#it's an unpopular service at most shops

[magnetictapedatastorage]

its six days before christmas and i Really don't want to haul ass two hours into lower manhattan just to shave some dude's face for zero dollars as practice 💀

[gothicprep]

i saw a prompt on twitter asking for unpopular opinions about the sims franchise. i switch between the sims 3 and the sims 4 when i decide to play one of the games, and i feel like i have more room to talk than someone who hasn't dusted off the former in a decade.

the first is that imo people have rose colored nostalgia glasses on with the hotel management feature that was introduced in island paradise. the challenge is basically clearing a checklist for hiring enough employees, maximally upgrading the "hotel tower" object, buying each kind of buffet table and setting the quality to high, and putting enough gym equipment in the common areas. after that, the place becomes passive income for the most part.

the "hotel tower" is a pre-made object that you can't customize with the create-a-style tool, and it comes in three styles – a tapered, miami-esque resort skyscraper, a spanish mission-style villa thing, and a set of coastal american beach town cabanas. each tower object only comes in three swatches, and it's very limiting if building is your thing and you don't just want to buy and renovate one of the existing resort lots in isla paradiso. there's also a weird glitch where there will be trash thrown onto inaccessible parts of the common area buildings (the roof) and you need to use the move objects cheat to clean that up.

another note on that: you can't buy an army of bonehildas in lieu of maintenance staff. so much for cross-pack compatibility.

the second one is that the mixology skill in ts3 is paywalled behind late night, but all the worlds have bars. they aren't real bars, they're generic lot types that have a magic bullet blender-esque contraption and no service. the only thing sims can make at those bars is something called a "quick drink", which looks like diluted tide detergent. every time i open a new ts3 save, i need to manually go into each bar/pub/club/venue lot, and manually replace the smoothie of death object with a functional service bar. same thing with coffee shops and the university life paywall, but ts4 also paywalls coffee shops and espresso art isn't a skill anywhere, so i guess we're even. somewhat.

i love the sims 3 or else i wouldn't revisit it, but you've all forgotten who she really is...

[pirdmystery]

sylvain jose gautier for the ask game

oiuhgggghhhggggggggggg…

first impression: it is important to note that i literally got into 3h because i knew it as “that game with sylvain in it.” i didn’t even know what to expect from him other than that. so when dimitri introduces him as “a bit of a skirt chaser” or whatever i’m like lol ok?? what??

impression now: if anyone is interested… go through my sylvain tags to get a feel for this. i’ve been spiraling lately. suffice to say i am SO sick about him like more and more every day. christ alive talk about a guy with problems. the way he is so smart and so soft but he is absolutely determined not to let anyone know either of those things… noooo I’m actually just a wacky little guy don’t worry about me… i’m just the comic relief… doing fine… yeah i know i said “burn until we meet again” and “see you in hell i guess” but that’s just because I’m being soooooo funny and normal… i’ve also never cried in my life btw…

fav moment: there are so many blink and you miss it unhinged sylvain moments in this damn game. i’ve talked about it recently but the fact. that if he does badly on a lesson and you pick console instead of critique he gets really bitchy and pissed off. like jesus christ. sorry for trying to extend you some gentleness buddy will not make that mistake again.

also let’s take a moment to recognize the iconic “it killed my brother and now it’s mine.” certified sylvain moment

idea for a story: i have billions. i never stop emotionally tormenting this man. got a 20 years post cf angstfest about he and felix coming. beyond that i am obsessed with the prospect of a sylvain/mercedes/ingrid ot3 and someday i am going write a fic with them that isn’t just the extensive smut that currently exists in my google docs

fav relationship: i have got to go with ingrid. i do very much ship sylgrid romantically and they make me sooooooooo unwell but even if i didn’t their friendship is just so important to me in a way i really struggle to put words to. the way they understand each other perfectly but that makes it almost harder for them to get through to each other because of all the layers of bullshit they have built up around the true version of themselves that the other sees. they bump heads a lot but the way it’s so obvious that under whatever they might be clashing about and the baggage of their years of friendship there is this foundation of unconditional love that is not going anywhere no matter what oh god suddenly i cant see the screen and there’s something happening to my eyes oh god

a fun thing about sylvain is that i could write equally unhinged paragraphs about his relationships with mercedes and dorothea!! something about girls he would normally flirt with and their response is :) hey i see you btw! and sylvain is forced to crumble like a little baby. i cannot get enough of that shit. get seen idiot. i’ve also been known to enjoy some yurivain and dimivain and claudevain for not dissimilar reasons.

unpopular opinion: once again idk what is popular!! i feel like my shipping tastes with him are not the most popular but everyone is nice to me when i talk about them so. it’s all good

favorite headcanon: most bisexual man on the planet. i also love making him work service jobs lmao. he works at subway in my sylgrid fic but there are so many other things i want to subject him to. he should have to sing happy birthday to people at applebees. he should be a barista at a shitty coffee shop. mostly this is because it’s funny but i also think would be deeply in character for sylvain to plant himself somewhere far below his skill level and languish there as if there were nothing else he could do about it.

tysm for letting me go off about him… man. sylvain.

[aclaywrites]

Noooooooooo for a bunch of reasons. I’m not having sex with a man under any circumstances, but in this case it’s not even the main reason for my ‘no’.

First and foremost for my baby, I wanted two things: genetic screening to rule out any problems that could possibly be ruled out, and most importantly of all: no way for the man to be involved with us or the baby. I didn’t even want to see his face so that when I look at my daughter I don’t see any part of him. I don’t want to know him, don’t want him coming around thinking this is his kid. We shopped from a catalog and chose what characteristics we wanted. My family is all short so I wanted a man over 6 feet tall, that way if the baby was a boy he’d have some chance at height since men give short men shit because everything has to be a competition or opportunity to put someone else down 🙄. We also learned that red haired men are hard to find in sperm donor services because they’re unpopular and almost never chosen (shame!) so we looked until we found a guy who was half-Scots and I felt confident the red hair gene was in there somewhere (and my Punnet square worked!). We did pay extra for a man who was willing to be known. At 18, my daughter can contact him if she wants to, and make that path for herself, but I don’t want to know him or have him know me. I wanted a distant stranger with attributes I could choose for my own genetic use and that’s it.

I have several sets of friends who used a gay male friend as their donor ( the same guy for all the sets of friends) and they were so surprised we didn’t want to ask him too. Then when all their children got older, he started coming around saying ‘it’s time I got to know all my kids!’ And the ladies were stunned and kind of upset and we were like ‘yeah’.

So for once I’m saying hell no to sex with a man, and it’s not even about the sex 😂

[hughungrybear]

7 Comfort Movies

Tagged by @imlivingformyselfdontmindme (post here). I have to confess that I have not seen the inside of a cinema since the pandemic. However, I do have tons of subscriptions from different streaming services and most of my favourite movies are old anyway lol 😅

In no particular order

1. It Happened One Night (1934, United States)

Starring Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert

Synopsis: In Frank Capra's acclaimed romantic comedy, spoiled heiress Ellie Andrews (Claudette Colbert) impetuously marries the scheming King Westley, leading her tycoon father (Walter Connolly) to spirit her away on his yacht. After jumping ship, Ellie falls in with cynical newspaper reporter Peter Warne (Clark Gable), who offers to help her reunite with her new husband in exchange for an exclusive story. But during their travels, the reporter finds himself falling for the feisty young heiress.

2. Crazy Little Thing Called Love (2010, Thailand)

Starring Baifern Pimchanok, Mario Maurer

Synopsis: A junior schoolgirl Nam (Pimchanok Luevisetpaiboon) falls in love with her schoolboy senior Chone (Mario Maurer) but is afraid to show her feelings to him, partly because Chone is everyone’s idol, and Nam regards herself as unpopular, homely-looking, and average. She has nothing that can make him notice her. But with the support of her three best friends, Nam revolutionizes herself, starting with her looks and activities to get him to notice her.

3. That Thing Called Tadhana [Fate] (2014, Philippines)

Starring Angelica Panganiban, JM de Guzman

Synopsis: A story about a broken-hearted girl who meets a boy in a not-so-normal way. Together, they go to places and find out "Where do broken hearts go?"

4. Koe no Katachi [A Silent Voice] (2016, Japan)

Starring Miyu Irino, Saori Hayami

Synopsis: As a wild youth, elementary school student, Shouya Ishida sought to beat boredom in the cruelest ways. When the deaf Shouko Nishimiya transfers into his class, Shouya and the rest of his class thoughtlessly bully her for fun. However, when her mother notifies the school, he is singled out and blamed for everything done to her. With Shouko transferring out of the school, Shouya is left at the mercy of his classmates. He is heartlessly ostracized all throughout elementary and middle school, while teachers turn a blind eye. Now in his third year of high school, Shouya is still plagued by his wrongdoings as a young boy. Sincerely regretting his past actions, he sets out on a journey of redemption: to meet Shouko once more and make amends.

5. While You Were Sleeping (1995, United States)

Starring Sandra Bullock, Bill Pullman

Synopsis: Lonely transit worker Lucy Eleanor Moderatz (Sandra Bullock) pulls her longtime crush, Peter (Peter Gallagher), from the path of an oncoming train. At the hospital, doctors report that he's in a coma, and a misplaced comment from Lucy causes Peter's family to assume that she is his fiancée. When Lucy doesn't correct them, they take her into their home and confidence. Things get even more complicated when she finds herself falling for Peter's sheepish brother, Jack (Bill Pullman).

6. Empire Records (1995, United States)

Starring Ethan Embry, Rory Cochrane, Robin Tunney, Liv Tyler, Renee Zellweger, Anthony LaPaglia

Synopsis: Joe (Anthony LaPaglia) runs Empire Records, an independent Delaware store that employs a tight-knit group of music-savvy youths. Hearing that the shop may be sold to a big chain, slacker employee Lucas (Rory Cochrane) bets a chunk of the store's money, hoping to get a big return. When this plan fails, Empire Records falls into serious trouble, and the various other clerks, including lovely Corey (Liv Tyler) and gloomy Deb (Robin Tunney), must deal with the problem, among many other issues.

7. Clerks (1994, United States)

Starring Brian O'Halloran, Jeff Anderson, Jay and Silent Bob

Synopsis: Dante (Brian O'Halloran) is called in to cover a shift at his New Jersey convenience store on his day off. His friend Randal (Jeff Anderson) helps him pass the time, neglecting his video-store customers next door to hang out in the Quick Stop. The uneventful day is disrupted by news that one of Dante's ex-girlfriends has died. After attending her memorial service, Dante muses over staying with current girlfriend Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) or reuniting with ex Caitlin (Lisa Spoonhauer).

Tagging @lost-my-sanity1, @telomeke, @bengiyo @shortpplfedup and anyone who sees this and would want to play 😊

[theowritesfiction]

Okay, so I have been watching The Bear, and I eventually got into the show over the course of S1, but now watching S2, it’s really pissing me off, I think it’s one of the most disappointing sophomore seasons in the history of TV, and I want to rant about it.

But first I wanted to address the rave reviews this show is getting on RT, especially the glowing audience reviews (I don’t give a rat’s ass about the critic reviews, there’s too much group think, peer pressure, conformism and paid shilling going on there that it’s not worth looking at). I looked at the audience reviews in more detail and immediately realized that the ‘people’ giving this show 5-star reviews all follow the same naming convention like Adam F, Christina V, Sam R, etc. In short – almost all of them are bots posting AI generated tripe. The 93% audience review aggregate is a complete sham.

Anyway, why do I hate S2? Well, I found this web article 10 Unpopular Opinions About the Bear and figured I’d look at them to see whether I agree or disagree. So, here we go.

10. The Bear Should Have Continued With The Beef, Not Gone Fine Dining

Yes, fuck yes. The chaotic atmosphere of a greasy spoon/rundown sandwich shop was what made the show. Transitioning to fine dining creates this immediate pretentious vibe that’s completely at odds with S1 mood/themes. And while shows always need to keep evolving, I feel like this was way too radical shift from one end of the spectrum to the very opposite end. Also, I haven’t been to Chicago and don’t know too much about the city, but I have a pair of eyes that still work, and they tell me that this is not a fucking fine dining location, like, it’s just not.

9. The Bear Should Have Stopped After Season 1

Why? Just make a season that doesn’t suck.

8. The Bear Symbolism Is Too On The Nose

I don’t care about the symbolism. It’s handled so ham-fistedly that it literally adds nothing to the show.

7. Ayo Edebiri Is Not A Good Sydney

Disagree. I know Sydney is a polarizing character (although if you want to find out actual valid reasons why someone might not like her, do expect that you’ll have to wade through a disturbing amount of hatred for ambitious black women), but her ‘problematic’ jerk moments are interesting to me, and I think are well acted.

6. Marcus Was Right to Keep Working on his Donuts

Obviously not, Marcus is a part of a brigade, work shift is no time for his pet projects. That said, the episode of Marcus in Copenhagen is the most boring episode in recent TV history. 35 minutes on basically telling me that he leveled up his cooking skill. That could have been an e-mail.

Also, this is why I hate fine dining. Instead of making delicious donuts, this guy spent months training how to prepare pretentious desserts that only the rich 1% will be able to afford. Good job, Marcus, you’re now ready to lick the boots of the rich elites.

