#it's literally been. almost eight years. I hate the passage of time
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distort-opia · 2 years ago
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I want to know your scenario on post fall hannigram. Do you prefer them to be dead or actually survive the fall? If they survive how their dynamic supposed to be after that?
Well. My scenarios on post-Fall Hannigram exist already as fics... if you've got a taste for heavy angst and dense writing packed with metaphors. I was even more dramatic in 2015-2016, somehow. A small warning, just in case you're familiar with my current style for Batman fics (which is easier to read, I think). But anyway, soon after the finale aired, I wrote a short fic containing a what-if-Will-survived-and-Hannibal-died scenario, with the second part going into what-if-Hannibal-survived-and-Will-died.
And then I started a post-Fall fic of Hannibal and Will wading through life, dealing with changes and accepting compromises, etc. It's an unfinished WIP that I don't think will ever see a proper ending, though it's very self-contained. It's more character analysis than anything else, but it's still pretty much how I imagine their dynamic evolving after their shared survival.
Ultimately, I don't prefer them dead. I think it's more interesting if they live and then have to find a way to coexist. Will's darkness and possessiveness over Hannibal in season 3, as shown in his sessions with Bedelia and interactions with Francis Dolarhyde, would translate into something fascinating to explore after the Fall. (Do you ever think about "Meat's back on the menu" and go a little bit insane? 'Cause I do, RIP me.) I don't believe they'd ever be... at peace, in the sense that they'd always have some kind of conflict. The interesting part would be the mechanisms they develop to deal with that, the wilingness to do it. Since let's be fair, they don't love each other because they offer each other peace. I think they'd still play games, that it wouldn't be "happily ever after as Murder Husbands". I imagine Clarice entering the arena at some point like Bryan Fuller mentioned, and their dynamic undergoing change because of it-- them using their agency in the world against each other or everyone else.
Anyway! If you ever get around to reading these, I hope you enjoy. Thank you for the ask, Anon.
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pansy-picnics · 2 months ago
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can ask that you spill everything about your Splatoon OCs? 😺
ABSOLUTELY i did not expect anyone to ask to be honest….goodness where do i even begin. Let’s see. I’ll start with my main little doomed love triangle thing i suppose
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Cecilia Paek, she/her, 24 yrs old, aka: cece, celia, eight, whore, freak, slut, etc. My agent 8. born in the domes under the name Paek Seo-Mi, but renamed herself to cece post-memory loss. A freak both in the not-safe-for-work sense and just. In general. She says the most unhinged shit in such a passive formal manner. Marina has to consistently tell her she’s not allowed to eat the jelletons. She bites. A lot.
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aside from being a freak cece is curious and observant, but incredibly blunt and fierce. In the past Seo-Mi was a much quieter and more repressed person, but hearing the Inkantation awakened a flame within her, so to speak. Cece is incredibly vocal about her thoughts and feelings, and she does not like to be pushed around. although shes always been a very nostalgic person, shes been trying to look forward more often than not. (she was on team future!)
cece has a very mature, almost sisterly presence, and is especially close with neo 3 (ikra) and her pseudo sister agent 4 (yottsu). she also has a daughter of her own, yumi! ikra and yottsu are my friends ocs so i cant say too much about them but ikra is like, basically her and kyle’s adopted kid
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Kyle Lastname, (Actual surname to be determined Eventually) he/him, 25 yrs, aka three, cap, kyle, ceces silly rabbit /j. he’s my captain 3. has a stupid ass name bc he’s a stupid ass guy. Basically started as a joke oc but i put him through the Horrors. he’s the malewife of all time.
Grew up the only hearing person in a deaf/hard of hearing household so he’s fluent in sign language. He joined squidbeak when he was like 16 mostly bc he was a MASSIVE FUCKING LOSER with a huge ego who wanted the attention. Now he has Trauma and hates his teen self more than anything. (The egotistical little white kid phase is like, a rite of passage in his family. His little sister is still in that phase.) Now that he’s mellowed out hes just a sopping wet cat. Dating cece and is obsessed with her + will do literally whatever she wants.
Hes a lot more talkative than canon 3, hes the kind of guy who copes with humor all the time. he tries to be cool and mysterious but hes really awkward and gets flustered or worked up super easily. He’s overall a pretty boring guy and thats his charm. She’s barbie and he’s just ken. etc etc.
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Hes SO dad coded btw. He and cece have a daughter together, Yumi. Since he was young he spent a lot of time looking after his little sister and he’s basically adopted his protege, neo3 (ikra). he makes me think of RTGame for reasons i could not describe to you, it’s just the energy somehow. He’s my babygirl. My little meow meow if you will (Cece voice)
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Victoria Mendoza, she/her, 25 yrs, aka Tori. SHE is the fucked up one. Literally doomed by the narrative. Eye love her.
She comes from a long line of elite soldiers and was a child prodigy, but also the Problem Child. Got expelled from multiple schools for beating up other kids. from a young age she’s been incredibly critical of the octarian society and she was basically your average teen rebel. into alt music/fashion, incredibly vocal about her distaste for the system, fairly closed off with a cold exterior. the only person she truly cared for was Seo-Mi (Cece).
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Seo-Mi was quiet and sweet and generally pretty average academically, so she didn’t have nearly as much pressure on her to succeed compared to Tori. the two were childhood friends and teenage lovers. The only ones who truly matched each others freak if you will. When they were little girls they used to dream of escaping to the surface together. this changed when they were about sixteen years old.
the most important thing to know about tori is that she is a pessimist and at her core a Coward. She’s all bark and no bite. She’ll scream her hatred of authority from the rooftops but immediately crumble at the sight of her leader. and as she got older and officially entered her career, she lost hope. she determined the surface wouldn’t have anything more for her than the domes did. she became complacent, while Seo-Mi, who had previously been more neutral, had heard the inkantation and only become more determined to leave the domes.
The two desperately tried to change each other’s minds but they were far too stubborn. both of them were crushed by the supposed “betrayal” of their beloved. Inevitably Seo-Mi left for the surface, eventually being taken in to Kamabo Co. while tori stayed behind to rot.
Since Seo-Mi left, tori became more bitter than ever before. she turns her focus to her career, and her family, but she never truly moves on from the loss. Unfortunately, Cece did. Cece met someone else, she’s started a family, she has a completely new name. she’s essentially a new person. and Tori is still the same.
Canonically i don’t think they would ever meet again and actually recognize each other, but i like to play with the idea sometimes bc if they did they would Hate each other. Tori is completely incapable of accepting that her Seo-Mi has moved on. She is clinging on to a version of someone that doesn’t exist anymore. tori is a deeply self destructive person and will never move on in any sense of the word. Sad!
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Also this is Yumi. Age varies but shes like. Very young toddler as of the current timeline. She’s cece and kyle’s favorite surprise (Accident). They’re both freaks and shes the consequences of their actions. She and smollusk have playdates together. She’s obsessed with off the hook but doesn’t realize that her weird lesbian aunts pearl and marina are the same people. She’s baby
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pitconfirm · 7 months ago
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
thank you for tagging @mars-mystic!! mwah 😽
1. How many works do you have on ao3
eight, two of which are anon teehee (but i think one is very obviously mine 😅)
2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 
60,694... soon to be over 70k 🙈
3. What fandoms do you write for?
im just here for lance nation..... writing about my pookie wookie
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
excluding my anon fics which are the actual #1 and #3...
1 - Gatito (the people yearn for kitty lance)
2 - Midas Touch
3 - Broken Glass (guys please someone else write more 141831 im begging....... i cannot be the only threesome in this tag)
4 - Venus Flytrap
5 - Kamikaze
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I love responding to comments.... i love every comment I respond to every comment unless it's just emojis or i have literally no idea how to respond 😭
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I guess Kamikaze is my only fic with a kind of angsty ending... but not really. i don't like angsty endings 😭 i need problems to be solved. if i know a fic has an angsty ending i generally will not even touch it
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
im now realising that most of my fics on ao3 are just straight up porn..... i swear i am planning more substantial things in the future. but i guess my two tumblr drabbles have happy endings?? oh wait or Detonate.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
luckily i've never gotten any hate at all..... not even anon hate asks, i feel like im missing out. this is what I get for being kind and amazing 😔🫶
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
do i even need to answer this. every kind. almost.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
not crossovers but there are like.... specific aus living in my mind that i want to write. hunger games au, dbh au.... beloveds.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
i hope not 🤨
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
🙅‍♂️
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no....... not yet 🤔
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
tbh I’ve read so many different fandoms and ships over the years but strollonso is the one I’ve been most feral about. or maybe arthur/eames from inception…..
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
I literally have zero wips right now except venus flytrap. the ideas in my brain have dried up like the sahara desert to work on this thing. once I’m finished we’ll see
16. What are your writing strengths?
I like to think I have good wit and flow. and maybe attention to detail… always thinking what more I can add to a scene to make it more palpable
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
I think just…. really terrible self criticism. a lot of the time I’m writing and I’m like… what if this sucks what if everyone hates this what if blah blah blah….. WHO CARES!!!!!! I wish I could be less worried about that
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I will write a few words if I feel confident enough about them but not whole passages. I always have nando saying little bits in spanish
19. First fandom you wrote for?
TOOOO EMBARRASSING. I only ever wrote for one other fandom and I was 13 on wattpad and shudder every time I remember
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
I guess it has to be venus flytrap for the pure amount of effort I’ve put in…. and because it’s definitely the most well written by farrrr. I cringe a little reading my other stuff now 😭 but I guess that’s just the nature of improving over time
NO idea who’s already done this so forgive me if I’m being a goof @lil-shiro @lou-who-writes @parallelplayers @boxboxbrioche @vicsy @userkritaaay and now my brain is firing blanks so sorry if I forgot any of my beautiful writer friends
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Outlanders: How Jinjer survived a revolution and built their own world
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Jinjer’s resilient spirit was forged in the civil war that erupted their native Ukraine in 2014. As the groove metal quartet prepare to unleash their fourth and most complex album to date, singer Tatiana Shmayluk relives the turmoil that shaped them. Cue: one of modern music’s most remarkable tales of survival, resistance and sheer determination…
It was when the first fighter jet flew overhead that Tatiana Shmayluk realised she had to run.
For the past few months, the mood in Ukraine had been growing increasingly tense. As a former USSR state, in spring 2014 the country had only had independence from Russia since 1991. Many citizens had wanted then-President Viktor Yanukovych to sign an agreement aligning the country closer with the European Union in November 2013. Plenty of others wanted to stay close to Russia. Protests began across the country. Then violence. Then Yanukovych was ousted from office in February 2014. Then more violence.
“There was a revolution,” says Tatiana. ​“There were huge riots in the main square of Kiev. In the end, our president, his ass was kicked out and he left the country. That was crazy. And then everything turned into chaos. And that’s when people really started hating each other.”
That April, following a highly suspect vote on whether to stay or go which resulted in a widely disputed declaration of autonomy for the region around Tatiana’s home-city of Donetsk in the east of the country, on the border with Russia, armed conflict commenced, involving Russian troops, tanks and air power. So began what Tatiana calls ​“a civil war – Ukrainians attacking Ukrainians”, with those loyal to their former Soviet masters on one side, and those wanting to break free, and have independence and closer ties with the EU on the other.
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You may remember news footage of protesters banging dustbin lids at lines of soldiers and riot police. The politics of the situation are obviously layered and complex, but the simple version is: imagine a turbo version of Brexit that actually tore the country in two and resulted in one region declaring an independence that’s somewhat disputed by most of the world that isn’t Russia. And with a lot more violence. And a conflict that’s still piling up bodies now.
Tatiana was having a barbecue when she realised what was about to happen. ​“We were at a picnic, not far away from my building where I lived,” she says today from her flat in the Ukrainian capital, Kiev. ​“We were just chilling on the grass, eating food and stuff. And we heard this loud sound in the sky – we looked up and saw a jet. And that was that. We just grabbed our stuff and ran home, and we started figuring out how to leave before it was too late.”
Had Tatiana and her friends – including other members of her band, Jinjer – waited much longer than they did, their passage to Lviv some 1,300 kilometres to the west, where bassist Eugene Abdukhanov and his wife were already living, might have been much more hazardous. Even as they ​“packed all our shit into a van” and made a break for it, the country was starting to change shape around them.
“Already there were borders built being built around our region,” she says. ​“And I remember when we were crossing it, we were met by a guy, a soldier with a weapon. And then we heard [machine gun fire] somewhere very close to us.”
As she describes this, Tatiana makes an almost amusing machine gun noise, but she is painfully aware that even seven years on, the situation remains a serious one. ​“There’s no way out for this problem,” she says, ​“No solution. And that’s really, really sad.” If one needed an example of the lasting effects here, her parents have remained behind in what she calls, with almost mundane succinctness, ​“the war zone”.
“There’s an actual border between Ukraine and the former parts of the country, and it’s all blocked. And due to the pandemic, they have no chance to cross borders,” she explains. ​“They cannot receive money from the government, their pensions. I always tell my mom, ​‘Hey, mom, just try once to do this, make really big effort and cross this border, even [if you have to go] through Russia. Just come here and stay here. I can help you in any way possible.’ But she is old school. And when you have been living on this earth for over 60 years, it’s really hard to change your way of living.”
But that’s what Tatiana and Jinjer have had to do. And growing from such trying circumstances has only made them more rigid in their resolve. Because literally having to run for your life will have an effect on a person. ​“Growing balls, maintaining your balls,” is how she puts it.
“Of course, it makes you stronger,” she says. ​“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
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Today, Tatiana has lived in Kiev for more than five years. As Jinjer’s singer, she is one of the rising stars of European metal, and made her living visiting countries as far-flung as Argentina, Australia and Japan to play her band’s music. Next week, the band release their fourth album, Wallflowers, a furious, razor-sharp work of metal that will delight fans of Cradle Of Filth and Conjurer alike, and will add nicely to streams that, in total, already sit at over 100 million.
Though she says that she’s only been recognised around town a handful of times, and that she probably gets noticed more for the tattoos that cover her arms and neck (“Old women who were born in the Soviet Union really reject people with tattoos,” she says. ​“They look at you like you’re a prisoner, or a prostitute…”) than for her music, at 34 life for Tatiana is very different to what she knew growing up. As a kid in the early ​’90s, after the collapse of the USSR, her family were, she says, ​“average”, but there were clues that the Shmayluk family were not one of society’s ​‘haves’.
“I remember that we couldn’t afford meat,” she recalls. ​“After the Cold War ended we got a lot of American food, like veggie burgers. It looked like oatmeal with brown [fake] chicken that you make into patties, and then you fry them. You eat them as kind of meat, but it’s not. It’s just some shit, like some very plastic stuff. I realised how poor we were. And I was crying, ​‘Mom, I just want some meat. I don’t want to eat this.’”
Elsewhere, though, Tatiana remembers her childhood as being ​“great”, a time she looks back on with fondness. ​“We didn’t have internet and stuff, so we just played outside all day long. And school was awesome.” The food imports post-Cold War might not have been the most brilliant thing she had ever seen, but the new order also brought with it more western culture. MTV introduced six-year-old Tatiana to hip-hop (“I’d practice dancing like MC Hammer”), but via going through her brother’s room and raiding his tape collection – often bootlegs – she also got turned on to Nirvana, Metallica and The Offspring.
“We had this family tradition that every evening we had supper together around the same table,” she remembers. ​“When I discovered The Offspring, I put Smash on my huge headphones. I was sitting in a chair, eating, and I wasn’t talking to anyone from my family, just listening to music. And then when I finished, I just sat back and just enjoyed the music, doing nothing.”
Her ability to both lose and find herself in music turned into doing something more significant at high school when, after years spent doodling herself playing guitar in a band with other girls in a sketchbook, Tatiana performed her first gig as part of a talent contest, doing covers of songs by Limp Bizkit and German metallers Guano Apes (“No-one voted for us,” she laughs). Her first gig as an audience member, meanwhile, came a few years later, when Soulfly played in Kiev. Despite the fact she didn’t actually get to see Max Cavalera and his band onstage, it was an experience in itself.
“I traveled from Donetsk to Kiev, like, 700 – 800 kilometres,” she says. ​“My parents were very protective, they didn’t want me going anywhere on road trips or anything, and they didn’t give me any money to spend. I only got to watch maybe 30 minutes of the show, because my boyfriend got drunk and started a fight with someone. Security grabbed him and threw him out of the club. It was quite a shitty day!”
In 2010, aged 23, having completed language studies at university, and working briefly at a dating agency, Tatiana joined Jinjer. Two years later, they self-released their debut EP, Inhale, Don’t Breathe. A year after that, they played outside Ukraine for the first time, in neighbouring Romania. ​“That gave us a push to move forward, because we really liked it,” she says. ​“And although we didn’t bring any money back – we didn’t earn anything – we realised that we want to do this, and we’re going to overcome any obstacle that is waiting for us.”
Eight months later, this would be put to the test by fleeing the war. Having moved to Lviv, Jinjer – Tatiana, Eugene, guitarist Roman Ibramkhalilov and then-drummer Yevhen Mantulin – then all moved into what the singer describes as ​“a summer house” just outside the city. Soon, the band became a full-time concern. They still had nothing, but it was a more fun nothing.
“We were all just hoping for the best, touring just with money that we had, earning nothing, like one euro,” she says. ​“Sometimes we didn’t have anything to eat, basically, because we were broke, because everyone had just quit their jobs. We just had some coins to buy a beer. That was intense. But I remember those years only with a warm heart. That was fun. That was a really huge challenge for just people who had never done that before, but we happened to overcome all this shit because we stayed together.”
But as touring became a more regular thing and things for Jinjer seemed to be on the up and up, the band once again found themselves faced with bad luck that most will, mercifully, never know. On tour in 2014, they had a long drive to Russia for the next run of shows. Stopping at a friend’s house in Kiev for the night, Tatiana took a taxi back to her own place, leaving everyone else to continue partying and drinking. At 4am, she got a phone call about Yevhen.
“They said, ​‘You have to come here because he’s broken his spine,’” she recalls. ​“He fell out of the window. Everyone [had gone] to sleep, and he stayed there in the kitchen, sitting on the window frame, smoking. And then he fell asleep, and fell from the third floor. They heard someone screaming in the middle of the night, but they didn’t realise – they thought that it was maybe a dog or something. And then someone checked the kitchen and he was not there. Then they looked down and saw him just lying there.”
By some miracle, he survived, though he no longer has use of his legs. Tatiana says she and his bandmates were ​“in shock for many years”, and that, ​“I remember we were all around him, toured with him, just hanging out, and then he’s just like… bam.” But even this incident, which left him in a wheelchair and unable to return to the band, is talked about in the same spirited, fighty way that Tatiana talks about every challenge.
“He seems very positive,” she says. ​“He’s doing music and he tours around Russia with a band. It’s kind of a hip-hop band, and he plays guitar. He’s still doing tours, so that’s awesome.”
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Should you ask Tatiana to describe to you the Ukrainian national character, she’ll tell you that they are “stubborn”, and that as a whole they feel “we have nothing to lose”. She’ll also tell you that, “Ukrainians are very passionate people. Not like Italians [are passionate], for example, or Spanish people. We are passionate with a straight face, you know, not smiling – more like Russians.” When it comes to danger, meanwhile, she says that “we take risks easily”.
Surprisingly, despite the above description matching the impression you get of Tatiana from her story, she doesn’t think of herself as ​“a typical Ukrainian”. She does, though, nod in confirmation when asked if she sees playing music as a form of resistance. Before any of the bigger events and challenges, this spirited defiance started with becoming a musician at all, at home.
“The first time I resisted something that really prevented me from doing what I love was my parents,” she says. ​“Mostly my mom, who didn’t want to see me as a musician. In Ukraine, it’s kind of a big thing. If you’re a musician, it’s not respected. From 17 to 23, I was protesting [her], silently. I didn’t, like, yell at her; I didn’t fight with her. I just said, ​‘Yeah, yeah,’ and I did my own thing. That’s when it started, and it’s still going this way.”
An example: on Wallflowers, there’s a song, Disclosure, in which Tatiana vents about treatment at the hands of certain media outlets in her homeland. Even being used to internet haters, giving the band shit for everything from daring to escape a warzone, to daring to have a female member, to daring to become successful, the experience left her boiling.
“Earlier this year, in March, me and Eugene went to some studio to do an interview with a Ukrainian guy who is a YouTuber, and he used to work on Ukrainian TV channels,” she says. ​“So there was a tense atmosphere, and very angry vibrations between us. And he was so manipulative. We had differences in our political views and stuff, and he didn’t want to accept that. So he really wanted to show us in a very bad, bad way. I was pissed off for three days after that, and wrote the song about it.”
As people with a profile, do you think you’re a target for that sort of thing?
“We absolutely are targets for those people, for haters,” Tatiana says. ​“They hate us for different reasons: for me being a woman, you know. And people think that we pay for [success], like with our money – some of them think that we are hugely rich. My mom is a bookkeeper! My dad worked in coal mining, he was a worker, just working class. But no-one cares. They always find something to blame us for. But at least they don’t do us any harm. Only with words and comments. It’s distant. They’re poison, but it goes nowhere.”
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Tatiana Shmayluk is a self-evidently tough woman. She’s also extremely nice. Equally, she’s extremely modest. When she talks about her life’s trials and triumphs, survival and successes, she does so in a manner that almost shrugs these things off, that possibly anyone could do them. Possibly, if pushed by the sight of a war literally kicking off while you have a barbecue, we could. But it’s still surprising that, for someone with more real things to get angry about than most, she describes what she’s putting into Wallflower as simply ​“my whining and insecurities”.
“Every album, I find something to be angry about,” she says. ​“It’s pessimistic, but it’s nothing to do with the pandemic. The pandemic gave me some time to just sit and think about, different stuff that I’ve been going through. And we have to agree that the whole world isn’t getting any better – I put myself into this kind of state of mind that, ​‘Okay, it’s almost the end of the world.’ Maybe the next album will be more optimistic and more positive. Maybe…”
Pessimism or not, none of it makes her story of prevailing against the things she has any less stirring. Never mind the fact that the band she fronts come from a country most tours don’t even stop at. She’s – rightfully – proud of Jinjer’s success, and the work ethic it’s taken to get them where they are, but she’s almost at pains to share the glory with her bandmates. And in part, it’s this that’s carried Jinjer through all this the most. It’s this, she says, that’s helped her both survive, and to thrive.
“I would never do this myself. I wouldn’t be able to work on so many obstacles just by myself,” Tatiana admits. ​“And if I had some type of my own personal career, just a single singer, I wouldn’t even start doing that. I really need those guys. And the guys, I hope they need me. That’s just how it works: all together. Even having nothing in our pockets and empty stomachs, we could work.
“It just depends on how big your dream is.”
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jiangwanyinscatmom · 4 years ago
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1- you know JC stans always try to deflect claiming LQR LXC LWJ and NMJ are all equally at fault bc they didn't stand for trhe wens either but JC and WWX are literally the only two people who know the truth about the wen sibs and he decided not to tell anyone so the public has no means of knowing everything they did and risked for him, they literally committed treason to save the jiang sect and protect them from the wen army but in the eyes of the public they are known as loyal disciples to WRH-
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Thank you for the question anon!
Relevant passages in regards to this issue posted first since a lot of it gets very misconstrued with what blame lies where with the Sect Leaders before the events when it came to the massacre at Nightless City and the deaths of the Wen Remnants. This is not necessarily clean cut after the fallout with Jin Zixuan and Jin Zixun's deaths. This is also still with the underlying plot of Jin Guangshan aiming for the Yin Hu Fu. There is a lot of political intrigue that goes ignored with this by manipulation of the Jin Sect and Jiang Cheng being blinded by his own jealousy.
“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”
“… Four inspectors were harmed. Around fifty of the remaining Wen Sect members escaped. After Wei WuXian led them into Burial Mound, he summoned hundreds of fierce corpses to patrol the base of the mountain. Our people still can’t get any further.”
When he finished, silence filled the Golden Pavilion.
Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”
What Jin GuangShan wanted, however, wasn’t his apology or his compensation, “Sect Leader Jiang, at first, for your sake, the LanlingJin Sect didn’t intend on saying anything. However, some of these inspectors weren’t from the Jin Sect. There were a few from other sects as well. This makes it…”
Jiang Cheng’s brows were knitted. He rubbed the vein that throbbed at his temple and soundlessly took in a deep breath, “… I apologize to all of the Sect Leaders. Everyone, I’m afraid you don’t know that the Wen cultivator whom Wei WuXian wanted to save was called Wen Ning. We owe him and his sister Wen Qing gratitude for what happened during the Sunshot Campaign.”
Nie MingJue, “You owe them gratitude? Isn’t the QishanWen Sect the ones who caused the YunmengJiang Sect’s annihilation?”
Within these few years, Jiang Cheng insisted on working late into the night every day. That day, just as he decided to rest early, he had to rush to Koi Tower overnight because of the thundering news. He’d been suppressing some anger under his fatigue since the beginning. With his natural competitiveness, he was already quite agitated since he had to apologize to other people. When he heard Nie MingJue mention the incident of his sect again, hatred sprouted within him.
The hatred was directed at not only everyone who was seated in this room, but also Wei WuXian.
Passage 2:
Using the atmosphere, Jin GuangShan turned to Jiang Cheng, “He’s been plotting for a while to go to Burial Mound, hasn’t he? After all, with his skills, it wouldn’t be too hard to set up a sect of his own. And so, he used this as a chance to leave the Jiang Sect, intending to do whatever he pleases in the bright skies outside. You rebuilt the YunmengJiang Sect with so much work. He’s got a few controversial traits in him to begin with, and still he doesn’t restrain himself, stirring up so much trouble for you. He doesn’t care about you at all.”
Jiang Cheng pretended to stand his ground, “That probably isn’t that case. Wei WuXian has been like this ever since he was young. Even my father couldn’t do anything about him.”
Jin GuangShan, “Even FengMian-xiong couldn’t do anything about him, huh?” He chuckled a few times, “FengMian-xiong just favored him.”
Hearing the words ‘favors him’, the muscles beside the corners of Jiang Cheng’s mouth twitched.
Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”
He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to The Burial Mounds and deal with this.”
Here the sect leaders were aware of the Wen Sect remnants as prisoners of war and saw it as a justifiable reason to keep the remaining Wens imprisoned regardless of age status etc. When Jiang Cheng is asked by Nie Mingjue for clarification on the matter of the debt owed by the Wen siblings it is deflected by Jin Guangshan and Jin Guangyao with clever wordplay to rile everyone up. This leaves those who either asked for more information, Lan Xichen who is shutdown by not having enough information by the majority and Nie Mingjue distracted by his hate of the Wens already, and Mianmian and Lan Wangji who argued that Wei Wuxian was protecting innocents and was not trying to cause a coup ignored as being irrelevant opinions. Wei Wuxian is eventually labelled a defector and danger due to Jiang Cheng exasperating what they had actually planned in the staged fight.
After this several months pass until Lan Wangji comes to tell Wei Wuxian of Jiang Yanli's marriage in a week's time. Several days later the Jiang siblings arrive with the same news and Jiang Yanli is the one to extend a peace branch to try keeping the three connected with the courtesy naming or Jin Ling. Almost a year's time later Wei Wuxian is in fact invited to the one-month celebration as another peace branch by Jin Zixuan who was the one to extend the offer. Jin Guangshan, Jin Zixun and Jin Guangyao planned the murder of Wei Wuxian in Qiongqi Pass against Jin Zixuan's knowledge. This leads to the mess of his murder and Wei Wuxian being hunted down as well as all of the remaining Wens on order of Jin Guangshan in retaliation after Wen Qing is killed as the remaining leader of the Wens and Wen Ning secretly suppressed. This leads to days later to the Pledge Conference at the city which holds Jin Zixuan's body and Jiang Yanli who is there to keep the death vigils (Shou Ling) as family. It's also why her and Madam Jin are wearing the white robes when Wei Wuxian sees them and by bad luck comes across the sect leaders pact when he tries to flee.
After the the wine had seeped into the dirt, Jin GuangShan stated, “No matter the sect, no matter the surname—this cup of wine is to the soldiers who have died.”
Nie MingJue, “May their souls live on.”
Lan XiChen, “Rest in peace.”
Jiang Cheng, however, still had on a darkened expression. He didn’t say anything even after he poured the wine.
Afterward, Jin GuangYao walked out from the LanlingJin Sect’s array and presented with both hands a square box made of black iron. Jin GuangShan took the box with one hand and raised it high in the air, shouting, “Here lies the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants!”
After he spoke, he sent forth his spiritual energy and shattered the box with his bare hand. The iron box broke into pieces, and white dust drifted alongside the cold wind.
A scattering of the ashes!
A series of cheers exploded through the crowd. Jin GuangShan raised his hands, signaling for the people to be quiet and listen to him talk. When the cheers slowly died down, he continued, raising his voice, “Tonight, the ones whose ashes had been scattered were the two leaders of the Wen Sect’s remnants. And tomorrow! It will be the rest of the Wen-dogs and—the YiLing Laozu, Wei Ying!”
Suddenly, a low laugh interrupted his grand speech. The laugh was too untimely, sounding both stark and jarring. In unison, the crowd turned to look at where the sound came from.
The Palace of Sun and Flames was a rather magnificent palace. A total of twelve ridges made up its roof, and at the end of each ridge were eight heavenly beasts. Yet, right now, the people realized that on one of those ridges, there were nine. The laugh from before came from over there!
The extra beast shifted slightly. The next moment, a boot and a corner of black clothes dangled down from the roof, swaying softly.
Everyone placed their hand onto their sword hilt. Jiang Cheng’s pupils shrunk. Blue veins lined the back of his hand.
Jin GuangShan was overcome with both shock and hatred, “Wei Ying! How dare you show yourself here!”
The person opened their mouth to speak. What came out was indeed Wei WuXian’s voice, but he spoke in a strange tone, “Why should I dare not show myself here? Do you people here even add up to three thousand? Don’t forget that back in the Sunshot Campaign, let alone three thousand, I’ve fought against five thousand on my own before. And by appearing here, haven’t I granted your wish? No need for you to come all the way to my home tomorrow to scatter my ashes.”
A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”
Wei WuXian, “Haven’t I always been arrogant? Sect Leader Jin, how does it feel, having slapped yourself in the face? Who was the one that said he’d let the matter go if the Wen siblings went to Koi Tower and gave themselves up? And who was the one that just said he’d scatter my ashes and the ashes of the rest of the Wen Sect’s remnants tomorrow?”
Jin GuangShan, “Let’s consider things as they stand! At Qiongqi Path, you slaughtered over a hundred of the LanlingJin Sect’s disciples—this is one thing. You made Wen Ning kill at Koi Tower—this is another…”
Wei WuXian, “Then let me ask you, Sect Leader Jin, at Qiongqi Path, who was the one being ambushed? And who was the one to kill? Who was the main schemer? And who was the one being schemed against? In the end, just who was the one that came to provoke me first?”
Keep in mind none of the other sect leaders were privy to the scheme between Jin Guangshan, Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun. And they believe they are certainly fighting off a crazed Wei Wuxian and what they think are his fodder Wens meant for corpses. After this Wei Wuxian desperately fights against Lan Wangji who is trying to calm him down before it's too late which is unsuccessful leading to Jiang Yanli also trying to calm him down enough to get him away and talk some sense to get him out of there to run and get to the Wens. After her death he mentally blacks out and Lan Wangji is left trying to take him away to safety close enough to Burial Mounds. Lan Wangji then fights off his elders as Lan Xichen gathered the Lans to find them. Immediately after this is in sequestered secrecy Lan Wangji is punished. Lan Xichen presumably stays with his own brother while Lan Qiren is the acting Sect Leader for the actual Siege that the other three are part of as support. That leaves Jin Guangshan with the ulterior motive of getting the Yin Hu Fu, Jiang Cheng who wants revenge for the death of Jiang Yanli, and Nie Mingjue left to think he is killing what he considers disgraceful Wens.
So, in short, each of them had different motivations for actually being there, and different accounts for those reasons. The Jins for more power, Jiangs for revenge, Nies for justice and the Lans in solidarity. And the fault of it isn't meted out equally as all had misunderstandings and manipulated by Jin Guangshan's pull to each of their morals as cultivation sects. In the end each of the four were there to kill the Wens and Wei Wuxian aside from Lan Wangji and arguably Jiang Yanli when she was caught up trying to get Wei Wuxian to run.
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missblissy · 5 years ago
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Rebirth (Chapter Six)
Alastor X Human!Reader ((Reincarnation!AU))
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Prologue || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six
((THE TAG LIST IS CURRENTLY DOWN UNTIL I CAN FIX IT!! PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN! I PROMISE TO HAVE THE TAGGED LIST BACK UP FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER)) ((HERE IS THE SONG THAT ALASTOR SINGS))
“You want to summon... A demon? You do know that goes against literally everything I stand by?” Sage stared at you with narrow eyes. She didn’t seem too pleased that you had asked. 
And you weren’t too pleased that three years of friendship turned out to be a twisted lie, “I don’t think I know anything about you,” You said with a little to much attitude, “I thought you were a chemist that traveled a lot for work. Turns out my best friend is actually a magical witch that kills demons for a living!”
Sage knew she had hurt you, you could see it on her face. You expected her to snap back like she normally would. But she showed complete control, she took a breath in and then out, “I am under an oath to not to share this information with anyone outside my bloodline. I’ve have broken that one and only rule twice. For Van, and for you. I’m supposed to kill you now,” Her words were so cold you almost thought she would. Sage did nothing but give you a stern look. You felt like a child under that gaze, she was only four years older than, but she had the energy of 100-year-old pagan, “I’d rather die for it than let either of you be harmed in any way shape or form. Sharing this information with you has put our lives at risk. So long as you play dumb when you need to, everything will hopefully be fine, but I can’t promise that. So you can see why I kept this from you for so long. I hope you understand it wasn’t to lie or deceive you. It was to protect you. But now the only way for me to protect you is to tell you everything you need to know.”
You suddenly felt immature and bratty. She was right. You were blind to the bigger picture and you felt a little dumb, “I’m sorry,” You said, “I just felt... I don’t know. All of this is so crazy. I feel like the who universe is lying to me and you were apart of that. I know your intentions were in the right place,”
There was a moment of silence between the two of you. There was a mutual understanding and you both silently agreed to move on, “Why do you want to summon a demon? I need to know your reasoning before I share this information with you.”
You could understand her concerns, “Well, what if I were to learn how to summon Alastor? Maybe for a trap?” You told her with a warry voice.
“Well, I wouldn’t doubt it if he had this place tapped in any way. He’s probably listening to us right now. I doubt he’d dare to step out though.”
“Why?” You were curious to see why she was so confident.
“Because I can kill him. And he knows that. He’s too proud and important to let something like that happen. Because if I kill him, Eon will die too. I have a divine weapon that my father passed down to me and his father before him. The Morning Sword, the same sword Lucifer lifted towards God in his rebellion and the same sword he lost when he fell from grace.”
Holy shit. You had to see this sword, “Where is?” You asked, “Can I see?”
Sage smirked slightly, her blue eyes sparkled a little. She nodded, “Sure,” With a quick wave of her hand, a sword started to manifest before your eyes. It was made of silver and gold, with its own source of blue light leaking between the designs. It fell quickly into Sage’s hand and she swiftly turned it and placed it before you. The blade rested in her open palms, “This sword destroys any soul it comes in contact with,”
“Why isn’t it hurting you then?” You asked, not sure if you wanted to touch it or not.
“Souls are protected deep within our bodies,” Sage explained. 
You reached out and placed a finger on the glowing blade. A little zap of electricity pricked your finger. You were just about to take the sword in your own hands when a little buzz went off. Sage pulled out her phone, gave it one look, then sighed heavily.
