#its at 4 pm. every day. i enjoy it. i want to do it. its something i can do to actively reach a goal.

[mydarlingem]

ever since we met

guys we are SO BACK i bring gifts <3 didnt realize how much i would miss writing on here. currently working on rewriting old work and new stuff so i can get back to posting on a weekly basis. hope you have been well and enjoy!!

cw. sakusa kiyoomi eats pussy, what more could you need

wc. 1800

you met sakusa kiyoomi two years ago when he took over his father’s business. every monday and saturday at 4 pm, he knocked on the back door of your flower shop. big boxes filled with one the best flowers for you. it was also two years ago when you first opened the door for him that you realized you loved him. he was so sweet and kind, always taking time to ask about you and following up on events in your life. you figured he did this with everyone on his route. little did you know that your sweet kiyoomi did not ask questions about any of his other deliveries.

he was determined to get to know you, however long it took him. he knew the movies you saw, the terrible dates you went on, your favorite flowers and your least favorite customers. no detail was too small for him, because he did care about it all. he liked your passion for your work and your love for the people around you. ever since he knocked on that door monday at 4 pm two years ago he has loved you. he knows it crazy, and he can't rationalize it for the life of him but he knows it's the truth. he knows you probably don't reciprocate but god he can't help it.

“hey kiyoomi what did you bring for me today?” you say with a smiled as you prop open the door for him. the way you say his name makes him weak in the knees, he loves how comfortable you are around him. “besides my beautiful face, everything you had on your list and an extra case of snapdragons because i know you always run out by thursday.” he smiles at you and sets down the boxes. “you really are the best thank you” you say as you walk back over to the counter to continue cleaning roses. “how are you today my favorite florist?” he asks as he sets down the last three boxes in their designated spot. “busy and understaffed” you sigh. “glad to know things always stay the same around here” he smiles and hands you a clipboard for a signature.

he likes the way you sign your name, he can't explain it but it suits you. “you know you are the last delivery of the day, so is there anything i can do to help out?” he takes the clipboard back from you as you hold back from speaking for a moment. “i have so much to do are you sure?” you ask hoping it's not just pity. “i'm here for whatever you need” he says as he takes his hoodie off and sets his things down. you never realized how many tattoos he has, or how big his biceps were. maybe him staying was good for morale. “would mind cleaning some mums for me?” he nods and steps to the counter to start.

its quiet for a little, the silence isn't awkward though. you look over at him, he's so efficient. his hands are so perfect, how is he so perfect? his voice snaps you out of your trance. “how was that date you had last week?” he asks, not looking up from the flowers in his hands. “lets just say i won’t be seeing him again” you exhale softly, mentally pleading that the very attractive man across from you will not ask you to embarrass yourself further. kiyoomi laughs softly before speaking again, “i can't believe we have never hung out outside of work” he says as he continues to clean flowers. his heart was racing at this point, you made him so nervous he was hoping you couldn’t tell.

“i know it's so crazy! we have to do something soon” you say with a smile. “well what are you doing this weekend? there’s a new bar i want to check out and i’d love to take you.” “if i didn't know any better i would think you were asking me out on a date kiyoomi” you smile before looking up at him and making eye contact with him. “and what if i am?” he says still smiling, your cheeks were so hot, was he messing with you? “well i'd think you were joking” you say trying to control the tone of your voice. he sets his flowers down as he makes his way to the other side of the table where you stand with shaky hands.

“oh im dead serious pretty girl” he runs his hand along your jaw tilting your chin towards his face. he's smiling at you like you hung and the moon and stars just for him. hes so close all you can smell is his cologne, god did he always smell this good? you aren’t sure who leans in first but your lips touch and suddenly everything feels so right. hes holding your face in his hand but slowly becoming so desperate as he kisses you. the cold metal of his lip piercings feels so good against your lips. you can't seem to get enough of him and you wrap your arms around his neck. he taps your thighs as you wrap your legs around him, he gently sets you on the counter. he breaks away from the kiss breathless and rests his head against your shoulder “you're so perfect” he all but whimpers against the skin of your neck.

“i've wanted to kiss you for so long” you say as he kisses your neck, and you run your hands through his soft hair. he moans softly at the contact and lifts his head up to kiss you again. standing in between your thighs he wraps his hands around your waist, smiling into the kiss. he can't believe this moment is real, he can't believe he finally worked up the courage to to act on his feelings. the all too familiar jingle of the front door opening snaps the both of you out of your bliss. “fuck” you say as you hop off the counter, “hi ill be right there." you look back to kiyoomi “will you please stay i promise i'll be so quick”. he smiles “dont worry im not going anywhere sweetheart.” you smile and kiss him on the cheek before running off to the front.

this might be the happiest he’s ever been. you’re so soft and sweet and oh my god he loves how gentle you are with him. he loves the effect he has on you, in fact he may just never move from this spot in the hope that you kiss him like that again. “thank you have a great day” you chirp as your voice breaks him out of his trance. you appear into the doorway to the back of the door with a smile. “hi” you say as you make your way back over to him, “hi sweet girl” he wraps his arms around you again. “i close in about 30 minutes, will you come home with me?” you ask shocked by your own boldness. the way you are looking at him he thinks he might die. “god i'll be wherever you want me.” the effect you had on him was unreal. “let me drop off my truck and i'll be back in fifteen”, “be quick” you say as you twirl his hair with your fingers. have you always been this hot?

kiyoomi was convinced was losing his mind. he has never moved faster in his life. he doesn't even remember driving his motorcycle back to your shop. all he knew is that he was walking back into your shop with more determination than he's ever felt before. “hi handsome” you say as he drapes his body against yours. “almost done?” he asks as he kisses your cheek. “i have about fifteen minutes before i can go but i'm all done.” you turn to kiss him as he plays with the waistband of your jeans. the kiss is messy and hot, he felt weak in the knees. “i can think of a few things to pass the time” he says as he breaks away from the kiss.

you smile looking up at him, his face was flushed and you could help but be proud of the effect you had on him. “please let me eat you out” your jaw drops at his words. “here?” you ask and he grins “here” he says as he drops to his knees in front of you. you could finish from just looking at this beautiful large man on his knees in front of you. “god please” he's quick to unzip your pants and slide them down your legs. he places small kisses along your thighs as he moves to put your legs on his shoulders. he kisses you through your underwear and you whimper softly. sliding your underwear to the side he starts softly using his tongue, and puts a finger inside you as he continues.

you grip his hair and squeeze your thighs against his head as he quickened his pace. “harder” he whimpers into you and you squeeze harder. god his tongue piercing is incredible. you are getting close to finishing, and he can tell. he moans into you like this is pleasuring him just as much as it is you. “more kiyo” you moan out. he moves faster as he inserts another finger. the nickname could have made him cum in his pants. you are quickly approaching your high as you stutter out an “im close” he's moving faster than before, focused on you and only you. he's eating you out like a man starved, the cold metal of his piercing mixed with the warmth of his fingers had you seeing stars.

you moan his name as you finish and he cleans you up with his tongue. your legs were shaking as he stands up and licks the rest of you off of his slender fingers. “you're so incredible” you say as you wrap your arms around him and kiss him, the taste of you still on his tongue. “i've been dying to do that for two years” he says as he pulls away from you. “i love you kiyoomi” you say looking him in the eyes, "i've been dying to tell you that for two years" mustering the courage to confess everything to him. “god i love you” he says cupping your face in his hands as he kisses you again. “i love you i love you i love you” he says softly in between kisses. "ill spend forever making you feel it."

[hardly-an-escape]

Square: C3 - Clairvoyance

Title: "can you scare me up a little bit of love?"

Rating: G

Ship: Dream/Hob

Warnings: No archive warnings apply

Additional Tags: pre-relationship, Halloween, Hob Gadling's birthday

Summary: Before their friendship ever develops into something more, Dream attends a Halloween party at the New Inn and learns something new about Hob.

Link to AO3.

kind of shoehorning this in but heck it we ball!!! @dreamlingbingo

Monday, October 31, 2022

Calling all devils, demons, imps, sprites, and spectres to The New Inn for a HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR Monday October 31st 4:00-9:00 PM Snacks! Games! No cover and one free drink ticket per attendee! Come in costume or come as you are! It’ll be… A HELL OF A PARTY!!

Hob had had a soft spot for Halloween for years. Always loved a good scary story, he had, and nowadays? The creativity and pure talent people put into their costumes and their horror movie marathons? It beats the hell out of carving faces in turnips and decking yourself out in a flour sack. And he couldn’t deny that his hedonist heart loved the lack of inhibitions that went hand in hand with costumes, sweets, and a little bit of booze. He may have had six centuries’ worth of practice at enjoying life, but a little help never hurt.

So he’d papered his little neck of the woods with posters, stuck them on the bulletin boards around campus – even put an announcement up on the New Inn Instagram account one of his young bartenders had convinced him to start. It had all been up for a couple weeks, but on the day of Hob was still gratified to see how many people had turned up for his Halloween do.

No matter how old you got, it was still nice when people wanted to come to your parties.

He’d even told his stranger about it, when Dream (and yes, the name felt like its own kind of gift) had popped up unexpectedly one evening in late September. He hadn’t gotten around to printing the posters yet, but he was already full of plans for the hellishly-themed decorations. Dream had listened to his descriptions with a little smirk that Hob was beginning to categorize as “sarcastic but fond (?)” in his private lexicon of Dream’s expressions.

That is not what Hell is like, Dream had said matter-of-factly.

Oh, and I suppose you’d know? Hob had responded teasingly, and of course Dream had said nothing, just sat there with the same little smirk and a disconcertingly knowing look in his eyes.

You’re welcome to come, if you’d like! Hob had said, brightly. If Halloween parties are even a thing you do.

I have been known to attend parties, Dream had said. Albeit never one for Halloween.

Well… come by if you want to try one out! Hob had said. He’d wanted to say more. He’d wanted to say Please come and I want you to be there and I want every moment with you I can possibly scrape out of this long life. But he’d managed to avoid it.

It was Monday night, the Inn was full, the cider was flowing, and Hob was happy. The decorations had turned out rather nicely, he thought: lots of big black candles, a real skeleton in the corner courtesy of the biology department, a few red lightbulbs scattered about, and of course a good spooky playlist. Behind the bar, lifelike plastic models of giant cockroaches and trilobites were taped up on the mirror. In the low lighting he hoped they appeared to be scuttling.

Hob was quite pleased with his costume, as well. He’d gone with a classic vampire look – slicked back hair, black embroidered waistcoat, a big cloak (the real deal, his from the 1890s, thank you very much), and of course some ostentatious costume jewelry. He was back by the bar with some of his colleagues, most of whom were dressed as various superheroes, when the bell on the front door tinkled.

Hob looked up reflexively at the sound and almost swallowed his tongue. Dream was standing in the door and he looked… he looked…

He looked fantastic. And bloody terrifying.

His hair was even wilder than normal, as if he’d been standing in a wind tunnel, and his face looked somehow paler and more gaunt, if that were even possible. He was dressed in all black, as per usual, but – different. Almost alien. His leather tunic looked stiff and structured, like it was holding something at bay, with a high collar and long sleeves that reached almost to his knuckles. It came down to a point at Dream’s narrow hips, and from under the edge of the leather flowed a kind of two-tiered skirt that pooled on the floor and looked like it was moving on its own – although perhaps that was just a trick of the moody lighting.

Under his arm was some kind of… helmet, Hob supposed, was the only word. It, too, looked strange and alien – all rivets and leather and… was that a spinal column hanging down? Dream cradled it as though it was a precious thing, and also as though it might explode at any moment. The glassy eyes gleamed red.

Hob saw all this in the second it took for the door to swing closed behind Dream, who stood, poised, looking slightly unsure what to do next.

“Who’s that then, Robbie?” asked Lidia from the English department. “He’s got a wicked-looking costume. Friend of yours?” But her question was directed at Hob’s back as he wound his way through the crowd to Dream.

“You’re here! I didn’t think you’d actually come, to be honest,” Hob said with a tentative smile.

“I have recently been persuaded that it is wise for me to spend more time among the humans whom I serve,” said Dream. “This seemed like an appropriate opportunity.”

“I’m so glad.” The words slipped out before Hob could stop them.

There was a heartbeat’s worth of awkward silence.

“Right. Well. D’you want to come over and meet some of my colleagues? They’re a good lot.”

Dream inclined his head in a gesture of assent and Hob ushered him across the room, one hand hovering an inch or so over Dream’s shoulder blade.

“Er, how should I introduce you?” he asked quietly as they navigated the crowd. “Only I think ‘Dream’ might raise a few eyebrows. Dunno if that matters.”

“I am the Prince of Stories. The Ruler of Dreams and Nightmares,” said Dream, somehow enunciating every capital letter. “But your colleagues may call me Morpheus.”

“Righto,” said Hob as they rejoined the professorial circle. “Everyone, this is Morpheus. Morpheus, this is everyone. Lidia, Michael, Phil, Christo, What’s-His-Face, the French one… pause for jeers…” His colleagues obligingly jeered. “Now, who wants a drink?”

His hand descended the final half-inch to rest briefly on Dream’s shoulder. The Inn was full, the cider was flowing, and Hob was happy. His friend was there.

“So, how come we’ve never seen you around, Morpheus?” asked Lidia. “How do you know Robbie?”

“We met in a pub,” Dream said. “A long time ago. My sister introduced us.”

“Morpheus is maybe my oldest friend in the world,” said Hob. “Sometimes it feels like I’ve known him my whole life.”

“Then why’ve we never met him before?” pressed Lidia, the ever-inquisitive.

“My work keeps me exceptionally busy,” said Dream.

“Oh? What is it that you do?” asked Michael.

“Lord, who wants to talk about work?” exclaimed Hob. “It’s Halloween, for Christ’s sake. Go bob for apples or something, leave off.”

It was very strange, watching Dream of the Endless circulate through a normal human party. The fact that it was Halloween actually helped, reflected Hob; somehow, seeing Dream lean down to listen to tiny Professor Hathaway as she chattered about the Pre-Raphaelites was easier to swallow when said professor was wearing a witch hat and drinking punch out of a goblet. Dream wandering through the costumed crowd with his outlandish helmet under his arm and a cup in his hand made far more sense than Dream in normal clothes on a normal night in the pub ever could.

