#its a shame that this is also relevant in real life

[scoobydoodean]

Amara: I can feel the love you feel except

It's cloaked in shame

I would like to know what your interpretation of this dialogue, as your more neutral,

I personally ship destiel so my interpretation was it was leaning to dean feeling ashamed for his feelings for Cas and possible internalised homophobia. Amara: I can feel the love you feel except

It's cloaked in shame

I would like to know what your interpretation of this dialogue, as your more neutral,

I personally ship destiel so my interpretation was it was leaning to dean feeling ashamed for his feelings for Cas, not having Cas return his feelings (that reminded me of J. A saying that he didn't think Cas/angels would feel that way, I'm summarizing) and possible internalised homophobia.

There's discourse as wincest shippers think is about Dean's feelings for Sam romantically.  And that's why its cloaked in shame etc

Or is it about the life that dean wants via retirement and wanting to do something else? Like the only qualm I have over this is Amara saying all the love which for me at least indicates a romantic undertone

Okay—so this took me a while to chew on (and I still am tbqh) and I want to preface this by saying nothing I'm saying here is meant to say this is the only way to interpret the dialogue or that dialogue can't represent more than one thing. But I do have a more neutral interpretation for you, anon.

Relevant passage from 11.13 "Love Hurts", where Dean is attacked by a Qareen—an entity that takes on the shape of your "deepest, darkest, desire" in order to get close enough to rip out your heart.

Dean: Find anything? (He turns to see Amara) Qareen!Amara: I understand Dean. Dean: Is that right? Qareen!Amara: the longing in your heart, I feel it too. Dean: (inching towards the knife) Well that’s touching. Consider that you don’t have a heart. Qareen. [...] Qareen!Amara: Who I am doesn’t matter. The real question is who are you? Dean: What do you mean who am I? Qareen!Amara: You’re a mystery. I can see inside your heart. Feel the love you feel. Except it’s cloaked in shame. When it comes to this, you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in.

The very first thing I want to point out here, is that the Qareen clearly perceives Amara to be Dean's "deepest darkest desire"—because it takes on her shape—not Cas's shape, or Sam's shape, or hell—Crowley's shape. If it was concerned with the love Dean was feeling for Cas or Sam or someone else deep down, I think it makes sense to say it would have taken one of their shapes—but it doesn't. It presents itself as Amara. And it presents itself as Amara because the Qareen doesn't represent love at all. It represents dark—often fleeting—desire that is mistaken for love. We see this in a few ways.

First, the episode opens with a wife (Melissa) and husband (Dan) going out for an apparent romantic Valentine's Day dinner. They appear deeply in love at first... but then we find out Dan is schtupping the babysitter, Stacy.

Second, while Melissa is out of the room, Stacy and Dan kiss, and Stacy says, "Ew I can taste her mom lipstick…" only to compliment Melissa's lipstick and act like she loves Melissa when Melissa comes back into the room. Stacy also urges Dan to tell Melissa tonight that he's with her now. Dan calls it heartless to do that on Valentine's day, and says he needs time.

Third, while it isn't caught in the transcript, I noticed when I was watching the episode, in the scene where Stacy is at the house alone, flipping through channels on the TV, we catch a snippet of "Rick and Morty" just as the Qareen, in Dan's shape, comes inside the house to kill Stacy.

Rick: You say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed. Morty: Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that! Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slow fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty.

Fourth, there's the question of who Dan even actually loves. Does he love Melissa, or Stacy, or neither of them? The Qareen takes Stacy's shape to kill him, which suggests he loves the babysitter, but he's also giving the babysitter the runaround and doesn't necessarily seem willing to commit to her. It seems more like he wants to have his cake in eat it too—get the benefits of his long-term relationship and life together with Melissa, while embroiling himself in a sex-filled affair with someone young and attractive, but who really doesn't come off as long-term partner material (thus our indications of his attempts to stall breaking up with Melissa). He also just... doesn't seem that broken up about Stacy's death.

Fifth, there's Melissa herself, who actually knows about Dan's affair but has kept quiet about it. The Qareen takes the shape of Dan to kill her, because her deepest darkest desire is for Dan to love her back. The Qareen itself is only appearing to all of them because, in a lovesick state, Melissa took a "love spell" from a witch that turned sour (the witch despises women who won't simply leave their cheating husbands, and devised the spell to punish the cheaters and the women who run back to them only for them to cheat again). Melissa wanted to make Dan love her again. But that also... makes me question if she actually loves Dan, or whether she just wants him. If you truly love someone, would you be willing to violate their consent like that—by forcing them to love you back when you believe they've fallen out of love with you?

What I'm saying is... I'm not sure anyone is actually seeing who they truly love. I don't think the Qareen can actually see who people really truly love. It only shows them their "deepest, darkest, desire". It shows them what they want at that exact moment in time—a fall into an illicit affair, a desire to force someone to love you back, or in the case of Amara, escape from captivity—from the prison your loved ones have trapped you inside. The Quareen captures—as Rick tells us—something fleeting and primal—just enough to lower the victim's defenses so it can rip out their heart.

Further, Dean himself vehemently rejects the idea that he loves Amara at the end of the episode, and there's a couple of things I'd like to touch on in this dialogue:

Dean: Honestly? You seriously think the sister of God is my deepest darkest desire? Sam: She isn’t? Dean: No! She can’t be! Sam: Why not? Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m… Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil? Dean: For starters, yeah. Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not. Dean: You know that I want her ass dead. Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it? Dean: Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that. I’m screwed man. We wanna kill the darkness. We need to kill the darkness. And I don’t think I can. I’m sorry to do that to you, ya know, but when it comes right down to it…

First, note the sign blinking "Non-Consensual" through this conversation. What Dean wants to do and his actions when he's actually in Amara's proximity are two very different things. This scares Dean, and it invokes the the memory of Melissa's love spell—her trying to force Dan to love her. Sam points to a severe power imbalance existing between Dean and Amara—implies that anything Amara wants Dean to do, she can likely make him do, and emphasizes that this isn't Dean'a fault or his choice. We get other nods toward the non-consensual element of Dean's connection to Amara in 11.06—how Amara seems able to resist how enthralled she is with Dean and still blast him into walls, but Dean can't lay a hand on her. In 11.13, I think we also get a subtle nod to the non-con angle with Dean going out looking to hook up the first day they're in town for the case, even though he just got lucky the night before and it was clearly a rough night. Sam points out this is unusual for Dean. Imo, this points to Dean trying to reassert control over who he is attracted to and who he shows desire toward.

So consider: "When it comes to this [your attraction to me], you can’t help yourself, so why fight it. Just give in."

Second, notice that Dean is ashamed. This also isn't the first time we've seen this. Dean tried to kill Amara in 11.06 and couldn't. He deflected then hid it when Cas pressed him on Amara getting away. He reiterates the shame he feels here by insisting it can't be true that he desires Amara because that would make him complicit, weak, and evil just for starters. I'm reminded of Dan hiding the nanny cam, only to show Dean the footage of him punching a hole through Stacy's chest, pleading with Dean to believe that it wasn't him when it's someone who looks exactly like him. Dean can't control what happens around Amara, but he feels implicated anyway—he hides in shame.

For these reasons, I think the most direct reading here is that Dean is ashamed of Amara being his "deepest, darkest, desire," and I think it's also possible that talk of "love" by Qareen!Amara is misdirection—false love for Amara (fleeting desire for what she represents) mispresented as real love. Of course, something can mean more than one thing, and I think there's many ways to play in the sandbox with this episode and this dialogue, but I do think the chief thing they wanted to emphasize in this episode was that Dean is scared of his connection to Amara, and that it isn't his choice, but Dean feels shame anyway (so much so that he hides it until this episode). Amara wants him to give into his desire, and the Qareen also wants him to (so it can kill him) and mischaracterizes what Dean feels as love just as it mischaracterizes what Stacy and Dan and Melissa all feel as love.

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

GOD i cant stop thinking about how weird it is that twilight was inspired by MCR which was inspired by 911. when everyone else was caught up in this aggressve patriotism as a form of defense and an excuse for violent bigotry, mcr said lets make something beautiful. lets make something that will let us heal. and then twilight and harry potter used to have this whole fandom feud, but ended up almost being two sides of the same coin. both deeply terrible and written by bigoted white women who either did nothing to amend for the damage her respective writing did, or actively tried to make it worse. and how they ended up sort of being married together by the creation of My Immortal, which is arguably a twilightified fanfic of harry potter, written by someone that absolutely worshipped gerard way. and how mcr was asked to make a song for the twilight soundtrack to which they said fuck you and instead made Vampire Money, a song about what itd be like if they succumed to capitalist greed and devalued their art by leaning into the edgy aesthetic beyond the end of its shelf life and whored out their emotions for profit. and then they broke up because it really Was killing them. and now theyre back. and then the WWWYf tour happened. and That happened. they turned it into an opportunity to make a giant fuck you to that selfsame concept, dressing up as a parody of what theyd have become if theyd done what the public wanted of them, if theyd stayed closeted and suicidal and become consumed by the addiction of selling that pain for profit. a point underlined by the contrast with how theyve been presenting themselves the past 3 months on their real tour, specifically gerard, and how specifically BECAUSE they took a hiatus, BECAUSE they didnt give into greed for more vampire money and didnt destroy themselves, they are alive today in order to be onstage now in front of us. awake and unafraid. a giant celebration of trans joy and affirmation and acknowledgement and love between them and us, their fans, specifically their trans fans. how they finished the WWWYf show with Vampire Money and no one in that crowd got it because no one in that crowd Would get it, and that perfectly crystalized their absolutely scathing point. and then on their real tour they made the more blatant but less serious reference by wearing a twilight shirt and talking about robert pattinson, just goofing off and having fun being gay, bc with us they finally can. and in the meantime, jk rowling has written a self insert cringe comp book longer than the fucking bible trying desparately to cling to relevancy and make herself out to be the victim in her own transphobia, desparately whoring out her bigotry for profit. and the fact that 50 shades of gray is just a twilight fanfic that caused 365 Days to get written and also kind of caused the normalization of fanfic getting turned into actual monetized netflix level media. but ofc its only okay when its cishet. the smut turned netflix series exuality is only acceptable when its straight. and its all toxic af!!! but somehow its fine that THATS plastered on every billboard!!! but the original queer people it was inspired by were shunned and shamed and now that theyre back from the dead, everyones trying to capitalize on their return. and they said go fuck yourselves!!!! and meanwhile the same type of people who hate us and them ARE succumbing to that greed, and theyre fucking floundering!!! just.i just. i. uGHGGGGGG

[bogusbyron]

Show notes from my double show day on 8th august 2024. 2nd show was largely very similar so any extra notes i took on that show are added onto the emds of the relevant scenes. Enjoy!!!

(Ignore the amount of times i mention jordan)

1) Stew snapping the book shut in the prologue real sharp will always make me giggle

2) fun little stolen time pause before stew delivers "do not forget me", makes it short and snappy (SHOW 2: stew threw the yellow slip so jvj would have to go collect it.)

