#it's been literal years since i wrote fanfic i can't believe this is where i live now

[sage-lights]

spinning out, waiting for you to pull me in

word count: 587 title from: "satellite" by harry styles (i think it's literally been 4 years since i wrote fanfic but! i woke up with such bad amangela brain rot this morning that the thought of them is actually making me ill right now. i wrote this ficlet at 8am in class on the doc i use for taking notes, so it's not my best writing...yeah! hope you enjoy it!)

“Hey,” Amanda's voice quivers. She physically can't look Angela in the eyes when she greets her. Fuck, this shouldn’t be happening right now. The day has barely started and Amanda already feels like running away from everyone.

Angela looks at her skeptically, “I would say ‘Good morning,’ but you look like yours has been pretty terrible already. Everything okay?”

Amanda collects herself enough to muster a sort-of smile and shrugs. She watches as Angela furrows her brows, contemplating something. Before Amanda can insist that it’s no big deal, she feels herself getting tugged towards the back of the office and led between the costume racks.

“Spill. What’s up with you?”

“It’s nothing, honestly,” God, Amanda feels like she’s a teenager again. It’s stupid that she’s this upset about it.

Angela scoffs and rolls her eyes, “Oh, come on, Amanda. Don’t give me that bullshit. We both know something is wrong,” her tone softens once she sees Amanda’s eyes start to become glassy, “It’s not stupid to be upset.”

She laughs a little, “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”

“Because I know you. And I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“I appreciate you checking in, Ang,” Amanda sighs, “But I really shouldn’t be getting into it at work.”

“I know we’re coworkers, but we’re friends too, right? It’s fine if you really don’t want to talk about it, but I’m here for you,” she grabs Amanda’s hands and gives them a gentle squeeze. That simple gesture was enough to break down the final brick of Amanda's wall, and suddenly, everything came spilling out.

Two nights ago, she had gotten a call from Ian telling her that she didn’t need to come in for work the next morning, which Angela already knew, seeing as she was the one filling in for Amanda yesterday.

What Angela didn’t know, however, was how Amanda’s jaw tightened when she saw the close friends stories of her coworkers, her friends, having fun while she wasn't there. How she had to stop herself from spiraling as she rewatched the videos over and over again. How disappointed she felt in herself for letting this affect her.

Angela lets go of her hands. Amanda’s heart drops for a moment, thinking that she’s overstepped boundaries and came off immature, until she feels Angela hug her.

“We missed you too, you know?” Angela leans away slightly to look up at Amanda, arms remaining around her waist.

"I hate that I'm feeling this way. It feels so high school of me to be sad about my friends hanging out without me. And it's not even like you all planned to see each other! This is our job and," Amanda bites her lip, hesitant to admit, "I guess the kid in me remembers what it was like to get excluded from things. For the longest time, I was convinced it was a me problem. Maybe I never got over that."

"I get it, but you're right. It's a job where none of us have control over who's scheduled on any given day. It's not just a regular hang out between friends. Because if it was, I want you to believe me when I say we'd want you around every single time."

This time, Amanda is the one that pulls Angela into an embrace, "What would I do without you, Angela?"

"Probably cry alone in the gender-neutral bathroom." Angela laughs.

Amanda has to admit, Smosh is a pretty sweet gig. After all, it brought Angela into her life.

[seeingivy]

method acting asks

an: I can't believe I still get these

this is literally so funny to me. taylor as gojo stan u always make me giggle it makes me so happy to see u in my inbox. im so glad u liked it, it makes me feel all types of ways!

@elliesbabygirl super random but im the president of the neuroscience society at my school and i gave an entire talk about parasocial relationships and the neuro basis of that recently and for some reason??? the crowd started asking me about fanfics HAHA. and while i admit some of the concerns i started like vehemently defending them because i think when they're done right they can really hit people and be really moving because it's personalized

(basically this ask is an affirmation that i'm right and even if im not i guess i just have a parasocial relationship with a 2d drawing and that's who i am)

hehe im so excited for the upcoming chapters of canary mate. i have to build things up but EEPPPPP im so excited for the reveal already (fun fact: ive been hinting at how its going to happen already!)

ahhh a masters in psychology is so exciting!!! I hope you are so so proud of all of your hardwork. it takes so much to do that and i can't wait for it to all feel full circle to you (im graduating from undergrad in the spring and im already in reflecting mode.

also is this how i realize i don't follow you im going to go like combust in a puddle now this is so embarrassing

@deusfoundry btw the other ask u sent also persuaded me to ignore the poll i made and attempt to answer your request bc I KNOW you've been asking for it since i wrote that chapter last year.

levi when he's dad but not dad. oh levi. and sorry they're ALL going to call her sweetheart. that's THEIR collective sweetheart actually i don't make the rules. (yes I do)

hi!!! i want to thank you for existing right back. and for sending me this ask when i needed it. at the time i was writing that chapter i wasn't at that point at all, but now i am, and it's severely meta to have something i wrote as advice to myself.

the transitionary period is hard. getting denied from things you worked for is hard. thinking about how people can leave whenever and you can't really control that AND you can't really take that pain away from someone else when someone important does leave is really hard. lots of thoughts going on in the ronnie verse and i am patiently waiting for the point that where i know im out of this and somehow glad that i went through it bc i learned something about myself and people and love and all that.

(wishing the same for you soon my friend)

the words of encouragement mean the world!!! i hope you have a lovely day/night/life.

@deusfoundry everything they do. the venice pics. the concerts. the blowing the kiss during the concert. yeah.

@stillnotherapy I love this video of him. I love them. I am manifesting the day that this will be me.

(it's the same video as the last one) and yeah.

[eddo-tensei]

More thoughts on Derision (Spoilers, obviously)

I think it's amusing that the default counter-argument to anyone who criticizes this episode boils down to "Well, you're just a Chloe Stan!" Which is something I had to deal with myself recently. Apparently, you can only hate this episode if you're a Chloe apologist. First off, hi, I'm Eddo. I wrote a fanfic where Chloe literally gets thrown into the dirt and suffer an allergic reaction to cacti, both times being her own fault. I feel like my Chloe Stan license should be revoked after that.

Anyways, I'm not surprised with the direction they went with Chloe in Derision. It's been stated since around Season 4 that Chloe was on a "Damnation Arc", so they've been doing everything they can to make her worse and worse. So, I'm not surprised or even angry that they continued this here. I'm annoyed, but not angry. What I AM angry about would be the other characters who got mangled in this shitshow.

Writers? Could you please stop having Chat threaten people with Cataclysm after he's shown regret doing it to people by accident TWICE?! This has happened three times now, counting what happened with Scarabella. Yes, I know he did this before with Darker Owl, but that just makes it worse because that happened right AFTER he regretted doing this to Monarch. You know, the guy who's been tormenting and attacking everyone for over a year? I guess to Chat, Damocles and Kim deserve it more for ripping away a fantasy and pulling a shitty prank respectively.

I know I complained about this a lot already, but this needs to be stressed upon. If we're going to take Cataclysm seriously, especially with what later episodes showed us, maybe DON'T have your hero threaten people with it for relatively petty reasons? "BUT IT'S FOR TRUE LOVE!!!1!!" Yeah, no. When he tried to do it on Darker Owl, Ladybug told him to cut that crap. It then happened again with Dark Humor with Ladybug telling him not to do it. It doesn't matter if it's for "true love." Both times he did this so far, Ladybug made it clear that this was a bad idea. So, maybe you guys should stop trying to encourage it. I refuse to believe that Chat believes that Monarch is more deserving to live after everything that he did than Kim after what he did. Speaking of Kim...

My friendly neighborhood dumb jock, why would the writers do this to you? When we only had the leaks to go by, I actually tried to scour for any interactions Kim had with Marinette and I can confirm that with the revelations we got in Derision, they REALLY don't make sense. Yes, Kim was a bit of a douche in the first season. Origins had him push Ivan around to the point of being the trigger for the Akuma. But he wasn't THIS much of a douchenozzle. Moreover, I have a hard time believing Marinette would be as friendly as she is with Kim throughout the series given what he did to her as revealed in this episode. Also, I know this is going to sound offensive, but...Kim was Marinette's first crush? Really? That's what you're going with? I'm not trying to insult Kim, but there was NOTHING that hinted to this. I can't help but think this was the thought process of the writers when they brought this up:

"So, we need to have Chloe do something to Marinette that would explain why Marinette struggles to be with Adrien. It has to be something big and traumatic. More importantly, it has to involve Marinette actually having a past crush that Chloe ruined and it has to be a character we're familiar with, so we can't make up an OC for it. We can't use Nino because he had a crush on her and it wouldn't make sense for her to reciprocate. We can't use Nathaniel because his crush went almost completely unnoticed by Marinette and he's also gay now. We can't use Ivan because he likes Mylene and we can't complicate that. We can't use Max because most people think he's ace and subverting that would piss a ton of people off. Oh, and we can't have it be any of the girls either because our show would get cancelled if Marinette isn't straight. So, let's just make it this guy."

"This. Fucking. Guy."

I'm having a hard time thinking of any other reason. I know some people theorized in the past that Kim and Marinette might've had a thing, but I don't think they held any water. Even now, however, I really don't think people should be happy it was canonized in this way.

I always held the belief that Chloe was responsible for Marinette's behavior, but my idea of it was that Chloe had been bullying Marinette for a long time and those years of sustained bullying took its toll on the poor baker girl that made it difficult for her to not only open her heart to people she loves, but have difficulties making friends in general until Alya came along. Yeah, Chloe doesn't look good in this case either, but it would've been more reasonable and would probably resonate with a lot more people who probably had to deal with bullies messing with them for a long time because these effects usually aren't instant. They get built on for a long time and it can really mess up their perception on things.

I think a good story would've been Marinette having to heal from that sustained trauma and while it is difficult since nobody can just quickly heal from trauma, it'd be a good journey for Marinette to be able to open up again with Alya and Adrien being just the first two pieces Marinette needs for her recovery.

But now, instead of all that, it turns out Chloe just pulled a prank that just unleashed a cavalcade of trauma on Marinette all at once that is hyper-specific to how she handles her crush that Adrien and ONLY Adrien can heal. All the while, it turns out that the prank was actually pulled by a guy who I really thought was just kinda fun and cool, but now I can't talk about him in the same way again because he's been thrown under the bus for the sake of this nonsense plot that's difficult not to call a full-on retcon. Do you know what I can call a retcon, though? Or rather who?

I am sorry to all of the people who are probably stanning Socqueline right now, but I CAN'T vibe with her. I'm not saying you're not allowed to like her either, because that would be dumb, but I DON'T like how she was presented in Derision. First off, to get this out of the way, we're no strangers to characters being introduced out of nowhere. Felix and Zoe are both characters that come to mind. The thing is you can at least explain their respective absences easily. Felix had likely been distant from Adrien for a long time with him only coming in out of obligation with Amelie. Zoe is actually even more easy to explain given that she was shoved into a boarding school by Audrey and wouldn't really be able to connect with any of the characters until she was forced to transfer. Socqueline, however, does not have that luxury and cannot be easily explained away not only with how we found her, but for the fact that there was NO hint to her existing until Season 5 and that is inexcusable given how much importance this character now has. To put it in perspective, this is how we are introduced to Socqueline in Jubilation:

Marinette: That fake Ladybug from this morning, I think it was Socqueline, a school friend from last year. Knowing her, I’m sure she means well. But I have to convince her to stop putting herself in danger like that.

That's it. She just calls her a school friend. Yes, it's clear that she's at least important enough for Marinette to remember her name, she was just called a school friend. At the very least, she did have an interesting story with her trying to be Ladybug in order to help people. Of course, she had to be talked out of it because it's causing issues with the real Ladybug, but it's a decent story and Socqueline had only made a few appearances here and there.

And then Derision.

Yes, Socqueline referred to Chloe as "that monster", so it's clear that they planned her to have something against Chloe since her first appearance. However, Derision showed us that Socqueline wasn't just a school friend. She was Marinette's closest confidant in the school years prior to the start of the series. She actively protects Marinette from bullies, particularly Chloe, and was clearly a huge inspiration for her until Chloe got her suspended from school.

First off, in case I haven't made it clear, we haven't seen Socqueline AT ALL until Season 5. Not even a hint to her existence. So given how significant she was made out to be in Derision, WHY HASN'T SHE MADE ANY APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES BEFOREHAND?! She doesn't even have the excuse of being outside of Paris like Felix and Zoe do because she's STILL there and in an arts and crafts store no less, which probably would've been a great place for Marinette to hang out in with her friends if the writers thought this through. But they didn't and Socqueline's debut comes off as severely jarring because we have this character who was really important to Marinette's life just not show up until she started cosplaying as Ladybug.

