#jokes on him not only he ended up actually studying gargoyles now he has a malleus shapped shadow

[conspirartist]

Heya folks it's me again with yet another twst boy, using @primrozii 's lovely template (that I kinda of messed up, sorry). Everyone meet Kaeith Mihr, a former RSA student who's finishing his education at NRC (he was expelled after a long string of mischief and was 'graciously' accepted into Night Raven by Crowley).

Kaeith is not the strongest mage around, his abilities fall right into the average mark, not that this seems to bother the meerkat beastman - his dexterity and quick thinking more than make up for it.

Besides, he has his trusty boots: 'Hermes' Steps'! The winged shoes were proudly displayed at the RSA campus when a certain freshman decided to take them for a joy ride; the last misdeed on a long list that resulted on Kaeith's ultimate expulsion. The artifact seems to have a mind of it's own however, seeing as all attempts to return it to the school end up with the boots miraculously reapearing by the young prankster's side (which may or may not be the result of a bloodline that goes all the way back to Olympiam roots, seeing as more than once Kaeith seeked out someone of godly descend to leave cryptid messages he swears he doesn't remember giving).

[evanox]

Hello! I saw your stories and I really liked them a lot, so I want to make a kind of request, basically the main 3 from last legacy (you can include rime if you want) with a mc that has gargoyle-like characteristics (like horns, some scales, wings, hard skin, etc) and that they feel insecure about that, I hope it's not a problem.

Have a nice day!

awh i'm glad you enjoyed what i wrote! and sure i can <3 sorry this took a while m.list

Felix

Well if you already felt self-conscious about being compared to Rime, the horns on your head are about to make it worse. I mean, it's not that bad but still... He thinks it might be a cruel joke that the one he ended up summoning not only inherited his dead lover's relic, but also looks like him (to a certain extent)

Then he gets to actually know you, and he no longer associates your features with Rime; if anything, he's very fascinated by you. Sure he's familiar with ilephta, but he's never come across one like you. He's done bird taxidermy once, you know, and he wonders how your human spine accommodates your wings.

I think it's very endearing how he tries to use a special interest of his to show you how amazing you are—he always found beauty in uniqueness—but if the Wonders of Anatomy aren't helping you love your features more, he can try the more tender route: no one words compliments better than he does, you see, for he's quite the cunning linguist—a master debater if you will; and if you like physical affection, he'll press kisses to all the parts of yourself that you dislike. Can he still study your scales?

He'll even wax poetic about how divine your scales or wings are when they glow silver under the moonlight—sweet and tender verses scribbled over his notebook almost absentmindedly, for his mind is too busy wandering all over your lovely features; oh, the lovesick look he'd have on his face! Not that he'll ever show you said verses; he's a little too shy to show off something that personal, but if you do stumble upon these pages and read what he wrote, he won't actually be mad—a little flustered maybe, but very curious about your thoughts.

More than willing to splurge on accessories and things that can be helpful! Hires a tailor to make you pretty clothes that accommodate your horns and wings, and are still easy to wear.

But he'd still look forward to you asking for his help with dressing every now and then; his hands are always very delicate and gentle when handling your wings.

It says that some stories consider gargoyles nocturnal creatures? Well lucky you, Felix is a nocturnal creature himself and is actually glad he can spend time with his partner when he feels more awake, and that he won't be woken up far too early for his liking.

If your MC is actually a human from Earth who gained these features through the portal (like how Celena's bunny ears became real) and it makes them feel uncomfortable, Felix could offer to use a spell to reverse it; he'd have the experience necessary to figure it out after the events of nyacromancy hehe

Anisa

Within the stiff knight lieutenant is a girl who's so hungry for life! She finds beauty in the little things and is so fascinated by everything. Ever since she found out about earth she's always been so open to learning about the new and weird!

Anisa has never seen a winged ilephta; she also did her fair share of earth studies and is quite certain winged and horned people don't exist there... Wait, are the creatures of myth really real on earth? Are you one of them? Do you shed your horns like deer-gazelle ilephta do? Can you use these wings to fly? Can you—

Her hand will fly over her mouth so quickly the moment she realizes she's drowning you in questions, and will ask your forgiveness if she made you uncomfortable.

But if you can fly... Anisa's practically vibrating with excitement. She's trying to think of a way to ask you if you can take her for a ride but she could never find the confidence. Unless you yourself offer, she'll try to find a more roundabout way to ask—oh, MC, I wonder how strong your wings are! Is it possible that you could carry one person while flying? That sure can come in clutch in an emergency, huh? Oh, MC, today's drills sure tired my legs out! It's nothing you have to worry about though! I'm not sure we can still make it to the restaurant today... unless?

Can you imagine the glee on her face when you pull her into your arms bridal-style and take to the air? Her child-like joy is contagious!! Even if you crash into a tree her laughter will still ring throughout the yard and she'll help pick leaves out of your hair and clean up any scratches on your wings.

In fact she really wants to learn how to help you take care of your wings! Your body deserves love and care and it must be difficult to reach back for them! Her hands are warm, firm but gentle, as she rubs soap over your wings during a bath, and she'll reassure you a hundred times that she doesn't find the un-feathered wings gross. In fact she thinks they're pretty cool!

Gets very shy if you're cuddling in bed and you wrap your wings around her in a protective cocoon

Will drop casual compliments every time she gives you a cheek kiss; leaves sweet notes scattered around the apartment before she's off to work (I hope you can somehow find them amongst the mess), and brings back home flowers to decorate your horns with.

Sage

Does "gargoyle-like" include a sudden urge to climb up the highest tower at night to guard over the building? If so, Sage is more than happy to show you the best spots to watch over the entire city of Porrima with all her beautiful twinkling lights; he'll bring drinks or a snack and call it a date if you don't mind ;)

If you end up falling asleep right then there, you'll wake up in the morning to the softness of a fluffy pillow and the warmth of your sheets. How he managed to bridal-carry you despite your wings, or how does he still remember your specific sleep position from the one night you spent together in that one-bed room, you may never know; he'll just brush you off with a flirty line about his strength, but really, it was no big deal.

Are you self-conscious about the size of your wings, MC? All the more reason to find a bigger, more suitable bed ;)

He doesn't understand why but he really likes the texture of your scales; might even gnaw at your arm like a frustrated cat or scratch his nails against the scales when he gets antsy, only if you'll allow him

In fact he's kind of relieved that your skin is harder than most—the extra protection is important with the kind of dangers you might come across. You should love your body for how it takes care of you!

He is kinda curious about whether you have softer spots, though. Is the base of your horns/wings/tail sensitive? He's asking just for science... would you like his help in finding out? ;)

Also hello! Horns can come in pretty handy, if you know what I (or he) mean... Balsam always used them to headbutt assholes; maybe you can too! What, were you thinking of something else, MC? ;)

If you trace your claw against his heart, or scrap your sharp teeth against his neck, he will expire right then and there. He is putty in your hands.

Sage is generally very big on physical affection, especially since words fail him so often. He'll kiss along the arc of your wings all the way to the base so he can trail more kisses over your back. He'll kiss over the scales lining your arms and this man, who always protects his feelings behind 10 walls, will look up at you with such open, un-guarded adoration that you'll see it so clearly in his eyes—you're the most beautiful person in his life, there's no doubt about that.

Rime

In the years he spent in the void, Rime has laid eyes upon countless horrors that are beyond your comprehension, so he doesn't get what you're so insecure about. That is not to say he thinks you're horrifying! Only that you're nothing out of the ordinary, nowhere near as incomprehensible.⁠

What do you mean "that's not helping"?

His view when it comes to appearance is that you're better off not trying to please other people; Lord knows he's done his fair share of that. You can't help what people consider beautiful or ugly, and the sooner you accept that the kinder you'll be to yourself, and you'll have a better chance of loving your body the way it is.

Once you've wormed your way into his heart, he's more than willing to listen to your worries and insecurities, and is more tender when comforting you; might even crack a joke about how you must think his horns are ugly then. Oh, you don't? Then how come yours are? Checkmate.

Oh my God,, can you imagine sharing horn accessories with Rime? He thinks matchy-couples are cringe but not you. You guys are hot and effortless when you do it.

Rime grabbing your horn to tilt your head and make you look him in the eye? I would evaporate.

He shall also impart his wisdom upon you regarding how to sleep and dress with horns, and how to take care of them. You're kind of on your own when it comes to the wings though. Still won't stop him from trying to cuddle.

Unbothered by the scales or any of your sharper features, if anything it'll make your spar sessions more spicy, and like Sage he can also appreciate adaptations that were meant to protect you. Maybe it's an ilephta thing...

Bonus: I don't mean to shamelessly self-promo but,,, if anyone tries to bully your mc for their features, I might have just the hc list for that

[bigskydreaming]

Doing some writing today off and on between errands and work, and jumping around various Kings of the Sky installments, specifically Dick, Jason and Cass stuff, so probably gonna post snippets from a bunch of them as I go. 

(Kings of the Sky is an AU that goes canon divergent from the point of Jason calling Dick for advice for dealing with Bruce after the Garzonas case and where things end up going dramatically different from that point on. Including Jason not dying, being part of his own lineup of Titans between Dick and Tim’s, Dick being adopted not long after the Church of Blood incident, Cass being the third Wayne kid to be taken in and adopted and with Tim and Duke being next and then Damian coming along later once they find out about him. This is basically my ‘the family’s alright’ AU with largely ‘Good Dad Bruce’ except for Dick and then Jason yelling some sense into him about the other, respectively, in the first two installments, just FYI).

Anyway, this bit is from a story called “In Their Shadows Grow Trees Of Good and Evil,” set about a year after Cass has been adopted, when she and Jason are both sixteen and Dick’s twenty-one. Also just FYI, because canon has never been specific about what ways Cass is neurodivergent due to the comic-book style ‘rewiring’ of her brain so that she could learn to speak later in life, I tend to go with her being dyslexic and having aphasia. She sticks exclusively to sign language and being a silent presence in her costumed personas, so that there’s no chance of people connecting the dots between Black Bat and Cassandra Wayne, as she mostly speaks verbally in her civilian persona and doesn’t hide her aphasia. The reason there’s not likely to be any obvious signs of aphasia in the snippets of her I post is because I wait until I complete something to choose words at random to replace with aphasia-born mixups, so its more realistic and I’m not gearing her dialogue towards deliberately placed moments. Just in case you were wondering.

In Their Shadows Grow Trees of Good and Evil

“Hey Todd,” sneered an exquisitely obnoxious voice. “Why’s your sister so fucking weird?”

Jason sighed the sigh of a soul a mere century into its eternity of damnation as he rose from the lunch table he’d been studying at and crammed the rest of his books into his backpack. Then he pasted a cheerfully bland smile on his face and turned around, geared for academia warfare (teenage prep school edition).

“Hey Craig,” he said brightly. “Why’d you come out of the womb so ugly your parents had to tie a piece of steak around your neck just to get the family dog to go near you? Mysteries abound.”

The advancing junior slowed a step, momentarily rocked by his truly impressive return volley. The grimace Craig’s already gargoyle-esque features twisted into made his face even more unpleasant to look at than usual, which was quite the feat. Jason would have applauded if just looking at it hadn’t already turned him to stone.

But the bargain basement basilisk kept on towards him rather than turn tail and skulk off to pop his emotional blisters, so Jason sighed a sequel to his first one. Looked like it was one of those days where Craig felt up to powering through. Guess someone had eaten their self-esteem Wheaties that morning. Joy.

“You think you’re pretty hot shit, don’t you, Todd?”

Jason shrugged. “I mean, to be honest I kinda have a one track mind, so right now I’m mostly just thinking about punching you in your mistake.”

“My what?”

“Your face,” Jason elaborated with exaggerated patience.

“Huh?”

“Oh my god, I’m saying your face is a mistake. See, its not as fun when I have to stop and explain it to you. Ugh, you ruin everything.”

He neatly sidestepped the older boy as R2-Dumbass stayed frozen, smoke coming off of his internal CPU while trying to catch up. For a second Jason thought he was home free, but then he remembered the universe fucking hated him so haha, sucks to suck. Also, a small crowd had gathered to witness the verbal jousting match, and nothing invigorated an asshole like Craig more than an audience of like-minded peers. So there was that too.

“Whatever. Laugh it up all you want, you little shit,” the junior rallied. “But just remember, mocking your betters will never change the fact that you were born street trash and you’ll be street trash until the day you die.”

Honestly? Not his best effort. Jason almost felt bad using any of his good material. Seemed like overkill at this point. But he did have a strict Scorched Earth policy to maintain, so.....

“Yeah but my dad could buy out and ruin your dad so that means I still win, right?”

He smirked as the barb landed and Craig’s face set into a sunset vista of strangled purple and furious red. Bam. Direct hit.

“Listen, you - “

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it was rhetorical,” Jason interrupted. “I don’t actually care what you think even a little bit. Nobody does. You don’t matter. Please go be irrelevant elsewhere, you’re fucking dismissed, you loser.”

“Speak for yourself, charity case.” Oh goodie, Craig’s backup singers had finally arrived. Now if only he could remember to care enough to learn their names in the first place. Seriously, who told the extras they could have lines? “All the jokes in the world can’t change who and what you are.”

Jason shrugged and continued nonchalantly up the hill to where his sister was standing with arms crossed, staring down at something on the other side.

“True genius is never appreciated in its own time,” he tossed back over his shoulder. “I’m sure I’ll be immortalized in song eventually.”

The mob of morons deigned to let him go without further incident. Though he suspected that had less to do with his scathing wit and more to do with him being headed towards Cass. She was immaculately presented as always, wearing the Gotham Academy uniform like she was born to it despite hating its uncomfortable stiffness every bit as much as he did. But that was just Cass for you. 

For all that she still struggled at times to engage verbally or speak up in social settings, her mastery of body language remained without peer. She could chameleon-camouflage her way into matching poise and posture with anyone - a skill that had allowed her to walk into school on her very first day with her head held high as though she owned everything in her sight. Exuding so much Queen Bee Intimidation Factor even the other hive queens were afraid to approach her  themselves. Sending forth their drones to try and woo her into an alliance, only to see her remain oh-so-casually above it all, a slightly contemptuous smile adorning her lips.

Basically, she scared the shit out of their classmates without them having anywhere close to a true understanding of why, and Jason was outrageously jealous. Rude. Unfair. Why did his siblings always get all the cool toys when all he had was his rakish charm, scintillating intellect and debonair.....nah, who was he kidding. He was fucking awesome. 

“Sup, sis,” he said, cresting the hill to stand beside Cass. “Just FYI, I just took a popularity bullet for you, which means you owe me your dessert tonight. Its a family rule that’s totally a real thing and definitely not something I just made up right now because Alf is making chocolate soufflé.”

She made no acknowledgment and remained stock still, a Colossus at Rhodes peering down into the shifting shadows of the parking lot below.

He peered down as well, though with absolutely no idea what they were looking at. Solidarity, yo.

“So are we staring fixedly at anything in particular, or should I just pick my own spot and commit?”

His humor was totally wasted on her as always. Instead of laughing and telling him what a lovable goof he was, she just inclined her head in the direction of a blonde girl where she was standing next to the driver’s side door of a Mercedes-Benz, dictating final commandments to her peons before departing. Well, probably. Jason was just guessing, based on his own body language reads, and like, general disdain for literally everyone at this school that wasn’t related to him.

He made a face. An extra special one reserved just for this classmate in particular. “Ugh, Madison Dunleavy? She’s the worst.”

Cass raised a cool eyebrow. “I thought Craig Hendricks was the worst.”

“He is. They’re both the worst. Its a hotly contested position here at Gotham Academy.”

She rolled her eyes and nodded back down at the Queen of Air and Darkness. “So. You know her?”

“Nope,” Jason said. “Come to think of it, I’ve actually never seen her in my life. No idea who that is. Can’t help you, sorry. Shall we go home?”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition speared him with clear intent. Who the fuck needed words when you could pack the Encyclopedia Britannica into a single facial expression?

Jason sighed gustily. 

“I had a slight altercation with her freshman year that led to her declaring her undying enmity for me until the end of time. The word nemesis may or may not have been thrown around once or twice. I can’t recall.”

The Eyebrow of Inquisition lowered nary an inch. Ugh, she wanted more? Why did everyone in his family hate privacy, with the obvious exclusion of himself when snooping through Cass and Dick’s rooms for blackmail material, which was actually intel-gathering and thus another matter entirely.