3) valvert stare-down before javert's exit. Okay

4)  at this point i wrote "can't find harry. Worried" because i was scanning the ensemble for harry lake and he WASNT THERE mad as hell

5) verry good low note on "dirt beaneath" in the prologue .. milan❤ (SHOW 2: in that little bit when he steals the coin from the child they messed that the hell up girl you caught jackshit)

6) understudy bishop! Every other time ive been it was Adam Pearce . I think i prefer him but the u/s had a really nice rich voicr which i fw , not quite as deep as adam but i liked him. He was a lot more stern & firm as bishop, with bits like "remember this"  and "passion" being quite harsh.

7) valjean wincing when the bishop helps him stand (SHOW 2: when talking to the policeman after the robbery, valjean shakes his head at the bishop who then nods back at him. Heartbreakinf ohmy gyat)

8) "my life was a war" line being half-spoken, in a very distressed manner... quite liked that. Also he sobbed a bit after "allow this man" which got me in the feels.. let valjean cry 2024 (SHOW 2: harsh on "hate" in I had come to hate the world)

9) higher note on  "god above" which scratched the brain

10) jesus christ milan can hold a note . The whole "eye for an eye" crescendo drives me batty and milan does not disappoint

11) swallowed before "he told me that i have a soul" not sure if that was intentional like at all but considering his nervous delivery on future lines like "ill escape now" i thought it fitting

12) ENSEMBLE TIME🗣 tom is so hard NOT to spot, ginger ass hair. And also during At The End Of The Day he was hunched and staggering dramatically which made me giggle. Also bonnie langford spotted leftmost factory woman. Not important but i saw her. Also jordan was one of the workers and he cheers on the fight between fantine and the other woman but as soon as he sees valjean comes down the stairs he hurriedly goes back to looking busy writing at the desk. Again i giggled .

13) idk if its just me being stupid but katie's wig lookee different to how i remember it last time did she get a new one. ⁉️⁉️

14) "when i was young and unafraid" almost spoken.  Ate🗣

15) THE BRASS ON THE  I DREAMED A DREAM CRESCENDO UUUUGGGHHHHHHHHHH I ALWAUS GET GOOSEBUMPS ON "SHAME" UEGGGGHHH  goosebumps also on "i had a dream life would be"  katie's voice ao good ans clear ill go nuts

16)  i think jordan was the first  dude in lovely ladies  and he also got his arse  tapped by one of them so that was fun . It was harry lake last time but he really got his arse slapped like he stumbled offstage and everything

16) the woman with the hat in lovely ladies i forgot her actress' name but i LOVED her voice . I gotta know if she understudies anyone cause wowzer.

17) bambatabois was pissed as hell he was screaming his head off like a toddler

18) here i wrote "JORDAN POLICEMAN ON DA STAIRS🔥🔥🔥" handwrote the fire emojis and everything. He was playing one of the policemen and he climbed the stairs. I liked that

19) little fantine sob after javert says "i have heard such protestations" which BROKE my heart ohmy gah. Also katie always  eats the crescendo on "you let your foreman send me away"  that whole bit drives me crazy the music and strings bruh ohmy

20) javert's "monsieur le maire"  very curt and sharp almost a hiss which i dont think ive delivered like that before ? Looove snappy javert

21) like when i saw stew & milan on the 14th they have homo moment at the cart when javert holds valjeans bicep for far too long and his voice even goes up higher on "a memory stirs" as he stares into his eyes for Way too long

22) low note on "comes to court" which scratched the brain

23) valjean snatching his coat from javert LMFOAOAOO

24) his whole mini-monologue was so funny cause he was REALLY pronouncing his "k"s so it was just like  traCK🗣ed him down through thICK🗣 and thin. And to maK🗣e the matter certain theres the brand upon his sK🗣in. He will bend. He will breaK🗣 this time there is no mistaK🗣e

25) slight pauses between the last "i am damned" in who am i like  I. Am. Damned

26) i feel like milan is a lot more determined and deliberate and sure of himself as compared to chris' much softer and "mature"? valjean. Which i find interesting

27) katie somehow so good at singing even when "frail"  helloooooooo shes actually cracked  Get out

28) valjean so soft with fantine though  godbless she makes my heart ache. He had her face against her cheek which i thought sweet

29) CONFRONTATION SLIDE  HIIIIIIIT🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 GO STEWART

30) Valjean scoffing before "men like you can never change" made me giggle hes so sick of his shit

31) gay as fuck fight. Will never get over stewart's insane gagging coughing and whimpering when hes thrown to the ground after being strangled. What the hell. I have a slur to say (SHOW 2: as javert was knelt down in front of valjean (🧐), when he pulled back his fist to fight back it looked like he was about to punch valjean in the balls but luckily valjean knocked him oit before he could do this)

32) BONNIE LANGFORD🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 shes really witchy as mme thenardier kind of obsessed. I like her a lot . Her naturally high pitched voice creates a very interestinf tone when singing as mme thenardier which i LOOOOVE

33) when cosette asks her not to be sent out alone she kind of like steps back almost like shes afraid of cosette . Dont know whether this was fear or her being taken aback that cosette would reply but still made me laugh

34) JOOOOORDDAAAAAANN🗣🗣🗣 FUCK YALL KNOW ABOUT THE DUDE IN THE RED JACKET , hes the one who shouts  "over here landlord" or some shir and "this place has gone to hell" before the song properly starts. The WHOLE song he was such a delight to watch, hes so camp and did the gayest of walks and dances and whatever the fuck , ohmy god he was so funny . If anyone goes to see the show soon and jordans ensemble please watch our for him in master of the house, tall bloke in the hat and red jacket. You cant miss him hes camp as hell. Im obsessed with him deeply and i wish i couldve watched master of the house on repeat PURELY so i could see the bloke in the red jacket. (SHOW 2: he did a kind of silly gay walk in which he did the wallace (like from wallace and gromit) hands) Here are some doodles i did of him:

35) tom was on as thenardier BTW (ginger thenardier gang) i like the way he shakes his epaulettes on "content to be". I loved tom & bonnie's rapport as the thenardiers too, so good . Tomardier on top . They were dancing together and shit during the  chorus they were fun. Apparently thenardier put mme thenardier in a headlock at some point as well which is funny

36) bonnie did a little r roll on "regular voltaire". Not impoerant at all but i liked it. Also did a low note on "master and a half" which i also liked

37) kept the bit where mme thenardier says "where the fu" before realising valjean is there . And the bit where she sprays perfume up her skirt. Always a good gag (cause like i get it)

38) bonnie's pretending to be worriwd abt cosette was so good . Her comedy acting genuinely endearing and im hype

39) tom, like last time i saw him, goes really high pitched on "like our own, monsieur" which is SO funny god i love tomardier

40) on "treacherous people about" they kind of advance on valjean but then immediately cower away when he stands up to challenge them LMFAOAO

41) marius appears. Jac yarrow has a  GREAT voice , but Is he better than harry lake ? 🤫 maybe im just biased . Harrius sweep

42) jordan as claquesous (which is the only character of his that gets a name) is so funny . Hes swinging around his little corner of the set a lot . Swinging from the beams and shit. I do not  blame him id do the same

43) Ok first of all yaz eponine was AMAZING  her "ITS JAVERT!" is so chilling. Shes awesome godbless WHAT  a voice. Javert also keeping it curt and snappy and hissing "square"  in Another brawl in the square. Hilarious

44) i love the way tomardier tries to escape being held by the policemen on "HE'S ---! THE ONE YOU SHOULD  ARREST!" it always makes me laugh. Also voice crack on "chest" in Brand upon his chest. The way he and bonnie strut offstage after being freed is SO funny

45) OK TIME FOR THE STARS INFLECTION NOTES.  Sharp & curt on "there" which i dont usually hear. Soft on "fugitive". Pronounced "god" like  god-uh which was funny. Soft on "yield". Slight stolen time hold on "mine" ("is the way of the lord" as a result came out sharper). Soft on "scarce" rather than the usual hiss i hear. Dribbling a bit . Growled on "returns". VERY clear note on "bars". Sounded a bit like he struggled with "then" on Until then, but delivered as usual on the final Stars. Hoo boy go stew (2ND SHOW: only one i got was "exasperated "Always"" on  And is always the same. I cannot remember what i meant by this but usually my inflection notes are somewhat accurate so let ur imaginaton run wild)

46) for some reason i noted how gavroche had really long eyelashes. I have no idea if i was just seeing things or what but yeah

47) jac has really solid vibrato honestly . His voice is GREAT . I will refrain from comparing him to harry cause i think we all know how much i like him already . But i have things to say .

48) JORDAN UNNAMED STUDENT NO1 WITH THE GLASSES 😭😭😭😭😭😭 half moon glasses he ate that. Cafe scene started off with him arguing with enjolras which i thought funny. He seemed really prim and bitchy with i loooved, dont ask me what anyone else was doing for this scene cause my eyes did not leave him

49) grantaire shouting *YOU* talk of battles to be  won  while pointinf at enjolras made me giggle

50) jordan scoffing off to the side @ grantaire  as he starts playing catch with his bottle. Im obsessed with him. Maybe id be a les amis fan if he was there. Also he's the one who chimes in "OUR WORLD !🗣" so whatever

51) grantaire spinning around across the stage on "red" during marius' verse

52) jordan did NOT need to stand on that  chair at the red & black crescendo girl you are tall Enough

53) enjolras did a silly little "HA-HA!!" I think after "blaze in their eyes"

54) jordan helping move the big staircase setpiece during do you hear the people sing... hashtag stagehands represent BIG UP STAGE MANAGEMENT🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣💥

55) Lulu may not have my favourite voice ever but she is cute as  cosette i cannot  lie she does little toe bounces every now and then i like that .

56) milan had a little stray loose hair that fell over his face and i couldnt take my eyes off it

57) jac quite harsh on the "burst" in She has burst like the music which was fire. Spit yo shit marius

58) yaz has SUCH  powerful voice it was always so shocking everytime she sang GET HER ON PRINCIPAL NEEOOOWWW!!!!!!

59) marius did a little awkward ass wave to cosette after she comes out on the balcony to see her, like he just lifts his hand up a little, DIDNT EVEN SMILE? just ✋😦 looking slightly startled. So good. He also did a deep ass bow to her when she comes down which made me giggle

60) so jordan had like, a stick  as a weapon as claquesous in the attack on rue plumet and as he runs onstage he kinda fumbled with it. Whether this was intentional or not i dont know but regardless yes i laughed. (2ND SHOW: thenardier tries to get up onto the balcony twice, instead of the usual once. The first time, claquesous gets down on hands and knees like a stool. Thenardier steps on him and claquesous immediately collapses under the weight.)

61) i dont seem to remember this happening in other shows  does thenardier always hit eponine after "you'll scream alright"? Or am i insane. Because he did this show (2ND SHOW: marius blows a kiss through the fence to cosette before he runs off.)

62) YAZ DURING ONE DAY MORE BEUHHHH ohmy days.... so sosososoop good so strong... djavan also as usual strong, the way his voice always rips through the theatre is just amazing godbless (2ND SHOW: bonnie sticking her leg up in the air as she's carted off.)

63) JAVERT IN UNIFORM.......... WHERE THE FUCK IS BAKER BOY.......

