#it's not coming. someday you will grow tired of waiting and the price will be too steep

[mypoisonedvine]

Exchanging Gifts | chubby!Bucky Barnes x reader

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARINA!!! @ballyhoobarnes​ you’re such a sweet person and so talented and a great friend and ily and also ur hot, which is less relevant but still worth mentioning

summary: chubby!bucky takes you out for your birthday, and even though he’s inexperienced, he knows how to show you a good time if you know what I mean... listen it’s pretty much fluffy pwp idk what to tell you

warnings: smut!!, oral (m receiving), loss of virginity (his, of course lol), some fingering, overstimulation, creampie kink, praise kink, morning sex, bucky being insecure?? FLUFF it’s FLUFFY you guys but somehow it turned out filthy too idk i couldn’t help it.

word count: just under 4k, hot damn how did that happen

Even though you'd insisted he didn't need to do anything special for your birthday, Bucky had shown up with a dozen roses and dinner reservations.  "Get dressed up fancy," he instructed you the moment you'd opened the door.  "This place has a black tie dress code."

He was a true gentleman the whole night, until he walked you back to your place.  The second you were on the other side of your door, you couldn't keep your hands off of each other.  

"You're so wonderful," you murmured between breathless kisses as you stumbled back towards the couch.

"This better not be you thinking you owe me anything because I paid for your dinner," he chuckled, "on your birthday."

"Oh it's not that at all," you smiled, running your hands over his chest.  

"What is it then?"

You smirked.  He always seemed to need a reason, as if 'you're my boyfriend and you're hot' wasn't reason enough.  "Can I be honest with you, Bucky?" you asked quietly, licking your lips subconsciously.

"Always!"

"It's times like this that I'm just really in the mood to suck your cock."

He stammered a little, running a hand through his hair nervously.

"Really?"

"Yup."

He laughed for a second, then got serious again, then just looked horrifically nervous.  "Oh, well I, uh…"

"We don't have to do anything about that, I just felt like saying it—"

"What if we did do something about it?"

You raised an eyebrow.  "Would you want me to?"

"Of course I want you to," he sighed.  "I know we've been taking things really slow— and I'm so glad you've been patient with me— I just… god, you're perfect," he laughed.

"That's far from the truth," you dismissed.  "But I've been happy to take things slow with you.  Even when sometimes it felt like I would die if I couldn't get my hands on you…"

You ran your hands over his chest, feeling how warm and soft he was beneath the shirt he was wearing.  

"Ah, I've been there," he replied wistfully.

"Really?  You relate to that?"

"I barely made it through dinner," he admitted with a laugh.  "All I could think about was… doing this…" he trailed off as he leaned in and began to lick and suck at your neck; his arms wrapped around your waist and you were like putty in them.

"Oh god, Buck," you moaned.

"Say my name like that again," he pleaded.

"Make me," you challenged.

He growled a little as he pulled you back to straddle him on the couch.  You couldn't stop yourself from grinding down on him, moaning again when you felt the hard shape of his cock rubbing right against your clit through your dress and panties.

"Mm, take this off," you purred, tugging at his shirt and tie.

"C-can I keep it on?"

You got a little more serious.  "Of course you can, if you want to.  But I'll admit that I wanna see you."

"And if you don't like what you see?"

"Unlikely, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  I'll take mine off first if you'd like?"

"Obviously I'd like," he chuckled, "but that's easy for you to say.  You're, you know, sexy and stuff."

"As if you're not?"

"I'm not," he informed you.

"Bucky, I'm gonna level with you: you are so fucking sexy it's actually gonna be the death of me someday," you laughed.  "Don't you realize I think about you all the time?" you asked, getting a little more serious.  "Bucky, those times where you came over and we made out, or fooled around?  As soon as you left I was getting myself off right here on this couch— even when you'd already made me come while you were over.  That's how horny you make me— and when you're not here and all I can do is imagine you, I always call out your name when I—"

"Baby," he groaned, "you'd better stop talking like that or this is gonna end a lot sooner than I want it to."

You chuckled before you started to slip off the straps of your dress, loving the way he watched you do it: enraptured.

You were taken by surprise when, the moment your breasts had spilled from the dress, he leaned forward to suck your nipple between his lips.

With a gasp and a moan, you gripped at his hair and let your head fall back.  Either you were really sensitive, or he was really good at this-- probably a little bit of both, but fuck if you weren’t beyond needy and desperate at this point.

"Please, Bucky," you whimpered.

"What is it, angel?  Anything you want, you can have it," he mumbled as he switched to the other side (symmetry is very important with these sorts of things) and you rubbed your hips against his absent-mindedly.

"Please, please, I need to taste you Bucky, oh my god please let me taste you—"

He nodded and you sighed with relief, beginning to slide down his body as you loosened his tie and opened his shirt.  With each button you exposed more of his body, lathing every inch of skin with kisses.

"How's this?" you asked him softly, looking up at him through your lashes.  "Is this okay?"

"It's very unfamiliar," he answered, "and much more than okay."

"Has nobody done this to you before?"

"Nobody's ever wanted to."

You smirked a little.  "Oh, I doubt that."  You palmed his cock through the suit pants, grinning when he jerked a little under your touch.  Slowly, you opened the fly and pulled it out.

Of course you'd seen his cock before, but not for very long and not up close like this.  It suddenly seemed intimidatingly big; you weren't sure you were going to be able to get much of it in your mouth… but you were excited to try!

You weren't sure you had the heart to tease him very much, but you wanted to give it a try at least.  You licked the head first, then down the shaft, then back up slowly.  He was quiet at first, too busy watching you to say anything, but you knew he was losing patience when his fingers brushed over the side of your face; you could feel his restraint, you could feel that urge to grab your hair and guide you.

"Go ahead," you encouraged, "tell me what you want."

"Put it in your mouth, please," he whimpered.

When you obeyed by pushing his cock all the way to the back of your throat, he made the most beautiful sound: like a gasp and a moan all at once.  His hips bucked up into your throat ever so slightly and the sensation of choking made you grow even wetter.

"Fuck," he sighed, "'s so good…"

You moved up and down, savoring every ridge of him as it slid over your tongue.  Each movement grew a little faster as you used your hand to stroke what your lips couldn't reach.

"Baby," he moaned, "oh my god, s-slow down, please— 'm so close, ah fuck yes—"

You stopped for a moment and used only your hand, catching your breath a little as you took a moment to appreciate how good he looked like this.  

"Is it okay if I make you come?" you asked.

"Is it okay if it doesn't take you very long at all?" he returned, already sounding positively wrecked.

“I’ll take it as a compliment,” you decided.

“You should,” he confirmed, whimpering again when you took him back into your mouth and let your tongue explore whatever it could reach.

The taste of his pre-cum made you moan, and the vibrations of that moan made him grip your shoulder tightly.

“A-angel, please,” he begged, as if he was worried you would stop for some reason.  Your attitude was entirely the opposite, though.  All you could think about was how much you wanted to taste his orgasm and swallow it down.  Fortunately, that dream came true not too much later when he grabbed the back of your neck and moaned your name loudly— loud enough that you were a little worried the neighbors might hear.

But honestly?  You kinda wanted them to.

You kept stroking and sucking until every drop was on your tongue.  You smiled up at him and almost spilled some of it but thankfully avoided that fiasco.

“Show me,” he requested softly; it was a relatively mild show of dominance, but it still sent a shiver down your back as you stuck out your tongue and let his seed gather on it.  “Fuck,” he whispered, “that was… wow.”

You swallowed before answering, because it seemed like a good order to do things in.  The bitter taste as the back of your throat was a small price to pay for him looking at you like that.

“You look drained,” you informed him.

“I am,” he nodded.  “Oh, wait, you mean tired?  Yeah, that too.”

You laughed a little.  “Can we lay down for a minute?”

“It’s 10 p.m., I think it’s acceptable to lay down for more than a minute.”

Deciding to turn in for the night instead (and, of course, have a sleepover), the two of you got ready and changed into pajamas, snuggling up into each other’s arms.

It was an easy sleep after that, and a long one.  Bucky woke up first, the very early light of sunrise being less of an influence on his wakefulness compared to you bumping up against him.  He didn’t mind, though, he liked to watch you for a minute before you woke up anyways, to appreciate how peaceful you looked.

He heard you hum through your sleep, cuddling up closer to him.  It was just cute at first, but then your ass pressed back against crotch and goooood morning…

"Hi there beautiful," he cooed, gently kissing on your temple and down to your neck.  You stirred but didn't wake just yet, though you did smile; and he smiled too, loving the way your lips curled— he could remember how those lips looked wrapped around his cock, swollen and slick with spit and come.  It was a good memory.  

His hand slipped down to your hip, holding you firmly against him: by this point he was so hard he was worried he was going to injure himself somehow.

Finally you woke up, your eyes fluttering open as your sleepy smile turned to a wide, flirtatious grin.

"This might be my favorite way ever to wake up," you informed him.  

He chuckled softly, beginning to kiss along your shoulder.  "Agreed."

His fingers moved down at a teasingly slow pace; you unabashedly opened your legs, hoping to egg him on.  Thankfully, it worked.  He started to suck a mark onto the back of your shoulder as he slipped his hand into your panties, instantly discovering how drenched you were and how swollen and sensitive your clit was.

“Oh you poor thing,” he grinned.  “When’d you get so wet, angel?”

“It never stops around you,” you explained with a shiver.

It didn’t take much more until you were a begging mess, his fingers working their magic and making your whole body alight with energy.

"Bucky, please—" you whimpered.

"What do you need, angel?" he asked with only a hint of coyness shining through his tone.

"I just— I want more, please…"

"We've tried a lot of new things today," he reminded you.  "And it was amazing.  And I wondered what you would say if I told you I want to try something else…"

"Oh really?" you purred.  "What did you have in mind?"

"This might not be the, uh, most hip language but… I want to make love to you."

Your eyes went a little wide.  "Really, Bucky?  I mean, you're sure you want me to be—"

"Yes, I'm so sure, I've never been more sure of anything.  You've been so amazing and I can't think of a better person to have as my first."

I don't just want you to be my first, I want you to be my only, he added internally, too afraid to say it aloud.

"I wanna be your first, Bucky," you agreed softly, brushing your fingers through his hair.  "I'm really— I'm honored you want it to be me.  And also I'm very turned on right now."

He laughed and kissed you again, pulling you close.  As his body settled between your legs, you revelled in how warm you felt— not hot or sweaty (yet), just warm, and safe, and comforted.  He still gave you those butterflies in your stomach, sure, but for once that didn’t seem to just be a cute way of repackaging your anxiety.

With your panties pulled to your ankles and your shirt (which was, of course, actually his shirt that you’d stolen) tossed to the side, he kissed his way down your chest and stomach until his face was buried between your legs.

“Buck, I— fuck I thought you were gonna oh god just like that yes—”

“Wanted to return the favor first,” he explained, his words muffled.

“Didn’t anybody ever tell you it’s rude to talk with your mouth full?” you giggled.

He smiled but kept going, almost gentle at first but quickly finding a few favorite spots and stimulating them mercilessly.

You didn’t mean to pull his hair so hard but he didn’t seem to mind, moaning every time you forced him onto you harder.  "Bucky, oh god, don't stop please!” you sobbed.

Of course he didn’t; he wanted you to come, he was a man on a mission and not much could stop him at this point.  Just as he began to suck on your clit even harder than before— just hard enough to make the threat of pain tingle up your spine— he pressed two fingers into your opening.  One little curl into your g-spot and you were gone, biting down on your lip as your body spasmed uncontrollably.

He moaned as he coaxed you through it; you tried to tap out but he went just a moment longer and for that one moment, you thought your body might just crumble into little pieces from the overwhelming pleasure.

Before you could even catch your breath, he was kissing you again.  Your taste on his lips was divinely filthy.

“Need to be inside you,” he explained with a whisper as he started to take off his boxers.

“Please,” you sighed, too weak to even put a full sentence together.

Even with a very thorough warm-up, you couldn’t help but gasp as he pressed into you.  Your walls fluttered and flexed as they made way for the intrusion, both of you moaning softly while you arched your back to take him deeper.

“Fuck, you feel incredible,” he whispered as his face buried into your neck.  Your arms wrapped around his shoulders— you loved how broad and strong they were— and he pushed up from behind your knees to spread you open for him, the new angle forcing the head of his cock to press right into your spot.

“Fuck!” you cried out.  He sat up slightly and looked a little concerned at first.  “No, it’s good,” you reassured him, “it’s so good, Bucky, right there—”

He pulled back only to quickly push forward again, setting a pace that wasn’t quite rushed but was certainly a bit desperate.  Even so, you were on the verge of begging for more, you needed him so badly.

“Harder, please,” you moaned.  Okay, maybe you were a little past being on the verge.

“Is that how you like it?  Rough?” he asked darkly.

“Maybe,” you grinned.  “Is that how you like it?”

“I don’t know yet,” he responded, his grip on your legs tightening until you were almost tempted to struggle against him just to see if he was strong enough to hold you down, “but I like you telling me how to make you feel good.”

“Then fuck me,” you demanded through your teeth, moaning louder when he obeyed and began to pound into you.  The slapping of skin filled the room, as did the revealing sound of your arousal, and it made your face burn even though you were pretty sure he didn’t mind at all.

You were so sensitive from the last time you came that you were already making quick progress towards the next.  Didn’t help that your swollen clit was brushing against his cock every time it speared into you.

“You’re— fuck— you’re squeezin’ me, angel,” he hissed.  “You gonna come already?”

You couldn’t even speak anymore, just nodding wildly.  He leaned forward to kiss you and you were nearly folded in half as he kept his grip on your legs.  You weren’t sure anything had been so deep inside you before; you were sure you had never made a sound like the one you made in that moment.

“Fuck, s’that good, huh?” he teased in reaction to the way you were nearly screaming already.

“God, you are the cockiest virgin ever,” you laughed, hoping you could delay the inevitable just a bit longer for the sake of your dignity.  You tried to angle your body so he wouldn’t be so deep, so it would be so much, but he held you firm and fucked into you even harder.

“Ah ah ah,” he corrected with a smirk, “no running away, angel.  Gonna make you come on my cock.”

“Oh fuck,” you whimpered, “fuck, Bucky, I’m close…”

“Me too,” he murmured back, kissing you deeply one more time.  You hadn’t even imagined how perfect it would feel to come around him with his tongue still in your mouth, your moans blending with his, his fingers digging into your thighs while your nails were sure to leave marks on his back and shoulders.  But even if you had tried to imagine how perfect it would feel, you couldn’t have ever come close.  The moment you were tumbling over the edge, he was right there with you; you could feel him flexing against your walls as he came, and you were afraid if you let your eyes roll back like you so desperately wanted to, they’d get stuck there or something.  

You just barely heard him murmur ‘angel’ as he kissed all down your neck.  His body relaxed a little on top of you, though you still felt sensitive and tingly from where your bodies were joined.

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” he admitted, looking down at you as his cheeks turned a little pink.

You couldn’t, though, and he sat up with a sigh as you smiled back up at him.  He held your legs up as he pulled out, watching with wide eyes as his come leaked from your hole.  You gasped when he reached down to push it back in with two fingers; your whole body jerked when he moved those fingers inside you and started to rub your g-spot again.

“Bucky, what are you—?” you asked breathlessly, but you were already subconsciously pushing back to ride his fingers.

"I wanna see you come one more time," he explained.  "You just look so perfect when you do it— and it's the best feeling when I'm doing it to you."

“We can definitely agree on that,” you mumbled.  He rubbed little circles over your spot, using his free hand to hold your hips down, forcing you to take all the sensation he was giving you.  Knowing that his come was the lubricant for all this made your head spin.  “F-fuck, right there,” you whimpered.

“I know,” he smiled.  “I can tell you’re close again.”

It wasn’t so much that you were close than that you never got a chance to come down from the high of the last one.

“You’re so perfect, my perfect girl,” he purred, watching you squirm from the praise.  “You wanna be my good girl, don’t you?  You wanna come for me again?”

“Yes,” you groaned, “god, yes, Bucky—”

He pressed against you harder and your moan quickly shifted to a slightly-embarrassing choking noise.  His fingers pumped into faster and faster and your sore walls burned but you still wanted more.  He didn’t let up until you were tightening around him with another orgasm, this one burning brighter but shorter, taking all the energy from you at once.  He watched your face as you came, loving the way you held your breath, the way your eyes fluttered shut, the way you bit down on your lip—

"Bucky— you said one more—" you whined in confusion when you realized his fingers were still moving, if a little slower, and his thumb was reaching up to press into your clit.

"I never said just one more…" he smirked.

"Fuck, I— I dunno if I can take it!" you sobbed, the sensation nearly too much to handle.

"Oh you can," he purred.  "You're so strong, you're so good for me— I know you can.  I know you can give me one more."

You literally squealed when he pulled out his fingers only to put his cock in you again.  You hadn’t even realized he was still hard.

“Oh my god, Bucky!” you cried out, gripping the sheets for dear life.

"You wanna call out my name like you did when I wasn't around?  I bet that's not all you did.  I bet you begged, and pleaded, screamed for me to let you come.  Am I right?"

You nodded feverishly; his laugh in response had just that hint of condescension, that edge of degradation.  Even though you knew he wouldn't judge you for it, admitting it felt dirty in a delicious way.

“‘Cause you wanna be my good girl,” he posited.

