#it’s ALWAYS cis people or other trans men and honestly MOSTLY other trans men

[wilberave]

keep seeing screenshots of that stupid fucking “well we as trans men are all angry at trans femmes blah blah” post (to criticize it not like actual reblogs) and holy fucking shit. i’m currently drunk. and sleep deprived so i’m having trouble forming a cohesive though tbeyond. kill yourself. i’m not mad at trans women i would not be the person i am today without the influence and support and friendship i have received from the trans fem people in my life and i have frequently had other trans men insult and invalidate and belittle my own experience with gender so why the fuck would i be mad at trans women? in what fucking universe do you have the right to speak for All Trans Mascs?? i will always always always have my trans sisters backs because they’ve always had mine and none of us are free until all of us are free!!! have we so fully forgotten such a core tenant of queer liberation? it’s fucking scary. and also fucking stupid to blame the struggles trans masc people face as somehow being the fault of trans women when we’ve been tearing each other apart since the kalvin garrah era. the call is coming from inside the fucking house

[shaingles]

This post might come off out of left field, since it’s unrelated to what I usually post, but i need to scream into the void.

• Transmisogyny is a term for trans women/fems. Not trans men or trans mascs. Trans women and trans fems.

Idk why, but I’m seeing an influx of people (mostly on tiktok) trying to convince trans men/mascs that bigotry uniquely targeted towards us is called either “regular transphobia,” “regular misogyny,” or “transmisogyny,” usually in response to a trans man/masc refereeing to it as transandrophobia or anti-transmasculinity. Additionally I’ve seen people try to say that “transandrophobia/Anti-transmasculinity doesn’t exist” because “trans women/fems have it worse.” Tiktok commenters are good at one thing, and it’s being LOUD AND WRONG !!! And its always cis “allies” doing this. Why are we pitting trans people against each other hello??

• Anti-transmasculinity exists, and we are presented with it constantly. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that trans men/mascs are treated differently from trans women/fem—and no, it’s not trans men/mascs being “more privileged,” because we’re not. The victimization and infantilization of trans men/mascs (“confused young girls” rhetoric) is a good example of Anti-transmasculinity. Another is r*dfems/t*rfs calling us “gender traitors” and saying we “hating ourselves.” Being treated as a fetish, while affecting all trans people, varies differently depending on the group targeted, like how black people are fetishized, but black women are fetishized differently from black men. Ergo, trans men/mascs face a unique kind of fetishization (mostly from cis men) that differs from trans women/fems. With these few examples in mind, this leads to my next point…

• Trans men/mascs are NOT Cis men!

Why are so many people so willing to ignore/dismiss trans-masculinity struggles just because trans-masculinity just so happen to include men?? Why are trans men being treated the same way as cis men?? Did y’all forget the TRANS part in TRANS men??

Just because a trans man is a man, doesn’t mean he suddenly gains male privilege, especially if he’s openly queer or don’t fit conventional gender norms. The only ones that do are the ones that pass, and not every trans man is a cishet-passing individual. It’s even more egregious when the target is a white trans man/masc, because suddenly people forget that trans men/mascs of color don’t exist, and when they do remember us they act like trans men/mascs of color have the same “privileges” as white trans men/mascs, or even cis white men because “male privilage” and/or “AFAB privilege (???)” im sorry, what???

Im a pre-t & pre-op black transmasc, I don’t recall gaining the privilege of a cis white man just because i go by he/they 🤔 I must’ve missed the update or something.

Anywho to sign this off: These are probably uninformed children or trolls causing an unnecessary divide between the community + its tiktok + it’s better to battle transphobia/transmisogyny/anti-transmasculinity irl than online, so honestly I shouldn’t let these obtuse things get to me. I’m just putting this here to get it out my brain.

[dross-the-fish]

Started hanging out with some new friends in a Discord server on days when work from home is slow but I'm not able to leave my desk to draw or write, and I'm honestly surprised by how good of a time I've been having, how at ease I feel. This is the first friend group I've had where most of, if not all of, the people in it are queer in ways that are similar to myself, and not just cisgendered gay or bisexual people, but people who are also non-binary/genderfluid and on the aro/ace spectrum. After a lifetime of being friends with people who were mostly straight or gay and almost all of them cis except for maybe the odd binary-transperson all of whom are allosexual. It also made me realize that I've been walling myself off from most of my old high school friends for the duration of our relationship and haven't even noticed it. I always tend to sit and let little comments slide because I don't want to get into a debate or call too much attention to aspects of myself I'm still figuring out. Dealing with behaviors that were vaguely phobic and excusing them as my friends just "not knowing better," because they seemed well intended otherwise and nothing said was overt. Feeling like before I presented ace characters to them that I needed to have some justification and explanation at the ready and brace myself for people to try and tell me that "well this character can still have sex right?" or "What's the point of making x aromantic?" because they were allosexual and alloromantic and couldn't enjoy characters that weren't "available" in that way. Debates about whether asexuality should even be part of the LGBTQ spectrum weren't common, but they happened. Being made to feel like not being attracted to my partner was unfair to my partner because "everyone deserves to feel attractive to the people who love them." "A stands for Allies" is a thing that came out of one friend's mouth. "Non-binary is trans-lite," is another. "I could never love someone I wasn't attracted to, it must suck so bad to have that part of you missing." When I eventually came out as gender fluid, they seemed accepting but never bothered to use masc pronouns because I still accept fem ones. So they just felt free to ignore my gender all together and one of them even slipped and tried to correct someone who called me "sir" because it was that easy for her to forget, even with me standing right there in a chest binder and men's clothing.

