#its like a sore throat but also it isnt

[ilovelickingrocks]

godamit im smoking again and my tolerance goes all the way down to 0 if i dont do it everyday. i think i havent smoked since either sun or mon and i just took a teeny baby hit and coughed a bunch and im prolly gonna get too high before i can actually enjoy it

[lokh]

when to worry about sore throat

[skenpiel]

oh ok. i just figured out what my fucking problem is. its the endometriosis -_-

[synthetic-sonata]

i am going to go insane i have the worst sore throat ever my keyboard is still busted as fuck ( m/p and on/off on the e key ) and still isnt fixed bc the repair date keeps being pushed back and i havw work today and couldnt sleep because of thw fucking sore throat and awful intrusive thoughts when i was trying to sleep

and for context heres what this looks like before i fix it with onscreen keyboard bc my e key isnt working. and onscreen keyboard is very clunky and slow to type or communicate effectively with btw. it used to be just the m key which i could copypaste just fine if not annoyingly. now its 3 major keys. I cant fucking deal with this

[aahsoka]

got sick right at the very end of the semester when i have a million things to do 😑

[baekuras]

anyhow i got sick the moment the weather changed to be any colder so i am currently fighting sleep and nice comfy bed covers so hard to get my weekly grocery delivery to have something to fucking EAT

10more minutes

but dear gods

does my body wanna nap (i have already slept for almost 3 hours after work but i GUESS it wasnt enough)

[tacochippy]

okay so APPERENTLY saying "its okay ive starved for longer" makes your firends worry MORE instead of LESS

[scaracake]

'take me home' in which the crusaders take care of you while you're sick! note: completely self-indulgent. fluffy sick comfort ,slight crack ,ooc chara(?) dunno ,reader is jotaro's sister (jotaro is referred to as older but wrote w the idea of them being twins (at least 18)/similar in age... minimal phys desc. so reader can also be seen as adopted LOL) ,heavy polnareff x reader coded ,clingy!sick reader LOL ,reader is short (lol) ,some japanese terms used (written in eng) ,french terms of endearment ,light cursing... i think thats everything lol.. :X i also realized a lil too late iggy isnt in here but i promise u he's in another draft for something else i started i could never forget him!!!!

'why me?'

you crack your eyes open to the sun peeking through the inn's room window. you immediately notice your throat feeling sore, sniffling nose uncomfortably stuffy, and fatigue enveloping your entire body.

why was it so hot?

you kick off the covers, finding your strength to roll over in an attempt to get out a bed, only pausing when you feel a looming headache clouding your senses.

you sit on the edge of the bed, holding your head in your hands for a few minutes in an attempt to seize the pain, even if only slightly. when nothing seems to change, you get up, stumbling a bit from sudden dizziness before deciding to get yourself ready for the day.

should i go wake jotaro to let him know i'm not feeling well?

the thought leaves you quickly, all too aware of the time crunch you all were on, and you weren't about to slow down the journey in favor of you getting better. who knows how long that might take?

so, despite the way you have to hold onto the bedframe to keep your balance as you change, the way your skin feels like its bursting into flames, wincing in pain every time you swallow and the way your head is throbbing in the worst way possible: you persevere.

does the inn sell medicine anywhere? maybe i can buy some before anyone sees me, and then meet up with them in the dining room later. i'm usually one of the last ones, so it shouldn't be too strange...

with this plan in mind, you check yourself one last time in the mirror before stumbling out of your room, shutting the door with a click.

-

"ah, bonjour, mademoiselle! what a coincidence we're up at the same time, huh?"

polnareff felt so lucky.

were the gods smiling down at him today? had he done something incredibly noteworthy? it didn't look like any of the others were around yet, either.

polnareff getting to spend the morning alone with you????

'score!'

on the other hand....

you freeze.

'of all times-!'

considering your soft spot for the sweet french man (despite never admitting it, convinced it was one-sided), you hardly wished for him to see you in your current state.

however, you weren't about to turn him away (anyway, its not like you two got much one-on-one time on this hectic journey), and so you decide to face him before mustering up a small smile and a wave.

with or without realizing it, polnareff is absolutely beaming at you, eyes practically filled with hearts and his cheeks flushing a light pink, just from a little greeting? you didn't even speak!

he thinks you look so beautiful, like always, and he's thanking the heavens above for being the first one to see you like this today.

he quickly regains his senses before closing the short distance, standing before you.

his smile is dazzling, and he looks as attractive as always today... you hope your appearance looks presentable enough in this state.

"i was just about to make my way to the dining room, i'm starving! care to accompany me, mon mignon?"

you feel your heart race, as it usually does when he casually calls you by names like that. you still aren't sure why he does, but the crusaders always shoot you a knowing look: when you ask, they don't say anything.

realistically, you could probably say no, sneak away to search for that medicine, and then make your way back to find polnareff in the dining room, munching away at whatever suit his cravings before joining him.

on the other hand, polnareff was strangely attentive to you (something that the other crusaders pointed out more times than not, and that polnareff never once denied but rather avoided the accusation), leaving the possibility of him insisting to accompany you wherever you wished to go, no matter how hungry he might be.

indeed, he'd follow you to the ends of the earth if that was your wish, but you didn't need to know that yet.

so, you're left with simply giving him a small nod, following him sluggishly to the elevator as you allow him to talk your ear off about anything that comes to mind as you try to think of another moment to slip away to attain some medicine.

-

since it was still early, the elevator was occupied by only you two. polnareff filled the silence as he continued recalling the last enemy stand fight, and how they were "no match" for his chariot.

polnareff was so animated in his storytelling. he hoped he might impress you with recalling how strong his stand was and, by extension, him.

though, he did think you seemed a little quieter than usual today, but chalked it up to you simply still being tired.

you nodded along as he spoke, smiling at his dramatics when the elevator shook slightly. it didn't help your dizzy state, easily losing your balance and falling right into the man in front of you.

without any struggle, he caught you with ease.

"woah! mon ange, are you alright? i didn't expect you to stumble into me like that!" polnareff was holding you so securely yet gently, one hand on your upper left arm just below your shoulders, the other gently against your waist, looking down at you to quickly scan your face.

he couldn't help but take in the details of your face at this proximity, noticing the dazed look in your droopy-looking eyes, your shallow breaths, your flushed face, and was your skin warmer than usual?

your eyes shift up to meet his, bashful at the proximity before giving a curt nod. "sorry.." you mutter, shifting your gaze away from his dazzling eyes, unable to handle the intense eye contact for much longer.

"chérie, are you-"

ding!

polnareff is interrupted by the elevator doors as they open for you both.

he quickly releases you, muttering a short apology in his native tongue before stepping out first, turning back to make sure you're following close behind.

still feeling the dizziness, you stumble out after him, subconsciously gripping onto his shirt to keep your balance.

'he's so warm...'

you miss the way the silver-haired man's face practically bursts into flames, red hue matching that of his earrings.

"y-y/n-"

"sorry.. i'm still a little dizzy.... don't leave me behind, you walk too fast.."

. . .