ACT 2

64) Grantaire was kinda creeping up behind enjolras for whatever reason at some point. Was funny as hell

65) MILAN  LIKE PAUSES AND PULLS A FACE WHEN HES READING THE LETTER FROM MARIUS TO COSETTE BEFORE HE READS THE WORD "LOVE" WHICH REALLY MADE THE THEATRE GIGGLE 

66) Yaz was so delightfully gentle as Eponine i liked it . Made her powerful voice a lot more standout for me . As for on my own inflection: short on "silver" in Shines like silver. The string pickup as it builds up to the crescendo on "and i know its only in my mind" is always insane ohhumy gyat. Harsh on "the trees" in the trees are bare and everywhere. Harsh and almost spoken on the final "without me". The last crescendo was utterly gorgeous . Yaz eat yuor heart out❤

67) on jod theres usually fog for the barricade reveal. No fog this show. Disappointing..  i love fog

68) army general's bit .. as usual harsh on "you" which i like but i think he skipped a beat . Didmt note where but i remember there being a missed beat and it was a bit fast (2ND SHOW: this might have been for the 2nd attack but regardless, when theyre shouted to get down, jordan's student who was way downstage (audience) left he almost fell over when he went to kneel down . Very clumsy job there boss. Obsessed)

69) stew's baker boy matches jordan's now... last time i saw stew he was in brown. Hes in the green/red now ‼️⁉️

70) yaz's eponine seemed content to submit herseld and die in marius' arms which was so heartbreaking . The key up. Also voice break on "her name was" which made me want to punch a wall

71) gavroche hands marius eponines hat :-(((((

72) i think milan was struggling to get off the barricade he almost stumbled and had to be helped down ajdhdifhd

73) javert just kinda admitting defeat and slumping to his knees with a haunted look in his eyes ❤ getting his lapels grabbed until "youre free" will always fuck hard as well. Theway hes grabbing onto valjeans wrists though I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE (2ND SHOW: during drink with me milan and jordan were off to the side next to each other chatting away. Jvj starts to chug whatevers in his cup. Jordan goes to take the cup from him but jvj turns away so that he cant take it. Jvj alcoholism era. Additionally jvj puts his arm around jordan's character just before the final battle.... ouff... Here are some sketches i did of them:)

73) milan's vocal range is sooogood. His whole Bring Him Home just scrumptious. Plus the crescendo on the strings UGGHHHHHHH. It SOUNDED like he struggled a tad on that final "him" but Home came out GREAT ... godbless

74) final attack. I noticed jordan's student wedged away in the crevice to the (audience) left and everytime hed fire his gun hed turn away and scrunch his face up. Obsessed. I did NOT see where he died though. This tells me he did not actually die and hes alive and well❤

75) javert kissing the cross over gavroche 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 (i THINK valjean does this too earlier? Possibly he did this in the 2nd show)

76) tomardier holding the dead body's jaw and making it say "breath away from hell" in a stupid voice". He also did a silly posh voice on "thankyou sir im in your debt". "And god in his heaven" almost spoken i think. I alsofind it funny how he kicked over marius' body and stepped up on his arse

77) Javert seemed to almost miss & run past valjean ans marius LMFAAOOO i had a little giggle.

78) Jvj looking so sick of javert will never not be funny hes sooooo fucking done

79) I very much liked the slight distant stare like a moment of reflection before he sings "take him valjean!" adds a little to that bit i think. Yum. Thanks stewart

80) Soliloquy inflections.  "Who is this man/what sort of devil is he" GROWLED rather thsn the usual scream he does . Liked it i cant lie. He was quite shaky especially on "caught in a trap" which was LAAAVELY...... spat "back" in Gave me back my life . Harsh  on "mocked" which is always delightful to hear, a classic . Absolutely delectable tone shift  and becoming quite weak and almost croaky for "how can i now allow this man". He was even hoarse for "gave me freedom", and weak on "die as well". As per the Stewart Clarke Special there was a tremendous glob of spit escaping him on "sins"  in Shall his sins be forgiven . Absolutely delightful voice crack on "begin to doubt". Another glob of spit in "lost in shadow".  SUPER shaky "i am reaching". Yet another glob of spit on "stars are black". Low note on "escape now". And, as per, hit that shit (2ND SHOW: voice crack on "he" in "devil is he". Whimpered "gave me my life". Snarled "it was his right". Another glob of spit on "sins" like the first show. Whimpered "and must i now". Another glob of spit for "escape now".)

81) anyway , empty chairs time. Quite short on "on and on". Lovely and rich delivery of "never came" (thats a hard note to hit comfortably!).. again jac's vibrato was very notable to me !!!!! He delivered "phantom shadows" very upset like a half-sob. The following "empty chairs" very harsh. SHOUTED "don't ask me".

82) i liked his distant & haunted stare during every day ughhh mawius...

83) lulu as usual hitting those insane notes Go girl!!!

84) i really liked milan's acting during the confession - i personally preferred chris' performance but both absolutely stellar. His expressions were wonderfully desperate

85) i think someone (djavan?) almost missed their cue as ome of the servants during the wedding i saw them jogging onstage to help with the table LMFAOAOOO

86) if you didnt know already, bonnie langford does the splits when she curtsies when she appears. She also seems more interested in the drinks djavan servant has to offer than the plan to scam marius . She keeps trying to set thenardier right and then tiptoes off to take a swig of wine. Giggled

87) when marius tells them to go away thenardier turns around and says "for god's sake" LMFOAOAOAO

88) after thenadier is punched by marius (does his classic 270° spin) he falls over and gets stuck on his back, flailing around like a tortoise while mme thenardier cackles like a witch

89) they do the littlw pointy toe gay dance together hashtag true love (2ND SHOW: tomardier blowing a kiss at the lord.)

90) milan during the epilogue always heartbreaking he is wonderfully frail. Absolutely lovely  gentle low notes . He was almost sobbing on "on this page" which made me want to start killing. Sniffed before "its a story". Very shaky voice on "to my keeping". ... suicide tomorroeeeeee

BONUS) since i had nothing more to note down in the epilogue i drafted the next chapter of my fanfiction.

[homestuckreplay]

Shrinking Wormholes; Transferring Syllogism Twine

(page 134-137)

Homestuck is my worst enemy. These past couple days without updates left me time to transcribe the video on page 137, which took long enough that I never want to look at it again. Which is a shame, because it's a cool video, the shifting colors and the twisting spirograph are good to look at and I like the irregularity of the movement. And I do respect the attention to detail - the fact that Hussie took the time to write out 231 meaningless phrases about DIY and spread them unevenly throughout the video shows a real dedication to recreating the video game experience. It feels very real, I can sense the anticipation when the video gets stuck on a particular phrase for a full second, that feeling of just wanting to play the game but having to wait.

Below the cut at the end I've listed all the phrases in the video, but it's LONG, so be warned. I'm also not sure this was a good use of time, there's not loads here that seems relevant. We get a broad overall sense of the game, which seems to be a building/DIY simulator, maybe something like digital Lego, maybe something more like having to maintain a house day to day, perform repairs and give it 'upgrades' like new lighting or a new garage, as most of the nouns are tools you could buy in a Home Depot.

Here's a few exceptions that jumped out to me:

Observing Avenues, Analyzing Eyes - both of these relate to surveillance

Transferring Syllogism Twine, Auditing Nescience Passages - relate to knowledge/logic or the lack of it

Anticipating Gateways, Shrinking Wormholes, Referring Time Spools, Retrofitting Aesthetics Portals - these relate to time and space, perhaps to messing with the laws of physics

Transcribing Existence Rivets, Finalizing Atma Augers - relate to life and the soul

It's interesting to me how these phrases are hidden within a barrage of far more mundane ones. I think this game will seem on its surface to be very normal and simply a reflection of John's existing life, playing in a digital house not too different to his very real one, but that it has more and weirder stuff going on below the surface. The game will present opportunities to escape the trap of the suburbs in ways that John can't yet figure out in real life - but will be able to in the game, because he has experience with gaming and coding. It might take some mild hacking and exploiting loopholes in the mechanics, but these possibilities are clearly coded into the game, or they wouldn't be in the loading screen. It's a game that wants the players to push its limits and see what's possible, and rewards a player who tries to go beyond the mechanics as presented.

John's had a lot of practice messing with his sylladex for 130+ pages, and I think that's really going to pay off when he starts using a similar skillset in game. It's interesting, because most characters (or people) would have an arc of learning a skill in a game and then exporting it to real life, while I think John's going to have the opposite, with the supposed constraints of the game actually giving him freedom, and the supposed open world of real life just closing doors to him.

Anyway, no wonder TT is excited to play this game. I bet she's eating up all these long words.

Transcript of Flash animation, p.137. Spelling mistakes come from the original.

Transforming Soffits Reorganizing Keys Formalizing Immersion Joints Justifying Kick Extractors Advising Aggregates Managing Elbows Recasting Connectors Achieving Aluminum Trowels Officiating Disks Exhibiting Absolute Spigots Progressing Coil Hydrants Jerry-building Reflectors Informing Casters Inventing Rubber Hoists Performing Wrenches Judging Chalk Adapters Upgrading Ignition Paths Regrowing Flashing Recommending Ratchets Approving Barriers Sweeping Impact Fillers Sewing Mirrors Detailing Collectors Enforcing Measures Distributing Systems Presenting Plugs Interwinding Registers Piloting Ash Diffusers Gathering Cranks Supplying Eave Pockets Undertaking Scroll Stops Accelerating Straps Designing Fittings Protecting Diamond Boilers Logging Downspouts Correlating Shingles Uniting Mallets Qualifying Electrostatic Lifts Sharing Clamps Obtaining Circular Fluids Ranking Foundation Gauges Sensing Miter Brackets Originating Space Networks Translating Drills Regulating Guards Selecting Gable Padding Utilizing Pellet Dowels Reconciling Artifacts Altering Pulleys Shedding Space Filters Determining Vents Representing Mortar Remaking Flash Rakers Supporting Funnels Typecasting Rotary Chocks Expressing Junctures Resetting Auxiliary Vises Professing Strip Treads Inlaying Matter Trowels Questioning Drivers Forming Edge Fittings Sketching Blanks Overshooting Spark Breakers Rewriting Controls Playing Tunnels Inventorying Buttons Enduring Joist Handles Effecting Ratchet Bibbs Unwinding Couplings Forsaking Vapor Conduits Defining Sockets Calculating Heaters Raising Grids Administering Tiles Measuring Resources Installing Ignition Remotes Extracting Corners Manufacturing Ventilators Delegating Consoles Treating Mounting Stones Enacting Jig Deflectors Intensifying Alloys Improvising Cargo Pinpointing Bobs Prescribing Arc Masonry Structuring Metal Chocks Symbolizing Lathes Activating Plumb Kits Adapting Coatings Fixing Channels Expediting Cordage Planning Compressors Enlisting Hangers Restructuring Keyhole Augers Shearing Ridge Hardware Collecting Reciprocating Bolts Maintaining Corrugated Dimmers Whetting Hole Collars Conducting Mandrels Comparing Assets Compiling Sealants Completing Paths Composing Equivocation Wheels Computing Dampers Conceiving Electrostatic Treatment Ordering Cotter Grates Organizing Ties Orienting Ladders Exceeding Materials Targeting Thermocouples Demonstrating Emery Stock Expanding Latch Bases Training Wardrobe Adhesives Overcomming Fasteners Streamlining Storm Anchors Navigating Springs Perfecting Turnbuckles Verifying Gate Pegs Arbitrating Arithmetic Lifts Negotiating Outlets Normalizing Strips Building Surface Foggers Checking Key Torches Knitting Grinders Mowing Planers Offsetting Stencils Acquiring Bulbs Adopting Rivets Observing Avenues Ascertaining Coaxial Grommets Slinging Wing Winches Instituting Circuit Generators Instructing Wicks Integrating Pry Shutters Interpreting Immersion Lumber Clarifying Coils Classifying Wood Bits Closing Cogs Cataloging Matter Strips Charting Holders Conceptualizing Push Terminals Stimulating Supports Overthrowing Shaft Spacers Quick-freezing Connectors Unbinding Ground Hooks Analyzing Eyes Anticipating Gateways Controlling Proposition Rollers [blank bar momentarily]

