#joel is losing it. chat is losing it. i am losing it

[elliespassagerprincess]

Hii omg live for you're work

Could I maybe request loser ellie fluff/nsfw hcs

Headcannos: loser!ellie williams x reader

Part 1 part 2

Sfw:

☆ Loser Ellie who doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, and who gets nervous when someone she doesn’t know talks to her for longer than 5 minutes.

☆ Loser Ellie who spots you at a party and who instantly wanted to talk to you.

☆ Loser Ellie who tries talking to you the whole night but ends up on chickening out.

☆ Loser Ellie who accidently bumps into you and drops her drink on you.

☆ Loser Ellie who keeps apologizing without making eye contact.

“What the fuck you!” yelled as you felt a cold liquid run down your body. Ellie looked at you in shock.

The pretty girl. Fuck.

“i-im sorry” she stuttered as she looked at her feet, too embarrassed to make eye contact with you.

“It’s ok” you spoke softly as you put your hand on her shoulder.

Her head snapped up to where your hand was. Ellie’s jaw dropped at the touch.

“I Ellie” she spoke quickly.

You raised your eyebrows confused.

“I Ellie?” You don’t remember asking her name, and why the fuck isn’t she talking English properly?

A pink blush spread across Ellie’s cheeks. This is humiliating.

“I am Ellie- like my name. I’m Ellie. Hey!...yeah, that’s my name Ellie…” She rambled on.

☆ Loser Ellie who wants to die after that interaction, but at least she knew your name.

☆ Loser Ellie who somehow finds your Instagram and who stalks you daily.

☆ Loser Ellie who practically drools every time you post something.

☆ Loser Ellie who doesn’t have the balls to follow you on her main, so she made a separate account.

☆ Loser Ellie who almost pisses herself, when she saw you sent her a DM on her main.

☆ Loser Ellie who realized that Dina was the one who took her phone and DM’d you on her behalf because she was tired of Ellie constantly looking at your pictures.

With shaky hands Ellie opened the chat to see her message.

“Hey I’m the girl from the party! I got your Instagram from a friend, and I thought you were cute… Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Ellie groaned at the message, her eyes lowered down to see your response:

“Oh yeah! The girl that dropped some strange liquid on me:) I think you’re cute so yeah, I’d love to go”

☆ Loser Ellie who decides to take you on a picnic, and she planned the whole thing. She even made all the foods from scratch.

☆ Loser Ellie who spends 4 hours before the date on FaceTime with Dina, because she couldn’t pick an outfit.

☆ Loser Ellie who waits for you at the park and almost vomits with nerves when she sees you walking towards her.

☆ Loser Ellie who extends her hand out for a handshake, but you just rolled your eyes and brought her in for a hug.

☆ Loser Ellie who stays quiet, and barley looks at you because she was going to explode.

☆ Loser Ellie who loses her shit when you ask her about her tattoos.

☆ Loser Ellie who forgot this was a date and starts telling you all about space, tattoos and Joel.

☆ Loser Ellie who remembers this was a date and becomes all shy again.

“I’m sorry” she muttered looking down.

“For what?”

“talking so much”

“It’s ok, I like listening to you Ellie” you said with a smile.

☆ Loser Ellie who walks you all the way home.

☆ Loser Ellie who looks down to your lips hoping you’d make a move. You noticed and all you did was smirk, as you leaned forward to give her a kiss on the cheek.

☆ Loser Ellie who listened to your front door close, and she brings her fingers to the spot where you just kissed her.

☆ Loser Ellie who asks Dina to write you a texting, asking to go on another date.

Nsfw:

☆ Loser Ellie who was soaked when the two of you made out for the first time.

☆ Loser Ellie who didn’t know how to kiss you, so her hands were awkwardly on her lap as you helped her.

☆ Loser Ellie who’s hands you grab and put it on your waist.

Ellie pulled away heavily breathing, her hands still on your waist. “It’s ok if I touch you?” she asked unsure.

“Use me Ellie” you muttered as you kissed her again, and she most definitely moaned into your mouth after that.

☆ Loser Ellie who cums the first time she ate you out, and you didn’t even touch her.

☆ Loser Ellie who audibly gasped when she saw in a bra for the first time.

☆ Loser Ellie who likes to believe that she’s in charge because she’s on top, but in reality you’re telling her what to do.

☆ Loser Ellie who moans every time she gets a taste of you.

☆ Loser Ellie who loves it when you leave hickeys on her.

“My girl did this”

“yeah my girlfriend left these”

☆ Loser Ellie who’s too scared to ask for sex so she just kisses your neck and waits for you to say something.

☆ Loser Ellie who cums after 2 seconds when you first went down on her.

☆ Loser Ellie who touches herself to your pictures every night.

☆ Loser Ellie who humps her pillow imagining it was you.

☆ Loser Ellie who has a collection of your panties that she uses to get off on the nights you weren’t with her.

☆ Loser Ellie who gets wet when you smile at her.

☆ Loser Ellie who goes to the bathroom every time you come over because you were just so pretty.

☆ Loser Ellie who loves it when you praise her.

“yeah just like that baby”

“Fuck Els you’re doing great”

 ☆ Loser Ellie who wishes she could record your moans because they are so pretty.

Yeah she was a loser, and pathetic at times, but she was your pathetic loser.

[mcytblrconfessions]

some people really piss me off with the way their double standards for the creators. For example, I was rewatching the old Jimmy condensed streams and in the raft one he put a disclaimer at the start like “hey. we are all friends here. if a joke went to far it would be stopped. please don’t harass my friends over this” because people in chat/comments/whatever were hating on Grian, Joel, and fWhip for ‘bullying’ Jimmy, who ENCOURAGES it. which like?? everyone involved in that stream/video was an adult. They are all actual friends and have been for YEARS. if Jimmy was genuinely upset, the jokes would stop, because they are FRIENDS. they can handle problems themselves, but fans don’t think they can

and EVEN WORSE. EVEN. WORSE. when creators DO fix issues, people get pissed. I’m not sure which stream it was, I think it was GIGS (grian impulse scar skizz) lethal company, but Grian was very obviously not having fun. None of them knew how to play, they just kept dying and losing everything repeatedly, and that’s not an enjoyable thing! You could tell he did not like the game, and that’s FINE! they are playing those games TO HAVE FUN! So, understandably, they STOPPED, and moved onto Phasmophobia, a game they all like! Problem solved, literally none of the others minded or were really enjoying the game themselves

Is it okay to be a bit upset about the game change? Yes! 100%! I was excited they were playing lethal company, but when they stopped I was like “okay! Whatever’s best for them! If they’re not having fun, I won’t have fun watching it.”

Was it okay for there to be a war in chat about how Grian ruins every game with his complaining? NO!! If he wasn’t having fun, WHY WOULD THEY KEEP PLAYING, ESPECIALLY SINCE THEIR WHOLE GOAL IS TO HAVE FUN??

People assume the creators can’t fix problems for themselves and that they need to speak up for them, but when problems ARE fixed the person is a buzzkill and annoying and ruins everything? PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE THAT ARE THE REASON PEOPLE DONT SPEAK UP WHEN SOMETHING BOTHERS THEM!!

Maybe I’m a hater, but it pisses me off to NO END and I am SICK of it

[fountainpenguin]

Tango POV Session 3 highlights (My first POV this session, jumping in with no spoilers)-

Skizz: "I want a giant blinking heart in the sky" Tango: "Cool idea :) You're doing the redstone, right?" Skizz: ... Tango: "YOU'RE doing the redstone for that, right?"

Skizz: "While editing I was like... 'Am I a loser?' Tango: "No, no, no! It was well before editing that I realized that."

I do love the server dynamics that give us gems like Mumbo sprinting across the ground yelling about how he has a quick, urgent thing he needs to do... Just an average day in the death game.

slkdjf Tango and Skizz finally found someone just as desperate and needy as them... Enter the man who has been shunned for 3 seasons because of his boogeyman kill. We love a BigB!!

BigB: "Skizz, this might be time to point out my weak building skills-" Skizzleman: "Oh no, don't worry. That's why we've got ourselves a Tango!" Tango: /incoherent shrieking and denials

Tango assigned homemaker by the narrative.

So just to be clear, we've got Tango "I will teach you redstone and cheer you on" (Mansplain), we've got BigB "There is no hole in the mesa" (Manipulate), and Skizz "I built the base" (Malewife). Good for them.

Skizz: "At my IRL job when I had to create blinking lights, I literally had someone go back to the breaker and flip it."

Tango, to Cleo: "That's all we are! Cringe 'R' Us!"

sdlkfj Tango hugging and comforting Torchy over how scary Etho's water bucket attack was. "If he comes back, I will take care of this."

BigB: "I have an anvil." Tango and Skizz losing their minds: "BEST TEAMMATE EVER!"

Heart Foundation: "We will join forces and gift our hearts to a randomly selected person. Everyone will like and protect us; we are creating our own plot armor." Etho, immediately after receiving his hearts: "I am a huge fan. Sign me up. Whatever I need to do to stay on. I will let you use the enchanting table. I would be dead if it were not for the Heart Foundation."

Gem and Scott riding up on their zombie and skeleton horses would be SO terrifying. Can't wait to see the fanart of that sdfklj

Tango killed it this session, he did not cut corners in babbling to Torchy.

Gem: "I think your task is to remove light sources from the server." Tango: "That would be very incorrect." Tango as he sprints away, muttering to Torchy: "I know?? They were standing right by us and they didn't even notice??"

Torchy has such boogeyman tendencies, geez. Is this Leven Thumps; did we confine the spirit of the boogeyman to a piece of wood??

Tango, raiding someone's base: "You want to? We could."

I enjoy the new rule about Yellows having one chance to call people out on their task. I think this is a good move to up the tension and also encourage people to do it because you only get one shot per episode. Don't wanna waste it!

slkdjf @ Tango chatting with Etho, Etho susses out his task, so Tango immediately runs to Grian to confirm the rules. Grian tells him no problem, Etho's green so he's in the clear. Tango runs off crowing in laughter.

Lizzie: "I've heard some weird things about you." Tango: "We are excellent today." Lizzie: "That's the weird stuff I've been hearing."

?? Is Tango's official canon that redstone exposure turned his eyes red? Neat.

lksdjf Skizz seething about Impulse.