There was always been an element of being ready to defend myself, of weighing my words before I spoke them and agonizing over whether I'd have to hear empty platitudes, excuses of people just "not being used to it" and an obvious, palpable discomfort that no one was willing to unlearn, that would be left for me to bear and to feel like I was at fault for creating by simply existing. And I never noticed it because it was so prevalent and it was still preferable to the blatant hostility most of the conservative population around here has for the LGBTQ community. I can talk to these people about every other thing under the sun, call them when I'm in trouble and they'll help me and turn to them for advice and support in every other area...but the little things still matter. Even when I told myself they didn't. Being around people and feeling like I can be unguarded is such a bizarre feeling that I'm almost afraid of it. Hearing one person talk about how an aromatic character I write isn't broken and wanting strongly for that character to be told that by somebody made me want to cry. Being asked if I would prefer couple art to be sfw vs nsfw because the asexuality of one character was taken into consideration actually felt like a big deal because NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. I didn't know these things mattered so much until they happened and now I feel I'm at a crossroads and debating if I should make the effort to advocate more for myself among some of my old friends. Acceptance matters, community matters. I always knew this intellectually but it's a whole different level now that I've experienced it. I've learned that it matters to me.

[deerboybreeder]

About the detrans stuff- I'm ftm and used to be really into detrans kink, but I also always felt like shit afterwards. It took a bit of work but it turns out I was only into it because I thought that was the only way I'd be attractive to cis men. I'm also really into pregnancy and lactation so that worked with it too. I just really needed validation from men

I think what I'm trying to say is it's not uncommon to think you're into a kink only for it to actually be a trauma response. That doesn't mean you have to drop the kink, you just have to mess around a bit with your boundaries within that kink to figure out what works and what doesn't

I ended up dropping the misgendering part of detrans. But I'm still into having to halt my transition/detransition because someone got me pregnant. That kinda thing

I really appreciate the insight anon! I think I might be in a similar situation, because so much of the content that doesn't actually suck for me later on has to do with pregnancy and it stopping my transition. It really does feel like I'm prioritizing the cis opinion of me in the mindset I get in when I'm posting detrans stuff, which is stupid because I'm mostly T4T (or at least prioritize relationships w other trans ppl) anyway.

I already know I get super caught up in needing validation and attention from people sexual or otherwise, it's definitely a Problem like even irl for me, so I think yeah, it's me trying to appeal to cis men more.

I still like the idea of being forced to stop medical transition because of pregnancy, and someone doing it with the intent to feminize me, but I think I am going to lay off the "you'll never be a real man" type stuff. I don't mind the feminine titles (ie "I'm gonna make you a mom"/"now you're my wife"/"breeder gf"), but maybe that's the GNC part of me playing with gender more than actually misgendering, or like how some gay men call each other girl? But I'm definitely gonna drop the body parts = gender part of it I think for a while... Degendering I think is fine it comes with the dehumanization which I'm super into, but I might lay off the misgendering and gender specific bioessentialism. Still a big fan of the "you have a womb so it's gotta be filled" thing, but that makes me feel less like a woman which I don't like, and more like a thing with a purpose and role that isn't inherently gendered, which is good for me I think.

I also think? I dunno, someone posted before that the appeal of detrans for a lot of people is the sexualization of how our bodies can change so much and honestly that's dead on, so focusing on being made to change my body is probably the sweet spot! That change is part of the pregnancy + lactation appeal too tbh. So less "I'm detransing you because you're actually a woman" and more "I'm detransing you because you're hotter to me looking like this regardless of your identity, if you're going to be a man I want you to look this way". Which, also ties into my st*rv*tion kink which I don't post about here so I don't get nuked lol....

TLDR; Thank you anon sm for your insight! Definitely going to tweak my boundaries a bit and see how that works out for me.

[nerves-nebula]

Honestly I have been exposed to so many other trans men who didnt do top surgery + plus cis fat men now when I look at my tits I don't even feel dysphoric about it anymore. If my brain tries to be mean to me I just go "some men have tits, go back to gender school"

I need masc characters with tits, that's why I'm so attached to angel dust despite never watching the show nor being interested in it. The tit man 👍

What still makes me disphoric is my voice. It made me disphoric when I was 4 it still makes me disphoric now. I need to be a tenor so bad, like I think my singing voice is pretty but I don't want it! I need it to be deeper! Rougher!

I think its just that I can hide my body when being perceived by others, I can't hide my voice (I could train it but I'm laaaaaaaazyyyyyy I need testesorone so bad) doesn't help I pitch up my voice on instinct when talking to white people making me sound even more feminine

Idk why I am sharing this I just thought it was funny

oh i also do the customer service voice when talking to white ppl, lol. unless im tired or familiar with them i guess.. anyway i can relate to that, i've definitely been super jealous of deeper voices before. but then i realized most people don't have the kind of voice i'm after anyway and then after that i realized that i will never pass as anything cuz nobody recognizes me as anything close to how i see myself cuz i i have always identified with monsters and the inhuman so. that kind of wiped out any real dysphoria worries i had as a teen afsdfasdffdfs. now my presentation is similar to my clothing- i might stylize it a bit but mostly i just do whatevers most comfortable

