#its giving the first time fizz sucked his c-

[jizzlords]

@clwngasm said: UNHINGES JAW LIKE A PYTHON-

that's hot as fuck.

[milfisolde]

under read more bc i put too much effort into my ocs and there is A Lot. tw for violent stuff

this will be updated every time i think of something for him!

deviantart link

Rollick

“The Ravenous” ? idk I suck at titles

no accessories

Size reference

why does he have anime hair if hes a fish? because he’s my oc and i say so

I MADE ICONS FOR THE LOCATIONS AND CLASS AND OTHER CHAMPIONS’ ABILITIES AND TUMBLR WONT’T LET ME ADD THEM WITHOUT FUCKING THE WHOLE POST UP

Short crappy bio

A young shark-like Vastaya. Born in Ionia, west of the island Sudaro. He was captured as a child by  Bilgewater pirates after straying too close to the surface and being found. Was then put to work on the Slaughter Docks, and trained to hunt in the traditional Serpent Isles manner: “launching themselves at their targets to secure tow-hooks with their bare hands, and beginning to butcher the creatures while they yet lived.”.

I need to update myself on League lore, but I would like him 2 be acquaintances with Nami and Fizz. Also, Rollick would have heard stories about Pyke and would find him really cool. Ideally, he would have Johnny Yong Bosch as his voice actor because I love how he voiced Kung Jin in Mortal Kombat X, but I don’t know how he’d do with a pirate accent lmao.

Kit

Would be classed as a Fighter with the sub-class Diver. At least I think he would.  

His kit is basically just a mash-up of multiple champions with extra ingredients. Riot do it themselves, so I'm allowed to, too. Pirate lingo used for most of his abilities and voice lines b/c I'm not creative for naming things.

 Passive "Blow the Man Down." : A mash-up of Rengar and Darius' but more complicated. Auto-attacking 3 times in a row, or using abilities, gives his unused abilities 3 different tiers of empowerment. (Like, if you auto-attack 3 times, use W, then Q, his E will have tier 3 empowerment.). Tiers 2 and 3 gives the target bleed when hit by abilities, applying "Blood in the Water."  Applying the bleed multiple times makes it stack, tier 2 stacks like two stacks of tier 1 bleed, tier 3 stacks like two stacks of tier 2 bleed. How many times can it stack? Idk. 5? 7? 10?? ok probably not 10 that would be stupid.

2nd passive "Clipper." : Rollick moves faster in the river; this move speed scales with his normal move speed.

Q "Feed the Fish." : Tier 1 is a swipe in an AOE cone with his claws. Tier 2 is a small lunge in a targeted direction with two swipes, one with each hand. Tier 3 is a longer distance lunge with a bite. If tier 3 lands on a moving target (examples: scuttlecrab when it dashes, Ezreal using his E), it will follow the target like Warwick Q/Evelynn E. The bite will also heal him for a small amount.

W "Hook, Line, Sinker." : is like Rengar's Bola Strike with a wider but shorter range for tiers 1 and 2, but he leaps in the targeted direction at tier 3 and if he hits something, covers it with his net and stays on top of them for a short amount of time. Tier 2 spins the target around from they way Rollick throws his net and will turn the opposite direction of the way the target was originally standing. If you're facing Rollick and the tier 2 net hits you, your back is now turned to Rollick.

E "Chase." : Warwick Blood Hunt but either less or more annoying. Cooldown is shorter in duration, but so is its active. The passive part of it only shows paths to champions affected with a bleed, burn or poison DOT effect. (Includes: Rollick's "Blood in the Water", Darius'  "Hemorrhage", Brand's  "Blaze", Gangplank's  "Trial by Fire", Lillia's  "Dream Dust", Cassiopeia's  "Noxious Poison" and  "Debilitating Poison", Twitch's "Deadly Venom", Teemo's  "Toxic Shot" and  "Noxious Trap", Singed's  "Poison Trail", the  "Scorch" rune,  "Ignite" summoner spell,  "Challenging Smite" summoner spell, "Azakana Gaze" from  Demonic Embrace, and "Torment" from  Liandry's Anguish.

R "Cleave 'Em to the Brisket!" : Similar to Skarner's "Impale". Rollick takes the hooked blade he has on his belt and lunges at the target, stabbing into the enemy champion's chest with his chest to their back, and drags them away. "Cleave 'Em to the Brisket!" can only be used on a champion that has their back turned towards Rollick. It applies a tier 3 "Blood in the Water." upon use. It can yank champions out of  Displacement Immunity, but doesn't suppress the target champion entirely, they are still able to use dash and blink abilities, use Thresh's  "Dark Passage", recast  "Death Sentence" , and use most movement summoner spells ( Flash, Hexflash, Mark/Dash), but if they do, half of their current HP is taken away from the hooked knife being dragged/yanked out of them. If you are 30% HP and you use one of the movement abilities mentioned, you will leave with 15% HP and two stacks of tier 3 bleed. For 5 seconds after using his ult, Rollick uses his knife to attack, gaining increased auto-attack range and his autos apply a tier 1 bleed stack per hit. The enhanced auto-attacks drag his targets towards him because of the hook part in his knife getting caught on them.

