#jane and it’s addicts and or women

[redr1vers]

talking to men about breaking bad is a great way to quickly find out which people groups they deem subhuman

[yeoldenews]

A Guide to Historically Accurate Regency-Era Names

I recently received a message from a historical romance writer asking if I knew any good resources for finding historically accurate Regency-era names for their characters.

Not knowing any off the top of my head, I dug around online a bit and found there really isn’t much out there. The vast majority of search results were Buzzfeed-style listicles which range from accurate-adjacent to really, really, really bad.

I did find a few blog posts with fairly decent name lists, but noticed that even these have very little indication as to each name’s relative popularity as those statistical breakdowns really don't exist.

I began writing up a response with this information, but then I (being a research addict who was currently snowed in after a blizzard) thought hey - if there aren’t any good resources out there why not make one myself?

As I lacked any compiled data to work from, I had to do my own data wrangling on this project. Due to this fact, I limited the scope to what I thought would be the most useful for writers who focus on this era, namely - people of a marriageable age living in the wealthiest areas of London.

So with this in mind - I went through period records and compiled the names of 25,000 couples who were married in the City of Westminster (which includes Mayfair, St. James and Hyde Park) between 1804 to 1821.

So let’s see what all that data tells us…

To begin - I think it’s hard for us in the modern world with our wide and varied abundance of first names to conceive of just how POPULAR popular names of the past were.

If you were to take a modern sample of 25-year-old (born in 1998) American women, the most common name would be Emily with 1.35% of the total population. If you were to add the next four most popular names (Hannah, Samantha, Sarah and Ashley) these top five names would bring you to 5.5% of the total population. (source: Social Security Administration)

If you were to do the same survey in Regency London - the most common name would be Mary with 19.2% of the population. Add the next four most popular names (Elizabeth, Ann, Sarah and Jane) and with just 5 names you would have covered 62% of all women.

To hit 62% of the population in the modern survey it would take the top 400 names.

The top five Regency men’s names (John, William, Thomas, James and George) have nearly identical statistics as the women’s names.

I struggled for the better part of a week with how to present my findings, as a big list in alphabetical order really fails to get across the popularity factor and also isn’t the most tumblr-compatible format. And then my YouTube homepage recommended a random video of someone ranking all the books they’d read last year - and so I present…

The Regency Name Popularity Tier List

The Tiers

S+ - 10% of the population or greater. There is no modern equivalent to this level of popularity. 52% of the population had one of these 7 names.

S - 2-10%. There is still no modern equivalent to this level of popularity. Names in this percentage range in the past have included Mary and William in the 1880s and Jennifer in the late 1970s (topped out at 4%).

A - 1-2%. The top five modern names usually fall in this range. Kids with these names would probably include their last initial in class to avoid confusion. (1998 examples: Emily, Sarah, Ashley, Michael, Christopher, Brandon.)

B - .3-1%. Very common names. Would fall in the top 50 modern names. You would most likely know at least 1 person with these names. (1998 examples: Jessica, Megan, Allison, Justin, Ryan, Eric)

C - .17-.3%. Common names. Would fall in the modern top 100. You would probably know someone with these names, or at least know of them. (1998 examples: Chloe, Grace, Vanessa, Sean, Spencer, Seth)

D - .06-.17%. Less common names. In the modern top 250. You may not personally know someone with these names, but you’re aware of them. (1998 examples: Faith, Cassidy, Summer, Griffin, Dustin, Colby)

E - .02-.06%. Uncommon names. You’re aware these are names, but they are not common. Unusual enough they may be remarked upon. (1998 examples: Calista, Skye, Precious, Fabian, Justice, Lorenzo)

F - .01-.02%. Rare names. You may have heard of these names, but you probably don’t know anyone with one. Extremely unusual, and would likely be remarked upon. (1998 examples: Emerald, Lourdes, Serenity, Dario, Tavian, Adonis)

G - Very rare names. There are only a handful of people with these names in the entire country. You’ve never met anyone with this name.

H - Virtually non-existent. Names that theoretically could have existed in the Regency period (their original source pre-dates the early 19th century) but I found fewer than five (and often no) period examples of them being used in Regency England. (Example names taken from romance novels and online Regency name lists.)

Just to once again reinforce how POPULAR popular names were before we get to the tier lists - statistically, in a ballroom of 100 people in Regency London: 80 would have names from tiers S+/S. An additional 15 people would have names from tiers A/B and C. 4 of the remaining 5 would have names from D/E. Only one would have a name from below tier E.

Women's Names

S+ Mary, Elizabeth, Ann, Sarah      

S - Jane, Mary Ann+, Hannah, Susannah, Margaret, Catherine, Martha, Charlotte, Maria

A - Frances, Harriet, Sophia, Eleanor, Rebecca

B - Alice, Amelia, Bridget~, Caroline, Eliza, Esther, Isabella, Louisa, Lucy, Lydia, Phoebe, Rachel, Susan

C - Ellen, Fanny*, Grace, Henrietta, Hester, Jemima, Matilda, Priscilla

D - Abigail, Agnes, Amy, Augusta, Barbara, Betsy*, Betty*, Cecilia, Christiana, Clarissa, Deborah, Diana, Dinah, Dorothy, Emily, Emma, Georgiana, Helen, Janet^, Joanna, Johanna, Judith, Julia, Kezia, Kitty*, Letitia, Nancy*, Ruth, Winifred>

E - Arabella, Celia, Charity, Clara, Cordelia, Dorcas, Eve, Georgina, Honor, Honora, Jennet^, Jessie*^, Joan, Joyce, Juliana, Juliet, Lavinia, Leah, Margery, Marian, Marianne, Marie, Mercy, Miriam, Naomi, Patience, Penelope, Philadelphia, Phillis, Prudence, Rhoda, Rosanna, Rose, Rosetta, Rosina, Sabina, Selina, Sylvia, Theodosia, Theresa

F - (selected) Alicia, Bethia, Euphemia, Frederica, Helena, Leonora, Mariana, Millicent, Mirah, Olivia, Philippa, Rosamund, Sybella, Tabitha, Temperance, Theophila, Thomasin, Tryphena, Ursula, Virtue, Wilhelmina

G - (selected) Adelaide, Alethia, Angelina, Cassandra, Cherry, Constance, Delilah, Dorinda, Drusilla, Eva, Happy, Jessica, Josephine, Laura, Minerva, Octavia, Parthenia, Theodora, Violet, Zipporah

H - Alberta, Alexandra, Amber, Ashley, Calliope, Calpurnia, Chloe, Cressida, Cynthia, Daisy, Daphne, Elaine, Eloise, Estella, Lilian, Lilias, Francesca, Gabriella, Genevieve, Gwendoline, Hermione, Hyacinth, Inez, Iris, Kathleen, Madeline, Maude, Melody, Portia, Seabright, Seraphina, Sienna, Verity

Men's Names

S+ John, William, Thomas

S - James, George, Joseph, Richard, Robert, Charles, Henry, Edward, Samuel

A - Benjamin, (Mother’s/Grandmother’s maiden name used as first name)#

B - Alexander^, Andrew, Daniel, David>, Edmund, Francis, Frederick, Isaac, Matthew, Michael, Patrick~, Peter, Philip, Stephen, Timothy

C - Abraham, Anthony, Christopher, Hugh>, Jeremiah, Jonathan, Nathaniel, Walter

D - Adam, Arthur, Bartholomew, Cornelius, Dennis, Evan>, Jacob, Job, Josiah, Joshua, Lawrence, Lewis, Luke, Mark, Martin, Moses, Nicholas, Owen>, Paul, Ralph, Simon

E - Aaron, Alfred, Allen, Ambrose, Amos, Archibald, Augustin, Augustus, Barnard, Barney, Bernard, Bryan, Caleb, Christian, Clement, Colin, Duncan^, Ebenezer, Edwin, Emanuel, Felix, Gabriel, Gerard, Gilbert, Giles, Griffith, Harry*, Herbert, Humphrey, Israel, Jabez, Jesse, Joel, Jonas, Lancelot, Matthias, Maurice, Miles, Oliver, Rees, Reuben, Roger, Rowland, Solomon, Theophilus, Valentine, Zachariah

F - (selected) Abel, Barnabus, Benedict, Connor, Elijah, Ernest, Gideon, Godfrey, Gregory, Hector, Horace, Horatio, Isaiah, Jasper, Levi, Marmaduke, Noah, Percival, Shadrach, Vincent

G - (selected) Albion, Darius, Christmas, Cleophas, Enoch, Ethelbert, Gavin, Griffin, Hercules, Hugo, Innocent, Justin, Maximilian, Methuselah, Peregrine, Phineas, Roland, Sebastian, Sylvester, Theodore, Titus, Zephaniah

H - Albinus, Americus, Cassian, Dominic, Eric, Milo, Rollo, Trevor, Tristan, Waldo, Xavier

# Men were sometimes given a family surname (most often their mother's or grandmother's maiden name) as their first name - the most famous example of this being Fitzwilliam Darcy. If you were to combine all surname-based first names as a single 'name' this is where the practice would rank.

*Rank as a given name, not a nickname

+If you count Mary Ann as a separate name from Mary - Mary would remain in S+ even without the Mary Anns included

~Primarily used by people of Irish descent

^Primarily used by people of Scottish descent

>Primarily used by people of Welsh descent

I was going to continue on and write about why Regency-era first names were so uniform, discuss historically accurate surnames, nicknames, and include a little guide to finding 'unique' names that are still historically accurate - but this post is already very, very long, so that will have to wait for a later date.

If anyone has any questions/comments/clarifications in the meantime feel free to message me.

Methodology notes: All data is from marriage records covering six parishes in the City of Westminster between 1804 and 1821. The total sample size was 50,950 individuals.

I chose marriage records rather than births/baptisms as I wanted to focus on individuals who were adults during the Regency era rather than newborns. I think many people make the mistake when researching historical names by using baby name data for the year their story takes place rather than 20 to 30 years prior, and I wanted to avoid that. If you are writing a story that takes place in 1930 you don’t want to research the top names for 1930, you need to be looking at 1910 or earlier if you are naming adult characters.

I combined (for my own sanity) names that are pronounced identically but have minor spelling differences: i.e. the data for Catherine also includes Catharines and Katherines, Susannah includes Susannas, Phoebe includes Phebes, etc.

The compound 'Mother's/Grandmother's maiden name used as first name' designation is an educated guesstimate based on what I recognized as known surnames, as I do not hate myself enough to go through 25,000+ individuals and confirm their mother's maiden names. So if the tally includes any individuals who just happened to be named Fitzroy/Hastings/Townsend/etc. because their parents liked the sound of it and not due to any familial relations - my bad.

I did a small comparative survey of 5,000 individuals in several rural communities in Rutland and Staffordshire (chosen because they had the cleanest data I could find and I was lazy) to see if there were any significant differences between urban and rural naming practices and found the results to be very similar. The most noticeable difference I observed was that the S+ tier names were even MORE popular in rural areas than in London. In Rutland between 1810 and 1820 Elizabeths comprised 21.4% of all brides vs. 15.3% in the London survey. All other S+ names also saw increases of between 1% and 6%. I also observed that the rural communities I surveyed saw a small, but noticeable and fairly consistent, increase in the use of names with Biblical origins.

Sources of the records I used for my survey: 

Ancestry.com. England & Wales Marriages, 1538-1988 [database on-line].

