#jealousy like all emotions is not inherently negative

[yuechihua]

How do you think Harumasa would deal with jealousy? Like do you think he's the type to easily get jealous and get all clingy or would he act a bit cold towards the reader?

Oh, this was super interesting to think about!! It took me a while to formulate my thoughts on how I think Harumasa would deal with jealousy, just because I think it's such a complex emotion, and he's such a complex person.

In my Bangboo fic, I wrote about him handling his jealousy in a more light-hearted way, where he acts overly clingy and makes jokes, and doesn't really mind when reader brushes him off. Part of this is is because it's a non-serious situation, and part of this is is because if he's close enough to care for someone, then there's usually a strong level of trust involved where he won't feel insecure in their relationship. He doesn't open up to just anyone!

This is how I think he acts in general when it comes to jealousy: if it's a more casual situation, then he might play up his reaction as part of a joke, but he doesn't really think too much about it/actually feel that upset. I think he tends to respect people he loves too much to easily get jealous over their other friends/life/people hitting on them etc.

Additionally, I think jealousy mainly stems from insecurity, and Harumasa's brand of issues doesn't really revolve around low self-esteem. I think he's generally pretty confident and reasonable, and has a decent control and understanding of his own emotions, so he wouldn't lash out at reader, either.

If anything, I think jealousy for him would mainly arise out of anxiety over the factors in his life that he can't control, and he would need a lot of compounding stressors to really make the jealousy settle in. In that case, he'll still try to pass it off as a joke and act clingy, but he's a bit more subdued and serious about it and holds reader for a little longer than he usually would, before letting go abruptly and pretending he's fine. He wouldn't complain if reader noticed how he felt and was a little nicer to him than usual, though.

[awkwardandeccentric]

We need to talk about how Stolas doesn’t have a single jealous bone in his body.

My birb husband went to a party with 100+ people who all have had sex with Blitz. The only negative emotions he feels are annoyance at having been invited at all and uncomfortable because he’s such a wallflower. But he doesn’t have any feeling of possessiveness towards Blitz. Blitz is his own person, they were never exclusive, and Stolas has figured out a long time ago that Blitz likes being a huge slut. He even has fun because he doesn’t view any of them as competition or like they took something that belongs to him.

But Blitz will growl and bark like a dog at the IDEA that ANYONE would be sexually attracted to birb husband. ‘No! Bird brain is mine! MINE!’

It’s such an interesting detail because Stolas has contradictory levels of maturity. He’s simultaneously emotionally stunted and a wise soul. But he is mature enough to know you can’t own another person and jealousy is beneath him. Despite all Blitz’s proclamations, Stolas never viewed him as an object. But Blitz views Stolas as his. He was ready to start knawing at Better Than Blitzø guy’s leg for kissing his birb. Jealousy is inherently objectifying. ‘You’re trying to take this thing that belongs to me.’

So…more projection, maybe?

Stolas is also mature enough to know he doesn’t love Blitz. He’s always said he ‘cares deeply’ for Blitz. Because that awful night at Ozzie’s reminded him that he doesn’t actually know this guy all that well. He wants to know this guy…but he doesn’t. Blitz is the one who brings up love. Blitz is the one who is surprised when Stolas is a talented singer. Blitz is the one who didn’t know that Stolas can drink most people under the table.

Idk. Just something noteworthy to me. Another example of reversed expectations. The rich, privileged kid never getting weird about Blitz having 100+ sexual partners (and those are only the people who showed up) and Blitz, the poor scrappy one frothing at the mouth when someone touches his birb.

[apartmentsmoke]

A Breakdown of BuckTommy's Storyline Going Into Season 8 - Part II (Their Relationship)

Part I here.

With part II, I want to dive into what we know about their relationship going into Season 8, how their relationship is going, and how it might affect the other characters in the show.

The first explicit mention of Buck and Tommy's relationship's was in TVLine's preview. Tim Minear mentioned that Buck and Tommy are "still getting to know each other a little better" and the article mentions they are "going strong." Their relationship is mentioned positively in contrast to Buck's relationship with Gerrard, which is a negative relationship for him.

The TVLine article also mentions that Buck will have someone to complain to. We've already seen that Buck feels comfortable with opening up to Tommy about his emotions (the coffee date in 7.05 and dinner scene in 7.10), and that Tommy knows Buck enough to tell when he is uncomfortable and might want to talk about something. While they are still learning about each other, they've both demonstrated that they're treating their relationship seriously, and, going into Season 8, they are "a couple."

Tim Minear also mentioned that they are comfortable with each other, which builds from a Season 7 interview where he stated that Buck "feels safe" with Tommy. While they have some minor troubles, the foundation of their relationship is strong going into Season 8.

In the EW article, Tim Minear mentions that they also feel comfortable hanging out with Eddie. Eddie is Buck's best friend and Tommy's friend. I suspect this means that we will see at least one scene, and possibly more, with all three of them. We haven't seen the three of them interacting without other people there before, so I look forward to what that dynamic will be like. I think the three of them will have an easy dynamic, since the emotions from 7.04 have been worked out - Buck realized the source of his jealousy, he and Tommy are now dating, and Eddie has no issue with his friends' sexualities. If there is any tension, I think it will be because Eddie is third wheeling on a new couple who are still learning about each other and there is an inherent awkwardness in that, especially when it's two of your friends and you're trying to figure out that new dynamic.

The next thing Tim Minear mentioned was that "when you couple up with somebody, it takes up some of your time...Buck doesn't have as much free time as he did before." The way I interpret this to mean is that Buck will be spending quite a bit of time with Tommy. We knew he already was - Bobby clocks that he's going to spend the night with him, and Buck goes home to have dinner with Tommy - but it's further confirmation that we will be getting more scenes of them as a couple in Season 8.

The part I elided said that Eddie will be "a little bit out in the cold," which I interpret to mean that we may see fewer Buck and Eddie scenes in Season 8. The two are best friends, so I am positive they will have some scenes together, but Eddie will have to find someone else for support. He usually leans heavily on Buck - something that Ryan Guzman has said is a pattern for Eddie that "doesn't offer maturity" and that Eddie should be "self-reflective" and realize that he has to deal with difficult conversations alone. Tim Minear also mentions that "everything was stripped away from Eddie" and it's "time for him to figure out who the hell he is."

A pre-occupied Buck also offers Eddie chances to interact more with other characters. Ryan Guzman has said that Eddie "might be seeking out Cap in a way that he never has before." He has also stated he wants scenes with Maddie, Karen, and Athena. Not being as tied to Buck allows Eddie a chance to grow as a character and develop new relationships.

I expect to see Buck and Tommy's relationship growing - and the audience seeing that through their scenes together. It also provides opportunities for the writers to explore new dynamics for other characters who often spend time with Buck. We saw in the deleted scene that Hen and Karen were curious about their relationship, and Hen comments on them when they walk into the hospital room together.

In short, their relationship adds new dimensions to the show. Buck enters a relationship with a man and navigates the 118's past. Tommy is recontextualized, and provides a support for Buck while also having his past with the 118 explored. Even though the season is just beginning, their relationship is already woven into the show, and isn't shoved off into its own space. It's ripe for exploration, and I am excited for what comes next for them.

[oceansarepink]

Hey pink did you saw the new 4chan leak?

https://desuarchive.org/co/thread/145383112/#145394767

But the main thing for me was that Leviathan is a queen obsessed with fashion, and in principle, Envy is based on fashion(i already love her omg slay queen 😔)

We can’t assume these are real. So let’s talk in hypotheticals.

Leviathan sounds like “Him” from PPG. Using a drag queen who is evil, to embody jealousy is…a choice. A choice that could become queer phobic at light speed. I think the sins are more important to the story and world building, than stolas and his entire Bridgerton family bullshit only a few stolitz stans care about. And really, everyone is gay in hell? Everyone?

I think the idea of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sins is childish. But especially sin embodiments who are pure good and didn’t at least work to get that way, is plain oxymoron. Sloth Lust and Gluttony are not better than Wrath Envy and Greed. One half is focussed on self indulgence, the other on harming others directly. BOTH are bad.