Animation ideas

(I used google to find every gif/picture, save for the “dance” one. they have tumblr links bc when writing this tumblr shit itself when i wanted to save it as a draft and i kept it open in a different tab and copy/pasted everything. im sorry some of the gifs are weird aslkfjdjf)

Walking animation is him using his arms and tail to "crawl". imagine the gif has a tail instead of legs

Running animation is the same concept, just with much more effort put into making himself move faster. Moving in the river looks more like he’s swimming rather than crawling. Slowed animation is him dragging himself slowly with his head facing the ground, putting weight on his elbows instead of using his arms completely. Like an army crawl but in pain.

Idle animation is him crossing his arms and resting on his elbows, then looking around and inspecting his claws.

If left in idle animation for more than 15 seconds, he drops down completely and puts his head in his arms and dozes off. Moving after the sleep idle will have him shake his head awake when starting to move.

Death animation is him trying to crawl, being unable to, then collapsing on his side and flopping onto his back.

Taunt animation is him straightening himself then lashing out with his hands and baring his teeth before "biting" the air in the direction he’s standing, voice lines coming out before the bite part.

Joke animation is him chasing his own tail? Maybe he gets tangled in his net after doing it for a second and just struggles there until the animation is interrupted.

Dance is uh. He straightens up and does knife tricks. He doesn’t have legs, doesn’t have a staff like Nami, and just wouldn’t dance like Cassiopeia.

I made the gif using footage from here.

His laugh animation would be him laughing and flopping onto his back, then turning back onto his stomach. All but one of his laughs would be loud and hearty, the one that isn’t would sound like Kung Jin’s laugh.

Voice line ideas

First encounters:

Bilgewater/Bilgewater themed champion:

"Ahoy!" "Ahoy, bucko!" "Ahoy, scallywag."

Multiple champions simultaneously/champions who have a visible partner/partners with them (examples: Kindred, Sejuani, Lulu with Pix, Elise with her Spiderlings, Azir with his Sand Soldiers):

"Ahoy, me hearties."

Pyke:

"Pyke?! I’ve heard stories of you! Though… You’re smaller than I had imagined..." "Hey there, old salt! " "Ahoy, seadog! "

Nami:

"Good to see a friendly face! Shame it’s on the wrong side." "Oh! Little lass! Have you found your stone yet? "

Fizz:

"Little trickster! Where’s your big friend? "

Illaoi:

“Test? Gonna get myself an A-plus-plus! …That’s the good grade, right?

Taunts:

Any champion:

"Scurvy dog! " "AAARRRRGGGGHHHH! "

Bird/bird themed/winged champion:

"Polly want a cracker? "

Tahm Kench:

“The only creature with an appetite bigger than mine” “You put me to shame with that maw of yours! You could fit me in it!”

Abilities/eliminations:

Tier 3 "Feed the Fish.":

(after used on champion wearing armour/with tough skin)

"Ouch… I think I broke a tooth. Good thing I got more. "

(after used on champion with fur/feathers/long hair)

" (violent spitting-out-fluff noises) Blegh! "

Tier 1 and 2 "Hook, Line, Sinker. ":

"Catch! " "Avast, ye! "

Tier 2 "Hook, Line, Sinker. " after turning someone around:

"Bring a spring upon ‘er! " "Broadside! "

Using "Chase. " with a DOT’d champion in range:

"Chum in the water…" " (deep inhale, then a rumbling growl) "

Using "Chase. " with affected champion visible:

"Lookin’ a bit squiffy there…" " (laughter) Yesss… "

Eliminate champion:

"Take a caulk. "

Eliminate champion while using "Cleave ‘Em to the Brisket!" or the enhanced auto-attacks after:

"Hah, keelhauled! " “Taste me steel n’ may the devil take ye!”

“PENTAKILL!”:

"Dead men tell no tales…"

Respawn:

"What a flogging…" "Alright, I’ve fed the fish… Now it’s their turn. "

Pings:

(Danger!):

"Heave to! " "Avast ye! "

(Assist me!):

"All hand hoy! " "All hands on deck! "

(Assist me!) followed up by (On my way!), or vice versa:

"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! "

(Area is warded.):

"They’ve got a lookout. "

(Target champion):

"Thar she blows! " "Sail, ho! " "Savvy? " "Hang ‘em from the Yardarm! "

Miscellaneous:

Allied champion drinks potion or gets healed by another ally when Rollick has missing HP:

"Splice the mainbrace! Please?"

Alone with low HP, no potions or actives available, or sells all items:

"Looks like I’m marooned…"

Healed by ally:

"Feeling shipshape!" "Much obliged." "I’m in your debt." "Thank you!" "Thanks!"

Receives shutdown gold:

"Ha-ha! Plundered! " “Bounty taken.”