'how can someone be this cute?!?!??!'

aside from the fact that polnareff's heart feels like its about to burst, he can't help but notice the fact that 1) he wasn't walking any faster than he normally did, it was actually you that seemed to be walking slower, and 2) he couldn't tell from the brief responses you gave before, but now, he was sure your voice sounded different than usual.

(additionally, he thought, there was no way in hell he'd ever leave you behind anywhere, accident or not. was that really something you were worried about?)

somehow, he slips the hand that was gripping his top into his own, giving it a firm squeeze before offering a triumphant look back to you.

"i-in that case, don't you think this is better, mon ange? th-this way, there's no way you'll be separated from me on the way to the dining room, right?"

you hum, satisfied. his hand is so warm.

he turns towards the direction of the dining room, hiding his red face, hoping his hand doesn't start to sweat as he begins to guide you.

"w-well then, let's go get some food!"

-

no sooner than later, you both arrived to the dining room, finding a table for six to wait at until the rest of the crusaders came down to join you.

"hmmm, it looks like the others aren't down yet. ah, let me get that for you, mon cœur."

polnareff releases your hand in favor of pulling out your chair for you, pushing it in once you're comfortable before taking the seat to your left.

he orders waters for you both to start before you have his full attention.

even the short trip from the room a couple of stories up to the dining room felt tiring, and you took this moment to momentarily shut your eyes and rest in your seat.

polnareff notices your head hanging slightly, as if it's too heavy for you to hold up yourself.

"here, y-you can rest on me," he practically whispers.

he scoots his chair closer to yours, reaching out a hand behind your head, hesitating for a moment in case you decide to pull away before gently leaning you onto his shoulder.

"are you feeling alright today, mon mignon?"

his voice comes out much softer than his usual loud tone that you almost think you only imagined his concern.

you crack open your eyes to meet his, polnareff's face holding pure concern for you.

"mhm," you nod with a hum.

polnareff gives you a hard look, obviously unconvinced. you quickly grow shy under his stare, gaze shifting to your lap.

"you know, you're a pretty bad liar, m'amour~"

despite his words, he says this fondly, resting his chin in his hand, his gaze never leaving you.

you don't answer, fidgeting with your hands.

"let's see.."

he begins reaching the back of his hand out towards your forehead in an attempt to check your temperature when a voice interrupts the moment.

"goodmorning polnareff, y/n-san."

polnareff recoils his hand as kakyoin makes his way to join you two at the table.

damn.. he thought you two would have some more time together.

you look up, smiling at kakyoin, sparing a small wave before closing your eyes once again.

kakyoin takes the seat to your right, raising an eyebrow at your arrangement before shooting a smirk towards the now-blushing french man.

"oh? polnareff... didn't expect you to be so bold."

"a-ah! kakyoin," his gaze shoots around the room, quickly thinking up an excuse at kakyoin's knowing stare. "doesn't the mademoiselle seem out of it today?"

"polnareff!"

despite the bluntness of polnareff's words, upon closer inspection, kakyoin concludes that you do seem to be less energetic than usual, as you're visibly very fatigued.

"is y/n-chan not just tired? it is quite early for them, isn't it?"

polnareff is quick to refute, having taken a closer look at you himself.

"that's-"

"goodmorning you three, you're up early!"

joseph's voice rings out to you three, avdol and jotaro in tow behind him.

kakyoin gestures at you with his eyes before shifting them to the group and back, silently telling polnareff to do something before jotaro or joseph see.

polnareff is quick to gently move your head from his shoulder to the back of your chair, seemingly before anyone else sees.

avdol and jotaro greet you three before they take their seats while joseph comes up behind your chair, beaming down at you before beginning to pat your head.

you wince at the unexpected contact before realizing who it was, quickly sinking into the familiar feeling.

"goodmorning my beautiful granddaughter! did you sleep well? you're up early today, aren't you?"

without opening your eyes, you greet him back with a short "morning, jii-san," still feeling dazed.

"did you order anything yet? you can get anything you like, however much you like, you know?"

his favoritism is really showing.... was the shared thought between the crusaders at joseph's usual cooing.

"sit down already, old man," jotaro scolds, arms folded across his chest.

joseph huffs out a breath before he retracts his hand, making his way to the last seat between kakyoin and jotaro.

polnareff opens his mouth to speak only to be interrupted once more by a waitress coming by to take everyone's orders.

maybe it's best to bring it up later.. i'll just keep an eye on her for now polnareff thought to himself.

once she leaves, everyone engages in small talk, occasionally asking you something or trying to bring you into the conversation.

as much as you usually enjoy chatting with everyone, you're much too distracted. your skin is hot to the touch, yet the dining room is somehow so cold, you keep taking sips of your water in hopes of it soothing your throat, and your head is throbbing, entire body almost begging you to just get back into bed.

because of this, your answers come out short, or you seem to space out of the conversations.

this isn't something that the crusaders don't take notice to, but most chalk it up to you still being sleepy, and simply decide to leave you be.

-

'she doesn't seem to be looking any better...' polnareff frowns at your state, fighting an internal battle trying to decide if he should inquire about your health here and now, or if he was simply overthinking it.

as you're resting, you unconsciously shiver, something your brother jotaro doesn't fail to notice amongst the chatter and laughter at the table.

he mutters his signature "good grief" before standing up to toss his jacket over you before promptly returning to his seat.

you jump at the sudden weight, looking straight across the table at your brother right as he retakes his seat.

you mouth a quick "thank you, nii-chan" readjusting the oversized jacket comfortably, only now realizing how you were shivering.

jotaro only clicks his tongue in return.

despite this, he keeps his attention on you, having sensed something being off with you from the moment he saw you.

(not to mention polnareff's inability to keep his eyes off of you for ten seconds at a time. even if that was the usual case with him, something was different about it this time, like he was concerned about something. as your big brother, he decided to watch you for the time being).

polnareff watched the exchange, wishing he had a jacket that he could wrap around you. he would've loved to wrap his arms around you instead, but no way was he about to do that in front of everyone, much less in front of joseph and jotaro, lest he be restrained by hermit purple and pummeled half to death by star platinum.

. . .

yeah, absolutely not.

just as he shudders at the thought the meals arrive.

"ah, that looks good! bon appetit~"

you nod, picking up your utensils, hoping that having something in your system will improve your state in some way.

-

"y/n-chan, are you not feeling hungry today?"

avdol's inquiry catches the crusader's attention, everyone's eyes shifting to your half-full plate.

you take a peek at everyone else's plates, either empty or almost there, before shaking your head, reaching for your water cup to down the rest of it.

you couldn't bring yourself to eat much more than a couple of bites, only trying for more as to not worry everyone (though, you usually loved to eat to your heart's content, so even seeing you only eat so much has them concerned, something you didn't consider. who knew they were so attentive towards you?)

you pull jotaro's jacket tighter around you. all you want is to lie down in the thick comforter of the inn bed once more, go back to sleep, and hope that that's the remedy for your annoying sickness.

speaking of, even after eating, you don't feel any better. your headache is still ongoing, dizziness lingering so much so that the room is lightly spinning, your throat hurts no matter how much water you've had, and despite your brother's jacket, you still feel so damn cold!

unbeknownst to you, jotaro and polnareff give you a concerned look, noting how cold you seem to be despite being wrapped in such a large jacket. were you breaking out in a cold sweat?

joseph stares at your unfinished plate for a few lingering moments, humming in thought before speaking up.

