#ive been working on a lot of stuff so havent had much energy to draw digitally

[ratxiety]

[lostacelonnie]

Totally understandable ive been dealin with long work & other stuff so i feel ya. My energy levels have been all over the place. Ooh have fun in alicante! Right? Like hey im here sorry ive just been havin a time. Love discord. Hell yeah good times with good friends is always phenomenal news. Oh? Kudos for that there should be a badge for not having gulls try to steal your food. Australian magpies are notoriously asshole birds there's a whole chunk of time called swooping season where they get so vicious that mail people have to wear thick helmets to protect their head. Theres like. So much to learn in history & having adhd makes it hard so i have to pair it with like. A podcast or something to focus but it has grown on me recently too. Wish i could say the same of geography. Cool teachers are the lifeblood of learning i had so many cool science teachers. Thanks! Wolfie & kafka are my other goals of characters to get where i dont have them. Ive just been trying to catch up on the story & finally finished the luofu story. Building characters for me is just yeah this works i dont focus so hard on it anymore. No time for all that. I used arctic fox purple dye which allowed me to not have to bleach my hair so maybe thats an option? Im so ready for furina i have like. 335 wishes ready. I like team building in star rail its more. Relaxed than in genshin it feels like. Pela stays because her debuff is so helpful especially on the luofu. Bye pesky mara struck revival buff. May the courage to wear your choker in public come to you. I have & get compliments when i do. & may the future bring still easy exams for you

thankies ajskdglskjf as you can see it happened Again. ahhhh. school. AND THANK YOU IT WAS EXTREMELY FUN!!!! much better than my first trip there. got to eat SO much spanish food and omg i love all of it. not a single dish i disliked. plus i got to get my needed dose of the sea again! much more than my needed dose, in fact. we went to the beach EVERY EVENING. ive never been by the sea at night b4 and its such an awesome experience...... esp with the besties........... BUT AHEM. ANYWAY. YEAH DISCORD REALLY IS GREAT IN THAT WAY. and thank you o7 i also managed to avoid being robbed by them this time, despite the fact i was literally eating a salami sandwich next to an entire SWARM. every day i thank my luck for that. AND OH GOOD LORD????? HELMETS????? friendliest australian animal i guess 😭😭and ahhhhhh i feel you on that. luckily being diagnosed with the 'tism makes it so that teachers are obligated to let me draw during lessons so at least thats nice. and tbh with geography its funny cos like. i dont really Care about it but 1. its probs one of the easiest extensions and 2. i have an epic prof so i ended up liking it quite a lot as well. AND FOR REALLLLL tha AMOUNT of subjects ive never had a solid opinion on bc of how dependent it is on the teacher. for example my current teacher somehow managed to make me like PE. which feels illegal and yet. anyway, moving on! GOOD LUCK ON GETTING THEMMMMM wolfie has never left my team since i got her. shes op. the luofu story was so good................ tbh i dont rlly know what going on in hsr rn since i for real havent logged in since the release of luofu's last act and am not really planning to but Oh Well. i treat building chars the same way tbh [other than in honkai where i Do actually try to get good gear], i usually dont bother doing anything with my chars if im not outright struggling. not worth my time. AND AHHHHH THATS SO EPIC....... im still hovering around 175 since i havent really played recently but ahhhhh im hyped. and yeah i agree, i feel like its. Easier. to get a good team in hsr than in genshin, not to mention building it. since in genshin a lot of teams are dependent on 5* like raiden for example. who i Do Not Have, by the way. maybe one day. yeah pela IS great omg. AND THANKIES!!!! THE MOMENT I GET EVEN MARGINALLY MORE CONFIDENT ITS OVER FOR EVERYONE. and, once again thx o7!! i managed to get 100% on a chemistry short test so im gonna treat that as a good sign

[animalinvestigator]

16 and 20 for art ask meme? ^_^

hi ashe ^O^ sure thing thank you sorry for the very belated response i was hanging OUT

16. favorite media to work with when drawing traditionally

i don't really draw traditionally enough nowadays to know! when i was a kid it was markers ( i accumulated a sizable collection of copics and similar markers over years and years of asking for them for gifts and spending all my available money on them) but i don't really know how to use them in a way that feels natural anymore . i guess just pen and paper and like, whatever shitty coloring implements i have around? oh and i have these like , swatch watercolors that come on little pads of paper insead of out of tubesor on a palette that are really fun. thats about it. OH and i likepainting with acryllic : ) and oils but they're a pain

20. a piece from this year that you're really proud of

i have a hard time being proud of my art but theres a couple things that i like a little more than other things : ) ill attatch them

ive been barely drawing but these are probably my favorites recently. (the lsat 2 are art fight pieces, i really gave it my all but i kind of completely blew out as a result and ive had no energy for drawing since lol) I feel like even though i havent been drawing a lot of finished stuff ive done leagues to sort of cement the visual style and general vibe that i feel most comfortable with and have the most fun with this year. hopefully i can draw more soon since i have less wrist pain to deal with!!

thank you so much hope youre doing well tonight ^_^

[st4rry4pples]

alas, i have made it back from the trenches (my toilet)

man, what is there to say? kate was the first real queer female representation i had seen in media, which was cool for little gay me. aidy has always been one of my favorites, she just has this loving and fun energy thats impossible to not make you smile. kyle is the most autistic non autistic person ive ever seen and i mean that in the best way possible. not only is he hilarious in all the weird shit hes done on the show but his creations outside of snl are amazing (watch brigsby bear!) and i cant wait to see what he does next (just please dont let it be dressing up as baby yoda dear god). and lastly, pete... pete davidson has gotten me thru some really shitty times. as a kid whos anxiety and hypochondria got so bad to where i couldnt leave the house, it was always cool to see a rad lad like him being so honest with his mental health struggles. ive been thru a lot with pete, all his rich fancy girlfriends, his movies. i remember one day at school i had felt depressed and completely burned out, so durinf my lunch break i watch (part of) his special alive from new york, and suddenly my troubles melted into laughter... until i would find out later that day that school would be shut down do to a pandemic 👍 but his comedy definitely distracted my anxiety for a bit which was cool. no matter his tone deaf choices in women, petey boy is always gonna have a special place in my heart :-)

now, where the hell can i start with you guys. im gonna be open here, i started liveblogging snl in feburary of 2020 (i know im ancient) then the pandemic hit and i fell into the worst mental state of my life. for once i didnt have an answer. i felt completely and utterly useless and didnt feel like i was living in my own body. every day felt the same. of top of that in august of 2020, a friend of mine took his own life. so adding grief onto my isolation made every day feel like a nightmare i couldnt wake up from... that was until i thought of actually doing something and getting in the snl liveblog tag again, where i was very pleasantly surprised at the community that had suddenly blossomed out of nowhere. at first, our crew was small, but it grew and grew with every month and soon it became a tradition i looked forward to every week. things had started to feel real again and i finally had something in life to look forward to even if it was just for an hour and a half every saturday (mid)night.