Flashing away from enemy:

"Blimey! " "Gah!” "Sink me! " " (girly shriek) "

[hellimagines]

Worth My Time--Billy Hargrove

Masterlist

Request: “Hey i was wondering if you could do a billy hargrove story where the girl reader ends up meeting billy whenever hes out looking for max and he shows up at her house but max isnt there and he comes in bc the reader gives him directions to the next house & she just got out the bath (pretty much the whole scene with mrs wheeler in ST2) except the reader is the sister and they never seen eachother before & they’re both really turned on with one another and end up fucking then. thanks so much!!! (cont.) also in the story i just sent in can billy have short hair like dacre really does but everything else can be billy lol if that makes sense! sorry forgot to add that in.”

Summary: When a certain blond interrupts your bath, it’s safe to say you’re a little mad.

Warnings: slight smut, cursing

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Wheeler!sister

Word Count: 1,207

A/N: I’m sorry this isn’t full smut. I’m sort of burnt out when it comes to Billy smut, so I’m really sorry!

It was late, around 8 o’clock or so, and you found yourself submerged in your warm bath. Your (h/c) hair was pulled into a messy bun, making sure none of the dry strands came in contact with the water or the scented bubbles. You had never felt more blessed in your entire life. For once, you were the only one home. Your parents were out on a date night (the first one they’d had in months), your twin sister Nancy was out on a rendezvous with Jonathan Byers, and your younger brother, Mike, was out with his friends. So you were left on your lonesome, chin deep in cherry scented bubbles with your Signature Soy candles releasing sea blossom and peach dahlia aroma’s. You could feel yourself drifting off, bubbles fizzing at the tips of your fingers and occasionally floating high enough to pop on your nose.

But then. Then the most obnoxious knock you had heard came from your front door. Your eyes flew open, anger bubbling higher than the ones in the bathtub. You waited, not making a sound. There weren’t any cars in the driveway, so maybe the visitor would think nobody was home and leave. But then there was another knock, more incessant than the last. Then another. And another.

“Oh for the love of…” you grumbled, pulling yourself out of the bath. Bubbles clung to your wet skin, and you didn’t bother washing them off- you wouldn’t be entertaining your guest for long anyways. You ripped your black, velvet robe from the back of the bathroom door and haphazardly wrapped it around you. It formed a perfect V down your chest, stopping slightly below your boobs. The robe kept them covered, but you didn’t pay much attention to it as you stormed down the stairs, making sure your visitor could hear your angry stomps.

You swung open the front door, with full intent to wreak havoc on the person in front of you. However, the only thing you could muster was, “What the fuck,” when you were met with Billy Hargrove. He stood at the front door, his red shirt barely buttoned past his belly-button, and his leather jacket around his shoulders. He had cut his hair recently; the once long, curly blond locks were now short and wavy. His eyes racked up and down you, a lazy smirk forming.

“Hello to you too, Wheeler,” he grinned, propping his forearm on the door frame, leaning forward a bit. “Didn’t mean to catch you at a good time,” he snickered.

“Then leave,” you snapped, beginning to shut the door. But his boot had shoved its way through, keeping the door from closing.

“Can’t do that, doll,” he sighed. “Ya see, my little sister, Maxine, has gone missing,” he said sadly, a false expression on his face. You rolled your eyes, cracking your jaw in annoyance.

“You and I know damn well you don’t give two shits ‘bout  Max,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. Unbeknownst to you, this only made your unsupported boobs lift up, your robe slipping slightly. Billy’s smirk grew, as he struggled to keep his eyes trained on your own.

“That’s where you’re wrong, babe. I care about Max. And I’d very much like to find her. You wouldn’t happen to where she is, would you? Only take a moment to get an address,” he grinned, briefly flicking his eyes over your shoulder to confirm that nobody else was in the house. You thought for a moment. You could just give him the address of the Byer’s easily, and send him on his way. It would only take two minutes, at most.

“Hurry up, it’s freezing,” you snapped finally, opening the door wider for him. Billy came in, eyeing you as you shut the door and began to walk to the kitchen.

“Wouldn’t be so cold if you had on more than that robe,” he snarked, leaning over your kitchen counter. You snapped your head up at him, giving him a glare.

“I was having a nice bath before you showed up, actually. I didn’t exactly have time to get dressed,” you huffed, ripping off a piece of paper from the tablet hanging on the wall. You reached into the kitchen drawer and pulled out a pen.

“Didn’t mean to disturb you princess,” Billy snickered, watching your every move. You rolled your eyes and returned to the counter, leaning across from him.

“She, and the others, should be at the Byer’s. They usually play Dungeons and Dragons here, but because Will’s been having a tough time lately, I guess they went there,” you explained to him, beginning to write down the address. Billy couldn’t hear you. He was too focused on the way your chest pressed against the countertop, your hand furiously scribbling down words. The black robe had slipped off your shoulder slightly, and he could see faint traces of bubbles in the divet of your collarbone.

