#it’s like people forget why fanfiction actually exists

[lucy-verse]

It never fails to amuse me when gatekeepers go, “But they would never do that in canon!”

Bold of you to assume I give a flying fuck.

[alurite-l]

Something I've noticed is that no matter what fandom or community we are in—black people will always always have to make a safe space for ourselves. Every single fandom I was in there were always black people being treated badly by white people and nonblacks and everytime we spoke on it we are told that we are either making it up or causing problems/discourse.

Even in the LGBTQ+ community where niggas preach about being sooo accepting we have to make *our own flags and spaces because we get talked over and forgotten so damn much. You look up queer related stuff and white people show up first (try the trans selfie tag or look up androgynous stuff on pinterest.) You look up queer shows and it's only white people with a black side character or a white person x a black person like we can't exist on our own. White queers calling black people cops for being uncomfortable with certain labels.

Even with fictional black characters they get the same treatment. Marina from Splatoon 2 and Hobie Brown from Spiderman both are victims of nonblack people hypersexualizing them and masculinizing them. Xinyan from Genshin Impact is a complete and utter stereotype of black people—being seen as aggressive and mean and a literal theft. Don't get me started on how yall whitewash the fuck outta them. It's either sexualize them, whitewash them or forget about them completely.

For some reason white people are seen as more aesthetically pleasing compared to Black people and when we look up aesthetics we literally have to type in "black person x aesthetic" or afro punk or afro goth despite us being the creators of some of these aesthetics. Same with cosplaying, white peoples cosplays are seen as more "canon" compared to black people or even people who's race is literally the character being cosplayed.

Fanfiction writers constantly cater to white people despite trying to market their stuff as "inclusive" while black people get shitted on for making character x black reader fics and don't you know weird ass white people still read them??

Yall tell us to make our own things instead of "complaining" about it and we do, then we get hit with death threats and hate. We make our black edits and get told that it's "blackwashing" and the artists get called the n word, we make black movies and our actors get death threats. We make our own original black art with our black OC'S and get told that we're being selfish and "racist" for not drawing other people. We literally cannot exist without you people hating on us and unnecessarily critiquing us.

[Note: If you nonblack or white niggas come up here and being like "well acschually op🤓☝🏾" I will actually hurt you. If you ask "why is this in the x tag" I will hurt you as well. You try n derail and make it about a different race I'm hurting you.]

[slackerlifewhere]

Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo

After I posted yesterday, I saw an opinion that I kind of agree with about the difference between Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo.

I'm gonna say my opinion without trying to offend the whole fandom. Again, you can read fics about OG Cale as MC. I will not stop you just because I have my own opinion. You are free to read whatever you want. If you don't agree with this, it's fine and if you do, don't antagonize or attack the fanfiction authors who made these fics. Let them do their own thing, okay?

This post is not a rant but me sharing my own thoughts and opinions about this topic.

To make this easier, I'll call OG Cale as Cale and OG KRS as KRS.

[✋SPOILERS for the first part of the novel✋]

Some say that Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo are the same person. While I don't know if this is true because I haven't read the second part of the novel yet, in my opinion, they are not the same.

Again, I repeat, I like Cale Henituse. He's very intelligent and kind to Basen to the point of destroying his own reputation, he targets thugs and scammers whenever he's "drunk", he's willing to sacrifice his whole identity in order to save his world after surviving for twenty years by himself. He's a complex character and in another world, if given the chance, he would've been a great MC.

But that's the thing, he is not the MC of TCF, Kim Rok Soo is. And I think some fans forget the reason why Kim Rok Soo became the MC and not Cale Henituse. Because in some fics that I see whenever I scroll down to look for something to read, Cale completely replaces KRS' presence in the story, to the point that he doesn't exist anymore.

Let me explain.

Kim Rok Soo

Kim Rok Soo is a very integral part of the story. You can't easily replace him with another person, normal or otherwise, and expect the story to go the same way it did in the novel. He did things his way because he's a chaotic little shit. He's a different person from Cale, no matter how many or few similarities they both have.

It's not because he's simply smart or OP (as some would say) that he won a war that ended in only two years, but it's also because of his past and the bonds he made as himself.

He's a person full of empathy for these people that he meets wherever he goes, regardless whether he knows them from a book or not, because he understands them and their pain. He does not hide his personality and in a way, his charisma attracts these people who see him for who he is, a kind person.

Kim Rok Soo is different because he survived in an apocalypse by himself until he meets Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo. Plus, he did not have a great childhood. He was abused and lived by himself for the rest of his childhood and teenage years because of a curse (or maybe because his uncle is just a shitty person, who knows).

The opinions he has and the way he thinks are shaped by his own experiences. He is the Kim Rok Soo we see in the novel because he grew up under these circumstances.

To say that he's easily replaceable would be too disrespectful to the sacrifices he made as both Kim Rok Soo and Cale Henituse.

Cale Henituse

Cale, on the other hand, is different. He lived alone for how many years because he deliberately pushed everyone away because of his grief and after what Jour told him. It's not because of a curse that he became this way but because he chose to.

Yes, everyone he knows should've tried to make an effort by comforting him or talking with him (his family, the nobles he's close to, Ron and Beacrox) but that did not happen because he's the one who chose to live like this. I've mentioned it in my post about Deruth but if a person doesn't want comfort or doesn't want to talk, they will not talk, especially someone as stubborn as Cale. To blame all these people (including the kids) and the rest of the world because of his own choice is simply not right or fair since the only one responsible to actually help him is Deruth. Violan is not given this chance nor did she try as his stepmother but it all comes down to Deruth. But of course, he did not get any help nor did he seek any.

He lived his years shrouded in grief until the very end. He's a kind person but unfortunately, life is not kind to him.

Later, he survives in the war until the White Star kills him. What did he choose to do in the end when he made that deal with the God of Death? To return to the past so he can save everyone? No. Instead, he chose to go to KRS' world to find his mother. If CJS were given the chance to decline a proposal, why didn't Cale? He could've said he'll do it himself but instead, he left it to KRS. We all know he's stubborn enough to ruin his reputation, is he not stubborn enough to make a deal to save his world as himself?

You can argue it's maybe because the God of Death didn't give him the chance to argue with it but there are other ways the god could've sent KRS to this world. Like Choi Han or Choi Jung Soo.

Choi Jung Soo

Choi Jung Soo is a prime example of what could've and couldn't have happened if he agreed with the God of Death's proposal. He is not KRS. He has his own opinions and experiences that make him unique. He is not like Choi Han who drowned in his despair in TBoaH but instead, is a man who wants to survive with his friends (brothers) and smile with them despite the pain he suffers in.

If he were to replace KRS, the story would've gone differently. He might find Choi Han and they would do their best to survive in this new world together. He may or may not find Raon and the kittens, depending on the time and location when he arrives in this world. Alberu may or may not completely trust him like how he didn't completely trust Choi Han in TBoaH because unlike KRS who is too similar with Alberu, CJS is different. He might not look for the ancient powers since he has his own ability, leaving some that the White Star could've taken like the Sky Eating Water and Super Rock. In fact, the shield could've been left at the tree unless CJS knows about it and takes it. (Let me remind you that no one in this world knows there's an ancient power in that tree in the Henituse territory.)

I can list down things he could've or couldn't have done but it might be too long.

But my point is, it could've been Cale, Alberu, or Choi Han who were sent to the past but the story would've gone differently because these people are all different in their own ways. Heck, if the God of Death truly wants to save this world, he could've sent back Choi Han or Alberu instead of Cale. Because these two are also powerful in their own ways that do not need the help of ancient powers. Just give them enough information and they could've ended the war faster than twenty years.

Conclusion

So, yeah. Kim Rok Soo became the main character for several reasons. He was an ability user and team leader back in his world, he has the curse attached to him because of the White Star, he was an abused kid who had a sad childhood.

And I think there are other reasons why, if KRS is not the MC, that the story could've ended differently. Put aside Raon who is powerful and has a connection to Sheritt and the Dragon Slayers and would be integral to the story, On and Hong could've died with no one knowing about them because they were barely mentioned in the books. Mary could've stayed in the City of Life because no one would need her to help Ron. Hannah and Jack could've died because no one would've known that they were killed. Paseton has a chance to live but no one knows where he is.

Some characters would live and some would die if Kim Rok Soo is not the main character. That's basically what I think about all of this.

The reason why they survived, aside from the books, is because Kim Rok Soo's heart is so big that he wants to help people or give them the chance to survive. Some people would ignore or not notice these people because they have their own problems to deal with.

But Kim Rok Soo just wants to live. And I think that's why the story went the way it did.

Kim Rok Soo, the man who became Cale. His life motto was pretty simple.

Living long without pain. Enjoying the small joys of life.

Living a peaceful life.

- Chapter 2: When I Opened My Eyes

Again, I'm not stopping you from reading these fics nor am I telling you to attack fanfic authors because of what they write. This whole post is just me sharing my opinion.

You don't have to agree with anything I said. You can ignore this and read whatever you want to read.

This is not a post undermining or disrespecting what Cale sacrificed and felt as a person. This is a post to share my opinion that Cale and Kim Rok Soo both deserve the respect that they should get for everything they did and to not completely erase a character for the other. But if someone does it, then I can't do anything about it.

As a Mob Psycho 100 fan, I will end this with one line that perfectly summarizes what I think about this topic.

Your life is your own.

[k-s-morgan]

I in no way mean to be disrespectful, I hope you and your family are doing well and I’m so sorry for the recent attacks. I’m just ignorant and want to know what would happen if Ukraine surrendered to Russia?

I hope you are safe from bombing and air raids 🙏🙏

Hi! Thank you <3 And don't worry, that's a good question.

What I'm 100% sure would happen in case of Ukraine's surrender, even under the most optimistic scenario:

We'd have to give up the entire country, not just a part of it. Russia always comes back for more. It's been following the same pattern with different countries forever. With Ukraine, it got a pretty decent chunk back in 2014. That land continued to belong to Ukraine on paper only - in reality, it was fully under Russian control, and no one really fought for it any longer. Was Russia satisfied with it? No. It kept preparing and then attacked to overtake even more land. It will never have enough, so to give up now means to acknowledge that the entire Ukraine will cease to exist as a country, whether right away or after Russia starts another war against us.

Ukrainian language, culture, and heritage would be destroyed completely in the coming years. Our history - and the history of the world children are taught - will be re-written. There is a reason why the majority of countries that were a part of USSR speak primarily Russian. Russia keeps carefully erasing other languages and culture, it's been doing it for ages. It's doing it right now on the occupied territories.

Pro-Ukrainian activists and people of note would be persecuted, kidnapped, tortured, and killed. This is also a pattern, it happens everywhere Russia invades. I know many examples personally.

We'd be gradually cut off of the outside world. Like, Russia has banned major fanfiction sites; it's trying to block YouTube and other platforms. The transformation into a semblance of North Korea would be inevitable.

Ukrainians would be treated as third-rate non-humans on their own territory. Again, it's been happening everywhere Russia barges into.

Ukraine would be used as a military base to attack other countries, and Ukrainians would be forced to become Russian soldiers.

As for the rest, it could go in several ways. Maybe Russia would want to show how 'amazing' it is, so it'd turn Kyiv into a second Moscow, creating different well-paid positions and opportunities to suck up to Kyiv residents and to prove its hypocritical benevolence.