Secondly, it muddles Marinette's own backstory as well as severely hampering the significance of Alya. Now instead of being alone with nobody to help her against Chloe, which makes her friendship with Alya all the more stronger, Marinette just had this super cool friend who was always there for her until mean ol' Chloe got her kicked out of school. Doesn't that sound like something you'd see in a fanfic, specifically one that's salting Alya given how Socqueline was depicted as Marinette's BFF?

Thirdly, if Chloe was able to get Socqueline suspended so easily, then why hadn't she been able to do that with the other students? Yeah, she got close with Alya, but that didn't stick. If Chloe really had the ability to just make students disappear even if it happened once, she would NOT hesitate to try and do this again with any other student who slighted her, ESPECIALLY Marinette. But she doesn't. Once her attempt on Alya failed, she didn't try again. Hell, LILA had more attempts to get Marinette kicked out of school than Chloe did and actually got closer to doing it than Chloe would ever get, which is weird since she doesn't have the title of "Mayor's Daughter" to throw around like Chloe would. This just feels like something done to explain away why Socqueline didn't show up in the series which doesn't work because she's STILL IN PARIS and I'm pretty sure Marinette would be more than happy to meet with Socqueline given how close they were, but that never happened.

Fourthly, I'm guessing nobody felt like pointing it out because it felt too obvious, but doesn't Socqueline just come off as the writer's answer to Bridgette? You know, the older Marinette based on the anime PV that some fan writers implement into their own stories? Yeah, she's not one-to-one similar to Marinette like Bridgette is, but it definitely feels like another instance of the writers pulling stuff out of fanon just to put a canon spin on it. And like all the other instances, it's a bad spin.

Lastly, this whole incident with the prank and Socqueline's suspension took place a few months before Origins. Not even a year at the earliest. It was specifically stated that Socqueline was suspended three weeks before the end of the school year. Given how close that time gap, the way everyone behaves in Origins makes almost no sense. Marinette would be a lot more horrified of Chloe if Derision was anything to go by and Chloe would be more willing to try and cast Alya out so Marinette doesn't have any allies given that Derision showed Chloe REALLY wanting to make sure nobody helps Marinette. The only point I could even give any leeway to is Kim and even then, again, he's not that much of a douche in Origins as he was in Derision. So, really, it all just comes off as a blatant retcon specifically to try and explain the new direction the writers are taking with certain characters. And do you want to know the dumbest thing? Apparently, Socqueline was such an inspiration to Marinette that the latter changed her hair to be more like Socqueline's.

No, seriously. That's also how they explain why Marinette has different hairstyles. I know Expository Hairstyle Changes are a thing in fiction, but this is just awkward as hell given how traumatic and melodramatic the whole thing is. You don't need to say that Marinette's hairstyle came from someone who she considered a hero because nothing about Marinette indicated that her hairstyle is important. This isn't like Josuke changing his hairstyle to be based on the man who saved him as a child. It's a purely cosmetic change that's suddenly given a shit-ton of significance because now it's connected to this horribly traumatic incident. In fact, you know what this reminds me of?

Actually, the whole segment where this Linkara clip came from seems to sum up a lot of things wrong with Derision. It's not just bad because it makes some characters look bad or introduces stuff out of nowhere. It's bad because now everything in the flashback is now part of all of the characters! Every prior episode will now have to be viewed with a lens tinted by the events of this episode. Now nobody can discuss Kim without people salting on him for the prank, now nobody can talk about how important Alya's friendship with Marinette because of Socqueline's sudden boost in significance (In fact, it's very likely that Alya salters will try to use Socqueline as a replacement friend), and now nobody can speculate the intrigue of Marinette's past because EVERYTHING about her behavior is linked to this specific incident and nothing else. That's what pisses me off about this episode. That's why I share that Double D meme so frequently. I could care less about how much of a monster Chloe was depicted to be in this episode, but I am going to complain when other characters are butchered in the process. I will complain about one thing concerning her, though.

Isn't it amazing that you can tell the writers are trying DESPERATELY to squish any and all positive interpretations of Chloe, even trying to downplay parental neglect because "this character also didn't have a mom and they didn't turn out this way" even though Mylene's and Chloe's situations are still VASTLY different? You can make the argument that Audrey's absence doesn't excuse Chloe's actions. In fact, I don't think it really does either, but saying that there's only one valid response to an absent parent is EXTREMELY insensitive to people who might be going through similar situations.

Oh, and to cap this all off? This is the favorite episode of one of the main writers. Said writer possibly being considered to be the new director for Season 6 of Miraculous and onwards. I'm not gonna name which one for obvious reasons, but it's been confirmed.

I feel like this is a good indication that you need to hop off this series.

[jessi4fanfics]

TROLLS HOLIDAY OF HAVOC- A VALENTINES FANFIC: Part 1 (warning, rlly long)

only read this story if you are like REALLY bored and have nothing to do for the next bajillion minutes cuz ITS LONG

Its a mix of Broppy with a bit of Cliva!

I wrote this on Wattpad if you would rather read it there. 😘

"UGHHHHHHH," John Dory groaned as he and the rest of the BroZone brothers fell onto the couch the morning after one of their shows.

They were in Branch's bunker living room, where all of them except for Bruce lived now, though Bruce did live there when he was planning on staying in Pop Village for a while for shows, like this last week.

And there was only one way to describe what the brothers felt now: EXHAUSTED.

"I can't believe we did six shows in five days last week!" Clay groaned.

"I don't think I've slept since Monday," Branch sighed.

"At least we were all together," Floyd suggested. "It's better than when we were all apart, right?"

They all stared at him. It was obvious from their faces that they didn't really agree.

"I miss Brandy," Bruce sighed sadly, taking a picture of his wife and kids out of his hair.

"You always miss Brandy," John said, annoyed. "Why don't you enjoy hanging around us for a little while at least?"

"Because you guys never tell me how much you love me," Bruce shot back.

Floyd touched his shoulder. "Bruce, we love you a ton."

Bruce stared at him, then shrugged Floyd's hand off of his should. "Ehh, it's not the same."

"I'd be concerned if it was." Branch stood up. "Guys, we're all acting weird and mopey. You know why?"

"Because you didn't make us pancakes for breakfast like we asked?" John asked.

Branch frowned. "What? No. I told you; I don't have all the ingredients!"

"Well, I offered to go to the store for you, but nooooo you said--"

"It's because we all need a break!" Branch interrupted. "We've been working our butts off ever since we got back together, which is good, but we deserve a break sometime. Which is why--" He turned and grabbed the BroZone Planner book from off of the breakfast table, "--I completely emptied all of our activities this week." He placed it in front of Clay.

"What?! No way!" Clay opened the planner to the week that it was. It was true. The whole week had nothing written anywhere on it.

The brothers stared at it for a while. 

"Omigosh, yes!! This is what I've been secretly wanting for the past two months!" John gave a sigh of relief.

"That means we can do whatever we want all week!" Floyd smiled. "This is gonna be so much fun!"

"Guys, we should totally go bowling!" Bruce suggested.

John gave Bruce a funny look. "Why?"

"Cuz I haven't been bowling in forever! Last time I went bowling with Brandy, I broke my left pinkie toe!" He lifted his foot to show his toe, which was hanging in a weird way.

"Eww, that is disgusting, put that down!" Branch shrieked, covering his eyes.

"Dude, it's just the way of nature. Things break. Including toes," Bruce explained.

"That doesn't mean we want to see it!" Floyd gagged.

"Okay, okay!! If you put that foot down, we'll go bowling!" John compromised. 

"Okie!" Bruce put down his foot and gasped. "We can call it-- browling!!"

"Haha!! Yes! I love it!" John laughed, nudging him.

Clay had been quiet. His eyes were so wide they looked like saucers. Then he gave a relieved sigh. "Oh my gosh, it is so satisfying to open this planner to this week and see nothing in it."

"There's not nothing in it," Literal John pointed out. "It says 'Valentines Day' right there."

Clay gave him the bro, are you kidding me?  look. "Thanks."

"You're welcome! 🤗" John answered.

"Ahhh, Valentines Day," Bruce gave another sigh, this time full of relaxation and enjoyment, as he sat back. "You know, Brandy and I met on Valentines Day."

His brother turned to him, annoyed. 

"Yah, we know," John grunted. "You tell us every Saturd--"

"It was exactly ten years ago," Bruce began suddenly.

The rest of BroZone groaned. 

"I was new to Vacay Island and the Islanders, and watched them party in the evening of Valentines Day, all partying like they were never gonna stop. I watched sadly, wishing that I had my own Valentine to party with."

"And then that's when you saw her," Branch predicted.

"By the snack stand," Clay continued.

"All alone," Floyd reminded.

"Looking kind of depressed," John finished. "Maybe a bit like us right no--"

"And then!" Bruce didn't wait for JD to finish. "I decided now was my chance. So I walked up to that beauty. Her eyes were shining like bits of heaven itself. Her skin as yellow as a really ripe banana. Her hair as stringy as the cheese in a cheese and spinach ravioli."

"Why do you always describe her like that?" Clay asked. "It absolutely disgust--"

Bruce ignored him. "And I walked up to her and said, 'Hey, you must be today's special cuz you're making me hungry!"

All the brothers winced, just as they always did whenever Bruce got to that part.

"I'm really surprised she didn't punch you after saying that," Branch remarked.

"Oh, she did," Bruce chuckled.

"Wait, what?!!" Clay gasped.

"Dude, how come you've never told us the one interesting part in this lame story?!!" John gaped.

"I don't know. It didn't really matter," Bruce shrugged.

"What is wrong with you?" Clay asked.

Floyd laughed.

"Well, anyways. After I said that, she--"

They all groaned again.

"BROOOOOZOOONNNEEEE!!!" came a high but sweet voice from the hallway.  

Queen Poppy burst into the living room, her face full of excitement and joy. She waved a pink envelope in the air before twirling excitedly in the room. "I'm sorry that I just popped out of nowhere, but I had to tell you--!!"

She stopped, noticing Bruce's mouth open, mid-story. "Oop, am I interrupting something?"

"Nope, you just saved us," Clay said gratefully. 

"Yes, please continue. Even your news may beat Bruce's story," John pleaded. 

Branch smiled and rolled his eyes. He was completely grateful to Poppy for interrupting though. Hearing the same story every week wasn't very fun.

"What'd you want to tell us?" He asked, walking toward her.

"Well, you know how Valentines Day is in two days?" She sang in a happy voice.

"Ugh, don't start Bruce all over again!" John said, alarmed.

Bruce crossed his arms. "I don't get why you guys don't enjoy it. It's absolutely lovely."

"Sure, Bruce. If you say so." Floyd patted his shoulder.

"We were just talking about it," Branch informed Poppy, who looked a bit confuzzled.

"Oh. Well, good!" She grabbed his left arm. "I wanted to invite you all to--"

"Wait, invite us to?" Branch stopped her. "Poppy, I thought I told you, we were taking a break from parties and everything else all week!"

Poppy looked at him, remembered, then blushed. "Oh. Well, uhhh--" she scratched the back of her head. "It's not really a... party."

Branch sighed and took the pink envelope and opened it. Inside the card said:

YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO POP VILLAGE'S FIRST ANNUAL VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE!!

Formal Dress Required. Snacks Provided! 6pm to 9pm.  

"Popppyyy," he gave long groan.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-- I forgot, you don't have to go!" Poppy's face flushed even more. 

"Another party?!" John moaned, leaning back on the couch.

"But I was hoping to go back home that day!" Bruce said. He sighed. "Well, I guess..."

Clay also gave a sad sigh. "There goes our empty week." He grabbed a pencil and tried to bring himself to write in the planner Valentine Dance.

"For the second time, it's not empty! It already says 'Valentines Day', right there!" John pointed out again. 

"DUDE HOW LITERAL CAN YOU BE?!!" Clay shrieked.

"Guys!" Poppy yelled.

They all turned to her.

She turned back to Branch. "Look. You're right. You told me not to invite you to a party. I thought the ball would be alright since it wasn't really a party, but I shouldn't have taken you so literally, and I'm sorry. You all don't have to go, no pressure." She gave him a kind smile and turned around and left.

They all stared after her.

"That was really sweet of her," Floyd said.

