#its okay though he's got a few iq points to spare

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

The Librarians S03E03 And the Reunion of Evil.

[bigskydreaming]

thehollowprince said: And I also stand by the opinion that they could have just done a solo run of the O5 X-Men starting a new timeline with the information they got from the future.

thehollowprince said: Its not like Marvel doesn’t constantly do AUs and retcons

OMG Josh you have no idea how bad I wanted this. They could’ve done SO MUCH with that concept. Letting the 05 keep their foreknowledge and the world they could have created with that?

They could’ve averted the initial Krakoan mission and saved Darwin, Gabe, Petra and Sway in the first place. They could have all been X-Men from their Day One, Scott and Alex would have actually gotten to KNOW their brother and Gabe quite possibly would never have gone full Dark Side despite the writers apparently now seeming obsessed with the idea there’s just something innately bad within Gabe that’s always destined to bear fruit at some point, ugh, whatever, like who do you think you are, Kant?

They could’ve recruited the Giant Size X-Men lineup earlier, and saved John Proudstar, who side by side with his brother Jamie, are a force to be reckoned with. 

They could have convinced Pietro and Wanda to join them instead of the Avengers and been like no but seriously that way lies nothing but shitty storylines and bad decisions that will be blamed on you by your teammates despite the fact that any and all of the bad decisions that were ACTUALLY yours could have been averted if any of your teammates were capable of functioning as an actual support system. Come join us. We have actual support systems, except for the times when we don’t, but we recruited Deadpool to break the fourth wall and he and Logan are currently cutting through the ranks of every writer who would write as hating and fighting each other instead of being a loving fucking family goddammit.

Jean could have faced the Phoenix head-on when the time for that came, using her knowledge of the future not to fear an inevitable death, but rather to know she had nothing TO fear, that the power to not control this force, but just be ONE with it, with no NEED to control it or be controlled by it, a symbiotic union, two beings in harmony deciding on courses of action together. The Phoenix’s innate powers and prerogative of rebirth and destruction tempered by Jean’s mercy, aimed and focused by Jean’s reason, the double-edged sword that is fire capable of warming homes or destroying them completely combined with Jean’s conscience guiding it to use its power for the former rather than the latter.

They could have stopped the Legacy Virus from getting out and killing millions as well as spared us from migraines induced by an AIDS metaphor so shitty at being a metaphor most people forget it was literally written to be an AIDS metaphor.

The body swap would never have happened and Kwannon could have joined the X-Men as a full member from the time she was introduced, rather than dragged along in the wake of Betsy’s tangled storylines for a couple decades.

They could have stopped Fitzroy from killing the Hellions. Hell, if they train Illyana early enough and have her mentored by Wanda who is perfectly fucking competent when left to her own devices, then like, maybe they can even take a jaunt to the future to save Fitzroy from dying in the first place and being resurrected with no soul. Not gonna lie, ever since then I’ve kinda been seriously interested in what the hell would a hero version of Trevor freaking Fitzroy even BE like, y’know? Call it morbid fascination, but like. I kinda want it, guys. LOL.

Add to that note, they could have taken another jaunt to the future and rescued Rachel from being made into a Hound by Ahab. Through the power of some convoluted plot tangle I just made up for convenience, Scott still ends up in a relationship with Maddy briefly, in one of those self-fulfilling prophecy type things where he went into it with the full intention of just averting the future and saving Maddy from her fate as the Goblyn Queen, but somehow ended up in a love triangle with a very alive Jean and Maddy who is fully informed of Sinister’s shenanigans and quite displeased with that asshole, and look, I don’t know how all of this goes exactly, but let’s cut to the chase, my only real endgame with this is making sure that Nate’s born properly, saved from Apocalypse and the techno-virus by the combined efforts of Scott, Maddy and Jean as well as Uncles Warren, Bobby and Hank, and Jean calls up the Phoenix through some psychic bond or whatever and is like hey girl, can I hit you up for a loan real quick? Got some losers that need toasting. 

And in this AU the Phoenix totally has her back, and one brief cosmic power-up and gratuitous Sailor Moon transformation later, Jean glows and intones some epic one-liners with appropriate gravitas, and then just punts both Apocalypse and Sinister to the far side of the universe, never to be seen or heard from again. They like, hit a black hole on the way there I guess. It was very sad. Violin strings may commence with the requiem. Okay that’s enough, they can stop now.

So then through the plot contrivances of fuck you, I said so, Scott and Maddy ultimately part amicably and Scott and Jean get back together and the three of them civilly co-parent both baby Nate and Rachel, as Maddy keeps the healing powers she gained as Anodine and stays with the X-Men for her own reasons.

The telepaths are all better trained by the expertise Jean gained in her powers while in the future, so the next time the Shadow King comes bumming around looking to cause chaos, Betsy, Emma and Jean just look at each other and laugh and say nuh-uh before psychically squishing him into a marble.

Warren never becomes Archangel. Onslaught isn’t a thing. They make nice with Magneto and say okay you may have a couple points, let’s discuss. Bishop arrives in the past for reasons totally unrelated to his original story, has no traitor to seek out among the X-Men, and thus he and Gambit end up besties in complete defiance of that stupid fucking story and because I just think they’re neat together. Yes I said neat. Gambit and Bishop are just neat. Deal with it. 

Bishop still hates that Fitzroy guy though, he’s like, I don’t even know what it is about that guy, he just rubs me the wrong way, even though Fitzroy is not evil here and has always done good with his powers, which are channeled through a device Forge made him that lets him just absorb life force from a wide range around him, spread out and diluted enough that its like, the grass feels weird for a second, like whoa what even was that, and then its over. Actually, y’know what, scratch that. Fitzroy’s powers are stupid and unnecessary the way they are now anyway, so fuck it, this Fitzroy doesn’t need life force or whatever, he’s just a dude who makes time portals. He’s like Illyana with green hair and that ugly goatee. Hey I said this Fitzroy was non-evil, not that he was perfect.

Bobby’s out and proud since he was sixteen, and with actual competence and proficiency with his powers, which make him a Literal Unkillable Gay Icon, he’s an inspiration to LGBTQ+ teens everywhere and inspires other gay, bi and trans heroes to come out. He’s a big brother figure to all the baby gays that later join the X-Men, like, Rictor comes to him for advice back during the time equivalent to early X-Factor, when Rictor’s a trying-too-hard sixteen year old who thought college age Bobby was like the coolest, which is valid, because X-Factor Bobby was like A+ Bobby characterization and deserves more reads. 