On the other hand, it could just as well turn the entire country into a concentration and extermination camp. Russia has been torturing, raping, degrading, and murdering our people everywhere. Stealing their homes, kidnapping children, etc. and etc. I have a huge number of friends, people I know, or their friends who shared their stories, and each of them has been absolutely horrific.

My Mom's colleague, for example, used to live near Bachmut. When Russians came in, they immediately began to hunt down anyone related to the police and the military and killing them or actually demanding ransom for them. They kidnapped this colleague's friends, a married couple, kept them in a dog's kennel, pissed on them, beat them up, and raped the wife repeatedly. At that point, the colleague managed to flee the area, and she has no idea as to what happened to them afterward.

This could very well be the fate of our country in case of our surrender since the world obviously doesn't care and wouldn't bat an eye at the millions suffering and dying, kind of like it's happening now.

So surrendering is dangerous because we might cease to exist, but perhaps we are just prolonging the inevitable. A tiny country with a pathetic level of support cannot win against a giant that has a ton of everything and whose allies keep sending it even more weapons of destruction. Oh, and let's not forget how Russia keeps producing more and more weapons because the US and EU keep selling it the parts it needs for missiles and other stuff, and how Ukraine, after seemingly getting help from these US and EU, is forbidden to use it to strike Russia back.

It's all a joke to everyone but us, so I honestly don't envision a positive outcome at all. In the end, as long as our heroes are determined to defend Ukraine, we'll keep trying to hold on. The future will show what it'll lead us to.

[klaraslevi]

Levi and the most irrelevant topics about his character

I have been seeing so much discourse in the fandom lately so I wanted to clear a few things up. I think Levi and his great character gets lost in all the pointless discourse.

His sexuality

Oh boy, you people make me irritated with this one. It was never confirmed or brought up simply because it doesn't matter, it is irrelevant as it gets especially for a character like Levi.

One thing I see poeple often bring up a is an "interview" where Isayama supposedly says that Levi like tall people and I would like to make one thing clear, that is an answer with no written down evidence or an actual translation. There is a version where Isayama says "does he like women?" And then there is another version which says "the type of women he likes?" Among 30 other translations and some fans saying that this was never even said, you cannot take this as canon, let alone give someone a screenshot from a random article online to convince people into your headcanons. This interview, be it fake or not, is not canon evidence and shouldn't be taken so seriously. In canon? Levi showed no interest in either genders. Using offical art as evidence that he is straight or gay based on way he is sitting standing or how he dresses is the dumbest thing ever and I don't even think I have to tell you why.

Bottom line: Levi has no confirmed sexuality, he could be straight, bi, gay, pan, ace etc. It is irrelevant to his character and wouldn't change a thing about him. You're free to headcanon Levi as you like just don't push it onto canon when none of us know and quite frankly, shouldn't care that much about it.

Ship wars/ships/Levi's love interest

Again, another topic that people take way too seriously. Ship wars for Levi shouldn't even exist but he is among the most popular anime characters so I suppose naturally they will. Levi doesn't have a canon love interest and no matter how much some push thier ships into canon, it won't change that fact. The shipping fandom is having fun most of the time and you actually going into thier spaces to hate on them is stupid.

Shipping community is huge and most poeple are having fun. You cannot group a whole shipping fandom into the toxic bunch which I see so many poeple do. No Eruri's, Levihan's, Rivetra's, self interests etc. aren't all bad because you saw one toxic fan send hate to people who don't ship or ship a certain pairing. People seem to forget that the person they are attacking over FICTIONAL CHARACTERS is an actual person, with hobbies and emotions. Sending someone death threats or hat over a ship they ship or don't ship makes you an asshole and shouldn't be a thing.

Fun fact: Japanese fandom has a name for poeple discussing Levi and his love life. They call it "landmine" because it's so irrelevant and poeple get so worked up over who he should/shouldn't be with rather than just acknowledging the story and his character for what it is.

Bottom line: Levi has no canon ship or a love interest. Headcanons are fine and having an opinion is too but pushing it onto canon and hating on poeple because of ships is not a way to go.

The sub or dom debate

Do I even have to explain to poeple why this is stupid?

It's mostly discourse around Levi x reader writers on here and other platforms. I am a Levi x reader writer, I have a separate blog for that but as I said many times before, those things are just my little fantasies and I never push those into Levi and his actual character. I see so many get worked up when someone sees Levi as a Dom or a sub and someone doesn't agree. This is fanfiction, it is not an analysis on his character. We don't know how Levi is during sex or if he even had sex in the first place and the fact that people actually get so worked up over it is ridiculous. This is super irrelevant, has zero baring on Levi and his decisions in canon. I have my headcanon, we all do but let's not pretend like we actually know anything about Levi in this context because we don't and it's the last thing we should focus on. None us are right, it is not that deep that someone sees Levi as a sub while you see him a Dom, trust me, this shouldn't be in discussion, it had nothing to do with canon. And who even actually cares? How does this affect Levi?

__________________________________________

Levi is a great and complex character, the fact that people let all his qualities get lost in such discourses is upsetting. We can't decide these things because we emotionally attached ourselves to a headcanon or a ship. Levi is not something because you "feel" he is, remember facts over feelings. Worrying about these irrelevant things makes Levi's character get lost in pointless and never ending debates.

[waffowo]

I’m convinced that the Seventh Doctor is one of the most powerful characters in all of fiction. Not “The Doctor” but the “Seventh Doctor” very specifically.

He’s incredibly funny conceptually and I cannot get over it. I’m baffled by his existence. He is walking proof that The Doctor doesn’t need to be always just some guy in a box. He has 4 main enemies and none of them are iconic Doctor Who villains. His greatest foes are his own intellect, the literal embodiment of evil, an abstract bounty hunter that has reality warping powers and Thatcherism. Does he fear a God? One of his schemes against a great enemy involves weaponising RPF fanfiction and I’m being completely serious. Every Doctor references 4’s speech in Genesis Of The Daleks while pretending this little man doesn’t exist. I guarantee that if he was in Midnight, the episode ends in 10 minutes. He has either tricked the entity into combustion or has instructed Ace and Hex to batter it to death with baseball bats. The episode runs at full length only if he gets bored but instead ends with a full doxxing of its identity.

I’m not a powerscaler, but if I were, this man would not be on the fucking scale. Do you really think that most anime characters would clock him as the main threat? He’s playing the fucking spoons and tottering around, he has misdirected everyone so hard that people are just forgetting that he still hasn’t explained (I’m only at Death In The Family) why the fuck the TARDIS is in a different colour. Even if let’s say, he’s bisected by Sukuna or obliterated by Saitama, he will come back. Somehow, SOMEHOW, be it one hour or literal decades, he would have resurrected and would giggle and completely wipe your existence from History. Warping reality cannot save you, he has already won. Keep in mind that the only reason that he actually died and regenerated was because he got super unlucky, that even after getting pelted by bullets BY ACCIDENT that what took him out was a fucking defribrillator BY ACCIDENT and also somewhat BY MEDICAL NEGLIGENCE. Nobody is doing is doing it like him. As I type this, I literally cannot think of a way that my favourite characters could actually kill him permanently. Like what do you do if you see him? Why does he just…know things other Doctors don’t? What even is he?

[world0fmadness]

addressing some silly little comments from the r/blackmetalcringe sub before i move on to something more interesting ( unless they post me again because that would be truly incredibly funny )

and now if you post this there “ girly ” you better include my damn bugsnax song that you cropped out of my first post because that was crossing a damn line! i can take being called cringe but cropping out my favourite bugsnax song from my post? no way, not cool at all and if you do it again i might just have to come over there… i am kidding, obviously, but like… leave the damn bugsnax song in my post <3

okay, first up!

how on earth is my lack of shame “ disturbing ” ?

i write fanfiction on tumblr about dead black metal artists or old enough to be my father black metal artists, literally no one cares here because fanfiction has existed for years and has never hurt anyone, it is literally just typed out words on a screen… boo! wow, that was so disturbing, right? i totally understand finding fanfiction a little cringe and not enjoying to read it yourself, maybe i even understand someone just not getting why people read it at all but just… leave it alone then? maybe just block the person who does something you do not like? hm… i find regularly stalking blogs who post things you do not like just to post them on reddit is more, disturbing per say…

also i have never said i was “ strong ” nor “ brave ” for writing fanfiction, try not to put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head, pretty please? i write words!

and a little correction! i do not write about only dead people and i do not write about gay sex, my fanfiction is not ship work, it is x reader <3

now, next up!

now this one is actually a very decent observation from who i assume is one of the sub mods? or something?

he is correct about… some things! that being the fact that i wanted to be posted there and they should not have blurred my blog name! especially since two of my mutuals have been posted recently with their names not being blurred at all… the only thing this person is wrong about is the fact that he thinks i thought i would get any real traffic from my name being visible! like… no? not really! i think if my name was visible, i would get some anonymous hate mail for about a week at the very most before it just blows over, that is or real traffic at all! i do not care about hate mail because it does not affect me, words on a screen do not affect me…

also love the last comment by him about probably just banning me if i possibly ever show up in the sub lolol! something about that is funny to me, not sure why! i think it is the probably like oh they will probably ban me but maybe not like if i flash my boobs in the same post or something they might let me off the hook and gosh… what would i ever do if i got banned from a sub that i literally never really visited before me and my friends got posted there? what ever will i do if i get banned from a sub? oh gosh, my life will just be in tatters if i get banned :(

and, another one!

this one is so… i do not even know what to call something that is so assuming of other people lolol!

“ let them be forgotten, they will hate it ” like what? i hate to break it to them but we have all been on tumblr for a damn while now, we were doing perfectly fine before we got posted there and we will continue to post perfectly fine! literally nothing is going to affect the way i run my blog, i would actually love nothing more for them to forget about us and move on with their lives! it cannot be healthy scouring the internet for things you find cringe to go post on the sub… and we sure as hell know that the original poster is a stalker, oh yeah… the rabbit hole got real deep with them, maybe i will make a separate post about it because it is damn strange!

“ feed their delusions and keep watching them spiral ” uhhh… what? keep watching us spiral? who the hell is spiralling? lolol! i think… i think they might be writing fanfiction about us in their head because it is quite obvious that no one here is spiralling, we are all fine and continuing to run our blogs as usual <3

really? no one needs to come up with any fancy names to hurt me? but why the sudden change? on the post about my mutual with BPD there was a whole lot of fancy little names being said towards them in the comments and so many of you seemed to love it, what happened to that? why do i not get that same treatment?

also, i am eighteen and not in high school but thank you for believing in me that i could graduate! that is very sweet <3

this one is just for some corrections! but yes, yes, unfortunately you guys will never be as cool as us but if you keep my bugsnax song in then maybe you will be!

once again, i do not write ship work nor do i pretend to be a mayhem member, i think you may be having a brain fart and getting me mixed up with my mutual who you certainly seem especially fond of but they do not pretend to be anything…

listen “ girly ” did you even properly look at my blog at all? or did you see my ask sent to andrew in the midst of stalking their blog, click my username and that was it?

