between a boyfriend and girlfriend. Just a couple even if YN wasn’t ready to accept it yet. Whenever people would tell him to say something to her or fight back, he’d close his eyes and smile. Simply saying that it was just some teasing from a girlfriend to a boyfriend. That it was alright and they shouldn’t bother, cause he doesn’t. 

Most let it go after that. One unfortunate Gen Ed student said that it was a toxic relationship and that Midoriya should dump her. A week later the student had to leave UA because of multiple allegations and rumors of that student running around with villains or misusing their quirk. 

Midoriya adored YN. Her fight, control of her quirk, determination to become a hero balanced with her ideals of not needing or wanting a fanbase to boost her hero status. She just wanted to save people and do it without attention. 

But he knew all that. He wrote it down. 

Most of his friends or other classmates got a page about their quirk and such. But she got three notebooks and counting, all about her. Her ticks, favorite colours and foods, the way she’d play with the ends of her hair, how the pajamas she wore clung around her  as she slept, the hug of her tanktop across her chest when she wore it without a bra. 

One notebook had copious pictures of her. Most being unsavory for the average viewer, not that he’d ever let anyone else see her.

Honestly he was glad that she wanted to be an underground hero. Feeling that if he had to share her attention and affection with anyone else, even her fans, he would lose his mind. 

Midoriya was excellent at playing the waiting game. Having collected various forgotten items of hers to get close in the beginning, one being a discarded sports bra that was unwashed, to eventually wearing her down enough for the nasty comments to become her just staring at him. Anyone else would think that she was glaring at him, but he knew better. He could play the long game.

YN scowled at the green haired boy as she shoved past him to get to lunch. Turning her head back to glare at him over her shoulder. Fucking freak.

Izuku grinned to himself as he looked at his hand, the same hand that he subtly ran over her hips when she shoved him. Soon pretty baby.

[thechangeling]

But you like her better: Part 1

This fic features Kit's potential new girlfriend hinted at in a letter from Tessa to Magnus in CC's newsletter. A bunch of people in the fandom built her from the ground up @littlx-songbxrd @foxglove-airmid @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno and @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood to name a few, and gave her a personality, name and backround. Their name is Marí.

Kit uses he/they pronouns in this fic and Marí uses she/they.

Cw: Disassociation (or at least how I experience it idk it might not be the same for everyone), negative self talk, self injurious stims, and bad coping mechanisms.

Title is from Heather by Conan Gray.

Marìa. Marí as she preferred to be called, was a bubbly kind soul with a wide inviting smile and a melodic voice.

Even Ty could admit that they were quite beautiful, despite not seeing women (or in Marí's case anyone who was particularly alienated with womanhood,) in a romantic or sexual light. It took him awhile to realize he was gay, but when he did it just seemed so obvious. He had gone through a minor phase of experimentation at the scholomance when he was younger but it hadn't lasted long.

Still Marí was stunning. And perhaps what made her even more stunning was her kindness and generosity. Ty had met her on the beach in LA while she and her parents were visiting the LA institute for a downworlder/shadowhunter summit being held by Helen, Aline, Mark and Cristina, similar to the one Julian held in 2012.

Ty noticed that Tessa and Jem were present, but Kit was not. He was not exactly sure how that should make him feel. So Ty elected to push the pain in his chest further down. To shove all if his unresolved feelings and worries and questions about Kit Herondale back into the metaphorical box and move on.

So he had gone outside to walk on the beach to distract himself when he found Marí sitting on the sand and crying.

Apparently according to them, they had come across a few dead moon jellyfish, or Aurelia aurita as was more scientifically accurate, that had washed up on the beach.

Ty remembered being moved by how she had such compassion for another living creature who wasn't even a person. It was rare. Ty had helped her bury them. She seemed wary and a little hostile around him at first, noticing his runes. She was clutching her body tightly. Ty noticed her anxiety and told her how he was also a lover of aquatic life and he found marine biology fascinating. This had prompted her to instantly change demeanor and become very excited and start jumping up and down and waving her hands before she told him that she was studying marine biology at university in Devon.

The mention of Devon should gave promoted Ty to wonder if Marí knew Kit but he was still putting up mental blocks to protect himself from the Kit situation so it hadn't crossed Ty's mind.

They had sat on the beach and talked for hours. Marí told him their name and that they used she/they pronouns. They also told Ty that they were from Devon, but their family was from Loiza, a city on the Northeastern coast of Puerto Rico. And also that they were all werewolves who pretty much hated shadowhunters but he seemed ok because he liked jellyfish. They mentioned that marine biology was one of their special interests and that they were autistic and had ADHD.

It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell Marí about him also being autistic but Ty being guarded and asocial, decided not to and told her as little as possible. He supposed he had some trust issues after everything. He mentioned his name, that he was attending the scholomance, and a few basic facts about his family. He also talked about his friend Alyssa Reyes. 

Alyssa or Ali as he called her, was a werewolf with Maia's pack in New York. She was assigned as a liaison to the scholomance to act as a bridge between the werewolves and future centurions. And BOY had she complained about it. Alyssa was basically the president of the fuck shadowhunters club and she was autistic and had ADHD. She and Marí would have gotten along quite well.

Marí overall did most of the talking but she didn't seem to mind. On the contrary.

Ty had no idea that by that point they were already dating Kit.

When Kit returned with apologetic smiles and a new found charisma and confidence, he also brought her. And she was so happy to see Ty again that he felt so guilty for feeling torn up inside.

Ty couldn't hate Marí. Not even if he tried. They hadn't done anything wrong and neither had Kit. So Ty would just have to settle for hating himself for being angry over nothing.

Kit and Ty weren't really talking. Sure they had exchanged some words together when basically forced to, but Kit was being standoffish and Ty was still feeling a little annoyed. But mostly hurt. Ty had heard that Kit was using he/they pronouns and now identified as genderfluid. He had so many questions for Kit but Ty knew he couldn't ask. At least not right now.

Currently Ty was watching Kit and Marí talking. Kit was in the middle of telling her what looked to be a funny story based on the way she was laughing. Kit pushed a lock of dark curly hair back behind her ear and smiled.

Ty felt queasy. He bit his lip and averted his gaze trying to shake off the horrible feeling. Everytime he saw them together his chest felt like it was being squeezed by a juicer. Like he was being crushed and torn up on the inside and it was his fault. Just like it was his fault that Kit left. Or maybe that wasn't true. Maybe it was just inevitable but that didn't make it any easier.

Ty didn't have the right to be jealous or upset. He had no claim over Kit. He was being ridiculous he told himself as he attempted to shove all of these dark feelings into the box.

But this time it wasn't working.

"Alright you look like you're about to snap crackle and pop," Ty heard a voice say beside him. "What gives Sherlock?"

Ty looked up to see Alyssa Reyes standing next to him. When they had all congregated together in the LA institute and Kit had brought Marí and his friend Janessa back with them. Ty had decided to bring his lucky charm and close friend with him.