So Rictor comes out earlier as well, and by the time they even meet Shatterstar, instead of a slow burn friends to roommates to lovers scenario, Rictor takes one look at the love of his life and wastes no time coming out swinging with an absolutely terrible pick up line. Look, I said his big brother figure Bobby was out and proud in this AU, not that he magically had a better sense of humor. Some things just don’t change, y’know? Luckily, Shatterstar is a weirdo, and thus he finds terrible pick-up lines charming. At least when its Rictor saying them. They walk off for a first date, already practically hand in hand, voices fading into the distance as Rictor asks “By the way, have you met Dazzler yet? According to Bobby, apparently she’s your mom. That Longshot dude with the mullet over there is your dad I guess. We should go say hi.”

Hank gets an assistant hand-picked by the rest of the original X-Men, and who has one job and one job only. To follow him around and observe all his experiments, and he has veto power over experiments that People With IQs As High As Yours Should Know Better But I Guess You’ve Got Reed Richards Syndrome.

Hank’s like, “Hmm, if I built a time machine I could go back to the Jurassic Period and observe whether my theory of - “

Hank’s assistant: “Veto.”

“Damn. Okay I was also thinking of making a deep space communicator that can reach into the farthest reaches of space beyond any known civilization and just say hi, y’know? See if anyone’s out there.”

“Veto.”

“If I combine these genetically modified antibodies here with this strain of of DNA from - “

“Veto.”

“Well Forge built this device that does this to mutant powers but I think I can make it do - “

“Veto.”

“These nanobots I - “

“VETO,”

“Honestly, at this point I think you’re just saying that just because you like saying it.”

“Dr. McCoy, I promise you, I’m really, really not.”

Logan finds out about his future clan of stabby children, and seeks them out. He rescues Daken from Romulus, somebody stabs that loser with the immortal-killing sword, I don’t even care who, and after a few tense months of Logan trying too hard, he and Daken eventually bond over how hockey just isn’t violent enough. If you’re going to make a sport all about hitting each other, just really go for it or don’t even bother, y’know? Logan claps him on the shoulder and sniffs. That’s my boy. Then they find and rescue Laura and Gabby and take a road trip to Earth 1610 to pick up Jimmy. They have a house on campus, and new students walking by it are used to hearing loud growling and even howls. They were assured during orientation that that’s nothing to worry about, it just means the House of Snikt are watching a game and are rooting for opposing sides. 

Emma’s recruited practically the day they get back. She’s only just started at the Hellfire Club and has only done a tiny bit of Evil when Warren schedules an appointment with her, and then he, Scott and Jean make a better pitch than Shaw and his ilk could ever match. They’ve been to the future. Come join with us and we’ll give you an all access pass to memories detailing exactly what’s going to happen in these particular areas and many more. All you have to do is ask. Oh and also please don’t seduce any married teammates. Its bad form. To be honest, I don’t think it’ll be an issue because Deadpool assures us Morrison has been taken care of, and don’t worry if that makes no sense to you, its a head-scratcher for us to. Just roll with it. 

Nate ages normally here so its not like he ends up besties with forty year old Wade, but the latter having his own plot-contrived knowledge of the future because He’s Just Like That, decides that he won’t be denied at least SOME kind of bond with The Bestie That Wasn’t. He becomes Nate’s official babysitter. Well, not official, seeing as how Scott, Jean and Maddy don’t hire him and are very clear that their son is not to be left alone with this man at any time, he is a terrible influence and he keeps giving our kid guns. But then Wade just shows up anytime they’re out because he just has a sixth sense for Making Trouble, and he terrifies away whatever babysitter’s there and greets the returning and exasperated parents with a cheery wave. 

“I know what you’re going to say, but don’t worry, we didn’t do anything dangerous or against the law. All we did today was I taught him to make bombs, but we were very careful, we wore safety goggles and really, they were very little bombs. Not even anything atomic. I honestly don’t think any of them could have even blown up this whole house, and I’ve been meaning to say, I’m not impressed with the structural integrity of this place. Couldn’t you have picked something with a sturdier foundation? Its like you don’t even expect random space mercenaries to attack your place out of the blue every other month. Have any of you even read a single issue of your own comics?”

Scott’s jaw twitches Ominously. Wade starts gathering up his things. Jean rubs her forehead wearily.

“Wade, what do you even think ‘dangerous’ means?”

Wade pauses and cocks his head. Gives it a solid twenty seconds of thought. Then he shrugs. 

“I don’t know actually. Don’t think I’ve ever really thought about it. I always figured it was just one of those things people just say. Like, ‘oh, it looks like rain today,’ even if they’re not a forecaster and have no real meteorological credentials to speak of. ‘Oh, this mission will be dangerous,’ and I don’t even have to use up all my ammo and I only get shot twice. Y’know?”

“Leave,” Scott says. More like intones. House shakes a little bit but that might just be Wade’s imagination. Its very active.

“Leaving!” He says hastily. He jumps through the closed window and then teleports away amid the falling shower of broken glass. Why didn’t he do that while he was still inside the room? No one knows. Not even Wade knows. Why did the chicken cross the road? Who the fuck cares, now is it Original Recipe or Crispy?

Scott, Jean and Maddy search the house while Nate angelically claims they won’t find anything, Wade doesn’t even bring him cool stuff anymore cuz he knows you’ll just take it.

Maddy finds a high-tech laser space gun under a floorboard in the closet. She holds it up with one eyebrow raised pointedly. Scott and Jean flank her and their own eyebrows raise in solidarity. Well Jean’s does. Scott’s probably does but its hard to tell sometimes. Depends on what glasses or visor he’s wearing.

“That was already there,” Nate tries. Most powerful telepath and telekinetic in the world, but the kid can’t lie for shit. There’s not much point in trying when one of your moms is the freaking Phoenix, and that’s a skill that takes practice he just doesn’t have. 

The three sets of parental eyebrows make a V, judgingly.

“One month of no video games or TV?” Okay, so terrible liar but quick on his feet. At least he knows when he’s beat and jumps straight to trying to shape his own punishment proactively.

“Two months. And no flying lessons either,” Jean says. “And don’t pout at me, young man. You know the rules. No weapons inside the house unless your grandpa Corsair is visitng and we’re too tired to fight him on keeping knives under his pillow. This is a Do As We Say, Not As We Do house. Deal with it. Now, this is going with the others and you can have it back when you’re eighteen.”

It would have been three months, but Jean and Maddy caught a telepathic sniff from Scott. He’s just so proud of his kid thinking so tactically. He’s growing up so fast. Both women mentally roll their eyes. Why is he like this.