“I have to go,” She said while the sword fizzled out of existence. She opened her mouth to explain but you cut her off.
“I understand. Demon stuff.”
Sage’s smile was small but wholesome, “Everything you need is in this bag,” You had almost forgotten that it was sitting next to you, “I’ll text you, okay?” She quickly got up to her feet and soon she was at the door, “Let Van know if you need anything too. I’ll see you late, (Y/n),”
You waved at your friend and watched her go. You were alone again and you felt a chill. You remembered what Sage said, about Alastor having this place tapped. 
You wanted to see him, and you hated admitting that to yourself. The book had answered some questions. Things like who you were when you were a demon. You were called The Crybaby Demon, and you were the Gate Keeper of Hell. You married Alastor seven or eight years after meeting him. Eon technically owned your soul but since you were reincarnated, he lost his power over it. And even how you met and fell in love with Alastor. 
It was hard to see him as the same demon who was trying to trick you into going to hell. It was more like... someone desperately trying to get back to their life. Or afterlife in this case. 
You stood up from the couch. You looked around slowly then felt stupid as you called out, “Alastor...?” Nothing happened. Maybe he really left for good?
Suddenly Buck came out from hiding. He slowly walked from your bedroom and his tiger eyes watched your every move. That's when you remembered that... Buck had something to do with all of this.
You felt silly as you reached your hand out. Buck rubbed his cheek against your fingers and purred loudly, “Can you bring Alastor here?” You asked quietly.
And that’s when you felt it. That energy that caused your hairs to rise. The soft stale static fizzled in and out of your ear. He was here. What happened to that big screaming portal? Or could he hide that from your eyes too? You looked around and followed the waves as they pulsed from where ever Alastor was hiding. You faced the windows between your kitchen and living room. 
You saw the curtains flutter slightly, then you saw a shadow flash across the floor, “Alastor?” You called out with a weak voice. You weren’t sure where he went.
As you started to take a few steps back, you felt a cold chill on the back of your neck, “You called~?” His voice was loud and muffled at the same time. He spoke through that filter, that old microphone voice. You spun around and saw Alastor grinning at you, “Hello, my darling dear.”
You were frozen for a second. You almost forgot that he was a demon. A murderer. And if you could remember correctly... a cannibal. You gulped, then spoke weakly, “Hi,” You started, “I... I wanted to see you,” As you admitted that you saw Alastor’s smile grow, “I’ve been reading the book you left. And... I want to know more about who I was. Parts of the book won’t appear for me- even with my blood! They just stay blank,” 
Alastor chuckled then began to walk in a circle around you, “I’m aware,” He grinned loosely, “I can’t get all the pages to show for me, either, so I can’t help you there,”
“I thought it wouldn’t work for you?” Didn’t the book say it was cursed or something so Alastor couldn’t read it?
“I found a way in. But the book only shows me what it wants me to see, the same for you, darling, what did it show you?” 
That didn’t make sense... The book only showed you passages about Alastor. If it showed him something different than what he saw... “It only showed me things about you,” 
Something sparkled in his eyes and he took a step towards you. Leaning down into your sights, “What could you ever want to know about me?” His eyes were wide and wild as they flashed an emotion in them that you could barely pick out. 
Your heart raced and you felt a little frightened, “You... were my husband?”
“I was,” He hummed lowly.
“You loved me?” You had to hear him say it. You didn’t know why, but you just had to.
“I did,” Alastor took a step away from you, a smaller smile on his face, “I still do,” You felt something twitch in your chest. Something old and unknown to your mind yet familiar to your soul, “And I know you don’t love me,” Alastor when on, “But I want to change that!” He rocked on his heels then snapped his finger. Suddenly he wasn’t a demon anymore. He was a human, a young man in casual attire, “If you’ll let me, that is, my dear. I want a chance at being in your life again. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy,”
He peered at you through his round glasses. A natural smile rested on his face. He held a hand out towards you. A part of you wanted to take his hand in yours and see what would happen. Another part tould you to run. He was still a demon. Weren’t they supposed to trick you with pretty words?
You shook that thought away because you knew Alastor loved you. The book showed you that he loved your soul more than anything in this world. When you looked up at Alastor’s face, you could even see a small flash of pleading in his eyes. You lifted your hand and barely graced your fingers on his. 
As soon as your skin touched his, Alastor grabbed your hand quickly and pulled you to him. You were brought close to his embrace. Warmth radiated off his body and soon you were swept away into a magical place. Music started to play, you realized it came from Alastor. 
Alastor was dressed in a dark deep crimson red suit and matching bowtie. His glasses were gone and you were dressed in matching a long and elegant dress, the same shade of red as Alastor’s suit. He hummed lowly then you watched him sing. His voice was staticky again as if he was singing on an old radio show, “Alooooone~.... At the edge of a universe humming a tuunnee..... For merely dreaming we were snow...Mhmmm..” He leaned in close and you felt something spark in your heart and travel to your cheeks. Alastor was face to face with you, only inches away, “A siren sooouunds!!! Like the goddess who promises endless apologies of paradise... And only she can make it riiight~” He gave you this look, still inching closer, he sucked in a breath and sang on “So things are different tonight!”
Pianos and music leaked from an unknown source, Alastor pulled you through a portal that you didn’t even see open and suddenly as an orchestra of music played you found yourself in a city you had never seen before, “We’ll go toogeetheerr... In flight!” 
It was as if you were in a magical movie. Stars began to fly around you as you realized you were in a graveyard in a hot and muggy city. Alone. With Alastor. He sung away every problem and worry that came to your troubled mind. His voice was so hypnotic and beautiful. It was like you were under a spell as he grabbed your hand in his and began to dance with you. You watched little ghosts appear from behind gravestones that rose above the ground. Gaves were stacked into each other, with statues and cross decorating them. Little ghosts of all kinds fluttered around as little sparkly stars flustered to life.
“It's Now & Never!” He began to sing again, a smile on Alastor’s face, “A reverie endeavor... awaits somnambulant directives to take the helm!” Suddenly the two of you spun so quickly that everything faded into a blur, “Believe me, darling! !The stars were made for falling!” And like that all the little stars he made began to fall, “Like melting obelisks as tall as another realm~!”
You were still in the graveyard, mesmerized the galaxies that started to form out of seemingly nothing. Music still played and Alastor was dancing some kind of tango with you. A smile grew on your face, you couldn’t stop it. You didn’t know he could be so whimsical and magical. He even started to sing in French (or that’s what you thought) and you had no idea what he was saying but it made your heart race in your chest. 
Suddenly he was singing in English again, “It feels like flying~!” You saw his demonic face flash for only a second, “But maybe we're dyyiiing~! A cosmic confluence of Pyramids hologrammed!! She knows you heard her, staging music murder in line before the show began to be where I am!”
The music changed it’s beat and once again Alastor was leading you through the graveyard. Trees grew all over, most of them were weeping willows. Fireflies began to come out of hiding and they were soon spinning into a swarm, obviously, it was Alastor’s doing. The fireflies shot up into the sky and blew up like fireworks. You could hear the voice of a woman softly singing in the background of the music as jingle bells chimed away. You could barely even understand what the voice was singing. Alastor’s voice drifted into the background but his mouth never opened beside the flash of a toothy grin here and there.
As the music slowed down, Alastor had brought you to a large weeping willow tree that protected a gazebo under its long viny branches. It sounded like you could hear the ocean but you knew it was just a trick.
Alastor quickly brought you close to him, close enough that your chests were touching, his arm snaked around your waist while the other held your hand up in the air. He started to waltz with you, looking down with dark brown eyes and a loving smile on his face, “You look quite divine tonight~!” The fireflies were back, flickering away as they spun around the both of you as you waltzed together, “Here among these vibrant lights! Pure delights surround us as we sail! Signed, yours truly, the whale! Joy mirage's kingdom come...No one left at stake~! Now that existence is on the wake, let's see what we can make!” 
The two of you slowed down, only swaying now. You barely even forgot that Alastor wasn’t a human, he was a stranger to you. But the way it felt to have your hand in his was totally intoxicating. There was a wave of energy that flowed from him and straight into your heart. 
Is this what love felt like? To have someone love you unconditionally and for all of eternity? You couldn’t tell and you weren’t sure if you were ready to know. You just couldn’t stop that little smile on your face as you looked up at him. Alastor was only humming a tune now while giving you the softest smile you had ever seen on his face. 
You had no idea, but this was everything Alastor had been waiting for. A moment like this was priceless, it was almost like he had you back for real this time. He knew not to rush this though, he knew that he had to do this right if he was to ever get you to come back to him.
The fireflies started to fly away save for a few dozen that flickered away under the gazebo roof. Alastor’s body against yours was warm and beating with a pulse of life. His radio heart swelled with love and you could have sworn that he was more human than demon.  
You looked up to him with questions in your eyes, “Where are we?” You finally asked. 
Soft music was still playing, you could hear it coming from Alastor’s body. He hummed and gave you a little spin then brought you back to him, “New Orleans,” He said quietly as if this wasn’t freaking huge.
You gave him a look, a raised brow, “Didn’t you say you were from here?” 
He nodded his head, “I’m actually buried a few rows over,” Why was he so casual about this?
You nearly shook your head as you took a double-take on what he said, “Wait.. like... your body?” He nodded his head again and that soft smile was still on his face, “Can... Can we see?”
The two of you were standing still now. Alastor let go of your hand only to snake his arm under yours, linking you together by the elbow, “Sure, I don’t see why not,” His voice was low and sounded like the purr of a cat... or demon. 
You walked with him, still linked by the arm. This graveyard was so beautiful. It was filled with old statues with patches of moss and dirt scattered across them. It was dark and the sun had set but it’s enchanting colors still scattered across the sky. It made a painting of blues and pinks and purples. You could smell the heavy scent of roses drifting in the wind. 
As you neared a tomb at the end of a road, Alastor slowly came to a stop. The headstone was destroyed on top of the grave liner, shattered and broken into rubble. It even looked like someone cracked open the concert vault and had stolen the bones inside.  The second grave next to it was also broken apart and vandalized. You looked at him with worried eyes but he didn’t seem fazed. 
“I-... I’m sorry,” You started to mumble.
Alastor quickly waved his free hand back and forth, ushering your to stop your worrying, “I’ve already killed the fools who desecrated mine and my mother’s graves. Worry not, my little doe, it’s what one gets for being a serial killer,”
You had almost forgotten about that. It was hard to imagine that Alastor was an infamous serial killer, cannibal and radio show host. 
Lucky for you, google existed and you had done a little research on Alastor. You looked at him as you brought a finger to your chin, “It was.. La-...Lafloor?” You tried to remember what that damn google search said.
Alastor chuckled and suddenly his voice took this deep, southern creole accent, “Alastor Narcisse LaFleur,” It sounded like he was speaking a totally different language, but it was his name. He gazed down at you fondly, amused at your lack of understanding, “I was a radio show host most of my adult life while murdering 51 people in the course of seven years,” He spoke fondly of his life, a look of pride on his face, “However one day I got a tip from a dear old friend that my cover was blown. I ran from the police,” He started to chuckle, “They almost got me, but I got pretty far and POW!,” Then he pretended to shoot himself in the head with a smile, “I did it before they could.” 
What a cruel and ironic way to go. Life had a funny sense of humor. You could not understand why you felt so bad for him. You reached out and dared to touch his arm, but you stopped just short. He had noticed your advancement and gave you a look, “Do not feel sorry for me, my dear, I’m already dead!” At least he made you chuckle, “Please, I’d love to leave this place and take you somewhere nice.”
The idea didn’t sound half bad, “Sure!” You wanted to see where this would go. You couldn’t stop craving the attention he gave you. Something wild and unknown to you called out to be by Alastor’s side and you gave into that call. Perhaps it had something to do with your soul, you guessed, maybe it was because your soul knew Alastor better than you did. That gut feeling you normally ignored grew larger and more apparent. 
You were curious to see what Alastor had instore, you were still linked with him by the arm as the two of your quietly strode out of the graveyard. You couldn’t stop the smile that crawled into your face as you happily gave into the magic and wonder that was Alastor. What else could he possibly have in store? Well, you’d just have to wait and see~
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songfell-ut · 5 years ago
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Chapter 2, bc this is happening
Yo. I’m charging ahead on this project because I’m a terrible mother and my kid is getting a lot of (educational) screen time during the day while my husband works from home and I get this written. It remains based on this comic by @lostmypotatoes​. It’s so long that I split off the end and it’s mutating into Chapter 3. Lots of talking, with Stuff to come of it very soon, no worries.
Now featuring a cut! Thanks (what’s an easy nickname for you? “Lost”? “‘Tatoes?”) for the tip on how to very easily do that.
Lastly, I have login shenanigans to deal with, and have been chatting with Lost (?) using @ikustioa on my phone, so I suppose that’s my blogging/personal handle now. Anyway, here we go:
~
Three nights later, Sans woke with a jerk. Someone in the next room was sobbing. It wasn't a memory or nightmare, he realized a moment later, and it wasn't the priestess; it was a small child, crying so hard that it could barely breathe. Steeling himself, the boss monster slid out of bed and listened intently.
He heard a woman whisper something, and the child's sobs quieted as a familiar sound came through the door. It was the same humming that had de-powered his blaster the other day, though not the same tune. The skeleton took a moment to be sure that the glow in his eyes was out, then cracked the bedroom door open.
Frisk was kneeling, bare-headed, with her arms around a little boy of perhaps eight or nine years. In the light of one lamp on the worktable, Sans saw a dark patch of blood in the child's hair. Frisk glanced at the skeleton, giving him a wan smile, still humming. Sans closed the door enough that the child wouldn't see him.
The priestess waited till the boy had calmed down to the occasional sniffle, then leaned back and reached for something on the table. "I've got a treat for you," she said cheerfully. "Do you like peppermint?"
The child thought it over, and nodded.
"Wonderful, because that's exactly what this is. You'll feel better in no time." She held out a glass bottle. "You can have three big swallows, but only three, all right?"
Well played, Sans thought, framing it as something he got to have, not something he had to take. Sure enough, the little boy gulped it right down, smacking his lips as the young woman retrieved the bottle. "Good. Can you do something very important for me?" she asked. Nod, nod. "Can you lie down and count to one hundred? That'll make the magic work better. Let's go to my office."
The child went with her quite willingly. After a few minutes, the High Priestess re-emerged into Sans' field of vision. Her pleasant expression was gone, replaced with one that actually made him feel a little sorry for whoever had pissed her off. Then he remembered the blood on the kid's head. "Anybody you want me ta kill?" he asked through the door.
"Don't tempt me." Frisk jerked a sheet of paper from a stack on the desk, grabbed a pen, and began writing rapidly.
Sans checked the time. "God damn, what's that kid doing awake at two in the morning?"
"Being beaten." The pen scratched viciously across the page.
He decided to shut up. Frisk soon finished the message, blew the ink dry and folded the paper in thirds, then sealed it and marched to the outer door, where she woke up the guard on duty. Sans heard her reaming the guy about doing his job properly, serving a writ, and not letting a guy out of the castle. She came back in, only to return to the office.
This seemed to be typical for her, as far as Sans could tell, though it usually wasn't this dramatic or this late at night. If she wasn't off at church or giving him lessons, she was talking to someone who needed help and apparently couldn't get it elsewhere. He had yet to see her do something for fun, or sleep more than five hours at a time.
Meanwhile, his daily routine had been surprisingly low-key. The first day, after being flagrantly mind-controlled into agreeing to stay, he'd eaten some more, then slept for another dreamless twenty-four hours. The next morning, she'd let him have another pile of food, then started his apprenticeship by showing him the most common ingredients for potions and how to identify them by sight, as he couldn't smell and didn't have much sense of touch. Yesterday had been a review, emphasizing that a mistake could literally kill someone, and she'd given him a book of basic recipes, asking him to make a list of any ingredients he found that she hadn't already introduced.
It was kind of annoying to have homework, and he was starting to get cabin fever, but otherwise, the whole experience hadn't been too terrible. He was relieved and disappointed that she kept the veil on almost all the time, which reduced the distraction somewhat, though she persisted in having a fantastic shape, and he was really starting to enjoy the sound of her voice. When he could focus enough to ask questions, she was patient and encouraging, and let him use all the paper he wanted to write down the answers. She was obviously pleased that he cared enough to take notes, though not in a smug or irritating way; it just made her happy, and that made him...not unhappy.
It was also still novel to talk to a human who wasn't afraid of him. He hadn't seen many humans up here besides the little boy, and figured they were forbidden to come into her rooms unless they desperately needed help, or could sneak past a sleeping guard. That was fine with Sans, though he'd overheard one cleaning lady being so persistent that he really wanted to come out of the bedroom and tell her to piss off. Unsurprisingly, Frisk had asked him to not do that.
There were only a few real mysteries so far. One was a pile of letters she'd brought in on the second day and tossed into a basket of also-unopened envelopes standing by the roaring fireplace in her workshop. He'd caught her looking at the basket a couple of times, as if debating whether to burn them all, but she never did it, or opened any in front of him.
The biggest question was how she knew he could teleport, and the nature of his blue magic, even if was getting more red than blue these days. He had unthinkingly used the latter to grab a couple things yesterday, and his magic had almost immediately died out. He didn't know exactly how she was doing it, but her barriers weren't just blocking him in: they kept his power so muted that he couldn't have summoned a single bone. It seemed that he'd be allowed to use some magic to make the actual potions, and that was it.
Well, there was time to worry about that later. The injured kid had made him think of Kris again, which made him think of the book passage Frisk had quoted at him. He'd have to ask if she...wait, no, he didn't have to ask. She'd given him carte blanche to read anything he found in her bedroom or workshop. Sans tapped the nearest witchlight on, noting that it was much weaker than the ones Underground, and started perusing the shelves.
Fifteen minutes later, Frisk knocked on the door, waiting for him to grunt acknowledgement before she came in. "I'm sorry for waking you," she said, dropping into her chair with a deep sigh. "There's going to be hell to pay in the morning."
She did look like hell, with bags under her eyes and a smear of blood on her cheek. Sans put the book down and tapped his own face, and she got the hint, rubbing her cheek with the back of her hand. "Ugh. That poor child." She sighed again, curling up and resting her head on the arm of the chair. "I'll wash up in a minute."
"Didn't you just get back from a thing?" he asked, wondering if she was always this cavalier about bodily fluids.
"Yes. His Holiness decided we needed more midnight services, and I have to be there every other night." She rubbed her eyes. "Flynn must have followed me back here. People aren't supposed to know where I live, but word is spreading. At this rate, I'll have to move again."
Sans drummed his fingertips on the bedpost. She'd found an oversized stool to use in the workshop, but there were no armchairs big enough for him, so he spent most of his leisure time on the bed. "Bein' High Priestess sucks. How long ya been at it?"
"Three years. The last Thea was assassinated, and they had to find a replacement as fast as possible. Out of all the minor priestesses available, I was the only one who passed all the tests. It's been...instructive."
"Hm." That didn't surprise him. A human strong enough to block a boss monster's focused attack had to be pretty rare. "How old are ya, anyway?" he asked, suddenly curious.
Her eyes shut. "Twenty-two. I was educated in a convent, ordained at sixeen, High Priestess at nineteen." A mighty yawn was partly hidden in her arm. "Lucky me."
Sans didn't know much about humans, but he was pretty sure that was young as hell for so much responsibility. The problem was that she was good enough to handle it, which meant they'd pile on more and more until she went nuts. "Nah, it sucks ta be you. Any way you can get out of it?"
"Well," she mumbled, eyes still closed, "I can die, or marry, or go back to the convent and become the Mother Superior, which would also be until I die." Frisk yawned again. "The Feast of All Saints is next week. That's when the last High Priestess was murdered."
Something prickled up Sans' spine. "You spend all yer time doin' church stuff, kissing babies and healin' puppies or whatever. Why the hell would anyone wanna kill you?"
"I meant it when I said I have influence in the Church and at court. I don't hate monsters, which is inconvenient for several people, and I'm not quiet about it, which is extremely inconvenient for many more of them. Besides, my natural father is very wealthy, and his other childr—"
"'Natural' father?" he queried. "What, do some humans have unnatural kids?"
Her eyes opened. She looked lovely in the soft light, but troubled and sad, so much that he wished he hadn't asked. "I'm illegitimate. My father never married my mother, and our life was...bad. Very hard, for a very long time." The priestess rubbed her fingertips together, as if seeing more dried blood. "He was a very busy man, but he only has one legitimate heir. After his second wife died, he started tracking down his children born out of wedlock, and it's an open secret that he'll leave each of us a large amount after he passes."
"And whoever's left gets a bigger piece of the pie?" Sans guessed.
"Exactly. As far as I know, there were fourteen or fifteen of us, but magic runs in his side of the family, and most of his children became sorcerers. Almost all of my half-brothers have been killed fighting monsters. Two of my half-sisters blew up in an experiment that went wrong. There are only six of us left, including the—his heir."
Sans' eyes narrowed. "What is it with humans an' explodin' stuff by accident?"
He couldn't read the look on her face. "If we knew the answer to that, history would have taken a much better course."
Of course, that made him think of Kris again. It seemed pretty inevitable, so he might as well ask... "I don't s'pose," he mumbled, "there's a record of the humans who went t'the Underground on that last trip? Maybe what happened to 'em after they got back?"
Frisk raised her head a little. "That depends. We know exactly which nobles, sorcerers, and other dignitaries attended. Do you mean one of them?"
"Nah, this was a servant, I think. Prob'ly. I dunno." The skeleton felt his eyes lighting up again. "He was only 4 or 5. S'comin' up on thirteen years ago, so he'd'a grown up by now."
The priestess frowned. "No one that young was in attendance, so far as I know, and I've read every account that I could find. May I ask why you want to know?"
"Nah." Sans flexed his hand around the bedpost. "Forget it."
Frisk sighed, carving a design into the plush chair with her thumbnail. "Well, I'm afraid the answer is no. There's no record of the servants who came along, except the ones who were killed, and that didn't include any children. You'd have to check with each of the—" She sat up. "Wait. I know someone who was there—my mother. Do you want me to ask her?"
"Hell yes, I do!" Sans' hand tightened, splintering the bedpost. He guiltily released it. "Did she talk much about it? What all did she tell ya? Can I ask 'er a coupla things?"
The priestess laughed, quieting him with a wave of her hand. "Sans, please! She's been very sick recently, and I don't want to excite her too much. I will ask her anything you need to know, thank you. And yes, she talked about it to anyone who'd listen. She's the one who told me all about monsters, and what you're actually like."
Sans sat forward, but she forestalled more questions with another gesture. "First, her name is Rosa. Did you ever meet her?"
It did sound familiar. "I think so. Little, blonde, wore her hair up?"
"That's her. She would've been in charge of any children they brought along, but she never mentioned any of them to me." Frisk tapped her finger on the chair arm. "She did say there were things she wasn't allowed to talk about. She worked for the Duke as a nurse, and she would never disobey him."
He wondered for a moment if that meant the guy was Frisk's father, but was too excited to dwell on it. "What'd she say about us?" he asked curiously.
Frisk hesitated. "Well...she didn't talk very much with individual monsters, but she said the Queen was very kind and made sure to tell each of the humans how glad she was to have them visit. The King was also very courteous. He tried his best not to frighten anyone, and he thought it was rude that the servants weren't allowed to eat with the nobles."
Sans' foot started tapping. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he reluctantly stopped. "Who else?" he demanded.
The next moment, they both heard the office door open into the workshop. "Miss?" came a plaintive voice.
Frisk was at the bedroom door in an instant. "What is it, Flynn?" She closed the door most of the way.
Damn it all to hell. Sans grumpily listened to the child explain that he'd scratched his head and sorry, there was blood on the couch now. Frisk explained that wounds got itchy as they healed, and to please not scratch it, and that it would be much better to wipe his hands on the towel she'd put down than on the furniture. Then he had to be cleaned up again and a bigger bandage applied, and someone was sent for to take the boy somewhere he could sleep safely.
A thought stabbed at him as he listened to the proceedings: that was how she knew he could teleport and zip things around without touching them. King Asgore had insisted the monsters show off their powers in various amusing ways so that the humans would be less afraid of their magic. Sans thought it was a bad idea at the time, and look what came of it!
Frisk eventually came back to the bedroom, drying her hands on her skirt. "Let's cut t'the chase," Sans said quietly as she sat down. "Did she tell ya about any skeletons?"
"Yes." Frisk folded her hands and looked straight at him. "Two brothers, Sans and Papyrus."
Sans laced his fingers together to avoid accidentally destroying anything else. "And...?"
"She liked them very much," Frisk said calmly, "especially Papyrus. Sans was friendly, but she said he watched their every move, and it made them nervous." The priestess smoothed her skirt over her knees. "Papyrus was a joy to be around. He was very full of himself, but there wasn't a mean bone in his body, and he considered it his duty to welcome the humans as much as possible. My mother talked about him more than any other monster." She coughed. "Apparently, his spaghetti was terrible."
"...Sounds about right."
Frisk looked at him sharply. "I wanted to ask you about that, but...are you all right?"
Sans couldn't answer. He'd avoided thinking too much about home, especially the fact that he'd already been gone for a week when he got caught. It'd been easy to tell himself that he could always bust out of here if he needed to, or that the lady would let him send a message or even go have a quick visit before coming back here, but...
"Are you Papyrus' brother?" Frisk asked.
"Yeah," he ground out.
The priestess shook her head. "I don't understand. R—Mother said that Sans was shorter than any of the humans who came to the Underground, and the only boss monsters mentioned in the official histories are Asgore and Toriel. Can you tell me what happened? I wasn't sure if you were the same skeleton, you seem so diff—"
"A lot of shit happened, that's what." Sans lurched to his feet, and she had to tip her head back to look up at him. His sockets were glowing again. "Ya know what? I'm tired, an' you look like crap. Time for night-night." He jerked the door open, rattling the hinges. "Good luck cleanin' up. Blood's a bitch to get out. Trust me, I know."
She rose quietly, folding her hands in the style he recognized from the very first time he'd seen her. "All right, then. Good night, Sans," she said, and walked past him, out of the room.
He didn't slam the doors shut behind her, but it was pretty close.
~
Once she had control of herself again, Frisk wiped her eyes and resumed scrubbing the couch. She kept glancing underneath it, and as she threw yet another towel into the laundry basket, she decided, To hell with it, and pulled the couch aside. A nearly invisible seam in the floor showed where a board could be pried up to access her hidden safe. There was no lid, no lock, and no key, just a solid golden film that vanished when she pressed her thumb into its center.
The High Priestess surveyed the contents: several tight-folded papers, a bag of high-value dinar, a sack of silver ingots, a few pieces of jewelry, and a small box. She selected the box and removed its rosewood lid to reveal a tiny glass orb, something swirling around on its surface like smoke. She stared at it for so long that her knees began aching, but she didn't notice. Her vision blurred again, and she jammed the lid back on the little box, shoving everything back into the safe, re-sealing it, thumping the floorboard into place and pushing the couch back. Not today, she told herself fiercely. She didn't care what Sans said or how he acted. It couldn't be worth it. Nothing could!
~
The next day, after a late breakfast, Frisk quizzed him on the differences between various herbs and powdered animal bits and their uses; they looked over the list he'd made of new ingredients, going through the recipes and identifying how each item worked in each potion. That was the first time she demonstrated how to mix and infuse something, and the first time she warned him, "You have to be careful how you feel when you make potions. Intent is always important when you're using magic—you fully intend to cause damage, and I fully intend to protect, which is why we're good at what we do, yes?"
He shrugged philosophically, and she half-smiled. "Well," she continued, "it's similar when you're making something for someone else to take. If you're in a foul mood and you want to cause harm, or you simply don't want the person to get better, you might as well be concocting poison, or giving them water. Of course, your feelings don't matter if you're just throwing herbs into a pot, but these work as well as they do because you're putting a tiny bit of yourself into it. You have to make sure that it's a good bit."
"Pretty sure all my bits are bad by now," Sans remarked. "How's about I make some poison instead?"
Frisk shook her head, leaning over the table. "No one is all bad, Sans. Here." She took the glass stirrer out of the miniature cauldron bubbling away in the middle of their workspace. "I'll infuse it now. Watch."
He did observe closely as she bent forward, though probably not the way she'd intended; he just made sure he was looking at the potion when she glanced up at him. "Try thinking of someone you care for, and imagine it's for them." She opened her hand over the cauldron and, to his surprise, let out a low whistle, piercingly sweet.
A mote of light drifted from her palm and settled into the mixture. It seemed to sparkle for a moment, then resumed being a potion. When he concentrated, though, he could feel a little tingle of magic in it. "I won't ask you to try it till you have better control of your emotions," she said. "Right now, you're so angry that I don't know what would happen."
A different note had crept into her voice. Sans shifted his bony weight on the stool. "S'not like I can help it."
"Perhaps," she said. "You probably don't even notice it anymore. It's become a part of you, through whatever stuff has happened since the humans left the Underground. And before you ask, my mother is ill again. We can't speak with her until she's better."
There it was; he'd wondered if she was going to pretend he'd never snapped at her. "Well, you can only ask me so many personal questions before I get touchy, lady. Frisk." He tapped the worktable a couple of times. "Look, I know ya have a lot on yer plate, an' havin' to deal with me isn't much help. I just want t'know...is there any way to tell the others I'm not dead or somethin'? My brother's gotta be out of his mind by now, and I don' want someone comin' after me and gettin' caught."
Frisk shook her head, and his SOUL sank to the floor. "I'm sorry, Sans, but that's out of the question," she said, soft but firm. "Our King has forbidden any humans from coming within a day's walk of the entrance to the Underground, and let's be very honest—what would happen if a human came up to you out of nowhere and said they had an important message to give the monsters?"
Sans' jaw clenched so hard that the priestess put her hand out, not quite touching his arm. "Sans, please. If there was any way to—"
"Forget it, okay? Just...never mind." The skeleton glared at the windows facing out from the workroom. Like everything else in this damn place, they were too small for him to fit more than his head through. He'd gone through this in his own mind a dozen times: even if he could break through the wood and stone, he could sense the barrier set behind the wall to block his shortcuts. The one along the outside wall was heavier than the ones in the bedroom, which were permeable, purely there to track his movements. It was debatable whether this one could be physically broken with...something, but the moment he tried, she would know he was trying and stop him with a stronger barrier.
Hmm. What if...what if he waited till she wasn't here and couldn't get back in time to stop him? If he broke through when she was distracted, and far enough away – say, doing her church stuff in the middle of the night – then there wouldn't be much she could do. He could escape and decide later whether he wanted to come back or—
Wait. Come back? What the hell was he thinking? Why would he choose to be locked up by any human? No matter how pretty, and gutsy, and sweet and nice-voiced and...
Crap.
Anyway. He wouldn't come back. He'd have to be sure to grab his notes and a few books for Alphys; Frisk could always get more copies. He already had plenty to report to King Asgore, though he felt a little uneasy about letting ol' Gorey know that the most powerful barrier-making human was a determined sorceress whose SOUL could probably make you invincible. Actually, he felt a lot uneasy. Maybe he'd keep that to himself for now.
Too bad he couldn't bring her with him...
"...ans. Sans?" Frisk was touching his radius. She'd lifted her veil, large brown eyes turned up to his. "Are you all right?"
Sans studied her for a long moment, reflecting that Papyrus had always wanted a pet. The idea was more appealing than he'd have liked to admit; he had to dismiss it with a shake of his head, and shake it again to get it loose. "'m fine, kid. Remind me what this stuff was for?" After all, he thought darkly, he'd always told Pap no. Pets were too much trouble, especially if you got attached to them. Besides, what would they feed her?
A knock on the outer door startled them both. Before Frisk could respond, the door opened, and in strode a tall, thin man in dark robes, holding a box under his arm. "High Priestess. Honored guest," the man said in a cool, whispery voice, giving them a short bow.
"Dr. Serif? This is a surprise," the High Priestess responded, replacing the veil as she stood up. "I wasn't expecting you so early. Sans, this is Dr. Serif, the royal sorcerer. Doctor, please meet Sans the skeleton."
The man regarded Sans with mild curiosity. "I am very pleased to see you again, Sans the skeleton. Has Her Eminence been treating you well?"
"Uh...yeah," said Sans, nonplussed. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
The royal sorcerer bowed again. He was unnervingly pale, the effect enhanced by dark eyes and long black hair framing his face. "I helped transport you from your cell to this room."
"It took magic," Frisk said helpfully.
He'd figured as much; magic was the only way humans could do any damn thing. The boss monster looked at the box under the doctor's arm, which had a strange feel to it. He couldn't tell what it was, but he knew he didn't like it.
"This is for you, as we discussed, Your Eminence," the man said smoothly. "I will leave it in your office."
Frisk looked so uncomfortable that Sans glanced at the sorcerer, but nothing was visibly wrong. The man ignored them both, striding past the table and opening the door to her office. They heard rustling, and the doors closing as he stepped back into the workroom. "That will be all. Good day, my lady, Sans." With another bow, the doctor turned and left.
"Weirdo," said the ten-foot skeleton. He found he didn't want to look away from the door lest the guy come back and catch him unawares. He hadn't been threatening, but something about him was very off.
"He's...unique." Frisk sat down again. "Now, this infusion is almost ready. We'll leave it at room temperature for another ten minutes or so before we stir it again. In the meantime, you can add two drops of peppermint oil, mint, orange or lemon extract..."
~
The rest of the day passed without major incident. Frisk had to stop in the middle of concocting a burn salve and leave Sans to finish it, though she cautioned him not to infuse it yet. She rather envied him; she had to walk to the other side of the castle to go over her parish's monthly accounts, balancing foot-long columns of tiny numbers to check that tithes and alms had come in and gone out properly. They never quite did, though it had gotten better in the past year, as she had made it increasingly clear that she was not interested in stealing from the poor or turning a blind eye to it, even for a few hundred extra dinar in her own column.
The attempts at bribery were particularly insulting because she didn't need it. The realm's High Priestess was entitled to half a percent of the Church's total monthly income, and through the magic of frugality and compound interest, her personal fortune had grown to the point where she didn't want to use any of it. Life was so strange; as a small child, she had only eaten once every couple of days, and now she could decide not to buy her own estate and maintain a huge staff for it.
She was starting to wonder, though, about a rumor she'd heard regarding several hundred acres of land that would supposedly be up for sale in the next few months. They were principally wheat and barley fields, no more than two days' walk from the Underground's main entrance. That was food for thought, indeed.
Frisk eventually finished and stopped by the kitchens on her way back to her room. Sans was still wary of what he ate, and she took care to have more than one damned fork now when she tasted his food for him. She wasn't worried for herself: if she didn't have time to eat in the kitchen, she routinely paid several of the staff a bit extra to make sure that everything they brought her had come straight from the pot or the pan, with no chance for someone to add any surprises.
That had felt hypocritical at first, but she'd soon realized that she couldn't rely on people's consciences or sense of duty to keep her safe. Many, like the guard captain, were loyal for loyalty's sake, but many more of them needed external motivation, and she was helping the cooks and servers support their families. And she wasn't literally stealing from orphans to do it!
An overstuffed basket sat outside her chambers, and the guard hastened to open the door and push it inside for her. Frisk carried the tray to the table, setting it by Sans' elbow as he compared nearly identical recipes in two separate books. Then she dragged the laundry basket over, pulling a sail-like garment out end over end. "Here you are," she said around an armful of fabric.
The skeleton looked up, scowling at the interruption. "Wha?"
"This is for you." Frisk tried to hold up an enormous shirt, then an enormous set of trousers. "I had them measure your clothes when we washed them for you. They made you another set."