“Well,” he said slowly, removing himself from the counter, “if she’s over there and just playing a board game, then I guess she’s not in any danger,” he said, moving himself closer to you. You looked up at him, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Hargrove, what the hell. You drive all the way over here, make me get out of the damn bath, stand in the cold while I’m dripping wet, only to tell me ‘it doesn’t matter’? Are you shitting me?” you exclaimed, slamming the pen down on the counter. Billy was right beside you now, his blue eyes no longer trying to hide their gaze as they travelled your body.

“Mhmm… Let me make it up to you,” he hummed, reaching a finger out to diffuse the bubbles in your collarbone. Your skin shivered at his warm touch, your cold body wanting to get closer.

“And why should I do that? What makes you think you’re worth that kind of time?” you asked, quirking an eyebrow as he stepped forward, his hand sneaking around to your waist. He jerked you closer, your hands slamming into his chest.

“I’ll show you I’m worth that kind of time,” he whispered, before leaning down to kiss you roughly. A small gasp escaped your mouth, but you reached up to run your hands through his hair, tugging at the short strands.

His hands gripped your hips, lifting you onto the counter behind you, the cold marble causing you to shiver. His mouth nipped from your lips down your jaw, sucking a dark mark at the edge of your jawline.

“I can’t cover that up, Hargrove,” you yelped, yet the legs you had around his waist pulled him closer.

Billy smirked against your skin, making his way down to your chest. “That’s the point, doll face. Now shut up, your bath is gonna get cold soon,” he purred, pulling the velvet material of your black robe away from your boob, exposing your nipple. Instantly he pulled it closer to him, sucking on the sensitive flesh. You tilted your head to the side, using your grip on his hair to keep him in place as you moaned quietly.

If this is what kind of time Billy Hargrove was worth, than you didn’t mind at all.

[deathnoting]

abecedarian (3/26)

more beyond birthday garbage. these are not heavily edited & maybe will be at some point but w/e. have a thing

previous parts: a b

c. copy-cat (c. 1987)

B had noticed the ghost on the first night, and it had brought him comfort. He likes: cock-eyed birds that follow men and scream their names, lonely old women in wools who huddle on street corners and advertise wares of unintelligible use and origin, and wraithlike sun beings that jump from one person’s shadow to the next. He likes things that other people cannot see, or cannot see all sides of. He considers them his particular friends. That Wammy’s House has a ghost does not surprise him, but instead makes him feel more at home.

That Wammy’s House’s does not have a ghost is, when it comes, a terrifying revelation.

The fear creeps up his throat. He locks his mouth shut and holds it in. He climbs out of bed, lips clamped together, and moves soundlessly across the sagging oak floor, dodging the patches of wood that sing, favoring those that whisper. You cannot catch a ghost with two hands but you can catch a letter. B holds Kanji, Pinyin, the Latin alphabet, the Russian alphabet, and halves and bits of many others. L is just one letter. L is small.

“L is the favorite,” A had said. “L is their ideal child. He can remember anything he reads or hears. He doesn’t require any—I don’t know how to say what I mean. None of the things that children normally need. They want us to be like that, so I’m trying. But it’s just in case. We’re just in case.”

In case of what?

“In case he dies.”

He dies? He dies he dies he dies?

“B. Stop it, please.”

B’s eyes adjust to the dark. He follows the ghost, whose steps are not nearly so careful, until it sharpens into a live human shape. It glints and shuffles in the moonlight coming through the window at the far end of the hall. The human shape takes the stairs. B shudders with bleary anticipation. Run and catch, run and catch. There are hollows in the walls. He leans up against one, breathes with the wood, and finds the little dip which slides into a door, and pushes that open. There are passageways all over the house, some large enough for adults, others only wide enough to accommodate the bodies of particularly slinky children. B crawls in, pulls the door shut behind him, and moves on hands and knees through the musty, asbestos-lined walls, encountering strange dark-loving lifeforms with crunchy exoskeletons that A would probably know the names of.

He climbs out of the passageway and into a softer shade of night. He is on the first floor and he is ahead of the human shape. It is slow and careless, letting its steps fall heavily, each inhale and exhale of breath audible and predictable. B ducks into an open doorway and waits around the corner. His insides fizz. His soul tries to lurch out ahead of his body, so he sucks it in.

The footsteps stop, the breath saps itself. Not so careless, then; it’s noticed. B waits for it and it waits for him and B waits for it. Waits and waits and—this is where things get difficult, because B has teeth, fire, names and words and letters, bones that bend how he tells them to, but he does not have patience.

He steps out into the doorway.

The hearth in the study behind him is still burning orange with dying coals, and in the temperate glow he can makes out a boy a few inches taller than him, but scrawnier, with eyes dug deep down into his skull and a sneer spreading across his face to disguise the jolt of terror that runs beneath it. B sees it, anyway. B sees the words, in stark and elegant red: L Lawliet.

B smiles.

The boy—the letter, the L—steps back.

B steps back, mimicking the movement precisely. Learning and digesting and becoming it. L swallows. B swallows. L tilts his chin one way, like he’s about to shake his head but cannot fully manage to. B tilts his chin in the opposite direction, in the exact same pose. There may as well be a slab of mirrored glass in the doorway between them. There may as well be strings attached to L’s limbs, pulling on B’s. L opens his mouth and B opens his mouth. L’s lips close, B’s lips close. B likes this game. B used to play this game with children at Futaba, but they were spoil-sports. They cried, they ran. L holds out a hand, holds up three fingers.

