#it's so anxiety inducing but i hope they understand

[sleep-nurse]

i sure do love having to contact people because they fucking repost my artwork without my permission

[9w1ft]

Do you ever think how awkward and apologetic Taylor (and Karlie) must be sometimes when people get a bit out of control with the "shipping" with some of their friends, whether close or acquaintances?

yeah what a weird subject to broach especially with new friends like oh by the way i don’t want to alarm you as we walk out this door but you’re about to have about 27 strangers dedicate themselves to proving that you’re hooking up with me. hope you find that amusing. okay let’s head out thanks for dinner!!

[ciatana]

i am going to pride tomorrow and im gonna have a good day with my friends!!!

[c0smiccom3t]

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Turns out that I have an art history exam on the 29th, and coincidentally its on the same day as D.D's anniversary. So, to focus on both studies and my magnum opus im not gonna be online until the afternoon of may 29th. Also the time of the month started and i feel exhausted so... Yeah.

Hope you guys understand. Thank you <3

[semisolidmind]

Drops these thoughts in exchange for absolutely mauling your art.

Saved catnap would be down right horrifying to encounter in the woods-

If your just going for a quick walk, I think he’d just stalk you, ensuring you never get close to Angel’s property.

If you’re there for other reasons……well….CatNap has been debating making a new shire for Angel….(much to everyone else’s dismay and horror…)

And if the person sneaking onto the property has features resembling Angel (hair, eyes, clothing, etc), it gets a little…..off putting to into the barn….

(Also the image of CatNap just licking poor Angel while they’re sleeping beside him is so strong. Even more if he’s doing it to annoy DogDay and rub his scent on angel. Gotta lay your claim to your savior somehow!)

(oh god...catnap barn shrine.... consists of some stolen shirts, a comb, perhaps a throw blanket and some pillows, a picture (with anyone other than y/n scratched out) stolen from the mantle, a spare hairtie or two...anything catnap can get his paws on while the others are distracted or out of the house)

and the idea of catnap occasionally "borrowing" his savior has been on my mind. like, he'll get just close enough to them, quietly from behind, to subtly breath a little red smoke on them. just enough to knock them out. then he'll gently carry them up to his nest in the barns' hayloft. he just wants to hold them, but knows y/n doesn't trust him enough to really let him close.

he spends that time where they're knocked out nuzzling them and purring up a storm. he knows the stupid dog will be breaking down his door to retrieve y/n as soon as he realizes they're gone, so....catnap makes the most of his time with them.

–

ive also been imagining a scene where y/n leaves dogday and the girls inside to make dinner, and goes out onto the back porch. it's dark, and they can't really see much beyond where the porch light can reach, but...they know catnap is out there. they can see the barest trace of his lanky silhouette in the trees beyond the barn.

his white pupils glow through the gloom. his heavy stare pins y/n in place.

with no better ideas, y/n sits, legs dangling over the edge of the deck. they maintain eye contact with catnap. after a beat of silence, they make the one noise no cat can resist.

pssp pssp pssp.

catnap is confused, if the perk of his ears and small tilt of his head is anything to go by.

but, he does take a slow step out of the trees, recognizing the sound as a summons. he begins to cross the yard, getting closer, never taking his eyes off of y/n. his slow stalking gait is anxiety inducing, but y/n tries to keep it together. they have a plan.

they want to get catnap more comfortable with them, with the house, to help better integrate him into their little family. perhaps a little TLC will make the stray cat more personable.

he looks ready to run despite his intimidating facade. his long tail flicks from side to side. curious, but cautious. his eyes never leave y/n.

catnap slowly gets closer and closer, eventually coming into the light. y/n always forgets how big he and dogday actually are; that sheer size is less threatening on dogday, who y/n knows won't hurt them. they're not so sure about catnap.

the massive toy looms over them in spite of his cautious, low posture.

y/n slowly raises their hands, palms upturned. an invitation.

catnap's eyes flicker to their hands for a second before returning to their face. y/n can only hope he understands what they're inviting him to do.

the feline slowly, carefully, steps forward. he sets his heavy head into y/n's palms. he begins to purr when they ever so softly begin to scratch his chin and behind his ears.

moving out of y/n's space, catnap backs away. quiet and uneasy, y/n lets him go. they know that the process of "rehabilitating" him will take time and patience. getting him used to them and the others will be a struggle. but for now, they're just happy that they could get him to accept touch at all.

he knows that the small, tentative smile on their face is...proud, perhaps. happy that he's accepted their care. despite his hesitation, he soaks in the feeling of his savior's hands on him. he can't remember the last time he'd felt a gentle touch. catnap leans into the motions, eyelids drooping a little in contentment. his white eyes remain locked on y/n's face, his pupils dilating a bit. they seem more at ease with him like this. he basks in their simple affection for several minutes, his purring the only sound; he's thoroughly enjoying the peaceful moment between the two of them.

however, a crash from inside and the raucous voices of the other toys startle him into alertness. his eyes widen, pupils shrinking back to slits and his ears lay flat against his head. he hears y/n gasp in surprise, pulling their hands back. catnap's a bit disappointed at the loss of their touch, but knows that it's better not to invite the ire of the other toys by lingering too long. the moment has passed, and he can feel y/n's unease growing again.

the large toy stalks off into the darkness. y/n waits until he's safely beyond the trees to stand and open the door. they cast one last look into the night before heading back inside to mediate whatever accident just occurred.

catnap, as standoffish as he appears, treasures the small gesture he's just received. he returns to the woods, pleased and purring to himself; thinking about the scrap of affection he's been granted from the hands of his beloved savior. he'll be sure to seek them out for more.

[unboundprompts]

Hello!!! I hope you don't mind doing this one,

Can you help me write a traumatized person who's having trouble talking because of past trauma? (They can still interact with people, but only with signs and movements, not voice) and also a little anxious

Tell me if you need more details =)

How to Write a Mute / Non-Speaking Character

-> healthline.com

-> verywellhealth.com

-> descriptionary.wordpress.com

Types of Mutism:

selective mutism: having the ability to speak but feeling unable to.

organic mutism: mutism caused by brain injury, such as with drug use or after a stroke.

cerebellar mutism: mutism caused by the removal of a brain tumor from a part of the skull surrounding the cerebellum, which controls coordination and balance.

aphasia: when people find it difficult to speak because of stroke, brain tumor, or head injury.

What Causes Selective Mutism in Adults?

having another anxiety condition, like separation anxiety or social anxiety

experiencing physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

having a family history of selective mutism or social anxiety

having fewer opportunities for social contact

having an extremely shy personality

having a speech or language disorder, learning disability, or sensory processing disorder

parent-child enmeshment, or lack of clear boundaries in the relationship

traumatic experiences

Traumatic Mutism vs Trauma-Induced Selective Mutism

if you have traumatic mutism, you may be unable to talk in all situations following a trauma.

with trauma-induced selective mutism, you may find it impossible to talk only in certain situations-- for example, in front of the person who hurt you or in a setting that resembles the circumstances of your trauma.

Different Ways Individuals with Mutism May Choose to Communicate:

Nonverbal Communication: they may rely on facial expressions, gestures, eye contact, and body language to convey their thoughts, emotions, and intentions.

Writing or Typing: they may use a pen and paper, digital devices, or communication apps to write messages, notes, or responses.

Sign Language: they can convey meaning, emotions, and engage in complex conversations through hand signs, facial expressions, and body movements.

Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) Devices: these devices provide individuals with a range of tools and technologies to support their communication needs. They can include speech-generating devices, picture boards, apps, or software that allows users to select words, phrases, or symbols to generate spoken or written output.

Communication Boards and Visual Aids: Communication boards or charts with pictures, symbols, or words can assist individuals in conveying their messages.

Assistive Technology: various assistive technologies, such as speech-to-text apps, text-to-speech programs, or eye-tracking devices that aid individuals with communication.

Tips on Writing a Mute / Non-Speaking Character:

Explore the vast array of nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, body language, gestures, and eye contact. Use descriptions to convey their intentions and reactions.

Utilize internal dialogue. Offer readers a window into their internal thought process, and turn their internal dialogue into a narrative that reveals their inner struggles, triumphs, and complexities so that reader can connect with the character.

Establish a communication system that is unique to your character (Sign language, written notes, telepathy in a fantasy setting, etc.). Having a communication system allows your character to interact with other characters and contribute to the narrative.

Surround them with Understanding Characters that can aid in communcation and fostering meaningful relationships.

Establish the Barriers/Conflicts They'll Experience. Don't forget to be realistic.

Your character is not defined by their inability to speak. Make sure you do not write stereotypes and cliches. Being mute is only one aspect of their identity rather than their defining trait.

Do your research! Seek out firsthand accounts, experiences, and perspectives. Check out online forums and resources to gain insights into their unique challenges, adaptations, and strengths.

If you like what I do and want to support me, please consider buying me a coffee! I also offer editing services and other writing advice on my Ko-fi! Become a member to receive exclusive content, early access, and prioritized writing prompt requests.

[mrchiipchrome]

Call Your Girlfriend

W.C. - 2.2k

This is a prologue to ‘New Girlfriend’ but I might make another version of it to give this a different ending…

Also much love to Robyn who made my childhood and the song this is based on:)

—————————————————————

“Call your girlfriend, it’s time you had the talk.” The laughter died down just the moment before Olga utter the words Alexia dreads. She knew that what she was doing was wrong, that going out with another woman when you were at home waiting at home for her was cruel. Yet she still did it.

“What?” Alexia watches as the girl beside her rolls her eyes, bringing her lukewarm drink up to her lips to take a quick sip. It doesn’t soothe her dry throat, the saliva in Alexia’s mouth turning thick and making it hard for her to accentuate her words.

“Don’t play dumb with me Alexia, it doesn’t suit you.” Olga’s eyes soften when she notices Alexia’s almost crestfallen look, taking the Barcelona captain into her arms.

“I don’t think I’m ready.” Alexia mutters into the fabric of the other girl’s dress, the badly lit pub barely letting her see her ‘girlfriend’ much less the judgemental look she gets from the bartender every time she looks in their direction.

“I don’t want to be a secret anymore, I don’t want to sneak around like this. And it’s not fair to Y/n to keep this from her any longer, it’s only going to hurt her more if we wait.” Olga strokes the midfielder’s hair, speaking carefully so as to not make her girlfriend feel any worse by the situation.

“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to tell her, ‘hey Y/n, I went behind your back and got into a relationship with another woman, hope you’re okay with that because there’s really not a lot you can do here, adios!’” Alexia is sarcastic when she replies to the woman currently holding her, running her hands over her face the moment Olga shifts her grip to settle on her arms instead of her back.

“No Alexia, just call her and say that you two need to talk, then just let your heart take over, she’s going to understand what you’re going through and accept it.” Olga reassures the footballer softly, trying to get her to understand that she couldn’t dictate what Alexia were to say to her official girlfriend.

“I don’t think that she’s just going to accept us and move on, I mean would you?” The deep breath that Olga lets out signals to Alexia that she knew exactly what it was she was doing, and that it wasn’t working.

“Alexia, just do it, you don’t have to do it out here, maybe go to the bathroom for some privacy.” The football player nods her head confidently, picking up her phone and walking towards the bathroom with sure steps. Alexia has to reassure herself that her hands were shaking solely because of the alcohol coursing through her veins, and not because she was going to tell you about her affair.

Dialing your number was something she could do in her sleep by now, the familiar 10 digit number engraved into her brain with how many times she had used it. Her nail makes a cracking noise when she chews on it, the loud tone her phone gives out as it waits for you to pick up the phone is slightly more anxiety inducing than the quiet atmosphere of the bathroom.

“Amor? Has something happened? Do I need to pick you up somewhere?” Your voice was full of sleep, a groan slipping past your lips as you stretch, the uncomfortable couch basically a substitute for your bed by now. You wanted to stay up and wait for her every time she went out, no matter if she told you not to.

“No, no you don’t have to pick me up anywhere, but uhhh…we need to talk.” Alexia’s eyes shift to look at the different things drawn on the walls of the stall, a couple of phone numbers and a few doodles of random animals. Anything not to look at her phone, that would be like looking straight into your eyes. She couldn’t do that, not whilst knowing that she had cheated on you both emotionally and physically.

“What do you want to talk about? What’s happening?” The blankets rustling and the creaking of the couch tells Alexia that you sat up, the worried tone in your voice something that she couldn’t avoid no matter what she did.

“Us, we need to talk about us. Something has happened, something that’s not your fault at all, not even in the slightest. I did something stupid.” You can tell whatever is about to come out of her mouth is going to break your heart the second her voice trembles, the way it shakes with uncertainty and guilt. You can almost see her, sitting in a bathroom cubicle in a random pub, biting her nails as she tries to get the words out.

“What, did you cheat on me or something?” Alexia’s heart nearly stops at your joking tone, she knew that you used humour to cope with the difficult feelings, a mask of comedy something you often hid behind to make it all feel easier.

At Alexia’s silence you understand exactly what she had done, and you can almost feel the way your heart breaks into a million pieces. For a few moments there’s only the silence, the tense, charged silence that makes Alexia want to turn her phone off and return back to her side piece’s comforting arms.

“I-uh I met someone, someone who understands me and loves me unconditionally, and uh someone who knows how I’m feeling without needing to ask. I don’t know how or why, but I fell for her. It had nothing to do with you, not at all.” As Alexia talks she hears the eerie silence coming from your end of the line. She exhaled loudly when she’s done, almost like a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

“Why? Why would you do something like that?” Suddenly Alexia hears how you sniffle, and she can’t help but feel like she’s going to cry too. A few silent tears slip down her cheeks, the salt leaving tracks down her beautiful face. Despite everything, you still think that she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.

“Please don't get upset. Please don’t cry.” The words come out as a wayward whisper, Alexia’s voice not strong enough to carry like it usually does. The strong captain of your team was no longer there, in her place was a cheating excuse of a woman.

“What do you mean? Are you fucking kidding me Alexia? Do you actually expect me to not cry as you throw a three year fucking relationship away like it’s yesterday’s news? Did you actually ever love me or was that a lie too?” The sobs between the words you speak makes Alexia’s heart feel like it’s tightening in her chest, she never wanted to make you cry. The guilt of her affair was slowly creeping up on her, every tear down your face cutting off a piece of her heart that you held.

“Don’t second-guess all my actions from the past few years because they were all genuine, I have never said an I love you that I didn’t mean. Come on Y/n, you know me, I never meant to hurt you or anyone else for that matter.” The way Alexia speaks so matter-of-factly just serves to make your heart break that much more, by now it has to be in at least a billion pieces.

But you didn’t know her, the words she spoke weren’t true, because your Alexia, the Alexia you fell in love with would never do something like that. She would never seek out another woman for comfort, the thought would never even cross your girlfriend’s mind.

“Do I know you? You’re not the Alexia that I fell in love with, the Alexia that I fell in love with would never break my heart into a billion pieces.” Alexia knows she deserves every harsh thing that you say, every cold flash going down her arms, every salty tear touching her lips, every single little thing that happened. You can hear the way she sniffles from your side of the phone, rolling your eyes at the way she was crying because of something she did to herself.

“I cannot help how I feel Y/n, I can’t help that I fell in love with someone else. Olga just gives me something that I didn’t even know I missed, the way she kisses me is different, the way she looks at me is different, the way she loves me is different. And I know that none of this makes any sense to you right now, but I just want you to know that I’m still your friend.” Alexia chooses her words carefully, to not hurt you even more than she already had. She needed you to know that she was there for you even though she had caused your hurt in the first place.

“Oh so we’re only friends now? Is that what you told her when you were out sucking face?” The words felt weird when they came out of your mouth, like they were foreign, like they didn’t belong being thrown at the woman you loved.

“No.” You laugh at the simple response, your eyes red and your face full of tear tracks, new ones being created every second.

“So she knew that I was your girlfriend and she still chose to go after you? Did you ever even think about how much it would hurt me when you were out fucking her?” It felt like your heart would break out of your chest, the way it pounded against your rib cage like a jackhammer. All the times Alexia would go out, saying that it was some event or a gathering she needed to attend, flashed in front of your eyes, the sheer amount of times making the tears start to fall once again.

“I can’t answer that.” Alexia hears the way you sigh, quite obviously getting your answer in her inexpressive one. You try to wipe the tears that just keep on coming, not making much progress at all in trying to get the stains off your face.

“How do you expect me to get over this, get over you? You have my heart in the palm of your hand and there’s no way that I can change that, no matter how much I hate you.” Alexia feels even more guilty at your sobbed confession, the sincerity in your voice leaving no questions to be answered. You were so utterly in love with her that you thought it wouldn’t ever disappear.

“You’ll learn. You’ll learn how to mend your own heart, you’ll learn how to love someone else, you’ll learn how to get over this heartbreak.” She speaks softly, like Olga did earlier as she explains to you how to live without her, how to fall in love with someone that wasn’t her.

“What if I don’t want to learn, what if I only ever want you?” It was like you’d opened up your chest to her, laid your heart bare for her to do whatever she wanted to, for her to crush between her slender fingers, for her to rip apart with her nails. You were so vulnerable, so weak, so dismantled in front of her that Alexia was taken aback, words stolen directly from her mouth.

“Then you’ll lead a life of misery, and I don’t want that for you. Please, go find someone for yourself, someone who makes you as happy as I once made you.” With the last breath of love that she’d give you in your lifetime, Alexia hangs up the phone.

A mix of sorrow and relief courses through her body as she exits the bathroom, feeling like a completely new woman. The weight of your relationship is no longer there to tie her down, no longer did she have to sneak around because there wasn’t anyone to hide from anymore. She was finally content for the first time in a long while.

“How did it go?” Olga asks her, fingers digging into the midfielder’s waistband. Her worried tone made Alexia relax, knowing that she had someone to go home to. She didn’t even think about you not having the same luxury anymore.

“Good, she accepted it.” Olga smiles at her, that beautiful smile that had Alexia falling head over heels for her, that smile that robbed you of your relationship.

“Let’s go home.”

As Alexia and Olga laid together in bed that night, cuddling and speaking soft words into the night air, you were back home, at the apartment you once shared with the brunette, crying until it felt like you couldn’t cry anymore.

You wrapped your arms around your own midsection, pretending that someone, anyone was there to comfort you right in that moment.

It was in that feeling of loneliness and heartbreak that you decided to take her advice.

You were going to learn how to love again, no matter what it took.

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART III

Bangchan x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Chan become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (11,7k words)

Author's note: Season 3 is done! See you on the next season :)

YOU: $0? [Facepalms] So, where do we go from here?

-

The bright sunny day is not working to cheer everyone up after the shocking announcement that there's no money left in the prize fund.

You've been sitting outside with Chan, holding each other's hand and trying to process everything while looking at the beautiful view of the endless sea and the surface of water glimmering under the sun.

Chan has been quiet for too long and it's concerning. You decide to break the silence, shaking his hand and saying, "We spent too much money, babe."

He sighs and rubs the back of your hand with his thumb, "Too much."

You don't want to put salt on the wound but it's time to face the the truth that you both fucked up.

"We let them down. We let everyone down," you say with a heavy heart.

He looks at you and sees you in the eyes, "I'm sure there'll be a way to make it up to them."

He doesn't sound that confident with what he said but you're grateful that in a time like this, he tries his best to comfort you.

"And we'll show them that we have a genuine connection," he says with a soft smile.

You return the smile and put your other hand on your clasped hands, "We took a big step last night."

Physical connection is not that new to you but after last night, you can feel that something shifts between the two of you into something that is peculiarly new yet familiar at the same time.

"I feel closer. I feel more connected to you," you honestly tell him the changes you felt.

"That's true," he agrees with a smile that is more brighter and hopeful than before.

You take the chance to comfort him this time and sweetly smile at him, "We got each other," you remind him.

It's you and him versus everyone. For better or worse, through ups and downs, you face it together. You may be at the bottom now but you're sure you both will be back on top, together.

"Always," he says.

He brings your mouth close to his mouth and kisses it, "Since day one."

That makes you take a look back. You've been going through so much together and it makes you realize that with him, you feel like you can do anything.

Together you are invincible.

-

YOU: I feel terrible for what I did but at least, now I no longer doubt the feelings I have for Chris. It feels real now and it's scary... in the best way.

-

In the afternoon, Lana calls everyone to the cabana.

Chan hasn't recovered from the announcements from this morning yet so he's not keen to know what's coming his way, he has an inkling that it's not good for him and you.

Just like you read his mind, you place a soft kiss on his neck and wipe the lipstick mark you left on it with your thumb.

"We got each other," you whisper.

Chan is grateful for you, you've been so open and understanding, even though he's a hard-shell type of person, you make it hard for him not to let you in.

The chime comes and Jace gags in response. The melodic chime is certainly, anxiety-inducing.

"The prize fund is currently at $0," Lana announces as if everyone has forgotten about it.

"However, there will be more tests and opportunities to replenish the prize fund," she further informs.

It's like everyone is collectively letting out a big sigh of relief and getting a breath of fresh air at the mention that there's a way to return some money into the pot.

"I'll commence the first test," Lana continues.

Chan gets stressed once again and so is everyone. Test means he's not doing great, test means that it's not going to be easy, test means bad.

The worst thing that could happen is his name got called by Lana for that test.

Like he manifested it into reality, Lana does call his name along with yours. He sees you look at him and feels bad that he can't show a brave face to you.

"I gifted you watches as an incentive to connect on a physical level for the right reasons. Yet you have shown a complete disregard for my gift and your fellow guests."

He looks at you and you put on a thin smile for him, he puts his arm around you to pull you closer, he needs something to hold on to.

"Therefore, drastic action is required," Lana sternly says.

-

CHRIS: I've messed up. Big time. [Deeply exhales]

-

Deep down, you know you deserve what's coming for you but you don't want to go home, no, not yet.

"You both..." Lana drags her words to heighten the suspense.

You and Chan still have some growing to do as a couple and if Lana is kind enough to let you stay, you'd be very grateful. If not, then... it's not like you didn't see this coming.

You have to own up to your mistakes so whatever happens, you will try to accept it.

"... have 12 hours to prove you can connect on a deeper, more emotional level."

You feel a little lighter knowing that it's not an elimination but it's not time to be relieved yet, you're still waiting for the catch.

"If you fail to get a green light in those 12 hours, your time here will be terminated."

There it is. The catch. This is you and Chan's biggest test yet. There's no wasting time, you have 12 hours to prove or you go home.

