#its little shit that just adds up and makes me feel so fucking incompetent holy shit

[on-leatheredwings]

im just constantly forgetting things bc adhd. im just constantly forgetting small things and its like why . im genuinely just going to have to start timing myself whenever i want/need to fucking DO ANYTHING ? JUST MICRO MANAGE MY DAYS ?

[thewillowbends]

Real facts, guys, where my feelings on the second season of Shadow and Bone are concerned: dump the second book plot almost entirely. You can keep the amplifier and Nikolai, but everything else? Wasting our time.

Dump Tamar and Tolya. They add nothing. If they weren't raised in Ravka and weren't raised in the Little Palace, why is their experience valid to the plot of the other Grisha? They literally exist to play down the experiences of other Grisha, which is nonsense because how the fuck would they know what goes on at the Little Palace if they weren't raised there? They can't live in their own country safely, so why they have no complex view of the situation at hands is ridiculous. You can't sit here going on about the Grisha being spoiled and pampered in one breath and then tell me they're called witches and hunted down by the First Army in another. That's two separate narratives you're creating for what Grisha are going through in this country.

Dump the entire Little Palace siege. This book should have started with the Darkling already having overtaken the palace and installed himself and his people on the throne. Basic fiction writing rule is that you start with the conflict in motion or having preceded your main story, not in the gap between events actually occurring. I was literally stunned when I realized after the Sturmhound section that we were supposed to understand the Darkling's coup had failed. How?? The king was out of commission. He should have had his people positioned to overthrow. There's no sense in having the king back on the throne already. I literally had to set the book down for a minute because I could not believe that an editor didn't immediately point out to her that this would literally force her plot to come to a screeching for a hefty section of the novel.

Alina in charge of the Second Army? Completely bonkers. She hasn't the experience, capability, or motivation to do this. Play her up as an idol figure alongside somebody else leading the army. Explore the Sankta plotline instead unless you're willing to go hard on the political situation and how incompetent the Lantsov line really is, forcing her into a role for which she isn't fit.

Dump all of Mal and Alina's drama. Please. I'm begging you. It's fucking insane and makes an active argument against the pairing. You can have them struggling to accept life may be taking them into different directions, but if you actually want to sell us that they love each other, they need to be a team that works through it together. You need to sell attraction AND emotional intimacy to me here.

You can keep Nikolai and Vasily's battling over the throne, but make it relevant to what they created in S1. It should be acknowledged that the Lantsov line created its own monster by betraying the Darkling and turning on the Grisha years later. This is the sins of their fathers coming back to haunt them, so Nikolai, being a bastard, should be maneuvered into place as a a better foil to the Darkling, an ambitious young man who wants to remake Ravka into a better country. He'll represent a clean break from the old line.

Just...holy shit. Wow. What a mess of a book.

[emblemxeno]

(3H SPOILERS) Analysis of Main Characters in FE and the Western FE Community’s Perception of Them

In the midst of all the Three Houses hype, there’s a lot of contention with Edelgard as a character as well as her route in general with how it plays out.

With this, it’s given me some perspective on how the community feels about main characters and whether or not they are liked and/or well written. Since I am a Westerner myself, please always assume this is in the context of the western FE audience, as I don’t know enough about the JP audience to do comparisons or whatnot.

Now with this, there’s more or less a pattern with some main characters in how they’re received by western fans. (Sigurd, Seliph, Leif, Roy and Kris won’t be covered in this since I haven’t read enough of their games’ scripts to get a grasp on them)

The most contentious main characters by far are Eirika, Micaiah, Corrin and Celica (when I say contentious I don’t mean unpopular as they have many fans; however, though popular, they also have the most detractors). 

These characters all have very defined flaws that get them in trouble in their games, are peace seeking in general and look for peaceful ways unless there is no other choice, and all do questionable things in their stories that call for doubt, discussion, and criticism. Most of their development comes from making mistakes and learning from them. They are also all known for getting into situations where they either need rescue or because of something they fucked up.

The least contentious main characters (compared to the four above, I might add) are Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm. 