5. Richie Was The Real Victim Of The Bear Season 1, Episode 7

No, and triple fuck Richie, the worst character of past decade in TV history. I remember reading one of the anti-Sydney threads on reddit hellhole, and people were posting in masses about how ‘well at least Richie isn’t as bad as Sydney’ and ‘at least Richie gets his redemption’. I’m now at S2E7 and I’m still waiting for this asshole to show any redeeming qualities. I don’t know, maybe I’ve had one too many toxic coworkers like Richie, but I hate this guy an unreasonable amount, I want to stick ice picks in his eye sockets and leave him to bleed out as a service to humankind.

4. The Bear Season 2 Was A Letdown

Yeah, no shit.

3. (ignored as it deals with S2 finale spoilers)

2. People Should Ship Sydney & Marcus, Not Syd & Carmy

Hard disagree. People can ship who they want, but both of these pairings will be dysfunctional. As someone who’s all about shipping, I will be the first to say that this show shouldn’t be about ships. All of these people are completely toxic workaholic assholes who have no time for relationships and should never consider entering one. Syd/Marcus and Syd/Carmy is essentially marrying your job for the second time.

1.      Claire's Story In The Bear Season 2 Didn't Work

Again, no shit, and what I’m going to say shouldn’t be taken as an insult to Claire, I have nothing against her character, but rather to the way she was used. Claire is pretty much used to show that Carmy is unable to have normal healthy romantic relationships. But I already knew that from everything the show told us about Carmy before introducing Claire, so I feel like the show is treating me like a child by talking down to me and repeatedly pointing out the obvious. In the end, Claire is reduced to being a completely unnecessary story vehicle to tell us something we already knew, with no agenda of her own.

So yeah, as you can tell, it’s been a very rough watch. I definitely do NOT recommend The Bear to anyone. Do yourself a favor and stay well away.

[archaeocommunologist]

My hot take is that I actually don't consider anarchists to be on "my side" at all. It's a running gag that people on tumblr pay lip service to "left unity," saying things like "we may disagree on long-term goals and esoterica, but at the end of the day anarchists are still my comrades." Speak for yourself lmao.

My comrades are normie civil servants and shop stewards, the people I actually work with to accomplish actual things in the real world. My comrades are the people in universities and government departments who are on the ground building climate adaptations and reducing emissions and re-wetting the fucking peat bogs. I take seriously that Castro quote about the radical doctor, and how useless he is working alone.

Most anarchists have zero experience with effecting change, which is why they're universally so depressed and hopeless. They openly call themselves useless, irrelevant, helpless and unpopular as literally their first rhetorical defense to being questioned.

Fine then! I have work to do. But if you sit out the struggle, you have no room to criticise. The future is being built, with or without you, and your pathetic fantasies of apocalypse will not succor you one whit. Bitch.

[littencloud9]

yosano and/or itadori for the character ask game?

omg the specialest people ever…

heres yosano

first impression: i watched bsd anime before i read the manga… so i thought she was that powerful sexy woman archetype 😞

impression now: AUGHHHHHHHHHH. HER STORY HURTS ME SO MUCH. also her ability is beautiful and more people should talk about it

favourite moment: her and chuuya’s fight was so funny to me. mlm wlw hostility. they should let her swing her big ass knife around more often

idea for a story: oh god its in my wips but basically its ranpo&yosano centric (for an event Haha) and yosano vows to never use her ability again, but one day ranpo gets hurt really badly and she uses it again and she spirals because shes afraid the same thing will happen with the soldier and ranpo will end up resenting her and. yeah

unpopular opinion: i. i think she would absolutely hate kouyou actually. and people should stop depicting her as the mom of the agency (shes 25 she should be at the club!!!!)

favourite relationship: her and ranpo are the most special siblings ever god i could CRY. i also really love her and chuuya. not in the way that i think theyd be friends but i want to lock them in a room together and see what happens

favourite headcanon: she has a belly button piercing!! also she brings kyouka and naomi on girl errands together and loves them both like theyre her little sisters <3

-

and for itadori

first impression: pink!! so precious!!

impression now: SCREAMS AND THROWS UP. someone put him in a slice of life anime NOW. i need to wrap him in a comfy blanket and feed him soup thats my SON

favourite moment: not animated yet but when hes in that bathrobe sipping from a wine glass but its just juice… thats my boy

idea for a story: ive never watched the movies but spiderman!yuuji lives in my head rent free. i think itd be funny if he could swing around everywhere

unpopular opinion: he is the Best mc in jjk ever everyone who says he isnt should shut up. hes so kind and so strong and aughhhsvsh

favourite relationship: i cant say itafushi thats cheating so. him and nobara i MISS them please please please gege give them back. ALSO HIM AND NANAMI. IT MAKES ME SO SAD. but honourable mention to him and todo #bruzahh4ever

favourite headcanon: hes a really good cook and enjoys cooking for his friends! i also think acts of services would be his love language. eg he organises megumi’s bookshelf for him, he carries nobara’s shopping even after complaining about it, he does everyone’s laundry randomly… i love him so much

[lol-jackles]

https://twitter.com/adamconover/status/1653272585252257793

This guy lists everything out in a pretty easy to understand way for those of us who don't really understand what is happening. With all the things asked for and the responses/counter-offers, are you thinking we're looking at a long strike? I mean, if the strike goes on for too long than even renewed shows might still be at risk when everything is said and done. It happened last strike.

Link. This is 2007, season 2. Except it's worse because WGA is bargaining from a place of weakness and herefore with a lot less leverage. I mean, striking right before The Great Recession and just as streaming services are falling apart at the seam and losing money? Long time readers know my gripes with unions and why I left the industry. I am pro-collective bargaining, but I'm union wary.

Personally, most people I know in the business (including writers) don’t see any need for the WGA. It stifles creativity by excluding talented writers from gaining a foothold in the industry, and it forces producers to pay very high rates to mediocre writers.

A good writer doesn’t need the intervention of a closed-shop trade union. If the work is good or profitable, then the writer will be in a position to negotiate a fair and equitable rate. At best, writers will simply become freelancers and take their talents to other countries that don’t have such restrictive practices.  This is not unpopular opinion, I’ve known a few writers who wrote for major sitcoms and said strikes are pointless.  The last strike didn’t benefit them when the union gave away the internet.

With that said, I think the studios did this to themselves. They went out of their way to hire young, inexperienced writers because they were cheap and easy to control (see my fraudulent creator post). Then when their projects failed and lost money for the studios, the same studios tighten their fiscal belts while these same fraudulent creators writers are striking even though they have no leverages to get raises. I really wish things were different and there were some way good writers get paid and bad writers get fired, but there should have been a more meritocratic system from Day 1, instead of being cheap then to lose money now.

[championofravens]

Makima for the character ask game?

I am being thrown my favorite enrichment toy, ty!!

favorite thing about them This is so fucking difficult but uhhhhhh I am going to pick that my favorite thing about her is how her apartment is sparsely decorated, devoid of any personal taste or aesthetic, except for a single painting we see in a single panel:

the symbolism. the everything. god. yes. YES.

least favorite thing about them

I think the specific terminology of her calling herself a "fan" of Chainsaw Man is hokey. I really wish they used some more fun terms in conjunction with that so we could get a better idea of the breadth of her faith and their relationship.

favorite line

"The sixth sense that every human used to have… the light of a certain star in the sky that drove children mad… the four other possibilities other than death that existed for a living being that reached the end of its lifespan… they have all disappeared and can no longer be remembered now. But I can still see the image of Chainsaw Man fighting those demons."

Very easy to pick, only had to scramble for a minute to pull up the page cause I have it saved everywhere. The coolest piece of writing in the whole of the manga and such a profound and haunting look into Makima's mind. She IS the haunted house she's trapped in!!

brOTP

I really really like whatever fucked up respect she has for Kishibe! I really like how she never truly lied or plotted against him, though she was obviously aware he was plotting against everything she built. I think she genuinely enjoyed having him around (while he was useful...)

OTP

In typical Tali fashion, the REAL OTP is my oc Ahashi and Makima dying hand in unlovable hand together. But I actually think folk who ship her with Quanxi are INCREDIBLY powerful chads and people who write Makima as a repressed lesbian especially with that ship? Chefs kiss. Not my headcanon but delectable.

nOTP

Thankfully I don't need to be unpopular here 'cause the answer is Makima/Denji in any form or fashion

random headcanon

Her coffee shop orders are incredibly high maintenance as she only wants very particular tea and coffee blends but she is a loyal and dedicated regular so she is treated a bit like royalty.

unpopular opinion

Makima is a multifaceted character with multiple motivations and goals she keeps juggling one atop another- her desire to control, her desire to indulge in sadism, her desire to forward the future, her desire to obtain the heart of Chainsaw Man- and all of them are subconsciously acting in service of her most long buried desire to find someone she can form a genuine bond with.

song i associate with them

I do have a playlist for her but I'll throw in a deep cut that isn't on there: I Felt Younger When We Met by Waterparks

I've never seen a face with your type of shine You moved in behind my eyes and built yourself a shrine But then you ran away And you left the picture frames Now I don't see my face the same

hey as I was writing this, I learned my animated Makima wallpaper fucking syncs with my SPOTIFY MUSIC and this bitch started flashing her eyes at me in the rhythm to the bass as I hit play on the song and I thought I was actually going to be killed

favorite picture of them

I'm gonna pick 3 that I think can qualify as my top picks but god this fandom is just overflowing with the most incredible depictions of Makima...

The first image by Blankk on Twitter, the second by Alysius here on Tumblr, and the third by tumblr user Nathan!

(makima drawn by a lesbian, makima drawn divine, and makima drawn like a horror movie monster. PERFECT)

oh and my favorite canon image? probably the double-whammy that was this page:

her in the ocean is so iconic, the dress, the head tilt, the smirk, followed by that GORGEOUS portrait of her getting shot, her expression, the way her hair moves, her fucking eyes, hrrrgdfhdfhd

[daddyd0nt]

Unpopular opinion but you should try to speak the language of the country you are in.  When I went to Germany, I learned German, I didn't expect to be spoken to in English.  And I have no problem with people speaking their native language in the home/raising their children to be bilingual, I think that is beautiful and wonderful, but if you are going to be part of the community in an English-speaking country, you should at least ATTEMPT to learn/speak English.  It was frustrating when I worked at the flower shop when some guy would just come in and say the word "Espanol" until I got one of the girls from the back to help me translate the order section-by-section.  Even just "Hola, Espanol por favor" would have made a difference but these dudes would just come in and say nothing but the name of their language until I disrupted the work of somebody in the back and had them translate, doubling the amount of people needed to make the transaction.  Even just learning the phrase "Hello, I do not speak English" or "Hello, I speak only Spanish, can anybody translate" would be 100X more respectful than just repeating "Espanol" at me like Im an automated phone menu.  you don't even need to be able to converse with me in English but there are enough free resources that you should learn a few basic phrases to get u through the community, it shouldn't be the job of the community to accommodate your refusal to learn (although it SHOULD be the job of the community to provide u with resource to learn and accommodate the fact that you are in the process of learning).  IDK I just find it really rude, especially when dealing with customer service, the girls in the back have jobs of their own that they have to do, they aren't being paid to translate our conversation and while they are doing so their workload in the back is piling up, you can't just walk into a store in an English speaking country and assume "somebody here will speak my language", you need to make at least a 1/10th of an effort and memorize some basic phrases, especially ones you find yourself needing to use often.  I don't understand why so many people think its okay to just straight up not speak the language of the country you live in and not make even the most minimal effort to learn it.  Nobody's asking you to be Shakespeare but like I said, when I traveled to another country, I learned that country's language and practiced it at every opportunity even when my German friends wanted to talk in English to practice their English I was insistent that, while in Germany, I would speak German (which, again, a lot of kids in my program just straight up DIDN'T, they just relied on the fact that most Germans speak English as a second language and I found it so totally rude).  Not to mention, opening up government-subsidized facilities for people who might have come as refugees/undocumented/under conditions where they could not learn English before moving here to learn English and work toward citizenship or at the very least getting properly documented so you can send ur kids to school and pay taxes would create thousands of English teaching jobs/entry level secretarial jobs and help these people become less marginalized/isolated in their community.  But instead we take that funding and build concentration camps at the border.

[the-english-student-studyblr]

Back on the asexuality research binge again! Also had my covid booster today. The queue was so long and it was so cold out, I'm glad I'm back home in the warm now.

18th December - What is your favourite Christmas song/carol?

Maybe an unpopular opinion, and definietly one that sounds like a meme answer, but I unironically adore the Christmas album that came out alongside Into the Spiderverse. Other than that, I have fond memories of singing 'Little Donkey' at the christingle service back when I was in primary school so probably that one.

19th December - What is a Christmas song that makes you cringe?

Oh dear. If I had to come up with one off the top of my head, 'Santa baby'. Just why? Why does that song exist?

20th December - What is your favourite and least favourite holiday/winter food?

I'm a big fan of baked goods, so gingerbread is definitely up there - especially German lebkuchen, and it's not specifically a holiday food I think, but my family always makes æbleskiver on boxing day for breakfast and it's brilliant with a dusting of icing sugar or some jam. As for least favourite, I hate things like fruit cake and Christmas pudding - mostly because of the dried fruits - and my mum always drags out the brussel sprouts for roast dinners and they're truly awful.

21st December - What was the most memorable holiday celebration you had at school?