When Alyssa first came to the scholomance things were quite rough. But they had connected, first on the basis of being autistic and then through other things. Ali also had a love of mysteries and the two of them together were quite the team. The two of them had become incredibly close. Anush called her Irene because she was the only one who could outsmart Ty.

Speaking of Anush..

He was currently still back at the scholomance. They had both decided it was best for him to stay behind so they could spend some time apart. They had recently broken up after Ty finally realized he wasn't in a good place emotionally to date anyone. Ty had been forced to put Livvy's spirit to rest permanently when it started to have an affect on the mortal world negativity. It had been Livvy herself who had begged Ty to save the world at her expense.

That had been about a month ago and Ty was still relatively numb. He had a feeling it would begin to hurt eventually. Just not yet.

"Hey did you hear me?" Alyssa raised her voice. "What's wrong?" Ty refocused on his friend.

She was wearing her costume for the Halloween party they were all attending tonight. Kit, Ty, Dru, Alyssa, Marí, Jaime, Janessa and Thaís. It was Dru herself who had suggested they need a break from essentially preparing themselves for what was probably going to be another war. So they were headed to a vampire hosted party at a club in downtown LA. Alyssa had been sure to grab earplugs for Ty and herself which he was grateful for.

Alyssa was dressed as Aeryn Sun from Farscape, one of the many autistic coded characters from scifi that she was obsessed with. She was wearing a long black leather trench coat with black leather pants and a black tank top. Her dark brown hair was pulled back onto a long braid traveling down to her lower back. She even had leather boots and a fake blaster gun holstered at her thigh to complete the look.

And Ty of course, was dressed as Sherlock.

Ty shook his head at her. "Nothing Ali I'm fine."

Alyssa glowered at him. "Bullshit you're fine. I thought we agreed never to lie to each other?"

Ty sighed, gazing back at Kit and Marí, still smiling at each other. Alyssa followed his gaze.

"Oh you're jealous aren't you!" She declared matter of factly. Ty instantly shushed her.

"Oh relax they can't hear us, she muttered. We're too far away." She twirled her long braid and stimmed with the ends of it. "You know if you plan on taking your anger out on that lovely girl, a member of our COMMUNITY no less, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, then I'm like legally required to throw hands," she said with a smile.

Ty didn't smile back. "I wouldn't," he murmered, looking down. He had been flicking his fingers lazily at his sides, but now Ty found that wasn't good enough. He dug his fingernails into his right palm.

Alyssa looked concerned. "Hey I was just kidding," she said softly. She took his hand that had been creating little half-moon red divots on his skin and carefully threaded his fingers through her own.

Ali squeezed Ty's hand. "You know I'm on your side no matter what." He squeezed back.

Ty looked at the couple again. Emotions swirled all around his heart like little ribbons grazing against the sides. It wasn't just jealousy neccessary and Ty was a little shocked to find that he wasn't angry anymore. He was just...what?

Sad?

Sad didn't even begin to feel like it covered it. He felt so lost. And alone. And.... He felt himself starting to drift away, separating from himself. Ty could hear the fuzzy far away echo of someone trying to speak to him, but he couldn't make out the words. They were getting further and further away.

Everything was blurry and out of focus.

"Ty!" He heard a voice shout. With a jolt he was snapped back into his body. He turned to face Alyssa who was staring at him, looking obviously alarmed.

But the worst part was that everyone else was staring at him too. Including Kit. They looked  shocked, but also something else that Ty couldn't quite pinpoint. There was an air of desperation to their voice when they asked,

"Are you ok?"

Was Ty ok?

It was such a funny question coming from Kit who hadn't spoken more than two words to him this whole time.

Kit who had left.

Ty didn't know what else to do except laugh. He burst laughing hysterically, almost falling from his position of where he was leaning against the wall. He desperately tried to gasp for air as he cackled.

Everyone was staring at him looking horrified. Dru pulled out her phone as if she was contemplating calling someone, then decided against it. Tears were starting to roll down Ty's cheeks as he kept laughing.

Alyssa grabbed his arm. "Alright, come with me," she ordered, dragging him to the side. Ty managed to stop laughing as she guided him firmly into the training room.

Ty's eyes were still blurry with tears, so he wiped them away. Alyssa was smiling at him softly, looking sympathetic. "It's gonna be ok Ty,: she cooed, taking his hand again. Alyssa began to rub slow soothing circles onto his palm.

"Ok, you wanna tell me what's going on now?" She asked gently. Ty sniffed and used his other hand to wipe away the rest of his tears.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I don't know how to describe or explain it.

Alyssa nodded. "Well, try. You can use quotes or song lyrics if you want." Ty smiled. He was grateful that Ali understood.

Ty chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It feels like a tear in my heart. Like a part of me is missing and I just can't feel it," he quoted. Alyssa stared at him, pondering. She continued to stroke his hand.

"Do you think what you're missing is Kit?" She asked. "Do you miss him?"

Ty glared at Alyssa and snatched his hand back. "No," he said firmly. "I don't."

Ali rolled her eyes. "Jesus you're almost as bad at love as I am! It's like trying to open a rusted toolbox with a fork getting you to open up!" She snapped.

Ty bared his teeth under closed lips and glowered at her. "Well maybe I never asked for your help!"

"Well maybe you should calm down and recognize that I'm your friend and I'm worried about you!" She shouted back.

Guilt instantly washed over him, pricking his skin. Ty squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry Ali," he whispered.

He wished he could cry. Now more than ever Ty wished he could make himself cry. Over Livvy, over Kit. Over the coming battle. Over everything.

"Do you love them?" He heard her ask. There was no need to ask who she meant.

Ty opened his eyes. This was the thing he never acknowledged. Never said outloud. Never even let himself think it. Because it was terrifying. The acknowledgement of the truth.

The truth was that Ty would probably give his life just to see that adorable smile one more time. That he could tell you how many freckles Kit had because he had spent so many hours staring at Kit and counting them.

The truth was that when Kit held him, he felt closer to anyone then he ever had in his entire life. Ty had sat outside of Kit's door for hours, days even when they had first arrived because he had felt something, even then. Something pulling at him from the other side of that door like a magnet. He told himself it was just curiosity. A scientific curiosity.

It was the only thing that could logically explain Ty's obsession. It wasn't serious. It wasn't-

"I love him," Ty admitted shakily, breaking the silence. Even Alyssa looked a little suprised.

"I'm in love with Kit."

Before Ali could respond, Ty sensed movement by the training room door which they had forgotten to close. Ty instantly whipped around to see who it was, wondering frantically if they had overheard what Ty had said.

Standing in the door frame wearing her Mortica Addams costume for the party, complete with a jet black long wig was Marí.

And the look on their face suggested to Ty that they had heard every word.

I will try and get part 2 up as soon as I can! It will be from Marí's perspective.

The song Ty quotes is Can you hold me by NF.

Tag list: @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies   @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @arangiajoan @queenlilith43 @adoravel-fenomeno

[kheta]

Dragon saves Ace and Rogue for reasons

My Disgraceful Little Shit

Another one of my trashed-fics that I cnba finishing even tho I really liked it. Mentions of genocide and execution, but nothing explicit. Head canon heavy.