Ancestry.com. Westminster, London, England, Church of England Marriages and Banns, 1754-1935 [database on-line].

[taradactyls]

The full Bennet Family Finances endnote from Ch33

I’ve been doing some more maths (ch26 has the initial discussion) on the savings that our characters might do/should’ve done since it’s fascinating to me and some of the comments I’ve been getting have been making me think more about it. One of the common themes is surprise at just how negligent the Bennets were at saving, instead of merely being stretched thin by expenses. I understand this completely, as it isn’t something that’s explicit in an easily recognisable way for modern audiences.

So, where could they have been more economical? They don’t go to London, no one has a gambling addiction, all travelling (which was EXPENSIVE) is done cost effectively, and they certainly didn’t spend all the money on tutors and the like for their daughters. I’m sure there’s actual academic papers by historians on this (I miss my uni access to those so much) but I can take some educated guesses.

We know Mrs Bennet is just bad with household management. Part of which might mean ordering too much food (it’s mentioned she keeps a good table, so this is as close to canon as we can get) and perhaps not being efficient with what she does order, ie wanting different meats from night to night, instead of having the leftovers served as stews or whatnot, not keeping an eye on the prices of sugar, salt, etc to buy when they’re cheap, making special orders instead of purchasing what’s readily available, etc. We know none of the Bennet women assist in the kitchen (as the Lucases do) so that’s more work for servants and thus likely to contribute to the need of an extra servant or higher wages. Household management could also be more innocuous things like always buying the expensive bees-wax candles, instead of using tallow when guests aren’t around or in out-of-the-way rooms. And being inefficient with candle usage (this is likely a Mr Bennet flaw too, if he enjoys reading in his library at night) in order to have a room better lit than strictly necessary. There was a reason families all tended to gather in one room after dark, and the Bennets notably don’t. Also having fires in all the principal rooms instead of just the ones likely to be used that day. If there’s ways to be inefficient with funds when it comes to cleaning, I’m sure they found a way there, too. Basically, anything that requires forward planning to help with economy would be lacking.

 But that’s all ‘essentials’ just done inefficiently, what luxuries might they have had? They have the income to warrant their carriage, horses, and it seems Mr Bennet does hunt, but that’s also a standard expense for his wealth, so let’s focus on what might be pushing them to their limits. Other than the over-provisioned dining table, which we’ve mentioned, nothing about their socialising habits seems excessive. Mrs Bennet’s love of fashion could be pushing her wardrobe bill up, Mr Bennet’s love of books could be a VERY expensive hobby, and of course – five daughters out at once. Having five daughters out (especially unnecessarily as Lydia and even Kitty were quite young to be out) cost a LOT of money. Lady Catherine was rude as anything, but her surprise at the fact was warranted. Other than money, it also meant the daughters were in direct ‘competition’ for the same limited amount of suitors, which theoretically might hurt the elder girls’ chances. Five distinct wardrobes for young women which needed gowns for all occasions, going through dance shoes and gloves very quickly, bonnets, etc, all added up. At the start of the book multiple hundreds of pounds a year would be going to keeping their daughters looking the part while mixing in society.

But Jane’s only twenty-one or twenty-two at the start of the novel, and came out at fifteen at the earliest. Yet the Bennets still never saved money, and never overspent their income, so there were other expenses they were able to drop which had been preventing them from saving money for the first sixteen or so years of their marriage. I think it’s fair to assume there’s random, one-time bigger expenses that were undertaken with any substantial spare money: perhaps the hermitage Mrs Bennet mentions is a newer addition, was the coach (which are normally ordered around the start of a marriage) refitted more recently, how often is the décor of Longbourn updated (and on that note, are things like the sofa reupholstered or completely replaced), do they impulse buy vases and sculptures, make sure whatever alcohol they do buy (which appears to be a reasonable amount for their class) is the expensive stuff, etc. Whatever it is, it’s a both parent problem. Mrs Bennet is bad at money management and instead of changing her habits or preparing her daughters for financial hardship puts pressure on them to marry (preferably rich, but she doesn’t seem to have a complaint about Wickham in that regard). Mr Bennet is smart enough to see that there is a problem and how to fix it, but after his first idea fails (have a son to break the entail and thus provide for his widow and other children – which doesn’t even necessarily mean the girls would get a dowry, just that they would never live in poverty) does nothing to reassess the issue or find a solution. He essentially shrugs his shoulders and lets his daughters shift for themselves. One parent is too stressed about money and only addresses it negatively, and the other isn’t stressed enough and doesn’t address it seriously at all. Neither do anything productive, even though changing their habits would be enough to fix it. I love them, but MASSIVE parenting failure on their end; and hinted to occur because the parents were too used to comforts and different themselves to be able to work together and act on a solution.

Now for some actual MATHS! Which, yes, I realise I am strangely excited about.

The idea that most of the Bennets’ money is spent by having so many daughters out at once seems to keep popping up in my time on the internet. So, I thought it would be interesting to see what their dowries could be if that five-daughters-out-at-once money wasn’t spent on other things before any daughters were out. Costs of this could vary a bit between families, and though we know Lydia’s expenses were almost £100 per annum that includes board and food as well as little gifts from Mrs Bennet, so we can’t simply multiply that by five and be done with it. But, given Mrs Bennet’s desire for fashion and the poor financial management we see from her and some of her daughters, it’s quite possible clothes were being bought new rather than pulled apart and remade more than they ought to be, so spending £50 to £60 a year on each daughter being ‘out’ seems reasonable. For the purposes of this, let’s look at a total of £250 and £300 a year for all five, and in the 4%s because that’s where the money settled on Mrs Bennet apparently is. After sixteen years of marriage (when we will assume Jane comes out) that’s £5,456 or £6,547. Meaning that just doubled their dowry, even if they save nothing else after that. If the interest is left alone, that’s more than £1,000 that’s added to it before the novel even begins. Suddenly Mr Bennet dying at the start of the novel would leave his widow and daughters with between £11,500-£13,000 instead of the meagre £5,000 they actually have.

And the girls didn’t all come out at once, so just to put some numbers to it for math purposes, let’s say Elizabeth came out one year after Jane, Mary two years after her, Kitty another two years later, and Lydia the following year. For simplicity, each girl coming out is going to remove the same amount of money (when realistically it’s likely Jane, who needs everything new, and Lydia, who’s spoilt, would have cost the most). With the lower estimates of expenses, that’s £8,062 saved at the time of the novel, taking the total for Mrs Bennet and the girls to £13,602 or £2,612 each, assuming nothing else is saved. At the higher cost for the girls being out, that’s £9,676 saved and £14,676 that they’ll eventually inherit a share of. Still below what they should have as dowries, but a vast improvement, and proof of why having five daughters out at once was an additional strain but not THE strain. It was just another element in a mountain of problems.

“But what if it was in the 5%s?” asks no one but me. I think they would stick to the more stable bonds Mrs Bennet’s dowry is in, but if they didn’t, the same situation as above would save £9,243 (or £14,243 total) or £11,090 (£16,090 to share or £3,218 each).

For pure funsies, the numbers if Mr and Mrs Bennet had also saved the interest of the £5,000 settled upon her (which by itself would grow to £12,324 in the 4%s) in addition to these savings are:

£20,387 (£4,077 each at the start of the novel) with the £250 expenses estimate. At £300 for all five daughters out, we get to £21,998. Both of these numbers suddenly mean the Miss Bennets would never have to fear poverty when Mr Bennet died and they would individually each be as rich as their mother was, and though they wouldn’t be counted as rich themselves, would at least have something respectable. They might not cost their husbands money to marry.

AND THEN if everything is in the 5%s but that original £5,000, and the interest it gains is also moved to the higher interest account, the grand total would be either £22,528, again assuming the £250 expenses, and £24,376 at the £300 estimate.

I’ve been doing some equations for Darcy, too. So, let’s talk about that next chapter, to give me time to really figure it out.

[julieverne]

Maura kisses Jane when she's had a few drinks.

Not in, like, a gay way. She just looks up at Jane with shining eyes and plants one on her. Sometimes it's followed with a slurred 'I freaking love you', and sometimes it's preceded by it. Jane learns her tells pretty quickly, but she never has the heart to dodge them.

---

The first time was in The Dirty Robber. They'd been drinking after a case, and Frost had joined them. They sat on the same side of the booth so women wouldn't think one of them was with him; they didn't want to ruin his pickup game. Jane hadn't noticed the little flush of histamines on Maura's cheeks. She hadn't noticed Maura leaning against her, so involved with the conversation with Frost about their case that she'd merely slung an arm over her and kept talking. When Frost got up to get another round, Jane looked over, and Maura pulled her in close, hand fisted in the front of Jane's tee.

It hadn't been passionate, it had just been a kiss. The sort that bridesmaids give each other on a hens night, the kind that straight women gave each other when they had good news. Jane had chuckled awkwardly, and Maura pulled away from her closed mouth, looking up at Jane with a grin.

"You're so smart. I can't believe you caught that guy."

"It's your evidence that's going to put him away," Jane said gently, a little unsettled. A compliment and a kiss. It was a little too soft and girly for her, but Maura had always been a little too soft and girly for her. That was part of what she liked about her. Jane had enough rumours about her sexuality flying around the precinct, and this was a cop bar. She looked around, but no one seemed to have noticed. Jane hadn't minded; Maura had nice breath and she hadn't mauled her. It hadn't been gross or anything. It hadn't even been particularly unwanted. Part of her wondered if she should mind, but it was hardly a confession of love or attraction. It was just something drunk straight girls did, wasn't it? Maura reached for her glass, but tipped it over instead.

"You're drunk," Jane realised out loud, tightening her arm around Maura's shoulders, glad Frost hadn't seen the kiss. Even though he'd know there was nothing to it, he would heckle Jane relentlessly.

Frost came back with three drinks, and Jane pulled Maura's out of her reach. "You've had enough to drink," Jane said gently, and Maura pouted, slumping against Jane. Frost chuckled, jumping in where he'd left off, while Jane pointed out pretty women at the bar giving him glances.

---

The next time, Constance was staying over. She'd brought wine, and Maura had had a little more than one glass. Jane had had one; she didn't mind a wine or beer, but she stayed pretty sober. PTSD and drinking didn't mix well; she'd learned that fast after Hoyt. Then there was Tommy and Frank, examples that alcohol addiction didn't look good on Rizzolis. Even Jane was feeling the buzz, though; not too heavy, but enough that she excused herself from the table to get some water. She didn't want nightmares later, and she still had to drive home.

Maura joined her in the kitchen, giggling as she stumbled and Jane caught her.

She looked up at Jane, who held her with one arm around her, holding her by the hip, then she looked at Jane's chest, then back up at Jane, her eyes shining, her smile glorious.

"You always save me," Maura said, her voice so low that Jane had to lean down a little to hear her. Maura leaned up a little and pressed her lips to Jane's, quick and easy. "Thanks," Maura said, her cheeks flushed from wine.

Jane held the glass she'd filled from the sink and held it to the lips that had just touched hers until Maura gave in and drank from it.

"You need this more than me," Jane mumbled, her voice low and amused.

Constance and Angela, at the table, looked away when Jane glanced over at them. It was fine. They knew they were just friends. It wasn't like either of them were homophobic either - Constance had been talking about a queer exhibit she'd defended in West Virginia last month, and Angela had shook her head.

"How can anyone hate love," she'd said, looking over at Jane.