Hob watched him, and wondered idly what parties were like in Dream’s realm; he imagined them weirder, and far more grand, perhaps with dragons in the rafters and other fae beings waltzing through enormous ballrooms. Dream had mentioned, in passing, a throne room and a vast library, a castle which Hob’s imagination populated with fairy tale creatures, ogres and dryads and talking animals.

But it was hard to believe anything he could imagine would be better than this. All his favorite people – even his old stranger – in his cozy pub, on a special day.

Around 8:30 those who had to teach the next morning began to take their leave. Hob retrieved his big umbrella from behind the bar and escorted Professor Hathaway into her waiting taxi.

“That young Morpheus of yours showed quite an astonishing understanding of the work of John Everett Millais,” she said as they walked down the front path. “You must bring him round again, Robert. I have a few books he might be interested in borrowing.”

“He’s not my Morpheus, Professor,” said Hob. “And he’s not exactly young, he’s older than I am. But I’ll tell him you enjoyed his company.”

“Tch. He may not be yours, but I rather think you’re already his, aren’t you?” she said knowingly. Hob grimaced.

“Has anyone ever told you you’re far too insightful for your own good?” he asked extremely courteously as he handed her into the backseat and closed the car door. Professor Hathaway waved a birdlike hand cheerily through the window as the taxi pulled away.

Hob paused for a moment in the drizzling darkness. The light rain tapped on his umbrella and the warm light streamed out of the front windows of the New Inn. He shivered slightly and drew his cloak a little more tightly around his shoulders. The night was chill, and if it weren’t for the cars parked on the side of the street, Hob felt as though he might have been transported back in time. Professor Hathaway’s parting words rolled around inside his head like a snowball.

I rather think you’re already his, aren’t you?

How had she known – what clairvoyant spirit had possessed her? How had she seen, in just a few hours, what it had taken Hob decades (if not centuries) to admit to himself?

Because he was Dream’s. He was, and had been for a long time, and he’s pretty sure he hadn’t realized just how far gone he was until Dream had walked through the front door three months ago and Hob had released a breath he’d been holding for thirty-three years.

He shivered again. Time to go inside.

Hob got caught up in farewells to several more colleagues before he found Dream again, perched on a barstool and looking like a great black bird. His weird helmet rested on the corner of the bar.

“Well? What did you think of your first Halloween party?” he asked, sliding onto the stool next to him.

Dream paused before answering.

“I found it more illuminating than I expected,” he said. “The people here are… contented. Uninhibited, but not to an extreme. You have created a comfortable space here. I commend you.”

“Thank you,” said Hob, touched. “That means a lot, coming from you.”

“You are welcome,” said Dream. “However, I admit I am slightly confused about some of the costumes. Yours, for example. Are you… dressed up as me?”

He sounded almost uncertain, and Hob couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him.

“No, no. No fear, my friend, I’m just a regular old vampire. I suppose it was this that made you ask?” He touched the large red fake jewel that was nestled in the collar of his black shirt.

Dream nodded.

“Saw it in the shop while I was looking for plastic fangs,” Hob chuckled. “I can’t lie, it did remind me a bit of you. But then, after Dracula was published I spent a good few years thinking you might actually be a vampire as well. So it seemed fitting.”

“I see.”

Hob waved to Lidia and Christo as they ducked out the front door into the night, then turned back to Dream. “Listen,” he said, “there’s one more thing I want to do tonight, after all the punters clear out. Do you… would you mind sticking around? Just a bit longer?”

“I will, if you so desire.”

“Great!” said Hob. And if his voice was just a trifle too enthusiastic, well, that was between him and the skeleton behind the bar. “Give me half an hour to get last call sorted and we’ll go upstairs.”

Eventually they made their way upstairs together to Hob’s flat; Hob loose from cider and contentment and Dream as upright and straight-backed as ever. Hob kicked his shoes off and hung his cloak on the rack by the door.

“Can’t believe I used to dress like this all the time,” he muttered, loosening his cravat. “All these stiff bloody buttons.”

Dream was perusing the bookshelves, which was typically his first stop whenever he happened to be in the flat; Hob supposed the Prince of Stories must have a natural affinity for the written word in its infinite variety. Hob slipped into the kitchen and came out bearing a small cake with a little candle stuck in it, which he laid out on the coffee table.

“This is what I wanted to do,” he said, gesturing for Dream to sit and digging a lighter out of his pocket. Dream deposited himself gracefully on Hob’s couch and placed his eerie helmet on the cushion beside him. “It’s… ah, it’s my birthday, actually. My real birthday.”

“All Hallows’ Eve was the day of your birth?” asked Dream, intrigued.

“Well, I don’t know exactly,” said Hob, lighting the candle. “Calendar was a bit squiffy back then. But I know it was after the main harvest and sometime around Allhallowtide, because I remember hearing stories about the martyrs in church when I was just a lad and thinking how that was a bit of a downer, as far as birthday celebrations went.”

“In that case, I wish you a happy birthday,” Dream said. “And how old are you now? If it is not impolite to ask.”

“That’s the best part,” Hob said with a grin. “When I met you in the summer of 1389, I was about to turn 33. So in Anno Domini 2022, that makes me…”

“Six hundred and sixty six,” said Dream dryly.

“Yeah! The number of the Beast! That’s a milestone birthday if I ever heard of one. Especially now, when I know that apparently, Hell and the Devil are real.” He laughed quietly, staring into the candle for a moment. “You know, most of the people I knew growing up didn’t even make it to sixty. My father didn’t. Those blokes I was with in the White Horse when I met you – none of them did. Sometimes I wonder what they’d think of what the world has become. What they’d think of me, if they could see me now.”

There was a long moment of meditative silence, and then Hob blew the candle out.

“Are you not supposed to make a wish?” asked Dream, and Hob thought he must be imagining the teasing note in his voice.

“Do you know,” he said. “I can’t think of a single thing I would wish for that I don’t already have.”

“Is that so?”

Hob made a show of deep thought.

“Yeah,” he said finally. “It is. Now, do you want half this cake or should I eat the whole thing myself?”

read on AO3 >>>

fun fact, this is one of the very first fics I ever started in this fandom – over two years ago! it was originally inspired by this post by @littledreamling

[dawnoftime22]

Could you do Taylor Swift comforting the reader about like insecurities about their body or their like relationship or you could flip it around about the reader comforting Taylor idk love your writing and don’t feel any pressure at all for this!

I see right through me.

| T.S

Warnings: BIG TW; mentions and lots of talking of body insecurity / body dysmorphia, relationship insecurity / anxiety, talk of self hatred, crying. CW: mentions specifically of - hair, body hair, chin, hips, thighs, legs, stomach, nose. Roam at your own danger and take self care afterwards.

Small Other Warnings: Taylor helping R with braids, R hasn't gotten braids before, Taylor explaining how much she loves every part of R in detail

Summary: After a long day without Taylor, your mind runs heavily on all it could, having a cloud of anxiety looming over you. When Taylor notices, she reassures you softly.

Word Count: 6.8k

Category: fluff, comfort

A/N: mwah, please take care of yourselves<3 i love you all and big hugs to everyone

Request A/N: to whoever requested this, I'm so sorry this took so long and ended up being a long fic too, but I finished it eventually! I'm not good at choosing, so I decided I'll combine the insecurities, if thats okay with you! :] please know that I don't have much experience with body stuff, but I hope this puts some comfort into it and it was done well<3 thank you for your lovely request, and enjoy!

| Started on 26/08/2024, 8:23 PM |

| Finished on 03/11/2024, 4:58 PM |

Main Masterlist | T.S Masterlist

Requests are now OPEN!

read guidelines first please.

"The first step is to love yourself."

|——————————— ⸆⸉ ———————————|

The running water echoes itself across the tiled walls of the bathroom, mixed in with the humming of the water heater. You felt the warmth, cascading down your body.

It was a quiet, pitch black night. The day was starting to settle down, and you had just gotten back home a few minutes ago. The bathroom only had you, alone, washing away the exhaustion thats been eating away at your muscles.

You breathed in the warm steam off the running water, feeling the thickness of the air when you exhaled it out. The mirrors and glasses of the bathroom were all fogged up in the cause of the steam.

You could see every single droplet in front of your eyes, running down your skin in clear detail, just because you were close to it.

All the physical sensations were working, but you didn't feel anything in your heart. Even as you let the water splash down upon your face, you couldn't. The day had just tired you out, and really, your feet were just terribly sore. You wanted to collapse into a ball like a curled up cat and that was it.

As your gaze moves down, the strands of your wet hair falls down with the gravity, but your eyes were set on the curve of your thigh from the upper view, not to mention the aspect of your stomach. The water droplets followed the shape of your body parts.

You tilted your head back up, and almost instantly, you couldn't help but feel that odd uneasiness under your chin. Of course. Your hand instinctively goes to brush under your jaw, finding the feel of the extra skin.

It was hard to resist, spacing out instead of cleaning yourself-- You shifted on your legs as your focus went to the bathroom tiles, unable to tear your eyes away. Honestly, you weren't even thinking of anything. Your mind was blank.

After a few more minutes of relishing in the dead blackout of your mind, you decide to ignore it and not linger on your thoughts either. Your hand reaches out to the side of the shower, finding the shower gel to grab and lather down your body.

Its a sinking feeling. Like being trapped in quicksand, slowly, unless you had something to pull yourself out with or hold onto, which you didn't. At least, not unless you speak up about the ongoing war inside your mind.

You rinse off all the suds, then turn off the shower, watching the water collapse down gracefully until you reach for your towel, drying yourself off and covering your body.

The drainhole was loud, drinking up all the remaining water that was going down. Your legs took you off to the door, the handle going down easily as you pulled with your hand.

When you went out the bathroom, the cool air of the bedroom hit you like a million pins and needles with the shiver down your spine. You almost wanted to retreat back to the steamed off room.

Beside you, where the window was, there was a quiet pitter patter. It certainly wasn't the shower since you had turned it off, but rather, the rain outside.

A small, nearly non audible sigh leaves your lips, and you turn to face the bed, seeing Taylor holding her guitar. She was sitting at the edge with her book in her lap.

She wasn't playing. But you guessed it was because she was writing lyrics down upon her page. You bit your lip, but went to your side of your bed, where your clothes were folded and awaiting.

When the blonde notices your presence returning from the bathroom, she gently turns her head over her shoulder. Your heart skipped a beat, starting to change its once slow pattern, and you couldn't tell if it was from anxiety or love.

She gives you a small smile before respectfully looking away to her notebook, pen in between her fingers, since you still only had a towel wrapped around you.

You let out a quiet breath of relief, but look down at your clothes in a disappointed feel you couldn't put a reason to, feeling any confidence grow smaller.

Shaking your head at the thought, you reach out, starting to unravel your towel to put your clothes on.

The fabric felt too comfortable. Or just not right. There wasn't an in-between. But once you slipped on Taylor's hoodie, it felt warm and cozy, like a sweet hug that embraces you, even as she was sat at the other side, doing her songwriting. It was okay, and just fine. You didn't want to interrupt her, anyway.

After you were all done with your outfit for bed, you turn to grab a hairbrush off the desk, eyes moving to the mirror as you go to gently straighten your strands in a line.

The water from your damp hair was starting to collect too much on the brush, even dripping off to the floor or any other grounds it could find. So, you decide to dry off your hair a little more using your towel, pressing it against the strands so it won't damage the work you've already done. It was a tedious task.

Your shirt now had a small patch of dampness, and it bothered you at how it stuck to your skin, but you manage to put it aside for now, ending up getting close to getting your hair just right. But not quite there yet.

Just as you were on the last part, there were a few bit of obvious strands that just didn't want to go down in the right way. It would either turn out too volumized looking, or not curving in the right way.

You sigh, settling with the stubborn piece of hair. It was time for bed anyway, so maybe by morning, it would either flatten, or turn out worse.

Either path it went, you just couldn't help but stare into the glass reflection of yourself. Your eyes stayed locked on your hair, your brain begging to go further, but your heart urging for the opposite.

Still, you swallow the lump in your throat and eventually look at your entire image. You were dressed now. Of course, its not as bothersome as it was in the bathroom, but you started to zone out once more.

You let your eyes roam, let your brain judge so as it pleases, more so, you hadn't even noticed that your breathing deepened the longer you stared.

The skin of your clenched hands brushes against the cotton material of Taylor's hoodie you wore. As much as it was warm and cozy, you stared at it, possibly long enough to even sink the entirety of yourself, if you had the possibility to possess that kind of power.

But this was the real world, and its ruthless, and you hated it. Yet, right now, it didn't even matter, because what you were fighting was only your own mind.

In fact, you had thought so hard, gone so far, to the point that you really didn't even deserve to be Taylor's lover. To be wearing her hoodie. Because, who were you to? You didn't feel attractive. Certainly not gorgeous. You felt too delicate, but in the way that flesh is compared to bones, not beautiful vases compared to steel.

Your shoulders slowly fell to a small slump as your thoughts raced, going on with your past mistakes and actions, all the negatives, and none of the positives. Taylor was always there for you, and all you thought you could do was simply give her your problems to deal with.

But during all your loud thoughts, Taylor was realizing how long it was taking you to get into bed. Her head turns to look at you once more, but this time, she sees you standing in front of the mirror, fully dressed, yet unmoving.

With your hairbrush in hand, she simply thought that perhaps you had just zoned out, but still, she pauses her songwriting, just for you.

"Baby?" she starts out. It was quiet...gentle, just to catch your attention. But you were too out of the present to hear. After a few more seconds, she gently puts down her guitar, facing up on the bed, before she goes over to you.

You felt a pair of arms wrapping around your waist, your heart jumping out a beat for a small moment, but you barely moved, letting out a breath of relief at the familiar warmth.

"Hey," Taylor whispers, resting herself against you and nuzzling into the back of your neck. You could feel your body relax, but not your inner criticism.

"You've been standing here for a while," she continues, her thumb alone, gently moving to caress your clothed stomach. The touch was there, but your jaw clenches as your eyes trail down to her hands. You couldn't see it with your shirt, and especially not with the hoodie on, but with your memory back in the shower, combined with the mindset you had, you could feel it, even just a little.

