#it's 100% aziraphale praying

[metatronhateblog]

So I've been working on this video for a friend, and this should not be making me squeal like a little girl but it is??? So I just wanna share this clip with you I put together that's making me absolutely feral.

[crowleyscleaninglady]

GO Fanfiction list

This contains part 1 and 2 of my list of recommendations. There are 12 on here now. Some are about 9000 words and others are almost 250,000, and I have read every single word. Three of my favorites are Stitch me up, Slow show, and Or Be Nice

******Stitch Me Up  (medical au)*****

If you read any of the fics from this list this is the one. I was literally distracted at work last week because I was thinking about it. There is angst, fluff, spice (like really spicy), comfort, ughhhhh it has it all. 

This is the fic that started my medical field au binge. 

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157691 

Pretend for Me (fake dating) 

Fake dating in order to trick the Archangels. This one is so beautiful and the ending makes me tear up (happy tears) every time

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20535329 

Their tumblr: @obsessivelollipoplalala 

In Plain Sight (fake dating) 

This is the companion piece to Pretend for Me. I 100% this should be read after the first one, it makes it feel so much more complete

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741256 

Tumblr: @obsessivelollipoplalala 

*******Slow Show (tv show costars)*****

They are co-stars on a TV show. The backstories on this one are so beautiful. I forgot this was a fanfiction at multiple points and thought it was a work in and of itself. 

10/10 I will recommend this to anyone who will listen 

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20395261 

Tumblr: @mia-ugly 

Give me a title, I’ll give you my heart (single dad) 

Aziraphale is a single dad to an adorable and mischievous Adam, Crowley just moved into the neighborhood. This had me kicking my feet and giggling. 

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21160262 

Tumblr: @nohaijiachi

Ink Blots and Forget-Me-Nots (tattoo and flower shop)

Literally all of the best tropes in one well written fic. Tattoo shop and flower shop. Friends to lovers to enemies to lovers

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19455634 

The Crime Boys AU (mafia bosses) 

This was so dark and beautiful. If you like dark themes and dark romance these are the fics for you!! Make sure to read the tags on this one, but it’s so so good. 

I read Dark Angels, Golden Serpents first and then Dark Angels, Darker Serpents. It can be read either way. 

Link to fic: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924780 

START OF PART 2

******Or Be Nice (musician and bookseller) ******

Author description:

Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbours. And...it does not go at all well, until it does.

A human AU in which Aziraphale is a bookseller, Crowley is a drummer, and they are both petty disasters in the worst/best way.

My thoughts: If you read anything on this list make sure it is this one. This fic had me up until 4:45 in the morning because I could not put it down. The characterization here is absolutely perfect. I was giggling and kicking my feet at it. Also there are in text images that push this fic over the edge to be one of my all time favorites. 

Tumblr:  @charlottemadison42

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28427940/chapters/69660750 

In Knowing, In Silence (they are angels) 

Author description: After being punished in Heaven for being in love as angels, Aziraphale and Crowley spend the next 6,000 pretending their relationship never happened. 

My thoughts: The naivety of both characters is beautiful. They are just both full of so much love and don’t know how to deal with anything. It is cute and fluffy and then it kinda rips your heart out in the best way possible. It is one of the fics that make you feel something when you read it. 

Tumblr: @obsessivelollipoplalala  

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50313406/chapters/127105990 

Epiclesis (Aziraphale can hear Crowley’s prayers)

Author description: Prompt: Angels can hear it when you pray to them. Crowley has been praying for 6000 years.

My thoughts: A very beautiful representation of the idiots to lovers tag. I want to give both boys a hug and also tell them how stupid they are. I can 100% see this fic happening and I really enjoyed it. 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27836200/chapters/68148130 

What Angels Want (Crowley can hear Aziraphale’s thoughts) 

Author description: Set post-s1. Aziraphale finds a "communication spell" in one of the books in his shop. He decides to try a modified version of it in hopes of finding out if Crowley feels the same way about him. Nothing seems to happen, and Aziraphale assumes the spell is a dud.

Unfortunately, Aziraphale is bad at magic and through the kind of silly logic only fan-fiction can provide, it turns out Crowley can now read all of Aziraphale's thoughts about his favorite demon!

Join these two silly heads in a silly mini-adventure featuring some very un-angelic thoughts and one very scandalized Demon. Please do not take this seriously, this is just for fun and not representative of how I view the canon characters!

My thoughts: If you like dirty talk then this is the fic for you!!! This fic was a lot of fun to read. It gets very dirty but I absolutely loved it. 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47184475/chapters/118884859 

[mid0khan]

I got tagged by @the-apocrypha in the last line game, so I'll share a little bit of the (really big) Sandman fic I'm working on (like seriously I went from 'only writes one shots' to 'start a 100-chapters-long project' with no transition and I don't know what I'm doing I can only pray it's good)

Anyway, enjoy

Hob stood across the street from the bookshop.

When Abel had told him there was an angel in London, and one with a passion for books and a knack for magic, he had hardly believed his luck. If the revelation hadn’t been immediately followed by Cain stabbing a butter knife in his brother’s head (“How dare you ruin a perfectly good mystery you miserable maggot!”), Hob would have hugged him. Cain had assured him such a “benign” wound would heal pretty quickly, and he had even proposed to burry Abel near the surface, so he would rise up more easily, but Hob had awoken before he had a chance to thank his unlucky informant.

Finding the bookshop had been easy enough, but Hob was now facing an unexpected difficulty.

The ghost car, the one he had seen driving itself and that had caused him to avoid Soho for years now, was parked right in front of the shop.

He had feared he would see it; he was in the middle of its territory after all. But he had never thought the thing would be waiting for him there.

Hob had been standing there, staring at his newfound adversary for at least half an hour. The thing hadn’t moved at all. It was waiting for its time to strike, no doubt. Hob had no choice but to try and get around the car to reach the shop’s door, and pray that the car wouldn’t have a sudden crave for blood.

He warily crossed the road, keeping his distance with the ghost car as much as he could. It didn’t move. He hugged the wall, slowly approaching the door while never taking his eyes off the beast. From up close, he could see what a beautiful car it was. He hadn’t seen this kind of Bentley in ages, and this one looked brand new! He would have been in awe if he hadn’t been so suspicious of the thing. He finally reached the door, all but fleeing away from the car with a sigh of relief.

When his eyes got used to the relative darkness of the shop, Hob gasped.

Books everywhere. Books on shelves so full they looked like they were going to crumble. Books in piles on the floor. Books on the stairs, because there was a mezzanine filled with books too. New books, old books, children’s tales next to things that really should not be read by children, big classics and very niche authors… It was untidy. It was crumpled.

It was lovely.

“Go away,” a voice slurred to Hob’s left, making him jump. “We probably don’t have what you’re looking for, and if we did, we wouldn’t sell it to you anyway.”

Hob had been so focused on the books, he hadn’t noticed the little reading space next to him. Slumped in a very old armchair, a red-headed man was staring at him, slightly menacing. He looed very out of place in the bookshop, with his old-rocker style and his sunglasses, but somehow, he also seemed to perfectly belong there.

“Weird way to handle a bookshop,” Hob mused, and the redhead hissed at him. “But I’m not here to buy anything, actually I have a book to show to M. Fell?”

The redhead raised an eyebrow, curious, all trace of aggressivity leaving his body.

“Oh! Well in that case, welcome. Aziraphale is out for now, but he should be back soon. You can wait for him here, take a sit.” With a lazy raise of his arm, he pointed to a chair, and after carefully putting the pile of books covering it away, Hob sat, trying not to stare too much.