“Okay so basically what happened was my first week here I overheard her talking shit about me and not even twenty minutes later she was pretending to kiss my ass in homeroom, like probably because of Bruce, y’know? So I just busted out laughing and told her to fuck off and die and she has inexplicably loathed me ever since.”

Avoiding further Eyebrow Inquisition-ing, he made a show of peering around aimlessly. When the silence extended and it was clear Cass was absolutely not going to break first, Jason waved a hand in dismissal and took to peering oh so casually at his fingernails. "I suppose I was less tactful back in those days.”

He chanced a look up, finally, and saw his sister’s eyebrow had somehow managed to mighty morphin power ranger its way into a configuration evoking both judgment and disbelief, with the latter perhaps aimed at the idea he was significantly differing in the tact department these days either.

“I don’t love the implications your face is making right now,” he told her.

She ignored him, because of course she did. 

“Does she know Dick?” She asked instead. Jason shrugged.

“I mean, maybe? She’s probably seen him around at one of those stupid galas we have to go to, and actually I think maybe she has an older brother who was either in Dick’s grade or like, one above or below it? I don’t know.”

Now both eyebrows were doing the dance of disbelief. Okay, so maybe that was poor situational awareness on his part, since it wasn’t like Gotham Academy was a big school with a ton of other kids and also he’d only been in the same class as Madison for like over two whole years, but whatever. There were extingent circumstances.

“Look, she’s a total snob who’s always looked down on me and in return I willfully ignore both her existence and that of everyone and everything even tangentially related to her. Its called equality, Cass.”

She pursed her lips and went back to the peering, because of course in the mind of Cass it made total sense that the Grand Inquisition didn’t need to be followed up by any explanation on her part, what the hell. Like was he supposed to have inferred it?

“What’s this all about anyway?”

“I heard her talking about Dick earlier,” she said without peeling her eyes away from her personal recon mission. “I don’t know what she said though, I just heard her say Grayson, and then I was busy looking at what her body was saying. I know it was about Dick because she shut down when she saw me. And I didn’t like the way she....looked....before that happened. The way she was talking. It was.....”

Jason frowned but held back any follow-up questions while he waited - with total patience because he wasn’t an absolute cad, thank you very much - for his sister to find the word she was hunting for. It was a major source of frustration for her, that whatever neural map her brain followed put body language and spoken language in totally different regions of her brain, separated by a fairly great divide. Meaning she usually had to make a conscious choice to focus on body language or conventional languages - whether verbal or sign. But it tended to be one or the other; she’d yet to master taking in and comprehending both forms of ‘language’ at the same time. And none of them had quite figured out how to convince her that she wasn’t actually missing anything when she chose to focus on one specific form of communication - that she was still observing far more than most people ever would.

“Proprietary,” Cass settled on at last. She nodded her satisfaction with her choice of word, and Jason waited a whole two point five seconds before sticking  his whole foot in his mouth.

“Proprietary?” He asked with a scrunched nose as he weighed that for possible context and implications. “You sure?”

She glared. He winced. It was a whole thing.

“Yeah, I know, sorry, sorry, I heard it the second it was out of my mouth. We don’t actually have to experiment with the legitimacy of if looks could kill.”

Cass rolled her eyes, but eh. That could’ve gone worse.

Jason swiftly redirected attention anyway. Discretion is the better part of valor, after all.

“So. The Queen of Air and Darkness was talking about our big bro, and her mood was.....proprietary, huh?” He recapped while digesting the info like a boss. “Well. Definitely not loving that, I gotta say. Hold please.”

Pulling out his phone and pulling up his most recent texts, he began typing furiously.

“What are you doing?” Cass asked.

“Texting Tom,” he replied, because duh. Hah, now it was his chance to have the answers that should be patently obvious and thus make with the ‘are you kidding me’ when she asked obvious questions she should know the answer to! How do you like them apples, sis?

“Why are you texting your boyfriend right now?”

Jason rolled his eyes, because fair is fair, but never ceased texting for a moment. Time was of the essence here, probably. Well, maybe. Okay probably not. But it’d still been like half an hour since he and Tom had last texted and that’s a very fucking long time in teenage years.

“To be our getaway driver tonight, obviously.”

She stared at him. He didn’t look up, but he could feel it anyway. He was very intuitive like that.

“What?”

Jason heaved another sigh, one keyed to tones of ‘oh my god, do I really have to spell this out,” exasperation. He was just racking up the bonus points here. It was really too bad this wasn’t an actual competition he could actually win and this was all just pettiness taking place wholly in his own head. Lame. 

“Well, clearly we now have to go snoop in Madison’s house aka lair to see if its actually a house or a full on lair. Because she’s either a creeper or like, legit evil, and its important to know which one before we proceed, because obviously we can only bust her for being a weird creeper about our brother as Jason and Cass, whereas if she’s legit evil, that’s gotta go down as Robin and Black Bat. I’ll handle the snooping, you’ll take look-out, but we still need a wheelman and that’s why I’m texting Tom. This is all very mission-oriented, okay. I’m a professional.”

“Right,” she affirmed, while sounding anything but convinced. “Why don’t we just tell Bruce?”

Without looking up or breaking stride, he said: “I’m going to give you til I finish typing this sentence to figure out what was wrong with what you just said. Remember that we are talking about hypothetical danger to our brother, and also Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response to any of his children being in even hypothetical danger. And also our brother’s idea of a proportionate response to Bruce’s idea of a proportionate response. Look, you’re still new so I’m gonna need you to just trust me on this one. Its gonna be a no on telling Bruce without further intel.”

Cass said nothing in response to that, which meant that she was conceding the point and recognized the wisdom of his words. Or maybe that she was just gonna go ahead and do what she wanted anyway and just wasn’t bothering to fight about it, but it was probably that first thing.

“Well you better not just make out with your boyfriend all night,” is what she said at last, and that got his attention reeeeeal quick like.

“Umm. Wow. Okay. So, first off, you’re not the boss of me and who I make out with and when, so jot that down. And second, now I’m definitely going to make out with my boyfriend extra hard, with the exception of when we are actually on our recon mission because as previously established, I am a professional. And also, again, you’re not the boss of me.”

Jason ignored her Eye Roll With Extra Emphasis, and instead just held up his phone to Text With Extra Emphasis, as he read along with what he was typing.

“By the way babe, we have to make out extra hard tonight,” he said, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth while he dragged out his dictation with the kind of focus that usually led to Bruce asking why he couldn’t apply as much intensity to training as he did to pettiness. “Cass has suddenly decided she can dictate terms to me and I need to shut that shit down ASAP, so thank you in advance for your assistance in this matter. Smoochies and other gay stuff to the best boyfriend ever.”

Jason frowned as a response pinged back seconds later. 

TheCatsMeow: ....the things I put up with for the sake of your weird family dynamics.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah, yeah. You’re a saint among were-panthers. Must you mock? Why can’t you just tell me I’m pretty instead?

TheCatsMeow: Sorry. Let me try again. OMG you’re so pretty Jase how did I get so lucky xoxo.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: No. Its too late. It feels forced and unbelievable now. You’ve ruined it forever.

TheCatsMeow: Got it. From now on I will only tell you that you’re repulsive and hideous.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: I’m breaking up with you.

TheCatsMeow: But after I help you with your mission tonight.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Obvsly. I’m a professional. Why do people keep forgetting this?

TheCatsMeow: And also the making out to spite your sister.

TheOnlyRobinThatRocks: Yeah we should do that first too. I mean we already penciled it in.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 8/?

Word Count: 1.6k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best Friend’s Name)

This one is shorter because of the last one’s length.

Hi everyone! By the time you see this, I will probably be out and therefore cannot update the other parts with this one’s link, so don’t worry about that if you notice it.

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Jason’s Trauma and his Death, Lightning, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9)  (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Going on day 5 of knowing each other, Jason and Y/N would spend the day apart. Why? Because they gave each other the chance to have family time, Jason got it by playing around with his baby siblings, playing Assassin.

Fluff Head canon came from frownyalfred on Tumblr, who wrote about Jason playing Assassin with his brothers 

He would go running through the halls playing the game that he and Dick knew all too well, it had been the only ‘no contact’ game they were allowed to play at a summer camp Bruce had sent them to all those years ago when they weren’t adults with a bunch of other siblings, and girlfriends. But here they were, explaining the game to their younger siblings while Alfred and Bruce hung out with Barbara, who wished she could play, but was paralyzed.

Everyone missed playing games with her like they used to, but with the video game consoles in the house they did transfer a lot of their gaming to online so they could relive memories with Barbs. It was bittersweet, and everyone remembered when she became paralyzed like it was yesterday, but she always wanted them to play games like they used to, with or without her. 

Jason admired his, hopefully, one day older sister for how she treated her disability, like it was a gift, not something that impacted her everyday life and made her have to hang up the cloak of Batgirl.

But running around chasing after Dick, because of course, he got Dick, the universe wanted them to play again, was something he missed so much. They hadn’t had so much of this time, family time, ever since they all became vigilantes, and they never realized how much they missed the thrill of running around with each other.

Jason ended up getting Dick and throwing him out of the game, calling it a ‘selfless act of brotherhood so you can hang out with your girl’ and they both laughed at it. Titus, Damien’s dog, ended up barking up a storm at Jason when he killed Dick, like the big dog was rooting for Dick to win the tournament.

“Down boy! It’s a game!” Jason would whisper-yell at his dog.

“Yeah! Good boy, Titus! Get him!”

“No!” Jason would yell while running throughout the house, Titus on his heels. Passing by Alfred, Bruce and Barbara, where Titus would stop and go lay at Bruce’s feet, but Jason didn’t know that.

Jason would end up coming in just 10 minutes later, with a green slash on his neck. Tim, who had pulled Cass but killed her, Cass, who had pulled Jason. Tim now had two kills in the game and both were to people who could have easily overpowered him. 

“Jase! Welcome to the land of the dead,” Dick greeted him.

“God dammnit I’ve already been here,” Jason whined in a joke.

“You and your ‘I died pity me’  jokes,” Barbara said.

“It’s called a coping mechanism, Barbs. And hi dad, Alfred,” Jason said as he waved slightly at both of them, Alfred waved back and Bruce nodded at him.

“You could just to go therapy, Jase,” Barbara said, seeming concerned for someone who she considered her baby brother. She remember when he came into the Manor, she was older than him, sure . But he had nightmares and she and Dick would switch between who would sleep at his door at night, they both had terrible backs until the nightmares calmed down. Jason never knew they did this.

It also happened when he was resurrected, but the nightmares were worse and he’d wake all sweaty and upset. There were too many nights where batkids would be in Jason’s bed with him from 12am to when Alfred would greet them in the morning. The nightmares had slowed down a lot in the past few years with the introduction of his Goddaughter into his life, but they still came by to remind him of what happened.

He didn’t talk about it much. They would always try to edge him on about about really happened, but he was stubborn. It made sense, sure, trauma is trauma. But they all wanted to help him get better. It hurt them all that he was hurting and they didn’t know how to help him get through it.

--------------------------------------------------

Y/N would sit on her bed that morning and finally finished organizing her criminal psychology and regular psychology notes when she came across her printed copy of Dr. Barry Allen’s dissertation she had studied so hard. She found it so weird that she was so close to someone who she looked up to in the field while also being so far in the same breath.

She didn't dote on it for long, she stocked it away with her forensics notes in their place. This, the relationship she had with Jason that intertwined her with so many people, was something she was getting used to by the minute, but it was never something she’d get fully used to as time goes on.

She would put on a JCS - Criminal Psychology video in the background as she worked and tried to make her journal look nicer when Jason texted her,

Good morning. He said.

Good morning :)  She said back.

I just lost a game against a 16 year old.

Huh?

My brothers and 2 of my sisters were playing Assassins with me right? Well my 16 year old brother, Tim, he ended up getting the better of me and beat me. 

Oh! So you suck!

What!? No, I’m literally so cool what do you mean? He said, it clearly had sarcasm undertones to it, so Y/N wasn’t worried if she offended him with saying he sucked.

Oh yeah? Then why’d you lose?

Well, I killed Dick.

Okay so you didn’t lose, Dick lost.

It started raining a little bit, the sounds of it hitting lightly against her window, and she felt at peace. It was never hard for her to feel peace when she was by herself. She only had one roommate because she liked the silence, to be alone to collect her own thoughts in her head.

Her parents said it was because she probably had underlying mental illness that they never had the money to diagnose. She agreed. But she still didn’t have the chance to do it.

Jason and her deserved so much more than what the world have given them up to this point, so when they found each other it was, in a way, the universe saying ‘I’m sorry, you deserve this’ and with each passing day it made the pain they had both felt in their lives just a little bit more tolerable.

No, I guess Dick sucks at the game more than me.

Where’d you even get the concept for that game?

Dick and I used to play it at a Summer Camp before we got kicked out.

For playing the game?

No, for being unruly children.

You seem like you were a handful back in the day.

I was, I was the worst kid to raise, my dad has a shirt that says ‘Proud parent of a kid who is sometimes an asshole but that’s OK’ and he wears it all the time.

What a dad moment. Don’t tell my father that shirt exists, he’ll get one for my mum and himself to represent my sister and I.

Were you an unruly child as well?

I was a troublemaker. Getting into arguments with my authoritative figures about dress codes, rules, why girls couldn’t carry chairs, literally anything that was unequal, I was at their throats about it.

I mean, as you should. My older sister, Barbara, and my younger sisters, Stephanie and Cassie, they would like that about you.

I feel like in someway I’ve won over every part of your family.

The rain would get more violent as time went on. Strikes and hits of lightning would strike all around the city, hitting those gargoyles on every building, she always figured they were decorative, but A/N explained that their horns were made out of copper so people wouldn’t get struck by lightning. Bruce Wayne actually made that a thing, A/N said.

Y/N got a message from the dance competition that she signed up to, turns out, California was hit with a hurricane and most people evacuated. No one was allowed in or out. She guessed weather was being funky everywhere. It sucked, but she already was wishing she could spend time at home instead of out in the world.

A feeling she hated.

She would spend the rest of the day on and off the phone with Jason while it stormed. She would go to bed early that night.

-------------------------------------------------

Jason slipped on his vigilante uniform, the Red Hood was going to be on patrol over this night, stormy or not, it was his duty and he knew that. Did he want to go? Yes. He was killing for some action and he was going with Dick. They would probably have some ‘Bro Time’ which Jason wanted. 

Even if it was silence, having Dick nearby him meant enough and gave him peace of mind.

He grabbed his guns and loaded them while packing a few extra magazines in his belt, when Dick placed a hand on his shoulder, “You have to be careful tonight, Jase,” Dick said as he gulped down tears, “Just come back to me alive if you break off from me, okay?”

“Alive but bruised,” Jason joked.

“I’m serious. I can’t lose you again and tonight is going to be massively dangerous.”

“You won’t.”

[strawbebehmod]

An important idea I need to share with all of you

Zuko from atla, Rin okumra from blue exorcist, Shoto todoroki from BNHA, and Edward Elric from FMA would make the ultimate quartet of edgy boys with bio dad issues. They need to be friends. Activities between them could include:

Stopping ed and zuko from deciding to live in every hot topic they comes across

While simultaniously blowing all their money on said hot topics

Using todoroki to make freezie pops

Ed using his fire boi friends to make s’mores whenever he feels like

Rin teaching everyone how to heely

Zuko discovering musical theater and never shutting up about it, providing endless hours of entertianment for his friends

Ed having to stop Rin and Zuko for falling for Shoto’s conspericy theories

Rin and Shoto introducing Ed and Zuko to finger nail polish

Rin trying very hard to get them to form an accapella group only to realize Ed is the only one who can actually sing well among them

Tries to form a rock band instead but zuko only knows how to play the tsungi horn and Guzheng and Ed the violin so it becomes the weirdest fucking garage band of all time

All of them like cute plushies you can fight me on this so all of them trying to work to gether to get things from crane games

Hanging out in libraries and trying to help rin with his studies

Everyone insisting zuko share baby druk

Rin making tiny hats for the turtle ducks

Dad angsting together

Zuko and todoroki bonding on spiritual levels for obvious reasons

Regular jokes about rins dad the devil

Shoto’s is the only one accessable atm so them planning coordinated pranks together on him

Zuko teaching ninjitsu to them because rin begged with puppy dog eyes

Rin and todoroki teaching zuko and ed how to text

Rin spams the group chat occationally with cursed memes, ed uses too many gifs as reactions, and zuko only sends turtle duck photos or rants about nobles/theater, shoto is suffering and living all at the same time

As a result they have so many in jokes their chat is incomprehensable to anyone else.