Taylor sensed something was wrong, but your lack of a response added even more concern to her mind.

She leans back and tilts her head, moving to rest her chin on your shoulder. You can feel the weight of her head, and it was different to the heaviness on your shoulders from before. It was comforting.

"...Sweetheart?" she calls softly, this time, just below your ear. Her gaze moves on to the mirror to look at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed.

You soon get pulled back to reality when she lays a soft kiss, just behind your ear, making your eyes blink as you look at her. "Mm?" you hum, oblivious, nearly, that you were completely spaced out.

"Whats wrong?" she asks, her blue eyes finding yours in the reflection. Your gaze held a little fear, almost, recognizing that look of concern.

"Nothing..." the word murmured under your breath as you look down. It was an instinctive habit, to avoid even uttering a single thing about it.

Her concern grew, and her arms tighten around you. "Hey, don't..." a breath goes through her lips, and a gentle shake of her head goes by as she captures your gaze. "...don't do that."

"I'm...sorry, its just..." You moved your hands to cover your face. Your voice shrunk. It barely even pierced through the hum of the ceiling fan. Taylor bit her lip, her heart aching at the smallness you seemed to sound like.

"Baby..." she whispers, gently grasping your hips to turn you around. You could feel her hands, being so gentle, but the only thing you could focus on was something else, and you swallow.

"You can tell me anything..." she urged softly, finding your real eyes than just a reflection. Her hands stayed where they were, giving a gentle squeeze.

You took a breath in. "Its just this— stupid hair won't go down properly," you murmur, your hand going up to run through it, then try to flatten it, clearly fussing over it a little. The other problem you had earlier was swept away with a small excuse.

Taylor's eyes stayed on yours. She knew that wasn't the only reason, or the only thing your eye had trailed to focus on, but she sighs, and the corner of her lips ever so slightly raises, nonetheless.

"Let me help you, hm?" she offers, gently taking your hand down to rest at your side, her touch calming you. She then reaches for the brush in your other hand, starting to soothingly run it through your hair.

She had turned you back around and helps you style your hair to how it would usually look. She corrects the parting too so it wasn't zig-zagged, which was another thing you were struggling with.

She sends a small smile to you in the mirror, seeing the way you had less baby strands poking out, but even the ones she couldn't put down, made you look cute to her.

"Do you want a small braid?" she whispers, glancing at you with a hopeful look. You've seen it on her own hair many times, and you loved seeing how cute it looked, but still you look at her unsurely.

"I don't know..." you whisper slowly, your voice quiet as you answered. It was as if it was the only three words you knew thats not 'I love you'. You touch a small strand hair of yours. It was soft and less frizzy from the work of her brushing.

"I've never...done braids. And they look hard to do," you add. Taylor's expressions soften even more, if possible, and she gives you a small smile.

"Thats okay. I'll do just a small one, yeah?" She says softly, her other hand trailing down to your shoulder to let her thumb give a soothing touch.

The rain still pattered against the roof of the house, and the coldness of the room only increased, making a shiver go up your spine.

"There you go...all cozy for bed," she says, a smile raising onto her face as she lays a kiss to your neck. She then met your eyes in the mirror. Her expressions held adoration. But yours were questionable.

You stared at the reflection in front of you, and the more you stared, the more your mind grew louder. You touched the small braid she did, ever so gently. It was cute. But a sigh then comes from you.

"Its cute..." you say, yet it almost sounded like you had some missing words. She notices it, and your heart was racing as you looked at her. Of course, she knows the small doubt in your voice wasn't directed to her in any way, but rather, towards the way your mindset currently was. Her blue eyes searches your face, analyzing, trying to find even just a single sign of what she was thinking.

"Baby." She leans in closer. Her voice was quiet and soft, careful almost. You could feel her arms going to gently wrap around you, and she goes to nuzzle into your neck. The touch and warm embrace was comforting. It even made the freezing feeling fade.

The blonde takes in a gentle breath, then rested her chin on your shoulder once more. "Tell me..." she starts, eyes searching yours deftly.

"...Is something bothering you?" she whispers. You stiffened a little, knowing you can't really avoid it anymore, especially when you've already used an excuse to lead her off it.

"Its...you wouldn't..." You sighed, letting your teeth sank into your lower lips, which was where the skin was already battered from your past nibbling in the day.

She chooses to wait. To not push to the fear that you'd get overwhelmed, but upon the seconds that goes by, the two of you knew that you couldn't get your words out. They had gotten stuck in your throat like a careless curse.

Taylor then leans in closer, her eyes meeting yours in the mirror softly. "If you're saying I'll judge, baby, I won't." She whispers, her voice soft. But your heart ran even higher in anxiety.

You shook your head quickly at her suspicion. "No, I...of course not...you could never do that..." You whispered. The last few words of your sentence was instinctive. You didn't want her to worry, and especially not about herself when only your mind was at fault. She doesn't ask questions unless she needs to picklock your heart out of isolation. She doesn't push and overwhelm you, she just waits patiently.

You were brought back to reality when you felt her hand cupping your cheek. Taylor had taken some steps to be in front of you, wanting your full attention on her and to show that you have all of hers.

"Its just, this..." You couldn't say it. Your hand gestured slightly before you took a breath in, gathering your next words. The pounding against your ribcage was your heart, and it wasn't out of love— Especially not self love.

"I...hate myself..." the sentence was breathed out, the smallest bit of tears welling at the corner of your eyes, to which you quickly wiped away without a second sparing, as if a rule would be broken if you hadn't.

"Oh, baby..." Her shoulders go down slightly at your statement. After the anticipation of what was truly going on, now it was obvious. She had thought of your mind, what you might think of yourself, and how you always challenge if you could ever be put in the 'good person' range. You had a tiring day after all, so she could have easily thought you had done a 'mistake' you were lingering on. But when she looks into the mirror to meet your gaze, she sees the other fears in your eyes.

She's seen it before. Known it all too much. Its the same look shes had for herself before, and her heart was starting to crack at the thought of you going through the same.

You bit your lip, your teeth going deeper. You were finally breaking down, but in another way. "I...hate this body, I hate how...how much hair I have and...why—“

"Shh, shhh..." Taylor gently stops you, her hand going to brush against your cheek, then taking your own hand to bring you to the bed, sitting you down at the edge.

"I'm sorry," you whisper shakily, your voice watery. Taylor's face softens, and she closes your one hand she was holding with two of her own, giving you a forehead kiss.

Taylor could feel her heart stuck in her throat when you apologized, and she leans back, giving you a shake of her head. "Please...don't say sorry."

She cups your face, and she crouches down slightly. "Baby, you are...so...so beautiful," she starts, slowly and quietly, her tone careful, and her gaze holding softness.

"You don't ever need to apologize for your thoughts. No--...No matter how much your mind tries to be mean towards you." Taylor keeps her eyes on yours, searching its every part, from pupil to iris.

"Listen to me," she whispers. You swallowed the lump in your throat, giving a nod, but it was out of habit, not even missing a milisecond after the sentence that passed by her lips.

She repeats it again, making sure you're not lost on her. "I want you...to listen to me closely." Her eyebrows raise a little, hands going down to hold both of yours now. You could feel the warmth coming from hers, and it keeps your focus solely on her.

She takes a deep breath, preparing to dive into everything she could think of. "...I. Love. Every. Part of you," she says out loud, enunciating each of her words and giving your hand a squeeze. Your heart was already going emotional at the sentence, but you keep listening on intently.

She looks down at your intertwined hands, then gently undo your tangled fingers, resting it on your lap, palm up. "I love your hands. Okay? whether your fingers are small or long or bent, or-- Veiny?...I don't know. Even that small patch of hair, I love," she whispers sincerely, a small laugh escaping her.

She traces your fingers gently, eyes changing from adoring them, to going up to meet your eyes. Even the lines of your palm were traced until her hands slowly trail up to your arms.

"And your arms...you know why I love them...?" she questions softly, offering you an open answer, but you gently shook your head, and it only made her heart ache, but she continues. You were nearly confused, but you let her talk. Let her reassure you.

"Because these arms hold me. They hug me, they keep me warm. Your hands hold mine, and fits so perfectly...baby, gosh, even when you're creative with your art or anything, you do the most amazing things," she whispers softly, her hand caressing up and down soothingly.

She then moves down further, making sure to get every inch that you were ever insecure about, and where she noted in her head to put extra love and care to.

Her hands finally stop to the side of your waist. She looks up at you, making sure you were okay first before she lays a soft kiss right beside where her hands are, even if she's kissing the hem of your pants. "...Your hips are perfect just the way they are. I can always pull you closer, and I always think you look adorable when you walk, or when you run up to me whenever I get back home."

You took a deep inhale in, processing her words, trying to keep up with it all, even though she was going slow, right in pace for you. Or, actually, you were also trying to hold back the oncoming tears that were starting to tease the dam of your eyelids.

She smiles softly up at you. Oh, with her sweet smile. "I don't care if they're thick, or thin, or whatever the 'perfect size' should be...but you do things with them," she says, a slight sternness evident in her voice, but softness combined with it.

Her hand gently traces the hem of your shirt, keeping her gaze on yours and giving you enough time to pull away if needed.

When you didn't, she let her hands slowly go under your shirt, going to caress your belly. "This little stomach is cute. And its my favorite pillow, whether flat or more." She then leans in and lifts it just enough, to lay a soft kiss there, too.

"Every body part you have, has a use. Your legs hold your own body with all the strength they have and your heart beats for you. Thats beautiful," she states, holding no hesitance or doubt. You stared down at her, unable to form your words, almost.

"But I..." you start, about to protest, even if you knew it was wrong, but she had shushed you ever so gently, and your lips were turning down even more as you get hit by another loving arrow of hers.

Her hand slips back out from your shirt, going to your thighs, but staying above the fabric. "These...thighs...are perfect." She keeps her eyes locked on yours, her lips moving slowly. She gives a gentle reassuring squeeze to them, smiling up at you.

"And you know what? More space for me to grab onto when we're..." she trails off with that playful glint in her eyes. You gasp, while her hand gestures to a small pointless spin in the air before resting back on your leg.

"Baby!" You couldn't help the small giggle that escapes you when you gently land your hand on her shoulder, but too soft to be counted as a slap.

She giggles softly herself, unable to have not included at least the smallest joke so she could cheer you up, and see the blush raising on your cheeks.

You bit your lip. Taylor's giggle had soon faded down, but she still looks at you adoringly. "...What else?" you whisper, your heart craving for more than you'd like to admit, and because your mind still had slme demons she was determined to fight with care.

Still, her eyes almost brighten further at your willingness to hear her praises and her confessions of love to each one of your body parts.

She stands up and gazes, already having the one obvious thing your features had right in her mind. "Well, just look at that smile..." She says under her breath, hand reaching up to caress your cheek with the back of her index finger.

She sighs softly in contentment. "I love the way you look when you smile at me, or anything, because I can tell when you're happy."

Your eyes were shining with happiness, a small chuckle escaped in your breath. She smiles back at you, with just the same amount of love, if not more.

"Your lips are soft and kissable, and the same goes with your cheeks," she murmurs softly, leaning in to first tenderly kiss both your cheeks before she finally goes to plant one affectionate one upon your lips.

You melted into it, feeling her pair of soft lips, everything that you've ever dreamed of to feel. Sure, you've had it many times, but no matter how many, your heart still swoons dreamily.

She then slowly leans back, parting from the kiss, her eyes opening just slightly at first. She looks into your irisises, then her thumb goes to trace your lips, her blue eyes following.

"I wish you would stop tearing them..." she murmurs softly with a breath. You could feel the pad of her thumb against your lips, and she could feel the bump and dive of the injured skin.

"I can't help it," you mumble softly, your shoulders falling down slightly to a small slump. Taylor knew you had your anxieties and worries-- it was a coping habit you couldn't avoid even when you try.

Her expressions soften, a small smile raising on her lips. "And thats okay. I still love you, but baby, fidget with something, don't chew..." she whispers, leaning in to give it another small kiss before returning back.

"I'll try..." you whispered back, genuinely, and she could hear it for once. She gives you a soft reassuring smile before looking back to your face.

She sits in the silence for just a moment, relishing and letting you take a short breath. "Do you want me to continue?" she asks softly, searching your features. You give her a gentle nod.

"Okay...but first, cuddles, baby," she whispers softly, gently slipping her hand back into yours so she could guide you to go further on the bed, sitting at the pillows. Her legs were unmistakably starting to ache from standing all those minutes, but she gets more comfortable with you now.

The blonde sits back, watching as you settle close to her, snuggling in. She puts an arm around you, pulling you even closer with a sweet smile. You were all cuddled up.

She takes a deep breath in to then release first, almost as if she was preparing for a speech, or confession, but she runs her free hand off to your hair, playing mindlessly with the strands.

You adjusted yourself a little, shifting and tilting your head up a bit in a small movement. To others, it could seem normal, getting comfortable, or to keep their gaze on their lover, but you were already face to face with her. She knew. So, she gently looks at you, seeing the way you rested your hand just under your chin, covering up.

Taylor leans her head down a little, her hand that was in your hair, going to gently move your hand. "...Sweetheart...you know, when you smile, or do anything normal, I don't even notice anything abnormal about your chin. Even if I do, it adds to your charm," she whispers, tackling the fear. You look up at her, nearly wondering how she saw it, without you even saying anything, but you let out a shaky breath.

"But its so obvious sometimes...its...my double chin is horrid." you whisper softly, vulnerability shining through. She shakes her head gently towards your words.

"Have you ever looked at me, and focused badly specifically on that part...? Or just badly for your own?" she questions softly, her thumb gently rubbing against your cheek.

You stare at her for a moment, thinking about it. Its true. You hadn't done the same thing to anyone else, at least not as bad as the way you judged yourself for it.

But you stay quiet, at most, snuggling closer to her and burrowing your face into her chest, arm going around her.

She understood you needed the comfort, finding solace in her embrace. So, her arm tightens around you and she leans down to nuzzle into your hair. She leaves a kiss along with it, too.

You took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling it out. She could feel the raise of air and its escape out your lungs as you stay in her embrace.