He was sure he had already seen the man somewhere.

The thing with being immortal was that he had seen a lot of people. It wasn’t always easy to remember which face belonged to which name, or where and when he had met someone. But there were situations that were harder to forget than others.

He had frequented a few circles that were… not very legal, in the 60’s. He had missed the thrill that came with doing something forbidden, that he had grown up with as a mercenary, and he had been quite good at picking locks. He had made sure never to kill anybody (his life and the last century both had had enough death already, thank you very much), but still, it had not been as fun as it had once been. He had felt like a fraud, stealing alongside people who struggled to make ends meet when he himself had been richer than any of their victims.

But there had been a weird job, not long before he had left his group. Someone had offered thousands to simply walk in a church and steal holly water. Of course the client has made it look like a big coup, but Hob had not been fooled. He had refused the job. He didn’t want to risk getting dragged in some demon summoning or whatever.

The redhead was the spitting image of the client.

Maybe it was just a man looking a lot like his father. Or maybe it was the same person. A fellow immortal? Another angel? Something else?

Maybe he could help too?

“Could you take a look at the book, too?” Hob asked, making the redhead frown. “I really need advices on how to use it.”

“How to use a book? Well, usually, you’re supposed to read it.”

“This one is a bit special; besides, I can’t read it.”

Hob took the grimoire out of his Marlowe was better tote bag, and the redhead tensed

“Nope! Absolutely not.”

“Could you help me-”

“No.” The redhead stood and grabbed Hob, forcing him toward the door. “I’m not helping you with that, Aziraphale is not helping you with that, you get out and you never come back.” He pushed Hob out of the shop and slammed the door shut behind him.

Hob stood there, dumbfounded. Welp, that didn’t go as planned. What was he supposed to do now? Could he convince the redhead to let him back inside? Was there maybe another book-specialist angel in London?

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a squeal. He realized he was still in front of the bookshop’s door, and a white-haired man was standing in front of him, a look of bewilderment on his face, his hands flapping in front of him in excitement. The man pointed to the grimoire still in Hob’s hands with a shaking finger.

“Oh my, is it really… No, it can’t be, but it looks just like… Where did you… Come in!” The man grabbed Hob’s arm and dragged him back in the bookshop, while almost screaming. “Crowley? Crowley dear, you won’t believe what I just found!”

I am supposed to tag people there too, which makes me a bit nervous, so I'll tag @cuubism, @kydrogendragon and @mimisempai if you want to play, and if you don't, forget I ever tagged you

[aceasadhd]

The most annoying thing about the Good Omens Season 2 final is that it's EXACTLY what Aziraphale would do and no matter how much you scream at the screen, you know in your heart that it was 100% in character and all you can do is pray for season 3

[moonyinpisces]

I have had a headcanon since August about Aziraphale returning to the bookshop to realize all his books are gone, cut to a particularly emotionally devastating moment later when he realizes Crowley has saved them all. I’ve literally been borderline feral praying some version of it happens in s3. But you know what? If it doesn’t, I have this fic. Thank you for your contribution to my mental health. 

(ALSO. I cannot WAIT for the conversation where a flustered Crowley learns exactly why Aziraphale had to miracle away his… distraction)

ahhhhh you had good instincts then!! i'm just like crowley totally would be like "i don't even care muriel just sell them all!" and then cut to the next day he's walking in in about 100 different disguises buying them all. and muriel doesn't even notice

[pleaseinsertwittyurl]

Falling Up (Good Omens)

I plan to post on AO3 as soon as I can but here's a little tidbit to get some feedback/interest! We will be skipping around in time and seeing things progress from both sides until they eventually merge! Hope you all enjoy <3

***

---------------------------One Week Earlier--------------------------------

Crowley’s plants had given up. Their master hadn’t misted them in months, and it had been even longer since he’d yelled at them. They had taken care of each other as best they could but one cannot pour from an empty cup. So they withered. They drooped. Their leaves grew tattered with holes. Soon they would curl in on themselves, the last traces of water dried from their soil, and die. They mourned for each other. They longed for the scornful shouts of their master, to terrify them into thriving. But their master had not moved from his spot, and showed no signs that he would any time soon.

For Crowley had been laid, outstretched on the floor, totally still since…

He did not cry, nor shout, nor curse, nor pray. He just stared, longingly, through his ceiling. His copy of “Love of my Life” had long since worn out, but it still spun endlessly on its perch. His apartment had gathered a thick layer of dust, draping across every inch like a blanket of sorrow. Even he was covered, practically a derelict piece of the furniture.

He had tried to carry on as usual after Aziraphale ran off to be Heaven’s new fancy pants Supreme whatever. But everything usual about his life left with the Angel. The bookshop was unbearable without him. Muriel, sweet as they were, understood little of Crowley’s attempts at conversation. Driving the Bentley 100 miles per hour lacked appeal without his Angel there to beg him to slow down. Tempting humans was pointless, they did whatever they wanted to at this point. Not like he took orders from Hell anymore anyway. It only took 10 days before he had laid down. 10 Days before the tiny, shriveled up fragment of hope within him died. He never intended to not get back up, it had just sort of worked out that way.

Maybe he hoped someone would burst through the door and tell him to get up, or that Hell would come seeking revenge for his betrayal, or that the world would just end around him. But no one came. The world went on spinning. The Demon was alone. As well he probably should be. Companionship was not intended for the damned. He’d been foolish to let himself think otherwise. Optimistic and foolish. He was cured of the notion now and had resigned himself to an eternity of boredom. Of solitude.

Until one day, a random afternoon in a sea of empty hours, he felt…something. Like the phenomena humans often describe that they can feel someone was watching them. It was eerie. Usually eerie feelings delighted the Demon, but this was different. The presence felt…powerful. It felt like a concentrated beam of unfiltered sunlight was shining straight down on him. Yet there was nothing there. No light, no Angel, no Demon. Just Crowley, lying pitifully on the floor, with the uneasy feeling that he was being monitored. It didn’t waver. It felt as if it may tear a hole right through his torso. It was really rather uncomfortable. 

So for the first time in who knows how long, Crowley stirred. Just a wriggle at first. Testing the response of whatever was or wasn’t there. No change. He sat up and a cloud of dust scattered around him. Still the feeling was the same. Finally he stood to his feet rather awkwardly and on shaky, unused legs. He began to brush the thick coat of dust from himself before reasoning it better to just replace the whole get up. He swept his hands down his slender frame and beneath them, his outfit was suddenly good as new. Well, it was new actually, just looked exactly the same.

The presence changed infinitesimally. He couldn’t place his finger on what exactly was different about it, there had just been the tiniest of shifts.

“Right well, I don’t know who this is, or what you want but you had better bugger off! I’m in no mood to be roped into any celestial drama. Leave. me. alone.” He called out into his empty apartment, halfheartedly. Still there. Still watching.

“I mean it! I want no part with any plans from Heaven or Hell or any other mysterious entities floating around up there so stop watching me! I’m not up to any bad or good! I’m not bothering anything! For once, can’t you just let me be?” There was a hint of desperation in his voice. It was true, he wasn’t causing any sort of trouble for either side, he wasn’t doing anything at all. He was barely even existing. Was it so hard to just let him wallow in peace? But the presence didn’t seem to hear, or if it did, it didn’t seem to care. It was steady as a stream, pushing an unfamiliar energy into every inch of his apartment.

“AAAHHHH FINE THEN! YOU WIN! SHOW YOURSELF! STATE YOUR BUSINESS!”

……

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE DO SOMETHING!”