In primary school, every class would make a decoration each and they'd get hung from what looked sort of like a cot mobile for babies but was actually made out of hula-hoops. They were all made out of paper and objectively pretty bad, but they'd get hung up in the hall and walking in for assembly that day and looking up at all the decorations hanging from the ceiling was just beautiful.

22nd December - Finish this thought, “It wouldn’t be Christmas without _____.”

It wouldn't be Christmas without doing one last food shop early in the morning on Christmas Eve, even though you don't really need anything, and telling yourself it'll be quick because it's 5am, except everyone else had the same thought so it takes 2 hours minimum and most of it is the queue for the checkout.

[frustrated-writer-skyeknight]

HiJack AU - How to Train Your Dragon Plotbunnies

Because I have so many WIP fics, I really shouldn’t dare write more unless they’re oneshots. But this is one AU that’s been in my head for a while, thanks to Viking!AU fanarts. However, I still don’t know how I could put a unique spin on the plot. So here are simple headcanons of it.

If anyone wants to use this to write their own fic, I don’t mind. Just lemme know and credit I guess.

Both Hiccup and Jack are Gobber’s blacksmith apprentices. In Jack’s case, he’s mostly an assistant.

Jack is sort of the official unofficial charge of Trader Johanne, and he house keeps the hut where the man puts up shop when he was staying in the island to sell his wares.

When Jack’s not on duty, he also helps in herding the sheep when Trader Johanne is in his travels and restocking wares. (If I wrote a fic though, Trader Johanne would probably be written off and replaced by either North or Aster)

At first, Jack slept in and resided in the lone hut he’s supposed to be housekeeping for Trader Johanne. Until Hiccup finally offered him to stay over at his place when the trader wasn’t in the island, so Jack wouldn’t have to be alone.

Hiccup still has a crush on Astrid

Jack is Hiccup’s only friend in the island who pokes fun at him without ‘making fun of him.’

Jack has a crush on Hiccup.

Jack is aquaphobic, which was why Trader Johanne/Aster/North finally had him settle down in one of the places he normally visited to make trades and also considered home.

When they’re both free, Hiccup teaches Jack how to swim and help him break out of his phobia, at Jack’s request. They haven’t gotten very far though.

When Gobber started training recruits on Stoick’s orders, Jack’s the only one who doesn’t sign up. He didn’t need to, after all. He wasn’t a Viking by birth. Still, as a sort of Berkian citizen, his service went to medic practices and was still required to learn the fundamentals of self defense.

Lesser dragons kept breaking his herding staff, so he finally had Hiccup forge him something sturdier. Fighting off lesser dragons till someone comes in to finally send them away or capture them was the norm when he watched the flock.

One time, a dragon almost carried Jack off which gave both himself and Hiccup a heart attack. Stoick’s the one who stopped the dragon from doing so (I don’t know how, but let’s just say he did)

Jack pranks Snotlout and the others, well, mostly Snotlout, whenever he pushes Hiccup around. Never right after, or that would be obvious. Luckily, he was good and quick at escaping after the prank’s been pulled. Plus, Snotlout never does notice, and furthermore doesn’t remember, the herd guy. So it was easy for Jack to keep at it.

That’s why Jack wasn’t as unpopular to Tuffnut and the others. They all think Snotlout could be taken down a peg or two. Ruffnut might have a crush on him, too.

Jack doesn’t let Hiccup know he loves pranking Snotlout especially for Hiccup’s honor. After all, he pranks most people every now and then. Even Astrid (okay that was once and he learned to NEVER pull one on her again). He lets Hiccup think he’s only doing it for pure fun.

Hiccup knows Jack pranks Snotlout in his defense. They’re best friends. Of course, why wouldn’t he? He wonders why Jack doesn’t just admit it though.

Of course this is HiJack, so Hiccup will eventually stop crushing on Astrid and HiJack happily ever after lol. And if I ever got far enough to write until 2 and 3, I’d either ship Astrid with Eret or include Jamie into this story as well.

Beginning of the movie narration of this AU would be alternating Jack and Hiccup voiceover. Would go something like this:

Hiccup (V.O.): This is Berk. It's twelve days north of Hopeless, and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death.

[We glide through the fog to see two giant Viking statues with fires burning in their mouths.]

Hiccup (V.O.): It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery.

[We go past the statues only to dive through a crashing wave and jump to a closer shot of the island. As we pan in a circular motion, we see several structures, houses, and a sheep farm.]

Hiccup (V.O.): My village. In a word, sturdy. And it's been here for seven generations, but, every single building is new. We have fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets.

[We land on two sheep grazing in the grass.]

Hiccup (V.O.): The only problems are the pests. (A dragon carries one sheep away. The other resumes grazing.) You see, most places have mice or mosquitoes. We have...

[A dragon fires at the screen as a door slams shut, a boy cowering behind it]

Hiccup (V.O.): -dragons. 

Jack ( V.O. ): Berk was one heck of a village. Most people would considering leaving. Not these guys. They’re Vikings. 

Hiccup (V.O.): We have, stubbornness issues. 

(Hiccup runs outdoors, where all the houses are on fire and Vikings are tussling with dragons all around) 

Jack ( V.O. ): Why am I here then, if I’m not a Viking? Well, Trader Johanne left me here to watch his local shop while he was out trading elsewhere. 

Jack (V.O.): It took me weeks to stop hunching my shoulders in case a dragon would swoop by and take me away. Months, until Hiccup offered to start housing me. Or hutting me, I guess. 

Jack (V.O.): Also, he’s the one reminding me to make sure I go to the Trader’s shop and keep it tidy every now and then. When I’m not doing that, I’m watching the sheep or here at Gobber’s, helping him sell his wares. But enough of me, this story is about Hiccup.

Hiccup (V.O.): My name's Hiccup. Great name, I know. But, it's not the worst. Parents believe a hideous name will frighten off gnomes and trolls. Like our charming Viking demeanor wouldn't do that. 

Jack (V.O.): Honestly, he’s the most charming and decent looking Viking around but I guess I can’t really talk, as he’s the only Viking I’ve had the pleasure of actually getting to know.

[Two enormous torches are raised and lit. The dragons swarm around them.]

[Hiccup runs into a blacksmith shop and puts on an apron]

Gobber: Ah! Nice of you to join the party! I thought you'd been carried off!

Jack (V.O.): Well, okay, I’ve also gotten to know Gobber, since I work for him every now and then. But his charm is a bit... More unique in quality, I guess. Still, good guy. No problems with him, except when he interrupts my fun free time to abruptly ask me to watch the shop as he does gods know what else.

Hiccup: What, who me? Nah, come on! I'm waaaay too muscular for their taste. They wouldn't know what to do with all... (gestures to his skinny body) ...this.

Gobber: Well, they need toothpicks, don't they?

[Jack starts snickering, Hiccup threw him a dirty look before throwing a shield at him and the other easily caught it and immediately passed it over to some at the other side of the window]

Hiccup (V.O.): The meathead with attitude and interchangeable hands is Gobber. I've been his apprentice ever since I was little. Well, littler. The one handing out replacement weapons, to anyone passing by who needs them, is Jack. He’s my best friend. Pretty easy to be, considering he’s also my only friend.

Jack (V.O.): Hiccup’s my best friend. Of course I like spending time with him. Also, I’d like something more than that. There’s just one little issue with that...

[scene cuts to Stoick on the watch-tower]

Stoick: We move to the lower defenses. We'll counter-attack with the catapults.

[A dragon swoops down and sets another house on fire.]

Viking: FIRE!

Astrid: Alright, let's go!

[The Viking teens are seen carrying buckets of water as Hiccup in the voiceover introduces them one by one]

Hiccup (V.O.): Oh, and that's Fishlegs, Snotlout, the Twins, Ruffnut and Tuffnut, and... (dreamily) Astrid. 

Jack (V.O.): That’s right. Astrid. Oh, no. I have no problem with her at all, as a person. A little serious maybe, could smile more I guess. But she’s got passion, determination. Responsible, too, and that’s nothing bad. The issue I’m talking about is Hiccup being into her.

Hiccup (V.O.): Oh, their job is so much cooler. (Slow motion shot of the teens walking away from an explosion)

[Hiccup leans out of the smithing window to get a better look. Gobber lifts him up and back into the shop.]

Hiccup: Oh, come on. Let me out, please? I need to make my mark!

Gobber: Oh, you've made plenty of marks. All in the wrong places!

Hiccup: Please, two minutes. I'll kill a dragon. My life will get infinitely better. I might even get a date.

Jack: Great plan Hic. Except you can't lift a hammer, you can't swing an axe, you can't even throw one of these.

[Jack holds up a bola and a Viking grabs it and uses it to bring down a dragon]

Hiccup: Okay, fine, but this will throw it for me.

[Hiccup pats a wooden machine, which opens and shoots a bola randomly, Jack yelps and takes a nose dive to dodge the launched projectile which ended up hitting a Viking standing in outside a window.]

Viking: Arggh!

Gobber: See, now this right here is what I'm talking about!

Hiccup: Mild calibration issue--

Gobber: Don't you-- no-- Hiccup. If you ever want to get out there to fight dragons, you need to stop all... this.

Hiccup: But, you just pointed to all of me!

Gobber: Yes! That's it! Stop being all of you!

Hiccup: Ohhhh...

Gobber: Ohhhh, yes.

Hiccup: You sir, are playing a dangerous game. Keeping this much, raw... Viking-ness... contained? 

[Jack turns away, trying to hold back snorting as Hiccup finishes]

Hiccup:  THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!

Gobber: I'll take my chances. Sword. Sharpen. Now.

[Hiccup grunts and does as he’s told, instructing Jack to hand him the others from a table]

Hiccup (V.O.): One day, I'll get out there. Because, killing a dragon is everything around here.

If I do the AU, should I just write it like this? Would be a lot easier lol

Next one here

Script from here

gifs by @little-hiccups

[waitimcomingtoo]

Where We Start Again 2

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: how do you fake date someone you have real feelings for?

Series Masterlist and Regular Masterlist

Playlist by @tiny-friggin-human

“This is my room.” Peter weakly gestured to his bedroom as you walked through his door. His eyes were immediately drawn to everything he needed to hide as you began to look around. He kicked a pair of boxers into the closet and threw a hoodie over the vials of web fluid on his desk. When he looked up at you, a smile dawned on his lips. You stood out in your mini skirt among his nerdy ambiance, but you didn’t look out of place. You noticed him staring and tucked your hair behind your ear nervously.

“What?” You asked, feeling a little self conscious under his gaze.

“Nothing. I just like looking at you.” His lips moved faster than his brain and he was defenseless to stop the words from coming out. Luckily, you found it sweet and gave him a small smile.

“Star Wars bedsheets?” You nodded towards his unmade bed where tiny green Yoda heads dotted his sheets.

“Those aren’t mine.” He scoffed playfully, watching as you took a seat on his bed. His throat tightened at the thought of your bare legs on his sheets. The skirt he’d fawned over so many times was on his bed right now, and he was beginning to panic.

“Uh huh.” You humored him and ran a hand over his pillow. “They’re very soft. You should thank whoever they belong to for taking care of them.”

“I have your laundry- oh! A female.” May was startled by your presence when she came to Peters open door. Peters eyes widened when he noticed she was holding a few pairs of his boxers in her hands and prayed you didn’t notice too. Unfortunate for Peter, you had manners and got up off his bed to shake Mays hand. You shoot Peter a look when your eyes fell on the pile.

“Hi Mrs. Parker. I’m Y/n.” You said politely as you shook her hand. May looked between you and Peter with a surprised expression.

“Y/n L/n?” She asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, that me.” You told her. Peter looked up at the ceiling, silently cursing God for what was happening in front of him.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Peters been telling me about you since freshman year. You’re the one with the skirt, right? Oh, you’re wearing it now.” She laughed spritely and handed Peter his boxers. “You were right, Peter. It is a nice skirt. And please, call me May.”

Peter knew a nail in the coffin when he saw one. There was no coming back from what May just said. You were gonna think he was a creep and your fake relationship would end before it began.

At least you sat on his bed, though.

“Thank you, May. It’s from H&M and I hear there’s a sale right now. It kinda matches your nails. They’re so pretty.” You told her and she looked down at her nail color. Peter did a double take between you and May. For some reason, you weren’t running out of his apartment in fear.

You were giving his Aunt shopping tips and nail compliments.

“Oh, wow. It does. And thank you. I just got them done but of course this one didn’t notice.” She gave Peter a pointed look before returning her attention to you. “I think I’ll go check it out. I’ll leave you kids to it.” She winked at Peter before closing the door.

Peter braced himself for an abrupt end to your newfound relationship as you turned around. Instead, you had your arms folded and a surprised smile on your face.

“Have you been talking to your aunt about me?” You put yourself hand over your heart like you couldn’t believe it. Peter opened his mouth to apologize, but decided against it when you didn’t show any signs of disdain.

“However did you know?” He replied sarcastically and got a laugh out of you. So you didn’t want apologies, he thought. You wanted humor. “I hope you know, you just witnessed the most embarrassing moment of my life.”

“Well if I know anything about women, she’s gonna be at H&M for a while. You don’t have to worry about her coming in here to embarrass you and drop off your Scooby Doo boxers.” You picked up a pair from the pile he was holding and dangled it in front of his face. He snatched them away from you and quickly stuffed them in his drawer.

“Give me those. They also aren’t mine.” He lied and you held up your hands in defense.