They may or may not have noticeable flaws, but they hardly ever cause trouble for them. They may or may not seek peace at some opportunities, but are always willing, with no hesitation, to fight. They are all blunt and speak their mind, and though sometimes that poses situations where they could get into trouble, but they never really do. Most of their development comes from growth after bad things happening to them rather than something that they messed up.

In this, realize that main characters are the ones that people identify with the most, therefore, there’s a reason for certain characters to be less contentious than others. In particular, the reason for FE main characters?

It’s probably a little bitchy to say it like this, but it’s kind of power fantasy esque. 

Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm all have great authority/renown within their groups or territories and are always seemingly in control of the situation. They are hardly questioned, and when they are they are almost always proven right. In short, the players like these characters because they are validated as strong, intelligent, and almost always in control of the moment. Since these are the characters players identify with, the players themselves feel validated.

In contrast, compare to them Eirika, Micaiah, Corrin and Celica. They hold little authority (compared to the other four), are questioned and not always proven right, doubted at some points, they question and doubt themselves, they’re not as notably strong in various fields like the other four so they don’t get validated as the other four. Being main characters, these are also characters that players are to identify with, but since they have unattractive/undesirable qualities to them, (and because FE players always believe they themselves have the perfect solutions to everything) they are instead cast aside as being badly written, stupid, incompetent, and the oh so misused moniker, Mary Sue. 

(Well, Celica doesn’t really get called that, but that’s because she wasn’t known by the audience that uses it frequently, and Echoes came out at a period when people stopped using it wrongly)

Again, I don’t wanna sound condescending, but power fantasy is really what I get from this.

Now there is sort of a problem with this theory, and that’s Ephraim, because he’s contentious in his own right because of the shit he pulls in FE8, but he gets less flack than his sister, Corrin, and Micaiah, so...

Anyway, besides the characters I intentionally left out because I didn’t know enough about them, there remains Marth, Lyn, Eliwood, Chrom, Robin, and the 3H Lords.

What’s notable about Mar-Mar is that his Shadow Dragon interpretation is very well received over here in the west. Marth in Shadow Dragon is written as being more blunt, and not really questioning himself, his actions, or anything that happens around him. Notice how this is very much unique to SD, as the original Dark Dragon script as well as Mystery and New Mystery portray softer, more idealistic Mar-Mars. Heroes also takes after those portrayals. Yet the audience here likes the SD portrayal the best; the one most similar to Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm.

Lyn is in an interesting situation; she’s very much in control and she’s not as unimportant in the story as some say, but it’s still very much Eliwood’s story. Which makes it all the more weird that Hector shines over poor Eli. Had Lyn not been many players first Waifu FE lord, Hector would no doubt be the most popular one. Compared to Hec, Eli is peaceseeking and idealistic, though not to the point of the more contentious lords, so he gets passed on compared to his friends, but not to the point where people think he’s badly written.

Chrom and Robin are in an interesting situation as well, as the story is Chrom’s and then gradually become’s Robin’s story as it nears the end. (Some say they stole it from Chrom, but I would say it’s like the spotlight slowly drifted from him to them) 

Chrom doesn’t have a notable flaw that gets him into danger, and is in control/has authority throughout a good deal of the campaign, but also very emotional and starts looking for peaceful solutions more often than say Hector, Ephraim, Ike, and Alm. Chrom tries to reason with Walhart, even, and those other four would never. So he’s kind of at an in between. Robin... is kind of hard to discern. They are supposed to be the character the player identifies with more since they are the avatar. We do see that they are in control as well and never makes to many mistakes. But they’re also batshit crazy for setting fleets on fire and fighting in a volcano. Having the player suspend their disbelief like that isn’t the best thing for identifying with a character, but it seems people like them enough for other reasons so indirect validation isn’t as prominent a thing with them.

Then come the 3H lords, and oh my, they do not fit into any sort of mold whatsoever; not perfectly anyway.