……

“Right. Mysterious ways I s’pose.” He murmured to himself. Crowley looked around in every direction, but the only thing out of place was him. He’d left a patch of clean floor in his wake. Shit…that was quite the sulk then, wasn’t it? he thought, realizing for the first time that perhaps he was being a tad overly dramatic.

“Whatever. Do what you want. Doesn’t matter anymore anyways.” He called out to nobody in particular. “I’m outta here.” And with that, he flung his darkened glasses across his eyes, and stormed from his apartment in a huff. The presence didn’t follow. Crowley was pleasantly surprised at this. 

He reached the Bentley, cranked it up, and sped off, without really thinking of where he would go. “The Show Must Go On” was blasting through the speakers. He started to sing along.

***

That's all for now! I can post more if there's desire for it while I'm in AO3 purgatory! Thanks for reading!

[improbabledreamgirl]

explaining the songs on my good omens playlist 🎧 PART 1

i’ll include a link at the end for the actual playlist; it’s not 100% chronological, depending on how you interpret it

“this is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends” is SO crowley when he first meets aziraphale

crowley is just so enamored with this angel that he knows he can’t have; i think this song would apply to the very beginning of their friendship

The Arrangement

“we were supposed to be just friends” -aziraphale’s internal monologue when crowley saves his books in the blitz

“so you were never a saint, and i’ve loved in shades of wrong / we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts” HELLO???

they have all these rendezvous points where they (unsuccessfully) try to stay out of the higher authorities’ sight

“i’m so in love that i might stop breathing” -crowley for the past 6000 years

“we block the noise with the sound of ‘i need you,’ and for the first time, i had something to lose” 😭

all the beautiful heartbreaking angst 💔 this was a really delicate and intense scene and i think this song captures the essence of their relationship at this time really well

[molitzo]

Looking Ahead - Aziracrow Fanfic

Okay hellooo, quick intro. I have never publicly posted any fic I have written before so this is 100% a first and I am pretty nervous. If anyone has any thoughts or opinions or feedback on this please do let me know.

I hope you slightly enjoy at least and I might write some more.

Fic: Looking Ahead

Crowley watched the road pass by, the Bentley roared quietly in the background quietly resisting the urge to burst into 'song' at any given moment. The Bentley knew the silence was needed right now although of course it was a car, it could not understand why.

Crowley kept his foot steady at 90mph, tempted to floor it and get as quickly as he could out of London. But where else did he have to go? That's the problem with being an 'ineffable' being, always detectable in some form. Always having to answer to a higher power of some sorts.

Quite frankly, given the display of the last 48 hours he was surprised good ole Luci had not dragged him down to the bottom floor himself. Crowley thought to himself, 'I mean c'mon really? I just spent 6000 years 'fraternizing' with the next SUPREME ARCHANGEL'. He felt his face contort, Supreme Archangel. His angel truly was gone this time. He stopped for a second slammed his foot on the break hard, the Bentley lurched and tried to maintain a semblance of control without colliding into ongoing traffic.

The minute the danger was over the Bentley pulled itself into a close by space, on a street somewhere in central London. The Bentley did not recognize it. Crowley planted his head firmly on the steering wheel, using it to hold his head as his chest begun to get heavy. His hand slipped and the Bentley let out a noise which Crowley had only head once before. He removed his glasses, looked down at the steering wheel and a horn had appeared.

Crowley sighed heavily moving his arm back up to the top of the steering wheel, keeping his eyes to the ground just incase any nosey passersby got any ideas. 'Not your angel anymore Crowley, if he ever was' the demon muttered to himself, voice faltering at the end. He looked out the window to where the Bentley had stopped .

Everything would remind him of Aziraphale, even his own Goddamned possessions.

_____________________________________________________________

The lights got brighter and brighter the higher up the two angels went in the lift, and of course this was to be expected Heaven is of course the brightest place in all the universe. Or at least that is what the angels would expect you to believe.

Aziraphale tried hard to cover his emotions, he was in the presence of the Voice of God of course. He stopped himself mentally 'Emotions Aziraphale?! Perhaps I have been on Earth to long. He felt a shiver begin and he prayed that the Metatron did not notice.

The Metatron continued to stare blankly ahead.

Aziraphale looked up at the floor counter ticking by at rapid pace, he wondered what was held on these floors, he had never really thought about it before. He also thought that one of the first things he would do in his new position would be to instantly install some 'Lift Music' preferably Schubert or Mozart but anything would do.

'Oh actually, perhaps not.' The angel thought to himself, he had just remembered that both of these particular artists currently resided well in the depths of Hell. Maybe would not give the greatest first impression, on well his first day he supposed.

Then he regretted of thinking about Hell altogether. It took everything in Aziraphale's power at that moment to not raise a hand to his mouth and touch his lips. His eyes betrayed him at this moment, he adjusted his gaze and looked dead ahead. 'Surely it's not much longer now' he thought.

An internal debate with himself was about to begin, one that he though to himself may last an extraordinarily long time. He just had to keep reminding himself he had a job to do, he was an angel by nature of course. Being an Angel is the very essence of his being, without it who was he? Who would he be? Fallen? Never. He valued to Grace he had been bestowed to much.

Even if it meant he lost the thing most important to him. A choice had to be made. 'I couldn't have 'chosen' wrong, I am an angel. An Angel of the Lord Almighty.' Aziraphale resigned he would have to repeat this to himself daily for the next millennia.

'I couldn't have chosen wrong' He was glad this internal monologue would be kept to himself.

Could he?

[certifiablyinsanez]

I can’t stop thinking about how for 99% of humans, the concept of immortality and living forever is something almost nauseating to think about; 6,000 years even is far far too much time to be alive. What would you even do? You would love, and lose, see all that you could perhaps. You’d watch the rise and fall of empires, places you called home (maybe for centuries) vanish off the face of the earth. You’d maybe stop making friends with mortals, their companionship not worth the pain in the end, not after it repeating itself on infinite loop. Maybe you would seek out other immortal beings, people who could share in the highs and lows, but immortal humans are probably even more fickle than mortal ones. Maybe their long lives have turned them cruel, or self-righteous. Finding someone compatible has turned into a needle in a haystack situation. To most of us who are sane, this sounds like an awful situation to be in for even an extended period let alone for thousands of years, let alone forever. I don’t even want to live to be 100.

But for Crowley and Aziraphale, this is just existence. It’s a fact of their being. It’s not something they contest or really think twice about. It’s reality. And the reality, is that 6,000 years means next to nothing for them. I think for most of us, watching their 6 millennia long love story seems like a good run. A solid amount of time for a love story to start and run its course, if not end (not saying we want it to end of course). But if they’ve truly been talking for “millions of years” like Crowley said, and assuming it’s not hyperbole, we’ll say they’re at least 2 million years old. At least. For them, relative to a human perspective, their love has lasted .00006 seconds. It’s a literal blink of the eye. And they’ve only had a kind of sense of freedom from their sides for what, 4 years max? There’s something absolutely hypnotic about the story, that for immortal creatures, the problem isn’t too much time it’s that there’s never enough. The problem isn’t the tragedy of endless life, but the horrific idea that what you desire most in all the galaxies of the universe is something still out of your grasp eons later. Something you can try and patiently wait for but is never guaranteed. That after all your waiting, hoping, and praying, what you want can come and go in just a flash and by the time you reach for it:

It’s too late.

[crowleyscleaninglady]

GO Fanfictions part 2

Or Be Nice (musician and bookseller) 

Author description:

Crowley and Aziraphale are neighbours. And...it does not go at all well, until it does.

A human AU in which Aziraphale is a bookseller, Crowley is a drummer, and they are both petty disasters in the worst/best way.