"well, if everyone's finished, let's get going shall we?"

as everyone begins to get up from their seats, polnareff is quick to get your chair for you again, holding a hand out for you to take.

"allow me, mademoiselle~"

you crack a smile at his antics, standing up before the lingering dizziness takes over completely. the noise around you begins to merge until it fades to nothing at all, and the next thing you know, you're flush against something warm, your consciousness slowly slipping away.

"woah! y-y/n? Y/N! hey, she passed out!!!!"

even through his panic, polnareff acts quickly, catching your now limp body, cradling you securely against his chest.

at polnareff's cries, the rest of the crusaders quickly shift their attention to you two, everyone quickly growing alarmed at your sudden unconscious state.

"Y/N!"

"damn! you really were... you idiot..." mutters jotaro as he quickly makes his way over.

"OH MY GOD-! is she okay??? what happened?? was it something she ate? why didn't she say anything?!??"

no one can keep up with joseph's questions as he checks over you for himself, frustrated and panicked at the same time.

polnareff shifts you in his hold, bringing the back of his hand up to your forehead.

"damn, she's burning up! she really is sick..."

"what should we do, joestar-san? is there anyway i can help?" kakyoin is quick to offer his services in whatever way he can.

"jotaro, kakyoin, go find some place to get medicine for her. avdol, polnareff, take her back to one of the rooms, there's still time until we have to check out. i'll try to get ahold of one of the doctor's to ensure it's nothing serious."

"right. let's go, kakyoin," jotaro gestured to said man, walking off in the direction of the pharmacy.

"we'll be back soon!" kakyoin called, following right beside him.

"come on polnareff, we should get her into bed as soon as possible so she may rest."

"right!"

"take care of her... she's my precious granddaughter!"

even though joseph meant this in a serious way, it still somehow managed to come out in a sulking manner.

"we promise we will, joestar-san," avdol assured. "let's go, polnareff!"

"i swear i will," polnareff nodded, serious expression on his face before he made his way to the elevator with avdol.

polnareff kept hold of you close to his chest, heart pounding in anticipation for the elevator to arrive at the correct floor.

"did she tell you she wasn't feeling well, polnareff?" avdol broke the silence.

polnareff looked up, a guilty expression on his face. "she didn't.. but she did seem off today. i guessed she maybe wasn't feeling well at the table, but i didn't say anything..." he trailed off, regretful.

"perhaps she did not want us to worry, though, her actions were in vain, considering how everyone is scattered like rats now," avdol offered a smile to polnareff.

"so don't beat yourself up over it. i doubt she wanted to look weak, especially in front of you."

polnareff's face tinted pink, eyebrows raising in surprise. "hey, what do you mea-"

ding!

"come now, let's get her to the room, shall we?"

avdol steps out first, polnareff following close after, sparing a look at you in his arms.

'please be okay, y/n....'

-

"..doesn't seem to be serious.... weather change...."

"what a relief......"

"joestar-san, we found medicine!"

"hey, dont wake her-!"

"good grief..."

you stirred from your slumber, cracking your eyes open to see polnareff's worried expression focused on you.

he stood from where he was sat beside the bed, expression immediately brightening.

"hey, she's awake!"

you sit up slightly in your spot, taking a look around the room to see the rest of the crusaders seated around the bed you're resting in.

"ahhh, goodmorning again! it really was too early of a morning for you, hm?" joseph jokes, reaching a hand out to pat your head once more.

jotaro adjusted his hat, giving you a pointed look.

"geez, you're such a troublemaker, you know that? why didn't you just say something... dumbass."

"jotaro! be nice to your sister!"

"i'm sorry for worrying you all-" a short coughing fit interrupts your words, causing polnareff to gently pat your back to help you until it stops.

"i didn't want to hold us back, and i thought it wasn't that serious. i'm really sorry..."

the apology comes out as almost a whisper considering your sore throat, but it's enough to melt everyone's hearts as they're quick to forgive you.

"good grief..." jotaro mutters.

"don't listen to him, he was the most worried, you know?" joseph teases, continuing his patting.

"says you, old man. you're the one that was barking out demands at everyone, pestering the doctor just trying to do their job."

joseph retracts his hand in favor of pointing it at jotaro.

"why you-!"

you laugh at their bickering before kakyoin intervenes, attention completely on you.

"y/n-chan, it's such a relief you're alright. here, we have some medicine for you. it's supposed to work quite quick, and since you've already eaten something, i recommend you take it right away!"

you nod, thanking him sincerely.

you just begin to realize that you're no longer in jotaro's jacket (as he's wearing it once again), but that you're still incredibly warm before avdol quickly pipes up.

"are you warm enough? i had magician's red warm the blankets for you since you were shivering so much in your sleep."

you nod, thanking him too, before shifting your attention back to polnareff, who had retaken his seat: the one closest to you.

"you really worried me, you know? of course, it's a knight's job to protect the princess, but i didn't expect you to collapse into my arms like that! give a guy a warning next time, will you??"

despite his teasing, his eyes are darting around, and you can see what you think is a hint of a blush covering his cheeks- you're sure your own face is flushed by his words.

you're not sure if it's because of his heartfelt words, his bashful expression, or your sick-dazen state (maybe all of the above) but you reach out your arms to hug his left arm that's closest to you.

"Y-Y/N- wha- that's-"

"'m sorry, jean.... didn't mean to scare you so much..." you mutter, practically nuzzling into his arm, disregarding the others in the room.

his heart feels like its running a hundred miles a minute, and he doesn't think he'll ever get over how his name sounds spoken from your lips (even with your cracked voice).

as much as he loves you clinging to him like this, he can't help but fear for his life when jotaro and joseph are in the same room with him.

"h-he-hey! you must reaaaally be out of it. ka-kakyoin give her- hey, quit laughing! gi-give her the medicine, will you??!"

kakyoin stifles his laughter, quickly handing him a small plastic cup with the orange liquid at the correct measurement.

"here, i've already filled it up for you, y/n-chan. you just have to take it now."

your nose wrinkles at the smell alone, quickly tucking your head back into polnareff's arm and away from the medicine in kakyoin's outstretched hand.

"jeez, you're such a child," jotaro rolls his eyes at your reluctance. "i'll make you drink it if i have to."

joseph takes the cup with a proud "watch this, this always worked on my holly!" before holding it out to you.

"y/n~ if you drink this for jii-san, i'll buy you anything you like, okay?"

you turn back, give the medicine in his hand one single glance before shaking your head, hugging polnareff's arm closer to your chest.

joseph's triumphant smile quickly drops.

"WHAT??!?!"

"that sure worked like a charm," jotaro jokes.

"hey polnareff, why don't you try offering it to her?"

avdol suggests this with a playful smile on his face, almost as if he knew that it would work, but simply framed the tactic as a suggestion.

polnareff, still flustered, only nods, taking the medicine cup from a (pouting) joseph before lightly shaking his left arm to get your attention.

"come mon ange, i know this medicine doesn't ever taste good, but it's the only way to help you get better," he whispers.

you give a slow nod, and he's confident that he's got you.