flash to a year and a half later and i can honestly say i am in the best mental state since i was a kid. sure i have my own set of problems and the world keeps getting wilder and wilder by the minute but i finally feel real yknow? im finally with my friends again and ive gotten so much better with my relationships and myself and balancing things (ok for the most lart i have a shit ton of work to do) hell even with work i finally feel an ounce of motivation, im even motivated to do stuff i like again like draw! i havent drawn reguarly in 3 years! i can honestly say that tuning in with you guys every saturday night has definitely made a difference more than you know. and while a big change may be happening to 8h, hell they got us through a big change and now its time for us to root them through one. thank you all from the bottom of my heart from hearing me ramble about my special interest, i wouldnt be who i am without snl or the comedy of the cast members throughout generations. its shaped me as a person and im proud to contribute to this niche little community :-)

i love you all, take care of yourselves, [insert an snl reference here im too tired to come up with], and i'll see you all in october :-)

[madeintimeland]

im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most  creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and  bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

[solailes]

for the first time in a while, i feel alive. i can feel the light shining through, like i've woken up from a long nap.

i got a long rant about this spiritual revelation and moment, read it if ya want. its personal but it was too good not to share

[[MORE]]

a few years back i saw my altered self take over me, inhabit my body and merge with the waking me. im not sure if it actually was me, like maybe a less than benevolent spirit saw an opportunity, but it was definitely different from me. i was being led through an introspective ritual by my dear friend, and while in the spirit realm, i met a woman who showed me to my place. it was a well, and my altered self/spirit crawled out, identical to myself. he had said he was going to take my life from me, that we would switch for a while. he did have some immense controlling power radiating off him, but in a very cool and relaxed way. he looked like the me i wanted to be, but not exactly right. there were conditions, and i was naive enough at the time not to look for them. trusting him, i took his hand and pulled him out of the well, sealing the deal.

and it wasn't forceful, it was like a trade off. i could have said no if i wanted, but i wanted to take a break. i wanted to be different. i was going through a lot of stuff back then and i was tired. i saw my life through his eyes and i wanted it for a while

and now, almost 6 years later, im realizing the price i paid. i havent been in control or truly myself for these past 6 years. ive now come back into my body and my life, like my brain is coming out of a fog and i can see myself clearly.

i think this changed kicked off when i restarted on my spiritual path. ive been drawing down energy from the sun and sending it back with worship, and the sun has cleansed me from the inside out. since re-embracing magic and being so heliocentric, ive had the darkness burned out of me. sun magic has shown me the path back to myself. i thank the sun, i thank the light and warmth, i thank fire for their gifts.

and i think this has to do with reaching out to my ancestors and spiritual guides. they wanted to show they're here and watching over me. i thank them for helping me back into myself.

i know itll take work to maintain this state, because i can feel the darkness stirring inside of me. its like a blackberry bush, it grows no matter the place and you gotta burn it back once a year. i'll work to strengthen my connection with magic, spirit and my ancestral guides, and i will stay in control of myself as much as i can.

praise to those above <3

[hotshotshitshow]

Please tell me more about Bushrod. I’m suddenly very curious about her. What was her earlier life like and how did she become the Bushrod she is today?

ok i feel somewhat rested enough now. i am sorry for making you wait!! but honestly thank you, anyone ever asking me ANYTHING about my characters puts me over the moon

admittedly i still only have the bare bones of her like whole life worked out, i struggle a lot with details unfortunately so it may appear vague but heres what i got:

she was born to a highly religious family somewhere in the ozarks…. i am not sure which state yet because i am sure there are cultural differences within the ozarks from state to state that i would like to learn more about first. 

her family mostly kept to themselves and were very strict in their ways, and i have debated for a while whether or not they all would have been cannibalistic and somewhat like the real-life sawney bean clan, or if cannibalism was a fucked up practice she took up on her own later in her life. anyway she would have had several brothers and sisters and i havent decided which order of birth she was.

she would have been highly encouraged to join the military as she got older and spent a few years there. this is a part of her life i have been very hesitant about because i feel like there are certain things i need to really think about and tread carefully with. 

anyway it would have been an experience i think that she would come away from having a different understanding of the world than what she grew up with and it would be a turning point in her life …. this is definitely where she would start to question her religion as well as a lot of her understanding in how the government operates. she may or may not have lost her legs during this time, still unsure

i feel that as she tries to figure out her place in the world post-military service, she would be very very disillusioned with what is expected of her by society and how she sees things operate …. and definitely come to a conclusion that there is no god and that she was definitely used by the american government to further its own agenda and have an epiphany moment in which she realizes that that is pretty much the backbone of society, that everyone around her is only seen as useful if they can further the agenda of government/corporate america .

i feel like at this time a lot of internalized anger and hatred would come bubbling out and it would become her main goal in life to live only as she wants and to refuse to bend to anyone else unless it is by her own call, which includes regarding all laws and societal expectations as optional

She went on to meet griselda and got into a lot of illegal outlaw shenanigans, lots of hard drugs and killing, formed a motorcycle gang together, and lived a violent and hedonistic life pretty hard for several years before [redacted] and she at long last ended up in prison and spent several years there (ive outlined a timeline for this part of her life before that has the exact years and stuff but im not gonna dig that up right now) she eventually forcibly got herself out of that and ran to the west coast of the states to [redacted] . this paragraph is vague vague vague on purpose

at this point she’s pretty much been lying low for a few years and doesnt go out of her way to draw a lot of attention to herself in order to further evade the law and stay off the radar of [redacted]. In the meantime she has settled down and integrated herself into vicky’s life, which is a situation she never thought she would find herself in and is enjoying far more than she ever thought she would. She’s never envisioned herself as the type to get domestic but life is full of unexpected events i guess

Thats about as much as i can give away right now before shit gets too spoilery. she has toned down a lot from how she used to be tbh but she still eats people from time to time on the downlow. a know that a lot of the energy and anger she had when she was younger is still there in her but as of right now, she is relatively “tame.” what im saying is she’s pretty much a time bomb

vicky knows very very little of any of this, she only really knows that bushrod is from the south and was a part of the military when she was younger. bushrod has been intentionally vague with her about a lot of things because she knows it would almost definitely shatter her relationship if vicky knew some of the shit she’s done

Bless you if you actually read all this lmao

[greymuse]

Witchy QnA

1. Are you solitary or in a coven?

Solitary!

