#it's something about the eyes i think. I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT my art style occasionally will shift towards being more. Shaped??????

[remitro]

every once in a blue moon i randomly get hit with a beam that allows me to draw ctommy Real Good and i have to frantically take advantage of it before it dissolves back into the fog

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: creature of mine

"Dunno why, but s'not working this time. M'not resssponding to it." Crowley's eyes flickered with something entirely unreadable. "I need a warm body." "I see." "Can't even use my fingers properly with these bloody claws. Still, feels better to have something warm, something moving." Aziraphale attempted to make sense of Crowley's words, his head pounding viciously. A warm body. "Would you like me to... hold you again?" Crowley smiled, open-mouthed and beastly. His fangs glistened in the darkness. "Need you to fuck me, angel." Or: Aziraphale buys Crowley a snake plant, hoping to please Crowley with the appealing smell of its flowers. Its effects on Crowley are far more extreme than Aziraphale anticipated, and it’s down to him to face them head-on.

Length: 21,253 Words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: After Dark, Canon AU

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by ineffabildaddy, omens_for_ophelia

*Minor Spoilers* Buckle in, it's long post time. I admit to bias in the length of this post because I love this author, but above all, my enjoyment of this story is so genuine and I am so proud to recommend that you all read it too. This was written for the sex pollen event that has been going on recently (so many more for me to read!) and it's one I knew was coming but didn't know too many details about. So when I woke up to the email that it was posted, I knew I was going to have such a good morning, and oooh boy did I.

Caught outside in the rain, Aziraphale steps briefly into an exotic plant shop to stay dry. When he spots a beautiful flowering snake plant, well, he's free from Heaven now and free to buy his friend a gift. And what a gift it will be when they realize that the plant's pollen contains the exact pheromones that trigger Crowley's snake desires. Even though I knew exactly where this was going, the actual journey was so intoxicating. When the effects first take hold, neither of them knows exactly what to do. Both are locked into shame and embarrassment over the situation, but the trust and protection they have for each other is sturdy. Crowley struggles with losing control and the pain of vulnerability, while Aziraphale tries desperately to deny his own wants and desires. He represses it all to protect Crowley. And isn't this just the most beautiful metaphor for their entire relationship? As always, they get there in the end. It's as heartwarming as it is sensual. I will never tire of them completely surrendering to each other.

The thing I always love most about this narrative style is how it blends poetry and smut. It will paint with gorgeous prose and then snap our attention back with its explicit language. It's thrilling to me and a shining example of how rich smut stories can be. I'm awed and horny! And I have to say, this was such a clever and interesting take on Crowley's snake body! Naga/Monster fuckers, this one needs to be made a priority for you. It was described in excellent detail but also depicted gorgeously by the included art! I've still got goosebumps over the third piece of included art! The color palette! The bodies!! The emotion! I'm in love. Both author and artist have a talent for making me feel so at home in my own body with their works. I just trust them implicitly, and they make it so easy to imagine how everything would feel to my own skin.

This is an at-home, after-dark read. It will have you sweating and squirming, but also in awe of their closeness and the trust they have in each other. How endless their devotion is. How beautiful this story is. But let's be real, I'm also thinking about how fun their next round with this plant could be now that they're on the same page. Next time, with the walls completely down, they are going to have the most pleasurable night of their life for the rest of their lives.

Read it here, fic by ineffabildaddy, omens_for_ophelia

[hannahssimblr]

note: you don't need to know how to pronounce Garda Síochána - just know it's what we call our police force in Ireland. Any mention of garda/guards is in reference to the cops. Jude is saying the Síochána bit (the full name) to be funny and emphasise the fact that they are entirely unarmed. If you do want to know how to pronounce it then here is someone saying it right.

We are greeted at the doctor’s waiting room by two familiar faces. Shane and Joe look up when we enter, and the biggest, dopiest smile I’ve ever seen spreads over Joe’s face. “What’s up guys! You got ticks too?”

“Um, yeah.”

He fist bumps me, then Jen, “Hell yeah! Tick friends. Four thicks with ticks. We should get that tattooed.”

“Good idea,” I slump into a creaky seat and immediately start fidgeting with a ballpoint pen on the table. While the others chat to one another I begin to draw random shapes onto the corner of a magazine. 

“So we lose four tents,” Shane is saying, “And we all get ticks. Would ye say that’s the biggest failure of all time?”

“We can go back and get the tents though, lad,” Joe says, “Sure I can remember where we were and all.”

“They’re in the dump by now for sure,” Jen says, “So annoying because I actually really liked that tent, and the sleeping bags too. Like, we lost a bloody fortune worth of stuff that we could have used to go to a music festival or something.”

A fat pigeon lands on the windowsill and I quickly sketch it out, not realistically, but a stupid cartoon version who is trying to swallow an entire loaf of white sliced pan in one gulp. I cock my head. It’s actually a bit grotesque. Maybe I should scribble it out. 

“Man, I’m just glad that Jude made it out of there alive,” Joe says, “We didn’t know if you were going to make it.”

“What, like, do you think I was going to get shot to death by the Garda Síochána?”

“No, I dunno, like.”

“Thanks for abandoning me, by the way.”

“Oh stop it Jude,” Jen punches my arm, which throws my line off, “He’s in a huff because we saved ourselves instead of coming to find him, but anyone would have done the same.”

“Well you were fairly busy!” Joe protests, “Off with Clóda.” I’m not looking at him, but I can practically hear the exotic wiggle of his eyebrows, “C’mere, man, did you ride her?”

I glance quickly at Shane who is staring at the floor, “Nah, I didn’t.”

“What? You had the chance and you didn’t take it? You’re crazy, Jude. If that’d been me I’d have-”

I zone out as Joe, the chronic virgin, starts describing what he would have done and not done, while dimly aware that Jen is giving out to him for being disrespectful. The pigeon drawing is coming along. Maybe I’ll make this guy into a new character and put him in different scenarios. I draw a newer version of him on the next page with eyes looking in two different directions and I chuckle to myself at how stupid it looks. 

“That’s a cool drawing,” Jen murmurs, peering over my shoulder, “you should bring it home and glue it into your sketchbook.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“-Oh yeah, and that reminds me,” Joe goes on, moving fluidly from his thoughts about Clóda to the next topic without so much as a pause for breath. He’s like a tap that never stops dripping. “I’ve been thinking of getting a tattoo, like an actual tattoo, you know I was joking about the Thicks with Ticks thing before, but now that I’m sixteen I’ve been like, maybe I should get one if my ma or da lets me, and like, I was thinking that Jude is really good at art and all, so it’d be cool if I got him to draw something for me that I could get tattooed on me, you know?”

I sit up wielding my biro, “Where, man?”

“Huh?”

“Where’d you want your tattoo? I’ll do a sketch for you now.”

“Oh cool, yeah, like maybe my neck, like here?” He runs a finger from his ear to his shoulder, “Like something cool, a dragon or whatever, breathing fire, and maybe with its tail curling around like that.”

“A dragon, yeah?” I lean across Jen and push his head to the side to stretch out the skin and I start drawing.

He glances at Jen after several minutes, “How’s it look?”

She keeps a straight face, “Yeah, unreal. It’s a dragon alright.”

I finish it off with a few flourishes and then Joe shows it off to Shane, “Well?”

Shane splutters.

“Is it cool?”

“C’mere give me a proper look,” he turns him all the way around and stares intently at the drawing. “Man, that is the most detailed penis I’ve ever seen.”

Jen and I cling to one another cackling. 

“Even the spurts of cum, fuck sake, you’re sick,” Shane starts shaking with laughter too while Joe panics and tries to wipe it away with his hand. “Aw, are you serious? Is it just a dick?”

Shane looks again and shrieks “The veins!”

“No, you’re going to have me go into the doctor with a cumming dick on my neck?”

“You don’t like it?” I pretend to be offended and clutch my heart, “That wounds me, really.”

Jen joins in, “Yeah, he worked hard on it, how could you be so cold?”

The doctor comes to the door, “Joseph Roche?”