Looking at the man he’d raised, as loosely perhaps as the word raised could be used, Garp felt affection laced with fear course through him. His little shit was leaving, without attempting to say goodbye either.

Or, how one conversation changed everything.

Monkey. D’s are many things, including but not limited to: exponentially talented, ambitious, stubborn to a fault, craving for adventure and kind-hearted. Some lesser known fact about them however, are their innate inability to display affection subtly, their uncanny ability to be in the middle of all troubles, their selfish tendencies and unfortunately the consequences of being adventure craving, kind-hearted idiots. Their too big hearts caused conflict with their wanderlust, especially when their displays of affection often proved too brash, too intense for people to handle. These traits had sculpted Garp in many ways, lead him onto a path he never regretted, but in his rare wistful moments when he was more Marine than he was Monkey.D, he’d look back and wonder if the things he had given up were worth the adventures he’d lived through.

He’d loved his wife, would have given the whole adventure scene up if she had asked, reluctant as he’d been. But she had never asked and selfish as he could be, he had ignored the growing instabilities their love caused. Just as he had craved adventures, she had loathed being stuck in one place. It was no surprise then, when she’d left their son in the hands of a friend they’d made back on his home island.

Dragon had been raised well, his heart wide, his brain ever-curious and his will to live strong. Garp considers it a shame that him and his mother couldn’t take credit for that. Dragon’s independence meant he often took responsibility for himself, even the first fourteen years when him and his wife had shuffled their schedules so Dragon was never without at least one of his parents, Dragon proved to be independent and asocial.

Though he loved his parents, he hadn’t needed them in a long time.

(When Garp had met his wife again, him a certified hero, her an extravagant traveller, he hadn’t asked her. Hadn’t wondered loudly if their love could have survived. They had kissed softly before she answered the question he didn’t ask, desperate and loving, but so changed from the courses of their life. Him more scarred than before, her as beautiful as the day he’d last seen her three years before, lips gentle and caressing. Her answer was a whisper in his ear, head cocked in his shoulder while his arms were loosely wrapped around her waist. She hadn’t asked him to give up adventure, because she’d never stay anyway. They could love each other, but it would never be enough when adventure were concepts engraved in their very beings, and he a Marine and her, an outlaw.)

Looking at the man he’d raised, as loosely perhaps as the word raised could be used, Garp felt affection laced with fear course through him. His little shit was leaving, without attempting to say goodbye either.

“Seventeen years and I don’t even get a bye, you little shit,” his voice booms boisterous as ever.

Said little shit snorts, but turns to face his father, cloak covering the shitty tattoos Garp had loudly disapproved of, though his son cared little.

“I’ll see you again,” he replies after a while.

Chuckling, Garp moves forward and punches Dragon. It’s a punch that would heavily bruise a regular guy, but instead only leaves his son tense. Neither his mother nor his father pulled their punches with him, not since he was a child anyway.

“Have you gone and told your mother about your stupid plans?” Garp questions needlessly.

After all, Dragon saw him at least once every six months and he’d pieced together the little shits ideas himself. His mother wouldn’t have a single clue about the independent shit storm their son was planning, though she’d sure as hell be proud. Perhaps sad that he wasn’t a pirate, like he was sad that he wasn’t a marine, but proud they’d both be.

Dragon just looks at him.

Shrugging carelessly Garp sits on the roof, weary from the day’s events and looks up.

“Are you sure about this? As soon as you make a move against the World Government, I won’t be able to help you. The second you start this, it’s just you and your own resources.”

Empty words, nothing could sway Dragon at this point. Maybe a year or two ago, but frankly Garp was never one to control his son’s life. If the shit didn’t want to be a marine, then for all he could drag him kicking and screaming, he’d still be a damn useless, if not powerful marine.

If he wanted to overthrow a few countries, then Garp could only watch.

“I’ve planned for months, I know what will happen.”

He turns to face the direction of their home, body unreadable, voice stoic. It’s a funny image, because Garp can only see the child he’d raised with an indignant scowl, a love for meat and the open body language of a child.

Laughing Garp tugs at the cloak until his son falls next to him, then slings an arm around his broad shoulder. Dragon grunts in surprise, disgruntled. He’d miss this little shit, rebellious attitude and all.

“My little shit will become a disgraceful little shit very soon, so indulge this old man why don’t you.”

Next to him Dragon scowls, looking at his father unimpressed, but makes no move to leave.

Garp’s grip tightens to a painful level across the shoulder, he was a selfish old-man who never wanted to let go. He’d let go of so much today.

His wife.

His pride.

His rival.

Now, his son.

“Is it true, does he have a child?” Dragon asks, because tact and subtlety were useless against his father half the time.

Garp shrugs, careful not to answer. They both know who Dragon’s asking about though.

“I think– If I had a son, or a daughter… I think, I’d have done what you and mum did… I’d never be able to raise them, especially not after today.”

It’s a quiet admission, some of Garp wonders if he’s going to be stuck with another kid today. The thought irks him, his stupid shit better not have knocked his lovely girlfriend up just before becoming a wanted man!

“Ouch! What the hell old man!”

Garp glared.

“If you tell me I’ve had secret grandchild and you’re dumping ‘em with me, I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you ten times! Who do you think you are, you’re only seventeen! Moreover who are you calling old m-”

His growls are thrown off by a hearty laugh.

“Whatever, I’m just saying for future reference.”

Quieting the two just look at each other.

Then, because Garp’s a sentimental old fool, he blabs loudly and it might not be the case, but if he could save a life he would. Especially if it’s his grandsons.

“They’re beginning a cull in a few weeks,” his voice is dark, while Dragon tenses, “, anyone due to have a child in the next eleven months are suspected, even more so if they have no husband. The cull, it starts first in the South, because Roger was there the longest. Then West, I’m trying to convince them that East is fine…. It’s not working out too well, some of the upper echelon are arguing that his home is the only place where he’d hide his own child. They’ve met some resistance with the North though, the Vinsmoke’s caught wind and aren’t too thrilled, Judge and Sora were due to marry soon. Not like they have much choice, but the underworlds certainly been safer than it is right now.

“It’s– Few people know about it, they don’t want the government pinned for the mass genocide of an entire generation but that’s what it is. Sengoku’s tried to reason with Kong, he got a three month suspension posing as vacation. Tsuru’s gone off on an actual vacation, I don’t know why but I think she’s trying to stop this from the outside. Or prevent a whole fucking genocide….They’re even having the balls to call it a necessary evil–– There’s no way I can stop this, if they think for a second the baby might be Roger’s, they’ll stop at nothing. I’ve tried to reason but, they’re being fools.”

Disgust taints his voice. It’s classified info, but Garp’s always bent and snapped the rules to his pleasing.

If Dragon happened to be able to save some children, then there’s no way it could be traced to Garp anyway.