"Wow. Branch. She practically got on her knees, begging for forgiveness, and you just stand there like a doofus!" John said.

"Yeah, Brandy never would never have done that for me," Bruce said, impressed.

"Mostly because she doesn't have knees," Clay smarted.

The Clay and John snickered.

"I don't find that funny!" Bruce shouted.

Branch sat down next to Floyd. 

"Penny for your thoughts," Floyd said gently.

"I think I'm gonna go to the dance," Branch said shortly.

"What?!" John turned to him. "What happened to browling?!!"

"We have all week to do that, it's just one day, guys." Branch shrugged. "Besides, I kinda want to make this Valentines Day perfect for Poppy. The past few haven't gone-- well, very well."

"What do you mean?" Floyd asked.

~~~ THREE YEARS AGO~~~

"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!!" Poppy held out a Valentine's Day card to a grumpy Branch.

He took it with a plastered smile then stomped on it angrily.

"😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped. 

~~~ TWO YEARS AGO~~~

"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!" Poppy held out another Valentine's Day card for a grumpy Branch.

He took it and stomped on it.

"😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped.

~~~ONE YEAR AGO (Branch has his true colors now, y'all)~~~

"Happy Valentines Day, Branch!!" Poppy held out her annual Valentine's Day card to a now happy Branch, sure he wasn't going to stomp on it.

Glitter sprayed in his face.

"EEEWW, I GOT GLITTER IN MY MOUTH!!" Branch shrieked. "I THINK IMMA PUKE-" runs away gagging dangerously.

 "😱😱!!!" Everyone gasped.

~~~BACK TO PRESENT TIME~~~

"Oof, yah, you do owe her a good Valentines Day," Floyd completely agreed. 

"And maybe this is my way of doing it," Branch said. He got up. "I'm going to go tell Poppy. But none of you guys have to go."

"Oh, don't worry, we've got that in mind," John said, annoyed. 

"Poppy!" Branch ran out of the living room smack into--

"Hiii!!" Poppy gave him a giddy smile.

"Poppy, were you standing there the whole time?" Branch asked, lifting an eyebrow.

She shifted uncomfortably. "Mayyybeee."

He couldn't help smiling.

"I was hoping you'd say you would still come! And you did!!" Poppy gave an excited squeal and jumped onto him, giving him a big hug.

"Okay, okay, but I don't think the rest of them are coming," Branch gently pushed her off of him.

"That's okay." She waved her hand carelessly. "As long as you're there."

He grinned.

"Viva and I are so excited, we're planning on decorating it all by ourselves and we're ordering the biggest cake you've ever seen and--" she gave an excited gasp. "Branch!! You'll have to come over tomorrow! I have so many ideas for your tuxedo!"

"Well, I-- uhh." Branch wasn't sure if he wanted to wear another tuxedo in his life. He had worn that all week so far.

"How about around 11am tomorrow?! Okay, good!" She kissed his cheek, not waiting for an answer. "I'll see you then!!!" And she danced toward the elevator.