B gives him three back.

L quickly shifts to two, then five. B follows, only half a second behind. L jumps, quick and springy, and B jumps, too. He frowns, B frowns. He’s trying to shake B off, catch him out, win the game, and B might appreciate that except it doesn’t feel like a game to him anymore. He tracks every movement, every twitch, and eats it up. He’s starving and it’s sustenance. He trips up, he can’t help but grin. He’s so tickled, he’s so lucky, he has never been this lucky before, he has never seen or caught anything like this before. He grins with his teeth and L, momentarily caught up in the game, grins, too. Simon says, Simon does.

They both realize the slip at the same time, and B’s grins grows wider. L trips backwards over his own feet in an effort to get away.

“What,”—he starts.

“What,”—B starts.

L makes his voice louder, drowns B’s out. “Who are you?”

B slumps out of the game and back into his own skin, own bones. He says, “I’m your new little brother.”

L kicks the door closed in his face.

—

They are introduced over breakfast. L fills a chair that is usually empty, eats only syrup with a small side of pancakes, and looks at neither A nor B.

“I don’t see why we need another.”

“I know you don’t. Do me the favor of deferring to my authority in this matter, if not in any other.”

Q speaks to L as if he is older than he is. He’s only two years older than B, one year older than A, but he is filthy with aspects of the profoundly adult. He takes his tea a certain way. When he goes, it’s because he needs to, “get back to work.” He climbs out of the high-backed dining chair and slumps out of the room, chewing on the skin around his thumb nail. Ten fingers, white fingers. B wonders how they taste.

B brings his own thumb up to his lips and bites into the flesh. L does not once glance B’s way, but when he passes by him on the way to the door, he drops his hand stiffly, and that’s how B knows that the mirror goes two ways.

[katrinawritesthings]

OT5; resume game; PG

listen... more d&d au

“When did you even get an antimagic spell?” Key asks. She sounds more impressed than anything by this point and Jonghyun snorts.

“Two levels ago, when you told me it was useless, remember?” he asks. Jinki doesn’t even have to look up to know that Key is blushing and Jonghyun is smirking.  “Also,” Jonghyun adds. “If this works, then I’m technically the one that beat him, and the rules that all of you fuckos set up say that that means that I get to decide what to do with him. So don’t hurt him.”

part 1

ao3

As the small group of adventurers advances further into the forest, the phoenix elf spots a clearing in the distance. She signals to the others and as one, they sneak quietly through the trees until they have a clear view. Set up in the loose grass and small boulders, a group of six humans lounge lazily around a fire, laughing and talking with smug pride. None are watching the trees and they have bags and boxes full of what appear to be the stolen artifacts from the city’s museum.

“I can get one between the eyes from here,” Yavè says, hand confident on the crossbow under her robe.

“We’re supposed to capture them alive,” The Double M-C growls. Their bear claws flex at their sides and Yavè sighs, crossing her arms.

“You’re right,” she mutters. “I can get one through the leg from here,” she offers instead.

“We can just… walk up and ask them to give the stuff back nicely.” Skell’s words are small, but louder than they have been, his growing confidence and experience showing in his actions. Yavè rolls her eyes, but Ace nods slowly.

“Let’s do that, but more… intimidating,” it says with a raised eyebrow and a little smirk in The Double M-C’s direction. The half-bear grins slowly back, lifting one big bear arm to point at the tree creature.

“I like that plan,” they say. “Come on.” They head off towards the clearing, leading the party with no stealth straight through the trees. They growl in the back of their throat and rustle the trees as they pass. Ace stomps its heavy oak legs extra hard against the ground, so the earth trembles slightly with each step. Yavè pulls off her hood and casts an illusion on herself, turning her already fiery colored hair into what looks like real flames and giving her eyes a deep red hue. In the clearing, the humans all startle and look around in a panic.

All at once, the party bursts through the trees. With an enormous, earsplitting roar, The Double M-C bares their claws and their fangs in a display of power that sends one human stumbling to the ground in fear.

“Draw your weapons and fight, theives!” they bellow, towering over the humans and snarling down at them. On their right, Ace thumps its huge wood club menacingly into its palm. On their right, Yavè draws a fire-tipped arrow and trains it expertly on the furthest human.

From the back, Skell scoots forward silently. Peeping his pink-haired head out from behind The Double M-C’s furry elbow, he waves gently and gives them a small smile.

“But, you don’t have to fight if you don’t want to,” he calls.

(“Jonghyun.” Minho hisses. Their hand is clenched around their dice, eyes closed as they take a deep, steadying breath. Jinki watches with the utmost amusement as they open their eyes and turn to face Jonghyun’s pout. “Will you please. For once. Let me do this.”

“What?” Jonghyun whines. “I’m not stopping you.”