Converting Power Angles Coordinating Staples Correcting Benders Counseling Joist Gaskets Recording Gutter Pipes Recruiting Drains Rehabilitating Rafter Tubes Reinforcing Washers Reporting Guard Valves Naming Freize Sprues Nominating Rings Noting Straps Doubling Nailers Drafting Circuit Hoses Dramatizing Flanges Splitting Framing Compounds Refitting Stems Interweaving Patch Unions Placing Sillcocks Sorting Slot Threads Securing Mode Cutters Diverting Catharsis Plates Procuring Load Thresholds Transferring Syllogism Twine Directing Switch Nuts Referring Time Spools Diagnosing Knobs Discovering Locks Dispensing Hinges Displaying Hasps Resending Arc Binders Retreading Grooves Retrofitting Aesthetics Portals Seeking Stocks Shrinking Wormholes Assembling Blocks Assessing Divets Attaining Lug Boxes Auditing Nescience Passages Conserving Strikes Constructing Braces Contracting Saw Catches Serving Instantiation Irons Recognizing Fluxes Consolidating Fuse Calipers Mapping Shims Reviewing Chop Groovers Scheduling Lag Drives Simplifying Hoists Engineering Levels Enhancing Tack Hollows Establishing Finishing Blocks Estimating Adhesives Evaluating Mortar Examining Auto Turnbuckles Processing Foggers Servicing Avenues Transcribing Existence Rivets Revising Consoles Separating Absolute Stencils Budgeting Sheet Grommets Preparing Kits Realigning Cartesian Mandrels Painting Fasteners Filing Grout Hangers Finalizing Atma Augers Formulating Couplings Identifying Sillcocks Imagining Materials Inducing Shutters Influencing Wheels Licensing Chocks Lifting Extrinsic Mallets Overdrawing Ratchets Overlaying Ventilators Overriding Cardinal Soffits Specifying Element Aggregates Systemizing Divets Shaping Pockets Publicizing Aether Remotes Governing Archetype Dimmers Monitoring Assets Launching Manifestation Systems

[edwardsissyhandsthtdanceslikeabb]

i feel like i'm slowly linking pretty much all of my banger shows to generational trauma (i.e bojack, succession, invincible) or some otherwise maladaptive response to the often totalitarian shaping that children who have been parasitized by vicarious idealizations suffer — however, as i've come to realize that the bear (a show i made a previous meta on when i sort of scented this notion but couldn't really articulate it), embodies this in a completely transformative way.

the bear may be about generational trauma, and though this initially sounds counterintuitive, it's not a show about carmy's generational trauma, its a show of camy's generational trauma.

the show doesn't explore the ways carmy's been wrecked, it moreso uses them to give character to his dysfunctions, to help the viewer see corporeal manifestations of the chaos brewing inside of him. the fanfare of carmy's life is the bear, its all the bombast and theatre of life's torture porn tendencies looming over his shoulder and rotting the floorboords and having its poison drip through, it's all the regrets and flashes of shame and brokenness slowly clawing through anything good in his life bc good things are brittle and unpredictable and detract from his value as a person, the utility he's found in being untouchable and cold and practically mechanical, and the way that makes one feel like all of the suffering was worth it.

it's carmy letting his internalizations of imperfection, from his family, his relationships, himself, his life, dictate what should define him. carmy circumventing feelings of helplessness with compulsive, neurotic control, aiming to undo the damage that chaos wrought through obsessive perfection.

its him eviscerating the [personal] value of his deep need and capacity for autonomy and forgiveness and peace, by reinforcing the same parasitic paternalisms he was fleeing from in the first place.

its him going from his mom to his mentor chef.

its him becoming what destroyed his chances to be human, destroyed his chances to be him. his own person, with individual purpose and intrinsic meaning and happiness.

that sort of self-dehumanization is what carmy is dripping into syd. like yes they have similarities, i'm not trying to deny that, but i feel like the 3rd season, especially the last episode, highlighted why syd x carm wouldn't be an optimal or even relevant consideration for their current dynamic, and that's bc carmen sees sydney as an extension of himself. she's all the things that validate his: maybe this is worth it, maybe i'm supposed to be a chef, its actually okay that i'm not functional bc now i get to be useful and revered and mean smth in the world and i'm no longer weak and useless deadweight.

now, now, i've proved myself, i've embodied the predetermined mould, i've surpassed it. i've become real, finally claimed autonomy.

its him seeing their similarities as reason to mould her in turn, as the only thing she needs. carmen reducing himself to apparatus and so reducing her in turn.

its a perversion of empowerment, accessing control through wielding it against others.

with syd exhibiting certain tendencies bc carmy spurs them from her. like sydcarm both having panic attacks, both being hyperfocused on stains, carmy wanting a star, not just bc syd acts as the northstar of his craft but bc he wants to prove himself. he wants to be excellent too. or them both snapping at softer, caring figures like tina when frustrated. its sydcarm degrading others under stress, sharing memories of hostile bosses, bosses who didn't appreciate them, whose mentorship was selfish with care and dignification and belief — made them feel small and claustrophobic and marginalized by one's own worst traits - by dysfunction willingly embraced.

and now you want out but you're also ambitious like syd, or proud like carmy, and its your pull to chaos vs your pull to happiness splintering you. now anything good is just a cruel fleeting thing that reminds you of what you won't let yourself have. now, people can only try reach out to the bear, coax it.

enter claire, who often gets flack for being a manic pixie dream girl and unrealistic, but when dealing with carmy, she revealed smth very primal in him, was palliating wounds he's let fester into core beliefs. like think abt it, claire is gentle, and claire treats carmen like he is gentle, fragile, she affirms his worth constantly and perpetually reassures him, whether intentional or not, claire aims to soften his wounds, aims to coax him out of his armor. she recognizes the depth residing in carmy, that the bear is equally damaged as it is brilliant, yet senses that a lot of that was mangled by malignance and flagellation. she attempts to let the bear shed his skin, remember who he is again. that someone cares abt him, both the chef and the boyfriend, the professional and the life of the party, he's allowed to have both. him the prodigy, the baby lamb. but claire spent so much time nursing the deer, by the time her own interiority could have room for growth, carmy had already cut her off, the sheep back in bear's clothing.

claire is the desperate attempt to reach someone backfiring completely, the incongruence between want and need, and how this can destroy you from the inside.

and the funny thing is that, neither claire nor the bear are carmy's actual need, when — beyond a gf not being able to fix carmy — he still kicks and screams at love and care despite desperately needing them. he's still the one who overindulged in the perfect patience of claire's love and validation, yet spurned it over how incapable and human it made him feel, still didn't want to lose control of himself, his personhood, his value.

he's still trying to imbue this same perfection into those closest to him in the kitchen, still insulating himself in that headspace, a wounded animal ensnared by a deathtrap, the bear stuck in his own freezer on his debut day.

its a trap that kills, and as carm embraces his confines, they throttle harder in turn, capturing those reaching for him in their rot.

it started with donna and passed down to carmen (who sought it in his mentor) and is dripping into syd. into richie, into claire, its carmen cultivating dysfunctions in all those beholden to him, dependent on his guidance, support or love.

its beyond generational, its a malignance, a pathogen, and although carmen may not realize how his conflation of perfection and value are lethal to him, its smth slowly killing nonetheless, mauling the warmth and love and soul of the kitchen, just as it slowly kills it in him. the bear killing the bear.

[catgirl-catboy]

"I dont support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

Then why write about it? Because I want to. Why I want to is a very personal question.

If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume?

To get feedback of my writing, which is a social activity! If your logic is that a predator might enjoy something, then there's no ethical way to create.

And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life?

I don't read smut. I barely write smut. This is an unfounded assumption. Also, that is using the slippery slope fallacy. There are many things in fiction I write about that I don't condone in real life, such as murder, abuse, graphic bodily harm, and child endangerment.

The assumption that people condone shit they read and write about is kind of weird to me, mate.

You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones?

Yes, even though I've only had a handful of underage fictional crushes since I've turned 18. (Miu Iruma, currently.)

In 90% of cases, teenaged fictional characters look, are voiced by, and act like adults. The narrative treats them as adults. If a character's age isn't directly relevant to the plot, why care about it?

Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not?

A very good question! The answer is because a real child is harmed, while a fictional one isn't. Paedophilia isn't bad due to the fact its gross (and I do find it gross.), its bad because someone gets hurt!

The only time fictional characters get hurt, is when we authors/readers IMAGINE them getting hurt. All harm done is imaginary.

Furthermore, I really dislike you using 'looks like a child' here. Thats body shaming, since there is a large portion of adults that happen to look like children. A lot of disabled people are also infantilized for similar reasons. Looks have nothing to do with the morality of an act.

Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

Here are my ao3 warnings. My ao3 is SHSL_Angstlord if you'd like to make sure I'm not lying. When you accuse someone of being a predator, the burden of proof is on you to provide actual evidence.

[centrally-unplanned]

i’d be really interested in your thoughts on GRR Martin’s latest blogpost going at the HotD writers and showrunners

(Spoilers for all of the Dance of Dragons)

I went to look, not knowing it was out, and it was fucking deleted! That promises some spice, fortunately you can't escape the Internet Archive if you are a name as big as GRRM. So let's see what we got...

Ah, I see why it was deleted:

In Ryan’s outline for season 3, Helaena still kills herself… for no particular reason.  There is no fresh horror, no triggering event to overwhelm the fragile young queen

GRRM!! You can't leak script details!! That is definitely somewhere in your contract. Very minor of course, but still, if you made me bet this line got him a call from the PR rep at HBO. Anyway, onto the meat of the post.

So to summarize he outlines two points: one is the removal of the "Sophie's choice" plot with Blood & Cheese's murder of Aegon/Helaena's child, and the other is the butterfly effect of removing their third child, Maelor, whose later death triggers Haelena's suicide and other events at King's Landing. I see where GRRM is coming from but overall I think he is a bit too beholden to the trees of his story to see the forest here?