Branch gave an exasperated sigh. 

~~~ The Next Day~~~

"I'm off to Poppy's to see about tuxedos, guys," Branch said. 

"Ouch, good luck with that." John lay on his back on the couch, covering the whole thing.

Branch rolled his eyes.

"Branch, do you have a mailbox?" Bruce asked from the breakfast nook. "I haven't had mail in forever!"

"Pfft, who'd send mail to you?" John asked. "You aren't a thrilling teenager anymore, Bruce."

"As a matter of fact, I get tons of fanmail, Mister I'm-Jealous-Cuz-I've-Never-Gotten-One-Fan-Letter-In-My-Entire-Life. But I was talking more about my family," Bruce said defensively.

"Mmm." John had no comeback.

"As an answer to your question," Branch finally managed to cut in, "No, Bruce, I do not. Poppy's working on that. I can go get your mail at the post office if you want."

"Ooh, and while you're there," Clay handed him a letter to mail.

"What's this?" Branch asked.

"Well, it's--" Clay began in his I'm-about-to-blab-about-serious-boring-and-important-stuff-for-about-fifteen-minutes voice.

"Ya know what, doesn't matter, I'll take it." Branch was not about to stand here for fifteen minutes. Not when he could be talking to Poppy. "Anything else?"

"Oh! I have a grocery list!" John got up and handed him a five-foot-long list. 

"John, I'm going to Poppy's pod. I'm not going anywhere near the grocery store."

"Well, you asked 'anything else' and I told you!" John went back to the couch. "You're welcome."

Branch rolled his eyes. 

"Here, Branch. I'll go do that stuff." Floyd got up from the breakfast table. "You can go on ahead to Poppy's pod."

"Oh. Thanks, Floyd." Branch gave him a smile. 

"We're off!" Floyd announced.

"Hmm."

"They don't care, let's just go before they order us to go pick up something somewhere else," Branch whispered.

"Good idea," Floyd agreed.

They started off toward the direction of Poppy's pod (the post office was on the way).

"Soooo...." Floyd said in a singsong voice.

"Soooo?" Branch asked.

"What's your gameplan?"

"For what?"

Floyd laughed. "Asking Poppy to the dance!"

"What?" Branch gave him a funny look. "I have to ask her? She's not just gonna assume we're going together because we're dating?"

"Well, of course she does. But it's more fun for the girls when they get asked." Floyd grinned. "You know, you'd think you've never been in a famous boyband."

"Yeah, well, girls weren't always my first priority, you know."

"I can see that." Floyd's grin turned into a gentle smile. "Branch, I want you to do how proud I am of you."

Branch shifted uncomfortably. "For what?"

"Getting along. Without us. Even before you had your true colors back. You dealth with Grandma..." Floyd gulped. "Well, you dealt with that all alone. And you still went on."

"Barely." Branch shrugged. "If it wasn't for Poppy, I don't know where I'd be right now."

"Well, it wasn't just Poppy." Floyd looked straight into Branch's blue eyes. "Poppy isn't in control of you changing, Branch. That's almost all you. She may have changed you, but you let her. And that's why you're here now, dating the Queen of the Pop Trolls."

Branch flushed. 

Floyd chuckled. "I remember the day you were born. Clay made ten lame jokes about you right away, laughing at them by himself, Bruce seemed to be grumpy because you had blue eyes when he had always wanted them, and John looked like he wanted to die because he now had four brothers instead of three. But I knew right away, you were something special, Branch."

"I'm not that special," Branch said. But he couldn't stop smiling. "Oh, there's Poppy and Viva!"

They were in front of Poppy's pod, doing backflips in the grass, giggling like crazy.

"Oh, man, they're gonna break their necks!" Branch rushed to them. "Poppy, wait, don't--!!"

Floyd laughed, watching. Then he looked at Viva. She was laughing at Branch as well, giving him a teasing push, and he turned on her and tweaked a blonde curl, grinning, something he had grown to do lately as he as now as close to her as his brothers.

Branch knew a lot about Viva already because he hung around Poppy so much. Floyd wondered if he was close enough to her to be able to jokingly tweak a curl. 

No, definitely not. But it would be fun to have a friend like that. And he hadn't had very many since he went to Mount Rageous. 

Suddenly, an idea popped in his head. It sounded alright. Would Viva think so?

He smiled and walked toward her calmly, on a mission.

...

[sophietv]

What’s your thought about “Kaylor: The timeline”

I’ve just ended it and I’m pretty positive that’s something fishy with that. I mean there are literally the lyrics of songs from Reputation and Lover, the concepts of both of these albums and also everything seems to fall into the right place and the insights are so accurate.

I don’t know if it’s just me and I’m clowning around or it’s obvious to you too (?)

It's funny that you ask me this question because my group chat made me read this fanfic at the start of the year to see what I would think about this.

For those who don't know what we are talking about. Here's the link (X).

It's a fanfic that people heavily speculate is written by Taylor. As there's many Koincidences and references to albums that were not released when it came out.

The fanfic was started in February 1st 2015 and the last chapter was posted on May 27th 2016.

At first I was VERY skeptic. Because when you read it with that lense and go to the comments and it's full of people saying things like: Look! She talked about grass it's a reference to Invisible String!!

Well, it was not very convincing. 😅

But then I got the the part where Karlie and her are going to the restaurant and Taylor compares her life to being in a fishbowl...

Then, there's so many tiny details that are, well really precise.

Like at some point in the Timeline they are talking about a moment Taylor was very jetlaggued and wrote an email to Scott Borchetta telling him that she does what she wants.

Well, there was a tweet that Taylor made, with this exact caption.

And the date on the Timeline is the exact same as the tweet.

But those can all be just a very dedicated fan that did their research.

It's been a long time since I read it so I don't remember all the details.

But then....

There is a scene that is exactly : "I'm laughing with my lover, making fort undercover, trust him like a brother, yeah you know I did one thing right".

I repeat that the last chapter was written in May 2016...

That's references to Call It What You Want.

Her song about the Love Blackout and running away with Karlie...

And in that chapter (or really not long after), she's EXACTLY talking about the love blackout....well running away with Karlie.

Not only that.

She's talking about taking a break from big releases after 1989, to be just with Karlie and not release another album like planned. 🤨

She's asking Karlie to run away with her. Somewhere they can just be them. And Karlie says yes.

To tell you my jaw dropped when I read that....

Go read my Love Blackout post if you haven't to have the full 🤯 effect (X)

And read the last part of that chapter... (X)

They talked about coming out together if everything went well until Decembre 2014....Karma....

Now. You know that I tried to dig a little to see if I could find something.

Sadly I've found nothing.

The author have a Tumblr and A LOT of posts. Taylor would have had to create a whole other personna before creating that fanfic. (X)

The author also have other fanfics.

So is it really odd all the references to album that were not released yet? Definilty.

Is it impossible to be Taylor that wrote that? I guess not.

But I really can't tell honnestly.

But the Love Blackout plan and delaying album release to run away with Karlie is jarring. As well as the Call It What You Want reference and Lover fishbowl.

There's more, but those three are the ones that stuck with me.

Things that makes less sense though: Dianna earasure, Haylor being real. Joshlie being real.

Although. If we want to clown... this could have been a way to protect all those people and create a believable storyline that would have given them the chance to come out together....

So yeah... One of Gaylors/Kaylors greatest mystery.

That and The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo...

[darkpoisonouslove]

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

🍭why did you start writing?

💎why is writing important to you?

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Whether or not the character motivations come through. I tend to write a lot of canon divergence/AU and sometimes the roles that I put the characters in are not immediately intuitive for them. Honestly, I am - at all times, not just when posting - one step away from literally screaming, crying, throwing up at the idea that the characters' actions and words might not be believable the way I've written them.

🍭why did you start writing?

Hell if I know. I just had an idea and I went for it. I wrote about 4 chapters before abandoning it. Much later (5+ years) I had another idea and I started writing down small snippets of thoughts coming to me. They weren't really stories yet but I was already planning these great epics. That went on for another year where I started at least three more novels that got abandoned either on the first or second chapter. And then I saw the Seventh Son. It gave me extreme rage for the movie and that's when the idea for my main book was born (not abandoned but I am very much cleaning up the plot and themes still, 8 years later). Completely out of spite. At that point I guess I knew writing was for me but I cannot remember why I decided to keep going... other than the overwhelming amount of ideas that just seemed like gold (they were not - at that point my approach to generating plot was just "throw a bunch of terrible situations at the page and see what sticks, except I didn't have the critical ability to actually discern what "stuck" aka was good and most of the alleged plot was just a poorly motivated soup of happenings). I think I also discovered fanfic and started my first one in the summer before the main book came to me (which happened at the end of January). I just had situations in mind that I wanted to subject my characters to.

💎why is writing important to you?

Lmao, the last couple of years writing has been a literal pain so it's not so much "I love it for reasons x, y and z" as much as it is "I literally, physically start to go stir crazy if I go without writing for a certain amount of time". It has certainly helped me deal with inner conflicts before but I don't think I've been able to successfully process an emotion since the pandemic started so I wouldn't say it's been an emotional outlet recently. Surely, I've dumped my emotions on the page - more often than not - but it either makes me more confused when I try to disentangle the characters' feelings as well as mine, or it adds more negative emotions like self-doubt and frustration. That sounds very bleak and I don't want it to but the truth is that it has been a struggle the past few years. I am constantly overthinking every little detail or getting mad at myself for tiring so easily and not having the mental capacity to write. This all sounds like a perfect set of reasons to quit but I haven't yet and I don't really intend to. Writing is important to me even if I can't tell why right now. It must be since I can't quit.

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

I'm not sure I can actually give an answer to this because I'd have to know what people think of my stories and most of them get one or two comments in total so it's hard to say if people get it or not. Honestly, I'm lucky because you really get them (hive mind ftw!). I am instantly thinking about how you literally highlighted all the parts in Want of a Mask that I tried to emphasize with my writing so that was the opposite of what you're asking me.

Honestly, the only thing that comes to mind is Sharing - a Fairy Tail fanfic that I wrote for a fandom week. It is much deeper and moving than the other two - very generic - works that I wrote for the same fandom week, yet those are more popular (that's the impression I got at the time when it was only posted on FFN; stats on AO3 kind of disagree with me atm).

Send me ((REAL)) fic writer asks

[justsomeoneunordinary]

18 23 and 27 for the fic trope ask game?

Thank you for the asks! ❣️

18. Mary Sue fic

Well... I used to be a teenager once too. And I started writing fics back in 2009 already. So, you can bet I absolutely wrote OC x character fics in which the OC was literally just me but as a Mary Sue. And I absolutely think teenagers (and anyone else, but I believe it's usually just teenagers) should go wild with this to their heart's content!

I myself haven't touched such fics in more than a decade and I'm not going to change that either. I am generally not much interested in reading OCs in fanfics (I like original work! I read and write it every now and then too! (Every now and then I say as if it hadn't been literal years since the last time I wrote original work lol)) but in fanfics OCs are a no from me. Sometimes already existing characters are written Mary Sue-ish (usually minor characters who barely appear in the media), and I simply exit the fic in such cases too.

I'm also not interested in Mary Sue parodies.

Go wild with it and have fun - I am simply not the target audience.

23. Someone has a baby

Eh. The problem is, as someone who works with kids, I instantly see when kids and babies aren't written according to their age, and general mistakes, which happens rather often. And I can't unsee it.

There are also enough babies at my work, I don't need to have them in my fics too, you know?

I do like funny babysitting fics tho, especially such where a character or both totally fail at it! I also don't necessarily hate the kid fic/baby fic trope, but I'm really not a fan. Much less writing it myself - I'd write my own job, and I'd rather not.

27 answered here already!

-

Send me Fic Trope asks!

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

i wrote smut and put it on ao3 today and it was apparently so good that within two hours i had 600+ views, 9 saves, 64 kudos, and 2 comments telling me to write more!!!!!!

and to think i was so nervous about people reading it and saying, "yeah, a virgin definitely wrote that"!!!!!

im SCREAMING

there's a read aloud button on my computer (it is a lifesaver for me) and i listened to the story again for the first time since publishing it and i actually forgot that i added the last kinkier scene as a sort of cliff hanger and like

y'all ever squeal over your own writing?

like read the filthiest, most outta pocket smut ever and just go

I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THAT???

one time my best friend told me that virgins will write the most vile, filthy, nastiest smut on earth and then just go about their day and i think about that every time i write fanfics like this

and the funny thing is that when i read it, i always worry that it's like...too tame or something???? but i give it to my (i usually try to give it to multiple friends, but this one i only showed it to one friend) friends who like...have done stuff, like multiple times and with different people of any gender, and/or with varying degrees of kink experience and they are always like girl this is hot????? how tf did you write this????

i will say that when i first started writing, i was so awful

none of it was realistic

but my best friend helped me a lot with it and gave me a lot of useful corrections and information that you really can't just google and i think her efforts really helped get me to where my fanfics are completely believable

i also read through them over and over before publishing to make sure that the movement and continuity throughout the story is very clear, as in like, if a character was playing a very heavy instrument earlier in the story and she set it against the chair, but the main characters are like knocking boots or something on that chair, i always make sure there is a tangible moment where that instrument was moved to another spot or something

anyway im literally so excited because i put some of my work on another website like two weeks ago and have been regularly updating it but the views and saves have been really slow (155 reads, 2 saves), so when i decided to put it on ao3 and THEY ATE THAT SHIT UP WITHIN HOURS?????

shook

and the best best best best part!! i uploaded two fanfics, and the other one, which was very fluffy, got 69 kudos!! That is still more than two of my chapters on the other website COMBINED. and it has more saves (4) than the other story, which had 2.

im so happy. it's literally been years, like YEARS, since i've published absolutely anything, so having this sort of feedback, even just about my silly little fanfiction, has me so giddy and excited!!

like damn maybe im not a horrible writer after all hehe

[victorfrankendork]

guess who’s sad and gay on this fine night? ME.

who knows if i’ll ever finish this fic or if it’ll just stay self indulgent snapshots of an idea to satisfy my need for M O R E, but i’m crying over this bit in medias res rn, and i’d like you all to cry too if you so want. pls join me under the cut:

(((context if u desire: au where eddie also got caught in the deadlights like bev the first time they faced IT––and so did stan, but this is a reddie fic i’m trash ilu stan and bev i’m sorry––and three out of seven losers have been plagued with horrifically vivid nightmares for decades involving the deaths of people who are seemingly strangers. twenty-seven years have passed since that summer, twenty-two since he left derry, and eddie starts having v different weird af dreams where he’s just sitting around talking to this asshole he doesn’t even remember knowing until it all comes back. only they’re not dreams, he’s really talking to this asshole, and IT is back, but remembering the past and falling in love all over again is just as scary as a murderous alien clown.)))