"oui oui, that's it. i'll even..." he takes a side glance to the rest of the crusaders, eyes all locked on you two.

"i'll even help you. ready?"

you pick up your head, raising your lips to the small cup. polnareff tilts the liquid into your anticipating mouth, and you squeeze your eyes shut once the flavor hits your tongue.

in no time at all, the cup is empty, and you're reaching for a cup of water that was left at your bedside (something that polnareff left for you when you woke up, ready to ensure you'd be hydrated) which polnareff gets for you, trickling the water into your mouth slowly to ensure nothing would spill.

when you gestured you had enough, polnareff retracted the cup, swiping a thumb over your lips to dry them before placing the cup back on the bedside table.

". . ."

the crusaders almost felt like they had intruded on something that they shouldn't have.

the first one to say something was joseph, who was gawking at the entire exchange.

"OH-MY-GOD-!!!!!!!!"

polnareff jumped at joseph's cry.

"joestar-san-!"

"joestar-san, quiet down, she may still have a headache!" kakyoin gently scolds.

"calm down, old man," jotaro states plainly. "she took the medicine, right?"

avdol couldn't hold in his laughter, sending a wink towards polnareff, who quickly looked down at you, seemingly unbothered by your grandfather's antics.

you watch the chaos unfold, grateful to have everyone by your side like this.

"how long are we staying here?" you piped up, causing the commotion to momentarily seize.

joseph checked his watch before speaking up.

"hmm, we still have a couple of hours until we need to check out. take that time to rest up all that you can. by the time we leave, you'll have to take more medicine. if you're still too weak, one of us will have to carry you, alright?"

you nodded, "ok, jii-san."

"oooh that's it. now, you just be a good girl and rest up for the time being, ok?"

you nod again before looking back to polnareff.

"you're going to stay here, right?"

polnareff has always been weak to your charms, but something about you asking him to stay with that wide-eyed dazed look, your cute flushed face, your pursed pink lips-

it makes him almost completely fall at your mercy.

"of c-"

"hmm? will you, polnareff? are you sure you don't have anything more important to do? i'm completely capable of-"

"oh shut it, old man. she wants him to stay, he'll stay. i'll drag you out of here myself if i have to."

"JOTARO! you can't be serious!!! you're really okay with this???!"

"it doesn't matter to me," he trails off.

"but jotaro-!"

you're still looking up at polnareff expectantly, and he can't bare the thought of saying no to you.

"o-of course i'll stay. if that's what you want..." he replies bashfully.

he looks back to see both joseph and jotaro giving him a hard look.

did he say something wrong?!??!

"no funny business, yeah? she's sick-"

"what do you take me for?!??!"

"just make sure she's okay... let us know of any changes," jotaro says, giving polnareff a stern look. "that's my sister, ya know? wouldn't want anything unfortunate happening to the brat."

"of course, i'll let you know right away!" polnareff says a little louder than intended, hoping to earn both men's trust.

why do you have to have such scary relatives, mon coeur?!?!?

joseph lets out one last grunt before he steps out of the room, jotaro following after him.

"we'll be taking our leave to. i'll come back to check on her later, but if you need anything, i'll get it for you."

"kakyoin! you're the best, i appreciate it, really!"

kakyoin smiles before stepping out, back to his and jotaro's shared room.

avdol smiles knowingly at polnareff before speaking up.

"i almost thought i was watching a romance movie, with the way you fed her there."

"avdol!!!"

he chuckles, standing up and making his way out of the room.

"if she's cold again, let me know, and i'll bring out magician's red again. though, she seems... quite cozy for now, so i'm not too sure that will be necessary," he winks.

"avdol-!"

"see you lovebirds later," he waves before closing the door.

polnareff let's out a sigh, looking down at you, already having dozed off, still clutching onto his arm.

'what am i going to do with you, mon trésor?'

-

later, when it's finally time to check out, you're lightly shaken awake to get your next dose of medicine before polnareff offers you a ride on his back, gently settling you before you rest once more. because of this, you miss the way he's blushing hard, all too aware of your soft, warm body so close to his, and you miss the looks that your brother and joseph shoot at him, ensuring that he's holding you securely. the crusaders talk about their next stop while polnareff is lost in his thoughts.

he decides that, once you're feeling better, he ought to be honest with you and confess his feelings properly. for now, he'll continue to do everything that he can to help you feel better, and to keep you extra safe until then.

-

a/n: omg i actually wrote something lol.... wanted to write something w polnareff for awhile n i was sick recently so in that state i wrote this up LOL.... feel like i don't see a surplus off jjba x reader on here ,so i also wanted to write something myself hehe... hopefully it came out well? i was originally just gonna do short hc's but then this happened.... editing this drove me insane LOL. tbh im only on pt4 of jojos ,but still hoping to write more in the future :P my only concern is the french petnames.... i searched up a list for ideas but from my memory, i remember the mon/ma but the list i found only had "mon" for some pet names n both options for the other ,so that's why there's both. otherwise, i hope it came out well n if anyone reads it ,thanks lol~

[the-s1lly-corner]

Maybe TADC Characters X Reader who loves gossip?

TADC cast x reader who loves to gossip!

Okok I know I have a track record of saying ik only goinv to answer a few asks then go to bed but I think I might actually

Go to bed soon

Im still feeling unwell and tbh its been getting worse; what was originally stuffy noses and sore throat is now that + fatigue and headaches (but no more sore throat!! Yay!)

Very bad sinus pain though

So uh uh

Only a handful of requests tonight then I might try to sleep

Very short since I'm sick + im on mobile + not many ideas are happening here <\3

CAINE:

Now caine looooooves to gossip, not even as a malicious thing he just likes speculating what the silly people in this circus do when hes not around

I like to think that caine definitely would play match maker should a circus member fall in love with someone, so he asks you for any and all details and secrets

POMNI:

Probably uses your habit of gossiping to try to find an exit. I mean you have a lot of into on other people, what's to say you dont have info on other things? Its worth a shot, at least in her eyes

Thus leads to her uncomfortable sitting next to you while you spew a bunch of stuff that happened before she joined the circus

RAGATHA:

Definitely on the side of "I dont like talking about people behind their back especially if its something petty or none of my business"

Obviously venting is a different story but this ask is specifically about gossip

I don't think she would like gossiping that much, other peoples business isnt her business you know?

Politely asks you to not involve her

JAX:

Jax probably has lied about another circus member before. Harmless rumors, of course, ones that are totally outrageous and only the more gullible would believe

So you two make a powerful duo, when we also take his pranks and jokes into account...

KINGER:

I think he likes some basic gossip. Like a "I heard (x) said (y) to (z), can you believe that" kind of gossip

But does it count as gossip if hes just relaying something most of the other crew knows?

Probably not but given his state of mind half the time can you really blame him?