Byleth being a complete blank slate means they are truly in the middle on things; despite being the least customizable in appearance, they are the most avatar like of the FE avatars. The player can feel true, direct validation from the 3H cast as you get to pick which dialogue choices you want, and do other things at your own pace. (Unless you care about support points) As a character they’re not anything too special, but since they are a true avatar, they’re not seen as bad as say, Corrin, because the player can literally be who they want through Byleth and be validated by the story at the same time.

Edelgard, (the most discussed of the lords) is also unique. Never has a main character been so extreme in how they accomplish things. From what I’ve gathered from FE4, she’s Arvis like. And yet, she’s a protagonist in one possible outcome. She has the attractive qualities of protagonists like Hector and Ike, (being in control/having authority, speaking her mind) yet she’s contentious because unlike them her morality is very grey. The very definition of the ends justify the means. There’s a reason her title in Heroes is ‘The Future’. Because her goal and ambition is for the future, with no limit on what she’ll do to get there.

Dimitri is unique because he starts off as model prince, honor loving, sweet boy with bad hair. Then you gradually notice strange things about him, then Remire happens, then you learn he’s at the academy for revenge, then he goes feral at the Holy Tomb, and descends even further for 5 years, until he’s a revenge obsessed beast. He then begins his ascent back to being a proper king for his people (he’s more deserving of the title Restoration King than Ephraim, but that’s just me). There’s never been a main character in FE that falls so low and then climbs back up like that.

Claude himself is unique as well. Besides being the most well adjusted of the three lords, he’s actually pretty idealistic compared to them. He has big dreams and ambitions for Fodlan, and his main concerns are with the world at large, and his story doesn’t end with the major war among the 3 factions. He’s intelligent enough to not be blinded by emotion like Dimitri but also keen enough enough to realize that pure brute force isn’t the only option unlike with Edelgard. He’s very much a middle ground, but a middle ground that’s like a bell curve instead of a straight line, since Edie and Dima both fall hard and do messed up things, but are still not completely terrible people, whereas Claude is nowhere as extreme as they are and feels like a true balance.

If nothing else, 3 Houses achieves something very different with all of its main characters for once.

Anway, that’s kind of all I have. Sorry for the long post, but Fire Emblem is my #1 game series for a reason, so I get big into these passion analyses sometimes.

[ultraclops]

Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes

Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!

Lucky Ducky Mug

Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby

"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.

How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle

"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian

I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING

I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"

Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter

Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this

Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference

Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code

They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.

Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.

Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts

Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing

Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal

The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,

(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT

The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived

So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool

SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG

Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.

Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.

Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again

"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood

"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh

Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?

Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!

Lonely Kid

(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)

"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.

Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp

I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??

NOO GERALDINE

That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW

So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained

I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason

How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him

HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT

"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."

"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.

So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.

Man those kids are jackasses

"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT

Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL

"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"

Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality

I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.

"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN

This monster empty, YEET

Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY

"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL

He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗

Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.

"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense

Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends

I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??

Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕

Try Hard

No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol

"K for Copyright Infringement"

"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?

"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from

"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!

Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka

"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like

Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.

Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"

This badger and cat empty, YEET

Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail

WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE

"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors

"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"

Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?

"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?

"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"

Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm

"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"

"JERK BUTT"

Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?

"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why

"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓

Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?

Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.

GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!

I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.

Scared Of Puppets

Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...

"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here

Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.

Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.

Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?

"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...

Mr. Din Dandalib!

"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."

IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT

If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different

(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"

"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"

...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-

That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...

So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How

I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR

"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks

OH WIG

Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please

"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context

(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki

How does one forget to drink milk

Oh shit the scene from the promo...

Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??

OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK

Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!

"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...

"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"

"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"

Those puppets are alive I stg

"I'M A BIG BOI..."

Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!

"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN

Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear

Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang

The Perfect Couple

Watermelon time babyyy

TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY

Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?

"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers

Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple

Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that

Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao

"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."

"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...

Nvm its just laundry

"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"

Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat

"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀

I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist

Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit

Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm

Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh

Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....

IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK

Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared

"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now

"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?

OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK

He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol

Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too

"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL

[hallelujuh]

shay’s favorite tv shows from 2017

this has been in my drafts for.... nine months.... fuck.