Maura drank half the glass before pulling away, shaking her head. Rather than dirty another glass, Jane finished the water and poured another. Her thumb rubbed the crest of Maura's hip, holding her close in case she stumbled again.

"Am I embarassing myself?" Maura asked, sotto voice. Jane chuckled and drank some more water. She turned to look at Maura, who focused her intense gaze on Jane's eyes, seeking an answer. Jane brought up a hand and used two fingers to brush a lock of hair away from Maura's forehead, tucking it behind her ear, then let those fingers drift onto Maura's cheek.

"You could never," Jane told her. "But you're definitely tipsy."

Maura's brow furrowed. She took the glass from Jane's hand and sipped from it.

"I'm being a terrible host," Maura confessed. "Leaving my guests alone at the dining table."

"They're fine. They both love you."

Maura looked uncertain, and it hurt Jane to see just how much she questioned people's affection for her.

"Everyone here loves you, Maura," Jane told her, and Maura's uncertainty turned into a shy smile. Jane knew she'd gotten through to her. Maura's arm wrapped around Jane's waist and she leaned against her. "Even if you are a lightweight," Jane added, rubbing Maura's back.

---

The next time was a Rizzoli gathering. They usually didn't drink, but Tommy was out of town, so it was just Frankie and Jane and Angela in Maura's courtyard, catching up over Sunday dinner. Jane and Frankie fought over who worked the barbeque, and Jane brought Maura her plate first, sitting beside her. Maura's skin glowed in the dusk light, her smile luminescent in twilight. Jane ducked her head to hide the smile on her face, to hide the way Maura made her smile. Maura, caught up in the silliness of Jane and Frankie, stole Jane's beer, wrinkling her nose at the taste of it. God, she was so cute Jane could barely stand it.

So she didn't complain when Maura hauled her inside to get the fresh berries they'd picked upstate for dessert. Maura paused at the counter, looking up at Jane, and Jane was kind of expecting it this time.

Maura got up on her tiptoes in her flats, one hand on Jane's hip, and she pressed her mouth against Jane's.

"Today was perfect. Thank you."

Jane shrugged shyly; it had just been the usual Rizzoli chaos. Maura was still looking up at her like she was a sunset or a fancy painting that coat more than Jane's condo. "I really freaking love you," Maura added. "And your family. I'm so glad I have you."

"Me too," Jane agreed. She snagged a blueberry, chewed it, then pressed her mouth to Maura's, hoping she tasted as good as Maura always did. Maura's smile was shy but no less beautiful for the blue staining her lips.

---

The next time was after the election. Giovanni had been depressed about his candidate, and he'd joined them for a drink. He'd hinted again at a threesome, but Maura, after a single drink this time, had kissed Jane solidly without flinching.

"I'm not sharing her," Maura said possessively, holding Jane's hand on the table. Jane had rolled her eyes when Frankie and Frost and Korsak gave her raised eyebrows from across the room, but she'd tucked her arm over Maura's shoulders and kissed her temple.

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth," Jane said, shrugging.

"I'm hardly a horse, Jane,"

"Come on, I know you know the origin of that phrase."

"Typically a horse's age can be determined by the length and wear on their teeth. Are you saying I'm too old for you?"

"Christ," Jane said, exasperated. "Everything's an insult to you, isn't it? No, you're not old. You're not a horse. It's just something people say when they have something too good to be true. Something they don't think they deserve." Jane paused to realise the truth of that statement. Jane knew she wasn't good enough for Maura, but that was okay, because they weren't actually dating, just pretending.

Maura's eyes were big and teary, and Giovanni cleared his throat, uncomfortable with Jane's confession.

"I'm not something you need to deserve. I'm not something you need to earn."

"I know, but sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am to have you in my life." Jane wasn't surprised by the sincerity of her statements; she'd never felt good enough for Maura, and she knew she was lucky to have such a good friend. She'd taken in most of Jane's family, and Jane herself, in times of trouble. Maura's mouth trembled, a single tear spilling from her eye, and Jane caught it with the tip of her thumb, cradling Maura's face.

"Youse two are so sweet," Giovanni said. "I'm outta here before I gotta see a dentist." He joined Frost at the bar, and Jane pulled Maura closer.

"Don't cry," Jane whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise for crying."

"I'm not used to hearing that people - that anyone values me."

"You mean beyond your immense fortune?" Jane joked, and Maura gave her a watery smile. "Look, I know we put on an act for G, but I do value you. Our friendship is the most important relationship I've ever had in my life. I am lucky to have you. Most people don't like dead body talk at dinner, and you're the one that usually starts it. Most people don't like knowing their friends get shot at-"

"I don't like it when you get shot at. Or shot."

"But you haven't - people abandoned me, after Hoyt."

"I'd never." Maura shot Jane an incredulous look that she'd even suspect it of her.

"I know," Jane immediately reassured her. "Look, I'm not good at all the mushy feelings stuff, but I meant what I said. I'm lucky to have you. I don't know what I did right to have you in my life, but I'm forever grateful I do."

Another tear leaked from Maura's eye, and Jane caught that one too. Maura's eyes closed, and Jane let herself cup Maura's face.

"I think I'm the lucky one," Maura said, her voice low. Her eyes opened and she looked at Jane. Jane could see the lonely, neglected child Maura had been, could see the insecure woman she'd initially met. But she could also see the strong, independent Doctor Maura Isles that championed not just herself but Jane. The ire in her voice when she'd chastised a nurse for Jane's empty morphine pump. The way she'd stood between a woman with a knife and Jane. Maura blinked and her expression changed, something impossibly sweet in her eyes before she pressed her mouth against Jane's again. She pulled away with a little smirk, her confidence returned. "You're lucky I love you," she challenged Jane.

Jane let her hand fall from Maura's face, picked up her beer and took a sip, feeling a little regret that it was washing away the feel of Maura against her lips. She looked intently at her beer bottle.

"Yeah, I am," Jane admitted, hearing Maura's triumphant chuckle as a reward.

--

The next time was at Camille's wedding. Jane was wearing a simple dress Maura had chosen for her - one comfortable enough that she wouldn't fidget through the service, but elegant in its simplicity and the way it flattered Jane's lanky form. Jane had danced with Frost, and Cam, and Frankie, and even Camille and Robyn. Maura had been on her feet all night, always someone ready to take the next dance with her, even Angela and Susie. Jane looked over, saw her glowing under the fairy lights, and excused herself from the conversation she was having with Korsak.

"May I have this dance?" Jane asked.

"Only if we swap shoes," Maura said immediately, and a moment later Jane led her over to the chairs, examining Maura's feet. "I'm okay," Maura reassured her, but Jane pulled a band-aid from her purse and covered a blister on Maura's heel anyway, trading their shoes. She rolled her eyes when her toes got pinched.

"Great, it's not like I wasn't tall enough already," Jane complained, but she helped Maura to her feet. The additional couple of inches difference in their heights meant that Maura could rest her head against Jane's chest as they swayed more than danced to the song playing. "Have you had a good night?"

"I've had a lovely night. It makes me mad that they can't get married back home, that the state won't recognise their partnership."

"Sometimes the law sucks," Jane agreed, and Maura chuckled, her hand tightening on Jane's waist. The lights dimmed and Maura pulled back, seeking Jane's face in the darkness. She really had to stretch this time, to kiss Jane. She had a few drinks, but they'd been there for hours. She lingered there a moment this time, then dropped back down, resting her head against Jane's chest again. Jane looked around; the lights were coming up again, someone had plugged in the strand over the wedding arch again. Not that she minded, but they were at a lesbian wedding, and people might get the wrong idea.

"I really, really, freaking love you, Jane. Mostly for swapping our shoes, but also for your other contributions to my personal comfort levels."

Jane chuckled, holding Maura closer. She closed her eyes and felt Maura's head resting over her heart. As lovely a night as Maura might have had, Jane was sure hers had been nicer, because it was ending with Maura.

---

Even Casey being back in Boston didn't deter Maura. They'd come home, giggling and whispering, and Casey had come out, tousled, from Jane's bedroom. Jane liked how she felt with him. She liked that no one questioned their relationship, that no one thought she was too close to Maura. Because she had Casey. He eyed Maura, then sighed.

"Guess I'm taking the couch," he said, resigned, and she loved that he offered, loved him for offering. Loved that he knew Maura came first. She kissed him, then dragged Maura to the bedroom, still giggling.

Maura looked cute in Jane's pyjamas. Jane had bought them specifically for Maura; they had a pattern of crowns on the pants, and the top had the word 'Diva' in gold across the chest, with a little crown tilted over the 'd'. Maura used her toothbrush, then brushed her hair as she watched Jane brush her teeth. The giggles were gone, and the sombre mood had returned; they'd had a rough case, and it had been hard on both of them. Jane was glad Maura was here, because she'd hate to think of Maura all alone in her big bed in Beacon Hill, thinking too much about what she could have done to find the killer sooner so there wouldn't have been a second victim, while Jane lay awake across town in Casey's arms, feeling inexplicably like she'd gone wrong somewhere.

"I should have-" Jane started, seeing what she should have seen earlier. That poor kid would be alive if she'd seen it sooner. Maura took Jane's toothbrush and put it back in the cup. Jane and Maura's shared a cup; Casey's sat on the bench in a travel clip. She turned Jane to look at her.

"It's not your fault," Maura told her sternly.

"I could have done something," Jane said, aware her voice was shaking.

"You know you're not responsible. That awful man would have found some other way to-" Maura shook her head. "I could have-"

"There was no way of knowing." Jane tried to reassure her. "He covered his tracks. We were all taken in by him. I know we both feel like we should have seen it sooner, but you've said it before. Serial killers integrate incredibly well." Maura nodded sadly, and Jane's heart broke a little. Jane was allowed to blame herself, but Maura wasn't. She'd worked long hours, she'd worked tirelessly despite the minute amount of evidence she'd had. That she'd found anything at all was close to miraculous. Jane hugged her, and Maura clung to her, her shoulders shaking. Jane carefully helped her down the hall to the bedroom, sat her down on the bed. She took the left side, forcing Maura onto the side Jane usually slept on. She wasn't making Maura sleep where Casey slept.

"You did everything you could," Jane said, hearing Maura's uneven breathing in the dark. Maura rolled over and found Jane in the bed, hovered over her for a moment, her fingers finding Jane's mouth before her lips did.

"I didn't, but I love you for saying that, even if it's not true." Maura's breath ghosted over Jane's face. Her lips were always soft, but tonight they were salty with the tears that had fallen on them unchecked. Jane found Maura's cheeks in the dark, brushed her thumbs across them.

"How is it not true?"

"I could have found it earlier. He left it there for me. He was taunting me."

"It is so far out of standard operating procedure to check the upper intestines for the momentos of a serial killer. And the fact that the second victim died before we even found the first means there was nothing you could have done. You couldn't have stopped him. We have stopped him, and it's because your brilliant mind found his sick souvenirs."

"I appreciate you saying that."

"Everything that happened was because he was a monster. None of it, not the timing, not the second death - none of it is your fault."

"If it's not mine, then it's not yours either," Maura said, and Jane loved that Maura knew Jane was blaming herself. Maura had stopped crying, but Jane's hands still cradled her face. She pulled Maura down a little lower, too ashamed to ask, too scared to do it herself. But Maura knew her, Maura understood her. Maura placed a gentle kiss of absolution on Jane, and she felt the tension leave them both. Maura tucked herself up on Jane's chest, her hands gripping Jane like a teddy bear.

