#ive decided to be completely unhinged on main

[amielot]

✨Last Line Tag Game!✨

@linddzz and @tharkuun tagged me! Thank yah!!!!!!

Heres a horse girl preview :)

in addition, I went unhinged on the sadman discord server and drew Cow Hob and Cat Dream inspired by Gabe’s cat/cow fic. i think on like feb 13th or something.

So uh.... Y’all want a nsfw cat/cow post?

tagging hmmm @pellaaearien @delta-pavonis @landwriter @five-and-dimes @chaosheadspace @lutheban @teejaystumbles and literally anyone else! go for it!

[allieebobo]

ive been wanting to create a sports if for a while, do you have any tips? i loved the update btw, it was so good!

Aww thank you :)) I'm very honored that you enjoyed the update, and that you might want my possibly unhinged advice! hahaha.

My first reaction to this is YAY!!! I'm always a big sucker for sports IFs (sports anything, really), so I can't wait for you to write it! :D More thoughts under the cut.

First off, a lot of people say they see so few sports IFs cause sports IFs are hard to write. I actually don't think this is true! Like any other IF genre, writing a sports IF boils down to making sure your MC has something they want, and making readers invested in that. Besides, sports IFs already have built-in drama/action, and another advantage is that the stats obviously really matter—see below on game mechanics—hence, readers usually naturally feel that they have 'agency' when they play.

I guess the biggest difference between sports IFs and other genres is that figuring out the stat checks and basic mechanics of the sport matters quite a bit. My advice is to think of 5-6 stats that govern how the game is played, then figure out how you want to test for it. Is it a simple stat > number test? Or are there two stats that are tested? Does condition factor in? Injury probabilities? It could be as simple or complicated as you want, but it should be consistent. Ish.

Next, decide how much you want the IF to focus on the actual sports matches, and how much you want it to focus on other bits—time spent with coaches/teammates, or daily life, giving press interviews etc. This also affects how "game-like" vs. "story/book-like" your IF ends up being. For CT:OS, I try to strike a balance, but this is completely up to you!

Finally, I truly believe that the characters are central. They provide the emotional grounding of any story and flesh out the world. Slammed does a great job in making sure that you care about the characters, and I think that's one of the main reasons why it doesn't feel like gratuitous wrestling for the sake of... wrestling? For sports IFs, there are already a bunch of potential characters that have their own reasons to exist—coaches, rivals, teammates, journalists, agents, etc. and I think it's key that these characters have their own lives/arcs/desires. It always makes the story more interesting, and stops them from becoming caricatures/two-dimensional.

Some things I haven't yet figured out, and you can take a stab at answering for me (or that we can suffer through together: One big pitfall/difficulty that I've noticed is making the matches/games matter, and feel distinct from one another (I'm working on this too!) Another thing is marketing—I'm pretty sure that lots of people look at sports IFs and run the opposite direction, but I haven't yet figured out a way to court those potential readers yet :) Your guess is as good as mine!

[theraccoon]

hi i'm finn!

about me: i am a lesbian, 19 yrs old, brazilian, and autistic. i fit almost every stereotype of the average tumblr teen so expect cringe

i am probably gonna take a while to reply to any asks/replies/dms, if i dont completely forget to. my bad

pro women and lesbians/bisexuals always. gender critical, but generally accepting of trans people. will block you if youre a conservative/tradfem/whatever, if youre overly transphobic for no reason (eg calling people tr***y), or if youre annoying and i dont like you

opinions are what you expect based on all that, anti porn, anti capitalist, you get it

my main is @haemosexuality ! where you can find an unhinged amount of fandom posts and me using tumblr like its my diary

ive been in and around radblr for years, and decided to finally make a blog about feminism (and other political issues). i agree with the ideas and goals of radical feminism, tho i dont consider myself a radical feminist. primarily because i dont do any activism, at all, but also because radical feminism isnt an identity

thats all i think. 💕

[heckolve]

the atla ending was so fucking good 😢😢 

[kal-el-zone]

i was thinking abt like. twisted versions of the obey me boys. ok ive always thought abt but this is the first time i wrote it down!.

careful cause theres lotsa body horror(gore too maybe? it’s only in writing but still be wary, im describing it n such) it’s pretty much the main focus of it

happy devil day sorry im making them evil and fucked up,

asmodeus

•having a void for a face, visually representing him consumed by vanity

•i do think asmo would be like that one monster in sweet home

“constantly seeks attention and in particular, compliments of its appearance. whenever it runs into a human, it will ask if the human thinks it looks good. If it is praised, it leaves the human alone and walks away, but due to its vanity will ask the human again a few seconds later. If it receives a negative answer, it turns hostile and attempts to kill the human”

•heart exposed, still beating, tangled in rose thorns

mammon (give me yellow fuck u tumblr)

•would have his hands cut off.. yanno. he would really look kinda like lost silver, what with the no hands and feet

•because he’s the fastest demon, and he’s greedy! always ready to steal. so he has to pay eventually

•eyes r completely gold. gold tears too. we stan an aesthetically pleasing king. channeling midas rn

•and he also has rows and rows of All Gold Teeth. he opens his mouth wide enough and he’ll look like pennywise with the deadlights. or a shark

leviathan

•muddled green! with envy. do you get it. yeah i like making funny jokes too,

•waterlogged too most likely. he is like a sea serpent after all

•seaweed stuck in his horns

•fishbone tail !!

•ripped up fins, scarred gills, scales even. i care abt levi but he really is just evil fush

lucifer

•hunched over with his hands over his face most of the time because if he tries to speak or open his eyes poison spills and it burns him and it leaves him in horrible, horrible pain

•cant decide if his wings would be broken/bent backwards or just straight up clipped so. flip a coin lmao

•he has eyes other places though!

•he’s got peacock feathers in his demon form outfit after all. be not afraid n allat

beelzebub

•mouth is sewn shut. no more hungy 🧡

•ok it’s sewn shut, but if it tears open for whatever reason, his jaw unhinges, and he’s got piranha lookin teeth so.. maybe just stay put homie

•hmmm.. beel’s wings are torn up. like a fly thats been swatted around for too long and it just refuses to die

•and his stomach would be split open like u were dissecting a frog or smthn..

belphegor

•his eyes are sewn shut. so beel is his eyes and he is beel’s mouth. we love a twin bond right fellas

•belphegor’s big fuckin cow tail is cut, what’s left is still barbed though

•he still carries his pillow around its just covered in blood

•(broken glass mixed in the pillow case cotton? nails? somethin Not Soft)

satan

•he’s holding his face like lucifer, but not due to poison. it’s because *he* has to scream out all of lucifer’s pain. so he is constantly trying to keep his mouth shut its so loud it hurts it hurts his ears and they have to share it

•like his demon form’s outfit, his *actual* ribcage is exposed ! so that’s fun

•i cant think too far into what the others would look like, but i think diavolo would definitely have horns growing out and *through* his throat

•gold chains wrapped around his wrists and ankles, you know how it goes

[nicadilly]

CALLED IT, katie the art thief strikes back

If you want to help in any way, feel free. She really is determined to die on this hill.

(also lurking in my stories still)

Im going to review what she has done so far:

Reposted the plagiarized picture without credit, even after knowing well who the author is/that i do not approve of it. She basically spammed it everyday for several weeks, over the span of many months (May 2021/February 2022).

created several alternate accounts to keep uploading the picture.

after being banned by Insta and managing to get her account back, she learned nothing and continued the reupload spree UNTIL SHE GOT HER MAIN ACCOUNT TERMINATED FOR GOOD (kokoz13_kol).