My thoughts: If you read anything on this list make sure it is this one. This fic had me up until 4:45 in the morning because I could not put it down. The characterization here is absolutely perfect. I was giggling and kicking my feet at it. Also there are in text images that push this fic over the edge to be one of my all time favorites. 

Tumblr:  @charlottemadison42

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28427940/chapters/69660750 

In Knowing, In Silence (they are angels) 

Author description: After being punished in Heaven for being in love as angels, Aziraphale and Crowley spend the next 6,000 pretending their relationship never happened. 

My thoughts: The naivety of both characters is beautiful. They are just both full of so much love and don’t know how to deal with anything. It is cute and fluffy and then it kinda rips your heart out in the best way possible. It is one of the fics that make you feel something when you read it. 

Tumblr: @obsessivelollipoplalala  

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50313406/chapters/127105990 

Epiclesis (Aziraphale can hear Crowley’s prayers)

Author description: Prompt: Angels can hear it when you pray to them. Crowley has been praying for 6000 years.

My thoughts: A very beautiful representation of the idiots to lovers tag. I want to give both boys a hug and also tell them how stupid they are. I can 100% see this fic happening and I really enjoyed it. 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27836200/chapters/68148130 

What Angels Want (Crowley can hear Aziraphale’s thoughts) 

Author description: Set post-s1. Aziraphale finds a "communication spell" in one of the books in his shop. He decides to try a modified version of it in hopes of finding out if Crowley feels the same way about him. Nothing seems to happen, and Aziraphale assumes the spell is a dud.

Unfortunately, Aziraphale is bad at magic and through the kind of silly logic only fan-fiction can provide, it turns out Crowley can now read all of Aziraphale's thoughts about his favorite demon!

Join these two silly heads in a silly mini-adventure featuring some very un-angelic thoughts and one very scandalized Demon. Please do not take this seriously, this is just for fun and not representative of how I view the canon characters!

My thoughts: If you like dirty talk then this is the fic for you!!! This fic was a lot of fun to read. It gets very dirty but I absolutely loved it. 

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47184475/chapters/118884859 

Again if any author wants their works removed let me know. If any author wants me to read their fic and potentially add it to the list let me know.

[pennypyro]

I posted 16,738 times in 2022

That's 9,891 more posts than 2021!

722 posts created (4%)

16,016 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neverswungonswingingstars

@versaphile

@neil-gaiman

@pennypyro

@simptasia

I tagged 3,270 of my posts in 2022

#legion fx - 356 posts

#wwdits - 103 posts

#lol - 102 posts

#ofmd - 87 posts

#good omens - 84 posts

#long reads - 75 posts

#long post - 73 posts

#sandman - 62 posts

#the sandman - 49 posts

#moon knight - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#apparently someone tried to remove it but the person who added it was like: change it to for wikipedia’s standards instead of removing it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

33 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

#4

Hob Gadling: you’re Dream of the Endless, not Dream of the Friendless

73 notes - Posted May 31, 2022

#3

92 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

#2

100 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Crowley and Aziraphale praying

333 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thatnerdyqueer]

"We'll win, of course," he said.

"You don't want that," said the demon.

"Why not, pray?"

"Listen,"said Crowley desperately, "how many musicians do you think your side have got, eh? First grade, I mean."

Aziraphale looked taken aback.

"Well, I should think—" he began.

"Two," said Crowley. "Elgar and Liszt. That's all. We've got the rest. Beethoven, Brahms, all the Bachs, Mozart, the lot. Can you imagine eternity with Elgar?"

Aziraphale shut his eyes. "All too easily," he groaned.

Lmao an eternity with elgar? shoot me. Crowley is 100% right. hell any day thanks

Also, wHy iS LisZt iN hEaVeN? dO yOu KnOw ThE aMoUnT oF pAiN tHaT mAn CaUsEs tO PiANisTs aRoUnD tHe WorLd???? Not to mention a wHoLe liszt (get it) of supposedly 'sinful' things he did that should have gotten him kicked out of heaven. Smoking, drinking, cheating, etc etc

Also also, I'm surprised Crowley didn't mention paganni, given he was famous for the rumour about how he sold his soul to the devil in order to be more virtuosic at the violin.

[ineffable-rohese]

This is amazing analysis.

It gets to one of the things that I feel like fandom frequently forgets as folks apply their experience with Christianity to the GO universe.

In Good Omens, we know 100% for sure that Hell is real. The threat of a human soul going to Hell is real, and with eternity involved, no matter how shitty your life on earth is, an eternity in Hell is going to be exponentially shittier.

Which is to say that, at the end of the day, Aziraphale's caring for Elspeth's soul over her living conditions is, in fact, a morally correct stance. (The argument that poverty gives a soul more opportunities to prove goodness is still extremely flawed.)

If he saves her from poverty for, what, 50 years? Maybe 70? Great, but if she's still condemned to be tortured in hell for all eternity, those years are of little consequence.

If Hell were not real, or were only a possibility (as in our world), then focusing on her material conditions makes sense and is a more moral stance.

But Hell is real and Aziraphale is trying to save her from the greatest threat.

I have a lot of sympathy for True Believers. I had an aunt who was a deeply devout evangelical. She was a deeply loving, kind person, and she lived her beliefs as best as she possibly could. I know she prayed for my soul a lot, especially once I went and got gay married, though she would never say so to my face and was always polite to my spouse. She truly believed that her beloved niece was on the path to Hell and she was trying to save me. I wish she would have realized that my love wasn't a sin that a loving God would condemn someone to everlasting torture for, but I'd never begrudge her those prayers. Because if you truly believe in Hell, then saving people from it is the most loving thing you can do, and I wasn't going to change her mind any more than she was going to change mine.

Do you ever really think about what happened in The Resurrectionists?

Aziraphale spent that entire time trying to save Elspeth's soul from being damned to Hell.

Every questionable choice he made was done so because he was trying to help Elspeth and also trying to find new ways to decrease human suffering.

He was working really fucking hard to do his job, but he made mistakes along the way because he is constantly struggling with the knowledge that the rules become a lot more convoluted as life becomes more complicated.

Digging up bodies is wrong, but Elspeth was poor and acting in desperation to take care of herself and Wee Morag so they wouldn't have to continue living on the streets.

He is the one who encouraged her to dig up another body because he realized that Mister Dalrymple was trying to help teach those learning to become doctors so they could do better to decrease human suffering when it was their turn to help others.

He wasn't able to save Wee Morag after she was shot by a grave gun, and watched in dismay as Elspeth sold her body to Mister Dalrymple so she could get off the streets.

And when that didn't work the way she'd hoped, she decided that her life meant nothing anymore and decided she was better off dead.

Aziraphale had been spending that entire minisode trying to save Elspeth's soul from Hell, but he ultimately realizes that he made things worse even though he was trying so hard to do the right thing.

Heaven didn't care that he failed. Heaven has already said "we're the good guys, we're just not doing anything to stop the bad guys". Aziraphale was doing the job given to him by God. He made a mistake, but he thought he was doing the right thing because he cares about human souls. He still wants to protect humanity from Hell. That's literally his job.

Crowley saw someone digging up a body in the graveyard and immediately realized he didn't need to do anything.

Instead he watches.

He listens to Elspeth and finds it easier to sympathize with her plight because he's in the same boat in many ways. It doesn't matter what he does because he won't be able to climb his way out of Hell.

He listens to Aziraphale and he challenges the angel when he disagrees with some of the things he's saying.

He doesn't interfere with Elspeth or Aziraphale though.