First, Blood & Cheese: in the "book", the two assassins find Helaena and her two sons, and to fulfill their mission of "a son for a son" make her choose which one they will kill. She chooses the younger Maelor, and then they kill the older Jaehaerys instead, and mock/shame her with the knowledge that she chose to kill the surviving child. In the show this doesn't happen - Helaena's "choice" is about identifying which of her two children is the boy, which honestly is dumb. The show should have just cut the "choice" angle (watching your son be murdered is trauma enough), or make it instead some actual choice, like her giving up her son's location to spare her own life or something. GRRM is right to say the book scene is more coherent.

However! The book scene is also...just Sophie's Choice? The 1982 film starring Meryl Streep? Like it is...exactly what happens in that film, beat for beat. That is now so famous as to be its own trope? It isn't a twist or a play on the concept, it is just the concept ported in wholesale. And to be clear, in the "book" that is fine. Because the "book" isn't a book; it's a chapter in a history retelling, it is like 40 pages long, this event is maybe two paragraphs. In something like that, a little bit of a nod to a famous movie is fine, right? The scene isn't relevant or big enough to require a bespoke identity.

But in a 4 season TV adaptation of that ~40 page story, these scenes are way bigger. This moment is very "drama central" in the episode. And I don't know...I kind of think a 1-for-1 copy of the Sophie's Choice plot would be, hm, a little weak? Like I might roll my eyes a little bit watching it, now that it is front and center. I can't say Condall was thinking that - GRRM mentions things like budget & hiring child actors for the change, totally valid concerns ofc. But it would be my instinct as Condall, and I also maybe wouldn't want to say that directly to GRRM if that is what I was thinking lol. So I think Condall had the right idea to try to give the scene a unique "twist", even if he failed on the execution.

As for the butterflies, GRRM is concerned that removing Maelor will have distinct consequences down the line that can't be undone, a "butterfly effect". And to not beat around the bush, he is being stubborn here - in real life you can't control butterfly effects, but stories are fictional. You can bend the currents of destiny to your will. Helaena can have other reasons to commit suicide (her relationship with Aemond is already fuel for that), and she isn't that important of a character, you can have other reasons the townsfolk turn against Rhaenyra.

And those reasons are already going to be different, they have to be, because in the TV show Rhaenyra is the good-natured protagonist; in the books she is a cruel tyrant. The butterflies are already here to roost; you can't hold sacred to any of these plot points, the show is too different from the books. As an artist you have the power to figure that out, and while canon is very important it can't rule all, not this far down the river of changes at least. It is the same with those other changes he hints towards at the end of the essay; of course there are changes at the end, they changed the beginning!

At one point he mentions that you can't replace Maelor's death with her daughter Jaehaera dying, because:

Jaehaera can’t be killed, she has a huge role to play as Aegon’s next heir.

And, no? No she doesn't. GRRM what are you talking about, no she doesn't! She is married off to Aegon III as part of the piece deal and then kills herself a few years later out of grief over her family at the age of 10. This is a minor plot beat, this can easily be changed. You gotta kill your darlings man. If they wanted to do this swap they totally could.

All that said, I myself love the death of Maelor at Bitterbridge; it is one of the peaks of the Dance's theme of the way war makes monsters of its participants. A town of smallfolk, split between blacks and greens and fear of reprisals from both sides, spirals out of control and tears the child apart in the fight. It is a great scene in the books and I would be sad to lose it. Though with only 4 seasons of runtime, and after the way they burned sunlight wastefully in Season 2? You gotta cut some stuff, and I can't blame them for trimming side stories like these.

But I do, truly, get why GRRM is upset at these changes. It is just very hard to separate yourself from the things you create like this. I really don't expect that of him; for that reason this critique is quite a soft one.

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Had a weird nightmare about a cult

It was in a church, just an average protestant midsized church, you would expect boy scout meetings in the backroom kind of a place. I was there with some anonymous friend/ acquaintance, the pretty older girl from high-school who was popular and yet genuinely nice, her mom is friends with your mom, her family is well known and well liked, offending her would be social suicide not because of anything she would do but because everyone you know would take her side and grant her victim status because she's just so nice.

She had invited me to some function and I was going out of curiosity and obligation, which is the only reason I'm ever in a church anyways. I was guaranteed to know people there, in the same roundabout, you-know-people-I-know kinda way.

Because its about to be relevant, I'm wearing skinny jeans and a sort of blousey black tank top. I've also got black nail polish and thats a fully normal irl outfit for me. Maybe a bit casual for a Sunday-best style church function, but I was not under the impression that's what I was going to.

I show up and am promptly ushered into the coat closet because what I am wearing is completely unacceptable. (I'm calling it a coat closet because that's what it is, but the churches in my area all have a full sized room set aside for outerwear storage because for half the year everyone shows up in a full down parka and that takes up a ton of space)

Anyway, I'm like, "oh shit I didn't realize this was formal, I can run home and change if its okay that I'm a few minutes late, or if someone has a spare dress I'll wear that" which is also something I have done irl. No one ever tells me anything but I'm small and can cinch down big waistlines and make it look intentional that I'm wearing wildly misfit clothing. So like, the dream is getting weird but in the same way that my real actual life gets wierd.

So then she hands me what is fundamental the same thing I'm already wearing, a pair of slightly darker wash skinny jeans that are slightly higher waisted and with more spandex and buttons, and a black polyester/lycra cropped tank top, which is a shirt I've been looking for irl. And she's apologetic about it, as in, "sorry 😞, hope these fit, 😔 might be a little small"

It's a transparent body shaming attempt, because everything is a xs or a size zero, and meant to make you feel uncomfortable and ungainly in too small clothes, but its so badly executed that I just kinda roll with it, like, okay 🤨. Also I like the tank top.

So I change, and she's finding me a bag to stash my clothes in, and some dude sticks his head in the coat closet as I've got one leg in the new pants. And the whole thing feels so very staged, like I'm supposed to be embarrassed about squeezing into too tight pants in front of some acquaintances hot older brother. Either that or my brain is trying to set up some bad porno wet dream and none of the options are working.

Because the pants fit fine and if you have somehow reached adulthood and are scandalized by the sight of a thigh you're the wierd one for being raised under a rock by blind snakes. So I'm figuring out how to fit my phone and wallet into my waistband because these pants don't have pockets and trying to remember whats-his-faces name, I'm almost certain it starts with a j and I've definitely heard it before but I can probably get away with claiming I mixed him up with someone else and not be considered rude, Jacob? Jason? Jeremy? Jed? Oh wait, is he somebody's boyfriend rather than somebody's brother?

But now he's holding my hand and tut-tuting over my nails because I absolutely cannot have black nails, and wouldn't I prefer a nice dusty pink?

At which point I think I kinda woke myself up because the no rice on Tuesdays tactic of high control groups popped into my head, by name, as that specific phrase, and I went "hmm, yep, this is weird, gimme my shit I'm leaving"

But that only conjured up the first girls mom, complete with a really nice travel duffle with my clothes in it. So I'm yanking my clothes out of the bag, because if I take the bag and leave they're going to want it back and that gives them another opening for things they think you owe them. Anyways shes dissapointed in me, in that performative manipulation kinda way. She says something like if I wanted her daughters shirt I can just have it, heavily implying that I'm causing a scene and being an unreasonable bitch, at which point it occurs to me that it's fucking wierd that they have clothes this small at all because everyone in the building is at least 6 inches taller than I am.

Whats-his-face is still hovering and now he's got a hand on my shoulder thats meant to be reassurance and all I can think is wow you guys are really bad at this. I can hear people in the next room and I know they're people like, my grandparents friends and prospective employers and other important social connections and I need to get out of here without making a scene, which isn't gonna happen.

At some point I said Jesus Christ in the context of a frustrated curse word, which they all jumped on and said I needed to let the lord into my heart or some shit. To which sleepytime subconscious responded to with CAUSE A SCENE AND CONTROL THE NARRATIVE!!!

So I raised my voice loud enough to be heard in the other room and told the guy to get his hands off me or I would punch him in the dick. And because no one believes you when you tell them you're going to punch them in the dick he did not take his hands off me and was calmly and rationally requesting that I calm down and be civil so I followed through and punched him in the dick.

Committing physical violence in a dream always wakes me up, pretty much immediately, but I did get a few glimpses of storming out through a crowd, yelling about entitled pricks in closets and if anyone ever felt like leaving the cult I would give them a hand.

So yeah. What's your religious trauma look like?

[genericpuff]

ULO user here! I recently went back and found several old comments I'd made on LO while I was a huge fan of it in 2019.. so embarassing looking back lol. You mentioned that you used to send a bunch of "fangirl" messages back in the day- would love to see your old thoughts/opinions back when you loved LO to compare as a fun(if a bit melancholic) journey, if you'd be willing to share a few? Your thoughts/analysis are always amazing, but I'm super curious as to how you felt back before you realized what a shitshow it was

Haha yeah, I was a fangirl in the sense of like... always being on time for new updates, even if I was out doing other things, messaging my real life friend who got me into the comic to talk about it. Back then Saturday was the height of my week, sometimes the cliffhangers would get me so excited I'd spend the entire week thinking about what could happen next. I suppose I do still look forward to Saturdays now, but for much different reasons.

It's a lil' shameful looking back but I did used to be one of those "don't like it don't read it" dickheads LOL I also used to "not see the issue" with the age gap thing, not because I was okay with age gaps, but as someone who tends to write about immortal beings, I followed the same line of thinking that "they're gods, it shouldn't matter", until I realize just how silly it was that if that were the case, the comic wouldn't be constantly calling out the age difference and drawing Persephone to look as young as possible. I had to really sit on LO for a long time before I started seeing the issues with it. Ironically what opened my eyes to it was lurking in the #antiloreolympus hashtag every now and then, I'd be reading the opinions like "these opinions suck! they don't get it! they're just being nitpicky/mean/etc.!" and yet I duped myself by doing just that because it exposed me to other points of view which became more and more relevant as the comic declined in quality. I think it was around the trial arc that I started to notice the holes (one of the big tells for me that maaaybe LO didn't know what it was doing was when Persephone chose Hades to be her lawyer despite him being one of the judges and someone she was romantically involved with, like hello?) and then when the series returned from its mid-season hiatus and skipped right over Persephone's time in the Mortal Realm, that was when I realized the criticisms weren't coming from nowhere and I got off the high horse and started to read their points with more of an open mind.

Of course, I can safely say I wasn't as shitty as some of the stans can be, most of my opinions were just in the weekly discussion threads in the LO sub, but I was still giving my opinions on LO as if it was a Canvas comic, failing to recognize that 1.) just because webcomics are a budding industry doesn't mean they should be exempt from criticism, and 2.) LO isn't anywhere near the same level as Canvas, it's a #1 NYT best selling book with a creator who's won awards, so it absolutely should be subject to criticism and analyzing as LO is representing that same budding industry in a lot of ways.

I'm trying to find stuff from my pre-ULO days but unfortunately nothing from my main profile is loading past the last 9 months LMAO But if I do find any specific examples I'll definitely post them so we can roast past me together (*≧︶≦))(￣▽￣* )ゞI definitely remember back when ULO was created, it came at a perfect time I think LOL

[desultory-novice]

~Vague, Sad, No Real Ending Stream of Conscience-esque Magoland Branch AU Prelude Marxolor Script-Format Thingy~

[Because shouldn't the Master Crown still be in control of Magolor?]