“I don’t see what the big deal is anyway,” Nate sulks. “Its just a stupid laser gun. I mean, Uncle Gabe blew up our last house with his brain.” 

“Yes and it was an accident and he feels absolutely terrible about that which is why we’re not going to bring it up when he and Armando come visit this weekend, right?”

“You can have my full compliance for two weeks off my sentence.”

“Or we can have your full compliance or two weeks will be added to your sentence,” Maddy says.

“You guys suck,” declares the ten year old vessel of near unlimited psychic might. He goes to his room, stomping all the way up the stairs so his grievances can be heard even by the House of Snikt next door. Course, they’ve already been listening to the whole thing with their enhanced hearing. There was nothing good on TV. Jimmy made popcorn and chewed with his mouth open just to piss off Daken. 

‘The second Father leaves the room, I am going to stab you in such a slow healing place you’ll still be bleeding at bed time.’ Daken mouths at his little brother from another universe. Jimmy scrunches his face in confusion. 

‘What?’ He mouths back. He’s terrible at reading lips. Or anything that isn’t skateboarding, really. And yet Father’s so happy that ‘at least one of my kids is content with stupid normal stuff and doesn’t go around drawing cover fire just because a mission is going so well its boring and they haven’t even gotten to pop their claws out yet.’

“That’s only because you’ve coddled him. He’s barely ever even been shot at. Just the one time on vacation in Majipoor and he wasn’t even the target, the assassin was aiming for me. If you would just let me take him on a proper outing to gain some real experience - “

“Not gonna happen.” Logan shuts that down real quick.

“Really Father, just look at him. He has zero situational awareness. I’ve been glaring a hole in the back of his head for a full minute now and he has no idea. That could just as easily be an actual laser scope, you know. He’s a disgrace to the whole family.”

“Daken, we’ve been over this,” Logan says firmly. “You have your sisters to bond with over gratuitous violence. Leave your brother alone. I don’t want anyone traumatizing him until trauma finds him all on its own. It’ll happen sooner or later, he’s as much a part of this family as anyone and that means its as good as done already, so there’s no need to hurry it along. If later on he decides he’s got a taste for it, you can take him on all the outings to get shot at that you want. But he’s gotta figure it out for himself first, and he doesn’t need his big brother being the one who introduces him to all that. He idolizes you, you know.”

Daken scoffs. He can’t even get the brat to chew with his mouth closed.

“He cut his hair from that style he liked so much, just because you hated it so much,” Logan says obliviously. Daken nods like he’s conceding the argument and hastens from the room while he can still keep his mouth shut. It won’t benefit anyone at this point to tell their father that Jimmy really only cut his hair because Daken told him he would set it on fire if he didn’t. 

Ugh, families are the worst. Don’t even get him started on Laura stealing some of his clothes to wear without asking. And then has the gall to yell back at him when he yells “Silk! Its the finest cut of silk! Does that mean nothing to you?” at her.

“Oh get over it. Its not like I asked for killer robots to interrupt my date.”

“Of course they were going to interrupt your date with that Julian boy. I keep telling you, he’s a magnet for trouble. I can tell. I’m one too, remember?”

“Fine, whatever, you’re right and I should just expect every date with Julian from now until the end of time to end with fire and disaster.”

“Well now you’re being melodramatic. There’s no way that boy makes it past twenty five. He doesn’t even have a healing factor.”

“Why do you hate him so much anyway? If you’d just give him a chance - “

“What are you talking about? I give him a chance every single time he’s here and I don’t kill him.”

“Ugh, I can’t even talk to you when you’re like this. You always do this, you just decide on something and then you commit to that like the fate of the world depends on you standing firm on what’s usually a completely arbitrary decision in the first place!”

Daken sniffs. “I can assure you, there’s absolutely nothing arbitrary about my disdain for the Keller boy.”

“His name is Julian,” Laura enunciates with a glare.

“I don’t care,” Daken enunciates with an expression of lofty superiority.

“You two are so dumb,” Gabby says from the end of the hallway. They both turn identical glares on her. They’d noticed her arrive several minutes ago but they weren’t about to be distracted from their battle of wills. “Laura, you know Daken isn’t actually going to kill Julian. He doesn’t do that anymore except for really bad people sometimes and he just talks about stabbing people or killing them cuz he thinks he’s funny and then he gets all pissy because nobody ever gets that he doesn’t really mean it. He doesn’t even hate Julian and he used to be fine with him before he started dating you, its just he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you.”

Daken frowns at the petite would-be peacemaker. Meddlesome toddler. “What are you even babbling about? None of that is remotely true.”

Gabby rolls her eyes up at her brother from her much lower height. She taps the side of her nose with emphasis. “You do know we all have the same abilities to smell and analyze scents as you do, right? And you know everything you can tell from peoples’ scent, right? Of course I’m right, I can smell it as clear as anything and so can Jimmy and Dad and we actually all know this and talk about it all the time, and its why Dad never actually gets mad at you for talking about killing people because he can smell you’re saying it just cuz you’re used to saying it but really you’re too marshmallowy on the inside now to do half the stuff you claim you’re gonna do. Hate to break it to you bro, but you’re a closet softie and you’ve been made. The nose doesn’t lie. Only reason Laura doesn’t know it is because you piss her off like its your favorite hobby and its probably impossible for her to smell anything beyond her own scent of Royally Pissed Off.”

Ugh. Meddlesome insightful toddler. Who asked for her intervention anyway? Daken crosses his arms in a way that’s decidedly aloof and not at all sulking.

Laura’s staring at their sister assessingly. “That’s really what you think is going on? And Jimmy and Dad think so too? You’re not just saying all that?”

Gabby bats her eyes up at them. “Would I lie to you?”

“Yes,” Laura says without missing a beat.

“Without a shadow of a doubt,” Daken says dryly, right on her heels.

“For the sake of a candy bar,” Laura adds, because that really did happen.

“Or just boredom, because god forbid you pick up another hobby that isn’t just Chaos.”

“This from the guy who only has fun when there’s blood and bullets flying about,” Gabby fires back from a position of petite petulance.

Daken smirks down at her. “Didn’t you just say I don’t really mean it when I say all of that?”

Gabby narrows her eyes. “Touché. My own words thrown back at me. I am undone.”

“Yes, well - “

Daken’s cut off as Jimmy chooses that moment to walk past them down the hallway to the bathroom. He’s laughing and shaking his head.

“You guys are both so dumb. She plays you like this all the time, and you never see it.”

“Silence, mortal!” Gabby thunders at their brother menacingly. The effect is somewhat diminished by the fact that she can’t hit a baritone note to save her life.