Only three marines in the world knew of his son. They had never met him, never seen photos of him, only knew his name and how he described him, an energetic tyke named Monkey. D Dragon, who regularly bought his father birthday presents. Who was strong but stupid and had no connection to whatever other Dragon his soon to be disowned son would become. They didn’t even know his age and Garp’s thankful that his big fat mouth didn’t disclose any vital information about his son.

Thankful he had seventeen years with this stupid little shit, because heavens know his parents had less time with him before he up and left.

“I love you,” he whispers solemnly.

Most people would think he’d blubber, but when he gave up on changing people, it was a cold thing. Frosting his bones into silence.

There was no changing Dragon. He was a D. Moreover, he was a Monkey D. They never really changed, just grew.

“I love you too,” he gets up back turned and Garp hears the words before they even leave his mouth.

They finish the sentence in unison, “But sometimes love isn’t enough…”

Grinning, Garp heaves a sigh and clenches his fist. Monkey D’s didn’t say I love you, it was usually an action for them. A punch to remind them to come home. A push, to let you know there’s nothing wrong with moving forward or looking back. After this, there’d be no home to come back to and no punch to remind the other of what he had to live for, only words and memories.

“Would there ever had been a chance of you staying?… If I had stayed?”

Gosh he sounds like a sap, but the regret lingers and it’s not just his son he’s asking. It’s his wife. His friends and his brother, his father. People that never could understand a D, for all they loved them. Everyone he’s had to give up to keep being Garp The Hero.

“Probably...But I would’ve hated it, just like you. I’d have stayed and hated and grown bitter, because I’d felt caged.”

But you would have stayed, the selfish, selfish parts of him screams.

He lets Dragon disappear then, a show of shave that Garp hardly remembers teaching and with his son gone, Garp cries into his large calloused fingers. His too big heart was hurt so much today, it needed a few minutes for the hurt to heal. But Dragon leaving had reminded him he needed to go as well, before Sengoku caught him and forced him into postponing his visit to Rogue for too long. Garp pushes his heartache to the side, wipes his tears and searches for the most discreet dingy he could find.

He’d lost his wife and failed his son, he wouldn’t let another wife and son be failed because of him.

(And maybe in another world Garp would have sensed his son’s haki, but the pain of finally letting his wife go would be too much and he’d never get the closure of saying goodbye to his little shit. In another world Sengoku would find him and trap him into active duty. This is a world where Garp hides his heart behind his uniform and his promises would be kept, but tucked behind due date after due date, and when he finds Rogue it would be too late. But that tale, is one that’s already been told.)

And then:

Rogue lives, Ace is marginally happier growing up and I honestly don’t know where it was gonna go after that. I’m pretty sure I had plans of Ace meeting Koala and Sanji early on, maybe even Robin bc I feel like Rogue would 100% hunt down this child wanted by the world, bc fuck that was nearly her son but like. Idk how it was gonna go, just that somehow canon Strawhats and canon 2nd division commander Ace we’re still going to be relevant aspects of the story.

[delulusuga]

