#it's like smth that gives me a sense of identity. as silly as it sounds

[daz4i]

do y'all also have those thoughts like "i don't think i will ever get better, but on the off chance i will, i don't know who i'd be, i don't know who i am without my [insert mental illness], and i'm scared of that" or am i the weird one

[hellbubu]

Hello, it's me xD (I'm a bit late today cause I had a bday tea party to attend to ;P) Finally watched the episode! The first two thirds were so good, nice, glowy. It kinda makes me wonder if Ciel, deep down, cherishes these spun sugar memories or if in trying to put a front for Sebastian doesn't let himself even feel a bit of joy. (Also, yeah, was the fucking viscunt necessary??)

I do not know/remember anything about that chicken either. Took me out, ngl. Also, the *moment* the saphire's stood with both hands on the rows I was like "how tf are you gonna take off your hats and hold that heavy ass thing at the same time??" Them falling into the water was hilarious, but I think it made the other houses finally be 100% ok with them winning this one tornament (I think we all know there's not gonna be another 'miracle' for a loooong time lol).

It boggles my mind that no one, not a *single* soul in this whole ass school (with the exception of Cole, but fuck him) think of Ciel as even slightly suspicious! Like, in a month, two months? He managed to impress the P4 so much they invited him to tea, uncovered a bully and his plot *from another house*, became the prefect's drudge's drudge (and somehow still served the P4), got 'recommended' for the criquet team, did a complete overhaul of their techniques and strategies, managed to *pull off a win* for the house whose only won once before *AND* moved the audience to tears to win an invitation. And NOBODY thinks this is strange??? Smh

(Also, can we talk about how realistically Cole would have *totally* found out about the cover-up of the P4 and used it to keep his place? That was an oversight, in my eyes.)

Ciel using the angle of the kids' families' despair instead of his mission as Watchdog/Guard dog is so clever. Since he doesn't have a clue UT is under that hat, he's going with 'reasonable and sympathetic', which would have worked...on anyone else. Can't wait until next ep!!! (BTW, do you like boybands? *hinthint* ;P *nudgenugde*)

(Also, this idea just came up to me the other day: if the arc went even further -weird as that would be since this is one of if not the longest arc- I would have *loved* to see Finny in Weston! Like, let's suposse there were scholarships back then, and Sebastian did some *magic* to get him into Blue House -since he isnt of noble birth and i dont see Finny as artistic, and giving him to green house would mean completely losing the tornament lmao- before Ciel, so its not completely suspicious. Imagine Ciel, McMillan, Finny and Hartcourt (add Soma if you want) hanging out together, in the grass! All of them playing with Soma's elephant! Imagine the cuteness overload! I'm aware of the impossibility of this idea, I just want to bask in it for a little while. Finny being around kids his age, for once; Ciel defending him from bullies because you know Finny would let himself get pushed around if it meant not hurting others. Finny blushing everytime he says Ciel's name cause he's not supossed to be *allowed* but now he *is*. Finny scared shitless of Proff Michaelis instead of starstruck, cause he *knows* how much that ruler/can hurts, thanks no thanks. I just, I love this silly little idea xD)

Ohhh a tea party sounds nice. I've never been to one. I hope you had fun 💖💖💖💖

IDK I think he enjoyed life at Weston to an extent. He had friends and a sense of normalcy. But at the same time, it's a temptation. I remember in a scene of the circus arc, that Sebastian kinda tried to get Ciel to want a normal life/take back the contract or smth so he could eat his soul. It was a flashback if I remember properly. It further proves that Ciel doesn't regret/he doesn't have second thoughts about having sold his soul.

(It's this scene. Watching it again after knowing that Ciel took his brother's identity, makes the wording of "the name I bear comes with responsibilities" seem like a hint to the twin brothers but it might sound like that because I'm an ESL :P It's also probably a pretty important moment in Ciel and Sebastian's relationship. It shows Sebastian that 1. Ciel doesn't regret shit. 2. Ciel's character.)