"Your time starts now!" Lana announces.

-

YOU: This is going to be a challenge for us. We've never really talked about our emotions.

-

It's going to be harder for Chan.

He realizes he rarely talked about his feelings with you. His default setting is to show affection through actions so he is never good at verbalizing it.

"I don't want to go home," you tell him, cuddling on the sofa outside, "I want to spend more time with you."

He holds your hand and puts it close to his chest, "I don't want to go home either but I just—"

He inhales air and finishes his sentence, "It's not easy for me, talking about emotions."

"We can try," you say with your fingers lightly caressing his bare chest.

You tilt your head to face him, "You know what? I'll start," you volunteer.

He puts your hair away from being blown by the wind and holds it there for you, "Yeah?"

"Remember when we first met and I made you tell your name again?"

He nods as the recollection of it plays in the back of his head.

"I pretended not to hear it because I wanted those lips near me," you confess with a giggle.

He can't tell if you're trying to get a green light or just want to make him feel better, either way, he finds it adorable of you.

You check your watch and pout seeing that it's not turning green, "Well, it's worth a try," you say with a laugh.

As he breaks into laughter, he pulls you close and kisses you on the cheek.

"No need to hurry," you playfully say.

You rub his back and place a sweet kiss on his neck, "We still have like ten hours to get a green light."

That only reminds him to hold you tighter, he needs it more now than ever after knowing that he possibly wouldn't be able to do it again.

-

CHRIS: I find it hard to open up and talk about my feelings. Not sure I can do it.

-

With time keep slipping out of your hand, and your heart is getting worried.

You give Chan space and time to be on his own, organizing his thoughts and maybe it'll help him find the courage to talk about what he truly feels.

You remind yourself that it'll not be his fault if both of you end up getting eliminated. So you let go of the guilt and prepare yourself for the worst outcomes.

Before he leaves for his workshop, you pull him aside and warmly hug him.

"I really like you, Chris," you murmur.

You look up and softly smile at him, "I care about you."

You don't want to pressure him but you want to let him know that whatever happens, you will have no hard feelings nor hold a grudge against him.

"I know it's tough for you to open up but if you weren't ready, it's okay. If we got sent home, that doesn't mean things between us are over, you know that?" You say with a smile.

"I know," he lowly answers.

You stand on your tiptoes to plant a long kiss on his cheek, "Don't pressure yourself, okay, baby?"

He nods and hugs you back, locking you in his big arms because this might be the last time you embrace each other like this.

-

YOU: This is more difficult than I thought. At that moment, I think we might be going home.

-

"That dress looks good on you, darling!" Dani praises you as she watches you checking your appearance on the big mirror in the dressing room.

"Yeah?" You ask yourself why bother looking this good on your last night in the retreat.

"Yes," you suddenly shout.

"I want to look good when I get eliminated," you take a jab at yourself and laugh.

"Nah..." Lola groans, "Don't say that!"

Dani props her chin with her hand and looks at you, "You're going to get that green light tonight," she says.

The boys are back from the workshop not long ago but they're all coming back with paints on their bodies. Chan is still showering and it'll take more time to get dressed.

You're waiting for him by the fire pit, sipping your wine while half-heartedly listening to Pierre, Alicia, and Olivia talking.

As you're sipping on your second glass of wine, Chan comes and holds his hand out at you.

"I believe we have to talk," he says to you.

You put your glass down and take his hand, feeling more nervous now than before.

"I'm rooting for you guys!" Alicia mutters with an encouraging smile.

Chan takes you somewhere quiet and sits on the bench that overlooks the sea with the reflection of the moon drawn on the surface of the water.

There are still three hours left to the time limit but it's never too early to start and try to open up.

"You want me to start again?" You ask because he's been so quiet even after you both get the privacy to talk.

He cracks a laugh and puts an arm around you, "Yeah, sure."

You lick your lips and try to articulate your feelings as best as you can. You look him in the eyes and just pour your heart out to him.

"I like you. I like that I can be myself around you. You understand me, you put up with a lot of shit to be with me..." you pause to let out a laugh, "I'm happy that we became closer."

Chan can't stop smiling as he listens to you speaking your heart out. You can see the fondness in his eyes and you also hope that he gets the sincerity in your words.

"And I think... this is a good chance for us to talk about how we feel about each other," you conclude.

-

YOU: I can tell him more things that I like about him but sadly, time is not on our side.

-

It feels great hearing what you thought about him but at the same time, Chan feels burdened to be as open as you.

He's aware of how much you've shared with him while he gave you so little in return. He owes you a lot and it's time for him to settle that debt.

"You look gorgeous," he starts with a compliment.

You reach for the collar of the baby blue linen shirt he's wearing and compliment him back, "So do you."

You rest your hand flat on his chest and dreamily sigh, "You look good in colors other than black and white, you know that?"

He grins at that and nods, "I'll wear more colors."

"Okay, good," you say with gentle pats on his chest.

It's not time for small talk, time is running out. Chan grits his teeth and starts talking, trying to empty his heart through words.

"I'll be honest with you," he begins.

He sees you swallow air and nods, "Okay."

"I haven't completely opened myself up to you."

"Mm-mmh," you hum in response.

He takes your hand and holds it tightly in his hand, "The last relationship I had..." he refrains from sharing too many details on his past.

"From that relationship, I got myself a trust issue out of it, and as much as I like you, it's hard for me to trust you. I got haunted by my experience with trusting someone with my heart..." Chan takes a moment to collect himself and not lose it completely to his emotions.

"I didn't think that I'd get here and find someone like you in here," he says with a low laugh.

You lowly laugh along with him, "Yeah."

"I feel extremely lucky to find you and I realize now that it's not fair that I compare you with my former partner. She might have caused me a trust issue but that doesn't mean you'll do the same to me," he says.

A smile blooms on your face and he feels your hand in shaking in his hold.

"I genuinely am feeling stronger emotions for you which I haven't felt in a long time," he earnestly says with a sincere smile.

His heart feels so much lighter and emptier now, that only means he has more space for these new feelings he has for you.

Chan's heart is full of warm feelings and other than that, it fills with hopes.

-

CHRIS: It's been such a long time since I've opened up like this with anyone but it feels so natural with her.

-

"I like you so much," Chan says while squeezing your hand in his.

It feels good to know that your feelings are reciprocated. You've been tormented inside and you keep it bottled up inside you, now you can let it go.

"I'm so excited for us," he adds with a smile.

Then the chime comes and you glance at your watch to see that it turns green.

You both did it and you didn't mean to cry but your eyes are like bursting dams right now, tears are flowing down your face. He immediately pulls you into a hug.

"I wasn't ready to go home yet," you croak with tears caught in your throat.

"Me too," he says.

He holds you for a moment and whispers into your ear, "Are we going to kiss or what?"

You completely forgot that the rules do not apply and you're allowed to kiss him. You hurriedly wipe the tears on your face with the back of your hands.

Chan doesn't hesitate to kiss you when you believe you look ugly from crying. He leans in and kisses you softly, brushing his lips as if he were telling you how you feel with it.

Your heart is heavy and quivering as it carries so much love inside you. You like him so much and it feels so good, it's so good that it's scary.

When he pulls away from the kiss, Chan holds your face and looks at you, tenderly wiping your eyes with his knuckle.

He's softly laughing as he says, "I can see now that you're just a baby."

He caresses your wet cheeks with his thumb as he fondly looks into your eyes, "just a baby, my baby," he says.

You pout yet smile at his words. There's no use to deny it when he can see everything now.

"My baby girl," he delightfully sighs and presses a long peck on your lips.

Sure you feel relieved you get to stay in the retreat but the best thing about all this is getting to know each other better, emotionally.

"Good job," you tell him with a smile.

"Good job," he says back to you.

-

YOU: Watching Chris open up and comfortably share his feelings makes me feel like I can understand him now. Also, it makes me fancy him more and more [smiles]

-

Chan didn’t expect everyone to wait for them to come back from their talk.

The resentment they have is nothing compared to the friendship they have sewn in time with both you and him. They look at him in anticipation of whether he passed the test or not. They're tucked in their beds and watch him as he walks to his bed with you trailing behind him.

"So...?" Pierre asks.

Chan can't contain his excitement anymore, he grins and says, "We got the green light!"

Everyone cheers for him and you, clapping with pride. Jace hurls a cushion at Chan as he shouts, "Congrats, Aussie boy!"

Alicia comes to his bed to hug you, "I told you. I'm rooting for you!"

Dani hugs her pillow in front of her and asks, "So, did anyone say anything?" She asks in curiosity.

"She told me she likes me," Chan answers without the slightest of embarrassed saying it out loud.

"Did you say it back to her?" Pierre asks.

"Of course!" He shortly replies.

You lay on your stomach on the bed, facing everyone, "It was really hard to begin with but he opened up to me."

"Aww..." Lola coo in response then lightly applauds for you.

"At least we don't have to worry about them rulebreaking now," Luke comments.

"Because there's no money to spend to begin with," Pierre adds.

Everyone is laughing the shared pain away. But with the promise that Lana will return some money through tests and you both passed one tonight, everyone gets hopeful again.

-

CHRIS: I'm so glad we're making progress. I'm so proud of her and me. We both got so far [smiles]

-

It's like you both got a fresh start at a new life.

Even with zero dollars on the prize fund, you feel happy to get to spend more time with him in the retreat. Yesterday was a torture and that only reminds you to use the time wisely.

But it's not like you can't keep yourself away from him you're smitten, you have butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

After last night, you talk about things deeply and openly, you talk more about your future together that it gets you giddy

You're straddling him on the bed and hovering above him, putting a safe space between your faces. You admire his beautiful face, trailing your fingers on his facial features, eyes, nose, and plush lips that lure you to kiss.

"Now that I'll be coming with you to Australia, where will you take me first?" You ask out of curiosity.

Chan has been resting his hands on your thighs and not letting them go anywhere. He looks up at you and answers, "My home."

You're giggling because your dirty mind can only think of one thing, "So we can—"

"I'll introduce you to my family," he slices through your sentence and takes you aback.

This seems that serious to him and you usually choose to step back when things get this serious, however, you're feeling excited about it instead.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I want them to know about our relationship," he casually says.

"Ooo... relationship," you point out the thing he just said and wonder if it accidentally slipped out of his mouth or he meant it. You bet it's the latter from how he gets so flustered and laughs at it.

"Why? Do you have anything else in mind?" He asks with a sly smile.

You look away from his eyes as he catches on your dirty thought, "You know what I'm thinking."

He sits up on the bed so he can hold you and you wrap your arms around his neck, "Well, before we do all that, I'll lock you in my room and we'll have lots of sex," he murmurs, then places a hot kiss on your neck.

You lowly moan at how his soft lips feel on your skin, sending a tingle down your spine.

"Oh, you have no idea what's coming for you," he seductively whispers with his breath tickling your ear.

He then switches to the other side of your neck and places a longer kiss with his tongue lightly licking the skin, leaving a wet kiss mark on it.

The emotional connection only heightens the sexual tension between you and him yet it feels like you've reached a new level in your relationship.

-

YOU: It's HARD! I like him so much therefore it's getting harder to resist him.

-

"Whoa, whoa, what am I walking into," Pierre says as he busted you straddling him on the bed.

Without getting up from his bed, Chan calmly responds with a joke, "There's no harm in losing more money."

"Damn right," Pierre replies with a laugh.

With someone else in the room, the tension is slowly fading out and you get off his lap, sitting next to him instead.

Chan notices that Pierre is smiling at himself and he knows that there must be something.

"What's up?" He asks while putting his arm out so you can rest your head on it.

"Alicia and I are going on a date later," Pierre replies.

"Oh, wow, that's great, man!" Chan offers his hand for a fist bump.

"I'm excited for you, Pierre!" You add with a gleeful smile.

But instead of bumping his fist at him, Pierre collapses onto his bed. It's the first time Chan sees him being this nervous, "Why are you so nervous?"

You're giggling next to him, "You've been sharing a bed with Alicia for so long," you add.

Pierre groans and holds his head with both hands, "Ugh... I don't know."

"Just do you, enjoy it, man," Chan suggests.

Pierre sits on the bed again now, "Yeah, you're right."

He gives Chan his fist bump now then gets up from the bed, "I have to get ready for the date now. See ya!"

"Good luck!" You shout at him before he gets out of the door.

It must be nice to get on a date with you but Chan understands that he has to earn it here. He looks at you and he can see that you're wishing for the same thing.

"We'll get our time," he tells you.

"Yeah," you reply with a smile.

"Come here! Hug me, baby girl!" He pulls you into a tight hug and flips over so you're under him now.

"I want to kiss you," he says as he looks at you.

You put your hand on his lips and glance at it, "We can't. We have to be good."

It's like the roles are reversed now. It's him playing the bad guy now and you're playing the good girl now.

"You're right," he says, he chooses to bury his head in your neck instead.

-

CHRIS: Lana, we’ve been good so please get us on a date too!

-

Lana throws a party tonight.

You're tired of guessing what she's trying to celebrate and if she has something behind it. The worst has happened, you want to enjoy tonight.

"What are you wearing tonight?" Chan asks while you're drying your hair.

"Uhm... nothing," you mindlessly answer.

He puts his arm around your neck and playfully puts you in a chokehold, making you laugh in response. He then nuzzles his nose into your hair and asks again, "I want to match my clothes with you."

"Aww... that's so cute, Chris!" Lola comments from the other end of the vanity table while putting make-up on her eyes.

You turn your head around and jokingly say, "Then... wear nothing."

He wraps his hand around your neck and tilts your head to the side so he can bite on your shoulder, "Just tell me what color!"

You're laughing as you try to get his hand away from you but he keeps ticking your neck with his nose. In the end, you both settle with his favorite color, black.

You're fixing the straps of your dress while looking at the mirror in the bathroom and Chan is leaning against the sink, running his eyes up and down your body.

"You're so gorgeous," he compliments with a grin and those cute dimples.

He bites his fist when you check the back of your dress in the mirror by turning your body to the side.

"Gosh, I'm the luckiest," he sighs.

You get flustered and say, "Stop it!"

Pulling him close, you turn him around and make him look at both of your reflections in the mirror. Not going to lie, you like what you see.

You turn to look at him and then say, "Damn! We look good!"

He looks back at you and smiles, "We look good together."

Without warning, he puts his arms around you and carries you out of the bathroom.

The party had just started when Pierre and Alicia were coming back from their date. Everyone is being nosy with their questions yet you can't help to get nosy as well.

"Tell us everything!" Lola demands.

From the look of it, Pierre and Alicia look happy and it makes you just as happy for them, everyone seems to feel the same way as well.

"It was nice. We went on a boat and enjoyed the sunset," Pierre says.

Alicia nods along to his words, "Then there was a funny question at the end," she says, then leers at Pierre.

Pierre cracks a laugh before answering, "I asked her to be my girlfriend."

Dani, being the one invested in the story, impatiently asks, "What did you say, Alicia?"

Alicia leers at Pierre again and smiles, "I said yes."

It's like watching a sports game and the home team scores, sending everyone into a celebration. Glasses of drinks raised to the air for a toast.

"To Pierre and Alicia!" Jace leads the toast.

"To Pierre and Alicia!" The rest repeat after him and take a sip of their drinks.

-

YOU: Well, unlike us... [chuckles] Pierre and Alicia are the most committed couple in the retreat so I couldn't be happier for them.

-

Instead of being jealous, Chan is happy for Pierre and Alicia.

He's happy to see his closest friend in the retreat happy and it's not like Chan is not happy, he is happy with you. He looks around and they're just as happy even though the prize fund is still at zero.

He holds you close and kisses the top of your head, "I'm so happy."

"Me too," you murmur with your head resting on his chest.

The music abruptly stops and Chan kind of guesses what comes next. There she is, the ultimate cockblocker and party crasher Lana.

Everyone already knows where to go and they drag their feet to head to the cabana. You sit next to Chan, putting one hand around his waist and the other clasped with him, resting it on his leg.

The money is at zero now but that doesn't make everyone less nervous, if anything, there's an anticipation for what Lana is going to announce this time.

Chan's heart skips a beat the second the cone lights up, signifying her arrival. She skips on greeting everyone and calls for both of your names.

You look at each other to exchange a mix of panicked and confused looks.

"On your previous test, you were able to access your true feelings for each other, proving to me that your connection is more than skin deep," Lana says.

That's good news and the applause everyone is giving toward both of you confirmed it.

"However, actions speak louder than words."

Chan hates it when that word comes in the sentence: 'however' because that means, Lana has bad news to tell.

"Tonight, you will both be put to the ultimate test, a night in the private suite."

Remembering that you both failed on the same test and knowing you both have to go through it again. Chan feels the pressure already and he sees you wince in response to that.

"If you refrain from breaking any rules, you will win back $100,000 for the group."

Everyone is cheering at the amount of money you can win back from it but your last failure reminds them not to haste to celebrate.

Chan notices a few pessimistic faces among the group and he understands that. But he knows that it's time he pays everyone back for the damages he did to the prize money.

"We'll try to win back the money for you guys," Chan earnestly says with you nodding along in agreement to his words.

"Please, make your way to the suite!" Lana orders.

He offers his hand to help you get up from the sofa and keeps holding your hand.

Jace nods at Chan to encourage him, "Don't mess up, 'kay? You got it!"

"Wish us luck!" You say to everyone for the last time.

-

CHRIS: This is it. This is the big, ultimate test.

-

The second you both enter the private suite, you throw yourself at him.

Thank goodness that he is quick to catch you and steadily holds you against him to keep you from falling. You loop your both hands around his neck and warmly hug him.

You pull away to look at his face, "We can do it," you murmur with a soft kiss on his cheek.

He returns the kiss but his lips land on your jaw instead, "for that to happen, we shouldn't have a bath."

You pout at him and say, "But I still need to have a bath. I'm dirty."

"You are dirty," he says with a sly smile.

You narrow your eyes at him and put your forehead against his, "Are you dirty?"

It's like a deja vu watching you get undressed in front of him, doing it so confidently like he isn't there and looking at your enticing body with dark, lustful eyes.

"You can join me or..." you nonchalantly say as you step into the tub.

"You can just watch," you continue as you lower yourself into the water, flashing him a naughty smile as you lean back in the tub.

Chan has seen and experienced this scene before but he doesn't like how it ended. This is why it's called a test, see if he can take it and come up with a better result than before.

"Atta, boy!" You exclaim as he starts to take his clothes off.

You intently watch him taking every piece of clothing on his body until there's none left. Your eyebrow raises as your eyes flick down there.

"Hi, there," you playfully talk to his semi-hard member.

Everything about you evokes the rebellious side of him, he just wants to do whatever he wants and pleases. He reminds himself that he needs to control himself and the money that he can win back from doing it.

With one foot down in the tub, Chan can already feel the heat of the moment.

-

CHRIS: When it's just the two of us the sexual tension goes...[Sighs] It's high!

-

Jumping onto the bed, you crawl over to get something from the tray of sex toys on the bedside table.

You know which one you want to get and take it with you as Chan dives onto the bed next to you. You waste no time straddling him, "Put your hands above your head!"

He ignores your order and laughs at you instead. He chooses to disobey you so you take both his hands and put them above his head, you cuff them with handcuffs.

"I'm sorry," you tell him with no hint of regrets whatsoever in your apology.

You look at him and smile in satisfaction that he's laying helpless underneath you.

"You've been very, very bad, Chris," you say in a low, sultry voice and run your fingertips down his bare chest.

He takes a deep breath and looks back at you, "I've been bad, so?" He dares you with a smirk.

As expected, he will disobey you and dare you to do things to him. He's enjoying it and you're more than willing to play along.

You crawl over to the side and use the opportunity to bring your ass close to his face while you take another sex toy from the tray.

You sit down on his crotch, intentionally hard, and enjoy the low groan he lets out. You show him the long, leather whip in your hand.

You put the end of the whip under his chin and used it to tilt his head to look at you, "Do you admit to being a bad, bad boy?"

Instead of answering, he bites his lips and fiercely looks at you. Taking him off guard, you slap his chest with the whip.

"Answer me!" You order.

He slyly smiles and refuses to answer again. You start to slap his chest and abdomen with the whip, making heart-shaped marks on his pale skin.

You decide to get off him and lay on your side next to him, "I'm going to keep doing it until you answer me," you taunt him as you drag the end of the whip down his thigh.

You lean into the side of his face and lowly whisper into his ear, "Answer me, Chris."

He shakes his head and you immediately land a slap on his inner thigh twice that he gasps in response. Feeling mischievous, you slip the whip under his boxer and rub him there.

"Will you answer me now, mmh?" You ask.

He catches you off guard now, rolling on the bed and putting his body on top of you. He buries his head deep in your neck while kissing you there.

"Oh..." you breathlessly moan as he bites on your neck.

Chan is always afraid to put his whole weight on you but you don't want to have it another way, so you put your legs around him and let him collapse on top of you.

He looks at you but his eyes are centered on your lips, "Do you want to kiss me, mmh?"

He alternates it by placing kisses along your jaw and finishes it with a sweet kiss on your cheek, "Actually, there are a lot more things I want to do to you."

-

YOU: Our prize fund is zero so that means there's no money to lose... [bites lips]

-

Chan keeps his handcuffed hands in front of him as you unlock it for him. He puts it back on the bedside table and sees you still straddling him.

He pats the space next to him, "Come here so we can cuddle!"

You shake your head and put your hands on his chest, "No, I like it here. I like sitting on top of you," you say with your eyes enchanting him to gaze back at them.

He puts his hands on your thighs, fingers teasing the hem of the short sleeping dress you're wearing, "Is this your favorite position?"

"Uh-huh," you answer and put your hands to hold your hair in a makeshift ponytail.

"You want to be on top, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm good when I'm on the top," you tell him with your head slightly tilted to the side and your lips curl into a naughty smile.

"Is that true?" He asks, allowing his hands to move up to your waist and hold you there.

"I can show it to you," you dare him.

Seeing you straddling him like this only gives him the glimpses of what you'd like fucking him and he bet it'd be so good. Swear his cock twitched just now from remembering how good it is inside you.

Now you're sitting on his crotch and there's only a layer of clothing that separates him from what he wants, he believes you can feel how his cock is achingly hard for you.

"Maybe next time," he kindly refuses no matter how much his body wants to scream yes.

"Why not now?" You ask with a low giggle.