Sans slowly got up and took the shirt from her, holding it against himself. It was sturdy linen, almost as thick as the canvas shirt he wore now and much softer. The skeleton turned it this way and that, poking the material. "What's this for?"
Pause. "It's a shirt," said Frisk. "It goes on the top half of your body. Humans need it for protection against the elements, and modesty, but for you, it's principally so that you have a shirt on."
He acknowledged her smartassery with a respectful nod. "I mean, wasn't this a pain to make? I hope nobody expects me t'pay fer this. Not my fault if what I got on ain't pretty enough for ya."
"Oh, it was. Getting something that size made up so quickly cost me more than I paid for all the clothes I've had this year combined. But you're not a slave, you're my apprentice. That means you're working for me, and I'm keeping track of your wages. It'll take a while to pay this off—" Frisk stuck her arm through one of the trouser legs, flapping it to shake it out. "—but I think you'll manage it before you leave."
Sans had another odd expression. "Yer payin' me for the stuff I make? I thought apprentices were the ones payin' to learn."
"I consider the knowledge you'll bring back to the Underground to be your apprenticeship fee, and as this arrangement wasn't your idea in the first place, we're bending the rules," she said patiently. "I see you've made three sets of burn salve, two of which look useable, and you're almost done with a cough elixir. Fair market value for those is about ten dinar total, so minus the infusion I'll do for you, you've earned about seven already."
"Hm." He scratched the side of his head. "What am I payin' you for my food?"
Frisk laughed, shaking out the other leg. "The pleasure of your company." At his blank stare, she shook her head and uncovered the tray. "No one charges their apprentice for room and board, Sans." The priestess put down the trousers, picked up the fork and leaned in for a bite of baked fish.
The skeleton pulled the tray away, making her stab the table instead. "If I owe ya money, you're definitely not gonna poison me," he pointed out, and began shoveling it in.
"You're right," Frisk said gravely, trying and failing to hide her grin. "I'm glad you've had time to mullet over."
Sans pounded the table with his free fist, rattling the glass vials. "Might as well, just for the halibut. Right?"
She covered her mouth with the back of her hand. "That was weak. Think of a better one and let minnow," she said around it.
"You're right," he said, and waited for her to take a bite before he added, "We really need to scale back."
They had to stop laughing long enough to eat. By the time dinner was over and Frisk had carried the dishes out, both were relaxed enough to be sleepy. "Dunno why I keep wantin' to go t'bed, all I've done is read 'n catnap," mumbled Sans, trudging into the bedroom and flopping onto the mattress. "'m not even usin' my damn magic."
"You're eating human food, so your body is getting more nutrition and working harder to process it," Frisk pointed out, settling into her chair. "Mother said the humans all had to eat more to stop being hungry Underground." She tried not to burp out loud. "Besides, you're probably still recovering from the energy you spent being captured and then trying to kill me. Thrice."
"Yeah, sorry 'bout that." The skeleton stretched all the phalanges of his toes, flexing them in turn. "Probably won't do it again," he added truthfully.
"Thank you." Frisk also stretched her legs out, Sans noticing how absurdly tiny her feet were as she got up from her chair with the recipe book. She reached down to dog-ear the page they were on. "Well, I—"
He whisked the book out of her hand and flipped it open to smooth the page out. "Use a bookmark, woman! What are ya, some kinda barbarian?"
"It's an old book! They're all creased anyway," she argued, trying to take it back. He held it over his head, roughly a mile out of reach. "All right, then, fine," she said with a smirk. "I'm going to take a bath. Read through and find five more ingredients to discuss when I get back." She shut the door on quiet skeletal griping, smiling to herself.
~
The next day passed in a similar fashion, at least outwardly. Frisk took careful note of everything Sans made, ignoring his suggestion to dock him the price of the ingredients when he screwed up; luckily, he was catching on fast, even if she wouldn't let him infuse anything yet. She also wouldn't tell him how much his new clothing had cost, saying only that she'd let him know when he broke even. What really got his attention was her adding, "If you make enough money, we'll send a few bushels of wheat back with you. No one can be upset that you were gone for so long if you come bearing gifts, can they?"
Sans was glad he didn't have facial muscles or anything similar to betray his inner turmoil. He'd had a lot of second thoughts last night about bashing his way out of here, due in small part to the new outfit and the possibility of bringing food to the Underground, but mostly because she was working her brain-magic on him again, being attractive and kind and easy to talk to like the terrible, sadistic person she was...not. She was not remotely terrible or sadistic, and that was the problem. He still didn't understand it, or how it was getting worse so much quicker than he'd anticipated. He just wanted to get away before she entangled him any further.
Then he'd started thinking of Snowdin right before he fell asleep, and for the first time since he'd been captured, he had dreamed of home. He dreamed their house was cold and dark, with no one upstairs and a single light on in the kitchen. A female form was silhouetted in the kitchen doorway, hands on hips, facing something slumped over the side of the couch. "C'mon, Pap. He's probably just out on another hunting trip," she argued.
"...IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?" The thin, nasal voice hurt Sans' SOUL, and not just because he'd desperately wanted to hear it again. This wasn't his boisterous, indomitable, recklessly cheerful brother; this was a small, heartsick Papyrus, one Sans hadn't seen or heard in a long, long time. The last time it happened, at least Sans had been there for him. Now Sans was gone, too.
"Hunting animals, Papyrus! He's hunting animals. Not humans." The woman thumped the wall for emphasis, knocking little bits of plaster from the ceiling. Dammit, Sans had told her to quit doing that. "That's gotta be it. We don't eat humans, and he knows how bad the food situation is, right? So..."
"I DON'T CARE WHAT HE'S DOING. ...WELL. NOT MUCH." The skeleton heaved a sigh, raising his face from the couch cushion. "...UNDYNE, I...I CAN'T REACH HIM. IF HE'S ALL RIGHT, WHERE IS HE?"
And then something had seeped out of the darkness and gently enclosed Sans' mind, blotting out the dream like a sponge on spilled water. He had woken up knowing that it wasn't a dream, and was instantly enraged—he'd been so grateful that the nightmares had stopped, and too damn stupid to figure out that she'd set a barrier up against external influences, including dreams shared with Pap. He'd ponder the full ramifications of it blocking nightmares another day; the memory of his brother's expression had decided him. Agreement or no agreement, he was getting out of here tonight.
Of course, he couldn't pack up the stuff he needed before their lesson was done, or right afterward. He wasn't worried about giving himself away: as an accomplished bullshitter, he knew he was behaving perfectly normally. The moment dinner was cleared away, he called dibs on the bathroom, which had a nice, huge tub that he wanted to use one more time. When he was done and she'd gone in and locked the door – and after the usual stab of curiosity as to what she looked like outside of clothes – Sans quietly put everything he wanted into a satchel he'd found under the worktable, and stowed it behind the door in the bedroom, where he had to wait until she was done getting dressed.
The one odd thing was that after she emerged from her dressing room in her full priestess-y regalia, she went into her office and spent a few minutes doing nothing that he could hear, after which she was wearing a different brooch. She'd had a white one on the first day they met, but this one shone with a greyish light under her veil.
"Goin' so soon?" he asked carelessly. It was ten o'clock.
She smiled. "If my duties only included saying words and a few songs, I would sleep much easier. There's always someone to speak to before and after services."
"Gotcha. Well, have fun. 'm gonna read somethin' with a damn bookmark 'fore I go to bed—I forgot t'ask, mind if I try ta make a few things while you're not here?"
"Go right ahead. You'll pay for it if you burn down my workroom, so I'm trusting you to behave." Was he imagining a weird little inflection there? No, she looked totally wonderful. ...Normal. She looked totally normal. "Good night, Sans," she said, adjusting her veil.
"G'night, Frisk." He stretched out on the bed as she shut the door.
That was it, then. He might not ever see her again. It...wasn't a good feeling. In fact, it felt pretty bad. Time to quit feeling it, think of Pap, and focus on his plan of action.
The plan: well, for starters, it would be dumb to try breaking out immediately. He wished he knew exactly where the chapel was. He'd heard occasional church-type singing off in the distance, but that didn't give him an idea of how far away she'd be during the service, or for exactly how long. Instead, he watched the clock and fidgeted, as nervous as the first time he'd faced down a group of human sorcerers.
Maybe this was a dumb idea. Maybe he should just ask her to take down the barrier keeping him from dreaming with Papyrus, just for one night. She was too kind to refuse, and intelligent enough...
...to ask him for more information in exchange. Frisk knew he used to be a normal monster, and might think to ask if he'd always been able to speak across dreams; it wouldn't be too far a stretch for her to keep questioning how he became a boss monster. She'd also realize that if she let him communicate with other monsters, he could tell them several things that she would prefer they not know, including her identity and full capabilities. It was one thing for her to take a calculated risk and let him go back to the Underground with that information, or – much more likely – to make him forget it before he left; some humans had the ability to excise bits of memory like that. It'd be another thing entirely to permit a conversation that no one else could even hear. She was nice, not stupid.
So Sans waited until eleven forty-five, and then he sat in the workroom with the satchel looped around his wrist for another ten minutes, nerves humming. Then he got up, went to the double doors leading out of her rooms, and silently picked up a seven-foot decorative statue standing at the room's threshold, wedging it inward across the doorframe. He went back to the workroom, judged the weakest place in the outside wall, reared back, and slammed his fist directly between two of the windows.
~
Frisk had started to relax as the organist began playing and incense floated in the chapel air. She was opening her mouth for the first hymn when a warning note sounded in the back of her mind: the barrier to her workroom's outside windows was tingling, and then it suddenly burned away, the warning note sliding all the way up to a full-blown klaxon.
She gritted her teeth so hard that it hurt, controlling her expression with a supreme effort as the voice in her head screamed, Sans, you two-faced sack of fertilizer!
The only good thing about the situation was that she wasn't leading this service. Therefore, it was odd, but not completely conspicuous, when she stepped to the back of the choir, touched her new brooch, and vanished.
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7-wonders · 5 years ago
Text
Blame It On My Youth
Summary: You’ve seen enough of Michael’s world to last you three lifetimes. Now, it’s time to show him some of your world.
Word Count: 4907
A/N: Did that sound a bit like the Little Mermaid? Yes. Do I care? No. Hope you guys enjoy, feedback is always appreciated and, if you feel so inclined, I would love if you reblogged, liked, and commented.
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Read Mad Love (part one) HERE | Read Totally F***ed (part two) HERE | Read The Isle of Flightless Birds (part three) HERE | Read A Hard Day’s Night (part four) HERE | Read Pour One Out (part five) HERE | Read Where Angels Fear to Tread (part six) HERE | Read Naked & Afraid (part seven) HERE | Read Ironically Alive (part eight) HERE
Out of all of the fantasy books that you read as a child, none was more frustrating than Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland. It was a fine book, filled with whimsy and adventure, all things that a child can devour like candy, but one particular passage captured your attention and warranted your problem-solving abilities for an entire week after you first finished the book. The famous question of “why is a raven like a writing desk?,” posed by the Mad Hatter to young Alice at their tea party, drove you nearly as mad as a Hatter in trying to solve it. It’s not as if there was an answer; the protagonist, herself, declared that “I think you might do something better with the time than wasting it in asking riddles that have no answers,” but you were determined to be the first to solve this unsolvable riddle. Obviously, you didn’t solve the riddle, and the answer still eludes you to this day. You haven’t thought about that old riddle for quite some time, but your current predicament, and the amount of time spent thinking about it, gives you an odd sense of deja vu and reminds you of Lewis Carroll’s question with no answer.
It’s been two weeks since your trip to the Murder House, and your mind has spun with hundreds of questions that seem to have no answer. Michael, of course, hasn’t been any help at all. The man seems to be a walking paradox; when you don’t need him, he’s impossible to get rid of, and on the rare occasion that you do need him, he can’t be reached. You’ve been able to talk to him, your weekend visits to his mansion forcing you to make some conversation, but Michael has diverted every question you’ve shot at him. He doesn’t get mad that you’re constantly coming up with questions that, to you, have no answers, which only confuses you even more. Although you shouldn’t be pushing your luck after his show of mercy at his childhood home, you feel that you’re entitled to some answers.
Michael, the infuriating, confounding, caring husband that he is, has patiently reminded you time and time again that your finals are more important than any questions you may have. You hate it when he’s right, especially when he pulls out the contract and points out that it was you who made it a point to refuse dropping out of school. Your questions, he tells you, can be answered after you’ve finished the semester and gotten the grades you know you’re capable of. If you’re being honest, at this point you would take a year of being trapped in the Murder House over a week of finals (“Your dramatics truly never get old,” Michael commented dryly when you complained to him during a study break on Sunday). Finals week, you’ve decided, is certainly the work of Michael’s father.
Regardless of your opinions on the week of tests that largely decide your grades, the feelings of joy and relief that flood through you upon walking out of the classroom in which your last final of the semester was held. You have a high enough grade in the class to be able to keep your ‘A’ even if you flunk and, if you were brave, you would have just completely skipped the final. Worst-case scenarios, however, prevented you from doing so and made sure that you actually studied for this test. No matter how you did on the tests, you walk across campus feeling like you’re floating on air. No more school for an entire summer! The bliss that accompanies a last day of school does not, thankfully, fade with age.
Part of you wants to literally put the school in your rearview mirror and stay at least a mile away for three months straight, but you’re also a good person who promised to meet her friends for lunch and isn’t about to back out of a commitment. College dining halls, contrary to popular belief, are not nearly as clique-y as high school lunch rooms. Although there’s a few tables that everyone knows the athletes sit at, the rest of the tables are up for grabs. This can make things difficult when you’re one of the last to an already-packed dining hall and you have to awkwardly stand in the middle of the room while you search for your ‘group.’ Having friends like yours makes this move a lot easier, waving at you to get your attention once they notice that you’re looking around for them.
“You had finals today, right? How’d they go?” Kate and Brennan sit across from you, a bowl of cucumbers sitting between them. You grab at one when you take your own seat, deciding a water-based vegetable is better than nothing.
“They went okay, especially considering they were my last finals,” you reply, glancing around the table to catalogue who is and isn’t here. It’s the usual crew, but you take note of a new face. Shooting Kate a glance, she quickly picks up on your question.
“Oh yeah, you two haven’t met before! (Y/N), this is Mallory. She’s in my Russian Lit class, her other friends have already left for the summer so I invited her to come sit with us today.”
Mallory’s beautiful, her large doe-like eyes and golden leaf headband nestled in her brown locks giving her the appearance of some sort of angel. She’s wearing a black dress that’s cinched with a belt that matches the headband, her outfit looking like it costs as much as a couple of textbooks.
“Hi, I’m (Y/N),” you smile warmly, Mallory returning your smile and waving at you.
“It’s really nice to meet you, (Y/N),” she says.
“Why haven’t I seen you around campus before?” Although it’s a large and populated college, you’re sure that you would have remembered seeing someone as unique as Mallory.
“Oh, we must just run in different circles.” The buzzing of your phone draws your attention from the conversation, sending Mallory an apologetic look before checking the notification.
“How did your tests go?” You can’t help the smile when you see Michael’s message, thumbs flying across the keyboard to type a reply.
“I think they went really well, thanks!” 
Barely thirty seconds pass before Michael’s responded, and you stifle a laugh at the mental image of Michael sitting at his desk and just waiting for you to check your texts. 
“You should call me when you get a chance, maybe we can go out and celebrate?” After the Murder House escapade, you had become a lot more lenient with your “two phone calls a week” rule. Sometimes it’s actually you that calls him first, much to the shock and surprise of both of you. 
“Wow, our second date? Amazing, maybe we can even go steady after this lmao,” you can’t help the sarcasm, especially not when the opportunity is right there.
“-and--(Y/N),” Kate whines, drawing your attention back to the people in front of you.
“I was listening!” You unconvincingly insist.
“Really? What was I talking about, then?”
“Um...Brennan?”
“No, but nice try. I was talking about the end-of-year party at Colin and Noel’s.” Colin and Noel are two best friends who live together and, at least once a month, throw the type of parties that are the stuff of legends. The first, and only, time you went to one, Noel got so drunk that he body slammed himself onto the pong table, somebody tried to crowd surf, and multiple people ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. 
That was on a regular Saturday in January.
“I don’t know, Kate, I’m still trying to recover from Thirsty Thursday at the Stadium House.”
“That was almost a month ago.”
“That’s the point,” you say jokingly. “But really though, I don’t like crazy parties, and I’d rather not deal with the cops.”
“They’ve scaled their parties back so much since the last time you came to one! No hospital visits related to events at their house, even!”
“Really?” You can’t help but be skeptical at her claim. 
“Really. Listen, you don’t even have to stay for long, but I’d really like to hang with you one last time before I go back home for the summer.” Kate smiles when you sigh, knowing she has you. A good chunk of your friends are all going off to the far corners of the country for the break, and this will probably be the last time that you’re all together for three months. 
“Alright, let me talk with, uhh--yeah, I should be able to swing by for a bit,” your friends don’t know about Michael yet, and you’d prefer to keep it that way.
“Yay!” Kate squeals, drumming her hands on the table in excitement. 
“I should get going.”
“I’ll see you tonight though, right?”
“...Right.”
“Are you going to the parking lot? I’ll walk with you if you are,” Mallory says, a twinge of guilt running through you at the realization that you practically forgot about the poor girl.
It’s impossible for you to say no, and you find yourself walking side by side with Mallory towards the parking lot. It’s a bit of an awkward silence, as it usually is when two people who don’t really know each other are left alone.
“Seriously though, how have we not met before? Are you a freshman?” You ask.
“No, but this is my first semester here. I transferred from a school in New Orleans.”
“Oh, I love New Orleans! I went there for a week last year, it was amazing.”
“Yeah, I, uh,” Mallory looks down towards her heeled shoes, nodding, “I miss it a lot.” Your heart aches at the sudden look of homesickness on your new friend’s(?) face, causing you to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“Well, at least the school year’s over and you can go home now.”
“Actually, I think I’m sticking around for the summer. My aunt thinks it’s good for me to get out of New Orleans and out of my comfort zone. My best friend Coco’s letting me stay with her.” Mallory’s phone starts to ring, and she laughs when she looks at the caller ID. “Speak of the devil; it’s my aunt.”
“I’ll see you at the party tonight?” Mallory nods. 
“See you tonight, (Y/N).” Mallory watches you continue towards the parking lot, only answering her phone when you’ve rounded the corner. “Hey, Cordelia...Yeah, it’s her alright.”
////////////////////////////
Michael, as per usual, is in his office when you arrive at his home. Even though he has no logical way of knowing that you’ve arrived, the opening of his office door before your hand even makes contact with the knob gives you the sneaking suspicion that his Antichrist powers give him an advantage. You stroll in, Michael looking a little too nonchalant as he reads through some papers on his desk.
“Some serious Cooperative business?” You ask, falling into a chair on the other side of his desk. 
“You could say that,” he looks up at you, smiling. “How was your last day of the semester?”
“It was fine, finals were fine, it’s all fine, fine, fine.” You spin yourself in the chair, head falling back as you watch the blur of the ceiling above you.
“That’s a mood.” Stopping suddenly, you look at Michael in surprise before laughing loudly.
“Look at you, catching up on your slang!”
“Figured I’d try and actually learn what you were talking about.”
“Speaking of ‘moods,’ I might have something that would help to raise both of ours.” Michael raises an eyebrow, urging you to continue. “Some...friends of a friend are throwing a huge party tonight for the end of the year. Would you wanna go? I know you had talked about celebrating, but maybe we could celebrate this way?”
“You want me to go to a...college party? The same type of party that you drunk-called me from and where I had to get you from?”
Your face heats up at the reminder. “I’m not even going to be drinking at this party, I learned my lesson last time. Look, I know that you didn’t have the most normal upbringing, so maybe this could be your chance to experience some of the things you missed out on. You can’t tell me that you’re perfectly fine with going from a child to running your father’s army and planning the apocalypse practically overnight.”
Michael’s thinking about what you’ve said, which you’re not sure is good or bad yet. You know that you’ve made some good points, and he knows that you’ll go to the party even if he doesn’t. Maybe this is a question with no answer, like so many that you’ve encountered lately. Michael and parties don’t seem like they’d mix, and it’s impossible for you to read his mind like you can read his.
“Will I be out of place there?”
“Michael, there’s going to be so many people there that nobody will even look at you twice.” A lie; Michael’s far too beautiful for just one look.
“What time?” You aren’t even aware that you were holding your breath until he sighs and looks at you again.
“Really?” Michael nods. “Uh, probably nine or ten?”
“Is there not a set time for these parties?”
“Not really, just whenever people show up.” You stand up, smiling widely at Michael’s sudden apprehension and choosing to leave before he can change his mind. “I’ll leave you to your work!”
The good thing about being at the home of your Antichrist husband is that your wardrobe is limitless. A red satin top and a pair of black jeans (tightened with a Gucci belt, because how are you not going to take advantage of that?) is dressy, yet casual enough to be worn at a college party. When you trek down the stairs at a quarter to nine on a quest to scrounge around the kitchen for a quick meal, you’re not at all surprised to see Michael standing at one of the counters.
“You haven’t gotten dressed yet?” You ask, hopping up on the counter next to him and tearing apart a bread roll before popping a bite in your mouth.
“I figured I could just wear this to the party.” Michael’s expression sours when you laugh.
“I’m sorry, I promise I didn’t mean to laugh! It’s just--if you don’t want to attract a bunch of attention, then I wouldn’t suggest wearing a cloak, a suit, and a pair of red bottoms.” He looks down at his outfit, as if suddenly realizing how overdressed he is.
“But...I don’t know what else to wear?”
“C’mon, I’m sure we can find something in your closet for you to wear.” Michael hesitates when you grab his hand, obviously unsure of what to do next. “Kind of need you to lead the way, since I’m assuming your closet is in your bedroom that I’ve never been to before.”
“Right! Let’s go.”
The uncertainty that you feel at the threshold of Michael’s bedroom holds you back like a tether. It’s not as if anything unscrupulous is going to be happening, but the idea of invading the sanctity of your husband’s private bedroom is a little jarring. Peeking into the room, you’re reminded of a conversation you had with Michael during your first weekend here.
“Does every room look like this?” An unspoken question dangles in the air: does your room look like this? Michael grins widely, but it’s devoid of any of the emotions that a regular smile would accompany. It’s the smile of the devil. 
“Guess you’ll have to find out for yourself, won’t you?” He chuckles at the withering glare you give him, loping back towards the door and resting a hand on the silver handle. 
“So, every room does look the same,” you comment with a smirk, finally getting over your sudden fear and following Michael into his room.
“I had to have a little mystery surrounding me.” Michael smiles. “Are you going to help me or not?”
////////////////////////////
“Everybody here is in khaki shorts and printed shirts,” Michael hisses in your ear. Your hand grips Michael’s firm bicep, and you give it a teasing squeeze.
“Yeah, and you look a thousand times better than them. You always do.” Cars were already inconspicuously-but-not-really parked up and down the block, and you have to maneuver through at least fifty people just in the entryway and the living room. “College guys don’t really have a sense of style.”
“So I won’t lose you to one of these ‘boys,’ then?” Michael’s style, in your opinion, is timeless. You managed to work with his formal wardrobe, finding a white t-shirt and pairing it with an unbuttoned black shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows (although that part may be totally self-serving), and his black jeans are cuffed into a pair of boots. He still looks more formal than everyone else, but it’s way better than him showing up in a goddamned cloak.
“You never even had me in the first place,” you chuckle, shooting Michael a playful wink. “C’mon, let’s see if we can find any of my friends around here.”
There’s coolers set up in the kitchen to keep the different cans and bottles cool, as well as an array of liquor on the kitchen island. Michael looks like a fish out of water, standing around awkwardly while you start peeking into the coolers.
“I thought you said you weren’t drinking,” Michael comments.
“I’m not, I’m just trying to find some soda or water.”
“(Y/N)!” You turn around, smiling when you see Noel standing before you.
“Hey, bud.” Noel, one of two party throwers of legend, is a shorter guy who makes up for his lack of height with his absolute insane stockpile of never ending energy. His black hair is always carefully gelled and combed into place, and he dresses like a middle-aged rich dad who’s going boating for the weekend.
“Who’s your friend? If he’s a part of Sig Tau, he needs to get outta here before Colin sees him, because Colin still has a huge problem with--”
“No, don’t worry, he doesn’t go to our school.” Noel nods, drumming his hands on the table and picking up a bottle of tequila.
“In that case, can I get you two some shots?”
“I don’t know, Noel, I wasn’t really planning on drinking tonight.”
“C’mon, (Y/N), one shot’s not gonna get you fucked up. I’ve seen you drink before, you’re barely even gonna get buzzed.” He winks, already knowing that you’re going to say yes when you sigh.
“Two shots, then.”
Noel expertly pours two shots, sliding them your way with a friendly “enjoy” before leaving to continue his hosting rounds.
“What’s Sig Tau? Is that some sort of a cult?” Michael asks once Noel’s gone.
“It’s a fraternity, so close.” You slide a shot to Michael and pick up your own, downing it with a grimace. Michael just stares apprehensively at the clear liquid in the shot glass. “Are you not going to drink that?”
“What is it? It looked like you were drinking gasoline.”
“It’s tequila, which is kind of the same thing.”
“If I die, I’m holding you responsible.” Michael throws his own shot back, coughing and hacking as you cheer. “Satan, that was terrible. Why do people drink that?”
“I dunno,” you shrug, grabbing two bottles of water from a cooler and tossing one to Michael, “quick little buzz, palate cleanser, there’s a million different reasons.”
Michael grabs your hand and pulls you out of the way when a girl, clearly already drunk, nearly bumps into you on her search for another drink. She mumbles an apology, choosing to take the whole bottle of Jack Daniels with her instead of pouring it into one of the hundreds of red Solo cups stacked on the counter. His blue eyes meet yours and you both chuckle, silently agreeing to move out of the cramped kitchen and somewhere with less people. While the living room’s not any better, you do manage to run into Kate and Mallory.
“You made it!” Kate exclaims, pulling you from Michael to hug you. Her eyes are wide while also managing to droop at the same time, and you can almost guarantee that she’s crossed. 
“I told you I would be here,” you say, giggling when Kate affectionately boops your nose. Mallory’s standing awkwardly to the side, eyes flickering between you and Michael. Kate also seems to pick up on her friend’s sudden change in demeanor, and smirks when she notices the man trailing behind you.
“And just who is this, (Y/N)?”
“Oh, this is my--uh, my friend Michael.” ‘Friend’ seems like a good term to settle on; you can’t explain your true relationship, Michael is not your boyfriend, and ‘acquaintance’ would be weird to say. Kate wiggles her eyebrows at you, sticking her hand out for Michael to take.
“Helloooo, (Y/N)’s friend Michael.”
“So, do you two have the same classes?” Mallory asks politely.
“No, Michael isn’t in college. He...well, he does--”
“I work for my father,” Michael interjects, smiling down at you. “I’m learning the ropes before I take over for him.” It’s technically not a lie, and you’re impressed until you remember that this must be one of his Antichrist powers. Mallory nods, but you can see a hint of something--doubt, or maybe suspicion?--in her eyes. Kate gasps before anymore words can be exchanged, grabbing yours and Mallory’s hands excitedly.
“I love this song! Dance with me, please!” You don’t really have a choice, the small woman amazingly strong when she wants to be. You look back at Michael apologetically, but he just smiles and gestures for you to go with. 
The familiar bass that underlays all hip-hop songs thumps loudly through you, acting as some sort of an electric charge. Where you had once been bored and ready to quietly slip out of the front door, you’re now controlled by the beat of the song. The congregation of partiers who have also decided to dance grows larger with each passing second, enveloping your trio in the middle. While the dancing isn’t so much dancing as it is bouncing in time with the rhythm, it’s carefree in a way that you didn’t know you needed until now. Mallory takes your hands, both of you laughing as she spins you in a circle.
Michael leans against the wall, head tilted as he watches the dancing college students. More specifically, he intently watches you dancing with your friends. He’s intrigued, the corner of his mouth tilting up in a smile as you move in a way he’s never seen you move before. While you’re more relaxed around him now, you’re still so reserved in your mannerisms. Here, Michael sees a glimpse of who you once were before he dragged you into his life. You smile widely, singing the lyrics at the top of your lungs along with everyone else in the group of dancers. Your hair flows freely around your face, and he finds himself enraptured by the movement.
Would things have been different between you two if Michael wasn’t the Antichrist? Maybe, in another life, or another universe, you both would have attended the same college. The image pops into his head like it’s burned there; Michael sitting next to you on the first day of some nameless class, becoming friends with you first. Slowly but surely, your bond would only deepen, and from friends would spring lovers. Michael shakes his head imperceptibly: a fantasy. He can’t dwell on these silly theoretical questions that have no answers. It’s a fruitless pursuit, and nothing good will come out of fixating on the ‘what if’s.’
Michael jumps in surprise when you’re suddenly in front of him, being too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice the song ending and you making your way back over to him. You laugh, obviously delighted at finally catching him off guard. 
“I let you startle me that time,” he jokingly argues.
“Uh-huh, if that’s what makes this crushing defeat easier for you. Anyways, do you wanna get out of here? Kate and Mallory are the only ones I really came here to see, and if we’re not going to drink there’s not really any reason to be here.”
“I’m ready to go home if you are.”
“Actually, I might have a little detour for us…” you trail off, smiling conspiratorially.
“Oh?” Michael’s not sure if he should be excited or nervous for idea of yours, something that you easily pick up on. 
“I promise you’ll enjoy it.”
Twenty minutes later, you’re sitting on opposite sides of a booth in a small diner that you frequent with friends during the school year. A basket of french fries sits in the middle of the table, two tall glasses that are already beading with condensation standing guard next to the food. Amidst the fluorescent lighting, scratchy country music, loud ceiling fans, and run-down booths, you’re struck by how out of place Michael seems here, in your world.
He had stuck out like a sore thumb at the party, his uncomfortable posture and expensive clothing practically screaming that he did not belong in that small house. Here, in a restaurant with patrons ranging from a young family to an elderly couple, a middle-aged businessman to a homeless woman, he looks like some far-away traveler who landed in the wrong town. He’s a Renaissance piece of artwork, something far too beautiful and celestial for the eyes of these mere humans who couldn’t begin to comprehend the masterpiece that is Michael Langdon.
“Just what are we doing here?” Michael asks after the waitress, an older busty woman with red hair straight from the box, sets your order down and leaves. 
“We’re enjoying a late-night snack,” you say simply, grabbing at a fry and savoring the first bite into the just-fried food.
“A late-night snack consisting of french fries and--are these milkshakes?” Michael picks up one of the glasses, investigating its contents. 
“Uh, yeah? Have you never had a milkshake before?”
“(Y/N), my grandmother hid me away and refused to let me out of the house. Of course I’ve never had a milkshake before.” Your face falls, proving that you’re still not good at hiding your emotions like Michael is. Pushing the other glass towards him, you lace your fingers together and place them under your chin. 
“I’m honored that I get to be a part of your first milkshake experience, then. There’s vanilla and chocolate; try them both, and then you can have whichever one you like best.”
Michael looks uneasily between the two glasses, as if trying to decipher if one is poisoned. “Which one do you prefer?”
“I like them both,” you shrug. 
Finally, he takes a cautious sip of the chocolate. You’re mildly disappointed when he doesn’t have any sort of reaction, silently cataloguing his opinions on the flavor before taking a less-cautious drink of the vanilla. Without any fanfare, he pushes the chocolate back towards your waiting hands.
“They’re both good, you’re right, but I like this one better.” You smile, sliding the glass towards you and sipping the shake that he’s rejected.
“Um, Michael…” you trail, not sure how to phrase what you’ve been thinking of for the past week.
“Yes?”
“Would--is the offer to move in with you still on the table?” Michael smirks widely, and you rush to explain yourself. “It’s just that my rent is going up next month and it’s not worth it at this point, and your place is closer to campus. Plus, my cat likes you better than she likes me.”
You’re not sure why you’re nervous, since he’s obviously going to say yes to your request. You living with him was one of the only things he desperately wanted during the contract negotiations. When you think about it, you just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. It seems as if you’ve finally reached a comfortable relationship with Michael, a place where you tolerate him and could even see him as one of your friends. But an actual romantic relationship is so far down the list of things that you and Michael are, and you don’t want him to think that you’re finally going to be the loving wife that Satan wanted you to be. For lack of better wording, there’s no way in hell that will happen.
“Only because I like your cat better than you, and I wouldn’t want her to go homeless.” Your mouth drops and you laugh, picking up a fry and throwing it at Michael who, of course, deftly catches it in his mouth.
“You jerk!”
“You said it first, not me!”
“Fine,” you sit back against the booth and cross your arms over your chest, trying to keep your best poker face on, “but you should know that we’re a package deal.”
“Hmm, I suppose I can cope with that.”
“Do we have a deal, then?” Yet again, you’re struck by the irony of making a deal with the Devil (well, the Devil’s son, but close enough). Michael picks up his glass and waits for you to do the same, clinking your milkshakes together in agreement. 
“We, my dear, have a deal.”
////////////////////////////
Tag List: @sammythankyou @girlycakepops @ultragibbycentralworld @sebastianshoe @nana15774 @queencocoakimmie @lichellaw @grim-adventures58 @dandycandy75 @trimbooohgodplsnoooo @alexcornerblogthethird @everything-is-awesomesauce @ccodyfern @jimmlangdon @dolceandchalamet @omgsuperstarg @queenie435 @dextergirl12345 @americanhorrorstudies @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @coloursunlimited @punkysouls @kahhlo @storminmytwistedmind @1-800-bitchcraft @langdonsdemon @langdonslove @carousallie @cuddletothecake @born-on-stgeorges-day @mega-combusken @michaelsapostle @babyloutattoo89 @divinelangdon @venusxxlangdon @idespac @hexqueensupreme @hecohansen31 @rocketgirl2410 @gold-dragon-slayer @tcc-gizmachine @90sroger @atombombastic @idespac
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the-garbanzo-annex-jr · 5 years ago
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There is nothing new about the fanatical hatred of Jews that we see playing out in today’s world––literally a pandemic of anti-Semitism which echoes the fear and loathing that gave rise to the over-4,000-year history of the Inquisition, the Crusades, centuries of pogroms, the expulsion of Jews from country after country, and the Holocaust of the 20th century in which six-million Jews were savagely incinerated in the crematoria of Hitler’s Germany as the entire world––including U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt––looked on and did nothing!
Plus ça change and all that. But it’s not exactly true that things have remained the same. Today, the staggering power of technology makes the spread of Jew Hate all the more rapid, powerful and lethal.
In America, while blacks, Muslims, feminists, single mothers, immigrants, the global-warming fetishists, college graduates in debt for their exorbitant-but-meaningless “educations” and minorities of every stripe all bleat endlessly about being victims of this or that indignity, slight, “unfairness,” historical insult or crime, the Annual Report on Hate Crimes released by the Uniform Crime Reporting Program of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) show that, by far, it is the world’s tiny population of Jews––15 million in a world of nearly eight billion––who experience the most bias, hatred, assaults, blatant racism and hate crimes.
I purposefully have not included the 2018 statistics from the global study on anti-Semitism by the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), whose director, Jonathan Greenblatt, worked for three far-left regimes––the Clinton administration, the Obama fiasco, and the George Soros-funded Aspen Institute, and who has been accused by the founder and president of Americans for Peace & Tolerance, Dr. Charles Jacobs, of actively deceiving the American Jewish community about polling around the world that shows Islamic Jew hatred tops all others by a significantly wide margin.