Tango: "What did he do?" Skizz: "His task was to find somebody who's got greater than 25 hearts and find a way to - air quotes - "accidentally" get them to lose 5 hearts. So he made sure I lost 20."

Yeah, that tracks.

Freaking goodness, Tango put his entire heart and soul into this invisible friend task.

Bdubs' globe is looking amazing <3

?? Etho running up to Joel and saying "I love you?" What is the context; looking forward to figuring that out.

Etho: "I love you." Joel: "Okay, I know you're obsessed with me, I saw you made me your thumbnail of your first episode, but come on..."

Called out at the end!!! Devastating!!!

That is the end, but what a great session. So much death...

[goldstargloww]

canary curse things. thinking about canary curse things

i'm hesitant to say the canary curse has been broken—what, no, of course it has been, jimmy died second instead of first, and the canary curse is all about dying first— okay hear me out i swear i make sense

my thought is that patterns can change. patterns aren't always static ones. just because something new happened this time around doesn't mean the pattern's been broken, it may have just changed its rules a bit.

joel had a pattern of having no true allies up until double or limited life, where it instead became a pattern of being isolated, for example

now, before we get into the canary curse specifically, let's talk about some other patterns

scott and martyn tend to drag themselves as well as their allies up the leaderboard. they both tend to outlive their allies. grian tends to kill his allies. ...i feel like i should put more here but that's all i can think of right now

now, the way i see it, is scott, martyn, and jimmy in particular all have some sort of weight to them. positive meaning they drag themselves and their allies up the leaderboard, negative meaning the opposite. scott and martyn have a positive weight, whereas jimmy has a negative one.

what i think's happened here is that martyn and jimmy's weights have tugged on each other, and as a result, martyn turned yellow and red first instead of much later on, and jimmy died second instead of first.

jimmy's pull is strong, i think, and so he tends to die first every time. just because he tends to die first every time doesn't make that a rule, though - it just makes it a pattern, one that's been broken. the pattern that hasn't been broken, though, is jimmy being one of the earliest to die, and jimmy dragging his allies down the leaderboard with him.

jimmy died first in 3rd life, and dragged scott down to 10th, and scott finally turned yellow right before jimmy died. jimmy died first in last life, and dragged mumbo down with him, and they were a similar color pretty much the whole time. jimmy died first in double life, and dragged tango down with him. jimmy died first in limited life, and joel died quickly after. jimmy died second in secret life, and dragged martyn's color down with him.

martyn, though, doesn't die yet, because of his positive weight. he's often tugged further up the leaderboard, and so while jimmy may drag his color down and martyn ends up first yellow and red, martyn still manages to stay afloat.

martyn is stubborn is the thing, lmao. he stays alive out of spite and just because he wants to, and so he does, and he makes sure he does. now that the stakes are higher and one wrong move could mean losing everything, he's being a lot more careful than he was earlier on.

and let me just reiterate for a second - he's stubborn. once he's got an idea, he's locked onto that idea until he gets it done or literally can't anymore. martyn will drive himself up the wall before he gives up on something and even then he'll need convincing or more likely a distraction. he didn't give up on ren in third life til he died and couldn't do anything anymore. he didn't give up on trying to kill scott in last life til he died and couldn't do anything anymore. he didn't give up on getting a diamond chestplate in secret life until he got it despite how much it cost him in the end. outside the life series, even, i'm rewatching rats right now- martyn will try to climb a wall over and over and over until he gets it or something gets in the way. he'll be texturing a model and complain to chat about how painful it is and still decide to spend the next hour and a half getting the damn thing done even though he should've logged off for bedtime 2 hours ago. (yes martyn i am calling you out, enjoy)

and so martyn doesn't die! he's yellow first, he's red first, and all other red names die, but martyn doesn't. because yeah, maybe he's impulsive, but he's in this for himself and himself alone and there's no way in hell he's dealing with a wither and a warden that's just killed three people. (he did try and steal the kill though. martyn do you remember what happened last time you tried to steal the kill, you fell into the void and died)

jimmy isn't as stubborn. jimmy's a lot more forgiving, a lot more lenient, and as much as he's being more aggressive this season, he's reckless about it and impulsive and his reputation isn't helping him here.

jimmy lets things happen to him. as upset as he might act about it, he never actually does anything about it, and it gets him killed. he's afraid to break the rules, he's afraid to make people uncomfortable or upset or hurt, he starts genuinely tearing up at the thought of pulling a bait and switch on skizz, and that's the kind of thing martyn does on a daily basis lmao

jimmy is forgiving and passive, martyn and scott don't forget so easily and aren't afraid to make people upset, grian's somewhere in between.

[sulatni-flerida11]

wild life session 3 (cleo, tango, and scar's povs)

SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS SNAILS OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM DEARLY they're all designed after the CCs :') i know they're deadly as HECK but genuinely that was stressful and entertaining and wow i am still in shock

JIMMY WHY WOULD YOU TAUNT DEATH BY CREEPER JIMMY WHY WHY WHY -

(about jimmy's death) "what moron would die to a creeper?" tango,,, oh tango,,, *double life and prev. wild life session flashbacks*

alright who gave tango some gifts of prophecy -

scar & lizzie thinking they're safe underground followed by lizzie's snail just BREAKING INTO THE SPAWNER ???? please you can hear it in their voices they're panicking 😭😭

4Gs (was it impulse that said it first) saying they're like snowbirds as they try to base closer to the rest of the server,,, more avian headcanons -

bdubs and scar's snails :') they DO look similar but bdubs has the wide grin and scar has the smirk that's so good - (more clockers brainrot but what if they were twins (cleo & etho i think say scar's the older one on stream so i'll roll with that))

impulse and pearl's deaths 😭😭 please a part of me wishes they get back to dark green next session but another part REALLY wants them to go red because,,, y'know,,, they do the stabbing and scott & cleo do the sweet talking,,,

etho and cleo showing each other their snails was a nice moment :') (sorry i'm a cletho girlie love me some divorced besties)

5Gs just doing a snail race from the forest up to the bamboozlers mountain :') they're like "yeah they can kill us but we can have fun with it :>"

etho walking up to impulse going all "i'm a tough guy !! >:] you don't want to try me !! >:]" and then cleo cuts in to his face with a diamond sword then goes "don't mess with my team mate" to ETHO SQUEALING ???? THEN GOING "i'm a tough guy i swear !!" HAHSJSJSHA man he's actually afraid of cleo 😭😭 your honor you were literally teamed with her in secret life calm down i thought it was a bit he does but really didn't mean it but no - (i like to think he got flashbacks to when cleo accidentally stabbed him with a sword in one of their secret life intros but this time they're not allied anymore so etho's genuinely like "oh they CAN stab me")

CLEO SCOTT AND IMPULSE WITNESSING ETHO BLOWN UP BY A CREEPER AFTER THE PREV 😭😭 LMAOOOO

TANGO BURNING BAMBOOZLERS BASE THEN JIMMY'S "TANGO NO I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!" as he tried to stop him,,, farewell ranchers love loses

SKIZZ KILLING SCAR BECAUSE JIMMY KILLED SKIZZ NOOOOO

SCAR WANTING TO END IT ALL WITH SCOTT AND LIZZIE PUSHING HIM AWAY FROM HIS SNAIL PLEASE this is the first wild life ep. i've seen from scar and he already sounds so done and wanting to kill skizz

TANGO WHY DID YOU JUST JUMP OFF THE TREEBARK BASE TO 1 HEART TANGO WHY WHY WHY - (i know i just said ranchers love loses but god these two are the CEOs of self-sabotage hey yall meet mr. "don't wanna die first from canary curse" and mr. "dies accidentally and unceremoniously ft. a bit of tnt")

"where's my snail -" *dies* *replays moment twice in video* tango i am cackling

"he's adorable and i hate his face" tango just summed up how all the lifers feel about their snails

joel's snail jumpscaring joel 😭😭

i know martyn told scar that he was thinking of brewing potions and etho told cleo, scott, and impulse about the trip to the nether but i didn't think they'd actually,,, brew potions and throw invis at a snail (see: eSCARgot)

scar helping jimmy with kills throughout the session,,,, turns out SCAR needs the kills more because he's frickin red now -

grian frantically typing in chat "END OF SESSION" the moment he realizes scar just went to red because his snail is invisible while skizz & tango are also red,,, (ngl i thought jimmy would be one of the red names but y'know this is way worst)

love cleo posing with their snail at the end of the session <3

fave snail designs: cleo, bigb, lizzie, scar, bdubs

[teddybearsandspaceships]

Again, way too detailed notes about a Cleo stream (15.3.2024) because it was great and I want to remember. (Please Cleo upload your VODs again please.) Featuring an Ancient City, Hermit scariness ratings, a new Emerald Daddy, and Life series reminiscing with the Clockers.

Plan for today: Ancient City raiding!, to get books

She´s definitely going alone because Ancient City raiding on her own is terrifying but you know what else is terrifying? The other people on the server.

The only person on the server Cleo is afraid of is False. Not Gem, Gem´s a kitten. False could take Cleo in a fight and kill her dead, but more importantly False can scare Cleo because she´s quite sinister. 5am Pearl is kinda cute. “can kill you, probably won´t,” if you entertain her. Cub isn´t scary either, the only thing to be scared of with Cub is the grind. Doc is 95% bark.

(In hindsight, finding a Swift Sneak II book so early is a tease knowing that it´ll be the only one.)

Chat is way more scared of the Ancient City than Cleo is. Worst that can happen, you summon a warden, you die, and your gear despawns, so what. Cleo thinks people are trying to freak her out and scare her into making mistakes.

This stream was right after or during Mumbo´s video on Hermits´ weird playing habits came out so there were plenty of questions about Cleo´s set-up. Cleo defends their choices, also they have a desk now.

Hypno drops by to show off his new armor and announce a raid. Cleo calls Cub her Emerald Daddy because he supplies her with emeralds.

Hypno drops off a shulker full of emerald blocks for Cleo, for free. Cleo then tells him he gets free books now. Hypno is astonished and delighted, and asks for a written voucher. Cleo writes him one and calls him Emerald Daddy too. Cleo: “Double Emerald Daddy, I´m good.”

Cleo won´t tell her fellow Hermits that they´re great to their faces because it would ruin her tough guy image.