Someone sends 3 ramen emojis and zuko bursts out laughing and everyone not in the chat thinks hes crazy

Zuko vs rin sword battle that gets pretty heated *badum tshhh*

Ed is at their beck and call for alchemy party tricks

Any time their food gets messed up at a resteraunt shoto just holds it to ed to get him to fix it with alchemy

Also uses ed to charge phones

Also zuko has him make little houses for druk and the ducks to rest in

Zuko is the only one who appreciates ed’s gargoyles

All of them crashing zukos meetings along with toph

Toph is an adopted little sister for the whole group and is now living her best life

Rin makes comfort food for all of them when they are sad

They try to return the favor but the best cook out of the three of them is shoto and his signature coffee pot ramen

Rin and zuko bonding over little sibling prodegy issues

All of them holding an intervention for yukio

Zuko and rin band together to sneak alphonse soft animals behind ed’s back

Rin introducing zuko and ed to anime much to shoto’s and the rest of the world’s horror

Zuko wears a naruto headband with pride and keeps relating to antiheros help him

All of them are bi and ready to cry and have a bonding session about that

Making jokes about how ed is the only one who has not seen a banana up until this point

Cross culture binge sessions of trying wierd foods

Zuko is introduced to ice cream and is in heaven

Iroh adopts all of them cause half of their alternative support dads are dead

Ursa too cause all of them remind her so much of zuko

Trying to help Zuko with Azula. Todoroki and Rin bringing in mental health books from Japan to try and do what they can.

Rin tries to actually get to know her cause he relates to being called a monster as a kid. Has kuro cuddle her much to azula's displeasure.

Pact to make sure none of their siblings, adopted or otherwise, end up in as bad of a situation as azula.

Zuko treating Alphonse as his own little brother too

They get along really well

Theres a lot more potential but thats all i can think of for now. Please more people consider this friendship square, thank you.

[nearlymanaged]

21. The Long Wait and James’ Exasperation

“Remus!” Suzy, a bespectacled Gryffindor sixth year with enchanted flowers braided into her hair, caught up with him. 

“Hey,” Remus stopped, holding the portrait hole open for her.

“Thanks…” She breathed out as she climbed in with an armful of assorted spellbooks, quills, parchment, and ink bottles. “My bag broke today,” she explained.

“I’m sorry,” he offered a genuine smile. “My bag’s broken once, too. Granted, it was being held by James and Sirius. Who were flying on two separate brooms at the time. So maybe not quite the same...”

Suzy let out a tickled laugh and almost dropped half of her things just then. Remus, however, reacted in time and, with a flick of his wand, lifted all of the weight out of the girl’s arms. “Thanks again,” she beamed.

“No worries. Well, have fun with…” he gently pushed one of the books, floating mid-air, out of the way, “History of Magic,” he said after a glance at the cover. “Ah yes, the class that, six years in, has taught me how to take notes while napping…”

Suzy laughed again, taking over the steering of her possessions with her own wand now. “That’s actually hilariously accurate… Maybe we could work on our homework together sometime, for moral support?”

“I do lead a study group every Thursday… Although lately, it’s been more like every once in a blue moon, whenever we can squeeze it into everyone’s schedules...”

“Maybe you and I can have a private study group then?”

“Er…” Remus stammered while his brain worked to figure out whether Suzy was asking him out or genuinely trying to get some help with homework. For some reason, he thought, the older he got, the harder it was to read anyone. “I’m absolute shite at History of Magic..?” He attempted with a shrug.

“Then maybe I can tutor you some?” 

Ah… It certainly sounded like the girl’s interests spanned beyond homework. A mild panic was setting in as Remus tried to come up with an appropriate response, but nothing came to mind. So he decided to just go for it, as clumsy and awkwardly as he knew it would come out. 

Thing was, Remus never really came out to people. Yes, obviously he had been open about his sexuality with Vincent, and at this point, most (if not all) of his friends had caught on, and, matter of fact, he didn’t care if the whole school knew. He felt like a bit of a freak anyway, what’s another thing to add to the list? He just never went around talking about it. In all fairness, it was probably because he’d gotten used to keeping it to himself at home, with his dad around. He could hardly imagine having that conversation with his family (“Hey dad, guess what? I’m gay!”) so he had sort of pushed that idea aside and moved on altogether. But now, he inhaled deeply in anticipation...

“Suzy... I’m…”

“Alright, I’ll just say it… I just need a couple of bottles of butterbeer and I…”

“...ga-- What?” Remus froze all of a sudden, only his eyelids fluttering in a rapid succession of baffled blinks.

“Did you...just say you’re gay?” Suzy peered at him, looking no less confused than he felt.

“I…er...”

“I knew it,” someone uttered in a group of fifth years flocking around the nearest sofa.

“Nevermind that,” Remus mumbled while wishing to literally die right then and there. “You said you need butterbeer?”

“Ehm, yes. I know that you and your friends know where to get some…” Suzy, very graciously, employed a facial expression determined to ignore Remus’ little outburst.

He hastily assured her that he’d talk to his friends and get some butterbeer for her during their next expedition to a mysterious source that Suzy had no business knowing anything about anyway. Still feeling the burning embarrassment pulsing all the way from the pit of his stomach to the top of his head, Remus turned to run upstairs to put his stuff away and maybe suffocate himself with a pillow while he was at it. Before he could leave the scene of his mortification, however, he was beckoned over by the very giggly duo of Lily and Dorcas.

“Rem, did you just yell ‘I’m gay’ at--”

“Five points from Gryffindor.”

Lily let out a loud gasp that somehow ended with an indignant squeal. “James told me you do that…” She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, but didn’t say another word about the topic.

“Welcome to the club, Remus,” Dorcas grinned at him. “I always knew there was a reason I liked you. Straight people can be so...intense sometimes -- no offense, Lily,” she finished with a smirk.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t judge all straight people based on Potter…”

Both Dorcas and Remus cackled at this. “What about you, miss I Hate This Arrogant Toerag But I’ll Still Spend Every Waking Moment Hanging Out Around Him?” Remus tilted his head rather eloquently with a little quirk of his eyebrows.

“Oh! Please! Pshh!” Lily started shuffling around in her seat with an outraged glare.

“That’s what I’ve noticed, too!” Dorcas beamed at Remus. “She can’t get enough of him lately, can she?”

“You think it has anything to do with him being Quidditch captain?”

“Well, straight people do seem to have a thing about sports…”

“Shut up, you idiots!”

“So - and forgive me for being so blunt - Sirius?” Dorcas beamed at Remus, evidently deciding that Lily’s had enough mortification for the time being.

“What about him?”

“Rumour has it, you’ve got the hots for the Black boy?”

“The rumour’s name wouldn’t happen to be Lily, would it?” Remus shot a pointed glance at the girl in question, but Dorcas merely chuckled at it rather dismissively.

“There’s also the fact that everyone in this school has eyes and ears, Remus. And some of us know how to use them, too. Question is, who’s going to make the first move?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

Remus felt a kind of warmth flood over him - against his own logical thought, he couldn’t help but feel pleased to know that other people could see it. “Hard to say,” he mumbled through a grin that refused to be toned down.

“I think it should be you,” Lily stated matter-of-factly.

“How so?”

“Because, obviously, you’re the somewhat more sensible one.”

“I don’t think romance has much to do with sensibility, Lils,” Dorcas leaned back in her seat. “I think it’ll be Sirius. Precisely because he lacks it.”

“What are we, making bets on my life now?” Remus folded his arms over his chest; he only barely resisted the temptation to reference their very secret plan that he wasn’t supposed to know anything about.

“That’s a great idea!” Dorcas cackled at his feigned indignation. 

“All jokes aside,” Lily beamed, “I have a feeling you two will get together soon. It’s Spring, after all. A time for new beginnings.”

“I thought you dropped Divination?” Remus pulled a funny face at her, pretending to be puzzled by her words.

“Yes. But, as Dorcas already pointed out, some of us have functioning eyes and ears.”

“And some of us might even know more than we let on…” Dorcas uttered, a faint smirk curving her lips.

Lily smacked her arm lightly. “Dee!”

“What?”

“What?” Remus echoed, his eyes darting between the two girls.

“Nothing. Dorcas has a strange sense of humour, that’s all.”

“Uh-huh… So anyway, speaking of new beginnings--”

“Oh will you drop it?” Lily cut across him rather sternly. “Even if I did agree to go out with him, so what?” She added quieter.

“Oh? I was going to say, isn’t it strange that the last summer of our Hogwarts years is almost here. But your thing is more entertaining,” Remus shot her a smug grin.

“Remus!”

“What?” He laughed out.

“And she might agree to go out with him sooner than we’d suspect, too.”

“Dorcas!!”

The three of them went on about sensible minds and love and sensible minds in love; mostly courtesy of Lily and Dorcas while Remus was quietly replaying every moment he’d spent with Sirius in the past few days, only occasionally offering a joke or a commentary. This was happiness, he thought. To have friends that cared (enough to devise some sort of a secret plan) and a boyfriend who was one of the best friends he’d ever had and one of the best people he’d ever known. This was happiness - being seventeen and in love and surrounded by good people, and it didn’t even matter that he had just embarrassed himself in front of Suzy and half the Gryffindors.

* * *

Remus looked like there was some kind of a magical glow about him as he sat there - bathed in sunlight streaming in through the high, narrow windows of History of Magic classroom, his chin in his hand, his quill unceasingly taking notes. There certainly was a distinct warm and bright afternoon laziness in the air, which rendered Sirius completely unable to pay the slightest bit of attention to Mr Binns’ monotonous recital of Gargoyle Strike of 1911 facts. 

Instead, his gaze was resting on the side of Remus’ face, quasi-secretly taking in the way the sun glistened in his sand and honey coloured hair, the way that that one scar ran across the bridge of his nose like a vein of ore, the way that his eyelids lowered over his brilliantly green irises, the way his soft, yet always a little chapped lips feebly formed silent words here and there as he wrote them down...

“Sirius, you’re staring.”

“You’re just now noticing?” Sirius purred back at Remus’ whispered observation.

“I was busy taking notes, which you’ll be thankful for later.”

“I’ve been staring at you longer than that.”

“Stop it…” Remus mumbled, quieter now, a slight blush tinting his cheeks and ears, which Sirius noticed to his great delight.

“Surely, you don’t actually mean it, do you?”

“Stop it, Sirius…” He repeated with even less conviction in his voice. 

“What do you think they’re planning? To get us together?” Sirius perked up slightly, genuinely eager to dive into speculation about the topic. In all honesty, anything that had to do with Remus had been his favourite topic lately -- or not so lately.

“I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about it too,” the boy’s eyebrows slowly knit together over his thoughtful eyes. “I can’t imagine anything that would require James and Lily to go on a fake date.”

“You can’t use your own logic for this. We need to think like them,” Sirius grinned.

“Ah yes… We must think like someone who’s gotten hit in the head by a bludger more times than I have fingers.”

“Hey!” Sirius protested and then shrugged apologetically, remembering he was in the middle of a classroom. “I’ve gotten hit by a bludger too. Read the room, Moony.”

“So you have. That’s why I talk so slowly whenever you’re around,” Remus whispered and gave Sirius a smile that might have been intended as an expression of mischief but in reality looked more flirtatious than anything else.

“And yet,” Sirius leaned in a little closer, speaking a little quieter, feeling a little giddier, “I happen to be where you choose to lay your affections.”

“I never claimed to be perfect…”

“You’re such a tease, Moony.”

“You bring it out of me,” Remus mumbled as he bit down on his lip, evidently determined to bridle his grin. “When do you think they’ll carry out their secret plan?”

“Hm… I don’t know, there’s not really anything special happening anytime soon. The Quidditch game, maybe?”

“But surely, James can’t be on a fake date with Lily if he’s playing Quidditch?”

“Good point. D’you think they’ll fake an injury? That’s probably very likely, statistically speaking.”

“Statistically speaking?” Remus shot him a curious glance. 

“Fake injuries tend to be the driving force of a lot of our successful pranks, don’t they?” Sirius grinned.

Just then, the bell rang throughout the castle and all the students started getting up from their desks and funneling out into the hallways. Sirius and Remus both shoved their belongings into their bags and started heading for the door of the classroom along with their fellow sixth years.

“Why is Suzy McGregor giving you weird looks?” Sirius gently nudged Remus’ ribcage. “What?” He asked when Remus took a deep breath and sighed.

“I yelled at her..?

“You yelled at her?..”

“That I’m gay…”

“You...pardon?”

“I thought she was trying to ask me out…” Remus kept trailing off as he spoke, determined to slowly but surely power through this embarrassing tale, holding his wide glossy gaze straight ahead as they walked out into the corridor.

“But she wasn’t?” Sirius offered curiously.

“She just wanted some butterbeer…”

“But not on a date with you?”

“No. I’m not invited to drink butterbeer with her.”

“Why’d you--”

“She chose very confusing wording to lead with, alright? And besides,” Remus finally met Sirius’ eyes, “it’s not like I don’t ever get asked out by people.”

“I wasn’t trying to imply,” Sirius smiled brightly. “I mean, I asked you out myself, didn’t I? What?” His expression clouded over with a confused kind of smile when Remus laughed.

“I wouldn’t exactly call that asking someone out.”

“Well you should look up the definition of asking someone out because that was exactly it!”

“You asked me to help you with homework. Exactly like you’ve done dozens of times before.”

“If not hundreds. But that’s not the point,” Sirius whispered hastily as they were overtaken by a group of Ravenclaw sixth years. “I’m sure it’s nothing compared to whatever Vincent would have done,” he blurted out without thinking.

“Vincent?” Remus repeated that name as if he’d never heard it before, to Sirius’ vague delight. “What’s he got to do with anything?” He was smiling now.

“I don’t know, you seemed pretty fond of him…” Sirius trailed off this time, unsure where he was going. For some reason, all of a sudden, he simply wanted to know that he was more important and special to Remus than the French git -- which was a ridiculous thought, seeing as they’d been inseparable friends for years.

“I think that’s a bit of an overstatement.”

“It is?”

“Are you jealous?” A big smile blossomed over Remus’ mouth as he uttered the question.

“Should I be?” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly as he thought to himself that he was, he absolutely was.

“Sirius.”

“Remus?”

Without another word (albeit with a roll of his eyes), Moony grabbed Sirius’ hand and swiftly dragged him into the nearest classroom - which conveniently happened to be one that they often counted on to be empty, for it hadn’t been used for lessons in at least two years.

Before he could figure out what was happening, Sirius found himself pinned against a cold stone wall. Remus’ left hand traveled up to touch his face, ever so gently, to rest along his jawline, as he kissed him slowly and deliberately. Sirius was dimly aware of Moony’s other hand holding his, their fingers laced through each other loosely, yet without intention to let go. He couldn’t comprehend how he had spent so many years without being kissed by this beautiful boy like that. 

When Remus pulled away slightly, just enough for their foreheads and noses to still touch, Sirius managed to stammer out, “Moony?”

“Mhm?”

“Where...where did you learn to do this?”

Remus recoiled now, a sheepish smile painted across his beautiful, flushed face. “Sod off, Padfoot.” He turned around on his heel.

“No, I’m serious!” The black haired boy followed him out into the corridor, a giddy grin crowning his own features. “Is this how you kiss other people too?”

“I don’t kiss other people, Sirius…” Remus narrowed his eyes ever so slightly when the other boy caught up with him.

“But in the past!”

“Are you...are you retroactively jealous?”

“Only if you have kissed other people like that,” Sirius mumbled, only half jokingly.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to conduct a survey to see what they have to say.”

“Such a tease,” Sirius smirked at his boyfriend. 

He felt so in love and so happy as they walked towards one of the moving staircases. It almost seemed to him as though there had to be a catch to it, as though complete bliss like this wasn’t meant to be free. But whatever the price could be, all he cared about were those green eyes, full of joy and love.

“Oi, Sirius!” James’ voice bellowed over the excited clamour of the hallways. “I’ve been-- Are you two alright?” His demeanor changed instantly when he approached the two boys.