You could feel the hesitation that was starting to build up in Taylor's mind. You knew it, with how heart was slow at first, but starting to up its speed the longer she thought about her decision.

"I'm not finished, you know..." she whispers softly near your ear. You could just barely see a glimpse of her sheepish smile in the corner of your vision.

A small smile raises on your face and a giggle shakes against your ribcage, traveling over to hers. "Oh, gosh..." you breathe out, but then relax. You knew Taylor had her worries too, waiting for an opening for her to go. "You can...continue, baby..." you whisper softly, encouraging her to talk again.

She lets out a breath of relief, her arms tightening around you. Then, she leans back, moving back your hair from your face slightly. You never liked it when people did that. But it was bedtime, and Taylor always made you comfortable when she did it. Just for her to see all of your face.

She smiles softly. "...I love your eyes...and the way they admire me," she starts slowly, once again, leaning closer, almost teasingly and playfully looking with her own eyes.

You nearly entered a staring contest. But you smiled, blinking before it could even initiate, and she giggles. She didn't know why. Maybe because she was expecting a staring contest, or due to her own playfulness, but she didn't need a reason to laugh, anyway.

"The way they crinkle every time you smile is so cute," she whispers under her breath, complimenting softly without a single doubt in any space of her wording.

Your curiosity sparks further, eyebrows raising slightly in expectancy of what was next in line. Her heart melted at your gaze, seeing the small excitement you had like you were a child.

"And I love how your eyebrows show every expression I could ever decipher and...and just look at, whether angry or sad...or happy, and god, so in love with me," she says, nearly rambling on. You giggle softly, noticing how she raised and clenched her hands slightly; as if trying to stop herself from squeezing you from cuteness overload.

She took a deep breath in, releasing out of contentment. She gets herself together, then continued. "...That nose," she whispers, her eyes set on it.

"I can boop it all the time, and its adorable," she murmurs, her hand indeed going up to boop with her finger. You scrunch your nose, your lips curling up into a wide smile. "Especially when you...that!" she points to it, her heart full of joy as she definitely meant your scrunched nose.

You laughed, feeling her leaning down to nuzzle ever so gently against your nose, sharing a sweet eskimo kiss. You could feel the softness of it and the sweet gesture it was.

Her finger traces each part of your face, going along your jaw too, her touch feather light, but making itself known.

"Its normal, baby. Having different things to everybody else...its what makes you, you," she states, leaning back to let you look at her properly, and her arms returning to embrace you.

A small sympathetic smile raises on her lips. "When you don't think you're...gorgeous, beautiful, or...anything otherwise of what you would think when you look at the sunset..." she whispers, trailing off and pausing. But you wait. You keep your eyes on her and don't falter by zoning off to the wall or elsewhere just for once.

"Just, please, remember that this brain of yours"-- she gently taps at the side of your head, then looked back to your eyes. --"isn't truthful to how others could see you," she whispered truthfully.

"And I think so many people can look at you and say you are...breathtakingly gorgeous," she admitted, her smile growing wider. You sniffled slightly, feeling the prickle of your eyes.

"Me, for example. And I'll tell you it every day, with how much I love you. I don't care, whether you're tired from work, or during bedtime like this, or during messy haired mornings and cozy hang outs..." she continued, wanting you to know, to remember, and take note of this moment, that she would always be here to love you and care for you through it all.

"I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your eyebrows and your face. I love your legs. I love your cute tummy. I love your hips...and I love your body." You finally end up breaking entirely at that, your heart caving in to the feelings its been holding back the entire time.

A small soft sob escapes your lips, unwillingly, but quiet. Taylor cradles the back of your head and pulls you in closer, closing her eyes. "Shh...its okay..."

Her thumb soothingly moved against your hair, and she nuzzles into it once more, letting you cry softly, soak her skin and shirt in however many tears you needed to release.

Even her legs come into contact, gently moving to wrap around yours, her foot caressing against yours reassuringly. It was comforting, having both soothing moments on your upper body and lower.

"It does worry me; how much you can't see yourself like I do in my eyes...but I know you're trying your best, and I...I hope that every time you can't handle your own thoughts or can't turn it around to the positive ones, you can talk to me," she whispers softly near your ear, her voice barely even going through the air.

"Okay? Tell me something when it happens," she added, leaning back, making sure you look into her eyes, seeing the way yours were watery, and your cheeks were covered in the sheen of your tears.

She smiles emotionally, her own expressions affected by yours. "Anything, and I'll jump to love you."

Your breath hitches from the crying, but you nod. "Thank you...Tay," you whispered back, but your voice broke in the middle of it. She only leans back, giving you a soft kiss, even if she could taste the saltiness of your tears. It only added to the moment.

"I...I didn't wanna...burden you, or anything," you whispered shakily, sniffling back into her chest. That sentence caught the rest of her mind's attention, and she looks down further at you, her eyebrows furrowing.

That was on another topic. Her expressions turn even more concerned, knowing how much anxiety your head can hold, but the way it was being loud in combination with your thoughts of yourself made her heart break.

"Baby," she whispers softly.

Your heart skips a beat, but you ever slightly peek out her chest, still crying a little, but subsiding.

You could see the concern etched on her face, the small frown on her lips. "You could never do that. Not with me, ever..." she gently shook her head.

"Its just..." you took a shaky breath in, then bit your lower lip, holding back the tears before it comes down once again as fast as the water in the shower was earlier.

"I-I'm sorry...this is just...another thing to bother you with," you whispered, your hand tightening on her shirt. Her face softens now, searching your expressions.

"No. No, you don't bother me, and especially not right now..." she says, her voice firm, but gentle.

Your lip trembles, and your eyes don't meet hers. "I worry." The words were let out in your breath. If her heart was glass, she was sure the cracks could be heard. It was time for your self worth and other anxieties to show through, but she wanted you to talk to her about it.

"About...?" she asks gently, setting you to explain slowly, but not wanting you to back away from the discussion.

You let out a breath through your already parted lips. "What if you get tired of me?" you whispered out, your body nearly shrinking against her and the bed in a small retreat of regret at your own words.

She breathes out a soft gentle sigh, and the quietness that came afterwards only tugged at your heart even more, made your mind reel in all the bad thoughts further.

She was actually simply gathering her thoughts. But before she could even utter a word, you speak up once more. "I...what if the next morning I wake up, you're gone?"

She swallows the lump in her throat, and let her own tears escape now, easily going down her cheeks. You hated making her cry. "Baby..." she whispers.

She shook her head insistently, then cupped your cheeks gently to make sure you look at her. "Baby, I would never leave you. And I wouldn't get tired of you up to that point. Ever."

"Please don't be so hard on yourself, sweetheart," she says, stifling a small sob, but then hugs you even closer, tighter.

"I'm sorry..." you manage to say, realizing you had probably turned the reassuring moment into a mess of crying and emotions just because of your head.

"No, no, shhh...its okay...I'm worried about you. Don't blame yourself, baby," she murmurs, giving a kiss to your head, sniffling.

"I'm just--...letting out my own emotions..." her own voice was shaky, and she even let a small chuckle escape her sentence. Your hearts were sharing their emotions. You felt guilty, but then you felt the way she took a deep breath.

She leans down a little, too, her thumb wiping away your tears as she gives a gentle nod, encouraging you to follow the breathing.

You were nearly crying even more, just because you couldn't believe the care she had, the love. But you followed. You followed until you both calmed down. A deep breath in with the nose, feeling your lungs fill with air, then out through your lips, the cool air leaving.

She rests her forehead against yours, the small tear droplets on your noses having ended up mixed together.

But still, she continues. "Everyone in this world deserves some type of love. Small or big. Especially you," she said, looking deeply into your eyes, her breaths still hitching here and there, and her voice trembled, but she managed.

"And you," you whisper back. She breathes a single laugh through her nose, smiling at your added words, but nod.

"I think...you are the most sweetest person ever. Okay? All of those 'faults'? 'Mistakes'? Just throw them out the window, baby," she whispers, going a little more lighthearted.

The blonde leans in even closer, aiming to lay a kiss to your forehead. "You need to love yourself..." she murmured against your skin, and then leaving a kiss to your eyebrow.

"Its just, I've done so many things, and I don't understand...h-how you can love me sometimes," you whispered softly, and she wills herself to say her next words, giving a kiss to the edge of your eyes.

"Because I just love you for who you are despite what you think are your faults, and I think you should do that for yourself too," she whispers, her voice sincere in all the right ways.

"All your 'bad things you've done' doesn't...justify that you're a bad person completely." She then lays a kiss to the bridge of your nose and the tip of it.

She sniffles, taking a small breath. "...and it certainly doesn't outweigh all the good things you've done." A kiss to then, your cheeks, and finally...your lips.

The last of your tears escape, and you return the kiss back to her with just as much affection and love.

She sighs contentedly, staying in it for a moment more, pouring her love before she gently broke the kiss, leaning back. "Lets get some rest in now, okay?" she whispers.

You nod gently, moving to wipe away your tears, your hand getting covered by it, but then you also wipe away hers, making her smile softly.

"I'll be right here," she reassures softly. Her hands go to pull up the covers to warm your bodies up before she returns back to a comfortable position.

"I love you," you whispered softly, not breaking your gaze from her. She could see the love in your eyes, and all the parts of her heart that had broken from your worries earlier were being picked up already.

"I love you, too..." she replies back, just as softly, nuzzling into you again.

You let out a breath of relief, and buried your face into the crook of her neck, feeling the fuzzy comforting feeling. "G'night..."

She lets her own breath escape, cuddling more against you. "Night..."

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[signedeclipse]

Signed with Love - Hashira

What is this? - A valentines gift to my lovely fem!readers! Its valentines/love letters cards from your favourites <3

Characters - Giyuu | Gyomei | Kyojuro | Mitsuri | Muichiro | Obanai | Sanemi | Shinobu | Uzui

Series Parts Kamaboko Squad - HERE Upper Moons - HERE

Giyuu

To my dearest, Please be my valentine. I'm sorry for not asking sooner or in person, but I just find it easier asking here. You never know who might be listening. I'd rather not do anything too extravagent, but you can come over whenever you want on the fourteenth and I'll have the day off to do whatever you'd like. Love you. Tomioka

Gyomei

Darling, You know I love you more than anything else in this universe, so won't you be my valentine? I promise to take great care of you, and while I don't like the idea of you wanding alone I would be happy to take you hiking so you can finally enjoy the mountains I grew up in. Dress warm, Yours, Gyomei

Kyojuro

Good evening, sparks! I am so happy knowing that once again I am lucky enough to call you my valentine! I'm sure every man envies that Ive stolen you away, haha! You've been speaking plenty of that theater show, so I got us tickets to go and see it! I do not know much of theater, but I would be delighted to see what it's all about. You've always ignited my passions, From your favourite hashira!

Mitsuri

Hey cutie!! You know this is my favourite holiday in the whole entire world! I am so happy that this is my first year actually haveing a valentine, so I want to go all out! How about we go to a buffet we have never been to before and after we can do some shopping! Maybe some matching pyjamas? How does that sound? Please reply ASAP! I am so excited, Your lover girl <3

Muichiro

Dear [Y/N]-chan, Something important is coming up, and you are special to me. If I'm being honest, I don't remember what its called, so I'll just ask you to be mine. I know you've always wanted to go, so I am going to be taking you to the swordsmith village to enjoy the pools. Just don't freak out if you wake up blindfolded. You can trust me, From... me.

Obanai

Dear Serpentine, I do not typically fancy holidays, but on this special occassion I want to celebrate you, especially since I know I'll have the day off- assuming nothing arises. Perhaps its about time we get you your own snake, I am sure Kuburamaru would appreciate a friend, and then you won't be sad when we are both gone on missions. Figure out which breed you want, and I'll find one. Obanai + Kuburamaru

Sanemi

Yo, babe. Since I actually have a valentine this year, I figured its special enough to do something fancy. I'm going to take you out to Tokyo city for a nice dinner, but keep is discreet. I don't need anyone else tagging along. You can dress however the hell you want, but the less the better. Can't wait to see you, The better Shinazugawa

Shinobu

Greetings, Love! I was so busy planning to ask you I hadn't realized you were already off on your mission! So i'll do it this way so their isn't too little time to prepare. For valentines, would you like to come with me to the city? I have a few things I need to pick up, but I know you grew up near it and I would love to have a taste of your home. Whatever you'd like to do, Shinobu Kocho of the Butterfly Estate

Uzui

To our treasured girl, Normally I don't do this kind of thing, but with a new adition to our marriage we all agree it's about time to do something special! I'm going to be treating you and the girls to a dinner on valentines, but the girls thought you could all spend the day before together for 'galentines'. Be ready by 4:00 pm tomorrow and they'll grab ya. Don't have too much fun without me, Tengen, 𝐻𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓉𝓈𝓊𝓇𝓊, ᗰᗩKIO, 𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚊

Authors Note - Way past valentines but I still wanted to put it out there since I started it! I wont be doing lower moons sadly because I want to get to all my requestst again, but I hope you all enjoyed the event!

Disclaimer - All characters within have been aged up to at least 18 or older, and have been altered to reflect such change as needed.

[spideesenses]

Half a Heart → Miguel O’Hara

pairing: miguel x gn!reader

warnings: angsty

prompt: miguel has a difficult time balancing out work and his personal life; you have received the short end of the stick countless of times.

Midnight rolled around & the empty spot next to you remains cold. Your heavy heart aches. You tried not to cry, but once that pinch in your chest comes to light, you can’t help the knot that gets stuck in your throat.

This was the 12th time this month that Miguel had left you hanging without any form of communication. 12th time the two of you had planned for a date & him not show up. You understood that he ran a business, you weren’t entirely sure what the business was, only that you would be safer if you didn’t know & to trust Miguel. Him not showing up was only a portion of the issue… the other part was him not communicating. Would you still be a little disappointed if he did communicate? Yes, of course, anyone would be if plans fell through last minute. But you wouldn’t have to hold onto this sliver of hope that just maybe… he’d make it this time.

You started thinking about how he hardly texted you as it was. You weren’t exactly the clingy type. You could be at times, but as a full-time worker, you understood that obligations come up. To make sure you weren’t crazy, you pulled out your phone. You scrolled, making note of the conversations that you had & all of them, were conversations that you initiated.