The discussion that he and Aziraphale have with Mister Dalrymple teaches Crowley something just as much as it teaches Aziraphale.

Before he learns the reason that Mister Dalrymple cuts open dead bodies in the first place, he's cheering to the idea of more murder.

That tumor that Aziraphale hugs to his chest is just as much of a learning moment for Crowley. He hadn't considered why someone might have a good reason to cut up dead bodies, but Crowley and Aziraphale both love children and they both just learned that a child died with a tumor inside of him.

Crowley didn't realize anymore than Aziraphale did just how much danger Wee Morag and Elspeth were in from digging up bodies of rich people.

It was when Crowley saw that Elspeth was about to kill herself that he realized he could no longer sit back and do nothing.

As a demon, it should have been easier for Crowley to accept that Hell was winning another soul, but the truth is that the entire time Aziraphale was working so hard to save Elspeth's soul, Crowley was able to act as a spectator because she was already headed down the path towards Hell.

Crowley had just watched Aziraphale work so hard to save this human soul, this soul who had just lost the woman she loved who was wanting to end her own life so she could see Wee Morag again, and he realized he couldn't sit back and watch anymore. He knew Elspeth wouldn't see Wee Morag again if she killed herself because Hell cares just as little about how complicated human life is as Heaven does.

He used Aziraphale's money to bribe Elspeth into being properly good so she could go to Heaven. He saved her knowing that he was offering the win to Heaven just so she could see Wee Morag again.

It's important to remember that neither Heaven nor Hell give a single solitary fuck about humanity or the complications that arise as life becomes more problematic. Humanity exists within all shades of grey.

Heaven does nothing to stop Hell. Hell spends eternity torturing humans and other demons. Neither side is good. Neither side is ideal.

And in the end, Crowley did what he did because Aziraphale was doing the right thing by trying to save Elspeth's soul from eternal torment, something she doesn't deserve because she was simply trying to survive in a system that has always put poor people at a disadvantage. Aziraphale learned this too. He learned that there is no inherent virtue behind poverty.

To shades of grey.

[fandomsmeantheworldtome]

Tagged by the amazing @itisa-profoundbond-sarandom to

pick 10 ships without reading the questions.

I have more than 10 ships to list lol 😂 but i will pick some of my all time favorites and i will add some new

1. Aziraphale/ Crowley (Good Omens)

2. Edward Nygma / Oswald Cobblepot ( Gotham)

3. Dean Winchester / Castiel ( Supernatural)

4. Villanelle/ Eve ( Killing Eve)

5. Merlin / Arthur ( BBC Merlin)

6. Will Graham / Hannibal Lecter ( Hannibal tv series)

7. Barry Allen / Iris West ( The Flash)

8. Ray Palmer / Nora Darhk ( Legends of Tomorrow)

9. Ava Sharpe / Sara Lance ( Legends of Tomorrow )

10. Yennefer / Geralt ( The Witcher )

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I don't remember exactly from which episode but there was a scene where Hannibal got really close to Will and started to smell him 😄 this was really intense

2. Have you ever read a FanFiction about 2?

More than 100 i think 😂 is one of these ships i have read the most fanfics

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr?

Yes and i have a sideblog about Killing Eve @lovemesomevillanelle too many fandoms to have them all in one blog 😄

4. If 7 were to suddenly break-up today, what would your reaction be?

You hit a sensitive spot here , i consider myself new to the Flash fandom its only a few months since i discovered this show but i noticed that there are a lot haters of this ship and some fans even made recist comments about Iris and the actress who plays her, i would be devastated if these two break up because they are perfect for each other and i will forever support their relationship @sweetbarryallen is my flash sideblog

5. Why is 1 so important?

Its been a year since Good Omens series came in our lifes well the book is much older but the series had such a huge success, i still can't get over these two lovable idiots who love each other since the beginning of time this ship gives me hope and warms my heart with all kinds of feelings

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both? these two amazing women are made for each other and i totally enjoy their serious and funny moments the same amount

7. Out of all of the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

I guess the success of a ship and the reason a duo or a couple is shipped from the fans has to do with the chemistry the actors bring to the screen but there were a lot of cases where fanfiction writers created such a great stories for the readers to make them ship even characters who had limited interaction on the screen and that's the power of imagination, to me all the ships have chemistry

8. Out of all of your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

I would say Ineffable husbands because the know each other since forever , who can beat that ?😂

9. How many times have you read/watched 8’s fandom?

DC's Legends of Tomorrow is a new show for me i managed to watch all Seasons till 4th as i write this in almost a month , before i reached S3 where Nora makes her appearance i had seen/ read some spoilers that she and Ray would end up together, Ray Palmer is my most favourite character from lot and when i found out about this ship i was so happy because he deserves all the love and so does Nora Darhk. Nora is such a great written character her development to the show is one of the best. You can guess my reaction when i also found out that the actors who play these characters are married in real life , this ship is everything and to answer this question i have searched about this ship too many times to count but i wish there were more fan videos of DarhkAtom on the internet

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I think Aziraphale and Crowley because of the years since the book published and there were fans of this ship even then, second ship who lasted longest is Destiel because of the years Supernatural has on screen

11. How many times, if ever, has 2 broken up?

If you are a Gotham and nygmobblepot fan then you know all about this ship's love and hate relationship , these two crazy idiots almost kill each other but they can't live without each other

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Both? i think Ray Palmer with his atom suit abilities and Nora with her magic have more chances to make out alive though i wouldn't underestimate Ed's and Os's surviving skills in times of danger, they are both so clever and cunning that i am more concerned about zombies well being than the two of them 😂

13. Did 5 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Merlin and Arthur never become canon but to the fans Merlin and Arthur have feelings for each other , they hide their feelings since they know each other i wish this ship was canon on screen

14. Is 4 still together?

Killing Eve season 3 delivered this year the best finale in my opinion of all seasons , Villanelle and Eve have feelings for each other that's canon now and i hope in S4 they will live and work together as a couple

15. Is 3 canon?

Not for the writers still not canon but the fans with me included we hope before the show ends completely the writers stop this torment and give us what Destiel fans are praying for years , our ship to become canon

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

This is hard, i don't know i guess all have their chances to win " may the odds be ever in your favor" lol

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 10’s ship?

Jaskier ? Lol 😂😂😂 truth is that Yennefer is my favourite character from the show the Witcher but Jaskier is also my favourite and i may ship Yennefer with Geralt but since i got to this fandom is hard not to notice the chemistry between Geralt and Jaskier 😄 love both ships the same

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

All i can't pick one

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 1’s tumblr page?

YES 😂

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she´d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

Ahhh this is so hard i can't choose sorry

Tagging some lovely people @penguinsheart , @mishandjen-tellmehow , @vicarious-rebel , @its-all-ineffable , @ramblingsofachristiannerd , @littlehollyleaf , @jawnlockwinchester , @thisplacehaseverything , @littleangel4996 @your-mad-tea-party-blog @itotallygazeatscully, @belle82devart @skatle-skootle-demon-noodle @lesbian-and-useless @quakerlasss, @whitecrawace and everyone who see this post and wants to do this

[humanityinahandbag]

good omens: bagged lunch

This summer I volunteered abroad in Israel, and lost all connection to home, and in that time a certain fandom exploded and I missed the beginnings of it. So here I am now. Sauntering vaguely downward into hell with some ideas of my own.

There’s this little idea for post Good Omens that I just can’t seem to shake, wherein Aziraphale (connoisseur of all things delicious and human that he is) would always feel the need to pack Crowley lunches whenever he was off to meetings in Hell, tutting, “Oh Crowley, I know you don’t feel as if eating is essential, but for my sake, dear, can’t you just try to nibble on a biscuit or two? You’re all sinew and wobble!”