“I believe you.” You insisted and walked over to his LEGO Ferris Wheel. He joined you, standing next to you in silence for a moment as you admired it.

“Ruh roh.” You muttered and his head snapped to you.

“Hey.” He whined. You leaned into him as you laughed, making his breath hitched in his chest when you touched him

“I’m sorry. How does this thing work?” You returned your attention to the Ferris wheel. Peter took a moment to admire the wonder in your eyes as they trailed over the bricks. He pushed a button on the side and it began to move.

“Effervescent.” You said flatly at the anticlimactic way it worked. Peter watched you fondly as your eyes followed the LEGO man and woman in one of the carts.

“What made you want to come over?” He asked suddenly. “Do you have to do community service or something?”

“No.” You said like it was a crazy thought. “I wanted to hang out with you.”

Peter was taken aback by this answer and thought for sure you were lying. He looked at you skeptically as you watched the Ferris wheel.

“Why?” He asked. “And how has nothing you’ve seen so far made you want to stop hanging out with me? You know, the boxers, the bedsheets, the aunt.”

You leaned against his book self and looked down at your boots as you shrugged.

“The boys in our school show up hung over, smelling like mango juul pods and hotdog water. They sleep through class and pelt spit balls at each other at lunch. And I’m pretty sure half the football team hasn’t made the full transition from monkey to human yet.” You said as you kept your eyes down.

“These are all things I already know.” Peter said when you didn’t answer his question. You looked up at him and shrugged slightly.

“You show up in button downs and cute sweaters, smelling like apple shampoo. The one that can get in your eyes and won’t sting. You pay attention in class and build LEGO desk lamps for the science fair. And you give people your gogurt.” You said timidly. The corners of Peters mouth turned down as he fought a smile, as well as the urge to scream into a pillow.

“Well she packed me an extra one.” He reminded you and you rolled your eyes. You walked away from his bookshelf and over to where he had set the LEGO lamp down.

“Can I help you glue the legos down?” You changed the topic. “It’ll go faster with two people.”

“Sure.” He nodded and joined you at his desk. He took a vial of web fluid from under the hoodie and handed it to you. “Here.”

“What kind of glue is this?” You asked as you examined the vial.

“Oh, uh, I made it myself.” Peter stammered as he pulled up a chair for you. You gave him a grateful smile and took a seat.

“You made your own glue?” You asked him once he sat down next to you at the desk.

“Yes?”

“You’re incredible, Peter.” You shook your head and started glueing pieces down. “Out here making your own glue. Elmer’s is quaking.”

Peter took a moment to collect himself before he started glueing the pieces together. Everytime he thought he did something lame, you liked it. And not only that, you praised him for it. All the things that made him unpopular were the things you seemed to enjoy. He was curious about your intentions and could only hope they were good.

“The fair is this Friday, right?” You peered at him through your lashes as you focused on sticking a piece to the base.

“Yeah, right after school.” He replied, freezing momentarily when your pinky touched his.

“I’ll be there.” You said definitively. He stopped what he was doing and looked at you to see if you were joking, but you looked completely serious.

“You don’t have to. It’ll be really boring.” He said softly but you dismissed him.

“Then I’ll hang out by you the whole time.” YIU said simply. “What kind of fake girlfriend would I be if I wasn’t there to watch my boyfriend win the science fair?”

The tips of Peters ears turned pink when you called him your boyfriend. As much as he’d love to have you cheering him on at the science fair, he didn’t want to make you do something you didn’t want to do. He was about to insist that you didn’t have to go when he stopped himself. Something about all the impossible things that had happened today made him want to go against his normal behavior.

“It’s every boys dream to have his fake girlfriend watching him awkwardly tell judges about his science fair project.” He said instead of telling you you didn’t have to come. You seemed like you wanted to, and he’d love to have you there. Why not let it happen?

“I know, right? How’d you get so lucky?” You tossed your hair off your shoulder and winked at him. Peter has gone from never speaking to you to you winking at him three times in one day. You were right. How did he get so lucky?

“Are you sure about committing to this whole fake dating thing? If you’re at the science fair with me, more people are gonna know. It won’t just be between you and me and Flash anymore.” Peter warned you. You stopped glueing legos and looked at him.

“I am sure. I want to do this. It’s just until the dance right? I can dedicate two weeks of my life to mess with Flash.” You insisted as you put your hand on top of his. He tensed up so you quickly drew it away and cleared your throat. “We should probably come up with nicknames for each other to really sell it. What do you want to be called?”

Still recovering from the hand holding incident, his mind was blank.

“You pick.” He said blankly.

“Thank God. I thought you were gonna say “my lord” or some shit.” You laughed and went back to glueing. “How about baby? Nice and simple.”

“Sounds good.” He smiled shyly. He wasn’t even on your radar this morning and now you were calling him baby.

“What do you want to call me?” You asked. The hope in your eyes made Peter determined not to disappoint you.

“Daisy.” He said confidently. You raised your eyebrows at his quick response.

“You had that prepared.” You remarked and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I see you drawing daisies on your notes all the time.” He admitted. “And then you color the center with yellow highlighter. It’s cute.”

“Good eye, baby.” You emphasized the pet name for effect.

“I just have a good view, daisy.” He did the same. You pulled your tongue between your teeth and giggled. The sight of it made Peters knees weaken as he glued on the final piece.

“You should give me one of your shirts or something so I can wear it to school.” You said as you got out of your chair. “Do you have anything that says your last name on the back?”

Peter got up from the desk and dug around in his closet for his decathlon hoodie. He made sure not to touch the area where his suit was hidden.

“Would this work?” He asked as he held it out to you. You traced your fingers over the bold white block letters and smiled.

“That’s perfect. And here.” You slipped your scrunchie off your wrist and gave it to him. “Wear this on your wrist. I wear it a lot so people will know it’s mine.”

Peter put it on his wrist and thought of all the times he’d seen you wearing it. He loved it when you wore your hair up. And down. He loved it all.

But so did the rest of his school.

Guilt bubbled in the pit of his tummy at the thought of what the fake relationship could do to your reputation.

“You really don’t have to do this, Y/n.” He said softly. “You’re committing social suicide.”

“That’s not a thing.” You stated as you tied his hoodie around your waist. “And I told you, I’m happy to do this. Flash needed to be put in his place. I always hear him picking on you over nothing.”

“Yeah. He’s a real piece of work.” Peter shoved his hands in his pockets and blew out a breath.

“You pronounce “dick head” funny.” You smirked. “Why do you let him get away with what he says to you? How do you resist the urge to punch him in the face?”

“He’s not worth.” Peter shrugged. “I want to get out of here and go to a good college. I’m kinda depending on scholarships and I hear schools prefer kids who don’t get into physical fights with other students.”

“Well you’re very patient.” You complimented him as you stepped closer. “I see him beating up on you all the time.”

“Are you stalking me?” He teased and you shoved his shoulder.

“Says the boy who tells his aunt about my mini skirts.” You shot back before pulling your bottom lip between your teeth.

“Touché.” He squinted at you. “You know, you could’ve just told him to back off. Now you’re stuck pretending to be my girlfriend.”

“Would you stop?” You pouted as you sat back down on his bed. “I don’t feel stuck. I think this is gonna be fun.”

“Not that I’m not enjoying looking at legos with you, but wouldn’t you rather be spending your time with your actual friends? Not your fake boyfriend?” He asked as he took a seat beside you. You took a rubix cube off his nightstand and toyed with it, solving it almost immediately.

“Wanna know a secret?” You asked him as you handed him the solved rubix cube.

“Tell me.” He urged.

“I hate those people.” You laughed sadly. “All of them. Everyone who cares more about what brand you’re wearing than how your day was. I don’t think I’ve ever had an intelligent conversation with any of my “friends”.”

“Then why do you hang out with them? And how was your day?” He added to make you laugh.

“It’s a lot better now.” You said as you drew your knees up to your chin. You had shed your boots at some point and Peter could see your mismatched socks. “And I hang out with them because they count on me to. I don’t know when I became the cult leader around here but now they don’t leave me alone. It’s like, you have to be at this party and you have to wear a dress by this brand unless you got it from this store because that’s cheap. And you must wear your hair this way and drink this alcohol and know this song. It’s exhausting. That glue smells like flint stones vitamins, by the way. It’s all over my hands.”

“I didn’t realize being popular was so trifling.” Peter replied as he reached for a bottle of web dissolver (disguised as hand sanitizer) on his desk and offered it to you. You held out your hands and he squirt some in.

“I know how it sounds.” You said lowly. “I know that people would kill to have my status. But no one in my circle is happy. They’re running on 10 shots of expresso and fake smiles.”

Peter took what you said into consideration as he watched the solemn expression on your face.

“Are you unhappy?” He realized. You had said no one in your circle was happy, and he worried that included you.

“Sometimes. A lot of the time, actually.” You admitted and his heart sank. “I know it looks like I have a lot of friends, but I don’t have a single one. Not one who cares about me or checks on how I’m doing, anyway. I would give up my dozens of fake friends for one real one.”

You kept your eyes down as you spoke to hide your emotions, but Peter couldn’t ignore it. He tried to redeem himself from earlier by putting his hand over yours.

“I care about you.” He promised. “And I may be your fake boyfriend, but I’m your real friend…friend.”

You gave Peter a half smile and flipped your hand so you were holding his instead of just under it.

“You know, this is the first time I’ve done something after school that I actually enjoyed.” You told him.

“We could hang out more, if you want.” He suggested, not thinking you’d actually say yes.

“Yeah, totally.” You agreed, much to his surprise. Your smile seemed different to him, more genuine.

“To convince Flash, I mean.” He added quickly. Your face faltered a little and you took your hand away from his.

“Right.” You gave him a tight smile. “Flash.”

~

“I need to talk to you.” Peter whispered harshly the next morning when he found Ned at his locker.

“Is this about you walking home with Y/n? Everyone’s talking about it. People are saying you took her to an alley and killed her.” Ned recanted the rumors he heard with excitement.

“What? I didn’t kill her.” Peter defended. “She wanted to come over to see my legos.”

“Oh wow. And I had Tia and Tamera over to bake me a loaf of bread.” Ned said seriously.

“I’m being serious, Ned.” Peter sighed. “Flash was making fun of me and she just-“

“Peter!”

As soon as Peter turned around, you jumped into his arms and wrapped your legs around his waist. He quickly wrapped an arm around you to keep you from falling as you hugged him tightly. When you let go, he could see you were wearing his hoodie over a jean skirt. It reminded of of his sleepless night as he couldn’t get over the fact that his bedsheets now smelled like you. He tossed and turned all night with a smile on his face, too giddy to go to sleep. He didn’t even care when he heard the birds chirping, signaling that he had never fallen asleep. Nothing could break his smile.

“Good morning, baby.” You cooed as you kept your arms around his neck.

“Baby?” Ned sputtered. “Big confused.”

“Haven’t you heard? Peter and I are dating.” You smiled brightly as you linked your arm through Peters. A huge grin broke out on his face at your display of affection as Ned’s eyes bulged out of his head.

“Fake dating.” He said to calm his friend down.

“Semantics.” You replied quickly. “If anyone asks, we’re together.”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you.” Peter explained when Ned still looked shocked.

“Look! I’m wearing your hoodie.” You pulled the hoodie forward so Peter could see.

“And I have your small headband.” Peter held up his wrist to show you where the scrunchie was.

“It’s called a scrunchie.” You giggled. You took his hand and held it to your chest. “We look so convincing. Ned, don’t we look like a couple?”

“I’m having network connectivity problems.” Ned mumbled as he struggled to understand what was going on.

“Wait. I forgot I have to talk to the student council about the dance decorations.” You remembered. “See you at lunch?”

“Have a good day, s-sweetheart.” He stuttered out a new nickname he had always wanted to call you.

“Sweetheart? I like it.” You twirled yourself under his arm before walking away. “Shaking things up.”

Peter and Ned watched you walk away, Ned with his jaw slacked and Peter with his eyes soft.

“Dude.” Ned breathed.

“I know.”

“You have a fake girlfriend.” Ned said in disbelief. “And it’s Y/n.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been in love with her for years.” He whispered.

“I know.”

“She is way out of your league.” He looked at his friend.

“I know!” Peter exclaimed. “Do you think people are gonna buy it?”

“I don’t know.” Ned answered honestly. “Why did she agree to this? You didn’t try to kill her in an alley did you?”

“No, Ned. This was all her idea. She asked for my hoodie and gave me this little skirt for your hair.” Peter held up with wrist with the scrunchie again.

“It’s called a munchie, Peter.” Ned rolled his eyes.

“Well she gave me hers so people would know she’s my girlfriend. Or fake girlfriend. I don’t really know the details.” He sighed but broke into another smile. “She came over yesterday and God, she’s so much better than we thought. She’s funny and a good listener and everytime I thought I did something lame, she liked it. She liked me! This might be the greatest thing that ever happened to me, Ned.”

“But is this really what you want? You’ve liked her since the first day of school when her dad almost hit you with her car and she started crying.” Ned reminded him. “Do you really want your first relationship with a girl, especially this girl, to be fake?”

“MJ was right, Ned. A girl like that will never be interested in someone like me. This is the only chance I’m gonna have with her. And yeah, it’s a fake relationship. But it’s a real friendship. I’ll take what I can get if it means I can be close to her.” Peter decided.

“I don’t want you getting hurt, Peter. If this ends badly, it’ll crush you.” Ned said sincerely.