“ making it up ” hmmm, no!

uhhh, did any of them even read the comments on the first post about my mutual? not that fancy little names affect me at all but uhhh… yeah there was a whole lot of little slurs going on in that comment section, looked like a thirteen year old had nabbed a twitter account after browsing 4chan for the first time and gone crazy on his own feed! i have no reason to make anything up, the proof is in the pudding…

uhhh, who are all these people with a “ laundry list ” of mental illnesses? i certainly have no mental illnesses listed anywhere on my blog so why assume that i do? to the op on reddit, you really need to give your people more context on me because they are getting their shit all wrong! i basically never talk about my own mental health on tumblr, i try to keep stuff like that more private… it is not that i am ashamed of having some mental health struggles or anything like that, just that this blog mainly revolves around music and fanfiction so i tend to never have a real reason to bring it up!

this is why i wish my blog name was not blurred so that these people could get their facts straight before commenting and bundling us all into the same basket of assumptions!

honey, i barely do check reddit! i stick to about one social media app, i use reddit mainly for news about my hobbies and interest… i was only made aware of the fact that i had been posted on the sub thanks to a mutual messaging me and an ask telling me! and alas, i went to check and there i was in all my glory with a blurred name and some funny comments to read from people who know nothing about me nor my life <3

and this! this is so damn funny considering how many of them, including the op of our posts there, are being blatantly and obviously transphobic towards andrew… they are so high and mighty until they are so obviously not and uhhh, i am not straight lolol <3

anyways, that is enough! i am kind of just bored now and cannot be bothered lolol, if i get posted again i will gladly laugh about it once more but yeah, bugsnax song!

[deathnguts]

Spare some rabastan lestrange for the needy pls🤲 (i’m the needy and i’d like to know what you think about his dynamic with his brothers)

Sigh, fine I’ll guess I’ll spare some pennies. Thank you for the ask! This is kinda scatter brained and kinda focused on Rodolphus to like parallel/paint how the brothers are together with they are separate and yeah I dunno I threw up

So usually I internalize whatever @florsial (formal apology to you pookie, Im about to act out of line 🫶) says about Rabastan because we tend to agree on things surrounding him but I think we definitely view Rodolphus differently. Which is fine, he barely exists as a character and I think it’s just representative of how we fundamentally view sibling relationships differently. Like I don’t know what it is with me, but I feel the need ti make every sibling relationship I write for either fanfiction or my own work complicated as hell.

So Rodolphus Lestrange. I think he’s a lot like Orion Black. Like he probably even looked up to him kind of when he grew up, (which is kinda funny because Rodolphus probably isn’t much younger than him if at all considering my headcanon that both walburga and Orion were young when they had both their children to kind of get it out of the way) and you can see that in like a lot of how he just is. Hes ‘stoic’ but actually just doesn’t feel a lot of emotions and doesn’t pretend he does, he’s probably like a hair away from being an alcoholic but he doesn’t drink because he knows that (unlike Orion who is very much an alcoholic), hes antisocial and physically annoyed around people because he doesn’t understand why they are as ‘efficient’ as he is and looks down on all of them.

He’s very work oriented, so much so that he doesn’t really have a life outside of it at all. He’s always been the twin the family knew to count on and he always liked having the title so he never had a rebellious stage or any real anger towards his expectations beyond being tired at the end of a particularly grueling work day. I think the only work hes expected to do that he actively doesn’t work towards doing is producing heirs. He doesn’t like kids, he thinks they’re loud and messy and they get in the way of a schedule. It’s like the only thing him and Bellatrix agree on since she also wants nothing to do with kids. (Also quick note on their marriage, I think they pretty much ignore each other and that’s their idea of what they’ll be like forever. When in public together they put on the ‘better than you’ couple mask but in every other scenario they live completely separate lives and actively avoid each other or they’ll find something to fight about.) like the general vibe I could sum him up with is, yes he’s Rabastan’s twin, but everyone who’s ever talked with him assumes he’s like a decade older and just aged well.

So to contrast that with Rabastan, who was never really expected to be anything and never proved anyone wrong, he’s the sort of kid his mother defends no matter what but he father actively tries to forget about. The exact sort Rodolphus looks down on. He can’t help it’s his brother, he’s still below him. And that would be easier to accept if Rabastan stopped proving it over and over. He had to act out in school, he had to move where mother couldn’t find at seventeen, he had to preach to the family that they were ‘immoral’ or whatever, and then he had to preach it to a child, and then he had to marry the child. Like, Rodolphus isn’t a good man by many means, but his lack of feeling or empathy towards people gives him a more head on view of them. And his head on view of his brother is that he’s useless, dramatic, and so desperate to be anything he’ll lie to a little girl to get her to view him that way. And not to say Rodolphus is any better since he witnessed first hand what his brother was doing, he literally walked in on the two hiding away to make out in a corner when regulus was still fifteen and his brother was the same age as himself and just turned back around and never mentioned it to anyone. A truly good person probably would’ve done something. Good thing that’s not what he’s trying to be.

(Also unrelated but I wanna circle back to a point @florsial has that I love about how Rabastan and Regulus are a couple who tries to nuclear and domestic but fails, I feel like that’s a joke on its own especially in this context. The idea that Rodolphus is the nuclear working man so Rabastan must parallel him by being a family man, he just isn’t. Yes he’s closer with his wife than his brother is, and yes that could be something he has over Rodolphus but pretty much no one in their family is proud of Rabastan for his teenage wife and it’s not like their perfect or anything.)

Rodolphus has probably told Rabastan he thinks this only once since he’s usually content to be quiet about it. He probably broke and yelled about how Rabastan will never be anything ro even get his shit together and it won’t matter because no one has hope he will and it hurts because Rodolphus was never given that leeway and it must be fucking nice to have. Rabastan probably doubles back with how much it must be nice for anyone to give a shit about you, to not only exoect things from you but love you even more when you deliver. They probably kept fighting until Rodolphus, as always, gets tired and shuts it down and goes home.

Because even a man who feels nothing has breaking points, especially when Rabastan keeps fucking pushing for one. And that was their relationship a lot of their life, I think. Rabastan desperately wanting to be seen and Rodolphus who is willingly blind. When they were younger that was ok, little kids before hogwarts just played together until father came to take Rodolphus away, growing boys at hogwarts who slowly drift apart when one doubles down on academics and the other found there’s more to do (and not for lack of desperate trying on the seconds behalf.) and then they’re grown up and neither can place what really happened. They’re sure they used to love each other, at least they think so. And they don’t know what happened, because something must have happened. Right?

Yeah I dunno it’s hard to continuously explain but I think what’s tragic about them is that it’s needless. Rabastan could try ti be better and it would not only help his relationships but himself, Rodolphus could try ti be more and he same would happen to him. If either brother were better at being human then they would be better at loving each other. But they’re not, so they can’t.

[forestdeath1]

do you think james bullied snape because he was poor? do you think it had anything to do with classism?

Nope, I don't think so. When I first heard this version, I was really surprised. I think it comes from fanfiction? Some authors use the detail that if a child is rich, they will always bully the poor. That's not true.

We don't see any evidence that in the relationship between James+Sirius (why do they always forget about Sirius? He was very harsh verbally towards Snape and did it without much reason in his head) and Snape, there's anything related to Snape's poverty.

Here are a few reasons:

1. Sirius doesn't like the trappings of his family's wealth; he despises it. He's intentionally shown as the complete opposite of Lucius Malfoy (even their appearance, black and white, the most rebellious of purebloods and the most sycophantic, the one who values wealth and money and the one who despises it). Do you think he would love and be friends with someone who bullies others because of... money?! No way. It's actually pretty demeaning for the person themselves to brag about how much money they have. Considering how proud Sirius is, I doubt their bullying had anything to do with Snape's poverty.

And I think this Sirius's pride is partly seeded by his family. Because…

2. I think the Malfoys narratively were a bit the opposite of the Blacks in general. Their moneyed arrogance and bullying from Lucius and Draco - that's a pretty specific case, very similar to how some people think their money solves everything and defines who they are. The Malfoys are raised like that —they believe just having money makes them better than others. If we're talking about the old style upper class —it's not about thinking money makes you better, it's about how you're raised, what family you're born into, how you live, how you grow up – that's what makes you upper class, not your money. For wizards – their blood purity and loyalty to pureblood ideals. They might not even have much money, but they'd still be proud. Meanwhile, you might become rich, but you'll never become upper class. And it's pretty odd for this "class" to bully others based on money. The way the Malfoys do it is pretty crude and demeaning for themselves. In canon, it's well shown that the Malfoys are fixated on money. Whereas the Blacks aren't about money, but about their status. For the Blacks, it's all about status and primarily about blood purity. The Malfoys marry half-bloods, while the Blacks disown their children for wrong marriages.

3. I don't think wizards really have classes based on wealth.

(Also it’s pretty obvious but just in case, wizards don't have aristocracy in the traditional sense. After the introduction of the Statute of Secrecy, wizards don't have titles. Titles are purely a Muggle construct. Before the Statute, they existed, we know the Malfoys came with the Normans and were given lands. We know about the Bloody Baron. But there's no indication in canon of these aristocratic arrangements among wizards after the Statute (which, by its nature, implies service). The only lord among wizards was Voldemort. Because he called himself a lord. The fact that wizards deliberately don't use titles, even though the Malfoys had it, speaks only to one thing — the very idea of calling yourself by such titles is abhorrent to pure-blood wizards. It's a connection to Muggles and Muggle royalty. And being an aristocrat isn't just a privilege, it's also a duty.)

I think their upper class is pure-blood wizards. Their nobility is blood nobility. Their nobility was based on blood purity and loyalty to blood purity. They have a book called "Nature's Nobility: A Wizarding Genealogy." So all their nobility — it's natural, inborn, blood, or rather pure-blood. But it's nowhere regulated, except in the minds of those pure-bloods. Their society is inequality in minds, where some consider themselves better than others.

Your mother was Muggle-born, of course. Couldn’t believe it when I found out. Thought she must have been pure-blood, she was so good.” (Professor Slughorn)

Even "not-biased" Slughorn was biased against muggleborns

They take a very harsh stance against "blood traitors". And true blood purists are much more tolerant of poverty if it's truly loyal to pureblood ideals (even families like the Gaunts). Blood is more important than money. The Black family tree has many marriages to different families, but not all of them are wealthy; it's impossible in their small society. I think, given how small wizarding society is, only three families were truly wealthy — the Blacks, the Malfoys, and the Lestranges. And I believe the Malfoys mostly gained their wealth from dealing with Muggles. Pure blood and being on the "Sacred 28" list doesn't make a family rich. Why if someone's in Slytherin, they're rich? Where did this wealth come from? In the Muggle world, this is understandable (but that's not always true either). But in the wizarding world? So it's a pretty weird trope that all Slytherins and pure-bloods are rich.

Wealth itself also doesn't make someone a member of the "upper class" in the wizarding world. No matter how wealthy you are, if you're a blood traitor or Muggle-born, then this pure-blood upper class won't accept you into their society.

Therefore, I believe bullying Snape had nothing to do with Snape being poor and classism.

There aren't that many rich people in the wizarding world.

Not everyone in Slytherin was wealthy. Their "upper class" is not related to wealth.

Sirius certainly didn't show any interest in wealth or judging people based on their money. The Blacks probably thought their blood was more important than any money.

James didn't show that either. Remus and Peter probably weren't rich, and they all got along fine.

All we know about James and his attitude towards money is this:

James was amused by Vernon, and made the mistake of showing it. Vernon tried to patronise James, asking what car he drove. James described his racing broom. Vernon supposed out loud that wizards had to live on unemployment benefit. James explained about Gringotts, and the fortune his parents had saved there, in solid gold. Vernon could not tell whether he was being made fun of or not, and grew angry. 

I don't see anything here that suggests James was intentionally trying to flaunt his wealth. It was a response to Vernon's assumption that they live on benefits. That wasn’t bullying. Sirius would hardly have said so, but James obviously didn't think talking about money was something embarrassing. But it's not bullying.

