#its been an ongoing problem for Quite some time

[raksh-writes]

Really freaking unfair how Im barely able to sit straight at my desk with how exhausted and sleepy I feel but as soon as I lay down Im Immediately wide awake, no traces of sleepiness present. Like. What the fuck???

That's NOT how a bed should work.

[runariya]

Crash Course in Love • 2

pairing: snowboard instructor!Jungkook x ex-gf!reader (feat. platonic OT6) genre: rom-com, Exes 2 Lovers, slow-burn, angst rating: 18+, MDNI warnings: strong language, slow burn, angst, fluff, tension, bad communication skills, jealousy, alcohol, smoking, heartbreak, lmk if I forgot smth word count: 17.3k

a/n: 19 days later and here's part 2 at last! hope you like it still and I can't wait to see your reactions lol DON’T HATE ME! LOVE YOU ALL 💕 ENJOY

a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

01 • masterlist • 03

Day 2

There’s something about the way you crash after a day that’s drained you not just physically but emotionally too. After your bath and after you grabbed your luggage when you were sure Jungkook wouldn’t be in his room anymore, and with your stomach still full from the Korean BBQ at Tae’s, you passed out immediately. Yoongi’s snoring didn’t bother you in the slightest—if anything, the vibrations seemed to massage your sore body through the mattress.

You feel even more lost when you wake up just after 5:30 in the morning, fully rested but with muscles still stiff. You’re not sure if Tae’s smoothie did anything or if you’d feel completely dead now without it. It’s not that you want to go back to sleep either, knowing you’ll just wake up even more tired if you try, experience showing that extra hours do more harm than good. 

Not wanting to listen to Yoongi’s ongoing snoring any longer, you carefully slip out of bed without waking him and reach for the book you brought with you. But just as you’re about to head out of the suite, you stop, eyeing Yoongi’s coat. 

Should you?

You quit smoking months ago, only started when you broke things off with Jungkook, but just thinking about everything that was said yesterday—and what’s still to come—makes you struggle. You’ll probably hate yourself for it afterwards, but still, you go back to his coat and rummage for his cigarettes and lighter. 

Realising you only brought one pair of boots, which are currently at Hope’s, and there’s no way you’re stepping out into the snow in slippers or your snowboard boots, you grab Yoongi’s spare designer boots and your snowboard jacket as well. 

It’s impressive, really, that you manage to carry everything out of the room without dropping anything, and that Yoongi stays sound asleep despite the obvious rustling of your coat as you move.

You’re thankful Namjoon kept his word about keeping the fireplace lit, not just because its warmth meets you in the corridor but also for the soft glow it casts along the way to the main area.

Pausing for a second, you can hear Yoongi still snoring through the door, along with louder, muffled snores further down the corridor, which must be Namjoon’s. And, who would’ve thought, you hear some very light snoring coming from Jungkook’s room too.

It feels like you’re walking past caves in some forgotten time, surrounded by Neanderthals who snore more to fend off predators than from sinus problems. It’s funny in a way, you reckon. That’s just how biology works, even if you and every other woman in this world are the ones who suffer through the night because of it.

As you reach the main area, of course, you can’t manage all the things you’re holding, and your book falls to the floor, the sound louder than it should be. You think it didn’t wake anyone, but you’re not sure—Jungkook might be awake, he’s always been a light sleeper, though Namjoon’s snoring is too loud now to tell.

Not bothering to pick it up, knowing you’ll drop something else if you try, you kick the book towards the couches, hoping none of the great authors are cursing you for it. The heat of the fireplace, even though it’s only simmering, pulls you to sink back into the cushions once you’ve set your things down.

The hostel feels so much cosier than by daytime, long shadows casting a warm, festive glow like Christmas morning. You almost wish you’d spent the holiday here instead of alone at home.

Just yesterday, you longed for Jungkook to be by your side, to experience this place and this town with you. But now, even though he is here, it doesn’t feel as fulfilling as you thought it would.

Obviously, he’s been here before, and even when he’s spending time with you, it’s under circumstances you wish were different. It destroys you how things are, how you’re treating each other, how much hatred he clearly has for you now, just at the sight of you.

You understand his bitterness though, understand that he probably wishes he’d never seen you again. But what can you do? It’s not like you booked this hostel on purpose, as if you orchestrated the whole thing just to run into him.

No, it’s all just a coincidence. A brutal one at that. You didn’t have time to prepare yourself, didn’t have time to think about how you’d approach him after all this time, or what you’d say.

You reckon he feels the same—blindsided, overwhelmed, hurt. And he has every reason to be. Still, it hurts so deeply, so excruciatingly, that you just want to leave and never look back. It feels like there’s no saving your relationship with Jungkook, not even the hope of being friends.

Or maybe this trip will be the closure you need. Maybe it’ll be the final heartbreak, the one that’s been dragging on for far too long, but now will come to a head and let you move on, even though deep down you don’t want to. You’re sure Jungkook was the one for you—a love once in a lifetime, the one who got away.

Tossing the book from one hand to the other, your eyes can’t help but linger on the pack of cigarettes lying on the table in front of you. It’s dumb, smoking—you know that, always have. But God, you’re broken. You’re so, so sad, it’s suffocating. And you know it won’t help.

You know smoking, like any other addiction, is just a result of loneliness. That doesn’t make it any easier to resist.

You set the book down, slip into Yoongi’s boots again, and pull on your coat, ignoring the voice in your head telling you not to backslide, not to undo months of progress. But still, you ignore that voice as much as you ignore Namjoon’s snoring, and grab the pack and lighter and stand to head outside once you’re fully clothed. 

You’d forgotten about the chime when you open the front door, pausing for a moment as if it’s trying to stop you, but you keep moving, letting the door shut behind you as the early morning greets you. 

The streets are empty, the air biting cold. But the fairy lights are still on, their glow reflecting silently off the snow and ornaments, but you can’t bring yourself to enjoy it.

Your breath fogs with every exhale as you slowly open the cigarette pack, your hands turning rosy in the cold, warmth steaming off them like dumplings.

You take one out, slip the pack into your coat pocket, and toy with the cigarette between your fingers. 

Should you?

You know you shouldn’t.

You.

Know.

But no one’s here to stop you. Who would even care? So you put it between your dry lips and light it, guarding the flame with your hand as if to stop it from dying the way your heart did.

The first drag is equal parts disgusting and relieving, and soon, your thoughts start to fade. Your chest feels lighter, despite the toxins filling it. Maybe breaking up with Jungkook was the first step towards your own downfall. Maybe it was always meant to be.

The front door opens behind you when you’re halfway through your cigarette, but you don’t turn around. There are only three options for who might join you—Yoongi, up for his first smoke of the day; Namjoon, woken by the chime and curious to see what’s going on; or Jungkook. Though you wouldn’t know why it’d be the latter.

“Smoking kills.”

“So does snowboarding,” you reply through the puff of smoke escaping your lips.

“Fair.”

Silence. You can’t bring yourself to look at Jungkook, now standing beside you, both of you staring at some distant ornament, avoiding each other’s gaze.

“What are you doing out here this early?” he asks, as if it’s not obvious.

“Thought I’d get some fresh air.”

There’s no humour in your tone, just defeat, and those few words seem to sap the last bit of energy you have. You feel like you’ve had the same effect on Jungkook—his voice is as dry as yours.

“Funny.”

You know you can’t undo all the damage between you and Jungkook, but still, you want to at least be civil.

“I’m sorry you have to be our instructor. I didn’t know.”

“Sounds like you wouldn’t have booked it if you’d known.”

You shrug. “Probably.”

“Is seeing me again really that unbearable?”

It is.

Of course it is. But only because you can’t bear seeing him having moved on. So you shrug again.

“I see.”

You take the last drag of your cigarette, drop it into the snow, and stomp it out before immediately reaching for another.

“It’s really bad for you.”

“Why do you care, Jungkook?”

“Because you—”

“Please, just let me be, Jungkook.”

It’s desperate, your plea, resigned. And when you finally lock eyes with him, it almost hurts as much as on the day you broke up with him. He looks like he’s stepped straight out of a dream, the smoke from your cigarette swirling up into the sky between you. He’s so beautiful, especially in the morning when he’s just rolled out of bed. But his hurt eyes—hurt that you caused—are something you can’t handle.

“I never did you wrong.”

His words hit like a slap, and you reckon you deserve it, deserve even more, so you let him continue, knowing he’s far from done.

“Why did you leave me?”

You can’t meet his eyes now. Not just because tears burn in the corners of both yours and his, but because you can’t bring yourself to tell him the truth—that you were never worthy of him. That you were never the one for him, not when he’s found someone like Hara, who fits him so much better. So you shrug again, trying to swallow the lump in your throat as your shaky hands lift the cigarette to your lips for another long drag, hoping he’ll think it’s just the cold affecting you, not the emotions welling up inside.

“God, ___.” You see Jungkook look up at the dark sky, rubbing his hands violently against his face and eyes in your peripheral vision. You’re not sure if it’s out of anger, frustration, or pain, and you’re not sure you want to know.

“I’m sorry,” you force out, losing the fight against your tears as they silently roll down your cheeks. Quickly, you turn around, trying to make it back inside before Jungkook notices your breakdown. 

“For leaving me, or for being with me in the first place?”

“Both.”

You don’t stop, can’t stop even if you tried. Bolting straight into the hostel, you leave your book where you placed it earlier, your only aim to escape, to get to your suite as fast as possible. Away from all you’ve done and can’t take back. 

It’s not like it’s really possible for you to get away from Jungkook, not when he’s still not only very much physically present but still consumes every thought and every space in your heart. It breaks you to see his pain, breaks you even more because you don’t know how to fix it. You’ve created a mess, of the whole situation and of your and his heart, that’s impossible to mend now.

Even if you could, the hurt has left wounds and open scars, which won’t ever heal, especially on Jungkook’s soul, and you reckon he’ll never want you back to begin with.

The door to the suite slams shut behind you, waking up Yoongi, who just turns to look at your broken self, tears still running down in waves.

“Talked to Jungkook?”

“Yes,” you sob.

“Next time, try at daytime, it’s not as emo.”

Well, thank you very much. As if that would have changed a thing. But you don’t bicker this time, knowing that somewhere in Yoongi’s words lies the truth, even if you’re not able to accept it in this moment.

Kicking off his boots and yeeting them across the room where he placed them before you took them, and letting your coat fall off your shoulders, you don’t pay attention to Yoongi’s scolding, disappearing into the bathroom to take a cleansing shower, or rather, to let all the emotions and tears out without being bothered and without being a bother to Yoongi.

It doesn’t take long before the hot water mixes with your tears and for you recognise that you need to somehow get your head straight, or get it checked, because it’s only the second day. A lot more is to come, and you’ll be regretting it if you just wave the white flag and leave. If there’s nothing else you can do, nothing that can help you heal and move on, you want to at least help Jungkook to do so.

You owe it to him, and frankly, that was the main point of why you broke up in the first place. You’ll need to forget your own hurt for the time being, answer all his questions without breaking down again, and you’ll start with that as soon as you’re out of the shower.

“Hurry up! I need to take a piss!”

You’re glad you had half a mind to lock the door, but still, the banging of Yoongi’s fist disturbs you so much, you won’t be able to neither cry nor think in peace.

“Ten more minutes!”

“I’ll piss on your pillow! Open the fucking door!”

Ew. Sighing, you rinse the rest of your shampoo out, hurrying to at least wrap a towel around yourself before unlocking the door. You’re not able to push the handle down because Yoongi bolts inside, ripping his pants down and immediately starting to empty his bladder.

“Ew, gross!”

“Next time, your pillow, ___,” Yoongi sighs, but you’ve already fled the scene. As relatives, you’re close, yes, but not that close.

Nonetheless, you’re thankful for this distraction, even if it just helped you not be dragged further into the blue.

Hearing Yoongi close and lock the bathroom door and turning on the shower does the rest as you now stand fully dressed, with dripping wet hair, in the middle of the suite.

You know there’s no way he’ll open that door back up again, even if you’d knock as violently as he did just now. He simply doesn’t give a fuck. So you see no other option but to get some breakfast with wet hair, knowing there’s not much time left before you’re back on the slopes, or rather the beginner’s hill.

The corridor is empty again, though you hear some chatter from Namjoon and Jungkook down the way. Taking a very deep breath, you try to school your face into happiness, or at least neutrality.

You find both with Jimin in the dining area, the latter unpacking his bread and some pastries onto the table.

“Good morning,” you try to sound as cheerful as possible, but as you lock eyes with Jungkook, you know he notices the red rim around your eyes.

“Hey! Look what I’ve got for you.” Jimin practically explodes with happiness as he gets a see-through box of macarons out of his paper bag.

“No way! Jimin, that wasn’t necessary! Thank you!” You can’t help the genuine smile that spreads across your face, hands eagerly grabbing for them as you unbox them against your stomach, too occupied to even sit down.

“But I wanted to. I’ve never seen someone so obsessed with these.” Jimin laughs his beautiful laugh at your already stuffed smile, as Namjoon just smirks, and Jungkook, well…Jungkook just seems odd.

“Here, at least sit down.” Namjoon offers you the chair beside him, and to be honest, you’d much rather sit somewhere else than face Jungkook, but there’s nothing you can do.

You don’t thank Namjoon this time when he pushes the chair for you to sit down, too embarrassed by your chewing. You shouldn’t have put two macarons in your mouth at once.

“Coffee?”

“Yes, please.”

Jungkook stays silent throughout it all, just watching you, especially watching Namjoon carefully, while you avoid eye contact. Jimin, on the other hand, can’t keep his eyes from flickering between you and Jungkook with a broad smile, as if he senses something’s wrong. He takes the last empty chair at the small table and sits between you and Jungkook.

“Black, so you’re not overdosed.” Namjoon places your coffee in front of you as his eyes also flick to Jungkook, and you’re not sure what’s happening right now.

“Hold up, hold up, I’ve got my favourite with me. Just for you, ___. You liked it the first time, right?” Jimin pulls out a cup of iced Americano from his bag, this time in a fitting container, but you can’t seem to understand why he’d bring you this when, despite you loving it, it hurts you just as much and he knows it. 

“You know,” Jimin continues with a glint in his eyes that not only makes you uneasy, but clearly Jungkook as well, the latter looking two seconds away from punching Jimin square in the face. “It’s called ‘Only Love’. Right, C? You created it.”

Ah, that makes a lot of sense now. What doesn’t make sense is you choking on the macaron. You should have put two and two together, to be honest, should have seen the connection the moment Jungkook appeared in front of you with everyone in this forsaken town being friends with him, but frankly, you didn’t.

You haven’t been thinking clearly for years, and you reckon it has something to do with Yoongi, who, even though he’s the only constant in your life now, is equal parts disturbing and unable to help you balance your emotions. Not that it’s his job, but being a bit less insufferable would be nice and a welcome change.

Jimin’s still holding the cup towards you, for longer than would feel just friendly, but now you see all the evil clearly. You don’t really know what to do, especially when you look at Jungkook and see him more pissed than you’ve ever seen before. Should you even take it?

“I… I think I’ll stick to black. Not that I really overdose on sugar or anything.” You stammer, wanting the earth to swallow you up rather than this shit morning continuing into a day full of hatred towards you.

Jungkook just scoffs at that, and you’re sure you hear him mutter “of fucking course, perfect timing” just as Yoongi enters the dining room.

“Morning,” Yoongi mumbles, and right as he’s about to sit at another table, Jimin places the Americano in front of you and gets up.

“No, please, sit down. I was just about to leave.”

Jungkook attempts to call Jimin out on his bullshit, but shuts his mouth in an instant when Yoongi claps Jimin on the back and sits down between you both. Turning to Namjoon, he’s still very much smirking as if he’s figured out the whole situation with you and Jungkook, especially when both his legs nudge yours and his, as if daring you both to say something.

“Bye!” Jimin sings as he’s out of the room before anyone can even breathe.

“You forgot your phone in our room.” Yoongi grumbles, stealing some macarons from you as if they were M&M’s, and preparing his plate. “A coffee please.”

“Black?” Namjoon’s grin spreads across his whole face as he gets up to fetch Yoongi’s order, because, dear lord, it wasn’t a kindly meant request.

“You got it.”

As if the morning hadn’t already strangled your emotions enough, your blood’s now boiling because Yoongi couldn’t just bring your stupid phone with him as if that would have been the greatest task in the world. But somehow, seeing Jungkook’s mood crash even more, you’re glad to have a moment to escape the scene, hoping that when you return, it won’t be with police tape around the place.

You don’t have the faintest idea what’s up with him. It’s not like he’s just mad at you—although you know he definitely is. Hell, you’d be mad at yourself if you were him. But something else must’ve happened, something that’s got him this wound up, not only at the sight of you and Yoongi, but his friends too.

It’s no surprise to find your phone where Yoongi said it would be, and seeing it now, face down, you’re beyond thankful he didn’t just hand it to you in front of everyone.

You just want to grab it quickly and shove it into the tight pocket of your leggings, thinking it’s lying on the info sheet from Namjoon, when Yoongi’s handwriting catches your attention. Black ink, neatly written down for all time:

‘Future’s gonna be okay.’

It soothes and breaks your heart all at once, especially when you spot a teeny tiny black heart too. Yoongi might argue it’s just a splatter from the pen, but you know better. Being close to your cousin is a rollercoaster in every imaginable way, but it’s worth it. Because he cares. Because he’ll understand, even if he doesn’t always show it the way you need.

Taking a very, very deep, steadying breath, you leave the note where it is, knowing you’ll definitely need it when you come back tonight, after what will surely be a wonderful day with Jungkook. You just hope you survive it.

Snowboarding doesn’t even scare you as much as Jungkook does. But you steel yourself not to panic, not to freak out about how clueless you are. Time will tell. Future’s gonna be okay.

And with that thought, you head back to the others, wanting something more substantial in your stomach than sugary sweets.

“Odd?”

“Yeah, odd,” Jungkook growls, and you stop short before entering the room again.

“I think I’m treating her just right for who she is to me,” Yoongi laughs, and you can hear the mischief in his voice, full of shit and in full wind-up mode.

There’s no way you’re really letting this turn into a crime scene, so you march into the room, eyes boring into the back of Yoongi’s head, knowing he’ll feel it.

Thankfully, no one says anything, but the looks speak volumes. Jungkook’s glaring daggers at you, Namjoon’s got that worried, torn look like a parent watching their toddler near the stairs, and Yoongi’s just…amused.

Frankly, your appetite’s vanished, and you don’t want to risk sitting down and getting dragged into whatever mess you’re missing today.

“When do we leave?” You ask Jungkook directly, using a tired, fed-up tone you haven’t dared yet.

It seems to do the trick, sobering everyone up as they take their last bites and gulps of coffee, getting ready to move.

Namjoon, ever the sweetheart, hands you the americano, and this time, you’re grateful for it. Screw the memories—you need caffeine to get through this day. A shot of something stronger in it might’ve been better, but alas.

“Thanks, Joon.”

That, of course, earns you a dirty look from Jungkook and an amused one from Yoongi.

“I’ll just grab my stuff real quick.”

“Yeah, we’re waiting in our slippers,” Yoongi says drily, overtaking Jungkook by the door, who looks at you like he can’t believe this is happening.

You ignore them both, turning to Namjoon to escape the drama, but only stumble into another one instead.

“So he’s your ex.”

You groan, shoulders slumping along with your coffee, exasperated as you realise Namjoon’s got you alone.

“Kinda obvious.”

“It is. Some other things are obvious too.”

You give him a long stare, the kind of stare you’ve perfected from hours of silent contests with Jungkook, but Namjoon, who’s obviously used to this too, isn’t fazed the slightest.

“Spill.”

“You’re both adults. Talk.”

Yeah, like it’s that simple. Sit down, have a rational, level-headed chat with Jungkook? Not likely.

“Thanks for breakfast. I’m out.”

You throw a peace sign over your shoulder, knowing you’re not getting anything more out of him, whether he’s right or wrong.

Being civil with Jungkook would be step one before you could even dream of a productive conversation. But based on how this breakfast is going, hell, the whole stay up until now, it’s clear that ‘civil’ is something you’ll never be when it comes to Jungkook. 