“I— I am your good girl,” you stammered, feeling a little silly referring to yourself that way.

He laughed a little, still rubbing your clit as he fucked you hard and fast.  “Yeah, you are, angel.”

The petname, even though you’d heard it a thousand times, was what sent you over the edge the last time.  You nearly kicked him off you as the pleasure finally reached the point that you truly were at your limit, but thankfully he got the hint before that and pulled out, giving you a much needed break.

“Dear god,” you chuckled through your exhaustion, your eyes falling shut, “that was— you are— I can’t—”

“Was it good?” he asked softly as he laid beside you and pulled you into him.

Your eyes shot open again.  “Was… was it good?” you repeated incredulously.  “Buck, it was incredible.  It was life-ruining.  I thought your first time was going to be about you.”

“It was!  Making you come four times is me spoiling myself,” he explained, kissing your shoulder.  “What’s about you is me letting you shower first.”

“You aren’t gonna join me?” you asked coyly.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish, angel,” he warned.  “I think you need a rest.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you grumbled disappointedly.  The last thing you needed was to pass out in the shower from him doing that to you again.  “Is it really a whole year until my next birthday?” 

“Yeah, sadly that’s how those work,” he smiled. 

“What about your birthday?” 

“Not ‘til March.”

“...that means your half-birthday is just a week away,” you realized.

“So?”

“I think we should start celebrating those.”

He laughed a little.  “You wanna get me a half-present?”

“Yeah,” you decided.  “I think I’m gonna pay for half of your dinner.  Then I’m gonna fuck you halfway to death.”

[arctic-comet]

Osblaine week 2021, Day 2: Lyrics

Over the last several weeks, I have carefully curated a playlist for Osblaine. The final total length of the playlist is 2 hours and 53 minutes.

The playlist can be found HERE

Click "Keep Reading" if you're interested in the introduction, commentary, more graphics and the full tracklist.

For full disclosure, I have to give some of the credit to my amazing fellow Osblaine fangirls @dystopiandramaqueen, @splitscreen and everyone who participated in a certain conversation for the original inspiration and even bringing up some of the songs.

You should look at the playlist in five parts: one section for each season that's aired and one section for the future (because I like to end things on a hopeful note).

The playlist contains a lot of the following:

Music from movie and TV soundtracks

Instrumental music

Remixes

Classics and covers of classics

Country music. I blame Florida. My sincerest apologies.

Some of the songs were chosen because they reminded me of a certain Osblaine scene, and some of them aren't specific to particular scenes but chosen for the general Osblaine vibe. And most of the movie/TV music I chose have been used for couples that remind me of Nick and June.

Part I- Season 1, first 12 songs of the playlist:

Forbidden Love- Abel Korzeniowski, Jasper Randall, The Hollywood Studio Symphony (Romeo & Juliet)

Fireflies- Owl City

Echoes in Rain- Enya

My Ghost- Glass Pear (Bones)

Daring to Hope- Anne Dudley (Poldark)

Everytime We Touch- Cascada

1000 Times- Sara Bareilles

Too Good At Goodbyes- Sam Smith

In Case You Don't Live Forever- Ben Platt

To Find You- Cast of Sing Street, Brenock O’Connor

She- Elvis Costello (Notting Hill)

Miracle- Instrumental- Cö Shu Nie

Hanging By A Moment- Lifehouse

Commentary:

The first instrumental song IMO works as an intro for their entire love story.

The next two songs are more about having the right vibe. It's a little ambiguous and dark because that's how their life is in Gilead.

Leave my door open just a crack

Please take me away from here

'Cause I feel like such an insomniac

Please take me away from here

Why do I tire of counting sheep?

Please take me away from here

When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

***

Wait for the sun

Watching the sky

Black as a crow

Night passes by

Taking the stars

So far away

Everything flows

Here comes another new day

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

***

"My Ghost" is June's POV before they sleep together, wondering if she can trust Nick:

Who can you trust, in this place?

And whom can I put my faith?

If you're real, then show me now,

Who you are

The last two songs are for episode 1x10, for both Nick’s reaction to June’s pregnancy and the beginning of her first escape attempt (arranged by Nick).

She may be the face I can't forget The trace of pleasure or regret May be my treasure or the price I have to pay She may be the song that summer sings Maybe the chill that autumn brings Maybe a hundred different things Within the measure of a day

Part II- Season 2, next 10 songs:

Love Will Keep Us Alive- Eagles

So Easy- Phillip Phillips

Incomplete- James Bay

Rewrite the Stars- The Piano Guys (The Greatest Showman)

I’ll Be Your Shelter- Taylor Dayne

Love Never Fails- Brandon Heath

P.S. I Love You- 05:11- John Powell (P.S. I Love You)

It's A Girl- Mychel Danna (The Time Traveler's Wife)

I'll Stand By You- Josh Groban, Helene Fischer

The Miracle of Love- Eurythmics

Commentary:

The first four songs cover June’s escape attempt and the time they share at the Boston Globe.

"Incomplete" is Nick's POV from when she's on the run and he knows she'll be gone from his life soon. He lives in the moment.

I don't wanna look down

I don't want us to break up in the clouds

All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now

"I'll Be Your Shelter" is for when June's mental health is at its lowest point and he goes to Serena to beg for her to get June help.

What you need is a friend to count on

What you got baby you got someone

Who will stay when the rain is fallin'

And won't let it fall on you

P.S. I Love You takes me back to episode 2.09, Nick’s selflessness in the episode and of course the scene where after telling June that Luke loves her, he tells her that he loves her too, despite believing she probably doesn’t feel the same way.

It's A Girl makes me think of the beautiful moment they share during June's false labor when he helps her out of the van and they climb the steps together.

I’ll Stand By You is for 2.10, Nick holding June after she was heartbroken over Hannah and over what the Waterfords did to her and clinging onto him.

Part III- Season 3, next 6 songs:

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close- Alexandre Desplat (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

All I Ask- Adele

Never Enough- Loren Allred (The Greatest Showman)

I Don’t Wanna Live Forever- Taylor Swift, ZAYN (Fifty Shades Darker)

Love is Gone- SLANDER, Dylan Matthew

Constellations- The Oh Hellos

Commentary:

For obvious reasons, it was extremely difficult to pick songs for this season.

The first (instrumental) song is for the beginning of the season with June coming back to the Waterford house and them then saying goodbye to each other on the street.

All I Ask, Never Enough, I Don't Wanna Live Forever and Love Is Gone are for their night together in June’s room at Lawrence’s (the one we didn’t get to see sigh). They know it's possible it's all they'll ever have, and they'll take it, but it'll never be enough.

I will leave my heart at the door I won't say a word They've all been said before, you know So why don't we just play pretend? Like we're not scared of what's coming next Or scared of having nothing left

Look, don't get me wrong I know there is no tomorrow All I ask is

If this is my last night with you Hold me like I'm more than just a friend Give me a memory I can use Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do It matters how this ends 'Cause what if I never love again?

***

All the shine of a thousand spotlights

All the stars we steal from the night sky

Will never be enough

Never be enough

Towers of gold are still too little

These hands could hold the world but it'll

Never be enough

Never be enough

***

I'm sorry, don't leave me, I want you here with me

I know that your love is gone

I can't breathe, I'm so weak, I know this isn't easy

Don't tell me that your love is gone

That your love is gone

"Constellations" is for their long separation and the doubts that I'm sure plagued them both during it. Would they ever see each other again?

Part IV- S4, next 12 songs:

All of Me- John Legend

(Everything I do) I Do It For You- Bryan Adams

Iris- Natalie Taylor (City of Angels)

She Was Like A Bright Light- Hans Zimmer, Rupert Greyson-Williams (Winter’s Tale)

Noah's Last Letter- Aaron Zigman (The Notebook)

What’s In The Middle- the bird and the bee (Bones)

ivy- Taylor Swift

Footprints in the Sand- Leona Lewis

Remember Me (Lullaby)- Gael Garcia Bernal, Gabriella Flores (Coco)

On The Nature Of Daylight- Max Richter

My Heart Will Go On- Basil Jose (Titanic)

The Story- Sara Ramirez (Grey's Anatomy)

Commentary:

There were sooo many songs I wanted to include in part IV, but I controlled myself and ended up with this particular dozen.

"She Was Like A Bright Light" and "Noah’s Last Letter" are an instrumental double punch to the gut for Nick’s time in Gilead during episodes 4.07-4.09. The first one is meant for when he finds out June made it to Canada, and the 2nd for is for when he starts to gather info on Hannah to give to June.

"What’s in the Middle" and "ivy" are June’s POV of episodes 4.07-4.09.

"What's In The Middle" has more of an angry and confused vibe, and June was definitely both in episodes 7 and 8.

Losing your head is such a common theme

All your brains are falling out, falling out the open seams

Where is the heart, is the heart of the matter

I will empty out my skull of all this useless chatter

On the other hand, "ivy" has this haunted vibe, but there's also reverence and acceptance, which she begins to achieve in episode 9.

Oh, goddamn

My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't

Stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows

And now I'm covered in you

The next three songs are of course all for their reunion in 4.09, and I couldn’t resist including the song that was actually played in the scene.

"The Story" draws the season to a close nicely, with June understanding that her current needs are different from what they used to be and that there’s someone who understands her completely (and it’s not Luke).

You see the smile that's on my mouth

It's hiding the words that don't come out

And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed

They don't know my head is a mess

No, they don't know who I really am

And they don't know what I've been through like you do

And I was made for you

Part V- Season 5 and Beyond, the last 6 songs

Secret Love Song- Little Mix, Jason Derulo

Burn With You- Lea Michele

The Bones- Maren Morris

Feels Like Home- Auli'i Carvalho, Keegan DeWitt

Love Will Find A Way- Piano Covers (Lion King II)

Like I'll Never Love You Again- Carrie Underwood

“Secret Love Song” is a more angsty tune about a love that’s still kept a secret like June and Nick’s love (as far as most people are concerned). Now that they’ve already made out in front of the man who raped and abused June and made Nick watch him do that, I want to believe they can let go of the secrecy in S5, at least when it comes to a few people.

I'm living for that day Someday Can I hold you in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that we could be like that Why can't we it be like that? Cause I'm yours, I'm yours Why can't you hold me in the street? Why can't I kiss you on the dancefloor? I wish that it could be like that Why can't it be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't I say that I'm in love? I wanna shout it from the rooftops I wish that it could be like that Why can't we be like that? Cause I'm yours Why can't we be like that? Wish we could be like that

***

“Bones” is about a relationship with a strong foundation, which IMO they do have. It will carry them in the future, too. They’re more into each other now than ever before and especially June is coming to terms with how strong that love is. They’ll weather any storm.

When the bones are good, the rest don't matter

Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter

Let it break 'cause you and I remain the same

When there ain't a crack in the foundation

Baby, I know any storm we're facing

Will blow right over while we stay put

The house don't fall when the bones are good

***

“Feels Like Home” is more hopeful. Their home is with each other and I hope that’s something that will be explored more in the future.

Take me, I'm ready

Go slow but go steady

To a place that we can call our own

I wanna know what feels like home

***

“Like I’ll Never Love You Again” is a good conclusion for the playlist. It’s hopeful and a testament to an epic love.

I wanna love you like the rain on a roof

Stronger than a bottle of a hundred ten proof

I wanna take love to places that love has never been

Yeah, I wanna love you like I'll never love you again

And I'll love you again

Oh, and again

[icannotgetoverbirds]

starting to think that talking to your younger self is incredibly therapeutic if you have any semblance of kindness towards them. so, thanks, i guess. i think i needed this.

Reblog with what you would tell your 13-year-old self in the tags.

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU. 

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer. 

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience. 

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her. 

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone? 

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work. 

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me. 

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next. 

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing. 

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes. 

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago. 

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out?  I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive. 

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him. 

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink. 

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine. 

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out." 

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine. 

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me. 

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again? 

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart. 

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

xx 

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently. 

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline. 

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish. 

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed. 

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke. 

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

[suddencolds]

Pretense | Genshin Impact | 2/2

Part 2 of my Gen/shin Imp/act fic w Childe/Zhongli, ft. a cold, a meeting Childe doesn’t want to cancel, and dinner with Zhongli. (Here’s part 1!) 

—

Zhongli stands. “Childe,” he says earnestly. “I was beginning to worry that something had happened.”

“Trouble at work,” Childe says dismissively.  “It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle, that’s for sure.” It’s not the full truth, but how can he tell Zhongli that he’s only late because his cold is taking its toll on his usual brutal efficiency? He’s sure that, in conjunction with his lateness, it would only sound like an excuse. “I’m sorry to make you wait.”

“There is no need to apologize,” Zhongli says, unperturbed as ever. “You are worth waiting for.”

Childe grins at him, a little shakily. “Still, it’s cold out. Had I been closer to town, I would’ve sent someone to tell you about the delay. “I didn’t think you would still be here.”

“You are the one who suggested for us to meet here,” Zhongli counters. “It was only natural for me to uphold the agreement until you arrived.” 

Childe wonders if he’s like this with everyone—loyal and almost infuriatingly genuine. Surely Zhongli has run into his fair share of people who don’t keep their promises—Childe wonders, not for the first time, if there’s any limit to his seemingly limitless patience.

“Is everything resolved now?” Zhongli asks.

“Yeah. I just ran into some difficulty with recruits. You know how it is,” Childe says. “Business as usual, yet the newcomers can be… difficult to cater to.” He conveniently leaves out the fact that he’s usually the one pushing himself past his limits to impress them—that’s not something Zhongli needs to know. “I had a couple good spars with them, though!” He makes a show out of stretching, stifling a yawn. “If I’m more tired than usual, that’s probably why.”

Zhongli only nods. “If you are tired, we can postpone our walk, and end our meeting early so that you can be properly rested when—”

“No,” Childe says, maybe too quickly. “No, no, it’s okay. You waited all this time for me, and… I’m excited for tonight.” That’s not a lie. He feels better standing next to Zhongli already—something about being in his presence makes him feel strangely comforted.

There’s also the irrelevant, lesser-known fact that Childe hates being alone when he’s ill. But that’s not something he intends to share, either.

“So…” he sniffles as discretely as possible. “...dinner?”

Zhongli smiles to him. “I am looking forward to it.”

They fall easily into step, shoulder to shoulder. Liyue is busy as always, and one of the merchants—carrying something or other, not looking where they’re going—bumps into him, sending him closer to Zhongli. It’s only a moment of contact, but Zhongli is… warm. Childe pulls away quickly so that Zhongli doesn’t feel him shiver.

As always, Zhongli talks, and Childe finds himself more than content to listen. For once, he’s glad that the market is so loud—it makes it so that when he sniffles or clears his throat, it’s not very noticeable.

Halfway through the walk, though, a familiar, sharp prickle settles back in his nose. Zhongli is still talking, so Childe turns away slightly, his breath wavering.

“... hH!”

“The jade plaques are hand-carved, so they are all unique,” Zhongli is saying, oblivious, as they pass a stall that sells jade pendants. “As jade goes, it is priced for its translucency and the evenness in its coloration, though true jade always has imperfections.”

Childe pinches the bridge of his nose in a desperate attempt to stave off the growing urge to sneeze. “A double edged… hH! S-sword,” he comments. “I imagine that if they’re too clear, there’s a chance they… Hiih! … might be counterfeits.”

Zhongli nods sagely. “That’s right. Jade plaques like this are especially valuable, given their history, which makes them a popular relic for dishonest merchants to emulate. It is said that they were originally made to honor Rex Lapis, Lord of Geo, back before his form was—” 

Childe jerks away, cupping his hand over his face as a sneeze snaps him forward.

“HiiHH’ISCHHEW!”

The sneeze echoes in his cupped hands, barely muffled, and still… loud. He flushes, embarrassed, as he lowers his hands slowly from his face.

“Bless you,” Zhongli says.

Faintly, Childe realizes that Zhongli is looking at him. Childe refuses to meet his eyes. He’s sure that if he makes eye contact now, Zhongli will be able to see straight through him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Childe says, sniffling again.

Zhongli is quiet for a moment, observing him with his usual scrutiny. Childe wonders if his hesitance is out of disgust. 

“Are you alright?” he says finally.

Childe nods. “I’m fine! Must be that…” he looks around. They’re next to one of the food stands that's heavy on its spices, which he assumes is as good of an excuse as any. “...one of the spices here… hhIH… hIHh’NDGt!” He almost winces, turning away to sniffle with one knuckle pressed to his face. “...doesn’t agree with me, ahaha. Nothing to worry about! Uh, you were talking about the Lord of Geo’s forms?”

“Ah. Yes,” Zhongli says. He launches into the history of jade plaques and Rex Lapis’s many forms, and somewhere along the way, Childe forgets what he’s worried about.

The sun’s going down, and uncharacteristically the cool air is making him shiver. He crosses his arms mid-walk in a mostly-futile effort to conserve warmth, but it doesn’t do much. In between his frequent interjections, his voice is starting to sound worse, too—he supposes he’s overused it in talking to the recruits; it’s lucky that Zhongli is content to do most of the talking.

When they get to Wanmin, Zhongli leads him to one of the tables outside. 

“Wanmin is well-known for its variety,” Zhongli says. “While it offers Li style and Yue style food, you will find that Chef Mao also fulfills even the most specific of customer requests.”

“Specific customer requests, huh,” Childe says. “Does that mean you’ve ordered something off the menu here, xiansheng?”