Fun in chat: Etho sleeps. Bdubs: “sorry dad” Etho: “son I am at your place to give you a scolding” Bdubs: “be right up” – Cleo is sorry she saw that

Cleo discovers Joel´s glow ink shop and the glow squid Joel built from candles and is delighted. Joel is now her absolute favorite person. Armor stand buddies!

Taking advantage of the fact that all words are made up, Cleo makes a few more hoppadingdongs

Bdubs demands quiet because he and Etho are about to record one of their famous Bdubs-and-Etho clips. Cleo says they should get in a group. Etho: “Mum is so bossy, right Bdubs?” Bdubs: “She´s so bossy.” Cleo: […] *hits him* “Don´t talk to me that way.” Bdubs: “I´m sorry.” Cleo: “You will be.” Bdubs: “I´m sorry. That was a no-no, I´m sorry.” Etho: “Never talk back to your mummy.” Bdubs: “No, never.” Cleo: “Yeah, you two role-playing this thing again, it´s weird.” Etho, laughing: “You´re done with it, aren´t you, Cleo.” Cleo, also laughing: “I´m done with it. I was kind of done with it when it started, to be honest.” Bubs: “That shows your level of commitment.” Etho: “I feel like we move on from it and then Scar brings it up once in a while, and then Bdubs…” Cleo: “Me and Etho are kind of over it, so…” Bdubs: “Really? I saw Joel today and I thought, this is my uncle.” Etho: “Baby-sitter, right?” Cleo: “Cousin.”

Cleo offers to mute again but Bdubs asks her not to, having her there is great. Like audience chatter.

Bdubs shows Etho and Cleo his scaffolding challenge as his shop advertisement. Etho: “He´s so clever.” Cleo: “He is, he´s a genius. That´s our special boy.”

Bdubs starts his spiel: “You think you´re so cool…” Etho: “I thought I was…”

Bdubs wins the first game because Etho has trouble ringing the bell. And the second one. Cleo soon realizes that it´s easy to make Bdubs lose by sabotaging the scaffolding. Bdubs swears Etho and Cleo to secrecy about this easily exploitable weakness.

Cleo keeps talking about how wealthy they are. Very profitable shop, after all! (…true but I saw Cub´s stacks of diamond blocks the next day. Fear the grind.) Cleo bankrolled Etho already.

After a conversation about pricing Etho tells Cleo they have to teach Bdubs about peer pressure. Then remembers that “she doesn´t like it when we do that, we gotta stop.” Cleo says it´s fine. (Yay boundaries.)

Cleo asks Bdubs for a horse. Bdubs accuses Keralis of fraud (secretly swapping the horses people bought from him if they don´t buy the extended warranty.) Cleo asks if Keralis is gingering his horses. They talk about the meanings of the word, and why ginger is also used for red-heads. Etho: “Is it ´cause gingers are spicy?” Moment of silence. Cleo: “…sure?” Bdubs: “Yeah…” Etho: “I think we nailed it.”

Some talk abut spelling variations. “You can just say you don´t know how to spell, Etho, it´s fine.” And then talk about British dialects, how they drop the “t” in the middle of words (or phrases). Etho and Bdubs try to imitate it, badly. They don´t seem to understand what “in the middle of a word” means.

Shopping district talk, and some reminiscing about Shade-E-E´s. Cleo steered clear because she didn´t know Etho very well back then. Etho has a different glass prank in mind for this season. Etho and Bdubs also remember an end rod exchange thing they did, they neither remember what started it or how it ended. 

Cleo: “I feel like you´re not spiteful enough, Etho.” He lets too much go. Bdubs protests that Etho lets it go with him, because they have a history – Etho: that´s right – but to anybody else Etho is very spiteful. Cleo: He´s never been particularly spiteful to me, “and I deserve it.” Bdubs, dismissive: nah. Etho: “Well, to be fair, Cleo *builds up a dirt wall like he did between them in Third Life* I am kinda scared of you.” Both crack up. “You´re not necessarily who I wanna be poking.”

Cleo clarifies that the reason why False is the only one who scares her is because False is very quick on the insults. Cleo can be fast, but False can be faster. Bdubs: “Now I´m scared.”

Etho tells Bdubs the story of why he´s scared of Cleo: “I always viewed Cleo as, like, sweet, innocent, you know, quiet…” Cleo cracking up. It was because Cleo stole Pizza, for no reason. “She was laughing the whole time, like a crazy psycho.” Cleo: “It´s a llama.”  “I just thought it was interesting, I had a complete shift of what I thought of you at that moment.” Bdubs: “Yeah, she can do anything.” Bdubs was also shocked at that moment. They hadn´t talked about it, Bdubs just supported her in her plan to cause trouble. Stealing Pizza was more of a crime of opportunity because Scar didn´t want to talk to her and left Pizza there. “Bold move.” “It´s just Scar.” Etho reminds everyone that the Life series was fresh at that point, they know now that this sort of thing happens but they didn´t then. Cleo didn´t know most of the people in the series very well so she went full-on chaos gremlin. She blames Bdubs.

Etho repeats that that´s when his perspective on Cleo shifted. “And it never shifted back. Like, the more stuff she did, it just got further in that way.” Cleo can understand that: she got worse, as time went on, chaos-gremlin-wise. Etho: now we´re in season ten of Hermitcraft, she´s stealing villagers… Cleo points out that it wasn´t her idea, but admits that she fully embraced it. Etho isn´t sure he would have, Bdubs says he wouldn´t have. Cleo: “What´s Doc going to do to me.” Bdubs: “Uh, have you seen the sand dial?” Cleo: “Have you seen what´s inside it?” Bdubs, clearly grinning: “Oh, yes, yes.”

Scar is online and Bdubs invited him over to find out if he was actually upset about Cleo stealing Pizza. Scar arrives on his horse, but stays away a few blocks. Etho walks up to him: “You may approach, Scar.” Scar ender-pearls up to them. Bdubs asks how mad he was at Cleo over Pizza, Scar claims he was looking up tickets to the UK to seek his revenge. “Pizza meant more than I can express.” Does a whole sad monologue. Cleo and Etho think it was funny, Scar demands they take it back. Worse, and what also really threw Etho, when Scar asked Cleo to her face if she stole Pizza she denied it.

Cleo: “Yeah, but I´ve had my punishment now, ´cause now I´m your mother forever.” Scar just realized: “The family! What a wonderful moment.” Etho: “Out shopping together.”

Scar has to wait for Skizz to enforce rules in the shopping district, but Skizz is off on the high seas. Scar: “What if the boat went down.” “What the hell, Scar!” “That´d be awful!” Scar imagines it as, you float for a while, maybe see a shark, then get rescued in a helicopter. Cleo: you might see someone else die, while you survive ´cause you´re the main character. Scar asks after a Titanic character and is surprised Etho immediately knows her name because Etho is usually bad with movie references.

Cleo: “I would never do anything to you guys, you´re my family.” Bdubs: That´s sweet.” Scar: “That was sinister.” Etho: “Trolls us.” Cleo: “Correct.”

Scar got a tip to keep a horse from wandering off inside a circle of berries from an e-mail. Only the best things come from e-mails.

Bdubs tries to prove scaffolding superiority to Scar. Etho and Cleo support the pitch. Scar is disappointed by mom and dad. Etho and Scar agree to give it a try sometimes. Bdubs says Tango puts redstone on scaffolding sometimes, Etho is horrified. Etho shows them that you can use scaffolding to clutch a fall. Scar tries it because it would also work on leaves – unfortunately Etho forgot to tell him that you need to crouch and he dies. He´s not going to be happy, but ultimately it was clearly his own fault. It´ll take him a while to come back, Bdubs feels like he should go get him but Etho and Cleo need to leave.

[elliespuns]

hello! i’ve always enjoyed reading different perspectives and opinions on tlou. so, id like to know your opinion on this. when did you think joel started to really care for ellie during the first game? i’ve seen some people say when he looked down at his watch while she walked across the piece of wood, or when he arrived at tommy’s and she ran off with the horse.

anyways, id love to know your thoughts! i adore your blog!! 🥰

I'm also one of those who thinks that Joel started to care in the "can't deny the view" scene.

Because a few moments before he looks at his watch, there's this little scene where he tells Ellie to be careful when crossing the plank, and she looks at him, frowns, and does a little "Pssh" to let him know she's not scared of something so easy-peazy as stepping on a fucking plank, right, and I am convinced that in this moment he sees Sarah in her, because if this just isn't typical teenage girl's defiance that he knows too well.

And I think that's why he looks at his watch later after having a little chat with Ellie, because although he knows she's still this goofy kid, he also sees an intelligent and so damn talkative, kind girl, and if that doesn't remind him of a certain someone.

In the scene where Ellie runs off with the horse, I think Joel knows he's already too deep to let the girl go, but he feels like he's not able to protect her anymore, so that's why he needs her to go with Tommy. But she doesn't understand it, of course, because she sees it through her little girl's eyes, who has abandonment issues, and she makes it harder on him because he knows now that she thinks he wants to get rid of her, but that's not it. He's just not capable of taking proper care of her—at least he convinced himself of it, and then she mentions Sarah, and that's like salt into an already opened wound because he's already hurting enough with the thought of letting Ellie go, and now this?

That's why he snaps and tells her ugly things that he doesn't even believe himself—things he'd never want her to hear, and he feels so sorry later as they're on their way back and completely loses it and changes his mind because it hurts him to hurt her like this, and he realizes that leaving her would hurt her even more. So, if anything, he realizes right now that the only way for this kid to be happy is to stick around for her.

He already knew he loved her at the farm, I'm sure of it.

[no1tolerateitfan]

got lovestruck went straight to my head...

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[inkbyajm]

of forgotten people

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

tropes: fluff, hurt/comfort, age-gap

word count: ~860

author’s note: this is a short excerpt (maybe the first chapter?) of a story i’ve been thinking about for the past few weeks. this is just to establish the vibe of something that will probably turn into a series. i hope you enjoy a little melancholy.

————-　❈　————-                                         

“Joel.”

Tommy’s voice resonated in his brother’s ears. The eldest Miller was lost in his thoughts for what seemed like the 5th time in the past half-hour that they’ve been in the Tipsy Bison. He only responded by blankly looking up from his spot around the table.

“You alright, big brother? Wanna share what’s on your mind?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just,” Joel paused, hesitating whether or not he should be sharing his doubts. I mean, what a fucking coincidence would that be.