“Here.” Yoongi’s brought you your boots and gear, and the reason is instantly clear when Jungkook reappears, glaring at Yoongi like he’s about to snap.

“Could you both please be civil? I’d like to enjoy this holiday,” you snap, so utterly fed up, wishing you could put them both in time-out.

“Sorry,” Yoongi and Jungkook mumble in unison, but the looks they exchange right after make the apology feel pointless.

Even though you’re still struggling way more than you should with these snowboard boots—which surely came straight out of hell just to make your life that little bit more difficult—you still don’t let anyone help you. Not Jungkook, who stopped moving towards you after you shot him an evil glare, and not Yoongi, who suffered the same fate.

Eventually, you manage, somehow. And when you’re ready to go, the three of you grab your snowboards, which are leaning against the wall near the fireplace. It’s not easy to carry yours on your own, especially when the sharp edge cuts into your gloved palm and your other hand is occupied with your Americano. The bindings are digging into your forearm with their stupid weight distribution, but there’s no way you’re going to drag it any other way. Not when you’re not willing to sacrifice your caffeine—that’s just not happening in any lifetime of yours.

Yoongi, for once, is chivalrous enough to open the door for you, but you can’t really appreciate it like you would under normal circumstances. Your nerves are running thin—so thin you’re half-tempted to just smash the chime to dust with your snowboard to shut it up yourself. But you’re not strong enough, and with your luck, Jungkook—who’s walking right behind you—would probably end up on the receiving end of your terrible aim.

No one says a word during the entire walk to the hill, which, now that you think about it, feels worse than all the snide remarks. It’s not like fighting—or going straight for each other’s throats—is the best solution, but this simmering tension isn’t much better either. And you reckon it’s only a matter of time before someone goes off like a bloody nuclear bomb.

Though the real question is, who?

You’d love nothing more than to get inside Jungkook’s head, to take a peek at whatever thoughts are running through his pretty head and figure out why he’s been acting like this—irrational around others, but all sentimental when it’s just the two of you. It’s starting to seriously grate on your nerves.

Seeing that he wants to talk about everything that went down between you both is something you never thought would happen. But his approach? Not ideal. There’s no way you’re having a deep conversation with him before the day has even properly started, and definitely not in the middle of the street. And you’d much rather not have this conversation with others around too, thank you very much.

But the thing is, you’re still not sure if you want to be alone with him. What if your resolve to be all mature and talk like adults crumbles the second he looks at you with those sad eyes again? What if he’s just looking for answers so he can have the closure you know you’ll never get?

The thought feels selfish in every possible way. It disgusts you too, but you’re only human, not some robot who can function without feeling, without knowing what love or losing it is.

You let out a loud sigh, no longer able to bear the weight of the world—or the burning gaze of Jungkook boring into your back. 

“S’up?” Yoongi nudges you causing you to sway, the heavy drag of your boots not helping either. 

“Just enjoying the fresh air.” You bullshit, stepping right up the snow at the base of the beginners hill. 

“The only thing getting fresh air are my middle ears. Fucking feel the inflammation building.”

You’re sure Jungkook hadn’t intended to snort at Yoongi’s remark, but even he can’t seem to resist the humour in the nonsense that sometimes escapes Yoongi’s mouth.

“Some air gonna knock you out?” you tease, trying to nudge Yoongi back, though you fail miserably.

Thankfully, Jungkook’s quick enough to steady you with a free hand before you face-plant into the snow, which is far from the fluffy stuff it was yesterday—now hard as stone.

“You know you’re old when air’s hurting you, ___. You’ll understand when you’re my age.”

You hope that‘ll not be true. 

“Alright,” Jungkook claps once, and you and Yoongi fall into line in front of him after setting your boards and coffee aside. “Yesterday we covered most of the snowboarding theory. Three important things. What are they?”

Silence.

“Awareness, balance, control.”

It’s clear Jungkook’s waiting for something, and after a few agonising moments of just staring at each other, it clicks. He wants you to repeat what he said.

“Awareness,” you start, but Yoongi either hasn’t caught on or really doesn’t care, but you give him a nudge, and eventually, the two of you echo back Jungkook’s words.

“Awareness, balance, control.”

“Right, now, while we’re at it—let’s talk a bit more theory. After awareness, balance, and control, it’s all about anticipation. You can’t just react to things at the last minute, yeah? You’ve got to anticipate the changes. Know what’s coming. Whether it’s an obstacle in your path, a turn, or… someone doing something you didn’t expect.”

“For fuck’s sake, Jungkook! Man up and say it to my face if you’ve got something to say!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Fuck you did! And you—shut your fucking mouth!” You jab your gloved finger at Yoongi, who stops laughing immediately.

You’re not sure what’s gotten into Jungkook to act so irrational again, but whatever it is, you’ve had enough. Either he stays professional during the lesson, or you’re out. This kind of treatment—whatever you did to him or not—isn’t something you’ll tolerate. Not from him, not from anyone.

Jungkook seems to realise his mistake, or maybe he just doesn’t have the guts to confront you directly about what’s been bothering him. You reckon after all these years, he still hasn’t learned how to communicate properly. Then again, you’re not exactly great at that either.

“How about you stick to teaching during the course and stay in your lane? How about I can at least enjoy this for a few hours?”

Jungkook just nods, not the least approving, and if it weren’t for Yoongi placing a hand on your heaving shoulder and sucking his teeth, you might’ve lunged at Jungkook and strangled him right then and there.

“Right, well, before we get onto the boards, we need to warm up. Can’t have you both pulling muscles before you even touch the snow properly.”

“Please, no running,” Yoongi mutters under his breath.

“No, no running. First up, let’s stretch. Loosen up those muscles. Very important. Otherwise, you might… strain yourself. And trust me, some people,” he side-eyes you, “have a habit of rushing into things without getting properly prepared or listening to what the other person has to say.”

You grit your teeth. Oh, you’re so ready to kill him. If looks could kill, both you and Jungkook would be dead by now. “What the fuck is your problem?” you seethe dangerously low. 

“So, what are we doing first? Jumping jacks? Star jumps?” Yoongi asks sarcastically, more to defuse the situation than out of any real interest in actually participating in this course.

“No, mate. We’re not at boot camp. Just a simple warm-up to start. Arms, legs, get the blood flowing.” Jungkook begins rolling his shoulders and doing some arm circles. “Follow me. Arms out, nice and wide. Slow circles. Loosen up your shoulders. You need a good range of movement, especially when you’re… navigating tricky situations.”

You and Yoongi do your best to follow along, despite the thick jackets. Opting to be the bigger person here, you do your best to ignore Jungkook’s pointed glances and the occasional gust of cold air grazing your stomach whenever you raise your arms too high.

“Good. Now, bend forward, touch your toes—well, try to. Don’t force it. Some people are naturally more flexible than others, but hey, no rush.”

Throughout the whole stretching exercises, you keep your mouth shut, knowing that playing into his madness wouldn’t do either of you any good. You just can’t process it all at this point. And how could you?

Since the moment you stepped foot into this stupid little town, you haven’t had a minute to think. Especially not after Jungkook entered your life again. You’re jealous of all the people out there who can adapt to every moment, who aren’t as utterly pathetic at handling things as you are.

It must be genetics, because, dear lord, you’ve never been good at handling tricky situations, but the ones involving your ex are on another level. You can tell yourself to be cool and collected as much as you want, but at the end of the day, Jungkook will always trigger you.

And if it’s not with his passive-aggressive remarks, it’s with his broken sadness.

“Perfect. Let’s move on then. Before we get into the snowboards, I’ll just have to adjust your bindings real quick, and then we’ll start. For that, I’ll need to see which foot of yours is the dominant one.”

Jungkook walks silently behind you both, looking down at the snow with a slight frown on his lips while you follow his movements with your eyes.

“I’ll start with you, Yoongi. Relax your stance, I’ll push you from behind. Don’t think too much, just catch yourself, yeah?”

Jungkook’s now standing directly behind Yoongi, and as he raises his hand and places it on Yoongi’s back, right between his shoulder blades, your gut twists, fearing Jungkook might push him too hard, letting his anger out because he can’t restrain himself.

But to your relief, Jungkook pushes Yoongi ever so lightly, causing the older man to take a step forward, landing on his right foot.

“Right foot back, your stance is regular.” Jungkook just nods to himself, moving on to stand behind you now. “Your turn, ___. Again, just relax, don’t overthink it. I’ll push you now.”

How can you stay relaxed when Jungkook’s now directly behind you, when you not only feel the weight of his hand on your back but imagine you can feel the warmth of it too? It nearly leaves you gasping, not used to Jungkook touching you anymore.

“Relax,” Jungkook mutters ever so softly, causing your shoulders to drop as you take a deep breath, willing yourself to block him out as best you can.

The push is gentle, and while you take a step forward out of reflex, it’s the same reflex that misses his hand on your back.

“Left is your dominant foot, so goofy’s your stance.”

“Goofy?!”

It sounds offensive. Does it sound offensive? Because both Yoongi and Jungkook look at you, puzzled by your outburst.

Wasn’t that another jab?

“Yeah, it’s called goofy,” Jungkook says, Yoongi nodding as if to tell you to calm down.

“Oh. Okay.”

Jungkook pulls a tiny toolbox from the inner pocket of his jacket while you follow Yoongi, who’s picking up his board. He takes Yoongi’s snowboard first, placing it on his bent knee and unscrewing the first binding.

“Forefoot 18 degrees, back foot 7 degrees,” Yoongi mutters, not the least bit mocking. 

You’re not sure why Yoongi has a preference, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to question it, just nodding and adjusting Yoongi’s bindings to his liking.

When it’s your turn, Jungkook still doesn’t say anything as he takes the board from your hands, and while the adjustments look just the same as Yoongi’s to you, it’s clear both men see the difference as Yoongi interjects, “Fix the left one a bit more outwards, it’ll give her more control.”

Jungkook looks up at that, not angered, not ready to snap, as his eyes flit briefly to you before he eventually just nods and does as Yoongi suggested. Maybe not playing into Jungkook’s remarks earlier was the right course of action, seeing that even though it’s still awkward between you three, it’s more civil than it was before.

Jungkook stuffs his toolbox back into his pocket and turns to grab his own snowboard. As he straps his right foot into the binding, he calls out, “Fasten your front foot onto the board. We’re practising gliding.”

Yoongi does as instructed without a hitch, but you’re struggling a bit. The straps keep getting in the way, making it impossible to secure your foot properly.

Without a word, Jungkook hops over, dragging his board behind him, and quickly fastens the bindings for you.

“Thanks,” you mutter, but he doesn’t meet your eyes, just nods before heading back in front of you both.

“So, it’s simple. Push yourself forward with your free foot, step on the board, and glide for as long as you can. It’ll help you get a feel for the board. And remember—where you look is where you go. Look down, you’ll fall. Look forward, and you’ll be fine as long as your balance is decent.”

Jungkook demonstrates the glide with ease, while Yoongi follows suit right after, looking like he’s done this before, making it seem like a breeze. 

Alright, how hard can it be?

Turns out, pretty damn hard. As soon as you try, your arms flail like mad, desperately trying to regain balance. You stumble forward, managing to catch yourself at the last second, but not before the board lifts off the ground and slams right into your calf.

“Ouch!”

It hurts like hell, and you’re certain a bruise is already forming.

“Take it slow, no rush,” Jungkook says, not even glancing back.

You try a few more times, and while it feels like you’re going to lose a leg by the end of the day, you’re slowly getting the hang of it.

Yoongi’s already finished, standing beside Jungkook and watching you like some proud parent their child who’s learning to swim. You don’t mind though—better that than getting frustrated watching him nail everything effortlessly.

“That’s great, let’s move up the hill and practise side slipping. It’s like a lazy way to snowboard, but it’s useful.”

Dragging yourself up the hill feels like a workout in itself with your board still clasped onto your foot, your calf still throbbing from earlier.

“First things first,” Jungkook’s bending down to his board, “strap your other foot in as well. You want to be on your heel edge or your toe edge. We’ll start with heels, ‘cause if you start on your toes and mess up, you’ll just end up pissed off.”

Once again, Jungkook demonstrates the technique, and once again, Yoongi seems to pick it up straight away. Meanwhile, you’re down on your ass every other minute, frustration building but refusing to quit just yet. Jungkook lets you keep at it until you’ve finally got the hang of it, while Yoongi again just stands there with him, chatting the day away, apparently needing no extra practice.

“Why doesn’t he have to practise?” you yell down the hill.

“Because he doesn’t need to.”

You’re fuming, but deep down you know Jungkook’s right. Still, Yoongi’s supposed to be doing this with you, not just standing there like a supervisor. The anger helps though, because as you slide down the hill again, it’s smooth and controlled—and you feel damn proud of yourself.

“Alright, next exercise. We’re going to slide down on your toe edge now. Flip over so you’re facing up the hill, with your toes digging into the snow.”

You’re already panting from the climb back up the hill, but there’s no rest in sight. Jungkook leaves his board behind as you drag yourself up again, determined to finish this.

“Now,” Jungkook says, “bend your knees, lean forward slightly—like you’re bowing to a king. Lift your heels off the snow, so you’re balanced on your toes. And don’t panic if it feels weird at first. Yoongi, can you please demonstrate?”

“Sure,” Yoongi says, nailing the move effortlessly.

You can’t figure out why Yoongi’s suddenly Jungkook’s little helper, or why Jungkook’s board is still down the hill, but you focus on trying to imitate Yoongi’s technique. You get into position, dig your toes in, but the next second, you slip, barely catching yourself before faceplanting into the snow.

Jungkook’s by your side in seconds, pulling you up by the arms. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” you pant, swallowing the panic that’s rising in your chest. But your grip on his arms gives away just how terrified you are.

“Come on, I’ll help you.”

Jungkook’s hands slide down your arms until he’s holding your hands securely, but just as quickly, he lets go. You immediately lose your balance, nearly falling backwards as your whole life flashes before your eyes.

“Shit!” His hands grab you at the last second, keeping you from toppling over.

“Don’t just let go like that!”

“Why are your gloves this wet?”

You don’t have time to defend yourself against Jungkook’s scolding as he abruptly forces his leg between yours, angling his heel between the snow and your board to keep you in place and balance. 

The proximity to Jungkook has an instant effect on you. Your brain shuts down, and though your blood is rushing through your veins at an overwhelming speed, it somehow calms you down just the same.

Being this close to him, not only seeing him but feeling all of his body pressed against yours, mixed with his intoxicating scent, makes you never want to let go of him again.

“Hold onto me,” he murmurs softly, the closeness making it unnecessary to speak any louder than a breath.

You can’t help yourself, staring at his face, even though he’s avoiding eye contact as he removes your gloves, letting them fall silently behind him. You reckon he hasn’t changed much—just a few piercings and some faint lines caused by age now marking his otherwise mesmerising face. But still, he’s the same.

The same lashes framing his big eyes, the same kissable lips now a bit cracked from the cold, the same glowing skin with that faint scar on his cheek.

It throws you back in time but also makes you ache for all the time spent apart. It’s impossible to feel resentment for the harsh things he’s said, impossible to feel anything but the deep love you still have for him. It’s impossible to look away, even though he isn’t meeting your gaze, busy tugging off his gloves with his teeth.

When his hand reaches for yours, wrapping them in the warmth of his own gloves, you feel like you might break right then and there. You’ve been a fool for pushing him away, for ending things in the first place, when he’s always been this good to you—even now, after all these years.

When Jungkook finally finishes and his eyes meet yours for the first time, you don’t dare breathe, even if you physically could. It’s like the heartbreak never happened, healed by the closeness of two hearts that know they can only beat as one.

You see it in his eyes, like you always could back then, that he feels it too—or at least something close to what you feel.

“I never meant to hurt you,” you manage to say, your voice breaking ever so faintly, with a slight sheen of tears coating your eyes.

“I know,” Jungkook smiles ever so softly, as if he’s always known, as if he understands. But still, he steps back, leaving you cold and longing again, only holding your hands just firmly enough to help you keep your balance. “Try again, toes in the snow, knees bent.”

You swallow the hurt down, knowing you’ve got no right to feel this way, and with Jungkook’s help, you slide down the hill. You succeed, but as soon as you reach the base, Jungkook steps back completely, walking over to Yoongi while instructing, “Try again now on your own.”

And you do. Multiple times until you master it as best you can, all while you know you’re being watched by the two most important men in your life.

Lunch is spent in a tiny fast-food restaurant nearby, just because you’re so hungry you can’t wait ages for a proper meal. Jungkook excuses himself to take a phone call, and you notice a picture of Hara on his screen, though you weren’t fast enough to see whose name was at the top, or if it’s his lock screen or Hara’s contact picture.

“Why are you so good at snowboarding?” you try to sound angry, though your mouth is stuffed, hoping Yoongi can still make sense of the words.

“I’ve been snowboarding before.”

“You what?” You swallow the bite forcefully, needing space to articulate the insults he deserves. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why am I paying for a crash course for you?”

“I didn’t thi—”

“Why the fuck have I paid for and rented your gear?!”

Yoongi goes silent, eating his meal like he’s bored, giving you time to yell at him some more before he speaks. But you don’t, just widen your eyes and shake your head to emphasise how livid you are.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come alone.”

“That’s such a shit excuse, Yoongs. You should have at least paid for yourself. Fucking parasite.”

“Yo, show some respect. You said you’d pay for everything. It’s not like I forced you.”

“Forced me?! You wouldn’t have come otherwise!”

“I can still hang in our suite and leave you alone with Mr. Leaf-in-the-wind.”

“That’s rude.”

“It’s true, and you know it.”

He’s kinda right. But you can see where Jungkook’s coming from, somehow understand why he’s acting the way he does.

You sigh at that, leaning back with another mouthful of food, knowing you should really work on your manners. “You’re not leaving me alone with him. No way.”

“If you say so.”

You startle slightly when Jungkook slides into the seat beside you, hoping he didn’t catch any of what was said while he was gone. And even though you’re dying to know who was calling, you’d rather strip bare in the middle of the restaurant than ask, not wanting to look like some jealous, controlling ex-girlfriend.

“Hara called,” you fucking knew it. “Said Namjoon’s arranged dinner at Jin’s.”

You and Yoongi just hum, though you reckon you’re the only one finding it rude. But who can blame you? You are jealous, you are a fucking control freak, and Jungkook looking the way he does definitely doesn’t help.

You hadn’t noticed before, thanks to his oversized clothes, just how buff he’s become. But seeing him now, his upper body hugged by thermal gear so tight it might as well be see-through, makes you even pettier than you already were at the mention of Hara. And how could you not be?

Clearly, he’s been working out more since you split. Maybe you were holding him back from getting in shape too. It’s funny—you always thought Jungkook peaked while he was with you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

You force the rest of your meal down in silence, occasionally glancing up at Jungkook and Yoongi, who are doing the same. It’s not like you want this silence to linger, but you don’t know what to say, and neither do they.

It’s slightly bothering you that both men were comfortable enough to chat the whole morning away while you were busy trying not to face-plant into the snow, and now can’t seem to say a single word with you around. Maybe you were the problem all along. 

Ugh, you hate having those thoughts again, especially since you’ve made such progress with your self-esteem recently, and now it’s crashing back down, spiralling like something you can’t escape.

When everyone’s finally finished, you pack up your things and step back outside into the cold, hoping the rest of the day goes by as civilly as the last few hours have been. 

Hours later, you’re spent. So utterly spent you’re sure you won’t make it to Jin’s without falling asleep midway through. Like Snow White, you want to lie down and sleep, and for no one to kiss you awake. Though, if you think about it, Jungkook would make a formidable prince.

Stop. You can’t think like this, you won’t allow such homewrecker thoughts. Not when things went well after lunch and there’s hope you can talk shit out.

After finally managing to learn how to take turns on that snowboard straight out of hell, and now being able to proudly say you can get down the beginners’ hill without breaking a single bone, you feel more accomplished than you ever have. Still, you hate snowboarding, and still won’t be doing it again once the two weeks are up.

“Why aren’t we eating at the hostel?”