You make it so hard for him that he has to lift you off him and lay you down next to him. Without giving you time to escape, he puts his arms and legs around you, limiting the things you can do around him.

"Stop teasing me," he presses a wet, long kiss on your cheek.

You helplessly try to get out of his hold while giggling but failing.

"Baby," you softly call.

You hold his chin in your fingers and turn your head at him, "I want to sleep naked tonight."

-

CHRIS: The longer they let us alone together, the more I want to do things to her [raises eyebrow]

-

Even after the morning comes, it doesn't mean that the test has been done yet.

Somehow, you wake up naked and find yourself snuggling to Chan who's just as naked. You don't want to force your brain to work just yet.

It seems like he's awake already as he puts his hand on your back and runs his fingers down your back, light and fluttering, lulling you back to sleep.

Realizing that the test is not over yet, he gets away from you only so he can lay next to you and easily places kisses on your bare back.

You delightfully hum every time his full lips make contact with your skin, warm and soft, making you tingle inside.

"You're so beautiful," he hums.

He then starts another trail of kisses from the nape of your neck and down your spine. He stops before he gets tempted to go lower than your waist.

"So soft, so beautiful..." he sighs with so much frustration as if he saw something he couldn't perceive.

Chan decides to prop both hands on each side of you and kisses your neck as he's hovering above you, waking you up with sweet, gentle kisses.

"Wake up, baby," he softly calls you.

Wanting more than just kisses, you pull him close so you can feel him whole, his body on your body, skin-to-skin. It feels rather more intimate than sex.

He puts all of your hair away to the side so he can pepper your shoulder with kisses, "Morning," he says in between kisses.

You smile with eyes closed and croak, "Morning."

There's not much time left in the private suite and you both have to face everyone soon.

"How are we going to tell them?" You meekly ask him, feeling the anxiety already.

He gently caresses your cheek with his knuckle, "I'll do the talking," he simply answers.

You overlap his body with yours and put your arm across his chest, "Can't we just stay here?" You innocently ask with a low laugh.

"We can stay a little longer," he consoles you with a kiss on your forehead.

As much as you want to stay, it's time to face the truth once more.

-

YOU: Last night was... special. The best night I ever had in the retreat. [smiles]

-

While holding Chan's hand, you wake slow walk on the way back to the villa, and meet everyone in the bedroom.

Everyone is looking a bit antsy even though they're still in their beds. They stop talking once they notice you're back from the private suite but they seem to be scared to ask the important question.

Chan gestures to you to sit on the sofa instead of on the bed next to the table where Lana is sitting still so prettily.

Before Chan can open his mouth and speak, Lana gets ahead of him, chiming on the table next to you.

"Last night, you faced your ultimate test," Lana skips the morning greeting and goes straight into business.

"As a couple, if you could refrain from breaking any retreat rules, the prize fund will be increased from $0 to $100,000."

You grimace at that because anything could happen at this point.

"However..."

Lola gasps at the mention of that word and hides behind the duvet. It's your turn to gasp as Lana calls your name.

"Even though you were successful in sexually arousing Chris, he was able to hold firm and respect the rules of my retreat."

Applause and cheers erupt from every corner of the room. You hate that Lana exposed you for what you did in the private suite but it won't stop you from celebrating as well.

"Which means that the prize fund now stands at $100,000," Lana updates.

More cheers and whistles are coming from everyone at the announcement that you both gained half of the total prize money back.

"I am so proud of you, babe!" Dani says to you.

You blow her a kiss as a token of gratitude and look at Chan, he's looking as proud as you are.

"This is what I call growth," Pierre comments with a smile.

"Yeah, that's true," Lola agrees.

Everyone gets quiet as Lana continues talking, "As a reward for showing restraint and putting the interest of the group above your own, you will be going on a date."

You turn to look at Chan and smile, feeling so proud of both of you. You look around the room and ask, "Can I hug him, now?"

They are all laughing before answering, "Yes."

You walk up to Chan and he welcomes you into his arms, holding you so tight while lifting you off your feet.

It feels good to do good and get rewarded for it, you lean close to murmur, "I'm so proud of you."

"I'm so proud of us," he says back with a kiss on your cheek.

-

YOU: The last few days have been so hard for us so I think we deserve this date and I'm just so excited [grins]

-

To be honest, Chan is nervous.

Yes, he's happy and excited for the date. What he's worrying so much about is the talk he'll be having with you and he wants to make sure that he gets his emotions across.

It's important that you know his feelings for you.

His face lights up as you walk toward him, he helps you board the boat to get to the other small island where the date will be.

"Gorgeous," he sweet compliments as he brushes your hair and tucks it behind your ear.

"Thank you, baby," you mutter and take his hand to hold it.

The two of you take a short walk to where the date has been prepared, a cute little picnic with a bottle of champagne chilled in a bucket of ice which Chan can easily pop open.

"Mmh... My man is so strong," you playfully praise him.

You take one of the champagne flutes so he can fill it for you, "What are toasting to?"

He thinks for a moment, "Mmh... for passing the ultimate test?"

You chuckle and nod in agreement, "For passing the ultimate test!"

You both clink your glasses together and take a sip of the bubbly wine.

-

CHRIS: We both know that we have a strong physical chemistry between us but I need to know if we have a strong connection as well. I want this to last.

-

The sun is slowly sinking into the horizon, painting the sky with stunning bursts of flaming gold colors.

Even Chan is here, in one of the most beautiful places he's ever been, he thinks that what makes it so special is because he's with you.

"Have you realized that it's been me and you since day one?" Chan asks.

You fix your hair and prop one hand next to you, "Yeah," you answer while nodding.

"We've been going through such... a long journey," he says, emphasizing how rough it has been for the two of you.

You nod again and softly laugh, "You know, with other people, I would push them away and keep moving forward. I never once in my life thought I would find 'that someone'."

This is why he's comfortable around you. He shares a piece and you share one piece of you too, it's never going one way with you. Everything is fair and he thinks this is what good communication is.

"As you know, the last relationship I had... it was ugly but in here, in this retreat, I learned how to confront my emotions and open up to someone," Chan shares his piece of him with you.

You're looking at him with eyes that match the soft smile on your face while tucking away the hair getting blown by the wind.

"Also, this retreat helps me put things into perspective," he continues, "I'm able to show sides of myself that I didn't know I had."

You take a sip of your drink and nod again, "Just like I said when people get into my space, I'd normally push them away."

You put your drink away before continuing, "But the fact that I met someone that I like... that makes me feel emotional and vulnerable."

Chan would be lying to say your words aren't making him feel the slightest bit emotional as well. He can feel the sincerity in your words, they are pure and heartfelt.

"I wonder if we're compatible moving forward in the outside world," you finish.

He takes your hand and holds it in the space between you and him. He then clears his throat before speaking.

"Now it's time where I can tell you and it would be wrong for me not to say this..."

His heart hurts as every bit of emotion is getting squeezed out of him into words but he wants to tell you everything, baring it out for you so you know his true feelings for you.

He looks into your eyes, it gives him the confidence to go on and say, "I genuinely do love you."

You close your eyes and break into laughter, it's not the reaction he hoped for but he waits for you to say something.

"I can't believe I came here and fell in love..." you say with a sheepish laugh.

You stare into his eyes and squeeze his hand as you say, "I love you too."

It feels like a ton of weight has been lifted off his chest. He thought he would be bound and confined the moment those words were out of his mouth, instead of that, Chan feels like he's been set free.

-

CHRIS: When I arrived here, I didn't mean to meet a girl and tell her I love her. I'm a changed man and it's because of her [smiles]

-

Seeing him happy makes you happy.

The happiness only doubled knowing that the feelings go both ways. Never in a million years have you ever thought you would be falling in love with a guy like him.

Chan is a gentleman, he's kind and sweet, he's very thoughtful and caring, and he has everything that you're not looking for in a man.

But he changed you and made you realize that you deserve a better man. Meeting him and being with him is a blessing like a star falls right onto your lap.

"I always told myself I'm better single and do my things, but with you, I feel safe, comfortable, and powerful at the same time," you let your thoughts out loud to him.

You swallow air to not let the tears get in the way of you speaking your heart out to him, "The best thing is, with you, I feel more reassured and that's something that rarely happens."

The way he's looking at you now is the most beautiful view you've ever seen and you want to imprint it in the back of your head. You also want to bottle this precious moment so you can treasure it for life.

Chan has been quiet for a moment then he lets out a sigh, "I feel like I've won the lottery," he says.

This has been a long journey but you're grateful that you come out of it together, stronger and on top of that, in love more than ever.

Both of your watches chime at the same time and you glance to confirm that it's green.

"Oh?!" You look at him with a surprised face.

Chan smiles and crawls over to you, "Thank you, Lana!" He shouts.

The kiss feels special and it's ultimately because this kiss marks the beginning of your relationship, the first one of many, and hopefully, the start of a long-lasting relationship.

-

YOU: I'm the... [squeals] I'm the happiest girl in the world [gleefully smiles]

-

Everyone else is already sleeping when the two of you decide to sneak out to have one final swimming lesson.

Again, it's not a lesson and you both promise to not spend any money. You're doing it as tonight is the last night of the retreat.

Nothing is going to change even when the show is over but it doesn't stop you from feeling sentimental about it.

"It's going to be weird not waking up next to you," you sadly say as Chan hugs you from the back.

He rests his head on your shoulder with his hands wrapped around your waist, "You'll be coming home with me, remember?"

You nod but what you actually meant is how the outside world would be different than here. We have the stupid rules here but everything is much simpler and happier here, you're afraid of losing it all once you step out of this retreat.

"I'm just glad we won back the money," you say, shifting it to a much brighter topic.

"Or else we wouldn't have money for our flights home," Chan jokes.

Your shared waves of laughter are making ripples on the surface of the pool water.

"Who is going to win the money though?" You ask in genuine curiosity.

Chan shrugs in response to your question, "Definitely not us," he says.

Considering that the two of you are the big spenders in the retreat, you wouldn't even dare to think that there's the possibility of winning the prize money too.

To be able to come home with a man you are deeply in love with is already a big win for you.

-

YOU: I don't care about the money. I got what I want, I got my man [smiles]

-

"Good morning, friends!" Lola cheerily greets everyone the second the lights turned on.

Staying up until late last night causing him to feel sleepy, he keeps sleeping with his head buried in the pillow. He can feel you slipping your hands around him to spoon him from behind.

"Morning, Channie baby," you softly call him by his Korean name.

He told you about it last night, the name only his family and his close friends are allowed to call him with that name.

You are, of course, more than allowed to call him that. It feels strange to hear it at first but he likes the sound of it, especially the affectionate tone you're using.

He takes your hand and kisses it, putting it close to his chest as he tries to get a few more minutes of sleep. The sound of the melodic chime is enough to make him refrain from going back to sleep.

"Good morning, everyone!" Lana greets, sounding exceptionally kind even though she speaks in the same robotic voice.

"Morning, Lana darling!" Claire replies with a cracked voice.

"Welcome to the last day of the retreat," she announces.

Everyone sadly groans which is quite shocking compared to the first day of the retreat, now everyone is not wanting to leave.

His head snaps at you and it reminds him to soak up every minute left in this retreat with you.

"I will be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana further announces.

Everyone's ears perk up at the announcement, finalists in 'plural', which means there is more than one candidate to win the prize money.

Everyone else is secretly guessing who's going to win it but with his bad record, Chan chooses to sit back and wishes everyone the best of luck.

"It's the last day!" Luke remarks, still in disbelief of it.

"Let's make it the best one!" Dani adds as she yawns into her hand.

"And let's spend the whole money today," Chan jokes even though he's slurring his words.

"Funny, Aussie boy!" Jace says as he tosses a cushion at him.

-

CHRIS: I fully trust that Lana will choose the right person to win the money and I'm okay that I'm not it, Lana, I have no hard feelings [laughs]

-

"It's the last day so I'm going to wear the tiniest bikini."

Chan hears what you're saying since he's in the dressing room to take something out of his closet.

"Oh my, Gosh!" He responds to what you're saying.

You're chuckling and look at him as he stands across the room, "I'm putting another test on you."

He walks over to your chair and puts his hand around your neck, that way he can angle your head as he pleases. He attacks one side of your face with small kisses.

"Stop being so cute," Claire says as she hollowed her cheeks to apply some colors to them.

"Yeah, stop it before you spend some money," Alicia playfully adds.

Chan lets you go because he needs to go to the bathroom to style his hair, he finds Jace in there, putting his long blond hair into a small bun.

"Who do you think is going to win?" He asks.

It's the third time someone asked him the same question and he'll remain diplomatic about his answer, "Whoever wins I'll be happy for them."

Jace respects his answer and does not further press him to give a name but Chan gets curious about his answer.

"Who do you think?" He turns the table to him.

Jace sits on the edge of the tub and watches as Chan combs his hair in front of the mirror on the sink.

"I think it's you, Aussie boy."

Chan snorts in response, he figures that Jace wants to entertain him with his answer.

"Hey, the one who made a lot of mistakes is the one that is most improved," he defends his answer, proving that he's actually serious about his answer.

"Yeah, nah, I don't think it's me, mate," he refuses his answer to entertain the idea that he has a chance to win it.

"That's just my opinion," Jace says with a nonchalant shrug.

-

CHRIS: If it were up to me, I think everybody would win here but it's not, it's up to Lana. [Shrugs]

-

It's the time in the cabana again.

You're sad that it's going to be over soon but God! You're so glad that soon you'll not be hearing that melodic chime again. It's like hearing a soundtrack to a horror movie.

"Hello, everyone!"

"Hey, Lana," you reply, suppressing your anxious groan coming out of your mouth.

"I have been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis," Lana informs.

You can't tell what everyone is feeling right now, it's a mix of anticipation, anxiety or relief, sadness or happiness, everything is there.

"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development."

You wince at the mention of the word 'was' and it brings back your not-so-finest moments in your head.

"The prize fund stands at $100,000."

"Whoo!" Lola whoops, "That's a lot of money, baby!"

"And it was very hard to gain," Chan playfully comments, sending everyone into laughter.

"Like literally," he adds.

You cover his mouth with your hand to stop him from embarrassing himself more and let Lana continue.

"There are three places in the final."

Now everyone is assessing each other for their possibilities to win the money. You're definitely not going to make the cut with how much you spent in the retreat.

-

YOU: It's clearly not going to be us. We're the antagonists in this show [chuckles]

-

"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown personal growth during their time at the retreat."

Oh, wait? Personal growth?

If we're talking about personal growth, everyone can see how much Chan has grown since the first day of the retreat. People would think that it's a biased opinion but you believe that Lana sees it, or you hope so.

"The first finalist is..."

You're secretly praying that Chan's name gets called, it's not much about winning, he deserves to be in the final with the journey he's been through in this retreat.

"Pierre and Alicia."

It's kind of expected and everyone is clapping for them because they deserve it. You watch as they're hugging each other and looking so cute it makes you cooing adorably.

"The second finalist is..."

You continue to pray in your heart for one name to be called by Lana, you even have your hands clasped together and close your eyes as you deeply wish for it.

"Jace and Lola."

Again, everyone is clapping because they're genuinely made for each other, they complement each other in a way like no other.

"The third and final finalist is..."

For the last time, you wish and pray as hard as you can in your heart. You never wished for something this badly so for the first time in your life, please let—

"Chris."

Your mouth hangs open in response while he pulls you into a hug. You're at a loss for words for a moment until he pulls away from the hug.

You get teary as you see him standing up to take his place on the final, feeling so proud of him and the man he has become.

"Pierre and Alicia, Jace and Lola, Chris, one of you will walk away with $100,000."

Chan offers his hand at you so you can hold it while he's standing up in front of you. You can't fight the tears that are already pooling in your eyes.

"And the decision will be made by the remaining guests."

"Oh, my God!" You quietly gasp while dabbing the tears in the corner of your eyes.

"Will the shortlisted guests please leave the cabana while the voting takes place," Lana orders.

Chan bends down to hug you since he has to leave. He presses a long kiss on your cheek and caresses your cheek, "I'll see you soon, yeah?"

You nod with a smile, "Okay."

-

YOU: Oh, I don't care if people think that I am being biased but I saw his growth, every day in this retreat. My vote is going to Chris.

-

The dressing room is crowded because everyone is getting ready for the last party in the retreat. Everyone is wearing white per the dress code announced by the staff.

Chan pulls you to the bedroom to have some alone time before he gets to be separated from you because the finalists have their special entrance to the party.

He sits down at the end of the shared bed and then pulls you down onto his lap.

"I can't believe that I'm one of the finalists, it's... mad!" He says in disbelief.

You put your hands around his neck and look at him, "You deserve it, baby."

He takes a deep breath as though he was swimming in deep water. He then runs his hand in your hair and affectionately brushes your hair.

"Whatever happens, I'm happy, I'm winning," he says.

You nod.

"I'm going home with a girlfriend," he shyly says with his dimpled smile.

That gets you flustered as well and it seems like it has just sunk in you that you're dating him now, "oh, shoot, I have a boyfriend now," you say with a shocked laugh.

He hugs you as you both laugh at the sudden realization, he buries his head in your neck to drink in the scent that gives him a sense of comfort.

He allows his hands to trace down your sides and adores every curve of it, "Mmh... You look stunning tonight," he praises.

"Spin for me," he demands.

You get off his lap and elegantly raise your hands above your waist before spinning around on your feet to show him the whole look.

"Do you like it?" You ask.

"Oh, love it!" He answers with a dramatic, overwhelmed eye roll.

You sit on his lap again and let him rest his head on your chest, on the soft mounds of your clothed breasts. There are only hours left until the retreat ends but his hands are already getting impatient as they're teasing the zipper of your dress.

"Can't wait to take this off of you tonight," he murmurs with his lips grazing your cleavage as he speaks.

You're lowly humming in response and cradle his head close to your chest, "Anything you want," you tell him.

Those words are sending his mind wandering off and away from his head. He's not thinking about the money at all, all he can think about are the things he wants to do to you.

"You can do anything you want later," you say again with your fingers softly scratching the back of his hair.

"Now that's a real prize," he says with an enthusiastic smile.

-

CHRIS: Winning or not, I'm leaving in love [smiles]

-

You sit next to Claire and Nick as the rest of the guests are waiting for the finalists to come and join the party.

"It's sad, isn't it?" Dani says with a sad smile from the other bench.

"It's coming to an end, yeah," Claire shares with a pout.

You've been meaning to not feel sentimental about it but now everyone is feeling the same way, you can't help but have your say about it.

"It's bittersweet, you guys," you say.

Everyone is nodding in agreement and Luke initiates a toast to start the last party in the retreat. The talk continues with everyone sharing their memories here, happy, sad, or funny ones, also everything in between.

Mac has to abruptly stop talking as the finalists are about to enter.

A round of applause welcomes all five of them. First is Pierre and Alicia, and following behind them are Jace and Lola. Last but not least is your number one man, Chan.

You scoot on the bench to make space for Chan to sit on and welcome him with a hug.

"Missed you," you murmur even though you have only been separated from each other for less than an hour.

He caressingly kisses your cheek and puts his arm around you, you reckon he needs the comfort from how nervous he looks right now.

"Got all my fingers crossed for you," you whisper to him.

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh!" You answer without a beat and grin at him.

You hold his face by the jaw and place a kiss right on his dimple, hurriedly wiping the lipstick mark with your thumb after.

The melodic chime comes from the cone and it's going to be the last you hear of her, Lana.

"During your time at the retreat, I have observed you all commit to the process, acknowledge your failures, and show significant change."

You nod and smile, "Thank you, Lana!" You sincerely say from the bottom of your heart.

"The time has now come to announce the winner of the $100,000 prize."

You put your heads together and hold each other's hands on his lap, letting go of everything all at once, and no matter what happens, you are happy with each other.

"Pierre and Alicia, Jace and Lola, Chris, please stand!" Lana orders.

-

YOU: At the end of the day, I'm leaving as a changed person and I'm in a relationship with a man I love. And that's something I have never imagined in a million years. [Brightly smiles]

-

Chan isn't that optimistic he would win the money.

Yet he feels so nervous Chan has to take a deep breath before getting up from his seat without letting go of your hand.

"You got it, baby," you mutter to him with a squeeze on his hand.

He peers over his shoulder to look at you and flashes you a grateful smile.

"Your fellow retreat guests have voted," Lana continues with the announcement.

Chan looks at the other finalists, at Jace and Lola, and the other way, at Pierre and Alicia. He never thought he would be considered as one of the finalists, he's still in denial about it.

"The person in third place is..."

His heart is beating faster and faster he starts to wonder if he's going to have a cardiac arrest.

"Jace and Lola," Lana announces.

Chan's head snaps in the direction of Jace and Lola who are embracing and congratulating each other despite they do not win the money.

-

CHRIS: I'm on the top two... [deeply inhales] not expecting this at all. If I win, it wouldn't be my own because she played a big part in my growth in the retreat.

-

Lana doesn't give him time to relax as she continues to the next announcement.

"Pierre and Alicia, Chris, one of you has been chosen to check out of the retreat with the prize fund."

He squeezes your hand in his hand hard enough that his knuckles turn white. He needs it, he needs something to hold on to.

"The winner who will be leaving with $100,000 is..."

Who doesn't want that much money? But honestly, it's not going to be a loss if he didn't win it. It's been one hell of a journey and an emotional one, he made friendships and experiences of a lifetime here.

"Pierre and Alicia."

He did end up not winning the money but he doesn't feel like losing at all. He's reeling from it and only aware of himself when you hug him so tightly.

-

CHRIS: Couldn't be happier for Pierre and Alicia.

YOU: [Nods] Yep, they definitely deserved it.

-

"Congrats, you two!" Chan takes his turn to congratulate the winning couple.

"So happy for you, man!" He says as he gives Pierre a big hug.

The celebration continues with them popping open bottles of champagne and spraying everyone with it. You hide behind Chan as Pierre is aiming the bottle at both you and him.

"You're dripping!" You exclaim, seeing his face sticky and wet with white wine.

You help by wiping it with the back of your hand while he brushes his hair to the back.

Chan looks around and sees that everyone is having fun and happy, there's nothing he wishes more than his. It's a memory he'll treasure for life.

Everyone settles back to their seats as Lana has one announcement left.

"Your time at the retreat is over and therefore, the rules no longer apply."