“Yeah, why?” Remus shrugged while Sirius continued to float in the pleasant haze of his own mind.

“Pads is clinging to your arm… Are you hurt?”

“Oh, that,” Remus chuckled and gently peeled Sirius’ fingers off from around his forearm. To Sirius’ own surprise, however, he couldn’t remember how or when his fingers ended up wrapped around it in the first place. “I think I might have broken him…”

“What did you do?” 

“I, er…”

“I’ll tell you later, Prongs,” Sirius finally rejoined the reality and their conversation. “So what about you and Evans?” He asked, foolishly - and very much aware of it - hoping that he could nudge James and his mysterious plan into motion a little faster.

“What do you mean?”

“When are you going to get together?”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you been telling me to forget about her and get over it at least once a week for the past year?”

“Nonsense! Have you been asking her out lately?”

“No…” James narrowed his eyes.

“You were looking for him?” Remus reminded with a nod towards Sirius.

“Ah, yes… Bad news - Quidditch is postponed until next week.”

“Why?” Sirius attempted to sound somewhat interested in the topic, while in all honesty, he was starting to become impatient about an entirely different thing. 

“There was a break in at one of Hogsmeade shops. The school,” James uttered these words rather contemptuously, “feels it would be unwise to have the overwhelming majority of pupils out in the open grounds so close to a suspected Death Eater attack.”

“How dare the school,” Remus nodded with a solemn expression; a heartwarming attempt at solidarity.

Sirius, in the meantime, was getting lost in his head again. He was thinking about how much he wanted to tell James that Remus kissed him in Hogsmeade. He wanted all his friends to know. And he wanted to hold Remus’ hand all the time and kiss him whenever he wanted. Sneaking around might have sounded exciting in theory, but he didn’t think that now. And not only that - he wanted everyone to know that they were together, he wanted the whole school to see him with Moony and to realise just how much luckier Sirius was than all of them. He wanted all the students to talk about how much they loved each other and what a lovely couple the two made. He wanted the whole staff to be on the lookout for the snogging in the hallways. He wanted to be able to share his intoxicating happiness with everyone and anyone.

* * *

James pushed a couple of second years out of his way as he darted through the portrait hole, into the common room. He threw a half-hearted apology at them, without so much as a glance, as he made a beeline for the far corner of the room, where a collection of old, red velvet clad furniture crowded around the fireplace.

“Why is everyone talking about how Remus Lupin came out as gay in the common room?!” He stopped in front of the boy in question, his hands on his hips, a subconscious mirror of his mother.

“Wh-- Who’s talking about it?” Remus scrunched his nose, his body frozen halfway through a flinch, the book that he had been reading now lying face up in his lap.

“Who’s...he’s asking me who’s…” James muttered bitterly. “My sources, alright?”

“Your sour--”

“Why am I, once again, forced to learn about things like that from other people?!”

“I didn’t--”

“How do you think that makes me look!?”

“I--”

“Makes me look like a bad friend, Remus! Do you think I’m a bad friend?”

“No…”

“Then why wouldn’t you tell me before you start going around telling the whole school?”

“I didn’t--”

“Nevermind that, I have to go send an owl to my parents to stop asking you about girlfriends.”

“Oh, it’s really alright, they’ve only asked a handful of times--” Remus mumbled feebly, obviously very confused by James’ outburst.

“A handful too many!”

“Prongs, it’s hones--”

“They might start pestering you about boyfriends though…”

“That’s...that’s fine with me, James,” Remus smiled brightly out of the blue.

“Hm, I’ll think about it… Either way, I need to ask for more of mum’s flapjack…”

“You do that, James.”

“I hope you didn’t not tell me that you’re gay because you thought I’d do something ridiculous, like disapprove or give a broom riding fuck at all, honestly. Unless you started fancying me...you know my heart belongs to Evans.”

“I know, James,” Remus was positively radiant now.

“Good. Right. I’ll go send that owl then. Jaffa Cakes?” James lingered on the spot.

“That’d be lovely. Send your parents my love.”

“Will do. Sorry for raising my voice,” he added after a moment’s consideration.

“That’s quite alright.”

“Let me know if anyone gives you grief about it.”

“Thanks, James,” Remus beamed at him, at which he nodded and turned around on his heel.

Now that he’d gone through with the confrontation, his mind was catching up with what had happened - he had overheard a handful of Gryffindors talking about Remus and how he had told Suzy McGregor that he’s gay. Of course, James was aware of Remus’ sexuality, he just never talked to him about it - he wanted to give his friend all the time and space he needed rather than force him to come out if he wasn’t ready. And when he heard those kids talking about it, he couldn’t help but feel hurt; hurt that Remus didn’t feel like he could talk to James, perhaps?

And - just like most things James would get riled up about - now it turned out to not be a big deal at all. Once he paused to think about it, James realised that more than anything, he was worried that Remus would feel like he needed to hide his sexuality just like he’d been hiding his lycanthropy. And if that ever turned out to be the case, he silently swore to himself to do anything he could to make Remus feel like he didn’t have to be ashamed about any part of his wonderful existence.

As James was crossing the common room, deep in thought, he almost walked right past Sirius, who had just descended from the dormitories. 

“Were you aware that Remus is, in fact, very much not straight?” James grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. 

“Er…” Sirius briefly stared off across the room before returning his gaze to James’ face. “Vaguely.”

“As in, he’s very much gay.”

“Uh-huh…”

“Did he already tell you!?” James gasped.

“Not exclusively, no.”

“Well? Aren’t you happy about it?!”

“Oh! Yes, very!” Sirius nodded a tad too vigorously.

“Do you not fancy him anymore?” James screwed up his face in confusion. He’d been finding himself growing more and more exasperated lately; he couldn’t figure out why his two friends were being such idiots and was beginning to put more and more stock into Lily and Peter’s plan.

“Oh no, I do. I very much do.”

“Why won’t you just tell him?!” James whispered hotly, gesturing his arms around.

“Oh, you know,” Sirius shrugged, “because we’re friends and all that jazz, I guess.”

“Are you sure you still fancy him?”

“Yes. Aren’t you?”

“You haven’t been whining about him lately.”

“I don’t whine, excuse you,” Sirius puffed out his chest dramatically.

At this, James let out an amused laugh. “Sure. You want to walk to the owlery with me?”

“Uh…” Sirius stared off again. “I needed to talk to Remus, actually. About the study group thing...”

“You know, if the boy doesn’t figure out that the only reason you attend his study groups is so that you could stare at him, then maybe I’ve overestimated his intelligence…”

“How dare you,” Sirius popped his eyes in another facetious gesture. “I care about my education, that’s all.”

“Mhm.” James arched his eyebrows and watched Sirius walking away for a few moments before continuing on his way.

Some thirty minutes later, James was back at the portrait hole, giving the Fat Lady the password, when Lily caught up with him.

“Potter,” she nodded with comical gravitas.

“Evans,” he mirrored her. “Coming back from a Dorks Anonymous meeting?” He cast a glance at the stack of books in her arms.

“Is that your new seduction tactic?” She squeezed past him, through the portrait hole into the common room.

“Is it working?”

Lily opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but then just laughed, melting James’ heart just a tad more.

“Say, have you noticed anything strange about Remus and Sirius?”

“Yes, actually,” she stepped aside, out of the way of people climbing in and out the common room entrance, and turned to James. “I couldn’t put my finger on it at first, but they seem to have started acting a lot less...annoying?”

“Yes!” James grabbed Lily’s shoulders excitedly and gave her a light shake. “Sirius hasn’t been whining...at all, really. ”

“And Remus isn’t staring at Sirius with that pining look at mealtimes. In fact, I saw him hand feed Sirius at lunch the other day.”

“I’ve seen Remus braid Sirius’ hair at least three times this week.”

“I’m so confused… Why won’t they just get it over with and get together?”

“You know, I’m starting to think your plan will prove to be a necessity…”

“Oh, interesting.” Lily shuffled her weight on one foot and raised an eyebrow as she shot him a sly smirk. “I seem to remember you calling it a waste of our time.”

“Can’t hurt to try, can it?” James shrugged defensively, trying not to stare at her lips too obviously as he did.

“Well, we’ve just got a couple more weeks before the next Hogsmeade trip. We’ll have to start thinking about how to fake this date,” Lily grimaced.

“I do have feelings, you know. You could at least pretend to not be repulsed by the idea,” James pouted.

“I’m not! That’s not what I mean…”

“I’m just yanking your wand, Evans,” he chuckled and fell into step beside her when she started for their usual corner of the common room. 

Before they even reached their friends, they exchanged very eloquent looks at the sight of Sirius perched up on the armrest of Remus’ chair - they seemed to have formed a new habit of sharing a seat whenever they could get away with it (anytime they weren’t in class).  

“Sirius,” Lily squinted at him, “are you wearing Remus’ sweater vest?..”

James’ eyes darted to Sirius, his face screwing up in a horrible realisation that he had somehow missed that detail up until then.

“This?” Sirius tugged at the hem of it. “Yep.”

“But…” James peered at him. “You always make fun of it. You hate it, don’t you!?”

“Hate it!? Dear Merlin, of course I don’t hate it.”

“I’ve literally heard you describe this exact piece of clothing as a ‘poor shoe shiner child’s uniform’, multiple times.”

“Dragondung, I would never say that.”

“No, actually,” Remus interjected with a very indulgent smirk, lowering his book in his lap, his index finger marking the page, “I too remember you saying those exact words.”

[starkeaton]

the adventure zone: graduation character list

Well, i accidentally deleted the original graduation character list post, so here i am making another one. Oops. And as always, if anyone has important details i should add then feel free to suggest them!

Here are all the characters introduced in episodes 1-25. Named characters only!

Also i can’t hide spoilers! So, um..... I can’t put spoilers on this one. If you need the version with spoilers try this version of the post that i made on the adventure zone subreddit but youre not missing out on much.

# -EPISODE 1- (19 characters)

Hieronymous Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Hero/Villain school. at least 400 years old. wears shining blue armor with gold accents. also an elf. according to Tomas, he led the charge at the "battle of blood valley", brought the Kingdoms of Rickart and Dawnbreak to a peace treaty, and founded the school. a little boastful, a little prideful, [SPOILERS OMITTED], and overall a pretty good dude.

Higglemas Wiggenstaff (he/him): Head of the Sidekick/Henchperson annex, cranky old elf. has a dog named hero who shows no signs of anything strange at all, ever. 

Gary (he/him): friendly room gargoyle. pseudo-hivemind.

Groundsy (he/him): the groundskeeper. a pretty nice fellow. don't go in his shed.

Hernandez (he/him): beautiful centaur professor of animal handling.

Jimson (he/him): human battlegrounds trainer for sidekicks/henchpeople, world famous featherweight champion, wields a staff. married to crushman.

Crushman (he/him): silver dragonborn with a sickle, and self-described beefy boy! heavyweight blood champion married to jimson. never lost a match for 8 years. full name Frostus Crushman.

Rolandus Fontaine (he/him): former prince, son of deposed king, kind of an asshole, maybe. wears a cape (important detail)

Zana (she/her): "terrifying" tiefling villain sorcerer, friend of rolandus. barkept the test tavern in ep2

Rhodes (she/her): hero ranger, friend of rolandus.

Buckminster Eden (he/him): hero guy. son of "The Iron Lord". their dad is stronger than rolandus's dad. his wiki page says rogue so i think hes a rogue? i never caught that and ive listened more times than i wish i did

Leon (he/him): softspoken buff, bald "fighter" (although i dont remember any clarification on how exactly he fights), sidekick of buckminster, around 28. anyone else keep forgetting he's bald? i keep forgetting it. >!gets sorta-drafted into becoming a falcon for higglemas and so far hasn't done much else.!<

Rainer Michelle (she/her): cheerful villainous necromancer with a floating chair. also, her name is pronounced "rainier" despite not being confirmed as such? travis ships her with fitzroy.

Tomas (he/him): human man with "kind eyes" and a good (psychic???) memory. guidance counselor.

Stewart LeBoeuf (he/him): brawny human man. serves food. there is no joke here, i promise

Mulligan (he/him): teaches potions. mentioned but doesn't appear yet. and we're like 25 episodes in. maybe we'll see him someday

Germaine, Victoria, Rattles (he/him,she/her,???/???): Skeleton crew. They live in the training room i guess, and as a result can never die, because "no one dies in the training room!" (note: someone now HAS to die in the training room). also their races are never explicitly stated but i guess they're probably human? in episode 3 travis brings up something about how many bones are in "the human body" and at this point i think i'm looking too deep into this so i'll just forget about it and you probably should too.

# -EPISODE 2- (9 characters)

Riveau (he/him): halfling, blame-taking teacher.

Mimi (they/them): gnome sidekick who builds cool robot prosthetics

Bartholemus (he/him): owl aarakocra accountant teacher, known for being the best accountant in the land and having a face some might describe as "smoochable". very pro capitalist :’( hope he gets better

Ramos (she/her): goliath teacher of shieldwork. *

Dip (she/her): sidekick, half-orc twin of pip

Pip (she/her): hero, half-orc twin of dip

Festo (they/them): fairy with "beautiful gossamer wings", independent study teacher of magic, loves to party

Snippers (he/him?): Let me tell you my story about Snippers the magic crab. When Travis gave the list of animals that Griffin could choose as Fitzroy's familiar's current form, he listed crab near the start, and this gave me excitement. Now i knew that crab was pretty unlikely but god i hoped that he would choose it. When the list went on- Bat, Cat, Crab, Frog, Hawk, Lizard, Owl, Poisonous Snake, Fish, Rat, Raven, Seahorse, Spider or Weasel- I nearly lost hope. I was hoping so hard that Griffin would choose the crab, but i was ready to accept a non-crab familiar. It was just buried in that list. It wasn't the most useful animal and it was an obscure pick. And as Travis informed him that it didn't have to keep the form for the whole campaign, Griffin said those five words i wanted to hear so, so badly. "Well then it's a crab." Folks, I do not often react physically when something happens in media. But in that moment, i remember very clearly, i fist-pumped and yelled, "YES!!!!!!"

so anyway, Fitzroy has a crab.

Jackle (he/him): kenku teacher of sneakery. creepy dude. apparently knows something about argo? also his name is not spelled "jackal" for some reason. Also in later episodes theyve started calling him "The Jackle" for some reason??? *

# -EPISODE 3- (1 character)

Dakota (they/them): tavern instructor, clad in black/red leather. no race stated? probably human. *

# -EPISODE 4- (6 characters)

Gerry & Tom (she/her, he/him): shopkeepers at barns and nobles who seem to have very bad names. also constantly competing for customers? these guys got dropped faster than the heathcliff quests, which is honestly just sad.

Barb (she/her): the bartender. runs Springs Eternal in Last Hope. has a sweet seeing-eye hawk familiar. 

Jaryd Reginald (he/him): owner of Reginald Ore. Wants the workers to be held responsible for the damage caused by the xorn. (fun fact: originally i wrote down "Jerrod" because i wanted it to sound like a fantasy name, then realized it was probably "Jared" because theyre named after listeners, but i was pleased to find it confirmed that it's actually "Jaryd")

Candice (she/her): A Miner. thought those werent allowed in bars but, i guess not. Wants the mine owner to be held responsible for the xorn's damage.

Jade Johnson Esq. (she/her): lawyer.

# -EPISODE 5- (1 character)

Xorn: a big hungry gem eating guy from the plane of earth Low-Down Deep with 3 arms and 3 legs. why did travis just say "multi-armed" instead of specifying it was 3? who knows! Anyway it leaves

# -EPISODE 6- (3 characters)

Osric (he/him): the man, the myth, the bursar. finally shows up after being mentioned in episodes 2 and 4. he's an elf. 

breeze through the willows (she/her): Pegasus attacked by demons, lost her parents. introduced in ep1 but gets a name here so fuck it. also in ep>!16!< we find out shes a "white arabian pegasus" and i dont think thats a spoiler bc we shouldve really known it from the beginning

Sabor (he/him): Librarian/research teacher. also a TORTLE. Really good at recalling stuff, i guess. kinda reminds me of Tomas's memory thing but i'm sure that's just a coincidence... *

# -EPISODE 7- (1 character)

Mosh (he/him): The goliath blacksmith who welcomes argo into the unbroken chain. Also, and this is specific to the tumblr version of this post, all the characters with an * at the end of their descriptions are also members of the unbroken chain. if someone knows how to do spoilers on tumblr please tell me

# -EPISODE 8-

:)

# -EPISODE 9- (2 characters)

Eeiïäá#æ&éñn (pronounced like "Ian") (he/him?): an imp but without a shitty voice. also happens to not be violent. what a coincidence?

