#it's at least more clever than the frying pan jokes

[steelcityreviews]

REVIEW: HTI’s “Something Rotten!” Proves There’s Nothing as Amazing as a Musical...

Where can you find Bottoms, frying pan yielding bards, musical theatre references that would make the Schmigadoon! writers hang their heads in shame and a tap-dancing battle of wits?

Look no further than Hamilton Theatre Inc, as the company debuts the first production of Something Rotten! for the greater Hamilton/Toronto area. A nerve-wracking venture to say the least and in less capable hands of the production team and cast’s overwhelming enthusiasm for the material, it could have been a scrambled mess. Thankfully, this is not the case and the production, on the whole, is egg-cellent. 

Something Rotten! is the story of two brothers, Nick and Nigel Bottom, both alike in dignity, in the Renaissance, where we lay our scene. Together, they try to create a new play which will allow them fame, fortune and perhaps more than cabbage soup to feast upon. With his life crumbling around him and frustrated with the fame of one William Shakespeare, Nick uses what is left of his savings to visit a soothsayer, Nostradamus, who reveals that the future of popular theatre is something called “a musical.” The Bottom brothers attempt to use the visions of the future to outshine Shakespeare, while simultaneously finding love, chasing their dreams and discovering that the most important thing you can do is be true to yourself.

The book and lyrics are nothing spectacular (on paper) and the story is simple; one we are familiar with. The lyrics are funny and often clever without being too offensive. However, despite the simplicities, the efforts needed to make everything translate successfully are no small feat and that is where this company excels.

Director Monica Cairney is no stranger to The Bard. Her past work in productions across Hamilton has demonstrated a deep understanding and respect for the work of Shakespeare. This is why her directing choices, from casting to staging, pay such a delightful homage to the period as well as the ridiculous amount of musical theatre in-jokes and innuendos throughout. Cairney’s vision is straightforward which allows her cast to be in on the jokes and grants many of them the freedom to play with the material, adding in a few modern jabs at both new musicals and Hamilton Theatre Inc. itself (“$7 for a thimble full of wine?!” Brilliant). Audiences do not have to be fully versed in every musical theatre production out there to understand the humour and intention, though you could tell who in the audience really understood the references by their boisterous and hearty laughter. I was also impressed by Cairney not falling into the common HTI trap of not enough stage for so many cast members. Her staging (which I am certain was aided by choreographer Meredith Busteed) granted very few issues which allowed the audience to really identify the hard-working ensemble members rather than letting anyone fade into the background. 

It is refreshing to see so much new talent grace the stage as well. There is a well-balanced mix of veteran performers and newcomers who all demonstrate great chemistry not only as the characters they play, but as a cohesive company. Unless this is your first HTI show, you will undoubtedly recognize the talents of Dustin Jodway (as the show stopping lead Nick Bottom), Matt Moore (as Nostradamus - who I predicted would be the masterful choice to play this role), Jenn Helsdon (an impressive multi-tasker not only playing the show-opening lead Minstrel and other ensemble roles but also Costuming the entire show), Katlyn Alcock (an endearing and sassy Bea Bottom), Paddy Skinner (showing off his knack for the ridiculous as Shylock) and Devin France (another top notch casting as aspiring playwright and love-struck Nigel Bottom). These performers give it their all and then some from the aforementioned tap-dancing, to beautiful harmonies and solo moments and the ability to land the majority of the musical theatre in-jokes. 

Joining them are newer faces, all who exceeded my expectations in their roles. Mike Lloy as the sleazy, egotistical yet damn charming Shakespeare, Keri Bishop as Portia who absolutely astounded me with her vocal prowess and hilarious chemistry with France and a wonderfully energetic trio of ensemble (Harry Chapman Darlington, Graham Clarke and Oakley Mossop) who prove there are no small parts when it comes to musical theatre. 

Musically, Something Rotten! proves to test everyone vocally. The lyrics, quite often, are rapid fire especially in numbers such as “God, I Hate Shakespeare,” “A Musical,” “It’s Hard to be the Bard” and the jaw-dropping effort needed to perform “Make an Omelette” (which had Saturday night’s audience applauding far longer than the cast anticipated…well deserved!) With such demands on the cast, there were bound to be lyrical flubs, some difficulty hearing lyrics or dialogue over the band, some minor timing issues to keep up with the band and a sense that this sold-out opening weekend put added pressure on all the performers coming off of an intensive tech week. Every single company member deserves praise for their efforts, especially when covering up any missteps with humour and grace. 

Ending HTI’s 64th season with this production as a Hamilton area debut was a risky but advantageous decision. This production of Something Rotten! excels with its chemistry between cast members, beautiful period piece costuming, enthusiastic choreography moments and the entire company who truly understood how to pay homage to musical theatre. Nostradamus was right: there’s nothing as amazing as a musical. 

Don’t miss this one.

For tickets and more information, please visit:  Hamilton Theatre Inc Website

Performances at: 140 MacNab Street North, Hamilton ON 

Photography by: Kreations Photography 

[thefroggoboi]

are spanish pansexuals allowed in bakeries?

[ourloveisforthelovely]

Things We Didn't Tell You...

Harry Potter- Set during the first war

Summary:  Hiding your relationship with Sirius from your brother Remus was a bad idea from day one. Now he's finding out that and other secrets that the two of you have kept.

Pairings: Sirius Black x Reader

Rating: M- for future chapters

_____

She’s off-limits! It's too dangerous.

Sirius’ eyes snapped open as Remus’ words echoed in his head. He knew that hiding his relationship with you from his friend was wrong. Remus would be furious when he found out. If he tried to kill him, Sirius wouldn’t be surprised! You were the younger sister that Remus swore to protect. Now here you were fooling around with one of his brother’s best friends.

It's because of your reputation.

Sirius thought calmly. He knew that fact perfectly well. Had it been James or Peter that wanted to be your lover, Remus may have been a bit more accepting. Sirius, no matter how much Remus cared for him, never would have gotten his friend’s approval. He was too wild, a womanizer, and too involved with the order. Sirius understood. Had the roles been reversed and he was in Remus’ shoes; Sirius would have said a big hell no but that thought alone didn’t stop him from falling in love with you.

All it took was one look from your beautiful green eyes and Sirius was hooked. He would have done anything that you asked. Roll around in a puddle of mud? Spoil you senseless? Whatever you asked was yours. That was what led to the current predicament. The two of you had been in a secret relationship for over 2 years. Both of you decided that it was best to just act as friends around the people that you cared about the most.

“Thinking about tomorrow?”

You asked, tiredly. You had woken up a few moments ago and noticed Sirius looking at the ceiling with that look. You had seen that dark expression on his face too many times in the past year.

“How could I not be? We are literally about to get our asses handed to us.”

You slowly sat up and laid your head on his shoulder. He wasn’t joking in the slightest and you knew it. You would have killed for one of his jokes at the moment.

“Maybe Remus will take it okay? He could have just been giving the ceremonial overprotective brother speech to scare any man from wanting me.”

Sirius chuckled.

“Didn’t work well, did it?”

You were relieved when Sirius smiled. He was right. It didn’t work in the slightest! Maybe, in ways, Remus’ actions drove you into Sirius’ waiting arms.

“Not really. There’s no way we can hide it anymore though. I am sick of hiding too.”

You said, sadly. 2 years of hiding had been exhausting! You hated having to “keep up appearances.” Sirius had to flirt with any woman he could find so Remus and the others wouldn’t grow suspicious. He couldn’t go from man whore to totally disinterested in the female race altogether.

Your eyes froze on the baby blanket at the foot of the bed. That was the other reason that Sirius and yourself couldn't hide any longer. Your 9-month-old daughter Demelza lay sleeping peacefully a few feet away.

None of your friends even knew of her existence. You had expertly hidden your pregnancy the whole time. No one seemed to have the foggiest idea of what was going on underneath your dresses.

Sirius had been in Ireland keeping an eye on some death eater activity when you found out about your condition. You had conned the others into thinking that you were going to France when in fact you were going to Ireland. Sure, it probably wouldn't have made more sense to come clean once you found out that you were pregnant but the two of you were so freaked out...telling didn’t happen.

When Sirius received the letter to come back to London the week before it was time to face the fact that it was time to face the music. There would be no way that you could show back up to London with a baby who looked extraordinarily like her father with little to no explanation. Remus was too smart for his own good and would put 2 and 2 together within seconds.

“I’ve been sick of hiding for a long time.”

Sirius replied. He was silent for a few moments before taking your hand in his.

“I’m not scared of facing your brother. What bothers me is the fact that I have essentially been lying to him for two years.”

You slowly looked up from your place on his shoulder.

“I have too. Look, we did what we did because we both know that Remus would have flipped.”

“It's not like he can stop us from being together now.”