I wish she did a little more research into how hierarchy and power works. But this is a millionaire we have to remember …

There are no good monarchs, drug lords, and factory owners, if there is an oppressed working class and caste system. Even ‘nice’ gentle personalities can be part of the supremacist caste.

It makes a lot more sense to me if they are all morally dubious. Beelzebub and Asmodeus are both favourites, making them “nice” just because they’re faves, requires explaining their role in oppression as “they can’t help it” that writing is cowardly?!

“Asmodeus didn’t have a choice but to build fizz robots in his factory, and didn’t profit off it!” -> but that’s ridiculous. He’s not a helpless woobie. He should’ve had agency and decide to willingly work with mammon and sin openly, then changed when he grew close to fizz.

“Beelzebub hates the caste system and pounds but she can’t change it!” -> she feeds off of her subjects, keeps them happy and drunk, can’t handle negative emotions. She caused Ver to become an addict and enables her. The hell pounds is the same as a government leader not understanding how bad the foster care system and not prioritising it. She was the biggest potential for a morally grey character.

Why are you throwing out moral ambiguity and extremely interesting story elements??? !!

The only one that does make sense is Belphegor. This demon has been described throughout as an inherently neutral entity. One that refused to pick a side in the hell vs heaven conflict.

If I can add alternative.

Lucifer - a deadbeat leader too obsessed with himself to see the damage he has done and how his nation is suffering. he becomes malicious if questioned. Callous Neglect. He is malicious.

Beelzebub - The epitome of an addict. She is too engrossed in feeding off of energy like a parasite to enact her duties as a leader. She ‘cares’ about her subjects when they foul her mood and don’t feed her. Her addiction causes her to blackout frequently and forget years of memories. Her nature prevents reel growth. But she quickly removes and discards them. Like most government leaders she doesn’t prioritise having any improvements made to the foster care system, or more closely hells equivalent to puppy mills. She likely allows the system because she has no idea how to handle hellhound overpopulation. Think of her as being a teenager in charge of a bunch of babies and children. She lacks the maturity required. She’d rather sneak out to the club and give her baby a piece of bread to gnaw on while she’s gone.

Bee is the sin with the most gray morality potential but Vivienne medrano is terrified of moral greyness, the closest attempt is Alastor and Blitzø/imp. Bee is not malicious and dangerous. But she is not good either. As she is immortal, she doesn’t understand mortality and the fear around it. Marie Antoinette is actually a perfect figure to invoke, she was interested primarily in indulgence, while not the most malicious of the royals, not pure evil, but she was complacent and deeply classist in a polite seeming way.

Asmodeus - Because lust is a social sin, requiring interaction, it makes perfect sense that Oz would want his citizens to mingle with each other beyond castes and with himself for maximum pleasure. Lust also thrives off subverting power dynamics. I think him being non malicious but obsessively lustful and defensive of his sin, makes perfect sense to me. Like Bee, he cares only about having a good time. Any malice is hidden so the citizens don’t flee. But like porn does to the mind, it numbs it, erodes someone’s integrity emotional intelligence and their decision making skills. It really irks me that the Vees are a far better ��sin of lust” symbol than Asmodeus who has become quite pathetic?

Basically, his “Ozzies” characterisation would be perfect if it wasn’t a facade.

Beelzebub - She’s a drug Lord. Enough said. She’s the embodiment of the evils of the Pharmaceutical industry. She’s also too lazy to be confrontational and violent. The real bel is like this.

[henry-the-queer-artist]

''Why Are Villian Songs Always So Good?'': a rant about intensity and negative emotions in musical characters

tedtalk by yours truly

So, I've found myself asking, ''Why are Villian Songs so good?'' and here is my reasoning behind it:

I find that villian songs are more likely to make me physically feel something, whether that be sickness or intensity or literally anything, they make me feel some way. And the reason I think that is is because villian songs show more of strong, negative emotions that we never get to see with heroes.

So, I'm going to get to the main point of this post, which is LET HEROES EXPERIENCE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS.

Not only would it improve their songs, but it would make them much more complex. For example, a song sung by a hero that has good representation of a negative emotion could be ''El Tango de Roxanne'' from Moulin Rouge. The reason this song makes me feel is because it doesn't hold itself back from showing a hero experiencing a strong, negative feeling: jealousy.

I seriously need to see more characters that are unapologetically human and have flaws that can actually make you dislike them at times. The problem with a lot of shows is they show their young characters as inherently virtuous. In this example, Christian is acting in such a way that might stun the audience, but when they think about his reaction it makes perfect sense. Romantic characters such as Christian should be paired with a flaw that often comes with following your heart, such as selfishness, jealousy and envy, or deceitfulness.

I know I'm not making a lot of sense with this, but my point is that in order to feel the same powerful sensation that you do with villians' songs, heroes need to able to succumb to their negative emotions at least once in the show. I want to see them step into the shoes of the villian for a moment, I want them to be able, for just a moment, to be on the wrong side of something. Because it shows that good people, such as the heroes of these stories, don't have to appeal to us every second for them to be good characters. I want my main characters to even upset me at some points because it makes them all the more real and raw.

Give romantic characters like Raoul de Chagny or Marius Pontmercy the character flaws that come with being in love. Just like writers give villians redeemable qualities to make them seem more human, we should give more heroes some villainous qualities, because that makes them more human as well.

sorry this was a rant/ramble that just came straight out of the hell that is my brain hope u enjoyed thx

[fumifooms]

The core of Fullmetal Alchemist: All is one and Dwarf in the flask

Dwarf in a bottle is in my top 5 favorite FMA characters. No, not Father, that emotionless bland white bread empty husk, Dwarf, the whole. The sort of ball of void, the existential anomaly, so inhumanely human full with sins and individuality.

Fullmetal Alchemist is about willpower. About determination, about pursuing your goals without relenting. It is also about humility and about knowledge.

That is reflected in both the protagonist and the villain, though it is a theme common in most characters.  Both Edward and Dwarf in a bottle pursue their goals with great determination and will. Then, what is good with the manner of one and wrong with the other’s?

I believe a lot of it is about the very concept Dwarf symbolizes. Dwarf in the flask is artificiality.

An alchemy-made life. An artificial family. An artificial pursuit of knowledge and power, without caring about the journey of self-betterment that comes along with it, without caring to understand alchemy and its place in the world. Not only an artifical physical being, but also artificial emotionally; ripping apart his feelings and personality traits deemed negative to make himself into a “superior” being.

I think it’s also worth noting that yes, purging sins out of himself makes him lose those traits, even feelings. Then, if not greed, if not it all, what is pushing Father to pursue power? Greed said it himself: greed isn’t inherently bad, it’s the act of wanting. Father isn’t spiraling into a mad passion for alchemy, a pursuit of knowledge for innovation, or anything, he pursued his plan because he went through the motions, simply. As his feelings left him, all that stayed was the conviction without reasoning that since it was his plan before, he should see it to the end. Or perhaps it’s the course of action he logically came to. Perhaps alchemical enlightenment was deemed the obvious ultimate goal to have, without being interested in why it is or why it should be. Regardless, he lacks the passion and emotional intelligence to actually see the value in what he is doing, in alchemy, and ultimately that is what is punished.

I want to do a full dissection of the whole homunculus family, but I’m going to touch on some aspects of it here because it’s such an interesting topic to me. Disregarding Lust’s claim that homunculi are all individuals with a full range of emotions for a moment, I want to analyze what their traits mean in the angle that they fundamentally formed a whole all together as Father, or Dwarf in the flask.  The homunculus that is shown to be the most attached to his family members is Gluttony. The homunculus that is shown to be the most attached to relationships, in general, is Greed. Greed and Gluttony are then the homunculi, the traits, that care about people the most. And that makes sense, no? You don’t want to lose things you care about, you want to bathe in their love and their presence, and you want to keep having them for as long as you want, greed and gluttony aren’t unsimilar. Greed is interested in friendship and having companions, in possessing people’s hearts and loyalties, in making new connections and bonding with new faces. Gluttony is more interested in getting more of what he already has, more love in that way he already likes by the person he already loves, like wanting more of the familiar taste of its favorite meal. Other similar traits are pride and envy, the traits that affect your self-image. The feeling that you are remarkable and great and the feeling of wanting what others have or are, valuing yourself vs comparing yourself to others. By detaching parts of a whole, things get lost; Pride feels wholly superior but is ready to do anything to preserve himself including lowering himself to inferior beings going against his own code, while Envy only covers up his self-hatred and jealousy but would rather end himself before accepting to sully himself with the compassion of someone he looks down upon. Pride makes one value self-preservation, while envy is self-destructive by nature, perhaps. It is interesting that both feel prideful, yet Pride doesn’t reflect the fact that as part of a whole it also felt shame and low self-esteem, otherized, and Envy doesn’t reflect that Dwarf actually feels pride over traits they possess, as well. The truth is that these things coexisted in the one being that was Dwarf. Fragmented as they are, they only tell an uncomplete and incoherent story, like a puzzle. It’s ironic that maybe together, all these sins balance each other out to become healthier, less dysfunctional. Like a family, they can offer counterbalance to a trait when it becomes too central to the individual, offer support through their grounding presence. Someone slothful may feel unmotivated without greed to give them goals, pride without envy will make you stop striving to better yourself and envy without pride will give you self-loathing.