Zhongli smiles. “I have ordered everything except for the seafood dishes.”

“I forgot about your aversion to seafood,” Childe admits, laughing. “You will have to tell me the story behind it someday. Besides that, what do you suggest?”

“I think I have something in mind,” Zhongli says untellingly, looking contemplative. “First, sit down.”

Childe obliges. Sitting down is a relief—as much as he would never admit it, their short walk has left him exhausted. He resists the urge to slump forward on the seat. Worse, the persistent itch in his nose from earlier is back.

“Stay here. I will order for you,” Zhongli says, laying a hand on his arm, and Childe—

Childe actually shivers, which is embarrassing, to say the least. Luckily, Zhongli doesn’t seem to notice.  “Don’t forget about the mora,” he says, and fishes for a pouch of coins from his pocket. “Here. I’m sure Chef Mao has dealt with his fair share of your forgetfulness.”

Zhongli smiles sheepishly, which is probably more endearing than it has any right to be. “Thank you, Childe. I will be back in a minute.”

As soon as he disappears around the corner to talk to Chef Mao, Childe exhales, lifting a hand to rub his nose. It’s a bad idea. Suddenly the tickle from before is back, and he’s snapping forward with barely any warning, his eyes squeezing shut.

“hHIH’NGDt! hH!..HIHh’GKtt! hhH....”

Stifling isn’t very relieving at all. If anything, it seems to make him more congested. He casts a quick, desperate glance towards the restaurant. It’s still loud outside, the marketplace as raucous at night as it is at day. Surely Zhongli won’t notice if he—

“hIIH…. hIIH’ISChH-u!” Well, it’s not like he has much control over it now. “hHh... hiIH’IZCHhew!” He gasps again, ducking lower to muffle the sneeze in the crook of his arm. “hIIh’IISCHEEW!”

They’re forceful in a way that suggests that this is going to be a really awful cold,  but it’s relieving to succumb to the urge at last. He sighs, sniffling hard, and lowers his arm. Zhongli is still ordering, it seems. Childe is suddenly grateful that he’d chosen this moment to step away.

His eyes are watering a little, so he blinks quickly. Finally, Zhongli comes back to sit down across from him.

“That was fast,” Childe says, wincing a little at how congested his voice sounds. “I hope you gave him a tip?”

"Of course," Zhongli says, sliding back the pouch of mora. 

They fall back into conversation easily enough after that. It’s only when Zhongli goes quiet that Childe snaps out of his reverie.

“You have been quiet,” Zhongli remarks. “Is something on your mind?”

Childe blinks at him. “Ah. Sorry,” he says, muffling a cough. “I’m still listening. I can talk more if you want me to.”

“No,” Zhongli says. “There’s no need. I was only wondering if it would be better if I refrained from speaking so much.”

Childe frowns. Zhongli has the wrong idea—Childe likes listening to him—but he can’t help but wonder if he’s worse company than usual. “I like listening to you,” Childe insists. “If… it’s okay. I just… I’ve talked a lot today, so...” He looks away, feeling his face grow hot at the admission. “I think I’m, uh, losing my voice, or something.”

Zhongli frowns at him. “Will you have recruits to train tomorrow?”

He tries to recall his schedule for the week. “Don’t think so. Tomorrow’s errands will… hiH!...’NGDshH! be more straightforward. I—” he coughs again. “I hope.”

“That is a relief,” Zhongli says. “Regardless, you should save your voice. Your assurance that you are still interested is enough.”

I’m always interested, Childe thinks, as Zhongli launches back into another story about Liyuen history. His voice is smooth and low and, in every capacity, as comforting as always. Childe falls into it entirely.

It’s only when the food arrives that he finds himself staring down at a bowl of still-steaming soup.

It’s not something he’s had before. He takes an experimental sip. The warmth is immediately comforting; it's exactly the sort of warmth he's been craving all day. He doesn’t have much of an appetite, and he can barely taste it through his congestion, but what he can discern of the flavor is...

“This is delicious, xiansheng,” he says, letting his eyes fall shut in his indulgence. “What is it?”

“Bamboo shoot soup,” Zhongli answers simply. “It should be a good remedy for your cold.”

Childe nearly drops his spoon.

He blinks, surprised. “What?”

Zhongli stares back at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “Your cold,” he repeats. “You have been showing symptoms of it all evening. It is not unlikely that you have a fever as well, if the way you have been shivering is any indication. Were you not aware that you were ill?”

Childe buries his face in one hand. “I knew! Just... was it so obvious?”

“Did you intend to keep it a secret?”

“Not exactly, but…” he sighs. “I didn’t want to cancel our plans over something so trivial. You had already waited so long for me, so it wouldn’t have been fair if I’d just… used it as an excuse to - hIHh!”

Childe feels his breath wavering. He shuts his eyes in desperation, ducking away from the table. This is really the worst timing. 

“hIihh… hIIH’NDGxt! snf… s-sorry, I... hIIH’ISSHHEEw!”

He flushes as another shiver racks his frame. It’s… embarrassing, to say the least, to sneeze so openly right in front of someone he admires. 

“Bless you,” Zhongli says. When Childe looks up at him, he looks sad, his shoulders hunching as he stares down at his own food.  “Childe, are you only here because you felt obligated to uphold your end of an agreement?” His voice is soft, as always. He doesn’t sound accusatory—only uncertain, but somehow, that makes it worse. “I would not have thought any less of you if you had been honest with me.”

“That’s not it,” Childe says, and fuck, he wants to say anything just to get that hurt expression off of Zhongli’s face. “I came because I wanted to see you.” He blinks past sudden exhaustion.  Suddenly his breath catches wrong and he’s coughing harshly, hurrying to press his forearm to his face as his shoulders shudder with the effort.

“I… realize I might not be great company right now, though,” he admits, wincing. His voice is really shot.

Maybe it would have been better had he been less selfish. Maybe he should have cancelled their meeting the moment he’d started feeling bad. Or maybe he should get rid of his strange over-reliance on the funeral consultant in the first place.

Zhongli reaches for his hand. Childe wants to pull it away, on instinct, but Zhongli’s grasp is firm and strangely, hopelessly grounding.

“You are always good company,” Zhongli says sternly, with as much conviction as he has when he recites history or recalls fact. “If you wanted to see me, you could have just asked. For you, I would have said yes.”

“You indulge me,” Childe accuses him, sniffling. Zhongli smiles, as if he’s taken it as a compliment.

“Perhaps. Will you let me walk you back home after we finish our meal?”

Childe wants to protest. They had a walk planned, after all, but he’s exhausted, and the trip back to the inn he’s staying in suddenly seems much less arduous when he considers he could be walking back with Zhongli.

“Zhongli, you are proving my point,” he says, cracking a smile. “...If you don’t mind, though, I would love that.”

He’s really going to miss Liyue when he leaves.

[oldmanatom]

A Locked Tomb Fanmix But It’s All Classic Country

this exists entirely because one night the thought “but what if i made a Locked Tomb fanmix with only classic country songs” popped into my head, unprompted, and i thought it was too hilarious to not do.

the art on the cover is done by @starfleetofficial​​, who this mix is also dedicated to. thank you for recommending me these books, continuously “yes, and”ing my semi-coherent TLT messages sent at 5 in the morning, and being so supportive about this idea. (also check out her version, A HtN fanmix but it’s all Fiona Apple!) the cover design is referencing the famous Marty Robbins album, Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs.

my one listening note: this will probably be more enjoyable if it’s approached with an open mind and an expectation that it’s taking itself about as seriously as the official fanmixes do.

see below the cut for a song list and some lyric excerpts.

this mix has implicit spoilers for both Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth.

Gideon the Ninth mix: youtube / spotify / full res cover Harrow the Ninth mix: youtube / spotify / full res cover full mix: youtube / spotify / full res cover

Gideon the Ninth:

1. Johnny Paycheck, “Take This Job And Shove It”

You better not try to stand in my way 'Cause I'm walkin' out the door Take this job and shove it I ain't working here no more

2. Dolly Parton, “When Someone Wants To Leave”

It's a sad situation I must say When someone wants to leave as bad as you want them to stay

3. Loretta Lynn, “I’m A Gettin’ Ready To Go”

I'm gonna praise my savior's name everyday that I'm livin' Glory hallelujah I'm not ashamed to let my salvation show This old world's just my dressin' room and I'm a gettin' ready to go

4. Waylon Jennings, “I Ain’t Living Long Like This”

I tried to run but I don't think I can You make one move and you're a dead man friend Ain't living long like this Can't live at all like this, can I baby?

5. Loretta Lynn, “This Haunted House”

This haunted house I'm livin' in is killing me And the ghost of your love won't set me free Each morning finds me crying and alone In this haunted house we used to call our home

6. Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, “After The Fire Is Gone”

We know it's wrong for us to meet But the fire's gone out at home And there's nothin' cold as ashes After the fire is gone

7. Loretta Lynn, “How Long Will It Take”

(How long will it take?) How long will it take to make you want me How much longer has this old heart gotta break (How long will it take?) How long will it take to make you need me I keep a waitin' and a wonderin' how long will it take

8. Stonewall Jackson, “Don’t Be Angry”

Maybe someday you're gonna hurt me I've been hurt in love before Only God can know And time alone will tell

9. Dick Curless, “A Tombstone Every Mile”

It's a stretch of road up north in Maine That's never ever ever seen a smile If they'd buried all them truckers lost in them woods There'd be a tombstone every mile

10. Johnny Paycheck, “(It Won’t Be Long) And I’ll Be Hating You”

Lately life with you has been unbearable All my faith in you has gone and I know it won't return I did everything to make you happy I could do Now you've gotten me hatin' things I used to love to do And it won't be long and I'll be hatin' you

11. Norma Jean, “Let’s Go All The Way”

All the way means happiness living side by side Halfway means a heartbreak if one of us should lie Just give me a clue that you love me too Hold me in your arms and say “Oh, let’s go all the way”

12. Loretta Lynn, “Everybody Wants To Go To Heaven”

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die Lord, I wanna go to heaven but I don't wanna die Though I long for the day when I'll have new birth Still I love the livin' here on earth Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die

13. Homer & Jethro, “She Made Toothpicks Of The Timber Of My Heart”

She was seasoned, I was green Yes my darling lumber queen Wound me ‘round her finger like a clinging vine

14. Patsy Cline, “The Heart You Break May Be Your Own”

You'll look around and when you've found That you are all alone Then you'll get wise and realize The heart you break may be your own

15. Buck Owens, “I’ve Got A Tiger By The Tail”

Well every night you drag me where the bright lights are found There ain't no way to slow you down I’m as 'bout as helpless as a leaf in a gale And it looks like I've got a tiger by the tail

16. Charley Pride, “All I Have To Offer You (Is Me)”

Before you take another step, there's something you should know About the years ahead and how they'll be You'll be living in a world where roses hardly ever grow 'Cause all I have to offer you is me

17. Faron Young, “Live Fast, Love Hard, Die Young”

I wanna leave a lot of happy women A-thinkin’ pretty thoughts of me I wanna live fast, love hard, die young And leave a beautiful memory

18. Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner, “The Last Thing On My Mind”

I've got reason a plenty for goin'      This I know, this I know The weeds have been steadily growin'      Please don't go, please don't go

Are you going away with no word of farewell Will there be not a trace left behind I could've loved you better, didn't mean to be unkind You know that was the last thing on my mind

19. Marty Robbins, “The Master’s Call”

I felt the end was near, that death would be the price When a mighty bolt of lightning showed the face of Jesus Christ And I cried “oh Lord forgive me, don't let it happen now I want to live for you alone, oh God these words I vow”

Bridge: Lefty Frizzell, “Long Black Veil”

She walks these hills in a long black veil She visits my grave when the night winds wail Nobody knows, nobody sees Nobody knows but me

Harrow the Ninth:

1. Hank Williams, “I’ll Never Get Out Of This World Alive”

Every thing's against me and it's got me down If I jumped in the river I would probably drown No matter how I struggle and strive I'll never get out of this world alive

2. Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt, and Emmylou Harris, “Those Memories Of You”

In dreams of you, my body trembles I wake up and call your name But you're not there, and I'm so lonesome Without your love, I'd go insane

3. Hank Snow, “I Don’t Hurt Anymore”

I don't hurt anymore, all my teardrops are dried No more walking the floor with that burning inside Just to think it could be time has opened the door And at last I am free I don't hurt anymore

4. Patsy Cline, “Stop The World And Let Me Off”

Oh, stop the world and let me off I'm tired of goin' round ��n' round I played the game of love and lost So stop the world and let me off

5. Charley Pride, “Lie To Me”

Oh, lie to me, say you love me Tell me I mean the world to you It would mean so much, I'd be so happy And it's the least you can do

6. Hank Snow, “Ninety Miles An Hour (Down A Dead End Street)”

Warnin' signs are flashin' by us but we pay no heed Instead of slowin' down the pace we keep picking up the speed Disaster's gettin' closer every time we meet Doin' ninety miles an hour down a dead end street

7. Patsy Cline and the Anita Kerr Singers, “I Can’t Forget”

Where are you, darlin'? Are you with someone new I can't forget you I'll always be loving you

8. Lynn Anderson, “If I Kiss You (Will You Go Away)”

You're so much hurt I wish you wouldn't stay If I kiss you will you go away?

9. Connie Smith, “Once A Day”

Once a day all day long And once a night from dusk till dawn The only time I wish you weren't gone Is once a day, every day, all day long

10. Charley Pride, “Just Between You And Me”

But just between you and me I've got my doubts about it 'Cause just between you and me You're too much to forget

11. Buck Owens, “Hello Trouble”

A comin' up my sidewalk Just as plain as day A well a here come trouble that I never thought I'd see When you went away

12. Loretta Lynn, “Fist City”

You'll bite off more than you can chew If you get too cute or witty You better move your feet if you don't wanna eat A meal that's called Fist City

13. The Davis Sisters, “I Forgot More Than You’ll Ever Know”

You think you know the smile on his lips The thrill at the touch of his fingertips But I've forgotten more Than you'll ever know about him

14. Kitty Wells, “Pick Me Up On Your Way Down” (Charlie Walker’s version is on the Spotify playlist)

When you learn these things are true I'll be waiting here for you As you tumble to the ground Pick me up on your way down

15. Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, “You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly”

And that's the reason that my good looks and my figure is gone      And that's the reason I ain't got no hair to comb And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darling

16. Loretta Lynn, “Who Says God Is Dead”

If I were you I'd kneel and pray 'Cause we're not promised one more day Remember blood was shed Who says God is dead?

17. Patsy Cline and The Jordanaires, “Imagine That”

Can you believe I'd swallow my pride (Well yes, yes, I guess you can) 'Cause you know you've always had my foolish heart Right in the palm of your hand, oh

18. Jody Miller and Johnny Paycheck, “Let’s All Go Down To The River”

Jesus is the man at the river And he's washing people's sins away He can save your soul if you give him control Oh be ready for that judgement day

19. Bobby Bare, “Dropkick Me, Jesus”

Make me, oh, make me, Lord, more than I am Make me a piece in Your master game plan Free from the earthly temptation below I've got the will, Lord, if You got the toe

20. Lynn Anderson, “Heaven’s Just A Sin Away”

Devil's got me now Oh, gone and got me now I can't fight him anyhow I think he's gonna win

Heaven’s just a sin away Oh, just a sin away Heaven help me when I say I think I’m givin’ in

21. Loretta Lynn, “Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed”

I'm gonna search everywhere that you might be When I find you I'm a bringin’ you home with me I want you out of my head And back in my bed Before the morning comes

22. Johnny Cash, “Big River”

Now, won't you batter down by Baton Rouge, River Queen, roll it on Take that woman on down to New Orleans, New Orleans Go on, I've had enough, dump my blues down in the gulf She loves you, Big River, more than me

Now I taught the weeping willow how to cry, cry, cry And I showed the clouds how to cover up a clear blue sky And the tears that I cried for that woman are gonna flood you, Big River And I'm gonna sit right here until I die

[lluvguts]

the best medicine // wolfstar

pairing: sirius black / remus lupin

warnings: all fluff! so none! :)

word count: 1,833

summary: Sirius won't let Remus out of his sight until he feels better again. Even if that means breakfast in bed.

n/a: adding most of my ao3 fics onto here! if you enjoyed reading, check out my page here and requests are open so just message me!!

Sirius had woken up with a frown, fully expecting Remus to be curled into his side—in the predawn hours before Remus returned to his own bed, as the others knew well enough about their relationship but Remus and Sirius were much too afraid of any Professors finding out. But sadly Sirius’s sheets were cold without a warm, sleepy Remus and dark from the bed curtains which were oddly shut. Their dormitory wasn’t filled with its usual chatter, meaning either the rest of their friends had left to breakfast without him, or they were still sound asleep.

“Moons?” Sirius whispered softly into the quiet, slipping a finger through the curtains to see. He was right. Peter and James had already left for breakfast—along with Lily from the girl’s chambers, no doubt. Remus’s bed was next to his own and Sirius saw with a thudding heart that Remus was slumped over with his back to him, with mussy hair peeking out of the sheet. It might have been a Saturday, but Remus was never one to mope about.

That was...weird. Remus always at least tipped his head up, any indication that he’d heard him. Something was definitely wrong, and Sirius prayed it was not some prank that the others were playing on him. Perhaps they used a Polyjuice Potion to trick Sirius into thinking that his boyfriend wasn’t a magicked Peter. Yuck.