You didn’t mean to say it out loud, not with Namjoon walking right beside you, and it might come off as though you’re calling him out for saying he’d be your chef during the trip, but hasn’t cooked a single thing for you yet. Namjoon’s blush only deepens your regret, though he takes it in stride.

“Well…uhm…I just thought that—”

“He can’t cook to save his life.” Jungkook interrupts Namjoon’s clear attempt to save face, and you’d never expected to see such a smug look on Jungkook’s face while throwing his friend under the bus.

“Oh, that’s cute. Plenty of women like to cook for their man.” You nudge Namjoon, hoping it’ll ease the tension just a little.

“Ah, I don’t know about that.”

“Did you watch the game?” Jungkook asks, louder than necessary, slowing his pace so he falls in beside Namjoon, forcing you to step aside to avoid colliding with his stupid back. 

The glare he sends your way matches your own, and you’re sure you can read in his eyes that he wants you to back off from his friend. You barely register what Namjoon and Yoongi are talking about, something vivid about an epic basketball game, too caught up in a silent conversation with Jungkook about what his problem is—and yours. But it’s like you’re out of sync, all questions missed, and answers elusive throughout the whole short walk to Jin’s. 

You hadn’t expected Jin’s to be such a lavish restaurant. Despite having the same rustic feel as the rest of the town, there’s a touch of poshness that makes it more enchanting than any other place you’ve been.

Jungkook wastes no time after stepping inside behind you, passing you to get to the bar where Hara and Hope are perched. Sadly, or maybe thankfully, you don’t see how he greets them, as a man steps into your view, broad shoulders blocking everything else.

“Welcome! I’m Jin! You must be ___.”

Jin practically squeezes you to death with his hug, your sore muscles protesting at how tight he holds you. You can’t hold back your laugh, not only because his greeting is the warmest you’ve ever received, but because you know the moment he lets go of you, he’ll do the same to Yoongi.

“Thanks for having us, Jin,” you squeak, tapping his back in hopes it’ll make him release you.

“Oh please, I’m so thrilled to finally meet you both.” Jin beams down at you before turning to throw himself at Yoongi, just as you predicted. “Yoongi, hi!”

“Please let go of me.” But Jin doesn’t listen, and you think he squeezes your grumpy cousin even tighter than before until he finally lets him go too.

“I’ve prepared a whole course for you three. I know Jungkook can be a bit demanding with his food, so I’ll make sure you’re well fed.”

Jin guides you to a table near the bar, and like the little control freak you are, you opt for the chair that gives you a view of the whole restaurant, including the bar. You don’t have a great view of Jungkook and Hara, though, as Namjoon is standing perfectly in front of them, but you think you see Hara leaning against Jungkook.

It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, twisting the knife of jealousy oh-so-slowly in your gut. You’re not sure how Jungkook could have found someone new so quickly, especially after telling you over and over again that you were the love of his life. Maybe it was just heartbreak that drove him to find solace in someone else. Maybe it’s just a hungry heart wanting to be fed with a fraction of love.

But you don’t want to assume that Hara’s love for him can’t compete with yours. Even though a part of you is certain that what you felt—and still feel—for him is beyond anything humanly possible. And even if her love for him is pure, yours will always outshine hers. Or maybe that’s just the green-eyed monster talking, infecting your thoughts.

But so be it. There’s nothing left to lose after you lost Jungkook, after you lost yourself, not just during your relationship with him, but in so much more.

Jin takes your drink order, and while at first you thought a Diet Coke would be nice after today, you opt for a whole bottle of wine. Not to share. Oh no, it’s entirely for yourself, because if you’re going to spend the evening witnessing Jungkook with his new flame, you’re definitely not doing it sober.

“You look jealous.”

“You don’t say.”

“Talk to him.”

“About what, Yoongs?” you snap as quietly as possible, fingers digging into the tablecloth to stop yourself from losing it. “How he’s fucking that model? Or how easy it was for him to move on?”

“That would be a start.”

“You’re ridiculous. Now shut up, they’re coming over.”

It’s not like you want to stare, but seeing Jungkook so at ease with Hara makes your stomach turn. And why Yoongi had to sit opposite you, leaving no other option but for Hara and Jungkook to sit on either side of you, is something you’ll never forgive him for.

“Hey!” Hara greets you both so warmly that you regret bashing her in your thoughts. Even if she’s Jungkook’s girlfriend, she’s always been nice to you.

“Hey, how have you been?”

Jin takes this moment to bring over a tray full of drinks. Yoongi has a beer, Hara a glass of water like Jungkook—yuck—and he sets the whole bottle of wine with a fitting glass in front of you. You should feel embarrassed, but you really don’t.

“You want some too?” you ask Hara out of politeness, knowing Jungkook never drinks during the week, as you pour yourself a generous first glass of your survival drink, wanting nothing more than to down it all before dinner starts.

“Oh no, thank you! I’m pregnant.”

The bottle’s still in your hand, but the glass is already at your lips with a hearty sip in your mouth, which you promptly snort back into the glass. You’re not sure if the tears springing to your eyes are just from the wine burning your sinuses and uncontrollably coughs or from your heart crumbling into dust at this revelation.

Jungkook—bless the tiny space you still occupy in his heart—is at your side in seconds, helping you recover from the near-death experience, but his touch feels scolding now.

Scolding in a way that makes you think back to all the times he said he wanted to be a dad, to all the times he fucked you raw and let his kink give you the best orgasms of your life. And eventually, you have to force yourself not to picture it—how he found all of that with Hara.

“Congratulations!” you manage to force out after everyone’s back in their seats and a bit of quiet has settled.

“Thank you! We’re all so happy, right?” Hara caresses her stomach, beaming at Jungkook, who looks just as thrilled as she does.

“Yeah! It’s going to have a wonderful mother.”

“Duh.” She laughs, sipping her water while you drown your glass, smiling and nodding as if you couldn’t agree more.

You don’t recall much of the conversations during dinner, don’t remember the sweet lies you told to hide how broken you are. But when Jungkook and Hara disappear into the kitchen after the meal, you grab Yoongi from his chair and drag him towards the door.

“Bye! Thanks for dinner!” you call to Namjoon and Hope, who look confused, but you’re too tipsy to care. Too tipsy to make out what Jin says to you as he rushes out of the kitchen, while you stumble outside.

“What was that?” Yoongi pulls his arm out of your grasp, hating it when you’re like this.

But you can’t hold it together anymore, alcohol always making you sad, emotional, and sentimental. Maybe it was the last straw—time to let Jungkook go, though him being so wound up this morning still nags at your mind.

“I’ve changed my mind.” You start walking towards the hostel, hearing Yoongi following, the snow crunching under your feet. “You’re free to do whatever you want.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Yes, you are. You need to end this limbo once and for all.

“I need answers, and I won’t get any if I’m not alone with Jungkook.”

Day 3

Maybe opting to spend the day alone with Jungkook wasn’t the best idea you’ve had. Not that it isn’t necessary to finally get the answers that have been piling up, but you’re not sure how to ask him without it turning into an interrogation.

Facing Jungkook first thing this morning would’ve been too much too, especially since you’ve barely had time to process the pregnancy bomb Hara dropped on you. So, sneaking out of the hostel it is.

You regret not stopping by Hope’s to grab your winter boots, but with no other option, you head out in full snowboarding gear, aiming to grab breakfast at Jimin’s.

What you didn’t expect was to spot Hara in the pastry shop as you stand outside, staring longingly at the treats like a starving kid. You can’t face her right now, so you quickly turn and decide to head anywhere else but here or the hostel, hoping there’s another bakery somewhere in town.

But of course, in your bulky snowboarding gear, you’re not exactly inconspicuous, looking more like an oversized ball of dark fabric against the snow. Naturally, Jimin spots you straight away, waving you in like you originally planned.

And of course, Hara notices too, her soft eyes and glowing smile radiating warmth as she waves at you.

Forcing a smile, you head to the entrance and with one deep breath, step into the lion’s den, thinking breakfast spent with Jungkook would have been the better option. 

“Morning, ___!”

“Hey Hara. Jimin.”

You’re still a bit pissed at Jimin for being a little shit yesterday, stirring the pot between you and Jungkook for no reason. But seeing him now, friendly and without the evil glint in his eyes, tempers your anger just a bit.

“The usual?”

“I didn’t know I had one,” you laugh, now standing beside Hara, who’s practically pressed up against the glass display of sweets. It’s kind of cute, and you reckon the pregnancy hormones are hitting her hard, especially this early in the morning.

“I’d die for a coffee,” she mumbles, fogging up the glass and quickly wiping it clear again to not spoil her view.

Jimin’s back is to both of you, already busy with the coffee machine. “I could make you a decaf.”

“No, I read somewhere that decaf isn’t really decaf. And while nursing, caffeine stays in the baby’s system for up to three days. I don’t even want to think about how long it stays in their system when they’re still in the womb.”

“Oh, that’s wild. I didn’t know that.” You’re genuinely shocked by the news, and a little concerned for any women who don’t know either.

“Yeah.” Hara sighs, fogging the glass up again and immediately wiping it clean.

Why Jimin’s not serving Hara first and is making your coffee instead is beyond you, but you don’t say anything. Maybe she can’t decide what to eat just yet, or there’s something she’s avoiding. Either way, you don’t want to end up as the town’s biggest grouch.

“Aren’t you warm?” Hara asks, glancing at you, though her gaze keeps drifting back to the sweets.

“Yeah.” You stammer a little, awkwardly taking off your coat, walking back to the door to hang it up on the rack, which has been bodged together again. You realise quickly that Namjoon or Jimin clearly aren’t cut out for DIY which is definitely a pass.

“Something to eat?”

“Yes,” you and Hara answer in unison, though hers is more of a relieved sigh, making you giggle as you make your way to the table you sat at some days ago.

“What’ll it be then?”

“How about a bit of everything as an apology?” you tease, unable to let his mischief slide like you probably should.

“Touche.”

“What did he do again?” Hara’s now sitting beside you, both of you watching Jimin as he diligently piles treats onto a massive plate. A brief flicker of guilt runs through you as you think about the way you’ve been eating lately, except for that one perfect meal at Jin’s. But you’re only here for a few days, so you might as well make the most of it. There’s no way you’re saying no to all this food, especially when Jimin owes you more than that.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Mhm, sure,” you smirk, crossing your arms as you exchange glances with Hara, who’s clearly curious and ready for some gossip, even if it’s at your expense.

She looks stunning in the soft morning light filtering through the window, her thick black hair falling in loose waves like she’s fresh from a blowout. Maybe it’s just good genes, because her skin is flawless—no makeup, no blemishes, no dark circles.

Maybe, in another life, she could’ve been a friend. But there’s no way you could ever be close to someone who’s got the man you love.

“Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“What did he do?” Hara’s leaning forward now, elbows on the table, hands framing her perfect face as she eagerly looks between you and Jimin, clearly hooked on your tea. 

“He’s been a little shit, stirring trouble.”

“I just brought you your favourite,” Jimin grins innocently, making his way to the table. But you can clearly see the mischievous glint in his eyes again, and before you know it, he’s setting down the dreaded americano in front of you. Hara’s already grabbed a macaron, barely waiting for the plate to touch the table.

“What’s so bad—” Hara starts,  talking through a mouthful of food in a way only you could relate to, but Jimin cuts her off. 

“She’s his ex.”

Hara’s reaction is immediate—she starts choking on her pastry, and you flash back to last night when you nearly drowned yourself with wine. You’re unsure what to do, hesitating with your hands hovering over her, worried about whether patting a pregnant woman on the back is safe as your panic rises. Luckily, Jimin sprints behind the counter, grabs a bottle of water, and leaps back over to hand it to her.

Thankfully, Hara recovers quickly, and your heart slows down as you see she’s alright.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?!”

That’s…not the reaction you were expecting.

“If you’d just checked the group chat, you’d know.”

“Wait, you have a group chat where you talk about me?!”

“Not important.” Hara waves you off with a hand, though the growing smile on her face makes the gesture anything but rude. She pulls out her phone and starts scrolling through missed messages, clearly catching up on something you’re not privy to.

You try to sneak a glance at her screen, but she leans away, blocking your view. Instead, you watch her face as she scrolls—at first, there are little giggles, but soon her expression sours into a full-on pout.

What the hell are they texting about you? Isn’t that illegal or something?

“Why?” she whines, looking at Jimin while your confusion just deepens.

“Dunno. Ask Namjoon.” 

“Namjoon?” The name slips out before you can stop yourself. It doesn’t make any sense for him to be involved in this.

Hara lets out an exasperated sigh, sinking into her seat like she already knows the answer Namjoon would give but is too drained to accept it. “Ugh, no way.”

You clear your throat, hoping to redirect the conversation, though the frustration is building. “Namjoon?”

“Yeah, Namjoon. Now eat before it gets cold.”

“Your pastries are cold,” you shoot back, but Jimin just waves it off.

“See? Now eat.” And with that, he disappears through the door leading to the back, leaving you stewing. You hate him for this—stirring up chaos and then vanishing as if he didn’t cause it in the first place. 

Hara, meanwhile, seems lost in her thoughts, again eating, one hand’s wrapped around a croissant, the other clutches a muffin. How she manages to look like she’s stepped straight out of a commercial is beyond you, and somehow it fits that Jungkook would be with someone like her.

You hesitate, not daring to nudge her. You’ve never spent much time around pregnant women—how fragile are they, really? Better safe than sorry.

“Namjoon?” you ask again, more gently this time.

Her eyes flick up to yours, as if she momentarily forgot where she was. There’s no defensiveness in her gaze, only a soft apology. She places the muffin down and reaches out to touch your arm after wiping it clean on her sweater, her hand gentle and comforting like a mother consoling a child. She’s really going to make a great mum.

“I’m sorry, love. I can’t tell you.”

Surprisingly, it doesn’t make you angry. You should be furious, with how cryptic everyone’s being, and especially with how inconsistent Jungkook’s been treating you lately. But you can see the sincerity in Hara’s face. She really is sorry, and somehow, that makes it harder to be mad. She’s just…lovable in all the ways you’re sure you never could be.

So you just nod, defeated, and finally start eating your breakfast as well. Thinking about all the conversations you could have with Hara right now makes deciding which one you’d actually want to have not that easy. 

Asking about her pregnancy could be a start, maybe how far along she is since she’s not showing yet. It would be a question asked just for the sake of it, to get to know her a bit better. Because quite frankly, even if you checked Jungkook’s or her social media to confirm if he was in town and might be the father of Hara’s child, it wouldn’t really help. The evidence wouldn’t be enough, seeing as he’d apparently be in Hawaii now if you took socials as proof.

Asking her how her relationship with Jungkook is? Not an option. Why would you willingly want to hear anything about their intimacy? Definite no.

Her childhood? Pass.

Her job? Don’t care.

Whether she has pets? Hmm, that would be nice to know. You love animals, regardless of their owner, so that’s where you settle.

This time though, you swallow the bite of food before speaking to Hara, who’s managed to eat half of the huge plate sitting before you both while you were lost in thought. Just as you part your lips, inhaling enough air to ask your first personal question, she freezes mid-bite with a half-eaten cinnamon roll in hand, her eyes wide.

“Oh no…” she breathes, mortified, cradling her stomach as she drops the roll and bolts towards the nearby toilet, gagging.

To your dismay, she doesn’t close the door behind her, and you can hear her throwing up everything she’s eaten so far, which sets off your own stomach. You start gagging too, barely able to stand, hating this reaction you’ve had since childhood whenever someone’s vomiting or even gagging near you.

You need to leave. Now. So you call out a quick “sorry” and “bye” with your hand over your mouth, grab your coat while passing the sad excuse of a fixed coat rack and rush outside. You’re not even fazed by the freezing cold, just relieved to be as far away from the sound of vomiting as possible.

Seeing no other option than to go back to the hostel and get your snowboard, you try to calm yourself as much as you can. It’s finally time to face Jungkook alone, how you’ll manage, you don’t know—but you’ll figure it out as you go.

When you enter the hostel, Jungkook’s already standing in full gear in the main area, turning his head from the hallway leading to the rooms when the chime signals your arrival. He looks confused for a moment, but as you approach your snowboard, you try not to let his presence faze you.

Though you fail miserably when your voice embarrassingly cracks. “Good morning.”

Jungkook still has the same effect on you. Anytime your eyes catch even a glimpse of him, whether in person or just a pixelated picture on the internet, he takes your breath away and makes you flustered all over again. It’s not like it’s something new—he’s had that effect on you ever since the first time you saw him, when he was tapping on your car window, asking if you needed help as you were clearly having a breakdown because you couldn’t, for the life of you, park in the narrow side street.

“Morning. Where’s your other half?” Jungkook’s voice turns slightly bitter, but as you look at him, you can tell he’s more irritated with himself than anything.

“He’s not coming.”

Jungkook raises an eyebrow in question, walking towards the door to leave for the hill.

“He doesn’t need it. It’s just us. Or should we cancel the lesson altogether?” You grin at him as you walk beside each other, playful but secretly hoping for a way out that won’t involve you breaking a bone today.

“No, ‘s fine.” You think you catch a small smile tugging at Jungkook’s lips, but he quickly pulls his scarf up over his mouth, hiding it.

“Did you sleep well?”

You mull over his question, wondering if whining about being awake most of the night because of Yoongi’s snoring, which could probably warrant a sleep clinic appointment, and your own relentless overthinking about Hara’s pregnancy and Jungkook’s involvement, warranting an appointment with a psychologist, would be a good idea. But you decide against it. Not just because you don’t want to confront him yet, but because voicing a lie to explain why a whole bottle of wine didn’t lull you to sleep doesn’t cross your mind quickly enough.

“Perfectly. And you?”

“Yeah, though the beds are a bit too soft. You like them though, right?”

Nostalgia hits you like a snow storm—the fact that Jungkook still remembers such trivial details about you.

“Yeah, I even brought my snuggly,” you giggle, knowing he’ll definitely remember that as well. 

What you didn’t consider is that the exact pillow you’ve been cradling every night since you got it was a gift from Jungkook himself. When his eyes snap to you, wide with recognition, searching your face to make sure he heard you right, you realise you’ve said too much.

He doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. In fact, he doesn’t say anything, and you’re too caught up in your head to even attempt small talk. How could you, with Jungkook? The two of you have never been like this, never awkward. You were always at ease, immediately friends, then more, and eventually…nothing at all.

It’s only when you reach the dreaded hill, with Jungkook stepping in front of you like the instructor he is—and how you should be seeing him right now—, that you try to bottle up everything, telling yourself you’ll bring it up later, maybe over lunch. It’s already late morning, so it won’t be too long until you get the answers you’re desperate for.

“So, today we’ll be snowboarding for real,” he starts, but it’s so much softer than when Yoongi was with you. There’s a gentleness in his tone now, something quieter, like he’s trying to ease you into it rather than push. “But before we lift up and go down the slopes, I want you to get a feel for gliding with a bit of speed.”

Yeah, no. He’s not easing, he’s definitely pushing you. You don’t like where this is going.

“First with a rope, then we’ll use the hill a few times, and hopefully before lunch we’ll make our first descent down the blue slope.”

“Blue?”

“It’s the easiest one. I’ll explain it in detail once we’re up there.” He points with his thumb over his shoulder.

Following the direction, you notice multiple skiers and snowboarders already dashing down the slopes. You’re pretty sure you hear someone scream right before they fall, snow exploding around them like flour hitting the ground. You gulp dryly, but you nod all the same.

When Jungkook pulls a cut-off lift cord from his jacket, you’re equal parts terrified and impressed by how much he carries around without you noticing.

“Clip yourself in, please,” he instructs as he unwraps the cord, walking towards you with both ends in hand.

Of course, you do as he says, but you can’t help glancing warily at the cord, still unsure of exactly what he’s got planned.

Shifting awkwardly on your snowboard, trying not to fall while Jungkook messes with the lift cord, you try to ignore the racing of your heart as Jungkook’s gloved hands tug gently around your body to secure it. But all your attempts to focus on anything other than how natural it feels for him to be helping you again, are futile at their best. 