ZOOBLE:

I took she would occasionally engage on gossip

Is it still considered gossip if its just shit talking, though? Because boy, I really do headcannon that zooble does NOT like jax in particular

Honestly you two can probably sit down and talk about stuff for HOURS

GANGLE:

Very awkward about it, similarly to ragatha I dont think she would be too big of a fan of gossiping about others

Gangle strikes me at the type to keep to herself and mind her own business tbh, not much else to say

Kind of just quietly let's you talk, very obviously doesnt want to engage in the gossip

[yinora-evergreen]

Hello to my fav dbd writerrr 🤫

I've been a little sick lately and mom put me on phone ban for now lmao(but I still get sneaky with it)

So while I have time I wanted to request a fic but this time with crystal and charles with a sick s/o (if I remember right you're okay with that poly stuff?🤔LMK ANYWAY) just a cozy fluff bc it's rlly needed rn 👎 take your time and thank you <3

(p.s how have you been!!)

— 🦋 anon xoxo

a/n: AWW I'M YOUR FAVORITE? <3 i've been doing pretty good, for me, test week starts next friday, which i'm absolutely not exited for, though i am going to a Rammstein concert soon, which is going to be a lot of fun! my throat has been sore for the whole week, its gotten to the point where if i open my mouth too wide it hurts in the back of my throat, which sucks, but i'll get over it. i hope you get well soon! you have my best wishes <3

Pairing: Crystal Palace x alive!reader x Charles Rowland

note: i wrote this with alive!reader because if i remember correctly, ghosts can't get sick! like, in the scene where Edwin and Charles [i believe in episode two] they had to find the right book, and they found it and it had pictures of what each paranormal parasite does, and Charles went "i think i'm gonna be sick" and Edwin replied with "you're a ghost Charles, you can't get sick" not me randomly remembering lore this is also written from a bit of a more personal experience when i'm sick, so i apologize if it isnt accurate FOR YOU. whenever i get sick i'm extremely sensitive to noise and light, so i end up practically cocooning myself in a blanket (which gets kicked off half a minute later bc its too hot) with the lights off and a barely audible show playing in the background. also, if you're vegetarian, please imagine a different soup.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"aw, you're burning up, do you want some soup?" Crystal asks quietly as she retracts her hand from your clammy forehead, trying to stay more quiet than usual in the hopes of not overwhelming you with sound. you merely nod, barely keeping your eyes open. "okay, wait here" Crystal gives you a small smile and kisses your forehead, before walking out of your room and closing the door.

you can hear her practically yelling at Charles to get in there and comfort you while she's out to get chicken soup

half a minute later, Charles walks in through the wall, walking over to your bedside.

"hey there, you alright?" he lowers his voice a little once he sees your discomfort with the initial volume.

"i feel like shit, probably look like it too..." you mumble, your voice hoarse.

"nah, you still look like an angel to me, love" he gives you his signature, charming smile.

you'd roll your eyes if it weren't for the booming headache.

he sighs softly, realizing just how bad you feel.

"are you burning up? i could cuddle with you if you want, you know, cuz us ghosts have a cooler temperature" he murmurs softly, and once you nod, he lifts the blanket carefully and climbs in next to you, your head on his chest and his arms around your waist.

within a few minutes, he can hear your breath going steady and calm, slowing down ever so slightly.

you have fallen asleep.

he smiles to himself, even more so when he look down at you, seeing how you're practically clinging onto him.

he stays as still as he can, despite not being able to sleep himself, he made you and Crystal a promise he's take care of both of you, no matter what. and he intends to keep it.

Crystal comes in a little later, with a hot bowl of chicken soup, a spoon, a cup of tea and some painkillers.

they share a look of understanding, and Charles carefully peppers your face in gentle kisses, featherlight yet enough to wake you up.

"goodmorning sunshine" he murmurs a little playfully, your groggy bedhead being picture perfect to him, absolutely gorgeous.

Crystal smiles sympathetically at you.

"i got you chicken soup, and a cup of tea, so you can take your painkillers" the moment the mention of the medicine falls off her tongue, you whine and shove your face right back into Charles' chest, making him chuckle.

"come on princess, you gotta take them, they'll make you feel better" he coos into your ear, slowly letting you go to get up, so you'll be able to sit up properly aswell.

reluctantly, you get up, tipping back the painkillers first, with a big gulp of tea, and you look at both of them.

your not-so-picture perfect lovers, meant to be just for you.

they both smile at you, and Crystal hands you your bowl of chicken soup.

once your finished with the soup, Crystal takes the now-empty bowl from you and walks out for a second to put them in the kitchen, unbeknownst to her though, Charles follows her.

she only notices once she feels his arms around her waist, and his chin on her shoulder.

"i wish we could do more for [name]" he mumbles.

"i know, me too" she whispers back, running a hand through his curls.

"lets go comfort our poor baby" she smile as she says it, turning around in his arms to take his hand and go back to your room.

[dragon-queen21]

GUESS WHO

(before i start, metal family is originally a russian cartoon on youtube that was dubbed in english. its about in not my words “the most unhealthy healthy family ever” like the name suggests, music is a huge part of it. in later episodes there are a few trigger warnings that apply but the shows pretty good! and honestly has a lot of agere potential but)

(also i wanna drop, i was thinkin about this earlier but i like to think that nezuko is perma-regressed or close to it. she almost constantly acts younger than she is, and honestly i think it could be a way to cope with her bein a demon, and maybe it could suppress demon urges with baby urges. (like being comforted, sleepin, lookin up to someone) anyway now im thinkin of tanjiro just carryin her around like a baby when shes in her little form)

-no because your so right, i was thinkin about the zeff one and let me raise up your raise up:

zeff raised sanji, and this poor boy has a crazy amount of trauma, at the time of meeting zeff was pretty fresh too. now zeff watchin this boy grow up in his teen years, only to realize that “hey, somethings off sometimes” that zeff recongized arent sanjis regular trauma responses that zeff knows, zeff paying more attention and whys the kid not talkin durin food prep? sanji has a big mouth how hasnt zeff noticed that before? or how sanji would sometimes stand a little closer to zeff than normal, or when the customers ask sanji a question some days, he’ll look and find zeff before answering. or how his eyes would full up with tears before bein forced away like the kid refused to cry. and oh, this reminds him of the eggplant right when they started the baratie, just a bit more sensitive if the tears & fist clenchin has anythin to say about it. (later he opens one of the psychology books he got a little after he adopted sanji, and finds “age regression” and it all clicks.)

i feel like zeff wouldnt treat sanji different when hes obviously feelin little (aside from basic care just to make sure sanji doesnt hurt himself) he wouldnt treat him like a burden or annoyingly like a baby. i feel like that would make sanji feel terrible about himself, so just the normalcy even when hes little encourages him that its okay, hes still helping its okay, no one cares that your biting your nails after zeff just told you not too. zeff wouldnt tell sanji he knows that he age regresses, and sanji doesnt tell zeff hes little. (but sometimes maybe zeff, on days the baratie isnt as busy and they can afford to work slower, zeff likes to subtly do things to make the eggplant regress farther. just enough to where he can still work and not be extremely overwhelmed, while still helpin sanji cope) (it goes well, the other chefs never catch on to this, thank irene am i right)

-sanjis definitly the kinda kid to regress if he ever gets sick. hes not used to bein sick as it is, and i feel like due to this that when he does get sick, he gets *SICK* like bedridden type shit. he totally makes someone take care of him, “oh chopper you wanna do somethin else? too bad! hes sick and hes makin it everyones problem.” “oh nami you wanted to come check up on his while chopper managed to slip away, oh well you just sealed your fate, that boy is clingin to you like big sanji has never done before.”

the baby is cryin because he wont stop coughin and its givin him a headache, only to cry harder when chopper tries to give him cough medicine. hes screamin cryin because he feels icky, but hes also cryin because now he has a sore throat.