[nothorses]

hi! this is a question about pansexuality that i fear asking. tbh i don't really care what anyone identifies as. everyone's part of my community to me. i am trying to wrap my head around bi v pan stuff as someone who is neither. i know bisexuals who are critical of the pan label because to them it distinguishes bisexuality as starkly Not being pansexuality. when definitions of bisexuality have included "attraction regardless of gender, or to all genders (and including trans and nb people)" for many bisexuals since like the 70s which is how i see pansexuality defined a lot of the time

i know that bi and pan have always been concurrent labels and they have a lot of overlap and that some ppl use them interchangeably. and i truly don't care that ppl id as pan. but i do feel weird seeing it juxtaposed to definitions of bisexuality that aren't inclusive of all bisexuals? (ie that bisexuals aren't attracted to ALL genders, just two or more.. when many bisexuals Are attracted to all genders! part of bisexual history is that people have been fighting to let others know Bisexuality is more inclusive than the literal like latin meaning of bi = two). i don't know where to stand on this divide. i love pansexuals and the pan label and the right to self determination in identity but i do understand the argument that it feels hurtful in a biphobic way to say it is inherently a distinct sexuality from being bisexual when it's. like. many bi and pan ppl would define their sexuality in the exact same way other than a difference in specific label. i feel like people hate this opinion lmao!!! please help! even if you hate my opinion too i literally feel like i need guidance KDBDBS

Tbh I think there's a lot of historical context to this whole convo, and I don't think you're alone in being confused. And honestly given the amount of info you have, I think you're in a pretty respectable spot about it. (And I say "historical" here in the sense that I am. 25. and I'm mostly talking about the things I have either seen firsthand, or read about/heard about from others.)

So like- when I was a Young Queer, it was very common for people to define "bi" as meaning "men and women" (or even "cis men and cis women"), and thus "pan" rose to popularity as an alternative to essentially mean "everyone, including trans and nonbinary people".

This was like, early 2010's? And I'm talking about other Young Queer spaces and interactions. And you kind of have to remember that in that time, it was kind of radical to tell people not to call things "gay" if they didn't like them. Joking that people were trans (usually in terms like "lol Justin Beiber is a lesbian") was common even in progressive spaces. I was stunned when a friend of mine asserted that they were just gonna stop using the r-slur, like, at all.

So I can kind of understand why "pan" might have felt like a needed thing at the time. I think it felt like a kind of shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and at least from my perspective, that was something you very much needed to state back then.

I think there are a lot of people my age who, if they don't still understand "bi" and "pan" that way, at least kind of "get" where that definition is coming from. And yeah, it's ahistorical as hell! "Bi" has always been inclusive of trans people. Not to mention people have been defining it all sorts of ways for a long time now; there are a ton of definitions out there, and how the word is defined often depends on who you ask.

But then you ask: if we know "bi" is and has always been trans-inclusive, why does anyone still need the word "pan"? And I think the answer is... complicated. And extremely personal, tbh.

This happens with queer language all the time; as terms are cycled out in favor of new ones, people who've been using them hang on regardless. Sometimes they don't know the language has been updated, but usually it's more than that. Usually they have more of a personal relationship with the word, and the community, that they can't just give up in favor of a new word.

Maybe some people who do understand that "bi" is not actually a transphobic term also still view "pan" as shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and that's important to them. Maybe they grew up with that word, formed relationships under it, and came out with it. Maybe the pan community impacted them in some profound way, and rejecting it over shifting definitions just doesn't feel right. There could be any number of reasons.

The other part of this is that much as people have come to understand the original definition of "bi" more widely now, the definition of "pan" and "bi" both have taken on multiple definitions as well. I've seen a lot of definitions that seem to exist just to differentiate the two. For example:

Bi: attracted to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders Pan: attracted to all genders

Bi: attracted to all genders, but in different ways, or with preferences Pan: attracted to all genders essentially the same

Bi: attracted to multiple (or all) genders Pan: attraction regardless of gender

I've also seen people use "bi" as the umbrella term, and "pan" as a more specific label beneath it (often with one of those pairs of definitions).

And you mention that "bi" has a lot of different definitions and understandings- so does pan! How a person understands those words, particularly when they identify with them, is going to be deeply personal and very likely very different from the next person. I think a good rule of thumb is to assume that whoever you're talking to may just have a different definition and understanding of the word they're using than you do, and try to ask them about it if it concerns you.

[wherefore-whinnies]

I have been thinking so much lately about how binaries like straight relationships vs gay relationships or cis vs trans or aspec vs allo or even white vs non-white are all just complete bullshit actually and feeding into them with your activism really does not help anybody.

like at least at this point lots of people in my circles know the men vs non-men stuff is trash and mostly just repackaged radfem rhetoric right. honestly all of these are in some way. they're just used to perpetuate new forms of exclusionism and new forms of normativity.

"ew straight relationships" and sentiments like "lol I forgot women can date men" aren't progressive or cool. it's putting down tons of queer people who are in straight relationships or relationships that appear straight. bi people, trans people, genderfluid people, aspec people, multigender people, lots more. "oh but I don't mean *those* queer people!" well people don't have to explain or prove their identities to you. it's none of your business. your activism *has* to include straight people because other people's identities are none of your business and you *cannot* know what the identities of the people involved are unless they choose to share it with you and they have no obligation to. forever expanding the scope of "cis het allo perisex etc. etc. etc." on and on and on will always be limiting.

"lol I forgot not all men have x body part associated with afab people" isn't progressive or cool. it's excluding trans people who choose to have certain kinds of gender-affirming surgery, for one. I imagine it also excludes some intersex conditions.

making jokes about strangers being eggs because they appear male-presenting and like flowery deodorant scents isn't progressive or cool. it is literally gender essentialism. it doesn't become cool to shove people into boxes just because you think they're now the "right" boxes.