„You ready?“ He’s got this grin on his face, one you recognise too well—the kind that usually means he’s about to do something reckless or ridiculous. It’s the same grin he had that time he convinced you to build a fort out of every cushion in his apartment, just because and why not.

“Not even a little bit,” you admit, but still, you’ve never been able to say no to that grin. Snowboarding is definitely not something you ever thought you’d be doing, yet, here you are, letting your ex teach you. It’s awkward as it sounds, except…it’s not.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’m gonna start pulling now. Just relax, yeah?” he grins, his voice carrying that casual, teasing tone that makes your heart ache just a little bit too much. Swallowing hard, you adjust your stance, trying to keep your balance as he gets into position.

“Relax? You’re literally going to run while pulling me. How am I supposed to relax?” you shoot back, giving him a look. Your knees feel wobbly just thinking about it, and you’re not even moving yet.

He chuckles, his eyes crinkling ever so lovingly at the edges. “Trust me, you’ll be fine. Just focus on staying straight and let me do the hard part.”

You shake your head, but deep down, you do trust him. You always have, even when you probably shouldn’t. Like that time he tried to teach you how to ride a bike after you told him you hadn’t been on one since you were a kid. He’d run alongside you, holding the seat, laughing the whole time while you screamed about how you were going to crash. And yeah, you did crash. But he was right there to catch you before you hit the ground.

“Okay, here we go!” Jungkook calls out suddenly, interrupting your thoughts. He grabs the lift cord a bit tighter, gives it a little tug, and then he’s off—actually sprinting through the snow, pulling you behind him like some kind of sled dog.

The board jerks beneath you as you’re dragged forward, and for a split second, you think you’re about to eat snow. But you don’t. Somehow, you manage to keep your balance, your legs flexing to stay upright as you glide over the snow. You can’t help it—you let out a yelp of surprise, half-laughing, half-shrieking, as Jungkook keeps running ahead of you, turning to look over his shoulder with a huge grin on his face, sparkling eyes, and a nose red from the cold.

“See? You’re doing it!” he shouts, his voice breathless but excited, clearly proud of you just for managing not to fall.

“Don’t distract me!” you yell back, laughing now despite yourself. The rush of the cold air against your face and the ridiculousness of the situation sends a burst of adrenaline through you, and for a moment, you actually feel like you’re snowboarding. Well, sort of. „I’m going to crash!“

„Nah, I’d never let you crash!“

You look up at that and he still looks annoyingly good, like he’s stepped out of a high-end winter sports ad. You wonder if he’s thinking about the past too—about the warmth you’d felt on those lazy Sunday mornings when you’d wake up next to him, the two of you tangled in blankets, sharing groggy laughter and sleepy conversation before starting the day.

Why did it have to end? That thought keeps creeping up, even though you tell yourself not to think about it. You weren’t right for each other, or maybe you were, but just not at the right time maybe. But there are still these little moments that get you. Moments like now, when he’s right in front of you, close enough but still far away.

Jungkook slows down a little, but his grip on the cord stays secure, guiding you as you slide behind him. It’s strangely easy, being pulled along like this. You’re not focused on your feet or the board or the fear of falling—you’re just…moving because of Jungkook. Making you remember all those rare times you’d dance around the kitchen with him guiding you in his sturdy arms, not caring if you looked ridiculous or if you were stepping on each other’s socked feet. Back when everything was uncomplicated, and just being with him made you happy.

“You’re not even trying to steer!” Jungkook calls out, teasing, his breath visible in the cold air. He looks over his shoulder again, his hair bouncing slightly as he jogs, and there’s something playful and secure in his eyes—something that makes you remember why you fell for him in the first place.

“I’m trying! Let me life!” you protest, though your voice is shaky from laughing too hard. It’s ridiculous, this whole thing, but you’re actually having fun.

“Alright, I’m gonna let go now,” Jungkook warns, slowing down even more. “Get ready to stop.”

You brace yourself, bending your knees just a bit more, trying to remember everything he told you over the last two days about controlling the board. But before you can do much more than panic slightly, he releases the cord, and you glide forward, the board still carrying you for a few more feet before coming to a slow, wobbly stop right in front of him, your snowboard between his legs.

You stand there for a moment, catching your breath, and when you turn your head up to look from Jungkook’s chest to his face, there’s nothing less than a satisfied smile on his lips.

“See? Told you it’d be fun,” he smiles, like this whole thing was a walk in the park for you. Honestly, it probably would be for him. He’s always been annoyingly good at making things look easy.

“Fun? I almost fell like ten times!” you exaggerate, but you’re still smiling. You can’t help it. It’s hard not to smile when you’re around him, even now, years later. 

Slightly out of breath, he gives you that boyish grin that makes you swoon even more. “But you didn’t. And you were laughing, which means you were having fun.”

You want to argue with him, to say that just because you were laughing doesn’t mean you weren’t terrified, but the truth is, you did have fun. More fun than you’ve had in a while, actually.

“Okay, fine. Maybe it wasn’t that bad,” you admit, brushing some snow off your gloves. “But I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s the point. You don’t have to know what you’re doing. You just have to let yourself try.”

You stare at him for a second, trying to decide if he’s talking about snowboarding or —again—something else entirely. It’s funny how easily he slips back into your life like this when you’re alone and forget about the world, making you laugh, making you feel like things aren’t as complicated as they really are. It reminds you of all those little moments you had together—when you’d stay up late, talking about nothing in particular, just enjoying the sound of each other’s voice or binge-watching shows that neither of you were really that into but refused to stop watching because you both needed to see how ridiculous the plot would get. Or, even, those lazy afternoons spent cooking together, fumbling through recipes neither of you knew how to make, laughing at each other when you messed up.

Those days were safe, easy. And even though it’s over, you miss that ease sometimes—the way he’d make you laugh without trying, the way he’d look at you during the quiet moments when he didn’t think you were paying attention.

Jungkook steps back and bends down to pick up the cord again, glancing up at you with that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. “Wanna go again?”

You sigh dramatically, though you’re already nodding. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

He laughs, and the sound of it is oh so wonderfully warm. “Nope. You’re stuck with me.”

As he starts pulling the cord again, you feel that rush of excitement building in your chest, the same way it used to whenever he’d suggest something spontaneous or ridiculously dangerous. It’s easy to forget everything else when you’re with him—how things ended, how you’re supposed to be moving on. But for now, in this exact moment, with him pulling you along like old times, you let yourself enjoy it. 

Because quite frankly, as soon as you have the talk with him, you’re sure there won’t be any of these shared moments anymore. Ignoring the ticking countdown inside your head is everything you’re willing to do for now, you’re not quite ready to let go of the ease that obviously can still exist between you, fragile as it may be. 

Some time later, after you’ve been gliding—no, really snowboarding—down the hill a few times, you’re sitting on top of it with Jungkook beside you. Both of you are clipping yourselves in, facing the lift where you’re about to head up for your first proper descent.

“People are already off to lunch, so the lift’s going to be pretty empty. Try to stop right behind me, I’ve got the ticket for you.”

“Okay.” you hesitate, but maybe it’s the perfect time to clear some of your questions. “Uh, before we start, could you tell me what you’ve all been saying about me in the group chat?”

“What?”

“Yeah, like, what you’ve been talking about me. About us.”

Jungkook looks completely confused, muttering, “We don’t talk about you there,” but he pulls his phone from his pocket regardless, unlocking it and heading straight to the group chat. “What the fuck?!”

“What is it?”

You try to peer at his phone, but the sun’s too bright for you to make anything out.

“They’ve removed me from the chat.”

Frowning at his phone, Jungkook quickly types out a flurry of messages to all his friends, each one filled with the same curse words and passive-aggressive tone. But when you see him typing to Hara, it’s just a politely phrased question, before he puts his phone away and turns to you with apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with—”

“Jungkook!”

You turn towards the chirpy voice calling out, spotting two snowboarders decked out in pink, gliding effortlessly towards you. Their gear isn’t baggy, snugly fitting and showing off their slender physiques.

“Who’s that?” you mutter to yourself, still transfixed by how effortlessly they come to a stop in front of you. You think you hear Jungkook mumble something like no clue.

Both girls remove their scarves and protective goggles, revealing not only perfect features but also flawless makeup—more suited for a night out than a day on the slopes.

“Hey,” Jungkook greets them, confusion evident in his tone.

“It’s so dope to see you again! Right, Minji? Best instructor in the world.”

Both giggle, and you notice Jungkook shifting uncomfortably. Did he sleep with them? They look so young, he wouldn’t have…right?

“Oh, thanks. Minji and…uh…”

“Sora!” She winks at him, still ignoring your presence. “It’s been, what? Two years? We’ve grown up now, right?”

“The Cho cousins! Of course! Wow, you really have grown up!” Jungkook smiles now, no longer bothered by the obvious flirting, though your mood sours the longer the girls stare at him.

“You remember,” Minji breathes, looking at him like a lovesick puppy.

“You want to grab lunch with us? Catch up a bit?”

“We were just about to—” you start, but Sora interrupts you with a pout.

“Pretty please?”

“Are your parents with you?” Jungkook asks.

“No, just us.”

Jungkook turns to look at you, and you school your expression into neutrality.

“We could have lunch now and then—”

“Yeah, the lesson’s over for today,” you say flatly, unclipping your feet from your board and getting up immediately. “See you later.”

You’re not proud of how you’ve handled it, but you’re done. You’ve wasted the whole morning without getting any answers, and now there’s another issue you wouldn’t have wanted.

“Wait!” Jungkook calls after you, but you’re already at the base, not looking back as you head straight to the hostel, hoping Yoongi had the sense and decency to finally grab your stuff from Hope’s.

Hearing Jungkook trying to catch up with you gives you that extra boost, despite your muscles aching, pushing you to increase your pace. It’s pretty embarrassing how you’re practically fleeing from him, but you’re pissed, and you’re petty, and he knows it too. Jungkook definitely still knows how to handle you when you’re like this, but right now, you just can’t.

Luckily, he doesn’t speed up, and you make it to the hostel first, stumbling inside. Everyone, literally everyone, is scattered around the main area as if they’re plotting something you’re not in on. They all fall silent the moment you burst through the door, with a few empty takeout boxes on the table and Jimin holding a clipboard and pen.

“Uh, hello?” you ask carefully.

That seems to break their trance as everyone starts blinking and moving again. Yoongi gets up with a takeout box in hand and walks over to you.

“Want some takeout?” He’s being too nice, and the way his eyes shift over his shoulder to Namjoon and Hope does anything but ease your nerves.

“What’s going on here?”

No one answers. Jin even starts whistling while cleaning his nails, which earns him a swift kick to the shin from Hara, who’s sitting between him and Tae.

“Just getting things ready for tonight,” Namjoon finally says, though you can see in his eyes that he’s straight-up bullshitting you.

You don’t have time to push for answers as Jungkook bursts through the door too, looking just as confused. “What’s going on?”

“Preparations,” everyone except you says in unison, making them seem even more suspicious than they already are.

“Why are you back so soon?” Hara tries to distract, smiling as she glances between you and Jungkook.

That’s your cue to leave though. You’re not dealing with this today. “Thanks for the takeout, I’m off for a shower. Bye~.”

And with that, you grab the takeout box from Yoongi, swap it with your snowboard, and stomp off in your snow-covered boots towards your suite. Locking yourself inside, you decide to spend the day on some much-needed self-care before you have to face the party tonight.

Because finally having the time to think—or rather, not to think—and just get back to your inner zen, maybe even start acting a bit more rationally, is exactly what you need. You’re just relieved that everyone, even Yoongi, has left you alone throughout the whole afternoon, only briefly interrupting you so he could get ready for the evening as well.

You’re not sure why you opted for the clothes you’re currently wearing, feeling ridiculously overdressed for this town, but at the same time underdressed for the weather. Still, you won’t let every other woman around you push you into their shadows, knowing there’s a spotlight for you too, even though you barely take it.

If Jungkook’s the visual type, which you know for a fact he is, then you’ll damn well show him what he’s missing. Not just to give him a mental middle finger, but also for you to feel at least a bit more adequate.

Maybe there’ll be someone at the party who’ll appreciate your appearance, someone who isn’t familiar with your past or your sorry attempt at being something you’re simply not. Maybe tonight’s all about getting answers and a change, closing the book written by Jungkook.

Grabbing your small purse, you stuff your phone into it, pulling on your boots, which don’t quite match your outfit, but leaving with heels would be a death sentence with the snow-covered streets. It’ll have to do, especially when you’re hoping that Jin’s place is dimly lit, so no one notices your footwear anyway.

When you enter the main area, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jungkook are already waiting for you, the latter two stunned silent as they take you in. It makes you blush, though you hope your makeup stays true to its claims and doesn’t let the pink show through.

Jungkook’s decked out in all black again, his fitted jeans straining against those massive thighs you’ve always had a weakness for. You think you spot a silver chain peeking out from his collar—it looks familiar, but you’re not entirely sure. You reckon it might be a new one; time has definitely passed, and it would be odd if he were still wearing jewellery gifted by his petty ex who dumped him.

“Finally,” Yoongi breathes, standing up from the couch with a clap to his knees.

Jungkook throws him an evil eye, though you chalk it up to his general hostility towards him rather than any real annoyance at the semi-rude comment about how long you took to get ready.

“You look beautiful,” Namjoon smiles, that dimpled smile of his, walking beside you as you head out to the party.

“Thanks, Namjoon, I like your hair.” You compliment him back, noticing the effort he’s put in as well, his hair now gelled back, showing off his forehead.

You’re glad Jungkook doesn’t butt in again, though the silent simmering isn’t much better. It’s kind of childish how he’s acting—not that you’re any better—but still, it grates on your nerves. At this point, though, you’re not even sure talking to him would help, considering how loaded everything is between you two, you reckon there might not be a way back to normalcy. Not that you know what normal would look like with Jungkook. 

When you finally reach Jin’s, you’re pleasantly surprised by how it’s transformed—not just because the whole town’s there, but because the decorations are on point. Multiple mistletoe hang from the ceiling, with glittery ornaments reflecting the fairy lights, making the whole place feel more like a Christmas nightclub than the posh restaurant it was just yesterday.

You spot Hope, Hara, and Tae right away, deep in conversation in front of a makeshift stage, where several microphones and instruments are set up. Jungkook and Namjoon are swarmed within seconds by women swooning over them like starved cougars which annoys you just a bit more than usual. 

It’s too much for you again—you can’t stand to watch—so you grab Yoongi’s hand and drag him to the bar, needing to drown a shot glass, even if it ends up filled with your tears by the end of the night.

“Hey!” Jin greets you from behind the bar, shaking up a drink for an older lady perched on a barstool, who looks like a cross between a crazy rich Asian and a fashion icon. You’re sure to see Jimin’s hair flopping at the other end of the bar, probably helping out in serving drinks tonight. 

“Yo, Jin, what’s up?” Yoongi daps him up, and you sit down, swirling slightly while deciding what you’ll drink tonight.

“What can I get you?”

“A beer for me and…”

“A shot of vodka and a glass of wine, please.”

“Going hard tonight?” Jin laughs, but he prepares your drinks without much judgement.

“It’s a party, isn’t it?”

“Of course. Enjoy yourselves,” he winks, setting down the drinks before heading off to serve another customer.

“You planning on getting smashed?” Yoongi asks, right before taking his first sip.

“Maybe. We’ll see.”

“Just talk to him.”

You give him a silent glare, throwing your head back as the vodka disappears before you know it. When you get home, you’ll definitely need to cut back on the alcohol—it’s gotten out of hand, and you know it.

“Maybe you don’t want answers.“

„Maybe.“ 

„You coming over?” Yoongi nods towards the group of friends, Jungkook standing with them next to Hara but with his eyes locked on you, watching intensely as you turn.

You can’t look away, not when he’s hypnotising you the way only he can, making you feel exposed to the core, even from across the room.

“No, I’ll come over in a bit.”

“Suit yourself.”

And with that, Yoongi’s gone, pushing through the crowd while you turn back to the bar, watching Jin and Jimin work, taking gulps of wine one after the other, just as soon as you set the glass down.

You can’t help but take occasional peeks over your shoulder at the others, always laughing and having a good time. But every time, Jungkook’s eyes are already locked on you, refusing to look away even when you catch him staring. His confidence is bold, and he’s never been shy about it—or anything, really—which only stirs the fire inside you, the one only he could ever ignite.

After your second glass of wine, your mind wanders to fantasies that can only come true in your dreams. What if he’s not with Hara? If he’s not the baby daddy? Would there still be a chance for you? Would you be enough?

What if you are? What if everything goes back to how it once was? Would you be happy? Of course you would, how could you not. Even the toughest days spent with Jungkook aren’t as hard as being without him. You’d take fighting with him over being apart from him any day.

But the fact that you’ve been sitting here for what feels like hours, and no one has even attempted to make a move on you, destroys your pride even more. Maybe you’re just not desirable enough, and Jungkook, being the peak of human perfection, would see it that way too.

When he joins you at the bar after some time, you don’t even need to look to know it’s Jungkook standing beside you, leaning on the counter—his unique fragrance mixed with his scent gives him away instantly.

“A whiskey, please,” he calls over the music to the barman, Jimin and Jin by now replaced by two unfamiliar faces.

“Didn’t know you drink during the week.”

Jungkook’s jaw ticks ever so slightly, his head hanging low as his fringe hides his eyes.

“Can’t I enjoy myself too?”

“Go ahead, enjoy yourself as much as you like.” You can’t help the bitter tone in your voice, hoping he didn’t catch it, but Jungkook noticed.

When he’s handed his drink, he turns to you, and you can’t help but take him in. It’s instinct at this point, letting your eyes shamelessly stray over his build and features, though he’s just the same.

“You look like you’re doing just fine without me.” Ouch.

“Maybe you do too.” You try to safe face.

There’s silence now as Jungkook takes a sip of his whiskey, his darkened eyes flickering over your face as if trying to make sense of you.

But eventually, he just shakes his head. “Having to learn how to live without you is a lesson I never wanted to learn.”

He’s gone as quickly as he appeared, and you’re left alone again. You can’t spend the whole evening like a fucking loner at the bar, so you order another glass, and once it’s handed to you, you get up and head towards the others.

Just like the rest of the night, they’re loudly chatting and laughing away, now joined by Jin, who’s massaging Hara’s shoulders, and Jimin, who’s clearly annoying the hell out of Yoongi.

“___!” Tae shouts over the heads of the others, bulldozing towards you as you stand beside Jungkook, throwing himself over your shoulders.

The hug mends your broken heart just a little, and you regret not coming over sooner, realising you were once again stuck in your head, missing out on the easy fun that was waiting for you.

“Tae, hi!” You feel a bit of wetness on your back, probably from the drink Tae’s holding, but you don’t let it bother you, knowing it’ll dry in no time with the heat surrounding you.

“You left so quickly this morning,” Hara pouts, and guilt washes over you instantly.

“Yeah, sorry, I’ve got a sensitive stomach and…well, you know…”

“Oh, I’m sorry!”

“No, it’s fine! Nothing you could’ve done,” you laugh, trying to brush off the awkwardness.

The chatter picks up again, and you’re relieved no one mentions you keeping your distance until now. Everyone seems pretty laid back, happy to let people take space if they need it. Well, everyone except Jungkook, who’s stepped a little away from you and closer to Hara.

It stings a bit—well, a lot—but you try to keep the tight-lipped smile intact, tuning into the conversations around you over the music.

“You ready?” Jin grins over Hara’s head at Jungkook, who shifts uncomfortably.

“Do I have to?”

“Course you do! It’s tradition at this point,” Hope laughs, and even though you have no idea what they’re talking about, his bright laughter makes you giggle too.

Jungkook still looks unsure, but when Hara nudges him, leaning away from Jin to whisper something in his ear while squeezing his bicep, he nods and hands his drink to Jimin, prompting cheers from everyone but you and Yoongi.

“What the fuck?” Yoongi mouths at you, and you just shrug, just as clueless.

“Here goes nothing,” Jungkook mutters, and as he and Jin make their way to the stage—Tae giving them both a hard slap on the ass—your own nerves start to flare up.