Continued this behaviour on her second account (uzhasnaya_len) until it also got terminated.

Attempted to blackmail me by stating "She will continue uploading the picture if i speak out about her plagiarism".

Created three other accounts, followed every single person i follow on my instagram (how psychotic is that?) and continued uploading the ripped off picture.

Created an account to impersonate me, using my old internet handle and real name (while Ukraine was under attack by Russia. It is unimaginable to me, how someone who is living in a country that just opened war, and is under a threat of nuclear warfare and unimaginable consequences themself pull this stupid sh*t online)

The entire situation started May/June 2021. She came to my insta page herself in November 2021 and announced that she's the one who plagiarised me, completely ignored people who tried to explain why what shes doing is messed up, and basically was just being an obnoxious smartass (and being hilariously wrong at the same time).

Soon after that her account got banned temporarily; imagine having your account closed, managing to get it back and instead of realizing that "Hey, im cutting it close, maybe this isnt worth it" deciding to continue breaking ToS, and uploading plagiarism UNTIL BEING TERMINATED FOR GOOD. It's peak stupidity and hubris. Im a 90's kid, ive been on the internet for a while, but i have never, ever personally encountered such an unhinged person. Kate is the definition of entitled & spoiled. The fact she ever thought she deserved dialogue or niceties after everything she has done is proof of that. The impersonation and mass-following the exact same people i follow is just baffling. Not sure if she was trying to play some kind of a role, she just came off as obsessive (she may have some kind of untreated psychological/behavioral issue, discounting narcissism).

The fact she has her full name out there in public, while acting like this is honestly the most embarassing part. Im glad internet is forever in moments like these, good job putting a stain on your name Katie!

[nny11writes]

Okay, so about that Super Gal Pal Trio fic.

Best fic name ever

Is this one of the infamous Lost Super Poly Trio/Catrapta Fics we were talking about a couple months ago?

WE DIDNT GET TO SEE THE OTHER TWO FIRST KISSES >:((( we saw them mildly thirsting over scorpia but we were promised two more first kisses and the author left it u_u

i was really surprised by how this was made after season 1 yet the author seemed to be hitting story beats from season 4, in particular Catra's nightmares and guilt, her feelings over Adora, Entrapta, and Shadow Weaver blurring together, much like they did in the show.

rest under a read more. do these work in asks??????

The chapter of Scorpia ripping open the vent to talk to Entrapta, and then trying to carry her to her bed and accidentally ripping apart the bedding, well, I think this fic has one of the best and funniest Scorpia characterisations I've ever seen, especially impressive with how little we knew about her, or her relationship to Catra and Entrapta, after season 1. Definitely one of the more brazenly confident Scorpias. Refreshing.

I am always impressed by when stories write a closer Catra and Entrapta dynamic and, in a way that seems almost more inevitable than Catradora, probably cos these two in particularly are so... troubled????, they ALWAYS get too close and hurt each other. Catra has a tendency to lash out when she feels vulnerable, and Entrapta takes every social fallout as her own failure, because she has always been told as such and doesn't have enough experience to understand when other people are not treating her properly. There's a bit where Catra's inner Shadow Weaver tells her she's "dug her claws deep" in Entrapta and engineered this almost abusive dependency, and Catra feels so shit because this is, well, true to the scenes in that fic. But Catra is also growing attached and really does care about them, and she's fighting her inner battles and getting more nightmares because of all these feelings mashing together

Catra as a result decides if shes going to be a toxic girlfriend she will at least make some effort to make the others happy together and actively starts pairing Scortrapta, which is the most hilarious outcome possible. Catra pointing to her girlfriends happily cuddling: "Look what ive done!!! Those two have an ACTUALLY healthy relationship!!! Youre welcome!!!"

But basically the catrapta dynamic showing how easy it is to simultaneously depend on another person, and be hurt by them, i see that in a lot of stories and I think the learning curve for them is figuring out how to set healthy boundaries and stop that cycle, which is something that the SPT in general struggle with.

Entrapta going full crisis mode because her feelings for Catra have just completely distracted her from her science fixation is so funny, it's almost Hordak levels of overreacting and the way she tries to figure out WHY she feels that way and even sets fire to some things to "purge" the feelings and talks in a recorder for 30 minutes nearly blacking out from lack of oxygen, it is so unhinged. As is the scene afterwards where they. um. break the cafeteria.

10/10 lonnie catra fight scene

YES THIS IS THE MAIN ONE THAT I COULDN’T FIND AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER THAT YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

It allows me to re-read it for at least the fourth time :)

I know! Gosh, this is the fic, this is honestly my “if there was one fic you could magically have updates for again, what would it be?” It would be this fantastic one right here. Characterization is so well done in it, and the character beats are good. There’s light hearted moments to balance out darker moments and I just love it to bits and pieces. And you’re totally right, it picked up on a lot of groundwork that was put down in Season 1 alone and that’s a huge part of what makes it a stand out from a lot of other fics that came out around that time too.

I love brazen Scorpia, she makes so much sense for this point in the show. I think she doesn’t get too nervous or second guessing that much until later on. At first she is just a one train running kind of person, if she wants to get to her friend in the vents and can’t fit well the vents will bend under her big meaty claws instead!

And I really like that initial bit of conflict in this fic, where Catra is just in a bad spot already to hear Lonnie being a jerk like that, but then Entrapta just enthusiastically steps into a hidden trip wire for Catra. So the lash out is Big and Bad, and of course Entrapta doesn’t get why. And just one chapter later we see Scorpia literally using her positivity as a blunt instrument the way Entrapta did the previous one, but just with much different results because of who, how, and why. And that damn nightmare sequence with all the mixed up emotions followed by Catra kinda faking her own version of comfort 100% based on Adora and AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I had totally forgotten about the Lonnie and Catra fight, agree 10 outta 10. :p

It’s just a smart fic, and a fun fic with a lot of hurt/comfort and I think it was one of the first I read where Catra started to realize some emotional touchy feely shit in a way that felt realistic. I don’t know how to end this except saying that everyone who likes super poly trio and especially catrapta since that’s the only one of the pairings that actually had screen time, should go read Super Gal Pal Trio on Ao3!

[lightsinthedistancee]

CONGRATULATIONS, IMA! A well-deserved milestone!

Could I please request angst prompt 26. “don’t shut me out.” for our favorite hot space droid dad, Poe? I can’t wait to see what you come up with!

Congrats again!! 💕💕

-@tlcwrites from my main blog (Tumblr, please get on letting us send asks from side blogs!)

Thank you, @tlcwrites! I was so hoping someone would choose this prompt! This one came to me and really spoke to me, and I really enjoyed writing it, so hope you enjoy!

“Don’t shut me out.” + Poe Dameron x Reader

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

Disintegrate

Words: 1k

Summary: “Poe draws in a violent breath of air, hands grabbing his own curls, gripping, pulling, till the pain serves as an existing, yet still insufficient, distraction to his agony.

“He decides a single thing—he has to do better.”

In the aftermath of a failed mission, Poe confronts the unbearable guilt of death under his command.

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

A gambler, a savior, and a mother.

Three pilots. Three people. Gone.

The air is warm, stagnant, a bit suffocating in nature as Poe sits in his room. His head is buried in his hands as he rubs his face, hard enough to hurt whenever the heels of his palms slide over his eyes.

There’s something especially devastating about hearing death over comms. Watching a ship obliterated, pilot and all, and then waiting that dreaded half a second to hear the scream, the cry, the bang in his earpiece.