“Yeah, but you kind of ruin the effect,” Taemin says. It shrugs lazily in its pillow pile. Key nods and Jonghyun grumbles at all of them, holding his pillow tightly under his chin.

“Minho, roll for intimidation with an advantage. Jonghyun, persuasion,” Jinki says, pausing their hundredth argument for just a moment. Both of them glance at him; Minho rolls two dice and Jonghyun grabs his.

“Twenty-four,” Minho says, and then, “I’m a big giant bear person,” they whine. “Like, half of my points are in intimidation. Let me intimidate people.”

“You can intimidate people,” Jonghyun huffs. He jiggles his die in his hand and tosses it into what he calls his lucky cup instead of the stimmy cup he’s been casually throwing them into the whole game. “I just want them to know that they don’t have to fight. They can just surrender. I’m helping.” He frowns at the outcome of his die and tips it back into his little tray. “Nine,” he tells Jinki. Jinki nods at both of them, picking up his own die to roll for the humans while Jonghyun and Minho keep up their bickering. They’re cute. As he rolls for each human, he snorts and smothers a grin in his hand at a particularly bad number.

“Okay, so,” he says, interrupting whatever point Minho was bringing up.)

Almost every human yells and stumbles back in terror. The sight of the half bear, half human, a monstrosity on their own, is enough to have them trembling in their boots. Two of them back up even more, turning around to flee, but their leader catches them by the elbows.

“Stay here and fight, you cowards,” they snap. They seem to not have been affected as much by the party’s entrance. They’re a seasoned veteran at this kind of thing and have seen worse, as evidenced by their firm stance. Their companions, however, have hands that shake as they reach for their weapons. One of them doesn’t even draw a weapon at all; with a glance at their leader, and a meaningful glance at Skell, they slowly slip sideways, slinking behind one of the larger boulders.

Skell’s eyes light up in delight and at his first opportunity, while the others are fighting, he jogs over there to meet them.

“Are you hurt at all?” he asks, holding out a worried hand to the shaking thief. “I can heal you,” he offers brightly.

(“Oh my fucking god,” Minho mutters.)

~

“You know, I’m sure you have more fairy in you than just your hair. Your smile is dazzling.”

“Yeah. And your sweet spirit is positively angelic.”

“We can’t thank you enough for convincing those hunters to leave our village alone.”

“Ooh.” Skell smiles wider, cheeks flushing as pink as faer hair, and nuzzles up to one of the many tall, handsome, suave boys speaking to fae at the bar. The village is celebrating their party’s victory over the attackers in the inn and fae’s having a lovely time surrounded by admirers. Fae draws invisible little lines on one man’s broad chest and looks up at him through faer lashes. “Tell me more about how pretty I am,” fae says.

At the other end of the bar, The Double M-C snorts, shakes their head, and returns to the story they were telling to the group of young children gathered around them. Yavè rolls her eyes and asks one of her own crowd of admirers to get her another drink. Ace sits moodily in the corner, arms crossed and frown directed towards the tallest of Skell’s babes. As they all go about their business, from the entrance, a--

(Jinki stops suddenly in his description when Taemin slips him a folded up note. He takes it, glances at Taemin’s little grumpy face, and reads it.

“I’ll give you five dollars if you make your hot self-insert bartender kick them out,” it says.)

~

“Okay, we’re just gonna barge in there, take out the bodyguards, kill the lord, get out, and--”

“What the fuck? No, we can’t kill him.”

“That’s what we’re supposed to do, we’re supposed to kill the asshole so the village can live in peace from his reign.”

“Okay, technically, maybe they want us to kill him, but they didn’t say we had to. We’re gonna tie him up and throw his ass in his own garbage jail.”

“Oh my god, this is going to take forever.”

“Well sorry I’m not a murderer--”

“It was your idea to take this fucking sidequest in the first place--”

“The people needed our help--”

“Lets just fucking get in there already oh my god--”

(“Hey, uh, real quick,” Jinki interrupts Jonghyun and Key’s hissed argument with the most amused hand between them. They frown at each other for another moment before turning to Jinki. “Are you two having this conversation, like, in the game?” he asks. He gestures at the little ambush setup they have on the table between them.

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Key says. “Yavè is liking Skell less and less by the moment.”

“Of course,” Jonghyun says. “Skell thinks Yavè is being a big anus.”

“Ace wants to hurry up so it can eat,” Taemin mumbles.

“Yeah, and I feel like I’m like. Really worried, waiting at the inn for them to come back,” Minho adds. “Can y’all please hurry up and finish breaking the law?” They’re pouting really hard and Jinki chuckles softly.

“Okay, well,” he says, getting back to his point. “Since you two are arguing out loud, then, uh.”)

As the two’s bickering grows louder and more intense, the secret door behind the lord’s office is swung suddenly open. Three of his bodyguards, huge and intimidating, glare menacingly down at the party, swords drawn.

“Shit,” Yavè hisses.

“She was the one that wanted to kill you,” Skell says immediately, pointing at the elf.

(“I’m not taking you to the movies this weekend anymore,” Key hisses at Jonghyun.)