Written in December 2017, updates are from September 2018.

Considering how many new, innovative shows are around these days, I didn’t get too adventurous this year, but I’m satisfied with the ones I did watch. I discovered new shows, I was impressed by the shows I’ve been following for years, and I learned to appreciate the work that goes into television more. Here’s my top ten TV shows..

10. Thirteen Reasons Why - In all honestly, this is only here because I haven’t been able to watch Peaky Blinders yet, and it’s probably too late. (UPDATE: Watched it in Jan and it was amazing.) This show received a lot of backlash, and for good reason, although it had its moments. The characters were well-written, the relationships were given depth that is often lacking in other high school-set narratives, and the tone was great. I’ve always loved watching things that make me profoundly sad, and this show did just that. (UPDATE: Season 2 was fucking garbage lmao.)

Standout episode: Tape 1, Side B. It’s a cripplingly depressing show, but this episode stood out as a moment of light in Hannah’s dark reality. Her friendship with Jessica and Alex was nice in the beginning - their banter, them having a spot in the coffee shop. I remember assuming Alex was gay (I believe his actor is, so I wasn’t too off) and thinking that’d be good for Hannah, to have a guy friend who wasn’t interested in her and wouldn’t add relationship drama to her life. Boy, was I wrong. Still, having seen the show at the beginning of the year, this episode is the only one I remember as enjoying, so it gets this spot.

9. A Series of Unfortunate Events - I read the books in elementary school, and they’re one of my favorite series of all time. I’m also a huge fan of the film, though I know most aren’t. So I was very excited for this series, and it didn’t completely disappoint. While I found myself longing for the actors from the 2004 motion picture, and some of the directing decisions weren’t choice, it was cool to see The Miserable Mill finally come to life, and I loved the Baudelaires just as much here as anyone else. I’ll be tuning in to next season, since I’ve very, very excited to see how they handle the next three books. I can’t wait to meet the Quagmire triplets, and Esme, and Jacques! It’ll be awesome. I hope they portray it well, but there’s no film to compare it to from here on out, so maybe it’ll be different.

Standout episode: The Reptile Room: Part One/Two. Like I said, I wasn’t a huge fan of how most of the characters were portrayed in this adaption, but I did love Uncle Monty. He was just as wonderful as he was in the film and books. Watching his interactions with the kids was really nice, and as always, made me wish they could’ve remained with him. Stephano wasn’t as menacing here as he is in the film (that knife scene is the point in the film where you go, “woah, this dude’s for real. he’s scary”), which was a bummer because I still thought Olaf was a laughably bad and incompetent villain by the finale, but I did like Poe’s hysteria, and I really loved the movie theatre scene.

8. Riverdale - Oops I never wrote this dfdsbfjdbfjds.

7. South Park - While we all can agree the last season was a mess, and this one was only a slight improvement, it did have it’s moments. I’ve been a fan for five years now, so at this point, they’ll never disappoint me, tbfh. 

Standout episode: Doubling Down. While Put it Down was wonderful, both satirically and because of Craig and Tweek’s adorable relationship, the eighth episode of the season was my personal favorite (UPDATE: Not sure why ‘cause I didn’t specify then and I’m not sure now.)

6. Dear White People - I didn’t do this one either damn. 

Standout Episode: Chapter V. While the show is a comedic take on racial relations, this episode is an emotional, serious change. The Barry Jenkins-directed episode shows us that the subject is no laughing matter, and it very clearly deserves this spot.

5. Rick and Morty - Yet another show I discovered this year, during the summer. I’d been meaning to watch it for ages, and I finally got around to it. While the fanbase is pretty much poison, the show is pretty damn good. Maybe not what it’s hyped up to be, but great none-the-less. I’m a big fan of adult cartoons, and RaM isn’t entirely satirical like South Park, and it’s not self-aware like BoJack, but it holds up. It’s probably so popular because of how unique it is.