Sirius whispered. Mentally, he thanked Demelza for showing up when she did. Never in a million years did he plan on having a child but when you told him that you were pregnant...nothing else mattered. All Sirius cared about at that point was keeping you healthy and safe.

Yes, it would have been nice to have the support of his friends (especially James) at that particular point in his life. There had been many nights that Sirius and yourself sat outside of Demelza’s nursery at 3 am waiting for the baby to scream herself to sleep. The two of you had done everything to make the baby sleepy and nothing worked.

“Is she ever going to stop crying?”

Sirius muttered peaking through the cracked door to see his very angry daughter, not the least bit interested in sleeping. Instead, she was sitting up, rearranging how everything was in her crib. She was being a bit more dramatic than necessary.

“I don’t know what else to do. We’ve fed her like every 30 minutes for the past two hours. We’ve changed her. Now she is in there throwing a hissy fit like her father.”

Sirius gave you a scowl.

“Now we know why we have had to change her so much. We are never going to sleep again, are we?”

You sighed and put your head against the door.

“I don’t think so. Too bad we can’t bribe her yet.”

Sirius chuckled, wishing that he could get Lily over. She was great with kids. Of all people, she could figure out what the problem was.

“Already tried.”

He confessed.

“She doesn't seem to be the least bit interested.”

Sirius smiled at the memory. Luckily, both of you had gotten a lot better with getting Demelza to sleep when she didn’t want to.

“We should try to get some sleep. 6 am comes early.”

The morning did in fact come earlier than expected. Sirius and yourself stood outside of James and Lily’s house looking at the door like two naughty children. Sirius motioned to the door while adjusting Demelza in his arms.

“Well...what are we waiting for?”

You blinked, giving him the sassiest expression ever. It didn’t matter that the situation was so grave; Sirius still thought that expression was the cutest thing ever. He had already seen Demelza give him that expression far too many times.

“So, that is where she gets that look.”

You smiled and finally knocked on the door.

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

Sirius’ amused expression quickly vanished and the dark one returned.

The moment the door opened, James stood on the other side. His face went from joy to see his best friend to sheer confusion.

“Uh, have I missed something?”

Sirius nodded.

“It's what you are thinking.”

Sirius said, softly. James looked between the two of you a couple of times. He clearly had no idea what to say. James had been looking forward to Sirius coming back to London for some time. Now here he stood with Remus Lupin’s sister and a baby.

“Whoa. I was totally not expecting this. She looks just like you, mate.”

That was all that Sirius needed to hear to know that James wasn’t mad. In fact, he looked down right giddy. This was the last thing that James had expected! He had expected Sirius to just be the fun godfather that had no interest in children of his own. Now here he stood holding a baby.

“Harry will have a little friend. Think about a few years from now when school time comes…”

Sirius smiled.

“Poor Minnie is going to cry. There are two more of us.”

James turned his attention to you.

“Off to France, huh? That was clever and sneaky. I am impressed. I knew that you were more than just some bookworm.”

You couldn’t help but smile at that. Being more than a bookworm was always a joke that James lovingly made in your direction.

“I can be sneaky.”

You said with a smile.

“Is Remus here?”

You asked. James' amused expression vanished. He knew that the two of you would have to face Remus and it probably wasn’t going to be pretty. Remus was in a mood from the full moon anyway now he was about to find out that his best friend and sister ran off and had a baby.

James had a good idea about how nervous you had to be. From the time that James met you, you had always been your brother’s pet. If someone messed with you, they had to deal with Remus and of course the rest of his friends. You were the same way about your brother in turn. James and Sirius always accredited your overprotective mothering to Remus’ furry little problem.

“He is. I’ll play middle man.”

James said with a smile.

The walk into the dinning room seemed to take forever. James glanced at the two of you. It didn’t take him being Sirius’ best friend to know that he was nervous. The smooth cocky demeanor that Sirius normally possessed was nowhere to be found.

James stepped into the dining room first. Remus was busy reading a book. He didn’t even notice his friend's absence. It was Lily, who was holding Harry, that looked up.

“What took so long? Where is Sirius?”

James faked a smile as Remus looked up. His friend looked extremely tired but curious as to what was going on.

“So...I want you all to keep an open mind about what you are about to see.”

“I don’t like conversations that start this way.”

Remus said warily. James nodded as he reached behind him and opened the door.

The moment that Sirius and yourself stepped in, both Lily and Remus’ mouths dropped. Both looked between the two of you as they clearly put everything together.

“What’s going on here?”

Remus asked. His voice was already beginning to tremble. You stepped forward shutting Sirius off from being able to start talking.

“It's what it looks like, Remus.” Your brother ran a hand over his face. He was getting angrier by the second and you could see it. You could also see that he was ill.

It's too close to the moon.

You thought as he stood.

“How long has this been going on?”

Sirius wrapped his free arm around your waist to hold you against him.

“Two years.”

You said, calmly.

Remus meanwhile, was a stone short of going into a tizzy. He had specifically told Sirius that you were off limits. You were too young to be in a committed relationship and Sirius had no idea what a committed relationship was.

Now here the two of you stood saying that there had been some ultra secret two year relationship that resulted in a niece that Remus had no idea of.

“You’re telling me that the two of you have been in a relationship and have a baby? Was it too hard for the two of you to send a letter? Talk to me in person? Sirius, this is the most backhanded lowly thing that you could have…”

You quickly stepped in.

“Remus don’t say something that you will regret later.”

You tried to keep your voice calm and even. Yelling at Remus when he was in this state would get no one anywhere.

“I won’t regret this…”

Remus started. Sirius, meanwhile, noticed how shaky his friend was.

“Remus, you should sit…”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Remus yelled. Sirius raised an eyebrow. This was probably the angriest that he had ever seen Remus Lupin. The voice of reason was now the one that was ready to kick ass.

“Do you have to have every woman, Sirius? When are you going to start having an affair with someone else or have you already gotten bored with Y/n?”

“Stop it!”

Sirius snapped. Remus didn’t back down. Remus knew that he needed to calm down but he couldn't. His eyes went to his niece. The little girl had Sirius’ shirt clasped in one pudgy fist. Her grey eyes were watching her uncle’s every move.

“I’ve got to get out of here!”

Remus snapped as he turned and walked out of the opposite door with a huff. James took a deep breath.

“And there we have it.”

He turned his attention to Sirius who was looking gloomily at the place where Remus stood. James put a hand on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’ll be alright. You know that he didn’t mean what he said.”

“Yeah, he did.”

Sirius replied. James absentmindedly scratched the back of his head.

“Just give him some time. Now let me hold the baby.”

Sirius gently put Demelza in James’ arms. James smiled looking down at her. He saw you and Remus in the little girl’s serious expression. She quickly looked back to her father as if keeping an eye on him.

“He isn’t going anywhere.”

James said, softly.

“What’s her name?”

“Demelza.”

You replied. Lily had stood up and joined her husband in admiring the little girl.

“That’s lovely. She is lovely.”

James let Lily have her turn with the little girl. He turned back to Sirius and yourself.

“Did you tell your parents?”

Sirius shook his head.

“They are the last people that I would tell anything.”

James nodded.

“Probably for the best. Come on, let's go get a drink.”

Sirius leaned down and kissed your cheek before following James out of the room.

Lily meanwhile, turned to you.

“Come sit down, love. You look exhausted.”

You sighed.

“I don’t sleep much. Sirius and I were both worried about how Remus was going to take it...I knew that it was going to be a disaster.”

Lily used her free hand to hold yours.

“Y/n, he was probably shocked. I was. Let him calm down. This is Remus that we are talking about. We all know how much he loves you.”

Lily was silent for a moment before looking back to you.

“Why didn’t you write James and I? We would have been there with you two the whole way.”

You looked down at your feet feeling suddenly depressed.

“We were afraid that you two would tell Remus. Sirius and I didn’t know who to tell him...it all kind of went out of control. We were going to tell him before I got pregnant. When I found out, we both panicked...to say the least.”

Lily understood. She wasn’t upset with either of you.

“I just hate the thought of you giving birth in a hospital without any support. How did Sirius handle it?”

Lily was relieved when you giggled.

“He panicked a few times. I almost had to tell him to sit down and shut up.”

Lily shook her head with a smile.

“I would have liked to have seen that. Should you two have any more children...I want to witness it.”

“You will be the first to know...should that happen. I think one is enough for now.”

Lily smiled down at the baby girl on her lap. Demelza was happily playing with the bracelet on Lily’s wrist.

“She has the Black family good looks but I see you in there. She has your dainty features. I can’t wait for Harry to wake up so he can meet her.”

The two of you immediately looked up at each other.

“So do we make bets on who will be the bigger trouble makers? James and Sirius or Demelza and Harry.”

You took a breath. James and Sirius’ wild behavior was no secret to Lily or yourself. You had witnessed a lot of their shenanigans while in school. Now you had to wonder if Demelza would be giving her father a run for his money?