An analysis of Dwarf isn’t complicated to do: it was a being brought about by scholars and complex alchemy, enslaved, and it wished to get the power to free itself and become an individual equal/superior to everyone else. Unable to become physically and fundamentally human, he attempted to become a proxy, close enough to it; making a family, gaining a human form, etc. It ultimately wished to pursue superiority through alchemical power and knowledge when he found the result lacking, when it still didn’t feel human, couldn’t connect with others, still felt fundamentally different, like his place in the universe was somewhere else, like striving for that higher calling would solve it. Blinded by lust to find belonging, wether it be in a place or in a role, it pushed itself to extremes of alchemy in the hope it will all make sense once he gets there. Ultimately futile, as he will end up feeling betrayed and abandoned by Truth itself, not able to rise up to its own expectations once more: because there’s no magic able to make one feel whole. He seeked to sculpt himself into a perfect being, one that could be anything and do anything, one that couldn’t be reproached, if not by humans, then the world itself would confirm and showcase his objective superiority for all to see.

Much like with Shou Tucker, this pursuit for knowledge and power is all for external factors, there is no inner fuel for it besides pride, shame, desperate want that was displaced onto alchemy instead of the self-introspection that alchemy promotes and necessitates. Dwarf ended up missing what was right under his nose, and subsequently failed the test of Truth and lost everything. What he was working towards ultimately meant nothing, not to anyone and not even to himself.

Edward was able to face Truth right because he took the time to understand, learned to not abuse it, reflected on what it all meant, on the place of things in the universe. That is terrifying for Dwarf, who is terrified he may simply have no place in it, but it is nonetheless essential. The other homunculi are proof enough: Greed had friends, was accepted in the friend group of our heroes as a trustworthy and dependable person, Ling would have preferred him to stay with him forever instead of leaving. Selim gets a second chance at life with someone who has loved him with all her heart… Which is the most confusing part of FMA I have no idea how he didn’t die ngl but I’m glad for the precious lil guy~ Even Lust and Gluttony found companionship and care in being together.

Dwarf has always had a place. He simply refused to philosophizes, and alchemists are ultimately philosophers. Not thinking power through, not analyzing it, is what leads to corrupt military states. Dwarf wanted to be recognized and accepted by god and the world itself, by showing himself worthy of it and demanding it, but he was the one who rejected the nature of the world first:

One is all, all is one.

He is the very embodiment of refusing that. Dwarf always had a place in the world, artificial anomaly as he was. Perhaps Dwarf wasn’t meant to be part of this all or this one initially, not created by the world, but. Dwarf seeked to become both all and none at once. He was born artificial, but never cared to learn the rules of nature and accept the limits of the world, seeking to destroy and warp them; he was the one that desired to make himself even more distinct from the world and label himself as a perfect, artificial being. Rejecting individuality to become some empty looking glass was the mistake Edward Elric didn’t make, growing to find the value in every type of life and finding the strength to keep going through every horror of the world. Dwarf’s folly was thinking that he was separate from the rest of existence.

The philosophical dimension to the value of gold or philosopher’s stones are the important part of alchemy, power isn’t what you achieve enlightenment through. May your pursuit of knowledge be wise and your resolve aim true.

–+–+–+–+–+–+–

I recommend this analysis by another tumblr user as complementary reading!! It goes over way more than I did and encompasses more of fma than this post, I just wanted to focus on a fraction of the themes and narrative that I found summed up the story’s key points well… Idk idk I’m a humble Dwarf enjoyer I don’t want to come across as pretentious 🙇 I can only hope this was a nice read. If you don’t remember the ending of the manga/brotherhood well I imagine this being very confusing, I should do something about that

[olrastrologytarot]

Exploring the Paths of Lightworkers, Shadow Workers, and Grey Workers

In the spiritual and metaphysical communities, there is often discussion about the distinct roles that individuals may take on in their journeys of personal and collective healing. Among these roles, lightworkers, shadow workers, and grey workers represent three primary archetypes, each with its own approach to growth, healing, and transformation. While these paths share the common goal of fostering understanding and balance, the methods and focus of their work differ significantly.

Lightworkers: Uplifting Through Positivity and Light

Lightworkers are those who consciously work with energies of positivity, love, and higher vibrational frequencies. Their mission is to raise the collective consciousness by spreading light and healing. Lightworkers often focus on compassion, unity, and spiritual awakening, offering support and healing to others by encouraging a higher state of being.

Lightworkers often work in fields such as energy healing (Reiki, crystal healing), counseling, and spiritual teaching, and they are drawn to meditative practices, positive affirmations, and tools that invoke feelings of peace and love. They are associated with promoting balance through the elimination of fear and negative energies, often creating environments where individuals feel safe, empowered, and supported.

Their focus tends to be on the positive aspects of life—finding joy, expressing gratitude, and aligning with divine or universal energies of love. Lightworkers often emphasize the idea that we are all inherently good and divine and that through aligning with the light, we can transcend lower vibrational emotions like fear, anger, and jealousy.

However, some critiques of the lightworker path suggest that it can sometimes lead to spiritual bypassing—ignoring deeper, uncomfortable aspects of the self or world in favor of a more surface-level positivity. This is where the other spiritual paths, such as shadow work, become essential.

Shadow Workers: Embracing the Darkness for Transformation

In contrast, shadow workers take a deep dive into the darker, hidden aspects of both the self and the collective unconscious. Inspired by Carl Jung’s concept of the “shadow,” these individuals work with the aspects of human experience that are often repressed, ignored, or deemed undesirable—such as pain, trauma, fear, and anger.

Where lightworkers focus on raising the vibration by connecting with positive energy, shadow workers believe that true transformation comes from facing and integrating the darker aspects of the self. This might involve working through past traumas, releasing karmic patterns, and confronting personal and societal shadows.

Shadow workers often engage in practices that focus on inner work, such as journaling, deep psychological exploration, and spiritual practices that focus on the integration of the whole self, rather than just the parts that are pleasant or desirable. By bringing these “shadows” into the light, they aim to transmute negative energy into something useful and empowering. Shadow work is often messy, emotional, and deeply personal, but it is considered one of the most profound ways to achieve lasting growth and self-awareness.

While shadow workers might be more comfortable in spaces of discomfort, they are often misunderstood, as their path is more about accepting pain, hardship, and imperfection rather than avoiding or denying it. They understand that darkness is an integral part of the human experience and that embracing it leads to deeper healing and wisdom.

Grey Workers: The Balance Between Light and Dark

Grey workers embody a unique balance between the light and the dark, embracing both aspects of the self and the world. While lightworkers and shadow workers may focus more heavily on one side of the spectrum, grey workers are committed to walking the line between both, integrating light and dark into a harmonious whole.

Grey workers understand that life consists of both shadow and light and that true spiritual growth requires one to navigate and accept both. They don’t shy away from the beauty and joy of light, but they also do not fear or reject the darkness. Grey workers see the duality of existence as something to embrace, rather than something to split into opposing forces.

These individuals are often found working in spaces that require both the compassion of the light and the courage to confront shadows. Grey workers might be involved in alchemy, shamanism, or other paths that require a deep understanding of balance. They work to help others integrate both their positive and negative aspects, promoting wholeness rather than division.