[euphoric-dramione]

manacled

tw: spoilers for manacled

this one will be long, so brace yourselves

I first read Manacled in 2020, and it must've been the third Dramione fanfic I ever read, so I was truly very impressed with how well written it was. It remained the best and my favorite fanfic up until I started rereading it recently, and I'm writing this rant because I just finished rereading Manacled for a third time and I have some thoughts.

Firstly, it's important to state that back in 2020 I was still a high-school student, I loved reading books, especially classic literature, but I had little understanding of why some pieces of literature become classics and others don't. I just liked reading, and just like many other people, I thought that fanfiction was bad because all I've ever known at that point was Wattpad. Manacled changed my opinion. It was the best thing I had ever read, but I was only nineteen.

Now I am twenty-three, I have a degree in English literature, and although it might mean nothing to some people, it proves to me that I can read and understand texts as well as view them critically - my degree gave me tools to approach things I read and see using critical thinking skills. I don't want to critique Manacled because I think that all fanfiction is a wonderful gift that writers give readers for free, asking nothing in return, and that is such a lovely concept, so please keep that in mind when you read and review fanfiction. My critique stems more from what Manacled tells about the way we read classic literature, books in general, and how we deal when we face dubious morality. There is a thin line between books and literature - sometimes that line doesn't even exist. All literature is books, but not all books are literature. Just like all books are texts, but not all texts are books. What is Manacled then?

I'm choosing to speak about Manacled because I think it does a very interesting thing. It is an intertext of two books - Harry Potter and The Handmaid's Tale. Both of them are books, only one of them is literature, however in Manacled they are treated the same.

The Handmaid's Tale is a gruesome novel about a dystopian world where fertile women are slaves to men, their ability to bare children used as a weapon to exploit them. As the author herself, Margaret Atwood, stated, everything depicted in this novel had in some place or some time actually happened to women.

Rape in The Handmaid's Tale is a way for men to demonstrate how much power they have over women, and how they use that power to humiliate and control every aspect of women's lives, especially their reproductive health. Manacled picks up the very carcass of the story of The Handmaid's Tale and inserts it into a dark AU Harry Potter universe where the second wizarding war with Voldemort still continues some years later. Whereas The Handmaid's Tale is a thought-provoking feminist masterpiece about women's struggles and the never-ending violence perpetuated within walls of patriarchy, Manacled focuses solely on one woman and one man. The woman being Hermione Granger who is forced to bear Draco Malfoy's child in order to get her memories back, so Voldemort could rule forever. Later on, we figure out that Hermione and Draco were actually in love, but war set them apart, and it's him Hermione tried to protect by erasing her own memory. Here lies the distinction. Not only does Manacled say nothing about feminism and how women's bodies become war battlefields for, most often, men. Not speaking up on something in the intertext is absolutely nothing wrong. But Manacled does something else, something that I now see so clearly upon rereading, and something which I can neither forgive nor forget. It romanticizes rape. You might say I'm being too callous saying that it romanticizes rape when it is simply depicting in, and I will explain why I chose the word romanticizes.

Although Manacled doesn't allow us to attribute good or bad traits to characters, it is still very clear that Hermione is the heroine in this story and Draco - the hero with antihero characteristics. How do we deal with the fact that our hero hurt our heroine? We look for excuses. Draco Malfoy rapes Hermione, and we're looking for excuses as to why he did it. Some excuses are these: he did it because he loved her, because if he hadn't raped her, Voldemort would've found out that they were hiding something, and then would've killed them both; he did it, but it hurt him even more than it hurt her (it is true that both the victim and the perpetrator might be equally traumatized by an event one caused and another had to suffer through, but it never excuses the perpetrator); and finally - he did it because he had no other choice. Side tangent, but if my loved one ever has to choose between murdering me or raping me, I hope they kill me. Murder me a million times before you rape me once, that will be a greater mercy. And I believe had Draco actually loved Hermione as much as he claimed, he would've murdered her before he laid a finger on her. Let's also have in mind that he rapes her not once, not twice, but over THIRTY times.

While The Handmaid's Tale tirelessly shows that rape is the worst thing that one person can do to another, Manacled, with all its horrifying depiction, claims the complete opposite. Draco Malfoy rapes Hermione Granger, and although he doesn't take pleasure in it, he still does it. We find excuses for it because he is a hero of the story in our eyes, the same way that we find excuses for our favorite famous men when we find out they committed atrocious acts especially against women. When we read Manacled, we are encouraged to believe that rape is sometimes unavoidable, which is the greatest lie of all, it is blasphemous. Because it's Draco Malfoy committing the rape, it seems that sometimes a person has no other choice but to rape another which is a complete antithesis to what Margaret Atwood, and many other modern feminist thinkers claim. Of course, we don't need feminst thinkers to tell us rape is bad, but we might need to think a little deeper to understand that it is never something one has to do.

Rape is always avoidable, never necessary. It is perhaps the only crime that is committed not for some particular reason, but solely because one person wants to hurt another. Murder, theft, these are the crimes that a criminal might commit because they're poor, because they're are being blackmailed, because it's self-defense, etc. However, rape is such a horrifying crime specifically because you can always choose not to do it, and specifically because it is so hard to recover from - rape victims suffer more extreme and longer-lasting cases of PTSD than victims of any other crime because rape is so horrible and death might be considered dignified compared to rape, not better, but more merciful than rape. Draco Malfoy might be a lot of things in Manacled, but one of them is a rapist, and there is simply no going on around it. If you can forgive him, I hope it's because of all the other fanfics you've read where he was good and kind, and not because here he had no other choice but to rape, because that is simply not true. He had a choice, many choices, to be exact. The choice is always there. The most important thing is what we choose.

This is in no way an attack on Manacled, it is not a review nor is it hatespeech - I thoroughly enjoyed this fanfic back when I read it the first time, and I do think it is incredibly well-written, and I am not comparing it to any other published works because that would be unfair. I believe the things I've talked about have more to do with what regular people who are not writers write and how regular readers who do not read classics all the time accept and discuss that work later on. Anyone could've written something romanticizing rape, and many people do it all the time, some even get published and make money off it, but not all people can write as well as the author of Manacled, and even less would be ready to give us their work to read for free. I purposely do not mention the pseudonym of the author because I am also not attacking them personally, simply pointing out what I've noticed. Thank you for reading all the way to the end.

[yeosboba]

perfume - l.mh

another one i'm transferring here from @yeosluvr

______________________________________________________________

Perfume - Lee Minho Featuring: Lee Minho of SKZ

Genre: Angst, a little fluff

A/N; This is an idea I’ve been thinking of for a long time, and is actually part of a series that I’m currently (slowly) working on, so for now, just enjoy the random word spill huhu. Do leave some feedback and reblog

Disclaimer; this is just a fanfiction and doesn’t portray how lee minho or any stray kids member behave irl. sorry for the late updates.

...

Minho stares at the bottle of perfume now standing - out of place - on the top of his vanity, away from all of his other belongings. It’s cheap perfume, still a quarter to be full, and he doesn’t even remember the brand - maybe there was no brand, to begin with? - but he remembers her being used to coming up here, to his room, lying down on his bed and having breakfast in bed with him, having that cheap perfume stashed in her pocket for emergencies. He remembers the first time he ever officially talked to her - scratch that, it was her who talked to him first. It was about his perfume.

“Where’d you get your perfume?”

He also remembers at the time that it was after his very first breakup - and he even liked her a lot too despite his flirtatious ways- and after that, she came into his life through a simple tap on his shoulder and a seemingly trivial question with a much more trivial intention. She didn’t really expect that it’d hurt to fall in love. He grimaces at the thought and stands up to take the bottle of perfume on the stand.

Twelve months ago, she had come up to him, jet black eyes behind thin rectangular glasses, in a librarian uniform with her name tag stuck proudly on the left side of her vest. He remembers her looking down at her polished leather shoes and the frantic eye language she gave him - the wrong person to ask for help actually since she needed help asking him a question. He chuckles at the memory, and remembers that he answered, “It was a gift from an old friend.”

His ex. Anyone would refer to their ex as an old friend, right?

He could see the surprise and embarrassment eating up on her when she bit her inner cheek and crimson flooded her cheeks, and he thought to himself that he found this girl cute. Awkward, sure, also highly introverted, and not to mention her addiction with books and the school library was beyond what he could fathom, but she was cute nevertheless. Her chuckles rang through his ears, and he found himself smiling over that little action alone.

And without even thinking through, the words passed through his lips.

“Are you free tonight?”

Minho lays down on his bed, legs hanging off the edge as he sighs quietly, closing his eyes, the quarter-full bottle of cheap perfume held tightly to where his heartbeats quicken over a memory he’d do anything to replay.

*

Waking up to her tidying his room was one of the most wonderful things in life that happened to him. He’d rate her existence as a blessing, God-sent. He had needed this kind of person since the breakup and she was the perfect fit for the requirements.

“So…

You want me to help you forget about her?”

No, certainly not in a dirty way. Not to such a pure, innocent creature as herself, who admitted to never having been asked out on dates or even been in a relationship, although she had embarrassedly confessed to wanting to know what real love feels like.

As if he knew. He scoffed at her request at first, because he thought that he knew what love was. Before the break-up, he thought he knew what it was. Post-breakup? Not very sure. But he wasn’t sure as to why he wanted to grant her wish when he saw her looking down to his hands hesitantly.

“I really wanted to know what love is, Minho.”

“Okay.” He didn’t know what drove him to agree after only the second time she asked. After all, it wasn’t unknown that Minho was one of the people who were very hard to convince.

Minho looks across his room and finds the tulips she sent him months ago in a vase. One of them is starting to wither, he observes. “Red tulips,” she once said to him, he recalls. It’s one of his favourite quotes from her still, and he tries to remind himself of her everyday. “To love someone so great is a wonderful gift. I wish I could love and be loved like that.."

He grumbles at the squeaking pipe at the kitchen sink, and the slow flowing of water into his glass, and as Minho impatiently taps his foot on his kitchen tiles, his cousin Felix walks in.

"Hey."

"Morning, cousin.” Felix chuckles, and Minho shakes his head at the younger man before he notices that the glass is already full, so he retreats into his room quietly. He doesn’t miss the pity in Felix’s eyes as he slowly retreats to his room, not wanting to miss watering the tulips that she gave him months ago.

*

Climbing up to his upstairs apartment was a routine for her, because God knows how Minho can get freakish headaches in the morning if he wasn’t woken up the right way. Minho discovered that she had approached him moderately, just the right amount as to not let the pain rise to his head.

There was a pattern to it too.

Of course, he gave her the spare keys to his apartment so she could help him get up in the morning. He’d groan first, before finding one of her cheeks and pecking it, give her a little smile, and he’d greet her afterwards. “Morning, beautiful,” was an accustomed one that even she got used to.

Afterwards they’d be eating their breakfast together, her snuggling into his chest, and he’d make comments about some random reality show that came on TV. An hour before his first class for the day, she’d get up, tidy her clothes and fix her hair before she’d kiss his forehead - her kisses were always longer than his. It made him feel somewhat strange, something stirring inside him that he couldn’t name. She’d wish him a great day and to text her if he wanted meals together, and he’d follow her out after he gave her a kiss on her cheeks.