And even if he protests, Aziraphale can usually tempt him with promises to pack boiled eggs and tuna and all sorts of smelly things that would disagree with noses. How ghastly and malicious of him, it would be to bring that into a meeting! The Agreement practically begged for this sort of cooperation, didn’t it?

(And tuna is Crowley’s favorite. Especially when Aziraphale remembers to chop up the little cornichons inside and slice it triangularly.) 

So Crowley, to appease his Angel, dutifully takes the paper bags handed to him before the both of them venture to their respective places of meeting. 

The thing that I can’t make myself quite get over, though?

Aziraphale and Crowley spent so much time swapping notes quietly over duck ponds or trading secrets in three separate rendezvous locations. 

Notes are something the Angel has not only acclimated himself with, but they’re something he enjoys. The dangerous side of him wants to send them in lieu of being a spy. The Angelic side of him wants to be caring. The Best Friend/Something More side wants to pour affections. The human side? 

Well. 

How very human it is to show affection through food and the little notes that such a gesture would also contain!

He always thought it clever when humans sent little messages in lunchboxes! Food and love? At the same time? His heart bursts just thinking about it. 

It’s a custom he’d be quick to adopt. Scribbling little messages on bits of scrap paper and tucking them away next to a small bag of sliced apples. 

What I’m saying here is;

Aziraphale would 100% send Crowley to Hell with a paper bag lunch and a written note. 

And when Crowley is drooping, bored after hour three of a pointless Demon meeting, he’d reach into the little bag as loudly as he could and peel the sandwich out, trying to play it smooth, until the little piece of paper would flutter out unexpectantly into the center. 

Hastur would grab at it while Crowley was mid bite into a wonderfully crunchy cornichon'd tuna on white bread. 

“Dearest,” the demon would read out loud, squinting at the paper. Crowley froze mid-chew. “Enjoy lunch. I remembered to pack it the way you like. You’re ever so wonderful. Don’t forget to voice all those smart ideas of yours at the meeting. Pick up the laundry. And take off your glasses once to give your eyes a break. Remember the last time you strained them? Heart Heart Heart.” Hastur stared at the note and held it up to Crowley, whose glasses were slipping down his nose. “He drew some flowers, too. Do you want to see?” 

Crowley quickly snatched the note away. 

Beelzebub, from down at the head of the long table, blinked languidly. “Right,” they said. “So back to our monthly quotas, then?” 

Later he’d beseech his Angel not to do something like that again. 

“But it’s a human expression of affection,” the Angel protested. “And I don’t see how it ruins your reputation at all, having notes sent down. People pray to the devil all the time. I’m sure his mailbox is brimming.”

“With evil! No one sends him lots of little hearts and flowers.”

Aziraphale would sniff. “Fine,” he’d say. “No more flowers.”

“Thank you.” 

Aziraphale would keep his promise. Next time there was a joke. 

It landed in the center of the table when Crowley dragged out a double dark chocolate cookie. 

Beelzebub was the one who got to it first, that time. 

“Why don’t they play poker in the jungle.” She stood on her chair, reading aloud. Crowley was face first on the table, gently smacking his forehead against a squished bag of deviled eggs. 

Ligur piped up, “why, or Lord of Hell!”

Beelzebub turned the paper over, scanning the lilac ink. “Too many cheetazzzz.” It took a moment for collective recognition to kick in. Once it had, they were all doubled over. “I understand! Word play! How drab! Crowley! Tell your Angel to keep zzzending these!” They flipped over the paper again, unfolding a little corner. “Oh. Sorry. Forgot to read; XOXOXOXO - lots of kisses, darling. Eat your vegetables before the cookie.” She looked down to where Crowley was face down on the table, pillowed by squished eggs. “There are pepperzzzzz in that bag,” they glared. “You did not follow the Angelzzz instructions.”

“Got it,” he groaned. “Will do. Next time.” 

“I am going to tell him,” said Beelzebub. “Ligur. Write a letter to the Principality Azzzziraphale. Send it through Gabriel. Crowley did not eat his vegetablezzz first.”

“I shall, Lord of Hell.” 

Crowley dropped his head to the table. 

It only gets worse from there. Because Aziraphale, who often did a lot of people watching from the flat above his shop, began noticing that doting parents would often drew on the paper bags. 

And wasn’t that to be a whole other story. 

“Look!” A lesser demon held up the bag excitedly. Crowley rubbed his temples. “He drew a picture of them married. Wrote A + C under it and everything!”

“What a gallant gezzzzzture,” said Beelzebub, eyes sparking up new ideas for the Archangel with whom she’d been speaking to for the past few millenium. “Crowley. Pick your head up off the table and gazzzzze upon the mazzzzterpiece your Lover has created for you.” 

“No. Thank you. M’good,” Crowley groaned. 

“As Lord of the Underworld, I command it! Gaze! And be enthralled!” 

The only way the entire situation gets any better, is when Crowley begins to pack lunches for Aziraphale. 

Angels, who are attracted to Love like moths to a windshielf wiper, would likely stop an entire meeting just to dote and fawn upon the notes Crowley would send Aziraphale’s way. 

“He’s doing this to be spiteful.” True enough. He was. Aziraphale trapped his face between his fingers. “Don’t indulge!” 

“Oh, but Principality! He has drawn the most delightful series of hearts upon this paper!” Michael stroked the little bit of torn off notebook paper. “And he has even written you a poem! Shall I read it?”

“No!” 

They read it anyway. 

Crowley does more than that. 

Sometimes, when he’s feeling particularly devilish (or Aziraphale cut him off of wine the night before and how fucking dare he do that - he’ll get his revenge) he’ll send more... risque notes.  

With illustrations. 

Both of which an angel will find when they lunge for the lunch bag emanating love. 

“Principality,” Urial with announce, voice like thunder and wind chimes and vengeance and hope all at once, holding the torn paper up like a flaming sword. “It is foretold by this message that your Demon would like to...” she’d squint at the note, nodding. “flip you like a crepe and smash you to next Armageddon.” 

Aziraphale was quietly asking God to smite him. 

“Principality,” says Michael, sitting primly at the table. “We should reply.” 

There was a nod and murmuring appreciation round the table. 

“Ah,” said Aziraphale, quietly, clearing his very dry throat. “I think we’d better not.”

“Nonsense! This note radiates affection. Love! He is a demon who yearns for your forgiveness and heavenly warmth. It is your duty to reply, Aziraphale!”

The next half hour is spent crafting a good note back while Aziraphale begs God to please, if he asks really, really nicely, can’t she just smite him a little? 

“Sir!” Urial jumps up triumphantly. “I have found a website on my mobile telephone! It is called urban dictionary!”

“Splendid! What’s it do?”

“It apparently helps craft love letters for Demons! It suggests we write back that Principality Aziraphale would find great joy in seeing Dat Ass in some apple bottomed jeans, sir. And that he’d very much like to bang him like a tamborine, sir.” 

“Poetry!” Exclaims Gabriel. “Someone get a pen!” 

Aziraphale decides that if God won’t smite him, he may have to smite Crowley when he got home. 