“To stay anchored in the left,” explains Dr. Jacobs, “the ADL has had no choice but to bury its findings about Muslim anti-Semitism…prioritizing the protection of American Muslims over the protection of American Jews.”
Writer Isi Liebler elaborates at length on this premise, calling the ADL “a radical extension of the Democratic Party” that refuses to fight the Boycott Divestment Sanctions (BDS) movement––declared anti-Semitic by the American government––because the ADL actively supports the Marxist anti-Semitic group Black Lives Matter, which “incorporates anti-Israel passages in its platform and campaigns against anti-boycott legislation.”
HERE, THERE & EVERYWHERE
But we don’t need skewed polls from the ADL to know what is happening to innocent Jews both here and abroad.
All you have to do is to read the daily exposés on Jew hatred around the world and in America that Pamela Geller has been documenting for almost 20 years at https://gellerreport.com. ––definitely subscribe to this powerful site. Here, a small sample of typical headlines:
Gang of five men attack Jewish teens walking on Brooklyn street.
Blind Hate Against Israel Displayed at Times Square Rally.
Swastika found near Coney Island Jewish Community Center.
‘Ugly And Racist’ Graffiti Found At Holocaust Museum In Glen Cove (Long Island).
Jewish Student Arrested During Shabbat Services after Protesting Anti-Semitism at Amherst College.
Attacks on Jews by Blacks in New York SKYROCKET, and the Media Ignores Because Attackers Are Not White.
NJ shooting of Jews — bystanders blame Jewish victims.
And in other venues:
Panel: Judge who shared ‘get the f**k over the Holocaust’ link not anti-Semitic.
European Court of “Justice” condemns Israeli winemakers in Judea and Samaria but not Iran for nuclear violations.
The esteemed Gatestone Institute‘s Denis MacEoin writes about A “Guide” to the Israeli-“Palestinian” Conflict by the United Church of Christ which leaves “no room in it for a Jewish, Israeli or moderate Christian voice; just hatred of Israel…”
The European Union openly declares war on the Jews.
Amnesty International Teams with Radicals to Blast Israel.
Shock as Merkel Donates Half a Billion Dollars in Aid to Palestinian President, Paying Terrorists to Kill Jews.
Jewish cemetery in France vandalized, over 100 graves desecrated.
December 17, 2018 in eastern France. Getty Images
ON CAMPUSES
Again, the headlines say it all:
Tenured Columbia Professor Endorses Terrorism.
Students at Oberlin College erect a memorial to “Palestinian” Islamic Jihad terrorists.
Columbia ranked as worst college in US for Jewish students.
Brown University committee on corporate responsibility votes in favor of BDS.
The 40 worst colleges for Jewish students,  according to the Algeimener.com online newspaper, include, among others at which rampant anti-Semitism flourishes––largely with impunity: Vassar College, U of Chicago, U of California LA, U of Washington (Seattle), New York University, Oberlin College, U of California Berkeley, Brown U, Brooklyn College, U of California Irvine, San Diego State U, Stanford U, Northwestern U, U of Michigan Ann Arbor, Tufts U, U of California Santa Cruz, Hunter College (NY), U of Mass Amherst, Rutgers U, U of California Davis, Ohio State U, Wesleyan U, U of North Carolina, Harvard U, U of Texas Austin, Swarthmore College, Georgetown U, Syracuse U, U of Wisconsin Madison.
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saskiavalentineapologist · 5 years ago
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starsailorstories replied to your post : As far as ascended beings in daosa, are they...
are these…lich kaiju…am i grokking that right because holy SHIT i love it
>:D
ascended beings are nasty. they are violent, deadly creatures who destroy anything and everything around them.
in the pale island, people are tested young to determine whether or not they’re dormant ascended (just a harmless test that’s sole purpose is to mutate you if you are a dormant ascended, and will do no harm if you are not) and then...they’re kind of executed?? 
there’s a lot of fucked up culture around the ascended/dormant ascended....hold on let me find some Excerpts 
under the cut bc it got long
Reyana’s thoughts drifted back to what she had been reading last night. Asaevaanilaer Ahmasae. Ascended Beings. Monsters. So many names for a relatively minor hiccough.
They were an anomaly in the magic system; they were what happened when people’s magic adapted to magic itself, instead of to their surroundings.
The end result was a person whose magic was always Active in nature. The most interesting, though, was that they could absorb any magic that was aimed toward them. Healing spells, destruction spells, illusions, anything that was directed their way that wasn’t their own magic they could absorb, nullifying the incoming magic.
These people were called Dormant Ascended.
All gifts came with a downside, though.
They couldn’t control the magic they absorbed. After a time, the magic they absorbed became too much for their inherent magic to keep under control. The foreign magic started to escape their bodies, causing small mutations as it went. Most mutations were related to the senses, either heightening the senses themselves or changing the structure of the sense organ. Other results were altered pigmentation of the hair, skin, or eyes; change in the dental or general bone structure; and in extreme cases, extra growths or appendages.
When the magic they absorbed became too much for their inherent magic to keep under control, the warring magic inside them would reach a tipping point. When they arrived at that point, all the magic in a Dormant Ascended would be expelled in one violent, painful burst that turned them into a mindless monster by any definition of the word. 
Different languages referred to them in different ways. Over in the far far east, past the Reiyan Ocean, she heard they were revered as gods and called the Ascended Beings. 
In the Vhiernan Kingdoms, they were feared. Their names reflected that.
In Vhiernish, they were called the Asaevaanilaer Ahmasae. Dissected and literally translated, it meant “people who have risen above, but are no longer people.” Reyana wasn’t quite sure what they were called in Palish.
She had been reading about the war that started 250 years ago, when the Pale Island had tried to conquer the Vhiernan Kingdoms using the Ascended as living weapons.
The Vhiernans, naturally, had put aside their differences and had banded together to research how to weaponize the Ascended as well. They had found a way to do so, and so began a war that lasted a generation. After the war, both sides had signed a treaty that stated that neither would use Ascended as weapons in any wars in the future, and all parties had held up that agreement.
Reyana had soaked up all the information she could, devouring every book on the subject. 
She knew the relatively simple process needed to get someone to Ascend, she knew the dates and locations of famous battles, and locations of famous Ascended burial sites.
It wasn’t enough.
She had spent entirely too much money on this set of books in hopes that the original accounts held something she missed. They, admittedly, had a great deal of information that she didn’t already know, but they didn’t have the one piece of information that she was looking for.
Could the process be reversed?
The books had given her a small sliver of hope, though. She had been reading through some descriptions of Ascended that she had never read about before when one section made her stop.
The Dormant Ascended focused on in that passage had been an ordinary peasant woman before she had been taken from her home to become an Ascended Being and fight for the crown. When she had Ascended, she had turned into an almost serpentine creature with arms like a human’s and six sets of webbed wings. Because the army was unprepared for an Ascended that could fly, she had escaped.
That in itself wasn’t unusual. Ascended from both sides had escaped over the course of the war, decimating the livestock and crops of farmers in a battle against starvation. Being that big meant that they needed a lot of food to keep themselves going, and what could a single farmer do against a hungry Ascended, after all?
What was unusual was the fact that she had turned up in her home village in Aalzho—the easternmost Kingdom in the Vhiernan Kingdoms—a few weeks later. She had picked up a man and dropped him from a great height and disappeared into the Stormcrag mountains, where she presumably lived out the rest of her days.
The thing that made it even more interesting was the fact that when the villagers were asked who the man was, it was revealed to be her abusive husband.
That fact proved to Reyana that Ascended had at least some recollection of their former lives. There was no way an Ascended would fly to their home village hundreds of miles away and kill someone they hated out of pure chance.
It gave her hope. Many said that Ascended were mindless beasts, but this proved that they had at least some recollection of who they had been.
people use the bones of ascended beings as the basis of many enchanted/fortified items, such as wands, beads, and the like. 
they’re not hunted in the kingdoms, per say, but it’s a constant everywhere that if a dormant ascended actually Ascends, they’re immediately “put down” through whatever means necessary
there’s a huge slave trade involved with the dormant ascended, some people sell them to the wealthy, others sell them to the pale island where they’re subsequently executed.
there’s...hold on let me find some more excerpts
Sometimes, rich people liked to have Dormant Ascended as guards to their lavish manors. In case of a large attack, they could make them Ascend to either scare off or completely destroy the invading force. They would have to put them down after the fight was over, but it was extra security and a sign of wealth. Plus, after that, they could sell their bones to be made into beads and wands and other lavish items.
so there’s that. and...
“Yes, well.” Zara carefully put her headscarf on and pinned it into place with several long pins she had brought. Today’s color was an off white with delicate patterning. “I’ve dealt with an Ascended before and believe me, we would’ve lost a lot more people if she had Ascended. That’s probably what the captain was hoping for, that she’d attack our crew.” Zara shook her head. “I don’t know how he was planning on getting her with that crane, but I guess we’ll never know.”
Emira’s head slowly turned to Zara. Her eyes were wide and her mouth opened slightly.
“You’ve seen-?”
“Yes,” Zara said, the look in her eyes growing distant. “Around eight years ago, before I was put into the Queen’s personal guard. A Dormant Ascended man had managed to escape capture for his entire life until he was injured in an accident and knocked unconscious. He was taken to the healer’s, where he Ascended.” Zara’s eyes flicked down. “Ascended don’t retain their minds when they Ascend. They turn into angry and wild beasts, and this man was no different.”
Emira’s face fell more and more with every sentence Zara spoke.
“What happened to him?” Faera asked.
“Oh, he was put down,” Zara said, talking flippantly and not noticing Emira’s crestfallen expression. “But not before he took a great deal of people down with him. He was burned, as is custom.” Zara scoffed. “Honestly. There’s rules in place for a reason. These things wouldn’t happen if people didn’t try and hide their Dormant family members.”
so!! that’s ascended beings
there’s no real... “restrictions” on what they can look like. there’s definitely some that are more out there than others. i’ll see if i can post some stuff later if i can find any old ascended drawings.
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popculturespiritwow · 6 years ago
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THE WICKED + THE DIVINE #27: OB-SESSION
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After many months, I’m back! Sorry for the long silence. Life=Crazy=Sorry.
I’m planning over the next couple weeks to post summaries of the rest of Imperial Phase I & II and then hopefully I’ll catch up soon after that. It’s hard to believe there’s only a few more issues left. (Nooooooooooo.)
I’ve actually held off reading the most recent couples issues until I’ve gotten back onto this, so if as we go you’re wondering how it is I don’t already know this or that, that is how. I think the last issue I read had all kinds of crazy reveals about Baal. Speaking of which...
BAALER (I Hate Myself for this Title But There You Are)
The big reveal of issue 27 is that Baal has some kind of magic super secret voodoo he can use to stop the Great Darkness. It builds on last issue, where we learned he’d not only been previously briefed on the GD by Ananke but seen his father murdered by it. It’s also the beginning of another shoe dropping, except we don’t really know what gets squished beneath it for another eight issues and two specials and like a year of reading time so it doesn’t seem like a shoe so much as a hmm, that’s mysterious, I’m sure it’s fine, shall we rave then?
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I love the visual structure of this page, the way it uses repetition to express the passage of time and also distance to simultaneously demonstrate our own distance as readers from whatever horrible nightmare things are going on and to minimize those events. (It’s so small; whatever it is, it couldn’t be that bad, could it?)
(Baal, what have you done...)
I also like how Baal’s “reassurance” to Mini repeats his mother’s words from last issue--“It is what it is,” but then adds on in a way that sounds like the sort of ‘steel yourself for nightmares’ mantra learned from everyone’s favorite grandmonster. Even as it gives Baal an adult-sounding stoicism, it also makes him sound like a little boy. 
And speaking of Baal’s complicated relationships with children: Had we been told before now that Mini ascended just a month after him? It strikes me as a brilliant move on Ananke’s part. Right from the start she’s set up her replacement self as a little sister for Baal to protect.
Two issues in a row we’ve got Mini as the seeming target of the Great Darkness bug fiesta. Is that because it knows who she really is/will be? Is the GD somehow in league with Ananke, and the attacks on Mini are just another way of keeping everyone thinking of her as Everybody’s Favorite Divine Lil Sis? Or does this, too, have something to do with Baal? Could it be that it’s actually Baal and not Laura that is well and truly cursed?
TOPOGRAPHICAL FLUIDITY
The heart of issue 27 is the five double-page spreads in which the standard left to right, up to down of Western comic storytelling slowly breaks down. On the first splash we’ve got a Laura/Sakhmet story riding the top, then the lower three quarters of each page telling their own stories (though really it’s the continuation of Baal’s story from page one to two). The second spread flips the structural arrangement, but now the left and the runner are continuing a story while on the right page we’re with Laura and Baph and Laura’s sister and ow oh God that hurts to read. 
The pages continue to shift and change from there, with one section always following Laura, at least one following Dio/Cass at the rave, and the other one or two checking in on what other characters are up to.
The thing I love about the approach is how it speaks to the disintegration within the group that Laura ordained with her choice of “Anarchy” last issue.  We’re not in complete collapse by any means, we can definitely follow the narratives, but the idea that these characters are starting to go in different directions is literally demonstrated in the structure of the page.
And also in the way the pages alter the visual language of Dio’s earlier rave (from issue 8). We’ve got the same 16 block grid structure, but it’s twice as dense; now every block contains an actual story panel, as compared to half for most of 8, with the other half used for the ongoing rave 1-2-3-4 countdowns.
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Whereas issue 8′s dance pages had a sort of expansiveness, a sense of the rave as the overriding context that the story panels are just a part of, in 27 we’ve lost all that. In fact the rave is only one small part of what’s going on, even as its grid and color frames remain. (It’s interesting to see the rave visual style used as well for what precedes and follows it; it’s like the energy of the rave is starting to bleed out beyond the confines in which it makes sense.)
It’s also worth noting the rave in issue 8 ends with different members of the Pantheon one after another finishing Dionysius’ sentence, as though all one person. Another great contrast with the never-united narratives of issue 27.
But you know, even seeing how issue 27 offers an intensifying deterioration of the rave joy feel of issue 8, I still easily get lost in the visual dance of its two page spreads. I think it’s those bright frames; they just read to me as “fun”. (Apparently I’d be all good living in a prison camp as long it was decorated with Christmas lights.)
One moment does really snap me out of it, though:
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No matter how bad things have gotten, Drunk Child Star Mini feels very unexpected. Plus who is she talking to? The camera team? Herself? Ananke Within?
(Actually, going back to issue 8 I realize we get a similar moment where out of the blue the story cuts to Minerva, talking directly to the camera with that same combination of ‘Don’t mind me.” and “Life sucks.”
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So she’s almost certainly talking to their documentary squad.)
Mini drinking is not the worst thing we see in these pages by any means.
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Ow. Ow. Oh God, Oh God it hurts.
But somehow that Mini moment (that mini Mini?) (#sorrynotsorry) is the moment I find most off key.
ONE MORE ONE MORE TIME
Hmm. That comparison between the two Mini moments has got me thinking...
You know, give me a second...
*time passes*
So hey, I’m back. I just went back through the rave in issue 8. Here are some of its major beats:
Dio tries to help Laura let go.
Laura becomes a part of everything going on.
Laura talks about her family and sketches them in light.
Cassandra cannot connect. 
Sakhmet and Laura look each over and then start dancing together.
Woden watches.
Mini is left out.
The Morrigan warns Laura about getting too into Baphomet.
Everyone unites around Dio’s thought of making people’s lives better, because the end is coming soon.
Each of those beats is returned to issue 27.
Dio tries to help Cassandra let go.
Laura tries to disconnect from everything that’s happened.
Laura thinks about when she got Baphomet to create an illusion of her family.
Cassandra finally connects, saying “You’re full of stars”, which is what Laura said to her at the rave in issue 8. But then she rejects the connection.
Laura, now with Sakhmet, wonders what’s the worst thing she could do to her.
Woden watches. (Jamie uses the very same image.)
Mini is still left out, and now drinking. 
Laura gets too into Baphomet, and now Baphomet is locked away with the Morrigan.
Cassandra rejects the connection.
There’s a little more in each rave than that (Woden plotting, Woden calling for a hook up, Baal and Inanna), but you gotta love the way the parallels show those stories having progressed (and not for the better).
(Also, I know Dio is on life support at this point, but man it feels like there should be one more cast rave, doesn’t it? Jonesing for my rule of threes.)
LOCK STEP
In the final pages we shift to two pages of a sort of call and response; on the left side we get David telling us what’s “really going on”, aka in year two the gods lose it, and on the right we cut back to each god in their own version of doing that, and ending on the punch line of Cassandra.
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She’s the one god who seems to have her head well and truly on straight, the adult in the room, but here she is just staring silently at what has been her white whale the whole issue, Ananke’s Murderous Mystery Machine.
Gillen’s notes on this moment are familiar, chilling and wonderful:
Comrade Rossignol, my old partner in crime, game developer and co-writer on The Ludocrats, and I have a line we tend to quote to one another. It’s a paraphrase of a quote from Ballard: ‘My advice to anyone in any field is to be faithful to your obsessions. Identify them and be faithful to them, let them guide you like a sleepwalker.’
We quote it as: ‘Stay true to your obsessions and your obsessions will be true to you.’
It’s basically been our respective careers’ magnetic north, but there’s certainly times when I wonder how good it’s proved for us as human beings.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
You could easily go from Cassandra staring silently up to the spooky final full page spread of her white whale itself. But instead Gillen gives us an extra six panel page first. It seems puzzling; we don’t really need to have David ask “Are you okay?” We already know that Cass isn’t, and that she doesn’t know it.
But for me what makes that page so important is that it gives the other Norns the chance to ask David about their own fate. Imperial Phase I has taken Skuld and Verdandi from silent back-up singers to real emotional partners with Cass, indeed the dominants to her submissive. By presenting us with the question of their fate we’re reminded of the fullness of their humanity; their lives are just as valuable as that of Cass.
Their question also plays very much to Gillen’s comment about the destructive impacts of artistic obsession. These gods don’t just hurt themselves; they put their families, their fans, their friends at risk. What will Skuld and Verdandi do when those dangers come for them, one wonders...?
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ao-anonymousobsesser · 6 years ago
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So I'm writing a VLD fic
@comfortably-chaotic-mind I'm tagging you bc you know this fic and I'm sure you'll want to hear this lol plus this is kind of a funny story...sorry for the long post though
Everybody else, I'm very very very sorry you have to put up with this but I'm really upset about this right now so I gotta get this out
Basically, Keith's dad was super close with the latest Admiral of the Galaxy Garrison. Like I'm not sure what happened with them (maybe graduated together?? or the admiral taught him some life lesson??? idk) but Kogane trusts Dos Santos with his LIFE okay
And he basically says that Dos Santos is Keith's godfather in his will
So when Kogane dies...Dos Santos shows up and is like bitch u ain't takin this boi to the home
So Keith becomes like the housecat-ghostboy-orphan of the Galaxy Garrison. He likes sitting with the old people, climbing in the rafters, and sneaking around to scare the shot out of the cadets.
He's also an avid reader. (A personal headcanon of mine but blown up to a massive proportion.)
Like I mean this boy eats books for breakfast lunch and dinner. If he's awake, he's reading. He listens to audio books to fall asleep half the time (the other half of the time he's blasting Disturbed or FOB or something edgy like that).
This boy has read every book that could even VAGUELY be considered interesting.
Okay, let me just tell you:
The average school library has a ratio of between 10 and 20 books per student.
Let's say the Garrison has 5000 students (just larger than West Points cadet count) and their ratio is small at 10. That's 50000 books in the library.
Probably 10000 are extra copies or second/third/twelfth editions of the same books (going by the ratio of 1/5 that my school had). That's still 40000.
I'm gonna be nice and say that 500 are reference books, another 500 are random (small, informational or entertaining, don't fit a special category), 25000 are nonfiction, and 14000 are nonfiction.
Keith is almost 13 at this point in the story.
As an avid reader myself, I started reading at four. Keith started at five in the story.
I was six when I read my first 200pager. So was Keith.
So let's say he started on the smallest books in the Garrison at age 5. That's 500 in a year. About a book and a half a day.
Boom. Down to 35500 books in the library.
(As we all know, I hope, the library will rotate books, causing the number to fluctuate a bit. But let's say for the sake of math that it stays this way)
His dad already gets supplies from the Garrison (because he lives on Garrison property shhh it makes sense) so he starts asking for more books because Keith is just eating them up.
So the countdown to 15000 starts.
This is where I should explain that I literally lived down the road from a small town library until I was ten years old. I know what it's like to have access to books. I went to the library with my uncle every saturday afternoon. The librarian knew my name and used to come to my soccer games when he could. He was my best friend.
I remember when I was about seven I started getting frustrated because I would go through all my books in the first few days of the week and then be out until Saturday. I started taking my bookbag with me. I made my uncle (in his teens) take one, too. We crammed anywhere from thirty to sixty books into those bags and carried more with us.
The only reason we got away with it (because there was a 20 book limit) was because we had six library cards between the three of us--i had mine and my mom's, my uncle had his, his best friends, and my grandma's, and the library dude was nice enough to lend us his if we needed it.
So yeah. On a good week, I got about seventy books. That's ten books a day.
(I should explain that I still went to school. I went to public school with plenty of kids who hated reading enough for all of us. I had teachers who either insisted I was some kind of genius--i wasnt--or banished me to the hallway for reading Jane Austen during reading time when they specifically said to pick something at the class reading level. I know this life. It's kinda sucky.)
So yeah. Ten books a day, seven days a week, for fifty-two weeks. I got through the entire small-town library (4000 books) in just over a year.
Yes, I even read the reference books. Yes, I had to ask for help with some of the more sophisticated books in the library. (Yes, I skipped a few of the research books. I was eight. Sue me.)
What I'm saying is that it is realistic for me to have Keith reading 5 or 6 thousand books a year for eight years, because in this story he has LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE TO DO.
His dad homeschools him without schooling him at all (unschooling, look it up on wikipedia--yes I know it probably doesn't work like that, but it's my AU and I do what I want). Then his dad dies when he's just over eight and he's alone in the house for a year. Just books to keep him company.
Then (after meeting Sam Holt) he starts trekking out to the Garrison, creeping around the halls and camping out in the library when he feels like it.
He makes friends with the campus librarian. Professors give him books for his birthday. At twelve, he got Sam and Dos Santos to help him build a room onto the old shack so his books weren't just lying wherever in the house. The room has twelve bookcases (three on each wall) each with five shelves (60 shelves total) and full of books (about 2000 books total, give or take).
He doesn't socialize a lot (he's still Keith) but it's not that he doesn't want to. It's just that he's awkward (he's still KEITH). If people would stick around for a while (more than ten minutes), he's actually really cool and funny, even if he's a little defensive/shorttempered/oblivious/clueless.
(Just because you're smart and read a lot doesn't mean you understand everything. Just because you know how to make jokes doesn't mean you always catch them or that you understand idioms or innuendos or anything that isn't straight talk.)
His jokes are literature based. He uses sarcasm a lot even though half the time it comes out wrong. He identifies with both Darcy and Elizabeth on a spiritual level.
He has a room at Dos Santos' that has a bookcase full of composition notebooks, themselves full of notes on all the books he's read, little doodles of scenes he really likes, and jokey little summaries of long reference passages.
He's a nerd who never had to learn how to socialize with real people. He LIKES people. He's not a robot, and he doesn't automatically hate you on sight.
He's just been through a lot in his life, and he's still just a lonely little kid.
Anyway. Keith reads about twenty fiction/short books some days, four longer reference/textbook books other days. It varies. It took him six hours to get through Under the Dome, and there was one time he read eleven aeronautics manuals in eight hours and then passed out for fourteen, but mostly he takes longer for reference books/textbooks than fiction books/memoirs.
Also he's read the dictionary/thesaurus like forty times by the time he's thirteen and he shows ZERO sign of stopping. It's basically a religion at this point.
So let me break this down again:
Garrison library has 50,000 books. Minus 10,000 because they're copies/lame editions. That's 40,000 books.
1000 are reference books or random (small, informational or entertaining, don't fit a special category) books, 25000 are nonfiction/memoir/diagram based/school or lesson based, and 14000 are nonfiction.
Keith starts reading at five. His first five hundred are done when he's six--he starts on the next five hundred and finishes within months. His dad starts asking for larger shipments.
By the time Keith is seven, he's read 2000 books.
We're down to 38,000 books in the Garrison library.
Between seven and eight, he reads another 3000. Down to 35,000 books in the Garrison library.
A couple months later (500 books down, 34,500 to go) his dad dies. He's alone in the house for 10 months, only books to keep him company.
He reads another 4,000 books in this time. By the time he turns nine, he's reading at a high school level. 30,500 to go.
Sam visit on his ninth birthday. He brings more books, invites him to visit the Garrison sometime. The librarian could use some company.
Keith does.
By the time he's ten, he's read another 6,500 books. It's a really good year. 24,000 to go.
Age 10-11: 6,000 books. 18,000 to go.
Age 11-12: 5,750 books.12,250 to go
He's turning 13 in a few weeks. This year he has so far read 5,375 books. He wants to hit 5500 again. For the five year anniversary.
It's not a good year. He's not feeling great. He starts talking to Matt more than he used to. Matt pushes him a little. He says he can do it. Keith believes him. He's never lied to him before.
(That Keith knows of. What goes to his benefit is unnecessary knowledge for him.)
He hits 5,500. 6,750 to go.
This is where I am now.
Now by all accounts, there are a few notes I should make.
There is a portion of books at Keith's home that he has not read. They are books the librarian gave him because she knew he hadn't read them before they were getting rotated out for a new shipment. This is probably 500 books.
That makes the total 7,250.
Less than ten thousand.
He has read 33,250 books in eight years (ages 5 to 13). Average: 4156.25 books per year, 11.3 books per day.
I'm almost twenty and I read 55,383 books between the ages of 4 and 18 (between the first book I read at home and the last book I read before my graduation ceremony). Average: 3955.93~ books per year, 10.8 books per day.
I didn't have a lot of friends. I was bffs with every librarian I met/had. In 10th grade world history we had to give one cool/weird fact in an introductory assignment and I told them I had read every book in the school library. No one believed me. I told them I could prove it. She said go ahead.
"I have read every book in the school library. The librarian can vouch for me. They have not rotated their books since I was in eighth grade. My grandmother works here, so I know. There are exactly 17,488 books in the library, not including extra copies or "editions" like all they did was change two sentences in the intro that's hardly new information. But whatever. I started reading that year. I made a list of every book i read that year. There were 3272. That's 14216 to go--all of which were in the fiction and nonfiction sections. My grandmother checked them out. If you go into her records from that year and take that list and add it to my list from last year in 9th grade, you'll see that I read every single book. I started with the reference section that year and then went to the manga, then the nonfiction, then the historical fiction, then the fantasy fiction. I had already read most of the books in the fiction section. 6,791 out of 7,918 to be exact. That's 7425 to go. I'd also read 3577 if the 6298 nonfiction books. That's 3848 to go. Over the course of the last school year, which lasted exactly 42 weeks, I checked out 30 books every Monday and 50 books every Thursday. That's eighty books every week. Times 42, that's 3360. 488 left. I hung out with my grandmother while she worked over the summer. I kept my reading up, only for the first half. By the end of July--the 29th--I had read the rest. That's nine books a day every day. Don't believe me? Ask the librarian."
So the teacher did.
She put the librarian on speakerphone.
The librarian went on a full ten minute rant about how ridiculously difficult it was checking out fifty books at a time.
My history teacher wouldn't come within 2ft of my desk until after holiday break, and she didn't go into the library at all that year.
Moral of the story: IT IS TOTALLY LOGICAL/ACCEPTABLE THAT I HAVE KEITH READING OVER 30,000 BOOKS IN EIGHT YEARS IN THIS FIC OKAY PLEASE DON'T COME AT ME OVER THIS
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the-theater · 5 years ago
Text
Story Two: Fucks High; School for Furries and Drug Lords (Pt. 3)
The Finale to the Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin. It ends as it began; making absolutely no sense whatso ever.
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chapter 24 the new villain
Asahi: You’re adding a third villain before you solve any of your other villain problems?
AN: I did some artwurk for rebecca enjoi it! tel me wat u think abut it!
Briar: I am thankful that we don’t see the artwork. I know nothing of your art skill, but I don’t want the mental image I have of Rebecca to be shattered.
I got the estate which I looked at. It was a freaking beautiful shade of blue which reminded me of a cloudless summers day [AN: REBECCA IS SMART SHE READ SHAKESPEARE].
Cherry: Cloudless summers day has nothin’ to do with intelligence, literally anyone can relate a shade of blue to a time of year.
Asahi: Is she trying to reference A Midsummers Night Dream? Not really my favorite when it comes to Shakespeare.
I smiled on the side contordedly. I stood agast because the sight was so great to see!
Briar: I don’t think “Aghast” is the right word to use in this context, unless you really are horrified by the house.
The walls of the estate were red because the Collins love blood and really tall to ward off Mexicans.
Asahi: Racism. Nice.
Cherry: Didn’t ya just say that it was a “beautiful shade of blue”?
Finally we entered the compownd through the gates and we saw the house. It was at least 10 times bigger than my own house (before it burned down). I felt a ping of sadness growing expectantly in my heart from the void where I lost my house. But I had to go on and do good things to make up for my past sins.
Briar: At least you’re trying to do good.
Asahi: Trust me, that ‘I must do good things’ bit will stop as soon as Bella shows up.
I saw a homeless person on my right as we enterd. Determined to do good I have him money so that he could start a new life. It was a lot of money. Trust me.
Cherry: Thought their house was s’possed to be secluded. Ya know? Give em the privacy to be who they are an away from prying eyes. So why’s a homeless dude all the way over there?
Anyways then we went into the hose but then we went right back out to see Edowerd's gazeebo.
"This is the Gazebo" edowrd said pointing at the gazebo.
Asahi: And this is the Department of Redundancy Department.
It was a huge gazeebo outside near the beyutiful flowers. It was cloudy and sunny through the parts of the sky that weren't cloudy.
Cherry: So is it cloudy or not?
A single beam of light appeard and glinted down on me. It was simbolic of me being a gud person deep down [AN: STOP HATING ON REBEKA SHES NOT A BAD PURSON SHES ACSHUALLY MISUNDERSTUD!].
Briar: Ah, no. No, she’s not a good person.
Asahi: That’s just God focusing in on her so that he doesn’t miss when he brings down the meteor.
"It is a nice Gazebo!" I said happily but falsely. What edowerd didn't know is that I was starting to forgive him for his trespasses against me.
Cherry: Edward did nothin’ wrong!
Then we went inside the gazebo. It had beautiful Roman and Greek arcitecture which assured me of the Collin's wealth.
Briar: I’m noticing that she really likes to use the word ‘Assured’.
Asahi: Huh, now that you mention it, it is overused a lot.
"Now let's see the house" Alicica said. We walked past the drug lab were Alicia made her gods when she wasn't at school.
Cherry: Why struggle to find a God when ya can make one in your own basement?
Ever since she invented a cure for aids she was richer than anyone could ever imagine.
Asahi: She cured AIDS? Huh, that’s actually a really good thing. I’m glad. Though I’m worried she’s overcharging for it like America does for EpiPens.
Briar: Kind of…specific.
Asahi: Just a jarring example of American greed. An EpiPen costs over six-hundred dollars over in Cherry’s country. Here in Japan? Eight-thousand yen—er, that’s about… seventy-four dollars or so.
Cherry: Yeah… kind of a big price gap.
We went inside the Collins hose. It was HUGE. It had a TV and a kitchen and a table and everything.
Briar: As opposed to houses that don’t have a table or kitchen.
Then Alice took me up to her bedroom and gave me new clothes as she prepared her rum for having 2 people.
Asahi: Except she shares her room with Jasper, her boyfriend/husband. So really, we’re looking at her preparing her room to have three people.
Edowerd and jakub couldn't cum up because their boys and boys shouldn't be in girls rums [AN: you here that you sickos].
Briar: But Jasper, her husband, is an exception.
Anyways Alicia gave me a pink turtleneck with sleeves to the hands and a red catholic schoolgirl miniskirt and black pantyhose. It looked so god with my purple raven hare with golden streaks.
Cherry: She got to mention the rabbit every time?
Asahi: I feel bad for it, Rebecca dyed it’s fur and then painted a gold streak through it.
Tanishashanqua also equips something like that she had a white dress shirt with blue kaki jeans with shoes. Alicia stilt kept on her drug dealer uniform. After that we all made fiendship bracelets so that we would know that we would never abandoned one another ever agin.
Briar: Give it a few chapters.
Asahi: I find it amusing that Tanishashanqua and Alicia got a single sentence each for their clothes.
"Yo homie this shit be gold" tanishashanqua seed happily.
"Okay guys let's see the rest of the house" I said. If it weren't for me reminding everyone of everything we would never get places on time.
Cherry: Actin’ like yer friends are dumb, that aint a ‘good person’ thing.
Then Alice showed us the Bathroom on the basement floor. There was also a winery and a gym and a basketball curt.
Briar: That’s a big basement.
Cherry: Ya get drunk out of your mind, an then ya play some basketball.
Then on the middle basement floor there was a secret passage to the Armory. Then Alice showed us the dungeon.
Asahi: They have an armory and a dungeon? This is Sims level of basement design.
"Guys don't let Esme know that I showed you this" Alice said qualitly. We all shook our heads in assumption so she would know that we wouldn't betray.
Briar: ‘Assumption’ isn’t quite the word you’re looking for.
Asahi: I think you’re trying for ‘assured’ again.
Then we saw the videoguming rum. It was nice and big. Then I saw EDowerd's piano. Rossey's room had lots of guns and ammo and grenades. Alicia's room had lots of pink.
Cherry: Ya coulda just used the wiki to know what the house was like instead of makin’ up shit.
Cherry: Though, Rosalie’s room sounds awesome.
"This doth be Emmets Roometh" Edowerd sed as we entered Emmet's rum. It was dark with pink stripes. Emmet was listening to Lady Gage's "Born this way". I would have moshed with him to the music but only fucking stupid Goths and emo shits mosh. So instead we all danced normally.
Asahi: Ah, insulting goths and emos. Still proving that you’re not a good person.
But suddenly there was a HUGE FUCKING NOISE from the front of the house!
"OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS" said the door!
Briar: “How about we don’t!” the wall retorted.
"SHIT! THE COPS!" Alicia said as she got her gun out.
"No wait let me talk to them" Jacobo said. Then he took off his shirt and opened the door. There were two more cops.
Cherry: Shirtless Jacob, surefire way to get rid of all cops.
"Hello Rebecca. We are here to say sorry. We couldn't find Chadley's murderer. We thought that there might be evidence in the murder sene but now the Murder Scene has been burned down! Do you know who did it?" They asked.
Asahi: The culprit for both is Rebecca.
Jakub nodded towards me. I remember that before he said it was okay to do bad things but only if they were for good reasons. So I lied.
"It was esme." I said. Edowerd and Tanishashanqua and Alicia and Jacob all nodded chalantly.
Briar: You know I don’t quite understand why Esme is getting such hate. It’s nothing compared to the hate Bella gets, but Esme was a genuinely nice person for the most part.
"Bitch please" Someone who looked like Esme said as she went into the room. Then she took out a knife and stabbed the two cops and then ate them. It was... ESME!
Cherry: So the chick who looked like Esme and ate the cops really was Esme. Shocker.
Esme was standing there all eviliy and everything. She was dressed in a business women's suit and was easily taller than jakub. She had a black dress on too.
Asahi: Is she wearing a dress or a business suit?
Briar: She’s wearing the dress over the suit, maybe?