“Remus, you alright?” Sirius tried again, slipping out from the comfort of his bed to slide onto the soft covers to Remus. He set a hand against his head, leaning to see that Remus had circles lining his dark green eyes. Yes, it was definitely the real Remus. He had the same healing scrapes on his bare shoulders and neck from a full moon nights ago, the price to pay for being a werewolf.

Sirius set aside the first reason he was concerned and found a new one as he touched one purply bruise on Remus’s jaw, making both wince.

“Do you need me to get some ice from the dining hall? These marks still look bad, Moony.”

Remus snaked a hand free from his sheets and moved Sirius’s hand away. “I’m fine, Pads. You don’t have to worry over me. Go off to breakfast, I heard James was going to save you a seat.”

“Well what about you ? Why won’t you come?” Sirius settled closer on the bed, craning over Remus to see his face.

“I’m...I don’t feel well,” Remus murmured, not meeting Sirius’s eyes.

Sirius saw right through his lie. It was in the way Remus bit down on his lip, and if it was at all possible his eyes darkened further into sad, pitiful slits as he stared at the far wall.

“What’s the matter? I know when you aren’t being truthful, Moons.”

His attempts at pushing Sirius away only made him scoot closer, and made that stirring in his gut wrench around like a headless rabbit at the sight of something else. There weren’t just bruises dotting Remus’s cheeks from days before—as if that alone wasn’t enough to worry Sirius sick over—underneath Remus’s eyes were dried tears.

Sirius didn’t rush to ask about the tears just yet. He only watched, and even that was a difficult feat, he hated when Remus was upset . Especially when he had no way to help. Remus was silent, emotions flickering across his eyes as the sunlight streamed across the white sheets in little glowing patches. But soon it was as though the intent to keep Sirius as far from him as possible faded away with some burst of clarity and Remus instead shifted higher up on his pillows to grab Sirius’s eager hands.

His voice wavered, looking Sirius straight in the eyes made his face redden. “Could you stay here, er, with me? I know it’s a lot to ask, but quite frankly, I’m scared to be alone...I haven’t been sleeping well—well, I only truly sleep when I’m with you. But see, last night I...I was—“

Sirius put a free hand to Remus’s lips, and his worried expression softened.

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Moons. Of course I’ll stay.”

Remus sighed in relief and opened his mouth—to say thank you, Sirius assumed—but was interrupted by a rumbling coming from his own stomach. Both boys grinned at this and shared a gentle laugh. Sirius pulled him in for a hug, one that Remus accepted with both hands wrapped around his nightshirt.

“I’ll stay, on one condition: at least let me get you something to eat,” Sirius said against Remus’s hair.

“Just nothing with animal meat...goodness, Sirius, I’ve grown so sick of the taste of...of,” Remus trailed off, that sadness in his eyes returning.

“Don’t worry,” Sirius kissed his forehead, “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Sirius hardly paid much attention to the portrait’s protests as he exited the Gryffindor common room and raced down the steps—minding the gaps and shifting staircases—toward the main hall where the rest of the Hogwarts students were enjoying breakfast.

“Ah! It’s about time you showed up! In your pyjamas, too,” James greeted Sirius with a wave and a cheeky mouthful of bacon. “Where’s your other half?”

Sirius fought the impulse to smile. “Resting. He’s ill, I’m to bring him some breakfast.”

James turned to Lily and Peter—as well as the other Gryffindors who had happened to overhear his boisterous voice—and began to laugh.

“Oh, Moony is sick , you say? That’s why you’re rushing about, just to run back up to his beck and call? Are you sure you’re not just going back to go snog in the common room—“

“ Keep your voice down!” Sirius hissed with a breathy laugh.

James reached over the table to tug on Sirius’s black hair, then slung an arm affectionately around Lily, who rolled her eyes.

Sirius poured Remus’s tea strong, just how he liked it. A dash of cream, no sugar. That was if Remus even wanted tea to begin with. Sirius examined the breakfast banquet before him on the Gryffindor table again, growing more and more anxious over what food Remus might like best. He did say no meat, so the scrambled eggs and strips of bacon were certainly out of the question...Sirius chose a few less burnt slices of toast instead, with a saucer of jam and some chopped fruit to pile onto the fresh plate.

“Are you gonna eat, Sirius?” Peter asked as he watched him add a few more strawberries onto the already filled plate.

In answer to this Sirius slipped some bacon into his mouth and grabbed James’s half-empty mug of coffee before spinning back out of the Great Hall toward Gryffindor Tower, using both hands to carry Remus’s plate and tea.

James leapt from the table, as if to playfully lunge across the rows of students. “ Oy! You come back here with that, Pads!”

Sirius grinned over his shoulder at James and took a swig from the lukewarm coffee. He almost spit it out though, it was much too sugary for his liking.

“It is sweet of him, James. Maybe you’ll do that for me someday,” Lily mused before Sirius disappeared around the corridor and could not hear the rest of their conversation.

With his hands full, he had to use his foot to open the portrait into the common room, resulting in the Fat Lady’s shrieks in disapproval at Sirius’s toes touching the canvas. He muttered his apologies and practically raced up the boy’s staircase to the dormitories, the dishes clattering all the while.

“Sirius?” Remus called in a hushed voice, turning in bed so that Sirius could smile at his drowsy face and the strands of his light brown hair in disarray around the pillows.

Sirius took off his shoes and climbed into Remus’s bed, setting the tray of breakfast food carefully on Remus’s lap.

He took a drink from James’s coffee. “Eat.”

Remus scanned the food before choosing a slice of toast, chewing thoughtfully.

“Did you have any?” Remus gestured to the tray, but Sirius waved him off.

“Moons,” Sirius started with a heavy heart, inching closer until their knees touched. He waited until Remus was done with his toast to touch one of his tired eyelids, his fingers brushing the tear stains. “Why were you crying?”

Remus didn’t flinch. He sat rigid as Sirius moved the tray to the nightstand and planted his other hand to his cheek.

“I couldn’t sleep, I told you,” Remus mumbled, looking into Sirius’s eyes with embarrassment.

“Enough for tears , Moons? You cry over O.W.L. scores, not sleepless nights.”

Remus sighed, his words coming out choppy and full of emotion. “I’ve been having nightmares. About getting stuck as a werewolf, and showing up in places where everyone can see me. They either laugh and point, or cower in fear and use curses on me. I tried hurting you and the others once...I killed innocent animals...I can’t seem to—oh, never mind. That’s about when I woke up and decided to stay awake. But I didn’t want to worry you with it so I just went to my own bed.”

“You know you could have woken me. I’m very good at distracting,” Sirius held Remus’s  face and brushed a thumb along his skin, marred by old wounds.

“You’re more of a distraction than a distractor. Hate to inform you,” The pain in his eyes lifted and Remus was smiling now.

Sirius chuckled. “C’mere then, I’ll distract you some more.”

Remus took the front of Sirius’s nightshirt with both hands as Sirius flipped him over. Like they always did, Remus nestled into a comfortable position on top of him, wrapping his arms around Sirius’s neck while his legs hugged his waist. Sirius pulled the covers over them both and rested his hands in Remus’s hair.

“You can try and rest now, if you’d like,” Sirius whispered.

Remus stared down at Sirius’s contented face with his own tired one. “Not just yet.”

“Moony, one of these days you’ll keel over from exhaustion—“ Sirius said but was cut off by a soft kiss on his lips. His whole body flooded with a smothering heat, and he brought Remus’s face closer to cradle his neck and deepen the kiss.

Remus pulled away and pressed his nose to Sirius’s neck, his eyelashes tickling his skin.

“A goodnight kiss, eh?” Sirius said with a little laugh.

Remus murmured something back, probably a reminder to wake him up at a certain hour or to stop his teasing. Sirius held him against his chest and listened to the pattern of his breathing, looking up at the ceiling as Remus drifted to sleep.

Remus really was right. The boy could only fall asleep when Sirius was with him. And he only let the dark thoughts that plagued him drift away when Sirius was cuddling him close—and kept him tucked safe in his arms.

[twstarchives]

Ruggie Bucchi・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines: Gala Couture Event Card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “The secret to feeling good is eating! As long as you eat, everything’ll be OK!”

Groovy “My studies, huh...? This is what’s gonna put food on my table, so I’m taking them seriously.”

Home Setting “They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, you know?”

Home Transitions “I’m busy cleaning up Leona’s room right now. What? You wanna help? Man, thanks a bunch!”

“Mages who grew up in the slums like me are pretty rare.”

“Are you sure you should be spacing out like that? Time is money, you know.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Do you need somethin’ from me? I’ll listen if you say you’ll treat me to something.”

Home Taps “My uniform? It’s a hand-me-down from Leona. It’s a little big, but I can still wear it so it’s fine.”

“I wouldn’t mind looking after Grim if you ever need me to. How does 1000 madols an hour sound?”

“You’re hungry? If you get some ingredients together, I can whip something up for you.”

“I gotta think about what I’m going to do after I graduate and start working towards that. ‘Cause life is really long.”

“Hm, what’s up? Does Leona want something——Oh, he doesn’t? You scared me for a sec...”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “I’m really good at sports. At least, better than you.”

Groovy “Alright! I think I should show my cool side to the lower grades every once in a while~”

Home Setting “Getting to run around so nimbly really is the best.”

Home Transitions “Move it, move it! We’re in the middle of cleaning out the whole dorm! ‘Cause Leona never cleans this place up himself...”

“I’m considered pretty small in my dorm. But that just means I’ve got a lot of advantages in magift.”

“I’m really confident in my endurance. If I got my eyes on my prey, it’s not gonna escape me!”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Magift has a completely different feel when you see it live. Wanna come watch our practice sometime?”

Home Taps “Ahh, I’m hungry. I’m feeling like a whole pile of sugary donuts to dip in some milk.”

“I really respect Jack for how much physical strength he’s got. But he still has a selfish playing style.”

“Building up your strength is really important to survive a brutal environment.”

“Coach Vargas got angry today? Just compliment him on his muscles and that’ll put him right back in a good mood.”

“Now’s your last chance to enjoy yourself. Let’s hope you don’t lose all hope in everything when Coach Vargas goes and pushes you to your limit though. Shishishi!”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “I don’t care that much about looking professional, but I kinda like these snazzy lab coats.”

Groovy “You’re really clumsy. Here, hand that to me.”

Home Setting “Dirt would really stand out on this kind of white.”

Home Transitions “You should probably stay away from the Botanical Garden. If you irritate Leona during his naptime... Oo, it gives me chills.”

“Ahh, you’re using up so much good lab materials! Man, what a waste...”

“I love alchemy. But I tend to make lots of mistakes if I get too greedy. Hehe.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Aah? I wouldn’t be able to help you with that work even if you asked me.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “You can still eat weeds if you cook them right. Huh, you actually wanna try ‘em? ...You’ve got weird taste.”

Home Taps “Jack grows a lot of cacti in his room. Maybe they could be emergency rations.”

“I can only throw together a meal with what I’ve got to work with, but I guess it’s fine as long as Leona eats it.”

“A lot of the plants they grow in the Botanical Garden could sell for really high prices. ...I don’t mean anything by that; I’m just sayin’. Shishishi!”

“I don’t really get how Riddle just dumps in spoonfuls thinking it’s ‘the right amount’ he needs.”

“Don’t touch me when your hands reek of chemicals! You’re gonna get the smell on me!”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Want me to tell you what was covered on my tests last year? I’d even give you a special friend discount.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “These robes are so fancy. They really do have the feel of this school.”

Groovy “Even I look the part when I’m wearing these, don’t I?”

Home Setting “So? These actually look pretty nice on me, huh?”

Home Transitions “You’re a student at this academy but you don’t even know the history behind it? Gathering intel should always be a priority.”

“Want a keepsake photo of you in your ceremony robes? Just 1000 madols a pic! It’s a great deal!”

“Hah, I’m tired... I can’t help feeling stiff in clothes I’m not used to. How are you doin’ in them?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “This high-quality fabric with gold embroidering, plus these decorations... How much would they all sell for?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “The ceremony today is gonna be in the Mirror Chamber. Shishishi! You look nervous. It’s cute; it’s fitting for a first-year.”

Home Taps “I’m not rich, but I’ll always like this better than being a spoiled brat who doesn’t have a problem in the world.”

“The chance of Leona coming to a ceremony is... about 50/50. But he’ll still come to the entrance and graduation ones.”

“The Headmaster takes really good care of the apple trees that grow on campus. Those apples all look so good.”

“Mages were pretty rare where I grew up. I bet they’d all wanna see what I look like now.”

“You don’t need to rush; we’ve got plenty of time before the ceremony. You’re so impatient.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Your makeup’s all smudged. Alright, guess I’ll fix it for you. ...It’s fine, I’ve done this as a job before.”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “Who stepped into my territory?”

“Oh, wow, what a cute little kitten. Did you come here to be our prey? Shishishi!”

Groovy “I could tell you how to survive at this school if you want.”

Home Setting “I feel like somethin’ fun’s gonna happen today.”

Home Transitions “The deserted feel of the Ramshackle Dorm is kinda nice, but... Savanaclaw is still my favorite.”

“The dorm uniforms really are so easy to move in. They’re not too fancy either; it’s perfect for me.”

“We’re about to have a dorm meeting right now. What, you wanna come check it out? I mean, Leona’s kind of... It depends on how you ask him.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’m heading to the cafeteria with Leona. Wanna come too? Having more people to run errands saves me some.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Sure, I came to this school without a madol in my pocket... but you can always find a way to handle anything as long as you’re alive!”

Home Taps “The strong and the smart are the ones who rise to power in Savanaclaw. I like how it’s an obvious system.”

“This necklace is supposed to represent different parts of nature. Red for the sun, blue for the sky, green for the land... It reminds me of my hometown.”

“It’s important to not let your guard down in the savannah. If you’re not careful... bam! You get killed.”

“Leona works me hard, but I’m always paid the appropriate amount. It’s a give-and-take.”

“You’re really just like a puppy with how playful you are.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “There’s still so much you could do even if you can’t use magic. Want me to give you a lecture on them?”

Duo Magic Ruggie: “Use your head, Jack!” Jack: “Right! Ruggie!”

Birthday Celebration Outfit - SSR

This card was only obtainable during Ruggie’s birthday event (Apr 16 - Apr 22, 2021).

Login on Birthday “Today’s my long-awaited birthday! Course that means you’ve got a present ready for me, right? ...Wait, huh? You actually do? ...Hmm, you were so straightforward, it kinda threw me off... Well, thanks! Hehe.”

Unlock Card “I’m the king today! Is the celebration all ready to go?”

“There’s really no one worth giving presents to as much as me. I’ll be happy with anything I get!”

Groovy “Thanks for celebrating! Can I expect another fancy party next year?”

Home Setting “I’m going to make it loud and clear I’m the star today.”

Home Transitions “Jack was so annoying telling me ‘The birthday boy needs to just kick back and relax!’ It was hard shaking him off.”

“Cake tastes so good and sweet~ But as long as it keeps me filled, I don’t really have anything else to say about it.”

“I can’t believe Silver was so quick to buy me that premium pudding when I asked him for it... I’ll go crying to him next time I’m short on food money.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “The birthday parties at this school are the best! I mean, there’s so much fancy food! I’m going to stuff myself like mad.”

Home Taps “The neighborhood kids always come to visit on my birthday. ...No, not to celebrate; they’re after the food.”

“Jade gave me a high-quality towel that’s so soft to touch... I might change my mind about being okay using it.”

“Lucius showed me somewhere where lots of dandelions grow. He’s a thoughtful cat!”

“This donut pin looks so yummy. But I wish they would’ve gotten some actual ones ready.”

“Hey, I know you just pulled my tail! You’re wrong if you think I’m going to allow that just ‘cause it’s my birthday.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Some people don’t like getting older, but I’m happy about it. Don’t take your birthdays for granted.”

Duo Magic Ruggie: “Sebek, let's hear ya shout it out!” Sebek: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUGGIE!!!”

Tutorial “Delays never bring you anything good. Let’s go.”

Lv Up “Shishishi! This is good.”

“You’re kinda weird, trying to take care of me.”

“I think I’ve gotten stronger!”

Max Lv Up “I feel like I could do anything now. Trying hard every once in a while actually might not be that bad. Hehe.”

Episode Lv Up “You really are such a softie. You might get scammed someday, you know? Well, come talk to me if that happens and I might help you out.”

Magic Lv Up “I always thought my magic would stay sucky my whole life, but... it’s kinda turned out.”

Limit Break “I think my progress is still far from over. Guess I gotta stay around you a little while longer.”

Groovy “See? The skilled ones always survive in this world. You’ve got nothing to lose being around me.”

Select Lesson “There aren’t classes on haggling or anything? This place really is a prestigious mage-training school.”

“You don’t have to get so stressed about it. You take things so seriously.”

“Which one are you gonna do? If it were me I’d pick one that’d be useful for survival.”

Lesson Start “Alright, studytime, studytime!”

Lesson End “Hah... I gotta stay caught up.”

Battle Start “This is my territory!”

Battle End “Looks like I got myself some mouth-watering prey.”

Other

Profile Quote “This world is a survival of the fittest. If you don’t eat when you can, you’re not gonna survive.”

January 2020 Trailer “Even a hyena can become king at this school.”

Countdown Poster “You’ve got some nerve stepping into our territory. Shishishi!”