[wanna-b-poet31]

An (I should really retitle this series) 4-part Good Omens Meta Part 5: An Angel in Recovery

~~~Hey, look at me back at it again talking about abuse in Good Omens~~~

So like real talk, I could write a whole damn book on just trauma studies with Aziraphale and Crowley. Like no joke, I’m drafting my dissertation on disability and trauma. Expect at least 2 more parts of this multi-layered Meta because I have all the thoughts.  #sorrynotsorry for how long this one is. 

An Overview of Recovery

One of the things I just can’t get over is the ways in which Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship enable each other down the path of recovery from their respective abuse

I’ve been throwing around the word “recovery” pretty freely in my other installments. So, before dissecting their relationship, we need to know: what exactly DOES a recovery from an abusive environment actually look like? 

Generally speaking (and I mean like really, really generally), trauma recovery has 3 goals: 

establishment of safety, 

remembrance or mourning of abuse, 

the reinstitution of self/ sense of individual normalcy    

It’s important to note that most recovery paths are non-linear and deeply personal. Meaning, no two paths are the same not even if they’ve undergone similar trauma or trauma from the same source/event. Some practitioners will cite as many as 10 steps, while others still say recovery is reached when the survivor shift from a place of unpredictable abuse/trauma to a place of safety   >SOURCE <.  

Aziraphale’s Recovery Needs

Throughout the series, Aziraphale is constantly threatened, subject to unsafe work/family dynamics, and forced to endure emotional abuse.  Heaven’s stakes are unconscionably high, unfairly looming over the angel’s head. He constantly has to deal with the threat of falling, coupled with the constant belittling, and dismissive nature of the other Angels. His environment makes it hard for Aziraphale to recognize that Heaven is abusive. It doesn’t help that his primary coping skill is denial and repression. As long as he can’t recognize the problem, he simply can’t address the underlining issues causing his problems.  

Consequently, he doesn’t acknowledge that Heaven isn’t the perfect, righteous power he thinks it is. Heaven isn’t safe. It’s violent, unforgiving, and more than willing to drop him like a rock. There is no security if something as small as asking questions, or loving Humanity (his job) is grounds for falling or permanent death. Yet, this is the place he idolizes, above even his lover best friend. 

He can’t even consult other Angels to form his own sense of security in Heaven. None of the relationships we see (excepting Crowley) offer him solace, comfort or anything but abuse. If we include his human alliance with Shadwell, there’s another layer of homophobic abuse piling on his emotional abuse and physical intimidation.   

To heal, Aziraphale’s recovery journey has five distinct stages: self-identification of his abuse, securing a safe space, confronting his abusers, cultivating a healthy relationship (with Crowley), and embracing his sense of self.  

Abuse By Any Other Name

Aziraphale needs to come to terms with the trauma inflicted upon him by Heaven. And this isn’t to say he doesn’t notice that Gabriel is cruel to him, or that Sandalphon is about .25 seconds away from smiting everything and that’s dangerous, but he denies that these behaviors are inherent problems.  Their behaviors, particularly toward him, his interests, and his loves are not respected, but he still treats them like unquestionable authorities.  Admitting that there is a problem in the power dynamic, or at the very least the terms and conditions of Heaven are unjust, is the first thing Aziraphale needs to do to begin recovering from his toxic environment and toxic relationships.

Now, we do see Aziraphale push against his system of abuse, he lies to God for one thing, and maintains a relationship/agreement with Crowley for another. But his rebellions still regards Heaven above all other relationships. It is still where he claims his loyalties lay. Until he can admit that Heaven does not have his best interest at heart, he can’t undo their damage. 

I argue that the first step in Aziraphale’s recovery is when he admits that he has a problem with the end of the world. It’s not a full admission of Heaven’s fault, but it is an admission that when he does not feel comfortable with Heaven’s actions he should and CAN intervene. Before, with Noah and Jesus, he watched, even though he objected and was horrified by the actions against innocence. We see this again when he seems visibly upset with “all the smiting” that Sandalphon does at Sodom and Gamorah. Despite his misgivings, he doesn’t intervene (at least not on-screen). Look at the below gif. He’s clearly pained by God’s decision, but he bites his tongue. It’s not that he doesn’t want to question, it’s that he can not question. He must soldier on. 

We can see that when Gabriel brings up the possibility of “something big is coming”, he is visibly perturbed. Then, once Crowley tells him about the coming of the Anti-Christ. He recognizes that his love for humanity and his life on Earth is a tipping point that he’s unwilling to give up.  But, he still does it by operating within the framework of Heaven. 

The next crack happens when Aziraphale realizes Heaven is unsupportive of his efforts to save Heaven. His face visibly falls when Michael says they’ll forgive him for is an inevitable failure. He’s also upset by Gabriel who does give him encouragement, but in a tone that is clear, he thinks Aziraphale’s efforts are fruitless.  Heaven makes it clear that war is more important than love for God’s creatures.

Then Aziraphale goes to Heaven, wielding information about the Anti-Christ. He knows where Adam is, he knows the beast is released, and he knows that Armageddon is days, if not hours, away.  Yet, he falters. He’s all anxiety and nerves when he’s forced to talk to his so-called “side”, in a way he’s never like with Crowley. But this scene’s pièce de résistance is his choice to lie about the location of Adam. After first mentioning Crowley and all his wiles, he suddenly becomes uneasy. Gabriel asks “where” and Aziraphale recognizes that no one in the room cares about protecting humanity. Now, instead of the end of the world being his biggest problem, Angels (not yet Heaven) are.  This is further supported by their intimidation of him after the break-up on the bandstand. 

While this scene is certainly progress towards naming his problem, he’s not all the way there yet. He meets with Crowley, and Crowley scares him because he’s not ready to admit Heaven is intrinsically abusive the same way Crowley is. He still believes that Heaven, and the angels, are on his side, that they’re doing right. He’s mortified about the very realy possibility that if he chooses Crowley, he’ll lose his divinity. His later scene summoning Metatron shows that he believes so badly that if he can only get ahold of God, everything will be sorted. But, it isn’t.  

It is only when he recognizes “hello god, it’s me Aziraphale” won’t get him shit, that HEAVEN is his problem. Not Crowley, not angels, not Hell, but Heaven is his abusive parent and he needs to pick which side he wants to be on.  

So he chooses Crowley. 

Sanctum Sanctorum

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 100 times. Heaven is an empty, cold, and unloving place. There is no joy in its walls. There is no love for the Angels who dare enter. It’s a place where the Archangel Fucking Gabriel is willing to burn his “traitor” in a fire without a trial. In short, it’s unsafe. Aziraphale is, at the very least, unsafe their. Unsafe from judgmental eyes, unsafe from intimidation, and physically separated from the rest of the angels during every meeting. 

Soho, in contrast, is very different. It’s very clear that Aziraphale’s shop is warm and alive with love. It’s where Aziraphale eats, prays, loves, and lives. He knows, even before he can name his problem, that Heaven isn’t home. So he creates one, a little oasis where he can invite Crowley for drinks, he can maintain his ever-growing book collection, and center himself. 

He is safe here, on Earth, because it’s of his own choice. Agency (or the ability to make choices) is crucial for coping with trauma. It empowers survivors to maintain their recovery and help give them back control over their lives. In Heaven, Aziraphale has no agency. There is no food for him to taste, no lover best friend to go on dinner dates with, no books to quench his thirst for knowledge.  In his bookshop though? He has all the freedom to be as hard or soft as he pleases, read whatever he pleases, eat or drink whatever he pleases, and love whomever he pleases, without fear of discipline.