Terence (he/him): a chain devil with a real demonic name. minor boss of the imps. very convincing and very threatening. has the frightening ability to make you zone out during his fight

# -EPISODE 10- (2 characters)

Althea Song (she/her): elf with autumn-orange hair. representative from heroic oversight guild. i'd like to personally thank travis for spelling her name out.

Crabtree (she/her): Artificing teacher. Long gray hair with a long grey beard. no mentioned race, one might guess dwarf but that would be an assumption i suppose. also unbroken chain member, presumably the dwarf argo didn't recognize in episode 7.

# -EPISODE 11- (3 characters)

Marie (she/her): Grey-haired elf woman. She's the school's physician, i guess. Member of the unbroken chain.

Dendra Maplecourt (she/her): Fitzroy's mom. Has hot mint gum, i guess. She was mentioned earlier but i wasn't convinced she was a real person until this episode

Cool Gary (he/him): AYY ITS ME GARYR

# -EPISODE 12-

no new characters again!

# -EPISODE 13- (7 characters hhhyyyuu)

Kale (???/???): Head of the Placement Department, in charge of real world assignments. First mentioned in Ep4 but i missed that the last few times bc it is so brief. Gives exposition about missions i guess????? is that the only reason this chara cter exists

satyr thief (unnamed) (he/him): tries to rob thundermen, dies instantly

Ogre (he/him): teamed up with the satyr. his name is ogre.

Moon (he/him): A Sidekick. small pale sullen guy. no mentioned race. Why is there another FUCKING sidekick WE HAD ENOUGH hhhyuuuuuu

Deanna (she/her): A bigoted centaur with an obnoxious voice. Malwin the Strong's second in command.

Malwin the Strong (she/her): Leader of the centaurs of the scarlet woods. Wants to appease the spirit of the scarlet woods so that thecentaurs of the scarlet woods will be protected in the scarlet woods. Had a relationship with Arturas in the past but their clashes are currently known to get pretty heated.

Arturas (he/him): Leader of the Centaurs of the Valley, i guess. Had a relationship with Malwin. Centaur. Did i mention centaur? i cant think of anything else about this character

# -EPISODE 14- (2 characters)

Calhain (he/him): Human wizard, Malwin's magical advisor. Kind of an amateur wizard in a job high above his skill level. Graduated Wigginstaff's as a hero.

Spirit of the Scarlet Woods: A spirit who requires sacrifice in order to keep Malwin's herd safe and prosperous. Not keen on dubiously canonical combos, i guess. i wouldnt be either. also apparently the sacrifice depends on personal value, not how much value it has to the spirit.

# -EPISODE 15- (2 characters)

Sylvia Nite (she/her): Fitzroy's magic theory teacher at knight night school, who he turned into a catfish by accident. oops!

Chaos (they/them, maybe more): Presumably a deity, gave Fitz his powers and wants him to give in to his chaotic desires. (physical desc: 9 foot tall, iridescent 'mother of pearl' skin, pure white eyes, fine burgundy cloak with gold/onyx lining. their physical form beyond that seems to change every time they show up.)

# -EPISODE 16-

none -w-

# -EPISODE 17-

some demins happened. the big dudes are called "Pit Fiends" and the armored demon ladies are called "Erinyes", by the way. that was incredibly hard for me to figure out the first time, especially without headphones, i thought travis was saying "pig feet" and i just could not discern what the other things were

# -EPISODE 18- (6 characters)

snow on the mountain: shire horse pegasus

storm at sea: peruvian paso pegasus, vehement defender of The Guardian. doesn't have a goofy voice.. but he could have....

thaw of the spring: a winged horse

night of no clouds: a winged hhorse

The Guardian: "An ancient and powerful being that guards the unknown forest." Has protected the flock from demons for many many years. apparently is the voice that was talking to our firbolg in episode 1?

Grey, the Demon Prince (he/him): wants to cause a war, originally wanted to kill hiero and higgs, forces the heroes to build an army to fight his. As "Fauxronimous", he has skin the *color and pattern of* (but not necessarily made of) slate splashed with liquid, pointed ears, sharp teeth, shining eyes, horns of unspecified shape. 12 fucking feet tall. wonder if the slate-looking skin is related to garys. plot twist detected? Also i recently looked at the episode descriptions and found out his name is spelled "Gray", but really does it truly matter?

# -EPISODE 19- (2 characters)

Shabree Keene (she/her): Argo's mom, killed on the Mariah, possibly by the Commodore. Long auburn hair, green eyes. Mentioned earlier but described here, so fuck it.

**Thomas** (he/him): Argo's first mate on the Mariah, as the Kraken, in his chaos-dream. may or may not actually exist.

# -EPISODE 20- (1 character)

The Commodore (he/him): Reknowned hero of the seas, military regalia, great naval hero, presumably responsible for the death of Shabree Keene. No mentioned race. Seriously, they never mention this guy's race. The only thing described about him is how he's dressed and his evil smile. Does that mean he's human? Elf? Dwarf??? Who knows! maybe it just doesnt matter. 

# -EPISODE 21-

none

# -EPISODE 22-

not any of them. not any.

# -EPISODE 23- (1 character)

Ozymondelius (sp???) (it/its): A warforged teacher who just so happens to like war or something? i guess its in the name. only mentioned in this episode, doesnt show up yet.

# -EPISODE 24-

they have a fight in the training room but nobody dies :\\ maybe next time. also no new characters. pog

# -EPISODE 25- (4 characters)

Gherkin (he/him): Tall lankier skeleton, has a scimitar and a merkin, which is a pubic wig... and he wears a jerkin? which i guess is a kind of coat? also i think hes mute 

Tibia (she/her?) : Shorter skeleton with gold teeth, and long canines. i think both of the skeletons are mute actually.

The Lich King aka Gordy (he/him): Rainer's dad. Commands armies of the undead. lives in The Crypt. described as a hooded, skull-faced man with intricate black lines on his face, but changes to a shaved-head man with dark skin and vetiligo. Abandoned as a babby, raised by traveling parents, had necromancy powers, took Rainier in. Not actually very scary at all i don't know why he did the creepy laugh. Kind of a warm fatherly figure actually. hm. also people are speculating Gordy might be short for Gordita and his parents are maybe supposed to be lup and barry but THAT S JUST A THEORY.

our firbolg's father (he/him): A firbolg who lived by the code and was there when our firbolg was banished. Came to respect our firbolg's interest in a new way of life, in his final moments.

TOTAL: 72 NPCS! (well, including 2 extra PCs, i guess.)

Average: 2.88 NPCs per episode.

i was gonna not include the bone-PCs and have it be 69 but our firbolg's dad was just too important to not respect with a spot on the list.

anyway as always make sure to smack me with a blunt object if i forgot any characters!!!!!

[i-think-2-much]

Morgan Stark+Babysitter Peter Parker

Peter nearly lost his balance as Karen’s voice startled the white noise of the city below him. He had been perched on his favorite gargoyle (a hilariously deformed figure on the roof of an apartment complex on 54th and 3rd) for what felt like an hour, his vision scanning the streets for some sign of trouble. It was relaxing. The only sounds were the hum of conversation, cars, and various machines that blended together into a pleasant, familiar hum. The wind that came along with being so high whipped past him, gently cooling him and preventing the spider suit from getting too hot.

That’s when Karen spoke up, “You have a call.”

He was in such a meditative state that when Karen’s clear, robotic voice shattered the silence, he jumped and had to scramble to keep himself on the gargoyle, “Oh jeez, Karen! You scared me!”

“Peter. You’ve fought aliens, monsters, and fought in a war unlike any seen by an Earthen, and you got scared by a voice?” Karen asked, confused.

“Well, yeah,” Peter huffed, trying to get his heart rate under control, “It came out of nowhere and-- wait, you said I have a call? From who?”

“Pepper Potts.”

Peter blinked, “Weird. I don’t really talk to her that often. Answer it, please,” Peter let a moment pass before launching into his usual phone call introduction, “Hey, you’ve reached Peter Parker. What can I do for you today Ms. Potts. No wait! Mrs. Stark, right? You guys got married while I was… you know. I’m sorry. This has already turned sad. What’s up?”

“I just found an old upgrade Tony was planning on making for your suit, and I was wondering if you wanted to swing by and pick it up. I can’t make any sense of it, but you’re a clever kid. You might be able to figure it out,” Pepper explained.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to drop by Miss uh…” Peter hesitated, “What do you want me to call you?”

“Pepper is fine.”

“Okay, Pepper,” Peter affirmed, testing out the name, “Any specific time?”

Pepper sighed, “Just whenever you can. I’m going to be working from home all day. Morgan’s babysitter quit without any warning and I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Peter hadn’t run into the daughter of Tony Stark very many times. He didn’t interact with the Starks as much as he wanted to, really. He had always been closer to Tony than Pepper, and now since they didn’t have Tony in common, it was sort of awkward. The two couldn’t be any more different: the single mother who was CEO of Stark industries and was constantly finding new tech in her house, and the high schooler who could barely get his homework done because he just happened to be a superhero. Or maybe they could be more different. Whatever the reason was, Peter and Pepper never clicked like they had with Tony.

Due to their lack of a relationship, Peter hadn’t seen much of Morgan. He spoke to her briefly at Mr. Stark’s funeral, and a few times at the formal events Pepper was sometimes forced to make her attend when her babysitters backed out. Still, Peter could hear the stress and the frustration leaking through his suit’s speakers.

He already regretted his decision, but spoke anyway, “You know, the city’s really calm right now. I could keep an eye on Morgan for a bit. I’m generally pretty good at making sure people don’t kill themselves or die in some form. I should be able to keep her alive. Other than that, I make no promises.”

Pepper laughed, but it was tense, “I appreciate the thought, but it’s okay.”

Peter pushed himself to his feet, “Okay, well then I’ll just swing by webber you want me to or not,”

Pepper sighed, “Can you superhero types go a day without making a pun?”

“Sorry Miss, that’s against my contract,” Peter joked.

“Just come pick up this upgrade before Morgan finds it and does something she’s not supposed to,�� Pepper pleaded.

Peter took a few steps back, crouched into a sprinting stance, and took off in a mad sprint. When he reached the end of the building, he pushed off with all his might, effectively launching himself in the air.

He hung with a final, “On my way,” and turned his attention to the challenge in front of him. He sent out a web and gripped the coarse cord. He’d probably have to find somewhere to change and just take the bus to the Stark’s place… Or he could just hitch a ride on a bus. Was that legal?

Peter dismissed the concept and turned his mind to other matters, “Karen? Would you please call Aunt May for me?”

The speaker in his suit rang a few times before the woman picked up, “Hey Peter! Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I helped a kid get home after school. He got lost, so I gave him a ride. That was adorable. And I managed to prevent a bank robbery the second it started. This dude was acting, like, super suspicious, so I followed him into a bank and caught him as soon as he took out his gun. Not a single shot fired.

“ Anyway, I just got a call from Pepper—you know, Tony’s Pepper— and she found a suit upgrade Tony had been working on before… Anyway, she wants me to pick it up ASAP. Apparently Morgan has developed an interest for that sort of stuff.”

May let out a little laugh, “Well then you and Morgan have a lot in common. How are you planning on getting there?”

Peter had to dodge a particularly low-flying bird before answering, “I’ll just take the bus. It’s not too long of a ride,”

“Don’t you have an essay due soon?” May reminded him.

He considered the problem before making a decision, “I can type it out on my phone during the bus ride. It’ll be fine.”

May sighed, “Okay, fine, just stay safe. I lost you for five years. I never want to lose you again. You know how much I love you, right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I love you too. I love you too.”

With immense difficulty, Peter located the next bus to the Stark’s neighborhood and secured himself a little spider-nest on the top and began typing away. Thankfully, he had had the foresight to download a digital copy of the book he was analyzing, which meant that he could just switch between his writing app and the ebook. It was annoying, but doable. By the time the bus was off the highway, his essay was completed and sent to Ned for a peer review.

Not too long after that, Peter found himself ringing the doorbell of the Stark’s house. He hadn’t been on this property since Tony’s funeral. He could remember crying on the bench on the front porch with May running her hands through her hair mumbling reassurances, but May hadn’t been there. She wasn’t the one holding him as the life faded out of his body. Watching as the life—

Pepper opened the door, pulling him out of her thoughts, “You’re wearing your suit? Of course you are. Why not. Come in.”

Peter lowered his mask as he entered the house. He had briefly seen it during the funeral, but he was a bit distracted. Now that his eyes weren’t blurry from tears, he could admire the rustic decor. It drastically juxtaposed with his original expectations of the Stark’s home. The CEO of the most powerful company in the US and one of the generation’s greatest innovators lived in a warm, quaint, older home without the stainless steel accents and whites Peter had expected.

“You have a lovely home,” Peter notified Pepper.

Pepper brushed a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear, “Yeah, Tony built it himself. I had no idea what he was up to. I actually got mad at him, because I was pregnant and he just ran off, but then he showed me…”

Peter brushed a hand against their kitchen table, studying the wood grain, “And let me guess, the Table’s actually a 3D model rendering system that can be used for calculating quantum theories?” He speculated.

“I’m pretty sure you were being sarcastic, but it actually is,” Pepper confessed.

“Oh no, I wasn’t. Mr. Stark always thinks of everything. He made me a space suit and a parachute built into this suit.”

“Mama, can we please play now?” A small voice pleaded from the adjacent room, “It’s been ages.”

The tiny girl went around the corner and froze at the sight of Peter, “There is a weird human in our house. You’re human, right?”

Peter grinned, “Yeah. I’m Peter Parker.”

The girl smirked and crossed her arms, “No you’re not. You’re Spider-Man.”

Peter froze, “How did you—“ he paused and looked down at his Spider-Man suit, “Oh.”

Morgan walked over and grabbed Pepper’s leg, “Mama, why is Spider-Man at our house?”

“Daddy made something for him awhile ago before everyone came back. He just came to pick it up,” Pepper explained.

Morgan gasped, her hands darting to cover her mouth in disbelief, “Daddy knew Spider-Man!”

“She’s a fan,” Pepper explained. Morgan just stared at Peter in awe.

Peter grinned at the little girl’s adorable reaction. He lowered himself to her level and made eye contact with her, “I knew your daddy very well. He made me my suit and—“ tears welled up in his eyes”— and taught me almost everything I needed to know about being a superhero. He made me an avenger, a good person, and a hero. In fact, he was like a dad to me in some ways. I really miss him.”

“Daddy was pretty cool,” Morgan agreed, “He was friends with Scarlett Witch and promised me he’d teach me how to make my own radio,”her face fell, “but he never got around to it.”

The look on her face broke Peter’s heart. She was so hopeless and resigned…

He made up his mind right then, “Maybe I’ll have to teach you,” he decided, “If it’s okay with your mom, I’ll show you right now.”

Peter looked up at Pepper. He took some delight at seeing the surprise written on her face as she protested, “No, Peter, you don’t have to—“

“Pepper, please, it’s the least I can do. Besides, she’s a Stark. Something tells me that if no one shows her, she’ll figure it out herself eventually. I might as well save her the time.”

“Please Mommy!” Morgan pleaded, using a child’s most important tool: the puppy eyes.

“Fine,” Pepper relented, “All of our scraps are in the garage.”

Morgan squealed in excitement and gripped her mother’s leg tighter before letting go and snatching Peter’s arm. Morgan pulled him into the garage and showed Peter to the scrap pile.

Peter rubbed his hands together, “Okay, so how about I get everything we need and then I’ll explain everything to you.”

Morgan seated herself on the floor and nodded.

Peter rummaged through the pile and gathered everything they would need, “Okay, so now… oh. Uh…” he turned to look at Morgan, “What do you know about radios?”

“When you turn the dial, it’s a different song. That’s it,” Morgan admitted.

“Well okay. Do you want me to explain it quickly or the real way?” Peter inquired.

Morgan perked up and squeaked, “The real way!”

“You sure? It’s gonna be a bit harder to understand,” Peter warned.

“I can do it!” Morgan slammed her firsts against the ground with a loud BANG.