“I know what this. I know she’ll never actually like me. As long as I keep reminding myself that, I’ll be fine.” Peter insisted.

“Okay.” Ned patted his back. “If you say so.”

“Don’t-“

“Didn’t even notice. No punches there to roll with.” Ned began to sing as he walked down the hall. Peter kept his distance as he followed him to class, already thinking about the next time he’d get to see you.

~

Peter waited a lifetime for the lunch bell to ring. The best parts of his day were when he got to see you. Those parts were the morning if he got to his locker on time, lunch, 7th period, and after school when you had Volunteer Club. They met right across the hall from the Decathlon team and of Peter angled his chair correctly, he could catch a glimpse of you.

He kept his head up as he headed to his table, always on the lookout for you. He spotted his hoodie a few seconds before you made eye contact.

“There you are, baby.” Your eyes lit up as you made your way over to him. “Come on. Let’s eat together.”

Peters heartbeat quickened as you lead him towards your usual lunch table. It was already full of popular kids, the very popular kids that Peter feared.

“Your friends won’t like me.” Peter protested to save himself from 40 minutes of torture.

“No one at that table likes each other, Peter.” You laughed but he sensed a sadness in your voice. “Let’s sit with your friends then.”

You pivoted away from the cool kids table, earning yourself a glare from every inhabitant. It struck fear in Peters heart, but it didn’t phase you. You linked your arm through his again and led him towards Ned and MJ’s table.

“Are you sure?” Peter asked nervously as he made eye contact with an angry quarterback.

“Yes. Come on.” You tugged him harder until you got to the table.

“Hey guys.” You greeted Ned and MJ as you sat down. Ned looked up in shock and the water he was drinking fell out of his mouth.

“Girl?” He asked Peter, reverting to his inability to speak around you.

“Yes, girl.” You chuckled. “Come sit with us, Michelle.”

“Fine, but only because this cannot end well.” MJ picked you her stuff and slid next to you. You handed her her daily granola bar and she took it with a sly smirk.

“Flash is coming.” Ned whispered and you quickly took Peters hand. You leaned your head on your other hand and stared at him with a dreamy smile as Flash walked by. He shot you guys a look and pretended to gag before walking away.

“He totally bought it.” You squealed as you watched him sit down. “We are so good together.”

Peter nodded stiffly, his full attention on the fact that you were still holding his hand.

“Are you in the science fair too, Ned?” You changed the subject but began to trace patterns on Peters palm. It took him a moment to realize you were drawing daisies.

“No. I’m not.” Ned replied and everyone perked up.

“He just said a full sentence.” MJ realized.

“Yay!” You released Peters hand to clap softly. His hand felt cold without yours holding it and he felt disappointment sink in. He thought he’d be okay as long as he reminded himself that the relationship was fake, but he wasn’t. He wanted to hold your hand all the time, not just when Flash was around.

“Why not?” You asked as you opened up your lunch bag.

“I usually just hang out by the snack table until Peter wins. Then we go to Delmars and order a sandwich with every single ingredient on it.” He explained. “It wasn’t that bad until they added tuna to the menu. Tuna really doesn’t go with peanut butter and hot sauce.”

“Haha, he’s kidding.” Peter lies and shot Ned a look. “We don’t do that. That would be absurd.”

“I have this really strong feeling that you do do that-“

“Do do.” Ned chuckled.

“-and it sounds fun. Is it cool if I tag along this year?” You asked Peter, slipping your hand back into his. Peter looked at your intertwined hands before looking to Ned for approval.

“Girl welcome.” He nodded until he realized he was doing it again. “Damn it.”

“Of course you can come.” Peter made the decision when Ned was no help. “But I have to win first.”

“I’ve seen your picture in the display case the last three years. Come on, you had the robotics arm, the homemade spinneret, and the thing with the flies.” You surprised Peter by listing his lady entries. “This solar powered LEGO lamp is gonna blow the judges away. You’re gonna win. My boyfriend is the smartest guy in school.” You gloated as you moved some hair off Peters forehead.

“You know your don’t have to call him your boyfriend around us, right? We’re not the ones you’re trying to fool.” MJ cut in. Peters has tightened at MJ’s interruption.

“I know.” You said timidly and took your hand away from Peter again. He huffed out an angry breath but kept his mouth shut. If you could take his hand, he could take yours.

“She can do what she wants.” Peter said decidedly and laced his fingers through yours. You smiled proudly at him and squeezed his hand.

“Thank you, baby.” You said, happy he was taking initiative. “What are you doing after school today?”

“You’re in luck, Y/n. You chose the best possible boy to fake date. His schedule has been open for the last 18 years.” MJ jeered.

“Haha. Don’t you have a chicken to ritualistically sacrifice or something?” Peter shot back.

“Ooo. Witch joke. Original.” She whispered and twiddled her fingers like she was casting a spell.

“I’m not busy, daisy.” He ignored MJ and kept his eyes on you. “What did you have in mind?”

“I’ve been so busy planning the dance that I never got a dress.” You told him. “Would you come with me to pick one out?”

“Do I want to spend my afternoon watching you try on dresses?” He repeated your question back to you and you realized how boring it sounded.

“You don’t have to-“ You began.

“Hell yeah I do.” He cut you off and you smiled. “Where do you want to meet?”

“If you walk me home after school we can go from there.” You suggested. Peters mouth dried out at the thought of going to your house but he forced himself to nod.

“Okay.” He squealed.

“Shoot, I almost forgot. I have to meet with Mrs. Carlisle about the DJ.” You packed up your lunch and cupped Peters chin. “I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll be at your locker.” He nodded as your thumb slid off his chin.

“Good boy.” You smirked. “Bye Ned. Bye Michelle.”

Ned waited until you were out of sight until he freaked out.

“Dude! She invited you to her house! She totally wants to jump your bones.” He whispered loudly.

“Why would she jump on my bones? Like my skeleton?” Peter asked innocently. “You think she want to kill me?”

“How is the hottest girl in school interested in you?” MJ shook her head. “Especially when you ask questions like that.”

“Shes not into me. We’re fake dating.” Peter reminded them.

“And who’s idea was it to do that?” MJ cocked her head. “Because she called me yesterday to tell me all about your little plan.”

“Yesterday you were saying I’d never have a chance, and today you’re insisting that she’s into me?” Peter asked in confusion. “Wait, she called you? About me?”

“I hadn’t seen you interact before yesterday. She was doing girlfriend shit when no one was watching. Not even you! Check your notebook.” MJ grumbled and angrily took a bite out of her granola bar. Peter curiously opened his notebook and found a pink slip of paper inside. He opened it up and read it out loud.

“This is my favorite color on you. Have some sweet tarts, for my sweetheart. See you after school.” He read the note and held up a fun sized packet of Sweet Tarts.

“She put that in there when you were too busy staring at the jocks.” MJ told them. “Now tell me, why would she sneak candy into your notebook entirely out of Flash’s view? Who does that convince?”

“I love sweet tarts.” Peter muttered as he stared at the note. Even your handwriting was pretty.

“Everyone knows that. Remember when you had to go to the nurse freshman year on Valentine’s Day because you ate 18 packets?” Ned brought up.

“I don’t remember that.” Peter mumbled, trying to think of what Ned was talking about.

“Because you were sent home for going into a sugar coma.” MJ snorted.

“Wow.” Peter raised his eyebrows. “I never knew that.”

“Well she did. And now she’s sneaking you candy.” MJ said and laughed in disbelief.

“What’s so funny?” Peter laughed defensively.

“I think Y/n actually likes you. And I think that hilariously paradoxical.” She laughed again.

“What? No.” Peter didn’t allow himself to have hope, even for a minute. “She doesn’t like me. She’s just faking.”

“You’re going to her house today right?” MJ raised a single eyebrow. “See how she behaves. If you acts like your girlfriend when no one is around, you’ll know she isn’t faking.”

“Okay.” Peter decided, figuring he had nothing to lose. “Okay. I’ll do that.”

~

Peter stationed himself at your locker directly after school. He kept MJ’s advice at the front of his mind as he waited for you to arrive. All he had to do was observe you. He did that all the time anyway. Only this time, it counted. He wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and let out a breath.

“Baby.” He heard your sweet voice from behind him. He turned around and saw your equally sweet smile.

“Ready?” He asked as he took the books from your hands. You gave him a puzzled look and he explained. “I’m carrying your books for you. My uncle told me to do this when I got a girlfriend. I figured he’d still appreciate it, even if our relationship is fake.”

“He sounds like a smart man.” You said kindly and Peter nodded.

“He was. I’ll tell you more about him on the walk.” He offered and you smiled like you liked the idea. “Lead the way.”

Tag List 🏷

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[reallifesultanas]

Portrait of Mehmed IV / IV. Mehmed portréja

Birth and childhood

Mehmed was born in January 1642 as the first child of Sultan Ibrahim I and his concubine, Turhan Hatice. His early years were not calm at all. The wetnurse of Prince Mehmed and her son were very much liked by the sultan, who constantly spent time with the nurse's son, Osman, considered him as his own son, while he pushed away Mehmed. Raising a slave’s son as his own caused a huge anomaly in the harem and triggered a lot of rumors. Turhan could not tolerate the humiliation of her son, the heir to the throne, so some said she directly questioned Ibrahim. Others say she sent the wetnurse out of her service, who in turn complained about Turhan’s behavior to the sultan. Either way, Sultan Ibrahim became angry and his anger was directed at Mehmed. He staged a huge scene, then tore Prince Mehmed out of his mother's arms and threw him into a cistern. The child suffered severe head injuries but survived the incident as the servants rushed to his rescue immediately. For the rest of his life, Mehmed had a scar on his forehead due to this event. Although Mehmed would have all the reasons to hate his father, it is not certain that he blamed his father for the incident. From his later manifestations, he seems to have intended his father more because of his mental state and how he ended.

The following years were about dread and humiliation, as Ibrahim became more and more insane, committed more and more inexplicable things, and married one of his young concubines, whom he raised above everyone else. Kösem Sultan and her followers at one point tried to dethrone the mad Sultan to replace him with his son, Mehmed, but to no avail. Lots of heads fell to dust after the rebellion, Kösem Sultan herself was exiled too. We don’t know how Turhan lived through this period, but given the events, she could probably have worried a lot about her son’s life. The relationship between Turhan and Mehmed was very close, perhaps one of the closest during the period of the Sultanate of women. This strong bond may have been formed in the period of common suffering from Ibrahim's madness.

The child sultan

In August 1648, Ibrahim was finally dethroned and locked up by the Janissaries and Kösem Sultan. Soon the statesmen flocked to the palace to take Prince Mehmed to the Janissary Mosque to be proclaimed Sultan there. Kösem Sultan did not allow this, did not hand over her grandson. She argued with the statesmen for hours, eventually agreeing that Prince Mehmed would be proclaimed sultan within the palace, as tradition requires. The statesmen did not ask Mehmed's young mother, but Kösem Sultan, to perform the duties of regent beside Mehmed IV. The statesmen expected Kösem to prepare Turhan and Mehmed for the task ahead of them and to work together with the divan, but Kösem thought otherwise. She wanted to lead the empire herself, as a monarch.

Mehmed was only eight years old when, on October 21, 1649, he and his two younger brothers, Suleiman (later Suleiman II) and Ahmed (later Ahmed II), were circumcised in a ceremony of great splendor. As a child, Mehmed tried to grow up to the tasks he was facing, attending divan meetings regularly with his grandmother. Over time, however, the relationship between the divan members and Kösem Sultan deteriorated and Mehmed was used several times as a tool in the arguments. This made Mehmed's mother more and more worried, so she finally allied with the pashas who were against Kösem.

Relief

There is a lot of legend and half-information about the year 1651. It is so certain that no one liked the monopoly of Kösem Sultan. Over time, all the statesmen turned against her and wanted to remove her from power. Kösem Sultan's only support was coming from some corps of Janissaries, who, whatever happened, supported her. Turhan took advantage on the fact that Kösem did not have any men in the divan. Turhan, with the help of Suleiman Agha, was able to contact the statesmen and immediately gained the support of some of them. The information came to light that Kösem Sultan wanted to dethrone Mehmed and replace him with Saliha Dilaşub's son, Suleiman. That would have meant Mehmed's confinement and death. After all, when Ibrahim I was executed, it was argued that if there was already a sultan (Mehmed), then the existence of the other sultan (Ibrahim) had become obsolete. Others say Kösem Sultan never wanted to do that, only the pashas made Turhan to believe it. Nor can we rule out that Turhan herself invented this excuse to legitimize the removal of Kösem Sultan.

Kösem Sultan was finally strangled during a coup in September 1651 and power passed to Turhan. With this, Mehmed was freed from his grandmother's tyranny and could finally feel safe. His half-brothers, Suleiman and Ahmed, were locked up so they could no longer pose a threat to Mehmed. His mother and chief eunuch Suleiman agha did everything they could to ensure that Mehmed was properly educated so one day he would become a good sultan of the empire. From then on, Mehmed was accompanied to the divan meetings by Turhan, who spoke openly many times. Mehmed relied heavily on his mother's words in the divan. Once, when the pashas informed Mehmed that Egypt had not been able to pay its annual tax, the young sultan turned to his mother and was shocked to ask her that what he was hearing was true. As Mehmed grew older and knew more and more, Turhan attended divan meetings less and less often. But this was not only due to Mehmed's age.