��No, we’ve kissed before.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Do you remember that last night, at the end of summer after we graduated, right before we both left?” Richie asks, and there’s something that sounds almost excited in his voice, in a tentative sort of way. The kind of thing that tells him whatever he’s remembered is something big, or at least it was something big to him. He knows that feeling, knows what it’s like to have a memory suddenly knock the wind out of him, coming back in such vivid detail it almost feels too real, just like these dreams. Hearing that in his voice, even if it hasn’t come back to him yet, makes him excited, too, eager to have that memory back, to know whatever it is he’s feeling. Part of it is a little terrifying, though, to not know what he had done, to have such large chunks of his own life just gone, only hitting him again when prompted by a word, or a sight, or a touch. And maybe it’s even more terrifying considering what it is they’re talking about now.

He didn’t remember that night, but he doesn’t say it, certain, even with no concrete evidence for it, that he’ll remember as soon as he needs to, and not a moment before. All he does is shrug slightly, frown creasing his forehead, and if his heart is beating a little faster against his ribs wanting to have that memory back, he doesn’t think too hard about it.

Richie goes on, clearly trying his best to conjure up the memory for him, as well, speaking as if it’s only just fully coming back to him as he says it all out loud again.

“It was just us, or at least it was at the end of the day. I think maybe someone else was there before… I can’t remember… a friend? Shit, I don’t know… But I know that we were alone after a while, and things kind of shifted, I guess. It was hard not to be sad, I mean, of course it was; it was the end of summer, and the end of our childhood. I think you said that, I sure as shit didn’t. Of course you would say it, the end of our fucking childhood. Sounded like a character straight out of a shitty coming-of-age movie,” he laughs, shaking his head, a fond smile crossing his lips as he looks back at him.

It feels like Richie’s looking at something Eddie can’t see, though, his younger self, a self he can’t even remember being. But maybe what matters is that Richie is remembering. “The thing is, that it was the end. We were both leaving the next day, and we were going to be on opposite sides of the country. We were all going to be on our own for the first time. We weren’t going to be together anymore…”

As Richie describes it, something in his voice changes, and Eddie can remember it clearer and clearer. There’s the creeping sensation of dread just beneath the surface, and he can’t tell if it’s from knowing that it had happened at all, that it had ended, or a phantom sensation leftover from being eighteen, the memory itself gifting that to him.

They had gone swimming, late that afternoon when the sun was high and the air was thick, had tired themselves out in the water then laid out on the rocks to dry off, lazily drifting in and out of sleep, talking absently about what they thought college was going to be like, reminiscing about days that felt long gone on the horizon of adulthood. And then they’d walked through the Barrens. The Barrens. Shit, how had he forgotten about the Barrens? Where the best moments of their childhoods had taken place, memories only just recently coming back into focus. They’d wandered absently, until they had come upon that old clubhouse of theirs. And soon enough, it was dark, and the two of them were alone, and something about the air had felt just as heavy as it had in the middle of the afternoon, even as the sun set and the coolness of a late summer night settled in.

Richie was in the hammock, and he had jokingly gotten in, too, only it wasn’t a joke. There wasn’t anyone around to watch, to laugh at their bickering, or the way their suddenly too long limbs didn’t fit so well together in the hammock anymore, impossible not to tangle legs together, skin pressed to skin, touching, touching, touching.

He was suddenly very aware of how quiet it was in the clubhouse, only the nearby sound of crickets chirping, the rustling of leaves, twigs snapping every so often. Impossible not to focus on how it felt like his throat was closing up when Richie rested a hand on his leg, but not in a way that made him need to pull out his inhaler. It had been so quiet, for once, neither of them wanting to break the fragile peace, something anticipatory about it, and he had felt a lot like his heart was going to burst from the silence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from saying, I’m going to miss this, I’m going to miss you.

And they had both known, without needing anything else, that he meant something different then as opposed to when he had said it to the others as one by one they drifted apart. Eddie had realized something oddly comforting, in that moment, as he said it.

There are different kinds of longing, different kinds of missing someone.

For once in his damn life, Richie had been silent for longer than a few seconds, just looking back at him with a slight frown creasing his forehead. Weighing the risk, weighing the reward, Eddie realizes now looking back on it. It was awkward, the way he had pushed himself up to sitting in the hammock, knocking knees, the whole thing swaying dangerously, and Eddie had thought, for a terrible second, that he was just going to get up and leave, and it would all be over like that. After all, he had crossed an invisible line they’d been dancing around for years, one he hadn’t even realized might exist until that moment, certainly not one that he fully understood even then, and that was the end of that. The disappointment that washed over him felt deep, and unfamiliar, something different than just saying the wrong thing in front of a friend, a joke not landing quite right. It would be nearly funny, looking back, just how clueless he let himself be, all because of a fear of something even greater than what might happen if he let himself feel what he felt. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so damn sad.

The thing is, though, that he remembers how it went, and it wasn’t the way he had been expecting. Because Richie didn’t get up to leave. No, he had scooted forward, so that he was sitting between his legs, the sudden weight concentrated in the middle of the hammock making Eddie slide towards him, forcing him to sit up straighter, too, so that he didn’t end up fully in his lap. Before he could do much else, though, Richie had leaned forward and pressed a quick, nervous kiss to his lips. It wasn’t much, but it had been everything to him in that moment.

A kiss. His first kiss. And with a boy. With Richie.

And the world didn’t come crashing down around him as soon as their lips touched. They were fine. He was fine. Better than fine, even; happy.

(He hasn’t been happy since then, he realizes now. He wasn’t happy again until all of this started happening, until he was allowed to remember.)

It had taken another long moment of silence once he pulled back before either of them spoke, but it said more than anything else that neither of them had bolted as soon as it happened. Richie didn’t look any less terrified, and he had still felt like his heart was going to explode in his fucking chest, but all in a good way, because how could something that felt so nice be bad? He didn’t know what it meant, could hardly even comprehend that it had happened at all, but he was glad it did. And there had been something there in the pit of his stomach that begged for it to happen again.

Does that mean you’re going to miss me, too?

It had come out less teasing than Eddie planned, voice barely more than a whisper, like even the smallest thing could have disturbed the secret moment they had created. A little too genuine, like he couldn’t quite believe Richie meant it, that he might take it back if he had the chance, that he was just teasing with that, too, like he always liked to tease him. But Richie wasn’t like that, still isn’t, from what he can tell, and he had let out a fond breath of laughter, the frown finally smoothing out, relief flooding his face. He seemed more confident suddenly, when he had reached out and put a hand on Eddie’s cheek.

Of course, I’m going to miss my Eddie Spaghetti. Nearly as much as I’ll miss your mom.

For once, it had drawn an unwilling laugh from his lips, the noise a little strangled, much more focused on the first half of it to really give a fuck about the joke.

The second kiss, Eddie was the one who closed the gap between them.

When he looks back at Richie, he’s got that familiar look of fear on his face, the same sort of fear he had had all those years ago, of being truly known, of what will happen if he’s honest, like maybe this time the response isn’t going to be good, maybe twenty-two years is enough to change things completely. And Eddie gets it. He understands the fear better than most people, having lived with it so deeply ingrained in a different way, that he hadn’t even let himself consider that something like this might be true until he’d been literally forced to, both then, and now. The thing is, though, that it doesn’t matter what changed, what they lost against their wills, they have it now, in this strange dreamscape. And there’s even less reason to be afraid here, almost like they’re back in the clubhouse in the dark, with only each other, and their secrets, free to be honest.

He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, looking back at Richie with a newfound perspective. This isn’t the first time they’ve been here.

(He wonders, though, if it will be the last.)

“I missed you, like I said I would. Even if I got turned around for a few years in the middle there,” he says, quietly, the teasing gone from his voice now.

“You did?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised by the information, and suddenly Eddie can see what he saw, all the fear, and eagerness, and desire of the Richie of twenty-something years ago, memories colliding with the present, changing everything, and somehow keeping it utterly the same.

“Yeah,” he nods, a soft smile slipping over his lips. He reaches out and puts a hand on his cheek, thumb brushing over stubble, the sensation bringing back another round of memories. And then he gives him a rough pat on the cheek as he goes on. “Wish you hadn’t brought up my fucking mother after kissing me, though, asshole.”

The noise that comes out of Richie’s mouth is kind of a laugh, shocked and a little too loud, definitely not attractive, but somehow it just solidifies everything he’s just remembered. It solidifies everything he’s been thinking since falling asleep one night, weeks ago, and waking up next to this too loud, too tall idiot in his fucking dreams.

He’s fucked.

[itsclydebitches]

Here's a quandary I've suddenly found myself in: where do you stand on writers deleting their own works, fanfiction or otherwise? I've had this happen to me on more than one occasion - I go to look for an old favorite and find it's since been deleted from whatever site I read it on.

On the one hand, I'm inclined to think that, "Sure. The author wrote it, it's their call. I don't own the work - I certainly didn't pay for it. It's their decision, even if it's disappointing."

But at the same time I can't help but consider the alternative - if I believe in death of the author (and I do), that an author's work fundamentally isn't solely theirs once it's been published, posted, etc., then it also seems wrong to have a work deleted. Stories aren't the sole property of their creator, after all.

But then I circle back. D'you think there are different obligations between authors and readers and the works being made in fandom space? I know if I had bought a book and the author decided they wanted it back, I would feel pretty comfortable telling them no, given I'd paid for it and whatnot. But that's a different world from fanfic and fandom space generally.

So. You're insightful Clyde, I'm curious as to what you'll have to say here (and to all y'all thinking about it, don't flame me. I haven't decided where I stand here yet - haven't heard a good nail-in-the-coffin argument for or against yet).

Val are you a mind reader now? I’ve been thinking about this exact conundrum the last few days!

(And yeah, as a general disclaimer: no flaming. Not allowed. Any asks of the sort will be deleted on sight and with great satisfaction.)

Honestly, I’m not sure there is a “nail-in-the-coffin argument” for this, just because—as you lay out—there are really good points for keeping works around and really good points for allowing authors to have control over their work, especially when fanworks have no payment/legal obligations attached. In mainstream entertainment, your stories reflect a collaborative effort (publisher, editor, cover artists, etc.) so even if it were possible to delete the physical books out of everyone’s home and library (and we're ignoring the censorship angle for the moment), that’s no longer solely the author’s call, even if they have done the lion’s share of the creative work. Though fanworks can also, obviously, be collaborative, they’re usually not collaborative in the same way (more “This fic idea came about from discord conversations, a couple tumblr posts, and that one headcanon on reddit”) and they certainly don’t have the same monetary, legal, and professional strings attached. I wrote this fic as a hobby in my free time. Don’t I have the right to delete it like I also have the right to tear apart the blankets I knit?

Well yes… but also no? I personally view fanworks as akin to gifts—the academic term for our communities is literally “gift economy”—so if we view it like that, suddenly that discomfort with getting rid of works is more pronounced. If I not only knit a blanket, but then gift it to a friend, it would indeed feel outside of my rights to randomly knock on their door one day and go, “I actually decided I hate that? Please give it back so I can tear it to shreds, thanks :)” That’s so rude! And any real friend would try to talk me out of it, explaining both why they love the blanket and, even if it’s not technically the best in terms of craftsmanship, it holds significant emotional value to them. Save it for that reason alone, at least. Fanworks carry that same meaning—“I don’t care if it’s full of typos, super cliché, and using some outdated, uncomfortable tropes. This story meant so much to me as a teenager and I’ll always love it”—but the difference in medium and relationships means it’s easier to ignore all that. I’m not going up to someone’s house and asking face-to-face to destroy something I gave them (which is awkward as hell. That alone deters us), I’m just pressing a button on my computer. I’m not asking this of a personal friend that is involved in my IRL experiences, I’m (mostly) doing this to online peers I know little, if anything, about. It’s easy to distance ourselves from both the impact of our creative work and the act of getting rid of it while online. On the flip-side though, it’s also easier to demean that work and forget that the author is a real person who put a lot of effort into this creation. If someone didn’t like my knitted blanket I gave them as a gift, they’re unlikely to tell me that. They recognize that it’s impolite and that the act of creating something for them is more important than the construction’s craftsmanship. For fanworks though, with everyone spread around the world and using made up identities, people have fewer filters, happily tearing authors to shreds in the comments, sending anon hate, and the like. The fact that we’re both prefacing this conversation with, “Please don’t flame” emphasizes that. So if I wrote a fic with some iffy tropes, “cringy” dialogue, numerous typos, whatever and enough people decided to drag me for it… I don’t know whether I’d resist the urge to just delete the fic, hopefully ending those interactions. There’s a reason why we’re constantly reminding others to express when they enjoy someone else’s work: the ratio of praise to criticism in fandom (or simply praise to seeming indifference because there was no public reaction at all), is horribly skewed.

So I personally can’t blame anyone for deleting. I’d like to hope that more people realize the importance of keeping fanworks around, that everything you put out there is loved by someone… but I’m well aware that the reality is far more complicated. It’s hard to keep that in mind. It’s hard to keep something around that you personally no longer like. Harder still to keep up a work you might be harassed over, that someone IRL discovered, that you’re disgusted with because you didn’t know better back then… there are lots of reasons why people delete and I ultimately can’t fault them for that. I think the reasons why people delete stem more from problems in fandom culture at large—trolling, legal issues, lack of positive feedback, cancel culture, etc.—than anything the author has or has not personally done, and since such work is meant to be a part of an enjoyable hobby… I can’t rightly tell anyone to shoulder those problems, problems they can’t solve themselves, just for the sake of mine or others’ enjoyment. The reason I’ve been thinking about this lately is because I was discussing Attack on Titan and how much I dislike the source material now, resulting in a very uncomfortable relationship with the fics I wrote a few years back. I’ve personally decided to keep them up and that’s largely because some have received fantastic feedback and I’m aware of how it will hurt those still in the fandom if I take them down. So if a positive experience is the cornerstone of me keeping fics up, I can only assume that negative experiences would likewise been the cornerstone of taking them down. And if getting rid of that fic helps your mental health, or solves a bullying problem, or just makes you happier… that, to me, is always more important than the fic itself.