Chan is turning to you but you're looking the other way, you walk over to the other side and he sees that you're coming over to someone.

Chan and Luke can only laugh as you share another kiss after the retreat ends with Dani.

Luke has to pull Dani away from you to not let the kiss continue while Chan pulls you from behind.

"Okay, that was hot," He says with an impressed smile.

He puts his arms around you and pulls you close, "But it's my turn now."

You giggle at him and waste no time to kiss him, opening your mouth to let him kiss you deeper, relishing the craving he has for the taste of your lips.

-

CHRIS: We never thought we'd get this far.

YOU: [Nods] Yeah.

CHRIS: [Looks at you] I'm proud of you.

YOU: [Shyly smiles] And I'm so proud of you!

-

The sounds of the fireworks going off startle you and you both turn around to see them lighting up the sky in bright, colorful sparks.

He's hugging you from behind as everyone else is also watching the wondrous view. His heart feels full yet he wants more of it, he knows that the only way he can get more of it is by sharing it.

Chan brings his mouth close to your ear and says, "I love you."

You turn around to look at him with a confused look on your face, "I'm sorry what?"

It's the explosive sounds of the fireworks and the music playing that make it hard for you to hear what he said the first time.

He raises his voice a little louder and says again, "I love you."

"What?" You raise your voice even louder than him against the constant explosion in the distance.

Chan laughs because it reminds him of the first day you met. He can tell you're not pretending to not hear it this time, he tries again by pressing his mouth close to your ear with his hands cupping around his mouth, "I love you!"

You coo at him in response and turn around to face him, "I love you too."

He captures your lips in one long, lingering kiss and lets out everything in him, freely and intensely. He's not afraid to let go now because he knows that's the only way to love you fully.

And no one can stop him, not now, not ever.

-

CHRIS: No more Lana. No more rules.

YOU: [Looks at Chris] And that means...?

CHRIS: Get in here!

YOU: [Kisses Chan] [Moans]

CHRIS: [Let go of the kiss] [Looks at the camera] Can I go now? Cause she needs to be f—

-

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[roughdaysandart]

Rough Day Comic 0-1 "Other Talents"

💗PLEASE REBLOG TO SUPPORT!💗

SERIES MASTERLIST

Based on Rough Day by @no-droids

SERIES GEN WARNINGS: non-canon typical gore/blood, violence, light language, implied nudity, implied trauma (Blood, depression, anxiety, bullying, sexual), typos and general lore errors possible (plz lmk if you find any I enjoy accuracy)

See end for bonus content and credits.

LISTEN TO THE ACCOMPANYING MUSIC FOR A CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE! (LINKED AS YOU GO)

TRACK 1: REPROGRAM (only track til end credits)

END CREDITS TRACK: A FRIEND -GUITAR COVER

Up Next: CH 0-2: "Rules and Habits"

"And yet, only when she was absolutely certain he wouldn't see ...shed let that nagging curiosity get the better of her, make an exception...and-"

AUTHORS NOTE:

Well, this is the moment we've all been waiting for, sickos! I'm so proud of what Ive learned and been to accomplish these past few weeks (digital-art and writing in general), and have so much gratitude for all of the wonderful people who have followed along and encouraged me thus far. Most of all, thank you to the wonderful @no-droids for creating the fic in the first place. I cant wait to continue posting what's in store these next few (probably) years.

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you'll consider checking out my homepage for updates, sneek peeks, more depravity, the star wars mega-pinterest boards, and the unofficial soundtrack! 💗

Next chapter coming.....whenever its ready...in-person school is aboutta start and im going to pace myself and figure out how to balance going in person for the first time in a year...workin' and well...life, which includes this depravity and you all 💗!!!

Cheers, Sweet Girls. 💗

-M (@roughdaysandart)

CREATOR CREDITS

Credit to @saradika-graphics for the amazing dividers!

Credit to all of the talented artists making covers of the songs I link!

Credit to Brittany Broski for introducing me to RD/Ao3 this late in my life

Credit to...anyone else my mushy brain forgot (lmk ya'll)

credit to my drug-induced psychosis?

ERRORS/DISCREPENCIES/INNACURACIES (feel free to add)

Sweet Girl was drawn on the cover before her design was finalized, and so her clothing as well as her body are not exactly the same as how she appears in the series.

On page 5, Din is supposed to be laying in the cockpit's main compartment listening to the closed door, not in the mini hall where the ladder resides.

on page 9, there is a spelling error (talens--> talents)

On page 12, the rendering of the Crest's hull is a bit too wide (most dramatically apparent by the fresher door's length), the hull should be a tad more narrow. In addition, the flooring coloring is somewhat inaccurate, needing to appear more metallic instead of similar to the roofing textures and colorings

On page 12, the handle of the fresher door is supposed to be on the left side, not the right.

Speaking of the handle: I understand that manual doors are somewhat uncommon in the SWU, and it would be inconsistent for the Crest to have one when the cockpit and cot doors are auto, but I wanted to stay consistent with the descriptions in the original fic. In chapter 2, SG is described to slide open the door with her hand as she sees Mando standing outside. But I didint want to just purley stick to the fic's details and ignore in-universe discrepancies, so i thought of how this somewhat odd/niche detail could still make sense in this setting. I figured that with the inclusion of a control panel within the fresher (seen in later chapters) in addition to the one bewteen it and the cot, the option of an automatic function would presumably still be available aside from the manual one (which could be there for the purpose of giving the user a speed or distance preference or to avoid pinching etc.)

on the page beginning with "to say the least", the mini-halls' roof is suppposed to have a window. Therefore, the lighting of the space is somewhat innacurate.

[sirfrogsworth]

There is a pretty simple solution to this.

Befriend women.

Don't pursue them.

Don't be their friend just so you can make a play for sex or romance later on.

Find women that you enjoy the company of and become their friend.

The more you are around women in a non-sexual, non-romantic context, the more comfortable you will be around women in general. You will learn how to not be creepy. You will get a better understanding of boundaries.

And... you'll have some awesome new friends.

I am so tired of this stigma that you can't have platonic relationships with people of a different gender.

Almost all of my closest friends are not men. I actually had a very hard time forming close bonds with other men. They all wanted surface-level friendships. They'd want to center the friendship around hobbies or interests and nothing else. I had a sports friend. A video game friend. A sci-fi friend. And if I ever tried to take the friendship outside those interests, they would get uncomfortable and change the subject back to the common interest.

I needed more than that.

Platonically befriending women was the best thing I've ever done. And because there is no awkward, anxiety-inducing romantic or sexual subtext, it is much less nerve-wracking to approach someone in friendship. It's also easier to avoid being creepy without those intentions.

I have these beautiful, loving, deep friendships. We joke around and have fun but we also support each other when times are tough. The key is making sure the emotional labor is reciprocal. Don't just unload all your shit on them. You gotta keep that even-stevens. It's also good to learn when you are just supposed to listen and when they actually want advice or input.

I have learned so much about communicating in general. I have no fear of being creepy to anyone.

And while my circumstances have prevented me from having very many romantic relationships, having women as friends helped me a great deal when they did occur.

It is also my hope that if more men befriend women, they will also realize that their friendships with men can be more profound and have true emotional depth.

[steviewashere]

Perfect Timing

Rating: General CW: References to Sex Tags: Established Relationship, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington, Marriage Proposals, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Future Fic, Dialogue Heavy

For the @steddielovemonth prompt: "Love is having hope for the future together."

💕—————💕

Steve was sitting at the dining table, hands spread out on the surface, staring down at a piece of mail when he heard Eddie clamber through the front door. Based on the string of things being dropped and Eddie not reacting negatively, just sighing a little bit and picking things up, must mean he was having a good day.

It’s funny, Steve thinks, that he knows the way in which Eddie’s emotions express when he comes through the front door of their shared space. They began renting an apartment in Chicago just a year or so after getting together. Tail end of 1986 meant sharing a bed and house by August of 1987. And it’s theirs. Filled with miscellaneous clutter—a bookshelf brimmed with books, coffee table layered with Sports Illustrated and Heavy Metal magazines, dice and keys and Topps baseball cards, and picture frames they dust and drawings from Eddie’s sketchbooks and ‘failed’ art projects of Steve’s that Eddie thought were masterpieces. Point is, they’ve made it their home. And they started their lives with a breath of fresh air.

And now it’s 1995, depending on one another’s reactions, this all may just crumble at their feet.

See, Eddie was out playing a demo tape for a small record company based here in Chicago. A little indie place that’s been looking to expand their music catalogue from contemporary to a broader lick of alternative genres. Which, it turns out, includes thrash and heavy metal. Which, Steve adores, Eddie is amazing at performing.

But, Steve? He’s been anxiously waiting all day for the mail to arrive. Biting down on his fingernails, chewing them up so much they bleed and he has to run his fingertips under lukewarm water. Pacing the carpet of the living room. Pushing down and peering through the eggshell blinds. Biting his fingernails, again. And then it came and now he’s at their dining table and now he’s waiting for Eddie to careen around the corner and kiss his hair and ask in his greeting Steve voice, “What’s this, baby?”

“What’s this, baby?” Steve hears from above him. He jumps a little bit. Maybe he should have put on music or something, try to get himself to stay grounded in the present. “Stevie?” Eddie calls.

“Oh, uh,” Steve stutters. “It’s a letter I got in the mail, but I—I wanna hear about your demo tape.” Eddie gives him a sidelong glance. A little furrow to his eyebrows, a frown. “The letter isn’t anything bad, I read it already. But I don’t know how you’ll feel about it.”

Eddie hums, nodding in slow understanding. He slides into the dining seat across from Steve. Mirroring his position. Then, he realizes, based on whatever face Steve makes, that it’s only anxiety inducing. He sets his chin in his right palm, stretching the other onto the table for Steve to take. Waiting patiently. And says, when Steve actually grabs back, “It went really well, sweetheart. They offered me a contract.”

“That’s great news, Eds! What did—Did you sign it? Please tell me you signed it.”

Then, Eddie sighs. And Steve shrinks a little. “I did,” he tells slowly, as if testing the words for the first time. “I signed it. They’re keeping me based here. I’ll start recording next Saturday.” He squeezes at Steve’s hand.

“What’s the long face for, then?”

“I’m not making a face,” Eddie feebly argues.

“You are!” And Steve mocks him. Frowning, eyes distant to the surface of the table, bunching his eyebrows impossibly farther down his face. His shoulders slump. “That’s what you did! What happened? Were they pieces of shit to you or something? Did they like—Are they underselling your music prowess or something? Do I need to kick their—“

Eddie chuckles. His laughter like honey. “Babe, breathe for me,” he whispers. “My only issue is that—“ But he cuts himself off there. He leans in across the table. Eyes down at the letter in front of Steve. “That’s a letter from the community college, isn’t it?”

Steve pulls his hands back, laying them palm down on the paper. He swallows thickly. “It is. Why?”

“Did you get in?”

“I’m not telling you until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“You telling me determines whether or not I have a genuine problem. So…Did you get into the college that you’ve been looking at forlorn every time we drive by it? Or did you not and I need to go kick some old people ass?” His eyes are large in earnest. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat. His hair curtaining his face, making his facial features impossibly darker, shadowed by something tricky.

Steve chews on his lip. “I got in,” he mutters. “I got into their English literature program. And once I’m done with that, I transfer. And once I transfer, I start classes at a four year. I’ll be studying English literature and secondary education,” he rambles. His fingers tap over the letter. “Is that…Does that ruin your whole music dream? I don’t want to be the reason that you chase something else.”

For a moment, the room goes scary still and silent. Eddie’s facial features soften. And Steve’s heart rabbits against his ribcage. Hard enough that he slides a palm over his t-shirt, massaging at the rapid beating, hoping that he doesn’t have a heart attack on the third floor of their complex. That would suck, he thinks bitterly. And my future would be done for.

He sits back in his chair. Anxiety thrumming under his skin when Eddie still doesn’t say anything. Just keeps looking at him like he’s…Like he’s planning an entire five lifetimes with Steve. Like he’s about to sweep Steve off his feet, chuck him over the side of their mattress, give him hickeys until he’s a mottled lovesick mess, and then get down on one knee and surrender his heart to Steve’s hands. Like he’s gonna propose something wonderful like marriage. And, maybe, Steve lets himself believe something crazy like that.

“Remember when I told you that I consider marriage as a possibility?” Eddie asks abruptly.

And, goddamnit, if Eddie does something crazy and stupid like propose right now, Steve may just throw up out of excitement. How embarrassing, he thinks. And he chuckles despite that.

“I do,” he finds himself whispering. “What does this—“

“And I considered it with you. And I held you close and you cried against my lips and we made love like we were the only people in the universe? Remember all the times that you’d lay on top of me out of contentment? All the times I’d hold you close to my chest? All the times you kissed over my heart, like it was the only thing keeping us tethered to the moment?”

Nervously, Steve laughs. “Yes, Eddie. Yes, I remember all that. What is your point with—“

“Fucking margarita nights. You’re a sweet drunk, d’you know that? Like almost unbearably sweet.” Eddie scoots his chair around the table. Setting it next to Steve, on his left. And his hands come into Steve’s field of view. Gathering Steve’s palms in his, squeezing and caressing the skin. “All the times in which we thought that this apartment was all that we had.” He shakes his head, smirking, snickering like this intense reaction he’s having is something funny to Steve.

Fact of the matter, Steve is scared shitless right now. What if this is his way of breaking up, he can’t help himself from wondering. Cruel. He swallows against the lump in his throat. Words escaping him.

“I want to marry you so bad,” Eddie swears. “Wanna do the whole ceremony. And the paper signing. And the honeymoon, but in some little cabin on a mountain. Where we load the fireplace with wood and we huddle in for warmth and we sip at rich cups of Uncle Wayne’s hot chocolate. And then, in a few years time, when we’ve financially recovered from the wedding, we’ll buy a house.

“We’ll buy a house and paint it yellow,” he promises. Steve begins to cry, something silent, but can’t pinch his nose to stop himself. “It’ll be yellow because that’s your favorite color. With white shutters. And a big backyard for a dog or two. Wrap around porch so that we can sit and watch the sunrises and sunsets.” He takes a deep breath that sounds a little nasally. “I’ll make you breakfast every morning,” he continues, “serve you a fresh bowl of strawberries, ones that you grow under the big front window of our house. I’ll kiss you all over the face, like I do now, and you’ll grumble that it’s too early and then you’ll smell the bacon and you’ll give me your stupid sleepy smile that makes my heart do funny little flips and you’ll kiss me on the mouth and it’ll be disgusting because you haven’t brushed your teeth.

“And I’ll be a very happy man.” Eddie’s breath trembles in his chest. He swallows hard. Steve wonders if he can hear his own shaky breath. Or if he’s too involved in whatever this is. “I’ll be so happy,” he whispers, “And I’ll find myself thinking, how did I ever get so lucky? But it isn’t luck. And it isn’t fate. It was trauma that forced us together and I’ll laugh about it. But then I’ll sigh because who the fuck cares how we started all of this?

“You’ll be a funky middle school English teacher. With your nicely done hair and a sweater vest and some khakis. I’ll be a musician, hopefully. But, every day you’ll have a small lunch; an orange that I made you peel but I removed the pulp from, a tuna salad sandwich because you’re my fish loving dork, and a bottle of water. I’ll leave you a note everyday telling you how proud I am because I’ve never stopped being proud of you.

“I’m proud of you, Steve, d’you know that? So much.” He laughs wetly. His eyes staring down at their interlocked hands. “All this to say that I’m proud of you. That I’m happy. We’ve got a future, sweetheart. And I want to be your husband. Will you—“ He swallows once more, thick and heavy and almost painful looking. Can love hurt when it’s this sweet?

Eddie finally looks up. His eyes glistening and his cheeks wet and his skin tinted pink. His eyelashes stuck together. Nose dripping only slightly. He’s a messy crier, but Steve doesn’t fare any better. “Will you marry me, Steve? Stay by my side and we’ll accomplish our dreams together?” His voice is soft. Enamored.

Unbelievable, Steve swallows back. Because how did he get somebody like Eddie in his life? How did he manage to find love and have it promised back at him?

“Yes, Eddie,” he gasps out. “God, holy shit.” He drops his hands from Eddie’s hold, instead wrapping them around his torso. Muffled into Eddie’s shoulder, “All this just because I’m finally figuring my shit out? God.”

Eddie cackles, burying his own face in Steve’s hair. They sway a little. “I just—“ Eddie begins whispering. “I don’t know. I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while. Every time seemed right, but this one? Baby, this one was perfect.”

Steve sighs into the embrace. Content to not say anything else. Except, “I’m proud of you, too, honey. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you too, love bug. God, Steve, I love you, too.”

For the first time since 1983, Steve allows himself to truly settle in for a future. A future, he knows, he’ll be especially proud of.

💕—————💕 Fun fact, I accidentally deleted this whole ficlet when I was copying and pasting. Hit the spacebar and watched it disappear in front of my eyes. But I figured out how to get it back, not before almost throwing up on myself out of anger. Love y'all <3

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – CHAPTER FOUR (MONACO)

genre: fluff, angst, etc.

warnings: heartbreak as usual

word count: 5.3k (like, exactly 5.3k. on the word. 😭)

author's note: it feels so wrong to say that im posting this to celebrate ollie's graduation to f1 because... this is such a sad chapter.... pain pain pain for everyone involved (especially ollie) 💔 but yay happy ollie f1 announcement day!!! hope you're all doing well & hope you enjoy <3 (also i wrote a lot of this chapter back in february? and proofreading it today nearly brought me to tears bcs of ollie-)

series masterlist

the career of a racing driver is a roller coaster for everyone involved.

if your name is max verstappen, then you've got more ups than most others. that roller coaster seems pretty fun.

but if your name is y/n harper, then your roller coaster isn't as fun these days. but if there’s ever a place to turn things around, it's monaco.

even just the track walk is enough to bring up your mood after a bad week like last. walking along the monegasque streets, almost getting hit by cars as you sign autographs and take pictures with fans... it's an experience you just can't find anywhere else.

coincidentally enough, ollie is done with the track walk just as you are, which means that the two of you can make your way back to the f2 paddock together. your boyfriend has always loved monaco – he pretty much doesn't ever shut up about the track and it's history unless you tape his mouth shut when you're in the country. that's why it's surprising that he not only brings up another subject, but also that he chooses a quite sensitive one – your father.

"he's going to be here this weekend, right?" ollie asks, stuffing his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. he seemingly doesn't quite understand just how tense things are with your dad yet. to be fair, it isn't really his fault, since you haven't told him and since he isn't a mind-reader. but still, something in your chest tightens at the way ollie brings him up so casually.

you nod. "you know how much he adores monaco," you say with a sigh, before putting on your best impression of your dad. "the most iconic track ever, the only track to ever... blah blah blah."

having your dad along for races was always a given when you were younger. he was your best helmet carrier, your number-one supporter, and the first person you went to when celebrating or complaining.

but somewhere along the years, having him around started to become more problematic and anxiety-inducing. his support turned into criticism, and it became far more common for him to tell you to "go apologize to the engineers and ask them what you should do to perform better tomorrow" rather than give you any constructive feedback of his own.

at first, it was rough; the man who had always been your pillar to lean on, your main source of support, your safe haven, was seemingly gone. you continued to perform well, though you weren't sure if that was because you wanted to make him proud or if you were terrified of making him disappointed.

"let's have dinner with him someday, then," ollie suggests as the two of you come to a stop right outside the prema garage for the weekend. "maybe sunday, if we have things to celebrate?"

"let's hope so."

pepe calls your name once, twice, thrice, before he resorts to shaking your shoulder gently. his touch, along with the sound of the spaniard's raspy laughter, makes you finally wake from your slumber. you blink up at him, eyes droopy and mind empty. "what?"

"why are you sleeping?" pepe asks, shaking his head. "quali starts in... about an hour."

you begin to slowly push yourself up from the couch you've been lying on, yawning loudly. "i was supposed to just rest my eyes," you start, rubbing your eyes with your hands. "i didn't mean to fall asleep..."

"did you not sleep well last night? were you up late again?" pepe asks as he sits down next to you, watching you stretch your arms over your head with yet another yawn.

what are you supposed to say? yes, i was up until four am because i couldn't find any peace of mind at all? i've been dreading every second of this weekend because i never know when my dad will appear from around the corner? i'm scared he's going to be so mad over my performances that he disowns me?

pepe may know a lot of what's going on with your father, but he doesn't need to know this much.

you did, in fact, meet him earlier today, right before practice – if greeting him briefly and then instantly bolting in the opposite direction counts as a "meeting" – but since then, he's been nowhere to be seen. not even around dino or ollie when you last saw the two of them.

pepe takes your silence as an answer in itself, and he lets out a hum. "well, i'm quite nervous myself," he says frankly, pulling a hand through his hair.

"you did so well here last year, though." you nudge his shoulder with yours. "you'll be great again, i'm sure of it."

"dinner with the prince on sunday? both of us?"

you nod, shooting your friend a smile. "of course." but despite how much you wish it would become a reality, there's not even the slightest trace of faith in you. the only thing you can think about is how likely it is for this round to go in the same footsteps as your recent ones.

a great attitude to bring into a race weekend.

p9.

a top ten placement, sure. second in the reverse grid, sure. but other than that, there's not much positive in it. it's a step in the right direction, but in some way, it feels like a step that's way too short.

the sprint race starts with an incident right by you on the track, which is extremely unlucky for you since you get pretty much blocked and have nowhere to go. after being passed by several cars, the safety car finally comes out, and you find yourself in p7.

of course your father's words echo in your head all the way through the safety car period. "starting p2 means a free podium," he had told you when he stopped by right before you were getting into your car. "don't mess it up."

you're so focused on that expression on his face, the way he tilted his chin up and his head slightly to the side as he spoke, and the way it felt like your heart stopped beating for a few seconds, that you don't even realize that your engineer has told you about the safety car being about to end. you don't even acknowledge the fact that the race leader has taken off, nor that the rest of the field starts pushing again before it's too late.

some blue car tries to overtake you on the outside, and with another car on your inside you have no chance of giving either of them space – and you manage to crash into them both. not only did you ruin your own race, but also two other drivers'.

and of course, one of the cars buried into the wall next to yours is a silver hitech with a big number 17 on it.

climbing out of your car, you can hear several voices calling out for all three of you from the grandstand nearby, and you consider throwing them a wave as you climb through the metal fence to get off the track. but then, you hear one voice that's more familiar – one that belongs to the last person you want to talk to right now. "are you alright?"

you almost don't look at him, but the little glance you shoot him is enough to take in every single bit of disappointment in his eyes. what are the odds that your dad was sitting in the grandstand right where you crashed?

a nod is enough of an answer you reckon, pulling your helmet off your head and beginning to walk the way towards the paddock again. "do you want me to carry that?" your dad asks, having gotten past the security guards after showing his pass, now jogging to catch up with you.