THE LEGEND OF HOW I GOT RID OF A CREEP AT AN INTERNSHIP

Hello, my dudes... this is an urban legend of how I, a 15 year old, who recently attended an internship at a hospital... met a creep (and a pedo?), and how I saved myself from the situation. (THIS IS NOT A HIGHLY RECOMMENDED WAY TO GO ABOUT IT... if you’re stuck in a situation like this, you should probably escape and get the hell out of there as soon as you can) Anyway, so... at my internship, I met this really friendly doctor who’s like 44 years old... she has an amazing fashion taste and a pretty good sense of humor and stuff... now, she is pretty social and has like a lot of friends who are also her patients and stuff .. Now, one fine day this 22 year old man walks in, who also happens to be a pretty good friend of this doctor, and tells her about a wound that he got on his toe because he fell down the stairs. When he walked in, the doctor introduced me to him, by the way, by saying “she’s a student..” or something (just so patients are not creeped tf out by a random stranger watching them succumb into diseases and death lol) ... and so he kinda happens to include me in the conversation and it’s all cool and not awkward (as not-awkward as it can get for an asocial hooman like me) ... and she walks out of the room at one point to get a sick leave (cuz he has a wound in his leg) and he asks me about the internship and school and stuff and like we kinda joke and we have a similar sense of humor and it’s KIND OF weird cuz he’s so friendly but I just take it as extroverts and their weird social behaviors lmao and I’m like okay.. whatever. He leaves and then that’s it for the day. However, he COMES BACK the next day (he has to - to redress his wound) and this time, we’re left alone for a longer time in the room and we joke more cuz like idk I’m funny?? Apparently?? Or maybe not....... Anyway, so like we’re in the middle of a conversation when the doc comes in with the sick leave paper and she’s like “I have a patient waiting” and she kinda rushes us BOTH OUT AND ASKS US TO WAIT FOR HER cuz apparently she wants to talk to him about her watch that she needs to get fixed or something (he works at like an electronic repair shop or something) ... and now this is where it’s WEIRD weird because why did she just send me out as well??? Like I’m SUPPOSED to be with her????? But everything happened in a rush so I couldn’t really say ‘no’ ... Anyway, so it just so happens that he hasn’t had his lunch and so there this cafe kind of thing right next to the hospital and he takes me there (I REALLY WANNA KILL MYSELF BY NOW) and like I have to go soon cuz like we were still conversing about something and idk it just happened in such a haze I don’t even remember how we ended up there and HE KEPT ME THERE FOR LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF straight, no joke. And I wanted to shoot myself in the head because WHY TF WAS I BEING NICE AND NOT ASKING HIM TO FUCK OFF???? I mean, he told me about like him getting bullied or whatever in school but like SO WAS I????? AND HE IS 22??? HE FAILED 12TH GRADE??? IM SURE HE COUKD HANDLE A 15 YEAR OLD ASKING HIM TO FUCK OFF??? Anyway so that happened and I finally made an excuse to like go back. Now, we obviously had to talk during this one and a half hour like we couldn’t just stare at each other’s faces, could we? So like that happens and at one point I mention wanting to download Netflix on my laptop or something and he goes “NO THAT’S SO GAY!” And I’m like ????? That’s not funny???? And like I’m pretty defensive about it and stuff and I bring it up twice in the conversation telling him that that isn’t appropriate or like acceptable and he goes like “Are you...” and he doesn’t complete the sentence ( of course he doesn’t) and I say “I support them...let anyone love anybody..” and stuff because I don’t wanna open up to HIM about like my sexuality or whatever right... Also, he asks me my number as well but I refuse and give him my Instagram instead... Oh and, he gives me his Netflix username and password... and he says stupid things that’s like indirectly dropping hints and I’m like NO PLS THIS IS VV UNCOMFORTABLE. Anyway so after I escape from that situation, I have to deal with him on text when I get back home right... And by now I’m pretty stressed about this because I still have to see him FOR 3 MORE DAYS CUZ HE HAS TO COME FOR REDRESSING HIS WOUND and stuff so like fml... and like I start kinda getting anxiety when he says “2019 has already started on such a good note, I hope the rest of the year goes like this” on text and I LIKE PANIC AND TELL ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WHO IS NOT EVEN IN THE SAME COUNTRY AS ME... And now she gets really concerned about my safety and so she asks me to tell the doctor the next day when I go back to the internship (which I was obviously going to do anyway) and then she asks me for his Instagram ID ... and I give it to her. These are the events that follow: 1) She changes her username and her profile picture.. goes fully undercover. She changes her name, even. 2) She TEXTS him saying “hey” and now, we wait. (She sends me screenshots of the chat) 3) He replies a few minutes later with “Hello” 4) She says that I told her about my internship and she heard about him through me. 5) and he is like “ah okay...” 6) and now I ask her to say “YOURE 22????!!!!!!” Lmao , which she does... just to get the message across #nomercy 7) and then she says , “I’m her girlfriend, by the way” And this is very very believable as well because remember how I was so defensive about the gay thing and I brought I up twice and he was like ???? So... yes.... they had a passive-aggressive conversation which at one point just got kinda disgusting because he went like “I don’t get why you texted me... are you jealous?” LIKE FIRST OF ALL, WHAT THE FUCK. SECONDLY, WHAT THE FUCK. And she is obviously like “ why do I have to be jealous of you?” And stuff and there are various instances where she rubs it in that HE IS FUCKING 22... she also indirectly calls him a pedo at one point ( I was behind the scenes, controlling the conversation as well) And then he texts me saying “are you bi? Because apparently your alleged gf is chatting with me right now” and like I did with his previous messages, I ignore this one as well... however, I realize that if I ignored this particular one, when I see him the next day, I will have to answer or at least, hear him SPEAK to me ... if I just confirmed it, he wouldn’t talk to me (hopefully) ... and so I said “yes... I have a girlfriend” and THEN LOGGED TF OUT JUST IN CASE HE WAS ONLINE LOL Then, skip to next day... I manage to escape to another doctor’s cabin like 5 minutes before he comes in... so I don’t have to see him. Now, on that day I even told the doctor about it ( I told her about what my friend and I ended up doing as well ... she was laughing her ass off cuz SAME) and she was like “it’s partly my fault” and stuff and she was nice about it and was like I’m not going to leave you guys alone, don’t worry .. and stuff... and like when we he came to visit her ( I wasn’t there) ... he went like “did you know she is bi?????” Doc (who obviously knows what actually happened... but is also very cool about gays and stuff .. very open-minded) - “So what?” creep - “SHE IS BI!!!!!!” Doc - “so what??? Why you even mentioning it?? How does that make a difference?” Creep- *falls silent and is embarrassed* Doc - “it’s not like she likes me, does she?” (This is why I love her) And yeah so I was saved on that day... However, the next day... and the last day I have to see his face, he doesn’t come in, and we do meet ... but only for like 5 minutes and again, we’re not left alone this time... and yeah ... Now I just ignore his texts straight up and he asked my friend at one point (who also ignored his texts after that one conversation) - “ hey can I take your word for it? Like are you actually her gf?” AND MAN THAT IS SO FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE JESUS She replies with “yes” and I ask her to block him.. which she does He then says “hey why are you acting so distant?” to me on text LIKE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY YOU IDIOT... So yeah, that’s it... that’s how I got rid of a creepy desperate idiot... All I’m saying is, there were a lot of instances I could’ve bailed out in this situation, but I decided to be nice/not make a big deal out of it which I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE. If something seems weird to you, then it IS WEIRD. Do not try to justify the opposite person and put your life in danger. Another important thing is that it’s hard to say no to people like him cuz he is good natured and also, he is much older than I am... that means he is also capable of a lot of things... specifically because we were pretty much alone at that point... so it’s not the same as an asshole in your grade who you can ask to fuck off, for instance... just make sure you’re safe... make sure you are AWARE of what you’re getting yourself into... you don’t have to go out of your way to please someone or to be nice if they make you uncomfortable. You’re not obligated to do that. Your only obligation is towards yourself - save yourself before you fend for someone else.

[mimurus]

kreulsilvermane replied to your post: It’s funny how my unsocial nature is a problem to...

That’s actually pretty great. I mean, granted yes I am social. But I know the feeling of people telling you how you should and shouldn’t be. I’m glad you are able to just shove aside what others say.

Yeah I’m trying to make people understand but it seems hopeless. Social people just don’t seem to understand a person like me who socializes rarely and actually enjoys being alone 24/7.

My mom gave me a different point of view on this situation. She said that maybe people get upset of my asocial nature because I’m such an awesome person to be around, that those who know how I am want to share me with others, like, “THIS is the awesome person I was talking about!”. She said I’m just like my father - we are both very good with people and talk to anyone with ease. People WANT us around because of that, and people WANT our company. When they won’t get it, it upsets them. 

That was definitely a new way to look at the thing. Because she also reminded me of one summer when I listened to my dad’s brother for 4 hours. He literally spoke with me for 4 hours and was amazed how wise and amazing I was. He said I would become an amazing psychiatrist in the future. I also remember once talking with a foreign guy, and few weeks later he thanked me and said “if I wasn’t able to talk to you I would’ve already committed suicide”, and continued to say thank you for literally saving his life.

But there’s the problem of me always thinking I’m not wanted around anyone. 

One summer my brother invited me to his Bday party. I remember how he introduced me to his friends and all the time was like “this is my sister” and was smiling and happy and seemed to be very happy that I came to that party. Still...I felt like I shouldn’t be there. So after few hours I went inside to my own room to draw and sat there, door closed, for the rest of the evening. People even came asking if I wanted to join this or that, but I politely refused. 

Even when people ask my manthing “where’s your girlfriend?” “I wish I could see her more often” “next time you visit me try to take her with you”, or just ask if they could see me because they miss me, I ALWAYS think “no they don’t, they don’t really mean it”. I always feel like a third wheel and feel like people want my company just to be polite. Y’know? Like they don’t actually want my company but pretend to want just to be polite. (even tho my man and my friends keep telling me that’s not the case)

[fanfic-scribbles]

Dinner Date Chapter 29

Masterlist

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers has a girlfriend. A prickly, generally asocial girlfriend, but they make it work. They have more in common than some people might think.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 29: Cold and Dark

Chapter Summary: Winter is stupid.

Chapter Word Count: 2166

~

Work was stupid. People were stupid. Wind was stupid. Snow was stupid. The sun going down before dinner was stupid.

Everything was stupid.

I looked around my cold apartment, lit only by the front light I bothered to turn on, and went over my priorities for the rest of the night. Those being: dinner, and bed. Dinner was also stupid. I could go out and get food. I could order food. I could try and scavenge through what I had. But I thought of how much work it was just to figure out dinner, and how tired I was, and decided, fuck it, fuck dinner, I was going to bed. Never mind it wasn’t even seven yet. I was an adult and it was Friday so who cared if I fucked up my sleep schedule a little. Steve was off at some super-secret training thing, (“It’s basically a work seminar, I don’t know why Fury has to be so dramatic about everything,” Steve had opined a week ago, with nary a glimmer of self-recognition), so I had no reason to stay up, and if I slept then I wouldn’t be hungry, and saving myself a few calories was probably a good thing, right?