Two weeks ago

You — 6:56 AM good morning love, i hope you have a great day today. i miss you so much. i’m off at 5 today. any chance we can order takeout and have a movie night?💕

Miggy Smalls — 7:12 AM Buenos dias mi vida. I should be good for a date night, only I’ll be home at around 9 the latest. That okay with you? Be safe, i miss you xo💋

You — 7:15 AM sounds good. should i order from that thai place up the street?

You — 5:20 PM miguel?

You — 6:01 PM i ordered your favorite. should be here in 2 hours and a half. let me know when you’re on the way home. stay safe

You — 8:10 PM oh! i saw this and it reminded me of you. thought you might have a laugh [attachment]

You — 9:32 PM hey, you on the way? im throwing your food in the microwave so it’s warm when you get here!

You — 11:24 PM haven’t heard from you. hope you’re okay. food’s in the fridge🥺

Miggy Smalls — 2:12 AM Dios mios, lo siento baby. I’ll make it up to you, I promise

Two weeks ago

You — 9:44 AM hi! thinking of you. i miss you😭 little bit extra today.

Miggy Smalls - 10 AM Does my baby need a hug delivered? I’ll stop by with some lunch too.

You — 10:03 AM oh please! and a kiss too, while you’re at it🥺

Miggy Smalls — 11:45 AM Omw baby. Hang tight

You — 2:12 PM thank you for coming to see me today. it was very special to me & meant a lot. i love you

Miggy Smalls — 3:54 PM I love you baby. Of course. Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve spent time together, work can be unpredictable at times

You — 4 PM all good. just try to talk to me more, so i can be understanding, okay?

It wasn’t all bad. Miguel had his moments where he would show up for some cuddles. He wouldn’t stay long, but those moments were sacred to you. You cherished those moments beyond his imagination. Of course you did, you had to with how rare they were.

Tears rolled down your face as you went through your messages. You missed him so much. More than words could fathom. And with every single fiber in your body, you wished that you could stop feeling this feeling. Missing him was painful. It felt like your body was operating without its heart. Like you were walking around with only one shoe.

It wasn’t always like this either. In the beginning, Miguel was the one texting and calling you first. He was showing up to your apartment with food and a movie, or a puzzle he picked up. Actually, one of your first quarrels was how he felt like you weren’t doing these things for him. And you felt like these were things he enjoyed, so you didn’t want to take it from him; so the resolution was you would take turns. But that Miguel feels like he’s millions of miles away, as if he’s a completely different person.

You tried your hardest to distract yourself, but the screaming red light of your digital clock reading 12:56 PM only mocked you. You couldn’t get the time of his day. Could you even consider this a relationship?

The memories slowly peeled away in your head. Good and bad. And you really began questioning if the good really could outweigh the bad.

A shadow drifts across your window, causing you to sit up, immediately wiping your face with the sleeve of Miguel’s hoodie. If an intruder was going to get you, you’d be damned if it were booger-faced crying.

Immediately, your heart starts to pound in your chest; if the intruder didn’t know any better, it’d almost be as if you were knocking at the window. You reached for your bedside lamp, clutching it at the base, raising your arm as the shadowed figure presses their fingers to push up the window. Without hesitating, you swipe the lamp at the unnamed stranger.

“Ow! Babe?” you hadn’t even realized your eyes were closed shut and turned to the side. You peeked your eyes and there he was in all of his glory.

“M-Miguel?” you sniffled. You couldn’t help it. You saw him and your heart tore. The weld in your throat tightened as you swallowed.

“Baby, it’s okay. It’s just me.”

Only it wasn’t.

[isdalinarhot]

im planning to go on t soon, and i wanted to know if theres anything you would tell someone about to go on? unexpected side effects, cool things that happened, general timeframe, etc? its cool if no

-orgasms change day 1 brother. like that’s the first real change is that all of a sudden you cum different. and your sex drive goes up immediately too if you’re someone who isn’t ace in the way where you don’t have a libido either. Not a distracting amount but you sure do go man pop culture sure was right about the general horniness of teenage boys

-bottom growth won’t be noticeable until like 3-4 months in, but it’ll start hurting within like a week. Just power through it and wear your most comfy undies. Now that I’m. Jesus 7 months on T? I get less growing pains in that regard but in the beginning it’s mildly uncomfortable but also kinda cool

-if you have penetrative vaginal sex get lube asap because while you still do get somewhat wet, it won’t be nearly as much as you did pre T. Better safe than sorry.

-YOU WILL SWEAT SO MUCH. like i don’t think anyone prepared me for how sweaty i was gonna be always. A neutral thing but yeah

-the second big thing I noticed was I was better at lifting heavy objects about a month in. Like I am a wimp weakling who doesn’t work out so I don’t have dramatic increases in strength but I used to fight for my life to carry a bag of groceries and a gallon of milk in from a grocery run and now it’s no problem. It used to take me 2 arms to carry my 2 liters of vodka home from the liquor store and I’d be dying by the time I got home but now I can hoist it under one arm no problem and don’t start getting sore until I’ve been walking for like half a mile. It’s super cool!

-you will smell worse like objectively due to boysmell being stronger than girlsmell and also all the sweat so I recommend showering about twice as often as you did pre T. So like if you only needed to shower once every 2 days now do it daily, if you needed a shower once a day do it twice. Don’t wash your hair more than usual though!

-some people get hungrier on T, I personally didn’t. Keep some beef jerky (or some mixed nuts if you don’t eat meat) on hand just in case because T hunger is very much a Protien Hunger (or so I’ve heard).

-my voice started changing about 5 and a half months in, and it’s gonna be pretty easy to deal with when talking, but singing will be kind of a landmine while you try to navigate your new range. I’ll let you know when that evens out 🥲

-body hair is more of a genetic thing, and is different for everyone. My friend got the beginnings of a mustache 2 months on T, I have 0 facial hair but darker hair on my forearms and belly 7 months in. Be patient.

-like, the day before you start T it is in your vested interest to take a neutral nude both of your general body and of your junk just so that when you’re like “am I going crazy or has my fat redistributed/has my bottom growth been noticeable” you don’t have to fight for your life to dig through ancient nudes/hole pics for some measure of comparison. Speaking based on personal regret here

-you may not have the Ideal Body Type you daydreamed of having as a repressed teen at the swimming pool, because this shit is unpredictable, but you will definitely have a body that feels more like home

-your skin will get rougher and that might be sensory hell if you have sensitive skin BUT it lets you open jars and bottle caps easier. Enjoy your new superpower (guy they hand their drink to so you can open it)

-mood wise you won’t become an aggro monster, but you will have PMS style irritation easier. If you take antidepressants those work wonders on managing that, so DONT SKIP YOUR MEDS if you take them (you already shouldn’t, but now you have extra incentive!)

-be aware that if you drink (and possibly with other drugs too, but I don’t do any of those regularly), your tolerance will likely go up a little. Make informed choices on how you go forward with this — the health teacher approved choice is that you just resign yourself to being a little less drunk now, but I’d be the worlds biggest hypocrite if I recommended that with a straight face.

-you’ll cry less, but you won’t feel less sad — it’s more like not crying as much or getting ~emotional~ about stupid stuff. I still tear up during climactic emotionally moving moments during books and movies, just not when sharks are eating the POV crab in a nature documentary

-the first rule of transsexuality is be yourself and have fun — there’s no shame in realizing that it isn’t for you after giving it a shot, but if you never try you’ll live your whole life wondering. Most changes that happen within the first month or two are reversible, so you have some grace period for figuring yourself out

Very excited for you! Good luck and congrats!

[littlequackerman]

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu x Reader- Sick Day (fluff)

So this was originally posted on my old account, greenteaandchildrenscreams, but i deleted that account and i wanted to rewrite this now that ive improved my dialogue a bit so here you go. enjoy <3

(warning: swearing)

You groaned as you got out of bed, your headache pounding with every step you took towards your kitchen. You got out your thermometer, stuck the metal tip under your tongue and waited for its results.

"101.4... damn, that sucks... where's the ibuprofen" you thought. You went into your bathroom and took the painkillers with some benadryl (or whatever meds you take when youre sick) and headed back into your room before covering yourself with as many blankets as you could find and falling asleep.

You were awoken hours later by your phone beeping off the hook. You shielded your eyes from its bright light as you checked your messages (the painkillers had helped your headache but fevers are bitches) and saw a bunch of missed calls and texts from your favorite mafia boss.

short king 💓

hey where are you you havent been in class for 2 days teach is worried

You

Sry i have a fever i feel like shit

i took some meds earlier and took a nap but i still feel crappy

short king 💓

ill be there soon

You

you dont have to i dont want you to get sick read 4:45 pm

You sighed at his lack of response but quickly fell back asleep.

You were woken up again a short time later by Fuyuhiko banging on your bedroom door. You pushed off the blankets that were still on you (you had kicked most of them off in your sleep) and opened the door. The short blonde was holding a large bowl and a tote bag.

"Fuyu how the hell did you get into my house?"

"Peko."

You let out a small laugh, of course she'd be able to get into your apartment. She did work for a yakuza leader, after all.

"I brought some soup and medicine." Fuyuhiko set the bowl, apparently containing soup, down on your nightstand. "I wasn't sure what you're sick with so I brought a bunch."

You smiled. Although he had a brash and intimidating facade you could definitely see his caring side sometimes. This was one of those times.

"Have ya eaten yet?"

"No."

"Dumbass, how the fuck are you gonna get better if you don't eat shit?"

He led you over to your bed. As you sat back down on it he handed you the bowl of soup and a spoon.

"Chicken Noodle. Peko made it."

The soup was delicious, as you had suspected when you heard Peko had made it. You quickly finished off the whole bowl and handed it back to Fuyu.

"Make sure to thank Peko for me. That was delicious." you said as you rearranged the pillows on your bed and laid back down.

"Will-do."

Fuyu got out some painkillers and allergy medicine from his bag. You took a dose of both before once again rolling over in preperation for a nap. You saw Fuyuhiko head towards the door and called out to him.

"Fuyu, wait."

He turned. "What, ya need anything else?"

"Yeah. Can you cuddle with me till I fall asleep?"

He turned bright red, but still walked back towards your bed, kicking off his shoes and getting under the covers with you. You wrapped your arms around him and buried your head in his neck.

"Thank you for everything today. I appreciate it." you breathed into the curve of his neck.

"It's nothin, dumbass."

"I still appreciate it..." you trailed off, but not before murmuring "Love you."

Fuyuhiko was startled by your words but still let out a soft "Love you too." before falling asleep himself.

You two would have plenty of time to figure out your feelings when you woke up.

[kotylynnemerrill]

Y'all when I tell you I struggled with this one... I meant it. Bruh...

But it's done. I got through it and it's now here for your pleasure...unless you hate it. In that case I'm sorry 😐

But as always I really do hope y'all are enjoying this and I am always open to suggestions and advice 🙂And if there is a scene you'd like me to include just let me know and I'll do my best!

Your Words I Hold Forever Ch. 3

January 5th, 1968 4:12 pm

Why was she so nervous? Lexi felt silly, she really did...but she couldn't help it. Her stomach did flip flops as she stood in front of the red brick building.

It wasn't as if this was the first boy she had ever talked to (Blake Green didn't count). It wasn't even the first time she had talked to 'him'!

Deep breath in...let it out...

He made her nervous, or at least the very thought of seeing him again did. She wasn't even sure really what made her decide that today of all days was the day, the perfect time to do this.

She was intrigued, certainly...he seemed to pop into her mind every 30 seconds or so, like when you got a craving and it's all you can think about. Ever since New Year's Eve - ridiculous.

That was a good enough excuse though right?

"Fuck sake," Lexi hissed under her breath. "You're just saying hi". It was fine...she really was acting ridiculous. She would be absolutely fine. Why was this so daunting then...

Maybe it was his eyes, those blue (impossibly blue) eyes, framed by impossibly long eye lashes...they intimidated her how open they were, like the north sea. You could easily drown in them.

Deep breath in...let it out...

He had said he'd like to talk again... you're just taking him up on his offer.

She wondered what Cassie would have to say about her baby sister biking over to 'chill' with Fezco O'Neil.

Lexi knew of him, remembered coming to this very store with Rue a million years ago it seems...when they used to hang out. It had been almost everyday that summer.

They didn't hang out like that anymore.

She knew of the reputation he had around town (mainly told to her from her peers) as the local dope dealer. But after New Year's Lexi couldn't make sense of it, couldn't connect 'that' person with the young man she had met that night, and the title actually frustrated her a little.

People would probably think she was a little crazy for willingly 'cozying' up to someone with his repertoire, but despite all of that Lexi felt she was a good judge of character.

The way he had smiled at her, almost shy. She got the feeling he wasn't used to someone just casually talking to him the way she had.

The way he had patiently listened to her go on and on about things that didn't even matter, and he seemed genuinely interested. He hadn't put her down or told her she was talking too much. He had been kind to her.

Lexi could tell there was more to him than that scarlet letter people had pinned on him.

Cassie would certainly think she had lost her mind but it was a little too late now. Lexi Howard had been struck by something, something that made her want to be brave. And with that she had made a New Year's resolution to step out of her comfort zone for once.

Having someone willing to listen to her 'bullshit' made her want to not be just an observer anymore.

He had done that for her.

Lexi leaned her bike against the front of the building by the stairs that led up to the entrance. Lord it really had been a while - years - since she had been to this store known as 'The Dairy'.

It hadn't changed at all. Well...maybe there was a little more vegetation growing in between the layers of brick. The red letters of the 'The Dairy' sign hanging high on its pole above the roof were starting to fade and peel.

She made her way up the three concrete steps, her heart thudding in her chest like an off kilter washing machine. When she got to the entrance she made sure to straighten her blouse and smooth her hair down before pushing it open.

Ding ding. The tiny cowbell above the door announced her arrival. Fez looked up from what looked like some sort of notebook and the pen he held in his hand stilled when his eyes met hers. They widened slightly and his pink lips curved into a small smile.

"Lexi Howard." He gave her a slow once over and Lexi could already feel her cheeks flush . " How you doin? I was starting to miss you."