Another thing he got used to doing was to walk her back to her studio after classes and meals. They didn’t even talk much on the way back, just comfortable silence and her asking if she could put her hand in his pocket, and later on he’d hold her hand in his pocket. He couldn’t explain why he loved it when she simply smiled at this little skinship, but it felt so pleasant and familiar that he didn’t even disagree with it.

Were they something more than friends when they had that, he wondered.

Perhaps it was something else. It was also possible that friends would do that. It would be the feelings that come with it that’d be inappropriate, in his opinion. Feelings that made him feel his cheeks go warm, feelings that made him stutter in his words, feelings that simply told him that he wanted her with him always, feelings that told him she deserved better. So he had to shake it away one way or another.

They were friends, he’d remind himself. Very close ones. He’d tease her and she’d smile through it, and truthfully it made him happy that simple gestures that told him that the weird friendship they had didn’t go one way made her happy. Simple things in life like buying her her favourite coffee. Remembering to wish her good morning first thing - if she wasn’t in his apartment, that is. Remembering to wish her good night.

In truth, he was scared of it.

It grew to be even more frightening when she accidentally left her cheap perfume- the one that he’s holding at the moment- in his apartment. He was so curious that he picked up by means of teasing her when they’ll be having Literature in a few hours. That was until he smelled it and thought, ‘she smelled nothing like it.

She smelled better.’

Literature was fun. She was one of the tutors in their year, and he’d always tease her when she came round to teach his group about literary components. It usually amused him to see her cheeks flare in red and she’d swat his hand in furious embarrassment, but that one specific Literature night class was … he didn’t know how to describe it, but he felt all giddy reminiscing that one particular night.

“Ah, hey guys. Need help?”

“I think we’re kinda good here, princess.” He was the one who answered, and he had ideas in his head that might’ve shown on his face that made Seonghwa choke on his water and Hongjoong had to poke Minho on his shoulder. “Yeah well, stop kissing her in your head, Lee,” Hongjoong smirked, and if that didn’t make his heart race he didn’t know what would. And surprisingly, her face had seemed to be the same shade of a ripe tomato- if it wasn’t redder.

And then came the teasing.

He didn’t know what drove him. He really didn’t know, but the only thing in his mind at the moment was to see her smile goofily. He had to do it, right?

He leaned forward in his seat, closing the proximity between them two, until their breaths mixed with each other - which actually took her by surprise because she was too focused on drawing a mind map on their whiteboard- and said, “You left your perfume in my apartment, sweetheart.”

At the sound of his voice so close to her, she whipped her head up to see his smirking lips first, then his incredibly shining eyes - that was what she said to him anyways - and she leaned back. Her face was red. She was stuttering on her words.

It was nice to see he wasn’t feeling one-sided about all the arrangement wasn’t it?

“I’ll see you later, honey,” he winked at her.

She nodded, before walking to another group, fanning herself.

*

Minho really badly wants to cry at the amount of memories that are replaying in his head as he clutches the perfume to his chest. Where it hurts. He’d see her smile, and the glow in her eyes whenever she looks at him. Looked at him. It’s getting harder to breathe, so he walks up to his window and for the first time in months, he draws the curtains open.

Senior year was about prom. Of course it was always about prom.

Lee Minho asked her if she’d wanted to be his date- “As friends, of course. Single friends,” he laughed- and she had agreed to it. Which led to the agreement that they’d go with matching colours. That time, she made a request for him to take him out shopping for black ties. He’d groaned, actually, but it came out a whimper, then a sigh, when he glanced her way and saw her big hopeful eyes, blinking at him.

“Okay.” He smiled.

It didn’t help that on the day of said purchase of tie, she’d hurriedly took some cash out of her wallet and handed it over to the cashier before he could even protest. “I’ll pay for this,” she affirmed firmly, and the cashier squealed over how cute of a couple they were. Which led him to the first of his many regrets in their 'friendship’.

“We’re just friends,” he chuckled, not noticing the way her smile faltered and the cashier nodded awkwardly at her. By then she felt very weak in her knees, but he didn’t really notice it because she was too quick to hide it when he turned to her and asked her if everything’s okay. Of course, she’d answer that it was all fine. All very very fine.

He didn’t get a good night reply that night.

She seemed okay in the morning, though.

She had told him how excited she was for prom, and when curiosity came to him and urged him to ask her about her gown for the night, she just gave him a plain smile emoji and told him that she wanted to save the surprise for the night. He’d smiled at that comment and had waited patiently for the sun of the day of prom to set.

Minho takes in one breath as he remembers the night where he first sees her in the black gown. He wants to remember taking in the sight of her in that black gown of sequins and the frilly neckline and her face was shaded with the lightest tones of make-up and even her hairstyle was simple, her bangs pulled back in bobby pins, and her hair was pulled back with a flower scrunchie, flowing in a wavy side ponytail.

Beautiful. He tells her, the her in his memory.

Thank you, the her in his memory replies. Same voice, same shyness.

She got him tripping and she didn’t even know.

“You look gorgeous, Lee Minho,” she smiled.

“Likewise.” He bowed his head, knowing full well that in her eyes he’d be very flushed-face in the mere presence of her. In a black gown. With that hairstyle. At that point, he was very confused with the border that separated friendship and something that he’d labelled as 'something more’.

The rest of the night, to him, was a complete haze as he kept his hand firm on her waist, keeping her close to him at all times. He didn’t know why he acted like it, but she seemed to not mind, only excusing herself at one point because she needed the toilet. He thought the night went perfectly, and her presence with him had kept him at ease and composed, and he didn’t even remember that he used to have someone that wasn’t her.

Well actually, that thought was interrupted by a gentle poke on his shoulder, and what greeted his sight - to his shock - wasn’t her, but his ex. All in her glorious emerald green dress, all smiley. All beautiful for someone that wasn’t him. His heart stopped at the thought and for a moment all he could think of was how pretty she looked. If only she was his.

“Hi, Minho.”

“Hey yourself.”

A moment of awkward silence passed as she sheepishly grinned at him and he struggled to keep his breaths in check, because he finally remembered what it was that made him stay with the girl in the black gown all along. She was able to make him forget his misery. Had he really used her for his own good? He didn’t know he was capable of doing that, but when his stomach turned and flipped and made him feel sick, he realised that maybe, it wasn’t love that he felt for the girl in the black gown.

So why was he crying?

So why is he crying?

“You came."

"Yeah.” He gulped, not wanting to meet her gaze.

“I saw her just now.” She chirped, and from that voice alone he knew she was genuinely happy for him, thinking he had found someone for him. Someone that could make him happier than she did. “She’s really pretty isn’t she?”

He couldn’t speak.

“I’m glad you’re happier with her, Minho.”

Supposed that she only made him believe in temporary happiness, and not actually him feeling happy with her? The girl in the black gown? Then what should he do? What had he done to himself?

What had he done to her?

“I’ll see you around, Minho.” She smiled, and before he knew it, she had tiptoed up to his cheek, felt a brief second of a kiss on his cheek, and left without any more words exchanged. He felt slightly ashamed of himself, felt as though he was undeserving of any kind of love at all.

But he didn’t know why he’d feel so, so terrible when he looked up to see the huge eyes, those huge, terribly tearful eyes - in terms of trying trying hold back tears from overwhelming - looking at him, who stood in the middle of the room, and her, from the entrance to the hall where the prom was held.

He didn’t even know why he felt so broken, felt as though he’d begged her to stay when she let one of her tears fall and wiped the others away with her hand. He was waiting for a slap - some kind of physical pain on any part of his body - as she crossed the room in small steps. But there was nothing.

She’d crossed the room, took his hand and kissed his knuckles gently, and he felt some more tears falling onto his fist.

“Was I not enough, Lee Minho?"

"No, sweetheart,” his breath hitches at the memory, and he feels his gut kicking against the walls of his stomach as he says so. “You’re more than what I deserve, more than what I asked for,” he says to her in his memory. The words that he didn’t say to her that night.

“Minho?” Another hand came to hold his knuckles and he felt her shake. And of course, the tears. Waves of slow music echoed against the walls and Minho was so thankful that nobody had noticed her. Or him. Crying.

“Hey.” He whispered, bringing his hands to wipe the streams of tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes fluttered close to his touch, and he felt the pain throbbing inside him again as he kissed her eyelids. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s dance,” he whispered, and his arms went down to her waist as he buried his head in her neck.

She nodded quietly, soft sniffs still loud in his ears as he took in her scent, and before long he felt her arms gently going around his neck, and felt her wet cheeks against his chest. Still shaking, he felt her swallow her sobs, prompting him to slide his hands against her back in an attempt to calm her down.

“I’m so sorry,” he says to her in his memory. “I thought it was for the best.”

“I know, Minho.” Figured that he had said the same thing, because he had remembered her saying this all, and her looking up to him, wet eyes and sad smile. “I’m so sorry,” she sniffed again. Minho ignored the urge for him to kiss her right then and there.

Shaking his head, Minho swiped his thumb across one of her cheeks and she smiled. The lump in his throat remained as he felt his cheeks becoming wet after seeing that broken smile of hers. As if she was somehow… just giving up her happiness for his. Although he couldn’t really explain why that thought that might’ve run through her head made his heart sink.

Afterwards Minho had taken her to the photobooth, by means of making her smile. At least they could make funny faces at each other when they sit there, right? At least they’d laugh at each other right?

But he couldn’t really do anything at the moment. Not when she seemed to force herself to enjoy the night because of him. The first take she was laughing because he had tripped on her and she had pulled him to sit down on the seat beside hers, and the cameras flashed on their faces before he could comprehend anything.

The second take was more like him laughing at her as he teased her about how beautiful she looked in that gown. How he wished he could make her his, the voice in his head had whispered. A pleasurable shade of cherry red again coated her cheeks, like the previous times where she had been teased by him, and the second take was her stifling a silly grin and playfully shoving his shoulder.

The third take was him pulling her to sit on his lap, and that the cameras had caught her surprised look on the cameras made his stomach turn. She had her arms around his neck to keep herself balanced, and for that matter she needed to look up.

The fourth take was unexplainable. She was sitting on his lap, and the cameras caught him looking at her with the same confusing emotions he had felt the whole time he was with her. And he had mistaken those feelings to be similar to what he’d felt for a friend when he knew she wasn’t just a friend. She was smiling so beautifully, looking into his eyes as she did so, and he knew he felt warm, as though something inside him was melting to the sensations she was making him feel.

“Lee Minho, I love you."

Between the bright lights of the camera flash and the sound of shutters being clicked open and close, he heard the small voice of her amidst everything.

That night had somehow ended with shaky breaths and hushed voices as he walked her back to her studio, and somehow it felt as if it was the last time he’d hold her hand.

Minho stands up from his position and walks to his desk. His very, very dusty desk, pulls out an old book - that’s for another story for him to tell - and takes out the set of four black-framed polaroids they had taken that night. Brushing his hands across the pictures, he sighs at the sight of her in that gown he adores so much.

But even without the gown, she looks so much more beautiful than any other girls he’d ever known.

Is this love?

He brushes his thumb across her cheek in the picture and feels a weird sense of … something unnamed overwhelming his five senses. Bringing the perfume in his hand to his nose, he gently sniffs on it, before he brings the Polaroid set to his nose. It smells the same, he hears the voice in his head speaking fondly. It smells wonderful. This is her smell.

Brushing the pads of his fingers against her wet cheeks, he bent to her forehead, leaving unspoken feelings and hidden meanings behind a simple lingering kiss to it, but it wasn’t just that that broke her. He had said something that made it particularly difficult for her to forget- and it was such a Lee Minho thing to do when parting ways.