She had dark golden hair which went down to her back and also had leopard highlights. Her front tooth was missing but we didn't bring it up. Not even Rosalie because even Rosalie was afrade of that mega fuckking egotistical biotch Esme.
Cherry: Seriously, what did Esme do wrong here? She’s a nice person.
"By the way you bitches all need to go back to school tommorrow." Esme sed.
"What!? Why!?" Alice asked
"Shit's fucked up yo. People be dead and shit." Tanishashanqua sed.
Asahi: And whose fault is that?
"Too bad you bitches. I'm the new prinsipul and I say that school goes back tomorrow. And I hired new teechors too." She sed, pointing at ME! "ALL TO GET YOU, REBECCA! MY ENEMY! I WILL KILL YOU BEFORE THE WEEK ENDS!" she warned super evily.
Asahi: Are we ever going to get a reason for this want to kill Rebecca? Of course not.
Briar: I just assumed it was for revenge because of all the things Rebecca has done. To protect her family.
"FUCK YOU BITCH" I sed. I almost attacked her with my katana but I stopped myself because we wuld need Rosalie to take down Esme and this wasn't a good time.
Cherry: Also, Esme is a vampire an would fuck you up.
"HAHAHA! YOU WISH BITCH!" she said! "BY THE WAY I HAVE HIRD THE VULTURE TO TEACH CLASSES!" she screamed! Then she jumped out the window and left!
Briar: …Because the Volturi would happily stop their own work, their very important work as being the strongest and largest coven, and leave Italy to teach high school… all because you asked?
Asahi: Makes absolutely no sense.
"Who the fuck are the vulture" Jakub.
Cherry: Vultures are a type of food who eat dead animals.
I knew the answer becausemy friend Claritee had gotten away from them as a kid. But i deicded to let Edowerd have a moment of intelligence before he acted like a stupid fucking bitch again.
Asahi: And insulting Edward again. Really racking up those “Nice Girl” points.
"They are the vampiores who have superpowers" Edowerd send as he came.
Briar: …A lot of vampires have powers.
Briar: Actually, now that I think about it. What happened to the Cullens powers? I don’t remember any mention of Edwards mindreading powers, or Alice’s future vision.
He was now in the room. "Do not worry Rebecca weeth caneth defeateth them." He salon said cleanly.
Then Jakub left but tanishashanqua didn't because she was sleeping over with us too. I deeply but silently wondered just what that fucking bitch esme meant when she said that she would kill me.
Asahi: She means she will kill you. It’s not that deep.
But then i stopped thinking and went to bed for the night.
Cherry: You were thinkin’ in the first place?
chapter 25 - Religin class
Briar: Oh boy. Religion. Not a good sign.
Today it was tiem to go to scool unce agin. I got out my new bead in alicias rum. I luked out the window were I saw that it was snowing outsied. Wich was werd because normally in furks it doesnt snow onlee rain.
Asahi: That’s a fair point.
I mean I caem to furks for the rain in the first place so why the fuock didn't it rain more often.
Cherry: Not a fan of rain myself. I like it sunny and dry.
Briar: Agreed. Rain can be tedious. And it can make work all the harder.
I shuke my hand at Judah in the sky before gettin dresed in my new outfit for scool. I equipd my anti raep catana and my shotgun in case I had to kil esme or jessie or vitorio or james.
Asahi: At least Meowth is safe.
Wen I got to the dur with Tanishashanqua and alice I saw edowerd and Jacob. Even tho it was snowing jakub didn't hav a shirt on so I got to see his fucking sexy hot indian abs. Judah fucking dammit I wanted to do him right here but it was fucking cold out so I didnt.
Briar: And not because of your supposed vow of abstinence.
"hi jakub" I sed to him sexily as I culd.
"hi Rebecca. You luk good today." He told me. then Jakub caem.
Asahi: Gross.
We then huged in front of everyune. He was so warm so I hung on ti hum as he ran to scool. Becuz hes a werewolf he has super speed he can just taek me places. Alicia and edowerd and tansishanqua had to taek the car tho but it was oaky they sped along the road next to us. I waved to Alicia as she drove.
Briar: Vampires have superspeed, too. Or did you just forget all the vampires having any power besides immortality and blood-drinking?
Jakub droped me on the ice wen we got to scool. Hes a werewolf so he goes to scool in an indian restarant.
Asahi: I think him going to school on the reservation has more to do with him being Native American and less with him being a werewolf.
Asahi: Though that begs the question of why you keep having them go to school at Fucks High when you say they go to school at a “Resturant”.
He left but onlee after litly kissing me goodbi. Wen I luked up he was gone. I frowned. Then I saw edowerd Alicia and Tanishashanqua all cum over together. Claritee was there too.
Briar: Didn’t expect to see her again.
"yo homie wats that" Tanishashanqua sed as she ponted her ring finger over at the scool bilding. The building was still smoky and brokin from when cops jumprfd though the windows and shot at everything.
Cherry: Rude! Couldn’t even clean up first?
There was stil blud on some of the walls and edowerd and Alicia started getting off on it. Tasnishashanqua and me both thought it was fucking weird.
Briar: It’s extremely weird.
Then Edowerd and me both luked shrewdlee at wat was happening. First there was a bunch of new students. One of them was a gai the other one was a gurl. both of them were obviuslee new. They were walking right towards us at fast speds.
Asahi: If we’re lucky, they’ll run her over. But we’re not lucky.
"hi my names Rebecca whtas yours" I asked the boy.
Briar: The girl isn’t nearly as important.
The boy was a mega ultra fucking hottie but I didn't get to see his abes so I didn't no if he was actualee hotter han jakub.
Cherry: Sexualizing high schoolers. What a great thing to do.
He was realy pail but not like that foucking sick transecual caspor.
Briar: Barely into this and we’re back at it with the transphobia.
He also had gorjus blue lipstick on. He was angry then shoked and finaly calm as he spuked up.
"I am zAlec" he sed. "this is my sistor she is Kane" he sed waving his arms arund at his sister. She was just liek him onlee with bubs and a vajayjay and no you-know-what.
Asahi: Hello, Zalec and Kane.
Briar: You could have just said she looked like a feminine version of him.
She had a pink corset on with a matching dress. she luked like mary antwonet except without the wig and without looking ugly.
Cherry: Rude. I’m sure she was very beautiful.
"well okay that's niec" I sed as edowerd tasniahsshanqua Alicia and me all went to religion class wich was the first class of the dayu. But then Zalec caem too becuz it turned out that he was aslo in the clas with us.
Asahi: Run, Zalec, run while you still can.
We weer going to religion class which was taught by Carliel who is a paster of the romin orthodoks crutch.
Briar: Because Carlisle gave up a very well paying and noble job as a doctor to become a pastor and teacher.
Briar: At least Rosalie is still bringing in plenty of money to support a family of seven.
Claritee kept looking at Alec the entire time and nobuddy paid any attenshin to that hag Jane.
"hello I am fathor carlye and this is religion class" sed carlyse the fucking gorjus fathor of the collins. Calisle was even older than edowerd and alicai combined wich was really fuocking old.
Cherry: Fun fact. Jasper’s technically the second oldest. While Carlisle turned in the 1600’s, Jasper became a vamp in the 1860’s. An Edward only became a vampire in the early 1900’s.
Cherry: Long after the ‘doth’ an ‘thy’ went outta fashion
Im not sure why but he didn't have an aksent and instead just spouke ina normal fucking sexy british accent. He also was pail. Wen calyse found god he become a fathor to spred the wurd of jesus crist to everybody.
Briar: Can’t blame him for that. Perfectly normal.
Normily scool wuldnt allows him to teech becuz of the amendment but becuz hes esmes husbando he can teech religion now.
Asahi: A Religions class is not the same as religious teachings. An educational religions class tells you about religions from an academical point of view, not a spiritual one.
Asahi: So long as he isn’t trying to convert anyone and is objective, there’s no problem with a Religions class.
I thught this was fuocking STUPID BECUZ RELIGION SHOULD BE FREE and I wantd to follo Judah and not the propped up fals god befor me.
Cherry: I’m still just assumin’ Judah is who she thinks is the God of Judaism. An in that case, Judaism has the same God as Christianity.
"Here verybudy taek a free bibul for class" he sed.
"NO FUOCK YOU YOU MOTHERFUOCKER" I SCREEMD as I tuk my anti raep catana and cut the bibul in haf. Then Carlyle gaev me a new bibul becuz he sed the lord had spaers so wen calyse told us to use the bibles I said no and riped mine in half and chuckd it out the window.
Asahi: Destruction of a religious text. Another point for being a terrible person.
"who can explain this verse" he asked politly. Then he pickd on Tanishashanqua becuz hes a rasist. "tell me tasnishashanqua why guns cant make noise in this verse" he pointed at the sun and got down and prayd as he asked the question.
Briar: What has race to do with the question? And what do guns have to do with religion?
Asahi: Nothing at all.
"gun cant sound motherfucker" Tanishashanqua began. "but neither can peace." She finished.
Cherry: So deep. So beautiful.
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A NEW TEECHOR CAEM TO THE CLASS….. IT WAS ARROW!
Asahi: Red Arrow or Green Arrow? It’s very important.
Chapter 25 - the betrayal
Briar: Okay, who admitted they wanted to sleep with Rebecca when she asks them this chapter?
IT WAS ARROW! Arrow was a new teecher here at furks high ever sinc eseme becaem the new scool psinsipul becuz i had the kil the old one becuz he wuz evil and a vampior slayar.
Cherry: Yet he didn’t do anything evil. He just stood up an ya murdered him.
But then i stoped and luked out the window away from hi mand carlisle becuz i thought i saw something in the grass outsied.
Asahi: Such an alert attention span.
But it was just a boyd. Watever then i luked back and arrow had ogtten up n the table wich fathor carlisle was supposed to be on. He kickd all the bibuls off becuz he realizes that criteenity is fuocking stupid and that judah is the way to go i hopped.
Briar: Look. I’m not religious. I don’t believe in Gods, I think they’re just stories made up to bring comfort and help guide their morality. But I do believe in respecting what others believe in.
Briar: So in short, it’s very distasteful what’s going on right now.
"what the fuck is he doing motherfuocker" tanishahsnqua asked me. Then clarity cum to us and told us something.
"im not sure but hes the new lootenant of the scool polise" she sed.
Asahi: Do schools in America have police?
Cherry: We have resource officers, but they’re not a mini military.
I noded caerfuly. Clarity had fund out about my secret lately. She new that i kiled chadley but she also new that i didnt really meen it and that he understood me and that i was atoneing for my actions now.
Briar: She just has a very loose definition of atonement.
Asahi: How do you not ‘mean it’? You went all out in killing him.
i luked into her cristel like eys and new that i had a feind forever with her.
"WHAT THE FUOCK" cristal shouted when she saw arro who is a meember of the vulture.
Cherry: Don’t scream, he’ll notice you!
The vulture killed her parents when she was yung. Now she is a vampire becuz of them. I wuld fele bad but clarity just wont get over it so wtf am i suposed to say to someone whos complaing abut their deed parents for the millinth time for yeers.
Asahi: Being an insensitive friend. Another point for you.
Cherry: Ya don’t just ‘get over’ your parents being murdered and you being turned into a vampire.
I meen my parents lucked me in a basement for yeers but u dont see me telling peepul.
Briar: Ah, the obligatory bad childhood. Wondered when we’d get to that.
Anyways arrow opene his muth and out caem words.
"I AM HEER TO ANUNCE THAT dERE WILL BE A DANSE THIS CUMING FRIDAY NITE AND UR ALL INVITED!" arrow sed from the ceeling wich he had climbed up to sins hes a volture!
Cherry: Weird power move, but okay.
"BUT IF U DUNT CUM ULL FAIL RELIGION!" he sed evilly! "AND IF U DONT HAV A DAET U CANT CUM EETHER! AHAHAHAHA!" He sed before he turend into a bat and left the classrum.
Briar: Way to keep your vampirism a secret.
Cherry: Damn, now we’re required to attend school dances? That sucks!
Then class was over becuz father calisly had to give bat the chase becuz it actualee was arrow. Clarity Edoward Alicai Tanishashanqua Salec me and the hag Jane all waked down the hals togethur.
Asahi: Is Jane the new Bella? Because I feel bad for her.
"hey rebeca hu won the elecshin" asked alicai. "i voted for u even tho rosalies my sis dont tell her or ill fuck u up" she sed quietlee. I noded my hed.
Briar: What have you done, Alicia? You’ve doomed us all.
"um i no" sed Alex hu was a quite small boy hu was beyutiful. "it wil be anunced at the danse" he sed
"how do you no that" tanishashanqua sed
"arrow is... MY FATHOR!" he reveeled and then grabed that fuocking bitch ane's arm and ran down the hal.
Cherry: Yes, but no.
Asahi: I guess if he turned Jane and Alec, he could be considered a father.
But when he was running jane let go and aciduntly steped in rosey's peth wich rosey didn't liek. But rossey thinks shes go grate she let hur of with a warning.
"bitch dunt do that agin" she sed and dicked her gun.
Asahi: That sounds uncomfortable.
"wtf rebecca u hav a posse now u miseryabull cunt" i luked it and it was bella hu luked haf emo and haf skanc. She had white fishnte stalkings and a black waste belt and upsieddown hipster glaosses. She had a blacke and gray flannel top on too wich was why she was so emo.
Cherry: Bella, no. No, please, you don’t want to be here.
Then al of a suden ALEC CAEM BACK!
"wtf do u want ho" i asked but then remebered to be gud to repeent "im sorry, i mean wat is it". Claritee and alicai saw how hurd it was for me to be niace to that fuocking biotch so they smieled at me.
Asahi: Wow, she actually apologized to Bella. I am impressed.
Asahi: I will take one, just one point from your bad behavior tally.
"i jsut want to tell u that you suck. And stink. And can go fuock an elephent." Then she turned and walked away. This is the fuocking thanks i get for hepling to protekt her from angela yesterday god fuocking dammit.
Briar: Protect? You tried to frame her for the murder of her father, the murder you did, you tied her up in a bathroom stall,
Briar: When you thought Angela was after you, you said, and I quote; "NO GETBELLA SHES TYED UP". Then you were glad when Angela went after Bella instead of you.
I waentd to cry becuz angela hadnt kiled her but then i stoped and went insied my mind and smacked my inner biotch and told her to stop being suoch a biotch.
Asahi: That doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried.
"who is that gurl" alec sed starrily.
"shes bella shes a biotch" i sed.
"shes beyutiful" he sed dreemilee.
Asahi: Thank you. Yes, she is. Thank you for noticing.
I culdnt staend the thught of him lusting ofter such a fuocking hore so i decided to set him strate.
"no u don't want to get involved with her. Right edowerd?" i asked.
"yes milday doth not wanteth toeth get involvedeth with that ho" he concluded poste hayste. But then in the moment jane saw everyting going on.
Cherry: Guys, just let him be with Bella. Stop involvin’ yourselves with other peoples lives.
"WHATS RONG WITH U AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH ?!" she asked wile crying. It was disgusting becuz snot and teers wer runingn down her faec. Then she ran off into the girls bathrum so alicai claritee me and tanishashanqua folowed her wile edowerd went to go beet up dalec for being such a doosh.
Briar: But he didn’t do anything wrong but say Bella is beautiful? What? Do they want him to romanticize his own sister?
"girl dont worry ur beyutiful" alicai pated jahne on the back caerfully.
"yeah if he cant see your beyuty then hes not good enuff for you in the first place" i told her.
Asahi: …He’s her brother.
I felt good. Then i realized. Being good feels good. Maybe this was something i culd do afterall.
Cherry: You can be good. But will you? Probs not.
I was goign to be a better persun and leaf the lief of sin ive been folowing behind me. I went over to the last stal and there was a homeless person in it. I gave them som money. Then i gav him a poptart. It felt good!
Briar: …Why is there a homeless person just hiding in the school bathroom?
But then it was tiem for gim so we al had to go to class. We were playging dodjhal wich is a fun game were you hav to dodje shit that peepul are throwgin at you. Becuz of all my combat experiunce it was easy for me.
Asahi: Your combat experience is boiled down to you being saved by everyone and stabbing people for no reason.
That whore bella was on the other team along with clairy. When she wuznt looking clarity pushed her and she fell down and got hit 15 tiems by everune on our ttem.
Briar: Rude.
Asahi: And that point I took away for apologizing to Bella? It’s back and doubled.
Then the other teem god angry and throo shit at bela. I laughed so hard that i though i wuld pee myself but i wuldnt in public so fuock u.
Asahi: Tripled.
Cherry: She’s gonna have a few dozen points when its over.
As the gaem was almost ovar edowerd was hit so hard that he went thru the wall... It was CASPOR i meen CASMINE the transeccual boy! [AN: NASPER WENTS TO BE CALD JASMIN BECUS HE FELS MORE FEMINEN]
Briar: More power to her.
Cherry: Jasmine’s a pretty name. She’ll be a beautiful woman.
he hade thrown a hal so fast it broke eodwrds spien twice.
Asahi: Nice. Good job, Jasmine.
But then anya the bold stud up and cawt the ball! She was so beyutiful and fast and gud at editing. [AN: ANYA THIS IS U!]
Briar: Aaah, she has a new editor.
Briar: I wonder how long she will last.
she thrw a keyboard at bella and bella went ot the hospitul.
Cherry: A keyboard?! The hell?
Then i saw emmet. I went up to him and asked him how the gay thing was. It must be haerd not being with the une u luv becuz if he was with seth then saths family of wolves wuld exile the too and familee is all sath has sins his fathor dyed yesterdae.
Asahi: If you love someone enough, and if your family can’t approve of your love, then you’re better off without your family. Emmett and Seth would be better together if they are truly in love, and they shouldn’t care what the people around them think.
Anywasy then we won the gaem but lost the match becuz they trid to make us go outsied and sins most of our teem is vampiors they culdnt play. So it was me and anya. We tried but there wer too many. 16 acshually.
Briar: I’m just imagining that Rebecca got hit with so many balls she’s a walking bruise.
Cherry: I love that image.
Anyways then we went to our next class but first i waented lunch so i skiped and evryon caem with me...
Asahi: Considering the principle wants you dead, you shouldn’t be skipping.
I wuz going to the bathrum were i hade fught angela to a draw and then helped to beet her when suddenly edowerd apperd!
Briar: We read the story, Rebecca. We know that’s not what happened.
"EDOWERD WHAT THE FUOCK" i asked! this was the WOMINS bathrum!
"doth engaegeth in sex" he sed forsing himsefl on me! OH NO! WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO!?
Asahi: Wow. Edward that’s a bit forward.
Cherry: Yikes. Big yikes.
chapter 27 - the hospital bathroom
Asahi: It is mildly triggering every time she brings up how this school doubles as the town hospital.
Asahi: And now we have to specify that she’s not in the school-half’s bathroom, but in the hospital-halfs bathroom.
Cherry: This school had best be havin’ some damn good biology classes an pre-med electives.
Oh no! wat was i gunna do edowerd wuz cuming to me to moleest me?
"no stop edowerd i dun get ti" i sed crying.
Briar: Her crying is actually completely justified.
Briar: It feels weird validating what she says and does, though.
Why was edowerd tryign to do this to me? This was so fukced up!
Asahi: Maybe he’s coming to rape you for the same reasons Seth did to Bella? By your logic, what he does is absolutely justified then, after all.
Cherry: I don’t wanna see ya acting like a whiny bitch about this after how ya treated Bella when she went through this.
Teers wer runign down my face so quitlee and i wuz jsut so shoked. Edowerd tuk my rist and then throo me at the grund.
Briar: Break her spine. Break her spine.
"doth beeth a bitcheth" he sed and then smackd me.
Asahi: Sorry, she’s incapable of not being one.
Then he riped my shirt off.
"why are you doing this!?" i screemed at him. "STOP! WHY!?" He hit me agin, this time with his cleets [AN: EDOWERD IS ON THE SOCCUR TEEM].
Cherry: He hit her with his cleats? Not kicked her? What’d he do? Tear his shoes off an start smacking her in the face with em?
Then i felt sumthing red sleeping down my forehed. It was BLUD! he must have brike skin when he hit! "shit" i sed.
Asahi: It’s just a flesh wound.
Edowerds eies turned all red andshit and then hey got huded. He luged after me but i got up and dodgd his atac.
Briar: Because it’s easy dodging a vampire who has super speed and heightened reflexes.
He culdnt be resened with in his stayte and i was scrayd. I tride to run for the dur but then he apered and slamed it. Then he punched me and i flew back into the mirors. As i hit them they explouded into a bilion trilion shrads and they went everwere. Sum of it hit my faec and i culd tel i wuld get a scar.
Asahi: This is oddly cathartic. Seeing her actually get the crap beaten out of her. Not something you see often in these kinds of stories.
Cherry: I’m soakin’ as much of this as I can before she inevitably somehow beats him.
"AAAAAAAAAH" i screemed!
Briar: Alas, the bathroom was completely soundproof, and thus no one passing by in the halls could hear her screams and cries for help or the sounds of someone being beaten.
He hit me so hrad i went thru the sink too! Then before i culd reakt he had thrown me thru eech bathrum stal one bai one. There were five in tottal.
Asahi: I’m impressed she’s not broken her spine yet.
Finaly tho he tripped up and so i ran up to him with my katana and smaked him with it. I didnt want to hurt him he wuz my frend at one point so insted i just taped him withit.
Cherry: Emphasis on smacked. It’s not like you’d wanna cut the person beatin’ you up and tryin’ ta’ rape ya. No, that’d just be rude.
He lost his frenzie and then luked at wat he did to the bathromo.
"doth fucketh" he sed and then before i new it he had sped out of the rum.
Asahi: So, the cure for a frenzied vampire on a rampage is to tap them with a sword.
Asahi: As Edward said; the fuck?
I new that i had to run and find alicai and tel her wat hapened. It was hard to run tho becuz blud was gushing down thru my foreheed and it wuz gettin in my eies.
Briar: It has nothing to do with being thrown into a mirror, five bathroom stalls, and a sink resulting in broken bones and numerous bruises.
As i ran down the hal i culdtn figur owt why edowerd did that to me. I meen i no ive dun bad things in the past but this wuz just out of cacater for edowerd.
Cherry: Eeeeh… Maybe not the rape part, but ya definitely deserved the beatdown.
But then i shruged it off until i fund tanishashanqua and alicia and Jacob who was there for lunch break
Asahi: And Jacob is at their school and not the Indian restaurant he attends because…?
"what the FUCK gurl are you okay!?" Tanishashanqua asked. she tuk a cleen rag [AN" CLEEN TO PREVENT INFECSHINS] owt of her purs and then wiped my forehed with it.
Cherry: She’s honestly the most competent person here.
"alicia get out of heer u wont be able to resist the blud" Jacob sed to her. She noded her hed smoothlee and then jumped up the roof and out of scool grunds.
Briar: As you do when you’re leaving someplace.
Jacob picked me up with tanisahshanquas help and they tuk me to the hospitul wing of the scool. Then i blaked out.
When i woke up jacub was there with me. I had a yellow bandij on my hed were my wund was. Tanishashanqua was there to, but she wuz sleepign becuz sh ewas tired.
Asahi: Now be quiet, we don’t want to wake Tanishashanqua up.
"rebecca u need to tell me what is the matter" jakub sed. "who did this to you. I want to help" he sed as he culd see me.
"it was edowedr he tried to raep me" I sed cheerliee
Asahi: Weird thing to be cheerful about.
but no then sadlee becuz i had the shit beetin out of my.
Cherry: Ah, ya forgot ya ought to be sad bout that. Happens all the time.
FUCK THAT EDOWEDR GODDAMIT.
"itll be okay i'll go take caer of him" jakub sed as he got his axe out of his pockit.
Asahi: Are you tired of your belts constantly breaking when you hang your axes on them? How about the axe hitting people or the walls whenever you try to squeeze by people?
Cherry: Well, now ya don’t got to worry about any of that anymore! We’re here introducing the newest innovation in yer axeman lifestyle! The pocket-axe!
Asahi: When you’re tired of cutting down trees and killing vampires, you just fold it up and slip it right into your pocket. No more axe-idents.
Cherry: No more problems!
Asahi & Cherry: Buy yours today!
Then he howled and turned into a fury and then juped out the window of the hospitul rum.
Briar: Was he still carrying his axe?
Cherry: Aw the widdle wofly cawwied the axe in his widdle mouthy.
I wuz glad that he wuz ther to support me. I wuld support him in my own speshal way in the futor.
Asahi: “By stabbing him in the dick.”
"fuck yu you cunt" i herd. I luked up. It was BELLA! She wuz the one in the hospitul bed to the side of mine! God fuocking dammit i thught to myself slylee.
Briar: Bella, my favorite person, you’re okay!
"what!? What the fuck doyou want bella!? Cant u just leev me alone!? JUDAH FUOCKING DAMMIT U WEER ALWAS SUCH A FUCKING BITCH TO ME I HATE YOU" i screemd in fuory. Uh oh. I was supoed to be gud.
Cherry: Ya never been good.
"thas hard to do when u do shit like KILL MY FUOCKING DAD YOU CUNT" she screemed even loudlier.
Asahi: She has a very valid point.
Briar: Can’t argue with her reasoning.
I gasped loudlee so that she culd understand my shouck.
"ur just jelus that chardly always luved me mora than you" i sed furiouslee!
Cherry: An you repaid that love by killin’ him.
She was so shucked that she culdnt even say anyting to that. Then she luked down an troddin. Wich ment that she new i was rite. Wich ment that i weon.
Briar: Doesn’t justify the murder.
Asahi: We all know Charlie really loved Bella best, she’s just full of herself.
I got up out of my bead and went to the hospitul rum bathrum. Y didnt this victoree feel gud tho?...
Cherry: Oh, God!
Cherry: Are ya learning empathy?
As i steped into the bathrum to go tinkle my combat sens tingld.
Asahi: “Look mom, I can rhyme! Are you proud of me, now?”
Sudenly i dodj roled out of the atac in the smal bachrum onlee to see... ANGELA THE VAMPIOR! She was back!
Briar: Why do all these vampires love attacking girls in the bathroom? Edward did it once, and this is Angela’s third Bathroom Strike.
And she had a new BLAK CATANA! And she had triedto kill ME WITH IT! I ran out of the bathroom at my ful potenshil and assumd fightign pose in frunt of bella.
Asahi: Wait, are you attacking Bella? Defending Bella? Using Bella as a human shield?
"shit motherfucker!" tanishashanqua screemed!
Cherry: Oh, ya woke up to the fight, but not to Bella and Rebecca screamin at each other?
She got out her gun and poiynted it at the biotch angela. We wer gonna protekt bellas lief and also my life. I new that it was heer that i wuld maek up for my sins and devowlee folo judahs plan.
Briar: I can’t believe it.
Briar: They’re actually protecting Bella? Bella? Did someone replace Rebecca with a clone? A good clone?
Asahi: I don’t believe this is going to last, but I want it to.
As angela the vampiore stuck out the bathroom we prepard!
"u evaded me twise so now yuo both shall DIE" angela screemed! Then she LUGED!
Cherry: Oh, no! She luged! How will anyone survive?
okay i no i sed that i wuld reply to ny reviows but srsly
Jason Bartholomu 12/4/12 . chapter 16
Do you even lift?
lift what i dunt get it what the fuock is rung with u pepul
Cherry: Ya don’t get the most iconic an basic of memes? Disappointin’.
chapter 28 - Rebecca & Bella vs Angela
Then she LUGED! I gasped wile tryign to deflekt angelas atack with my catana. She was very skiled but i think that i was more thern a match for her wile we were in the hospital rum.
Asahi: No. No you’re not.
"SHIT HOMIE GEDOWN" tanishashanqua SCREEMD as she usd her gun at angela. I was fsat enuf to dodge the bullits but if i hadnt bene then i wuld be ded.
Cherry: Considerin’ how fast bullets move… that’s physically impossible.
Angela didnt tho and she got shotted at leest 4 times in the neck. But she didnt say anything like i expected her to so it was werd. She jsut tryed to stab me and tanishashanqua and bella sum more so u no wat? Angelas a fuocking bitch.
Asahi: Takes one to know one.
Suddenly anya the bold ran in wile eeting cheetos and poptarts and luked at us but she was so scray by wat she saw that she ran out. [AN: ANYA GET UR AKT TOGETHUR UR SUPOSED TO BE EDITING NOT EATING CHEETOS U FATTI]
Briar: That’s one way to chase away your editors.
Asahi: I’m surprised it took this long before she lashed at her. I can assume that after this chapter she won’t be editing for you anymore.
but then angela threw her sword like a boomeragn and it cut off anya the bolds arm so TAEK THAT U CAN GET UR ARM BAECK WHEN U START WURKING AGAIN!
Cherry: Yeah, no one in their right mind’s gonna deal with you when ya do shit like that.
"Bella u need to get out of here we caent hold her off for loung!" i sed wile trying to be a gud person. It was hard to prove it tho becuz there wer no homeliss pepul to give poptards to but whatevr.
Asahi: I think you need to understand that doing good deeds because you want to be seen as ‘good’ isn’t the same as doing good deeds because it’s the right thing to do.
Anyways then angela smacked tanishashanqua on the hed but she didnt stop THERE! then tanishashanqua luged at bella but i blocked the atack. Tasniahsnqua then tuk out a nife and went for Angela!
Briar: Tanishashanqua, you’re having some trouble remembering who your enemy is, aren’t you?
"YOU WILL NOT STOP ME!" Angela screemed but then tanishashqnau stabed her in the gut with her getto nife and then i pushed her owt the window of the hospitul rum. Luckilee the rum is fiev storys up so angela had a long fal to deel with.
Cherry: It’s rather quick when ya take into account the speed ya fall at.
"we need to escape befor she climsb back up here" i sed serverlee. I luked ovar at Bella and Bella was just fuocked up becuz of this drama and shit.
"WHAT THE FUOCK IS GOIGN ON!?" she screemed.
Briar: Very valid response.
"luk motherfuocker that bitch is gonna kill you too if we dont run so u can eether stay here or run with us to be abel to survive" tanishashanqua sed.
"she wuz the one who atacked us in the bathrum stal" i sed to clarifye the situation.
Asahi: So long as you avoid going into any bathrooms, you’ll be safe.
Bella thught for a secund and then nodded her head.
"okay, ur right." She sed.
"we need to get away and fast" i sed as i locked the windows so that when angela tries any spiderman shit to get back into heer it wuldnt wurk.
Briar: You could always break the glass.
"how are we going to do that!? Shes so strong a powerful!" bella sed wile starting to cry a litle bit.
"Theres only 1 persun strong enuf to take on angela for shure" tasniahshanqua begined. "Rosey." I nodded my hed becuz this was a relly good idea. Thank gudness tasniahsnqua is such a gud friend with gud ideas.
Asahi: Thank God Tanishashanqua has the one brain cell this group shares.
"does anybody have a car that we can use to get to the collins house?" i askd the too.
"i do!" bella sed and then we all went to the parkign lot to get into beds fuocking uglee truck. Even tho it was uglee and i haet it with all my pashin it was savign my lief now so i maed sure to remember to fix it when this was all ovar.
Cherry: This is so weird. She’s… growin’? As a person?
Cherry: Am I dreamin’?
I culd start to append for my sins by treeting the things in my life better. As we were gettign into the truck, we herd a fucking obnoxshis screech.
"GET BACK HERE BITCHES!" It was ANGELA! She was on a moturcycle! She tuk out a pistol and started to shoot bullits at us so we got into the truck fastlee.
Briar: Motorcycles… are like metal horses… that’s kind of cool.
Cherry: Motorcycles are awesome, I defs’ want one.
Tasniahsnqa and I got into the back bed [AN: THATS WERE U PUT THE KARGO AND SHIT IN A PIKUP TRUCK]
Asahi: I’m pretty sure most everyone knows what the truck bed is.
and asumed fihgting posishin. I tuk out my shotgun and shotted it at angela wile tanishahsnaqua tuk out her getto pistol and also shotted it.
"GO GO GO GO!" i screemed and then bella tuk off out of scool grounds and around the town while angela followed us. Agenla tried to shoot at the car but tanishashanqua shot back and i deflekted bullits with my anti-raep catana wile shooting with my shotgun.
Cherry: I never did like the ‘deflects bullets with a sword’ trope people love doin’ in anime.
It was hard, to sto pthe bullits, but i had to protekt bella, the driver of this vehicol. but then Angela activated her turbo button and then she was speeding up so fast that theer wouldnt be a chanse for us to escape! It was as if she had a jet in that fucking moturcycle!
Cherry: That’s pretty cool, actually.
"Bella!" i screemed! "Speed up! We arent lusing her!"
"IM TRYING DONT DISTRAKT ME" bella screemed. I meen i understand her srtress but hello tanishashanqua and i wuldnt let anything happen to her. But whatever she desruves the beenfit of the doubt.
Asahi: This is so weird.
Asahi: I’m not complaining, though.
We sped up rally fast and then Bella tuk the truck out of the town and into the windign roads behind the town. There were lots of trees everywhere and it began to raen liek crazee so i felt at home.
Cherry: There’s this magical barrier that kept the rain out of the town.
Suddenlee a coip car starded to get in on the chase too! We were tryign our best to deflekt bullits but then the fuockign cops tried to drive US off the road insted of angela!
"Tanishashanqua the cops are alyed with Angela!" i sed! We were doomed unless we culd get those biotches off our backs!
Briar: Maybe it’s because you killed one of their own?
"i got this motherfucker" tanisahsnqua sed and then she shot the cop driving the car in the hed and he died and his car went off a cliff and exploded.
Asahi: Ah, another murder. Good job.
Then we went back to doign what we were doign before.
"YOU WONT ESCAPE EASILEE!" angela screemed and then she tuk her gun and aymed it at the tire of the truck and SHOT THE BULLIT! IT HIT! THEN IT MADE A NOISE! Tanishashanqua and me almost fell out but before i new it Angela had use d the swurve to JUMP INTO THE TRUCK WITH US! FUCK!
Briar: This is equally unexciting and exciting. It’s kind of scary how she managed that.
"FUCK YOU" i screemed and engayged her in one on one swordfightign. It wuz her black catana versis my anti rape catana and it luked liek i was losing!
Cherry: Surprisin’ absolutely no one.
I just culdnt keep up with her enhansed vamprie powers! FUCK! She then pujnched me in the boob and smacked me!
Cherry: Ouch, boob punch. Low blow.
Then she luged for tanishansqua! NOOOO!
"FUUUUUUUUCK" tanishahsnqua screemed as angela cut off her pistol hand with her evil black catana! Then she picked up one of my onlee friends and threw her out the back of the truck wile bella was driving it at 120 miles per hours!
Asahi: Ah, man. You killed off one of the few interesting characters.
It was tramatic taek my wurd for it.
Briar: I’ll have to.
"Bitch please this is still my fucking turf ur on" someone sed. IT WAS ALICIA! She was drivign a sports car and had caght tanisahsnaqua's bodee with the hood of her car.
Cherry: That’s actually gonna be pretty painful.
Asahi: At least Alicia is here. Now they stand a chance of survival.
Tanishashanqua got into the car wile alicai shot at angela frum the sports car. I new then that this wuz my chase to get a hit in on angela so i struck and almost nocked her off the speedign truck! Btu then she hung on and overpowerd me.
Cherry: Surprisin’ no one.
"No matter how many of u weeklings show up I will still rain supreme!" she sed evilee! Alicia used her vampire strength to shoot many bullits at angela but angela also was a vampiore so she dodged them like a profesional. But no! some of the bullits that missed angela wuz going to hit bella! I tried to dodge into the atac but i onlee tuk too bullits!