I know I've done this a lot but I don't think talking about things "the allos" do in those terms is useful or helpful either. I mean even in all the posts I make about them I end up putting in footnotes like "so many aspecs do this shit too". so literally what is the point. it's really not helpful to be putting down allo experiences on the basis of people being allo when the a spectrums are so varied that every allo experience can also be an aspec experience.

and even white vs non-white is not a simple binary, as I've learned from some of my mutuals. mixed people exist. talking about whether someone is "[non-white] enough" just harms people and is just more exclusionism.

idk man subscribing to the notion that all these things are binaries seems immensely unhelpful to what we are supposed to be actually trying to accomplish which is letting people just be themselves and do whatever they want and label themselves however they want forever (I understand this is more complicated when it comes to race). so what if that also helps "the straights". focus on lifting people up and not on putting putting people down. otherwise we're just going in the same circles over and over while pretending we're doing it sooooo progressively this time.

[zeravmeta]

whining about personal irl introspection stuff

since my friend groups mostly consist of trans peeps it always has kind of wormed its way into my head my own thoughts abt my gender and stuff but like for my whole life ive always been pretty comfortable as a cis dude and like for the most part despite growing up with very traditional parents ive also never really felt pressured to like follow the same gender roles they have like my parents are basically the one foot in the door type where like if for whatever reason hypothetically i come out as trans and gay double whammy them my dad whose a pretty Mans Man type of guy would still love me but i know he'd think that he did something wrong (out of ignorance not malice he would absolutely maul someone if they made fun of me) vs my mom who would also be accepting but it would become the next hot topic of her friend groups gossiping and neither are malicious but ive also seen them make themselves suffer over their own gender roles (men do this v women do this) and like i honestly think the reason i dont put much stock into gender as a concept is because most people focus on the roles aspect of it and even with my best efforts ive never really deprogrammed that out of them but honestly above all else im lazy as hell and wont impose more arbitrary rules like that onto myself so when i say im cis im not cis plus im like cis hasnt touched the personalization settings and forgot the login and ofc this would also bleed into ideas like romance and sexuality with aforementioned roles and when it comes to romance this leads more into my experiences with my asshole brother who would always be bringing girlfriends and bragging about being a sex beast but he could never hold onto a relationship and was always dumped and cheated on multiple times (and with modern context and Adult Brain i know its likely because he was a fucking asshole) while my parents would always argue but theyd also been together for 35+ years and wouldnt trade each other for the world so neither of those would be a good reference point for romance but this one also came down to me Not Really Caring where I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship if it happened and im p sure if I liked the person enough to where said stage of romance would even be happening i would invite it but im also not really agonizing over it and can be pretty comfortable being without a partner and on the sex side of things this one is a little weird because ive also Not Cared about it however i know I do have desire for people so im not ace and when it bleeds so intermittently with the romance aspect i just kind of assumed i was ace for a while in my teens until i learned the Words and Terms and such so i was like oh huh i guess i just dont seek romance and thats not the same as liking other humans physically and on that front i guess im just ok with any type of partner so like with neither of these considerations ever being a factor for gender or presentation esp when im a 6ft behemoth of a guy with a strongman body build and never had any type of body dysphoria with that i was and honestly still am perfectly comfortable just being a cis dude and for the past decade it has literally not changed im here for a good time not a long time

anyways this is a very long winded wordy way of saying that im pretty sure im cis aro and bi/pan because ive never cared about gender never wanted a partner and also i appreciate mens tits and cockenbalsen too much to be straight and this post came about because I was thinking of getting an anime man body pillow cover and was imagining the scandalized looks on my parents faces lol

[swordbeliever]

I don't really have anywhere safer to ask this and you seem wise. So I just wanted to know if you or any others who have transitioned from ftm or started to present more masculine have had this experience. I have had people treat me almost impure or dirty after they find out I am trans masc. I get this mostly from cis people but also from fellow gay and trans people sometimes and don't understand where this is coming from. I feel pretty lonely in the community and wonder if others have also had this happen? Also how to build confidence and friendships even with this happening?

(Apologizes if this is an inappropriate question please don't feel like you need to respond)

hi sorry for the super late reply anon i hope u do see this...

first thanks for saying i seem wise LOL i dont really think i am but i've been out for a long time and have talked to many other transmascs in my time...

i definitely get the feeling youre talking about. being / becoming a man is an incredibly isolating experience, imo. and it can be even moreso difficult being a minority & a man. i recently talked to a cis guy friend about our experiences of the intersections of masculinity and our minority identities (my queerness and his blackness) and he shared a lot of the same feelings - its difficult to talk about our issues out of fear that we could be seen as belittling women's experiences, its disappointing to see our fellow men lash out at women because of this feeling, and just... its hard.

through it all i have found solace in the people who treat me as a whole person rather than a specific identity. my transness is incredibly important to me, of course, but it sucks when i feel like i have to justify my presence in a space by clarifying it, or when its all people want to see about me. i have found a lot of people through the years who see me for myself and love me regardless of whatever identity i or they hold. i do prefer to try to make friends in queer spaces, but honestly, ive been most successful at it in some places that are less expected, especially at work.

some of the best and kindest men i've met have been in these ways. the 45 year old ex-punk rocker handyman, the ex-football player son of a mechanic from rural ohio, the guy i worked with at subway who outright told me i was the first trans man he'd ever talked to. i personally always find workplace friendships the easiest to make since we're next to each other 8 hours a day several days a week.

i have absolutely no idea if any of this makes sense, im halfway through a shift at work rn and its past midnight and im out of coffee. i hope this helps in some way, if anyone wants to add anything for anon or smth feel free :>

[answersfromzestual]

(Feel free to ignore this if it's too personal, I know that a lot of people don't like talking about relationships)

hi, you've mentioned that you have a wife, and I was wondering how your experience was when dating women? I've found an article about trans men who date gay men, but I can't find anything about how it is to date women as a trans man. I'm 16, so finding a wife isn't a pressing issue right now, but I'm worried about how I'll deal with dating in the future because of being "abnormal". Even if I get the surgeries I want, I feel like I'll need to say that I'm a biological male who had a micropenis and got enlargement surgery and an erectile implant, rather than admitting that I got phallo and scrotoplasty because I was born female. Because I feel like no straight woman would date someone like me if she knew what I am.