“No, I’m interested in hearing what he has to say,” Daken says coolly. “For once. This is a moment without precedent and one unlikely to occur again, so let’s explore it a bit.”

Jimmy sighs and shakes his head without ever losing that amused smirk. “Had to tack on that last part, didn’t you. Just couldn’t help yourself.”

“I am a faithful student of the Truth,” Daken says, matching his brother smirk for smirk.

“The point, Jimmy?” Laura prods aggressively before that can erupt into a wholly separate thing she wants no part of.

“Oh, right.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Its kinda her thing with you two when you get like this. You pick a fight with Laura, Laura gets pissed off and succumbs to the family curse of Tunnel Vision at the Worst Possible Time, and you both go back and forth endlessly and like you have all the time in the world for your stupid tete a tete, because on account of you both being practically unkillable and immortal, you kinda do and you know it. And then whenever she gets bored of listening to you two, Gabby swoops in and draws both of your attention until you’re both so focused on being annoyed with her you don’t even realize you’re actually side by side agreeing with each other, and she keeps it up just long enough til she’s sure she can just say she’s bored now and just leave the room, leaving you both annoyed and frustrated by a fight you can’t even claim to have won because she really just kinda...left, in the middle of it, and you’re so focused on that, you’ve totally forgotten to be pissed at each other. And by the time you do remember, like, the moment has passed and peace has been returned to the kingdom. Or at least as peaceful as this place ever gets.”

Daken stares at his mistake of a brother in the hopes that if he stalled long enough, his senses would arrive at a different conclusion. But nope. Scents don’t lie, unlike baby sis, apparently. He’s telling the truth. And Daken really does not....care for that conclusion.

Gabby stamps her foot and glares up at their brother.

“You are such a tattletale. I am providing a service, by keeping this family free of these two constantly at each others throats, and how is that service repaid? With betrayal! I hate you, you’re dead to me. Never speak to me again or at least not until I’ve stopped being mad at you, but that could be like ten years or something, I don’t even know right now.”

She draws up to her full height and squares her shoulders as she thunders this Mighty Mouse style at the still laughing Jimmy. Then, seeing she’d yet to make a dent in his armor of amusement and he was failing to take her pronouncement seriously, she punctuated her declaration by spitting on their brother’s shoe. Daken’s eyebrows shoot up again, this time in amusement of his own. Gabby then spins around on her heel and stalks off down the hallway, muttering more dire threats under her breath as she goes, the sound of them nonetheless carrying clearly to three siblings with enhanced hearing of their own. And apparently, little sis could be quite creative. Who knew she’d been hiding such talent?

Jimmy barely even notices; he’s still staring down at his shoe.

“Dude, you spit on me! That’s so not cool.”

“Some things need to be expressed so strongly, mere words will not suffice,” Daken says loftily, savoring a slightly renewed sense of superiority.

One quickly dashed, of course, because apparently he just can’t have anything.

“Bold words from the seventy year old who needed the sixteen year old to clue him in he’s being regularly manipulated by the twelve year old,” Jimmy fires back. As a return volley, its obnoxiously effective, and Daken’s still grinding his teeth and searching for an adequate rejoinder as Jimmy just grins even wider and then strolls off down the hallway as well. Whistling either an absolutely hideous song or else proof that he’s absolutely hideous at whistling. Tough call. With him it could be either.

Daken and Laura both stare after him in silence as he rounds the corner and disappears, leaving only the lingering scent of smugness in his wake. Daken hates the scent of smugness. It has a particularly....cloying feel to it. Well not his of course. But everyone else’s, especially little brothers? Acrid is the only word adequate for that.

“Sometimes I really do want to stab him. Just a little bit. And I’m not even lying,” Daken says. Laura just nods, her own nose scrunched up in distaste as well.

“Honestly? Me too.”

Brother and sister enjoy the rare moment of solidarity.

“You know what’s really bugging me?” Laura says suddenly, still staring off down the hallway. Daken turns an inquiring eye on her, prompting elucidation. She frowns.

“Where the hell did he learn a phrase like tete a tete? I mean. Its Jimmy.”

Daken does know what she means, and frowns as the nagging awareness of that leaps from his sister to himself like memetic chain lightning.

“And he used it correctly. That’s....unexpected.”

“Sometimes I wonder if maybe he’s not as completely airheaded as he pretends, and the fact that he’s got everyone so convinced of that actually means he’s running circles around the rest of us,” Laura says. She shrugs. “Of course, then I have to question everything and who has that kind of time and also the very idea of genius mastermind Jimmy disturbs me on a deeply visceral level. So then I just. Stop doing that.”

Daken nods and sighs. “Sometimes, that’s all you can do.”

“Okay, this is annoying. I kinda still want to fight, but now fighting with you feels kinda anticlimactic. Ugh, siblings are the worst,” Laura declares with a glower. “They ruin everything.”

“On that, we can agree. With allowances for temporary occasions of some of them being bearable,” Daken says. “Some.”

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve never said to me, big brother,” Laura says lightly. Daken swiftly scowls but she holds up a hand to forestall any rebuttal. “Sorry, don’t mean to ruin the moment. I’m thinking about how else we can put all that frustrated energy to good use. Wanna go pick a fight with the Summers’ kids?”

A slow smile spreads across Daken’s face. “Well now. Finally, a family outing I can get behind. I believe that’s precisely what we need right now. Care to lead the way?”

He still hates her boyfriend, of course, but he supposes he can let that be. 

For now, at least.

[cruciblle]

                 *･ﾟﾟ･*  𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚘 .

UNREDACTED  CASE  FILE  NO.  663762-XDL.  records  show  that  agent  bellitudo,  given  name  SANNE  SAEDI  SONG,  was  last  seen  in  reykjavik  on  october  1st,  2019.  psych  eval  describes  them  as  hubristic  and  incensed  but  otherwise  fit  for  service  at  the  maenads  agency.  at  twenty,  they  have  been  recruited  as  a  junior  agent  for  the  nine  months.  associations  include:  the  most  sinister  intentions  hidden  behind  the  prettiest  works  of  art,  plucking  an  ant  from  its  safe,  isolated  community  to  give  it  a  life  it  didn’t  ask  for  &  crimson  covered  palms  from  digging  sharp  nails  into  the  flesh.      -      kim  doyeon,  cis  female,  she  /  her  .

okay  ,  hi  everyone  ,  i'm  lit  rally  so  excited  for  this  i  have  no  other  words  to  say  .  i'm  cc  from  the  cst  tz  &  i've  been  dying  to  play  sanne  for  months  now  ,  but  i've  never  found  the  correct  place  to  bring  her  ?  anyway  ,  this  is  really  long  &  winded  &  dramatic  &  stuff  so  pls  ,,  if  u  wanna  skip  to  the  tl;dr  pls  do  .  like  this  &  i'll  slide  into  ur  messages  ,  but  love  u  all  !