Hara stands right beside you, pulling you into a side hug. “I’m so proud of him.”

You don’t bother asking why; your question will be answered any minute now.

“Hello everyone! Thanks for coming tonight! And like every year, let’s kick off the real party with our babystarcandy!” Jin shouts into the mic, tossing paper hearts into the air as Jungkook grabs a guitar from the side, slinging the strap over his shoulder and stepping up to the mic Jin just left.

The room erupts into the loudest cheers you’ve ever heard, with Hara screeching the loudest. Jungkook glances at her bashfully with a small smirk.

“Hey, everyone.”

More deafening cheers follow, and you swear you see a black bra flying through the air towards the stage, though you’re not sure—your alcohol-hazed vision could be playing tricks on you at this point. 

“What do you want to hear first?” Jungkook’s smooth voice reverberates through the room, and you realise he’s made for the stage. You’ve never seen him like this before.

The crowd shouts random song titles you’ve never heard before, but the loudest—and from Hara—is a request for a song called ‘Guillotine,’ one you’ve too never heard of. Jungkook locks eyes with her again and simply nods with cheeks dusted pink and a small smile.

“Alright, this one’s for someone special.”

As the first chords flow from his guitar, his tattooed fingers gliding effortlessly over the strings, eyes closed as if he’s pouring his soul into the song, the entire room falls silent.

“Sleep on me, feel the rhythm in my chest, just breathe.”

You gulp, not just because his voice is beautiful beyond words, but because when you glance at Hara, you see her with glassy eyes, softly mouthing the lyrics. You feel yourself starting to break. The words rain down on you, pulling you under, making it hard to breathe without gasping.

“I will stay, so the lantern in your heart won’t fade.”

This can’t be happening. It really can’t. Jungkook’s found the true love of his life, and it’s not you. You were never meant to be—just a prototype, an example for the perfect candidate, but only a candidate. 

It’s her.

Tears well up in your eyes, though for entirely different reasons than Hara, who’s now curled into Jin’s side, still singing along, cheering for Jungkook, who keeps glancing in her direction with that same soft smirk.

“I know that you love me, love me, even if I lose my head.”

And as the whole room joins in, singing, clapping, and cheering, you silently crash. Splintering into a thousand pieces, never to be put back together. Your wine glass slips from your hand and shatters on the floor, but the sound is drowned out by Jungkook’s guitar. Still, Yoongi and Namjoon notice. They see you gasping for air, breaking, spiralling, and finally turning to flee from the hell that you’re forced to see.

You push through the crowd, head down, trying to block out the sound of Jungkook’s voice, but it’s everywhere, even as you burst outside and run towards the hostel. It’s still there, screaming in your head, with no way to drown it out.

01 • masterlist • 03

a/n 3: lmk what you think in any way you like! 👀 If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕

Like what you read? Check out my other work here!

All Rights Reserved © @/runariya 2024

taglist: @kookiewithluv , @closer-to-jungkook , @dreamcatcherluvr , @blueofocean, @leah-rose03 , @httpjeonlicious , @futuristicenemychaos , @cryingoverpixelsetc , @variety-is-the-joy-of-life , @kawaiiisstuff , @delusionalsnack , @jaykay-world , @kookie-vuitton , @https-mei, @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs , @avawants2havefun , @kawaiiisstuff, @ancagab16 , @lovingkoalaface , @lachimolalajeon , @jkslvsnella , @asimuss7 , @elinaki92 , @minghaosimp, @whoa-jo , @jaytheatiny , @winterbeartaehyungbestboy

[kiame-sama]

this is so stupid but im currently cracking up the idea of yandere lilia totally forgetting that his (somewhat new) object of obsession has not been informed of his actual age yet and trying to hit on them only to get like.

"Uh huh kiddo, what are you, fourteen?"

and just being stuck going 'no i swear to god im like 400 its a faerie thing please stop laughing i am a father of three-'

What Are you, Twelve? (Yan!Lilia x Reader)

(Changed from 14 to 12 because that is my usual go-to age to guess when kids (under 21) try to hit on me (over 25))