Peter raised his hands up in surrender, “Okay, jeesh. So there’s something called radio waves…”

Morgan was a surprisingly good student for someone so young. She was eager, constantly grabbing things straight from Peter’s hands, and forgot everything that Peter told her, but Peter expected worse. After lots of consideration and promises that she would be careful, Peter let her solder a wire or two, but for the most part Peter did all of the hot stuff. Morgan’s job was to line everything up and to learn.

By the time they were done, the radio was a mess. Peter would have done a much better job on his own, but that didn’t matter.

He raised an eyebrow at Morgan, “Okay. I think it’s ready!”

Morgan gasped, “Really!”

Peter shrugged, “Only one way to find out,” he held their small metal box of wires out to her, “Do you remember which one was the switch?”

Morgan nodded and pressed it. Immediately, Black Sabbath filled the room. Morgan squealed of joy, the sound twisting with the heavy bass of the band.

Peter barked out a laugh at the girl’s reaction, “You did it!”

“And then we change the channel by doing…” She frowned at the device, “THIS!”

The song was replaced with some song by Imagine Dragons. Morgan squealed again, “Can I show my Mama?”

Peter nodded, “Yeah, I’ll come with you!”

Morgan sprinted out of the garage with surprising speed. Peter had to run after her in order to keep up.

“Mama! Mama! Look what me and Spider-Man made!” Morgan squealed to a closed door.

There was a short scuffle from the other side of the door before Pepper opened it and knelt down, “Oh, what is it?” She asked, feigning ignorance, “Is it… your lunch?”

Morgan giggled, “No, silly! We made a radio! See!”

Morgan pressed the button and shone with pride as the music blasted out of the speakers.

Pepper raised her eyebrows in surprise, as if she hadn’t been expecting their endeavors to be so successful, “Wow! It sounds so good!”

“I know! And look! It can change songs!” Morgan squealed, showing her how she turned the knobs for the channel and volume, “Spidey said that the numbers we see on our car radio are actually the frequencies of radio waves!” She launched into an explanation that summarize exactly what Peter had just explained to her, going into the science and everything.

Peter laughed when she finished, “Wow, Morgan. I’m surprised you remembered that much.”

Morgan seemed even more surprised than Peter, “I just listened and asked questions.”

A small, wistful smile wormed its way onto Pepper’s face, “Well, she is a Stark after all.”

———-

“But MOOOooooOom,” Morgan complained as Peter slipped his hood back on, “Does Spider-Man have to leave?”

“He has school in the morning, honey,” Pepper chided.

Morgan crossed her arms with a “Hmph”. She moaned before relenting, “Fine. Bye Peter. I love you… Ten. That’s close to one hundred, right?”

Peter couldn’t help but smile, “Close enough.”

[mchanv]

(DFYaH) Chapter 1: The Book

[Originally on AO3]

(A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first story here, on Tumblr, and I’m not exactly sure how everything works yet. If there are mistakes in the posting of this story, feel free to tell me or help with what you want and can. Nothing coming from the original HP series belongs to me, all those belong to JK Rowling, I only made the story.)

Summary: I’ve always wondered what Draco Malfoy’s side of the Harry Potter saga was, that’s how I came up with this idea. It is not possible at all to be canon, due to the inability of certain magical items in the story. It runs alongside the books very closely, so some dialogue or actions can come directly from them.     Draco Malfoy goes to Hogwarts for his first year. After being sorted into Slytherin and the night had fallen, a strange silvery bird gives him a message. The bird, seemingly a Phoenix, belongs to Albus Dumbledore, his Headmaster, who gives Draco a book upon his arrival in his office that same night. Draco has no idea what the book meant, but decides to go through with what Dumbledore has asked of him.

Ship: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Marcus Flint/Oliver Wood (background)

Genre: Adventure/Romance

Word count: 1, 324

—————

Finally, Hogwarts! Draco breathed in the cold air of the night as the boats drifted towards Hogwarts. 1 September 1991, Draco’s first day at Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry!

    His father had told him all about it, prepared him for everything. So, it didn’t surprise him at all as the ghosts came floating in, nor as the Sorting Hat began to sing. He thought it quite nice most didn’t; he felt superior to them.

    That evening, Draco was about to fall asleep after a long day as a strange silvery bird appeared next to his bed. He sat up in shock, not having seen it coming in. It seemed to be a Phoenix.

    “Come to my office tonight,” the Phoenix said in a voice Draco recognized as Albus Dumbledore’s, his Headmaster. The Phoenix vanished.

    Draco sleepily got dressed and made his way out of his dormitory into the common room. He was glad to see it deserted. Quietly, not to wake anyone, he crossed the room and left. He walked for a good five minutes until he remembered he had no idea where his Headmaster’s office was. Just as he wanted to turn around and go back to the Slytherin common room, he heard a voice coming from his right.

    “Ah, a student out of bed. I see...” Filch, the caretaker, said, “A new face... A first year Slytherin? Let’s see what Professor Snape says of this...”

    Thinking this was his only change, Draco asked, desperately trying to avoid his Head of House knowing about this: “Can’t you bring me to the Headmaster instead?”

    Filch laughed. “Not afraid of a good punishment. I see! Good then, follow me, boy!”

    Filch seemed quite happy the whole way towards his Headmaster’s office. Draco guessed he must think he would get badly punished, Draco hoped not. While walking, he tried his best to recognize the way they were going.

    They stopped at a stone statue of a gargoyle at the dead-end of a corridor. Filch gave the gargoyle the password and Draco followed him up a staircase, to come to a halt in front of a door. The caretaker knocked and an old voice sounded from behind it, the same in which the Phoenix had spoken.

    “Enter.”

    They entered and Filch said enthusiastically, “There was a student out of bed, sir! This boy here.” He pushed Draco forward.

    “Thank you, Argus, but I asked him to come here. I’m glad you brought him, you can leave now,” Dumbledore said calmly, smiling.

    Draco sighed internally, he was not getting punished. Filch had kind of the opposite reaction, though, he left the room angry, muttering under his breath something about students being out of bed.

    Dumbledore smiled down at Draco, who shifted awkwardly.

    “You wanted to see me, sir?” he started nervously.

    “Yes, indeed, Draco. Please sit down.” He gestured to the chair before his desk, as he himself sat down behind it. “So, Draco, do you have any idea why I asked you here tonight?”

    Draco shook his head.

    “I see... Either way, you’ll find out soon. Do you see this book here, Draco?” He pointed to a book with a very dark cover. He couldn’t read the title, but there was something written on it in golden ink. He nodded. “What colour is it?”

    At first, Draco thought he was joking. But looking up into those blue eyes, he knew he wasn’t.

    “Black and dark red, sir, with a golden title.”

    Dumbledore looked very pleased with the answer.

    “Is that so? That’s nice! Now, Draco, I didn’t ask you here to test if you were colorblind, if that’s what you were thinking,” he said, “I actually want to ask you for a favour.”

    He took the book and laid it in front of Draco. Draco looked down at it and sneered. The title read: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. “What is this favour, sir?” Draco wondered irritably after reading the title, looking back up at his Headmaster.

    Dumbledore smiled. “I want you to study this book,” he said calmly, as if it wasn’t a big deal, “and note every important bit of information. Do you think you can do that, Draco?”

    Draco frowned. “Can’t you do that, sir? I mean, I might not be the right person to write things down about Potter.” He sneered again at the mention of the name.

    “Already got a past, I see. That makes it even better! And believe me Draco when I say I’ve already got a lot of things to do as a Headmaster.”

    “But... Why me? I don’t understand, sir...” He looked down at the book again, thinking, trying his best to understand.

    “You won’t,” Dumbledore said calmly, Draco looked back up. “Not yet, at least. But you’re the best person for this job. Trust me.”

    He gave Draco a reassuring smile. Draco sighed. “Okay then, I’ll try...”

    “Great!” Dumbledore beamed. “Here, take these for your notes.”

    Draco looked down at the four items Dumbledore had just handed him. One of them seemed to be a book; except without words, and only blank lines. The second thing was long and pointy, he took it and rolled it between his thumb and index; it seemed to be made of wood. The third was a strange rectangular object, it felt rubbery under his touch. The last was again rectangular, only with a round hole in one side, the size of the long, quill -like thing, in which was put a small, sharp blade. “What are these, sir?” he asked his Headmaster.

    “Those are a notebook, a pencil, an eraser and a sharpener,” he explained, pointing from one thing to another. “Muggles use the pencil to take erasable notes in a notebook.”

    “Do I have to write with this, in that?” Draco wondered grudgingly, pointing from the pencil in his hand to the notebook.

    “If you don’t mind.”

    “All right, then. Can I go now?”

    “One more thing, Draco, can you open the book and see where it stops?” Dumbledore asked.

    Draco nodded and opened the book. He skipped through it until the sentences suddenly stopped and the pages turned out white and empty. “Page 141, sir, Chapter 8.”

    “Do you think that is the end of the chapter?”

    Draco shook his head. “Only the start, the second page of it.”

    Dumbledore nodded. “Then I would like it if you’d manage to get to the end of chapter 7 before your first Potions lesson. When is that?”

    “I don’t know, sir, I don’t have my timetable yet.”

    “That’s right, my apologies. Then, can you come back here tomorrow, at 10 o’clock?” Dumbledore asked. Draco nodded. “All right, then! You may leave. And don’t forget to study the book. Goodnight Draco.”

    “‘Night, sir.” Draco stood up and walked to the door.

    “Oh, and the password is ‘Chocolate Frog’!” Dumbledore called after him before he closed the door.

    Draco walked soundlessly through the corridors of the castle, tracking back the way he went. His mind was racing wildly, and thoughts like ‘Why am I the best for this?’ and ‘Is he just playing with me?’ kept returning, over and over again. Finally, he stood in front of the wall that held the secret entrance to the Slytherin dormitory. He whispered the password, and the hidden door in the wall opened, allowing him to enter.

    He walked to his dormitory and laid down on his bed; the book held close to his chest while the other things laid dumped on his bedside table. He took the book off his chest and looked at it; it was too dark to read it so he put it away. He sighed and rolled over, and, too tired to get changed, fell asleep in his robes.

—————

(Text Copyright © 2020 MChanV)

[victoriousfrankenstein]

Experiment 1: “Descend in pain, demon!” -- I, FRANKENSTEIN (2014)

You’re probably wondering why I’m kicking off this series with this shlock. Well, I’ll just tell you--it’s free with Hulu and I’m not trying to break the bank here. (Spoilers ahead, not that you care lol)

I, Frankenstein stars blandly chiseled Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s monster, here conveniently named Adam, with assists from Bill Nighy, Miranda Otto, Yvonne Strahovski, and Jai Courtney. The backstory goes like this: in 1795, Victor Frankenstein brought his monster into the world (in an undisclosed place), immediately rejected him (for an undisclosed reason), and tried to kill him (by tossing him off an undisclosed bridge). The monster survived this attempted drowning and came back to kill Dr. F’s wife, then led him up north through the unforgiving arctic, where the good doctor eventually succumbed to the cold. This information is communicated to us visually and via voice over, in case we couldn’t figure it out for ourselves.

The movie truly begins with the Creature burying Frankenstein next to his wife (“It was more than he deserved,” spits a bitter Aaron Eckhart). As he does this, he is attacked by demons and immediately kills one of them. This awakens some nearby gargoyles who fly from their perches on a castle to merc the rest and save the unconscious Creature. They remark that they’ve never seen a human kill a demon before and conclude that “it” must be special; as they loot what they believe is a corpse, they find a pretty sweet journal belonging to one Victor M. Frankenstein and gasp because the rumors are true!!! Then the Creature begins to move!!!!!

The gargoyles take him back to their queen (Otto), who demands to know why the demons wanted him. She explains that the Gargoyle Order has been at war with demons since the fall of Satan, and that they were commanded into being by St. Michael himself. She also gives the Creature a name--Adam--and requests that he stay with them for protection...but he leaves and forges his own way for 200 years, before finally returning to hunt down the demons who want him for some reason.

So it’s now Modern Times, but I couldn’t tell you where this movie is actually set for the life of me. The gargoyles live in some monstrous European cathedral and all the actors are affecting that bland movie British accent, but there are few indications of what the actual, specific setting is. Unless, of course, the cathedral is real, and I just don’t know my landmarks. Sorry.

Anyway, now scientists are hard at work trying to figure out the secret to reanimating dead corpses. Dr. Terra Wade (Strahovksi), working under Bill Nighy (who unsurprisingly turns out to be Prince Naberius, leader of the demon horde), zaps a rat back to life. She weirdly measures the electricity in Joules and not volts; I am not a scientist, but this sounds wrong to me.

She tells Bill Nighy that they aren’t yet ready to reanimate a human corpse yet, and he fires back that hasn’t she heard of Victor Frankenstein? She proclaims that Frankenstein is a myth, made up to “scare children.” For me, this opens up a can of worms I’m not sure the writers thought of when they put this in the script. Just...who is Frankenstein in this universe? Does the Mary Shelley novel exist? Does it exist, but as real documentation and not a work of fiction? Is he more of a legend? She wonders why Frankenstein didn’t share his discovery with the world if the story is true, but he explains that himself in the actual novel, which leads me to believe it was never written in-universe. But then seriously, where did the myth come from?! Terra speaks as if the Brothers Grimm invented the story and it’s very odd.

She does admit, however, that if Frankenstein did reanimate a corpse, it would be helpful to study the creation. So Bill Nighy assembles his troops.

Demons attack the cathedral, where Adam is being kept by the gargoyles. The CG is absolute ass. This movie has big 2004 energy for a lot of reasons, and this is one of them. The only thing I appreciate about the fight scenes is that there isn’t an excess of shaky cam, so it’s easy to see what’s happening; unfortunately, what’s happening isn’t usually very interesting. The fight choreography is stale and repetitive. The music is incredibly generic.

However, this scene particularly has holy waterboarding, so that’s pretty good.

It also has the best worst line in the entire film!

The demons capture the Gargoyle Queen, who is then traded back for Frankenstein’s journal. Now the bad guys have the ability to reanimate dead humans, something a man in the 1790’s figured out and they could not.

Meanwhile, Adam breaks into the lab and finds a room of stashed corpses, which the demons are presumably storing to raise an army of the undead. He jumps through a window into the lab to get the journal back. Everyone knows immediately who he is because Victor Frankenstein was really good at drawing.

Unfortunately, security shows up with Bill Nighy, who chews the scenery as much as he can. He calls Adam “Frankenstein,” as “we are all the sons of our fathers.” Adam cannot accept this. He breaks out of a separate window and lands on a train, where he begins to read his life story, then doubles back to meet up with Terra and tell her all about the gargoyle/demon battle. And that she’s working for a demon prince.

Demons attack them. One of them monologues about how they will summon their brethren to possess the corpses. What does this have to do with Adam? He doesn’t have a soul...and demons can only possess bodies without soul!

 Adam is injured. Terra learns that he’s hot. Sexy Wound Dressing commences.

This is probably the most annoying part of this film to me. Adam and everyone waxes poetic about how he was rejected by his creator and humanity, and I have to wonder why. He looks and acts like a dude. A ripped dude, yes, but a dude. He apparently learned how to speak in a single winter, so it’s not like he was ever really a wild animal? His scarring isn’t even raised! He could hide his blemishes with foundation if he really wanted to, yet several people in this movie call him “it” before even learning what exactly he is. It’s about as unnatural as Ben Shapiro purposefully misgendering trans people.

Anyway, Terra tells Adam she’ll make him a companion since Frankenstein didn’t because he was a bad dad. This is a one-off line that amounts to nothing.

At this point there is a third of the movie left, but you can guess exactly how it unfolds from here. It’s hardly worth recounting in detail. Basically everyone is after the journal, but Adam destroys it before anyone can get it. That doesn’t matter. Terra is forced to reanimate the corpse of her murdered colleague without it, which sets into motion the reanimation of the thousands of corpses Bill Nighy has had on ice for….centuries, presumably?

Demons ascend to Earth to prepare to take over their new corporeal forms. Luckily, Adam is here to take them and the gargoyles, who have betrayed him, down.

I didn’t mention the gargoyle betrayal before because it lasts four seconds and amounts to nothing. They’re all fighting demons now. Bill Nighy reveals his true form!

A demon tries to possess Adam, but it doesn’t take. Our king says “my body, my choice!” He has a soul! Yasssss!