Grey workers believe that neither light nor dark can exist without the other, and that both are necessary for personal and spiritual evolution. Their approach might involve using light to heal, but also descending into the depths of the shadow to confront difficult truths. In doing so, they represent the middle path, where both aspects of reality are honored and embraced as necessary for growth.

Conclusion: Three Paths, One Goal

While the paths of lightworkers, shadow workers, and grey workers might seem divergent, they all serve a common purpose: spiritual growth and healing. Lightworkers shine a light on positivity and love, shadow workers dive into the depths of the human experience, and grey workers find the balance between the two. Each path offers unique tools and insights for personal development, and individuals might resonate with different paths at different times in their spiritual journey.

Ultimately, the key difference lies in the approach: lightworkers lift with positivity, shadow workers heal through confrontation and acceptance of the darkness, and grey workers balance both in an integrated, holistic practice. Each role is valuable and necessary, contributing to the complex and multifaceted nature of spiritual growth and healing.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

i know you were technically doing hot takes yesterday, but i’m just going to say it: i think in truth, john and paul were just too different to ever be what the other needed. now that’s not to say i don’t think they were the spark that lit the other like 1000 flames, their connection was definitely 1 in 10000000. but i think part of their success was that tension between them, the fact that they were opposite in certain senses. they both brought something to the table. and i’m not talking about the generic paul wrote positive upbeat poppy songs/john wrote cutting, edgy lyrical songs that made you think.

i mean that paul was always driven by the force in big decisions to reflect and then act. whereas john was more, go big or go home (“my position has always been the devil in the deep blue sea.”) and that’s fine, because inherently what they’re both doing in that instance is doing what they feel is right. the problem arises really though in those disagreements and how the emotions are manifested in those disagreements. whereas paul would kind of just try to sweep it under the rug (à la “oh trepanning is fun? you go do it first, and then tell me about it”) john may react more negatively, exert the peer pressure—see the case with paul and LSD and not wanting to try it with them.

they were both stubborn. in fact, it’s probably one of the things they liked about each other. they could stand their ground. but, at the same time, that gets tiring after a while, particularly because relationships are about compromise. and really, it’s one thing to be stubborn about music choices, completely different when it comes to business and financial choices.

also, i think people often forget that they actually needed time apart, even during their beatle years. cynthia in particular literally mentions at one point that often times, after long periods of writing sessions, they needed to get away from each other as it was just too much.

and something else to really take into consideration is the jealousy aspect, which at some point turned into growing envy. and unfortunately, it manifested a lot in john’s case, where i just don’t see him never not putting up a barrier against paul, lest they went back to their teenage-gang-role days. i’m not saying paul was never jealous of john, they were definitely competitive with each other. but to the extent of not wanting your friend to hold your child, of writing in your diary about how much money your friend has compared to you, of asking your tarot card reader if your friends marriage is on the brink of failure, of writing funeral on top of your friends wedding photo, this is something that was brewing internally for a long time. and honestly, it wasn’t good for john, and it wasn’t good for paul. and contrary to what paul may say now, im sure resentment and frustrations grew from that. there were deep seated emotions that needed to be worked out apart from each other, and i mean in a professional help setting, not just by speaking to your significant other about it. unfortunately, time was cut short.

i don’t deny they truly loved each other, and that they viewed each other as one of the most important people in their respective lives. but i actually feel that deep down, they knew that they needed to be apart, they couldn’t be those teens forever, and i don’t think they wanted to be. they grew out of those roles. that’s what life is about. loving someone, but understanding that sometimes, what once worked won’t always work. and as always, john/paul had different ways of reacting to that. paul as a reflector, trying to reach out and reminisce about those long gone memories, and john’s “out of sight, out of mind” way of thinking.

we’ll never be those kids again.

sorry if this was long.

You know, all of this seems incredibly reasonable to me and balanced, but it interests me that you think of it as a hot take... In the sense that to me most of these things seem… really logical and not really contested?

So I guess, I'm wondering if you have thoughts on why you felt like this is underdiscussed in fandom? Because I'm wondering myself now if JohnandPaul as a relationship are treated in a more romanticized way these days within the fandom. I feel like that's somewhat of a trend I've observed, I don't know if it's because of Now And Then or something else though.

[youaremysunshiness]

the shadow side

there's this common misconception about gossiping and i think a lot of people confuse venting with gossip. whenever my friends decide to share something personal about someone or something that made us frustrated in some way, they label it as "talking shit," which i don't think is true. i think opening up to friends about something or someone frustrating isn't toxic in any way, as long as it's with people you trust and are close to. it's one thing to talk about someone negatively because you're in pain or frustrated with their behavior with close friends because you need someone to talk to. it's another thing to go around telling people you barely know or trust why you dislike someone because you're feeling pissed or petty. that's how the word gets spread around and ends up harming people. gossip is inherently petty and harmful, and most of the time it's not true, or it's misinformation of some kind.

i use this blog to vent about things that frustrate me sometimes and sometimes i channel my frustration into art, and i don't think there's any harm in that, as long as you're not throwing out names and calling people out in your art (except a corrupt politician or dictator of some kind, then go right ahead). it's okay to let out the negativity sometimes. just because venting involves saying some things that aren't pretty, doesn't mean you're a bad person. if someone hurt you, you're allowed to talk about it in a private safe space.

however, i'm mostly talking about venting about injustice here. i'm not talking about finding petty reasons to dislike someone or talking about their personal life. if you don't like someone because of the way they dress or you personally find their personality irritating, then that's something you have to look at closer within yourself. i'm not saying this to act like i'm "holier than thou." we all have petty grievances and jealousy issues because we're human and we can't be happy and positive all the time. we have bad days and that's okay, but i think it's best to keep those issues to yourself to work on. don't bottle it up, or judge yourself. there have been plenty of times where i didn't like someone because i was jealous of them and i wanted to believe that they weren't as great as they appeared because their light illuminated my darkness, my insecurities, and i believed they were above me. i put them above me. not them. i thought they had something that i didn't, but it's not like i didn't have that quality that i was jealous of, it was that i didn't believe that i had that quality within me. like any other emotion, jealousy is a signal, and one of the loudest signals of insecurity. certain things trigger us for a reason and do not judge yourself for it. allow yourself to feel it and just observe that emotion and ask yourself, "why is this triggering me? what can i learn from this?" negative emotions fester because we judge ourselves for having them.

i always had such a big issue with anger. i was raised catholic and believed that anger was a sin. (which isn't true. even Jesus got angry and he didn't suppress it! he lashed out at the temple of God and he's still considered a man without sin) even when i drifted away from religion, i still had that subconscious association. i used to suppress my anger because i always judged myself for being angry which accumulated into resentment. i always felt like i wasn't heard because i wasn't listening to the part of me that was angry and honoring her. i was neglecting a part of myself, which was my shadow self, and therefore i felt neglected by other people when i was angry. it's okay to have a shadow side, it's just the part of you that's afraid, it's your neglected inner child. love that shadow and tell them it's going to be okay. that's why negative emotions like jealousy and anger can be so loud sometimes. they just want to be heard. so listen, and your shadow will calm down because you're not pushing them away anymore.

the truth is, no one is above anyone. we're all the same and we're all equal regardless of class, race, gender, background, and i'm not saying that those things don't matter or affect us in society, but spiritually, we're all the same.

[scalamore]

(Spoiler/thoughts)

I really really like how this series puts so much effort to show readers how and why Rupert grows to like Lari so much, but is also consistent in his characterization of someone who barely knew how to emote to someone who shows his emotions freely. Later on Rupert reveals that he had always known Lari was the real princess of the Empire. She was always on his hit list of people to eliminate at some point. He wasn’t kidding when he warned her in the earlier chapters that he could have her killed at any moment, and it would easy to cover it up as an accident. After all, living in the palace is inherently dangerous. But just because he could, didn’t mean he should. True to his personality at the time, he considered getting rid of her early on, but decided against it because she didn’t do anything wrong and it would leave a bad taste in his mouth to do so. So he said he would revisit the idea later…. And unfortunately he had to in this current arc. He had said, in chapter 45, that one of the reasons why he accepted Lari to be his lady-in-waiting, because he saw how normal and human she was, and that’s something he also craved - to be normal. He views himself as a monster, that will inevitably continue to be one who will finally rise up once he amassed enough power to destroy everything, but a part of him felt empty, and he wanted to be a [human] rather than a [monster].