Warnings; Yandere, yandere relationship, yandere behavior, yandere temper, age confusion, Silver/Sebek/Malleus have to vouch for Lilia, old man trying to have game,

~~~~~~~~

"You know, (y/n)," you wanted to sigh when you heard him start up again, knowing the odd lad from Diasomnia was back at his usual antics, "I certainly wouldn't mind a moonlit tousle through the grass with you any night... Or any day, for that matter."

Part of you wanted to laugh and part of you wanted to scream in frustration. This had been ongoing since you met the oddly young vice-housewarden of Diasomnia, Lilia. He was a cherub-faced pallid creature with pointed ears that made him look like an elf, and he was obviously quite interested in you. Problem was, you weren't interested because you were almost certain he wasn't even old enough to attend Night Raven College, let alone be hitting on you in such a direct way.

You would give credit where it is due, Lilia often spoke as if he were an old man and he could occasionally speak as if he were wise beyond his years. Still, that didn't change the fact that you were almost certain he was a child who got in to NRC due to an older sibling. You viewed the black and pink haired boy the same way you viewed Ortho; as a child. Hence the problem you now faced as that same cherub-looking boy shamelessly made a pass at you for the fifth time that day.

It was easy to ignore when you were in class despite how the young boy tried everything in his power to get your attention. However, you were now in the cafeteria and just wanted a bit of peace and quiet. You had been spending time by the table Diasomnia students often occupied because others avoided it, but now you may have to rethink the strategy as Lilia would come bouncing over the moment he saw you.

"Lilia, I just want to eat lunch."

"I would love to eat too! Perhaps later I can have a taste of you?"

Enough was enough. You tried to not snap at others- especially housewardens and vice-housewardens- but this kid was not getting the hint and you were getting annoyed. It had to be something his older siblings put him up to, as even now you could see the Diasomnia students watching the interaction keenly. You hadn't had much time in classes with these magically-gifted students, but you knew enough about them to know which student was likely Lilia's caretaker.

So without a word to Lilia, you stood and marched right over to the table the typical Diasomnia students frequented. The one with white hair- who you knew to be NRC's own 'sleeping beauty' Silver- and stood directly in front of him with a hand on your hip.

"Call off your little brother."

"... Excuse me?"

You pointed to Lilia- who had happily joined your side- with an exasperated sigh.

"Your little brother, call him off or explain to him that children shouldn't flirt with others who are several years their senior."

This made an odd choking sound escape the green haired one sitting next to Silver. Though you didn't know that one's name, you knew enough to recognize he was the one most often yelling in any class he attended. Before he could respond, the slow rumbling lilt of the housewarden of Diasomnia hummed out.

"Lilia is not Silver's little brother."

"Okay," you gave an exasperated shrug, "then whichever of you is supposed to be keeping an eye on him, teach him some manners. Trying to sleep with someone older than him will not end well for either party."

"... Child of man, enlighten me, how old do you believe Lilia to be?"

"Too young to be chasing me."

It was then Lilia spoke up, his usual playful smile gone and replaced with a more contemplative frown.

"I'm old enough."

"Kid, what are you, twelve? I am way too old for you."

The lasting moment of silence almost made you wonder if your assessment of the boy's age was incorrect as those sitting at the table all shared a look. Lilia was no longer the bouncing excitable boy he typically behaved as, straightening up as if he were offended by your assessment.

"Twelve years-? Ah, it seems I've forgotten to inform you of my true identity. I am not human, (y/n). I am Fae. We age differently compared to humans-"

"Okay, so you're several decades old, but you are mentally tweleve. I'm still too old for you."

"... Silver is my son. I raised him, Sebek, and Malleus from infancy or near infancy."

"And I'm the Queen of Hearts. Lies are still lies, Lilia. No matter how well you spin them."

"No, I'm being serious. I am basically a father of three-"

"Lilia, I'm being serious as well. Stop chasing people older than you. It's not alright to ask someone older than you to sit on your face, okay? You shouldn't even be thinking about these things until way later in life."

You walked from the table, content that you had made your point clear as you went back to your own lunch. Lilia was beside himself with surprise and he couldn't help but look to his three sons for some kind of aid or assistance.

"I am not twelve."

"Father... I've told you, if you insist on acting younger than your age, humans are going to believe you are actually young."

"Then you talk to them, Silver. Or I may have to drag Crowley into this. My youthful appearance should not interfere in my attempts to gain their affections. That would explain why they look at me so oddly whenever I try to proposition them, though. Still, you don't want your dear father to end up a lonely old man do you?"

"Of course not, Father, you would be an excellent match for anyone-"

"Exactly my thoughts! So be a good son and wing-man for your father."

"... This is going to end poorly."

[anthurak]

Something I absolutely love about the alternate-timeline aspect of Scott Pilgrim Takes Off is that it really feels like a logical extrapolation and ‘next-step’ to the genre/trope-subversion and exploration of the original comic.

Remember how the whole idea of Scott Pilgrim the comic is taking a very basic, generic and ‘tropey’ premise; ‘Boy likes girl, boy must defeat girl’s seven evil exes in order to date her’, and uses it as the backdrop and framework to explore, deconstruct and develop its characters.

Like how the biggest conflict at any given point of the comic is never the actual battles with any of the Seven Evil Exes, but rather Scott being forced to confront some major problem with himself or his relationship with Ramona (usually the former). How the true ultimate ‘antagonist’ for both Scott and Ramona isn’t any of the Evil Exes, but rather themselves. Their own long-festering hang-ups and insecurities that they’ve been refusing to confront or acknowledge that have in turn led to them being pretty shitty people over the course of their lives. For as bad as Gideon is, he’s still only a mirror showing all the bad that SCOTT could become.

So with that in mind, it really feels like the anime simply took this idea a step further: What if we took the basic, generic and tropey premise that nonetheless served as the framework for the story and held it together… and broke it.

When the narrative guide and scaffolding that held the original story on a certain course is shattered when the story is just getting started, where does the story go?

It’s actually one of the ways I think Scott Pilgrim Takes Off can be appreciated even if you haven’t read the comic or watched the movie. Even if you aren’t familiar with the story, the first episode makes it pretty easy to guess how this story should play out: Scott meets Ramona, they have their first date, they really hit it off and seem set to become a couple. We’re introduced to what clearly seems to be our ‘Big Bad’ in Gideon and our ‘Starter Villain’ in Matthew. Again, even if you don’t know one thing about Scott Pilgrim, by the time Matthew Patel crashes the party you probably have a pretty good idea how this whole story SHOULD go.

And then Matthew (seemingly) KILLS SCOTT in their first fight!

THEN the second episode ratchets things up even further when all signs point to Scott, our title character, being ACTUALLY DEAD for real. And then Matthew, again the guy who should be the starter villain, goes and beats Gideon Graves, the guy who clearly SHOULD have been the FINAL BOSS of this story!

And then the third episode sees Ramona, the girl previously set-up as the designated love-interest, firmly established as the new PROTAGONIST of the story. With Ramona given both an overarching goal in finding what really happened to Scott, and an ongoing character-arc of meeting and reconciling with each of her ‘evil exes’.

Basically, even if you aren’t familiar with the full specifics of the source material, I feel like Scott Pilgrim Takes Off can still be enjoyed as essentially a show that at first sets up what seems to be a fairly wrote and predictable story before flying COMPLETELY off the rails at the end of its first episode into something quite a bit more unique.

[lurkingshan]

Love Sea Final Thoughts

I have been trying to wrap my head around my overall feelings about Love Sea, a show that is undeniably flawed but somehow charming anyway, that drops so many threads but does such a good job with a few of its core points that it's hard to be mad. I can't really say that this is a great drama, but I can say that I enjoyed it a lot and I think it's a good watch if you go in understanding some caveats.

Let's start with a few things I really loved about this show:

Mahasamut. A great character, he will be going on my shortlist of Thai bl favorites. He's smart, honest, patient, giving and forgiving but he also knows himself, his limits, and his worth. On top of all that, he actually looks like a normal person, with a healthy body weight and beautiful imperfect skin. So rare in dramas.

Smart class dynamics. I appreciated how much this show grounded Mut and Rak's relationship in their class disparity, how wealth and lack of same was a constant issue between them that was never forgotten, and how its effect on their power dynamic shifted over time as their relationship grew.

Very well-executed sex scenes. The sex in this show is tied to character development and relationship arcs, and every sex scene mattered to the story. We watched the shifting power dynamics between Mut and Rak play out via the sex they had together and by watching their intimacy we learned more about them.

Ridiculous chemistry. The main love story was supported by truly excellent emotional and sexual chemistry. I always believed in the attraction and the feelings between these two, and that helped a lot when the story didn't quite take me where it needed to.

Rak and Vie's friendship. I really loved that we spent time with these two as besties, and that they were genuinely so supportive of each other. Vie was a real MVP in kicking Rak's ass when he needed it.

Meena, the best child ever. What a delightful character who brought a lot of fun and lightness to the story. Her scenes with Mut were a true highlight.

And here are some things that didn't quite work for me:

Uneven focus for the main characters. Once we left the island to go to Bangkok, the entire show was about Rak, his backstory, his issues, his ongoing problems, and his needs, and Mut was kind of subsumed in his story instead of having one of his own. I was glad we got back to Mut's life at the end, but they really should have kept it present throughout so everything didn't feel so one-sided.

Shallow engagement with family trauma. And despite the fact that the story was so much about Rak's issues, the story never actually went deep on them. I still don't really understand a lot about his family dynamics. The show used his dad and cousin as villains and then his mom as an easy out to solve everything at the end, but we never dug into how all these people ended up this way in the first place. It was a real missed opportunity.

Rak's emotional journey. I was on board for much of it, but other parts felt a bit haphazard and all over the place. Sometimes it felt like he was suddenly progressing out of nowhere, and others it felt like he was backsliding just because the plot demanded it. I liked where the story took him a lot but the path to get there was pretty bumpy.

The side couple. WOOF. I have no idea what happened here, but that was a fail on just about every front. Mook was a hard character to love from the start, Vie felt like a completely different person with Mook than in all her other scenes, there was so much lying and manipulation for no good reason, and in the end they were left completely unresolved. If you are on the lookout for great gl pairings, you will not find that here.

So there you have it. This show is absolutely a mixed bag on its execution, so how much you end up liking it will probably depend on how strongly you connect with what it did well and where it dropped the ball. For me, it was a good experience and one I'll remember fondly. I'll definitely be watching the special when it's released and I hope to see this cast again.

[somedaylazysomeday]

Good Intentions Part Twenty-Three

Ongoing Silco x fem!reader fic (no use of 'y/n')

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3,900

Warnings: Arguments, threats, attempted blackmail, mentions of sex as terms of an agreement

Previous | Next | Masterlist

---

When Jazper said that he had set up a meeting for you, you hadn’t known what to expect. 

It was too soon for the next meeting of the Undercity Innovation Committee, which was the logical choice for a requested meeting. The committee was scheduled to meet every three months, and it had barely been a month since the last one. 

But you thought perhaps someone had been interested in setting up a partnership with the Haven similar to the one you shared with Stocked. Perhaps Cipanni wanted to have one of her apprentices stationed as a full-time mechanic for the Haven or Ronid was looking for more recommendations to fill his soon-opening apartment complex. 

However, the elegant Ionian woman waiting in the meeting room was unfamiliar to you. Jazper had simply directed you to the room with a smile, so you couldn’t ask for any clarification. Instead, you pasted on your best professional smile and stepped inside. 

“Hello,” you offered, adding an introduction when she looked up at you.

“Hello,” she returned, voice pleasantly husky. “My name is Ahri. I work for Councilmember Shoola.”

Your brows arched. “Nice to meet you, Ahri. I can’t imagine what I could have done to rate a visit from a Council staff member.” 

Ahri laughed. It was a genuinely happy sound and you relaxed slightly. “Please, sit. Shoola has become aware of the friction between the Upper Piltover and the Undercity. She sent me to explore options for improving relations between the two halves of the city.” 

“Is there a reason she asked you in particular?” you asked, terrified that the question would come off offensive. 

Thankfully, Ahri didn’t seem offended in the least. “I’m friends with Jazper, of course. His experiment with the Lanes has drawn quite a bit of attention in the upper city, and he has been helping me come up with ideas on fixing this rift.”

You straightened in your chair, hoping she wasn’t close enough to watch your fingers tremble as the enormity of that statement hit you. Piltover was interested in repairing relations with the Undercity? You weren’t fully convinced that it wasn’t a trick of some kind, but if it were true… well, the impacts would be enormous. 

“What- Uh…” You paused, allowing yourself a moment to gather your thoughts before you spoke. “I’m curious about what Jazper has suggested. Have you come up with any options yet?”

“Oh, yes,” Ahri confirmed with a nod. “I believe we’ve found our solution. I already got it approved by Councilmember Shoola, so we’re in the final stages now.” 

“Ah.” It was wonderful to hear that a plan to improve things was already in place, but you had to wonder why you were there. “In that case, what can I do for you? Jazper didn’t tell me much about this meeting before it started.” 

Ahri chuckled. “Jazper has a flair for drama. Let me lay everything out for you: there are many causes of strife between Upper Piltover and the Undercity. I’m sure you are aware of that. There is no one solution that can address the variety of issues between the two halves of the city, and my decision was that no single person can possibly decide how to fix everything.” 

You bit back the irritated expression that was almost certainly trying to bloom on your face. Everyone who looked into the Undercity walked away with an understanding of the enormity of its problems… but they still walked away. If everyone who could help walked away because they were overwhelmed, it wouldn’t help anyone. 

“The Piltover Council has agreed to create a task force,” Ahri continued, cutting your internal ire short. 

“A task force,” you repeated slowly, rolling the words around as if you could test them by the way they fell from your tongue. “To do what?” 

It was a loaded question. Politicians and the people interested in appeasing them often gave vague answers full of buzzwords that were sure to resonate with their intended audiences. People who intended to follow through on what they said they would do, by comparison, would give answers that were far more complex and nuanced. 

“Simply put,” said Ahri, in an already bad start, “the task force will investigate the causes of the problems between Piltover and the Undercity.” 

You nodded, working to keep your smile. “And what will they do with their findings?” 

“Create solutions for individual problems, test how well they work, and adjust as necessary,” she told you. “If a certain solution seems like it would be beneficial on a long-term basis, the Council has pledged to dedicate a sub-committee to continue working on it. They will report their progress to the task force and to the Council, until everyone agrees that there is no benefit in continuing the work further.” 

You took a moment to let that simmer in your mind. Ahri lifted a brow in friendly challenge. “Any other questions?” 

“One.” It was an important one, and you leaned closer intently. “Who will be on the task force?”

“A representative of each Councilmember, each one qualified in some way and vetted by Councilmember Heimerdinger.” Ahri grinned. “I know that's vague. I believe Councilmember Shoola is speaking with an economics professor from the University. Some of the others are searching for urban development specialists and environmental scientists. There should be a good variety.” 

You tried to keep the disappointment from your voice as you summarized, “No one from the Undercity, then.” 

“Strictly speaking, no.” You nodded slowly, but Ahri wasn't finished. “But the whole task force hinges on one person who lives in the Undercity.” 

If she said Silco, you were going to scream. 

“You.” 

The sight of your gaping face couldn't have been an elegant one, and Ahri probably lost any hope of your professionalism, but you couldn't help it. “Me?” 

Ahri laughed. “Yes, you. The Council wanted someone trustworthy, someone who knows the problems of the Undercity without being drawn into the attitude of spiteful independence that has made Upper Piltover reluctant to help in the past. Jazper recommended you quite highly.” 

Tears rose to your eyes and climbed your throat. “That was very kind of him,” you managed. 

“If half of what he says is true, Jazper’s recommendation is well-deserved.” Ahri gave you a sympathetic smile. “I understand that it's an overwhelming request. Like I said earlier, let me give you all of the facts and you can make your decision from there.” 

When you finally left Stonesea, your mind was filled to bursting with all the details of the offer. You would have to move to Piltover proper, since the task force was intended to start working full-time as soon as you arrived. You were going to be part of the task force - not its leader, but the one who would approve the ideas suggested by other members. 

As the only person who had worked in the Undercity, especially extensively, you had a vital vantage point on what would work and what would be a waste of city funds. The whole thing hinged on you: the work you had done with the Haven put you in a unique position. You were an expert on the workings of the Undercity while also considered trustworthy by the Piltover Council. Ahri had danced around it carefully, but if you declined the job, the task force would not happen. 

It had a strong potential to be an empty and placating gesture. There were good odds that Piltover was doing this to give the impression that they cared so they didn't have to spend time working on more realistic solutions.

At the same time, you were hopeful. This was the first time the Undercity had ever had a dedicated representative of any kind in Upper Piltover. It wouldn't fix everything and you were keenly aware of your own shortcomings, but it was an important step. The Undercity would have a voice working closely with the governing officials. 

You had no choice but to accept. 

By the time you arrived at your office, you were dazed. You sat behind your desk, pulled a cheap notepad closer to you and began to scribble. It helped ease the massive tide of thoughts colliding inside of your mind, and a rough to-do list started to take shape under the scrawl of your pen. 

You would need to do the next few months of grant requests. The others were more than capable, but you needed to make sure it was done. You needed to pack, obviously. You would have chances to come visit the Haven every so often, but not regularly enough to store belongings there. 

And, most importantly, you had to name someone to run the Haven while you were gone. You had already decided that it should be Arunn. For all the work he had done on himself and with other people, there was no one you trusted more to keep things going without you. Besides, with all the time Arunn spent by your side, he had a fair idea of how to run the Haven. 

Even so, you started a new list. This one outlined the guides you would need to build to help Arunn through the first few weeks without you. There was a lot that needed to be done and all of it seemed to be in rotation at any given time, but you had also spent your time building a solid team. Every member of the Haven’s staff was good at what they did, and they would help support Arunn until he felt comfortable on his own. 

You smiled a bit as you thought of how Arunn’s journey at the Haven had started and just how far he had come. He was wonderful, a natural caregiver with enough common sense to know when to back away from a situation instead of pursuing it. Yes, Arunn would be a marvelous person to lead the haven, but you had to contain yourself - you hadn’t actually asked him yet. There was a chance he would say no, though you doubted it. 

Every muscle in your body tensed as the door flew open with explosive force. 

You had half-stood from your chair when you saw the cause of it: Silco was standing in your doorway. 

At first, your focus was behind him. It was a terrible risk for Silco to come to the Haven, and you hadn’t planned for a meeting that day. You hadn’t done anything to divert staff members from being on the ground floor or in the area around your office. 

Fortunately, the hallway behind Silco was empty. You stared at him in shock and dismay. “Well?” you hissed. “Close the door!” 

“Is it true?” 

The demand was nonsensical, so you couldn’t blame yourself for staring blankly at Silco. “What are you-” 

“Say it isn’t true!” he barked out, crossing the room in a few rapid strides. “Tell me you are not stupid enough to accept a job on some task force the Piltover Council put together.” 

You fought a wince at the venom in Silco’s voice when he spat out ‘task force’. Carefully avoiding eye contact, you moved around him to close the door. When you turned, he had wheeled in place in front of your desk, watching you with an intense expression. 

No - not simply intense. His face burned with scarcely-controlled rage. You noticed for the first time that his clothes were in disarray. Nothing the average person on the Undercity streets would notice, but you did.

“Silco…” 

“Do not.” The warning sliced through the stillness of your office, cracking like a whip against your ears. “I will not believe you are so foolish as to fall for such a blatant attempt to placate the people of Zaun.” 

“I’m sorry to fall short of your expectations,” you said stiffly. You didn’t particularly enjoy being called stupid, especially twice in such a short span of time. 

Silco’s eyes burned at you, but he glanced away after a moment. You watched him take a deep breath, combing his fingers through his hair until it was swept back and away from his face. He tucked his hands behind his back as he studied a picture on your wall in a faux-casual manner. “You will turn down the offer.” 

You managed to keep from laughing outright. In Silco’s current mood, there were good odds that doing so would lead to violence. Instead, you kept your voice as calm as possible as you replied, “I will not.” 

The thin veneer of calm on Silco’s face disappeared in an instant as he wheeled on you, baring his chipped teeth. He managed to keep from shouting, but you could tell from the tension in the muscles of his neck that it was a close thing. “Do not test me. Not on this.” 

“I thought this over,” you argued. “Examined it from every angle. There are more reasons for me to take the job than to refuse it.” 

“Perhaps you did not think long enough on the other side,” Silco suggested. “Allow me to enumerate several of the many reasons you should not accept the position you have been offered.”

He wasn’t going to change your mind. You knew that and you suspected that he did, as well. Still, letting him explain might help him accept it more easily when you told him that you were going to leave. 

Plus, it might help soothe the twinge of guilt you felt when you realized that your relationship with Silco hadn’t even been a consideration as you were making your choice. You gestured for him to make his case. 

“First,” Silco started, and you already started to regret your choice. He had the air of a professor giving a lecture on something he loved - and he knew his audience was a captive one. “It is an empty gesture. Piltover has no true interest in reconciling the differences between us. There is too much to be gained with things remaining exactly as they are now.” 

You didn’t bother telling him that you had already thought of that. 

“Second, Piltover wants to recognize Zaun as part of itself. As the ‘Undercity’. Even the way they refer to us is as a lesser entity. They repeat time and again that we are lower and meaner, closer to the very dirt Piltover cleans from its streets. By accepting a place on this task force, you are undermining the possibility of a nation of Zaun.”

“That isn’t fair,” you objected. “Just because you hold out hope for a hypothetical future doesn’t mean I can’t work on making things better now.” 

“Hypothetical?” Silco repeated, an odd gleam in his eyes. “Only weeks ago, you were referring to Zaun and speaking of ways to make life better for her inhabitants. This is how we accomplish that.” 

“No, this is how we accomplish that,” you countered, patting your to-do list so he could be certain what you were referring to. “Thank you for sharing your opinions and arguments, but I haven’t heard anything that-” 

“I have not finished,” Silco said, a grim curve to his mouth. “Third, and perhaps the most important, I will not allow you to reside so far away.” 

You scoffed, the noise loud and rough in the quiet of your office. “We never negotiated an end to our agreement, but you don’t have the authority to tell me where I can or cannot live.” 

“Can I not?” he asked, tilting his head. 

“No.” You sighed, glancing down at your list as you thought over everything you had built. All you could do was hope that the community that had formed around the Haven would stand firm, even when things began to change. “Stupid as you think I am, I am not foolish enough to think that you’ll keep Shimmer out of the neighborhood-” 

Silco laughed. It was a sharp, mirthless sound. “Shimmer? Pet, I will do far more than release Shimmer on the streets. If you attempt to leave Zaun, I will ruin your life.” 

It was difficult to smile when your heart was choking you, but you did your best. “Ruin my life? How would you do that? By telling Piltover about the single donation I accepted from you?” 

“No,” he said, withdrawing a thin folder from an inner pocket of his coat. He tossed it carelessly onto your desk. “With this.”

You stared at the folder, framed by the edges of your to-do list.

Despite the haphazard way Silco had tossed it there, it had managed to keep its contents. And, judging from the way the folder’s cover was propped up, there were plenty of contents for it to hold. 

A sense of dread filled you as you continued to eye the folder like it was going to catch fire. Whatever it held, it couldn’t be good. And that wasn’t even taking into account the low threat in Silco’s voice when he said that he would ruin your life with it. 

“What is it?” you asked at last, looking up to meet Silco’s eyes. 

He nodded at the folder. “Insurance.” 

You glared silently. Clearly, Silco had no interest in handling this maturely. It figured - you finally had the chance to help repair things in the Undercity on a large scale and he decided to throw a tantrum. 

With a sense that you were somehow sealing your fate, you lifted the cover of the folder and peered inside. 

Notes. Pages of them, all filled with Silco’s small yet elegant handwriting. The first held an account of the first time he had watched you. Judging from the date, it was nearly a week before he had spoken to you. His account of that first meeting and a notation about you directing Arunn to the Haven filled the rest of the page. 

You leafed through the stack and started to find other evidence of your relationship with Silco. A handwritten receipt for the first check he had given you. Messages you had sent back and forth to communicate meeting times. Photographs of you walking up the staircase that led to his office.

Your hands were shaking. It could have been fear. It could have been rage. You weren’t overly concerned about the cause, because you were busy funneling all of your strength toward keeping a blank expression when you looked back at Silco. 

“Notes and records,” you remarked casually, flipping the cover of the folder closed once more. “None of it is very important.” 

Silco’s scarred upper lip was lifted in a snarl. “Despite how unimportant you deem our history, I believe you will find it matters a great deal to the Piltover Council.” 

You gave him a skeptical look, hoping that he couldn’t see the way your pulse was pounding in your throat. “Does it look great? No, definitely not. They might have reason to doubt my morals. But none of your ‘insurance’ is incriminating.”

“Is it not?” he asked in that lofty way that made you want to hit him. “Of all the evidence there, you believe there is nothing that would make the Council reconsider this plan? Their task force, which hinges entirely upon your moral character for justification? Because I disagree.”