-

:Mago-Soul exits the rift, arrives in hell: Marx: "Huh? What the hell are you...?" :sniffs him: Marx: "That magic... Is that you, Magolor...?" Crown: "You know my host?" (...help...it hurts...aah...please...stop...) Marx: "Host? You're the crown he was always talking about?" "Then...that voice, whispering. That's the real him, isn't it?" Crown: "Whispering to you. Inside, he's screaming. Constantly." "You could hear it too, where I not keeping him submerged." Marx: "...Let him go."

Crown: "He and I are one. Without me anchoring him to life, the last gasping remains of his soul would wither away into dust.” (...I can't see...I can't move...Kirby...help me...please...help...) “Or are you asking me to kill him?" 

Marx: "Fine. Then give Magolor control back." Crown: "Why? Do you also delight in the screams of others?"

:Marx lifts his claws:

Marx: "...Because I'll destroy you if you don't." Crown: "You're barely capable of holding yourself together." Marx: "At least MY two halves aren't fighting each other."

Crown: "...Destroy me and you would kill him too." Marx: "Yeah. And?"

Crown: "Are you that sadistic that want you to watch him claw, scratch and bite himself like a trapped animal in a vain attempt to remove the unremovable? To see him writhe and thrash each time my roots twist at him from within?” 

“...Or do you honestly think you'd be saving him? Giving him mercy by having my consciousness slumber in his place?"

:Marx just stares, broken jewel glowing:

Crown: "To think, I'd find a 'hero' in hell. It is almost a shame my host clings on to life. Your puerile soul isn't fit to be king, but the WICKED I could do with someone as devoid of compassion as you."

Marx: "I don't care about Magolor's pain or your ambitions." "But I've got a LOT of time to kill here and, even screaming his head off, Magolor'll be a more interesting conversation partner than you."

Crown: "Hmph...You know, I do what I do to my hosts to live. To serve the purpose I was created for. But you? You torture souls solely for your own selfish needs." "Enjoy him, then. You monster."

Magolor: "--AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Marx: "Magolor! Magolor!!" Magolor: "KIRBYIMSORRYPLEASEICANTSEEICANTMOVEICANT" Marx: "Magolor, stop... :huff: ...flying in circles!" "...Ugh, I can't keep up with you like this..."

Magolor: "...Marx...?" "Where are you...? Where did you go?! It still hurts.” “My head... It's still--!!" Marx: "Stop fidgeting! I'm right next to you."

Magolor: "Where are we...?" Marx: "...We're high up on a hill." Magolor: "Where are we?" Marx: "...You can see the sun burning bright against the horizon." Magolor: "...Where...?" Marx: "....You’re sitting next to me, looking out across the cliffs."

Magolor: “...Marx...” Marx: “...”

>”A Beautiful Sunset”

-

-

-

Notes: If you’ve read the Branch AU ending already, then there's probably a question in your mind about whether the crown was bluffing to Marx about removing it killing Magolor. It's possible Kirby et al were able to break it because a) Magolor’s soul was starting to heal enough to sustain existence on its own or b) he lived because they only partially removed it

Or because it's been a while since I thought about the Branch AU, and I just wrote this as a spur of the moment thing without thinking too hard about it because I was in the mood for some Marxolor cough cough.

Links to the rest of the mini-series:

Part 1″A Beautiful Sunset” Part 2 “The Sun Never Sets” Part 3 “Screams of Joy” Part 4 “Visitors” Part 5 “A Perfect Circle”

Relevant: “Conditional”

Prologue: “Selfish Needs” [You Are Here]

[socialprawn]

OUGH. That design for the tremere is kind of mid but tbh it just. Looks like a design from a modern game. I think part of what makes the original vtmb the way it is is because it is so much a product of its time. It was based on lore and books from revised edition vtm (1998) so it was already a bit lagging in terms of aesthetic and ideologies, and it has that intense 90s/2000s feeling to it. I also read an interview with the composer Rik Schaffer and he said that he couldn’t have made that soundtrack at any other point in his life. I’m sure whatever he’s doing for the sequel will be different but amazing, but again, it’s been 20 years, you know? It’s all different.

I just wanted to weigh in and say that it’s unrealistic for people to think a game from the 2020s is ever going to feel the same, I guess. These people who are like ugh they should just SCRAP IT are wild to me. That’s so much work and care and time put into a project that would go to waste! We don’t know what it will be like in the end. It’s set in a different place and time, and I don’t know if they’re keeping it in revised’s lore and setting overall or if this is fifth edition vtm, but either way- some people who liked vtmb are going to hate it. And that’s okay tbh! as someone who loves both vtm as a ttrpg and vtmb, I’m just hopeful that it’ll be fun.

In my head I'm mostly thinking... VTMB1 exists so I can just enjoy it over and over again. If something exists that will make other ppls happy then who am I to say anything :V

However, as a very loyal VTMB fan, I feel like I can criticize the long awaited sequel by the fact that is not living up to its counterpart. I feel like the aesthetics & roleplay elements of VTMB can be relevant to this day and the game itself is a cult classic, so VTMB2 feels like it's trying to convert into mainstream, which feels disappointing to ME. But again, I don't know the vibes of VTM outside of VTMB to really know how WoD culture is like, and I don't know much about v5, which is why I decided to step down. I got my own vamp story anyways, I'm playing barbie just fine 😂

Also I read that Rik is not doing the soundtrack anymore, I hope that's not true dawg :V I have full faith in him. Admittedly the soundtrack of the announcement was too 'imagine dragons', which surprises me. From my perspective, VTMB felt like an exploration of the underground, which still exists today, which is why everything has taken me off-guard. I suppose if I were director I would have taken VTMB elder PC on a different approach 🤓

Dese my 2 cents. I don't want VTMB2 to be cancelled there's so much hard work put in the game that it's just a shame to think like that. Some people feel they didn't get what they wanted, that's finee. Others enjoy it, super cool. If the game is good I'll be more than happy about it for real 🌞

[oniondraws]

Ik it's a bit(very) late but-

About the ending of the moon revolution finale, I don't like the ending, like it was disappointing for me, before you go attack me I wanna explain-

Maybe bc I had high expectations for it since how hyped up it was but the ending felt a bit off

Like there was so much buildup and then suddenly some characters burst out of nowhere in the middle of the drama then somehow fix everything with a simple "good message" like Pluto and Charon werent even there during the genuine planning of the moon revolution, they just came outta nowhere.

Pluto and Charon werent even explaining that well, it sounded like two teachers trying to teach their kindergarteners basic human decency using themselves as examples(or them using the power of friendship to stop a war), not two characters trying to help fix a giant War by convincing everyone to try to be more peaceful with each other by using themselves as examples(now that I've said it it sounds kinda weird💀).

Like don't get me wrong I understand that the ppl working on it were probably tired and rushing but I feel that the drama should've been fixed by a very important character like earth, titan or even Ganymede, not characters who weren't even apart of it untill the end.

Plus we didn't even see the part where triton actually meets the two, where we could see how they would interact after not seeing each other in years, he just says "who are you?" In a previous EP and then at the end Pluto and Charon just appear.

I get that it shows Pluto finally feeling important after becoming a dwarf planet but I feel that it should've been in the dwarf planet videos or even its own arc instead of randomly being in the moon revolution arc which, is about MOONS, not dwarf planets, even if you could talk about triton who was a big part of the moon revolution arc, even if he used to be a dwarf planet, he's still a moon.

Even after all that, this is not hating on the show in general, infact it is one of my fav shows, I am very aware that the people working on it out so much passion and love into making this for all of us, this is simply my opinion of the ending of the moon revolution, I'm just not that satisfied with how the moon revolution ended, because it felt rushed to me, either that or I just like very chaotic endings lmao, anyways how that I'm done, I'm gonna disappear bai-

(also I'm aware all of this is a simple "Pluto and Charon came out of nowhere" but I have a bit more, I just didn't want this to turn 10 paragraphs long lol)

if im being honest, i agree with you.

because lets be real...

the ending was just, unsatisfying. you would expect someone relevant such as titan, Ganymede, earth, hell luna would've made a great candidate explaining how their orbit around earth is one of the reasons why life exists on it. luna would've proven a point on how moons are important and he and earth are an example. the whole revolution was about providing moons are not the underdogs of the planets they orbit.

then pluto and Charon bust in and say "we are equals, we don't control the other" (or something like that, haven't watch the moon revolution in a long time) and suddenly, everyone just agrees...?

the problem with the moon revolution is ending and how it was presumably "solved"

i think the team should've used at least Luna as an example, because it would prove that moons ARE relevant no matter how big or small. Earth and his moon, luna, should've been the answer because luna keeps his earthlings alive by just being there. plus you could've thrown in some moon facts too how the moons are special in their own way. it would've been educational and fits in with the whole moon centric story (a great opportunity too)

of course i am not shaming or slandering the creators and team, of course not!

i just feel like they could've used a better ending than using pluto and Charon to fix the whole revolution. since Solarballs have made an oath to make long form videos instead of the good ol' short snappy educational ones we all used to watch and love, it makes sense that they've probably used pluto and Charon to make up their little screen time and satisfy some people. going back to your point, they are probably burnt out plus they work on the videos weeks before their deadline so they probably have other projects they've been working on for the future.

but for the sake of the ending for the moon revolution, they messed up on that part.

[~ forgive me if my opinion and tangent seems repetitive and dull ~]

[wario-speedwagon]

Dave and Old Sport Adopt a Kid: Chapter 6

Thank you for your patience friends! I finally have the next chapter of these bozos and their definitely-not-found-family! I hope you enjoy and have a fantastic day! Full Chapter below the cut as always :)

Chapter 1 Chapter 5

ALSO!!

I wanna extend a huge shoutout and thank you to @miss-maam-ava and @an-artist-place-for-extra-art for drawing fanart!? I'm still utterly blown away by it, so again thank you!! Their art is at the end of the chapter, so do go check it out, and check out these awesome artists!

Chapter 6

Jack’s worn-down car–how he acquired it, he’d rather not admit–rolled into the Walmart parking lot, and after a poorly aligned attempt at parking into a spot near the front entrance, the colorful cast exited the vehicle. Jack exited the driver’s seat door, standing and basking in the cooling 8pm air as Dave and Pruny exited from their respective seats. 

But Jack could quickly hear Dave trying and failing to open the wrong door.

“I got it.”

So Jack opened the driver’s side back door and held Pruny’s hand to help her down to the ground. For some reason, the other back door on his car refused to budge open anymore some years ago. A minor detail that Jack had never particularly felt a relevant urgency to fix before.

There were a lot of things about his life-style Jack was starting to have to consider from an outsider’s point of view; things he’d previously learned to ignore the shame of. Things he’d previously accepted were fine left broken but now would have to be fixed–no, leave all that to Dave to sort out; Jack owes nothing to anyone.