“I was walking around town today and... Jesus, I’m gonna sound like I’m going insane, which I probably am, but,” he let out another breath “I saw this person, this woman, standing in front of the barn and... it looked a lot like someone I knew back then. Before the outbreak, I mean.”

“Shit, didn’t think your memory was that good, old man.” Tommy joked, taking another sip of his pint.

That was the problem. His life 20 years ago and the one he was currently living felt like two different realities, he could have been mixing up his recollections. He wasn’t even sure he remembered her all that well, despite everything they’ve been through in a relatively short amount of time.

What he did know is that she was the type of person a kid would look up to: kind, passionate, crafty, incredibly smart and with a strange sense of humour. And while she was mature, she was also naïve, and indecisive, and petty, and emotional at times. But he remembered ardent feelings, feelings she displayed openly, without fear. The same couldn’t be said about him.

“Yeah, looks like all those hits to the head are finally taking effect.” he mumbled into his own drink, earning a chuckle from his brother.

“Listen, as long as you’re making sense, I ain’t complaining.”

                              ————-　❈　————-                                         

The two sat around for another hour, chatting to a few people that stopped by their table for a quick hello. Tommy was mostly doing the conversing as Joel still found it a bit hard to adjust to a life in a functioning community. While the former was busy talking about supplies for the new playground with Dennis (Danny? Dean?), Joel felt like he needed another pint and headed to the bar.

It was Friday night, which meant the Tipsy Bison was busier than usual, with everyone celebrating the end of the week. It took a lot of convincing from Tommy to get his older brother to go out for drinks. He rarely ever agreed, usually preferring to stick to the bottle of whiskey he was gifted when him and Ellie first arrived. Nevertheless, Joel felt like he was finally starting to recognise some of the faces around town, which for him was a small accomplishment.

Making it to the bar, he patiently waited for one of what appeared to be three bartenders to serve him. The conversations all around him were all blending together as a soft rock tune played in the background for more ambiance. But it didn’t stop him from singling out a particular voice, a laugh, among dozens. It sounded more mature than the one etched into the far back of his mind.

He looked up from his spot at the far end of the counter, searching for the source of the anxiety growing in his chest. It’s been twenty years. It cannot be her. You are working yourself up for nothing.

And yet he strained his neck to get a better view, and there she was. Her appearance had changed slightly, she looked more rugged, more...experienced. But it was her, or at least the older version of her. You’re losing your damn mind, Joel, snap out of it.

As if she were reading his thoughts, the woman turned her head and the two made eye contact. Her smile wasn’t the only thing that had dropped as the glass she was originally drying found itself in pieces on the ground. 

Joel’s ears began to ring and he found himself backing away from the counter, bumping into a few displeased townsfolk as his feet clumsily carried him out of the pub. He didn’t even realise how suffocated he felt inside until he took a big breath of the fresh evening air, leaning against a utility pole for support, not trusting his knees to hold him up. His thoughts were racing a million miles an hour, his heart was just about 10 pumps away from officially stopping.

“Mr. Miller?”

Her voice, faint and quavery, came from behind him. It ain’t her, you are seeing ghosts. Go home. It took everything in him not to run away, to get hold of himself and his emotions as the world felt like it was crumbling down on him. Finally, after what felt like hours, he braced himself and hesitantly turned around to face his past.

It was just the two of them stood outside in the dimly-lit streets of Jackson. The only sound that filled the heavy silence were the muffled noises coming from the wooden walls of the Bison. Her eyes, those pleading eyes, glistened ever so slightly with tears.

“Joel.”

————-　❈　————-

masterlist: part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6

[builtaworldwithyourlove]

I Forget Where We Were

1.6k/ joel miller x f!reader / MINORS DNI 

summary: life with Joel from the start. Be kind please- this is my first piece and has taken 6 months of courage🤍

Chapter Seven: Evergreen

Take me back to the catacombs, I am tempted by her love.Bluest eyes against my own skin, I have never been so caught up. 

what to expect: There’s radio silence, as Joel contemplates his options.

warnings: bad language i guess idk?😂fluff, dad!joel,lover boy joel, no specific physical description of reader, female reader (please let me know if there is anything I’m missing, I will elaborate as the series goes on) no outbreak, age gap (reader is mid 20s and Joel is mid 40s), boyfriend!joel? i repeat boyfriend!joel, angst, another woman but relax guys, Daddy Joel loves you and things will be okay, alcohol consumption 

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

The only sign of life from you was Tommy telling Joel he had seen you at the gym and you offered to pick Sarah up from school on Thursday.

He couldn’t help the way his heart sank like lead everytime your name was mentioned.

‘Sarah’s at a sleep over Friday night, you fancy the bar?’ Joel asked Tommy.

‘Yeah sounds good, think we need to have a chat’ Joel sighed and hung up the phone to his brother.

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You somehow made it through to Friday afternoon, and you and Laura sat together at lunch still investigating all the possibilities of who Mia was and why she missed Joel.

Usually you weren’t an overthinker and you were good at taking things at face value. The reality was you were Joel’s girlfriend, he had told Tommy and all his work buddies about you, weeks before becoming official, and not to mention, you were now part of Sarah’s life, and all your friends knew about Joel.

This, however, a random woman you had never heard off popped back up telling Joel she missed him, and reinstating plans. How else should you take this?

‘Worst case is, she’s an ex something who Joel’s not spoken to her since you guys got together and she’s just checking in on plans they made pre- you& Joel. A little needy and desperate, sure, but haven’t we all been there?’ Laura played with you hair as you held back tears and rubbed your thumb on your bracelet.

‘Let’s go for drinks tonight doll, I need it’ you composed yourself and tried to give Joel the benefit of the doubt.

Laura agreed, and you texted Joel.

You:

Look, I’m sorry I just went silent for a couple of days. I love you, I love Sarah, somehow I love Tommy🙄 but we’ll talk soon. I don’t want to lose you, but I just need answers x

Within seconds your phone chimed with a reply:

Joel:

I love you too, we all do. It’s just a misunderstanding, I want to explain it, I do. Let’s just do something Sunday and sort this out. 

You sighed relief, but couldn’t rid yourself of the underlying feeling of dread.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Laura turned up at your apartment, and shrieked when she saw you.  You were in a dark grey two piece, a maxi skirt which sat low on your hips and a high cut long sleeved top to match, showing off your stomach and curves.

She looked stunning as always. Auburn hair, tanned skin, and glowing emerald eyes, wearing an orange satin backless ankle length dress to match.

Meanwhile, Joel and Tommy were getting ready to talk all things devastating. 

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

The drink went down too easy, as you& Laura ended up in an unfit state, dancing on tables and making a fool out of yourselves.

Joel and Tommy were sat in their local pub, down the block to you, unbeknownst to either of you.

The whiskey took over, and Joel pulled out his phone. 

Joel:

I’m still up for this weekend if you are.

*current location*

Mia:

Be there in 5.

Simultaneously, Tommy noticed Joel texting but couldn’t see the red heart emoji next to the name, just like you had.

Tommy:

You better get down here.

You.

Be there in 5. I’m with Laura, you’ll love her, she does yoga😉

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You and Laura left the bar and stumbled down the road to where Tommy and Joel were. At the same time, a gorgeous black haired girl with piercing blue eyes held the door open for you. You thanked her and Laura said ‘I loveee your outfit’ in typical drunk girl fashion.

You noticed you were hot on her heels as you followed her through the exact same route to get to Tommy and Joel.

The knot in your stomach tightened as she leaned into Joel before you could, with her arm snaked around his neck. You were both the same size, and so Joel draped his hand around her waist as he did you, and pulled her in. He kissed her cheek as he made eye contact with you. Time stood still, and Tommy gulped and was in the middle of you all like a deer in headlights .

‘Mia, this is Joel���s girlfriend. Joel, remember her?’ Tommy spat venom towards his brother.

‘Baby, let me explain’ Joel croaked, looking at you offering his hand.

‘Explain what, Joel? ‘Mia interrupted’How we make plans to live in the same city, and you ghost me for three weeks before inviting me here and rocking up with a whole ass girlfriend?’

‘God damn I ain’t talking to you’ Joel hissed.

‘Then why’d you ask here’ Mia spat.

‘I’m leaving’ you sobbed, and Laura followed you, darting out the doors.

‘Baby wait’ Joel yelled, but you were gone.

‘Look I’m gonna drop the girls back. Joel, you know what you’ve gotta do. Mia, go do something or someone else’ Tommy patted his brother on the back.

‘I want to go to Joel’s’ you sniffled.

Tommy agreed and let you in with a spare key, and then drove Laura home.

You stumbled around the bathroom and got ready for bed, slipping into one of Joel’s old t-shirts. You started to regret your idea, out of fear that Joel would bring Mia home, and you played the whole situation over and over in your mind.

As you started to drift off, the lock clicked and you heard Joel’s footsteps come up the stairs. He showered and then crawled into bed next to you.

‘I’d never do anything to hurt you, you have to believe me’ Joel sighed.

Your body shook as you sobbed ‘Leave it for tomorrow, I don’t want to talk about it now.’

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You were woken up by the blinding summer sun in your eyes. Ordinarily it would start your day positively, but it was accompanied by a dull dehydration headache and the weight of saving your relationship with Joel. 

Joel was still beside you, and his hands were wrapped around your forearm, as if subconsciously begging you not to leave. You wrapped a loose curl around your finger and swept it off his face, and kissed his forehead. Already, his presence calmed you, although you were devastated. He began to stir, and pulled you closer. His movements were slow, and he took in a deep breath as a pang of guilt and anxiety took him like a stake to the heart.

The alarm clock read 7:13am. Plenty of time to clear the air and get your affairs in order before Sarah gets home.

You nuzzled into Joel like a runt of a litter, and he held you so tight, you swear you stopped breathing. ‘I’m so sorry baby. Please let’s fix this.’ Joel ran his hand up and down your back, and you fell back to sleep,

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

It was only half an hour later but you woke up and went downstairs to make some coffee.

Joel was still in bed, but his phone, wallet and belt were on the breakfast counter.

His phone was flashing and buzzing.

Tommy:

2 new messages

Mia:

6 missed calls

You sighed, and left the phone screen facing up, dreading the outcome.