He stands up and gives us all the most aggressive middle fingers he can muster. “Fuckers,” he says, and follows the doctor out while we all collapse in fits of hysterical laughter. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[tremendum]

hi!! tiss i, bringer of the art thingy for '''me and the devil'' (fucking amazing song btw, could be applied to both of the men she has been promised to)

anyhow

she :] so thing is i truly do think that how you've described her clothing, the meaning it holds (the meaning she wasn't tought) is truly sick!! it's sutch a visual to me. though i would of hopped she'd worn it longer, continued to be a green ghost through hallways, houting paul in meetings and dreams. i do get when and why she took it off so easily, how it didn't mean as mutch as it could of if not for her mother, the breeding program.

also please do forgive how fucking compressed it is, mspaint isn't a big fan of deetails.

um. i think i could of done better with her clothing, how it flows and folds around her body, like the branches of a willow tree, growing oppon her like moss. but :/, hm, got too into it without meaning to and now we're here. i though of the light backdrop as when she's first on caladan, seeing pauls green eyes and grinding her teeth, trying not to steam. doubt it reads so, tho. (should of given her longer nails caked with blood, but mmmm, hands are fucking frustrating)

and! i had fun with this :], so i was thinking about a past and a more current present form of her? (the pale horror marking her face as she watches how her parents bodies flinch for the last time, black flames and all that. no veil and sword at her hip, warm greens enveloping her as she watches forward ((side eyes paul?))) dunno dude

hope you're well, sorry for the far too many words

HI!! first off im floored and beyond touched that someone was inspired to make something so beautiful based off of what i wrote???? omg? but i have to say this is absolutely stunning! EXACTLY how I imagine reader's clothing/style/everything. you've done incredible work. so talented.

i completely agree!! the clothing and its meaning is an important theme (hopefully that conveys throughout the next couple chapters as well) for the story and I hope you like where it's headed... no spoilers ofc but the symbolic clothing has not disappeared! You have captured the flowing style of the dress and veil so well and I can't even tell you how perfectly you captured my vision for the veil and headpiece and my god the DETAIL you put into it... i am so so touched. its truly beautiful, I keep coming back to look at it as i write the next few chapters!

I love the touch you put with the backdrop - the first few moments when they see each other for the first time and she's just a green ghost, mysterious and simmering under her veil when she sees his eyes. truly fucking incredible art.

also, the blade - it is so perfect. It's literally exactly what I imagined - in the style of Harkonnen blades, similar to Feyd-Rautha's to honor her nameday and their future marriage. and the way you placed it above her head; protecting her, or haunting her. maybe both.

I wanted to explore the concept of preserving culture with this story but focus on how customs and traditions can get lost in the sands of time and within the fall from power. & how the unusual dynamic (Paul knowing about her culture, and her not) shapes their relationship. I think you've done an incredible job bringing her to life - your attention to detail is incredible.

I am so completely obsessed with this, it's gorgeous. If you do feel inspired or would like to create more (the past and present ideas are amazing!! yes!!!), I would love nothing more than to see them and talk about it!! If you don't mind, can I link this post on my next chapter so readers can see it???

I love this so much, and if you choose to make more, i cant wait to see it all :) i could talk about this art forever. thank you!!! you're so talented!!!

[thezombieprostitute]

Alphas & Algorithms - Part 7 - Feelings

A/N: Continued from Part 6 . Reader is female and is described as "tall". No other descriptors.

Warnings: It is a Dystopian AU. Food scarcity, hunger, mentions of families being separated. Discussion of non-consensual relationships and unwanted pregnancy. Bullying. Please let me know if I missed any!

--Part 1-- --Part 8--

--Series Masterlist--

If there was one good thing Curtis could say about his work it’s that it gives him plenty of time and space to think. And there was much to think about. They’ve started working with the pups to get them used to the fact that he’s leaving. He knows he’s out of his depth in all of this, but he trusts his brother. His brother who still knew the hand signals from all those years ago. His brother who’s apparently been trying to hook him up with Omegas for years. 

He was so lost in thought he didn’t notice Hobie until he was practically in front of him.

“Oi, Curtis! How you gettin’ on with that pet? Meetin’ some interesting people from what I’ve ‘eard.”

“What do you want, Hobie? I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

“Yeah, figured you would. Got until the security drone comes by. Ask me somefin’.”

“How much does she know?”

“Dunno,” Hobie shrugs his shoulders. “Jus’ know she knows more than she says.”

Curtis sighs at the unhelpful answer and decides to not waste time arguing. “What’s Stevie’s, Steve’s, role in all of this?”

“Couple o’ Betas on the inside are ‘elpin’ with access. Sometimes even sabotage of the Omegas. Dunno th’ specifics, don’t need to.”

“Access?”

Hobie grins, “that’s a bit much to explain for the time you got.”

Curtis nods in acquiescence, “is her Beta in on everything?”

“Yup. It’s how we know she’s not sayin’ everything she smells.” Hobie looks around, “one last question, bruv.”

“Are you sure this plan will work?”

Hobie looked Curtis in the eyes, “enough that I put my life on the line for it.”

“It isn’t just your life at risk, though.”

Hobie smiles, “th’ way we’ve got everythin’ set up, me an’ maybe two others take the fall. No one else. Definitely no one in your Pack.” 

With that, Hobie runs off, giving Curtis a few seconds to get back to work before the security drone shows up. 

“Jake,” Y/N yells from the kitchen. “How did the date with Hope go?”

“It went alright,” he shrugged. Y/N could smell disappointment, which for Jake smelled like rain on a summer day when you’re supposed to be outside. Then she picked up the other scent, curry and warm, strong beer. A distinctive combination that made her think of overly crowded, chaotic art fairs: everyone freely expressing whatever and however they wanted. It was a scent that made her uncomfortable just thinking about the overstimulation. 

“Do you want some cookies or something to cheer you up?”

Jake chuckled, “can’t hide anything from you, huh?” Y/N smiled gently and shook her head. “Okay, the date didn’t go well. Turns out there were some serious differences of opinion but I’m hopeful they’re not deal-breakers, you know?”

Y/N hugs him, “I know.” The hug makes the scent of curry and warm beer stronger. It’s the same scent she’s smelled on people proven to be plotting against the AI. She worries for Jake, knows he’s lying about some things, but she trusts him. He’d never lie without reason and she’d be the last to speak up about the connecting scent. As her mother said, “just because you smell something doesn’t mean you have to say something.” 

“How did your date go? Did he say “yes” yet? Do I get my death-by-chocolate cake?”

“Not yet,” she shook her head as she smiled. “Today’s date got a bit off track when I saw Mr. Castle in the gym.”

Jake’s face fell, “oh damn. I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay. Steve came by and picked up her tea so I didn’t have to take Curtis on that delivery. Pretty sure his opinions on Omegas wasn’t helped by our encounter with Colin and Suzanne at the community center.” Jake gave an appreciative grimace while Y/N continued, “then again, I definitely felt Curtis’s drive to protect me through the temporary bond. It was really sweet.”

“Ooo! Intriguing! I’m definitely going to get my cake and eat it too!”

Y/N smiles, “he’s also asked to meet you.” 

Jake stops and looks at her, “are you okay with that? You know both of us best. If you think it’ll be okay, I’m good to meet him.”

“He said that, since you’re the closest thing I have to a Pack, it would feel weird to not meet you. And, between the two of you, I really don’t think there’s any reason for animosity. He doesn’t seem the jealous type and you’re the supportive, not confrontational type, so I think it’ll be okay.”

“I promise to do whatever it takes to make everything super awkward!”

“You’re lucky I know you’re joking,” Y/N rolls her eyes. “I’m genuinely hoping, if you two do get along, and he does eventually agree to be my Alpha, that you’ll give him some…help? Guidance? With my in-heat care. Especially with the foods and scents.”

“Oh it’s definitely getting serious,” Jake smiles. “If you want me to share my secret family recipes, it’s gotta be a sealed deal.”