-ive seen some people say that sanji probably wouldnt throw many fits or have many tantrums, and i agree with that, but oh my irene let that kid have a tantrum, let him whine and cry and make the crew scramble to fix the problem, as a treat🫶 let him cause baby mayhem, let him create disarray, hes never done a bad thing in his life, lets get that number to one shall we?

(-zoro givin lil sanji a sip of his booze because sanji wont stop askin,

sanji takes one sip, and then promptly spits it out, zoro just laughin his lungs out.)

OKAY THATS IT, this was gonna be about lil zoro too but. sanji took it over, wow im never on track with these, f plannin lets see what happens, also wanted to ask, where are you jn one piece rn? i wanna make sure i dont spoil ☹️ (im in post timeskip — punk hazard) i try to leave these asks/rambles ambiguous to the time period because i know you only take pre time skip, but sometimes i think i make it a bit more specific so sorry just in case)

and i hope your doing well too, make sure to take breaks and everythin for yourself, mental health comes first, and thank you for the prayers 🤍 right back at ya

📷

:D heyoh friend!

~See you get it! I always thought that with Nezuko. Especially felt this after the red light district when Tanjiro’s singing is what stops her from loosing control.

~Things are a lot easier to process as a toddler simply looking up to Tanjiro to take care of her.

~But also baby space Nezuko, being swaddled by Tanjiro. Confusing everyone at first because- why does Tanjiro have a baby???

~Maybe she was regressed when the attack happened and that’s what lets her change her height/age as a demon. <-random idea anyways