𝓲.     𝚊𝚋𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚐𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝   .

full   name   :   sanne   saedi   song   /   성 새디 age   :  twenty gender   /   pronouns   :  cis gendered   female   /   she / hers sexuality   :  pansexual  /  panromantic hometown   :  unknown codename :  bellitudo   ,   beauty   in   latin position :  junior  agent  faceclaim :  kim  doyeon 

fun facts : knows  five  languages  (  english  ,  korean  ,  swedish  ,  arabic  &  chinese  )    &   is   in   the   process   of   learning   more  ,  spent  a  few  weeks  on  the  fbi’s  most  wanted  list  after  performing  solo  heists  &  building  b*mbs  for  a  few  people  ,  didn’t  have  a  name  until  she  was  six  shhh  ,  has  really  thick  glasses  &  is  as  blind  as  a  bat  ,  has  a  genius-level  iq  but  doesn’t  utilize  it  often  .

aesthetic : the  most  sinister  intentions  hidden  behind  the  prettiest  works  of  art,  plucking  an  ant  from  its  safe,  isolated  community  to  give  it  a  life  it  didn’t  ask  for  ,  learning  things  on  a  whim  that’ll  help  later  in  life  ,  creating  a  wicked  name  for  yourself  among  the  lowest  reputables  ,  escaping  with  a  singed  cape   &  crimson  covered  palms  from  digging  sharp  nails  into  the  flesh.

𝓲𝓲.     𝚑𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚢   .

BEFORE , blood & general criminal activity tw !

a  beautiful  baby  ripped  from  her  mother’s  womb  ,  unwilling  to  turn  the  right  way  to  be  born  &  forcing  her  way  out  with  blood  already  on  her  hands  .  her  parents  ,  two  unwanteds  with  a  rap  sheet  longer  than  the  great  wall  of  china  that  have  her  on  accident  –  the  young  mother  unaware  of  her  pregnancy  until  her  husband’s  cutting  into  her  stomach  &  pulling  a  child  from  her  .  she  doesn’t  survive  &  the  first  time  she  sees  her  mother  ,  she’s  left  in  a  puddle  of  blood  in  a  hotel  bathroom  .

she  doesn’t  remember  ,  obviously  ,  but  her  dad  does  .  he  reminds  her  of  it  every  chance  he  gets  ,  that  she’s  a  murderer  .  five  years  old  &  one  body  underneath  her  belt  .  he  taunts  her  ,  chides  her  into  thinking  there’ll  be  more  unless  she  obeys  him  .  she  stays  under  his  thumb  ,  afraid  to  leave  or  speak  out  in  the  fear  that  she’ll  become  what  he  says  she  is  .

when  she  grows  ,  she  starts  to  capture  the  attention  of  people  around  her  .  she’s  beautiful  ,  stunning  ,  a  visage  comparable  to  aphrodite  –  an  old  woman  told  her  once  .  her  dad  doesn’t  like  it  ,  reminding  him  of  a  woman  who  bore  him  a  child  &  left  without  naming  her  .  he  teaches  her  how  to  weaponize  her  beauty  ,  how  to  use  it  against  the  ones  that  praise  her  so  much  for  it  &  how  to  get  the  most  out  of  venus’s  gifts  .

she’s  six  when  she  finally  gets  a  name  .  sadie  ,  the  first  guess  from  an  elderly  woman  who  found  her  wandering  along  the  side  of  the  road  .  she’s  never  had  a  name  ,  her  dad  refusing  to  call  her  anything  except  ‘you!’  or  ‘hey!’  .  she  takes  the  name  sadie  &  proudly  wears  it  ,  taking  it  back  to  her  dad  who  laughs  &  bitterly  tells  her  that  she’s  not  american  &  to  remember  it  .  they’ve  only  arrived  in  the  country  weeks  ago  ,  she  doesn’t  belong  here  .

after  she  becomes  a  woman  ,  before  she  can  call  herself  an  adult  ,  she  runs  away  from  a  dad  that  never  wanted  her  in  the  first  place  .  she  leaves  the  country  after  she  gets  on  the  radar  ,  spotting  a  wanted  poster  with  her  face  on  it  when  she  winds  up  in  a  cell  for  driving  without  a  license  .  it  lists  her  crimes  &  her  skills  ,  wanted  for  the  theft  of  millions  of  dollars  ,  for  building  bombs  to  aid  criminals  ,  for  creating  fake  passports  for  kingpins  ,  the  list  is  endless  ,  as  are  her  skills  .  they  underestimate  her  abilities  the  way  everyone  in  life  underestimates  her  &  she  flees  the  country  undetected . in  sweden  ,  she  chooses  a  different  name  to  go  by  ,  a  different  life  to  lead  .

sanne  chooses  a  quiet  life  in  the  country  side  ,  a  small  village  offering  a  home  to  a  beautiful  young  woman  who  just  needs  a  little  guidance  .  she  turns  eighteen  there  ,  keeping  to  herself  &  learning  everything  she  can  with  her  free  time  .  the  people  there  love  her  &  she  loves  them  .  she  can  finally  see  a  life  for  herself  when  there’s  a  knock  on  her  door  one  day  ,  asking  her  if  she  wants  an  opportunity  of  a  life  time  .

AFTER  !

initially  ,  she  says  no  .  she  says  no  for  an  entire  year  before  she  says  yes  ,  because  since  she  was  found  by  them  ,  she  was  found  by  the  ones  who  want  her  to  answer  for  her  crimes  .  she  doesn’t  have  much  of  a  choice  ,  she  can  go  with  the  maenads  ,  or  she  can  go  with  interpol  .

that’s  ten  months  ago  &  since  then  ,  she’s  been  studying  with  the  agency  .  she’s  fit  &  she’s  skilled  ,  though  she  knows  a  lot  of  people  see  her  as  nothing  more  than  a  pretty  face  .  her  dad  taught  her  one  thing  &  that’s  to  use  it  to  her  advantage  ,  so  she  plays  the  role  people  want  her  to  play  .  

in  the  agency  ,  she’s  not  proven  herself  to  be  much  more  than  a  beautiful  girl  .  she’s  not  a  hardcore  field  agent  trainee  ,  or  a  smart  biomed  agent  ,  to  the  agents  in  the  legacy  filled  agency  ,  she’s  somewhat  of  a  mistake  .  she  flips  her  hair  &  purses  her  lips  &  studies  in  private  ,  keeping  her  head  down  &  succeeding  without  letting  anyone  know  .

sanne  knows  she  can  go  in  whichever  branch  she  wants  ,  but  she  only  finds  passion  in  research  –  because  as  good  as  she  is  as  kicking  in  someone’s  face  or  finding  a  cure  for  cancer  ,  she  enjoys  learning  .  she  works  toward  her  goal  in  secret  ,  keeping  up  the  one-woman  show  &  she  pretends  she’s  really  nothing  more  than  agent  beauty  .