"Don’t ever change for anyone, darling.

You’re perfect the way you are,

Stay the same, love.”

Goodbyes were hard, but it was extremely- surprisingly- difficult for someone who had said a lot of goodbyes such as Lee Minho, and he hadn’t expected that to happen with anyone. Except he didn’t expect meeting her would be the end of that statement for him.

He turned on his heels after the kiss, begging his heart to not even spare a glance, because this was her. She’d make it especially difficult for him to leave.

But long after he reached his apartment, changed out of his suit, and drank a mug of hot choco that Felix had made for him, he found himself staring into darkness, his mind drowning in the remaining memories he had of her.

He sighs again, clutching the two items to his chest and takes in the smell of her. As he closes his eyes, he remembers feeling a sense of warmth flooding him as her smell engulfs him in what he can only as her comfort hugs. How can she smell good even without perfume?

She always does that when she knows he’s upset.

Somewhere in between his consciousness and his dreamstate, he hears a little voice pleading with her in his memories.

If I ever get to meet you next time, I’m praying to God that even if you find someone that’s not me, please don’t ever change.

*

It’s early morning the next day when Minho next opens his eyes. Since his curtains were drawn open yesterday, he’s greeted first thing by the little rays of sunlight. The sun is rising. Groaning, he fights the urge to curse the sun for being up too early. It’s the weekend, what the heck?

The first thing that he registers is that he hears Felix singing as he makes his usual pancakes, and that if he’s very much awake he’d realise Felix is actually having a pleasant conversation. With a girl. But Lee Minho’s not in his right mind, so he doesn’t think of it too much when he realises that the voice is hers- because he thinks he’s still dreaming.

“Hyung!”

He hears Felix’s three soft raps on his door, and he swears that he can hear Felix smiling when he presses his ear to the surface of the wooden door when Felix says, “Someone’s out here to meet you, hyung.” Minho doesn’t think too much of it, because Felix usually invites his friends over, and his friends- Hyunjin, Jisung and Seungmin- he can say they’re basically fond of him.

What he didn’t expect was to see her.

With a box of Pepero sticks that he remembers mentioning to her that he craved for. That was over a year ago.

He blinks, grip tightening on his door handle as she lowers her gaze in a small bow. Minho feels all his senses heightening at an alarming rate, so he turns to Felix, who throws worried looks in his direction as if wanting to ask if he’s okay with her coming. He notices her gulping, wondering if the anxiety hits her the same way it’s currently hitting him.

“I’m just stopping by,” she stutters. “To drop this.” She gestures at the big green box, giggling nervously as she picks at the skin of her arm. When his gaze finds hers again, she looks down to her stockinged feet. She’s still the same, he whispers to himself.

Felix eyes him nervously, an eye language of, “Maybe I should leave you guys alone.”

Minho nods at him, and before she can look up to stop Felix, he’s gone.

The sound of a slammed door surprises her and makes her jump in her position, but Minho stifles his chuckle because he doesn’t want to scare her away like he did last time. It seems as though they’re both thinking the same thing, because Minho notices another gulp going down her throat, and that’s what he’s currently having a problem with. His throat feels dry and it feels particularly difficult to breathe.

“Hey.”

She looks up.

“Let’s sit down. Talk.”

“Like old times?"

He sighs. He knows that it won’t feel like old times anymore.

"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t bring that up.”

“It’s okay, darling.” He says, and he feels the nerves in him relaxing. “I wanted things to be the way they were too."

He sees her open her mouth, but then she closes it. Considering her words and actions before she regrets it.

He walks towards the couch in front of the TV, prompting her to follow him. She doesn’t sit when he sits, slightly troubled and confused, but he knows she can’t refuse him when he holds out one hand and something else in his eyes that begs her to do so, so she sits.

He then carefully slides his arm around her waist, glancing at her to assess her reactions. Under his touch, he notices she tenses, the red spreading to her ears and he sighs and before anxiety can creep back up to eat him from inside out, he pulls her closer to him, putting his chin on her head.

An involuntary content sigh leaves his slightly parted lips, and he relaxes into her figure. Gradually, she leans against his chest too, and he hears a heavy breath coming from her. Another bold move that he attempts is to take her other hand in his, and he cheers quietly when she doesn’t budge, instead leaning more into him, and this time he hears a happy hum from her.

It’s so tempting for Minho to sway her in that position, so he does that, and he hears a giggle from her. The giggles that he’s deprived of for over a year. Immediately he feels as though a huge amount of oxygen is being returned to him, as though his sleepless nights will be no more.

"Minho.”

He hums.

“What are we?” She looks up to him, and he lifts his chin so that he can see her expression.

She’s hopeful.

Tired, but hopeful.

“Are you willing to wait for me?” I promise I won’t be long, he promises quietly, tightening the grip he has on her hand.

“I’m willing, Min,” she affirms, responding to him with a reassuring squeeze of her hand around his. “So long as it makes you happy,” she adds, before leaning into him again, another happy hum escaping her lips.

“Then let’s just stay like this for a while,” he whispers into her hair.

“Okay, Minho."

It takes a minute for him to take in the smell of her, this fresh her, smelling like that perfume he has in his pocket, like the Polaroid set in his old notebook. Everything’s going so perfectly, the way he’s holding her, the way she’s fitting so adequately into his arms.

"We’ll be alright this time.

I won’t run away again.”

She doesn’t look up to meet his eyes when he lowers his eyes to meet hers, stiffening in her position, but remains there on his lap, and Minho understands her too well that he knows she’s slightly uncomfortable with his promises. Ones which he knows that she knows he’ll struggle to keep, and she doesn’t want that. No hurting Lee Minho if she could ever help it, she’d say. If anyone is going to get hurt, it should be her.

“I don’t want you to promise, Lee Minho.” She sighs, playing with the fingers that are intertwined with hers. “I’m more than willing to wait for as long as I must, so please, don’t hurt yourself,” and Minho just doesn’t know what it is that stabs him deep inside but it really hurts to hear the pain hidden in the fake calmness of hers.

“I won’t promise then."

Her perfume in his pocket long forgotten, and the Polaroid set lies abandoned in their shared notebook, Minho takes in the scent of her wafting through the air around them. It’s the first time in over a year that he’s able to sleep so peacefully, and he doesn’t even need her perfume to help him sleep.

She never changed.

[drhighhopess]

Similarities

A Claire x Leon fanfiction

Word count : 2.6k

Chapter : 1/1

Type : sfw

a/n : this was made for cleon week (may not be on theme.. but im still wanting of participation) currently i'll try to squeeze in a fic or two. If so they'll probably less in length. for this fanfiction my whole idea was to show how Leon and Claire relate to one another with past, with trying add who they are today with it! Advice is always appreciated <3, also if enjoyed leave a kudo on ao3. (All pictures from pinterest)

A few footsteps could be heard from the otherside of the door. Practically like a broken record, was he going crazy? Not like anyone could blame the blonde. Each time he went onto a plane just to know he may not come back. Why risk it all?

Only if I decided to not go to the RPD.

Those words ran in his mind more than he'd like to admit.

Maybe it was wrong, all of it. It wasn't like anyone cared. Since Leon was little he was alone. No five year old expected seeing the person who they looked up to killed in front of his eyes. He was only a kid, and didn't even start kindergarten yet. People took him, barely could even process what happened. Speaking to him in a language he couldn't understand. Where was his mom? The woman he loved dearly. He was always a mama’s boy since he could remember. He has a good memory of his childhood inside of Italy from how quickly it changed. There wasn’t even a full concept of life and death to him yet. Especially not at the ripe five.

He remembers his mom, his dad.

Would they be proud of what their son became?

It wasn’t his concern, at least wasn't for now. Why ask a question for a non existent answer. Or he was just meant to be selfish. He couldn’t see all he gave to everyone. If he had the choice to never plan to move to the RPD and stay in Pennsylvania. Simply take a job opportunity out there, never know the fucked up shit he does. He would take it, he hated that he knew how selfish it would be. Even knowing he would never meet Sherry or Claire. Maybe he only thinks like this when he thinks about his situation. Even then when he sees the smile on either girl's faces. He surely doesn’t regret it, or at least as much. Why lie, he's sure they both hate how they ended up in the past six years. He is sure they'd be perfectly fine without him. Who wasn’t anyway?

The apartment door opened, revealing a certain redheaded girl. The bags in her hands pushed against one another. Her back pressed against the door to close it.

“You still up for movie night?” Claire asked, the look on her face said everything. The small smile that crept on her lips. The gentle way they curved in his sight. A soft giggle left her mouth. placing the bags filled with snacks she picked up on her way on the counter of his apartment, before going to lock the front door.

“I'm not taking no for an answer, Kennedy” Claire made clear, her voice firm. Leon knew there was no way he'd get to convince her another night. Just for them to cuddle to sleep instead.

“..Assumed so,” He muttered, leaning his head against the couch. He sat onto the couch, his legs spread apart.

“What's up?” Claire asked, moving over to forget about the bags. She went to Leon on the couch. Moving over to him to take a seat.

“Sorry, just a shitty day.. my mood is fucked up.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Rather wouldn't”

Claire sat there, she looked into his eyes but it didn't even feel like she was inside the same room as him. He practically didn't include her in his space. Like being in an alone room. Just.. he was sitting right next to her.

“Can you not do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make me feel like I'm unimportant”

“Claire you're not, you know this.”

Claire paused, she usually didn't hear him say her actual name. Unless she's being difficult or something. There were a few exceptions, “So we're throwing Red out the window?”

“No, I never said that”

There was absolutely no need for a reply. The redhead couldn't even be bothered. He randomly wanted to treat her like this so be it. She gently got up from the couch. Moving over to their bedroom. Ignoring the bags on the table, meant for them to have some snacks. Lightly pressed the door shut, letting go of the door handle. Pulling her pants off, moving over to her side of the dresser. Finding a pair of shorts to wear. Then a drawer down there was a tank top she wouldn't mind using as pajamas.

.

A couple of hours passed, and a light but delicate knock could be heard. The blonde wasn't in his mood anymore. He felt slightly guilty for pushing his feelings onto her. She just wanted to hang out with him, isn't that what girlfriends do?

Sometimes it was mind blowing to Kennedy she actually loved him. Considering we were talking about Claire Elizabeth Redfield, he couldn't truly believe it. More so because everything he sees in her. A year ago that would have been his best friend living somewhere in California. Recently, it has been rocky. Claire at first was hesitant on moving to the other side of the country. It's a huge change, not to forget with the humidity in the east. Even then she was willing to make that sacrifice for Leon. She didn't expect for the change to hit her as hard as it did. She grew up in the east, inside New York. It wasn't much different from humidity wise.

Leon came from a mission a couple weeks ago, it's the main reason why he's so irritable. She knew he meant no harm, he's just isolating himself. It's a natural tactic they both use every once in a while. It's just.. hard. She just made a big change, now she's living with him. Plus she transferred departments.

Leon entered their room, after knocking, just to make her aware he'd be entering. She seemed awake, just faking being asleep. If anything, at least trying to actually go to bed. He slipped his way under the covers. Wrapping his arms around her waist from behind the woman. Her heat radiated to him. He didn't have to dream or fantasize Claire being his.

She was his.

Just like he is hers.

Leon had no idea that he'd be in a relationship again. He had hookups occasionally. If he was honest not many, he didn't like sex without emotional connection.

His breath caressed her neck, moving his lips to release a gentle whisper, “You up?”