2. Do you consider yourself Wiccan, Pagan, witch, or other?

Witch, or Enchantress if I wanna sound fancy

3. What is your zodiac sign?

Leo sun, Aquarius moon, Leo rising

4. Do you have a Patron God/dess?

Nope

5. Do you work with a Pantheon?

Nope

6. Do you use tarot, palmistry, or any other kind of divination?

Tarot sometimes

7. What are some of your favorite herbs to use in your practice? (if any)

Im just starting to get into more physical items. I was raised to do most things mentally.

8. How would you define your craft?

Im not sure? Green but a lil eclectic

9. Do you curse? If not, do you accept others who do?

I dont think of it as cursing. More so protection from certain people.

10. How long have you been practicing?

I found out about what I was already doing as being Witchcraft a couple months ago. But Ive been using Tarot, using kitchen Witch spells, as “prayers” as spells since I can remember

11. Do you currently or have you ever had any familiars?

Nope. I hope to have one soon though

12. Do you believe in Karma or
Reincarnation?

Absolutely believe in karma. Reincarnation, possibly. Its definitely something I think about

13. Do you have a magical name?

Nope.

14. Are you “out of the broom closet”?

My whole moms side practices casually, so I mean I guess? But I havent referred to  myself as a Witch or something like that.

15. What was the last spell you performed?

I enchanted a ring I got. Also, a money spell that worked but uhh its definitely showing me that I need to work harder.

16. Would you consider yourself knowledgeable?

Im pretty decent. Most of what I look up is common knowledge to me

17. Do you write your own spells?

I havent yet, but I also dont do many spells verbally. I more so visually manifest

18. Do you have a book of shadows? If so, how is it written and/or set up?

I do, Its just a plain lil notebook, I have just some basic reference sheet type things in it.

19. Do you worship nature?

Absolutely

20. What is your favorite gemstone?

rose quartz. or tigers eye

21. Do you use feathers, claws, fur, pelt, skeletons/bones, or any other animal body part for magical work?

I dont particularly enjoy using animal/ human materials. I use natural things, like dirt and water.

  22. Do you have an altar?

Not so much a physical Altar, but my bed is definitely my safe space and I can clear my mind here the easiest.

23. What is your preferred element?

Water, but fire always make me wide eyed and curious. definitely curious. but its destructive potential scares me.

24. Do you consider yourself an Alchemist?

Not art all haha

25. Are you any other type of magical practitioner besides a witch?

Im not sure!

26. What got you interested in witchcraft?

realizing that I had been practicing for my whole life and I hadnt known before

27. Have you ever performed a spell or ritual with the company of anyone who was not a witch?

yeah, with my mom and her mom. I just didnt know at the time. We do protection spells often.

28. Have you ever used ouija?

yup! with my mom and her mom. Its just a family thing we do every time we all get together. I grew up thinking it was completely normal.

29. Do you consider yourself a psychic?

My mom says I used to be. I used to dream about natural disasters before they happened as a kid. I dont think im too good anymore. just empathetic.

30. Do you have a spirit guide? If so, what is it?

I dont think I do. If anything, I do feel a feminine energy? dark (like a shadow, not negative) and watery is the best way I can describe it. But its not a human  entity. Just energy.

31. What is something you wish someone had told you when you first started?

That not everyone believes what you do. And its totally okay! Just maybe dont loudly announce your Ouija board antics with your science teacher in middle school.

32. Do you celebrate the Sabbats? If so which one is your favorite?

I havent before, but im going to try to this year

33. Would you ever teach witchcraft to your children?

Absolutely. I want my son to grow up the same way I did around magick. Itll be normal for him.

34. Do you meditate?

Sometimes! its definitely something im trying to do more often.

35. What is your favorite season?

Fall and Spring! Theres so much change

36. What is your favorite type of magick to preform?

Im not sure yet! Ive only just started branching out and actually considering what ive been doing all my life as magick.

37. How do you incorporate your spirituality into your daily life?

Daily affirmations/ protection spells, I manifest me and my sons happiness and safety every day.

38. What is your favorite witchy movie?

I dont think Ive seen any haha

39. What is your favorite witchy book, both fiction and non-fiction. Why?

The Darkest Powers books by Kelly Armstrong. More supernatural (vampires, werewolves, stuff like that) but I loved it growing up.

40. What is the first spell you ever preformed? Successful or not.

Knowingly, a protection spell from someone who had hurt me

41. What’s the craziest witchcraft-related thing that’s happened to you?

Im not sure! I can see auras if i really focus and can tune into someone, so maybe when i saw a family member with a pure black aura? That was freaky

42. What is your favourite type of candle to use?

I dont use candles! Bonfires or fires in fireplaces usually, to burn a paper if needed. Again, I dont  trust myself with fire very much.

43. What is your favorite witchy tool?

My crystals and my tarot. They all have vibrations. Everything does but especially those, because im so connected to them

44. Do you or have you ever made your own witchy tools?

I want to!  Havent yet

45. Have you ever worked with any magical creatures such as the fea or spirits?

Spirits, yes. I can call on family that Ive known in person for protection. Been doing that as long as i can remember

46. Do you practice color magic?

I used to! i dont really anymore. 

47. Do you or have you ever had a witchy teacher or mentor of any kind?

My mom, aunt, and grandma! 

48. What is your preferred way of shopping for witchcraft supplies?

Dollar store, thrift store, antique stores (though im always hesitant to use something that belonged to someone else. If there isnt a close emotional attachment, there wont be any noticeable vibrations.

49. Do you believe in predestination or fate?

I think theres a general way that things can happen. More like a decide your fate book. There are multiple options, it just depends on what you choose.