Login Bonus Greeting “Oh, you made some money! Shishishi! Getting this just by coming to school everyday really is the best, huh? Make sure you don’t forget to come tomorrow either.”

Player Birthday Wish “You’re eating good food, getting all these presents, and everyone’s being so nice to you today. So you don’t really need me to send you birthday wishes on top of that, right? Kidding. Shishishi! I swear! Happy birthday!”

[ireadyabooks]

Books to Read in 2021

It’s a NEW YEAR, everyone! 

We made it through 2020, and whether or not you hit your reading goal this past year, don’t worry! 2021 is a new year for your TBR, and we have an AMAZING line-up of books you should add to your reading list ASAP.

THE LIFE I’M IN 

This story of the power of forgiveness and second chances presents the unflinching story of a young woman trapped in the underworld of human trafficking. In Sharon G. Flake's latest and unflinching novel, we follow Charlese Jones, who, with her raw, blistering voice speaks the truths many girls face, offering insight to some of the causes and conditions that make a bully. Turned out of the only home she has known, Char boards a bus to nowhere where she is lured into the dangerous web of human trafficking.

HOLD BACK THE TIDE

A darkly seductive story of murder, betrayal, love, and family secrets in a small town in the Scottish Highlands. Alva knows that her father killed her mother, but she can’t prove it. The more she investigates though, the more she realizes that the truth can be more monstrous than lies/ And while you might be able to outrun anything that emerges from the dark water, you can never escape your past . . .

MUTED 

Denver is more than ready on the day she and her best friends Dali and Shak sing their way into the orbit of the biggest R&B star in the world, Sean "Mercury" Ellis. Merc gives them everything: parties, perks, wild nights -- plus hours and hours in the recording studio. Even the painful sacrifices and the lies the girls have to tell are all worth it. Until they're not. Denver begins to realize that she's trapped in Merc's world, struggling to hold on to her own voice. As the dream turns into a nightmare, she must make a choice: lose her big break, or get broken.

THE POETRY OF SECRETS

A lyrical portrait of hidden identities and forbidden love set against the harrowing backdrop of the Spanish Inquisition. Isabel’s dreams to pursue poetry and a partner of her own choosing are thrown into jeopardy when the Spanish Inquisition reaches her small town. 

SHURI #2: THE VANISHED 

Shuri, the Princess of Wakanda (and sister to the Black Panther), sets out to save a group of kidnapped girls in this all-new, original novel by New York Times bestselling author Nic Stone!

BRIDGE OF SOULS

Where there are ghosts, Cassidy Blake follows . . .unless it's the other way around? Cass thinks she might have this ghost-hunting thing down. But nothing can prepare Cass for New Orleans, which wears all of its hauntings on its sleeve. And the city's biggest surprise is a foe Cass never expected to face: a servant of Death itself.

FOLLOW YOUR ARROW

When bisexual influencer CeCe breaks up with her girlfriend, Silvie, she’s devastated. But then she starts falling for a new guy who has no idea she’s internet famous...and CeCe wants to keep it that way. But as her secrets catch up to her, she finds herself in the middle of an online storm, where she'll have to confront the blurriness of public vs. private life, and figure out what it really means to speak her truth.   

MIRROR’S EDGE

The danger rises and the deception grows in the heart-stopping third book in the New York Times bestselling Impostors series! Are twins Frey and Rafi on the same side . . . or are they playing to their own agendas? If their father is deposed from Shreve, who will take control? And what other forces may be waiting in the wings?

ZARA HOSSAIN IS HERE

Zara's family has waited years for their visa process to be finalized so that they can officially become US citizens. While dealing with the Islamophobia that she faces at school, Zara has to lay low. But when her tormentor vandalizes her house with racist graffiti, a violent crime puts Zara’s entire future at risk. Now she must pay the ultimate price and choose between fighting to stay in the only place she's ever called home or losing the life she loves and everyone in it.

REMEDY

It's a mystery - why is Cara so sick? It feels like she's been sick all her life . . . but she and her mom have never stayed in one place long enough for doctors to really understand what's happening to her. Now, at fourteen, Cara is tired of being tired, and sick of being sick. Unable to afford the care she needs, Cara's mom starts a Caring for Cara campaign online. The money starts pouring in. But something's not right to Cara. And the harder she looks, the less she understands.

HEARTSTOPPER VOLUME 3

The third volume in the poignant and sweet Heartstopper series, featuring beautiful two-color artwork! Charlie didn't think Nick could ever like him back, but now they're officially boyfriends. Nick has even found the courage to come out to his mom. But coming out isn't something that happens just once, and Nick and Charlie try to figure out when to tell their friends that they're dating. Not being out to their classmates gets even harder during a school trip to Paris. As Nick and Charlie's feelings get more serious, they'll need each other more than ever.

THE BLOCK

In the second book of The Loop trilogy, Luka is trapped in a fate worse than death. But now that he knows the truth about what he and his fellow inmates are being used for, it's more important than ever that he not only escapes, but that he builds an army.

ON THE HOOK

Hector has always minded his own business while he works towards a better life. Until Joey, whose older brother, Chavo, is head of the Discípulos gang, tells Hector that he's going to kill him: maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday. And Hector, frozen with fear, does nothing. From that day forward, Hector's death is hanging over his head every time he leaves the house. But when a fight between Chavo and Hector's brother escalates, Hector is left with no choice but to take a stand. It's up to Hector to choose whether he's going to lose himself to revenge or get back to the hard work of living.

MISTER IMPOSSIBLE

Do the dreamers need the ley lines to save the world . . . or will their actions end up dooming the world? As Ronan, Hennessy, and Bryde try to make dreamers more powerful, the Moderators are closing in, sure that this power will bring about disaster. In the remarkable second book of The Dreamer Trilogy, Maggie Stiefvater pushes her characters to their limits – and shows what happens to them and others when they start to break.

THE GHOSTS WE KEEP 

Everything happens for a reason.At least that's what everyone keeps telling Liam Cooper after his older brother Ethan is killed suddenly in a hit-and-run. Feeling more alone and isolated than ever, Liam has to not only learn to face the world without one of the people he loved the most, but also face the fading relationships of his two best friends in the process. Soon, Liam finds themself spending time with Ethan's best friend, Marcus, who might just be the only person that seems to know exactly what they're going through - for better and for worse.

SIMONE BREAKS ALL THE RULES

Simone is shaking things up by making a bucket list of everything she hasn’t been able to do thanks to her strict Haitian immigrant parents. But as the list takes on a life of its own, things get much more complicated than Simone expected. She'll have to discover which rules are worth breaking, and which might save her from heartbreak.

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

Skylar is ready to show everyone that her latest app is brilliant by winning an academic competition. To do that, she's going to use it to win State at the Scholastic Exposition, the nerdiest academic competition around. But when she falls for one of her team members and things get complicated, is her path to greatness over before it begins?

THE GIRL FROM THE SEA

A graphic novel about family, romance, and first love! Morgan's biggest secret is that she has a lot of secrets, including the one about wanting to kiss another girl. Then one night, Morgan is saved from drowning by a mysterious girl named Keltie. The two become friends and suddenly life on the island doesn't seem so stifling anymore. But Keltie has some secrets of her own. And as the girls start to fall in love, everything they're each trying to hide will find its way to the surface...whether Morgan is ready or not.

RISE TO THE SUN

Three days. Two girls. One life-changing music festival. Toni is reeling in the wake of the loss of her roadie father and desperate to figure out where her life will go from here. Olivia is a hopeless romantic whose heart has just taken a beating (again). When the two collide at the Farmland Music and Arts Festival, it feels like kismet. But when something goes wrong and the festival is sent into a panic, Toni and Olivia find that they need each other, and the music, more than they ever imagined.

YOU & ME AT THE END OF THE WORLD

Hannah Ashton wakes up to silence. The entire city around her is empty, except for one other person: Leo Sterling. Leo might be the hottest boy ever (and not just because he's the only one left), but he's also too charming, too selfish, and too devastating for his own good, let alone Hannah's. Together, they search for answers amid crushing isolation. But while their empty world may appear harmless . . . it's not. Because nothing is quite as it seems, and if Hannah and Leo don't figure out what's going on, they might just be torn apart forever.

IN THE SAME BOAT 

Sadie is ready for the race of a lifetime: The Texas River Odyssey. But then her brother ditches her and she has to pair up with her former best friend, Cully. It's irritating enough that he grew up to be so attractive, but once they're on the river it turns out he's ill-prepared for such a dangerous race. But as the miles pass, the pain of the race builds, they uncover the truth about their feuding families, and Sadie's feelings for Cully begin to shift. Could this race change her life more than she ever could have imagined?

THE GREAT DESTROYERS 

In this alternate-history novel, Jo joins the Pax Games: an Olympics-style competition that pits pilots of mechas against each other. But when fighters start dying in the arena, Jo is drawn into a deadly political plot. In a global arms race between superpowers, playing out in violent games that only humanity could create, comes a chilling story of clashing titans, ruthless competition, freedom, and the girl caught in the middle of it all.

[itsakpopalypse]

ORAGAMI HEART

Im Jaebeom x Reader

1.6K words

Warnings : None? unless pretentious, wordy inner monologs aren't your thing. Cause it's definitely that. Over use of metaphors, and a STRONG aversion to making any kind of sense at all.

Jaebeom's heart, he thought, was like a folded paper crane. The kind you left on your windowsill growing up that he could see from his own across the yard. You used to tell him each fold held a wish of yours that you whispered beneath the stars. You had loads of origami friends, each lined neatly in your room, an army of your hopes and dreams, he had no doubt they'd all come true.

Currently, the folds inside him, full to bursting with wishes and hopes, made him want to hide away or sing ? He couldn't tell but he knew he wasn't ready to tell you.  Not yet, anyway. 

Surely, on your trip you'd come back with priorities very far from his own, taking you to some adventure that wasn't quite so simple. No, because you were never really simple. 

You were spicy cups of cider on the roof outside your room, with matching fuzzy socks and a big shared blanket and "shhhhhh they'll wake up if you keep laughing Jae!"   

You were the feeling of adrenaline right before the drop on a roller coaster, that weightless fearful stomach in your throat  feeling that made your heart feel as high as the sun itself.

You were passion and jumping in puddles well into your twenties and arriving in the house soaked to the bone with a satisfied smile. 

You were moonlit nights and the smell of vanilla and anise. You were home to him,  but you were never home with him, and he feared  his heart would weigh you down. 

So he folded up his feelings, like your paper cranes, and let a wish get whispered into each crease. 

****

Jaebeom was like the very stars, to you,  glittery and out of reach and so, so much more beautiful than they know. 

Coming home meant coming to his side, and that was scarier than any bungie jump you'd ever done. Sure, you were full of spontaneous excitement, but he was the stillness your heart needed to find peace. He was steady and strong, like the undercurrent in an ocean. 

Dangerous, like that too. Because it took barely you dipping your toe in to feel the rush that overwhelmed you, 

 dragging your heart into the depth of his eyes.  

Truthfully, you did half your traveling to avoid the fear you had when you saw him last. Over a year ago in person, when you'd both drank a few bottles of rosé because he isn't tough like he wanted people to think  and you'd asked him what he wanted from life.

Then he'd said "Family. Someday."  He'd said so wistful, so full of certainty that your gut had twisted in pain. He said it like he knew exactly who that would be, like his future was laid out in clearly defined path he knew, but had yet to follow. 

It made you afraid to ask him who, it made you more afraid to guess. You didn't want to know, because you had feared  it wouldn't be you. 

But now, you couldn't avoid him. It was your sister's wedding, and your families were close. He'd be there, as always. It scared you just a bit, to imagine just how handsome he'd be now in person. You kept in touch enough to facetime occasionally, talked nearly daily. You'd seen his hair, pulled back in ponytail, little strands broke free. Part of you wanted to run your fingers through it loosely hanging about his handsome face. 

The various new piercings he had suited him perfectly,  and his once slouchy style had become more refined. Perfectly low maintaince and yet costly for you. 

The price you'd paid for being his closest friend was your heart, and he'd clearly lost the receipt.

He crossed the dance floor towards you,  one hand out as though asking you to jump. 

You were so tired of making excuses for your red cheeks, wondering how he hadn't figured you out long ago.

You were all pictures in black and white, when he was near your world exploded into a kaleidoscope of color, dizzying and free. 

He was the band aids he kept in his back pocket when your riskier stunts failed.  He was the click of tongue against teeth in disapproval when you said something a little too sassy back. 

He was worried brows and dark stormy eyes and protection from failure.  He was the rocks tip tapping against your window on a summer eve, when your tank top clung to your damp skin after  a shower. 

He was secret smiles and shared songs and night drives that let you scream until your voice was raw.

He was fingertips electrifying your skin when he held your hand to pull you back from the edge of misery. 

He was safety and solace and comfort like huge down comforters weighted with nothing but your best interests at heart. He was firey warmth and understanding in bright shining eyes.

He was mischievous and perfect… and you were scared.

As you slid your hand into his and let him lead you close close closer until your bodies were pressed  tight. More an embrace than proper form, and your head felt too heavy with  worry to be held up on your own, letting it fall, resting on his front, tucking into him for the reassuring you needed,  that even after running free he was still waiting for you.

Not as a lover does, but as a part of your life you couldn't be without. 

As you felt one hand too hot against your lower back, the swaying lulled your eyes closed to enjoy the moment,  afraid to pop the bubble of intimate silence. 

"You cut your hair."  He commented,  the rumble beneath his suit deep and low.

"Yours grew."  You replied simply.

He hummed, thoughtful as always.

The hand on your low back was too hot, grasping gently, thumb rubbing  over your spine. You couldn't suppress a chill, instead your breath wooshed out of your lungs.

"Jaebeom!"  your aunt called from nearby, dragging you both from your own planetary spiral.

He lifted his head and eyebrow, smiling gently as he always did. 

"Yes Auntie?"  He asked, moving you towards her, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze as you broke apart from blissful reunion. 

Your aunt was beaming. "I see you've found our wandering child!  Haven't you missed her?"  

Your eyes widened. "Auntie!" 

Jaebeom's ever patient chuckle hit your ears and  calmed you,  the sound so familiar and necessary in your life. 

You felt like you could breathe again.

"She had to do it, or she'd never know she could. Can't tie her down- Y/n deserves to follow her dreams. Missing her is preferable to her missing out on herself."

God, sometimes when he said such things you could imagine a future he wanted but with you. It tightened your chest, because you'd tried to escape this,  leaving distance should have brought clarity but instead within moments your choking on emotion.

They began to chat about his work, and you excused yourself, bodice of your dress too tight,  chest full of desert air too hot and dusty to allow you thought. 

You hovered near the drink table, desperately clinging to a wine stem, drinking several in one go. 

It wouldn't be long until you could forget,  you think,  too overwhelmed with it all.

By the time your body is buzzing from drink, just tipsy enough to brave the crowd again, Jaebeom is already there,  eyebrow lifted as he considered the 4 glasses to your left.

"Don't judge me. Weddings are scary." 

He didn't speak, just took your hand and led you away. 

The night air was fresh and brought you some sense of calm. You spun gently in a circle, your skirt flying out in a circle, enjoying the air and the silence and the humming of life in your veins.

"You were gone a long time. " 

You nodded,  opening your eyes to regard his handsome face. 

"Facetime isn't enough. I like it when you're tangible."  His hands steadied your elbows when you stopped spinning, letting your dizziness fade protected.

Except it didn't fade. Instead the dizziness got more intense,  the world outside yourself and Jaebeom spinning, the stars becoming a blur of white streaks and chaos reigned in your mind.

The roller coaster you loved so felt like child's play in adrenaline highs in comparison to staring into his eyes. Something in them undiscovered made you shudder in excitement, and you made either the biggest mistake or your first right decision, grabbing his lapels and bursting forward, he caught you and registered the shock for just one moment. You had a split second before you lost nerve, you only needed a hint.  

He glanced at your lips, wetting his own and maybe, just maybe  recognition in his hungry gaze. 

He read your mind and you let it go.

"I'm going to." Your voice was quiet, timid in ways you never were. 

"Do."  And that one word sealed your fates as you sealed your lips against his.

Sometimes  a moment feels like eternity in a bubble, trapped under glass for the infinite beings in the universe to ponder.

This moment felt like infinity and insignificance.  The first of uncountable kisses, the last time you could call him just friend. 

Because he responded.  He responded with the vigor of a man who knew only the breath inside your mouth as though he were useless without your touch  as though he felt the weight of your entire future flashing into his  minds eye. 

No moments spared for what ifs, when your foreheads rested against each other his folded origami heart suddenly beat inside your chest too, plenty  payment for the way you'd given yours to him. 

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Helmeted Hunter: Chapter 23

Boba Fett x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Fluffity romanceness

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

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Chapter 23: The Other Buyer

You could've stayed in that moment forever.

Your lips moving along with his, slowly and carefully. Your fingers skimming gently over the folds of the tunic bunched at his neck, finding purchase in his soft curls. His breath tickling your chin as he continued to sigh in satisfaction.

But each kiss seemed to waken you just a little more, stirring your weary spirit and sending pleasant but restless waves through your battered body. You suppose that energy could've led you to turn those kisses into something more; there was certainly a growing warmth in your core that would've welcomed it. But instead, it was your mind that took over. It was pulling forth memories of your stay in the Crimson Dawn cell, and the ideas you'd formed there.