“I guess time will tell on that one. Lily, I know that Sirius is going to talk to James about this so I’m going to talk to you about it. We want you two to be her godparents. If anything should happen…”

“WE WOULD LOVE TO!”

Lily squealed.

“I want Remus to be involved too but I don’t think he would be up to raising a baby...right now that is. I can only hope that he wants something to do with her.”

Demelza had snuggled herself against Lily’s chest and yawned. Lily stroked her finger down the baby’s cheek.

“How could he not want to? Look at this sweet little face. He’s going to love her. Don’t even worry about that.”

As Lily gently rocked Demelza to sleep, you sat pondering her words. You could only hope that your friend was right. Maybe you could talk to Remus once he returned from wherever he went. Hopefully this time he will listen….

____

@brokencasbutt67-writer

@authoressskr

@fandom-trash-worth-it

@hankypranky

@wontlookaway

@summer-novak

@shaylybaby2032

@shitfaceddaniel

@tas898

@li0nh34rt

@stuckinsaudi1

@marichromatic

@maggiolim

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@sprnaturallover

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts

@knight-of-gleefulness

@mycuddlycorner

[whitecatindisguise]

The Sundrop Alchemist (18)

We’re getting close to the end, guys. Just few more chapters. I’m happy and sad at the same time, because I really like writing this story.

Anyway, onwards with this chapter.

Summary: The truth about Varian’s family is finally revealed. Hugo must save his newly-earned brother before it’ll be too late.

AO3 link is here.

------

Chapter 18: Truth Revealed

Varian didn’t remember the way back to the tower. He felt like in a daze, blindly following Mother, her hand gripping his wrist a little too hard, the fact he was completely oblivious to. His mind was spinning, reliving the events from the past week. 

Meeting Hugo, leaving the tower, the Snuggly Duckling, running from the guards and almost drowning in the cave, wandering through Old Corona, the lanterns, Donella and everything that transpired in her base, escaping with Hugo… and finally those two red-haired brothers and a mad dash through the forest in an attempt to escape. If it wasn’t for Mother… Varian shivered at the thought of what could have happened if they caught him. 

He felt a gentle thug on his hair and blinked, emerging from his thoughts. They were back at the tower, the boy didn’t even register how they got inside. He was sat at the chair, Mother unbraiding his hair. It felt familiar, something they did several times throughout the years. Yet, Varian had this feeling inside, something telling him this wasn’t right, that something was off.

The last of his braids came off and Mother hummed in approval, before standing up and brushing off her dress. 

“Now, let’s start on the dinner, shall we?” She said, making her way towards the kitchen. “I am starving. Don’t you, Flower?”

Varian stared at Mother’s back, still not exactly out of his daze. There was something he was forgetting, a thug at the back of his mind. Something important, he knew. But he couldn’t quite place what it was about. 

“You’re awfully quiet, Flower.” Mother spoke up again, her back turned to him. 

“Just… I think I’m forgetting something.” He replied, biting on the inside of his cheek. 

“How about helping me with the dinner?” She suggested in a tone not quite the one he remembered. “You don’t really expect me to prepare it all by myself?”

“I don’t think that’s it…” Varian muttered under his breath and the woman huffed in annoyance. 

“Varian, how many times should I tell you to speak clearly?” She shot him an angered glare. “You know I hate it when you mumble.”

“I’m sorry…” The word “mother” somehow didn’t sound right and he wondered why. 

“I’m sorry, who, Flower?” The woman prompted and Varian suddenly felt strangely annoyed. 

“I’m not in the mood right.” He shot back through his teeth. “But I guess being kidnapped, tortured and held hostage for a week doesn’t really give me a right to feel tired, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t know what got into you, Flower.” Mother raised one brow and he could see she was getting annoyed too. “Is this the way to speak to your Mother?”

“Maybe I don’t want to speak to you?!” Varian replied, feeling more angry with every second. “Did it ever occur to you?! Or you are so self-absorbed you don’t even care what I feel?!”

“That’s it!!” The woman shouted, face scrunched in anger, its colours almost the same as her dress. “Go to your room, now!!”

“YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!!” The blonde cried out, and suddenly, the tower was silent. 

They stared at each other, and Varian could swear, the woman stumbled a little at his wording. But, as fast as it happened, her posture was back to its usual regal-like, as if nothing happened at all. She chuckled and smiled at him. For some reason, Varian felt she was nervous and the smile was fake. 

“What are you talking about, Flower?” She asked and Varian suddenly remembered. 

He remembered the bookstore in Old Corona, the drawing in the history books, all the facts pointing to a single conclusion…

“I am the lost son.” He whispered, eyes widening in shock. 

It all made sense now. How he looked so similar to the small boy on the drawing, the lanterns that were sent out on the day of the lost son’s birthday, HIS birthday, the age, the same as the boy’s…

“Varian, I hate it when you-” The woman said and he cut her off almost immediately, brows furrowing in anger.

“I am the lost son of Old Corona’s village leader, aren’t I?” He repeated, this time louder, his gaze staring into the woman in anger. “You stole me from my real parents! You lied to me! You- you kept me in this tower so you could have my powers for yourself!” He threw his hands apart, trembling with anger. “The people you warned me about, the ones who would use my powers for their own benefit. You are just like them!”

Mother- no, not Mother, his kidnapper, stared at him in shock. It seemed she was weighing her options, now that the cards were on the table. Suddenly, her whole posture changed. 

She pushed her shoulders back, making herself bigger than normal. Her mouth turned into a malicious smile, eyes glaring at him with such power, he instinctively took a step back. 

“Oh.. you think you are so smart, aren’t you?” She sneered, taking a step in his direction, making him move back. “That you figured it out and now you’ll just go back to your parents-” She spat out the word as if it burned her tongue.”-and live happily ever after. With this little friend of yours, what was his name? Henry? Huey? Oh… that’s right…” Her gaze turned malicious and Varian felt a shiver go up his spine. “Hugo…”

“What did you do?!” He cried, trying to not sound terrified. She laughed and he felt another shiver tremble his frame. 

“I wouldn’t worry about him. He’s left on a well-deserved holidays. His own room, who cares if the doors are locked and the window has bars?” She replied nonchalantly. “He won’t leave it for at least few years, knowing his crime record.”

“You sent him to jail?!” Varian shouted and the woman sent him a death glare. 