Oh boy "Ha! Yeah right." Why did he have to say things like that?

Fez clicked his tongue, silently scolding her, as she made her way over to the counter. "For real. I was beginning to think you were taking me for a loop."

"No...I'm good. And no one's being taken for a loop." She smiled widely. "I was riding my bike...saw the store...figured I'd come say hi...if that's cool?"

"Yeah, you good." Fez set the pen he was holding down on the book and closed it before pushing it aside.

"Are you sure? If you're busy I can..."

"Na," fez gave a wave of his hand " for real, you good. It's been boring as hell to be honest with you and I was kinda hoping you'd have more of them interesting facts for me." Lexi caught a glimpse of the gap between his front teeth as he gave her a smile.

"Okay." It came out as a squeak and his smile widened.

Lexi took a minute to take notice of how quiet the store was...probably getting ready to close for the day she realized and her chest squeezed. He probably was busy, trying to finish up for the day, and she had interrupted him. He was probably just being nice earlier.

"Is it just you today?" Lexi asked once she felt her voice didn't sound like that of a chipmunk. "I really am sorry if I'm bothering you at work."

"Nah...I mean, we about to close for the day, but seriously you're no bother. My lil brother Ash is in the back somewhere," Fez inclined his head to the left in the direction of what Lexi assumed was the storage area. "Helpin me out today as punishment" his lips morphed into a brief smirk. "And like I said it's been pretty slow here...figured I'd utilize the down time...help him build some character you feel me?"

"Oh no." Lexi stifled a laugh "What did he do?"

"Been a real grumpy mother fucker lately...being real disrespectful an shit." Fez shook his head in annoyance as he gave another quick glance towards the storage area. Lexi could now hear movement, a soft scuttling, coming from that direction.

"How old is he?".

Lexi vaguely remembered the boy. She had seen him once...one of the last times she had come to The Dairy' with Rue in fact. She remembered him having short dark hair and an olive complexion, so different from Fez's auburn hair and fair, freakled skin.

He had poked his head out from behind the small dividing wall to the counter as she and Rue were giggling about something stupid...he had set them with a look that instantly shut them up (or in Lexi's case - stop mid lick of her strawberry cone) then mumbled something about them eating all of the stock of ice cream.

"He's thirteen." Fez mumbled with an eye roll.

"Sounds about right. Cassie was like the Antichrist at thirteen." Lexi leaned her hip against the counter and loosely folded her arms over her chest, hoping she would appear at ease...relaxed.

"Grandma would have killed me I ever talked to her like that when I was his age."

"My grandmother threatens to use soap...so I've been told."

"You've never had yo mouth washed out with soap?" Fez leaned forward on the counter, folding his forearms over each other for support.

Lexi tried to ignore how the sudden shift brought him just a smidge closer to her as she answered him...tried to ignore how the light had shifted on his face and she could now make out the vast dusting of freckles that covered his cheeks, his forehead...even his eyelids. His eyes sparkled (filled with stars), as he looked up at her.

"Nope." She popped the 'p' for emphasis.

"Yeah...me either," Fez laughed. She could just see the tip of a pink tongue poking between the charming gap in his teeth.

"I'm real glad you decided to come by. Really liked talkin to you the other night." His voice was lower now. Soft. His eyes flicked up to hers briefly before falling back down to his hands.

"I liked talking to you too." If Lexi's cheeks were flushed before there was definitely no hiding it now. "Surprised I didn't bore you though. Cassie says I can talk too much...people tend to drown me out when I do that."

"Hell nah...don't even trip. I meant to ask how you know all that shit at the party..."

"Oh...ion know." Lexi gave a small shrug "Reading...I read a lot."

"Okay, that's yo bag. Rue said you was smart as hell".

"She did?" Lexi frowned at the mention of Rue's name.

"Yeah..." Fez looked down, one large hand came up to rub the nap of his neck...which was turning a little red. "Sorry...I know y'all in a situation...not really talking or whatever."

"No, no...it's fine...just" This really wasn't a can of worms Lexi wanted to open just yet...wasn't sure how to...with him.

Truth be told she missed Rue...felt helpless when it came to her. Hell, she didn't know how to help her own father and mother with their 'vices'. She was in no position to help Rue. She felt as if she had kinda started this strange mourning process for her oldest friend...started to accept the new dynamic between them.

She had never been around her father when he did...whatever it was he did, and it was kind of hard to escape her mother when she was drinking. Lexi was always the one at home.

Lexi thought it wouldn't have shocked her as much as it did when she discovered Rue was using 'harder' substances, but it had.

The irony that it had been right outside this very store when it happened didn't escape Lexi either. It was the first time she had actually become aware of Fez and admittedly she had been instantly a little jealous of the beautiful boy who had apparently so easily stolen her friends attention...

Then she had been angry as she made the connection that this new person was where she was getting the drugs. A brief exchange glimpsed through a dirty window...so quick Lexi hadn't been sure at first, but then Lexi had spotted the baggie tucked in Rue's hand as she hurriedly stuffed in her shorts pocket as they had left the store.

It had planted a seed in Lexi, sprouting it's roots as they made their way to Rue's house until she couldn't hold it back anymore and she spoke up.

"What was that?" They were walking through Rue's yard when she asked.

"Nothing." Nothing that concerns you...

"Rue...did you..." They were stepping up on her front porch when Lexi reached out...stopping Rue before she could get in the safety of the house.

"what...you gonna narc on me to my mom?" She said turning on Lexi.

Lexi had tried not to cry...Rue had never gotten short with her before...had never been mean.

"Yes...if you don't stop. Pot is one thing Rue but..."

"Okay..." She turned, opened the front door and walked inside the house, letting the door shut in Lexi's face. Rue wasn't listening anymore...didn't care what Lexi had to say. So she left it at that. She adjusted her backpack on her shoulder and left...she didn't know what else to do. The seed of bravery that had been there strong and powerful moments before was now gone.

But Lexi was smart enough to realize Fez wasn't solely responsible for Rue...there had always been something going on underneath the surface she thought and then Rue's dad had gotten sick...really sick.

The loss of Gus Bennett had been devastating...even for Lexi.

She had truly loved that man as a second father. Especially at that time in he life, seeing as her own father had disappeared...vanished out of her, her mother's and Cassie's lives, like that blue silk ribbon she used to always wear in her hair.

Just gone... probably forever.

She knew Fez was struggling with his own demons when it came to the catastrophe that was Rue. Things he had to pay for he had said...

"Have you seen her lately?" Lexi asked quietly. Fez nodded his head slowly.

"Yeah...seen her at the party"

"Oh! Lexi raised her eyebrows. "Yeah she mentioned she would be there...I didn't see her." Lexi bit her bottom lip, afraid to vocalize her next question. "Was she..."

"She was doing her own thing I guess...with some kid named Elliot"

"Oh... I don't think I know him.". Lexi bit her lip again...harder...another difficult question forming on her tongue. she felt that seed sprout again, but...she didn't want to offend him...she really didn't. If she didn't ask now though she never would. "Hey, can I ask you something... personal?"

Fez perked up...his full attention on her. "Lay it on me."

"I know...I know you sell stuff - and I'm not judging by the way...not at all...and it's just while we're on the subject of Rue...I know she gets...or used to get - shit! I mean, has she gotten anything from...you... recently?"

Fez didn't look surprised by her revelation, nor offended by her question. In fact, he looked...sad. And for the first time, despite the short, almost buzz cut, and thick copper beard he sported, making him seem older... intimidating...she could see how young he was...she could see the guilt he carried in those open beautiful blues.

"I'm just worried, you know...since her dad and..."

"I know...I'm worried too. But listen," he let out a long sigh "Rue gonna do what she wants. She ain't got nothin from me in a while...cut her off after she got sick...but people like her will always find a way to get their fix."

Lexi thought of her dad...waking up in the middle of the night to find him walking towards the front door with a handful of expensive items...he hadn't said a word to her when he spotted her at the top of the stairs...spared her a brief glance then opened the door and walked out, making sure the door shut softly behind him.

"I'm sorry...I know it's probably why..."

"No...I know. And I'm not blaming you...not...I think she's always struggled you know - we never really talked about it...but, then losing her dad..."

"Fucked her up for real..."

"Yeah...it did." Lexi let out a long sigh...

"Well...maybe you can help me keep an eye on her then."

Lexi let her shoulders sag, the tension leaving her body. Brown eyes locked with blue. She smiled and nodded.

The storage room door opening made them both jump a little as a young kid with dark hair walked out. He spotted the two of them at the counter and glanced back and forth between them briefly before locking his stern gaze on Fez.

"You a real asshole man."

[rubberduckrobin]

Hey hope your having a great day!

I was wondering if I could request a story with Shane x Male reader? maybe just them slowly falling in love over time.

Thank You

-🐭

Hey, Anon!

Thank you so so much for the request, I enjoyed writing it a lot!

It turned out a bit long...so what I'm going to do is post it in 2 sections: parts 1, 2 & 3 and parts 4, 5 & 6. This is section 1. I'll link section 2 at the end :) [or you can just find it after this post].

Sorry for the complications! But I really hope you enjoy (and anyone else reading too!)

For my AO3 pals: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50214880

To fall for someone. - Shane x M! Reader

Summary: On a dreary repeated day, Shane finds something that can finally make him feel free; or rather, someone.

Note: R/N means Reader's Name.

TW: Deep topics & alcohol usage, mild profanity

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Shane’s perspective throughout.

Part 1: A repetitive day meets a new end.

Stacking shelves at Joja Mart. As usual. 

Watching the clock over my shoulder, ticking for worthless time. As usual.

The sky through the back windows, gloomy and grey, as are my own dull eyes; I watch the clouds swirl, threatening thunder. 

I sigh. 

A walk home in the rain; a way to dampen the already shitty mood. 

One more minute until I finish my day - the day I have been living for an entire year. 

It’s always the same; the shelves, the clock, the darkness. Everythings the same, and nothing has changed…I can’t stand it. 

What’s the point?

The clock ticks 5:00 and I'm off. My bag, light due to being filled with nothing but empty beer cans, slumps over my shoulder as the automatic doors open reluctantly.

————————————————

Life is getting tedious. What’s the point? 

If I have to wake up everyday and do the exact same shitty thing, every. single. day. Then why am I even here? I’m not helping anyone and I’m just a burden. 

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I feel heavy. My bag is light but I feel heavy. Everything hurts. 

I stumbled out of the saloon at exactly 11:00 PM.

11:00PM.

The same as usual.

Everything hurts and is heavy. As usual. 

Looking up at the sky, I watch a solitary bird amongst the midnight black and I can’t help but wonder if that bird has a purpose too. 

I can’t help but wonder if anything has a purpose. 

And that’s when I see him. 

Watching the same bird. The same sky. But smiling. I’ve forgotten how to smile, how does it feel?

I’ve never seen this guy before. Somehow…it feels refreshingly new. 

Promising.

But why?

What’s the point?

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Part 2: Like a moth to a flame.

He sees me. And I feel warmth.

I don’t know how it's possible; I'm in my usual shabby, thin and lint ridden clothes, shivering, watching the sky, in cold, cold rain yet somehow…I feel warmth. 

I shouldn’t want to find out, there’s no point. But somehow, a part of me wants to know more about this stranger, and the fire they started in my heart, whatever my heart is for.

Whatever my heart is for, it longs for them and I can’t deny it. I’m alone in the rain with my consciousness, but then they are here, with me, and my emptiness, even my hidden sadness, and I can’t help feeling like I want to know more. To feel more. More warmth. 

“Ahem. You’ve been staring for quite a while.”

I ruin everything. Of course he’s going to run away and maybe it's for the best.

“At the sky, I mean. But, I guess you've been kinda spacey around my face region.”

This man. He laughs and a blazen passion is sought in my heart.

“Oh…uh…yeah.”

As my only comfort, I bring my hands to my pockets, hands quivering as frostbite makes its way up my fingertips to my palm.

“Nice weather we’re having.”

I can’t respond… It’s meant to be funny, and I'm meant to laugh, but I haven’t laughed in ages…whatever ‘ages’ is, anymore.

“Not into sarcastic jokes? Huh…kay’. Got it…how about…dad jokes? You seem like you like them.”

My only response is a grunt as I turn my back to him. 

He’s trying to cheer me up - he’s too sweet for me. Hurting someone sweet would only make things bitter and worse. For the both of us.

I distinguish the flame in my cradling mind and heart, and go home.

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Part 3: Why does the sun come out every morning, and the moon to shine at night?

Waking up is difficult, but not impossible. I’ve done it for years. 

I need to work. It’s the only way I’m useful.

What’s the point?

I don’t know, but today is no different. I put on the same clothes and head to work.

Well, I tried. 

There he was. Outside the house, sleeping on the grass. 

“What on earth are you doing?”

I watch as he wakes violently, confused and drowsy. 

“Huh? Oh…huh?”

“…” It doesn’t matter what I say or do. However, somehow, I care for him alot more than I have ever done for someone, especially myself. “Were you drunk last night?”

“Probably. And you, Mr. Handsome Hangover?”

I don’t need to hear more. I shouldn't put more effort into my curious care. Plus, I'm going to be late.

I turn my back once again and walk down the path. I can’t allow myself to think such things.

To my half-annoyance, I hear the sound of footsteps.

“Hey! Where are you going?”

“To work. Now go away.”

“What if I said no?”

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 There he is. In front of all of the staff, including me of course, introducing himself.

Why.

“Hello! Nice to meet you, and pleasure to be working with you.”

The staff here aren’t the nicest of people so they disregard his warm welcome and immediately shuffle off to work. I don’t blame them. I know what its like working in a corporate shithole for years.

We’re here for work, not for pleasantries. 

I’m just about to join them, when he approaches me.

“Sup. That was a surprise, wasn't it!” he holds his hand out to shake, “well, as you know, I’m (R/N)”

“I don’t care, go away.”

I do care. I really do. I just can’t be bothered for a relationship of any sorts. Its enough having to maintain one with Jas and Marnie. I just…can’t. 

They are already concerned and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone else.

“Oh, yes you do! You stared at me for a good five minutes before you ran off.”

“Stop.”

I begin to distract myself with the shelves I am so familiar with. I can hear the silence and vacancy of this new…bothersome man. 