50. What do you do to reconnect when you are feeling out of touch with your practice?

Meditate, or go to the lake.

51. Have you ever had any supernatural experiences?

ohhhh boy. I got stories.

52. What is your biggest witchy pet peeve?

People thinking theyre better bc they have a crap ton of materials, thinking im less than because I visualize easier than with material items.

53. Do you like incense? If so what’s your favorite scent?

I do, I just cant very often. I have a child and very smell sensitive people livingg with me

54. Do you keep a dream journal of any kind?

I rarely ever remember a dream, so no

55. What has been your biggest witchcraft disaster?

Im not sure ive had one yet

56. What has been your biggest witchcraft success?

I havent seen who i dont want to see since protecting myself

57. What in your practice do you do that you may feel silly or embarrassed about?

 Everything, haha. I think thats why I enjoy visualizing instead of rituals or verbal stuff.

58. Do you believe that you can be an atheist, Christian, Muslim or some other faith and still be a witch too?

Absolutely!

59. Do you ever feel insecure, unsure or even scared of spell work?

yes, I feel like it //can be// kinda like a genie in a bottle type thing. Itll work, but not without a price.

60. Do you ever hold yourself to a standard in your witchcraft that you feel you may never obtain?

Nope

61. What is something witch related that you want right now?

A cauldron to mix and burn things in haha

62. What is your rune of choice?

I dont know yet! Runes are something Im looking into

63. What is your tarot card of choice?

My birth card, the Tower.

64. Do you use essential oils? If so what is your favorite?

I love lemon and eucalyptus 

65. Have you ever taken any kind of witchcraft or pagan courses?

nope!

66. Do you wear pagan jewelry in public?

Nope

67. Have you ever been discriminated against because of your faith or being a witch?

No one that would feel that way knows anything about it

68. Do you read or subscribe to any pagan magazines?

nope

69. Do you think it’s important to know the history of paganism and witchcraft?

Yes. Its like knowing world history and us history, We need to learn from the past.

70. What are your favorite things about being a witch?

I feel powerful, and connected and accepted by nature.

71. What are your least favorite things about being a witch?

having to tiptoe around things around certain people

72. Do you listen to any pagan music? If so who is your favorite singer/band?

Nope! ill have to look into it

73. Do you celebrate the Esbbats? If so, how?

I havent fully figured out what i want to do for the moon cycles yet, but I definitely want to. the moon and water are so closely related

74. Do you ever work skyclad?

No, but i mean.. maybe one day?

75. Do you think witchcraft has improved your life? If so, how?

I feel like i have more control of how im able to use my emotions and feelings

76. Where do you draw inspiration from for your practice?

The energy i talked about before.. It gets more intense and stronger sometimes, and i know i need to put more time and effort into my practice

77. Do you believe in ‘fantasy’ creatures? (Unicorns, fairies, elves, gnomes, ghosts, etc)

no, but i do believe in energy. not ghosts per say but definitely energy

78. What’s your favorite sigil/symbol?

I try to make most of them myself. I have one for protection while driving that i use for me and my boyfriend a lot. And one for the safety of my son.

79. Do you use blood magick in your practice? Why or why not?

Not as of right now. I did bleed onto my tarot cards on accident though..

80. Could you ever be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t support your practice?

Theres a difference  between “doesnt understand and doesnt care to” and “fully doest support and refuses to let you practice safely”. I dont mind the first, but wouldnt stay with the second.

81. In what area or subject would you most like your craft to grow?

Reading auras, and tarot. Also just connecting with nature more

82. What’s your favorite candle scent? Do you use it in your practice?

I love fall scents! but no, i dont really use candles

83. Do you have a pre-ritual ritual? (I.e. Something you do before rituals to prepare yourself for them). If so what is it?

Meditate and protect

84. What real life witch most inspires your practice?

My mom honestly lmao. i dont think she views herself as a full witch though.And my aunt

85. What is your favorite method of communicating with deity?

I dont worship dieties. But i like to just be in natural and connect emotionally, nonverbally to this energy Im somehow connected with.

86. How do you like to organize all your witchy items and ingredients?

In this lil wooden box my mom gave me for my birthday to hold the tarot cards my grandma gave me haha.

87. Do you have any witches in your family that you know of?

my mom. aunt, and grandma. I know my grandpas grandma was a voodoo witch too.

  88. How have you created your path? What is unique about it?

I havent seen much about nonverbal, mostly mental witchcraft. So i guess  thats one unique thing.

89. Do you feel you have any natural gifts or affinities (premonitions, hearing spirits, etc.) that led you toward the craft? If so what are they?

A couple things. Feeling vibrations, the connection to nature, auras, growing up surrounded by it.

90. Do you believe you can initiate yourself or do you have to be initiated by another witch or coven?

I believe you can initiate yourself. I dont feel the need for someone elses validation is i know my connection with nature is real

91. When you first started out in your path what was the first thing or things you bought?

crystals, lmao

92. What is the most spiritual or magickal place you’ve been?

The southern oregon coast. honestly everywhere in oregon feels so alive and vibrating so heavily with energy. The water and the lush greenery is perfection.

93. What’s one piece of advice you’d give someone who is searching for their matron and patron deities?

I have no idea, I dont follow a deity

94. What techniques do you use to ‘get in the zone’ for meditation?

quiet, listen to music i like and that help calm me, slightly cool, a breeze is good. the sound of real water flowing from a lake or ocean. recordings of water dont help me. sometimes white noise if theres too much noise

95. Did visualization come easily to you or did you have to practice at it?

visualization is the easiest thing for me. ive always daydreamed so heavily that itll be like im dreaming with my eyes totally open and tracking. 

  96. Do you prefer day or night? Why?

early mornings, right as the sun is coming up.

97. What do you think is the best time and place to do spell work?

I like doing spell work before bed, when the moon is bright enough to light up what im doing

98. How did you feel when you cast your first circle? Did you stumble or did it go smoothly?

I dont know if it counts as casting a circle? but i visualize a swirling white ball of energy, starting out like a strawberry size in my hands, and every time i breath in, it gets bigger. Its a protection circle. i learned to do it at like?? 3 years old?

99. Do you believe witchcraft gets easier with time and practice?

Yup!