You pulled back from Boba as your mind raced through those ideas again, confirming they still made any sense.

"That bad, huh?"

He was trying to sound playful, but it was clear he really was self-conscious. You imagined he probably didn't have much experience, and you suddenly breaking away didn't exactly help his confidence.

"No," you were quick to say, squeezing your hands slightly along his shoulders. "No, I... I...."

You didn't know where to begin. But you had to start somewhere. After all the things he'd said to you, you had to let him know what you wanted now.

"I can't go back to my old life," you said, putting care behind each word. "But I also can't start a new one. Not yet, not without ending this mess once and for all. I would love nothing more than to run off with you, and maybe we can someday soon, but you have to understand why that's just not possible right now."

If Boba was hurt, he hid it well, keeping his features in their usual, neutral state as you spoke. Since he wasn't giving you a reaction yet, you continued.

"No one is going to simply forget about this bounty on my head. They will keep hunting me, no matter where we go. That's no way to live."

Boba sighed, though not in the satisfied way he had before. He lifted his hands up to wrap around your wrists, moving his calloused fingers along the bandaging while he looked at you with a sad smile.

"Of course I understand," he murmured. "We can keep searching."

You tried to take comfort in the soothing motions of his hands on yours, a sign that he hadn't pulled away or grown upset yet. However, you doubted he'd like what you had to say next. You steadied your nerves with a deep breath.

"We don't need to search, because I know where to go."

His eyebrows raised, curious. "You do?"

You brought your hands down from his shoulders, grasping his own firmly in the space between your laps. "Think about it. Think about how off this whole thing has been, right from the beginning. We've been looking for answers to questions like where and why. But what about how? How is it that these portals are meant to be random, taking random people from random planets at random times... and yet, someone knew exactly when and where I would be going through one, far enough in advance to get you to wait for me."

The words spilled from your mouth, eager to finally be heard. The thoughts had been eating at you while in Crimson Dawn's cell. It felt good, freeing even, to share them with another.

"Right," Boba said flatly. "So this guy planned it. Or just predicted it."

You shook your head. "He isn't the only one with a bounty on my head. They weren't the only ones who knew I was coming."

"The Empire."

No sooner had he breathed the name did you resume your rambling.

"A personal photo of me was hung up on posters in distant planets just days after I went through the portal, by people who now own my planet. That can't be a coincidence. And their price for my capture may not be as high, but it's still significant. Maybe they want me for the same reasons as this other guy. Maybe they were able to predict or plan my trip through the portal, too. At the very least, they know something."

Boba had closed his eyes and was rubbing the bridge of his nose. It occurred to you he was tired as well, and you briefly wondered how long he had gone without sleep while you were apart.

"So..." He opened his eyes but kept them scrunched in thought. "What, are you going to knock on the Emperor's door and ask him what's going on?"

"Yes," you said firmly. Obviously there'd be a better way to do it, but that was beside the point. "If anyone has answers, anyone that we can go to right away without all this clue hunting, it's the Empire."

He grasped your wrists again, holding them up to you. "And you'd risk going through something like this again?"

"I'll do whatever it takes to be done with this."

You meant it. Despite your attention being brought back to your wounds and the dull ache that had settled in them. Despite the spike of energy your mind had given you now fading back into fatigue. Despite all the suffering and confusion and fear you'd just gone through. You really were prepared to go through it all again if it meant you could then be freed from it. If you could finally move on.

Boba was frowning. "Well I can't risk you getting hurt again," he said, revealing just how much guilt he truly had over what'd happened to you. You were touched, but also defeated. If he wasn't willing to help you, or was actually going to stop you....

But then he spoke again, his tone kinder. "So we'll need a plan. Several plans. Nothing gets left to chance. We'll get you answers, but more important is you getting the chance at a new life."

You smiled. "Thank you," you whispered.

"And we'll do it after you rest," he said, getting up from the bunk and starting to clean up the supplies he'd left on the counter. "You need to heal."

Exhaustion was making its way back into your mind and you couldn't agree more. You were also suddenly conscious of the fact you'd soiled the linens on his bed with the filth you'd acquired on your clothes. You'd also need to get clean.

"Deal," you said, standing up yourself. You were about to ask for some things to help you freshen up first, when a vaguely familiar melody reached your ears. It seemed to be coming from above in the cockpit.

"Is that music?" you asked, tilting your head to hear better. As you caught more of the tune, you realized why it was familiar. "My music."

"Oh, yeah." Boba seemed to have forgotten he'd had it playing. You both had been too caught up in your discussion, and intimacy, to have noticed until now. "Your device wasn't broken, it just needed a new power source. So I integrated it with the ship."

You couldn't help but cringe a little as you remembered some of the songs that would surely be on there. "Well please don't judge me. I haven't always had the best taste in music."

He chuckled softly. "There's some... odd songs on there. But they aren't all bad." He paused, also cocking his head slightly. "I like this one. Reminds me of you."

You both had a shy smile, not quite used to sharing such things with each other. But you were glad he was starting to open up more, showing you the little pieces of his heart and soul that he'd kept hidden for so long.

* * *

You managed to clean up well without a shower. You took your time, not wanting to strain yourself from the effort but needing to get as much dirt and blood off you as possible. It seemed like ages ago that'd you last had a shower and you wanted to get that feeling back as best you could. Boba had also given you your old clothes, cleaned and with creases from having been folded for so long. You couldn't fathom when he'd had the time to get them cleaned.

Once you felt satisfied, you emerged from the lavatory to find Boba waiting for you. He wanted to quickly patch up the cut on your cheek before you went off to bed. You let him, leaning against the counter as he worked a few stitches through it, taking the time to admire him. You still considered his features quite ordinary, but there was now a familiarity to them that gave you a different sort of fondness. You realized that while you'd seen him upset and frustrated, and in some cases angry, you'd never seen his face display the kind of rage or cruelty that people like Dryden Vos had. There was always a thoughtfulness to him, a sense of control and awareness.

The songs from your music player had continued to change, the volume low so you were only occasionally aware of it. The one that had just started now brought a small smile to your face - and a quick instruction from Boba to keep still.

"This one sounds like you," you whispered. He hesitated before smirking back, and then repeating that you really needed to be still because he was almost done.

Were you really saying these things to Boba Fett? Feeling these things for him? He wasn't different than when you first knew him, there was simply more to him now. In your current, sleep-deprived state of mind, you were having a hard time wrapping your head around how quickly he'd grown on you. How easy it was for you to look at him with affection. How badly you wanted to test all the ways you could make him blush and smile....

He eventually stopped his work and tried ushering you to bed. You were already drifting off, but a small part of you still wanted to cling to him. It may have been slightly manipulative on your part, but you couldn't help but mumble out don't leave me just to see if he'd lie down with you.

With a resigned huff, he crawled into the bunk next to you, taking up most of the narrow space with his body. But you were already curling into his side, head in the crook of his arm, and a bandaged wrist across his chest. No sooner had you made yourself comfortable did you immediately succumb to sleep, letting yourself drift off to the sound of his heartbeat.

[fantasyoverreality98]

Prince of Shadow

Pairing: Aerin x F! MC

Summary: Aerin reflects on why he chose a path of darkness and receives a visit while imprisoned in the dungeons.

Author’s Note: I’m back at it again with the clownery! Can’t help myself but write about some villains. I will not rest until I get redemption arcs. Anyway, this takes place after the finale of Blades Book 1, and the only warning I have is that it is angst and contains talk of abuse. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it, I really appreciate you.

Word Count: 2,671

-----

Water splashed against the hard stone, the sound echoing in the silent dungeon.

Prince Aerin Valleros sat in the corner, listening to the scurrying rats on the other side of his cell. One ventured closer and withdrew when it felt the dark energy radiating off him. His lips curved up in a smile as he watched the creature disappear into the shadows.

With a sigh, Aerin cast his gaze to the cell door.

“What are you looking at, prince?” the guard sneered.

The prince shook his head and looked away. Two weeks had passed since he woke up in this cell. Only once had his father bothered to visit; first to beg that his precious son come back to him, and then to curse him for killing Baldur. As if his father had ever cared about him.

No, he had never felt loved by his family.

They were weak. Pathetic. Worthless.

All his life, Aerin had been abused by his brother, while his father stood by and watched. Life as a prince meant nothing when he spent every moment wishing that someone, anyone would care for him. Love him.

He’d thought he may have found that in the adventurer. Raine had convinced him that she cared. But like everyone else, she had deceived him and let him down.

And now you are alone.

Foolishly, he briefly allowed himself to believe that she would visit him in the dungeons. Perhaps those feelings were mutual.

But she had never appeared.

“Have you heard word from my father?” Aerin asked, tired of spending his days wondering what came next.

The guard took a moment to respond, and even then, refused to look at the prince. “No. King Arlan has been trying to—”

“And just what do you think you’re doing? Our orders were to watch Prince Aerin. Not engage in a conversation with him.” Another guard sauntered up to the cell, sneering when he glanced at Aerin. “Ignore this traitor.”

Someday, he would make that guard pay for all the mistreatment he had faced in this cell.

Footsteps filled the air, and for a brief moment, hope flared in Aerin’s chest. The excitement vanished when he saw that it was simply another guard. Of course it wasn’t Raine. He was foolish to believe even for a moment it might be.

“But why, Aerin? Why would you do this?”

“What life did I have before? Forever trapped in the shadow of my fool of a brother, doomed to a life of pathetic obscurity? Bullied. Doubted. Mocked. I hated it here. My only reprieve was in my dreams.”

No one understood how it felt to live life as a constant afterthought. Baldur had spent every possible moment torturing him, making him feel insignificant, while their father stood by and encouraged it.

Aerin may regret some of his decisions now that the Dreadlord had been defeated, but he would never regret ending his brother’s life. Baldur got what he deserved. He had been the truly evil one.

“Have you heard word of the heroes?” Aerin’s voice echoed in the cell, and he tried to mask the desperation he felt.

If Raine would appear, just once, he might allow himself to believe that things could change. Despite all that happened, he still wanted her. He wanted to be with her. If she would have him.

“Who said you could speak?” The guard who had arrived last glanced at him with a look of disgust. “King Arlan has been inconsolable these past two weeks. The crown prince’s death has devastated the kingdom.”

Unable to help himself, Aerin snorted. “Of course.” Bitterness wrapped around his heart once more. “Poor, poor Baldur.”

Pain burned throughout his body, the Nerada Stone still fused to his chest. It had grown worse since he awoke here, in this dark cell, his only companions the rats that shrank back in fear whenever they wandered too close.

“How dare you speak his name. You tarnish the good reputation of Morella through your very existence.”

Those words may have hurt once, but Aerin no longer cared. Morella was not a great kingdom. Humans, elves, orcs, they were all weak. Any goodness that may have remained had long been corrupted, and the world didn’t need his help for that to happen.

“Please, do tell me more of how much of a traitor I am.” He was growing tired of this daily routine. It seemed many of the guards felt it necessary to remind Aerin of his sins, as if he wasn’t already aware.

The guards ignored him, chatting amongst themselves while Aerin stared at the wall across from him. It was damp, water gliding down the stones, staining them a dark gray. Outside, the sounds of life raged on.

This was the way things had always been. For as long as he could remember, he had been cast aside. Forgotten. Treated like a foolish child. No one pitied the younger prince.

Resentment bloomed inside his chest.

“Some of the heroes left, but others remain.” The whisper was so low, he believe he may have imagined it.

Aerin looked up, locking eyes with the one guard who often gave him snippets of information. To his surprise, the guard gave him a smile, even if it was a weak one.

Perhaps kindness wasn’t completely lost in this cursed world.

“Do you know who remains?” he whispered back, directing his attention on the two other guards, who were engaged in what appeared to be a heated discussion.

The guard glanced at his companions briefly before turning back to Aerin. “The two siblings, I believe. And the priestess.”

The two siblings. Those were the only three words he needed to hear.

Raine was still here. She had not yet left. Maybe—

“Alright, let’s go! I doubt the little prince can do much anyway. Someone can stand guard nearby.” The rudest of the men walked past the cell, pounding a fist against the bars before he disappeared from sight.

Not much later, the other two followed, leaving Aerin in silence once more.

Tears started to well in his eyes, and he wiped them before they could fall. Crying wouldn’t fix anything. He had failed. The Shadow Court was in pieces. Now, he would spend the rest of whatever life he may have left trapped in this cell.

Alone. Hated. Abandoned.

Memories of his first encounter with Raine and her friends in the Deadwood haunted him. He remembered their first kiss. In those fleeting moments, he had allowed himself to believe that people might value him more than Baldur. For the first time in his life, he had been shown kindness.

---

Everything about the situation felt like magic. The air came alive, and Aerin could forget for a moment about the pain that burned throughout his body when Raine looked at him.

She gave his hands a tight squeeze, shifting closer until her lips brushed against his.

Wow. He was sure he said something without realizing it, a flicker of joy igniting deep within as she kissed him again. Aerin never wanted it to end.

When Raine said that she was glad they understood each other, even more hope worked its way into his heart. Perhaps he was not as alone as he had thought. Perhaps someone truly could understand him. The thoughts stayed with him until they parted ways. Then, the pain returned.

Do not forget the objective. The words hissed inside his mind, and he glanced back at Raine’s tent, narrowing his eyes.

How was it that this young woman could cast doubt on him?

“Growing quite fond of the peasant, are you, pipsqueak?” Baldur’s voice induced rage that Aerin had to try his best to ignore. “Can’t say it surprises me. Of course you would associate with those scum.”

Aerin tried to walk away, but Baldur grabbed him by the back of his tunic and yanked him backward.

“When your future king speaks to you, you are expected to answer. Or shall we visit the good old days, brother?” Baldur stared into his eyes, malice reflected in them.

One day, Aerin would make Baldur pay. But today was not that day.

He tried not to retaliate when his brother shoved him so hard, he fell to the ground. Ever since childhood, things had always been this way. And no one cared.

No one cared that the younger prince was bullied by the crown prince. King Arlan even encouraged Baldur at times, brushing the abuse off as child’s play. No one could see him for what he truly was. A coward. An imbecile. A fool.

“They saved our lives,” Aerin said, brushing the dirt off his tunic as he rose to his feet. “How else should I treat them?”

Baldur started to approach, his face twisted into a sneer. “Just you wait until we return home. I—”

“Is there a problem here?”

Both princes turned their heads in the direction of the voice. The orc watched them, a scowl on her face when she looked at Baldur.

“N-no—” His brother fumbled over his words, his eyes wide.

Aerin hid a smirk when Baldur scurried away, the terror giving him amusement. “Thank you,” he said to Imtura, who grunted in response and focused her attention elsewhere.

Once he was alone, the smile dropped, and he leaned against a tree, trying to steady his breathing. The Stone fused to his chest caused constant pain. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it would not go away.

But it was a price he was willing to pay to become the King of Shadow.

The Dreadlord was his one friend. Before this, Aerin had no purpose. He’d been little more than his older brother’s punching bag, forever ignored by the rest of the court.

Soon enough, he would have all he needed. The shards would help him to return the Shadow Court to glory. Finally, people would bow to him. He would no longer live in his brother’s shadow, forced to endure endless torment and abuse.

His time was coming.

---

The people above ground continued going on with their lives while Aerin sat in darkness.

Time lost all meaning in the dungeons. Sunlight could no longer reach him here.

“You have a visitor.”

Aerin looked up at the sound of the guard’s voice, trying to conceal the surprise he felt at that statement. “Who?”

Without answering the question, the guard craned his neck back and called out down the dark hallway. “He’s ready to see you!”

“What? You didn’t answer my question! I—” Aerin paused mid-sentence when a familiar figure emerged from the shadows, her lips set in a hard line. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling, speaking her name in a breathy tone. “Raine.”

Her hair was in its usual low bun, parted down the middle. The last signs of her injuries from the fight were fading, the bruises just visible in the dim lighting.

“Aerin.” For a moment, emotion flickered across her face, but she composed herself so fast he may have imagined it. “How are you?”

He grinned, looking around the cell. “Well, I’m alive. How are you?”

“Listen, I—” There it was again. The conflict. Raine cleared her throat, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “It is not too late to change. The Dreadlord is gone. You don’t have to worry about your brother anymore. We—”

“You have five minutes. That is all we can give you.” Aerin focused his attention on the guard, sending him a glare that was enough to make the man retreat. “Ten minutes,” he said as he hurried down the hallway.

As soon as they were alone, he looked at Raine again. “You lied to me. You said you’d still have me, even as I am. And you lied.”

She uncrossed her arms, and the stony expression fell away. “I didn’t lie. Aerin, I do care about you. That moment we shared in the forest was real. But what you were doing was wrong. We couldn’t let you win.”

“You’re just like the rest of them. No one understands me.” He turned away, regretting that he had spent the past two weeks awaiting her visit.

Raine watched him without speaking a word. The water continued to drip onto the stone floor, creating a quiet melody.

“I know that the Aerin I fell for is still in there.”

The words made him inhale sharply, and he turned to look at her. Had they crossed paths sooner, perhaps everything would be different.

She made him forget about his terrible childhood, of the abuse he’d faced at the hands of Baldur. Only Raine had shown him true affection. She almost made him want to believe in the Light. That things could get better, if only he had the courage to fight off the fragments of corruption and evil that were intertwined with his soul.

“That Aerin wasn’t real. I stopped believing in the goodness of the world a long time ago.” He wanted her to leave. To let him live out what little time he had left in silence.