TL ; DR .

born  somewhere  overseas  ,  sanne  is  born  to  criminals  .  her  mom  didn’t  know  she  was  pregnant  &  her  dad  had  to  unfortunately  perform  a  shoddy  c-section  which  killed  her  .  she  was  then  raised  by  a  bitter  dad  that  dragged  her  with  him  through  his  crimes  &  stuff  ,  idk  .

she  never  had  a  name  until  she  arrived  in  america  ,  where  she  got  lost  &  an  old  woman  picked  her  up  &  asked  what  her  name  was  .  sanne  was  like  ‘  guess  !  ’  &  the  woman  said  ‘  sadie.  ’  &  sanne  was  like  ‘  yep  !  ’  &  she  was  so  happy  .  when  she  told  her  dad  ,  her  dad  said  she  wasn’t  american  so  sanne  has  always  gone  by  saedi  instead  (  새디  )  .

at  about  sixteen  ,  she  finally  steels  up  &  runs  away  from  her  dad  .  they’re  somewhere  in  america  &  she  manages  to  live  on  her  own  while  she  racks  up  a  criminal  career  until  finally  ,  she  finds  out  she’s  somehow  on  the  fbi’s  most  wanted  list  ,  so  she  manages  to  flee  the  country  &  settles  down  in  an  isolated  town  in  sweden  ,  where  she’s  chosen  to  go  by  sanne  now  .

in  sweden  ,  she  stays  in  this  little  town  by  herself  ,  falling  in  love  with  the  town  &  the  people  .  she  spends  her  spare  time  learning  everything  she  can  ,  from  languages  to  cooking  to  singing  technique  &  she  genuinely  enjoys  her  life  until  the  maenads  agency  shows  up  at  her  door  to  recruit  her  .  she  says  no  for  an  entire  year  until  she  gets  word  that  interpol  has  now  found  her  ,  so  she  finally  says  yes  to  the  maenads  agency  .

at  the  maenads  agency  ,  she’s  met  with  a  lot  of  the  same  stuff  she’s  met  her  whole  life  –  that  she’s  just  a  pretty  face  &  there’s  not  much  more  there  ,  except  she’s  got  a  lot  going  .  BUT  she  decides  to  just  go  with  it  ,  accepting  the  codename  bellitudo  &  playing  dumb  &  flirty  while  she  studies  &  succeeds  quietly  on  her  own  .

𝓲𝓲𝓲.     𝚍𝚒𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗   .

despite  her  quiet  life  in  a  quiet  town  ,  sanne’s  been  nothing  but  angry  her  entire  life  .  she  resents  herself  for  killing  her  mom  ,  she  resents  her  dad  for  resenting  her  &  she’s  angry  at  the  world  for  being  nothing  but  cruel  to  her  .  she’s  very  angry  ,  but  she  excels  at  hiding  it  .

she’s  extremely  hubristic  ,  truly  believing  always  that  she’s  the  smartest  one  in  the  room  at  all  times  .  she’s  been  on  her  own  pretty  much  all  her  life  &  that’s  how  it’s  affected  her  ,  by  making  her  think  that  it  should  always  be  her  way  &  her  plan  ,  otherwise  everyone  else  is  stupid  .

extremely  gifted  .  she  loves  learning  &  here’s  why  :  she’s  good  at  it  .  equipped  with  a  photographic  memory  &  a  genius  level  iq  ,  she’s  extremely  quick  when  learning  new  things  ,  able  to  change  and  adapt  like  a  chameleon  with  her  knowledge  .

also  extremely  stupid  though  ,  in  the  sense  that  she’s  gotten  away  with  a  lot  and  she’s  gotten  by  a  lot  of  the  time  because  of  her  beauty  .  she  chose  the  codename  bellitudo  &  as  a  junior  agent  ,  she’s  been  falling  in  the  middle  of  the  pack  .  she  hides  her  skills  &  gifts  behind  a  dumb  smile  &  her  looks  because  she’s  secretly  hoping  she  can  escape  ,  but  i  mean  –  she  kind  of  enjoys  it  ,  so  at  this  point  she  might  just  be  pretending  because  it’s  Fun  .

𝓲𝓿.   𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍    𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜   .

i  really  want  a  mentor  that’s  also  her  confidant  ?  like  i  might  submit  this  to  the  main  if  i  don’t  get  it  ,  but  any  kind  of  agent  who  sees  through  her  pretty  girl  act  &  genuinely  wants  her  to  survive  &  pull  through  .  she’s  not  had  much  guidance  in  her  life  ,  so  this  figure  would  be  a  huge  thing  for  her  .

like  ,  a  one  -  sided  rival  ,  the  one  -  sided  being  your  muse  because  sanne  genuinely  doesn’t  care  enough  yet  ?  she’s  just  starting  to  fall  in  love  with  the  idea  of  becoming  a  secret  spy  ,  but  she  mainly  just  wants  to  escape  &  find  another  small  town  &  get  another  new  name  ,  uk  ?  but  probably  rivals  because  sanne’s  still  succeeding  despite  putting  zero  (  0  )  effort  into  this  thing  .

someone  who  she  spars  with  /  trains  with  physically  .  she’s  by  no  means  unfit  &  she’s  been  in  her  fair  share  of  fights  ,  but  it’s  probably  nothing  compared  to  the  other  agents  here  .  please  give  me  someone  that  kicks  her  ass  &  then  helps  her  wrap  her  sprained  wrists  &  fingers  afterwards  pls  ,  uwu  .

someone  she  studies  with  ,  even  though  she  technically  doesn’t  ever  study  .  when  she  does  ,  it’s  extremely  low  key  but  imagine  her  studying  in  private  &  ur  muse  walks  in  &  suddenly  her  secret  is  exposed  :  she  does  try  &  she  swears  ur  muse  to  secrecy  &  it’s  this  whole  thing  .