My stomach grumbled but I ignored it and trudged to my room. Also, if I went to bed I could just curl up under the covers and save some money on heating, which was also good. Saving money, saving calories, saving energy. Good fucking job.

I briefly considered warming up first with a shower and washing away the week, but it too ended up seeming like way more work than I wanted. Instead, I dressed for bed and slid under cold sheets to distract me from getting even more negative and grouchy than I already was. When I did eventually warm up I didn’t really sleep, but I did get to doze a little. Enough that I had a dream of Steve coming home, walking into my apartment like he belonged there (which made me smile), kneeling next to my bed, putting his cold hand on my face–

I blinked open my eyes, because that felt– real. Wait. This was real. “Steve?” I asked and took his hand in both of mine to try and warm it up. I tried to lift my head but I felt groggy still, so I let it fall back on the pillow as I woke up fully. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d surprise you,” he said and flicked on the bedside lamp so I could better see his worried frown. Or maybe so he could better see me, though he was definitely getting the bad end of that deal. “Are you sick?”

“No.” I sighed, and then immediately broke into a yawn. “It’s just…cold. And I’m gross. And kind of miserable.” I considered moving. “Give me a second and I’ll get up.”

“You don’t have to,” he said and kissed my cheek.

“Are you gonna crawl in too?” I asked hopefully. I was not up for anything resembling physical activity, but I was totally down to cling to Steve like a limpet and suck up all his heat.

“In a minute. I’m going to take care of a few things first,” he said and stood. “Did you have dinner yet?”

“It’s too much work,” I said and curled up again. “I’m fine without it.”

He stayed there for a moment. “You aren’t going to eat at all?”

“It’s one meal. It won’t kill me,” I said. My stomach grumbled and I pinched it. Traitor.

He hesitated longer but before I could reassure him that I was fine, I was fully stacked for the winter (as if he could forget), he said, “Okay. I’ll be right back,” and left.

While he was out in the living room doing who-knew-what, I flipped on the other bedside lamp and scooted over to try and warm his spot a little bit so he wouldn’t have the shock of discomfort that was cold sheets. Because I was the best girlfriend ever.

Steve came back in just his pants and tank top, carrying a couple of drinks and a…tray? A tray that was covered with the miscellaneous snacks I’d had floating around in my cupboard and fridge, apparently. Steve set it down next to me as he slipped off his jeans to change into his sweats, and I lifted the paper towels to see what he had used for this impromptu snack party. “Oh shit; I was wondering where my baking sheet went,” I said and picked up the tray to hold it steady as he slipped under the covers. “I can make cookies again.”

That felt like a stupid thing to say, considering I couldn’t even do the minimal work of ordering a dinner for someone else to cook, but Steve smiled at me and I forgot to be mad at myself. “I’m glad you came to see me,” I said and leaned over to give and receive a kiss. “I’m sorry it’s not a nice homecoming.”

“I think it’s great. I ordered some food for us, but right now, sitting in bed with snacks sounds like the best thing in the world,” he said, took the tray onto his lap, and handed me one of the bottles he’d carried in. He gave me his best pleading eyes and added, “Will you share with me?”

I held my stomach tighter. Mostly-unbroken chips, a fancy trail mix I’d bought on a whim, some budget cookies I was too cheap to throw out– he’d even pulled together some crackers, torn up some leftover lunchmeat, and added some cheese for a poor man’s charcuterie. “I’m sorry you had to do all this work when you just got home,” I said as I took one of the cookies.

“I’m the one mooching off your apartment and food,” he said, snagging a couple pieces of cheese.

“I’m glad you are though. I’m always happy to have you here.” I pressed my forehead to his shoulder. “But you put the snacks together, ordered dinner…” And all I had done was crawl into bed.

“I had a good idea for dinner. You know I don’t mind,” he said, briefly pressing his head to mine as he took a cracker and stacked it with some meat and cheese. “I know dinner is a lot to think of sometimes, but you still need to eat.”

“Eh.”

“Hey.” He gently bonked his head to mine, almost making me drop the cracker and cheese I had just grabbed. “No skipping meals.”

“I didn’t want to,” I said. “But it’s not like it’d kill me. I’m not doing a whole lot that needs the calories.”

“Existing requires calories,” Steve said, like he was sharing an implacable truth.

Well…he kinda was. “Existing is stupid,” I said as a I munched and snuggled into him. After a moment, though, I reconsidered my words, and quickly swallowed my bite. “That came out sounding worse than I actually meant it.”

“Yeah, I got the meaning by your grumbling,” he chuckled and kissed my head. “Winter’s really getting to you, huh?”

“It’s stupid. And cold. And dark. And stupid.” I sighed as he rubbed my back. “And I’m going to miss it when summer is hot and bright and stupid. Seasons are terrible.”

“They’ve got their downsides,” Steve said. “But right now, winter is for warm blankets, and eating food. So we’ve got the right idea.”

“If you say so.” I kept sliding down though, until I was laying only slightly propped, and able to semi-burrow into his side. He slipped me another cracker, and I ate it. “I do like this,” I admitted and pushed my head closer into him. Laying down, resting my eyes and snacking with Steve felt…cozy. “How was your super-secret seminar?”

He sighed so dramatically, and then, without any further prompting, proceeded to tell me as much as he could, considering that the super-secret seminar was actually a super-secret mission, (“oops,” as Natasha had said), and he ended up being a decoy so Natasha and ‘someone else’ could do the real work–

He only stopped complaining to go get the food when it arrived, and though I would have been content to just eat crackers and listen to him bitch, I managed to pull myself up and eagerly take my container when he handed it to me. The tray was nearly empty at that point so it was easy enough for him to brush the crumbs aside so he could use it as a makeshift lap table for his multiple containers, and then he was right back to telling me how bad it was to have to mingle with rich people who were maybe doing something evil, how boring it all was (the number one sin when it came to Steve Rogers, if you listened close enough), and how at one point he’d dared Clint to attempt a trick shot off a fire alarm with a rubber band and a tartlet, but they’d gotten caught and yelled at about it.

“How was the food?” I asked, even as I shut the lid on my empty container.

“It was fine,” he said and flashed a smile at me. “Nothing like here.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I bet socialites have nothing on my store-brand crackers and cheese squares.”

“Well, they certainly don’t have anything on the company,” he said and pulled me in with one arm for a brief hug. Then he stuck the trash from dinner in the plastic delivery bag and picked up the tray. “I’ll be right back,” he promised and left.

I should have felt bad for making him clean up, but in actuality I felt better, even if truly tired for real now, and I dusted and picked up any stray crumbs before he returned. I lifted the blanket for him to get in, and finally, finally, I was able to attach myself to him like a strong current was threatening to wash me away.