Y/N’s face heats up and she looks down, still smiling. Jake’s eyes go wide, “you really like him, don’t you?”

She nods, “he’s living up to the promise in his scent. He’s warm, smart, makes me feel safe and comfortable. I…I don’t think I’ve ever felt this kind of "want" for intimacy.”

Jake takes her hands, “I’m so happy for you! Can’t wait for you two to make it official.”

When Curtis gets home, the pups immediately rush him. Timmy and Andy grab his hands and lead him to the table while Yona gives him a serious face and says, “we need to talk.” They all sit at the table to eat but the pups are asking him questions between bites.

“Is it true that we’re moving?”

“Still ironing out the details,” Curtis says. “But I think Andrew, Tonya and I are agreed that everyone’s moving.” The adults nod.

“Why are we moving?”

Curtis sighs and thinks before answering, “because that’s how things go. Life requires us to make changes from time to time and that time for us is now.” Timmy and Yona seem okay with the answer but Andy looks to Andrew for confirmation first.

“Are you going to move with us?”

“Maybe for a little bit,” Curtis hesitates. “But, ultimately, I’ll be moving in with that Omega who’s been courting me.”

“Is it because we ate her cookies? Do we owe her for that?”

“No, not at all,” Curtis quickly asserts. “Not one bit of this is because of you. And those cookies were freely given.”

“Do you love her?”

Curtis pauses at that question. He’s been so busy thinking about his brother, his Pack, the pups, he hasn’t really thought about his actual feelings about her. The temporary bond is almost completely gone but it could still be coloring his feelings so he chooses his words carefully.

“I don’t know that it’s love, but I do know that I trust her. I feel comfortable around her. She’s honest, strong, caring, comforting, smart. She’s definitely changed my perspective on Omegas.” He stops when he hears the pups giggling and gives them a confused look.

“You were smiling,” Timmy giggled. “You do like her! You don’t smile for anyone you don’t like!” 

“Thats…Okay, you’re right. I’m not much of a smiler.”

“Curtis is in love!” the kids chant for a bit while Tanya and Andrew are trying not to laugh. The teasing continues well into the night, well after they should all be asleep, but Curtis doesn’t push it. He wants to enjoy these moments while he can.

--Part 8--

Tagging @every-username-is-taken-damnit, per request.

[000yul]

speculation/rambling on ya's name (睚)

in the new arknights event on global (where vernal winds will never blow) we get a new character named ya, a feranmut that bears a massive grudge against sui for what went down during the whole founding of yan

we know that ya is associated with the seasons, and that ya fucking hates being called ya, as that was a name given to her/them by humans. as far as i can remember, we don't actually know what ya calls herself/themselves, as it doesn't come up?

anyway, with my middling chinese skills i looked up ya on baidu (below this is my speculation, dont throw pitchforks at me lol i'm just trying)

in a literal sense, it's a fancy way of saying the corner of the eye, but it seems to more commonly mean angry stare - or metaphorically, a small/minor grudge. now, nothing about ya's (the arknights character's) grudge seems small, but i think things make sense if you read a little further

to elaborate, the baidu link above talks about the word's use in various classics. e.g. one of them from the records of the grand historian (史记) goes:

一饭之德必偿；睚眦之怨必报

which ROUGHLY means

repay the kindness of a single meal; repay the enmity of a single angry stare

the other phrases in that baidu link are kinda similar, talking about essentially, 'seeking revenge for even the smallest grievance'.

so! i'm thinking ya's name is an allusion to the greater meaning of these phrases. they're out for blood. they've counted all their debts and they've come to collect. which, well, this is fairly clear from the story itself, but it's interesting thinking about how the name ya might have come up in-universe to describe this character

anyway, ya big sexy, thanks for reading to the end

(unrelated: 'where vernal winds will never blow' is not at all the same as the cn event name （登临意）which. i also don't know how to interpret. 'the meaning of climbing mountains' possibly...? is that an allusion to chongyue's long journey on making himself a master of the martial arts, which are strongly associated with the mortal humans in ak.....? like a 'why put so much effort to reach the pinnacle of something, kinda vibe.....?? i dunno for sure, im not literate enough for this)

[restinpeacesensei]

@melda0m3

Hold on, I need a moment to just admire how pretty this majestic art is... Okay, okay, so.... First thing first, the fluff! It's like they're mid-transformation, and it's beautiful! The usual eye shine, of course, is amazing. I love that Ibushi is the only one who's not crying, like he's been the less affected by all of this (probably not true, but he doesn't have enough screen time) The expression s! Kinshiro's big, almost child-like smile, Akoya's smile of relief, and Ibushi with his calm and collected smile, they're all smiling! Yay! The shading on the wings!! It's so pretty! The wings themselves are majestic AND THEY'RE ALL HOLDING EACH OTHER AWWWW Anyway, as always, I wanna eat your art. This one would be like something soft, but not sticky, and fresh. Dunno what food fits this, but yeah

ohhhh?!! i am so honored you needed an entire moment to look at this picture omg!!! >////< it's a huge compliment you called it majestic waaaa!!! ;;////;;

I LOVE HOW YOU NOTICE THE FLUFF!!! \>////</ it's so cute you call it that omg!! im so happy you can tell they're mid-transformation, that's exactly how i meant it to be!! ;;////;;/ they are becoming their angel forms! ;;w;; im so happy you think it's beautiful waaaa!! \>////</

im so happy you notice that ibushi is the only one who's not crying! i think he would be more reserved than the others, though you're right i am sure he is still very affected by this! he cares a lot about watching over the others and doing what makes kinshirou happy, so i think he would be moved to see them find a place of joy and healing! ;;w;;

i love how you describe all their smiles!! it's so precious how you say kinshirou's is almost child-like waaa?? 🥺🥺🥺 im so happy i was able to convey that wholehearted sense of joy!! >////< i love how you say akoya's smile is of relief, i feel like i was able to convey his sense of joy and healing 🥺 and im so happy ibushi's calm and collected attitude comes across! thank you for looking at all their smiles so carefully!! yay!! \>////</

im so happy you like the shading on the wings omg!! im very touched i was able to make the wings fittingly majestic!! \;;/////;;/ these precious angels deserve it waaaa!!! \>/////</💚💜💖

IM SO HAPPY YOU NOTICED THEY'RE ALL HOLDING EACH OTHER WAAAA!!! 😭😭😭💕💕💕 it was very important to me they be in a circle like this!! 🥺 (....all the pictures i looked thorough to find reference for this pose LOL;;... bc it's hard to model for three people by myself LOL;;;)

ohhh i don't know what fits this either but im happy to hear what sort of flavor this picture would be!! \;;////;;/ hmmm, a warm and soft fresh baked loaf of bread???... is what's coming to mind!! one of the round and fluffy squishy ones!! but that's all i can think of!! im happy it sounds like this would also taste cute! ;;-;; thank you so much!! \>/////</

It always makes me so happy to see how happy my messages made you, so I always try to notice everything and compliment it! I know it can sometimes feels shallow if you just get "cute" as a compliment, because while yes, it's nice that people find it cute, you want the intent/message to be noticed, and you put so much time and effort into something, and it being reduced to "cute" can feel really underwhelming and almost disapointing when you want to convey specific feelings, so I try to notice as much as I can with your art! And I try to always use new ways to compliment your amazing art because it's also fun to do! Looking at all the details a great artist put into the characters I love is always nice!

waaaa!! ;;////;; it's so kind of you to do that omg!! >////< i am happy i am able to convey my happiness!! ;;////;; a-also i relate, i also know the feeling of wanting people to notice the intent or feelings you put into a picture;;; T////T it's not about being "cute" or "good", but about the meaning and feelings you want to portray. the purpose is for someone to feel and recognize what you want to convey T////T (though admittedly sometimes the meaning i want to portray IS "he is cute".... T////T) i will say that from my experience, i feel that when you comment on other artists' work, it encourages others to do the same!! ;;o;; thank you so much for being so kind to me, and i hope you'll find people who see all the feelings and meaning you put into your work as well!! \>/////</

[eye-of-enigmatic-thought]

Don't turn your back on me, I won't be ignored.