The whole laboratory sinks into Hell and the gargoyles save Adam and Terra. The movie ends with Adam vowing to protect humanity. And because I know you’re wondering, yes, the last line is this:

We do not ask for the lives we are given. But each of us has the right to defend that life. I have fought to protect mine. And when the forces of darkness return, you shall know that I am out there, fighting to defend yours. I, descender of the demon horde. I, my father’s son. I, Frankenstein.

Jesus Christ.

So, is this movie worth watching?

That is a resounding no. There are some movies that are a fun kind of bad, and others that are just boring. I, Frankenstein is the latter. Even watching it with a friend wasn’t that fun. The film has about four different colors, and the acting is even less varied. It’s the same performance all around--gravelly, serious, dull, with nary a joke to be found. Only Bill Nighy makes an attempt to do something, but even he doesn’t ascend above the generic Evil Rich Guy mold.

It’s funny because as I watched this, I thought it seemed like an Underworld ripoff. According to IMDb, the franchises were originally envisioned to exist in the same universe, but I, Frankenstein did so poorly that the idea was scrapped.

Is it any wonder? The performances are empty, and so is the world itself. A few extras in the first scenes gawk at Adam’s scarring, but none show up at all in the climax. “This city” is referenced throughout, but can it really be called a city when there is no life to be found? When it isn’t even named?!

Please stay away from this film. Its scarring runs deeper than Adam’s, and it doesn’t even have abs.

[slytherinknowitall]

Potion Fumes and Cauldron Leaks

Chapter 9: Girl Talk

(Click here for chapter 8!)

(Click here to start from the beginning!)

Disclaimer: I don’t own the “Harry Potter” book series. The story of “Harry Potter” is the property of J. K. Rowling, it is not my intellectual property. There is no financial gain made from this nor will any be sought. This is for entertainment purposes only.

“Hermione, would you mind if Ron and I go now? Not to be rude, but we have Quidditch practice and … you know,” Harry said sheepishly.

Hermione couldn’t help but smile. For her birthday, Ginny and the boys had surprised her with a truly lovely evening. They had caught her after Transfiguration class and brought her to her private chambers which had been decorated using a seemingly completely random assortment of silly and rather tacky Muggle party supplies. As a result, the four of them were now sitting in her small bedroom amidst an explosion of colourful balloons, gigantic honeycomb balls made of flimsy tissue paper as well as lots and lots of cheap, glittering plastic streamers.  There was even a cheesy banner hanging on one of the walls that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMIONE! XOXO in big, bold letters. How her friends had orchestrated all of this, she did not know. Even after some intense questioning on her part, they had refused to disclose how exactly they had managed to gain access to the password-protected Head Girl Tower without her knowledge; however, Hermione had the sneaking suspicion that a certain free elf may or may not have had something to do with it.

Naturally, the trio also hadn’t forgotten to shower her in gifts, all of which were now neatly stacked on her dresser, right next to all of the other presents she had already received earlier during the day: a beautiful bouquet of fragrant wildflowers from Neville, a rather peculiar-looking necklace and a handmade card from Luna, and a parcel filled with an abundance of merchandise from the newest Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes product range, courtesy of Fred and George. Needless to say, Hermione wasn’t planning on touching or especially using any of the joke items, but she still greatly appreciated the thought.

The newest additions to this small collection were a small, round bottle of fairly pricey perfume from Ginny, a fluffy scarf made of thick, mulberry-coloured wool with a matching beanie and half-mittens from Ron (though Hermione thought it likely that he hadn’t actually bought them but rather had them made by his warm-hearted mother) as well as an expensive quill set from her favourite stationary store in Diagon Alley and an interesting book about wizarding tattoos – which were permanently charmed upon application and therefore moved across sections of the body similar to the way magical photos or paintings did on canvas – from Harry. The Muggle-born had almost let out a little laugh when realising that it was the exact same volume that she herself had purchased from Tomes and Scrolls only a few months prior and that was now sitting on one of her shelves in this very room. Not that she would ever tell him – it was the gesture that counted, after all!

“No worries,” Hermione said. “Of course you can go! I know how important this last season is for the both of you.”

“And besides,” the youngest Weasley chimed in. “Hermione and I need some time to ourselves for a long overdue girl talk anyway! With all this school work and stressing out about Quidditch, we really haven’t had the chance to chat in like forever. I’m sure you won’t mind me missing out on one training session, right?” she asked, as if they hadn’t already hashed all of this out beforehand.

“Not at all,” Harry answered lovingly before moving in to give her a quick peck on the lips, with Ron demonstratively looking the other way. After having the weight of constant threats and fear for the lives of his loved ones lifted from his shoulders following the end of the war, it seemed as though the young wizard with the famous lightening scar was finally feeling comfortable enough to have a normal and out-in-the-open relationship with his redheaded sweetheart.

The two boys then hugged the birthday girl goodbye before making a swift exit. As soon as the door shut behind them, Ginny turned to Hermione with the biggest grin on her face; it almost made the freckles on her rosy cheeks look like they were dancing.

“We finally did it, Hermione!” she exclaimed excitedly.

Absentmindedly picking at the remaining crumbs of a cake that had once read Sweet Eighteen, the older girl frowned in confusion. “Who did what?” she asked.

“Harry and I! You know …” Her expression turned cheeky.

“Oh … OH!” The nature of the topic instantly made the witch feel awkward. “Um, well, that’s great for you, Gin!”

“Thank you! Oh Hermione, it was absolutely wonderful! We sneaked out late night on Saturday and met up in the Room of Requirements. I don’t know what Harry asked for exactly, but he definitely aced it! The whole room was decorated with rose petals and floating candles; and there was a huge canopy bed and even a fireplace! I can’t even begin to tell you how long I’d been waiting for this moment and it turned out just perfect! Harry was so gentle and …”

Hermione listened to her babble on with only half an ear. She was happy for her best friend, of course; but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel a little sullen. With the majority of her teenage years having been spent cramming for exams while trying to keep Harry alive and out of trouble, she had never had the time for any romantic escapades. In her juvenile blindness, Gilderoy Lockhart had been her first heartthrob and she had even harboured a small crush on Sirius Black for a while. A quick snog with Viktor Krum underneath the Quidditch Pitch bleachers during the night of the Yule Ball, however, had been the most action she’d ever had. While most people – including Harry, Ginny and probably even Ron himself – still seemed to think that she and the Gryffindor Keeper would someday end up together, Hermione had ruled out that scenario a long time ago. She loved the boy dearly, but he would never be more than a good friend to her; they were just too different. She needed someone more mature – someone who put as much emphasise on intellect and academics as her. But did someone like that even exist in the first place?

“… And I’m just so happy right now! I really feel like our relationship has been taken to a whole new level.” Ginny paused for a second. “Anyway, enough of me. Now tell me what’s been going on in the life of Hogwarts’ smartest smartass.”

“Hey!” Hermione proclaimed exasperatedly, but she did have to giggle when she saw the redhead’s smug expression – her friends had all figured out a long time ago how to rile her up using foul language. “Well, not much really. I’ve just been studying, fulfilling my duties as Head Girl, doing my lessons with Professor Snape and –“

“Galloping gargoyles! I’d totally forgotten about you and that slimy bastard!” the younger girl shouted, ignoring her shocked and appalled look. “You know, I still can’t believe that you chose him as your tutor! I mean, I’m already having a hard time with how strict McGonagall is being with me, and she can’t be even half as bad as that minger. How are you holding up?”

“It’s really not that bad. I mean, yes, he does make me work hard, but I knew that going in. And quite frankly, a big workload is not the worst thing – I do want to improve my brewing skills, after all. Plus, I do think that all of you have a completely wrong impression of Professor Snape. It’s true that he’s quite stern and almost cold sometimes, but he was a true hero during the war; you know that as well as I do. And after allowing me to work in his private lab and giving me that amazing birthday gift, I really don’t believe that –“

“WHAT?” Ginny’s outcry was so intense that her hazel eyes bulged to an abnormal extent. “Private lab? Birthday gift?! What the hell? You haven’t even been working with that plonker for a month and you already seem to be talking about a completely different Snape than me!”

Hermione was more than a little irritated at being interrupted yet again, but she decided to let it slide. “Merlin’s beard, Ginny, calm down! Yes, we are both talking about the same Professor Snape; and yes, he still is the same snarky and spiteful wizard as always. More importantly, however, it wasn’t like he invited me into his laboratory voluntarily. The Hospital Wing was in desperate need of medicine, but the Potions classroom was occupied – so he didn’t really have a choice but to have us use his personal workspace to brew.”

“Hmm, I guess that makes sense. It’s still a bit weird, though.” There was a brief moment of silence. “Wait … Wouldn’t his private lab be inside his personal quarters?”

When she didn’t answer immediately, the ginger-haired adolescent started jumping up and down excitedly on the bed. “By Salazar’s balls, Hermione! I cannot believe you entered the Dungeon Bat’s private chambers and lived to tell the tale! How does it look down there? Is it true that he has every single mirror covered with a piece of cloth so that he doesn’t have to see his own ugliness, just like Charlie used to want me to believe? Oh, you have to tell me everything!”

She rolled her eyes. “Just stop it. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I had to promise him not to tell a soul anyway. So don’t even try to squeeze any specifics out of me!”

“Oh, come on! You can’t lure me with such a scandalous story and then leave out all the juicy details! You will tell me, even if I have to force you!” And with those words, she dropped to her knees, grabbed one of the bed’s many pillows and started hitting her friend with it ruthlessly.

“OUCH! Hey, Ginny, stop it! AH!” Hermione tried dodging the cushioned weapon, but it was to no avail. “Okay, okay, stop bothering me already! You really are something, Ginevra Weasley – it’s quite mean of you to treat me in such a way on my birthday, you know!” she exclaimed before hastily fixing her now messed-up ponytail. “I will tell you, but not before you promise me not to tell anyone, not even Harry! Professor Snape would kill me if he found out that I dared to blab.”

The redhead was beaming following her victory. “Pinky promise!”

Hermione audibly sighed before proceeding. “Well, his rooms are definitely not what you would expect. I didn’t view them in their entirety, of course; but from what I could see, there wasn’t a speck of Slytherin colours anywhere. It didn’t feel like a dark and gloomy dungeon space either. His sitting room is filled with hundreds upon hundreds of books, some of which I have never even heard of, Gin! Oh, how I wish I could just go back and browse for a few hours! A few of the books seem to be centuries-old originals that were written by hand and –“ She stopped herself when she noticed the annoyed look on the other girl’s face. “Anyway, it’s actually quite cosy down there; he even has a fireplace. And yes, there was a mirror, without any cloth in sight. That’s about it, really. There were some doors leading to other rooms, but he understandably directed me into the laboratory rather quickly. I know that you’re not that into brewing, but let me tell you that even you would be amazed by that place. So much amazing machinery and such rare ingredients! Oh, I could go on forever!”

“Yeah, yeah, please spare me the details. I couldn’t care less about his silly collection –“ Ginny skilfully overlooked her friend’s glare. “The interesting part is that you’ve actually been inside his private chambers. That’s absolutely insane! Just wait until Harry and Ron find out, we’ll be able to play so many awesome pranks on that git! Next time you go –“

“No, Ginny! I told you, you cannot tell anybody!”

“But –“

“NO! No ifs, ands or buts – just stop! You promised me, remember? I don’t think I’ll ever have the chance to go back anyway. Besides, after receiving that terrific gift from him yesterday, I really ought to be thankful rather than play any mean tricks on him.”

To beat her to another overemotional outburst, Hermione quickly recounted Dumbledore’s surprise visit and explained the tradition of giving gifts to one’s apprentice to celebrate them becoming another year older.

“So McGonagall will give me a birthday gift, too?” Ginny asked eagerly. The Head Girl confirmed with a brief bob of her head. “Sweet! But what did the old bugger get you anyhow?”

Hermione furled her eyebrows in distaste before using the Summoning Charm on her new most prized possession and handing it to the girl.

“Huh? It just looks like some old book that’s about to fall apart,” Ginny said, clearly disappointed by the worn object laying on her lap.

“I know that it may not look like much, but it’s the exact opposite. This here,” Hermione lifted the book so that it was on eye-level. “– is one of the most infamous wizarding works ever created. It’s so rare that not even the Ministry possesses a copy of it. Gin, this book is priceless – it’s easily worth more than the net worth of all current and past Quidditch players in the entire world combined!”

Finally understanding the severity of the situation, Ginny gasped. “And Snape still gave it to you?! Why in Merlin’s name would he do something like that?”

“I honestly don’t know. Such a gift would already be considered excessive even if we were friends, so I don’t understand at all why he would give it to me despite his obvious hatred towards me.” She heaved a sigh. “I’ve been racking my brain all day trying to come up with a way to properly thank him, but I don’t think I would even know what to say. I mean, this is the most amazing thing that anyone’s ever done for me!”

(Click here for chapter 10!)

[ciathyzareposts]

The Black Gate Bonus: The Books of Britannia

One of many in-game books that make in-jokes and build lore.

         I’d have to look through my notes to see what game first offered full-text books–not as plot devices but just as random background flavor and world-building. It might have been Ultima VI. But even if they appeared in earlier games, Ultima VII is the first game to treat them this extensively, with at least a couple of dozen different titles found on desks, nightstands, and bookcases throughout the homes and workplaces of the Britannian people. The castle alone had more than 15 different books.

     Ultima VII admittedly doesn’t do as well with its books as many later titles. Many of them are goofy, or simply analogues of real-world titles, and not the world-building tomes that we find in, say, The Elder Scrolls series, the Infinity Engine games, or The Witcher series. Still, they’re fun and deserve some additional attention and analysis.

I thought I’d use this entry to organize that analysis, adding new books as I find them. I’m excluding some “plot” books that don’t have much text (like Morfin’s register of venom sales). I’ll add notes to future entries when this one has been updated. The books I’ve found so far are:   The Apothecary’s Desk Reference by Fetoau. A book that accurately describes which potions have which effects. Very useful.

The Art of the Field Dressing by Creston, with a forward by Lady Leigh. It has some advice about cutting cloth into strips to bandage wounds, something that actually works in the game. While Lady Leigh is later found in the game, I don’t believe Creston is.

The Bioparaphysics of the Healing Arts by Lady Leigh. The bible for in-game healers. I believe Lady Leigh will be found later in Serpent’s Hold.

The Book of the Fellowship by Batlin of Britain. The first page of the game manual–the one time it makes sense for a real-life book to appear in the game.

Chicken Raising by Daheness Gon. A relatively useless instruction manual for raising chickens and producing eggs. The anatomical advice seems accurate, but I’m not sure how it helps in-game. Found on the shelf of a farmhouse, which makes sense.

Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang by Ian Fleming. The real-life 1964 book by the author better known for creating James Bond. Lead Ultima VII writer Raymond Benson later went on to become the official James Bond writer from 1997-2002.            

With a couple of syllabic substitutions, this could easily have been a James Bond title.

          Collected Plays by Raymundo. An anthology of plays by the guy who runs the theater in Britain. Play titles include Three on a Codpiece, The Trials of the Avatar, The Plagiarist, Clue, and Thumbs Down. “Raymundo” is the in-game avatar of lead writer Raymond Benson, and at least three of these plays are real plays written by Benson. Clue is a 1977 musical based on the board game–a full 8 years before the Tim Curry film. The Plagiarist and Thumbs Down are more obscure; I’m not sure when or if they were ever staged, but they were published as short stories by Amazon Shorts in 2006. Three on a Codpiece is described in-game as a performance art piece in which audience members “tear an undergarment into tiny pieces, after which they are placed in funeral urns and mixed with wheat paste . . . then the audience may glue the pieces anywhere on [the actor’s] body that they wish.” One Ultima site suggests this might be a reference to Yoko Ono’s Cut Piece (1965).

A Complete Guide to Britannian Minerals, Precious, and Semi-Precious Stones by B. Ledbetter. The book discusses some of Britannia’s natural resources, including veins of gold and lead. It is notable for a paragraph on blackrock, a “recently discovered” substance with little practical use, rumored to have a “profound effect” on magic. This will of course become a major part of the game’s plot. I don’t believe Ledbetter appears in-game. I thought it would be funny if it was the guy who runs the jewelry shop in Britain, but his name is Sean.