Standout episode: The Ricklantis Mixup. While my personal favorite of Season 3 was The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy, because I adore Jerry, I think we can all agree that the was the best episode of the season, if not the series. Like, really. Holy shit.

4. Gotham - I began watching this show last year, and caught up to season three around halfway through it. It began to drag a bit, admittedly, like it couldn’t carry it’s own weight - but now the show’s on season four, and it gets a little wild sometimes, but it’s holding quite a bit better, I’d say. I was pretty fucking impressed, especially with the Nygmobblepot stuff.

Standout episode: A Dark Knight: Queen Takes Knight. Although Mad City: The Gentle Art of Making Enemies from Season 3 is a close runner-up, for all the loose ends it ties up, and so cleanly, too - the winter finale gets this spot. It had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat (since I was actually curled up in bed) the entire time. While Sophia’s character and her motivations had remained muddy since her introduction, her badassery finally came to the forefront, and it was awesome. The way she tore down Penguin from his throne? Incredible. We know he’ll return, as he has so many times, but really, that was so incredible. Considering he’s my favorite character, I should feel worse. However, Sophia executed her plan so well, I was too awed to hate her. Also, Jerome’s back! I’m extremely excited to see Jerome’s role in the upcoming episodes. (Update: Oh, honey, you got a big storm coming...)

3. BoJack Horseman - I binged the hell out of this show just before season four came out, because it was so creative and thought-provoking and hilariously depressing. The fourth season was notably wonderful in a lot of ways, particularly because of Todd’s sexuality arc (the first out asexual character in a TV show!) and how well it was handled, but also because of the mature themes they took on. Princess Carolyn’s miscarriages, Diane and Mr. PB’s failing marriage, BoJack’s struggle to forgive his mother, Beatrice’s own troubled upbringing, Hollyhock’s eating disorder. I watched the whole season in three days when it was first released, four months ago, and I’m currently considering re-watching it after rereading the summaries of each episode to refresh my memory. I’d forgotten how phenomenal it was. It’s on another level - it really is.

Standout episode: Time’s Arrow. Though there wasn’t a single weak episode this season, this one definitely stood out. Following the tradition of uniquely depressing eleventh episodes, Time’s Arrow focuses on BoJack’s mother and how her turbulent childhood affected her. Gorgeously executed, it makes us pity the woman who made our favorite alcoholic horse the way he is, and it concludes with BoJack making peace with his mother, who he had spent so long resenting. It’s just a gorgeous episode. I think I’m going to rewatch it right now, haha.

2. Mr. Robot - I’ve wanted to watch this show since it came out, but I finally began and finished the first two seasons just weeks before Season 3 came out. Since I’m discussing my favorites of 2017, I won’t be talking about those first two seasons here. I’ll be focusing on Season 3, which has been, in my opinion, incredible. What began as a modern, nerdy take on Fight Club has become so much more; a masterfully dark and suspenseful fictionalized look at the looming political state of our world. We’ve gotten new characters (Irving, who’s a gem), we’ve learned more about older but mysterious characters (poor repressed Dom), we’ve had to say goodbye to old characters (I’m still mad about ******), and best of all, this season has been Tyrell heavy, and we even got to see Elliot make peace with Mr. Robot.

Standout episode: S3/EP8, eps3.7_dont-delete-me.ko - The previous episode had already established a gorgeously melancholy setting through the use of Mac Quayle's gorgeous production 2.0_6-madame3xecutioner.oga, which, as a huge fan of film scores, I instantly fell in love with. The song is featured during a scene I watched several times - the scene when Angela repeatedly rewinds the explosion, unable to cope with the reality of it. It left me feeling similar to the way I had after watching American Beauty for the first time - like the world was a different shade. I thought this would be the only moment the show could invoke that response from me, but then the next episode came out. Unlike Ep. 7, Ep. 8 didn’t have a single moment. The whole episode brimmed with pain and sadness. The show’s already sad, but the lonely, isolated feeling is often overwhelmed by the suspense, drama, and excitement. This episode let the characters hurt without interruption, and it was wonderfully emotional.