The rebellion

The execution of Kösem Sultan was smoothed by Turhan and her advisers, the Janissaries who were supporting Kösem were accused of her death, and they were executed. Later, however, Turhan and her allies were not so fortunate and in 1656 they had to face a real rebellion. The main reasons for this were the weak Grand Veziers, the resurgent Celali rebellion, and the war with the Venetians. Due to the war people of the capital did not get enough grain, the soldiers were not properly paid, but ordinary people were also increasingly dissatisfied, especially angered by the extreme wealth of those close to the Sultan. Eventually, under the leadership of the Janissaries and Spahis, the people revolted on the fourth of March 1656.

During the rebellion, several of those close to the sultan were brutally executed, the whole capital was ravaged. Eventually, after a few days, the barely 15-year-old sultan met with the leaders of the rebellion. Based on the descriptions, Mehmed trembled in fear, but eventually took strength and asked the rebels what they wanted from him. They handed over a list containing the names of 31 people and demanded their resignation and even execution. Mehmed first tried to evade this by publicly forgiving the 31 people for trying to influence him by taking advantage of his youth. For the soldiers, however, this was not enough, Mehmed was forced to succumb to blackmail.

The mob hung all 31 people on trees next to the Blue Mosque. Among them was Meleki Hatun, whom the sultan especially loved. The soldiers, by the way, did not blame Mehmed, in fact, praised him for finally being mature enough and take control of the empire from his mother and the eunuchs.

Although the capital has been shaken by riots in the past, such a rebellion has never happened before. Not only did the soldiers revolt, but the people also stood by the soldiers as one. Everyone closed their shops, a general strike took place during the rebellion.

After the events, it was clear that the empire needed a strong leader, so eventually, the Turhan Sultan made the very unpopular but violent Köprülü Mehmed Pasha of a Grand Vizier. Köprülü did indeed soon restore order to the empire. Mehmed was traumatized for a lifetime by the event, his next years were about trying to prove his suitability and trying to stay away from Istanbul. Certainly, due to his bad memories of the rebellion, Mehmed spent almost all of his time in Edirne or on a campaign or hunting on the Balkan.

The young sultan

Mehmed was not really interested in politics. This may have something to do with the fact that, on the advice of Mehmed’s teacher, he moved to Edirne with his mother and their entire court after the rebellions. Edirne was safer, had better supplies, and it was also politically advisable to remove the luxurious dynasty from the capital for a short time. Thus, however, the reign also faded into the background of Mehmed's life, as Köprülü arranged everything, discussed only the most necessary things with the sultan, but even those he mostly discussed with Mehmed's mother. The young sultan was then able to discover his own interests, such as hunting, travel, and arts. The young sultan spent a lot of money on artists, he loved all forms of the arts. For example, he employed a large number of non-Muslim musicians in his court.

As events began to calm down and as the empire began to stabilize, it was time to make Mehmed popular. To do this, Mehmed was forced to leave Edirne for a while. Moving to Edirne revived old traditions, as Edirne was also the imperial capital for a period. Therefore, in June 1659, Mehmed and his court traveled to the third imperial capital, Bursa, with great splendor to show themselves. The rather successful tour ended in September when the Sultan visited two forts built by the Turhan Sultan in Çanakkale. Turhan, of course, did not go with her son but remained in the city of Gelibolu, and the sultan was accompanied by Köprülü Mehmed Pasha and the chief black eunuch to the forts. After viewing and inaugurating the fort, Mehmed returned to his mother. Thanks to the tour, Mehmed became very popular, so he was able to leave behind the 1656 wave of hatred.

Then in 1660, another tragedy shook the capital. A huge fire devastated, more powerful than any of the fires ever. Eventually, in restoring the capital, Turhan Hatice worked a lot. She had a huge mosque complex built on the destroyed area and sought to help Muslims who lost everything in the fire. The Jews in the area were less fortunate.

The next break in Mehmed’s life and reign occurred in 1661 when Köprülü Mehmed Pasha died. The pasha was a great master of the ruling, successfully restoring the reputation of the dynasty. Mehmed IV was by his side while he was dying. He was warned by Köprülü, that he should not trust women and follow their advice in politics. Köprülü's anti-feminism is particularly interesting, as he himself could never have become a Grand Vizier without Turhan, but not even an esteemed pasha. Mehmed ultimately did not listen to the words of the dying pasha, as after his death his main support became his mother, Turhan, and his sweetheart, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş. Köprülü Mehmed was replaced by his eldest son, Köprülüzade Fazıl Ahmed Pasa.

The father

As Mehmed grew older, his mother began to send him concubines. That's how Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş became his favorite, eventually became Haseki. Their first child - and presumably Mehmed’s first child - was born in 1660 and was named Hatice, presumably in honor of Turhan Hatice. Soon after, Mehmed moved his entire court to Edirne, making it practically the second most powerful city. It was perfect timing that his firstborn son, Mustafa, was born there in 1664. Mehmed was so pleased with the birth of his son that he gave the child’s mother, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, amazing gifts and from then on the sultan never left the woman alone, taking her with him on his hunts and even on his campaigns. Together they had at least two more children, Ahmed (later Ahmed III) in 1673 and Fatma Emetullah in 1675. In addition to the four children mentioned above, Mehmed certainly had other children (Ayşe, Bayezid, Ümmügülsüm, Süleyman). The identity of their mother is unknown, it could have been Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, but even other concubines.

Mehmed is one of the few sultans who has developed a fairly close relationship with his children, especially his eldest son, Mustafa. Most pashas and contemporaries have explicitly condemned and despised the Sultan for spending too much time with his son and not treating him with enough distance as one would expect from a dignity. Mehmed regularly took his sons, especially Mustafa, with him on hunts and campaigns, but he also kept them with him at ceremonies and personally taught them several things, such as riding. And the fact that the sultan ate, drank, and amused with his son was especially repulsive in the eyes of the pashas, as this was considered indecent behavior.

His extremely close relationship with his sons also had an impact on the issue of inheritance. Legend has it that Mehmed’s beloved, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, tried to persuade him to execute his half-brothers and make their sons his heirs instead. However, knowing the infinitely close relationship between Mehmed and his sons, we cannot rule out that Mehmed himself wanted to change the inheritance. Whoever was the inventor, no one supported the idea, not the people, not the pashas and not even Mehmed’s mother, Turhan Sultan. Turhan, to protect Prince Suleiman and Ahmed from death and her own son, Mehmed from hate, she always kept her two foster sons with her. If Turhan traveled, she took them with her so that Mehmed would not execute them in her absence.

Again on the battlefield

The Sultans since Murad III (in fact, almost since Selim II) have not really taken part in the campaigns, which the soldiers have received with dissatisfaction. It was a huge refreshment from this disappointing situation when Murad IV waged glorious campaigns by himself. It was clear that they could increase Mehmed’s popularity if he also took part in campaigns. Unlike Mehmed's predecessors, he did not follow his soldiers to the battlefield, but stayed behind them, waiting for the news in a safe place. But at least he left the capital and was close to his army. He also regularly took his favorite concubine, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş, with him on these campaigns.

The first such campaign took place in 1672 when Mehmed took the whole harem, his mother, Hasheki, and his sisters with him to Polish territories. They spent a few months near the front and then returned to Edirne. However, the agreement was crossed by the Polish, so in 1673 Mehmed was forced to return to the front. Again he took his sweetheart with him. This is particularly noteworthy because the Sultans had not taken their wives to the battlefield for centuries, and Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş was already advanced with her pregnancy. She gave birth to her second son on the campaign. This was the only case ever when an Ottoman prince was born on the battlefield, away from the security of the capital or the provinces.

In the life of Mehmed, the war with the Polish was the most successful. With their victory, the Ottoman Empire reached the largest geographical extent ever. After the success of the Polish campaign, the Sultan retreated to Edirne, where in 1675 he organized a huge ceremony in which his two sons, Mustafa and Ahmed were circumcised and his eldest daughter, Hatice, was married off. The huge festival was worshiped by the people. From this event, there is a fairly accurate and authentic description of how the sultan looked like. According to the description of one aga, the sultan, who was in his early thirties at the time, was a man of medium stature, strong build, with a sparse beard and fair skin that turned sunburned due to constant outdoor activities.

Then, in 1676, Mehmed embarked on another campaign — again, of course, with his sweetheart by his side — this time against the Russians. The aim of the campaign was to rule over today's Ukrainian - then Polish - territories. Finally, in 1681, the campaign ended with an agreement.

Alone

In 1681 the health of Mehmed's mother, Turhan Sultan, gradually began to deteriorate. Ambassadors write of him as "her condition has greatly deteriorated and there is no hope of treatment." We don’t know exactly what Turhan’s illness was, but her son was certainly devastated. Mehmed, when he was not away from the courtyard, paid homage to his mother every day and discussed all political issues with her. Because of their close relationship, it is almost certain that Turhan's death in 1683 shook her son deeply. In addition to personal loss, Turhan's death also foreshadowed enormous political failures and this was unfortunately foreseeable as early as 1683. At the death of Turhan, the people and pashas all unanimously believed that with the death of the Valide Sultan, the empire had lost its last strong, fundamental pillar. Everyone thought Mehmed alone was unfit to rule.

After the Polish victory, Mehmed thought that he had to complete a mission that Suleiman I himself could not do. Mehmed's goal became Vienna. Vienna which could not be taken in hundred years before, with a much stronger army, and Vienna, which has strengthened a lot in the last hundred years or so. It is not surprising, then, that in 1683 the Ottomans failed miserably in their attempt to conquer Vienna. After the defeat, the sultan tried his best to blame the current Grand Vizier, Merzifonlu Kara Mustafa Pasha, who was the brother-in-law of the previous Grand-Vezier, Köprülüzade Fazıl Ahmed Pasha who died soon before due to his alcoholism. This was Mehmed's first very serious political mistake after his mother's death.

The following years were about a series of tragedies. The enemies of the Ottoman Empire allied in turn and squeezed the Ottomans more and more out of European territories. This caused general dissatisfaction, and then over time, chaos, executions, financial problems spread throughout the empire, more and more rebellions set in, and even natural disasters plagued the tragic empire.

The beginning of the end

Mehmed's fate was practically sealed by the death of his mother as he became increasingly unpopular. He suffered his final blow in 1687. During the second battle of Mohács, the Ottoman corps practically disintegrated due to the unsuitable Grand Vezier. The Grand Vizier escaped the front immediately. After that, the various military corps left the battlefield without an order and retreated to Istanbul. Mehmed tried to save the situation by appointing a new Grand Vizier, Köprülü Fazıl Mustafa Pasha. Köprülü Fazıl Mustafa Pasha was the younger brother of Köprülü Fazıl Ahmed Pasha and the youngest son of the great Köprülü Mehmed Pasha. The new Grand Vizier began negotiations with the leaders of the corps returning to Istanbul for the sake of the empire. Eventually, after lengthy negotiations, they agreed that the sultan should be replaced. Some say that Mehmed believed his son Mustafa would be put in his place, so he voluntarily stood aside. But the pashas and soldiers eventually seated Mehmed's younger brother, Suleiman, who was thus able to begin his reign as Süleyman II after his decades-long closed life.

Mehmed initially lived in Topkapi Palace in isolation, separated from his family, but over time, seeing that he posed no threat to the new ruler, he was allowed to stay in Edirne as well. Mehmed was the first sane sultan to be dethroned but not executed. Previously, only the mentally ill Mustafa I was spared after his dethronement. In addition, unlike Mehmed's predecessor, he did not have to live his remaining years in complete isolation, he enjoyed quite a lot of freedom. He was even able to retain this freedom after 1691 when it was revealed that some were cooperating against Suleiman to put Mehmed IV back on the throne. Mehmed finally died in 1693 in Edirne. His body was transported to Istanbul to be buried in his mother's complex, next to Turhan Hatice Sultan.

Used sources: A. D. Alderson - The Structure of the Ottoman Dynasty; L. Peirce - The Imperial Harem: Women and Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire; N. Sakaoğlu - Bu Mülkün Kadın Sultanları; M. Ç. Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad; G. Junne - The black eunuchs of the Ottoman Empire; R. Dankoff - An Ottoman Mentality: The World of Evliya Çelebi; R. Murphey - ‘The Functioning of the Ottoman Army under Murad IV (1623–1639/1032–1049):Key to Understanding of the Relationship Between Center and Periphery; M. Özgüleş - The women who built the Ottoman Empire: Female Patronage and the Architectural Legacy of Gülnüş Sultan

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Születése és gyermekkora

Mehmed 1642 januárjában látta meg a napvilágot I. Ibrahim szultán és ágyasa, Turhan Hatice első gyermekeként. Korai évei egyáltalán nem voltak felhőtlenek, ugyanis Mehmed herceg szoptatósdajkája és annak fia nagyon megtetszettek a szultánnak, aki állandóan a dajka fiát, Oszmánt babusgatta. Saját fiát, Mehmedet csúnya kisbabának tartotta, eltaszította magától. Az, hogy egy rabszolga fiát sajátjaként neveli hatalmas anomáliát okozott a háremben és rengeteg pletykát indított útjára. Turhan nem tűrhette fia, a trónörökös megalázását ezért egyesek szerint kérdőrevonta Ibrahimot. Mások szerint a szoptatósdajkát küldte el szolgálatából, aki pedig elpanaszolta Turhan viselkedését a szultánnak. Akárhogyan is, Ibrahim szultán éktelen haragra gerjedt és dühét Mehmeden vezette le. Hatalmas jelenetet rendezett, majd kitépte Mehmed herceget édesanyja karjából és egy ciszternába hajította. A gyermek súlyos fejsérüléseket szenvedett, de szerencsére a körülöttük lévő szolgálók azonnal megmentésére siettek. Mehmed homlokán élete végéig ott volt az ekkor szerzett sebhely. Bár minden oka meg lett volna, nem biztos, hogy Mehmed hibáztatta apját az eset miatt. Későbbi megnyilvánulásaiból úgy tűnik, inkább szánta apját mentális állapota miatt és azért, amilyen véget ért.