[ID: Digital art of a fullbody of Crocrow intensely staring straight at the viewer as he holds a knife with the right wing. Crocrow is a small cartoon crow with red eyes, a long scar over his left (our left) eye, and a small tuft of feathers on the back of his head that lead up. The background is a rgb red surrounded by black scribbles and the ground is a dark grey. End ID.]

So, a bit of context

I am a system and I have headmates, I found out about a year or so ago that I basically have... other people in my brain who I talk to and navigate life with. For the most part its something we rather keep private about ourselves due to not wanting to deal with ableism and how its generally mostly me, Tara, managing things and fronting whilst the others take the sidelines (I describe it as mostly me with friends who occasionally check up on me).

warning sad sad dump below:

A month or so back, I was triggered of some childhood trauma, and I met a new alter called Crocrow, who takes the appearance of a little crow and takes who I was when I was around 10-14 years old. Those years were a very traumatic time and they still greatly affect me. I'd rather not get into full detail of it, but I am still filled with anger and hurt. I still have things that trigger me of that time no matter how miniscule it would be.

Crocrow, despite most of my headmates preferring privacy, does want to be more known, he wants to yell "I am here, I am real" to the world because what he and I went through was real and it made him, it made me into where I am now. We don't want our pain to be ignored, we don't want it to be dismissed, or that it could have been 'worse', or that it 'wasn't that bad'. We went through trauma, we are still hurt and affected, we want that to be known, and we want to express it. Hopefully in ways that don't bring us MORE trauma xD

Most art with Crocrow would be way too personal to show (even if he really wants me to share them, I just don't think itd be a good idea to bring out all the specifics of my trauma for the world to see), but drawing him be the little edgy badass I wanted to be as a traumatised kid who wanted to be just like Shadow The Hedgehog has been really cathartic for me. So you may see art of him around. :)

(heck he may even talk on here too if he wanted to, i dunno, we'll see)

[sillylittleclowncat]

everyone seems to kinda have like.. different interpretations of who sylvia is, like that she's either the green one on the album cover, or that she's the mystery woman from the exclusive artwork that comes with the burn pygmalion record, and that the green one on the album cover is just jeanine's anxieties personified...

i don't think there has been any official confirmation on who sylvia is yet (and if there has and i just haven't dug deep enough to find it, then this whole post would pretty much be pointless.. but i'm sure there's been no official confirmation, i woulda found it, i am sure..!! the only official confirmation we have of anything is that jeanine is indeed the pink one on the album cover, that is all we know.)

so, anyway, here is MY theory...

...THEY'RE BOTH SYLVIA, IN A WAY.

-------------------------------------------------------

i feel like green could be jeanine's mind interpretation of sylvia, if that makes sense? green feels more...ominous, and with the way jeanine describes sylvia as ("...complex and mysterious...") in admire the architecture, it could support that, but then at the same time, you never see mystery woman's face on the vinyl artwork, so it could also apply to that.. BUT IT COULD ALSO SUPPORT GREEN SYLVIA STILL..

maybe it's just me projecting onto jeanine, but i feel like when your anxieties really get to you, especially when it comes to whether or not someone really loves you and whether or not they really mean anything they say or do, it can make that person in your life feel more unknown and intimidating and scary than they really are, less trustworthy with all these things your mind is making up, it's especially worse when they aren't there right in front of you to reassure you (i know its happened to me lots)

sylvia is really just a normal girl, yeah she's a movie star, but really she's normal and i feel like jeanine sees sylvia as possibly more intimidating and like she doesn't really know her well because of her status, like sylvia is hiding things from her. this can be supported by the lyrics in starstruck.

so green being how jeanine sees sylvia can make sense, she doesn't see the "real" her, or at least it feels that way

maybe green having one eye only is how jeanine feels about sylvia, judged by her, probably because she might not feel good enough for her, because she's really only a journalist, after all, and not much else, and this could be supported by how green is on top of jeanine in the album cover and how its eye is wide open looking straight at her, jeanine with a tired expression seemingly accepting she'll always be below her... yet there's also the blush and i feel like this could also tie into green being sylvia!!! like!!! jeanine still loves her, it would make sense for the blush to be there if we interpret green as sylvia (not to mention the rainbow hearts spilling out jeanine's head.. also the embrace! like, green has its arms around jeanine like... i dunno..its sylvia embracing her..and if you wanna turn the eye thing into like something more positive i guess? you could say that she only has her eyes on jeanine and nothing else, jeanine being the most important thing to her in the end.

small dump of lyrics i feel can relate to that

also!! i feel like the album cover can also relate to what happens in crushed out on soda beach, specifically the nightmare dance verse

nightmares and dreams in general usually end up twisting things, right? making them more unrecognizable, green could be like a nightmarish version of sylvia, and well, if we resonate this verse with the cover art, jeanine does seem to be collapsed under green, and the hearts and blush could be that crush, y'know? and well the fire, crushed out on soda beach mentions burning and though it is literal in the sense jeanine did try burning sylvia's house down, it can also represent their relationship. burning in passion yet also burning down on itself.

anyway, main point, green is jeanine's messy mind nightmare mesh interpretation of sylvia, after sylvia goes away to film a movie and jeanine isn't able to see her for a while, all of jeanine's anxieties pile up and eat at her, twisting sylvia's intentions, demeanors... quite literally everything about her, and making her completely unrecognizable and different to who she really is. then that twisted version of sylvia fills jeanine's thoughts up and haunts her, making her anxieties and emotions even more loud and unstable, which could also support green being jeanine's general anxieties, too. and also i feel like in the vinyl art the mystery woman not ever like? getting her face properly shown is also relevant to this, like.. going back to jeanine not knowing the "real" sylvia. also adding this one specific verse from no leverage/no pleasure i feel can kinda relate to all that.

maybe the flowers green has could be like... jeanine trying to still see something good and nice in sylvia, again calling back to admire the architecture, jeanine tries to ground herself by thinking of what she likes about sylvia and why she loves her in the first place... so she doesn't grow hateful and spiteful of sylvia. (sadly it doesn't really work, but she tried, at least.)

also to add onto the thing about the flowers, in the vinyl art the flowers are daisies, i'm pretty sure (i am not very flower knowledgeable so who knows, it could totally be some other flower i've never heard of but, well... i'm going with what i've got!!)

i read that some of the meanings of daisies are purity/innocence, along with happiness, and i think it applies to my whole thing about the flowers being the good things about sylvia that jeanine is still trying to see through all the other stuff!! and going on with the nightmare stuff i said prior, this is all happening in jeanine's head so it can apply to that! and man, i could go into a whole other analysis when it comes to what is going on in the vinyl art but i'll leave that for another time, too >_>

also i feel this makes it pretty obvious to why mystery woman can be sylvia, her leaving (seemingly being when she left to go film that movie) and then being seen on a movie screen like. oh and also all the eyes, going back to what i said about jeanine possibly feeling judged by sylvia.

and the color green also is usually associated with positivity so that could also like relate to that?? but i dunno, i think i also read somewhere that green is considered a royal color, which could like relate to sylvia's status as a movie star.

also, something else that could kinda support green being sylvia also is how you could say green and mystery woman both kinda have a similar hair color... but maybe that's me looking into things too much, lol...

-------------------------------------------------------

anyway, that's kinda what i think.. very sorry for all this text, it could totally happen again.. and if you read this far thank you very much for reading!! hope you enjoyed this ramble and maybe your eyes have opened up to new possibilities too because of it..evil laugh…

its possible this argument will all fall apart once there is like actual confirmation to who sylvia is but you know!! i had fun writing this so it's whatever :oP

also sorry this was messy, i have a hard time organizing my thoughts a lot of the time like i tried to clean this up as best i could but like this is still all over the place lol

[vickyvicarious]

This entry has a lot of extremely sad stuff, and I know that going in, but it's not totally devoid of hope or humor, and I know that going in too. That said I didn't expect to laugh almost immediately. Something about the way van Helsing says "the lover of her". It sounds like a tongue-twister or something. "thelofferoffer." I love it.