For a while now - he hasn’t thought about it - but he realized how he hasn’t considered himself as a monster in a long time. He hasn’t thought about the emptiness/void in his heart he felt at that time either. He hasn’t really paid attention to all the emotions he feels now either. He had started off with a lot of the negative ones such as anger, despair, fear, anxiety, annoyance; but over the course of S2 and S3 he’s learned emotion such as happiness, sadness, jealousy, worry for others etc…. Especially the feeling of genuinely like/loving someone.

Like he said before, he doesn’t understand emotions. He asks Lari about it sometimes, like how it felt to be happy, sad, upset etc, but he never quite understood it despite her explanations. So it makes sense why despite being so obvious with his affection for her, wanting the best for her and wanting to spend time and chat with her as much as possible, Rupert himself doesn’t understand that that feeling is [liking someone]. This whole time, he reasoned that he [likes] the things that belonged to him. Since Lari belonged to him, then of course she’s included and he [likes] her too. But what he overlooked, is how the [like] he has for Lari, is much different than the [like] he has for the raccoon or Tory, the other “things” that he owns. It’s a more intense [like] that encompasses the feelings one would get when they love and care for someone dearly.

And he really does struggle with it. To the point where he thought the feelings of always wanting to be with her, his fear of her leaving him for whatever reason terrified him, and he thought that such feelings of wanting to possess her was like a curse.

Yet Lari never felt THAT inconvenienced by his possessiveness. She just thought he had personality issues from being too territorial of his belongings, he needed to chill out and relax, and wow the guy needs a lot of reassurance otherwise he gets too cranky ^^;. It’s not that the series is downplaying it and making it seem lighthearted (it isn’t, it hammers down that possessiveness is big bad), but rather, that despite Rupert agonizing over it and the “what ifs”, he still treats Lari well, and when he does start acting possessive and oversteps her boundaries, she lets him know about it, like during the debutante event. When you think about it another way, Rupert is really considerate towards Lari. He’s treasuring her the best he can despite not having experienced living with those that love and care for him (mmm homicidal parents). It makes sense to me that despite his roughness at the start and rejecting everything Lari did at the start, that now since he had developed feelings, he naturally starts treating her well simply because he wants to, but he also wants her to treat him similarly as well. I REALLY like how Rupert doesn’t treat Lari’s feelings as some sort of transaction: despite him the one treating her well, giving her gifts, giving her security in life, he never pressures her to return his feelings. Like when there was a scare he might have been poisoned, he huffed off because he was annoyed that she didn’t immediately worry about him. He was upset and jealous when Lari worried about Lehan’s health when she saw him smoking but not his. Technically Lari did give a good excuse: that Lehan is her younger, impressionable BROTHER. HER FAMILY. While Rupert is the crown prince, he can do whatever he want lol. It is cute that he did hint that he did want her to worry about him.

The debutante as well - Rupert mentions that although he didn’t expect Lari to change her behavior towards him, he did hope that she’ll appreciate him more for sponsoring her? I thought this was a super interesting take on the situation: Yes, Rupert had the intent to make Lari’s debute glamorous to send a message she belonged to him, but also hoped to woo Lari with his wealth, and it is fair for him to hope that she’ll view him differently for it, maybe even like him more; but it is also fair that Lari appreciates that gift, since he is the one who offered to sponsor her, and the one who willingly spent an excessive amount for her. Sorry Rupe, you can’t buy Lari’s feelings with money ^^;

[ilikelookingatthings]

I mean...in Gabe's defense...homeschool isn't inherently a bad thing and Emilie was in on that to. So I don't think the isolated him for 14 years completely counts since it seems Adrien had Chloe and Felix until his mom 'disappeared'. Adrien didn't seem that bothered til the mom was gone which was what? 6 months before origin? until Adrien decided to pull a anna from frozen to contrast Gabe being a elsa.

That said I DO see your point. hmmm I think the nicest thing Gabe ever did was let everyone stay for christmas after everyone went searching for adrien when gabe was late to come down...and maybe Gabe letting Adrien go to school? Maybe when Gabe very thoroughly apologized back in collector? or let adrien go to marinette;s birthday party.

To befairISH to the show....I THINK they were trying to imply that that Gabe getting that much worse was a side affect from using his miraculous the wrong way over and over and over again.

Amplifying his own negative emotions of grief, sadness, anger, loss, and determination to then feel other people's negative emotions...where he simplified his motive to make it easier to project him goal on the akuma victims who's goals tended to be very different and have nothing to do with what he wanted(since they still need to consent and have their own reasons to say yes). With the unintended side affect of him twisting his hawkmoth persona more and more as the show went on due to amplifying his negative feelings and simplifying his motive so much.

.....this seems like it was what they were going for since they kept making references to collector....which was where he akumatized himself and they mentioned not knowing the side affects of it...where we had seen the 'real' gabe at his heart in a few points in collector...how he was immediately worried for adrien when he turned back. how his apology was VERY thorough to adrien when gabe coudl have gotten away with not apologizing since Adrien DID steal the book. and how Gabe had actually been very understanding when mari brought the book back instead of mad like we'd have all assumed...Gabe had been calm, said it was brave of her to come forward when things had escalated, and she could have gotten away with not coming forward . When he had honestly answered her questions and agreed to not tell Adrien she took or returned the book when she asked Gabe to keep it a secret. hinting that we should take a second look if Gabe is ACTUALLY the worst or if he's just pretending to be to try to get low hanging fruit Akumas to save his wife.

The show had also pointed out that Gabe was not chosen for affinity or trained like mari, adrien or fu were. That he didn't have a properly translated book for most of the series or people who knew the actual history in person(like fu did). and made a point that being even slightly off emotionally can have dire consequences when operating a miraculous.

Fu was just trying to get snacks but the sentibeing sensed his inner resentment and went ballistic eating everyone and everything associated with the miraculous for example.

or how Mari used her power to separate Adrien and Chloe out of Jealousy and her power immediately powered down(which we now know is a safety feature to protect young miraculous) even though it technically freed chat to come to help her since Adrien the took the opportunity to transform. and that Using multiple ones can put a strain on the body or literally drive you insane according to the guardians and fu.

Gabe was actually showing alot of similar signs as his akuma victims. an increased fixation and desperation, increased agression/temper, having difficulty thinking completely logically which causing both dumb mistakes and that they can't see alternate routes to fixing their problems or that what they are doing isn't ACTUALLY going to help them. where Akuma victims also act more evil and do things that seem out of character or more evil despite it making no sense for their original motive. Often not caring or acknowledging the danger they put people we know they care about in.

The importance of Adrien not being there in the final battle (while annoyed to think about) seems to be more about the importance of Gabe NOT knowing that Adrien is Chat. As Gabe has spent the entire show amplifying his fixation and negative feelings in his hawkmoth persona toward ladybug, chat and that the wish is the only way.....it means the times the show had Gabe act EXTRA evil was actually not just Gabe being a terrible person...but gabe acting more out of character as we have SEEN moments that shows he DOES care about Adrien genuinely...which should point to hwo gabe SHOULD have hesitated when finding out because thats his son...not get worse....which means him getting worse was a side affect if his hawkmoth persona/side affects getting triggered both by it involving chat and the miraculous...but it blurring the lines and taking away one of the clear boundaries/people who grounds Gabe's civilian side.

That would also point to the fact Gabe often isolated himself from Adrien also meant Gabe was isolating himself from one of the few people who could have a connection with his normal civilian conscience...as its easy to miss but if Gabe is exposed to adrien for longer than usual in the show Gabe WILL to some degree listen/soften around adrien a bit.

So Gabe not knowing Adrien is chat actually strengthens the affect that bringing up Adrien has to actually get through to Gabe(to some degree).

like don;t get me wrong...Gabe is still terrible and responsible for what he chose to do...but considering the strong Parallels to Marinette and the best version of Gabe(Betterfly).