A következő évek a rettegésről és megalázásról szóltak, hiszen Ibrahim egyre őrültebb lett, egyre többször követett el megmagyarázhatatlan dolgokat. Köszem szultána, Ibrahim anyja, követői segítségével egy ponton megpróbálták trónfosztani az őrült szultánt, hogy helyére fiát, Mehmedet ültessék, azonban nem jártak sikerrel. Rengeteg fej hullott porba, Köszemet magát is száműzték. Nem tudjuk, Mehmed mennyit értett az ekkori eseményekből és mennyire voltak hatással későbbi életére. Azonban a tény, hogy gyűlölte a fővárost utalhat arra, hogy Mehmednek nem volt ínyére ez a sok intrika, amely megrontotta a fővárost. Mehmed és édesanyja között nagyon szoros volt a kapcsolat, talán az egyik legszorosabb a Nők szultánátusának időszakából. Ez az erős kapocs is talán a közös szenvedésben és hányattatott időszakban formálódott.

A gyermek szultán

1648 augusztusában végül a janicsárok és Köszem szultána trónfosztották Ibrahimot és elzárták. Hamarosan az államférfiak a palotához sereglettek, hogy elvigyék Mehmed herceget a janicsár mecsetbe, hogy ott szultánjukká kiáltsák ki. Köszem szultána ezt nem engedte, nem adta át unokáját. Órákon át vitatkozott az államférfiakkal, mielőtt végül megegyeztek volna, hogy Mehmed herceget a palotán belül kiáltják ki szultánná, ahogy ezt a hagyományok is megkövetelik. Az államférfiak nem Mehmed fiatal anyját, hanem Köszem szultánát kérték fel, hogy ellássa a régensi feladatokat IV. Mehmed mellett. Az államférfiak azt várták Köszemtől, hogy felkészíti Turhant és Mehmedet a rájuk váró feladatra, Köszem azonban máshogy gondolta. Maga kívánta vezetni a birodalmat, egyeduralkodóként.

Mehmed mindössze nyolc éves volt, mikor  1649. október 21-én két öccsével, Szulejmánnal (későbbi II. Szulejmán) és Ahmeddel (későbbi II. Ahmed) együtt hatalmas pompa övezte szertartás során körülmetélték. Mehmed gyermekként igyekezett helyt állni a rá nehezedő feladatok elvégzésében, rendszeresen vett részt a divan üléseken nagyanyjával. Idővel azonban egyre jobban elmérgesedett a viszony a divan tagok és Köszem között és Mehmedet is többször eszközként használták ezen viták során. Ez egyre jobban aggasztotta Mehmed édesanyját is, így végül a pasákkal kezdett szövetkezni Köszem ellen.

Fellélgezés

Sok a legenda és félinformáció az 1651-es évről. Annyi bizonyos, hogy Köszem egyeduralma senkinek sem tetszett. Idővel az összes államférfi Köszem ellen fordult és el akarták őt távolítani a hatalom közeléből. Köszem egyetlen támasza a janicsárok néhány hadteste volt, akiknek bármi történt is, élvezhette a támogatását. Köszemnek nem lévén embere a divánban, Turhan előnybe került. Turhan ugyanis Szulejmán Aga, a főeunuch, segítségével kapcsolatba kerülhetett az államférfiakkal és néhányuk támogatását azonnal megszerezte. Olyan információk keltek szárnyra, melyek szerint Köszem szultána trónfosztani kívánta Mehmedet és helyére Szulejmán herceget akarta ültetni. Ez egyet jelentett volna Mehmed elzárásával és halálával. Hiszen Ibrahim kivégzésekor is arra hivatkoztak, hogy ha már van egy szultán (Mehmed), akkor a másik szultán (Ibrahim) léte okafogyottá vált. Mások szerint Köszem sosem akart ilyet tenni, csak a pasák hiteték el Turhannal. Azt sem zárhatjuk ki, hogy maga Turhan találta ki ezt, hogy legitimizálja Köszem eltávolítását.

Köszem szultánát végül egy puccs során 1651 szeptemberében megfojtották és a hatalom Turhan Haticére szállt. Ezzel Mehmed felszabadult nagyanyja zsarnoksága alól és végre biztonságban érezhette magát. Féltestvéreit, Szulejmánt és Ahmedet elzárták, így nem jelenthettek veszélyt többé Mehmedre. Édesanyja és a fő eunuch Szulejmán aga mindent megtettek, hogy Mehmed megfelelő oktatásban részesüljön és egy nap jó szultánja legyen a birodalomnak. Innentől kezdve Mehmedet Turhan kísérte a diván ülésekre, aki sokszor nyíltan felszólalt. Mehmed nagyban támaszkodott édesanyja szavaira a divánban. Egyszer, mikor a pasák arról tájékoztatták Mehmedet, hogy Egyiptom nem volt képes befizetni az éves adóját, a fiatal szultán anyjához fordult és döbbenten kérdezte anyját, hogy igaz e amit hall. Ahogy Mehmed idősödött és egyre többet tudott, Turhan mind ritkábban vett részt a divan ülésein. Ám ennek nem Mehmed kora volt az egyetlen oka.

A lázadás

Köszem szultána kivégzését Turhan és tanácsadói könnyedén elsimították, a Köszemet támogató janicsárokat tették felelőssé az események miatt, és őket végezték ki. Később viszont nem voltak ilyen szerencsések és 1656-ben valódi lázadással kellett szembenézniük. Ennek legnagyobb oka a gyenge nagyvezírek, az újjáéledő Celeli lázadás és a velenceiekkel vívott háború voltak. A körülmények miatt nem jutott elég gabona a fővárosba, a katonák nem kaptak rendesen fizetést, de az egyszerű emberek is egyre elégedetlenebbek voltak, különösen dühítette őket a szultánhoz közelállók extrém gazdagsága. Végül a janicsárok és szpáhik vezetésével a nép fellázadt 1656 március negyedikén.

A lázadás során a szultánhoz közelállók közül többeket brutálisan kivégeztek, az egész fővárost feldúlták. Végül néhány nap után a lázadó elérték, hogy az alig 15 éves szultán találkozzon velük. A leírások alapján Mehmed reszketett félelmében, de végül erőt vett magán és megkérdezte a lázadókat, hogy mit akarnak tőle. Erre azok átnyújtottak egy 31 ember nevét tartamazó listát, és lemondásukat, sőt kivégzésüket követelték. Mehmed először úgy próbált kibújni ez alól, hogy nyilvánosan megbocsátotta a 31 embernek, amiért ifjú korát kihasználva befolyásolni próbálták. A katonáknak viszont ez nem volt elég, Mehmed kénytelen volt engedni a zsarolásnak.

A csőcselék mind a 31 embert a Kék Mecset mellett felakasztotta egy egy fára. Köztük volt Meleki Hatun is, akit a szultán különösen szeretett. A katonák egyébként Mehmedet nem hibáztatták, sőt méltatták, amiért végre elég érett és átveheti a birodalom irányítását anyjától és az eunuchoktól.

Bár korábban is rázták meg lázadások a fővárost, ehhez fogható még sosem történt. Nem csak a katonák lázadtak fel, a nép is egy emberként állt ki a katonák mellett és állt be mögéjük. Mindenki bezárta boltjait, általános sztrájk lépett érvénybe a lázadás idejére.

Az események után egyértelmű volt, hogy egy erőskezű vezetőre van szüksége a birodalomnak, így végül Turhan szultána megtette az igen népszerűtlen, de erőskezű Köprülü Mehmed Pasát nagyvezírnek. Köprülü valóban hamarosan rendbeszedte a birodalmat. Mehmedet egy életre traumatizálta az esemény, következő évei arról szóltak, hogy igyekezett bizonyítani alkalmasságát és igyekezett távol maradni Isztambultól. Minden bizonnyal a lázadás okozta rossz emlékei miatt töltötte Mehmed szinte minden idejét Edirnében, hadjáraton vagy a Balkánon vadászatokkal.

A fiatal szultán

Mehmedet nem igazán érdekelte a politika. Ennek alighanem köze lehet ahhoz, hogy Mehmed tanítójának tanácsára a lázadások után Mehmed édesanyjával és egész udvartartásukkal együtt Edirnébe költözött. Edirne biztonságosabb volt, jobb volt az ellátás, és politikai szempontból is tanácsos volt kis időre eltávolítani a fényűző dinasztiát a fővárosból. Így viszont az uralkodás is háttérbeszorult Mehmed életében, hiszen Köprülü intézett mindent, csak a legszükségesebb dolgokat vitatta meg a szultánnal, de még ezeket is inkább annak anyjával tárgyalta. A fiatal szultán ekkor fedezhette fel saját érdeklődési területeit, így a vadászatot, utazást és művészeteket. Az ifjú szultán rengeteget költött művészekre, imádta a művészetek minden formáját. Nagy számban alkalmazott például udvarában nem muszlim zenészeket is.

Ahogy az események kezdtek nyugalmasabbá válni és ahogy a birodalom kezdett stabilizálódni, ideje volt Mehmedet megkedveltetni a néppel. Ehhez pedig Mehmed egy időre kénytelen volt elhagyni Edirnét. Az Edirnébe költözés felélesztette a régi hagyományokat, ugyanis Edirne is volt egy ideig a birodalmi főváros. Ezért 1659 júniusában a harmadik birodalmi fővárosba, Bursába is elutaztak hatalmas pompával, hogy megmutassák magukat. A meglehetősen sikeres körút szeptemberben zárult, amikor a Turhan szultána által Çanakkaleban építtetett két erődöt tekintette meg a szultán. Turhan természetesen nem tartott fiával, hanem Gelibolu városában maradt, a szultánt pedig kísérete mellett Köprülü Mehmed Pasa és a fő fekete eunuch kísérte az erődhöz. Az erőd megtekintése és felavatása után Mehmed visszatért anyjához. A körútnak köszönhetően Mehmed igen népszerű lett, így maga mögött hagyhatta az 1656-os gyűlölethullámot.

1660-ban aztán újabb tragédia rázta meg a fővárost. Hatalmas tűzvész pusztított, hatalmasabb, mint az addigi tüzek bármelyike. Végül sikerült helyreállítani a fővárost, Turhan Hatice hatalmas mecsetkomplexumot építtetett az elpusztult területen és igyekeztek megsegíteni a tűzvészben mindenüket elveszítő muszlimokat. A területen élő zsidók kevésbé voltak szerencsések.

Mehmed életében és uralkodásában a következő törés 1661-ben következett be, mikor meghalt Köprülü Mehmed Pasa. A pasa remekül irányította a birdalmat, sikerrel állította vissza a dinasztia hírnevét. Halálos ágyánál is mellette volt IV. Mehmed, akit Köüprülü figyelmeztetett, hogy nem szabad a nőkben bíznia és az ő tanácsaikat követni a politikában. Köprülü nőellenessége különösen érdekes, hiszen ő maga Turhan nélkül sohasem válhatott volna nagyvezírré, de még csak megbecsült pasává sem. Mehmed végül nem hallgatott a haldokló pasa szavaira, hiszen halála után fő támasza édesanyja, Turhan és kedvese, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş lettek. Köprülü Mehmed helyére pedig annak idősebb fiát, Köprülüzade Fazıl Ahmed Pasát nevezte ki.

A családapa

Mehmed, ahogy egyre idősebb lett édesanyja elkezdett hozzá ágyasokat küldeni, így került hozzá Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş is, aki végül Mehmed Haszekije és kedvence lett. Első gyermekük - és feltehetőleg Mehmed első gyermeke is - 1660-ban jött világra és a Hatice nevet kapta, vélhetően Turhan Hatice tiszteletére. Mehmed nemsokkal később az egész udvartartását áthelyezte Edirnébe, ezzel gyakorlatilag mintegy második fővárossá tette meg az általa annyira kedvelt várost. Tökéletes időzítés volt, hogy elsőszülött fia, Musztafa itt látta meg a napvilágot 1664-ben. Mehmed annyira örült fia születésének, hogy elképesztő ajándékokkal halmozta el a gyermek anyját, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüşt és innentől kezdve a szultán sosem hagyta magára a nőt, magával vitte a vadászataira, sőt hadjárataira is. Együtt még legalább két gyermekük született, Ahmed (későbbi III. Ahmed) 1673-ban és Fatma Emetullah 1675-ben. Mehmednek a fent említett négy gyermeken kívül bizonyosan voltak más gyermekei (Ayşe, Bayezid, Ümmügülsüm, Süleyman). Az ő anyjuk kiléte ismeretlen, lehetett Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş is, de akár más ágyasok is.