The way he says "Look! he's good corn; he will make good crop when the time comes." is so sweet as well.

Followed by Jack's hilarious hesitation: "I...... did not see the application and told him so."

van Helsing's response is to DOUBLE DOWN ON CORN. Jack still doesn't fully get it.

the music when van Helsing continues "very gravely" is SO ominous. I know what's coming and I want to cry about it.....

"the ghastly paraphernalia of our beneficial trade," said together is so goood, as always. I love the sparing but impactful use of such overlapping voices!

Jack sounds like he's trying to talk himself down from getting pissed at Mrs. Westenra for not noticing Lucy's condition. Philosophizing about it instead, speculating that maybe it's some kind of natural instinct... when I still get the sense he's very frustrated with her ignorance even if it's convenient.

goddddd the description of Lucy is so awful to listen to. I can't pick out my favorite bits it just all is so soft and slow and horrified and just. ahhhhh

the footsteps as they leave, and Jack's voice rushing to show them moving quickly away!!

van Helsing's exclamation as soon as he is safely away from Lucy is so good. I love how both doctors immediately get so matter-of-fact with the transfusion. It's a deadly risk but they know it has to be done and waste no time at all hesitating.

Jack's voice shaking a little at "knock at the hall door" - because he doesn't want to get interrupted in this critical moment? because he's narrating this later and knows what will come next? I dunno but I love it.

ARTHURRRRR I LOVE YOU

his whisper...!

the sound of Art collapsing into a chair!

"My life is hers, and I would give the last drop of blood in my body for her." ARTTTTTT

"My young sir, I do not ask so much as that—not the last!" the sly humor in his voice is so good. He knows this is not an appropriate joke to be making but he can't help himself.

I absolutely adore the soft, deeply moved way Jack says "here Arthur took my hand and wrung it hard in silence". Art is so grateful to him for being willing to do this for Lucy, and Jack in turn is honored by Art's respect and gratitude. They all love each other so much.

"If you only knew how gladly I would die for her you would understand" ART'S VOICE CHOKING UP ON THE END/ESPECIALLY THE LAST WORD. the urgency and build to the rest of the line!!!! ghhhhhhah

Jack's voice going so soft and sad as he decribes Lucy being too weak to talk and her eyes speaking instead... he doesn't describe what they say. he doesn't have to, he doesn't want to. he's scared for her.

van Helsing's voice gets extra sing-songy as he tells Lucy to "here is your medicine. Drink it off, like a good child.", I feel like it not only reflects him treating her as someone very young here, but also him trying extra hard to act unbothered when he is obviously deeply distressed. The slight strain when he says "see, I lift you" is his true emotions almost breaking out

THE TINIEST SADDEST LITTLE SMOOCH NOISE. OH MY GOD.

I know I keep saying it but I absolutely adore the way Jack's voice gets so much softer every time he describes Lucy's condition, and Arthur too. In the entire transfusion scene you can hear his absolute love for both of them just radiating throughout his voice.

also love van Helsing's hissed breath in, and the way his voice sounds a little weaker afterwards. he's got his confirmation and even with being prepared for it he's reeling a little

I love Jack's pause when asked what he thinks of the mark on Lucy's neck, and then saying he hasn't examined it yet. It's a very revealing moment for his character in most situations (the more involved he gets with Renfield the less he tends to hesitate). he wants to amass data first and foremost, and even once he has it tends to be hesitant to definitively put the pieces together

I love the urgency in van Helsing's voice at the end.

what an episode

[marmolady]

Sisterhood

Just a short little fic. Estela bonding with Quinn. Kind of an unlikely pair, but that just makes their friendship even cuter.

_________________

“Estela!” It was Quinn. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

That sounded ominous. Or rather, it would have done, had it not been coming from Quinn. Estela budged over on her spot on the side of the pool-- though there was no need to make room, it was a clear invitation to the other woman.

“Cooling off after the gym?” Quinn asked as she sat down, letting her legs dangle into the water.

No way that was what Quinn had been so keen to discuss, but Estela entertained the small talk politely.

“Yeah. I’ve been taking out a lot of feelings on the punching bag.” She looked Quinn in the face, ready to get to the point, whatever it was. “Okay,” she said. “Shoot.”

“Everyone’s been getting photos blown up to put on their walls when we move,” Quinn said, a little tentative. “I wondered…. You… probably wouldn’t have any pictures of your home, do you Estela?”

Estela frowned. It was sweet that it was playing on Quinn’s mind, but it really wasn’t anything she needed to worry about.

 “I have pictures of me and my family,” she answered, “thanks to Vaanu and thanks to Aleister, but the place, not so much. My tio had too many enemies-- well, I did too-- for it to be worth the risk of just having photographs on my phone. As little that could make us identifiable as possible.”

She gave Quinn a smile, though her eyes were full of heartache. “I don’t know if that’s better, you know? If I had pictures of home, maybe I’d just wish for it even more, like I do when I see my mom’s face. I don’t want to forget either. We fought hard for our home, to make it a fairer place. I don’t want something that meant so much to just fade away.”

Quinn made to say something, then paused, then tried again.

“I was thinking,” she said, “if you ever wanted me to, I could try and paint something? I don’t know how well it would work, but you could describe what your house looks like as I paint, maybe we could come up with something?”

Estela knew her cheeks were going pink. Little kindnesses still flustered her, and this was a big kindness. She nodded slowly. “Thanks. It really means a lot. Your art is beautiful, Quinn, you put so much of yourself into it all… some of your paintings it’s like you’ve purged all your emotions into them.”

Probably does the job of a punching bag if you’re Quinn.

“Sometimes it feels that way. I’m lighter afterwards because I’ve lingered in the feelings enough to put them out there.”

“That must help.”

“It does. I know I’m lucky to have that outlet.”

Estela scratched the back of her neck. If Quinn really wanted to do this for her… it really would be wonderful to have an image of home to look to. It didn’t have to be accurate, it was an artist’s impression after all, but it really would mean a lot.

“I’m not the best at drawing,” she said,  “could be worse, though. I could give you a crappy sketch to work from maybe. I’d like to be able to show Taylor the house I grew up in.”

Quinn’s eyes lit up, as if to be able to give something like that was just as much a gift to herself-- she was that kind.

“Then we’ll do it! It’s probably the most useful thing I can do-- help people feel a connection to home.”

Estela’s lip twitched with a small smile. “I dunno. Cake is a pretty useful way of improving someone’s mood. And you’re a good listener. You give a lot.”

It was Quinn’s turn to flush pink. “Thank you. That really means a lot. It’s hard not to feel completely out of my depth with everything that’s happened, but we’re all out of our depth, and I should appreciate what I do have to offer.”

“Yes, you should,” Estela said firmly. “Or I’ll have to set Taylor on you with a pep talk. She’ll be happy to offer her personal cheer-leading services.”

Quinn burst out laughing. “Trust me, she’s already been on to me!”

Figured. Wouldn’t expect anything else. Estela just smiled. How lucky was she to have met someone with that warm, open heart? How lucky were they all…. Taylor would say it was just because she was made for that purpose, that she was programmed that way, but Estela wouldn’t hear it. Taylor was who she was because of the choice she made every day to care. If she was only what Vaanu had created her for, she’d have left now, her purpose fulfilled--but Taylor was a living, breathing, mistake-making member of their family. Just another human being stumbling through life.

Quinn must have noticed Estela’s being lost in thought, seen the smile falter, though she could not know why, know that her Taylor could well be not long for this world.

“I’m so glad you found each other. Taylor’s a special person.”

Too special maybe. If Vaanu had their way, too extraordinary to be allowed to stay.

Estela shook her head gently, pulling herself from that place of darkness. “She says ‘I love you’ with this smile that makes her nose crinkle up, and the way she looks my way and it’s meant to be a quick glance but she gets herself all caught up, like she’s stuck smiling at me. And she gives my fingers the lightest squeeze that’s so soft I could miss it if I didn’t know her so well. She’s always telling me that she loves me, and I’ve got to listen, because it’s honest. She makes me know that I’m loved.”