H ow thematically the show points to thr fact the akumavillians are actually just people in the throws of their negative emotions who feel alone andtry to get their hurt acknowledged or help themselves...but in the WORST ways that in the heat of their emotions...they can't tell is actually making things worse and not going to help them...and the show reminds us these people doing bad things are in fact Victims...a reminder that the source of their bad actions is hurt...and if someone chooses to face them directly (ike LB and Chat)and find the source of their issue/acknowledging it by literally breaking it open(metaphorically).

Then you can then have an opening to talk to them and give them help or a alternative way to actually fix the issue that they couldnt see due to the overwhelming emotions. the show thematically tends to remind the audience that the vilians who act out are in fact the people in pain and in need of help as justpunishing/fighting them won't solve the problem...that you have to stop them from hurting people...not need to enable them doing bad...but also that heros can offer people who might have acted out not realizing they had other options.

I feel like the show was trying to point to the idea that Gabe was suffering from side affects due to how he was using the miraculous in his desperation...side affects from trying to solve his issue with the wrong method...he's still responsible for what he;s done...but that he does have some wiggle room similar to the akuma victims due to the magic where he didn't realize how he was being warped...much like how akma victims justify and don't realize how they are handling a situation isn't actually solving their issue until someone(the hero) breaks open the source of their problem/acknowledges it/finds out what caused them to act that way...where then it gives them a window to be reasoned with where they feel regretful.

and how hard it can be to fight yourself/ your own emotions at that point...and with Gabe it LITERALLY being him dealing with being compelled by the side affects from misusing his miraculous.

That said the show sucks at getting this entirely across since the show had spent so much time undercutting and dismissing any bot of nuance Gabe had by making him act extra evil or worst either immediately after or in the next episode so it makes complete sense why most of us see Gabe as still that abusive asshole who seems to be getting off scotfree and don't give any credit to his more human sides because the show had been distracting us from those humans sides this WHOLE time....like..Mari and Gabe actually have ALOT of strong parallels but its eitehr not acknowledged at all or its acknowledged just enough to try to act like Mari could never end up like Gabe.

My issue is Adrien has NEVER been blind to his Dad's faults...Adrien KNOWS his dad sucks...he cares about his dad still but he's literally known his dad has been handing his emotionally poorly all the way back in season one. Adrien knows his dad was being both distant and controlling due to poorly handling his grief..just as adrien understood felix was acting out due to his negative emotions and same with CHloe due to her family circumstance...Adrien understood that it was coming from hurt but also didn't excuse them entirely. he knew they were wrong in how they handled things and that how they acted isn't justified....but he also chose to reach out anyway becasue he felt that was the right things to do and that lashing out at symatoms wouldn't solve the issues.

Adrien knew his dad relied on Nathalie to choose his birthday gift. He knew his dad makes excuses to miss outing alot. He clearly knows his dad is unreasonable as Adrien feels no guilt sneaking out to school in origins and at other times like in startrain. Adrien knows Adrien has to validate his own feelings because he can't rely on others to validate them for him. contrary to how mari, Felix and the class views him as a Damsel...WE the audience knows Adrien is smart, not as naive as they think and is a Hero.

So Adrien saying things like how his dad is a good dad and that his dad is a hero feels OFF somehow when we the audience KNOW Adrien's view of his dad has had WAY more nuance all the way from the begining of the show.

I'm not gonna lie...something feels sus about it sine we know how bad Gabe was...even more when Chloe was seen a irredeemable when WE the audience know that isn't actually the case as her spiral had literally started due to Hawkmoth taking her family and pollen hostage where she only agreed once he freed them even if they distracted us with the 'want to be queen bee' thing to think it was just her being entitled...

even more when the show has pointed out that Akuma victims are victims as well because they are guided down a worst path by someone emotionally manipulating them/acting like a friend when they aren't...and how we know Chloe was manipulated by hawkmoth and Lila...but Mari hasn't realized that factor since Chloe pushes people away and didn't realize she was a victim...since its malicious because it makes people believe it's their own idea...only it's harder to notice when you don't have a magic butterfly to blame for agreeing.

I think the show is going to point out that Mari was actually off in how she handled the situation not just with Chloe but with Gabe...and that Chat will be the one to see the importance of clearing everything out in the open.

That said i still agreeing with ripping Gabe a complete new one at all times. seriously he just fucked off and died? and while there is potential here still the show is still hit and a lot of miss with execution and tone!

its giving off the energy of getting the right answer with the wrong equation and that it will blow up in its face. I hope Gabe comes back somehow to get ripped a new one by Adrien/chat like he deserves.

gabe has the energy of someone who knows THEIR motive but doesn't realize howtheir actions comes across when the other person doesn't know what they know. like how gabe just acted the way he did to get adrien on a plane back to safty in the newyork special quickly....even though it was clearly a dick move when Adrien had everyright to go on the trip and the only one making the danger was Gabe and how Adrien not knowing the details is just blaming himself and feelings the worst.

I'm still baffled though by Gabe acting like a dick about adrien dating mari...like in chat blanc it was clearly gabe trying to force abreakup to get a easy akuma victim where it wasn't actually personal...where if he lost like usually he probably planned to be 'convinced' and assume all it good like usual...but we've clearly seen Gabe clearly admire Mari out of everyone of Adrien's friends and Gabe knows he is potentially dying to from the catacysm...and WE know Gabe is just usually lila and isn't ACTUALLY fooled by her...So Gabe trying to act like he doesn't approve feels understandably more weird...even more when they tried to act like Gabe was trying to be nicer to Adrien before that.

also...still side eyeing nathalie. Gabe almost gave up being hawkmoth before but she encouraged him back into it and she was ALSO enjoying being a villian to an uncomfortable degree before the side affects got that bad. Her regrets came a little earlier and she's still better than Gabe but she did enable someone she cared about and didn't realize how he was getting twisted either until it was too late.

girl…WHEN??? WHERE????

what are you talking about???? when you kept him isolated for 14 years??? when you robbed him of bodily autonomy???? when you exposed him to his mother’s corpse to akumatize him, TWICE????

wait, wait—OH you mean when he was terrified for his life, literally begging you to stop after you beat him up. my bad.

no? OH, you mean when you forced him to leave the country and the love of his life.

Huh.

[thoughts-and-all-that]

its so easy for any negative emotion to transform into self hatred... but they dont tell you that. for grief or anger or fear or jealousy or the desperate need to be loved

its so easy to turn it on myself

like. why cant i just be good socially? it comes so naturally to everyone else and i thought maybe it came naturally to me once upon a time

but i was a different person back then

i know i should be kind to myself but im so frustrated. im terrified everytime anyone pays me any attention. im never sure whats going on in literally any situation. people somehow know who i am and thats terrifying

i want nothing more than to be part of the world again, to be human. but its not that fucking easy. i spent almost a decade being... half a person. i wish i never did what i did. i know why i did it but i wish i never did.

i just know that everyone who interacts with me can just tell that something is wrong with me

sometimes im scared theyll think i hate them. that maybe im even a bigot. but i cant say that part without sounding stupid. im so focused all the damn time about being the most progressive me i can be that ive anxiety'd myself into being terrified that i come off like a prejudiced prick. that i act like i am one if i have an intrusive thought that i despise

the truth is i was never good socially. i know id go over to friends houses and i was probably so weird. at least we had stuff to talk about back then. it was always about fandom stuff, that stuff is so easy to talk about. at least, it was back then. i cant even talk about that stuff anymore without being scared im misinterpreting the characters or story so badly that ill just embarass myself

and i used to love roleplaying until that. and until roleplaying became scarily similar to some trauma bullshit.

and yknow, i kinda think i might be autistic? and thats not a bad thing. it would explain a lot actually

but i just get this feeling about the idea that im kinda fucked

that i really cant learn my way out of my social atrociousness because its inherent to who i am

i know autistic people who are so good socially. but im not them. its a spectrum, after all.

i dont understand how people do anything. how theyre so confident. how they just take up space without even thinking about it

i feel like everyone hates me just cause i cant say a sentence without sounding scared

i dont even know how to talk to my friends anymore. we barely talk at this point

i know this is apparently just how it is when youre all adults but like. fuck. we dont all have an hour of time to just. hang out? play gartic phone maybe?