~

“I hate,” Ace growls as it sucks down one of its last healing potions. The magic of the drink bubbles and fizzes inside of it as it heals its wounds, but it doesn’t feel nearly as satisfying as they usually do. Ace peeps out from where it took cover behind the rocks to watch the other three try yet again to harm the warlock.

Yavè fires a perfectly aimed arrow from her crossbow, then casts her volley spell to duplicate it hundredfold. Every magic arrow rains down on the warlock with grim accuracy, but with a great acrobatic effort, they dodge and weave through the brunt of the attack. The ones that do strike him are taken easily, their magical force lessened and their damage partially healed by his many protective spells.

The Double M-C, freshly healed by Skell, hurls themselves again towards the wizard with a fierce roar. A reckless charge, they’re able to get closer to the warlock than anyone has yet so far, but still are blasted back by his powerful magic at the last moment. As they tumble back towards the rocks and pillars of the cave, their roar is one of defeat.

At the third round of repeated failures, Skell sneaks a peek out at the wizard from behind his own rock and huffs. “This is garbage,” he mutters.

(“Alright, listen, wait, Jinki,” Jonghyun says. Jinki turns to him with a hum of curiosity, trying not to grin too wide as his frustrated little pout. He shouldn’t be having this much fun with this, but the others are just having garbage rolls today and it’s way too funny. This really shouldn’t be that hard of a battle. Jonghyun reaches over to their little figures on the table and pokes the warlock gently.

“This fucko,” he says. “He’s like. Some scrawny old fuck that’s been living in a cave for too long, right?” he asks. Jinki snorts. That’s one way to put it.

“Basically, yeah,” he says, because it’s not like Jonghyun is wrong.

“He’s gonna be splattered all over the cave when I’m through with him,” Key mutters darkly. Jinki throws an amused smirk her way. Her patience ran out several turns ago.

“And, like,” Jonghyun says, ignoring her little comment. “He doesn’t have any actual weapons, right? Just his hands?”

“Yeah,” Jinki shrugs. “He had a staff but you all burned it, remember.”

“Mmhmm,” Jonghyun hums. He pouts at the little wizard figure, finds his own figure, counts the little spaces of distance between the two. “Okay,” he says. “So, I’m gonna-’’

“Wait, are you actually gonna attack him?” Minho asks. Their eyes are huge as they look at Jonghyun and Jinki honestly has to agree. What the fuck. Jonghyun curls up smaller under everyone’s disbelieving looks, but picks up his little figure anyway.

“It’s not like you guys are getting anywhere,” he mutters. “Jinki, I’m gonna cast an antimagic sphere on myself, run at him, like, full speed, and then just. Jump on his back.”

He hops his little figure across the table, struggles for a moment with balancing it on top of the wizard’s, and then just kind of sets it behind him. Jinki stares blankly at him. Holy shit. The other three are looking at Jonghyun in much the same way. Oblivious to their silence, Jonghyun fixes up the two figures on the board and then looks up at Jinki.

“What do I roll for that?” he asks.

“Um,” Jinki says. Uh. He doesn’t know. Constitution maybe?

“Are you serious?” Taemin asks. Jonghyun huffs at it with a little nod.

“Yeah?” he says. “All this fucko can do is magic. Just walk up to him and capture him gently while I’m blocking all of his spells and shit. I wanna get out of this cave.” He jiggles his die impatiently in his hand as Jinki flips through his guide book to figure out what attribute is best for this.

“When did you even get an antimagic spell?” Key asks. She sounds more impressed than anything by this point and Jonghyun snorts.

“Two levels ago, when you told me it was useless, remember?” he asks. Jinki doesn’t even have to look up to know that Key is blushing and Jonghyun is smirking.  “Also,” Jonghyun adds. “If this works, then I’m technically the one that beat him, and the rules that all of you fuckos set up say that that means that I get to decide what to do with him. So don’t hurt him.”

“That doesn’t--”

“They are the rules,” Minho sighs. Key huffs and crosses her arms in defeat.

“It won’t work anyway,” she grumbles. “Nothing has been working today.”

“Roll for dexterity,” Jinki mumbles, pointing vaguely in Jonghyun’s direction. He slowly closes his book as he finishes reading. Dexterity now, and then it’ll be constitution every turn to stay on. Yeah. Jonghyun tosses his die onto the table and when it settles, everyone kind of just stares blankly at the first twenty anyone besides the warlock has gotten all session.

“Plus four,” Jonghyun adds, pointing at the numbers on his character sheet.)

Skell takes a deep breath, casts an antimagic sphere on himself, sprints across the cave, jumps effortlessly onto the wizard’s back, and clings there.

(“Like a cute little koala,” Jonghyun adds, poking his figure with a grin.)

Skell clings to the wizard like a cute little koala.

~

“And I owe all of this to you, Skell. Sweet, sweet, lovely Skell.” Jo’s wicked smirk turns wider, more natural, more charming, a shadow of the old smile he used to give Skell before he turned into an asshole. Now it just feels like a mockery. He walks up to Skell and caresses his face, laughing softly when Skell jerks away. On the rocky mountainside cliff they’ve been backed up on, Skell stumbles, almost losing his balance, before Jo tuts and yanks him a single step away from the ledge.