“That’s beautiful, Estela.”

“That’s her.” Estela swung her hanging leg gently, sloshing in the still water. “It’s still crazy to me that it’s real… that someone can feel that way about me. I mean, I believe it-- it’s just… crazy. And I love her back, more than I could ever say.”

Quinn beamed. Complete romantic as she was, she couldn’t help but gush. “You’re just meant to be! Anyone can see that. I wonder if I’ll find something like you two have… a soulmate. I, um, I have feelings for Michelle.” She chuckled, “Typical me, catching the feels for a straight woman! I don’t expect anything to happen, and I think I’m okay with that. For the first time in a long time, I can really trust that I have time. Even when the experimental treatment worked for a few years, a part of me knew I was still running fast toward a foregone conclusion.”

That was a whole lot of sharing by Estela’s reckoning; Quinn must trust her. She knew Quinn trusted her, but people didn’t just open up to her in this way. Estela realised that she wasn’t just accepted, loved, by her friends; they’d come to see her as a safe place, a support. It was honestly touching.

“That must be really freeing. I’m not… not used to looking forward either,” Estela said quietly. If Quinn wanted to share, she’d offer the same vulnerability in return. “Other than, like… this blinkered tunnel to my goal. After that it was just, nothing. I would either be dead or locked up. I was okay with that. Maybe that’s why you and me adjusted to living here easier than most of the others.”

“I think so. It’s kind of nice to talk to someone who gets it. Don’t get me wrong-- I struggle, especially with knowing how my parents died and that I just got lucky to still be here… but it does feel like I’m going through something different to most everyone else. I didn’t lose a future; I gained one.”

Estela considered Quinn quietly. She hadn’t really imagined there was much they’d shared in common, but there they were.

“So… the future. You just want to… see where it takes you?”

“Yeah,” Quinn smiled. “I couldn’t really ask for a fresher start than this. I’m not ‘The Dying Girl’, so I owe it to myself to find out who it is I am. Maybe romance will be a part of that-- I mean, I hope so-- but mostly I want to know myself better, where I wanna fit in this world.”

“I know it’s just a start,” Estela said, “but you fit in with all of us. You’re a sister to me. Maybe that’s a piece of your puzzle you’re putting together. You’re certainly a piece of mine”

Estela blushed fiercely under the appreciative smile Quinn gave her, a smile glowing with warmth.

“Can I hug you?”

If anything, Estela’s cheeks grew even hotter, but she nodded and opened her arms to Quinn. “Knock yourself out,” she grumbled quietly.

Quinn put her arms around Estela’s middle and squeezed her tight, lingering there to make it quite certain the message was received; ‘you’re a sister to me, too’.

With an exhale, Estela relaxed into the embrace, let herself belong there. It was still new, but she liked it.

“’Stel!”

Quinn gave a little laugh. “That’ll be the wife.”

Sure enough, Taylor was rushing over, towels and snorkels in hand. “Oh-- hey, Quinn! D’you wanna join us? We were going to have a little paddle around the reef.”

“I’ll just grab my things,” she replied. As she stood up, Quinn gave Estela’s shoulder a playful nudge. “Hey, look at that. Her nose does scrunch up when she smiles at you!”

Estela looked back at Taylor, and grinned like an idiot. I love you too, Taylor.

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #18: the prologue (briefly) and meat p1

----brief context----

i sorta fell out of homestuck a little after i finished it and its november now but in light of james roach reviving homestuck beyond canon i figured i might as well get the ball rolling on this. i originally started this post in september but i couldnt find it in myself to continue reading due to not liking where the story was going and also finding myself having a new hyperfixation

----end of context----

september 7th:

okay im gonna make a rule that this shit show thats about to happen is NOT CANON to me and in my head they won and then they created earth c and they all lived happily without any of this inane bullshit thats coming up.

ok to start off look at these fucking tags dude oh my god this is gonna be so BAD man what the FUCK did they do to these characters

theres no art which actually sucks! but with these tags maybe its good they didnt show this in images. instead they just describe it in excruciating detail. anyway, here's the first character interaction in here.... they both feel different. even in this brief exchange, something feels... off. maybe its just cause theyre older but they feel distinctly more... angsty? maybe they just seem sad. i dunno. homestuck has its sad moments but for the most part the characters arent like. sad people

/rolls eyes yeah i like the reference but not in this context...

ok so rose just explained what john has to do which is go back into canon and defeat lord english but.... this is really fucked up man . she knows

meat or candy.... fuck which one should i read first.... do i wanna be sad sooner or sad later ... MAN the epilogues SUCK!!!!! FUCK

um okay this is really gross. what is the point of this?? like EW john what the fuck

ok this is fine i guess i mean i like davekat

i guess i also like how he still has this weird obsession with obama

november 10th:

im back . but i think updates to this series will be slower. i need to ease myself back into it yknow? also. if i hadnt made it clear. i DO NOT LIKE the epilogues. especially because homestuck proper is my FAVORITE MEDIA OF ALL TIME. seeing the characters i love ruined like this in what is the most official capacity it could be in is.... just. sad to me. anyway. dave predicts the future about obama . cool.

yeah i do too man. cant have shit around here

yeah like. what even is this plot. jane has become this evil xenophobic cartoon ass villain. and everyones just like. damn thats crazy that shes just like that now. i also dont even understand WHY she wants to be president of earth c. like literally everyone else is just chilling. god whatever

brother he is not coming back

also, this has nothing to do with the epilogues per se. but at the time of writing this tomorrow will be 11/11. i am a little bit expecting a homestuck beyond canon updateeee hehehe . also burning down the house which is a really really good homestuck fan comic is supposed to update too. so awesome. hopefully both of those things happen. or even like. just one. anyway back to this slop

casual dave xenophobia classic dave you know how it is he would definitely be like this for real i believe this

man this would be so cool if it was like. drawn. i wish i could see it instead of having to envision it in my minds eye. not that i dont appreciate my minds eye for what she has to offer me but. imagine this what this panel would look like

noooooo FUCK

stares at you furiously judgementally

okay both of them most likely dont know shit about shit and neither do i but dave at least grew up in a time where there were people around and things happening and dirk thinks he knows everything but he actually doesnt know anything so i wouldnt trust him on fiscal policy

fym nuh uh

average teen roxy adult john interaction

literally down ontologically at this point

blah blah blah ultimate self blah blah evil arc WHO CARES. im bored. can i say that. i seriously D. GAF about dirk rn. monkey d. gaf

bro i fucking HATE JANE. LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING RIGHT NOW

i dont have much to say about this i just thought it was worth putting here

nah. cause what the hell are you talking about girl. hello. why is she so horny. ong bro u gotta relax

okay well. this is pretty funny . hes dave and im karkat and we are the denial brothers

youre so intolerable is crazy. like hes trying to help you because you are bleeding tf out girl

wow. jane jake kiss. this rules. SAID NO ONE EVER. jake is asexual. jane is a nazi. and I. AM TIRED. OF THIS!!!!!!! I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING .

wait fuck

marvel ass dialogue

NOOOO WHAT THE FUCK

okay this is the end of the first epilogues post. initial thoughts i dont like it why did i do this i dont wanna do it. but you know what they say in order to ascend first you must descend. little homestuck reference for you all. um idk when the next post will be im sorta busier than i used to be. and also? this sucks i dont like reading it

[fierceawakening]

Yeah no, people are just on a hair-trigger on the internet and are probably incorrectly pattern-matching you to the kind of a-holes who say "if you can't provide a logical reason for your traditions (that dont hurt anyone) they're unnecessary so we aren't gonna accommodate them". And anyhow they are being way too narrow about what being Jewish is, I'm secular Jewish and I only follow the traditions that are meaningful and valuable to me, I don't do or want to do All The Things right now

Thank you! That makes sense to me. Like the actual Jews I know, including the ones I follow on here, seem when they tell me what they’re actually DOING to be picking and choosing like I am. But then they make these broad info posts that make it sound like the only people in the world who question tradition are ex Christian atheists, and that we’re only doing it because we’ve experienced religious abuse. And it just feels super rude to me?