But, of course, it’s still devastating for everyone who loses the work, which is why my compromise-y answer is to embrace options like AO3’s phenomenal orphaning policy. That’s a fantastic middle ground between saving fanworks and allowing authors to distances themselves from them. I’ve also gotten a lot more proactive about saving the works I want to have around in the future. Regardless of whether we agree with deleting works or not, the reality is we do live in a world where it happens, so best to take action on our own to save what we want to keep around. Though I respect an author’s right to delete, I also respect the reader’s right to maintain access to the work, once published, in whatever way they can. That's probably my real answer here: authors have their rights, but readers have their rights too, so if you decide to publish in the first place, be aware that these rights might, at some point, clash. I download all my favorite fics to Calibre and, when I’m earning more money (lol) I hope to print and bind many for my personal library. I’m also willing to re-share fic if others are looking for them, in order to celebrate the author’s work even if they no longer want anything to do with it. Not fanfiction in this case, but one of my fondest memories was being really into Phantom of the Opera as a kid and wanting, oh so desperately, to read Susan Kay’s Phantom. Problem was, it was out of print at the time, not available at my library, and this was before the age of popping online and finding a used copy. For all intents and purposes, based on my personal situation, this was a case of a book just disappearing from the world. So when an old fandom mom on the message boards I frequented offered to type her copy up chapter by chapter and share it with me, you can only imagine how overjoyed I was. Idk what her own situation was that something like scanning wouldn’t work, but the point is she spent months helping a fandom kid she barely knew simply because a story had resonated with her and she wanted to share it. That shit is powerful!

So if someone wants to delete—if that’s something they need right now—I believe that is, ultimately, their decision… but please try your hardest to remember that the art you put out into the world is having an impact and people will absolutely miss it when it’s gone. Often to the point of doing everything they can to put it back out into the world even if you decide to take it out. Hold onto that feeling. The love you have for your favorite fic, fanart, meta, whatever it is? Someone else has that for your work too. I guarantee it.

So take things down as needed, but for the love of everything keep copies for yourself. You may very well want to give it back to the world someday.

[spiltscribbles]

Yes yes yes to all of the things you just reblogged about tiktok and atyd. I've been in the fandom since the terms used where slash and lemon. So a while. I don't know if it because lots of new fans are really young (I'm talking 13-15 years old. Literal children) but I've been the one who now feels "uncomfy" in the fandom because well, I like complex, raw and real portray of characters and not versions reduced (by the readers) to a bunch of bullet points taken religiously. Where everything else is sin™. And it's not even about atyd or its author really (who shockingly, left the fandom. I reaaally wondered why) bc their other r/s fic is bloody great (it's a hairdresser/band Au. Highly recommend) but it's mature and I'm pretty sure would be considered really problematic by the same people (especially the bits about Remus past). I'm seeing a trend in this fandom that I absolutely do no like. Atyd is a fanfiction. Nothing more. Everyone has their hc. And if you are a child do not consume media that's not made for you. Fanfic authors are not responsible for your inability to read tags. If they want to write pwp (with or without the plot) and you feel uncomfy bc you are a child and description of sex should make you uncomfortable DON'T READ IT. If you are 14 your understanding of adults is not complete, because you aren't one. You can't know. But if I, an adult, wants to write a lie low at lupins where two other adults take out their frustration by having angry sex after a shouting match of insults and low blows well, Im bloody hell writing it and won't be made feel bad about it.

sugar pop!!! this entire rant is LEGIT SO FUCKING ON POINT!!! truly ✨sexy as fuck✨ and i LOVE IT!!!

ok so first off THIS POST by @eyra is just amazing and that angel is so much more eloquent and so much smarter and more precise than I could ever be so if you have not read that, plz do so immediately!!

but off to give my too sense khdujfdykhfjjgh

I think you were specifically talking about my tags about how I was just indifferent about ATYD and then began actively disliking it because of the fucking TikTok feed! Like literally, folks began using ATYD as a replacement in tags for like marauders and shit, and that was INSANE to me!! And like this is absolutely no hate to the author because I’m sure they are lovely, and they should obviously be so fucking proud of what they wrote and how huge it is, but JFC I hate it when folks find one FIC to latch onto and pretend this is the end all be all for FICs written for marauders era, this was way before my time, but I’ve been told countless times over that this was basically what happened when The Shoebox Project came out, and it’s just maddening to me!! Like ppl taking characterizations from a specific FIC and pretending this is the holy grail, only valid thing??? Like fuck off, no! And it’s also pretty obvious, and I’m sure the author wouldn’t be insulted by this, but ATYD feels very inspired by the movie versions of the marauders we got, and I just simply don’t vibe with those sort of personifications rip.

But this expounds further, like you highlighted in your ask.

TIKTOK COMMENTARY IS SO FUCKING BLACK AND WHITE AND IT MAKES ME INSANE!!!! It feels so ingenuous and phony, and like so many of these folks are in some sort of “woke olympics” or some shit. And listen, this has nothing to do with fucking representation so don’t bring that into my inbox. I’m literally a neurodivergent, pansexual, brown girl— Trust and believe I love all different representation e get and absolutely crave it to a tee. The problem comes when folks begin vilifying others for “problematic” things they write, as if topics like such haven’t been written FOR CENTURIES! and haven’t been explored countless times in traditional media, so yes, Fanfic can both be a valid form of media while also being just a way for some people to get out some practice or whatever the fuck else. Also you don’t know what the fuck trauma people have been through, and I know if I wrote about my experiences, I absolutely will not be validating them by giving you guys my sorted history or what the fuck else, that shit is for me and my future therapist lmfao.

I think we all have no gos, and I think we all know the large ones that I personally am thinking of, so I won’t name them here, but like I’m not going to go into someones comments section or their Tumblr inbox and yell at them for it, hell, I probably won’t even subtweet about it unless it’s mad vague, I keep that shit in the DMs, like a fucking decent human being— and this does not include a server of 100s of folks, becs that’s still shitty, and I know as a Admin for my own server, I’ve had to scold folks for shit talking certain FICs in RWRB and told them to keep it in the DMs, even if I agree completely with what they’re saying. 

However, I’ll include the caveat that it’s really, really important to listen to people in those actual communities, like queer folk or people of color, who find portrayals problematic. Like they absolutely do not owe it to us to speak their minds, but when they do, we HAVE TO LISTEN. But I’m going on a tangent, I think my main point here is that…

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!! 

That’s the flat out truth, and if shit like toxic relationships or sexual writings, or whatever the fuck else isn’t your cup of  tea, yuh mood. Hell, we probably agree, but why are you out here making a TikTok scolding this characterization or trope or whatever??? As if a majority of us aren’t above 18 and like writing and reading about sex BECAUSE THAT’S A PART OF ADULT LIFE— unless of course you are on the Ace spectrum, then you of course are completely valid for not caring for it.

Just, listen . AO3 is miraculous for a lot of things, but their tagging system is absolutely fucking incredible. Folks are out there giving their entire triggers list in the tags, and in the rating, and if not, I will bet my bottom dollar that they talk about it in the Notes section before the FIC, so it’s on you to fucking read it and understand what your getting into. The only responsibility a writer has is to warn you in those sections, LEGIT THAT’S ALL THEY HAVE TO DO!! And like listen, when I was a wee ten year old trying to read FIC, I was stuck with fucking FF net and read shit I definitely shouldn’t have been reading becs I wasn’t lucky enough to have AO3 and all of the ways it protects and warns minors. 

Okay, I’m not sure where exactly I’m going with this, but this was a good way to let off some steam tbh lakfsdjlkgjaeoighklsdg so thank you Nonny!!!

And if you write this angry sex LLAL FIC PLEASE FUCKING HIT ME  UP!!! That’s the shit my angst ridden mind loves to see!!! This is why first war era is my absolute favorite thing! Because we can still get these moments of fluff and light heartedness, amidst all the mistrust and pain and the way that a heart wrenching sort of love spills across all of it, ugh it’s so good!!! Awful for my emotions, but SO FUCKING GOOD!!! bahahaha 

[retvenkos]

not asking you who you'd ship me with in the grishaverse because at this point everyone on tumblr knows the answer to that probably (though any chance of getting more of your wonderfully divine headcanons about matthias & I is a chance I gleefully take), but since you are shipping everyone I have to tell you that I've been thinking about Mal & you together for a little while. I just see it so clearly??

I think you'd have a relationship quite like Alina and Mal's, except healthier and less dramatic lol. but Mal is the epitome of friends to lovers and to me you embody exactly that. you're not the unbridled fury that enemies to lovers can be nor the bittersweet inevitability of soulmates, but really this idea of familiarity and comfort that you only unlock after spending a lot of time with a person, probably in childhood. Mal would represent exactly that to you: home, family, and love, and you're not really sure how or when you realize that it's not the same love you used to feel at Keramzin, that your feelings have shifted in the most terrifying yet beautiful way, but they have.

so in this scenario if you are Grisha, you get tested and your powers found out and you get sent to the Little Palace and your goodbyes with Mal are probably the most tearful moment Ravka has ever seen. You're holding on to Mal for dear life because he's really your family and you don't want to leave him behind, they're taking you to an unknown place without him, and you're so scared - but Mal tries to hold it all together because he has to be strong for you, and promises he will write to you every day and you will never truly be separated because he'll find you when he's older and strong.

(as soon as the carriage leaves he locks himself in the dormitory and cries all evening on his bed because your absence is so loud in these silent halls)

Inevitably years pass as you continue your training and Mal's letters become more scarce - sometimes you're the one who forgets to reply for a whole month, sometimes it's him - until you're not in touch anymore but you don't forget him, you never do, and you dream of him so often and all the words you wish you could tell him but never got the courage to

Until one day, almost a decade later, he is received at the Grand Palace for a particularly triumphant feat of his (Mal, always the hero) and the King wants to meet the First army soldier everyone is talking about, and you happen to run into him as he's trying to find his way to the audience room (because how stupidly huge are these Os Alta palaces, really?) And you literally can't believe your eyes.

so you'd be getting the childhood friends to lovers reunited after losing contact for many years which is TOP TIER romance

and Mal has changed obviously but not so much, and so have you; and he's taken aback by your beauty in your purple Kefta, and suddenly all the petty and insulting stereotypes about the Second Army he used to joke about with his regiment friends leave his mind because Saints - who needs a Sun Summoner when you're glowing like all the stars in the sky?

you'd quickly fall back into your common habits because they never left you, they're second nature at this point - Mal has basically forged your personality from the youngest age and you have his, and you fit together so perfectly

he'd be assigned to a more permanent post in Os Alta thanks to his prowesses in battle, maybe as the King's personal guard, meaning you'd get to spend so much time together

People would raise eyebrows at the sight of a couple between the two rival armies, but you don't care one bit - your love for Mal runs in your blood much deeper than arbitrary oppositions based on foolish pride.

If you're not Grisha, I don't think you'd join the First Army; war is probably not for you. I think your paths would separate too when he joins the Army and you leave the orphanage with what little money you saved over the years (sneaking out of Keramzin and reciting or singing your poems on the streets for a little bit of coin, or selling the meat and fur Mal would hunt for you) to move to a bigger city and try to do something with your life. You could be an artisan, or another kind of shopkeep! I can see you being manually gifted and creative, so you'd probably have an artsy business in the capital, like pottery or tapestry or painting on porcelain or something of the sort

and once again Mal is called to Os Alta probably for the same reasons - he just can't help distinguishing himself in combat, can he? - and he steps into your shop by total chance, and he's like. Olive???? Since when do you do sculptures???? And you're like. Malyen Oretsev???? Since when are you taller than me????

(Though the sculpture part doesn't surprise him that much, because you were always so creative and gifted in the arts, and he's always admired you so much for it.)

(But the TALL part??? ok, you are short, but you left him when he was like, thirteen and he was Not That Tall. how can your forever friend have grown that tall so fast???)

And so you ALSO get the long-lost childhood friends rekindle and fall back in love trope because my heart goes mushy for it ❤

your dynamic would be on point, because Mal knows you better than anyone and so he can read you like an open book. Either when he needs to find the teasing comment that will get you all riled up, or when he senses your discomfort or sadness and has to find the words to cheer you up.

You'd just make so many sweet memories with Mal, and he'd be down for every single thing you want to do as long as he gets to spend time with you. Want to be rambunctious on the streets of Os Alta and pull pranks on passerbys like you are 8 again? Yep, can totally do that. Feel like breathing in the fresh air of the wilderness and getting out of town to see a beautiful sunset, like you would in Keramzin? Of course! Just want to chill together doing your own thing and relishing in each other's presence? Absolutely.

he loves when you read to him, whether that be a book you own or a story straight from your imagination that you just wrote, and he's absolutely mesmerized by your voice and how much emotion you put in it. (though he can't help himself from making little jokes every now and then or trying to guess what will happen next in the story because he's what my mom calls a Culo Inquieto™)

you'd generally be such a cute couple who never lost that mischievous but oh so comforting and familiar spark from when you were kids, and is willing to stay with the other through thick and thin. you've found your other half in each other and I'm so soft for that. 💜💜

sorry I rambled but I just think that idea is so cute and you deserve a ship! (also, don't even get me started on the Chaos BFF Duo you would make with Jesper...) my head is killing me so I won't write any more but just know I hold this ship in extremely high regard. <3

clara, i will have you know i waited until i got ice cream in order to read this, because i knew it would be an experience™ and now, i,,, 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i'm so goddamn soft, how dare you make me yearn????

you mean to tell me you came up with all of this... for me? you think of ships for me??? how—how dare? how dare you be such a good friend, to the point where i am baffled by your kindness??? how dare you be this thoughtful and poetic,,,,,,, and just, big brained, ma'am.

because all of this is so perfect!!!! ohmygod i'm soft. i'm in love. everytime you write a ship or fanfic, i sincerely wish i was a romantic like you so i could have a proclivity toward fathoming such soft romantic scenes,,,,, you, clara, know how to do a ship™.

(also, i have to say i love the childhood friends torn apart, only to come back together,,,, it has laughter lines by bastille energy,,,, listen to this song and tell me it doesn’t have the same vibes that that very specific and heartwarming trope,,,)