Basically I'm wondering if that's actually true, because maybe I'm just being pessimistic. Was it hard to find a woman who accepts who you are and doesn't find it strange?

Again, apologies if this is too personal.

Hello 👋🏽,

No this isn't too personal at all.

I answered it here, I had it written out on a notepad and just pasted it to a new post, my apologies.

I know you will find your other half, it will just take some time and some real searching (but I feel that's just dating in general)

When you find a woman that loves you for you, intimacy will not be an issue. Love is love, love doesn't see genitals imo.

If I may give you a personal response, I also wanted to go the route of having a micro penis and saying that's why I needed surgery. I thought I would wait to date until I finished surgery which if I did the math and stuff and was generous with time, I thought I could be finished, dating and stuff by 24 (note I started Testerone when I was 18). My math was right, but not realistic whatsoever. It took so many years to finish my procedures that I got lonely... So I dated pre surgery, and during stages of my transition as well. I mostly dated after my chest surgery.

I had quite a few cis girlfriends, some I met online, some I met in person. If things got physical I was always worried. It's okay to need reassurance if you do get intimate with a woman. Just let her know you may need it, it doesn't make you less of a man, it makes you human.

I feel like the biggest issue honestly with competing with cis men is they usually are done puberty by the time they hit the bar scene, you are not. It's not your height or anything really to do with you, many women just want a man who is or looks older than them, so don't take it as a personal hit. This is what I call "Babyface stage", many women will think you're cute, and attractive. Smile, I'm not kidding, women actually like when a man smiles believe it or not (in my experience). Smile nice and you'll have girls all over you, also many women think confidence (but not arrogance) is very attractive as well.

So start practicing how you're going to melt women with that smile buddy.

Good luck, and it's okay to wait as well.

P.s if you can't be 100% honest with someone you are with, are you sure they are for you?

Sometimes it's really nice to have someone, an ally to help you and love all of you. Because all of you is worth loving!

[roguish-gallery]

What are your gender and orientation headcanons for the Rogues you write for (keeping in mind that anyone can request stuff etc)? Just curious because I always like your takes, thank you!!

Oh for sure!! Thank you for the kind words!

This is just my personal opinion, but honestly... I kinda picture all of them to be bi/pan to varying degrees, but nothing specific. In other words, I envision everyone to have a nebulous relationship with their sexuality, if that makes sense. for their gender, It just varies. I'll try to elaborate more for everyone down below:

Bane: For him, I think he's casually bi/pan, but he doesn't use any labels for himself. He likes who he likes, and he doesn't see any need to fret over it. I mostly see him as cis because I prefer sticking to his canonical origin story, which hinges on him being AMAB (In Santa Priscan law, only AMAB children can be incarcerated for the charges of their father). But! Transmasc Bane is fucking great and I love seeing people's take on it!

Catwoman: Selina is canonically bi/pan, which I think suits her lol! I use she-her pronouns whenever I write for her.

Clayface: I base my take on him from the Harley Quinn Show! He's fluid in every sense of the word and doesn't take sexuality or gender seriously. Uses he/him pronouns bc it's easier but kinda fucks around with they/them

Harley Quinn: Again, canonically bi/pan! Uses she/her pronouns and I LOOOOVE transfemme Harley!

Joker: He's like... Bugs Bunny. He's queer and does whatever he wants.

Killer Croc: Cisgender, and is mostly interested in women!

Mad Hatter: I actually... view Jervis as ace (but he doesn't use that label, he would just tell you that he doesn't care). He isn't interested in sex, and prefers different types of intimacy. Mostly cis, but he can get goofy with his gender every now and then. As a treat.

Mr. Freeze: Straight BUT him and Nora are T4T

Penguin: I think he has a preference for ppl who are femme-presenting, but he can warm up to anyone if they pique his interest. Definitely suffered from comphet until he started rubbing shoulders with the other Rogues and realized that he needed to unpack some emotional baggage. I equally like him as cis or transmasc.

Poison Ivy: Canonically bi/pan, and uses she/her

Riddler: HE IS A TRANS MAN. HE IS TRANSGENDER. Also bi/pan but that's canon lmao.

Scarecrow: YALLLLLL I COULD WRITE AN ESSAY ON THIS MAN. Definitely aro, and definitely repressed bc of religious trauma. Never even thought about his identity as a child (raised comphet), and was too busy as a grad student/professor to unpack any of it. As an adult he doesn't really know how to handle attraction to anyone and tries his best to avoid growing attached to people in that way. Jonathan uses he/him but the Scarecrow is a hard he/they/it. He doesn't use labels for himself

Two Face: 100% fruity and tbh it's kinda insulting that Detective Comics Comics still has him in the closet like this. He has two hands let him goof around with men and women! Like Oswald, I'm equally open to cis or transmasc interpretations

[foundfamilywhump]