“Don’t leave me yet, babe,” he chides. “You still have to watch me take the orb and harness its darkness to take over the world.” He backs up lazily towards the Darkness Shrine and holds his hands out, relaxed and confident and smug. “You should have listened to your little friends when they told you not to trust me,” he says.

(“Yeah. Jonghyun,” Minho says. Jonghyun rolls his eyes, squeezing his pillow close to his chest. Jinki props his chin in his hand lazily as he watches the other three glare at the soft little bub.

“Remember when I told you that your hot new boyfriend was just using you?” Key asks. Her voice is light and casual with just enough bite to get her point across.

“Remember that time a few days ago when he literally just suddenly screamed and grabbed his head and took, like, thirty points of psychic damage for no reason at all, and Jinki said that obviously the gods were displeased with him for something?” Taemin asks. It doesn’t do as good of a job at keeping the annoyance out of its voice.

“But no,” Minho says dramatically. “Jo’s great. He’s soooo romantic. He helped us fight sometimes. He just gets intense headaches every once in a while. Nothing’s wrong with Jo.” They lean really close to Jonghyun, trying to stare him down as he stares blandly at the table. “Do you think Jo’s gonna let us fall to our deaths, or will his charming gentleman’s heart grant us the mercy of killing us first?”

“Alright, can you, like, get out of my space, please?” Jonghyun asks. He’s perfectly calm and pleasant, flapping a gentle hand at Minho until they sit up straight with a huff. “It’s fine,” he says. The other three groan, probably because he sounds exactly the same as he has sounded for the past in-game week of them telling him that Jo was bad news. “It’s still fine,” he says. “It’s always been fine.”

“Explain to me how this is fine,” Taemin huffs. Jonghyun huffs lightly right back.

“I mean, if you would let me do my thing instead of whining at me, you would see,” he says.

“What thing,” Key scoffs.)

“Jo, honey,” Skell says sweetly. He takes several small, shuffling steps forward through the snow and the rope binding his feet, smile playful on his face. Jo pauses in his dramatic reaching for the orb, turning to look at him with a cocked brow.

“Stay back, cutiepie,” he says. “I would hate to have to kill you first.”

“Oh, I know, baby, but,” Skell pouts. “Can I have one last favor?” he asks. “Pretty please? For me?” He bats his eyelashes prettily and Jo laughs. He thinks it’s absurd that Skell still thinks that he actually ever cared. Still, the little pink haired human is absolutely adorable. One last request couldn’t hurt.

“Sure, kitten,” Jo shrugs. “What is your dying wish?” He hops off of the shrine with his arms crossed in front of him. Skell smiles, bites his lip, giggles cutely.

“Let us--”

(“Oh, wait, Jinki--he has more than fifty hit points, right?” Jonghyun asks quickly. Jinki cocks a brow, checks his notes, and shrugs innocently. Telling is cheating. Jonghyun huffs. “Come on, Jinki, you know I don’t want to accidentally kill him,” he pouts.

“How the fuck…?” Taemin mumbles. Jinki sighs and shrugs again, but this time with a little nod. He can’t say no to that face.

“Yeah, he has more than fifty,” he says. Jonghyun smiles bright and wiggles happily.

“Okay, anyway.”)

“Let us tie you up right now,” Skell says clearly.

(“Really? That’s your fucking plan?” Key hisses.

“Shh,” Jonghyun hisses back.)

Jo looks at Skell blankly for a moment, and the bursts into loud laughter. He holds his stomach, bends over, wipes a tear from his eye.

“Wow,” he says when he composes himself. “I thought you were going to ask for a final kiss or something.” He grins, steps forward, pecks Skell’s cheek, and backs up. “Not gonna happen, babe,” he grins. Skell just smiles pleasantly back as Jo turns back to the shrine.

Two steps up, Jo stops suddenly, stiffens, clutches his head, and screams, just like that time a few days ago. As soon as that happens, Skell pushes all of his concentration into another spell that hits Jo with force. Mid-scream, mid-horrible writhes of agony, Jo stops, frozen in place by the magic.

Skell turns quickly back around to his other three companions.

“Hurry up and get yourselves free, this freezing spell only lasts for a minute and I don’t know if a second one will work,” he says.

(“Holy shit,” Minho whispers.

“I told you it was fine,” Jonghyun grins.

“I thought you didn’t like to hurt people?” Key asks. She’s staring at the five damage dice Jonghyun rolled onto the board with wide eyes, and Taemin is giving Jonghyun the same look. Jonghyun shrugs, a sweet little smile on his face.

“I don’t like liars,” he says. His pleasant tone is betrayed by just a touch of a hard edge.

Jinki had known about Jonghyun’s secret curse plan the whole time, but it’s at that moment that he really remembers that chaotic good players play by their own rules just as much as the evil ones do.

“Holy shit,” Minho whispers again.)