It’s even more devastating to undergo such a process three times in the midst of a plan of attack he himself had developed.

The first pilot: a young man from Corellia with a penchant and true talent for a good gamble whenever the squadron happened to be on a casino planet. The kind who could calculate every potential move and fill up an entire room with life.

The second: a young one not yet twenty. One that Poe had shared many conversations with, one he’d developed a protectiveness over, one who’d saved the squadron countless times with an intuition Poe could never even dream of possessing.

The third: a woman with a daughter back on Yavin IV, barely a twenty-minute fly from Poe’s childhood home. A daughter that he’d met once, who’d asked him in the pure innocence of a five-year old to ‘keep her mama safe.’

Poe draws in a violent breath of air, hands grabbing his own curls, gripping, pulling, till the pain serves as an existing, yet still insufficient, distraction to his agony.

He decides a single thing—he has to do better.

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

Three pilots is too many for one simple mission, Poe decides. More than one means that one is beyond fate, beyond chance. More than one means that there’s a flaw.

And the desire to find that flaw is Poe’s new obsession. He throws himself into his work, he hides himself from everyone, he recoils from you.

At each of your attempts to console him, he hates himself even more, he hates you even more. He hates the lies that you spew from your lips when you tell him it’s not his fault, he hates when you call them his friends because, yes, they were, but they were more too. They were under his command.

They were his to protect.

And he’d failed.

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

Disintegration.

It’s the first word that comes to your mind when you see what Poe is becoming.

He’s…unhinged, unstable. He doesn’t sleep well. He eats at the oddest hours. He allows work to consume him.

The next mission plan he develops is the new focus of his life. He works late nights on it, sometimes well into the morning, sitting at the desk in your shared quarters, leg bouncing incessantly, non-stop in his hyper-focus.

“Poe,” you say softly one night, approaching him from behind, resting your arms on his shoulders.

He hums quietly, mostly oblivious to your presence, leg still bouncing away.

“It’s late,” you continue. The papers and holopad in front of him are stained with diagrams and notes of an evidently completed and checked-over plan. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to find it,” he mumbles, not even sparing you a glance.

“Find what?”

“The flaw.”

You sigh, eyes slowly shutting. His muscles beneath you are tired. They shift with his movements, wearily helping his body move as you silently stare at the wall.

“This can’t go on forever, love,” you tell him, feeling for the side of his face, touching it gently. “You’re hurting yourself.”

He sighs, rubbing his face tiredly, briefly covering the bags under his eyes.

“It’s not your fault—“

“It is my fault!,” he says loudly, making you jump slightly, his body jerking out of its defeated, slumped-over posture. “Stop fucking saying it’s not.”

You fall silent, grappling with the divided air between the two of you. Without a thought, you drop to your knees before him, gently grasping his hand. “Why do you think it is?” you whisper.

“Because my plan was flawed. I thought we went over this already.”

You merely stare at him in continuing silence. He stares back, unsure of you, of what’s happening, of everything. “No,” you simply state. “Tell me why you think it’s your fault.”

“What?” He looks at you exasperated, for he’s just told you.

“Don’t shut me out, Poe.” You press a kiss to the back of his hand. “Tell me more.”

He blinks, pausing before pulling you up. In such a circumstance, he hates seeing you on your knees before him, as if you’re begging. Perhaps you are. Now you’re asking for something deeper.

As you gently grasp his chin and press a soft kiss to his lips, he melts into you.

Every kiss since the incident had felt like a pity, like a cheap attempt to make him feel better. Every touch had been laced with animosity, for his stress had inevitably sparked your own.

But this one is just you. No other feelings or sensations defiled by a subtle hatred or a brewing conflict. Just your lips, just your fingers.

And he tells.

He tells of a life filled with a nagging need to feel responsible for everyone. A life filled with a horrible anxiety about unintentionally hurting others.

He tells of his parents who’d always presented themselves as expectations of what he had to be just by simply existing.

He tells of the pain he’s seen on the battlefield, of how all of it had built up an insurmountable paranoia of himself being the potential cause of such a thing one day.

And all that fear, all that anxiety had burned brighter and brighter, leading to now, where he’s finally snapped, sitting on the bed with your arms wrapped around him, his face hidden in your hair.

He can feel himself trembling, for he knows that it’s all out there now—his pain, his weakness, his vulnerabilities—and that it can’t be taken back. That it’s become a spot rife with potential for conflict and insecurity.

Yet you still hold him tight, doing your best to soothe his trembles, to make him feel secure in your presence once again. “I’ve got you, love,” you whisper.

..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..

A/N: There’s like a 90% chance I’ll reformat this into actual fic form as a separate post because I really like it, so if anyone sees this again tomorrow, don’t mind me!

Taglist (for everything): @dark-academics-and-florals @princessxkenobi @theultimateslashgirl @djjarins @jitterbugs927

Taglist (for Poe): @synical-paradox @paper-n-ashes @spider-starry

(Btw, to anyone on my taglist, for the 100 follower prompts, I’ll probably only tag you all on the longer ones or the shorter ones I really, really like. Probably gonna be a lot coming out soon; don’t want to bother y’all 🙂)

Anyone who wants to be added to my taglist, just let me know!

[catboyroycebracket]

royce bracket ............ i wanna type up a bunch of royce and red parallels/opposites ive noticed and talked about w friends. im going to type up a bunch of other things too tho i like going off on tangents!!!!

royce and red are both disillusioned with the utopian cloudbank and what it has to offer. theyve both reached the peak of their careers and both want a change of scenery (red’s “think ill go where it suits me, moving out to the country” and royces Actual Moving Out to the strange outskirts of town, fairview). (reds music and concerts have been popular for Years Straight. royce might actually be past the height of his career? either way.) theyre both Very Wary of the city itself and they both value privacy immensely: they both did not cite why they chose their selections. i believe theyre the only characters mentioned in game to have declined giving their reasoning.

royce is calm always. red is Very Angry about her current circumstance, and seems to Usually be of that nature (according to her husband.)

royce is very argumentative, and believes his views to be superior (seen best in his camerata memos). similarly, red is always the one to decide whats best for herself, though she isnt as unhinged (for lack of better word) as royce. i wouldnt quite call royce unhinged in general? he is obsessive and thorough and has a strange moral code but absolutely doesnt fall into the evil scientist cookie cut. i think his character’s emphasis on his loneliness (or lack of loneliness in his absurdly lonely situation) makes his bizarre morals more like..... offhand. like hes so so so into his work that thats secondary, and doesnt matter at the moment.

royce is a recluse. he moved to live in an unfinished, experimental part of the town that appears to not have any other inhabitants. mentions that the commute to where he lives is “less fortunate” for grant. red is the opposite, she lives in the very heart of the town, the most popular residential district.

royce’s family name appears to hold a Lot of power in the city; the admin office is set up as part of bracket towers. all votes are tallied there. the towers themselves are noted to be Very Very old, its unlikely they were named for royce specifically. royce and red are Both very well known, but for different reasons: royce for some unexplored family connection, and red for her work. red is beloved by the citizens. royce is somewhat unknown by them. royce being born into an influential family then finding his meticulously crafted work to be unnoticed would definitely add a layer of explanation to why he just Up And Left When He Became Obsessed With The Transistor.

they both love the city very very very much. royce loves its inner workings and the way its made. he loves the city more than he loves its people (though he does love a select few people): he seems Completely Fine with existing in an emptied town. he only appears to be upset over his friends’ deaths and not anybody elses. he does not care at all about reds death if he wins. red loves the people of the city more than she loves the city itself. shes Absolutely terrified of everyone being gone in her text responses, and when it comes down to it, does not want to live alone in the city.