"i'm not ten anymore," you groan. "i can handle it on my own."

"i wasn't saying you can't-" he cuts himself off, placing a hand on your shoulder. "you looked really out of it out there."

you keep your gaze forwards so he won't see you rolling your eyes at his words, determined steps carrying you forward quickly as you shake his hand off. "oh, you could see through my visor? that's cool."

"what's gotten into you lately?" your dad pushes, and you flinch slightly at the harsh tone in his voice. "what's wrong with you?"

"what do you mean?"

"well, frankly, your driving had been shit recently." your eyes snap to him when he speaks, eyebrows furrowed. "it looks like you're not even trying."

you stay silent for a long while, trying to navigate your way back – and to a place where your dad hopefully won't be allowed – but you can't help but scoff. "thank's a lot."

"what? am i wrong?"

"yes, you're wrong!" you finally stop in your tracks, fully facing him by now. a hand goes up to your hair, pulling on it to relieve at least some tension. "i'm trying my best, i-"

"is there something going wrong with ollie?" your jaw drops. "i'll talk to him, i'll settle it with him."

"don't you dare!" you exclaim. "there's nothing wrong with ollie, okay?!"

"then what is wrong with you? why can't you score ten points in nine races?"

that's it – you're going to completely lose it if this goes on for even one more second. "leave me the fuck alone," you tell him, turning your head away so he won't get a chance to see the tears beginning to form in your eyes.

the worst part of it all? the fact that you agree with him. the fact that you can't even argue against it; nine points in five rounds is not a good result at all.

surprisingly enough, he doesn't follow you when you hurry away, allowing you to get to the paddock alone. the silence doesn't mean you can hold back from crying, however; it doesn't take long before your cheeks are stained with your tears, your breaths growing quicker and quicker for every step you take. navigating the paddock with blurry vision is hard, and you're basically just relying on muscle memory to take you back to the right part of the garage. just as you're rounding a corner, you bump into someone – someone whose white suit and broad, muscular shoulders are easy to recognize even through your tears.

the other last person you want to talk to right now.

"hey there," he says, a hand coming up to your shoulder to keep you steady as you stumble a little upon the impact with his chest. "are you- woah, are you crying?"

"leave me alone, paul."

he lets out a little chuckle, one he regrets in hindsight because it makes him sound like he thinks the state you're in is funny. "i can't just walk away when you're this upset, can i?" he asks, having to use all of his willpower to hold back from wiping away a few tears from your cheeks. "is it about the crash? i'm not mad at you, and i don't think victor is either-"

"i couldn't care less about the stupid crash!" you explode, a few sobs following your words. "i'm just- i can't-"

paul's eyes widen in surprise at your outburst, hand on your shoulder slipping further along so he's got his arm draped across your shoulders and it's easier for him to force you to walk with him. now it's your turn to have to hold back, wanting nothing more than to lean into his chest and just let out all of your tears. he pushes you with him into the hitech truck, looking around the lounge area to make sure no one's there before guiding you to sit on one of the sofas there. "what's going on? did something happen?"

"i'm a bad driver, that's what happened." paul slumps into the seat right next to you, eyebrows raised when he hears you speak. "i don't belong here, i don't know what i'm doing, i-"

"hey hey hey," he cuts you off with a shake of his head. "what have we said about this?"

you look down at the floor, wiping away a few tears from your cheek as you continue to sniffle in the silence that fills the area. a burning feeling spreads through your chest at his words, the familiarity of it all making your head spin. it isn't the first time you've been like this in front of him; through the almost entire year you dated, there were quite a few times when he'd have to console you after a breakdown. paul knows your issues like the back of his hand, he knows how hard it can be to convince you that you do belong. but he also knows to never give up.

"you are a great driver," he starts, hesitating for a moment before letting his hand rub your shoulder. the action makes your breath hitch in your throat, but not because it's wrong – it's because you've missed his touch, probably far more than you've admitted to yourself before now.

"even my lousy dad thinks i'm bad," you finally get out in-between sniffles, resting your face in your hands.

"and since when do you care about his opinion, huh?"

he's right. at least partially. but still, you remain hunched over, shaking your head. "i may act like it doesn't matter, but… him calling me all kinds of things…" paul allows you to gather your thoughts, his touch remaining gentle over your racing suit. "it hurt. a lot."

he hums understandingly, letting out a sigh. "when is that stupid little brain of yours going to understand that you're doing well?" his words should bring a smile to your lips – a few months ago, they would've. but now, you don't react at all. "no matter what he says, no matter what the critics say. you're a good driver."

after another few moments of silence, you drop your hands to your lap and look at him. there's a hint of curiousity in his eyes, surprised by your sudden eye contact. "why do you even care?" you question. he's been acting like a complete idiot these past few months – and after you literally cursed him out in melbourne, you haven't spoken a word to each other. and yet, he's taking time out of his day to comfort you like he would a year ago.

"come on…" he presses his lips together in a firm line, shaking his head. "no matter what happens between us, i'll always look after you."

his words, and maybe especially your emotional reaction to them, take you by surprise. despite the anger and frustration you've built up over the last few months, there's an undeniable warmth in his gaze that softens your defenses. the feeling of nostalgia and longing is so strong it's almost painful, as if he has reminded you of a connection you thought had been lost forever.

it's quite strange, considering everything that's happened. but you're not opposed to it.

"how are you feeling after the crash?" paul asks to break the silence as you reach up to dry away the last of your tears from your cheeks. "that was a big impact you had. i got away lightly in comparison."

for the first time since the crash, you stop to actually think about it and allow yourself to feel through your body. the adrenaline from the race has worn off by now, and there's a throbbing in your head that seems to just grow stronger by the second. "i think… i'm alright…"

"do you want me to go get ollie for you? the race should be done by now," he says, checking the clock on the wall in the truck. "he can take you to go see a medic."

you shake your head instantly. "please, don't. for real."

paul shoots you a strange, confused look, though he gives you a slight nod. "okay, but you have to tell him," he says, pausing a second before continuing. "i know that head of yours, you're going to combust if you keep hiding this. you can't go through it alone."

"i promise."

you don't end up going to the medical center.

you do, however, go find ollie yourself – but you don't tell him about your chat with paul. instead, you hope he doesn't take notice of the not-so-subtle signs that you've just had a complete meltdown.

it's easy to break promises to people who you don't need to stay truthful to, you realize. last year, you wouldn't even think about breaking a promise to paul – but an ex boyfriend is much easier to lie to.

your current boyfriend wraps his arms around you the second you step close enough. his lips press to the side of your head, his arms giving you another squeeze before pulling away.

ollie has gotten used to your red eyes.

he's gotten used to the sight of your tearstained cheeks, the slight pout on your lips, the heaviness in your sighs.

he's gotten used to the sinking feeling in his stomach, the pain in his chest, the guilt.

but he's also gotten used to not asking, because he knows you won't tell.

when you wake up on feature race day, something is different. it's like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders after talking to paul; like the air is suddenly much easier to breathe, and the whole world seems a little lighter. you're much more excited for the feature race of the day than any race so far this season.

in today's race, it's ollie's time to crash out. it isn't his fault, though; he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and got squeezed up against the wall by a trident car. there was nothing he could do.

as soon as he's deemed free of injuries, he makes his way back to the prema garage, joining the team in watching the rest of the race. it's a good one for you; choosing to go with the opposite strategy has really worked out for you so far, with you and zak o'sullivan being the only two drivers in the top who haven't pitted yet.

ollie follows your car intently on the screen in the garage, secretly hoping for a safety car to come out and help you out with your strategy as it's nearing the last few laps. he almost doesn't pull out of his trance even when a hand lands on his shoulder. "she's doing great," dino says from behind him, the brit nodding along to his words. "especially considering... well, she must've told you about yesterday, so i won't repeat it to you."

yesterday?

ollie looks dumbfounded for a moment before he composes himself, though he has no idea what the swede is talking about. "of course."

dino lets out a chuckle, patting his friend's shoulder. "paul said she was a complete mess when he found her," he continues, not realizing he's giving ollie more clues to help figure out what in the world he's talking about. "her anxiety was all over the place, apparently. but she's recovering, she's strong. she won't let this affect her."

ollie hums agreeingly at his words, eyes still glued to the tv in front of him. "certainly," he finally gets out. "she'll get through it with ease."

and so you did – at least for this particular race.

the virtual safety car was incredibly lucky, but that's racing sometimes. with both you and zak changing your tyres in the last lap, you both managed to end up ahead of the rest of the field, and secure a podium each.

unlike in jeddah, seeing paul's car pull up right next to yours on parc ferme isn't all that bad. after yesterday's heart-to-heart with him, you feel like at least part of this podium is thanks to him. if it weren't for his encouragement, you likely would've stuck it in the wall again.

you don't ignore him this time. you don't scoff at his words, you don't feel frustrated at his mere presence. this time, you give him a tight hug when he comes over to congratulate you, arms around his shoulders forcing him close.

"thank you," you can't help but whisper, and paul is grinning from ear to ear when he pulls away from the hug.

"don't," he answers with a quick shake of his head. "you could always pull this off. you just needed a little reminder."

and not only do your shoulders and mind feel a bit lighter as you step onto that monaco podium, but most importantly, your heart.

"i'm exhausted," you huff as you shrug your bag off your shoulders, leaving it by the door as ollie, too, makes his way into the hotel room. "thank god this weekend is finally over."

you dive onto his already-made bed, landing face-down between the pillows and blankets. the bed is huge, probably over two meters in width, and unbelievably soft. it's the first time you feel like you can truly relax since you got to monaco, and every single cell in your body thanks you for allowing them to rest a little.

"and i don't even have any sim sessions scheduled in over a week. i'm the luckiest person ever." ollie lets out a chuckle at this, his own bag crashing to the floor with a thud before his feet carry him deeper inside the room.

you turn your head and watch as he picks out a water bottle from the mini fridge, but he doesn't drink from it. instead, he makes his way to the bed, choosing to just stand next to it at first. you can't really read his expression, so you speak up – but he beats you to it. "ollie-"

"can we talk?"

you press your hands into the mattress, sitting up properly. "of course," you say, a look of unknowing dejection spreading across your features. "what's wrong?"

"that's... what i wanted to ask you, actually." ollie finally sits down on the bed, but on the opposite side of it, far from you. "what's going on? what happened yesterday?"

"oh, well..." you pause for a second, eyebrows rising as you try to find an explanation. "i just had a bad day, i didn't realize that the safety car-"

"i don't mean the race, i mean what happened after the race." his eyes are piercing into yours, not missing even the slightest movement of your face now. you've got his full attention. "with paul."

your breath hitches in your throat and you instantly look away. your voice is as low as a whisper when you speak again. "i can't believe he told you..."

"he didn't. it was someone else, but that's beside the point." you don't know if you should feel relieved that paul didn't tell ollie, or furious that he told someone else who then told ollie, but you don't have any time to think before his voice infiltrates your thoughts again. "i heard you were... i'm not going to use the same word he did, but i heard you were really upset. something about anxiety, or..."

he hopes you'll pick up where he trailed off, and despite how you're really not in the mood for this conversation right now, it feels unavoidable. "i guess... yesterday's race was really rough on me. and my racing has felt really bad recently, the anxiety has been through the roof, and..." your eyes land on your hands, watching as your fingers tremble slightly in your lap. "i don't know. something about yesterday just triggered it all again."

out of the corner of your eye, you can see ollie nodding understandingly. "how long have you been feeling like this?"

"since always, basically." a single teardrop rolls down your cheek before you even notice that you've started tearing up. you hurry to wipe it away with the sleeve of your shirt. "my mom likes to tell this story about how i used to cry if i performed poorly when i was jumping rope in kindergarten. or about how one time, i came home sobbing over the fact that i thought i was getting kicked out of kindergarten because my drawings weren't as good as the other kids'." the old stories bring a soft smile to your lips, one that soon disappears when you shake your head and squeeze your eyes shut. "it's not usually this bad, but…"

you sigh.

"it's like... imposter syndrome. i'm one of the very few women in motorsports, and i can't help but think that i'm just here because the fia wants to make the sport more equal. or because my sponsors think it's funny to have a woman among the men. or if i'm just here as eye candy. i don't deserve this, i don't have enough talent."

your little rant makes him speechless – both because he didn't expect it at all, and because to him, you're so wrong.

"you're here because you do deserve it and because you consistently perform good results, unlike most other drivers. that has nothing to do with your gender." ollie pauses for a second. "if you didn't have enough talent, you wouldn't be performing this well in a series this hard."

you can't hold back the little smile that slips onto your lips. "this is all very sweet, and i really appreciate it. but it's not that easy for me to just accept what you're saying."

yet again, he nods. "i understand." his voice is so calm, so gentle, so patient. it makes your heart soften. "i'll make sure to remind you of it more often, so that maybe it sticks."

"thank you, ollie."

a long silence follows, and you take the time to brush away a few more tears that have left your eyes. you don't know what to say or how to follow up on this heavy subject, but you don't have to think much more.

"why did you go to paul instead of me?"

your eyes dart to him at the sudden question. he's sounded so composed and calm, but he actually looks quite... nervous? his fingers are fiddling with the lid of the water bottle in his hands, and his entire upper body looks like it's trembling slightly as he breathes. "i didn't," you tell him simply. it's not a lie, per se. "he just happened to walk in on me crying."

"but why did you tell him?" ollie questions, looking up at you from the bottle. "i thought you two weren't even talking these days? ever since that fight you had?"

he is right. you don't even know why you confided in him yourself – it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. you didn't even try to deny his help; you welcomed it (and him) with open arms.

"we talked about my struggles last year," you finally say, pulling your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them. "so he knew already. and… i don't know, i guess it felt nice to talk to someone who really knows me."

"but i want to know you." he takes a deep breath before continuing. "i want to know more than your birthday and your favorite color. i want to know it all; what makes you feel good, what makes you anxious, what keeps you going, what slows you down..."

the physical distance between you two may only be a mere two meters, but you feel much more separated than that. you totally understand where he's coming from – he might be exaggerating a little, but your conversations with him are never really deep. though not sure whether it's because you just don't trust him or because you just have a hard time opening up, you can understand the despair he must be feeling.

when ollie notices that you aren't too keen on saying anything, he keeps going. "i want you to trust me. i want to be the person you tell these things to." he scoots closer to you on the bed, one of his hands landing on top of your knee. "i really want to make this work between us. my feelings for you are so strong, just..."

the pain in his eyes is so intense it sends a shiver down your spine, his gaze cutting through you like a knife. your own eyes begin to well up again, but you can't look away now.

"i really want you to give this, give me, a chance."

you've never seen him like this before. hopeless, desperate, practically begging. and in an instant, the guilt comes creeping back into you.

you're the one who's making him feel like this; it's all your fault. and how cruel wouldn't it be to not at least give him an honest chance?

"of course." your voice is weak and shaky, but you nod. "i want that, too. really."

ollie drops his water bottle to the floor before opening his arms wide for you. "come here."

it's easy to climb into his embrace, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as he holds you close. it's easy to lean into him, to inhale his sweet scent, and it's so easy to relax.

you wish it was as easy to open up to him. oh, how badly you wish it was as easy as a-b-c or do-re-mi. you really want to let him in; you, too, want this to work.

the silence that follows is a comfortable one. the air feels thick with unspoken emotions, a heaviness of the previous conversation still lingering, but there's an unspoken understanding between you and ollie. the previously well-known weight of the world on your shoulders seems to lift, if only momentarily; his fingers tracing soothing patterns on your back is like a silent reassurance that he's there, he's present, and he's willing to wait for you to open up in your own time.

after what feels like an eternity, ollie breaks the silence. "let's do something. let's go on a vacation together."

you lean back slightly, just enough to look at his face but stay in his hold. "…what?"

your reaction isn't exactly what he had hoped for, but he goes on. "i'm going back to italy this week, you should come with me." he reaches up with a hand to your face, thumb softly massaging away the frown you hadn't even noticed had formed. "we'll travel around, go see the national parks, hike in the mountains... swim in the sea, eat at good italian restaurants..."

your features soften at his suggestions; it all does sound very sweet. still, you can't hold back from asking, "but why?"

"we have almost a month until the next race weekend, and you said that you don't have any sims this week. this could help take your mind off racing, and..." a sheepish smile appears on his face. "maybe it could make us get a little closer."

uncertainties and conflicting thoughts continue to cloud your heart, making the decision harder than it should be. on one hand, accepting the offer could offer a much-needed reprieve from all the pressures of the racing world. on the other hand, your unresolved feelings for paul still hold you back. spending a romantic holiday with ollie sounds like a dream, just as much as the mere thought of revealing yourself to him makes you nauseous from the fear.

but you want to be brave. and maybe to let go of paul, you need to just forget about your worries and dive head-first into ollie.

"it sounds perfect. let's do it."

yourusername just posted!

yourusername we're back baby!! leaving monaco with some good points. 🔜 barcelona and the team's home race, let's go 😁

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[yandere-sins]

The Orcas' Tale - Give up wanting to leave them (BE 2)

Sooo, finally another bad end, and a really long one at that! Please heed the warnings at always, and I hope you guys enjoy it ♥

Fandom: Original Content   Pairings: Yandere!Orca Mermen x GN!AFAB!Reader   Warnings: Yandere, Monsters, Violence (Scratching, Biting, Verbal Abuse, Mention of a tragic birth), Sexual Content (Fingering, Groping, Mention of monster cocks, Non-consensual touches), Pregnancy and Nursing mention, Baby mention, Baby death mention, Animalistic behavior, Mention of blood/claws/sharp teeth, Hinting at death, Long Post

Why should you even try? 

Slowly, you let your breath slide out through your gritted teeth, the tension being pulled from your body as you exhaled. Until there was nothing. You simply felt nothing. No anxiety, no stress, no panic. The urgency from before was replaced by numbness, your mind turning blank as you stared at the pool, the water gently rippling. It was utterly dark, seemingly endless in its depth. Even with the light of the shining plant climbing along the walls, the only thing that got clearer by the second was that there was nothing you could do.

It was simply a fact. A fact you had tried to deny for so long but that those three had already pointed out to you countless times. You were weak; you were helpless. Without them, you'd still be out there on your little raft. No one would have come to save you. Being indebted to them was one thing, but you couldn't deny it anymore that the chance of going back to your life had already been very slim even before they found you. Of course they wouldn't want to risk their life for someone they barely knew. Make a tedious and dangerous journey for someone they had already saved once before out of the goodness of their hearts.

And you… couldn't swim there. You had no idea where you were, but there was a high chance it wasn't near land. Judging by how little light illuminated the water in the small pool, you'd have to dive and swim quite a bit before you'd reach the surface. And then what? Try to weather the moody waters until you'd either die from exhaustion, heatstroke, or drown in the waves? They already told you they wouldn't come for you if you left on your own, so aside from nature's cruelty, you'd also be subject to predators like the orcas. Not even a trained swimmer would have a chance. You certainly wouldn't make it back to land. Who were you going to fool?

Just like that, you realized the choice you had to make.

"Fine…" you mumbled, catching everyone's attention, Lyr even pried open an eye again to watch you. "I'll stay."

There was a moment of silence. Even your heartbeat was booming when there were no breaths or movements around you in the cave. The expectancy of a joke was loud and clear, even amongst these creatures that weren't supposed to be human enough to understand it. As if you were going to go back on your word any passing second now and throw another tantrum about how you want to leave immediately. 

"Human," Nerrocan mumbled, sounding almost like a warning. "Let's sleep over it."

"No." Shaking your head, you cut off the idea. "I am done trying to fight battles I can't win! I don't have the strength to keep going like this. I have to make a decision now and be done worrying and agonizing about all the possibilities and consequences! I… I'll stay here. With you guys. You promised to keep me safe, so you better step up!"

You could feel the tears shooting into your eyes and quickly wiped them away, fed up with crying and too exhausted to care about the warning signs your body sent you. Your throat was clogged up, but you had said your piece, ready to lay the argument to rest. Just like you were ready to finally go to sleep and regain some of the sanity you had lost over the last few hours. Sleep that wasn't induced by panic or violence. Checking the ground behind you for stones or unevenness, you settled down, heaving a deep breath and trying to let go of any remnants of your conflicting feelings. All you wanted were a few hours of not having to think or feel before facing the new reality you chose. 

"Human," someone purred to your left, ripping you out of the calm you tried to force yourself into. Opening your eyes, Krill's face hung above yours, his deep red eyes sparkling alongside his widely spread grin. Almost immediately, regret crept back into your conscience as you dragged your arms in front of your body, only for your wrists to be caught in one of Krill's hands. 

"So you agree to stay? Give yourself to us?"

Before you knew it, he had brought his head down, his voice sweeter than anything you had ever heard, goosebumps surging on your skin as the sound tingled all over you. You gave a brief but firm nod, wiggling your body beneath him while Krill's body weighed down on you, the merman not wasting a breath to respond to your agreement. Lips crashing into yours, the strange sensation of his kiss reminded you of Nerrocan's when he first pulled you into the water. Domineering, confident, hungry. It didn't soothe the resurfacing anxiety, the thoughts swirling in your mind as you were forced to open your mouth for him, his plump tongue breaking through to lick at your blunt teeth and taste what you had to offer. 

You could barely struggle beneath him, trying desperately just to get air. But with your hands pinned down, Krill only relented when he felt every muscle in your body tensing, briefly pulling away for you to breathe while he kissed along your jaw and the side of your neck laid bare before him. This wasn't what you wanted from this deal, but you neither had the strength nor the chance to hide the jerk that went through you when his teeth grazed over the spot between your shoulder and neck, your whine sounding awfully lot like a moan.

The three of them gave you no second to catch your composure as all their hands seemed to appear across your body, claws squeezing into your flesh while the pads of their hands rubbed up on your inner thigh. Their interest in you greatly outweighed their common sense, and they grew more and more eager to explore you with every touch that fell on you, never enough to quench their curiosity. It was then that you realized the full extent of your choice. The consequence of your actions.