100. Do you believe in many gods or one God with many faces?

If i had to guess, id say multiple gods/ goddesses. one entity shouldnt have that much power imo.

101. Do you eat meat, eggs and dairy?

Ive been trying to go vegetarian, and i eat minimal eggs and dairy.

102. What is your favorite color and why?

dark, smokey colors. grey, black, dark muted purples, navy, smoky pink.

103. What is the one question you get asked most by non-practitioners or non-pagans? How do you usually respond?

I dont have many people im even slightly into that stuff, let alone a witch. So usually just “how do i cleanse my house? i think its haunted” type stuff

104. Which of your five senses would you say is your strongest?

Feel, haha, physically and emotionally.

105. What is a pagan or witchcraft rule that you preach but don’t practice?

Always properly cleanse new materials, haha

[spacephant0m]

cw for personal talk about religion/spirituality and trying to find myself. Srry for typos

I’m in my room on the verge of tears and switching between crying and having a blank stare, watching brendon’s livestream on my ipad while i type this. I’m trying to study witchcraft to some extent as I’ve never really read much of anything about it before. Specifically I was reading about christian witches. Now the thing is like, i grew up as a christian. And nowadays i still believe in God definitely, but i hate christian practices. I remember reading and studying world religions in college last year and absolutely loving it and being so sad because i never experienced such practices in my own faith that actually seemed..... like, fun, and super connective. Me bawling my eyes out at church camp and being “lost” was not exactly what i originally thought it was. I was just mentally ill and didnt know it. Deep down i always knew i had a connection with God that wasnt faltering over silly shit a kid does wrong. Kid sins. Whatever the fuck. As much as i fucken prayed and asked for forgiveness, i was fine. Christianity is always a race to be closer to God and its like.... how close can i get when im doing the same fucking exact practices over and over.... they never really taught us about meditation and becoming one with your surroundings and idk, letting your spirit free. They kind of talked about it sometimes.

But i just hate the entire setup of church. I miss the family aspect so much. Thats all i miss. I miss bible study but really i just miss the points where we talked about life. Thats usually what we did, we would have an entire lesson setup and it would become totally derailed by our conversations. And it was real and i had a sense of community that i cant get anywhere else. I havent been able to find it anywhere else. But i also miss my personal sense of spirituality. I love that word and i love that it has so many encapsulating meanings. I dont wanna be like a white man self acclaimed guru who’s like read this book it’ll help you change your life....... i feel like those guys really appropriate culture and commercialize it. Its kinda gross. I try not to associate myself with that idea but every time i think about meditating more and shit im like “ew im gonna be a gross white guy whos all at peace w himself and lives in the mountains and shit” AND IT MAKES ME MAD. I’m having a beer right now instead of a cup of tea. Probably a mistake. Tea helps me feel better but im filling my body w shit at the moment bc thats what happens when i get this sad.

Anyways i really hate the idea of practicing a religion. I made a post before asking for sort of an advice on this, like was it okay for me to like witchy things and not actually be one. I was told yes its totally okay. And im not disrespectful of anyone and i dont make fun of any religion. I just persoaally cannot see myself involved with having an actual religion. I dont even consider myself christian so how could i ever proclaim myself as a christian witch, idk.

I dont want to label myself at all. Maybe i dont need any of this. Maybe i just need to play dnd and live vicariously thru my character. Use that shit as therapy. I hear it helps a lot with mental health and social skills. That of which i am verily lacking. I’m just hurting and im pissed off. I dont know why exactly. I just want to do meditation and i wanna buy my crystals and start doing yoga again. This year i have been stretching more. Actually i started on the first of feb. i stretch every day and do vocal exercises to help my voice get more control and deepen it a bit (transmasc).

I am also just a bit overwhelmed at everything. I dont know where to start. All i know is i want to burn incense like i used to growing up bc it always made me happy. And that i only believe in like..... cleansing through these elements and a prayer to God. But i’ve always had faith issues because im so insecure, i never think God will actually help me because maybe i dont deserve it or maybe he just doesnt want to.

I’m also scared im gonna do something wrong or fuck something up. That something bad will happen or something because im dumb. I dont know if i could mix my own herbs that feel right to me, or if i should use a recipe. I feel stupid that i dont have as much faith in prayer as i wish i did, but i have faith that little rocks will help to cleanse negative energy and things like that.

I dont know why im crying, i guess because im so insecure? Or maybe life is just rly hard and i’m overthinking everything. I just feel kinda bad. Yet when my friends tell me theyre praying for me, i do have faith in that and it means the world to me.

I know none of this is a big deal to anyone, and maybe none of it should matter. But im like. Idk. Im very interested in plants and medicines of the earth and shit like i always have been ever since i was young i thought of myself as like. Awakened and shit LOL whatever that means @ 10 year old me. I dont want to feel like anything controls me or owns me, i want to feel like i am in control of my own life and that i could harness the energy around me to not only like bring me peace of mind but to help me through my journey of life.

But i guess my biggest issue is i have no fuckin clue where to start. I hate reading and all this research im trying to do to help myself figure out what i enjoy is just. Making me so fucken overwhelmed. I only read like. 1 blog post and 2 articles and im already losing it. I always grew up w the mindset that God will take care of everything but like. He already has. In my mind. Because he’s already given us all the tools we need. But folks just like. Wanna be lazy and wait for things to happen. Sometimes all u can do is wait but when it comes to like, being THE ONES IN CONTROL, “prayers for america” is dumb as fck.

Idk i dont know anything and its okay to not know right now but i want something more in my life but i want it to be like.... totally personal and i dont want it to be absolutely everything my life revolves around. I want it to just be something i do and that i love. I dont need a label for it. But idk. I just dont know what to do.

If anyone has any sort of advice or is dealing with anything like this i’d love to hear about it. My ask and msgs are open as well. I feel pretty alone right now. Im just patiently waiting for my paycheck tomorrow so i can buy these crystals i rly want. But who knows what it will take to satisfy my hungry soul.

Another problem i rly have honestly is just like. Spending a lot of money on a lot of hobbies. I feel shitty for having so many things i enjoy doing. I try to narrow it down. I havent started embroidery bc i dont wanna spend more money and i feel like i’ll never have enough time to practice. Im just. Mediocre at a lot of things instead of rly super good at one thing. I mean i think im pretty great at drawing but thats about it. But ive been doing that for 10 years so ofc im good at it NOW. But ffs. I wanna do so many things and its overwhelming. I work a minimum wage job and its. I dont have enough money for anything lol so most of my stuff is low-budge† which is fine i guess but. Idk. Im tired. Im sad.