It was only then that Jane remembered Casey in the other room, the smell of his aftershave on her sheets. Shouldn't she want to be in his arms, after a day like that? He'd understand, wouldn't he? All the self-recriminations, all the things Jane saw on the job. He'd understand.

But he didn't know Jane. Not the way Maura knew Jane. He didn't know how to ease her guilt with a single kiss.

And that made her feel even guiltier.

---

Jane had been checked over by medics before heading to Maura's. She knew Angela was out, and she hoped no one had told Maura what had happened. Casey was gone again, and all Jane had to show for it was an email saying it wasn't going to work out.

It hadn't mentioned Maura.

It hadn't had to.

Maura was at the counter when Jane came in. She turned and stormed towards Jane so angrily that Jane backed up into the door behind her, swallowing.

Maura audited Jane now that she had her trapped, her fingers frisking her like she was a perp, pressing against Jane's ribs to find extra give or bruising, looking for bandages under her shirt.

Jane submitted guiltily to the search, pulling off her jacket and holding out her arm. She'd had a tetanus shot too, which was tender when Maura touched her ass. Barbed wire. She'd been shot at, but it was the barbed wire that got her.

Evidently satisfied Jane was relatively unmarred, some of Maura's ire dissipated. She held Jane's hand and stroked the line of the scar, then lifted her hand to Jane's stomach, where a bullet had gone through her. The other hand trailed up to Jane's throat, where a serial killer had cut her more than once.

Then Maura's lips were on hers, harder and angrier than they'd ever been. A fierce, scared kiss that wasn't the sort a friend would give a friend. Maura pulled away, her finger still on Jane's throat. She kissed the mark on Jane's throat too, the mark that matched hers. When she pulled away, Jane's fingers sought the matching mark, then she gently pressed her lips against the little scar Jane had left on Maura's life.

"Don't you know how much I-" Maura started. Jane pulled away, worried. Maura started to cry, and Jane held her. "Don't you know how much I worry about you?" Maura asked, and it hadn't been what Jane had been expecting to hear.

"I know," Jane reassured her. "I'm okay, I promise." She cradled the back of Maura's head, her other hand rubbing her back as Maura gripped her tightly, her tears wet against Jane's chest. "I came here so you could see for yourself. See? I'm okay."

"Next time you might not be," Maura said fiercely. "No going in without backup. You agreed."

"He wasn't a suspect."

Maura grunted with frustration. Jane ran her fingers through Maura's hair. It hurt when Maura was hurt. But it felt good to have Maura worry about her. It felt good to have that anger aimed at her, because it was easier than all the other things Maura aimed at her. The soft kisses and gentle words. The way she took care of Jane and her family. Maura was too soft and girly for her, and she wished she was softer and girlier for Maura in a way she'd never wanted to be for Casey. She wanted to be the sort of woman who could do Maura's makeup and kiss her in public. She wanted to be the sort of woman who didn't make Maura stay up late worrying about her.

"I never meant to scare you," Jane started. Maura sniffed and pulled away, wiping at her face, pulling away again when Jane reached for her cheeks.

"You have a partner for a reason. How can you expect Frost to watch your back when you take off on your own?"

"I'm sorry," Jane said gently. "He was at lunch, and I didn't think this guy was a threat."

"Can you at least let me know before you do something stupid like that, so I can tell you how stupid you're being?"

"I can try."

"Okay." Maura pouted once more, then gave Jane a weak smile. "Okay."

It was only then that Jane realised that Maura hadn't tasted of wine or beer. She'd been sober. Jane's stomach clenched painfully. It was too real. It wasn't something friends did. Friends didn't kiss - not like that - not sober. She headed for the fridge, grabbing a beer, hoping it would make her feel better. Hoping it would drown out the hope that Maura might actually mean it when she kissed her.

---

Maura smiled when Jane came in after parking the car, but Jane shook her head, serious and quiet. She approached Maura in the kitchen, seeing Maura's uncertainty as Jane advanced on her. Jane kept going until she had Maura pinned against the fridge, the sensor turning the light on, illuminating Maura with a tantalising glow.

Jane lowered her mouth, seeing how Maura's tilted up to hers, then skirted sideways, pressing her lips to the little freckles on the right side of Maura's throat that she'd always wanted to kiss, then around over those collarbones, to the scar she always felt guilty about when Maura didn't cover it in concealer. Maura started to ask a question, but Jane's mouth covered hers and swallowed it. Jane's mouth was usually closed when Maura kissed her; she opened herself up for Maura tonight, and Maura melted between Jane and the fridge. Jane drove on; Maura always had been too soft and girly for her. Jane was used to being forthright and direct, and her lips asked permission that Maura fervently granted, her mouth dropping open to welcome Jane, her hands pulling Jane closer, pressing her hips into Jane, a desperate little whimper escaping from her lungs into Jane's. Jane pulled away, worried she'd hurt her, then saw Maura's plump lips and mildly dilated pupils and flushed chest. She put a hand to Maura's forehead.

"Your temperature is raised," Jane said in wonder. Maura rolled her eyes.

"Did you think I was telling you the signs of female arousal so you'd know when men are attracted to you?" Maura scoffed, pulling Jane back to her, hand on the back of her neck. She matched Jane's energy with her own, hands scrambling at Jane's shirts, with her pants, giving up and threading through Jane's hair, grasping her scalp and making sure Jane didn't pull away.

The front door opened and closed, and Angela coughed as she placed something on the kitchen counter behind them. They pulled apart, flushed and trembling.

"I got takeaway, since you two prefer to eat out," Angela said, taking one bag and heading for the door with a smirk. Jane and Maura stared after her.

"Do you - do you think she knows what that means?" Jane asked finally. Maura shrugged, her attention back on Jane's lips - lips that weren't kissing hers. Lips that should be kissing hers.

Jane pulled away reluctantly.

"I got the rest of my life to kiss you, but that food will be cold by the time I'm done with you."

"How long are you expecting it to take?" Maura asked, following Jane to the food, hiking up her shirt at the back so she could palm her stomach from behind.

"Hmm?" Jane was distracted by dishing out the meals, but also by Maura's hand sliding slowly up her shirt. Maura could be asking how long Jane expected the rest of her life to take, which clearly neither of them knew, or she could be asking how long Jane expected it to take to thoroughly satisfy Maura, which she'd have to budget a few hours for - her lips were so kissable and addictive that she kind of wanted to just do that forever, aware as she was of the building tension as Maura's hand slid lower. Or she could be asking...

"How long until you think you'll be done with me?"

Maura's voice was coy, but Jane heard the question and turned, taking both hands so Maura had to listen to her.

"Just said. Rest of my life. Probably won't be long enough, but I'm never going to be done loving you."

Maura, stunned, freed one hand and pressed it over Jane's heart.

"I meant. You know. The, um. Are we going to?"

"Oh, the sex? When we'll be done having sex? Until neither of us can move anymore, I guess," Jane said casually, squeaking when Maura hauled her out of the kitchen, giving their deserted meal one last longing look before giving up and following Maura up the stairs.

---

Maura kisses Jane when she hasn't had a drink.

In, like, a gay way. She just looks up at Jane with shining eyes and plants one on her. Sometimes it's followed with an 'I love you', and sometimes it's preceded by it. Jane beats her to it more than half the time.

She wouldn't have it any other way.

[sinsmockingbird]

Hey Sins! I had a bit of a silly question 😭. In your opinion, how would you rank the PtN girls libido-wise? Like who has a high libido to average and such? Also, I hope you’re doing okay since your break and I’m really glad you’re back!

This is how I'd rank them;

Note; I listed Bianca, Shawn, Jane, & L.L. before their release. Those rankings are simply based on vibes/little information that I have, so it'll probably change once they're out.

To explain the top four women; I get the vibes Bai Yi is kinda addicted to sex, but not like in a bad way, she's just prone to having a one night stand about every day. Cabernet should be obvious considering her hunger, a way she can quench her thirst is by feasting on your pussy/cock for hours on end.

From what I've seen of L.L. she gives me maybe kinky vibes... like girl is into freaky shit (and we love that), so I mainly put her there in the sense of her not wanting sex all the time as in having orgasms, but in the sense she wants to be your pet 24/7 (yeah I think she has pet/master kink). Finally, with Pricilla... she's a rabbit, and everyone knows that Bunnies fuck like crazy, so.

If you want me to explain more of my rankings, just lmk!!

[cazzyf1]

The other day on my tiktok I created a simple post about how James Hunt is more than just the Playboy persona that is associated with him. This flew over someone's head who commented about how he was a Playboy. I responded explaining the point of the video but instead they doubled down saying that James didn't care about F1 only about partying.

So today I went through some of my books and gathered a load of quotes to show the James Hunt that most people do not know about, the one outside of the Playboy perception. I've posted it on tiktok but figured I'll upload it here as well so the true James Hunt can reach more people and slowly we can dismantle the reputation 'Rush' gave him ❤️

TW: Depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms/addictions

When you think of James Hunt you think of the 'playboy'. The guy who partied, drank lots, took drugs and slept with lots of women. Its true he did that, and a lot but to dismiss him as just that is wrong. He was a good driver, a person who tried his best, a kind man who cared for human & animal rights.

The next few slides I've compiled quotes from a few books and website to show what kind of person he actually was and what he went through in life and that less people will dismiss him as just a Playboy.

James Hunt's first marriage was rocky because James was already very involved in his addictions and he knew he didn't love Susy because he felt that he wasn't capable of love. But he felt responsible for her and wanted to look after her. Here is his own opinion from his book ->

"It was really THE problem. I thought that marriage was what I wanted and needed to give me a nice stable and quiet home life, but in fact it wasn't and the key mistake was mine. I really wanted to go racing on my own, and it wasn't much fun for Susy to sit at home and wait for me all that time. It was also a terrible hassle for her to come racing because race meetings were probably the most relaxing time in my schedule. The rest of the time you tend to be leaping on aeroplanes once a day and that made it even worse because it's bad enough organizing one person to get on an aeroplane. Organizing two gets to be twice as much hassle. It got to the point where it was a problem for Susy to come travelling and a hell of a deal for her to stay at home. It was making life miserable in the extreme for her and since I felt responsible for her it was making me miserable too. So we had agreed to split up and then Richard Burton came along and solved all the problems. We had had an immensely successful marriage because I learnt an awful lot about myself and life and I think Susy did too. We all ended up happy, anyway, which is more than can be said for a lot of marriages" - p14 Against All Odds

Much is said about James Hunt and the ladies he kept company, and without knowing anything about James you might assume the worst, but here's some quotes about what he was actually like with the ladies ->

"I don't usually have sex before a race because I am very definitely concentrating -I find that it is the communication between two people that makes it worth- while, and before a race I am pretty uncommunicative. However, if say I have an hour or so to spare before dinner on the night before a race then I can enjoy the physical release. But I will only do it with someone who is fully understanding" - p15 Against All Odds

"He was always attentive to his partners needs. Indeed much of his satisfaction came from giving pleasure. The only problem, some of them confessed, was that his desire to please often out-stripped their needs" - p264 James Hunt: The Biography

"I was sure he was gay, because he never made a move on me for so long" - p278 Jane Birbeck, long time partner, James Hunt: The Biography

"He missed the actual skirmish - he was inside getting drinks at the bar - but had to be forcibly restrained from going after the policeman who hit his girlfriend" - p284 James Hunt: The Biography

James Hunt had many affairs in his time, because he had become an addict to many things including women (more on this later) He was aware of his and it plagued James that he couldn't control it ->

"One evening she returned to their London home to find James in tears. He was tormented by feelings of guilt caused by his lust for other women. He confessed the full extent of his unfaithfulness, that it was unfair to her and that for her sake they couldn't remain a couple. It wasn't that he was bored with her, but that his desire for other women was insatiable and uncontrollable. He held Jane in his arms and they both wept" - p320

One thing that helped James in his life time was his love for animals especially his pet dog Oscar. Here are some quotes about his love for animals and how far he would go to help protect them ->

"I think in a way Oscar was the child James never had at that stage. He was a remarkable dog, no question, but James thought a lot about animals and their requirements and was very concerned about their needs. He gave Oscar the very best treatment and also was keenly intrested in the welfare of other dogs. He would look at a dog, wonder if it's owner was treating it well and bringing it up properly and if the dog was getting everything out of life that it could" - p281

"Before he came to know James better, the journalist Nigel Roebuck was pleasantly surprised by an incident involvinged stray dog. It was late in the evening after a Grand Prix and tha teams were packing up to leave when James, while talking to Roebuck, saw the dog wandering around the paddock, shiver-ing and obviously very hungry. Roebuck, also sensitive to the needs of an animal in distress, went with James to several of the team motorhomes where they got food and fed the dog. But that wasn't the end of it as far as James was concerned. He insisted that they should take the dog up to the race control centre.