But as they silently walked across the lot for the entrance, a sudden lack of company stopped Jack’s train of thought in its tracks to notice Dave stopping behind–

“Hey, kid,” he said to Pruny rather softly as he knelt down– “you wanna hop on my shoulders again?”

Yet again, the girl obliged Dave's offer with a curt nod and surprisingly little hesitation. So Dave bent down even further as she climbed onto his back. You’d swear they were real family if you didn’t know better.

“So; seeing as we came here without so much as a list of what to get, we should probably at least run through what we’re here for.”

“Right, good idea...” Though the two aubergines were more preoccupied with adjusting comfortably to Pruny being sat on his shoulders. 

“So, uh, Pruny?” But he didn’t have her attention immediately as she balanced herself against Dave’s long neck. Though it then occurred to Jack that figuring out what things she’d prefer wouldn’t be as simple as just asking her anyway.

“C’mon, let’s start with the clothes.”

“Alrighty.”

“...By the way…” Jack turned his attention to Pruny, or rather, her shirt; “Why on earth did you get Pruny a size extra large? No way that’s all they had left?”

“C’mon, you gotta give a growin’ kid at least two sizes up! makes it last longer.”

“It also makes her look ridiculous.”

Pruny clutched her shirt sleeve as if in subconscious defense of it.

“We’re gonna get you nice clothes that actually fit you, and then you’ll know where I’m coming from.”

Dave rolled his eyes as Jack forged ahead for the kid’s section of the clothes area.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter…

The name resonated voicelessly from nowhere, from somewhere inside of himself. He couldn’t tell what the importance of it was.

‘He’? Oh... he would be Scott Cawthon of course, he was reminded.

Yet this Peter was more than a name… he was needed to crack some kind of code.

But… 

…But all mulling about codes and names was put aside when he promptly remembered the time; no, he didn’t have the time to daydream, he still had toast to finish and he should be out the door for work in five minutes or so. Not that Freddy’s was picky down to the minute about tardiness, but his bus sure was. It had all admittedly been much easier at his previous job when he and Carolyn could more easily coordinate around their one car.

Whatever. This job hopefully wouldn’t have to be for too much longer. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Dave, keep in mind that I have to afford all this,” Jack said while Dave dumped a fourth skirt into the cart. Considering that Pruny had not done much more than stand there and nod approvingly, it seemed more like Dave was picking out her clothes than she was. But at least he was picking out medium sizes like Jack told him to.

“‘Afford’? Please, Old Sport, consider this all on me!” 

“Oh? You don’t strike me as someone with much buying power.” But as soon as he admitted it aloud, he immediately noticed the error in his assumption.

“Yeah, I guess ‘buying power’s’ a creative way to put it...”

Jack was no stranger to shoplifting himself; the Freddy’s “pay wage” would have made sure of that if his own relaxed morals hadn’t already beaten them to the punch. But usually his shoplift attempts were more… well, they didn’t usually involve a growing pile of colorful clothes.

That, and being orange was conspicuous enough. Being an orange dude accompanied by two purple people was getting them several looks. 

“There any other ones you want, Pruny?” 

Pruny responded by looking around the place thoughtfully. Despite how much Dave towered over her as he looked down at her (there must have been a four foot height difference between them), she didn’t show any nerves anymore–not since they’d gone home, now that he thought about it. She even made direct eye contact with the men that were almost going to be her murderers.

Why did that thought put such a chill through Jack’s spine? Should he unpack that later–?

After tilting her body around a rack of shirts, Pruny started running off to the section next door, looking back at them briefly as she ran to make sure she was being followed as she headed for the shoe section. Jack was happy that Pruny seemed to be enjoying all this so much.

“I guess she’s right, we haven’t gotten her new shoes yet.”

“Hmm. That might present a slight hiccup… But hey, ole Davey always finds a way in the end!”

“What, in your shoplifting scheme?”

“Yes, that. You can’t wear more than two pairs of shoes at once; believe me, I tried.”

“...Two ‘pairs’?” 

“Eh, it’s not a big deal, actually. They’re not gonna give enough shit to strip a man of his shirt.”

“Ah. Comforting.”

The two’s walking pace finally caught up to Pruny who was already excitedly inspecting shoe box after shoe box in a row. The mother and her son at the other end of the aisle unsubtly excused themselves upon their arrival.

Pruny then seemed to settle on a pair, as she reached to take the box out of its shelf and then took it to show its contents to her–...

…What were Dave and Jack to her right now? Guardians? Jack hoped not… And what would that make him and Dave–

But Jack immediately brushed the unanswered questions aside to inspect the pink sandals Pruny was holding up to them which each had a pinker plastic flower adorning them.

Pruny was beaming up at both of them as if awaiting validation, so Jack naturally put on his old brotherly smile. “I like them, they're very cute.”

“Yeah!” Dave interjected, pushing himself forward with interest. “Do they fit ya? C'mon, go try 'em on right now, let's see how they look on ya!”

Dave took the box from her and knelt down to her level. As Pruny took off one of her incredibly worn tennis shoes, Dave took out and held the corresponding sandal out to her, and she accordingly slipped her foot into it.

“There! Fits just right like a princess!”

That got a shy blushing grin from Pruny who directed her gaze strictly down to her feet.

This whole ‘princess’ schtick that Dave had been keeping up with her throughout their clothes shopping was getting a bit too cheesy for Jack who was glad that Dee had always been more tomboyish. But Dave seemed to be really enjoying their night of pampering their new friend.

But that begged the question, why was Dave such a natural at interacting with her? Considering, y'know... his latest past times... In some ways he even rivaled Peter’s doting… What would Peter have thought of Pruny if he were still around? He probably would have liked her– 

–no, that's enough of that train of thought.

“Let's get you a pair of better tennis shoes, and then let's call it a night on the shopping, alright? It’s almost 10 o’clock.”

"Not without trying all her clothes before leavin'!"

"As long as you're quick about it, sure."

Pruny nodded and began happily inspecting boxes again on the other end where the more athletic wear seemed to be. Dave followed right behind her, also looking on the higher shelves for suitable shoe candidates.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter’s mind wandered as he watched the scenery pass by on that bus... house by house, then building by building... Until that godforsaken bear’s face came into view again as the bus slowed to its next stop.

And then he arrived. 

And then he was in his costume again.

And then he saw his coworker Henry.

And then there was blood.  Everywhere–

H-His blood–

Scott woke up with a jolt. 

…And that always means the beginning of another tedious day of the Freddy’s grind– No, there was silence where usually an alarm was blaring on his desk; and sure enough it's still only 10pm. Strange. He doesn’t usually wake so spontaneously on his own.

And as his tired mind tried to lull itself back to sleep, Scott’s mind therefore drifted back to ‘Peter.’ 

Peter, huh? Another one of those dreams again. They never left him feeling right. Rather, they left him feeling… unsatisfied... with something he couldn’t pinpoint. He theorized maybe a part of him was jealous of this fictional guy’s life, after all, anyone would dream of a better life than being a Fazbender’s Phone Guy.

But there he went wanting again when he had no business expecting anything better of life.

But then his mind jumped to Jack and that girl–Pruny. Seeing those two this evening, it was uncanny.

…uncanny… how…?

Scott drifted back asleep before he could question it further. After all, Dee was already done with her homework and he hadn’t even started dinner yet.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well, that’ll do nicely! Just like nothing ever happened!” Dave said as he and Pruny exited the changing rooms, Pruny seemingly back in her original clothes that she came in after trying everything on. But she was evidently not nearly as comfortable as before with how tight everything felt on her.

“Where’d that tangerine go? That bastard musta wandered off somewhere.” Dave didn’t think they took that long to change. But their cart was still there where they left it at least. 

Dave then looked down at Pruny who was clearly rather awkward in all her clothes. Understandable, but she’d have to deal with it for now, at least until they get to the car. Sure was a good thing he got her that Extra Large to cover it all up, huh! He patted her on the head as if to reassure her before gesturing to the self-conscious girl to follow along as he wandered ahead in search of– ah! There the man was, not far off and conveniently on his way back carrying… a couple somethings.

“Why hello there, old sport! Whatcha got there?”

“We can’t be forgetting socks and underwear in all of this excitement, can we? Rookie mistake.”

“Ah, suppose you’re right.”

“These should probably fit her based on her pants size. Otherwise we’ll just ret–” …Wait, can you even return stolen goods? …Well, upon checking their price again real quick, Jack certainly wouldn't be very interested in paying for these now anyway.

“…Did ya have to get the most boring color imaginable? White!? C’mon now, she’s a girl, give ‘er some pink or something!”

“What’s even the point of colored underwear other than upcharges?"

"Old Sport, we're not paying for them-"

"But I’m sure she has more than enough pink to last her a lifetime by now. Are you sure pink is even her favorite color?”

“Sure it is! Right Prune? You like pink, don’t ya?”

“Y-Yeah!” She said rather cheerfully without missing a beat.

…Jack and Dave both took an impressed moment’s pause. But Dave quickly jumped back in. 

“See? It’s not like I picked everything out for her, y’know, most of this was all her choosin’ it out!” he emphatically gestured. But he gestured at Pruny in her god-awful oversized Toy Freddo shirt that she came in. Jack sighed, knowing better.

“...You’re really making her wear all of it at once under that shirt!? Can’t you smuggle it any better way?"

"I do this all the time, but I can't really do it for her, now can I? I already got shoes in my shirt."

"Still, poor kid’s gotta be sweating already.”

“Which is why we should prolly head out soon. They’re gonna close in fifteen anyways.”  

“Alright, can’t say I disagree. I’m getting exhausted by all of today.”

“Ah that’s right, we’ll have to get some blankets for me ‘n Prune!”

“For ‘you’ and Prune?”

Dave cracked a smile he probably thought was persuasive.

“...” 

“...”

“...”

*sigh* “I’ll go get the blankets. Just hurry up and take Pruny to the car so she can take some of those layers off already.”

“Aye-aye!” he saluted as he reached for Pruny’s hand to lead them out the entrance doors.

Jack however restrained another sigh at the thought of blowing what little money he’d managed to scrape up. But he’d had more than enough smuggling antics for one night.

(Chapter 7) ->

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Fanart!! :D

Definitely support their original art posts! (linked in the images)

Arts by @miss-maam-ava of Dave, Jack and Pruny!

Arts of Pruny and Sport (Rose's Davesport kid) by @miss-maam-ava and @an-artist-place-for-extra-art (Rose) respectively!

(and yes they are officially siblings now, do not question it)

[vashsscoreboardofpain]

WELCOME BACK SPORTS FANS TO "VASH'S SCORE BOARD OF PAIN" :D

We are close to the final stretch of the season everyone! Will the debutant get to 100 points before its over?

Lets start round 8 shall we?

NOW, THIS IS THE MOMENT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR. A TRUE GAME CHANGER, THE BEST MOMENT THE CONTESTANT HAS HAD SO FAR TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS

THE FLASHBACKS EPISODE

Now, because the suffering division has already counted the Big Fall and the "accomplice" reveal in episode 1, those will not be counted today, but fear not sports fans, we have so much to cover today.