in some ways ive never felt as lonely as i do right now. its like... i always find new ways to feel the loneliest ive ever felt

whether it be being suicidal, or being terrified for my friends lives and being powerless to do anything. to me fucking up the best relationship i ever had because i got paranoid. to the moment i left a friend group and a part of me faded away like vapor. to talking to people who openly hurt themself over and over and over and i couldnt just get them to stop no matter how much i tried. to me trying desperately to escape this crushing, suffocating isolation, only to be forced back into it by a global fucking pandemic. to someone punishing me and worsening my trauma because i was rude when i shouldnt have been. to when i was trying so hard to be part of a group i enjoyed and was having so much fun with, but i couldnt keep up when i was trying so hard. to being part of another group and i fucking hated them for being these negative hypocrites with some of the most broke ass opinions ive ever seen. to sitting in the hospital room with my dying mother in a coma and coming out to her as trans and hoping so fucking badly that she could hear me, that she would die at least knowing i was her son, and ill never fucking know if she knew. to making friends with someone who was so vile, but they were there, they were always there, until i couldnt stand their vileness anymore and they tried to bring me down for it, and i had to send them so much texts telling them how much i hated them because if i didnt i was going to go insane. the fact that they ruined my 20th birthday, and the thanksgiving before that. to me riding on a trainride alone for 11 hours and was so damn scared that something bad would happen on the other side and id never return home, and i almost got lost in chicago. i remember looking at my friends through the glass of the bus and wanting to just leave the bus and go to them, i was so fucking homesick and they were something familiar. to me wanting to make a dessert my mom always made but my grandma stole that moment from me. to sitting in the car with my dad as he tells me i need to rush school as much as possible so that i can move on with my life and imply it would be easier for him if i did. to making a discord server in the desperate hope to make friends into the same thing im into, and every day i consider just deleting it.

to right now, as i watched a show that brought back the feelings of when my mother was dying and i felt angry all over again about the horrible receptionist who made me feel like shit when i was terrified of losing my mom. i remember my family just told me to deal with it, i just needed to see my mom. i wish i couldve told that lady to go fuck herself.

i just want friends. i just want to be human. i just want to feel like theres no wall between me and the world anymore.

im so sick of being lonely. im so sick of being alone. im so sick of not being able to break out of this prison of my own design. i fucking created it when i was 13 fucking years old, im about to turn 22, how am i stuck in the same fucking prison i created when i was a child.

i just wonder if ill ever find my way out. if ill ever feel connected to anyone ever again. if ill ever get what i dreamed of. its not an impossible dream, yknow. i just want a partner, and a home, and maybe a pet or two. i want someone to be there. i feel like im searching for a needle in a haystack, just trying to find someone whos... right, for me. like im searching for the chosen one or some shit

im not easy to love. for myself, or for other people. i try so hard, yknow? but whether im myself or not, i just dont do it right. theyre full of shit when they tell you to be yourself. they only mean be yourself when its in a way that fits what they want. they dont like us annoying kids who didnt know when to shut up until it was too late. so i shut up instead and it still didnt work.

i dont even know how to talk about the stuff i like anymore.

i dont know how to talk anymore.

they dont warn you about how hollow loneliness makes you. it makes you feel like an auditorium thats been left to rot. what youd give, just for one more assembly.

loneliness makes you blame yourself, because a pattern has a maker, and eventually you have to realize its you.

i didnt ask to be this way. i didnt ask for this life. i didnt ask for any of this. did i do something to deserve it? was being an annoying fat girl a crime to the universe? its sure a crime to everyone else.

i just want love. why is that so hard? isnt it supposed to be easy? everyone else has it. why cant i?

[giankumar-blog1]

WHAT IS SPIRITUAL POWER

Spiritual power encompasses the inner reservoir of strength, wisdom, and resilience that individuals tap into through their spiritual beliefs and practices. This power derives from a profound connection to something greater than oneself, whether it be a higher power, the universe, nature, or a transcendent realm. It offers a deep sense of purpose, meaning, and connection beyond the material world, serving as a wellspring of inspiration and guidance.

On the journey to unlock spiritual power, one seeks to attain inner peace, uncover the underlying truths of love, truth, reality, and divinity, and ultimately discover one's identity beyond the physical and mental aspects of self. The ego defines power as the ability to shape circumstances to one's advantage, exert influence over others, or even dominate them to achieve personal objectives. In contrast, spiritual power refers to the inherent intelligence that permeates all aspects of existence, from the smallest particles to the vast cosmos, responsible for cultivating and harmonizing all manifestations of life. 

Each of us possesses an infinite potential for spiritual power, waiting to be harnessed to manifest our visions and desires. This cosmic energy acts as a balancing force against our desires and emotions, providing the spiritual perspective we all need. We must remember that we are spiritual beings undergoing human experiences, and this spiritual force resides within our souls. Awakening this force empowers us to approach life holistically, with selflessness, mindfulness, and clarity, enabling us to confront any situation with strength and consistency.

Spiritual power operates beyond our cognitive limitations, manifesting as intuitive insights and eureka moments. This divine energy helps us solve seemingly incomprehensible problems with instant transparency, supporting the notion of "That art Thou." As long as we look outward for support, our power remains elusive, but turning inward allows us to realize our spiritual selves. Spiritual empowerment enhances mental clarity and leads to a profound understanding of reality.

The spirit, as described in the philosophy of Spiritualism, connects the non-dual cosmic energy of the universe with our dualistic, dual-operating minds, balancing material and spiritual perspectives. The spirit awakens the soul and settles in the mind, which science often considers the unconscious part of the mind. This awakening enables the mind to actively review, analyze, and make choices in the face of dualities like good and evil, positive and negative, and happiness and sadness.

Spiritual consciousness takes us further, guiding our ever-desiring minds from selfishness to selflessness through divine deeds. This transition leads to contentment, clarity, and constancy, allowing us to live a fulfilling and holistic life. While the human mind tends toward pessimism, greed, jealousy, egocentrism, arrogance, and manipulation, spiritual power equips us with the mental strength to be fearless, selfless, humble, and positive. It also gives us spontaneous intelligence, enabling us to craft our unique meaning and purpose. 

Despite advancements in science and many other fields, our planet's well-being remains at risk due to humanity's excessive inclination toward materialistic selfishness. Striking a proper balance between life's material and spiritual aspects is crucial for our collective harmony and the planet's health.  For more information please visit www.giankumar.com

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

LOL let me clarify and not make her sound like the worst person in the world. she did kinda ask if i wanted to go, but i had a test that morning and they are leaving like an hour before my exam starts. but whats getting me is that she keeps talking about it. and im like queen i love you so much, but PLEASE STOP. and its the way literally last night i was talking to my roommate about it and she was like 'wait what shes going??' and i was like yea and literally started crying. and she was like i thought the tickets were like really expensive and i was like well her parents bought them for her... and my roommate was like oh. so yea, it really is just me being a bitch. and shes like ill be sure to send you pics! and i was like please dont bc i think that will be my final straw!! so sorry for the long ask, and this is super unrelated, but did you hear that liam payne from one direction died?? im not even sure if you know or care about them, but i feel like i have to tell everyone that i know bc its so wild. anyway, hope ur doing well queen! and sorry for all the yapping LOL

~ from a 🏁 anon who has never felt jealousy in her life until now

she still sounds… interesting 🤨 (i’m kidding if she’s your friend then she’s your friend)

it does sound like she can’t take a hint though lmao. it isn’t you being a bitch!! I know jealousy is inherently a negative emotion, but it’s a completely normal thing to feel from time to time. as long as you can recognise that that’s what it is, there’s no real harm in it usually. we all feel it sometimes.

and omg yes I saw all the stuff about liam, it’s crazy. wasn’t a fan of his personally but I really do feel for his family and his son :(

[abyssalaerlocke]

Polyamory

Some thoughts on polyamorous Gale

Origin Gale can be poly. His objection is about sharing, so he may do better as the hinge of a V relationship. But if he had two people he loved and trusted, I think he could warm up to them also developing feelings for each other, without feeling he's losing out or something by "sharing" them.

EA Gale had dialogue with a very poly understanding, about loving different people in different ways, that they aren't comparable, it's not about one being better than another, or anyone being replaceable.