the  agent  who  recruited  her  ?  that  somehow  found  her  in  this  small  village  in  sweden  &  knew  about  her  criminal  tendencies  &  somehow  thought  she’d  be  a  great  fit  as  a  spy  so  here  she  is  .  she  probably  holds  a  lot  of  resentment  toward  them  for  leading  interpol  to  her  but  honest  lee  ,  i  just  want  a  begrudging  enemies  to  fine  ,  i  care  about  you  to  that’s  my  family  thing  ok  .

a   senior   agent   that   she’s   a   significant   annoyance   to   pls   .

a   junior   agent   from   the   firebird   agency   that   she   ??   links   up   w   &   does   general   bullshit   antics   with   because   i   think   that’d   be   super   fun   .

a   regular   agent   from   the   firebird   agency   that   she   links   up   w   or   annoys   in   general   because   i   like   that   .

a  research  agent  who  she  looks  up  to  ,  since  it’s  what  she  wants  to  go  in  .

another  junior  agent  she’s  sort  of  friends  with  ?

someone  who  she  lets  her  untapped  anger  out  to  .

flings  pls  !  the  more  angst  &  drama  ,  the  better  !

skinny  love  !  

lit  rally  anything  ,  pls  i’m  so  excited  for  this  .

𝓿.   𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚕𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗   .

if  you're  still  here  wtf  ,  thx  for  reading  i  love  u  all  sm  !  &  i’m  sorry  it  was  so  insanely  long  !  i’ll  message  everyone  who  likes  this  !  if  you’d  prefer  to  plot  on  discord  ,  i’m  @  brain  not  there#0044  !

[how-to-survive-a-factory-tour]

How to Survive a Factory Tour - Chapter 1

A Sanders Sides / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory FanFiction

—————

”Hey, what can I get you?”

”The usual, Virge. To go.”

”Oh, hey Remy.”

I turn and grab a plastic cup from one of the many stacks.

”You okay?” the guy on the other side of the counter asks, looking over his sunglasses at me. I just sigh as I turn back around. Remy Sleep can’t tell if the dark marks under my eyes are eyeshadow or tired bags.

”I’m not okay (I promise),” I reply.

Remy rolls his eyes, pushing his sunglasses onto his forehead. “Virge, I want a serious answer. I haven’t been able to check on how you’re doing as much since you dropped out.”

”You know I had to. I’ve told you before.”

”I know. You had to get a job, so you can pay for Thomas’ university fees.”

Thomas is my twin brother. Our family is in a rough position. We live in a run-down shack with only our mother, our father having passed on when Thomas and I were five. The only income we have to support us is the small amount our mom earns from her job as a dishwasher at a restaurant, which is not nearly enough. As our eighteenth birthdays had drawn near, I had realised there was no hope of us both being able to go to college with the money we had. If we did, we’d never eat again, and there’s not much you can do with an education when you’re dead. So, instead of completing my final year of high school, I decided to drop out and get a job. That way, Thomas will be able to go to university, get a good paying job and be able to live the life he deserves.

I don’t care if I lose the chance for a future. As long as Thomas is happy, I am too.

”Anyway, did ya hear the news?” Remy asks, changing the subject.

”What news?” I question.

”You don’t know?” Remy gasps. “It was everywhere! All over the internet and TV!”

I raise an eyebrow at the guy on the other side of the counter.

”Oh, right, you don’t have a TV... or a phone... or laptop. Anyway! You’ll never believe this, but Wonka is opening his factory again!”

”No fucking way!”

”Yes way! Look.” Remy pulls out his phone and holds it in front of me. I read it over.

Willy Wonka is the most famous chocolatier in the entire world, and his factory is situated in our town. He has created things that had previously seemed impossible: ice cream that never melts, sweets that allow you to spit in seven different colours, gum that never loses its flavour and so much more. About seven years ago, he hosted a competition in which he sent out five golden tickets hidden under the wrappers five chocolate bars. Five kids won them and got to go on a tour around his factory. Afterwards, four of them left, all in... interesting states. I remember, one was really thin and covered in melted chocolate, one was blue from head to toe, one was covered in trash and the last was paper thin and twelve feet tall. The fifth kid was never seen again.

Rumours spread about what happened to them. Many thought the four kids were insane because of the stories they told. Pipes, chocolate rivers, defective gum, giant blueberries, squirrels, garbage chute, televisions, cameras... I won’t bore you with the details when there’s a book based all around the stories they told. Just go read that. It’s called ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’, I think.

But, anyway, back to now.

According to the article Remy’s showing me, Wonka’s sent out five more tickets. This time, however, he’s specified the winners have to be seventeen to twenty one years old.

”You know what this means?” Remy grins. “The age restriction mans there’s a higher chance of us winning tickets!”

”A higher chance of you winning a ticket, don’t you mean,” I correct him. “I can’t waste anything.”

”Seriously? Not even a dollar for chocolate?” Remy raises an eyebrow. “Here.” He pulls five dollars from his wallet and places it in the tip jar. “For a few Wonka bars. Treat yourself for once.”

”Thanks,” I nod as I hand Remy his drink. “That’ll be four dollars.”

He hands over the money, which I place in the register.

“Good luck,’ he wishes me, pulling his sunglasses back down over his eyes. He gives me a wave before turning and leaving.

I let out a sigh as I glance at the tip jar. Maybe I can spare at least one dollar for candy...

-

”Ma! Pa! Emile! Did ya hear?!”

I run through the house, newspaper in hand. I speed into the living room, where my Ma’s ironing and my Pa’s playing Mario Kart against Emile.

Emile’s my younger brother by eight years. Once I asked why my parents why the age gap was so big, and they said that it took them a long time to decide that they wanted another child. According to my gran, however, Emile wasn’t planned. It doesn’t mean they love him any less, though. My family and life’s pretty much as great as I’d ever want it to be.

I’ve lived in Ireland my whole life. I really like it here, but I’ve always wanted to travel. I don’t want to go yet, however. Gran’s been having problems with her memory; Alzheimer’s, my parents say. I don’t want to go away for a long time and come back to find Gran’s completely forgotten about me. I guess I’m going to wait until... Well, you know.

My parents and Emile all look up as I enter the room, grinning ear to ear.

”Willy Wonka is opening his factory again!” I announce as I hold the newspaper above my head, showing the headline off.

”Really?” Emile gasps, pausing his game and leaping to his feet. He runs towards me, jumping up and trying to grab the newspaper. “Come on, Patton, let me see!”

I hand Emile the paper, and he reads it over, face lighting up with excitement. “It is! It’s true! Aw, but it’s only opening to people between seventeen and twenty one...” Emile’s ten years old. “Oh, wait, you’re eighteen, Patton!” Before I can say a word, he grabs my arm, trying to pull me from the room. I laugh at his eagerness before turning to my parents.