Like yes, part of why I vehemently defend anyone’s right to depart from tradition if they want to is that I’ve been in coercive groups! Sure. Guilty as charged your Honor.

But! That’s also had a positive side. Looking at traditions with a critical eye isn’t always about being upset! Sometimes it’s about noticing something is meaningful to you and thinking in depth about why, and realizing neat things about yourself along the way.

Like, I never thought that I’d go back to Christianity. But when I really thought about what religious practice HAD felt good to me, I realized that actually, for myself personally, I want spirituality to be about believing everyone is redeemable. Religion gives me a place to put that, as a higher value, without it being my personal duty to forgive when I find I can’t or feel unsafe.

Which led me to the idea that what I wanted was modified Christianity actually. I already understood and knew the traditions of a religion that did that, and the only thingsstopping me were 1) worry people would find out I don’t literally believe in god and 2) feeling like I’d be giving in to the man.

With 1, I realized that actually a lot of practicing Christians ARE functionally atheist. People don’t say it too loud, but if you look into a lot of art and writing, you’ll find “if there is a God, I pray that…” I realized this is super common! You can find people in Ancient Greece saying things in this way! If it’s common, then… people know about it already, and they only avoid saying they’re agnostic out of neurotypical social conventions. Which I’m not good at, so I say it openly.

Which means there are a whole lot more me's out there than a lot of people think, and that was ultimately enough for me to decide I was True Scotsman enough.

With 2, I realized that I’d become hugely invested in finding something cooler, but that I really didn’t have a concept of what this was. So I was posturing, when I already knew there was a community I would like and fit well into. So, you know? It was 2016 and I was scared and fuck it, I wanted to feel better and I didn’t care anymore.

But is that “I dunno I’m Christian because I just am lol?” It could be said, yes! Likely the reason I went back to how I was raised is in part that it’s how I was raised.

But I would not answer the question that way.

Instead, i would say that I spent a long time suspicious of religion in general, and ultimately thought about what purpose I wanted it to have in my life, so while “practicing Christian “ PROBABLY describes it, I mean something very personal and not generalizable about what I decided religion should be for.

I would be really surprised if some people’s relationship to their Judaism isn’t similar! But the narrative Tumblr has latched onto for dear life is “only Christians are like that. If you think it’s common for adolescents to have concerns around religious identity you don’t know what an ethnoreligion is.”

Which is ESPECIALLY galling to me. Yes I know what an ethnoreligion is, many of my relatives are Greek Orthodox.

Greek, the ethno, is right there in the name!

[yombleflobber-mobile-emporium]

If mirrors aren't real, how can character appearances be portrayed?

A pet peeve of mine in a lot of writing is character physical descriptions. I hate them enough that I try to avoid them unless I feel like it directly furthers the story.

I'm kidding, I only do it if the character I'm describing looks cool.

Why do I hate physical description? Well, aside from the general attitude people have about Men Writing Women and the like — which really just makes me feel self conscious, as a man writing a female lead character — it feels cheap. It feels like when you're at a book sale at your local used bookstore and they put a price sticker in the middle of the cover art on an antique book, and you try to take it off, and the adhesive rips away the art you were trying to see.

I don't know how many times a main character has been rushing to get ready, and stopped to look in the mirror, and then just...examined themselves like some sort of narcissistic douchebag. Their inky black curls tumble down their pixie-shaped face past almond-shaped eyes, a little button nose with a story, invitingly full, luscious lips that rhymes with hips, and what bangable hips those are...

I know not everyone is like me, but I look in the mirror, and I look at my eyes, then maybe fix my hair.

Again, maybe a lot of people just can't help but think about their honest-looking eyes, and their forehead furrowed in a crinkle as they think about their friend. They force themselves to relax, and chuckle a little. They've really filled out since they were a newborn baby screaming after just being delivered, and it is impossible to deny the rugged handsomeness of that chiseled jawline, that five-o'clock shadow that they've been chasing halfheartedly for years, or that delicate, almost feminine curve to their lips that they inherited from their dead mother because we have to cram as much character development as we can into this character looking at the mirror casually.

It's not even just the, like, overly sensual descriptions, it's the idea in general (it's just funnier to me to write the overly sensual descriptions), because it's always a massive immersion break.

I'm pretty sure that's usually why the "mirror scene" happens fairly early on in the story, or in a lull in the action, to signify that "things have changed" and they've lost that childlike innocence they've been holding onto for forty years. It still manages to feel like an immersion break early on because the exposition at the beginning of a story is only about immersion. I get you had a vision for what the character looks like and wanted to tell us, but...

Am I wrong? Are normal people going around constantly thinking in detail what they, and the people they associate with, look like? Again, leaving aside the gratuitous nature of MWW, what's weird about it isn't just that some guys have apparently never seen a woman in their life, it's that they suddenly turn to the camera and say, "That's my old friend over there. Her appearance is basically pre-loaded into my brain because we're friends and I'm maybe into her romantically, but for your benefit, I'm going to talk about her thighs."

I think "mirror scenes" can work really well in movies, because often it can have the opposite effect of making me sympathize with a character when they do something relatable in the mirror.

Female character gets out of the shower in a towel, while brushing her teeth. She dries her hair off a little, listlessly regarding her reflection for a moment. She spits, makes some faces in the mirror, maybe plucks at some strands of hair, and leaves. Maybe she pops a zit, I dunno.

Hey, I do that! Imagine if a character in a movie did the book thing.

Female character on the way out the door stops and looks at herself in the mirror. She looks her body up and down, smiling wistfully, then chuckles ruefully, shakes her head and leaves.

No, really. That's basically what happens in books. I get that it can be an easy way to establish what a character looks like, and how they feel about it, but, again, it feels cheap.

Anyway.

Rant over.

[frostbite-the-bat]

i love randomly feeling bad bc im like only ever in my own toontown bubble and i go out for 1 second then retract back to my own stuff and while that is valid and i can enjoy things how i want with my own people just as validly as anyone else i cant help but feel bad not being like.. "on topic"...? if that makes sense. like. im in the fandom im a fan but im not... *in*...? the fandom? i only interact with people i know and people that ask ME stuff. i dont know what any other people do aside form me unless i know them already. i have like all things brought to me because i don't seek it due to my own insecurities and just.. wishes to keep myself safe due to me sensitivities

which makes sense ! and it makes me happier to be here but i can't help but just... feel weird about it. i feel out of place. i know on my toon blog there's some eyes on me but i don't know who or how many... how many of it is the same people?? (also yknow. people recognizing me in-game often enough. even STAFF MEMBERS...) something just.. feels wrong and i feel out of place. i feel different from everyone else in an odd way that i cannot describe. i feel like i just slipped in and now im pretending and doing my best to be accepted by the outside fandom despite myself not engaging in stuff actively there

not to mention my brain is a bitch, and im hard on myself with my art currently as i keep just. seeing this amazing art and instead of getting inspired i get jealous. ill never get those same skills and ill never be as fast as that making just.. fun art. im tired of being tired and im tired of being lazy and slow with things... i feel like i only just. draw boring stuff. and the stuff i put effort into nobody cares about.

i dunno. just. yeah.

im gonna stay in my place, always. that was my intention since day one just to keep myself safe. but also its fandom stuff. shouldnt i be stronger than this? shouldnt i be supportive to others more? isnt this just selfish?

but if anyone else told me this, i wouldnt think this. i believe curating your own experience knowing certain things genuinely do not make you feel good - that it's okay! and you can do whatever. but telling that to myself is... eeyikes. yeah. i dunno. whatever.

[ohnohetaliasues]

Milky Way (APH OC)

At the request of @ilovemaryland345 I’ll be taking a look at a few OCs that they recommended to me. This is one of them. The other is the Confederate States, which I just hope is not as racist as it sounds.

Anyway, let’s get funky. 