royce also seems somewhat fine with mass surveillance according to his snapshot memo?? versus red in she shines makes a Very clear statement about how strange it is she (the city) is always watching (“she will keep us in her sights / we never mind her diligence, watching us all lie awake”)

lucie sent this yesterday which blew my mind:

in the function files, “retirement” is always the cameratas coverup for their assassinations. disappearances are always equated with retirement. im Certain retirement is just death. 40+ appears to be considered “retirement age” too, and royce is almost in his 40s. grant is mentioned as being unusually old despite being only middle aged. i think royce the Tired engineer who doesnt let himself get attached to his work was absolutely considered like. on his way to retirement. where death is something you choose for yourself when you consider your work done, in a town where you have immense control over What your work is, but no control over the work itselfs impact or importance... i think instead of engaging with that in any capacity he instead took to obsessively studying the transistor instead, though. he wanted more control!! he wanted permanence and a more rigid form of change!! he wanted to love his work.

in the “every main character in transistor loses their biggest love” train of thought (with red losing her husband, mansistor losing his wife, sybil losing her chance at love, grant losing the city he loved, his lifes work, and asher losing his husband) royce’s biggest love is the transistor itself, as well as what it symbolizes. its a Priceless allpowerful all knowing key to the city, of Course the obsessive engineer would want to study it and mess around with it. the transistor symbolizes a unique power hes always wanted; a promise that the changes made with it could be more permanent.

royce and reds relationship with death is also insanely interesting. red has nothing to live for if her beloved city and husband are gone. some of her lyrics contain a longing for the country and other such themes, “if i should choose to rise im still descending” comes to mind. royce says he “always wanted to know what its like in there, so either way... i win” .. he appears to have no issue with being integrated. HOWEVER that line is said in his like second or third phase, when you hit his last phase he appears Much more desperate and against the idea of being integrated: he calls upon his friends’ names, repeats a phrase over and over to calm himself, and ultimately despairs when defeated. his death animation is extremely interesting: he never stops reaching for his transistor even after it completely fizzles away.

he also calls cloudbank HIS town:

this guy loves things with a burning passion and im just. i think hes interesting. red and royce Both love things extremely passionately, pouring themselves into their work. of Course the games final conflict is city-as-a-constructed-monolith lover versus city-as-a-place-for-people lover

[mairzymarzipan]

Night of the Full Moon Character Reviews: The Big Bosses(Minus Werewolf)

Hello again

I know I said I’d be talking about the Hunter, Old Mage, Fallen Priest and so on today, but I realized that those characters were actually more interesting in the context of other characters, so I put them off for later.  I decided instead to talk about the main bosses of the game, as it so happens, are the closest people to Red Riding Hood.  Because this game wants to be an ironicy soap opera/anime that way.

When I say Big Bosses, I mean that you always fight one of these characters at the end of the game.  Unless you’re like me and you start all over at the end because you’re bored and tired of all four of them playwise.

Werewolf

Wait, no, never mind.  This is another one of those characters who’s more interesting in the context of different, non-Red Riding Hood Characters.  We’re saving this boi for later.  But, you shouldn’t too surprised, if you read the title.  Instead, I’ll just use this space to talk about a mechanic.

Throughout the game, you can get ‘courage’ and ‘reputation’ points by talking to characters.  Very very generally speaking, you get courage points by doing brave things, and you get reputation points for doing nice things.  You also can get courage points when a character talks shit about the werewolf, and reputation points when a character talks shit about the witch.  So naturally, if you have more courage in the end, you get to fight the wolf, and if you have more reputation, you get to fight the witch.  I guess what they’re going for is only a meanie would fight this doggo?  And the witch is who any empathetic person would hate???

I feel like the latter is not the case, but more on that later.

Witch

“Only your Hope family can lift the dark magic curse.  This is what the priest is most afraid of.  That’s why monsters run wild on full moon nights. First they made your grandmother disappear and then they drew you into the forest...but they never anticipated that you would make it this far.”

By the way, you’re part of a prophecy.  Only someone in your family can lift the curse on the forest.  jsyk

Yeah so, as you see, the Witch’s description does not really tell us much about the witch herself.  This description also pretty unique in that none of the other character descriptions go into the second person like this.  The description also kind of hints that Red dies in the timeline where she fights the witch, so that’s depressing.

Nah, to figure out what the witch is about, you have to delve into the fragments around her. 

So, you actually do encounter the witch earlier in the game.  In the third or sometimes second chapter, she will recruit to find some magic apples she lost.  She makes a mention about suspecting a queen of stealing them.  The apples, I guess, are just lying around on the forest floor, and you bite into each of them bc you’re a dumb lkid.  Each apple changes your stats by a few points and the witch does not at all seem upset that you hand her a bunch of bitten fruit at the end.  In fact, she offers you the choice of two random buffs, so that’s fun.

You’re likely to hear about her way before that, though, depending on who you talk to.  Generally anyone who’s been cursed feels like it’s the witch’s fault.  

But if you choose to fight her(or you might not get a choice in the matter) she accuses you of stealing said apples.  She’ll also talk to you throughout the battle until you defeat her- a trait that only the big bosses and a few of the newer ones have.  Her lines...make her sound pretty unhinged.  She’s speaks of disbelief that you would do such a horrible thing, and threatens you with with her magic, and talks about how misunderstood she is.

When you defeat her, she’s got a really interesting line, tho.

“No!  I don’t want to fight you!  I can’t!”

Huh.

Before I move on, let me talk about this other witch character.

Yep.  That sure is the art style this game is going with.

So this is one of the shopkeepers.  There are four different shops you can find along the way, only two of which have characters you can see in them.  This character is known as the Witch Apothecary...but you can only see that on the outside of her store.  Otherwise she’s just called “Witch”.

The thing is, along the way, characters will talk about the Witch and, they don’t specify that it’s not the one with the white hair.  They just talk about The Witch like she’s the only witch that matters.  So is this woman not really a witch?  A witch wannabe?  Nah, we already have one of those characters.  Could it me that the shopkeepers don’t actually exist in the story of the game?  That would bum me out, bc there’s this lesbian owl I want to be real.

But...I think they’re the same person using shapeshifting.  Or if you want a really wild theory, maybe there are time travel hijinks and she’s the Magic Apprentice grown up.  But I’m going to go ahead with the former.

Anyhoo.  I like the witch.  I’m gonna give her 🍎🍎🍎🍎 four apples

Priest

“They mistakenly thought that on the full moon night they could help the monsters quietly eliminate Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother.  Once the Hope family was wiped out, the legend of lifting the curse on the Dark Forest would disappear completely.  However, they didn’t expect they would have to go personally and pay such a high price to fight their enemy. When the priest fell, the cursed monsters reverted to their human forms and the Dark Forest was no longer covered by snow all year round, but the church’s blind greed still remains.”

Again, not much is said about the priest himself.  The most interesting thing here is that he apparently is the keystone holding the curse together.  Interesting, because he seems to be letting the witch do all the work for him.  Usually in these stories, you have to kill the person who casts the spell to break the spell, not just their friend.  Is it because he, himself, is a stone?  That is to say, he turns into a statue sometimes.

Why the heck is he having her turn all his enemies into cartoon monsters instead of killing them, anyway?  Don’t tell it’s to make the game family friendly, bc in one of these timelines a child kills another child.  