"We'll take good care of you," Krill hummed, his voice sending shivers up your spine, causing a tingle deep in your core. You knew he was using his magical siren voice at you, and yet you could not reasonably explain the visceral need you felt to keep hearing it. Your whole body shivered when he added in a honeyed purr, "I promise."

You knew you couldn't trust him, the orcas' promises never actually being fulfilled. But you realized then and there that you didn't have the fight left in you to argue. To really make them promise. There was no time to concentrate on anything other than the sensations running through your body as his hand slipped below, a strong, clawed finger settling between your folds, slowly, rhythmically circling and pressing into your sex. The sensation left you writhing up to the moment when the tip of his claw got caught on the fabric of your wetsuit. You gasped, shooting upwards, only for more hands to grab your shoulders.

As if they coordinated their movements, Krill's body retreated, not out of sight, but out of your thoughts, the sound of water splashing as he sank into the pool, barely able to catch your attention as Lyr took over. With his chest in your back, he kept you seated, a smug grin playing around his lips as he looked down on you from behind.

"Who's a good human?" he asked, your brain fully aware that he was mocking you, turning your expression into a grimace. And yet… at the same time… his voice kept going where Krill left off, your gut churning with the need to hear more of it.

"I'm not your pet!" you hissed back, but the sound was more of a childish complaint than the confident reply you wanted it to be. However, before you two could argue, your focus was diverted, your eyes snapping forward to Krill's hands roaming between your legs, spreading them. With his body demanding space between your thighs, he used his hands to slip beneath the supple flesh of your thighs, lifting them up and out of the way, steading them over his shoulders. "What–!" you tried to argue when your head was forcefully pulled backwards, eyes falling back on Lyr, whose sharp teeth showed in the form of a large grin.

"That's where you're wrong," he chuckled, placing his hand, gently yet firm, around your throat, denying you the chance to look away as he leaned forward to kiss you, tongue swiping over your lips demandingly. You couldn't help but jolt and push your hands into his shoulders above you, but no matter how much of your left-over strength you used, he didn't budge a bit until you relented, letting him in, the merman exploring your mouth with his tongue to his heart's content, letting out little chuckles as he went about having his way with you. 

There was no time to comprehend and work through everything that happened. Your clothes didn't last long with their hands clawing through the fabric until they could brandish your skin with their scratches. Tongues turned into teeth, salvia into blood. You gasped when Krill filled you with one of his fingers, moaning into Nerrocan's mouth, who had made it his life mission to ease you into their groping with more kisses, allowing you to breathe through him only. If you had to assess them, he was the only gentle one, and yet, even he couldn't stop himself from squeezing your breast needily when his grabby hands found them. 

Even he couldn't hold back biting a bloody, possessive ring of teeth marks around your nipples when the chance presented itself, and neither could his packmates, the hot blood trickling from your shoulder and thighs mixing with your tears and juices while they licked the wounds devotedly. None of them was satisfied with just one bite, marking their territories on your body, their jaws stretching wider, teeth burying deeper, and tongues licking more fervently with every mark.

The claw inside your cunt made you anxious, your walls clenching around the thick finger involuntarily, even as you were distracted from the waves of pleasure and pain. You tried your best to keep yourself controlled and conscious, but you were failing miserably, their muttered voices lulling you into letting yourself fall, giving up your struggles. You hadn't yet loosened up enough when Krill forced another one of his fingers inside, cursing about your tightness. 

"How's my cock supposed to fit inside?" he complained to no one in particular while your body jerked, sobs escaping you as he rampaged your pussy. It hurt! It was anything but lovingly! And yet, he fucked joint after joint inside you, triggering all the sweet spots you wished he'd never find. "It's like you want this to hurt! You're so much worse than our females!"

Every tear trickling from your eyes was licked up by the other two, and every complaint was swallowed by another kiss. You had already given in to them once, but letting go completely was harder than you thought. "Relax," Lyr purred into your ear from behind, sounding so damn convincing to your struggling brain and making you breathe out the air you've been holding in. His hand wandered below, teasing your body on its way until it found your cunt, spreading it and flicking his finger unintentionally over your clit.

"Do that again," Krill ordered, perplexed when you moaned out loud, your walls tensing and releasing with a shudder. You could hear the knowing chuckle behind you before Lyr began assaulting your clit with his fingers, twisting and circling over it, his touch so rough and mean, and yet distracting you from the hardship of Krill fucking you with his fingers until it came all together in harmony.

Nerrocan demanded entrance to your mouth once more as he played with your breasts, his claws stimulating and pulling your nipples alongside the pleasure given to you by the other two. That way, you were kept between heaven and hell until you finally caved, your orgasm rattling through your body violently, eyes rolling back as the three pushed you over the edge. Your songs of pleasure ripped through the silent cave, and the three joined in with cocky laughter and adoring whistles.

For a few moments, you were gone from the world, gone from the pain and agony that your decision had already given you. Someone laid you down into the soft fur as you convulsed, fingers popping out of you before you were enveloped in more tongues licking off the remnants of your orgasm, exploring and tasting you, forcing out whines from your throat whenever they teased a sensitive area. 

You were doomed. So fucking doomed.

It was nice that you'd go out with a bang, pleasure overweighing pain. Still, you hadn't saved yourself with your decision, only putting you into more misery. It had never been an equal partnership that they offered. You were more of a pet than an accepted member of their squad. But when you focused your gaze, staring into three sparkling pairs of eyes, pearls of cum dripping from their erect cocks onto your body, you knew you were more than even a pet. You were going to be their personal pleasure toy. And outlet for their desires. A broodmare.

Their children's mother. 

And your body did the only thing it could do to save you, forcing your conscience to drift away from you, your vision turning black as the sight of them closed in.

"It is so small. Again."

You didn't dare to pry your eyes off the little devil baby in your arms, even when his great aunt spewed her venomous words around you again. Even after baby two—actually three—she still had nothing nice to say about the half-humans you had given birth to for her sons and nephew. She had nothing but snide comments and derogatory words, and though every one of them stung, there was little you could do against her. 

"I'm sorry," you muttered, flinching noticeably when your son accidentally bit instead of sucked on your breast, hungry and desperate for milk that you wanted to feed him but couldn't. Even if you were lucky to even produce milk, considering your child wasn't the only one feeding from it and the constant stress you were under, there was never enough for him. Compared to his brethren, your son was small, causing loads of fear and anguish amongst the pack if he'd even make it. Yet he fed like a champion, suffering from your lack of milk to the point of recklessly biting you. 

"Come now, Dessi. Cut the human some slack."

Compared to her sister, Thalassa was much gentler when it came to you. Nerrocan's mother couldn't and wouldn't hide the smile on her face as she scooped up her first known grandchild from your arms, one palm enough to hold the little man. Had the three merely told you how massive the females of their pack were, you might not have believed it, but they towered over you, easily trice your size. Once the baby was out of your hands, you clutched your breast, the left-over milk mixing with blood as you winced. Unlike his father, the little rascal didn't leave deep and permanent marks, but your time pregnant and nursing was visible all over alongside the claiming mating bites, especially with the lack of clothes you were given, modesty not needed underwater. 

"You're just happy it's your grandchild this time." Desdemona followed the statement with a loud huff, dissatisfied and annoyed as she always was when it came to matters concerning you, while she stared at the little baby in her sister's palm. Danger gleamed in her eyes as she watched Thalassa coo and bubble to the baby, almost looking like a human grandmother despite her statue-esque size and unmistakable skin pattern similar to Nerrocan's. But if you were honest, only a small part of you would try to save your child from her wrath should she decide to unleash it on your son. You knew better than to try and throw a tantrum around the matriarch of the pack, who wished for nothing more than for you to disappear. 

"If only these three rascals would get their bums out there and have children with strong and healthy females instead of… that."

Her eyes shifted to you, and you instinctively hung your head in shame, knowing how unwelcome you were. In her eyes, you were a mere plaything of her children, not the respected mother of her grandkids. Your first encounter had been tense, Krill, Lyr, and Nerrocan having decided not to make a secret out of your existence but introduce you to their pack. They received a lot of retaliation from everyone, but when they made it clear through bared fangs and screeching that they would choose you over their family, the matriarch eventually relented. 

She cared very little about the new position you gained in the whole pack as the mother of her grandchildren, though. And behind whistles and snarky looks from every merfolk you met in the months you had been here, it was pretty clear that the only reason you were even tolerated was because of your three mates, who wouldn't hear any reason when it came to their choice of partner. Yes, mates.

Another reason she hated you so, as her sons and nephew refused to find—in her opinion—better partners and make children that were worthy of being nurtured and taught the ways of the sirens. Orcas didn't tend to stay monogamous. To learn they actually had a word for it, hearing it the first time uttered in disgust from the matriarch, had been an awful surprise. Desdemona despised you for depriving Krill and Lyr of that possibility, blaming you for their focus ever only being on you. As if you asked them to obsess and impregnate you. As if it was all your fault.

When really, it was just another consequence of your decision years ago.

Being tolerated was better than being dead, at least, even if your body felt like it was dying. Siren-human babies were needy like a human would be, in the body of a mermaid, together with sharp teeth and a tail. The horror of birthing was still stuck in every bone, and you were exhausted from being up all night trying to get your child to calm down. Nerrocan tried his best, taking his son swimming or floating at the surface when he could, but he was duty-bound, away most of the day to hunt. And if it wasn't their child, Krill and Lyr weren't genuinely interested in it, only looking forward to the time you'd be ready to mate again. 

"That's right," Thalassa chuckled, playing with the baby that looked like a miniature toy in her hands. It should have alarmed you, but who were you to derive the grandmother of what she enjoyed when she could crush you with one hand? "I am so happy it's my grandson this time. You already have one, Dessi! It's more than fair it was my sweet, little Nerrocan having a child this time. And look how cute it is! You're the cutest little thing in the world, aren't you?"

Your child was happily bubbling while you shrugged away from Desdemona, who seemed to slowly but surely lose her mind over her sister's affection for the little devil spawn she saw in your son. "At least it's a siren this time," she hissed angrily, reminding you of the painful memories you tried to forget. 

This child was lucky to be born with all the traits needed to survive below the ocean's surface. Fangs, claws, gills, and a tail were enough to secure its place in the pack, unlike his sister, your second child, who was born human and not a siren. It had been another show of how cruel these creatures were, ripping her away from you the moment you had birthed her, never even allowing you to hold her. A delusional part of you wanted to believe she was still alive, but you had never even once seen her, the sound of her cries turning into gurgles the only thing you remembered.

Your relationship with Lyr had never been the same since then. After all, it was his daughter that just didn't make the cut with the pack. These memories were too painful to remember for both of you, but even when he showed up and slept in the same cave, bringing you food and gifts, you knew he couldn't forget them, either. 

The water in the large entrance pool of the community hall—another cave, though larger and wider, with space for thirty or more orcas to assemble and often used by families to chat and linger—rippled before you as a familiar face broke through the surface, smiling politely at you when your eyes crossed. She was young and highly regarded in terms of merfolk's standards, some distant relative of your mates. But you never even learned her name as she only came to collect your children at your mother-in-law's request. She had nursed your first son for you and did it for the newborn now, but not without throwing you a pitiful glance when she thought you weren't looking.

To her, as to everyone else, you were nothing but a minor lifeform, unsuited and better as food than as mother for the children of their strongest warriors. Had she not been family, surely the matriarch had asked her to bear Krill's or Lyr's child, and she'd be the one sitting here with them, nursing and chatting with very happy grandmothers. Envy was not a good look on her pretty face, but could you begrudge her for it? 

"Time for food!" Thalassa lilted, ignoring that you had just nursed him, at least to some extent. Lowering her hand towards the pretty mermaid, the latter scooped the tiny child into her arms, giving a well-mannered bow to the matriarch and her sister but sparing only a short glance at you before slipping under. Gone was your hungry baby, and you breathed out, trying not to make your relief known too much. 

"Hah…" Desdemona sighed, looking after the younger female with longing in her eyes. "If you could at least produce enough milk for your own child, we wouldn't have to bother our lovely and kind daughters and nieces with providing for it. Do you even do anything but take from us, Human?"

Biting your lip, you knew arguing was pointless. What would you even say? Apologizing would only make her mad, and standing up for yourself had proved useless. No matter how many kills and victories her sons and nephew dedicated to you or how many gold chains and jewels they decorated you with, she'd never see you worthy of anything but her frustration and anger. Changing her opinion was nearly impossible if no one she respected argued for her.

"Now, now, Sister. Leave the poor mother alone. I have nursed your children too when they drained you of all your milk, don't you remember?" Thalassa came to your rescue, and you shot her a brief smile as a thank you that she returned in kind.

"That was something completely different."

"Sure it was, Desdemona. Isn't it more important that our sons are happy? Don't you like seeing them do their best for their beloved and the pack?"

Baring her teeth at her sister, Thalassia finally relented with her gentle scolding, raising her hands conciliatory at the matriarch whose word stood above everyone's, including her sister's. 

"Only when the human finally gives Lyr the child he deserves will they truly be happy."

It stung. Hearing her underhanded insults at your lost daughter and yourself hurt exactly like she intended, especially when paired with a glare that could kill. Lowering your head, the tears stung badly in your eyes, even when you tried to hold them back, not wanting her to see your display of weakness. She still noticed, especially with the scowl her sister gave her.

"Everyone makes mistakes," she backpaddled loudly, not as much caring about you as she cared about the image she created of herself to the other few groups of female orcas lingering around but keeping their distance. How would she look in their eyes, making her grandson's mother cry? "Our sons and us included, Thalassia."

"After all, it was the human's choice to stay here."

Unable to hold back your sobs, you covered your face in your hands. You wanted to scream that NO! it wasn't your choice. Well… it was, but what else could you have done? Simply said goodbye to your life? Miserably succumbed to nature or the predators waiting for you? Died while on your journey and killing their sons while at it?

"Ah, the tears again," Desdemona sighed, defeated. As if it was her who was suffering a great ordeal. Knowing you were painting her in the cruel light befitting of her attitude, she resorted to brushing off your feelings, even going as far as to mock you. "What a pitiful creature. Truly pitiful. The only reason you are still alive is because our sons feed and adore you. They might buy into your crying, but I will not humor this any longer, let's go, Thassi."

Slipping into the water, her massive body disappeared into the depths you, too, called your home now, however unwillingly. You knew below you was an elaborate city of deep waters and caves, all belonging to the pack. Nerrocan had shown it to you, albeit over a long, long time, as you couldn't adjust your eyes properly underwater. Without help, you were lost, left to someone's goodwill to be brought from and to the cave you shared with your mates, stranding you wherever you were, oftentimes alone and hurting as no one would reply to your calls. 

When she was gone, it was another big stone off your shoulders, her presence nothing but agonizing and dreadful. Thalassa scooted closer, her giant palm settling gently at your back. "It's alright," she soothed you, and you tried to compose yourself, wiping away the tears. "She's actually very happy with Krill being a father and her sweet grandson."

Her comforting words were nothing but pretty lies. However, you nodded, the pack's second-in-command still instilling a good heap of fear into you, even if she was pretending to be nice. 

"Alas," she sighed, a thoughtful hum escaping her, no less melodic than any word anyone ever spoke to you. She leaned forward, the hand rubbing your back coming to a halt as her fingers wrapped around your body, claws placed against your skin. She didn't hurt you, didn't even press a mark into your flesh, but the sharp claws against your neck and above your heart were threatening enough for you to still, not daring to move and hurt yourself on them. 

"You don't really have to give her another grandchild, you know? It would be a waste to strain your body for Lyr again. That boy is no good, not even as a father. How about you give my sweet Nerrocan another child? I don't mind if it's a girl or a boy, but wouldn't it be so nice if we could become a big, happy family? Bigger than Desdemona's. See, I can't have children anymore, but you're still fertile. Wouldn't you like to see me at the head of the pack instead of her? I know I'm asking much, but you could do me this little favor, and maybe I can put in a good word for you with everyone."

You glanced at her from the corner of your eyes, too afraid to turn your head. Her smile was no longer warm and welcoming. There was no kindness and no motherly care left in the calculated, forced expression on her face. Once again, she made you realize you were nothing in this world, their schemes and power struggles just as bad as humans, and if not a pet to her son and nephews, you were a pawn for her to rise to the position of the matriarch. 

"Think about how happy Nerrocan would be if you chose him for your next mating cycle. And of course, I'd be so happy too if you'd give me another grandchild. It's your decision, of course. I am sure you'll make the right decision… this time."

You nodded slowly over her claw to prevent yourself from getting hurt. In the end, every kind word and gesture had just been to move her plan into motion, cozying up to you for her own gain. Thalassa was no different from her sister or everyone else, and when she slipped into the pool, the grand cave hall slowly emptying out with the other orcas leaving as well, an awfully familiar feeling of loneliness overcame you.

Looking up at the glowing plant light at the ceiling, silent tears poured from your eyes as you longed for the warmth of a real family and real friends surrounding you. Of any human, really. Of the warm sun and the cozy rain, clouds above your head instead of stone and water. Endless amounts of water. You missed days you were pain-free and cared for. Where someone asked for your thoughts because they liked to hear them. You knew what you signed up for by now, but the cost had been too great, too devastating for you to bear.

The trophies and gold you were adorned with wouldn't make you happy. Being pregnant and raising more children wouldn't make you happy. Being with your mates, not out of love, but because you needed them to survive, didn't make you happy. Being a pawn and popping out kids for some power-hungry orca lady wouldn't make you happy, regardless of her promises. You had a role in this pack, and as such, you were treated well. But just because you were tolerated and respected, you'd never be happy with how you were treated as nothing more than a mother to children no one wants you to have aside from Krill and Nerrocan, maybe Lyr.

Staring into the water, you couldn't see the ground below. It was there, you'd reach it eventually if you sank far enough, but you wouldn't live long enough to ascend from it again. No one would come to save you this time. No one would take you home and tell you they loved you. But if you couldn't be happy… then at least you could be free.

And finally, everyone would be satisfied with your choice. 

[silv3rswirls]

Their s/o struggles with anxiety

Requests are open!

Note: So sorry this is late anon! I took a little break from requests. Thank you for requesting though! I hope you like it 💕

Anon asks: Hi lovely here to keep ya busy. How about a reaction with dearest Stray Kids in which they spot signs of anxiety on their s/o and help em out...

♡Chan♡

He’s observant, his eyes are always on you when out in public. He knows how hard social settings can be for you especially when they’re overcrowded and hectic as the one you were currently at was. He’s become so good at reading you, comforting you, knowing when you’ve reached your limit. He’ll slip away somewhere quiet with you; let you calm down, do breathing exercises, get you whatever you need, etc. He always knows what to say to make you feel even just a little better.

♡Minho♡

He always holds your hand whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. He squeezes it and runs his thumb over your knuckles, telling you to just focus on breathing. He’ll pull you aside and give you a gentle pep talk if you’re feeling upset about it. He’s the kind of giving you security when your feeling like this, going along for the ride as you learn how to cope with your anxiety.

♡Changbin♡

You found going out in public to be overwhelming most of the time. It’s always easy for you to get overstimulated, and Changbin has grown to know when you are. He doesn’t mind if you need to put headphones on or something to help you get through things. He’s flexible, offering to go somewhere quieter or less crowded if he feels like the function will be too much. He helps you resettle and adjust when needed and is always by your side as long as you want him to be.

♡Hyunjin♡

When you turned to him and nervously admitted you felt like throwing up, Hyunjin nearly had a heart attack. He had no clue your anxiety over what was happening was that great, but got up with you immediately. He waits in the doorway worried and ready to comfort you when you step out to try and recollect yourself. He combs his fingers through your hair, gets you something for your stomach, and assures you it’s okay and it’s fine with taking you home to rest.

♡Jisung♡

When you’re feeling down and overwhelmed with emotions, Han doesn’t mind staying home to be with you. He’ll stay in bed with you all morning, letting you rest or cry or vent to him. He gets you whatever you want; warm drinks, comfort food, extra blankets, etc. He understands feeling this way and wants to take care of you like you do for him.

♡Felix♡

Chest and stomach pains were nothing new. You were always telling him in stressful or anxiety inducing situations how your chest would tighten and hurt, or your stomach would turn to the point of pain. He listens and pays great mind to your social cues, and doesn’t mind cutting anything short of you’re in discomfort. He holds your hand, draws shapes on your skin, and lets you curl up with him.

♡Seungmin♡

It took him a bit to notice how bad your nail biting and skin picking was, but when he does he offers to help you try to break the anxious habit. He tries all the usual tracks with you; lemon juice or bitter tasting nail polish, helping file your nails down short, bandaids, etc. it makes him sad when he notices you’ve picked around your nails until they’ve bleed. He helps take care of them and stop you when it happens. If you're insecure over how torn up they get, he assures you there’s nothing wrong with it.

♡Jeongin♡

When you can’t settle your mind down to go to sleep he’ll gladly stay up with you. He’ll lay there and do nothing, or get up and do something with you if you want. He could talk calmly with you or just sit in comfortable silence; whatever you need. He’ll listen to whatever worries are keeping you up and try to talk through them with you. He’ll try things like tea or exercising that are supposed to help you sleep. He’ll cuddle with you, let you vent, anything you wanted.

[moonlightndaydreams]

Body Language

NSFW // minors do not interact

Pairing: Lee Minho x female reader

Genre: strangers to lovers // romance and smut

Word count: 5.2k approx. mostly spicy smut 🌶️

Story: whilst attending a gathering at Felix’s apartment, you meet his new housemate, Minho. You don’t speak Korean, and Minho knows very little English, but somehow he understands exactly what you need.

Warnings: mentions of physical disability (reader has a hand impairment and wears a leg brace), anxiety and body image issues. Smut warnings below.

Note from Sorsha: This is my first piece where I talk about disability and body image issues. A person’s experience of living with disability is unique to them. I’m not implying that all people with disability experience anxiety or self-consciousness around their disability. But I do personally live with a physical disability and can only draw from my own experiences. Unfortunately my experience doesn’t include having hot sex with Minho 😫

Smut Warnings: unprotected piv sex (pull out method 🫣), oral sex (f. Rec), nipple play, aftercare.

I hope that even if you don’t have lived experience of disability that you still read this story as I think the character will still resonate with many of you.