“Yeah” Claire replied, her voice didn't seem sleepy if anything. The emotion coming from it was more hurt than anything.

“I'm sorry, for being difficult”

“Don’t worry about it” Claire mumbled, turning her body around to face him. Leaning over his frame, before going in for a soft peck. His hands moved over to her waist. Leons fingers rested on the soft skin they possessed under them. His hands guided her onto his hips, the movement encouraging the blonde to sit up against the headboard. Feeling her thighs wrapped around him, Claire remained in a straddling position. Her hand rested on his face, leaning in to kiss him once more.

First it was one kiss.

Then two.

And then three.

A soft groan left Leon's mouth. Any of the stress he built up from the couple past weeks was gone. The woman broke the kiss, moving over to pull off her shirt. The piece of clothing was discarded onto the floor with no ounce of regret.

She looked amazing with it, but even better without it

.

The thin piece of sheet that covered Claire’s body felt comforting in a sense. The feeling of being protected and held safe. It wasn’t something she got, since late childhood she was practically alone. When her parents passed away Chris made the choice at seventeen to go to the air force since he knew he had to be the one to support his little sister. In the meantime Claire was only in the 6th grade. The day before she had her mom and dad, she had her parents. They loved each other, and in one night it was taken away. At first she had denial, it was like a situation you'd see in movies. My mom and dad are dead? No way. They were just alive this morning. Once it hit that she’d never see either of them again it sunk. That she really was moving in with her aunt. At first it wasn’t a problem, she loved her aunt. Even then everything was different, so different it hurt and wasn’t fair. Waking up, not seeing her dad sitting on the couch. Neither could have seen her mom cooking breakfast once more. It was a memory she could have never imagined to be taken away so quickly. Afterwards she became angry, upset, mad, jealous, envious.

It wasn’t fair

Nothing is fair, Claire

Throughout the years she learned no one really cared. She only had herself to depend on. She liked taking care of herself. It made her feel powerful with an advantage. No one had the right to tell her what to do and what she should do. Picked the wrong group of friends, learned habits she wished she didn’t. It made her feel… better. She had a place to finally fit in, even if it meant at fifteen constantly being caught with alcohol.

I'm practically grown. Who cares?

Now she's a decade older and realizes how young she truly was to be fifteen. How she was making so many ridiculous choices for what? She had all the time in the world. She learned how much she truly was just a kid.

How she gave her aunt a hard time, she could tell the woman didn’t like her as much throughout the time she lived with her. In full honesty, shocked she held out until Chris came back. Allowing her to live inside her house until Chris arrived home. To Claire's surprise, he wasn’t even there his full time. They discharged him. There was no more back in forth notes. She would miss them in full honesty. Notes were like the one thing that kept her feeling like she had someone that cared for her. Still she knew there was no missing the letters if it meant seeing Chris again.

Claire noticed the absence of space next to her in the bed. Before sitting up, looking at the floor to find her clothes.

Weird, Leon's must've already got dressed.

Her feet hit the cold hardwood tile. Standing up from the bed. Picking up her clothes, before moving over to her closet. Putting them in the dirty clothes basket. Looking over to the bathroom. Opening the door, before turning on the turning the switch up. The light filled up the room. Before turning on the shower, waiting a couple of seconds for it to get warm. Moving over to grab her towel. Setting it on the bathroom counter.

After she got into the shower she closed the curtain. The redheaded girl felt the warm water on skin. She tilted her head back, letting her hair get wet in the process. A breath of air left her mouth. Showering was probably her favorite part of the day. The water caressing her skin, each drop ran down her whole entire body. Giving a sense of comfort, the action made her feel better each time. After fifteen minutes her hand went to turn off the water, each drop hit the tub. Before she grabbed her towel and stepped out of the bathroom. Putting on the clothes she set out for herself prior to taking a shower. Once dressed Claire went back into the bathroom do to what she usually did,

Brush her teeth.

Wash her face,

And put on deodorant.

This time she felt like straightening her hair. She's always had loose curls. It became a normal habit to straighten her hair. Even if she didn’t do it much for work. At least when she was on missions, there was not a need for her to just sweat her hair out. If there was an event or possibly a meeting she liked having her hair straightened, it made her look prettier in her own opinion.

Obviously Leon would have disagreed.

She was beautiful no matter what, one of the prettiest women he knew.

“You know what.. I'm still up for that movie?” Claire turned around, her body now covered in clothes. The tank top that stuck to her skin like glue, then the pair of shorts she put on.

“Really?”

“Yeah, your pick”

“..Okay there's this movie that came out a couple of months ago and I wanted to watch it with you.”

Claire smiled, before continuing, “Did you get the chance to see The Notebook?”

.

All the lights were turned off, the blinds were closed. Everything except the light from the TV. Including the reminder of daylight with the small bits of light seeping from the window. They sat together looking at the screen, having a moment just purely with one another. Leon was less focused on the movie itself, if anything he was focused on the woman next to him. Taking subtle glances at her face. Even if he wasn't a total big fan of romance he'd watch it if it meant making her smile. Just getting to spend some time with the woman he loved was enough, and truly all he could've asked for. Especially with how much he knew she loved spending time with someone. Not just that, but the people in her life she genuinely cared for intensely.

The redhead had her head on his shoulder, his arm rested around her waist. The blanket carefully draped around both of them. Every moment she was with Leon she learned how much they could relate to one another. Not only from the past, the feeling of losing a parent so young. Being failed by everything you knew and having to be there for yourself. Knowing the struggle mentally and emotionally. It wasn't an experience many could relate to.

As well with how they met, meeting in a time in life where everything went upside down. It was where they both needed someone to rely on and trust.

That there was a sense of trust they gave each other.

Leon would be lying if he said he didn't wonder how he would've met her, if not Raccoon City. There wasn't a doubt he wouldn't have met the woman he fell in love with. The same feeling he's never felt so intensely, the same one he never thought he could feel like he did today.

She made it possible.

He knew she could relate to him with childhood, the pain they both faced at the time. Not only that but understand how the Raccoon City Incident affected them both. How they went through it together. The emotional roller-coaster was difficult, but having someone else by your side makes it better.

Leon turned his head to the side to look at her face, shifting his body slightly so Claire would look up at him. Moving her head from his shoulder, her eyes moved to his face, curious.

“You alright?” The redhead asked, before being met with a warm feeling against her lips. Leon pressed his lips on hers once more, before letting go.

“Yeah, I'm fine.. I love you, Red.”

“Love you too, hotshot”

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

Helloooo sleepy! What are we going to do after MW franchise (finally ends)? Let's be honest, fanfiction writers can write better stories than the actual devs and it pains me to say this but it is true to a great degree. It's like they just threw these characters at us and said "Yeah now make out of them as you will" smh

Hmmmm considering the fact that the MW game is most definitely going to continue with Modern Warfare IV in the future, I don't think it's going to end soon, but when it does, do not fret. It's a fandom. As long as the source material exists, people will not stop writing about it. Look at the OG!Modern Warfare that finished by the year 2011. Before MW 2019 came out, i see lots and LOTS of people still making fanfics 7 years after the game finished. Be it a spinoff, be it a fix-it fic, be it an AU or combined with other fandoms. The ideas will never stop, so don't worry too much about it! ᕙ⁠(⁠ ⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠‿⁠ ⁠•⁠ ⁠ ⁠)⁠ᕗ

Yes, some fanfic writers can write really good and even can formulate better stories than the devs it's mindboggling. (Then again, the devs are rushed and gotta meet their unrealistic deadlines by the higher ups. I do think that they can absolutely create better stories than this. They just don't have enough time) 😫

However though, I must disagree with you on the devs 'throwing the characters at us and said "yeah now make out of them as you will".' Because whether or not we think the stories in the game is good or bad, they are the source material, and we must respect it to some degree. Why? Because the result of people willingly ignore them is some of the most unhinged and disturbing stuff that i've ever seen.

What do I mean by that? What I mean is, when someone replaces Gaz with König in 141 for no reason at all/because Gaz is "boring" (which is abhorrent, btw), or when someone just plainly write Alejandro or Ghost being extremely abusive, or when someone unironically is a literal Makarov apologist -- Sure, you can write about anything and everything you want, it is our freedom as a writer, but when you're willingly and consciously so obtuse/ignorant about the source material, you're just making up another story at this point, damn.

Yea yea yea I know CoD is a military propaganda but who doesn't know that at this point - It means that we gotta be critical, careful, most of all wise of the things we create, not an excuse to just treat this characters like ragdolls that you can just switch out or put in, or just extremely ignore the story however you like it.

The fact that there's some aspect in the stories that I don't like doesn't mean I can disrespect the source material. I can dislike what the devs did with the characters, but I also still gotta stay loyal to the story. Doesn't mean I can't write AU's or fix-its, it just means I don't attack the writers/the actors in an attempt to change the goddamn canon, jeez 😭

Got on a little rant there, but yeah that's what I thought about 🥳 Don't forget to be happy!

[ganondoodle]

just to note this, as much as i love botw, i am not uncritical of it, like while i personally like the weapon breaking and rain mechanics everyone else seemed to hate i do agree that the bosses and dungeons were kinda repetetive and there could have been more bigger sidequests, some more diverse epic music tracks also wouldnt have hurt tho i fully disagree with anyone trying to claim it didnt HAVE music, im convinced those people played it with sound off bc wth (edit. plus the unfortunately still orientalist design of the gerudo plus that belly dancer outfit for link ... that thankfully got removed in totk as far as i know but the rest still stands)

personal criticism id have that i would have prefered zelda never gaining her sacred powers but instead finding a different way to fight back, bc her gaining them like that kinda made rhoams abuse .. right, like turns out to activate her powers you need to literall kill everyone she cares about (at least thats why i feel a bit meh about that), her maybe not being as sidelined like that (tho youd have to change alot for that .. which totk had the perfect chance to and then kinda did it again but worse lol) and the yiga clan being less of one little side mission

(also way too many people kept hating on botw for the same few reasons, often without giving it a chance, i think we all heard all the endless complaints about usually little things so i dont need to retread all of that)

alot of those little criticism things got adressed in totk, which i LIKED, but overall its so much less in harmony, this should have been a game about rebuilding and recovering about working together and then zelda gets immediately booted off and we get introduced to characters we never learn enough of to really care and yet they still take away the mystery botw had left us for the world to feel more alive, they ripped out parts that were so internally organically connected to the world and pretended they never mattered nor existed, characters act off and i cant help but feel like the main 'plot' is, as much as i hate to use that comparison, a badly written fanfiction ... it builds on nothing and just leaves you .. or me at least feeling empty, like i am playing through a mockery of the game i loved ... like all the fun i had thinking about the things in botw, the theories you could come up with was all wasted time

i honestly cant describe it better than totk, despite the little QoL changes, and the changes i DID like, it just feels ... empty? not in a literal way but more ... mentally? it feels so shallow? like at multiple points i felt like the game was actively mocking me, when i reached the shrine of life and was faced with barren walls and a puddle of water i felt betrayed for caring so much about what botw had done .. i felt like i could hear the game laughing while i stood there not knowing what to think of it, and while this was the time when i felt the most actually physically compeltely betrayed, that feeling of being mocked kept happening, i kept feeling like i was treated like a dumb player character that just eats up anything they say without thinking or remembering the title this was supposedly a sequel of, like i should play with the little toys of glueing things together and forget the world around me like a 5 year old

that may sound harsh but that is how i, personally, feel about it

[utilitycaster]

Whoaaaa holy shit something just snapped into place reading you mention the concept of creating a shape of negative space bc i've been thinking so long abt the "unspoken things/quiet part" of characters. I've often had this feeling that fandom will go a million and nine yards to red string board an ocean of depth for their favorite blorbo over.... what comes down to what's technically extrapolating based off of xyz canon, but said canon will be like "this character fidgets once, half his dialogue is quoting an in-universe play he tries to recreate (by ruining ppl's lives), and he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't want to be called a monster, therefore he is AUTISTIC and that drives his logic," or "this character has xyz vague background and is TRAUMATIZED because of WAR" inventing an entire character and it's like. Oh boy. This might be a matter of not being invested enough in these characters to TRY and delve so "deep" but I keep thinking that none of this is actually. written or feels purposeful in the context of How Storytelling Works/the Narrative to MAKE me invest or think that it's worth doing so. I always wonder how many people are trying so hard to project a better story onto something without understanding that the story actually needs to BE THERE and ADDRESSED, even subtly, and token moments aren't enough. But then that gets me thinking about how Thereness needs to exist for something to be subtle but written as opposed to Conspiracy off loose projection.