Roebuck: 'He took the dog in there and would not leave until he was sure it would be looked after. James actually made this official sign a piece of paper saying he would take care of the dog and see that it was housed and properly cared for. I was very impressed with this. James was probably one of only a handful of people on this entire planet who would even give that sort of thing a second thought." - p281

"He also thought the wild animals residing on his estate should be left alone. If vermin had to be controlled it should be done in the most humane way possible, and he strongly dissaproved of blood sports. The very thought of fox hunting he found horrible and he vowed not to allow it on his property" - p308

James was also incredibly caring towards the young people in his life such as his sons and his younger siblings. Here’s an extract from his first GF about James and his siblings ->

".. the way he expressed his concern for the emotional youngest members of his family:

He really enjoyed looking after them, and just seeing the way the behaved with his little brothers and sisters you knew was instinctive in him. He was always going to be a good father.

One evening he invited her home where he was babysitting Jo Jo, Dave and Tim. When James had tucked them in he left Ping to read them a bedtime story. When Ping came downstairs James asked her if she had helped them say their prayers. When I said no, James said: "Right. You've missed out hugely there. Come on, we'd better go and do it." So they did. His attitude was that he was taught to do that by his parents and it simply had to be done.'

But he also practised what he preached, and he believed in the power of prayer. In the troubled years to come James would pray to God for strength and help, and he eventually passed on the bedtime prayer ritual to his own two boys, to whom he became completely devoted.

During his time with Ping he had talked about having children, and she thinks fatherhood earlier in his life would have prevented James from sinking into his period of decadence.

I felt so sorry for him then because I knew underneath it wasn't the real James doing this. I think he was trying to make life happy, the wrong way. If he had settled down earlier, had a more normal home life with children of his own when he was younger, one could have seen a totally different James.' - p26

James Hunt cared for human rights especially taking a stand against the Apartheids in South Africa. The Apartheids in short was a system of racial segregation. In protest most sports were not going to South Africa but Formula One still was, and James Hunt made it clear his thoughts

->

“We were once covering the South African Grand Prix during the days of apartheid. All of a sudden, and for no particular reason, he launched into an attack on apartheid.

“It was nothing to do with the Grand Prix, nor would it do British-South African relations any good. Our producer pushed a piece of paper across saying: ‘Talk about the race!’

“And then James blurted out on air: ‘Thank God we’re not actually there!”

But simply calling out Apartheid on the air wasn’t enough for Hunt. He sought to have his race commentaries blocked from being broadcast in South Africa, but was unsuccessful.

When that didn’t work, he instead — and secretly — gave financial support from his income as a race broadcaster to groups struggling to end Apartheid in South Africa."

"His deeply compassionate and loving nature was something that, unfortunately, wasn't adequately conveyed to the public, who only ever heard about the sensational side of James Hunt" - p282 John Watson

As mentioned earlier James Hunt was an addict. His playboy lifestyle was his addictions and this is all rooted back to the fact that James Hunt had depression which grew stronger and stronger. He relied on his additions to get rid of his depression which meant he kept doing more and more. Here are some quotes about his struggle with it and eventually how he overcame it ->

"At home James became increasingly introverted, uncommunicative and reclusive. He gave up golf and spent more and more of his time in the aviary tending his budgies. While the parties continued he would often leave the guests to Sarah and closet himself in the aviary for hours on end.

It became obvious that James was very troubled, but only Sarah and his closest friends knew the full extent of the anguish and despair James suffered during his bouts with what he called his 'dippers'.

Black dog' was the term Winston Churchill used for the recurring 'depressions which afflicted him throughout his life. Bubbles Horsley thinks James was 'born with a "black dog" on his shoulder. His racing pushed the "dog" away far enough so that it was no longer visible. But underneath that wonderful joie de vivre, the laughter and enjoying life, he was given to black moods. He was fearful of them and maybe it was that fear that drove him on. Perhaps without it he would never have been World Champion.

'And I think after the initial "honeymoon" of retirement from racing the black dog came and sat on his shoulder and wouldnt go away. So he became more fearful and sought distraction in various ways, through sex and drink and drugs and rock and roll, as it were." - p323

"At home Sarah watched her husband's condition worsen and desperately sought to help him. She thought his depressiond might partly be due to a chemical imbalance that James was born with, a theory that James explored himself. Then, too, to keep his dippers at bay he consumed too much alcohol and marijuana, both of which can temporarily bring relief but over the long term on have depressive effects.

Like others, Sarah felt that another reason for his 'dippers' might have been because he cut off his emotions early in his life and never learned how to open up to people, or to need them. He was essentially a lonely man and his inability to form close relationships made him despair. His depressions further deadened his feelings, and when he was unable to respond emotionally to marriage and children he grew progressively more despondent.

Sarah: 'He was at war with himself. His depressions became Intolerable and towards the end he stopped trying to fight them coming on because he knew they would take over for two days or week. His face would go black and he would take to his bed and stay there, even on Christmas Day. He'd gone to bed two days beforehand and we had Christmas stockings for the boys. I said, Come on, Beast, the boys are waiting." And he said, "Beast, i can't do it." And he was crying" - p333

"When James felt a "dipper" coming on he would go on two- or three-day benders, mostly drinking vodka. He would just keep going and going, which was always a bit terrifying, and after these deep, dark blank days he would suffer real self-loathing. He could forget his trouble with drink, but it always came back.

For many years trying to get rid of his depression was his major concern, which is why he got the budgerigars. He thought it would be such a huge amount of effort that it would distract him and they became an obsession rather than a hobby. He would sit in the aviary for hours, but he would come back still in the grip of gloom. And for a long time he was so down it was very hard to even converse with him." - p326

"He tried different treatments acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine and looked into every possible theory. He went to different healers, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, the lot, to try and find the root of his depression. And in the end he cracked it" - p337

"He began to become more diet-conscious and to eat healthy foods. He also consumed information, in books and magazines, on overcoming addictions, and sought more professional help.

He knew he should stop smoking cigarettes and reduce his marijuana consumption, and he told some friends he thought he might be an alcoholic. He worried that his need for women was another form of addiction and feared he might contract AIDS and infect someone else.

John Hogan: 'So he stopped it all. Straightened himself out by absolute willpower. The strength of character of the man enabled him to get out of it. He cut out the cigarettes, the dope and drugs. the booze and the womanising and his sense of priorities became more well-balanced.' - p338

As he started healing himself of his addictions he became serious about F1 again. He always cared for the sport, doing everything he could to race when he was younger and now though he was retired he still commentated and took part in other ways to stay close to the sport ->

"James became serious about strengthening his position in the media side of Formula 1 racing. He took on an internationally syndicated newspaper column and spent many hours gathering information for it. Working with a journalist he applied himself conscientiously to making sure that every word was written to his satisfaction" - p338

James started to heal his relationships as well, becoming an amazing parent to his two boys and finally meeting a woman who helped him feel loved and be able to love after so long of not being able to ->

"The boys were real handfuls to look after but he was awfully good with them and he really fathered and mothered them extremely well. He was always up early in the morning cooking their breakfast and then the four of us would go off salmon fishing. James would fish properly and I would fool around fishing with the youngsters. And then in the evening we used to settle down and he would tell them stories." - p343

A letter James sent to his girlfriend Helen:

"I went to the parents' 50th in a totally negative frame of mind, feeling very much an outsider and wanting the floor to swallow me up. As the day went on, although I remained 'out- side', I could see and feel lots of generous, undemanding love around me. Something changed for me there with my family. Everyone was exuding love and I saw the wonder of it and want to be part of it, but firstly with you.

I realise now that the feeling of not being loved as a child made me close up to any incoming love projected onto me. I do see that I cannot live on without love. You brought it home to me when you pointed out how well I'm doing with the boys. Well I have had to work at that and I've got better at it and I have to do it with you. You are the girl of my dreams. Without you I have no future. I want to make you happy and continue to do so until I die.

All my love for the love of my life,

James"

- p350

Finally James was happy. He was healed from his addictions, in a healthy relationship, had two lovely sons and a job he loved. And best of all he was able to be open with Helen ->

"James confessed to Helen that he was unable to be faithful to anyone in the past because sex was for him just another addiction and he needed women to get his highs. He disliked social gatherings and only had parties or went to them to pick up women. Helen was willing to forgive and forget what went on before, but told him she wouldn't tolerate it in their relationship and he agreed to be faithful to her." - p350

Helen went away on a girls holiday before her and James were going to start trying for children. James proposed to her over the phone on the holiday to which she said yes. But she would never see her finance because he passed away from a heart attack. Unfortunately the previous life he lead caught up to him.

Thank you for reading all of this and I hope you now know more about James Hunt than you already did! It's sad that James is best known now for his unhealthy coping mechanisms for his depression, especially with the film 'Rush' romanticising it. But even if just one person reads all of this it means one more person knows the truth of James Hunt and that makes it worth it ❤️

[apoemaday]

Update on Werewolves

by Margaret Atwood

In the old days, all werewolves were male. They burst through their bluejean clothing as well as their own split skins, exposed themselves in parks, howled at the moonshine. Those things frat boys do.

Went too far with the pigtail yanking— growled down into the pink and wriggling females, who cried Wee wee wee all the way to the bone. Heck, it was only flirting, plus a canid sense of fun: See Jane run!

But now it’s different: No longer gender specific. Now it’s a global threat.

Long-legged women sprint through ravines in furry warmups, a pack of kinky models in sado-French Vogue getups and airbrushed short-term memories, bent on no-penalties rampage.

Look at their red-rimmed paws! Look at their gnashing eyeballs! Look at the backlit gauze of their full-moon subversive halos! Hairy all over, this belle dame, and it’s not a sweater.

O freedom, freedom and power! they sing as they lope over bridges, bums to the wind, ripping out throats on footpaths, pissing off brokers.

Tomorrow they’ll be back in their middle-management black and Jimmy Choos with hours they can’t account for and first dates’ blood on the stairs. They’ll make some calls: Good-bye. It isn’t you, it’s me. I can’t say why. They’ll dream of sprouting tails at sales meetings, right in the audiovisuals. They’ll have addictive hangovers and ruined nails.