Mehmed azon kevés szultánok közé tartozik, aki meglehetősen szoros kapcsolatot alakított ki gyermekeivel, különösen lgidősebb fiával, Musztafával. A legtöbb pasa és kortárs kifejezetten elítélte és lenézte a szultánt, amiért az túl sok időt tölt fiával és nem viselkedik vele elég távolságtartón, ahogy egy méltóságosságtól elvárható lenne. Mehmed rendszeresen vitte magával fiait - különösen Musztáfát - vadászataira, hadjárataira, de a ceremóniákon is maga mellett tartotta és több dologra személyesen ő tanította meg őket, így például lovagolni is. Az pedig, hogy a szultán együtt evett, ivott és mulatott fiával kifejezetten taszító volt a pasák szemében, hiszen ezt illetlen viselkedésnek tartották.

Extrém szoros viszonya fiaival a trónöröklés kérdésére is hatással volt. A legenda úgy tartja, hogy Mehmedet kedvese, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş szultána igyekezett meggyőzni arról, hogy végeztesse ki elzárva tartott féltestvéreit és helyettük fiaikat tegye meg örökösének. Ismerve azonban a Mehmed és fiai közt fennálló végtelenül szoros viszonyt, nem zárhatjuk ki, hogy maga Mehmed kívánta megváltoztatni az öröklést. Akárki is volt a kifundálója, senki sem támogatta az ötletet, sem a nép, sem a pasák és Mehmed anyja, Turhan szultána sem. Turhan, hogy megóvja Szulejmán és Ahmed hercegeket a haláltól, fiát pedig a bukástól, mindig maga mellett tartotta két nevelt fiát. Ha Turhan utazott, magával vitte őket, nehogy távollétében Mehmed kivégeztesse őket.

Újra a harctéren

A szultánok III. Murad óta (sőt igazából szinte II. Szelim óta) nem igazán vettek részt a hadjáratokon, amit a katonák elégedetlenül fogadtak. Hatalmas felüdülést jelentett ebből a kiábrándító helyzetből IV. Murad uralma, aki dicső hadjáratokat folytatott. Egyértelmű volt tehát, hogy növelni tudnák Mehmed népszerűségét, ha ő is részt vesz a hadjáratokon. Mehmed elődeivel ellentétben nem követte katonáit a harctérre, hanem tőlük hátramaradva, egy biztonságos helyen várta a híreket. Ezekre a hadjáratokra rendszeresen magával vitte kedvenc ágyasát, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüşt is.

Az első ilyen hadjáratra 1672-ben került sor, mikor Mehmed az egész háremét, anyját, Haszekijét, testvéreit is magával vitte a lengyel területekre. Néhány hónapot töltöttek a front közelében, majd visszatértek Edirnébe. A megkötött egyezséget azonban a lengyelek keresztülhúzták, így 1673-ban Mehmed kénytelen volt visszatérni a frontra és magával vitte kedvesét is. Ez azért különösen említésre méltó, mert azontúl, hogy a szultánok évszázadok óta nem vitték harctérre asszonyaikat, Emetullah Rabia Gülnüş már előrehaladott terhes volt második fiával, akit végül a hadjáraton szült meg. Ez a valaha volt egyetlen olyan eset, amikor egy oszmán herceg a hadszíntéren született meg, távol a főváros vagy a provinciák biztonságától.

Mehmed életében a lengyelekkel vívott háború volt a legsikeresebb, győzelmükkel az Oszmán Birodalom elérte valaha volt legnagyobb földrajzi kiterjedését. A lengyel hadjárat sikere után a szultán Edirnébe vonult vissza, ahol 1675-ben hatalmas ünnepséget szervezett, melyen két fiát Musztafát és Ahmedet körülmetélték, legidősebb lányát Haticét pedig kiházasította. A hatalmas fesztivált imádták az emberek és innen maradt ránk egy meglehetősen pontos és hiteles leírás arról, hogy maga a szultán hogyan nézett ki. Az egyik aga leírása alapján a szultán - aki ekkor harmincas éveinek elején járt - közepes termetű, erős testalkatú férfi volt, ritkás szakállal és világos bőrrel, mely az állandó szabadtéri tevékenységek miatt napbarnítottba fordult.

1676-ban aztán Mehmed újabb hadjáratra indult - természetesen ismét kedvesével az oldalán -, ezúttal az oroszokkal kívánt megmérkőzni. A hadjárat célja az mai ukrán - akkori lengyel - területek feletti uralom volt. Végül 1681-ben megállapodással zárult le a hadjárat.

Egyedül

Mehmed édesanyjának, Turhan szultánának egészsége 1681-ben fokozatosan romlásnak indult. Követek úgy írnak róla, hogy "állapota nagyon leromlott és nincs remény kezelésre". Nem tudjuk, hogy pontosan mi volt Turhan betegsége, de fiát minden bizonnyal megviselte a helyzet. Mehmed, amikor nem volt távol az udvartól, minden nap tiszteletét tette anyjánál és megvitatott vele minden politikai témát. Szoros viszonyuk miatt, szinte biztosra vehető, hogy Turhan 1683-as halála mélyen megrázta fiát. A személyes veszteségen túl hatalmas politikai kudarcokat is előrevetített Turhan halála és ez sajnos már 1683-ban előre látható volt. Turhan halálakor a nép és pasák mind egyöntetűen úgy gondolták, hogy a valide szultána halálával a birodalom elvesztette utolsó erős, alappillérét. Mindenki úgy gondolta, Mehmed egyedül alkalmatlan az uralkodásra.

Mehmed a lengyel győzelem után úgy gondolta, hogy be kell teljesíteni azt a küldetést, amit maga I. Szulejmán sem tudott megtenni. Mehmed célja Bécs lett. Az a Bécs, amit bő száz évvel korábban sem tudtak bevenni, jóval erősebb hadsereggel és az a Bécs, amely az elmúlt mintegy száz évben rengeteget erősödött. Nem meglepő hát, hogy 1683-ban az oszmánok csúfosan belebuktak a Bécs meghódítására tett kísérletükbe. A vereség után a szultán mindent igyekezett az aktuális nagyvezírre, Merzifonlu Kara Mustafa Pasára kenni, aki az alkoholizmusa miatt nem sokkal előbb meghalt Köprülüzade Fazıl Ahmed Pasa sógora volt. Ez volt Mehmed első igen súlyos politikai hibája anyja halála után.

A következő évek a sorozatos tragédiákról szóltak. Az Oszmán Birodalom ellenségei sorra fogtak össze egymással és szorították egyre kintebb az oszmánokat az európai területekről. Ez általános elégedetlenséget okozott, majd idővel káosz, kivégzések, anyagi problémák terjedtek el mindenhol a birodalomban, egyre több lázadás indult útjára és még természeti katasztrófák is sújtották a tragikus helyzetben lévő birodalmat.

A vég kezdete

Gyakorlatilag már anyja halálával megpecsételődött Mehmed sorsa, egyre népszerűtlenebb lett, a végső csapást pedig 1687-ben szenvedte el. A második mohácsi csata során gyakorlatilag szétesett az oszmán hadtest az alkalmatlan nagyevzír miatt, aki azonnal menekülőre fogta. Ezekután a különböző katonai hadtestek saját elhatározásukkal ott hagyták a csatateret és visszavonultak Isztambulba. Mehmed azzal próbálta menteni a helyzetet, hogy új nagyvezírt nevezett ki, Köprülü Fazıl Mustafa Pasát. Köprülü Fazıl Mustafa Pasa, Köprülü Fazıl Ahmed Pasának volt az öccse és a nagy Köprülü Mehmed Pasa legkisebb fia. Az új nagyvezír a birodalom érdekében tárgyalása kezdett az Isztambulba visszaérkező hadtestek vezetőivel. Végül hosszas tárgyalások után arra jutottak, hogy a szultánt le kell váltani. Mehmed egyesek szerint úgy hitte, helyére fiát, Musztafát fogják ültetni, ezért önként félreállt. Ám a pasák és katonák végül Mehmed öccsét, Szulejmánt ültették trónra, aki így évtizedekig tartó elzárt élete után megkezdhette uralkodását II. Szulejmán néven.

Mehmed eleinte a Topkapi Palotában élt elzárva, családjától elválasztva, idővel azonban - látva, hogy nem jelent veszélyt az új uralkodóra - engedélyt kapott, hogy Edirnében is időzzön. Mehmed volt az első épelméjű szultán, akit trónjától megfosztottak ám nem végeztettek ki. Korábban csak a mentálisan beteg I. Musztafa életét kímélték meg trónfosztása után. Emellett Mehmed elődjével ellentétben nem kellett, hogy teljes elzárásban élje le hátralévő éveit, meglehetősen nagy szabadságot élvezett. Még úgy is megtarthatta ezt a szabadságot, hogy 1691-ben kiderült, hogy néhányan szövetkeztek II. Szulejmán ellen, hogy újra IV. Mehmedet ültessék trónra. Mehmed végül 1693-ban hunyt el, Edirnében. Testét onnan Isztambulba szállították, hogy édesanyja komplexumában temessék el, Turhan szultána mellé.

Felhasznált források: A. D. Alderson - The Structure of the Ottoman Dynasty; L. Peirce - The Imperial Harem: Women and Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire; N. Sakaoğlu - Bu Mülkün Kadın Sultanları; M. Ç. Uluçay - Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları; C. Finkel - Osman's Dream: The Story of the Ottoman Empire; G. Börekçi - Factions and favourites at the courts of Sultan Ahmed I (r. 1603-17) and his immediate predecessors; S. Faroqhi - The Ottoman Empire and the World; C. Imber - The Ottoman Empire 1300-1650; G. Piterberg - An Ottoman Tragedy, History and Historiography at Play; F. Suraiya - The Cambridge History of Turkey, The Later Ottoman Empire, 1603–1839; Howard - A History of the Ottoman Empire; Öztuna - Devletler ve Hanedanlar; F. Davis - The Palace of Topkapi in Istanbul; Y. Öztuna - Genç Osman ve IV. Murad; G. Junne - The black eunuchs of the Ottoman Empire; R. Dankoff - An Ottoman Mentality: The World of Evliya Çelebi; R. Murphey - ‘The Functioning of the Ottoman Army under Murad IV (1623–1639/1032–1049):Key to Understanding of the Relationship Between Center and Periphery; M. Özgüleş - The women who built the Ottoman Empire: Female Patronage and the Architectural Legacy of Gülnüş Sultan

[marzipanandminutiae]

Hey Baby, I Think I Wanna Marry You

Unpopular opinion: I don’t see the issue with marriages.

Before you start frantically checking the news to see who said what about which social institutions, I should add that I’m talking about antique dolls.

In the doll world, a “marriage” refers to an antique doll that has a head or body different from the one it would have originally been sold with. Marriages are usually done by modern collectors who buy parts separately and assemble them, and the practice is generally ill-regarded in the community.

But I just don’t get it.

You have to understand- though primarily an antique collector, I’ve spent more time interacting with the modern BJD community. There, nobody even uses a distinct term for a “married” doll. Mixing and matching heads and bodies is considered normal, even desirable if it helps you get the doll of your dreams. As long as you’re honest about what comes from where, no-one cares. From this environment, I entered the world of trying to find a head for a rare antique doll body, and found a stark contrast in mindset.

Originality is a big deal among antique doll collectors, and I get it. The way a doll was intended to leave the toy-shop says a lot about a specific time in history. It gives you valuable information about the company and how they meant their dolls to be seen. Plus, it’s like you stepped back in time to R.H. Macy’s or Au Nain Bleu and plucked the doll from the shelf brand-new. Who wouldn’t want that magical experience?

The stumbling block for me is, marriages are historically accurate.

During the 19th century, as I’ve been told by people whose knowledge I trust, many toy shops offered “doll doctor” services. And often, they wouldn’t concern themselves with giving the doll the exact same parts it once had. This makes sense- if little Suzanne-Marie’s French fashion doll got broken, what would she care that it started with a Bru head and now had a Barrois? There was a difference, sure, but people might not even know which firm made which head at the time. A doll could be made in 1870 and become a marriage in 1871, long before it was considered a collector’s item.

So what does a modern collector do upon finding an antique marriage?

One widely accepted practice is to dismantle the doll, keep the more desirable parts, and begin a search for the “right head/body/arms/whatever.” While I can understand doing this as a dealer trying to maximize your profits or if there’s a huge discrepancy in era or quality between the parts, it doesn’t make sense to me in many cases. If the parts were matched together so long ago that the doll was still new, why destroy what it’s been all this time? The doll has spent longer as a marriage than it did "all-original” at that point. That’s more of its story.

Which brings me to modern marriages of antique parts.

I have my dream doll body. It’s an all-wooden French fashion body by Bru, with almost as much articulation as a modern single-jointed BJD. I sold other dolls to bring it home and it’s a continual source of wonder to me. The thing is, I’m not overly fond of most Bru heads. The ones I do like tend to be even rarer than usual- and “usual” in this case is VERY rare indeed.

If I use a head that’s the same age and genre as the body, if it’s equal in quality, what’s the harm in making a marriage? Certainly no resale value is lost as long as I’m honest if I ever list the doll. I could even sell the head and body separately at exactly the going rate for each. And even if I found the “right” head, the doll’s value would still be affected by it not being all-original. With full honesty and transparency about what the doll is- a head I liked and a body I liked, from different contemporary firms -why is that a problem?

I don’t know. I just know that some antique doll FB groups outright ban discussion or photos of “marriage” dolls, and it makes no sense to me.