I dont know how to be more spiritual i dont know where to start. And my mind is telling me to slap a label on it or its not anything of value. Which is bullshit. But y’know. Anxiety n shit.

[istheresomebodywhocanimagine]

Because I’m selfish could you do a shipping me with members thing? I’m short, half Greek and Scottish but raised in Australia (yes, I do have an accent) I have really long brown hair and hazel eyes, and I play bass and sing. I love to read and write, and I almost always have headphones on and music blasting. I also am a drama student and I love to act. Thank you so much xxxxx Love your blog btw.

hi! don’t feel selfish for this, i’mma keep it real with you pal - i have asked for several ships before nO SHAME

anyways, in relation to BoRhap - I ship you with Gwilym!!! At first I was going to say Joe, but I think I see you meshing with Gwilym really well:

When Gwilym got cast as Brian in BoRhap, you were the first one he called. First, to break the news. Second, to ask you for a little help brushing up on his skills. He knew you played bass, and it wasn’t exactly lead guitar, but he still wanted to know all of your little tips and pointers in case there was something he could use when he finally met Brian.

In fact, he came over the next day with his guitar, already ready to learn. You were happy to oblige, but you admitted to him early on that you didn’t exactly know how well you’d be able to translate your bass-centered ideas to the guitar.

“What’s different about the two?” he’d asked, seated across from you and leaning forward over his guitar, genuinely interested in what you had to say. He considered you a great mind on the subject.

“Well, the mechanics are similar, you know, as far as that goes, but the fingerings aren’t going to be the same…” you rambled on for a minute, Gwil transfixed by everything you were saying.

After you were done speaking, he’d grinned at you proudly. “You’re brilliant, love.”

He calls you brilliant a lot, actually. It’s his favorite thing to say to you, because of the way your eyes light up when he says it. They are already brimming with all kinds of energy, but after he calls you brilliant - that’s when he’s the most captivated.

You heard that word - brilliant - coming out of his mouth the most often when he was reading over your latest writing, no matter what style it was. Poetry, prose, he loved it all. 

“Can I keep this one?” he’d asked one time, holding up a piece of prose you’d written specifically about him. You grinned and took it back from him, looking over it for a moment.

“What’s so special about this one?” you’d asked as you sat back on the bed, preferring the poem you’d written about him a few months ago much more than this piece. But boy, did he have an answer for you. In fact, you’d never heard someone speak as passionately about something as Gwil would once he got going.

He stood up and gave you a 10 minute speech about why he thought you should let him keep that short story, introduction, body, and conclusion to the speech all included.

“So, can I?” he’d asked after a moment of you sitting there, dumbfounded. He gave you a toothy smile as he sat back down next to you.

“You were definitely born to be an actor,” you mumbled, handing the prose to him and shaking your head in disbelief at how much he’d fought for those two pages of writing. That’d gotten a chuckle out of him, and he peppered the side of your face with kisses before happily taking the story back.

Speaking of acting, Gwil LOVED coming to your performances. He took a whole week off of filming once just so he could see every night of your theater company’s Anything Goes. 

He’d posted a big long paragraph about your performance after opening night, telling all of his loyal followers how brilliant you had been, and how proud he was of you. And, of course, he’d put some sentences in there about how much he loved you and loved going on this journey with you.

And then Joe commented “-Bri” just to make fun of how eerily alike Gwil was to his elder double. Classic Joe.

Now, if we’re talking Queen, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I really think I ship you with Roger - HEAR ME OUT, I have some (probably weak) reasons:

The reason I think you’d caught Roger’s eye before any of the other boys is because of your accent - he’d latched onto it almost immediately after hearing you speaking to Deacon, who had hired you as a bass tech. You were both eagerly discussing some kind of system that Roger hadn’t a clue about, but your voice was like a drug to him.

He’d made a point of inserting himself into the conversation, introducing himself and chastising John a bit.

“How come I haven’t met your friend here sooner?” Roger scolded John playfully, John just laughing and shaking his head.

“This is Y/N, she’s my new tech. I figured I’d introduce her to the most sane members of the band first, but first I have to figure out who those are.”

You’d laughed at that, particularly because of the mock hurt on Roger’s face before he’d reached out to shake your hand, you introducing yourself this time.

“That accent,” he’d had to point out, letting go of your hand, “Where is it from?”

“Australia. What about yours?” you’d countered, noticing a bit of a different lilt to his words than John’s.

Roger scoffed at that, shrugging. “Cornwall. Exciting stuff, eh?”

After that day, he’d always find reasons to come and talk to you, sometimes the reason being no better than him wanting to hear your accent.

The day Roger realized he actually might fancy you was when he’d noticed you writing on one of the off days and asked to see a sneak peek of what you were doing. Roger loved writing songs, and wondered if you had any good material.

You did. In fact, he was thoroughly impressed by your work, and spent the rest of the day work-shopping with you, which spilled over into a late night coffee run before it was time to go hop on the bus to head to the next tour stop.

You were in the coffee shop, talking about what Queen had coming up after this tour, when Roger had redirected the conversation.

“You know, I’ve never asked, what did you study back home?” he’d inquired, curious to see what kind of person you were. He’d pegged you as some sort of major similar to John based on your identical knowledge of his bass, so he was pleasantly surprised when you revealed that you were a drama student. “An actor, huh? That must be why you’re so seemingly interested in all of Brian’s stories. God, explains so much now.”

You had to laugh at that, shaking your head. “No, no, Brian actually has some good stories and knows how to tell them. Now you, on the other hand…” you’d trailed off, Roger recoiling in slight insult at what you’d suggested. 

Someone who could keep up with his humor and insult him while they were at it? You were growing on him quickly.

One thing he always really enjoyed doing once you grew more comfortable around him was (carefully) taking your headphones and listening to a little bit of whatever you were currently listening to.

At first, it annoyed you a bit, but when you realized he was genuinely wanting to pick up on some of your music taste, you allowed it to happen with little to no issue. 

Also, he’d started slipping you song recommendations on tapes of his, labeling them cute things and drawing little smiley faces on them. Though it was difficult to understand his scrawlings sometimes, you cherished those tapes.