[wildfellweekly]

New Book Club for Autumn 2023!

Announcing Wildfell Weekly, a substack read-a-long for Anne Brontë's novel The Tenant of Wildfell Hall!

You must go back with me to the autumn of 1827.

A new tenant has taken up residence in old Wildfell Hall and Mr. Gilbert Markham finds himself very intrigued. But the widow Mrs. Helen Graham is more than what she seems, and as rumors about her start to fly, she reveals to a doubting Gilbert the truth about the disastrous marriage she left behind.

Anne Brontë differed from her sisters Charlotte (Jane Eyre) and Emily (Wuthering Heights) in favoring a Realist rather than Romantic approach to her writing. In Tenant she explored themes of domestic violence, alcoholism and addiction, gender relations, motherhood and marriage, and the ability of women to define their own lives with an unflinching desire to depict what she saw to be true. While now considered among the first feminist novels, critics of Anne's day were shocked by a book they found coarse, brutal, and overly graphic.

So starting October 26, 2023 and until June 10, 2024, let's read together a story one nineteenth century critic called "utterly unfit to be put in the hands of girls"!

Find More Information about the Project and Subscribe Here!

[julienbakerstreet]

Gender, Marriage, and Queer Subtext in My Dearly Beloved Detective

Me? Sapphic-truthing a Soviet Sherlock Holmes adaptation? Yes obviously and you will be too at the end of this.

First of all, I love this movie. It's absurd and silly but I love the way it deals with gender politics. The premise (that the literary character Sherlock Holmes became so popular that an unspecified group decided to form a detective agency at 221B to help everyone who came asking for Sherlock Holmes, and then hired two women to fill the roles because their last names were already Holmes and Watson) requires you to suspend your disbelief (did Shirley Holmes take up violin to be more like her literary counterpart? Why did they insist upon hiring people with the correct last names but not the correct genders? Why do they turn 221B's sitting room into a museum that implies Sherlock Holmes is a real man before introducing clients to Shirley?) but it's so worth watching.

The plot of the movie revolves around sexism. From the opening scene, we see a client doubt Holmes’s skills. "Do you really think I will entrust my case to you? Sorry, Miss, this is not as easy as cooking porridge," he says. To him, a woman's domain is restricted to domestic tasks. In response, Holmes lets loose a string of deductions, including one that a male detective could not have made. "Only a woman can sense a light scent of French perfume in burned coal," she says. One of the reasons I'm very passionate about adapting/reading Holmes as a member of marginalized groups is because people in marginalized communities have knowledge that outsiders aren't necessarily aware of that would be a boon to Holmes's detective work. Elementary had episodes where Sherlock's past as an addict or Joan's experiences as a Chinese woman were crucial to solving the case. Queer interpretations of Holmes often give him insight into a criminalized queer Victorian underworld that aids his work. MDBD shows how Holmes's gender (or, more accurately, the way she is treated because of her gender) hinders her, but it also demonstrates how it can be an advantage in her work. ACD Holmes says that his irregulars are valuable because they can go places and hear things that he never could, and the same is true of women, who were/are often overlooked.

But the main plot of the movie isn't about men underestimating Holmes and Watson. It's about men being intimidated, emasculated, and jealous of them. Scotland Yard is humiliated that a woman is showing them up at every turn and getting the credit in the papers. Early in canon, the police are frequently dismissive and envious of Holmes, and I love how MDBD imagines how the tone of these interactions would change if Holmes was a woman. The police view Holmes's success as a slippery slope to female equality: "If a woman detective can make a joke out of Scotland Yard, anything can happen in England." "This will end with a minister in a skirt," one says- a meta-reference to Margaret Thatcher being England's PM when MDBD came out.

Scotland Yard officials dig into Shirley's past to try and get dirt on her. Before she was a detective, she worked in a law office and had once been a brilliant student. The only black mark on her record that they can find is that she's never been married. "As a professional she's perfect, but as a woman..." a Yarder says, making it clear that to be a professional and a woman are two separate things. This is echoed in the line "She's not a woman, she's a rival." It's clear that the professional respect they have for her can only exist if they desexualize her. "A woman, charming, beautiful, powerful, wealthy. And despite all that, she's unmarried... it's extremely suspicious." Both of the men in this scene are also unmarried, but they only find it inherently suspicious for Shirley.

Later on in the film, the chief inspector tells his assistant that they should comfort Shirley and Jane after they shut down their agency. “Perhaps I should marry her… And you can marry Watson,” he says. He’s envisioning a future in which he publicly humiliates Shirley and then marries her to comfort her. In his mind, marriage- even to the man who schemed to embarrass her in front of the press and end her detective career- is automatically something Shirley would want and be comforted by. It’s beyond the realm of imagination to him that she’s unmarried by choice.

It's unclear how old Shirley is supposed to be, but the actress who played Holmes, Yekaterina Sergeyevna Vasilyeva, was 40 when the movie was released. The characters don't view her as too old to be desirable, they only comment on the fact that she's so incredible and has gone this long without getting married. In fact, a subplot of the movie involves a former client of Shirley's traveling to England from Spain because he's in love with her. Shirley doesn't reciprocate, going so far as to learn Spanish to tell him to leave her alone more effectively. "If there is one man who truly thrills me, it's Sherlock Holmes and no one else," Shirley says. Because Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character in this universe, she's saying that her career as a detective is what drives her. It's refreshing to see a middle-aged woman who the narrative treats as desirable without making it central to her plot or personality. I appreciate how the movie doesn’t soften Shirley’s personality from ACD Holmes’s- she can be just as abrasive, impatient, and cold while maintaining ACD Holmes’s capacity for emotion.

The Scotland Yard officials decide to set up a fake crime, get Shirley to investigate, let her believe that she's solved it, and publically humiliate her by revealing the hoax and saying "That's what happens when women become detectives." This scheme is an admission that they know that Holmes is more skilled than they are and they know they can't beat her fairly. The way they attempt to humiliate her indicates that they do respect her, even as they resent her for it. I've always loved that ACD Holmes critiques how self-interested the police and the justice system can be, and MDBD picks up on that theme. The men at Scotland Yard resent Shirley so much that they're willing to compromise their ability to solve crime and help people just so a woman isn't seen as more competent than they are.

Another detail I love is that throughout the movie, Jane is shown as a full partner to Shirley. Shirley trusts her to make deductions and investigate crime scenes. When Shirley is practicing her marksmanship or her martial arts, so is Jane. Jane is a little younger and implied to be less experienced, but she's not a Watson who's just along for the ride. Their partnership is very important to both of them, and Shirley reacts with distress when her Watson announces her engagement, similar to how Holmes reacts to Watson's engagement in The Sign of the Four. Unlike ACD Holmes, she criticizes Jane's choice, convincing her to call it off.

Shirley and Jane spend a full 10 minutes of the movie in drag. They wear men's evening wear and mustaches, disguising themselves to go undercover in a gentleman's club. While in drag, Shirley flirts with a flower seller outside of the club. Jane, following her lead, quickly flirts with another flower seller. They aren't being observed, and this has no relation to the investigation. Shirley expresses no interest in men throughout the movie, but she uses male dress to flirt with women.

Inside the club, the men sing a song about how "there's no one more stupid than a married man," "no one is smarter than an old bachelor," and "our hearts are closed to girls." These men get to be proud to be bachelors, a stark contrast to how view Shirley's lack of a husband is viewed as a suspicious defect. The men even bemoan how "for years the world was groaning and suffering under women's oppression." Shirley and Jane have been facing sexist treatment the entire movie, yet these men are so convinced that women are the ones oppressing them.

After Holmes and Watson leave the club, Watson cries because she was scared of being found out, and Holmes coldly tells her that she needs to practice acting as a man "so the lowest sailor would take us for his mates." Evidently, they frequently need to present as male for their investigations, because men aren't always willing to be open with two ladies. She tells Watson (the more feminine of the pair) that her skin and hands are too soft and they need to stop using cosmetics. She even encourages Jane to use sandpaper to make her hands rougher. Jane balks at this and Shirley asks if she wants to be a good detective. "Let me be a bad one, but I will remain a woman," Jane says, still wearing a mustache and suit. "I'm a woman and I will stay one!" She chastises Holmes for attempting to control her personal life and derogatorily calls her "Mister Holmes." Shirley's gender non-conformity is part of her, and she can't fathom why Jane doesn't want to live like she does. Jane is comfortable defying gender norms by working as a detective, but Shirley's devotion to her work at the expense of her femininity is too much for Jane to accept. Despite being Holmes's partner, Jane projects the same gendered disapproval that Scotland Yard does. Whatever else Shirley is, she's a failed woman first in their eyes. In anger, Jane calls up her ex-fiance and declares that she will marry him to spite Shirley, even as Shirley tells her to stop. Marriage is, for Jane, a repudiation of her partnership with Shirley and the noncomformist lifestyle they lived together.

Towards the end, Shirley and Jane talk to a woman (going by the alias "Rosita") who is part of the plot by Scotland Yard to embarrass Shirley. The Yard used her incarcerated husband to coerce her. Shirley sees through this and appeals to her "woman to woman.” "Love to your husband is a great feeling, but love to the truth is greater," she says. Rosita asks if Holmes and Watson have ever been married, implying that they cannot understand her reasoning because they're single. It’s that understanding and alteration of priorities that is assumed to come with marriage for a woman that Jane is leaving Shirley for.

The plot's resolution was a little disappointing. Shirley's Spanish suitor holds the chief inspector hostage until he agrees to... have all of Scotland Yard perform an elaborate and choreographed apology song to Shirley? It's weird. She's unimpressed and looks uncomfortable with the whole display. For all the ways this movie highlights Holmes's intelligence and capability, it's odd that the resolution to the police wanting to embarrass Holmes for being a competent woman is the man who harassed Holmes the entire movie and ignored her when she told him to leave her alone forcing the men of Scotland Yard to play nice with Shirley and Jane. I would have preferred to watch Holmes and Watson teach them a lesson on their own terms, which would have thematically been more in line with the rest of the movie.

Later, the chief tells Shirley he's ashamed of how he behaved and wants to end the rivalry and be friends, but even this apology is halfhearted. There never was a rivalry between them- he was just resentful of her success, even though it helped him.

The movie ends with Jane, freshly married, running into Shirley. She kisses Shirley on the cheek and gives her half of her wedding bouquet before Shirley kisses her (rather deeply and for longer than I'd consider strictly friendly) on the mouth. Shirley twirls in delight before walking off, but Jane runs after her and they say goodbye one more time. Jane goes back to her husband and embraces him before looking back at Shirley. Shirley walks away, caressing the cheek Jane kissed and wiping away her tears, still holding half of her partner's wedding bouquet.

To me, this movie ultimately reads like a bittersweet love story between Shirley and Jane. Jane is a good detective, but she can't bring herself to betray social convention to the degree required to be great. Holmes doesn’t understand why Watson’s femininity and social position as a lady is important to her. ACD Holmes being upset at losing his partner when Watson gets married has been explored so many times through both queer and straight lenses, but marriage for a man and a woman in Victorian England was very different. A married man had much more agency and separate identity than a married woman, and Shirley is very aware of how marriage would affect Jane's freedom to do their work. I like to think that they continue their partnership and eventually get together (possibly when Jane realizes that Shirley was right to advise her against marrying a gambler) because they have a very sweet and domestic relationship.