The floorboards creaked as Joel made his way downstairs. He crept behind you and kissed your shoulder. You gave him his phone.

He shook his head and lounged back on the sofa bringing his coffee through with him.

Like a lost puppy, you followed him through and sat in the armchair opposite the sofa.

‘Look, I don’t care who texts you or messages you. You can’t help it, but I just care how you respond. And you responded by texting her last night when you were drunk and putting your hands over her.’ Tears spilled over your lashline, and rolled down your cheeks.

He took a deep breath, and his eyebrows raised as he searched for the words to give to you.

‘It was a mistake. We saw eachother a couple of times way before you, and I just wasn’t that serious. She never met Sarah, she never came over. Mia lives out of town and she had to come here for work for a weekend so we just planned to do something. Obviously I met you and just didn’t text her back. Like you say, I can’t help that she still wanted to see me or the thought crossed her mind.’

You cringed slightly as he didn’t seem to grasp why you were upset. You wanted to be understanding but couldn’t get over that he texted her still last night, and cuddled her the same way he does with you. 

‘So what were you planning on doing when she met you last night? If Tommy wasn’t there or if I didn’t come?’ 

For the first time, Joel was speechless.

‘Look, you’re my girlfriend. I wouldn’t have let anything happen. I’m sorry for what did happened and I know I crossed a line. I should never have done anything to make you feel as shitty as you do. I love you’ Joel sighed as words failed him.

‘I love you too, I just don’t want to be wondering what if.’

‘All I can do is prove it.’ Joel sighed.

‘Let’s go get some breakfast’ you said, ‘We’ll go get Sarah soon and go do something with her, don’t want to ruin her Saturday.’

‘You’re right- thank you for looking out for her. I promise I’ll make things right for you’ Joel grabbed your hand as you walked past and rubbed his cheek into it.

‘I know. It just takes time’ you sighed, and cradled him into your hip.

Now to begin the healing process. 

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

[ohraicodoll]

i just wanna start off by saying i am obsessed with your feral reader series. ever since i started the show ive had a strong urge to write something with an unhinged character similar to your red but never found the energy to, and your work has fufilled that urge lol.

anyways i was just wondering, if you think ellie would ever lash out at red for her selflessness? ellie obvs has abandonment issues, and as her and reds relationship evolves i can see ellie start to become more and more frustrated with reds lack of will to live. simply because ellie doesnt think she could handle loosing red.

what are your thoughts?

Thank you so much! I'm just so thrilled people enjoy it all and the character! I think it would take a while for Ellie to lash out. Joel makes himself an easy target, but its almost more intimidating with Red. But I think it would take them being settled in Jackson for a while, Ellie realizing she's going to be with them for the rest of their lives, and seeing how Red is still being reckless with herself before she finally snaps. Because it's not getting through to her that she matters and is needed. And because yall are so nice, here's a little drabble of it! (I live purely off yalls comments and messages and tags like a fanfic Kirby)

(Feral Masterlist)

The walk back into town was quiet, tension filling the space between the three as they turned in their horses to the stables and made the walk back to their house. For once Ellie wasn’t talking, wasn’t chatting their ears off, didn’t even make mention of the new book they had found that she had been eager to grab since it was the first of the series. Not the third or the second or fifth. First. A rare find. No, instead she was walking ahead of them, face pinched and moving with a heavy stomp with each step. Joel wasn’t in a much better mood, brow heavily furrowed and scowling at the ground. She was used to their lackluster sunshine attitudes. It’s not like she was much better, but now it seemed distinctly aimed at her. She was left to pick up the rear behind them, trying to ignore the looks of the townsfolk as they stared at her, gritting her teeth. She knew Joel was angry, but Ellie seemed to be as well and that felt odd. It had been a quick scout. They’d been trying to search further and further away from Jackson to comb through whatever resources they could. Eventually they would do farther scouts out of state, but they wanted to make sure everything had been picked clean. The area had already been swept multiple times and Ellie had wanted to come with them, saying she didn’t want to get soft and lose sight of what it was like out there. They’d let her come. It wasn’t a new spot and they both were there. If she was safe with anyone, it was them. But they hadn’t counted on infected moving into the area, traveling there. There’d been a few and when Ellie had accidentally tripped and fell, one going for her, she’d tackled it to keep her away. They’d wrestled hard until her knife found its home in its head and it had slumped off of her. It wasn’t anything out of the usual. They’d had closer scrapes and harder fights on the way to Utah. But Joel had ripped into her on the way back for pulling a stupid move instead of shooting it, for the thousandth time since she’d known him, and Ellie had been quiet the entire way back. She was used to Joel’s anger, but wasn’t sure about the teenager’s. Ellie was hardly ever mad at her and she wasn’t sure how to feel now that she was its target. They both entered the house ahead of her and she quietly shut the door behind them, chewing on her lip, feeling the tension build. Ellie threw her backpack into the corner of the living room roughly, stomping towards the connecting kitchen. Joel caught her eye and then shook his head, huffing before dumping his own pack in the downstairs bedroom. “So I have to deal with both of you being pissy?” In the safety of their home, she could be more direct. But there was no confidence in her voice, the sarcasm flimsy. Even with them, she had a hard time communicating sometimes. 

Ellie slammed her hand down on the kitchen and spun to face her, cheeks red with anger, “You can’t do that, Red!” She swallowed her sigh, back stiffening as she clenched her jaw, “Do what?” The teenager growled out a loud groan and stomped back to her, using as much of her height as she could to get into her face, “Be that reckless! Joel gets after you all the time and you keep doing it!” “Ellie,” she bit out sternly, but the girl didn’t stop. Joel stood in the back, looking at the scene but not interfering, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. He would be no help to her. “Why didn’t you shoot it?” Ellie shouted, “You could have gotten bit! I’m immune but you’re not and you just fucking threw yourself on top of it!” “Yes, you’re immune, but it can still hurt you,” she argued back and put her hands on her hips, not knowing how to fight with the one person who seemed to be her constant defender. It seemed obvious. Ellie was in danger so she stopped it. She wasn’t sure why this was suddenly not okay. “So what! We get hurt all the time, but it can kill you!” Ellie’s voice was rising and she could see her shaking, lips pinching and eyes getting glossy. Her throat caught, a lump forming at seeing the passion and anger in the kid’s face as she adamantly continued to argue even as her voice choked up, “If it bit you, we’d have to fucking put you down. Do you get that? And then I’m stuck with fucking Joel alone and who the fuck is gonna take care of us?” Her eyes lifted to find Joel’s as Ellie shuddered, ducking her head and trying to swallow her tears. His face had softened, some of the anger gone, lips pursed. The look was frustration, exhaustion, sad pulling his lips down. So many times he’d yelled at her to stop being so careless, to stop treating herself as if she didn’t matter, and she had shrugged it off. Because Ellie was all that mattered. If something happened to her, she had Joel and it would be fine because they had each other. They had each other before she showed up and they would have each other after. But there was no mission anymore, no goal to get her to the Fireflies, nothing. There was only life. Living in Jackson together for the rest of their lives. She was still throwing herself in harm’s way though, because even if Ellie wasn’t going to save the world, she was her kid. And she couldn’t let anything happen to her. She hadn’t considered what it would do to Ellie if she was gone. Had remembered her argument with Joel when he tried to pass her off to Tommy. Everyone had left her or was dead. The tears won out and Ellie’s shoulders shook even as she desperately tried to look tough and hold it together. She didn’t say anything, didn’t console her that it would be okay. She just ran her hand over her hair and tucked her head into her chest. Ellie’s arms were a vice as she wrapped them around her waist, a steel band around her body, the flood gates opening as sobs broke through and she cried into her shirt. She only held her tightly, combing her hand over the loose strands of her ponytail and resting her head on hers. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling her shake even harder, “I’m sorry.” Through her muffled sniffles, so quiet she almost didn’t catch it, she heard the reply, “Don’t leave me.” Her heart broke a little and she watched as Joel came a little closer. In that way they always could communicate silently, always seemed to be on the same frequency, she understood the look on his face. His eyes flickered to the kid in her arms, staring at her with a sigh, but looking back at her and giving her a nod. “Do better for her,” it seemed to say. She swallowed hard, pressing her face into Ellie’s hair, before nodding back. “I will.”

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@alouise20 @faceache111​ @hawsx3​ @taxidriversainz @iluvbunnyhops @mrfitzdarcyslover @emlovesya  @agent007knight @spaacerabbit @namgification @wonwoosthetic​  @wxnderingthoughts @sagggy

[memesfromstuff]

* THE BOYS S01E01 STARTERS.

"how's he gonna find his dick? it's invisible."

"get up, get up! come on, come on!"

"stay back. just stay the fuck back!"

"what are you smiling at?"

"you okay?"

"can i… can i get a selfie?"

"i really need to talk to you about something."

"later, kid."

"i'd like to make an appointment for you to come over and lay some cable."

"that doesn't mean what you think it means."

"laying cable means sex."

"that's disgusting."

"despite your best efforts, i'm actually still hungry."

"i'm actually more hungry now."

"where are we gonna go after all this hot talk?"

"what was i supposed to do? kick his door down."

"i said okay."

"yeah, but you didn't mean it."

"i don't think that's… i don't think that's true."

"well excuse me for waiting."

"you ever heard of chivarly?"

"listen, this is about you getting what you deserve."

"hey, don't you ever besmirch billy joel."

"i can't stop, i can't stop, i can't stop, i can't stop."

"let the energy go through the wall."

"you should look away."

"i hated it. i mean i can still smell the hairspray."

"but it wasn't a joke to me."

"since when did hopeful and naive become the same thing?"

"i mean why would you get into this business if not to save the world?"

"just, uh, don't get upset, okay?"

"i sign this and i can't talk about it?"

"look, i know you're upset, but we're just trying to help."

"then say you're sorry."

"i mean, you people say 'our condolences' and 'my sympathies' and 'our

regrets', but nobody can look me in the fucking eye and say 'i'm sorry!'"

"i'm not signing anything, get out."

"can i think about it?"

"we could really use the press right now."

"don't worry, i didn't get the job."

"if you're negative, negative things happen to you."

"come sit with me."

"good for you. you want to make this right, what happened. but you can't."

"this is a lot of money. we could really use it."

"be realistic."

"you can't do this."

"you don't have the fight, you never have."

"i'm sorry, but it's true."