Okay One Piece now

~~~

~I started a long time ago a fic with Zeff figuring out that Sanji regresses. It ended up being kind of dark with other unhealthy coping mechanisms included. Anyways sharing because I have always loved the idea of Zeff just, getting the chance to look after his little eggplant again.

~Idea: Zeff calling Sanji baby eggplant when he knows the boy is regressed without realizing, and Sanji just panics for a moment because- ‘oh hell Zeff hasn’t called me that in years. He knows! No he doesn’t. Yes he does!’

~“oh chopper you wanna do somethin else? too bad! hes sick and hes makin it everyones problem.”

<-

Jdjodbsjbdj oh my gosh XD Luffy too. They would both be so dramatic. Imaging them both being sick and regressed together. The mopiest and clingiest babies ever.

And poor Nami. Can’t even properly pry off Sanji without feeling bad. She has to just resign to her fate of getting sick from the baby.

~No I agree. Let him be fussy and inconsolable. As a treat :3 ( <- coming from the regressor who would also like to throw a tantrum sometimes but can’t) Too many big emotions that are too hard to process.

~Also Franky teaching him how to throw a “proper” tantrum. And Robin using her devil powers to catch flying books and objects thrown across the room, to make sure nothing breaks so that Sanji doesn’t feel bad after, but not exactly stopping the little. Just letting it run its course. Scribbling over the page of a coloring books and snapped crayons and ripped pages.

(<- Has too many ideas, can you tell?)

XD honestly I do the same thing. My brain is all over the place always.

Story time to answer your question! I watch one piece with my mom, as it’s her favorite anime. Currently I am at water seven although I’ve seen enough spoilers that I belive I can write most of the main crew with reason. Not the first time I’ve written fandom blind/ character blind and no ones called me out on it yet >:3 (I have about 15 or so fics on ao3 for a fandom I never watched a single episode for)

Usually watch an episode or two a day but the hyperfixation of this series called the Andy Griffith show has taken over One Piece right now so I will be on water seven for awhile longer. But feel free to mention any characters really, I’ll still do my best to comment on them :D

[bonesandthebees]

WE’RE ALL SYNCED NOOO…. everyone remember to rest and eat and hot water bottles help with cramps but don’t burn urselves .. and maybe take some paracetamol too (or ibuprofen if ur feeling silly) my mother swears by it . I think it’s just a desi thing and like willpower i forgot tje term but like . when u believe something will help u so much it does . But it works for me..

AND HONEY WATER!! i will stand by honey water till the day i die just boil some water and add some honey and wait for it to cool (don’t burn ur throats guys) Or just add a bit of cold water like i do and supposedly that helps with a sore throat and it makes u feel all warm and fuzzy . my Dad taught me the first one he says its cause of the texture i never fact checked that

i’m getting carried away with the random food things ONE MORE FOR GOOD LUCK if u want . to make Desi chai . boil half a cup of water and put tjat in a tiny saucepan with the teabag, one cardamom (make sure u crack it open so the tiny little seeds drop out), like a Teaspoon of fennel seeds or something idk i just add whatever amount looks good, and optionally a little bit of cinnamon (again i just wing it just add a small bit) and some sugar/sweetener and let that all simmer for like 30 seconds while u get half a cup of milk and pour that into ur saucepan . Thenn you wanna mix that around a bit and leave it all to . cook? that doesn’t sound like the right word… whatever. leave it for a few minutes and ur final step is when the chai starts rising u let it rise to the top and then turn down the heat and let it sink (i have a gas stove but if you have an electric ermm just set it aside for two secs to sink i think that’ll work). let it rise and sink three times!!! this really makes the flavour pop according to my dad!! then just strain it and enjoy :3 i lovee chai it was inevitable being pakistani HAHA it always makes me feel better after anything whether i feel sick or something bad happens or if i’m just silly chai is just nice for any occasion . my phopo calls me an auntie but Likeee isnt being a rich brown auntie the life…… im not rich yet but one day guys trust

anyway that got long HAHA i love cooking and baking and stuff … and home remedies MEDICATION IS GOOD DONT GET ME WRONG but sometimes im too lazy to run to the shops and get some cough syrup or something so i just make some honey water .. please take ur meds and get vaccinated though guys ❤️ stay safe hope u liked my chai :3

do you know how many asks I've gotten saying they're also on their period literally why are all of my followers synced up WHAT IS THIS

everyone listen to our friend here. honey water sounds lovely I'll have to try it. usually I just go for drinking honey straight out of the bottle if I have a sore throat but I suppose honey water might work a bit better lol

also OOOO CHAI!! tbh I've always wanted to make chai at home because so often chai I've gotten in coffee shops just... isn't it. but when it's good it's so good. I'm going to take note of this so I can get some cardamom and fennel seeds from the store :))) so excited to try it

[aller-geez]

Get to know my OC, Remington!!

(Im sure it can be confusing since that is my name also, but I actually got my name from him 🥰 so he came first)

Full Name: Remington Connors

Age:

28

Sex:

Male

Description:

Remington is a large, stocky 28 year old. Hes very stoic, and keeps to himself 99% of the time to avoid spending time around other people. He is also a wolfboy, and can have pure black wolf ears & tail. He is hot headed, and very stubborn, and will not tolerate others pushing him or his mate, Levi around. He loves to play on his natural intimidation. He has shoulder length black hair, and radioactive green eyes that always glow, however the light dims significantly if hes ill. He also has 1" red tunnels in his ears, the bridge of his nose pierced, as well as two piercings on each side of his bottom lip.

Other:

He also constantly has blood stored within his body that runs out of his nose/mouth whenever he experiences extreme emotions, as sort of a defense mechanism for his species. When sneeze attacks get too intense, he cant help the small sprays of blood that accompany them.

Allergies:

Only allergy is cats, which seems to be a fun game for his mate Levi who can freely switch between human and snow leopard, and enjoys teasing the normally very dominant male.

How severe are they?:

Hes a sniffly, hitchy, sneezy mess for the next few days if Levi is feeling extra mean, and coax out some desperate fits just rubbing his tail under his nose 🥰

Anything else that makes them sneeze?:

He does have a photic sneeze reflex and is sometimes sensitive to temperature changes.

Do they get sick often?:

As strong, and healthy as he looks and acts on the outside, poor Remi catches a cold every few weeks, unless hes been extremely lucky. As much as he tried to deny the existence of the "Man Flu", hes a big baby every time he gets sick again.

How bad is it usually?:

Every cold involves at LEAST one box of tissues in his lap, with a couple single ones never not clamped tightly to his nose as he constantly tries to fend off the coming onslaught. His whole body quits, and he definitely isnt much help when out of commission. Can get pretty messy, and definitely will have used tissues everywhere.

Do they stifle?:

About 50% of the time, as too many full sneezes can cause him massive nosebleeds, resulting in an extremely sore throat.

How loud are their sneezes?:

He tends to have pretty good fits, but they dont tend to get louder until the very last, desperate sneezes. Plus, he doesnt like to draw attention to himself sneezing if at all possible.

What do they sneeze into? (Hands, handkerchief, nothing?):

Honestly, Remi is HORRIBLE about remembering to cover his sneezes. Levi will constantly have to nudge a sick Remi to gently remind him to at least sneeze into his elbow. But prepare for the splash zone until Levi has to remind him again.

How often do they sneeze?:

When sick, hes a continuously sneezy mess that cant concentrate on anything other than his nose itching and bothering him. When healthy, you can still expect at LEAST 3 in a day.

How many times do they sneeze in a fit?:

Usually 3-4 is a normal fit, but he has personally counted and got to 142 sneezes in one day from one of his usual nasty colds.

Do they have buildups, or are they sudden?:

Allergies come suddenly and completely unexpected, which tends to be a problem for the wolf since he had no time to prepare. However, when dealing with a cold, he is constantly twisted up in a presneeze face, with a balled up soggy tissue trying its best to keep up with both the ITCHY tickle, and the lake pouring from his nose.

Do they sneeze in public?:

He'll try his best to avoid it, as having someone notice that his hard, tough exterior has a weak spot, is definitely not what he wants. But yknow, its Remi and his nose, so its not out of the question.

Some examples of their sneezes?:

-' TSCHh!

Hih-ITSHuu!

hhn'TSCHH'huh!

AH'SCHUu!!

[pataheart]

Spiderton x reader? (If it's allowed anyways-)

oh standoffish you just opened the floodgates for me to project... my singular wife spiderton he is so pretty and gorgeous. thank u..

- spiderton, despite acting high and mighty in battle, keeps to himself. it could be something small like getting a bruise or a cut, but he often fusses about having a sore throat or headache. he seems like a double-edged sword at moments

- spiderton is also clingy but he isnt entirely /aware/ of that. he wraps his arms around your own and stays put unless asked to latch off. the thing is that, if you point this out to him, hes bound to fuss about it as well.

- hes usually asking if something like blueprints "looks good" with you specifically, hoping for some sort of praise from you. he doesnt like sulk if you say its bad or anything, because he might end up agreeing with you

- spiderton would be joyous if you offered to help out with his horse. due to his military duties he cant check up on her much, so hes glad to have help where its due. besides, he dreams of you and him riding his steed off into the sunset..

- it would be pretty obvious if he had a crush on you honestly. he shows off to you more often, tries to cling to you at times, and is talkative.. that, or he just wants to be your friend?

- he can be blinded by his affection towards someone though, in this case being you. he might attempt to show off skills of his, before having to be brought to the nurses for getting a burning injury. he'd regret it eventually, but his eyes light up if you visit to see if hes okay.

- spiderton sometimes works with weapons (and 80 percent of the time, its lances) so its no wonder if he offers one for you to test. some of them are right out of the boiling water, which he doesnt account thanks for boil-protection gloves. he'll gift you a pair as an apology, alongside looking at you like hes done the worst thing he could think of (getting you burned on accident)

- one of his hobbies is crocheting, but he isnt too good at it. its something that he can relax doing, and it can be fascinating to watch him do his best. for all you know, hes working on a blanket for you!

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

#HONESTLY#i dont EVER bring up my anxiety and trauma if im getting a physical issue treated. it will be dismissed immediately