As always, all my love to @spiritcc for making this and other Russian adaptations accessible to English speakers!

[whencyclopedia]

The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper

"The Five" by Hallie Rubenhold offers a fresh perspective on the victims of Jack the Ripper, focusing on their lives rather than their deaths. Rubenhold's meticulous research brings these women to life, challenging misconceptions and shedding light on the socio-economic struggles of Victorian London. Unlike typical true crime narratives, this book emphasizes the humanity of its subjects. It's a must-read for history enthusiasts of all levels.

The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper takes a refreshing approach by focusing on the lives of the women believed to be victims of the notorious killer rather than simply on their deaths. Unlike typical ripperology literature, this book barely mentions Jack the Ripper himself. Instead, it successfully brings the so-called canonical five victims to life, shedding light on who they were beyond their tragic ends. It offers a new perspective that challenges preconceived notions about these women and their places in history.

Hallie Rubenhold, author of The Covent Garden Ladies (2012) and The Harlot's Handbook (2007), showcases her mastery in The Five. She diverges from traditional Jack the Ripper narratives and focuses instead on the lives of the overlooked women. Through meticulous research, Rubenhold breathes life into their stories, exploring their relationships, livelihoods, and tragedies. This book isn't just for ripperologists; it appeals to anyone interested in British history. Offering a captivating glimpse into Victorian London's socio-economic landscape, it is a must-read for history enthusiasts and the curious alike.

Rubenhold's dedication to the five victims of Jack the Ripper is fitting, as she brings their stories to life with respect and dignity. Mary Ann Nichols, facing marital struggles, finds herself among the many homeless in Trafalgar Square. Elizabeth Stride, a Swedish immigrant, escapes a troubled past only to end up on the streets of London. Catherine Eddowes undergoes an abusive relationship. Mary Jane Kelly, once employed in a Paris brothel, seeks refuge in London. Rubenhold's portrayal of these women goes beyond their tragic ends, shedding light on the challenges they faced in life.

The Five challenges common misconceptions about the victims of Jack the Ripper, revealing a stark contrast to the sensationalized narratives often depicted in popular culture. Contrary to popular belief, only two of the five women—Elizabeth Stride and Mary Jane Kelly—were confirmed sex workers. Moreover, the ages of these women varied significantly: Mary Ann Nichols was 43, Annie Chapman 47, Elizabeth Stride between 44 and 45, Catherine Eddowes 46, and the youngest, Mary Jane Kelly, 25. Rubenhold's narrative offers a profound reexamination of these women's lives, moving beyond their tragic demise to illuminate the complexities of their individual stories. Placing each woman within the socio-economic backdrop of Victorian London, The Five provides a compelling exploration of the era's pervasive poverty and the harsh realities of daily life. Delving into the intricacies of workhouses, the narrative offers insights into the grim existence endured by those who found themselves within their confines. Additionally, it vividly depicts contrasting experiences, from the newly established Peabody Estate to the squalid brothels of the East End. Moreover, the book delves into the widespread perils of addiction, a prevalent issue among the urban poor, and the profound challenges of homelessness and familial disconnection. Through poignant storytelling, readers are transported into the harsh and unforgiving world faced by these five women.

This book is a remarkable literary work that transcends the confines of true crime literature, appealing to history enthusiasts of all levels of familiarity with the Whitechapel murders. Suitable for the teenage audience and beyond, this book offers a captivating journey into the hardships of Victorian London, making it a must-read for anyone interested in this era. What sets this book apart is its unparalleled depth of research and unique narrative approach. It stands as a singular masterpiece, offering a profound exploration of societal struggles and individual resilience. With no rivals in its genre, this book is an indispensable addition to any reader's collection. In its pages, this book unveils the forgotten snapshots of lives, preventing historical figures from being relegated to mere footnotes. Through poignant storytelling, it celebrates the endurance and resilience of its subjects, leaving an indelible impression on its readers.

Continue reading...

[gatheringbones]

best books of 2022 rec list:

fiction:

chouette by claire oshetsky

forty thousand in gehenna by cj cherryh

fierce femmes and notorious liars by kai cheng thom

sula by toni morrison

everyone in this room will someday be dead by emily r. austin

jane eyre by charlotte bronte

villette by charlotte bronte

non-fiction:

gay spirit by mark thompson

we too: stories on sex work and survival by natalie west

transgender history by susan stryker

blood marriage wine & glitter by s bear bergman

love and rage: the path to liberation through anger by lama rod owens

gay soul by mark thompson

between certain death and a possible future: queer writing on growing up in the AIDS crisis by mattilda bernstein sycamore

the man they wanted me to be: toxic masculinity and a crisis of our own making by jared yates sexton

nobody passes: rejecting the rules of gender and conformity by mattilda bernstein sycamore

cruising: an intimate history of a radical pastime by alex espinoza

gay body by mark thompson

what my bones know: a memoir of healing from complex trauma by stephanie foo

the child catchers: rescue, trafficking, and the new gospel of adoption by kathryn joyce

the opium wars: the addiction of one empire and the corruption of another by w. travis hanes III

a queer history of the united states by michael bronski

the trouble with white women by kyla schuller

what we don't talk about when we talk about fat by aubrey gordon

the feminist porn book by tristan taormino

administrations of lunacy: a story of racism and psychiatry at the midgeville asylum by mab segrest

the women's house of detention by hugh ryan

angela davis: an autobiography by angela davis

ten steps to nanette by hannah gadsby

neuroqueer heresies by nick walker

the remedy: queer and trans voices on health and healthcare by zena sharman

brilliant imperfection by eli clare

the dawn of everything: a new history of humanity by david graeber and david wengrow

tomorrow sex will be good again by katherine angel

all our trials: prisons, policing, and the feminist fight to end violence by emily l. thuma

if this is a man by primo levi

bi any other name: bisexual people speak out by lorraine hutchins

white rage: the unspoken truth of our racial divide by carol anderson

public sex: the culture of radical sex by pat califa

I'm glad my mom died by jenette mccurdy

care of: letters, connections and cures by ivan coyote

the gentrification of the mind: witness to a lost imagination by sarah schulman

skid road: on the frontier of health and homelessness in an american city, by josephine ensign

the origins of totalitarianism by hannah arendt

nice racism: how progressive white people perpetuate racial harm by robin diangelo

corrections in ink by keri blakinger

sexed up: how society sexualizes us and how we can fight back by julia serano

smash the church, smash the state! the early years of gay liberation by tommi avicolli mecca

no more police: a case for abolition by mariame kaba

until we reckon: violence, mass incarceration, and a road to repair by danielle sered

the care we dream of: liberatory & transformative justice approaches to LGBTQ+ health by zena sharman

reclaiming two-spirits: sexuality, spiritual renewal and sovereignty in native america by gregory d. smithers

the sentences that create us: crafting a writer's life in prison by Caits Messner

[thefootnotes]

hello, darlings✮ welcome back to trench. here's my current quarterly playlist. fic requests are open right now - for ships listed below. dividers by @saradika-graphics.

spotify || ao3 || pronouns page || writing masterlist

✮ you can call me ellis, ells or el. close mutuals can call me elmo. ask about other nicknames, but nine times in ten i'll adore you forever if you nickname me.

basic info ✮ he/him, trans, pansexual, ambiverted infp-t, type six, sagittarius, australian, dog person, romance reader, writing is everything to me, winter>>, glasses wearer, headphones on twenty-four/seven, cd collector, spotify premium user, aspiring author, regular oversharer, real-person-shipper and rpf author, ginger cat, ao3 addict, anti-monarchist, socialist, lacrosse player, pwhl enthusiast, seattle seahawks supporter, theatre nerd, night owl, revolutionary, linammon roll, moderator of the be my valentine challenge, high schooler, green is the best colour talk to the hand, i like weird science podcasts and emergency-drama shows, tote bag owner (to a mildly concerning degree), im an eyeliner kind of guy, i don't keep my mouth shut for anybody. free palestine!!

music ✮ one direction, conan gray, olivia rodrigo, twenty one pilots, maddie zahm, caity baser, dylan gossett, sabrina carpenter, alexander black, megan moroney, xana, kelsea ballerini, noah kahan, ed sheeran, billie eilish, five seconds of summer, cavetown, maisie peters, finneas, taylor swift, queen, hozier, girl in red, luke combs, phoebe bridgers, gracie abrams, miley cyrus, adele, sixpence none the richer, morgan wallen, birdy, renée rapp, the beatles, abba, robbie williams, ashe, blackbear, dyl dion, chappell roan, luke combs

books ✮ little women, red white and royal blue, osemanverse, jane doe and the cradle of all worlds, nevermoor, boyfriend material and husband material, afterlove, the meaning of birds, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, i kissed shara wheeler, the fault in our stars, they both die at the end, song of achilles, girl in pieces, you'd be home now, a semi-definitive list of worst nightmares

musicals ✮ come from away, hamilton, in the heights, high school musical, hsmtmts, dear evan hansen, tick tick boom, wicked, disney musicals<3, the greatest showman, the addams family musical, matilda, tina: the tina turner musical, mary poppins + returns, six, miss saigon, rocky horror, west side story, funny girl, chicago. moulin rouge

movies & tv ✮ little women (2019), barbie (2023), dunkirk, don't worry darling, my policeman, julie and the phantoms, rwrb, heartstopper, 9-1-1 (and lone star), doctor who, clouds, love simon and love victor

my characters ✮ amy march, nina rosario, henry fox-stuart, nick nelson, christopher eccleston's doctor, achilles, ezra squall, regulus black, augustus waters, john laurens, evan buckley, carlos reyes, allen from barbie.

my ships ✮ larry stylinson, firstprince, tarlos, buddie, nick&charlie, wolfstar, jegulus, amy&laurie, morrigan&cadence, hamburr, laurette, hobama<3, eddie diaz with literally anyone

goals and dreams ✮ i want to study abroad, publish my writing, adopt or foster kids, travel to every continent someday, volunteer with lgbt+ homeless/support shelters/charities, attend 5/5 1d boys' concerts, learn at least two languages

my sideblogs ✮ my poetry blog: @thelostboyschapter 1d lyric keywords: @onedirectionandblank

[juanarc-thethird]

Follow up to I accept your proposal. Blake invites Jaune to join her in meeting her parents. It is weird but he goes there expecting to just go as a friend. However Blake surprises everyone by putting on the collar and comes out to everyone that she is his pet. She goes into the gritty details about their sex life to Jaune's embarrassment. How Kali and Ghira respond to this is up to you.

I just change it a little bit, I hope you like it.

-----------------

I Accept Your Proposal! Part 2

At a small and private coffee shop.

Blake: Thanks for coming Jane. Having you here makes me feel safe.

Jaune: No problem, but why do you need me to talk to your parents. I mean, they're your parents, I don't think they're going to be mad at you for whatever you're going to tell them.

Blake: We'll see.

Ghira: *In the distance* Are you sure this is the place?

Kali: Yes I am.

Blake: *She turns around and she sees her mom and dad* Mom, Dad, we are here!

Ghira: *Happy* Blake!

Kali: *Happy* My baby!

She runs towards her and hugs her. Her father follows behind and embraces the two women in a group hug.

Ghira: We are glad to see you dear daughter.

Kali: You look so thin, are you eating well?

Blake: *Chuckles* I'm fine mom.

Ghira: *Looks at Jaune*

Jaune: *Nervous* Hi

Ghira: Is he a friend of yours?

