#jesus christ on a wheat thin cracker

[millennialgrandma]

oh dear, oh god, my lady jane has infected me like the plague

[sleeponthephone]

the name. oh, I could fall in love with the name forever. and you wear it as a cloak, you wear it as a jewel, you wear it pinned up in your hair or caught falling halfway down between the strands. it is the forgotten flower left where you sat beside me. I capture it between the letters but it escapes, refusing to be just another flower pressed to you. honey on my lips, your name; oh, your name. scrawled in sharpie on the cup between the seats, written in hearts and cursive on your back.

we are a mess in the windows. music so loud and sky so blue and trees whipping by, and I want to glance over every five seconds from the road because if I ever forget this I will lose something too exquisite. you’re going to lift right up someday, spirit carrying you high up into the clouds as you laugh. I beg of you, love, take me with you. icarus loved the sun but the sea was the one to give him a home. keep hold of my hand and we can burn together, fall together, rise and land and swim together.

if we ever get to where we’re going I’ll lay out the blanket for you. you can fuss over the corners while I set up the notebooks, the canvases, the netflix, the paint set, the library, the kitchen. you’ll make a horrible face during the most beautiful sunset and I’ll call you out for ruining our picture. I’ll save it in the back of the sketchbook. we’ll try our hand at everything we know we aren’t good at. I’ll cook for you and you’ll cook for me. the picnic does not end, the picnic is here. the picnic is us and the rest of it. we take our shoes off and do our best to keep the dust out and I hold your face and you squish my cheeks and we ruin everything and we laugh at everything. we stay at the picnic until the last sunrise. this time, we watch it together. there is a handful of photographs in your lap as you say “hey, this was a pretty good date.” our bones are dust by nightfall.

(- someday I will take someone to a park and we will stay there forever)

parks. it’s funny that you mention that, because those were our signature place. those were where the magic happened. our first date was, wouldn’t you know it, a picnic, sharing strawberries and crackers—wheat thins! i mentioned them off hand and he kept his promise to bring them. we barely touched our snacks, though, before we moved on to another park. it’s funny how the dead grass sticks with me, how i remember him drinking bottled water left at someone’s grave at that cemetery.

i will be chattering on about music, as I’m prone to do these days, but now that I’ve mentioned it, I have a certain connection to the song Home, by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.

the first verse means nothing to me. neither of us have been to Alabama or Arkansas (as far as i know), and neither of us quite love our parents, and it’s debatable whether we both love each other at the moment.

the second and third verses are equally meaningless. even if i hoped the sentiments about unique love and best friendship were true.

the fourth verse has a tad of meaning.

Chocolate candy, Jesus Christ

i introduced him to chocolate straight out the freezer. It’s the only way I’ll eat it nowadays.

Home is wherever I’m with you

the chorus is my favorite, mostly because i hoped we’d find home in each other.

I’ll follow you into the park

Through the jungle, through the dark

for obvious reason, this part’s meaningful. the latest time we met in person it was nightfall, in a park.

Alleyways and pay phone calls

I’ve been everywhere with you

we kind of ran out of places to take each other for the time being. we were sitting in an alleyway for the first time hanging out post breakup.

Laugh until we think we’ll die

Barefoot on a summer night

Never could be sweeter than with you

for someone who told me i tasted sweet when we kissed, he sure left a bittersweet taste in my mouth. we always managed to laugh at the bad jokes we made together.

jade and Alexander’s monologue in the middle has barely anything i can directly relate to, but the lines

I was falling deep, deeply in love with you

And I never told you ‘til just now

just struck me as some words I wanted to tell him, but didn’t.

nine minutes: the duration of our broken silence today, and not a single ‘I love you’ uttered between us. we had to leave so many things unspoken, like dirty dishes haphazardly placed in the sink on the way out the door. nine minutes, nearly two minutes per week spent in silence. hearing him smile through the phone was worth the risk. it felt dangerous, reaching back out again, but what’s love without a little risk? the what-if’s don’t have to stay that way. every what-if blooming into a when-we. we, because that unsent message I could swear was ghostwritten by him that said he needed me, was unhappy without me, cut deep.

—i almost told him my vampire costume idea. he always wanted to sink his teeth into something.

[millennialgrandma]

OK OK OK I'VE FINALLY WATCHED THE FIRST HALF OF SEASON 3 AND I'M SCREAM. I AM NOTHING BUT A FERAL FUCKING WHORE