Honestly, the priest/church just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.  His big plan is selling everybody from his town as slaves.  Gross.  And the way he accomplishes this is by...making it snow all the time, and turning people into vampires and fire bears?  What?

He is.  A delight to fight.  I’m being sarcastic.  He’s a religious edgelord who likes to go on about how humans are sinners and everyone deserves to be punished.  Also she cheats by turning into stone.  Eh.  

It feels like someone just spun a wheel for of evil traits and just stuck them together haphazardly.  His evil plan is...human trafficking!  His personality is...self righteous!  His means is...tf!  His super power is...turning into a statue!  

He’s the biggest of bads but also not that thought out.  He’s super important to the over-arching plot and yet I have no idea why this guy does what he does.  I’m gonna give him 🗽🗽 two statues.

Mystery Men

idek why this person is called “Mystery Men”.  I’m guessing it’s supposed to be mystery man?  Or mysterious person or something?  I know I haven’t talked about the art much but, I do appreciate how much their face looks like a dog snout and her hood looks like dog ears.  It’s a neat touch.

This description was actually changed.  The new text is longer and more awkwardly worded.  I don’t like it!  And I don’t get why it happened.

But, yeah.  The very last enemy of the game- who you can only reach by playing through at least four times and defeating all three others- is your Grandmother!  Le gasp!

So what exactly went wrong with her?  Oh, nothing, she just has a big wolf growing out of her back(told you the concept was backed up by canon)

Is this her daemon or patronus or something?  I have no idea.  I’ve been calling her a werewolf sometimes, tho, bc she’s better at being a werewolf than the titular werewolf.  Which is to say she can revive instead of just healing.  Her buffs and deck change throughout the fight.  She’s a long battle, fun, except for her ear piercing voice.  She sounds a bit possessed.

I’ll give her 👁️👁️👁️ three big eyes.  She’s a fun battle, but I always mute it.  Also not real big on how the text got changed for the worse.  But she does add some good details to the story.

In Conclusion... 

Grandma’s text tells us a few things.  

1. Not only is the Hope family connected to this prophecy, but family members actually have the power to control the curse.  That leads me to believe that the person who got the curse started was a Hope themself.  

2. The church came along long after the curse was in full swing.  So the priest is not responsible for it.  Whether he’s a Hope himself is not relevant.

We also know these things:

1. The witch is still the one casting all the tf spells, which is part of the curse.

2. There are two timelines were Red has a natural gift for magic

3. In the Little Witch timeline, the Witch is teaching Red magic.  On top of that she’s v patient, which is surprising, for some reason.

4. The Witch seems a little out of touch with reality.  She sends you to find apples, and then yells at you for stealing them.  Almost like she thinks you’re another person.

5. The witch verbally expresses her desire not to fight you when she realizes who you are.

I have to conclude that the Witch is a Hope.  A Hope who’s close enough to have a fondness for Little Red Riding Hood, and is invested in her well being/education.  And yanno, is turns her enemies into pig people because she can.  

She helps you on your quest by giving you one of her own.  But earlier on, she takes on the form of the other witch offer you potions and the like.  She even gives you the first one in each chapter for free.

“My potions can change your appearance!”

Of course she can’t get too close to you.  She can’t reveal that she’s helping you.  Hence putting on a new face when she’s a ‘good’ witch.  One wonders if she’s trying to hide her identity from you, or the people she’s allied with.

Hey can we look at her description again?

Red doesn’t get addressed in the second person in any of the other descriptions.  There is a character who talks about his life in the first person, and we’ll get to him.  But this is odd to me.

What if Red isn’t being addressed here?  What if it’s someone else?  What if it’s the Witch?

What if the Witch was captured and ensnared in the priest’s plot?  What if he messed with her memory?  So then who is she?  Red’s sister?  It seems like she’s been working with the church a lot longer than Grandma’s been missing.  Also Grandma went into the woods on her own accord.  You could say that the grief the church caused her *made* her go out, but it seems weak.

So maybe a Hope in another generation, who lost her grandmother to- either the church or monsters?  Was it this other Grandmother who *started* the curse?

Dude, what if she’s your Mom?

What if instead of killing her the priest did...something...scared her enough to get her to work for him.  And messed with her memory so she couldn’t conceive a way out?  And sort of had her transfer the power of the curse to him so that people had to kill him to break it?

What if he had the Church Doctor scoop her brain out and put it in another lady’s head?  Who knows.

I’m not certain about the witch being your mom.  I think I would like that to be the case because it’s fun, but I’m not quite convinced yet.  I AM certain, tho, that the Witch is a Hope, and she cares about you.  She’s not just this cackling meanie turning people into flowers.  She’s...complicated.  And she needs help just as much as all the trapped monsters.

[brokehorrorfan]

Best New Horror Movies on Netflix: Winter 2018

There's an overwhelming amount of horror movies to sift through on Netflix, so I've decided to take out some of the legwork by compiling a list of the season’s best new genre titles available on Netflix’s instant streaming service.

Please feel free to leave a comment with any I may have missed and share your thoughts on any of the films you watch. You can also peruse past installments of Best New Horror Moves on Netflix for more suggestions.

1. Gerald's Game

IT was undoubtedly the most entertaining Stephen King adaptation in recent memory, but Gerald's Game may be the most tense. The novel - which revolves around a middle-aged married couple's attempt to spice up their love life - was seemingly un-filmable, but director Mike Flanagan (Oculus, Ouija: Origin of Evil) takes a creative yet logical approach to successfully translate the story from the page to the screen. The direction is stylish, despite largely involving only two actors in a single bedroom. Carla Gugino (Watchmen) and Bruce Greenwood (Star Trek) star, both delivering brilliant performances, with Henry Thomas (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial) and Carel Struycken (The Addams Family) in chilling supporting roles. Its left-field epilogue won't work for some, but the film remains a suspenseful, dead-filled experience that includes perhaps the most cringe-inducing sequence of the year.

2. 1922

1922 is an adaptation of a little-known Stephen King novella, published in his 2010 collection, Full Dark, No Stars. Like much of King's work, it doesn't shy away from the supernatural, yet it's firmly grounded in reality. The always-reliable Thomas Jane delivers a transformative performance in his third King film (following Dreamcatcher and The Mist). He stars as Wilfred James, a conflicted man who confesses to murdering his wife (Molly Parker. Deadwood) with the aid of his son (Dylan Schmid, Once Upon a Time) in 1922. Akin to Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart," Wilfred's unbearable guilt manifests itself. Cinematographer Ben Richardson (The Fault in Our Stars) utilizes a lot of natural light, while Faith No More's Mike Patton composes an atonal score. Writer-director Zak Hilditch (whose previous film, These Final Hours, is also worth seeking out) delivers a brooding, character-driven slow burner.

3. Raw

Raw made waves on the festival circuit when it caused multiple viewers to faint. It is indeed a uniquely repulsive film in more ways than one might expect - depicting everything from animal dissecting to bikini waxing to eye licking in graphic detail - but it's much more than a mindless gorefest. The French film is a compelling, darkly humorous coming-of-age story... with cannibalism. The plot revolves around Justine (Garance Marillier), a young vegetarian, as she enters her first semester at veterinary school. She receives the full college experience: hazing, coed living, experimentation, partying, flesh eating. Marillier's fearless performance is matched by a strong vision from writer-director Julia Ducournau.