Raine stepped closer, wrapping her hands around the cell bars. “Your father sent me here to try and talk some sense into you. He told me that none of what happened was your fault, that the Onyx Shard—”

“Do you have any idea how it felt to spend my entire childhood beaten by my brother as my father stood by and did nothing?” Aerin refused to look her in the eye. “All I ever dreamt about was having someone who loved me. I found that in the Dreadlord. He promised me power. He told me that I would no longer be weak, that I could find a family who cared about me when the people of Morella did not. How could you possibly understand how that feels?”

“I—” Raine shook her head, chewing on her bottom lip as she searched for the words to say. She remained just outside the cell, watching him. After some time had passed, she opened her mouth to answer. “I don’t understand how that feels, you’re right. But you’re wrong when you say no one loves you. Or that the Shadow Court was a family that cared about you. I’m here to help you. You don’t have to live in fear anymore.”

They both tensed when footsteps pounded on the stone toward them. Raine turned to look, frowning as the guard approached.

He spared Aerin a quick glance before returning his attention to Raine. “Time’s up. Let’s get you out of here.”

“Wait! Just—hey!” The guard grabbed her by the arm and started to drag her away, but she elbowed him in the side, flinging herself against the cell door. “Aerin, I believe in you, okay? I know that—”

The guard grabbed her again, and she once more fought him off.

“I’ll come back to see you again. You aren’t alone. I—”

This time, the guard grabbed her around the waist and heaved her back. Raine tried to fight him some more, but he called for backup. Together, three guards dragged her away from the cell, all the while she continued to yell promises.

“I’ll return!” Her final words echoed throughout the dungeon, followed by the sounds of a struggle as the guards carried her off.

Once silence rushed back in, Aerin struggled to his feet, crossing the cell to the door. He peeked outside, unsurprised to see the dungeon empty. If he listened close enough, he thought he might hear the sounds of a continuing fight overhead.

You aren’t alone.

It was too good to be true. Part of him didn’t believe her words. And yet, he wanted to take consolation in that statement. Perhaps Raine really did mean it when she said she cared.

Aerin shook his head and started to laugh. His laughter rang out in the cell, and for the first time in years, he felt hopeful.

[tiaragqueen]

Au Revoir

✂ Pairing: Yandere! Kirishima Eijirou x Reader

✂ Word Count: 1,8k+

✂ Trigger Warnings: Possessiveness, strangulation, implied stalking

[Edited]

***

A sequel to this that nobody asked but I did, anyway. Probably more dramatic than the first one. Quarantine really set off my hidden drama queen side.

If you like my writing, please support me on ko-fi!

“Let this be a sermon, I mean everything I've said. Baby, I'm determined, and I'd rather see you dead. You better run for your life if you can, little girl.” - Run For Your Life [The Beatles]

Kirishima didn’t think he could love someone as much as he did to you. Sure, he was fond of his ex. There were times when he gazed through the window and wondered if she missed him the same way he longed for her presence if his death left an empty spot in her heart that just seemed impossible to replace by anyone else. But time had slowly altered the nature of his romantic feelings into something more… subtle. Mild. Bearable.

Ever since you came to the picture, Mina had eventually blended into the background. Someone who he occasionally reminisced, but never thought about much.

Was this what ‘moving on’ felt like? It sounded so… cruel. Like he was trying to forget her, but he didn’t. He wasn’t that heartless, he swore! He cherished every memory with her and sometimes wondered if things could’ve gone differently.

But people come and go, don’t they? Nobody lived forever, and if his ex had found a much better life, why shouldn’t he? There was nothing wrong with being happy with a new person, right? If Mina came here and brought her new boyfriend, Kirishima was certain he’d congratulate her. It’d hurt, sure, even the idea still sent a dull ache that throbbed his inert chest. But, at least, it was better than seeing her grieved face.

She deserved all happiness in this world. Though, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was just making excuses for his feelings. That he wasn’t actually moving on, more like, rebounding.

Still, nobody could blame him. He’d been lonely for so long, constantly praying and regretting the past. It was time for him to find happiness, and the Gods just so happened to bless him with a new friend. A beautiful, kind young woman that he never got tired of watching even in her slumber.

Again, nobody could blame him for wanting to grasp that blessing forever, right? He was sure that your existence was actually a fruit of his sufferings.

However, you seemed to think otherwise.

“I’m gonna house-sit to my friend’s house tomorrow.”

Kirishima paused, his hand hovered over the clean plate that he’d been helping you to put away. It took much of his stamina to maintain a corporeal appearance, so he settled with his normal transparent figure. So if anyone were to see you, they would’ve thought that you were talking to yourself. The sheer insanity didn’t bother you, though. As long as he minded your boundaries, you could care less if you looked like a madwoman.

Unbeknownst to you, he’d long overstepped the lines. Not that you would’ve known.

“… Why?” The voice echoed in the quiet kitchen, hanging heavily the same way he clung to your presence as if it was his lifeline.

You shrugged. “Why not? She pays me, so I don’t see any reason why I should reject the offer.”

“But I thought…” He nearly choked on his saliva once he discerned your definite tone. “[Name]-chan, you’re not serious, are you? You’re just joking, right? Tell me you are, please.”

You raised a brow, silently questioning his growing desperation. Throughout the weeks you’d come to know him, Kirishima was an affable individual who was hell-bent on assisting even when you insisted otherwise. You didn’t know the full story of how he became a ghost in the first place; he looked uncomfortable when you asked about his past life, so you promised to never bring it up again. But you did know that he’d been living in this humble, suburban house for a long time. Alone. Trapped. Isolated.

So, as confusing as his distress might seem, you understood that he was lonely. For all you knew, you might be his first friend in so many years.

“No, of course not.” But your job only paid so much. There were things that you had to fix, and your savings were thinning in each day. Thus, the extra cent became something that you very much needed. You were lucky that you purchased the house at a low price, otherwise, you would’ve been sleeping on the street by now.

You chose to overlook its vague description when you asked the seller about why the place was abandoned, and how she looked mildly restless at the question.

The plate almost fell from your hands when he suddenly clutched the sleeves of your shirt. You couldn’t see his face, but you were certain that he was pleading at you.

“No, please, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone.” he sobbed, gripping the cloth as though you’d disappear from his sight if he didn’t. “I’ll do anything for you. Just please, don’t abandon me.”

“What? No, I won’t abandon you. Don’t be ridiculous.” You bit your tongue once you heard his soft whimper. “I-I mean, you’re my friend and this is my house. So there’s no way I’d move out just like that.”

“How would I know?” he asked. “How would I know that you wouldn’t change your mind and choose to live in there instead? How would I know that you still want to be with me?”

“Because, as I said, you’re my friend.” You crouched in front of him and patted what you thought was his head. You hoped it was his head. “And friends don’t abandon each other.”

Kirishima examined your face; all the freckles, acne, and tiny scars that adorned your mesmerizing features. All the sparks that brightened your eyes the same way the stars lit up the universe. You were being earnest, he realized it that much. The way you correctly stroked his hair, the way you looked into his bloodshot eyes so tenderly (almost like a lover would), the way you lowered your tone to a soothing whisper, and the way you smiled to appease his raging anxieties. There wasn’t any trace of insincerity in there, and that was why it hurt.

It hurt because he no longer wanted to be your friend. He didn’t want to be just a housemate to you. He wanted to be something more. Someone special. Someone who you’d remember fondly on your deathbed. Someone who would walk with you through all the events – big or small, important or not, it didn’t matter – despite the knowledge that you couldn’t marry him.

But you didn’t know it, did you? And if he told you someday, would you listen? Would you accept his offer for eternal friendship? Would you accept his dogged devotion towards you?

Would you care to know?

You patted his head for one last time and retired to your room, but he couldn’t hear it. He merely stood by the dishwasher, looking at nothing in particular. He didn’t want to entertain the thought of you going to some stranger’s house tomorrow. He didn’t want to imagine what would you do in there, while he waited for your return like a faithful dog. But it almost felt as if the idea was as inevitable as time itself, and nothing he did could change that.

Surely, there must be a way, right? You’d get angry for sure, but you’d understand his reason. You had to. He refused to think otherwise.

***

That was odd. Kirishima usually appeared the second you hollered his name, sometimes even when you barely opened your mouth. But today, he didn’t heed your summon. Perhaps, he was still sulking about yesterday? At the very least, he could’ve come to bid you farewell, right?

Whatever. If he didn’t want to see you, then you wouldn’t force him. And whether or not he wanted you to go, you’d still go nonetheless. The money wouldn’t wait for him to relent to your wishes.

Climbing into your car, you pulled the door shut and turned on the engine. Or tried to, because it refused to turn on for some unknown reasons. You tried again and again, but the engine remained immobile. How strange, you could’ve sworn that it was fine yesterday. Why was it any different now? Did someone mess with your car without your knowledge? You hadn’t spotted anyone suspicious, though.

You clicked your tongue and hit the steer wheel in frustration, resting your head against the headrest. The day hadn’t even started, and yet, you already felt like blowing off some steam. Your tired eyes glided towards the glove compartment, where a piece of paper stuck out inconspicuously. Curious, you undid the compartment and snatched the folded paper. You tentatively opened it and peeked inside, mentally chiding yourself for anticipating the worst. It could be a useless brochure that you’d accidentally brought, for all you knew. There was no reason to get suspicious, right?

Mine forever.

Frowning, you reread it and attempted to comprehend the hidden meaning. Aside from the scrawl, you couldn’t discover anything that might lead you to the sender. A secret admirer, perhaps? If they did, they sure were quite… aggressive. But why would anyone send you this? Who would admire you so much to the point where they broke into your car? You couldn’t think of anyone that had a crush on you, or maybe it was just you being oblivious to your surroundings. The constant pressure from work helped to dull your perception of special sentiments.

Well, you had no time to further inspect the awfully cryptic message. Time kept ticking, after all.

Shaking your head, you put the letter back to the compartment and locked it. You glanced at the rearview mirror to check your makeup, and that’s where you saw it. A shadow sat ominously on the back seats, its crimson eyes glaring daggers to your head. But it wasn’t the abrupt presence that shocked you, rather, the identity of the said shadow.

“Mine forever.”

A pair of hands slithered from behind you and clutched your neck. You tensed up almost immediately and gasped for air, trying to claw the transparent hands away but scratched your skin instead. You could still discern half of his face through the mirror, lacking any cheerfulness that you’d come to associate with him. Years of solitude had molded him into a desperate man, hell-bent on clutching the only light left in his dark and empty life.

But you didn’t expect him to actually murder you.

“Kiri… shima…” you heaved, desperate to knock some sense into his head yet incapable of doing that. It felt as if a part of his shadow had clogged your nose, too. How long would it take until it successfully closed your respiration?

“I’m sorry, [Name].” You heard him whisper in your ears. He felt so close, yet so far. Specks of darkness slowly filled your sight as you struggled to breathe for the last time. Was this how you were going to end? How disappointing it was to perish at the hands of a man you used to trust. Maybe this was the punishment for not listening to your guts. Maybe this was the punishment for heeding security more than your life.

Maybe this was the punishment for giving him false hope with your friendship. But how would you know?

“… I'll see you soon.”

You finally went limp.

[ill-go-with-that-then]

Another Soulmate AU because I guess that’s who I am now

Aizawa grows up hearing from every reliable source that someday he’s going to meet his soulmate - the perfect person for him, someone who will understand him completely, be perfect for him, etc etc. It’s supposed to be a happy thought, but it’s really not - Shouta had a difficult home life, anyone who can understand that perfectly is going to be as messed up as him. And Shouta doesn’t know if he’s in a good enough place himself to help. He wants to focus on becoming a hero, on getting out of his shitty home and not looking back. Hizashi Yamada is the name on his wrist, and whoever that is, Shouta is scared of the responsibility he has to him. 

So Shouta starts working twice as hard, three times as hard. He was already planning to save himself, he can save his soulmate too. That’s fine. He works hard in school, he gets into UA, he fights his way into the hero course. 

Where he meets Hizashi Yamada, and all his plans and assumptions shake apart. This is his soulmate? This is the person who’s supposed to understand Shouta, this smiling, friendly genius who makes everything seem so effortless? How can he possibly understand anything? What has he ever worked for? Who’s ever told him he can’t do something? Even now, after a lifetime of work, Shouta is still behind the other students, physically and academically. But Yamada is at the top of the class, he takes down his classmates with ease during quirk training, and he still has time to chat about his friends and hobbies. His future is bright. He couldn’t be more different from Shouta. This is clearly some kind of cosmic joke.

Yamada is, of course, thrilled to meet his soulmate. He’s nothing but excitement, wanting to learn everything about Shouta on the first day, offering to meet up after school to train or study or just ‘hang out.’ He talks about how great it is that they’re both going to be heroes, as if that weren’t far from guaranteed in Shouta’s case. Shouta learns Yamada speaks English fluently and is learning Mandarin, that he plays three instruments and has his own podcast, that he has an internship lined up at a radio station, because he wants to be a DJ as well as a hero.

How can Shouta tell him about himself? How his own dad goes weeks without speaking to him, how every adult in his life has told him that with a quirk like his, he’s not going to make it as a hero. How his grades are middling because half the time when he gets home he’s too exhausted to study. He looks into Yamada’s beautiful smiling eyes and knows he’s going to drag this boy down like an anchor. That somehow, some way, this has all gone wrong, and it’s probably Shouta’s fault like everything else. 

“This isn’t right,” he says abruptly, in the middle of Yamada’s story about his summer abroad. 

Yamada pauses mid-sentence, brows furrowed. “Do you not like your drink?”

“It’s fine,” Shouta shoves away the overpriced coffee Yamada had bought him on the latest of their outings. “But this-” he gestures between himself and Yamada. “This is a mistake.”

Yamada blinks. “Your name is on my arm,” he says slowly, like he’s trying to understand. “My name is on your arm. That’s a pretty big coincidence.”

“It must be,” Shouta tries hard to keep his voice even, calm. Certain. He doesn’t want to string Yamada along. “Or the universe was wrong.”

“Oh.” Is the only thing Yamada says. The friendly light is gone from his eyes, replaced by blankness, and Shouta hates it, but knows this was inevitable. Better now than in the future, when he’s made things even worse. 

“We’re not soulmates,” he says as he stands up, wanting to be completely clear. “I’m sorry.”

He leaves without letting Yamada get another word in. He doesn’t want to hear any arguments - this was hard enough. The latest in a long line of cruelties from the universe,  a perfect soulmate dangled in front of him as if it could actually be his. He doesn’t sleep that night. It’s hard for him to cry, but a few tears manage to escape, and it makes him even angrier. He should be used to disappointments like this. He’s an idiot to have hoped for something different. 

He slinks into class the next morning, praying Yamada won’t say anything to him. His hopes are dashed immediately as Yamada stands before his desk, expectantly. “I didn’t change my mind,” Shouta says, tiredly. 

“I know,” Yamada says. Shouta doesn’t think he’s ever heard him sound that subdued. “And I - I understand.” Good. Shouta hoped Yamada would get it, would see that they’re just too different, that he could do so much better. “But I’d like to still be friends. Even if you don’t want to be soulmates.”

Shouta opens his mouth to correct him. It’s not that he doesn’t want to - who wouldn’t want to be Yamada’s soulmate? Yamada is bright and beautiful and warm, admirable in every way. If Shouta really was his soulmate, he’d be over the moon. But he gets stuck on Yamada’s request. “You want to be friends?” Yamada nods, and Shouta considers. He can’t see the harm in it, aside from the inevitable pain he’ll feel when Yamada wises up and realizes that Shouta brings nothing to the table here. But that’s bearable, surely, a fair price for getting to stay in Yamada’s orbit, to spend time with him once in a while. It will hurt when Yamada moves on, but everything worthwhile Shouta’s ever had has hurt. “Okay.”

Yamada smiles, nothing like the big grins he usually flashes at Shouta, but an improvement over the solemn look he’s been wearing since yesterday, and Shouta can’t help echoing it, just a little. 

Being Yamada’s friend is unlike anything Shouta has experienced before. Yamada - Hizashi - is thoughtful and kind, always looking for ways to make Shouta’s life easier and more fun. At his insistence, they visit arcades and cat cafes, they study together for exams and train together after school. It’s good practice for Shouta, working against an opponent with a powerful quirk, and Hizashi seems to appreciate the opportunity to refine his technique. Shouta starts spending most days at Hizashi’s, and a lot of nights too, and it’s so different, not spending all his free time alone in an empty house. Some afternoons he falls into a nap while Hizashi practices his guitar, and it’s the most at peace he’s ever been. 

Sometimes people ask Hizashi if he’s found his soulmate, and the first few times he glanced at Shouta out of the corner of his eye before shaking his head. But as time goes on his answer comes quicker and more firmly, that he hasn’t, but it’s no big deal. It hurts, though Shouta doesn’t know quite why. They’re not soulmates, Shouta knows that, would say so himself if he were asked. But hearing it makes Shouta’s chest burn, puts him out of sorts for the rest of the day, even though it’s irrational and unfair. 

He thinks it will get easier as they get older, but it doesn’t. They move in together after graduation - it’s only logical, when they get along so well - and Shouta can’t imagine life without Hizashi. In his darkest moments, he wonders what it would have been like if he hadn’t told Hizashi the truth, if he’d simply carried on as if they were soulmates. Would they still get along so well? Would they be even closer, would Hizashi let Shouta kiss him in the mornings, when his eyes were half-shut with tiredness and his hair still messy with sleep? Or would it be obvious something was wrong, that Shouta was a jagged, misfit puzzle-piece? Would the wrongness of it have driven Hizashi away, would Shouta be more alone than ever? 