The contestant gets his first point very early in the episode. stampede vash gets a "bad event" point because everyone agreed that getting shamed with one year of life only because you wanted to eat it is pretty bad. additionally this had relevance in the future.

stampede vash keeps going and strikes another point right after his talk with nai. he gets 1 "traumatic event" thanks to the guy who grabbed his ankle. yikes. the contestant runs away from the metaphorical but also real dead bodies- oh? the suffering division has decided to count the metaphorical dead people as a separate "traumatic event" point. we are 5 minutes into the episode and things are already going intense for the *checks notes* 1 year old.

AND HERE IT IS, THE FIRST "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT OF THE EPISODE. stamped vash gets a point for his little "i want everything to be over...i want to disappear." stampede vash from the past is leaving no crumbs

he strikes another "bad event" point when he is accused of leaving nai to die alone. the contestant looked pretty distressed so it is being counted.

AND HE HITS ANOTHER "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT. THE CROWD GOES WILD AND STARTS CRYING. "why did you rescue me? i wanted to die there" are pretty strong words for a child.

AND STAMPEDE VAHS HITS ANOTHER ONE, ITS TRULY INCREDIBLE! third "yikes statement" point when he explains hes pretty much a useless plant. we have not seen this many yikes statements in a row since 2009. what a time to be alive for sports.

stampede vash knows hes on a roll and he keeps going, HE KEEPS GOING AND STRIKES ANOTHER "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. The official news about rem passing are indeed, merit of this point. even if he already suspected it

WAIT WAIT WAIT, HE HITS A "YIKES STATEMENT" POINT AND AN "ACTION" POINT IN THE SAME SCENE. EVEN HIS RIVALS ARE WORRIED FOR THE DEBUTANT. Although the suffering division had to debate this one for a minute, the "im not gonna eat. bringing me food is a waste" will be counted even if its in the same vein as the "im useless" statement. they are in the same vein but they are different statements. the other point is counted because he is actively ignoring food even though he probably needs it.

stampede vash has proved to us he will stop at nothing. he gains another "traumatic event" point when people call him a monster and gains another "action" point for carving crosses for the many people who died in the Big Fall. The audience is shocked. the experts say if he keeps going like this, he might be able to compensate the lack of points after the wolfwood centric episodes

we hit minute 12, almost halfway the episode and the contestant strikes, thats right, another "traumatic event" point. hearing a plant in pain and getting yelled for trying to help will surely have effects in his future. after so much begging he finally makes it out of the cell to save the plant, and from there it seems like the debutant will take it easier for this round. he gets a bed. he gets friends. hes a teenager now. life is good

stampede vash seems to be getting in a nice rhythm, he gets a heartwarming moment and then THERE IT IS LADIES, GENTLEMANTS AND THE PEOPLE FROM BEYOND, ANOTHER "TRAUMATIC EVENT" POINT. HIS ONLY FRIENDS THINK HE HAS BEEN AGAINST THEM THIS ENTIRE TIME AND HE FLEES. I REPEAT. HE MOTHER FUCKING FLEES. an additional "action" point is being counted because he fled. the audience is shocked. after a few minutes of peace and wholesome moments this comes to everyone like a slap in the face. a good one tho, because we are all sports fans.

OH? everyone hold up. even after he runs away he asks the suffering division to consider his goodbye letter for points. the suffering division reads the letter, and takes a few minutes to make a decision. the audience holds their breath, everyone is on edge. News are here: the suffering division WILL COUNT 5 "YIKES STATEMENT" POINTS FOR THE LETTER. EVERYONE GOES WILD. the suffering division announces that the letter just had so so so much guilt that it deserved those 5 points. they also explain that if you make the count, the letter had 5 sentences that show how guilty he feels.

AND ON THAT POWERFUL AND SAD NOTE THE ROUND IS OVER. The debutant collapses (again) after an incredible performance. AND WHAT A PERFORMANCE! ON THIS ROUND ALONE HE GATHERED 19 POINTS, HIS NEW TOTAL IS 90 POINTS!

HE IS SO CLOSE TO HIT 100 POINTS IN ONLY ONE SEASON! THIS IS INSANE! WHAT AN EXCITING MOMENT IN SPORTS

KEEP FOLLOWING #VASHSSCOREBOARDOFPAIN TO SEE THE DEBUTANT FLY UP IN THE RANKS OF SUFFERING!

[no-where-new-hero]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong: Day 13 (Part 3, Ch. 1)

...in which Polly goes to Bristol.

A lot happens in this chapter! We begin Part 3, Where Now?, which starts striking notes of unease, with its lost-seeming question mark. The musical notation for this part translates literally to "cheerfully with fire"--the fire of Fire and Hemlock, we can assume--but, according to my musical website, "the more appropriate translation would be 'passionately.'" Passion blooms out into the text most directly in this part, where it had only been hinted at earlier on.

In the beginning, Polly finally starts reading The Golden Bough, and I wish I had more intelligent things to say about it, but I tried to read it a few years ago and gave up in despair. Major props to Polly for getting through as many chapters as she does! The only two subjects that I recognize as cogent to Polly and Tom's curse is "Sympathetic Magic"--which I've argued that Polly has wielded already and will come to wield again--and "Kings killed at the end of a fixed term," which I think refers to Mr. Leroy. "Tabooed things" definitely seems relevant though that might just play into the rules and transgressions that surround Polly.

We also meet Joanna in this chapter, who I'm beginning to notice is another flavor of detestable older woman. She resembles Laurel in her chilly politeness and surface charm and perfectly harmonizes with Reg's desire to skitter over the surface of life and not dig into all the shit that's going on between him and Polly. @ksfoxwald very insightfully pointed out that Ivy's lack of imagination is what keeps her believing in a false reality that she cobbled together, and Reg's attitude to life comes across very similarly. He persists in believing in that the bad things will go away if you ignore them but can't make a sympathetic imaginative leap to consider what a dreadful position this puts Polly in.

(I'm a bit confused at Polly's insistence that Mr. Leroy is responsible for her plight when--as of now--there's no hint of Tom in the picture, so there would be no need for Mr. Leroy to take revenge. Unless it's just her hopeful sublimation of real life horrors into the manageable horrors of fairyland.)

Polly also comes to grips with her feelings for her father in this chapter. Already she's exasperatedly understood that she cannot be her mother's daughter, and clearly here, she knows she can't be her father's. She has outgrown both her parents and is old enough to hold onto her bleaching shame (one of my favorite descriptions in the whole book--so relatable!) but that means she's left alone, half-grown, in a hostile grown-up world. Polly is still able to bend this world to her own wishes, as she's not entirely powerless. In a way, she practically summons Tom to her aid, even though it also feels a lot like coincidence. But it also foreshadows that her unheroic shame is strong enough to throw her off-course (if here only momentarily).

[mysterycharacterflowers]

Round 1; A bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus Vs A bouquet of amaryllis, dicentra, red spider lily and white roses

If you know who they are, or are pretty sure of it, please don't tell until this poll has ended!

First, let's talk about the bouquet of poppy, zygopetalum, echeveria, dandelion, yucca, twinspur , lotus, tagetes, ursinia, purple hyacinth and hibiscus

Meaning and why these flowers were chosen: Poppy, for fertility, remembrance, strength, hope, resilience, sleep, and peace. When we meet her, she is stumbling through the wake of her trauma--including grief for both herself and her dead child— without any real goal of recovery, trying to cope through substance abuse, but over a long hard walk she gradually uncovers her inner strength Zygopetalum, for fertility and spiritual connection between people. Fertility is relevant because her pregnancy as a young teen overturned her life; spiritual connection, meanwhile, doesn’t apply in a soulmates way like would be typical for this flower, but instead as a moment of profound enlightenment that she experiences and later relates to someone who very nearly understands. Echeveria, for endurance. She’s been through a whole lot, curled up in a ball, got back up and kept going. Also because it’s one of a few plants called hens-and-chicks, and she was a mother. Dandelion, for determination, joy, and youthful thoughts. She’s just a teenager with big dreams, a love of stories, a history of tomfoolery, and a not irreparably broken soul. Yucca, for new opportunities, loyalty, and purity. She has to leave home to find hope; she is a good friend, or at least she’s trying very hard; and she’s certainly not ‘pure’ by her conservative quasi-Christian mother and culture’s standards, but whose fault is that and what does that mean anyway? Twinspur, for fidelity and friendship. She reconnects with an old friend and tries to accept who they are, their journey, and what they’ve done despite the rift in her since she last knew them; she also ends up befriending/befriended by someone she justly punched in the face before, so there’s that. I also chose this flower by its name because she’s a twin; that’s also complicated. Lotus, for spiritual growth and transcendence. She went looking for it, with her friend who was far more interested in it than she was at first, and she certainly found it even the transcendence suffered for it. Tagetes, for faith (and use in religious contexts), creativity, jealousy, and loss. Religious faith is very important to people in her life and was formative, in an abusive manner, to her in the childhood she’s only partly left; her mother clung to fundamentalist religion in a time that had seen a lot of change, and because of this shamed her all the more for her perceived transgressions against polite society. (After experiencing that, she wound up trying to combat religion-backed colonialism and generally being unwilling to let others be hurt with religion as the weapon like it was for her.) Creativity is a central part of her mind—she pranks, she explores, she lets herself become enveloped in possibly silly ideas and fascinations. Jealousy is something she has for those with more privilege getting into situations not unlike hers and getting away with it, and for those without her knack for getting into trouble (and thus getting, in this case, unjustly punished); in other words the jealousy is for her siblings. The loss part is probably clear by now—loss of her child, loss of faith of varying kinds, loss of social acceptance. Ursinia, for temptation and innocent love; she fell for a man not the least bit worth it. Purple hyacinth, for playfulness and regret; connected in this case since her playful, adventurous nature was a part of what she was shamed for, loosely speaking, when her pregnancy came to light and with the aftermath. In other words, she was too much to be considered a good girl to begin with. Hibiscus, for youth, first love (little good though it did her), and the shortness of life; she was a child giving birth to a child who didn’t survive.

Description: A young woman—eventually admirable, never despicable—with a bad reputation kept small, a self-sabotaging streak that can’t compete with the actual sabotage other people deal to her, and quite a lot of self-loathing her parents don’t care or know to help her process. Desperately needs to be told that what she went through wasn’t funny, actually, but doesn’t know that until it’s actually said. The daughter of a lawyer and a miserable housewife, and it shows. Wildly eccentric when she’s not forcing self-effacement; gets more philosophical as she goes, and unlearns the hatred she was taught for her supposedly sinful body. Once constructs an alter ego whose name is a crude joke, but completely accidentally on her part. Chaotic good

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Now, let's talk about the bouquet of amaryllis, dicentra, red spider lily and white roses

Why these flowers were chosen: amaryliss flowers! big personality! and her dress is red. Dicentra. cause if she never tried to marry other character she wouldve lived, and with the dripping part looking like blood or water, she fell into the river. Red spider lily, Not only is it representive of death (and rebirth) anither BIG red flower also white roses because theyre extemely common wedding flowers, and she dies on her wedding. Description: She's an impulsive and vibrant woman who is constantly doing something. She's the type of person to get her entirely family kicked out of the club for being there, but sneak in anyway.

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