4. Super Dark Times

From the first act of Super Dark Times, you might expect it to be a coming-of-age genre tale in the vein of Stranger Things and IT, but by the end you will find a film that shares more in common with River's Edge and Stand By Me. It's set in the '90s, complete with scrambled "adult" channels, but it doesn't beat the viewer over the head with nostalgia. Owen Campbell (The Americans) and Charlie Tahan (Ozark) star as best friends with a secret that drives a wedge between them. Co-writers Ben Collins and Luke Piotrowski (Siren) capture the adolescent banter better than most films, while director Kevin Phillips makes an impressive feature debut. Living up to its title, Super Dark Times is a dark, tense experience.

5. Cult of Chucky

Child’s Play is a rare horror franchise that has maintained its original continuity, thanks to having Don Mancini - who has written every installment and directed the latter three - as the driving creative force. Cult of Chucky, the seventh entry in the series, brings together the franchise’s three distinct story lines - Nica (Fiona Dourif) from Curse of Chucky, Andy Barclay (Alex Vincent) from Child’s Play 1-3, and Tiffany (Jennifer Tilly) from Bride/Seed of Chucky. Taking cues from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warrior, the film takes place in a mental institution, where Nica bonds with the members of her therapy group. When they start dying one by one, Nica struggles to convince anyone that a possessed doll named Chucky (voiced, as always, by Brad Dourif) is responsible. Mancini’s well-paced script is fearless in its exploration of delightfully weird ideas, in addition to balancing the more serious tone with lighthearted fun. The result is as close as you can get to pleasing fans of all eras of Chucky. Read my full review of the film here.

6. The Bar

The Bar is the latest effort from reliable Spanish filmmaker Álex de la Iglesia (The Oxford Murders). It finds a group of strangers trapped in a seedy bar in downtown Madrid. Anyone that tries to leave is killed by an unseen assailant, with their bodies disappearing - blood and all - when no one is looking. Reminiscent of an episode of The Twilight Zone, suspicion grows and intrigue builds as the group must come together to solve the mystery. Iglesia does a fine job establishing an ensemble of quirky characters in a short time and then maintaining that momentum throughout the duration. He also injects his signature dark humor into the plot, helping to further set it apart from other contained thrillers.

7. Creep 2

2014's Creep (which is also streaming on Netflix and should be viewed first) was perhaps the last good, original found footage movie, made on a shoestring budget with copious improvisation. Star/co-writer Mark Duplass (Safety Not Guaranteed), whose eerie performance as an idiosyncratic murderer anchored Creep, and director/co-writer Patrick Brice return for Creep 2, which slightly expands the mythology without sacrificing the intimacy that made the first film so effective. Duplass' character now goes by Aaron, assuming not only the name of Brice's character from the first Creep but also his interest in filmmaking. Sara (Desiree Akhavan) responds to Aaron's Craigslist ad looking for a videographer, and it’s not long after their meeting that he admits to being a serial killer. But Aaron is going through a bit of a midlife crisis, so he employs Sara to film a documentary about him. Much like the first Creep, not a whole lot happens before the climax, but Duplass' eccentric character and vulnerable performance keep you watching with bated breath.

8. Killing Ground

Killing Ground is an unapologetic Australian thriller in the vein of Eden Lake, Wolf Creek, Deliverance, and The Hills Have Eyes. In other words, it's an intense punch in the gut. In the film, a couple's romantic camping trip is interrupted by unhinged locals against whom they must fight for survival. The familiar set-up is elevated by intriguing flashbacks to events a few days prior to the main story, the context of which adds even more weight to the harrowing situation. Although not the most original story ever told, Killing Ground is an effective, realistic debut for writer-director Damien Power.

9. Veronica

Verónica is a Spanish-language psychological thriller from Mexico. Co-directors Carlos Algara and Alejandro Martinez-Beltran opted to shoot the film in black and white with gorgeous, precise cinematography, bringing to mind the recent The Eyes of My Mother. A psychologist (Arcelia Ramírez) is offered a substantial sum of money to take on the evasive yet intelligent Veronica de la Serna (Olga Segura) as a patient. It's a simple set-up, consisting of little more than dialogue between the two characters, but the intriguing therapy sessions slowly reveal Veronica's deep-seated issues. The plot takes an unexpected, exciting turn for the final act, but it ultimately leads to a twist that is trite and, frankly, unnecessary. But don't let that deter you; the rest of the film is positively riveting.

10. Red Christmas

Red Christmas is a holiday horror film that - despite hailing from Australia - captures the typical Christmas season quite well, complete with the family drama it often entails. It also addresses the topical subject of reproductive rights, employs both a genre legend (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial's Dee Wallace, in one of her strongest performances in years) and an actor with Down syndrome (Gerard O'dwyer), and tells a decent horror story in the process. Similar to You're Next, the film features a killer interrupting a strained family gathering, blending home invasion and slasher influences. It won’t replace any of the classics, but Red Christmas is a fine addition to the Christmas horror pantheon. Read my full review of the film here.

11. Don't Kill It

Don't Kill It is a fun amalgam of horror, action, comedy, and western from director Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider). A rash of homicides - in which each killer murders the previous killer - lead FBI agent Evelyn Pierce (Kristina Klebe, Halloween) back to the podunk Mississippi town she once called home in order to investigate the case. She reluctantly teams with Jebediah Woodley (Dolph Lundgren, Rocky IV), a self-described demon hunter, to stop the body-hopping demon on the loose. There are a couple of big, bloody set pieces that make the abundance of exposition worthwhile. Clocking in at a lean 83 minutes, the film plays like a more charming and entertaining version of a Syfy original movie.

Bonus: Dark

Comparisons between Dark and Stranger Things are inevitable - both Netflix original series concern a mystery of a missing child in a small town in which supernatural elements are at play - but Dark approaches the material in am much more subtle, subversive manner. In addition to Stranger Things' coming-of-age through a genre lens, the German show has the mind-bending rhetoric of Donnie Darko and the mystique of Twin Peaks, with a touch of Back to the Future for good measure. There may be a few too many characters for its own good, but the story - in which a disappearance in the present is somehow tied to similar events that occurred in 1986 - is undeniably well told and well shot. I'm already eager to binge a second season.

Bonus: Mindhunter

Mindhunter is an original series from executive producer David Fincher (Gone Girl, Seven), who also directs several episodes, with Joe Penhall (The Road) serving as showrunner. Based on the true crime book Mind Hunter: Inside the FBI’s Elite Serial Crime Unit, it follows FBI agents Holden Ford (Jonathan Groff. Glee) and Bill Tench (Holt McCallany, Alien 3) as they conduct interviews with convicted murderers in the late '70s for their groundbreaking work in behavioral science. After an attention-grabbing opening scene, the show takes a couple of episodes to gain momentum, but it's virtually impossible to look away after that. There's an abundance of heady dialogue, in typical Fincher fashion, though it's never short of enthralling.