Briar: It’s so jarring that she’s throwing herself into danger to protect Bella. Is this the same Rebecca?
"SHIT" i screemed. I had faild and culdnt protekt bella. Even tho i akt like i hate her shes secretely always been my role model and i shuldve been nicer to her.
Asahi: Know what that is? Growth.
A singul teer drop fell frum me faec as i relized wat was goign to hapen. I herd a screem from bella, and suddenlee the car went off the side of the roed and into the wuds. Angela and i went flyign over 70 feet in the aeir along with the truck. As we wer in midair bella fell from the truck and angela stabed me in the stomick, but not before i shoved my antiraep catana into her nee!
Cherry: so we got three deaths?
Cherry: At least one from the 70 feet fall.
She kickedd me and i went flying even furthor. But then as i hit a tree on the way down, i herd an exploshin. Then everything went blaeck as i fell...
Briar: That was the sound of your insides turning to mush.
Chapter 30: woods
Cherry: The less successful knockoff of “Into the Woods”.
I woke up in the fucking awful rain becuz seriously people I dont love it THAT much I mean geeze.
Briar: With how much you were saying you love it, now you don’t?
Anyways my head really fucking hurt because i had been sent through a fall. I didnt know where Angela was because she had gone flal too but I knew that if I honed myself that I could find bella.
Asahi: If Bella’s dead, we riot.
I found my shotgun and katana and put then in the ground int he forest I was in. It was almost dark. I could tell ecause the sun was setting. Time had passed. I cliped my hands together and prayed to Judah that something would guide me way. Then I opened my eyes and saw the Elf Grandfather who was pointing at the car wreck with Bella underneeth it!
Briar: Suddenly there are elves?
Cherry: That’s not the weirdest thing, oddly enough.
I ran to the reck and saw that Bellas hand was the only thing not under her fucking trashed truck. It was burning and smoke and shit and the trees were going to burn down soon.
Asahi: Save her or perish.
"Bella dont worry I'll save you!" I screemed because I was a good person and shoved the truck with all my mite. It was no use those I couldn't gain ground against the truck because of Newton's laws against moving objects! [AN: FUCK YOU NEWTON]
Cherry: Newton had nothing to do with this.
"rebeeca you goddamn it fucking ugly stupid whore help me goddamn you and fuck this" she whinied at me which was totally unhelpful right now I mean c'mon I'm trying to concentrate at the moment.
Briar: I’ll admit, Bella, not the best time to complain.
"GODDAMNIT IM TRYING" I screamed at her. I mean if she didn't have such a fucking huge truck this wouldnt be tough the thing ways like 15 tons. But then my combat sense tingled and I looked behind me and suddenly ANGELA APPEARED in the sky and and she started to use her sword in me!
Asahi: Phrasing.
Cherry: She said what she meant. The swords in her.
"I'll kill you! HIYAH" She screened as she luged over and over again. I tried to fight back but it was hard because bella was there nad she was the targit and I was trying to protect Bella but Angela used and I couldn't truck!
Briar: She couldn’t truck?
Briar: Is that some modern age slang?
"WHAT YOU SAY TO ME!?" I screamed as I punched Angela's breasts in the fight.
Cherry: Another boob punch!
It was a ground blow but it was all I could do to stay in front. "You're a monster Angela and I won't let you harm people!" I screemed harder this time! But then Angela jumped into the air with her Katana and cut my shotgun in half! Oh shit! I was so fucked!
Asahi: Well, it was nice knowing you, Rebecca.
Asahi: Not really. But, hey, good riddance.
 "IF I AM A MONSTER THEN I WILL BE THE MONSTER COACH!" She screemed while flying. "THE FIRST IN MANKIND AND THE FIRST ALL OVER THE WORLD!"
Cherry: Ya might not be the first monster, but ya might be the first monster coach.
Then she stopped flying right on top of me. As bella was getting her face burned and crushed by the Car Angela just kept stabbing me and stabbing me with her Katana of death until She picked me up with it and impaled me.
Briar: I’ll be fine with Bella dying if it means Rebecca dies as well, just saying.
"AAAAAAAAAA" I screemed in shire agony! THERE WAS A FUCKING SWORD IN ME AND SHE WAS SPINNING ME AROUND WILE I WAS ON IT!
Briar: That gives me some ideas.
She was just to strong. This was the final line for me and bella. None of my friends were around to save me. Jacob was after Edoward who was running away from Fucks and Alicia was with Tanishashanqua wherever the fuck they were and And nerd Clarity was actually in that the school.
Asahi: I forgot Clarity existed.
Cherry: Same.
I tried to take a breath but it was hard because Angela was using a sord to mvoe me.
Then all of a sudden a gunshot went off and Angela threw me off to the sword with great power! She cut the bullet in half and we both looked up! It WAS CHOCOLOVE!
Briar: Never mess with a stripper.
"Angela stop" he said while looking like a teachor.
"Why the fuck shuld I?" She asked as I was there and on the ground almost dead and Bella was almost dead to. She was about to snap my neck so it was good that Chocolove arrived to stop her!
Cherry: I’d be more concerned bout all the holes you got.
"Because" he said wile pointing at Angela the Vampire! "When you were alive, I WAS YOUR FATHER ANGELA!" She then started to cry becuz she was just confused by touching it all. Then she got fucking angry!
Asahi: What a twist!
Briar: I’d be crying tears of confusion, too. This is pretty nonsensical.
"YOU LYING FUCKER" she screemed and then tried to stab him but Chocolove's forcefeld stopped her from comign close to him. "AAAAAA" she screemd as she went flying backwards into an other grandfather elf tree.
Briar: The poor elf-tree.
"ITS TRUE" he screemed! "YOUR MOTHER IS NONE OTHER THAN RENNY!" Everybody at the sene gasped because of the revelatin! If angela was renny's dohter then that meant that... "YES!" Chocolvoe screemed! "THAT MAKES ANGELA BELLA'S SISTER!"
Asahi: Clearly Renée had the true harem.
And then Angela started swearing so much that I'm not even gonna fucking write it becuz seriously it would take up like 5 pages of text.
"you bitch" Angeal screamed and then broke down on the ground.
"Its true their insides are made of the same blood..." he said. "My daddy blood".
Asahi: Ugh, I hate the word ‘Daddy’.
Cherry: Wouldn’t they be sharin’ Renée mommy blood?
Asahi: Don’t say ‘mommy’, either.
And then all of a sudden my pain wouldn't release because Angela had still stabbed me. But then something amazing happened that saved my life that I will never forget!
"HOMING MISSLE BOMB STRIKE" sed a voice! The voice belonged to Alec!
Asahi: You’re still here?
All of a Sudden Angela went missiling up into the air like some sort of flying projectile and left the atmosfear. Jane was there too but she was a had so it didn't matter.
Cherry: Wow, rude.
"What are you doing here you fools?" Chocolove asked
"I am here to save Bellanita and Rebeccadora [AN: THOSE ARE THEIR FULL NAMES]
Briar: I don’t know about Rebecca, but Bella’s full name is Isabella Marie Swan.
from sertin death" Alec said. "They are too close to the collin compound and you know what lies in there! We must not let Esme see them!" And then Jane nodded and made a incantation to say "HOLY" and then the truck got up and rolled over and away from Bella so that we culd save her.
"Don't worry" Alec said to me. "My powers sent her to the MOON" he screamed.
Briar: Well, we know she’ll be back on earth in an hour, tops.
"I won't let you ruin my plans!" Chocolove said with anger and blood dripping from his voice and then his forsefield grew to ten times the original amount! "Esme will hear about this blatant betrayl of our plans and then you will suffer the consequences!"
Asahi: I’m sorry? What?
Briar: The stripper is evil, what a shocker.
"what are you saying Chocolove!?" I managed to ask wile bleeping out onto the forest ground.
Cherry: I’ll give ya props for being awake after all that blood loss.
"I wont asnwer that because it would spoil my plans" he said. And then he made to summon a Lance and equiped it to do battle with.
"Well too bad they are our friends and we will save them" jane sed finally speaking up! Then she made a ninjutsu sign and then screamed "TELEPORT" and the four of us (Me, Bella, Jane, and Alec) teleported away from Mr. Chocolove!
Asahi: What? This is Naruto now?
Chapter 31: Return to School
Suddenly like as if were teleported we were in the school. I was there with my wounds and Bella was there with her face and shit all burned and alec and Jane were there to.
"We will take Bella to the facility" said Alec. He puked up Bella with amazing speed and pushed everyone out of his way to the hospital. Jane cried like the hag she is and then teleported away.
Cherry: This fic is makin’ me ship Alec/Bella.
So then I had to go to class to find claritee because she was the only one who could be my friend since Jacub was in the pursuit and Tanishashanqua and Laicia wer .
Briar: I’m impressed she is able to spell Tanishashanqua the same every time.
Then I looked up at the clock and there was enough time left in the day to go to my next class wich was a math class. I hate math because I'm not very good at it because of Newton [AN: FUCK YOU AGAIN NEWTON].
Cherry: Newton’s got nothin to do with ya sucking.
Asahi: I think you skipping the rest of your classes would be justified at this point.
"I'm sorry I'm late sir I was busy fiting angela" I said to the teachor who was suppled to be Mr Clearwater but I acted a gasp when it wasn't! It was Hasmes the man whose arm was missing after he consumed Clear water!
Briar: Hasmes is still alive? Wow.
"PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOARD REBECCA" screemed Hames the Vampire teacher of my Calculus class as I perfectly sat to my seat. We were learning things like how to divide funktions and trickonometry. "YOU ARE THIEVING KNOWLEDGE FROM THE OTHER STUDENTS" he screamed wile waving chalk and shit around the class. I don't get why I even try its not like I'm asian or anything so fuck this shit.
Asahi: Wow. Racist.
Cherry: Everyone’s gotta learn math, deal with it.
"Psst Rebecca want to buy some weed" sad the boy to the left of my seet! IT WAS SERKADES! [AN: SERKADES IS ONE OF THE SNERKERS].
Briar: Who from the what?
Asahi: No idea.
He was a sit there and selling drugs to me and everything! I went all D: and then he Took out the dope and waved it in my fucking face. "I need it to pay for my props" he tried to say slidely.
"Mr Hames serkades is selling drugs!" I told the teechor but he was so busy reducing Clitoria that he didn't notice.
Cherry: Ouch, clit reduction in a classrooms gonna be painful.
"No I don't want any of your fucking drugs so stop before alicai sees you beside I am too far above the inner fluence" I told him. I was trying to help I mean if Alica saw this shit she would fuckign kill him for being on her turd.
Briar: Fair point.
"Your strong so I can not do anything to encourage you" sad Serkades because he just kept on trying to sell. "I'll call you when I'm selling cheap" he sed and swiped me his phone number for texting because nobody calls anymore.
Cherry: That’s a lie.
I riped it up because I was done being a bad person and I didn't even try to stab him so I felt good about myself just like it should be. In fact I was going to tell on him and do the right thing so he could sort his life out. Judah would want that.
Asahi: It’s so weird seeing Rebecca be somewhat good.
"Bye mr Hames I am going to the School police" I told Hames as I got up and left and he just stuck his middle finger up at my because she was busy kussing his lady bitch's face to notise his job. I walked down the fucking empty halls and located Arrow's room since his is a liutenant [AN: THE SCHOOL POLICE ARE IN ARROWS ROOM].
Briar: So this school has a hospital and police.
Briar: All it needs is a bank and it’s a town of its own.
But I heard mouning going on inside so I quickly opened the door to investigate!
"WHAT THE FUCK" I SCREAMED because I was scared. My old fiend Clarity Etude Symphonia was on the desk laying there and Arrow was on top of her as a Bat masticating on her body! He just kept going and going it was fuckign sick. There was blood everywhere like a volcano in Italy.
Asahi: Disgusting.
Cherry: Repulsive.
Briar: Revolting.
"Get off of her what the fuck are you doing!?" I screemed and took out my Katana and threw it across the room but the Bat dodged and I tried to get but I could because bats and its wings kept fapping.
Briar: How the heck is it still jerking off while it’s flying?
Asahi: I don’t think we want to know.
"You disgusting shit I will kill you" the bat said using Ekolocation to translate thoughts into me! "I have killed this worthless hunam and drained her of all of her blood" he translated loudly!
Cherry: That’s not how echolocation works.
"You sick fucker your wrong I am a vampire too!" Clarity screemed as she got up to kill Bat but he stopped her and went through her breasts to get inside her body! "FUUUCK" Clarity screemed!
Cherry: I’m scared but what’s goin’ on?
"I am now inside her body it is warm like a volcano's bakemeat. I shall nest in here" he said and then closed the entrance to her body so that he would be safe.
Asahi: By the looks of it, we’re in Alien now.
"Arrow stop trying to live inside of Clarity!" I screemed to protect my friend! I wanted to kill him but I couldn't not without killing clarity too.
"There is no use Rebecca" Clarity said now crying a lot not as much as Bella when Chadley had died but more than when Bella cried over Mikes dead body.
Briar: Bella is a good gauge of how sad you are. Are you “My dad died” sad or “This kinda-friend who won’t take a hint died” sad?
"He will nest in me and you cannot harm him without killing me first" she sed.
Asahi: Time to take one for the team, Clarity.
"Clarity you are my friend we will solve this predicament" I sad. "Esme will pay for this!" I also sad this time waving my fists towards the sun.
Briar: What does Esme have to do with this?
Cherry: She’s just a mom who wants to raise kids.
"No Rebecca you must know what I found out before…" She sad as she drew her gun from her bra. She was shaking because she was losing control of her body to the parasite Arrow inside.
Cherry: Aren’t most men parasites?
Asahi: Hey!
Briar: Rude.
Cherry: Bad joke. M’bad.
"The volutre are a diversion… Esme hired them to kill anyone on Cocolove's trail…" She was puking blood now because Arrow was eating her from the inside. She took out a jar of holy water. I was crying it was so traumetric.
Briar: Probably should see some therapy.
"He is the masterind behind everyting and he is connected to everything… You were not always supposed to…" she stopped and then her eyes rolled back like some weird chuky shit.
Asahi: Chocolove is the beginning and end, he is everything and nothing, knows all, sees all.
Cherry: Chocolove the secret main villain?
"NO! CHARLITY YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF THERES NO GOING BACK!" I scremed but it wasn't enough. "IF YOU DO THIS THAN YOU WILL BECOME THE GERATEST MONSTER OF THIS WORLD OF THEM ALL!"
Briar: Exaggerating a bit there.
"URGHGHGH GOODBYE" Clarity barfed and then she chugged the entire jar of holy water. Then her entire insides caught the fire and everything except for her bones and muscles and skin burned up she no longer had orgins to donate in case someone was going to dye.
Asahi: A vampire probably can’t donate their organs, either.
"AHAHAHAHA NOW I CONTROL HER!" Arrow said from inside Claritee as he piloted her like a giant mecha like in one of those animees. "IT IS I THAT CAN GRASP THE GERATEST MONSTER BY BEING THE GREATEST MONSTER OF THEM ALL!" But the clarity I knew was dead inside arrow had masticated into her and then she had commited to suicide by drinking water and now she was hollow. "THANK YOU REBECCA YOU MADE ALL OF THIS POSSIBLE" He screemd and then using Clarity he ran out of the Office.
Cherry: So Rebecca is the final villain.
Cherry: That makes more sense.
I ran out of the office too but I was crying because today had been really bad. Then Alicia and Tanishashanqua and Jacub and Edowerd all came to me. Except edowerd couldn't talk because he was typed up and his mouth was closed with duck tapes.
Asahi: Ah. Jacob caught him.
Asahi: Good doggy.
"What is wrong Rebecca?" Said Jacub. He helped me close very sexily I could even felt his nipples through his shirt.
Briar: Stop sexualizing him.
"Clarity just died" I sad.
"Aww that stinks" Said Alicia which reminded me of smoking da Mary J.
"By the way that fucker Serkades is trying to steal your turf where were yoy anyways!?" I questioned while flapping my raven hair with golden streaks in the dramatic sexy wind.
Cherry: Ah, was wonderin’ when we’d get the hair in the wind.
Asahi: The sexy wind, mind you.
"I was getting a new hand" sad Tanishashanqua who now had a robot hand sort of like Luke Skywinkers from Revenge of the Jedis. "The surger was difficult but I pulled it through" she said.
Briar: Oh, cool.
Cherry: That’s badass!
"THAT FUCKER" Alicai said and took off into the school with a gun equipped to use on SErkades that turd. Alicai would settle him straite.
"But anyways Rebecca why are you so beat up" Jacub asked.
"Because wile you were away Angela attacked me Bella and Tanisha and then Bellas truck fell and Chocolove stopped the killings!" I told him. He nodded very quickly at first but then stopped and did it slowly. Suddenly it became raining and thundering outsied so I felt at home.
Asahi: I’m surprised she didn’t yell at him for not being there.
Cherry: That sounds like something Rebecca would have done.
"We need to investighat Chocolove" Jacub said. Tanishashanqua wasn't sure at first since this was her dad and this meant that he was a lying cheator on her mother because shes a year older than angela (Tanishashanqua is 18) so now she had a reason to rebel.
Briar: Yikes, I feel bad for Tanishashanqua, in this case.
Briar: Her dad cheated on her mom.
"Jacob you go find Alicia and do that." Tanishashanqua said while taking control of the situation.
Asahi: Tanishashanqua is the true boss here.
She was preparing to distance, I could really tell. Jacub ran off and then Edowerd Tanishashanqua and me were left. "We need to go find Alec and Jane, some is telling me that they are more into this than we think." Tanishashanqua said and with that we were off to go an interrogate the two.
Cherry: Well, they are part of the Volturi.
AN: I have decided on what I will do after kronicals I will write a prequel telling of how angela became the vampire bitch that she is today I hope you all red it when it comes out BUT THIS ISNT ADVETISING SO DON'T TAKE IT THAT WAY GEEEZE
Briar: Why would you insert it in the middle of the story?
Briar: Why not at the end?
Cherry: Why ya think we want to know how she became a vamp?
But Tanishashanqua and jacub couldn't do it so they caem back. Then we were the 5 crusdaers again because clarity was a robot for arrow who was piloting her quickly. The 5 of us were there to crusade against esme and shit so we went out to buy dresses and suits for the guys for the upcoming school dance.
Briar: That’s nice of them, their buying the guys dresses and suits.
I had a feel that esme would attack then because she is a mega fucking bitch who ruins everything he touches.
Asahi: Esme just wants to be a mom and have a family.
We went to the market district [AN: ITS FAR FROM THE GETTO ONE TANISHASHQNA DOESN'T COME OUT HERE MUCH BECAUSE SHES POR]
Briar: Thanks for emphasizing.
to buy fresses for the dance. I saw one that was fucking beautiful with maching pink laces on the gown and Alicai told me to buy it. But at first I didn't have any money but then I remembered that when I killed Chardly I stole his wallt too so I opened that up and took the money from it.
Asahi: Wow.
Asahi: You kill the man and steal from him. That’s low.
I felt bad for about a second I mean it was his fault he dyed the stupid fucker
Cherry: Rude.
so I took the money and began to use it to pay for the dress when then I saw who the casher was!
"CHADLEY WHAT THE FUOCK" I scremed! Jacub Edowedr Alicai and Tanishahsnqua all looked amazed and then scared and then worried. "I thought you died" I sed crying because this was so emenstionul for me.
Briar: Wait? Charley is alive?
"actuall you killed me swine" he sed.
Asahi: She is swine. That is true.
I looked at him and he was a vampire just like Edowerd and Alicai and Esme and Angela and all the others.
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKER YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT" I screemed! I mean geeze he didn't have to go do that if he was alive all along.
Cherry: Your logic astounds me.
"But wait we flamed the house" edowerd spoke to say. "how can you be?!"
"Esme saved me fool she took my body and vamped it out" he sed and then he stuck his arm out at me and graped my throat. It really fucking hurt but not as much as the payne in my heart from having to have to put down chadley again for being an abomeration.
Briar: For starters, this is justified, you killed him. It’s called revenge.
Briar: Second. Abomination? Wow, that means Alicia and Edwards are abominations, too.
I cut off his hand with my Katana and then engaged him in combat.
"fuck you" I said and then cut his head off. His body fell.
Asahi: Can’t you just let the man live?
"Yay way to go" Jacub chwrd and me but then he got all scared all of a sudden! "Rebecca look at the scene!" he said trying to warn me! I looked back and there was the head! It was floating and being!
Cherry: Don’t you hate it when heads start floatin?
 "WHAT!? BUT I KILLED YOU!" I SCREAMED
"you did not kill me hard enough fool" he sed and then tore my dress in half with his zombie toeth. "Besides before I die I have to tell you the secret of what Esme is going to kill you with!" he scremed so then I stopped trying to kill him to listen. If he had disciplined earlier none of this would have ever happened it was all fucking chadley's fault!
Asahi: She is a pro at shifting the blame.
Briar: It’s amazing, really.
"what" I sed huffing expectantly
"Esme is going to mutate the town using radio waves from the radio station! And if you do not stop her than she is going to nuke everything!"
Briar: Mutate and then nuke? What point is there in the mutations, then?
then he finished and opened a portal and flew his head in and then the portal closed as I called him a fucker because right now hes being one goddamit.
"We have to fight aggrsively Esme will mutate the entire town if we do not stop the radio from spreading! She has the nuke and she will use it if we lose!" Alicai said taking out her gun. Tanishashanqua also took out her gun Jacub took out his ax and Edowerd his nales as the Crusdaer Crew got ready for battle.
Cherry: Why’s Edward all in the clear now? Did we miss an apology or explanation?
Briar: I don’t think we did.
We left the store but before that I all got my dance dress on because the chaser was dead wich meant free clothes!
Cherry: That’s not how that works.
When we got to the outside Esme was flying in the air. The sky was green from the radio's waves. Rose was flying too because she can be a fucking bitch.
"SUCK ON MY VOLCAN BAKEMEAT REBECA YOU SHIT MUFIN" Esme sop and Rose confom it
Asahi: Volcan… Bakemeat…?
Asahi: What the Hell?
That's when her army of zombies appeared and shit went residint evil on us the zombies were under esme's control so when she told them to attack they listened.
Cherry: She’s gonna make me hate RE, ain’t she?
Anya the bold and serkades were there too. But you know what fuck this shit I'm tired of these fuockers.
"FUCK YOU" I said as I took out my katana and cut off anyas head because guess what IM TRIED OF YOU RUNNING MY STORY WITH YOUR BAD INFLICTS ON EVERTHING GO BACK TO TH WHOLE YOU CLIMBED FROM!
Briar: Because that is mature.
Briar: Real mature.
Then I saw serkades but it was fine because Edowedr chopped his dick off with a chainsad they got from alicai.
"that is is Esme, Rebecca, we cannot die" I was told but there was too much fighting I culdnt tell who sed it. Whoever they are they were right. I took a gun from serkades because drug dealers have guns and shot it at Esme but her shield pooped up and she burned the shot to the ground! I fell distressed and dazzled because what the fuock can I even do in this situation.
Asahi: You can die.
"REBECCA!" Jacub shouted from afar "I BELIEVE IN YOU!" and with that I was better. Alicai my friend came running towards me wile Jacub and Tanishahsanqua fought zombies and shit.
"To defeat her you need to rock the fuck out" alicai told me as she handed me a rocking electic gitar made out of diamond from mars all for an awesome solo wile she took out an expensiv blood-ruby encrusted gold fiddle and got ready to fuck the rock out of me.
Cherry: I’m sorry? What?
Asahi: Did this turn into a fiddle contest with the Devil?
"take this… it is… a jew!"
Briar: A…Jew?
I looked at esme in the sky and punked the fuck out. We busted into a song that pursed the heavens of everything it had and bellowed to hell itself and then the core of the planet causing the molten iron in it to rush out like a Vulcan and bake the fucking shit off of esme's face which it did. The earth shattered in half braking apokalypticly because of my beautiful lyrics.
Briar: I don’t think destroying the world is a good thing.
Asahi: It’s definitely not a good thing.
"AAARRRGGGHHH REBECCA!"
"YES!?" I screemed to esme who was being fired and burned by the firey hot magma of my sin
Cherry: Ya admit it’s a sin, at least.
"FUCK YOU" she screemd and then teleported away but Rose didn't she got caught in the flames of ym torture and then the olten iron became a hand which dragged her down into hell.
"REBECCA SAVE ME" she screemed so I stopped my solo but it was too late Rossey was sicked into a molten spicy hellish land that is pretty bad but not as bad as what goes on in my heart mot of the time. Fuck you if you don't thnk Rebecca is deep.
Asahi: I guess fuck me.
Cherry: She’s bout as deep as a puddle.
Anyways after that we went home because seriously I was fucking done with everything today my dress was burned clarty was a piloted and angela was on the moon and now rossey's in fuckign hell which is just bad but I secretly thinks that she deserves it.
Asahi: Really racking up those ‘good person’ points.
Cherry: Ah, it’s Hell. Practically vacation.
chapter 32 - prom
It was the nite of the prom Anya Serkades and Chardley were all dead, angela was on the moon and rossey was in hell so for now all my problems wer solved.
Asahi: Well, Esme is still around.
Jacub showed up to the dor in a fucking sexy Indian outfit with only his you know what covered because that's what the indiens wore before we cockenered them.
Cherry: This sounds kind of racist.
Alice was also wearing something
Briar: I would hope she’s wearing something.
Edward had a suit on becauses hes an old school boy and jasmine was earing and Tanishashanqua was there too wearing stuff but not sa mine nice because she's a poor fucker.
Asahi: Can you not be a rude friend for one chapter?
We also had our instruments so that we could make a band at the dance because were going to play when we get there for the entire school.
"Wait Rebecca was what about esme?" Jacob opened his mouth and said.
Cherry: As opposed to when he talks with his mouth shut.
"do not worry I have a plan" I told him winking but no blinking because blinking is for emus.
Briar: …Everyone…blinks.
Asahi: She’s just dumb.
Anyways I rode Jacob all the way there and then got off when we got there. I also brought all of the instruments for our band its called "Opposite feelings give double abstinency" and its about how Judah rocks and how we will speed his world to the word.
Cherry: Ah, so basically Christian Rock.
When we got ther the dance was full all of the surviving students wer there.
Asahi: After everything they’ve been through, they deserve a dance to forget.
Jacub was my date so I was going to paes religion class like Aro wanted
Cherry: I forgot about that rule.
and esme was there too she was standing on top of the tower loking down evily at everyone and thigns.
The everything was dancing like a whore with pneumonoultramicroscopicsili covolcanokoniosis and jetengining and shit.
Briar: …Your diseases are fucking weird.
Cherry: I can promise ya that aint a real disease.
I saw bella she was an emo shit so I smacked her on the way in. Everybody laufhged at that fucking whore so we went back to dancing.
Asahi: I see we’re back to being horrible to Bella.
Asahi: The good could not last.
It was a slow song called my heart will travel on and Jacub and I dancd and made out during the dance it was so cuuute.
Briar I’ll take your word for it.
The we stated playing our band for the prom so those shitty emo fucks could mosh the fuckers.
Bullet given by bets boys
Given by all bet boys can do
Luzel try to prize up you
Willow tasted everything
Asahi: Well that song sounds like shit. Maybe it’s because it’s in English? Maybe it’s just a shit song.
Cherry: It’s a bad song.
I could see satan in my mind trying to stop me from playing but I kept going on because THAT WEAK FUCKER CAN SUCK MY TAINT!
Briar: Well, Satan just sucks.
 Bawu go away to ERROR TRANSLATION CODE fc at 405e
[][]
[][]
[][]
[][]
[] JMLITE'SWID YIE CR
DRUGS TAKETO FLITE
Asahi: …What?
Cherry: Ah, I love singing “fc at 405e,” “[] [] [] [],” and “Jmlite’swid yie cr”
The cowd rared as I busted out my epic gitar solo which also shok the foundations of the school and the earth
Cherry: Can ya not summon Hell this time?
. It didn't purse the heavens but it did cause the fucking obnockshis decorations to fall onto the prom comity which I thought was funny. But then something happened as I played the gitar began to grow and growand got fucking big and green and throbbing.
Asahi: That is uncomfortable imagery.
It throbbed so hard that heaven blew up I could see it from here. Then Hell too because half the planet was already gone it was weak from prevous strikes.
"REBEBCCA THANK YOU" people screemed astheir souls were saved by me, THE GERATEST PERSON IN AL LTHE WORLD
Briar: I’m sorry, but you’re not.
Asahi: Not even close to being a good person.
"YOU ARE WELCOME" I said to world walking the rabid truble that lay in my way.
Then the president of the school Esme came to satge to announce the winners of the election.
"hello dear children. Rossey is in hell so there will be no competition but before lthat lies we will talk about the prom king and queen!" she said and everybody cheered except me and my friends becuz we no fucking whore that esme.
"JACUB WINS PROM KING"
Asahi: I don’t know how American schools work. Can someone who’s not a student win prom king?
Cherry: As far as I know, no?
she screemd and jacub jumped into the stage and accepted his reward. He was shirtless and shit and he was so so fucking hot I mean fuck I wanted to have sex right there I even got a bit wet.
Briar: For someone who’s so angry when people say they want to have sex with you, you sure are a hypocrite.
"HOLY SHIT BELLA WON PROM QUEEN" she screemd with her middle finger up at me.
Cherry: You earned it!
Briar: Good job, Bella! I voted for you.
Asahi: Same, she had my vote.
But then wen bella got up on stag to accept her prom award we duped a bucket of blood onto her to humiliate her in the eys of the world. The world got up and cheerd because every fucking person hates that shitty bitch.
Cherry: Didn’t you ever watch Carrie?
Cherry: That’s a bad thing ta do!
Asahi: Well, time for everyone to die.
She cried and cryed and then Mark dragged her off the stage like a cow. But for some reason I felt a ping of badness in my hart. Why did this feel wrong? She deserted it!
Briar: No one deserves that!
Briar: What is wrong with you?
"NO ITS ACTUALLY REEBCEA" esme screemd
Asahi: Why you do us dirty like that?
and I got up to take my crown as my prize. I had on a beatufil fucking gorgeous dress and everybody thought I was the hottest girl in the rom everyone wanted to fuock me but I was saving myself for Jacob later tonight.
Briar: What happened to waiting until marriage?
Asahi: Knew that wasn’t going to last.
"yo motherfucker good job." I turned my head to see who the fuck called ME a motherfucker and It was Obomba he was here to give me my reward!
Cherry: Look, I’m sure Obomba’s got plenty more important stuff ta do than be here.
Obomba is the president of the country! He was wering a swhil traditional dress and shit.
Asahi: I’m sure he’s rocking his dress.
Asahi: But this honestly is starting to sound like that R/ThatHappened.
Cherry: We just need peeps to start clappin.
"you are an example for us all" Obomba sad and he put the crown on me because I was the president and empress of the danse! Everybody clapped their hands for me and even gave me a bouget of flowers they were fucking orange daisys.
Cherry: There’s the clappin.
"HELL FOOL YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!" I looked oer and it was Chocolove he was stating down Obomba!
Asahi: “How dare you give her flowers when it’s our anniversary! You know orange daisies are my favorite!”
"FUCK YOU BITCH YOU ANSWER TO ME" Obamba screemed and took out a breedsword and treated Chocoloev with me.
"NO OBOMBA DON'T DO IT HE IS UMMINE TO SORDS WITHOUT BLADE UNLIKE YOURS" I screemd but it was no use because Chocolove used his energy barier to atomic ombo's ass.
Briar: Sword immunity? I could use something like that.
As he died he outstretched his arms to Judah and said "god save me, my body!" but then he passed to the other side but then didn't because I had pursed heaven and freed all souls so he just lay their soules.
Cherry: Right, cause making sure there’s no spiritual afterlife’s so great.
Asahi: Kind of sucks.
But then chocolate love appeared and summond his Mick his jaarga and then became a lance to use against me! Chocolove took the lance and threw it at me
Asahi: Is anyone else following this fight? Because I’m still not sure what’s going on and why it’s going on.
Cherry: Don’t look at me. I’m just pretendin’ it makes sense.
"MY SPEAR ROD WILL PIERSE YOU" he screemed
Asahi: Kinky.
and then I dodged so it hit that fucking atrocious hag jane instead. She started grolowing and shit and then exploded into a booldy mess all over my fucking gorgeous dress. I WAS FUCKING ANGRY.
Briar: I get the feeling she hates all the canon female characters except Alice and possible Rosalie.
Asahi: That’s probably an accurate assumption.
But before I could do anything the moon started to crash into the planet! I looked up and it was ANGELA! SHE WAS PILOTING THE MOON INTO THE SCHOOL!
Cherry: While that sounds freakin’ awesome, it’s completely implausible an I’ll use some science an facts to show why.
Cherry: It’s generally accepted that an asteroids gotta be at least nine miles ta do some extensive damage to Earth on impact. Hell, the Cicxulub impactor is estimated t’be be at least seven miles in diameter—though to be more precise, it’s from seven to fifty miles in diameter. No one really knows for sure cause no one was there to measure it when it picked a fight with the earth.
Cherry: That’s the asteroid that wiped out the dinos.
Cherry: The moon? The moons over a thousand miles in diameter. You can imagine what’d happen.
Cherry: Though speed of impact is a factor. Even if yer goin’ at a snails pace, you’re gonna do some massive damage.
Cherry:…What the Hell, can I keep this random facts thing after I leave the theater? I’d ace every test!
"YOU FUCKER YOU THINK YOU KILL CAN ME THAT EASILY" she SCREAMED. She made a cross with her moon and then attacked chocolove with it and he tried to deflect with his hands! He was fast but she drove the moon like a fucking professional.
Asahi: Not to mention it’s… well… the moon.
"NO HOMIE DON'T KILL MY DAD HE'S ALL I HAVE LEFT" Tanishashanqua screemed as she got between Chocolove and the moon.
Briar: Wait, if Chocolove is Tanishashanqua and Angela’s dad, they’re sisters, right?
Asahi: Yep. Gonna be a fun family reunion between those three, Bella and Renée.
The entire dance stopped to look at the scene it was so beautiful and we could touch it.
Cherry: You’d think they’d be freakin’ out because someone’s bringing the moon to the Earth.
Angela stopped and stared crying because all she evr wanted was to be runited with her long last dad after he mom dyed of AIDS when agela was only 5
Cherry: Aww… I feel bad for her. Losing your mom sucks, specially that young.
I also lafed when that happen the fucking whore.
Cherry: What the fuck?
Asahi: Yeah, whatever good points she’s acquired for saving Bella, she’s losing all of them this chapter.
Then something ajazing happened! Tanishahsnaqua's word touched angela and she stoped her rampage. She hot off the moon to go and hug cocolove and then the three embraced each other. They were a famil yagain it was a beautiful site to see!
Briar: And then they directed their murderous rage at Rebecca.
Then Jane came back from the beyond because I blew up heaven and hell with my music so she then told as "WE HAVE TO GO" quickly because the moon was coming.
Cherry: Thank ya! Thank ya for noticing the freaking moon is goin’ to collide with the Earth!
"but why" I screemed
Asahi: Because the moon!
"Because Cocolove is going to try to kill you bitch" she screemed and then made magic with her fingers and screemed "METEOR". Then the moon got up and started attacking again and Chocolove took out his lance to stop it.
Briar: …I’m just imagining that the moon sprouted some arms to fight with.
Asahi: Heh. That’s a funny mental image. Only way ‘the moon started attacking again’ makes sense.
"WILD MOTHERFUCKER YOU AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME" Chocoloe scremed as he fought off the moon from the dance. Angela helped too "I will protect my daddy!" she screemed. But then piloted Clarity [AN: ARROW]
Cherry: As if we forgot Green Arrow’s in her.
and Mark and Cayus all appeared! They were the Volture!