Love you, and enjoy xxx

—————————

You take a deep breath as you approach the door of your friend’s apartment and ring the doorbell. While you wait for an answer, You look down at your chosen outfit. A White floral print on duck egg blue background ensemble of a tight tank top and matching maxi skirt. The skirt has a split up the front of one leg, your “good” leg. You always seem to refer to that leg as your “good” one. It isn’t even all that good, it just works better than the other leg. The one with the leg brace. No heels for you, but you’re sporting you favourite white sneakers. You run your hands over the fabric, satisfied with how you look today. You look great, and this party is going to be fine. You tell yourself.

But as you wait for the door to open, you can hear many voices from the inside of the apartment, and it makes you feel sick.

It isn’t the leg brace that makes you self-conscious, or that your balance isn’t so good. You actually “embrace the brace” because it is a tool to help you do what you want and need to do. It’s your hands that are the problem. No one can really see anything is wrong, not unless they look closely and really pay attention. But they hold you back from interacting with the world the way you want. Your impairment makes fine motor tasks near impossible. You can’t even undo buttons to save your life. And writing, well that went down hill at some point in the last three years, and you can barely fill out a form these days. Not being able to play guitar anymore is pretty shit too.

But your biggest anxiety inducing situation is eating in front of strangers. Cutting up food is awkward, holding finger food is risky for the floor and your clothes, and fucking hell, if chopsticks are involved you’re doomed to starve.

You are anxious. You hadn't anticipated how anxious you were going to feel when you told Felix you’d come to celebrate his promotion. But of course Felix didn’t quite know the full extent of the dread that filled your body whenever you had to be in a “dining” setting. You’d confided in him about your fears and anxiety somewhat, and he’d promised that it would all be okay and you could use anything that would help.

“It’ll be just a small gathering, y/n.” He’d smiled at you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to say no. You didn’t want to say no.

And now here you are, at your friend’s. You have turned up. You haven’t bailed.

But you you want to run away. No. You will stay, even if you don’t get to eat.

“Y/n!!!” Felix beams at you as he opens the door. “Come in, love.” He steps to the side allowing you to enter the apartment. Sure enough there are a dozen or so people already mingling and chatting. Music was playing from a Bluetooth speaker over on the right.

“Are you feeling, okay?” Felix whispers in close to your ear, and you nod and swallow hard. You’re not really okay. You tell yourself that nothing bad is going to happen. That no one is even going to care, and as you find a place to sit and take in your surroundings, you realise no one is even looking at you. See, it’s fine. This isn’t that bad. You are okay. You don’t recognise anyone, they seem to be Felix’s work friends, whereas you are his childhood friend, but after about ten minutes of polite hellos, and introductions, you begin to feel your nerves settle just a little bit.

“Y/n, want a drink?” You look up to see Felix offering you a can of soft drink. You nod and your eyes flicker to the man standing beside him. A man you have never seen before. This must be Felix’s friend from Korea. From what Felix had said previously, he has moved here for a while for work and study. What is his name again?

“This is Minho.” Felix gestures to the man standing nervously beside him. Minho. “Hello, Minho. I’m y/n.” You smile. But Minho simply nods curtly, barely making any eye contact with you.

“He’s nervous. He doesn’t speak much English yet.” he chuckles and opens the can of drink for you before passing it to you. You use every ounce of concentration to grasp the can securely, hoping to god you don’t drop it and spill it everywhere. Satisfied you have got a good hold on the can, you look up to find Minho has disappeared.

“Oh, he’s gone?” You say surprised.

“He’s just gone to start bringing the food out. He loves cook-”

“Lix!” A voice from across the room cuts him off.

“Excuse me for a sec.” Felix pats you on the shoulder as he walks away in the direction of the voice.

Minho returns the room shortly after with trays of what looks to be various finger foods, and begins to place them on the coffee table and dining table that has been set up to the side of the living room. Mini pizzas, fried chicken pieces, some type of vegetarian situation, and several other awkward looking foods that you were not planning to attempt to eat. Although, it all looks absolutely scrumptious. You feel your stomach rumble and you regret not filling up on food beforehand.

You watch the other people pick some food and use flimsy napkins as plates. It looks so easy for them, and you feel a pang of jealousy. Stop that now. You tell yourself. How can you solve this problem? You need an actual plate, and maybe a coffee mug to have another drink in, you think, looking at your tight grip around the now empty can. You look around the room and see Minho standing to the side watching the positive reaction to the food. Everyone is absolutely loving it. You look back at Minho again and catch his gaze on you. He looks at you quizically and then turns to go back into the kitchen. Fuck! You must look like a stuck up bitch.

Okay, let’s go find a plate and a fork, and a cup, or you’re just going to miss out on eating altogether. All you need to do is get up and go to the kitchen. This is always how your internal dialogue goes. You need to plan in your mind how you are going to navigate your surroundings. Are there any obstacles you need to work your way around? Which is your quickest route?

You enter the kitchen surprised to see Minho still working away chopping food, even though there is already plenty of food in the living room. Your eyes drift over his frame, and you’re surprised by the flushed feeling in your cheeks. He is attractive. Felix had mentioned he was a dancer with a passion for cooking. Hmm.. yes he definitely has a dancer’s body. You can tell his thighs are toned from the way his trousers cling to them. You bite your lip as you eyes follow his thighs up to his taught ass and you bite down even harder on your lip. Fuck. Stop looking at him, you tell yourself. You quickly lift your gaze to his upper half, his thin cotton button down draping over his back muscles. And his arm. Fuck! You can’t stop staring at the veins in his forearm as he chops a tomato.

You are suddenly brought out of your not-so-innocent thoughts when the knife in his hand stills. Shit. You quickly remember why you came in to the kitchen in the first place, and open the overhead cupboard to fetch a mug, and opening the fridge to see what beverage options there are.

Your breath catches in your chest when out of nowhere, a veiny hand grabs onto the fridge door, opening it further and reaching in to grab two cans of soft drink. You step out of the way to give the owner of the hand room, only to find Minho standing there with a Sprite in one hand and a Coke in the other, holding them both up to you in a way that could only mean he’s asking you to choose one. But all you do is stare blankly at this gorgeous man in front of you.

Minho nods his head, gesturing for you to take one. Fuck his eyes are captivating. You reach out to choose the coke, but instead of him handing it to you, he takes both cans to the counter and places a second mug down next to yours. You watch him, intrigued, as he opens both cans - one handed - and fills the mugs part way with the drinks. You take a step closer, wrapping your hand around the handle of the mug of coke, and tentatively make eye contact with him again. “Thank you.” You whisper. He nods shyly in return and mumbles a “your welcome.” Then gets back to what he was working on.

You don’t move. You barely breathe. This can’t take your eyes off of him. You are sure he can feel your eyes on him too, because his movements are little stiffer, more hesitant than when you first walked into the kitchen and he didn’t know you were there. You wondered if you were making him nervous.

He takes two plates and begins to arrange much of the same food he’d taken out to the gathering earlier. Mini pizzas, fried chicken, but also a little salad on the side. Then he proceeds to cut up everything up into bite size pieces. On both plates. What is he doing? You are intrigued. To finish off, he gets two forks out of the cutlery drawer and takes both plates over to the little two seater table in the opposite corner of the kitchen. And then he’s brushing past you to take the two mugs of soft drink, setting them down with the two plates of food.

When he is done, he looks at you expectantly. You are unsure what is happening. His gaze alternates between the little table and you. “Eat with me?” He says carefully. Wait. What? You glance at the plates on the table. This is for you? “You want me to eat with you?” You double check, even though you’re not sure how much he understands. He nods with a smile and sits himself down in one of the chairs.

Slowly, you make your way to the other chair and nervously sit down opposite him. You can’t help but chuckle to yourself. The plates of food, all chopped up small, coupled with the cold drinks in what one would normally drink a hot beverage from, looks exactly how you set up your own dinner. At home, you have a special knife to cut your food up and you make a mental note to start keeping it in your handbag. But are you allowed to carry knives around like that?

“You don’t like?” Minho breaks your thoughts again.

“Yes… No… I mean I do like.” You say and stab your fork in a piece of chicken and pop it into your mouth. Your eyes almost bulge out of your head. “Oh my god, Minho!” You say with your mouth full. “This is delicious!” You cry. “Yum!”

Minho smirks, a satisfied look on his beautiful face. “Yummy?” He asks. You nod frantically. “So good. Yummy.” You grin back, before going in for more food.

Minho digs in too, and as you both fall even more silent than you had already been so far, you wonder why Minho hasn’t joined the others in the other room. Maybe he’s shy? Maybe he’s unsure because of the language barrier? But he seems so confident, and you imagined that if he were surrounded by his people he’d be boisterous and maybe even a little obnoxious. He has that look about him. Devious. As you place the last bit of food into your mouth, you realise that you hadn’t even thought about your anxiety for a while. Minho, a complete stranger, has made your dining experience one of the least stressful in a long time. And you hadn’t even had to explain anything to him. Felix must have mentioned something to him, you decide. How else could he have known what you needed?

You look up and give Minho the biggest, most thankful and authentic smile. “Thank you, Minho. That was so fucking good.” His eyes blink rapidly at your use of the word fucking, and he quickly breaks eye contact, and a look of confusion crosses his face. His cheeks turn a shade of pink. Hmm, so he knows that word?

“There you two are!” You both look up startled as Felix enters the kitchen and crouches down beside you both. He scans the empty plates and peeks into your coffee mug curiously.

“Thank you Felix.” You say, but he looks confused. “For what, love?”

“Letting Minho know my challenges…you know, with food.”

“Honey, I never told him anything.” He shrugs. “But I probably should have. Fuck, I’m a shit friend, I didn’t even see if you needed anything.” He scratches his head. “Anyway, I came to tell you that we are all heading into town now. Are you going to come?”

You glance at Minho who seems to be pretending to be interested in how his Sprite looks swirling around his mug, and then you look back at Felix. He shakes his head “Minho already told me he won’t be coming out.”

Oh. You take a moment to consider how your night would pan out if you went out with the group. It would most likely be fun, although your feet would hate you in the morning. A night out is extremely tiring. You cast your eyes around the kitchen. There are plates, pans, rubbish absolutely everywhere, and who knows what state the living room is in? If Minho was left here on his own, you were positive he’ll clean it all up himself.

“No, I think I’ll just stay here. Help tidy up.” You say brightly. Felix raises his eyebrows and looks to Minho and says something to him in Korean. You watch Minho as his eyes widen and when blink rapidly as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Eventually he meets your eyes and offers one polite nod. You nod in return, like you have both just agreed on something important, and you feel a nervousness in your stomach. Or is the feeling something else?

“Well,” Felix stands up. “I may or may not be back before dawn. If you want to crash here tonight, y/n, you know you are more than welcome, right?” He gives you a hug and then hugs Minho. They exchange a few more words, and you are sure Felix has just teased Minho, because Minho suddenly raises his voice in a loud “Ya!” making you jump, and play punches Felix in the arm. “Okay, okay. I’m going.” He laughs as he leaves you and Minho alone once more.

———

After the group has left, and after Minho cuts you a second piece of cheesecake, you watch him begin the mammoth task of cleaning up. The place feels so silent, apart from Minho pottering around collecting plates. You retrieve a garbage bag from the third drawer down in the kitchen, because you know where everything lives at Felix’s, and go about the apartment collecting any rubbish. You aren’t really sure how much help you’re going to be, but thankfully most people had only used napkins and canned drinks, so most of the washing up wasn’t the breakable kind. Pots, pans, and cooking utensils mostly, and you find you are managing quite alright with putting those away in their homes.

Once everything was relatively tidy again, you dim the kitchen lights a little, because your eyes are tired, and set to work filling up the kettle. “Minho, would like a coffee?” you gesture to the jar of instant coffee. His eyes light up. “Mmm, coffee. Yes…please.” He smiles. “Okay, great.” You chirp spooning out the coffee and open the fridge for milk. Again, just like before, Minho’s veiny arm grabs the fridge door. But instead of grabbing the milk, like you expect, he closes the door and gently grasps your arm and turns you so your back is against the bench. The gesture is soft and gentle, not aggressive or demanding, and it makes your breath stop. Your hands grip the countertop on either side of you, trying to steady yourself in this unexpected situation. He is standing directly in front of you, close, and there is nowhere for you to avert your eyes. He swallows hard and stares into your eyes questioningly. You open your mouth to speak but you don’t know what to say. It doesn’t matter though, because Minho speaks first.

“Thank you.” He whispers. You aren’t entirely sure what he is thanking you for, but you assume he means helping him tidy up. “For eating with me.”

Your heart absolutely melts. Who is this man? “You’re welcome.” You choke, staring back at him just as intently. His brown, almond eyes convey a myriad of emotions. Nervousness, desperation, hope, desire. His eyes flicker down to your lips, then lower as he takes a really good look at your body, before returning to your lips. Then his eyes drop to one of your hands. He reaches for it, closing the gap between the two of you in the process, and brings your hand to his lips. You are caught off guard at this gesture. You don’t really like bringing attention to your hands, and having Minho deliberately tending to them makes you feel exposed. You try and pull away, but Minho just brings your fingertips back to his lips and proceeds to kiss the backs of each of your digits. Slowly. One by one.

You suck in your lower lip, both frightened and aroused in equal measure. He lowers your arm down to your side, but still holds your hand securely, and he brings his other arm to rest on your hip.

“This? Okay?” he asks, trying to guage your reaction to his touch. You nod. That’s all you can do.

You feel a heat wash over your body, and you know you are blushing. The butterflies in your stomach flutter around and there is an unmistakable ache in your core. You bring your free hand to rest on his bicep, and you bravely pull him closer to you. He reads this gesture as invitation to lean in closer to you. His eyes still linger on your lips, and his warm breath on your skin makes you quiver.

“This? Okay too?” he whispers in a husky voice, sending shock waves straight to your cunt. “Yes” you squeak and Minho chuckles low before turning serious again. The silence in the room suddenly feels excruciatingly loud as Minho pauses, centimetres from your lips, and it feels like you’re frozen in time. His lips brush yours in a featherlight kiss. It is barely even a kiss, but it feels more intense and passionate than any other “first kiss” you’ve had. He pulls away slightly, only to come back in with more intensity. He let’s go of your hand and cups your jaw instead, pulling you in towards him. You part your lips in the hopes he will explore you with his tongue, and he immediately does.

You feel yourself losing your balance slightly and grip onto Minho tighter. He slides his hands around to the back of your thighs and lifts you effortlessly setting you down on the counter. He breaks the kiss, panting and out of breath, and leans his forehead on yours to compose himself. You rest one hand on the back of his head, your fingers threaded through his dark brown locks.

Once he’s composed himself, Minho suddenly drops to his knees in front of you, taking you by surprise. You watch in anticipation as he very slowly, and very intentionally, lifts your skirt and drapes the fabric over your knees. You feel a surge of embarrassment and want to hide, and you berate yourself for how easily all that hard work of “self-acceptance” has come undone in a single moment. You force yourself to look down at Minho to find he has a hand resting on the velcro fastening of your leg brace, and he is looking up at you waiting. “This? Okay?” he repeats the same sentence as before as his fingers undo the strap a fraction. You nod. “Yes, it’s okay.”

You watch Minho’s expression intently, trying to catch any glimmer of disgust, or worse, pity, but you see none of that from the man at your feet. He carefully removes your brace and shoe, placing it carefully on the floor. Then he removes your other shoe and places that neatly beside the first. Next, he peels off your socks.

You have never felt so exposed in your entire life as you do right now. But as Minho starts to kiss and caress your calves as he makes his way back up to standing, you realise he is captivated by you. And as he pushes your knees apart to makes space for him to come in close to you, you feel that he is indeed very aroused by you too. It makes you hungry for him, and you reach up to the buttons on his shirt. There is no way you can undo these yourself, but it’s okay because Minho’s hand is there and he unbuttons his shirt swiftly with one hand while you watch in awe. You help him slide the shirt off his shoulders and it drops to the floor. Minho hurries to peel your top off over your head, discarding it carelessly. He is focused on only one thing now, the clasp of your simple cotton t-shirt bra, and he undoes it like a pro. You raise your eyebrow at him, suspicious as to why he is so skilled at undressing. But he just smirks and let’s your bra fall away.

He immediately takes a nipple in his mouth and cups your other breast. You arch your back into him and hum a “yes, Minho, yes.” He moans in reply and you rake your hands through his hair, panting as he rolls his tongue over your hardened nipple.

“Minho? Your bedroom? Hmmm…” you moan. “Bed?” You throw the words around hoping he understands. He lifts his head to look at you and you nod your head towards the hallway where the bedrooms are.

He wastes no time lifting you off the counter and you automatically wrap your legs around his waist. He devours your lips with his as he carries you to towards his bedroom, stopping on the way to press you against the wall in the hallway. You moan again, and throw your head back while he hisses as he grinds his hardness against your clothed cunt. Your body is craving his, and you would absolutely let him fuck you right then and there against the wall if he wanted to.

He pulls you away from the wall, biting and sucking the skin on your neck as he carries you to his room and carefully lays you on his bed. He continues to kiss you, alternating between your mouth and breasts, like he can’t decide what to settle on.

His kisses slowly move lower down your body, peppering your stomach until he reaches the waistband of your skirt. He lifts his gaze to check in with you yet again, and you nod your head, giving him permission to remove your skirt, leaving you only in your pale lavender cotton briefs. Minho’s face hovers incredibly close to where you’re aching to be touched. He hums in approval as he traces a finger over the wet patch of your underwear and brushes it over your clit, watching the fabric cling to your lips as he does so. You suck in a breath at the sensation. He smirks, satisfied with your response, then rubs his finger over your clit again. “Fuck!” you cry out. He locks eyes on you while he rubs a little harder. You furrow your brows and beg him with your eyes to remove your panties.

He peels your underwear off and you let your legs fall open for him, offering yourself to him completely. He doesn’t go straight for your cunt, but tenderly kisses your inner thighs and slowly makes his way to your centre. He knows, he has to know, what this is doing you. How wet, how soaked you are. How much you need him inside of you. “Minho, please.” You sob his name. He replies by licking a stripe from your entrance to you clit. Your hands fling to his hair, holding him against you, and he stops his teasing. He’s on a mission to take you to the stars.

His tongue slips inside you while his fingers finds your clit again. You are barely holding on by a thread as he expertly tongue-fucks you. And then he swaps, bringing his fingers to your entrance and tongue to your clit. He crooks his fingers, somehow knowing exactly where that spot is. You whimper, cry out, moan, almost choke on air, as he digs into that spot over and over, and his tongue laps at your clit in some kind of synchronised dance. It’s relentless, and you can feel the tightness inside you about to - “Oh…Ohh…I’m…I’m coming.” You cry as your orgasm surprises you. It is fast and intense, and you feel your walls clenching and releasing rhythmically.

Minho lifts his head, his eyes glimmering with satisfaction and his lips and chin glistening with your arousal. He takes a good look at your pussy, before quickly discarding his trousers. Your eyes widen when they land on his hard cock. Mouthwatering. Veiny like his arms. Fucking perfect. You don’t take your eyes off of it, and you lick your lips when you see pre-cum leaking from the pinkish tip. Minho kneels between your legs, and you prop yourself up on your elbows to watch him rub the tip along your lips. Your vagina clenches in desperation to be stretched and filled. You swallow and look up at Minho. His gaze is fixated on the tip of his cock as it pushes against you and threatens to slip inside. His eyes are hooded and full of desire, his lips are parted, perhaps in awe. Then he looks up, catching your gaze, asking for permission. He needs to be inside you. You can tell because he looks like he is absolutely going to die if he doesn’t fuck you soon. But there is also hesitation in his eyes. You know he doesn’t want to hurt you or take advantage of you.

Your reach up and cup his cheek and nod your head. Then you reach down and grasp his length, relishing in how hard he feels in your hand, and you feel like a fucking goddess when his body shudders in some sort of primal way. You let go of his cock and return to leaning on both your elbows. He crashes down on top of you kissing you, transferring your juices from his mouth to yours. And then you feel it, his thick, hard cock stretching you open. He holds your face close to his, keeping eye contact as he slowly stretches you, sinking deeper and deeper inside of your body. He mutters something in Korean, and it turns you on beyond belief. You know he notices your body’s response to the way he’s speaking, because he continues to say things, watching your reaction. Even though he you can’t understand him, his tone is gorgeous, and your body doesn’t care what he is saying. It’s just responding.

Your bodies are sweaty, your cunt wet and noisy, and with each thrust a loud slapping sound resonates in the room. Minho’s noises become a mixture of Korean words, grunts, hisses, and even growls, as he builds the pace, and it only turns you on more. You respond with your own moans and whimpers, crying out every time his cock kisses your cervix.

Sweat drips off his nose, and lands on you as he repositions himself slightly so he can watch his cock fuck in and out of you, all whilst still moving his hips expertly, finding that spot again.

Watching Minho watch himself fucking you is the most stunning thing you’ve ever seen. He is concentrating so hard on chasing both his and your pleasure. He’s so precise in his movements. Careful. Controlled. Measured. But you want him to lose himself to the moment. You want him to forget himself.

Without thinking, you reach up and tap him on the shoulder. He stops immediately and his eyes widen with worry as he tries to work out what is wrong. You pat your hand on the mattress beside you, indicating you want him to lay down. He does as you ask and you throw your leg over to straddle him. He grins up at you and you can’t help but grin back. He holds your hip with one hand, helping you lift up enough for him to guide his cock back to your entrance with his other hand. You both exhale in relief when he is snuggly back inside.

Minho waits for you to take the lead, and you experimentally grind your hips. The angle feels incredible. He is so deep inside you, your bodies flush with each other. Minho helps you set a steady rhythm and pace by guiding your hips back and forth along his length, and you are on the brink of your second orgasm. You sob at how good he feels inside of you and lean down onto Minho’s chest where he holds you close. He digs his heels into the mattress and begins to brutally snap his hips up into you. The force of each thrust takes your breath away and you come hard around his cock, crying out his name. You finally feel Minho snap and he somehow has you on your back again. You hold onto his shoulders as he knocks the breath out of you with each forceful thrust. And then he pulls out of you moaning as he paints hot ropes of cum all over your stomach. He collapses on top of you panting trying to catch his breath, neither of you caring in the slightest about the stickiness between your bodies.