[it-is-i-mommy-milkers-1000]

@paint-lady thanks for the offer! i did notice some missions and bosses need more ppl to defeat *throws em a side eye* but for now im trying to get through as much of the game solo and free, just to see how much i can do all on my own >:D @chiclet-go-boom the game honestly kinda reminds me of vampire the masquerade bloodlines, but if it was open world. might be because of the graphics? i dont know, but it gives me nostalgia feels from the get go. swl makes me a little teary ngl, its sooo much fun! and since you asked for the pics~ eheheheheeh (i got so many ss, maybe too much, ill try to narrow it down)

meet lucile preston, quiet unhinged will-throw-herself-into-a-dangerous-situation-without-any-thought-behind-her-eyes-because-its-fun trickster templar (shes so fucking pretty ohmygodčlafelm i love her) r. sonnac (sassy cat-boi faction leader) questions how this novice is even alive at this point, yet reports of her successfully completed missions keep arriving, and he eagerly awaits each one to drink up like his favourite tea brand i imagine her powers to be somewhat electric (her hair is the main inspo), and she can teleport fast short distances with them (imagine like ciri from the witcher). she thrives in pandemonium. she was able to fight before the bees altered her life, but the templars mainly taught her the basics with how to use guns and her power, so i headcanon it that she just got really good at them while she spent her time at the solomon island (plenty of targets to train on there over the course of several months) i picked templars for my first playthrough because i feel like they make the most sense to me story-wise. my second time is def going to be with one of the other two factions.

now here are some scenery ss i took! this game is so damn PRETTY goddddd

there's so much content in this game i can gush about, from the worldbuilding, to storytelling, to fantastic npc's, so on, but one thing i don't particularly like is the fact that quests don't necessarily seem to have a conclusion. i don't know if this is a thing that only happens in this game, or if this is a part of mmo's in general (this is my second mmo i've ever played). but i do a quest, i have a blast while it lasts, and just as i complete it, i just get a notification that its over, no further dialogue, or roleplay involved. the most i get is a hint in my lore tab where you get something like "the talk of the town" achievement, and there was a part with john wolf where he nodded at the fact that i defeated jack the lad before. so it mostly comes down to me just headcanoning the hell out of the interactions i do get to make it make sense in a way. which brings me to my second issue, where i thought that there would be more interactions with the "big three" (the characters from the promo trailers that we get to interact with in the beginning). from as much i could read and gather, without spoiling myself, there is not many interactions with them? and that makes me kinda disappointed because i was really excited and hoping to play with those characters more. i really want my character to feel like she made a lot of connections with people, be it good or bad. but i can only do that if i decide that's how it goes, it doesn't really happen in the game now to fangirling

i recently played the quest "maine chainsaw massacre" and i cackled like a gremling while taking swipes at all the zombs at the beach. that chainsaw is now my new favourite weapon. altho i cannot use it anymore (ノД`)・゜・。cri as you can see, there are zero zombs in front of me cuz i cut through em like butter mwahahahahah this game is so gay. MAM please. youre staring into my soul kjsdfjfd

Madame Roget please kiss me.

SO GAY.

my favourite monsters so far are: the revenant, jack-o-lantern (as ive mentioned), will-o-wisps, spectres, boogeyman, those little rock golems and scarecrows! i absolutely despise draug and familiars, zombies i can somewhat stomach (those are mainly just because ive fought sooo much of them, theyre annoying) tbh most quests that are there just sort of as a grind tactic i don't really like playing because i quickly get bored of them. my main form of entertainment were always story related quests. i got a lot of them over at kingsmouth and the savage coast (that part was awesome), buttt not so much at the blue mountain which is where im currently at. The black house was so cool and creepy to play! i love how in the lorebook its says "the black house stood silent.." and then you go up to it and it sounds like a stomach of a giant beast gurgling and moaning, all cracking wood, and of course, theres blood dripping from the ceiling *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ i just sorta headcanon those little things as maybe a normal person that has no ties to the world beyond would see that black house and not hear anything, they would just get this uneasy feeling to stay far far away, while the bees can see its true nature. the atlantic island park was *chefs kiss* i honestly wish we had more quest there and then the pumkin head jack!

when i tell you i squealed from excitement when i found out i got to continue to play this story

lmaoo "By the way, you do have other priorities on the island." i love sonnac sm

best quest. john wolf best quest giver.

hes so dreamy *swooooooooooooon*

oh my god JUST KISS ALREADY

lucile will marry the heck out of him. BEST OTP <3

and since were at the end, here are some honourable ss:

fighting hellspawn like a pro

same energy

and this cursed pic of smug lucile <3

i need to mention for posterity that the first time i played this game and walked into this theme park, i lasted about five seconds before i turn right the fuck around because the air started to warp around me and i was not ready for reality to nose dive like that.

i went back awhile later and the air warped and the creepy music was playing and i walked past the gates this time, stood there with my axe in hand to see what was going to leap out at me and then walked right back out again because nothing did but i Did Not Trust It.

seriously, this game gave me the heebie jeebies every single game session. do NOT even talk to me about Blue Canyon Mine. or The Black House. i spent more time just standing there waiting for the weird shit to jump out and eat me than anything else, and i was almost never disappointed.

[itsworn]

Meet CC’s boneyard big-block Chevy: Project Hunk-o-Junk!

The first order of business for our junkyard BBC was to replace the factory EFI induction with simple carburetion.

If you are in the market for a serious chunk of horsepower hardware, look no further than your local wrecking yard. Sure, we all love a serious build-up, or even a crate motor that shows up assembled and ready for action, but there is just something about rolling the dice on an unknown commodity that really gets us going! Of course, there are preventative steps to be taken to minimize the surprise, but even then, you never really know how well the junkyard motor is going to perform until you park that baby at WOT!

It took some searching through the local wrecking yard, but we managed to locate a suitable big-block Chevy. The key was to look in the truck / SUV section of the yard!

We’re talking about the time-honored tradition of yanking a motor from the bone yard and flogging it for all its worth on the engine dyno. Not just any motor mind you, but nothing less than a tried and true, red, white, and blue, big-block Chevrolet! Think the Rat motor isn’t a big deal? Our local LKQ Pic-a-Part put a premium on the 454 Chevy. Only the 454 Chevy. Even at nearly twice the price of the lesser V8s, that lesser list included big Fords and Dodges (if you can find one), not to mention various V10s. What’s not to love about a big-block Chevy for the paltry sum of $500? That doesn’t count the core charge, but it also doesn’t take into account the 40-percent reduction that can be had on sale weekends. Score!

After wrestling it out of the 1997 1-ton 4WD Suburban, we plopped it in the back of our 2003 1500 Silverado and were off to the dyno.

Big dyno numbers are not the story here. After all, what could we realistically expect from a stone-stock, smog motor with over 180K miles—even one sporting 454 cubic inches? This story is not about what it is, but rather what it can be, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Before we even think about testing, we must first locate and liberate one, to say nothing of shedding some excess tonnage. Starting with the “locate” category, don’t bother looking for a big-block in the engine bay of a Camaro, Chevelle, or El Camino. Those days are long gone! Look instead where all the big-blocks reside, under the hood of full-size trucks and SUVs. Used to power ¾- and 1-ton trucks and Suburbans, the big-block we know and love was used up to the year 2000, when GM switched over to the ill-fated 8.1L. Though displacing a very desirable 496 inches, the short-lived stroker BBC was something of an anomaly, and carries very little aftermarket support. By contrast, the Mark IV, Gen V and Gen VI big-blocks that pre-dated the 8.1L are as popular as ever, with an infinite number of cam profiles, cylinder heads, and intake manifolds to choose from, not to mention all manner of stroker combinations. That’s why we chose the 454 over the larger (and later) 8.1L 496.

One of the many reasons we liked the Gen VI motor was because they featured factory hydraulic roller cams. Note the spider assembly used to hold the lifters in place.