“You said you would never use our relationship as blackmail material,” you protested. It sounded weak and childish even to your own ears, but it was the only argument you could think of that had a chance of swaying his opinion. “You promised me that before we started any of this.” 

“And I have not broken that promise,” Silco insisted. “I will not use our physical relationship - I do not need to. I have plenty from our business interactions. The money, the deals, the meetings. Innocent enough on their face, but given the skepticism Piltover holds for the nation of Zaun…”

Interrupting him was unwise, but not nearly as unwise as what you said when you did. 

“There is no nation of Zaun,” you snapped, relishing the way his eyes widened in astonishment. “That is nothing more than the pipe dream of a failed revolution. The people live in the Undercity of Piltover. Their lives are miserable because of people like you, who would rather burn down both halves of the city than allow it to join back together.”

Silco’s expression had gone flat, unreadable. You continued ranting, your words providing the only release to the stress of the situation. “If you are not the one helping people, you won’t let them be helped at all. You think of yourself as a benevolent ruler, but you’re nothing more than a power-hungry gangster obsessed with his own perceived power.”

Your office went deathly quiet. The only sound was your own quickened breaths as you glowered at Silco. He stared stonily back. 

“You are correct about one thing,” Silco admitted lowly. “I would rather burn this city down than allow it to be subjugated by Piltover again. And if I would burn my beloved Zaun, do you truly believe I would not use every weapon in my arsenal to keep you from speeding that subjugation? You will refuse the position on this task force, or I will release this information to the Piltover Council.”

He wasn’t smug. You had half-expected that he would be, but Silco seemed deadly serious. Two paths yawned in front of you with no room to continue as things had been. 

On one side, you could accept Silco’s terms. At the surface level, nothing would have changed. You would continue with your deal, continue working to help the Haven’s patients, and live with your knowledge of what could have been. But something would have shifted between you and Silco. He would know that he held power over you that was far greater than the power you held over him. Things would change, and they would stay changed forever. 

On the other path, you would simply… not. Not allow Silco to dictate your future. Not allow him to control the future of the entire Undercity. That would change everything from the surface all the way down to the bedrock. Your entire working relationship with him would be destroyed in one day, with one single decision. 

“No.” 

The very shadows around Silco seemed to deepen. “Do you doubt my intentions?” 

You wanted to laugh, but you were worried you would start to cry. Instead, you shook your head. “Your intentions have never been in question, Silco. You can give your information to the Council. They will probably cancel the task force and you will have gotten exactly what you wanted. But I have to try to help these people.” 

“You are helping no one but yourself by leaving,” Silco accused. “You care only for your own prestige. No outsider has ever truly cared for the people of Zaun. I dared to hope that you were different.” 

The accusation was a slap in the face. Unfortunately for Silco, you were entirely numb by that point in the conversation. You continued as if he had not spoken at all. “And in the likely event that I stay in the Undercity, our deal is over. You broke the terms of our agreement.”

“I did not such thing,” Silco spat. “These are business dealings-” 

“And you expect me to believe you don’t have a personal file on me?” you demanded, giving a harsh laugh when he didn’t immediately answer. “Exactly. By keeping these records, you confirmed that you planned something like this from the beginning. Our deal is done.” 

Silco loomed over you, mismatched eyes blazing.

You met them without fear as you held the office door open for him. “Get the hell out of The Haven.”

---

Author's Note - So, friends, how are we feeling? Sorry for the angst and I'm even sorrier that there's more to come. We're moving toward the end of this fic. Not super quickly, but we'll probably have things wrapped up in about ten more chapters. (I'm wordy, my bad.)

Anyway, for any of you who were just here for the spicy stuff, there's not going to be very much of that from here on out. A few scenes here or there, sure. And after I'm done wrapping things up, maybe I'll give in to the requests and write a chapter or two from Silco's POV. But if you want to dip out, now is probably a good time for it. (Thank you for reading this far!)

For those of you who intend to see this fic out, I'll see you next month! Feel free to send any questions in asks, DMs, or through the ever-beloved comments section. Thanks for reading!

[prismuffin]

A/n: Sorry this is a bit specific- I wanted to write smth for myself that I personally relate to and am dealing with. Made the reader gn so anyone at all can read this if they also relate!

Normal

Steven Grant x asexual(spectrum)!gn!reader

( summary: Steven and you had been together for a few months and he always wondered why you often pulled away from him whenever he tried to get explicitly touchy with you during intimate moments so he decides to ask ) warnings?: angst, pre-established relationship, talks of sex (no actual sex), reader is specifically portrayed to be both placiosexual (meaning they have no problem sexually pleasuring their partner but don't want their partner pleasing them) and cupiosexual ( meaning that the person often wants to experience a sexual relationship but can't for whatever reason) , reader being confronted about their sexual orientation, reader not being completely ok with their sexual orientation! !-!more under the cut!-!

You and Steven had been together for a few months now and everything had been perfect. You knew about Marc, accepted his flaws and quirks, were kind and loving, you were everything he'd needed.

Not too long ago he'd decided to ask you to get a little more intimate, it was clear that you were previously waiting on him to be ready which he appreciated. When the night finally came where you two were intimate it was a bit more one-sided than Steven had thought. It's not like he wasn't satisfied or anything, quite the opposite actually. You'd focused all your attention on him, making him feel good and completely disregarding your own satisfaction. He at first thought it was because it was your first time but now after being intimate with you for a while he realizes how uncomfortable you get with him when he tries to reciprocate any sort of intimate action towards you. Sure things like little love-bites are accepted by you but anything past that you shut down for the most part. It's gotten to a point where he wonders if its just him that you don't want to be intimate with, but the way you treat him, please him contradicts that entirely. So as you sat on the couch in your newly shared apartment he couldn't help but wanna ask.

"Y/n...?"

You hummed as you turned away from the random cooking show that played on the TV to focus on Steven. "Yeah?" You watched Stevens eyes fill with hesitancy as he looked at you. "Uhh, I just- I have a bit of a question.." He stated, speaking a bit quieter as he eyed you cautiously. You nodded, grabbing the remote and turning down the TV. This was obviously important if he's acting this nervous so you decided to give him your full attention. "What's up? Is something wrong?" You turned a bit so that you'd be facing him fully. "Not really, I've just been wondering about something for a while," He fidgeted with his hands before continuing. "I mean, we've been intimate for some time and I love it, I really do, but how come you never really let me..." He trailed off, gesturing between you and him a bit. "Let you...?" You questioned, you had a hunch where this was going but thought it'd be better if he clarified before you jumped to conclusions. "Let me touch you..." Your heart dropped a bit at the question, yup it was what you thought. You suppose that this was gonna come up sooner or later.

You usually only performed oral or manual sex on Steven, never really fully going all the way for your own comfort but you guess it can seem a bit weird after a while to perform only those things. "I...uh..." You hesitated, unsure of just how to go about answering this. You knew you were on the ace spectrum, placiosexual to be specific, but still there was something inside you yearning for a sexual relationship and though you technically have one you want to really feel it. But the thought of letting that happen sickens you. It's been an ongoing battle in your mind for years, you hope you'll eventually "grow out of it" but you haven't had many opportunities to try, anytime you do something in your mind just shuts the whole thing down. "I-I'm sorry, that was insensitive of me- it's ok you don't have to answer-" Steven stuttered out but you were quick to dismiss his worries. "It's fine, it just caught me a bit off guard ya know?" You chuckled dryly, nervously as you swallowed thickly and sighed. "It's uhhh, I'm sorry I'm just a bit...asexual..." Stevens eyes widened at the confession as he inhaled sharply. "Oh bloody hell- I didn't like make you do those things right?"

"No- Steven it's fine I was fine with all of that I swear." You smiled though your eyes held a bit of sadness to them.

"Are you sure? Don't asexuals not like to perform sexual acts like that?" He asked and you nodded. "Some don't sure, but asexuality is a spectrum Steven, I'm not completely uncomfortable with the idea of sex its just uhh it's a bit hard for me to receive any sexual favors." He nodded slowly as he took in your words, not entirely sure on how to respond. "So, how much are you comfortable with?" You hummed at the question, for some reason it made you want to cry though you bit back the thought before anything could show. "Well I'm Placiosexual, which means I'm completely fine with doing sexual acts on my partner, you." He smiled, grabbing your hand as you continued. "But when it comes to receiving those same acts from others I get a bit uncomfortable.." You looked down and he nodded, moving his head lower to catch your eye again. "What's wrong?" "It's nothing I-" "I accept you ya know? This isn't gonna change anything between us I swear." You were silent for a few seconds after that, you'd expect nothing less from Steven but that wasn't entirely the problem. "I know that." "Then what is it?" He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb and you sighed, not being able to hold yourself back from tearing up a bit. "I just- Sometimes I really envy you." "Envy me?" "Yeah, you can just be ok with stuff that makes me extremely uncomfortable at times." You paused, trying to decide how you wanted to word this to get your point across. "I don't want to be this way all the time, I want to feel comfortable in those moments, to connect with someone like that but I just can't and I've always hated myself for it." You couldn't help the tear that escaped your eye, deciding to just let it fall. "I just wish I was...normal,"

"You are normal." Steven was quick to shut down your negative thoughts.

Looking at him directly you were shocked to see him tearing up a bit. "Steven..." "You're completely normal Y/n, nothings wrong with you, you just have a harder time getting comfortable with those things and that's ok, everyone's different love," "But I don't want to be different!" You choked out, more tears streaming down your face at the confession and he paused. Moving closer to you, he grabbed your face in his hands using his thumbs to wipe your tears as you shut your eyes. Leaning in he softly placed a kiss to your nose before sighing. "Who you are is completely okay love, and if you really want to we can try and take things slow for you alright? But you can't be mad at yourself for feeling the way you feel about something as futile as this." You sniffled, slowly opening your eyes though not looking at him directly. "What you do for me is enough already, I don't need to have sex with you to love you." That seemed to really hit you as you started crying again, moving to hug Steven. He stroked your back as you cried, whispering comforting words to calm your ragged breathing as you held back sobs. "I just don't wanna feel this way forever." You mumbled and Steven hummed, pulling back from the hug to look at you. You tried to wipe your tears but Steven had beat you to it. The small amount of affection making you smile briefly before you sighed. "Like I said before if you really want to try and change it we can take it slow," "I-I don't really know, I mean I want to try but I don't because I know I'll just feel disappointed." Steven offered you a smile as he continued to caress your face, ready to wipe away any stray tears that still fell. "Then we won't. Not unless you're 100% sure you want to try. And even if that day never comes it'll be alright." You were quiet as you took in his words.

Part of you hoped that one day randomly you'd just start to feel ok with it all but you know that's most likely never going to happen. But with Stevens words on your mind you feel a little less bad for feeling this way. Maybe you're not some weirdo after all, maybe you are just a normal person. Even if you never change the way you feel, Steven will still love you and at the end of the day isn't that all you really need?

----!----

( This was once again quite personal to me so I'm sorry that it's like so specific but I needed some comfort so I decided to make my own comfort fic LMFAO )

Thanks for reading! Have a great day/night!!

My requests are CLOSED !!

See my DIRECTORY for upcoming fics!

Masterlist

[txttletale]

what is it that makes an episode top 10 bad for you? i ask cuz quite a few on your list don't even click my radar, they're just bland rather than infuriating (for me)

rosa -- spectacularly ill-conceived plot that contrives to have the doctor and friends sit on the rosa parks bus (!). hinges the stakes of its plot on a deeply minimizing and racist view of rosa parks and the civil rights movement

arachnids in the uk -- overwhelming reaction was 'why am i watching this'. episode that made me give up on chibnall who. all the characters potter around a hotel for forty five minutes before realizing that the problem goes away on its own and everything we've watched has been a huge waste of time

spyfall part 2 -- inexplicably makes it so that the only historical figure friends the doctor has to mindwipe are women, throwing s9 and s10's much-deserved critique of nuwho's mindwiping habit in the trash. the first master of colour is a nazi. most racist moment in the show's history. huge letdown of any potential spyfall part 1 indicated

the battle of ranskoor av kolos -- boring. bad. there's no battle and ranskoor av kolos doesnt mean anything. characters walk around with paper-thin motivations. central conflict is stupid and is resolved in a stupid way. sub-childlike understanding of its own morality

the timeless children -- i once heard this episode described as 'the master spends 45 minutes forcing the doctor to look at his powerpoint presentation' and yeah

victory of the daleks -- nothing but nauseating british jingoism and churchill worship until the new daleks get revealed with a bunch of fanfare only to spend their debut story standing perfectly still in color coded order. then amy saves the world because she's Woman and knows about Romance

the crimson horror -- doctor-lite episode about my least favourite recurring comic relief characters until the doctor shows up at which point he's a sex pest

the bells of st. john -- what if phones but too much

a good man goes to war -- like a bad version of journeys end where instead of beloved characters teaming up to save the day its a pirate wh oshowed up in one episode, a blue guy who sold river a gun or something once, and three guys we've never seen before, showing up to resolve the unbearalbe amy pregnancy plot with a stupid twist that goes nowhere and means nothing

name of the doctor -- after half an hour of Going to a Place clara steps into a hole. a lame resolution to the lamest arc in the show's history. i dont care abouyt anything that happens. at this point we're so buried in incomprehensible moffat nonsense that every other line in this episode is a reference to some ongoing arc words or another. like shut up about trenzalore i dont caaaare

[perexcri]

fic recs!!

i woke up to being on a couple of fic rec lists and really appreciated it, so i wanted to capitalize on the nice energy and make a list of some of my own favs that i've read recently that i didn't necessarily see on the other lists :D check these out because they have some of the best prose/plots/characterization that i've read in the fandom :] 💜

one soft infested summer (M, 18k+, 3/7 ongoing) by @wheelersboy - this one is perfect for all the highler fans out there! it's got stoner byler of course, a music festival, lots out camping, and some really amazing writing! i started it just for the fun stoner vibes because Why Not, but i'm staying for the beautiful writing and the really complex and delicate relationship mike and will have in this one

Light Sleepers (T, 15k+, 2/6 ongoing) by @helioleti - WillEl-centric fic set during the time gap between the end of s3 and the beginning of s4 that explores their dynamic and their respective problems with mike, all while trying to cope with moving across the country from everything they know. each chapter is meant to reflect a certain stage of grief, which fits so well with all the complicated emotions everyone is going through!

drank my poison all alone (T, 4k, one-shot) by silverluminoqity - mike gets vecna'd and has to face his past self who's ashamed of who he's grown up to be, and my dudes the writing goes SO HARD. by far one of the best mike gets vecna'd fics i've read with such a good take on his character

star eater (T, >1k, one-shot) by @lowlightt - another fic where the writing does not play. honestly if you have a few minutes, READ THIS FIC. it's mostly just a confrontation between will and vecna, but it's so so powerful and impactful. and again, i cannot state it enough: the writing is AMAZING

tell me again (you said yes) (M, 32k, 3/3 complete) by @willow-lark - hey remember when cleradin was like a Thing for a brief second a few months ago? well if you miss those vibes, or if you just like great writing and some of the best weaving of canon into a fantasy au i've ever read, please look no further than this fic (and it's first part, fireball him! (cast protection)). i love this one dearly and enjoyed the wonderful ways Lark wove canon (specifically s1) into such a different setting, plus it was nice to see many of the other characters play a role in the events. beautiful, astounding, heart-wrenching - and did i mention there's an elopement 👀

In Undertow (M, 17k+, 3/6 on-going) by @souverian-are-we - this and one soft infested summer have become my summer byler reads~ when i say i love this fic, i mean you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands 🥰 we've got estranged byler, jancy engagement with some stoncy going on in the background, and most of the characters still reeling from the consequences of their final battle with the upside down. it's all set at a lake house, which provides some breathtaking/atmospheric writing that this author uses to their advantage. it has some of my favorite scenes i've ever read in fic too, ones that have literally taken my breath away

california show your teeth (T, 77k+, 10/19 on-going) by @fireflywitch - what if the Byers and Hopper families were from Lenora and moved to Hawkins? this fic takes this one simple premise and turns it into one of my favorite fics i've ever had the pleasure of following along with. it essentially functions as a retelling of s1 and s2, gives almost every main character that's been featured in the show thus far a lot of time and space for their own plots, all while culminating into one larger story underneath. i don't think i've read a fic quite like this one in terms of its scope, plotting, and characterization, because there are a lot of moving parts, but this author goes above and beyond. i cannot recommend it enough

all i know is pouring rain (and everything has changed) (T, 3k, one-shot) by @willelfanpage - i think i read this one at the beginning of my workday while i was running some report on my computer and had to go about the rest of my day as if everything was fine ahah :'D seriously though, it's 3k words that pack an emotional punch all while examining will's relationship to rain. the writing is just gorgeous, and it's a character study that i haven't really seen done before, which was quite enjoyable~

Chasing Heartlines by (T, 7k+, 1/2 on-going) @cherryisgone - if you liked Tip-Toeing on Lilypads then may i direct you to its sequel, which features so much pining mike that he might as well be a tree? again, if you like cleradin/fantasy aus, then Cherry my beloved has you covered 💜 it fits so neatly with Lilypads and provides some fun contrast between will and mike~

Touch Me Like You Know Me (M, 15k, 4/4 complete) by @starsarefire824 - this exists in the rare pantheon of fics that actually made me cry. imagine an estranged byler reunion with all the emotions turned up to an eleven, and lots of lingering on lost time and how life sometimes takes us places we never thought we'd go. it's absolutely beautiful and is a classic to me :]

come back to me and forgive everything (T, 78k, 18/18 complete) by @howtobecomeadragon - i saw a lot about this one when it was on-going but am only just now getting around to reading it, and all i can say is why did it take me so long to get to it :') this author does such a good job of writing will and mike's relationship with a lot of nuance and complexity while still managing to make them feel like the teenagers they are. basically, will has to spend every july at lonnie's house in indianapolis, and for this summer in particular, the event is a lot more emotionally impactful for both mike and will. there's lots of emotional depth, the complexities of coming out and/or realizing you're queer, and, at the heart of it, how two friends try to mend things between each other. it's so soft and sweet

that's all i've got for now!! i'm quickly running out of time on my lunch break :'D also haven't been writing as much, but it's been fun to read more and relax a bit. hope you guys enjoy these because they're genuinely some of the best stuff i've had the pleasure to read in a while 💜💜💜

[drawnthejayys]

Meet my BLU Team OCs !!

Info/Bios under cut!

Dr. Warin Kölher

• Born in Mannheim, Germany

• Team Leader, some refer to him as "Mother Hen" because of his protective motherly attitude

• Lost his medical degree early because he kept experiencing near death situations around his workplace, they thought it was becoming too dangerous even though nobody else was affected 💀

• Survived hell and back more than once (literally) before becoming a mercenary

• Happy face pin on his hat expresses his emotions somehow?¿

• Not a demon or anything, trust me!!!!!

• Likes crows, wants one as a pet

• Says he has a rare skin condition (is lying)

Jenny Thomas

• Sees Dr. Kölher as a parental figure

• "IF AUTISM DIDN'T EXIST, GOD WOULD NOT HAVE CREATED ME!" /ref /j

• Actually born in Canada, does not know

• Sent to Michigan (in a box) as a baby and grew up there

• Collector of many things (rocks, sticks, nuts n bolts)

• Can be very trigger happy especially on the battlefield

• Dr. Kölher gives her star stickers when he's good, he sticks them in his helmet (is tryin to collect 50 of them 🇺🇲)

• Owns chewelry because she has a biting problem but easily breaks through all of them in less than a week

Mason

• nickname: mason jar

• If Mundy listened to midwest emo (/hj)

• Look, we don't know how they escaped New Zealand when its currently at the bottom of the ocean but we don't ask

• Laid-back but lazy at times, takes a lot of naps

• Smokes more weed than Spy smoking cigarettes /hj

• Dumpster diver

• Their Jarate skills kinda go crazy

• Games with Junior, they love first-person shooters

Spy (alias: Rune)

• Get half filipino'd loser🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭🇵🇭

• Backup strategist for when things go to shit but also the last resort for a lot of things unfortunately

• Anxiety ridden, visits the doc often

• Good at stabbing, not much with shooting

• Acknowledges Scout as his son but is a very awkward dad. He's trying at least

• A hopeless romantic and has been looking for a partner since the divorce(tm)

• Smokes but is trying to quit, often been seen with a toothpick instead of a cigarette

• Autistic just like me fr, stims with his butterfly knife

Dallas

• Tough cowboy, doesn't play around

• "Watch your piehole son or imma SLAP YOU SILLY."

• Probably the sanest in the team

• Grumpy-pants who needs a break

• Very "tough love" kind of father figure

• "MY TEAMMATES ARE ALL MORONS!!!!" /ref /j

• Homophobic homosexual (/j)

• Despite his name, he might not even be Texan

• Tolerates Dr. Kölher the most

Dymitry (Mitya)

• Here to do his job, nothing more

• Intimidating just like the OG Heavy

• Fond of animals and small creatures

• Actually quite calm, its hard to piss him off

• He has a soft spot for Jenny and Meeka and buys them snacks on the weekends

• Jenny calls him Mitts!

Junior

• Transmasc bastard

• He'll beat your ass (for fun!)

• Good friends with Sniper, they listen to music and play video games together!

• Knows Spy is his dad and is very nonchalant about it, much to Spy's dismay ("I am your fathe-" "Whatever, don't care, didn't ask")

• Has braces paid for by Spy but has to leave base monthly to go to an actual dentist because Dr. Kölher didn't wanna keep seeing him cry whenever he had to get his braces tightened

•Still has buck teeth :3

Meeka

• Your honour, they're just a little guy

• Hangs around Mitya to keep him company, theyre the best of friends!

• Goes on crazy killing sprees with Jenny during matches

• Ongoing beef/goof-off with the RED Team's Pyro

• Pinkie Pie energy!!

• Dallas is their (adoptive) dad!

Angus

• Superstitious about a lot of things but keeps it to himself

• For some reason is always very warm which is why he's shirtless 90% of the time

• Has some amazing tits ngl

• Will wear a dress to the function and be the hottest one there

• His fav food is burber 🍔

• Loves hard rum and scotch (its important to me that all my demo ocs have a fav alcoholic beverage)

------------------------

That's all of them! I hope you like them :3

[elminx]

Energy Update: May 2024

May is a "4" Universal Month [5 (May) + 8 (2024) = 13 = 1+3 = 4] in an "8" Universal Year. "4" months are about shoring things up and creating structure. We were put through the wringer during April's intense total solar eclipse and Mercury retrograde cycle, and now we are tasked with picking up the pieces and making something out of what is left.

The Set Up

We begin the month of May with the Sun, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus in Taurus; Mercury and Mars in Aries, Saturn and Neptune in Pisces, and Pluto in Aquarius. This continues our pile-up of planets which have now been in a sequence of conjoining signs for several months. This indicates that this area of life - stretching from Aquarius and Pisces (the last two signs in the horoscope wheel) through to Aries and Taurus (the first two signs) - needs all of our attention. Something is ending and something is beginning but we are still mid-process.

By month's end, the Sun, Venus, and Jupiter will have entered Gemini and Mercury will enter Taurus. Additionally, Pluto will have stationed retrograde.

The Nitty Gritty

When I say that "4" months have a certain feel, I want to point to May 2024 as a prime example. April was challenging for many people (I hesitate to say most but I think it might be headed in that direction) and it has left a big mess in its wake. It may take some time to gather ourselves enough to pick up the pieces, but May, with both its transits and its 4 energy, will offer us every opportunity to do so. The thing is, "4" energy isn't something that just happens, you need to work for it.

In this, often-lazy Taurus isn't doing us any favors but we are getting quite a bit of support from Mars in its home sign of Aries and Saturn in Pisces. This month's big flex will be to get up daily and put one foot in front of the other. Show up for yourself. There are a couple of potential windfalls towards the end of the month but they will be much more beneficial for those that have put in the work beforehand.

The month begins with a bit of an ending as Venus in Taurus meets up in a fixed square with Pluto in Aquarius. There are a couple of things in play here. The first is that Pluto retrogrades the next day; during this retrograde, it will move backward into Capricorn for the last time later this year. The second is that this is part of an ongoing interplay between Venus and Pluto that stretches back to Venus's retrograde in January of 2022 which was directly conjunct with Pluto in Capricorn.

We are in an ongoing cycle that involves the evolution of relationships (highlighted by our lunar node's transits through Aries and Libra) with a marked push towards valuing the individual over the system as a whole. Venus, through her rulership of our relationship-loving sign Libra, has been in the hot seat for a while now. Now she is in her other ruling sign, Taurus, a sign that can be equally as unwilling to make a change. The problem is that Pluto isn't a planet that can be reasoned with - as one of our outer planets, it is far beyond our control and immune to our influence.

When given the choice to bend or break, Taurus rarely chooses to bend. That will be a problem all month long as our personal planets all move through the sign of the bull and are forced to butt heads up against the inevitability that Pluto brings to the table.

Mars is in play here, too. At the end of April, Venus and Mars entered their home signs which is generally a positive indication for relationships of all kinds. Unfortunately, it brings both into immediate contact with Pluto. This could be a boon for relationships that are future-focused and committed to changing in ways that benefit all people involved. But it will be part of the ongoing stressor for those that are not. This is your cosmic reminder that the North Node in Aries demands independence for all parties during this time; avoid that at your peril.

Pain is on the table. Mercury, now direct, is working its way through its post-retrograde shadow where it meets up with Chiron for the third and final time at 21° Aries. This is very close (within 1°) to the point of our solar eclipse last month which included a rough stellium between the Sun, the Moon, retrograde Mercury, Chiron, and the North Node. We may have moved on (it has been a whole month and we are about to experience a new moon at 18° Taurus), but the scars have barely scabbed over. Monday 5/6 may prove a rough day for many who had difficulty with the solar eclipse as it may echo those same repeating themes.