Eventually your breath returns to normal, and Minho slips off the bed and pulls on a pair of sweatpants. He disappears out of the room only to return with a warm cloth, a mug of water and the items of clothing you had left in the kitchen. Somehow he is able to hold everything at once. You watch him clean you up and offer you the drink. You gulp it down, not realising how thirsty you are while he goes to his chest of drawers to retrieve an oversized t-shirt for you to wear.

He leans in to kiss you. “This… this was okay?” he asks softly. You nod. “Yes.” And he grins sheepishly, pulling you down beside him and curling up behind you whispering words in Korean as you fall asleep.

—————

A/n: I had someone ask me since writing this how LK knew what reader needed. I suppose I wanted to tap into Minho being rather observant of other people’s needs (and I didn’t convey that well), or maybe Felix did say something to him afterall? I will leave it up to you to decide how you want Minho to know her needs.

Xxx. Sorsha

@channieandhisgoonsquad @chansmanda @antoniorhinothethird @queen-in-the-shadows @queenmea604 @lyramundana @2chopsticks2eyes @noellllslut @its-hannjisung @thatonenoona @ddyskz @bethanysnow @weareapackofstrays

[dashofmonsters]

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 7

merman x female reader

"Would you like to move in with me then?" Tao asks.

You gape at him in disbelief of what just came out of his mouth before shaking your head, "Wait a second, wait a second... You'd be ok with me living with you?"

"Yes, that's why I asked." Tao confirms.

"Because you know if I agree to this and I move out of my grandmother's, she won't take me back and I can't afford rent in this area even with a double shift at the diner and all," you wave your hand about as you rant your concerns.

Tao nods and reaches for your hands, "You can stay here if you want. I would never, could never abandon a shoal mate."

You know he's being sincere, know that he'd never kick you out or leave you behind. But you're also scared, scared of these feelings that you have for him. He's your friend and you trust him so much that it hurts sometimes.

You want to jump up and say yes a million times over but there's this part of your heart that weeps at the idea of growing closer to someone you've decided is off limits. It would be torturous to stay with him, to be any closer than what you'd allow.

"Let me... let me think about it ok?" you finally say, poking the remnants of your cake slice.

"Oh... uh Of course," Tao stutters, sounding unusually shocked. "It's a big decision, I understand"

"Yup, for sure." you shove the piece of cake in your mouth and try and think of something else to talk about but nothing comes to mind.

There's a stretch of awkward silence that Tao eventually breaks when he takes a sip of coffee and nearly chokes on it. You jump down out of your seat to check up on him but he laughs it off. You can't help but to notice he's a bit dry to the touch, his usually moist and slightly leathery skin feels a bit scratchy.

"Tao, buddy, I think your overdue for a jump into your tank." you poke his arm and he looks down at it with a grimace.

He quickly hides his arm behind his back, his pointed ears have flattened like that of a cat's and he's backed away from me a good few feet.

"Should I not have mentioned that you need to rehydrate? Is that some cultural thing?" you ask.

Tao looks to the hatch and then at the floor and then the closet and then basically anywhere that's not you. He looks visibly uncomfortable and like he might run off at any second.

"Dude, you gotta talk to me or else I'm not sure what to do here." You sigh.

Without looking at you he nods and groans, "It is a cultural thing and it is a bit embarrassing to my kind... I am well hydrated, I just uhh missed a spot when I was scrapping off my dead skin..."

"Ok, no big deal then. Easily fixable right?" you smile at him, hoping that it'll help him be less uncomfortable but he still looks like he's ready to sprint.

"It is indeed a very big deal my friend, please excuse me." Tao dashes off and kicks the hatch open, and before you can say his name he's plunged right in. Water splashes up and around the living room floor and you're left alone.

The house in quiet once more but less awkward. Now that he's gone into the tank you're left alone with your thoughts and you're not quite liking them. If you had your phone you'd be texting Jess all about this, hoping for some sound advice. For the first time in a long time though, you're absolutely alone.

So you do the one thing that's always taken your mind off of anything and start cleaning.

You knew Tao's tiny beach house like the back of your hand since it's a pretty finite space and well organized. Usually he keeps his home spotless but since he rescued you he hasn't been paying much attention to keeping up with his house.

Lucky me, you think as you riffle through the cubbies of cleaning supplies under his kitchen sink.

Tao buddy, your house is about to be attacked by anxiety induced cleaning.

You attack the kitchen first, getting into every nook and cranny you can. At some point you get inventive in order to get the hard to reach spots as intrusive thoughts creep in here and there. A full hour passes and though your fingers are now wrinkled from being damp and your back sore from bending over in ways you weren't meant to, you continue on.

It's not till one of your wounds opens and blood drips that you realized you went a little too hard too soon. You groan and clean the spot off before holding a wad of folded paper towels over it. A makeshift bandage till you can find one of Tao's many first aid kits.

You look under the sink and in the pantry but you don't see high nor low of any band aids or antibiotic ointment. You run down the hall to the bathroom hoping you'll find one in there when you start to feel dizzy. You look down and see that the paper towel is almost all red.

Well that's not fucking good...

You're not one of those people who faint at the sight of blood but for some reason you've never been too ok with seeing a lot of yours exiting your body like this. You do your best to continue your search with shaky hands and a calm mind but your anxiety has other ideas.

Your vision blurs as tears sting the corners of your eyes and you do your best to hold back the pathetic whimpering but you crumple in front of the bathtub and cry as you hold onto your wound.

A small part of you hopes Tao won't find you like this and that you'll be passed out already but the larger part of you is hoping he'll get his tall merman ass over to you ASAP.

In desperation you remove the shirt you borrowed from Tao and start to wrap your arm with it but your hands are too shaky. You curse and cry and then gasp as you feel yourself being lifted up. You don't have it in you to protest until the cold water of the tub makes you yelp.

A soothing hand holds your shaking arm still as the stinging effects of the healing potion bubble along the wound.

"I should have warned you that this only acts as a temporary fix but doesn't completely heal the wound unless you use it a few times a day," Tao rubs his thumb against your hand, his voice is filled with remorse and worry.

All you can do is nod as you attempt to curl your body into a ball, both out of embarrassment for being pretty much naked in front of Tao and ashamed that he's seen you in this crumbled state. Being pathetic from nearly dying out at sea is one thing but being pathetic because you can't handle the sight of your own blood is another thing entirely, at least to you it is.

"You've lost even more blood, you must be exhausted..." His hand slowly leaves yours and pats your shoulder. "I'll be back with a towel and then I'll take you to my nest. Try and get some rest tonight."

Without meaning to, you start sobbing. You're completely inconsolable as you cry into your hands. You feel childish and Tao makes it even worse as he scoops you up into a towel a wraps you up. He holds you close as if you mean the world to him so you cry against his chest. You're a shaking shivering wet hot mess who is crying so hard in the arms of her crush that she starts falling asleep.

Your eyes sting with the salt of your tears and your throat aches from crying but you feel at peace. Like you can finally sleep without having to worry about getting you ass beaten for no fucking reason. You don't feel scared or on edge.

Suddenly the heat from Tao's body is missing and is replaced with a large comforter. He tucks you in and you whimper. He soothes his hand against your cheek and you turn into it and cry some more. You haven't felt this safe in a long long time nor this amount of pain and agony.

You hate to admit it, but you really like Tao... no, you're in love with him and this is going to fucking hurt.

~~~~~~

Your soul nearly jumps out of your body when you wake up to the loud clap of thunder. You jolt up and gasp as you look around in the dimly lit nest room. Your heart is beating a mile a minute and then it nearly stops when a very large hand plops onto your shoulder. It takes you a moment to realize that it's Tao's arm.

It takes you less time then that to realize that you're naked and Tao's large arm is across your body and rubbing up against your chest.

Tao groans and turns up against you as his hand slowly roves down to your hip, pulling you down until he's spooning you. And then, he begins to purr. His large cold hands absent mindlessly roam until one settles on your hip and the other on your shoulder. His mouth is dangerously clothes to your ear and his um... um...

Your mind goes blank because you've dated and you know what morning wood feels like and this... uh... he's either got a very big package or he got two very good size packages.

Right now, you feel as if you're both in heaven and hell being wrapped up in the arms of the merman you've finally admitted to yourself that you're in love with. Unfortunately, he'll regret this because you're not his mate.

You allow this to go on for a few more moments before you start wiggling out of his arms as carefully as you can before locating something you can wrap yourself up in.

With your now strapless blanket dress on you decide to tip toe to the kitchen for a quick midnight snack. You find the soup that Tao had made for you and toss it in the microwave while munching on some chips. Thoughts of the day and years past start to rear their ugly head as you stare at the spinning bowl. All your worst fears and nightmares circling around. You've told yourself you're not meant for love for so many years because if you were no one would have betrayed or left you.

And that's why you hate how fast you fell for Tao. You know he won't betray you or leave you without a damn good reason. He's been blunt and brutally honest with you to the point that it hurts sometimes. You trust him so much and feel so safe with him that it scares the shit out of you.

The soup pops in the microwave snapping you from your deep dark thoughts. You quickly clean up the mess while trying not to burn yourself on the hot bowl. You stir the lukewarm contents before shoving it back into the microwave, this time covered up.

You sigh and turn to head towards the fridge but end up bumping right into the rock hard chest of your heart's tormentor.

Like a bumbling idiot you jump back and nearly trip yourself up in the saddest attempts to gain composure. You obviously failed.

Tao sort of catches you, sort of pins you against the counter. Either way, you're both flustered and awkward.

"I uh... are you well enough to be walking around?" Tao asks as he helps you straighten up.

"Oh um yeah, just a little sore. Mostly hungry," you shrug and nod towards the microwave.

Tao nods his head and for the first time you notice that his eyes are all black. Not a single fleck of gold in them.

"Did you come out here for a snack too?" you ask as you start towards the fridge again.

You barely make it past Tao when he hoists you up in his arms and walks you to one of the bar stools.

"Oh come on, I'm not that bad off," you groan as he sets you down.

He glares daggers at you and frowns, "Need I remind you that you're still healing and that your wounds are only temporarily closed."

You want to joke or make some kind of snide remark but the incident is still fresh so you end up just curling into yourself. You gently clutch your sore and bruised arm and turn away from Tao.

Tao's fingers brush against your arm but quick retract when the microwave goes off. He takes the soup out and sets it front of you before going back to grab some rolls and pour you a glass of water.

You stare blankly at your food, your stomach sinking and appetite disappearing. You fidget with your fingers as your eyes start to blur from the heaviness in your chest.

Tao tries to reach out to hold you but you dodge his arms and slide off the chair. You're breathing is a little labored as you crumple to the floor. You needed more time before seeing him again, needed more time to compose yourself so you can continue lying to yourself.

You hear Tao talking a mile a minute, panic in his voice but once again his words are lost on you. You feel him get close so you scramble back, putting some dramatic distance between the two of you.

"Why are you running from me!?" he yells, the panic having evolved to pure distress and confusion. His black eyes are wide and his usually well kept hair is a mess and sticking to his face.

The bottle holding your years and years of pent up emotions finally shatters and without warning you cry out every frustration, every bold face lie you told to keep yourself safe, and every terror you've ever faced.

At some point you jolt up and start pacing circles like a mad woman, ranting and raving about your family, your jobs, your school, basically your whole damn life. You've told Tao bits and pieces but never the whole damn story.

You never told him that you almost died from starvation thanks to your estranged mother's fairy magic drug habits. You never told him how the girls in high school would lock you in the school over the weekends. You never told him or anyone how many times you had to lie, cheat and steal to keep your siblings fed since working in fast food hardly paid enough.

"The worst part is that I thought I finally fucking escaped my shitty ass family only to get tormented by my own grandmother on a daily fucking basis!" You shout, your chest heaving and your eyes now dried and crusted. "Who fucking tells their grandkid that their an overweight piece of shit? Who fucking does that?!"

It was a matter you used to joke about, something that you'd act like it didn't bother you but the truth is that it always got under your skin. You hardly got to eat anything decent growing up and now that you're all grown up you get to eat whenever and whatever you damn well please. It's not like you gorge yourself, but no one, especially your grandmother, should have any fucking say in your weight.

Tao slowly walks till he's right in front of you before crouching down. His hand slides against your cheek and he whispers some sort of spell that soothes the ache in your eyes. You crumble into his arms, truly exhausted now. He gently kisses your forehead before carefully lifting you up.

"You're safe here, you can rest," he tells you, his voice cracking.

You nuzzle up against him and his hold on you tightens. You always felt safe with him, it was an immediate thing. Like the second you met him you had this feeling deep down that you knew you could trust him.

Little by little you drift in and out as he walks you back to his nest room and tucks you back in. You feel him hovering over you before he leans in to kiss your cheek and then your nose. He slowly peppers your face in gentle and soft kisses expect he never kisses your lips. You can't help but to laugh before you sit up just enough so you can quickly steal a kiss from him.

It was meant to be a quick kiss goodnight before you pass out but that low rumble you hear from Tao catches you off guard and you get lost in the moment. He leans into you, holding you close. One kiss turns to two, turns to three and before you know he's lowering you back into his nest, lips still locked.

His large hand cups your face and you feel your heart pounding like crazy as your face heats up. You and Tao have kissed before, but not like this. He's kissing you like he actually likes you, and more than just a friend. He's kissing you like...

You turn your face from him and fake a yawn, "Oh god, sorry... I'm just-"

"Get some sleep," He kisses your cheek and sits up. "We'll talk in the morning."

You smile at him as he gets up and heads to the door. He nervously mentions that he's really dehydrated and it might be a bit before he comes up for air tomorrow. You wave him off and tell him goodnight before rolling yourself up into a ball of blankets and woe.

"I really fucked up..." you grumble as you clutch at your heart.

~~~~~~

Tao:

I really fucked up, I think.

I allowed myself to get caught up in my emotions and fell into her arms. I haven't even told her how I feel nor have I given her the space to heal.

Gods and goddesses I am the absolute worst.

I lament myself as I droop over a pile of rocks. I knew she had a tough upbringing and has issues with he family but I never realized just how much she was hiding. How long has she been suffering on her on?

She laid herself bare, screaming in agony of every sad story no one probably ever cared enough to listen to.

My heart bleeds for her, truly. For I know what it means to be alone in that regards. I had started opening up to her little by little. I never felt compelled to talk about myself but with her I feel safe enough to do so.

Suddenly my heart stops and I realize that's why she ranted for hours on end now.

She feels safe with me.

I start cursing myself in a similar fashion to my... my shoal mate.

The neutral tasting words leave behind a numb sensation. I can no longer call her my friend in private. It just tastes too awful. I can call her my shoal mate, it's a honest statement but it's still further from the truth.

When I held her earlier as she laid in my arms fast asleep I felt this need to protect her. It was similar to how I felt compelled to protect my shoal back home but there was more to it. I was anxious and every little creek or shuddering of the house had me on the edge. It wasn't until she rolled over and curled into me that I started calming down.

I started thinking long and hard about how to approach her once she was well and fully healed. I want to ask her if I could court her, tell her that it doesn't matter if we're not fated mates that my heart has chosen her. I want her as my mate and I can only hope she feels the same way.

But all that will have to wait a little while longer. She has more than just the physical wounds I must worry about. She needs to heal from the years of pain this world has wrought upon her.

I know she hasn't answered me on moving in but for her safety I will greatly insist. She cannot begin to heal properly if she's under the constant scrutiny of a woman who feigns love and concern.

I close my eyes and slowly doze off as I start planning her move and how she'd be living here and getting to work.

~~~~~~

Your everything hurts when you wake up. You somehow someway rolled into the corner of the nest room and woke up with your body curled in a way it shouldn't. You're well and tangled up in your blanket dress and something sort of sharp has left an imprint on your leg.

Ever so elegantly you toss around till you're free of your bindings and dig around for the object that left a deep dent in your thigh. When you finally find it you nearly drop it from shock. It's the crown your wore when you and Tao were dancing on the cliff. You remember leaving it here so your grandmother wouldn't ask you a million questions or worse, throw it away...

But why's it in here?

Maybe he meant to put it up somewhere safe and accidentally sort of just left it lying around, you think before quickly dismissing the thought. That wouldn't be very Tao of him.

You wrack you brain for a moment longer before you hear a knock. Turning your attention to the open doorway you see Tao's hand tossing a bag towards you.

"I woke up early this morning and it seems like the storm has mostly cleared up. I uh... I hope those are the right size," he clears his throat before excusing himself to the kitchen.

You scramble towards the bag and pull out the shirts, dresses, and pants and stare at them stunned. These were all designer brands and they all looked like they'd fit you perfectly. You want to try them all on, only problem is that you kinda wish you had some undergarments.

Picking up the bag to set it aside you feel that there's still some weight to it and see a couple of thin black boxes in there. You roll your eyes hoping that there's not over priced accessories in them or you'll have to chew Tao out for unnecessary spending.

When you open the first box your jaw drops and you feel your eyes widen to what it probably a cartoonish size. In the first black box was a set of grey and black lacy under things that looks like they'd fit like a dream. That being said, you quickly check the other box and see a black and blue set with a gold little details on it.

Your brain short circuits because both of the sets are Tao's colors. For a moment you start thinking that there's some weird hidden message here but knowing Tao who is straight forward you quickly abandon that thought. He probably just asked for help or something and they picked out sets based off of his colors thinking it's a gift for his girlfriend or some shit, you reason with yourself.

Feeling a bit more settled knowing that Tao would never gift you lingerie in his colors you set to trying on the black and blue one. As you thought, it fits perfectly. You toss on a simple light grey shirt and shimmy into a pair of blue jeans before gathering all the clothes he had gifted you into a neat folded pile.

You trot to the bathroom first before heading to the kitchen when you get the silly idea to go back to the nest room and put your crown on. You quickly settle in on your head and tip toe to the kitchen. You see Tao chopping something up but he quickly stops like he knows you're there.

"Did anything in that bag f-" He stops talking the second he turns around and his eyes widen and mouth straightens like he got caught doing something wrong.

You wave your hand at him, "Earth to Tao, you good buddy?"

He shakes his head and runs his claws through his hair before promptly returning to the chopping block, "Just fine... I uh see you found something to wear in all of that."

"Oh yeah, thank you by the way." You smile as you walk up to his side. "What are you working on?"

"I'm trying my hand at pastries. I gave up too soon the first time so I thought I'd try again," he shrugs, continuing his chopping of what looks like pistachios. "Oh and I... I made you some breakfast, it's on the bar."

You look up and see a crazy ass spread of every breakfast food imaginable. Part of you is confused but your stomach could care less about you being confused because you're hungry ass hell.

Circling around the counter, you make a jump start to the barstool and stick the landing as you grab at waffle and take a quick bite.

"Oh by the way," you pause to swallow. "You should return some of those clothes."

Tao stutters his knife and nearly slices a finger, "Did they not fit?"

"No, they all look like they'll fit perfectly it's just that they're high end brands... You shouldn't have to pay that much money for clothes. Like, I appreciate it, don't get me wrong... But this is too much," you look down and feel a bit of guilt for almost readily accepting these gifts.

You hear Tao chuckle and look up to see him shaking his head, "Believe it or not, I know what designer brands are. I bought those for you on purpose, no one ripped me off, and yes, I can afford to spend like this ever so often."

"But-"

"I'm not returning them," he looks down and swipes the chopped nuts into a bowl on the side.

You mutter something about how he should save that sort of thing for his mate and you swear you hear him grind his teeth. You quickly dig into your breakfast as you try to ignore the strange tension in the room. You notice Tao is acting a little off, not just with the clothes and breakfast but with his entire demeanor.

He seems more stern with you than usual and a bit more attentive than you care for. Your glass is empty for hardly a minute before he refills it with juice but somehow avoids looking in your general direction.

You try to ignore it but it's bothering you way to much, "Tao, buddy, are you ok?"

Tao turns and before he says anything you hold up your hand, "Because you've been acting really weird since I got up and please don't tell me this is because I trauma dumped on you yester because if it i-"

"It is, and it isn't," He admits and sighs as he tosses down a towel he was using to wipe off the counter.

"So what's wrong then? Are you mad at me? Annoyed? Is this... is this a pity thing? Oh gods please tell me this isn't a pity thing..." you start to panic and sprint out of the stool to the nest room.

Gifts are one thing but pity gifts piss you the fuck off.

Tao catches you before you make it past the bar and holds you in place, "I did none of this out of pity! I would never do something like that to you, I only wanted you to feel comfortable and provide you with the clothes of your own."

You feel yourself tensing, not used to others giving a rat's ass about your comfort without some sort of strings attached... But this is Tao, there wouldn't be a 'but' or 'however' or 'you owe me' added to his gifts and if he says he doesn't pity you then he doesn't pity you. Simple as that. Right?

"It just feels wrong somehow... I don't know why but it does," you slump. "Like I'm not worth the trouble of doing all this stuff for or getting really nice gifts."

"And who said that you're not worth it?" He crouches down in front of you, still holding your arms. His gold eyes search your face as he brings a hand up to cup your cheek. "Was it the girls who harassed their starving classmate? The mother who got high while her children suffered? Or the grandmother who shamed her granddaughter while she's healing? Because not a single one of those imbecilic curs has any room to speak of your worth nor judge you."

You feel your knees buckle and your eyes blur, "How can I be worth anything though? If I was, none of that would have happened to me, right?"

Tao shakes his head, "Your life isn't defined by your worth. You are not a commodity or currency but a person."

That's something you've always tried to tell yourself after moving away but it never felt real, never stuck its landing. But hearing Tao say it, verify that he knows there's more to you than what you can bring to the table just somehow settles you.

You fling yourself at him and give him the biggest hug you can manage that he quickly reciprocates. For the first time in forever, you feel seen. You feel safe.

"Hey Tao, buddy? If it's my day off you better let me sleep in." you laugh as you pull away, wiping the tears out of your eyes.

Tao sighs in relief and smiles, "So you'll move in?"

You smile back and nod, "I guess I should, I don't think I can go back to that hellhole."

"Thank the goddesses! I was trying to think how I should convince you to stay." He nervously laughs as he stands up,

"Honestly dude the breakfast kind of helped." you jokingly pat your stomach and he arches a brow at you.

"Really?" he tilts his head.

"Listen I was convinced when I woke up, breakfast just sealed the deal man. I'm a foodie!" You give him a silly pose and laugh.

"Oh I am going to regret some of this aren't I?" He rolls his eyes but smiles all the same.

"No takesies backsies." you grin.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Tao says and takes your.