“Be thankful I didn’t kill him on the spot.” She sneered and in two large strolls she had him pinned to the wall. “Now, be a good boy and sit still. Mother needs to pack.”

~~~~~~

Hugo’s head lowered and he stared at the cracked floor. How stupid of him to forget about The Stabbingtons. He heard a lot about the two brothers over his years as a thief. He knew they were ruthless and didn’t forgive traitors. Still, he was too confident and proud to think he could trick them, escape with the loot and not face any consequences. 

He should be thanking whatever god was up there they only decided to knock him out and give him up to the guards. They could have easily killed him, especially right then, when he was tired from all the running and had no weapons on him. But his fate wasn’t what troubled him, if he was to be honest. 

The Stabbingtons knew about Varian. Somehow, they learned of his existence and, what was even worse, about his powers. Sure, the kid was resourceful and could easily knock a head or two with his frying pan, but The Stabbingtons weren’t regular thugs. Varian wouldn’t stand a chance against the two. His blood froze at the thought of the boy on the brothers’ mercy. And he couldn’t do anything from behind those bars. 

Suddenly, he heard shouts at the end of the corridor. They were barely audible at the beginning, but soon he was able to distinguish words and, what was even more surprising, the familiarity of the voices. Shocked, he approached the bars to his own cell and looked towards the source of the shouting. 

To his surprise, the guards were leading the same two people he was just thinking about. The Stabbingtons were shouting threats and insults at the guards, while trying to somehow escape. All to no avail, and they were quickly shoved inside another cell, directly opposite Hugo’s. 

“What are you doing here?” The bespectacled teen questioned, confused by the whole ordeal. It was hard to imagine Varian beat the brothers up and left them for the guards to find. 

The brothers were silent, so he decided on a different approach, taking up his usual nonchalant tone. 

“What? Did the kid give you a hard time?” He smirked and crossed his arms on his chest. 

“Hah, the kid was scared like a baby of the monster under its bed.” Burnsie replied with a huff of annoyance. “It was the damn lady.”

“Lady? What lady?” Hugo questioned, genuinely interested now. “You mean his mother?”

“Mother? What a joke!” Patchy barked a deep laugh. “Gothel would never have a kid of her own. She hates kids like dogs hate cats.”

“She tricked us. First she told us about the kid and his powers, and when we almost got him, she knocked us unconscious and led the guards to us.” Burnsie explained. “She probably wants the powers all to herself. Wrecked witch.”

Hugo felt the gears turning in his brain. If Mother and Gothel were the same person (and, at this point, it was safe to assume they were) then Varian was in deep, deep trouble. Especially, if he really is the lost son. During the time in Donella’s base Hugo not once heard the kid mumble about it, and it seemed very probable at this point. If Varian somehow let it slip to Gothel, then who knew what the witch would do. Hugo wasn’t stupid, he heard about Gothel several times. And none of the things he knew were good. 

A sudden chitter made all three of the prisoners jump in surprise. Hugo looked down and his eyes widened at the sight of the familiar raccoon. 

“Ruddiger?” He called and the animal chittered in response, coming closer and pushing something inside his cell. He picked it up and noticed it was the key to his cell. The clever raccoon must have stolen it from the guards. But if Ruddiger was here, then that must have meant- “Goggles is in trouble, isn’t he?” 

Ruddiger chittered anxiously and pointed at the key and at the door. Hugo wasted not another minute to open the cell and follow the raccoon. 

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?!” He heard guards calling after him. Crap, he’d have to lose them before he can go after Varian. 

Suddenly he heard a loud war cry and the guards were pinned to the wall by one of the pub thugs, Atilla, if he remembered correctly. He stared in shock at the scene, when he was suddenly grabbed by the shirt. With a hook. 

“Hook Hand?” He questioned, eyes widening. “How did you guys know-?”

“The raccoon led us here. He was pretty persuasive.” The man explained and set the teen roughly on one side of the plank, the other facing up, leaning against the barrel. Ruddiger scrambled up his shoulders and gripped him tightly with his claws. “Now, head down, arms in, knees apart.” Hook Hand instructed. Hugo, baffled, followed the instructions and then he heard another cry and looked up. 

Vladimir was flying through the air, having just jumped down from the second floor, and fell right on the other side of the plank. With a terrified yell, Hugo was shot up and over the prison wall, landing safely on the other side, in the haystack. 

“What was THAT?!” He cried, shaking his head to get rid of the dizziness. 

“Come on, McCoy! Before they open the gates!” Another thug, Toll, called out. Hugo saw he was holding the reins of a horse and he immediately understood the intentions. He jumped up the horse’s back and grabbed the reins, shooting a quick thank you to the man. 

“Come on, Ruddiger. Let’s save our princess.” He smirked and urged the horse to run. 

[michaelgambons]

Baseline Romantic

Chapter 2

*warning- mild drug use*

Be prepared for a slowwwww burn champs, but bare with!

The next morning, Y/N woke up and for a few, blissful moments, had no memory of the night before. Lying in the soft cotton sheets with the sunlight streaming in through curtains, the world seemed perfect. And then Y/N’s hangover hit, and with it, the memories of the night before.

Suspecting the worst, Y/N grabbed her phone that had been charging next to her and opened Instagram, quickly finding Ben’s story from the previous night. There she was, glass of wine in hand, rapping along tunelessly as she danced her way around the room. At least she had managed to remember all the words, she thought glumly to herself. She groaned slightly and rolled onto her side, hoping for a couple more minutes sleep, but was distracted by the smell of bacon which was wafting up the stairs.

Following her nose, Y/N headed downstairs. A welcome site met her in the kitchen. Charlie was stood over a large frying pan in which bacon was sizzling away. Catherine and Ben were sat at the large wooden kitchen table, coffee in hand, and both looked up to greet her as she came into the room.

Y/N sank into the chair next to them at the table and groaned, putting her head in her arms.

Ben sniggered at her. ‘Coffee?’ he asked.

‘Yes... please’ Y/N responded.

As Ben got up to make the coffee, Y/N raised her head up from her arms and asked with a laugh ‘How many people have seen that story from last night Ben?’.

‘About 10,000 last I checked, and lots of panicked teenage girls messaging me asking if you’re my girlfriend’ he laughed.

‘Oh for god’s sake’ Y/N sighed. ‘They clearly don’t know you at all, otherwise they’d know you didn’t have girlfriends, just anonymous skinny models that tumble out of your bedroom on a regular basis’ Y/N and Catherine snigger, whilst Ben feigns shock.

‘Excuse me Y/N they are not anonymous! I always make sure to ask what their name is, you can’t blame me if I forget it 2 minutes later’.

The group laughed and Ben handed Y/N her coffee. He’s wearing a pair of tightly fitting workout leggings, which accentuate his legs and bum, making them look ridiculous toned. Y/N follows his bum around the kitchen with her eyes before breaking off to focus instead on her coffee, and curse him internally for wearing such distracting clothing.

————

Y/N dropped her phone on the bed beside her and wiped away the tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. She sat for a moment, trying to compose herself before she headed back downstairs to join the others.

Heading back downstairs, she was distracted by the sound of music emanating from one of the bedrooms. Sticking her head round the door, she saw Dominic and Ben sitting together, Dominic on the bed, guitar in hand and Ben squatting on the floor, beating out a rhythm on a small wooden box he was sat on.

Grinning they look up to see her, but their expression changed when they see her face, still puffy and pink from crying.

‘Oh god, what’s happened?’ Dominic asked, patting the bed next to him for Y/N to sit down.

Sitting down, Y/N nestled her head into the crux of his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. Much as she tried to stop it, a stream of tears erupted again.

‘Dan just called’ Y/N started, ‘He spent the first 15 minutes telling me about the protest he went on yesterday, without properly acknowledging I was on the phone to him- it was such a monologue. When I started to tell him about my weekend, he grunted along for about 30 seconds before interrupting to talk about a new range of free trade fava beans he’d found in the shop this morning. I got really cross and asked him why he couldn’t be bothered to ask about my weekend when I had sat listening to him talk about his, and we ended up having the same argument again as yesterday about me coming here. It ended with him saying I clearly wasn’t committed to- and I’m not joking, I wish I was- seizing the means of production, and he wasn’t sure if he could be with someone who had such flaky political views’

Y/N wiped her eyes and looked up at the two boys, who were gaping at her in disbelief.

She laughed, ‘I know, it’s such a niche argument to have’.

‘He interrupted you to tell you about Fair Trade Fava Beans?’ said Ben, disbelievingly.

Y/N nodded, and then broke into a laugh. The ridiculousness of the argument had struck her.

The two boys broke into laughter with her.

‘That bloke is mad if you ask me’ said Dominic. ‘He’s incapable of casual conversation. Do you remember that time he had a go at me in the M1 Service Station because I got a Starbucks? It wasn’t even as if I’d chosen to get Starbucks, there was no where else and I’d been driving for the last 5 hours!’

‘Oh my god yes! I’d forgotten that!’ said Y/N. ‘That was an awkward drive...’

They all laughed. Ben stood up.

‘Shall we go for a walk before dinner? Might be good to get some fresh air’ he said, looking at Y/N.

She nodded, getting to her feet.

—————-

A few minutes later, clad in wellies and as many jumpers as Y/N could find, her and Ben set out for your walk, bidding goodbye to Dominic who was staying behind to help prepare dinner.

You trudged along in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. The air was warm but the ground was damp in the aftermath of the rain you had had, and leaves squelch under your boots. You talked casually about work, Boris Johnson (‘I’d love to spend the day with him just to figure out his bullshit’ Ben laughs) and music, before an incoming text message interrupts your conversation.