"are all these people here for me?"

"i- i haven't done anything yet."

"yeah, that's why we love you."

"so, you ready for your life to change?"

"pretty cool, huh?"

"i used to stand in the mirror, pretending to be where i am right now."

"on my first day, i felt like a fraud. but the good news is, everybody feels that way."

"and hey, we're a team now. we'll help each other out."

"i hope that's not inappropriate to say."

"settle down, we're just talking."

"look, i know that you're powerful. i get it."

"your powers are no joke."

"goes to show you, doesn't it? the bollocks people will believe, if you get them

scared enough."

"cool. cool, cool."

"i'm not gonna piss you about. i heard what happened."

"i'm sorry, who are you?"

"i said who the hell are you, how do you know that?"

"listen, i was thinking that you and me should have a bit of a chat."

"you don't sound like a fed."

"you got it all wrong. it's what i can do for you."

"if you knew half the shit they get up to… fucking diabolical."

"how do you spank a supe?"

"you'll love it."

"thank you for an extremely weird conversation."

"i don't wanna go to a second location with you."

"this is your one and only, mate. once i go i'm gone."

"what have you got to lose that you ain't already lost?"

"where are we?"

"keep your mouth shut."

"fucking hypocrite."

"you want to hear something crazy?"

"dude, that's nasty."

"they're fucking laughing."

"so what are you gonna do about it?"

"oh, for chrissakes. clean yourself up."

"never let them see you like this."

"someone's fucking hiding something."

"like what, like i'm fucking james bond?"

"no, no. i can't, okay?"

"i'm not an infiltrator."

"i'm sorry, i'm just gonna fuck it up."

"i'm not… i'm not like you."

"i know, i know, it's a tough swallow."

"i think maybe you can."

"friendship does cut both ways."

"i don't know what you're talking about."

"i'm fine, i'm just having a bad day."

"and… i didn't fight. and now i just feel sick."

"turns out i'm not who i thought i was."

"sorry, i didn't mean to just dump all of that on you."

"just 'cause you fall on your ass doesn't mean you have to stay there."

"that's not who you are. so, who are you?"

"i'm a fighter. i'm gonna fight. i'm gonna take that son of a bitch's head clean

off his body."

"little scary, but- but cool."

"okay, man. i'm in."

"don't want to be late to your first official meeting."

"i had a whole welcome speech planned."

"beginning to wonder if you'd even show up. all that pressure, it's a lot for

anyone to swallow."

"i'm here, and i'm not going anywhere."

"can we get back to this, please? this is a serious crime."

"now, what i do want to hear, is who you saved this week. huh?"

"that's that? that was- that was a lot. th- i've- hold on, can you just- can you

repeat it again?"

"or you can take the blue pill. or is it the red pill? anyway, take the other pill

and quit being a cunt."

"which pill do you want me to take?"

"just quit being a cunt, that's what i'm saying."

"could you empty your pockets, please?"

"accidents happen, right?"

"after all, i mean, you were saving the world."

"can i use your bathroom?"

"and i look him right in the eye, and i smile."

"that was awesome, man."

"i get why you dig this job."

"i think it's best that i take it from here, you know what i mean?"

"i know you can help. i got it."

"you ever seen an asshole tear up 45k?"

"i'd appreciate your discretion."

"of course. you have my word."

"you think i wouldn't find this?"

"who was he?! he put you up to this?"

"do you think i'm a fucking idiot?"

"sorry about the mess."

"you should fuck off."

"you're gonna fucking tell me, or i'm gonna smash your fucking scalp off."

"is he… is he dead?"

"well, he ain't moving."

"would've taken me forever to work that one out."

"let's get him in the booth. the trunk."

"we're both in a shitload of trouble."

"what?! then who the fuck are you?!"

[modern-day-bard]

Other Duties As Assigned: A Joel Miller AU Fanficiton

Content Warning: 18+ Minors, do not interact. This story includes mature themes such as drinking, stalking, violence, and explicit smut.

Chapter 11: Shatter

word count: 3.6k

Gwen

The Personal Security Nightmare needs to add nutritionist, sound expert, and fucking psychic to his resume. Apparently.

I suppose he could have become somewhat of a behaviorist over the years in his line of work…not that I really knew much about his work anyway. And I don’t plan to know. My interest has spiked in a very real, very stressful way, and I need to snuff that out as fast as possible. I know Nyah started to catch onto something being off when I asked her to give me Theo’s number. It had been a running gag for at least two years that every time Nyah had a photoshoot with Theo, he would find a way to ever-so-subtly bring me up in conversation.

He was about as subtle as a fog horn in a library. And he kissed like a fish out of water.

I tried to cleanse myself as much as I could in the car ride home which was increasingly hard to do with The Problem looking back at me every thirty seconds. I wouldn’t have had to go on that date in the first place if I hadn’t been so…moved by Joel’s arms around me the other day. Training me how to defend myself, and I can’t even fend off a few improper thoughts. Pathetic.

Joel was bolder than I gave him credit for. I figured Nyah would know I wasn’t telling the truth over the phone. I mean, she knew Theo. There’s no way I’d want to go on another date with that guy. And, she also knew me and how I view dating. I’m praying to any god who will listen that Joel could not hear Nyah say that this should push me enough to finally start dating. There would be no reason for Joel to have that information, and I have an icky feeling that he could somehow use it against me. Or that he would…look down on me or something. I’d expect him to react like he did with the guy from the club. What I hadn’t expected was not only for him to catch on so fast, but to call me out. How am I supposed to tell him that I’m not lying to Nyah, but instead trying desperately to distract myself from whatever happened the other day?

Thankfully, work has kept me busy. I might have wanted to set my desk on fire when I realized my dad refused to put me on the Isla Foundation, but attending meetings during the week and actually getting my hands on even analytical data has been a surprising reprieve from everything else. I missed working. I used to love to visit Russell Corp. and bounce around throughout the different divisions. Up until last year. Then I loved to travel, to leave.

Listening to Harper’s airy laugh though, that is one thing I loved about being home; my friends.

“I mean, you would’ve asked her to leave the wings on too, right?” She dabs a tear from her eye, still right on the verge of another fit of hysterics. In hindsight, Landon’s gallery opening might not be the best place to recount Harper’s private birthday festivities, but Nyah and I were too locked-in to worry. And Landon was too busy doing what they do best. They were currently flitting around the gallery, confidently chatting up what I could only assume were VIPs in the art-world.

“They didn’t, like, get in the way?” Nyah tips her head to the side, biting back a round of laughter herself.

“Well, I actually did get poked a couple times but…I sort of liked it.” Harper’s suddenly earnest expression is enough to make both Nyah and me crack up now.

“Oh, you got poked alright.” I wink at her and she hits my arm hard enough for a bit of my champagne to splash out of the glass. Immediately, she looks horrified by what she’s done, and I focus my attention on a painting a few yards away to keep from losing it again.

The atmosphere here was lively, but it wasn’t rowdy. Landon had successfully brought in dozens of New York’s finest, with Harper, Nyah, and me being the exceptions. Or as Landon liked to put it, “moral support.” We knew nothing about the beautiful pieces that surrounded us other than that they were, in fact, beautiful. I’ve been trying to pick up keywords for the past hour and failing miserably. Nyah and Harper have already given up, and the past three paintings we passed by, we decided it was best to admire them in silence.

“Oh!” Harper finishes a sip of her drink before setting her sights on me, “Landon told me you went on a date! How was that?”

“I mean I was trying to follow Landon’s advice…” I trail off, glancing around until I spot Joel. With the amount of people in the room, he’s certainly out of earshot, but he’s still close by. When I had seen him get into the elevator with only a black t-shirt and dark jeans on, I thought he’d look monstrously out of place. But he fit in here, surrounded by the paintings and sculptures. He’d even slicked his hair back a little today…I would never know he was on the clock if I was a passerby. He looked like any regular guy.

“You’re staring.” Nyah murmurs.

I whip my head around to face her, “I was double-checking his whereabouts. I don’t need him listening in on every conversation.”

“Especially if he can figure out you’re lying again.”

Harper’s curious eyes ping-pong between the two of us. “Were you going on a date to be normal and vet someone for once or is this…something else?”

“I just went on a date,” I say.

At the same time, Nyah says, “Oh, it was something else.”

“Someone just tell me before I get a headache.” Harper whines.

“Gwen freaked because she got hot and heavy when Joel was teaching her hand-to-hand combat so she went on a date with the first guy she could think of.”

“Hand-to-hand combat? It wasn’t military training, Nye.” I glance over at Joel, well, Joel’s arms again, avoiding their gazes.

“Joel turned you on?” Harper whispers, excitement sparkling across her freckled face.

“No! You know me, I’m only used to that sort of…closeness when I’m hooking up with someone. That’s all. It was a physiological response.”

The two of them exchange a glance.

“What?” I ask incredulously.

“Are you still trying to make him uncomfortable?” Nyah asks.

“Um…” I glance at Harper, knowing the entire story will alarm her too much. “Not exactly.” There’s no real reason to tell them that someone was able to gain access to my apartment.

“So you like him then?” Harper asks with a smile.

“Absolutely not. I’ve just decided that maybe a bodyguard isn’t the worst idea. And as we said, they’ll just assign me someone else. Plus he seems to be immune to everything I tried anyway.” Hopefully that will ease her nerves slightly. If what Landon said the other day was accurate, she has been worried about my safety.

“That, I can buy. He didn’t even notice when I flirted with him.” Nye adds.

“Or the bottle girl at the club, or the waitress on Monday.” I mumble into my drink.

“The waitress was flirting with him on your date?” Harper asks.

“Mhm.”

“All I’m hearing is that you notice every time someone makes a pass at him. Territorial, are we, Gwen?”

I narrow my eyes at Nyah. “Not at all. It’s human nature to notice.”

Her amber eyes are just as challenging in return. After a pause, she grabs an extra glass off the tray of a passing waiter. “In that case, you won’t mind if I offer him a drink?”

I grip the stem of mine a little tighter. “Not at all,” I repeat.

“Lovely,” Nyah swishes away, leaving me seething and Harper dumbfounded.

Joel is still situated close-by, near the entryway. I’ve had my back turned to him the majority of the evening, so I’m not sure if he’s still doing his classic, ‘look at me until I look away’ bit. I try to subtly stand next to Harper so I can get a good look at him now.