1. The Get Down - I was so thrilled when I discovered this show in April, literally a few days after Part 2 had aired. I downloaded all the episodes for a road trip, and literally could not put it down the entire tme. It blended all my favorite things - the art of rap, the origin and evolution of hip hop, how battle rapping/deejaying came to be. The music was stellar, the cinematography was breathtaking, the acting was (for the most part) wonderful, and the cast was fantastic. I’ve seen some criticizing it, because of its occasionally choppy narrative and the fact that Baz Luhrmann added his usual whimsical take on something that was historically fairly dark, but I thought it was flawless. It was definitely groundbreaking in its amount of representation, and it was fun and colorful and emotional and, overall, just absolutely wonderful. Like many others, I was pretty devastated when they cancelled it. I understand why, but I wish it could get the Sense 8 treatment and receive a movie. There’s too many loose ends - it’s a real bummer. Still, I’m grateful we were blessed with this gem of a show at all.

Standout episode: S1/EP11, Only from Exile Can We Come Home - The final episode gets this spot for a single scene; the one where it alternates between Mylene singing “I’m my #1″ in the hotel room with Jackie and all the drag queens, and the scene where an unreleased Miguel song is playing while Dizzy & Thor paint on each other, and then Shao calls Dizzy his “alien brother.” That scene was easily one of my favorites I’ve ever seen in any show, in my entire life. If that episode was a film, that scene alone would guarantee it a spot on my favorite films list. It was that good.

[lilixbetty-blog]

Chapter 2 J.J - part 3 (page 1-5)

He looks smug. It’s thrown me completely.

I scan the information stored in my mind from the last few minutes, but I find no order for coffee, just saved images of his face. ‘Cappuccino?’ I ask hopefully.

‘Americano,’ he counters smoothly on a whisper. ‘Four shots, two sugars and topped up halfway.’

‘Right!’ I snap myself from my pathetic awestruck state and move to the coffee machine, my hands shaking, my heart thudding. I bash the filter on the wooden drawer to rid it of the used beans, hoping the loud smacking will knock some sense back into me. It doesn’t. I still feel . . . strange.

Pulling the lever on the grinder, I load the filter up. He’s staring at me. I can feel those piercing blues penetrating my back as I faff and fiddle with the machine that I’ve grown to love. It’s not loving me right now, though. It’s not doing anything I tell it to. I can’t secure the filter in the holder; my shaking hands are not helping in the slightest.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I start again, successfully loading the filter and placing the cup underneath. I press the button and wait for it to work its magic, keeping my back to the stranger behind me. In the whole week I’ve worked at Pops, I’ve never known the machine to take this long to filter some coffee. I’m silently willing it to hurry the hell up.

When an eternity has passed, I take the cup and slip in two sugars, ready to top it up with water.

‘Four shots.’ He breaks the uncomfortable silence with that soft rasp.

‘Pardon?’ I don’t turn around.

‘I ordered four shots.’

I look down at the cup, containing just one shot, and close my eyes, praying for the coffee gods to help me out. I don’t know how long it takes me to add three more shots, but when I finally turn to deliver his coffee, he’s sitting on a sofa, relaxed, his lean physique stretched out, his fingers tapping the arm. His face doesn’t show a hint of emotion, but I detect he’s not happy, and for some strange reason that makes me really unhappy. I’ve handled that damn machine perfectly all day, and now when I really want to look like I know what I’m doing, I’m coming off as an incompetent fool. I feel stupid as I hold up the takeaway cup before placing it neatly on the counter.

He looks at it, then back to me. ‘I want to drink in.’ His face is serious, his tone flat but sharp, and I stare at him, trying to figure out if he’s being difficult or genuine. I don’t remember him asking for a takeaway; I just assumed. He doesn’t look like the type to sit around in back-street cafes. He looks more like a champagne bar, mingle-with-the-money type.

Grabbing a coffee cup and saucer, I simply transfer the coffee and shove a teaspoon on the side before taking steady steps over to him. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the chinking of the cup on the saucer. I place it down on the low table and watch as he swivels the saucer before lifting the cup, but I don’t hang around to watch him drink, pivoting quickly on my Converse and escaping.