Asahi: Oh, no! They are?
Asahi: Who would have known!
"IT IS THE TIME TO BATTLE YOU AND KILL YOU REBECCA!" Esme screemd "VOLTURE! ROLL THE FUCK OUT AND FUCK HER UP!" and with that we engaged them in a epic battle.
Briar: We will have to take your word for it.
Edward took out his nales and fought Cayus wile Alice took out her gun and stated to fight the robot Clarity while Jacub fought Mark with his axe.
"Tanishahsnqa help me figh esme!" I screemed as I pushed a student out fo the way of an e nergy beam. I took out a grenade and threw it as esme flew around the room shooting of kamehamehas and shit but it didn't' stop her!
Cherry: What? We’re in Dragon Ball now?
Cherry: If I don’t see Vegeta showing up an’ curbstompin’ all of em, Imma revolt.
"FUCK I CANT HIT HER!" I screemed!
"she is not immoral" Tanishahsnqua sad wile shooting her getto gun. It was a sene to see! Tanishashqnau's mech arm turned into a gatling gun and started machine gunning that fucking bitch
Asahi: Yang?!
"TAKE THISSSSSSS" she screemed! But then the fucking sluts sulpichia and nympho appeared and thired to use magic on Tanishashanqua.
Cherry: The who the what now?
"FIRAGA" bympho screemed
"BLIZARGA" Sulpy screened
Asahi: Oh. Now we’re in Kingdom Hearts. Yay…
"NOOOO NOT MY SISTER" and with that Angela took the hit for Tanishahsnqua. Jane took the other one that hag and disintegrated so tht her soul could never return to her fucking ugly ass boody.
Briar: Can you stop being rude? Please? Just for once?
Cherry: Honestly I liked Jane? She was actually pretty cool in the books?
But angela was okay wich was polished good because Tanishahsnqua cant afford the operation to save angela if she died.
Asahi: Polished good?
Asahi: What is with American slang?
Asahi: What does it mean? What does it mean!?
"Angela you are my sis put aside your differences and work with me to fight evil" Tanishashanqua said and esme was killing motherfuckering normal students with her kamehamehame's.
Cherry: And you suddenly care?
"I WILL TRY" angela said redeemed for all of her actions as she began to.
Asahi: That’s the laziest redemption arc I’ve ever seen
Cherry: It makes me cringe.
But then esme flew onto me and pushed me really fuckign far away but it didn't last because "TELEPORT" I heard.
Suddenly me Edowerd and Bella were all in a dark house.
Asahi: For the love of—!
Asahi: Let Bella be out of this story so she can be safe and at peace!
"were we go to?" Bella say. Then I thought as I recognized the house! It was… THE COLLINS MANOR!
Briar: Because they live in a manor, the best way to avoid suspicion.
"ITS EDOWERD'S HOUSE!" I screemed. "But who teleported us!?" I asked edowerd. "The Hag is dead!" Edowerd nodded and turned is back to me.
Asahi: Can you maybe be respectful to people for once in your life?
Cherry: She’d die if she did.
"I know who" EDowerd said. Suddenly…. CHOCOLOVE STEPPED OUT INTO THE FOYAY.
" Chocolove what are you-" bella began but then Chocolove took out a gun that was fucking huge and aimed it at us.
Briar: Hey, Edward. Right now would be a good time to use that vampiric speed to save them.
"The plan commences" he said and then blew bella's entire fucking head straight off and all of the blood got on me again.
Asahi: That’s it!
Asahi: I’m rioting!
Asahi: Screw this! You killed the only person I actually care about in this story. How dare you?
Everythign stopped.
AN: this chapter was edited by Kurshee aka Yammama who is the only one who fucking hels with this shit.
Briar: How is it that people keep agreeing to edit?
But I leaned from before that you can trust these fuockers so after this he's fird to. FUCK YOU YAMAMA
Cherry: Well, that’s not very professional.
Cherry: Yamama was just tryin’ t’be nice by helping you with this awful fic.
In that moment, things suddenly became clear. There wasn't anymore confusion in my mind. No, that's not true. I was paralyzed in shock still.
Briar: How is it that the death of someone you hate and constantly abuse is what shocks you, but everyone else dying doesn’t even bother you?
The blood from what used to be Bella's head was splattered all over me.
Asahi: Screw you!
This wasn't like when Alice used those non lethal bullets.
Cherry: Hah. Yeah. Non-lethal.
Bella's entire head was gone. Spread out over the foyer floor, never to be reassembled.
Briar: Until she remembers there is no heaven and so her soul returns like Janes did when she was killed the first time.
Cherry: Consistence? TwilightRova don’t know her.
Before I could even turn to look at her killer, another gunshot went off. It took a moment to register. A warm red liquid was seeping out of my abdomen. He got me, too. I tried to cover the wound with my shaky hands.
Asahi: Hey, guys?
Asahi: Is it just me, or is this chapter actually… good?
Cherry: Yeah… there’s not been any spelling mistakes, at least outside the authors note. The story is plausible so far…
Cherry: Why the Hell would ya fire Yamama if this is the kind of quality we get with them editin’?!
"W-why?.." I manage to mutter. Blood is seeping out of my mouth. I might have been able to take this had Angela not done so much damage to me yesterday. I don't have much time.
Briar: By the Gods, acknowledging the beatdowns that Rebecca has gotten in the previous chapters and it’s ill-effects it will have on her health?
Briar: I’m without words!
"You should've played along when you had the chance, girl." My assailant caustically berated me from his position at the top of the staircase.
Asahi: “Caustically”! I never thought I’d see that word used in this kind of story!
Asahi: And mentioning his position! The angle and distance that’s implied!
Cherry: Shit, this chapter is good!
"Now, vampire. Finish her." I glanced at Edward as he was ordered around. His hooded eyes had turned a crimson red.
Briar: Edwards working with Chocolove?
Briar: Wait, this explains why he attacked her earlier!
Asahi: Damn. That’s actually good.
"Don't do it Edward!"
"Why shouldn't he?"
Cherry: Honestly, I want Edward to kill her.
Asahi: Yeah, regardless of the jump in quality, and boy is it a jump, I still hate Rebecca. She can die.
"Because... Because if for just one moment I don't keep up this facade of fake-perfection, you'll realize how empty I am on the inside. Yeah, empty would be the best word to describe it. You see Bella over there? She's empty too. She's dead. Chocolove killed her."
Briar: And you suddenly care? You constantly abuse her, you tried to kill her on multiple occasions, you stabbed and shot her. Honestly, if it wasn’t Chocolove, it would have been you who killed her.
I stumble to the ground as I finish, blood and flesh searing from my wound. "I bet you he always planned it to, just like he and my mother did for me!" I was laughing maniacally now.
Asahi: Oh? He’s connected to her mother? There’s more to her tragic backstory than what we know?
The walls were beginning to pulsate in and out, blending and bending the fabric of the room together and apart. I'm being pulled apart.
Cherry: I like this line.
Cherry: I actually like this line!
"They hid me from the world for years so that when I was finally released, I would be a tyrant." Chocolove steadies his aim on me as he descends the stairwell; his face says it all. Stop speaking at once or I will end you here and now.
But you know what?
Things are clear for the very first time for me. Something locked away has finally surfaced.
Fuck him.
Briar: Damn.
Asahi: *Whistles*
Cherry: This chapter is makin’ me hate this story less and less.
Cherry: For once Rebecca is a good narrator. Not a good character, but damn this is good narration.
"Don't listen to this girl, Edward," Chocolove says with a certain smoothness to his voice. He extends his hand towards Edward while keeping the gun aimed at my head. In this moment, I don't even know where I am anymore. Things are wobbly, and I can barely see Edward. He's leaning closer and closer to Chocolove, considering which of the two of us to try and go after.
Briar: The detail! The description! The way you can feel and see what’s going on!
Briar: This editor was a Godssend.
I can't let Chocolove convince him to gut me. I can't let it end here. Anywhere but here.
"NO! Don't you get it by now Edward!? I act the way I do because if I don't, then people will realize that I'm nothing!"
Asahi: We knew you were nothing even with you acting that way.
Every piece of my body screams out in a putrid agony, begging for relief. I can't stop though; if I stop for a moment then I lose my only chance at survival. I have to bring Edward back to his senses. "Deep down, I'm hollow inside. I was made to be hollow. I was engineered to be hated from the very beginning, to give all of humanity something to hate together; to unite them under one common cause."
Cherry: I don’t like how meta this is gettin.
Cherry: It scares me.
As Edward backs away from Chocolove, my tears litter the messy floor of the foyer. I'm failing. I have to keep convincing him that I'm not worth preying on. "My death." I couldn't stop myself from breaking out into laughter, interrupted only by sobs and blood I would cough up. I was cracking. I couldn't even tell if it's from the pain or from the despair.
Asahi: Both.
Asahi: Now you know what we felt these past thirty-some chapters.
Everything I had done in my life, it all hit me. Poor, poor Bella. Charlie. Jane. I've mistreated everybody around me. I deserve this fate. I deserve to die, alone and afraid.
Cherry: Yes, you do.
All I can do was collapse and cry.
"Edward, what I have done here is for the greater good. A monster such as Rebecca has no place in society. She is to be feared, not loved; despised, not pitied." The man preached with a twisted sense of conviction.
Briar: I want to agree with you, I really do.
Briar: But you’re not entirely likable either, Chocolove.
Asahi: You’re just making us feel pity for her, now.
Like a rubber band that had been stretched too far, something inside of me broke. The recoil echoed through my body, sending my slumped figure into a spasm. A burning sensation began to grow in my chest, and in a moment of clarity I grasped at my abdomen. The searing pain got worse and worse, and I was back on my side, screeching in agony. The realization that I was not simply shot had dawned on me. There was a hole through my body, as big as my first, running all the way through. I'm already dead.
Asahi: Damn, the quality.
Asahi: I can’t get over how good it is.
In an instant, the walls of reality came crumbling down upon me. Each breath in this world took years to finish, while every thought was over in an instant. Just as suddenly as I entered this trance, I left it with a conviction. There was not a thing holding me back anymore. I rose to my feet, gripping my Katana with both hands. Before he even had a chance to react, I charged Chocolove and ran him through with my sword. I kicked Edward with all my might, sending him flying back through a wall. This was the strength I was given by my creator.
Cherry: Ah! The fourth wall! She kicked Edward through it!
The strength to choose my own destiny.
"Up until this point, I have had the displeasure of trying to comprehend life here. Now I see that I was never meant to understand life as it is in the first place; this is because I was constructed to be a hollow being." I run him through again, pinning the scientist to a wall of the manor using his own daughter's sword.
Briar: Oh, yeah. The katana was given to her by Angela. I actually forgot because it never got mentioned again.
Briar: A good throwback.
"What you perhaps do not understand, Chocolove, is how genius your plans were. In fact, part of me wishes to commend you for them. Hiding me from the world for years so that when I was finally released, I would be a tyrant? Priceless. Literally engineering a child which would grow into a being that would be despised and ridiculed for its apparent mental illness? Utter brilliance. Revealing this all to me, however? I would say that I'm disappointed, but that would require me to be able to feel. Something which, according to you, I've never been capable of doing."
Asahi: She’s right. She really does lack any feelings that aren’t self-centered vanity.
He struggles to reply as I talk to him, locked to the wall by my blade.
"Throughout all your planning and deviancy, you failed to remember one important detail about what you were doing. You were making me unique, Chocolove. A Rarity. Something truly special. In your quest to create something that people would strive to exterminate, you developed a being unlike any other. A being made entirely out of weaknesses and flaws."
"You see Chocolove, even with the discord that would run through my head, I learned something important. No matter what, people can get by and change despite their flaws. It's one of the most humanistic traits I can think of. And yet, I had been just beginning to display those kinds of traits myself- Shedding that coat of superiority and stupor to connect with people who I never dreamed were so interesting! Does that make me human, Mr. Judah Chocolove?" His eyes flare as he hears that name.
Cherry: Holy shit!
Cherry: Chocolove is Judah!?
Asahi: Things make sense. Things are making sense at it is so disorientating.
The name of the man who raised me. The name of the man who I had been conditioned to forget since day one. The name of the man who brought me into this world.
"No, it doesn't. Because according to you, a monster can never change. A monster has no potential to love, to learn, or even to live. Its only defining characteristic is that it is the antithesis to humanity." I twist the Katana ever so slightly. He bears the pain, only wincing.
"Somehow though, you created a person capable of experiencing every feeling across the spectrum, something that directly contradicts with your definition of what a monster is! You tortured them and broke them and finally molded them into a being so heinous, so vile, that people would band together just to erase it and every trace of it from this world."
"If you had only given me a chance, Judah! All I ever wanted to just to be loved- Nowhere was it written that I had to walk into that school every day of my life honestly believing that my actions had no consequences, that I had the power to murder people because I was some perfect sparkling princess. I didn't have to be that psychotic, foolish, selfish, ridiculously weak bitch- A twisted girl who only was warranted interest when she did something murderous!"
"Forget, for just a moment, about how you destroyed the life I never had, and try to consider the lives of all the people I've killed because you made me into this. Take a couple of moments. Good. What could you possibly say to make that better? I killed Charlie- the only adult who ever tried to help me. You've killed Bella."
"It is nothing but one road bump in an otherwise flawless-" Chocolove began. I twist the Katana further. He lets out a small shriek.
"What am I going to do about this, you ask? I'll tell you what. I'm going to throw a wrench in your plan right now and end it." This is it. I want to see the fear in his eyes.
"You fool."
What?
"Do not take me for a weakling due to my profession, dearest Rebecca."
Where's the fear? I have him pinned. There's no escape!
Briar: This is getting so good.
Briar: I don’t even know what to say.
"There's no way to unite people without the common enemy, is there?"
"What are you-?" My sentence is cut off. He frees himself in an instant. He's fast, faster than anything I have ever seen. In less than a moment, we have traded places. I'm pinned up against the wall by a lance through my mid section.
"I'm starting anew, Rebecca. You are not my only experiment. It's time to clean up loose ends." He smirks, taking the lance out.
Asahi: Oooh! This is good!
Briar: The dialogue, the suspense! The emotion!
Cherry: Are we even still readin’ the Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin? This is too good.
This is my only chance.
I gathered up every ounce of might I had left in my frail body and tried to move out of the way. I wasn't fast enough. He drove the lance through my skull.
Darkness took over.
Briar: Can we just end it here?
Briar: Please?
Briar: This was so good.
AN: okay so frum now on this is the break in Kornicals. I will be trying a new story it will be better then this one you guys.
Asahi: Not hard to surpass all the other chapters. But this one? This one is going to be hard to beat.
It will start angela on her journey and then maybe when ie writen a bit of that i wil come back to Kornicals and continue witing it (i have idea of how to countie it but withu editor it will be betrayd SO REED IT wHEN IT COMES OUT BUT THIS ISNT ADVETISING JUST KINDA SO THINKS FOR REEDING! 333
Briar: Okay, a lot of that didn’t make sense. Only that this isn’t advertisement and that the rest of the chapters won’t be edited.
Cherry: I’m scared.
Chapter 34 – ALIVE AGIN
"what fuck" I sed as I got up shakily.
Asahi: Ah, damn.
Asahi: Back to this crap.
Briar: I miss the beautifully written chapter.
"wate what how the fuck!? I kill you but you survive that? mtoherfucker" chcolove sed to me.
Cherry: I want the other Chocolove back, the one who was written like a suave villain and not a bitch.
"I don't know gtfo you just killed me" You! I say and then do! Cocolove got his lance out and looked mega fuocking confused.
Briar: We’re all confused.
And then vamporized and dispeared into the darkness. I was in a graveyard and so was bella to. We were both fucing fuocking confused because last I remember I was killed by lance and bella was bullet by shot.
Cherry: By all accounts, it doesn’t make sense.
"just kidding, lol" bella say getting up now alive and better.
Asahi: Thank God.
She lauhs and smiles and says "I just pretended to die I can do that you know"
Briar: Useful skill. Getting your head shot off and surviving, very useful.
and then we hi 5 becaused this was a plan we had emergiencially planend out every since the beginning of the last chapter. Bella would fake dye and I would faek dye to make motherfucoker Chocolove reveel just how evil he was that raggot.
Asahi: Yeah, that’s a lie.
Cherry: Smells like a liar.
"Rebecca wtf your body it has changed!" bella say looking to me. I standed back and looked at myself and then I realized I was not me!
Briar: Ah, those out of body experiences where you realize you’re not you.
"it was my soul even though my body dyed my soul didn't go to heaven or hell so it found a new body!" I say. And then I realized!
MY BODY WAS BELLA'S AND BELLA AND ME WERE SHARING A BOODY!
Asahi: Big yikes.
Cherry: Bella kick her out of your body!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I scream becuz Bella and Bella I was had to share the femae genitalia that is my body!
Briar: Technically it is Bella’s body.
Briar: You have to share her genitals.
"we have to fix this fucking fast you shitbitch" Bella say now no longer friend since mutual enemy in Chocolive was defeated.
Asahi: Was he really defeated? Was he?
"damn fast" I say. So then we went home to Cullen manner and I went to the bathroom and I started my moisturizing treatment because bella's face is filled with goddamn motherfucking acne and shit because she never fucking takes care of it.
Briar: Bella is pretty stop making things up.
Or was it my face now. Or was it Bella's? Who was even thinking this I no one don't even know at this uppity point somebody fucking put me back in my own body!
Cherry: Or just exorcise your soul and let you die.
"Rebecca's soul now lungers inside of Bella's" Jacob explained to Alicia, Tanishashanqua, Edowerd, Alec, and everybuddy else who didn't try to fucking MURDUR me earlier
Briar: When did they get here?
[I explained, you do not want to kill me rite now trust me] after I explicated it towards him. But Jacob didn't expantiate it right and it was like he was trying to place some of the blame on me!
Asahi: “Rebecca’s soul now lingers inside of Bellas” How is that placing the blame on you? It’s stating the facts.
Asahi: Your soul is in Bella’s body.
Like it was my fault that my soul piloted into Bella's body afterwards and her fatass soul didn't get the fuck out of my way. Maybe if her soul stopped eating so many fucking pillbugs on the playground then she wouldn't be so fucking ugly that motherfucker.
Cherry: Can you not be rude to her? You have to share a body.
Edowerd said: "hello friend I will stick with you from now as a simple form of Rebella!"
"Yes Rebella is an excellent name for the organism" Carlisle the father Collin came in and said.
Cherry: I mean, if it fits.
Briar: Becca would have been better, personally. Bella, Rebecca. Becca.
"I love her she's even cuter than the real Bella!" Jacob squirted. Right then Bella's soul popped right out of her body and went into the doll on her desk.
Briar: Of course it did.
Asahi: I hate this so much.
Now I had Bella's body because mine dyed and now Bella was in an old doll because let's face it she has all the charisma and grace of a goddamn fucking dead ass doll.
Asahi: Uuuurgh.
Asahi: all the character development of the last chapter. Gone.
But this meant I had bellas fucing stupid ass brain that failed psychics class two years in a row so im fuocked inn school now.
Cherry: Good.
"You are so cute, Rebecca" Jacob said to me, because I'm not fucing bella anymore. I had taken bella's body in the ethereal struggle for life and that meant I was rightfully at the top of the fucking food chain.
Asahi: Actually, it means you’re a body thief and deserve to be killed for stealing another’s body.
Briar: I’ve handled cases like these before. The remedy is surprisingly simple, the right herbs crushed and mixed together in an elixir, let the fumes fill the room with the subject in it for a few hours and the invading soul with be dragged out.
Briar: Otherwise, the more painful method involves words, magic, and a lot of stabbing.
Briar: since Bella’s soul in a doll and won’t be harmed, I would personally go with the stabbing option.
"But my sword! It was broke in the fight!" I say. Then Angela step forward and tell me something.
"However to beat it, here is something! When I summoned the moon I made a new Katana. Take my Black Katane and use it's super power to fight the force" she say and then gtfo because Nobody wanted to fucking deal with the that shit of her and Tasnishashqna's dad being evil and crap.
Cherry: Rude.
"So Cocolove is evil we must kill that fucker" I said.
Asahi: We kind of knew he was messed up, but I honestly didn’t expect him to be the final boss.
But then angela came "Chocolove you do not need to kill that bastard, we would are evil through blood?"
Briar: Well, you at least are evil.
Briar: You did murder a bunch of people.
"No we must try to save daddy he is just confused!" Tanishashanqua say. She is so kind but I don't take that shit from no one so I smacked her getto ass face and she was all like "did u just fucing do that whore" and I was all like "fuck yeah you wanna go!?" and she pussied out. The ho.
Asahi: Uuuuurgh.
Asahi: This hurts me as a reader, this really, really hurts me.
"we are not worried you shouldn't worried about that" Edowerd say and we did not know why yet. He could tell us. He would tell us.
Briar: Have to emphasize that bit, he could and he would.
"we must now fight esme, the wolves, and now chocolate love. These are three many [AN" see!? Instead of 2many I have 3many!] enemies to fight of!"
Asahi: That’s just… stupid.
Cherry: Why are you fighting the wolves now? I can understand Chocolove, and Esme, but the werewolves? I thought you were cool with them.
"Do not worry about him what we must worry about is the wolves. They are cuming to start the final battle vs the Collins" Jacub say. "But you can change life's tide like the waters of a waterfall can change the course of a farm" he also say.
Briar: The wolves fighting the Cullens is the only thing that makes any sense.
Briar: Even his inspirational line made no sense.
"So if I direct the course of the farms I will be able to turn tide?" I say!? This was a chance!
Asahi: Yes. If you go and change the way the farms are facing, you can change the battle.
"yes I believe so" bells say.
"bella I am sorry this happned we will find a way to get u back in ur uglyass body" I say and then she cryed a teardrop of joy becuz someone was nice to her in her fucking life.
Cherry: I’d be freakin’ delighted if someone finally treated me like a human being.
Cherry: Especially when I’m in this predicament because of the people around me.
"we will deal with this nonsense hell tomorrow" edoweord say and we break the group of me, bella, Alicia, tanishahsnqua, alec, jacub, edowerd, and angela [but not really she will probably turn evil later don't spoil it though].
Asahi: You just spoiled it, though.
Asahi: I mean it’s a crappy spoiler and no one would have been surprised.
Asahi: But you’ve only yourself to blame for this spoiler.
It was time to eat and shit and go to bed though. So I did. Bella went to slep in alicia's dollhose.
Cherry: Ah, yes. Bathroom time for everyone, even the vampires who don’t use the bathroom.
"Tomorrow I will fucking handle this bullshit" I say and go to bed.
Briar: Tomorrow you will likely make it all worse.
Chapter 35 – Working at McDonalds
Cherry: Now that’s a weird change in story.
Cherry: Went from Vampiric-Werewolf war to Fast Food.
Asahi: Yet it’s not farfetched for this story.
Today I woke up from my bed furiously.
Briar: Waking up angry, happens all the time.
I used spellcheck on my paper so that when people like my teechors tried to make fun of it they would b wrong. And they are. And so it shall be!
Asahi: Good, now can you use spellcheck on your story?
Asahi: Please?
"good morning Rebecca" doll bella not human bella said to me nicely. She is so nice ever sins she lost her boody bdecause she knows that I am trying hard to get it back!
Cherry: If you’re tryin’ hard, you’d evict yer soul from her body an let her take it over again.
Thenshe made me EGGS
Asahi: A doll… made you eggs?
Asahi: What is this? Disney?
"work harder you bitch" I say to her and she do. She is like the wicked stepmother.
Briar: You really don’t understand what ‘nice’ means, do you?
Briar: Or wicked?
Cherry: She’s makin’ ya eggs when just openin’ the fridge must be hard as fuck, an your being a bitch to her!
Com to think of it yes that is exactly what she is aftr what she did to me.
Asahi: Bella. Did. Nothing. Wrong.
Asahi: If anything, you’re the wicked stepsister.
Asahi: Actually, scratch that. You’re literal Satan.
But that is another story. It was soething too terribul to write down or say out loud.
Cherry: Probably cause ya can’t think of a justifiable reason for why you’re this terrible to her.
I didn't want to think abut how she sent chardly to kill me. Charly was my friend until became my fiend due to bells's influx.
Briar: No? She didn’t?
Asahi: Charlie didn’t want to kill you. You wanted to take his keys and decided murder was the best way to get them! Bella had nothing to do with it!
Then I realized I was so silly!
Cherry: Everythin’ bout this is silly.
We didn't have school today I laughed and sighed. It was Saturday which is a weekend day! Tomorrow would be Sunday! Then would come Monday the day we went back to school to graduate and enter the worl das adults. I am ready to be an adult.
Briar: Oh, it’s that close to graduation already?
Cherry: I get the feelin’ she doesn’t know how the adult world works.
Because it was not the weekstart I went to dairy queen to get siome ice creem because fuck u mainstream shits if you think ice cream is only eating at night.
Asahi: Ice cream is a food you can eat at any time of the day.
But no! I culdnt eat as much I wanted because bel;la's body was fucking fatass. Oh wait it was fat ass. Boys like fat ass so my ass aint gonna not stay fat you fuckers!
Briar: So… your ass is going to stay fat?
Asahi: I guess some guys like asses? I’m not really one of them, I guess.
Cherry: Oh? You’re tits man, then?
Asahi: Ah, no. I guess I just… don’t really care how they look too much?
"Yo homie what's up?" sed Tanishahsqnua who works hard at derry queen when she is not at school or fighting evil with me. "what can I get for you?"
"I want a fucking mcflurry"
Cherry: McFlurry?
Cherry: You’re at Dairy Queen ya pleb! Go to McDonalds if ya want that trash.
"okay just one moment that will be $600" she say.
"NO THAT'S TOO MUCH CASH" I say.
Asahi: Yikes. That much? Well, I guess considering they have to go to McDonalds and buy a McFlurry so they can sell it to her, makes sense.
"too bad bitch were in a recession" she sed to me but no! I took the mcflurry out of that whore Tanishashanqua's hands and left the store. What a bitch trying to steal my hjard earned cash. This was the money from chadley's life insurance how DARE she try to steal it from me! What did she who think she be!?
Briar: So that justifies you stealing from a store?
Briar: Your logic is nonsense.
Cherry: I want to go back to the good chapter this is too painful.
Then I saw Alicia drug deeling behind DQ so I went over to her to talk to her and show her light of god [AN: Rebecca stil worshops Judah from the bible not Judah chocolove you sick fuockers].
Asahi: As far as I care, they’re one in the same.
"hey becca what's good" she say. She looked fuckign gorgeous in her red lipstick red cocktail dress. She say that it helps her to get all of the boys like Serkades before I fucing killed him for being dead earlier last arc.
Briar: You killed him for being dead? Didn’t know dying was such a heinous crime that deserved execution.
"not much" I sed sexily slurping my mcflurry. Unf I was so hot.
"Rebecca you don't do much. You should find a job. Try McDonalds down the street I think they are hiring!" she said fluently!
Asahi: Thanks, Alicia, for pointing that out. Rebecca does absolutely nothing of value.
I went to McDonalds to go an get a job. "I NEED WORK" I said to the bartenders and they were all like "okay you are overkwalified but okay"
Briar: McDonalds isn’t a bar. It’s fast food.
and so now I was behind counters! I waited for my fiorst customer when I saw him I culdnt believe who it was!
"bella why are you working at Mickey D's?" asked Rosally! She had escapd from Hell! BUT HOW!?
Cherry: Cause it’s Rosalie. As if Hell could keep her down.
"how be!?" I screemed at the top of my lungs! "I saw the molten sin drag you to hell, you cannot be!" I flummoxed!
Cherry: Cause it’s Rosalie.
"if you think that will stop me you have a lot of think to still do" she sad. "give me a goddamn double cheeseburger" say.
"that is money" I say.
Asahi: No. That’s a double cheeseburger.
"how about I fucing kill everyone here!?" she escalated!
Briar: That is quite the escalation.
"oh fuck that bullshit" I say and took my katan out and cut her gun in half but then she and I got into a martial arts routine and shit was flying everywhere the cops came to try and stop us but we wer moving at the speed of sound not quite light!
Asahi: That’s one way to lose your job in one day.
"THIS MOON POWERED KATAN BRINGS DEATH!" I screem and chop Rosalie's gun into half!
Briar: Okay, very excessive and rididculous.
Cherry: Sounds like anime BS.
"you fool I am not even using one tent of my power" she say and then her eyes turned red! Sort of like she was vamping out except not! We fught some more, and I dodged her bullits so they blew up the cash registurd!
"goddamit you have to pay for that" I say!
Briar: Or you can, considering you started this.
"fuck you I'm bringing the cash to Esme!" she say and then enacted her assasinial duties and shot my manager. The bitch. I get my $$$ from him!
Cherry: Yer gonna end up fired, anyways.
"Idiot, I did not even use my strength" she say. Her strengthened bullits were no match for me though! But then they wer!
Asahi: And no one is surprised.
Cherry: She’s just so overconfident, and then she realizes that she’s screwed.
Oh no what do now!? Then rose left with the cash and McDonalds was fucing ruined.
"Rebecca you are fired for not stoping her it is your civic duty to protect people" my manager say in deathly breath.
"wait how the fuock do u know I am rebecac and not bella" I ask.
Briar: Because you have to introduce yourself when you get a job and you probably introduced yourself as Rebecca.
Asahi: Of course she’s going to try blaming Bella for this.
"oshit" he say and dyied in my arms, a lover I never got to have.
Briar: You don’t even know his name you’re a rather bad lover.
"Okay seriously fuck this shit" I angrily shoke and I left Mickey D's and went to find a new job becuz this one sucked donkey balls. Maybe I could teach at the indiend restraint where Jacub worked because at this rate forks is a crime zone that nobody shuld have to live in.
Asahi: You’re still a student, you need a teaching degree and I think a license to teach in America. You wouldn’t be accepted.
Cherry: Do you even know anythin’ to teach at a Indian school?
Then it hit me like a semi! It was a semi actually but I am fine don't worry. As I flipped the biord to that fucing semi driver I had a thought and this thought was a good one!
Briar: Unfortunately you survived being hit by a semitruck.
I SHOULD BECOME A COP LIKE CHARDLEY BEFORE ME! I would take his mantle like the prodigigy I am and protect and serve all kinds!
Cherry: I mean, it’s not a bad—
Asahi: Wait for it.
Except Mexicans I don't fucing like them.
Asahi: There it is.
I ran off to the polise station with Jacub! THIS WAS MY CHANCE!
Briar: Your chance to make a bigger fool of yourself? Yes, yes it is.
AN: I m now repoening this sextion to commints.\
Asahi: Oh, goodie. My favorite part.
"OMFG I can't believe Your writing skills! I like a good story Whether it's making fun of Bella or not I mean come on you are probably in 3rd or 4th grade I mean people like you shouldn't even be on this damn site.
Cherry: They’re not wrong. Ya need to be thirteen at least to make an account.
I know 4th graders that sound like Albert Einstein Compared to you. Get some brains and grow up. -TheTruthDetecter"
Asahi: Speaking the truth, oh TheTruthDetector,
Im soree, how did the operashin to remove that flagpole from your ass go you shitbrick?
Briar: And another stunning example of maturity from TwilightRova. How can someone so mature withstand the people around her?
AN: hahaha u fuckers srsly thugt that the old chaptr 35 was REEL u dumb shits!
Asahi: Ah, yes, calling your readers dumb shits. Such a good move as an author, it’s a wonder why none of the bestselling authors insult their readers more often.
It was may fools like april fools only more secret! Stupid shits.
Cherry: Says the one makin’ up holidays to justify a terrible chapter.
Chapter 35 – Saving Bella
Asahi: Finally we’re going to save Bella!
Asahi: The girl deserves the world and more after all she has been put through.
Today I woke up from my bed furiously. I used spellcheck on my paper so that when people like my teechors tried to make fun of it they would b wrong. And they are.
Cherry: I don’t think teachers criticizing’ your work for its awful spelling are wrong.
Cherry: I’d have gotten F’s in all my classes if I handed in papers like this.
Otherwise I wuldnt have straight a's on all of my report cards you dumb shits!
Asahi: Chances are she’s sleeping with the teachers to get those A’s.
Asahi: Nothing we’ve seen so far would justify any intelligence beyond getting a D at best.
"good morning Rebecca" doll bella [AN: not human bella] said to me nicely. She is so nice ever sins she lost her boody bdecause she knows that I am trying hard to get it back!
Briar: If you were trying, really trying, you’d put your own soul in the doll and let her have her body back.
Briar: So, no. You’re not trying at all.
Thenshe made me EGGS! Eggs are my fucking favorite breakfast fud. But then she burned them so you know what? Fuck that whore.
Asahi: You are in the negatives in terms of “I’m A Good Person” point. I didn’t think it was possible to score so low, but you’ve surpassed my expectations.
"work harder you bitch" I say to her and she do. She is like the wicked stepmother. Com to think of it yes that is exactly what she is aftr what she did to me. But that is another story. It was soething too terribul to write down or say out loud. I didn't want to think abut how she sent chardly to kill me. Charly was my friend until became my fiend due to bells's influx.
Cherry: We’ve already been through this. Is she just rehashing the same things she said last chapter with minimal difference?
Asahi: Talk about lazy.
[AN: see!? It is really bella who is the problem, not Rebecca! Rebecca is so nice to even consider helping that ritzy biotch!]
Briar: As people who have been reading this trainwreck of a story, that is far from the truth. In actuality, Rebecca is just the worst person in this story.
Briar: With the exception of Seth, a rapist.
Then I realized I was so silly! We didn't have school today I laughed and sighed. It was Saturday which is a weekend day! Tomorrow would be Sunday! Then would come Monday the day we went back to school to graduate and enter the worl das adults. I am ready to be an adult.
Asahi: Trust me, you’re not.
Asahi: Can you do taxes? Can you change oil in a car? Do you know how to pay bills? Do you have a job that will let you pay bills?
Asahi: Do you have the mental maturity to be an adult?
Cherry: An the answer to all of that is a big, fat, no.
Because it was not the weekstart I went to dairy queen to get siome ice creem because fuck u mainstream shits if you think ice cream is only eating at night. But no! I culdnt eat as much I wanted because bel;la's body was fucking fatass. Oh wait it was fat ass. Boys like fat ass so my ass aint gonna not stay fat you fuckers!
Briar: Please, oh please change the story. This is the exact same thing from the last chapter.
Anyways I brought the doll bella with me because if she druve a car it wuld be some fucing weird ass chucky shit
Asahi: Finally some difference.
Cherry: Bella wouldn’t even be able to reach the steerin’ wheel or the pedals.
Cherry: Not unless you, like, tape sticks to her limps so she can actually drive.
"Rebecca you look sexy" sed jacub
Briar: Since Rebecca is in Bella’s body, he’s technically saying Bella looks sexy.
Asahi: I approve of this. Bella is beautiful and wonderful.
Briar: I feel like you’re only saying it at this point out of spite towards Rebecca.
Asahi: And because it’s like after watching a puppy get kicked you want to give it affection so it feels better.
as he came over to me. Jacub was looking even hotter than normal he was weering a soot. Soots are so fucing hot on men aren't they.
Cherry: Ah, yes. It really brings out the “Chimney Sweeper” appeal when ya cover yerself in soot.
I just wantd to fuck him on the table in the dairy queen but im in public so wtf I wouldn't ever do that! Fuck u if you don't think girls get hornly too!
Cherry: Girls have sex drives too.
Cherry: But at the same time, why the fuck would you write it an then complain about it?