“I am…glad that you’ve decided to keep him.” Harper says softly.

“You make it sound like he’s a kitten we found on the side of the road.”

She smirks at me. “You know what I mean.”

“I know,” I say, linking my arm with hers. “Landon told me that you’ve been nervous.”

Harper clicks her tongue, “They weren’t supposed to say anything—”

“I’m glad they did. I’m fine, Harper. Seriously. This whole thing is just a nuisance more than anything else.”

“That’s what worries me, Gwen. Even I have viewed you as untouchable before, but you’re not. People are clever. The technology available now can make anyone vulnerable—”

“Harper, I’m keeping him. He never lets me out of his sight. You don’t have to worry.”

She studies me for a long moment. “Okay, fine. It makes me feel just a little bit better.”

“Good. Knowing that will make it easier for me to swallow.”

We both turn our attention to Nyah and Joel now. She’s giving him her best doe-eyes and he’s smiling politely at her. I’m mildly shocked and moderately irritated that he accepted the drink from her, but I’ve yet to see him take a sip of it. Nyah throws her head back, laughing presumably at something Joel said, but he just looks surprised.

“You’re gripping my arm a little tight there, love.” Harper murmurs.

“Sorry,” I let go of her, feeling my cheeks heat up. A rarity for me. And the shame of knowing your embarrassment is on display for everyone else just makes it worse.

“Anyone with eyes would agree he’s attractive, Gwen.”

“It’s not that I don’t think he’s attractive…” Nyah places her hand on Joel’s forearm and squeezes.

“But?” Harper raises a brow at me.

I feel my chest get tighter. There’s been too many moments like these in the past few months. Times where I teeter on the edge of the cliff of truth, and I hope someone or something will come along and push me over. I want to explain everything, all the things I can’t tell her. How Joel could be planted here to track and report, not just to protect. How long I’ve been in limbo, and how he throws a massive wrench into my barely-formed plans. But the weight of what it would mean for my family holds me back from the edge, and I give Harper a small smile.

“That part is irrelevant. I think a lot of people are attractive, and a lot less aggravating.”

Not wanting to watch Nyah essentially shove her chest against Joel any longer, I fill Harper in about how he called me out for lying.

“Damn, he’s fearless, you have to admit.”

“We’ve barely spoken since. I’m trying to ice him out… He’s gotten too comfortable.”

“Maybe he’s just trying to protect you,” she tries.

“From what? Protect me from lying to him?”

“No, maybe he doesn’t know if you feel like you can trust your friends. Maybe he’s just trying to suss out who you are, I don’t know. It wouldn’t be that wild. Especially since he seems so uncomfortable with Nyah now…”

That gives me enough encouragement to glance back over at the two of them. I try to ignore the glimmer of delight when I see him bending backwards to create more space between them. I know Nye is just doing this to test me, but I still don’t like it. And, fine, maybe it makes me a little relieved that he doesn't seem to like it either.

“Ooo!” Harper squeals, pointing in Landon’s direction, “Boyfriend! He’s here. We have to meet him.”

Sure enough, Landon was embracing a cute, curly haired man on the other side of the gallery. Just when I thought I couldn’t be more proud of Landon, they actually invited their date to the opening. When they pulled back from each other, I saw that bright blue glasses rested on the tip of Elijah’s nose, and his eyeline reached Landon’s shoulder at best. He’s perfect.

Harper is already dragging me over, but not before she uses her champagne-filled hand to wave down Nyah, pointing frantically toward Elijah. She’s mouthed boyfriend three times before she splashes any alcohol over the rim, which is an impressive feat. Nyah waves us on, much to my chagrin. I can feel Joel watching me walk away, probably wondering if he’ll have to move to ensure that I stay within his sights.

Landon looks apprehensive introducing us to Elijah, who is understandably startled by how tightly Harper hugs him. I’m just surprised she didn’t start jumping up and down.

I make an effort not to joke about how Landon has never introduced us to anyone. I’m sure Elijah knows this by now, but I don’t want to embarrass them. Especially not tonight. I’m no gallerist, but it seems to be going well. The place is packed, people seem happy, and most importantly, they are engrossed in the art. The last thing Landon needs is their group of friends teasing them about their love life.

“We’ve heard so much about you!” Harper exclaims, and Elijah’s cheeks turn slightly peach. It makes me beam at Landon like an idiot.

“I’ve heard so much about all of you. I’m surprised we haven’t met before, we run in so many of the same circles I feel like we keep missing each other.”

“That’s probably because we only dip our toe in the art circle when we have Landon to guide us,” I say.

Landon smiles, “You all hold your own just fine.”

“I’m lost on some of this, even. I might be in the art sphere but I’m a sculptor. I start to get confused when it comes to paintings.”

“Maybe we could all get drinks sometime instead? Drinking, I understand.” Harper holds up her glass as a demonstration.

“I would love that!” Elijah has a smile that could warm your toes, and the way Landon drapes their arm over him makes my heart sing.

That is, until I’m startled by a hand on my lower back.

“Sorry,” Joel’s gruff voice sounds low in my ear. The hand is gone immediately, and I try to ignore the small tug of disappointment in its absence. To my right, I notice Nyah making her way over as well, eyes set on Elijah and Landon.

“Could I speak with you for a moment?” Joel asks softly.

I nod, giving an apologetic smile to Landon, though they're already busy introducing Nyah.

Joel and I round the corner to another section of the gallery near the restroom. There’s less people in this corner, though a few waitstaff and patrons are milling about. The quietness of the area doesn’t seem to help, as Joel is wringing his hands, looking at anything except for me.

“What is it, Mr. Miller?”

With the mention of his name, his contemplative eyes meet mine. “At this risk of offending you again, I need to ask what that was all about.”

For once, I don’t have to feign ignorance. “What are you talking about?”

“Just give it to me straight, Miss Russell. Do you plan on making another escape tonight?” He places one hand on his hip, clearly agitated.

“At this moment I would like to escape, but no, I can’t say I made any preparations.”

“Then why send that friend of yours over to try to distract me?”

So he does understand flirting.

“By friend of mine, I’m assuming you meant Miss Abiola. And I’m shocked you were able to take the hint.”

His brown eyes turn molten. “It was supposed to be a distraction then?”

Exasperation coughs out of my lungs as I toss my hands up in the air, “No, Miller. It was meant to be a grown woman trying to get your attention.”

“My attention…?”

“She was flirting with you. Is having a thick skull a requirement for people like you? Does it double as armor?”

A spark of amusement appears and vanishes on his face in an instant. “Well, if that’s the case—”

“That is the case.”

“—If that is the case, I’ll need to have a discussion with your friends about those things. I can’t be distracted while I’m on the clock.”

I give him a once over. “I’m sorry. You had an actual model vying for your attention and that’s what you’re focused on?”

Joel takes another step toward me, and this corner, we’re less than a foot apart. “I’m focused on you. And I don’t want anything to get in the way of that.”

“Is that the same excuse for ignoring the bottle girl on Harper’s birthday? Or the waitress at the restaurant on Monday? You’re too focused on your job?”

He’s visibly confused. “What? They weren’t—”

“Oh, yes they were.”

“Miss Russell, I can promise I won’t entertain anything while I’m working. Is that what you’re worried abou—”

Glass shatters, and someone lets out a loud scream. In a split-second, Joel’s arm shoots out, pushing my torso until my back presses against the wall behind me. He turns, pressing his back into me with one hand resting on my side, as if to confirm I’m still there. The entire movement takes place before I can even register what’s just happened, before I can even take in another breath. I’m completely boxed in. A notion that would normally make me want to scream, to fight, to demand to be let free. But I didn’t feel trapped. I took one of my deep, calming breaths, and the smell of old leather and a spicy soap filled my senses. I felt…secure. Even though the only thing I could see was the cotton covering Joel’s shoulder blades.

A moment later, laughter ensues. I can hear an apology, someone explaining they startle easily, and another waiter saying they were going to grab some paper towels. I look down to my left, seeing Joel’s tense hand splayed wide, gripping my hip, and a familiar coil in my stomach forms. I shake my head a little, willing myself to focus.

“Um,” I clear my throat, forcing my voice back to normal, “Mr. Miller? I think we’re okay.”

Joel takes a half step away from me, turning to me first, examining my face as if something could have gone through him to get to me. I hold my breath, realizing his hand is still on my hip. I hate to admit it, but it makes me wish I had worn a skirt short enough to feel how calloused his hands were against—

Nope. No. Enough.

“It was just an accident.” My voice is much gentler than I expect it to be.

This seems to jolt him back into reality. He removes his hand, and gives me a nod that would have confirmed his time spent in the military, if Arthur hadn’t already said as much.

Joel peers around the corner, to confirm what I already suspected. It was just a spill, and one broken glass. Nothing so much as splashed on to one of the pieces. I haven’t seen him this…on before. He’s always a looming presence, but even now that we know it was nothing, he’s more electrified. His broad shoulders are still stiff returning to me, and the way his hands are pulled just slightly away from his body, it makes it look like he’s either going to grab me or knock someone out at any turn. For a moment, I actually want to apologize for Nyah’s flirting, especially since I gave her the go-ahead. When he said he was on the clock, he was really on the clock. But the moment passes when I remember his audacity to call me out on my lie the other day.

“Can I return to my friends now? Or would you like to detain the rest of the glassware on suspicion of grievous bodily harm?”

This time, there is no amusement on his face. Not even a flicker. He doesn’t look angry, exactly. Almost…pained.

“You can go,” Is all he says.

I pause, feeling like I should say something else. What I would say, I don’t know. Something to…calm him, I guess. Instead, I just look him in the eye one last time before rounding the corner, and finding Harper and Nyah by the front of the gallery. Landon is busy introducing Elijah to some of the older crowd whom I assume are very important.

“What was that about?” Nyah asks, inclining her head toward the direction I came from.

“He thought I sent you over as a distraction.”

“I see,” Nyah smiles proudly to herself, “Did you tell him I went over to prove a point?”

“Not exactly. I’m not even sure what point you were trying to prove.”

“Oh, the point was that it bothers you when other people flirt with your bodyguard.”

Harper’s eyes widen, but she keeps them on the floor.

“If I admit to your trivial point will you agree not to do it again?”

Nyah beams, “Of course.”