but, since you gave me such a beautiful gift, and since i would do anything for you, here are some more headcanons for you and matthias:

first of all, i think that you and matthias would spend a lot of time finding the beauty in small things. i think that it would be good for him, since he’s reevaluating who he is and his place in this grand world, and i think since you’re a romantic, small things would be important to you both.

— for example, you guys definitely star gaze together. it’s hard, since you are in ketterdam and the smoke is impossible to see through, but maybe you guys leave ketterdam for a while, and you spend a lot of time looking up at the stars. matthias loves to learn about everything you know, and repositioning himself underneath the sky is a good start to figuring out who he is. 

— you also like to sit by the water and talk. there’s something about the water that pulls memories from you both. matthias talks about what it was like, far away, in his little village before the drüskelle. (i get the feeling his dad was a fisherman or something,,,, the vibes are there), and you get to talk about people you once knew, dreams you once had. point is, you do a lot of talking - swapping stories and hopes.

— oh! another idea i can’t get out if my head is that matthias asks you so many questions. i feel like it’s a sign of real love and trust, when matthias starts asking you questions, because you have to be like,,, level 50 in order for matthias to admit weaknesses, and one of his biggest is that there’s so much he just doesn’t know. i think you also get really good at just,,,, telling him stuff so that he doesn’t have to ask, and he really just appreciates it.

i also just love the idea of matthias giving you to strongest hugs, or tbh, just holding you, and it’s all because he’s the big, strong one™! you know he’s got a protector complex, so that kind of feeds into his hugs,,, just that intense need to protect you, but also, he’s deathly terrified of losing another person he cares about, so he clings. (but only when you’re alone. the drüskelle in him is too Proud, but if you hang onto him in public,,,, he’s not complaining, just getting used to it)

okay, but i got a little bit ahead of myself, because i didn’t even talk about when you guys first meet, and the whole dynamic that is that™

— so, clearly, you are bffs with nina, whether your a grisha or not, and since i want fluff oNLY we’re just going to pretend like helnik didn’t happen,,,,,, they’re just friends. anyway, she’s the first one to pick up on your feelings for matthias because a) heartrender, and b) you two are the best of friends, and she just knows.

— and so you know a lot of teasing ensues, and almost everyone gets in on it and constantly makes jokes about you and matthias,,,, sometimes while he’s right. there. you’re Mortified But Coping™ and you can’t imagine what is going on through matthias’ head, because there’s no way he can feel the same, right?

— wRONG, we’re all idiots when we’re in love, and no one is more of an idiot than matthias. he is definitely ~soft~ for you but refuses to let it show because (1) the dregs are crass and he doesn’t want to give them fodder, and (2) you seem very uncomfortable about this whole thing, and he doesn’t want to make it worse

after some time, the teasing dies down, because both of you are too boring to tease. it would be funny if one of you freaked out, but you’re just,,,, suffering in silence. boring. and besides, inej and kaz are way more funny to tease. have you seen the murder in both of their eyes whenever you mention anything??? scary, but golden.

for the most part, the jokes die off, and i think after the jokes stop, you and matthias become much more comfortable with one another, and it leads to so! many! good! moments! 

— did i ever tell you matthias is in love with your stupid humor? your enchanting laughter? you’re so infectiously light and it makes him feel like he’s walking on clouds or something,,,,, he’s enchanted by you, but doesn’t have the words to explain it. 

— you know he remembers all of the little things his dad used to say about his mom,,,, and he feels all of that awed respect and soft warmth for you, but what to do with it???? he can’t really remember what his parents would do - it’s been so long and cold without them, but he tries to remember, and it’s the little things he does. he’ll tell you something really sweet in fjerdan and you’re just like ??? but it doesn’t translate super well, so you’re just left with the way he said it, and it means the world (plus, if you really get the courage, you can ask nina to explain it,,,, fair warning though, she scoffs at it every time. because it’s fjerda, alright?)

— you definitely end up reading him some poetry. it’s all under the guise of him ‘learning about the beauty in other cultures’ but really, it’s just an excuse to read him romantic shu poetry (they really know how to do it, let me tell you). and you also end up telling him stories about your childhood and your life, and he finds your rambling so adorable. especially since he has seen your work on paper! he finds it so sweet that your mind is so full of life that it wants to go everywhere at once, and experience every possible detail.

— you definitely end up showing matthias his way around ketterdam, and he keeps all of your hastily drawn maps, and whenever he goes past a street corner, he remembers the way your eyes sparkled in the light of the streetlamps.

i definitely have the feeling that you confess your feelings first. matthias has been trying to get the courage to do it, but he just can’t, and one day you tell him late at night - when, for just a moment, the world is still and quiet, and you can’t hold in all that warmth in your chest. you’re a little shy about it, but so is he, and when he hears you confess, all he can do is smile, because you have all of the confidence and strength he wishes he had. and all that courage laced in his chest, he’s learned it from you.

that’s ll i got for now, but i believe in clara x matthais supremacy.

[anti-anti-stevinel]

What the fuck is the deal with "ankle-beez"? They seem to be the biggest Steven Universe blog around. Every other SU blog I know (even the world's only proshipper Connverse normie, picturejasper20) reblogs from them.

They're also the world's biggest hypocrite.

They make analysis posts about the real message of SU, about love and forgiveness, against revenge and that sort of stuff.

At the same time, they are a hardcore anti-shipper bully.

They sent me gore and death threats last year when I was 17, for shipping Stevinel. Said "yer a pedo kill yerself!!11" (okay, that's paraphrased).

What's wrong with Stevinel?

Is it that Steven is "a minuh and not ready for sexual relationships"? Then, why is Connie, a human fourteen-year-old in-universe, ready for sexual relationships when it's with Steven? Why is Steven ready for it with Connie?

This leads me to believe it's the stated "aGe GaP!!11". In that case, Greg/Rose, which ankle-beez likes, is child rape (he wuz twenty an she wuz twentythousand!) That's fucking stupid. Kataang and Bubbline are "child rape" too, by those standards. Stating an exaggerated number next to a supernatural, non-aging, cartoon character does not child rape make. Is Katara a "necrophile" for having kids with Aang, a so-called "hundred-and-forty-something-year-old" character? Because 140-year-old men are all known to be dead? Is everyone who's read the Bible a Child Rapist™️, because the eternal, ageless God impregnated the thirteen-year-old Virgin Mary, as part of the biblical canon leading to the birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ?

Also, by the same fucking stupid standards they use to call Spinel an "aDulT", Steven is one too. Gems don't fucking age. They're robots. If I have a 200-year-old baby doll, it's still a baby doll. Dolls don't age. Since Steven's gemstone (and with it, Pink's/his memories) has been around for 20000 years, he is "an adult", an "elderly man".

That brings me to the next point: one cannot "ship pedophilia". I wish I could "ship" mental disorders. I wish my autism, ADHD, OCD, Tourette's, depression and paranoia were as simple as fictional "ships".

More or less, "pedo" hysteria is NOT about protecting chilluns. When a child is murdered, nobody bats an eye. When child-on-child sexual abuse occurs, the same applies. Also, when an adult is raped. It's not about healing sexually abused children, or preventing rape. When adult-on-child sexual abuse occurs, the emphasis in media is never about helping the kid. It's always about torturing and murdering the "pedo" (sexual abuser). Basically, because nobody cares when there's no "pedo" to punish, it's not about protecting children, it's about hating people with mental disorders. Apparently, because I turned 18 two days ago, I lose my human right not to be raped.

What "paedophilia" actually is, is a mental disorder characterised by a greater level of arousal towards prepubescent individuals to pubescent ones. You cannot support or oppose it - you cannot be convicted for it or commit it - it's a disorder. Something you're pretty much born with and can't change. Conflating it with rape is like conflating "schizophrenia" with serial murder. While schizophrenic individuals have a higher murder risk compared to the general population, nobody ever says "commit schizophrenia" when talking about murder.

Fandom discourse is not a PhD. You cannot diagnose me with a disorder from the DSM-5 for writing the wrong fanfiction. You cannot convict me of a crime for it, either.

The most common anti argument that fanfic/hentai/whatever "encourages pedophilia". You cannot encourage a disorder. I will not magically sprout mental illness from reading fanfic. If you mean it ""encourages child rape"", if I were to rape someone, I could not blame reading a fanfic. Rape is caused by far deeper issues than having read a stupid fanfic.

Rick/Morty is canon in the multiverse, and Morty is a fictional teenager (who wishes incest porn had more mainstream appeal) with Rick, his equally fictional grandfather. So, who is raped by this? Nobody. Again, if you rape someone, you can't say Rick x Morty incest fanfic made you do it.

ALL ships are fine. Even stupid shit like Rick/Morty. Stevinel, though, isn't even of that kind. It's literally no worse than Bubbline, Kataang and Gregrose, all of which are canon to their shows.

So, what is it? "She """tried""" to kill him"? Strange. When Steven lets his shield down, Spinel could just blow him to fucking bits with that city-sized, injector-smashing fist of hers. She doesn't. SU's definition of "try" means "stop yourself". "Try" suggests someone else has to stop you with force, and that didn't happen, in which case, Steven "tried" to kill Greg in Mr. Universe, White (and with her, every Gem) in Homeworld Bound, and Connie in Buddle Buddies and every episode where he gets Connie into fights, and, and EVERYONE in Laser Light Cannon, Little Graduation and I am My Monster. He also "actually murdered" Jasper in Fragments by the standards (mind you, shattering isn't lethal and the Diamonds did nothing wrong).

Anti-shippers have implanted this stupid idea that non-aging things age as humans into my head. The idea is there to virtue-signal against MUH EBIL PEEDOUGHS. Now, I have paranoid thoughts about being a child rapist when I cuddle naked with a pillow that's been manufactured one year ago. Pillows don't age. But, in antis' heads, they do.

Why am I supposed to think of Spinel as an elderly woman? The character who is shorter, less mature and higher-pitched than Steven, sobs like a baby, plays peekaboo and gets adopted at the end of the movie?

It just disturbs me, honestly, how anklebeez can understand the show's message against violence and for healing, while literally murdering real children (and adults) for the rights of fictional ones, by bullying into suicide.

Why are they so popular? Anyway, I accidentally got carried away and wrote a masterpost when I meant for a quick ask. Hope you appreciate it.

Also, what determines whether a cartoon character is okay to "sexualise" or not?

Stated number? Then I can draw a stickman with a dick, then write the number 15 next to him, then you're a Child Rapist™️ for having looked at the image?

Height? Then is why is R34 of Madeline from Celeste, Sans and Amethyst, okay, when it's not okay for Steven and Hat Kid?

The word "kid"? Then, kill any teenager with a crush on a cartoon of Kid Cudi, I guess?

Don't harass ankle-beez. It's not worth it. Revenge is pointless. Never, though, have I been so confused by someone's self-contradictions.

Seriously.

Wow, this is huge, I didn’t know they allowed asks to get this long now, lol.

Um, but no comment on all of this since it’s just a rant, lol. But I don’t disagree.

[elmidol]

PSA: Being Damaged Doesn’t Excuse Hurting Others

For the longest time I said nothing at all in regards to the harassment and stalking I received by an author I met in person. To my knowledge they have left the fandom, however maybe they just changed their penname. Seeing the post by @wayward-rose​ and the rest who were wronged by Mrs. Z and the reactions from others who have been uncomfortable with her behavior, it sort of made me reevaluate things. Not only the behavior of the author who wronged me, but my own actions subsequent to this. The excuse given by Mrs. Z in regards to multiple hate asks and such have led to her reactions… I get it but I do not condone it. For so long I did not name the author save to a few friends. Some know the author’s name solely because I have since admitted that it was the former co-author of the “This Isn’t In My Programming” fic that was discontinued. I’ve been asked even recently for the author’s name as well as what exactly happened.

This may be long-winded, I don’t know. I am not excusing negative behavior from my end on here that I will be disclosing. This is, in a way, something I should have spoken about much sooner. When certain readers at the time could tell there was an extreme difference in my attitude. Where I became very intolerant of some things. This is how I was not completely the victim, but at times the one in the wrong. And it is due to my experience that I can understand some of Mrs. Z’s bitterness but not her acceptance of it and the argument that she is in the right. This is not making it about me either. This is at last coming forward after having been asked to do so for close to two years.

 The author, MeganD1, and I met in person a few times. We had connected over instagram, and after she learned we lived in neighboring states she had said it would be cool to meet. I agreed but was not quite ready. She persisted. Pushed. I agreed. Upon agreeing, she had posted on her fandom instagram that she was meeting me along with the location of where I lived. I told her I was NOT okay with that. She deleted, apologized, but also said she did not know why it was a big deal. I let that slide since she had deleted it. During that first meeting, we had a great time. I told her how one of my favorite Lucasfilm artists, Eric Maell, had reached out to me one time when I was going through a very rough period. It had meant the world. I told Megan of my dream to meet him one day at a convention. She hadn’t known the artists aside from one piece he had done. She had had no interest in him.

 While together, we went shopping at a mall and talked. She did admit to contacting me to begin with because I had been one of the bigger author names for Kylo/Reader and Hux/Reader fics at the time. She also admitted to talking shit about me with another author. And I regret not listening to those warning bells. Megan and I discussed triggers and tropes in fanfics (which we did again on our second meeting). We had fun.

 The second time she visited, I had invited her and she stayed a few days at my house. We again went shopping and also sat down at a restaurant to talk. I opened up about my sexual assault to her. It was the first time I had spoken about details to someone in person like that. I kept having to look away from her face. I felt ashamed. I was shaking a bit. Trying to not panic. I thought it was a relief, believed she was understanding.

 We went to my house afterwards. On the way, Megan told me some plans she had for a fic of hers that she was writing and I was reading. I mentioned having triggers with those issues. So she elaborated on it, explained it differently. There was 0 way I'd have known that it was going to trigger me as it did. I'd NEVER been triggered like that. this was after she had gone back home. That’s what I’ll touch upon in a minute. We watched The Office together. Pitched the idea to co-write a story, and that is how This Isn’t In My Programming was born. Side note that during her visiting, I have endometriosis so have issues with that. I was doubled over the entire time but learned later it was due to having colitis; she did not help at all, so I essentially took out all her trash, took all her dishes, had to cook for her..which some of this is fine. I'm willing to do it. But being literally doubled over....it was a sore thing that I didn't address with her until later

 Fast forward to her returning home, writing the chapter, and posting it. Okay so I was triggered by the scene, privately told her on chat in instagram that she needed to include a trigger warning because it was a pretty intense scene and also told her that I couldn't read the fic anymore. Which I didn't think was an issue since she had stopped reading mine for similar reasons or else because she just didn't like them. She reacted by posting an a/n on her fic stating how she never meant to offend anyone, how she should give up writing. She didn't mention my name but basically got a ton of the readers to shittalk me for being triggered. It was one of the most hurtful and fucked up things for me. To read those comments from people who read my fics, who chatted with me. Talking about me like that; and me wondering if they would still believe that if they knew all the details. So here is where some bitterness and resentment started in me. Why some of my notes became venomous and hard.