I don't consider fear and jealousy to be immutable character traits, in real life or fiction. It's either unfounded, and something you can potentially learn to stop feeling with a good partner/social network's support, or you are actually being neglected in the relationship, or your social/emotional needs are otherwise being unmet — and that's something to communicate with your partner and address. That might mean they give more time and attention to you, that might mean you spread out your social interactions to other people, such as a friend (group), instead of being so heavily dependent on one person to meet all your social/emotional needs. That might mean you have different relationship/social styles you can't work out, and end your romantic relationship.

To make analogies Gale would understand: Love is not like a loaf of bread — a limited resource to be divied up, each person receiving less for how many others they're sharing with. Love is like a story — something which can be shared without being consumed. You may even enjoy sharing your love for a story that's precious to you, with someone you trust who also loves and appreciates it.

Further poly understanding Gale could gain, through time, communication, and experience: Romantic relationships are very like friendships. You can be friends with multiple people, and [see point 2]. Some people do better with a single friend, where they're practically attached at the hip, and you can find someone else that also feels best in that dynamic. Some people do best in a tight knit group of friends. Some people do best with multiple separate friends/groups. Some people are flexible and can thrive in various dynamics with the right person(s).

You can understand that having multiple friends, with different shared interests and dynamics, isn't cheating, and still have a personal preference for a single friend, going to each other for everything. If Gale had a good understanding of love and polyamory, and still preferred monogamous relationship dynamics, that'd be fine — but the fact that he compares his partner to a loaf of bread, sees "sharing" as something inherently detrimental and negative, shows he has a lot of room for growth and discovery there. Right now, he's like the "homophobic straight guy". He may just identify as straight because he considers it the only viable thing. If he sorts through his unfounded homophobic beliefs, he might still conclude he's straight, but he hasn't done that reflection or made room for discovering otherwise, as long as he lets those misconceptions guide him.

It's fanworks! It's not supposed to be confined to canon. You're making fiction about fictional characters who can't be hurt, and whether people like it or not, people who held monogamous beliefs can later discover they're poly, or comfortable with their partner being poly. And I understand some people have been hurt and betrayed in past relationships, and engaging with these works might be painful for them — but that's an indication it's not for you, not that it's not a valid interpretation/creation, or immoral, etc.

[shadystranger]

The post may not be a full-blown nuanced take, but it holds some truth to it if you view things from a certain perspective. It's true that Dean wanted to get Sam off his blood addiction, but let's do a breakdown of Dean's gripe with blood addiction in the first place. Was his objection rooted in moral grounds? It's possible, but unlikely given Dean's history. Up till the point he has navigated Sam's darker impulses with a level of tolerance or understanding, even enabled them at times. For instance, when Sam killed an innocent hunter, contracted the Croatoan virus, or there came up that foreboding omen about Sam's eventual monstrosity forewarned by higher, unbiased figures like John, angels, Azazel, Gordon, and other hunters —Dean turned a deaf ear to all of them and remained adamant in his bias to Sam. Doesn't help that after Azazel's suggestion that Sam might be "wrong," Sam's behavior did escalate, becoming extreme enough to unsettle Dean (he goes overkill and slightly bloodthirsty) and Dean does nothing about it/sweeps it under a rug without ever addressing the blaring red signs of it.

So following this, there *does* exist textual evidence that Dean has a capacity to take in Sam's monstrosity; no matter what form it takes, he can stretch his line of moral code to accommodate Sam specifically. Dean so far has placed Sam in a category of unconditional redemption, separating him from others who had become explicitly "dark side," like the rogue psychic kids or the humans turned monsters. He repeatedly dismissed any connections or similarities between Sam and these failures or beings that needed to be "hunted." When Sam began to lose his humanity, Dean's response was never to put him down but to do everything possible to ensure his survival, even if it meant compromising his own principles. But come demon blood, and he acts borderline irrationally and unreasonably about it. Yes It might be because monster bad brother good and whatnot but there's more nuance and grey layers to it I believe especially when you approach this topic not as a separate situation but a byproduct and result of a much bigger chain of events and situations.

Dean's intense detestation to demon blood can be attributed to: 1_ an inherent hatred of demons and the mere association with them (although he doesn't put too much emphasis on this one) 2_ the entanglement of humanity and monstrosity 3_ the addictive nature of the blood 4_ Dean's own jealousy and his protectiveness over Sam. The narrative presents these as the primary reasons behind Dean's stance. Aside from the last two, the rest are less convincing or secondary because, in other situations (like previously mentioned), Dean has demonstrated the ability to overlook or gloss over these concerns when it comes to Sam. They don't have a substantial consistency carried out by Dean to trace back to.

The thing about demon blood is that being dependent on an external source is inherent to it. If Sam became addicted, by virtue, he must have a constant supply, and since the sky isn't raining demons, this makes Ruby crucial. Dean's criticism of Ruby wasn't solely focused on the monstrosity she brought along. His objections fluctuated between the negative influence she had on Sam and his own personal gripes, like the time he was packing his bags and telling Sam to go hunt with her since he doesn't need him anymore. That's a testament of his vulnerability and emotional distress caused by the displacement of his importance in Sam's life. His disappointment/shock that given the choice Sam'd replace him or it'll not be just the two of them like it is so in his painstakingly crafted ideal is what throws him in disorder. It's also worth it to ask why to Dean, Ruby is either overtaking or running opposite to his role in Sam's life or both. But aside from that, Dean's words weren't about monsters or demons, but rather a reflection of Dean's fear of losing the close/unparalleled bond he had always envisioned with Sam, a bond he had worked hard to preserve. Ironically, Dean spent more time hinting at these personal fears than addressing the actual danger of Ruby, like the time Sam breaks out the panic room and partners with Ruby to go kill Lilith and Dean casually comparing this rather consequential/grave act to Sam's running away from home. Quite literally after this moment he alludes Sam leaving here to Stanford on a 1:1 and that's definitely not the reaction of someone who the end of the world is presumably looming over and is concerned with his brother's monstrosity rather than his brother's abandonment of him. But Dean is not someone who goes bare out with his feelings, especially about himself. Dean often disguises his personal desires as part of a larger mission, like when he pretended that saving Sam was necessary for the world, even though the real reason was that he simply wanted Sam alive for his own sake.

Coin that with his constantly-shifting stance against Sam using demon blood. One moment, Dean is accusing Sam of betraying their relationship by partnering with Ruby. At another, he's labeling Sam a monster that needed to be "hunted." Just before that, he argued that Ruby was intentionally getting Sam addicted and was leaving him high, cranking out for another hit and that he didn’t want to see Sam like that & she was flagrantly hurting Sam. Dean’s concerns stemmed from genuine care for Sam here, but in the same breath, he was telling Bobby he would rather let Sam die in the panic room just hours or a day ago. This inconsistency in his reasoning shows that Dean's arguments were conspicuously about his fear of losing Sam, either to Ruby or to the power imbalance that could arise from Sam becoming something much greater than him. Dean wasn’t ready to become expendable to Sam.

His thinly-veiled objections to demon blood often came from a place of convenience and plausibility rather than complete honesty. And the man was desperate, God help if you'll ever catch Dean king of cognitive dissonance coming clean. So instead of admitting he can NOT lose Sam to any person or metaphysical concept, he tries—gaslighting Sam, pleading with him, forcing him to compel through violence, manipulating him through faith or family, appealing to Sam he just wants the best for him, exploiting Sam's love for him, and Sam's desperation to be good—man was using every tactic in the book to stop Sam from following through with Ruby. And the -it means you're a monster- was highlikely another banger drop of a hat he blurted amidst his ever-evolving mental gymnastical attempts to convince Sam not to fall through with his plans, you can tell from his time in the church and the voice note he left he genuinely doesn't attribute much weight to it past a convenient Sam-manipulating tactic, otherwise he wouldn't have accepted Sam as easily as he did.

It's always important to remember that the rawest and most primary reason dean hated the demon-blood addiction had everything to do with ruby and nothing to do with morality. she was a threat. there's that one novel where dean gets jealous and irritated by the presence of another guy sam befriends, and one line of thought he has in it goes like "it should be you and me but on days it feels like you and me and whatever third person you decide for the day" and it's basically that