Y/N glanced down at her phone. It’s the fifth text in 30 minutes from Dan, apologising and asking her to call him when she got a chance. Y/N sighed and put her phone back in her pocket.

‘Dan?’ Ben says, nodding towards her pocket.

‘Yeah,’ Y/N replies. ‘I’m just giving myself a bit of time to calm down before I reply’.

‘Good idea,’ Ben nodded. He paused slightly before he continued ‘You do know you deserve better than this, right? I don’t want to sound patronising, and I know it’s none of my business, but... I care about you... a lot, and I hate seeing you like this. You’re so ridiculously clever and kind and...’

‘Alright you soppy idiot calm down’ Y/N interrupts him, giggling. ‘I get the picture. I’m a big girl though, I’ll figure this out’

Ben wrapped his arm around Y/N’s shoulders, and they fell into a pace beside each other.

‘Sorry’ he said. ‘We should be getting back, dinner will be ready soon’

————-

Y/N groaned in pleasure as she pushed her plate away from her. ‘Cleo, that was delicious’ she said. She accepted the spliff Charlie passed her and happily inhaled.

The group were sat outside in the fading sun, the embers of their bbq providing a smokey haze over them. They were all silent for a moment, full and content from the meal they had just had.

‘You know what I’ve always wondered?’ Cleo said, ‘In Harry Potter, how is Harry quite so rich? He’s basically the bourgeoisie and no one ever talks about it.’

The group laugh.

‘That’s the least of your worries mate!’ Dominic laughs, ‘I’ve always wondered how Igor Karkaroff got made Headmaster of Durmstrong when he was a convicted Death Eater. Can you imagine the Ofsted inspections?’ He imitates an Ofsted inspector- ‘So you’ve got fantastic OWL’s Mr Karkarof, but a number of your students have also become Death Eaters under your care...’

‘Did you ever try out for Harry Potter Ben?’ Charlie asked.

‘No, I didn’t’ Ben laughs. ‘Fucking wish I had though, I’d never have to work again. At the time I still didn’t realise I wanted to be an actor, otherwise I probably would have done’.

Charlie laughed. ‘You wouldn’t have had to do Eastenders for so long if that had been the case’.

He started singing the Eastenders theme song and the group join in, all in different keys and in different time- but it’s enough to make Ben’s ears go bright red.

‘Alright, alright’ he says, smiling. ‘I definitely paid my dues with that one. Whenever I catch it nowadays the illusion is totally lost though. All I can ‘see’ are the cameramen recording the scenes and all the sound men-‘

‘No great loss mate’ Y/N sniggers.

—————

As Y/N lay in bed that night, moonlight lighting up a strip on her bed, her mind wandered. She only had one more day with the group before she had to head back to London, to the flat and Dan. She was dreading it, and had spent the day trying not to dwell on it too much. Being here, with her friends, with so few responsibilities had made her realise just how stressed she had been over the past few months.

Chapter 3 now out!

[btsybrkr]

What A Time To Be At Home!: The Best And Worst Coronacontent The Internet Has To Offer

Remember that joke that’s been around for ages, but was being told literally everywhere back in 2019? The one that went something like, “I hate it when people ask me where I’ll be in a year’s time - I don’t have 2020 vision!”?

Well, I bloody wish someone did.

In fact, in early January, I wrote out my own predictions for the decade ahead right here on my blog. They were obviously entirely hypothetical and - I thought - ridiculous. They were just a series of daft ideas that I thought I could take the piss out of, in the hope that people might read it and take a second out of their day to do an amused little nose exhale for me. But now, even the post-apocalyptic TV show ideas I pitched in that piece seem less ‘far-off dystopian chaos’, and more like they could be pleasant additions to the BBC Summer schedule.

The world is in the throes of a global pandemic, the likes of which haven’t been seen since… I don’t know, The Black Plague, maybe? As a result of that, the instructions have been clear: stay home, save lives. 

At first, the thought of being given a period of Government-sanctioned laziness seemed like a dream to many. We could write our autobiographies! Learn Klingon! Build ourselves a whole new house! But six weeks in, it appears to have started messing with the collective consciousness of the human race. Brains are fried, your Weekly Screen Time is up 103%, stomachs are full to the brim with banana bread and dalgona coffee, and certain celebrities’ egos are in a fight to the death with their common sense. In a time when we’re all supposedly doing nothing, there’s still so much going on. 

With that in mind, I thought we could recognise some of the things we’ve seen online that have kept us talking in lockdown, not just because of Coronavirus, but in spite of it. 

Welcome to the first (but hopefully not annual) What A Time To Be At Home! awards. The WATTBAH!’s, if you like.

The ‘Why On Earth Did You Think This Was A Good Idea?’ Award

Over the last few weeks, we’ve seen a sizable handful of blunders by the rich and famous that have, at worst, knocked them down a fair few places in our estimations and, at best, have left us scratching our heads, wondering what response they were expecting in the first place. 

With that in mind, it’s only right that this title goes to the original celebrity lockdown mistake: Gal Gadot’s ill-advised acapella cover of Imagine, featuring a variety of different Hollywood stars - not one of whom had the foresight to ask “are you sure this doesn’t make us look like complete arseholes?”, which, unfortunately, it absolutely does. 

Between the bizarre and insincere ‘I have a dream’-style speech at the beginning, the boldness of some of those featured to be quite clearly just taking the piss, and the fact everyone appears to be singing ever-so-slightly below the note without ever actually hitting it for the entirety of the song, this was tone-deaf in more ways than one. It’s even worse when you realise that this was posted less than one week into the lockdown, but then what would I know? Maybe madness sets in faster in multi-million dollar mansions. Probably because it echoes louder and bounces off the walls of your massive living room.

The ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ Award

This award recognises content we’ve been witness to over the last few weeks that was so awful, so completely uncomfortable to watch, that after you’d gotten over the initial disbelief at what you’d just seen, you immediately had to send it to somebody you know, so that you can suffer through it together.

Despite how many celebrity lockdown moments have left me with my head in my hands over the last few weeks, this award could only go to a very recent contender - one which isn’t simply an embarrassing piece of celebrity lockdown content, but will likely haunt the inner corners of my brain long after this virus is simply a topic taught about in GCSE History lessons of the future. 

I am, of course, talking about Olly Murs. I’m talking about Pringlegate. I’m talking about Olly Murs removing the bottom of a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles to trick his own girlfriend into touching his penis. On video, on TikTok.

Twitter: @buckyw1ng

There’s something inherently quite chilling about Pringlegate. It might be something to do with the 10,000 watt grin on Olly’s face as we watch him carefully maneuver a tin opener around the bottom of the can, or perhaps it’s just the question of how long he’d been sat there holding it around his naked penis as he and his girlfriend watched a film, patiently waiting for the moment to strike. Perhaps it’s the way the video freezes as she reaches over for a Pringle, allowing time for Olly Murs’ to add in an audio clip of himself, shouting “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND”. 

Maybe it’s the uncontrollable show of amusement he launches into as she snatches her hand back in shock, laughing away, heartily, as if to say “Ha! You thought it was a normal can of Pringles, but it was actually my PENIS covered in Pringles crumbs! You just got PUNKED!”, like it was all simply a clever ruse. 

Above all else, I think the most uncomfortable thing about it is that I can’t help but feel like all bets are off in 2020, and that this is a fairly tame warm-up for things to come.

So, Olly Murs, you are inarguably the rightful winner of the ‘I Had To Suffer Through This, So You Do, Too’ award. Congratulations! Don’t do it again, yeah?

The ‘Are You Actually Aware Of These Words Coming Out Of Your Mouth?’ Award

I’ve said some stupid things since this lockdown started. Personally, I put it down to the lack of social interaction, which I think might be frying my brain a little bit, or at least that’s what the ornament of a turkey that sits on my kitchen windowsill told me the other day. However, I don’t think I or anybody I know has said anything even one fraction-of-an-iota as void of intelligent thought as Vanessa Hudgens’ terrible opinions on social distancing, shared in a now-infamous Instagram live last month. 

“It’s a virus,” she clarified, helpfully, before going on to explain, “I get it. I respect it.” 

I’m sure your respect means the world to it, Vanessa, but do you ‘get’ it?

“But even if everybody gets it, like… yeah… people are gonna die,” she explains, in a tone so chirpy that the word ‘die’ might as well be replaced by the phrase ‘have such a bloody lovely old time’, “which is terrible, but, like… inevitable?” 

In all fairness, death is inevitable, but I don’t know if suggesting speeding up that process for thousands of people because you were disappointed that Coachella was cancelled is an equally logical take.

After a brief - and probably quite profound - moment of self-reflection, she laughs “I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t be doing this right now”. Oh, you think? Which bit? Just holding these insane ideas, or actually broadcasting them to your 39.1 million Instagram followers? 

She did post a video the day after, clarifying that - despite what she said - she is staying at home, and is urging others to do the same. I guess she does respect the virus after all. Now, if everyone could hurry up, catch it and die from it, so that she can go to Coachella 2021, Vanessa Hudgens might respect you, too. 

I guess We’re All In This Together, after all.

The Show Of Support Award

I’ve already talked a lot about the rich and famous here, so maybe it’s time to take a break from that madness - although, I get it, I respect it - and have a look at how the rest of our lives look at the moment.