Blake: Oh well, he's someone important. *She blushes*

Kali: Oh~ Looks like my girl is all grown up now.

Ghira: Is he your...?

Blake: Why don't we sit down and I tell you guys everything.

They each take their seats and look forward to what Blake will say.

Blake: Okay. She takes a deep breath. He is Jaune Arc and he is my…

Jaune: *Happy* (Wait?! Is she going to say what I think she's going to say?! Is she's going to introduce me as her....)

Jaune/Blake: (..boyfriend?!)/...Master!

Ghira/Jaune: WHAT?!

Kali: Oh my!~

Ghira: Is this true! Are you her Master?!

Jaune: Wait a minute! I never agree-!

Blake: Yes he is, and I have this to prove it!

Blake opens her shirt slightly revealing a collar that has a heart plate that says property of Jaune Arc.

Blake: *Proud* See! This is proof of our love!

Kali: *Awkward* Honey, I know it's none of my business, but why?

Blake: You should have seen it seen mom. The first time we did it, it was magical. He put me on a leash and handled me like his kitten. He made me lick his big dick like a popsicle, god I love that taste~ Then he put me on all fours and gave me so hard from behind that my legs were shaking after 1 orgasms. And the body odor from him, gosh~, it's so addictive. Just smelling it turns me on so much. But best of all, after he uses me as his fuck toy, he holds me in his arms, he caresses me, gives me a lot of kisses, and he whispers to me how much he loves me. For me it is like a piece of heaven on earth.

Their parents don't say anything, they are silent. On the other side, Jaune covers his face from embarrassment and fear of what has just happened and what is going to happen. Whatever it is, it can't be a good thing.

Jaune: (Somebody kill me Please!)

Blake: So, do I have your blessing to keep seeing him?

Jaune: (Are you stupid?! They would never accept something like this!)

Kali: *Happy* But how wonderful! You found a good man. Lucky you.

Jaune: (Eh?)

Ghira: I must admit that I was somewhat surprised. But you are already an adult woman, it was a matter of time for this to happen. But I am happy that he is a man like you, Jaune. Please he takes care of my daughter.

Jaune: Yeah sure... Hold on! How can you two be okay with this?!

Ghira: *Embarrassed* Oh well… Is a funny story.

Kali: *Smiles* I handle this. Well Jaune, our relationship is not much different from yours.

Jaune: Wait. You're telling me that you and your husband are…

Kali: That's right. I am his Master and he is my big fluffy cat. *Rubs his belly*

Ghira: Honey please, we are in public.

Jaune: You are the Master!... I admit, I didn't see that coming.

Kali: A lot of people do.

Blake: So, can I have your blessing?

Kali: Of course, but with one condition.

Blake: Which is...

Kali: We want grandbabies!

Ghira: Lots of them.

Jaune: Wait, we are still young. We should focus on-

Blake: *thumbs up* You got it!

Jaune: Blake!

[rockkal]

HOMESTUCK BEYOND CANON NEXT UPD8(s) PREDICTIONS (I'm delusional, btw) /SHITPOST

We get to see Jack Noir be a pathetic little meow meow and has depression because he's too busy working at the mine coal to see his wife

The Felt come into the screen, also somehow snowman, and they all say "We voted for Obama" (this is very important homestuck lore, btw)

Brand new character called HEROIN ADDICT is introduced. Son of Karkat and Dave. Has a brother named John Egbert Strider Vantas

Clover flirts with Jane and gets sent to the weed dungeon. And not like the good weed. I mean like the weed that really feels like shit

Jake becomes new leader of the Felt and Crowbar becomes his dad (Crowbar dad AU, write that down, it'll be on the test)

We get to see Death, the character, talk with ULT Dirk and he brang along the Midnight Crew, Mom Lalonde B1 and Dad egbert because he thinks they're cool (also, Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert kiss a lot in death's office and have tea and buscuits with the Midnight Crew)

CALIBORN COMES FOR A SINGLE PANEL AND MAKES JUNE OFFICIALLY TRANS! BECAUSE HE HATES JUNE AND HE HATES WOMEN SO HE COMBINES THE TWO THINGS HE HATES INTO ONE (this is a joke, btw. I honestly want June's transitioning to be more in character then just the gremlin guy I like does it for me)

Ms Paint. becomes narrator of both Candy and Meat and it's just a podcast about different types of paint

Something related to The Midnight Crew's creator, Professor Mayasaka or however the fuck ya spell it, something translated into midnight. Whatever. I just wanna see the professor man come in and do something

JANE REVIVES AIMLESS RENEGADE SOMEHOW AND HE GOES GOD TIER! (His Classpect is Mage of Blood because I say so)

Sollux and Eridan kissing

B

Roxy breaks the fourth wall and says "it's Roxy Lalonding time" and Roxy Lalondes all over the place

A bucket appears and yeah

We see Andrew Hussie in a bath robe

Terezi manages to give back the legal rights to Beyond Canon back to their creators (sorry, I forgot your name, mister cool homestuck guy. I forget easily :'(]

Vriska dies. (I hate Vriska! (In a Kismesis way))

Equius comes back to say "I require horse" and then he gets prototyped with the universe frog

Matchsticks gets a personality and we learn he wants to become an actual fire fighter and save people since he was a kid

Stitch becomes hella cool by partnering with Kanaya to beat the shit out of Dirk

Rose just stays Rose because I forgot she existed

21 again but with Dave

June Egbert gets two new dads and they're Eggs and Biscuits from The Felt because it reminds her of her dead dad's cakes

Diamonds Droogs/Draconian Dignitary x Dad Crocker 20 hour oiled up make out session flash animation

Calliope has a child with Roxy. (comment what ya think they would be called)

Dirk eats a baby (it's John Egbert Strider Vantas)

AR gets to have a robo body and becomes friends with AR and Aradia and also Aranea is there to keep them in check and they call eachother the "AR squad", but Aranea is the out cast because she is blue

Eden Gardner (homestuck OC of @springselkie) gets a mention.

Monkeys become relevant to the plot

Jack Noir gets to show us his stabs

Bold Eagles are Aimless Renegade's second power, because he's the only AMERUCAN character in homestuck

Jake gets a beard and celebrates by showing us his level 100 GYAT

What Pumpkin office remains is an important location in the story

Mommy Condie comes back and marries Earth C's version of Colonel sassacres

Freddy Fazber, new character, literally the best. Hor hor hor hor.

Something related to drugs, I guess (I'm running out of ideas)

Fortnite becomes canon and everyone loves it

Deltarune reference

Jack Noir eats money and becomes lamborghini

Jack Noir villain arc where he and June kiss (their kismesis, it's ok. They want to kill eachother)

Rose's wifi is STILL shitty! COME ON, IT'S BEEN 10 YEARS, FIX YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION, GURL!

Kanaya gets to make something Lord English related

We see Doc Scratch because he's awesome

Wayward Vagabond comes back from the grave and does ANOTHER revolution against monerchy. He is truly the best diplomat.

MLP gets mentioned

Problem Sleuth shows up for 5 panels and then dies

Nepeta gets to kill Pickle Inspector

Eridan smokes weed

[S] Terezi: Do the mackarena

Weed chapter

Karkat gets a period cramp

Something something Lord English in black void, becomes normal Caliborn, being room mates with Equius, Gamzee and AR (auto-responder)

Free Bird fight sequence

Joe Biden gets a mention because he was probably in office before the clown fuckers took over D.C. Washington

Cockaine chapter

MSPA reader gets hella blazed and yeah

Caliborn kisses a rule 63 version of a Miku body pillow

Pic Yaoi sequence or smth

Sawbuck stays a fat fuck and eats the earth at the end

Itchy dies from tripping on a rock

Doze unslows himself and does a break dance

Trace and Fin make out session

Quarters gets to shoot ULT Dirk and is declared a war veteran

Bog from RHG shows up to eat a chocolate bar

I'm high

Ok, that was the end of this dumb shitpost. Hope ya got a kick out of it. Or not.

Wait

Shit

I should probably add an image so that I could look cool

Give me a sec

Yes, God of Yaoi.

Perfect for this.

See ya

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

The 1950s

1950s were a big turnover like many other decades before and after and continue to be so. Such as one is over the top., gracious big bold, logos, intensity, blunt, colourful, and brassy almost, when you think of this most of us of our generation would think of the 2000s and the 210s and the shift of the two this 10 period cycle, well actually it’s a 20 year cycle if you really think about it coming in and out of fashion maybe 15 at the most, so you’ve got the 1940s where the war is still going up until 45 where is the, black-and-white even in the movie signals this?, we were invented somehow that had the money to, people like Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman and Robert Redford.

Hollywood and these times does this to these women? It mainly does it to the women it torment them torches them it will give them somebody who is their double., they understudy but tell them how amazing that other person is and that they wouldn’t reject these kind of office so why are you when they are deep into their career and they have given us everything of themselves? They are about down to bound to be a tad bit angry and the funny, narcissism does this to us? It thinks oh it won’t be me. I’ll never feel that way about somebody before me such as Marilyn Monroe probably never thinking she would feel like Joanne Crawford did about her who were up and coming., as a woman, you must be dignified but not too dignified to the point of you coming across arrogant, you must be flirty but never a slut, you must have virgin like quality but don’t be too virginal, age gracefully but don’t be ugly, why don’t you lose a few pounds but don’t get too skinny.

All these things are absolute recipe for disaster, and monsters the real monsters of the people behind these acts of making people feel this way the talent agents the executives, the managers the people who these companies the nepotism, allot it .

The difference in these decades like the 80s and the 90s grunge versus hair metal heroine versus cocaine, two different kinds of things in all of these things I’ve listed above so what are we due for next to me?, the 210s were rather over the top but also subtle so when it comes to our next decade that’s coming up with making it subtle bit again, so these women are men the men had it in the way the homosexual ones anyway they weren’t allowed to be open with their sex, point where they would make these men marry women while they had a life on the side which couldn’t be publicised which couldn’t be shown, I even said to my boyfriend if we break up, I want to marry a gay man, the way gay men treat women, and I hate to make sweeping statements and I seem to a lot. I seem to write like that energies sometimes.

But I love the beauty of sees a woman and her straight man never could. , this decade of the 50s bought us the Marilyn Monroe of her absolute peak, her beautiful presence versatile and face, even though she was even one he got bullied by Louis Mayer, the company, to the point I think he even called her his little chinless wonder, bullying tactics, it worked in the 2000s with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, where do they stay? These women go back, they’ve made up a bit now because they’re both mothers, I dread to imagine what kind of mother might be with her addiction issues sorry I’m an addict myself and it worries mate maybe it was a blessing, disguise have children?, like not to be able to have children it’s horrible. Your life ends up becoming an addiction disaster if you’re not stable enough.m and men who don’t treat you right, children are a blessing and if you have them count yourself lucky every day, do I think abortions bad, I don’t if you’re not in the right place to have a child then you shouldn’t.

This is comparing all the decades having very similar ways and if you look at it, you’ll see,. one thing I didn’t like was Jane Mansfield think the woman had much class, especially when it came to Monroe she played into the image of being exactly like her, to me it’s a shame they didn’t play into her being probably mixed cause I think she is. and by no means do I mean blackface but make them more darker? Dark hair? Lipstick et cetera, but they had to do a copy of, king size Monroe call her, and she was she lived, Monroe hated it and if you can see some of these pictures she copied it, was is Mansfield love being Monroe as Monro didn’t.