While we’re talking about songs, Roger liked to hear you sing. One time, you were trying to explain a part of the song where you thought Deacon wasn’t getting a good sound out of his bass to another tech, and you started singing the chorus part where it started sounding off.

Roger was, for lack of better words, shook.

Like, he loved your voice.

So, clever little gentleman he is, he found a way to start getting you to sing around him more by pretending to hear issues with the bass in the songs they’d play during their sets.

“It was like, it was muted during the last part of the second chorus, you know?” he’d said one time, working his way into it nonchalantly. “Like, the part where, you know, Fred goes, ‘and I love the things…’“ he’d trailed off, pretending not to remember the next part.

You thought for a moment, then you sang in a soft voice just to clarify.  “And I love the things, I really love the things that you do, oh, you’re my best friend? That part?”

“Yeah, yeah!” he’d say, smiling and pointing at you like you were a genius for remembering the simplest lyrics in the whole set.

You caught on after a few times of false alarms from him, but you let him keep believing that he had you right where he wanted you. It was honestly really cute that he’d go through so much work to hear you sing, even if he didn’t necessarily need to try that hard.

(But don’t tell him that, for God’s sake.)

[rawdoggingcardinals]

Tagged by @sidewalk-scrawls i am never tagged in things thank uuu

Fav color: like a bright lime green :)))

Last song: Life (Paradise Denied) by bury tomorrow it is....so good i am so excited for their next album :))

Last series: wwdits i am not caught up completely with the latest eps but ill be catching up tomorrow :))

Currently reading: The Only Good Indians by Steven Graham Jones, its a horror novel involving ghost elk and mysterious deaths, and it touches on racism and issues native american peoples face too. Im trying to finish it but ive been so busy i havent had time to just sit and read lately

Last movie: Scream (2022) its actually very good especially if you like campy self aware horror

Currently working on: i have so much stuff to do for this upcoming horror con i signed up for so im desperately working on stuff whenever i have the energy to paint and draw lol, i have to get A Lot of things ordered though 💀💀💀💀

I am supposed to tag people but i have no idea who id tag so mutuals take this as an open invite to talk abt urselves!!

[kosmicdream]

Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i  try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that! 

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno? 

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds. 

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading

[butterscotch-cookie]

How come you disappear for a random amount of days and then post 1 thing and then leave again? Not trying to be mean, just wondering.

Depression and stress mostly

When you have depression you tend to have a lot more ‘off days’ where you just dont feel yourself and want to sleep forever. And i still have school and edgenuity. Also, in school we’re looking at what courses and electives to do for next year so thats got me a bit worked up because ive never CHOSEN my own classes before.

Psats are happening on wednesday for juniors so anyone not doing that is allowed to stay home so thats nice. A few more weeks after that and we have another break. After break its about a month n a half before summer vacation so ill be more open then hopefully.

But all of this stuff results in me being too tired or lazy to write or just getting writers block entirely. I also havent been able to draw as much because of the same reasons. I try my best to do what i can but sometimes i just get completely stuck and i cant do anything but wait it out. I have a record of posting smth, disappearing for some time, and then posting another thing and disappearing again.

Theres some days when i feel better and more hyped and those are days i can get more than 1 piece of writing or art done. Speaking of which, another reason i dont post as much and disappear for days on end. Its rare i can do more than 1 or 2 things in a day because it takes up all my energy. So i have to make a choice. Spend my energy writing for someone on the internet, or spend my energy doing something i enjoy more (I really love writing but some things are above it).

Im both sorry and not sorry i cant be writing here everyday. Im sorry because i hate to keep people waiting, especially when im one of the few exclusive fluff writers. But im also not sorry because i need time for myself or ill get too overwhelmed again and again and again. I write when i want to. Not when other people want me to.

Creators feel more inclined to NOT do something the more people push them to. Thats why i ask people to not do that to me. I love to write and dont like being pushed away from it, especially if its a fandom im hyperfixated on. Its really discouraging because it seems like people only care about the content rather than the creator. We arent here to serve your every whim and demand. Luckily for me, it hasnt happened at all yet, ive had people tell me to rest instead and im super grateful. I love communities who take care of each other like that so im glad to be apart of it and im glad i get to write for them.

[zerobotic]

im finally finding the capacity again to work on some oc stuff that i havent been able to do anything with in ages

and it’s got me realizing some things and feeling some kinda way about my own situation

(which, really, moving across the country a few weeks ago and being in a drastically different situation is the whole reason im even starting to find the ability to work on oc stuff again. it’s all interconnected. especially this particular oc’s story, it’s always been more a meter of my own situation than the rest. for a while there i thought maybe i’d left it behind, that my circumstances had changed enough it wasn’t a reflection of my life in the same way anymore, but im realizing now that my inability to do anything with it or figure out what i want from it anymore has been a reflection, itself.)

there was a period of my life that was really good, where i was happy for probably the first time in my life, and i managed to do a lot of healing and growth there, and then i had to leave and go back to the circumstances that had made healing necessary in the first place. it took me a while to deal with the immediate emotional backlash from that, but i dont think i ever realized, til it came time for me to move again, just how much grief i was still carrying over it in the years since then. moving again made it that much more real that there’s never any going back to a home that hasn’t existed in a long time. so i got blindsided by that recently. and now, finding the headspace for this oc’s story again for the first time in a very long while, i’m realizing that that part of my life is a major inspiration i’m wanting to draw from for this, and it’s making me angry that it’s all in the past. that i can’t look back and find more of that inspiration and what i have doesnt feel like enough, like the impact it left on me, the shape of it in my mind, isn’t adequately conveyed by the memories i’m left with. that i’m trying to capture something for this oc i can’t ever go back to, that an old snapshot is all i have to build from, for both this oc and myself. that so much of myself is still built on memories from 2011 to 2015 that won’t ever change or grow or be something new ever again. that i dont know how to get back to a place, mentally, where i can heal and move forward and be happy like that again. i lost it when i had to go back to blending in with my family again for six years.

the fact that i’m even having this discussion with myself is a sign that something is changing, but...god. it’s so much harder the second time, when you’ve already known something better and lost it. 