Milky Way is a small loli-like girl in the universe. 

Reservations aside about making an OC for the entire fucking galaxy, why on earth would she be child sized? She’s literally billions of years old. I think a being that is chronologically that old would at least be adult sized.

Her mother would be Galaxy, 

Isn’t she the galaxy? She’s her own mother? Excuse me?

and her closest friend, Time. 

I don’t even have a proper reaction for that. All I can say is that an OC in Hetalia that is the very concept of time is utterly absurd. She’s her own mother and she is also best friends with Time. Right, got it.

Milky Way is the representation of the Milky Way. Another name for her is Dreamland.

Dreamland. 

She-- HUH?

Like I genuinely don’t know what the fuck to say to that. She, who is also the fucking galaxy, is also dreamland? What? How does that work? HOW? 

Appearance

Milky Way has dark purple hair with magenta ends. Her eyes are a magenta-pinkish colour, with little hearts in her eyes. Dreamland (It's a nickname, she is often called perfection and perfection can only be achieved in dreams hence the name Dreamland.) 

Wow, okay so just. A blatant Mary Sue. Also, no. I’m setting aside the absurdity of this OC for a few seconds to think logically, if that’s possible here. 

No Hetalia characters have unnaturally colored hair. They look like the country they represent, as in, what the largest population of people from that nation look like. They can’t even dye their hair. I just-- My brain is hurting. This is not an OC that works in Hetalia.

has her hair in bunches, most like Nyo!Canada's. Her magenta fringe hides most of her forehead. On top, she has a heartlike curl on the side of her head.

Milky Way normally wears pastel goth clothing, mostly like this:[1] (Credit to artist, it's really pretty!)

There was a link there, and the art linked to it is very good, but I removed it, because I’m unsure if that is stolen art or not, and I don’t promote stolen art here on this blog.

Personality

Milky Way is happy and optimistic person, who can be seen as annoying. Not many people are able to see her, and therefore is a dandere. 

Okay so that’s just not what a dandere is. A dandere is an antisocial, timid, and shy character who doesn’t express emotions very much. Think Hinata Hyuuga from Naruto or Shigeo Kageyama from Mob Psycho 100. Sure, Mob is cheerful enough, but he’s also not really an expressive person. The personality described above is an oxymoron, is all I’m saying.

She has no social experience outside of the magic trio. Since Italy (Galileo Galilei discovered the Milky Way, and he was from Italy.) had been the one to discover her, she has many traits from him such as being an optimistic person. Her salty side is never really shown, because she isn't fond if being savage like one of her founders. (Romano~).

Um, okay. That’s all I can say. Because I genuinely don’t know how to react to that. Galileo was indeed the first to see the Milky Way through a telescope, so I guess that could be a connection to Italy. However, as far as we know, billions of undiscovered worlds could be somewhere off in the galaxy, and I don’t know if us humans would’ve been the first to observe the galaxy. It just feels odd to me that she’d be so connected to Italy. I guess since he’s one of the main characters in Hetalia, but I dunno, something just bothers me about that.

Backstory/History

Milky Way used to be a depressed little ball of feelings. Her mother Galaxy never really had time for her, and so Milky Way was alone.

SHE IS THE GALAXY. MILKY WAY = GALAXY. IT IS CALLED THE MILKY WAY GALAXY. 

 (Her appearance at the time: short magenta-pink hair, with emotionless eyes. She was always so dull.)

Wait why the fuck would her appearance change?

One day, she saw the Earth. A small person was smiling up at her, with his telescope. That man was later known as Galileo Galilei. He ran to tell Italy, so was ecstatic. Romano, on the other hand, was not as excited.

Why? Why wouldn’t he think that was cool? 

When they came to see, Milky Way felt happy. She felt noticed. It was a nice feeling for her, and the first time she'd ever felt it. The Italies welcomed her with open arms, though she felt a little wistful in the country of Italy. Upon talking to her, the Italies realised she was not of Italia origin and wondered. They took her to the next World Meeting, asking anyone and everyone if they knew her. No one knew her of course, but they were intruiged by her.

Okay so that just doesn’t make any sense. She was discovered by Galileo, and Italy and Romano just assumed she was a part of Italy or of Italian origin? Why? Did Galileo just not tell them anything and let them assume he just found a piece of Italy floating off in space? Are they stupid? Did they physically go into space to speak to her? How did they get a message to her? 

This is fucking absurd, and I have so many questions.

Granted that not all of them trusted her or welcomed her with open arms like the Italies, she always loved the countries.

I thought Romano didn’t, but sure, okay.

Now she lives with her mother Galaxy, and comes to visit her good friends.

So the OC creator just is under the impression that the galaxy isn’t the same thing as the Milky Way. Did they mean to make this an OC for the Solar System? Because that would make so much more sense. It would still be silly, but less egregious. 

 (Italy & Romano, although Southern Italy never really grew found of her...)

But didn’t it just say they welcomed her with open arms? Did Romano just decide to lie about that?

She tries to make friends, but it never really works out.

With who? I mean, there could be some cool things done with this, if she was an OC for just the solar system. She could be acquainted with America, Russia, China, etc, because of the international space station. 

2P!talia/Cardverse/Nyotalia/2P!Nyotalia

Dreamland's 2P is a blonde haired gothic girl. Her pale blonde hair was in a short pixie cut, with electric blue eyes. She normally wears black clothing. Here's an example... [2]

That link actually led to nothing, just a grey image of nothing with an error message. I removed the link regardless.

She is extra salty, and rarely shows her sweet side. Being a kuudere character, she's quite popular with other countries because she is quite the mysterious character.

This entire thing makes my head hurt.

Dreamland's Cardverse is non-existent for now. She dwells where the Wasteland of Cardverse is: [3]

That led to a broken Deviantart link. I think the upload was deleted. I’m also not familiar with Hetalia’s Cardverse, I haven’t interacted with the fandom as much as I used to in quite some time. 

Dreamland's Nyotalia has pale pink hair dip-dyed into blue. He wears something similar to this: [4]

His personality is cute, and very, very modest when it comes to praise.

Link deleted again, because I’m not sure if that’s stolen art or not. Even if it isn’t and the OC creator drew it, I don’t want to repost anyone’s art without permission.

Dreamland's 2P!Nyotalia looks like this: [5]

Another broken Deviantart link.

Relationships/Trivia

Milky Way has no comfirmed religion/ethnicity. (Although, I like to think of her as a Scientologist, believing in the Big Bang Theory etc.)

That... That isn’t what Scientology is. I also believe in the Big Bang Theory, but that doesn’t make me a Scientologist. Scientology is an actual cult. It isn’t just a religion based on facts and logic because it has ‘science’ in the name. 

Her relationship with Galaxy is kind of tattered.

Guess she needs to work on self love.

Dreamland is a panromantic asexual.

Another few people she knows are Romania, Norway & England mainly because of their magic. America & Canada are also some acquaintances. Even though she has not spent that much time with France, she takes SOME of her personality from him.

Why? Just... Why? Like, what logical reason is there for that?

Milky Way is a dandere.

I’ve lost the will to fight.

She looks around 11 years old, but is actually 31.

What? Just... huh? Why? I reiterate my point from the beginning, the Milky Way is a galaxy that is billions of years old. I have no idea why she would look 11 years old, but the fact that it says she’s 31 is even more baffling. Where the fuck did that number come from?

Her birthdate is 2nd December, being a Sagittarius. (The Milky Way's constellation is Sagittarius.)

The-- Okay. Sure. But there are also so many more constellations aside from that one in the Milky Way. Because the Milky Way is a galaxy. Full of stars. 

Her full name is Daphne (Italian spelling is: Dafne) Dreamland. Her origin/ethnicity is unknown for the moment~ Dreamland knows all the countries; it's just that they don't know her.

~ The end, for now ~

I have no words. I just... I don’t. I don’t even know how I can be constructive here. I have so many questions. 

How would this even work in canon Hetalia? I am left with a blank. I genuinely have nothing to say. I’m left with so many unanswered questions.

-Kat