As a culture, we are taught to ignore our pains but Chiron calls for us to stand up and look at them in the eyes. To know them and where they come from. This isn't the easy path and it can require help (professional or otherwise). All aspects to Chiron support shadow work and healing of all kinds. With Mercury involved, you may want to talk it through or write it out.

This will still be in play for our New Moon at 18° Taurus on late Tuesday night (5/7) or early Wednesday morning (5/8) depending on your time zone. This lunar conjunction is in a strong sextile with Saturn in Pisces. Saturn can be a hard taskmaster, but that is necessary here - after a rough month, we are tasked with picking up the pieces and moving on. This is our first new moon since our eclipse cycle and our first chance to set intentions or to set things right. Taurus can be a very self-indulgent sign, so do your work and get yourself a little treat afterward for morale.

Small consistent steps are the name of the game all month long. Saturn can help us here. Things may feel hopeless (especially if you were rocked by eclipse season or Mercury retrograde) but Saturn reminds us that time changes all things. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, you might as well get going and do something about it.

After that, we sit for almost a full week without any non-lunar aspects. This is always a sign that we need to think about what we've done. This doesn't have to be a bad thing. Keep moving. If today is hard, wake up tomorrow and start all over again. Taurus has a lot of staying power, you just need to tap into it.

5/13 will be a big turning point in the energy of the month. Venus in Taurus will sextile Saturn (another chance to work, I guess?) and Mercury will finally exit their post-retrograde shadow. Additionally, our Sun will conjunct Uranus at 23° Taurus - this starts a major Taurus stellium between the Sun, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus that won't complete until Venus conjunctions Jupiter at 28° on 5/23.

Ten days to get some shit done, that's nothing to snaggle about. This energy will go from intense to more fruitful. I'd stay very aware and out of the fire on 5/13 (Uranus rules unexpected disasters) - don't handle explosives if you don't have to, physically or metaphorically. Uranian energy is uncontrollable at best, so step out of the way if you need to. But it does tend to encourage change and, with both the Sun and Jupiter involved, we can use this to our advantage.

On 5/15, Mercury finally enters Taurus after its ten-week tour of Aries. This was a really long time to experience our planet of communication in the fiery cardinal sign of the ram. It's been a rough go all around with seemingly everybody having opinions about things they know nothing about. May the know-it-alls fall back into the shadows where they belong. Mercury in Taurus can be a bit bullheaded, but, for the most part, will think before they speak which is a major win. Depending on how your April went, you might need to apologize for a few things you said or fights you picked. Own up now because Mercury will meet up in sextile with Saturn soon enough. (Saturn rules consequence and repercussions)

In fact, Mercury makes an immediate square with retrograde Pluto in Aquarius. Pluto, like Uranus (who is very much still in play in that major Taurus stellium), acts upon us as an otherworldly presence. We don't get to control how the planet of death and transformation shows up in our lives; the best we can do is adapt to these overarching inevitabilities. Neither Taurus nor Aquarius is particularly adaptable, so this may be a tough day - thankfully, Mercury transits pass quickly.

5/18 is our first benificent day of the month: our Sun is conjunct to Jupiter which brings great opportunities for luck and expansion (especially in the abundant, fertile sign of Taurus), Venus is conjunct to Uranus so chance is on the table, and Mars is conjunct to the North Node in Aries. If you need a change of pace, this is your day. If you are looking for luck, love, or money, this is also your day. I would work firstly with the Sun, then with Jupiter, and finally with Venus. Together this trifecta can pull in the power of otherworldly Uranus and our lunar nodes.

The seasons are beginning to shift again and we look to the late-spring mutable air sign Gemini. Our Sun in Taurus makes a quick and murky sextile to Neptune in Pisces on Sunday 5/19 before entering the sign of the twins on 5/20. Venus and Jupiter aren't far behind which is a major boon to anybody with a strong Gemini element in their charts. But first, our Sun meets up with retrograde Pluto once again, this time in trine rather than last month's square. The changes that need to be wrought this month are getting easier the further that we progress - Gemini, unlike Taurus, is open to bending in the ways needed to accommodate new things. That is, so long as they understand what they are bending for.

We've got a full moon for that! On Thursday, 5/23, Venus conjuncts Jupiter (so, so auspicious!) under the light of the full moon at 02° Sagittarius, the sign ruled by Jupiter. This is our second beneficent day of the month. Both Gemini and Sagittarius are inquisitive signs eager to learn and study. This is an auspicious day for all, but especially for scholars, students, artists, and writers. This is a great day to plan out your (artistic) year ahead, to apply to see your work published or in an art show, or simply to work with the magnanimous energy of Sagittarius to expand and grow. Set out some milk and cookies for Jupiter during this time (or maybe a good glass of scotch) and ask for some inspiration, it will be sure to follow. Later in the day, Venus enters Gemini.

On Saturday, 5/25, Jupiter joins Venus and the Sun in Gemini. Anytime our intermediate or outer planets change signs, the energy shifts substantially. We may find ourselves more interested in intellectual pursuits while Jupiter transits the airy sign of the twins, but we should be wary of Too Many Mind. Jupiter enbiggens everything it touches and Gemini is known for its chronic indecisiveness. Unlike some signs which can be too maudlin to see any options at all, Gemini's indecision comes from seeing too many choices and a desire to explore them all. You may need to take concrete steps to stay on track. (unless you enjoy rabbit holes, I'm not judging)

With Jupiter in Gemini, Gemini season will happen fast and you can see that reflected in Mercury's aspects. Mercury in Taurus makes a tougher aspect to Saturn in Pisces on 5/27 which is a reminder to keep a check on our thoughts during this airy season (always important) and then makes a major conjunction to Uranus at 24° Taurus. Uranus is the higher octave of Mercurial energy - where Mercury is thought, Uranus is pure inspiration, or, sometimes, madness. If you are prone to extreme flights of fancy or intense mania, this is a day to watch out for. If you need a good push to create or be bold, it can be used to your advantage.

Our last aspect for the month is a tough conjunction between Mars and Chiron at 22° Aries - this again is a reminder that when we are not paying attention to our actions, we can end up in some pretty rough places. Mars in Aries would rather run at full speed and is known for not looking where he is going. You might need to reign in some of your impulses as we get deeper into Gemini season, or else you end up sore muscled, and unable to move for a bit.

The Details

5/1 - Venus in Taurus square Pluto in Aquarius 5/2 - Pluto retrogrades 02° Aquarius 5/3 - Mars in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius 5/6 - Mercury conjunct Chiron 21° Aries 5/7 - New moon 18° Taurus (EDT, will be 5/8 for most of the US), Sun in Taurus sextile Saturn in Pisces 5/13 - Sun conjunct Uranus 23° Taurus, Mercury exits its post-retrograde shadow 27° Aries, Venus in Taurus sextile Saturn in Pisces 5/15 - Mercury enters Taurus 5/17 - Mercury in Taurus square retrograde Pluto in Aquarius 5/18 - Sun conjunct Jupiter 28° Taurus, Venus conjunct Uranus 23° Taurus, Mars conjunct North Node 13° Aries 5/19 - Sun in Taurus sextile Neptune in Pisces 5/20 - Sun enters Gemini 5/22 - Sun in Gemini trine retrograde Pluto in Aquarius 5/23 - Full Moon 02° Sagittarius, Venus conjunct Jupiter 29° Taurus, Venus and Jupiter in Taurus sextile Neptune in Pisces, Venus enters Gemini 5/25 - Jupiter enters Gemini 5/27 - Mercury in Taurus sextile Saturn in Pisces 5/29 - Mars conjunct Chiron 22° Aries 5/31 - Mercury conjunct Uranus 24° Taurus

Do you like my work? You can support me over at Kofi by tipping me, purchasing an astrology report, or signing up to be a monthly supporter of my work.

[dingodad]

hmmm ok i know i hyped that update up a lot in my head probably LOL and i am rly happy with the reveal we did get but i feel like a lot of the text surrounding the portal animation was... i dont wanna say superfluous. but hamfisted? like i know we managed to get a joke out of it but i can't say i'm not disappointed that the first two pages were pretty much just a re-explanation of what the plot point is for readers who i guess couldn't even be bothered going back to read one single update that came out right before the reboot. it's good to be reminded of important stuff especially if it was first revealed quite some time ago but sometimes a link to a previous conversation will suffice. yk.

and then the last couple of pages kind of play into an ongoing trend in the rebooted beyond canon where characters will allude to a problem with the story by having an out loud personal disagreement about it. kanaya and rose have their argument about yiffy, jake and jane have their argument about xenophobic fascism, and now calliope and roxy get to have an argument about. idk. it feels a lot like they did not really have anything to fight about. i know these kinds of conversations are meant to be cathartic and they're meant to service the fans and that can be a good thing and works really well in measured doses, but the moment it starts to become a noticeable pattern (and i think it had already started to become a noticeable pattern by the time jane and jake got their turn) its effectiveness wanes.

i realise we are very much in the setup stages still (and it looks like the setup is really ramping up to something now so it makes complete sense that the storytelling is getting denser and denser) but i think between the prologue and the reboot hs2 has been having kind of a hard time walking the fine tightrope between "setup that's so slow it doesn't even communicate that it's setting anything up" and "setup that's so dense it's hitting you over the head with the fact that it's setup". and i totally understand that is a DIFFICULT LINE TO WALK especially when you are dealing with the need to service the fans while also not being beholden to them, which is a struggle that is baked DEEP into the dna of beyond canon at this point. so i will be very interested to see how these trends change now that we are over the "event horizon" and really getting into things for real this time

[gayhenrycreel]

okay i filled out a google doc survey of aro experiences in the queer community and at the end i kinda went on a commie rant, so this is it copy pasted. (yes my mutuals, im aware as i reread this that this sounds like the blorbos 4.07 monologue)

i want people to know that no one should ever be in a relationship just because they want to be considered normal. alloros included. the relationship hierarchy hurts everyone.

hierarchy has always been the problem. its time that people start realising that we are all equals, and the idea of any particular thing being inherently better than another is the basis for amatonormativity, homophobia, racism, transphobia, misogyny, eugenics, and ultimately fascism. "superiority" does not exist.

even the natural world is negatively affected by human ideas of hierarchy. conservation efforts are for animals, occasionally plants, and never for fungi. fungi are barely even researched properly compared to other clades. how many fungi have gone extinct without anyone knowing, because no one cares?

this affects humans directly. penicillin comes from a fungus. hallucinigenic mushrooms can treat anxiety, depression, adhd, and even ptsd. lions mane contains biochemicals that prevent cell death, which means (and research is ongoing) it could slow aging, lead to longer lives, and quite significantly, prevent dementia.

those are just known fungi. imagine how many are out there that could save lives that are endangered and dying, but no one cares to save them because they are small and not very noticeable. theres an antioxidant thats exclusively found in fungi. that means it too could prevent cell damage, such as those that cause cancer.

if i were to get into human prejudice this would go on forever. hierarchy kills. it destroys entire species, cultures, lives. the solution to defeating amatonormativity is to remove hierarchy.

this would also solve infinite other problems. we could no longer have to work our asses off for the profit of billionares. we would use resources when we need them, not for some hypothetical world where they might be bought on mass. no one needs a billion iphones. the slaves who make them certainly dont.

things should be produced when they are actually in demand, not just so elon can get money he will never use. that money could go to education, science, sustainable energy, medicine, conservation, and literally billions of people who are starving because elon and bezos want to think about their sci fi fantasys that they do not allow to become reality by not bloody paying their slaves, as well as hoarding money that could be used by places that could legitimately get people to mars like nasa.

elon works closely with nasa, but nasa cant afford to pay their own scientists. many of nasas workers hate spacex. one even quit over it. there are so many people who could help humanity, who could invent cures for AIDS, vaccines for deadly diseases, better solar panels, solutions for space junk, more efficient farming, more nutritious native plants that people have harvested for centuries before colonizers decided nutrient poor cabbage is better than the vitamin rich indigenous vegetables.

like seriously, there are so many plants that indigenous societies have been eating for thousands of years that the world just doesn't know about anymore.

the wider queer community could do a lot for arospecs by taking off the hierarchy glasses. we all need to take off the hierarchy glasses. its killing the world.

[eywaseclipse]

What They Smell Like

Jake: 

back on Earth he grew accustomed to the many scents of ongoing pollution; so one of the ways to help cover up the pungent odors was with Axe body spray 

Now Na’vi he wears his natural musky scent, deeply earthy, like freshly fallen rain

He enjoys his bathing rituals on Pandora due to the rich minerals in the waters, doing wonders for the hair and skin 

He smells quite fresh usually, unless busy with Olo’eyktan duties so he freshens up

His kids have no problem teasing him to tell him he stinks (even though he doesn’t. They’re just being kids) 

Neytiri: 

she favors the floral scents, having been apprenticing under her mother for many years now she makes her own salves, tonics, body oils and perfumes 

mostly consisting of Kllpxiwll (lionberry) Paywll (an aloe like plant), and sometimes banana fruit from eating it

The scents she wears she writes down for kiri because of her interest in flora and fauna as well 

Neteyam: 

it’s no secret the eldest sully is well kept and put together physically, but he also takes great pride in his personal hygiene and care 

usually smelling like fresh white musk, and Tumpasuk (red-orange berry) he smells sweet and earthy 

learning to press oils together for his braids, he opts for the Tumpasuk as its potent serum helps to maintain a healthy scalp and shine 

he and Lo’ak have seen the lab guys use human hygiene products like shampoo, cologne and soap that he sometimes see Lo’ak use 

he was given some old cologne from norm that he took a liking to called “dolce& gabbana light blue” although he can’t pronounce it, it smells incredible 

Lo’ak: 

usually out in the forest causing trouble with spider, he’s adapted to more loose hygiene ways, until spider and him went to the lab to see all the human things that spider has to use when he goes back to the base at the end of the day

Lo’ak took a liking to one of the guys’ axe body spray but spider made him throw it out because “only douchebags wear that”

his fascination with sky people objects has him opting for more chemistry related smells  like old spice 

his way of smelling clean is now carrying old spice deodorant wherever he goes because he’s paranoid of stinking 

Tuk: 

Tuk absolutely adores her siblings and does her best to mimic them in many ways 

she has taken a liking to both the healing ways of her grandmother and some of the human products 

she loves the scientists who constantly give her packs of Hubba Bubba Bubblegum so she usually has a pack of it on her at all times 

she smells sweet like bubblegum from her endless supply, and the Healing Rose oil Neytiri made for her to put in her growing braids and to moisturize her skin 

Lo’ak has on occasion brought back a green apple scent 3 in 1 body wash she liked when they visited the lab too 

Kiri:

constantly exploring the forest and learning of the healing properties from her grandmother she has mastered the art of making her own shampoos, body exfoliants, balms, and cold pressed oils 

she spends much time in the grass, smelling fresh like rainfall and sweet like the flowers around her 

one of her favorite plants is the Lily Pad Tree, the leaves produce a sweet smelling flower she presses into oils and perfumes, along with the citrusy smell of the Pineapple Plant 

her favorite pastime is making shampoos and cold pressed oils for her friends and family as gifts 

Bonus! my oc Tani: 

it’s no secret the lifestyle of an aspiring hunter like herself is rigorous and action packed, but on her down time she thoroughly enjoys spending time with Kiri learning how to make the products from scratch like balms, salves and even body butters 

her favorite scent is a combination of Kllpxiwll (lionberry), musk, and the spicy smelling nectar from the Txumpaywll (Scorpion Thistle) although a deadly carnivorous plant, the nectar can be harvested and used for eating and making natural perfumes, pressed oils and more 

she takes pride in changing her braids every month, using handmade shampoos and oils to keep her hair and scalp healthy; usually using the Healing Rose oil Kiri and Neytiri make together for her

her favorite fruit is the banana fruit, which has a thick calcium rich skin that can be ground and mixed into a rich body butter one of her coveted  products 

felt like dropping this as a little treat:) as a thank you for following me and reading my work. all flora and fauna mentioned are real plants that are on avatar wiki. I have take some artistic licenses with their uses and such. but it's actually 95% canon.

[talenlee]

The Nemuranai System

Alright, in Oriental Adventures‘ expanded 3e books –

Wait wait wait don’t go, hang on.

Content Warning: This is going to discuss some books that are, very simply, quite Orientalist, in the classical Edward Said sense. Not nakedly racist in a slursy way, just racist in how it simplifies cultures in the names of telling a particular form of story. If you don’t wanna mess around with that, y’know, probably want to avoid it.

Anyway, there’s this system in the Rokugan books for handling gear. Specifically, the idea is that as a character in the Rokugan setting levels up and accumulates experience, rather than going to a magic store and picking up new swords and armours that are part of an ongoing escalation of gear in a marketplace that is constantly creating an increased demand, rather that player characters themselves, by dint of being powerful and cool and renowned, start to affect the gear they’ve been travelling with the whole time. The spirits of their equipment awaken and become powerful in response to the person who owns them being powerful.

This also is transitive – if someone powerful gives you their sword with its awakened spirits, it can be a powerful item thanks to them conferring it, but not as powerful as if they had it, or if you take something off someone that was powerful, it won’t work for you and will just be a sword. This association, this effective transformation of gear into a social improvement, where you have to convince spirits in the equipment that you’re worthy of how cool they are, is interesting in that it both serves as a way to disincentivize theft and looting, but also means that player characters are going to get equipment that’s explicitly coded to them as they level up and fitting the way they want to do things.

This system for the ‘spirits of the item’ was known as the Nemuranai system, based on the word ‘nemuranai’ which I think translates to ‘not sleeping.’ I don’t know if this is a full-blown hilarious translation mistake in an early guidebook way, but it might be and I’d leave it to someone who knows Japanese properly to ask.

The number of books that were put out for 3.5 really is hard to hold in the mind. In a time when ebooks were just starting as a market, in a time when we didn’t have the same obvious massive front-end surfaces like DriveThruRPG and its subordinate DM’s Guild. The OGL came along at just the right time, in the same vein as other Web 2.0 stalwarts, to be a thing that resulted in a lot of people creating a lot of material the whole time.

Like me!

Anyway, that meant that not only were you getting unique lines for D20 like Warcraft and BESM but we also saw the rise of D20-ified existing games, like D20 Rokugan. I’ve talked in the past about how great Rokugan was because its creators didn’t give a stuff about Wizard Supremacy (even if they didn’t appreciate the scale of the problem). The D20 Rokugan books included books about handling magical spells and items, in a setting that didn’t really have a lot of those things.

And make no mistake, I do not have any illusions about what real Samurai or real Asian adventures in the same vein as the Dungeons & Dragons ouvre are. This is not really about Actual Asian Adventures, this is about the vision of Samurai adventure media made and distributed and remembered and replicated in the west. There, people aren’t questing and finding ancient swords (which is ironic because of all sorts of things to do with palingenesis), but instead, it’s about inheriting old swords. Notably, nobody kills people and takes the sword off them unless they’re someone bad.

This is what Nemuranai was trying to address.

I really can’t underscore how important your equipment was to your character in 3rd edition. Gear was so important to how a character functioned that when you built a character higher than level 1, there was a table that showed the appropriate amount of magical gear you started with. There were functions of how a character works in 3rd edition, like your access to weaponry with an appropriate set of bonuses, your ability to absorb or escape damage, and even your ability to engage on multiple platforms. Around level 9, everyone flies, and if you don’t pick up a way to fly around that level, even for a little bit, you are going to be in trouble as encounters are sculpted assuming you can handle an enemy just flying away and pelting you with ranged attacks.

What’s more, gear is so important that if you level up manually, and follow the tables that generate treasure and gear — distinct categories, make no mistake! — then you wind up with a character whose budget is larger than these characters who were made at a higher level, because you were expected to lose some money through the course of operations by things like selling gear or consumables, like potions and wands and scrolls or stuff you crafted for yourself (oh hi, Wizard problems, why are you here)?

Looting is a big part of the game, in that there’s a big pile of tables for it, but it’s also a meaningless part of the game in that as long as the DM is doling out rewards appropriate to the table. What this meant in my experience was players constructing wish-lists, hoping for particular items, or the DM using that level-by-level budget to construct a chain of items to give to the players. It’s there, I did run the game using the loot tables sometimes, but it wasn’t an interesting tool to use and it relied heavily on preloading, adding an accountancy element to the interesting thing (designing meaningful combat encounters).

And then you throw this game into a different thematic space, where ostensibly, ‘people don’t loot.’ Which doesn’t break the game, because the looting and the loot tables aren’t… that… important. The gear is, but the way you get the gear, it turns out, isn’t.

Look, Dungeons & Dragons, in every edition, is a modular game system of exclusions. There’s a body of opinion about D&D that thinks the idea that players don’t have an exhaustive, comprehensive vision of the rules, is a sign of a problem in the game, which is completely unhinged. The nature of a class system is to make it so that there’s ways the game can sequester operations. Don’t have a Barbarian in the party? Then nobody needs to track Barbarians. You’re not using the encumbrance rules for anyone? Then nobody needs to worry about them. If you are using them, they interact across all people.

There’s a vision of how this is a sign that there’s something wrong, or broken in how D&D works, as opposed to literally structural to the entire design methodology. If a thing is not present in the game, its operations aren’t necessary, and therefore, any new thing can bring its own operations with it. Now this is a design approach that is volume-heavy. There’s a reason you can print a dozen monster books and still not really have a reasonably varied ecology for a real world scale, because every one of those monsters is a discrete module that lets you pull it in and out. There’s a reason that building real estate is in a bonus supplementary book and the core rule book has optional content like ‘the fighter.’

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[pagerunner-j]

The Long Road Home: the story so far

And now, a whole lotta fic links.

I might be cheating a bit with this post, seeing as the inception of this series predated any particular theme months, and the stories haven’t been written specifically to prompts. But since I’ve cranked out over 160,000 words of fic about these crazy kids since March (how? help), and I just completed a story arc with the installment I posted this past Tuesday, @tentoorosemonth2024 seems as good an excuse as any to share the lot of them. 

SO.

The series at large: The Long Road Home

Following the arrival of Rose and Tentoo in their new world, the development of their relationship with each other, and the adventures and dangers they start to face as a new family. The series was named after its first chapter, in large part because names are hard and I wasn’t expecting to keep going like this, but here we are. Begins mostly as a romance. The plot whacks me over the head soon thereafter. Includes, so far:

The Long Road Home (M, 24,500 words)

Rose and Tentoo, getting to understand each other, trust each other, and eventually love each other, on the way home from Bad Wolf Bay.

Featuring a long-overdue family road trip, deleted scenes turning into essential plot, existential crises, asides from Jackie Tyler, the wrong Beatles, inappropriate ways to answer room service, and your author shamelessly abusing the limits of touch telepathy.

Understandings and Ultimatums (M, 6,800 words)

An interlude following The Long Road Home, in which Rose and Tentoo, temporarily staying with Rose's parents, maybe start getting a little carried away with each other. And Pete's got a few words to say to the Doctor about it. Oops.

Featuring badly timed father-daughter check-ins, the Doctor continuing to come to terms with having a whole lot less a in his sexuality these days, a children's toy as a conversation starter, Rose getting alternately irritated and turned on by possessive men, and absolutely everybody complaining about London real estate.

At the Threshold (T, 8,500 words)

Rose and Tentoo find themselves facing a number of major life decisions. Some aren't quite yet decided upon...but some important ones are coming together at last.

Featuring the joys of house hunting, the tricky question of names, pointed motherly advice, Time Lord talents at work, gratuitous Shakespeare geekery, ongoing telepathy shenanigans, and life-changing phone calls happening at really inconvenient times.

Four Ceremonies (T, 21,800 words)

A home claimed, a seed planted, a commitment made, and promises spoken.

Rose and Tentoo on the road to marriage...and a few other, perhaps even more significant things.

Entanglements (M, 21,000 words)

Rose and the Doctor may have found a good life together, but that doesn't mean all their worries--or their past traumas--have gone away quite yet.

In which the emotional rent comes due, some painful stories are revealed, risky levels of intimacy are reached, a good number of unsettling memories and dreams unfold, and Rose finds her way to the solution for a tricky problem with their TARDIS...but that might come with a certain cost, too, and it might not only be hers to pay.

Featuring Rose, Tentoo, and...well, Ten, too.

Coming to Light (E, 6,500 words)

A Long Road Home interlude, in which Rose and Tentoo take that trip to Barcelona (the Pete's World version, anyway), discover the alien weirdness behind one of this city's strangest neighborhoods, and then, inspired by that day's escapades, make good on both the rating of the story and the verb choice in the title.

...hey, they're having a nice time on their holidays, who am I to argue.

The House Among the Briars (M, 22,300 words)

Go big or never go home.

In which Rose and Tentoo finally discover the secret of the house where they've been living, but get stranded in separate dimensions in the process. To find their way back to each other, they might have to confront parts of themselves that they might not want to have to accept. For the Doctor, it's the rage he's been warned about virtually ever since he first came to be. And for Rose, it might be something even more dangerous, and a whole lot stranger.

Because it might be time for a certain bad wolf to come back out to play...

The Wolves in the Woods (T, 48,300 words)

Rose and Tentoo have secrets. Torchwood has questions. Everything is about to come to a head one way or another, especially if the director of interdimensional research at Torchwood gets her way.

And Rose and the Doctor are going to have to figure out how to stop her, before she lays a claim on their growing TARDIS...or on the two of them themselves.