“I’m glad you came home safe,” I said. However, one thing poked at the back of my brain still. A question I was too afraid to ask because of the potential for embarrassment. And yet, it would not leave, so I sighed, hid my face in the space between him and the pillow, and asked, “Did I leave the door unlocked again?”

He froze. “…No.”

I perked up, because my embarrassment potential was officially gone. “Did you break in?” I didn’t know whether I should laugh or be mad. I was…definitely leaning more towards the first, in all honesty.

He turned pink. Deep pink. “Natasha’s been teaching me a few tricks,” he mumbled. “I tried it on my place first. I swear I didn’t break anything.” He shrugged one shoulder and added, with a little half-smile, “Well…not literally, in any case.”

I stared at him a little longer, still torn between offense and hilarity. Then I reached back, snagged my phone, and opened up my texts with Natasha.

Me: YOU ARE A BAD INFLUENCE

I expected the next message to ask me for clarification, if only because ‘which thing’ would be very Natasha. However, clairvoyancy was also, somehow, very Natasha.

Natasha: I’m putting ‘corrupting Captain America’ onto my résumé Natasha: Not because I can sell it, but because I find it funny

Well. She had a point. And I, actually, had a way to circumvent that issue.

Me: Well from now on he can only use that party trick on people who aren’t me Natasha: Spoilsport

I sent back a bunch of kissy-face emojis and hopped out of bed before Steve could ask about our conversation. He did protest for a moment but I went to my key dish, grabbed the spare, and zoomed right back into bed.

“Here,” I said and gave him the key, quashing down the butterflies in my stomach. “I probably should have given you this a while ago. Also don’t lose it because if I lose mine I’ll need it back.”

“You make this so romantic,” he chuckled, but he gripped the key firmly in his hand.

I rolled my eyes, but I leaned over him, supporting myself partially with a hand on his chest, and kissed him gently; then I brushed my nose across his, once, and then again for good measure. “You’re always welcome here,” I said. I watched him turn soft and asked, “How was that?”

“Pretty damn good,” he said, set the key aside, and flicked off the last remaining light before he pulled me in closer. I snuggled in to rest my head against his chest, (maybe my actual favorite pillow), and let out a sigh as my body relaxed without me even having to try.

“Maybe winter isn’t as stupid as I thought,” I admitted as the dark settled around us.

“Only a little stupid?” Steve said.

“Only a little stupid,” I agreed, and fell asleep where the cold no longer touched me.

~

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

[fanfic-scribbles]

Avengers/Captain America Masterlist

Series

On the Run [Complete] “On the Run [Masterlist]” – Adventure/Romance – James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Summary: Your life is fairly normal, up until Captain America shows up on your doorstep asking for help for something nobody should know about. Some things you do know are:

1) James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes is an asshole, 2) This is all his fault, and 3) You’re going to punch him in the face.

If you survive.

Full Course [series]

1. Lunch Buddy [Complete]

“Lunch Buddy [Masterlist]” – Friendship [/Eventual Romance] – Steve Rogers & Reader [leading to Steve Rogers/Reader] – Female Reader 

Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

2. Dinner Date [Ongoing]

“Dinner Date [Masterlist]” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Summary: Steve Rogers has a girlfriend– a prickly, generally asocial girlfriend, but they make it work. They have more in common than some people might think.

2. Digestifs [Ongoing]

“Digestifs” (link to AO3) – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Summary: Steve Rogers and his girlfriend may not always know what they're doing, but they're willing to work it out. Together.

It's just more fun that way.

(Aka: where I'm going to put all the explicit scenes for my story "Dinner Date", hence why it is on AO3 and not Tumblr.)

Excerpts:

Chapter One: First Taste

Chapter Two: M’Sir

Marry Me [in progress]

1. Marry Me – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader; Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes; Bucky Barnes and Reader friendship– Female Reader

Summary: You love your fiancé, but you don’t necessarily love the danger that follows him. Well…one part of it is all right, you suppose. One person specifically.

Building Bridges, Trying Not To Drown [Complete] [** Trigger warnings at the top of each part. Please be mindful and take care of yourself **] “Building Bridges, Trying Not To Drown: Foundation” – Friendship – Steve Rogers & Reader – Angst; hope – Words: 5465

Summary: Two sad people, trying their best in different ways.

“Building Bridges, Trying Not To Drown: Frame” – Friendship – Steve Rogers & Reader; Bucky Barnes & Reader; [minor Steve/Bucky] – Angst; hope – Words: 6231

Summary: Learning how to ask for help is hard. For everyone involved.

    One-Shots

[Stories in this listing are sorted by character (alphabetically) and then, within each character section, chronologically. Reader-inserts are at the top and anything not involving a reader character is in its own section at the bottom. A slash [/] means romance; an ampersand [&] means friendship.]

  Bucky Barnes/Reader

“Ways To Say You Care” – Romance; Fluff – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 3106

Summary: Bucky’s been out of the dating game for a while, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his eye on someone. Courting someone is a bit different these days, but people still like ‘secret admirers’ right? He hopes you do.

“Decorative” – Romance; Christmas fic – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 1466

Summary: Bucky has a confession to make, and a deadline with which to do it. He gets beaten to the punch, but he’s not upset about it.

“Life of the Party” – Romance; Soulmate fic – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 1510

Summary: Hiding from the latest threat to New York isn’t exactly how you wanted to meet your soulmate, but it will be a funny story to tell later. Much later.

Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov/Reader “Put A Ring On It” – Romance – (established) Natasha Romanov/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 797

Summary: You find out the hard way that, even while wearing bells, two master assassins are too much for you.

Natasha Romanov/Reader

“Sweet As” – Romance; Christmas fic – Natasha Romanov/fem!Reader – Words: 2218

Summary: Natasha didn’t know she would like soft things but SHIELD surprises her in a number of ways– this time, with you.

  Sam Wilson/Reader

“Evaluation” – Romance – (established) Sam Wilson/Reader – Words: 7053

Summary: Dating Sam Wilson is amazing. But one fact remains: if you wannabe his lover, you gotta get with his friends. His friends being a resurrected national icon, a formerly brainwashed super soldier, and a bombshell master spy. This’ll be…easy.And if it isn’t, you hope they make it quick.

“Trade Up” – Romance – Sam Wilson/Reader – Words: 1667

Summary: You always thought meeting your soulmate would be a humdrum affair, but he does what he does best and saves you.

Steve Rogers/Reader [or] Steve Rogers & Reader “More Than the Sum of Our Parts” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Fluff – Female [Overweight] Reader – Words: 1969

Summary: You trust Steve with your life, but not your body. Maybe it’s time for that to change.

“Down, Down, Down” – Friendship  – Steve Rogers & Reader – Angst; Hope – Female Reader – Words: 2759

Summary: On a rough night, you meet a man named Steve Rogers who just wants to help, maybe as much for himself as for you. But certain things can’t always be helped. And sometimes that’s okay.