“Be back by dinner,” Ma says, folding one of my blue polo shirts.

“Okay. Bye!” I let Emile pull me to the front door. I grab my wallet and pull on my coat before the two of us step outside. Emile starts running down the pavement ahead of me.

”Be wide on the road!” I call after him, running up to him and taking his hand. “Ma and Pa will kill me if you get hurt.”

”Sorry, I’m just excited!” Emile grins. “You’re gonna go to Willy Wonka’s factory!”

”Emile, it’s really unlikely I’ll actually get a ticket,” I reply. “It’s, like, super super, near impossible.”

”Well, with the age range, it’s even more likely!” Emile points out. ‘”And you deserve it for being the best brother ever!”

I pull Emile into a hug. He’s lying. I’m not the best brother ever, he is. I wish he could go to the factory, he’d love it.

I’m going to try to win a ticket, not just for my own enjoyment, but so I can share the stories with Emile and so he can experience it, even if not in person.

-

Well, this is a new low. Usually they at least leave a note at least.

I chuck my schoolbag onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. I check one more time to see there isn’t a note anywhere. No, there definitely isn’t. Great.

I open the fridge and grab a jar of Crofters Wild Blueberry Jam. I retrieve a spoon from the cutlery drawer and sit down at the table. I pull my book from backpack and start reading. It’s relaxing for a bit... until the front door slams open.

There’s the sound of footsteps running and into the room come my parents and my brother, Robert, all of them carrying two shopping bags each.

‘Salutations,’ I greet. Not that they notice me at all...

My parents neglect me. There’s no other way to phrase it. Mum and Dad are sports fanatics. Football, Rugby, Cricket, they’re invested in it all. And with Robert being captain of almost all the sports teams at his university, they love him and praise him like he’s a God. However, I myself am more academically inclined. For example, I am currently taking physics, chemistry, computer science and mathematics at college. This basically resulted in my parents not caring about me at all. It doesn’t matter I got all A*s and A**s at GCSE, it doesn’t matter my prospects are Oxford or Cambridge, it doesn’t matter I have an IQ of 200. No, because I can’t play sports, but Robert can, so he’s automatically better than me.

Multiple times, my parents have forgotten I even existed. Once, them and Robert went on a four-week holiday to Australia and left me behind. If I didn’t know how to effectively look after myself, I’d have died.

I was seven at the time.

They all take seats at the table and unload the shopping bags, placing the purchased items onto the table. They’re Wonka bars. They didn’t buy anything else. I raise an eyebrow.

”May I inquire why you bought so much chocolate?” I ask as Robert and my parents start unwrapping the bars.

None of them respond, they just continue what they were doing. I sigh, getting to my feet and leaving the room. I head upstairs and go into my bedroom, sitting at my desk and opening my laptop. I google Wonka’s name, and the first article that comes up immediately makes me slightly intrigued.

It says Wonka’s opening his factory again. Just like the last time, he’s hidden five golden tickets under the wrappers of five Wonka bars, and those who win them get a guided tour and a lifetime supply of sweets and chocolate. The only difference is, this time, it’s for seventeen to twenty-one year olds.

To be completely honest, I don’t really care much about it. Yes, I’m slightly intrigued, but not enough that I’ll waste money on buying a bunch like the rest of my family. Even with the new age requirements, the odds of winning are pretty much infinitesimal. There’s really no reason to try.

I go back downstairs and take a seat on the sofa, reopening my book.

“It’s got to be here somewhere!” I overhear my brother growl as he furiously tears the wrappers off chocolate bars.

“No, it doesn’t,” I respond, not even looking up. “There are over seven point five billion people looking for these tickets, and even more Wonka bars than that being sold a day. You can’t expect to win on blind luck on your first try.”

I hear footsteps coming up behind me and a shadow looms over me and my book. I close it before turning around and making eye contact with Robert.

“Listen here, you little smartass,” he growls. “I will win a ticket, because I am winner, unlike you.”

He gestures to the trophy cabinet in the corner of the room, where he has a bunch of sports trophies. I resist the urge to remind him of the box of academic awards I have in my room.

“You may as well not bother trying,” Robert continues. “Smarts aren’t going to help you get a ticket. You’re not even that smart anyway.”

How fucking dare he.

I wasn’t going to take part in the contest, but I sure as hell will now.

“Okay then. You go ahead and tell yourself that,” I reply, standing. “Meanwhile, I am going to go to my room and use maths, science, geography and research to find the exact location of the tickets.”

Before Robert can reply, I turn and leave the room. I have a ticket to find.

-

“Yo te quiero enseñar Un fantástico mundo Ven Princesa y deja a tu corazón soñar!”

I use my hairbrush as a microphone as I continue performing to the handsome man in the mirror. Oh wait, that’s me!

I can hear your judgement. Shut up, I’m beautiful.

As I make sure my hair is perfectly styled, ready for Valerie’s party later, I suddenly hear a yell from downstairs.

“Roman!” Pa calls.

“Yeah?!” I call back.

“There’s some news I think you might want to hear!”

Intrigued, I leave the bathroom and head downstairs. What is it? New Disney movie announced? Surprise Steven Universe episode drop? Gravity Falls is coming back?! TICKETS TO SEE HAMILTON?!

I head into the living room, where my Dad and Pa are sat on the sofas, Dad reading a book, Pa holding the TV remote. The TV’s showing...the news? Why would I be interested in the news? I’m not really the most topical or political person.

Nevertheless, I take a seat next to Pa.

“So, what’s this thing you wanted to show me?” I ask, checking the time. I promised I’d help Val set up, so I’ve got to get to her place early. This hopefully won’t take long.

Pa presses play on the remote. As I watch the report, I leap off the sofa, punching the air.

“¡SI! ¡SI!”I say, slipping back into Spanish, despite Dad saying that we were going to stick with using English until exams, so I’m as prepared as I can be for my English-speaking exam. Don’t see why, though, I’m already fluent.

But the news! The news! It’s amazing! Wonka’s opening his factory yet again! I tried so hard to get a ticket seven years ago. When the tour was announced, eleven-year-old me was quaking! But now it’s my chance! I can finally go and see the what lies inside that mysterious building. I bet it’s full of wonders beyond my imagination...

“I gotta go!” I call to my parents as I run from the room. I pull on my jacket and run from the house. I’ve gotta step into a candy store and buy some Wonka bars before I head to Val’s.

Yep, that was a Heathers reference.

“Honey, what you waiting for? Welcome to my candy store You just gotta prove you’re not a loser anymore And step into my candy store!”

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