Years go by, and slowly, Shouta stops waiting for Hizashi to drop him. He was an idiot to think that, he realizes now. Hizashi isn’t that type of person. He’s too kind for that, too loyal, and every day Shouta gets some new reminder of how important he is too Hizashi. Hizashi makes him real meals to eat, finishes his paperwork half the time when Shouta is so tired he can’t read the pages, and when Shouta just can’t face going out, Hizashi will run interference for him with their friends, cancelling their plans and setting up a quiet evening at home with takeout and a movie. He seems to have a sixth sense for what Shouta needs, and never begrudges him anything.

Shouta tries to do the same for Hizashi, as best he can. He’s learned a lot about his friend over the years, things he never would have imagined when they first met. Like how Hizashi’s happy home life was a relatively new thing for him, that before he started at UA he’d been passed from home to home, returned by otherwise well-meaning parents when his quirk became too unmanageable. Hizashi calls his foster mother every Saturday, and after they talk he always smiles at Shouta and says “Guess she didn’t forget about me yet.” And it’s a joke but it also isn’t, and that’s Shouta’s cue to make him his favorite tea and put on that awful singing show he likes. 

He also learns that even though Hizashi makes it all look easy, he works harder than anyone else Shouta knows. He’s up every day before the sun, working on his radio show or filling out police reports, cleaning or repairing his hero gear, getting his chores done. And he falls into bed well into the night, after a long day of patrol and radio work and practicing and training. Sometimes Shouta has to lay across Hizashi’s lap just to pin him to the couch for a few extra minutes. He doesn’t mind, it always makes Hizashi laugh. 

Hizashi gets asked about his soulmate a lot now, almost every day it seems like, either on the radio or when he’s being interviewed or by his fans. He doesn’t even blink before answering, distracting his audience with a wide grin as he tells them no, he hasn’t met his soulmate yet, as if Shouta weren’t listening, as if that brief window of might have been had never happened. Shouta doesn’t know if he thinks about it, if he ever looks up the other Shouta Aizawas to see if one of them is his real match. (There are 34 in Japan, 7 are the right age for Hizashi, and exactly 0 are good enough, in Shouta’s personal opinion.) Shouta wishes Hizashi would tell them yes, that he has met his soulmate, if only so that they’d stop asking and Shouta wouldn’t have to listen to Hizashi say no again and again and again.

“Why don’t you lie,” Shouta asks one night, while they’re making dinner and listening to Hizashi’s latest interview.

“Hmm?” Hizashi doesn’t look up from the vegetables he’s chopping. 

“About your soulmate. It must get annoying that people keep asking whether or not you’ve met them. If you said you had, they’d stop. So why not lie?”

“I do lie,” Hizashi says calmly, sliding the diced carrots into the pot.

“What?” Shouta says, tone and mind completely blank. 

Hizashi sighs. He puts the cutting board down, wipes the knife with a dishcloth before laying it safely on the counter. “Let’s not talk about it, all right?”

“I want to talk about it,” Shouta says instantly, even if he isn’t quite sure that’s true. Hizashi has met his soulmate? When? Whey didn’t he tell him? Why aren’t they together? Why is Hizashi still here, with him. Why why why-

“Why?” Hizashi asks. “I’ve - you made yourself clear, years ago, and I’ve tried really hard to be respectful of that. Your friendship means so much to me - it’s enough, really. I know you don’t want to be soulmates, and that’s fine. And it’s kind of you to try to spare my feelings. But you really don’t have to pretend this is some random coincidence, or whatever. I’m an adult and I can handle the truth.”

“The truth?” Shouta asks, because he genuinely has no idea what Hizashi is saying. 

Hizashi presses his lips together, clearly frustrated that Shouta is making him say it. “That you want us not to be soulmates. I tell people I haven’t met my soulmate yet because that’s what you want. Can we go back to just never talking about this please?”

“You think we’re soulmates?” Shouta says, dumbly. He doesn’t mean to say it. He doesn’t know what he means to say, his thoughts feel too heavy to sort through.

“Dammit!” Hizashi slams the wooden spoon he’d been stirring with against the counter. He turns towards Shouta, shoving his sleeve messily up to his elbow. “Look!” He says, pointing to the mark on his arm. “That is your name! You expect me to believe that’s some coincidence? That you’re not the first one I want to see in the morning, and the last person I want to see at night? When you’re the only one who can cheer me up when I’m sad, or calm me down when I’m anxious? Last year, when I got my big promotion, all I could fucking think was how I couldn’t wait to tell you, how I hoped you’d be proud of me. I’ve loved you since I was fifteen fucking years old, Shouta! And I get that I’m not what you wanted and I’m sorry for that, but let’s not fucking pretend, all right?”

“You’re… not what I wanted?” Shouta echoes, too stunned to do anything else.

“I know,” Hizashi leans tiredly against the counter. “It wasn’t a shock, you know. I was used to people not staying. It meant a lot to me that you were willing to try to be friends. It still does. I’m not going to make it weird, we didn’t open Pandora’s box just now or anything. Nothing’s gonna change. But it’s easier for me if we don’t talk about it, okay?”

“No,” Shouta says instantly. He’s not sure what’s going on, what else to say, how everything has changed so much in just a few minutes, but he knows that what happens next matters. “This is a mistake.”

Hizashi flinches, apparently those words still sting. “Shouta-”

“My mistake,” Shouta corrects. “I - you should never have thought that. That you weren’t what I wanted. That’s not what I meant at all. You’re - you’re perfect. You were perfect. And I’m just - me and it had to be a mistake, do you understand? I don’t get perfect things. It had to be a mistake.”

“You,” Hizashi swallows. “You thought I was perfect? Back then? Not… not annoying or too loud?”

 Shouta shakes his head. “Not annoying or loud. You were perfect. You’re still perfect.”

There’s a long moment of silence. Shouta has no idea what Hizashi is going to say next, if he’ll be angry Shouta put him through years of self-doubt, if he’ll be sad, if he even still wants to be soulmates. His hands are trembling, he wishes he had his scarf to hide in, that Hizashi would just say something and end his suffering. 

“You deserve perfect things,” is what Hizashi finally says, in the end. He sounds hesitant, but not uncertain. Shouta reaches for him, half-expecting Hizashi to shatter apart like everything he touches, but Hizashi’s arm is warm and solid under his hand. Steady. “Nothing has to change.” Hizashi’s voice wavers on his promise, like he’s trying to stay calm for Shouta’s sake. 

But Shouta doesn’t need that, has never needed Hizashi to be anything but entirely himself. “Can it though?”

He’s prepared for hesitation. He’s prepared for a kind no or, at most, a wary, conditional yes. He is not prepared for Hizashi’s arms to wrap around him, to feel Hizashi sigh against his neck like he’s finally able to rest after a long, long day. “Whatever you want,” Hizashi murmurs. 

Slowly, slowly, Shouta brings his arms up to return the embrace. Hizashi feels so right in his arms, perfect as always, and Shouta trembles at the thought of being able to hold him like this for as long as he wants. Hizashi leans into him, but that’s all right, Shouta is steady enough for the both of them, can prop Hizashi up if he needs it. He understands now, that’s what they’ve been doing for each other all along. 

[renee-writer]

Songs of An Outlander Chapter 6 My Name Is..

“I thought you were a Mctavish?” He hears her question and his heart sinks. He had forgot with all that was going on to tell her who he really is. Would she lose her trust in him? He looks to her abd starts to answer. But his da already is.

“It will all be explained lass. Let's get you and the wee lad in and let you get a bit of rest. We will then sit and explain my son's use of a name not his own.”

“Alright.” Fergus starts to fuss. “He is tired and needs a nap.”

“Aye. We will get him laid down then have a talk.”

They are in France, a day's carriage ride away from Paris. They have rented rooms so Jamie, Claire, and the lad can rest before the next step of their journey.

The room they lead her to is quite nice. The baby is laid in the center of the large bed. He is soundly sleeping so Claire goes to join the others. She finds them in a great room in front of the fireplace.

“Come Claire. Join us.” Jarrod says. His accent is an intriguing mix of Scottish and French. She does, sitting across from Jamie and his father. Murtagh was staying on the ship until they are ready to leave for Paris.

“Claire, I am sorry for the deception. I~ well you have seen the scars on my back and ken how thry came to be there. What you don't know is that I've a price on my head. I dinna do what I am accused of but..”

“Most of the inhabitants of the castle could be trusted but not all. So the non de plum.” Brian adds.

“I had to protect my da. It is assumed by the Redcoats he died at Fort William. He was there charged with Treason as a suspected Jacobite.”

“It be true lass that Jarrod and I would prefer a Catholic King on the throne but we wouldn’t go against the ruling king to achieve that goal.”

“But Black Jack would take any opportunity to punish the Scottish people anyway he can. So, I saw my da released from there. In the process, a Redcoat was killed. We were blamed but as they thought da dead, it fell on me. I was picked up for cattle thief, a crime I was guilty of. I was helping my uncles. It resulted in my scars. I was liberated. That is when I started using the name McTavish.”

“You are Jamie no matter your last name. You are the man who has helped my son and I the last three months.” She is on the verge of tears and realizes how tired she is. Brian comes to the same conclusion.

“Off to bed with ye lass. You have been taken such good care of my son and yours, you need some real rest.”

“I do. Thank you for explaining and everything.” Jamie escorts her upstairs.

“We are alright?” he still anxious. She smiles.

“We are.” She kisses his cheek. “You are a good son. Go spend time with your dad. I will see you in a bit.”

“Aye, I promise Claire, I will let no more lies be between us. There is always room for secrets but no lies. Not when there is to be trust between two people.”

“Agree Jamie.” She watches him walk away with a sigh. She is keeping a big secret. It will have to be told.

They eat a few hours later. Claire carries Fergus downstairs. He had wakened at the smell of food. Brian offers to take him so she can eat. She is a bit astonished when he goes to him.

“Well, you are a brawl laddie, aren’t you.” He offers him a bite of beans. He grin at the taste. A bit dripples out and he wipes his mouth as he gums the beans. He offers him a bannock. He is happy to sit and wave it about as Brian feeds him and talks.

“As you will be here awhile son, seeing to Claire and this ones safety, Jarrod and I would like to see you work with us in the wine business. It is going very well. So well in fact that we need to make a month or so trip to Italy and Spain. To have family, someone we trust run the office here while we are gone would be a relief.”

“I've a huge house there you can stay at, all of you. Parties and such would be expected to be given. Claire, if you would, you can help there?”

“I would do all I can to repay the Fraser's for their kindness to Fergus and I. It is just I am a healer, not a grand lady.”

“You, my dear, are much more a lady then the typical Parisian, full of hot air and snobbery. You will do fine. Trust me.”

“It seems it is all arranged. We would be happy to serve in those roles. Thank you Jarrod and da for your provision and trust in us.”

“Thank you both for making it easier to leave.” Brian smiles like his son. She returns it and wonders to herself why that is what she notices.

He hears her singing to the lad that night. “Someday my prince will come.” He smiles. He is no prince but just maybe he can be the one she is searching for. They leave for Paris the next morning.

Jarrod's house is grand. He insists on providing a new waredrobe for all them, including Fergus. He is growing so fast that he needs them. She is uncomfortable in the finery and asks for more everyday dresses with only the minimum required for the parties and other expected social functions. Jamie feels the same. He accepts only the necessary breeks. He is still more comfortable in his kilts. Murtagh fusses the most. Claire heard him several times about ‘dressing up like a blasted frog'.

She walks the streets of Paris with her son. He is six months old now and loves to see the sights. She does too, fascinated by the differences in this Paris and the Paris she knew in 1945. She takes him into the Louvre and, as the last time she was here, two hundred years in the future, she lights a candle and says a prayer. She prayers for her family and the Frasers. She thinks of Fergus' religious training. She doesn't know if he is baptized. She wishes him to be. She will talk it over with Jamie and Brian.

Murtagh confronts her when she returns. “Lass, I wish you would take me with you when you and the lad go out.”

“I am sorry Murtagh. We just went for a short walk.”

“Tis dangerous,” he mumbles.

“Are Jamie and Brian about?” She wouldn’t argue the dangers of walking Parisian streets in peace after walking them in war. He wouldn’t understand. But, ahe needs to tell Jamie and his dad. She has waited long enough.

“Aye. They are inside.”

[grimoireoffolkloreandfairytales]

sooo... maybe something about how feral snow white could be?

There are many expectations place on princesses, from being demure to being elegant. Whether that is an unjust and bizzare code they must follow to detriment of their time and mental functions, or a small price to pay for unjust status and power they wield due to accident of birth, is for some other people to consider.

One of few things Snow White had in common with all (well, most, because always there were strange exceptions) princesses was that her birth, as is to be expected of such process, was anything but graceful. And one thing it was different from all the rest was that she became unparalably ethereal in movement and stride few seconds afterwards.

Her mother, accursed be her name and hounded be her soul by wrathful gods till world stops turning, was a cruel, self-obsessed, paranoid, shallow, lying, controlling  monster, an absolute failure of parent, and more than capable sorceress. She wanted a beautiful girl who would be perfect heiress and puppet, and she knew how to get her by skipping all boring bits. Why waste years and money and nerves on tutors and hopes and growing up when you can just craft yourself a perfect little girl to whom courtsery came as natural as breathing?

Old snow upon ground.  The blizzard that bent old trees. The frost that claimed lives upon lives. The ancient trunk, struck down by unforgiving axe. The wood still wet and covered by pitch. The black forest that was home to worms and eagles. The needle upon her mother’s fingertip. The cut throat of sveen times seven sacrifices, slashed before they could scream. The hot blood hissing as it splashes the white ground.

In moment, she will learn how to dance quiet and sweet. In moment she will know how to bow with great respect towards her elders. In moment she will know how to embroider, and match jewelry, and how to seat nobles by rank. But in those few moments, in those too short seconds, she is still what her mother made her of. And so she rises, wild and free and bestial, and looks upon her mother with eyes pure and hungry in way human’s could never be.

She is not angry, or dangerous, or violent, not yet. But a wild nightingale is no less feral than an angry bear.

***

She waits in shades and bushes, stalking her prey.

Her hair is long and tangled, full of knots, uncombed in years, strands cut unevenly. And yet it is still beautiful and healthy- it will always be such, no matter what she tries, how much she begs, how much she tears it out- and though dull of feathers and leaves, it will never be infested by lice, it never gets stuck, but sways and writhes, slow and subtle, like thin branch on gentle wind. It blends among darkness and bark, providing cover from threat her skin presents, shining like diamond in summer, from how her lips attract predators small and great, wrapping around her like curtain.

She watches deer move, and waits. She has to strain her eyes, for they are not yet as sharp as those of falcon, or or an owl, but someday they will be- she is already halfway there, wolf pack having nuzzled against her yesterday, the boar having bowed to her this morning.

( All tales end in woods, or start there, depending on whom you ask, sooner or later.

The Forest waits on edges of known world, the land of twilight, the kingdom of living memory. It has seen first foundations of first brick of things that came before men be laid down, and it shall see last civilization’s remnants collapse, and there shall be no more wars or art someday, no divisions or discovery, only the long green and gentle autumn. Heroes must pass through it on their quests, and there they encounter risk and wonder and mystery, but she- she ran in, and dared to ask for refuge.

Already she is changing, being bound by roots, by chill of Forest’s strange mornings, by land that has never known blood upon blades, only on teeth. Someday, she will become something wilder and happier, a beast to replace statue her mother desired- but that day is, unfortunately so far away.)

Brown and grey and green she is, the leather and hides and furs dyed with grass and herbs (she will have to learn more, how to make them from flowers, from fruits- she is so tired from white and red and black). It is not much, but it is most a former princess could do, and she think she has right to be proud of ehrself. Dwarves are wise, and kind, but their kind requires neither sustenance, nor sleep, nor comfort. It is upon Snow White to turn their lair, where seven great hollow trees grow one in another, located above chasm and network of tunnels, into home. It is she who has to skin rabbits, and make needles out of bones, using her own hair as thread, she who has to catch fish with her own hands and roast them above flames sparked from stones (it is so much she refuses to give up, to sink her teeth in soft flesh and weak bone like true beast), ignoring oil and fat upon her fingers.

The deer moves. And Snow White lounges.

***

Come.

She was idiot. She a fool, and unrepentant moron, the empty head worthy of biggest scorn. She should have known, that things like her aren’t allowed to rest. She cannot live, for she must be a story, and story always repeats. Always it is same, even if details change. A girl more beautiful than any in the world, and those who blame her for that, desire her, seek to possess her, ruin her.

Come, daughter.

Well, she won’t allow that. Happily ever after is passed, and her love is dead, and her youth is gone forevermore, and her kingdom is forgotten, and her innocence is no more, perhaps it has never been there, but that won’t stop them. Her story is done and rules are oveer and she has no need to follow them.

Welcome home, Snow White.

The Forest rises in twilight, tall and deep and free. The monster runs it,  monster that was once a girl, knowing that line is crossed, that after this she will never deny herself- never spare any other, no matter how their throats tremble, forbidden to scream.

She will live, no matter the price. And it isn’t evil- evil has purpose, and wolf only wants to survive.