I virtually burst through the swing door of the kitchen, finding Archie putting his coat on. ‘All right, Betty?’ he asks, his friendly face scanning me.

‘Yep.’ I dive into the large metal sink to wash my sweaty hands as the bistro phone starts ringing from the wall. Archie takes the initiative to answer, obviously concluding that I’m dead set on scrubbing my hands until they disappear.

‘For you, Betty. I’m outta here.’

‘Have a great weekend, Archie,’ I say, drying my hands before I take the phone. ‘Hello?’

‘Betty, honey, are you busy tonight?’ Pop asks.

‘Tonight?’

‘Yes, I have a catering contract for a charity gala and I’ve been let down. Could you be a doll and help me out?’

‘Oh, Pop, I’d love to, but . . .’ I have no idea why I said I’d love to, because I really wouldn’t, and I can’t finish that sentence because I can’t find a ‘but’. I have nothing to do this evening except faff around my grandmother and get told off for it.

‘Ah, Betty, I’ll pay you well. I’m desperate.’

‘What are the hours?’ I sigh, leaning against the wall.

‘You star! Seven to midnight. It’s not hard, honey. Just walk around with trays of canapés and glasses of champagne. Piece of cake.’

A piece of cake? It’s still walking, and my feet are still killing me. ‘I need to go home to check on my nan and change. What should I wear?’

‘Black, and be at the staff entrance of the Hilton on Park Lane at seven, okay?’

‘Sure.’

He hangs up, and I hang my head, but my attention is soon pulled to the swing door when Veronica bursts through, her dark brown eyes wide. ‘Have you seen it?’

Her question quickly reminds me of the stunning creature who’s sitting drinking coffee in the cafe. I almost laugh as I place the receiver back in its cradle. ‘Yes, I’ve seen him.’

‘Holy fucking shit, Betty! Men like that should carry a warning.’ She glances back into the cafe and starts fanning her face. ‘Oh God, he’s blowing the steam off his coffee.’

I don’t need a visual. I can imagine it. ‘Are you working tonight?’ I ask, trying to divert her dribbling into the kitchen.

‘Yes!’ She swings back towards me. ‘Did Pop ask you?’

‘He did.’ I unhook my keys and lock the doors that lead to the alley.

‘He tried to get me to ask you, but I know you’re not mad about night work, what with your nan at home. Are you doing it?’

‘Well, I agreed.’ I give her a tired look.

Her serious face grins. ‘It’s closing time. Would you like to let him know that it’s time to go?’

Stupidly, I’m battling off the shakes again at the thought of looking at him, and I chastise myself for it. ‘Yes, I’ll tell him,’ I declare with all the confidence I’m not feeling. Rolling my shoulders back, I walk with sureness past Veronica and into the cafe, coming to an abrupt halt when I see he’s gone. The strangest sensation comes over me as I scan the area, feeling a bizarre sense of desertion mixed with disappointment.

‘Oh. Where’s he gone?’ Veronica whines, pushing past me.

‘I don’t know,’ I whisper, slowly walking to the abandoned sofa and picking up a half-drunk coffee and three pound coins. I separate the napkin that’s stuck to the bottom of the saucer and start to screw it up, but some black lines catch my attention and I’m quickly unravelling it with one hand and flattening it on the table.

I gasp. Then I get a little mad.

Probably the worst Americano that I’ve ever insulted my mouth with.

J.J

My face screws up in disgust, along with the napkin as I ball it and stuff it in the cup. The arrogant arsehole. Nothing makes me mad, and I know it exasperates my grandmother and Kevin, but I’m really heated with annoyance now. And it really is over something quite silly. But then I’m not sure if it’s because I failed to make good coffee when I’ve been doing so well, or simply because the perfect man didn’t approve of it. And what does J.J stand for, anyway?

After disposing of the cup, the saucer, and the offending napkin, then locking up with Veronica, I finally reach the conclusion that J.J stands for Judgemental Jerk.