The chicken was from a scene that wasn't animated. The chicken might just be the most important character in the whole series /j

The blue house falling in front of the Queen gave me secondhand embarrassment. Like, seriously, did no one think "Maybe with the help of the shady boy and the teacher that seems kinda obsessed with him we might win, so let's practice so we don't make fools of ourselves in front of the motherfucking Queen?"

Everyone in the school just thinks/knows Ciel is that school's main character. They won't fight it. The second he ran with that English biscuit in his mouth it was over. When fucking Heather Chandler, I mean Redmond fixed his tie and let him get away with stepping on the grass, they knew it. What's the point of fighting it?

I doubt Cole would've found out. Most of the school takes the P4's words at face value. Plus, if he hanged around Redmond too much it'd be obvious he outsources his job to others.

Depends on the boyband 👀👀 or is this a hint to smth else? 👀👀👀

It'd be UT's choice as to where Finny goes. But I doubt he'd understand cricket all that well. It took me until like episode 7 to figure out what's going on. But if he were in Green house, he'd fuck up just for Ciel to win, or maybe just accidentally. Ciel would probably do something cheat to make sure he doesn't bat or throw well.

[usertiff]

i thought you said once you were jewish but you talk only about being indigenous and white?

sorry for the delay in answering this i had to mull over how strange it was at first to have someone like analyzing my ethnicity or remembering aspects LOL but im going to assume possibly you're someone struggling with your own identity or smth??? and answer

but tbh if you're looking for help with rediscovering being jewish, i am not the one to ask and the reason for that will be clear below. if you need help reconnecting to indigeneity however, that's a different story.

long story, bc i weirdly am giving u way too much background info for an anon LMAO but a tldr is included

to begin, my ethnicity is as follows: norwegian, german, chatiks si chatiks, niitsitapi, and well, ashkenazi jewish

so, yes, i'm ethnically ashkenazi jewish on my maternal grandma's side (indigenous on my maternal grandmother's side as well, my great grandma was jewish, my great grandpa indigenous). however, i was not raised with the knowledge of it. i did some digging, talking to my my grandpa, my mom and my aunt's (who knew all along but are gen x'ers and a boomer, and just... didn't really care at all except my mom and one aunt who also felt kind of sad about it), and they all said the same thing: my great-grandma chose to whitewash us (and therefore didn't even tell her kids, including my grandma, until later in life) because her mother and father did as well, for mostly safety reasons, but also fitting in reasons, because where i live was where most germans settled. (like for example, my paternal ancestry is literally just norwegian and german. my dad is half norwegian and german lmao, my paternal grandma immigrated from norway, and my paternal grandfather's was like a 2nd-gen immigrant or smth, they came over quite awhile after my cousins side of the family came over a loooong time ago idfk it's stupid i dont really care about all that.) and it might be silly to some but it was important to my grandparents i guess, especially because one of my grandpa's was a general(??? something???) in ww2.

TLDR anyway, long story short, my grandparents hid who we are, didn't raise their kids as jewish neither in religion nor even by telling them their ethnicity til they were older. SO i don't feel comfortable claiming my jewish ethnicity? like... idk it is weird because since finding out i am jewish, i feel this weird sense of heartbreak that 1. i partially don't know who i am, 2. that my grandparents were so desperate to fit in they literally hid a major part of themselves, 3. i lost out on a lot of culture because they simply chose to omit this part of our lives, idk i could go on???

so while part of me wants to try and reconnect what it means to be jewish, there's another part of me that feels uncomfortable doing so, as if ... idk... like i'm not allowed? it's a much different feeling than being indigenous and reconnecting, especially because i grew up knowing i'm indigenous and already having bits and pieces of that culture.

unnecessary information of me rambling on below

and as for my indigeneity, there wasn't really any hiding the color of my great-grandpa's skin. even as our genes have been passed down through my family, while some of us (me, a few cousins) ended up white as hell (for me it's thanks to my snow-white scandinavian/germanic father) others, such as my sister, have my grandpa's complexion, his eyes, his hair. it's beautiful. it sounds privileged as hell to say this, because i understand i have white privilege to the max, but i am a lil jealous of my sister. she's just so beautiful in my eyes, and really represents the ancestry in my family. it's lovely to me.

anyway, congrats, u have way more info than u needed