I had a doctor once ask my father to leave the room, then proceeded to tell me that my sore throat was all in my head, and I was making it up for attention -- because I was bipolar. I told him no, that wasnt the case, I was genuinely sick, and he rolled his eyes, said he would do a strep test "to make me feel better", did the test, and left. 20 minutes later he came back and told me the strep test came back positive. No apology, nothing.

This was for strep throat. I had similar things happen for much more important stuff that I dont want to get into. I'm in the middle of a very long process for a condition thats giving me progressive spinal cord damage, and all I can think about is that if I had "substance use disorder" on my medical record, how likely is it that I would just not have been listened to about this. If you have anxiety youre a "hypochondriac". If you're an addict you're "drug seeking". if you're bipolar or schizospec you're making it up, possibly for attention. This shit kills people. This isnt even getting into the inherently carceral nature of the psychiatric system in the US (and elsewhere)

Doctors are not, in fact, neutral figures that can be blindly trusted with any and all information, and pretending they are can literally get people killed. Abled people have GOT to do better.

I KNOW THE ORIGINAL QUOTE. This is about how people misquote it, as well as how they view the phrase as meaning "all medical professionals". ALSO! emts are not the neutral figures you think they are. please stop spewing your lack of understanding on the topic all over my tags, its embarrassing.

finally, THIS POST IS ABOUT DRUGS. FIRST AND FOREMOST IT IS ABOUT DRUGS. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY AN ADDICT. the way yall are talking about addicts and drugs users in the tags is so fucking dehumanising. you are part of the problem. Id suggest non addicts shut their traps please and thank you.

i wrote this in the notes of another post originally and am copy + pasting it here because im right but "tell the cops nothing, tell the doctors everything" is such a stupid ass fucking abled take. doctors engage in policing idk how to explain to yall that some people cannot in fact just tell doctors everything without it putting them at risk

like im not gonna go into the myriad of ways this is bs but like a quick example is i cant tell my doctors about my substance use issues because if i get that listed on my medical records it will actively endanger me. It will impact how I'm treated in emergency situations and will get me labeled as "drug seeking" when i try to get other issues dealt with.

i dont say this to scare people but because this is actually important information for people to have. if a medical professional claims this isnt an issue, they are NOT "one of the good ones". they are either straight up lying or theyre utterly unaware, which is frankly not better. doctors are cops. never forget it

like YES tell ur doctor abt being sexually active but stop saying "tell the cops nothing and the doctor everything" before i start killing in cold blood

[thats-sir-dyke-to-you]

Long rant about my feelings and health or whatever

My feeding tube is causing me SO MUCH THROAT PAIN OH MY GOD

And there's nothing i can do to soothe it. Its sore because there's hard plastic where it shouldn't be.

This tube is so much more of a pain than my other one. Its just flat out a worse tube. Its a thicker french which is fine so far, but the material is firmer. Its not bouncy silicone. It doesnt give. The connection point also sucks like its cheaper plastic and its just nasty.

Like my first tube was fit at a private hospital, and this one in a public. Like is the quality in funding that intense that private health patients get better feeding tubes?

Ive also been on a NJ for 4 months. I should have a more permanent one. Like nasal tubes are just not long term options. I guess when i see my gastro in 3 months from now i can point out that, "hey, ive been on a nasal tube for 7 months. Weaning isnt working. Ive tried and the amount of food i can eat is not enough to sustain me and if you take me off this tube i will start starving. We can do that, i'll starve until im dangerously thin again and then we can talk about placing another tube, or we can accept that i cant eat enough with intervention to sustain my body and i need a more permanent solution."

Like the guidelines say that if someone is going to require a feeding tube for more than 3 months, a PEG or PEG-J should be placed.

Its also getting to the point where im having difficulty swallowing. Again. Like im starting to choke. Food hits the back of my throat and gets stuck and i cant swallow completely. And i dont think the tube is helping, i think its making it worse.

Like its getting to a point where im struggling to take my medication. Im pretty sure im going to have to start crushing some of my pills. (I cant crush all of them bc some of them are longer release and thats frustrating. And crushing pills every day is very quickly going to become something im going to struggle with as an ADL but i cant keep choking on my meds, and the last thing i want is another damn pill ulceration as well)

Pretty sure my NJ tube is also now an NG because i had to pull it out a little bit after they placed it because i wasnt able to access it at the length it was. But despite it probably being NG i cant tolerate high volumes of feed. I feel full on 50ml an hour and if i push it above 85ml i start feeling nausea.

I also cant throw up because if i do throw up the tube comes with it. So not only do i already eat like a mouse in order to avoid nausea but i also eat way less than i physically can because if i do i will vomit and i cant risk the tube.

Its just so frustrating.

I have global dysmotolity since its affecting my oesophagus and stomach. I have HSD and POTS as well so this isnt an unusual presentation of gastroparesis. I just. I need a more permanent solution than irritating nasal tubes that keep getting yanked on and cause constant discomfort.

And i know a PEG-J will have its own host of problems. I know ill likely have some serious problems with a stoma because im prone to keloiding and hypertrophic scars. God knows id likely get granulation tissue. I just think this whole feeding tube thing is more permanent than the initial short term that was suspected.

And 3 years of avoiding nausea and living with this has made me so avoidant of food. Ive developed a really fun, cool, awesome eating disorder. Sometimes that even feels like a cop out because its OSFED and doesnt look like what most ED's ive been exposed to should look like. Like years of starvation have completely fried my brains ability to regulate my hunger. Like i barely have any hunger signals during the day and im a champ at ignoring them anyway because i want to avoid nausea and pain, only then to be prone to waking up in the middle of the night to binge (read: eat a normal amount which feels like murder on my stomach). Ive gotten so used to nausea that nausea and feeling full feel the same. Like. How fucked up is that.

Im on antipsychotics that are supposed to help with nausea and they do to a certain extent but im just fed up with being on so many meds. Like i easily spend $150 on meds and thats WITH most of my meds being $7. Like its just so frustrating.

And seasonal depression is kicking my ass so bad that im worried im gonna need another stint in the psych ward at this point, but once again theres no time in my life. And theres so much to do at home and i just have no energy to do any of it. I dont even have energy to look after myself. And the house is a wreck and i know i have to get it in order but it just feels impossible. And adequate nutrition is helping with the fatigue but i still feel so unmotivated down to my bones.

Im pinching my gf's ADHD medicine just to be able to function enough to get shit done and i still cant even take care of myself, its just so frustrating. Disability and mental health have woven themselves into such a tight downward spiral that i just feel trapped. I feel trapped in my body. I feel trapped in my house. I feel trapped in my head. I just dont know what to do. I feel so out of control and useless.

I need to see my psychologist again because im spiraling. Like even my partner said that in the last two weeks ive been in a serious nose dive. But i cant get my stupid NDIS stuff sorted. Like i have all the funding i need to see her i just cant get it implemented because i dont have a support coordinator yet and its just driving me mad. I had one and then she quit and that was a month ago and im still waiting to even have an intake appointment. And its one of those things where i dont know the first place to get started doing it myself, but i also feel like even if i understood what to do just just wouldnt be able to do it.

And money is such a worry because im supposed to save up at least a 1.5k, if not more for this trip overseas which im really looking forward too. Like i get to see family i havent seen in a decade, im stoked. But im worried about how im going to feed over there, and how im even going to afford the trip. Then theres the fact that i want to save up enough money for christmas gifts and an engagement ring and on top of all that i had plans for two health related things that i wont get to until next year.

I need another ulnar nerve transposition done, but its going to be 2.5k to afford it, which is a lot of money. I could talk to my dad about affording it but hes already given me so much money this year and i dont want to ask for more. Then theres the fact that im trying to save up to get tested for autism because im fairly sure i have it and thats another grand. And it would be worth it because if i do have it i could get so many more supports than i have now. It would also just make me feel like im not failing at life anymore. Because right now i feel like i dont have a reason to be struggling this much because nothings wrong with me. Nevermind that i have so much shit going on i dont know what to do with it.

Ive just been stressed about money for so long at this point. Ive been stressed for a year about it, like. Its driving me mad. I make half of minimum wage on DSP, which is frankly appalling because im disabled and therefore all of my shit is more expensive. And then theres the energy bill which is going to be insane because theres a cost of living crisis and everyone is getting price shocked.

Im just so stressed and all of the stress just rolls one thing onto the next onto the next like this damn post started with me ranting about my feeding tube and here we are.

I just dont know what to do to make things easier. I know tidying the house would dramatically improve my mood, but i cant do it by myself. I feel completely swamped and overwhelmed. I just need support. I just need someone to sit with me while i try to get through everything. But by the time everyone comes home ive already spent all day stewing in my stress and im exhausted and have no energy to do anything.

Im also frustrated by the fact that ive been needing help with showering lately. Like i used to be able to do that by myself and now i cant. It used to be that id be a little lazy about doing it too based on how much it would wipe me out, and now its like it doesnt matter how much i want to do it, i just physically cant.

I dont know how im going to manage overseas without totally grossing out my family. The last thing i want to do is ask my mum to help me bathe. And theyre not going to have a shower chair that i can use over there so im going to have to sit on the ground because its getting to the point where standing is so completely exhausting. I dont even want to let my partner see how much it wipes me out. I dont want anyone to see how much im struggling, i just want to be able to do things.

Im sick of feeling like im useless.