I was kinda thinking abt Laudna and how to use her as an example, because she's one of those characters for whom like, yeah I as a person totally understand the cycle of being upbeat and normal and everything and then having a random spiral of Bad Upstairs before being normal again, but narratively how do you portray that and why does everyone do it so much better than her. With equal screentime, everyone feels like they have so much more meat to their motivations and psychology despite some being significantly less fraught backstory wise. What's happening here because things just feel like they come out of nowhere with her with "oh so that matters all of a sudden?"

Hi anon,

Yes to all of this! With regards to your first paragraph - I feel that a lot too. It's a tricky situation because I think it's completely valid to project things onto characters and imagine them to have specific qualities that either you have or simply that you wish to see in fiction. It only becomes difficult in a fandom sphere when people insist that this is a fully evidence-based endeavor and not a personal interpretation (especially because a lot of that evidence is, as you say, either very much open to interpretation, or else totally spurious. The number of times I've had to shoo people off my posts for talking extensively about how an immensely self-absorbed character who never thinks about others unless forced to clearly has ADHD...but I digress). And as for the conspiracy element, especially when works aren't as good - absolutely. If you haven't read this, which I reblogged a few weeks ago (has Good Omens 2 spoilers) I highly recommend you do because what you're saying resonates a lot with OP's post, both in terms of our need as fans to project or find similarities with characters, and the fact that when people are disappointed by a work sometimes they try to create a better one, but instead of just writing fanfiction and calling it fanfiction they go full conspiracy theorist and assume there's some secret twist, and fall so hard into that all-crumbs-no-schnitzel (to borrow a metaphor from that post) fanon echo chamber they forget it is, in fact, only fanon.

Which brings us to Laudna. Before I go deeper I want to cover three things. First: for me at least, this criticism comes because I know Marisha is capable of doing this negative space work. It didn't come up much with Keyleth since we kind of knew her whole deal very early (which, to be clear, is valid; not every character needs this), but it's present with both Beau (her relationship to her father is masterfully done; the hallmark of good negative space work is that when the reveal comes you say oh of course) and to a lesser extent Patia, who, like all the Calamity characters, conveys a story much greater than the one that unfolds over a single night. Second: I think part of why a number of us in the fandom are so frustrated is that we have been doing that work of generously interpreting Laudna since the beginning, but nothing ever sticks, so it's becoming less and less worth the effort.

I'd have to go back through my archives pretty extensively, but early on, the going expectation for Laudna was that she would explore the idea of being one of the bystanders in a larger story as someone killed simply because of a passing resemblance to someone the Briarwoods wished to send a message to; that we'd get insight into Whitestone during the occupation from someone who wasn't freed by Vox Machina but rather killed, indirectly, because of them. However, not only have we not gotten that, but she also was chosen for being special: Delilah chose her as a vessel because of her inherent sorcery. So then it was perhaps about that tension between finding power in her sorcery vs. warlock levels - Pâté seemed like a clear setup for Pact of the Chain, after all - but then Marisha admitted she had no intention of taking that third warlock level, and always just planned to play Laudna as exclusively leveling in sorcerer, until FCG attacked. And meanwhile, there's no exploration of those sorcery powers, either.

Speaking only for myself, I've been interrogating "hey, why is her backstory that she was chased out of everywhere but for the most part everyone is mostly fine with her?" and "in 30 years she did nothing about Delilah? Really?" for quite some time. There's a number of questions that are not just unanswered, but lack the hints that this negative space work would provide. And to be clear there are ways to explain those things! This meta does a good job of talking through why she may have been chased out, and I've floated, in the past, that even Delilah's unwelcome presence was better than the absolute silence of being truly alone. But the work to support these fandom theories, again, is not really being done at the table, and moreover, even if it starts being done...it's episode 70. It should have come up in some capacity.

Marisha said (to be clear, somewhat jokingly) in the 2022 ComicCon panel that "Yeah. I don't want to think anymore. I'm tired," re: Laudna but the thing is...honestly, in my opinion? A character with Laudna's premise requires far more work than Beau or Keyleth to do well. Not only is she tied into one of the most famous events and entwined with one of the most famous villains of Campaign 1, but she's got 50 years of backstory! Beau and Keyleth are in their early 20s! (I could make a whole other post about this but character intelligence does not equal how hard they are to play; Imogen is an immensely tough concept that Laura's doing a good job with and she's lower INT than Laudna. I'd rather play a wizard than a character like Grog any day of the week because I genuinely believe that the acting burden for making a character like Grog sympathetic and believable without going into cheap mockery and parody is immense).

Going back to that statement, it really does feel as though every 4-Sided Dive episode or panel, when Marisha talks about Laudna, it's always just that she was envisioned as being over her trauma, and the premise was always just "make that creepy girl from her nightmare". And even then: it's fine if she'd done that - simply made a creepy character who was here to be creepy and cheerfully macabre - but through gameplay it's become clear that Laudna is not over that trauma (her arrested development being one of many options), and has acquired new traumas to boot, and for that matter never was really over it given that she displays intensely but they come up so inconsistently that there's never any follow-through. I agree with you completely that the idea of her often seeming fine and happy and then having spirals is believable and true to life, but one does need to actually follow through on the spirals - I think a lot of us finally threw up our hands when Laudna's believable, well-played, and justifiable anger and resentment after being thrown across the world away from half the party, essentially pushed into a fight that isn't her own, being betrayed by Bor'Dor, and feeling Delilah's return melted away without resolution. If you want to make a character who's over their trauma and go-with-the-flow, I feel as though step 1 is to not have an eternal reminder of one's trauma permanently stuck in one's head. "Warlock who dislikes their patron" is actually a premise that requires quite a lot of thinking and effort, and we are consistently not seeing it.

I think what's most telling is that the defense of Laudna for the weird freakout this past episode is both vehement, and in conflict with itself. Is Marisha just making a joke (that didn't really land with anyone at the table nor much of the fandom, and was taken at least semi-seriously by both)? Or is it actually great and good that Laudna is incredibly traumatized and clingy and we should all hope she becomes even more clingy and codependent? When even the people who are shielding Laudna from even a whisper of criticism can't agree what Marisha's doing, it's pretty dire, especially when that criticism is "this character feels directionless and incoherent."

So getting back to negative space: It's my hunch that there just...wasn't a lot of clarity to Laudna's motivations, and the questions in her backstory weren't answered. She's creepy and she's kooky, Sun Tree corpse, Delilah in her head, met Imogen two years ago, was friends with a little girl at some point (which we only know from 4-Sided Dive, which is, to be clear, bad that it's never come up in-game). We don't know how she feels about her sorcery powers other than a vague enjoyment of their creepiness...but she also sees them as a way out from Delilah...but she also barely engages with Delilah and hasn't done anything to get rid of her. We have no sense of how she got to "the worst thing that's happened to me already happened" because while it's completely fair to play her as feeling that way 30 years later, I highly doubt she felt that way as she cut herself down from the Sun Tree. So as a result, it's hard to pick a direction because that foundation is lacking.

The thing about that negative space is that to do it well, you really need to know what you're trying to convey. Which is also why, as you say, characters with much simpler backstories are fine; Fearne was basically hanging out at her grandmother's place until EXU and her parents left when she was very young; she is curious about her parents and loves her grandmother and is a chaotic fey entity who was sent into the Material Plane with the Weave Lens, and mostly she just wants to explore and have fun and hang out with her friends. Ashley just needs to...play Fearne like that, which she does with aplomb. The complex setup for Laudna demands a huge number of answers in the backstory, and my guess is that Marisha does not have them. I think the problem isn't with the acting (in fact, I'm fairly confident it isn't, because, again, I know from past characters Marisha can do this); it's that Laudna's concept prioritized the aesthetic, mechanics, and facts of the backstory, and didn't adequately fill in her beliefs and motivations, so she's just flailing. I also suspect from the most recent 4-Sided Dive and the most recent SDCC panel that Marisha is specifically looking for interparty conflict, and to be clear that's valid...but again, to do that believably and well, Laudna's philosophy and motivations and characterization need to be much more clearly established than they are.

[creationsabyss]

My thoughts on the Aventurine drama

I've been inactive for a while, I was (still am) busy in real life but coming back online to post and seeing discourse about a newly crowned favorite character is disheartening. Even more so, that people are harassing other writers over a drama I feel is overblown.

I have thoughts regarding it but I'm unsure if my opinion would be appreciated. But if you'd like to peacefully talk it out with me, I'd be happy to lend an ear. I'd like to hear both sides, as meager as my opinion may be.

Oh boy, here we go.

Aventurine is a character, a fictional being born to entertain the players. He is not real. He can not be offended by what you create of him. There is no point getting upset on the behalf of a character and prioritizing fiction over a person who does actually exist.

If we do want to condemn slavery fics, why not also cancel slave reader fics? Or ones that include things such as dead dove (including yanderes in general) fics because those topics are equally terrible to condone and write about from that point of view. Or how about other characters that have similar topics in their lore. Should those also be canceled too?

*There are also folks who make problematic pieces to help cope with their own trauma. Does that mean they should be canceled too? (On that note: making a piece that holds problematic content does not always mean the person condones it in real life. Fiction is fiction for a reason.)

In the end, I think everyone can have their own opinions, but I would like to say that your opinions do not justify terrible actions. Just because you disagree with something does not justify you bullying someone into deleting one of their works, whether it is art or writing or anything else, I do not think that is justifiable. Harassing someone or calling people to harass them is not right either.

*If you did disagree with it, why not message the author about it instead of making accusatory posts? Even when done with good intentions, all it does is cause harm when it's practically inviting people to go harass someone over a fanfiction. A very mild fanfiction at that.

If you disagree with a piece, cool. That's your opinion. Just don't interact with it then. Block that creator or that tag or whatever it is that led you there. Or if you're curious, ask that creator.

Also, to reiterate, in my opinion, fiction is still just fiction. Especially when it's a fanfiction about a fictional character. Yes, his canon lore exists, but people can use that basis in fanfiction, something that will inherently warp canon because we are not the original writers and can not capture him in the exact way he was created. In case that doesn't make sense: Fanfiction does not have to comply with the original lore. Also since some of you seem to be forgetting: fiction does not mirror real life.

If you are truly that concerned over sensitive topics like that, directing that energy towards projects that involve such topics in real life would be much better than attacking people on the internet.