Hello! It's depressing as hell to hear that transphobia is a thing within the whump community. Sorry you had this experience, since it's mostly a pretty welcoming space, though Discord servers are always just... a gamble. Do you have any screenshots of your interaction with that user? Or a timestamp on the server? I swear it's not because I want to find out who that was and bully them (tempting), but things like this can be very quickly erased by Discord mods and it's best to have a record of it

there's some pretty insidious stuff under the surface of the whump community in an unfortunate number of places tbh. (sometimes not even really under the surface honestly, i was poking around yesterday and saw someone whose whump blog had a description 'no [specific race] whump' and 'if you value diversity fuck off' essentially and i was like ah, right, saying the quiet part out loud i see lmao) like. there's a lot of..... presumptive cis-ness and whiteness and maleness going around and if any of that is ever. not even challenged but pointed out, a lot of people do not like it. and there's a lot of just. people saying with their whole chest 'i don't like reading/writing/watching media about women/people of colour/trans people.'

which like. i'm not going to litigate people's interests, but what i will say is that if you only want to engage with media about white cis men please feel free to just do that and not Say It Out Loud. trust me, it's plenty clear enough without saying it directly, and there's no reason to do that except to be validated and back-patted about not wanting to care about characters that aren't white cis men. just.... enjoy what you enjoy and be quiet about it lmao. there's a broader conversation to be had about where those preferences came from, but people get even more upset if you talk about that, so i'll just leave my broader assessment of the state of the whump community and its kind of. undercurrent of bigotry at that.

i do have some screenshots, yes! i don't know if i have the original conversation anymore from the server itself, the initial interaction with the transphobe, but honestly the most concerning part of the whole experience and the reason i made the psa post i did about it was the way that the server owner and mod team of whump lovers collaborate handled the situation. that i do have screenshots of - of what the server owner said to other people when blaming me for what happened and whining about being asked to handle a bigot in any way, etc, and of the mods i spoke to basically shrugging and going 'yeah it sucks but you're being sooooo mean to me by saying i've endorsed transphobia by being completely silent as it happens and then continuing to be silent as the server owner makes a 'no fighting >:(' rule and says Everyone Is Being A Bummer! Stop It! in the announcements.'

[thedevilsrain]

waw personal post about having sisters and radicaI feminsm underneath

had like. an interesting chat with my sister about... basically trans issues yesterday. she isnt a full blown t3rf, she basically agrees Trans People Exist And Are Not Perverts (a thought my other sister doesnt share), but she agrees with a lot of transphobic and t3rf sentiments, mostly out of sheer ignorance

i broke down to her a few stereotypes, such as that there is a binary between trans people and their appearance (transfems are always feminine, transmascs are always masculine, non binary people are always "androgynous"), told her there are trans people who dont go on t, and that trans women literally never equalize their upbringings to that of cis women - they equalize their upbrings to that of other trans women

also told her that the fact transmascs are rarely seen in media/news arent because of "misogyny", its because the media finds it much easier to attack a "man" dressed as a "woman", than a "woman" dressed as a "men" (which then reveals their own transphobia because they just think the latter case is a "confused woman" while the first is a "pervert" if that makes sense)

and like.. it was good. she listened. again, most of it came from ignorance - hearing all the shit our other sister says, and not knowing any trans people herself, besides from the videos of Bad Trans People she would see shared around

(specifically, she brought up a video she'd told me about before, of a trans person at a rally saying "Iesbians will suck dick!" and saying she was baffled by it; to which i calmly explained there were not just trans women who were lesbians, but cis women who dated them, and that the matter of genitaIia isnt, for the lack of a better word, "ignored" or "forced" upon cis women)

funny enough the only thing we hit a wall out was the word t3rf itself - i told her at the end that it was nowhere close to being a slur like the T slur, and she said "t3rf is to feminits what the T slur is to trans people". when i told her "being called a t3rf doesnt get you killed in the streets" she scoffed and said "of course it does", even she stated herself braziI remains the country that kills the most trans people

i gave up after that mostly because we were both kind of tired, but another thing i hit a roadblock at was when she said "i'm honestly just tired of this whole discussion", and it honestly hurt me a bit. not because she didnt want to continue discussing it, but idk, just the way she said it made it seem like "oh can we discuss if trans people deserve to live some other day"

and on a darker note when i told her our sister wants trans people to die, she said (jokingly) "no she doesnt, she just wants them like.... to go away", and i said "yeah, go away, hide in the closet, and die" and she actually laughed and agreed because we both know that its the level our other sister has reached

overall again as i said, surprisingly good talk. shes very hesitant to mention the topic of trans issues with her Igbt friends because of her own bigoted friends, and i hope shes at least more willing to learn now

also she hopefully learned that jk roIando (as i call her) Is Bad because shes literally associating w friends of neo nazis now lol

[worthless-weight-in-gold]

Pride Headcanons!!

Jim: extremely very certain he's gay, 100%. getting crushed under mountains of internalized homophobia that presents in wild ways, and also sitting on top of being bigoted to the whole entire rest of the community this man is a piece of shit--

Thew: she's in the "probably bi, might be a lesbian" category. she's gone on dates with men, she's gone on dates with women. she only has one proper ex which is a woman. she's not 100% sure what her sexuality is but kinda just lets things happen and doesn't worry about it too much

Min-Jee: 100% knows she's bi, 100% knows she's trans. she's known both since she was very young and kept her mouth shut to all but her closest friends about both until she felt she was in a safe and stable enough place to come out publicly

Porter: hey, he's literally just sitting. just chilling. he does not even have the desire to look for a label. he likes people. he sleeps around with all genders. he feels fine with he/him pronouns, but also feels fine when other pronouns are used. vibes only

Sanjit: he only feels romantic attraction to men, or the closest of what he feels that could be considered romantic attraction is only to men. he's also like, neither cis nor trans. his species dont really have a concept of gender but he did actively chose to be a man when making his human form, and now would be uncomfortable if he got misgendered in either form