One weekly occurrence that seems to be set to stick around is the weekly round of applause for the NHS. Whilst it’s nothing short of blood-boilingly annoying seeing Boris Johnson absent-mindedly clapping in celebration of a service that he recently admitted he hadn’t even noticed the strain on until he, himself, nearly died of the virus, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the rest of us getting involved. If anything, it’s heart-warming to see the videos of NHS staff being applauded by neighbours as they leave for work, and to hear the cheers echoing through the streets at 8pm every Thursday. There’s a lot of people being quite cynical about it. We obviously know it’s not going to stop Coronavirus in its tracks, but sometimes it’s just nice to be nice, alright?

One thing I’ve noticed recently is how many people have adopted different noise-making strategies, possibly in an effort to effectively boost their support by a factor of 300%. Banging pots and pans together appears to be the most popular, but the winner of this award saw your pots and pans and said “how sweet”, before showing us how it’s really done.

I present to you, a genius. The ultimate hype-man.

Twitter: “a deeply disturbed national psyche” - @willuminare

There’s something so chaotic and angry about the energy in this video, just one man, a cricket bat, and a wheelie bin, banging away to show his gratitude. Just living in the moment. I wish the neighbour who’d captured it on camera had caught more of it, or at least just enough to edit the footage with Electric Youth’s soaring synth anthem  ‘A Real Hero’ from the soundtrack of the movie Drive against it.

I’ve been trying to learn to play the keytar in lockdown, to near enough no avail. Maybe at 8pm next Thursday, I’ll just take it outside and smash it against the pavement. You know, for the NHS.

Honourable Mentions: The Very Best In Coronacontent

It’s not all been so questionable - there’s been a lot of uplifting, funny, positive and thoughtful things shared online over the past few weeks. John Krasinski’s YouTube series Some Good News has provided a much-appreciated contrast from the bleakness of traditional current affairs programmes. There’s five weeks worth of episodes on his YouTube channel at the moment, so I would definitely recommend checking it out, especially if you feel like you need a lift! 

Over on Twitter, there’s been a lot to laugh about, as ‘front camera comedians’ are well and truly in their element (my personal favourite recently has been Alistair Green), as well as plenty of other users who are utilising their free time to create some brilliant stuff - this six-part opera based on a 2007 Facebook argument by Archie Henderson is genuinely one of the funniest things I’ve seen in weeks.

Twitter: “I made a six-act opera out of a conversation between some 14 year olds on my Facebook from 2007″ - @jazzemu_

All in all, these are obviously bizarre times that we’re living in. We don’t know how many more weeks of lockdown we’re going to have, when we’ll get back to normal, or even if ‘normal’ will mean something completely different from now on. 

What we do know is that the internet, and everyone on it - whoever they are or whatever they’re saying - will continue to surprise us, inform us, entertain us, provide a place for our quizzes and conversations, and keep us together in some sense, when we have no choice but to be apart. 

Thanks to anyone who’s read this far. I hope that you and your friends and families are keeping well, and that you took even a slight shred of lockdown enjoyment from even one thing I’ve said over the past couple thousand words! 

Finally, before I go, I thought we might share a little song. It goes like this:

Imagine there’s no heaven....

if you like, can follow me on twitter here or instagram here :-)

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #205 - Hocus Pocus

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: More or less.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: No.

Format: DVD

1) Let’s start off this post with a little blasphemy: I actually don’t have a ton of nostalgia for this movie. I watched it like maybe three times growing up. I’d always catch bits and pieces on Disney Channel or ABC Family Freeform, but I just never got into it like so many other people did. And (prepare to be outright offended now) the last time I watched it all the way through (I couldn’t have been older than 13) I thought it was kinda boring. BUT I was going through a bit of a “too cool for this shit” phase then. Spoiler alert: I enjoyed it A LOT more this time around and do understand the hype now.

2) Fun fact: Human Thackery Binx is played by Sean Murray but is dubbed over by the actor who performs him (Jason Marsden) for consistency.

3) Despite being largely a comedy, there is a wonderful sense of creepiness to this film which I think helps to give it its unique flavor. I mean, this is a Disney movie which starts with a child being killed so witches can drain off its life force. Then these same witches - who explicitly say they’re loyal to satan and have been to hell - get hanged. There’s this sense of edge (or the Disney version of edge) which helps elevate it above a lot of Halloween family fare. I think it’s what makes the film so endearing.

4) Ah, our first encounter with Winifred Sanderson.

5) The Sanderson Sisters

So the way I’m going to structure this note is each sister will be like 5.1, 5.2, and 5.3. That’s how long the note is. The Sanderson Sisters ARE the movie. They’re the reason it holds up so well, they’re the reason people keep coming back to it, is because this trio is so absolutely wonderful. Each sister is written and performed in a way where you get a clear sense of who they are as individuals (instead of just being clones of each other), yet they chemistry between the actresses works so wonderfully that the trio is strong as well. They are the heart and fun of the film, with each actress being brilliantly comedic but also able to turn on a villainous dime when necessary. They’re just incredible.

5.1) Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson.

The leader of the group in both writing and performance, Midler commands the sisters in a natural way. The actress is the most unrecognizable in the part, so much so it took me YEARS to even realize this was Bette Midler. By putting aside any and all ego, Midler gives a performance which embraces its cartoonish fun to totally wrap you in. She pulls focus, commanding every scene she’s in to the point where you can’t/don’t want to take her eyes off of her. She’s just incredible. According to IMDb, this is Midler’s favorite performance of her own. That fun just shows through.

5.2) Kathy Najimy as Mary Sanderson.

Najimy is an absolutely amazing character actress who totally blends into every role she’s given. Mary is no different. Much like Midler, she is able to work with the cartoonish silliness of the part (with a character who is maybe more so that than her sisters) to just make you laugh. There are so many great moments Najimy has, often times while other things are going on, that you have to watch multiple times if you even hope to catch them all. She’s just really great.

5.3) Sarah Jessica Parker as Sarah Sanderson.

The youngest (I believe youngest) Sanderson sister proves that there is no weak link in this chain. Much like Middler, this role is so different from anything else Parker is known for doing (“Sexy in the City”) that I have to remind myself it’s here. She is able to be charmingly dimwitted and absent minded in a way which is absolutely gut busting. There is this wonderful physical and almost airy quality she brings to the part which pulls you in, the way she moves and plays with her beloved boys. But Parker - like the other Sandersons - can turn on a dime to an intimidating baddie. She’s - like the others - is incredible.

6) Max Dennison.

This may be blasphemous (I don’t know all the things people love about Hocus Pocus), but does anyone REALLY watch this movie for Max Dennison as a protagonist? I will admit the place where the character ends is something I appreciate a lot (more on that later), but for most of the film? He starts off as kind of a douche bag who acts all macho, thinks he’s too cool for his new town, and is mean to his sister. Almost every other character in the movie is a more interesting potential protagonist than Max to me, which I will say is not the fault of Omri Katz. He actually does the best he can to make Max seem interesting, because I’m aware that he could’ve been a much bigger pain the butt during the movie. But the writing is just not there as we get to know him, even if he does develop nicely by the film’s end.

7) It was at this moment I realized Alison was a much more interesting protagonist than Max.

Max: “But everyone here knows that Halloween was invented by the candy companies it's a conspiracy!”

Allison: It just so happens that Halloween is based on the ancient feast called All Hallows Eve.”

Allison is actually a bit of a missed opportunity, development wise. She has a good understanding of not only the tradition of Halloween but also the Sanderson Sisters, showing a creepy side to a character who does not appear as a stereotypical goth. She’s rich, doesn’t seem to really care for her parent’s fancy Halloween ball, is kind, brave, but we never really explore her that much. I’d love to get to know a bit more about Allison.

8) The inclusion of buttheads Jay and Ice add a nice bit of humor to the film. Yeah they’re jerks, but their idiocy is definitely funny to watch. Don’t take them seriously as bullies or threats and you’ll enjoy their presence.

8.1) So I was looking up the actors who played Jay and Ice and…AH! ICE IS THE SAME ACTOR AS LARRY FROM “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”!

9) According to IMDb:

Charles Rocket [Max and Dani’s dad] acquired a certain notoriety for swearing on live television during the final moments of the 21 February 1981 episode of Saturday Night Live (1975). There's an in-joke in connection to this, where he says to Max, "Watch your language!".

10) Thora Birch as Dani.

Can I just say, Dani is so much more interesting to me than Max. I kinda wish we saw this movie through her eyes. She just brings a smile to my face whenever she’s on screen. Birch plays Dani with such honest enthusiasm and intelligence (not every kid in movies is played as smart, sadly) that it’s intoxicating. She stands up to the bullies and later her first instinct upon the Sanderson Sister’s resurrection is to LIE HER BUTT OFF in an attempt to make them think she’s a witch! HER FIRST INSTINCT! And then later when she finds out this freaky zombie is nice she’s immediately like, “Hi Billy!” so sweetly. I dig that.

11) Ah great, toxic masculinity infecting an eight year old girl.

Dani [after Max says fighting the bullies would’ve gotten him killed]: “At least you would’ve died like a man.”

Sorry, that’s just a personal thing.