The Day It Didn’t Work by R. Allen G. A collection of essays about “overseeing a group of well-meaning misfits in a mechanical environment.” An obvious joke about Richard Allen Garriott and the staff at ORIGIN.                Everything an Avatar Should Know about Sex. This book is blank after the title page. Ho-ho-ho. Or maybe it’s not a joke and it’s foreshadowing the upcoming unicorn encounter.

            The Honorable Hound inn register. The guest list for this Trinsic inn has four recent names: Walter of Britain, Jaffe of Yew, Jaana, and Atans of Serpent’s Hold. Jaana is of course the Avatar’s companion going back to Ultima IV. I don’t believe the others are ever seen or heard from in the series.

How to Conquer the World in Three Easy Steps by Maximillian the Amazingly Mean. The ravings of a “megalomaniac cleric.” He plans to acquire VAS CORP (“Mass Kill”), which he thinks will make everyone fear him, and that not even Lord British himself is immune. I’m pretty sure that Lord British survives a VAS CORP (which is a real spell). Lord British doesn’t even die from VAS CORP IN BET MANI (“Armageddon”). Also, there are no “clerics” in this setting. As an aside, I wonder if employees of Vascorp Network Solutions know that to a portion of the public, their name means “Mass Death.”

Hubert’s Hair-Raising Adventure by Bill Peet. A real 1969 children’s book by a real author. It tells in rhyme how the proud lion Hubert had his mane scorched in a series of escalating misadventures. We learned about its presence in Britannia in Ultima VI, where Lord British spent every night reading it to Sherry the Mouse. I don’t know which idea is worse: that the adolescent Lord British was carrying the book while hiking through the English countryside, or that he later went back for it.              

It’s good that Lord British has priorities.

            Jesse’s Book of Performance Art by Jesse. A “controversial and eccentric Britannian actor” who has published a book of “scripts” for performance artists and argues that performance art is basically the same thing as acting. Jesse is an NPC in Britain who jokes about playing the Avatar and having only three lines: NAME, JOB, and BYE.

Key to the Black Gate. A cluebook to the game, found within the game (but without any of the actual text). Probably meant as a subtle in-game advertisement. Can you imagine needing a cluebook to solve this game?             

A crummy commercial?!

             Lord British: The Biography of Britannia’s Longtime Ruler by K. Bannos. The biography frankly acknowledges that Lord British is from another world. I wasn’t sure that was public knowledge until now. He entered Britannia through a moongate and became one of the rulers of the eight kingdoms of Sosaria. The people proclaimed them the king after he successfully dealt with Mondain, Minax, and Exodus. The book recounts his role in Ultima IV and Ultima V but ends just as the gargoyles become a threat in Ultima VI. Unfortunately, the text also re-affirms the idea that the Avatar is the same hero as the one who defeated Mondain, Minax, and Exodus–the dumbest retcon ORIGIN ever introduced.,           

Part of Lord British’s bio. A party of Fuzzies defeated Exodus and nobody can convince me otherwise.

              Mempto Rays: A Qualitative Study in Metaparaphilosophical Radiation by Mempto. Some rantings about Britannia always being bombarded by radiation “lethal to all non-living matter.” Probably meant as a send-up of pseudo-science in the modern world.

No One Leaves by R. Allen G. This sequel to The Day It Didn’t Work is a humorously-phrased paragraph about missed deadlines and forced overtime.

No Way to Jump by Desmonth. A treatise on tropes found in adventure stories. This is probably another in-joke about game development. After all, Ultima VII, for all its realism, does not allow the Avatar to jump. The issue continues into the present day and is found on TV Tropes as “The Insurmountable Waist-Height Fence.” Note that Ultima VIII does feature jumping and jumping puzzles.

On Acting by Laurence Olivier. Philosophical notes on acting “written by a noted thespian of a distant land.” The text notes that it was apparently “one of the many brought to Britannia by Lord British.” Why was the kid hiking with half a library on his back? Anyway, Sir Laurence did in fact publish a book of this title in 1986.

Play Directing: Analysis, Communication, and Style by Francis Hodge. A “respected textbook” written by “an eminent professor emeritus from a university in a distant land.” It is in fact a real-world book, published in 1971 by a professor at the University of Texas at Austin. Probably someone that Raymond Benson or someone on the staff at ORIGIN (which was based in Austin) knew. Hodge passed away in 2008.

The Salty Dog inn register. This inn and tavern in Paws lists seven recent visitors: Addom of Yew, The Avatar, Jalal of Britain, Tim of Yew, Blorn of Vesper, Sir Dupre, and Penelope of Cove. Addom is a traveling merchant who later shows up in Moonglow and plays a role in that city’s plot. To my knowledge, Jalal and Penelope never appear in the game, although I think Jalal appears in another register. Tim of Yew is also an unknown (there was a bard named Tim in Ultima V but he’d be long-dead). Blorn is an anti-Gargish racist who we later find in Vesper. The idea that Dupre recently visited a tavern is entirely within his character. The most disturbing entry is that someone is wandering around passing himself off as “The Avatar.”

Thou Art What Thee Eats by Fordras. A nutritional analysis that pre-dates the Atkins crazy by suggesting meats and vegetables ahead of carbohydrates. The author recommends certain foods in order, and I think it roughly corresponds with how filling those foods are in-game. 

The Transitive Vampire by Karen Elizabeth Gordon. This is a real book by a real author, originally published in 1984. As best I can tell, it’s a real book about English grammar and syntax, but all the examples are vampire-themed and there are vampire illustrations. If there’s something deeper going on, someone’s going to have to tell me. I suppose if it actually gets people to read a book on grammar, there are no bad ideas.             

Go figure.

           Tren I, II, III, IV . . . XVII. An autobiography by “the obtuse mage” which “reveals Tren’s life in all of his incarnations as he continually strove to possess more powerful beings.” As far as I know, we never meet a mage called Tren, nor do we ever see an application of magic that involves possession of beings. 

Up Is Out by Goodefellow. A treatise on gravity and mass, including “falling apples.” It’s a clear analogue to Isaac Newton, but I otherwise don’t know if the title and author are a reference to anything. If Goodefellow is an actual Britannian trying to research physics, his life is going to be rough.

Vargaz’s Stories of Legend. This anonymous book is subtitled Reasons Why One Should Never Build Doors Facing North or West. The book has two stories, one about a plague of locusts foretold by Father Antos (Ultima II and IV) which destroyed houses with north-facing doors. The other tale suggests that monsters fleeing sunlight are more likely to flee east and thus invade houses with west-facing doors.

The Wayfarer’s Inn register. This tavern in Britain lists five recent guests: John-Paul of Serpent’s Hold, Horffe of Serpent’s Hold, Featherbank of Moonglow, Tarvis of Buccaneer’s Den, and Shamino. I later found Shamino shacking up with an actress, so he probably only had to stay for one night. I don’t believe Tarvis or Featherbank appear in the game, but John-Paul is in fact the ruler of Serpent’s Hold and Horffe is his Gargish captain of the guard.

What a Fool Believes by P. Nolan. The book only has a brief paragraph, describing it as “the story of a bard, a blonde, and a bottle . . . a classic tale of the war between the sexes.” There’s a song of this name, of course, recorded by the Doobie Brothers and Aretha Franklin among others, but it doesn’t mention a blonde or a bottle and has no association with anyone named “Nolan” (although, in a weird twist, the R&B artist Nolan Porter did cover the song, but not until 2011). 

The Wizard of Oz by Frank L. Baum. The real book from the real world, except that in the real world, the author is L. Frank Baum. It is given a quick summary in-game. I assume it’s in Lord British’s castle because I stole it for him as part of an Ultima VI side-quest.

         source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/the-black-gate-bonus-the-books-of-britannia/

[megairishrose]

Flaws Stitched Together With Good Intentions chapter 26: Chain of command

It was an interesting bunch to say the least. But Amelia looked past all the odd creatures to search for what she referred to earlier as her "backup."

She noticed Claude and Sikes first, they were classy as usual. And they all noticed her at the same time and they seemed to fight to get to get to her first.

Percival, being the tallest and most imposing, won. He gathered Amelia into a tight hug. "Good to see you, now how much trouble did you get yourself into this time?"

Back at the town hall, Neal leaned over to Emma. "I can't hear what they are saying."

Emma nodded, curious at what would be said. She waved her hands and now everything Amelia and her friends said would be heard back in the town hall.

"About the same as always." She answered before accepting a shoulder squeeze from Claude.

"I thought we told you to be careful when dealing with the Horned King. You don't listen, do you?" He remarked.

"I just bit off more than I could chew. But I'm glad you all showed up." She honestly had never been so happy to see a bunch of villains before.

"Your guardian spirit was very persistent to get us to come here and being help. She actually scared my friends." Pierre commented. He finally got to hug Amelia.

Sikes stood a few feet away. "You only care that we brought help." He said.

"No, I honestly missed you guys. But given the current situation, what did you bring me?" Amelia did want to catch up with them but there would be a time for that later, maybe.

The gargoyles are from me." Claude pointed to a few hundred stone statues that suddenly came to life. They loudly roared and bared sharp teeth. It was impressive to say the least.

"Obviously the spirits, or friends from the other side are from me." Pierre directed her attention to the ground and the buildings. There were shadows of creatures that Amelia couldn't even name. She had always heard Pierre refer to his friends from the other side but had never met them.

Then something heavy knocked into her back. She spun around to be face to beck with a large griffin. "Hey Bucky, you came too?" Amelia actually snuggled the creature. It made a grunt but it sounded happy.

"And there's more where he came from." Percival stated.

"Saving the best for the last, are we?" Sikes stepped forward and pointed to a miss matched army behind him. "Highly trained mercenaries, completely loyal to me…"

"So you brought me an army?" Amelia said sweetly.

"I am letting you borrow the army." He said seriously, and then he smiled. "They are fully at your command, Bernadette."

"Wait… wait Sikes," A solider stepped forward with an arrogant attitude. "You never said nothing about taking orders from a little woman. Women don't belong on the battle field, they belong in bed, preferably on her back."

Back at the town hall, Killian and Robin had to grab Neal to stop him from rushing across the street and ripping out a throat.

Now Amelia knew as a fact that her surrogate fathers would never let someone talk to her with such blunt disrespect. She saw Percival already advancing with his daggers in hand and Claude was actually cracking his knuckles. Amelia was thankful that Neal was out of earshot. She could handle herself. She stepped between Percival and Claude, placing a hand on their shoulders. "I got this." Amelia walked up to the disrespected soldier with a sweet smile plastered on her face.

"Hello there darling, I suggest getting out of here and finding somewhere quiet. Taking orders is so much better than giving them…" He would have said more but Amelia plunged her hand into his chest and pulled out his heart.

Neal turned to his father. "You're a horrible influence."

"I don't take orders; I barely take suggestions." She said softly before turning to the rest of the army. "Now I'm going to explain how things work in my town. I give the orders, all of the orders. You were given to me; basically you are a gift that I can command to do anything I want. If anyone has an issue with taking orders from a little woman, as this poor unfortunate soul described me as, by all means leave. I will not hold it against you. Does anyone else have an issue with the chain of command?" She still had a crazy commanding side and she loved it. There was no answer. "So does that mean you will fight for me?" She asked and was greeted with a yell of approval. Amelia turned to the heartless man. "And what about you?" She gave his heart the tiniest squeeze.

"I will fight for you." He answered, a drop of sweat appeared on his forehead.

"Good choice." Amelia stuck his heart back in and walked to her friends who were staring at her shocked.

"I don't want to sound terrified but where did you learn that trick?" Pierre asked.

"The Dark One or the Evil Queen, take your pick." Amelia answered casually.

"Look at that, our little girl moved on to bigger and badder villains. I'm impressed." Claude remarked.

"Actually, they will both be family eventually." If they made it, big if. Amelia began to walk back to the town hall and the rest of the make shift army. But she suddenly stopped. She looked down and saw a spirit holding her ankle.

"Bernadette, you can't just say something like that and not expect questions from us." Sikes kept calm somehow. How could the Dark One and the Evil Queen be family? They were villains who should be avoided at all costs. What was Bernadette thinking?

Amelia turned around. "We can walk and talk, can't we?" She began walking quite fast to the town hall, hearing heavy footsteps behind her. "The Dark One will be my father in law and the Evil Queen is my future step son's adopted mother. I have a war council set up in the town hall"

"War council? You really have this all figured out, don't you? And when this is all over, we are talking about your new extended family." Percival said.

"It's on the job training." They entered the town hall. "Okay, quick introductions. Guys, this Percival, Claude, Sikes, and Pierre, my surrogate fathers back in the Enchanted Forest. This is Emma, Killian, Mary Margaret, David, Regina, Robin, Henry, Gold, Belle…" Amelia continued to name everyone in the town hall, ending with "And Neal is my fiancé."

The four men sized Neal up. He was going to marry their little girl?

"Listen here, if you ever hurt her in any way shape or form, we will destroy you." Percival threatened him.

"You mean destroy whatever is left of me after she's done?" Neal asked calmly.

Not the answer they were expecting but it was the correct answer. Percival nodded and turned back to Amelia. "I approve." She received accompanying nods from the others.

"Okay, are we done here? We have an undead army coming." Amelia tapped her fingers on the table.

Pierre turned around to face her. "Army of the undead? What are you talking about? What did you do, Bernadette?"

"Did you listen to our advice? We gave you three simple instructions before you went to Prydain. Don't die, don't kill anyone, don't do anything stupid." Claude was livid.

Amelia wanted to hide behind Neal, he would protect her from them. But she didn't need to, Robin stood up for her.

"Gentleman, what's done is done, now we have to deal with the consequences. What matters most is that Amelia is safe and alive. Can we agree on that?"

Low grunts and nods were around the room. Amelia mouthed 'thank you' to Robin. He nodded back.

Plans were laid out. According to Percival he saw a mass of creatures heading from the south and would be in the town limits in two hours, tops.

Everyone stayed close together for the most part, they did not want to break into groups, they wanted to stay united as a town, and as a family.

Emma was then at Amelia's side. "Your town?" There was the slightest bit of a joke in her voice. Of course the sheriff was going to question the librarian's sudden ownership of the town. Was Regina next?

"My problem?" Amelia corrected herself.

"Our town, our problem. Our family." Emma said, she was completely open and willingly to have a family who cared about each other.

If this was what it took to make Emma finally feel like she belonged, so be it. Amelia wanted to hug Emma. And she did.

Pierre, Sikes, Percival, and Claude ended up standing in a corner, just studying the group Bernadette had gathered. They had noticed Prince Charming and Snow White, Robin Hood, the Evil Queen, the Dark One. Bernadette had some interesting heroes on her side but also some powerful villains. What had made them go to the good side? Was Bernadette the reason, or maybe part of the reason? Wait, she wasn't Bernadette anymore, what was she called now? Amelia, was it? They weren't sure the name suited her, but who were they to judge?

Then they noticed a certain person, someone they knew as a villain and, as a surrogate father, the very worst kind of villain.

Claude noticed the hook first. "Captain Hook? You're on the good side now? What changed your mind?"

Killian looked up at the group of four men. They were the reason Amelia was the way she was. So he was grateful but at the same time, slightly scared. "Yes, I had a change of heart and now I'm helping a friend." Killian answered honestly.

"A friend? Bernadette is a friend?" Pierre asked.

"Aye, she is." Killian did not want to go into detail about the nature of their relationship.

"Your ways with the ladies is almost legendary. Good thing our Bernadette was too smart to fall for your tricks." Sikes gave Killian a look that rooted the pirate to the ground.

Killian slightly paled. A silent Percival was playing with a dagger as a threat. Killian franticly looked around the room and caught Amelia's wide eyes and she was barely shaking her head. "Right, Bernadette was too smart." He lied through his teeth.

"Most maidens are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves in my experience, at least the ones worth something in any case." Percival commented, meaning every word.

Killian nodded, he agreed full heartedly.

Amelia sat in Neal's lap, her mind was in turmoil. She wasn't sure what was going to happen. There are so many possibilities and none of them ended well. Some had slightly better outcomes than others but all horrible nonetheless. She had to reach in the deepest, more ancient part of herself, her essence, in order to calm her nerves and the demons in her head.

It was the calm before the storm. It wasn't long before the call to arms sounded throughout the hall.

"The army is here! The army is here!" Leroy yelled at the top of his lungs from the door.

"The town crier strikes again." Killian chuckled humorlessly.

Amelia stood up, Neal followed suit. David took charge and began to march the troops out to meet the enemy.