....all that said, i’m so fucking glad to be gradually getting back to a place where i can sink energy into oc stuff again, ive missed it dearly. maybe i’ll even be able to start drawing or writing again

[the-raining-witch]

Custom Magick Alphabet

Alright so a while ago I made this post sharing a magick alphabet I had made but I didn’t explain how it works or how to use it. Ive been using it for spells a while now and its worked wonderfully for me, so I decided its probably time I shared so see what other people think.

Please excuse the poor quality images, I ran out of the fancy paper I used before.

Some of the symbols were based on Elder Futhark runes, simply because that’s the magick alphabet I am most familiar with, but all their meanings are independent of that. There are 24 symbols in total and each represents either a concept or an action. These symbols are meant to be used in the form of a board (and usually not actual writing, though they can be used that way) like this image. These boards act as sigils in a way, but their creation is much more systematic. On the boards the actions you wish to happen are simply depicted. In the one linked, for example, the symbol for self is in the center and the symbols meant to represent an increase in energy flow are heading away from it (arrows beside some symbols show directions they can point which show meaning) into the outward facing symbol for the projection of the image which are accented with the symbol for air (this is an old example and I may have changed the meanings of some symbols since then, if I were to make this now I would use either creation/light or fire in place of air), that same symbol is then used to flesh out the corners of the design and surround the whole board (symmetry and fullness looks nice and so I think it helps me connect with what Ive made better). So this means an image of the self is projected and the type of image that it is is shown in that last symbol (fire would represent passion, or light may be any shining quality). So this is a glamour to seems attractive.

This is the basis for making any symbol board. To imbue meaning into the symbols so that they do exactly what you want, you simply need to use visualization or energy work. I usually trace my finger or a wand along the way energy is shown to flow in the board and see the energy of those symbols acting the ways I want it to. 

But there’s a lot of flexibility here, for example in how you represent a person. Three methods are shown here:

In the third image an entity/ person/ proper noun is represented using the symbol for the earth. You can either have this mean whoever is holding the board, someone you visualize, or a name written elsewhere.

The second image has no earth symbol, but rather a name is written vertically in the center of the board, with energy flowing to and from the upper symbol. Doing this with a last and first name is ideal, and is used to represent specific people.

The first image is similar to the second, but a symbol for earth/self is placed above the names (on the left and right).

To use written names and not have the individual symbols mean anything and effect the board, just dont include them in the energy flow when charging/ visualizing the intent, rather treat them as one symbol which represents a specific person.

Now usually I dont just draw these boards on stuff, they’re the inner mechanism of things (for me at least). Rather, I make these: (warning, they’re not very pretty)

Written inside of these paper constructions are the boards. The paper is cut to remove extra pieces, folded, stuffed with herbs which correspond with the intent, sealed with wax whose color corresponds to what its doing, and finally the full name of the target is written vertically on the font with the magick alphabet, though I obscured the name in this image (here the first name is in the center and last name is written twice on either side).

I then usually give the target the item to keep near them.

Ive had amazing results with this method, and I havent even figured out all the different ways the symbols could be used together yet! I wanted to see if anyone had any other ideas how this could be used? Unique views always help drive inspiration. And even if not, feel free to use this method or alphabet if you enjoy it!

Heres the alphabet with the sounds next to each symbol:

[moon-boat]

hey isa... just wanted to ask a question about art in general. i’ve been p depressed the last few years, and now i’m in my junior year of high school. i’ve always loved drawing, but i’ve had no creative drive since like middle school and i think it’s because of my depression. i know you’ve been through a lot lately but you’re trying to get back into your art, and i was wondering what helps with that? i just dislike my art so much now and i don’t know where to begin. ty isa, sending good vibes :)

hi anon! im really sorry to hear that depression is getting in the way of something you love to do. i know that struggle all too well. theres so many things you can do to try to get back on that art train, and even im still trying to figure that out. people sent me some really nice advice through my ask box which i will post after this so you can take a look at too! they are quite helpful and diverse! ill tag them as #tips

ill put this under read more because i wrote a lot uou

one thing you can do is to try to keep yourself busy with other things while you try to find the inspiration to draw again. watch a lot of movies, rewatch your favorite animes, try out a new hobby, look at all your favorite artists  and even look at new art that is completely different from what you do can spark a new flame! i find that i think too hard when it comes to drawing, and i havent tried this method before, but sometimes getting a piece of paper and going crazy with it can help release some tension and stress on you. doodling like crazy, using colors that you love, cutting the paper, adding more paper on top of it, sewing into it and just have at it until you feel like you created the messy ass work of art that is just the embodiment of how you feel can clean off your slate. 

one thing im trying to do is to find why i like drawing in the first place. thats going to involve a long journey of self discovery and figuring yourself out as a person, but sometimes going back to your roots can really help you get started again. i think i like drawing because i like making people feel things when they look at my stuff. i like making people happy. and i like to make people feel as if they arent alone with their negative thoughts. i like to make people feel good! i also like to express myself. i like that i can use art to express how i feel and it doesnt matter if no one else doesnt understand it, i made it for myself and to try to understand myself more. and i like having the ability to help others understand me more. i dont think im good with words but i always thought that i had an easier time of expressing myself when it came to art. so yea. that was kind of all over the place! it can be different for everyone! and remember: the reason has to be what makes YOU happy. not what makes others happy (that contradicts my reason for drawing but it makes me happy when others are happy so <:3c)

i bought a new sketchbook to experiment with too! trying not to think so hard when it comes to drawing, just doodling whatever comes to you and not worrying about trying to create a finished masterpiece. treat your sketchbook like a diary. (that can be hard though x_x im struggling with that) oh! finding artist videos on youtube can help! ill link a few in a separate post!

also trying to change your lifestyle and life can really make a great impact. ive struggled very badly with depression and found that every time i change things up (rearranging my room, gathering up the energy to go out and explore the whats beyond my door, talking to new people whether it be online or irl) it makes me feel more refreshed and gives me new experience to apply to my drawings. maybe even taking an art workshop or quick art class of anything you desire can help! ill be attempting that too. remember to take care of yourself too.

of course this is all very difficult to do when your depression eats you whole and has you chained up for most of your life. everyone deals with depression in their own way and everyone has different ways of healing. unfortunately i dont know what can work for you, but i really hope i was able to help a little;;; i know i was all over the place ;v; i hope i didnt confused you. ill be wishing the best for you anon and i hope you can start loving drawing again <3 take good care of yourself. if you ever need more help, my ask box is always open :)