12) Um, maybe some fans of the movie know this, but why exactly the Dennison family move to Salem? I don’t remember it ever being mentioned. I’m assuming job opportunity but what job takes you from LA to Salem?

13) Um Max, you’ve know Allison for like a week (maybe a week and a half). Isn’t this a little much?

Max [about Allison]: “Dani, this is the girl of my dreams.”

14) The Sanderson house has this wickedly creepy sense of place to it. You know these guys aren’t supposed to be there, you know that this is a place of evil, so when things start getting weird it’s not much of a stretch to see it happening.

15)

16) So at one point in the movie Allison hits Mary with a frying pan and all I can think of is this:

17) The most fun this movie has is watching the Sanderson Sisters adapt to 1993. Reacting to things like the, “burning rain of death,” (sprinkler system) the, “black river,” (a pavement road) and even the way they run from approaching firetrucks because of the sirens is all a hoot. Like I said, each actress is amazing and they play it so well. It’s a wonderful source of comedy.

18) Thackery Binx.

Jason Marsden is an excellent voice over actor (perhaps best known as Max in A Goofy Movie and Impulse in “Young Justice”) who helps give Thackery a lot of life. This immortal black cat is wonderfully charming, with a compelling wit and sarcastic sense of humor which helps flesh him out as a character. But he also has a lot of tragedy in his life, a real loneliness. Thackery is a unique and fun addition to the film which just works really well.

19) That’s Doug Jones as Billy Butcherson.

Jones is currently one of the most well regarded character/makeup actors in showbiz, with such famous roles under his belt as both Fauno and The Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth, Abe Sapein in the Hellboy films, and the creature in the upcoming The Shape of Water. Just thought I’d share.

20) I gotta say, the Sanderson Sisters are a lot more funny to me in my 20s than my teens. The whole bit with the calming circle specifically had me in stitches.

Also this is great.

Girl Dressed as Angel: “Bless you.”

Sanderson Sisters: [Freak out.]

21) This whole bit with the fake cop is kinda clever, but this bugs me.

Cop [after Dani tells him Max is a virgin] Are you a virgin?

Max: Yeah.

Cop: Really?

22) Garry Marshall’s devilish cameo.

While largely (if not exclusively) serving as a distraction from the plot, it just continues the fun of the Sanderson Sisters adjusting to the new world. Garry Marshall’s presence in any film is a welcome treat, especially when he brings along sister Penny. There’s just a great sense of fun here born from the audience being in on a joke the witches are clearly unaware of.

23) Okay, this always bugged me: couldn’t the kids get A LOT of people to believe them if the talking cat explained what was going on?

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

24) “I Put A Spell On You”

This may be the most iconic moment from the film, working primarily because it’s just so freaking fun! The tune is infectious, it carries a delightful Halloween sense to it, and Midler’s vocals are top notch. It’s just FUN and that’s what works.

25)

Winnie [upon seeing a high school]: “It is a prison for children.”

Well she’s not wrong.

26) As a fan of old school Universal Monster movies, I dig this line.

Max [over the high school PA]: “I’m your host, Boris Karloff Jr.”

27) Honestly I think this film’s biggest issue is a structural one. Some gags, while fun, don’t add much to the overall plot. Also the moment of quiet/peace after the heroes think the Sanderson Sisters are dead just messes with the overall flow. The tension never got high enough for it to be effective or earned. It just throws off the momentum I think.

28) Winifred’s Book.

It’s not often that I discuss prop pieces in these posts but Winnie’s book is in a lot of ways a character unto itself. The art design on the piece is absolutely wonderful and just really interesting. You understand it’s not a possession but (largely because of that eye) something a little more intelligent than that. A little more alive than that.

29) As soon as Allison opens the book this is all I can think of.

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know]

30) Sarah’s song to lure the children (written by James Horner, not composer John Debny) is wonderfully creepy while also being sweet. It makes sense that it would draw in a bunch of kids but as the audience we can hear the sense of doom it has.

31) So this is a classic case of Villain Stupidity™. Winnie HAS her victory! All she needs to do is give her death potion to one of the countless kids which just appeared on her front lawn but she needs to have her revenge so risks it all (needlessly) to go after Dani.

32) Okay, how does Winnie know enough about modern life to make this joke?

Winnie [pulling up next to Max’s car on her broom]: “Pull over! Let me see your driver's permit!”

33) The film’s climax actually is pretty well done. There is a nice sense of stakes and tension to it. THIS is earned, unlike the school scene. And Max’s decision to drink the potion so he can save Dani is a great character choice, showing how strong his relationship with his sister is and what he’ll do to ensure her safety.

34) Okay, when the sun rises at the end all I can think of is…

35) It may be a little cheesy, but I do really like that this film ends with Thackery being reunited with his lost sister Emily after 300 years. Also his goodbye to Dani is really nice.

Hocus Pocus has become a cult classic for a reason. With three absolutely phenomenal actresses acting as the heart of the film, it has a wonderfully wicked sense of fun to it that works at Halloween. But either you’ll like it or you won’t. There are some problems with structure, focus, and some character development. But honestly I don’t care about those so much because it’s just so freaking fun. It more than makes up for its flaws with a sense of humor and cartoonish mayhem which carries the 90 minute run time well. It’s just a fun Halloween movie which everyone should watch once just to see if they like.

[carriagelamp]

i've been trying to get back into reading novels but also I enjoy you ranting about your fave things so can you hype discworld for me?

DUDE YES THIS IS PRACTICALLY WHAT I WASMADE FOR (let me pull everyone into this bottomless pit)

The Discworld is a book series thattakes place in a high fantasy world (a flat disc that drifts thoughspace on the back of four elephants on the back of the giant spaceturtle A'Tuin).  Broadly speaking, it takes place in a fantasymedieval-ish period, but this gradually progresses throughout theseries and eventually approaches something like an industrialrevolution.

You know every time you’ve ever read afantasy book and a had a moment where you found yourself thinking “well… this iscool… but real people would never act that way in this sort ofsituation…” well my boy TPratt takes that mentality and fuckingruns with it.  The entireseries is satire, and is basically a love letter to both the fantasygenre and the human race as a whole.  The best thing about these books isthat Terry Pratchett is hilariously funny and unbelievably clever,and he uses that to reach his hand right into the very core ofhumanity and uses this silly fantasy world to poke fun at all thelittle weird ticks and tells that make us human, and he does it allusing trolls and dwarves and wizards and witches and dragons andwerewolves and vampires and Heroes anddamsels-very-much-not-in-distress.

Likedude, holy fuck, this man wrote an entire novel about a charactersetting up the city post office.  Okay?? like… the postoffice.  You’d think it’d beboring as dirt, but it’s one of my favourite books of the seriesbecause Pratchett gives you this notorious conman who was finally captured and was then sentenced and hung by the neckuntil… almost dead.  And then he’s given a choice.  Either thetyrant of the city can finish what the hangman started, or else hecan go become Post Master General… a job that has killed multiplepeople already in a very short period of time under very mysteriouscircumstances.  In that book you have everything from a land pirate, to ghost letters, to demon horses, to a Golem Lady (and a lady golem), to interfering gods, and a race against the clock that gives me fuckingthrills literallyevery single time I read it.  And that’s just one book!  Of a frigginenormous series!  There is so much to choose from!

I knowthe big stopping factor for most people when it comes to theDiscworld is the size.  It’s a pretty big series.  But the beautifulthing about it is that almost every book stands alone and you canjump in practically anywhere.  The more books you read, the betteryou understand the world, but it’s not necessary – it’s like anadded bonus.

How itworks is like this: the BIG OVERARCHING SERIES is called theDiscworld.  All those books more or less go in chronological order,starting with The Colour of Magic and moving forward.  However,within Discworld all the books also fit into a whole bunch of smaller character arcs. So the first few books of the series can be sorted like this:RINCEWINDBOOKRINCEWINDBOOKWITCHESBOOKDEATHBOOKRINCEWINDBOOKWITCHESBOOKINDEPENDENT BOOKCITYWATCH BOOK…etc…So all of them are Discworld books and part of the bigger, chronological story, but ifyou’re reading the Rincewind Arc, you could easily read books 1, 2,skip three and four because they’re parts of different arcs, and thenread book 5.  Get it?  Kinda?  That’s usually how people recommend you readDiscworld – rather than reading THE FIRST DISCWORLD BOOK (which is…honestly… not that great), pick up and read the first book of acharacter arc that interests you.  (Like for me when I read my first book, I inadvertently ended up readingthe thirty-sixth Discworld novel which was also the secondbook of a character arc. And I still understood it all well enough to fallin love with the series.)

Sowhere to start?

Absolutely,without a doubt, my go-to recommendation for people with the CityWatch arc.  The first book of the series is called Gaurds!Guards!  Why start here? Because it has Sam. Fucking. Vimes. Who is probably my single favourite literary character of all times. You have never read about a character who is more badass,kind, clever, and brutally efficient than Sam Vimes, or who has moreheart-breaking integrity.  He is a man who is very, very capable ofbeing terrible, and so he works himself to the bone to make sure he isgood.