Riah: genderfluid, bisexual, actively identifies confidently as both although doesn't talk about either unless directly asked. she has a preference for men, though, when it comes to hookups. she is very, VERY slow to and honestly just unlikely to develop romantic feelings for someone, but when she does its equally likely to be for a man or a woman or nonbinary

Bruce: gay! he also knew from very young that he was gay, and he was one of the "there's a lot of signs here that stereotypically point to a child being gay..." types. he never officially really came out, because he just went on dates with men and those who hadn't already assumed he was gay got the hint then

Noa: queer of some kind. she sometimes gets stressed about finding a more specific label but isn't always the best at telling what she's feeling, and also she's kinda a bit too busy for romance anyway which makes it harder. honestly she has a freakout about what her sexuality is every year like clockwork

Eun Yoo: she thinks she's straight and she's never really considered otherwise because pretty much everyone she's been close with has been straight and all the characters in the shows she watched or comics she read or games she played were straight and she's gotten crushes on boys before. it is totally normal to be a little in love with female friends, anyway. like, if you were a man, obviously you'd confess to them immediately and settle down together and get married and have a beautiful family but she's a woman so she doesn't ask out women so she's straight. (she's bi. she hasn't worked that out yet)

Thespian: thespian does not understand human conceptualizations of either sexuality or gender. thespian has a fringe angel sexuality and a normal angel gender. aka, thespian likes more than just those who it is appropriate to like (can develop feelings for people in different societal status than them), and their gender is mostly neutral but slightly feminine because they are the eldest (more on that here if u wanna know more)

[t4li-the-f4g]

I should do one of them pinned posts shouldn't I

Hello and Welcome!

The Basics

- 18+ Blog. I'm not going to insist all my followers list their exact age but I will block anyone I believe may be a minor, so at least indicate you're an adult please 🔞

- We're a system! Can't be assed going back and changing all the pronouns in this post now we're adding this, but blog is mainly two three? headmates and we're gonna start tagging our posts accordingly:

💜 - ze/zir transfag, mostly-subby verse, bi

💀 - they/she dyke, stone top dom, (mostly) lesbian

🩵 - he/him gay trans guy, service top/pleasure dom with a selfish streak

- Bi polyam switch/vers, usually somewhere in the sub/top quadrant, but I have never made a decision in my life 😇

- I am also a fat ftm femboy fagdyke - if you have an issue with me using any of those words for myself, this isn't a space for you 💖

- Being proud of my fat body doesn't make me a gainer/feedist, you guys can interact but please don't implicate me in your fantasies without consent🤘

- T4T is fun and hot but I am also very fond of several cis people (even cis men!!!) in various capacities, and if you try to tell me they Inherently Bad And Evil I will block you, no questions. 💙

More detail on Kinks, Boundaries and Hard Nos below the cut!

Kinks

My kink practise falls under the RACK (risk-aware consensual kink) umbrella. I'm gonna do my best to tag my posts from now on, but if any of the following are potentially triggering to you I can't guarantee this will be a safe space:

- CNC, free use, somno, intox play (not keen on using the word "rape" myself but will reblog it, tagged #r-word)

- Pain/fear, impact play, knifeplay

- Bondage/restraint, choking, collaring

- Edging/denial, humiliation & degradation, chastity

- Monsterfucking, size difference

Boundaries

- In public posts: say what you like in comments/reblogs/tags (aside from hard limits) - if I'm actively into it, I'll play along, if not I'm glad you're having fun ^-^

- In Asks/DMs: if we don't know each other, I ask you be respectful to start off (if we have a rapport already, you can be as disrespectful as you please 😳)

- I use traffic light safewords:

Green = all good keep going,

Yellow = this is okay but don't go any further

Red = Stop

- Words you can use for me:

Any gendered language so long as respect that I am a Guy. A femboy, yes, a pretty boy, absolutely, but a Dude nonetheless! So you can call me girly things, but do not call me a girl, gotcha? 🏳️‍⚧️

As a Dom, Sir/Daddy are all good, but I'm open to suggestions.

As a Sub, honestly, call me whatever you want. Slut, whore, pretty boy, faggot, good boy, little bitch... Have fun with it ☺️

- Words I tend to use for my body: Chest, tits, dick, tdick, clit, pussy, hole (and any variant thereof)

Hard limits

- DDLG/anything vaguely incesty (calling each other "daddy" is allowed but that's it)

- Scat + Body Fluids (except blood, blood's hot)

- Misgendering (again, I am a pretty little femboy when I wanna be, but always with emphasis on the boy) Idk maybe a lil forcefemming can be done? But don't be surprised if i safeword

[lettucedloophole]

(Self-hating trans girl from the previous ask)

Thanks for responding! Could you clarify what "third-sexing" and "degendering" mean? Why is it inherently violent? For context (since I unintentionally made it sound like this was based on Janice Raymond's views), my view on the possibility of trans women being a third sex was mostly influenced by the article "A Rose is a Rose: The Nomenclature of Sex and Oppression" by Margaret Deirdre O'Hartigan (you can find it in issue 5 of the TransSisters journal on the Internet Archive: archive.org/details/transsistersjou1994unse_1). The article was originally published in 1980, a year after The Transsexual Empire was published, and the author responded to a lot of terf beliefs, but she argued that trans women should be a third sex instead of women (she used "changeling" as a new name for them).

The question of trans men being a fourth sex especially wasn't something I thought about. My instinctive response is no, that I don't think there's a problem with them using the label of "man" or using male spaces, but I don't know why I think this about trans men but not trans women. The terf response to something like this would usually be "because trans women are male (and therefore dangerous)", but honestly this neglects the fact that, even if they were both classified under the same name, trans women just aren't the same group as cis men and aren't treated the same (which was also the basis of them being a third sex in the first place). I guess it just feels wrong in a way that I can't explain, so it probably has a lot more to do with internalized transphobia/transmisogyny than any reasoned argument.