Looking over my shoulder, I notice he’s hard at work. Huh. Quite surprising. Not completely. People like him are very strong. Mentally, that is. They can put their mind to anything and get it done just fine. I guess one of the things he put his mind to was socialising with me, nobody. I wonder why. 

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“Huh? Oh, cause’ you seemed lonely.”

What’s a better place than the saloon to coincidentally meet someone you’ve been trying to avoid and ignore all day in order to save both of your sanities all at once. 

And an even better place to make a fool of yourself by asking why he approached you the other night, especially when a little tipsy.

Lonely? Do I really look lonely? I never knew it was that…obvious. 

“Oh.”

“And may I ask, why did you walk off that night?”

He says, leaning in, like the devil's temptation, a shot glass dangling seductivley at the tips of his fingers.

“Because.”

“Because?~”

“Because. Now let me be alone.”

“All right.”

Thank god.

“But just one thing.”

Ugh.

“What’s your name?”

I lost my nametag for work a while ago. 

“Shane.”

“Nice to meet you, Shane.”

Why must it be that the warmth seeks my lonely heart instead of those who deserve it?

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Another lonely night in my cold bed. I can hear the wind howl, smell my unwashed odoresome sheets, taste the pungent biting liquor from tonight’s round and see nothing but the moonlight filtering through my tattered blinds.

I can feel the tears on my cheeks but It doesn't feel like I'm crying.

I’ve forgotten what crying is, because I've done it so often. I’ve also forgotten the feeling of stopping. 

One of my only escapes is the drinks. 

I need another one, soon, before it becomes more than just a distraction.

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SECTION 2: PARTS 4, 5 & 6

[yooniefeetie]

BUSY

    FLUFF 

A/N: at the beginning of every chapter I will always put smut angst or fluff and I wrote before but I haven't wrote in like 4 years so please work with me. Plus leave a comment if you can. I hope you all enjoy! 

It was 8 AM and Amelia was just waking up from bed. She went to feel the opposite of the bed (that is where her husband slept). It was cold and warm she quickly got up and went to the bathroom that was connected to their bedroom and got ready. When she finished getting ready she went to go look for her husband when she couldn't find him she opened her messages on her phone. Her husband left her a message and said he wouldn't be home for dinner. She signed as she put her phone on the kitchen counter and made herself a green tea and started to clean the house a little bit until noon finally came before she knew it. 

Amelia started to prep dinner as she heard the front door open. 

"Amelia darling" Her mother called. 

"Hi mom I'm in the kitchen" Amelia said.

Her mother walked into the kitchen and kissed her daughter on the cheek.

- How are you honey?

- I'm good and you?

- I'm wonderful. Where is Daveed? She started looking around.

- Um he's not home yet mom. He should be home soon.

- Oh? She frowned. I hope you 2 didn't get into any fights. 

- Oh mom why would you say that of course we didn't get into a fight. He just had some things to do today so he left for the day.

- Okay good. 

Jolie loves her son in law and the moment she met him she knew him and her daughter where meant for each other. 

Amelia started clapping .

- finally dinner is done and I am starving. She quickly got a plate and started eating her mother Jolie started chuckling. 

- You are just like your father. She started laughing.

- Ugh mom I cannot help it I love food. Best part of my day to be honest is to eat.

- wait honey are you pregnant. Am I finally getting a grandchild?

- Mom what no omg. Why can't I just love to eat and enjoy food in peace without being pregnant. Whenever me and Daveed are expecting you will be the first person I call.

- Okay darling. She chuckled and side hugged her daughter. 

It was 10:30 pm and Amelia's mother had already left and now Amelia was on the couch reading one of her books that she never got a chance to finish. at 10:50 pm that's when Amelia heard the door open and close and she saw her handsome husband. She put her book back on the bookshelf and by time she turned around her husband Daveed was behind her kissing on her neck. Amelia moaned. He whispered in her ear.

- I miss you baby. 

- I missed you too. You know my mom came by today and I was telling her how much I love food and the first question she asked me was I pregnant. 

Daveed chuckled and left a peck on Amelia lips. 

- Your mother really wants a grandchild. 

- I know its crazy but I believe she will get one soon by the way we keep going at it almost every night. 

- I know that's right. He slapped her ass and started attacking her neck with kisses and starting to form hickies. She started laughing and hitting his chest. 

- OMG DAVEED. You are gonna leave marks all over. 

He smiled at his lovely wife and he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. and He threw her on the bed and took off his shirt. Amelia started running her hand up and down Daveed chest. Daveed finally laid down besides her on his side of the bed and then Amelia started lying on his chest and Daveed started stroking her hair.

- You know this might actually be my favorite part of the day. Just relaxing and rewinding with you is my favorite thing. 

- Me too baby. Sorry I left so early and we couldn't really  get to spend the day with each other today. 

- No I understand babe you were busy. No hard feelings. 

Daveed kissed Amelia on the lips.

- This is why I love you so much. I swear I don't deserve you.

- No I don't deserve you. You are so kind and sweet to me I love you so much and I cannot wait one day til we have mini yous walking around here. She said leaving a kiss on his cheek and then falling asleep. 

Daveed stayed up for a bit and then he kissed his wife cheek before going to bed. 

A/N: I hope this first chapter was good and I am hoping all of you are enjoying and enjoy my future writing and please be patient with me. My plan is to release a chapter maybe every week or something like that if I have the time to do so! And if anyone has any requests for me and they want me to write about don't be shy and write it in the comments for me! Thank you all for taking your time to read my fanfic your support means a lot too me!! 

[myfriendofmiseryyy]

Fade into you

A Marcus pike x plus sized fem reader fanfic 💜

Content warnings!!!!!!

Mentions of very toxic relationships,mentions of verbal and emotional abuse,mentions of sexual assault and abuse.

3 months earlier:

Rain falls down my face as I stand outside his apartment for the last time,I’m done done with his mind games and constant gaslighting. I call an Uber to pick me up,and take me back “home” my own fucking apartment doesn’t even feel like home anymore every where I look I see all the memories and arguments I’ve had with jake,I can’t even sleep without having vivid nightmares about the last 12 months of our relationship.

I moved half way across the world for him,for it to be thrown back in my face when the abuse started. I should of seen it coming,I was stupid to think someone could actually love me. But at least I’ve got a job now,and I enjoy it. I work for the government,fbi to be exact,how I fucking FBI Agent didn’t see the fact my own boyfriend was abusing me for 4 years is beyond me. I get in the Uber and tell the driver the directions to my apartment,I feel on edge,I don’t trust anyone especially men. He gives me a kind smile and starts driving towards my apartment,sensing I didn’t want to speak,he just turned the radio on. Thank fuck.

I get home and slump on the couch,my now ex boyfriend has sent me multiple messages

11.30 pm

“Please I fucked up,please I love you forgive me”

11.33 pm

“Please baby,I will do anything”

11:45 pm

“Fuck you,worthless slut. You are not worth anything. Your friend is a better fuck anyway”

I block his number and his social media accounts.

One thing about being in the fbi is that I know he is going to pay for what he has done. Maybe after this is all over I will help over people in the same situation as me, help them get their life’s back on track. But first I need to help myself.

My apartment is a mess,my constant state of depression and being at work all the time has really taken its toll,I try my hardest but sometimes all the cleaning gets too much. I do the reminder of the dishes then decide to head to bed,not that I will be getting any sleep. I’m constantly terrified jake will break in,he has done it before. Breaking in to my apartment at the dead of night just to shout abuse at me,but my neighbours know what a scumbag he is,and they have cameras all over the building. “I’m safe” I tell myself.

No way am I sleeping with the lights off though,I do my nighttime routine and then text my co worker Marcus to say that I might be running late tomorrow because I’ve only just gotten back. Honestly,marcus has been suspicious of jake since the the day he burst into the office demanding that he needed to speak to me “right now” ever since then marcus has kinda been protective over me. Marcus and I have become pretty close friends (as close as Jake allowed us to be) and we check in on each other regularly. He has been through some shit the last few months with his ex Teresa,she abandoned him and called off the engagement after she met another guy. Marcus was in bits,I just wish I could of helped him more at the time. But I had to be home at a certain time,Jake set an alarm on his phone for what time I finished work,and if I wasn’t home by then he would go ape shit.

At least now I can hang out with Marcus and other co workers after work without jake breathing down my throat.

———————————————————————————-

3 months later

It’s been 3 months since I broke it off with Jake,my life has taken a turn for the better. I got a restraining order against him and I came clean about what happened to Marcus,he was infuriated and wanted to put the man behind bars. However Jake is (was) a cop and trying to put a cop behind bars is…very tricky,Jake knew all the best lawyers and the case fell through. It’s weird because technically the FBI is above the police but it still felt like Jake had all the power over me. I cried and cried that night. Marcus has Been there for me every step of the way,even down to coming to my apartment at 4am after I call him hysterically crying because I had a nightmare about Jake. He has installed new locks and a ring camera for me so I can see who is at my door,and has even taught me how to defend myself in that sort of situation. We have movie nights often where we take it in turns to pick a movie,I still feel very on edge around physical contact,Marcus acknowledges that and keeps his distance if needed,but honestly I like snuggling into him. He feels safe and I trust him. I often find myself falling asleep in his arms,it’s a reminder that I’m healing. I’m healing from all the shit Jake put me through. Although at the moment I can’t see myself and Marcus being more than good friends,I can’t help myself but like him as more than friends,he is kind,caring,compassionate and not to mention drop dead gorgeous. I think somehow,somewhere,someone put us together. I’m not a religious person,far from it. But I do believe in “soulmates” and I also believe in spirit guides. Maybe this is the way my life is supposed to go. Yeah I’ve been through a lot,to much if I’m honest. But maybe meeting and working with Marcus is the best thing that will ever happen to me,he certainly restored my faith in men.

I’ve been going to therapy for around 3 weeks now,my therapist being a very wise mid to late 50s woman,who has also gone through abuse.she tells me I am very strong and have a heart of gold. And that I need to heal before I get into another relationship. She has told me a lot of methods and books I can read,I’ve read more in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life.

Marcus is interested too,I lent him one of my books and he came to work the next morning with tears in his eyes and said “if this is just a fraction of what you went through then you are the strongest person I’ve ever known” and pulled me into a hug. Marcus is never shy to show his emotions,I like that about him. He is never shy of crying at a movie or a good song,he is never shy of telling me how HE feels. It has come up in conversation once or twice how he “thinks the world of me” and I’m “the most powerful beautiful woman he’s ever met” it normally comes out on the nights I’m crying into his shoulder because I think it’s all my fault. “Darling,one day you will know how it feels to be loved by a proper man,a man who will do anything for you because you deserve everything” he will whisper into my ear,he knows I am not ready for a relationship yet,he actually encourages I heal first,just like he did with Lisbon. But feelings are feelings and we both know that our feelings towards each other are more than platonic at this point. Small touches and eye contact kinda give it away,I just wish I wasn’t so fucked in the head that I could act on those feelings.

Later that day

Marcus comes over for our weekly movie night and we start the night off like we usually do,getting takeout. I’ve started to feel more insecure about eating around Marcus recently because of my feelings for him. I’m a bigger girl and all through out my life I was told I’m “fat” and “shouldn’t be eating that” the take way is ordered and it comes in no time,we get the pizza and sourdough out of the boxes and sit down on the sofa. “You can eat around me ya know,I think your body is beautiful,I don’t care what society thinks” Marcus softly says. “I know…it’s just all through out my life people have told me I shouldn’t eat certain “fatty” foods because I’m already fat enough” I sigh.

“Well fuck them,eat what you fucking want. It’s your life not theirs.” He says softly then chuckles.

“You think I’m beautiful?” I shyly say.

“I know you are” he says and leans in closer to me.

Ya know how I said I love how Marcus speaks his mind? That is what I mean,he isn’t afraid to say something “controversial” he also isn’t afraid to admit something is off with himself or if something is off with me he will be the first person to notice. He’s just so god damn perfect.

I sigh deeply.

“What’s up” he says after finishing his pizza “pizza put you in a food coma?” He chuckles.

“No no,I’m fine! just…thinking”

“Penny for thoughts? Or do you want to be left alone for a bit?”

Prang there goes my heart strings again,god fucking damnit.

“Could we just cuddle for a bit? Could use the grounding?” I say softly.

“Sure thing hunny,come ‘ere” Marcus pats his chest.

We stay cuddled for around half an hour,to be honest I’m far from relaxed I’ve been rehearsing a fucking speech for the past hour,of how I’m going to admit my feelings to Marcus,how I’m going to go about it.

“You sure you ok? You are very quiet today” Marcus strokes my hair gently.

Fuck it I’m gonna tell him,what could possibly go wrong?

“Marcus,can we talk?” I say shyly.

“Yeah of course what’s up hun?” He lifts his head up slightly and pauses the movie on the screen.

I take a deep breath,”this has been bubbling for a while now,but I like you.more than just friends,you make me feel safe,protected…happy again,you’ve help me through the toughest times of my life…you’ve helped me heal. I never thought I would trust anyone with my heart again but you came into my life with your charm and kindness and swept me off my feet. I think I’m ready to take my healing journey to the next step,to be in a relationship again,and I want it to be with you”.

Marcus looks shocked but happy,he puts his finger on my cheek and wipes the tears,”oh darling I’m so proud of you, you already know how much I think of you,how beautiful I think you are. And how I want to spend the rest of my life proving how real love should be. But for you to say those words,I’m so fucking proud of you. I know how much it took for you to say those words,and how much it even took for you to admit you had feelings for someone again. We can take this as slow as you want,your in control here,we will do this at your pace. And I mean everything,sex,kissing,going out in public,everything is your pace I promise”. He holds my face in his hands before pulling me into a hug,I can’t help but breakdown a little. This is the safest I’ve ever felt,in years…maybe even in my life,and it’s all thanks to Marcus.”don’t cry baby,you’ll get me going” Marcus soothes me gently by rubbing my back. “There happy tears,I’ve never felt so happy and safe with anyone” I say wiping my tears.” “Is it ok if I kiss you,I really want to kiss you” “I want you to kiss me Marcus,I’ve dreamt of kissing you for the last 8 months,when I was with Jake, and he would kiss me,I imagined it was you,even though you are nothing like Jake…obviously,I’m rambling just kiss me” I laugh softly. The moment his lips meet mine it is like a million fireworks,his lips are so soft and plump,like they were made for me. They mold into mine so easily,the softness of his lips and the slight roughness of his stuble,it all feels so amazing,it feels natural to kiss him. Like we have been together all along,our skins rubbing against each other as we kiss.