“Then fine. It bothers me. I feel…bad, Nye. He’s on edge. When we were talking, that glass shattered and you would have thought there was a bomb threat.”

They both glance in Joel’s direction, Nyah’s gaze curious, and Harper’s empathetic. “Well, don’t look!” I whine.

“Not going to lie, he does look tense,” says Nyah.

“Not to be a know-it-all, but maybe this just confirms what I was worried about.” Harper says, still looking at Joel.

“What do you mean?”

Her sad eyes rest on me now. “I just have the feeling that we need to start taking some of these threats seriously. He was hired for a reason. He knows that. He acts like it. And…maybe you should, too.”

Next Chapter

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

[lnights]

Ok thoughts on the new album.

TLDR: I really like it! I would put it above LOTSAD. I think Phobia is my favorite

Me examining it like a sample in a petri dish below:

There are some similar things between EE and LOTSAD but to me it's almost like two sides of the same coin.

For example Glory for the Greedy and Not Your Bro have the same theme of people trying to act different once they started to get more popular.

While Glory was more about the corporate side, labels and producers and such that had rejected them before and then wanted to get a cut while they gleefully rejected them in turn now.

I have always supported your band" You haven't? Our last chat you were saying "ditch the rapper" "I believed in your vision" Hmm, no you didn't? You told us to lose the guitars and sing in Finnish "You're gonna be a big band, I always knew" Shut the fuck up man, no thanks to you "Prepare getting sued" Well prepare to fucking lose We ain't giving away percentages for work you didn't do

Not Your Bro is more the personal side of things.

When are we gonna hang, bro? It must be crazy touring with the band, bro Let me know if you ever need a hand, bro What can I say I'll return the favor, I'm returning the fear Your apologies only hurting my ears Call me a brother once again And I swear You'll disappear

And that theme stayed in my mind the whole album, where LOTSAD was triumphant to almost an annoying degree (I still liked it tbh) Exit Emotions is showing more of the turmoil that comes from the grind they've been putting themselves through. I think at this point we've all read or heard from them how there's been days they've been up for over 24 hours, that they were literally recording the album in hotel rooms between shows. I personally am a little haunted by the live where Niko explained that they weren't supposed to have such a packed tour schedule last year while recording the album but things just kind of happened, and Joel, Joonas, and Aleksi were just quiet but had this look of defeat on their faces. And one of them saying later that they were scared to listen to the album because they were so sleep deprived when they were recording it... Bros need a fucking break.

But back to the album, I have to admit I expected Wolves in California to be an absolute cringe fest and it was to a degree, but for as much as they've been trying to break into the American market I kind of love that the song was more talking about Finland and how they don't necessarily feel steady in the US.

The night is darkest just before the dawn But where I'm from the sun don't rise at all Damn you, now I need someone to shout at Damn you, now I need someone to shout at Damn you, now I need someone to shout We don't belong here We don't belong here, no Everybody tried to warn ya Now there's wolves in California

Yes it talks about conquering too but I digress.

Where's the Exit

Screaming rap goblin Niko my beloved, keep it up you sad clown. But again, a contrast from LOTSAD:

This life is what you fake it And everybody has a deathwish True tell me where's the exit

Red Tail Lights vs Don't Fix Me

From say Balboa that talked about getting up again and again against the odds and not giving up.

Both songs scream Joel to me, I don't know if it was him turning 30 or what but we went from Don't fix me:

Don't fix me Let me bleed out, leave me open No, don't fix me Maybe I was born to be broken I'm dead inside And it's alright (And it's alright) So don't fix me (Don't fix me) Don't fix me

Saying yeah I'm broken but it's who I am to Red Tail Lights:

I'm rolling rolling rolling rolling with the punches I need the beating 'cause there's nothing under my chest Here's something to digest

And

On the run, on the run, running from my heart Red tail lights is all I've got

I get the impression of yeah this is who I am, but there seems to be regret now, a different tone.

Autopsy and Phobia both funky little songs talking about fears. 10/10 no notes

Keeping it Surreal sounds more inline with Violent Pop or Blood Brothers to me, and that's giving me hope we'll get more songs like that when they inevitably make another album, hopefully in a year and not in like 6 months.

XOXO, I just loved it, I like From Ashes to New and hearing Matti and Danny and Joona on the song? Wonderful.

Of course we have the singles too:

Flatline is catchy and I've always enjoyed, dorky little dance aside.

Happy Doomsday, meh. It's better live but it has started to grow on me.

Deadzone, cringy but their brand of cringy, I do enjoy it.

Die Another Day, somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't Feel Nothing and Bad Idea from the same event in Niko's life that inspired Die Another Day? He had a lot of pain from that. Love all three of those songs.

But also fascinating looking at the progression between the three: Feel Nothing, still in the pits of despair and numb to the pain.

Bad Idea, internalizing the fallout and admitting things that went wrong

Die Another Day, trying to pull yourself out of that pit

Then we have our final song, One Last Time... Again.

Holy hell it's a tone shift from Thank You for the Pain, where TYFTP was all about their rise to fame and leaning to deal withit, One Last Time... Again speaks more to accepting things will never be the same and is a lot more driven then TYFTP.

But ffs, they need to stop putting fillers at the end of their albums.

[nerdyenby]

Pink time :D I’m watching Grian

Pregame

Instantly losing my mind /pos

The arm wiggle looks like his mouth opening lol

“This music is relatively annoying isn’t it?” I love Grian so much you guys

MCC Grian is a mess and I love that for him

I am so excited for this team, you guys don’t understand

Bingo But Fast

“Wait, this is real” Jojo 😭

Jojo is so confused lol, it’s okay queen you got this

I’m already confused on who I’m watching, I’ve watched both Jojo and Shelby’s streams the past couple weeks lol

The way none of them noticed the elytra

WHY IS IT ACE RACE MUSIC??!!?! IM STRESSED!! I didn’t even realize the first time round lol

Jojo just saying fuck under her breath repeatedly when half the team is pg is so silly of her

They’re all kinda in their own heads but that’ll get better as they find their flow

Grian sassing chat AS HE SHOULD

“How long til bingo again?” Life really is just a period of waiting between rounds of bingo, Lizzie’s right

“I wouldn’t count on anything being normal” Real and true Shelby

Battle Box

“You should crouch down so I can get on one shoulder, Lizzie can get on the other shoulder, then Shelby can jump on your back and you can just carry us, yeah?” So true Grian

“What if we die before that happens? Well, then we’d be dead” Lizzie my beloved

Lizzie catching that picks are better than the carrots is such a good call

Aw Lizzie just got absolutely mobbed

Eat the carrot, let the impulsive thoughts win

“I think people are targeting me” “I also suffer from success”

Comms are a bit sloppy but I believe

“A win is a win” Lizzie is so real today

MCC itself has a grudge against Lizzie, this is so sad

Hole in the Wall

“I’m ready to start playing better” You got this Jojo!!

A bit off topic but I think the MCC team did a phenomenal job balancing how much players knew before the event and how much was a surprise, there’s enough of both that it’s chaotic without being overly confusing and I think the did a great job

Bill Wurtz fan club over here :))

“I just got flung and I’m not sure I deserved it” snarky Grian is best Grian

“When you said ‘off the edge’ I took that literally” Lizzie my beloved <333

Jojo’s calls are ELITE

Survival Games

I was just vibing tbh

Oh my gosh that was so intense when the border stopped one block away

Lizzie hiding in the corner and winning, queen moves only

“I think you just got scuffed” so true Grian

“I can’t tell what’s intentionally scuffed or just wasn’t thought about” that’s the magic of MCC scuffed

If you don’t know, Grian and his community have been funding a school in Ghana during every event he’s participated in and it’s absolutely incredible, go check it out and donate if you’re able :))

TGTTOSAWAF

None of them actually taking a break is so them

Lizzie going to check in on Joel is so sweet

Jojo apolozing to Ranboo <3

Literally what killed Grian lol

Sands of Time

Sand daddy Shelby <333

Jojo taking charge AS SHE SHOULD!!!

The absolute PANIC of the false chimes 😭

“I’m never going down a tunnel ever again” Lizzie 😂

Grian mvp :))

The countdown starting and Shelby just saying “ignore that” is the level of confidence I need in my life

I didn’t even see the wardens the first time round, that’s terrifying

Wait when did the get green vault? Like I heard Lizzie found the key but I just didn’t notice them actually unlocking it lol

Big Sales at Build Mart

Shelby saying fuck with her entire chest is everything actually

Remember when she was a regular on a Disney show? Now she’s dropping f-bombs on pg streams, and I love that for her

“Where’s- Oreo??” Real

It IS in color Grian 😭

They popped off :))

Skyblockle

None of them even remembering skyblockle is so funny actually, skybattle is just infinitely better and more memorable

Grian just crying when Shelby says to bridge with slabs

“I’d rather poo in my hands and clap” GRIAN

“Anyone else just wanna jump off” Lizzie no

Yeah just build a house actually, you got time lol

Grian crafting a fishing rod, you got this king

He did not, in fact, got this

Shelby being so proud of/excited for Oli is everything

He DID crash and burn, I didn’t even realize 😂

Dodgebolt

Everyone’s still confused, just as it should be in MCC Scuffed

Oh yeah, it would be the first 1v4!!

“That’s my man” Lizzie and Joel are everything

Joel not getting the 1v4 and Lizzie’s “I still love him” “That’s good because if that did it for ya”

A win for the empires team is a win for all empires peeps, so true

The chicken infection was to torment Grian specifically, actually

[beardedjoel]

Hi there! I am LOSING MY MIND. There was another fic I was reading in conjunction with yours and I was hoping you may know it or your followers may know it. I cannot find it anywhere. It's a Joel Miller AU chaptered fic where they meet and hook up at a party but they're both in loveless marriages. It was posted on tumblr for awhile and the writer moved to AO3 indefinitely. I can't get onto my account and I'm going crazy trying to find it. Also, I remember one of the chapters being titled Cannoli if that helps lmao Any ideas?

yes!! that would be @chloeangelic ! she said in a post decided to remove her work from tumblr due to worries about AI chat bots and all that so you’d only find her stories on ao3 now and that specific one is seeking what is desirable. if you check her tumblr she said she can take messages on ao3 or discord about getting copies of her stories if you can’t find or access them otherwise. hope this helps! ❤️