 It was not okay for me to say certain things, to bash others. It was hypocritical. So this is where I understand Mrs. Z when she says that about the hate comments. But we’re adults and should take that step back. I regret many of the things I said. Which, again, I will get to in a bit.

 Megan posted on her fandom ig and personal ig how she was going to delete her ig. Told me in chat how she was going to give up writing. Where I was begging her to not, telling her I did love her writing, I just couldn't read this specific fic. Mind you, during the panic attack I was in the bathroom on the floor with a towel shoved into my mouth and screaming and crying. Struggling to breathe. I had my phone with me and was chatting with Juulna between breaths when I could. She was trying to help me calm, to get me through it. I didn’t share that with Megan because I had not wanted her to feel so bad. I did not give her the details of my panic attack, but she still reacted so severely.

 When she calmed down, I tried to get her to understand why that had hurt me. She couldn't understand so I said that we should end communications. She said she was open to discussing things if I felt differently. So I thought on it and wrote up an email explaining how she had hurt me and also my part in having let a few emotions fester such as not addressing her behavior when I was doubled over in pain.  I am going to show the email. There is a name of another author that will be omitted. First I have to speak of another thing, how MeganD1 would tell me in chat how she wished she had endometriosis or something else to better understand others. I did not know at the time that she was asking Juulna for information on my health conditions and playing it off as someone else. This Juulna and I pieced together after the post-stalking fic got put on ao3 by putting together portions of conversation with keywords/phrases/situations. So this alone was a violation to me. Especially with how open I am about my conditions because I want to spread awareness. I’m mentioning this behavior since it is addressed in the email.

She countered by saying she could never put herself in my shoes for being triggered because she is an only child, doesn't have to "wait to buy things when they're on sale" (due to my medical conditions, I live with my parents and can't hold a job). Threw my family dynamics at me. Then started to go through how she was bullied since a young age. And it isn't like I didn't empathize. I thanked her for being honest with me. I’m going to show a small portion here that does not include her personal information or anything like that.

So a disclaimer that the only people I have directly told I cannot continue reading their fic are friends with whom I chat with off of ao3 and largely due to them asking me what I think of the latest chapter. Otherwise I wouldn’t say a thing. They, likewise, have done the same with me. I thought it was so we could respect boundaries/triggers and support one another with other fics we could read. Cheering them on with those we can’t. I have worked on this since everything happened. I’m not perfect. Back to the issue...

After this email and taking time to digest it, I restated my position that we were parting ways.

Not long later I went onto the Kylo/Reader page and a summary of a new fic caught my eye. That was my hometown. That was not a Star Wars planet being named. Those tags were all my triggers and some of them were things she had openly bashed to my face. I had another panic attack, this one where I called up Juulna to talk in with voice. She couldn’t even understand me.Nor could my mother, who had heard me from downstairs and came up to check on me. I couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop feeling so violated and like the biggest fucking idiot for ever trusting her. I opened the fic because I was in doubt. But it was there. Details that others wouldn’t catch but that I did. She has since deleted the fic and even admitted that she did it to spite me. But this was the fic that changed so much. That made it to where I could not go onto the Kylo/Reader page for years.

This was the fic that prompted me to make a note on instagram a few times bashing people who romanticize rape and other triggering content. Where I stated if someone read those fics they were disgusting and I didn’t want them near me. So can I understand Mrs. Z being harsh? I fucking can, but it does not make it right just like my notes were not right and I deleted them. I reached out to a few people and apologized for them too.

This is the fic where when @kylosbrickhousebody​ mentioned I inspired them with Three Blind Tooke to write Mercurial...this is the fic that made me think it was a sick joke that they mentioned me. Why I thought it was malicious. I hadn’t known her, and I did apologize to her for my accusations. She understood where I was coming from when I told her why I thought that. Understood but equally held me accountable for my reaction. That I lashed out instead of coming to her. Because, at the end of the day, I AM accountable for MY actions. Even if we can empathize with them, it does NOT make them right.

I’ve been asked why I didn’t report the fic by MeganD1 to ao3. I was fucking terrified. I was scared to admit that this was me, that that was my home. I was scared they wouldn’t believe me. I was dealing with my sexual assault, dealing with the fact that I was in denial over it in part because I’d been told to “get over it”. Dealing with the colitis and an impending hysterectomy. My Grammy’s recently diagnosed breast cancer. I was so broken down with hurt and fear. I just watched the comments and kudos roll in for a fic that violated me to the core. I let the resentment build. And how was that fair to any of the individuals who would have avoided it if they had known what the fuck it was about?

While she was updating the fic, MeganD1 was also cyberstalking me on instagram, possibly tumblr as well. I privated my personal account from her. My fandom account I knew she was stalking with hers because she accidentally liked then unliked things. She had multiple accounts. Then she would view my story posts. I am guilty of checking on her fandom account once or twice, and she had made vague references to me in her captions. I deleted that fandom account. Made a new one. Followed my favorite Lucasfilm artist. Suddenly she was commenting on his posts. Talking about how much fun she had meeting him at a convention. My fucking dream that she stole with an artist she didn’t care about until I had mentioned him. I’ve never been able to go onto his page since. She found me though. Found that new account...so after months of not being stalked it started up. I deleted that fandom account. I stopped participating much at all.

The point is that throughout all of this, I was still and am still accountable for my own actions, for how I respond to others. I still get hate comments on fics. Do i want to lash out? Yeah. But I don’t. Sometimes I can take that step back and just ignore it. Other times I reach out to a friend for advice. Because no matter what, no matter just how bad things are, there are behaviors that are absolutely inexcusable. It doesn’t matter how hurt or broken we are. Saying something that hurts and possibly breaks someone else doesn’t fix anything. It creates more chaos. And I know that I hurt some readers I no longer interact with. Some who didn’t and don’t know any of this behind the scenes stuff. My hurt, however, does not justify hurting them.

So with the bravery of @wayward-rose​ and @callmehopeless​ and so many others, and with those who reached out and asked to hear what happened to me... I’m answering what happened to the best of my ability. While also, I hope, showing that those who empathize with Mrs. Z, it’s not bad to work to understand her hurt at times when she receives shit in her inbox. But that cannot and should not ever justify her hurting others. Especially when she then sits back and is PROUD of doing that.

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

[ghost-btch]

He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter One: Phoenix)

Prologue was posted right before this on my blog. I would link it but I'm scared it won't show up in the tags if I do.

Rating: literally for everyone lol

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 1.6k

Author's note: You can read this also on wattpad, @/raineyC4. I may update quicker on there then here so go check it out on there aswell. This is my first Tumblr Fanfic so this is quite exciting, though I've been making stories on wattpad since 2016. Anyways enjoy the story!!

*******************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

   The blue-eyed blonde singer stood right off stage. Her show would start in a few minutes. She was incredibly nervous, like always. She's done this for years but the anxiety is always there. But as clique as it sounds, every time she steps on stage that feeling fades away. She shook herself and prepared to walk on. Then before she knew it, it was her que to walk on.

The big screen on the back "wall" was flashing in black and white, then red "Phoenix". It glitching as it did so to the beat of the song.

That song was ...Ready For It? by Taylor Swift. Phoenix only had about 10 songs of her own out so she did a lot of covers.

"Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him..." Phoenix began to sing trying not to smile to create an effect.

As she sang she danced around the "T" shaped stage to the song. It seemed be choreographed but really she just made them up as she went. She was a true performer.

She wore a black body suite much like Taylor Swift wore during her preformce of the song. But it had more of shorts at the bottom. And it had a few red sparkles. Her hair was slightly curled and she wore crimson red lipstick. Her reddish boots went up to her knees.

When the song came to an end the next song, I Did Something Bad, started to play.

Phoenix loved to preform this song more then even her own songs. She had managed to learn Taylor Swift's original choreography to the song from watching the AMAs preformce over and over again. It was a dramatic performance and Phoenix loved it for that exact reason.

When she finished she was at the very end if the "T" stage in the middle. She laughed and smiled like an idiot looking over the crowd. And starring back at her where around what seemed a thousand people.

"Oh my God! I can't- I can't believe this is my life! Y'all have no idea how much I've dreamed and wished for the chance to do this. I love each and every one of y'all for being here. Whether you wanted to, weather you were bored and went to the nearest concert just because, or you were dragged here by someone else. Just thank you and I hope you guys like the show so far! You seem to be, but are you?" the crowd screamed, "Okay I'm gonna take that as a yes. Anyways she next song's called 'Don't Blame Me' and oh I'm Phoenix!" Phoenix said into the mic.

****

When the song finished she was back in the place she started. A trap "door" under her lowered her to under the stage. There she had to quickly change into the next costume while the ending music of "Don't Blame Me" played to the crowd.

While this happened a red piano was rolled out onto the stage. Phoenix walked out wearing a red sequined top with a red skirt that went to her knees.

She sat down on the little bench and started to play a few keys, "So this I wrote a while back when I was in middle school. I had this friend who I'd geek out with. Eventually I realized I liked him. After awhile I couldn't take it anymore and told him in a note that I practically threw at him out of nerves," she laughed at this, "Then after about a week he gave me a small piece of paper that read 'sorry I just want to be friends'. I was devastated of course, but I just hoped nothing would change. Oh how I was wrong. He never spoke to me again. Here's a song I wrote about a year later."

She proceeded to sing a song called "Let Things Go". It was written so long ago, and she was definitely, definitely, over the kid. But she every time she sang it she felt as if it was a new scar. 'Guess scars don't really ever go away?' She thought one day.

As soon as it finished she started to play another Taylor song, The Moment I Knew.

It of course started on the piano, but when it came to the chorus she stood up. And after the chorus she walked around the stage almost acting out the lyrics.

During the bridge Phoenix looked out into the crowd almost crying as the lyrics said it too.

As it finished ahead gave a soft smile. Just two years ago in her 20th birthday this song became so real for her. She wasn't quite over this scar yet.

She walked back to the piano and when she walked out from behind it she was no longer wearing the skirt, but now a pair of black shorts.

She then jumped up onto the piano and sat on it, her legs dangling off. The music of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together started to play.

She began singing while still sitting until the "What?" part and acted out the song the rest of the song. Phoenix always had the most fun singing this song, it never got old. And by the end she was sat back on the piano.

"Liked that little costume changed?" Phoenix laughed as the crowd cheered.

She hoped off the piano, "So I was wondering if it was okay for me to do a little something different now? I won't be able to run around though, so there's a negative. But I really think you're gonna lie the positive! Just give me a second, I'll be right back."

She scampered off stage and when she walked back on she held a red guitar in her hands. She walked up to the microphone stand in the middle of the stage right before it extended out.

"So uhh, surprise!" Phoenix said into the mic smiling.

"So how about I play my guitar here for a few songs? I'll take that as a yes. So this first one is an old one. It's from an old Disney show called Hannah Montana. It was definitely my favorite TV show and this was one if my favorite songs. Never thought that eventually I'd laugh at a few lyrics because of someone. No I'm not saying who, though most of y'all probably already know. Anyways hears a song called 'He Could Be The One'!"

"Smooth talkin', so rockin'

He's got everything that a girl's wantin'

Guitar cutie, he plays it groovy

And I can't keep myself from doin' somethin' stupid..." she sang smiling at a few certain lyrics.

The girl completely jammed out to the song like there was no tomorrow. Running around in that one area when she wasn't singing. Yep definitely a performer.

"Well that was fun!" Phoenix laughed.

"Well I think it's time for one where I know y'all will have fun aswell." She said as she started to play "She's Kinda Hot" by 5 Seconds of Summer.

"Surprise!" She said right before singing.

But there was one thing that the girl had yet to find out. It was that, that very band stood only a few yards ahead of her.

The boys were just all hanging out in L.A. with nothing to do. Ashton suggest that they should just go to the nearest concert because why not? So they did. Now they stood towards the back kinda freaking out because someone was singing there song.

Then at the end of the song the music faded into "Babylon", another favorite of the blue-eyed singer.

The girl had so much fun playing this song and the audience loved it. Even the people who didn't know the original singers they still acted as if they did.

****

Phoenix changed into ripped back pants and a while shirt to sing the next few songs, all if which being her's.

Falling For You- a song revealed to be about fictional/celebrity crushes

Me- a song about her excepting who she really is

My Story- a song about her childhood and teenage years

We Don't Care About Anyone Else- a song she wrote about her friends and her, and the fact that they know they're weird but totally okay with that

After adding a leather jacket to the mix she also sang a song by Bea Miller called "We're Taking Over".

****

The last part of the concert was all the songs Phoenix felt was the funniest to sing/dance to.

Blank Space- making sure to point her tattoo of "Darling I'm A Nightmare, Dressed Like A Daydream" during that part.

New Romantics

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Then it came to almost a close:

"Well I'm sorry to say but this is the last song of the night. Thanks to all of you, you've made this a night to remember. And I hope that I was able to make you as happy as you've made me! This last song was my first single I put out. I've always been so proud of it and promised to sing it every show. It's about how my life was back in school, to what I'd hope my life would be, and now it really is. Oh and enjoy the original music video playing on the screen!" Phoenix smiled.

Phoenix danced around and sang like her life depended on it. She never wanted it to end. But unfortunately it did. When she finished she said "Thank you" once more and then ran around the perimeter of the stage to touch as may people's hands as she could. She did a bow and then waved with the biggest smile and went off stage.

~~~~

As the show came to a close the 5SOS boys decided to see if they could surprise the girl they just watch perform. But they had to figure out how to get back stage.

"We don't need another last time something like this happened." One said referring to a certain person.

"Hey!" was Ashton's response.

....

Tag list: @rip-lukes-balsamic @euphoric-swift //just comment if you'd like to be on my tag list//

A/N: try to guess who the person Phoenix likes hehe lol