"thanks stud I think you are smexy" I say and curdled with him lovinglee. We went to the park to go and find a bench to make the fuck out on when I saw something! It was Alicia selling her new drug. It was ten time better than pot so good that it stopped being pot, it became bowl.
Asahi: If it doesn’t come in bowl shapes, I will riot.
Briar: Did she just abandon Bella at Dairy Queen?
Asahi: She had better have left her card, too, so Bella can charge it to the max.
"Yo girl u wanna buy some bowl" Alicia offered. She is a function economy is this regard.
Cherry: Alicia is basically God of the local drug trade at this point.
Cherry: No one’s gonna try musclin’ in on her turf.
"No Alicia. You are wrong to pick this path in life" I say praying to my god Judah. She was so misled mayb I culd convert her back to normal one day.
Briar: Don’t. Alicia is so much more interesting than you are.
Briar: And the economy will collapse if she stops.
"I need to afrod rent" she say because ever sins esme tried to kill every fuckign person at prom I burned the cullins hose down to kill esme but it didn't wrok. Even since the house was burned down we have all been living in an apartment. Tht was what we wer in last chapter you shit.
Cherry: An ya didn’t think ta mention that last chapter?
Cherry: It would have maybe been interestin’ seeing ya come to the conclusion that ya need to burn down their house.
Suddenly an earthquick haped and Rossey climed up out of the crack in the ground! FUCK!
Asahi: Hell still can’t contain the raw power that is Rosalie.
"you goddamn motherfucing cunt Imma fucing kill Rebecca" she say! Her hare was longer and her boobs bunced wildly because she had to eat her bra to not strave to deth in hell!
Briar: As you do when you need to survive.
"wate she does not know that I am not bells!" jacub quiced silently to me! He was right!
"she is in Armenia" I say quckly and then rosalee come to me.
Asahi: Hopefully she will stay there.
"I will protect you from that sitch, do no worry" she villanously say and then started to summon something! "because esme is too fucing week I WILL KILL REBECCA MYSELF!"
Briar: Please do!
Cherry: We’re puttin’ all our hopes on ya, Rosalie.
then a satantic pentagram appeared on her fourhead and she glowed all evil and red and shit and summoned shit! It was 2 guys and French fucker!
"this is talsy, Hawko, and troy" she exposed wildly. Her hare went from blonde to beautiful fire red and her guns culd shoot fire I culd tell! "they will kill people Rebecca knows until she is ded!" then fuck rose because she flew off with satan's powers to Armena!
Asahi: Good.
Asahi: Good.
Cherry: This might be getting’ good finally. Rebecca’s days are numbered.
"sest un farse" the frenchy one sed! He had fucking nasty ass gross green skin he wasn't fucking hot at all. His skin was that way becuz he fuckign vomits all over himself the frunken shit.
Briar: Okay, that’s gross.
"por hitler nous allons twoer tous les dos" and then jacub stabed that mothafucker in the face and talsy took out a baguette and fucked with it and hacub stopped that frenchy.
Asahi: Okay, so maybe it’s not getting good.
Cherry: Time for more bullshit. Yay.
"REBECCA GET DOWN" Alicia said and shot troy one two three for five six seven ayt nine tims and it was fucing gory. Then a tree fell on him! BUT HE GOT UP!
"we are imbucked with satan's blood you cannot defeat us!" they say except the freech one!
Briar: Good. Now kill Rebecca.
"NOOOO" I screamed! I was horrored by this situation! Then Edowerd appeared! And Tanishashqnua! And Angela too!
"I prithee protect thou life" EDowerd say! "BECAUSE I STILL LOVE THEE" and then edowerd went all claws and clawed the fucing shit out of Talsys bagette and destroyed her beray [AN: it's a Fench hat].
Cherry: Ah. Fuck. The Edward/Jacob love rivalry in here, too?
Cherry: Fuck that shit.
But troy stepped forward from his tree and it used vine whip to grab angela sort of like in hentai with the tentacles [AN: porn is wrong].
Cherry: Porn is fine. So long as it aint incest, child, or rape porn.
She yelled like a cat in heat! A female one!
"HELP ME!" she say!
"this is satan's wood it will fill you with his evil" Hawked say. "feel the evil overtake your daddy's blood girl". He was so evil! What a fucker you shuld go to his profile and spam hate messages. He is worse thana fucer he is a diseased excuse for an abortion!
Briar: Ah, so this is a real person.
Asahi: Probably one of the people who pointed out how this story was utter trash.
"EVIL" angela say and then she was once again!
Asahi: Surprising no one.
"fuck this shit" I waddled and then I took my new katana and slit troy's neck. His blood got all over my catholic schoolgirl miniskirt so I took off the miniskirt part and ran to my audi and got in it.
Cherry: Runnin about with no pants. Now that’s just obscene.
Jacub and Alicia and tasnishashanqua did to. But not edowerd. He wuld have to fucing dye right here if he ever wanted judahs forgiveness or salvashing.
Briar: Rude.
Briar: But I mean, justified, too. He never did apologize for assaulting you.
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The lights slowly flickered on. At long last the story, the madness, the nightmare itself that was the Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin was over. It had felt like days, weeks even since the story had begun, though it had likely been only a couple of hours at best. The three participants simultaneously breathed sighs of relief, tired, but grateful that their strenuous task was finally finished.
“So…” Asahi spoke slowly, looking at his two companions carefully. “Final thoughts?”
Cherry looked at him, her expression like that of a woman who had just climbed out of Hell. “Asahi, Asahi, Asahi,” she shook her head at him. “We’ll be here for months if we tried to list every crime an sin this story committed.”
He frowned, still feeling his skin crawl from having to read something so… so terrible. “Let’s just say it was garbage and go home. I still can’t get over how she needlessly abused Bella,” his frown turned into a scowl. “This fanfic has turned me into a Bella fanboy. I hate it.”
“For what it’s worth,” Briar began, speaking carefully as she ran a hand through her hair. “As awful as it was, it was funny with the absurdity. And it was obviously intentionally written to be awful. Take a look at Chapters Thirty-Three, for instance. The sudden improvement in everything. Either her editor, Yamama, is an actual God for being able to take something so terrible and make into art, or, the more likely scenario, the atrocity of the story before and after was intentional. Further proof being Tanishashanqua, majority of the time the mouthful of a name was spelt right. It’s hard to believe someone who can’t spell Edward right once can spell Tanishashanqua right ninety-nine percent of the time.”
“Ugh. You raise a fair point,” Asahi confirmed and sighed. “Which, brings up a good point, something that ought to be said.”
Cherry blinked, “Oh?”
With that, Asahi slowly stood up, staring at the screen where they could assume a camera was hidden.
“Ladies, gentlemen, and everyone between. Allow me to tell you about trolls. A troll is someone who intentionally does things to aggravate and anger those around them. They will do anything and everything to get a negative reaction out of you, to get you mad and frothing at the mouth because they get a sick twist out of upsetting others. Trollfics are just another kind of it. Writers purposely writing something horrible or terrible, while denying knowing what a troll is. They know what they’re writing is bad, that their spelling and grammar is worse than a kindergartener. It’s because they’re doing it on purpose.
“The best way to handle a troll is to ignore them. Don’t give them a reaction, eventually they’ll give up and try somewhere else. We did the opposite, but I suppose we wouldn’t really be the entertainment you are apparently looking for if we ignored the bait. But, it’s best to just ignore trolls and trollstories, trying to rage against them is a losing battle.”
Cherry sighed, shrugging, “You’re right about that. We’re just givin’ the trolls exactly what they want when we yell at them. They’re weird like that.”
Standing up, Briar shook her head once more. “Anyway. See you guys next time.” With that, the Huntsman gathered the remnants of their wrappers and cups from the concession stand, tossing it on her way out, muttering about “McFlurries”, “Judah,” and “Unjustified Murders” as she left the theater.
Asahi grabbed his pile of books, tucking them under an arm as he gave Cherry a nod, making his way for the stairs and exit.
“Hey, Asahi?”
He stopped and turned, looking to Cherry who had a strange, pitying smile on her face. “Yeah?” he asked.
“I’m guessin’ this is probably a lot more painful for you than for Briar an I, right?” Cherry asked, but the way she poised it, it sounded more like a statement. “Yer the reader of the three of us, always with those books.”
Asahi was quiet for a moment, staring at her, trying to figure out some kind of double meaning, some kind of hidden intention. He found none. “Right,” he answered slowly. “I’m an avid reader, so these… poor attempts at writing are a rather serious affront in my perspective.”
“Thought as much,” Cherry nodded her head, her smile didn’t get any less sympathetic. “Don’t push yourself too much, okay? If ya can’t stand how offensive these stories get, don’t feel like ya got to force yourself to keep coming back.”
This felt like a bizarre conversation to him, and Asahi briefly wondered if Cherry’s brain got fried during that last story. “I’m well aware of that. I’m just as free to come and go as you are,” he reminded her carefully. “So, the same should be said to you. Don’t force yourself to come here if you don’t want to.”
Cherry laughed, grabbed her bag and her skateboard, “Right, right. Anyway, see you later, Asahi!”
He frowned as she bounded past him, pushing past the door with a hearty laugh. If he really tried, Asahi swore he could even hear the sound of her throwing her skateboard to the ground and taking off on it once she was on the otherside of the door. Though, it must have just been his imagination trying to compensate.
Briar and Cherry, they really were an odd bunch. Hell, the three of them were an odd combination for sure. But, Asahi figured that they made the stories bearable. No matter how awful the fics got, Asahi felt like he’d be able to stomach the crimes against literature if he had them around to help soften the blows.
But, for now, there really wasn’t any point loitering around in the now empty theater. He quietly ascended the stairs, stopping only to look at the empty seats one more time. Try as he might, he couldn’t really understand why this was happening, this experiment, this convergence in realities. Why them.
Did it even matter?
Maybe not, Asahi decided. Maybe it was best to not think about it too much.
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therachelperspective · 8 years ago
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BOOK ⎟ Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's ‘Learned’ by Lena Dunham
For many people, a simple mention of the name Lena Dunham is enough to strike up an insane amount of disdain and loathing. And if you’re one of those people, you have either stopped reading at this point or scrolled past this post entirely. You’re mind is incredibly made up about her already. I understand.
But for those of you willing to read further – thank you. And let’s chat.
I often question what drew me to read Lena Dunham’s book, considering I did not follow her or her work in the media, save for the passing glance in entertainment news. I wasn’t a fan in the least. So why did I ask for and receive her book as a Christmas gift? After much thought (and years later, might I add), I think I’ve narrowed it down to these two things:
1] When it was released, it fell into the category of my innate curiosity and wanting to read about other people’s lives. Meaning, in short, I’ve been obsessed with memoirs and biographies for the last couple of years. She was (and at times, still is) being hailed as an important feminist and a “voice of the people.” Consider my curiosity piqued. 
But also, 2] I strongly believe in forming my own opinions. I’m one of those seemingly-naive people that refuse to believe the worst things about others without having experienced it for myself. Lena Dunham’s status included. 
I may not have kept tabs on her, but that doesn’t mean I was entirely disinterested.
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Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She’s “Learned” was published in September 2014. It was named one of the best books of the year by multiple media outlets, and the book placed #2 on the New York Times Best Sellers list. Praise, advanced or otherwise, used the words “hilarious,” “wise,” “candid,” and “witty,” though my favorite comment from NPR said that “We leave more empowered than we came.” Based on these, my expectations and anticipations were pretty high going into this book; however, I was also very cautious due to the number of negative reviews in the years since. 
A recollection of stories from Lena’s life, spanning a slew of topics, NTKOG covers it all. Without even luring us in with any tales of her background, childhood, or family life, we jump right into the book with a section about “Sex.” Immediately I was fascinated. Not about the sex reports (which good lord there are so many in this entire book), but rather the choice of putting sexual encounters as the very first topic of a memoir. It’s obvious that Lena Dunham is no ordinary gal, and her candidness is clearly abundant in NTKOG. Followed by “Body,” “Friendship,” “Work,” and “Big Picture,” this non-chronological narrative covers just about everything a 20-something can discuss. And some things you wish she hadn’t. 
Very specifically, there are a handful of distinct scenarios in which Lena may have overstepped her bounds; you’ll find hoards of articles online discussing them and how they make Lena Dunham a seemingly horrible person. It is more likely they are scenarios that certain people blew entirely out of proportion with their own commentary. Simple Google searches for “Lena Dunham,” especially connected to NTKOG, will result in *MAJOR BOOK SPOILERS* articles discussing a rape accusation people believe Lena falsified, fierce allegations that she molested her sister when they were both children, criminalizing of a phrase she used to describe trying to win her sister’s affections (also at a young age), and the appalling way she also outed her sister to their parents. Of the incriminating things the populace condemns Lena Dunham for, I will say that I only truly agree with that last one.
What you learn about Lena Dunham in her book is that she is not a perfect human being, as well as the fact that she grew up in a very unique way. The Dunham household was a very open, non-conformist sort of place one would have with artistic parents that I don’t think many criticizers of her book completely understand. Lena’s childhood was a very curious and experimental one, in ways many others are not. But it seems those against her don’t accept “a child’s curiosity” as an explanation, nor do they take a phrase like “using tactics a sex offender would use” with a grain of salt [describing how she tried to get her sister to like her when they were children]. Not the best phrase for the subject matter, I agree, but are you going to deny the parallels? Also, the backlash regarding Lena’s college rape story is exactly the reason more people don’t speak out about such traumas. Because someone, somewhere will try to disprove it and thus say you are a liar, calling into question the matter of consent and turn it into a battle of “your word vs. theirs.” Rather than applaud her willingness to be so outspoken about incidents in her life, both in childhood and adulthood, Lena is instead incriminated for them. Even more so when quotes are taken out of context. 
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Although the sociological issues within it bring up very important discussions, this is about Lena Dunham’s book. And despite what you think of her and the aforementioned topics above, Not That Kind of Girl gives insight into a very distinctive individual. When we see her today, we see a young woman importantly challenging the typical imagery of “Hollywood” both in life and in art (i.e. her body positivity while being larger than a size 2 and her comfort in nudity, plus her incredibly flawed character on Girls), while also being open about her own mental illnesses (anxiety and OCD). From reading her novel, we discover that she has been this sort of “different” her entire life so far. Her views of life have deviated from the norm since childhood, a divergence that surprisingly enough this reviewer can relate to. People say that she is not old enough to write a memoir; they say that she is narcissistic, entirely too self-involved, and self-indulgent. While I do think that the book is a hot mess and I question how much of it is truly real, the discussion about her life and her views is actually what makes it interesting. Anyone ripping NTKOG entirely to shreds for having no wisdom or insight were taking this book too much at face value. What memoir-writing celebrity is not self-involved? Once again, Lena Dunham is one of the few being condemned for it.
I’m not saying that I give this book 5 stars, because I don’t, nor am I entirely sure if I would recommend it. I'm not even going to agree that Lena Dunham is the “voice of the people” or the “voice of a generation.” But her book, and her perspective, is not entirely faulted. Maybe it’s just my ability to find insightful passages in literally every book I read. Or maybe, she really does just have her moments.
The reality is that, even if Lena is just a voice for herself and herself alone, her sentiments towards things like... 
Losing her virginity – “No floodgate had been opened. No vault of true womanhood unlooked. She remained and she was me.”
Her own attractiveness – “Not ugly enough to be repulsive and not beautiful enough to seal the deal.” 
Gaining weight as a child – “All of it was alien and alienating.”
Womanhood – “I consider being female such a unique gift, such a sacred joy[.]”
Being an Adult – “Soon you will find yourself in more and more situations you don’t want to run away from.”
... and other matters discussed in Not That Kind of Girl, well... they are not entirely out in left field. 
Despite the fact that her voice (and by default, her book) can be dripping with white feminism and privilege, equally so that a lot of her troubles spawn from her own creation, my notes for this book prove – at least to me – there is a smidgen of quality to her writing. Whether opposers like it or not, there are people out there that will still relate to her book, enjoy her book, and find value in her essays, no matter the flaws others may see in her. 
I ventured into Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl in order to devise my own opinions about a person so disliked by the masses. The truth is that I finish it almost as indifferent as when I started. I don’t love her, but nor do I hate her. I would say I simply understand her better, supported in part by identifying with the “weirdness” she encompasses. I personally know what it’s like to be different, and I think that is what contributed to my ability to, as some might say, even finish the book in the first place.  
Lena Dunham is the creator, executive producer, writer, director, and star of the critically-acclaimed HBO series Girls. She has been nominated for eight Emmy awards and has won two Golden Globes (including Best Actress) for her work on her show. She was the first woman to win the Directors Guild of America award for directorial achievement in comedy, and she has also written/directed two feature length films. Dunham is also a frequent contributor to The New Yorker. [from the book inside flap] Not That Kind of Girl by Lena Dunham Random House | September 2014 | 265 pages MY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ✩ ✩  I still don’t know entirely how I feel about this book, to be completely honest. It was worth reading once, to strangely find comfort in the fact that there are weird famous people out there, who are pushing the status quo in more ways than one. But I completely understand where people can find this “too weird” and “unrelatable.” By Goodreads’ rating system, this book’s 3 stars means it was “good.” Which it was. To a certain point.
I don’t think she’s entirely strange and unusual because I too am strange and unusual (haha, sorry for that reference), but I also don’t say she’s the feminist idol people portray her to be either.  I am intrigued enough by NTKOG to watch Girls in the future, to witness the critical-acclaim for myself. But Lena Dunham to me is just... Strange Little Lena.  I feel like I want to like her because my gut tells me that I relate to her on quite a few levels, but I'm also just not sure that I do.
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anythingstephenking · 7 years ago
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We All Float On
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First of all, 2017 can go suck a bag of balls. I know the saying is “suck a bag of dicks” but that’s too kind to 2017. The world is on fire (literally and figuratively), men are all dirtbags, we’re a tweet away from nuclear war, credible journalists are fake news and Hillary Clinton is not likable enough for politics but a serial child molester will be elected to the senate and a disgusting pervert sociopath is our president. Seems like the kinda year Pennywise would decide to show up. I’m staying away from Maine just to be safe.
Ok, well that rant has literally nothing to do with Stephen King, but it sure felt good to get off my chest.
Because there’s enough terror in the real world, I haven’t been reading that much and I took my time getting through IT. Not because I wasn’t enjoying it, but because this book covers some heavy stuff. Most often remembered for the god awful spider puppet at the end of the TV movie, the book ingrains fear inside you that sits for days, giving you goosebumps when you recall a passage you just can’t shake. For me it was when one of the kids was being terrorized by visions of drowning in the water tower, grasping at the smooth sides, the top just out of reach. As someone who’s parents let my awkward ass do ballet classes as a kid but never taught me to swim, drowning is one of my own personal nightmares. And now, I am scared of water towers. Also, RIP Elisa Lam.
Reading this book ending up requiring two copies. You can imagine my joy when I pulled my McKays copy off the shelf and realized it was a first edition. LOOK AT ME, I OWN A FIRST EDITION STEPHEN KING BOOK. I’m, like, a real fan now. I quickly googled to see how much my rare book was worth as I paid $13.50 for it. And, guess what? It’s worth… $13.50. Doh. Viking printed 800,000 of these bad boys, their largest ever first run. I managed to leave it at my dads (I lugged this 1,200 page book on not one but two plane trips) so I had to pick up a paperback to finish out the last 400 pages or so. I instructed my dad to “take good care of it, it’s a first edition!” (I am such a dick) and a week later it was in my mailbox, wrapped in about 8 layers of bubble wrap. My dad, y’all.
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A book so nice, I bought it twice.
OK. My favorite part :::drumroll::: the back story! You can read the whole story on King’s website, but basically IT was inspired by the old tale of Billy Goat Gruff crossing the bridge and getting into it with the troll. What if there was a monster below us we couldn’t see but was just waiting to jump out at us? And so, Pennywise The Dancing Clown was born (or arrived on a spaceship, more on that later).
This book hits literally all King’s sweet spots:
Scary as hell
Coming of age
50s nostalgia
Battles of good vs. evil
MAINE!
Sci-fi/fantasy
The core of this story is simple - an eternal being in the form of a clown terrorizes kids by feeding on their fears. Pennywise can manifest himself as each child’s individual nightmare - werewolves and lepers and blood, oh my. Turns out kids are easier to prey on because their fears are simple. I guess it would be harder to manifest himself into an unfunded 401k to scare the shit out of me.
The kids in this story are braver than I could ever be. Together, they have the a power that somehow kills fear itself, which is really what Pennywise is.
And this is where the story gets a little bonkers. Not in a terribly bad way but in a “huh?” kinda way. You see, the universe was created when a giant turtle threw up and Pennywise is the ying (evil) to the turtle’s yang (good). Lost yet? Yeah, I know. Pennywise arrived from the birth of the universe and has lived in Derry, Maine forever, waiting for evolution and humans to feed on. He travels into the macroverse, where the turtle resides, along with his “deadlights” that can drive humans insane at the sight of them.
Well, now that we cleared all that up, we can move on. I think it’s safe to assume King was a square in the 50s because like so many of his nostalgia tales, the other bad guys are a gang of greasers who are turds and occasionally give each other hand jobs in the junkyard.
Speaking of child sex acts, the group sex scene sure was… something. It’s up there on the list of controversial things King has written for good reason. Like this Vulture article “How Does the New It Movie Deal With Stephen King’s Orgy Scene?“. Spoiler! It doesn’t because that would be bonkers. King’s brushed it off in interviews as NBD, but I was more baffled about this than a turtle that belched up the universe.
For King lovers, IT is certainly an amalgamation of all his greatest hits. For me, it’s going into the column of books I truly enjoyed with an ending that just didn’t quite land.
King said he wouldn’t write about Pennywise again, which is a shame. If the Losers didn’t really manage to off him (which honestly, how do you kill an eternal being? These ding dongs went back into the sewers as adults with a pack of matches for cripes sake. They didn’t even bring a flashlight, nevermind like a gun or an axe or something.) Pennywise would have come back to Derry in 2012. We will never know.
8/10 would recommend to anyone who saw the first movie and thought the ending was lame. I was much happier with barfing turtle than spider puppet
First Line: The terror - which would not end for another twenty-eight years - if it ever did end - began, so far as I know or can tell, with a boat made from a sheet of newspaper floating down a gutter swollen with rain.
Last Line: Or so Bill Denbrough sometimes thinks on those early mornings after dreaming, when he almost remembers his childhood, and the friends with whom he shared it.
Adaptations
Tim Curry is really the only thing worth revisiting in the original TV movie. Good gosh, this thing is over 2 hours long and they cut so much great source material out. No time for the house on Neibolt Street, but the spider gets the last 15 minutes of the whole thing. Can you tell I really hate that spider?
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Exhibit A: Nightmares; Exhibit B: Muppet
Fun personal story about this movie. We watched it one Halloween when we were 14ish with a bunch of girls. One of my friends was terrified of clowns. How we ever got her to watch this is beyond me. Later that night, while she was attempting to go to sleep with every light on, her mom called out to her: “honey, check out the moon, it’s beautiful!” Little did she know, her prankster father had dug a clown mask out of the basement, placed a ladder against the side of the house, and was peering into her second floor bedroom window when she opened the shade to gaze at the moon. So rude but so damn funny.
The new movie was so wonderful and I already pre-ordered my copy for when it comes out next week. Bill Skarsgard. Man, oh man.
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And in case you didn’t feel old today - did you know those child actors weren’t even alive yet when 9/11 happened? Yeash.
I’m going to pack it in because everyone’s already seen these movies and my King Movie book I usually reference for these things is in the other room and I don’t feel like getting up. Tata for now. Dark Tower companion book Eyes of the Dragon is up next. Already started it. Fucking Randall Flagg, what an asshole.
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eeee-lye · 8 years ago
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Fic: No Man (n)or Woman
(Darius and Tes are trans, autistic magicians. Tes is agender, aro and ace; hir neurodiversity extends to anxiety. Darius is polyamorous, arovague and pansexual; his neurodiversity extends to partial seizures, hallucinations and severe depression. This story shows the Defiantly Platonic Adventurers they’ll become in Kit March.)
Word count: 2140 words.
Content advisory: An exorsexist prophet. Self-harm, hallucination and suicidal ideation mentions. Use of the word “madness” to describe a person with mental illnesses in a way that is ableism-coded but meant as a literal statement of fact and isn’t a negative quality of the character in question.
Summary: Darius’s history gives him the upper hand in the art of hunting eldritch creatures, but a certain prophecy might involve Tes—despite hir feelings on the matter of bladed combat.
AN: This probably isn’t going to be canon; I wrote it for fun because, as an agender writer, I had to play with the “gendered prophecy loophole” trope. If it is, it occurs somewhere in the second book when, for reasons I won’t yet disclose, Darius and Tes are on their way to seek sanctuary with Darius’s lover/partner, Aysun Kadri. I doubt this makes as much sense on its own as I wish, but I enjoyed writing it, so I’ll post it anyway.
It’s madness, ze thinks, but Darius has never pretended sanity.
“I don’t see the need.” Tes pulls at hir right sleeve as ze talks. The dank and cold passage, albeit sufficiently illuminated by the sickly pink glow from the paper rolled up in hir left hand, closes in on hir. Ze wishes for cloaks and coats and capes trimmed with rabbit fur. Ze wishes for a roaring fire and the middle of summer. Ze wishes for anywhere in the world that isn’t here, even as Tes hirself realises there’s places in the world far worse than a passageway that reeks of mould. “I’m a magician. Student magician.” Ze hesitates, unsure how Darius will regard hir taking that title to hirself, but Darius doesn’t even look at hir. “I’m a student magician. I’m learning spells. I don’t see what possible point there is in learning—learning the sword.”
It occurs to hir, a moment too late, that a man who worked as both magician and mercenary guardsman might take some offence at that. He explained that morning, at length, why magic alone isn’t like to work today. Hard to know, though, since Darius’s steady steps reveal no emotion. While his eyes leap from floor to ceiling and wall in an unrelenting stream of restlessness, that might be the wariness of a man paying attention to their surroundings.
“I won’t be any good at it.”
Darius nods and flicks his flesh hand, which Tes knows is his way of telling hir he heard, even if he doesn’t have anything to say. He tilts his head, nostrils flaring, but, even then, it takes him several moments before his lips move and he speaks in his usual soft drawl: “I can smell it.”
Tes sniffs, but ze doesn’t have his sensitivity. Wet earth, the rotting-sweet mould and a slight salt tang; nothing perceptively eldritch. Having seen how much it plagues him, ze doesn’t mind. Ze just signs instead. “Should stop—”
Darius shakes his head. “It knows. It knows. Felt our footfalls, like a snake.”
How does he know that? Ze nearly asks, save for the feeling that a man who spent however many years travelling the world might know all manner of strange things. Tes nods and walks on in quiet. Ze wanted this, ze remembers. Back at the College, when the strange and dangerous was at least somewhat mitigated by March’s watchfulness, ze wanted to see eldritch creatures and denizens of mysterious places. It shames hir to realise that’s now no longer the case. No, if given the choice, ze’ll be back in hir own bed so fast ze’ll surprise even hirself.
Ze doesn’t know what that says about hir. Ze doesn’t wish to.
The passage ahead widens. A cavern or gallery, the black walls marked by squared-off chips and cuts that speak of everything human. Water, dripping from somewhere above, collects in gouges marring the already rough-cut floor, forming shallow pools ringed by a fluffy white mould or fungus that reminds Tes of whipped cream. Great redgum beams support the roof and walls, and these seem untarnished by time, perhaps thanks to the tarred glyphs carved into the wood. Collapsing pieces of machinery and abandoned tools fared less well: support struts, cranks and the bails from broken buckets lie in rusting pieces. Did the miners deem them too worthless to be brought out? Or did they run and leave everything behind?
The air warms as they cross the gallery, the walls fading into shadow, and only then does Tes discover what Darius must have scented underneath the mould and rock: something warm and tangy, like a blend of cinnamon and allspice.
Ze drags in a breath and then another, wondering.
“Sandalwood. Sandalwood and the barest touch of cedar. Efe. Then bergamot and lemon. Aysun.” Darius’s voice barely sounds above the quiet thud of leather soles on rock. “Whatever … attractive.”
“I like eating cinnamon biscuits,” Tes says.
Darius grins back at hir, his gold teeth glinting. He slows his pace, taking short, testing steps towards the right—heading, Tes realises, for a yawning gap studded with blue phosphorescent spots at the side of the gallery.
At the very edge of hir hearing, ze can pick out a gentle, regular sighing.
Breath.
The more the paper lights in their hands illuminate the rock wall ahead, the less Tes shivers—and the more ze ponders the warmth and safety of March’s kitchen. Food, conjured by magic, since there’s no way to explain how one man managed multiple-course banquets and snacks for the entire school. March himself, content to talk even if a student came down for an apple at two in the morning. Long gone, now, and it’s only hir fault. If ze hadn’t meddled, ze wouldn’t be here, in the cold and dark of an abandoned mine—
“No.” Darius’s wood hand rests on hir shoulder. Even now, the strangeness of that touch makes Tes jerk. His thin leather gloves don’t provide the cushioning and moulding effect of flesh fingers. Ze hates that ze still reacts to it. “This … it’s you, but it isn’t ... isn’t all you.” He stops, exhales. “It’s not you, not right this minute. Don’t let it take you. Understand?”
Ze draws in a shaking breath. The bite of the cinnamon now obscures all other odours. “What…”
“You!” Darius’s full shout isn’t loud, but the gallery gives it a rattling quality, not quite an echo but unusual nonetheless. “You think, you think you can trick me with guilt and doubt? You think you can give me anything I haven’t? Haven’t already?”
It’s madness, ze thinks, but Darius has never pretended sanity.
You think you can dare me?
Ze doesn’t hear the voice. It sounds in hir skin, in hir bones, in hir brain, a jerking, shuddering vibration that makes hir feel as though consciousness is a dream or illusion. It roils through hir head and down through hir neck, and for a moment Tes isn’t sure where ze begins and ends: there’s just the voice, surging through every tiny corner of hir skull, threatening to sweep hir away with it.
“That’s it?” Darius’s hand tightens on hir shoulder. “Seven. I was seven. March’s pet sea serpent smashed me against the wall. Broke my nose, broke my skull, left me with seizures afterwards. You’re not even interesting.”
“You’re, you’re mocking the—”
Darius just pushes hir forwards.
The shrieking starts, then. This time, Tes hears with hir ears, but knowing that only makes it worse. Ma. Anise. Leslie, Teacher Mary, the students under the tree with caterpillars in their hands. Holly and Iris, March and Wings. Their high-pitched wails, pleas for rescue and safety, fill the cavern, sharp enough that Tes forgets everything and jams hir palms over hir ears. Ze never did well with noise, and this unearthly crescendo not only judders right through hir skull, it bears a world of desperation right along with it—just how ze might have screamed, that night in the tower. Ze jerks and starts forwards, even knowing that the owners of said chorus live safe on the other side of the Shearing Straits, unsure if ze means to save them or beg them to stop shrieking.
Ze just knows that ze won’t, ze can’t, bear this a moment longer—
Darius’s hands close around hir elbow, yank hir to a halt, let go. His lips shift as the chaos fades, and, trembling, ze risks lowering hir hands to hear him. “…eight months. Eight months the dead tells me to die. Be with him.” Darius laughs. It’s a bitter, hoarse sound, and Tes wonders if the shades he heard cut him deeper than he’ll admit, but it’s a laugh nonetheless. He walks forwards, pushing Tes along before him. “I can ignore this. You’ve, you’ve got nothing for me.”
The voices fade into nothingness, leaving Tes moving toward the mouth of another tunnel with ringing ears and shaking hands.
Darius reaches across his body, draws the Worldblade, lets it hang loose in his flesh hand. In the pink-tinged light, it looks even more unprepossessing than usual: a battered, nicked, curved blade too short and light to be accounted a sword for anybody but Darius. If it did Fell the tree, Tes thinks, it took almost as much damage in doing so as the tree itself, but ze can’t imagine how such a thing occurred, having seen the breadth of the stump. Magic, perhaps, save that no magician ze has ever met will waste time on making a knife capable of cutting a mammoth hardwood tree when they can work that same magic on a crosscut saw. March himself gave a thousand lectures on the importance of using the right tool for the job!
It has been prophesied. The voice booms through hir mind with a confidence that reminds Tes of Ma’s unshakeable belief in her many nonsensical rules. No man nor woman will defeat me.
Darius draws to an abrupt halt. The blue lights, fading in intensity as their own grow closer, flicker only a few yards distant. “What?”
Now the voice laughs. No man nor woman will defeat me.
Darius lifts his hand from hir shoulder, shifts his flesh hand until his fingers close lightly about the throat of the blade with the blunt edge resting against his skin, and extends the sword, pommel-first, towards Tes. “It should be ‘neither man nor woman’. ‘Nor’ is a conjunction, but it isn’t always a synonym for ‘or’. Why do those prophets specify only two genders?” He shakes his head at Tes. “Here. A possible point for learning the sword?”
Tes stares at him. He doesn’t mean that, does he? “Because it says a prophecy?”
He stands calm and relaxed, his wooden fingers twitching the bead ring pendant at his throat. “You don’t dare prophecy, Tes! Not when the loophole is this wide! You’re a magician. If you need to, burn it. Like the gnomes.”
Ze looks first at the Worldblade and then back up at Darius’s eyebrows, not caring that hir gaze is too intent for politeness. “You’re … you’re not a same man, so…”
Darius returns a stare just as punishing. “Truly, Tes?”
Ze sighs and shakes hir head. No. Claiming that Darius isn’t a man on an erroneous technicality diminishes Darius, hirself and everyone ze knew and liked at the College. Ze can’t do that any more than ze can declare hirself male or female, not when ze knows any gender is a lie.
“Take.” Darius jerks his wrist. “It’s yours, as much as it’s mine. You feel that.”
Ze does, and it terrifies hir. It’s easy to let Darius bear the wretched thing; he, at least, appears comfortable with the possession of a weapon. There’s a reason for the Worldblade to sing in his hand! He’s a construct master! There’s no reason for it to respond as it does to hir. “I’m not—I’m not meant to be here. Doing this. Any of it. I’m not.”
Neither is he, ze knows, and while this whole escapade happened because of Darius and the Greensward, it shouldn’t have involved hir. That it does is all on Tes, and ze knows that he would have found everything a great deal easier if he didn’t have to look after a student magician—a magician who has gotten him into trouble since the day they met. He offers hir no impatience, though. He never has. Ze has heard him rail and scream at March and Amelia and the belt; ze has watched him smash plates and slam doors; ze has seen him take blades to his own skin. Ze knows Darius’s mistrust of people holds edges so sharp it draws blood, but he never shows it to hir, however difficult that might be.
Ze can argue that he was never meant to walk into a colony of tick gnomes to save Tes, yet ze never heard him complain.
The only answer, then, is clear.
“I know you won’t just ... well, leave me,” Tes says, but, despite knowing it unfair to make that comment into a question, ze hears it in hir words nonetheless. He won’t stand back and let hir do this alone. Will he? Ze takes the worn leather-bound hilt, though, gritting hir teeth against the sudden rush of heat in hir fingertips and palm, and ze hopes he sees that as apology enough.
The Worldblade hums against hir skin, vibrating like a purring cat.
Darius returns his hand to hir shoulder, and that, too, is a kind answer to a question ze shouldn’t have asked. “One thing, person.”
Tes swallows. “Stab with the pointy end?”
He snorts. “No. No. If you’re stabbing ... shades, if you’re stabbing, everything has gone wrong and you should set your opponent on fire.” He shakes his head, but he smiles while he does it. “In case you need to use the sword as a sword, here’s how you hold it.”
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