  “Small Steps” – Romance – [established] Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 7567 

Summary: Everything is going great– you’re doing all right in life and your boyfriend, one Steve Rogers, is always a bright and shining light regardless. However on one otherwise wonderful date Steve starts acting squirrely, then disappears on you for a week. It’s worrisome but nothing you haven’t handled before.

Except then you get to find out firsthand just how unstable the Tesseract can be when a supposedly long-dead enemy of Steve’s walks into your life in a most unwelcome way. Apparently growing as a couple means you inherit some of Steve’s shitty luck.

Oh joy.

“Stockings” – Romance – [established] Steve Rogers/Reader –  Christmas fic; fluff – Words: 587

Summary: Steve has been away for a while, and you need attention. Spoiler: you know how to get it.

“Gifts” – Romance – [established] Steve Rogers/Reader –  Christmas fic; fluff – Words: 977

Summary: You and Steve have had a couple of Christmases together that were both ‘first’ in their own right. Now that it’s your third one, you expect a routine to form. Steve has a way of upending your expectations.

“Dragon Princess” – Romance; fluff – Steve Rogers/female!disabled!Reader – Words: 2903

Summary: You don’t let anybody in easily. Steve doesn’t mind a challenge. Hopefully he also doesn’t mind getting his armor singed in the process.

“Hand In Hand” – Romance; fluff – [established] Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 1719

Summary: You find that Steve has a habit of holding your hand at every opportunity. Naturally, you can’t help but try to see how far he’ll go to keep that habit.

“Safe As Houses” – Romance; fluff – Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 4640 

Summary: You provide a safe haven for Steve when he needs it most– in more than one way.

“Inebriated” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 1148

Summary: Steve helps your drunk ass home, because he’s a gentleman and you’re a dope. It’s a match made in heaven. No– really.

“What Makes You” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 508

Summary: Generally, you know what you’re getting when you’re alone with Steve. This time, he moves the goalpost.

“Hot Cold” – Friendship – Steve Rogers & Reader – Words: 566

Summary: You try to get away. Steve provides a surprising –but necessary– buffer against the cold.

“Dark Nights” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 1314

Summary: Sharing someone’s company doesn’t mean the same thing at all times. You learn to compromise in the face of a pandemic, and look forward.

Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader [or] Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes & Reader

“By the Light of Day” – Romance – Steve/Bucky/Reader – Fluff; Hurt/comfort – Female-pronoun-ed Reader – Words: 1882

Summary: Bucky has a nightmare. You and Steve reassure him that you’re always here for him, and he won’t lose either of you.

  “Good Samaritan” – Friendship – Bucky/Steve & Reader – Fluff – Words: 4233

Summary: While in line one day at your favorite coffee shop, you notice the guy in front of you looks a little down, so you (anonymously) buy him a little treat. Who knew it would annoy him so much? …And who knew you would find that so amusing?

“Push” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 1961

Summary: Having a crush on Steve and Bucky seemed fine when it was one or the other. Having a serious crush on both of them seemed like an insurmountable problem. However they are two of the most stubborn men in history, and you just need a good push in the right direction. 

“Riding A Heat Wave” – Romance – (established) Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Fluff – Words: 1422

Summary: It’s too hot. Bucky and Steve try to…help? Yes, that’s what they call it. “Helping.” You’re not convinced, but you’re willing to let them try. 

“Convalescence” – Romance – (established) Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Fluff – Words: 985

Summary: You’re sick. Steve and Bucky make for two very different types of caretakers.

“One More” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 8877

Summary: Steve and Bucky have been happily together for a very long time. However they both have been pining after you practically since they met you…and have yet to make a move. It’s getting frustrating. So they decide– why not make a little bet, just between them, to kick their asses in gear? All either one has to do is be the first to tell you just what you mean to both of them. They’ve fought a war; they stare down evil on a regular basis and run into danger as members of the Avengers. A tiny bit of rejection? Hardly a contest. This should be easy. Should be. Should.

Spoiler: it isn’t.

“Icy Imitation” – Romance; Fluff – (established) Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 876

Summary: You, Bucky, and Steve have a snow day.

“Let’s Be Alone Together” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 9940

Summary: You get two new neighbors and the three of you become something more.

“Barking Up The Right Tree” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 1224

Summary: You can meet your soulmates in a variety of ways. Apparently, your dog is instrumental to this one.

“Broken Pieces” – Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader to Bucky Barnes/Reader/Steve Rogers – Words: 10,603

Summary: Being broken once doesn’t mean you stay broken forever. Sometimes you just need to find another way to fix yourself.

“Monster in the Bed” – Romance; Fluff – [established] Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 1299

Summary: What do you do when you have a creature in your bed that just won’t get out? You’re asking for a friend. 

“Heroic Gestures” – Romance; Peril/Comfort – [established] Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes/Reader – Words: 2259

Summary: Bucky saves you, you save Bucky. In different ways, but still– it’s all in a day’s work for a couple of heroes.

“Fir” – Romance; Fluff; Christmas – [established] Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 1983

Summary: A trip to a tree lot results in a much bigger relationship milestone. Also, Bucky and Steve are idiots. It works out pretty well for everyone involved.

“Gremlins” – Romance; Fluff – [established] Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers/Reader – Words: 2291

Summary: Bucky’s shirts keep going missing. It isn’t a problem, per se. It’s just annoying.

    Not!Reader-Inserts

“Model Behavior” – Romance – Cap!Steve Rogers/modern!Bucky Barnes [aka Shrunkyclunks] – Fluff – Words: 3662

Summary: Steve collides with the most attractive man he’s ever seen, but loses him just as fast. Steve thinks he’ll never see him again but, luckily, the other man makes a living by his good looks.

  “Princess America” – Romance; Fluff – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes – Words: 698

Summary: Steve doesn’t embarrass easily. Also, he would never dare act below his station when Princess Hannah has been so gracious to invite him to a ‘Princess-Only Tea Party.’ [1/5 for the Happy Steve Bingo; “Caught In A Tea Party Wearing A Tiara”]

  “Try, Try Again” – Romance; Fluff – Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes – Words: 2907

Summary: Steve tried to move on in the new age, but nothing felt quite right. Luckily, a little piece of home came back to him. [2/5 for the Happy Steve Bingo; “First Kiss”]

  “Deciduous” – Romance; Fluff – Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanoff/Sharon Carter – Words: 888

Summary: Steve Rogers is well-versed in coming back. Thankfully, he’s not the only one, and they won’t let him forget it. [3/5 for the Happy Steve Bingo; “Deciduous/Falling Leaves”]

  “Keeping with the Times” – [Mostly] Friendship – very brief Steve/Bucky mention – Words: 400

Summary: Tony tries to relate to Steve with his past, but Steve has had a lot more time to catch up than Stark realizes. [4/5 for the Happy Steve Bingo; “Old-Fashioned Lingo”]

  “(Surprise) Hugs” – Romance – Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson/Natasha Romanoff/James “Bucky” Barnes – Words: 1383

Summary: Steve doesn’t know why all of his partners are suddenly hugging him at random intervals, but he’s certainly not going to complain about it. [5/5 for the Happy Steve Bingo; for the free space I picked “Hugs”]