When we finally break the kiss,the look on both our faces is pure bliss,”so your saying…all them years I’ve been in bad relationship after bad relationship you were here all this fuckin time,waiting for me?” I chuckle softly. “That’s how the world works darlin” he laughs and cups my face in his hand “your an amazing kisser,I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you sooner�� he chuckles

“You and me both,I wish I found you when I moved over here. Not stayed with that abusive dickhead for another 5 years.” I sigh softly “you make me feel so alive Marcus”

We have a deep chat about how our relationship is going to go for the next 4 hours before heading to bed.

“Can you…sleep with me tonight, I know you normally sleep on the couch but…I want to be close to you” I say shyly.

“Of course hunny,I couldn’t think of anything more perfect” Marcus whispers.

We sleep in each others arms all night.

[de4dlyniightshade]

heyy :) erm im gonna fangirl really quick and then the request will be at the end incase you wanna skip to that part or anything, lol. okay so this is very much unnecessary and unasked for and blah blah but i don't care! i believe writers need to hear how much we appreciate them and their works because whew mama! ive been trying to write fics for like months and it actually is so horrible. i genuinely start to angrily vibrate bc my thoughts don't flow on the notes app. but i just wanted to say, nightshade, (ehehe that's so cheeky and silly for some reason) that i reallyyy love your work. its actually like horrific how much your writing just makes me so 😜😊🤭 i know you're not like a celebrity or anything, so it's gonna be weird with this like mini parasocial relationship thing, but please know your work has an impact !! a few months ago, i did something extremely bad and out of character while i was spiraling, and i decided that the best decision for me would be to quit using social media. (and beforehand i had quit using tiktok for like 7 months already and i wasn't that addicted to my phone but i still was consuming negative media) so, ofc, i stopped completely for a good month or so and only ever using youtube every now and then. buttttt, one of the first social media platforms i came back to first... was tumblr! it's actually so silly too because i only used tumblr like 4 times beforehand so i was quite new. but anyway anyway (im a yapper UGH) i really found that your posts had made me feel happy :) idk they kinda reminded me of myself before i went big bad that one time and it made me inspired to go back to how i used to be... u get me?? you're writing literally haunts my brain oh my lord it should be illegal to read your stuff because afterwards i literally have this crazy ass urge to read more and more and more. im lowkey an addict cause i be having my deadlynightshade withdrawals. the way you write is just so 😫 gosh, it's beautiful. i also love ur sillyness because like ME TOO. your random little posts are so me coded and i love it. YOU'RE SO FUNNY 😭 uhmm i just wanted to say thanks for being super cool and talented because believe it or not, the stuff you put out makes me really happy! (that was so melodramatic like mf they write about spencer being a pathetic pussy drunk bitch why are you saying it changed ur life?? its true tho.) erm yeah that's the end of that part i just again wanted to thank you 🙏 i wish we were friends SO BAD like you're actually awesome what the fuck.... but like how do u even become friends w ppl?? LMAO ERM ANYWAY 😍 can you write a blurb or h.c or something (honestly anything will make me happy) about valentine's day?? 🤭 basically spencer being SO FUCKING SHY because you can't stop touching his hands or hair subtly or like kissing his cheek leaving marks from lipstick or like getting him his favorite snacks/drinks/books/textures/ basically a gift that made u think about him?? ugh or him doing the same with you like him being the best fucking nerd boy ever and spoiling you so much like he goes ape shit spending well over his funds limit but it's worth it because it's you? or like sweet soft cutie pie sex? at the end of the day and he's like... Erm.. Pussy for 1 please! you were so pretty today... You always are-! (I'm mentally ill and writing this at 8:37 pm on a thursday night.)

this is. the sweetest shit anyone has ever said to me i actually cried ngl to you.

i'm genuinely so thankful for the little community i have created here i never expected such an insane amount of positivity and love from people just for the whack ass shit i write but that's probably just my perpetual self hatred and disbelief that people enjoy anything about me🤞

i think it's crazy how people on the internet who have never met me, don't know me, what i look like, or anything can treat me better than any of my friends have and i'll always be thankful for that.

ALSO! i love being called funny pls kiss me i never think i'm actually funny istg

i was also planning on writing a valentines fic ALREADY but this made me wanna write it even more as a thank you for this message it genuinely made my week(can't promise it ON TIME for valentines but i can try!)

i'm also so glad that my work and blog makes you happy, there's no privilege greater than making someone smile even when they don't feel like it</3

[dspdick]

hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.

for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.

given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?

speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.

also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.

BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.

that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.

and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.

the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.

and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.

i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.

i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.

[capitalism-and-analytics]

hello. i am 24 currently, i have my bachelor’s in acct (graduated in dec 21) and ive done a single acct internship with crowe in spring 22. however i did not get a job offer afterward. i think i was overwhelmed by the job, how i was doing such important work after starting from nothing. it was kinda monumentous and a little heavy. idk if that makes sense? but currently im just working at a coffee shop and a restaurant. its very different but idk im kinda flailing around not going after my dream. i do love acct. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and enjoyed every bit of college. i should also mention that im high functioning autistic so idk if i chose the right field 😭 do u have any advice for me that could potentially help me get to where i want to be? i dont mind being a staff accountant. i dont aim very high. im not for senior manager or partner stuff. i also do wanna mention that i did apply for another internship for 23 spring but i did not receive it. i was kinda ashamed of myself and stopped trying 🥲 im sorry if im bothering u. thank u.

i have my bachelor’s in acct (graduated in dec 21)

Congratulations!

and ive done a single acct internship with crowe in spring 22. however i did not get a job offer afterward.

Crowe is a reputable firm and arguably one of the better large PA firms from what I've heard. Did they provide any feedback as to why you were not receiving a return offer? I know you mentioned that you were overwhelmed with the job, but just curious if there were any specific gaps, issues, or deficiencies that you could potentially address in preparation of your next role.

i should also mention that im high functioning autistic so idk if i chose the right field 😭

Although I will not pretend to be an expert on autism, I can tell you from experience that I have worked with many individuals with autism throughout my career, including in consulting, which is one of the more socially challenging areas among accounting, so I wouldn't let yourself question if accounting is the right field for you. At least not due to having Autism, it may be the wrong field for other reasons.

At the very least, one of the many perks of accounting is how versatile it is, so perhaps you may just want to pursue something with less client-facing (i.e. not public accounting) or at smaller firms.

do u have any advice for me that could potentially help me get to where I want to be? i dont mind being a staff accountant. i dont aim very high. im not for senior manager or partner stuff.

Well let's start with that: where do you want to be? It'll be much easier to advice you in a direction after knowing where you want to go and don't worry if that changes in the future. Your journey isn't one that is set in stone, it can change many times in your life.

Also don't put yourself down so much, you got a strong GPA, a valuable degree, and an internship from a reputable firm. You have A LOT of options and just realize you have already accomplished a lot more than many other graduates with and without Autism.

Furthermore, just for your awareness, you can still go far in your career as an individual contributor (IC) and not ever become a people manager (PM). There's a lot of people who become long-term IC's and still go far.

i also do wanna mention that i did apply for another internship for 23 spring but i did not receive it.

No worries! Just keep applying everywhere that seems interesting and don't just limit yourself to internships, you should apply to full-time positions too. You don't have to do an internship to get a FT offer. I did a tax internship my junior year at a small cpa firm and then switched to data analytics consulting at a big 4 (w/o internship) after I graduated.

Something to remember is that, just because you don't get a response or even get rejected from a company, it doesn't necessarily mean you are underqualified. A lot of companies have permanent job postings to have constant applications that auto-reject after XYZ days, even if they have no open positions.

[jeffhulswit]

Week 2 - Blog Post 1. I started with Max Stossel's lecture on how specifically social media is engineered to influence our activity. One anecdote that was fascinating was it seems to be the only business where the goals of the people providing the product does not align with goals of the user. In manufacturing, for example, the business's sole purpose of existing is meeting the goals of its consumers. As Max mentioned, we do not wake up every day and say, how much time can I spend on a specific app? Yet, that is the developers goal, to get you to stay as long as possible, and drive ad revenue. I also enjoyed the short piece by Emma Rathbone detailing exactly what life was like prior to the internet. At 35 years old I feel like I was the last generation to truly experience that in childhood, and it was quite accurate.

It is no doubt social media has a profound affect on my daily life. The most positive social media app I use would be LinkdIn. I find it helpful as my network of peers often post helpful industry technology, articles, and various local business news. This tool continually provides me relevant information for my work. The social media apps that have the most negative affect on my life are Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Reddit. I don't tend to post often, but rather use them to check out for a period of time. I feel at times it is a crutch for when I have anxiety about an issue. Its easier to hop on an app ,and devour 'digital marshmallows' than deal with problem at hand.

Having access to the internet is an absolute lifesaver for me. For the areas it hurts as mentioned above, it makes my job a lot easier. Being able to text, get maps, have whatever music I want, answer emails on demand, and access customer records is essential when driving up to 50,000 miles per year. I can't imagine performing my job without a smart phone. Having that on demand access, also means people expect answers now. This can get stressful.

Many times on the weekend when I play golf I leave my phone in the bag throughout the round. Roughly 4-5 hours. I always leave with a sense of relaxation from being able to unplug for a few hours and do something I enjoy. And majority of the time, I didn't miss anything important.

Going forward I'd like to implement two strategies to limit my social media time. Study with it out of the room, and eliminate using it from when I get home from work until 9 pm.

Thanks for reading!

jh

[feduprona]

Its all in my head

I started to seek professional medical help for my mental health issues on October 2014, I was still reluctant then because I was really clueless about what happens in a typical session with a psychiatrist Like others, I was not really aware of what a psychiatrist really does since Filipino movies and series painted a negative perception that people meet them when they are already hysterical and raging en route rehab facilities. I know it seemed shallow but it was just like that.

I believe depression started when my mother died twelve years ago and I had a deep guilt about not loving and supporting her – I was a problematic daughter who never stopped having troubles since high school. I was sickly, cutting classes, having catfights with other students and when I started working, I always get fired and went home begging her to solve my problems. It did not stop until her last breath and until now, I can still feel the incurable pain I’ve caused her when she was still alive.

I had so much happening in my head and heart and I had no clue that it was already a deep psychological concern. I woke up sad and unmotivated, I never enjoyed my life and I always seek attention and love from other people that I became demanding and eventually lose them. I was a bad friend too; I was always irrationally sensitive and clingy.

I had a hard time doing well in my job—my previous bosses and workmates complained how moody I was. I also had this habit of not joining our corporate gatherings for vague reasons. I always felt tired as days went on as I did not have clear duties and responsibilities as well the most appropriate immediate superior (my work is involved in risk management in food service setup covering wide tasks such as handling customer complaints including food poisoning claims, identifying food related hazards and correcting them).There was also a point when a doctor gave up on me because I was really THAT difficult and stubborn.

I already gave up to the point that it did not matter anymore if I die –by any cause. I was always thinking how much I wanted to end the life as I knew and have it.

I was always lethargic and sad; I was always alone in the piano lounge a known private hospital in BGC. I was  there in the middle of afternoon and just sitting there—crying silently because of my miserable life . One day of September 2014, my friend who happened to be a unit nurse manager there approached me and advised me to go to a psychiatrist. I initially wanted to back out and guess what , I only showed up  to my clinic appointment after seven weeks of weekly schedule .

For the first time in so many years, it dawned to me why I was always tired—I had an impractical commuting routine, excessive working hours , poor eating habits because of stress and lack of proper rest during weekends . I also failed to move on with my past  guilt and hurt  thinking that I  should live in pain for being a bad daughter to my mother.

The on and off therapy ended during the start of pandemic. It was kind of interesting case since unlike the majority, I never feared the COVID itself, I just accepted that I will just die when I get it because of my medical issues. But I was never afraid or worried about it. I am sickly for the past 10 years and getting in and out of hospital every other month was already normal. Maybe because I dealt with much personal battles and tragedies all of my life, I was able to manage the pandemic well. I am not proud of this; some of my closest friend died because of COVID or have lost their livelihoods, jobs and depleted resources.

When ECQ/lockdowns started, I was forced to relocate and live on my own for the first time. I never knew that it was the only thing that I needed to completely heal. I never had to whine over a long EDSA commute, never have to wake up as early as 4:30 AM and go home at 11 pm. Finally, my body started getting complete rest and sleep. I was even able to revitalize childhood hobbies—painting, reading books and playing guitar.I also started having “constants” or regular set of friends with less emotional hang ups on my part. I was comfortable mingling with them at the same time, I was just as cool being alone.

What happened after I started the therapy?

When you go to a psychiatrist, it won’t be just a regular chat—your behavior and symptoms (mental or physical ) will be verified by laboratory tests and there were also time that the psychiatrist will refer you to another specialist. Because of that, I was finally diagnosed to have auto immune disorder and PCOS and eventually got proper medical treatment.

I became more mindful of my feelings. I started to know what is valid and not. I already knew when to take medicines

I stopped mocking people who post sad quotes, suicidal notes I encourage the people around them to check up on them.

I was no longer overly sensitive when people tease me about being “baliw” or “may topak”. I can’t always confront them but I can finally ignore them.—as you ignore the bullying it gradually stops.

I became comfortable and happy being alone—I watched movies at cinemas alone, shopped  and pock groceries without a companion and even attended a lot of art exhibits and comics convention on my own. But who cared? My personal network with the people with shared interests widened.

I started trusting people and accepting that friends can hurt you once in a while and you can actually move pass from their mistakes, because like them ,you can also hurt them at some point

 Because of the above stuff, I did not become my boss’ favorite or a star employee but they finally understood how to deal with me. I was not actually weird—I was just—me. I still don’t like attending parties—but it was also great to be invited sincerely.I became productive  too.

#mentalhealth #depression #anxietydisorder