Anyways thank you for explaining your view on this, it helped me change my mind. I got into terf beliefs in like 2022/2023 and it's been a gradual process of trying to unlearn. I don't hate trans people, and I love and care about trans women, but lots of terf ideas can feel almost inarguable in spite of that. I got as far as non-essentialism, but it wasn't really clear to me how that leads to a pro-trans position so I was just stuck there for a while. The article I mentioned earlier about trans women being a third sex was basically the only pro-trans explanation from that standpoint that made sense to me.

of course! third-sexing (as i was using it) is just the act of deeming trans women a third sex instead of women, and degendering is stripping someone of gender and usually entails dehumanization as a result. it can simply refer to instances where trans women are they/them'd, for example, but the sense in which i use it and have mostly seen it used (on socmed, admittedly, though there's academic writings on this definition too) is something more like how black women are seen as lesser women to the extent that they would be grouped in with men and face violence or just not grouped in with other women. and since humanity is intertwined with gender, the degendered person is seen as less human as a result. it's not a term exclusive to black women though, arguably all woc are degendered (particularly brown/black/darkskinned women), intersex women, lesbians and trans women. women who have traits that are considered masculine.

why degendering is violent is more apparent with the way i described it, and i would say third-sexing is a form of degendering and that's part of why it's violent. since the two gender system is normal, denying trans women's womanhood is a denial of their normalcy. this argument isn't sufficient though as some ppl (nonbinary ppl like myself) declare a denial of the binary and thus, normalcy, but this doesn't mean they desire marginalization. so being acknowledged as outside of the gender binary is not always violent, but third-sexing in particular is.

as to why third-sexing is inherently violent, i touched on this in my last response but i think the world shows evidence of this. i have no theoretical basis for why i think this, just the practical basis that third sex groups in diff cultures (like hijra or fa'afafine) are marginalized and many identify themselves as women, but in spite of this are said to be a third sex by onlookers. a denial of womanhood so often means violence for trans women. in this precarious situation, it seems counterintuitive to suggest a roundabout solution when the solution has already been recommended from the majority of those people, yk? i know that sounds flimsy, but i hope i can expand upon my feelings by sharing more about third-sexing.

a possible counterargument here is, what about nonbinary people? if trans women are marginalized by being forced out of the gender/sex binary, wouldn't nonbinary people also be? and so, rather than arguing that trans women are women, wouldn't it be better to just dismantle the gender binary as a whole? and in the long term, yes. but being recognized as women keeps trans women safe now. nonbinary people being outside of the gender binary is just an additional layer of marginalization they have to deal with for the sake of their authentic identity. and i don't mean to pose trans women and nb people as mutually exclusive groups, ofc trans women can also be nonbinary but i think i would have to say a lot more words to try and qualify what i mean to not give off that impression temporarily. lmao.

i'm retreading here, but i think it's important to hone in on the fact that self identification of gender in trans people helps destroy the myth of an innate gender & sex. this is lost if trans women are seen as a third sex, considered too marked by maleness to be women. the idea of being endlessly marked by maleness is itself bioessentialistic and leaves no hope for women to ever be free of oppression, if male violence goes beyond the social. and ultimately, i suppose i just don't think there's much of an argument for trans women to be a third sex instead of women beyond discomfort, especially if you don't feel the same about trans men. trans men are more often perceived as just women or men i think, and there's less contention about them being taken as either of those groups than trans women being taken in as women. i see the trans women i know as women, and the world knows this too, though they claim otherwise.

about that transsisters article, i read it and i sympathize with it, but it does seem a little outdated. for example, it uses "h*rmaphrodites" to refer to intersex people, and the publication even acknowledges this lapse in terminology. referring to people on the fringes of sex as "changelings" is romantic, and i appreciate the way she justifies it in terms of magic keeping a group alive, but practically i do think it's a bit othering and implies impersonation. no hate to her for using it for herself, she can reclaim that language if she wants. i found she also identified as an "archigalli," chief priestess of the gallae (transsexual roman priestesses) she discussed in the piece after "a rose is a rose." i think this identification shows she may have romanticized the third sex role without having experienced the full brunt of its effects, as most third sex groups are in colonized societies afaik. i would recommend this piece on hijra and third-sexing to get some insight into their oppression and problem with third sex roles.

margaret deirdre o'hartigan identifies as a transsexual woman now, i think, based on this interview with the university of minnesota. she still has some comparatively conservative views about transsexual people for a trans activist, like reservations about lia thomas. i had these same reservations when i was a terf, but knowledge is power, and looking up things showed me it's merely an issue of transmisogynistic discomfort rather than any genuine wrongdoing on lia thomas' part. i think it's important to remember that, and to skeptically look into conservative rhetoric about trans people. you can still have reservations about some things, like the rare misogynistic trans woman, without forsaking faith in yourself and trans women as a whole. a shitty trans person doesn't have to act as confirmation of anything about yourself or others.

and truly its my pleasure! i made this account in the hopes of offering another (radical feminist) perspective so i'm happy it's serving its purpose. i got into terf beliefs before you did but it seems like they haven't evolved much at all. you're getting out pretty recently so do give yourself grace as you unlearn these things. i didn't mean to insinuate that you hated trans people, i sure didn't, some of it is just internalized transphobia and then there's just a shit load of propaganda working against us. just center your love of other trans people and women and you will be okay 💙

im very glad i could help, but my asks and messages are always open if you need anything else. happy deprogramming! 🎉