Vimeslives in the Discworld’s largest city, Anhk-Morpork, where he’s theCaptain of the failing Night Watch.  This is the city’s policeservice, and it’s a joke.  It’s run by a few incompetents who’drather avoid trouble and who everyone else happily ignores.  Thisstory opens with Sam Vimes, dead drunk in a gutter.  This is SamVimes, this is his life, and he can’t imagine he could have a better one or that it could possibly be worth pursing – he was bright-eyed and hopeful once too but he’s seen the ugliness of the world and the people that inhabit it. The Watch is useless, and so is he.  Everything carries on asnormal… until the night a dragon attacks the city and no one wantsto acknowledge or accept what happened – but Vimes knows what he saw. So Sam Vimes needs to pull together his bumbling little team andfigure out the mystery of the dragon and how to save the city.

Eachbook in the Watch Arc is basically like a murder mystery, if murdermysteries had the added excitement of involving magic, dwarf laws,werewolves, foreign powers, and exactly as much forensic science as you’d expect in themiddle ages.

Ofcourse, if you don’t want to start with the Watch books, there��sother good arcs.  The one with the post office I described is just athree book arc that comes later on in the Discworld series aboutMoist Von Lipwig.  The first book of this series is Going Postal. He’s a smooth-talking ex-conman who’s as curly as a corkscrew andsharp as whip.  These books are some of the funniest, I think,because Lipwig is such an amusing character to read about – hemanipulates and lies and basically tapdances around everyone elsewhile they struggle to keep up with the illusions he’s weaving.  He makes people see the shine…

Toomany men for you so far?  Try the Witches books.  These have an almostexclusive female cast, with a handful of male character playingsupporting roles, which for me at least is a really refreshing change.  Unlike Vimes and Moist, they live outside ofAnkh-Morpork, off in the rural mountainside where they live as villagewitches, a job that is about 10% magic and 90% knowing more thanother people and being Right All The Time.  Their books often aresatires on famous literary works – the first one is called Wyrd Sisters and it’s a play on Macbeth, or the one I just finished reading was areally funny one that was a play on of Phantom of the Opera.

TheTiffany books are similar.  She’s another witch, but unlike GrannyWeatherwax and Nanny Ogg from the Witches Arc who are old, experienced, and incredibly powerful witches, Tiffany is a child, abrand-new witch who is only just beginning to learn the ropes and constantly has to prove herself.  She’stenacious, a little pig-headed, and the sort of person who uses herbaby brother as bait in order to fight a river monster with a fryingpan.  Because how could that be a bad idea?  She’ll spit in the fairy queen’s eyes herself if that’s what it takes.  The first book of thisseries is Wee Free Men, and it’s one of Pratchett’s books that was written for a slightly younger audience, so it’s a slightly shorter, easier read if you wanta more gentle introduction to the series.

Oneother series that I don’t generally recommend that people start with,but which you might like, is the Death Arc.  Where the maincharacter is literally Death himself.  The first book is called Mort,and it’s about a boy who inadvertently becomes Death’s apprentice,and everything that happens to him from there…  This book does come earlier in the Discworld series though, and sometimes I find if you aren’t “used” to Pratchett’s way of writing already when you read it, it can be a little hard to get through.

There’sa couple other arcs besides, and I can tell you about others if you like, butthose ones are sort of my ~favourites~ and the ones that I think aresome of the best for introducing new readers to. (If anyone tries totell you to start with the Rincewind series, politely walk away asfast as you can.)  Still, the Watch series is still my favourite ;)

Here’shoping I won you over, because I am always desperate to make peopledescend into Discworld hell with me~  Let me know if you decide toread any because I am always 150% ready to talk Pratchett with people~

[harveyandmesite]

An introduction to me without Harvey...

So I’ll start around 4 years ago, it was my birthday. Of which I had spent alone, not unusual in the relationship I was currently in. The week earlier we had met after work in Prezzo in the Printworks Manchester. It was that day that changed the course of my life and led me to where I am now. Was it the right thing to be getting married he asked, and deep down I knew the answer was no, I had spent weeks on end sleeping downstairs on the couch, claiming insomnia when really I was in a blind panic about how I could possibly get out of this without hurting his feelings and more to the point wasting all of that money!!

Fast forward to a week later, I had been to slimming world for weigh in (at this point I had lost around 3 stone and was looking the best I had for a long time) I had KFC for a treat and spent the evening chasing the cat (which was a dick head btw) around the house who had stolen a chicken bone out of my fully loaded box meal. I knew that despite our best efforts, it was over. Sure enough I came home early from work the next day as did he, we talked and I packed a bag and I left.

I moved back home with my parents for a week before finding a flat on my own. It was then I started to mourn the loss of my best friend, breaking up is a process and strangely it felt like he had died. All those memories and private jokes, buried in a place neither of us would ever be again. I moved into the flat around Christmas and on my first night in there my friend Jenn stayed over, it was our works do. I woke up to what can only be described as an Ewok, and after thoroughly bleaching my bathroom, changing the bed and opening all of the windows, I sat back and thought is this really it? Is this what being single is about? One night stands full of remorse and disgust?

Christmas miserably came and went, I couldn’t tell you much about it, as all I remember was eating a family size quiche to myself on Boxing day and going to the pub. I’d booked the day of work, 27th December 2013 and was getting the internet installed in my flat, hurrah! I decided that now I had the internet, I would give internet dating a bash, as seemingly these days you can only find Ewoks and his weird bald friends in the bars of Manchester. I downloaded POF (plenty of fish) and picked out the best pictures of myself. Wow was this thing good for your ego! Within a few minutes I had message after message! I had replied to the least strange ones of the bunch, then later on that day received a message from Paul.

For what reason I don’t know, we started talking. Constantly, all day and night. He rapidly became the only person I wanted to talk to, we seemed to get each other and bonded over crisp butties. We must have got to know pretty much everything about each other within those two weeks of talking before we finally met in town, at The English Lounge. I spent all day thinking of reasons not to go, half expecting a murderer to turn up and had friends on standby to come and rescue me if he was, any hoo, I got myself ready in a low cut blue dress, tights and some weird sparkly pumps as I was nervous about being taller than him if I had worn boots and my mum dropped me off. I crossed the road and there he was, stood under a little stoop sheltering from the rain and smoking a cigarette. As cheesy as it sounds I just knew, I knew he was the one, he was the crisp to my butty.

We got engaged in May 2015 and booked the wedding for 24th September 2016. On a rare weekend off together in July, the 30th to be exact we went to some caves in Harrogate for the day. After trolling around these caves for a few hours I got in the car and felt shattered, I had a feeling, I couldn’t be could I? Our friends were coming around that evening so when Paul went out to pick them up I did a pregnancy test, and sure enough the faintest blue line appeared “hmmmm” I thought, perhaps it was just the light. The day after I popped out to Asda and bought another £1 test, didn’t want to spend too much as I wasn’t pregnant right? It wasn’t going to be that easy for me I’d always thought. I popped upstairs took the test and started frying an egg for my breakfast. The minutes passed and it was time to check, I flipped over the test, and dropped the frying pan, hot oil and half cooked snotty egg all over the floor. SHIT. I’m pregnant.

NO! no no no! This wasn’t in the plan, the plan was to get married in my beautiful and very expensive wedding dress. WHAT IF IT DOESN’T FIT? My mum is going to kill me. So I cried, I cried and cried and cried. Why I don’t know, because this was the plan, babies were always in the plan but it wasn’t in the order I had wanted and seeing those two lines, even if it is in the plan is terrifying. I phoned Paul and explained what was going on, he was so happy! “But it’s got to come outttttttttt” I wailed down the phone, dramatic as always!

£50 later I turned up at the doctors and emptied out 15 tests from my handbag, all which said positive. But I hadn’t missed my period yet, so I didn’t fully accept I was pregnant until I missed it, I went to the races the Friday after and had a vodka and two cigarettes. I still feel guilty about those cigarettes and the harm they could have done.

Over those next few early weeks of pregnancy, we finalised the last parts of our wedding, our close family and friends knew and my 12 week scan was booked the day before the big day. My hen do was supposed to be a large druken affair in York with the different friend groups I had scraped together. Struggling with the pregnancy news and also the stresses of the upcoming wedding, the hen do had to change, I couldn’t go on a booze filled weekend with a large group of girls without them all finding out so I messaged my bridesmaids and changed it. I lost alot of friends. I lost alot of friends due to my behaviour and the reaction to that, I couldn’t go on the hen do I had wanted because I was pregnant, as brattish as that seems, I was upset. I had never had a big group of girlfriends and I couldn’t wait! I took my frustrations out on the wrong people, one in particular. I still miss her now (the others too in a way) but part of me thinks it’s too late for an apology.

The wedding day came and went, it was everything we had hoped for and apart from Paul’s crazy mother (maybe more on her another time) it was easily the best day of our lives.

All of the above leads me to now, as I sit here with my snoozing 7 week old, mum bun and tracksuit bottoms. I had cookies for tea (I will get back to that slimming world at some point) and I have sick on my vest top. All of those events led to me being a wife, a step mum and most importantly a mummy and this is my space on the internet where I can be free, I can talk about how terribly lonely it is at times, how amazingly beautiful and clever my little boy is, how every day spent with him is a huge mixture of emotions and how I have changed and grown as a person. Maybe about the things I like too!

So here I am warts and all. Jennifer, aged 29. Mummy to Harvey.