When it comes to big-blocks, there are three main varieties. As we mentioned, the Mark IV was the original motor introduced by GM in 1965. This was replaced by the Gen V, while the final iteration came in the form of the Gen 6. A complete history lesson is unnecessary here, but know that the all of the Gen V and Gen VI motors featured 4-bolt blocks, while the majority of Mark IV motors were of the two-bolt variety. For this reason alone we tend to favor the later blocks. The icing on the cake for us was that GM introduced hydraulic roller cams in the Gen VI. Now toss in the fact that the Gen VI also received higher compression and standard-size oval-port heads to replace the restrictive peanut ports used on the Gen V, and you start to appreciate the beauty that is the 7.4L, Gen VI 454. Because of these upgrades, the Gen VI was also rated much higher in power than the previous Gen V 454, a difference of roughly 50 hp. It is also worth mentioning that the Gen VI heads are a good upgrade for the Gen V, since the Gen V heads featured not only the smaller peanut ports, but also massive 120cc combustion chambers compared to a measured 102 cc’s for the Gen VI.

The Gen VI 454 also featured flat-top pistons with intake valve reliefs combined with small-chamber, oval-port heads.

There are a couple of other subtle differences between the various generations of big-blocks that also bear mentioning. As mentioned previously, big-blocks came in three varieties, though all will work for most performance applications. The most difficult to find was the original Mark IV BBC, available in common displacements ranging from 396-454 inches. These early rat motors are distinguished by the presence of a mechanical fuel-pump boss on the side of the block. Since GM planned on phasing in electronic fuel injection to the later Gen V and Gen VI motors, they eliminated the fuel pump boss on the later blocks. An electric fuel pump will be necessary with these later blocks if you plan to run them with a carburetor. The exception to this rule is some of the early Gen V motors, as they still retained the fuel pump boss. From the factory, the majority of Mark IV motors came with Q-Jet carburetion, while the later Gen V and VI motors received fuel injection. The Gen V motors got the less powerful throttle-body injection, while Gen VI L29 454 received a long-runner, multi-port fuel injection system.

After checking the condition of the spark plugs, cranking compression, and oil pressure, we installed a dual-plane Weiand Stealth intake manifold.

When choosing a big-block from the junkyard, here are few things to consider. First off, our junkyard would only sell the big-block as a complete motor, there was no option to purchase a (less expensive) short- or long-block combo. This was disappointing, since we planned to ditch the factory EFI in place of simple carburetion for our testing, but it might be possible to sell the EFI system, or at least the injectors, throttle body, and/or TPS, IAC, or CT sensors off the injection. The same is true of the accessory drive, as this came with the complete motor. A nice big-block serpentine system is very desirable for street use, so make sure to get every part you can. We even gathered parts off other vehicles to complete ours. If you are paying for everything, you might as well make sure you get everything. We have even replaced the factory EFI system with a carbureted intake, Q-Jet (or Holley if you can find one) and an HEI distributor (though you might need a different distributor gear). When deciding on your big-block, don’t forget the transmission—if you need one. Most big-blocks are backed by a turbo 400 or 4L80E, so if you need a drivetrain to handle big-block power, snag the tranny too!

The Weiand Stealth intake was topped with a low-buck—but plenty powerful—Brawler carburetor. The 650cfm carb has to be one of the best-kept, low-buck secrets in carburetors.

For this big-block adventure, we performed the spin-to-win test prior to removal. Our junkyard moto is, if the motor spins, it (usually) wins. The first “will-it-run” test is to remove (and inspect) the spark plugs and make sure the motor even rotates. If not, pass on it and find another candidate. If it does, things are looking good. After removal, we quickly pulled the EFI distributor, filled it with oil, and performed an oil pressure test. In the photos, this test was shown on the dyno, but we actually rolled the motor up to the dyno on the engine stand and plugged into the dyno gauge. After spinning the oil pump with a drill, we were rewarded with over 60 psi of oil pressure, a good sign that the motor was in good shape. That the plugs looked new and were in good shape was further evidence of a running motor. The final step was to perform a leak-down test, which this motor passed with flying colors. We then tore into the motor to remove everything we didn’t need on the dyno, including exhaust manifolds, motor mounts, and the accessories. The final step was to remove the EFI system and replace it with carburetion.

Though it is possible to snag an HEI distributor from the junkyard, we decided on an MSD unit for our big-block. The billet distributor was teamed with a 6AL amplifier and Blaster coil.

To ready the big-block for dyno testing, we yanked the EFI upper and lower intake and replaced it with a Weiand intake manifold. The dual-plane Stealth intake offered the perfect combination of low-speed torque and peak power. Remember, this motor was still sporting a wimpy factory cam. The Weiand intake was topped with a Holley 650 Brawler carburetor. Before all you big-block fans come unhinged about the thought of running a 454 with such a (seemingly) small carburetor, know that the carb was sized perfectly for the airflow and power potential of the otherwise stock motor. The carbureted induction system was combined with an MSD distributor, though a stock HEI would perform just as well at this power level.

Run on the dyno with the Weiand intake, Brawler carb, and MSD distributor, the 1997 454 produced 378 hp at 4,700 rpm and 482 lb-ft of torque at 3,500 rpm. Obviously the mild cam was designed with low-speed torque production in mind, as the torque output bettered 450 lb-ft from 2,500 rpm to 4,300 rpm. Now our Hunk-o-Junk was ready for a cam, heads, and maybe even some nitrous!

The interesting thing about these small-chamber, Gen VI heads is that they wanted very little total ignition timing. Though we swept timing from 25-35 degrees, the motor made best power and torque at 29 degrees. Equipped with carburetion and long-tube headers, the junkyard Gen VI 454 produced peak numbers of 378 hp at 4,700 rpm and 482 lb-ft of torque at 3,500 rpm. Obviously designed with low-speed torque production in mind, the 454 offered over 450 lb-ft from 2,500 rpm to 4,300 rpm. Even more important than the numbers was the fact that we now had a happy, healthy Hunk-o-Junk just begging for some awesome upgrades!

On The Dyno

Despite massive mileage, and (likely) minimal maintenance, this 1997 454 thumped out factory-fresh power numbers. After removal from the local junkyard, the 454 received a Weiand Stealth intake, a Holley 650 Brawler carb and MSD distributor. Equipped with these components, Gen VI BBC produced 378 hp at 4,700 rpm and 482 lb-ft of torque at 3,500 rpm. Torque production exceeded 450 lb-ft for nearly 2,000 rpm—from 2,500 rpm to 4,300 rpm. This Hunk-o-Junk was now primed and ready for action!

Once mounted on the engine stand, we proceeded to remove the items unnecessary for dyno use. These items included the front accessory drive, motor mounts, and factory exhaust manifolds.

After removal of the major external components, we unbolted the factory EFI intake and installed the big-block on the dyno.

The factory long-runner EFI system was designed to enhance trailer-towing torque production on the big-block.

The cross-ram style intake featured central-mounted injectors to feed the individual cylinders. Each of the two ports in the lower manifold were siamesed together in the upper manifold and fed by a single (larger) port opening on the opposite side.

Before attempting to run the motor, we made sure it had adequate oil pressure. After filling the crank case with six quarts of Lucas 20W-50 oil, we used our handy, dandy Milwaukee drill to spin up the oil pump. Using a fresh K&N oil filter, we gave the big-block a new lease on life. It was the least we could do, given our intentions.

Like most late-model big-blocks, the Gen VI featured a non-adjustable valvetrain, but did include guide plates for the 5/16-inch factory pushrods. A valvespring upgrade will be mandatory when installing a new cam in the future.

Perhaps overkill for our mild motor, the 454 was run with 2.25-inch, long-tube dyno headers feeding collector extensions.

We made sure to dial in the combo with adjustments to both jetting and timing. Though we swept the timing from 25-35 degrees, these small-chamber Gen-VI heads ran best with just 29 degrees of total timing.

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