It’s VERY important to note that 1 solitary character respects his sanctuary -- Crowley. Gabriel and Sandalphon barge in unannounced frequently, belittle his work and expect him to drop everything at a moment’s notice. Shadwell breaks and enters, calls him homophobic slurs and “kills” him. Sure Crowley miracles the locks open unannounced, but it’s only when the shop’s on fire and damn it Crowley has an Angel to save.  

Every other character, except Crowley, belittles Aziraphale’s love of books and food, and warmth. Where other characters barge into his home uninvited, Crowley always asks express permission (minus when he’s being an action hero) to enter Aziraphale’s inter-most place of safety. Unlike everyone else, Crowley respects and loves Aziraphale enough to help him maintain a place of safety from the abuses of Trust they both find in Heaven. 

The One Where Gabriel’s a Dick And Aziraphale Says FUCK YOU to Hell

Aziraphale realizes that the line between Heaven and Hell’s abuse is a fucking thin one. They team up to actively destroy the two things he loves and has been gaslighting, attacking, or traumatizing him to do it. As a way to start coping with the tremendous loss and trauma inherent in Armageddon't he comes to terms with his abusers. 

There are three distinct moments where he does this. First is to Shadwell. The idiot of a man is constantly berating him, a presumed ally, with homophobic slurs. While ultimately a small moment, it’s one that Aziraphale desperately needs to confront if he has any hope of confronting his other abusers. When Aziraphale faces Shadwell, he does it with so much style. Not just does he reclaim the homophobic slur, but he also puts Shadwell in his place for using it in the first place. Honestly, Michael Sheen and Miranda Richardson deserve Awards for their performance here. 

The second biggie is when he stands up to (the bastard archangel) Gabriel.  Although I don’t doubt Aziraphale could cut someone with his flaming sword, his most powerful weapon is his words. He defends Adam’s choice to not destroy the world and confronts Gabriel’s use of the “great plan” vs. the ineffable one. Aziraphale knows that poking at Heaven’s excuse for destroying humanity won’t hold up. There is no rationale for waging war except “to see whose gang’s the best”. Speaking up like that, against a director of war, is ballsy, but Aziraphale does not care. He needs to confront the horrendous way Gabriel/Heaven has treated him, humanity, and Crowley. 

And who supports him through this cathartic moment? Crowley. With a single glance, Crowley interjects and comes through, supporting Aziraphale’s (actually really clever) plan to protect Adam and the world. Crowley realizes Heaven and Hell don’t actually know what they’re doing, and that Aziraphale has them dead to right. Stepping closer to Aziraphale, protectively behind Adam, he pushes until Heaven and Hell are forced to admit defeat. 

It’s a beautiful confrontation. A perfect Fuckkkkk you to 2 abusive entities. 

The third distinct moment is the switch. While Hell specifically hasn’t actually targetted Aziraphale, they have done something worse. Attacked his support system. So, Aziraphale returns in kind, confronting his partner’s abusers head on. And look at the absolute GLEE he takes in showing off how indestructible to Holy Water his partner is. He’s making a performance of daring all of Hell to come after them, terrorizing them like they terrorized Crowley and him.

It’s also him coming to terms with the fact that yes, it’s him and Crowley against the (divine) World. The switch is so significant for so many reasons, but the primary one is that it allows Aziraphale the ability to face his biggest fear -- Hell -- and not flinch. The Threat of falling (like from Uriel/Michael/Sandalphon) and going to Hell terrifies our loveable bastard angel. He knew that he was disposable to Heaven, but he’s indisposable to Crowley. This confrontation allows him to come to terms with the unhealthy power dynamic of Heaven and begin the rest of his life with Crowley as equals. He’s not fully recovered (recovery is a process, not a finish line) but he’s faced all of his abusers.   

Our Own side

His relationship with Crowley is the only damn thing that Aziraphale can always rely on. Heaven’s love is conditional. Humans live short lives compared to Azi’s immortality. And Hell wants him dead simply because he’s an Angel.

But Crowley? Dammit. Crowley will run into a burning building to save him. He’ll run into a church to save him, and then save his books because Crowley knows Aziraphale would forget. He’ll race to France DURING A REVOLUTION, to a PRISON to rescue Aziraphale. He’s Aziraphale’s constant companion, and really the only support he can always trust. 

Crowley is the one to pull Aziraphale out of his abusive environment, enable him to act in the face of injustice, and support him as he faces down his abusers.  He also respects the angel’s boundaries consistently, and while he’s been accused of going too fast, he’s patient, never pressuring Aziraphale to do something he’s truly uncomfortable doing. Normally, it’s already something Aziraphale wants to do, but can’t rationalize a reason to do it that would allow him to disobey Heaven. All the way up until shit hits the fan does Crowley refrain from making Aziraphale uncomfortable, and even at the breakup scene, Crowley forces it because he knows Aziraphale has to make a choice. Him or Heaven. 

But, it’s Aziraphale choice and Crowley REFUSES to make it for him.  

Heaven never consults Aziraphale on policy decisions, never initiates open communicates with Aziraphale, and certainly never treats Aziraphale as an equal. Crowley does. Crowley could easily have forced Aziraphale into his car and flew to Alpha Centurai. He could have forced Aziraphale to go with him in the bandstand. He could have forced Aziraphale to do any number of things without his consent, but he chooses not to. He chooses to be the honest entity Aziraphale needs in his life. He chooses Aziraphale, just as Aziraphale chooses him.

Even when they’re arguing, they share strong conflict resolution skills. Either they choose to talk it out unit they reach an understanding or, Crowley gets some fresh air, before consulting Aziraphale again. There is one moment when Crowley calls him stupid with any real bite to it, and it’s because Aziraphale, who is so close to admitting he has a problem, and that problem is Heaven, can’t make the last leap. Crowley, for the only time in the series, really insults Aziraphale because he needs one last ditch effort to take off the blinders, preventing Aziraphale from recognizing his trauma.  

And after that? When Crowley is heartbroken and rejected for the second time? He still goes looking for Aziraphale. Unwilling to let anything damage the integrity of their relationship.  

Crowley’s acts of kindness and love allow Aziraphale to finally recognize his past was unhealthy. But more than that, Crowley fulfills all the criteria needed for a healthy relationship according to The National Domestic Abuse Hotline. 

And A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square

So What does this all mean? Where are we left at the end of the series? In a pretty good place actually.  I said the final step was establishing a sense of self. Where was he before the abuse started? Or, if that’s impossible to know (given our data) What does he want his new normal to be? 

A life with Crowley.

It’s clear that when Crowley invites him to stay at his place (if Aziraphale likes) the night of Armageddon’t, Aziraphale does because they both deserve. There’s a slight smile when Crowley offers, and like in 1941, the romantic music swells. Only half-heartedly does Aziraphale say his side wouldn’t like it, but both of them know they’re on each other’s side. Not Heaven. Not Hell. Just them.  

Quite simply, he’s already told us what he wants moving forward. He wants to be with Crowley, perhaps one day the could go for a picnic, or dine at the Ritz, but always together.  So, he does. 

Recovery is not a destination, it’s a process. Thanks to Aziraphale’s healthy support system that is Crowley, he is able to start his recovery journey and end the series in a much healthier place than it started.  Aziraphale is not “cured” by the end of the novel, but he is coping, and he is recovering. So long as Crowley’s by his side, he’s well on his way to healthy coping mechanisms, and living in a safe, loving environment with a partner who loves and respects him. 

TLDR:  Aziraphale is recovering from 6000 years of abuse and trauma. Crowley loves, supports, and helps heal him on his journey. 

For More on this Series:

In Part 1 I wrote about how Heaven is hella abusive towards Aziraphale, but Crowley’s love facilitates his recovery

In Part 2 I wrote about how traumatized Crowley is, but thanks to Aziraphale’s love which facilitates Crowley’s recovery

Part 3 is the one where Aziraphale Has some Dubious Coping Skills

Part 4 looks at Anthony J. Crowley’s Poor Coping Skills+ the One Surprisingly Healthy One

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk